#screaming into the ethernet

[tricornonthecob]

Craving Liberty’s Kids content, unable to make myself make any atm

[yesioarts]

HI GUYS THIS IS ME BTW I’m yelling into a megaphone😼 About what? That’ll be revealed in mere days tee hee

[diaryofacountrysoul]

3-1-25

Dear diary,

I somehow have found myself in a situation where someone who I attempted to date in the past is not flirting with me again, and I don’t know how to feel about it because he lives on the other side of the country now.

The guy I actually like is as far off limits as it gets because he is my supervisor, and his girlfriend is the head of the wait staff but he calls me angel and sings live songs to me in the kitchen and I think that’s just who he is but it’s not helping me get rid of this stupid crush

I’m still not over A from Georgia as much as I pretend that is was nothing and that’s stupid too.

And W is back to texting me these bipolar texts about how how much he loves me and how everything he did was for me and how everything is my fault but he hopes I’m happy and how I ruined his life but he deserves it.

And my brain knows I’m no where near ready for a relationship given my ex still texts me regularly and my current boss triggered a literal PTSD episode in the kitchen this evening by saying a phrase that R used to say to me all the time before she tore me to sheds and I thought I was getting fired and nearly cried and I’m not over what was practically a glorified one night stand and I’m not even a year out of a relationship with a guy I was semi-engaged to but my heart is stupid and wants cuddles and good morning kisses and I’m tired of sleeping alone in a bed that’s too big.

And I know in the grand scheme of my life and the world these issues are nothing but fuck if I’m not frustrated with me heart for no cooperating with the bigger picture here.

Seeking some answers here diary.

Love,

A Soul

[tricornonthecob]

the first rule of drawing tricorns (cocked hats) is to have fun and be yourself.

The second rule is that you're never fucking going to understand how to draw tricorns because they exist in non-Euclidian space thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.

[arcadequeerz]

Guess whose laptops fucked up again ^_^

[yandere-sins]

Do you think Grim would bite any of the yandere boys for getting too close to his henchman? Like WHAT DO YOU MEAN Rook fucking Hunt bypassed the security system AGAIN. Azul's ass WAS NOT hired as a 'safety inspector'. Yes Kalim we did get the party invite. No Ace you cannot sleep in Ramshackle because Riddle kicked you out again. Actually Idia you can stay, we're having issues with the Ethernet cable again.

Anyways it should NOT be this hard to be a lil guy who just wants to chill with the prefect. The kicker? One of the above is your legitimate love interest but Grim could care less.

Gosh, I love to imagine that! Grim is definitely working against everyone who is being troublesome around his dorm and his henchman! Everyone can stay away, and he makes it clear by snapping for their hands and biting their heels, even if they manage to bypass security initially.

The problem is just that he's actually horrible at it when it counts.

For example, Vil who, without fail, brings him a can of tuna every time he shows up at Ramshackle. He places the can pointedly and with an expression that says he wants to forget about the stench of the tuna immediately, and gets a free entry pass from Grim, who is happy to do business with him.

Grim totally lets Ortho simply come and go. He's just a nice kid, what's the harm?

Leona, who battles Grim in a silent stare-off every time he comes to visit, the two spending multiple minutes watching each other, reading the body language of their tails swishing behind them, until finally, Grim groans and tells Leona to be quick about it. Leona always wins, grinning victoriously as he makes his way to his darling.

Jade and Floyd who have, on multiple occasions, blackmailed, coerced (Jade), and simply grabbed and thrown him across the campus (Floyd) whenever Grim stood between them and their darling. As if someone so small could keep them away from what they want.

The teachers, who established that talks with the students are a private matter just between the teacher and the student. You may want to bring Grim, but they don't want him there. What they are going to talk about and do with you should not concern the little, self-centered cat.

Jamil 100% knows some bizarre methods of relaxing animals from his time working for Kalim. No one knows what it is and how he's doing it so damn fast, but once Grim is contently asleep, he has free access to you. After that, Grim won't wake up for a long time, not even hearing you scream from across the room.

