#so I am thinking that in a few days I will be able to write at least 1k words again

[suniix]

mission accomplished | bucky x agent! reader

synopsis | when a mission goes awry secrets are revealed, some more awkward than others

word count | 4.2k

warnings | mentions of blood + injury, light violence

note | this is me trying to get back into writing. it’s also my first time writing for bucky i hope it’s good 💔 also also, i haven’t watched anything after endgame so bear with me (im catching up i swear) i mostly wrote this at 4 am so forgive any errors 🙂‍↕️

The only reason you accepted this task was because during the mission briefing it seemed like a quick and easy job.

It totally didn’t have anything to do with the super soldier currently sitting across from you.

“Alright you two,” Sam called out and you felt the jet begin its descent. “Stick to the plan and we’ll meet at the extraction point.”

Right, the plan.

When Natasha first approached you for the job you were speed walking to a mission briefing you were almost late to. You found it a bit odd considering you almost never go out for missions. You weren’t exactly a field agent, only being called on for low stakes undercover tasks since you were an unfamiliar face or subbing in for those that couldn’t. Otherwise, you just worked behind computers.

“It’s simple; you get in, grab the files, get out.”

You rolled your eyes before looking down at the file she handed you. “It’s never that simple Nat, you know that. Besides, I have things to catch up on here.”

She wasn’t entirely wrong for thinking that. Based on the brief glances you gave the file it was essentially retrieving information in an abandoned hydra facility. If everything went according to plan, which almost never happened, you’d be back that same day.

The meeting room came into view and you handed her back the file. She accepted it with her usual smirk, that kind of smirk that meant she knows more than she’s letting on and made your stomach twist in anticipation for what she had planned.

Before opening the door she paused. “You sure you won’t change your mind?”

You didn’t respond, casting her a nervous look as you debated skipping the whole meeting. She chuckled before opening the door, letting you enter before she followed you in.

Safe to say, you changed your mind once you realized who else was assigned to the mission.

“Hey,” Bucky called out from across from you. He was already out of his seat. “You okay?”

“Yeah! Sorry, I just zoned out for a bit..” You quickly undid your seatbelt and started grabbing your things while simultaneously trying to ignore the embarrassment warming your ears. Regret settled in your chest— there was no way you’d be able to get through this mission undistracted, not while Bucky was here.

You heard Sam laugh from somewhere in the front. “Eyes on the prize people, can’t afford any distractions.”

He was right. You had to focus on the mission.

You felt the jet settle and begin to hover before a side door automatically opened. You glanced over and despite the darkness you noticed the area was different from what was shown in the mission briefing.

“I thought the drop off point was closer?” You yelled, hoping Sam heard you over the harsh winds.

“I looped around but didn’t see a clear landing spot, this is as close as I can get. You two are going to have to jump.” Sam yelled back.

You heard Bucky curse from beside you and you couldn’t help but let out an irritated sigh.

Great start to the mission.

You peered out the door to take a look at the drop. It wasn’t too bad— for a super soldier. There’s no way you’d be able to land safely, not without taking a few branches to the face on your way down and possibly breaking a bone or two. It was too high to jump regularly and too low for a parachute. You looked around, hoping to find a rope to throw over before Bucky suddenly jumped out without warning.

He landed silently with the skill only a trained soldier would have before gesturing you to follow, holding out his hands. You could faintly make out the words I’ll catch you and you swore your heart jumped out the plane without you.

There was no time to argue—the more time Sam spent hovering in the air the more likely it was that you would draw attention, regardless if the area was abandoned or not.

Trusting his words you jumped, feeling the harsh cold bite from the wind before it was quickly replaced with the warmth only another body could provide. He held you securely while you remained stiff as a board, still processing what you just did.

“Do you always jump out of planes without warning?” You tried to joke in an attempt to calm your racing heart. While your heart might’ve jumped out the moment bucky offered you his arms you were pretty sure your soul was still on the jet.

“Only when I need to.” He responds, gently setting you down and letting go when he’s sure you can stand on your own.

Your earpiece buzzed to life, catching the last bits of Sam’s laugh. “Alright, have fun you two. We’ll meet back in a few hours.”

With that Sam took off, leaving the two of you alone in the woods to walk the rest of the way.

Since joining to work with the Avengers one thing has been engraved into your mind.

Things never go as planned.

It should be obvious—plans change, especially in a field like this. You’ve learned how to adjust in order to accommodate those changes. Most of the time the information you receive before a mission is current, having been verified by multiple agents.

This was not one of those times.

Despite its run down appearance it turns out the facility was in fact not abandoned. You and Bucky quickly realized that once you began to get shot at.

“Fuck!—” You pulled back behind a wall as a bullet hit your side.

To your left across the hallway Bucky shot you a quick glance. Without saying anything he picked up a body that was nearby and used it as a shield against the bullets to cross the hallway and get to you.

“Shit, you okay?” He asked, waiting for the rain of bullets to end before he attempted to peek out and shoot back.

“Yeah totally.” You groaned, attempting to sit up but failing. Earlier, when you two were first noticed, you took a few hits while fighting. Later, your arm was grazed. You didn’t feel it at the moment but now the adrenaline was beginning to wear off and your eyelids were growing heavier by the minute. The blaring noise of the alarm wasn’t helping with the headache you were beginning to develop. You briefly remembered Sam’s words; had you been that distracted?

“Sam, do you copy?” Bucky asked, quickly attempting to shoot the assailants down the hall.

All you heard back was a jumbled mess of words followed by static.

“The walls must be messing with comms,” You groaned, handing him your gun when you noticed he was out of amo.

The stalemate continued for a few more seconds and you could tell Bucky was growing impatient. You two were outnumbered, Bucky would eventually run out of bullets and the agents would eventually close in. You instinctively ghost your hand over your blade to make sure it was still there—it was. There was no way you could fight and Bucky wouldn’t be able to defend both of you forever, but you’d sure as hell try.

Without warning Bucky slung your uninjured arm over his shoulder and began quickly dragging you down the hallway.

Left, right, left, right?—

The frequent turns he was taking only worsened your headache. You wanted to ask if he knew where he was going before he made a sharp turn and pushed past a door just as the footsteps approached. The two of you remained completely still, listening as the footsteps of the soldiers quickly passed by. Once the sound of footsteps disappeared you let out a sigh of relief and fully leaned against the wall before sliding down.

“Finally..” You breathed out, clutching your side. “I thought that only worked in movies..” You mumbled before shrugging off the outer layer of your outfit in order to look at the wound at your side and use it to absorb the blood.

“What?”

Before you got the chance to respond a whirring sound echoed from within the door followed by a harsh click. Bucky wiggled the door handle, but it refused to budge.

You immediately sit up in a panic. “Shit— they trapped us?”

Bucky shakes his head. “The whole building is on lockdown. They’re assuming we’re still looking for the exit and locked all doors to prevent us from leaving.” Bucky steps back while narrowing his eyes at the door. You could only assume he was debating whether or not to break it down.

“How are we going to get out? This place is a maze, completely different from the layout we were given..” You groaned, recalling the information they gave you. It’s clear whoever was running this place had made some upgrades.

Bucky looked over at you, eyes lingering on your bleeding side. “Our best bet is to stay put. The others will eventually realize something went wrong when we aren’t at the extraction point.”

A wave of guilt washes over you when you realize why. You put more pressure on your side, wishing the bleeding would stop entirely. “Eventually?..”

Bucky doesn’t respond, only crouches by your side before gently wrapping his hand around your wrist. “Let me take a look.”

You hesitantly allow him to remove your hand. He’s close, closer than he’d normally allow himself to be around anyone. He stares at your side for a moment longer, an unrecognizable emotion swirling around his blue eyes before he firmly places your hand back.

You know the wound is slightly deeper than the one you received on your arm, but nothing you couldn’t recover from. Still, it didn’t help the fact that it hurt like hell.

“So, how bad is it doc? Am I going to live?” You chuckle before wincing at the motion.

