#routine in my class

[ohitslen]

Average university experience

[sillylanzhou]

Sung Hyunjae & Self. God, Human.

i find it very interesting that sung hyunjae has such a strong Self - something that is shown even in the beginning with small details like how picky he can be with most things (to the point of seeming fussy despite his composed image). a dichotomy for someone who has been denied autonomy of existence- denied a Self- in the first place.

with all of his hundreds of overlapping existences, he still retained the identity of "sung hyunjae, seseong guild leader"- even at the point he lost his memories, even when he was being reset at a cosmic level- he desperately clung to retain his sense of self.

the ego is so important to his character, despite- in spite of the crescent moon's plans of taking it away altogether. she made the contract with that purpose in the first place. but it is a bit cruel and ironic that the end goal was to strip him of his ego and make him into a perfect being to replace the Source, but in the process she gave him such a strong existence, persistent identity, a stubborn sense of Self.

as all things do, this brought me to hyunjae & yoojin.

we see it first with sigma- when yoojin acknowledged his existence and freed him from the dungeon- hence creating a separate entity with his own unique existence.

it is yoojin, who sees sung hyunjae as a human first underneath all of his semi-godlike glory. who finds the fact that he can't open a convenience store kimbap endearing. who acknowledges every sung hyunjae to have ever existed in all of his lifetimes as not just sung hyunjae of the first world or sung hyunjae of the second world- but as a real, unique person.

sung hyunjae of the world with many lakes. sung hyunjae of the world with two suns. sung hyunjae who likes to knit and has a complex about his baby face. sung hyunjae who picks the crust off of his bread, who likes to keep an odd assortment of trinkets in his inventory. sung hyunjae who enjoys fishing, who eats his shrimp tails, who likes to cook for people.

sung hyunjae- who, despite going through every day in the excruciatingly painful boredom of a repeated existence, still loves people and their mundane lives, still cares for children, still looks after people who depend on him, still still still. it is all sung hyunjae.

yes, he has clear parallels to crescent moon- he was molded after her image of a perfect Source, after all. it would seem that like her, he can care for everyone equally and just that, no more and no less. a suffocating, helpless experience for the recipient. he's so much like her, so no wonder he was the one chosen by her.

but in reality he became so much more than that. a unique existence as the little moon- but quite unlike the crescent moon.

sung hyunjae is capable of anger, of loss, of sympathy, and of frustration- a myriad of conflicting human emotions.

he has a wish to stay for every birthday, a wish to stay for every funeral.

and in the process of turning him into a God, he was made more human than ever.

[applestorms]

L can be such a possessive character at times. he always strikes me as the type of person who is deeply aware of everything that he owns, both in a more literal sense and metaphorically-- like, he knows what money he has and how to use it, what resources are readily available to him and what he has to be sneakier to utilize, the habits and tendencies and emotional states of individuals and world governments both. the DN musical really puts an emphasis on the more computer-y aspects of how his brain functions, which isn't as obvious in the manga/anime but i think still works well as a way to follow his thinking. it's kinda what near does too: everything is a factor to them, every tiny detail a new opening to optimize for the best results, every person and location and object a part of a puzzle waiting to be solved. and as a part of that, L is deeply aware of every and any little thing he may or may not have control over, and exactly to what degree.

his habit of stealing titles as depicted in the LABB murders novel is such a good example of this. ryuzaki, eraldo coil, deneuve. he eats people alive and then takes their names for himself like some kind of fucked up fae or trickster god, creating new masks and personas to hide behind from the remains of the people he's devoured. i have to wonder if he would've used the title of KIRA for himself had he won-- i can hardly imagine what kind of power such a title could hold if held in his hands. of course, he could've just used the defeat of KIRA as a way to build up the L title even further, offering up the body of a dead god like perseus showing off the head of medusa. but L is so emotionally attached to the kira case, i struggle to see him allowing it to fade from existence so thoroughly as near does, even if it is only kept close on a private level...

this is part of why i think it genuinely makes a lot of sense that L's ultimate win state would include capturing light to some degree. even if the memory of KIRA somehow manages to fully disappear from the public consciousness, there is no fucking way L is letting light yagami out of his grasp. honestly, the moment that L truly loses this game is not when he starts investigating misa while still under rem's watch, not when light gets back his memories, not even when he dies, but the moment when he allows light to be freed from the handcuffs. the moment when he allows the other members of the task force to turn off the cameras and keep him from watching light and misa talk in the lobby. the moment when he gives up, lets light yagami go outside of L's personal sphere of control, is the moment when L starts the clock ticking down to the end of his own life.

this is one of the key ways in which i see light as a true equal and parallel to L, as after L's death he, intentionally or no, continues the same tradition and takes L's title for himself, twisting the two sides together into the L-KIRA amalgamation. only, the L title functions a little bit differently than every other persona or title that we see in the series-- because L's true name is L. that's all that he is. on a literal, legal, and emotional level, i don't think that L is anything more than L. he is the world's greatest detective, he's an incredible, weirdo super genius, but he does not afford himself much more than that, barely allows himself personhood or humanity outside of his work. light was the one to ultimately defeat L because he did not just put a stain on his character (as BB attempted), did not just kill him, but stole his very identity and took it for himself.