Malleus just walks in. What's Grim supposed to do? Stop him?

Literally, the only people Grim stops are the obviously desperate ones since they are careless. But even Rook and Ace have bribed him before, so if you really want to be safe, maybe don't rely on Grim to always have your back :'D

[tricornonthecob]

Yes I am Seymour, no I am not going to do any self-reflection.

Is this a thing?

[diaryofacountrysoul]

2-27-25

Dear diary,

Today is yet another day where I add another reason to my list of reasons why my former boss can such my….. toes. I worked under for for almost 2 years, and while putting up with and navigating a life where I lived and breathed the worst of the worst, assisting victims of violence and witnessing more horrors than I knew was possible, nothing came close to what that woman who called herself my boss did to me. Her actions towards me made what some of my clients stories look like a daydream. Fast forward now, seven months after that woman fired me because I reported her for using meth in our shelter, my current boss just texted me and I… for lack of better words, had a PTSD episode over him telling me he wanted to talk to me about how good of a job I’ve been doing. Nervous sweats, shakes, stuttering, I couldn’t even type properly, full panic attack over a compliment. I did not know this would happen, had no idea I would react this way, but here I am, reacting like I just got told I had 24 hrs to live over a complement. So yeah, frick you R.W..

Love,

A Soul

[flwrkid14]

The Batfamily’s Christmas List Tradition (and how Tim gets lost in it)

The Batfamily has a long-standing Christmas tradition: the List. With so many members in the family, it’s a necessity. Everyone writes down what they want (within reason, of course), and the list serves as the ultimate gift guide. It’s efficient, especially for such a big family, and it ensures no one ends up with seven pairs of socks or the same gadget twice.

Tim takes the list seriously. It’s his chance to ask for the small, thoughtful things he wouldn’t usually splurge on for himself. Things like:

New makeup brushes. His old ones are worn out and falling apart, and it’s not until he’s on a mission that requires cross-dressing that he realizes just how bad they’ve gotten. Having a new, high-quality set would make everything feel a little smoother—and maybe even a little fun.

Cozy hoodies. Between Wayne Enterprises business casual and his Robin gear, Tim rarely gets the chance to wear something soft and comforting. His favorite hoodies are all fraying at the edges, with loose threads on the pockets and fabric that’s stretched too thin. A fresh one would feel like a luxury.

A new game console. Tim is rarely ever not working, but on those rare days off, he realizes he doesn't have much to entertain him that's not work related, that doesn't require him to leave his nest. Plus, it’s a great way to connect with his siblings during low-stakes, playful nights.

Nice coffee cups or tumblers. His caffeine habits are legendary, but the chipped and mismatched mugs he uses don’t exactly scream "Tim Drake." A sleek, stylish tumbler or a high-quality ceramic mug would elevate the most important part of his day.

Random indulgences. Books, stationery, weighted blankets, maybe a nice figuring from his favorite movie, a cool gadget he wouldn’t think to buy himself—little things that spark joy and make him feel cared for, anything he knows his own parents would have never bought for him to help heal his inner child. He's never had the luxury of writing such lists before becoming a Wayne.

Tim doesn’t just take the list seriously for himself; he makes sure to go the extra mile for his family, too. He’s always had a knack for gift-giving, and he loves curating the perfect presents for his siblings. For Dick, it might be a rare vinyl of his favorite band. For Jason, an antique first-edition book he’d mentioned once in passing. For Damian, something handmade and unique, like a custom leather-bound sketchbook or a rare art supply. Tim remembers the little things—the throwaway comments, the subtle preferences—and builds his gifts around them, ensuring every box under the tree feels deeply personal.

But Christmas rolls around… and none of the thought Tim puts into his gifts is reflected in what he receives.

Instead, he gets tech. More tech. External hard drives, cables, chargers—things he already has backups for because, well, he’s Tim. He doesn’t need more, and he didn’t ask for more.

And the worst part? It’s not that they’re bad gifts. It’s that the family assumes they know him so well that they don’t even look at his list.