Bucky keeps his hand over yours. “You’ll be fine, just keep putting pressure.”

You nod and he slowly slips his hand away. You momentarily mourn the loss before he sits down next to you, keeping himself between you and the door. The distance is short, still close enough for your knees to brush if anyone moved, close enough to smell whatever cologne or shampoo he used.

“I need a coffee after this..” You mumble, attempting to sit up now that you were beginning to feel an ache in your lower back.

Bucky raised a brow. “A coffee?”

You nod. “Yeah, I always drink one in the morning, but not today.”

“Why not?”

“I was running late.” You breathed out a laugh, remembering your first encounter with the super soldier.

The first time you met him was early in the morning. You were running late for a meeting, because there was no way you would be able to get through the day without your coffee, and quickly turned a corner when you suddenly crashed into someone.

Your coffee spilled all over your clothes.

“What the!—” You immediately stopped once you noticed who you crashed into.

Sergeant James Barnes, or rather, Bucky as most people called him.

His mouth was moving, likely apologizing, but nothing was registering in your head. His eyes were furrowed and apologetic, his hair pulled back, and his skin shiny like he just came back from a workout.

Being this close to him, you realized he smelled surprisingly good.

Your gaze shifted behind him when you noticed a clock hanging on the wall, its ticking taunting you.

“No no, it’s fine! It’s just.. I gotta go!” You quickly rushed off once you remembered where you were headed.

Even though you went the whole day smelling like coffee you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him.

Running late was starting to become a bad habit, you noticed.

“You think there’s a chance they’ll figure out something went wrong before our pickup time?” You ask, gazing aimlessly at the ceiling.

Bucky shrugged. “If we’re lucky then they’ll already have figured it out.”

The silence that ensued wasn’t awkward, if it was you were too tired to notice. You looked around the room for the first time since you entered and noticed it looked completely unused. The room itself smelled stale and filing cabinets lined the walls with a few drawers left halfway pulled out. Whoever was here last left in a rush—you wonder how long ago that was.

Long enough for the layout to be completely changed. You hope you’ll remember to reprimand whoever was in charge of verifying the accuracy of the mission details.

However long ago that was, it was likely that they expected people to come looking for this place, but they probably never thought two agents would be stuck here waiting for help. You snuck a glance at Bucky. He’s still facing the door, jaw clenched, every part of him coiled like a spring—ready, waiting for something to pass through. It’s clear he’s thinking about something, you wonder if you’ll ever get to know what’s inside his head.

Bucky was only used for very specific missions, and in those cases he was usually accompanied by Steve, Nat, or even Sam. Someone the higher ups knew would be able to ‘handle’ him in case things went south, though they never have (and never will). With missions that required more agents you joined in, but those didn’t happen often. Even when they did, your interactions with the super soldier were limited. It’s not exactly the best idea to talk about mundane things while it’s raining bullets. The only other times you ran into him was during the briefings before a mission or randomly in the tower, and you savored every second. This was one of the few times he was sent out with someone apart from his usual trio and the only time he was sent out with you alone.

Maybe even the last given how messy the situation became.

You don’t know when you zone back into the moment, only becoming aware of it when you realize the alarm has stopped blaring beyond the door. A good sign, maybe they stopped looking for you two. Or maybe they’ve realized where you two are hiding and are on their way to ensure no one makes it out.

At some point Bucky reached over and placed his hand over yours, helping you apply more pressure on your wound. You hadn’t noticed you stopped.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve handled them faster.”

You snap your head in Bucky’s direction. “What? No, it’s not your fault.”

Bucky shakes his head, meeting your eyes for what feels like the first time this whole mission. “It is, the first time you got hit I reacted too slow. And now you’re—” He cuts himself off and looks away, clenching his hands.

You shift uncomfortably against the wall, the sting in your side a dull throb now. You’ve lost a decent amount of blood, you think, just enough for it to be worrisome. Maybe it’s the blood loss, but something you’ve been keeping unsaid is on the tip of your tongue.

Would now be a good time to say it? What would you even say?

There’s never a good time, you realize. Between your desk job, the missions, your rare run-ins with each other— this might be the only time you’re alone with him.

The two of you sit there against the wall with unspoken thoughts until you both decide to speak up.

“I like how you smell.”

“I think you’re afraid of me.”

You blink. “Wait, what?”

Bucky turns his head, brows raised, clearly just as thrown off as you. “Did you just say—?”

The door flew across the room, startling the both of you. Immediately Bucky was on his feet, your gun in his hand, aimed and ready to fire. When the dust settled a figure stepped through the door frame carrying a familiar red white and blue shield.

“It’s Captain America.” You happily cheered, only realizing how loopy you felt after hearing your own voice.

Nat emerged from behind him, rushing to your side. At that moment a wave of sleep hit you, making it harder for you to keep your eyelids open.

What happened after was mainly a blur. You vaguely remember being escorted out of the building and onto the jet. You knocked out on the ride back, briefly waking up when you were being wheeled out. In that small moment you were awake you noticed Bucky talking to Steve, his eyes momentarily meeting yours before he looked away.

You couldn’t forget how sad he looked or the blood that stained his hands, even as your consciousness faded.

You wondered if it was still possible to blame what you said on the blood loss.

Once you woke up, Dr. Cho informed you about what happened. Turns out you were lucky Nat and Steve got there when they did and even luckier that Dr. Cho was there when you were wheeled in, otherwise things would’ve gotten complicated. When you were shot the bullet passed all the way through, meaning you got to skip surgery and head straight into the regeneration cradle.

You healed during the night and were free to leave in the early morning.

Once out of the lab you headed straight to the kitchen, desperate for the coffee you’ve been craving since yesterday. The kitchen is empty, understandably so given the sun is barely peeking past the horizon. It’s the perfect scene for you to reflect on why of all things you had to say ‘I like how you smell’.

While the journey back to the tower remained a blur, what you revealed in that building was clear as day in your mind. The embarrassing secret you revealed followed by Bucky’s heart shattering confession.

You slammed a cup onto the counter.

You kept your hands busy, preparing your coffee, hoping it would distract you from feeling your heart crack. There was no way you would let the conversation end like that. You knew Bucky was never one to talk about his feelings and he likely wouldn’t open up again, but you refused to let the opportunity pass. You had to know why he felt that way and correct him. You had to let him know he was wrong, that there was no universe where you could fear him.

You grabbed your cup of coffee and began heading to your room. Once you were done you would head over to Bucky’s room and—

The sudden collision with something, or rather someone, sent you a few steps back, causing you to spill your coffee all over your clothes.

“I am so—Bucky?”

You pause once you notice who you crashed into and can’t help but feel a sense of déjà vú.

Bucky looks shocked to see you. His eyes immediately look to your side in an almost paranoid manner. “What are you doing up?” He asks.

“I just got out of the lab. I came to get my coffee, but..” You looked down at your coffee soaked clothes.

Bucky winced. “Sorry..”

He rushed over to the kitchen counter, grabbing some paper towels and passing some to you before helping you clean up the spilled coffee on the floor. As you patted yourself dry you figured now was as good a time as ever. “So, what are you doing up this early?”

He paused for a moment, seemingly contemplating his next words before continuing to soak up the mess. “Couldn’t sleep. Tried to let out some energy at the gym.”

Your mouth moved faster than you could think. “Why?”

He didn’t answer, continuing to clean an invisible spot on the floor. He refused to make eye contact. You had a feeling you already knew the answer.

It’s no secret Bucky struggles with nightmares. You heard the screaming before Tony soundproofed every room. You also knew about the mandatory therapy sessions and how every time he came back from a rough mission the lights in his room stayed on just a bit longer, like he was trying to keep something at bay. You knew the mess of the last mission likely didn’t help ease his conscience.

“What happened back there wasn’t your fault you know.” You mumbled, but you know he heard you when he stopped wiping the floor. “I.. I should be the one apologizing.”

