#poly!tedschlatt

[squinch-depraved]

drinking games but taking edibles/parts of edibles instead

tedschlattreader gamenight? ted and schlatt ganging up on reader to make sure they get highest and take advantage of the situation

this came to me in a dream ☝️

ollie ur actually a fucking genius im gonna kiss u

CW: cnc/dubcon, intox

it was supposed to be a chill evening, you thought. playing games with your best friends was a weekly occurrence online, but the trip you and ted had taken to visit schlatt in new york for a while made the dynamics a lot different. for one thing, it was a lot harder to shit talk them when they were right in front of you. you never thought about how much bigger they were than you, but it was impossible to ignore now that you were around them for a week straight.

shaking off the thoughts you had about the size difference and how it made your stomach churn, you settled down onto your designated spot on the couch. you expected them to take their usual seats on either side of you, and they did after a few minutes of leaving you waiting. but they didn't come empty handed, and it was foolish of you to think they would.

they set a bunch of food items on the coffee table, arranging a spread that was beginning to look like a buffet. inspecting the labels carefully told you that every single item was an edible, and the realization earned a soft gasp from you.

"what the fuck are you guys planning?" you asked accusatorily. schlatt snorted and left the explanation up to the older man.

"we're going to play board games, like we usually do every week," ted started. "but instead of us taking shots or whatever when we lose, like we usually do, whoever lost the round has to pick one edible and either eat the whole thing or take a large bite, depending on the item. does that sound fair?" he glanced at you as he straightened up the countless gummies.

"jesus, how much did you spend on this shit??" you breathed, ignoring his question. ted didn't like being ignored, though, so he placed a large hand on your thigh and gripped it lightly but firmly.

"doesn't matter. i asked you a question. does that sound fair?" ted replied sternly. you nodded, unsure of why they were acting so different.

"don't act like you're the one who paid for this shit," schlatt mumbled as he sank back into the couch.

you giggled and relaxed as well, resting your head on his shoulder as ted went to grab the games. surprisingly, you felt pretty confident that you would be able to make it through the night with ease- you smoked a lot more than either of them, and that made you sure you would be fine, regardless of how many edibles you would end up taking.

but you were nothing if not a stupid, naive little slut.

it wasn't long before their plan became glaringly obvious: gang up on you to get you as far gone as possible. you were taking a gummy every ten minutes, and you had gone through at least two brownies by now.

"you guys are actually fucking evil," you muttered as you rocked back and forth on the floor. "what the fuck did i do to deserve this?" you asked them from your spot on the floor across the coffee table. you had eaten enough of the food that there was a good space for you guys to play a tabletop game now, and they had stopped trying to hide the fact that they were teaming up on you and were showing each other the cards they had so that they could maximize your punishments.

"nono, play that one, 'cuz i've got this, see?" ted murmured, pointing to something in his fanned out stack. schlatt nodded in understanding and plopped something on the table with a shit eating grin.

"take another one. we win," he bragged. you just hung your head in your hands and sighed deeply.

"fuck it," you whispered as you polished off a cookie the size of your hand. after finishing it, you clambered onto the couch and flopped face down, higher than you had ever been and desperate for some stability.

you heard ted and schlatt snicker before the older man joked, "look, dude it worked, she's already face down, ass up for us."

his words stirred you from your haze and you turned to face them, cheeks burning at how they looked at you.

"she's always ready for us, ted. our own personal little slut to share between us, she can't fuckin' help herself from showin' us her pretty little backside," schlatt teased cruelly, eyes locked on yours. you let out a strangled moan and buried your face back into the soft cushion, trying miserably to hide how turned on you were.

but they knew. they always know, it's their job to know. to take care of you when you get like this, to make you feel so good you can't speak. and you always let them. it's not like this would be any different because they got you belligerently high. if anything, it would make things much more pleasurable.

so when schlatt came up behind you and pulled off your bottoms, and ted pulled your head up by your hair so he could make out with you? of course you did nothing to stop them (how could you?). you let them manhandle you until you were nude on schlatt's clothed lap and ted stood up on his knees next to you, unbuckling his pants.