“Tim’s the tech guy,” they think. “Of course he’d want more tech.”

But he doesn’t.

He’s grateful, of course—Tim is always grateful—but there’s a hollowness that creeps in every year when he unwraps another stack of USB drives and ethernet cables. It’s not about the gifts themselves. It’s about the realization that the people he loves, the people who should know him best, don’t see him the way he wants to be seen.

In a way, it feels painfully familiar. Janet had always made sure his presents as a child reflected her vision for him, not what he actually wanted. New tailored suits instead of the hoodies or tees he longed for. Sleek, professional office stationery to replace his Robin-themed pens and notebooks. Vintage collectibles meant to sit on a shelf, collecting dust, instead of toys he could actually play with. The gifts always came with a message: who he should be, not who he was. And now, even with the bats, the gifts still feel like expectations—like they see him as "the tech guy" rather than Tim, with all his quiet wants and overlooked needs.

So, Tim starts dreading Christmas. Not because he doesn’t love his family or the season, but because it reminds him of how little they seem to notice the little things about him.

And maybe one year, he stops adding personal things to the list altogether. Maybe he starts asking for tech, just to avoid the disappointment.

But deep down, he wishes someone—anyone—would surprise him with a new hoodie, a weighted blanket, or a set of makeup brushes. Something that says, “I see you, Tim. I really see you.”

[backwardshatnick]

𝖽𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺: 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖽𝗂𝗈

in which they achieved their daily steps on a first date.

pairing: call centre representative!matt x customer!reader wc: 2.4k notes: yayyyy, they finally went out on a first date! click here for the masterlist :) divider by strangergraphics <3

It was an early afternoon, the campus skies still painted bright blue with the university buildings casting great grey shadows on the concrete. The steps outside the Physics department were littered with tired students, dark circles visible as they dragged themselves out of the exam hall with the leftover energy they had from their 7th can of Red Bull this morning. Among the horde of hoodie-wearing students was Peony, clutching a crumpled formula sheet with a half-melted Cadbury bar and a plastic ruler placed in the pocket of her cream-coloured flannel.

And then she saw him.

Matt stood a little ways off, just past the bike rack, the curls on his hair springing out in all directions underneath his green fitted cap, clad in a matching green and beige flannel while he held something awkwardly behind his back as he almost tripped at an unsuspecting curb.

“Oh, crap,” she muttered under her breath, approaching with small and slow strides, “Please don’t tell me that’s—”

“A Peony for your thoughts?” Matt blurted out, stepping forward with a slightly crooked smile and revealing a slightly-too-large bouquet of pink peonies and a few white baby’s breath at the sides, all wrapped together in sandy cellophane.

Peony blinked in confusion, a laugh threatening to leave her rosy lips, “That’s a lot of thoughts,” now mentally counting the amount of peonies that were in the bouquet.

They were nine stems of it.

“I panicked,” he truthfully admitted, his left free hand scratching the back of his neck, “I was going to get just four of them but the florist scolded and upsold me. Saying some stuff about even stalks being bad luck or for funerals and something about baby’s breath symbolising innocence and purity… or whatever.”

She now stared at the bouquet before moving on to look at Matt, whose cheeks crept red and more crimson when their eyes met, “You researched flower symbolism?”

“What, no!” he deadpanned and cleared his throat upon realising the crass tone, “I got bullied by an old lady in a gardening apron and hat. Consider this a post-exam reward.”

A small smile twitched at the corner of Peony’s mouth, sincere and warm but heart still stubborn to thank him, choosing to tease instead.

“You do realise that giving someone flowers after an exam doesn’t undo the trauma, right?”

Shrugging, Matt passed the flowers further into Peony’s hands, “What can I say? As a Comms major, bringing gifts is still a form of communication.”

Peony finally took the bouquet into her embrace, careful to not let the brittle baby’s breath and peony petals from falling apart and careful to not let Matt see her flushed pink cheeks as she hid herself behind the wrapping paper, “Thanks, Bernard.”

