#proactive estimating

[asestimationsconsultants]

Design Delays, Real Costs | How AS Estimation & Consultants Uses a Cost Estimating Service to Safeguard Project Viability

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[reasonsforhope]

"With a swath of U.S. cities adopting policies that would outlaw homeless encampments, advocates for unhoused people are working to fight stigmas against “tent cities.”

A new study out of the University of Colorado shows that involuntary sweeps of these camps do not improve public safety, for instance. And in San Diego, initiatives like safe sleeping camps work to provide transitional support to people with nowhere else to go.

Now, the city of Saginaw, Michigan, is taking a similar approach to address homelessness. 

The City Council has announced a community partnership to establish temporary legal encampments for homeless residents displaced from a site under an interstate overpass.

“We decided to be proactive and try to establish a place where we can provide some very basic amenities that drastically improve the health, safety, and dignity of the folks in that area,” City Councilwoman Carly Rose Hammond told Mid-Michigan Now. 

She added that the initiative aims to “have a positive impact on all the neighborhoods and businesses surrounding it.”

Hammond acknowledged that the plan is not designed to be a permanent solution, but it does allow those experiencing homelessness at least a little more dignity and support.

“What a legal encampment allows us to do is say, ‘Hey, we already know that these people are here. Even if we come out and destroy people’s stuff, they’re going to come back,” she told WNEM 5. 

“So, what can we do to provide some basic amenities and some necessities to help so that the environment is relatively clean and relatively safe?’”

Saginaw is not a major city, but it is part of the Greater Tri-Cities Region of Central Michigan, which has an estimated population of about 378,000 people. 

According to Saginaw’s 2024 Point in Time Count, there are approximately 325 individuals experiencing homelessness at any given time. And with the housing crisis on the rise, officials are hoping this move will provide more relief.

“We’ve seen the housing crisis climb and climb and climb, we’ve had more and more fallout from those social issues,” Hammond added to Mid-Michigan Now. “So [we’re] addressing this problem head-on, providing a temporary solution, and a pathway forward.”

Organizations like La Misión are part of the city’s plan to include nonprofits, businesses, community advocates, and neighbors in ensuring the success of the initiative. 

Veronica Vela, who leads La Misión, said legal and accessible encampments are vital to connecting with people who need urgent resources.

“We’re out here. We actually know names there. They know us,” Vela told Mid-Michigan Now. “So when they see my truck, they’re gonna come up to my truck. So it’s more of a relationship that we have with them.”

By allowing people the space to build community in a designated and safe location, caseworkers and on-the-ground advocates can get people the help they need with more speed and consistency.

The city also plans to form a permanent subcommittee to address homelessness — ideally before it begins.

While the timeline of this new initiative — as well as the specific services it will provide — remain unclear at this time, Hammond promises a step in the right direction.

“What’s going to come out of this is a healthier, safer environment for everyone,” she told Mid-Michigan now. “We can work on long-term solutions, rather than just kicking the problem around and kicking it down the road.”"

-via March 14, 2025

[typhlonectes]

Spotted lanternflies could cost NYS grape industry millions

Researchers estimate that, if left unchecked, the spotted lanternfly – which decimated vineyards in Pennsylvania when it arrived in 2014 – could cause significant economic losses to the New York state grape industry. Using data from two key regions – the Lake Erie region, the largest Concord grape producer in the world, and the Finger Lakes region, the largest wine producer in the state – researchers found that losses could reach $1.5 million, $4 million and $8.8 million in the first, second and third years of infestation, respectively. The study, published Jan. 20 in the Journal of Integrated Pest Management, underscores the importance of proactive management and preparedness, as well as continued research on best practices for controlling the pest. “It might seem like spotted lanternfly is not as big a problem as it seemed a few years ago,” said first author Allan Pinto, an agricultural economist for New York State Integrated Pest Management (NYSIPM) in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences at Cornell University. “This reminds people: It might not be bad if you do something, but if you don’t, it could be really bad.”

Read more: Spotted lanternflies could cost NYS grape industry millions | Cornell Chronicle

[tallerthantale]

Neil and Amanda's Fake Therapist

I originally gathered information relating to Neil's fake therapist in a bit of a messy hyperfocus flurry that included some initial errors, followed by various erratic updates, so I wanted to put the main points together into one coherent place. Some of what I'm putting together here was found by others on the subreddit post.

I once again find myself skirting the edges of my typical rules for myself about analyzing public figures, so disclaimer: this is personal opinion, I'm not scientifically or clinically evaluating anyone based off public appearances / statements, I am commenting on what personal impression I am getting off things, and leaving most speculation about internal states out.

Man does this guy make it hard to stick to that though.

The person I'm talking about here is the supposed 'therapist' that Scarlett interacted with while Neil was (allegedly) pressuring her to say the allegations weren't true. His behavior there (with a paper trail according to Tortoise), and what I was able to gather from Amanda Palmer's podcast made it clear to me that he was not operating within the acceptable behaviour of a therapist, so I decided to see if I could prompt a review of his license. All indications at this time are that he does not have one. But it gets worse.

He claims to be a minister, but like the therapist claim cites no qualifications or organizations in his website's bio. This combination of therapist who isn't a therapist and minister who isn't a minister potentially creates a legal nightmare scenario. I am not a lawyer, this is not legal advice, but I'm going to give you my best estimate of the situation, which has involved looking up the law and reading some cases.

As long as he isn't claiming to be a mental health professional, he may be protected in calling himself a nonspecific 'therapist.' He can probably argue it as some kind of spiritual therapy. But because he isn't actually a mental health care provider, he is not subject to mandatory reporting. Generally therapists have a legal obligation to proactively report when someone is a danger to themselves or others. He does not have that requirement. He isn't bound by professional ethics, since he is not a member of any organizations and has no licenses. Moreover, it seems to be the case in New Mexico that if a person reasonably believes you to be a minister, that kicks in clergy-penitent privilege whether or not you actually are a minister.

The origin concept of clergy-penitent privilege is that the law cannot force a priest to reveal what was said to them in confession. The First Amendment means all religions get it equally and it doesn't have to be part of a specific Catholic ritual. In New Mexico, it covers anything that was not said publicly or intended to be passed on regardless of the surrounding context. That means anything said to or by this guy that is not said in public or explicitly intended to be forwarded cannot be used by the legal system for any purpose, no matter how documented or incriminating it is to the client or to him personally. There is no mechanism to remove that privilege form him for being misused because it is derived from his representation of himself as a minister, not his actual status.

According to his linkdin he received a Bachelors degree in creative writing from the University of Rochester, in New York. He then got a Masters degree in Divinity in Organizations from Harvard Divinity School, 1982-1985. These are the only points of education claimed anywhere we have seen. He lists no psychology or mental health qualification anywhere, and is most known as an author. His bookselling success might be due to a claimed promotional appearance on Oprah.

His personal webpage has a long 'client list' or list of 'collaborators' who have hosted speaking engagements. This list was last updated in 2012. The events on his calendar page have no year. I think I recall seeing a section of his website that was only accessible to those who were 'fully committed,' or something like that, but it doesn't seem to be there now. It's possible I'm misremembering, it's possible it got taken down when the reddit thread got popular, I don't have the right skillset to check. He won an award from the Institute of Noetic Sciences, which looks to be engaging in pseudo scientific spirituality in a manner similar to Scientology.

From what I can gather from the video's I've watched, the advice he 'preaches' is a mish mash of bits and pieces of metaphors and perspectives from a variety of religions and philosophies that he probably didn't fully understand. (My speculation.) There are pieces of genuine insight that are lifted from others and that can give the impression he knows what he is talking about to vulnerable people even if he doesn't really understand them himself. He doesn't seem to have any genuine religious beliefs or connections to any religious congregation or organizations. It is unclear if he is or is not technically ordained, but that is something anyone can just do online, and he doesn't even claim it.

Particularly noticeable in his talks are traces of Jungian psychoanalysis (which is the nonsense Jordan Peterson seems to have got caught up in, and it has antisemitic and fascist origins) some Buddhist resilience concepts that have been misused by westerners a lot, and Christian (I think) concepts about universal love and togetherness. They end up mashed together into a message that I believe will influence most victims who hear it to blame themselves and remain in toxic situations, while making perpetrators feel better about continuing to perpetrate. Not saying that was the goal, but if a person had that goal, this patchwork philosophy is what you would put together to achieve it. I'm not going to be specific because I don't want to be like, putting out a guide for people on how to do this.

Amanda says she met the guy before she had a child, but after she was married. That is somewhere between 2011 and 2015. Amanda says she met him at something resembling a TED conference, where all sorts of people got together to do various (rich people nonsense.) She had a mental breakdown in a horse paddock, and the fake therapist was the guy with the horse, teaching about horse whispering.

"And since then, he’s been my therapist, and he’s also become a true friend, to me, and to my family, and to many other people in my life that he’s taken on, and helped out, in some of their darkest hours of need, and he is my emergency phone call. And in a way, he sort of picked up where Anthony, my old mentor, left off, and I don’t find it a coincidence that Wayne walked into my life right around the time Anthony walked out. "

This is not what a therapist does, this is cult leader behaviour. This is pure speculation on my part, but I wonder if Neil might have known him first and orchestrated their meeting. He is an author with connections to an organization similar to Scientology. It might actually not be a coincidence. Again, pure speculation.

Amanda describes seeking advice from him whenever she was having trouble with Neil, and that talking to him would make her feel like everything was fine again. "Even just to have someone to talk to, to remind me what I’m struggling with, what’s going on, what is home, why does this feel so disorienting, what am I doing? And I can say right now, when I shifted my internal feeling within myself, within my relationship with Neil, around where I was, my feeling in my own house transformed. Because I went, oh, right, none of this fucking matters."

In June 2019 Amanda Palmer has the Portland, OR incident where she tells her fans they need to forgive their r@#ists.

In 2019 the fake therapist did a series of webcasts with The Santa Fe Center for Spiritual Healing over a few months. At times he is titled "Rvrd", and at times he is titled "Dr." there is no reason to believe he is either. In the first one, the host reads a bio she found online, that she says he asked her not to read (she appears to think he was being humble.) This version of the bio claims that he was a Senior Scholar at the Fetzer Institute. When he comes on after she read it, he makes odd comments about whoever might be watching the video online and appears very shaken. The Fetzer Institute has no mention of him on their website. That connection is not listed in his current bio.

In his last video for the Santa Fe Center he claims to be working on an upcoming project in D.C. with a co-facilitator who was famous for brokering a truce between the crips and bloods. He also comes across like he has been asked to stop working with the center and is being super passive aggressive about it. (My speculation.)

His appearance on Amanda Palmer's podcast is recorded in July 2019, about a month after the last Santa Fe Center webcast, in upstate New York. In the descriptor she says it was recorded after a week long retreat with him she set up for 60 of her Patrion supporters. There is a nearly two year gap between the recording and posting, which is not explained. She describes him as a minister, therapist, leadership mentor, and her personal therapist. In the episode itself, she also describes him as her and Neil's relationship therapist. In the description she promotes his books and his website, and says he is still readily contactable there, but to be patient right now because he is mid move. (The description was posted when the podcast was posted, in 2021. As mentioned earlier, there are features of his website that have not been updated since 2012.)

The fake therapist tweeted about Neil being a 'dear friend' in late 2020. He has under 100 followers, not really what you would expect for a best selling author / therapist / minister / community leader / mentor / horse whisper. While I make references to cult leader behaviour, a genuine cult leader would probably have a larger following. But somehow I don't think he lacks for money. I expect there is a market for pseudo-therapists you can freely talk to about the crimes you are actively committing. You can even involve him in the crime, and it still privileged.

The events of Scarlett's allegations date to 2022, about a year after Amanda posted the podcast episode. Sometime in March is when Neil manipulates Scarlett into saying the allegations are false with what is essentially a su!c!de threat, then asks her to repeat her assurances that it was consensual to the fake therapist. Amanda had recently received a scorching message from one of Scarlett's friends about what was done to her. It seems like Neil is doing this to win a fight with Amanda in their "relationship therapy." Scarlett gets a message from the fake therapist.

Tortoise describes it as him "saying he'd be happy to speak to her in complete confidence because he had heard that she found herself in his words 'in the midst of relationships, stories and narratives, not alas necessarily of your own making. Sadly, this is not a surprise. Two creative dynamic people can easily draw others into their orbit unaware of how powerfully the magnetic pull of their influences can have on others.'"

My perception of this message is that it plants the suggestion to Scarlett that her friends are brainwashing her to think she was r@ped by pulling her into 'narratives not of her own making.' I could see how people might interpret the later lines regarding magnetic pull as being about accidental power dynamics abuse, but I read it more as him saying Scarlett's friends are opportunistic manipulators looking to make a name for themselves by taking down a famous person.

Either way, there are a considerable number of things happening there that an actual therapist would not ever do, for a variety of very good reasons. Tortoise's attempt to call him to ask for comment was thwarted by the fact that his phone has been specifically programed not to accept voicemails. Not like, the voicemail box was full or something, he went out of his way to do that. Which means Tortoise can't quite claim that he didn't respond to requests to comment, because they couldn't leave a message. Other organizations probably run into similar difficulties establishing evidence that they have contacted him. It's not a smoking gun, but I don't like it.

A year later Amanda Palmer makes her post on the Russel Brand allegations, where she argues the solution to serial predatory behaviour is to try to get them to stop doing "stupid shit" by trying to heal their lacking and fear with love and compassion and forgiveness, because that the ONLY cause / motivation for abusive behavior. And some unarticulated hope for non-specific accountability vibes.

This post looks to me like the perspective of a person who has been continuously exploited, and manipulated into thinking it is their personal responsibility to heal people who have no interest in being healed. It reads to me like a person who has been justifying staying in a toxic situation to themself so long it has warped their entire worldview. It reads to me like the inevitable end result of this fake therapists preaching.

I don't think that absolves her of what ever her role has been in facilitating access to victims, or actively promoting these views to her audience, but it is something to keep in mind.

There is a broad rage of possibilities for what is going on with this guy. The spectrum runs from deeply misguided fool to deliberately exploitative criminal. Either way it looks like he is charging people money for the service of turning them into the "this is fine" dog. This is not fine. This is not ok. Unfortunately it probably is legal.

