#sap gui access

[dearlenore]

AN ‘I FEEL’ STATEMENT. / S.REID / SUMMARY - Spencer and you interrogate a suspect

PAIRING: bau!reader x spencer reid / w/c: 1.7K / ???

a/n: guess who this is based on and win a cookie

Spencer didn’t even look up when you barged into the motel room.

“Don’t say it,” he said, flipping a page in the case file.

You froze in the doorway, still halfway through pulling off your FBI jacket. “Say what?”

“That the crime scene smelled like expired deli meat and failure.”

You made a face. “Okay, rude. That’s classic FBI fieldwork ambiance.”

He looked up and smirked. “You’re predictable.”

You tossed your jacket on the chair and flopped onto the bed beside him. “You like me because I’m predictable.”

“I love you in spite of it.”

You stuck your tongue out and stole the file from his hands. “Alright, Dr. Sass, what do we know?”

“Third victim, male, 30s, found in an alley behind a gas station that sells ‘hot dogs’ that may or may not be actual meat,” Spencer replied with a snarky tone , leaning back against the headboard. “Ligature marks, same positioning as the first two. Garcia’s running facial rec now.”

You flipped through the photos. “This guy looks like my ex.”

Spencer tilted his head. “Which one? Also…You dated a guy with a neck tattoo that says Loyalty Over Everything?”

“He had a motorcycle and a soft spot for cats. It was a phase…. And the tattoo said ‘I’m a dick’ in Chinese.”

“I sincerely hope your standards have risen.”

You gave him a smug look. “Please. I’m dating a literal genius with three PhDs. I upgraded.”

He hummed. “Four soon.”

“Whatever,” you said, nudging his arm. “You’re basically the FBI’s version of a trophy husband.”

He blinked. “Are you saying I’m your trophy husband?”

“Yeah. Except instead of a yacht I got… trauma and access to crime scenes. I guess?”

Spencer rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide the smile tugging at his lips. “Romantic.”

You snickered. “That’s what they all say.”

For a while, you worked in comfortable silence, both reading over the files. The motel TV buzzed in the background, playing a rerun of some bad soap opera where the acting was worse than your last polygraph subject.

“So,” you said eventually, “you think this guy’s trying to make a point? The symmetry, the posing, the weird ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed’ energy of it all?”

Spencer looked thoughtful. “He’s definitely performing. But it’s subtle. Less drama, more… statement.”

“Like a TED Talk, but make it murder.”

“Exactly.”

You laughed. “I fucking hate Ted talks, people who talk for hours like that are so annoying.”

He glanced sideways at you. “Speak for yourself. I’m adorable.”

“You’re adorable in a ‘my girlfriend wants to kick my ass daily’ kind of way.”

“To be fair, you want to kick everyone’s ass. Some more sensually than others.”

“HEY! Me and Emily had a deal. Have you seen— actually don’t answer that I’d have to kill you.”

“I find you so oddly attractive.” He said, looking a bit perplexed by his own taste.

You bumped his shoulder gently. “You always say that like you’re surprised.”

Spencer gave you a soft look, the kind he saved for when the world got too heavy. “I’m not. You’re annoying and incredible.”

You grinned. “Aw. You’re such a sap when we’re surrounded by homicide photos. You should be more mindful of the dead,”

“Don’t ruin it.”

He leaned in to kiss you, brief and warm. Then he stole the case file back like the nerd he was.

“Fine,” you said, standing up and stretching. “I’ll go see if Morgan found anything useful, or if he’s just flirting with the local deputy again.”

“Tell him if she has a cowboy hat, he has my blessing.”

You grabbed your jacket, pausing at the door. “If I get shot, tell the team I died being hotter than all of them.”

Spencer looked up with a totally deadpan expression and whistled. “That goes without saying.”

You blew him a kiss and shut the door behind you, already drafting what you’d say to Morgan when you saw him.

Eventually , you’d caught the guy.

The suspect sat cuffed to the table, arms crossed, expression somewhere between cocky and confused. He’d asked for a lawyer three times. The team knew it. So did you. But now he was suddenly cooperative—and you had a feeling that had less to do with his conscience and more to do with the fact that Morgan had promised he’d be “dealing with Dr. Reid next.”

What he didn’t know?

He was getting both of you.

You stepped into the interrogation room, Spencer behind you, both of you in sync like you were about to perform a synchronized FBI ballet—but with more psychological warfare.

Outside the one-way glass, Morgan muttered, “This’ll be interesting.”

Inside the room, you dropped into the chair across from the suspect and offered a sugary smile.

“Hi, Marcus. Love the scowl. Very tough guy who definitely has never cried in a 90s Honda civic. Or was it a Toyota?”

Spencer sat beside you, calm and collected, opening the file in front of him like he was about to politely destroy a man’s entire worldview.

Marcus raised an eyebrow. “So they sent the nerd and the girlfriend?”

You smiled wider. “Aw. You think I’m just the girlfriend. That’s cute.”

Spencer didn’t look up. “Statistically, assuming a woman is less competent in a professional setting increases the likelihood of public humiliation by seventy-three percent. But don’t worry, we’ll keep it between us.”

“For real? You just know that?” The suspect hissed.

“No asshole, I made it up…” Spencer mumbled, still looking at the file and reading it closely.

You slid the photo across the table—victim number two. “Let’s talk about this guy. You were seen outside his apartment the night he was killed. Coincidence, or did ya get the first time murder jitters?”

“I didn’t kill anyone.”

Spencer’s voice was deceptively light. “We didn’t say you did. You said that. Interesting.”

You leaned in, resting your chin on your hand. “Also interesting? That your fingerprints were on the door handle, and the doormat has your boot tread on it. You’re either involved or you’re just deeply nosy.”

Marcus shrugged. “Maybe I was there. Doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh, honey,” you said, voice syrupy-sweet. “People like you never do things for no reason. You can’t even microwave instant soup without making it about your masculinity.”

Spencer coughed like he was covering a laugh.

“Also if you’re microwaving soup shame on you. Put it in a damn pot on the stove like the rest of us.” You groaned, knowing damn well you did it yesterday.

“Look,” Marcus said, sitting up straighter. “I don’t have to say anything to you.”

You looked around the room , faux confusion on your face. He literally asked for you?

Spencer tapped the table twice. “Totally fair. You’re exercising your rights. But just to clarify, you’re not denying you were there. So if we subpoena your phone, we’re not going to be shocked by GPS data, right?”

You leaned toward Spencer and whispered loudly, “Is this the part where we pretend we don’t already have that?”

He nodded seriously. “Yes, for dramatic effect.”

Marcus shifted. “You’re bluffing.”

“Buddy,” you said, leaning back. “The FBI does two things really well: crush dreams and ruin lives. And my boyfriend here’s got a PhD in both.”

Spencer added, “Technically only one, but I did minor in destroying egos.”

“Oh for real? That’s fine I have a masters in being better than most people and humbling men. I think that’ll suffice.” You replied.

Outside the glass, JJ blinked. “Are they… flirting? In the middle of an interrogation?”

Hotch muttered, “I think it’s working?”

Back inside, the suspect was starting to sweat, his earlier confidence deflating like a balloon at a sad birthday party.

You pulled out another photo—this time of Marcus’s ex, who had filed a restraining order last year. You dropped it gently on the table.

Spencer’s voice was quiet. “She’s scared of you.”

“And she was like 16.”

Marcus looked like he wanted to disappear into the floor as Spencer flipped to the next page in the file.

“Her name was Emily,” he said calmly, tapping the paper. “She filed for a restraining order at sixteen. Updated it again when she turned seventeen.”

Marcus scoffed. “She was—she acted older than she was.”

You blinked. Spencer’s jaw twitched.

“Oh wow,” you said, leaning forward. “Do you have an I feel statement about that?”

Spencer didn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, like—‘I feel like I want to date children’?”

You nodded thoughtfully. “That’s the vibe I’m getting too. Really leaning into the predator energy.”

“I’m not a predator,” Marcus snapped, defensive now, angry. “You don’t know anything about me.”

Spencer arched a brow. “We literally read your search history.”

You added, “And the restraining order. And the texts. And your very creative Reddit username.”

“Subtle wasn’t your strong suit,” Spencer muttered.