"dude, let me get her on my cock before you shove that thing down her throat," schlatt scoffed when the older man pulled out his length and scooted closer to you.

ted shoved him roughly, using one hand to keep you steady so he could slide his tip into your mouth. "shut the fuck up," he growled hungrily. schlatt whined angrily and watched as ted entered your throat inch by inch, admiring the bulge visible on your neck whenever he fucked deep into your face.

eventually, ted pulled out, smiling at the way you gasped and heaved, and gestured for schlatt to position you on his shaft, which he had brought out and was stroking at this point. he did so excitedly, groaning as you slid all the way down it before beginning to pump into you at a fast pace.

"easy, man, she's super high," ted warned him. schlatt just huffed and continued, picking you up and slamming you down onto him for a few minutes while ted watched and pumped himself in his fist. you were a wreck, wailing and moaning like they had never heard you before. your head lolled back after a bit, eyes rolling back into your head and fluttering closed as you sat there and took everything he was giving you.

soon, ted tapped him and signaled for him to help move you onto your hands and knees. it took a bit for them to get you propped up enough to be of any use, but once they did, they traded places. schlatt took your mouth, grabbing a fistful of your hair to use as leverage, and ted rammed into you from the back, harshly spanking you every now and then.

"fuck, she looks so pretty like this, doesn't she?" ted asked breathlessly.

"mm. looks like a slut," schlatt chided as he gripped your hair tighter. you whimpered for him and did your best to hold yourself up, but your legs were getting shaky, and you were about to cum for the third time.

"c'mere," ted leaned in, taking the back of schlatt's head and guiding it so they were locked in a sloppy kiss above you. the pressure of them leaning on you to be able to reach each other like that forced ted deeper into you, and you clenched around his cock as you sobbed through your orgasm.

you wished so desperately that you could see them making out above you, they knew how turned on it made you and it was truly malicious to deny you the simple pleasure of seeing them kiss.

ted pulled away and used his thumb to wipe the string of saliva that kept them connected from schlatt's lips. "i'm close," he grunted, thrusts intensifying until he finally slammed into you one last time and spilled inside you.

"my turn, move," schlatt grumbled as he withdrew from your mouth and shuffled to take ted's spot. a bit of cum leaked from your hole when ted pulled out and schlatt was quick to collect it on one finger and swipe it into his mouth. he moaned at the taste as he slid into you with ease and started pounding you relentlessly. his eyes screwed shut and he tilted his head back, letting the feeling of your pussy and his best friend's cum coating his dick take over him.

soon he was gripping your hips so hard bruises were beginning to form, and ted watched through lidded eyes as the younger man finally finished deep inside you with a loud groan. you collapsed as soon as he pulled out and ted immediately helped you to the bathroom, leaving schlatt to catch his breath.

once you were cleaned up, ted helped you find and change into some comfortable pjs and led you to schlatt's bed that they had decided beforehand you would all share tonight. he made sure you were settled with everything you could possibly need before returning to the living room to find schlatt staring at the ceiling.

"c'mon, man, come lay in bed with us," ted offered.

"it's my bed, asshole. don't invite me to my own bed," schlatt retorted.

"wouldn't be the first time," the older man chuckled before shaking his head and heading back to where you were resting.

[schlattsdoll]

How would poly!tedschlatt react to reader being especially bratty 🙏

minors dni

WE'RE SO BACK BOYS

ok, so, schlatt (as a fellow brat), is kinda okay with it. he'll punish you but overall he just knows you're trying to get a rise out of him.

schlatt's favorite punishment is probably edging or spankings but like with a belt.

ted, however, is a BRAT TAMER hardcore. he'll let you have your fun at first, but once you get too bratty for his liking, he's putting you in your place.

says things like "oh, sweetheart... you keep running that pretty little mouth of yours, let's put it to better use huh?"

when you're bratty to BOTH of them? RIP to you babes.

you wind up in one of their beds, legs spread with a vibrator tied to you while they have fun watching you become an overstimulated mess.

