#pro denethor

[theghostofloganroy]

Once in a while I like to remind people that Denethor II Son of Ecthelion Lord and Steward of Gondor, was canonically hot.

[anghraine]

#I've had thoughts on why they did this to Denethor before#but a lot of them boil down to the different cultural contexts#Tolkien and PJ were working in (via @fairy-anon-godmother)

I don't think either was an automaton of their cultural moment, but I do think it's very, hmm, interesting that the Jackson films are so deeply antagonistic towards Denethor and the Stewardship in general, and are pretty disinterested in Gondor/Gondorians by contrast to the expansive treatment of Rohan, the expansion/invention of minor characters to give a sense of the country and its people, etc. At the same time, the films lean very far into Aragorn being rightful king of Gondor by birth, more than the novel does, and have little interest in him needing to win over Gondor's people to rule it or actively working towards the kingship.

I don't think this was determined by their respective eras, but their respective eras certainly make the choices wrt Denethor, Aragorn, and Théoden intriguing.

I watched the movies first as a kid and they made it seem like denethor DIDNT want the beacons to be lit and I was so surprised when I read the book and it was all his idea. And that’s not even getting into them glossing over him using the palantir also. There’s just no seemingly good reason for either of those decisions except to make him into a simple caricature. It wouldn’t have been that hard to include?? And would have changed the whole tenor of his character in the films if they had

They actually do make it seem like that! The most Film Denethor moment to me is probably the shot of him glowering like Wormtongue as he sees the beacons light up. It's such a villain shot and yet his motives and actions are so reduced yet muddled that he's not even an interesting one. Like, it's not just that film Denethor is a terrible person regardless of the barely-alluded-to palantír where book Denethor is a great man whose pride and desperation lead him to use the palantír one last time and his sanity finally snaps. Film Denethor's motives are essentially "he be crazy and mean."

I obviously don't think highly of how the films handle Gondor in general, but my suspicion is that this is not mainly a result of just not having enough screen time. Making such an antagonist (if a pathetic one) out of him involved adding scenes, after all. I feel like there was actually an active effort to make him unworthy of respect. They could have made two movies out of ROTK (and probably should have) and I doubt it would have significantly changed the treatment of him.

The subtler, more complex gradations of his personality are already antithetical to the films' approach (see: Gimli). And Denethor additionally poses a direct challenge to Aragorn's super-special yet troubled heroism—as written in the novel, Denethor is probably closer to that than Aragorn himself, though both men are quite alike (as Tolkien repeatedly reminds us). And I don't think the films really want that likeness, or indeed want any other human men to be comparable to Aragorn in the way that book Denethor is.

That's so fundamental to the ethos and structure of the films that I think doing justice to Denethor would require a different way of thinking about the story, characters, and themes than was ever really going to happen with this production.

[eri-pl]

Silm reread 4: Elves!

again the narration spotlights how the Valar anjoyed stuff in shielded Valinor and Middle-Earth did not. I'm getting more convinced that it is canonically a not-so-great thing.

Balrogs are Melkor's earliest servants. And mentioned in each chapter.

Sun and Moon being the sign of the time of Elves ending is canon.

Varda made stars from the liquid Treelight. Like Silmarils. which means Gil-Estel is even closer to normal stars than I thought. (also: the stars are seeds? ^^ ) (no, I do not know why they did not ask Vards to break the stars instead, but i am pretty sure someone would ask me this)

The Valar are canonically surprised at each thing happening in its designated time even though they've seen it in the Vision.

Oh, this is just hilarious. (In a rather negative sense.)

Manwë on page 84: "Iluvatar told my heart to a) regain dominion over Ards, b) free the Elves from Melkor's shadow. So this is the plan.". The Valar on page 85: capture Melkor and happily go back to Valinor. dominion over Arda: left to be claimed by Sauron and random Elves. Elves: Free from Melkor, but not from the trauma, nor from Sauron, nor from probably some other things that could be seen as "Melkor's shadow". The Valar: Happy and proud of themselves.

Also, one of their main motivations to get Elves to Aman is "they'r pretty and we want to have them here", which is sub-optimal again. Sure, it's not bad-bad, but they are the Valar. I have high expectations for them.

I really think they should have Tulkas+Orome+someone smart (Namo because it's his job) go with Melkor and put him in jail, and all the others should have stayed and helped the Elves and taught them and stuff. Not instantly go back to their safe corner (which was the reason why they found the Elves so late).

Yes, I am somewhat Valar-critical. Like, I see them as the good guys and they are trying, but also I do have insanely high expectations which is probably unfair for them. But. The results.

(Also with all my dislike for Orome's personality, he is doing a lot of good job here).

"All the Elves revere Ingwë's name" — excuse me, what? this is one of the very "Silm is a secondary source" sentences. Sure, most Elves probably do. But do not tell me Feanor, or his sons, or people aligned to him revere the guy who a) is very, very pro-Valar b) is related to Indis and in some versions the reason why Finwe got together with her.

Like, sitting at Manwë's feeet and being his emotional support fanboy is great (unironically) and sweet, but even with the most positive interpretation of Ingwë he would not be respected by literally all Elves.

Oh, the original Denethor. I always forget him.

[tookishcombeferre]

Pip Rambles: Writing Influences

So, a recent comment on "In the Flares" prompted me to share a little bit more of a general writing pro-tip that have for writing in general.

Whenever I go into writing something, fan fic or otherwise, I generally have a whole list of characters/ other stories that I'm using as base inspiration for a character.

If you wanted to know where I got the inspiration or "mood board" for Cedric in "In the Flares of the Sun" here are a couple of my sources (none of these are in a particular order):

Runil from Elder Scrolls: Skyrim - this was super random. But, the idea for a Restoration mage with a checkered past and list of regrets sort of came from here. He can be encountered in Falkreath. He appears for all of like 2.2 seconds. But, he's one of my favorite characters in the game. He was once a battle mage who basically destroyed cities and tortured people. Now? He's a super sweet priest of the Restoration god Arkay who gives funerals and attends a grave yard with his assistant. Love him. Sweet little old elf man deserves to just forgive himself and live in peace.

Dr. Van Helsing from Bram Stoker's Dracula - This man drank his respect women juice and is just like simultaneously kind, intelligent, and incredibly strong in the scrappiest way possible.

Telemachus from The Odyssey - particularly this is what, I felt, Cedric longed for his relationship with Goodwyn *to be* he has been quite literally stuck in the waiting period for his dad his whole life. Yet, he has an incredibly profound relationship with his mother. So, in this way, this was a huge influence on Cedric's relationship with his parents as I began drafting. Also, on the flip side ...

Odysseus from The Odyssey - in a certain way, Cedric is the dad Sofia was waiting to have come home from the shipwreck. He's gone through the Underworld and back, and though changed, there is literally nothing he wouldn't destroy to save her. Odysseus is MESSED UP after his whole adventure getting back home, but there's still a lot of love in him. So, the undertones here made sense to me. The boat vibes were also strong after what I discovered in the finale. (Cedric will actually end up recounting this myth to Miranda at some point in the fic, and yes I plan for it to be as amazingly friendship! as that sounds.)

Carl Fredricksen from "Up" - I have a favorite "type" of character. It is called "grumpy old man who just wants to be left alone is redeemed by tiny child." That favorite archetype began when I read Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" at 6, it has not changed.