You leaned back in your chair, folding your arms. “So here’s what we do know about you, Marcus: you’re insecure, violent when women say no, and very interested in people who are still in Algebra II. That about cover it?”

He opened his mouth—then shut it again.

“That’s what I thought,” you said sweetly, before glancing over at Spencer with a grin. “See? We’re so good at this.”

He smiled back. “Terrifyingly good.”

“You think this is funny?” Marcus snapped, finally rattled. “This little good cop, bad cop thing?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Good cop? You sweet summer child.”

“We’re not good cop, bad cop,” Spencer added helpfully. “We’re bad cop, worse cop.”

“I’m worse,” you chimed in. “Obviously.”

Spencer nodded. “That tracks.”

Marcus was silent, jaw tense.

You leaned in again, tone shifting. “Look. You talk to us, you get some control back. You don’t, and we throw this entire file at the prosecutor and let them tear you apart. Your call.”

Spencer added, “Statistically, cooperating suspects receive lighter sentences. Not that you seem like a man who cares about consequences, given your stunning history of rage texting and unpaid parking tickets… and dating children.”

You smiled. “Seriously, ten tickets? What are you, allergic to parallel parking?”

Marcus stared at the table, finally cracking.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” he muttered.

You and Spencer exchanged a glance.

“Okay,” you said, sitting back. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

[contract-crawdad]

Look Outside Character Recruit Concepts: Part 3

Back for another round!

Phillippe — The Traitor Friend to the End

It’s everybody’s best friend, Phillippe!! Despite his low health, low speed, and an attack stat so sad that it makes Sophie’s look good, his skills allow him to pull his weight in combat anyway! Still, it's advisable to keep an eye on him while performing any of them, just to make sure that there any totally unintentional downsides.

Recruited by following the route to the ‘He’s Real God Damn it’ achievement and obtaining Philippe’s remains (an item that does actually exist in the game, for those unaware).

You must also purchase a humidifier (not real) from Mutt’s Fish n’ Chips, which will be set up back at your apartment similar to the coffee maker. The humidifier itself provides no benefit, but if you have Phillips’s remains you will get the idea to place them inside your kitchen's trash can in the hopes that the combination of humidity and the nutrient-rich environment might be enough to revive him.

After a night passes, Phillippe will be growing out of the garbage the next morning.

“I hate you. I hate you so much.”

> Only a true friend would be so honest… sniffle…

“You’re fucking with me. Are you really this gullible? So… what, we’re supposed to be friends now? I’m supposed to say ‘Gee willikers, you saved me with the power of friendship, I’ll help you kill guys now’? Is that it?? Is that how you think this is going to go?!?”

> Pretty much, yeah.

“No, but— you— I’m…! Fine. You win, you deluded little cretin. I’m your best buddy Phillippe and you saved me from the eeevil mushroom queen… or some shit like that. At any rate, since you killed my progenitor/life support system, I can’t survive for long without your humidifier. So it looks like I’m stuck here anyways.”

Phillippe possesses many powerful skills, but each has a tendency to ‘accidentally’ harm the party in various ways. As long as he is in your party, every character gains the ‘Watch Phillippe’ skill.

Passive Quirks

All teammates have the 'Watch Phillippe' skill in battle.

Physical attack stat does not increase upon leveling up.

Can eat rotten leftovers and mushrooms with no downsides.

Early Skills

Watch Phillippe

Not actually one of Phillippe's skills, but as long as he is in the party, every other character has access to this skill.

Don’t you trust him?? Use your turn keeping a close eye on Phillippe to make sure he doesn’t try anything funny. Removes the downsides to the next skill Philippe uses this turn. Cannot be used by a character that is blinded. Has no STM cost.

Fungal Affront

Phillippe makes a perfectly crafted and deeply hurtful remark about the opponent. Chance to inflict between 1 - 3 of the following statuses: blinded, confused, stunned, and/or any mental status except for fear or charmed. Moderate STM cost.

If nobody is keeping an eye on Phillippe, he will also throw in a crude remark about a random teammate which randomly inflicts them with statuses as well.

Leech

Phillippe saps life from an opponent using his root-like mycelium. Deals moderate piercing damage and restores HP to Phillippe equal to half the total damage dealt. Low STM cost.

If nobody is keeping an eye one Phillippe, he will also ‘accidentally’ brush against an ally, using a weaker version of this attack on them.

Late Skills

Spore Rapport

Phillippe scatters spores, giving all enemies the ‘toxic’ status effect (similar to poison but ramps up in damage each turn until it is cured). Moderate STM cost.

If nobody is keeping an eye of Phillippe, he will ‘unintentionally’ get some spores on the rest of the party, but only enough to inflict them with regular poison.

'Friend?! Help!'

What an adowable widdle guy! Phillippe brings out his cutesy moth schtick to trick the enemy, convincing them to fight for your side. Charms a target for one turn (or until they take damage) if successful. Heavy STM cost.

If nobody is keeping an eye on Phillippe, he will actively conspire with the enemy, marking every member of his team except for himself. This is problematic if there are multiple foes, and something to deal with when the charm wears off.

Apartment Interactions

> How are you feeling?

“Better than that time you killed me. Remember that? Hey, if you really care about my feelings, do me a solid and answer a question… is that vision of beauty in your bedroom single?”

> Xaria?

> Monty?

> …Juicebox?

“What? No. Ew. I’m talking about that potted temptress you have squirreled away back there. Can you ask them if they’d be open to a mycorrhizic relationship? Mind you, I don’t usually go for that sort of thing, but with chloroplasts like those I’ll gladly make an exception.~”

> What did you do before all this?

“Mostly a lot of trickery, deceit, gaslighting… say, do you think that sort of thing would look good on a resume? Do employers look for those traits in a candidate? Because I guess I’ll have to get a job in the near future.”

> What do you think will happen?

“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen, the first group of mutated freaks to get properly organized and expand fast enough will inherent the whole damned world. That’s what the gang and I were trying to do, anyways.”

> Did you look outside?

“I’m a fungus, genius. I don’t really ‘do’ sunlight.”

> Glad you're safe, even if we couldn't get you back to normal.

“I keep telling you. I was never a moth. Never! That was a just ploy to get you to feed yourself to my mother organism.”

If Joel is recruited: “It’s okay that you’re not a moth anymore Mr. Philip!! Lots of us… hhh… look different now!”

“Sigh… I miss being dead.”

Harriet — The Worrywart

A bit of an all-rounder, with average stats across the board aside from notably high defense and awful luck. Her training as a nurse comes in handy when using healing items in battle, even if she won’t equip any shoe items for some strange reason…

Recruited by reuniting her with her daughter and then taking her up on their offer of a visit. Upon entering their home on F2, it seems some kind of monster put a bunch of huge holes in their walls while Harriet and Sophie were both out looking for one another (heavily implied to have been Jeanne’s rampaging heads looking for food).

Harriet will insist that she and Sophie could probably figure something out, but will be tremendously appreciative if you offer her and Sophie a place to stay. Recruiting her will also re-recruit Sophie, but from this point onwards you cannot have Sophie in your party unless you also have Harriet. Harriet is able to join the party without Sophie, however.

Harriet, while in your apartment, will chime in when you’re attempting to craft something for the first time. Basically meaning no crafting outcome is ever uncertain!

Harriet functions a lot like Sam, Papineau, and Ernest in that she has very few equipment restrictions! The only thing she will not equip are shoes, for no immediately obvious reason that surely isn’t cause for concern.

Passive Quirks

Can't wear shoes.

While recruited, all crafting attempts have known outcomes.

Won’t let Sophie go on expeditions without her.

Doesn’t react well to Sophie being knocked out…

Early Skills

Read the Label

Requires 1 medication. Applies the effect of medication to the entire party. Makes one bottle of medication go further by actually knowing how much of it you’re supposed to take. Low STM cost.

Frugal Application

Requires 1 balm. Applies the effect of balm to the entire party. With a daughter like Sophie, she knows how to use this stuff optimally. Medium STM cost.

Kick em Where it Hurts

Harriet delivers a suspiciously powerful kick to a sensitive area on the opponent, dealing crushing damage that pierces defense as well as slightly lowering all the target’s resistances. Low STM cost.

Late Skills

Divvy it Up

Requires 1 tonic. Applies the effect of a tonic to the entire party, but at only 25% of the usual effectiveness. Who would have thought that a set of measuring spoons would be so useful in the heat of battle? High STM cost.

