#sky stop referencing no longer you challenge IMPOSSIBLE

[bigidiotenergytm]

hey.

I see your palace covered in red Faces of men who had long believed you're dead I see your wife with a man who is haunting A man with a trail of bodies

hey so im physically ill that this STILL applies to ody in fmtd au, even after all these years

[prismartist]

Haul Away Jay

Fandom: Just Roll With It (Riptide)

Words: 3175

CW: implied/referenced character death

Relationships: Chip & Jay Ferin & Gillion Tidestrider

Summary: Jay is bored. Very, very bored. So, understandably, she tries to find a way to entertain herself.

She wasn't quite expecting the entertainment to come in the form of a song and dance, or that the other two would be roped into it.

None of them are complaining, though.

A/N: @tokencishetchip idk if you remember but you asked to be tagged for this a little while back !! here's the albatrio having fun with a sea shanty :D

Ao3

– – –

If there was anything that Jay Ferin knew as she leaned on the railing of the Albatross one peaceful day, watching the sun slowly set beyond the horizon, it’s that she was unmistakably, undoubtedly, incredibly, and painfully, bored.

Maybe it was the juxtaposition of the current situation to cursed islands, cursed casinos, or crewmates being dumbasses (well, that wasn't really a curse, but it sure felt like one sometimes), but standing on a boat in the middle of an endless calm sea under an endless calm sky wasn’t the most exciting event in the world.

Jay let out a sigh that floated out onto the indifferent blue water. She heard Gillion shout something from atop the crow’s nest, and Chip shouting back in turn as he walked down from the helm and started lighting the lamps. It was nice to see the two working in harmony.

Old man Earl was nowhere to be seen, probably in the kitchen making dinner and more orange juice. Jay was looking forward to that the most right now. She wasn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

Well, she thought as she redirected her attention back to the ocean, if only they could find the adventure they all hoped for.

Her mind drifted in an attempt to entertain herself, going back to her days in the tavern. She had spent hours there working her butt off for loud, gruff soldiers, laying down in bed afterwards and thinking that her aching bones and five hours of sleep weren’t worth it. Over time she had learned to ignore the exhaustion, but compared to the adrenaline-inducing fights and rewarding victories she experienced now, Jay didn’t miss it.

Suddenly, a melody started to creep into her mind, a tune that she didn’t expect to hear in a long while. While tied to the memory of the tavern, the feeling the song settled in her is calm, comforting even. Jay closed her eyes, allowing herself to listen to it.

Apple sang serenely as she sat on the crow’s nest, and her chirps melded into the melody that Jay now recognized.

It was an old sea shanty, one that Jay often heard from the navy soldiers that frequented the tavern. She recalled memories of drunk men singing joyously, unprofessional in their performance, as if they were celebrating being freed from their ruthless job even for a night. Sometimes though, the way they would sing would come out soft and genuine as they sat in relative sobriety after a hard-fought battle, reflecting as the first few hours of the dawn crept up behind them and the orange rays shone on the mournful men. Jay would look on, almost in awe, unable to believe these were the same people who maimed and killed and imprisoned.

Jay hummed the beginning of the tune to the best of her abilities, and did not notice Chip cast a curious glance at her. She faltered as she lost the words, struggling to remember.

How did it go again���?

Oh. Right.

“Oh maiden, oh maiden, the love to I,” Jay sang softly. “I adore the shimmer, the shimmer, the shine in your eyes.”

She smiled and started to continue, but was cut off suddenly by the sound of Chip’s voice. Her eyes flew open and she turned in his direction, having half a mind to snap at him, but stopped upon realizing what exactly he was saying.

Or, rather, singing.

“It enamours, enamours, thy light to my life.” Chip was as surprised as Jay, eyes wide as he continued easily as if by instinct. His voice was surprisingly smooth and not all that bad. “Thy touch, carries, it carries, my soul to the sky.”

They stared at each other for a few moments, processing what had just happened.

Jay tilted her head, and spoke, “How do you-”

“I-it’s a song, I– the Black Rose Pirates used to sing it all the time.” Chip saw a small flash of a memory, of fireflies fluttering around in hanging terrariums, of voices chanting the same song as Chip joined in. He gestured a bit wildly, as if he was trying to swat away the image. “You?”

“I heard it in the tavern a lot.” Jay chuckled, a little in disbelief. “I guess it’s more popular than I thought.”

Chip vaguely remembered being lifted into the air by a laughing Arlind, teasing him for messing up a line, the golden glow overhead. “I guess so-”

“And my love! I swear in the sun and the rain!” The booming voice of Gillion Tidestrider rang down, causing Chip and Jay to look up and see the Triton slide down the pole, landing with a flourish. He straightened and completed the verse in a perfect baritone. “That someday, our hands will intertwine once again.”

Gillion grinned at the other two’s astonished faces. “That's an oversea song, is it not? My sister taught it to me. I much enjoy it as well.”

Chip turned to Jay. “So definitely more popular than you thought,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jay muttered, feeling a grin grow on her face. “A little different in some places, but yeah.”

She found herself tapping her fingers against the boat to the beat of the shanty and humming the post-verse interlude. Gill and Chip noticed as well, and their eyes trained on her, silently assigning her the role of the shantyman.

Jay tensed up upon noticing. She’s not used to performing, especially in front of an audience (could you call two people an audience?). It’s far from one of her strong suits.

But after a moment of contemplation, she eventually decided that, fuck it, it’s time to sing.

They started this ballad, they might as well finish it.

“Oh damsel, oh damsel, my heart belongs to thee.” Her voice cracked a bit on the high note, which Chip snickered at, but Jay merely shot him a dirty look and continued. “If you are troubled, so troubled, you must only call on me.”

“And though it rages, it rages, the condescending sea,” Chip joined in, his smirk slowly morphing into a genuine smile.

“For you I know my journey will succeed,” he finished, noticing Gillion’s voice join in. Chip glanced at him for a second before letting out a soft chuckle.

Jay started stomping on the boat to get the beat going. To her delight, Chip clapped rhythmically and Gillion followed both their suits. Energized, Jay hummed louder.

“And my love, I swear in the waves and whirlpools,” all three sang together, “Soon we will meet and once again become whole.”

With a laugh, Jay skipped closer to the center of the ship. She spun and gestured, mimicking the dances she had observed at Loffinlot, imagining a band accompanying her as she sang as loud as she could.

La, la la la, la la la, la la la.

Gillion was quick to join her, imitating her dance. His heavy boots threatened to break the wood they danced on, but Jay only cared for the lovely bass beat and snare they happened to offer. She grinned at him approvingly, and Gill grinned back.

Off to the side, Chip hung back, providing the main melody.

“Oh lover, oh lover, don’t you dare cry.” Jay reached out a hand to Gillion, who took it. “But laugh and laugh under the pristine blue sky.” She raised it and lead him in a spin. “And never, oh never, would I ever lie. I wish nothing more than for us to reunite!”

Gillion grabbed Jay by the waist, catching her off-guard, but as he lifted her into the air, she loosened up and cheered, feeling the song come to an end.

When she landed, Jay made a show of dusting herself off before bowing to Gillion. Gill, ever the gentleman, bowed back, and Jay giggled.

She looked over to Chip, leaning against the railing and watching with a rather deflated smile. Jay raised an eyebrow. That didn’t look right.

Absent-mindedly tapping his toes, no longer minding the beat, Chip stewed deep in his thoughts. Seeing his friends dance their hearts out was a nice scenario, don’t get him wrong, but despite the undeniable want to join in the festivities, there was a hesitance that Chip couldn’t quite get over. Maybe it’s the weird ache when he remembered voices that he’d never hear again. Maybe it’s because he didn’t want to interrupt the others’ joy. Who knew. Chip sure didn’t.

And Chip definitely didn’t know why the sight of Jay marching towards him made him panic.

“Hey,” Jay said, and Chip immediately heard the over-friendliness in her voice. “What’re you doing, moping in the corner? You said you and the Black Rose Pirates sang this all the time, right?” She leaned forward and locked eyes with Chip, who tensed up. “So, show us what you got.”

She daintily held out a hand, and with it, a challenge. “Dance with us.”

Chip’s eyes grew impossibly wide as his face flushed. “Oh, nah, nahh, that’s okay, I’m really not a dancer,” he stammered. “And you guys are already done with the song, so I really don’t-”

“Gill.” Jay smirked. “Take the beat.”

“Wha-”

“On it!” Gillion grinned with sharp teeth and began to stomp and clap again. He hummed deeply, the tune once again emanating through the ship.

“Jay,” Chip begged, taking a step back. “I don-”

“Nope, round two, coward!”

“Ja-AAAAY!”

Chip yelped as Jay grabbed his arm and dragged him to the newly appointed dance floor, guiding his kicking and screaming form into one of dance. She took one of Chip’s hands and held it up, putting her other hand on his shoulder. “Your free hand on my waist,” she reminded him, ignoring his confused sputtering. “And one, two, three, go.”

She lead the dance in a sort of wild, messy foxtrot, stretching their clasped hands in the direction they move in, side skipping energetically. Chip stumbled at first, caught off-guard, but he quickly adjusted to her same pace, glancing at the ground to make sure he was keeping up. Seeing his face relax and the corners of his mouth quirk up, Jay smiled at him encouragingly.

“Sing, shantyman, it’s your turn,” she said.

Chip’s expression turned into horror once again, gulping as he scrambled to remember the words in time for the melody.

“O-oh maiden, oh maiden, the love to I,” sang Chip.

“I adore the shimmer, the shimmer, the shine in thy eyes,” he and Jay sang together.

“It enamours, enamours, thy light to my li-IIFE, JAY!” Chip screamed as Jay gave him a spin, laughing at his surprised shriek. “Jay, don’t just spin me without warning!”

“You’re being sloppy, shantyman,” Jay teased. “Keep up with the song.”

Chip glared, but continued nonetheless, “And my love, I swear in the sun and the rain.”

Jay gave him another spin, but this time, Chip didn't miss a beat. He gave Jay a smug, triumphant look. Jay raised an eyebrow in turn, admittedly impressed.

“That someday, our hands will intertwine once again!”

“Alright, nice,” Jay complimented, grinning widely.

Chip caught a mischievous glint in her eye, and his face consequently fell.

“One more spin, pretty boy!”

Before he could protest, Jay suddenly spun Chip away with a greater force than before, and the world around him became a blur, the air swirling with the sound of Jay’s devilish voice.

“Gillion,” he heard her yell, “catch!”

And Chip is spun into the arms of Gillion, who beamed at Chip’s very red face.

“Come, Chip.” Gill took both of Chip’s hands. Chip, still trying to recover from the jarring switch of partners, only blinked down at their now clasped fingers. “It is our turn.”

“Oh my god.” Chip laughed nervously.

Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp.

“Oh damsel, oh damsel, my heart belongs to thee,” Jay belted as Chip and Gillion figured out their dance. “If you’re troubled, oh so troubled, you must only call on me.”

The other two started to push and pull in tandem, reminiscent of a cha-cha with a bit more energy and spins thrown in every once in a while. They surprisingly guided each other with more harmony and grace than Jay expected.

“And though it rages, it rages, the condescending sea.” Gillion leapt and circled with Chip, almost lifting the latter off the ground. “Just for thou I know that my journey shall succeed!”

“Gill, calm down!” Chip chuckled, partly in amusement and partly in fear, as he started to lose his footing.

Jay looked on, not ignorant to the warm fuzzy feeling in her chest, the beat pulsing along with the adrenaline in her veins.

“And my love, I swear in the waves and whirlpools, soon we will meet and once again become whole.”

Soon she joined them, whooping as she jogged, and they welcomed her with wide smiles, one pair of hands separating to reach out. Jay took the offer to form an interconnected circle, spinning and bobbing as they shared the melody. They sang, as loud as they could, filling the air with a joyful energy.

“Oh lover, oh lover, don’t you dare cry,” Chip started.

The others joined in. “But laugh and laugh under the pristine blue sky.”

And laugh they did, the pure euphoria of indulging in fond memories emitting from them. They stumbled and laughed through mistakes, put their all into the performance, harmonising wonderfully.

Jay caught Pretzel doing somersaults in her globe and Apple circling the crew, chirping the tune with them. She’s reminded of a joking conversation about starting a band. Perhaps they had a chance after all, she thought amusedly. Gillion and the Tidestriders. Chip and the Bastards. Jay and the Dumbass Bluebirds. Whatever you wanted to call it.

Now, though, they were simply three friends, holding hands and dancing, rattling the wood of the ship without a care, singing a sea shanty that they all happened to know.

The stars slowly flooded the darkening sky and twinkled at them like they were dancing along.

To one, the fresh air, the touch of familiar calloused hands that had fought alongside her, and the spray of the ocean was a welcoming contrast to past memories of stuffy spaces and dispassionate work. To another, though the memory was a bit painful, it still brought him the same comforting feeling from years ago, sharing laughter and celebration in a tight kinship that was expected in that of crewmates, deepening the bond with experiences that were not just in battle, but in recreation. And to another still, it was a reminder of a time when he was desperate to learn the oversea culture, and that he still remained ever so curious now as he learned its differences and similarities to his world, forming relationships with its inhabitants, people who were perhaps not as cruel as the elders had suggested.

Those who share such joyous experiences with others must not be that selfish, after all.

“And never, oh never, would I ever lie. I wish nothing more than for us to re-u-nite!”

Jay grinned up at the sky as they hummed the outro melody, a gust of wind sweeping down on them and carrying their voices away, out onto the shimmering waters.

La, la la la, la la la, la la la…

A tug from Jay led the trio up in one final leap, whooping and cheering with the others as they followed. And once their feet landed simultaneously with a bang, the song ended.

As the rush receded from her mind, the pumping blood in her ears quieting down, Jay took in the sound of the waves crashing up against the ship and her heaving breaths. She looked up at the now star-filled sky, wondering when it got so dark. She allowed her hand to slip from her friends’ grasps, moving to lean on bended knee. Jay heard the other two breathing quite heavily as well, and even a plop as Chip seemed to collapse out of the corner of her eye. She followed suit, sprawling onto the wood and closing her eyes, catching her breath. Jay wasn’t extremely tired, but she needed to recuperate.

“Oh god, you kids just had to make a racket up here, didn’t ya?”

Jay breathed out a chuckle upon hearing the raspy voice. “Hi Earl.”

“We were partying, Old man Earl!” Gillion said preppily, unsurprisingly not as out of breath as the others.

“Earl, you got…” A huff from Chip. “You got orange juice? Perhaps? Please?”

“Hmph, you’re fuckin lucky I do.”

Tired cheers chimed from the pirates.

“But you have to go down to get it with dinner. Chop chop.”

“Ohh, come onnnnn,” Chip whined, joining in with the groans of Jay.

“I’ve seen you work, you’re not that tired,” Earl scoffed. “Maybe you shouldn’t have wasted all your energy on destroying the ship! And your vocal chords.”

“Hey, I don’t think we sounded that bad,” Jay said.

“Whatever, just come down and have dinner, I’m definitely not hefting everything up here.” Earl barked out a laugh and proceeded to go back down, ignoring the cries of Jay and Chip.

Soon Gillion’s face popped into Jay’s view. “Are you alright, Jay?” He glanced over. “Chip?”

“I’m coming around,” Jay assured. She stretched her arms up, making grabby hands. “Pull me up?”

Gillion complied, grabbing her arms and lifting her, though at a faster-than-preferred pace. Jay let out a yelp as she got back on her feet before stretching with a groan.

“Thanks, Gill.”

“Hey Giiiilll? Big man? Can I go next?”

Jay looked to Chip, who also had outstretched arms. Gillion walked to him and helped him up as well.

“Thanks, buddy.” Chip patted Gill on the back.

“No problem. Honestly, I did not think you would tire out so easily.”

“Well we need to gain back our energy, then,” Jay said, starting to follow Old man Earl.

“Hey, uh, Jay, um.” Chip caught her attention, and she turned back to see him with a raised hand. He moved it to scratch the back of his neck sheepishly. “That was… that was fun.”