That caught his attention. He opened his mouth to respond but you quickly cut him off. “I wasn’t focused, I let my personal feelings distract me. And—” You took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I did to make you believe that I’m afraid of you, but I promise that’s the furthest thing I feel when I’m with you.”

“Most people are afraid of me, what I’ve done.” He whispered, but in that empty kitchen you felt like it echoed against every wall.

“I’m not most people. Bucky,” You crouch beside him. “You have been nothing but kind to me, to everyone. You think your past defines you, but I’ve seen who you are now. You’re always looking out for others and taking the hit just so we can make it out unharmed. You’re different now.”

You hesitantly reach out, gently placing your hand over his when he doesn’t pull away. “You carry all this pain like it's your punishment, like saving people and sacrificing yourself is the price you pay for what happened back then, but you don't owe anyone your suffering, Bucky. You deserve more, so much more."

Bucky doesn’t say anything at first. His jaw clenches, eyes fixed on a crack in the floor like it might split open and hopefully swallow him whole. You can practically feel the war happening behind his blue eyes—old guilt clawing at the edges because of what you just said.

Finally, he exhales through his nose. “Different doesn’t mean good.”

“It does to me.”

He huffs. “Every time we meet it’s like you can’t get away from me fast enough.”

“That!—” You feel your ears burn in embarrassment. He’s interpreted your skittish behavior around him as fear. “—is for a different reason..”

He looks at you unamused.

“Oh come on..” You groan. “I already embarrassed myself back at the building, don’t make me repeat it..”

When he refuses to answer you can only sigh.

“It’s not that I’m afraid of you, I just don’t know how to act around you without making a fool of myself. As you can clearly see,” You point down at your now coffee stained clothes. “If anything I’m afraid of how I feel about you, because I like you, but I don’t want to ruin what we have or pressure you into anything by saying it!”

The silence is deafening. You feel as though the room is on fire as embarrassment continues to course through your body. You contemplate leaving, slowly beginning to stand when Bucky responds.

“And if I said I was afraid of the same thing?”

You freeze.

“I thought you hated me and that made me hate myself even more.” He continued. “With everything I’ve done I thought there’s no way I’d be able to change your mind, to show you I’m.. different now. I didn’t think I deserved it.”

He stood up, throwing the coffee soaked paper towels into the trash. “You never got your coffee, did you?”

“At this point I think it’s a sign that maybe I should stop drinking so much.” You laugh, hoping he doesn’t hear how fast your heart is beating.

“So if I asked you out for coffee, you’d say no?”

Your heart skipped a beat and you’re nearly convinced he heard it when you see a hint of a smile on his face. “I never said that..” You mumbled, fiddling with the paper towel still in your hand.

He called your name and you couldn’t resist meeting his gaze. His eyes bore into yours as he hesitantly approached you. “Are you free later? I think I know a place that sells good coffee. I owe you at least one after, well, everything.”

You quickly nodded your head. “Yeah yeah, today’s good, I just gotta..” You look down at your outfit. It’s the same one you wore on the mission—covered in blood, sweat, and now coffee. “.. shower.”

Bucky quickly nodded. “Me too, I’ll uh.. pick you up at three?”

“Ok,” You laughed, waving at him while walking towards the hall. “See you later.”

Once you turned the corner you nearly let out a squeal, causing you to almost crash into Nat, who wore a suspicious smile on her face. “Nat! You scared me, what’re you doing here?” You place your hand over your heart, hoping it’d slow down. You’ve had enough excitement for the day.

“I had a feeling you’d be here, I thought you’d be alone though.” She snuck a glance behind you, clearing having caught you and Bucky together. You try to ignore her by walking away, but she’s quick to catch up. As you two walked further away from the kitchen she bumped her hip with yours.

“So.. besides getting shot and nearly bleeding out, how’d the mission go?” Nat asked.

You took a moment to think of an answer. You were shot, nearly bled to death in a hydra closet, and you revealed to your hallway crush that you liked how he smelled while he was attempting to have a emotional conversation with you.

“I’m so glad I took that mission.”

thank you for reading till the end! reblogs are greatly appreciated :D

masterlist

[punks-never-die205]

By the Horns

Hybrid Bull AU

Thanks to @don-mellow and the FANTASTIC Bullstass art that inspired @hannahbarberra162 -> and then me -> to write some Hybrid Bull AU content.

Seriously check out those two as soon as you can. I am incredibly lucky to have talented people in my orbit like this. It literally feeds me.

Personal Note: I do have a LOT of Kid WiPs. I have not forgotten them, I have not abandoned them. I haven't had the drive to write Kid in MONTHS. So rejoice with me.

CW: Hurt, sex, revenge, murder, abuse, dark themes, estrus, tensions between humans and hybrids, so much sex, so much - and in an unexpected twist: consensual drugging, 18+ only.

Tag List: @keiva1000, @mfreedomstuff, @likeeliterallywtf, @usopp-enjoyer

Chapter 1: Tail End

You ran. 

And ran.

Everything ached, but everything had hurt before you started running, and you only knew that you couldn’t stop. It was night time, probably sometime around 2 or 3 in the morning, still hours before the sun would rise.

Your breath billowed out in front of you like fog, and the tattered remnants of your clothing billowed out behind you like bits of sail. Bruises, dried blood, and dirt covered your skin in the places that the meager clothing didn’t cover, and honestly the bruises and scrapes were beneath the cloth too.

If you stopped running your farmer would find you, and he’d kill you.

You knew it as sure as you knew anything. Maybe it was the part of your mind that was an animal, an instinct that made you move even when all manner of conscious rebellion had been bred and beat out of you years ago. A strange desire to live, despite not even being sure you really deserved such a privilege.

Lights on the horizon, the edge of a farm, not the sky, catch your attention and you run toward them. If you’re around other people the farmer won’t kill you. At least not right away, and if you can get help before he shows up, then maybe he won’t be able to do so at all.

As you neared the source of the light something made your legs wobble. Relief, or exhaustion, or both. Someone steps out from the light into the dark, a bull you think, from his height and the horns, he wasn’t a farmer. Details about him flit into your mind and leave just as quickly, but you’re at least sure enough that he’s a bull that you continue moving toward him.

Bulls never hurt you, so maybe he could-.

“-help,” you gasp, your hoarse voice barely a sound above the breath that escaped you. It was enough for him to turn and look at you, eyes going wide in surprise. “Me.” 

The next step you took was all you had left, but you didn’t hit the dirt. You collapsed into a large, warm arm, that supported you entirely. You could see the dirt, and you think you managed to say some manner of thanks, but fear, exhaustion, and pain, took you into the darkness and you passed out.

Looking down at the form that’s collapsed onto his arm, Kid looks out to the fields and the horizon for any signs of lights or pursuers. It wasn’t every day a mostly naked woman ran onto the backside of the ranch like this, and given the state of you, you’d been running for a long time.

After a moment he figured it was safe to assume you’d made a clean escape, where ever you had been escaping from, and adjusted you in his arm enough to stand up and walk back to the ranch. He’d just finished fucking a few of his heifers and, as usual, had energy to spare. Shutting off lights as he walked by he checked into the pens of his stock as he took you back to the main house, checking every now and then that you were still breathing.

Everyone else was down for sleep, or close enough to it, and so he detoured to the small clinic. House, one of the few non-hybrids on the farm, was put up there. She’d been the ranch doctor before he and the others took over, and she’d stayed on as doc afterward. Anything House couldn’t handle meant either a trip to the city for the hospital, or a call to the creepy emo fuck who had some of the most effective weirdo voodoo shit going on.

Walking into the clinic, Kid starts turning on lights, working his way through as quietly as he can. House would fuck him up six ways to Sunday if he made a mess, and if she was asleep he wanted to leave her that way.

Or so he initially thought.

Setting his little intruder on the exam table, under the harsh lights of the room, Kid had a better idea of how hurt you were.

