#some shit between him and angel that is valid for him to feel

[horsegirlhob]

I'm not an Angel hater by any means however I do think Spike should get to be as big of a dick to him as he wants to be and people shouldn't get to say shit about it.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

End in FriENDS

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Joaquin Torres x F!Reader

Summary: You and Joaquin have been friends for years, yet you often swing the line between friends and something more. It's come to the point where Joaquin is tired of it. Based off the song FRI(END)S by V.

Joaquin Torres Masterlist

Joaquin was just about to head out the door to meet up with some of his Air Force friends. You were out on a date right now and he didn't want to stay home and sulk. He was ready to go hang with them at a bar, but then you texted him:

Angel: you doing anything tonight? ended the date early.

He pauses at his door and looks at the text again, volleying back and forth between telling you the truth and lying. He sighs and scratches his head. He types out:

Joaquin: I'm free. Come over?

Angel: cool. i'll bring pizza.

Joaquin: sounds good. see you soon!

He steps away from his door and closes it. He pulls up his group chat with his friends and tell them he's backing out. Using the excuse that some stuff come up.

They all gave him shit, rightfully so, but in a more playful manner. Some tried to convince him to still go. Others teased him about him cancelling either due to Captain America or you. But Joaquin didn't respond to those allegations. Instead, he puts the group chat on mute and cleans his place up a little bit.

You're his best friend, so he'd do anything for you...even delaying anything and everything he can do to get over you.

________________________

You and Joaquin are curled up in a pile of blankets and pillows on his living room floor. Love Island plays on his tv and the pizza you brought is nearly finished.

You sigh, pulling a blanket higher up and snuggling into Joaquin's chest.

"So...the date?"

"He was nice...until he started talking about how John Walker should still be Captain America instead of Sam."

Joaquin snorts, "And another one bites the dust."

"I think that's a valid reason to not want to see him again."

"I'm not saying it isn't. Just, ya know, none of these guys are good enough for you. You deserve someone who's kind, who gets you. Someone who's willing to do anything and everything to make you smile."

You look at him and poke his chest, "You do that for me, Quin," you give him a smirk and he hums.

"Yeah but we're-we're just friends. I always had your back. Always will."

You feel a drop in your stomach and you slowly nod, "Yeah. Right, same." You set your head back on his chest and try to put your attention back to people competing for love on television.

_____________________

You don't tell Joaquin the real reason all of these guys don't work out. You don't tell him that every guy you date doesn't compare to him. They don't smile like him, laugh like him, make you feel butterflies like him. You can't tell Joaquin any of that because you two are just friends, best friends. But, fuck, did you wish you were more than that. Friends don't make you feel the way Joaquin makes you feel. He makes you feel complete. Loved. Seen.

But you and he keep reiterating to each other that you're friends.

What if you stop that? What if there's something there? What if you put the end in being friends?

There's a knock at your door and you open it to reveal Joaquin. He's wearing a denim jacket, white t-shirt, black jeans, and Docs. It's a simple outfit and yet he looks so handsome in it.

"Ready?" You nod and follow him to his car, where he opens the passenger door for you and helps you in.

You and he were having dinner with Sam. Sarah, AJ, and Cass were visiting and he invited you two to his place.

When you arrive, Joaquin helps you out of the car, placing his hand at the small of your back. You keep a straight face as he guides you to Sam's door, but you feel your cheeks heating up.

Sarah opens the door and you give her a hug. You then pull out the bottle of wine from your tote bag and hand it to her.

"This'll go perfect with dinner! Thank you!" you follow her to the kitchen, offering up any help, while Joaquin goes into the backyard where Sam is grilling.

"Hey! There he is!" Sam gives Joaquin a pat on the back, "You bring your girl?"

Joaquin blushes, "She's not my girl, man. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Sam gives his protege a knowing look, "I know how you look at her, dude. You guys would be cute together! Why don't you say anything?"

Joaquin sighs and shrugs, "Just don't wanna mess things up. We've been best friends forever. What if she doesn't feel the same?"

"Then at least you'll know and you can move on. Come on, the yearning puppy look isn't good for you."

Joaquin furrows his brows and pouts, "...I don't look like a yearning puppy....do I?"

Sam snorts, "Big time," he hands him a plate of barbecue, "put this on the table and let everyone know I'm almost done."

"Sure thing."

_____________________

"So...you and Joaquin?"

You sigh, "No, nothing like that. We're childhood friends. We're close."

"I sense a 'but' coming," Sarah says with a smirk as she tosses the salad in the big bowl in front of her.

"But I would like something more with him. I think he's the only one who gets me."

"And the chemistry you two have," Sarah whistles, "So much tension between you two."

You groan, "I know. Some day I may just grab his face and kiss him and yell in his face that I'm in love with him."

"You are?"

You whip your body around to see Joaquin standing there with a plate of barbecue. You two stare at each other, frozen in place.

Sarah looks between you and Joaquin and rushes to Joaquin, "I'll grab that and set up the table. Let you two talk," behind Joaquin Sarah gestures to Joaquin and mouths, 'Tell him now!'

Your whole body is buzzing with anxiety, "Um, you weren't supposed to hear that."

He looks at you confused, "How long have you been in love with me?"

You shake your head, "It doesn't matter, Joaquin-"

"-because I've been in love with you for years now."

"-we can just-wait...what?"

He slowly approaches you, "I've been in love with you for years, Y/N, and it's been killing me seeing you go on these dates with guys. Getting treated like you're not the best thing to walk on this planet. I hated wishing that it was me that was taking you on those dates, treating you the way you deserve."

"But we're friends, Joaquin."

He can't help but chuckle, "Baby, I don't think we've been just friends friends for a long time." He reaches out and grabs your hand, "Are you afraid?"

"A little."

He softly smiles at you, "Me too, but...we've lasted this long. We'll be okay."

You shake your head, "What if things change?"

"The only thing that'll change is that now I can tell everyone you're officially mine and I'm officially yours. And I get to hold your hand and kiss you whenever I want. Speaking of which, I'd like to do that right now, if that's okay?"

You giggle, "Yeah. That's okay."

"Finally," he murmurs before cupping your face and pressing his lips to yours.

[callsign-rogueone]

unrelated but I was listening to juno (sabrina carpenter) and it got me thinking: which of the gfverse couples are the most kinky in bed? if any? that's all, I hope you're doing well! love your writing, btw!

top three:

it is my firm belief that sawyer and peach are absolute freaks. they’re going at it morning noon and night when they’re at riorson house. sawyer is in charge. he’s a rider and she isn’t, so he definitely has the upper hand strength wise, and she loves it. add in the fact that he’s an executive officer and looks so good in his uniform… it stays on quite often. their dynamic will change a little after his injury, which causes some physical limitations, and with him living in the infirmary for a month, they can’t really do anything. but once he can make it up stairs to her room, all bets are off. and even if she’s on top, he’s still in control. (actively working on this, hehe)

lieutenant colonel brennan sorrengail fucks. duchess is never ever left unsatisfied. he’s also in charge 95% of the time. he just has that stern, commanding but loving energy, that makes you want to be a good girl for him. but it’s also quite fun to rile him up and tease him, and then see him snap. he’s a brat tamer through and through. he’ll spank or edge you until you finally cry and apologize, tell him that you won’t do it again. but be careful what you wish for — if you beg him to let you cum, you’ll be cumming four times that night, until you’re an absolute mess and can’t take it anymore. he’ll take such good care of you after, though <3

dain and love are also at it like rabbits (how’s that gonna go for them, lmao). it’s a constant tug of war with who’s in control, and her signet often comes into play. it’s just so easy to tie him up with little ropes of air, or slightly reduce the amount of oxygen he’s getting, making him dizzy… admittedly, it took a while for dain to be comfortable with not being in control, because of the traditional view that the man is in charge etc etc, and also to build the trust necessary to be okay with stuff like being tied up. but now he’ll do anything for you, as long as you call him a good boy while he does it. he needs that validation and praise like air. also, king of body worship. let him help you undress and kiss every inch of your skin, give you a massage, and then make you cum on his tongue.

honorable mentions:

garrick and angel. similar to sawyer and peach, gare is in charge, and much stronger. he’s able to put her in any position he wants, and manhandle her a bit, which she loves. and the size difference goes crazy. he’s a literal giant, and it’s so hot to see him towering over you while you’re on your knees, or above you, taking up your whole vision. again, it’s all built on the deep trust between them, that he won’t truly hurt her, that she’ll tell him if he does, and that she has the ability to stop him at any time with a word or a gesture. which is the bare minimum of a healthy d/s relationship!

bodhi and darling are also a coin flip to see who is going to be in charge. but often times neither of them is, and they’re just each focusing on the other and pleasing them. once darling gets her wingleader title… that definitely made a few appearances in their bed. he’s also a body worshipper. he just wants to make you feel good.

soft and gentle, and/or need more time to build trust and confidence before they do anything else:

this would be a great opportunity for me to tell you about my plans for liam and spark… apart from the one dragon-induced fuck fest (courtesy of tuile), they’re soft and sweet. they both already have enough pain in their lives, and feel the need to cherish every moment that they can touch. even on that day of him helping her out with her need, he still goes slowly and takes excellent care of her, because he hasn’t told her yet, but he’s deeply in love with her, and because he’s just the sweetest.

in time, ridoc and sweetheart will get up to some kinky shit. she reads, after all. she’s just inexperienced (also actively working on writing their first time!) and needs to be fully comfortable with the vanilla stuff first. once that trust is built, and she’s less anxious, they’ll have some fun, including his ice.

aaric and sunny probably won’t be doing anything for a while, both because demi/ace!aaric is everything to me, and because of sunny’s past issues. once they finally do, it’ll be soft and loving, and he’ll let her be in complete control / on top, so as not to trigger her or make her feel pressured to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

[burningrainonme]

Lyra Rant

The whole debate around whether lyra is good for grayson or not is so DUMB. I’m convinced people who say that grayson deserves a sunshine gf and that lyra is avery #2 are the same averygrayson shippers who are mad that they didn’t end up together and are still hung up on them and the whole ‘if gigi was not his sister i wish they wouldve been romantically involved’ that take is just ???????????? Like wdym some even say ‘oh but they are just HALF SIBLINGS’ just say that you are into the whole incestuous My fault type of shit. The fact that some people actually ship gigi and grayson is just disgusting. Grayson sees gigi as what she is. His.sister. And I feel like the other issue with the emergence of booktok and bookstagram is the fact that people always want a ‘trope’ for the main couple like in this case ‘grumpy bf x sunshine gf’ so much so that any depiction of a real relationship is just plain boring for them. Also this was the FIRST book in the series?? We have two more to go so why are people so quick on whether they think she is good for grayson or not?? She is only a POTENTIAL love interest not a confirmed one. We’ll get to know her as the books progress. Oh and the argument for she is too similar to avery is that she very serious and wants to keep away from grayson and she is too smart like her. The only similar plot I could find between them was the test that the two took. Also are they forgetting about the fact that she and her family are may lose the house that they own, where she grew up??also the fact that she may have to drop-out of college for the same reason??and did I mention that her biological father shot himself and her repressed trauma is back?? And the only clue he left her was ‘a hawthorne did this’ ??? And the only person she felt she could approach was Grayson, and he told her to stop calling and believed he did not want to help her?? What else do you do other than not like the guy from her pov?? OF COURSE SHE WILL PLAY THE GAME LIKE HER LIFE DEPENDS UPON IT. How are people this dense?? Of course she wont like grayson and not exactly trust him. Grandest game IS NOT A ROMANCE BOOK for gods sake that you only focus on the grayson and lyra relationship plot point. The ones who hate lyra because of the sunshine gf take an all either are of the opinion that ‘grayson deserves the best because oh i have the biggest crush on this guy and he is an angel and no one can compare to avery’ or because of the whole trope addiction. If relationships were purely based on tropes then we would be putting people into boxes. Also did I mention the fact that EVERYONE in this game magically has the ability to solve complex ass puzzles an all?? There are others who don't LIKE her character because of the way it was written in the first book, that take valid because honestly where there a few things I wish JLB had written more clearly and slowly? Yes. Do I completely Hate the character because of it? No. There are two more books just wait, We don't know her or the situation so well, we were just introduced to it. Also 2025 averygrayson shippers still hung up on them?? Move on respectfully cuz u know why? Even if they did end up together grayson was way still hung up on emily’s trauma and desperately needed therapy and that is evident on the way he approached eve so yeah. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[gilverrwrites]

Heyy I was wondering if you could do a friends to lovers with Gabriel if you do write for him (if not just ignore this haha) I don’t really have any specific requests other than the friends to lovers haha :)

Aware Of Your Stare

AN: I do, I do! Hope this is the kinda thing you had in mind 💛

Pairing: Gabriel/GN!Reader

Words: 2K

Content: Friends to lovers, grumpy/sunshine, kissing, petnames, (mild) arguing, but mainly fluff.

Please remember: Your feelings are valid.

You’re woken by the feel of something soft tickling the tip of your nose. You lean away and glare up through half-lidded eyes at the perpetrator. Gabriel, who is lounging beside you in nothing but his vest and boxers. Angels typically don't sleep, so they often find themselves trying to kill time. When there isn't an imminent threat or apocalypse on the horizon anyway.

Castiel patrols the bunker like a guard dog, watching its residents (mainly Dean) sleep. Michael lets Adam sleep to give him that sense of human normality. You weren’t really sure how that worked, but you assumed he found some kind of respite in it.

Gabe, however, despite being able to go anywhere and conjure anything with anyone, liked to set up shop for the night in your room, where he would binge-watch TV and get pastry crumbs all over your comforter.

“Quit it.” You mutter before shutting your eyes again and nuzzling back into your pillow.

“You quit is.” He responds, following your nose with his finger. “You’re too loud. Nick is trying to cheer up Jess after she broke up with her boyfriend at the holiday party, and you’re snoring right over it.”

“Ugh.” You reach up to bat his hand away, and he briefly retreats. With your eyes closed, you don’t realise he’s simply relocating his attack before it’s too late.

You kick and flail at him desperately, crying out for him to stop, but it’s no use, damn his archangel strength. You’re at his mercy until he lets you go. When he eventually subsides, you shove him away, and he plays along, rolling back to his side of the bed. “You’re the worst.”

“Nah, you love me really, sugar.” He replies, opening his arms wide and grinning at you.

You feign a glare before following his lead and crawling into his arms. With the snap of his fingers, he rewinds the TV, and you slowly fall back asleep under the gentle feel of him stroking your back.

“Hey, I don’t care what or who you do in the privacy of your own room, but could you keep it down? A man needs his sleep.”

You blink at Dean over your morning coffee. The caffeine must not have kicked in yet because there is no way he just said what he said. “What?”

“Don’t make me say it.” He shrugs at you, exasperated, as he pours his own coffee.

“Say what?” You push, irritated by the implication.

“You and Gabriel. You know….”

“No! I don’t know!” You stand from the breakfast table, too charged to sit still but too engaged to leave. “Nothing is going on between me and Gabriel. We’re just friends.”

The expression on Dean's face shows that he doesn’t believe a word out of your mouth. “The way you two look at each other. Nah, there’s nothing “friendly” about it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You rack your brain, trying to recall how you look at him and how he looks at you, but fail to find anything not ‘friendly’ about it. Sure, he was handsome, fun, and easy to be around, but that doesn’t mean anything. “How do we—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The sound of wings fluttering makes you jump. Gabriel now sits opposite your spot at the table, and you can’t help but look at him now to examine his honey-tinted hazel eyes; they were beautiful. But they weren’t looking at you differently than you’d expect. Shit, were you looking at him funny? Like you wanted him?

Your skin tingled with embarrassment, and you forced yourself to sit back down and look away from him.

“Friends?” Dean wiggles his brows at you as he swiftly exits. Dropping a spanner in your brain's inner workings and exiting stage left. Asshole.

“What was that about?” Gabriel asks as he leans over to take your coffee. He sips, scrunches his lips, and proceeds to add an unholy amount of sugar. Old habits die hard. When you spend too long contemplating he nudges at you. “Hey, what’s up, hon?”

Hon. You’d never batted an eyelid at that or any other pet name he’d given you since becoming friends. So why was it making you feel funny now?

“Nothing.” You assure him as you stand once again and begin heading to the door. “I gotta go, I’ve got… stuff to do.”

“You want some company?” He swings around on the bench, ready to follow.

“No! No, thank you.” You shake your head as you leave without another word.

You didn’t see him again for a while, having taken off to hunt a pack of werewolves a few states over. You couldn’t deny that Dean had shaken something inside you. The fact that your instinctive response was to protest so adamantly was your first clue. The distance had given you time to clear your head. Enjoying someone’s presence and appearance didn’t mean you had to pursue anything more. He is your friend, and that’s all you need. You weren’t going to mess with the balance.

That’s what you told yourself as you entered your room to find Gabe inside. He’d clearly been making use of the space while you were gone. The trashcan was overflowing with empty candy wrappers, the bed was unmade, and a puddle of something fruity smelling seeped out from under your bedside table. One would think he didn’t have the power to clean all that up in a second. You might have complained, had you not also noticed that your laundry basket was empty, and your desk had been organised precisely the way you liked it. Priorities.

“You’re back!” He smiled as he crossed the room and engulfed you in a hug. He smelled warm and inviting, like mocha and malted sugar. Had he always smelled so good? You wondered as you melted into him. So engulfed, you almost missed the subtle way he sniffed in your own scent. You couldn’t help but hope he liked it. You’re not sure how long you stayed like that before Gabriel broke the silence. “Come on, get ready. The circus is in town.”

“The circus? Really?” You groaned as he released you. “I’m tired, I just want to chill.”

“You can chill later. We'll have a good time, I promise.”

“Why do you even want to go?” You ask as you dump your travel bag on the floor and dramatically collapse onto your bed. Trying to emphasise your tiredness.

“Why don’t you?” Gabriel approaches, standing over you and looking down at you sternly.

“Ummm, the crowds,” you lift your arm into the air, lining your hand up with his face as you count the reasons with your fingers: “the loud noises, the clowns…”

“I’ve seen your dating history.” Gabe bats your hand down before pointing an accusatory finger at you. “You love clowns.”

Usually, you would have laughed. That was a classic comeback, but he would almost certainly take your laughter as a victory, so you force a straight face and push back any creeping notions that maybe he was jealous of your exes.

“How long have you been on earth?” You ask him, readying your next argument. He shrugs, and you can sense his amused interest in where you’re going with this. “You could go to any circus, anytime, anywhere. Who gives a shit about some two-bit, washed-up roadside circus?”

You wonder briefly if you might subconsciously be comparing yourself to the circus. He’s an angel, after all, an archangel. Of all the beings on earth, why does he choose to spend so much time with you? Again, you shut down the thought process before it gets away from you.

Gabriel is looking down at you, brows furrowed. Instead of answering your question, he crosses his arms and asks, “Jeez honey, what bit you in the ass?”

“A werewolf.” You reply deadpan.

“Seriously?” He tilts his head, and you notice how his eyes wander down your body. He can’t see your ass from his position, but you’re pretty sure he’s trying. The thought makes you feel flushed.

“No.” Playfully, you kick your leg at him until he gives way, allowing you space to stand and face him. “Okay, fine, but you’re paying.”

As you watch the trapeze artists flying across the tent, you admit to yourself that you were, in fact, having a good time. The acts were good, the clowns weren’t that scary, and the atmosphere was lively. Everything smelt like popcorn, and the stands weren’t as sticky as you’d feared.