“I agree,” Gillion said with a nod. “I was reminded of some… rather fond memories, actually. And it was a good exercise. We should do it more.”

“Yeah, yeah actually, same. I agree.” Chip looked up at Jay, his face rather tentative. “So, thanks for that, I guess.”

Jay smiled. “You’re welcome, dweeb,” she jabbed. “You’re being more affectionate than usual, but I appreciate it.”

“Hey, don’t call me a dweeb!” Chip’s expression morphed into one of offense. “I just thanked you, that’s so insensitive of you. That’s actually insensitive.”

“I let you fulfill your showman dreams, you’re the one being insensitive right now.”

“Showman- hey, I actually like the sound of that.”

“Yeah you would, you drama queen.”

“You’re calling me dramatic? Have you seen Gill?”

The sound of bickering paired with Gillion’s oblivious chimes trailed below the deck, leaving a fond memory to the glittering dark waters and the twinkling stars still dancing along.

[geminiamethyst]

Possession. Chapter 9 (FINAL CHAPTER)

FINALLY! AFTER ALMOST A FULL YEAR, I have finally reached the end of Possession. Sorry it took so long to get to the end of, I just didn’t originally plan for it to be this long. But, you know what? I’m glad it did anyway.

Okay, because this is the final chapter, I can not stress enough to tell you guys to skip this chapter and read the previous chapters using the links below if you have not done so already. If you don’t, trust me, you will regret it.

I’d also like to say a final big thank you to Schusseltier, avril-circus and laambart for allowing me to write this story as they are the ones that came up with the original comic strips that inspired me to write this. Please give them all your love as they are amazing artists.

Enjoy the chapter.

The road to recovery was easy enough physically for Snufkin. All the bruises had cleared up and his body no longer felt like fragile glass that threatened to break at every move he made. However, it was mentally that was the challenge. For a whole week straight, he woke up in the night screaming from the nightmarish memories of when he was possessed that plagued him. Joxter was by his side at every scream he made and comforted him back to sleep, but it did nothing to help sooth his mind from going haywire. Though it was only for a week that the nightmares had gone on for, to Snufkin it felt like months. He hated feeling trapped like that. The spirit was gone, he knew that. But he had suffered so much when he was a prisoner in his head. He would look over his shoulder at every noise behind him when he walked and if someone had snuck up behind him without saying something, he would either flinch badly or scream in a panic when they place a hand on his shoulder. It had gotten terribly bad when Stinky (who in no time at all learned about what had happened somehow) played a nasty prank on him when he was in the forest getting some supplies for his winter wandering. He had frightened him by using a horn to project his voice around the area, making it impossible for Snufkin to pinpoint where it had come from. If that didn’t freak him enough, Stinky had then screamed down his ear so suddenly that it almost gave the poor traveller a heart attack, literally. It was so bad that Snufkin was curled up like a frightened child and wasn’t willing to move until Moomin, Joxter and Little My found him.

He was that scared of being possessed again.

Madame Portia had been doing everything she could to help him through the healing. She had been making him come up to Moominhouse daily to make sure that he was fine. Results were the same with physically, with the mental recovery becoming slightly better each passing day. She feared that the encounter with Stinky’s bullying would have set him back terribly but he surprised her greatly the day after the incident.

“He truly is you brother, isn’t he?” The medium had teased a bit at Little My that day, further commenting that Snufkin was stronger than he looked.

“You should never doubt my family!” Little My only smirked, earning a smile from Snufkin. Ever since that night, even after all the secrets that were kept, Snufkin felt like he was closer than he ever was with his family since he was reunited with them. It made him all the more determined to see his mother during his Winter wandering with Joxter.

Madame Portia had left a week after that, feeling the need to leave the valley before Winter and help another household with a spirit problem. The family said their goodbyes to her, with Moominmamma giving her some Jasmine tea to have on her travels. Madame Portia too had left some gifts with the family. She gifted the Moomin family a talisman to hang up on a wall to help protect the household from evil spirits and a beaded bracelet made out of turquoise for Snufkin with the same purpose. Despite Little My teasing him a little, Snufkin gratefully slipped the spiritual jewellery on, again fearing for him being possessed again. Feeling that she had done enough for the family, Madame Portia left, promising the family that if they ever meet again, she’ll only bring good fortune upon the family.

Sadly as the time went, Winter had finally creeped in. It felt like it had come quicker than it should have. The frost remained permanent on the ground, making the once lush, soft, green grass dry up and become nothing more than had brown coloured stems. Flowers wittered and died, driving off all the insects that had decorated them in the Spring and Summer. The trees were striped completely of their leafs, making them look like nothing more than tall, menacing figures, especially in the dark of the long nights. Clouds covered the sky, blocking the sun and the beautiful blue that was the sky. The air constantly looked like it was damp and it was also bitter, the wind becoming harsh and icy. No matter where you stepped in Moominvalley, it felt like the Groke was standing right next to you, or it felt like you were looking into the eyes of the Lady of The Cold.

Everywhere you looked in Moominvalley, it seemed like Summer was no more than a distant memory.

Snufkin sat on the handrail of the the bridge, just like he had started doing, waiting for Moomin to come out to say goodbye (A/N For those that don’t know, I’m referencing back to episode 85 of the 90’s series). His camp was packed up, leaving behind nothing more than a rectangle of flattened and worn out grass. A circle where he would have his campfire stayed, blackened permanently on the ground. His things were packed into the knapsack that was beside him. The only difference was that Joxter was standing by, waiting to go. He blew out a puff of smoke from his old pipe. He looked up at the clouded sky, noticing that the smoke blended well with the grey that blanketed the sky. He impatiently tapped his foot, knowing full well that it’ll start snowing any second. As much as he didn’t mind waiting, he’d rather get going before the snow gets too deep to walk through. His prayers were answered when he heard the sound of running feet coming towards the bridge. Snufkin stopped playing his harmonica, hearing Moomin approaching as well. He looked towards the young troll, feeling a smile spread across his face. Moomin stopped on the bridge, catching his breath from the running. He glanced at Snufkin’s knapsack, noting how full it looked despite Snufkin not owning very much. His heart sank a little, remembering that he wouldn’t see Snufkin until he awoke from hibernation and Spring had once again returned, bringing the valley back to life.

“Time to leave?” Moomin asked, feeling a little stupid as he already knew the answer.

“Yes. Everything is just going as they should now that some things are back to normal.” Snufkin smiled sadly, hopping off of the handrail. He slipped his harmonica in his pocket before looking a little sadly at Moomin. “Just remember that I’m going to be a little late coming back.” Moomin’s ears drooped a little and his tail became limp. With everything that had happened, he had completely forgotten what Snufkin had told him on Halloween.

“You’ll be seeing your mother though. Like I said, it’ll be worth the wait for you coming back. I hope everything goes well with meeting your mother.” He smiled a little, trying to make himself feel better. Snufkin only smiled at him a little, trying to reassure him that everything will be alright. He grabbed his knapsack and slipped the burden on his back. Moomin could do nothing more than watch sadly at this sight. He hated this time of year to say the least. He hated to see Snufkin leave for the Winter, knowing that he would never see him until Spring. It eased him a little as he reminded himself that he would be hibernating during that time. However, it still felt heavy on him. To him, it was not fair. But he knew that it would be unfair to Snufkin to force him to stay. Snufkin, after all, was a vagabond, a free spirit. It would be cruel to chain him to one place. He knew that it would be better to let Snufkin go, but it still didn’t stop him from being sad.

“HOLD IT!”

Snufkin, Moomin and Joxter turned to see Little My running towards them from Moominhouse. With the speed she was running at, you’d think the Groke was chasing her. The trio caught sight that she was carrying something in her hand, but her arms were going so fast that all they could make was a blurry white object. She skidded to a very sudden holt on the bridge, almost slipping on the frost that had remained on the bridge.

“You weren’t going to leave without saying goodbye to your sister, were you?” She shouted after catching her breath.

“Sorry My, but usually you don’t do that. I thought you were asleep already.” Snufkin said as he knelt down to her.

“Yeah, well, I’m only doing this once! So don’t expect me to do it all the time.” Little My smirked, hands on her hips. She suddenly looked at what she was holding. “Do me a favour will you?”

“Of course.” Snufkin said before the small girl thrusted an envelope into his hands.

“Give this to Mother for me. I owe her a letter.” She said, her face softening a little, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. “And.....be careful out there, okay?” Snufkin smiled. He surprised her by pulling her into a hug as a thank you. At first, the older sibling was stunned, but patted his back a little. “Yeah, yeah. Just get outta here before I get too soft. And you!” Joxter jumped a little as Little My pointed at him after Snufkin let him go. Little My’s features turned serious but meaningful. “You had better take good care of my brother. If something happens to him I will personally hunt you down myself!”

“Of course.” Grinned Joxter in amusement, his pipe held between his teeth. It faded as soon as something small, soft and white made its way to the top of his nose. Everyone looked up at the sky. Snowflakes had finally started to fall, twirling and spinning gracefully to the valley, almost like a ballet dancer performing on stage. At first, they fell thinly, only one snowflake coming down once every second, before they multiplied. The snowfall had started to become so dense that Joxter started to worry that he and Snufkin might have to wade through ankle deep snow before they could leave the valley. As Snufkin placed the letter delicately in his knapsack, his father placed a hand on his shoulder, telling him that it was time to go. Snufkin stood up and slipped his burden back on his back.

“So long, my friend. And I promise that I’ll be back before Spring is over.” He smiled sadly, extending a hand out for Moomin to shake. Instead of shaking it in his paw however, the young troll pulled the traveller into a heartfelt hug. He wrapped his arms a little awkwardly around the knapsack, but he still held a little tight. Snufkin stood a little shocked at this sudden interaction.

“Come back safe.” Moomin whispered, his voice a little hoarse as if he was going to cry. Snufkin blinked, then brought his arms around his best friend, giving him a reassuring hug. It felt warm despite the cold chill in the air.

“I promise.” He whispered into Moomin’s ear before the best friends released each other. It felt empty now that they had let go. Became colder all of a sudden. Little My climbed up onto Moomin until she stood on his shoulder, holding one arm around his head to keep her balance. Moomin, unfazed by this, watched with envy as his best friend and Joxter walked away, leaving shallow footprints in the thin layer of snow that had already started falling. They slowly became nothing more than two green dots. Moomin promptly wiped a tear that had trailed down his cheek.

“GOOD LUCK, SNUFKIN!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. He wasn’t sure if it was the snow making him think it or not, but for a few seconds, he believed that he had seen Snufkin stop, turn and wave back at those he called family. Moomin and Little My waved back. They continued until Snufkin and Joxter disappeared for good. Now Winter has officially come to Moominvalley.

And Moomin couldn’t wait until next year, when Moominvalley is blessed by the return of Spring.

And Snufkin to come back with it.

The End.

That’s it everyone. Final chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Sorry if it feels anticlimactic, but I don’t care. I don’t know where to go next, but I’m sure I’ll figure something out. If you guys want me to do a short story where Snufkin meets his mother or something like that, feel free to let me know.

In the meantime, have a nice day.

Here are the rest of the chapters, for those that are late to the party.

Chapter 1: click HERE

Chapter 2: click HERE

Chapter 3: click HERE

Chapter 4: click HERE

Chapter 5: click HERE

Chapter 6: click HERE

Chapter 7: click HERE

Chapter 8: click HERE

Links to the original artists:

Schusseltier: click HERE

avril-circus: click HERE

laambart: click HERE

[johnkorosi]

Nothingness and a whole lot of empty ... (ALL OF THIS FILTH)

                                                                                    (Creative Process)

For this music assignment, I decided to choose the fourth option … I believe this choice allowed me to exercise all the things I have learnt over the semester successfully, whilst giving me the creative freedom to execute my ideas in a passionate way.

The concept came into being when I decided that I wanted to meld my love of philosophical literature with my love of music. Throughout COVID-19, existential crises have become quite common I feel … and after reading Nausea by Jean Paul Sartre and being absolutely enthralled by his existential ideas, I thought that I would take a crack at trying to capture the bleak feeling of ‘nothingness,’ that is so prevalent throughout the novel. 

At many points in my life, I have undergone a complete loss of reason and meaning in the everyday, and witnessed things that once seemed so complete and normal in form, vanish into nothing but anamorphic objects. I wanted my listener to realise how superfluous and gratuitous their existence can seem, but to also realise that there is so much freedom in their own interpretation of the universe around them. We are all ‘set free to find a new illusion,’ as Lou Reed puts it in I’m Set Free (quite a philosophical number by The Velvet Underground that you have to check out if you haven’t).

So in this piece, I attempted to encapsulate the Cartesian atmosphere, the intricate prose, the anxious voice and some of the compelling ideas and transform them into something musical. I used a standard song form with verses and choruses, but challenged myself by using electronic instruments. This process was different from my regular, as I usually write more for the folk and rock genre. For easy referencing and to be specific, I chose a particular passage from the book to write the lyrics and achieve the vibe.

INTRO

I began composing this piece on an old blue piano that I found in the share house I just moved into. The piano’s subtle complexities put me in a trance and allowed me to freely improvise a few different chord progressions. I didn’t even start with a key or by using any musical theory methods; I just played what I felt was right at the time. In retrospect, I was using dissonance at the core of my ideas, by playing a C major chord on a lower register and a B minor chord on the octave above. This gave the song a distinctive Lydian sound (a mode I’ve always been drawn to for a subconscious reason unknown to me). After I found the idea, I moved it to Logic Pro X and put the progression in using my midi keyboard.

I then edited the sound using the EXS24 setting; I did this by tweaking the envelope, cutoff, resonance and the first LFO to achieve a compelling synth sound.

Now that I had a rhythm part for my intro, I needed a catchy main riff that would repeat throughout the song and serve as a link between sections … something odd, pensive and slightly dissonant to represent the chaotic nature of existentialism and nihilism. I began with a piano sound and wrote the melody over the chords. At that moment I had been listening to a lot of repetitive music that had the same chord progressions occur over and over again; but  captivated their listeners eardrums by using unusual third dimensional tone colours and Layer Cake Orchestration. Some of these tunes included I Am The Changer By Cotton Jones or The Magician by Andy Shauf; where the listener is pulled in not by the repetition itself, but by the trance inside the repetition. This evolves from a distant ambience that reflects the blackness of space …

I made the melody slightly repetitive, but used a variety of colours and instruments to make it interesting. I accomplished this by importing the previous piano sound from my cataplexy assignment (as I was satisfied with how that had turned out), and then layered it with a mellotron boy’s choir and cello to form a ‘super-instrument.’ I modified all of these by once again altering the envelope, EQ and LFO settings. I added a drone with a synth, samples of the wind (which I automated the pitch of) and a record player to create more complexity within the space. It would have been preferable to have a string section with a lot of staccato moments, but unfortunately I did not have the time or the players. If I were to work on this some more, this would be an option.

Now it was missing two core ingredients, bass and drums. I started building the drums using the Liverpool drum kit on Logic and then took to the keyboard to write the part. When I listened to Andy Shauf’s Magician, I really liked the simplicity of the four-to-floor beat. It showed me how much attention a beat can give to a melody. So I made my beat very simple and added an 808 snare to the snare hits, for some extra lustre. I EQ’d the drums and compressed them, until they were up to my standard … 

With the bass, I simply followed the bass drum hits, so they were glued to the beat. In regards to tone, I chose a bass from the string category in Logic and altered its EQ by putting on a low pass filter. After being told by my teacher to reduce the bass frequencies and make them clash less, I also brought down the volume and the low frequencies by one decibel.

The rhythm synth that plays the chords in the lead up to the main riff needed a strong crescendo to accompany it (so it could build tension for the moment it came in). To do this I added some strings and played around with the EQ to make them sound less like midi strings. Then I increased the attack on the envelope, so the sound would automatically build. I doubled these tracks and panned them to both sides. As they grew in volume, I automated the panning on both sides to come into the centre.