"wanted to be a fuckin' brat, couldn't wait f'us to finish filming doll? don't worry, we're gonna make damn sure you're fuckin' screaming for us."

[pray4saint]

since i need a fucking break from the ongoing incident, here's a little something i cooked up, it's situationship!poly!tedschlatt + reader's love or host

– you weren't as nervous as you thought you'd be, sitting in front of your desk, eyes glued to your monitor, hand hovering over the mouse. that was at least until you joined the video call and looked around at all the faces. one thing you were not expecting, despite how much you'd talked about your upcoming love or host on your streams and to your friends, was to see your multi-person situationship. oh shit. for a second, you smile faltered when your eyes landed on schlatt and ted shortly after.

if it had just been schlatt, you might've been expecting it, after all, he was pretty much a regular on the show, but since ted was there, on the same screen, you were doing everything in your power not to let your jaw fall slack.

this was going to be a long several hours, especially with how you'd see ted or schlatt look down and then as soon as their head would pop up, your phone would buzz on the desk and you'd wait until austin started talking again to check it.

[urfavsimpingfanficwriter]

Hey ok so how are yall feeling about a Poly!TedSchlatt x reader smut.... like... idk maybe you and Schlatt are together and are staying at Ted's for Chuckle Week or something, and Ted walks in on you too getting frisky and joins in or something lol?

(FYI i accidentally voted when trying to edit on mobile I HATE MOBILE anyways continue on yall <3)

[soapier]

masterlist!!!

since i’ll be posting more often on here now i figured i’d just make a masterlist rq so no one has to scroll if they’re looking for a specific story!

** btw ur like. allowed to request things. idk how asks work. u can like. dm me. if u want. **

i’ll organize it more as i put more up, but for now it’s as follows:

* indicates 18+ content

jschlatt:

play stupid games, win stupid prizes, pt. 1

play stupid games, win stupid prizes, pt. 2 * (WIP)

little miss perfect *

big talk, pt. 1 (will be continued as a standalone fic once i’m not drowning in finals)

sapnap:

playing pretend [might be extended into a longer work]

could be anything [sapnap and female oc long fic]

001

002

003

004

yumi [of the group chat]:

faith [yumi and female oc long fic] (small town au)

001

roman roy, for some reason:

love drunk *

dennis reynolds (can you tell im going through smth rn?)

father figure (WIP)

when it rains, it pours (jschlatt, ted nivison)

001. welcome back, slut!

002. whatever *(just a little)

003. world star

sweet summer child (petyr baelish, theon greyjoy)

pt. 1

pt. 2 (WIP)

more to come (probably)

[cathers-world]

Poly!tedschlatt for y’all

Warning: NSFW

Context: the three of you all live together in Texas and in a poly relationship

(Afab reader)

You were laying in your bed waiting for your favorite boys to come home from recording a podcast to destroy your insides. After a few hours you get a “little” to horny and decide that you needed to get your self off. Reaching over to the nightstand you whip out you dildo and get to work

“Y/N WERE HOME” Jay yells instead of a reply they get a moan, Jay and Ted look at each other and start walking to your room where they see you and a dildo…going at it?

“Did we say you could get yourself off” Ted questions as they start to undress “I-“ you say before Jay grabs your arm and pulls you to your knees

Before you could do or say anything his cock is down your throat making you gag on his length “fucking whore couldn’t wait till we got home to please your tight cunt” Ted growls fallowed by a hard “SLAP” to your ass

As the stinging continues you feel a familiar tip on your folds and in one fast thrust ted is all the way in making you moan and gag on jays cock

“Ugh I’m not going to last long with you like this” Jay groans

With the amount of pleasure your getting and let’s be honest the amount of cock in you, you were close to your climax

