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Enterprise-Class Taxi Dispatch Platform — Fully Scalable, Globally DeployableSchedule a Strategic Demo with Our Enterprise Solutions TeamA turnkey mobility solution engineered for large-scale operations and mission-critical reliability. Our enterprise-ready taxi app ecosystem includes fully branded rider and driver applications, a centralized dispatch management console, real-time telematics, and compliance-ready integrations. Designed to meet the standards of multinational corporations, public sector fleets, and smart city initiatives, the platform is optimized for performance, security, and multi-region scalability.
#Enterprise taxi dispatch software#White-label taxi app solution#Ready-made taxi app for enterprises#Scalable ride-hailing platform#Corporate taxi booking system#Taxi dispatch system for MNCs#Mobility as a service platform#Fleet management software for enterprises#Taxi app development for enterprise clients#On-demand transport solution for businesses#Global taxi booking platform#Government taxi dispatch solution#Smart city mobility platform#Uber-like app for corporate fleets#Branded taxi booking system#Real-time GPS taxi tracking software#Multi-region taxi management solution#Secure taxi software with compliance#Taxi app SaaS platform#Workforce transportation management app
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AI in trucking is often misapplied to brokering. aifleet is proving that real efficiency gains come from smarter routing, scheduling, and driver experience.
#AI in trucking#AI-powered fleet scheduling#aifleet AI logistics#driver lifestyle logistics#El Khoury aifleet#fleet management innovation#innovation#Logistics#logistics scheduling AI#logistics tech startups#smart dispatch systems#transportation#trucking#trucking efficiency with AI#trucking startup innovation
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#practical automation#practical prompts#ai for everyday use#ai for everyday life#solopreneur strategy#time saving prompts#everyday ai#practical ai tools#smart productivity#prompt engineering#brash digital dispatch
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Stock Management Software
Stock Management Software at mSELL is designed to streamline and automate your stock and dispatch operations. It provides real-time tracking, accurate inventory control, and efficient dispatch management to help businesses reduce errors, improve productivity, and maintain optimal stock levels with ease.
#Stock Management#Management Software#Smart Stock Dispatch#mSELL Stock Solution#Efficient Stock Management
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words for when your characters get into a fight (pt. 4)
Pain
ache, anesthesia/anaesthesia, distress, harassment, hurt, pinch, strain, suffer, torture, wrong
Attack
aggression, assail, beat up, blast, blind-side, bomb, brutality, charge, come at, coup d’état, embroil, encroach, fire, foray, go for, infest, insurrection, invasion, lay into, mug, occupation, offensive, onslaught, overrun, pillage, pounce, raid, ravage, rush, sortie, subvert, waylay
To destroy
ablate, abolition, annul, batter, bomb, bring down, burst, butcher, clobber, come unglued, consumption, coup de grâce, crumple, cut down, decimate, deforestation, demolition, desecrate, desolate, devastate, dismantle, dispatch, do away with, do in, end, endanger, eradicate, erosion, execute, expunge, exterminate, extinguish, finish, genocide, hara-kiri, homicide, jeopardize, kill, knock off, liquidate, mangle, massacre, murder, obliterate, paralyze, pillage, poison, prostrate, pulverize, put away, put out, quench, raze, ruin, sack, shiver, slaughter, smash, stamp out, subdue, suppress, undo, vandalism, violation, wipe out, wreck
To injure
abuse, ail, batter, beat, bruise, cost, crush, debilitate, deface, deform, desecrate, devastate, disagree, disfigure, expose, fragment, gripe, handicap, hurt, incapacitate, jeopardize, lacerate, maim, mar, mistreat, mutilate, outrage, paralyze, poison, pummel, repay, ruin, sabotage, scar, shatter, shoot, smart, snap, spoil, stress, taint, torture, turn, violate, vitiate, wrong
To make dirty
adulterate, clutter, mess up, smudge, stain, tarnish
To make hot or cold
air, chill, freeze, heat, melt, numb, refrigerate, shrivel, warm
To make wet
absorb, dampen, dip, drench, drool, dunk, extinguish, marinate, oil, permeate, saturate, souse, splash, spray, squirt, submerge
Military action
barrage, blow up, conflict, coup d’état, deploy, deposition, dethrone, disarm, draft, engage, enlist, explosion, incursion, induction, invade, maneuver, occupation, offensive, overthrow, rebellion, revolt, salute, station, volley, warfare
Bad person
accessory, accurser, adversary, aggressor, alarmist, antagonist, ass, assassin, authoritarian, barbarian, bigmouth, bottom feeder, bum, burglar, cad, captive, charlatan, clod, cold fish, conspirator, criminal, crook, culprit, deadbeat, delinquent, demon, derelict, desperado, devil, dirty old man, dolt, do-nothing, dope, dregs, drone, dumbbell, dunce, enemy, espionage, exile, failure, fall guy, femme fatale, fighter, firebrand, fool, fugitive, gangster, glutton, good-for-nothing, gossip, grump, hellion, hobo, hot dog, hypocrite, imbecile, impostor, incubus, insurgent, intruder, Judas, killer, klutz, know-it-all, lawbreaker, lemon, loafer, loser, lummox, mad person, maniac, menace, misanthrope, miser, mole, mountebank, naysayer, ne’ er-do-well, nuisance, nut, ogre, organized crime, parasite, pawn, pessimist, pill, placebo, prodigal, prostitute, psychopath, quack, rascal, renegade, rogue, ruffian, sap, scamp, schlemiel, Scrooge, shirked, shyster, simpleton, skinflint, sleazebag, sneak, sourpuss, spy, swindler, tattletale/tattler, thug, tool, traitor, troll, truant, tyrant, vandal, wanton, whipping boy, wimp, witch
NOTE
The above are concepts classified according to subject and usage. It not only helps writers and thinkers to organize their ideas but leads them from those very ideas to the words that can best express them.
It was, in part, created to turn an idea into a specific word. By linking together the main entries that share similar concepts, the index makes possible creative semantic connections between words in our language, stimulating thought and broadening vocabulary. Writing Resources PDFs
Source ⚜ Writing Basics & Refreshers ⚜ On Vocabulary Writing Notes: Fight Scenes ⚜ Word Lists: Fight ⚜ Pain
#vocabulary#langblr#writeblr#writing reference#spilled ink#creative writing#dark academia#writers on tumblr#poets on tumblr#poetry#literature#writing tips#writing prompt#writing#words#lit#studyblr#fiction#light academia#fight scene#writing resources
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Smart Load Management: Your Key to Operational Excellence. iTruck Dispatch brings you the tools and expertise to master the art of load management. Elevate your logistics game and ensure your business runs smoothly.
#Load Management#Freight Planning#Load Assignment#Logistics Optimization#Smart Load Planning#Efficient Dispatch
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How lock-in hurts design
Berliners: Otherland has added a second date (Jan 28) for my book-talk after the first one sold out - book now!
If you've ever read about design, you've probably encountered the idea of "paving the desire path." A "desire path" is an erosion path created by people departing from the official walkway and taking their own route. The story goes that smart campus planners don't fight the desire paths laid down by students; they pave them, formalizing the route that their constituents have voted for with their feet.
Desire paths aren't always great (Wikipedia notes that "desire paths sometimes cut through sensitive habitats and exclusion zones, threatening wildlife and park security"), but in the context of design, a desire path is a way that users communicate with designers, creating a feedback loop between those two groups. The designers make a product, the users use it in ways that surprise the designer, and the designer integrates all that into a new revision of the product.
This method is widely heralded as a means of "co-innovating" between users and companies. Designers who practice the method are lauded for their humility, their willingness to learn from their users. Tech history is strewn with examples of successful paved desire-paths.
Take John Deere. While today the company is notorious for its war on its customers (via its opposition to right to repair), Deere was once a leader in co-innovation, dispatching roving field engineers to visit farms and learn how farmers had modified their tractors. The best of these modifications would then be worked into the next round of tractor designs, in a virtuous cycle:
https://securityledger.com/2019/03/opinion-my-grandfathers-john-deere-would-support-our-right-to-repair/
But this pattern is even more pronounced in the digital world, because it's much easier to update a digital service than it is to update all the tractors in the field, especially if that service is cloud-based, meaning you can modify the back-end everyone is instantly updated. The most celebrated example of this co-creation is Twitter, whose users created a host of its core features.
Retweets, for example, were a user creation. Users who saw something they liked on the service would type "RT" and paste the text and the link into a new tweet composition window. Same for quote-tweets: users copied the URL for a tweet and pasted it in below their own commentary. Twitter designers observed this user innovation and formalized it, turning it into part of Twitter's core feature-set.
Companies are obsessed with discovering digital desire paths. They pay fortunes for analytics software to produce maps of how their users interact with their services, run focus groups, even embed sneaky screen-recording software into their web-pages:
https://www.wired.com/story/the-dark-side-of-replay-sessions-that-record-your-every-move-online/
This relentless surveillance of users is pursued in the name of making things better for them: let us spy on you and we'll figure out where your pain-points and friction are coming from, and remove those. We all win!
But this impulse is a world apart from the humility and respect implied by co-innovation. The constant, nonconsensual observation of users has more to do with controlling users than learning from them.
