#segments so jelly...

[fatuismooches]

just failed miserably in cooking my first ever proper meal so here I am, projecting onto Dottore 🤧

Dottore himself may be a downright terrible cook, but what about his segments? I like to imagine that (almost) all of them are just as bad, if not worse. If you thought Prime shouldn’t be allowed in a kitchen, look at Beta!! Bro’s more likely to win the lottery than make something edible 😭

Imagine that Zandy is the exception to this culinary curse - he’s Reader’s assistant chef and baker, and ALWAYS knows what he’s doing, even without the recipe! It baffles and seriously irritates the other segments.

- Night anon

Naturally, as Dottore's other selves, the segments share his traits - the desire for knowledge, an analytical mind, blasphemous thoughts - but also fatal hands that cause disasters in the kitchen. Of course, you've banned them from the premises 99% of the time, but on occasion, you still like letting them in, in an attempt to teach them, which usually goes south.

Beta is even worse than Prime due to his general demeanor. See, at least Dottore, in his older age, has far more patience regarding different things than his younger self, and he also yields to you more as he acknowledges your expertise, dutifully following your instructions and steps (and still making absolute slop). But the segment, although possessing patience for his experiments, tends to lack that trait when it comes to other things. Therefore, when he's placed into situations where he has little interest or experience, Beta's patience runs thin. He's also not very gentle, so there will be lots of clanking, grumbling, and an explosion. You will feel nervous with him in the kitchen because of how hard he's glaring at the poor ingredients. Although he likes keeping his hands active, this time he'd much rather sit back and let you handle this...

Having Omega in the kitchen is the funniest simply due to the nature of the segment. The arrogant and mighty segment, wisdom and strength rivaling the Archons, the one who can make the impossible possible... so many grand achievements under his belt... except when it comes to making a meal. Although he loves to spend time with you (especially snatching it away from the others), Omega always expertly comes up with an excuse when you invite him to help you cook. Despite the urge to prove you wrong, he very much knows of his lack of talent for cooking and how you will make fun of him at any chance, and his ego cannot take that. Therefore, he usually just hoists you on the counter and kisses you to get you to stop talking.

You always knew precious Zandy was special, and his baffling lack of explosions in the kitchen was definitely a part of it. Initially, you were quite scared to let him in, considering that grown men are doing so terribly, you can't imagine what the poor kid would go through! But what do you know, the little boy seems to lack the curse his older selves possess! You don't really understand why either, but you're just happy one blue-haired silly is able to help you make yummy treats. Even though some of the other segments are grumpy about it, you help Zandy get a bit closer to them by having him offer the sweets. You think it's working... slowly, at least. It's especially endearing when Prime, Zandy, and you are together. It's awkward at first, but Prime supposes even he has something to learn from his child self. That is why he made the segments after all... but for things other than baking.

[hobidyllic]

okay who put randy and drew up to this?? genuenly, who thought this was a good idea??

[stuck-in-jelly]

Worst trope is child savior and the adults who wish it needn’t be them, the adults who try desperately to claw the burden onto their own backs, who have to watch a child lose their childhood to destiny or whatever cruel fate choose them to carry it instead

[brown-little-robin]

another collage for Rudy!!

I like this one better than the first one :} the imagery of pomegranates and pomegranate jelly works better for him than strawberries. The heart dice, of course, evoke his unstable situation and his reliance on love and social bonds. I love the happily pining clown :') and the clown shoes, of course. The picnic blanket—he would have one of those, and he kind of is a picnic blanket at heart. The meat heart is delightfully unsettling and gives just a bit of a hint at the themes of Rudy's stories >:}

[scare-ard--sleigh]

1 week until penguin week and i've got 4/7 prompts totally done, one maybe half done, and one a solid 1/3rd done please clap

[no-144444]

mclaren masterlist!

oscar piastri

false starts and unthinkable mistakes Oscar comes to you at the end of a bad race

debuts and podiums how oscar celebrates after your first race, and first win.

mishaps online oscar accidentally posts a nude online the night before your big concert and launch. oops.

red flag you get in an accident on track

the disgraced pop princess oscar is your salvation after things so horribly wrong

-> his disgraced pop princess oscar is there for you through your first real GP weekend and everything else, of course

my girl fans made a youtube compilation of oscar and you being in love since your prema days.

slip-up oscar slips up about your wedding

pointe shoes and racecars you and oscar had grown up together, and grown apart. now you're teaching him ballet for a mclaren video. will you two reconnect?

family fights you and oscar were never meant to be together, lando made that clear. one night changes everything, then another changes it again.

accident prone oscar comes home one night hurt, how do you deal with it?

bad day you had an awful day, but at least you're coming home to him.

Stoic much? oscar might be too good at the whole 'keeping a secret' thing. like, really good.

wallflowers like flowers too you never thought you'd find love, especially not with your best friend at his sister's wedding.

chancer Can he figure out who you are at the masquerade ball before you leave forever?

mark my words mark (webber) 'slips up' about your marriage.

nothing bad! the sprint pisses you off, ted's notebook catches you at a bad time, you say some things, oscar posts some things, and it ends up being one of the most popular ad campaigns in history. oops.

quick tweet, big problem you and oscar are together, but the world doesn't need to know you're engaged. lando decides they do.

knowing me, knowing you you're a broadway star, and oscar has to know everything about a topic for the 'anything but F1' segment. win-win when his girlfriend is in the public eye.

gymming oscar doesn't want you going to the gym

then we can breaking up sucks.

first kisses being jack wolff's nanny is a pretty sick gig, especially when your old friend is an f1 driver and is interested in you...

-> first dinners being jack wolff's nanny is a pretty sick gig... only when your boss (/ father figure) isn't trying to interrogate your new boyfriend. (18+)

-> vampire oscar gets a new nickname...

guilt tripping oscar asks something of you that you know you can't do. you do it anyway and it ends in you two almost breaking up. almost.

farm girl what's a better way to a guys attention than shouting at him for being too slow?

sweating oscar has been acting strange

mixup oscar gets a bit jelly when you and franco get close

guilty oscar gets a bit worried about you when you start overworking yourself

get through it oscar's there for you after you loose your mom.

the trouble with racing at the first race of the season, oscar figures something out that could change his life forever.

-> different the differences are starting to show ow that oscar is going to be present in mia's life, and in turn, yours. -> the fuck up the silence has become loud in the mclaren garage now they're back from their week-long break. what's making oscar so miserable? lando wants to get to the bottom of it... -> miami blues for some reason he took lando's advice, it doesn't go horribly... kinda -> miami reds nerves, bravery, a tense conversation, and a scream into a pillow

marriage talk oscar answers random questions for mclaren's instagram, not once did he think it would take him down this road...

family game night family game night in the off-season

hab oscar's experience of being your mechanic, and you winning on his birthday

new meetings oscar is terrified for you to meet his family, funnily enough, you already know a few of them...

kind man the aftermath of the australian grand prix...

birthday boy no one likes to be disappointed on their birthday

all roads lead home oscar misses you while your gone

the oscars you bring your own oscar to the oscar's!

expecting the unexpected saudi arabia and oscar piastri mix well.

dear god 2 years after he's seen you, and you're still both thinking the same thing... (18+)

sunscreen oscar isn't jealous, but he's not not jealous either. you remind him why he has no reason to be

baby fever you say something, and it tips his world upside down

changed man 3 times you realised oscar had changed, and 1 you understood why

so good your best friend wins his home GP, but your boyfriend gets fucked up by a time penalty. (18+)

lovefool oscar piastri has been in love with his best friend for years. she's buried all her feelings for him for years, and has set her sights on finding love elsewhere. what happens when he finally (accidentally) confesses?

lando norris

mistakes the aftermath of the Hungarian gp

family issues lando (and his mum) are there for you during a difficult time.

catch-up lando after monza

the break up of the century you and lando break up on horrible terms, could a new album and a special performance bring you tow back together?

making moves Lando and you don't exactly get along and now you're quitting, he'll surely take it well, right?

misguided mishaps One bed between you and your brother's best friend… what could go wrong? (18+)

was it casual? the seriousness of your relationship wasn't exactly clear... leading to unforseen circumstances... (18+)

3 minutes lando overshoots an overtake, and you go off the track. what then ensues is the most stressful and awful 3 hours of his life.

2 hands your stunt-driver pulled out the day before the shoot, good thing you're dating an f1 driver. (18+)

risotto brazil was shit

prince charming lando brings his niece to the ballet, who knew he'd find love?

holidate Y/n, who gets mocked for being single, finds the perfect solution when she meets Lando, an F1 driver. Now she has the perfect date for her holidays, but her heart starts yearning for something more.

"oh yeah?" you and lando go out to celebrate his win and the championship, but you run into someone...

prison, not a promise lando proposes and it doesn't go as planned...

don't embarrass me you and lando have a fight on NYE

total wipe out lando has a chance encounter that changes his life

nothing to say based off of harry and karen's story in love actually

who's he? you've always been more famous, but now jack whitehall has decided to address it

cheeky he takes care of you whilst you are ill (emetophobia warning!)

revolving door he keeps coming back...

making it up he's one annoying guy

series

our favourite presenter, y/n y/l/n! f1 grid x reader x oscar piastri

Presenting… y/n y/l/n Tweets about our favourite F1 commentator!

Judgy McJudgy Pants or Osc? You decide! you and oscar are getting closer, or are you?

dangerous media things go downhill fast as you fall, and he has to catch you. what makes it worse is what he says after…

lies and flights you two have a moment, the moment ends, and so does something else...

confronting a confrontation in a hotel room doesn't go so well thanks to Franco's loud mouth...

reconcile you're reminded of a promise you made...

playing favourites masterlist

your first season as an f1 driver doesn't start the best, and you quickly realise McLaren doesn't like women very much. On top of that, your race engineer is as smug as the rest of them, and you have to deal with him all the time.

pairing: race engineer! oscar piastri x f1driver! fem! reader

twists and turns masterlist

lando norris was a preppy asshole in secondary school, and you were the girl he despised. years later, you're a hot-shot sports lawyer rewriting the rules of the sport he calls home, and your paths cross, whether you want them to or not.

pairing: lando norris x fem! lawyer! reader

faking it au masterlist

all's fair in love and fake relationships, yet Lando Norris somehow still finds a way to play dirty. you need the cash, he needs the popularity and to keep his name out of f1 gossips pages mouths. enter, the perfect, frustrating, awful relationship.

pairing: lando norris x fem! actress! reader

navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[gatorbites-imagines]

ORDER UP

gimmie uhhhhhhhhhhhh a mark x alien male reader and mark has to teach the reader earth social norms

THANKS PAPA FOR FEEDING ME

Mark Grayson x Alien male reader 

Headcanons 

I almost made reader something like Jean Jacket from the movie Nope, or the aliens from Arrival, but I contained myself.  

Settled for something more vague and insect in nature, cuz I like mandibles. Hes not Haluma levels, but... like brother like brother ig. 

this was really fun to write... imagine Mark feeding reader those beetle jellies.

You discover earth on your own on your travels. You were a bit of an outcast amongst your people (or perhaps, you were banished off the planet). 

Its not your fault that they were so boring. It was part of your peoples culture to live boring, repetitive lives. Even if you could live hundreds or thousands of years, your people never left their planet or explored the stars. 

Well, you started studying, you started developing powers and one thing lead to another. Turns out the reason your people dont want knowledge is that you guys grow stronger the more you know, and too much knowledge can drive you mad. 

But you didnt want to go mad, you just wanted to explore, which was how you get to earth. 

Well, first you settle on Mars and meet the nice martians. They warn you about earth and their earthlings, one of the nicer ones is giving off pheromones and brain waves of attraction in your directions, and had you possessed the ability, you might have blushed. Instead, your mandibles quiver. 

Anyways. After Mars you fly to the earth's moon, and settle down for a little rest. The pretty martian had given you a nice meal, so you were gonna enjoy it. 

So what that you needed to melt it down with your stomach acid first before slurping it up like some kinda smoothie, it was delicious, and it allowed you to pick up every single molecule that made it up. 

Your happy munching gives the GDA time to notice you, cuz of course they are keeping track of the moon, and they don't know what to do with you. 

Your head kinda looks like a mixture of a wasp, and some kind of horned beetle. There was a very impressive horn sticking out of your head, if you do say so yourself... well... its not really that impressive amongst your people... like... at all... you had never succeeded in getting a mate, let's just say that... 