You glance over at Gabriel, who is on his third cotton candy cone (you are totally not jealous of his metabolism). You could never confess to having a good time; he’d never let it go. Besides, if the smug side-eye he's giving you is any indication, he already knew.

“Want some?” He offers you the cotton candy, and you can’t stop from grinning as you lean over. Your fingers brush against his as you steady the cone to take a piece, and your cheeks start to warm up. 

The candy is sweet on your tongue, and you let your smile grow to show your approval. Gabe laughs in response. You begin to shift back to your seat, but you’re stopped by the feel of his warm hand on your lower back, tenderly holding you close to him as he quietly speaks. “You have got to stop looking at me like that.”

Your eyes widen, and you must look like a deer in the headlights because he’s laughing again. Laughing at you, is he teasing you.

“Looking at you like what?” Your voice is quiet, nothing like it had been when Dean accused you of the same thing. 

“Like…” He tilts his head back briefly, searching for the correct words. “Like you want me, in the biblical sense.”

If your eyes weren’t about to pop out before, they were now.

“Tell me I’m wrong.” He continues, now tilting his head forward until his face is almost pressed to yours. He’s been this close before, closer, in fact, so why was your breath hitching now? “Tell me to stop, and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

Maybe you should have slowed to think about it, although your answer likely would have been the same. You answer quickly, instinctively. “Don’t stop.”

Clowns and acrobats forgotten, you initiate the kiss before you talk yourself out of it. His lips are soft and sickeningly sweet, his stubble itches at your skin, but you immediately want more.

Sensing your neediness, Gabriel pulls your body closer and deepens the kiss. You’re about to open your mouth, to try for more access, but the sound of someone deliberately coughing distracts you both.

Your heads turn simultaneously to see a rather unimpressed mother glaring at you, and you both laugh in response.

“Wanna get out of here?” He quirks his head to the exit, and you nod. He holds your hand and follows close behind as you lead the way, down the stalls, outside the tent. As soon as you’re free from prying eyes he flies you back home. The perks of having an angel best friend, a boyfriend, a lover, a something who still has their wings. It only takes a second, but it still gives you a brief stint of motion sickness. When you’re steady on your feet again, you look over to Gabriel, suddenly feeling shy and unsure how to proceed.

He’s smiling at you, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. It’s a smile entirely for your benefit. “If you’ve changed your mind, we don’t have to do anything.”

“No. No, I haven’t.” You assure him, reaching out and gently holding onto his upper arm as you step closer until you’re chest to chest. “I want this. I guess I just didn’t realise until... very recently.”

“Yeah.” The cheery glint in his eye returns. “I want you too.”

You initiate the kiss again, enjoying the now familiar sugariness of his mouth. This time he deepens the kiss without disruption, then your tongue brushes against his for the first time he lets out an involuntary moan that makes your brain go fuzzy. 

When you pull away to breathe, you watch his expression. Clearly aware of your stare, he darts his eyes over to the bed, then back at you, and gives his brows a suggestive wiggle. “Shall we?”

[otaku-tactician]

i often think back to the times when i was accused of spiritual psychosis, making things up, being crazy, and of being a terrible person with a toxic mindset when i used to wish for support and validation regarding my own insane journey with Lucifer.

Sadly it isn't squeaky clean, but just because my experience is batshit, to me that just means it was that way for me, and doesn't represent how others may experience him. It really punched into aspects of him that had me shitting myself, as well as mirroring the horrors within my soul. I am still reckoning with some tough parts of who I am and my past, and in my experiences he has both helped and challenged me over that (which can be confusing to accept).

I got to experience sides that seemed both holy and utterly infernal- blasting my entire stereotypes of what I thought angels and demons were like into an abyss. And in my experience I've felt both liberated and chained, free yet trapped; trying to resist but being unable to because to face him has meant learning to face myself and all the lies I built my wonky life foundations on.

It delved into many uncomfortable themes ranging from power disparity, violence, a lot of wild and extremely primal sexual encounters that forced me to confront a lot of things I was running from, the difficult balance between devotion and sacrifice; love and ownership- and really unveiled the darkest, most uncomfortable and ugliest spaces inside of my mind and life.

I tried emphasising that most of the scary events happened during my meditation, spiritual dreams or more as an internal thing with some external sensations and sights (like feeling a presence) but even that drew some angry voices.

It hurt a lot thinking "maybe my Lucifer exp is fake and I'm the crazy guy! Nobody else has such a completely terrifying and wild exp with him!"

So over time I gradually withdrew from the internet after all my attempts failed and kept trying to find peace through the mental health system, through trying and failing to keep living a fake life, through books and resources on demonology and various perspectives on deity work; which was ok but left me feeling even more lost and unseen.

My personal experience with him was sexual, overpowering, dominant and terrifying all at once and I used to get so deeply confused as a lot of the posts I read about him are more about his light, relinquishing people from their chains and being warm and soft, which is also really valid btw!

But even today I still ruminate over feelings of jealousy towards others, especially those who tend to connect easier to him than I do or experience him more peacefully and affectionately; as I still have a lot of walls and stuff to overcome, especially in regards to really genuinely trying to see him as he actually is instead of based off my own worldview.

It took me a long time to learn that maybe it's fine that in most stuff I read people experience him differently.

I think my post is just here because whilst I am still learning and growing, I was often told this was the wrong road for me. But as I continue I realise that my extremely challenging and upsetting journey is helping me to grapple with my suppressed emotions and the parts of me that I had long since buried away.

It's a journey that only makes sense to me, if that makes sense? And I wonder if that's also why some can't relate to me or I can't relate to everyone either; maybe we are all on our own paths.

In my upg I guess Lucifer ended up becoming a very unorthodox and powerful guide who helped me in ways that were jaw dropping and nightmare inducing, yet helped me to realise just unhappy I was with the life I had been forced to live before he came along, and all the traumas and pain that nobody could really help me face; because I was trying too hard to be something that was acceptable and loved... But maybe that wasn't right for me.

In my upg he's not always a nice guy or warm sometimes he will destroy my ego and turn all of my beliefs to soup, or even really force me to contend with things I'd rather run away from; and he can be very extreme in behaviour sometimes. He isn't always kind to me and sometimes things have exploded into levels of chaos that have left me scrambling for my marbles or questioning my entire beliefs system, sometimes I even felt bruised and broken.

And the sexual aspects have also been very unorthodox, both reaching the very heights of bliss and deepest pits of terror. I would rather not say anything more as it's a sensitive topic and I have a lot of fears about discussing something so deeply private to me, but I learnt a lot.

However, sometimes he can be super supportive, passionate, warm and friendly too- so honestly, every time I define him it feels so incomplete (and often entirely off the mark)... I think I need to learn how to accept him and his paradoxes; and learn that my perspective also factors into how I may see him, too.

Please do remember this is only my experience. Like if he's a warm and kind guy who wouldn't delve into the terrifying for you- that's okay.

I think I am learning that my experience is maybe not made to be relatable. I would never like to be the one challenging how others see him, even though my experience alone likely does that. I can get if one sees deities as perfect or believes that a deity should never do certain things, and though it is a sucker punch, I do get that I have to accept that my experiences are not universal and do not fit in.

If this post made any of you mad I am sorry, please remember that this is only my upg, it doesn't have to influence how you see him. You can definitely ignore this.

I was compelled to write this from a feeling of unease. I just see a lot of people arguing over what Lucifer is real or fake, and feel a bit sad as everyone's journeys are specific to themselves.

I probably will never post about Lucifer again. I prefer to keep my interactions with deities abd the like completely under lock and key based off past experiences.

I wish you all the best and a great day ahead.

[starseneyes]

Part IV - Destiel Meta - Dean Winchester / Castiel - Supernatural

You read Part I, Part II, Part III, and still want to read more of my insane ramblings!? Wow. I think I love you.

This was the wildest Meta I've ever written. And the longest continuous Meta for me, too! I hope someone out there gets a fraction of the enjoyment reading it that I got writing it.

WARNING: These are just my opinions. We all have our own head cannons and I don't think mine's more valid than anyone else's!

SPOILERS: Everything is fair game. I hold nothing back from the series.

Good to go? Yeah, we're good. Let's dive in.

S11E01 -

Oh, goody, the weird Darkness arc where Dean’s supposed to have sexual tension with a woman and it just doesn’t land.

Look, I’ve said before—chemistry is or isn’t. And there are others who I am sure saw Dean and Amara together and were just waiting for them to rip their clothes off and claim one another as the new creation.

I’m just not one of them.

And it’s not the Destiel clouding me. I mean, I’ve seen Dean have some mad chemistry with some of his hookups.

This one just never read as sexual to me… more an incomprehensible drawing of the one who unleashed the Darkness and the Darkness itself.

Oh. My. Gosh. It’s Zuul and Vinz from Ghostbusters. Like, no chemistry, but a strange drawing to one another. And, yes, I know how that ended, but I didn’t like that one, either, even as a kid.

There is no Dean. Only Zuul.

“Where the hell are you, Cas?” I’m, I’m okay.” “You don’t sound okay.” “Dean, I am fine. Besides, what I have, you can’t help me.” “What do you mean what you have?” “Just, please tell Sam Rowena escaped with the Book of the Damned and Codex.” “Okay, forget Rowena, where are you?”

Dean can hear how bad off Cas is—and he’s scared.

The last time he saw Cas, he beat the shit out of him. And now it sounds like things have only gotten worse.

That’s bound to activate some of Dean’s Protective Hubby status, especially now that the Mark’s gone.

“Now, you tell me, the Mark.” “Oh, really, you’re worried about me after everything that I-”

Yes, Dean. After everything. After all the things he knows you’ve done. After all the things you’ve done to him. After all the things he’s done to you.

After everything you will still be Cas and Dean.

“Dean. Is it gone?” “Yes, I’m good. I mean, I’m not great.”

Look at the relief on Castiel’s face. He needed that. He needed to hear that it worked. That Dean Winchester—his Dean Winchester—would still walk the Earth, no matter what happened to Cas next.

“Sam. Dean. Goodbye. It may be some time before we see one another again.”

And Dean’s trying to keep Cas on the line, to get more information from him, to know that he’s going to be okay. But he is far from okay.

“We can’t save Cas if we’re stuck in a hospital, okay?”

The mission shifts. Because Dean fucked Castiel up (derogatory) the last time they saw one another, and now he knows the Angel’s in deep shit. And he wants to save him.

He wants to be the one. He has to do something good for him after all the bullshit.

Because Sam didn’t give up on his big brother. And Cas didn’t give up on his maybe something. And much as Dean protested at the time, he’s here and he needs to protect the people he loves, again.

S11E02 -

“Near as I can tell, when you have to choose between Heaven and the Winchesters, you choose them, every time. So, you see, you’re not my brother.”

Oh, good, return of the Dick Angels. And, yes, I combined them up there. They’re not worth the quotation marks.

Hannah?! Fucking Hannah is going to be the savior?!

Oh, nevermind. Good, I always knew she was a bitch. I feel vindicated.

“Help me.”

Gotta love that he fixed his tie before going to them. Like, seriously, what a weird choice, Cas.

S11E03 -

“Sorry about those, Cas. Til we know what’s goin on with you, you're still a bit of a wild card, you know?”

Why the fuck didn’t we use those on you, Dean!? You were all like, “Sure, I’m slaying left and right like everyone’s worst bloody nightmare, but I’m good”.

Two seconds of “something’s off with Cas” and the chains go on. Gee wiz.

“Cas, you alright pal? … It appears I simply respond differently than humans.”

And while Cas is trying just to sit upright, the Winchesters are stage-whispering about how much worse he’s getting.

Y’all, he could hear you through the door when he was in Betrayal Mode. You really think barely lowering your voice is going to do anything when he’s two feet away at the next table!?

Seriously, Winchesters. He’s an Angel.

“You think it’s crappy?” “Eye of the beholder.”

I love how Dean’s the one to reassure Cas. Because, we all see value in different place, right?

And this is another case of Cas seeing a value that Dean can’t—Cas saw the value in his car. He sees the value in Dean.

It’s such a little thing, but I like the consistency in character, there.

Cas seizures and falls, and the boys run to him.

Interestingly enough, before the fade to black, the only voice we hear calling out to Cas is Dean’s.

Probably meant nothing when someone wrote it that way, but then little ole fans like me wander in and go, “Coincidence? I think not” (thanks The Incredibles).

I mean, yeah, this one’s probably a coincidence, but it’s more fun out here in delulu land.

When he wakes, he sees Sam there, but Dean’s the one touching him, a hand on the shoulder.

“It’s like I was inside a blender that was set to puree for a tomato salsa.” “And you’re the tomato.” “In this analogy, yes.” {Sam stares}

Damnit, Sam! They were having a moment. Yes, I know you’re concerned about Cas and whatnot, but that was cute.

They help him up and Dean places a blanket over Cas, leaving a hand on his shoulder. He only removes the hand when Cas starts talking about the voices.

“First thing’s first.”

I kinda love that Heaven’s priority is Metatron, and Dean’s is Castiel. I mean, wow. Wanna talk about how things have shifted, how things have changed.

They could go after Metatron to deal with the Darkness, but Cas comes first.

He’s down so bad for the little winged Angel and he doesn’t even know it!

“And your friend with the bent halo? He goes foaming at the mouth mad and dies.”

Well, this is new one to the “ways to describe the broken Angel” category. Poor little Castiel.

“Your wee pal Castiel wouldn’t be in this pickle if you’d done what you’d promised.”

She says this to Sam, but it’s a nice twist of the knife in Dean’s ribs.

“Cas. Let her go.”

He listens. Through the fucking spell cast by one of the most powerful witches in existence, Castiel hears Dean. Tell me that’s not fucking love!

“It’s gonna be alright, buddy, okay?”

And then Cas gets a turn to beat the shit out of Dean. Seriously, if these two would just go to couples’ counseling, a lot of this could be avoided.

Yes, I know. I know. Magic Spell. Mark of Cain. Lots of other magic, supernatural bullshit.

Cas starts to seizure and Dean—who is already on his knees—drops lower to be close to the same level as him. Dean lifts Castiel’s face, cupping the Angel’s face with his right hand, the other on his shoulder.

Dean helps him to sit up, then places a hand on either side of his face, holding his eyes before patting him on the shoulder, right hand still cupping his face.

“Dean, I… there aren’t words.” “You’re right, there aren’t words, Cas, ’cause there’s no need.”

And that’s still my over-reaching theory for these two and Heaven. Dean will never need to tell Cas that things are different since they said goodbye, that he’s had the chance to examine their relationship through the eyes of love—something that never occurred to him before.

His mother and Bobby already know. No doubt, they’ve told John, so he’s up to speed.

So when the Angel and Dean show up for family get-togethers and hanging at the bar, seeing one with an arm around the other is commonplace.

No words are needed.

But, I’m getting way ahead on this one.

“You were under a spell, it’s fine.” “Yeah, but you had Rowena. Because of me, you-” “You know, Cas, we’ve got the codex. That’s a start.”

Sam tries to comfort Castiel, who always sees himself as a burden to those he loves. Heaven treats him as broken, and he wants so badly to do well for these humans—his chosen family.

It’s almost worse to let down your chosen family, you know? The people who found in life and thought, “Yup, they’re mine!”

Because that kind of love isn’t demanded by custom and blood, but forged in fire and hope.

“Dean, I can fix that.” “No, no, no. It’s fine, Cas. Besides, I had it coming.”

Dean looks up to meet Cas’ eyes. It’s purposeful.

I don’t know if either of them told Sam how bad it was—how close Dean came to killing Castiel under the weight of the Mark of Cain.

And they haven’t discussed that at all.

Look how Castiel responds to that. The little tilt of the head. The “oh, darling” expression in his eyes as his mouth closes.

Dean doesn’t use a lot of words, but Castiel knows enough what this is—his penance. His apology. His punishment for what he did to Cas.

Dean turns away, but looks back at Cas, briefly. He’s lingering on that moment where he almost made one of the worst choices of his life. So, he’ll take this pain, damnit, because it’s nothing compared to the emotional pain he’s not ready to deal with.

And this whole sequence cuts Sam out like he isn’t even there (Hell, Padalecki probably wasn’t there at all because it’s not his coverage)—because this conversation is about Dean and Cas.

It’s only after Cas sits that we see Sam, again, looking between the two.

S11E04 -

They shot an entire episode… from the car’s perspective!? How many cameras? My production mind has so many questions!

Sure, bottle episode, blah, blah, blah. But now that we’re waiting 2+ years for streamers to release 10 episode seasons, I’d gladly take back the 22-26 seasons every few months even if it meant there were some filler episodes and bottle episodes in there.

We didn’t know how good we had it.

“Cas is getting better, so theres that. Still wants to fix your-” “I’m fine. 100%.” “Alright, well, he’s not. He still needs more time to heal. “Maybe, guess we got nothing to do but get better.”

It says a lot that even after Dean said he deserved it, Cas still wants to fix it. He always wants to fix it, especially for Dean.

“Cas, you’ve got one job to do, and that’s heal, you understand?”

Look at these two. So stubborn. So similar. Castiel knows that Dean would be doing the exact damn thing—trying to help when he should probably be resting. And Dean’s trying to take care of the damn Angel, but he’s so resistant.

“You think he’s gonna be okay?” “He just needs some time, you know? We all do.”

He keeps talking about the “we” here needing healing and restoration. I don’t know if our boy is finally realizing he can’t bounce back like he did in his 20’s, or whatnot, but it’s recurrent in this episode.

Also, I wonder how much Castiel told them about his torture at the hands of other Angels, at how they told him he is entirely unwelcome. He has been cut off by the only family he ever knew, even when he begged for mercy and help.

But the Winchesters—despite Dean nearly killing him and he beating the shit out of Dean not a week later—are there for him. His chosen family.

So, if he has to stay home and heal, he’s going to try to do something productive with the time he has.

And, I’m sorry, can I join the Bob Seger sing-a-long because that shit is fucking adorable. Oh, it’s nice when the show reminds us that these brothers do have good times together. They need that. We need that.

We need the reminders of what we’re fighting for.

And, yes, this is a show. It’s a television show that’s been off the air for five years. But it means something to us.

In the real world, there’s so much going on right now that’s tough and terrifying. But I choose to rebel by injecting as much joy as I can into my life. And I love cheering for my friends who are experiencing joy.

Because we’re all beautiful, as we are. And there are factors trying to take away our rights, to silence our voices, to restrict our movements, to overwhelm us to the point we shut down.

But if we remember what we’re fighting for, we can help carry each other through. Even if one of us loses faith for a while, others will carry the torch so the light is never-ending, still guiding us toward that indestructible construct—hope.

Television shows may seem like throw away things, but even a TV show can give us hope. For many, Supernatural is the show they put on when the world goes to shit. It’s a comfort in trying times.

Entertainment is often billed as pulpy or unworthy of attention if it doesn’t strike certain tones or themes, but I think that’s bullshit. Because entertainment, characters, stories… these are the magic.

So, yes, I love when Supernatural shows these boys actually functioning as brothers who get a minute just to be together and experience a moment where they aren’t drenched in blood or burdens.

Sometimes sometimes they just sing along with the radio. And that’s beautiful.

“Really? You don’t ever want something more?” “I’m sorry. Have you met us? We’re batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs.”