“You might need the hospital.” He says softly, looking you over. Layers of bruises, but the more he looks the more he’s unsure where the dirt stops and the bruising starts. There’s dried blood, caked in places, and fresh trickles from wounds you reopened from running. “Fuckin’ hells.”

Growling Kid steps out of the room, turning on the water in the bathroom and pulling down washrags and towels. Just as he’s getting ready to knock on House’s bedroom door it opens. She doesn’t look angry, just tired.

“Help me, doc.” He commands, pointing into the bathroom. “I’ll bring ‘er in.”

House moves into the bathroom without question, but her eyes go wide when he brings you in.

“Gods,” she breathes, kicking off her slippers and climbing into the tub before he even starts to set you into the warm water. “Who is she? Ain’t one of ours.” 

“Ran up to me when I came out the back pens.” He explains, ripping the useless remnants of your ruined clothes off easily and tossing them aside. 

“Anything broke?”

“Nothing I could feel or see.” Kid answers.

“Eh. We’ll get her cleaned up and I can examine her. Human huh?” She asks.

“Think so. If she’s a hybrid, she doesn’t have a tail, or anything else.” He explains, helping House by keeping you stable with his arm, handing her clean rags and more soap as she cleans you up.

“She’s not nearly as dirty as I was hoping she was.” House says professionally. “This bruising is terrible. Layered too. She’s been beat pretty fierce for a long time. These scrapes and the blood are from it too. Bare hands, not that it makes it better, but it doesn’t look like he used a bat or anything.”

She takes care to check the worst of the bruises for fractures before cleaning them. Your breathing is steady, and you are effectively fast asleep. Poor thing must’ve ran until you were beyond exhausted, and your body was forcing you to rest.

Made it easier to get you cleaned up and checked at least.

“Fuckin’ pig.” Kid growls, helping House turn you on your side.

“Yeah, he-.” House freezes, eyes wide. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong doc?”

“Kid.” She looks up at him, and the look on her face already had his temper flaring. “You have to stay calm, Kid.” 

“Tryin’.” He snarls.

“Try harder.” House instructs forcefully. “You have to put her back on the exam table for me.” She orders, one hand on the girl, one hand on Kid’s arm. “You hearing me?”

“Yeah.”

“Put her on the exam table.”

“Yeah.”

Kid finally starts moving, and House moves with him. The water in the hall is a small price to pay, and so House doesn’t say anything about it.

Hybrids aren’t all that different from humans. Unlike actual cows, they’re smart, adaptable, and as far as Kid and his friends were concerned, perfectly capable of ruling the world. Aside from a few differences like horns on bulls, tails, bovine ears, and body hair that could get a little thick like fur down the back, stomach and shoulders, they could look human.

Tails were about the only consistent indicator of a hybrid, the rest could come and go, and a good many hybrids only had tails. Everything else was human. It didn’t make ‘em human, and it didn’t make them less of a hybrid, it was just how genetics worked. On the other side of that, one of Kid’s bulls had bovine legs, which was the other end of the extremes.

If you had any fur the abuse might’ve caused it to fall out, patches of your hair had rinsed out in the bath, but House hadn’t gotten around to washing it properly before she had Kid put you back on the exam table. Fur usually matched hair color, but right now he couldn’t even be sure the hair color was correct.

He already knew, though, what House had noticed, even as he laid you back in the room. It took everything he had to keep from going mad with rage, but if he lost his cool he’d break the clinic and risk you and House.

“Go get Killer.” House commands.

“House-.”

“Get the fuck out of my clinic, Eustass Kid, before you lose your calm, and send in Killer. Forewarn him and send him in.” She commands. The only time House has, or uses, any authority is in times of medical need. She doesn’t stop anyone from doing what they do, she just patches people up afterward, and sometimes she’s patching people up she beat the shit out of if they fought in her clinic.

“And if you find who did this, I want to talk to them!” She shouts out after him.

Kid hears her, even over the rage pounding in his ears. He hears her and in a way it helps him calm down. Kid was big and harsh, a great weight that beat into the world around him until it gave way to what he wanted. There was finesse in a sense, but he was by the old adage, a bull in a shop of fine wares, and Kid didn’t give a shit about things that weren’t his.

You might not be, technically, his, but you were on his land and you’d asked for his help. His first compulsion was to find the person who abused you like that and break them in half. 

Simple. Effective. Elegant in its own way.

But too gods-forsaken-quick.

House, rough around the edges as she was, was a doctor. A needle that slipped between the seams, and exacting presence comparatively. House would fix the bones he’d break, and make it hurt worse the entire time, inflicting at least half as much pain as your abuser probably deserved.

Now the trick was going to be keeping the fucker alive in the first place. Once Kid figured out who it was, he was going to have to keep his own red-laced rage in check enough to bring House anything more than a corpse.

Fucker cut off your tail.

[saveahorserideaneddie]

9-1-1 s9 ep 1: “Fault Line”

To Preface:

This is a long ass post that I am putting under a cut for ease if scrolling by if you don’t feel like reading. This is literally just a fun little outline of how I would write the season opener if I were showrunner- obviously it’s not going to be perfect, and if it were ever a real episode there would absolutely be edits made- this is just me having fun.

For context this is set about three-ish months after the end of s8, and would take place in late September-ish in my head. It does end on a cliffhanger since it’s only the opening episode of the opening disaster, but I might be compelled to write outlines for the other two (idk tho so im not gonna promise anything)

and last but not least: some actions/words from some of these characters might come off as cold/harsh, but this is literally not even half a year after bobby died so like- none of them have passed the grieving stage yet and are still not in great mental states- in my head a lot if the initial conflicts between characters that would not usually be fighting would be resolved by the third episode, but since this is only the first of three, those conflicts will not be resolved here. again- this will end on somewhat of a cliffhanger, but it’s nothing like drastic; just a basic “oh shit that just happened” ending

anyway if you’re still here, i hope you enjoy my long ass post :))) <3

9x01: “Fault Line”

We open on Athena staying in May’s apartment with her while she hunts for a new place. Athena goes through her morning routine, and we see that she’s on depression meds. Her morning seems to go well, but May is definitely Concerned™️ about her, even if she doesn’t say anything. Athena arrives at her precinct, greeting everyone, going about her morning, changing into her uniform. She goes out on patrol, and we see her chase a few bad guys, run a few tickets, just casual stuff, nothing crazy, until all of a sudden as she’s driving- what she thinks is a small earthquake hits and she pulls off to the side of the road to make sure everyone is okay. After a few moments, she hears another rumbling sound- she thinks it might be an aftershock, but when she turns around she sees a new highrise building collapsing, filling the streets around them with rubble as she and a few other pedestrians enter a storefront to avoid the rubble.

Cue: “9-1-1” intro screen

“A Few Days Ago”

Athena is in therapy with Frank, who is asking her how she’s doing. She is obviously masking her grief, telling him that she’s moved past it and has to focus on doing her job. He tells her that there is nothing wrong with still processing her grief over losing her husband, that no one would blame her for taking time. She tells him that the last time she lost someone, she held onto that grief for 30 years before she was able to let it go and it hardened her, and that she didn’t want to do the same with Bobby. Frank then asks how the 118 is doing in the wake of Bobby’s death.

Cut to, the 118 responding to a call. Chim is acting captain, Buck and Ravi are on heavy rescue, and and Eddie is partnered with Hen as a paramedic. Immediately, something is off- everyone is working well, doing their job, but the energy has shifted. Initially it seems to be because Bobby is gone, but as the rescue goes- a small sinkhole- we see that Eddie is pointedly ignoring Buck, while Hen and Chim are being snippy with each other- poor Ravi just stressed and confused as usual. After a few cliche “will they save the day” moments, they do save the day and begin to pack up the scene; this is where we really see the awkward tension in the group.

