#problemnyatic rambles

[problemnyatic]

When you stop believing that all your political enemies should suffer and die violently, it gets way less scary to be alive and make mistakes btw. When the world you seek to create is one that punishes wrongdoing with violence, you believe that you yourself deserve violence for wrongdoing, and that keeps you scared and agitated, you're more likely to make hasty calls and get defensive when you fuck up.

That, in turn, makes you less safe to approach when you make a mistake that hurts someone. Being confronted with your own errors is analogous to being attacked, as in your mind, wrongdoing begets punishment. This leaves you with two options: either try to minimize your error, which I don't think I need to explain why that's a problem, or skip to the punishment to get it over quickly.

And the latter is kind of fucked up. Why on earth would a friend or, god forbid, a stranger want to see you hurt yourself for them? Or be accused of wanting to hurt you? If someone's telling you you hurt them, it's because they believe you care enough to not want to hurt people. They believe that by telling you, you'll change, and fewer people will be hurt for it. To bring punishment into the equation would be to fly against the very reason they trusted you enough to inform you in the first place.

So please, try to really sink your teeth into abolitionism and restorative justice. It's possible to correct harm and abusive behavior without violence, and especially without fucking killing anyone. You don't need to be scared. You need only let yourself change.

[problemnyatic]

Talor swift is an idol to blind consumption. Every single thing she has ever done wrong, to the Swiftie, exists in one of two states: in a vaccuum, where it can be individually excused, like every other flaw, crime, and indiscretion, or as a measuring stick by which one criticizes other people.

You're not supposed to think critically about her. You're supposed to "let people enjoy things" (read: mindlessly consume). You're supposed to let a girlboss stay winning. You're supposed to let feminism exist not as a complex political movement with principles and ideas, but as a thought-terminating cliché wherein women are ontologically good, and their success, no matter what we define as "success" or how she has achieved it, must, MUST be celebrated. She is to be revered, blindly worshipped, and all support of her must be excused, because, you see, the point isn't to think, the point isn't to have principles, or standards, or anything. The point is to consume. Consume her music, consume her fame, consume her image, the fiction of her as a hardworking creative, consume idolotry and consume congradulations for consuming a woman's consumer goods.

Feminism is when you support a woman's capital. Feminism is when you consume a woman's products. Feminism is when you blindly enable powerful white women to skip the consequences of whatever the hell she pleases on the basis of being a woman. Feminism is when you blindly consume a billionaire's capital empire, because she's a woman. Just let people enjoy things, you're a feminist, and she's a woman. What more could you possibly want? Stop thinking so hard, spoilsport. Just let me consume.

I wanna say from very bottom of my heart that I deeply truly rabidly despise Taylor Swift and the glamorous black hole of immorality, gracelessness and lack of integrity she represents. I truly hate that I have to witness her 2-chord mediocre stream of consciousness high school ballads win the highest accolades in music. I hate how there's not a single discourse - from sports to fucking queer theory - that's free of her. I hate her white feminism, how she's never stood for a single thing that didn't ensure her wealth. I hate how she's credited and praised for things marginalised artists did before her. I hate how she latches onto new artists so they serve HER fame, like remoras to a shark. I hate her phony humble beginnings narrative that people parrot without acknowledging she's a nepo baby. I hate what she did to olivia rodrigo and how no one talks about it. I hate the waste her concerts, lifestyle, and merch create and that a young girl died from heat illness at her concert because the swift team prioritises exclusivity and profit over safety. I hate how she and her fandom popularised the idea that critiquing a woman = misogyny. I hate how she's in her mid 30s and still writes songs like she's a teenager and that songs written by a woman in her 30s acting like a teenager are inescapable. I hate she deliberately re-releases songs and records so other artists can't chart. I hate how she regularly and openly associates with bigoted people but somehow is always given the benefit of the doubt. Most of all I hate how she does and continues to do all of this and so much more and her fans will always have a, "but!" always have an, "anyway!". she's openly and uncritically supporting a presidential candidate who's administration is enacting genocide, but because she made a joke with her cats, we're meant to be like, "yay!" I truly despise Taylor Swift and the black hole of neoliberal white feminist mediocrity she is in popular culture.

[queentexxx]

I posted 617 times in 2021

170 posts created (28%)

447 posts reblogged (72%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.6 posts.