“Aww you wanna cum” Ted asked

Jay pulls his cock out your mouth so you can reply “mhm” “then beg for it” Ted demands “please please dadd- daddy let me cum please” you plead before Jay returns his length down your throat

“Wanna cum at the same time?” Ted asks “without a doubt”

“Alright sweetheart go ahead and cum for us” Ted commands you as you start to have you orgasm you feel Jay and Teds cum paint your holes white…

————————————————————

Sorry but this is where I’m ending it this is only my 2nd writing so plz if you like it give it some love and give me suggestions, also I will do Jshlatt, Ted, Wilbur,Quackity, sapnap, and dream

NSFW or SFW!!!

[elileram]

So sorry for the small hiatus my lovelys! But I am back and better then ever!

I am free to any Asks/Writing request

RLLY wanna write some Schlatt/Ted stuff tbh 🤭🤭

[schlattsdoll]

Can we pretty pretty please get some Poly!tedschlatt with free use hc??

Also can I be 🕷️ anon??

minors dni

fem! reader

it's v hard to act out free use when you're all in your respective living locations, but when one of them goes to visit the other (or chuckle week happens) they make damn sure to bring you along.

one of them (schlatt.) insists you wear only skirts and dresses for easy access. he's the same one who's the first to take advantage of his rule.

when they're just hanging out, lazily laying across their laps, one of them occupying your mouth while the other plays with you.

ted, surprisingly, takes advantage of this more than schlatt does, having you sit under his desk as he edits and take care of brand deals. "such a good girl for me sweetheart..." he'd smile and run his hand through your hair while you smile up at him.

schlatt walking in asking ted if he's seen you, and then you reveal your location, after ted shifts, making you gag on him.

"shit, gonna keep doll in new york and do that constantly now.."

[pray4saint]

please let me be apart of #s ! inbox fics

the only people receiving inbox fics are my mutuals bc it's quite a bit of effort to put them together + then i can actually be done after they've all gotten fics

but you can read all of the fics by searching s ! inbox fics on my blog to see where i've reblogged each of the answered fics

unanswered fics ;;

void / tex – bsfs!poly!tedschlatt

sidney – childhood bsf!charlie

answered fics ;;

meri – roommate!bsf!schlatt

charlie – bsf!ted

judah – situationship!ted

[steadiedcoffeekitten]

Poly!tedschlatt will be the death of me.

Actually guys. So sorry to say, but It's already been the death of me. I am now dead. Am ghost.

Parasocial ghosty killed by the acts of poly ted + schlatt

Rip me.

wrote this for my good friend @squinch-depraved

// poly!tedschlatt x gender neutral afab reader car sex

you didn't know what schlatt and ted's plans were for today, but you knew they weren't anything good.

'let's go for a drive today!' one of them said. you couldn't even remember which one. they were both so giggly. you guys had gone on simple drives all the time. scenic, romantic views while you sat in the back. this time was definitely different.

ted drove, schlatt shotgunned. you sat in the back, in the middle, visible through the front mirror. schlatt couldn't hide the stupid grin spread across his face.

schlatt glanced over to ted, trying to signal to him. "we're almost there right?" he said before taking a drag from his pen and passing it. ted nods and takes it from him, focusing on the road. it's only then when you start to notice you're approaching an almost deserted lot next to a park. nothing but trees as far as the eyes can see. your eyes widen.

ted pulls in to park before forcefully handing you the pen. "take a hit." you do, hesitantly. schlatt motions you up to the front. on wobbly knees, you climb over to the front. schlatt is gentle at first before harshly pushing you down into his lap. you yelp at the sudden movement.