VERSE 1, 2 & 3

Next I had to think about the vocal melody for the verse chords, so I played through the chord progression and improvised some melodies until I found something that worked. The lyrics spawned relatively easy out of this. I went through the passage and used words and phrases that caught my attention and based the lyrics around these. Some lines that shaped the song were...

 “I got up and went out of the park. Once at the gate, I turned around. Then the garden smiled at me. I leaned against and watched for a long time. The smile of the trees, the clump of laurel meant something: that was the real secret of existence.”

“Time had stopped: a small black pool at my feet; it was impossible for something to come after this moment.”

“Everything is gratuitous, this park, this city, and myself. When you realise this, your heart turns over and everything begins to float....”

and this biggy ...

“Had I dreamed this enormous presence? It was there, deposited on the garden, tumbling down in the trees, all soft, sticky, soiling everything, all thick, a jelly. And I, was I inside, with the garden? I was frightened, furious, I thought it was so stupid, so out of place. I hated this ignoble messiness. Piling up to the sky, spilling over, filling everything with its gelatinous slither, and I could see depths upon depths of it reaching far beyond the limits of the garden, the houses, and Bouville, as far as the eye could reach. I was no longer in Bouville; I was nowhere, I was floating. I was not surprised, I knew it was the World, the naked World revealing itself all at once, and I choked with rage at this gross absurd being. You couldn't even ask where all this came from, or how it was that a world existed, rather than nothingness. It didn't have any meaning, the world was present everywhere, before, behind. There had been nothing before it. Nothing. There had never been a moment in which it could not have existed. That was what bothered me; of course there was no reason for its existing, this flowing larva. But it was not possible for it not to exist. It was unthinkable: to imagine nothingness you had to be there already, in the midst of the World, eyes wide open and alive; nothingness was only an idea in my head, an existing idea floating in this immensity; this nothingness had not come before existence, it was an existence like any other and appeared after many others. I shouted, What filth, what filth! And I shook myself to get rid of this sticky filth, but it held and there was so much, tons and tons of existence, endless. I suffocated at the bottom of this immense weariness. And then, all at once, the park emptied as through a great hole. The world disappeared as it had come, or else I woke up — anyway I saw no more of it; nothing was left but the yellow earth around me, out of which dead branches rose upward.”

Throughout the semester, I have been experimenting a lot with my vocals by using doubling, panning and auto tune. So I recorded a vocal track, doubled it, panned one to the left and one to the right and auto-tuned the one on the left, so that there would be a tension between the auto-tuned and the natural track. Then I added harmonies where I felt the melody needed it and doubled and panned these as well. The auto tune I used is displayed below …

I used a moderate amount of compression and EQ on all the vocals, which can be seen on my plug-in strip. I also bussed all the vocals to an auxiliary channel with EQ and compression so they sounded more together 

Here are my plug-ins along with the Eq and compression settings...

Throughout the three verses, I introduced a mellotron string and flute part to avoid repetition and made it call and respond to the vocals from the second verse. For this section, I looked to Bowie’s Quicksand, using Mick Ronson’s wreathing string parts as inspiration. I love how the ascending runs can really send the song into another dimension. I then put more harmonies in as the part progressed. After this, the song grows into the chorus…

Chorus 1

I needed a key change for the chorus, so I went back to my piano sound and dropped the key down a tone (Stevie Wonder style). ‘All of this filth,’ derived from one of the lines I had read in the passage. Once I had the vocal melody down I needed a countermelody, so I designed one on the mellotron string and flute part. I also introduced a new synth and automated the cut-off (using retro synth on Logic), so the sound would grow in the vocal breaks, acting as an antiphony to the vocals. 

With the drums, I changed the high hats to the ride cymbal to create more space. I added fills where apt and a conga loop from Logic’s library for more oomph. In the build up to the link, the piece changes key again and after the lines ... ‘the moments we have,’ I paired a reverse gong with the original string rising part to build it more. I also automated the pitch of the gong, so it rose with the strings. With the vocals I had to automate the key of the pitch shifter in order to align the vocals to the right key.

Link 1

For the link (the main riff), I needed it to be slightly different to when the melody first appeared at the beginning. So I added some mellotron brass, playing intervals in a drone-like way and once again modified the sound. I also made it half the length, so it would flow better into the second verse.

Verse 4 & 5

To create variety in these sections, I wrote new lyrics and I added some harmonies to the call and responses on the strings. I also added an ultrabeat sample from logic, to enrich the beat and a new high hat rhythm doing quavers to fasten the pace. Here is a picture of the ultrabeat synth I used.

Chorus 2

For the second chorus I wanted more layers and climax, so I harmonised the vocals and made the mellotron parts more ... well ... climactic. I accomplished this by making the melodies higher and building triads out of them in the second half. I automated the volume on the build at the end to make it sound bigger than the first too.

Link 3

This is the same length as the first main riff. But is bigger in sound, because of the layering …

Instrumental

The instrumental is the same as the chorus without vocals, and has the same mellotron part. I chose to use the same part, as I wanted the attention on the mellotron part this time, instead of the vocal. The only difference was that I automated the mellotron’s EQ, bringing out higher frequencies and lower frequencies to contribute to the psychedelic feel.

Outro

The song ends with the main riff playing twice. Except the second time the layers strip back revealing the sound of the riff without drums, which I thought was an effective contrast.

Here is my piece with all the tracks and automation shown ... I mixed the levels as I went to get a consistent mix and mastered in a separate project (adjusting the levels with EQ, compression to get it tighter and a limiter and an exciter for more colour).

My mastering channel strip...

Overall I was happy with how my piece turned out, although I would love to see it done with a real kit and string section, as I think this would definitely make it more impactful. I hope this piece challenges people to find meaning within nothing ... and on that note ...

By John Korosi aka Jordan Kenny

[dandanparadise]

Spring Will Come [EXPLICIT]

Writer: xingmisoo - Admin [AO3 | AFF | Wattpad]

Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O./Oh Sehun, Byun Baekhyun/Kim Junmyeon  Suho

Warnings: Pining, Minor Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Not Beta Read, Age Difference, Alternate Universe

Summary: It tells more than just attraction, it's romance between friends, between family, and friends like family. - One thing for sure is that spring will come, the sky is almost blue, the trees are almost budding and the sun almost bright.

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -Victor Hugo

Saying the bell jingled overhead as he walked in is so mainstream. Thus, Kyungsoo’s entrance got unnoticed by his two sickly in loved friends. He probably should try harder to get used to them sending heart eyes at each other when they’re not after each other’s throats outside sexual scenes. ‘Stop it, Kyungsoo.’

“Sorry for interrupting. May I take your order?” The man with soft carbon black hair whipped his head, his mouth never stopped running. “Oh, sorry. We already- Kyungsoo!” Said man mockingly replied, “Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun’s face shone impossibly brighter as he watched his friend calmly took off his jacket before slipping into the bench in front of him. Kyungsoo couldn’t say the same for the loverboy whose face dropped a little. ‘It’s just your eyes acting up,’ he brushed it off. ‘They’re your friends.’

“So… why am I summoned? We just met less than twenty-four hours ago.” Kyungsoo reverted his gaze to his friends from the waiter, schooling his expression as not to look offended by the way Junmyeon seemed fidgety.

The three of them went completely silent which was then broken by Baekhyun obnoxiously sipping on his black tea.

“How’re you doing?” Junmyeon immediately regretted opening his mouth, his face scrunched as if his life just flashed right in front of his eyes in a millisecond. But Kyungsoo still had his bushy brows raised sceptically. Baekhyun sensing the red flag waving in the distance cleared his throat. He placed one hand on his boyfriend’s thigh, squeezing to hopefully calm his alight nerves.

A few months ago they were the closest of friends where Baekhyun would squeeze Junmyeon’s thigh just to spite him and ended up with Kyungsoo having to separate them. But that was another story to tell. Now it seemed like the thread tying them together was pulled taut and at the verge of snapping. Like, really close. Like standing on a cliff and pebbles started falling into the crashing wave a few feet below.

Kyungsoo habitually raised his hand and scratched his brow. He did that when it feels suffocating. Like now. “I have a flight to catch so be quick.” Baekhyun cleared his throat again but it was Junmyeon who opened his mouth first. “It has been years since, Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo looked up, meeting with the honey-haired man dead in the eye. He didn’t have to convey it verbally. They were having this conversation again.

“Is this about last night?” He remembered about going out for one drink and maybe along the way getting horribly wasted. Which explained he why crawled off a couch at dawn and flagging a cab with pounding head and cloudy vision. At least that was what he remembered from last night.

“Look. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you guys next time.” He nodded at the waiter and smiled out of courtesy as he shakily placed the coffee cup in front of him. He left the table hastily when the blush on his face bloomed redder. “I just got a little drunk that’s all. Would you rather see me locked outside my own apartment? Or in the morning news?”

Baekhyun heaved a sigh, “I don’t mind you coming to our place.” Kyungsoo didn’t miss the way Junmyeon gave him a side glance but for the sake of himself, he decided to ignore it. “We don’t but-” He also didn’t miss the subtle nudge when Junmyeon started opening his mouth. “I didn’t wear my glasses but I’m not blind.” The three of them became more noticeably stifled after Kyungsoo replied. Their eyes everywhere but on each other.

“You know I care for you but,” Junmyeon paused, waiting for the man across him to react. Seeing none, he continued, “don’t you think you’re becoming a-” He was cut off again, this time the displeasure prominent on Kyungsoo’s masculine features. “A what? A lot like him? Thanks, really need that validation.” At that point, even Baekhyun sported a grimace, a complete contrast on his friendly appearance earlier. “We didn’t say that. You know we don’t think that way.”

Avoiding further confrontation, Junmyeon butted in, knowing very well he better be quick or this conversation wouldn’t go anywhere. Just like all they ever had in the past. “A nuisance. That’s what you’re becoming. Are you satisfied now?” Obviously, he wasn’t. He didn’t have to confirm verbally he wasn’t the least satisfied. “Oh, well. Seems like I have to apologise again. This time for being a nuisance. And since now you have made it obvious for me, I’d like to excuse myself. I have a flight to catch.”

Baekhyun cursed under his breath when Kyungsoo got up from his seat. “Jesus, Kyungsoo. Would you listen to us first for once?” His voice was hardened at the edge but his gaze was soft as he stared at his friend. “ Please.” He added.

“I don’t need anyone else.”

Ψ

Junmyeon made sure he arrived at the airport exactly half an hour before the scheduled touchdown of the aeroplane Kyungsoo was flying in. He had everything planned to the T after he managed to talk Baekhyun into coaxing Kyungsoo to reveal his ‘vacation’ detail. He knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t say a word to him though they know each other longer.

He was rushing to get to the arrival hall even when the gleaming watch on his wrist showed he still had around seventeen minutes left. Even so, there was no regret of having to spend his time waiting.

Kyungsoo was contemplating to turn around once he spotted the familiarly styled honey hair not so far from him. But he decided against it when the man raised his head and waved enthusiastically his way, his face literally beaming when the sunray hit his raised cheeks.

He silently welcomed the hug Junmyeon pulled him into, basking in the warmth radiating from his close friend even when he knew exactly why Junmyeon decided to pick him up today. He didn’t have the energy to decline any more. Or more so he didn’t have the heart to do so.

“Okay, you can let go.” He playfully pushed Junmyeon away before walking away, the latter running jogging lightly to catch up with him. “Let’s go home, I’m a little tired. I need to rest for a bit.” Hopefully, it worked.

Ψ

It didn’t.

“This is not my apartment complex,” Kyungsoo mumbled groggily, pulling his glasses off to rub the sleep away from his eyes. He immediately passed out as soon as the car started moving back into the city. “We don’t have to. You look great already. Perfect in fact. Now get out, I’ll take your bag home.” Junmyeon turned to the back seat of his sedan, grabbing the black trench coat thrown exactly in the middle.

The dazed man sent an incredulous look his way. “I’m not leaving until you get inside.” Kyungsoo turned in his seat, looking even more like he just got knocked for six. “A gay bar. A fucking gay bar? When the sun is not even down yet?” This time it was Junmyeon’s turn to swing around in his seat, looking rather cavalier about the sky outside. “Well, it’s almost sunset.”

“We can stay here all day if you want.” Junmyeon challenged. Kyungsoo readily accepted, judging on how he got off the car and started walking to the opposite direction of the bar’s entrance. The former who was left dumbfounded in the car immediately collected himself and ran after Kyungsoo. It was also too mainstream to catch his forearm so Junmyeon sped up his steps and stopped right in front of Kyungsoo. He thrust both arms outward to block the latter’s way.

“Kyungsoo, hey, Kyungsoo! Come on.” He was panting as Kyungsoo still tried to find a way to get past him. “One last time. I promise.” He cautiously raised a pinky when Kyungsoo finally halted all movements. “Please. You can hold my words this time.” Kyungsoo raised one of his thick eyebrows cynically. Junmyeon nodded enthusiastically in assurance. Only then Kyungsoo raised his hand and linked their pinkies before sealing it with their thumbs.

Junmyeon threw his arms on his friend’s shoulder, leading him to the bar behind them. A victorious smile cracking his face.

“You have to promise me one more thing though.” Kyungsoo stopped them again when they were getting closer to the storm door. The last time he went there when there, there were champagne and firework stickers on the glass panel of the door. “Call me hyung for a month.” The face Junmyeon made was probably too much but he definitely felt scandalised. He agreed begrudgingly on the term as they walked into the bar that was buzzing with chit-chats and laughter from all sides.

“That table.” He pointed to a table far back by the wall. Kyungsoo grimaced when he noticed that all four of them looked way younger than him. And did he mention four? He turned to complain at Junmyeon when he cut him off, “he’s not here yet but you’ll definitely know it’s him.”

After a few more attempts of bailing, Kyungsoo finally bid goodbye to his impromptu chauffeur.

He made his way to the table of young adults with tired yet bright faces. If they were surprised, to say the least, they did not even try to hide it from marring their features. Kyungsoo cleared his throat to break the awkward silence that suddenly overturned the table. “Oh, you must be Kyungsoo. We just got here too.” The one on the far end raised his hand and smiled which Kyungsoo reciprocated half-heartedly. ‘Way to not be an asshole.’

Kyungsoo cleared his throat again as he slipped into a seat, bowing his head politely when the man beside him passed a drink to him. “Thanks,” he muttered. Kyungsoo smiled as best as he could in the awkward situation when the group introduced themselves one by one. They did not seem to be bothered the least by Kyungsoo’s late arrival seeing how quick they went back to talking among themselves. Realising he was stuck there for the next hour or less for the sake of Junmyeon, Kyungsoo quietly began taking a small sip from the glass of orange juice in front of him.

The noise around him slowly faded he did not even notice the four men started gathering their things and were getting up from their seats. “... like Sehun is not going to come again.” Kyungsoo barely caught what the man was saying. He was staring at him, going through his head trying to find the correct name. Is it Chanryeol? Chanyul? Chanyeol? That sounded more like it.

So his supposed partner bailed on him? ‘There went my one hour.’ He averted his gaze to the group of young men after checking the time on his watch.

“We’re going to the karaoke box. Are you…” The Chanyeol guy quirked his brows instead of finishing his question. Kyungsoo still caught the meaning. “Nah, I’m fine. I’ll stay for a couple more drinks.” Chanyeol nodded knowingly at Kyungsoo before excusing themselves. “Then, we’ll get going now.” Kyungsoo just sent them away with his eyes.

It was not long after Chanyeol and the group left when Kyungsoo finally downed the remaining of the drink. He did not order for another, instead slowly took a wipe from his coat and started wiping the table. After making sure everything was in his pocket, he rose from the seat and grabbed for the coat slung behind on the back of the chair.

“Fuh, goodness. That was close.”

Kyungsoo whipped his head around as soon as he heard someone stopped within his proximity. He stared, bewildered at the man trying to stifle his chuckles. His was bowing and his hands on his knees, a clear indication he was catching his breath. But at the same time, his shoulders were shaking, indicating his amusement. For what, Kyungsoo did not know. And maybe even couldn't care less about.