Bro, you’ve been in a domestic partnership with an Angel (formerly) of the Lord for a few years, now. But because Cas isn’t running around in a frilly apron making you meatloaf, you don’t see it.

“You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever, but… something? You know with a Hunter? Somebody who understands the life?”

Y’all are just being obtuse, now. Hmmm. Who do we know that Dean has a more-than-friends but not-brotherly affectionate and loving relationship with? Who? Hmmm. I wonder…

“Come on, man. That quote? ’God helps those who help themselves?’ God didn’t say that. That’s not even in the Bible. That’s an old proverb that dates back to Aesop. … I read.”

Dean [No Middle Name] Winchester, can you just stop and accept that you’re fucking smart!? Sometimes he is so committed to putting everyone in their boxes that he thinks that both he and Sam can’t be smart—only one of them. And he’ll choose Sammy every time.

Give yourself more credit, damn it!

And how wild is it that the boys both dream of a normal life? Because Dean will never admit it and never pursue it. But, some part of him does want it.

“Cas? You okay?”

I love that his first thought it that something must be wrong with Castiel, and that’s why he’s calling. And then Castiel ends up being the one freaked out, crying Dean’s name over and over.

And then Dean just leaves him, again, to decapitate the guy.

“Alright, Cas, you there?” “Of course. What’s going on?”

Him and his “of course” to Dean. I guess that’s his “As you wish”, right?

“Thanks, Cas. Good work. Way to come off the bench.”

All those words of affirmation for his little Angel. Gosh, I love when he gives Castiel those little morsels to hold onto after all the horrors of the Angels. Dean doesn’t even realizing he’s doing it, but it matters.

“We’ll get Cas to fix you up.” “Only if he fixes you up, too.” “Okay, Mom.”

He finally gives in to letting Cas help, but only because Sam pushed him. Good.

S11E05 -

“What do you want to do about Cas?” “Oh, he’s knee-deep in binge watching The Wire. Just started Season 2.” “Oh, yeah, he’s not coming out anytime soon.”

They both know Cas is shaken up bad. So, maybe he did tell them about the bullshit with the Angels and my (least) favorite Angel, Hannah.

S11E06 -

“Oh, what, you think he’s ready? He’s had a pretty rough go of it lately.” “Which one of us hasn’t?”

I forgot Season 11 is where Dean and Sam switch when it comes to Cas, where Dean becomes the more protective one and Sam gets more exasperated.

I know I talk a lot about how Dean’s feelings for Cas get deeper when he loses him, but I think that whole “nearly killing Castiel” thing also fucked with him pretty bad.

Because, he nearly did it. He was inches from doing it. And Castiel still didn’t give up on him.

Who, besides his little brother, would have been willing to go through all that and not utter a word or demand an apology? Castiel understands, and so Dean doesn’t have to use words. Cas just knows.

But, now his Protective Hubby mode might actually be hurting more than it’s helping.

“Seems insane to leave our one and only Angel friend on the bench.” “I’ll call him.”

We’ve come a long way from “Why does it always have to be me to make the call?” to Dean willingly offering to make the call. And Dean steps away from Sam to make it, too, putting distance between himself and his brother.

And that is fascinating to me, because he doesn’t want Sam to overhear. He wants to just focus on talking to Cas and try to get him off the bench.

“Cas. How you doing, buddy?”

Castiel is caught up in daytime television—the kind of stuff I only really watched with babysitters and my abuella when she took me sometimes in the Summer. There’s a reason I would excuse myself to read on the back porch, instead.

“Well, you sound weird, okay? Bad weird. … So, do me a favor. Turn off the TV. Go outside and get some air. We’re int he dark here, pal. I need you back in the game, okay?”

He tried. He tried to get through. And he was honest.

But just approaching the door is bringing on a wave of trauma… of beating the shit out of Dean again. Of Dean, again saying, “This isn’t you”. He sees the other Angels, all the pain he’s wrought.

And we never get to see the Leviathan arc properly because so much of that season he’s gone and under Naomi’s control. But, I imagine if there was footage, that’d be in here, too.

Yes, Castiel has done some horrible things before. And sometimes things roll off you and sometimes they don’t, and you can’t explain why. That’s this whole bloody affair.

And at the end of the whole flashback sequence—book ending with him beating the shit out of Dean—is Cain-marked Dean kicking his ass while he never fought back, merely tried to block the blows.

Cas ends up back watching television—giving him an unexpected break in the case. See, Mom? Binge-watching can be helpful!

“You are broken, Castiel. You were always a bit of a nancy, but this?”

I’m sorry. Did he just call Castiel gay!? I mean, I’m not a fan of derogatory words, but this is implying Cas has always been noticeably different.

“Look, Guys, I’m as glad as anyone that Stella got her groove back, but you let Metatron go?” “Dean, how many times are you gonna repeat that question?”

Enough for the audience to catch up, I suspect, and no more.

“He’s not a threat to us.”

Us. Castiel sees himself as part of the team, part of the family. Finally.

“She overpowered me. End of story.”

Except Castiel can detect lies. He knows there’s something Dean’s not telling him, and Sam can see from Cas’ reaction that something’s up.

S11E07 -

“This is everything Cas dug up in Gaza, every last bit of pre-Biblical lore.”

We remember you, buddy! Even if you aren’t with us.

S11E10 -

Dean’s a mess with the poisoning, so Castiel finds him blowing chunks on the side of the road.

“Dean. I came as soon as you called. Are you alright?” “Cas?” {spews} “You’re not alright.” “Obviously.”

Castiel appears to be going through something he saw on a medical drama. Because, we know he can detect things just from observation.

Okay, I’m sorry, Amara carved a message on Castiel’s chest so he just had to flash it at Dean? Okay, yeah, you talked big game about how insignificant Cas is, but your little puppet, Dean, has a mighty connection to this little Angel.

And now he can’t stop staring at the Angel’s nipples. So, yeah, not sure you knew what you were doing there, babe.

And what was that choice of Dean looking over at Cas very confused and unsure how to feel during Lucifer’s little dance party? It caught my eye, made me laugh, and made me wonder many things.

I mean, this episode is all over the place, but I’m not mad. Just confounded.

And… we begin the Casifer Arc.

S11E11 -

“Hello, Dean.” “Right, yeah.” … “I’m sorry.”

Starting small with classic Cas phrases. There you go, Casifer. Gotta ease into it a bit. And, damnit, this is that thing that is hard for me to do—watching something uncomfortable.

Like, to Dean it isn’t. He has no idea his buddy’s a vessel for hellfire and damnation. But, for me, I’m screaming at him going, “No! No! Don’t open up to fucking Lucifer!”

I’m as bad as my Uncle yelling at the Washington Commanders not to fumble the ball during a playoff. Yes, he’s a Commanders fan. No, there’s nothing I can do about it.

“I’ve had two shots at Amara. I struck out both times. … I don’t even know where to start.”

Yes, I’m cutting out the Casifer stuff because it’s not Cas.

But Dean thinks it’s Cas, so he unloads and shares everything. And it’s uncomfortable to me because Castiel is in there, somewhere, missing his human confiding in him.

Because Dean trusts Castiel in ways he doesn’t trust anyone else. He loves Cas in ways he doesn’t love anyone else. And if Lucifer was aware of their whole thing, oh, wow, is he hearing alarm bells about it, now.

He’s got Castiel’s vessel and memories and emotions and feelings swimming around in there. And he’s got Dean three inches from his face pouring his heart out in the dark.

And I’m not the first to make the following point, but it goes along with what I’ve always thought—Castiel accepts Dean as he comes. He would never judge him for whatever’s going on between him and Amara.

I mean, Dean beats the shit out of him, and Castiel does not judge. Dean murders a bunch of people, and while calling him on his shit, Castiel does not judge.

Dean. It’s not your Angel! Run!!

And when he puts the hand on the shoulder like that? It’s wrong. Something’s off. It’s not right. And some part of Dean knows it.

Okay. phew Made it through one Dean-doesn’t-know-it’s-Lucifer scene. But it wasn’t easy.

I don’t know why I’m this way. Truly! I don’t like to be uncomfortable. I can handle some gore and dark themes and murders and serial killers and so much more. But give me an uncomfortable scene and I’m still 12 years old looking between my fingers.

“Cas gone?” “Yeah, I guess so.” “What was he doing here, anyway?” “He was looking for lore on the darkness. Something a little off about him, too.”

Yes, Dean. Yes. You know your husband well enough by now to know when something’s wrong. He’s not your Angel!

If Sam hadn’t dismissed it so quickly, you might have followed it and figured it out earlier.

S11E12 -

“What about you, you hear from Cas?”

Nobody’s heard from Cas since the cage, my friends. You just don’t know it, yet.

S11E13 -

Dean, Dean, Dean. If you’re with someone with any skills, you don’t end up with hickey at age 40, just sayin’.

And I looked it up, and Dean was 37 in this season, roughly, but just sayin’. I stopped leaving marks like that in my teens, and the last time I saw a peer with one, he was 22 or so.

Dean, my man, find better lovers. cough Castiel cough

Also, glad he finally opened up to Sam about his Amara pull. At least he knows it’s not love. He might not know much about love, but that ain’t it.

S11E14 -

Oh, goodie, Rachel gets to be uncomfortable, again. Dean-o, can you just, I dunno, skip the “Maybe Cas isn’t as off as I think” phase, this time?

We did it when he was working with Crowley in Season 6. We did it when he came back in Season 7 and didn’t have all his faculties. We did it in Season 8 when he was being controlled by Naomi.

At some point you gotta trust your instincts and go, “that’s not my Angel!” C’mon!

But, more credit to Collins and those damn micro expressions. Even when Lucifer is trying to be comforting, or speak as he believes Cas would, there’s an edge to it.

Our Cas, when speaking lovingly, has a gentle quality, like he’s trying not to disturb someone who has a gun pointed at him with an itchy trigger finger. Casifer’s eyes are hardened, lacking in any softness.

Damn, man.

I mean, until Supernatural, the only thing I’d seen Collins in was an episode of Timeless where I was so impressed I immediately looked up his IMDB to see what else he might’ve been in.

When I saw Supernatural, I exclaimed, “Oh, it’s the Angel!” because though I didn’t really get into the show during its first run, I’m terminally online.

I mean, y’all—all two of you—are reading this on Tumblr, a site I’ve been on about 15 years. If we’re here, we’re all terminally online.

Something else that is fascinating about the cinematography here is the choice of who to feature in two-shots. We’re getting a lot less of Dean and Casifer, and that honestly helps make things feel… off.

Like, as a viewer I was watching and trying to figure out what felt wrong about the scene. And if it was purposeful, wow, it was beautifully done. I know that something’s wrong, here.

Oooh, and we’re at the iconic GIFs. The GIFs I saw before the episode of Collins switching on a dime from Casifer to Cas, and even without sound I knew to tell the two apart.

“I’ll just say, ’Dean’.” {pauses, holds up finger, lowers voice and turns on puppy dog eyes} “Dean.”

And the subtitles say “imitating Castiel’s gruff voice” and I have to say, I’ve never thought of it as “gruff”. Gravely, maybe, but not gruff. He’s too pookybear!

As Lucifer goes to kill Sam, Castiel steps in.

“Hello, Castiel.”

Damn, that Angel’s got some fight. Fight, baby, fight!!

“Sam, it’s me.” “Cas. Why?” “I wanted to be of service to the fight, and only Lucifer can beat her.” “You chose this? You have to fight, Cas. Eject him, now!” “I can’t. It’s taking all my strength to keep him from killing you. And besides, we need him.” “No, Cas, we don’t.”

I explained this show to my Eldest (twin) 10-year-old as, “A show where three man-shaped beings take turns being the one to do the stupid thing, not tell the others, and they spend the season trying to fix it before trading places.”

Funny enough, kid understood right away.

“We need him to save Dean.” “You can’t time travel.”

Duh! I have been screaming this at the screen since the beginning of the episode. Castiel lost a lot of stuff in the Fall. He still has his Grace, but not his wings. Not other things.

“Dean. That’s not Cas.”

Nope. But damn Collins is doing a masterful representation of Mark Pellegrino, here. I mean, the mannerisms, the expressions, the physicality—I don’t see a trace of Castiel in it.

And I don’t see someone doing an impersonation or something frivolous. No, this is an incredible ode to the other performer that you rarely see executed at such a precise level.

I’ve heard the same interviews we’ve all heard, where Collins asked Pellegrino for pointers and was told Lucifer always looked at people deciding whether to fuck them or kill them. It works.

Casifer’s a menace, but the Winchesters learned a thing or two from Castiel, including how to blast away an Angel. Fuck off, Casifer!

Oh, but look at Dean’s face. He’s gutted. Absolutely gutted. He lost Cas, again, and the mission was a bust. There’s no win, here. Just devastation.

“Cas.” “Yeah. Yeah, what do we do?” “What else? We hunt Lucifer, trap the bastard, and save Cas.” “Like I said, Lucifer may be in control, now, but Cas may not come back willingly. I mean, he chose it.” “No. No. Not possible.”

This whole scene kills me. Because Dean doesn’t think Cas would put himself in this position, that he would do something this monumentally unsound just to try to save them.

But he would, Dean. Again and again and again.

Dean looks off, away, thoughts reeling. He can’t wrap his mind around what happened, around the fact that everything he said to Cas since they got out of the cage was actually to Lucifer. And he’s so pissed at himself for not figuring it out.

Cas is his person. He is.

And Dean just lost him again. He can’t believe Cas would choose something like that again. Surely by now he knows how much he means to them? To Dean? Right!?

Like, Castiel can’t possibly see himself as disposable? As weak? As not enough?

But, he does. Castiel’s feelings of doubt and fear make him an easy target. He has no home, not really.

He wants to belong with the Winchesters, but too often feels more burden than help, especially after everything that happened with Rowena’s spell.

Dean has to wonder if he pushed Cas too fast to get back in the game, if there’s anything he could have done differently that would have kept him from making such a mad decision.

Castiel doesn’t know his worth. So much like Dean, in that. Neither knows how much they mean to the other. And now Dean is steadfastly avoiding a reality in his mind where he doesn’t get his Angel back.

S11E15 -

“He made a bad decision. We’ve been there.” “Yeah. You, me, now Cas.”

Honey, your boyfriend has made a lot more bad decisions than this one. But, yes, it is his turn this season to the be one without a braincell.

“Dean, we’ll get him back. We will. We just got to-” “Keep grinding. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, we gotta keep grinding.” “Right.” “And thats how we’re gonna win. And we’re gonna win. We’re gonna save Cas, we’re gonna ice the devil, and we’re gonna shank the Darkness. And anyone that gets in our way, well God help them.”

Priorities on display. But, also, I love the supportive brother-in-law.

Because Sam knows that Cas and Dean have something entirely different from what he and Cas have. He does love Cas as family. He trusts Cas.

But he can see that Dean and Cas are more. Even if Dean can’t see it, Sam does. He knows that Dean needs more reassurance about Cas than he does because that “profound bond” has always been there and always will be.

S11E17 -

“After everything we survived together, I watched the man I loved die. There’s no normal after that.”

Okay, is this a Sam/Dean thing or a Destiel thing? I don’t know, but Ackles’ performance here is crazy because he just disappears from the moment with her and he’s somewhere else entirely.

Yes, losing his brother is losing his world. But, she’s talking about a romantic relationship. So, that doesn’t quite play.

One of those things I wish I could ask someone about, because taking a stab at interpreting it feels too nebulous, even for me!

S11E18 -

“I will give you the horn if you help me exorcize Lucifer from Castiel’s vessel and then return him immediately to the cage.”

Fascinating fact—the subtitles use the English UK version of “exorcise” which made me pause, for a second, thinking I’d done something wrong. We’re good.

“After we exorcize Lucifer out of Cas and put him in a new vessel.” “What? Really?” “Yes, really.”

I love how Crowley just walks away from this situation. But, still interesting that Sam’s the one not seeing the idealistic view of this situation.

“We’re not gonna send Lucifer into battle inside Case. What if he doesn’t make it?” … “I’m guessing it can hold Lucifer." “It? It’s not an it, Sam, it’s Cas.” And Cas wanted to do this.” “Yeah, well there’s times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearing a Zoro mask. That don’t make it a good idea.” “Dean, this is exactly how we screw ourselves. We make the heart choice instead of the smart choice.”

Um… Sammy, are you trying not to say “love”? Because, it kinda feels like you’re trying really hard not to connect your brother and that word.

But that’s what this is—an act of Love. Castiel is trying to save those he loves doing what he thinks must be done. And Dean is trying to save Castiel before he loses him forever.

Yes, it’s the “heart choice” because Cas is Dean’s person.

Look, I don’t need to see them fuck or cuddle or even hold hands to know they’re an item. I remember the Aziracrow fandom going through it a few years back when Crowley (pronounced croh-lee) and Aziraphale finally locked lips.

Folks flocked to the inter webs protesting the show “making them gay”. Oh, honeys. The book was published in 1990 where not only were they referred to as “consenting”, a then-well-known slang for gay in the UK, but Aziraphale’s intro said people thought he was “gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide”.

And yet, the kiss was what made them “gay”.

The thing about queer love that I personally love is that its up to the people in it to decide what their relationship looks like. All you have to know is that it’s outside heteronormative rules, and there you go.

Some people like labels. Some don’t.

And whatever they are, Dean and Cas are each other’s person in this world, even if they’re not quite aware of it—Castiel because of his fear. Dean because of his baffling cluelessness.

“Oh, okay. Thank you, Dr Phil. Cas is family.” “Yes, and his choice deserves to be respected.” “Even if it kills him?”

And that’s the crux of it—Dean doesn’t want to lose Cas. Look, he’ll fight tooth and nail for his brother, and that’s understood. They’ve been codependent since childhood—especially Dean.

But Cas is something entirely different for Dean. He doesn’t have the words, yet, and maybe he never will. But it’s apparent to everyone involved that Dean’s more emotionally invested in Cas’ fate than the rest of them.

Crowley’s the one to go in to talk to Castiel.

“Wait, that was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn’t it?” “Yes.” “And he wants me to expel Lucifer?” “Well, he may have a more objective view of the situation. Maybe I should.”

Cas is completely brainwashed and looks like one of those After School Specials that warned us about the perils of sitting too close to the television. I mean, there’s even bunny ears!

“Maybe Cas isn’t willing to play ball. I mean, you said it yourself—he wanted this. … Come on, Cas, what the hell?”

There’s no fight in there.

“Lucifer’s hold on him is too strong.”

Well, at least Crowley got to tell them that.

“Cas?”

It’s amazing how a single syllable—one word—can be so significant, yet so seemingly insignificant. Look how Amara reacts to Dean’s outburst—to the pleading in his eyes.

Because when Dean’s around her, he’s not always in control. But his love for Cas breaks through. It breaks through her usual allure, and she clocks that. Fast.

“Listen, um, I know I came down on the side of wanting Cas to deal with Amara, so…” “Well, thats what he wanted though, right? Besides, didn’t we say that we were gonna swear off getting in the way when one person makes a choice the other doesn’t agree with?” “Yeah. Um, yeah, we did say that.” “So…” “Okay, so that’s our policy.”

Dean’s masking. Because this still hurts like hell.

“Well, let’s go find that idiot and bring him home.”

Ah, there he is. There’s that optimism. I mean, yes, calling him names, but also determined to bring him home.