[bijoumikhawal]

something I've noticed in the episodes I've rewatched is that things involving Garak bite Sisko in the ass way more than Julian. And I don't think it's because Garak does it on purpose- I think it's because Sisko under estimates the chaos Garak brings into any situation?

For example, in OMB Garak tries to go against Julian and save their lives at the cost of the rest of the senior staff. Julian doesn't anticipate this, but he's also not surprised. He keeps a handle on Garak and successfully intervenes and re-establishes the parameters and control of the situation. He knows Garak is a bit of a wild card and thankfully, has a built in excuse to keep him on a short leash.

In Broken Link, Sisko implicitly trusts that Garak will 1) be a good little jester for Odo 2) ask about Cardassia 3) not jeopardize either of these. Garak is left alone to confront the Voice of the Link to accomplish point 2, and when Odo goes down planetside they end up removing all three people who have sway over Garak from the Defiant (Sisko, Julian, Odo). Luckily, Garak is caught, but it could have gone very badly. This also foreshadows IPTM a bit- where instead of Garak acting on his own, he's acting for Sisko, and it bites him in the ass a bit harder when he can't fully anticipate Garak’s behavior (also thinking about @oddeyelesbian's post comparing these two episodes as well and the contrast in Garak's efficacy when acting alone and panicked VS with a strong commanding presence and plan).

And like. What an ODD blindspot to have. Especially because the problem is a character similarity! Both Sisko and Garak are changeable, somewhat unpredictable people. I wonder if it's because Sisko primarily credits Garak’s unknowability to his secrecy and not his ability to change to a situation- in essence he doesn't know Garak as intimately as Julian. There is certainly a touch of over confidence involved (and in the case of ITPM, some subconscious desire for Garak to do exactly that kind of dirty work). When Sisko is right, Garak performs wonderfully for him, but when he's wrong... well, Garak still performs wonderfully... but he also starts improvising (performance varies). Which is also interesting to think about when it comes to proactive vs passive submission- Garak is naturally very proactive, and that tendency doesn't even necessarily get bad results. However, this simultaneously this is an oversight issue (cough he needs to be trained better cough)

(Another angle is also that Garak and Julian directly work together more often than Sisko and Garak, so the proportions are just skewed really badly in general)

[rei-ismyname]

Emma and Cyclops try to break up

*Record scratch* Lovely to see these crazy kids kissing passionately (though I wish Scott was the one dipping) but how did they get here? No more secrets.

The Dark Reign of Norman Osborn has ended and Utopia is saved! It took a lot out of everyone to get that W, and Emma and Scott are feeling it. In part due to playing the role of villain and double agent, she leaves a breakup note on their bedside table and packs her bags. Scott reads enough to realise she's leaving out of shame and runs to find her. She couldn't do it. He's pretty fucked up too, carrying a lot of guilt. They both have a lot to confess. Seeecrets.

I think Scott has an idea of what she's going to say. My read is that he wants to lay his sins bare first in an act of total honesty and to establish the challenging situation they're in - together. Fixing up the power imbalance like a see-saw so they're having the conversation as equals. They enter a psychic space inside Scott's head, and there's always been one locked off section nobody else can enter. The man has seriously strong psychic defences, helped by both Jean and Emma. It does reflexively annoy me that he talks over her and makes it about him (Logan Behavior) but you can be the judge of whether he's justified.

Emma shares what the last few months have been like for her - a supervillain convention with some of the worst people around plus Namor and Loki. I think she's being a little hard on herself, but honestly, Scott doesn't care.

She's ashamed and sorry but Scott skips forgiveness and goes straight to 'I love you.' He doesn't even care that she banged Tony Stark and Namor. Emma thinks she's ruined everything and Scott disagrees. Not sure how much of a factor his own guilt plays, but he stuck by Jean when she did a casual genocide. When Scott loves, he loves hard.

Emma thinks that he keeps Jean feelings in the black box, but it's not that. It's his deepest secrets and shames, partitioned away so he can function. Needing to tell someone and wanting to be transparent with Emma, he opens it up. Seeecrets.

X-Force is in there - the permanent solution to threats against mutant safety. It's an idea that goes against everything Xavier ever dreamed, but this isn't a time for dreamers. Worse, by his estimation, he didn't do any of it himself. He kept his hands clean by delegating to the killers.

Scott still values the dream, interestingly, but not as a way to live. It's a symbol and the hope that things can be better, it binds mutants together. Others value it uncritically, and Scott thinks that's a good thing. Let them dream while he shreds his morals to keep them safe. He's ashamed but he isn't sorry. Emma is right that he is responsible for the lives of everyone on the island, who would have died several times over without him.

Personally, I think the X-Men genre conventions justify proactivity. Otherwise they're just sitting around waiting to be attacked by the same bad faith actors each time. How many buses do they have to blow up before you go after them? Especially when the state considers you second class citizens and won't protect you, if they're not the ones doing the killing themselves. Hell yeah there's going to be guilt and shame running a secret kill squad, but when so many entities are constantly trying to kill you what can you do?

Emma's turn, and she's going deep. Dredging up all her sins and failures. She's ashamed of how she treated Laura, and it wasn't nice at all. I give her some leeway for it being a fraught situation with duty of care, but even then there were better ways to handle it. It was a very human response, but it was a mistake.

I can see why Emma would feel guilty about Wither, but I don't think she fucked up there. She got him psychiatric help and worked hard to support him. If anything, she respected his autonomy. It was impossible to know his therapist was a r*pist supervillain with a kid at the school. I guess that's the point - Emma is in a shame spiral taking on every bit of blame she can think of. Her sister certainly didn't give her a choice, not a real one anyway. She's taking herself at her worst and ignoring all the hard work she's done.

Okay here's some shit she should actually feel bad about - her supervillain phase. Capturing and torturing the X-Men, traumatizing Jean into Dark Phoenix, stealing Ororo's body (totally rape) and funding Sentinels. She certainly suffered for these choices and I don't know how the other X-Men feel about it, but Scott at least forgives her and loves her.

IDK how true it is that everyone thinks Emma is manipulating Scott. Sure, raving misogynist Tony Stark does - and doesn't respect Scott because of it - but fuck him. I think it says more about Tony than anyone else. Again, she comes clean about having sex with Tony and Namor, but Scott DGAF. Not a big deal, they're losers. Well, Tony is. Namor has his moments and ends up a close ally despite all this. I feel like there's major internalised misogyny here, which Emma has an interesting relationship with. It's unusual for men in fiction to be untroubled by these kinds of revelations, but Scott is not an especially jealous person. The gender roles are all over the place even in public. I love me some genderfuckery and these two do it well.

With all their secrets laid bare, they decide to not break up, actually. They're ride or die for many years and both grew a lot in this power couple. Secrets would come back to haunt them both, but at least they can confide and trust in each other. Not only is their partnership solidified but it's a fascinating look into both their psyches (and a gross one into Stark's.)

[gm--requests]

POSSIBLE WIP! CEO!Hyuka

warnings - Dom! HueningKai, Fat!y/n <3, implied power dynamics

words - 871

request - closed                     inbox thirsts: open 

plus size reader :) 

an: this is just a wip, i wanted to know if anyone would be interested? i'm living and breathing hyuka these days (especially w this comeback), so please lmk it is of interest.

——————————————————————————

Ceo Hyuka! Who gets a new secretary and is genuinely upset about it at first, and because of his scary exterior and cold gazes, she just does as she is told to do.

Really, she is extremely helpful and proactive and as time goes on and they begin spending late nights in the office together he begins to realize that he is developing some kind of feelings towards her. 

Each day that passes by he becomes more fascinated with her, more enamored… he eventually becomes fixated on her soft and round body. He begins finding reasons and ways to press up against her, feeling her soft body only making him more crazed

Every day you wore business-appropriate attire, but it was the way the pencil skirts hugged against your tummy, the outline visible, and the way you tucked your shirts at the waist so it was harder to see the tiny muffin top you were creating with the tight skirt. Not to mention the way your tiddies were sitting in your slightly unbuttoned blouse. 

One night, after almost a month of late-night shifts, you began bringing and wearing more comfortable attire. This of course was only because your boss encouraged it. He promised to do it as well, but kept “coincidentally” forgetting his change of clothes each day. Claiming that it had just slipped his mind since it was a new and random addition to his morning routine, and after a while, you just gave up, but you didn’t stop doing it yourself. It was nice to feel comfortable while working hard to reorganize 100s of files that we are actively being added to. It was an estimated workload of 4 months, you were both hoping to bring it down to 3, if not less. Comfy clothes were a must. 

This is when hyuka! Began to crumble. Your cute, fat body in pajama pants that hugged your waist and stomach, almost accentuating the roundness. His hands ached with the need to grab at it, sink his fingers into the flesh. The strappy tank top you had paired with it wasn’t helping. So immersed in work that you couldn’t be bothered to care about or think of hiding your tummy in any way. Your tiny muffin top is proudly on display. And on top of that, no bra. If he wasn’t so painfully aware of the hellish work laid before him, he would have thought that he was in heaven. 

He watches this go on for 3 agonizing weeks before he finally loses his cool. 

“y/n,” he says from his desk seat, his eyes meeting yours easily over the tall computer monitors. 

“Yes sir?” you turn towards him curiously. 

“Your clothes.” 

He says it as if you should already know what he means. You don’t. 

“Hmm?”

His expression shifts to subtle annoyance as he repeats himself, “Your clothes.” 

This time you just stare at him, allowing the confusion to rest on your features. He huffed and rolled his eyes, a small blush on his face. 

“They’re distracting me. I know I said that you could wear them, but I think I may have to retract my statement. I apologize.” 

“I- I don’t understand sir,” you begin, “I’ve been wearing things like this since the very first time I agreed to wear comfortable clothes.” Normally you would never get even remotely upset about something like that, but after the long hours… and with your more relaxing attire having been your comfort as you were drowning in the files; his change in leniency felt almost offensive. 

His blush deepens and his eyebrows furrow as he starts to seem a bit angry, “I understand that. And in full transparency, it was just as distracting then, but I respected the fact that I should just be a man and allow you this one luxury while you work overtime out of the kindness of your heart and not because you have to…but God, I can’t take it anymore!” 

Hyuka! Stands up from his desk, slamming his hands down in frustration. His outburst scares you a bit, but not enough to keep you from standing your ground. 

“How is a tank top and a pair of pajama pants so distracting all of the sudden?” 

In an instant, he decided that he would just show you all of the thoughts that were plaguing his mind. So, he walked around his desk in long strides. Before you could back up, he was standing in front of you. His big body is drowning your small round one. Hyuka’s! Large hands come to your shoulders as he quickly spins you around. When your back is facing his front, he brings his big hands to your stomach and grabs it roughly, pulling you to him. 

Hyuka! Hunches over you, squeezing your fat while pressing you against him. You work hard to distract yourself from the feeling of his hardened length pressing into the top of your ass. His breath comes out labored, but all he’s done is grab at you. 

“This.” He says matter of factly, “This is what is so distracting. I can see your soft fucking body and all I want to do is eat you up like a lil dumpling.”

[girlactionfigure]

The Settler Violence You Don’t Hear About

We all know about the Turkish occupation of Cyprus and the hundreds of thousands of Turkish settlers living there since the Turkish invasion and occupation of part of the island in 1974. Actually no, most people have never heard about the illegal Turkish settlement of Cyprus, but that’s a subject for a different story. I want to talk about a more recent Turkish illegal settlement, one that is both ongoing and far more severe.

In June 2024, while Turkey was frothing at the mouth about the treatment of Arabs in "Occupied Palestine" – that is, Israel – Syrian refugees, also Arabs, were being lynched in Turkey for allegedly harassing a Turkish child. This was nothing new. According to EuroMed Rights, this was "yet another example in a series of anti-refugee discontent and violence. Turkey has previously experienced waves of lynching and attacks against refugees in 2014, 2017, and 2019, alongside individual offences that often go unpunished due to a pervasive culture of impunity."

However, this time the Arabs didn’t take this lying down.

Syrian militias allied with Turkey launched several attacks against Turks in Turkish-occupied northern Syria, resulting in Turkish fatalities. This is where it gets interesting, so let’s talk about this occupation for a little bit.

The Turkish-occupied region of Syria is around one-third larger than the West Bank and is rife with human rights abuses that are simply ignored by the Western media. In fact, in 2021 the NYT was accused by Kurdish and international activists of whitewashing Turkey’s occupation…which I bet you didn’t hear about either.

In 2018, Turkey invaded the majority-Kurdish Afrin District of northwest Syria ostensibly to prevent Kurdish attacks against Turkey in what was ironically called “Operation Olive Branch.” To quote Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, "What can that terror army target but Turkey? Our mission is to strangle it before it's even born." So, very proactive self-defense.

Kurdish refugees leaving Afrin in Northern Syria

As many as 510 civilians were killed in the operation. Other atrocities included the mutilation of a female corpse by Turkey's Syrian National Army proxies, indiscriminate bombardment of civilians by Turkish forces, and shooting of refugees fleeing into Turkey.

However, the worst was yet to come. After Turkish-led forces had captured the Afrin District in 2018, they engaged in a wide resettlement program that included moving Arab settlers from southern Syria into homes that belonged to the displaced Kurdish and Yazidi locals. The previous owners were then prevented from returning to Afrin to reclaim their stolen homes. This wasn’t a chaotic process but a conscious ethnic replacement by the Turkish government and its SNA proxies.

Al Amal 2, one of the Arab settlements build in Afrin.

Paragraph 47 of the report of the Independent International Commission of Inquiry on the Syrian Arab Republic submitted to the UN Human Rights Council noted that "multiple accounts indicate that the property of Kurdish owners was looted and appropriated by Syrian National Army members in a coordinated manner. For example, in September 2019, civilians in the Shaykh al-Hadid subdistrict (of the Afrin region) described how members of Division 14, Brigade 142 (the Suleiman Shah Brigade) of the Syrian National Army had gone from door to door instructing Kurdish families with fewer than three members to vacate their houses to accommodate individuals arriving from outside of Afrin." It was also reported by Al-Monitor and Arab News that Yazidi and Kurdish women and girls have been kidnapped by the SNA for ransom, rape, or forced marriage. It stands to reason this was also done to “encourage” Kurds to leave the region.