He groaned and playfully rolled his eyes, “Are we really not done with that yet?”

“Well, it’s kind of hard to forget a guy who flirted with me through Ethernet puns.”

“God, please just delete that,” he answered, regret evident in his voice as he led the way to walk towards the quad, “Anyway, real-life me is way cooler. Or, like… slightly less prone to internet flirting. Trust.”

“Noted,” she grinned, “I do miss Bernard, though. He was so mysterious and so dreamy. All tech bro vibes. And you? You just tripped on a curb.”

“I was distracted! I was holding out a bouquet with your name screaming all over it, it’s an awful lot for a man to handle!”

Peony finally snapped and let out the chuckle that she had been keeping in, finally understanding that Matt did not need to be a time traveller to hand her the flowers prior to her exam, because his presence after battling pages and pages of drawings and calculations was more than enough to make her forget what the formulas that she had now folded in her jeans were about.

They kept on walking, the air buzzing not only with fluffy dandelion ‘parachutes’, but lowkey with giddiness. The awkward tension of a first date between them accompanied the late spring atmosphere, a metaphor towards something that was about to blossom.

Peony and Matt walked side-by-side along the trees and square, passing by some sculptures and statues of great American physicists and chemists in silence, until she nudged him playfully with her elbow. He shifted his focus from the figures and looked at her and smiled, a little unsure, but certain of one thing.

He enjoyed this.

And Peony who was holding a bouquet of her namesake flowers and was pretending to not notice how close their hands were brushing against each other, was certain that she enjoyed this, too.

Though Peony had promised that she would be picking the place and Matt who tried to act confident had trusted her, it was a big mistake on their part.

Why?

Because fifteen minutes after meeting outside the Physics building— Peony with the soft pink peonies awkwardly cradled in her arms and Matt with his long fingers of silver rings shoved in his pockets, they somehow had already circled the same courtyard at least three times.

“I swear it was open the last time I passed by it,” she defended herself, pointing at the closed bakery door, “Or are they just closed because finals are almost done.”

Trying to reduce the strain, Matt cracked a joke using his best breezy and nonchalant voice, “It’s totally fine, Peony. Circling buildings is a great way to build suspense. And I like suspense.”

“This is hella humiliating.”

“Well, I’m just glad I’ve worn in these Nikes. I feel like I’ve done a billion steps already and we haven’t even sat down.”

Shooting him a guilty look, Peony answered, “I did say I’d pick. So that’s on me. Sorry, Matt.”

“And I believed you, so that’s on me too.”

The both of them paused again in the middle of a random square, both looking left and right for a miraculous place that they have yet to notice and pass by throughout the time that they had been circling campus as the gentle midday breeze rustled her braid and Matt's small silver hoops.

A random college freshman who was riding a rented yellow electric scooter had whooshed past by, the side pocket of his backpack carrying a teal Tupperware bottle, its body condensing with beads of water, tempting Matt’s dry throat.

“Okay. You know what? We’re going back to the campus café, where you work. I need a lemonade from them before I go feral,” he said, not waiting for an answer as he pulled Peony’s hand into a gentle grip before the gaps between her fingers were filled with his while she bit back a smile, heart racing unquestionably at his naive gesture.

As per usual, the main entrance to the Coffybara always jingled whenever a patron walks in and Peony had immediately covered her head with her grey hoodie and the bouquet when they went in the café.

But it was too late.

From behind the counter, Hessie, who was lucky enough to finish her exams a week earlier than Peony, had already clocked the flowers, the awkward tension and the way that Matt tried to stand like a normal person and failed.

“Well, well, well,” she sing-songed, “Who do we have here?”

Matt blinked and kept his fingers crossed in his jeans pocket when met with the brightly lit brown eyes of Hessie’s, “Please don’t bully me by calling me Bernard.”

Hessie gave the both of them a knowing smirk until Peony had cracked to give her an answer.

“I- I didn’t pick this place. He did.”