"fuck, doll. you gonna be good for us right, slut?" the mix of praise and degradation rings in your ears. you face is warm and all you can feel is schlatt's erection against you, impossibly warm. he takes another hit and blows it out in your face. you shift a little and he laughs at that.his hand snakes around to grab at your ass.

ted rolls his eyes, mad he has to wait, but watches anyway. schlatt ignores him, slinking your panties down. his fingers runs over your slick before bringing it up to his mouth. he moves to make out with you, having you taste yourself. a string of saliva connects you two as schlatt takes his dick out. he's gasping into your mouth as he lines up with you. he makes sure to recline the seat a little further to make space. as he sinks you down feverishly, he's throbbing, coated by your velvety walls. he feels almost submissive for a moment before remembering the goals.

a sharp smack to the ass lands as he's bouncing you up and down. ted shifts uncomfortably. he's hard but he wants to wait. besides, getting cucked isn't the worst when he knows his turn isn't too far away. schlatt moves to adjust you to face ted so you can make out with him. you do, teeth clashing, fogging up his glasses. he's groaning into the kiss as schlatt threatens to spill at any moment. schlatt peers over at the two of you and starts to get jealous. his hand fiddles around and reaches to your clit, circling figure eights.

"f-fuck schlatt-" it's not long til you squirt all over his pants, which has him cumming right after. once he's caught his breath again, he's laughing. he moves to cup ted's face before kissing him roughly. schlatt finally pulls you off of him. "back of the car. now." he huffs. you nod and do exactly as told.

ted and schlatt open the doors to the back and practically pounce on you. with such restricted space, schlatt positions you on all fours. he caresses it before slapping it, bringing his tip to your lips. he pushes inward. you're so distracted by him, you're caught off guard when ted slips into your sopping cunt, groaning roughly. it's all so much, you're trembling. schlatt's face fucking you, strings of praise falling from his lips. his hands are tugging on your hair roughly. both their hips stutter as they're loud. schlatt cums first, shooting down your throat. ted follows, hips snapping against you with one last shaky groan.

they both pet you gently after they pull out and hastily. "so good for us."

[smallish-t]

Showing you off part 2

Mdni this is filth

CW: slight spitting, degrading, exhibition, breeding if you squint, edging if you really squint

Ted sat in his car outside of yours and schlatts house. He was unbelievably nervous, last night he got his weekly FaceTime call from schlatt showing him how amazing you look being split in half. Hes been getting so many photos and videos of how amazing you look he just needs to see you in person, and last night when schlatt made the comment of him possibly coming over he just couldn't get it out of his head.

Now he's here. Sitting in his car. About to shit bricks.

He should have said he was coming over but he acted on impulse, trying to relieve himself with the many pictures he has been sent but it just wasn't enough any more. Just as he opened his phone again to gather some courage to go in he gets a video from schlatt. You on your knees getting absolutely face fucked, spit all over your face and then schlatt adding more spit right before the video cuts off.

Schlatt: doesnt she look like a good little slut with her face covered in spit?

Thats what he needed, after looking at that video he needed to see your face covered in person. He gets out of his car and knocks on the door without thinking.

No one answers. So before he over thinks it he pulls out his keys, unlocks the door, and walks right in.

Immediately his ears are filled with wet sounds coming from the bedroom.

"Ted is that you? You finally got the courage to come in after sitting in your car for 15 minutes??"

Ted just silently walks in to room and see you there, on your knees, chocking on his best friends dick. He has to squeeze the buldge in his pants for some sort of relief. He doesn't think he ever been this fucking hard, his head is spinning.

"Take a seat, enjoy the show"

Ted takes a seat on the bed just completely awestruck at how you look. He hears you let out a little whimper and that's got his hands moving to his zipper, pulling out his dick and giving it a quick little squeeze. He looks to you, then schlatt with question to make sure this is okay, and instead of giving a response schlatt slams his dick farther down your throat. He makes a rythum and Ted follows it closely, occasionally stopping to hold him self back cause fuck this is too good. He couldn't even comprehend how gorgeous you look in person. Suddenly schlatt pulls you off his dick and you gasp for air, Ted groans at the sight of you already fucked out by just sucking schlatts dick.

