#so now they will be everyone's problem

[owlithere]

I need an AU happening during the founding era where Tobirama and Izuna are doing suspicious things™, but like in Phineas and Ferb, every time someone wants to tell about it to Madara and Hashirama, the problem in question magically disappears or is dismissed by them as nonsense (an extra plus if Hashirama and Madara themselves cannot tell each other about their suspicions concerning the other one's brother)

something along the lines of:

Hashirama: Madara, why did you never tell me that Izuna is friends with the emperor! Madara: …, because they are not in a friendly relationship? Hashirama, frowns slightly: Then how does Izuna know that the Emperor has stomach problems after eating pork? Madara, after hesitation: He once mentioned that he gets along well with the palace medic…. Hashirama, satisfied enough with his explanation: Oh a medic! That's fortunate because I wanted to send him 15kg as a gift. Madara, in disbelief: You wanted to send 15kg of pork as a gift to the emperor! We would have come out as such cheapskates…. - - - Madara: I'm pretty sure your brother is trying to create a zombie. Hashirama, without a second thought: Impossible, the last time he did it was after the death of our last brother and he promised not to try to revive them again. Madara, not allowing himself to be knocked off track: But I saw him in the graveyard mumbling strange things…. Hashirama, smiling: Tobira’ said something earlier about expanding cemetery space and burial rights! You never told me that the Uchiha burn their dead! Madara: How was I supposed to tell you that when we were at war!

both chatter enough that they are unable to return to the original problem

random shinobi: Hashirama-sama, Madara-sama, it's Tobirama-sama and Izuna-sama again! Hashirama and Madara, simultaneously: Did something happened to them! Are they fighting again? Random shinobi, in fear: Not this time! But Tobirama-sama said they were going hunting together! Hashirama, happy: But that's good, they're finally starting to get along better! Madara, scoffing: Stop it, as much as it pains me to admit it they have been getting along for a while now - they're just strangely very expressive…. which is something I didn't expect from Tobiram exactly random shinobi, with a slight disbelief that their leaders still do not understand the relationship between their younger brothers: But the problem here is not that they do it as a pair! Just what they're doing together! The companion of a random shinobi, also a shinobi: They were talking about heading to confront Kyubi! Madara, scowling: I'm sure they just wanted to scare you because they knew you were eavesdropping! Izuna has been doing that since he was two! Hashirama, excited: Izuna too! Tobira as well! Hashirama, directing the words to their shinobi: Tobirama promised not to fight any of the tailed beasts. You have nothing to worry about! *changing the scene to Tobirama and Izuna standing in front of Kyubi* Tobirama and Izuna, at the same time: so we wanted to ask… Izuna, interrupting: because we have a bet! Tobirama, focused: Which came first the tailed beasts or the chakra? Kurama, wondering why these two shinobi latched onto him without a fight and are asking strange questions: ??? *Tobirama and Izuna had simply considered the chicken and egg problem and wanted to know the answer from a trusted source*

[chloesimaginationthings]

William Afton winning that “idgaf” award in FNAF

[eggdrawsthings]

Does it ever drive you crazy Just how fast the night changes?

[persephonesecretgarden]

feeling more insecure by the minute

overwhelmed with being desired

[bluegiragi]

everything (part 1)

full version on patreon on bluesky

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A whole new meaning to Gay Chicken.

(For: Anonymous raffle winner!)

[5850154587]

head disciple shen yuan and his two little shidis who for some reason keep sneaking into the beast tamer peak ⛰️🐉

[sharpace]

152. Interloper!

Inspired by recent events.

Crank It Comics  |  Leave a tip! (Ko-Fi) | Store |  BlueSky

[teaboot]

Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.

This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.

You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.

For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.

White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.

Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.

Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.

The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.

There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.

The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"

You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.

Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.

Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.

Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.

If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.

If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.

When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".

[irenespring]

Today I would like to shout out that one random Twitter person who made up that JD Vance bragged about fucking a couch.

Imagine making a random shitpost and less than two months later your joke is being used by a major party nominee for Vice President on live television at his introduction rally, earning him thunderous applause.

That poster must be having quite the experience.

[magistressed]

this stream was one hell of a comeback

one thing is for sure and that's that RT returned with..... a bang

[ilium-ilia]

Kate's wife wants kids.

But adoption is difficult and long, and finding a donor is expensive and soul sucking. She can see the way your eyes widen at the children at the park, at the mothers holding their infants, at the baby clothes you pass in the store. She sees the way you buzz at the mere mention of children; of starting a family.

So eventually, she confides in the man she trusts most: John Price.

Of course, he prefers to do things the old fashioned way.

It's a simple arrangement. He fucks you under her supervision. Head cradled in her lap, she strokes your cheeks as he ruts into you. She talks over his grunts, saying how well you're doing, and she can't wait to see you pregnant; to make you a mom. She's always there to clean up after him, making you come undone on her fingers and tongue until you're a right mess. Kate keeps him updated with weekly texts to see how the tests have gone and when he needs to come back.

He gets you pregnant after only two months (a feat which John prides himself on. Kate thanks him for his efficient work, as usual). Within a year, he's named the godfather of the kid, and you and Kate welcome your sweet little girl into the world.

John is not at all surprised when Kate messages him again two years later asking for that same favor.

[cattoncondy]

Can’t wait for the mimic to end up escaping bc WTF DO YOU MEAN YOURE NOT KILLING IT

anyway I actually hope they do escape bc the mimic is one of my favorites

[sesamestreep]

it’s wild to me that like every modern adaptation of Sherlock Holmes (and by modern I mean “made recently” not “set in modern times”) is like Hell Bent on coming up with a Reason™️ that Watson stays with Holmes and trots around with him on adventures all the time despite the inconvenience and the danger and all, and so it’s like “oh, Watson’s a gambling addict, he loves uncertainty and mystery” or “oh, Watson’s an adrenaline junkie, he gets off on being constantly in danger from criminals” or even like “Watson’s atoning for sins of the past of BEING IN THE WAR by solving crimes with Holmes now” or WHATEVER. And it’s like, girl, maybe he’s just in love! Did you think of that?? Maybe he’s got a crush and it’s making him do stupid things. Maybe he’s just got bad taste and his type is guys who don’t know how to refold newspapers properly but can identify different types of cigar ash by sight, smell, and taste. And wrote a monograph on the subject. Maybe he’s down bad is all. I mean, Keep is simple, stupid!!!

[nikolaj-costerwaldau]

JAIME LANNISTER in every episode: 1.03 // Lord Snow

[zvahlne]

i would find you and pretend to be your fiance while you desperately wish i would shut up in every universe ~ 💚💜