#proud of myself for making something. even a sketch

[lamaery]

Hello! I just saw your zosan art and it was fabulous so I immediately had to follow you. I really love your art style, so I wanted to ask about your experience with art. How much do you typically draw? Did you start young or when you were older? Do you have any formal art education under your belt? Also, do you have any tips for artists who are just starting out? (Or more broadly, for artists with less experience than you?) And finally, how do you usually start an art piece? I know this is a lot of questions, so if it's too much, just answer some. Or don't answer any at all, I'll understand! Once again, I really love your art and I hope you have a great day/night ♥️♥️♥️

Hi, thank you for your sweet message. Er, I think I draw a lot but, not necessarily everyday? (I love my sketchbook.) I started doing it once I could hold a pen and it just became a thing I do. For fun, out of boredom, for reflexion, for relaxation, for connecting what's in my head and what's around me. Put a pen in my general vicinity and I will eventually start scribbling. I have a Bachelor and Master Degree in Illustration and work as a freelancer. So I draw a lot for that and it is great, but doing it for myself feeds my soul. Even if it is silly. Especially if it is silly. Tips for making art... hmm. It is always a bit difficult giving general advice for that. Do what feels interesting to you. Have fun. Making a lot of art will help you to become better, but it doesn't have to be a tedious training process. So you can be as curious and playful with it as it fits you. Art isn't about making something in the correct way, but learning and understanding what you are doing. How does the human body work? How can I express this feeling? How do I make an intriguing and beautiful composition? There are many ways to answer questions like these and your answers can be entirely your own. To find them you got to try out a lot of things and make a lot of art. A lot of mediocre art, I might say. Stuff that is bad, stuff that is just meh. But that's really okay as long ever so often you make something that you feel really proud of, that makes you happy in that moment. Find people that will be happy with you about your art. Who can tell you what they like about it, what they think what is good about it, but also what doesn't work yet. Getting good feedback is incredibly helpful. It doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything someone else, even if they are more experienced but it helped me to hone my sense when to change and try out new thing and when to I want to stand firm on my creative decision. It is why I am glad, that I studied. But also a lot for communities online in which I shared my stuff. We can challenge us, motivate us, inspire us, share our joy.

So, I hope this wasn't too general and cheesy. :D Now where do I start an art piece. An idea? A feeling? Sometimes just a line on paper. A sketch. Usually for more complicated stuff. Deciding where I want to put what and to get a grip on the feel I want which then start to refine bit by bit.

Hope this helps. :D For more specific art questions feel always free to ask, although I can never guarantee a fast reply.

[skullsemi]

Finally managed to draw something, and it's movie night with the goofs!

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Positively mind-blowing!! ❤️‍🔥🤯❤️‍🔥

[[💜❤️‍🔥Click for higher quality! Tag list as well as the initial sketch will be under the cut. All reblogs are seen and appreciated!! ❤️‍🔥💜]]

@absentmoon @ava-ships @bee-ships @beetleboyfriend @berryshipbasket @canongf @cloudyvoid @derelictdumbass @dissonantyote @edencantstopfallininlove @final-catboy @flabbergasting @gible-love-nibles @flowering-darkness @hirayarts @hoppinkiss @hotrodharts @hyperionshipping @iwishihadfangs @iyamifucker @judetama-moved @lex-n-weegie @lficanthaveloveiwantpower @little-miss-selfships @little-shiny-sharpies @loogi-selfships @mandrakebrew @mintpecks @mothfinite @mrs-kelly @nameless-self-ships @nerdstreak @orbitingaroundyourlove @paper-carnation @p-i-t-s @qilinkisser @reds-self-ships @rexscanonwife @rotten--cotton @spacestationstorybook @squips-ship @ship-trek @toogayforthistoday @winterworlds

[cintipede]

happy yuri milestone.... some thoughts in the tags

[dualitysdownfall]

i have a tendency to reblog posts about promoting one's own art and/or the importance of reblogging art, onto my art blog, as a sort of "wink wink nudge nudge i do have followers on this blog don't i" kind of thing

but whenever i do that, it feels as if people pay more attention to that than to my art

i know that's not literally true, i'm sure the note count does not actually rival or surpass a new art post, it only feels like a note spike because that blog posts so infrequently and therefore its activity is usually flat line, and reblogging the post made there Be Something There For People To Interact with

i guess it irks me anyway because i reblog it with the intent of "hey, look at the message of this post and where it is right now, mind giving my blog a scroll and maybe hitting a couple of green buttons" but it doesnt really work that way because people just see it in their dash. i constantly be reblogging shit with little if any awareness of which person i follow that i'm getting it from.

i just wish there was a way to be like, "hey, please give my art some attention, i work hard on this shit and it feels like there's at most about a classroom's worth--if that!--of people who care enough to show it to folks" without literally just being the annoying pushy attention-seeking bitch on the dashboard that's like "just fucking reblog my shit"

[autism-corner]

i <3 images

[neverendingford]

.

[ducksido]

OMGGGGG I WANT NOW THIS[i am still not fed enough]. Yuu is an artist but no one likes their art:((( but their art is rlly good like realistically and it has meanings the art is like this:

Some of them as beautiful and maybe like showing their idk power, they draw them beautiful and make an au's drawing a traditional clothing on them from our world or in their dorm uniforms idk AGHHH I just want it, you can take houswardens+Ace and Deuce and Jamil PLS...

I wnat Ace and Deuc as having swords like drawing them as knights?!?!? You can make it romantically if u wanna 😙 it will juts make it interesting lol.

Yuu paints in silence.

Not because they want to be alone—but because the world makes them feel as though their silence is more welcome than their voice.

Their art is painstaking. Realistic. Expressive. Each brushstroke is a love letter and a lament. They do not simply “draw the boys of Night Raven College”—they immortalize them. Elevate them to something more than students. More than dorm leaders. They turn them into gods, warriors, ghosts of a past that never was.

But no one cares.

They walk past the canvases with flat eyes, say, “Kinda creepy, don't you think?” or “Looks nothing like me.”

Only a few look closer. Only a few ever wonder why Yuu captured them that way.

