#sorry anon for the whole rant and going off topic it just gets under my skin so bad
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dailyfigures · 6 months ago
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Unpopular opinion: I hate hate HATE loli figures. idc if people collect them because they’re ‘cute’ it’s still weird asf imo, there are so many other and much cuter figures. It disgusts me how popular and normalized they are among the anime community.
strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree
oh god anon allow me to specifically rant about one of my worst pet peeves. i used to see this mostly on tiktok when i still had the app, but i've seen it happen on most social media.
it really grinds my gears when people own a suggestive/nsfw figure of a minor, and then accuse anyone who dares to say something about it of sexualising children. if you want to own figures of a child/teenager in lingerie, i'm really not a fan of that but at least own up to it. don't act like everyone else is weird when you own a figure made with a certain intention and refuse to admit it.
maybe it helps to give an example; i saw someone on tiktok own a figure of ram from re:zero in lingerie, on hands and knees with an arched back. i think ram is 17 and later in the series an adult, arguebly not the worst figure ever but i can imagine people finding it a little weird. op started accusing everyone who made a comment about the figure by pulling an uno reverse and going "wow....how deeply SICK of YOU to see a child and make it sexual....i would NEVER see her like that.....". ok good for you but i can assure you that was the intention the figure was made with, the target audience is adult men and it's strange to deny this. they even claimed that it was fine because "everyone who collects ram is sapphic anyway" i can assure you that is not true 😭😭 this is very much a case of being in your little online gay bubble and thinking the whole world is the same as you. the target audience of all (female) suggestive/nsfw figures is simply straight men. i'm not saying it's the only people who can own them, but it is who the companies have in mind when producing the figures and it is the largest part of the market. it reminds me a bit of when kpop stans think only gay 17 year olds stan their favourite girl group and then you watch a perfomance where the crowd cheering isn't filtered out and it's all 40 year old men. i'm not stoked about it either, but it is simply the truth.
ofcourse i've seen people reaching, it does happen on tiktok that people get overly sensitive/woke/whatever and blindly hate anyone who collects normal nsfw figures or anyone else who didn't do anything wrong. not every tiktok comment section is filled with the brightest minds of our generation (shocker, i know). i do however think it's a common thing, even with real life children, where people try to question something inappropriate and somehow get the blame. i saw this happen when mothers thought it was strange that target sells swimsuits for babies/toddlers with hip cut outs, and then people accusing said moms of being the weird ones for "thinking a children's swim suit is sexual". guys am i losing my mind. am i going crazy. the concerned mothers are not the problem here for pointing out a weird thing. why in god's name were the swim suits designed like that. can we get an ounce of critical thinking in the chat.
AND ANOTHER THING! sorry guys this is like 5 years of built up irritation you have to let me go for a moment. anyway LOOK at this same shit i saw yesterday. i will not share the video but it was a video of very young middle school girls wearing heavy (gyaru?) makeup, fashion, wigs and nails which was honestly already a bit baffling because it was so much on such young kids. they were all wearing that fashion trend where you wear low rise pants/skirt and then pull up your thong strings to the high heavens so they're on your hips and sticking out off your pants/skirt. not a trend i usually mind but these were very young girls and the whole look, the visible underwear especially, was very inappropriate for their age so people in the comments were uncomfortable. i took one single peak at the comments and had to leave for my own sanity. you guys cannot be serious.
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and let me get this very clear: i have also seen people sexualise children doing normal things many times. both extremes are a problem. i think it's fucking weird to sexualise a child giving their parents a kiss or telling a child they shouldn't wear their bathing suit around their male family members, etc. however it is ALSO fucking weird for children to do/wear things that were specifically made for adults doing adult things (like wearing visible lacy thongs when you're in middle school) and no adult stepping in for the child's own safety. both things are weird and i hope everyone dies. anyway what were you saying anon? ah right, no i don't like loli figures either. not a fan.
send me your unpopular figure opinions
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i don't mean to stir up more controversy so feel free to not post this ask, but like. yeah. i don't get it. is harry potter a shitty franchise filled to the brim with subtle bigotry and glorification of various nasty outlooks on humanity? kinda, in my opinion, yeah. is it written by, and profited off of by someone actively using their platform to cause harm to human rights? yeah. would i ever want to engage with the content or fandom? no not really. but does this mean that anyone who even breathes in the direction of Harry Potter content is condoning all this bullshit, or kissing the author's shoes and ideologies, and giving them money to harm the people they want to harm? uh.......... no, not really. what the fuck
like............ yeah. like you said it's a huge franchise. literally a silly little Tumblr poll that will realistically get under 10,000 votes, let alone notes or discussions, is not at all going to compare to the reach she already has. and it feels weird to twist the blame that way— this author is using their writing and manipulation skill to earn lots of money and do awful things with it... and suddenly it's the individual fans' fault that she has that money and reach? and not just the fans, but even people that don't actively go out of their way to excommunicate fans of the media?