From what the GDA could see you wore clothes, but it also meshed with your natural exoskeleton. You had no visible wings, but instead a long and segmented tail, that looked almost like the tail of a scorpion, just longer and more flexible. 

There were two arms and two legs visible on you, making you appear humanoid, for the most part. You had pretty wide shoulders and slim hips, giving you a real “dorito” build, in the words of one Rex splode. 

Mark ends up being the one sent to check you out, to see if you are a threat or not and all that, because when you finish eating you kick off of the moon's surface, and it takes you less than 10 seconds to reach earth's atmosphere. 

Your mandibles start tittering when you float above the planet, eyes sparkling with wonder at this beautiful, interesting planet, with all these living beings and vast nature. 

Its only your extreme senses that lets you know something is approaching. Fighting isnt your biggest hobby, but you can if needed, but your sensors tell you Mark is cautious but nonviolent. 

Its a bit of a struggle in the beginning as you try to work your translator you fit the human language. You'll only need it for a few minutes, then you'll have understood it all, but still. 

Mark isnt really sure what he should do with you, since you are technically just a tourist. Not here to take over the planet, not here to cause issues, just here to hang out and see what its all about. 

You letting slip that you tore through a viltrumite on your travels, even flexing your claws, which grow to about 6 inches in length and sharp enough to punch a hole through viltrumites, they do get a bit more cautious. 

In the beginning Mark sticks close as Invincible to keep an eye on you, but also because hes a nerd and its just so interesting to meet someone from another planet. 

Most other encounters has had with non-earthlings have been violent, aside from Allen of course, but still.  

Invincible and his alien pal become a hashtag on social media as Mark shows you around the planet, videos of you excitedly asking questions and being fascinated by the dumbest things go viral. 

“And how does this so-called global warming effect you, my friend” goes on video. You are crouching down, asking a pigeon. The pigeon coos back, puffing up its feathers, your tail flicks from side to side, you nod with a grim expression. “is that so” you reply.  

Makes Mark realize you can learn any language, at any time. He swears he sees you talking to a plant at some point. When he carefully asks you just snicker, mandibles clicking. “Of course, I understand them Invincible, their waves are very strong” 

Mark has to help you a bit with the social norms of earth. You get especially confused when different countries and different people have their own rules and norms. All planets you've seen until now don't do this. 

“Does this not just make it more difficult, friend Invincible?” you ask, as your long thin tongue flick out from between your mandibles to lap up the delicious sorbet you had been introduced to. 

Mark just sighs and shrugs with an “yeah...” kind of expression, because how's he gonna explain earths level of problems to someone from outta space. 

Imagine you join Mark in a fight, and afterwards Mark has to change out of his costume and you walk in on him. You yelp and smack your hands over your eyes, turning around when he starts pulling off his suit. 

It's not like he's naked or anything, it's just been shredded so he needs to change it. “I did not know you were molting friend Invincible, my deepest apologies” you chitter, tail smacking something so it falls over as you try and stumble out. 

This leads to a conversation about how humans don't have shells, and that clothes aren't part of their bodies. It makes you sigh dreamily, wishing you could change your colors and textures at will. 

Does Mark develop feelings? Maybe, it would be cute if he did, and would give him a major crisis.  

If he does and you stay on earth, then you end up learning and growing so much that you can alter your shape, giving you a human form. Well, for the most part. You will always look kinda uncanny. Just enough to be off-putting to people. Mark loves you though. 

Rumor going around is that you are a fae or vampire. Nobody is even surprised at this point, the world is messed up, so what if Mark Grayson is dating something nonhuman.

[sturniphone]

── ⌗ older!matt . . . bunny!reader

❛ what bunny and matt eat in a week ❜

this is just my ideas <3 obviously you may not like everything but this is just for fun and cute !! let me know if I spelt all these foods right because some of them where tricky

೨౿ monday °˖◝

breakfast .ᐟ matt’s got crispy bacon, soft scrambled eggs with chives, buttery sourdough toast, and a big mug of black coffee he downs like medicine. bunny eats a little fruit cup with kiwi flowers and pink strawberries, her bunny spoon dipped into coconut yogurt while she swings her feet.

lunch .ᐟ matt opens the bento she made him—rice pandas, tamagoyaki, octopus sausages, and a tiny note: ❝eat up or no kisses.❞ she’s across town poking at an overpriced kale & sesame salad, sipping an iced strawberry matcha with her headphones in.

dinner (matt cooks) .ᐟ miso-glazed salmon, sticky white rice, cucumber salad with sesame oil and chili flakes. he plates hers extra neatly. she claps when she sees it.

night snack .ᐟ she’s curled on his chest, fuzzy socks on, half-asleep while he feeds her peeled tangerine segments. there’s a hello kitty marshmallow on the side of her plate. because of course.

೨౿ tuseday °˖◝

breakfast .ᐟ matt’s got his usual—avocado toast with lemon zest, a perfect poached egg, cracked pepper on top, and an espresso he pretends doesn’t taste bitter. bunny has mini waffles with a honey drizzle, blueberries lined up in neat little rows, and a glass of pink milk with a bendy straw.

lunch .ᐟ matt’s eating a shrimp tempura bento she packed, complete with hand-carved radish flowers and a little flag that says ❝go matt!❞ she’s balancing half a mochi donut on a napkin, sipping iced matcha from a mason jar with stickers all over the lid.

dinner (matt cooks) .ᐟ creamy garlic tuscan chicken pasta, grilled zucchini ribbons on the side, and warm basil focaccia he tore by hand. she twirls her fork and calls him chef. he blushes but hides it.

night snack .ᐟ she’s in his lap feeding him strawberry pocky one bite at a time until he caves and rubs her back, muttering, ❝spoiled little bunny.❞ she just grins.

೨౿ wednesday °˖◝

breakfast .ᐟ crispy bacon, buttery eggs, golden hashbrowns, and a tall americano he drinks while reading the news on his phone. bunny’s breakfast is cuter: a bunny-shaped rice ball with a seaweed smile and a cup of strawberry yogurt she eats with her favorite tiny spoon.

lunch .ᐟ matt’s gets delivered with a kiss—mini onigiri tucked into lettuce cups, crispy karaage bites, pickled radish hearts, and cold soba with dipping sauce in a pink thermos. she munches on a matcha konbini snack, sipping strawberry lemonade with a paper straw she chewed too much.

dinner (matt cooks) .ᐟ diy sushi night. spicy tuna rolls, cucumber maki, avocado nigiri lined up like a little parade. she’s in his apron, giggling, rice in her hair. he kisses soy sauce off her cheek and calls her trouble.

night snack .ᐟ sweet tamago slices eaten cross-legged on the couch, her fingers sticky, laughter spilling as he feeds her the last bite just to watch her smile.

೨౿ thursday °˖◝

breakfast .ᐟ matt makes himself a mushroom and gruyere omelette, crisp edges folded just right, with a warm baguette slice and coffee so strong it could fuel a meeting. bunny has banana slices with little peanut butter hearts she dotted on herself and a sprinkle of cinnamon because matt says it’s good for her.

lunch .ᐟ his lunch is packed with care: a thick katsu sandwich, crunchy slaw tucked in foil, and a single matcha cookie shaped like a clover.she picks at a lychee jelly snack first, then eats her overpriced caesar salad with extra garlic puffs while texting him pictures of her fork mid-air.

dinner (matt cooks) .ᐟ beef short rib ramen simmered all afternoon, broth rich and deep. he tops it with jammy eggs, scallions, and a little swirl of chili oil just how she likes it. she slurps it dramatically and he wipes a noodle splash off her nose with a grin.

night snack .ᐟ a cold melona bar in bed, the cartoon playing low while she’s curled up in his hoodie, toes pressed to his leg. he holds the wrapper so her hands stay warm.

೨౿ friday °˖◝

breakfast .ᐟ matt eats egg-in-a-hole, golden and perfect in the center, with a matcha shot she made him take like it’s medicine. he grimaced. she giggled. her plate’s stacked with mochi pancakes, whipped cream clouds on top and a syrup heart she carefully drew with the back of a spoon.

lunch .ᐟ his bento is adorable: panda-shaped rice balls, glazed tofu bites, and peach gummies she hid in the corner. he pretends not to notice them until the end. she sips miso soup from a thermos and pokes at her salmon salad like it personally offended her. she ends up eating most of his gummies later.

dinner (fancy date night) .ᐟ they dress up. skyline restaurant. he orders the wine. she orders a rose lychee spritz and holds his hand under the table. duck confit for him, sushi omakase for her. they share everything. dessert comes in a glass dish—yuzu sorbet with tiny gold flakes. he tips too much. she kisses his cheek in the elevator.

night snack .ᐟ they eat fancy chocolate in the car. she’s in his lap, legs tucked up, giggling against his neck while he feeds her pieces like she’s royalty.

೨౿ saturday °˖◝

breakfast .ᐟ matt cracks into soft-boiled eggs, dipping buttered toast soldiers with military precision. cappuccino in hand, glasses on, morning paper half-read. she has a flaky croissant with raspberry jam, fingers sticky and smiling. her hot vanilla milk steams beside her in a bunny mug.

lunch .ᐟ a shared picnic on the balcony or park grass. prosciutto, cheese slices, buttery crackers, strawberries cut into hearts, and clinking kombucha bottles. she eats off his plate. he lets her.

dinner (matt cooks) .ᐟ korean bbq night at home. sizzling sliced ribeye, ssam wraps with garlic and rice, spicy kimchi, sauce on her cheek. she builds their bites like love letters. he eats every one.

night snack .ᐟ peach gummy cups peeled open with sleepy fingers. spoonfuls of nutella, smeared across mouths and noses, passed between giggles and lazy kisses.

೨౿ sunday °˖◝

(date day!)

coffee shop hop itinerary .ᐟ stop one: lavender matcha latte, light and floral, topped with a dried rose petal. she gets a mochi muffin, squishy and soft with strawberry bits—takes a photo before every bite. matt gets a plain americano, but steals bites of hers when she’s distracted.

stop two: brown sugar oat latte with extra foam for her, miso butter toast for them to share. the toast is thick-cut milk bread, crispy on the outside, melting with savory-sweet miso butter. he gives her the corner piece—her favorite—without asking.

stop three: strawberry milk tea, extra boba, and a melon pan that’s still warm. they sit at a tiny table outside. he breaks the bread open so the steam escapes. she feeds him the soft inside and keeps the crispy crust for herself.

dinner .ᐟ matt roasts lemon thyme chicken till the skin crisps golden and the meat pulls apart easy. garlic smashed potatoes with browned butter, parsley, and a bit too much salt—just how she likes them. carrots sliced into rosettes, tossed with honey and roasted until candy-sweet. she sets the table with bunny coasters and folded napkins shaped like ears. he pulls out her chair. they eat by candlelight, sharing bites across the table and wiping sauce off each other’s mouths.

night snack .ᐟ a bowl of caramel candies warmed in her palms. she feeds him one between kisses, fingers sticky. he licks the sugar from her fingertips and hums. ❝you spoil me, bunny.❞ ❝you make me full.❞ ❝full of what?❞ ❝you.❞

⋆˚꩜｡ lola talks . . . I expect this to flop >: I did't know how to lay this out grr !! wasn't on my posting schedule but got a couple of asks about it and already had it made.. I basically looked up fancy sounding shit and went on pinterest (yes I got hungry !!)

── ʚ contacts . . . @chrepsi @ph3ebssturniolo @sturnsxbbyeilish @j21l91 @pip4444chris @mattslutt @sophand4n4 @mattscoquette @mi-co-uk @tezzzzzzzz @emely9274 @oopsiedaisydeer @theowensturniolo @httpssturns @matthewsroses @bugs-tags @mattswrinkleton

⌗ © sturniphone

[13tinysocks]

My Dead Girlfriend

Alone at last. None of those assholes around to harsh your vibe or ruin your furniture. Just you, Mark, and a horde of bugs. 

NSFW, time to jerk it fellers!

[Invincible Varients X Reader]

13 * Cave-In Fever [10.4k]

[Part one]  [Ao3]  [12] [14] [Chapter Index]

"Pain works on a sliding scale,

So does pleasure in a candy jail."