That is, after all, the ethos of modern technology: the more control a company can exert over its users ,the more value it can transfer from those users to its shareholders. That's the key to enshittification, the ubiquitous platform decay that has degraded virtually all the technology we use, making it worse every day:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/
When you are seeking to control users, the desire paths they create are all too frequently a means to wrestling control back from you. Take advertising: every time a service makes its ads more obnoxious and invasive, it creates an incentive for its users to search for "how do I install an ad-blocker":
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/adblocking-how-about-nah
More than half of all web-users have installed ad-blockers. It's the largest consumer boycott in human history:
https://doc.searls.com/2023/11/11/how-is-the-worlds-biggest-boycott-doing/
But zero app users have installed ad-blockers, because reverse-engineering an app requires that you bypass its encryption, triggering liability under Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. This law provides for a $500,000 fine and a 5-year prison sentence for "circumvention" of access controls:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/12/youre-holding-it-wrong/#if-dishwashers-were-iphones
Beyond that, modifying an app creates liability under copyright, trademark, patent, trade secrets, noncompete, nondisclosure and so on. It's what Jay Freeman calls "felony contempt of business model":
https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/
This is why services are so horny to drive you to install their app rather using their websites: they are trying to get you to do something that, given your druthers, you would prefer not to do. They want to force you to exit through the gift shop, you want to carve a desire path straight to the parking lot. Apps let them mobilize the law to literally criminalize those desire paths.
An app is just a web-page wrapped in enough IP to make it a felony to block ads in it (or do anything else that wrestles value back from a company). Apps are web-pages where everything not forbidden is mandatory.
Seen in this light, an app is a way to wage war on desire paths, to abandon the cooperative model for co-innovation in favor of the adversarial model of user control and extraction.
Corporate apologists like to claim that the proliferation of apps proves that users like them. Neoliberal economists love the idea that business as usual represents a "revealed preference." This is an intellectually unserious tautology: "you do this, so you must like it":
https://boingboing.net/2024/01/22/hp-ceo-says-customers-are-a-bad-investment-unless-they-can-be-made-to-buy-companys-drm-ink-cartridges.html
Calling an action where no alternatives are permissible a "preference" or a "choice" is a cheap trick – especially when considered against the "preferences" that reveal themselves when a real choice is possible. Take commercial surveillance: when Apple gave Ios users a choice about being spied on – a one-click opt of of app-based surveillance – 96% of users choice no spying:
https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2021/05/96-of-us-users-opt-out-of-app-tracking-in-ios-14-5-analytics-find/
But then Apple started spying on those very same users that had opted out of spying by Facebook and other Apple competitors:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar
Neoclassical economists aren't just obsessed with revealed preferences – they also love to bandy about the idea of "moral hazard": economic arrangements that tempt people to be dishonest. This is typically applied to the public ("consumers" in the contemptuous parlance of econospeak). But apps are pure moral hazard – for corporations. The ability to prohibit desire paths – and literally imprison rivals who help your users thwart those prohibitions – is too tempting for companies to resist.
The fact that the majority of web users block ads reveals a strong preference for not being spied on ("users just want relevant ads" is such an obvious lie that doesn't merit any serious discussion):
https://www.iccl.ie/news/82-of-the-irish-public-wants-big-techs-toxic-algorithms-switched-off/
Giant companies attained their scale by learning from their users, not by thwarting them. The person using technology always knows something about what they need to do and how they want to do it that the designers can never anticipate. This is especially true of people who are unlike those designers – people who live on the other side of the world, or the other side of the economic divide, or whose bodies don't work the way that the designers' bodies do:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/20/benevolent-dictators/#felony-contempt-of-business-model
Apps – and other technologies that are locked down so their users can be locked in – are the height of technological arrogance. They embody a belief that users are to be told, not heard. If a user wants to do something that the designer didn't anticipate, that's the user's fault:
https://www.wired.com/2010/06/iphone-4-holding-it-wrong/
Corporate enthusiasm for prohibiting you from reconfiguring the tools you use to suit your needs is a declaration of the end of history. "Sure," John Deere execs say, "we once learned from farmers by observing how they modified their tractors. But today's farmers are so much stupider and we are so much smarter that we have nothing to learn from them anymore."
Spying on your users to control them is a poor substitute asking your users their permission to learn from them. Without technological self-determination, preferences can't be revealed. Without the right to seize the means of computation, the desire paths never emerge, leaving designers in the dark about what users really want.
Our policymakers swear loyalty to "innovation" but when corporations ask for the right to decide who can innovate and how, they fall all over themselves to create laws that let companies punish users for the crime of contempt of business-model.
I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/24/everything-not-mandatory/#is-prohibited
Image: Belem (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Desire_path_%2819811581366%29.jpg
CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en
#pluralistic#desire paths#design#drm#everything not mandatory is prohibited#apps#ip#innovation#user innovation#technological self-determination#john deere#twitter#felony contempt of business model
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“You Could’ve Knocked” (Gojo Satoru x f!Reader | established relationship, light angst, fluff, smut | new relationship, accidental nudity, embarrassment, soft dom Gojo, flustered reader, aftercare)
Gojo exorcised the curse like it was nothing, because, well, it was.
A minor pest, nothing more than a B-grade larva hiding out in an old school building. The only reason he was even dispatched for it was proximity. But the damn thing had a mouth on it, and it talked. Not the kind of talking curses usually did, not the usual mindless threats and whining.
No, this one knew things.
“Such a pretty little thing, that girl of yours,” it had hissed from the dark corner before Gojo vaporized it with a flick of his fingers. “Bet she screams real nice when she’s scared…”
He didn’t give it a chance to say more.
And it didn’t get to him, not really. Not in the moment. But the second the silence returned and the school felt empty again—he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It wasn’t that he believed it, he knew you weren’t in danger. You were safely at home, probably eating cereal and watching shitty TV in your pajamas.
But what if you weren’t?
What if some curse had followed him, sniffed you out, found some crack in the protection barriers, what if what if what if—
Next thing he knew, he was standing in your living room. No warning. No text. No knock.
Just: bam—teleported straight into your apartment.
It was quiet. Comfortably warm. The scent of your shampoo lingered faintly in the air.
And then—
“WHAT THE FUCK?!”
You rounded the corner from your bathroom completely naked, towel in your hands and another ruffling over your damp hair. Water still dripped down the curve of your back, your skin glowing under the soft lights. The second you saw him, you froze mid-step, both of you locking eyes like deer in headlights.
There was a beat of silence.
Then chaos.
“GOJO!”
“I—I didn’t mean to—!” His hands shot up defensively, but his eyes were absolutely looking before he even realized it. “Wait, waitwaitwait—shit, I didn’t know you were—!”
You shrieked, scrambling to cover yourself with the nearest towel, one leg bent awkwardly behind the wall. “Are you fucking kidding me?! What the hell are you doing?! Pervert!”
He staggered back like you slapped him. “No! No—I swear I wasn’t trying to peep! I just—God, wait—don’t kill me—!”
You flung a wet loofah at his face, which he expertly dodged with a yelp.
He looked red. Not just blushing, but full-body, secondhand embarrassment red.
And of course, the idiot tried to joke.
“You know… for what it’s worth, you looked really—OW! Okay, okay! I deserved that!”
You had thrown your conditioner bottle this time. He ducked again.
“You teleport into my apartment without knocking, see me butt ass naked, compliment me, and expect to live?!”
“I panicked! I thought you might be in danger!”
“From what, a rogue towel?!”
“No, no, there was this curse—it said your name and I got paranoid, okay?! I needed to see you were okay—”
“You couldn’t have called?!”
“I—yeah, okay, I see that now. That would’ve been smart.”
You glared at him, clutching your towel tightly around you.
“I should kill you,” you muttered.
Gojo pouted like a kicked puppy. “Or, you know… maybe just never let me see you again?”
You sighed, dragging your hand down your face. “You’re lucky we just started dating. I don’t even know if this counts as your first strike or your last.”
He nodded solemnly. “Fair.”
You turned slightly, planning to storm off and get changed, but the shift of your body made the towel slip slightly, and you shrieked, yanking it back up to your chest.
Gojo visibly flinched, spinning on his heel like he’d been caught red-handed again.
“You’re still staring!”
“I’M NOT-I’m not—I swear—!”
You crossed your arms over your chest, still fuming. “Don’t you ever break into my place like that again.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
He looked thoroughly scolded. Ears pink. Shoulders hunched. You’d never seen him so sheepish.
You stared at him for a second longer, lips pursed… until you realized: you were still dripping, still in a towel, still ridiculously exposed and awkward.
A new wave of heat rushed to your cheeks. “Oh my god,” you mumbled, backing away, “this is humiliating.”
Gojo’s voice softened, gaze flicking back to you, less like he was ogling and more like he just liked looking at you. “You have nothing to be ashamed of,” he said gently.
You paused, glancing up.
He stepped forward, slow, slow enough to give you time to stop him. Your fingers twitched on the towel, but you didn’t move.
“Why are you getting closer?” you whispered.
“I dunno,” he said quietly. “You smell good.”
You blinked, startled. “What?”
He flushed. “Like… fresh. Like your shampoo or whatever. I sound like a pervert again, don’t I?”
You raised an eyebrow. “You are a pervert.”
“Not on purpose.”
You huffed a small laugh, still pink in the cheeks.
Then he took another step forward.
His hand reached up, brushing your damp hair behind your ear.
“Can I kiss you?”
Your heart stuttered. “Now?”
“You can tell me no.”
You hesitated, still holding your towel like a barrier, but after a breath, you nodded.
He leaned in slowly. Soft. Deep. His mouth was warm against yours, tasting like breathless apologies and stupid affection. He tilted his head, nudging you backward a step, one hand finding your hip.
Your breath hitched.
His fingers grazed the top of your towel, and it slipped slightly down your chest.
You gasped, trying to yank it back up, but he caught your wrist gently.
“Don’t,” he whispered. “Please. You’re perfect.”
Your lips parted. “You’re such a pervert.”
“I asked, didn’t I?”