Dr. Jekyll from The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - I love elements of just about every adaptation of this story. I'm quite fond of the question of "what if those two got to integrate as opposed to forever be stuck separated." I thought DotS was an interesting way to answer that question given the way Cedric's personality changed throughout the series. Thus ... this.

Loki from mythology and Marvel - What can I say, I love both. I'm a huge sucker for the Loki of mythology who watches his giant wolf son get pummeled by the gods and decides vengeance is the answer because promises were broken. I also really like the whole "God of Stories" thing from the end of the recent TV series, and I felt like that vibed. You *might* actually see some of my love of Norse mythology, specifically Loki, show up somewhere else in the fic ... no promises ;)

Faramir from Lord of the Rings - LOOK ME IN THE FACE AND TELL ME THEY DON'T SHARE VIBES! The entire relationship Cedric has with Cordelia and his dad is just gives Boromir, Denethor, Faramir vibes! I can't unsee it!

Gandalf from Lord of the Rings - As mentors? ... they share vibes ... just ... they have vibes. Those vibes are shared. Incredibly loving, to the point of almost being overly indulgent, but they're also super grumpy and gruff. Externally gruff but secretly giant pushovers is their shared vibe. Like, come on, we all know Gandalf adores Pippin, but he can't SHOW that. Until he does. But, yeah, Cedric gives me the vibes of someone who would go from saying "Fool of a Took" to also "End? No the journey does not end here. Death is just another path, one we all must take." Cedric seems like he is, in fact, both of those people ... and so is Gandalf. And, I love that about them. (Side bar: That second quote was HUGELY influential on "In the Flares" as a whole.)

Elphaba from Wicked - specifically when thinking of Roland as Glinda, and how an extended edition of "For Good" would look.

There are probably others, and maybe even some more important ones, but these are the ones I remember right now.

However, when I write novels, I usually have a list (external or internal) for my OCs that are just like this one.

Occasionally, I find out there were a few more sneaky layers even I didn't catch until well into the writing process that I can either play up or play down to my liking as I go.

So, you can control whether or not those things end up being obvious or not. Like, I'll occasionally chuck things into my writing that I think will make folks chuckle if they're interested in the same sorts of myths or pop culture stuff I'm into. (Rick Riordan is famous for stuff like that.)

Sometimes, the influences I have will show up in the naming conventions I use for the characters, and other times they don't. It really depends on what I'm doing, the setting I'm creating, how influential the central pieces of "literature" are on the piece, etc.

(One of the books I'm writing right now has a subplot that necessitates the use of focusing on the characters choosing names from classic novels ... for reasons ...)

Sometimes, if I can, I'll put musical influences together as well so I can sort of "hear" the setting.

Often, I sketch stuff out. Particularly, I draw out sort of fashion designs for the characters so that I can see how characters would move in space given what kind of clothes they're wearing. (How mobile are they? What has the potential to snag? Etc.)

Sometimes I don't do that, but I often do most of that stuff for long form stuff like novels and novellas.

But, I almost always, no matter the length of the work, when pressed, can give you at least a handful of 10-20 characters that inspired each of the "Main Characters" (10-15 in long form; 2-3 in short form.)

Authors are always recycling stuff. Sometimes it's a trope. Sometimes it's literally just something as simple as "I think these two characters would get on if they had coffee together."

But, if you're in the business of writing original stories or characters, I can tell you making lists like this is immensely helpful.

What other characters would they get on with if they had coffee together? Who do they share vibes with? Are there different vibes based on different relationships (like the Telemachus vs. Odysseus thing)? Is there a particular character or two that help focus a particular scene? How does that influence the way you write them? Does the vibe change as the character changes?

This is why when they first teach you creative writing they tell you to read an excerpt and then try to write something of your own in the exact same style. Now, when I go to write my own stuff, I'm constantly aware of the little influences I've magpied over the years. But, I'm also well established enough in my own writing that I still sound "like me" around all my weird influences (ah Victorian era sci-fi and JRRT, my beloveds.)

So, anyway, not sure if anyone will read this and find it interesting. But, I hope somebody finds it helpful or, at the very least, fun.

Cheers,

Pip :D

[hobbitwrangler]

I'd love to know more about "Ivriniel screams internally" !! 🖤

Thank you Hara! <3

This fic is about Ivriniel's experience on the day of Finduilas' funeral. I see Finduilas' family as having a very complicated relationship with Denethor, particularly after Finduilas' death, due to Ivriniel not being very pro Finduilas leaving Dol Amroth. As such, the funeral not only has Ivriniel going through a lot of grief and other associated emotions, it also serves to highlight a lot of the more fraught family dynamics, which are always interesting to write about. I'm finding the funeral really interesting as a way of seeing what each of the characters (Ivriniel, Imrahil, Denethor, etc) look like when grieving.

All that talk, all her mother’s pointless twittering about what a good match Finduilas had made. “A man of such standing, and one who so loves her too!” And what good did that love ever do her? It killed her, took her away from the sea, planted her in foreign, unfriendly soil. “Is it not wonderful how in love she is?” her mother had said brightly, watching the happy couple in their first dance. As if she did not love things before him. Before Denethor, the sea and the winds and the beaches of Dol Amroth had Finduilas’ love. And they served her better in return than Denethor ever did. She had worried, when Denethor first began courting her sister. Finduilas was not made for Minas Tirith. She was made for the wind-whipped clifftops and dark rock pools of Dol Amroth. She was half convinced that in another life Finduilas had been a spirit of the sea, one of UInen’s servants who danced in the waves. She had said as much to her mother, who had ignored it. She had thought Ivriniel’s concerns came from an older sister’s possessiveness (and there had been an element of that) and resentment from her own failed marriage. I married for lust and Finduilas married for love, yet look at us now? What good did love ever do her, your daughter you so treasured? Was it worth it, sending her off to die in this doomed city, this temple to dead kings, this great tomb? But they had not listened to her. Not her mother, not her father, not even Finduilas, blinded by love. Her parents she was used to. They never had listened to her; that anger was a familiar one. But Finduilas … it was a terrible thing, to realise that her companion since her youth no longer listened to her opinion. And now I am right, and I can gain no satisfaction from it.

WIP game

[dishesoap]

just a reminder that this is still a pro-denethor ii steward of gondor blog. btw.

[emathevampire]

my friend sent me this dilemma in the group chat the other day, and i have to say… i’m picking 9. i’m gonna have so much fun pranking everyone on the rest of the plane before the balrog inevitably hijacks it as a result of something pippin did while we were out of our seats, and nearly kills us all (thanks gandalf).

will it be insufferable sitting in front of aragorn and arwen? probably. but it could be worse. we could be behind them. and you KNOW none of us are staying in our seats the whole flight, we’re gonna collectively migrate to 10 to bother gandalf and sam and boromir and just generally be bastardous little gremlins. That said, my rationale (which I was asked for as our group chat’s local LOTR expert) is as follows…

Balrog. This foe is beyond any of you. Do not sit here. I can only assume things are chill until Pippin does SOMETHING to set the balrog loose from these presumably god-tier seatbelt-plot-devices keeping all the bullshit contained.