"Look at you, you really know how to give a show for our friend here"

He picks you up and put you on the bed right next to Ted. From here he can see your tits more clearly and has to stop himself from touching you. Schlatt pushes you down on your back and spreads your legs. "Look at how wet she is man, maybe next time I'll let you have a taste." Ted gets up to look at your glistening pussy, fuck he can cum at just that alone and has to force himself to sit back down and just watch.

Schlatt slides to fingers into you and it makes a delicious wet sound, mixed with your moan that has him forcing his hand away to stop him self from Cumming. Schlatt picks up a ruthless pace and once Ted calms down a bit, follows his pace again. You are now a mess of moans, squirming around with your eyes closed. "Look at Ted darlin, show him how good you look when you cum on my fingers." Ted's eyes immediately meets your just as you come undone from schlatts fingers alone, and again Ted is groaning. "Don't cum yet, the shows not over." Ted never thought hearing his best friend say something like that would be so hot, let alone he would obey a command like that. Ted moves his hands away and just stares at the sight.

Schlatt moves up in between you legs, sucking his fingers clean as he does. Schlatt groans out, "fuck you taste so sweet." He adjusts himself and lines up to your entrance. "Come here look at her stretch up close it's mind blowing". Ted leans over and watches as schlatt slowly slides in, and that stretch looks amazing. It must feel amazing too cause as he slide in your hand fly's to Ted's arm holding on for dear life. After a few warm up strokes, schlatt sets a pace. This one more slow and sensual. So Ted follows only lightly stroking his dick with the arm you are not currently holding onto.

Then Ted sees the gentleness break in schlatt and he's slowly getting rougher, and faster and soon it's all Ted can do to keep up.

He already know you have have came at least twice now as each time you squeeze the fuck out of his arm.

"Gonna take all my cum darlin'. Take it like a good girl for me and Ted"

Fuck Ted almost came at his words, but he resists and keeps schlatts ruthless pace. Soon he hears schlatt and you moan mixed with you squeezing his arm, Ted cums all over his stomach.

He's out of breath looking back and forth between the two of you but when schlatt starts to slowly pull out he looks over at your wet cunt. When schlatt pops out of you he sees a white pool start to slowly come out. Having no idea where the confidence comes from he asks "may I?" Schlatt just nods with a big grin on his face so Ted reaches over, dips two fingers in the small pool coming out of you and slowly moves it back where it should be deep inside you. He groans and the feeling of your walls clenching around him, and the slight whimper coming from you makes him want to do more but he stops himself as he was only given permission for this. He slides his fingers out and pops them in his mouth and he's eyes roll back as he groans from the taste of both of you, when he take them out he sees schlatt looking at him with hooded eyes before he looks away. "I'm gonna go clean you guys up, Ted we are doing this again."

[cathers-world]

Sorry it’s taking me a long time to write my next thing promise it’s coming out soon just busy with work!

[soapier]

when it rains, it pours *ੈ✩‧₊˚ jschlatt, ted nivison

001. welcome back, slut!

connie, ted, and schlatt have been friends and roommates for a majority of college, seeing eachother through so many important experiences. but when connie comes home from summer break without a boyfriend, the first time since the three have met, house dynamics suddenly shift.

constance mcmahon

with a sigh, connie set down her suitcase and began fishing around her bag for her housekeys.

if i lost them this summer, i swear to god...

a-ha!

triumphant, she unlocked the front door, dragging her belongings behind.

it seems like ted and schlatt kept the house in decent shape over the summer, having elected to both stay for on-campus internships, while connie decided to take one closer to home and stay with her parents.

"hello?" she called out, not bothering to grab her phone and check findmyfriends.

"connie!" she saw ted come into the living room, giving her a hug to welcome her back.

"hi, ted," connie returned, tucking a piece of dark hair behind her ear as he released her from his grasp. "is schlatt home?"

"nah, he's picking up some pizza we ordered," ted answered, before continuing, "i thought you were coming back tomorrow? if we knew you were gonna be here tonight, we'd have ordered more."