Following the Turkish invasion, as many as 200,000 indigenous Kurds and Yazidis fled from the Afrin District while an estimated 458,000 settlers moved into their homes. According to a GenocideWatch article from 2020, the size of the indigenous population of Kurds in the Afrin region dropped from 97 percent before the occupation to 34.8 percent.

This is an ongoing process. According to a report by the Hawar News Agency from 2024, “Within the aim of separating Afrin from Syria and annexing it, the Turkish occupation continues to commit crimes, intimidate the people, and trade in their property by Turkey's settlers and mercenaries. Local sources said that a settler from the southern Aleppo countryside sold a house belonging to the citizen Issam Hussein, a resident of the village of Andariyah, in the city of Janders to another settler for $1,500.”

But wait, this gets even crazier!

Many of these settlers are Palestinians.

That’s right. Even as you read these lines, illegal Palestinian settlers are moving from the West Bank into stolen Kurdish homes in an occupied region, displacing and replacing the indigenous population… and they’re proud of it!

According to a 2022 article from the Afrin Post, “the first part of a residential community constructed in Jindires district was opened, with direct funding from the residents of Al-Zaeem village in the occupied city of Jerusalem. The project plan consists of 75 housing units, each of which consists of 4 houses, to accommodate about 220 families. Today, 32 housing units (about 128 families) have been settled in, while work is underway and preparations are being completed to start the second part of the project.”

"Funded by Al Zaim donations, in Quds Town.”

According to exiled Kurdish politician Abdulrahman Apo, all the villages of Afrin have been “turned into settlements. In addition to Syrian Arabs, 10,000 Palestinians are stationed in Afrin.”

A spokesman for one of the Palestinian settlements said, "Today, we arrived from Palestine to the airport, and from there to northern Syria, to deliver the housing units… [We] know the meaning of occupation, displacement, asylum and home displacement."

He sure does! He’s actively engaged in it! He’s doing exactly what the Palestinians falsely accuse Israel of doing, only on steroids.

In just a few years, more than 100 settlements have been built by Turkey and funded by Gulf countries and Palestinian associations in areas under Turkey’s control. In fact, one of the settlements is even called “Palestine Ajnadine.”

What can I say? The man is a master of irony, almost as much as the genius who called the whole thing "Operation Olive Branch."

Western liberals make so much noise about Israel, they silence the screams and pleas of tens of millions of victims of severe and ongoing human right abuses all over the planet. This obsessive tunnel vision creates the ultimate smokescreen for a plethora of atrocities that dwarf anything Israel may be involved in. Be honest, I’m sure you’ve never heard about Palestinian settlements on Kurdish land before you read this article. Why would you? Western media never talks about it. Western intellectuals never talk about it. It seems no one cares about it except the Kurds themselves.

This obfuscation by fake moral outrage is a big reason for Turkey’s ostensible obsession with Gaza. It’s less their concern for the Palestinians or objection to settlements, and more their desire to distract from their own ongoing crimes. I’m sure the Kurds, as well as the Greeks, Cypriots, Syrians, and other nations colonized by Turkey, would appreciate it, if Western liberals could spare some of their moral outrage for the occupation and colonization of these nations.

URI KURLIANCHIK

DEC 3

[bedbugbiting]

Just whining and word vomit

I am deeply gutted about the section 8 thing. The dates had been moved before, but that was always when it was more in the distant or semi-distant future and it was so abstract to me. I didn't care about the distance between 12 months and 14 months or even six months and eight months.

But the difference between "right now" and "maybe in a year" feels a lot like "never." It's a chasm. It's huge.

It is highly uncharacteristic for me to tell people about things I hope for, but I made an exception here. It seemed so certain. I looked at floor plans and fantasized about decorating my new place. I hate decorating, but I couldn't wait! I looked at rugs. I looked at chairs. I stood outside the various buildings I was going to look at and I visualized my life there. I walked from the buildings I liked to the grocery store, the library, to shopping centers, and to other places I would go to ensure that I could get places on foot. I even WROTE to one of the buildings to express interest because I wanted to be proactive. I reached out to charities to see if I could get moving assistance.

Several months ago, a friend of mine hosted a vision board workshop and I went. I made a whole vision board about my future apartment. I am not a "vision board" person, but I went all in. I hid the board away, but I took it out about a month ago and it felt good to think about how I could get out of here soon.

My physical and mental health has deteriorated so much as a result of living here with bad neighbors and terrible management. I'm so sad.

I know that a year will pass, but it doesn't feel like it. There isn't even an estimate available for when they will resume handing vouchers out again.

[eye-may]

Favorite Mistoffelees headcanons?

hmm lemme see. I might have one or two lmao. putting this under a cut because it's very long.

I 'hc' him primarily based on the brent interpretation, so agewise I put him somewhere in his mid-teens. he's developing his abilities and striving to prove himself, but he's not immune to "kittenish" tendencies.

also a la the brent!Mistoffelees, he has a habit of batting at his ear. I also like to think he's a bit 'twitchy' like the la mirada mistoffelees (who imo also seemed to be played pretty young, similar to the jacob brent version).

controversially, I also subscribe to the jacob brent interpretation of his heritage, namely that he's deutoronomy's biological son; although he has a affectionate bond with deut (as do a handful of cats in the junkyard of course) he's not aware that he's actually his immediate descendent, at least not during the events of the show. tugger and munkustrap are certainly deits's sons in spirit, but not by blood. (mainly I like to think that tugger and munk are 'adopted' so to speak, so as to not eliminate the potentiality of the tugger/mistoffelees pairing lmao)

continuing in that line of thought, I see munkustrap, tugger, and mistoffelees as, what I like to call, deutoronomy's "favored three." of course deut is fond of, and warm towards, all his jellicle followers---but the aforementioned trio are specially bonded to him.

speaking of special bonds, I also love the idea that mistoffelees has a connection to bustopher. I recall brent saying "mistoffelees loves bustopher because they look the same" it is BEYOND cute to me that this astronomically superpowered cat with only dubious limitations, that could probably thanos snap you out of existence, is obsessed with this pompous itinerant because they both happen to be tuxedo cats lmao. that being said (again---controversially) I do not believe they are related by blood. in fact basically I think for the most part, all the familial type of relationships among the junkyard cards are symbolic with very few exceptions ( such as munkustrap and tugger being half-brothers)

and so it follows that I also don't hc victoria and mistoffelees as siblings lmao. I think they have a very close friendly/sibling-esque bond.

he's gay

his powers correlate with the moon phases; i.e., he's the least powerful (and maybe even a bit somnolent) during the new moon phase, and the most powerful during the full moon phase.

despite being essentially a domestic shorthair (albeit with uniquely curled ears), he'll never grow past the rough size of a four or five month-old kitten. of the core jellicles, he's the smallest---even smaller than pouncival or jemima or any of the other kittens. even when a FRESH kitten comes along to the junkyard---he can expect to be outpaced by them, vertically speaking, by the time they're half a year old.

mistoffelees and munkustrap have a 'parentified elder sibling/younger sibling' relationship. if you were to pinpoint a cat that can be credited for 'raising' mistoffelees, it'd be munk. munkustrap usually isn't so singularly proactive when it comes to such matters (he usually delegates parental duties to the various elders of the tribe---it takes a village after all) but he did zero in on mistoffelees.

I have a whole story in mind behind this, but mistoffelees conjured the bandana that tugger wears around his leg.

I am a strong believer in the Overuse Of Magic Leads To Severely Incapacitating Exhaustion trope. there have been more than a handful of times that he's overdone it and subsequently conked out.

his magic is inhibited by certain conditions/circumstances. i.e., panic, freezing or overheating (but especially freezing), illness, exhaustion, disorientation, etc.

when it comes to mistoffelees's estimations in the eyes of his fellow jellicles...I am strongly against the zurich interpretation where everyone is dismissive and mean towards him! in my cats universe, everybody in the junkyard has a soft spot for mistoffelees! even the more cagey cats, like alonzo and tumblebrutus and cassandra.

when riled, mistoffelees starts sort of generating/exuding electricity, that buzzes about his person. like you'll see a few sparks pop up and vanish down the fibers of his fur and whiskers. if he's REALLY worked up, it starts to get out of control---that's rare, though. more benevolently, when he taps into the more potent annals of his powers, his fur 'sparkles.' he may even 'shed glitter.' unlike conventional corporeal glitter, however, mistoffelees's 'magic glitter' eventually dissipates lol.

he keeps his personal den/hiding spot in a remote area of the junkyard, far away from the clearing. this is because a) he enjoys solitude, b) he needs for there to be nobody around when he practices his more 'hazardous' magic, and c) he likes to dance sometimes when nobody is looking. (he also enjoys dancing when there ARE people looking, make no mistake)

here's another hot take! mistoffelees does NOT like being called 'misto,' or any comparable derivative of his name. he may or may not correct someone depending on who it is; his closest friends (i.e., munk, tugger, victoria), however, are all aware and might be quicker than him to point out his preferences if someone offends. I'm not sure if even mistoffelees has a SOLID reason for disliking diminutives, but it may have something to do with feeling infantilized by it/attributing it to kittenhood, out of which he's eager to transition. I also just think a name like 'mistoffelees' is very specifically connotated and has a poignant meaning in-universe...and it's also, phonetically speaking, just fun as fuck to say.

I go back and forth between different ideas for his origin story, but one I'm particularly fond of right now is that mistoffelees, as a young kitten, liked to sleuth around the junkyard before he was properly inducted; that is to say, he was nothing more than a flittering shadow as far as anyone was concerned. just a dark shape out of the corner of your eye---you're not even sure you really saw anything. when he zeroed in on the junkyard jellicles, he wreaked his unique brand of mischief remaining unseen. he'd do thinks like flicker the lights, move objects around, and so on and so forth. sometimes these oddities were seemingly benevolent---something about to tip over inexplicably tottering perfectly back into place. a lost item mysteriously reappearing in plain sight. it didn't take long for his antics to send the junkyard into a frenzy; the kittens, especially, were beside themselves believing that a ghost had come along to terrorize the place. everyone started referring to the mysterious, barely-seen entity as 'the shadow.' huge headache for munkustrap. the lid did eventually blow off however, when mistoffelees had to more or less 'reveal himself' to save a group of jellicles from an irate pack of pollicles with his powers. he didn't come away unscathed, however, and was brought back to the junkyard to be nursed back to health.

mistoffelees didn't use his more conspicuous powers in front of anyone when he actually joined the tribe. none of the cats put two and two together at first about all the weird shit going on being attributable to HIM. the cats that may have witnessed him use his magic against the pollicles probably gaslit themselves beyond the realm of belief. nonetheless, mistoffelees quickly became popular, despite being markedly quiet, by showing off more 'standard' illusions---things that were explicable. like sleight-of-hand card tricks and conjurations. tugger was the first one to realize that he had magical abilities (coming across him when he was off alone, blowing off some pent up magical steam), but mistoffelees swore him to secrecy, concerned at how having ACTUAL ETHEREAL MAGIC would be perceived by others.

because basically everything mistoffelees ever does with his magic is for the purpose of making others happy. that's what he lives for. even being a little rascal, getting up to mischief, baffling others and pulling pranks...it's all his good-natured way to spread mirth and levity. there just ain't a bad bone in the cat's body.

ig 20 is a good even number to stop at lmao. I could go on probably forever, but there's two handfuls for you.

[rubyuji]

Fragments (Mingyu, Seungcheol) ˙ ✩°˖🫐 ⋆｡˚

“You know since we are just a few minutes away from landing, did I ever get the chance to thank you for being a huge blessing in my life?” 𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🎐

Genre: Slight angst, fluff, romance

AU: University!au, Coming of Age!au

Pairing(s): (Short) Wonwoo x Afab!reader, Seungcheol x Afab!reader, Mingyu x Afab!reader (Reader is Jeonghan’s little sister)

Warnings: Cheol is toxic, nonchalant and doesn’t care for their relationship, a kiss scene (how shocking)

Synopsis: Growing up with someone you love isn’t easy, well at least for Seungcheol, he never expected to be a life-altering heartbreak for you either, and while he did wish for a second chance, that plan had only backfired on him when he received an invite to your engagement party with Mingyu.

Note: I’m finally done with the long awaited fic! I kept pausing and got busy in between, but overall I’d say that I’m satisfied with it. Thank you all for waiting and I hope you like it! Don’t forget to like + reblog as always to help support me and other writers, happy reading!

WC: 12k (exceeded my estimate omg)

Taglist: @nerdycheol @notevenheretbh1 (Thank you guys so much!)

Seungcheol remembered the first time he saw you. It was at his friend Jeonghan’s house, your nose crinkled adorably as you read some cheesy romance novel at sixteen on the cream sofa in the living room.

He had wanted to say something, but all he could do was smile as Jeonghan introduced him to your parents. Since then, he has been practically your family’s newest son besides Joshua, their other best friend.

When Seungcheol had received his fair share of confessions from girls all over the school in his senior year, he had always declined them politely because he was just never interested in any of them, except this time, it was different ever since the day Jeonghan had introduced you to him.

In moments wherein he would receive a confession from someone, he would see you walk by and forget the girl even existed, opting to call out your name instead and jog after you.

He would even walk you to your class or visit you in your classroom, using the ‘protective brother’s friend’ excuse, when in reality, he was only scoping out the potential guys who were interested in you in your class.

“Dude, do you like my sister? You look like a lost puppy following her around,” Jeonghan chuckles. Seungcheol raises his brow at his friend and turns to Joshua, who just shrugs as he agrees with Jeonghan.

“You hang around Y/n so much that there’s already rumors being spread of her being your crush or girlfriend,” Joshua says flatly.

“Guys, I’m just looking out for her, you know we all care about her like a little sister. Come on, I’m just a lot more proactive than Jeonghan” Seungcheol whined.

It was half true, he did want to look out for you because he cared, but also because he wanted to ward off any of the guys who were admiring you.

“You act like I leave her for dead, people probably think she’s your little sister instead of mine,” Jeonghan says, bored.

“Oh by the way, I honestly can’t believe she’s seeing this guy in the other class, his name was Jeon Wonwoo or something? He asked her out on Valentine’s Day,” Seungcheol whipped his head around and stared at Jeonghan, who was way too engrossed in his laptop even to notice the way Seungcheol’s brows furrowed.

Seungcheol felt his heart clench, no wonder you were starting to decline his invitation to walk home with him, Joshua, and your brother.