Then you dropped the towel.
And he froze.
“Holy shit,” he breathed.
You swallowed hard, tugging him back by the collar of his jacket. “Make it worth the embarrassment.”
And he did. NSFW below
He kissed you again, harder this time, like the dam had finally broken. His hands roamed your waist, your hips, memorising every inch of skin now that you’d let him.
Your fingers tangled in his hair as he walked you backward, gently pressing you up against the cool wall. Your bare chest brushed against his shirt, your nipples pebbling from the contrast, and you whimpered into his mouth.
“Tell me if I need to stop,” he murmured between kisses.
“Don’t even think about stopping.”
He grinned, that cocky little lopsided smirk returning as his mouth dipped down to your throat. He licked over your collarbone, bit gently at the curve of your shoulder. Your knees wobbled.
Then he dropped to his knees.
“What are you—”
“Shh,” he said, kissing your stomach. “You said I was a pervert, right? Might as well earn it.”
Your breath caught as he hooked a leg over his shoulder, his tongue dragging up your inner thigh.
“Gojo—fuck—”
He licked over your folds once, twice, teasing, slow, then sucked your clit with just enough pressure to make your whole body arch.
You gasped, hand flying to the back of his head, the soft strands of his hair tangling between your fingers.
“You taste like heaven,” he muttered.
“Y-you’re insufferable,” you moaned, thighs trembling.
He licked you until you were shaking. Until your legs almost gave out. Until the embarrassment melted into desire and you couldn’t think of anything except how good his tongue felt and how hot his mouth was against your skin.
When he finally stood back up, his mouth was shiny, his eyes dark.
You pulled him in for another kiss, tasting yourself on his lips, and whimpered when you felt the hard length of him pressing against your belly.
“You still mad at me?” he whispered, unzipping his pants.
“Ask again after you fuck me.”
#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x reader#satoru smut#satoru gojo smut#jjk smut#satoru fluff#satoru x female reader#gojo x f!reader#satoru gojo x female reader#jjk x reader#gojo smut#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#jujustu kaisen#jjk x reader smut#gojou satoru x reader#jjk gojo#gojo x you#gojo satoru x you#gojo x reader smut#satoru gojo x you#jujutsu kaisen smut
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Based on harem member SY au
Sy is basically the empress in the shadows, the unofficial empress (but he doesn't know that)
He's the one that takes care of majority of the wives while the emperor's away.
Bingge always thought it was his first 3 that takes care of them and the rest vying for his attention. And while true, the first 3 has the councils authority, the final say, rules the kingdom and uphold the rules of palace while the delusional wives lie, cheat, and sabotage to sit next to their husband
It was sy who kept the peace of majority of them. The wives who are smart enough to realize quickly (or slowly) they were just thrown away. He's the one that helps their hometown in their time of need, listens attentively about their home, stories, and rants, suggests way to revitalize their homes, and new found economy. Especially when the world's been merged and many homes struggle with beasts, demons, and making ends meet. Sy was there, with his emence amount of knowledge and emphaty helps them find happiness again even trapped behind walls.
(And when they had children, he was the one who welcomed them with open arm when their husband left them once more)
Bingge, who has just returned from his horrid trip to the other world, noticed he wasn't happy, wasn't loved, and went out to search for his own shizun not knowing he was already there all along
(not that the wives would let him. Both good and bad wives wish to keep him out of their husband's sight. For the good, sy is too good for their husband. For the bad, they know they'll lose by a landslide if they meet. And if they killed him, the other wives and their children would be out for blood)
I think Ning Yingying as first wife is very helpful and always there for her fellow wives but at the end of the day there's only so much she can do without going against Binghe’s rules. Shen Yuan isn't first wife and therefore has more freedom, so wives can go to him for more nuanced situations
For example:
Random wife is being stalked -> she goes to Yingying, who will immediately dispatch a guard to kill anyone who dares harass a wife of the emperor
Wife's brother wants to save her from the castle -> if yingying hears about this, it's her duty to have the man killed regardless of what she personally wants to do. Even if the woman isn't in danger and doesn't want her brother dead, that's just what happens if you try to take a wife away from the emperor and it's a rule Luo Binghe says she must enforce. For a situation like this the wife would go to shen yuan instead of the first wife, and shen yuan would deliver a letter or arrange a secret meeting for them.
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firefighter! billie x police officer! reader



smut ୨ৎ
a/n: this au is so fun to write for
the radio crackles, and you barely catch the dispatcher’s words over the thudding in your head. sirens wail in the distance. smoke stains the sky in angry plumes behind you.
and then—her.
“get in the damn truck, y/n.”
you whirl, lips already curling. “excuse me? i don’t report to you, firegirl.”
billie eilish, six feet of ash-streaked, suit-clad muscle, gear slung over her shoulder like she owns the place, narrows her eyes at you. “you’re not staying here. that structure’s unstable. i’m under orders to escort you out.”
you scoff, shifting your weight like you might bolt anyway. “i'm under my own orders, thanks. you haul hoses, i haul criminals. stay in your lane.”
billie steps in front of you, close enough to feel the heat still radiating off her. “you gonna pull rank with me while the floor collapses under your feet? is this a cop thing or just your ego again?”
you cross your arms. “it’s called knowing what i can handle.”
she mutters something under her breath that sounds an awful lot like “fucking brat,” then grabs your wrist. not hard, but firm. unyielding.
you glare, but she doesn't even blink.
“fine,” you bite. “chauffeur me then. better make it fun.”
the ride is short and so not silent.
"you drive like a grandma," you mutter, legs propped on her dash, boots scuffed from the chaos you just came from.
“you threaten to get yourself killed for attention,” billie fires back, deadpan.
you grin. “maybe i just like it when you get all bossy.”
that earns you a side glance, jaw ticking. her knuckles flex on the wheel, turning white. you see the annoyance evident in her face, you smirk slightly to yourself.
she pulls into an empty lot. the sun’s dipping low now, turning smoke to gold. she slams the truck into park.
“out,” she says.
you tilt your head. “what, no coffee first?”
her door slams before you can finish. you scramble out, heart hammering with something that’s not adrenaline, not quite.
you round on her. “what’s your problem?”
“you.” billie’s on you in three strides. not touching—just towering, pinning you with that calm fury she’s always so good at hiding. angry but calm. “you act like it’s all a game. like if you flirt enough or talk back enough, no one’ll notice you almost got buried in that collapse.”
“i had it handled,” you lie.
her eyes burn. “no, you didn’t. you were three feet from a support beam that split like a toothpick.” she grabs your vest, pulling you flush against her, “yet you just kept whining like a dumb girl. thought you had to be smart for this job, princess?”
you blink, breath caught in your throat. “maybe i did.”
something shifts. billie’s gaze drops to your mouth, then back to your eyes.
“you want me to put you in your place, officer? need a knight in shining armor, so you can be treated like a princess?” she murmurs, low and rough. “because you’re pushing me.”
you’re silent. then, very softly, “what if i want to be pushed?”
her lips curve. not a smile—something darker.
billie’s hand tightens in your vest, yanking you forward until your chest collides with hers. her voice is a low, dangerous rasp. “you’re lucky i’m off shift.”
“you’re lucky i’m still in uniform,” you shoot back, half-grinning, half-breathless.
she spins you before you can blink, shoving you back against the side of the truck, the cool metal kissing your spine through your shirt. her thigh slots between yours, pinning you in place. she’s not rough—just controlled. calculated. like she’s waited for this moment and she’s going to savor it.
“i should make you beg,” she murmurs, lips brushing your jaw, her breath hot. “you run your mouth like you don’t know what happens when someone finally calls your bluff.”
you’re trembling and you hate it—or you would, if it didn’t feel so fucking good. you grind against her thigh, just once. “maybe i want to beg.”
billie chuckles darkly. “brat.”
her hand slides under your vest, fingers dancing over your waist, up your ribs, until they settle just under the edge of your bra. “you gonna be a good girl now?”
you arch into her touch. “depends. you gonna finally shut me up?”
that’s all it takes. her lips crash onto yours, all heat and frustration, tongue sliding into your mouth like she owns it. you moan, one hand gripping her gear strap, the other tangling in her damp hair. she tastes like smoke and sweat and something distinctly her.
she breaks the kiss just long enough to tug your vest off and unclip your duty belt, letting it fall with a heavy clunk onto the cracked pavement. her hands find the hem of your shirt, and she pauses.
“say it again.”
you meet her eyes, breathless. “yes.”
your shirt’s gone in seconds.
her mouth trails fire down your neck, over your chest, until she latches onto your nipple through the lace of your bra. you hiss, back arching, grinding harder against her thigh now. she groans low in her throat, pressing you harder into the truck, her thigh flexing between yours. you’re soaked, and she knows it.
billie pulls back, lips swollen, pupils blown wide. “you get off on disobeying me?”
you pant, smirking through it. “only when it ends like this.”
she pushes your legs apart with her knee, dragging her fingers down the front of your pants. “keep talking, and i’ll leave you here all desperate and dripping for me.”
you don’t stop. “promises, promises.”
her hand slips past your waistband, under your panties, and then, finally, her fingers slide over your clit, slow and deliberate.
your smart mouth falls open with a sharp gasp.
she grins. “that shut you up, huh?”
and it does. because billie works you like she’s got you mapped out, her fingers circling just right, sliding lower to tease your entrance. you’re squirming, moaning into her neck as she pushes two fingers inside you without warning.
“god, you’re tight,” she growls. “and so fucking wet.”
you’re gasping, thighs shaking, the edge coming fast and hot. she hooks her fingers just right, grinding her palm against your clit, and it’s too much.