Treebeard. EXCEEDINGLY chill, if you like poetry.

Frodo. This could either be very chill, or ZERO chill, depending on where you are in the journey. The pro play here is to trade seats with Sam. I mean really what kind of monster separated these two.

King Theoden. If it wasn’t for literally everything going on AROUND this seat, it would probably be okay.

Éomer. Again, if not for everything going on AROUND this seat, this would be one of the best in the house.

Boromir is going to die before this flight is over unless you somehow kill the Uruk-hai sitting next to him.

In the middle of Galadriel and Sauron??? I haven’t even read the Silmarillion yet and I know better than to sit here.

Aragorn and Arwen are going to be making out and crying about it the whole time. 0/10, do not sit here, they won’t even ask you to join.

Merry and Pippin. You are about to get SO high and have the BEST time, until they decide to steal Gandalf’s fireworks and set them off mid-flight.

Sam and Gandalf. I hope you like gardening and tall tales. Objectively one of the best seats in the house for real, I love Sam, but I’d rather be menacing him from seat 9.

Legolas and Gimli. They will be arguing over you like an old married couple the entire time. You don’t want to get involved, but they’re GOING to get you involved.

Lord Denethor and Faramir. Depressed idiot bastard who thinks he’s king, and his abused neglected son. I would only pick this seat for the opportunity to KILL DENETHOR. 🔪🔪🔪

The Witch King and Eowin. Do not sit here, unless you are no man and can help her kill this nazgûl bastard. As a genderfluid person, there’s like, at least a 25% chance at any given time that I might not qualify, so, sorry bestie but also? I know you’ve totally got this.

The King Under The Mountain. Are you Aragorn? No? And he’s distracted making out with Arwen? Don’t sit here.

Galadriel’s husband?? I don’t remember his name. It’s been a minute. This is probably fine though so long as you’re cool with Galadriel.

Lord Elrond. He’s cool, but probably busy glaring at Aragorn from across the aisle.

17. Uh. Well. That’s… Literally All Of The Nazgûl. What can I really say, except… You’re fucked, man. Do not sit here.

Though I’d be lying if I said my brain didn’t immediately pull this post up out of the abyss upon seeing the placement of Seat #17.

[frodo-with-glasses]

The Defense of the Door, Part Two

Details are under the cut.

<< Prev | Next >>

[theghostofloganroy]

No because I totally get why Denethor doesn't want Aragon to retake the throne of Gondor.

Imagine you and the whole lineage before you looking after and successfully looking after an entire country for years in the absence of a monarch and you've done a pretty good job of it. You've proven countless times that having a monarch is not necessary to the day to day running of the country because you've been doing that for years.

And then suddenly you're expected to give all that up?

And somehow you're expected to hand over an entire country all it's inhabitants, inhabitants over?

It wasn't as if Denethor was an ineffectual ruler, he was actually extremely competent and proven countless times that he was capable of leading.

I'd be batshit mad about that too and would have something to say about it as well.

[morwensteelsheen]

A Farewell to Arms

Chapter 41

“It’s perfectly sensible,” said Faramir. Together they stepped into the tunnel that led to the Sixth. “There was no legitimacy to the rejection of Arvedui’s claim, even accepting that power speaks louder than the law, Arvedui’s military might was the greater. Pelendur’s agitation against the claim was sundered from reason and fact and put Gondor at unspeakable risk, it was only Arvedui’s benevolence that prevented a terrible war. We are asking the lords of the Council to annul that decision, recognise the legitimacy of Arvedui’s claim, and rectify the errors of history.”

🖊On Ao3🖊

Fandom: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationship: Éowyn/Faramir (son of Denethor II)

[sonxofxgondor]

Veiled in the warcraft of his people - the skins of animals across his back, the light armor that served to protect his torso, cape and metal - the Chieftain of the Wainriders was proud. Hatred for Gondor noticed from first glance, the way in which sword was held firm in hand, shield dangling from horse-saddle side, eyes squinted and mouth pressed to thin line. Flesh of sallow-color tanned ever more by the sun that had not yet set, the brightness of faded orange, hair that ran straight down and beyond his shoulders moved from wind alone. Danced in the breeze that dared to distort the marks about his forehead, adorned in pink; made red the scars that misshaped his youth. True age ruined by such troubles, the toll of conflict, never to be regained. Lost like the countless who were buried; the look of this foe none too strange for Boromir.

An enemy that he had known before, recalled in both dreams and when awake, an end that would follow only a singular path. Forked into two points but always led to the same destination; the touch to his own weapon was proven tight, knuckles white underneath the black leather gloves Boromir wore, fingers pressed deeply into the handle. Haerondir to be escaped from; more than one returned to the place of Hal's rest, Denethor's planned mission forsaken for better, sweeter glories. What could rival the loveliness of her soft kiss. Gentle onto Boromir's cheek, the stubble that had not been shaved, slightly overgrown and darkened, Hal's delicate gesture. Gave reason for the fast beat that captured his heart, the cause for his hand to grab hers, without another word did Boromir begin their journey out.

Old castle stone that was transformed; lunges across the broken bits, the rocks and rubble that had been destroyed by adversary intent. Catapult boulders and the heads of friends stolen, tortured and mutilated; stains of blood laid on the shale, still, scarlet and crimson splattered carelessly. Thrown against the walls and sides - hurled into the windows, shattered the glassware and torn the tapestries - centuries created. Fashioned from difficult labors, tears and sweat, Anborn parted with no more than little words, quick goodbyes and the courtesy of nodded head. Loyal as any of his fellow Rangers, brave and stern; familiar with the earnestness of Boromir, the actions of so passioned heart.

Focus turned from the view in front to the view behind, Boromir shifted his sights about himself and Hal, always mindful, always thorough, ever while his legs made their leaps and bounds over stone and grasses alike. At the point between stone and earth, his hand never untangled from hers, interlaced together and only able to be separated from the force of the gods. Powers that could split the world and have it all be reborn anew.

"Come! Come, my dearest!" Boromir beckoned, muscles sore from the exertion but stubborn despite, breath collected and released in due speed. "We're nearly to the horse!"

Speckled gray with mane so silver, the stallion had remained as Boromir left him. Devouring what he could of the greens beneath his hooves - barely sprouted from the soils, tips brushed only in faint shade - what death and evil had not claimed, the outskirts of Mordor. Free to roam as he pleased until the return of his master, more so friend, Boromir greeted the horse in delicate embrace, unoccupied hand slid from neck to shoulder. A learned touch; from the lessons of Rohan's finest, where Gondor had gone uncertain and unsure, where the search for Merry and Pippin had brought.

Boromir encouraged, both hands prepared to assist, the unfortunate release of Hal to be soon soothed. "Up you go, Hal. You first."

"Worry not, Anborn and the others are more than capable of holding Haerondir, as you already understand. And, on behalf of my father, the Steward of all Gondor, I declare your mission finished." Boromir announced, once the smallest signs of hesitation played on the features of Hal, a Ranger never satisfied until her promises were seen through.

"I'll not have you spend another moment here, not when there is no need to. You have done your service to my father. You have served his wishes, though meaningless and downright mad they were. You have made me proud, Hal. Not that I have ever lost faith in you. Come, as you said, let's go to your lodgings. Let us be together, speak on what needs to be spoken of. I have much to say. So much to make up for. If not for the safety of one another alone, hop up on the horse to least be rid of this dreadful place. I cannot bear the air, Hal. It steals my breath; makes heavy mine heart which is yours. Please, love."