You had even started distancing yourself from them. It wasn’t that noticeable at first, but you were definitely around them less, opting to spend more time with a certain boy that he had seen with you way too often.

“So he’s buying her snacks and getting her flowers every morning? That’s crazy to me. I mean, Y/n is still so young, how are you letting this slide?” Seungcheol whined.

Looking back, he remembers you walking around hand in hand with a tall guy who had glasses on, and you were always smiling at whatever the guy said to you.

As Joshua was about to get another word out about how Seungcheol was probably going to cry about you growing up and becoming your own person with an identity, you suddenly walked into the living room and plopped onto the seat beside Jeonghan. Your brother scoffed and rolled his eyes as you accidentally knocked the laptop from his lap.

“I heard my name? Are you guys gossiping about me?” You say playfully.

Seungcheol felt his ears warm up at the sound of your voice, despite you being a mini version of Jeonghan, he still couldn’t help but fall for you as a person because of how charming you were.

“Yeah, I told them about the boy you’re seeing in the year above yours. Is he your boyfriend or is he just a crush?” Jeonghan runs a hand through your hair and you hum with a smile on your face.

“He’s my boyfriend, a super sweet guy. I never expected him to ask me out or even feel the same way, but I like him,” Seungcheol could hear the love practically dripping from your voice, and he wanted the green-eyed monster to simply swallow him whole.

“You’re so gross if he hurts you, we’ll be after his head. Please tell him as a reminder,” Jeonghan then flicks your forehead and you whine.

Seungcheol could never get tired of seeing the way you and Jeonghan interacted, the way you reacted cutely, and how your nose scrunched in the most adorable way possible.

Turns out, Jeonghan’s promise was going to come around way sooner than any of you would’ve thought.

As Seungcheol was there for your first boyfriend, he also ended up being there during your first heartbreak.

He clearly remembers the day you shuffled over to your older brother quietly and held onto his arm for support, Jeonghan opting to pull you close to his side instead. Your eyes were soaked with tears, the guys looking at you worriedly on the way home.

“We’ll head in, I gotta take care of the little one first. You guys go ahead,” Seungcheol and Joshua nodded, still worried about your current state, but decided to leave your actual older brother to it because he knew what to do.

That night, Jeonghan texted their group chat about how Wonwoo had broken up with you that day.

Some bullshit excuse like you guys weren’t meant to be, when in reality, Wonwoo had been seeing a different girl behind your back and didn’t know how to tell you that he fell out of love, something Seungcheol couldn’t fathom.

How could someone fall out of love with you? You had so much to offer and you had so much love to give.

Seungcheol cursed the kid out in his head and texted that he would deal with him, but before he could do anything stupid, Joshua had to talk him out of it.

He knew it was a bad idea to even confront Wonwoo for breaking your heart, but he couldn’t help it, not when he couldn’t stand the look of hurt that graced your pretty face, the way tears welled up in your big doe eyes.

But, Seungcheol also considered the fact that you wouldn't like it if he got into a fight either.

Your first heartbreak felt like a blur after a few years, and Seungcheol had found himself watching from the sidelines again as you grew up to be such an independent and self-assured young woman. However, he could’ve never expected to become the face of your second biggest heartbreak.

Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua were now in their third year of college, and you had just entered as a freshman.

With him and Jeonghan studying business management and Joshua taking the psychology route, you were now added to their little family as well, this time majoring in fashion design.

“Are you guys proud of me? I’m finally an adult! Can’t wait to rot away for the next three to four years while you guys only have a year left again,” You joked as you settled on the seat beside Joshua.

Jeonghan had offered you a place to live that was in the same building, and it was pretty affordable, while still being near campus. Seungcheol thanked whatever deity was up there for giving you the opportunity.

Though you guys weren’t apart for that long, albeit the guys visiting you during every break since they started living away from your hometown, it still felt like something was missing during their time in college.

You felt the same admittedly enough, and even though you enjoyed the solace that came with the silence of not having to have the guys around with their constant bickering and yelling, you couldn’t help but miss them dearly.

So, when your brother offered up an apartment in the same building as theirs, once you got accepted into the same school, you took it immediately.

“Hey, we’ll still live here until we get stable jobs after graduating, baby. You don’t have to sulk, you won’t be lonely and we’ll make sure of it,” Seungcheol chuckled.

You felt your heart beat faster at the sound of his voice, you’ve seen Seungcheol ever since you guys were teenagers, but you had to admit, college and becoming an adult was catching up to him.

Seungcheol looked broad, and it was the result of continuously working out and his efforts to maintain his body and health, but he also carried a different air around him, one that made you feel choked up and so small around him.

You held back from developing feelings for Seungcheol though, as he was your brother’s best friend. It was strictly sibling code, but Jeonghan didn’t seem to care if you dated any of his friends for that matter.

“I’ll take it,” You smile at Seungcheol.

You couldn’t help the fluttering you felt in your chest, but you also weighed your feelings for the man.

Seungcheol was handsome, and he had a charming personality to match, but would he date you? He most likely saw you as a little sister above all else, and he was Jeonghan’s best friend, your brother would never let you live it down.

You were so wrong though because not even a month after you had moved in, Seungcheol had asked you out on a date.

You were pleasantly surprised, not expecting him to ever look your way at all, but here you were as the man handed you a small bouquet, pink dusting his cheeks as he waited for your answer.

“Yes Cheol, I’ll go out with you,” Seungcheol’s eyes lit up as he picked you up and spun you around out of excitement.

You laughed once he put you down, and on the way home, he couldn’t help but announce it to both of his roommates. Jeonghan raised a brow at you, and you shrugged shyly under your brother’s gaze.

One date with Seungcheol turned into two, then three, until you finally agreed to be his girlfriend. Things got serious quickly between the two of you, given how long you’ve known each other, and Jeonghan and Joshua couldn’t help but laugh at their friend who was finally experiencing a relationship for the first time.

You were both acting like lovesick fools whenever you visited the apartment and within a year, your relationship had progressed into something deeper.

Seungcheol opted to move over into your apartment on the floor above, and you both even decided to adopt a puppy and name her Kkuma.

Life couldn’t have been better, especially when Seunghcheol took great care of you in all ways.

“Hi baby, I picked up some things at the store that we were running out of. How was your day?” Seungcheol kissed your cheek as he placed the groceries on the kitchen island.

You were currently cooking dinner for the two of you, and you turned gratefully toward your boyfriend. He is the most perfect partner you could ever ask for.

Communication with Seungcheol was easy, loving him was easy, and being with him was easy, but it was as if he had become an entirely different person once you were about to reach the two-year mark of your relationship.

Seungcheol started becoming more closed off, he spent more time at his new job, and he started lashing out at you, causing huge blowup fights between you both, resulting in you having to sleep at Jeonghan and Joshua’s place more often than not.

“I don’t understand what’s gotten into him, you know he seems fine at work, but now he’s raising his voice at you? Y/n, we know Seungcheol is our best friend, but his actions are already harming you, don’t you think it’s better to break up?” Jeonghan looked like he was pleading with you.

Your older brother knew better than anyone, and you bit your lip softly. Even Joshua and Jeonghan had started to notice the change, it was how Seungcheol even refused to spare you a glance at parties, or how he had started to leave you alone more often, even during his day off.

What ticked Jeonghan off though, was the fact that Seungcheol had already raised his voice at you in front of them multiple times.

He couldn’t stand to see his baby sister being taken for granted by someone who once cared about her so much, he wondered what on earth happened to the Seungcheol who vowed to take care of you.

The one who always doted on you and scolded Jeonghan for leaving you alone when you needed him.

“Hey, take it easy on her. Two years is a long time Han, so it’s not like Y/n can walk out on him instantly just like that. I have to agree with your brother though, Y/n. This isn’t healthy for you, and we’re willing to help you with whatever just to make things easier,” Joshua pulls you into his side on the sofa and you huff.

The Seungcheol you were with felt unrecognizable, and you just wished you could run away from him for once, so you decided to confide in the two about how your best friend, Mingyu, had offered to take you to Italy with him because he was going to model for a brand there, and how they loved your portfolio and wanted to take you under their wing as a senior fashion designer.

“Don’t you think it’s wiser to take the opportunity? I know you love Cheol, but Y/n, you can’t keep putting up with this. He’s only hurting you,” Joshua says softly.

You shake your head and let out a deep sigh. What would it take for you to walk away from it all? Leaving sounded tempting, yet all you could think about was how Seungcheol would feel if you left.

He could still change, but how much longer could you endure the pain he’s been putting you through?

“Look, we understand that it’s easier said than done, but you’re still so young and have the whole world to explore. Don’t chain yourself down to this relationship, Y/n. We promise to deal with Seungcheol if it makes you feel better, but for now, we think you should take the opportunity to go to Italy,” Jeonghan looks at you painfully, and the last thing you wanted to do was to hurt your brother, seeing as you being in pain was already doing just that.

“I—'ll go to Italy, but promise me that you both will take care of Cheol? I know he hasn't been the best lately, but he’ll need as much support as I do. It's been difficult, but you guys are right, I still have the world out there for me, and whatever happens with Cheol will happen. Find our way back to each other or not, I think I’m ready for a fresh start,” You declare.

Jeonghan and Joshua look at you fondly, as Seungkwan, their new roommate and one of your closest friends, walks into the room, eyes as wide as saucers.

“Wait, you’re taking Mingyu up on that offer in Italy? That’s amazing, Y/n! I’ve been waiting for Seungcheol to finally get his grip off of you so you can flourish!” You laugh awkwardly as Seungkwan crushes you in his embrace.

“Ugh, Kwannie! Mingyu said he’s supposed to leave next week, I think it’s finally time I give him the answer he’s been waiting for. Are you coming with?” You pout at Seungkwan. Your friend nods and gives you a wide grin.

“I’m coming along so I can get used to the environment, I can’t leave these two just yet you know? Besides, I’ll go tell my sister once I’m ready and I’ll be there with you both ok? Now come on, let’s head upstairs, I’ll help you pack!” Seungkwan pushes you out the door and you bid your brother and Joshua goodbye, promising to call them later.

You were happy you had Seungkwan to keep you company while packing your things, he kept your mind at bay knowing you still had to talk to Seungcheol about everything that was happening.

You couldn't just get up and leave without an explanation, it just wasn't who you were, and you felt like it would’ve been unfair for your boyfriend.

Once you finally zipped up your last suitcase of personal belongings, you didn't have much, to begin with, and Seungkwan lugged the rest of your bags down to their apartment, you heard the door open. ‘He’s home,’ you thought to yourself.

You walk out of your room and see Seungcheol walk into the apartment, his body language seeming a bit more apprehensive than usual, but you know you have to say something.

You were already leaving for Italy the next week, and this was probably going to be the last time you’d be seeing Seungcheol in a while.

“Cheol? Can we talk, please?” Your voice was timid, almost coming out as a squeak if Seungcheol didn’t listen hard enough. He turns to look at you, his gaze suddenly soft but still somehow holding anger.

“Can you make it quick? I still have something to do so I won’t be in the house for long, you don’t have to wait for me,” Seungcheol huffed.

Your heart broke at how you could barely even recognize the person in front of you.

This wasn't the same Seungcheol who constantly doted on you while growing up. The Seungcheol who was too scared to even raise his voice at you, knowing you hated it when people yelled at you.

How did his, “Hey angel, don’t wait up for me and get some rest, you had a long day,” turn into cold scoffs and constant eye rolls? Was he tired of you?

You finally gather enough courage to speak up about everything you’ve held back from him the past few weeks.

This wasn’t your Seungcheol anymore, this man was a stranger in your apartment, he was a stranger you once knew, a stranger whom you’ve loved with your whole heart, only for him to throw it all away. You finally had enough, it was time for you to choose yourself for once.

“You know what? Fine, I will. To sum it all up, I’m leaving you Seungcheol, this isn’t gonna be the same as some silly little sleepover at Joshua and Jeonghan’s. I’m leaving, I’ve had enough of dealing with your outbursts and I barely recognize you anymore. I’m sorry I had to end it like this, but I’m choosing myself this time,” a stray tear makes its way down your face and you hold in the urge to sob.

This was for your own good, and if leaving Seungcheol and bearing the pain was what it took, so be it.

You knew it would be hard to move on, but you also knew that making a choice for yourself and choosing yourself for your peace was what you needed right now.

“I’m letting go, maybe we aren’t meant to be, or we’ll find our way back, but I can’t promise anything. I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me anything else because I leave next week. I have everything packed, and you can talk to my brother and Joshua about living arrangements, I’ll still pay the lease until the end of the month,” You choke out.

Your nose was starting to get stuffy and your vision started to blur, you couldn’t even look at Seungcheol as you told him everything.

“Y/n, please, don’t leave. I’m sorry, just give me time to fix everything, I know I fucked up. Why did you decide to drop all of this on me now? I– I can’t, Y/n, please,” Seungcheol was pleading with you.

You knew it was unfair, but after countless months of giving in to Seungcheol and settling with being the same understanding girlfriend you are, you couldn’t help it.

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you fix everything when you’re too late. I’ve given you countless chances to finally pull yourself together, even going as far as to leave you alone because I know how much you hate being bothered when you’re stressed, and this is what I get in return. I’ve been too understanding towards you that it’s starting to affect me, please, just let me have it this once Seungcheol,” You were now the one pleading as tears cascaded down your face like a waterfall.

Seungcheol’s heart ached as he looked at you. You were such a self-assured, independent, and strong young woman, he knew that since the moment he met you.

Jeonghan made sure you grew up not needing a man to take care of you but also made sure you still left a part of yourself where you allowed someone to take care of you once you felt vulnerable enough.

This wasn’t the same woman he had fallen in love with, instead, what Seungcheol saw in front of him was the same girl who had her heart crushed by a stupid teenage boy back in high school.

You looked so broken, so frail, as you tried to shield yourself away from him. Seungcheol couldn’t help but feel as if the world was closing in on him, had he been too neglectful the past few months?

Did he let his emotions get the best of him when he had promised you that he would keep a level head around you? Hell, he even promised your brother he would never hurt you, and look where it got him.

Seungcheol couldn’t even get another word out before you left the apartment, leaving him in the silence of a home that was once filled with the warmth of the love you had once before.

Ten minutes had passed and Seungcheol still couldn't believe that you had walked out on him, had he been too lax of a boyfriend already?