I added 654 tags in 2021

#rb - 300 posts

#pro ship safe - 69 posts

#pro ship - 50 posts

#asks - 46 posts

#rambling - 42 posts

#anti anti - 40 posts

#personal - 35 posts

#antis dni - 32 posts

#lovely anons - 23 posts

#antis tw - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 117 characters

#if you're gonna harrass minors (in which case you are a piece of shit) at least don't be a fucking hypocrite about it

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Antis really out here putting "proshippers dni" on there spotify playlists like they fuckin own a bunch of songs in a certain order smh my head

84 notes • Posted 2021-12-09 04:18:41 GMT

#4

I found a site to make text gifs and i may or may not have,, gotten a bit carried away lol

Honestly if you wanna use them for anything go for it, credit apprieciated but not required

See the full post

86 notes • Posted 2021-12-12 06:09:47 GMT

#3

Guys he said it himself.

86 notes • Posted 2021-02-28 19:47:54 GMT

#2

Scout facts 😳

122 notes • Posted 2021-09-14 07:23:07 GMT

#1

catboy proshipper call him problemnyatic

150 notes • Posted 2021-11-05 02:55:49 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[problemnyatic]

making fun of other people due to second-hand embarassment is the mind-killer. It is the mentality of the channer, it is the progenator of cringe culture. You will not ridicule those who give you second-hand embarassment. You will consider the fullness of other people's lives and the expansive possibilities for what may explain their behavior before painting a demeaning picture of them in your mind.

You will not become the high-school bully you were forced to endure growing up. You will not seek the power once wielded against you to now wield it against others. You will be better than the people who hurt you. You will choose to heal yourself instead of hurting others to mirror your pain.

You will examine your impulses and knee-jerk reactions and interrogate their impact and their reasoning. You will sit with yourself and be vulnerable with the uncomfortable truths you find in doing so. You will be honest with yourself about what is reasonable, about what is hurtful. You will choose to forgive yourself, and you will resolve to do better.

You will not belittle others out of second-hand embarassment.

[problemnyatic]

Was gonna put this in tags but I don't wanna hide it in there actually. the correct answer to ''I am nonbinary'' is not ''is it boy flavored or girl flavored'' it's ''cool! wanna play toys with me?''

If your conception of queerness requires anyone, let alone nonbinary folks, to conform to a certain set of prescribed gender roles for a given label to apply to them, then it is fundamentally broken and you need ask yourself why you think anyone's identity needs to adhere to an external set of expectations at all, let alone to be "valid" or "allowed".

The human experience is more diverse than anything any one person can fully understand. Identity is not a rational thing with a strict logic that it adheres to. It's emotional. It's a feeling, it's one's sense of self. Nobody else can define what that can or cannot be, is or is not, than the one whose sense of self it is. It doesn't even make sense to think otherwise; no one else is in your head but you (or y'all for my systems out there).

It is a futile, self-defeating, distracting endeavor to try and define the language of queerness such that all words have a rigid definition that simply have no exceptions due to being Perfectly Correct And Concise. It is a sign of unexamined internal bigotry to assume that a given person will be predisposed to a particular behavior due to their identity or circumstances of birth, and it is a mishandling of your trauma to declare an entire identity unsafe to have in your presence because you find it triggering.

the gender binary as we know it is simply two points in an endlessly expansive space, with uncountable dimensions to it. Attempting to restrict the language of queerness to be relative to those two particular points will always be, in essence, an exercise in making the gender binary a default from which all else deviates- it is an exercise in forcing all of queerness to revolve round it. This is always a regressive way of thinking.

And just to make clear that no, i do not in fact piss on the poor, this is, of course, not to say that anyone's identity aligning with masculinity and/or femininity is somehow meaningless, or a bad thing. This is to say that nobody's identity requires the gender binary to be relevant to it, whether or not you think it "makes sense."

Someone else's identity, at the end of the day, is simply not your business and whether or not you can wrap your head around it has nothing to do with whether it exists. Quantum physics exists whether or not you understand it, lightning still strikes whether or not you know why. Words between strangers have been spoken in rooms you've never heard of, and yet that conversation still happened, still mattered, to the ones present. And my identity, whether or not you "get it," still exists precisely as it is.

You can do whatever you want forever. And so can everyone else.

now can we please just fucking play toys together?

Really hate that the queer community's response to the creation of a gender trinary (girl, boy, and nonbinary) was to... reinvent the binary. We just started grouping all genders into "masc/male-aligned" and "fem/female-aligned" and it's so fucking stupid. Even with the occasional allowance of "neutral/unaligned" it still maintains the binary as the standard. And then they don't let you use certain labels if you don't have the "right" gender alignment. The fuck.