S11E19 -

“Dean, we'll find Cas, okay? He’s stronger than he looks.” “You know, we gambled with Cas and now Amara has him.” “For a reason. Which means he’s still alive.” … “The small fries, even an Angel like Cas, doesn’t even register. And if it meant hurting Lucifer, killing Cas would mean nothing to her.”

But it means everything to you, Dean. Because if you have Cas and Sam, you’re stable. You can keep going. But take either one of them away, and you’re a fucking wreck.

You may not fully realize why, yet, but you know you can’t lose Cas. Not again. Not now.

“So, we get back out there. We keep working. We keep moving. We’ll catch a break on Cas. We have to. It’s… it’s Karma.” “You know, Karma’s been kicking us in the teeth lately.”

Insane that Sam is the one trying to get Dean to stop reading books and get back to work. That’s how deep Dean’s love for Cas is.

A season earlier, it was everything Dean could do to keep moving. He was hurting bad with the Mark, but working was how he tried to cope.

With Cas in the wind, it’s not the same. It’s not an ache he can work through.

It’s a piercing, constant, targeted pain he can’t place and can’t ignore. Nothing soothes it, but trying to do something to help Cas makes it feel worth it. Worth the pain.

S11E20 -

“Whatever Amara’s doing to Lucifer.” “Yeah, beating on Cas in the meantime.”

Dean’s ready to take on Amara, but since he lost Cas, there’s always that “and”. He’s going to take down Amara and he’s going to save his Angel.

S11E21 -

In a move that is nothing short of insane someone wrote a storyline where Amara uses Castiel to connect with Dean. Like, I know I talk a lot about their cord of connection, but Amara is literally putting it in use!

I feel so justified in writing that all this time, now.

“Say nothing of the Vessel, your friend, Castiel.”

And the bitch shows him Castiel’s vessel, battered and broken. She’s using this to get her way. Nothing else has worked, right? So, try the Cas angle, I guess.

“We gotta find Lucifer before it’s too late.” “Too late?” … “She just showed up. But she’s showing me visions of Lucifer. And by Lucifer, I mean Cas, and he looks like crap. Like she’s really doing a number on him.”

Because that is what really concerns him. It’s not about Lucifer. It’s about stopping Amara and getting his friend back.

Why are these women so cringe, by the way? Amara’s come-ons to Dean are so gross, and I’m so glad he’s fighting back against her bullshit manipulation.

This isn’t love, Dean. If you don’t get to choose it, then it’s just not love. She’s a manipulative bitch with a tie to you because you unlocked a lock and now she thinks she has ownership of you. Fuck that.

“You’re right. I am drawn to you. And it bothers the hell out of me, cause I can’t control it.” “Then why fight it.”

Because that’s what “free will” is about, bitch. This entire show is about Dean Winchester and his little brother fighting against their destinies or whatever.

“Something stops you. Keeps you from having it all.”

Dean looks away. He’s fighting. And when she finds out Dean spoke with God—who sought him out—she reads it as betrayal. No, Darkness, that is not love. You can’t fathom love. You don’t understand free will.

Dean will never love you, much as you attempt to ensnare him.

S11E22 -

“Perhaps you’ll lend an ear to my very own Jiminy Cricket?”

And, of course, they can see the shift in Angels. And we see the shift in characters. Collins takes us from one to the other so damn beautifully.

Yes, I know this has zero to do with Destiel. But it’s beautiful and Ackles will get his due with the Michael arc, just wait!

“You know, every second that Ive spent subordinating myself to Lucifer, it’s been a torment. It’s destroying me. It’s burning through my vessel. But I would do it all over again because through me, he and God, they will defeat the Darkness. That’s my role in this fight. It’s God’s fight. You can play a part in that fight, too, if you join me.”

Cas was always good for a rousing speech. And, the reminder of the sacrifice—Jimmy Novak is a strong vessel, but every vessel is a temporary one when it comes to Lucifer.

“Oh, don’t worry. Your pet’s safety is my highest concern. Trust me, he’s onboard.”

Crowley’s face during this exchange is marvelous. He’s absolutely trying not to laugh aloud because everyone in this room is well aware of how Dean feels about Cas.

Now, some of them are saying it aloud, while others cough Sam cough are pretending not to notice. I mean, Sam seems like the kind of guy who wouldn’t out someone—even to themselves!

“First Cas is making Kamizaze side plans and now you?”

It’s never easy on Dean relying on the others, letting them do things their way. Doesn’t mean it’s gonna work out any better, but he is trying to let Sam take the lead, here.

S11E23 -

Dean puts a hand on Casifer’s shoulder to wake him. He starts to let it slide off, but when the being opens its eyes and looks upon Dean, it’s not Lucifer staring back out.

“Dean.” “Cas?”

Dean places the hand back on Cas’ shoulder, holding on this time.

“Hey, Is that you?!” “Lucifer is gone.”

Watch Dean here. Just… watch him. Take a moment away from worrying about waves hands the state of the bloody world and just watch the acting choice Ackles makes, here.

There’s such relief in knowing that Castiel is back that Lucifer is gone. In the midst of the horrors, there’s something to hold onto, again—Cas.

Because, when you’re in the thick of a shitty situation, where you can’t fix all the things in the world, you need little things—a favorite drink, a comfort television show, to hear the voice of someone you love.

Ackles puts such relief into that minute choice. His body shifts. His lips quirk into an almost-smile. You can feel a weight lifting off of him.

“Amara ripped him from my body.” “To where?”

There is no reason for that hand to still be on Cas’ shoulder Dean… we see you, Dean. And we love you for it.

“So that was a gun in your pocket.”

I’m sorry, but this is one time where Collins pulls focus. And it’s hilarious. I mean, he is out-of-focus and I’m still eating up his reaction to this because he isn’t looking at Rowena, he’s looking at Dean’s exasperated expression and wondering why he’s giving it.

Guess there’s still some slang and pop culture that’s out of Cas’ new understanding.

“Well, that was a complete and utter dog’s breakfast, wasn’t it?” “I didn’t know dogs had breakfast.” “Cas is back.”

Yeah, Dean. We noticed.

“Sometimes, me and Sam, we got so much going on that we forget about everyone else.”

Translation = I was taking you for granted… and I see that, now. And I don’t want you to feel that. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to treat you better and appreciate you while you are here.

“You’re the best friend we’ve ever had. You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.” “Thank you.”

Bro-zoned by the love of your life. Ouch, Cas, ouch. We all felt that one. Like the collective groan throughout the world was probably so loud it caused a tremble in the Earth’s crust.

Dean nearly lost Cas, and now he’s contemplative, and he’s saying things he needs to say. He needs Cas to know they are family. He doesn’t have a better word than that.

He still can’t wrap his mind around what they are. The closest thing Dean can reach for is family. But he totally bro-zones poor Cas. And if Cas isn’t completely sure he’s in love with Dean by now, he’s at least aware of it. It’s somewhere in there.

I mean, look at Cas’ face after Dean bro-zones him. He loves this poor bastard, and all he got for it is an invitation to the Family Reunion instead of an invitation to the Honeymoon Suite.

And Dean does love Cas in ways he’s never loved anyone else. Even if he won’t say it. Even if he doesn’t fully comprehend it. It’s there.

The thing about Dean is that he appreciates Cas more every time he loses him—whether to death or possession, it doesn’t matter. Whenever he thinks Cas might be gone for good, he recognizes how his feelings have shifted from the last time he lost him. They get stronger every time as his attachment to Cas grows.

He’s always late to the party, playing catch up to Cas' white-hot glow of love that deepens over the years. But it’s there, people. It’s there.

As Dean readies for his imminent demise, Cas goes in for a hug as flowers fall off the tree around them, blown by the wind. That is likely completely accidental, but it lends a beautiful ambiance to the moment.

Dean hugs Cas back, and while he says, “Okay, alright” his face says something else. He starts to get emotional. I mean, he just got Cas back again and now he’s the one to say goodbye.

“I could go with you.” “No, no no. No, I gotta do this alone.”

To the death. Cas was willing to go with Dean to the death so he wouldn’t have to do it, alone.

“Listen, if, when, when this works, Sam, he’s gonna be a mess. So look out for him, okay. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” “Of course.” {Dean places a hand on his shoulder, again,} "Thank you for everything.”

Yup. “Of course” is Castiel’s “As You Wish”, his “I love you” when he can’t yet say it.

And Dean is entrusting Cas with the person most important to him—his little brother. He has spent his entire life watching out for that kid, and if he’s going to trust anyone to look after Sam, it’s going to be Cas.

“No chick flick moments, come on.” “Yeah, you love chick flicks.” “Yeah, you’re right. I do. Come here.”

Another one of those moments where I cringe at Dean’s upbringing and his heteronormative programming. Let Dean watch When Harry Met Sally, you cowards. With his best Angel. It’d be fucking adorable.

“He did it.” “He bloody did it.” “And Dean?”

Of course, it’s Cas. Of course he’s the one to say it. Sam can’t bring himself to say it. If the sun’s back, Dean’s gone, right? Right.

Or so they think. Dun, dun, DUN!!!

S12E01 -

“He’s a friend. Hey, Cas.” “Dean!”

They embrace, and it should be noted Dean was ready for that hug as much as Cas. I mean, he moves into that hug, even if Cas is the more ferocious in wrapping his arms around his person.

And it takes 0.5 seconds for Mom to clock that this is so much more than a “friend”. Look at that head tilt!

It’s okay, Mommy Winchester. Your boy found a good life partner.

Dean might lightly protest, but he lingers in that hug. He gives Cas a second to process and them both a chance to celebrate surviving the end… again.

“Dean. You're alive!?”

They pull apart, but don’t give each other much space. We are long past Dean worrying about personal space with Cas.

“This is Castiel.”

Castiel’s side eye makes me laugh every time. My 7-year-old daughter made me replay it over and over, because she thought it was funny, too. Because Castiel isn’t used to Dean Winchester introducing him by his full name.

I mean, this fully gives off “Introducing the boyfriend/girlfriend/theyfriend to Mom.” And, bonus, this is Dean’s mom.

“That’s an Angel?”

Cas as the muscle of the operation is a nice reminder of how capable he is when he has all his Grace.

He’s a badass, Angel warrior. And much as he thought he was super weak and super dispensable in Season 11, after all of that, he’s got new strength.

At the little roadside stand looking fun, Mary is a bit overwhelmed. And Cas is trying to be comforting. He sees the struggle in Mary, her overwhelm.

Oh, and those two coffees Castiel was carrying? He gave one to Mary, but the other was for Dean. Another act of service from our little Angel.

Season 12 is one of my favorites in terms of forward progression of the Destiel relationship. Castiel does go off the rails a bit at the end, but that’s kinda expected by now. One of them is gonna do it every season.

S12E02 -

“I understand. I’ll call you in the morning.” “Cas, hey.”

Cas is about to hang up and let Dean get his four hours of sleep, but Dean is actively seeking advice from Cas about his mother.

And, like, Dean, honey. Your Angel never had a mother, let alone one who came back from the dead after missing your entire childhood.

Like, Amara tried to do a nice thing for Dean, but it kinda fucks up the world even more. Kinda the theme of the show, right?

But I do like that Dean is asking Cas for advice and opening up to him… even if it goes nowhere.

“Powerfully warded. Okay, see, buddy, that was your headline, right there.” “Are we still discussing the same thing?” “Where are you?”

Aww, he confused the little Angel. I know that’s kinda their thing, but Cas is improving at the investigative stuff, and I do like that he gets that arc.

I mean, when he solves that case in S15 and goes back to the Winchesters after he and Dean divorced, it feels like he realized how much he could learn, how much he could overcome, how he is still useful, Angel power or none.

Also, how ridiculous are Cas and Dean trying to hold Mama Winchester back? And Cas even knows how stupid his request is, but goes along with it because Dean asks.

And the fact that Dean asks with a look makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I’ve always been a fan of their ability to talk without talking. That started early in the relationship, and I’m always giddy when it makes an appearance.

“I powered down all the wardings in this shack so your attack dog could come in.”

Dean looks to Cas on this and Cas is already looking back at him. I do like Cas getting to be a bit of the muscle for a while, Angel powers and all. Might as well use them sometimes, loves!

S12E03 -

“Castiel. What are you doing up?” “Oh, I’m always up. Angels don’t need sleep.”

Dean really needs to talk to his mom more about his Situationship. I mean, she has a lot to learn about him, but I think she’s already getting a good idea of the guy.

“Castiel, after you left heaven, when did it start to feel like, like you fit, like you belonged here?” “Well I’m still not sure I do. … Mary. You do belong here.” “Goodnight, Castiel.”

Okay, she likes her boy’s situationship. Very much.

“If it is him, I will call you. In the meantime, I think you’re needed here.”

Look at Cas trying to get them to address the Mom issue. That’s growth for Cas understanding humanity! He clearly can see the troubles going on within Mary and he’s trying to help Dean—who sucks at emotions—work through it.

When it comes to bullets and bloodshed, Dean knows the only way is through. When it comes to emotions, he bottles up, buttons down, and disappears into his head.

S12E04 -

“Bad news?” “Cas is chumming it up with Crowley. They’re hunting Lucifer together. That’s right. One’s an angel. One’s a demon, and apparently they solve crimes.”

Welp, at least he told you this time, right?! Seriously, Season 12 Dean and Cas are communicating, and I kinda love it.

S12E05 -

“Nazis. I hate these guys.”

I pumped my fists in the air at this line, y’all. It doesn’t have jack shit to do with Destiel, but I knew the moment I heard it I had to mention it. Fuck, yeah!

S12E06 -

“Are you a romcom chick?” “Are you?”

Hey, Sammy said he was! You can be more than one kind of person, Dean-o. You have such a binary, boxed-in way of looking at the world that you can’t even see it!

S12E07 -

“You consider switching up your duds here? Bit stiff for this town.” “He could be an agent or something.” “Yeah, maybe a third tier agent.” “At least I don’t look like a lumberjack.”

Ah, yes, the bitchy bickering of totally straight people.

I mean, Dean’s reaction is hilarious. Ackles is always good when it comes to a good reaction shot, but the ones where he and Collins are feeding off of one another particularly land.

In this case, Collins is the straight man and Ackles brings that laugh home. It’s a lovely rhythm, and I like when the Writers take advantage of it this way.

“Well, the only way you clear that crowd without drawing fire is if he’s otherwise engaged.” “Engaged in what, Cas? Killing you?” “Cas, you’ll last three minutes. Tops.” “Then I’ll buy you three minutes.” “Make it four. What? I help.”

Not much of a goodbye here, right? I guess Dean must’ve thought they were all going to be just fine, or he felt he and Cas were cool enough that if they went out this way, so be it.

Because, let’s be real, if Cas bit the dust, here, he’d be a mess.

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand. I was inside you. I know what a weak, duty-bound, pleasureless dullard you are.”

Hey, fuck you, buddy! It’s a running theme that the one thing all Angels can agree on is putting Castiel down. Any of y’all notice? All of them try to tell him how weak he is and dull he is.

Maybe they’re just jealous God keeps bringing Cas back and leaving the rest of them drooling on the floor of the Empty. I dunno.

“How you feeling?” “I’m not dead.”

Oh, Cas. Never change.

“Vince Vincente is dead.” “We never even hoped to save him.”

Wow, these two are in reversal from last season. When Casifer was roaming the Earth, it was Dean’s hope to vacate Lucifer before he faced Amara—to protect Cas. He was intent on saving Castiel.

This time, he’s on the “Yeah, we didn’t have a hope” side of the argument. Because that was Cas and he couldn’t risk losing him.

And, Dean, my dear, any clue why that might be? Nope. Not yet. Maybe after Cas dies a couple more times…

S12E8 -

Cas drops the coffee cups—the cups he grabbed for Dean and Sam. Another little act of service.

The boys rush in, and Dean is the first to reach Cas, grabbing onto his arm and back. Dean releases the hand on the arm, but keeps the one on his back, even as Cas tells them what’s going on. Dean doesn’t pull his arm away until Cas straightens.

“Alright. Stay here. We got this.”

Dean tries to get Cas to stay in the car, but as soon as he sees something’s going down, he’s on his feet and ready to fight.

“Cas, don’t.”

Cas is ready to take on the world for Dean Winchester. But, he stands down for the very same reason. There were times Dean begged him to stop, he didn’t, and the world and Heaven suffered.

So, while he’ll fight back when he thinks Dean’s being a dick, this time, he listens.

Oh! And love the detail that when everyone else ducks for cover, Cas just sorta stands there and goes, “huh”.

Also, the dude from Dear Santa!? I always thought he was a talented lad. Good for him landing a recurring role on a killer show!

“Who are you people?” “Well, dear. I’m a witch. He’s an Angel.” “And I’m the King of Hell.” “Oh, God.” “No, actually, he left.”

This little sequence of dialogue is amazing. It’s perfectly delivered, shot, edited, and still makes me giggle when I watch it, even though I’ve watched it a million times and committed it to memory.

Also, I love how Cas and Dean work wordlessly together, here. Cas gets the Bible and Dean sees where this is going, so he’s ready with the bin and the water. They’re really working well without words this season.

Oh, how far they’ve come!

S12E09 -

“You left them.” “Dean told me to go…”

I had to delete what I originally wrote because I realized I might have been channeling some of my own abandonment issues a bit too aggressively the first time around.

Let’s just say Mother Mary attacking Cas when she’s the one who left her kids because she missed the babies they once were didn’t sit well with me.

“If they needed help, why didn’t they call me?” “You were out.”

This.

“How do we let this happen, Castiel?”

We!? I’m sorry, we!? Castiel has been there with your boys, helping them. Working with them. Trying to work through all the shit the Universe throws at them. While she was off doing her own thing.

You are not in the same league, lady. So, stop taking your frustration at yourself and your own damn issues extend to Cas.

“I just wanted to say… I’m sorry.”

It’s a start. But you’re still on my shit list.

“They’ve only been gone-” “Six weeks, two days, and ten hours.”

See? Castiel knows it to the minute and you’re over here berating him when he’s been trying to find them, aching without Dean and worried for Sam.

Maybe it’s the first time she realizes just how much Cas cares because you can see the look in her eyes as this hits her.

“We’ll find them, Castiel. We will.”

Ah, yes, last season it was Sam comforting Dean about Cas. Now, it’s Mary comforting Cas about Dean.

And we’re supposed to ignore the parallels and pretend Destiel is a part of our imaginations. Yeah, right!

And then Castiel talks about the case he tried to work solo, the case he couldn’t solve, and how he ended up running away because he thought he wasn’t good enough to take care of it. Even when Mary offers to help, he answers, resigned:

“I’d only get in your way.”

He’s trying to “carry on” (thank you Kansas) for the boys. To do what they do. But he’s not quite there, yet, and it’s only making him feel worse.

“Cas.” “Dean?” “Hey, buddy, long time.” “What- what happened? Where are you?”

Look at the little Angel’s face. He’s so relieved to hear the voice of his love, again.

“Hey, buddy.”

Hugging is so natural by this point. But the way the camera hangs on Cas as he watches the Winchesters—mom and sons—reunite is telling.

He’s still on the outside here a bit, isn’t he? Much as he loves them. Much as he wants to protect them. He knows he’s not one of them.

“Cas, what have you done?”

Like any of y’all was gonna let one of the others take the fall. You’re Winchesters. You’re the “never give up” humans who keep Chuck entertained and baffle the rest of the supernatural world.