He knew he fucked up and he had been wanting to fix things between you both, but it ultimately ended in failure the moment you walked out of that apartment.

You hold the handle of your carry-on bag as Mingyu checks you both in while you are still taking in the atmosphere of the entire airport.

It felt surreal, a week ago you were in the apartment you once shared with Seungcheol, everything you withheld from him boiling over, and now you’re at the airport with one of your best friends in the entire world, ready to go to Italy and start life over.

“Hey, I got our boarding passes, let's head in and get past security so we don't have to deal with the hassle later. Also, you look tense, lighten up a bit, you need this reset,” Mingyu smiles at you gently while handing you your passport.

You nod and let out a breath, Mingyu was right, your life had been stagnant for too long, and this was something you deserved.

“Thanks, Gyu, for everything. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, I seriously feel like I’m indebted to you,” You joke, and Mingyu lets out a scoff.

“No need to thank me, you’re the most amazing fashion designer I know, and with the company liking your portfolio and telling me that they would like to take you under their wing immediately, you should give yourself more credit where it’s due. This was all from your hard work, Y/n,” Mingyu shakes his head and you both go through security while lugging your bags through the scanners.

After going through security, you and Mingyu bought food and chatted at the boarding gate happily while waiting for your flight to board.

“I’m glad you took the opportunity, I was starting to think you’d be stuck here forever, forced to live a boring life with Seungcheol. No offense, of course, it's just that you’re way too talented to not show your colors to the entire world,” Mingyu flushes and you grin at him sheepishly.

You met Mingyu through Minghao, who introduced you to the man because he knew you needed a male model because you ran out of options for your menswear class.

“Look, I know you love your brother and all, but this is our last final for the year, Y/n! Think about it, you already had Joshua model for the midterm, and Jeonghan modeled for us during the first semester’s finals, and our second-semester midterms.” Minghao gave you a pointed look knowing you had to do this for your sake.

You were too familiar with your brother and Joshua’s builds, and despite getting near-perfect scores on your projects, you still wanted to try something that was out of your comfort zone. Minghao then snaps his fingers and you look at him in confusion.

“I have this friend, you remember Mingyu right? He was my model during the first round of midterms last semester. I think it would be great if you practiced with him since you aren't used to taller and broader builds,” You raise your brows at Minghao’s proposition.

“I mean, you’re right about that. Give me his contact, and I’ll shoot him a message,” You smiled softly. Minghao handed you his phone with Mingyu’s contact as you input it into your phone.

You met Mingyu once for his measurements, saw his sweet smile once, heard him speak in his soft voice, and the rest was history.

Mingyu had turned into your rock, your other cheerleader who was there whenever your boyfriend wasn't. Now, you’re traveling the world with your best friend who is everything you could ever ask for.

“I appreciate the sentiment Gyu, I couldn't have gotten here without you being by my side. I guess I thought I was destined to just, you know, wait until I get offered a boring job at some corporate office that has nothing to do with my degree, then live with Seungcheol until God knows how long,” You laugh softly, looking back at what you had thought would be the rest of your life, but change is inevitable and it was time you accept it.

“Of course, you know I’ll always be by your side. It's my job to take care of you as your best friend, even if you insist that you’re completely fine on your own.” Mingyu pouts.

You laugh at Mingyu and heave a sigh of relief. You finally felt free after all these months.

From being too depressed to get out of the apartment, declining every invitation from your friends, to moving to Italy with both of your best friends and starting life over from scratch.

Your brother and your friends were right, even if you did love Seungcheol, some people just aren't meant to be in our lives for so long once they impact you negatively.

“Oh, by the way, did Seungkwan send you his flight details? I swear, he has do-not-disturb mode on more, these days,” You laugh as you come across a picture of you, Seungkwan, and Mingyu on your last trip to Jeju during Seungkwan’s birthday.

Mingyu hummed and nodded, showing you a screenshot that Seungkwan had sent to him.

“His flight is still later tonight, so he’ll probably arrive the day after us or like at night? I don’t know, time zones are weird,” Mingyu gave up trying to understand time zones and you laughed again at how cute your best friend was.

“I’m sure Seungkwan will call us once he’s there, so we don’t need to worry much. What we need to worry about though, is where we’re going to be staying once we get there first,” You laugh.

Mingyu shows you an email on his phone from the company, it said you were going to be provided with housing since Mingyu was a model, and you were a senior fashion designer.

“What? They’re going to provide us with housing? That’s crazy,” Your mouth gaped like a fish and Mingyu laughed at you.

“I know, that’s why I chose this company over every other one. The others only ever put your portfolio and resume aside, while the one we’re being hired to right now provided us both with opportunities. I thought it was only fair to bring you along since I did get scouted by big shots after uploading myself modeling in your pieces,” Mingyu smiled softly, his tone laced with gratitude towards you.

You wave off Mingyu’s remark dismissively. “You worked hard you know? I think my clothes were only a little bit of help when it came to your actual scouting, I think you should give yourself more credit,” You reply.

After an hour of talking, you and Mingyu were finally headed into your seats on the plane. Suddenly, everything felt so surreal as Mingyu lugged your carry-ons into the overhead bins.

“I can’t believe we’re moving to Italy, never in my life would I ever imagine hopping on a plane headed to work in Europe of all places,” You say to Mingyu, who is settled on the seat beside you.

“I think you should finally start believing it because you still might feel as though you’re dreaming the moment we land,” Mingyu chuckles and leans his head on yours, an action that makes you feel warm inside.

It felt nice having Mingyu around, he was healing a part of you that wished it was Cheol doing all this, but you knew better than to think of your ex right now because you were on the path of moving on from everything he put you through.

The flight was a breeze, and thankfully nobody was in the seat beside Mingyu, because he could easily slip into the restroom at any time, a luxury he didn’t usually have if he was placed in a window or middle seat on the plane.

“You know since we are just a few minutes away from landing, did I ever get the chance to thank you for being a huge blessing in my life?” You laugh as the plane is making its final descent.

“I knew you needed this opportunity because I saw how badly he was treating you, I had to give you this much because you deserve way better,” Mingyu replies gently.

Your heart blooms and you grip his hand, you are ready to move forward, and you know you have the right people by your side.

“Seungkwan, can you go pick up groceries at the Korean supermarket across the street? It’s your turn since you are mooching off me and Mingyu until you move in with Vernon,” You jokingly call out to your friend.

Seungkwan grumbles and you laugh before turning to him from the kitchen. “Yeah, don’t worry, I already know whatever is on the list before you need to tell me, I’ll be back in like twenty minutes,” he tells you on his way out the door.

It had been a few months since you had arrived in Italy with Mingyu and Seungkwan, and you all had settled into the country quite easily.

Starting work was a breeze because the company was very accommodating and everyone was friendly, and you found yourself moving on faster than you expected.

“Seungkwan’s finally moving in with Vernon huh? I can’t believe it’s already been a while since we got here. Now tell me, when are you going to give in to me?” Mingyu jokes as he wraps his strong arms around your waist.

You were no stranger to skinship with your best friend, but the veil between friendship and romance was starting to wear thin after moving in together after a few months.

Mingyu was just a stark contrast from who Seungcheol was, and you were starting to give in to him despite your fears of commitment.

It didn’t help that your best friend was just as hopeless a romantic as you are, so Mingyu naturally took his time with you. It was something you were immensely grateful for because he fully understood that you probably weren’t even ready to pursue another relationship.

See, Mingyu was naturally a soft-spoken man. During the entirety of friendship not once had he raised his voice at you, or anyone for that matter, even when he was angry or agitated.

Mingyu rarely blew up on people. You used to fear being yelled at because with Seungcheol, it was inevitable, and it only planted a fear of everyone raising their voice at you the moment Seungcheol had let go of all his reserve during a fight.

Even if Mingyu did raise his voice from across the apartment, he made sure it was at a reasonable volume that didn’t scare you, and on the rare occasion that you both would get into a fight, Mingyu would only communicate his feelings towards you in a calm tone.

Mingyu was also just full of love, he was always so considerate towards everyone around him. He made sure you and Seungkwan knew how grateful he was to have you both by his side because this was a big step for all of you.

The nights when the three of you would drink together, and Mingyu would pour out his gratitude towards you both, about how he felt so happy that the universe had given him some of the most amazing best friends in the entire world (also yapping about how much he missed Wonwoo, his old roommate, but that was for another time).

It was just a huge plus that Mingyu also willingly helped around the house, naturally because you knew it was in your best friend’s upbringing to keep the house in proper shape.

Even cooking with Mingyu was an experience because you both enjoy sharing recipes and want to try them out together, which meant Seungkwan was treated to a delicious meal every time you and Mingyu would find a new dish to try out.

Mingyu made you experience new things that you couldn’t when it came to your ex, and slowly, the feelings between you both unfolded.

Seungkwan couldn’t deny it to you either that you and Mingyu would make a great married couple, you both were pretty tame and low maintenance, something that was rare to find these days.

“I know you’re not ready to start a relationship or deal with feelings right now after everything you’ve been through with your ex, but trust me when I say this, Mingyu is the one you should marry. You both look so perfect together, and it’s a plus that he already likes you,” Seungkwan whined, and you laughed as he threw your other best friend under the bus.

Mingyu was out for an event with Minghao that night, and he wanted to bring you along but he also knew you hated huge events or loud places, so he opted to leave you at home with Seungkwan, promising to come back at a reasonable hour and to not drink so much.

It was a small action but it was something you felt grateful for, it showed that Mingyu still thought of you while having fun and living his life.

“I’ve never thought about dating Mingyu, let alone marrying him but, I mean, he’s not that bad. I’m already way past my ex anyway, so you’re right on that. Don’t throw Mingyu under the bus like that ever again though,” You giggle. Seungkwan clicks his tongue and sips from his wine.

“I wish you met Mingyu before Seungcheol or something, you two make each other so happy and you guys don’t leave me out at all. I love you and Mingyu so much despite everything we’ve been through,” Seungkwan smiles softly and holds your hand.

Moving to Europe definitely wasn’t an easy decision for the three of you, but you all found comfort in each other and got through hurdles together.

There were fights, and misunderstandings, one time you even walked out on them, but you all knew that at the end of the day, you all had each other no matter what.

Seungkwan’s words from that night echoed in your head as you snapped back to reality, Mingyu’s arms still wrapped around you with a soft grin on his face.

You wish you had met Mingyu before it all, maybe then you would’ve narrowly avoided one of your most life-altering heartaches, but now you were ready to move forward with Mingyu.

“What if I told you that you already had all of me?” You didn’t stop for a second and kissed Mingyu, who froze for a second, but immediately melted into the kiss.

You weren’t afraid to love anymore. Mingyu was all the proof you needed, knowing you deserve a second chance after everything.

When you both pulled away, Mingyu’s cheeks were dusted pink, his signature smile with his canines tugging at his lips.

“You don’t understand how long I’ve been waiting for you to do that,” he breathed out cheekily, chasing your lips for more.

“You’re so annoying, you know that right?” You laugh and pull Mingyu in for another kiss, this time with your arms around his neck.

Suddenly, you both hear a crash by the doorway and hear plastic bags falling, only to find Seungkwan with his mouth agape and eyes as wide as saucers.

“I was out for twenty minutes, what the hell happened,” Seungkwan choked out.

It’s been years since Seungcheol had heard from you, and he was still a mess, except he was finally starting to get back up on his feet to help himself.

About a month after you had left, he had moved back in with Joshua and Jeonghan, and he didn’t understand why they still welcomed him with open arms, let alone Jeonghan of all people.

You were his younger sister, and he hurt you, shouldn’t he be cursing him out and telling him to go to hell?

“If you’re wondering why you seem like in our good graces, Y/n told us to take care of you until you’re back on your feet. You’re still our childhood friend Cheol, and even if we don’t tolerate what you did to Y/n, she told us to make sure that you weren’t going to do anything stupid. You need as much support as her, and who are we to deny when we care about you both?” Jeonghan says firmly.

Seungcheol felt his heart clench, even after he hurt you, you still cared enough to tell his two best friends to care for him.

You were an angel, and he took you for granted. You even went as far as to tell them that it was okay for him to move back in with them (granted Seungcheol also did twice as much housework compared to Jeonghan and Joshua because of how guilty he felt).

Now, three years had passed since you had moved to Italy, and you usually visited during the holidays, but Seungcheol was never around because it pained him too much to see you.

He had eventually gathered up the courage to try to move on, and while he is stable in his career as a form of distraction, he still had feelings for you deep in his heart.

You were his first love, and it wasn’t going to change any time soon because he wanted you forever.

Every day he wished he wasn’t immature enough to push you away, he silently prayed to every God above for him to give your relationship another shot.

Seungcheol was a changed man now, and he was willing to do everything in his power to be with you.

Seungcheol was hopeful, until he wasn’t, especially when Jeonghan had dropped the bomb that you had invited them to your engagement party in Jeju island.

“This has to be a joke, right?” Seungcheol could only laugh at how ridiculous it all seemed.

Were you engaged? It had only been a few years since you moved to Italy, he was sure you wouldn’t have found a boyfriend in that period, let alone a fiancée.

“Nope, you’re hearing it correctly. Y/n’s been bringing home her boyfriend, well I guess fiancée now, for three years already. I understand that it’s been rough ever since we started living separately, you wouldn’t visit as much as Josh whenever she was around, understandably so, but she’s moved on and he makes her happy,” Jeonghan sipped from his mug, and shrugged, making Seungcheol’s brows knit.

“I know exposure therapy isn’t the way to go, but Y/n means a lot to us despite everything, you know that. You can get the closure you need and you can finally move on, Cheol,” Jeonghan continued before putting his cup down on the desk, this was his second cup of coffee, he had to stop at some point.

Seungcheol was in an internal debate with himself, he realized that while he did need closure, was it worth all the pain of seeing you again?

He knew he had to, it was what he needed before he could fully move on, but something in him was still hanging on to what could’ve been between you both.

“I’ll go, maybe it is time. I’ll consider it,” Seungcheol slumps in his chair and stares outside the window of his office.

All the time he had spent building his company from the ground up so he could prove himself worthy once you came back, only for you to be engaged with someone else.

“You don’t have to force yourself though, just take it easy. Y/n will understand, you know she always does,” Jeonghan walks up to Seungcheol and leans by his desk, staring at the same city skyline in front of them.