"what, so now you're calling me fat?" connie laughed, to ted's panic.

"no no no of course not i—" "ted i'm joking, christ!"

she watched as relief soften his features.

"do you need help bringing anything else in?"

"no, this is it, but thanks, man," connie flashed him a smile before hauling everything upstairs to her room.

it was a mess, just as she'd left it. internally cursing herself, connie threw her hair up into a ponytail, beginning the (what would likely be grueling) process of organizing and putting everything from the summer away.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

half an hour later, connie heard the slam of the front door, signaling schlatt's arrival. having made decent progress on her room, she paused her music and went downstairs, though whether it was to greet her roommate or beg for a slice of pizza, even she didn't know.

"schlatt!" she grinned, hugging his side as he balanced a large pizza in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other.

"whoa! watch it, bitch," he squacked, his balancing act in jeopardy from the force of her greeting. he set his haul on the counter and called to ted for dinner.

with the most exaggerated puppy-dog eyes she could muster, connie began to beg for dinner. "pleaaase, schlatt? i'm your favorite roommate!" ted protested this, as schlatt used one hand to gently push her away, "you're lucky you're cute."

"i know!" she grinned, taking the paper plate he handed her and taking a place on the sofa.

her roommates soon joined her, and they began to, as connie called it, "debrief" their summers.

ted and schlatt's were both rather uneventful, mostly containing work stories, drinking, and lake days. mustering up every bit of courage and resolution she could find, connie finally broke the news that had been weighing on her for the past month.

"so..." she started, as the boys leaned in, "at the end of july... alex and i broke up."

the house was silent for a moment, before ted and schlatt simultaneously jumped up and began celebrating.

"we hated that fuckin' guy!" schlatt announced. "yeah, he was kind of a hick, and no good for you, he sucked!" added ted.

"wow, um, okay," connie put her hands up, almost in a surrender stance. "tell me how you really feel, then,”

"c'mon, cons, you can't tell me you're upset about that breakup. he's an asshole! i'm glad he's gone," ted sat back down beside her, a comforting hand on her arm. schlatt followed suit, sitting in the armchair by the couch.

"well," she watched as he reached into the brown paper bag that had made it into the living room with them. "i think that calls for a drink."

he pulled out his typical whiskey, some tequila for ted, and finally presented connie with her beloved seven-dollar wine.

"oh, schlatt, you're too kind," she feigned the utmost gratitute for her gift.

"yeah, yeah, ted told me you came home early, and i was stoppin' anyway, now i'm out seven bucks." he looked to her, grasping the neck of the bottle. "well? drink, bitch," he mimed pushing the wine up, and connie did just that, taking a few sips straight from the bottle.

"thanks, man. i do really appreciate it." she sent him a grin, readjusting to have her legs across ted's lap on the couch. "anyway, i'm not quite heartbroken." with another sip, she continued, "all i can really say is, alex is no longer my first and only."

this came with mild applause from her friends. connie had been notoriously loyal to her bum of a boyfriend for the past four years, despite the fact that he was often... not quite as dedicated, to put it nicely. he also would never believe connie when she said that there was nothing going on between her and whichever roommate he chose to demonize on that particular visit, even though she is largely too-innocent for her age. or, at least she was.

"boys, i have learned of the hellscape that is tinder, and there is no going back for me." she grinned, following her statement with yet another sip.

laughing a little, ted asked whether she was enjoying the post-breakup hoe phase.

"hoe phase? nah, hoe life. i been goin' through—“

"okay and with a quick change of topic," ted cut her off, likely not wanting to hear the gory details, "what do you guys think of having a party on friday? a little back to school function? most people should be around by then."

"why? so we can celebrate constance's glorious return?" schlatt asked, "what a great theme; welcome back, slut!"

connie knew he was joking, but still argued back, trying to defend herself, "and how many girls did you have over last semester, jared?"

"don't fuckin' call me that!"

"guys, guys, party? friday? yes or no?" desperate to start planning, ted attempted to re-focus the group.