   A glance back at where Boromir lay sleeping was made only to remember why she was letting a man, other than her Chieftain, to dictate her movements. If it also assisted her own leader and kin, than all was well. Once clear of the gates of Minas Tirith, a soft whistle stirred the air and a wild black Rohan warhorse soon stopped at her side. She swung herself up onto the bare back and were gone from sight in a matter of mere minutes. Spoken commands were not required between rider and horse, for they had learnt the silent tells of the other. Companions of old, few knew the true length of their friendship. but all were aware of Star’s unbroken wild nature and that the Rohirrim had classed the stallion as untrainable. A true son of the Mearas.

   The land passed quickly as they moved across the border between Gondor and Mordor, instincts on high alert and remaining hidden from view. Only coming to a stop once Star would go no further towards the Black Gates, the entrance to that terrible land. She knew the limits of her old friend and appreciated that he had taken her this far towards her destination. The wild stallion nosed her gently, before eating a apple from her hand and returning to the greener parts of North Ithilien until her whistle sounded once more. Dark grey eyes followed the dust trail of her fast moving friend until she no longer could see him, before turning and slipping into the ruins of a old castle nearby.

   Haerondir had been turned into a watch post by a few of the Ithilien Rangers, under the current command of Faramir’s Second. She had a quiet conversation with Anborn about what Denethor had sent her to do and left what she didn’t need in the room they had given her. Thoughts slipping momentarily to the Gondorian Captain who she had left behind with her heart. Never thinking that he would follow her to the Black Gates and the scouting task she had been set. A task that few would dare take on and even less would return from; a perfectly good solution that Denethor thought would let his eldest son find someone far more suitable for him.

   With their relationship being so new and his father not liking her, Hal had been painfully aware that she was trusting Boromir with her more vulnerable side. One she had hidden from the world when just the tender age of five. For now though, her attention switched to being fully on the scouting task ahead. Dissociating from her emotions and thoughts enough to concentrate on the Black Gates from her hiding place. Although seeming focused completely on the Marannon, the soft spoken Ranger tilted her head slightly as the familiar presence appeared by her side. Dark orbs remained fixed on the enemy ahead, hoping that for once her senses and instincts were wrong at who it was.

   His question destroyed that faint hope, that it was exactly who she thought. Denethor had sent her on a mission to a place that few returned from alive, getting her away from his treasured eldest son and Boromir had followed her there.

“Boromir…”

   His name was whisper soft on her lips, eyes finally drifting across to focus on the Captain she loved. This was where her ability to multi-task came into it’s own, for she could focus on what he was saying and their surroundings at the same time. Hearing the sadness and fear, Hal reached out a fingerless gloved hand and rested it on his hesitantly, unsure if her touch would be welcome at that moment. It remained there briefly, before returning to her side; a mixture of surprise, love and a quick flicker of fear breaking through the infamous Ranger mask of stone and neutrality.

   “I..-“ Her words came to a stop, something making the expression on her face twist and already dark eyes went a shade closer to pitch black. A familiar shiver of cold went through her, despite the lack of wind, causing her to look up the hill and spotted the ghostly Wain-riders’ Chieftain staring back. Hal turned back to Boromir and tried her words again. “I love you too, Boromir. And I never wanted to leave you the way I did but I was given no choice. But can we return to where I’ll be staying the night, for I don’t wish to be out here when the light fades. It’s not safe” She murmured quietly, pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek until they got somewhere slightly less dangerous.

[sentryisbbygirl]

I like to think that, before Findulias died, Faramir was Denethor’s favorite

[aphroditesmoon]

ෆ masterlist ๑⁠˙

AO3 ACCOUNT for my book ship fanfics

requests: closed 🫶

A/N: there is no guarantee that I will do your request, I write what im comfortable with.

DNI: racists, sexists, homophobes, ableists, pro-israel

fandoms; -house of the dragon, -the last of us(hbo/game), -wednesday(netflix), -lord of the rings(books/movies), -the last kingdom(netflix), -cosmere(brandon sanderson), -narnia(books/movies), -spiderverse(itsv/atsv), - mortal kombat(game), -call of duty modern warfare(game), -percy jackson and the olympians (books and tv series)

ARCANE°°°

Sevika X Reader

smoke signals part ii part iii part iv

(warnings: selkie!reader, lighthousekeeper!sev, reader has selective mutism)

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIAN°°°

Clarisse La Rue X Reader

enemies to lovers hcs

(warning: mild violence, kissing )

the look of love, the rush of blood

(warnings: aphrodites daughter!reader, fluff)

back to you

(warnings: ep2 spoilers, protective clarisse)

I like a challenge when the prize is you

(warnings: platonic luke x reader, kissing)

wish you'd tell me

(warnings: oblivious reader, flirty clarisse, kissing, mostly fluff)

cause I love this curse on our house

(warnings: sparring violence, arguing, hurt/comfort, fluff at end)

love letters from the sea to the shore

(warnings: siren reader, slightly ooc clarisse)

lacrymosa part 2

(warnings: in chapter description)

tide

(warnings: enemies to lovers, cursing, reader is daughter of Poseidon)

•••

SPIDERVERSE°°°

Gwen Stacy X Reader

first date hcs

(warnings: none, fluff, fem reader)

relationship hcs. fluff hcs 2

(warnings: cursing, fluff, kissing)

lose your faith in me

(warnings: hurt/comfort, curse words, gn reader)

mirrored hearts

(warnings: afab reader, gn terms, spider-person reader, curse words)

love it if we made it

(warnings: curse words, gwen's peter is alive, gn terms, reader described as having long hair)

picture me better

(warnings: none, afab reader, gn terms, flirty gwen, adhd coded reader, fluff)

I'm holding my night in your hands

(warnings: fem!reader, flirty gwen, maybe ooc gwen a bit, overthinker reader, fluff)

see how it shines

(warnings: none, fluff, flirty gwen, fem reader)

heaven

(warnings: angst)

•••

THE LAST OF US°°°

Joel Miller x Reader

running free

(warnings: angst w fluff, mentions of blood)

here with me

(warnings: age gap (reader is 34), fluff)

-

-

Tommy Miller X Reader

dating tommy hcs (warnings: nsfw, pregnancy, mentions of gun/shooting)

-

-

Tess Servopoulos x Reader

tess x sunshine reader: oneshots/hcs

be sweet to me (warnings: violence/robbery)

•••

LOTR/ THE HOBBIT°°°

Gigolas (Legolas Greenleaf x Gimli Son Of Gloin)

winterlude

(warnings: none)

sweet creature

(warnings: gore, blood, orcs)

-

-

Boromir son of Denethor x Reader

lady of the lake

(warnings: lotr spoiler, physical assault (unintentional)

halfling

(warnings: none)

let time heal

(warnings: wounds, injuries)

-

-

Aragorn son of Arathorn X Reader

shrike

(warnings: hurt/comfort ish, mostly fluff, mentioned nudity)

Legolas Greenleaf x Reader

too close

(warnings; nsfw, smut, enemies to lovers, jerk leggy)