Commercial Break

They return to the station where it’s the end of their shift. Buck asks Eddie how Chris is enjoying high school so far, and Eddie gives him a short, clipped answer before walking away. Buck is left looking like a sad dog, before he turns to see Chim making his way to the captain’s office. He calls out for him and asks if he wants Buck to record Jee’s dance recital. Chim tells him that there’s no need, and that there’s no way he’s missing Jee’s first recital. Ravi comments on the fact that Chim looks exhausted before he and Buck walk out of the station together.

Athena gets home to find May on the phone with someone- she tells them that her mom just got home and that she needs to go, but she’ll text them later. Athena asks who that was and May tells her that it was just a friend. She asks Athena how therapy went, and Athena tells her “it was therapy.” May then asks how Athena is adjusting to her new medication, and Athena tells her that she’s adjusting fine. May asks if she wants to talk about it and Athena deflects, changing the subject to May’s senior year of college.

Hen gets home to find Karen alone in the house. She asks where Denny and Mara are, and Karen tells her that they both had sleepovers planned since it was a weekend. Hen looks a little dejected, and Karen asks her what’s wrong. Hen tells her that she feels like with extracurriculars and sleepovers, she feels like they never see the kids anymore. Karen tells her that their kids are growing up, and that they have their own personalities and lives. Hen sighs and tells her that she’s not sure she’s ready to acknowledge that her kids are growing up, and Karen tells her that their kids will be in college, and they still won’t be ready for them to grow up. Karen then says that there’s one good thing about the kids not being there though, Hen asking her what that is before Karan grabs her hand and pulls her towards their bedroom.

While they wait for Jee’s recital to start, Buck is venting to Maddie about how Eddie isn’t speaking to him and he doesn’t understand why. Maddie tells him that maybe Eddie’s busy with Chris starting high school, and having to shift to being a paramedic while Chim is intirum captain. Buck counters with the fact that Eddie would have asked for help if that were the case, but that he hasn’t. He tells Maddie that he’s been trying to give Eddie and Chris space to get settled after moving back but that this feels like he’s being iced out. Maddie suggests that maybe Eddie feels a bit like Buck’s been ignoring him, spending more time with Ravi lately, but Buck disagrees saying that he still tries to talk to Eddie, so he can’t possibly feel like Buck is ignoring him. Before they can continue, Jee’s recital starts and they look around for Chim who hasn’t gotten there yet.

Cut to the fire house where Chim has passed out in the captain’s chair, being woken up by the B shift captain, telling him it’s now almost 8. Chim panics, rushing out of the firehouse to his car, speeding through LA to get to Jee’s school, only to find that the recital had finished.

Commercial Break

Maddie arrives at Dispatch the next day, Josh asking how Jee’s recital went, and Maddie tells him it went fine, but that Chim was beating himself up over missing it. Maddie tells Josh that she tried to make sure Chim knew it wasn’t the end of the world, but that there was no consoling for him. She tells him that Chim took the kids out for the day to make it up to himself. Her attention is caught by Linds informing a caller that a noise complaint is not a valid reason to dial 9-1-1, before she hangs up and looks at Maddie and Josh telling them that another person called about the new luxury high rise being built. Maddie says that the site is right next to the 118 and that Chim says that the construction can be heard all day during a shift and that it’s hard to concentrate on anything because of how loud it is.

Buck knocks on Eddie’s door, waiting for him to answer. Eddie opens the door and Buck notices he’s dressed to go out. He asks what Eddie is doing and Eddie tells him that he’s having lunch with Karen and Hen. Buck asks if Chris is doing anything and Eddie tells him that Chris is at his friends’ for the weekend. Buck tells Eddie that he had hoped they might be able to hang out that day, to which Eddie says, maybe some other time, before pushing past him and leaving Buck alone on the doorstep.

Athena drives by her and Bobby’s old house, watching from her patrol car as the family who bought the house leave for some sort of weekend activity. She sits there for a moment before silently driving away.

Eddie is at the Wilsons’ for lunch- the three of them laughing over something as Karen sets a tray of sandwiches down on the table. The conversation shifts to Chris starting high school. Eddie tells them it’s been an adjustment, that the house is a bit emptier without him there all the time since he has so many clubs he’s a part of. Hen tells Eddie he needs to get out more. Karen scoffs and jokingly calls Hen a hypocrite before telling Eddie about thier conversation from the night before about not beign ready for kids to grow up. Eddie attests to the reality of that and says he still wishes he could carry Chris around in his arms and play legos with the kid, but that that’s the beauty of growing up- they become their own person and that they need the freedom to explore themselves and learn who they are; adding on that he knows from personal experience how not getting that opportunity can mess with you. Karen points out Eddie’s words of wisdom and he shrugs, saying therapy has helped him and that all that time alone leaves him with a lot of time to think. He then pivots the conversation back to Hen’s feelings on her empty nest syndrome and tellls her that if she had accepted the captain position she wouldn’t feel this way. Hen deadpans that she’s already pissed at Chim, jokingly warning Eddie not to piss her off too.

May and Buck are getting coffee- Buck thanking her for agreeing to meet with him. May jokes that she misses their brother-sister coffe dates to which Buck roles his eyes but smiles all the same. Buck notices May texting someone with a smile on her face, asking who she’s talking to, her telling him it’s none of his business. Buck says “so there is someone” before May deflects by asking if he’s been seeing anybody lately. Buck tells her that he’s taking a break from dating- taking Maddie’s advice and learning to be alone before he tries to start another relationship. He explains that he’s always felt like he’s always grown attached to his partners too quickly, often romanticizing what they had to the point where he thought his feelings were stronger than they were, when in reality he didn’t really ever like his exes deep down except for taylor and abby. He says that by learning to be alone he’s training himself not to latch on to his partner. May tells him that she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with being attached to your partner as long as it’s genuine and built off of true commitment and trust- not just immediately throwing yourselves at each other. saying that that love needs to grow snd build before going all in. That she learned that from her mom and Bobby. Buck asks her how she’s doing and May tells him that she’s just worried for her mom. Buck tells her that he’s there for her if she needs him, and May thanks him. May gets a notification on her phone- Buck joking that it’s her someone before she tells him no- that she has Athena on Find My Friends now, and that Athena was just at their old house.

Commercial Break

Athena gets home and May asks her how her day was. Athena tells her it was a slow shift and that she’s hoping that the next day might be a little more exciting. May stays quiet for a moment, Athena asking if she’s okay before May tells her that she knows Athena went by the house today. Athena asks her what she means and May reminds her that after she left for college, they shared their locations with each other on Find My Friends, and that she still gets notifications for the old house, and she got one that Athena was there. She asks what she was doing and Athena deflects telling her that she responded to a call on the street and that’s all- May of course sees right through this, telling her that she’s not upset that Athena was there, it’s that Athena is clearly not okay and that she wants her to be honest with her. Athena argues that she is being honest, but May tells her she knows she’s not- that she knows her mom well enough to know that’s not true. That she misses Bobby too and she’s still not over it- that she doesn’t think she ever will be- but that bottling it up and ignoring the problem will just make it worse, telling Athena that she’s already lost one parent, she can’t lose another. Athena stays silent, turning and leaving the room as she goes to her own room- tears streaming down her face.

Maddie gets home from her shift to find Chim sitting on the couch, watching Jee’s recital on their tv, looking dejected. Maddie asked how his day was and Chim responded by saying that Jee asked why he missed her recital. Maddie sympathetically tries to tell him that she’ll understand when she’s a little older that Chim’s job is important. Chim cuts her off by saying that his job is not more important than his daughter- that he’s already missing so much of Jee’s kindergarten events, and that Robbie is growning so quickly that Chim feels like he blinks and the baby’s grown two sizes. He tells Maddie that he had an absent father, and that he doesn’t want his kids to feel thst same way. Maddie tries to tell him that they won’t have an absent father, but Chim scoffs telling her that that’s what he feels like. He storms off, leaving Maddie alone on the couch- Jee’s recital still playing as she starts to cry.