Ace & Deuce – The Knights of Heart

Yuu's painting shows them not in their school uniforms, but in armor—each with a sword of gleaming steel. Deuce’s posture is rigid, proud, noble. Ace’s smirk peeks from behind his raised sword, always cocky, always two steps away from reckless.

In the background, a cracked chessboard floor and red rose petals falling like blood.

No one asked for this AU. But Yuu needed it.

A story where Ace and Deuce are sworn to protect a crownless royal—Yuu themself. Their loyalty goes unspoken in reality. But in the painting, it's sacred.

Ace scoffs at the piece when he sees it.

“What, you got a crush on us or something?”

But he goes very, very quiet the next day when he finds a smaller sketch tucked under his textbook: it’s the same knight AU, but this time... he and Deuce are standing in front of a ruined castle, holding Yuu’s hand.

Deuce blushes for two whole days straight and keeps the original version in his notebook. Pressed flat. Hidden from everyone but him.

Riddle – The Crimson Law

In Yuu’s art, Riddle isn’t a boy.

He’s a blood-stained monarch atop a throne of roses, a crown broken in half and still worn like a badge of defiance. His scepter burns with red magic. His expression? Cold. Regal. Lonely.

He sees it once. Scoffs.

“You really think that’s how I see myself?”

Yuu only shrugs. “It’s how I see you.”

He never compliments it. But he comes back to stare at it... more than once. When no one is watching.

Leona – The Sleeping Beast King

Leona is painted like a lion-headed war god emerging from golden dust, his cloak shredded by sandstorms, eyes sharp like obsidian.

He doesn’t say anything when he sees it. Just grunts.

But he doesn’t look away.

What he doesn’t know is that Yuu drew the background after seeing him asleep under a tree. Not peaceful. Not lazy. Just tired in a way the world never lets him rest.

Later, a folded canvas appears on Yuu’s bed—Leona painted them back. Sleeping on his shoulder. They never speak about it.

Azul – The Bargain Prince Beneath the Sea

Yuu’s painting shows Azul surrounded by glass contracts floating midair like jellyfish. His eyes are bright with desperation, pride, and fear all at once. Tentacles curl around his ankles like a curse.

He’s underwater. Alone.

Azul laughs when he sees it, a too-tight sound. “That’s dramatic.”

But he doesn’t deny it. He even keeps a print of it in the VIP room. Framed. Hidden.

Kalim – The Gold-Sunned Joybringer

He’s dancing, arms open, light spilling from his chest like a sun cracked open. His jewelry glints like hope, and behind him is a swirling crowd of faceless figures. He’s trying to reach one in the center—Yuu, small and shadowed.

It’s beautiful. Glowing. Sad.

Kalim beams when he sees it. “You made me look like a storybook hero!”

But when he realizes he’s not the focus, when he sees Yuu in the background reaching back... he tilts his head.

He doesn’t ask. But he thinks about it.

Jamil – The Coiled Cobra

He’s shown with a cobra at his side, dressed in black with red eyes gleaming. His hands are controlling puppet strings, but he himself is tangled in invisible chains.

It’s regal. And painful.

He doesn’t speak when he sees it. Just stares. Then asks quietly,

“Why did you paint me like this?”

Yuu replies, “Because you deserve to be known.”

He never says more. But he starts leaving fruit near Yuu’s studio after that.

Vil – The Poisoned Beauty

In the painting, Vil is mid-transformation—one hand clutching a crown, the other bleeding from a thorny rose. His reflection in a mirror is shattered, each shard showing him at different ages—child, teen, adult.

Each face screams not enough.

He stares at it for a long time.

“You’ve seen too much,” he says softly.

But he doesn’t deny it. He touches the edge of the canvas like it’s glass, and sighs.

Idia – The Fire Beneath Ashes

He is painted not as he is, but as he could be. Hair not blue but flaming orange, cloaked in stars, eyes burning like collapsed galaxies. He’s alone in a digital void—codes swirling, emotions raw.

Yuu writes under the painting: “Your silence is not your curse. It’s your sword.”

He panics when he sees it. But he steals it. Gone in a day.

Malleus – The Prince of Forgotten Legends

He stands in a field of ruins, thorns growing from the stones, wings unfurled. In one hand: a withered crown. In the other: a child’s drawing of a castle and three friends holding hands. Lightning arcs in the sky.

He doesn’t say a word.

Just smiles, for once, with sorrow and warmth. “You see the old stories too.”

He asks Yuu to draw another version—one where the castle is rebuilt.

Yuu paints in silence still.

But slowly... small glimmers return. A flower left on their palette. A quietly scribbled thank you on their sketchbook cover. A printout of their art—taped to a dorm wall where no one will see.

They were never painting for praise.

But now, at least, they are seen.

[3-aem]

Since I was a kid, talking 5 or 6, my parents always told me it would be impossible to make a career in art and I remember thinking why can’t I be the exception? Why can’t you just support me and help me get there? I remember feeling on a gut level, that I had it in me I just needed the practice and investment.

To their credit they did initially support it. Until of course, they felt I had gotten too invested in my Sunday art class, and pulled me from enrollment.

Art was then something I did in secret, something I learned to feel ashamed of. I’d shove my drawings behind the couch to hide them. Lie about the time spent on art assignments. Feel shame at how only my art teachers ever had compliments for my work. But after I failed to get into the international baccalaureate program - a status symbol, I still woke up to my father ripping pages out of a notebook I had been sketching in, calling every single one trash.

Laughably, my dreams went from artist to animator to architect and finally settled on what could only make my parents proud - engineer. Each step a concession to their concerns until there was nothing left to concede.

“I’ve seen other peoples work, yours is nothing to even compare. You wouldn’t have gotten in.” Was all that was said after I submitted my final university applications.

Of course, after years of being forbidden to practice, of not receiving any support to pursue it, of course it was nothing to compare.

A topic that has come up a lot lately in my therapy sessions is this negativity I still feel towards art. If I feel bad that week due to poor engagement, I also feel shame at the loss of focus and misplaced priorities.

If I look at my work and think this is just awful, I then beat myself up not just for failing to make a good piece but for wasting time and for even caring about something like that. When art is useless why waste time trying to make it better.

But someone I met recently asked me why I didn’t quit my job right then and pursue this full-time.