“You know this world, this sad, doomed little world, it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get and I will not let you die. I won’t let any of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice themselves. You mean to much to me. To everything.”

Yup. This is the episode for Mary to realize just how much Castiel means to them. How much they mean to him. He’s an Angel who defied Heaven, who fell, who chose the Winchesters again and again and again.

But Mary knows nothing of that. She hasn’t witnessed it and she didn’t stick around long enough for her kid to learn it.

This episode shows her the bond her boys have with their feathered friend.

“Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal and I broke it. You’re welcome.”

The Winchesters are too damned shocked to berate him. Yes, Castiel has done some crazy, unhinged things for them in the past. But this is probably the craziest, at least to Dean and Sam.

As far as Mama Mary knows, this is an average Thursday.

S12E10 -

“You talk to Cas, yet?” “No.” “So, you’re just gonna keep walking past each other in the kitchen not saying a word?” “Maybe.”

Oh my gosh, these two are so married. And because make-up sex isn’t on the table at this point, they’re going to have to take the long way around to talking to one another, again.

“I’m not pissed that he… cares about us. You know. I’m grateful.”

Can’t say that Cas loves you, can you? I mean it. “Love” is a big and nebulous thing for Dean, no matter what shape or size it comes in.

If you’re not friend, family, or fuck-buddy, he doesn’t know what the hell to do with ya.

“My point is, Cas thought he was doing the right thing.” “I was doing the right thing.” “You sure about that?” “Yes.” “Well, I’m not so sure.” “And when the other shoe drops?” “I’ll deal with it.”

Seriously, they are so married and Sam’s trying to play intermediary to get his brother and brother-in-law to stop fighting.

Also, we’ve talked before about how Dean doesn’t mind being the one to die. He’d much rather it be him than anyone else he loves. And when those Cosmic Consequences drop, he doesn’t know which one of ’em it’ll drop on.

He has zero control, and he hates that position.

But soon enough, Cas’ll find the positions he likes.

I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. It just popped in my head, and then it tapped itself into the laptop and now it’s there. So, I can’t delete it on principle.

“Got a lead on Kelly?” “No, this is personal.” “Meaning what?”

I love that Dean wants to know. Like, he’s still fully invested in Cas even if he’s angry at him.

Wanna punch my boyfriend but pooky’s going out and not telling me why and I don’t like that, either.

Yeah, these two are totally married in S12.

“We’ll come with you.” “Both of you?” “Sure. Yeah, we could help. Gotta make sure you don’t do anything else stupid.”

Cas rolls his eyes, but Sam’s reaction makes me laugh the hardest. It’s like, “You were so close to getting through that without insulting your spouse, again”.

It’s Dean, Sam. Part of working relationships is working on them, communicating, sharing feelings and emotions.

He’s a walking advertisement for therapy and early intervention. You aren’t going to change that with a withering stare.

They ride in silence, which is weirding Sam out because the tension is thick. He tries the radio, but Dean doesn’t want it. He’d rather stew. And Cas stews with him.

Because this plays into one of the funniest and most consistent push/pulls between these two—Dean’s determination to sacrifice himself and Cas’ mission to protect him. And, yes, we know this goes both ways.

Kinda like Dean, am I right!?

ahem

“Alright, guys, you know what? This silent treatment thing, it’s silly. Its not gonna work. Whatever we’re walking into, we should, you know, probably have an actual plan.” “What do you want to know? “Oh, he speaks.” “Enough.”

This is so the couple in your life are arguing and you’re trying to get them to calm the fuck down. Also, Cas’ little glare at the back of Dean’s head is not helping the implied domestic squabble vibe of this scene. Just sayin’.

“Wow. This Benjamin seems like he’s pretty cool. Like he wouldn’t make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.” “Yeah, you know what I like about him is that he is sarcastic, but he’s thoughtful and appreciative, too.” “Now, what is that supposed to mean?”

Oh. My. Gosh. These two are totally married.

Dean has actually turned around in his seat to face Cas, completely ignoring the road. And neither of them is backing down. Poor Sam has to be the voice of reason.

And the camera swoop!? Normally we get the camera swoop between these two when Cas appears behind him or when Cas is there as backup. It’s often something that brings us comfort because of its familiarity.

This time, we’re breaking the convention because these two are in each other’s faces even if one’s in the backseat. They’re still connected by that blasted cord, even though right now they’d rather be annoyed with one another.

This isn’t brotherly, y’all. We have Sam and Dean to give us plenty of reference points for how Dean argues with a brother. This is something else and Dean doesn’t even see it.

They even added a horn sound to show that Dean’s driving is making others nervous outside the car. Bro, stop focusing on your argument with an Angel and keep your eyes on the road.

“She’s… his… friend.”

Sam, this is a wild choice. Like, “Lover” or something else more affectionate is right there, and if any Winchester would reach for it, it would be you. But you went with “Friend” which is technically what both of you call the Angel.

“Ishim said to come alone. He doesn’t like humans. If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know.”

This is so bitchy. I love it. More, please.

Cas is looking past Dean so Dean knows without the shady of a doubt that this is for him. It’s catty and it’s direct, and I freakin’ love it. Dean needs a bit of this, sometimes.

“So, is he a hero? Is he a spanner in the works? I don’t know.”

Alright, you can fuck right off, Ishim.

“And you’re gonna storm in riiiiiiiiiight now.”

Dean is pacing outside the restaurant. He doesn’t like this one bit.

“Hey.” {Dean offers a bit of a shit-eating grin} “Dean.” “Feel a little left out over there.”

Cas doesn’t say anything to Sam, because he knows this isn’t Sam’s idea. Sam’s just along for the ride, on this one, as Dean determinedly tries to smash them all into a single booth, practically sitting in Castiel’s lap.

And before Dean’s even sat down, Ishim clocked it. Because Dean is zeroed in on Cas, and Castiel only chides Dean.

No doubt, since they know who the Winchesters are, they’ve heard legend of Destiel. I mean, almost every demonic or celestial being they come into contact with has some understanding of what’s going on, here, even if it’s not the complete picture.

“These are my friends. My friends who don’t listen very well.”

Dean almost looks proud with that little smirk and glance over. Jackass.

“You know, when I knew Castiel, he was a soldier. He was a warrior. He was an Angel’s Angel. Now, look how far he’s fallen.” “How about a little coffee with that sugar?”

Ishim’s been talking shit to Cas the whole time, but Dean doesn’t know that. All he knows is that he rolls up in here to see what’s going down and finds some dick Angel talking down to his Angel. It pisses him off.

And Ishim’s making mental note of it. He’s building the narrative in his head.

He sees in Cas and Dean him and Lily Sunder, for better or worse. But, he sees it—Castiel’s human weakness isn’t humanity. It’s Dean.

Only difference is that in this case, it’s love rather than obsession on Castiel’s part, and—though he won’t realize it until way too late—Dean has loved Cas for years.

No, I’m not going to get into what kind of love right now because it doesn’t matter. But Dean Winchester loves Cas in a way he loves nobody else. That’s just a fact.

And Ishim sees he’s pushed the right button. He glances from Dean to Cas and starts in on another round of insults.

“No wings. No home. Just a ratty old coat and a pair of poorly trained monkeys.” “Oh, well, you can go to Hell.” {Ishim smiles}

Ishim is poking at the pain points. He has his suspicions, but he wants confirmation. And he likes being a dick.

Dean glares at this fucker the whole time (until he mentions pie). Anything he was feeling toward Cas on the way here is melting away because Defender Dean is activated.

“Why do you let him talk to you like that? … I get that we need Super Dick there, but, I mean, come on.” “The Angels that I served with are being killed, so I will put up with Ishim, I will put up with everything else, and so will you. I have to go.”

This is so couple-coded. Like, “Honey, yes that asshole at the company Christmas party was sexist, but I need to make partner before I take him to HR”.

“You don’t owe them an explanation.” “Okay, hang on now. Uh, one eyed willy back there wasn’t trying to kill us. She was after you, so talk before she kicks in the damn door.”

It’s that “Choose Castiel, them or us” and it’s always really Dean. It’s about Dean. And Castiel will always choose Dean.

“They won’t understand.” “Cas, what’s going on?”

They even did the camera swoop from Ishim to Dean. It’s always going to be Dean. Give it a rest, Ishim.

“We’ll find her. Me and Sam.” “No, Dean.” “Cas, she doesn’t care about us, okay?”

Everything else from earlier has melted away. No, it’s not forgotten, but as long as there’s some magic-wielding, badass bitch with a blade gunning for his Angel, Dean’s going to put that shit to the side and charge into battle.

Or… a plea for mercy, as the case may be.

“Are you saying that those angels deserved to die? You think I deserve to die?” “No. No. That’s not what he’s saying.” “What is he saying?”

Have you ever had to be the translator for someone you love? Because while Sam cares about Cas, Dean knows him better than anyone. Anyone.

And so Dean sees Cas’ confusion and tries to help clarify, to calm him, to help him understand.

“We have to try.” “That’s right. And we’re not askin’.”

I mean, since you were roped into this, you’ve inserted yourself (I’m restraining here, friends, but it is not easy) everywhere Cas didn’t want you.

Damnit. It still came out wrong.

But, yeah, I’m not surprised that Dean “ask questions later” Winchester is going to help Cas whether he wants it or not.

Side Note: Hey, I found his middle name, at last!

“They’re a danger to us, case in point.” “Well my friendship with Sam and Dean has made me stronger.” “You can’t really believe that.”

Yes, he can, dipshit. Love and friendship and community always make us stronger. And that kind of strength isn’t something a bullish bastard with bad manners like you could ever understand.

“See, Cas is our family. So we can’t let you hurt him.”

Dean comes for Cas and immediately notes how worn and tired he is. He sits down on the couch next to Cas, but his positioning is already protective. He has a hand on the couch near Cas’s shoulder, and his positioning shields Cas.

“I think Ishim… I think he’s playing you.”

This is language Dean won’t use lightly. They used it before with the Angel who possessed Sam and Metatron fooling Cas. When they get played, it goes bad.

Dean helps Castiel to stand. Cas doesn’t have to ask. Dean’s there for him without him needing to ask when they’re actually on the same page.

“Who are you gonna believe? Your brother? Or some filthy ape who’s always talking down to you. Always mocking you?”

No, that would be you, feathers-for-brains.

“You know, Cas and I might not agree all the time, but at least he knows who his real friends are.”

I find the continued use of the two-shot of Cas and Dean here fascinating.

We’re racking focus between them based on what the coverage needs, but it lends a very “us vs you” quality to the scene, very clearly delineating that there’s no conflict for Cas—he didn’t need to be asked to choose this time.

It’s always going to be Dean.

“Who is he to question my choices? Who is he to question yours?” “Well, it seems that some of my choices may need to be questioned.

Growth. Because back in Season 6, Castiel was so convinced he was doing the right thing that even when Dean begged him to see otherwise, he couldn’t. Now, we see it’s an Angel problem.

And it’s another way where Castiel has stepped closer to Humanity. Not just in keeping company with the Winchesters, but in the way he thinks and the way he lives.

Castiel is presently neither Human or entirely Angel, but his own blend of two opposing forces made one through chemistry and devotion.

In short: Love changes us.

Not just romantic love, to be clear. All love changes us.

I still remember my first grade teacher. We recently reconnected on Facebook 34 years later (ugh, I’m old). I used to stay the night at her house and she taught me to make clay beads, paper mache face masks, to garden, to look at the stars and moon through a telescope, to hike in the woods.

I’ve thought back on those days over and over during the years when thinking of how to raise my own children—of what I wanted them to experience differently from how I grew up.

I had one beautiful year knowing that woman, and her love helped shape how I love my children all these years later.

Never discount the power of love.

“I used to envy you, Castiel. You believe that? You survived Hell. You were chosen by God. But now look at you. You’re just sad and pathetically weak.” “So, now, I’m gonna help you. I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own—by cutting it out.”

Yup. Ishim thinks Cas loves Dean. I mean, we knew this. But if Dean’s listening in any manner to this conversation while he’s making that sigil on the wall, he knows it, too.

Dean’s ready with the sigil, and it gives the schmuck pause. But, he points out very quickly that poor Castiel is injured, and Dean might want to think twice about that particular move.

Ishim is a technician at isolating weakness. He’s now using Dean’s against him.

“You held him for long enough.”

This isn’t remotely a Destiel moment, but it’s one of my favorites of the episode. Lily thinks Ishim is going to finish her off, but the injured Castiel is able to stand long enough to kill a fellow Angel right in front of her.

She knows they were in the same group of Angels—that Castiel was part of the team that killed her daughter. But here he is, taking out the Angel trying to kill her.

There’s such awe in her eyes, as she sees that everything Dean and Sam said about Castiel is true. He doesn’t feel like other Angels. What he and the Winchesters has is real.

He falls to his knees as she still watches him, struggling to wrestle with her desire for revenge and adjusting to what she just witnessed.

These humans were willing to attack Ishim to protect her and Castiel. And then Castiel was willing to kill one of his own because he knew it was the right thing in the moment.

It’s hard when something rocks your reality. Dean will experience that in S15E18. But that’s a story for another time.

“He’s dead. Are you done?” “Revenge is all I’ve had for over 100 years. It’s all I am.” “Wrong answer. You’re done.”

OOoh, the parallels!! The parallels! Who else do we know who thinks that all they are is something dark and twisted?

“Dean.”

Dean says nothing, but acknowledges Cas. He doesn’t see the side-eye Cas casts him, but Lily does. She looks back to Cas.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. And while its true that I didn’t know we were killing an innocent, ignorance is no excuse. I truly can’t imagine the depths of your loss.”

Castiel stands and walks within arm’s distance. He’s giving her plenty of space to stab him dead, right there.

It’s an important gesture—he’s offering himself up to pay for what he did. Yes, he didn’t know… but he still did the wrong thing. And he’s willing to pay the price.

“This was your child. I can’t imagine the pain. So if you leave here and you find that you can’t forgive me, I’ll be waiting. “Thank you.”

Lily has tears rolling down her cheeks. She said that every time she uses the Enochian magic, she burns more of her soul away. And right here, with his words, Castiel saves what’s left of this woman’s soul.

Because in him she sees what she’s never seen in an Angel before—remorse. Penance. The understanding that he was wrong and that being an Angel doesn’t absolve him from guilt or consequences.

And I’m thinking of S15E18—another time when Cas’ words heal what is broken. Yes, he’s a soldier. A warrior of God.

But the very things that make him different, the things that other Angels see as cracks and weaknesses—the things that make him more human—are the things that connect with us.

Love is what Ishim viewed as weakness. But love is what allowed Castiel to connect with Lily here, at the end. Love is what binds him to the Winchesters. And love will someday heal a profound brokenness in Dean.

At the start of this episode, Dean was annoyed with Cas—that his “caring” about them was going to get them in trouble. But, now they’ve gone through this whole episode where his ability to care is what saved the day.

Seriously, this is one of my favorite episodes not just because I’m a Destiel girly, but because of the way the themes, the characters, and their journeys are so effortlessly woven together.

“You earned it.” “This will do very little for me, but I appreciate the gesture.”

Dean pats his shoulder affectionately.

“What Ishim said, you’re not weak, Cas. You know that, right?” “I mean, obviously, you’ve changed, but it’s all been for the better, man.” “And you have been with us every step of this long, crazy thrill ride. And no matter how crazy it got, you never backed down.”

This reads as a lover checking in—making sure that his Angel knows how much he valued and doesn’t take the words of some asshole to heart.

“Cas, I don’t like how the whole Billie thing went down, okay? I know you thought you were doing the right thing. And I’m not mad. I’m worried. Because things like “cosmic consequences” have a habit of biting us in the ass.” “I know they do. But I don’t regret what I did, even if it costs me my life.”

They’re finally having a mature conversation about this. Because, let’s be honest, neither of them knows how to do this whatever it is.

Dean’s had some semi-long-term relationship stuff, yes. But not with someone who’s a part of their world and knows everything, I mean everything he’s done, good and bad. And Castiel’s an Angel shoe allegiances and alliances have determined whatever relationships he had.

Their relationship is something else that remains unnamed, to me. Like, I might comment on which labels seem to apply at a given moment in the story, but ultimately, I like that their relationship is theirs.

The Winchester parents were paired up by Cupid. God had a hand in ensuring their relationship. Destiel is the polar opposite of that—God didn’t see this one coming. And, frankly, I think it pisses him off.

From the moment he told Cas, “You’re not in this story” and Castiel said they were “Making it up as we go”, we knew that Dean and Cas are different. (Yes, Sam, too, but that’s not part of this particular point)

Castiel is a spanner in the works. And the Winchester boys are the most defiant of any universe—the ones who assert their free will time and time, again, despite Chuck’s best efforts.

Destiel doesn’t need labels to exist. Castiel loves Dean. Yes, we know it blossoms to a romantic love. And Dean loves Cas in a way he’s never loved another being. It just is.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself…

“So, what are you gonna do if you find Kelly and, uh, Lucifer Jr?” … “But, Cas, at the end of the day it’s a mom and her kid. I mean, do you think you’ll be able to…” “There’s a time when I wouldn’t have hesitated. But now, I don’t know.”

It’s not a great answer, but it’s an honest one. My Dad likes to say, “My favorite answer is ’I don’t know’ because then you can learn something new. You can figure it out, research, seek knowledge. It’s a perfectly valid answer".

“So, what are we gonna do?”

We. Us. Maybe everything isn’t forgiven, but they aren’t going to pass wordlessly in the halls, anymore. They’re aligned, again.

Everything in this episode showed that no matter how pissed they get at one another, Dean and Cas find their way back. They always find their way back.

S12E11 -

“Look, we can figure this out, alright? Don’t go calling Mom or Cas with this.”

Dean knows precisely who Sam would have on speed dial when something goes sideways. The Mom and the Boyfriend.

Like, seriously, Dean’s emergency contact list is short, but it’s intimate.

“And, our best friend’s an Angel!”

Really? A handprint is what reminded you of that!? And seeing it’s a bloody handprint makes me all the more heartbroken thinking about S15E18. Ugh, now I’m sad, again.

“My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Uh, Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cast- Cas is my best friend.”

These are the things he’s holding onto tightest—the people who matter most to him in the world. Sam. Mom. Cas. He’s trying so hard to hold on.

And, as someone whose Mother-in-Law is suffering from dementia and getting worse and worse, this was a hard episode to watch. Because while Dean got happy without the burdens, my MIL is angrier and harsher, and I’m the one who she’s cast as the villain.

It’s not uncommon with dementia patients, and it’s not my first time with a family member to go through this. But for my husband, it’s devastating. I might tell him to skip this episode when he starts watching the show, again.

Oh! Matt watched the first three seasons back in the day during the first-run. I caught some over his shoulder, then, but it didn’t really stick. Since I’ve been talking his ear off, he’s considering diving back in. I think he’d enjoy it!

S12E12 -

“And how ’bout you, handsome?”

The Winchesters are a little taken aback. But, c’mon, y’all, the blue eyes? The disheveled adorableness? There are women who would kill for a night with that.

And as I write it, I’m suddenly hoping all these boys have good security systems in their homes in real life. Because, yeah, stalkers are a real thing and after watching my mom go through it, I can say yikes.

Admire from afar, my friends. Admire from afar.

And Castiel orders something, even though he doesn’t eat. More than likely, one of the others is going to take the food from him to polish off after eating theirs.