[problemnyatic]

I've said it before and I will keep saying it until the gods themselves strike me down together, but dehumanizing groups of people you find unpleasant or reprehensible will neve be a progressive tool, ever. You need to understand that by using a tool, you are validating its use by saying "You can do this, if you justify it hard enough." You put it on the table, for anyone at your table to use.

No matter what groups you name or how you define them, that definition can and will be expanded to allow others with their own agendas to justify using that tool on others. And just to make sure y'all fucking get me, I'm gonna say it straight.

Get the fuck over the pedophile scare. Get over it. It's a conservative rhetorical tool designed to shut off critical thinking by weaponizing your disgust, outrage, protective instincts, and righteous anger against you. It doesn't matter what you mean when you say "pedophile" or anything else that means the same thing, those with political power are classifying inconvenient minorities, primarily queer people, primarily trans women, primarily people of color, as pedophiles.

You need to put down your bloodlust and you need to love victims more than you hate abusers. You need to set your disgust aside and figure out how to let even the worst of us be human beings, too. You need to stop letting "think of the children" whip you up into a righteous frenzy, and you need to recognize that authoritarian methods are bad because they infringe on human freedoms, not because the wrong people are trying to use them, not because they're being used for the wrong ends.

There's no "right" way to use authoritarian methods. By using them, you legitimize their use to meet any ends one deems "worth it," and you need to recognize that not everyone thinks like you and shares your feelings, even on stuff that feels so obvious as to not even warrant consideration to you. So other people will find other things "worth" being authoritarian over, and by making space to employ authoritarian tactics like censorship and policing, you are making space for those tactics to be used at all, and that will be abused.

The world is scary and on fire and full of apocalyptic injustices left and right, I know. I'm angry too, angrier than I can put to words. But there are better ways to address that outrage, healthier outlets, safer, more constructive tools. We can't fix things by using the same methods that got us into this mess. We need to make something better, by trying something better. Otherwise all we accomplish is creating the same world that ruined us with a fresh coat of paint and a sparkly new name.

[problemnyatic]

the thing is they realy have turned much of society into this twisted game where politeness and productivity matter more than literal life or death. And the only winning move really is not to play. Not as in "simply do not participate in society," that's stupid. But you gotta stop taking these rules for granted as though the sheer force they command over our lives is its own justification for what these ideas are and why they're so insisted upon.

You don't need to be likeable to deserve your basic human needs and rights to be met. Being brought into this world isn't a decision we make for ourselves, therefore our place in it must not be something we have to "earn." I believe in lying in the beds you make, but "being alive" is not one of those beds.

You don't need to let other people tell you what your value is. You don't need to please anyone to deserve your basic humanity respected. But at the same time, nobody owes you more than an honest chance. Not everyone will like you, and that's okay. It has to be, because it's inevitable. We can't keep spending our lives holding out on enjoyment and pleasure just in case it's "unearned," we only know for sure we have one life, live it!!

This doesn't mean acting carelessly at others' expense, either. You have to be fucking nice even when you don't understand someone. But it's the golden rule, right? Show the kindness you expect from others, not necessarily by giving them the specific things you wish you had, but by giving other people room to be themselves, and accommodating them.

I don't know. I'm sick of pride and insecurity being the two main things people behave on behalf of. I'm sick of everyone trying to control everyone else. Everybody's miserable and if we all stopped trying to be In Charge and instead started, idfk, trying to actually be there for one another and patient and open-minded, maybe there'd be more places to turn when the world goes tits up.

[problemnyatic]

"But those are my religious beliefs!" Well, sorry to break it to you, but something being sacred to you does not actually make it less fallible. If your religion tells you to see others' beliefs as lesser or something you need to rescue them from (because they do not align with your own) then your religion is telling you to be a bad person.

If your religion is telling you to be dismissive of others right to self-determination, right to bodily autonomy, or right to faith in other religions or beliefs, your religion is telling you to be a bad person. If your religion is telling you to fear everyone who is not a part of your religion, it's probably a cult, and you should start questioning it. If your religion encourages you to convert others, especially by providing for the needy on the condition that they engage in your religious practices, it encourages scummy, exploitative behavior.

Something being a religious belief does not preclude it from being scummy, abusive, exploitative, harmful, bigoted, or bad in some other general or particular way. The intent behind something does not absolve you of the consequences those actions, beliefs, or behviors have.