I explained there were many reasons actually. The sense of instability I experience being one. Feeling beholden to the whims of an algorithm and a crowd terrifies me.

However, internally I felt disgust at their suggestion.

Today I realize, that perhaps at the bottom of all this shame, hatred, and loathing is grief. Grief that in the end my parents were right. That I couldn’t pursue this path. That try as I have, I squandered and missed.

I think I will never be allowed this. And it angers me. And it saddens me. Still I keep trying still I keep moving forward. Still I feel shame still I resist.

The same person then asked why all that mattered.

“I know how a true artist thinks and works, and I know myself. And I draw things to be pretty and safe and appealing. So I know I could never be a true artist.”

“No, you’re just a coward.”

“Yes. I am.”

[rymbrr]

Recently, I had been struggling a bit with feeling motivated to draw. I would make a new file, put down a shitty sketch and feel like I made something I’m not proud of. It took a bit of reminding myself to do what I think feels right and natural to me, not just what I think would look cool, to get myself back into enjoying it. I can say that I definitely don’t feel disappointed in this piece. Maybe even a little proud now, especially after cranking out pieces that I don’t feel much love for. So here’s to remembering what fulfills you and why you do it. I made this drawing in light of the Alex recents bc I think he just looked so cute and cuddly, and I wanted to see him with his Miles

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @jijidraws

Jiji Knight is a latina pinup illustrator. Her work is overall geared toward thick ladies and dedicated to fat positivity out of a purely selfish need to create art she wished she had seen growing up. She often features sexy and soft macabre themes on vibrant or sweet colours and takes great joy in making folx feel good about themselves with her work. She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration and operates out of her very sunny hometown of Las Vegas.

Check out our interview with Jiji below!

Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?

Oh my gosh… I have art blocks all the time. My favorite way of overcoming it is by making fanart. Funnily enough, that’s something I don’t do in my own work anymore. But there are still IPs I return to that still bring joy to my heart. I love returning to drawing Sailor Moon like when I was in first grade. Or I’ll even look up the last fashion week and start drawing the fashion week outfits from the Paris or New York show. Stuff like that is what gets my creative juices flowing.

What medium have you always been intrigued by but would never use yourself?

Resin. Resin art is so stunning. People make the most amazing and beautiful sculptures using resin, and I don’t think I could ever bring myself to play with something so complicated. There are a lot of ways to cure it, and sometimes, it doesn’t cure properly…I already work with enough chaos as it is! I respect resin artists, but I don’t think I would ever touch it. I’ve admired it from a distance. There is an artist I follow who does these resin layer paintings. So they’ll paint a layer of resin, then cure it, and paint on top of the cured layer. They build up these amazing paintings using resin…I could never. Maybe one day!

What is one interaction you had with a fan of yours that has stuck with you over the years?

I still remember…It was my first and only Flame Con in New York. I had a fan come up to my booth. They didn’t say hello or that it was nice to meet me. They started to cry! They cried, and the first words out of their mouth were, “I’ve never seen myself in artwork before.” So, of course, I started to cry! So we were just crying across the table at each other. It was just one of the sweetest interactions, and it really sticks with me still to this day.

What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?

My latest collaboration with the artist Missupacey. We’ve been collaborating for two years now, and our last collaboration was for Midsummer Scream. It was two very cute clown girls, and I designed our T-shirt. It was one of the most fun projects we’ve done in a long time. We love doing collaborative work because it keeps working in the art industry fresh—being able to bounce ideas back and forth. So we do it where someone picks the color palette, and someone picks a theme. We’ll get references together, put them on a big board, and send each other sketches. It’s really nice to work with somebody else.

How has technology changed the way you approach your work?

Honestly, it changed everything. I mean, I used to draw for myself a lot. And while I still do that, I now predominantly draw for my Patrons. For a while, I was drawing for the internet. So I was drawing stuff people wanted to see in terms of plus-sized versions of characters—a plus-sized Poison Ivy or a plus-sized Sailor Moon. My Patrons have allowed me to start drawing for myself again. But technology, for a while, essentially dominated what direction I was taking with my art, so I’m grateful to take some of that power back.

If there is one thing that you want art enthusiasts to remember you by, what would it be?

Body positivity. I would love for them to remember that there is an artist making work that is making people feel good about themselves and about the way they look at themselves.

Top tips on setting up an Artist Alley booth?

Have a method of taking money, have a method of displaying your work, and have a way to take a break. I have a plastic picnic cover that costs like a dollar at any store. All I have to do is clip it to my display grates, and it covers up my entire display. I feel secure enough to take time for myself in a 10-hour workday to eat something, go to the restroom, or even take a moment to breathe and reorganize my inventory. So it’s so funny that this one-dollar piece of plastic is like the most life-saving item in my display of items.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

@mayakern comes to mind. She is another body-positive artist who expanded into making body-positive clothing. She’s amazing, and just to see someone else out there promoting body positivity. Maya’s been doing it longer than I have, I believe. It feels good to know that I’m not alone. Her work is always stunning, and I love her body-positive DnD characters and the fact that she’s still plowing through the clothing industry. For example, she’s expanded from skirts to button-downs and even custom-wrap shirts. I love to see what she’s doing, and it inspires me to pursue different avenues with my own work.

Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Jiji! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @jijidraws.

[saguette]

What do you think Johnny's art looked like before he was stripped of his powers? This is something that bugs me a lot, and I'm curious about what you think.

ok i needed to draw a few shitty pictures to demonstrate cuz i wanted to talk about more than just his previous art but his art journey in general IDC if there's some canon tweet that proves something i said wrong or out of timeline these are my headcanons and projections so you either like it or not.. anyways I think his style pre-pre-JTHM (lets say 15-18) depicted many things, He was good at realism and fluctuated just fine between stylized art and big hefty works with a lot of detail. His stylized works looking similar to Jhonens and the whole 2000's artstyle cuz its fitting.