Seungcheol’s hard work was undeniable, and it was all because of the effort he put in to forget you, but he just couldn’t, Seungcheol knew he needed proper closure instead to fully move on from your past.

“I’ll be fine Han, I can handle myself now,” Seungcheol says as his brows knit once more, looking back at the events of the past year.

He had started his own tech company and now he’s the CEO of a huge corporation, his career is now a reflection of all his hard work and dedication, but what was the use of all that money when he couldn’t share it with someone else? That someone who he desperately wished was you.

“I know you can handle yourself Cheol, but you were a wreck when you first moved in. Me and Josh had to pester you for you to get back on your feet for fucks sake, I wouldn’t hold it against you if had second thoughts about going,” Jeonghan says softly. As much as he knew that his friend could handle himself, he couldn’t help but worry.

Since then, two weeks had passed since that conversation and your initial invitation to your brother and his best friends to your engagement party.

Jeonghan calls you excitedly as they settle on the plane to Jeju, Seungcheol lugging the bags into the overhead bins, and Joshua already taking a nap as other passengers continue to board.

“Are you certain that we already have assigned rooms? Ok, I understand. Take care Y/n! We’ll see you at the airport,” Jeonghan hangs up before turning over to Joshua and Seungcheol beside him.

“You guys are sharing a room at the resort, and I’m going to room with Seungkwan. Y/n and her fianceé will be picking us up, so no funny business,” he continued.

Seungcheol clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. He's a jealous guy and he can’t help it, but you’re no longer his girlfriend and he knew he had to behave himself.

He couldn’t wait to see who your fiancée was, and he tried to make the most of it at least because you were still someone who’s considered family to him.

The flight was short-lived and they landed in Jeju in no time. Joshua stretched as they carried their bags from the conveyor belt onto the cart, and Jeonghan had received a call from you saying you were outside waiting.

Traveling with three bachelors felt like a nightmare for Seungcheol, it wasn’t like they weren’t capable of getting girlfriends, but rather, they were too busy for the dating lifestyle.

Seungcheol wouldn’t wish for it to be anyone else though, he was just happy to have Joshua and Jeonghan around as his support systems.

“Last bag, let’s head out so we have enough time to rest before the party tomorrow. Don’t wanna go on the plane with a hangover and a fuck ton of regrets once we’re headed home, just so we can mentally prepare ourselves,” Joshua breathes out. Though this wasn’t a wedding, it sure did feel like one.

The only reason you and Mingyu had even decided to have an engagement party was because you two were going to have your main wedding in Italy with your close family members.

The party served as a gathering for distant friends and relatives to congratulate you both since you couldn’t bring everyone to Europe with you.

As they headed out of the airport, Jeonghan could spot your figure and hear you calling out to them by your rental car.

Seungcheol had also caught sight of you and felt his heart skip, you looked more radiant since the last time he had seen you, granted it was probably because three years had passed, and he just couldn’t believe it.

You looked healthier now, you were no longer frail, and your smile had reached your eyes again, the same glint of happiness in them.

Seungcheol had forgotten why they were here the second he saw you, but it was only for a moment until he saw your fiancée standing right beside you, his form towering over yours.

Seungcheol recognized who this man was, it was Kim Mingyu, your best friend since college.

“Hi, guys! It’s been so long, I missed you all so much!” You say with a smile and hug Jeonghan.

Your brother grips you tightly while laughing, he missed you just as much, if not more.

Seungcheol smiles at the scene in front of him, he had always adored your interactions with Jeonghan.

Joshua then walked over to Mingyu as the taller man helped him with the bags. So this is who you were marrying, your best friend who Seungcheol had always worried about deep down.

“Hi Cheol, how was the flight? You must be tired, Jeonghan told me you guys were up early,” You greeted him softly, a smile still gracing your features.

Seungcheol blinked in disbelief, he never expected you to be so welcoming towards him, but years have passed and he understands that you’re over it by now.

“It was alright at most, I’m honestly just excited to relax at the hotel. How’ve you been?” Seungcheol smiled.

He looks over and sees Mingyu talking to Joshua about something while helping him with their bags, still weary about him.

“I’ve been great, Italy with Seungkwan and Mingyu was one of the best decisions I could’ve ever made. I know there were some things we avoided because of our past, but I hope you know that I’ve done some reflection since then, so no hard feelings on this trip ok? I want you guys to relax,” You lead Seungcheol over to the car and he sits in the back with your brother and Joshua.

The ride to the resort was comfortable, courtesy of you and Mingyu being easy going as conversations flowed naturally.

Seungcheol gauged that you were in good hands, but his heart was still calling out for you, something he wanted to keep at a minimum. You were going to marry someone else, there was no chance left for him.

“You have always had a good eye Y/n, this resort is beautiful,” Joshua compliments.

You laugh and brush off Joshua’s comment sweetly, but it was true, you always had a good eye for things in general (except boyfriends apparently, but Mingyu be damned because he did everything in his power to win your heart).

“I’ll bring you over to Seungkwan’s room since he’s staying across from me and Mingyu. Baby, can you lead Joshua and Seungcheol over to their rooms?” You turn to Mingyu, and Seungcheol catches the way your fiancée’s gaze is full of love for you.

His heart could only clench, was it genuinely worth the pain to support you? Seungcheol secretly wished for the ground to swallow him up whole.

“Of course, remember we still have dinner with everyone later, don’t forget to tell Jeonghan the details,” Mingyu reminds you.

You nod and wave them off, dragging your brother over to a happy Seungkwan, who stands by the elevator waiting for you both.

Joshua and Mingyu had been in their own world, talking amongst themselves while Seungcheol’s focus had been on his phone the entire time.

“Hey man, how are you? Jeonghan told us you were working hard to build your company up after we left for Italy,” Mingyu says in a friendly tone.

“It’s been great, it gets pretty lonely here at the top since the breakup, but it’s nothing I can’t handle,” Seungcheol says with a smirk, finding the entire situation so ridiculous.

Joshua eyes him and chuckles to alleviate the jab that Seungcheol had taken at Mingyu, but your fiancée takes it just fine and continues the conversation calmly.

“I hope you find someone to share your success with in the near future. I understand that we all deserve to be loved by someone. It’s just that some people we hoped to end up with aren’t meant to be, and it’s not our fault,” Mingyu replies, tone still friendly and calm.

Seungcheol felt ticked off but decided to behave himself as the elevator arrived at their floor.

“Here’s the key card, as I mentioned earlier, there is a dinner we’ll be having with the rest of the guests tonight, it will be at the restaurant by the beach. You can just give mine or Y/n’s name for the reservation if they ask, I’ll see you guys later! Rest up since you guys must’ve had a long flight,” Mingyu makes his leave.

Joshua turns to Seungcheol and raises his brow while unlocking the room.

“Behave a bit, I know it’s been a while but we’re here for Y/n and it’s about her, you don’t have to like Mingyu, but let’s not cause any fights. Mingyu’s good to Y/n, and you can talk to Y/n about everything tonight after dinner if you need to,” Joshua says firmly.

Seungcheol hangs his head low, Joshua is right, he promised to behave himself because he understands that he needs to move on.

You had every right to leave him back then, and he should accept it, he just needs his final bit of closure, even if it hurts.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be more friendly toward Mingyu. I’ll keep myself in line, let’s rest so we can get ready later,” Joshua nods and smiles at Seungcheol, he was finally getting somewhere and it made him feel like a proud mom.

On the other hand, you were already being interrogated in your room by Jeonghan, Seungkwan, and your beloved fianceé because of Seungcheol’s appearance.

“You guys said it would be fine! Besides, I don’t have any hard feelings! He’s still like family Han,” You whine to your brother as you bury yourself in Mingyu’s embrace.

“He was already taking jabs at Mingyu when I told him to keep himself in line. Y/n, I need you to talk to him and give him the closure he needs tonight so that he doesn’t go mad tomorrow,” Jeonghan sighs.

You pout and Mingyu pecks your lips before taking your hand in his and rubbing it with his thumb as a sign of reassurance.

“I’m willing to do that, as long as we’ll be ok by the party. I’m sorry for causing problems,” You say sadly, now feeling guilt eat at you.

Inviting your ex was such a last-minute decision, but Seungcheol had been in your life for so long even before the breakup that you still felt the need to have him at such an important event in your life.

“Look what you’ve done, Jeonghan. Y/n, it’s ok to make these decisions, all he needs is to talk to you and you’ll be fine, we know you and Mingyu trust each other enough for you to make this decision,” Seungkwan tells you.

It was your brother’s turn to pout as Seungkwan jokingly slapped his shoulder. Seungkwan’s words instantly made your shoulders feel lighter and you looked up at Mingyu.

“I trust you. Look, you can talk to Seungcheol tonight after dinner and we’ll make sure that nothing will happen, alright? Don’t worry,” Mingyu says softly. You nod and look over at your brother, who gives you a smile and a thumbs-up.

Dinner rolls around and you’ve finished your makeup, along with your hair, all that’s left is your dress for tonight.

“Mingyu? Babe, can you come help me with the dress?” Your fiancée peeks from the bathroom and you giggle at his appearance.

“I told you to make the design simpler so you can put it on more easily, but then again, you’re Y/n. My favorite fashion designer,” Mingyu jokes while he zips up the garment and ties the corset in the back.

The two of you look in the mirror, and you take in your form. The dress was designed by yourself and it looked stunning in every way possible.

The sleeves were flowy and the skirt ended right above your ankles, the bodice had a built-in corset and the neckline was a deep v, along with a slit ran down the side until your upper thigh.

“I may not be the luckiest man in the entire world, but my god does the knowledge of me marrying you cancel all that out,” Mingyu says, his jaw slack.

You blush and cover your face with your hands, despite dating for two years and now being engaged, you could never get used to Mingyu complimenting and affirming you constantly.

“I love you, so much,” You kiss Mingyu and wrap your arms around his neck.

The two of you had also had it hard during your dating journey together, but it was nothing a bit of communication couldn’t fix, especially when you both put in the work to get to where you are today.

“I love you more than you could ever imagine, vita mia (my life)” Mingyu says in between your kisses and wraps his arms around your waist.

Before things could progress even more, Seungkwan slams the room door open and clicks his tongue.

“Nice to see you’re brushing up on your Italian guys, now if you don’t mind, we have some guests to get to. You guys have five minutes to go to the lobby,” Seungkwan huffs and shuts the door again.

It’s silent, until you and Mingyu start laughing.

“Shall we?” Mingyu smiles at you after a laughing fit and you take his hand in yours. It was going to be a long night, but you’re with the people you love and that’s all that matters.

At the restaurant, you were elated to see your family members and friends all gathered to celebrate your engagement.

“Mom! Dad!” You grin wildly and greet your parents, seeing Jeonghan following right behind you to greet them as well.

“Y/n, you look so beautiful tonight. I guess being with Mingyu is rubbing off on you,” Your mother jokes softly.

She had always been a fan of Mingyu ever since you brought him home, he was the epitome of any mother’s dream son-in-law.

“She’s always been so beautiful, mom, even more so since the Italian sun hit her skin. It’s lovely to see you tonight, have you seen my mother by any chance?” Mingyu wraps an arm around your waist securely, whilst smiling at your mother.

You were surprised at the display of affection since you two had been holding hands prior, but your eyes caught wind of Seungcheol and it clicked.

“I was just with her, she’s always running off to greet the rest of the family and guests. I’ll go look for her so we can settle at the table together,” Your mother giggles while dragging your brother away, who waves at you sheepishly.

It seemed like he had a few words of his own for you two, but it could wait apparently.

Mingyu led you over to the reserved area by the waist as you greeted guests who had also arrived. “Congratulations on your engagement you two, I wouldn’t have expected it from a mile away,” Minghao jokes.

“Wouldn’t be here without you, so we have to give you most of the credit,” You reply softly.

Minghao takes his hand in yours and looks at Mingyu with care in his eyes, he admires how well you both complement each other as a couple.

“I never expected anything further, but you two surprised me by a ton. Give yourself some credit for the connection you developed with one another, and Mingyu, if you hurt her, I won’t be as pliant,” Minghao continues, this time letting go of your hand and giving way for you and Mingyu to walk through.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Mingyu gives you his signature smile, canines looking as sharp as ever, before finally letting you sit at the table that was reserved for the two of you.

The beachside hall was starting to fill up with the rest of the guests, and you kept your grip on your fiancée’s hand.

“Hey, you seem tense. Breathe a bit, we’ll just say a few words and mingle with our friends, but if you do end up feeling a bit sick just tell me and we can go back to our room,” Mingyu caresses your hand with his thumb, and you feel more at ease with his assurance.

“Sorry, it’s been a while, I still haven’t gotten used to the fact that I’m your fiancée now and not just your girlfriend. I promise to ease up a bit, and I’ll let you know if I do end up feeling a bit under the weather. Now, don’t worry about me, and let us enjoy the dinner,” You squeeze Mingyu’s hand and kiss his cheek in the process, wondering what you did to deserve him.

What you failed to realize was that Seungcheol was watching the entire interaction happen right in front of him, jealousy boiling in his veins.

Seungkwan clears his throat awkwardly, which catches the attention of Seokmin, who is sitting beside him. Seungcheol gives Seungkwan an awkward smile, realizing that he was being way too obvious with his distaste.

Joshua chuckles and taps Seungcheol’s shoulder as a sign of reassurance. “Take it slow, you still have to talk to Y/n to get all that awkwardness out the door. You’re still just as important to her you know? Again, we won’t hold it against you if you can’t take how uncomfortable it feels being here Cheol,” Joshua uttered.

“I’m fine Josh, I did choose to come here. Once this dinner is over and we can have the conversation, I can finally move on with my life,” Seungcheol sighs, noticing you and Mingyu standing up all of a sudden.

“Hi everyone, a pleasant evening to all of you! First, me and Y/n would like to extend our warmest welcome and gratitude to everyone who has made it, we cannot thank you enough for your presence.” Mingyu’s voice boomed through the hall as everyone cheered.

“Also, thank you all for coming to celebrate our engagement with us. We sadly can’t bring everyone to Italy for the wedding, so we’re here in Jeju to see you all,” You were speaking with so much happiness in your voice, Seungcheol knew right then and there that he had lost. You were happy, he couldn’t do much anymore.