Proper Dosage

Requires 1 stimulant. Applies the effect of a stimulant to the entire party, but at only 25% of the usual effectiveness. It’s definitely not healthy for a single person to take the whole thing at once, anyways. High STM cost.

Secret Ability

If Sophie and Harriet are on the same team and Sophie is knocked out in battle, Harriet enters a secret form. Hiking up her dress, she reveals that she is in fact cursed: possessing far far too many legs.

Harriet is on the warpath!

Each turn, she will randomly choose between:

Kicking with many legs, dealing crushing damage 3-9 times to randomly chosen opponents, and 1-5 times to randomly chosen allies. Each hit deals a moderate amount of damage.

Scratching with dozens of claws, dealing slashing damage 3-9 times to randomly chosen opponents, and 1-5 times to randomly chosen allies. Each hit deals very little damage but has a high chance to inflict a layer of bleed.

Tearing through flesh with reckless abandon, which deals heavy piercing damage to a single random enemy and causes all allies to panic. Deals extra damage to bleeding targets.

Harriet only calms down and hides her legs again once combat is over.

Apartment Interactions

> How are you feeling?

“Just fine, thank you. It’s been a rough couple of days, but you’ve been a great help.”

> What did you do before all this?

“Most of my time was spent working as a nurse and trying to find babysitters that hadn’t blocked my number yet… sigh… say, you don’t babysit by any chance, do you? I kid, I kid!”

> What do you think will happen?

“Honestly? No clue. I just hope there is a world, when all this is said and done.”

> Did you look outside?

(If Harriet has not gone berserk in battle):

“What? Of course not! You’ve seen what looking outside does to people, I’m… I’m not like that!”

(If Harriet has gone berserk in battle):

“…R-Right. You saw those. Look, I… I understand if you need me to leave, but please don’t tell Sophie. She can’t know. It’s under control. It’s fine.”

> Can I ask your advice on making something?

“Oh, sure, what do you need to know?” (Opens up a list of craftable items and selecting one reveals its recipe)

Plant — the Wild Card

Your potted pal has really grown over the past few days! The ultimate offensive jack of all trades, able to deal many different types of damage if properly equipped. Doesn’t have the best defensive qualities, however.

Recruited by having met the following conditions:

Have a good relationship with Plant! Relationship is improved each day in a row that you talk to the plant, and increased further if you’re keeping up an ideal watering schedule..

Move Plant into the light when prompted and never moving them back.

The earliest you can recruit them is by day 6, but it could be longer if you’re not consistently meeting the talking/watering conditions. After Plant is happy enough, one morning…

…Your plant is pacing the room on thin, tendril-like roots. Their leaves sway towards the door, wordlessly conveying a longing to see the world outside your apartment in all its glories and in all its horrors.

They extend a tendril towards you.

A kinship between man and plant has been formed.

Plant cannot equip accessories or clothing with the exception of hats. On the plus side, using their many tendrils they have access to four weapon slots instead of the usual two! None of these slots are designated for specifically for melee or ranged weapons either: this means you could equip four different melee weapon, or four different ranged weapons. Two handed weapons still take up two slots.

This does not mean that Plant can attack four times! What this does mean is that they can perform a basic attack with any one of the equipped weapons, and they have access to all of the skills of each equipped weapon (which each still deal their respective damage type). Has no restrictions on the type of weapon they can equip.

Instead of guarding, Plant has the option to Act Natural, allowing them to pretend to be an ordinary houseplant and fade into the scenery. Doesn’t work if Potted Plant is marked, the only party member left standing, or against attacks that hit the entire party.

Passive Quirks

Weak to fire and ice damage.

Resists acid.

Hides instead of guarding.

Cannot equip clothing except for hats.

Has access to four weapon slots.

Early skill

Photosynthesize

Potted Plant embraces the life-giving light of the visitor. Heals a variable amount based on the time of day and your location in the building. Fails at night or in the basement, most effective at noon, and provides a full heal and cures negative statuses if used on the roof. Can only be used once every six hours (effectively meaning you can only use it once per battle at most).

Late Skill

Fan the Hammer

Perform a basic attack with each of Plant’s equipped melee weapons and fire a normal shot of each equipped ranged weapon (provided you have the necessary ammunition). Targets chosen randomly. Increased chance to damage each weapon used. Moderate STM cost.

Apartment Interactions

> How are you feeling?

Five of their leaves form an impressive approximation of a thumbs up.

> What was life like for you before you got all… mobile?

A unfamiliar flowery smell fills the area. You suppose they’re trying to communicate through chemical signals but have no idea what they’re trying to say.

> What do you think will happen?

Somehow, their leaves produce a high pitched tittering noise. You’re… not quite sure how to interpret that.

> Did you look outside?

They use a leaf to make the ‘fifty-fifty’ gesture.

> Do you still want me to water you? Or would that be weird now?

The plant pats your shoulder comfortingly with a tendril. Seems you’re relieved of watering duty. You feel strangely sad.

[spoonfulofmilo]

Could you do fic for Peter 'Bono' Bonnington with wife teacher!reader? She's stressed about work and he just shuts her up with kisses and gets caught by the team. And they teased the couple endlessly. Just something fluff and cute. Thanks!! :))

Haha im gonna be honest i see bono as such a sap for his partner, and so that’s how i will always write him

(unless y’all want a part 2 of the love language fic)

sorry i feel like it's short

my masterlist can be accessed here

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

peter bonnington x wife!teacher!reader

---

“I sometimes feel like none of them care. I mean actually I know none of them care, one of the boys, Brayden, straight up asked me ‘miss why does the past matter? Surely the future matters more’ and while I was explaining that we have to study the past to make sure we don’t repeat the future, he was trying to flirt with the girl next to him.” Y/N sighed, Bono and her had found a small secluded area before the race began. But Y/N was really stressed out from work and so Bono had offered to let her vent about it.

“Aww, baby, I’m sorry…” Bono snuggled closer to his partner, wanting them to feel as loved as he could.

“If you ever get a job application from a Brayden Jackson that went to the school I’m teaching, immediately deny him please. It’s just annoying that very few students care, except for the A level students, and the school doesn’t care about me, particularly if we’re taking my recent working hours into account.” Y/N laughed, trying really hard to not let her tears spill.

“I can provide for you darling…you can quit your job, travel the world with me… I know that that’s not what you want to do. I know you love teaching for those few kids who do actually like history, but I hate seeing you so burnt out.” Bono comforted her, wiping away the stray tears that had fallen past her eyes onto her cheeks.

“But it is worth it for those few kids who come through the ranks, who do care. It’s worth 10 of the asshole kids for one of the kids who cares…but the hours are starting to get to me, I’m thinking about trying to find a better job, one that actually cares about me, and not just the kids, but then, I have to quit my job, and then I’ll be unemployed for a bit, until I find another job, and trying to find one of those jobs is hard to find and highly competitive…” Y/N looked even more stressed than she had when she had begun venting and her husband hated seeing her like this.

Bono couldn’t listen to her stress and just planted a kiss on her lips. And then when she looked slightly surprised, he did it again, littering kisses all over her face and lips. She started looking slightly surprised but ended up giggling by the time that Bono stopped his kissing assault for some air.

“What was that for?”

“Just because I love you.”

Bono resumed his kissing of his wife, enjoying her little giggles and smiles. Until he realised that not all the giggles were coming from the woman next to him.

He lifted his head and met eyes with James V, James A, Toto and Lewis all standing over the couple, all trying to hold their laughter in.

“Uhhh, hi?”

“Hi!”

“Hey”

“Hello”

“Morning Bono.” They all responded.

“Uhhh, I kind of thought this was a private corner, what are you all doing here?” Y/N had hid her face in Bono’s shoulder and was giggling at the situation.

“You’re late for pre pre-race briefing so we thought we’d come looking for you.”

“And-”

“And we can clearly tell that you’re busy but we would like to see you in the pre race briefing as soon as you’re um finished.” - Toto started ushering the other guys away

“Yeah, will do, see you guys soon. Now where were we?” Bono asked mischievously as he turned back to his partner, not even looking to see if the others had left fully.

---

“Hey Bono, is the wife coming down this weekend?”