Unbeknownst to him, or so he would claim, his eyes wandered along the broad expanse of the man’s shoulder. Who was it again? Sehun? Even in his current posture, the man appeared to be much taller than him. The sweaty mop of black hair was falling, making it difficult to examine his face. Don’t misunderstand, he doesn’t really care about the outside. But good look is a bonus, no?

Sehun finally straightened his body after catching three lungfuls of breaths. Kyungsoo was starstruck by the youthful yet matured face of the man standing tall before him. A moment passed and Kyungsoo quickly recovered his expression. “Sehun, Oh Sehun. Sorry, I’m late.” He craned his neck to the side, squinting at the clock above the door. Kyungsoo silently delighted at that moment as the muscle under his loosely tied scarf stretched. “By an hour,” he whispered more to himself but Kyungsoo still caught it but decided to take no notice of it.

“Nice to meet you,” he paused. Kyungsoo replied with his full name, mustering the most genuine smile he could at that time. “Doh Kyungsoo. Nice name.” Sehun shook his hand, then naturally falling into the seat that was vacant for the past hour. Kyungsoo not knowing what to do just followed and went back to his previous seat.

The man in front of him was still a little out of breath, his fingers pinching at the plain baby blue tee clinging to his chest due to the sweat. Sehun had thrown his cream jacket and ashy scarf on the other chair, leaving him only in his burgundy zip-up hoodie and a cotton shirt underneath. He started fanning himself while looking around, acting all natural, very opposite to Kyungsoo. The latter kept staring at his supposed partner, even when he was calling a waiter over. Boyish grin never leaving his face but it didn’t ruin his breathtaking and intricately sculpted face nonetheless. ‘Even so, he is much younger than you,’ Kyungsoo reminded himself.

The tension slowly swarmed around them when Sehun finally focused on the man sitting opposite him. His nervousness slowly becoming visible as Kyungsoo didn’t take his eyes away.

He tried to remember a few things. Junmyeon hyung. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is Junmyeon hyung’s friend.

“How old are you?” The question came way too straightforward in Kyungsoo’s opinion he was clearly taken aback by it. Sehun looked flustered by his own question and was about to backtrack when Kyungsoo finally collected himself and answered, “Thirty-two. Do you have a problem with it?” It was not intended to sound harsh but Sehun did not take it well judging on how agitated he got right after.

“No! Nothing, really. Sorry.” Kyungsoo just nodded when he confirmed their seven years age gap, he obviously being the older one. The tall man silently thanked the waiter for coming back with his beer and chips before leaving again. “Sorry again, you know… for being late. I got some errands to run. Got to do what I have to do to survive.” Kyungsoo once again acknowledged him without any word. Reaching for the chips but looking the younger dead in the eye first. The latter hastily nodded his head.

Sehun started doubting whether the man was actually Junmyeon’s friend. He was too quiet. “Aren’t you curious about me? What is an old hag that looks so out of place doing here? Anything, something.” Kyungsoo paused his munching in an attempt to be friendlier. He pitied the poor guy that looked like he would be shitting bricks in his pants soon.

“Why would you say that? You look hot- I mean. No, you look fantastic.” Sehun muttered a curse while looking down. He could not even hide behind his fringe as the hair was sticking everywhere on his forehead, framing his blooming red face. “Cute,” Kyungsoo muttered to himself but Sehun heard it anyway, blushing even redder.

The night slipped away until Kyungsoo had enough to drink and prefer to let his bladder burst in the comfort of his apartment. Though it was all thanks to Sehun’s effort. He was determined to break the ice when Kyungsoo was pouring more water and froze them.

Both of them left together after Kyungsoo cleared the bill. He was tasting - actually teasing - Sehun who seemed flustered and hesitant to take out his wallet.

Sehun walked him all the way to the bus stop, scoring himself Kyungsoo’s number when they arrived at their destination. He waited with him after exchanging numbers until Kyungsoo bordered the bus. Kyungsoo sat on the other side and he was sure the older man couldn’t see him but he waved anyway.

He scrolled until he spotted the photo of his best friends at a theme park. [I enjoyed it] Sent. [Thanks]

Ψ

But it wasn’t until a month later that they meet again.

It slipped from his mind until Junmyeon mentioned him one day and forced him to a party that he seldom attended. That explained pretty much why he had been standing in front of his full body mirror for a quarter of an hour.

He decided to go with a beige turtleneck and grabbed for the nearest coat after checking the time on his watch. He grabbed for his glasses but stopped again after looking at himself in the mirror. He took them off then put them on again. Again and again, before deciding he needed them since he was going to take his own car.

The drive to Baekhyun and Junmyeon’s place wasn’t long but it was a little delayed as he decided to stop by a bakery. He stared at the small box carefully placed on the shotgun seat. “Alright. Let’s go up.”

Kyungsoo arrived at the right unit around five minutes later, speeding up his speed because he was running a little behind. He was too immersed with pressing the doorbell he didn’t realise the door was swung open. And the person behind it was none other than the birthday boy himself. Kyungsoo caught the conflict on his face. It was twitching, the fight between smile and frown prominent. He decided not to question it.

“Your present. Happy birthday.” He cleared his throat when the man still hadn’t accepted the box. Sehun slowly raised his hand, completely bemused when he recognised the name on the box. “A... cupcake?” He belatedly thanked him albeit still confused at the choice.

“Who is it, Sehun? Oh, you came!” Baekhyun waved excitedly behind the tall man as he spotted the older at the other side of the door. “Why are you still standing there? Come on in.” Sehun was fumbling when he realised they were still at the door. “Yeah, yeah. Get in.” He finally decided to move to the left to give way to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo spotted Chanyeol from the blind date with a few other strangers in the living room after hanging his coat on the wall. Junmyeon was also mingling among them. Right, Sehun was Junmyeon’s junior. Of course, he would know them. He even went to be a tutor before landing an actual job.

Feeling a little out of place, he quietly made a beeline to the kitchen bar stool. Now that he got the birthday gift out of the way, he did not really know what to do. This was exactly why he seldom goes to parties.

He was too immersed with the rectangular device in his hand he didn’t realise someone slipped into the stool on his right. Kyungsoo only caught the presence when he saw something like frosting slipping into the corner of his field of vision. “Sehun?” He turned his head and saw the said man smiling sheepishly at him. “You don’t like it? Sorry, I don’t know what’s your favourite. Should’ve asked Junmyeon first.” Kyungsoo put his phone face down before turning his whole body to face the younger.

Kyungsoo carefully put his fingers around the base to take the cupcake but Sehun immediately grabbed his wrist. “No. I mean. I like… love chocolate. But,” Sehun paused mid-sentence, trying to calm his palpitating heart. He felt lightheaded. “C-can we share it? I mean, you don’t have to. I’m not forcing you. But you bought it. I just-” Kyungsoo quickly cut his babbling, “sure.”

Sehun’s face split into a wide grin although the colour of his face hadn’t return back to normal. He scooped a spoonful and raised the utensil, completely catching Kyungsoo off guard. “It’s your birthday, you should have the first bite.” Kyungsoo hurriedly avoided the spoon. Sehun, on the other hand, impulsively turned the silverware to his face. He took a small bite and offered the rest to Kyungsoo. The latter couldn’t come up with excuses in time so he gave in and let himself getting spoon fed by Sehun. The younger tuned out the noise around them as the sound of blood rushing to his head became more apparent.

They ended up eating the small cupcake together, but it was Kyungsoo who had it more because Sehun insisted on feeding him. “I thought you like chocolate.” Sehun, feeling called out, slowly pulled the spoon out of his mouth after devouring on the last bits of chocolate. “I do,” He answered doubtfully. Kyungsoo just chuckled at his antics.

“Happy birthday again,” Kyungsoo said softly. “You probably should join them. I’m not a… fun companion, you know.” Sehun straightened up in his seat. “Well, I don’t. And that is for me to judge.” Kyungsoo just shook his head softly, letting the other man won without any fight.

They were silent for a while but it was comfortable. For Kyungsoo at least. Unbeknownst to him, Sehun was fidgeting in his stool as if he was sitting on an anthill. “Why did you never contact me?” Sehun didn’t catch the question the first time as he was too busy pulling himself together. So he made a sound which was enough to make Kyungsoo repeat his question. “Oh, that…”

‘How am I going to tell him that he doesn’t seem really interested with me?’ He held his gaze on Kyungsoo’s face instead of answering verbally. The latter raised his brows, silently demanding an answer. ‘How do you not sound offensive? How do you not make fun of yourself in front of someone you had an enormous crush on?’

“Sehun. Sehun? Is there something on my face?” Kyungsoo touched his face, muscles contorting weirdly as he checked on himself. “You have nice lips. Huh? What? Sorry. I didn’t mean that. I mean, you have nice lips. But I didn’t mean that. You know.” Geez, of course, he doesn’t. Sehun mentally cursed at himself. “Thanks, I guess.” Kyungsoo offered a comforting smile. Even if he wasn’t attracted to the younger, he still finds him very adorable.

“So?” This time Kyungsoo pulled his lips into a genuine smile, trying to appear more approachable. “I just. You know, I feel like I didn’t leave a good impression when we first met. You didn’t seem that interested too. I just,” Sehun paused, trying to find the right words. They could talk about other things, Kyungsoo is really not a fun person. “I just think it’s right to exchange numbers at the end of a date. Or whatever that was. I swear I don’t go on blind dates often. Though that might not concern you,” he was muttering the last part with a pout. He was true but Kyungsoo wouldn’t admit it out loud. He is not that mean.

“We can still be friends.” He shrugged nonchalantly, a weak attempt at consolation. A huge blow to Sehun. ‘Right. Thanks for the reminder.’ “Friends, we are.” Sehun offered his hand again, ignoring the dull throbbing in his ribcage. Kyungsoo ignorantly shook it.

Ψ

Despite the low-key rejection he received on his birthday, which he insisted on being one of the worst in years, Sehun still managed to text Kyungsoo a couple of weeks later, asking him out on a date. Or ‘hangout’ as he phrased it in the text sent to Kyungsoo’s number. It took half a day for the man to finally reply with his answer. They agreed to meet this coming Saturday.

He was dressed casually but couldn’t stop staring at his own reflection as he waited for Kyungsoo’s arrival. The older wasn’t late but Sehun decided it wouldn’t hurt to come an hour early. Better play safe, he reminded himself again and again.

Some people couldn’t help but turn their heads when they saw he was still standing by a pillar, even the janitor had been sending him a look. After a while, Sehun gave in and fished for the phone in his jeans pocket. Still half an hour until the time they agreed to meet. He pulled the left sleeve of his grey jacket, checking the time on his watch after doing the exact same thing on his phone just a moment earlier. It was cracked like lightning but he could read the time just fine. ‘29 minutes.’ Sehun exhaled into the scarf still nicely wrapped around his neck.

Sehun put both of his hands into his jeans, looking at his feet as he tapped lightly on the sparkling floor. He was too immersed on watching the peeling toe caps that it took him five seconds to realise a pair of dark leather shoes had stopped very near they went into his field of vision.

The tall man slowly looked up, beaming at the sight of Kyungsoo dressed equally nicely. Although the latter was obviously clad in money and European designers compared to his… nevermind. Sehun wanted to run his fingers in Kyungsoo’s dark lock so much. How did it manage to look so soft after getting styled?

Sehun checked on his watch again and when he looked at Kyungsoo, the man just shrugged with an expression that said ‘I don’t know. Why not?’ loud and clear. “You’re fifteen minutes early.” The older’s face immediately turned mischievous, a playful smirk playing on his lips. “Somehow my gut feelings told me you’ll be here early.” The younger who was caught red-handed started blooming a deep and dark crimson. He pulled his scarf higher to hide his warm neck.

“Let- let’s get in, then.” Sehun shoved his hand into the inside pocket, pulling out 2 tickets for Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Kyungsoo arched one of his thick, messy brows. “You paid for last time,” Sehun grumbled without looking at his friend. Or date. He preferred the latter but went with the former. He had to cut down his meals by a lot this month to afford them, he almost cried. Sehun started walking to the hall without waiting for Kyungsoo, making the shorter jogged to catch up with his long strides.

Sehun was staring intently at his ticket, he did not realise Kyungsoo had halted his steps in front of him. He bumped onto the shorter man’s back. Kyungsoo was surprised he almost toppled forward if not for Sehun quickly grabbing him by his arm. “Sorry.” The younger let go of his arm immediately and walked to his seat without looking back. Kyungsoo was still standing, stunned until someone behind him cleared their throat.

The two of them decided to check out their phones while waiting for the show to get started instead of starting a conversation.

Kyungsoo glanced at the man beside him. He unconsciously smiled at how immersed the younger was. The more he stared at him, the more his vision blurred and formed another visual. Realising something wasn’t right, he quickly averted his gaze back to the musical actors on stage.

Sometimes later, Hedwig started walking down the stairs, making his way to the audience. Specifically to the section where Kyungsoo and Sehun were seated at. “Hyung.” Kyungsoo turned to his right and saw Sehun wasn’t looking at him but the actor who was also heading their way. “What- why?”

The main character of the musical walked and climbed onto Sehun’s seat, dancing in front of the flushing man. Kyungsoo was holding his laughter looking at how horrified the poor guy look at that moment. The younger instinctively grabbed his arm, automatically sending an electric pulse that shook his core even when they were not touching skin-to-skin.

Memories swarmed in his vision that forced him to immediately pulled his arm away without intending to do so. Sehun, who got even more surprised, turned to look at him with concern written in bold, capital letters on his face. What happened next messed with his head even more.

Kyungsoo rose from his seat and bolted for the exit without looking back. Sehun would praise the actor if his mind was still there because if the man on top of him was the slightest surprised, he managed to pull himself back together in a split second. He couldn’t wait for the man to get off, he couldn’t care less about how expensive the tickets were. He needed to run after Kyungsoo. ‘What the fuck was that?’

Sensing the tension, the actor quickly got off after he finished dancing and gave way for Sehun to exit the hall.

His steps were echoing loudly in the quiet hallway as he ran, letting his instinct guide him to wherever Kyungsoo was heading. Sehun found himself outside the building around three minutes later, circling it to get to the parking area. There he found a familiar small silhouette walking with their head cast downward. He took a lungful of air before running in huge strides to stop Kyungsoo.

“What was that?!” Sehun unintentionally raised his voice, making Kyungsoo visibly cringed at his harsh tone. “Sorry.” The taller slowly let go of other’s shoulder, regretting his impulsiveness. “No. You don’t have to. Good night.” Kyungsoo moved around Sehun and immediately entered a metallic black sedan parked under a lamppost. The latter ignored the part of his brain that was wowed by the four rings, instead, he circled the car and took the shotgun seat after calming himself.

Kyungsoo paused his movement, letting the engine hummed in the peaceful night. The air surrounding them was filled with electric ions, their hair standing on ends. Now that he was inside, he didn’t really know how to confront Kyungsoo.

“Get out, Sehun.” The commanding tone took Sehun completely off guard. He whipped his head to the side, staring incredulously at the older man. His jaw was visibly clenched, his left hand gripping the steering while tightly. “You owe me an explanation.” Sehun dared himself to say it out loud. He couldn’t stop himself from cowering when Kyungsoo let something that sounded like a growl before hitting the leather covered wheel. “I know. So, get out. Fucking out of my car!”

Sehun flinched but slowly complied. Kyungsoo realised what he did a moment too late. But he was too egoistic - scared to admit his fault.

So, he left Sehun standing there still completely stunned.

Ψ

He stared at the terribly dark mirror selfie.

‘I thought I was bad at this.’ Kyungsoo clicked on the contact. He stared at the blinking line in the long rectangular box at the bottom of the screen. Then he moved his eyes to the last chat bubble, it was in white. A direct indicator Sehun sent it to him but he didn’t reply. Another grey rectangular box showed the time they had that conversation. ‘So it had been 2 weeks, huh.’