Throughout the dinner, different people dedicated a toast to your engagement. Seungcheol had fun listening to both of your families and their anecdotes, along with a few friends making heartfelt speeches.

You were extremely loved, it was undeniable with the amount of praises and stories being said about you.

“I’d like to dedicate the last toast, this is for both Y/n and Mingyu, because I wouldn’t be living my best life right now without their endless support.” Seungkwan stood up and held out his wine glass, catching everyone’s attention.

“As we all know, the three of us decided to move to Italy together for a fresh start, a new change of scenery. I went with the sole intention of a vacation, though, after a month of being there, I was hooked. There was only one problem, I hadn’t found a job just yet, but Y/n and Mingyu stayed by my side. They helped me get up on my feet, they offered me a place to stay, made sure I was fed, and helped me settle in, which is something I am extremely grateful for,” Seungkwan turns over to you and Mingyu, his eyes now glossing over with tears at you stared at him worriedly, but you knew he was in good hands with Vernon beside him.

“Sorry for becoming emotional, anyways, throughout the time I lived with them, I also watched their feelings for each other unfold. Mingyu was the first one to fall, he was head over heels the moment he saw Y/n cooking in the kitchen, it was so funny because I witnessed it all. He had to debrief how he felt, and I could feel Mingyu’s sincerity, it was sweet,” Seungkwan continued, this time Vernon holding his hand for emotional support.

Everyone swooned at the revelation of Mingyu’s feelings and how they had come to be, it felt different hearing it from someone who was there every step of the way.

“Y/n fell right after, and usually this girl isn’t someone who jumps to conclusions, so she was in denial, but we both knew Mingyu’s treatment towards her changed drastically,” the audience burst out laughing, Seungkwan was on point that was for sure.

“To cut this story short, they were two idiots mindlessly pining after one another, but they finally got together after I left to grab groceries on a random afternoon. I came home and Mingyu was eating Y/n’s face off,” it was Seungkwan’s turn to laugh as he recalled that fateful day.

It was sweet coming home to see the two of you together, but he was not a huge fan of the PDA that was displayed in front of him like a platter.

“I was not!” Mingyu whined. You giggle at your fiancée, squeezing his hand and landing a sweet kiss on his cheek.

“As I was saying, I’m still so grateful to you both to this day, and I feel lucky to have been the one to help you navigate your feelings for one another. A toast to the beautiful couple and a marriage of a lifetime!” Cheers erupted once again and everyone applauded Seungkwan for his speech.

Dinner felt lighter once a few sips of alcohol were shared, and Seungcheol found himself mingling with old friends from high school that you had invited.

“I genuinely thought you would be the one over there with Y/n, but life works in mysterious ways,” a drunken Soonyoung slurred to Seungcheol.

Seokmin cringed from beside him and hit his shoulder to shut him up, but everyone knew that once Soonyoung was drunk, his mouth was relentless.

Seungcheol could only offer an awkward laugh, Soonyoung didn’t know the details of your breakup three years ago, so he couldn’t exactly blame the younger man.

“Yeah, I’m just glad he’s taking care of her. I can’t offer much now, but she’s still our friend. I have no hard feelings knowing Y/n and I are better off as friends,” he replied to Soonyoung’s drunken ramble.

“I hope you find someone soon man, you also deserve to be happy. I think Seok and I are gonna head first since we’re both starting to feel the alcohol kick in, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Seungcheol offered a smile and nodded in acknowledgment.

Everyone knew of Soonyoung’s low tolerance for alcohol, it was understandable that he decided to retire himself before any chaos ensued.

Seungcheol was left at the table with Joshua, Jihoon, and Jeonghan until Minghao approached. He settled himself into the seat beside Seungcheol, smiling and greeting everyone.

“How’s the evening? Everyone’s been leaving slowly, but you stayed. I expected you to be one of the first people to leave, no offense,” Minghao started.

“I can’t blame you, having to sit through your ex’s engagement dinner sounds rough, but it’s been three years and we grew up together. Bonds like that aren’t easily dissolved, if you get what I mean,” Seungcheol chuckled while shaking his head, taking another shot of soju that he poured for himself.

“We can all sympathize, you are a kind man Cheol. I’ve seen you as Y/n’s boyfriend before Mingyu, and you treated her well. What I want to know is, why you started pushing her away last minute. Y/n had always confided in us with your problems,” Minghao’s curiosity had gotten the best of him, but it was in your inner circle’s best interest to find out what Seungcheol’s true intentions were.

“I mean, I was insecure, scared. Y/n has a good heart, she’s the best and if I could turn back time, I would, but I ran away because she deserved better than me. I couldn’t give her the love she desperately craved, we all know about her and those rom-com books,” Seungcheol looked down at his hands.

He felt stupid, and he was stupid, but maybe it happened for a reason.

Minghao felt sympathetic, Seungcheol was afraid to tell you because you were one of the most understanding people anyone could have ever met.

You truly were swamped with attention by your peers, but Seungcheol could’ve handled his insecurity better because you were happy to offer any semblance of assurance.

“I didn’t want Y/n to bend over backward to constantly adjust to my needs because she doesn’t ask for much in return, but I ended up hurting her instead. I’m just content with the fact that Mingyu can give her the love I couldn’t,” Seungcheol’s eyes trailed over once again to yours and Mingyu’s table, only to see you whispering to each other.

You looked tired, but it seemed that Seungkwan had overheard from beside you and gestured over to where Seungcheol was seated.

You bit your lip in hesitation, and Seungcheol instantly knew what was about to take place. Minghao seems to have caught the small interaction as well, and he pats Seungcheol on the shoulder to comfort him.

You squeeze Mingyu’s hand for assurance and your fiancée smiles at you.

“You can do this Y/n, trust that it will be over before you know it. Seungkwan and I will be right here, we can go straight to our room after if you’re too overwhelmed,” Mingyu says gently, holding your hand as if it were as delicate as glass.

“I’ll be back, I love you so much, thank you for trusting me enough to do this,” You mutter just enough for Mingyu to hear.

“I trust you, vita mia,” Mingyu kisses your hand once again and you’re off to the beach outside the hall. Seungcheol didn’t even need to get confirmation as he excused himself and followed you outside.

The cold air surrounds you, along with the sound of crashing waves, feet buried in the sand as you take in the salty scent.

You hear another pair of feet shuffle behind you, and you let out a breath. “Seungcheol,” You turn around and sure enough, you see the man behind you.

“You can go ahead, I understand you’re engaged and you look happy with him. I’m here to finally close the chapter that we never ended properly, and I assure you, I have no other ulterior motives,” Seungcheol is looking at you, his eyes only holding sincerity in them.

“I’m sorry I left, I poured it all out on you right after work because of my anger, I just need to know why,” You were avoiding his gaze and playing with your engagement ring instead.

It felt stuffy, and you were opening a dam that was locked up for three years, but you prevailed for the sake of your marriage with Mingyu.

“I was dumb, I was insecure and pushed you away because I was jealous. We were both so young yet successful, but you were surrounded by so much attention, specifically by men who I couldn’t even compare a fraction to, so I started pushing you away because of the nature of the industry you were going to work in,” Seungcheol poured out his feelings, his heart aching as he recounts the number of times he constantly brought himself down whenever he saw you with men who were models or in the same industry as you.

“I know you would’ve done everything in your power to reassure me, and I also know you would never ask for much in return, but I didn’t want you to suffer because of issues I had with myself. I’m sorry for hurting you, Y/n,” tears were streaming down your face.

All this time, you thought you were the problem, that you no longer made Seungcheol happy, but in reality, he pushed you away because he felt undeserving of you.

“I thought you no longer loved me Cheol, and I am apologetic you feel that way, but that was a thing of the past. We were stupid, and I hope you know that I loved you, yet I chose to leave because I allowed myself to choose my well-being. I wish you communicated to me that you felt that way,” You were open to communication, it was normal, and if Seungcheol wasn’t such a coward back then, the two of you would’ve been fine.

“Things happen for a reason, and I still love you Y/n, but I was a coward. I knew the love I gave you wasn’t even a quarter of what you deserved, you love reading romcoms, and you’re a hopeless romantic. I wanted to give you that love and I held myself to such a high standard, but that was until I noticed that the people that surrounded you did that effortlessly, and I felt angry,” You felt your heart crack, all this time he had left you clueless, and you were now forced to take in all the pain.

“That’s all I needed to hear, I can’t believe you’d do this to me, Cheol. You left me wondering like an idiot, and what you did for me at the time was enough, but I was left a fool. Things do happen for a reason, and I’d like to leave it here. Thank you for the closure we both needed, no hard feelings at the party ok? We throw all the negative feelings away, because we grew up together, and I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” Seungcheol agreed to your arrangement.

He couldn’t afford to lose you either, and after having the conversation with you, his heart felt lighter. The confession was long overdue, but getting it out is what matters.

“No hard feelings, thank you, Y/n. I only wish for the best between you and Mingyu, I also don’t want to lose you. This is overwhelming for us both, so I’ll head first with Joshua. Congratulations once again,” You and Seungcheol smiled at each other, and you turned on your heel to run over to Mingyu, who had been waiting for you the entire time.

Seungcheol’s heart felt lighter, and even if it did hurt, he was content with even being a fragment in each other’s lives. You were in good hands now, and he could see it in the way Mingyu held you close.

© rubyuji 2024’ -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[mariacallous]

At 12:30 pm local time on Monday, the power went out. Across Spain and Portugal, trains and traffic lights abruptly stopped working.

Reports emerged of people being stuck in lifts, and Google Maps live data showed traffic jams in big cities, including Madrid and Barcelona, as they became gridlocked. Major airports warned passengers of delays due to the blackout. Its cause is still unknown. The blackout is estimated to have affected the entirety of Portugal and Spain and small regions in France.

“Traffic lights aren’t working. The streets are chaotic because there is an officer at every crossing,” says Gustavo, who lives in Madrid. “Water doesn’t reach flats at the top of buildings because the pumps are electric, and the very few shops that are open are only taking cash.”

This is every electrical engineer’s nightmare scenario, says Paul Cuffe, assistant professor of the School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering at University College Dublin. “The reason we don’t have widespread outages all the time is because system operators are very conservative and very proactive about using big safety margins to make sure this doesn’t happen,” he says. Engineers plan for failures in grids or surges in consumer demand that could destabilize the power supply. “These things are unusual, but to a power engineer the latent threat of it happening is always there.”

Spain’s electricity operator Red Eléctrica said in a post on X a few hours after the initial blackout that it had recovered power in some areas of Cataluña and Aragón in the northeast; País Vasco, Galicia, La Rioja, Asturias, Navarra, and Castilla y Léon in the north; Extremadura in the east; and Andalucía in the south.

Experts believe that getting the grid back up and running in both countries could take between a few hours to several days, depending on the area. While the grid is powering back up, emergency services will likely be prioritized over things like stable internet connection, they say.

There is a well-rehearsed sequence of steps that now happens, says Cuffe. They are going to be doing what is called a “black start"—a process that gradually reconnects power stations to form a functioning grid again. Electrical supply and demand has to be balanced to avoid further blackouts, meaning as power stations come online, only portions of the grid can come online with them, with the country gradually powering up, step by step. There should be a team within the grid operator that plans for this and that has identified which generators to bring online first, he explains.

Demand on the grid (yellow) fell drastically at around 12.30 local time. Typical usage is marked in green.Red Eléctrica de España

“You should be anticipating every failure that can happen, and you should survive any one of them,” Cuffe says. From the control room, engineers should be able to tell what parts of the grid are definitely functioning so they won’t be flying blind—but it will still take time.

“Even with a completely healthy grid, to do that black start could take 12 hours or 16 hours. You have to do it sequentially, and it takes a long time. I’m sure there are engineers in vans swarming all over the place as we speak trying to make all this happen,” Cuffe says. “It’s like assembling some hellishly complicated Ikea furniture.”

The biggest issue is that without an established, obvious cause for the blackout in the first place, it will be difficult for engineers to know where to reestablish power first without triggering another outage.

“The challenge is to constantly match supply and demand,” says Ketan Joshi, an independent climate and energy consultant. “You need to perform that balancing act, not just plugging everything back in there.” Joshi describes it as a blackout “in reverse.”

“When a tree falls on a power line, you end up chopping off a small chunk of the grid. It’s a pain. A hundred homes get blacked out, a crew comes and they reenergize and reconnect the section that was disconnected,” Joshi explains. This is the same thing, but at an enormous scale. “When you have a blackout like the one we are seeing in Spain and in Portugal, the challenge to map supply and demand becomes ridiculously complicated. Every time you connect up a new chunk of households, you have to perform that same balancing act. The generators that are producing electricity have to match the new demand that has suddenly come on to the grid.”

REN (Red Eletrica Nacional), the main power operator in Portugal, gave a statement to the BBC saying that the outage was caused by “extreme temperature variations in the interior of Spain. There were anomalous oscillations in the very high voltage lines (400 kV), a phenomenon known as ‘induced atmospheric vibration.’” Spain has yet to respond to this allegation.

“I scratched my head at that,” says Cuffe. Both of the country’s grids may be run by national operators, he explains, but they are shackled together as a synchronized grid, which means if one side fails the other one does too—making it not entirely unexpected for one to blame the other.

When it comes to propping the grid back up, both operators are on their own. The Iberian peninsula is an “energy island,” says Jan Rosenow, vice president of global strategy at the Regulatory Assistance Project, an NGO advancing policy innovation and thought leadership within the energy community. Spain and Portugal’s collective interconnection capacity with the rest of Europe—that is, how much of their energy they can draw from or send into the wider continent—is around 6 percent, far below the 2030 target of 15 percent set by the European Union.

“There’s a lot of speculation at the moment, but perhaps with better interconnection the problem would have been a lot less worse,” he says.

In a press conference, Spanish president Pedro Sánchez said that the cause of the power cut is still unknown and warns against speculation. He claimed that the regions that have recovered power have done so with the assistance of connections with France and Morocco, and confirmed that the hydroelectric plants in Spain are back online. He claims that hospitals are unaffected by the power outage, and that air traffic had been “voluntarily” reduced by 20 percent during this incident. He said that trains will be halted for security reasons.

Blackouts in Europe do not happen frequently—a blackout across the whole of Italy in 2003 is the closest example that experts cite as having a similar scale to the one affecting the Iberian peninsula. In that case, a tree brought down a line between Switzerland and Italy, causing other lines nearby to take over the power from the failed line and overload. This caused a blackout for 18 hours that plunged over 55 million people into darkness.