“Uhh, yeah, yeah she is. Why?”

“Oh we made a little spot for you 2 to ‘canoodle’ and you won’t be disturbed.” James A’s grin was way too big for this to be an innocent kind thing, so bono slipped off the chair and followed him down the hall towards the supply closet.

Bono’s face blushed as he saw the little sign reading ‘Y/N and Bono’s smooching corner’ with a photo from their wedding also pasted on the piece of paper.

“Really?”

“Yeah man, your wife is great, but like we really don’t want to catch you snogging again, okay?”

“Okay” Bono replied in a weak voice, pulling out his phone to take a photo to send to Y/N, knowing she could have a good laugh about it.

---

taglist: @leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @pear-1206

[ploridafanthers]

basic fire safety advice

do not leave a fire unattended for any length of time

natural fibers don't burn (wear these when interacting with flame)

artificial fibers (plastic) will melt to your skin (horrible way to die!!!)

this is the fire triangle:

water will douse flame by lowering the temperature. aim water at the source of the fuel (for substantial fuels you will need way more water than you think). water is also used to prevent nearby fuel from preheating enough to ignite

blankets, foam, and dirt smother a flame by removing its access to oxygen. a shovel full of sand is an excellent first defense to an escaped campfire

mineral lines are formed by scuffling the ground to bare, unflammable dirt to a distance the fire is unlikely to jump. these should always be used around campfires. they are often maintained around fencelines of large rural properties

organic soils like peat and swamp muck are not dirt and may result in months-long underground muck fires!!! (i know a guy who did this)

do not park a motorized vehicle in tall, dry grass

every single ecosystem we live in is adapted to burn on a cycle between one year and 500 tattoo this into your brain

dry or dead vegetation is likely to burn. grass will catch more readily than wood. less dense wood will catch more readily than dense wood. the more readily something catches the faster it will burn through its fuel. small fuels may be used to pre-heat and ignite larger fuels.

some plants (pine, eucalyptus) have saps and oils which are intensely flammable. others (palmetto, melaleuca) send papery embers high into the air that act as firebrands, starting fires out of range of the flames

"ladder fuels" such as vines, midstory shrubs, and low branches can help carry a ground fire into the canopy and turn a small problem into a huge one (fire-adapted conifers will self-prune their lower branches for this reason)

flame fronts will draw together (this is why they lay lines of fire in front of wildfire, to burn up ground fuel on its way to the larger fire). do not get between two fires no matter what

fire sucks oxygen out of the air. the guy who didn't listen to the last point may suffocate before he burns to death

fire climbs, especially on the sunny (high temperature) side of a hill. do not try to out-climb a wildfire. escape downhill if possible

wind may shift and send headfire roaring in a new direction. FAFO has killed a lot of people here

the safest place to be in an unescapable wildfire situation is in the "black", an area which has already burned (this will hurt. do not put yourself in this position)

create what's called a "defensible space" around your home. more information here

if you are interested in presribed fire or wildland firefighting, look for S-130/190 courses near you through many different agencies. note that the certification requires maintaining through burn participation and taking an annual pack test.

[c10udy-d4yz]

these are species I came up with that I never had the patience to properly write about. The concept is supposed to be sapient plants that develop a symbiotic relationship with these dinosaur looking things so they can communicate with each other and create society.

The way it works is that the glands by the roots simultaneously act as the brain and the endocrine system. When the clorin want something done, the thought of doing it is pumped through the plant's circulatory system, and when a stumpie/walker eats the leaf or the sap from the clorin, the thought is transferred to them and they proceed to do the thing.

There are two versions of each organism, unevolved and evolved. Unevolved clorin aren't very sapient, and can only produce simple commands, such as "eat my seeds." And even then, it's not a true spoken command, they just create a strong feeling of having to do something. Stumpies, while foraging for food, eat the leaves and do as they're told, and their relationship to the clorin doesn't get far beyond that.

Evolved clorin, on the other hand, are very similar to modern humans. They have a nuanced language and inner monologues, and the commands they give are spoken and have precise steps. While stumpies had to eat a whole leaf to receive a command, the process has been streamlined well enough that walkers only need a lick of sap to know exactly what to do. In most cases, one of the clorin's leaves is freshly cut so that the walker has easy access to its sap, and once the cut heals over, it can either be cut again or torn off to regrow, and then another leaf is cut.

Unevoled clorin can physically only do two things: It can contract (which is normally done to protect its basins from the elements), and it can shake to ward off unwanted scavengers (like the grey guy, its beak is so sharp that it can completely decimate the clorin's pods, which is bad for reproduction). Evolved clorin can still only do these two things, but since the walkers are able to protect them, they're done for different reasons: If a clorin needs something, they shake a little to say "come here" to any nearby walkers, and if they're in emotional distress, they contract automatically, much like how a person might not be able to keep from crying if they're very sad or scared. Contraction also summons walkers if they happen to catch a glimpse, as they can clearly see that something is wrong, it's just not a deliberate summoning.

I'm sorry these are all just random tidbits thrown together. I have more things to write, but I'll do it later I'm lazy asffffffffuck

[sillygoofyqueer]

Fuck you guys, more Shui Qingbo be upon ye

Shui Muyang knew that Shizun would never willingly allow anyone to be head disciple, too suspicious and paranoid to ever bestow such an important role to someone until the very last second before her ascension. Unfortunately for her, Shui Muyang was always an impatient child. So, they toiled away for months, years, slowly chipping away at her until she trusted them with more personal duties, until she allowed them to go against the mould when it came to weapons. They had always found a sword to be clunky and tedious to work with - not that they weren't good with one, but it was just a pain for them to have to get so close and get dirty in order to dispose of someone - so they asked for a different kind of spiritual weapon. Shizun had grumbled about how picky they were, but took them to see the peak lord of Wan Jian Peak nonetheless, allowed them to ask about a different kind of spiritual weapon; a whip. Their shibo had winced and shrugged, trying to figure out the logistics of making that work, when the charming head disciple (Wei-shixiong) had practically crashed into Shibo in his haste to offer to take on the request - distantly, Shui Muyang decided that he was like an excited...dog. Well, they had been thinking about asking Shizun for a pet, but Wei Yi would suffice perfectly. After they had gained a whip, one with a rather snarky spirit (apparently, it had once belonged to a sword that wished to be melded into something else entirely, which was something they could understand) and so easily concealable because their beloved shixiong/dog had made it accessible as a decorative belt, they started working on the ultimate mission - get Shizun to surrender the role of head disciple to them. It wasn't even that tricky, just a well placed poison that blended in with Shizun's favourite wine (one that would not be found in any examination, they had made sure of it) and the antidote within their grasp, and she folded to their whims easily. A brilliant assassin but a shitty coward; the best thing for them to work with. Honestly, they didn't understand why everyone, including Shizun, had been so impressed with their executed plan. It was a rather run-of-the-mill blackmailing mission (but, they supposed, nobody ever really got those but them). A useful thing that came with their position was that they could attend both peak lord meetings and the head disciple meetings that took place bimonthly, meaning they were just learning more about the ins and outs of the mountain before they took their place as peak lord. Honestly, the sect leader hadn't even made Yue-shixiong aware of the true meaning of Zui Xian Peak, so it was far too easy to worm more information about the soft hearted sap of a man. (It took them a while to find out about Xuan Su though, and that was an extremely interesting development to consider.) This is unrelated to this post specifically, but get ready to learn about who Shui Muyang smooches in another post!! (likely tomorrow)

[chickensarentcheap]

Some Esme and Tyler :)

Especially for you @tragiclyhip

@watermeezer @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @kmc1989 @alisbackalleybbq

@asirensrage @residentdormouse @ninjasawakenedmystar @mrsmungus @creators-club

I'm missing people, I just know it...

“I only fought my way back for you. So I could have more time to drive you completely insane.”

“You weren’t THAT bad. You occasionally got on my already frayed nerves, but…” She lightly smacks his butt. “...you were really hot, so it made it a bit easier to deal with.”

A grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. “You always grope your mercenaries like that?”

“That was hardly groping. And no, I don’t. Only the really tall, blue-eyed, tatted-up Australian ones.”

“You meet a lot of them, do ya?”

“Tons,” she teases. “They’re a dime a dozen. I do like it, though.” She smoothes her palms down the front of his bulletproof vest. “You’ve always looked really good in black. It’s very sexy.”