one of the biggest contradictions of L's character that i think you must accept should you attempt to portray him accurately is that he is both deeply detached from humanity while also having all of his work and effort and life be focused around saving it. it's one of the ways in which he is an exact opposite to light-- where light relies on humanity for external validation, to be Seen, while also looking down on it as dumb and immoral and spineless, L is so separated from it that he barely exists as a person, all the while dedicating almost every action he takes to helping it. remember: for all the emotional turmoil that wammy's house and the legacy of L may put on the kids living there, ultimately it's entire existence is nothing more than L's logical solution to his potential demise. if he dies, the world goes down with him, all of the cases that are yet to happen and he is yet to solve being left in the air. he has the foresight to set up a fail safe, but not to consider the emotional implications of what being that fail safe might feel like, how high the price of your own humanity is if you are not already alienated from it, the inability to have your own name on your gravestone-- though perhaps some of the blame also falls on watari's shoulders in this case, philanthropic old bastard that he is.

imo, playing his game really got it right in presenting L and light as one and the same, synonyms on either side of the mirror. in every action they take they are both so selfishly selfless, playing the game for themselves and their own pleasure but plastering the needs and will of humanity on top of it. L isn't invested in saving humanity for the sake of humanity-- he just likes the thrill of having the stakes raised so high. hard to shit on ryuk for wanting entertainment when the humans he finds are just the same as him.

[seawaveleo]

one ear listens to history class, the other ear listens to STUMBLE, RECKLESS CHARGE, LOOT ‘N SCOOT

[dawnthefluffyduck]

I'll be real I just saw this outfit on a stuffed animal and wanted to draw him in something similar

[julykings]

by candlelight

[trauma-insence]

okay hear me out: as a publicity stunt palmetto state’s recruiting tiktok account does little gimmicks about “a day in the life” of various students. the foxes are approached that one of them needs to make one. the obvious one here is allison, she’s rich and pretty and could make it all seem fabulous. but she got out of public view, things like this is exactly what she left behind. no one else is willing, except a manic andrew. ultimately, they end up not being able to post andrew’s since it’s full of him skipping class, smoking in his dorm, and random close up shots of neil actually doing schoolwork and studying. but for a day andrew has access to a palmetto state social media account and the worst he does is be gay

[wanderingmind867]

Today at 6:30 a kid from the social skills class calls me. And tomorrow at 6:30 I'll call someone from the class too. I know it'll probably go fine, but I also know my nerves still act up on me whenever I have to do it. It's funny. i've become somewhat close with the teachers of the class, but i haven't ever managed to keep in touch with any of the other kids. Still, knowing this might be one of the last times i can take the course really does get to me. It makes me feel upset. Because this course has provided consistency, and I think it's helped me learn to talk to people (even if i haven't managed to retain any friends from it). It's just... it's nerve-wracking in many ways. Making the call makes me nervous, but leaving the class makes me feel awful.

I meant to post this yesterday. I don't know if I did. But besides that, everything I said remains true. I make the phone call in exactly an hour in my timezone, and i'm slightly nervous. But I might possibly be more nervous to lose my one piece of consistency that I have left. sigh...

[erbiumspectrum]

27 February 2024

I saw my thesis supervisor yesterday and I'm starting lab work next week!! I'm equal parts nervous and excited haha. I hope everything goes well.

Today in ochem I did distillation and extraction. People used to tell me ochem lab can be really boring bc there's a lot of waiting - I wish! In my case, "waiting" just means doing something else. 4h of walking around the lab and standing at the fume hood :')))) Sitting down for literally like five minutes to estimate the melting point of my sample turned into a blessing

[skunkes]

I thought my "struggling to get anything done until its very very late at night, and only for a few hours, after a full day of fatigue and laziness" behavior was a recent thing, in the wake of graduating and being unemployed and out of schooling, but its been at the very least 5 years because I made a comic about this when i was still IN college.

[soliusss]

every day I wake up and I am so so miserable and have no energy and hate everything and I don't know how to fix it because I have zero motivation to do ANYTHING! because I'm so tired and nothing seems worth the effort anymore

[physicsgoblin]

Mom has been teaching the 10yr old brother (among the remaining siblings who are school aged) Latin for several years. The twerp told my mom he now wants to learn Greek as well, which my mom is thrilled with. He's already using Latin in his flippant remarks, so I think he wants to insult people in classical Greek too

[flebus]

eat sleep fujo out repeat

[belthegore]

dump (+ shared canvas w/ @mystic-vibeszz and a friend)

[pynkhues]

About to do my first yoga class in almost three weeks, pls keep me in your thoughts

[yebulgi]

maybe don’t think about how i’m in my 20s in grad school and a pacific ocean away from home and my dad still. tries to care for me in whatever ways he knows (lighting a candle and Do Good at Exam prayers)