Candy Jail - AJJ

        The grand tour felt like an open house. Your arms wrapped around Baldie's broad shoulders, one of his arms wrapped secure around your waist as he hovered you above the attractions. Torch light weakly reaching a few feet ahead. Baldie didn't seem to mind the re-lit stick burning in his hand. He'd dealt with lava baths after all. 

        He took you over thinning and thickening paths of pale bugs. Always skittering. Leaving large patches of black ground perfectly walkable. You let him carry you anyway. Tired from the power drain. Embarrassed from the conversations of days past, your earlier crying, but when he smiled at you- it seemed to wane. It was nice to have someone be nice to you.

        He flew you from the rocky foyer to a smaller low-ceilinged room. Every surface drilled into and filled with cream colored jelly bodies. Eggs and developing young.

        "We'll never run out of food." You say to the room that stretched beyond the torch light. 

        "Hopefully they don't taste as bad as they look. He said they're edible." Baldie's laugh reverberated through your body. He turned, floating you back toward the entrance. 

        "I'm guessing..." You take a long look at an older bug, feeding the young something mashed from its mouth. It looked like a pale, oversized, "Shrimp."

        "That'd be nice." Baldie hums. "Think we'll find cocktail sauce?"

        "I wish." You smile as he leaves and floats into the next cavernous room of your new home.

        The air thickened. You immediately start to sneeze. Baldie blasted off, "Bless you, bless you, bless you." You shake off sneezing but not the itch in your eyes and throat. Spores catch fire in the torch, expended before they can catch on the carpeted walls. A blue, green, and white nebula of mold grew thick on every possible surface. Even the carcasses of the dead. 

        Bugs meandered throughout, clicking with their parapets, communicating. You wonder what they were saying.

        "Foods gotta eat too, I guess." You cringed at the mold blooms. Pretty but you couldn't image it in your mouth. Rotten cotton candy. Oh, God, you could imagine it. Ew.

        Baldie paused. Watching a bug inspect a particularly fat bloom, sort through the fibers, and pick off a tiny piece. Proudly crawling across the floor. Baldie followed, hovering slow above it. You watched, interested as the little worker climbed over its brothers and sisters, up its mother's segmented belly, into and out of her mouth after delivering the load. 

        "Do you think they eat any of it?" You watch the worker disappear into the mold farm. 

        "Probably not." Baldie says, "They get all the nutrients they need in their larval stage. Work until they run out of energy and die." 

        "Brutal." 

        He shrugs, "It's just the way a lot of bugs are. Sacrifice everything for the betterment of the hive," he flicked the torch toward, "The queen."

        Your Mark was never a science buff. He was a C-student, through and through. 

        "You like bugs?" You ask.

        "I like that we can eat them." He says, "I did a science project on leaf-cutter ants in seventh grade. Then one on fig wasps in eighth. I remember everyone cringing at the pictures I put up and I dunno, it just didn't make sense to me. They're like crabs but tiny. What's so scary about them? And what's wrong with something looking kind of weird, you know?" His voice falls off, self-consciousness taking over. 

        You smile at him. "So you do like bugs. Bug Boy."

        His cheeks warmed. "There's no way that's your nickname for me."

        You looked at the lenses, big, black, fly-like. You don't say it but he knows it.

        "No." You say. "It's uhm-"

        "Chrome Dome, right?" He doesn't seem ashamed of his lack of hair just a little worried- worried that you don't like it. His warped skin. That you think he's ugly, to be cringed at like a bug.

        "It's Baldie, actually." You admit. 

        "Better than Chrome Dome." His smile is the same sad, self deprecating one from earlier. 

        "Still it's not my best." You say and the realization hits you aloud, you say it without thinking, "If it's just us down here, I could actually call you Mark."

        His fingers on your waist flex, chest puffs, cheeks go pink. "Really? I- I mean if that's not weird for you."

        It kind of was, but you needed to work on reassociation if you were going to be living with him. "Yeah, and the other guy could be Mark Two."

        He was the fifteenth variant Angstrom Levy grabbed. A near after thought. But you made him the first, the favored, on top of the world. He wants to kiss you but doesn't. Sure, you're looking at him nice, but he doesn't know if you're there yet. He'd wait for you to lean in. If you ever did.

        "Works for me."

        He took you back to the fire, smoke starting to coil and collect on the ceiling. There'd have to be long periods of dark to let the smoke dissipate. Disappointing, but being with you was worth the setback.

        He sighed because this couldn't last all night. "We have to go back."

        You stiffen against him. "What? You said-"

        "For one night and one morning, okay?" His words loosen your body. "We need to make your disappearance more ambiguous. They saw which way you went tonight. We have a plan, don't worry." 

        You narrow your eyes, set on his lenses and the honey-brown eyes hidden behind them. "One night, one morning, that's it. I can't stand to be around those assholes any longer than that."

        As long as he wasn't one of those assholes, you had a, "Deal."

        ***

        Mohawk didn't open his eyes, laid back, hands behind head on his cot. Playing nonchalant, though he'd been listening for you the whole time. "Look who it is, back from fuckin' the scraps." 

        You scoff. "Unlike you, I don't live for sex."

        "Yeah, you live for Mark Grayson- who is me, baby."

        Your nose wrinkled. Baldie sent an apologetic look and found his own cot to lay on. You both knew if he defended you, Mohawk would only get rowdier. The fact that he was poised for sleep was as rare as a calm toddler. 

        "I live to make you hit yourself in the balls." You sit on your cot for the first time in a few nights. Omni who laid on his side visibly relaxed at your added weight. "Which I can't do without sleeping so shut up." You laid down, back to Omni, arms around yourself.

        "Whatever you say, Mark-liker."

        "Wow, a real insult."

        "Guys, go to sleep." Maskless grunted. 

        You try but can't because you were freezing. The blanket you'd been working on with Phantom was nowhere near big enough to cover you. You could get up and put the solider top on, but you don't. Strangely anxious that the shuffling would set Mohawk off again. So you lay and try to suppress the shivers.

        The cape came over you without sound. Body heat stuck to it like glue. You pulled it over yourself as much as the distance between you and Omni would allow. Which wasn't enough, so you scooted backwards, greedy for comfort in this wasteland. Your back ends up against his. Even through his suit, he's like a living furnace. You unwillingly melt against the heat. Wrap the cape around yourself and feel yourself begin to doze.

        You only stir when he turns. Shifting carefully to keep the cape over you. The only difference now was his chest was to your back, legs pressed behind yours, one arm over your waist, the other propped up his head for a pillow. His breath tickled the back of your head. Shallow, anxious, like he was waiting for you to pull away. 

        You could tell him to buzz off and he would, but you don't. He's warm and honestly- he'd been okay to you. Airing your sex laundry to the whole group wasn't cool, but you'd live if he held you for one night. The last night he'd see you again, hopefully. The thought made you a little sad, and you couldn't tell if it was for you or him. You didn't let yourself hope he was the secret  Mark who found the cave. 

        You think about being gone, about him, until sleep takes you. 

        ***

        He held you into the morning without sleeping a wink. How could he when you were right there? Ready and willing in his arms, sleeping peaceful as an angel. He wanted to press kisses into your hair, whisper sweet nothings into the night but he withheld. That was for another time. When you'd come to accept his affections more. You were only beginning to come around, and he couldn't be more grateful. All you needed was some time to think, to understand. And he was willing to wait. 

        He regretted having to leave, to go on another journey hundreds of miles into the caves only to find nothing. But if there was a chance he could find food and safety for you, he'd go. In a handful of hours, he'd regret the choice but in the moment, he laid a chaste kiss on your sleeping temple and left. 

        The others filtered out, rising with the sun. Even Baldie who fixed you with a knowing look before disappearing into the caves. The last two at camp were Maskless and Phantom. Today was Maskless's turn to babysit. You'd fought against the babysitting like a motherfucker but were always overruled. Especially with Lensless and Scars gone partly rogue. 

        Maskless didn't like sitting still, not being useful- like you had been. He considered taking you out to the desert, hunting down Scars and Lensless with you- killing them together for more jerky. But that was too dangerous, it could get you both killed. Most likely him and an unimaginable amount of torture for you. But the longer he went without eating, the more he thought about it anytime he remembered your existence.

        Today, his stomach was a snarling monster. Today might be the day. He turned to you, still sleeping on your cot. "H-"

        "I can take over today," Phantom mumbled behind him.

        Irritation ticked in Maskless's jaw. "I've got it."

        "I need to talk to her." Phantom stood beside him, both watching you sleep. "Alone."

        Not that Maskless cared for your well-being, he still had some morals. He had been with Phantom while they dug out the caves, in the rare moments he spoke, the only thing he talked about was you. "So you can force yourself on her right?"

        Phantom didn't react, though he wanted to crack Maskless on the chin. "No," he said, "I want to ask about mom. If she was with him then (Y/n) must've known her." He can't acknowledge your version of himself, it too weird. Wrong.

        Maskless hummed noncommittally. Stomach aching. "You can do that while I'm here." He'd like to know too. If your Debbie was like his. 

        Phantom hadn't planned for so much resistance. Any more pushing and the outcome would be suspicious. He took two steps toward you, questions about Debbie on his tongue. He hoped you'd play along, even if you didn't know it was him partnered with Baldie. He'd built enough of a relationship outside of that to talk to you- hadn't he?

        "Hey." Tracksuit poked his head into the caves. "Think I found something." 

        Maskless's neck cracked with how fast it turned.

        "Where?" He was in front of Tracksuit. Praying it was something edible. 

        "Not far off," Tracksuit hovered backward, nodded toward Phantom, "You comin'?"

        Maskless looked to him. Plans forgotten, stomach winning out. "Someone has to watch her." Then they were gone along with Phantom's hopes. They'd found the cave. He'd never get you to himself.

        You stirred, sunlight slaid across your form. He was alone with you for now.

        The air displaced, sand dust suddenly cleared, Baldie hovered in the middle of the room. "We don't have much time." He said.

        Phantom doesn't need an explanation. He'd told something to that Tracksuit-sporting idiot to get Maskless out of the way. Baldie was smarter than Phantom gave him credit for. Dangerous, but for now, advantageous.

        "Do it." Phantom said.

        You rubbed the sleep out your eyes, "Wha-" You turned in time to catch Baldie ramming a fist into Phantom's middle. He folded around the force, shot back but recovered before he hit the wall. Baldie didn't let Phantom steady himself before zipping behind him, delivering a bone-cracking axe kick to his side. Phantom couldn't stop himself ramming to the ground. Your cot was sent into the air with you on it.

        Baldie caught you, and brought you up to the surface. Leaving you standing on the edge of the desert hole while he kicked Phantom's ass as fast as possible. You watched, horrified, confused. The weight of Phantom's gift in your pocket. 

        It was done in less than ten seconds. Baldie returned, muttering an, "I'll explain later," before grabbing you under the shoulders and tearing into the caves. Stale air tore at your cheeks. Moving so fast you couldn't breathe. 

        He slowed at the tombs entrance. Slipped you both inside and quadruple checked that the door was flush with the wall before he hovered you down to last night's camp.

        You are too stunned in his arms to speak, taking gasping breaths as he sets you down on cool rock.

        "Sorry." His touch left while he built up the fire. "We had to make it look real."

        "We?" You blink as orange light began to frame his thick body.

        "Told you it was nobody bad." 

        The realization is slow. Sleep still bogging your mind.

        "Oh." Phantom was the partner. That... made some sense, you supposed. Though he hadn't spoken to you much beside a handful of times. He didn't seem crazily obsessed with you and had done more for your survival than most of them. "Make what look real?"

        "You called those two Lens and Scar?"

        "Lensless and Scars."

        "Ok, them. We had to make it look like Lensless and Scars kidnapped you. Beat him up in the process. Would make everyone look up top instead of below. Once the coast's clear, he's going to join us."

        That was something straight out of Machine Head's head, a hasty yet efficient trap for a group of dumb supes. "Not bad if you don't consider those two will know it's lie."

        "Who's going to believe them?" Baldie stepped back from the crackling fire. 

        He was right. A smile split your cheek. "Kinda sad I'm gonna miss them getting mauled." 

        He sighs, "Me too." 

        There's a beat of quiet. "What now?" You look over what the fire exposed. Same as last you saw it. 