After all, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[problemnyatic]

mythologizing abuse as this horrible thing that only evil, malicious Abusers do to Innocent Victims is a really, really dangerous way of thinking. You have to recognize that anyone is capable of causing harm, and that it is possible to address it and improve as a person after hurting someone.

This idea that harm is an Evil Act that comes from Bad People, or makes someone a Bad Person is a black and white framing that makes it incredibly difficult to actually address harm, and actually winds up protecting abusers.

Because that's just not how it works. It's not an accurate model of reality. So subscribing to it gives you some dangerous blind spots; you won't be looking for signs of abuse or harm from someone you believe to be a Good Person, and the people around you are very likely to be afraid to actually communicate with you when a line is crossed for fear of being made out to be a Bad Person.

Abuse is something you do, not something you are. It has nothing to do with who the individuals are, it's a description of the impact certain kinds of actions have on someone else. The idea that believing something bad or doing something hurtful defines something intrinsic to the person in question creates an environment where it is impossible to grow or change into someone who no longer does those things or believes those ideas; you've condemned that person as someone Inherently Bad, what's the point of trying to improve if nobody will give them the benefit of the doubt?

And, more to the point of what I want to get across here, thinking like this is unbelievably stressful. It puts you on constant eggshells forever - cross the wrong line, and you mark yourself as A Bad Person, someone deserving of punishment, vitriol, rejection, every and any hostility one might see fit to throw at you. It's fucking terrifying, you wind up believing that any mistake could be your undoing, that you have to do no wrong, have to convince others that you've done no wrong, that you're a Good Person, not someone who hurts others.

But that's the thing. Nobody's perfect, it's impossible to be. You can't know everything before it happens, you'll never have all the context for something before having to make a decision. Inevitably, you will cross a line, violate a boundary, realize something you were taught about the world is actually bigotry, and that you never questioned it until now. And you will have to reconcile with that. You need to be prepared to face that reality, again and again, at any moment, for the rest of your life.

Far more often than anyone wants to admit, abuse isn't a product of malice or hatred, it's a byproduct of someone well-intentioned who for one reason or another has a mental block keeping them from prioritizing someone else's needs and wellbeing as necessary. They behave in ways that hurt and shut down their victim because they can't wrap their head around the fact that that's what's going on, that they're hurting someone. Or if they do, they don't believe that there's a way to avoid it, or fix it, or change.

The mythologized model of the Evil Abuser who hurts the Innocent Victim because they're a Bad Person is more likely to create that exact kind of mental block than it is to protect anyone from harm. It makes every mistake the end, a personal apocalypse that collapses the situation around your feelings rather than addressing the harm done. It's dangerous.

Let go of the idea of Good People and Bad People. We're all just people, and we're gonna hurt each other sometimes. It doesn't need to be anything more than that. You can apologize, and try to change. You can be imperfect and still worth loving. If someone asserts otherwise, that says more about them than it does about you.

[problemnyatic]

Unfriendly reminder that there will always be more to gain by fighting systems of oppression than each other.

Yes, I am aware that internalized bigotry exists and is a real problem we need to fight. But I think we would all make more headway on that particular front, as well as in general, if we accept that the boot on our necks is a bigger problem than who's getting more cookie crumbs than the other.

I've been through the fucking wringer at the hands of my fellow queers. Believe me when I say that I fucking get how much it fucks you up to be mistreated by your own community. But I fucking promise you, there is nothing to be gained by divvying up the gallows and saying that your side is the one who's suffering is more legitimate.

Yes, the wounds we leave on each other in our ignorance, in our hurt, in lashing out, in our internalized bigotries, they matter. They are important, and we need to hold each other to a high standard of compassion for each other and accountability. But that will never, ever mean creating subdivisions of our community for purposes of sorting each other into abusers and victims.

We are all victims.

Infighting will only serve to weaken our community, make it difficult to organize, make it easier for our oppressors to fuck us over, and leave more goddamn fucking wounds we need to dress.

Yeah, that shit he said about trans women was really fucked up. We need to work on that. Yeah, that shit she said about trans men wasn't fucking okay. She needs to do better.

Kiss and Make. Up. We have bigger enemies than each other.

No more fucking profiling. No more categorizing each other into teams. We're individuals with baggage and no one individual acting on a bias speaks or acts on behalf of the entire demographic they're a part of. Even the most bitter enemies in the queer community, hell, any leftist community, have more in common with each other than they do with the oligarchs running our planet and our lives into the dirt.

The real enemies are only unreachable if we're picking the battles we have with each other instead of the bigger ones we share.