sorry to rant in your inbox i just. im pretty sick of all this "inaction against a major celebrity is the same as condoning their abuse of power and influence" stuff that people throw around instead of criticizing why our social power structure is based on popularity and engagement in the first place (which is bound to put the most cultish, manipulative, influential, and charismatic people in power). idk it just feels really skeevy to blame people who enjoy or passively tolerate something that's expertly designed specifically to be appealing by a master manipulator.
you don't have to post this (though i also don't mind if you do) i just wanted to like. bring some of my takes into your inbox cause these anons sounding like they're accusing you of queer blasphemy or some shit over literally just.... letting someone hate their anti-blorbo/love their blorbo that they think everyone else hates.... are just really putting me off. like do they get that this is the "oil companies tell poor people global warming is their fault" argument all over again?
This has been sitting in my askbox for a long time because I wasn’t sure how to address it or whether to even address it or just delete it, as it feels like a topic that’s bigger than I am and I can’t ever properly address all of it. But all I’ll say is, while I agree that not all discussion of Harry Potter or other shitty medias is promotion and we as individuals shouldn’t be held accountable for the actions of a transphobic billionaire, it is still important to approach the subject with nuance and make sure the ways in which we talk about it do not spread harm. I think that’s why so many polls decide to ban it and other medias from their polls, because most of them are designed to find the “best” of something and to insinuate that something from one of those medias can be the best could be harmful. That’s why I’m not gonna post any asks that defend the series as a whole or the franchise as a property, because it’s not right to even humor those who want to downplay transphobia and antisemitism (among others). Aaaanyways all this to say if people discourse about Harry Potter characters in the notes or askbox go for it just remember the real people impacted by the bigotries present in it when considering the way you want to make your discussions
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matrose · 3 years ago
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Wait but I wanna hear the unpopular (but correct) opinions about LotR! (No worries if you genuinely don't want to share!)
hi anon!! 😙 thank you for asking 💐🌷💕☺️SADLY most of my opinions are just a response to some take i saw on my pinterest explore page that i personally didnt agree with… im gonna put it under the cut so if this ends up in any tag i wont spam anyone bc its not like different interpretations of characters/text do any harm etc etc its gonna be a long, incoherent rant, without any formatting since im on mobile, so, um watch out :,) also please dont reblog
i really really dislike what feels like majority of the interpretation of the legolas/gimli relationship, like the way people portray them is sooo weird…the constant mutual antagonizing and the focus on bickering!!!! its another movie adaptation thing, because those removed most, if not all tenderness from them (the miniscule gay budget got used up for sam & frodo i guess). the appeal of gimli and legolas is not that they bicker the appeal is that they love eachother so much despite the general tensions between their peoples (although im not a fan of those tensions being overplayed for dramatics) and despite erus prophecy that there would always be conflict between elves and dwarves!!!!!!!!!!
i dislike the common fanon/movie portrayal of gimli but i think ive actually talked enough about that so im gonna talk about legolas because i also disagree with the common interpretations his character seems to find, although it doesnt bother me as much as with gimli, mostly because people still think hes cool. ANYWAYS! i think painting legolas as super hair- and beauty-obsessed (to the point of it bordering on homophobia) was luckily mostly left in the past, though pinterest still bombards me with bad memes, but i still really hate it 😒 another common thing ive seen, thats also more current, is legolas as an idiot who eats bugs or whatever which IS more fun than the first one and also closer to his book-self but i still dislike it simply because i hate when a happy/optimistic character gets headcanoned as being stupid…its unappealing and boring and i dont think its implied anywhere that legolas is exceptionally dumb :( i do like weird kid legolas a lot though hes special to me <3.
anyways since were on the topic of legolas lets talk about his family since thats another fandom/HOBBIT MOVIES favorite to distort! legolas mother is very very likely a silvan elf and very likely not dead in my opinion . i personally think silvan elves are neutral/if not positively inclined towards dwarves 👍 dont like the common fanon of extreme hatred that was taught to legolas by his parents and also dont dont dont like fanon thranduil & everything the hobbit movies made him out to be!!!!!!! i dont doubt that thranduil had some ill will towards dwarves since the whole thingol slaying and doriath thing… but thranduil is canonically a very good king and very kind, and i dont think he would let a grudge against a specific dwarf clan define his relations to a neighbouring kingdom that doesnt even belong to the same clan!!! someone who kept his kingdom save and out of trouble for so long and also has the closest relations to their neighbouring kingdom of men out of all the elven realms would be better than that and atleast be neutral and not hostile sorry this wasnt meant to be about the hobbit movies but i could go ON a out them i cant see legolas in those without laughing at him dear god. the implication that legolas, who supposedly hated dwarves, shared a horse with gimli and then was a changed man is very funny though.