“billie—fuck—”
she clamps her hand over your mouth, smirking. “what was that, officer? can’t hear you.”

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Call Me Sometime - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic
You work the dispatch desk at a phone sex line to make ends meet, and you're used to handling some strange calls. But the caller you're babysitting tonight is the strangest by far -- and that's before you find out why he called.
Your headset is making your ear hurt, but you know you’ll get a call the instant you take it off, and your boss has this thing about dropped calls. The meter on each session starts running the instant the client is approved by the screener, and why Mizuho can’t do this part, too, you’ll never understand. Her quirk lets her pick up a variety of useful information just from hearing someone’s voice, but she’s only interested in three pieces – their sexual orientation, their price point, and their age. If the latter two check out, she fills in the third and routes the call to you, and it’s your job to match the client with the appropriate phone sex operator.
It’s not your job to talk to the clients. But the meter’s running once they pass the screener, and more often than not, they’re paying to talk to a woman. During busy times, when all the other operators are occupied and there’s a client on hold, that woman is you.
You’re nineteen, technically too young for a job like this one. You were younger when you were hired. The head of the agency, Souma – she makes everyone call her Akiko, like you’re friends or something – knew that when she sought you out, but you didn’t know she knew. Midway through the interview, when she was talking about the solid pay rate and flexible hours, you brought it up. “You know I’m eighteen, right?”
“That’s why I want you,” she said, her smile sharp-toothed, and you blinked. “Our clients are perverts of the first order, and they get off on doing what they aren’t supposed to. Even if there’s nothing sexual about your conversations with them – even if you’re telling them to hold while you route their call – knowing that they’re talking to an underage girl will get them going.”
“That’s gross,” you said, for lack of anything better. Akiko nodded. She was applying lipstick, checking it in a compact mirror, although you know now that the mirror itself contains a device that jams surveillance equipment. Your boss doesn’t take risks, and neither do you – which is why you were so hesitant to take the job. “I don’t have to – do anything. I’d just route the calls and chat when they have to hold longer than two minutes.”
“That’s right,” Akiko said. She smiled at you. “Are we doing this? I’ll put you on the payroll right now.”
You wanted to be on the payroll. The pay rate was twice as much as you could get anywhere else, and you needed the money. But you had another question. Two questions. “You know I’m quirkless?”
“So what? You don’t need a quirk to answer phones.”
You breathed a sigh of relief, and even then, you were smart enough not to let her see it. “There are other girls my age you could get to do this. Ones who’d be – better at it.”
“You mean my fellow sluts?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what you meant,” Akiko said, and kept talking when you protested. “It’s all right, darling. We’re all sluts here.”
“It’s not what I meant,” you repeated. “There are other girls who’d be better at it. Why me?”
“Mm.” Akiko studied you. Six months later, you still remember the way your skin crawled under her gaze. “You know how to sound high-class, and you sound innocent. But the questions you ask tell me that you’re sharp enough to handle a job like this. And you need the money badly enough to know that you can’t say no. Are you in or are you out?”
You were in. You felt like you were walking into a trap, but you were in, and you’re still in now. Which is why you don’t take your headset off, even when it hurts your ear. Which is why, when a call comes in and you see that every operator has at least two minutes left in their current session, you hit accept and sit up a little straighter in your chair. “Good evening, sir. Welcome to Shiroiwa Services. I’m not your conversational partner for the evening, but I’d love to keep you company while you’re waiting.”
“What are you wearing?”
You sigh inwardly and make a checkmark in the notepad where you keep track of terrible opening lines. You get that one about seventy percent of the time, and you increase the pitch of your voice ever so slightly as you pull up the caller’s details. “Why do you want to know?”
“So I can picture you just right.”
Gross. The client’s in his fifties, and Mizuho’s been nice enough to give you a heads-up that he’s married – and when he’s called in before, he’s wanted to talk to young-sounding operators. “Just my uniform, sir,” you say. You give a beat, then follow up. “My school uniform.”
You’re lying. You work strictly back of house, and right now you’re wearing sweatpants, flip-flops, and a shirt you stole from one of the operators that says ‘men’s tits’ on it. But the guy on the phone doesn’t know that. “A schoolgirl,” he says, and you can practically hear him drooling into the phone. “Does your daddy know what you’re doing right now?”
Your daddy’s probably calling a phone sex line as you speak. You know for a fact that he’s too poor to afford Shiroiwa, but you still live in fear of the day where you have to transfer his call. “No, sir,” you say. “Please don’t tell him. It can be our secret. I’m really good at keeping secrets.”
Before the client can say anything else, a green light pops up on your screen – Minami is open for business. Perfect. “It’s been so nice to speak with you, sir. I’ll transfer you to Minami presently. Have a sensational evening!”
The client dallies a little bit, hinting that he’d rather talk to you than Minami, but you shake him off in fifteen seconds or less and finally pry your headset off your ear. Then you flop facedown on your desk. You hate your job. You love that it pays, but you really, really, really hate your job. “Ugh.”
“Heard you on the phone.” Haruka, one of the escorts, punches you in the arm on her way out the door to meet the car that will take her to tonight’s engagement. She puts on a high-pitched voice. “I’m really good at keeping secrets –”
“What was I supposed to do? I can’t talk about how horny I am. That’s illegal.”
“For another eight months. Then we’ll get you.”
“You wish.” Eight months from now, you’ll be out of here. You think. You hope. As your headset lights up with another call, you might actually pray.
You wanted to be a doctor, but that takes money – and although nobody will admit it, it takes a quirk. Nursing school is less expensive, but once again, no nursing school likes to take on quirkless students. It pisses you off to think about it. Sure, some quirks are suited to the medical field, but a guy with a quirk that lets him blow bubbles with his own snot isn’t any more suited to be a nurse than you are with no quirk at all. But thinking that way lies madness, so you turned to the rest of the field and found your dream job. Dynamic. In high demand. Still expensive, but cheaper than everything else. EMT school. You’re going to be a paramedic, and doing office work for a high-end sex service is how you’re going to pay for it.
You route three more calls, babysit one client who wants to know what you’re wearing and how much of it you’ll take off, and confirm addresses and code phrases for three of the escorts before they head out. There are three tiers of service at Shiroiwa. At the top are the real escorts – Akiko, Mayumi, Sakura, Kyoko, Akane, the ones who go out on dates and pull in big money. Then there are the ones who work as servers and dancers at fancy parties – Takako, Yukie, Keiko, and a whole bunch of others whose names you keep forgetting. There are a lot of them. Then there are the phone and chat sex operators, of which there are even more, and all the way down under the foundations of the pyramid, there’s you.
Your job, as Akiko puts it, is to fill the holes. Every place where a detail or a client might fall through the cracks, that’s where you’re supposed to be to catch them. It keeps you on your toes. You tell yourself that it’s good practice for the job you really want to do, and some nights, you almost believe it.
Saturday night is busy, but there are lulls here and there, and whenever there’s a lull, you take out your textbook and do a little studying. You’re decent at biology, but it takes work, and you need to pass your entrance exam to EMT school on your first try. You’re in the middle of familiarizing yourself with all the parts of the limbic system when your headset starts beeping – and when you check your screen, you see that every single operator is busy. Again.
You get paid a flat hourly rate, but you really should negotiate that up for nights you spend keeping clients occupied while they wait. You answer the phone and run through your spiel – your operator’s not ready yet, but I’m here, and I’m super psyched to talk to a weirdo just like you – and wait for the inevitable question about what you’re wearing. You wait. And wait.
And keep waiting, so long that you start to wonder if the call’s dropped when you weren’t looking. That, or the client got so wound up hearing a woman’s voice on the phone that they had a heart attack and died. You try again. “Hello?”
The call’s still live. You hear your voice echo on the other end of the line, and when you listen closer, you can hear someone breathing. Breathing sort of heavily. Great. “You know I get paid whether you talk or not, right?”
Oops. You shouldn’t have said that. Akiko will be pissed, and if whoever this is pays up, does it really matter if he says anything? Maybe he just wants to breathe heavily into the phone until time’s up. You’d like to thing you can sit quietly while some guy does – something – to the sound of your breathing on your end of the line, but it turns out that’s beyond your power to cope with. “Um, do you want to know what I’m wearing?”
“What?”
“Clients usually ask that,” you say, trying to cover your shock. This client sounds young. Shiroiwa’s price point is so high that next to none of the clients are younger than forty, but this guy sounds like he’s barely out of high school. You should know. You’re barely out of high school yourself. “They want to know what I’m wearing so they can – um, imagine a little better.”
Silence. The breathing sounds a little less heavy and a little more hyperventilating, and you resist the urge to bang your head on the table with an effort. Why do you always get stuck with the weird ones? “So, like I said, I’m not actually the person you’re supposed to talk to. I’m just here to keep you company until your partner’s ready for you. We don’t have to talk at all.”
You’re rapidly coming to the conclusion that not talking is the best outcome for this situation. You and the client can pretend each other isn’t there until you can transfer him to somebody else, somebody who’s good with the weird ones or the shy ones. Rika, maybe. She’s good at bringing clients out of their shells. The fact that she and you and anybody else who listens in wishes they’d never come out of their shells in the first place doesn’t really matter.
“Who are you, then?” The raspy voice is in your ear again. “If you’re not who I’m supposed to talk to.”
“I’m admin. Kind of a secretary.” You kick yourself instantly for the choice of words. “Not the sexy kind of secretary. Just – I’m the one who routes the phone calls. And the messages from our chat service. Unless it’s busy.”
“It’s busy?”