“Guilty,” Matt replied, taking out his right hand from his pocket to raise it, “I am in dire need of your passionfruit lemonades again.”

Once Matt had gotten his lemonade and Peony with her hot hazelnut latte toasting her hands, both of them exited the coffee shop and settled for a wooden bench a few blocks away from the building, the view of the parking lot and the faded lavender and sleepy orange skies greeting them alongside the sunset chorus of birds flying past to head to their breeding grounds.

“I’m never showing my face there anymore,” Peony said, removing the grey hood of her jumper underneath her beige flannel, causing her hair to look even more tousled than it was from the wind.

Matt swallowed a large sip of his ice cold lemonade and turned to Peony, fixing the strand of her hair that had somehow found its way to stick on her forehead, “It was worth it though. Want a sip of my lemonade?”

"No thanks, I've made enough of your drinks to know what they taste like. You really have a kid's taste buds, Matt."

He scoffed, taken aback at Peony's remark, "Well, you have a granny's taste buds then with that lukewarm drink of yours."

"Hey!"

"So when exactly was the last time you passed by that bakery?" Matt asked, his right shaking the leftover ice in his plastic cup as they both continued walking around the courtyard of the adjoining campus where it bore the main library and a multitude of buildings for Biochemical research.

Peony laughed awkwardly, the rise and fall of her chuckles sounding a tad bit too abashed, "Now that I think of it... Maybe it was in freshman year?"

Matt stared at the wrapped bouquet in her clutch and looked at her in disbelief, "This is how you repay someone for upsold flowers, Peony? With an accidental cardio?"

"I'm just helping you achieve your daily goals. Gotta build character and calves too in the process."

For a moment, they continued striding in silence, Matt kicking stray rocks away from his path while Peony let the breeze gently tug at her flannel where it carried the familiar faint smell of the café.

After adjusting the sleeves of his own flannel and fidgeting with its buttons, Matt finally asked, "So, how was your exam today?"

"Good," she nodded, "Thankfully the exam hall didn't smell like burnt erasers like how it usually does when we have to take our exams. Didn't cry one bit too today."

"Solid A+ performance," he answered, solemnly impressed, "I only got to cry internally today because I forgot my own username for work."

"That's because you have a lot of names, Matthew!"

"I so do not!" Matt defended himself, "The form asked for a professional pseudonym so we won't get doxxed that easily and all I could think about was my own middle name. And my grandpa's."

She laughed, the sound tittering sharp and bright like a skipping stone in a pond, until she faced him, "You don't sound like a Bernard though."

"Yeah? What do I sound like then?"

Peony was about to give him a fully honest answer, but her half-open mouth had closed itself again, giving him a pause which was followed by a cheeky smirk, "Someone who talks too much with his fingers and fails to give a real Insta username. Absolute ghosting king."

Matt almost choked over his own saliva, blinking before answering, "Hey! Listen, I was just— Fuck, sorry, okay. I had a whole plan going on but I just, let's say, lost the momentum."

"Sure, Bernard."

"Don't you dare start this again," he warned.

The peonies had held up surprisingly well in her grasp, the petals still upright and ravishing with its inner whorl still intact.

But the human Peony was the absolute complete opposite. During their mindless walk back to Peony’s campus, she had already started shaking her feet in between saunters, similar to how a dog would shake off excess water from its paw. Matt noticed the slight limp in her walk and grabbed her arm to let her pause.

“I can drive you home if you’d like,” he offered.

She blinked at him before shaking her head, “That’s fine. We’re just two blocks away from my dorm, anyway. Are you tired?”

“Nope,” Matt denied, “I’ll walk you home. Gentleman’s honour.”

He flicked his eyes towards his hand where it had recently clutched on Peony’s arm and shifted lower to where her hand was, staring at it for half a second as if considering something— until he chickened out.

The air had cooled just slightly, the both of them walking out together with their hands crossed over their chest and through the gusts of air Peony said, trying to sound nonchalant, “So… Thanks for wanting to be dragged across campus against your own will.”