•••

WEDNESDAY °°°

Wenclair (wednesday addams x enid sinclair)

afterglow

(warnings: slight angst w fluff ending)

cara mia

(warnings: implications of homophobia)

-

-

Wenclair x Reader

dove

(warnings: bullying, outcast reader, gender neutral terms for reader)

like real people do

(warnings: transmasc reader, afab reader, nb pronouns)

cherry pit

(warnings: requested/reader with name)

-

-

Xavier Thorpe x Reader

it's you I think of

(warnings: (jealous!xavier, fluff ending)

as strange as it seems

(warnings: none)

how to get out of love

part ii

(warnings: angst, mentions of blood and wounds)

newlyweds hcs

(warnings: slight nsfw, absent parent)

celebrating your birthday with him hcs

(warnings: reader uses he/him pronouns)

-

-

Yoko Tanaka x Reader

devil's sweetheart

(warnings: smut, nsfw, minors dni!!, mention of abusive relationship, cheating)

-

-

Wednesday Addams x Xavier Thorpe

(coming soon)

•••

THE LAST KINGDOM°°°

Osferth x Reader

from eden

(warnings; smut, nsfw (minors dni!!)

tinderbox of a heart

(warnings: mentions of prostitution and child neglect)

osferth taking care of sick wife reader hcs

(warnings: none)

sweet

(warnings: nsfw, smut (minors dni!!), slight angst, black cat/golden retriever)

-

-

Sihtric Kjartansson x Reader

in full bloom

(warnings: pregnant reader, bit gore, s5 spoilers)

•••

HOTD°°°

Jacaerys Velaryon

replaceable

(warnings; angst, minor character deaths)

- part ii

- part iii

- part iv (nsfw!!)

lady of the house of wolves

(warnings - gore, violence, minor character death)

bejeweled

(warnings; nsfw, smut, minors dni!!)

all's blood runs dry but yours

(warnings; blood, nsfw, smut, minors dni!!)

kerosene

(warnings: none yet)

- part ii

- part iii

opal angel

(warnings: none)

jace as your boyfriend (modern!au)

(warnings: smut, minors dni!!)

daughter of whispers

(warnings; none)

delicate

(warnings: THAT decapitation scene)

halloween

(warnings: grief, mentions of death)

reverie

(warnings: social anxiety, nsfw, smut, minors dni!!)

go as a dream

(warnings: none)

out of touch

(warnings: nsfw(minors dni!!), gore, slight angst + fluff

ending)

lotus

(warnings: none)

silver into rain

(warnings: none)

jace with breeding kink hcs

(warnings: nsfw, smut, minors dni!!)

jealous jace

(warnings: none)

andromeda

(warnings: angst w fluff ending)

kill bill

(warnings: jealous!reader)

mended hearts once sewed apart

(warnings: angst w fluff, jacemond has beef)

thoroughfare

(warnings: angst, death)

jace as a daddy's girl hcs

(warnings; none)

moonkissed

(warnings: nsfw, smut (minors dni!!)

tutoring jace modern!au hcs

(warnings:none)

golden

(warnings: slavery, mentions of SA)

part 2 part 3 part4

sweetest thing on this side of heaven

(warnings: none)

stuck on a puzzle

(warnings: bit angst, all characters r aged up)

heavy is the crown

(warnings; aged-up jace, mentions of canon character deaths, nsfw, mentions of smut, grief)

let the light in

(warnings: cheating(not on jace), infidelity, grief, angst)

fade into you

(warnings: age-gap, targcest)

sea, swallow me

(warnings in description)

Part 2 part 3 part 4

you go back to the old house but you've been locked out

(warnings in description)

death grips

(warnings in description)

-

-

Harwin Strong

melting moment

(warnings: smut, minors dni!!)

[anghraine]

5 writers/5 things

I was tagged by @incognitajones <3

The meme is: talk about five things you might find in a story of mine and tag five writers to answer the same question.

I appreciate the "might" given the sheer quantity of things I've written. ;)

1- Positioning lead-in: I have no idea what the formal name for this is, it's just how I think of it. I typically start stories with some statement that leads into the character's head space before anything happens—it might be about their character or feelings about a specific person/issue, it might be a reference to a past event or a description of how things stand in or up to the moment. But I rarely drop directly into the plot or scene.

For instance:

The Steward Faramir was, Éowyn swiftly concluded, a strange man.

Jyn never forgot the moment when her mother’s body slumped to the ground.

In the first few years after his escape from Yakone, Noatak drifted: from place to place, from name to name.

2- Full names: I have a strong preference for using full given names unless it's very clear the character themself favors a nickname. If anything, using the full name is Significant—as with Elizabeth Bennet, for instance, who has nicknames among family and friends, but invariably uses Elizabeth in her own thoughts and narration. And that's what Darcy uses at the very end of the book, as well (<3). So in my P&P fic, I always refer to her as Elizabeth rather than Lizzy (or Eliza, lol).

3- Genderbending: This isn't the majority of my fics, but according to AO3, a mere ... 40 (out of 219). These are overwhelmingly "canon male fave -> Always A Girl", though in my head, the character is fundamentally agender and just mildly susceptible to socialization in whatever direction it's applied (i.e. my experience). So she'll be like "as a woman..." but also there's generally a certain amount of frustration.

These fics typically deal with gender in a somewhat didactic kind of way. Lucy Skywalker has to prove herself to get accepted as a pilot, Catherine Darcy has to marry to secure her inheritance, Fíriel of Minas Tirith got along well with a Denethor who never expected her to be a warrior, while Taraka of the Northern Water Tribe is terrorized by Yakone and, with better intentions, Noatak, in ways that are deeply inflected by gender. I regret nothing.

4- OCs: OCs have a bad reputation and people are often leery about including them in major roles, but idk, I've never been concerned about that. And I don't just mean characters we know nothing about but who presumably exist; I've always been willing to invent original characters out of whole cloth and just slot them in, like Cecily Fitzwilliam in various P&P stories, Devona Fairchild in pro patria, Efrah and Zekheret among others in ad astra, etc.

5- Not quite meta: I often push back against ideas/fanon I disagree with in fics and forward headcanons and interpretations that I prefer. This isn't particularly exceptional, but I do tend to be very deliberate about it. When I'm at odds with fanon, I'll go to pains to mention that (say) my Georgiana Darcy has dark hair or try to indicate that my Cassian is grey-ace or things like that.

Honorable mention: WIPs!