        "Well," he ran a hand over his neck, sheepish, "I couldn't exactly take beds but I brought the stuff to make 'em, we could probably start there."

        He goes to grab the material when a hiss made the cave shudder. You both looked to the queen. Her children didn't seem to notice. Eyeless head set on you both, your noise, the fire. 

       Her mandibles snapped together, click, click, click-ity, click. 

        Her subjects stop and seem to collectively turn on you both. Thousands of them crawling forward all at once. Baldie scooped you up into the air before their tiny legs could touch your boots. It didn't take much to avoid them, clumsy and unused to fighting. They climbed atop of one another, shakily making themselves into pillars that kept falling under their own weight.

        You furrowed your brows as Baldie easily moved away from their hissing mouths, "They weren't like this last night."

        The queen's tiny legs kick in frustration, click, click, click-ity click!

       The bugs redouble their effort and can't swarm more than three feet into the air. You'd laugh if it weren't so strange.

        "Last night..." Baldie thinks aloud, "They have some kind of circadian rhythm?" It's a guess, information pulled vaguely from those science projects years ago. 

        "There's no sun." You watch as the queen grows more and more upset. Spittle flying off her mandibles. Fat body wriggling.

        "The planet still rotates on an axis, so like..." Here the information grew hazy, something about, "magnetic fields?" 

        Sounded right as anything else. "I guess? Do we just, hover until they don't care anymore?"

        The queen began to lean her heavy body forward, making the cavern shake. Massive mouth parts snapping. Pissed her subjects couldn't kill you, if she wanted the job done, she'd have to do it herself. She snaps, click click! And the masses disperse, they were falling back. Leaving to defend the eggs and farm.

        Baldie couldn't allow this, was annoyed that Phantom hadn't picked up on this before sending you here. If he ever had to leave you, he didn't want you to be eaten alive by termites or whatever they were. He considered setting you down on the now bug-free floor, but doesn't want to risk a surprise attack. "Hold on and uh, hold your breath? Maybe shut your eyes."

        You had been, but your arms tighten. Lips pulling into your mouth. Lids close. 

        He pivots in the air, fist out. 

        The queen seems to feel the shift, he's not dodging around her anymore. She has no eyes but she knows something is wrong, can feel the power roiling under his skin. She hisses a desperate click!

        The white plated center of her glossy forehead caved in with a creme-brulee crack. Baldie is careful to hold you out of harm's way, but you still feel the brains splatter around you. Her buggy insides passing you as fast as a train. Wet and oven hot. 

        Baldie came out the back of her head, a human bullet. Green-gray fluid came rushing out, splattering hard against the cave wall, slapping against your back. The flesh didn't burn or singe your skin, which was a relief. 

        The Queen falls forward, pieces of her leaking out of the wound. Baldie is under her, catching her with a single hand before she could crash hard against the cave floor. It'd be real bad if they staged your disappearance just to be found so soon.

        He stepped out from beneath her. Set you on the perch that was your campground. Covered in slippery bug juice and mucus-slimy meat. He hovered around her, poking and prodding, making sure she was dead. She was. He landed on what was left of the back of her head, "Dinner's served."

        He looked down at himself. His uniform so goop covered he was a sickly green. "Good idea."

        He didn't want to leave because he needed to keep watch for the bugs who had not yet returned to the throne room. But part of him did. You were butt naked in the pool surrounding the queen's throne. Clothes wet and whacked as clean as you could get them, set to dry by the fire.

        He kept his back to you. He was tempted before seeing you in the shorts and tank top, but seeing you naked? That was something else. He was but a man and it'd been four long years. 

        On the flip side, you watched as the bug guts dried on him the longer you washed. You were already having a hard time getting the gunk off of yourself. You could only imagine the time he'd have when you were done. Despite your reservations, you knew it'd be better for him to get in now. 

        "Mark," you say, forcing the name Baldie to not slide off your tongue, because he wasn't Baldie anymore. Not here, not alone with you. 

        He almost made the mistake of turning. Ears tinged red. "Yeah?"

        You sighed, "Just get in already." 

        "No can do."

        "You can and you will cuz I need help with my back and you're definitely gonna need some with yours." 

        Still, he hesitates. "I-"

        You find the closest rock and throw it at his back. That makes him turn, "Hey-" And he sees you, halfway out of the water like a siren calling a sailor. He picked his jaw up off the ground and swallowed thickly, "Oh, uhm, sorry I-"

        "Look man, as long as you're not creepy I don't give a shit. Get in here before I make you." Technically, you could, but your pull wouldn't be strong. It'd been less than twelve hours since your last heavy lifting work out and you were not ready for another.

        Mark's shoulders fell but he lowered into the pool, clothes and all, as far away from you as possible. 

        You laughed, "Dude. That thing is gonna stick to you if you don't take it off and clean it."

        He was red neck to ears as he turned. Peeling the prison issue top up and over his head first. Exposing his broad back to you. Nothing you hadn't seen before but still, it was a nice back. Skin puckered and miscolored with scar tissue. Muscles so thick they looked like they could burst out of his skin. His back went from broad to tapered so nicely at the waist. And man, the start of that bubble butt... Hello sailor.

        Mark peaked over his shoulder. Part of him wanted you to be checking him out. Another was deeply horrified that you were. And you were, very transparently.

        "Uh, hey." He said, letting his shirt fall into the water to soak.

        "Hi." You say. "Gonna take care of those too or what?" You point to his pants which were still very much on.

        Most of his lower half was in the water, they were already soaking so why take them off? Except he could literally feel his skin starting to stick to the fabric. Carefully, he started to lower the drawls. Thankfully, you had enough tact to look away. Let him do his own thing awhile. Which is a long while because the bug brains had started to harden like concrete. You didn't mind waiting for your back to be scrubbed. It was nice, sitting quietly, comfortably, au natural without some freakazoid trying to force his way into your pants. 

        He tried getting his back himself. Flexible as he was, there was a spot itchy on his back. He turned, hand over his junk. "Hey uhm-"

        "Nuh-uh bucko," you already had your back to him, water tracing the path of your spine, "you're doing me first- not like that."

        Mark's approach is slow, tentative. "You sure?" He tries and falls to not look at your bare ass.

        "Wouldn't ask if I wasn't. Now, get this shit off me, it's giving me hives."

        "Okay." His voice came out squeakier than he intended. 

        He cupped water in his palm, poured it down your back. Tried to ignore the sigh you let out. When his palm met the flat of your back a tinge of pain shot up his forearm. He paused. 

        "You good?"

        "Yeah." He made himself move. Gently rub at the congealed mass on your back. Touching you like this, skin to skin, felt good yes but- the last time he was naked with you- he was a teenager. He wasn't covered in scar tissue or riddled with nerve damage. He was somewhat used to the pain that came with moving, his skin pushing and pulling with his body. But intimacy in this skin felt new. 

        He wished you hadn't asked him to touch you. He felt like he was taking advantage. Using your body the ways the others would.

        When he's done, you turn. Keeping your eyes up and doing a little twisting motion with your finger to indicate it was his turn. He swallowed and twisted. 

        Human touch was weak. Before he felt it, he had vivid sense memories of your hands running down his back, but now he could barely register your fingers on his back. Or the breath on his neck. He wanted to savor the moment, as perverted as it made him feel, but how could he if he could barely feel it?

        "Done." You don't step back. If he turned around, you'd be face to face. 

        He swallowed, "Thanks."

        "Welcome." Your voice had a pull to it. An unsaid desire for him to turn, to melt into this moment wit you.

        It scares the shit out of him. "I don't understand," he says, frozen in place, "Why are you so..." Good? Comfortable? Nice? "Okay with me?"

        "Because you're not an asshole." You say. "Need that in this place, even if you're kind of my asshole ex in a roundabout way."

        Ouch- but he was asking for that. He doesn't know why he says it, "She's been dead for four years." Maybe he was hoping to ruin the moment. Cut the obvious tensions between you both because he was scared. "I didn't know til I got out." Almost a month ago now. "Guess some part of me always knew she'd be dead- my dad never liked her- but-" Lips pull in and out of his mouth. Keep it together. Just keep it together. "It's hard to imagine someone dead after talking about your wedding and the house you'll buy and the dogs you'll adopt."

        Your laugh surprised him. "He," because he's not Mark, not right now, "and I talked about the same shit and I image him dead everyday. Things change."

        Mark finally turned. Different story, different person, different sides, but somehow you understood each other perfectly. But he wanted, needed to know if your heart was taken if, "You're still in love with him?"

        "I was for awhile. Few months after. Wrote him a ton of letters I never ended up sending in prison." That word slaps him with memory. The days, weeks, of dark nothing. Then beatings. Then nothing, nothing, nothing. His mind filling in the blanks. "I got over it mostly but..."

        "But?"

        Unexpected annoyance flashed across your face. "Dude, we are naked in a pool together and you wanna ask about my ex all night? We doing this or what?" 

        His brain short-circuited. You wanted to... "Oh. Oh! I'm sorry I wasn't trying to-"

        You step back, mildly mortified, "Shit, were you not- my bad." 

        You hadn't been able to stop thinking about his lips on yours since you'd danced and kissed. It was nice. A little stiff with his inexperience, but nice. You trusted him not to hold it over your head and he hadn't. Honestly, it'd been a long time since you'd kissed someone with feeling. Most were sloppy make outs from one-night-stands. Sure, you were a little reluctant, him being Mark and all, but that also made you less reluctant. A real catch twenty-two emotionally.

        Mark also couldn't get it off his mind. How easily his lips melded to yours, how right it felt. But that was coupled with guilt, he felt like he'd used you, not noticing your high. Wishing you hadn't. Curbing the desire to chase after your heels like a horny dog. Despite the cloying urge to reach out, to make sure it was real, he made himself say, "I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything."

        "You're the only one who hasn't made me feel like that. I'm hitting on you cuz you're hot and normal." And you were emotionally burnt the fuck out and it'd be nice to be distracted awhile. Mark didn't seem like he'd go batshit if you fucked so why not. 

        Hot? Normal? 

        You must have strange tastes in this timeline. Must be around so many awful people for him to seem 'normal'. You'd learn eventually what a mess he was, but for now? You were leaning closer and closer, fingers coming under his pecs, splaying across his chest. His breath caught, he went statue still, but he didn't pull back. He let you kiss him. 

        Your lips were wet, pressed onto what was left of his. Near half of his lips had melted away, healed over with ridged scars that tingled at the press of your mouth against them. He kept his hands glued to his sides, terrified that if he held you, he'd crush you in the thrill of the moment. 

        You pulled back. "Do you not want me to?" His body language was a little more than closed off. Jesus, you horny asshole-

        "I want to." He says, "It's just been awhile."

        His circumstances caught up with you. Four years of torture then suddenly sex? No wonder he was reluctant.

        "We don't have to go there now." You say, "We've got all the time in the world, Mark."

        But that name, that title of a human being, it made him want to act like the man he was. This time he sinks forward, pressing lip to lip. Hands falling at your sides, just barely grazing your bare waist. He isn't forceful, doesn't push you back, he lets you lead after initiating. Lets the kiss stretch on and on. From closed lip to open mouthed. Nowhere near tongue-fucking, but a careful fencing back and forth. Touche, point, match set. 

        He moved his hand, spreading it along your side. You moaned into his mouth. Hands rolling up his chest, sending sparks down his spine. 

        Boom.

        You both paused. Lips pulling apart but still holding each other.

        Ba-boom!

        The ceiling rattled. Specs of loose rock splashing into the water. 

        "What the-

        Boom! Ba-boom-Krack-ack-ack-ack! 

        Debris rained down. The cave shuddered so violently the firewood fell out of place, the light spluttering out. Mark took your sopping form into his arms and took to the air. Dodging around falling rock. The sound and vibration went on for minutes. 

        You were terrified that any second the roof would collapse and that'd be it. You'd be done-city. But it doesn't. The tremors end. You are coated in a light layer of dirt but don't care. It was nothing compared to bug brains, to the pounding of your heart. 

        "What was that?"

        "I don't know, but I should go find out." Mark said.

        The idea scared you. Set a heavy pit deep in your stomach. "You said you guys were framing Lensless and Scars right?" You don't wait for an answer, scared if you stopped talking he'd leave you in the dark. "What if that was them coming to the fireside and getting attacked? What if some stuff caved in the fight?"