"yeah, i'm game, i'll start texting people when i'm done getting moved in," connie began wracking her brain for a list of who to invite, knowing that ted likely wanted a packed house to celebrate the end of summer.

"sure, i don't care," nonchalant as ever, schlatt began picking up the remnants of dinner.

"great!" ted rubbed his hands together, clearly eager to start planning. "we're gonna start this semester off right."

[catn4pp]

Carving Pumpkins HC

an: short and sweet 🎃

( ted and schlatt x reader | date night)

content warning: none :)

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schlatt would get the pumpkin guts everywhere and complaining about how they feel weird

ted would be getting them in the bowl, but also complaining about how they feel

when you try to cut the top of you probably almost stab yourself 3 times, so ted or schlatt cut the top off for you

schlatt would definitely carve something for the shit of it

either a 0 effort “face” if you could even call it that or a penis

ted would carve something more traditional

scary faces, bats, ghosts, ect

he’s surprisingly good at it too

schlatt would get board and try to put pumpkin guts on your face

i love the hc of ted taking lots of polaroids

he would want to capture the moment so he would make you and schlatt pose by your pumpkins

schlatt has different plans tho, right before ted takes the picture he puts the pumpkin guts on your face

once you are all done you put the tealight candles in them and set them by your front door

you all settled down on the couch and cozied up together

you guys either put on a Halloween movie or tell eachother scary stories

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[luminarytex]

muted so much x readers looking for schlatt ships sigh not enough 😞😞😞

[pray4saint]

no bc this is so good and im going to think about this for days

ꨄ𝑵𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑯𝒆𝒍𝒑 𝒑𝒕.2ꨄ

Warnings: edging, some schlatt x ted content (I love them sm), degrading, dirty talk, praise, exhibitionidsm, overstimulation, dacryphilia

A/n: I am so sorry if this is shit! fics are hard and i am doing my best lmao <3

The entire drive home was silent, schlatt hardly talked to him. Ted was both anticipating and dreading getting back home; he knew a punishment was awaiting the both of you.

When schlatt had woken up last night he had snatched the phone right from Ted’s hand and hung up. He made sure to leave you a text letting you know that they were coming home tomorrow instead of the week later like they had originally planned, and to be ready.

He then threw the phone onto teds lap before grabbing his hair, making him look up at him. “If I even hear you trying to get yourself off it’ll be twice as bad for you tomorrow.” Before walking back to bed and promptly falling back asleep.

Schlatt hadn't ever talked to him that way before but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find it incredibly hot. This however is where the dread comes in.

Schlatt is nothing if not a man of his word, and ted was desperate. How did he expect Ted to listen to him after he had just witnessed you fucked out to the mere thought of him? Of course, he touched himself after schlatt explicitly told him not to, how could he blame him.

Now, though, his face is buried in the pillows, tears staining his cheeks. Schlatt's been edging him for what feels like forever. He just wants to cum, but he can't, because you continue to disobey Schlatt. Before this whole scene had started, Schlatt had told you that you were meant to watch as he fucked ted. But if you touched yourself, he's stop entirely until you stopped.

Of course you being the brat that you are, are taking advantage of that ultimatum, using it as a way to torture poor ted. You love the way the tears roll down his cheeks, the way he grips the sheets for dear life, and you especially love the way he cries and begs Schlatt to keep going. Eventually, Schlatt catches on to the little game you're playing, and takes pity on ted, and he could not be more thankful for it.

Schlatt is using his grip on ted's waist as leverage, thrusting into him a brutal pace. Constantly praising him for taking his punishment so well unlike you. "Such a good boy, Teddy, fuck-, doing so well f' me." all the while you're sitting in the office chair across from the bed, watching, and holy fuck it's the hottest thing you've ever seen. Two men who constantly butt heads over everything, reduced to nothing but moans and praises for each other. Schlatt might think this is a punishment for you, but this is the biggest reward you could have ever received.