[problemnyatic]

You will never create a circumstance under which it is so risky to do something that nobody will ever try to. People don't even hold off on trying things that will straight up kill them if they fuck up, like, with physics or electricity or chemistry or some shit - things you can't negotiate with.

This is why the threat of violence or punishment isn't the way to create social safety. As long as someone thinks they can get away with it, your threats won't do shit to stop them from actually doing it, they'll just try to keep you from knowing, or from considering it a violation of The Rules.

This is one of the endless number of reasons why we say you have to love victims more than you hate abusers. "Kill all pedophiles" is never gonna stop CSA from happening. You have to actually make it easy for victims to self-advocate, to escape their abuse without consequences.

This requires types of work and effort that aren't violence, and oftentimes isn't even rewarding. Like research, understanding the power dynamics that make abuse possible (or at least convenient) and working to dismantle them, allowing victims access to support and community and resources unconditionally, that means even if you don't like them or if they're being difficult. At the very, very least, it means not getting in the way of the people that are doing those things, even if you disagree with them.

Things like abuse and trauma and recovery aren't about what's comfortable or satisfying. They're about the reality of what works and what doesn't. They're about being able to take things as they are and adapting your worldview when presented with new information even if it conflicts with your comfort or personal beliefs.

[problemnyatic]

if someone is trying to teach you something (especially if you have fucking asked them to), please for the love of god make an effort to open your mind and welcome their explanation in good faith. Double check to make sure your follow-up questions are not already answered by what they've already explained, try to bring the same level of effort to learn and change your thinking as they are in to trying to teach you.

"Being taught" is not just a passive thing, where someone with information simply drags you from your current understanding to a new understanding. It is an activity, something you can actively engage with. And this is an extremely necessary skill to develop in an age of indoctrination, propaganda, and misinformation.

It can be confusing to be presented with information that seems to conflict with your current understanding of something, but please, learn to sit with your confusion without allowing it to block your intake of new information until it is sated. It's difficult, I know, I'm autistic, I know. But it's a skill that can be learned.

Meet your educators' energy, bring an effort to learn, allow your understanding to be wrong and be corrected, practice dialectical thinkinking and allowing two seemingly conflicting things to coexist via nuance. Sometimes things are not so simple as strict definitions and well-defined lines.

[problemnyatic]

maybe internet leftism would be more effective if so much of it wasn't framed in this sneering, shame-on-you language that seems mote intent on guilting people for not being leftist enough than actually extending an understanding hand to people who people who, believe it or not, do actually realize that something is deeply wrong with society despite not being Properly Enlightened And Educated on All Of Leftist Theory as to why.

Yeah, we all post the You Are Not Immune To Propaganda jpeg, but do you still have an internal threshold of propaganda exposure by which others stop being human to you? Do you write off anyone who doesn't already understand the things you do as stupid? Do you understand that to create a genuinely far-reaching movement, you need to be willing to reach people that are substantially different than you and meet them on their level?

Yeah you believe everyone deserves human rights, but do you actually respect the differences in life experince you'll face when engaging with people outside your circle of theory-reading leftists?

And just to be excruciatingly clear: none of these are rhetorical questions. None of these are accusations, and if your response to these questions is to get defensive rather than to self-reflect on whether your practices reflect your principles, I urge you to then ask yourself if your desire to create effective change is being impeded by your apparent need to feel like a "good leftist".

I really, really get feeling frustrated with the world, with how fucking many people seem content to just buy propaganda, with how frustrating and exhausting it is to walk people through the baby steps of what feels like having a very basic grasp of reality. Your outrage is justified and your feelings are very real and deserve to be respected. I'm not here to tone police people expressing their very real anger and grief at the horrible ways global imperialism is hurting us all.

My point here is that, when your goal is to actually inspire others to seek further education on leftist matters, to actually increase the total amount of leftism in the world, you need to be asking yourself if the methods you are using are actually effective. It can feel excruciating to be patient when the world is already so on fire, but you can't just shame people into not needing to be met on their level. It demonstrably does not work, and will work against all of us if the impression you're giving others is that leftism is the mean, scary option even to people who genuinely mean well and want to do better.

I see so many posts rightfully trashing on the widespread culture in the US and beyond of teachers and authority figures simply punishishing people who don't know what they're expected to yet, instead of actually teaching them. I see so many posts on here about how it's okay to need to learn life skills you were never taught. Why does this seem to evaporate when it comes to teaching others leftist theory? That's not rhetorical either, please, really, genuinely ask yourself this question, let it sit with you for a long time.