“And thank you for not calling campus security to report a suspicious man with too many flowers in hand,” Matt answered, the lopsided smile on his face bright and genuine.

Pausing at the fork in the sidewalk where the road splits to the student housing and the students’ car park, they both had uttered the same word at the same time.

“Well,” they echoed, “Wait, you go first.”

“No, you!”

“You!”

Peony glanced at him through her lashes and teased, “Damn, you still talk too much for a nervous guy.”

“I am still nervous,” he admitted, regret catching up after as he allowed the words to digest in his head.

She blinked for quite a bit, letting the silent settle in until she gave him her signature smile, “Good. Maybe keep it that way. Thanks for the flowers... And goodnight, Matty.”

Peony turned and walked away, slowly but steadily with the bouquet bobbing slightly with each step she took on the staircase leading up to the main entrance.

Matt sent her off with a goodbye wave, not leaving until he made sure that Peony was safe and sound in the lobby of her dorm. Once she rounded the corner with the turnstile letting her in, he finally moved and rubbed his hands together, attempting to warm them as the giddiness coursed through his veins, rendering him weak in the knees.

He strode towards an empty wooden bench by the rubbish bins, now taking a seat as he pulled his phone out of his pocket to send her a DM whilst giggling.

Next time, Im picking the place. No cardio. Just you, me and a table in the middle of a restaurant that actually exists.

His thumb hovered over the send button, but he was not hesitant on sending his message this time, knowing for sure that Peony was the one. With a soft tap on his phone screen, Matt continued his walk home to his car grinning like an absolute fool.

additional notes (lol): the part where matt's buying peony flowers is sorta inspired by @immaqulate's florist!matt bot! i always find myself reminded of it (because it's just that good!!!) and i remember there was a part where he talked about flower symbolism when i was messing with it. also idk if i like this enough..... it seemed too awkward & unrealistic to me sdjhsjds

📤 @httpssturns @oopsiedaisydeer @slvtf0rchr1s @courta13 @a103-chris-mm @mattspillowprincess @izzylovesmatt @loverboysturn

[time4resus-blog]

This is my first real post back. My personal life took a huge downturn a while back and I just haven’t been in a good mental space to write. With that said, things are getting better and I think I can constructively let the darkness out a bit, under close supervision. I hope you enjoy.

***Trigger Warnings: CnC, Violence, Dark Cardiophilia ***

The clacking of the keys on my keyboard drifted down the hall. I was furiously typing a reply to a last minute email, which had promised “only a few minutes of your time is needed” over two hours ago. That bitch Rachel in accounting was demanding yet another change to the upcoming software release. Apparently “the amount of clicks required to accomplish basic tasks is excessive. More automation is required.” That was her way of saying “I’m too damned lazy to do my job so I want someone to do it for me.”

At this point I was the only one left in IT, the rest of our crew having abandoned me to my fate two hours back. I knew that most everyone else was also gone for the long holiday weekend. Hell, ninety percent of the company had left at three and I hardly doubted that there were five or six people left in the building. Happily I’d be done in another few minutes and I could race to catch the last train of the night. If I missed it I’d have to pay for a cab back to the suburbs and that would be pricey.

I could hear her saying goodbye to the rest of her team as they walked down the hall. She promised to get drinks with them sometime over the weekend but begged off plans for tonight. She said something about meeting some friends from out of town and then swore as she said she’d forgotten her purse. The others turned to leave and Rachel caught sight of me and she grinned that sorority president’s smile.

“I need that change done for the 8am directors meeting on Monday. I know it’s last minute but I already approved the overtime with Mr Farris. He said to use whatever resources I needed but that if we don’t have that implemented on time that heads would roll.”

I stared at her and tried to remember that she couldn’t possibly know just how impossible that was. My entire team was hours gone now. Sure I could do it alone but I’d be in the office until early morning and then I’d have to stay in the city overnight.

“Look Rachel I’d love to help but…”

“I knew I could count on you!” She interrupted. Then she turned her perky little ass around and headed for her desk.