No-pressure tagging: @ladytharen, @kareenvorbarra, @irresistible-revolution, @brynnmclean, @melyzard

[bretwalda-lamnguin]

#hey what the hell the idea of DENETHOR AND ECTHELION having had a REVERSE second best situation while turgon was alive is sooooo…… #of him being better thought of than ecthelion…i mean im SURE ecthelion felt threatened by that even before turgon died! #and then denethor Instantly validates all his concerns! and depending on how publicly his sidelining of denethor was. it kind of destined #him to be remembered by the pro-denethor contingent in gondor at the time as the father who should’ve stepped aside for the son #and yet clung to power…..There’s So Much Here. #i just think it would be sooooo fun if in the ecthelion-denethor:denethor-faramir parallel #denethor is smart enough to see the parallel that one duty outweighs the other but NOT emotionally intelligent enough to realize that maybe #faramir is coming from a similar place (or at least line of reasoning) as himself… #that he doesnt intend to do his father any wrong but to him he is making The Only choice that he possibly can#and honestly he’s probably doing his father a favour. its emphatically Not his fault that his father took it as an insult #its just. really delightful to me. ur so close and yet so far. ALTHOUGH maybe it doesn’t even matter #to him duty to gondor comes above all else. augh wait. the fact that in this interpretation he kind of UNINTENTIONALLY sacrifices his #relationships with both his father AND his younger son. for the sake of his duty to gondor. god. well that was a fun revelation for 10:12am #theres such a tasty opportunity for just some Major cognitive dissonance in how he processes all that! #i never took from you / asked of you anything that was not already mine to have. it is NOT my fault how you decided to take that #vs just like an enormous (self centred of course) regret. not ‘if i hadn’t done that’ but more of like. #i cant allow myself to regret what i did because i did what was right. but i wish i could’ve lived in a time when it wasn’t necessary

#MAN ONE MORE THING. and then i promise im done. i am literally still thinking about what you said last week about denethor and thorongil #that denethor either has to defeat thorongil or claim him for himself. AUGH THAT WAS CRAZY. #but my point is that i feel like ecthelion looks at the intensity of denethor’s rivalry with thorongil and thinks Well. #i think it is definitely partially engineered on ecthelion’s part but im going back and forth whether it was that the rivalry was born #completely out of their battle for ecthelion’s favour or if thorongil came in and he and denethor kind of See each other #in a numenorean2numenorean moment. and experience immediate self recognition in the other (DEROGATORY) and ecthelion looks at that and goes #hmm. an opportunity has arisen. idk both are fun #FASCINATING IMPLICATIONS RE: HIM NEVER TRYING TO TAKE ANYTHING HE DIDNT THINK HE HAD THE RIGHT TO HAVE!!!! #WOW. WOW…i mean just holy shit the idea of maybe the first time he’s allowing himself to want something (someone) out of not even Not Duty #but just Pure Fucking Spite. but also maybe at the same time being like. he (ecthelion)’s claimed something that should rightfully be mine. #now it’s my turn. see how he likes it when i take his favourite captain for MY own. god thats so messed up im fucking delighted #man this is like three essays compressed in here LOL i prob should’ve put it in a reblog but i wanted it to go through peer review first….

@afaramir's tags, I'm so glad you get this! It's the only way this works for me tbh, and the triangulation between Ecthelion-Aragorn-Denethor is so potentially interesting.

Ecthelion isn't evil or stupid, he knows full well that Denethor is powerful and cunning. I also do not get at all interpretations where Ecthelion thinks Denethor is weak, I don't like that with Faramir, with Denethor it's just incomprehensible.

Denethor was always clever, driven, eldritch and had a ruthless streak I think, and that scared Ecthelion.

I love what you said about Denethor being clever enough to see the parallel with himself and Faramir, but not emotionally intelligent enough to understand where Faramir is coming from! That's so tragic I love it.

Also yes Denethor and Aragorn are definitely rivals for their own sake as well! Denethor sees Aragorn as a mystery to be solved and a bomb he must diffuse before it goes off, but who in his hands could be a powerful weapon. Meanwhile Aragorn knows short term that if anyone blows his cover it will be Denethor, and long term only he can deny him the throne. But beyond the political dynamics of the trio there are all kinds of messy personal feelings, both love and hate that get in the way. Denethor claiming Aragorn out of spite is great.

I’ve said before that I find Denethor and Ecthelion’s relationship strange. Denethor is clearly very competent, very dutiful and very Númenorian. You’d think he’d be seen as the perfect heir to the Stewardship, and yet his relationship with Ecthelion seems abysmal. Ecthelion prefers Thorongil over him, despite them giving him basically the same counsel.

I think I’ve managed to wrangle a set of headcanons that make sense to me. Most of this is speculation, but hopefully in character.

Denethor saw himself as being destined to lead Gondor during a time of great need, and Sauron’s return to Mordor happens when he is in his early 20s. Turgon still lived, with Ecthelion as his heir. Denethor’s power and cunning were presumably obvious from a young age. Perhaps by this point he was already better thought of than Ecthelion by some.

Ecthelion seems to have been a competent leader, and certainly no fool. The appendices call him “a man of wisdom”, but this seems a far cry from Denethor’s description:

“a proud man, tall, valiant, and more kingly than any man that arisen in Gondor for many lives of men; and he was wise also, and far-sighted, and learned in lore.”

“A masterful lord, holding the rule of all things in his own hand.”

In this context, Ecthelion almost seems to be being damned with faint praise. Denethor was dutiful and did not take that which he did not see as his right. He made no claim on the throne. His use of the Palantir however shows great self-confidence, which along with his belief of being destined to lead Gondor and the old Húrinionath tradition of being led not by the most senior but most competent man of their family may have led to strife with Ecthelion.

I think shortly after Turgon’s death Denethor made Ecthelion an offer, to make Denethor joint or sole regent to rid himself of the troubles of ruling, similar to Romendacil II with his father and uncle. Ecthelion took this (understandably but wrongly) as Denethor threatening him and plotting a coup. This shatters their relationship and leads to Ecthelion’s close relationship with ‘Thorongil’. He’s the perfect answer to Denethor, removes any need for dependence on his son and is undoubtedly loyal (while also serving as a surrogate son). Thorongil is a perfect shield for Ecthelion, and Denethor’s rivalry with him keeps Ecthelion’s position safe.

This holds until Ecthelion begins to show his age. Unable to rule anymore, he’s forced to concede more power to Denethor, who now starts to take up the regency. Aragorn is backed into a corner in this potential powder keg and decides to take his victory at Umbar and quit while he’s ahead.

This also neatly parallels Denethor's own relationship with Faramir. Ecthelion believes Denethor is disloyal because his duty to Gondor outweighs his duty to his father. Denethor in turn sees Faramir as disloyal because his duty to his own moral code outweighs his duty both to his father and his country.

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

After fifteen years, One Night With the King is a Dumpster fire of a movie that I was OBSESSED WITH when I was like 11 or 12 (I was obsessed with all things Queen Esther as a kid, because it was my sister's name--I took out my church library's copy of the Hannah☆Barbara cartoon so frequently I practically had partial fucking ownership of it and when my church cleaned out all of the VHS tapes I took it home to keep even though I didn't have a VHS player anymore).

It's a bad movie. It's not good. The dialogue is tragic, the costumes are bonkers, and Tiffany Dupont is... wow she's bad.

But

BUT

BUT

I watched it again for one reason

And it's only a so-so excuse because Hellboy: The Golden Army exists and if I want a fix why wouldn't I just watch that?

It was all for Luke Goss, okay?

So I re-watched it, beer in hand, and bring to you a live blog of a terrible movie that's still the only "Faith-based" LIVE-ACTION film that remotely comes close to being what one might consider "well-produced". (I had originally not stipulated live-action, such would have lumped Prince of Egypt in with the rest and that... that's almost Sacrilege.)

Buckle-in.

****

This took 3 reblogs to finish so for my full 3 part liveblog, click here

- This is produced by FoxFaith, which I'm guessing is why it has, like, production values.