[Hey, wanna ha|]

No. Don’t. It’s better this way. He exit the yellow app and swiped the screen until he found the list he made beforehand. “Soy sauce, soy sauce…” He began pushing the shopping cart again, occasionally looking up the aisle to read the sign. The man made a corner when he reached the right place, walking into an empty aisle with two tall racks filled to the brim with bottles made of glass. Kyungsoo read the list one more time to make sure he was getting the right brand.

After bending down and straightening up multiple times to check on the label, he finally spotted the right one. The next problem occurred exactly at that moment. Kyungsoo put his hands on his waist as he stared at the bottle on the uppermost of the rack. He couldn’t spot any small stools anywhere nearby.

Kyungsoo gave up after peeking into the two aisles nearby, dragging himself to a worker in red vest crouching by the chest freezer. He looked tall enough in that position. Even if he isn’t, he could find other ways to retrieve it. Kyungsoo was helpless at the moment as the supermarket was pretty deserted at that hour so he braced himself and walked over, stopping right behind him.

He cleared his throat to get the busy man’s attention. “Excuse-” Kyungsoo’s eyes widened into the size of standard saucers the moment the stock clerk turned his head around. “Oh, hey. How may I help you?” Sehun quickly recovered his expression, maintaining professionalism. He stretched to full height, wiping his hands on his worn out jeans.

The older man nodded his head and gestured for Sehun to follow him. The two of them walked in silence until they reached the place where Kyungsoo had left his half full trolley.

“I need that bottle,” Kyungsoo said while pointing at the top shelf without looking at Sehun. The latter had an amused look on his face but complied instantly. The shorter man took a step back as Sehun moved closer. He stretched his arm and reached for the first bottle in the front row. “This one, right?” Sehun showed the one he retrieved to Kyungsoo. “Yeah, thanks.”

They stood there in awkward silence after Kyungsoo carefully placed the soy sauce in between other items he had retrieved prior. “So,” Sehun drew out the syllable. “Do you need help with your shopping?” The question was given out of courtesy but the look on their faces seemed to hold so much more beyond that. It took Kyungsoo a moment to finally muster a decent reply, “No, it’s alright. Thank you again for the help.”

Sehun clasped his hands together awkwardly, pulling his lips into a straight line before slowly turning around to go back to his previous task. He was three wide steps away when Kyungsoo called him again. The latter looked hesitant once Sehun turned his head to face him. “Yes?” He prompted.

‘Should I?’ He pulled on the sleeve of his coat, there was still thirty minutes left before the closing hour of the supermarket. Kyungsoo pushed the cart and stopped when he was very near to where Sehun was waiting. The younger didn’t miss the way Kyungsoo’s face contorted in conflict. “Um, are you- No. You’ll finish your shift soon, right?” Sehun, though a little baffled, nodded his head.

Kyungsoo stood there in silence again, looking everywhere but at the person he was talking to. Another conflict flashed on his face, amusing Sehun even more. “Are you free after that?” He was staring at the items he was buying, raising his hand and started scratching on his left brow.

Sehun took a minute too long to respond that Kyungsoo started panicking and regretting his decision. The older man closed his eyes and cringed, wrapping his hands on the handle as he braced himself to walk away.

“Wait.” Sehun finally squeezed a reply from his throat. “I got times. I’ll be done in 45 minutes though. If you’re fine with waiting.” A smile automatically on Kyungsoo’s face. “Deal.” Sehun flashed a smile before leaving Kyungsoo alone to finish his shopping.

Kyungsoo adjusted the backrest until he was reclining. The next thing he did was pulling out the phone from his pocket followed with turning down the volume of the radio until it was almost a murmur in the background.

He still had twenty minutes left before Sehun got off work. It wouldn’t be enough to drive back home, leave the grocery, then drive back to the supermarket. So, he decided to wait in his car in the parking lot. He wasn’t really interested in gadgets but he stored everything he bought just now in the car boot. There was no other entertainment or food to keep him busy for the next one-third of an hour.

It was too depressing to check on his email at that hour, so Kyungsoo closed the app after three minutes of doing a cursory review of the top two emails. After opening and closing a few applications, he hovered his thumb over a colourful logo in the shape of a camera. He had that app installed every time he changed to a new phone but never really used it. Baekhyun insisted he makes an account, “just in case,” he once said.

The screen turned white before it was fully loaded soon after Kyungsoo clicked on the Instagram icon. The first thing he saw is a candid photo of Junmyeon with his mouth wide opened as he slurped on the noodles. Then the man noticed it wasn’t Junmyeon’s personal account. Obviously, it was Baekhyun who posted it. The smile faltered as he recalled the day he got called out as a nuisance. It was a month or so ago. Kyungsoo spent most of his times alone after that, deep down still affected by their words though they meant well.

He scrolled down the main page after tapping the heart button on the photo. After leaving his trace behind on some of his friends and former classmates’ photos, he tapped on the magnifying glass at the bottom of the screen.

Maybe it was because Kyungsoo wasn’t a person one would consider young anymore, or it was just actually him being technologically illiterate but most of the memes that appeared on his explore page were confusing instead of amusing to him. After checking out a few jokes using Internet slangs that he couldn’t understand, he returned to the explore page and clicked the rectangular search box on top.

He stared at his keyboard, wondering why was he on that page. ‘It wouldn’t hurt,’ he assured himself albeit being confused with himself.

[oohsehun]

It was the same username the younger used for his KakaoTalk and much to his pleasure, the first account that appeared on the screen was that of the person he looked for. He quickly clicked on it but this time much to his dismay, the account was locked. Kyungsoo was sure it was Sehun’s because Junmyeon’s username appeared on the following list. After spending a moment contemplating, he finally collected enough courage to click on the follow button.

Kyungsoo jumped when someone suddenly knocked on the window on the passenger’s side, his phone falling ungracefully to the bottom of the seat. It was Sehun, without the red vest.

The older man hastily unlocked his car. Sehun slipped in when Kyungsoo was fumbling to look for his phone. He was too overjoyed when he spotted the black phone under his seat that he forgot there was a steering wheel right above his head. Sehun was both shocked and genuinely worried when he heard a loud thud from the driver’s side.

“Hey, are you alright?” Sehun softly put his hand at the back of Kyungsoo’s head, rubbing the spot softly whilst blowing on it. The latter was hissing and only realised what happened after a minute passed. Sehun only stopped what he was doing when he felt a pair of eyes boring hole on his skull. “Sorry.” Sehun nervously apologised while staring at Kyungsoo’s dumbfounded face. “No, it’s alright.”

At that moment, Sehun phone made a ‘ping’ noise. He quickly pulled it out of his jacket to check the new notification that just came in. His face evolved from curiosity to confusion then straight up amusement. Kyungsoo was curious when the other smirked mischievously.

“Is this yours?” Sehun held his phone high between them, the bright screen reflected on Kyungsoo’s glasses. The latter’s face bloomed crimson immediately, his ears a deeper shade of red. [dohksoo] was written at the top of the screen but the page was empty, no post, not even a profile picture, someone might have mistaken it for a spam account.

Sehun proceeded to accept the request, this time it was Kyungsoo’s phone that made a bell sound. He pressed on the lock button. [oohsehun has accepted your follow request]

The older hastily ended the topic, turning in his seat and adjusting his backrest again before putting on the seatbelt. “Buckle up. Let’s find somewhere to eat.” Sehun snickered but followed his command anyway.

Kyungsoo parked his sleek black car in the serene neighbourhood. They were initially headed for the fast food chain near his house but Sehun said he was craving for ramyeon instead. Though, unbeknownst to Kyungsoo, that is exactly what he has almost every day. He just wasn’t ready to let Kyungsoo pay for another meal. At least his pocket still allowed paying for two cups of ramyeon and two bottles of mineral water.

They exited the car at the same time after Kyungsoo turned off the engine. Sehun made sure he closed the door carefully. His entire saving wouldn’t be enough to pay for a dented Audi’s door.

They walked into a round-the-clock convenience store at the corner of a building block. Sehun held the door for Kyungsoo and both of them walked side-by-side to the place where the ramyeon cups were located at.

Sehun immediately took out his wallet, beating out Kyungsoo after putting their items on the counter. He passed the green note to the cashier, Kyungsoo taking their meals to the table by the floor-to-ceiling window while he retrieved the change.

When he finally took a seat beside Kyungsoo, he saw his ramyeon had been mixed properly while said man was already digging in his. He uncapped the bottles for both of them before joining Kyungsoo. Both of them remained silent while they ate their supper.

Kyungsoo gulped down the water, letting the liquid soothe the spiciness in his mouth and throat. Sehun was still munching down the last few strings of noodle left in his cup when Kyungsoo opened his mouth, “I’m sorry… about the other day.”

Sehun paused for a second but resumed eating instead of mustering a reply. “I know what you had to go through to get those tickets,” Kyungsoo paused, seeing if Sehun was going to cut in or not. “I don’t mean to, you know… hurt your feelings or something.”

The younger suddenly snorted, catching Kyungsoo off guard. “Alright, alright. Now, stop it. I need to finish this.” Kyungsoo smiled after recovering, looking fondly at Sehun. “Just promise me we can be friends.” Sehun finally turned his head around, smiling cheekily while holding his pinky up. Kyungsoo looked a bit taken aback but then willingly linked their pinkies and sealed it.

Sehun felt like laughing at himself. ‘Friends, huh.’

Ψ

Kyungsoo had been staring at the rapidly moving chatroom, still standing by the closed door. He just arrived home after dropping Sehun at his house. It didn’t take long for him to remember the way there because apparently, Sehun was Junmyeon’s roommate when the latter was doing his master’s degree. It was a studio apartment Junmyeon bought as soon as he could afford one but he rented it to Sehun after moving in with Baekhyun.

Baekhyun

[You bastard asdfjkl]

[Did you go out on a date with Sehun?]

[PHOTO]

[Bitch eXpLaIn what’s this?]

It was a screenshot of Sehun’s Instagram story, forwarded from another chat. Obviously, Junmyeon had sent it to his boyfriend privately at first.

Junmyeon is typing…

Baekhyun

[Wait]

[DOH KYUNGSOO]

[YOU POSTED?]

Junmyeon

[He also has a profile picture now]

Baekhyun

[No wonder he doesn’t go out with us anymore now]

Kyungsoo

[We just hang out. Geez, you guys aren’t my only friends]

The man put his phone back into his pocket. He ignored the continuous buzz in his pants as he untied his shoes and put them back on the shelf.

Kyungsoo put his glasses unfolded on the coffee table. He put one foot on the table as he lied down on the couch, phone out again. He swiped the screen until he spotted the logo of the app he’d been using a lot lately. Despite having multiple odd jobs, Kyungsoo realised Sehun was somewhat addicted to posting his daily updates on Instagram.

He was tagged in the younger’s latest story entries. It was what his friends were freaking out about. They went out for lunch or dinner together often, but Kyungsoo finally managed to find some free time between his busy schedule to take Sehun out for a movie as an apology and consolation for bailing out in the middle of a musical performance. The tickets cost much less compared to the musical ones Sehun had for both of them back then but this was better than nothing.

The first picture was of his back while he was getting snacks for both of them. The next one was him again, but this time posing awkwardly in front of a cardboard cutout of the characters from the latest box office movie. The next was the picture of their hands holding their tickets inside the hall.

Kyungsoo exited the story tab, clicking on his profile next. Baekhyun was right. He smiled fondly at the memory of Sehun taking his phone from his hand when he was reading some random international news on his browser. He had his brows furrowed while looking at Sehun but then the sound of camera snapping greeted his ear. The younger insisted he used it as his profile picture because all of his social media accounts used the default one at the moment.

Sehun particularly uploaded the one on in his Instagram. He wanted the privilege, he said. Kyungsoo shook his head again remembering how bratty the younger could get sometimes.

Then he checked out his first post. He unconsciously smiled at the picture of Sehun snapping his signature terrible mirror selfie while he stood awkwardly beside him. It was taken when they walked around the mall while waiting for the next showtime of the movie they were going to watch.

He was kinda cute.

Sehun grabbed for the phone that was thrown haphazardly on his bed before he went to take a shower. The notification sound went off when he just got out of the bathroom on the other end of the apartment.

Junmoney hyung

[Be honest with me]

He waited for the man on the other end to finish typing.

Junmoney hyung

[Do you like Kyungsoo?]

The moment he read the word, he could feel his heartbeat going faster and he was trembling. He had been trying to forget about it for a long time. Or at least since the day he agreed to be just friends with the older man. Because it was obvious the latter was ignorant about his feeling. Or it was just Kyungsoo trying to brush his feeling off.

Sehun collected himself, quickly writing a reply before Junmyeon got worried like a mother hen.

Sehun

[No]

Sent.

[I love him|]

He erased the words before a fight started between his heart and mind. It was not time to be honest or make it known yet. Not yet.

Sehun harshly dried his hair with the towel, shutting his eyes tightly. He forced them close tight enough it was bordering painful. “Fuck this.” The innocent towel was harshly thrown into the hamper in the corner of the room. The tall man fell on his bed, trying to clear his mind with a towel still clinging around his waist. It was then when his phone received another text.

Junmyeon still hadn’t sent any reply yet. Plus, he recognised the photo in the small round frame. Of course he would when he was the one who snapped it.

Kyungsoo

[Hey are you free tomorrow?]

[Wanna grab some lunch?]

Sehun

[Idk]

Too short. He might bombard him with messages.

[Good night hyung. Have a nice dream am tired bye]

Ψ

They rarely went out together lately. Sehun always got errand to run, shifts to cover etcetera, etcetera. Deep down Kyungsoo felt like the younger was avoiding him. It was just that he was not sure why. Which explained why he didn’t pay any mind to it after the thought flashed in his mind. Plus, it was not like Sehun denied his invitations all the time. He just did it more often than not.

But one thing for sure was that he was not going to deny how his life had gone back to being glum and eerily quiet. He was trying so hard to familiarise himself with that feeling again. The solitary that he once liked so much.

He found himself alone at the bar of the eardrum-destroying club one Friday night. He hadn’t gone to one for a while. Since Sehun started spending his free times with him. He took a small sip from the lowball glass placed neatly in front of him by the bartender. He dressed pretty nicely without intending to, receiving kittenish glances whenever he turned to look at the crowd behind him. He couldn’t care less about those people at the moment.

As always, Kyungsoo ended up pulling out his phone from his jeans. He reread the private message sent by Junmyeon from exactly an hour ago. He invited him to their weekly movie night. And this was another thing that he was sure of. His ego still hadn’t recover and so did their friendship. They do contact each other daily, but it had been a long while since Kyungsoo met both of them.

‘Maybe the offer still stands.’ He was about to type a reply when he suddenly heard a loud commotion behind him. Kyungsoo silently thanked them for talking him out of driving to his friends’ house and turned himself back to a cock blocker. His ears caught the slurred yelling again from the crowd, more heads turned now.

“You fucking shit excuse of human wasting resources,” was what he heard as soon as he got near. That voice sounded familiar, but he did not want to jump into a conclusion too soon. He waited for the man to talk again but it was his opponent’s turn. “You let me touch you first!” He sounded equally tipsy but not as bad as the first one.

Kyungsoo squeezed himself in the crowd to get closer, catching the swears the first man was spitting and finally able to see his face. “You dipshit!” He was about to swing his fist but Kyungsoo spotted the bouncer getting closer first. So the latter immediately ran to the middle and pull the drunk as a skunk man’s hand back to his side before getting both of themselves out of the club. Before the bouncers got the chance to do just that.

Sehun was finally snoring in the backseat after a few minutes of spouting colourful words in his hammered state. Kyungsoo still occasionally checked on his reflection just in case the younger decided to act up again or worse, throw up in his car. Thankfully the man was dead to the world throughout the whole ride to Kyungsoo’s apartment, though he was calling his name once in a while.

Kyungsoo parked the car in the basement, quickly making his way to the backseat right after he turned off the engine. He pulled on the younger’s legs that were curled on the seat. Sehun stirred in his sleep and slowly regained consciousness when the tugging continued.