“Saturday night? It’s really busy,” you say. He sounds disappointed. “Is there somebody you were hoping to talk to specifically? I can let you know how long of a wait there will be.”
“I don’t care who I talk to,” the client says. You hear that from new clients a lot, before they pick a favorite. All the regulars have favorites. “This was stupid.”
“No, it wasn’t,” you say hastily. Akiko will kill you if you lose a client. Even a weird client. “Tell me what you want to talk about. That way I can pick the right partner to send to you.”
“I don’t know,” the client says. You glance at the info Mizuho sent and get a shock – the client’s twenty, just a year older than you. “It’s – fuck. It’s my birthday.”
“Happy birthday,” you say on autopilot, which is apparently the wrong thing to say. You can practically feel the client’s discomfort oozing through the phone, and you spin off into a sales pitch that sounds terrible even to you. “Well, you’ve called the right service. I know a ton of our companions who can make your day really special.”
“Too fucking late.” The client sounds bitter about it, or maybe just sad. Definitely pissed that he feels that way. “This was stupid. I just wanted –”
“Someone to talk to,” you realize before he can finish the sentence, and you hear a startled inhale on the other end of the line. He’s going to be prickly about it. You would be, if somebody read you like that. “What did you do today?”
“What did I do today?”
“Look, we can talk about that, or I can tell you what I’m wearing. Up to you.” You hear a weird sound. Is he choking or laughing? “What did you do today?”
“Nothing. Slept until three. Played a few games.”
“Which games?” you ask. “Something tells me you’re not a board game type of guy. Are you an FPS type, or more into MMORPGs –”
“You know what that is?”
He sounds surprised. “I’m more of a D&D type myself,” you say. You, two of the phone sex operators, and three of your friends from high school all have a campaign going. “But I know what the cool kids play. Are you a team player?”
“Solo.”
“Impressive,” you say. “It takes skill to go it alone. I’m only good as part of a team.”
It’s weird to say something honest about yourself on the phone with a client. You know for a fact that Akiko always shares certain details – she says it makes them feel closer to her, makes them easier to manage – but you’re not a companion. You lie every time you’re on the phone with a client. This is the first time you’ve ever said anything true, and it feels weird. It’s not a habit you want to get into.
The client, meanwhile, is finally starting to loosen up. “So that’s what you’re doing when you’re not answering phones at a phone sex line? Playing games?”
“No, usually I’m studying.”
“Studying what?”
Too personal, again. You need to shut it down. “Do you really want to talk about me?”
“Better than talking about me.” The client’s voice takes on a weird flat note, one you don’t know how to identify over the phone. “What would have happened, anyway? If I’d talked to somebody else.”
“You’re going to talk to somebody else.” None of the other operators are free yet. “Well, to start with, they’d probably tell you what they’re wearing.”
The client snickers. You made him laugh. Why does that feel like an achievement? “Um, and then you’d probably have phone sex. That’s what they do.”
“But not what you do.”
What is that supposed to mean? “Definitely not. Like I said, I just route the phone calls. And keep clients company while they wait.” It’s silent. You wait, growing more uncomfortable by the second. “If you tell me what kind of phone sex you want to have –”
Your screen flashes. “All right, we have an open operator. A couple open operators. If you tell me a little bit about what you’re looking for, I can match you up.”
Ordinarily, you don’t play matchmaker like this, but you’re weirdly invested in making sure that this client has a positive phone sex experience on his twentieth birthday. “Uh –” the client breaks off, clears his throat. “I don’t want to talk to any of them.”
“Um –”
“Can I just talk to you?”
“That’s not what I’m here for.” You watch, agonized, as three calls pile up in the queue behind this one. “You don’t actually want to talk to me. You’re paying by the minute for someone who knows what they’re doing.”
“If you transfer me, I’ll hang up.” The client’s not threatening you, you don’t think – just telling you how it’s going to be. Some part of you appreciates the clarity. “I want to talk to you. You can even tell me what you’re wearing.”
You laugh in spite of yourself, and even though you know it’s a terrible idea, you hit transfer, sending the three queued calls to the open operators and keeping this client on the line with you. “It’s not worth talking about. Tell me about you. On the scale of worst to best birthdays ever, where does this one fall?”
“The shit end.” The client’s answer should have been predictable, but his follow-up isn’t: “Moving up a bit, though.”
“Why was it shitty?” you ask, knowing as you do that it’s a mistake. You don’t need to know why the client had a shitty birthday, except to know that it’s shitty enough that he called a phone sex line to have someone to talk to. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened.” The client’s voice gets quieter. “Nothing ever happens.”
You somehow manage to restrain yourself from going down the list, checking off all the birthday stuff to make sure the client’s really telling the truth. The client starts filling in the blanks without being prompted. “I don’t need any of it. I can buy my own presents. And a cake. And fucking balloons if I want them. What am I supposed to do then? Sing happy fucking birthday to myself?”
“That would be pretty sad,” you agree. “Want me to sing to you?”
The client makes a weird sound. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
“You don’t actually want to sing to me. You don’t know me. You’re only on the phone at all because I’m paying you.”
“That’s how you got on the phone with me, sure,” you say. “But I don’t have to know you to think you should get at least one birthday song. Even if it’s from me.”
It’s quiet for a second. “You sure you don’t just want to tell me what you’re wearing?”
You decide to hell with it and start singing anyway. Quietly, and making at least a little effort to stay on key. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear –”
You stop when you realize you don’t know the client’s name, and you wait for him to fill it in. And wait. And wait. “Are you going to finish it or not?” the client asks.
“I need your name first. Otherwise it won’t be the real birthday song.” You’re aware that this is ridiculous – you’re singing happy birthday to a client who called Shiroiwa’s phone sex line and got stage fright so bad that he decided he’d rather talk to you. “Happy birthday dear –”
“Tenko.”
“Happy birthday dear Tenko,” you sing, “happy birthday to you.”
It’s quiet for a second. You’re still not great with silence. “Was that so hard?”
“No,” the client – Tenko – says. It’s quiet for longer this time. “That was –”
“Just what do you think you’re doing?”
That’s Akiko’s voice. Shit. You look up in horror and find her bearing down on you, dressed to the nines and wearing heels that probably make her taller than All Might. “There are eight calls in the queue and seven operators with no clients, and instead of doing your job you’re on the phone with a friend –”
“You’re in trouble,” Tenko says. It’s not a question.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I have to go,” you say. “I can transfer you –”
“I don’t want a transfer. Do you really have to –”
The look on Akiko’s face says yes. “I’m really sorry. Look, um –”
“What’s your name?” Tenko asks. Akiko is looking for the ‘end call’ button, but she’s not great with tech. You’ve got ten seconds or so before she realizes it’s on your headset and rips it off your head. “Come on. You know my name. It’s not fair if I don’t know yours.”
“My friends call me Nine,” you say. They do when you’re playing D&D, at least – that’s your character’s name. “I have to go.”
Tenko says something else, or starts to, but you press the end call button yourself and face up to your boss, assigning the queued calls as quickly as possible. “It was a client,” you say, before she can say a word. “The meter was running the whole time.”
Akiko’s temper comes down a notch when she hears it was a paid call, but you’re not out of the woods yet. “You should have transferred him.”
“He said he’d hang up.”
“This operation is barely legal as it is, and you’re underage. If you were talking about anything sexual –”
“We weren’t. He just turned twenty,” you say desperately. “He didn’t even want to know what I was wearing.”
Akiko blinks. “Really?”
“I tried,” you say. She nods, bemused. “I shouldn’t have let the other calls wait. I’m sorry.”
“As long as you don’t do it again,” Akiko says. She’s smiling, but you’d be an idiot if you thought she was telling the truth. She leans over and checks the call receipt on your screen. “Mm, this was a nice long conversation. What were the two of you discussing?”
“I don’t really know.” At least half the conversation was you trying to figure out what the hell was going on. “Am I in trouble?”
“None of the calls have been dropped, and that client of yours paid the same price for you as he would have for one of my operators. You aren’t in trouble,” Akiko says. “Don’t let it happen again.”
“Yes, ma’am.” You turn back to your screen and transfer the last queued client, watching as the clock on your computer flips from 11:59 to 12:00am. It’s not Tenko’s birthday anymore. You wonder if he got what he wanted out of calling Shiroiwa Services. Probably not.
taglist: @f3r4lfr0gg3r @lvtuss @dance-with-me-in-hell @minniessskii @evilcookie5 @deadhands69 @shigarakislaughter @lacrimae-lotos @xeveryxstarfallx @handumb @agente707 @warxhammer @issaortiz @stardustdreamersisi @cheeseonatower @boogiemansbitch @koohiii @baking-ghoul @atspiss @shikiblessed @aslutforfictionalmen
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I believe one of the initial moments when Joel begins to care about Ellie occurrs during the 'can't deny the view' scene.
Just before he checks his watch, there's a brief exchange where he warns Ellie to be cautious while crossing the plank to the other side. She glances at him, frowns, and lets out a dismissive "Pssh" signaling that she's not afraid of something as simple as stepping on a plank. In that moment, he can't help but hear his daughter; recognize the familiar teenage defiance in her voice.



That's why, after having a brief chat with Ellie, he glances at his watch later on. Even though she's just an ordinary kid in his eyes, he can't help but notice her intelligence. She's smart, snarky, talks a mile a minute, and is genuinely kind. All of which remind him so much of certain someone.