“You’re nervous, aren’t you.”

Sighing, she fidgets with the frayed hem on the waist of his jacket. “Is it that obvious?”

He holds his thumb and forefinger half an inch apart. “Just a bit. You always talk about crazy shit when you’re nervous.”

“What’s so crazy about it? It’s a compliment. Okay, so maybe it isn’t exactly the right TIME to be saying it…”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I appreciate the ego-stroking.”

“And you are a whole other level of hot. When you’re all geared up. It’s so intimidating and masculine and badass. Not that you aren’t masculine or badass all the time, but it’s just heightened, you know? And with that jacket and the vest over it? You look even thicker.”

He smirks, then nods his thanks to Yaz when he hands him his earpiece for communications, popping it into place before turning back to Esme. “Listen, if you call me fat one more time…”

“I’ve already explained this to you. I’m not calling you fat. I’m calling you THICK. It’s two totally different things.”

“In your warped little mind, anyway.”

“And even if you were, I’d still be madly in lust with you.”

“So we’ve narrowed it down, have we?” He chides, and snags a bulletproof vest from the supply case open in the middle of the table. “To just lust?”

“Well, I DO love you. That’s never in question. But sometimes the lust does have a slight edge. Are you telling me that there are never times when you don’t lust me more than you love me?”

“I love and lust you in equal amounts.”

“You are so diplomatic.”

“They’re both huge amounts, in case you haven’t figured that out.”

“You really ARE just a big sap.”

“Remember how you said maybe it isn’t the time or place for certain talk? Well, this is it. This is the time and place. Are you honestly feeling that confident? Insulting the guy that’s in charge of keeping your ass in one piece?”

“Like you would ever let anything happen to me. Regardless of how annoyed you are.”

“It’s because you’re so cute. You get away with a lot. Arms up.”

She does as instructed, her eyes never leaving his face as he slips the garment over her head. Tugging firmly at the fabric until it settles perfectly just above her waist; calloused palms smoothing down the front and back before his fingers begin tending to the velcro straps. And she notices the very distinct change in him in his persona. The seemingly smooth and easy transition from the angry and vulnerable Tyler from the night before to stern and focused -and extremely intuitive and skilled- mercenary. The darkness that now inhabits his eyes, the edge and the authority that creeps into his voice, the confident and assertive body language.

It’s the Tyler she remembers from years ago. The one who had tended to her vest and made sure she was feeling safe and secure in her own skin before sending her on her way. It had been those rough and rugged edges that had started the tumble into blinding lust and unprecedented love, but it had been what lay beneath that had sealed it. Those five days in the dirty little room had allowed her access to the Tyler that he hid from everyone else. Not just the softness and the lingering humanity that this weary and broken man still possessed, but the tenderness and patience and adoration that he had poured upon her. And she repeats her actions from that day as she reaches up to clear locks of hair from his furrowed brow; a shaky yet reassuring smile curving her lips.

“I was just thinking about how…” A startled gasp interrupts her words, a grimace replacing the smile. “Ow! Too tight! My lungs do need space to work!”

“Sorry.” He adjusts the straps. “I think I was being a little overcautious there.”

“Yeah, just a bit.”

Hands keeping a firm hold on the shoulders of the vest, he pulls her into him, lips pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. A pure and innocent form of intimacy that brings tears to her eyes; so many words left unsaid, yet so many promises being made at the same time. “What were you thinking about?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“I wouldn’t have asked.”

“Dhaka.” She notices the beginnings of his scowl and quickly adds, “But not the bad things. About when you dropped me off. Before going to get Ovi out of that apartment. You did the same thing; you wouldn’t let me put on my vest. You insisted on doing it. Didn’t give me much of a chance, actually.”

“I needed to make sure you’d be safe. It made me feel better. Doing it for you.”

“Maybe this sounds really odd, but I liked it. Then AND now.”

“You ARE really odd,” he teases, shooting her a wink before turning back to his selection of equipment. “Now, don’t make me regret this. Don’t get trigger-happy and shoot me in the ass.”

“Ooooo….” She accepts the weapon offered; slipping the Glock out of its holster and checking the magazine. “...a shiny toy just for me. I don’t get another clip?”

“I’m hoping you won’t need to use that one. IF, for some reason, you run out, I’ve got more.”

“By the way, I would NEVER shoot you in the butt,” she assures him as she returns the revolver to its holster, then reaches under her coat and clips it to the waist of her jeans. “It’s too nice of an ass to take any chances with. But there was this guy that I served with in Kabul, that put his sidearm down on a lawn chair and then sat on it. Took a nine-millimetre right between the legs. Came out of it okay. Well, one ball less, mind you.”

“You shot him in the nuts, didn’t you.”

“I am completely innocent. Although he pissed off enough people that I’m sure a lot of us WANTED to.”

“Okay…listen…” He firmly seizes her by both shoulders. “...I know you’re not just a regular client off the street, and you have a lot of personal experience with shit like this, so I don’t know exactly why I’m about to say what I’m going to…”

“Force of habit?”

“..and I’m not trying to be a complete asshole, so…”

“It’s okay, Tyler. I get it. If anyone does, it’s me.”

“You stay close to me. At all times. Always behind, never in front. Unless I tell you otherwise. You listen to everything I say. Whatever I tell you to do, whenever I tell you to do it, you don’t hesitate. You don’t give me a hard time, you don’t argue, you don’t second guess me, and you don’t question a goddamn thing. If I want your opinion or your ideas, I’ll ask for them. Got it?”

She nods.

“You wanna get out of here alive, you cooperate. Now, I know how much pleasure you get out of being a complete pain in my ass…”

“One of the greatest joys of my life.”

“…but I really need you to toe the line. This isn’t a regular job. This isn’t Dhaka; we’re not partners this time. This is MY show to run. So I need you to just go easy on me, yeah? Just do what I say? Because this is way too personal, and I have way too much to lose. So does Millie. She needs her mum. And at the risk of being called a sap, I kinda need her too.”

[amazon160]

M.X.E.S. x Reader Headcanons 👾🐇💙

NO ONE IS WRITING ABOUT THIS GUY WHAT THE HECK

Anyways.

-he’s always been a guard dog of some sorts

-so when you first entered the security system his red flags and alarms all went off at once

-he wasn’t going to let you go anywhere near the security systems, and he wouldn’t think twice about it

-in this scenario, you were just a technician trying to do your job. You manually shut down all the animatronics to reboot some systems and stumbled across M.X.E.S.

-M.X.E.S. was shocked when you didn’t try hacking into the system like someone that he was dealing with would usually do

-you found that the M.X.E.S. PROGRAM ran a lot more smoothly and broadly than the security you usually used, so you decided to use it more often to access the Pizzaplex more smoothly

-so you paid the M.X.E.S. character more visits

-he eventually got closer and closer to you until he was able to snoop around what you were doing and kind of (?) interact with you

-the guard dog personality wore down over time

-time skip, and you’re finding yourself seeing M.X.E.S. far more often than you expected

-remember that little chip Helpi puts in so you can see him in the real world? That’s basically what happens

-you can see M.X.E.S. in the real world, spawning wherever (the con is that no one else can see him), and he’s even gotten access to your electronics.

-so when the chip is out, you can see him on or through the camera of your phone and computer

-you’d uncovered this “sassy” side to M.X.E.S. you liked to make fun of

-he enjoyed your company and perhaps grew a bit too attached to, or maybe obsessed, with you

-your dynamic was resemblant of the “guard dog” kind of persona M.X.E.S. had, but instead he tried his best to advise your actions and keep ANYTHING harmful away from you

-luckily for him, he has learned how to hijack different technologies

-and technology is everywhere these days…

-it makes it very easy for him to influence a target

-because you work at the Pizzaplex, M.X.E.S. really takes care to try and communicate better with you while you’re there

-he can only actually touch you in the AR world now, somewhere you can only be during your shift

-sometimes he’ll send more specific messages to you through the Daycare attendant. Whichever side of it isn’t active with the kids is usually active in the AR world, so most of the times a chilled out Moon will send messages

-M.X.E.S. doesn’t like Moon and Monty all that much specifically. There’s something wrong with them….

-your relationship was platonic for a while…until Moon gave you a rather specific message.