At the beginning of the current blackout, things seemed more or less normal, says Daniel Borrás, head of editorial content at WIRED’s sister publication GQ, who is based in Madrid. “People understood that it would be a couple of hours, or something like that. Now the feeling is a little different because a lot of communities in Spain are recovering step by step. For example, Cataluña, Galicia, and Pais Vasco are more or less working, but in Madrid it’s basically still a complete blackout. A lot of people are in the streets and in the bars and the terraces drinking something and it’s a very quiet mood.”

The main issue where he is, says Borrás, is with people trying to come back into Madrid and finding themselves in terrible traffic because trains aren’t running.

“No one has lost their sense of humor, and people are going out to enjoy some digital disconnection,” says Gustavo. He says he’s on his balcony enjoying a good book and contemplating going out to buy candles. “I’ll need a couple of hours to decide whether I should get lavender vanilla spa or geranium.”

[kickthecanrevolution]

All of the sudden, I’m so busy. It’s bizarre, given I’ve essentially been prone the last 14 months. Surreal. The Kadcyla is absolutely kicking my ass - I just I’m trying to ignore it, but that’s hard to do when I fall asleep sitting down on the couch.

I’m meeting with a good friend tomorrow who’s owned a consulting company for decades. She is going to show me what a statement of work contract looks like how she approaches estimating the amount of time for a project and then creating that proposal. I don’t know any of that and those documents need to be legal in order for those to be contracts that are signed.

I read all of this offer/severance paperwork quite thoroughly today and I have a number of questions about my termination date, cobra - a bunch of stuff. I reached out to our people business partner and asked her to email me with some open windows of time that I can call and get these questions answered. I didn’t hear back but I get it, these people are so busy there’s just never enough support. I’m feeling the pressure of getting these questions answered before I have to notify my manager on my decision by July 07.

I also got my outlet upgraded so the installers are coming back out on Saturday to install the stove. I was freaked out. It wasn’t going to fit, but the electrician said they’re all standard sizes and well it’s tight, it’s going to be fine. The return window is tight as it probably should be and there’s already scratches on the stove from trying to shove it in the first time so it doesn’t work. I’m kind of screwed. It’s going to be fine though. I’m a little nervous about the delivery window, as I I promised BND that I would go to a Lloyd Cole concert he’s hosting at his house this Saturday and he’s freaking out about sudden no-shows so I have to go. A lot of people don’t know who Lloyd Cole is, including me but he’s one of those artists that other artist love and BND is obsessed with him - they’ve struck up a friendship, and this is part of it. Now that I am going to leave, he asked me to housesit for 10 days on the first of August but I’m not going to do it. Short trips only for that.

I bit the bullet and found a dentist. I have a new patient appointment scheduled for July 15, a cleaning and x-rays. I know my teeth are screwed up. I haven’t had a cleaning for years, the dental phobia is so intense but this dentist specializes in that and they already proactively offered nitrous oxide, even for a cleaning! I know I’ve got some additional work in front of me on my teeth, so I want try to get as much done before the termination date. I can do it with the power of drugs. Amen.

In the midst of all of this, I’ve been getting up early around 6:30 AM and walking in Pacifica looking for whales. I did see one breach and it was so beautiful. I get excited every single time. I never get tired it.

I’m having big dreams and some nightmares about this process. I still can’t really believe I’m doing it but more and more. It just feels like the right decision and all of a sudden with this project I’ve got a lot of work ahead.

In the long-term, R and I have a name for our company that we absolutely love. We’re dreaming about certifications we can go and get, curriculum we can build, how we can support nonprofits, lots of things. I have a goal for making enough money to cover my expenses and to pay for my health insurance, but that’s really it – this isn’t going to be a huge moneymaker for me. It’s just a way to have a routine, stay engaged in the world, meet new people, and learn a bunch of new things. I will say, though, the creative wacky part of my brain is so activated – I love philosophy and I started wondering, could I build a leadership development training around different philosophers who’ve made a huge difference in our thinking, both past and present? I had so many ideas at my company. I was just somehow limited in shipping them – I don’t blame anybody for myself for that, it could be that I just need to do this on my own.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

i got in my target number of hours for the week! \o/ and the strategy of aiming for a couple days where work is really my main focus worked really well for me i think both in terms of actually accomplishing that and in terms of like... psychologically helping me feel at peace, freeing up room, etc. gonna try that again this week, aiming for 25 again... probably aiming for 25 until i'm "caught up" on being on track for my weekly goal which is set at an average of 20 and then... well i don't know then what. i was going to say then dropping down to 20 but maybe i want to "bank" some hours [which is kind of nonsensical but in practice would mean banking prep work and/or development hours which are paid], maybe it will depend on where stuff's at with the development project currently in process and also where i am financially and what my student load is... i did have two students this week (one very new, one semi-new) ask to switch to other tutors which is always a bit demoralizing (although the very new one had already switched from someone else so... not sure what she's looking for but i hope i guess that she finds it!). but things should still be fine... i paid my taxes and contributed to my IRA (LOL very funny week to do that "ha ha ha" ok going back to simply not thinking about the little red line) and am not like, broke suddenly, so... it's fine... i'm fine... i can even pay my quarterly estimate this week and i think still be not broke... it's fine. uhhh. anyway. 25 hours. chill.

it continues to be very annoying getting back into the swing of working out after being sick, both for like general habit-reforming reasons and because omg my hamstrings were so mad at me all week after that one leg day... but i did get 4 workouts in which is not the worst even if one of them was a low impact cardio day and another one was my favorite 20 minute full body day i did today just so i could say i got 4 instead of 3 lol. and i did work towards closing my steps gap wrt my annual goal! i am also doing pretty well at flossing which is cool because last year i really failed that one. i'm not reading as much as i want to be but i did finish playing in the dark. i also started, as mentioned previously, i'm glad my mother is dead, which is sooooo good so far (heartbreaking/enraging/etc.), and which i started because i was really struggling with sticking to my no scrolling before 10 policy most days so i decided to bring back Phone Book. it's tough because i actually do have a pretty strong experiential preference for physical books for anything remotely weighty... and i mean i don't actually want to read novels or heavy nonfiction in, like, 5-minute increments waiting for the train. but those snatches of time really do add up and it is better when i am proactive about filling them with something easy enough to dip in and out of that i don't mind reading on a tiny screen. so... easy to read but good nonfiction recs always welcome! i hadn't previously considered celebrity memoirs (which i would not really classify this as exactly but it made me think of them) but maybe i'll go on a kick.

i'm not writing as much as i want to be and it continues to be the toughest thing and the thing also that is hard to work on because i don't have anything i'm super animated about right now - i have stuff i'm sort of vaguely conceptually into but nothing Consuming me which is historically how i have done most of my work lol. i really... really... would like for that not to be the case FOREVER... but cracking that is a work in progress i suppose. i did add a couple hundred words to the (lol) yellowjackets fic which at this point i think is not going to be finished by the finale but which i suppose i have committed myself to finishing... at some point... even though this show sucks so, so bad now that it's literally crazy, i've never seen television go from good to sucking like this before ever. but it's the project i have that's like closest to being done and i just need a win after three months and counting of wheel-spinning.

this week i got really good mexican food with a friend & hung out with a different friend yesterday; this week i have some cute stuff planned too :) tonight i closed out the week by scanning workbook pages by watching the white lotus finale (i had fun!) and the livepod reaction from prestige tv pod. the earliest spring flowers are blooming which is nice to see even though the weather has been frankly pretty fucking horrible! (every year, april in new york somehow gets me... my brain just refuses to process it as a month that is often Still Cold.) i have reached part three of tender is the night which means i am narrowing in on the most sublime bits of writing in the whole thing (and tomorrow or soon i have GOT to post for you all the exchange about rosemary's virginity) and while i have a number of serious or seriousish books on the agenda i think probably next up is going to be the new hunger games prequel lmao. i cannot seem to train myself to go to bed at a reasonable time but while i do think it would be nice to have a consistent wake up time and for it to be earlier than like 10:30 as was the case one day this week it does not seem to be ruining my life at present.

[partisan-by-default]

“With this shuttering came the end of a vital lifeline for millions of people around the world. Children were turned away as they waited in line for tuberculosis vaccines. HIV-positive people suddenly lost access to the daily treatment they need to stay alive. Emergency food aid, already paid for by American taxpayers and shipped to ports around the world, sat undelivered and rotting while its intended recipients went without meals. For just one penny of every dollar in the Federal budget, USAID saved lives. Overnight, those lifelines were extinguished.

Many may ask why this work is important, aside from just being the nice thing to do. Why should we provide food to children in Sudan, when we are having trouble feeding our own children here at home? Why should we provide healthcare to people in other countries, when healthcare is so hard to acquire in the United States? In the end, why should we spend this money on others, when we could spend it on ourselves?

These are valid questions — and they are questions with answers.

First, national security. The safety and security of every single American relies not only on reactive defense, which comes from the Department of Defense; nor only on responsive diplomacy, which comes from the State Department. It relies, too, on proactive care, which until February of this year came primarily from USAID. For example, when we predict and respond to famines, we proactively prevent instability from spreading beyond those borders to our own shores. When we spray for malaria and respond to disease outbreaks like Ebola, we stop those diseases from becoming pandemics that threaten the lives of Americans, too. And when we help other countries build and maintain their democracies, we invest in our own safety: One of the first rules political science students learn is that democracies do not go to war with each other.

Second, when people think of USAID, they think of what it does around the world. But they rarely think of what it does here at home. The truth is that USAID’s development work directly supports the American economy. When active, USAID sourced 41 percent of its humanitarian food aid from American farmers, worth some $2 billion annually. It invested some $1 billion in American small businesses. In fact, the loss of USAID means that U.S. states will lose an estimated $3.34 billion in direct economic benefit. And since 11 of America’s top trade partners were once recipients of USAID, we can anticipate that we will lose billions in future trade revenue, too.

Lastly, the closure of USAID represents what has been described as an extinction-level event for an entire profession that specializes in addressing global economic and health challenges. An estimated 52,000 Americans have lost or will lose their jobs and will have to find employment in other fields — representing an irreplaceable loss for them, and for the world. Most of us were terminated without prior notice, without severance, and without basic access to our files to pull the materials needed to apply for other jobs, like writing samples. We find ourselves in the wholly unexpected position of applying to drive Ubers, bag groceries, or tend bars to make ends meet.

It is important to note that USAID always maintained a significant eye to fraud, waste, and abuse. It is one of the most heavily earmarked agencies in the government, meaning that Congress has to approve more than 90 percent of its funding for very specific projects — often years ahead of time. USAID reports to its own, separate Office of the Inspector General. And just last year, the Agency successfully passed several audits from multiple independent organizations. Given this, it can be confidently said that many of the claims of “wasteful programming” — from rumors that USAID “sent condoms to Gaza,” funded “transgender operas” in Colombia, or personally paid for Chelsea Clinton’s lavish lifestyle — are demonstrably incorrect. This kind of misinformation and, in some cases, disinformation, further threatens not only the Agency’s reputation but also the safety of its workers around the world.

So the closure of USAID — in just two short, unfathomable, and painful weeks — was shortsighted, both for national security and for the prosperity of our nation.”

[govindhtech]

Craig Gidney Quantum Leap: Reduced Qubits And More Reliable

A Google researcher reduces the quantum resources needed to hack RSA-2048.

Google Quantum AI researcher Craig Gidney discovered a way to factor 2048-bit RSA numbers, a key component of modern digital security, with far less quantum computer power. His latest research shows that fewer than one million noisy qubits could finish such a task in less than a week, compared to the former estimate of 20 million.

The Quantum Factoring Revolution by Craig Gidney

In 2019, Gidney and Martin Ekerå found that factoring a 2048-bit RSA integer would require a quantum computer with 20 million noisy qubits running for eight hours. The new method allows a runtime of less than a week and reduces qubit demand by 95%. This development is due to several major innovations:

To simplify modular arithmetic and reduce computing, approximate residue arithmetic uses Chevignard, Fouque, and Schrottenloher (2024) techniques.

Yoked Surface Codes: Gidney's 2023 research with Newman, Brooks, and Jones found that holding idle logical qubits maximises qubit utilisation.

Based on Craig Gidney, Shutty, and Jones (2024), this method minimises the resources needed for magic state distillation, a vital stage in quantum calculations.

These advancements improve Gidney's algorithm's efficiency without sacrificing accuracy, reducing Toffoli gate count by almost 100 times.

Cybersecurity Effects

Secure communications including private government conversations and internet banking use RSA-2048 encryption. The fact that quantum-resistant cryptography can be compromised with fewer quantum resources makes switching to such systems more essential.

There are no working quantum computers that can do this technique, but research predicts they may come soon. This possibility highlights the need for proactive cybersecurity infrastructure.

Expert Opinions

Quantum computing experts regard Craig Gidney's contribution as a turning point. We offer a method for factoring RSA-2048 with adjustable quantum resources to bridge theory and practice.

Experts advise not panicking immediately. Quantum technology is insufficient for such complex tasks, and engineering challenges remain. The report reminds cryptographers to speed up quantum-secure method development and adoption.

Improved Fault Tolerance

Craig Gidney's technique is innovative in its tolerance for faults and noise. This new approach can function with more realistic noise levels, unlike earlier models that required extremely low error rates, which quantum technology often cannot provide. This brings theoretical needs closer to what quantum processors could really achieve soon.

More Circuit Width and Depth

Gidney optimised quantum circuit width (qubits used simultaneously) and depth (quantum algorithm steps). The method balances hardware complexity and computing time, improving its scalability for future implementation.

Timeline for Security Transition

This discovery accelerates the inevitable transition to post-quantum cryptography (PQC) but does not threaten present encryption. Quantum computer-resistant PQC standards must be adopted by governments and organisations immediately.

Global Quantum Domination Competition

This development highlights the global quantum technological competition. The US, China, and EU, who invest heavily in quantum R&D, are under increased pressure to keep up with computing and cryptographic security.

In conclusion

Craig Gidney's invention challenges RSA-2048 encryption theory, advancing quantum computing. This study affects the cryptographic security landscape as the quantum era approaches and emphasises the need for quantum-resistant solutions immediately.