Of course he's like, a late teenager around this time so its GOOD but not perfect. If you pulled up a few of his drawings from this time he would probably be embarrassed by all the disproportionate limbs and goth girls he sketched and thought were badass. He probably has old sketches of friends in his style regardless if they asked to be drawn or not since his art was something he was proud of and people around him made him feel proud of. His old art also feels like it'd have anime elements unintentionally to add to that amateur artist swag. Johnny doesn't like anime copies but stuff he rips inspo from was anime inspired so it rubbed off on his work too. Moving onto PRE-JTHM (18-20) Is when his art started to get more serious and complex. In his happy era he took to drawing lovecraftian horror sometimes but it was always the secondary focus of any drawing.

Moving out and growing up was around the time his mental state started to worsen and he started using art to cope with emotions rather than just use it for fun, drawing complex monsters was a subconscious way to depict underlying mental illness that's out of his hands. He cant depict what he doesn't know he has, he can only scribble things that feel someone close to him because there is no physical appearance to emotions. He never liked his art around this time because it always felt unfinished or wrong or like it just didn't interpret what he wanted right. Overtime his art lost coherent appearance, quality, and meaning which made it feel worthless. It wouldn't be all that bad but it reached a point not even he knew what it was trying to be and it was frustrating. How can your own art not make sense to you? Its weird to let your hands go and do their own and you not recognize what they're trying to say. Which leads to SHORTLY BEFORE JTHM-and later.. Johnnys NEW preferred method for art currently is a little abstract, it became two extremes of the same thing; nothing. his art lost alot of what it used to be so he says he cant draw anymore.

Johnnys lovecraftian horror art slowly engulfed itself over time and always becomes an abstract mess. Its purposely made to be incomprehensible by having too much, regardless if its creation is poetic, an outside view not being able to tell what it is or how much work went into it is on purpose. its metaphorical or whatever.. Johnnys fucked up or something.. Whereas Noodleboy i imagine was made by him drawing a stickfigure one day to see if he can still "draw" and overtime gave him his features like angry eyes and that big hair, creating his own sort of vent sona to replace the sketchy abstract art he used before. Noodleboys chaoticness is too sporadic to rip any meaning off of, he also purposely represents nothing. His existence uses up paper the same way, just without all the extra effort. SORRRYYYY long tangent thats probably super messy i just winged it. but i cant help myself ive thought about this for a while ik i didnt strictly answer the question but i had so much more to say

[seeminglydark]

does caro ever miss or mourn the person they could have been if they been happy with who they were as carrie? i'm an older trans person and have been post op and passing for over a decade now, but every now and then i can't help but feel sad for the version of myself i would have been if i'd been cis. i don't see a lot of stories with gnc characters touch on these feelings even though i think they're a normal part of the trans experience

WOAGH ok. I'm not going to clean up this sketch cuz i think its better you get the sloppy 'couldnt see through my tears replying to this ask' version. In many ways, yes. Its hard to put into words because its not a regret, but its a grief of who they tried to be for so long. It doesn't take away from the joy they have being the person they are now, but for them its like losing a loved one too young, if that makes sense.

i think many people have 'what ifs' and sadness for our baby selves. I write Caro loving Carrie very much, which is a super personal choice for me. I also show Carries story because I feel its really important to understand Caros. And because its really important to mine. I mourn baby me all the time, I was so incredibly lost. And I mourn the man I never became. He lives in John, because in many ways he still exists in me, even if my life took me in a different direction from him. I still love him. Hes still part of me even if my path didn't include him once i learned more about myself. But I'm also incredibly joyful and happy to be the person I am now, and I think teenage girl me, and phantom FtM me would be really proud of 40-something nonbinary living-my life-the-best-way-i-can me.

I think if Caro could meet Carrie in some kinda way, they'd say they were so sorry they couldn't be her, and that they really tried but they just didnt know how. But I think Carrie would tell them she's really happy she gets to be them, and how proud she is of how far theyve come together.

[tgmsunmontue]

To wake, perchance to dream 6/6

Hangster - Jake wakes up ~13 years in the future and thinks he has amnesia. Instead it's a glimpse of what his life could be. When he wakes up right before being called back to Top Gun for the special detachment he's going to try his damndest to make that future come true...

Edited to add: One of the first piece of TGM I saw was this amazing piece by @beezelarts as well as this follow on one (both of which I have printed and up on my wall). They both deserve ALL THE LOVE. I stared at them both a lot while drawing this last chapter.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

                “Why do you put up with me?”

                “Well that’s a stupid question.”

                “Jake. I’m serious.”

                “So am I. Why do you put up with me? When I’m angry and I say hurtful things or piss you off… Why do you put up with me?”

                “Because I love you.”

                Jake looks at him and tries to convey just how much of an idiot he thinks Bradley is being. He remembers future Bradley, how alarmed he’d been at Jake having to deal with all his shit. He wonders if getting those two days of his future were offered as an incentive to not give up. Wonders what he did to deserve it. Or whether it’s somehow Bradley that deserves him.

                “Do you think I love you any less than you love me?”

                “It’s not a competition.”

                “Good thing, because if it was I’d win. I put up with you because I love you. All of you,” Jake says, flicking him on the forehead to drive his point home, and it makes him feel more settled as well when Bradley startles at the sharp pain but then laughs, captures his hand and kisses over the knuckles.

                “Oh.”

                “Oh he says. Oh. Did you think I was lying all those times I said it?”

                “No. No. I just…”

                “You thought I only loved certain parts of you?”

                Bradley shrugs, unable to meet his eyes and Jake shakes his head. They’ve come a fucking long way in sixteen months however he expects they’ve still got a chunk of work ahead of them. However Bradley is working with him now, rather than against him or trying to break up, so it’s so much better. It helps that Bradley is back in the air, flying again and while Jake is proud of him he’s also waiting for the day when Bradley decides he’s had enough. Knows it has to be soon if the rough timeline he sketched out is accurate.

                “I’m… I’m going to make myself some tea. You want any?”

                “Of course…”

                Tea making is almost a ritual now between them, and he’s always dropped everything when Bradley has said he’s making tea. It’s for moments of quiet, but also deep conversation, reassurance and also the simple act of making it now grounds Jake in a way nothing else does. He knows it’s similar for Bradley, that if he wants to talk something out, he’ll make an entire pot of tea. Jake watches as he reaches for the stupid pot that is painted like a rooster and wonders if this is the moment. Watches Bradley turn over the little three-minute timer he’d bought and watches him watch the sand fall through the hourglass silently. He knows from experience to not interrupt the silence now. Bradley is gathering and organizing his thoughts.