“Oh, dude, she is into you.” “Dean.” “No, this is good. We’ve been looking for teachable moments.”

Bro, last time you thought a chick was into him he ended up babysitting. You might not be the best at guiding Cas through the dating world.

Plus, Mom’s trying to subtly get you to stop because she long ago clocked the Angel’s puppy dog eyes for you.

Also, this table conversation is mad reminding me of my favorite family dinner scene in the history of cinema—from While You Were Sleeping. Like, this feels so real and lived-in and earned.

It’s delightful, and I don’t know if it’s writing or directing or both that’s responsible, but I adore it.

“You look like hammered crap.” “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Dean’s trying to keep it light, because that’s how he gets through all the shit of life. But as soon as he glimpses Cas’ stomach, he sees how bad it is. The Angel isn’t healing, and it’s only getting worse.

“Dean, something’s wrong. I can’t heal myself. I think the, I think the demon’s spear was poisoned. I don’t- I think I’m dying.”

Cue Ackles on that damn lip quiver. Seriously, man, are you trying to kill us? It’s sad enough the Angel’s dying and you need to add to the body count?

Try as he might to stay strong for Cas, he can see how bad it is, and calls Sam over.

“If you’re an Angel, you just rot away. Sorry, Castiel.” “No, no. There’s a cure. There’s always a cure, and we will find it.”

Damn your eternal optimism, Dean.

“Hey, I was growing fond of the choir boy, too.” “Shut up, shut up.”

Dean isn’t ready to say goodbye to Cas. No way. No how.

“Cas, how bad is it?” {Cas shows his chest, covered in lines} “Crowley’s right. You should go.” “Cas, come on.” “No, you listen to me. You, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you, it, it’s been the best part of my life.”

Cas is casting his eyes around to everyone. This isn’t the intimate goodbye of S15E18. He isn’t trying to single out Dean, even though it’s there. He’s saying goodbye to his family.

“The things we’ve shared together, they have changed me.”

He’s looking at Dean for this one, and the editing choices confirm it—this is for Dean. “You changed me, Dean”.

Mary looks from Cas to Dean to see her boy’s reaction, and she sees him absorbing the words, trying not to feel the pain as Castiel struggles to breathe.

“You’re my family. I love you.”

Cas looks away on that last bit. He looks away, but the camera shows us Dean in this moment. Two episodes earlier, he said that Cas “cared” about them, but maybe Dean didn’t realize how much.

Maybe he didn’t realize the kind of love an Angel was capable of—but Castiel isn’t any old Angel.

“I love all of you.”

Cas looks to Sam first, but then to Dean. And the reverse shot here is Dean, looking down at a dying Cas, lip quivering. We’ll finally see Sam, again, after we see Dean. Moose is sad to lose the Angel, too.

But Sam will always know how much harder it hits Dean. Every time.

And all of these cuts between Cas and Dean are intentional, as are the shots of Mary looking from her son to this Angel, who means so much to him, who her actions injured.

Editing is an art. It’s a skill. There’s a reason there are awards for it because it’s storytelling.

Some folks think all the storytelling happens on the page or on the screen or both. And much as I love writers and wholeheartedly believe they still don’t get their due, everyone involved in a production is some sort of storyteller.

Lights tell a story. Where they are. Where they aren’t.

Costuming tells a story. What a character wears. Their state of mind. Their motivations and needs.

Set dressing tells a story. What matters to these characters and what doesn’t? What do they preserve and what do they let go?

So when I say Editing tells a story, you better believe I mean in. How a scene is cut together matters. Now, yes, the shots themselves and coverage are determined way ahead of time.

There may be storyboarding, discussions with the Director of Photography and working with the Director of a given episode to achieve their vision. Not to mention adjustments made on-the-fly once you’re actually setting up the scene.

But the Editors have a hand in this story, too. Some Directors lean over their Editors a lot, and some don’t. No clue which is the case in this episode. But if you look at all these shots during Castiel’s death speech, how they’re edited together says the things unsaid.

This is the “subtext” Destiel shippers caught onto long, long ago. So much of their story is told simply in how the scenes are lovingly stitched together.

We aren’t trying to read into something that isn’t there. We’re simply following the breadcrumbs to what appears to be a logical conclusion.

From Cas to Dean. Mary looking from Cas to Dean, not to Sam. Dean to Cas.

Yes, there are shots of Sam in there, but the shots that correspond with the dialogue are leading us somewhere. We’re simply following the breadcrumbs.

“Just please, please don’t make my last moments be spent watching you die. Just run. Save yourselves. And I will hold Ramiel off as long as I can.”

Oh, Cas. “I’ll hold them all off” with the archangels. “Run” with the Leviathans. Asking Dean to leave him alone as soon as he found the Angel in Purgatory. Even as he’s dying, he wants to save them.

Again, and again, and again. Protecting the Winchesters is his greatest mission.

“Cas, no.” “Yes. You need to keep fighting.” “We are fighting. We’re fighting for you, Cas.”

Aw, Sammy. Not gonna let your brother’s boyfriend die. Love the support!

“And like you said, you’re family. And we don’t leave family behind.”

To me, this is the moment Mary fully registers what Castiel means to her boy, even if Dean doesn’t see it himself, yet. Cas is next to her, trying not to cry.

Because this is love. Is it the romantic love he believes he’ll never receive from Dean? No. But there are many kinds of love, and Cas doesn’t need reciprocal love to love Dean. He simply… loves him.

But that “for love” Castiel talks about in S15E18? This is one of those times the Angel gets to witness Dean’s “for love” being “for Cas”. And that’s damn powerful.

Castiel starts to cry. Not the tears of agony or heartbreak, but of love. There have been many times when Dean’s love has shone through, that Cas has witnessed.

But I don’t think he’s ever felt it as acutely as he did here.

Look how Cas is locked on Dean in that moment. Remember, he’s an Angel. And he can see into Dean. This is a “heart choice” and it’s for Cas.

Once healed, the Winchester boys help Cas up, but once he’s on his feet, Cas only has eyes for Dean. And Dean looks back like he can’t believe it. While Sam releases Cas’ hand fairly quickly, Dean and Cas linger on one another’s as Dean pats Cas’ back.

Mary is about to fess up when Castiel asks what Ramiel meant about someone stealing from him, but Dean’s just happy to have Cas back, and his gaze and voice are so soft.

Mary clamps down—but not before she notices the intense staring going on between these two. She realizes what she almost did, what she almost took from her son. Indirectly, yes, but that was too damn high a price.

“Let’s go home.”

Home. Home is sometimes a place. Sometimes a person. But always a feeling.

“I almost lost one of my boys.”

This woman loves her son-in-law. Like, from moment one, she clocked something going on between Cas and Dean, and in only her second episode, Castiel was the one trying to offer her comfort, to tell her she belonged.

Cas and Dean have their falling outs, yes, but they find their way back. And this time, it was her actions and her secrets that nearly tore them apart. She doesn’t want to risk that, again. How could she look her son in the eye?

S12E14 -

“You were running an errand for the Brits. You kept it from us. Cas almost died.”

Always gonna be Dean to bring up his sweetheart.

“I am your mother. But I am not just a mom. And you are not a child.” “I never was.”

Damn, this hurts. The stories I could tell you… the things that happen when you childhood ends at 5, for Dean, or 6, for me.

“And this whole peacemaker schtick that you've been running, first with Cas, now with Mom. It’s getting old, man.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “You’re always playing the middle, Sam. For once, why don’t you pick a side?”

Y’know what, Dean, your brother has your back through so much bullshit. And while you’re all black-and-white, pick-a-side, Sam has a view that leans grey and mediated. He doesn’t have to always agree with you to have your back.

But, I mean, I hate your mother, so there’s that, I guess.

And, again, no hate against the actress. She does a lovely job. But I could chuck the character off the page in two seconds flat and show zero remorse. Good thing I’m not writing her arc, eh? It’d be two pages long and so boring.

We need the conflict, I get it. But, personally, I can still want to tell her off.

S12E15 -

Cas meets that other Angel who gets him to betray Dean… again.

“Look, you’ve got more field experience than the next thousand angels combined.” “I think you overestimate me.”

This Angel is poking at him. Sure, you’ve got the Winchesters, but why not work with us, too? Yeah, this place is nice, but don’t you miss home?

“He sound weird to you?”Oh, Dean, your Castiel Sense has come a long way. And the last time you ignored your Castiel Tingle (nope… we gotta find another word for that) he turned out to be Lucifer.

So, that means you’re going to follow up, right? Right?!

Yeah, no. This is Dean Winchester. Move on to the next Monster of the Week, Lady of the night, and Beer of the hour.

S12E16 -

“Killing monsters is what we do. Or maybe paling around with demons and witches, you’ve forgotten.” “Don’t tell me how to do my job.” “Well, then do it.” “You think it’s that simple, do you?” “I really do.” “Yeah, I used to think the same thing. Here’s a little tip. Things aren’t just black and white out here.”

Yes, Dean. Yes. Finally showing that frickin’ growth you’ve been working at.

And, like Cas with the Angels, trying to pass on that earned growth without all the scars to another Hunter. Well, British Man of Letters, but close enough.

S12E17 -

“Hey, you hear anything from Cas, yet?” “Mm. No. Still MIA.” “You think he’s alright?” “I don’t know.”

Stupid Cas worrying his stupid boyfriend. Call him, Cas! Geez Louise!

S12E18 -

“Cas, it’s me. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for days. I don’t know what’s going on, but we got a line on Dagon, and we got our asses handed to us even with the colt. So, we could really use the backup. Just call me back.”

Dean’s getting worried. You can hear it in his voice. Who knows how many messages he’s left, how many times he’s texted to no avail.

Also, try praying. Even if he’s out of cell service, he’s not outta prayer coverage!

“So, no luck with Cas, huh?” “Yeah, still AWOL.” “Alright, so let’s find him.” “I’ve been trying, Sam. The GPS on his phone is turned off, and there’s nothing in the system about some weird guy in a trench coat getting arrested or turning up dead.” “Dean, it’s Cas. I mean, this isn’t the first time he’s dropped off the map, you know? And whatever’s happening, he’ll be fine. He always is.” “Yeah.”

Now Sam is in comfort mode, knowing Dean’s been looking for Dead Cas. That’s how worried Dean is—he thinks Cas is gone gone.

And this is the episode where the table gets its first scratches as the boys leave their marks. I love the moments where we remember they are brothers not just brothers who hunt and save the world and doom the world and try to save it, again.

Like, the little human moments like this are what reminds us of their love for one another and that they do have some good moments together. Not just, y’know, shared generational trauma.

S12E19 -

“Let me rephrase that for Sam. Where the hell have you been. And why have you been ignoring our phone calls?”

Ooh, boyfriend is pissed you’re screening his calls, babe.

“It’s a gift. You keep those.”

I’m sorry. Is that… a mixtape!? Dean made a mixtape of his favorite songs for his boyfriend? Like, yes, Castiel is using this as an excuse to enter the room and carry out his latest betrayal.

But, Dean, you gotta level with me. How many of your guy friends have you made a mixtape for?

I mean, I’m old enough I made mixtapes on my boombox from the Top 40 that played on the radio. I’d memorize the order and know when to push down “record” to get the ones I loved.

But I wasn’t gonna share them with my brother. This is boyfriend behavior, Mr. Winchester, and you have some explaining to do!

“Cas you can’t… With everything that’s going on, you can’t just go dark like that. We didn’t know what happened. We were worried. That’s not okay.”

Oh, this aches. Dean is actually leveling with Cas and being honest. And I know Cas wishes he could be honest, back, but he thinks he’s protecting Dean by not including him.

It’s one of those lessons Cas just doesn’t quite learn—Dean would rather be in deep shit with you than in the dark. He’d rather be facing down the monsters by your side than stumbling blind.

Stop cutting your boyfriend out of the equation just because you’re afraid he might get hurt!

“Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again… I just wanted - I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself.” {Dean turns} “You think you’re the only one rolling snake eyes here?”

This reminds me of, “I look like good luck to you?” Same vibes. Maybe Cas used that as the template for this whole conversation.

“We will find a better way.” “You mean we?” [motions between them} “Yes, dumbass, we. You, me, and Sam, we’re just better together. So now that you’re back, let’s go Team Free Will”

I’m sorry, Dean, but where the hell is the personal space?

“It was under my pillow. … He came into my room and he played me.”

I’m sorry. Phrasing.

Also, what are you doing telling your boy-toy you sleep with the colt under your pillow? How did Cas even know about it? When did you tell him? What was the context of this conversation? And when did you start telling Cas things you don’t tell Sam?

Like, look, I’m not unhappy you’re breaking away from that super co-dependent relationship that is literally holding you both back while at the same time preserving you in ways that separating cannot. But, I wish we got to see it.

“How did you find us?” “While you were scamming me for the colt, Sam put a tracking device on your phone.”

Ah, yes. One of you has half a braincell, and it ain’t the one blinded by love.

“I wanted to keep you out of this. I was trying to keep you safe.” “You’re not our babysitter, Cas, okay? This is not your job. {Cas reaction} And when in our whole lives have we ever been safe?”

Honestly, I don’t think Dean’s ever been loved like this. Think about it. Nobody was there to protect Dean.

Dean was the protector—the one constantly watching out for Sammy. And, now, he tries hard to protect Cas, too. But he’s not used to someone protecting him because he feels like that’s his job.

But nobody knows more than Castiel that even the great Dean Winchester sometimes needs saving.

“Dagon is after Kelly. Your truck is broke down. Why don’t we get in the Impala, we’ll head back to the bunker and we’ll talk. We’ll figure it out.”

The shots tighten after he says this. Cas, then Dean. It’s always a battle of wills with these two. And in this moment, Cas relents.

"I betrayed my friends… my family.”

Note he talks about “two of my men” for those who call him “brother” but he no longer sees the Angels as his family. He sees Dean and Sam as his family.

“Well he hasn’t exactly had a banner year… everything’s blowing up in his face and he’s so desperate for a win right now he can’t even see straight.”

Why are they so alike!? Dean takes the Mark of Cain and straight up murders a buncha people, then Sam’s able to get the Mark off only to unleash the fucking Darkness, and now Castiel’s on the lamb with the President’s mistress and the spawn of Satan.

Yeah, fun club you’ve got, boys. I heartily decline membership.

Later, Castiel straight up smites Dagon. The moment the power flows from Kelly’s hand to Cas, Dean sees it. It’s Dean who immediately spies something is up with Cas.

“You’re hurt.”

Even when they’re at odds, he’s going to heal Dean. And it’s fascinating that he reaches for his arm, here, his and Dean’s hands barely touching as he does. His fingers wrap around Dean’s arm when they don’t need to.

“Whatever that thing did to you, we’re not gonna just let you walk away.”

Dean has seen Cas lobotomized. He’s seen him possessed. He’s seen Cas go through so many horrible things, and he wants to stop this before it gets bad. But, it’s too late.

With a touch, Sam’s out. And as he reaches for Dean, all the human can mutter is “Don’t” before he’s out and headed to the ground.

S12E20 -

“So, last night, that Super Mario power up crap? That wasn’t Cas. That freakin’ baby isn’t even born, yet, and it sock-puppeted him.”

This makes sense, based on every other time he’s seen Cas a little off. There was Godstiel, there was Naomi mind control, and there was Casifer. I mean, when it comes to being controlled by other beings, Cas has a reputation.

And it always goes badly.

“Look, this doesn’t make any sense to me, either, Dean, but if we wanna have some shot at finding Cas, then we have to, I don’t know. Uh, try and think like him?”

Look at poor Dean. He is worried. They survive Casifer and all that bullshit for Cas to up and disappear to then con him of the Colt, then he goes AWOL with Satan’s semen.

“How? I mean, seriously. Up until now if Cas messed up, if he did something wrong, but he thought it was for the right reasons, I got it. Right? But last night when I looked at him, I did not recognize the guy staring back at me.”

I mean, to be fair, Castiel didn’t look constipated, concerned, or confused, so I guess that would make him harder to recognize.

“Even if you can’t swing by, can you call me back? Just some stuff going down that’s got me spun out.”

He can’t shake the Cas stuff. He never could. And now he really wants his mom to be there for him to talk about his boy troubles.

Which is such a fun reversal from earlier in the season when he was gabbing with his Angel guy about his Mom troubles.

S12E22 -

“Y’know, it won’t long ago I thought we had it made. We saved the world. We got Cas back. We had Mom back. I mean, it wasn’t perfect, but, still, we had ’em. And now.” “Now they’re all gone.”

Ouch. I mean, just ouch. I mean, yeah, Mom stuff’s a bit worrisome, but Castiel is in the wind, not in the ground. You can still get him back.

“Yup. Big. Beautiful. And Dumb.”

Dean describing the weapon… or was he describing himself? Hmmm.

S12E23 -

“Dean.”

I just love how the little Angel only needs to acknowledge Dean. He sees the others, of course. This is his family. But it’s always gonna be Dean.

“We’ll work through our crap. We always do.”

This aches. It reminds me of Season 7 all over again when Cas assured Dean in episode 1 that he would redeem himself, that he would find a way. And then he dies.

This time, Dean says that he and Castiel will get through it because they always do. He knows that he and Cas will find their way back to one another, even if their paths diverge, sometimes. And this is important.

Because that cord between them is so strong now it feels almost impenetrable. That while their lives may take them away from one another at times, they are connected and that bond cannot be broken.

Dean has no idea how easily the right kind of blade can severe a cord completely when wielded in weighty hands. He goes into this situation knowing the odds, but thinking they’ll come out of it, fine.

And after they figure it out, they can talk it out. After they get through this latest horror, they can yell at each other and make amends.

All they need is time.

Oh, Dean, you think you have time. But time is running out, faster than you know.

“I have faith in us. You. Me. Mom. Cas. And Crowley. Sometimes.”

While, yes, the core of this show is the brothers—and it always has been—this is a moment when Dean is recounting those closest to them. And right behind his blood family is Cas.

Dean shouts when the knife pierces Cas and he sees his Angel die. He’s devastated when his Mom disappears into the closing portal with Lucifer. And while Sam has the wherewithal enough to go check on Kelly, Dean can’t tear himself from Castiel’s side.

He drops to his knees next to the body of his closest friend, his best friend, his almost something. And all those words he thought they’d have time to say die on his lips.

Something within him dies with them.

When he lost Cas to the Leviathans, he was shaky. When he lost him to Purgatory, he was devastated. When he watched him die and come back to life when he was human-ish, he nearly stroked out.

But this time, he’s shattered. Dean is shattered. The pieces are strewing everywhere and he can’t pull it back together.

Yes, part of this is his Mom. We’re not going to pretend that doesn’t hurt something awful. But it’s not all her. A lot of it is Cas.

Looking for Part V? It’s here! Thank you for reading!

[queenbeeibee]

Your highness I have a problem with your brother.

Now I'm not asking you to make mammon nicer. Oh no, he's too much of a piece of shit for that, he'll never change.

I'm asking maybe if you could convince him to treat his employees with some damn RESPECT.

Maybe not cutting our benefits or bonuses...or maybe not treat his employees like shit!

You probably view me as a fucking peasant as well, go ahead, laugh that I'm working class!

At least I'm more professional than that fat sack of shit!

It's surprising that loud, obnoxious fuck is even the sin of greed!

But one day, mark my words, he keeps this shit up, he's going to wind up with an angelic BULLET in his skull one day...