I just stood there slack jawed as she went. She didn’t care a damned but that id be stuck there, or that I might have had plans, or about anything except her stupid automation and proving just how much better she was than us mere mortals that didn’t sleep under Greek letters.

I can’t tell you now what went through my mind. Honestly I don’t remember going down the hall, or deciding I’d had enough. Not just enough of her either, but enough of everyone! As I walked down the hall there wasn’t another living soul in sight, the entire office was now empty except for me and Rachel, and soon it would be just me.

I saw her walking toward the door, reaching in her purse for something, probably her phone, and I took the opportunity. I wrapped the ends of the blue Ethernet cable around my hands and left slack in the middle. As she passed me spun around and threw my arms over her head and jerked hard. The cable bit into her throat and her hands instinctively went to the cable that was strangling her.

I crossed my wrists and pulled tighter. I couldn’t see her eyes but I imagined them darting around, bulging as she panicked. She fell back into me and we both tumbled to the ground, with her kicking and flailing. I think she would have been screaming too but the best she could manage was a gurgling sound. She’d always talked too much anyway, no great loss there.

It couldn’t have been long, but it felt like an eternity as we struggled. She for life, and me for death. Finally she went limp and slumped over. I rolled her onto her back and put my fingers to her carotid. There was a faint pulse there, which is exactly what I wanted.

I dragged her to a more secluded spot in the office, where nobody would come across us if they just happened to come back for some forgotten item. With her laid out on the floor I unbuttoned her pink blouse. The white skirt she was wearing rode high on her thighs and the lace bra underneath her blouse spoke volumes on what activity she’d planned with her “out of town friend.”

I pulled the AED from its case on the wall and unzipped the cover. The plastic box and pads sat there, begging for someone to save. Too bad Rachel still had a pulse, but soon I’d fix that. I straddled her narrow hips and knelt over her. Those perky breasts and tight stomach were exquisite, just waiting for the “friend” to come along.

I put both of my hands over her nose and mouth and pressed hard. Her eyes flew open again as she thrashed on the floor, trying to buck me off. She clawed at my face and hands as her chest caved in, trying to suck down air she couldn’t get. I pressed down harder as she got desperate. I can only imagine how she felt as the oxygen in her blood grew stale, replaced with more and more carbon dioxide. I imagine her vision faded first, edged with black and then blurring. The fire in her chest must have been unbearable as her lungs cried out. And then she would have felt her heart begin to stutter and skip as she slowly faded. I like to think that she felt her heart stop, going from steady to erratic and eventually quivering uselessly in her chest.

“Now the fun begins” I whispered in her ear

[tricornonthecob]

Out of rabid scientific curiosity I'm buying a scythe.

[redlettermediathings]