-“He was saying, ‘make sure you get to Roxy especially this weekend. Her AI’s been acting up and I think there’s a lack of power getting into her systems.’ Blah, blah, blah. Sap, sap, sap. Sappy. He saps over you a LOT. He’s such a simp. I’m the only one who can hear him, thank GOODNESS.”

-you noticed M.X.E.S. was being a little more touchy whenever he could in the AR world.

-you didn’t really mind, you knew some friends that were like that

-after a long while of going along with this, you finally recognized his attachment to you and realized you’d been starting to develop a crush on the rabbit yourself

-it sounded insane. YOU sounded insane. But it was something that you just couldn’t really help at this point

-one day you entered the system to play around with Sun and Moon’s systems, to Sun’s discontent.

-you paid extra detail to ignore M.X.E.S.

-you watched as his demeanor changed from the intimidating guard dog to a sad puppy following you around

-his facial expression practically begged for attention

-you finally acknowledged him at the end of your shift. Just before you took the mask off, you motioned for him to lean down. He happily obliged, content that you were giving him some attention now. You took his head by his jaw and pressed a small kiss against his nose. One hand went up to stroke one of his ears lightly, quickly.

-you backed away because his arms were sparking more electricity than normal

-you gave a small wave then left the AR world, leaving a sad looking M.X.E.S. icon on the corner of your phone’s home screen

-no worries, you would make it up to him the next shift you had with him.

[beanghostprincess]

Transfem Buggy anon here to drop a silly valentines idea-

1) don't worry too much about speeding through asks, sweetheart, you're doing fine. Take your time and do your thing at your own pace. Anyone has an issue with it? I'll fight em 😤

2) IDEA TIME

So imagine Buggy getting absolutely SMOTHERED in valentines days gifts - from friends, underlings, allies, secret admirers (she thinks they're all fake or lies), and her partners of the year.

She and Alvida do a Self Care Self Love event (maybe include Uta and Perona bc smth about them being so supportive of Buggy coming out as trans and just so easily slotting her in to girls night makes me soft).

Ritchie wears a special Valentine's Day bow, and he gives extra lion licks to his favorite people. He doesn't quite get the whole concept of HOLIDAYS beyond that it makes his humans so happy and silly and so he too is happy and silly. Lion loves.

Mohji and Cabaji, every year, make Buggy a gift for Valentine's. She gives them little gifts too, but theirs aren't conventional - they were there from the beginning, and so they've seen the best and worst of each other. They're besties your honor.

After Impel Down, Buggy wakes up on Valentine's to a MOUNTAIN of cards, candies, stuffed animals, flowers, and balloons. Maybe half of them are signed. It's a long ass affair to organize them.

When she starts dating Crocodile and Mihawk, they hadn't seen the Karai Bari Variant of Valentine's Day. Needless to say, when they wake up and walk with Buggy to get breakfast, they are both BLINDSIDED and BAMBOOZLED by this veritable TON of gifts. Buggy just sighs. "Guys. Really?"

"WE LOVE YOU, CAPTAIN BUGGY!!!"

"I can't eat all this. Okay, line up, I'm passing out candies at random. Consider this a treat before breakfast."

"CAPTAIN BUGGY IS SO GENEROUS AND KIND!!!"

"I- ya know what, sure, whatever. I haven't had coffee yet. I don't feel like arguing."

Crocodile and Mihawk though are surprised when she offers them a soft smile and... two boxes? "Open them when you want to, boys, no rush."

She gets a delivery later on in the day, a crate with a blue rose painted on the top. She huffs. When asked, she shrugs it off. "Shanks is still being a damned sap."

He sends her presents as often as he can - with a relatively ser address for Karai Bari, she is more easily accessible, which makes him go a little overboard. In the crate are her favorite candies (ghost pepper flaked dark chocolates), soft stuffed animals, new clothes, a dress, flowers and silly trinkets. ((And maybe a little treasure map he made just for her)).

Buggy would give thoughtful gifts - smth for Croc's bananawani nursery or specialty cleaner for his jewelry, new seeds for Mihawk's garden he mentioned wanting once in passing or new cording to rebrand Yoru's hilt, etc.

She also ties her hair up on holidays, puts on an apron, and joins the cooks in the kitchens. Cooking is smth she's good at, if a tad embarrassed by, but baking if her favorite thing to do. It's like chemistry and showmanship mixed together, two of her most favorite things. Getting the chance to indulge in it is smth she rarely lets herself have, but she makes exceptions for certain days.

And if Mihawk and Croc, knowing this by that point, pooled together to get her her own supplies to indulge more freely in their shared space, away from prying or attentive eyes, well...

Valentines Day isn't exactly a cliche on their little handmade home, but the sentiment, the intention, the love is there.

((And if Buggy just so happens to send a few batches of Shanks' favorite cookies to him a week after the day, well, he'll treasure them!!!

Until he eats himself sick, that is.))

1) Thank you <333 That's really sweet 😭🧡

AND THIS IS ALL AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A bit late to Valentine's Day (sorry, really akjjddnjk) but I absolutely adore it. Buggy loves Valentine's Day and the thought of everybody getting her gifts and also enjoying the holiday on her island is so cute,,, Everything is perfect and tbh, after coming out as a woman is even better because she's finally able to do it as herself. I think she wanted to do it really bad when she was a kid.

Her crew is so silly,, And having a whole day with Perona and Alvida makes her feel so loved,, Crying and sobbing. Also, Crocodile and Mihawk aren't used to celebrating these things, so now that they're with her they're surprised by how much they enjoy it. Not the holiday itself because in general it's extremely annoying and they do not want to be there with all this drama-- But they do like seeing her happy and giving her gifts <333 Why have mafioso-looking boyfriends if they aren't going to shower you with gifts, you know? And also, they're losers for her, which makes it better.

[acideathr]

‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹ 𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖜𝖔𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝄞₊ ⊹ 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓𝖙 ● 𝖌𝖑𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖉𝖊 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲 ● 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 ⤿ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝘄𝗼 ● 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴

♫ .. “ ... 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 ... “ ★ . •° . －𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘳 ．．• ♡︎

rollo: hahaha, you're all talk!

rollo: i expected more from the widely—envied night raven college students and the widely—feared malleus draconia!

malleus: rgh... he has the bite to back up his bark.

azul: yes, it's safe to assume he thoroughly earned his spot as student council president.

azul: i knew we wouldn't have our full strength going into this, but i didn't expect us to struggle so.

idia: the real problem is that he's going full YOLO.

idia: he doesn't even care that he's surrounded by firelotuses. he just keeps blasting magic.

azul: he must be in tremendous pain after having so much of his magic sapped. his mental fortitude is quite frightening to behold.

malleus: we'd be able to turn the tide if we could somehow take him by surprise...

rollo: mmhmhm... how pathetic you look, fleeing in terror from the firelotuses.

rollo: now do you see? this is the fate that befalls those who rely on evil powers like magic.

rollo: when you have too little, you're resentful. and when you have plenty, you're arrogant. you can never content yourselves.

rollo: it's horrible... just wretched.

idia: *siiigh*

idia: look...

idia: i wasn't gonna say anything, but you keep going off about how magic is evil and mages are villains.

idia: are you sure you're not just projecting?

rollo: ...what?

idia: i think there's only one guy here you ACTUALLY hate — yourself.

idia: your brother suffered right in front of you, and you couldn't save him. you hate yourself for being weak and worthless.

rollo: ?!

⭑♪⊹ ࣪ ˖ 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ⭑♪⊹ ࣪ ˖ 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁

©𝗖𝗢𝗣𝗬𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 ● @acideathr 2025 ⤿ my work is not yours to take; posting chapters requires significant time and effort. all credit is due to aniplex and yana toboso; show your support by downloading the twisted wonderland. this blog particularly caters to players who cannot access the en game because of their region or those who aren't willing to download the game

[imababblekat]

This is Sheldon 😂 he’s an endangered gopher tortoise who showed up one day in 2022 (I think he was barely one because is was spring-summer time and mother gopher tortoises have been observed allowing their young to take shelter in their burrows over the winter) when I was replanting stuff in my greenhouse and he went straight for the old lettuce plants I threw in a compost “pile” by the greenhouse (they were starting to flower which turns their sap from clean to white and is gets sour). After that he went around and dug his burrow on the other side of my fence. He is still there and is about 3 ? I think and currently has been working semi weekly hole under my fence so he doesn’t have to walk all the way to the gate to go under. Occasionally we will get droughts and most of my grass and even the weeds will die off so I’ll occasionally sprinkle stuff randomly in my yard during those times of year for him to find when foraging to supplement his diet but I don’t want him to be reliant on me or too used to people. My recent ongoing project is to find native plants that gopher tortoises like to eat and plant them in my yard in accessible areas for him to find on his own. (Sorry for the very long adhd tortoise ramble 😅😂).