                “I… I think I’m going to retire.”

                And there it is. All of the sand hasn’t even fallen through.

                Another piece falling into place.

                “Okay.”

                “Okay? Just okay?”

                “You want me to talk you out of it?”

                “I… no? I… fuck. I don’t know. I don’t know. What am I going to do if I’m not flying planes anymore?”

                Jake knows exactly what he’s going to do, but he can’t, won’t, just blurt it out. He wants Bradley to figure it out for himself. Reaches a hand across the counter and wiggles his fingers and waits impatiently for Bradley to hold his hand. Grips it tight and jiggles it to give his next words more weight.

                “How about, how about you find a dream you actually want huh, rather than chasing what you think someone else would want for you? You have time…”

                “Yeah. I guess.” Jake hums. “I think I’ll talk to my therapist about it…”

                “I think that’s an excellent idea,” Jake says, and he wonders if it’s them that places the seed in Bradley’s mind.

                “When did you get so smart?” Bradley asks and Jake snorts.

                “I’ve always been smart. You were just too busy to notice.”

                “Oh no, I always noticed you. I meant… you’ve gotten smart about me. It’s like… you sometimes know what I need even before I do.”

                “Just been paying attention Bradshaw…”

                “Bradshaw is it?” Bradley asks, eyebrow quirking up and Jake raises both his eyebrows in response, because he’s never going to get sick of flirting with him.

                He knows it to his core.

…            …            …

                “What do you think about me becoming a therapist?”

                “I think you’d kill it.”

                “Jake. Be serious.”

                “I am being serious! You would make a great therapist…”

                “I… you really think so?”

                “Babe. Bradley… why’d you join the Navy?”

                “To fly.”

                “If you hadn’t made it into aviation, what would you have done? Stayed?”

                “Yeah. Probably.”

                “Why?”

                “What do you mean why?”

                “Deeper than flying… why did you join?”

                “To…” Jake waits. He’s pretty sure he knows why, suspects Bradley’s therapist also knows why but Bradley hasn’t maybe put it together yet. “To serve… well. To help people I guess.”

                “Hmm. Like I said. I think you’d be pretty good at it.”

…            …            …

                So their lives shift a little again, and Bradley goes back to study, and he’s going to the same University as Amelia and suddenly he gets why and how Amelia becomes so entrenched in their lives. She spends the first year in the dorms, and Bradley rattles around in a two-bedroom apartment. Bradley has never lived alone and while he’s away Jake worries, so when he suggests Amelia maybe move in and they live together everyone treats him like it’s a genius solution. Which finds him, the summer before her second year helping her move in. While she’ll keep Bradley company while Jake’s deployed, her living with Bradley has made both Penny and Mav feel an infinite sense of relief about her living off-campus.

                “I feel much better about her living with you than in a sorority house or… well. I know you’ll keep an eye on her,” Maverick is saying and Jake catches Bradley’s eyeroll from across the room. Penny is busy cleaning the kitchen and doing a deep clean, which he knows Bradley is going to appreciate. Eventually. Once everything is back where Bradley wants it.

                “Yeah, because she’s totally going to want to hang out with me…” Bradley says with a grin towards Amelia and she grins back.

                “Don’t sell yourself short. You’re okay looking for an older guy, might make me look a little more interesting if I’m seen talking to you…”

                “You hear this Jake? I’m okay looking!”

                “For an older guy. I mean… I’d fuck you,” Jake calls back with a grin and Amelia pretends to vomit. Penny calls out a reprimand and all three of them roll their eyes, because they’ve all heard Penny swear a blue-streak.

                “Can you two ever not be gross?”

                “Nope.”

                He likes Amelia living with Bradley, it means he doesn’t worry so much when he’s deployed. That Bradley will make sure Amelia eats, and therefor taking care of his own needs. Plus he starts messaging Amelia for behind the scene updates and she doesn’t disappoint and Jake gets daily candid photos of Bradley doing domestic shit, or passed out cold on the sofa, or on campus meeting with his study group. When he comes back she makes herself scarce for twenty-four hours and then he takes her out for an expensive meal, which is apparently an acceptable trade.

…            …            …

                “This weekend! We’ve got forty-eight hours man. You said you wanted to be my best man, well, time to be the best…”

                “What?”

                “We’re getting married this weekend! Sunday!”

                Jake freezes, because they hadn’t set a date and he’d sort of been drifting, knowing that it was going to be ten-years from whenever they got married. And now he has a date. One only two days away.

                “Why are we in such a rush?”

                “You’re here, I’m here, Nix is here… Bradshaw can get here. She wants it in the small chapel on base, the one with those big pale wood arches. Plus we don’t want to wait anymore.”

                “Holy shit. Yeah. Okay. Fucking… tell me what you need me to do.”

                He rings Bradley, tells him he needs to get on a plane if he wants to stand up as witness for Nix. Of course Bradley drops everything, Amelia insisting on coming and Jake knows that that’s how it’s going to work, she’s going to be as big a part of Javy and Nix’s kids’ live as he and Bradley will be, so her being at the wedding feels right. Then Jake finds himself organizing a cake and a simple flower bouquet. Javy and Nix both have given him very strict instructions to not even think the word wedding when talking to anyone.

                The service is going to be small and private, set for the afternoon after the standard Sunday morning service. They have a week before they both get deployed again, so Jake searches for a resort within an hour drive which also has a honeymoon suite available, books it for them for five nights and lets them know he’s sorted his and Bradley’s wedding present to them.

                He’s pretty proud of what he and Javy have managed to achieve. The chapel didn’t need any decorating, but the Hard Deck, where they’re having the reception of sorts tomorrow evening, well, he supposes he has Penny and Amelia to thank for that, along with Maverick and Bradley. They’ve found soft fairy lights and large white paper lanterns and the whole place is unrecognizable as their usual watering hole. Except he recognizes it. It’s exactly like it is (was?) in the photos he can still remember looking at. As they shut up for the night everything is set for tomorrow and Jake doesn’t know why he’s so nervous.

                It’s not his wedding.