Tell him...

I FUCKING QUIT!

"Oh, honey, I don't view you as a peasant. Your feelings of frustration are valid as fuck - you have a right to be upset. I wouldn't try and tell you that you didn't.

"My baby brother can be near impossible to gain respect from. He holds everything to a standard - even the other Six of us fall somewhere in a line for him, ya know. There's nothing anyone can do to change it: that is how Mammon is. That is the measure of Greed. We've all come to terms with it long ago, but really - it's no surprise you couldn't. And don't think it's because you're Hellborn, or Greyface, or whatever your species might be it's because you just. fucked. up.

"No one threatens the other Sins in my presence. Ever."

A dark cloud of smoke - no... flies - seems to curl from between her teeth. Her mouth opens slowly at first, and then all at once, the top of her head slamming back with the sound of breaking bones. Two hands grab at the Grey Face, lifting in one smooth motion towards that black, gaping maw-

At least you won't have to find a new job, friend.

[sukunasweetheart]

//just me venting about sukuna haters sorry

Not me seeing so much discourse about whether sukuna is a well written villain or not... he essentially has no backstory shown as of yet and we barely know anything about him but he is still one of the most naturally interesting and compelling characters in the whole damn series bro 💀 buckle up bc its about to get lengthy (im just glazing sukuna in this post ngl so 🧎‍♀️)

so many whiny ass mfs are weeping about how he "doesn't have any personal goals or a proper reason to be a villain" when that is the whole point???? He lives on his own desires and satisfactions and does whatever he wants to, because he is capable enough to do that. Mfs want "real villains" but cant even handle sukuna 💀 ive seen too many shit ass threads and poorly articulated "critiques" on his character that dont make any valid points. If you can't even separate your personal dislike of a character from your analysis of their writing, dont even bother posting that shit please 😭😭😭 the fact that we haven't even gotten any information about his background yet and people are jumping the gun about him being "poorly written" is already saying a lot 🤨

The fact that yall are so bitter and angry about him that you can write 500+ words about how oh-so-terrible of a villain he is kinda proves that he's doing his job well tbh 💁‍♀️

What also bothers me to no END is how people compare him with villains of other series, who had compelling sob stories that made people empathise with them. Thats nice and all but why should all villains have grand ideals and be subject to feelings of empathy/sympathy from their audience?

Part of what makes sukuna so interesting is how he's not tied down by morals, rules or long term goals in life. He doesn't limit himself, which is what makes him an unpredictable character. He's completely left behind what it means to be human in many ways, and he's clearly not a character written to be empathised with. He is very purposefully inhumane and distant from everyone else, and that feeling transcends from within the series to real life as well. There is a clear lack of understanding bc most of us can't comprehend what its like to just live without being goal-oriented.

Sukuna is a true anomaly in the sense that he doesnt really fit in any kind of box within the series. He's born from man, but its clear that he separates himself from humans (and nobody else considers him human, either). He's not a cursed spirit. He hovers between life and death. The narrator referred to him as the honoured one, whilst angel referred to him as the disgraced one.

These little contradictions in his character make him all the more complicated and interesting to think about. And even recently, he's been shown to waver a little bit momentarily in the manga, questioning his own irritation at yuuji. He's capable of self reflection, and though sukuna does whatever he wants for the most part, he doesn't blindly go into things without some thought first, he's a constant thinker and analyser, and an intelligent one at that.

And honestly, he is always such a joy to watch and read, his personality is so flavourful, and the way he carries himself is very attractive. He's not afraid to get messy or of getting hurt, theres so much chaos in the way he does things and yet he also has a huge element of gracefulness to him, which shines through the poetic way he speaks. Its undeniable that sukuna simply oozes charisma...

And this isnt talked about enough but this man is genuinely so effortlessly funny (in a kind of sinister way i guess?) Like yes he is an old ass man having real beef with one FIFTEEN YEAR OLD for very little reason, he accidentally healed yuujis arm and somehow expected him to be grateful for it despite how he literally ripped his heart out afterwards, then he proceeded to sit on him after kicking him down likeeee 😭 what kind of behaviour is this sir

His facial expressions at yorozus yapping 💀 THE WAY HE COMPARED YUUJIS FACE OF DESPAIR TO THE HARIMA STATUE 😭😭😭💀😭💀💀😭 omg that was so foul but i was fucking losing it ngl

How he randomly compared gojo to a fish and started talking abt his scales... thats a very unique and descriptive comparison, isnt it? Even in the recent leaks, he was 100% ready and squaring up to a literal child talking abt "youre starting to get annoying" LIKE HELPPP 😭 HE FR SAID "fuck them kids and fuck you too"

I saw someone saying that sukuna has no passion, like are we talking about the same character....? This man is a literal jujutsu NERD 💀💀 he truly recognises talented sorcerers and the only time hes seen to be having genuine fun is when hes fighting a mf... is that not passion? This is literally sukuna when it comes to jujutsu: 🤓

Anyway im done here now, im pretty sure i missed a lot of things i couldve talked about as well but ive done enough yapping

[marley-manson]

Could you expand on your dislike for the Raphael!Crowley headcanon? I'm fairly certain I know why but your meta posts are always so thoughtful and articulate and I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic

Thank you, I really appreciate it! And fwiw I always enjoy reading your thoughts as well!

And yeah I'm happy to! I mean first I should say that I don't actually like, hate-hate it in fanfic, it's not like an instant back-button for me if it comes up, and I feel like I've seen one or two fics after season 1 where I thought it was fine and it didn't take me out of the story.

But yeah in general I just don't like Crowley being special lol. I like the book vibe where Crowley and Aziraphale are just two... not quite nobodies, given their roles in Eden and the spy allegory of the present day, but certainly not particularly powerful or impressive demon/angels. Crowley and Aziraphale's "superpowers," such as they are, are just their adaptability thanks to living on Earth so long. That's what defines them compared to the rest of Hell and Heaven and sets them apart as uniquely capable of giving a fuck and doing something about the apocalypse. Eg Hastur and Ligur are explicitly more powerful than Crowley, but Crowley escapes them by the skin of his teeth because he's able to break convention by weaponizing holy water, and he's familiar with technology, and more capable of thinking on his feet in general.

I like that all their uniqueness comes from living on Earth with humanity. It resonates with the thematic core of the story, it's fun, and it's interesting. Crowley now being able to perform super impressive miracles and casually resurrect people (something presumably not every angel can do since Aziraphale can't resurrect Edinburgh girl) and read heaven's secret files and potentially stop time in season 1 because he's a former archangel diminishes that vibe to me.

Another con of Raphael!Crowley as a headcanon is that a lot of the time, ime, it feels similar to lost scion of royalty headcanons in other fandoms in an unpleasant way - the way that kind of leans into the idea of someone being inherently superior and worth more by birth (or creation I guess in an angel's case lol). I don't think this is necessarily inherent to the headcanon, or an aspect I think Gaiman will definitely emphasize, but there is that worry lol, especially considering how gary stu-ish Crowley felt to me this season.

Like, why is him being a former archangel meaningful or significant at all? Why does the headcanon exist? What makes Raphael!Crowley different enough from Random Angel #2398!Crowley that it's even brought up as a character detail or plot point that excites people? And I'm not implying that there are no valid reasons (eg exploring why a high ranking angel specifically would fall, or to add some drama for Aziraphale if he finds out and it matters to him, or to add drama between Crowley and the other archangels, etc), but quite often the vibe I get from this headcanon is that Crowley's just inherently more interesting and cool if he used to be a high ranking angel instead of some rando, which is a vibe that puts me off.

Ultimately I just tend to prefer mundane origins to surprise significant origins, and stories about average people (at least in their own context, as angels or w/e) moulded by life who make interesting plot-driving choices rather than inherently unique and special people. And Crowley being Raphael doesn't necessarily make him special, but it does lean in that direction, especially if it's treated as a surprise significant reveal and yk, a source of superpowers.

And to be fair I actually have been thinking about directions this concept could go in season 3 that wouldn't annoy me, and one is to emphasize that archangels aren't inherently special at all and it's an arbitrary designation, and Crowley doesn't give a shit and anyone who does (like other archangels or w/e) is going to be painted as naive and silly and too into hierarchies.

And/or, yk, emphasize that "Anthony Crowley" is emphatically NOT Raphael, regardless of who God created him as. Choose your own destiny. All that jazz. Especially if the Metatron is offering him angelhood again I could see former identity and status being brought into play and held up as extra significant by the antagonists and treated as something to be shut down and dismissed by the narrative, which I would enjoy.

So yeah, at the end of the day I just prefer Crowley as just some guy who happened to get the Earth Agent assignment, rather than the mysterious only fallen archangel.

[crusherthedoctor]

Opinions That Aren't Mutually Exclusive:

"Sonic should be allowed to tell stories, and the dismissal of story in Sonic because it's a video game series is silly" and "It's still a video game series first and foremost, so the gameplay part is still the top priority, meaning anyone who doesn't like a game because they didn't like the gameplay is perfectly valid"

"Sonic is a Japanese IP, and no amount of western adaptations will change that" and "It shouldn't matter where in the world the people handling a Sonic product are from, as long as they're competent and humble"

"Alternate gameplay styles can exist in Sonic" and "You can't just do anything willy nilly, it should make sense for a Sonic game in some capacity, even if it's another character"

"Sonic's world should feel like a place that people could live in" and "It should be creative, inspiring, and not emulate the real world at the cost of everything else"

"Sonic does not think like a typical superhero, nor does he go out of his way to redeem villains if they show no remorse" and "Sonic is a compassionate person who is quick to befriend others if they're not evil or if things have mended between them"

"Sonic is the namesake character, and his influence in the world around him is key to the series" and "Other characters should be allowed to exist beyond Sonic, and not have their every decision and contribution dictated solely by Sonic's influence"

"Tails should have childlike traits" and "Tails should have agency, and not be useless or a submissive yes man"

"Tails' outburst in Lost World and his moment of weakness in Forces could have been handled better" and "The solutions fans come up with are often nonsensical and would only make things worse"

"The Master Emerald and Angel Island are important to Knuckles" and "His entire existence should not revolve around them"

"Amy's love for Sonic should not be flanderized to the levels of the mid-00's" and "Amy should not be a Strong Female Character™ who's too cool for mushiness"

"Eggman is a funny guy" and "He is also a huge piece of shit"

"Eggman doesn't do things for the evulz" and "He does things for himself, and his evil is not any lesser because of that"

"Other villains can exist" and "When two decades worth of upstagings have happened, no shit I'm going to be cautious and give every newcomer the side-eye until they're confirmed to NOT drag Eggman through the mud"

"Shadow can be aggressive if he has to" and "Shadow is never an arsehole for the sake of being an arsehole"

"Shadow's backstory is necessary to the context of what made him who he is as we know him" and "He's already confronted it and should be allowed to move on without having Maria's memory dangled in front of him at all times"

"Rouge is not in Sonic's immediate group in the same way as Tails, Amy, Cream, etc" and "Rouge is not a villain, or even that morally grey, since despite her jewel thieving tendencies, the amount of times where she's helped the heroes far outweighs the number of times where she hasn't"

"I don't think Silver is an interesting character, and he was artificially shilled at Sonic's expense in '06" and "IDW Silver is a deceitful portrayal of who Silver actually is"

"Elise was not used well" and "She did not deserve the hate she received, and is hated half the time for dumbass reasons"

"Metal Sonic's identity crisis is an intriguing idea" and "You can convey that idea without him usurping Eggman and becoming another dime-a-dozen giant monster, you can't use insanity as a handwave to throw anything at the wall to see what sticks, because the good and bad ways to establish insanity always depends on who that character is"

"Some of the IDW characters had potential" and "That potential was swiftly thrown out in favor of flanderizing them, turning them into Sally clones, or turning them into Eggman Usurper #59"

"Sonic shouldn't be infantilized as a series, like Sonic's portrayal in Prime" and "It also shouldn't be edgy for edgy's own sake, like the zombot arc in IDW"

"The games are not perfect, with some of them having much more inexcusable flaws and baffling decisions than others" and "The games are what started the franchise, and the cartoons/comics/etc would not exist without them, therefore you can't pretend the latter are the centerpiece of the franchise even if you prefer them"

"SA1 is one of my favourite games in the series" and "The direction shift from Classic to Adventure may have had understandable intentions behind it, but by making said shift so vocal instead of more graceful and seamless ala 3D Mario, ultimately it was responsible for creating one of the biggest divides in the fandom since SatAM"

"Shadow the Hedgehog is not a good game" and "But it is a funny one, so I can't hate it too much"

"Sonic '06 is over a decade old, and reviewers should stop bringing it up in every review where it's not relevant" and "It's worth remembering what '06 did wrong so that its mistakes aren't repeated, which is especially crucial in the wake of fans choosing to retcon it as an underrated masterpiece"

"No game in the series is perfect, not even your favourite one" and "Literal perfection is impossible to achieve, and would be highly subjective even if it was, the flaws shouldn't cancel out your fondness for the game"

"I respect Yuji Naka's contributions to the series" and "I don't necessarily like Yuji Naka as a person"

"SEGA of Japan have not had a flawless track record" and "It's still their IP, and SEGA of America, as well as fans and creators, need to respect that"

"I've not been that interested or impressed with Daniel Barnes' output in the series so far, and the mantra of ___ Can Do No Wrong is a dangerous slope that leads to egos like Flynn's" and "I respect Barnes' integrity that other IDW crewmembers have not shown"

"I favor adaptations that are faithful to the source material" and "I can like adaptations that do their own thing as long as it doesn't go against the core of the franchise/characters too much"

"We're on our way to the ARK" and "So I guess that means we're going too"

[deadgirlwalking91]

I’m not okay, i swear i cried..

I COMPLETELY FORGOT WHAT A BITCH ADAM WAS?! (not that Lute was any different)

AND THE FACT THAT WHEN CHARLIE TOLD ADAM ABOUT LUTE HAVING LOST AN ARM HE WAS ALL ‘AND’?! AND?! ADAM I SWEARRRRR.

Theory:

6 months are a whole long ass time…

What i believe is that Adam will treat Lute like shit until the meeting with Sera,..Lute’s gonna completely lose it in front of everyone, especially Adam…

Maybe then Adam will get that something’s wrong.

I also feel like Lute will show Adam his halo, when they will start having a better relationship..OR, Adam will find it by himself, sneaking in her room or something, and he’ll want EXPLANATIONS…that no one other than Lute can give him.

AND OF COURSE..when Lute will stop being such a pussy (not her fault she’s just absolutely BROKEN) she’ll prove her points to Adam, telling him that he had removed the mask for her, that he cared for her…that he read a fucking novel to get her back, EVERYTHING.

I swear, i want Adam’s reaction to Lute telling him about all his little secrets he revealed to her as an angel, proving that they had something going on.

Then of course the bitch will slowly realise that Lute, to the uh..past him..?, meant something and he will feel something for her too, and maybe JUST THEN he’ll FINALLY care about her losing an arm.

But, of course, we got so many chapters SO LET’S GOO!!!

as if i haven’t cried enough already

Hey Anon,

Ahhh I'm *so* sorry! I always feel so awful when people comment that they've cried; probably because I hate crying when I read or watch something sad so I just assume everybody else does, too haha.

Adam was SUCH a dick, and it's been really fun re-visiting that cold, asshole-y side of him again. I guess in a similar way it's been fun revisiting the side of Lute that's guarded and angry (though I feel like here she has a totally valid excuse. Poor girl is going through it).

I loooooove these theories!!! Keep 'em coming, they are SO much fun to read! I obviously can't say too much because of spoilers, but I really can't wait to share some of the upcoming interactions and dynamics between not just Adam and Lute, but them with the other Hazbins, too. I do promise we'll start to see a shift away from 24/7 angst soon as well (lord knows it's taking its toll on me. I am not an angsty writer, I am a romance writer!)

Thank you so much for the amazing ask, Anon (and I'm really sorry again that you cried!)

As a small consolation...he's a lil something from the next chapter. It's not much, but I hope it makes you smile, at least!

“Seriously, though,” Layla’s tone softened. “What’s going on? You look…”

“Like shit, I know. You don’t have to sugarcoat it.”

“I was going more for tired. Like you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a while.”

The smile faded from Lute’s face, and she gave Layla a half-shrug as she sunk deeper into her pillow. “Yeah, well. They’re not going to get better anytime soon. Listen, can you keep a secret? I mean it; this isn’t fun, Exorcist gossip. It’s serious shit.”

“Of course,” Layla breathed. “I mean, I never even told anybody about that one time you, Adam and I—”

“Layla!” Lute hissed. Her cheeks grew embarrassingly warm at the memory. “This is so much bigger than that!”

“Well, what is it, then? The suspense is killing me!”

[quillyfied]

Alright, this is mostly a reaction post to Helluva Boss s2e8: Full Moon, but since I’ve watched the episode three times now and have been thinking about it for the better part of the day…more cerebral than a true reaction, I guess. And not chronological, either; this is divided into two sections, Plot and Feels. Please accept this wild spilling of my guts on this, my first episode since I found the show in February. (Obviously spoilers for Full Moon, but also for Hazbin Hotel.)

First things first: for anyone who hated the CHERUB/DHORKS plot this episode specifically because it distracted from the Stolitz trainwreck, you’re valid, but also, this is QUIET UNDERSTATED HUGE BACKGROUND PLOT CALLING, something that’s been building since s1e3: Spring Broken AT LEAST, and it’s MASSIVELY IMPORTANT, OKAY. I am losing my mind over all the foreshadowing and implications here, folks. And that little interaction between Collin and the rest of CHERUB, where they’re trying to justify their actions and he goes “I don’t think that’s how that works.” GET IT BC ACCORDING TO HAZBIN HOTEL NOBODY KNOWS HOW ANYONE GETS INTO HEAVEN. GET IT. GET IT.

ANYWAY.

My ongoing “IMP and Stolas are in deep legal shit” theory, which I need to condense into one post or tag or something to point at bc there’s too much evidence stacked up now to just summarize what I mean, gets not just more fodder in the form of DHORKS giving CHERUB mech suits that LOOK LIKE IMP, but Stolas outright saying Blitzo can now go about his business WITHOUT BREAKING DEMON LAW. We know that there’s a trial of sorts near the end of the season (or I’m guessing it’s at the end; I thought the fight sequence here was going to be during Mastermind so I’m already wrong on that count), we know Stolas appears to be in some real trouble, and now knowing that Blitzo and IMP are operating on Earth under Ozzie’s jurisdiction, there’s now more at stake for their shenanigans to drag Ozzie into some actual legal shit, not just general classist asshattery for dating an imp. From what we can tell from the trailer it seems like post-crystal IMP is at least trying to go more incognito, though all we have to go on is snapshots from Ghostfuckers, but IMP’s general indiscretion is going to backfire very badly on them, on Stolas, and now maybe even on Ozzie, and I am RABID FOR IT OKAY. CONSEQUENCES?? IN MY SILLY DARK MURDER COMEDY??? UNEXPECTED BUT PLEASE DO EXPLORE THEM.