Ooooooh my goodneeeesss!!! Look at him scoots and him lil face!!! He is so stinking cute! And can I say how I absolutely love how he's just living his best life if your back yard like an un official pet of sorts! Where I'm from we got rattlesnakes, tarantulas, you name it, but nothing like this! I can't even imagine having a rattlesnake in my backyard that I'd just occasionally give some food or water lol XD

You're very lucky to have such a cute lil wild buddy, and he's very luck to have an adopted human such as you to help him out in hard times; he just a lil guy （；´д｀）ゞ

[thelegionsden]

G-Virus Frenzy

Going into this trial, Julie wasn't sure if the poor sap with a giant, pulsating eye growing out of his shoulder would be able to keep up with her. That question was answered the second he sprinted off in search of survivors. He banked right around the facsimile of her old stomping ground while she went left, scouring the field for any victims.

Eye Guy's search bore fruit first as a pack of survivors scattered to avoid him, right into the path of Julie's knife. "Gotcha." She said as she entered Feral Frenzy, slicing one survivor on the back. She cleaned her blade and went on to the next survivor, slicing them as well. She felt her bloodlust rise as the Frenzy went on... until a pallet cut her off from her precious high. Alright. If they were going to be difficult, Julie was going to be merciless.

Julie and Eye Guy split up, each patrolling one side of the trial grounds to keep tabs on the generators. The survivors were wily though, repairing generators faster than either killer could react to. With each gear slicked rumble she heard, it made Julie's blood boil. They were working too fast for her liking, and if this kept up, they'd escape... and who knows how long the Entity would make the Legion wait again.

"Ok... now I'm gettin' pissed!" Julie tapped into her killer instinct and clenched her knife. Focus that anger, that rage, turn it into something more driven. She thought of the encouraging words her darling Frankie gave to her before the trial started. They'd promised each other that they'd each get a total party kill each before the Entity decided to end 2v8, and Julie was going to make good on that promise.

Whether with help from Eye Guy or just the survivors getting overconfident, Julie's knife was starting to find blood. Their quick work had a downside that helped them out too: They'd quickly finished all the generators one side of the resort, meaning the rest where in a tight cluster where it was relatively easy to corner them. Julie had seen enough of their tactics during regular trials to know that, if they had access to their normal skills, she'd have been fucked from the start. And that just made her angrier.

"You can't stop me now! Where's your precious skills when ya need em?!" Julie unleashed her bloodlust upon the survivors with each slice of her blade, and Eye Guy mopped up the stragglers who were tried to save the gens Julie had dealt with. Even if she couldn't indulge in the high of Feral Frenzy, Julie was more than happy to prolong the chase. It made it more exciting anyway.

Enough time passed, and soon they were down to just three, huddled like rats in a corner trying to heal their wounds. Cute, but fuckin' worthless. Eye Guy closed in, swiping at them with that jagged pipe he carried. Julie quickly chased off after the survivor he missed, bringing them down quickly and mercilessly.

Only one remained, but the killer duo had to act fast, as the hatches were opened and the last survivor had disappeared. Julie closed a hatch had opened next to her, then one in the main lodge while Eye Guy searched. Her heart raced, she was so close, she just needed to hurry. She felt her heart leap when the gate alarm blared in her ears, meaning the final hatch was closed.

And she just so happened to spot the final survivor as they tried to make a break for the gate. Julie sprinted after her and closed the distance, slicing her in the side and then grabbing them by the hair. She stabbed them in the back and wrenched them down. She kneeled over them and delivered three brutal stabs to their chest and a final one to their stomach.

"Heh... you still got some fight in ya?" She spit as the survivor struggled for breath. Julie turned to see Eye Guy standing there. His human face strained in agony, his eyes glazed over as if he were under the eye's control. Slowly, he raised his shaking free hand up and revealed three of those injectors used by that nasty Blight fucker.

It was then Julie got an idea. A twisted, filthy idea. She took the vials and plunged each one violently into the wounds she had made. The putrid serum flowed through her victims body as she emptied the payload, their veins glowing a sickly orange. Slowly, their body began to expand, their skin stretching to the point of breaking. The blight serum leaked from every orifice as they continued their grotesque swelling, the rancid smell of the body's futile attempt to relieve the pressure making Julie wince. The skin became so thin it began to break along the stomach, revealing the pulsating organs filled with the serum. Finally, the survivor didn't so much as burst but "deflated" as their skin broke, their liquified remains spilling across the snowy ground.

"...Awesome..." Was all Julie said as she cleaned her knife. Three Legion members had finished the task, now only one was left...

[nothinglikegod]

Muse Preferences -

Stolen from @geraniumplant

Character: The name's Nicholas D. Wolfwood.

Place: Bed. Hands down. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, I'd rather be sleepin'.

Fruit: Prickly Pear. Easily accessible & free. These little guys have saved my hide more times than I can count.

Thing: My lucky lighter. I pickpocket-ed this beauty from some sap when I was eight years old. It's been with me ever since. Every time I think I've lost it, it appears in one of my coat pockets.

Animal: I'd like to embody a Wolf, but I'm too damn domestic. So call me The Black Dog, guardian of souls.

Hobby: Wood wittling, of course. I wouldn't say I'm good at it, but it's just tedious enough to be meditative.

Outfit: I have to wear a suit, but I don't have to like it. I'd prefer something casual. Something light and easy to move in.

Song: The Simplest Words by The Narcissist Cookbook. Because ♫ I HATE THIS BODY, I HATE THIS BODY, I AM MORE SCARED 'A MYSELF THAN I AM 'A ANYONE ELSE! ♫

Color: Blue. The color of the sky, the color kids use to symbolize water, the color of healing and hopeful eyes.

Tag! @deathsdevotee @knimillions @bloodandgunsmoke @liesandalibis @typhoonvash @angelictyphoon @goldendivinewrath @misplacedreporter

[zombieefish]

Fan stares at the blank sheet of paper which lay on his desk.

Thirteen days until it was valentines day, and he still hadn't come up with a few simple words to woo his way into Trophy's stone cold heart. Stone cold was probably an overstatement, but Fan had a tendency to exaggerate the way things actually were described – he'd grown into doing that more often than he definitely should've been.

He wasn't particularly sure what would be appealing to a guy like Trophy – letterwise, that is. Fan was well aware how the other contestants in the hotel felt about the jock, which meant that Trophy probably didn't get any mail, and if he did, he most likely threw it into the nearest bin.

But that wasn't going to stop him from writing this letter, this sheet of paper which would declare his underlying love for the other – like in the movies, or.. something similar to that, he believed. He didn't see why that logic couldn't be applied to real life.

So, he picked up his pen..

...

...

He had nothing.

What was he going to do? How can he ask someone out on valentines day, but have nothing to say in the love ballad he was attempting to write? How embarrassing can one be?

His mind began to go through all sorts of possibilities, and he'd rake through the pros and cons of each one with mere facial expressions of disgust of contemptment.

He could ask for help. But then it wouldn't be authentic enough – yet again, even if he did ask for help, he would've claimed that he did it independently with no assistance whatsoever. To look like he was smart and prepared in front of Trophy, and to gain extra attraction points.

His hands would drag over his face as his back pushed against his chair, pen hitting the desk at world record speeds – now, if only it could write on the paper that fast. But his vocabulary was so limited, and felt like it was locked behind a pay wall that he didn't have enough funds to access right now.

Maybe he was better off without a valentine.

Outside Fan's door, Trophy would let his gaze wander for a good few seconds, his brows furrowed in some form of concentration and annoyance. Handing someone a valentines card was the last thing he had been expecting himself to be doing, but he was here now.

The blonde would mutter to himself constantly, looking down at the piece of crumpled paper. It had definitely lived many lives, and had went through more things than Trophy himself had his whole life. He let out a deep sigh, raising up a hand and knocking on the door.