We then see the same montage of Athena getting ready for work, only this time after she leaves May’s apartment we cut to

A shift arriving at the firehouse. Ravi is filling Buck in on something that happened to him on their days off, Eddie side-eyeing them as he silently makes his way into the locker room. Ravi greets Eddie, getting nothing but a small noncommittal “hey” in return. Ravi doesn’t think anything of it, going back into his story but Buck cuts him off asking Eddie what his problem is. Eddie looks at him- shock, anger, hurt on his face- asking what Buck just said.

Cut to Hen sighing as she sits down in the loft. Chim is silently sitting at the table, eating his breakfast. She comments on the weekend being rough, saying that the kids were all out of the house and she was bored out of her mind with no one there. Chimney scoffs at that, Hen asking what’s the matter.

We see interspersed Athena’s montage of calls.

Buck repeats himself asking what Eddie’s problem is.

Chim tells Hen that he missed Jee’s first dance recital because he was so bone tired from all the paperwork he had to do that he fell asleep in the officd.

Eddie squares up and says Buck is his problem. Ravi asking no one in particular “uhh what’s going on” but he gets ignored.

Hen asks why Chim is catching an attitude with her, and he snaps- telling her its her fault for not accepting the job that everyone assumed she wanted having been interim captain for before that now he’s having to donit and is missing important milestones in his kids’ lives while Hen is sitting still home apparently twiddling her thumbs.

Eddie tells Buck that ever since he moved back with Chris, it’s like Buck doesn’t even exist anymore- that he moved out without even mentioning it to Eddie, he stopped coming over, and that Chris keeps asking what he did wrong. Buck tells Eddie that he’s not ignoring them to which Eddie tells him that it sure feels like it.

Hen, getting defensive, tells Chim that he’s being unfair, but Chim snaps back that it’s unfair that he’s missing his kids’ lives because he’s doing what should be Hen’s job.

At that moment the small earthquake hits. Chim jumps to action telling everyone to standby and be prepared for calls to come rolling in any moment. Hen grabs Chim’s arm, stopping him from walking away. She asks if Chim really blames her for all of it, and Chim frowns, telling her that he doesn’t see who else’s fault it would be.

Just then, the station begins rumbling again- Chim saying “aftershock” before they start hearing screams from outside, followed by large crashes. Chim looks out on of the windows and notices the sight if rubble falling from the sky- realizing what must be happening. He shouts out over the firehouse for everyone to take cover right as a wave if debris and rubble crashes into the fire house.

After a few moments, Hen and Chim help each other to their feet- asking if each other is alright before assessing the damage. Chim mutters “holy shit” under his breath as the camera turns around to show almost the entirety of the engine bat filled with rubble- burrying the engine, ladder truck, and rig under layers if debris. Buck, Eddie and Ravi are all unharmed and trapped in the locker room while a few other A shift members are scattered around the firehouse with small cuts and bruises. Hen says “that’s not good” before the scene cuts to black.

Roll Credits

[falesiastuff]

Hello everyone! I am not happy to make this announcement. I have given a lot of thought to whether to write something or just let it go, allowing time to take its course and see if anything has changed. But I fear that is not the case. I am also a little ashamed to talk about it, but I think it is right, both for me to let it out and acknowledge it, and for all of you who follow me and are wonderful people.

I fear that I have touched the point of burnout, or I am fully in it, I don't know. I only recently spoke about it with my therapist, and her way of dealing with it set off alarm bells. Something is wrong. It is my head that tells me that, but also my body, which has decided to play a little trick on me. Nothing to worry about, but those are signs not to be underestimated.

My current condition is a combination of many things, accumulated over the past few months, between my real job that I do every day, extra commitments that I have taken on related to that, family and relationship issues that lead me to live on a roller coaster, personal regrets, difficulties in relating to others. So many and too many challenges altogether that have put me to the test since last November. Rediscovering drawing was like holding on to a lifeline; it was a way to escape, hide, not face reality, and hold on to a dream that, well, is a dream, and I cannot currently rely on external factors beyond my control to be able to make it come true. I don't regret having started drawing again at all. On the contrary, I rediscovered a very important part of me, and I won't abandon it, and it brought me into contact with a beautiful community. But I also exaggerated.

I don't like to say this, but throwing myself into this comic project was a bit too much. The classic beginner's mistake, or my problem with the fact that I never know how to create short and simple stories XD. I know that it's nothing serious to stop, interrupt what you're doing, and take a step back. Most of the time, it's a sign of great strength and introspection. But at the same time, it weighs and burns a bit. But I just can't continue. So, for those who were following the story of Emmrich and Kate and wanted to know how it would develop, you can write to me privately and I'll share the summary I created, (I warn you though that it's badly written, I did it for myself and not for people to read it XD). I'm sorry.

I'll continue to draw, maybe I'll create other characters, I'll throw myself into experimenting to find my own way of doing things. It's not said that I won't return to do fan art of Emmrich and Kate every now and then, maybe I'll do something. But single illustrations and nothing more. As for comics, I really enjoyed approaching it and I find it to be a really beautiful medium, complicated like few things, but very creative and full of opportunities. Maybe later I'll do something again, but something very small and simple, if I can think of one XD.

In addition, I've noticed that social media has also stolen a considerable amount of energy from me, so forgive me if you see me interacting very little. I've never been very social, I'm a very introverted person who prefers to interact with a few people. And unfortunately, I see this reflected in social media too, alas.

So, don't worry if I don't answer you individually, and don't be anxious. I feel better the moment I became aware of my state and decided to take a step back. So don't worry, okay? I'll still be bothering you with my silly drawings. Oh gosh, listen to how serious this whole thing is hahahah. Maybe I shouldn't even do this, it's nothing special after all XD.

[jacky-rubou]

talking to myself in the shower has got me actually interested in a character dynamic I haven't seen developed that much in this fandom outside of passing mentions, in a way that i'd be down to writing a fic exploring it once i'm done with the one i'm currently writing.

a few days ago i was browsing reddit when i saw that one of the questions on the r/AskReddit subreddit was about people's experiences with pathological liars in their life. some of the answers were very interesting and sparked my thoughts on the Stans' experience with their Ma, who has been stated to be a pathological liar in the show but the show doesn't do much about it outside of like... a joke.

so like, what if i explored how their mom lying about everything would affect their relationship with her? one of my thoughts was how Ford would eventually stop trying to win her affections because he stopped being able to trust that she was telling the truth that she loved them. Or how Stan would hold out a bit more hope that she genuinely loved him despite his own occasional misgivings, but it's shattered when she also doesn't say anything when he's kicked out.

maybe stan on one of his calls home decides he'd rather believe she's telling the truth, even though he doesn't trust her. maybe goes to his own funeral and feels vindicated for believing in her love when she's one of the only ones there. then she's just casually lying about things in his life during her eulogy, like she doesn't know him that much or know how not to lie about her own son. then that's the moment he knows she never really loved him. not enough not to lie in the most egregious ways that aren't just to soften the blow for the funeral as people do.

but also maybe Stan uses her lying for his own benefit, learning from her even though he doesn't think she loves him as much as she says she does. idk, exploring how he notices himself becoming like his mom and feeling conflicted about it. certainly would be an interesting trait to carry from one of the parents to one of the twins, feels fresher than the comparisons from Filbrick to either of the twins (especially Ford, ngl but who am i to say something about that), at least to me.

maybe time skip, the old Stans start talking about Caryn and her strange tendencies to lie about everything. maybe talking about the confusing feelings about if she loved them for real or if that was a lie too. maybe coming to the conclusion that she was a terrible liar of a parent that hurt them in different ways than their father did, even if she intended to mean well. that she only sowed distrust in them that soured their relationship with each other in some ways. or something.

idk, just something a little different than the run of the mill characterization of her that i see all the time (and am guilty of myself /lighthearted) where she's just a kind mother who tried her best, in a way that ignores the pathological liar bit that we get in canon (even though that inclusion was done in a more joking manner than anything else)

[serpentface]

The pylidaigh, a type of vampiric snow ghost, as imagined in folklore in and around the Highlands.