        Mark thinks the vibrations and sounds went on for far too long. Thinks the whole cave system but this sanctuary was crumbled in. Feels like a caged canary in a too-small enclosure. He doesn't reason, doesn't set you down, just rushes to the roof where the entrance was. He yanked the rock back despite your protests to stay hidden. 

        A wall of dirt came tumbling inside. When it stopped, there was only more dirt and rock. He started to dig with one arm, holding you close with the other. You were blind and naked and confused. He dug, scraped, drilled, but the rocks never ended. There were no more caves. He was trapped in isolated dark- again. His heart felt like it was about to explode. He needed to get out of here. Needed to bust though hundreds of miles of rock, dirt, and sand and breathe fresh air- see the sun. 

        But.

        "Mark!" You were here. The ascent would kill you, the rocks would tear your skin from your body. 

        As soon as he stopped digging, the little tunnel he'd carved started to cave. He barely got you both back to the main room before it fell in on itself.

        "I don't understand." He said, he wanted to say more, but his mind was stuck. He was stuck. "I don't understand."

        "Mark, put me down." You were scared to use your power. Scared he'd drop you hundreds of feet in the dark.

        He hears it in your voice. Hurriedly, he sets you back at camp and rebuilds the fire. Then he's off, digging frantically at the cave entrance. You watch his back until he disappears. Hot by the fire but chilled to the bone, shivering from adrenaline.

        He digs out miles of memorized caves but it was all gone. Everything. And every time he stopped, the progress he'd made would undo itself. He only returned to the cave because you were there and you needed him. 

        You were asleep atop a pile of the softest junk he'd hauled along. You had the right idea, rest, tackle it in the morning. Or was it already morning? Baldie couldn't tell. He'd been a month out of space jail and he started to like being able to tell. Oh God, he couldn't tell. 

        You snored. His heartbeat slowed. He laid beside you, not touching. Too awkward with the nakedness. Clothes too sopping wet to put back on. He doesn't sleep, but he listens as you do. Mind racing. 

        ***

        "He should be here by now," Mark said when you woke up. He had been sitting next to you, curled in on himself, unmoving and silent until you brought a hand to his arm. You think it's morning with how antsy the bugs are about the hive. This was the third sleep you'd had in the cave. You didn't know how long they lasted, minutes or hours. Mark's sleep schedule was more intermittent. You were unsure if he had slept at all.

        "We don't know how long it's been." You say for what feels like the tenth time. 

        He'd explained the plan to you in more depth since day one. Once the others believed it was Scars and Lensless who beat up Phantom, they were supposed to go hunt the duo down. Leaving Phantom to recover alone, where he'd slip away. The others were supposed to assume somehow Scars and Lensless overheard him tattling, waited in the shadows, killed him while he was alone. Hell, maybe they did. Maybe that's why he hadn't shown up yet.

        In the time since you were trapped, you'd made more the cave more of a home. The Queen's massive shattered carapace exo-skull was over you like a tent- after Mark cleaned out the internals of course. It was thick, decently insulating, milky see-though, it made you feel like a hamster. But it was nice, having something that felt more 'inside' than the claustrophobic inside of the cave. Made it feel like leaving the makeshift bedroom was going outside. Like you weren't completely trapped.

        "What if they figured it out?" Mark says, standing, back to you, picking off dried bits of bug brain off the walls.

        "What if they didn't?" You countered, sitting up off the shittily DIY-ed cot that made your back crack. Breakfast was waiting on a carapace table, fire crackling beneath, keeping the shell bowl hot. Soup boiling. Thin and watery, with juicy meat chunks throughout. With the queen dead, you were nowhere near short on food. Though the colony kept on taking little pieces of her to the young. Mark thought they were trying to make a new queen. Maybe they were just bugs used to eating whatever. Meat didn't seem to ever be on the menu for them so why not?

        Since the queen's death they hadn't swarmed. They left you be, kept to the farm and tending the young. Left the main room alone for the most part aside from quietly picking at her corpse. There were no more hisses or clicks shared between them. The only sound they made were legs hitting ground by the thousands in distant rooms.

        Mark hummed, "They were always a little stupid," though he doesn't consider your side. He thinks Phantom is dead. He thinks the entire cave system is collapsed. Thinks you're going to run out of oxygen in a few weeks and die down here if he doesn't tunnel out to the surface. Where you'd die sunburned, peeling, and dehydrated. You were trapped either way. Always trapped.

        Phantom had said he was going to make a new tunnel. He worked for the GDA, he was smart, knew how to make something that wouldn't collapse. A secret passage that'd let you three go to and from the surface at will without detection. But Phantom wasn't here- Mark- Baldie, was. The Mark who didn't finish high school, who barely remembered anything before prison. If he tried to tunnel out, he'd collapse the cave, he'd crush you. He couldn't lose you again.

        Behind him, you pulled up a curved leg shell you used for a chair- surprisingly sturdy. You stabbed into the meat with a hollow barb taken off the Queen's back and shoved it into your mouth. She didn't taste as you guessed, shrimpy, she was actually more crab-like. Better tasting than anything you'd had back home. You ate seconds and thirds of her the first time Mark hesitantly boiled her leg meat. Luckily, she wasn't poisonous. Phantom hadn't lied about that.

        He hadn't eaten since the first time. Made sure you ate and drank and rest plenty while doing none of that himself. It was starting to get on your nerves.  

        "Pull up a chair, sit."

         He did without preamble. When it was done and your control ended, he stayed, knowing you'd just make him do it again. You hadn't used your powers since you both arrived but using them was a good sign you were fed up with him.

         You pushed the bowl toward him, not full yourself but knowing you could have plenty more in as long as it took to boil water. 

        You held out the barb to him, "Eat."

        He didn't take the utensil. He snatched up the fattest chunk of meat with his hands and bit into it like a rabid dog. The way he was used to eating in prison. Hurried, terrified, because any second the food could be taken away and withheld for weeks. Before with Emperor, he made himself eat slow, civilized, by watching the others. But when commanded to follow his internal instruction manual? He swallowed chunks whole, let meat juice drip down his arms. Drank deeply from the bowls edge when there were no morsels left.

        He hadn't eaten so much in years. He immediately wanted to puke- a bodily reaction and gut reaction to your pleased smile, to your hand patting his thigh. Why were you looking at him like that? He got you trapped.

        "Not to be a dick but why do you care?" He hadn't meant to ask. Theorized that with your waning hold on him he was more vulnerable. He wasn't but he also wasn't ready to accept that. That being alone with you made him feel like a stupid child. 

        "You saved me from those assholes, I saved you from starving yourself." You say it simply. "I know I'm always a major bitch when I'm hungry so."

        He would've laughed if he wasn't so mud-stuck in self hate, he still smiles, "Are you calling me a bitch?"

        "Kinda." You shift, rummaging in your solider pocket. It rested under the codeine, which you'd been tempted to drink these past few days but resisted. "Look," you held the disc over the table, "Phantom gave me this before everything went down, alright?" You flip it in your hand the same way he had, revealing the suction cup, revealing the hidden emergency button. You pressed it, got up and stuck the suctioned side to the wall. "It's a panic button. He knows we need him down here, alright? He's probably just being watched by Gray or someone else twenty-four seven. Those guys are dicks, but maybe one of them doesn't mind playing doctor for a few days. Makes it hard to slip away."

        He hadn't considered that. Thought since Phantom was so smart everything would go smoothly. Still, the anxiety comes out of him, "What if those two killed him for lying? Collapsed all the caves in the fight. You saw them, they're batshit."

        "I think we'd be dead if that happened." You say. "No way every cave but ours collapsed, dude."

        Another point he hadn't considered. He softens. "You might be right."

        "Might be?" You laugh, "I'm always right."

        ***

        Three more sleeps. You still hadn't seen Mark rest. He was antsy. Always fluttering room to room, looking for other ways out. Knocking on the walls to see if they were hollow. None of them were. 

        You were feeling the cabin (or would it be cave?) fever set in much slower but it set in just the same. You couldn't always have the fire going, too much smoke. It dissipated much slower since the cave-in. Added to Mark's total collapse theory, but you wouldn't tell him that. You explored with a torch now and again, stretching your legs but never getting far. 

        The hive was big, sure, but you could explore the whole thing without flying or super speed- though it would help. Especially in the nursery, where walking wasn't really possible unless you wanted to step on thousands of eggs. 

        You were starting to get a good feel of the hive. Fall into a rhythm of scavenging through the queen's remains and trying to make furniture or extend your hamster hut. You had to stay occupied or you'd start to agree with Mark. That Phantom was dead, all the caves were fucked and you were going to die down here.

        When you weren't home-making or sleeping, you were messing with the bugs. Poking at them, clicking at them. Mark was nice but anxious company. Covering with jokes that you saw right through. He thought he kept it hidden well, but he didn't. You knew what it was like to feel like a rat in a cage. You'd spent time behind bars. You knew how to make it work. He didn't, his jail time was too isolated, too dehumanizing. He was waiting for a punishment that always came. 

        Still, you tried to keep up his morale. 

        "I think I can control them." You said, walking backward on the well-worn path. A handful of freshly hatched young followed at your toes. Only stepping forward when you clicked your tongue, power laden in your throat. You had tried to control animals in the past to middling success. Dog's sat when you said sit, but they'd do that anyway. Bears couldn't maul your enemies because bears couldn't speak English. But alien bugs spoke in clicks and you could click.

        Mark doesn't reply at first. Sat on a ledge, elbows on knees, head in hand, brow furrowed. Angsting about Phantom. Angsting about this dark place. Angsting that he couldn't be happy when you were trying so hard to be happy. He knew you weren't, you were trying to make the best of a bad situation, and his inability to follow along was killing him. He should be happy, this cavern was a reprieve from everything you'd come to know in the desert, but it felt like prison to him. Your presence wasn't enough to stop the physical memories of his torment.

        "Think you can make 'em dig us a way out?" He tried to smile, but it faltered. 

        "Maybe eventually. Just getting a feel for it right now." 

        You stop when you not-so-accidentally back into his knees. You click your tongue once and the bugs pause before they reach your shoes. Three clicks later and they scamper back to the nursery. "Cool, huh?"

        Though he was horrified things would go wrong, he still thought you were, "The coolest."

        You could see the 'but' on his furrowed brow. "What else?"

        "That not enough of a compliment for you?" He joked.

        "Not what I mean, Mark. Tell me what you're really thinking about." 

        Caught red handed. No use hiding it. "If they don't make another queen, they're all going to die soon." He hated seeing your shoulders drop. Seeing his fear infect you, but you had to be reasonable. Had to at least hate him a little, the bastard with all those perverted thoughts cloying the inside of his skull. He shifted, feeling like he didn't deserve your incidental touch. "We'll run out of food." He leaves out the starving part. The slow, painful death he almost saw happen to you once.

        "You don't know that." 

        "I'm sorry." He says though it pains him, "You don't either."

        You spin on him and give him a look he deserved. Anger mingled with annoyance. "Are you trying to upset me?"

        "No!" He says thought he thought it'd be better if his mouth stayed shut. "I'm just... I don't know. Scared. Scared I've ruined everything and you don't even realize how bad things are."

        You could punch him but it'd be like hitting a brick wall. It'd only make him worse, and in turn make you worse. 

         "Ruined everything?" It's an effort to make your voice gentle, "We're the best off we've been in weeks, I haven't been sexually harassed or threatened. We don't have to share food or ration. Even if all the bugs die, people eat mold all the time. Blue cheese, duh." You're not sure about that, but say it just so he'd stop moping. His expression doesn't change. "Come on, dude, at least pretend to be happy to be alone with me. The others would be acting like they won the lotto right now and I'd probably be trying to kill them. But you? You're acting like you're in hell."

        "I got you stuck here." He countered limply. You wore him down in few sentences. Softened his edges.

        "We're not stuck. You can turn yourself into a human drill." He opens his mouth to argue, "Ah-ah-ah, I'm not done. I know it'd be dangerous but maybe the queen's shell could protect me from falling rock or somethin'. I don't know. I know it's best to wait for the other guy, but just know we're not officially trapped- so stick that in your ass and smoke it. Have you considered I might want to be alone with you awhile?"