I know how urgent it is to get people to come around. I'm panicking too. I'm angry, and I'm frustrated, and I'm dumbfounded at how long its taking so many folks to get a fucking grip on what's so broken about society. But I understand that the assertion that the answers should be obvious does nothing to change the fact that, to so many people, to enough people, it isn't. That we need to meet them on their level, with kindness, if we're to get them on our side. Leftism starts at home. It starts with your personal relationships, how you treat others when it's inconvenient and difficult.

Leftism starts with kindness.

[problemnyatic]

Conservatism is an inherently insecure mindset, and I'm so over it. How pathetic do you have to be to believe that other people being allowed to exist and live in dignity is enough to annihilate your "culture?" How fucking scared do you have to be to think that not being allowed the right to violence against any person or idea that doesn't specifically empower specifically you and people like you is going to destroy you?

Yeah, reality doesn't care about your feelings. That's why you can't be digging your heels into your worldview, measuring the validity of all information ou take in by how much it confirms your preexisting biases and beliefs. The world, the laws of nature, biology, all of it is so much weirder than you think. If you can't allow yourself to change your views when presented with new information, then you're going to be left behind, because the universe could not give less of a fuck if you think that something is "stupid" or "impossible" or "disgusting," or even "dangerous," the world will keep on fuckin' spinning whether or not you agree with its lifestyle.

I'm just so over it, man. Grow the fuck up and face the fact that the world you live in isn't the one you were told exists. It's scary and it'll mean you have to be wrong, or have been the bad guy, or be embarassed sometimes. It'll mean acknowledging that the world is so much bigger and, yes, definitionally more diverse than you realized, or want it to be, or think it should be, and you're just gonna have to fucking deal with it.

The world isn't about you. Other people's lives aren't your business and it's not your place to dictate how other people should live. You're just one person in a world of billions. It gets so much less upsetting and scary to live in it when you stop telling yourself that everyone who lives in a way you don't like is somehow a threat.

This doesn't mean letting people be assholes without consequences, it means realizing that you do not have special permission to be an asshole to other people because you're "right" and they're "a freak." It means realizing that your religious beliefs and your ideas of morality are not, and should not be, universal. It means going "huh.. guess I learned something new" instead of "that's bullshit, real life doesn't work like that" when you're presented with ideas that conflict with your beliefs. It means shutting the fuck up and just being uncomfortable in silence, sometimes, because sometimes in life you're just gonna be made uncomfortable, and that's not actually an act of violence against you, even and especially if the thing you're uncomfortable with is someone else's body.

It's never too late to change, and it's not shameful to have work left to do on changing. It's not shameful to be wrong, and it's not shameful to still be in progress. That's just what life is. Stop being so scared to show evidence of being only human; flawed, fallible, limited. The other 8 billion of us are in the same boat. You could just appreciate the solidarity and connection of it, if you wanted, you just have to stop trying to make it "your" boat.

[problemnyatic]

some if you folks think everybody has a soul that when you die separates from your body, and it will always have a shape and a color that is your True Self, and it is the same no matter when you die, and you can tell what those traits will be for others' souls based on how you percieve them. And it shows.

I think The Self is a fluid thing that grows and changes both as a product of its own will and in response to the environment in which it resides. I think the ways in which we grow around ourselves and our experiences are the things that make us who we are, and while inextricable to whatever those things were, or are, I think it's more important to allow the contents and qualia of "the soul" to be fluid, not just for ourselves but for others especially; things will come and go whether we like it or not, and only we will remain - fighting it outright is a fool's errand and a waste of energy.

This is not to say I'm dissentimental. If anything, this makes it all the easier to hold onto the things you value most - not only does it save your energy for the most crucial things you must fight entropy for, but it allows you to come, and go, and return to many things with less effort and less grief. It also enables forgiveness, as we no longer calcify our views of self and other with every pain and failure. Pain comes and goes. Anger, too. But we can learn from them, and not only better avoid repeating them, but learn to heal from them again, should it be necessary (which it often is).

[problemnyatic]

having autism is crazy because I'll just be watching undertale's data.win file as converted into video and audio (which produces harsh noise and rapid flashing colors because That's Not What This Data Is Supposed To Do) and then I'll get distracted, think about something that upsets me, and then I can't go back to it. Like sorry, Data.win Undertale... but the mood is ruined now.. your beautiful images and serenade of harsh digital screeches sparks not the same joy, with this dark cloud over me... I will return for you, some day. I miss you