Also, the sheer horror of DHORKS having a PRIEST ARMY?? The fact that they sent some kids through the portal, that they got EVISCERATED by EYED TENTACLES, and they AREN’T EVEN SURE HELL IS WHERE THEY WOUND UP?? JUST POUR THE FERTILIZER ON MY “ROO EXISTS ON A BOTTOM LEVEL OF REALITY SOMEWHERE AND IS GROWING MORE POWERFUL (PROBABLY THANKS TO THE EXTERMINATIONS)” THEORY, IT’S GROWING LIKE WEEDS. And beyond that, even if this scene doesn’t have more cosmic implications (it does look me in my eyes IT DOES), the basic surface-level plot issues that are going to come from a HUMAN ARMY looking to WIPE OUT HELL is bad enough. But this show isn’t Hazbin Hotel. The stakes aren’t going to wind up being that cosmic and fundamental to existence. If the priest army ever actually makes it to Hell, I’ll be very surprised. What will NOT surprise me is Blitzo facing consequences for his recklessness and everyone he dragged into it with him, because surprisingly real consequences for silly shenanigans has really started to become something I expect from this show as it grows, and I am being FED, alright. Also I’m going full Charlie Day with the corkboard now, I’m aware of that, but I need to get all of this out of the way so I can start to examine the blood spatter of my exploded heart thanks to Stolas and Blitzo.

Because Moxxie says that business is going well for them right now. IMP follows Blitzo to make sure he’s not going to fuck up their meal ticket. IMP is making a MESS of downtown Lust because CHERUBS ARE IN HELL. ANGELIC BEINGS ARE IN HELL. AND ALSO YEAH HOW IN HECK DOES CHERUB KNOW ABOUT EXORCISTS?? Thought they were supposed to be a secret in Heaven. So. Throws the timing of this into question, really. Unless Exorcists are a known category of angel, but their exact duties are unknown, which is likely tbh. But again ANGELS IN HELL AND NOT IN PRIDE GOING AFTER SINNERS, BUT IN LUST GOING AFTER HELLBORN. LIKE. THIS SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY BIG DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT ACTUALLY. Y’know. If it wasn’t just cherubs and imps and anybody actually cared outside of the massive property damage. The crystal is already registered to Blitzo at this point, even if he doesn’t have it yet…look I’m gonna be spinning my wheels about this for a while, let me have this.

(…why do they have Mothman in a demonic containment cell.)

(and something with a lot of tentacles)

(how many cryptids are in this place??? LET THEM OUT)

Now where in the several planes of reality did they get an extradimensional portal generator? Like, I know that of all things THIS is probably not gonna get explained and I’m okay with that, but I’m deeply curious about how they developed this technology. Still holding to my theory that Stolas’ summoning of himself might have had something to do with it, but for now it’s unclear.

Also the American-centrism of it all. The layers of fourth-wall sarcasm are STIFLING.

And Collin. I see your continued reluctance and horror. I hope you get your vindication. Though it is interesting that even though he’s clearly scared out of his mind, he does still manage to hurt Loona. He had a clear shot on Blitzo but hesitates. He is dragging his feet every inch he can muster in his Moxxie suit. He can’t even fly like the other two can. Collin is a sore thumb in about every way he can be during this episode. I want that payoff. I want it bad.

You know what else I want bad? An explanation of what Cherub Towne and Heaven in general is really like, if these dweebs don’t know what sex shops or a club is. Sex shop, I kinda get, given their and Vaggie’s reaction to BDMS gear, Heaven being prudish seems like a fair assumption to make. But. Heaven doesn’t have CLUBS? And Adam was OKAY WITH THAT?? Boggles the mind, I tell you. Boggles.

(…maybe it was just a budget issue but I do wonder at how none of the Cherubs had gold blood anywhere. Plenty of bruises, but Moxxie and Millie and Loona all got stabbed, shot, or bruised enough to show plenty of black blood. CHERUB got their asses kicked just as hard, but no gold blood? Could be time and budget issues. Could be…something else. I’ve got my eye on you, Helluva Boss.)

Because I think I’m more or less done now…and it’s time to get to the main event:

I have been purposely avoiding any footage or sound of the duet until this moment. And I am SO GLAD I DID, because When I See Him Tonight is a TREASURE, a MASTER CLASS in both recap and foreshadowing. Because it’s the summary of Everything Wrong Up Until This Point, and a blueprint for How It Will Go Wrong Shortly. Because, I want to point this out up front: nothing that happens in this episode between Blitzo and Stolas is a surprise. Nothing said, nothing done—none of this is a surprise. To us. The audience. The ones not just watching them both go through this, but chewing the plot down to the marrow for meaning, interpreting based on our understanding of the characters and world, extrapolating, iterating, writing so many of our own theories and fics about how this moment would go that the fact that it plays out pretty much true to the tone we were predicting makes it all the more satisfying. Or it does for me, anyway; let me not accidentally speak for more than just myself. Don’t get me wrong, it’s heartbreaking, but it’s such a RELIEF, honestly. It’s a necessary breaking down, burning away what wasn’t working and was actively hurting them both to start the hard work of rebuilding. THIS has been building since s1e1, THIS has been the emotional heart of the show, and watching it reach a breaking point is DELICIOUS.

The buildup is so perfect, too: Blitzo is having a good day. Blitzo NEVER has good days. Blitzo’s good days get dunked straight into the toilet, either because of his own actions or because the universe (or his subconscious) can’t let him have nice things. Juxtapose that with Stolas’ nerves, the knowing that he’s going to do something that will change the nature of their relationship, and while we know it’s necessary, Blitzo making the active choice to ignore the storm he can feel coming in favor of fixing it with sex (GREAT sex, mind, sex that he has every intention of making good for both of them; I want to stress very much that while Stolas and Blitzo are ill-equipped to talk to each other in emotionally vulnerable ways, their sexual compatibility appears to be solid as ever, so good for them)…it just makes Stolas’ anxiety (AND APPARENTLY NOT BEING ON HIS MEDS SOMEONE HELP THIS BIRD MAN) that much more sharp in comparison. It is a perfect teeing up of a golf shot that’s going straight through someone’s windows and causing thousands of dollars in property damage.

…and dear sweet Loona, who isn’t exactly wrong but isn’t exactly right either, pouring gasoline on this situation and activating Blitzo’s already-awakened anxiety about his and Stolas’ relationship is just. Mwah. Perfect. Cherry on top of this shit sundae. The last perfect condition to make this a supercell feels tornado. LET’S DO THIS.

(Side note but exactly how much money did Blitzo spend on his bag of tricks because YOWZA, does he go throwing around a sack about as big as the one he tossed down to his dad full of stolen stuff back in s2e1.)

HEY BLITZO AND FIZZ FRIENDSHIP HANG ON LET ME BASK. Especially at how effortlessly flirty and touchy they are with each other, that’s just a really nice touch for both of them (pun not intended). Also the fact that Blitzo is VERY CONFIDENT that Stolas is into the Dragon Driller 5000 raises some…questions. I will file them along with the questions I have about Stolas’ lack of reaction to getting his leg snapped and then stabbed in Western Energy.

(CLOACA MENTION)

Right off the bat the tension in this scene is unbearable. There’s the real-world tension of having waited for this moment for literal months. There’s the in-universe tension of Stolas being nervous about what he’s about to do. There’s the in-universe tension of Blitzo hoping things just go back to normal and being excited about that. There’s the dramatic irony of the audience knowing this is about to fall to shit and neither of these chuckleheads being fully aware of what exactly the other guy is about to do, compounding with the underlying cracks that they are BOTH feeling in their relationship and are BOTH very insecure about. But there’s a special sort of pain in seeing Blitzo so excited and trying so hard to get Stolas excited too and it just not working, because it’s the exact opposite of their usual dynamic. The script has flipped, for some reason.

For SOME reason. Ha. As if the miscommunication horse wasn’t galloping as fast as she could FROM THE START OF THE EPISODE.

I want to stress here that this mess of a situation that Blitzo and Stolas are in doesn’t have fault or blame in it. Or, rather, it’s a mutually-created tar pit of both of their mistakes and assumptions and hurts. They’re BOTH at fault, they are BOTH to blame, and in a way, neither of them are, either. This is the ugly truth of damage scraping damage: more often than not…it causes MORE damage. Blitzo and Stolas could be really good for each other, but they have to clear away the blockages first, and that can be really painful, especially when Blitzo’s self-hatred and Stolas’ self-hatred causes them both to misinterpret each other in the worst possible ways that reinforces those self-hatreds. The ways that this show hammers home how destructive self-hatred can be is COMING FOR MY ASS, OKAY. I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT IT THAT I’M NOT SURE I CAN REALLY TALK ABOUT IT COHERENTLY.

Look, so many people are going to say it so much better, are going to analyze the ways that Stolas and Blitzo are talking past each other, but saying what they individually need to in order to start that necessary brush fire is what we all knew was coming. Stolitz isn’t going to get together this season, not with how much work they both need to put into themselves first. Blitzo has to want to be better for HIMSELF, not just for Stolas, not just for Loona, not just for all the friends he has and once had. Stolas has to learn who HE is, not as a parent or a husband or a lover, but as a person. The nuanced truth to “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” is “you accept the love you think you deserve,” and right now neither one of these poor bitches is in a place to accept the love they want to give each other. Blitzo isn’t even in a place to acknowledge that what HE feels is love, let alone that what STOLAS feels is love. He’s still in a world where his love spells disaster for everyone close to him. Reconciling with Fizz has started the hard work of dismantling that view of himself, but Blitzo isn’t ready yet, and he needs time to think and process. Stolas is so ready to begin his life at last that it doesn’t occur to him that Blitzo hasn’t been really hearing him or understanding his overtures and teasing (or that his overtures and teasing have often been classist AF, reinforcing Blitzo’s belief in Stolas’ view of him as a toy and not a person). I think given time, maybe what they’ve each been saying to each other in this scene will hit. But in the moment, oh my WORD it's a trash fire, the prophecy of the duet come to pass in glorious HD.

Side note to talk about how it looks like everything in Stolas’ house is covered, as if Stolas is leaving: HEY WTF??? Like on the one hand oh my LORD ABOVE, the parallels of Stolas covering himself up in portraits but leaving Via uncovered to Blitzo scribbling himself out of pictures. On the other hand, WHERE IS HE GOING?? Like. Drop cloths are used to keep the dust off of things when going on a trip, or leaving for a long time, or just not using that wing of the house anymore, but they’re walking through what is directly outside of Stolas’ room (and coming to stop at the very chandelier where they played as children, KILL ME). Why does it feel like Stolas was already leaving even before this rupture? Why is this teaming up with Loona’s observation that Stolas must be getting bored of Blitzo to punch me repeatedly in the gut? And does this have anything to do with the upcoming trial and what very much appears to be Andrealphus about to attack Blitzo and Stolas outside of his house? (I’m now doubting if it was Andrealphus’ house, or if he just froze over Stolas’ palace to take as his own, because the cobblestone pattern looks similar to what’s outside of Stolas’ place and Andrealphus’ Let It Go castle doesn’t appear to have the same in the brief shot we get of it I AM GOING INSANE.)

…I do love, though, how even though Blitzo is aggressive about it, he DOES want to keep talking it out, he just needs time to process. Stolas needs space to grieve, to be hurt without being seen. They’re both seeing it as the other guy just not taking them seriously, not wanting them around, how the FUCK can these two morons want the same thing but be so wrong about each other at the same time (I know, I know why, I watch the show, I’m just in despair right now). I don’t think Apology Tour is going to fix everything, not by a long shot, but if it can get these two to at least understand each other enough to realize that neither of them was actually being rejected…it’s a tall order, Viv, but I believe in your team. And this certainly explains why Stolas would have Bitch Supreme expressions at Blitzo approaching him after this, assuming Short Robe Stolas is in Apology Tour (I am on my hands and knees begging PLEASE); his feelings were mocked, the depths of his misconceptions were revealed, and his boundaries were pushed when he tried to escape. Though why Blitzo is coming for Stolas after this…can’t quite say, but it might have something to do with why IMP is on the run (unless that’s in early Ghostfuckers, which it could be, but hOW LONG IS THAT EPISODE GONNA BE, SAKES ALIVE). Because Blitzo was sexually rebuffed, given a consolation prize after being discarded, and subjected to way too much honesty without any time to prepare or process (or any immediate violence to keep his adrenaline up so he has no choice but to process, or whatever magic happened with Fizz), then dumped after spilling his vitriolic guts in an attempt to talk it out.

THEY. ARE. A. GOD. DAMNED. MESS.

And I am SO looking forward to the cleanup :P

[hypergamiss]

What do you think of the fact that we never truly know anyone? And that people show different parts of themselves to certain people?

I have a close male friend who treats me absolutely amazing. He is genuinely a great man and I have a hard time saying that about most men lol. What really drew me to him was his desire to protect me. He has always stepped in when other men were getting a little too hostile with me. He taught me self defense and how to fight.

When I moved several hours away, he took time out of his day to move me and then drove back like it was nothing. He's just an all around good guy. But there's one thing that bothers me, when he doesn't like a woman he will call her a cunt to her face. Other women around us will usually call him out, while I just sit there and let him say it.

Since I've been friends with him, I feel like I shouldn't be bothered by the way men treat other women. As long as they treat me right, why should I get upset? He would never talk to me like that. Men pick and choose which women they want to respect and I feel like that's none of my business. Getting upset on behalf of other women over stuff that didn't even happen to me, has completely exhausted me over the years. I'm tired of doing things in the name of "solidarity".

They say one persons trash is another persons treasure. I've seen men be extremely abusive and evil towards one woman and then be an absolute angel with the next woman. I see it all the time on TikTok. Women crying about how their ex is doing all the things she begged him to do for years, for this new woman. Some say, just wait they'll show their true colors eventually. But sometimes it doesn't happen.

I know this probably sounds horrible, but it's a conversation that needs to be had. Many women aren't willing to accept that their Prince Charming has probably treated other women like shit in his past. Very few men have been "good" their entire lives.

You raise a fascinating point about the multifaceted nature of people. We all wear different masks in different situations. It's true, we never truly "know" someone completely. I think this is yet another way us humans and the life we live can be so convoluted. Your example sheds a negative side to this, but I do believe that different people bring out different sides of us all. I'm much more relaxed and witty around certain people because I trust them a lot, and more reserved with those I'm simply not that close to. This feels like a very philosophical ask and I love it.

Your friend sounds like a loyal protector. His chivalry and willingness to help are admirable qualities. However, the stark contrast between how he treats you and other women is concerning. Disrespectful language towards any woman raises red flags, even if it's not directed at you. I understand your thoughts on the whole situation and how it can feel perplexing to say the least.

Exhaustion from feeling obligated to be constantly outraged can be real. But witnessing blatant disrespect can also be a call to action. It's not just about blind "solidarity," it's about upholding basic human decency. I think that your feelings are valid, but personally I wake up and choose to make this world a safer and better place for women in any way that I can (including making time for this blog).

I've seen a number of those videos that you are talking about. I believe that not all of us humans are blessed with guidance growing up and it transpires into our love life as adults and we end up paying for it. Men can certainly do a better job of leaving alone women that they don't have genuine intentions for and women can also do a better job at learning how to love themselves more and have iron clad boundaries. We simply don't know what we don't know until we unfortunately go through the hardship of learning it all, unless we have a support system to warn us and teach us otherwise. Some people even do have a support system and get their fair warnings, but simply don't learn until they physically go through all of the heartbreak anyway. So yes, one persons trash is another persons treasure because you will never be cherished if you stay in a situation that no longer serves you.

The "Prince Charming" ideal can be a dangerous illusion. Most people have a past, and it's not always picture-perfect. So I agree with you, most men are simply not good people. Us women greatly benefit from keeping the focus on ourselves and simply existing. Let the men do all the hard work and let them prove to you that they deserve you by going above and beyond with their ACTIONS. A man will literally do anything for a woman he truly loves, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[alexwatchesshows]

Grace & Frankie S7E16 review

Spoilers for up to and including S7E16.

Well, it's the finale. We made it. (I say "we". Literally nobody has seen these posts).

Grace and Frankie's plotline was the shit I love this show for. They get back together in the most whacky, batshit insane way possible but it's also deeply heartwarming. Dolly Parton was a literal angel (I mean, we all knew that). Frankie was open and honest about her fears of aging and Grace validated that and comforted and reassured her. The character growth that shows on behalf of both of them is immense. As a duo as well, we've seen them come so far, to the point where now neither of them can imagine living without the other. I am now remembering why I care so much about this show.

Robert is also accepting his illness, and doing it beautifully. Him and Sol are an equally unlikely couple but seeing them collaborate and be there for each other is so sweet, and we ended with the most beautiful reminder of their love and just that little bit more backstory.

Coyote and Jessica, as well as Bud and Alison, are both embarking on new journeys in their relationships and careers and personal growth. This feels like a jumping off point and I love this episode for that.

Brianna and Mallory are also starting new journeys, but they are starting these not with their partners but with each other. I love how this show showcases all different kinds of relationships and, not just with G&F but also with these two, non-romantic relationships are shown to be just as valuable. Despite all the drama between them in recent seasons, they're there for each other and they, like G&F are going to start a new business. What a time. What a time.

Ultimately, this really is a beginning, like the title says. We've come from a place of complete disruption and dysfunction to see and value some really well-rounded people.

Season wrap-up coming soon.

[owen-not-carvour]

I have, once again, made my dad (and also my mom this time!) listen to Will Wood.

First was "Laplace's Angel", which my dad described as "frantic." which is fair. Next up was "Vampire Reference in a Minor Key" because it's a beautiful song and I love it. My parents both thought it was nice, and my mom said the guitar parts of the song reminded her of musician Ottmar Liebert. I googled it, and turns out a guitar song I liked in elementary school was done by Ottmar Liebert, the more you know!

Last time I sent you an anon about playing Will Wood songs for my parents, you suggested I play "Let's Get You Home" since my dad likes Will's calmer songs. I took your advice! He seemed to think it was nice, but wasn't too particularly interested in it. I was reminded of how soft and emotional that song is.

My final song choice was "Marsha Thankk You". My dad was pretty curious about this one and asked me to read the lyrics to him after the song finished.

ohhhhhh if it isn’t my favorite (and only) anon!!

welcome back my guy :)

my takeaways:

-accurate description of Laplace’s Angel FOR SURE i fuckin love that shit fghjkjhgf

(i read your ‘which is fair’ in will’s voice from becoming the last names 🙃)

-VAMPIRE REFERENCE YESSSSSSSS i adore that song with my whole being it is one of the more real songs i have ever heard (me abt all of wills music though lol)

-that’s also a super cool connection between music too..

this is sort of a parallel tangent to that,, but ik will uses a lot of familiar motifs and melodies n shit (even his own ones too) across all of his music so i always think its interesting when he sounds familiar to another artist.. or like 15. (i often feel like i’d heard some of will’s songs before i’d heard them but i still can’t place what they remind me of. i’m talking about red moon and 5 names if anyone has any ideas)

-tbh his opinion of lets get you home is also very valid.. the first time i heard it i thought basically the same thing. and then i listened to it during a depressive episode at like 3 am and it changed my life and means a whole lot more to me now,,, same with falling up and white noise.. so yeah icimi i love you forever lol

-and marsha is another great choice (you rlly can’t miss with will though !!) and him asking you to tell him the lyrics after is SO real. my favorite line from that one (not including how the whole song just has an interesting vibe and meaning and etc etc) is “you could sing a pretty malady like a black canary, but a crow don’t know the smell of carbon monoxide.”

just. AHHHHHHHH i didn’t realize he said “malady” instead of “melody” for like a week at first but it still made perfect sense.. it just got Better when i realized it was a different word