        "You want to be-" Mark swallowed thickly. Not noticing until now how you'd snuck closer. Body pressed between his open knees, hands on his thighs. So caught up in his own head he hadn't noticed your flirting. He wanted you, bad, but he had to say. "I- I destroyed part of your world? I did horrible things in your name, I don't understand."

        "I've literally killed multiple versions of you." You say evenly, "Does that make you not want me?" 

        "No." It's almost instant.

        "Then I think we're agreed." You lean in. 

        He has to lean down on the ledge to meet your kiss. Awkwardly bent as it made him. 

        You hadn't kissed since that first day. He'd made himself avoid your touch, fly out of your lingering gaze. He knows you couldn't love him, not with your past and previous declarations of Mark Grayson hate. But he'd earned himself this affection somehow and he'd take it, even if he thought he was undeserving. You both needed an anchor, something solid and real that wasn't fear. These dog days had made the selfish thing in him fester, come to surface to taste for blood.

        Blood that rushed to his face as you climbed up the rock, still kissing him. Pushing him to scramble backward on his ass. You were like a force of nature, bending him to your will. Straddling his hips while he laid back on the cool rock. Tongue slipping into his mouth, leading the way when he fumbled. Excited but largely inexperienced. 

        He didn't know where to put his hands. Your hips felt too charged a place. Your shoulders too awkward. Your waist seemed like a good bet. 

        Soon as he made contact you let out a groan that he swallowed. Eyes rolling behind shut lids at the sound. He was stiff where you were fluid. Kiss and breath constantly on the move. From his lips to his marred cheek down to his jaw where you sucked his skin into your mouth. He let out an embarrassing sound, whole body tensing, fingers digging into your sides. 

        You'd be bruising tomorrow, but the pain was welcome. Made you hum satisfied against his skin, lower your teeth to the nape of his neck and nip. His breath caught in his throat. Hands flexing. 

        "This okay?" You ask. 

        "Yes." He said embarrassingly quick. "Yes it is."

        "Good." You leave a trail of open mouthed kisses against his neck. Sending unfamiliar sparks up and down his body, right to the head of his cock. His hips jolted up involuntarily. Pressing the pitching tent against your pants. Your kisses stop, he's about to apologize, when you let out a satisfied laugh that makes something in his lower belly flip. "Little more than okay, I think."

        "Yeah." He breathes a soft chuckle. Then stops breathing when you drag yourself down his length through layers of clothes. The pressure is hot, immediate, almost painfully intense. It'd been a long time. Jerking off was never on his mind in prison. He was always too beat up or starving or something worse. 

        Your lips meld back to his as you rolled yourself against him. Working him through clothes until his cock is achingly hard and throbbing. You pull up, leaning back to look down at him. His white pants sporting a high tent between your legs. His chest rapidly rising and falling. Sweat sticky on his brow. 

        You'd worked yourself up but couldn't get as much friction on your end as you'd like. Your hand goes to your fly. 

        "Wait." He says, breathless and wispy.

         You pause. "Do you not want to-"

        "I do! I do! So, so bad. But uhm. I'm uhm."

        You roll your hips against his hard-on and watch him squirm. "You're what?"

        "I'm scared I'll uhm, get to excited and uhm, crush you." He tried to make his face deadly serious but he was so flushed and fucked-out he looked anything but. He goes redder when you laugh. "I'm serious."

        "I get it," your hand falls from your fly, "we can take things slow." And goes to his waistband.

        His brows knit. "How is that taking things slow?"

        "Third base ain't a home run." You tug at the band but don't release the straining monster. "And I can stay on top."

        Mark considered the options. Keep his hands to himself and cum or blueball himself sad boy style. He picked the former. "If you- if you don't mind."

        Your grin is wicked as you tear his pants down, "Mind? I've been trying to do this since you brought me here." Could he get any harder?

        You watch his cock fly up and out to slap against his stomach. You groan at the sight. Waste no time trailing your fingers up his shaft, barely touching just to watch his face.

        In truth, Baldie was covered in thick scar tissue that made feeling difficult. But the sight of you over him, handling him, that's what sent pleasure up and down his slowly arching spine. And when you took him into your hand, really took him, he felt it. Like a cuff of fire he never wanted to go out. 

        You started, thumb swirling on his weeping tip. He was excited, sure, but nowhere near lubricated enough for you to really put in some elbow grease. So you do what any handjob giving warrior would do and spit on his dick. 

        "Aah?" The sound is a question quickly followed by a moan as you work your saliva up and down his shaft. "Haahh!"

        His fingers went to the ground, scraping up lines of rock to contain himself as you jerked him off. You leaned over him, propped on one hand as you pulled hard at the base. He whimpered, shot his hips up, hitting yours hard enough to bruise. He muttered a gasping, "Sorry," and pinned his ass to the floor. 

        Instead of accepting his apology, you aim to make his life worse. "You're good," you say husky, working hand and rolling hip, "you're doing so good." 

        He came without warning, so hard and unexpected he thought he was going to black out. Shooting meager drops onto his chest. He stilled all at once, heaving, red all over.

        "S-sorry." He said, "I didn't mean to."

        You moved viper fast. On your hands and knees, licking the cum off his stomach. Moaning as you rolled up his body, captured his lips in a kiss where he tasted himself. Barely there but salty. You pull back, a bridge of spittle connecting mouth to mouth, "That was so fucking hot."

        It was nice to be in control, to have Mark under you and pliant.

        "Really?" 

        "Yeah you fucking idiot." You kiss him, all tongue and teeth. He should be upset by the words, the tone, but he's not. When you pull away your eyes are dark, lust blown. "You've got two options here." You look down to his softening length. "Either you finger me or I ride your leg."

        Mark didn't know if he could blush anymore. 

        He bumbled, stumbled over his words. You made things worse by asking, "Make your choice or I'll make it for you." He could feel his cock stir. 

        "I think it'd be best if you laid back and I-" he forced himself to meet your eye, "you know."

        You nodded and dismounted his lap. Hurriedly shucking off the GDA boots, which was hard with how slick your hands were. 

        "Let me help." You felt a breeze, then you were bare from the waist down. Mark on his knees in front of you, hovering over you, scared if he initiated the kiss he'd smash your skull.

        You catch his drift, lean in first. The kiss is short, sweet. He broke the kiss, leaned back, and took you in. You leaned back, spread your legs wider, voice a teasing whisper, "Hey." 

        He hadn't seen a pussy, your pussy, in years. Hadn't drooled like this in years either. His hands shook. He didn't know if he could do this. He was horrified he'd hurt you. And also, he had no fucking clue what he was doing. He was sure he'd fingered you before but he couldn't remember anything besides a vague warm feeling, your skin against his. Torture does that to a brain. "Now's probably a bad time to tell you I don't know what I'm doing."

        "I don't care Mark, just touch me." You brought his hand to your inner thigh.

        Mark nodded, willing his hand to move closer to your heat, his breath shaking, trying not to look at your face. He knew he'd lose his nerve if he did, if he saw the desire for some bastard like him in your eye.

        His fingers barely brush over your entrance, dragging through your slick before landing on your clit. He circles the nub and your hips jut forward trying to get him to go, "Harder," You say.

         He nods. Pressing his thumb carefully into the flesh. Knuckles pressing indecently into your slickened cunt. You shudder and cant your hips, trying to suck the fingers in. He only glanced at your face because your head was thrown back. "Do you want me to-"

        "Yes-" You gasp, "Yes, just do it."

        Mark shifted. Pressure leaving your clit while he focused on lining up a single finger with your entrance. He is shaking with anticipation, cock hard against his stomach. When you look down at him, he's a deer in the headlights. "Come on," you goad, "fuck me."

        He sunk the finger in slow, one knuckle at a time. Watching you shudder, feeling you suck him in, pulse around him. He barely gets to enjoy being sunken into you before you're moving, fucking yourself desperately on a single finger. Little moans echoing off the cave walls. All he can do a moment is watch, reverent until you gasp, "Move."

        The pull-out is agonizingly, unintentionally slow. The fill-back is good, his finger pad curled up. He retained some muscle memory. You bare down on his fingers as he moves. Hips quick and erratic to his measured pace. He is hypnotized by the way you use him so freely. 

        "Another one." You say, sweat shining on your cheeks. 

        He's about to ask another what when you grind against his hand. Three fingers and a thumb slick with your arousal, just waiting to be used. You pull your hips back so he can pull out, readjust, and fill you back up all the quicker. When he's to the knuckle, two fingers deep, you throw your head back and whine. Hips wiggling, forcing fingers to press to your g-spot over and over and over until, "Fuck- fuck I'm gonna cum!"

        He makes the first move, surging forward to kiss you. Your teeth clack together but it doesn't matter, you are coming undone. Shivering and groaning into his mouth, pulsing hard enough around his fingers for him to feel it. For him to accept that this is really real.

          When it is done, you break the kiss to heave, resting forehead to forehead. 

        "Can I-" He doesn't want to say it, just wants to indulge, to lose himself in your body, "Can I eat you out?"

        He feels you clench around his fingers at the thought, your breath stuttering as you said, "Thought you had no idea what you were doing." You're teasing him but your voice is uneven, thighs quaking in anticipation. 

        "I want to," he says it quietly, "I want to. Please."

        Your nodding is on the edge of desperate, body still coming down, "Fuck, please Mark." . 

        That was all the permission he needed. He was on his belly in an instant. An open mouth met with your entrance. Tongue brought up to your apex. Tongue flat, rolling tentatively over the whole mass. You shuddered and he did it again with a flexed tongue, catching pleasure by the tail. Feels how you stiffen, how your hold on him tightens.

        The search for that spot begins. Lost in his excitement to see how you'd react. He is clumsy, imprecise, but not lacking in enthusiasm. Full face pressed to your heat. Nose pressed to pubic bone, his fingers tentatively sliding in and out of your body. Tongue exploring, eyes watching, drinking in every move, ears strained for your moans. 

        He was no lesbian but he was moaning into your cunt, savoring your taste. Trying to commit to memory. You hold him down, he doesn't breathe, you grind into his tongue, he takes everything you give. Slowly, he melted into your body, growing more comfortable, more confident. He never hurt you, never squeezes your thighs too hard, though your legs try to choke him at the neck.

        The climb isn't quick, it's back and forth, but you savor it. 

        "Suck," you gasp when his tongue made a particularly devious flick, his fingers pressing into your g-spot.  "suck on it." 

        He obeys. Rewarded with your scream and arching back. "Fuck, fuck Mark, oh fuck!" Only encouraged him to bear down, to swipe his tongue back and forth, bully your cunt into melting submission. You cum again, clawing at the back his neck, bucking hard into his face.

        He rose over you. Spent, gasping, shaking with the lingering high of release. Chin sticky, tongue coated, nose filled with you. 

        You grin as you feel his cock hard against your thigh. Sly, devious, ready to undo him again. "I think you deserve a reward."

        It goes back and forth and back and forth. A feral fuck-fest of hand stuff and carpet munching. Until you are both spent, physically and emotionally. Laid partly nude atop one another, you on him, breath echoing off the cave walls. His arm slung over your waist, dick going soft and sleepy.

        "Well," your heart hammers in your chest, pressed to his, "That should also help you be less of an asshole."

        He can't find anything negative or self deprecating to say, so he smiles and pulls you somehow closer. 

[harrysfolklore]

spill your guts or fill your guts

all i have to say is, i miss this man so much

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

When Harry told you that the Late Late Show asked him to do the 'Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts' segment with you as the guest, you didn't think twice before accepting the invitation.

However, as you sat in front of a table full of plates with bizarre and disgusting food, your boyfriend in front of you ready to ask you uncomfortable questions and cameras rolling catching your every reaction, you started to regret considering it in the first place.

"How are you feeling about this?" Harry asked when the cheers and applause died down, giving you his million dollar smile that made everyone drool over him.

"I can't believe I agreed to do this." You said shaking your head as you adjusted your top, giving a nervous smile to the audience.

Harry turned his head to the camera before speaking, "This is our first time, playing the game I mean," he smirked for a second, making the audience cheer and shake your head again, "And the last time we will do it also, right love?" and the blush didn't fail to appear in your cheeks at the pet name, because no matter how long you and Harry had been together, he could still make you blush like the first time.

"Right, indeed," you nodded your head, "Let's take a look at the food we have on the table."