This is a ghost believed to come into being when a person dies in the snow and their body is not found before their soul (still trapped without its funeral rites) 'freezes' inside of it. The body then reanimates into a pylidaigh's twisted form. It looks like someone who slowly died of starvation, just a thin layer of flesh over bones. Its skin is as white as the snow itself, so pale it can blend seamlessly into a blizzard. Most of its body appears subtly stretched and lanky, save for its exceptionally unsubtle long, skinny arms, which drag on the ground behind it when it walks. After a big meal of blood, its belly swells like the abdomen of a tick.

A pylidaigh can only tread across snow and ice, and so doorways and windows are best kept clear of snowfall during the winter in order to prevent it from reaching inside. It mostly comes out to hunt during blizzards when there is little that can prevent it from catching its victims.

In spite of its fragile appearance, a pylidaigh is supernaturally strong, and can run at great speeds when it wants to. No mortal weapons can pierce its body, nor can any bonds known to craftsmen hold it in place. It is usually said that chains forged like iron but made out of ice can bind a pylidaigh and render it immobile, but this smithing technique remains tragically elusive to the average joe.

This ghost is either cast as a wildly dangerous but tragic figure, or one that is more simply malicious. In either case, it is described as experiencing nothing but bitter cold. It shivers endlessly. It retains distant memories of what it was to be alive, and it is motivated by a futile desperation to experience the feeling of warmth again.

In more sympathetic framings, it is described as using its freaky gibbon arms to capture its victims and pull them into an embrace, rather innocently trying to warm itself against their body. This inevitably fails, and the embrace becomes a bone crushing squeeze. When that too fails to warm the ghost, it rips out the person's throat and drinks their blood until the victim is as cold and drained as the pylidaigh itself.

In other cases, this more pitiable narrative of a ghost seeking warmth with no comprehension of its actions is discarded in favor of making it purely monstrous. Here it is a type of vampire with an insatiable thirst, practically a physical manifestation of the worst of winter itself. Some tales acknowledge both variants, suggesting a pylidaigh's violent attempts to warm itself may be initially devoid of malice, but turns into an act of furious jealousy of the warmth of the living after years of suffering.

The only (more or less) surefire method to permanently kill a roaming pylidaigh involves trapping it with fire. They are attracted to any source of heat, and will attempt to warm themselves with the flames (if not tempted away by a juicy living human body). The fire itself cannot kill them (as the sheer cold of their body is more powerful even than flame) but they can be trapped if kept near the fire long enough for the snow it depends upon to melt. This does not kill the pylidaigh either. The monster will remain in stuck in place (and potentially become a threat again if it snows more) for the duration of the winter. Only when the spring comes and all the snow melts does it revert into a normal human carcass (though mysteriously invulnerable to decay), at which point it can be cremated.

Pylidaigh in the wilds also revert to a human corpse during the snowless seasons, but will roam again each following winter unless it is burnt in the interim. It is of critical importance that any human corpse found in high mountain pasture is cremated- not only out of respect for the poor soul trapped as an earthbound ghost, but to prevent the threat of the possible dormant pylidaigh emerging next winter.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Alrighty. I hate saying this, but. I'm probably going to delete the ship discourse asks in my inbox. Too many in there now and my mind is too clear to want to answer them

I think we've all been harsh with each other recently. Shouldn't have had to sleep on that, shouldn't have taken me longer than a few minutes to realize that, but idk. I went to bed last night and woke up this morning and... remembered how old I am and that I have better things to care about lol. But seriously, this recent update has really gotten to people's heads, mine included unfortunately, so I think we all need to take a step back and reevaluate ourselves

To try to explain (not excuse) myself personally. I, my friends and acquaintances, and our little fan community have gotten so much harassment for so long that now that the story is sort of tipping in our favor, I felt... vindicated. TOO vindicated this time around lol. For years and years now we have all been viciously mocked, shunned, called misogynists, called abuse apologists, we've been told to kill ourselves, we've been told bad things should happen to our loved ones. I couldn't help but feel smug when episodes 7 and 8 dropped, and then episodes 9 and 10 pushed me into being legitimately petty and mean. Like, all of this harassment was already pointless, now it's even more pointless because BxA is canon. Sore winner, "they hated Jesus because he told the truth" type shit lol

But... That's dumb. All of this is dumb. They're just video game characters. I'm an adult with adult responsibilities lol. None of this is worth getting bent out of shape about, on any side. Nothing wrong with respectful conversation and debate, but it hasn't really been that this time around. It's been gloating. Teabagging. And that's not cool. So I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone with anything I've said. I'm happy about Eternalberry but I've gotten TOO happy haha. I've regained mental clarity and thus the realization that I've started becoming part of the problem. I'm genuinely sorry for that. I want to go back to regular dork levels. Being spiteful and petty sucks, even if it's "justified"

Since I feel bad for leaving those asks awaiting deletion, A) mea culpa mea maxima culpa to those who sent them, nothing against any of you I just want to put the discourse to rest, and B) they all more or less say the same things so I'll just go ahead and bullet point my responses:

TikTok is perhaps the worst social media app ever created, it is an actual blight on society to almost biblical proportions, you are a fool if you listen to anything anyone has to say on there, your first mistake was going there in the first place, Tiktok Delenda Est

Twitter is definitely the worst social media app ever created, it is a blight on society that John meant to record in the Book of Revelation but didn't know how to describe it properly because the internet didn't exist 2000-ish years ago, you are a fool if you listen to anything anyone has to say on there, your first mistake was going there in the first place, Twitter Delenda Est, let's all point and laugh at the Trump-Musk divorce instead

Hero/villain ships are as old as human civilization and fandom nerds today have gotten really uptight about them, it's dumb and honestly really bizarre considering how prevalent it is in almost every piece of media, if someone doesn't like the trope that's perfectly fine it's not for everyone it does get pretty dark but a lot of people seem to put on gestapo uniforms when they're brought up now and it's a waste of time and energy. No one is holding a gun to your heads you guys, you don't need to do it to anyone yourselves

It's nice that I've apparently managed to convince some people to be more open-minded about BxA and hero/villain shipping as a whole, welcome to the club glad to have you, I'm sorry you've had to see some of us do our "obnoxious clown" routine recently, don't worry I'm washing my makeup off rn

I'm disappointed but unsurprised that BxA fans have been getting death threats in places, unfortunately that's how it's always been and it will continue to be that way even if all 5 pairs marry and have sex onscreen. No amount of canonizing in the narrative will change some people's minds. No amount of reasoning or olive branches will make them realize how ridiculous they are. Just have to accept it and ignore them

Cookie Run Kingdom is Baby's First Fandom for a lot of people, and a lot of them are actual, literal children, so all the black and white thinking and lack of understanding and respect makes sense, sadly. This is why I put my age in my blog description haha

Rule of thumb for me personally is to just block people who post hate in ship tags tbh. Spare us both the trouble. I've only responded to one post ever, and it was because the person was asking an honest question in a reasonable way so I thought it was fine to engage. I'd rather not engage people who want to attack and not actually talk. Blocking does us both a favor, I don't have to see meaningless hate on my dash and in tags I follow and they don't have to see content about ships they don't like from me. Win-win

Now, with all that said, I want to say some things I've said before, but would like to reiterate loudly and clearly one more time:

You do not have to like Beast x Ancient. It's perfectly fine and reasonable if you don't. It's not for everyone. Whatever your reasons are, I believe and accept them. I post about them a lot because I love them a lot, and I like talking about things I like. I do my best to tag properly so my weirdo babble is easier to filter out. My posts are more or less just preaching to the choir, I think lol. It's fine if you don't like that, it's fine if you don't like BurningCheese or Eternalberry, it's fine if you don't like Beast x Ancient. I am not your mortal enemy if you don't like them. I'm happy to talk to and be friends with people who don't. I already do so often haha