- We start with narration by Gimli (John Rhys Davies plays Mordecai and it's pretty great).

- I'll give it this the music is pretty stirring.

- Tiffany Dupont, aside from being a pretty bad actress, is not pretty enough in my estimation to be Esther, because, like, Esther was chosen for her beauty (and I know they try to make it more romantic here by having him fall in lurv with her, but even so) she should be much prettier than that, call me shallow.

- Flashback 500 years to Saul's disobedient ass not going full genocide on the Amalakites like he was supposed to.

- Enter a very angry Peter "The Prohpet Samuel" O'Toole. I feel SO BAD for all the secular audiences who rented this from Blockbuster because they saw Peter O'Toole was in it, because he's only here for like one scene in this pro-logue flashback to give you background on why Haman is such a bitch; and they had the nerve to put him in the top billed cast to lure people in. His shoulder pads just kill me. WTF.

Did I mention this script is tragic? It can't decide whether it's Shakespeare or the Bible and it's clearly trying SO HARD to be both.

- Fleshing out the characters part one: Make Hadassah wanna get out of dodge! She wants to go to Jerusalem babayyy!

- Add one sassy housekeeper, for comic relief.

- Add cute boy-next-door/childhood best friend (the housekeeper's son) who likes Hadassah and wants to run away with her to Jerusalem babayyy!. He's called Jesse. It doesn't go so good for him.

- Tiffany dupont's got a very cozy mid-atlantic accent. I didn't think that was possible.

- Love how Hadassah's like "ooh look fancy rich person!" and her friends are all like "oh hadassah, always dreaming", implying that she's got these Anne Shirley style fantasies of being a princess, but then she's terrified of being rounded up with the opportunity of being queen. inconsistent.

- Ominous riders in black. Very unsubtle and swastika imagery associated with Haman. Not gonna say anything. I look askance at the implications there, though, given that this movie was shot entirely in India.

- So Hadassah sees the evil Agagite swastika. She clearly recognizes it. make note of this for later.

- Ominous night meeting between Haman and. . . Okay, Denethor is also here. He plays a bad guy. Of Course.

- I am so done with Haman's fucking "I'm so evil" bat-man voice.

- Haman just dumps out the money that Denethor just gave him for being evil-schemey behind the king's back. I guess because they make Haman's hatred of the Jews for revenge reasons his primary motivating characteristic, while greed is totally secondary. They really try to make him a ScaryEvilVillain (TM) instead of the snivelling asswipe he is in the Bible. More on that later.

- Okay, so flashback to Hadassah's dead parents giving her her VerySpecialNecklace that's apparently from the Promise Land. This is clearly very important. It's very unimpressive, and it's supposed to do this this where if the light catches it right, it refracts stars of David all over the place, which rotate aaround the room, even though the necklace isn't movie. I take major points away for this. it's so fucking cheesy.

- Mordecai talking with a priest pal who just came into town from Jerusalem "Ah, what ecstacy to stand in the presence of the Almighty, like the intimate embrace of a husband and wife. Foreshadowing the importance of Romance! *jazz hands* in this story. This one's for you, ladies!

- Dumb moth flutters past Hadassah, sitting on the roof, because we needed another cheesy motif here.

- Moth flies to the Palace, of course. Gimli's voice over continues to flesh out the characters. There's a subplot/motivation device here that includes references to going to war with Greece and the season of feasting here is a cause for debate on whether King Luke Goss is going to avenge his father's death and keep fighting Greece.

- Speaking of King Luke Goss. If there was any doubt to the idea that this movie was made for us thirsty Christian gals, this is how they introduce him:

- Very disappointed that they didn't deck the feasting hall with "White and blue linen hangings fastened with white linen cords". And all the cups are supposed to be gold and each one different from the other. #bookaccuracy fail here.

- So because we're fleshing out the characters, Vashti refuses to show up to the feast when summoned, not because she doesn't want to be shown off like a horse, but because she's in protest of the king going to war with Greece. I guess because she doesn't want him to die? Anyway, understandable change, since he's a RomanticHero (TM).

- Hadassah sneaks out to check out the feast with Jesse.

- Ahhh JOKES! WE GOT 'EM!

*pretty sure he said "I would drink also to my guard" the joke makes more sense in that context*

- So then Denethor suggests they drink to Vashti's beauty, knowing the crowd will urge the king to bring her out and show her off. I guess Xerxes kind of has an arc here where he has to decide "are you gonna do what your father would have expected of you or being a peace-time culture king like you want to" and has to decide to face up to his advisers and make is own choices, y'know. He's only been king for three years, so this is a pretty decent character building device.

- The crowd is chanting for Vashti. And because Xerxes has drank at least half a glass of Respect Women juice, so he's like "What are they serious? They expect me to just trot her out?" then his sneaky advisors who want to stir shit up are like "Vashti's protesting the war, this would put her in her place." but Hegai, the cool eunuch (played by the late Tommy "Tiny" Lister, God rest his soul) is like "Sir, don't do it. You know the queen's position on the war." But Xerxes does it anyway. Ya'll know the story from there. Feminist Icon (TM) Vashti is like "Bitch, no".

- Jesse and Hadassah, are watching the feast from the rafters and flirt badly. Hadassah just wants to see the queen too. Jesse tries to kiss her and she's like, nah bro.

- You guys want a laugh?

- King Luke Goss, having opened himself up to having is pride wounded by his women, does indeed have his pride wounded. Denethor and the guys tell him that he's gotta put his woman in her place, lest all the women in the kingdom defy their hubbands. This is from the Book. King Luke Goss's right hand man is like "Well, protocol says you gotta throw her out on her ass so *shrug*".

- Take a drink every time they say the word "Protocol"

- Cue Mordecai's "Oh shit" face.

- Hadassah is like "hey jesse this just escalated. If there's no Queen with pretty dresses to admire, then let's run away to Jerusalem babayyy!

- Gimli explains in voice-over that the king sent out a decree that every eligible young woman be sought out and brought to the palace. Like Cinderalla, but with more police brutality.

- unfortunately for our pal Jesse, they round up young men too. You know, cuz if there's gonna be this huge influx of women in the palace, you need eunuchs to attend to them.

- hadassah is bummed that Jesse didn't show to run away with her. Then we cut to Mordecai explaining that women are being rounded up. "But no worries, I'm sure they won't get you. i mean how many women could they possibly need? I bet the nobles have already gotten their daughters an in through bribes. but uh, just in case, we'll give you a Babylonian name. How about Esther?"

- So Hadassah, having just been told that girls are being rounded up on the streets, decides she's gonna go for a walk. guess what happens then?

- the soldiers who nab her steal her VerySpecialNecklace.

- Hadassah and the gals are brought into a dank looking vestibule. In a neat editing thing she Prays that for God to "turn these dungeons into someplace wonderful". cut to a torch-lit room with marble-tiled floors. I see what you did there.

- Hadassah tries to cheer up the gals by showing them all the cool silks in this nearby chest that's just there, already open. Cuz, you know, she's brave. One girl is like "Am i ever gonna see my parents again?!" and Hadassah is like "No, Im sure we'll be home in no time!" but then this other girl, who is much prettier than Tiffany Dupont is like "OH SO YOU THINK WE'RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH?" it's tough being the main character.