"Okay so, we have Bug Trifle," Harry said and the audience instantly let out a collective sound of disgust, "Yeah ew," he mimicked making you laugh and he smiled slightly because your nerves were slowly fading away, "Jellyfish," the audience groaned again and Harry couldn't help himself before he mimicked them one more time "Yeah, ugh!" you laughed again as he continued naming the food for the game, that consisted in giant water scorpion, 1,000 year old eggnog, cow blood and pork tongue jelly, cod sperm, salmon smoothie and bull penis. 

"So I'll ask the first question, the producers have not shown us these ahead of time, and before I choose the food you'll have to eat I want to say something," Harry paused to look at the camera for a minute before turning to you again, "I love you babe, I consider myself a good boyfriend, and I hope I'm still a good boyfriend after this," the audience erupted in cheers and howls, and the blush rushed into your cheeks again, "That being said, let's start with the 1,000 year old eggnog."

"Nooo!" you couldn't help but squeal when the food was placed in front of you, "You know I love you too but you might end up taking the couch tonight!" Harry chuckled and the audience laughed along with him, "Is the cinnamon supposed to make this any better?" you grabbed the cinnamon stick making a disgusted face at the drink.

"Give it a sniff." Harry spread his arms as it was the most obvious thing.

"Why?" you asked but sniffed the drink anyway, "Oh my god! That's disgusting!" Harry laughed and you felt the urge to throw up without even tasting it yet.

"Come on love, It's gonna be fine," Harry sent you a wink and you rolled your eyes with affection, "Ready?" 

"No! But let's get this over with."

"Okay," Harry said as he grabbed the card to read the first question, and when he let out a devilish laugh you knew you were in for a ride, "You are great friends with the girls from BlackPink, you have been on tour together and released multiple collaborations, rank the members Jennie, Lisa, Jisoo and Rosé."

He finished the question and the audience erupted in screams and cheers, it was no secret that you and the BlackPink girls were the best of friends and they were dying to hear your answer.

You grabbed the cup and moved it close to your face scrunching your nose at the smell, "Hold on, I think I can answer it," Harry raised his brow and tilted his head at you before you continued, "I mean, I love all of them so much, and this doesn't mean I love any of them any less, It's just based on how close-"

"Drink the eggnog." Harry interrupted your rant making the audience laugh.

"Noooo!" you protested, refusing to drink the beverage, "Okay, it would be like, Jennie, Rosé, Jisoo and Lisa."

You said quickly and instantly covered your face in embarrassment, even thought the girls would understand that it's all part of the game.

"Whoo!" Harry said laughing and putting an amused face, "That was controversial, love."

"Oh shut up, It's your turn."

"Alright, now you choose something for me that I would have to eat." 

"I'll do the sperm." you said turning the table to place the food in front of him.

"Okay."

"Here you go."

"Okay." he said again and the crowd laughed for a minute.

"Just so all you know, this is exactly how an argument between us looks like, me yelling like a maniac and him just saying okay," the audience laughed again and Harry just shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"Alright," you said before clearing your throat and grabbing the card with his question, "Oh I'm dying to know this," your smirked before continuing, "Which songs on your One Direction albums are about me?"

Harry instantly covered his eyes and started laughing at the question, over the years fans have speculated about songs by the band were about you, since Harry confirmed he had a crush on you ever since you were on tour together.

With the crowd cheering and your expectantly look on him, Harry grabbed the napkin that was on the table to put it on his neck and try to cut the cod sperm, "Sooo, I would say track number-"

"No! Answer it or eat it!" you interrupted him and he had no other choice but to grab a piece with the fork that instantly made him make a disgusted face.

"Just don't look at it."

"Oh yeah, that fixes everything. Just don't look at it!" Harry sassed at you, "What we doing?" he looked at the camera almost in disbelief.

"This was your idea! Now go," and with a final look at you, he put the cod sperm on his mouth and started chewing it, looking directly at the camera as he did it.

"Just swallow it, why do you keep chewing on it."

"To spit or to swallow, that is the question," and the crowd broke down in laughs again at his cheekiness as he spit the cod sperm on the bucket beside him, "Really carries an aftertaste, fancy a kiss, love?" he tried to stand up and you stopped him immediately.

 "Nope! No kissing until we wash our mouths properly!"

"Okay so, I'll give you the salmon smoothie now."

And if Harry wasn't your boyfriend that you loved him so much and you weren't on live television, you swore you could murder him on the spot for giving you the food that you hated the most.

"Why are you doing this to me? You know I hate salmon."

"Come on love, I'm putting you up for a challenge," you rolled your eyes and he smiled before grabbing the card with your question, "Okay, you were part of Versace's newest campaign alongside some of the most popular supermodels in the world, who was the most unlikable out of all of them?"

"I have the answer. I can't say it, though," and without further notice, you grabbed the glass and took a big gulp of the salmon smoothie, feeling disgusted when the flavor hit your tongue and grabbing a glass of water to erase the aftertaste.

"Watching you drink that made me feel sick." Harry handed you his napkin and you wiped your mouth as you looked around the table to choose the next food for him.

"Okay, I'll give you the bug trifle," you grabbed the card with the question, "We have been dating for three years now, do you see yourself dating me for another three years?" 

"That's easy, yes," he shrugged and the audience went nuts at his confession, and your cheeks were blushing again as your heart melted.

"You're such a sap, and on national television too!" you teased him and he srugged again.

"I'm just a boy who's in love, can you blame me?" The crowd awed and you rolled your eyes as you encouraged him to give you your next food.

"I think we're going to go with bull penis," he cheekily smiled for a moment, "Yeah, bull penis. You ready?"

"No, but you could go."

"It's just bull penis," he said as he grabbed the next card, and when he read what was on it he instantly let out a mischievous laugh that made you nervous about what was coming, "Okay, who is the most surprising celeb to ever slide into your DMs?"

"Who is he?" Harry yelled after a few minutes of silence from you and you laughed at his antics, "That's information I must know, babe."

"I feel like I can say it, right?"

"You're telling me who was it off camera anyway, so?"

"Shut up!" you paused for a moment to think about if you should whether or not reveal that the most surprising celebrity that tried to hit on you via Instagram was no other than Liam Payne, your boyfriend's former bandmate, even tho he knew that you and Harry were happily in a relationship and you couldn't be less interested.

 "I think I'm eating the penis," deciding to be a nice person and not embarrass him on national television, you said and grabbed a piece of it to put in your mouth, "Oh my god! That was disgusting."

You grabbed the bucket beside you and threw the piece in as Harry laughed.

"Just so we're clear, however was that bloke, I hope you know she's taken, by me." Harry shrugged and gave the camera an innocent look.

"For your last question I'm giving you... the scorpion thing," you read his question and it was your turn to give him a devilish look, "Between Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn rank their solo-"

And before you could even finish the question, Harry already had the giant scorpion on his mouth, making you, the audience on set and his thousands of fans watching at home scream and laugh.

He spat on the bucket after chewing for a minute, took a big gulp of water and wiped his mouth before turning to the camera to wrap up the segment.

"That was 'Spill your guts or fill your guts', we'll be right back with more of the Late Late Show!"

[hermitadaymay]

Introducing the Raffle Artists of HADM '25!

Hello one more time, Hermitcraft fans! March is almost over... which means Hermit-a-Day May is fast approaching! As we lead up to the April 1st release of this year's schedule, I'd like to take some time to introduce the nine amazing featured artists helping us out with our fundraiser incentives this year!

Today: our Raffle Artists, belmarzi, sand-stinger, FantasyKiri, and ethosiab! The raffle is new to Hermit-a-Day May this year, and we hope you find the prizes we have on offer as cool as we do!

Last year, Hermitcraft fanart and animation legend belmarzi blessed us with an amazing milestone reward animatic - and this year, she's back to kick off our first raffle with a bang! Bel's raffle offering is a commission slot for a digital full-body portrait painting, like this one she did of Cleo:

Next up, from the coolest segment of the streamathon:

Sand is crocheting an amigurumi Jellie plushie for their raffle offering! While we don't have photos of the final product yet, you can check out this post to see Sand's awesome crochet skills in action. Jellie will be a little over a foot long (including the tail) and made of super soft yarn for maximum cuddliness! We will cover up to US$25 shipping to get the plushie to wherever the winner is.

Hermit-a-Day veteran Kiri is offering a commission slot for a full scene of up to eight characters, in a similar style to the example below but a bit smaller-scope (and, presumably, less Moomin-y, but far be it for me to tell you what to do with your commission slot! Maybe Moominhermits is the crossover the world needs.).

Finally, our ninth featured artist this year...

Nic's raffle offering is a commission slot for a three-page comic! He will work closely with you to put to page your favorite canon moment, fanfiction scene, or just whatever plot bunny you have in mind! Here's a shorter comic exhibiting Nic's style:

All raffle entries will be $1 - so, for example, if you donate $10 and select the raffle for Sand's plushie Jellie as your reward, you will get 10 entries toward Jellie! You can donate multiple times and select a different raffle option each time, if you'd like. Note that raffle entries do not stack with Individual Reward commissions - you will have to choose one or the other for any given donation. Remember, all donations go to a good cause: the Hermits' favorite charity, Gamers Outreach!

Next time: THE CALENDAR!

[notscarsafe]

OKAY SO what with the TWO new Hermits implied by the updated banner I will say that, though the Skizz truthers have me convinced, I now have room to do my own crazy red string monologue and throw my hat in for my choice

1) Mythical J. Sausage (the J is silent) is a multitalented S-tier builder that absolutely deserves to be shoulder to shoulder with the Hermits. The man does buildings, interiors, terraforming, custom trees, and he does them SO WELL.

2) The production values!!! Beautiful replay mod sequences with shifting camera perspectives, shaders, music that sets the tone for each segment that's different from series to series. He already has more than a million followers on YouTube and for good reason!!

3) He has been SO consistent lately. He started a hardcore world about three months ago (about the time you might expect the Hermits to finalize their s10 choices maybe...???) and already has 15 episodes and hasn't gotten involved in any other big content. (He did just start playing a little of the BCG server but from what I understand that's super casual /copium copium copium).

4) That hardcore world is conveniently about to reach a good "pause" point. He started his world on a cherry blossom biome island that he's filled with a medieval village and starter farms, he's said it's almost full and what's left is the castle. I'm guessing the new season will start the first week of February, so if Sausage puts out a video this week building out that Castle and finishing that island it will be MIGHTY CONVENIENT TIMING.

5) This man can GRIND. His Hardcore world hasn't even been going half a year and he's built... So much??? Magnificent! And when he was on the Hermitcraft server he did the Razorcrest for scar AND the player head baby yoda/stormtrooper merch AND the noteblock themesong AND still built in the xmas village and other "diamond of peace" and so many other shenanigans. Did the man even sleep? He can grind with the best of them.

6) He can do redstone, too! Maybe not unique designs, I honestly don't know, but he builds farms for build materials no problem.

7) The DRAMA this man loves his improv and his backstory and trauma lore! For every series he does! Can you imagine if he gets to interact with Ren for an extended period of time, what that would do to them, to us?? Give Martyn a run for his money!!

8) Which brings me to my next point, which is that Sausage is already One of The Gang, because he's been in series with so many of the Hermits already! Empires and the crossover, obviously, but also Pirates with Cleo and Origins with Scar, and he's even done MCC! Joel is the only other player with the same depth of different series but there are other people truthing him already.

9) The EPIC BROMANCE with Pearl. My god the devotion of this man to his sunflower goddess bestie. I would try to do ot justice but y'all have seen floweroflaurelins work, you already know.

10) He's already a PG streamer but with HILARIOUSLY PG-13 tendencies. Imagine him and Cleo cracking each other up at an HHH stream, *grips your shoulders* IMAGINE IT.

11) Sausage comes with his own mascot in the form of interdimensional dog extraordinaire Bubbles, but he's also just an animal lover on general. Mans drinks his "I love Jellie" juice and had her in his world even before the sad news of her loss.

12) Diversity win! No one should be hired just for their gender, race, sexuality etc etc unless it's truly necessary to the job, but we were all happy when more women got added to the server in s8 and I know a lot of people would be happy to see some ethnic diversity added, too.

... That bulletin board had a lot more pins in it than I thought it did but anyway MYTHICALSAUSAGE TRUTHERS/ALL OTHER TRUTHERS RISE UP SPEAK YOUR TRUTH! we'll only get to wildly speculate for a few weeks so we might as well make it everyone else's problem ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!!