Furthermore, I want you all to know that no matter what I say about ships I don't like, I don't care if you do like them. I am not out to get you for liking things I don't. Which dolls you decide you like to make kiss is not my problem. I am not your mother, I am not your dictator, I am not God. My opinions are just that, no one is obligated to listen to me or take anything I say to heart. Yes, there are ships I legitimately hate with a passion, but I do not hate the people who like them. Not at all. That's a stupid thing to dislike someone for. I talk to and am friends with lots of people who like things I don't, both on here and irl. The world gets really lonely really fast if you refuse to engage with people who don't march lockstep with you. Especially with regards to fucking Cookie Run lol

Let's all give this nonsense a rest now. This is dumb. I'm dumb. We're all dumb. Let's stop being dumb. I'm happy to coexist peacefully with others. We'll all live happier lives focusing more on things we love than things we hate

[crybaby-bkg]

wanna bug Toji soooo bad while he’s on the phone. his ass doesn’t have a job so it’s not like he’s discussing important business, but he likes to make it look that way. phone tucked between his shoulder and ear as he uses one hand to rub circles on your exposed thigh, the other flipping through the tv channels. he’s speaking in a low tone, his eyebrows mused together in agitation as he calls the guy on the other line a barrage of insulting names.

and you’re just a simple person—the man looks hot as fuck like that and you just have to bother him. so you do, despite the side eye he gives you when you swing your leg over, foot in the air, right in his face. he swats you away gently before going back to his phone call, bites at your toes when you still try to wiggle them in his face.

"If you think you can lowball me like that, then you're stupider than I thought." Toji grunts to the other man on the phone, distracted once more. a little peeved that his attention isn't on you much anymore, you do what any little conniving imp would do.

you sit on his lap. backwards, facing the TV, looking over your shoulder at him with such an evil little grin that it makes his eyes squint to you in warning. but you've never listened much, especially when you know you'll be rewarded so plentifully in the end.

so you rock your hips, just slightly the first few times. your legs sat on either side of him, hands resting in the space between his legs on the bed, leaning your weight back on his hips that you sit against. instantly, you can feel the swell of him beneath his sweats, feel the thickness that you love to fill you up start to twitch when you circle your hips, grinding them oh so slowly against his covered cock.

when you look over your shoulder again, Toji only stares, the slightest lilt of his lip turning up at the corners. he tries to act unbothered, one arm bent back to rest his head against, the other holding the phone to his ear. but you can see through him, and feel just how bothered he really is.

so you up the ante; start to lift and drop your hips slow, slow, slow at first before the pace begins to build. you lean forward on your elbows, pull your underwear up until the curve of your ass is exposed, gasping from the friction, from the feeling of his cock rubbing so sweetly at your slit through the thin cotton.

you look over your shoulder once more, grinning, biting at your lip as you grind against him, close to completion. he can see it all in your eyes.

"Gonna call you back later. Got some important shit to take care of right now." Toji hangs up without preamble, gaze distant as he focuses on the ever growing spot of your arousal that starts to leak onto his own sweats.

but you're a little minx, with the way you scramble from his grasp before he can catch you, laughing when he snags your ankle to drag you back down. he's suddenly kneeling over you, grin sharp and ferocious, the straining of his cock through his sweats hanging so intimidatingly low, that if you lift your hips just a little, his tip would kiss your clit in the sweetest kiss.

"And where do you think you're going, you little brat?" Toji growls, dropping down to nip at the base of your neck, licking over your pulse point.

"Not letting me off the hook that easy, huh?" you tease, hands splayed beside your head in surrender, just wanting a little bit of the chase before the devouring. and by the look in his eyes, you know you'll only be bones by morning.

"Not in a million years." he promises right before the inevitable pounce.

[everythingsbetterunderthestars]

Writing is so fucking fun you guys

[ljubimaya]

shout out to me when I thought this would be no more than 8k words. You damn fool

[turbo-tsundere]

hello! i've been a follower for a little while because of how beautifully you render gonta. i just wanted to thank you for the different ways you portray him- both the beautiful and the messy -and how it's helped me a lot with my emotional state. i don't know if this makes sense, but your art gives off such a sense of calm strength perfect for gonta and i just wanted to say thanks for all the good gonta contents. take care

Thank you so much, for seeing my stuff in such positive way, and also for sharing your thoughts with me - it really cheered me up. I had no clue my art can have such vibe and effect on someone… O<-< You take care, too!

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

genuine question but is there any fandom where a character is well written by the majority. im thinking about fandom culture and the spread of frustration when people dont write characters well but. honestly in all the fandoms ive been in there's only like, a Select number of authors who i trust to write Well, let alone write Well AND In Character. character analysis and writing and getting inside characters' heads are all separate skills (all of which are trained by roleplaying fyi can CONFIRM playing pretend with your friends is good for you). there's been more than once where I've disagreed with an interpretation that others agreed with, and then I turned out wrong. or i turned out right. like it doesnt matter WHO is right it just matters that differences in character analysis exist, so even if you DO write well AND write in character, your in character is still going to be someone else's out of character

there's this sort of. vibe. that to play in the sandbox you Need to be able to make a castle, and if you can't make a castle then you shouldn't bother, and it completely dismisses the idea that youre in that sandbox to PLAY in the first place. there's this Weight of disappointing someone if you can't build something that they like, but that forgets that you aren't there to build them a castle. like, be KIND. if you disagree with someone then please make an effort to do so kindly. i dont give a shit about fandom discourse but there is a reason kids get removed from sandboxes if they keep throwing sand in people's eyes. but if they don't like your misshapen sand pile, then youre not obligated to change it. even if you yourself end up hating that same sand pile later- youre not building a legacy. youre playing. and sometimes the result of that play is out of character drivel. theres a reason there are so many authors and so few who i like to consistently read and thats because everyone is Fucking Around in their hobby space. hash tag brag or whatever but i can build castles. ive built several that im v proud of. ive also dug holes in the sand for fun and then tripped on them when trying to get up. I often dug a hole and then got up and fucking- whoops, its a castle now, and i didn't realize i'd made something to be proud of until after the fact. the whole time while creating shit i was Convinced it was bullshit that didn't make sense. and then other times i was Convinced it was bullshit and then i was Right and i can look back and go. huh. ew. but it doesn't matter what the end result was, because i had fun playing in the sandbox

this wasn't meant to turn into a ramble but i have Feelings about bad art and art that's badly perceived and how public perception can screw with your head and how making art youre proud of is fucking. it's so difficult!!! it's hard!! it's really fun, which is why i try to make it, but i promise you it is Okay to not tryhard creativity. even if you CAN, it's okay not to do it all the time. or ever, even. fuck around find out have fun etc

[cannibalisticsamdean]

debating on whether or not to write another grieving mpreg!sam fic where he finds out he’s pregnant the day after deans death

[saltedsolenoid]

nothing of any significance but I had been looking for yr artfight like a week ago (had found it like... last year ? But didnt bookmark or anythubg like a DIPSHIT!!!) and was trying every combination of poisonous berries under the sun. Eventually got to blueberries but gave up before actually finding it . I do not know how to spell poisonous (solved via a quick search) nor did I know what the plural of "blueberry" was. Dead set on spelling it blueberrys. Like an idiot. Anyway I don't know how I planned on ending this ask what if I start it again. Hi sydnay twigehr arcademeptne live in your inbox wirh another ask for you today we're asking

o, the curse of artfight remains eternal 😔

[icewindandboringhorror]

Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...

[sereniv]

going to take an internet break just for a few days, ive been wanting to anyway because i get too distracted from my phone especially tumblr and instagram.

i got so many messages on that post, and im learning quite a bit which im thankful for, and im going through answering people but it is overwhelming, theres so many split threats and messages its hard to keep track

i definitely recognize how my post came off, regardless of my intent, and thank you for everyone being patient but i also am not mad at people who arent.

I think after a few days ill be able to read more. bc rn anything longer than a paragraph turns to soup