- ENTER HEGAI, THE COOL EUNUCH.

- That night Hadassah has a flashback to the night the scary riders in black with their swastika braclets killed her parents.

- Hadassah wakes up in the morning and Hegai the cool Eunuch finds her spinning around in the garden because she's such a free spirit. Hegai the cool Eunuch is like wtf is wrong with you?

- War council shit. they're telling King Luke Goss the budget for the big war. and he's like "You know we could spend that on infrastructure." Denethor is like, nah let's do war things instead because the greeks are all democracy. gag. King Luke Goss's right hand man points out that war costs a bunch, and it's prbably a good idea not to spend so much when you're not militarily gifted.

- Hegai the Cool Eunuch gives the gals a pep talk. "Okay, so you've been kidnapped and held here to be married off to a king who dismissed his last wife for disobedience. This sucks. But, not as much as having your balls cut off. You're in a much better situation, and you get to to keep the jewelry even if you get sent home. He also mentions being blinded in this scene, in relation to his own capture and castration, and I just want to say I think it's cool that they included Tommy Lister's blind eye as part of his character here.

- Cue spa montage.

- Haman puts the works in motion for his big play against the jews, and starts putting it out that the Jews are super into Greek democracy and thus pose a threat.

- Lunchtime for the candidates. Hadassah gets out of eating her ham by throwing it to the monkeys.

- Hadassah complains that the Queen training consists mostly of beauty treatments and not on things like finances and literature other queen shit. Hegai the cool Eunuch is impressed that she can read.

- Hadassah comes back to her room that night to find that Hegai has stocked it with scrolls. Cut to her reading the Epic of Gilgamesh to the gals. Hegai the cool Eunuch listens in, and is moved, lamenting that he can't read it in its original Akkadian, like Hadassah can, and says that reading is one of the few pleasures left to him. This is actually quite an affecting scene.

- Hegai the cool Eunuch lets the gals into the treasury to pick out their jewelry for their interviews. The gals go hog-wild, cuz they get to keep it. Hadassah hangs back and asks Hegai's opinion on what would most suit the king's tastes. Because maybe she is smart? Since King Luke Goss is a man of simple tastes under it all, Hegai gives her a simple necklace. And surprise! it's hadassah's VerySpecialNecklace that got snatched when she was taken!

- Because Hadassah can read and she and Hegai the cool Eunuch are pals, Hegai has her come read the chronicles to the king.

- I see they saved the blue and white linen hangings for King Luke Goss's bedroom. Okay.

- King Luke Goss is making some sculptures because he's arty that way. Hadassah comes in, sits on the bench and starts reading the chronicles (King Luke Goss is obscured by a gossamer curtain)

- "Admiral Xtes was honored for serving twenty years in the Royal Fleet. After a lengthy speech, he promptly keeled over and died. *Giggle*" Even though, reading the chronicles and giggling cutely at them would have been a fine way to endear herself to the king all on its own, she decides to deviate by reciting the story of Jacob and Rachel from memory.

(No Shit, though, Luke Goss's line delivery here sends me.)

- King Luke Goss is all "Pretty sure that's not in the chronicle. But you've got me interested tell me the ending." So then after he asks her name he's like

- And again, bitch is living my best life.

- My kingdom for some chemistry here, because Luke Goss is putting out and I'm just getting nothing from her.

- oh also, he explains the sculpture he's currently working on is gonna be Eros when it's finished. He never actually says Eros because that would be too bow-chika-wow for this ChristianMovie but we know who he means. And I'm here for it.

- Then Hegai comes and collects her and is like "OKay, i pulled some strings for you, this was not your formal interview, you get another one, and you CANNOT tell anyone else that you got an early sitting with him because it's not strictly fair.

- So she goes back to her room and has this fantasy of King Luke Goss coming into her room, and I mean which of us wouldn't?

- Cut to a dusty military camp. King Luke Goss is sparring. The choreography is Season 5 of GoT Levels of bad

Because King Luke Goss is shirtless! As he is for at least a third of this movie. Because they KNEW their target audience.

- Hegai the Cool Eunuch shows up and tells King Luke Goss that the advisors have ordered candidates to be brought for their interviews at the camp, and king luke goss is like "You have got to be kidding me." Hegai is not kidding him.

- Jesse, it is now revealed, has become Hatach (Who we shall call "the Sad Eunuch"). Hatach is an actual figure from the Bible, who became Esther's personal chamberlain. He finds a moment alone with Hadassah, commenting on her change of name. This is the first time she's seen him since he didn't show to run away with her. She comforts him about their having to use Babylonian names by reminding him that Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were pagan names too. Jesse, because he's a know-it-all, rattles off their Jewish Names (Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, for those of you who didn't ace your Bible trivia in Sunday school, like i did).

- Jesse/Hatach the Sad Eunuch tells Hadassah that he's found a way for them to escape. Unfortunately for him, Hadassah's pretty stoked on captivity since she's all goo-goo eyes for King Luke Goss now. Jesse the Sad Eunuch feels betrayed, of course, and wonders to her what good could come from their situation. (BECAUSE OLD TESTAMENT PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW STUFF).

- Hadassah says that rather than lamenting their situations, they should make the best of them. Which is easy for her to say, because her situation means that she might get to marry King Luke Goss, while Jesse's situation just means that he no longer has his family jewels. He's resigned to never being able to be involved with Hadassah, but still wants her to run away with him. This poor fuckin' guy.

- It's time for the individual interviews to begin! First up is Misgath of Persepolis, a daughter of a rug merchant, and dumb bimbo. For her interview, she's supposed to go riding with the king. Which does not work out for her because she cant ride a horse, and also put on ten pounds with all the gold jewelry she snagged from the treasury. Hijinks ensue.

- Hadassah is bummed because King Luke Goss hasn't asked her back to read for him again, which he suggested he would. Hegai is like "damn girl it's only been like four days" but because Hadassah is a teenager "a few days is a thousand years". Hegai sympathizes with her and tells her about the girl he intended to marry before he was captured and cut.

- Back with King Luke Goss, he's waiting in his tent for the next candidate, who, he's informed, is having some stage fright. She winds up throwing up. King Luke Goss is done with this shit.

- MONKEYS!

- And now it's time for Esther's official interview (I'll be calling her Esther from here on out). Fortunately for her, her interview is taking place on familiar territory, the king's bedroom.

- Esther is super nervous, even though she has a significant head-start over all the other candidates.

- He has her read to him again, same pattern as before, except this time he seems really impatient. He complains about the endless procession of women he's being subjected to. But then he notices that it's her, and not the other dumb bimbos he's come to expect. She's SUPER nervous now.

- He questions the fact that she's only wearing the one piece of jewelry (her VerySpecialNecklace). She stands by it. He asks if she's simply adorned because she has a low estimation of her self-worth. She responds that the necklace is her only valued possession and she brings it as a gift for him, not as a trinket she expects to keep for herself. Good move. Wonder if Hegai the cool Eunuch taught her that line.

- I just noticed that you can hear the fans that are producing the wind to make the curtains flutter in the background of this scene. Good lort.

- Tiffany Dupont's makeup in this scene is almost as tragic as the script.

~~posting here because I've reached the image limit, so i'll reblog with the next part~~