[chongoblog]

SCREW IT IM GONNA TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A BIT

So it's been like a month since I put up my last big mashup, and the response has been awesome. I wanted to talk about all the little bits I put in there, because frankly, I put a lot of love into it, and I want to share it! Here's the video of the mashup with the music video (which is a big part of it.)

First of all, shoutouts to Shoocharu for the incredible animation for the original MV. I've found him to always have the best Game Grumps animations, and his abilities work perfectly for this music video.

Okay, now just to talk about all the Silly Jokes and Bits and Stuff. A lot of these were noticed by comments (and shoutouts to them! I love seeing people get these)

-Ska Cha Cha is used as a reference to the name of the actual song "Transcendental Cha Cha Cha". Close enough.

-A couple samples are used multiple times at different points in the song. For "Tik Tok", "Ska Cha Cha" and "Down" it makes sense since it's the chorus of the song. However, I also bring back "I'm Blue" and "Toxic" because in the original song, those samples are played over the lyrics "The universe is getting colder, colder. Still every universe somehow got Zumba". Those lyrics are repeated at the end of the song, showing how what was once madness is now being embraced. I thought playing those samples again with the full mix was appropriate.

-And yes, in the two appearances of The Void in the music video, MEGALOVANIA plays because he looks kinda like Sans.

-"words, words, words" was a super interesting inclusion. At first I added it because of the lyric "Just relax..." which is a lyric during that portion of Transcendental Cha Cha Cha. Also, not only did "here's two facts" thematically work well (since the song was about to discuss two separate universes) but it also perfectly aligned rhythmically. Also, that "words, words, words" line might be one of my favorite pre-choruses ever.

-I included Cruel Angel's Thesis at someone else's suggestion, but I'm really glad they suggested it. I actually start it with a somewhat heavy low pass filter before slowly fading off it because I thought it sounded cooler.

-I included "Harder Better Faster Stronger" during that portion because Tom's vocal effects sound similar.

-Cha Cha Slide matches perfectly since the lyrics of Transcendental Cha Cha Cha are also "Slide to the left....slide to the right". Incredibly proud of the little breakdown I included during the mix-up portion.

-"Sometimes this song, it sounds like" segment is referencing myself, since over the years I have developed my own patterns. Sometimes the song does indeed sound like Crawling (plus funny commercial next to it. Again...patterns) and sometimes it does sound like All Star (shoutouts to Star Shop)

-The Mighty B! Theme slaps actually.

-I felt like I had to include the Peanut Butter Jelly snippet, since "it's everything and nothing, it's a baseball bat" sounded almost like it was a direct reference to it. I wanted to include the original Tom Cardy lyric on top of that one both to hammer home the joke and also because I thought the harmonic vocals layered perfectly onto Peanut Butter Jelly Time would make for a nice touch.

-Every time I saw someone notice that I put the "God Dammit" directly after Never Gonna Give You Up to imply that he was mad about getting rick rolled, I gained a year of my life.

-Keeping the "Blink!" from the original song I felt was useful to help kinda punctuate the wildly different samples I was using.

-"Money Game" and "Money Money Money" being played over the French Revolution. Completely unrelated, but have you noticed how much wealth inequality we're facing here in America? That's interesting.

-"Closer" and "Closer" is such an easy joke. In fact it's so easy I've done it before. Did it anyway lmao

-During the big buildup, "Larger Than Life" was used mostly because I hadn't used that song before and I thought it was time. "Dare" was put in because I think that the vocals work really well to naturally create a sense of buildup (unless it's the Live version). "Brain Power" was put in to replicate the noise gate that Tom put on his extended note.

-Monkey Watch and Mr Brightside. Again! Patterns!

-toes

So yeah that's Transcendental Fever Dream. I'm sure if I had more time and excuses to talk about all the nitty gritty details and choices made I'd do it, but I think this is a pretty big breakdown. Something's always felt kinda Big about this one. I think that save for Super Smashup, this is the best mashup I've ever made, and I think it acts as a sort of a culmination of these last 7 years or so of mashups. No idea what the future holds, but if it comes from love, then it's gonna be great.

Thanks for reading.

[bethanythebogwitch]

Wet Beast Wednesday: box jellyfish

Jellyfish are curious things, but some are curiouser than others. Most jellyfish are members of the class Scyphozoa, which is a very diverse clade with plenty of jellies to choose from. But then there are the Cubozoa, a separate class of jellyfish that have a lot of interesting and unique features, such as being some of the most venomous animals in the world. Try not to get stung.

(Image: a box jellyfish. It is a mostly translucent jellyfish with a box-shaped bell. From the corners of the bell hand four tentacles that are a striped white and orange. End ID)

Like the Scyphozoa, the approximately 50 known species of box jellyfish have a body plan consisting of a bell and trailing tentacles. While the Scyphozoa have round bells, box jellyfish have cuboid bells, which give them their name. At each lower corner of the bell is a stalk that leads into one or more tentacles. The interior of the bell is divided into four regions by structures called septa. In each region is a gastric pocket that helps direct food into the central stomach and has structures that help water flow into and out of the animal. Each septa is lined with digestive filaments and two of the jellyfish's eight gonads. In the center of the bell is a flexible, trunk-like appendage called the manubrium which contains the mouth and stomach. When thebox jellyfish eats, it draws prey into the one of the septa where the digestive filaments begin digestion. The manubrium then maneuvers the mouth over to the prey and eats it. Prey is captured with the tentacles, which are lined with stinging cells called cnidocytes which contain structures called nematocysts that inject venom into prey and threats. The tentacles then help move the food into the bell. While Scyphozoa come in a variety of colors, box jellyfish are almost always translucent.

(Image: a box jellyfish, this one having a squatter bell and multiple tentacles at each corner. The manubrium is visible through the bell as a curving, trunk-like structure. End ID)

Box jellyfish have a developed nervous system consisting of two portions: the nerve ring and the rhopalia. The ring nerve stretches around the base of the bell and controls how it moves. The rhopalia is a system of nerves that controls sensory structures. In particular, it controls a sense of gravity and the eyes. While some Scyphozoa have simple light-sensing eyes, the box jellyfish have true eyes with retinas, corneas, and lenses. Like the bell, the rhopalium is divided int four segments. Each segment has two true eyes as well as two simple pit eyes for detecting light levels and two simple slit eyes that likely detect movement. The true eyes can be oriented in different directions and they always appear to keep one pair pointing up. Thanks to their good eyesight and the shape of the bell allowing for rapid bursts of speed, the box jellyfish can actively hunt its prey instead of just drifting and waiting for food to come to them. What's more impressive is their ability to actively navigate their environment and learn to avoid certain threats. It was long thought that animals without brains would not be able to truly learn, but multiple types of cnidarians have shown learning behavior, with the box jellyfish seeming to be the most advanced.

(Image: a scientific diagram showing pictures of a box jellyfish eye and a drawing of its anatomy. End ID. Source)

Box jellyfish reproduce every year and are semelparous, meaning they only mate once before dying. However, there is some inconclusive evidence that the species Chiropsalmus quadrumanus may be able to mate multiple times. Reproduction can be both internal and external depending on species. In external reproduction, the male and female release gametes into the water. In internal reproduction, the pair will maneuver themselves so the openings of their bells face each other and the male will pass a packet of sperm to the female. In these species, the female retains the eggs internally until they hatch. The juveniles hatch as a type of swimming larva called a planua. The planua will eventually settle and become fixed to a hard surface, metamorphosing into a polyp. The polyp is a non-swimming stage found in all members of the clade Medusuzoa, of which the box jellyfish are a member. Polyps will grow for months to years and during this period, they can reproduce asexually by budding off clones of themselves. Eventually, the polyps will metamorphose into the adult medusa stage

(Image: photos of a box jellyfish at different stages of its life cycle. It starts as a bean-shaped planula, progresses to a worm-like creeping polyp, then to an anemone-like sedentary polyp, then to a newly released medusa, which looks like a tentacle-less box jellyfish. The medusa them matures to a small juvenile and finally a mature adult. end ID)

Box jellyfish are found worldwide in tropical waters, though most known species are from the Indo-Pacific. It is likely that many species ave been overlooked as their transparency and frequently small size makes it easy to miss them. New studies using e-DNA, DNA that is shed and collected through the environment, may help identify nee species and populations. Box jellyfish are known to most people as being some of the most venomous animals in the world, but only a few species are dangerous to humans. The species Chironex fleckeri is the most dangerous to humans. Its venom causes extreme pain and can lead to death within 2-5 minutes if enough venom enters the system. C. fleckeri has caused over 60 recorded deaths in Australia (because where else would it live?) and while there is now an antidote to the venom, getting it to the victim fast enough can be challenging. A singe C. fleckeri is often said to carry enough venom to kill 60 people. Most reported cases of stings have not ended in death as not enough venom was introduced to the system. Also from Australia (of course) are the Irukandji, a group of about 16 similar box jellyfish that can also be lethal, but while C. fleckeri at least has the decency to be big, the Irukandji jellyfish are all tiny. Their venom causes a reaction called Irukandji syndrome that is delayed for up to 2 hours after the sting and can lead to cardiac arrest if not treated. Jellyfish nets are common sights on Australian beaches. They enclose parts of the water with nets that have mesh small enough to keep most jellyfish out. Application of vinegar to the sting is the current recommended treatment and many beaches in Australia are required to stock it, though some research has indicated that vinegar may actually make the sting worse.

(Gif: footage of the rare spotted box jellyfish. It has a large bell with stripes and rings on it and the tentacles are thick and reddish. It is swimming, showing off the movement of the bell in how it propels itself. End ID)

[koshmasha]

I'm sorry. Poppy playtime obsession got to me😞

I feel bad for the toys and I won't rest until my mind comes up with a scenario where everyone lives!! However, that need alone is not enough to make me draw something.

While I love the toys' designs bc they're all such cutie patooties, their biology/anatomy just make no sense to me (well, most of them, i have little to no issues with Huggy and Kissy) >.<

That's why my autistic ass (powered by sheer confusion and need to make sense) decided to redesign the characters. Well, not the TOY designs themselves, but rather the ones that are alive and were previously humans- YOU GET IT

To justify my redesigns I also had to rewrite the story a little. Pardon me, but I don't understand how they made human/toy hybrids that are both organic and artificial... This makes zero sense to me, so in my rewrite Playtime Co. created their living "toys" via mutation and crossing human and other creatures DNA. Some Umbrella + Urbanshade shit, yea... Right now I'm done with Yarnaby and Doey, and there's also a Catnap redesign in progress (I'll show him later)

Here are some notes on my redesigns:

YARNABY

- I genuinely tried my best to figure out his vertically split mouth, but after doing some research I realised that this is probably anatomically impossible:')

- my main inspo for his mouth are snake jaw and some resident evil mutants. I used boss forms of Moreau and Lady Dimitrescu from re8 as references, bc they both have these weird segmented jaws, but i feel like Moreau's jaw gives off more of like, Yarnaby vibes, so my Yarnaby's jaw is similar to that of Moreau's

- instead of having fur made of yarn, he has real fur, cuz my Yarnaby is a fully organic creature, a mutated human. His fur is just dyed in rainbow colours, however it wasn't re-dyed since the hour of joy, so he isn't as aesthetically pleasing as he once was (still perfect to me)

DOEY

- again, Istfg I don't get the logic behind this living play dough. If he's made of clay why does he need food... The answers I'll never get. ANYWAY- Since I'm trying a mutation approach here, rather than ??? whatever we see in the game, I thought "what is the most play dough-like creature on earth?" And my mind immediately screamed OCTOPUS. I mean, they're squishy and gummy- They can squeeze through tight spots, they're colourful and look like jelly

- also while looking for octopus references, i found out that they have neurons in each of their tentacles, which allows them to multitask! I thought this was a cool explanation for how Doey's personalities control the body

- so yea, my Doey is basically a human/octopus mutant hybrid. That's it. Although idk how they merged three persons into one living being. My main idea is that boys just fused during the experiments... I'm trying my best here to make sense out of this all, don't be hard on me😞

[terrortwinunicorn]

So let me get this straight. We have to sit through a damn mother fuckin' Jelly Roll concert but we can't have Papi in a damn match or even a longer segment than two minutes?!