Trophy didn't want to be.. a sap, or anything like that, but his eye had been so focused on Fan for a while now – he found something about the other rather appealing, yet he couldn't put his finger on what it was. Coming to terms with that idea entirely made him want to punch the nearest wall ‐ however, he also had the feeling of butterflies when he thought about it as a whole.

Not that he told anyone. He liked to deal with things on his own instead of having other people butt into it and add their own input, because he only found his own advice useful.

Was he not here?

Trophy could definitely recall his memory. He definitely saw the dork enter his shared room not too long ago, as he had perfectly planned out when he would give his.. crumbled up love letter. He felt his anger slowly begin to bubble at the fact that he may have made a mishap in his plan, and slowly gritted his teeth – but then, the door would fly open with such haste.

"Sorry, just–" Fan paused his sentence to take in who was at the door, and then proceeded to blink twice to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Trophyy.. what's up, dude..?" The word dude wasn't in Fan's vocabulary. He never really used the word, and if he did, it was when he got all awkward and nervous — like right now. His palms were sweating, but he had yet to notice that.

"Took you long enough." Was the response he was given, and he was met with the sharp gaze of the blonde – Fan hadn't really gotten used to him doing that. You never exactly knew what his next words, or next move was going to be.

"I didn't mean to take so long, just.. been busy, I guess." Fan sighed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Whatever." Trophy held out the paper, and kept eye contact, as he wanted to see every little reaction on the others face to his attempt at winning him over for valentines day.

Fan looked down at what he was given.

He'd give himself a minute to let it sink in, and then he silently read the note in hand – his face unconsciously growing warmer by the second. This was a nice gesture.

"So?" Trophy scoffed out into the hall, crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently – though it wasn't showing on his face, Fan had this internal feeling that Trophy was just as flustered as he was. He could see the slight tinge of pink across the others cheeks.

Fan's fingers grazed the printed out picture at the bottom of the page, which was stuck on with what seemed to be glue from when Paintbrush had an arts and crafts workshop not too long ago – as there was also bits of stray glitter near the bottom of the page aswell.

The photo was nothing shabby. Just a picture of him when they had all gone out to the beach – Trophy had brought his camera along that day and had silently been taking pictures of whatever seemed somewhat photogenic to him, and Fan just happened to be in that category. It was quite a nice picture.

"You gonna be my valentine or not?" The question had echoed through his head for what seemed to be forever, until he responded.

He'd hold the paper tightly, and a wide smile formed on his face, arms quickly wrapping around the other to pull him in for a small hug.

Trophy assumed that was a yes, which, it was – glancing around the hall briefly to see if anyone was there, before finally wrapping his own arms around the other for a split second before pulling him off like a stray bug.

"No need for the sappy stuff." He rolled his eyes, as if he didn't enjoy the hug himself, and gave Fan a small smirk in response. Nothing big.

"So.. valentines day?" Fan asked, his fingers tapping against the doorframe quite slowly as he looked at the other for confirmation.

"Yeah, valentines day."

tags ; only befitting because i briefly remember them requesting trophan at one point, i could be wrong, but oh well [ @cloudstongue ]

[candythepuppy]

Guys I came up with another fanfic idea while at work again. 😭

(Monster x Death Note)

Basically, a worldwide news station pops out of nowhere and announces it has been exactly one year since L died and that the current L is a fraud. This mysterious broadcaster then goes on to reveal the truth behind pretty much everything. Using info only L himself could have gathered (mysterious) plus even more small little details L had missed (trust me, I've compiled a list), this broadcaster reveals that Light is Kira. And then as Light is at his most panicked and enraged, the mysterious broadcaster reveals himself: a beautiful blond (who appears no older than 25 despite later revealed to be over 30. Also suspicious.) with the most psychopathic eyes and unbothered smile, deliberately puts his name out there on the heir for all to see. "Johan Leibert," it reads. However, when Light writes it down, nothing happens.

The now unfiltered voice and face of the broadcaster smiles as he points at his forehead, staring the camera down. Now, he speaks directly to Kira. "Do you know how to kill a Shikigami?... Would you like to try?"

After the broadcast ends, Light's mom and sister are dead at home. Shot. Light flees the country with Misa to track down the guy who just ruined his wonderful plans. The only clues he starts with being the mysterious news station stationed in Europe plus the broadcaster's strange connection to L, somehow having access to all the information from his case (we all know how much Johan loves orphanages~). And Light's dad is so distraught by this turn of events it becomes his only goal to track down and bring his son to justice, then write his own name in his death note because he's so darn tired of all this crap.

Plus literally the whole world is after Light now and there are only a few cult-like followers backing him at this point.

On Johan's end, basically he WANTS to die, but, since a Shikigami fell in love with him and changed fate so that Johan wouldn't die, he's forced to live for who knows how long. (Idk if it's canon in death note but in this fic at least the only way to kill someone with an extended lifespan would be with another death note.) And anyways so even Johan doesn't know his real name since he didn't actually hear when Dr. Tenma told him it. So he's hoping that by poking the brilliant Kira down from his throne, he can get Kira/Light to do the dirty work in finding out what his REAL name is and finally puting an end to his life. Which is predictably what Light aims to do.

And as you can imagine, shenanigans ensue.

No way am I writing this fic, tho, I have too many already. 💀

Maybe if I post this tho one of you brilliant saps will write it for me.

[ablinkntime]

MEDIC - Logan bandaging Clarice :>

It was one thing for her to sneak home in the middle of the night; it was entirely another for the girl called Blink not to have simply teleported in, which gave an indication of the state she was in; the sound of tires on the drive outside was still receding as the front door cracked open. Clearly she was trying not to attract attention, but at that she utterly failed. It was late enough that most of the mansion should be asleep, but of course, 'lucky' had never been a suitable word to describe one Clarice Ferguson.

She heard the sniff a moment before she looked up to see the man leaning against the foot of the banister leading upstairs. Logan hadn't exactly intended to catch her in the act of sneaking in, merely been doing his own brand of winding down for the evening when he'd heard a car coming up the access road. Hadn't expected to see Victor's foundling stumble in reeking of blood with her clothes pretty much in tatters.

"Uh... hi."

Logan grunted. "Hi, yourself, Shortcake. Do I hafta ask?"

Clarice sighed, wavered a little on her feet; he held out a hand and she took it, almost immediately transferring her weight to lean into his side. "I can't stay still like this. Gotta work. So I was helpin' Spider-Man deal with some guys, the Wrecking Crew?" Logan was already leading her to the high-speed lift down to the infirmary; her color was off, her heart rate a little unsteady in a way he didn't like. "Anyway I got thrown into a window and then had trouble findin' a friendly paramedic..."

"And, what, you let Webhead try to patch you up?"

She winced as they moved, and fresh blood oozed down her side. "Kinda? It's not like there's a lot of mutant-friendly clinics in the city."

"Kid --"

"I know, Logan," she cut him off, but even that sapped whatever energy she had left; Logan caught her as her legs gave out, hoisting her against his chest.

Oh, Victor was going to have a field day.

~~

"Now don't move too much," he was saying, putting the finishing touch on the gauze patch over the wound in her side. "You're lucky, Shortcake. Another inch deeper and you'd be shoppin' for a new kidney." At least she was awake now, though he could see the way her eyes were hovering on the IV in her arm. Couldn't be helped; she needed to replace the blood she'd lost, needed fluids and painkillers, and the fastest medium was straight to the vein. He could almost hear her itching to rip it out.

Didn't blame her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and Logan scowled, foot hooking a chair so he could pull it over to sit in front of her.

"Don't. I get it. This sittin' still, this takin' it slow, it don't come natural to folks like us. But you can't go lookin' for trouble, either."

"I wasn't," she replied weakly, picking at the edge of the gown she'd woken up in. It didn't bother her that he'd definitely had to strip her down to make sure that one wound was the only one. Whatever was necessary. But she wasn't even sure what her plan had been, sneaking home like that...

It was as if he read her mind. "You know I have to tell 'im, right?" Her face scrunched up, but she nodded. Victor would smell her blood and the antiseptic as soon as Logan went back upstairs. He reached up, hand brushing down her hair lightly. "Try to get some rest."