I believe this is why he lashes out when Ellie shoots the hunter. It's not just that he despises himself for failing to protect her and allowing her to protect him instead; it's also that he struggles to accept how much he genuinely cares for her already. He's trapped in the past, and until now, all he could see in Ellie was a reflection of his daughter. Every gesture, every witty comment—each one reminded him of Sarah. So, he kept his distance, adopting a grumpy and aloof demeanor. However, in this moment, he 'snaps' because he can't face the reality that he's beginning to let her in. Perhaps he realized that he may have opened up to her long ago, and it's just dawning on him now.

This also leads to the moment where Ellie assists Joel in dispatching the hunters. I believe this moment also highlights the scene where he's instructing her on how to properly handle a weapon. Immediately after, he indirectly apologizes to her. Now, it is still an indirect apology... but it's coming from Joel Miller himself. For Joel Miller, the embodiment of stoicism, to exhibit such vulnerability and remorse... it's nothing short of remarkable. That a hardened survivor like Joel shows even the slightest hint of remorse reveals a depth to his character beneath the closed-off exterior. Despite his taciturn nature, Joel is displaying a new level of openness and respect for Ellie. This speaks to the bond they've formed and the cracks appearing in Joel's standoffish armor.
#the last of us#tlou#joel miller#ellie williams#joel tlou#ellie tlou#ellie and joel#the last of us talk#elliespuns analyses
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YanAlpha!Klaus M. Mates the Last Omega
Klaus meets an Omega while searching for wolves to make Hybrids. She’s the first Omega he has seen in Hundreds of years and he knows he has to have her…even if it takes some intense patience on his part
Warning:This is a Yandere Headcanon and it is labeled that way for a reason, the behavior exhibited by Klaus is dark, demented, and extremely manipulative. Proceed with Caution. DD:DNE
It started out as a Headcanon but it didn’t end that way so I’m not sure what to call it at this point
~Klaus met you after finding out he needed Elena's blood to change his Hybrids
•The Hybrid had gone off by himself, leaving his sister behind, to find a new pack of werewolves and since he already knew where to look it didn't take long
•Klaus had walked right into the camp, startling the wolves who saw him before looking to their Alpha as the Hybrid knew they would.
•'I am Dane, Alpha of this pack and I'm sorry to say we don't allow outsiders in this camp, you may find the Shadow Moon pack to be more welcoming, they're about 12 miles southeast. Leave this pack, now.' The Alpha demanded and though he really wanted to laugh, he contained it, noting how so many of the wolves were shifting to a certain area as if protecting one specific tent. The tent being away from all of the others and clearly the largest one in the camp making Klaus extra curious though he would deal with the insolent Alpha first.
'That's good to know for later, thank you. What is this pack called if I might ask?' He inquired, wondering if he should come up with a name for his own pack now, though that thought quickly fled his mind. Naming his pack would be inconsequential, he would just call it his Army.
'This is the Lycan Blood pack, and it is time for you to go, I am the Alpha of this pack. You have no business here.'
'Oh, but that's where you're wrong. I do have business here. My name is Klaus, perhaps you've heard of me?' Everyone became noticeably stiff, once again shifting between him and the far tent.
'You're the hybrid.'
'Oh, you have heard of me. Wonderful!' He grinned and suddenly the girl who had named him turned to the Alpha.
'Take care of her quickly.' He was officially intrigued when the Alpha took off to the tent and 4 of the wolves lunged at him at once. It was far too easy to dispatch them, feeding them his blood and knocking the rest of the pack and the humans unconscious before following the Alpha to the tent.
'Please no?! I haven't done anything wrong Alpha!'
'I know but I can't let him have you, you need to understand! I have to do this!' Klaus peeked his head into the tent, seeing the Alpha with a dagger in hand, pinning another wolf to the ground, knees on her arms to keep her still as she tried to kick him, tears streaming down her face. The hybrid grabbed him by the back of the neck and hauled him off of her, quickly shoving a bloody wrist into the Alpha-soon to be Betas-mouth and snapped his neck.
•He had changed your Alpha that was trying to kill you before realizing what you were and the smell that filled his senses was like nothing he had ever experienced, made even stronger by the fact that he is in your tent that holds your nest (something he had only ever heard of before), he was obsessed with it immediately. He knew as an Omega it would be hard for you to resist obeying an Alpha now that yours was gone and he knew he could take advantage of that as he watched you crawl away from him and up into the colorful, very well padded nest
•'Don't be afraid sweet girl, I won't harm you.' You looked up at him, tears in your eyes that Klaus wanted to wipe away but he wouldn't push you so far as to enter your nest this quickly, before looking down at your old Alphas dead body. 'I've given him a gift, he's a Hybrid now, never again bound to the moon. You're a smart girl, you know that stronger Alphas will take over other packs, that's all this is, he's not your Alpha anymore sweet girl, I am, and I intend to protect you.' As he moved forward you suddenly hissed, swinging your claws out at him making him jump back to see he had nearly entered your nest and while the Original Hybrid felt he should be welcomed into the sweet smelling snuggly bed he also had heard how protective Omegas were of their nests and knew that if he bided his time you would be dragging him in before long, therefore he controlled himself...for now.
~He knew it would take time to get you to trust him and view him as your Alpha but he was willing to wait for you
•He eventually got you to relax enough to sleep, snuggled up in your nest and drifting off, allowing him to take care of the rest of the wolves, turning them and feeding them the Doppelgänger blood before getting rid of the humans and packing up everything his new pack would need to keep. He woke you a few hours later and helped you begrudgingly pack up your nest and load it into his car to transport you to the next pack he had been told about
•He kept you safe in his house upon returning to Mystic Falls a few days later, having given you the master bedroom to set your nest in and that's where you stayed. He would sit with you for hours, the first 2 days just consisted of him staring at you before he finally got you to talk to him which he counted as a win, quiet as you were. He knew you eventually would, an Omega needs other wolves more than any Beta or Alpha does, they don't function well alone and he was going to make you completely dependent on him as your Alpha…no matter what he had to do
•'Eat my sweet girl, your Alpha made it especially for you.' He always referred to himself like this, knowing it would make you associate him with the head of your pack, as he hadn't changed you into a Hybrid yet, wanting you to be dependent on him first.
'Thank you...it's good.' You mumbled, reaching for your drink and touching his hand, the skin contact sending a feeling of warmth shooting up your body and making you needy. Omegas are naturally needy and cuddly with their Alphas and your wolf has been quickly searching for a new Alpha to follow and you knew Klaus knew that. It's why he isolated you and never left you alone but it was finally too much as you felt your wolf in the back of your head purring, your Alpha finally touching her after leaving her needy for days.
Klaus watched your eyes glaze over and he knew your wolf was at the forefront of your mind, exactly what he was waiting for. Klaus had only ever heard rumors about Omegas and since meeting you he did all the research he could, even compelling your old Alpha to tell him everything about you and how you behaved so he was prepared for whatever you needed. 'Alpha...'. you whined and he smiled, taking your hand and caressing the back of it with his thumb.
'Alphas here, Omega. It's okay. You're safe here, Alpha will protect you.' You whined again, dropping the plate of food and crawling forward, out of your nest and into his lap, nuzzling under his chin. 'Well, aren't you a snuggly thing. My sweet girl, Alphas here.' Klaus was delighted by your attitude, wrapping his arms around you before picking up your plate. 'Eat Omega, your Alpha needs to make sure you're taken care of, don't I?' He fed her a bite of her pasta, digging his face into her neck as he heard her moan before the purr erupted from her throat. The sound ran a chill down his spine straight to his cock, which was instantly hard pressed against her ass on his lap.
'Alpha?' She wondered and he nipped at her flesh.
'It's alright. Alpha will take care of you, sweet girl. Taste just as sweet as you smell, fuck!' His head began to feel foggy now and while Klaus didn't appreciate not feeling in control of himself, the overall feeling was quite...amazing. He tossed the plate away knowing someone would clean it later, turning her to straddle his lap and pressing his lips to hers for the first time, his lips feeling like he had eaten pop rocks, a feeling that spread the more his skin touched hers. He fell in love with her whines and whimpers as she pulled him closer, tugging at his shirt which he tried to keep her from removing before she ripped it straight down the front to get her hands on her Alphas strong chest. 'Such a needy little thing, aren't you?' His hand wrapped around her throat and pulled her up from where she tried to kiss his neck to look him in the eyes which were now golden and possessive. 'Did your last Alpha let you rip his clothes like this, or did he put you in your place.'
'Never touched me.' She choked and he tilted his head, confused. 'Said 'Mega's get in your head and make it cloudy...he only-only needed me to build the pack-Alpha please?' She pulled at his hand and while he knew he wasn't hurting her or even really cutting off her airway he eased his grip until his hand just touched her skin.
Klaus knew that Betas were more inclined to join a pack with an Omega, Omegas providing a feeling of safety which is what all wolves searching for a pack are in need of, of course he used her to help build his pack but not mating her? Klaus had been curious about that but now he understood. Many Alphas hundreds of years ago believed Omegas had the ability to control their Alphas because, as she had just demonstrated, their scent and touch can make their Alpha feel foggy but they feel it too, it enhances the experience of mating. However, he knew that many Alphas some 5-600 years ago killed Omegas to keep them from "controlling their minds and stealing their packs". While Klaus knew it to be a crazy superstition, it had seemingly worked out for him since the idiot "Alpha" hadn't touched his Omega.
'Alpha won't do that to you sweet girl, I will always give you what you need.' Klaus rocked his hips upwards against hers and his Omega practically wailed in need, his hard length pressing up against her through his jeans, though her pajama shorts that covered very little of her didn't do much to offer her protection with whatever kind of panties she had on. His hands settled on her waist and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, face digging into his neck as she panted needily as he continued rocking up into her. 'There you go Omega, just feel me, such a good girl.' Another whimper followed that and he smirked as she nibbled on a spot at his neck. Klaus only needed to rock his hips up against hers a few more times before she all but howled out her release, his arms tightening around her and holding her close as she settled down, knowing the more she touched him and breathed in his scent at a moment like this the needier she would be for him. He wanted her needy, wanted her riled up and desperate as it would push her body to her heat faster because he knew the moment that happened it would be the nail in the coffin, she would give herself to him and there would be no going back.