…            …            …

                Bradley has the confidence to look good in a hessian sack, and the legs to pull it off. In a tailored suit he looks mouthwatering. Jake knows he isn’t too shabby looking himself, glad he has an excuse to wear his suit rather than his dress uniform.

                “You look good…” Bradley says, giving him a slow sweep with his eyes and Jake laughs.

                “I am good…”

                “Fuck yeah you are…”

                “Not how it’s meant to go, but I’ll take it…” Jake says with a smirk, because he gets it now, why Bradley had looked at him so weirdly when he’d told Jake he looked good and he’d replied with a simple good morning. Fuck, no wonder Bradley believed him. That and Jake told him. At the wedding that they’re both at right now. Javy and Nix have disappeared somewhere for some photos, but Jake knows that they’re going to come through the doors, with Nix wearing a different dress from the one she got married in but looking no less gorgeous or happy.

                “Want to hear something really crazy?” Jake asks, leaning against Bradley for the reassurance of his presence, hopes he manages to come across as… sincere rather than insane.

                “Crazier than deciding to get married within two days?”

                “Yeah. Much crazier…” Jake says, and he’s still hold the half-filled champagne glass they’d used to toast Javy and Nix earlier. “I’ve seen photos of this… of this moment right here that we are in right now.”

                “How much have you had to drink?” Bradley asks with a laugh, taking the glass from his fingers.

                “Four sips of that champagne.”

                “So… what? You’ve got a sense of déjà vu?”

                “No. More than that… Just… imagine this with me. One day, actually, exactly ten years in the future, we’re happily married; I wake up and your arms are around me. Javy and Nat are off celebrating their tenth wedding anniversary and we’re looking after their three kids. They love and trust us enough to look after these three precious little humans. So I wake up and I don’t remember any of that. All I remember is being on a carrier stationed near Japan and suddenly I’m not anymore.”

                “What are you…”

                “Just… listen. So in ten years if I act a little weird for a couple of days, well, you made me fall in love with you over the space of a weekend… showed me how well we work together. I’m looking forward to filling in all the blanks.”

                “You’re… Jake. Are you being serious right now…”

                He shrugs.

                “Maybe it was just a dream. But it was a very fucking vivid dream. And I’d put money on Natasha and Javy coming through that door, she’s changed to a salsa dress and Javy’s going to be wearing suspenders and looking ridiculous, but they’re going to do a surprise dance number for us… we have a photo of it on the wall.”

                “Oh my god, you’re serious. Jake.”

                “I fell in love with you in this dream, and it made me want that with you so much… and I kind of figured if I could make you fall in love with me then we might get a chance at this happily ever after dream of mine.”

                “You’re a secret romantic… I mean, I knew that already. But just getting it confirmed again. I love you, you weird strange man.”

                “Mmm. Yeah. Love you too.”

…            …            …

                With the wedding photos now available he starts building the photo albums for his future-past self, and even if it’s all crazy and it never happens he doesn’t want to take the chance. Also he finds going through all their photos and picking the ones for including in a book to be an activity that brings him a lot of joy, seeing all their happiest moments and proudest achievements frozen in time.

…            …            …

                When they’re on vacation in the Rockies and Jake recognizes the view, stands there and takes it in with a deep breath, turns back to see what the hell is keeping Bradley only to find him on bended knee holding a ring box and even though he knew he would end up marrying him, having someone declare they love you so much they want to spend the rest of their live with you makes him burst into tears. He takes so many photos through blurry eyes, knowing that at least one is going to turn out so he can include the view in the photo album.

…            …            …

                Their bands are simple gold, although they’re made from gold melted down from Bradley’s parents wedding rings and a bangle that used to belong to his mom. Maverick had insisted on him keeping it all, and when Bradley gets a little emotional slipping the ring onto Jake’s finger he knows the moment is bittersweet, the fact that his parents aren’t here sad but the joy of the day will be everlasting. A photo of their joined hands, both showing off their rings, means more than just the start of their marriage. It encompasses their pasts too and he goes through the process of changing his name to Bradshaw.

…            …            …

                They have their honeymoon on a small island in the Pacific Ocean, and despite Jake’s insistence that Bradley didn’t use high enough SPF sunscreen and reapply it often enough after swimming Bradley gets terribly sunburnt on their third day. Fortunately the air conditioning in their private cabin is good, and they’re more than happy to spend the time together in bed. When the worst of it is over though Bradley starts peeling, making it somehow look worse and when they venture out to the night markets to find food Bradley gives him such a stink eye after he snaps a quick picture and sends it to the group chat.

…            …            …

                There are moments which he doesn’t capture. Natasha and Javy inviting him and Bradley over for dinner and telling them that they’re expecting a baby. That they’d like Jake and Bradley to be the godparents, and legal guardians, and that they want them both involved in the family care plan, seeing as they both still serve. Bradley’s jaw drops but Jake knew, hoped, and he wonders when he starts looking for their house. Their home. Of course both he and Javy are deployed when Nix gives birth to Alleisha, but Bradley is there for the birth, sounds fairly awed and disgusted by the whole process. Amelia makes herself invaluable and he knows now that she’s a speech and play therapist. Her and Bradley talk about things that overlap, but Bradley doesn’t ever work with kids, but he is good with them. One of Jake’s new favorite pastimes is watching Bradley hold Alleisha.

…            …            …

                He sees the notice and does a double take, because there’s a photo and he finds himself paying more attention to those these days than he ever has before. The dog looks like Thea. Bradley’s Thea. He wonders if he’s the one that gets Bradley a puppy. He snaps a picture of the flyer to show Bradley. When he raises it later, whether Bradley has ever thought of getting a dog, he gets a shake of the head and a weird look. Apparently Carole was allergic. Huh. Okay. Maybe things will be different.

                Of course he comes home two days later and finds a book about therapy dogs on the counter and he grins at it, raps his knuckles against it and then turns to find Bradley watching him from the doorway.

                “Am I getting a dog?” Bradley asks, and it’s like this sometimes, like he thinks Jake is somehow psychic and he guesses he does have quite a few insights about their future, but they’re more like markers laid out on a trail and he has to find all the paths between the points. He tries to keep them to himself for the most part, not wanting to enjoy the moments and time he has.

                “I don’t know. Do you want a dog?”