The older man was fumbling to pull him out as his body kept falling backwards. At one point, the former had to shout Sehun’s name to keep him awake as he manoeuvred the younger out of the car. He swung his long limb over his shoulder, preparing his body to get crashed by Sehun’s overwhelming weight.

They made it to Kyungsoo’s unit with great difficulty as Sehun kept slipping down and in and out of consciousness. Kyungsoo was wondering why the younger got shitfaced out of the blue while punching in his house security pin.

He immediately pushed Sehun onto the wall as soon as they got in. He crouched down to untie and take off the younger’s shoes, ignoring the latter’s grunts as he hit his head on the wall.

He did see it coming and he was very clearly shell shocked when Sehun suddenly ran his long, skinny fingers in his hair, tugging slightly once he reached the back of his skull. Kyungsoo looked up, greeted by a bulge forming in the tight-fitting leather pants. The grunt that slipped from Sehun’s lips this time didn’t sound quite like the first one. The alarm and red light were ready to set off in his hazy mind but Sehun quickly pulled him up and pushed him to the opposite wall.

Kyungsoo was not given enough time to recover from the shock when Sehun moved closer and leaned in until their lips met. The younger’s breathing was erratic and so was his heart under Kyungsoo’s palm. The latter tried to push him away but Sehun kept advancing until the remaining alcohol in his system succeeded in clouding his judgement.

Sehun was rough and messy but Kyungsoo slowly kissed him back, controlling the pace until it didn’t hurt anymore. He still could hear the faint nagging of his conscience in the distance, but Sehun shut the voice up completely when he slipped his warm, calloused hands under Kyungsoo’s thin cotton button-up.

The kiss involved lots of lips and clashing teeth and breathing noisily through their noses. Sehun tried to make his advance, but Kyungsoo always got him back under control. The older could see his clouded blown pupils when Sehun opened his eyes once in a while.

Kyungsoo was so immersed by the kiss that he jolted when he suddenly felt something cold touching his back. Sehun had discarded his shirt before they arrived at their current place. He took that moment to run his tongue up Kyungsoo’s neck since their kiss had broken, tasting the bead of sweat that formed there. The older shivered, twice when Sehun bit lightly on his nape. He ran his tongue on the salty skin again, delighting in the way Kyungsoo clenched on his biceps tightly while breathing heavily into his ears.

They arrived at the master bedroom with Kyungsoo’s lead. Knocking themselves on walls and shelves and cupboard along the way. Kyungsoo fell on the bed first followed by Sehun. The younger didn’t take the time to carve the image into the back of his head, the only thing in his head right now was Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, in Kyungsoo, wherever, more Kyungsoo.

Sehun crawled until he was hovering right above Kyungsoo, his legs folded beside Kyungsoo’s torso. He cradled the older’s face and stared into his eyes. Kyungsoo saw something fleeted in the younger’s eyes, something that resembled melancholia a little too much. But Sehun’s lips were back on him before he got time to think about it.

Kyungsoo jolted again this time. It was when Sehun finally unzipped his pants. The loud sound in the rather silent room was like a terrible nagging that wakened up Kyungsoo from his short-lived fantasy.

He collected his strength to push Sehun who looked dumbfounded and devastated when he did it. The younger tried to push him back down but Kyungsoo used all his strength to get Sehun off him. The younger tumbled backwards, eyes wide opened. The rejection finally dawned on him when Kyungsoo turned his face away. Both arms were folded together across his naked chest as an attempt to put a barrier between him and Sehun. As a gesture that this was not right.

Sehun finally realised the photo on the nightstand at that exact moment. It looked similar to the few frames hung around the house. He could still see it clearly, even his intoxicated brain figured what kind of photo was that.

“So you are married?” Sehun leaned back on his arms, head thrown back as he held in his tears. “So you are married?” He repeated the question but quietly this time. He pinched his eyes, trying to calm the pounding in his skull. He stared at the gleaming white gold band on the other man’s ring finger. The laugh that slipped from his lips was sadistic. Very sadistic that Kyungsoo flinched, genuinely worried. “I should’ve known. Stupid Sehun. Silly. Idiot.”

“I’m sorry.” Sehun quickly got off the bed, almost tumbling over but Kyungsoo managed to catch his arms before he fell on his face. He swatted the hand away immediately. “I’m sorry again. Let me crash. I promise I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” Kyungsoo tried to stop him but Sehun kept pushing him away, hiding his face from Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo sat back on his bed when the bedroom door shut. He would rather see Sehun getting mad or something but the man was as calm as he could get in his drunken state when he closed the door. ‘At least he wouldn’t leave right away in that state,’ Kyungsoo tried to reassure himself.

He moved his eyes from the door to the photo on his nightstand. A photo of two men in matching suits, one in all black, the other fully clad in white. “I’m not. I was married.” But Sehun wasn’t there to listen to him.

Sehun woke up when the sky was still red, when it was still dawn. He pulled himself into a seating position despite how difficult it was with his head pounding. It felt like there were gazillion tiny hammers in there, knocking on his organ and skull. His throat felt like sandpaper too. Bits of last night’s memories flashed in his head, making the hangover ten times worse.

He removed the soft blanket from his half-naked body. He tried to fold it as best as he could before rising from the couch. Sehun found his shirt by the dining table, quickly retrieving it. He left the top two unbuttoned as he tiptoed to the door.

Kyungsoo woke up in better condition than the younger man when the sun was halfway up. He quickly left his room after recalling last night’s incident. But Sehun was no longer there. He checked the sink, in case he had some water first before leaving. Nothing, dry.

He dragged his feet to the living room. Maybe he left a note. Kyungsoo needed a note, words. Anything.

Nothing.

It looked like no one was there if not for the blanket placed neatly on the coffee table. It was also the day Sehun left him, never to be contacted again.

Ψ

The summer sun felt like it could melt him into a puddle of sloshy muds. He took out his phone again while looking out the city through the floor-to-ceiling window in his bedroom. He had been checking on his Instagram account almost every day but it still remained the same. The last photo was from four months ago. Sehun had deleted the photo they took together from two months ago.

Kyungsoo exited the app and clicked on the contacts. It had been exactly two months since he last tried to reach for the younger man. It went straight to a voicemail box that time. Maybe he had better luck this time.

Even worse. The number was not in service anymore. It couldn’t be that he broke his heart that bad. But if he is to define bad, he wouldn’t be able to.

He finally had enough confidence to find Sehun at his house two days after that eventful night. His palms were clammy and cold as he adjusted the collar of his shirt. It was a chilly Sunday after all.

Kyungsoo had his knuckles hanging in the air, barely grazing the cold hardwood standing vertically in front of him. But the door swung open when he was finally going to knock it. However, instead of the person he wanted to meet so badly, it was a confused looking Junmyeon that greeted him. They exchanged ‘hello’ and ‘hey’ awkwardly, thousands of questions running in their head. ‘What is he doing here?’ was the first that flashed in their heads.

“Come on in. I’d appreciate some help here. Though there isn't much to do anymore.” The last part came more like a murmur to himself but Kyungsoo gladly walked in after the other man. He placed his shoes neatly beside Junmyeon’s, only realising the studio was empty after he looked up. The furniture was there, but there was just no life to it anymore. Like… someone had moved out. Sehun had moved out.

“Where is he?” Junmyeon turned his head to look at Kyungsoo who was in the small kitchen. The former was collecting two beer bottles Sehun forgot to throw out as the latter checked inside the fridge. “Who? Oh.” Junmyeon made his way to the kitchen, stopping by a huge garbage bag. “Wait. What’s that?”

Kyungsoo flinched when Junmyeon’s cold fingers grazed the breath of skin exposed under his collar. The younger didn’t pull his hand instead, dragging his nails lower, digging lightly into something that looked like a bite mark. The two bruises bloomed purplish red, contrasting Kyungsoo’s pale skin.

The dark haired man hissed, swatting the nosy hand away as he covered his neck. He totally forgot about that.

“Wait.” It seemed like something clicked in his brain, his jaw falling as he stared incredulously at Kyungsoo. “Are you… behind all these?” Kyungsoo sent him a perplexed look, but realisation slowly dawned on his face. “No. No? No! Of course not. You know what? I don’t know. No, we didn’t fuck or whatever. Almost. But that’s not the problem here. I came to apologise. Where is he?” Kyungsoo pulled on his neat hair frustratedly, dark strands facing random directions once he let go.

Junmyeon sighed. Right, that didn’t matter now. “You really want to know?” He stared warily at the other. Kyungsoo nodded fervently, of course he wanted to know. It was not the time for a rhetoric question. “I don’t know too.” Kyungsoo let out a frustrated grunt. Junmyeon looked serious, he didn’t sound like he was serious.

“Well, great. Thanks.” Kyungsoo ruffled his hair some more, feeling lost.

Junmyeon set the glass of plain water in front of Kyungsoo. He took a seat on the bed as the other leaned his head on the wall with his eyes closed and brows knitted together.

“I didn’t know what happened between the two of you but I’ll let you know it’s not entirely your fault. I’m sure he didn’t move out just because you rejected him.” Kyungsoo opened his eyes, sending a look that screamed ‘how did you know’ at Junmyeon. “We’re friends since we were just fertilised ovum. Plus, knowing you,” Junmyeon paused, snorted as he stared at Kyungsoo’s hand. The latter quickly put his right hand on top of his left one, covering the gleaming gold white ring from view. “You’re just so stupid sometimes, it’s ridiculous. One of the most successful twenty-first-century farmer and businessman, dumb as a rock.”

Kyungsoo stayed silent, keeping the insult to be dealt another time. He indirectly urged Junmyeon to continue. “I don’t even know where to start with you. But for Sehun.” There was a longing look in his eyes as he stared at the ceiling. “I suspected him but he said no. I wanted to believe him so much but knowing him…” Junmyeon sighed, turning his head to look at the wall in front of him. “I probably know the reason why he said no. He didn’t just like you. He fell in love with you, I just don’t know when.”

It struck Kyungsoo like Zeus’ thunderbolt, shaking his core hearing the cursed L word. “Do you know anything about that boy?” Junmyeon’s eyes were so soft, sympathy written all over his face that made Kyungsoo looked away. He curled further into himself. He knew… nothing about the younger. Like the younger didn’t know anything about him.

“ I know him when he was just a lanky kid trying to make ends meet. At least at that time, he didn’t have to worry about putting a roof over his head or filling his stomach with enough food. Focus on earning to help lighten his parents’ burden while finishing his degree. He was the trophy son of a very proud couple. He was.” Junmyeon’s voice broke at the end. Kyungsoo was not anticipating a sob story but he couldn’t make himself to stop the other.

Junmyeon downed the whole glass in one go. “But it went wrong when he was almost at the finishing line. When he was very tight on money. When he was at his lowest.” He remembered when one of his students rang him one morning. “His parents received a call at midnight, telling them their son got into a bar fight. Except that bar was frequented by people their son wasn’t supposed to be seen with. At that moment they realised Sehun had his whole face made up. The virgin twink the other guy was calling is their trophy son. The son they raised with love and showered with money earned from working day and night so he won’t know what is hardship and poverty.”

There was a lone tear on Junmyeon’s cheek as he paused momentarily. Kyungsoo was still listening without interrupting, looking dazed. “He lost his parents and a place to call home that night. For a month, he jumped from one house to another until one of his friends contacted me. He was hesitant at first but Sehun had been skipping classes to work just so he could finish school. That boy refused their help, saying they were also trying hard to survive.”

Kyungsoo didn’t know what it felt like to be Sehun. He was fortunate enough that his parents accepted him for he is. He even got to marry his first love. A guy that left him almost five years ago. College was hard too for him but he managed it without extreme difficulties. He liked what he was doing, enjoyed almost every moment of his life.

“I took him with me, stopping him from fleeing multiple times until he felt comfortable enough to call this place his home. I helped him as much as I could. When I moved out, I rented this place to him. I know he wouldn’t stay here for free. But now he’s gone, I guess I need to find a new tenant.” Junmyeon rose from his place on the bed, leaving Kyungsoo with his thoughts as he went to the kitchen to clean his glass.

Ψ

Kyungsoo put the last frame into the box located in the hallway to his room. He touched the ring on his finger after closing and sealing the box with tape. It would be his final gift to Jongin. He was finally ready for closure. Once and for all.

He went straight to the small cosy house his late husband bought for them in Jeju. The tangerine farm was ten minutes away by foot. He would go there after cleaning the house. There was one photo of them left, located on an accent table in the living room. He looked young there, Jongin too. Young and in love. Before everything went south on their first year together as husbands.

The memory was interrupted by the ringing bell. His most trusted employee had arrived so he put the photo face down on the box he brought from Seoul.

The man from earlier knew him well. Knew Jongin well. He brought a bouquet of sunflower when he came over, the one in Kyungsoo’s arm at the moment as he made his way to the columbarium. The brown box was tucked nicely under his arm.

Kyungsoo arrived at the right place after a few minutes of walk up a flight of stairs. He pushed the glass open, placing the box nicely by the urn. He placed the photo on top of it. The bouquet came after that. Placed strategically so Jongin’s face wouldn’t be covered by the petals.

Now, came the final item. He stared down at his finger. He turned the ring around until their initials were positioned right on top. Thirty seconds passed. If he takes this off, it marks the end of them. Of Kyungsoo and Jongin. Of his first love story. But he assured himself, it was just a chapter. Not the whole book. It was time to let go. He couldn’t afford to hurt another person. He was not that mean.

He finally slid closed the glass door, taking a step back. The only thing left on his finger was the mark left by the ring. The skin tone there was different from the rest of his hand. Kyungsoo said his prayer for the man one last time, fighting the urge to cry. He did that enough back then.

It was not his intention to completely let him go but if he didn’t do this, he’d still be bound with his past. Tangled in messy knots of fates. He was too weak, figuratively, literally, emotionally, mentally. He apologised to Jongin, hoping the latter would understand his decision.

Kyungsoo’s next destination was the farm. It was all orange and green. A few workers were picking the tangerines. He didn’t walk further, stopping by a bench located at a place where he could overlook the farm.

He had this farm when Jongin was still a pretty new addition in his life. Both of them young and energetic and passionate. In love with each other, or so Kyungsoo believed.

Jongin liked Jeju and Kyungsoo always wanted to be a farmer. The latter was scared at first, he might be impulsive but no one beat Jongin at it. He silently thanked the man again for making all of these possible. He wouldn’t know what he would do without him constantly pushing him to his limit so he could overcome it.

Then his memory blurred, changing like scenes in a movie. It was a couple of years later. He proudly called the other his husband. And so did Jongin. But the future is dark, scary. Unpredictable. A secret. They could make a long list of plans for the future but it could turn south overnight.

He remembered the name like it was his. Printed into the back of his head like a constant reminder he should have kept a little doubt, took his time to know someone. Kim Minseok. He came back to Jongin’s life after five years. Without clear intention written on his face, he took the latter from Kyungsoo right under his nose.

Kyungsoo, naive and ignorant. Kyungsoo, dumb as a rock. He let it happened, telling himself it was just him being an understanding partner. They were friends. Or so Minseok claimed. He found out a little too late they were old flames.

The first week was fun for Jongin but Minseok broke his heart again like last time. Even worse this time. That not even Kyungsoo could melt some chocolate to mend it back together like what he did when Jongin first met him. That was when it became toxic. Kyungsoo was nothing more than a caretaker for a living corpse. His in-laws wanted to be mad at him. Heck, Kyungsoo wanted them to yell at him. But they couldn’t. Not even the day he lied coldly on the hospital bed.

Shaking the sad memory from his head, Kyungsoo rose from his seat and ended his day just walking around. Reminiscing the pieces of good times they made on the island.

He received a text when the ball of plasma was slipping from the horizon. The sky was a pretty shade of magenta, red, tangerine… you name it. It looked like an intricate painting, a careful and calculated stroke.

[Hello, sir. I am Lim Joonsik from Lim Realtors. I am sorry for reaching back to you past operation hour. I assure you this is not a normal occurrence. I’ll be at your service anytime you need.]

Ψ

The day had come.