Tell me about it!!! Sometimes the things you think are part of what you are thinking really aren’t not in it. In this newest episode of Best of the Worst Wheel of the Worst, the boys are back to spin the wheel to watch three actual old; dusty VHS tapes. Media that time has forgotten to the ages of time. Mike, Jay, Rich and Tim enjoy three tapes watched on an HDTV screen played via a VHS tape player (Video Tape Player), recorded onto a digital ethernet server, then edited into a video on a computer, uploaded to a YouTube server, and then watched by YOU on your phone, laptop, TV, or Xenowatch™. The theme of this episode is weirdos and a well intentioned man who just loves balloons but not so much the gym. Sorry if that spoiled anything for you, but yes it did. When does this end, oh lord? When will it end? When will you call me back to your kingdom so I can stop doing this? Every time I walk into our studio after cleansing my colon, having a neat glass of 25-year Macallan - chased by a vicod*n, often times I think I’m ready for the day. The problem today is that I was all out of Macallan and pills. I had to face this alone. Sober. And by “sober” I mean filled with pathetic beer that’s 5% to 6.8% ABV. Seriously folks, If I’m drinking beers in that range I might as well be drinking diet cokes like that pus*y loser Rich Evans. The man is so scared of getting a little F*ucked up, he’s wasted nearly his whole life by not numbing reality. There’s no better joy in life than losing control of yourself and your stomach contents on a crowded bus. Yes. I take the bus home from BOTW shoots because I totaled my car after having a nice; neat glass of Macallan, a vicod*n and 8 beers all pushing 10%. Maybe some other stuff, but can’t mention that. Do I have a problem? One might say yes, but the REAL question is: have you seen some of these videos we watch? I’m honestly not surprised Rich isn’t a full-blown alcoholic or raging drug addict. One turns to substances after the things we’ve seen. We all know Jack is sober, but his real drug is embarrassment. Rich's vice is Diet Cokes and self-hated. He’s so filled with carcinogens, he’ll be the only human to have 100% cancer cells while still suffering the never-ending existence of watching bad tapes on a red couch while his ugly, fat “friend” makes fun of his dead grandmother. Rich's body and the spirit of pure evil won't let him die.None of this is healthy to be honest. I don’t know what Jay does to cope. He seems pretty happy. Drinks light. Occasionally I’ll catch him outside SCREAMING on the phone some of the most horrific and violent things you can imagine. One time I saw him punching a kid. I don’t know whose kid it was? I think it may have been his kid, but he’s never mentioned it. Later that week he attended a child’s funeral, but that was the last I heard of it and I’ve always been afraid to ask. All of the statements in this video description have been 100% honest and accurate.

[porcelain-rob0t]

the ethernet at my job is still not working im gonna start screaming and crying

[tricornonthecob]

tag games are fun thnx

15 people, 15 questions

thanks for the tag, @permanenthistorydamage

1. are you named after anyone?

no

2. when was the last time you cried?

Like five people I know and love died in the past two years, I don't keep track of that any more.

3. do you have kids?

No thank you, I'm happy enough with nephews.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

I did MMA in college (even fought in three amateur cage fights, 3-0 baybeee)

5. do you use sarcasm?

who, me?

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

their current mood! And I will spend alot of energy trying to determine it if I can't immediately do so.

7. what’s your eye color?

brown

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I don't see how these are mutually exclusive or at all related to each other but happy endings has more dirty joke potential, so happy endings ayyyyyy.

9. any talents?

I'm told I draw gud and make people laugh.

10. where were you born?

Somewhere in the midwest USA (oooooo I'll never tell!!)

11. what are your hobbies

fishing, horseback riding, writing, procrastinating, wondering if I'm lazy.

12. do you have any pets?

A cat. I used to have lizards and I miss them.

13. how tall are you?

5'0. I am the size of a very large child.

I like to say 4'12" and see how people react. The number of people who get genuinely angry is really quite silly.

14. favorite subject in school?

As long as it wasn't math I was happy (dat discalculia pain), but I gravitated to history and art of course.

15. dream job

what I'm doing now but with more money.

lol Not gonna tag 15 ppl but uhhhh I'll tag the ones I usually tag, @iamthemaestro @discocandles, @18thcenturythirsttrap, and anybody who wants to join

15 people, 15 questions

thanks for the tag, @what-in-sams-hell! :)

1. are you named after anyone?

nope!

2. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday because i thought about one of my cats dying. 💀

3. do you have kids?

they're not for me, thanks!

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

I played basketball in junior high many moons ago. 🌙

5. do you use sarcasm?

occasionally!

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

their overall ✨vibe✨

7. what’s your eye color?

green.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

both???!

9. any talents?

writing!

10. where were you born?

Long Island.

11. what are your hobbies

writing, reading, and listening to music. you know, the basics. 😅

12. do you have any pets?

six cats!

13. how tall are you?

5'7

14. favorite subject in school?

English ages ago, now that I'm back in school finishing my degree it's a combination of English, History, and Anthropology courses.

15. dream job

i don't dream of labor but if we're being realistic, working in a museum or an archive...or both!

tagging (certainly not 15 people): @dearxtallxboy, @my-deer-friend, @permanenthistorydamage, @nordleuchten, & anyone else who would like to participate. :)