                “I didn’t think so. But I had my therapy appointment today.”

                “Yeah?”

                “And my therapist had a friend visiting who breeds therapy dogs. And that picture you showed me? That was her.”

                “Oh shit…”

                “Hmm. Her current litter is all spoken for, but Ali asked me if I would be interested in one from the next litter.”

                “That’s a hell of a coincidence…” Jake says.

                “Yeah well, I said I was. So I guess I’m getting a dog.”

…            …            …

                He’s deployed when Bradley sends him the link to several house listings, and then he sees it. Pictures of their house and his heart swells. There it is. He sends back this one. Bradley asks him if he’s sure, says it needs a lot of work. Jake replies that he’s as certain about the house as he is about loving him and that’s all that Bradley needs to make an offer. When he steps inside the first time his eyes widen, because it is nothing like he remembers but also Bradley had said it needed a lot of work. He wasn’t fucking joking.

                “I hope you like DIY…” Bradley murmurs, coming up behind him and pressing against him and Jake looks around, remembers photos of them painting and grins to himself.

                “Yeah, I think I’ll like it fine…”

…            …            …

                They have a trip to the beach, Nix and Alleisha firmly planted under a sun umbrella when Javy pulls out a soccer ball. He remembers the pain in his knee and he wonders if he should maybe avoid playing if it means he doesn’t get hurt. Except he can’t. He can’t not take part and he tries to be careful but when he feels his foot shift on the sand and his body weight goes the wrong direction over his knee he knows. He doesn’t try any heroics like walking on it. Tells Javy and Bradley both that they’re going to have to carry him and take him to the hospital immediately; asks for icepacks to assist with the swelling. Javy looks at him like he’s crazy but Bradley looks at him with wild eyes.

                “It’s my ACL and LCL. I’ll need surgery but I will fly again. Going to have to get used to having me around for a bit though…”

                Of course Bradley rolls his eyes, has words with Jake later about why he didn’t avoid the injury and he shrugs, says he doesn’t have it in him not to be competitive and kick a ball around with Javy. The benefit of being on light duty while he recovers and rehabs his knee means he’s there for James’ birth and holy shit. He gets why Bradley didn’t want to do it again.

…            …            …

                He smears the paint down Bradley’s naked chest, and the dark blue looks really nice against his skin. He says as much and Bradley twists against him, laughs and tries to buck him off where Jake’s got him pinned.

                “Uh uh Bradshaw… going to take you apart…”

                “Jake… the paint… it’ll dry and make a mess…”

                “Don’t care. We can buy more paint. We can clean up the mess… want to make another sort of mess right now.”

                With that declaration Bradley stops fighting and instead reaches to bring him down for a kiss and Jake grins into it, because he likes getting his way.

                Later, when Amelia and Bradley are both laughing at him over glasses of wine as he clips chunks of dried paint out of his hair he is less happy, but he still wouldn’t change anything.

…            …            …

                “Bradshaw… any relation to Nick Bradshaw?”

                “My late father-in-law,” Jake provides, and the eyebrows of the Admiral in front of him shoot up.

                “You married…”

                “Lieutenant Commander Bradley Bradshaw. Retired. Nick Bradshaw’s son.”

                “Huh. Means you must know Maverick as well then. I’m sorry Captain, what was your name previously?”

                “Seresin sir. Much prefer keeping the Bradshaw name and legacy alive and well instead.”

                There is a flash of recognition at his old name, because he’s just as legendary as Maverick now, if not better because he’s also known as someone who has saved Maverick’s life in the top-secret mission that of course everyone has heard rumors about. It’s years ago now though, and he doesn’t need to think anymore about his signature when he signs paperwork.

                “Fair enough.”

…            …            …

                Bradley buys him a camera for his obsession with taking photos and he enjoys it, becomes the unofficial photographer of their wider group of friends even though he’s got his own reasons for taking the photos. However he continues documenting all their vacations and gatherings, takes family photos and candid shots of them just hanging out. He doesn’t take any of it for granted, still occasionally blinks awake from sleep with his heart pounding and the knowledge that his life would be very different if he’d been a second later.

…            …            …

                When Brandy is born Javy is not deployed and both he and Bradley tell him he’s on his own. Instead they look after Alleisha and James, their bedroom is the biggest one in their house and there’s already a crib ready and waiting for when Brandy is old enough to start staying over. He startles then, realizing that it’s getting closer. The ten-year anniversary of Javy and Nat’s wedding. He pulls out a phone and looks at the calendar for 2035. Their anniversary is on a Friday next year. He has about nine months to prepare and he submit his leave request immediately.

…            …            …

                Of course he doesn’t get nine months. He’s deployed for a long six-month stint and he knows he’s missing some key moments in Brandy’s life, having seen so many of James’ while he was rehabbing his knee. However he’ll be home two weeks before the wedding anniversary and that’ll give him plenty of time to reacquaint himself with his husband before he… well. He’s not sure where he might go while his younger self is going to be hanging out in his body. He wonders if he’ll be back on the carrier in Japan and suddenly scrambles for memories that he might have to recall. Maybe he’ll just fake a stomach bug and get quarantined for the duration.

                “I can’t believe it’s been almost ten years…”

                “Best ten years of my life… and then some,” Jake murmurs, pressing a kiss onto the naked skin of Bradley’s shoulder. “Ten years…” Jake repeats and Bradley startles a little.

                “Yeah. Tenth anniversary. You uh…”

                “I remember what I told you… I still have no idea what the hell happened, or if it is even real but I guess we’ll know soon enough.”

                “Yeah, I guess we will.”

…            …            …

                He wakes under the weight of Bradley’s arm, his entire body pressed up tight against the line of Jake’s back, including a semi-hard erection and he knows without even opening his eyes that he’s back home, right time and right place, right name and also that while he can’t explain it he’s also not been fucking imagining what happened. He rocks back against Bradley’s cock and feels joy bubbling away through his entire body.

                “Mmm… Jake.”

                “Morning.”

                “Mmm,” Bradley mumbles, snuffling into the back of Jake’s hair and he keeps rocking, can feel the effect it’s having, can feel Bradley beginning to rock back into the friction, seeking it out. Then he’s gone, sharply pulling away, snapping on the bedside light and Jake winces and shades his eyes.