It felt like deja vu. Baekhyun and Junmyeon were in their own world but this time Kyungsoo intentionally made them wait for him. He needed time to gather as much courage as he could to do this. He already gave himself two months but a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt.

The waiter came to the table when Kyungsoo slipped into the seat in front of his friends. The two of them finally noticed his arrival.

Kyungsoo noticed it was the same waiter from months ago. He still looked as bashful as ever. “One Americano for me, please. Thanks, Yixing.” The boy nodded his head as he jotted down the order quickly. His face got even redder when Kyungsoo read the name on his nametag. Baekhyun was perplexed by the sudden act of friendliness but decided not to question it. Long years of friendship taught him to never question Kyungsoo’s mood change.

“It has been a while since we had brunch together. You should hang out with us more often.” Junmyeon said then Baekhyun followed, “yeah. Look at you, look at the wrinkle. Did you lose weight? You made tons of money already, you know.” Kyungsoo just laughed it off. He did raise his fingers to gently touch the side of his eye, feeling the skin there. “I’m fine, guys. I just don’t have any other things to do. Plus, both of you are so happy together I’m afraid I might ruin it.” He said it in teasing tone but the look on his friends’ was unreadable. Maybe offended. Or was it apologetic?

Kyungsoo, sensing the sudden tension cleared his throat. Of course he had to have his daily fill of saying the wrong thing. “It’s almost a year actually. Since the last time, we came here together. We may be lovers now but the three of us are friends way before that.” Baekhyun reached for Kyungsoo’s hand on the table. He gently squeezed it and kept it there when the latter didn’t pull away.

“I know. Stop worrying about me. I’m thirty-three in a few months for God’s sake, I’m a grown up. I’m a big boy.” He gave them an assuring smile. His friends loosened up a bit. They paused when Kyungsoo’s order arrived.

“I can’t stay for long. The thing is, guys…” Kyungsoo looked down. He wanted to take his hand back to his side but the warmth from Baekhyun’s hand was what he needed. Somehow it calmed his frenzied nerves. “I’m moving away. I think it’s time. I needed time. To get my life back under control.”

Shocked was an understatement for both Baekhyun and Junmyeon. “O-oh, really. Where? Can we still hang out?” Baekhyun’s face fell. Kyungsoo had always been the shoulder he leaned on, even after things evolved between him and Junmyeon. “Actually… no.” Baekhyun pulled his hand away, looking crestfallen. Kyungsoo’s heart broke at the way both of them were staring at him.

“I was busy trying to find new owners for my houses. I want to let him go completely now. I’m ready. I know it’s time. And Jongin would understand my intention. He would be proud of me.” The three of them stayed in silent, none of them knew what to say. Kyungsoo’s mouth unconsciously started running freely again. “I felt like… I failed at love. I excelled in most things, I made my parents proud. I met wonderful people like you guys. But I was never given the chance to love properly. Jongin left me. And when someone who was ready to replace him came, I pushed him away.”

Junmyeon broke into a full sobbing mess. “Stop saying that, you dickhead.” Kyungsoo just laughed lightheartedly. “Jongin taught me a lot of things. I should never, never waste my time running after people that had drawn a thick, bold line in neon yellow. Both of us lost our first loves. He lost Minseok and I lost him. But I don’t want to live like him. First love is not something you can find in a textbook. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with it. There is no example to be emulated. I will do it Kyungsoo way.”

Kyungsoo’s phone suddenly lit up, the alarm going off. He rose from his seat, turning to look at his friends for the last time. “I’m sorry again, guys. I have a flight to catch. I hope you understand and know I love both of you so much. I just…” The two of them also rose from their seats, pulling Kyungsoo into a tight group hug. Junmyeon was already crying while Baekhyun patted his back assuringly.

“We love you too, you know. More than you think. You are our precious puppy but our caring mother hen too. Please forgive us for pushing you away. Promise us you’ll visit us often. Come back when you are ready. We’ll always welcome you home.” Baekhyun placed a wet kiss on his cheek, receiving a flick on his forehead in return.

Kyungsoo paid for their meals before they exited the shop together, walking Kyungsoo to the waiting cab right outside. “Please take care, Kyungja. My precious son.” Baekhyun kissed him on his other cheek but he let it slide this time. “Don’t forget to call us often.” Junmyeon smiled sadly. They hugged one last time.

He immediately ordered the driver to move as soon as he got in. He didn’t want them to see him crying.

Ψ

The snow was thick on the sidewalk. Two months passed by without him paying much attention to it. Time is nothing but a dimension to him. Something he couldn’t stop or turn backwards. He would keep living until his time is up. He would want to leave in peach. But not today.

He was walking home after surveying the new location for his upcoming business. ‘Little effort to save our planet,’ he snorted at himself for having that thought. It was cold, biting cold. So different to summer but he was pretty used to it.

Kyungsoo made a turn and soon arrived at a bench by the river. People were minding their business and a foreigner like him no longer attracted eyes. He was just another guy in London, spending his time outside on a sunny winter weekend.

The air bit on his skin whenever it blew and hit his exposed his face. He just contacted his friends back home a few hours ago, it was too soon to contact them again. Plus, the two just got engaged. They were probably doing something he didn’t want to think about. That was their business.

The flowing water was so mesmerising that Kyungsoo automatically tuned out the noise around him. But his ears didn’t filter a familiar voice that came a few feet away. It came from behind his back. He whipped his head around immediately, wiping his glasses before putting them back on to see clearly.

There he was. A tall figure with his eye-catching ginger hair. It was the colour of Kyungsoo’s favourite fruit. The mop of tangerine-coloured hair was neat and just the right length under a blue beanie. Kyungsoo would mistake him for a local any other time if he didn’t notice how fluent and clear the tourist guide’s Korean was. He recognised that face, that voice. That toothy smile that pushed his eyes into crescent shape. That was Sehun. Hundred per cent.

Sehun was tall and definitely stood out in the group of tourists. He looked dashing as ever of course. More mature than the last time Kyungsoo saw him. Most of them were at retirement age, but a few that stayed at the back of the crowd looked pretty young.

Kyungsoo rose, making sure his presence was not noticed by the younger as he blended in the group. An old lady handed him a brochure without questioning his sudden appearance. Kyungsoo stared at it blankly.

“Alex, can we rest for a bit?” Kyungsoo looked up. Alex? He was sure that was Sehun. Who is Alex? Another voice agreed on the suggestion. They decided to find empty benches nearby when Sehun- Alex- the guide agreed.

Sehun was talking to a woman that was in the group. She was probably his colleague because they were talking in a friendly tone with each other. Sehun looked so comfortable with her, a smile never leaving his face. Kyungsoo felt his heart ached at that realisation. Should he turn back now? Before his presence was known. But he shouldn’t make his own conclusion. No.

“Oh Sehun.” He was standing a few feet behind Sehun, neither of the two noticed he was there. “Yes?” The younger man unconsciously reacted to the name. The name he left behind many months ago.

He was not introduced as Oh Sehun here. No one knew he is Oh Sehun. He realised it was too late when he saw confusion written on Ruby’s face, the woman he was talking to a moment ago.

“So it’s you. Oh Sehun. Sehun.” Kyungsoo kept tasting the name on his tongue. It felt familiar and alien at the same time. The smile on the younger’s face dropped as soon as he saw the person who called him by his birth name.

“Kyungsoo hyung.” The man smiled solemnly when he heard his name being called.

Ψ

It seemed like a huge invisible hand had thrown a blanket on the sky. It was dark but the stars stayed by the moon side like the loyal company they are.

Kyungsoo was already a little lightheaded when Sehun came to the place they agreed to meet at after their meeting that afternoon. Sehun looked tired, but Kyungsoo didn’t want to waste any time, or he might lose Sehun again.

They sat side-by-side silently at the bar, tipping back their respective drinks. Kyungsoo ordered plain water next so he could talk properly with Sehun. He missed talking to his friend. Can he still consider him as a friend?

“How are you, Sehun-ah?” Kyungsoo tried to hold in the hiccup but it still forced its way out, he accidentally dropped the glass on the table. Sehun flinched but immediately tried to get his expression under control. “Good. As you can see. Life has been well since I moved here.” Kyungsoo nodded in acknowledgement. It hurt his pride a little but that was good news. Sehun was not badly affected by him.

“Why are you here by the way? How did you-” Sehun cut him off, “how did I afford this? I got a scholarship but work at a travel agency when I’m free. Don’t worry though. It was not because of you. I had been waiting for this moment for a year already.” Kyungsoo knew it was partially a lie from his suddenly changing tone but didn’t want to push on the subject. Not yet. Yet he still felt more pain pricking his heart. Then he remembered Junmyeon’s words. Sehun was a bright student. That somehow made him felt so proud.

“How about you, hyung? You look-” It was Kyungsoo’s turn to cut off. He smiled thankfully at Sehun’s effort to appear more friendly. “Older? I know. My thirty-third birthday is next month anyway. But it’s too much hassle to get a Botox.” He laughed lightheartedly, though Sehun seemed hesitant to join in despite how amusing it was.

“I’m fine. I guess, for the most part.” There was longing in his eyes that Sehun caught. It stayed there. “I wanted to have a fresh start. I had been pining for someone that had left my side half a decade ago. Stupid, right? So much could happen in five years, but I let it past just like that. As if I know how many times I have. When I already witnessed someone so young and had so much more to give leave me forever.” The laugh came out hysterically, Sehun had concern written on his rather stoic face. He understood each word perfectly. Kyungsoo is a widower.

Kyungsoo took a long deep breath. “But somehow, in a way, I’m glad I did that. Because I got to meet you.”

They kept talking until it was late and Kyungsoo had too much to drink. The atmosphere was nice but the older couldn’t hold his drink any longer. He was whining about how drunk he felt at the moment.

Sehun gave him a piggyback ride to his studio apartment. Kyungsoo couldn’t even get out properly from the cab, he wasn’t sure if the man could climb the stairs without falling or hurting himself. The younger had to lean forward, putting his head on the door as he tried to unlock the door with a babbling drunk on his back.

He finally found the right key, but the way Kyungsoo suddenly hugged him tighter made him dropped the bundle on the floor. Crouching down would be too much for his knee, so he put the older down by the door before picking up the key.

“Don’t leave me. It’s cold.” Kyungsoo lolled his head to one side until he saw Sehun in his blurry vision. He immediately pulled the latter by his sleeve until he crashed on top of him. “Hyung- wait, hyung. Let go. We need to go inside.” Kyungsoo was adamant on burying his face on Sehun’s chest and not letting go. The latter tried to break free from the hug again to no avail. “Stay.” Sehun had no other choice but to hoist the man up into his arms after he whispered into his ear.

“Goodness. I’m going to need more weight training after this.” Sehun had his legs wide apart with Kyungsoo hanging like a koala on his body. Unlocking the door was never difficult, not when he had additional weight on the upper part of his body.

Sehun hastily took off his shoes by stepping on the collars once they were inside as his arms already started shaking from carrying a grown-up man in his arms. He made a beeline to the bed on the other end of the studio, gently putting Kyungsoo down on his bed.

He was taking off the man’s shoes and socks when he started babbling again. “Where are you?” Sehun looked up, making sure Kyungsoo didn’t fall from the bed as he tried to sit up. “Here, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.” He dashed to the door again to put Kyungsoo’s shoes away and made sure to come back before the latter started getting worried.

Kyungsoo had already thrown his jacket and shirt haphazardly on the floor by the bed, leaving him with only in a maroon turtleneck when Sehun finally made it back to the bed. He was staring at Sehun with an unreadable gaze that made the latter felt small when in reality he was a good five inches taller than the older man.

After a moment of silence, Sehun finally collected his guts to mutter something that hopefully would break the man’s tantalising gaze on him, “I’ll take the couch.” It was obvious in the way he delayed his move that he was waiting for the man to react. Kyungsoo didn’t disappoint. He scooted until he reached the foot of the bed as gracefully as his hazy mind could make him.

“You said you’re not going anywhere.” The way he looked at Sehun’s hand before carefully taking it into his made the latter’s heart jumped. He felt lightheaded by the smallest touch. “I’m not.” Sehun slowly put one knee beside Kyungsoo’s thigh, bowing his head as not to break their eye contact. “You do.” Kyungsoo used his other hand that was free to caress Sehun’s tired eye lightly. “Well, I’m here.” Sehun closed his eyes and touched the hand on his face. He was fully seated on the older’s lap by then.

“We probably should go to sleep.” He led the hand away from his face as he slowly opened his eyes again. “I want a kiss.” Kyungsoo was already leaning in when the request slipped from his mouth. “Later. You’re drunk.” The younger man put one foot on the floor, but Kyungsoo was uncompromising. “Not drunk enough.” He tugged on Sehun’s hand until they fell on the bed.

“I don’t want-” Kyungsoo cut him off by kissing Sehun on his small and trembling lips. They didn’t move, had no intention to. “I’m not going away. I’m going to remember this.” The older man cradled Sehun’s face as the latter twirled his finger on the dark strand of hair. “So, please…” Kyungsoo raised his head off the bed, waiting for Sehun to meet him in the middle.

The kiss was slow yet demanding. Sehun leaned closer, trying to erase any space even when there was none. Kyungsoo finally got to rest his head on the soft bed, though it didn’t even occupy the smallest part of his brain. He was too contented by the contact, finally being able to touch Oh Sehun again. The boy who got his heart broken by him. But he also wanted to be the one that will mend it.

On another day, a perfectly normal day where Kyungsoo was the painful bit of his memory, Sehun would be terribly overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol. He was never a fan of alcohol, despite how he had to rely on it from time to time. But Kyungsoo was more than just a memory now. He was real.

Sehun was the first one to pull away. He didn’t want to but he wanted to make sure this was not part of his illusion. Or part of his dream, Kyungsoo always visited him in his sleep.

“Kyungsoo…” Said man was unbuttoning the first two buttons of Sehun’s shirt. He hummed as a reply. “You’re here.” Kyungsoo stopped his fingers, then he placed a chaste kiss on the corner of the younger’s lips. He did not say another word but Sehun caught the meaning. I’m here. He’s real.

The younger man shivered when Kyungsoo finally planted his palms on his naked chest. “So beautiful. So real,” Kyungsoo reminded, all the while warming his hand on Sehun’s heated body. “Kiss me.” Sehun complied without resistant this time. Plus, Kyungsoo’s lips looked even better when they were puffy and red and wet with saliva.

Kyungsoo nudged his nose with Sehun’s when they changed their heads position. “Clothes.” It was short and simple but clear for Sehun. The younger kept his mouth on Kyungsoo’s, tongues intertwined, saliva dripping to the latter’s chin as he slid his hands under the hem of Kyungsoo’s turtleneck.

He was hot. Burning hot with desire. Sehun liked it that way. He teasingly traced the hard lines on Kyungsoo’s abdomen with his thumbs. They weren’t perfect or intricately carved like his, but he knew Kyungsoo is buff. Strong, sturdy like the chest that was still covered with the brownish-red material.

“F-uck.” Kyungsoo accidentally pulled away, arching his neck when Sehun’s thumbs grazed his nipples. “So sensitive,” Sehun whispered into his ear. Then the younger moved his lips lower. He pulled the collar down using his teeth, just enough to expose the skin waiting to be marked. Kyungsoo let out something resembling a whine when his left thumb and forefinger twirled the pebbled tissue.

“Sehun… take it off.” Kyungsoo took a hold of his right wrist, the younger finally pulled away from his neck after making sure the skin bloomed crimson. His shirt joined the pile on the floor after he discarded the sweater.

The tall man halted his movement when his eyes caught something… different. Kyungsoo took a while to notice the change, too high on oxytocin.

Kyungsoo raised his body, resting his weight on his arms, eyes following Sehun’s gaze. “Touch it.” A small smile appeared on his face when Sehun followed his words like an enchanted man. He looked young and naive, ironically, when the tip of his fingers grazed the ink engraved under Kyungsoo’s skin. “Narcissus. Daffodils,” he mumbled more to himself but Kyungsoo still gave him an affirmative response.