'Nest Alpha, snuggle.' She all but demanded and he smiled, finding her adorable. Klaus lifted her up and moved her to her nest, settling her down inside of it and handing her one of the stuffed creatures inside of it. 'Alpha, come. Need you-'
'Not now Omega, Alpha has things to do. I'll come and check on you in a bit, okay?' She shook her head quickly.
'No, want you in my nest! Come!' Now she was demanding and he growled low in his chest making her squirm.
'Watch your tone Omega. I will be back.' As he went to leave she caught his torn shirt and tugged at it, not meeting his eyes letting him know exactly what she wants which caused a smile to grow on his face and he pulled the tattered shirt off so that she could keep his scent in her nest before grabbing a clean shirt and leaving her to her inevitable nap.
•It's not like Klaus didn't want to be in her nest, he wanted it more than Anything! But he knew that the second he crawled in he wouldn't be crawling out. He needed to control himself and being surrounded by his Omegas nest, encased in her scent, wouldn't allow him to think of anything but mounting her and before that happened he needed her to be well and truly desperate for him. He needed her to choose him when she goes into her heat.
~He kept on like that for a while, holding her and giving her bits and pieces of pleasure, but never more than that
•Klaus did feel a bit bad for it, he was truly falling in love with this sweet creature and she just wanted him to love on her the way her instincts insisted on but he wouldn't. When he had come back later that night her nest was completely different, she had disassembled it and remade it in a different way, clearly thinking that her Alpha hadn't been satisfied with it and that's why he wouldn't enter it. It looked incredibly comfortable and Klaus wanted more than anything to crawl in and never come out again, out of the nest or out of his Omega, but he couldn't. Not yet.
•He tried his best to keep her from thinking that he didn't like it but over the next few days as he could smell her getting closer to her heat she changed the nest 5 more times in hopes that he would like it. 3 days after he got her off for the first time, she finally hit her heat and he could smell it instantly
•The entire pack could smell it honestly, and all of them were quite stiff and unsure that day, watching Klaus as if waiting for him to snap. He didn't let her sit alone for long, not willing to leave her in pain when he could relieve it, but there was one more thing that needed done
•Klaus had planned to allow one of his Betas up the stairs to scare his mate a bit and make her all the more dependent on him but it seems the Beta he intended to use had beaten him to it when he thought his Alpha was distracted. He heard the Beta creeping to the door to his Omegas room slowly and quietly before Klaus turned to Mindy, one of his strongest Betas, and had her clear everyone out of the house for the night. He moved up the stairs behind his stupid Hybrid and he could see how desperate this wolf was for his Omega. He allowed the boy to enter his Omegas room without any complaint from him and he could see that the idiot boy was clearly excited. All of his Hybrids had been whispering since he brought his Omega back here, about what he's really going to do with her since any normal Alpha would have marked her by now. Some of them say he's just using her to his own ends like their old Alpha, some are saying he's going to kill her to keep her from having a hold on him, and some seem to believe that he just needs to keep her but that he's going to let one of his pack members have her since he doesn't want her...to Klaus, that was the stupidest conclusion they had come up with. But here this idiot Beta was, walking into his Omegas room as if he belonged there without a second thought. He cannot allow his pack to be full of men who would try and touch his Omega...he also can't have Betas in his pack that are this fucking stupid! Yes, it's true that he was going to have this Beta scare his Omega a bit like this anyway, but Klaus actually had hope that the Beta would be smart enough not to fall for it...apparently not. Klaus had known exactly which one of his Hybrids would be dumb enough to try something and there was nothing that could save him now…
•Klaus stood by the door, listening carefully as he heard his girl groan before smelling the air and whimpering as she realized the person who walked in was not her Alpha.
'Get out.' Y/n mumbled, writhing against the blankets uncomfortably. Klaus knew she was uncomfortable and scared now that this idiot was in her room and he desperately wanted to comfort her, however he knew that “saving her” would benefit him in the end. He was however quite happy with the fact that she only wanted him, rejecting this other wolf. Even after Klaus hadn’t given her what she wanted all this time, she still would only accept her Alpha. Klaus was fully confident that she was as in love with him as he was with her.
'It's okay Omega...I won't hurt you.' Klaus heard her let out a loud, angry hiss and he was actually impressed by his girl. As overwhelmed by her heat as she is, she is pushing through the brain fog to continue rejecting this idiot Beta. 'Alpha isn't here, he's not coming...but I'm here. I'll take care of you, Angel. I'll make you feel so good you won't even think about him again.' Klaus actually finds himself shocked at how stupid this Beta is, he knew he was an idiot and he had been meaning to get rid of him for a while, but if he's really this stupid he wants him away from his Omega now-Plans be damned!
'Alpha is gonna kill you for this.' She warned, and though it only came out a quiet mumble Klaus found himself smiling at how strongly he'd made his Omega believe in him.
'He doesn't care about you. All this time he could have mated you but he didn't, he doesn't want to Omega.' Klaus noted the Betas footsteps, not willing to let him actually get close enough to touch his Omega or to enter her nest. 'We've all been talking about it since he locked you up here...what's so wrong with that Omega that an Alpha doesn't want to mate her?' She whimpered sadly, the noise yanking on Klaus' heartstrings. 'Dane always said you were too needy, too desperate for this nest and for his attention. Personally I think he had the right idea, minus the not fucking you bit.'
'If you touch my nest I'll claw your eyes out!' She threatened but he snorted.
'You think you're stronger than me? Especially now? No Omega, now you're gonna put the claws away and do as you're told or I'm gonna do what Dane did when you misbehaved and I'm gonna take this nest away from you.' Klaus found himself shocked by that, Y/n hadn't told him of her old Alpha taking away her nest…maybe she hadn’t wanted to risk giving him the idea? That is one of the worst things that can be done, something the Hybrid would never even consider doing to his Omega and this idiot was threatening to do it during her heat! If Klaus hadn't already killed Dane several days ago (having been overly possessive after touching his Omega the first time), he would be killing him now…though now he wishes he’d made the idiot suffer a bit more.
'Get away from me!' As Klaus now heard the fear in his Omegas voice, he finally stepped into the room, rumbling a loud growl from his chest and startling the Beta who jumped back from the nest. 'Alpha! Please make him stop?! Please?!' His girl pleaded and Klaus felt his wolf howling in the back of his mind as he was overcome by the smell of his Omegas heat.
'What do you think you're doing in here?' Klaus asked, as calmly as he could which startled the Beta more.
'You aren't mating her, and if you're not going to, someone should.' The boy explained, trying to keep up his cocky attitude but being unable to keep the waver out of his voice as he grew more nervous.
'So you thought you would sneak in here while I was out, like a rat, and assault my Omega while she's in heat...if you truly think any Omega anywhere deserves that kind of treatment...then the world is damn lucky that you're not an Alpha.'
'I'd make a better Alpha than you! You leave her here alone every day to suffer-'
'Suffer?! She has everything she could ever need, she has her own room that no one else can enter and force her to smell other wolves, she has a nest full of everything she could want and I continue adding to it every day! I bring her meals and snacks, entertainment and I stay by her side everyday! Just because I don't force myself on her and make her take me as her Alpha doesn't mean she is suffering!' Klaus wrapped his hand around the Betas throat, pinning him to the wall and baring his fangs in his face, him whimpering like a scared little boy. 'You tried to hurt my Omega-'
'I didn't-'
'You threatened to take her nest from her for not giving you what you want. You threatened her...and I cannot let that go unpunished. No one hurts my Omega.' Just as he shoved his hand into the Hybrids chest his wolf began howling in the back of his brain once again, the loud purr that was coming from behind him was setting all of Klaus' nerve endings on fire. He felt the goosebumps rise on his flesh, every inch of his skin feeling tingly as he was overwhelmed by the scent of his Omega in heat and the sound of her purring just for him.
'Alpha...?' He turned his head to see her sat in her nest, her perfect soft skin now on display as she had stripped herself of her clothes, looking at him with a hopeful, pleading look. The sheen of sweat over her pale flesh seemed to remind him of how uncomfortable she must be and he jerked his hand back, tearing the mans heart from his chest and dropping it to the ground after using his shirt to wipe his hand off. 'Please don't leave me again...fixed the nest for you so you'll like it now...please stay?'
'You don't need to beg Omega, your Alpha is here.' Klaus moved quickly, dragging the Betas body out the door before shutting it and moving back towards her, her scent overwhelming his senses as his mind became foggy once again. He could see that her eyes were glazed over again, her heat taking its toll on her. Klaus pulled his shirt over his head quickly, stripping his pants off as well as his boxer briefs to leave him completely bare as he crawls into her nest finally, being an instant relief to the both of them. Klaus grabs ahold of her ankle, pulling her towards himself roughly so that she’s laid out on her back now for him to touch as he pleases. ‘So perfect Omega, look at you…’ he hums, crawling over her and pressing his forehead to hers. ‘All mine now, aren’t you?’ She nodded quickly, moving her head to kiss him but he pulled back. ‘Say it Babygirl.’
‘Alphas! All Alphas now, no one else, never again! My Alpha…love my Alpha!’ She grabbed the back of his neck and pressed her lips to his now.