                “What the fuck Bradley…”

                “Are you…”

                “One hundred percent me, back to normal.”

                “You’ve never been fucking normal a day in your life…”

                Jake laughs.

                “Glad to have me back?”

                “Yes! Oh my god. So glad. I completely forgot… you let me sleep in! You… how the fuck did you just wake up and not freak the fuck out? I stress cleaned Jake. Our house is fucking spotless.”

                “Oh yeah… I remember that. I thought you were putting off having sex with me…”

                “That’s what I was stressing out about! You didn’t seem any different!”

                “You can have sex with me now. Again… also I was plenty freaked out but I also remember feeling pretty pleased that I had somehow gotten married to you.”

                “Oh my god… how… what even...”

                “I don’t know. Some things just can’t be explained I guess. Now going to give me my standard welcome home?”

                “Jake…”

                “Mmm… I fell in love with you over this weekend and then made you fall in love with me.”

                “You… so you don’t know what’s going to happen from now?”

                “I mean, I have some hopes for the short term…” Jake says, reaching a hand to stroke Bradley’s cock which makes him laugh and settle back against Jake, facing him and circling his hand around both their cocks. “And it’ll be our anniversary soon. Want to go to Hawaii?”

                “I guess the future is all ours…”

                “Baby, it’s always been ours.”

THE END

[oya-oya-okay]

I would like to say again that what I'm doing now, what I have achieved now, and what makes me "popular", I HAVE BEEN STRIVING FOR. Perhaps someone would be interested or something like that?😭💦

warning: A LOT OF TEXT XD

WELL. I overstepped myself, I drew and talked a lot despite my self-loathing, I cried a lot and quit many times and started over, I was sad a lot, I was angry a lot, I worried, I was proud of myself and then disappointed in myself, I felt insecure and compared myself with others

In 2021-2022, I was not known as an artist at all. Although I started drawing in 2022, but it wasn't popular at all and received very little attention lmao😭😭 At that time, I was on the verge of giving up drawing altogether (despite the fact that I really wanted to start a "career" on the Internet as an artist), but I pulled myself together

I started drawing AzuRido in 2023, despite the fact that I had never personally worked on canon x canon ship😳😳😳😳 And did not perceive the two of them as a romantic couple at all. And gradually, despite the uncertainty and setbacks (AND, BTW, AZURIDO WEREN'T AS POPULAR AS THEY ARE NOW!! They didn't attract attention at all back then! Therefore, many people did not understand this ship and were not interested in it) I began to become known as the AzuRido artist❤️✨ I WAS PROUD THAT I FINALLY GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY FAVORITE BOYS AND EVERYONE LIKED IT!💖💖💖

Then in the winter of 2023 (December) I drew kuroXtwst for the first time, although I thought about it back in the spring of 2023. And surprisingly, it really attracted a lot of unexpected attention🤯 I wasn't ready for this, tbh, and it was even a bit of pressure. I felt like I had an obligation to make content for kuroXtwst and for AzuRido at the same time and evenly. Like I felt guilty for doing something more than other, I felt obligated to draw every day. I felt guilty if I stopped doing it😭😭😭

Then came the spring of 2024. I drew Shuu for the first time in Ask Azul (PUBLICLY) . Like these were the first interactions between them, AND I FELT REALLY BAD, TBH. I felt really dumb at the time and thought, "why did I do that at all?☠️" But then June came and for the first time publicly drew ShuZul (a comic about collections). I remember sitting at night with my sis and mom at the train station and waiting for the train, drawing them. It was really a twofold feeling. I liked it, but I felt very cringe😭😭😭 (I say "publicly" bc in 2023, when I was 17 yo, I drew them🐿️🐙, but did not post them, ((for example, a sketch comic about Glorious Masquerade))

Also I was used to talking about AzuRido, so I felt guilty when I only talked about Azul. OH MY GOD, IT WAS A REALLY DIFFICULT TIME😭😭😭😭😭 I thought that many people would not understand me and would leave me because I had completely stopped drawing AzuRido. In fact, it was

Then I started trying to accept the fact that my interests are changing and I have to draw what I like at the moment🛐 I allowed myself to create, accepting the fact that I would lose followers. I was always grateful to those who showed attention to me and were active🙏💖❤️💕

Also there was a very long stage of accepting ShuZul and pain LMAOO. But now I can draw them calmly and without thinking about anything at all😳 I'm glad I did it, but it's been a long way. It wasn't easy, it wasn't. For me, sigh

And then gradually I started talking boldly about Azul. I guess I just started to feel more confident. Anyway, it all took time

I did it on my own, BUT I also received a lot of support and I'm really sincerely grateful to you😭🙏💕💕💕 If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have made it, I think. At least it would have taken even longer❤️

And surprisingly, I hardly draw kuroXtwst, AzuRido now, but everyone is still with me😭😭😭 It's really AMAZING!!💖💖💖 THANK YOU VERY MUCH💝💗💞💕

Some got "popularity" much easier, but this is my path and my acceptance

The conclusion is probably that everything takes time, and I'm sure you can handle it🛐💗💖 LIKE Everything will be fine. DON'T STOP!!!❤️❤️❤️

DRAW AND WRITE, DO WHAT YOU WANT. Try not to compare yourself with others, but to look up to those whom you admire💖 Everything will be. EVERYTHING WILL BE!!!

[archiebaldo1414]

Quick acrylic portrait of Florence Welch

This is only my second time trying acrylics and I still hate them with a passion😭, but overall I’m sort of proud of myself?

I added that god awful butterfly since I was like I HAVE to finish it, it’s the RULES, but deeply regret it. There was something about the big chunks of underpainting showing through that really made her eyes pop, as well as making everything more visually appealing. I ended up leaving the smaller patch, but it doesn’t have the same effect 😔. Like, it’s a sketch essentially, it doesn’t need to follow the rules. What even are rules anyways

On a positive note tho, I didn’t sketch or anything, just started painting and it’s not like it’s photo accurate but I’m getting SO much better?!?!?!?!? Like normally I like to sketch for a while first and then transfer, since my proportions are typically all wonky but I was just on a roll today I guess

Oh and for reference