The number of petals was random on both sides of his pelvis. The stems were thin and almost connected in the middle. “Daffodils,” Kyungsoo repeated Sehun’s word. The latter brought his finger higher. He pressed his palm lightly on Kyungsoo’s semi-hard belly. The black ink was connected until it made a laurel wreath, circling the man’s belly button. Sehun pressed his thumb, massaging the area. Kyungsoo was taken by surprise when the other suddenly ducked his head to place a kiss on his final tattoo, the swallows. They were small and heading upwards. Sehun followed until he reached right under the sternum. Kyungsoo’s breath hitched when he suddenly sucked and nibbled the skin there.

“God.” Kyungsoo tugged on the hair on the younger’s neck, making him faced him. “Sehun, say my name.” Kyungsoo did just as he said.

They didn’t rush. Kyungsoo slipped the pants off of his legs while Sehun retrieved a lube from his nightstand. “I don’t have-” Sehun stammered, shutting his mouth when Kyungsoo sent him a look.

‘Calm down, Sehun. Calm down.’ Sehun blushed even harder when he moved to hover over Kyungsoo again. They were in similar condition, not a thread on their bodies. Kyungsoo took one of the younger’s hands, the other squirting some lube into the welcoming palm. The bottle was tossed randomly on the bed.

“Stay with me,” Kyungsoo muttered, trying to catch Sehun’s attention as he spread the lubricant on the younger’s long digits. “You have pretty hands, nice fingers.” The words were conveyed when he led the fingers to his perineum. Both of them shivered for different reasons.

Sehun experimentally rubbed on the puckered skin, Kyungsoo’s hand only leaving his wrist when confidence finally surfaced on his features. “Go on.” He sounded ready, but he involuntarily hissed when Sehun finally penetrated his finger. It had been a while. A very long while, he reminded himself.

“More.” Sehun moved his thumb slowly, the other four fingers caressing Kyungsoo’s balls. “Sehun…” It came out like a warning so Sehun pulled out his thumb and let his index invaded the older’s wall. It reached deeper and ignited a louder reaction. The younger man rested on his clean hand on Kyungsoo’s stomach and started rubbing the area lightly at the same time his middle finger joined the other one.

“You better be quick. I-I feel… feel like passing out.” Kyungsoo moaned louder when Sehun crooked his fingers, moving them up and down inside him, stretching his wall. Kyungsoo dropped his head frustratedly on the pillow when Sehun finally moved his fingers in scissoring motion, stretching his rim.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” The older totally got where that came from. Baekhyun had once straightforwardly expressed admiration for his manhood, but Sehun was not lacking at all. He was thick and just the right size. Just staring at the angry, red head slapping his hard abdomen made Kyungsoo released another stream of precum.

Sehun moved faster when four fingers were in, his penis was aching so much it was bordering painful. He feared they might fall off if he delayed it for another minute.

The real thing definitely hurt, the stretch always took a while to turn pleasurable. Kyungsoo intertwined their fingers and tightened his hold while Sehun kissed him everywhere. “Shh…” Sehun moved slowly until he was buried to the hilt, waiting for Kyungsoo to catch his breath. “Move.”

It was all he needed to start moving his hips. Sehun kissed Kyungsoo on the lips again, readily opened his mouth when he felt wet muscle prodding his swollen lips. Kyungsoo didn’t stop moaning and whining, the stretch felt perfect, and the way Sehun’s neatly trimmed pubic hair rubbing on his skin just heightened the sensation.

Sehun let Kyungsoo explored his mouth while he moved at a controlled pace. He didn’t want to come too soon although he already felt his muscles tightening. Sehun pulled away from the kiss and buried his face on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. The next thing he whispered almost got Kyungsoo’s heart stop and drop. “I love you.”

The younger pulled himself up, planting his hand beside Kyungsoo’s head, looking down to avoid Kyungsoo’s eyes. He knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t say anything but he needed to get it out. He was close. He quickened his pace and was about to pull out, but Kyungsoo suddenly clenched his wall, coming in streaks. The moment Sehun started filling him up, Kyungsoo’s orgasm intensified he almost screamed.

“Fuck… fuck.” Kyungsoo closed his eyes with his arms after squeezing the last bit of cum, hole gaping and leaking when Sehun pulled out. The latter fell to the empty space beside him, back turned to him. He rose from the bed after a few minutes, coming back with a wet towel moments later.

Kyungsoo was very close to dozing off he barely felt the warm fabric touching his chest. By the time Sehun finished cleaning up and throwing the towel in the hamper, Kyungsoo was already snoring lowly.

Sehun tucked himself in the bed right beside Kyungsoo. He moved the older into his arms since the bed barely fit the two of them. “I love you,” he confessed again.

Ψ

Sehun woke up when the clock on the opposite wall read 7:30 in the morning. His arm fell asleep, and only then he realised someone was in bed with him. He looked down and saw a familiar button nose smushed against his chest.

The memory from last night rushed into his head like angry bees. He felt pounding in his skull and grunted, waking the older man up.

“Are you alright?” He asked in an even deeper voice, blinking worriedly at him. Sehun threw his other arm over the man, pulling him tight against him. He sniffed on his hair. There was a faint scent of tangerine. “M’fine.”

They stayed like that for a while until Kyungsoo wiggled to break free. The man moved higher and rested his head on the pillow to level his eyes with Sehun.

“About last night-” He was immediately cut off by Sehun, “are you regretting it?” Kyungsoo looked dumbfounded, to say the least. “What?” The gears in his skull creaked as he tried to wash the sleep away and process the younger’s question. “No! Sehun, listen to me.” He winced when the hangover suddenly kicked in.

Sehun patiently waited for the man to continue, not moving his eyes away from the weary face. “I- I don’t love you-” Panic crossed Sehun’s face but Kyungsoo’s eyes were serious and giving him a warning. He tried to calm down. “Yet.” Kyungsoo put emphasis on the word. He needed to get used to Sehun’s paranoia.

Kyungsoo sighed, putting his hand on Sehun’s cheek. The younger started blushing when Kyungsoo started caressing his face gently with such endearment in his eyes. “But I like you. I don’t know when but I sure know I do. I was looking for you for months without knowing why.”

Sehun gently touched the hand on his face. “You’re my first…” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows teasingly that made Sehun avoided his eyes bashfully.

“I could see that,” he said teasingly. Sehun hit his arm, a whine slipped from his mouth. “Not just that… I never experienced any of this with anyone.” Kyungsoo caught exactly what the younger was hinting. His heart hurt, even more, knowing how similar yet different they are. “I couldn’t force my feeling, I’m still trying to start a new chapter. But I know I want you to be part of it. I’m ready to start it with you. I like you, Sehun. More than just a friend.” He tilted Sehun’s chin until the man looked him in the eye. “Look at me when I say it, Sehun. I like you. I like you and I want us to be more than who we were back then or a few hours ago. I hope you can give me time.”

Time. Sehun repeated the word in his head. He could try. “Okay. Okay.” The second one sounded more confident and made Kyungsoo’s face beamed. The older ruffled Sehun’s hair, messing his bed head that he looked like he just got electrocuted. “There, my favourite tangerine.”

Sehun didn’t regret bleaching his hair and going ginger. It seemed like he found out Kyungsoo’s favourite fruit.

Ψ

Kyungsoo returned a full year later. He made sure he didn’t stay at the hotel booked by his two best friends as to not ruin his surprise. Or surprises. He prepared a lot.

He arrived late and almost couldn’t get in if not for the man running after him with the invitation in his hand. The hotel worker nodded his head and let both of them in.

Baekhyun was the first to notice Kyungsoo, eyes the size of the quarter. Junmyeon wrapped his gloved hand over his husband’s before the champagne flute slipped from between his fingers. Baekhyun nudged his side, mouth pointing the entrance where two familiar men in matching outfits were at. Junmyeon squinted his eyes the moment Sehun finally spotted the grooms.

The tall, young man pointed excitedly to his left, pulling Kyungsoo with him.

“You came! Fucking asshole.” Junmyeon blinked back his tear as he punched Kyungsoo’s arm. The latter had been out of the radar for the whole week but here he was. “You too! Where have you been? How could you leave like that?” Junmyeon finally broke down when he turned to the man clad in black suit and turtleneck. Baekhyun wrapped his hand around his husband, patting his arm to calm him down.

“Who said you can grow your hair?” Junmyeon finally calmed down after Kyungsoo handed him a napkin. He tugged on the black hair falling over Sehun’s face, making the younger winced. “Hyung.” He raised his hand to rub on his scalp when something clicked in Baekhyun’s head as soon as he saw the bracelet shaped like a nail on Sehun’s wrist.

“Wait. Are you two a thing now?” Junmyeon stopped wiping his eyes whilst Kyungsoo shrugged nonchalantly. “Still human. Just older. Right?” He nudged at Sehun who was pouting, but he still nodded his head in agreement. “Engaged?” Junmyeon pulled Kyungsoo’s hand to his face, revealing a matching bracelet under his sleeve.

Panic crossed the couple’s face. “What? No!” Sehun denied quickly. “Not yet, at least,” Kyungsoo added. The grooms nodded their head, face filled with suspicion. “We got a lot of catching up to do.” Baekhyun teasingly squinted his eyes.

The grooms finally left the two after five minutes of teasing and ranting. Sehun lowered his head to whisper directly into his boyfriend’s ear, “not yet?” Kyungsoo pulled his hand out of his pocket, taking a hold on the taller’s hand. “Soon,” he replied teasingly, enjoying the surprise on Sehun’s face.

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -Victor Hugo

[devils-gatemedia]

If Friday night at Steelhouse was rough, Saturday night was simply atrocious. The dry weather previously meant that the Arena and camp sites were holding up well, but the sheer volume of water coming down and strength of the wind led to the organisers announcing that they were opening the arena early to enable people to shelter in the beer tent! This led to the arena actually being quite well populated when Black Star Riders were finally able to do their sound check and a good crowd enthusiastically cheered from the barriers.

At first, the news was that several of the earlier bands would be bumped to make up for the late start, but word soon started to seep through that the weather had led to further issues. Here things get contentious (and fact/ fiction and rumour difficult to unravel). First of these were The Quireboys, who had set out from Germany, but been redirected due to storms and were stranded in Croatia. Second were the Dead Daisies, who were stuck in… Derby! Apparently, their tour bus and gear had made it following their headline set in Yorkshire, but the band themselves didn’t, or were told not to as it was unsafe, or something else entirely but possibly involving helicopters!

So, late and damp, the remaining bands were given extended sets and the finish time was brought forward slightly. Not long after, the generous (and possibly unmatched in the history of festivals) gesture of reducing the price of a pint to £3 was made by the organisers, and the bar queues got longer.

First up were The Dust Coda, who started their set to a few fans and a crammed bar about 50 yards away. Starting a day at a festival is a tough ask at the best of times, and starting one after bad news and worse weather could have been a killer, but the guys impressed mightily with an edgy set.

Following them were local favourites Those Damn Crows, and it was clear that many present knew of them and their catalogue as the crowd deepened considerably. One of the great things about Steelhouse is the fact that you get to see young bands given an opportunity to play to pretty big crowds on bigger stages and the Crows made the most of that opportunity along with a longer set time. Destined for much bigger things if they can build material and use social media a la Stone Broken.

Time for the Scots next with Mason Hill. Most commenters on social media felt they played a blinder. Freely admitting their admiration of and influence by Chris Cornell one of the highlights is a storming version of Audioslave’s “Cochise”. Constantly referencing how overwhelmed they are to be here and to be so high up the bill with a longer set, we get tracks they don’t often get to bring out as well as their usual material. We also get a wonderful version of “Where I Belong” where the true quality of Scott Taylor’s vocals are gloriously apparent in a sing along with the crowd.

Talking to one of the stall holders, Massive Wagons were a band she intended to shut up shop and watch, so we anticipated something worth seeing. They didn’t disappoint. Leaping onto the stage, Barry Mills launched them into “Back To The Stack” and we were off. Nothing fancy, just good rock played well and with a bit of humour and energy, but on a wet and windy field it is perfect. It isn’t easy getting the crowds energy levels up. The weather draining and exhausting many, but of the young bands taking the stage this afternoon, they shine out as worth watching again in a smaller, more intimate setting.

In the weeks before the festival, several of the social media platforms had been commenting on Ginger Wildheart’s mental health (his Twitter feed was harrowing), and there were even concerns that it may cause The Wildhearts to cancel, so it was ironic that the two bands below him on the bill failed to take the stage but Ginger came out and provided the set of the weekend.

Whether it was by accident or design, once he knew the actions of other bands, he threw a total “Best of” set at us with an intensity that was almost anger (but still with a Geordie twinkle). Here is a man who lives to perform on stage, and being so close to him that you could feel the energy radiating off him was an utter pleasure. When you can open a set with “Sick Of Drugs” you are immediately on a winner. Follow it up with “TV Tan” and “My Baby Is A Headfuck” and you have some of the best rock and roll songs on the planet. Ginger isn’t impressed with other bands not appearing. In fact, he roasts one of them mercilessly. Lamenting how tough it must be to be so rich, he makes it a battle between rich American mega musicians and a Geordie with a guitar and a head full of songs, and wins by a knockout. His comment that bass player Danny McCormack got up there, and he only has one leg, left the crowd cheering and laughing. Some of his other comments are simply unprintable!

I hope that the fact that the musician who had been through the darkest time recently was on stage when the sun burst through, and the crowd turned to bask in it like lemurs, lifted him as much as it lifted us. It was simply non stop. Leaping, thrashing at his guitar, snarling out vocals and delivering clever, witty and tuneful song after another. “Geordie In Wonderland” is almost Pogue like, which in terms of song writing is the biggest compliment I can pay. They finish with “I Wanna Go Where The People Go” to leave the crowd breathless and me smiling like a loon.

To close the weekend we welcome Black Star Riders to the stage. After all the wind, rain, thunder and other challenges, somehow the sky stays clear, and it all seems to have built to this.

Every time I see this band they are more their own men and less the past. Their songs echo Lizzy, but are crafted in their own image and stand in their own right. As always, the set opens with Ricky Warwick, fist clenched and raised to the sky leading his men. Scott Gorham, clad in black and effortlessly cool to his right, Damon Johnson and Robbie Crane poised to his left, and Chad Szeliga (who managed the impossible, a brief and interesting drum solo) raised behind them between two walkways.

Their stagecraft is immaculate. Almost imperceptible signals bringing them to the front or crossing behind to play to each other’s crowds. Pairs, trios, and even foursomes forming and dissolving fluidly and they look like they are having great fun doing it.

Musically, they are en pointe. Gorham is a master of the riff, and the songs have that traditional Irish backbone. Solos are shared and brief, but classy. We get a few of the Lizzy classics; “Jailbreak” was a monster, “Boys Are Back In Town”, and of course “Whiskey In The Jar”, but most of the set is their own material with “Bound For Glory” best demonstrating the way they take the Lizzy heritage, yet write fresh and contemporary music. “Kingdom Of The Lost” as Irish a tune as they come.

The evening finishes with a firework display and it is almost impossible to remember just how physically tough some of the last three days have been due to the weather. As Black Star Riders are cheered from the stage, we slowly head back to pack and leave the mountain until next year.

There is something about Steelhouse that gets into your blood. It is far from perfect, but it’s not meant to be. It’s a festival on top of a mountain in Wales that is friendly, accessible, sensibly priced, and introduces you to great bands on a single stage with minimal down time. I only hope the battle with the elements and bands not turning up doesn’t cause any financial hardship and next year can be even bigger and better. The phrase “If you build, they will come” has never been so apt.

Photos: Rob Wilkins Review: Rob and Danielle Wilkins

Day one can be found here.  Day two here.

Review: Steelhouse Festival – Sunday If Friday night at Steelhouse was rough, Saturday night was simply atrocious. The dry weather previously meant that the Arena and camp sites were holding up well, but the sheer volume of water coming down and strength of the wind led to the organisers announcing that they were opening the arena early to enable people to shelter in the beer tent!