‘1000 years I’ve been waiting, you are never getting away from me now. And I will slaughter anyone who dares touch my Omega.’ He swore, lips still pressed to hers as he did. As he touched her Klaus found himself briefly wondering if this is what being on drugs felt like-every touch, every small brush of skin felt electrified and almost explosive. If this is what sex with his Omega feels like every time, he could never imagine wanting another women ever again, no other sex could top this feeling and he wasn’t even inside of her yet-though his Omega aimed to change that quickly.
‘Please?’ She whined, lifting her hips and rubbing her slick against his hard cock.
‘Please what, Omega? What do you need from your Alpha?’ He grabbed the backs of her knees and pulled her legs to wrap around his waist, her dripping cunt now pinned against him.
‘Knot! Please-Please Alpha?! Need your knot!’ His Omega was begging, she was a desperate little slut in need of his knot inside of her and the wolf in his mind was banging on its cage in his brain trying to get out.
‘You’ll have it precious, it’s all yours-‘
‘Mine! My Alpha! My Knot! All Mine!’ Her possessive behavior shocked him a bit, never having had a women under him before that would even think to claim him as her own. He was the Hybrid, he belonged to no one-but just as he thought this he was overcome with a heavy weight in his mind, his fangs pushing out of his gums as his eyes shifted to that familiar gold, dark veins forming below them. He felt no control in himself anymore as his wolf was now in the forefront of his mind.
‘That’s right pup, Alpha is all yours. No one else’s, not ever again. My pretty Omega, look at you, such a needy Little Wolf for me, need your Alpha to make it all better, hmm?’ She nodded, tears leaking from her eyes as she was completely overwhelmed. ‘It’s alright Omega, your Alpha is gonna take care of you so good. All mine.’ The growl that his voice had taken on clearly made his girl happy as she began purring quite loudly. ‘Scream for your Alpha, baby. Let all of them hear you in your pleasure, let them know who’s cunt this is!’ He shifted his hips back before pushing himself forward and filling his Omega with his cock for the first time. She squeaked a bit at the feeling of the stretch before moaning, claws digging into Klaus’ flesh on his back which only served to send a new shot of pleasure down his spine.
He began thrusting up into her at a borderline painful pace but her little whines and whimpers were driving him on. His wolf was content for the first time since smelling his Omega, driving his hips forward, fangs bared as he shoved his face into her neck and continued fucking his Omega. ‘Oh God! Alpha! Please?! Please Alpha?!’
‘Shh, hush now Little Wolf, I’ve got you.’ Klaus could feel how close she was, desperate to cum just as he was and as he felt his knot beginning to swell he pulled out of her slick hole and flipped her over. He ignored her whining as he lifted her ass up, presenting her to himself and shoving his cock back into her cunt. ‘Such a pretty Omega, aren’t you? Perfect little holes for your Alpha, I can have them all, can’t I? You wouldn’t deny me these lovely holes, would you?’ She shook her head, whining desperately and Klaus could feel her squeeze his cock, knowing she is going to cum.
‘Knot…Knot Alpha-Need-‘
‘I know Omega, Alphas gonna knot you up so good. Gonna be so full of me you’ll be carrying around my pups tomorrow-‘
‘Oh God! Yes-Yes! Please Alpha?!’
‘Does my Little Wolf want her mate to fill her with his babies? Fuck, you’ll look so gorgeous with your belly swollen with my pups,gonna be so sexy-I’ll never be able to stop fucking you Omega!’ Klaus felt his knot swelling as he knew he was close, needing to feel his Omegas pussy squeeze him the way he had always wanted. He trailed his hand down her spine, squeezing her ass and pressing his thumb against her tight little hole, receiving a loud squeal. ‘Cum for your Alpha, Little Wolf, squeeze my cock nice and tight and I’ll give you what you want.’
‘Yes! Yes Alpha! Oh Fuck!’ In that moment Klaus knew he had never felt anything more perfect than her sweet little cunt as she squeezed the life out of his cock, his knot expanding fully inside of her just as he buried his fangs into her neck roughly, finally marking her as his. His cock filled her almost violently with more cum than he would ever think he could, his orgasm lasting more than double what it usually did before they both collapsed.
His wolf had receded from his mind for the moment and he was slightly more aware of his surroundings, hearing his mate whine and realizing the uncomfortable position they were in as they had both collapsed awkwardly. He moved carefully onto his side and helped her move with him, his knot still trapped inside of her as it would be for at least the next 15 minutes, making him hold her hips to his gently so he didn’t hurt them both before holding her back to his chest and nuzzling her neck with a hand cupping her breast. ‘You did so good for me, Omega. Gave yourself to me so perfect, my good girl.’ He praised, kissing her neck over the mating mark he had gifted her and enjoying the soft purr he was rewarded with.
‘Don’t leave…’ she mumbled as her eyes drifted shut against her will, knowing she needed to sleep as her body was driven to rest as his seed attempted to take hold inside of her. They would be mating like this at the very least every few hours for the next 5-7 days during her heat, and even if he knew it would never happen, the Alpha inside of him was desperate to fill her with his pups as many times as he could during her heat.
‘You think I would leave you like this? What kind of terrible Alpha do you take me for Omega? I am not leaving your side once until your heat is over and you’re so full of my cum that you look knocked up already…I’m sorry that I can’t give you that…but we can have fun trying for the rest of eternity.’ He teased, nipping her ear and enjoying her soft whine.
‘Just want you Alpha…don’t need anything else if I have you.’
‘You will always have me Babygirl, I will never let you go. Never.’ He growled, thrusting up into her and enjoying her loud whimper as she felt his knot move. ‘Sleep Omega, Alpha will wake you soon when I will fuck you again before I feed my little mate and I fuck you in the kitchen. Just sleep little mate, you’re safe now. Alpha has you.’
Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist
#the vampire diaries#the originals#the vampire diares imagine#the originals imagine#vampire#tvd klaus#hybrid#niklaus mikaelson#niklaus imagine#klaus imagine#klaus x reader#klaus x y/n#klaus x oc#klaus fluff#klaus smut#klaus mikaelson#klaus mikaelson fluff#klaus mikaelson x oc#klaus mikaelson x reader#klaus mikaelson smut#klaus mikaelson imagine#yandere klaus#yandere!klaus mikaelson#yandere klaus mikaelson#Yandere!klaus#dark!alpha!Klaus Mikaelson#alpha!klaus mikaelson#a/b/o headcanon#a/b/o dynamics#a/b/o fic
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#ai#ai tools#prompts for everyday use#practical prompts#smart living with ai#beginner ai tools#ai for everyday life#minimalist productivity#brash digital insights#brash digital dispatch
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Corporal Cecil Wormsborough St. John "Nobby" Nobbs and Sergeant Frederick "Fred" Colon are literature's most triumphant example of the 'Those Two Guys' trope.
In the watch books, they are wonderful supporting characters. Nobby has a rich inner life, usually made richer by everything his little kleptomaniac heart can get its grubby little mitts on. He's also uncannily sharp, able to spot a flaw in any logic from a mile away without a telescope. Occasionally, he'll even use these talents for the benefit of others.
Fred, for his part, is the Sergeant's Sergeant. If everyone rises to their level of incompetence, Fred discovered his and then took one big step backward. He's slow to adapt to new ideas, he's a little racist, and he can get overwhelmed. He is, through hard work, the least enlightened man on the Disc. He has a tendency to be confidently wrong to such a degree it might almost fool the average onlooker into thinking he's very smart.
When separated, they tend to spiral and be their worst selves. Nobbs is a slimy little tit no one is quite certain is actually human. Fred is a fat idiot set in his ways. And yes, they ARE those things, but they are also other things. They can be 'Brave'* and 'Loyal'** and 'Good Coppers'***.
As a duo, they are bewildering to deal with. Many are the times when Vimes has dispatched the pair of them to a crime scene where they miraculously stumble upon some Clue that wraps up the whole affair quite nicely. They are often very pleased with themselves when this happens. They even remain pleased when Carrot or Angua or Vimes then solve some other unrelated but remarkably similar crime with a much more complicated plot that looks an awful lot like the one they just solved if you tilt your head just right and squint. The City's a big place. Not every criminal can be so original, of course.
But Sgt. Colon and Cpl. Nobbs shine the most when the spotlight is NOT upon the Watch. Hardly anything happens in Ankh-Morpork without at least a passing observational comment by the Greek chorus of Colon and Nobbs. In stories that pass through the city, they are often its representatives passing a comment upon the plot. They don't approach it, of course, but they are remarkably observant of events in stories they aren't directly involved in.
They've seen the new Postmaster General take on the Clacks (and taken bets on who'd win). They know those funny bald-headed monks that are always sweeping up the streets. They've seen a man return from the Dungeon Dimensions and make the most instantly regrettable culinary decisions a life can make. They've avoided a war, they've avoided a tremendous amount of crime, and most importantly they've avoided an awful lot of paperwork.
They have even seen, and they both swear this is true, the anthropomorphic personification of Death riding the Unseen University Librarian's motorcycle as it blazed a trail of fire out of the city. They claim it was the night of that big rocks concert in the park and nobody else seems to know what they're talking about. Or if they do, they aren't telling.
And they were both there. They wore the lilac. If you're supposed to know, you'd know.
But otherwise, Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs are just... 'Those Two Guys'. And they are literature's most perfect pairing in a universe so full of stories that you require reminding that somewhere out there, you are seen. Even if it is by a pair of lazy Coppers making dry witticisms of your situation.
(*When totally convinced that the only other option is certain death)
(** As long as Nobby doesn't get a better offer)
(*** If the job requires holding up a statue by leaning on it to get out of the rain)
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