also, since im going off on a tangent anyways, i think mîm didnt do anything wrong and also thingol and the dwarven smiths were both at fault for the conflict. sorry for the dwarf bias but someone has to be on their side because i still see too many people hating on them
back to lotr: i think blond blue eyed legolas is boring, i hate what they did to elrond and boromir in the movies, i think saruman and sauron being basically brothers is a very funny interpretation that we should talk about more and i hateee almost all modern lotr aus because its hars to replicaze into modern world and also aragorn would NOT be a CEO!!!!!!!!!! a good king in tolkienverse is benevolent and puts his subjects first and he is a healer. (and this idolized king figure is, of course, not historically accurate) a CEO IS NOT THE MODERN EQUIVALENT TO THAT!!!!!!! modern aragorn either sells weed, is a nurse, or a mailman more i will not say on this matter. also i hate when modern aus cut everyones hair/beard. stop!!!!!! this reminds me of the one time i saw like a college au on pinterest and it was like. gimli and legolas are forced to be roommates and legolas is disgusted by gimli being sooo dirty… HELLO? you people exhaust me………… restraining myself to go on another gimli tirade because i feel like ive done that so much and all my followers will know whats up you guys get me right yeah yeah yeah
oh about legolas and gimli/mirkwood and erebor again, sorry im a one trick pony, i think that both thranduil & unnamed wife as well as gloin & unnamed wife love their kids too much to truly oppose them being together. gloin may be hotheaded but hes not stubborn enough to not ever back down, see the council of elrond: hes mad, rightfully so, to find out that a servant of mordor was apprentely treated better as a prisoner than thorin & company but seeing as the responsible party, thranduil, is not even there, and how theres very important business to discuss he quickly backs down and even bows to legolas as an apology!!!!
[„You were less tender to me,“ said Glóin with a flash of his eyes, as old memories were stirred of his imprisonment in the deep places of the Elven-king’s halls. „Now come!“ said Gandalf. „Pray, do not interrupt, my good Glóin. That was a regrettable misunderstanding, long set right. If all the grievances that stand between Elves and Dwarves are to be brought up here, we may as well abandon this Council.“ Glóin rose and bowed, and Legolas continued.]
i tried to find out if we know how long exactly the dwarves were imprisoned, and it seems it was about 20 days, while gollum was there for around 90 days, so perhaps they would have let the dwarves get some fresh hair eventually as well . not that gloin wasnt rightfully angry, he was! and still very gracious about it . love gloin hes great
also TRUE unpopular opinion incoming: im neutral on sam/frodo…its cute yes but i dont have any big thoughts about them and i think sam and rosie are very sweet :^) but also i dont trust people who completely dislike it esp cishets…. legolas and gimli are basically canon to me like they did that. okay ready for another TRUE AND REAL unpopular opinion. i think faramir is kind of boring and i dont care much for him, sorry ❤️‍🩹
ok i think im done for now!!! phew!! anon thank you again because this helped me pass like an hour of my very long train ride!!!! <3333
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4stars-uswnt · 5 years ago
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If I Hated You [Alex Morgan x Reader]
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requested by anon: Hey I love your works!! I was wondering if you could do a fic based on fletcher’s new song ‘if I hated you’ with Alex x reader, if possible with an eventual happy ending? If not I totally understand but thank you so much for all the fics you’ve shared and done for us.
requested by @eclipses77​: Hey I was wondering if you could write a fix based off Fletcher’s new song ‘If I Hated You’ with any person you want but with a happy ending if possible.
A/N: thank you to both of you who requested this! and to the anon: i’m so glad you enjoy my fics. i have a great time writing them for you guys. 
this isn’t really a song fic with lyrics and everything. it’s mainly just inspired Fletcher’s song, so i hope y’all still enjoy it anyways :) also i may have gotten a little carried away with it.
ps. thanks to @sauceysonny​ for talking through this prompt with me and letting me rant through my ideas
warnings: swearing
Listen to “If I Hated You” by Fletcher here
You throw the sheets off your body for what feels like the hundredth time that night. You had been tossing and turning, unable to sleep with the other side of the bed being so empty. You reach for your phone to check the time. 2:13 am. The photo on the lock screen makes your heartache. It was a photo of you and Alex that Kelley had captured in the locker room after the World Cup, your foreheads pressed together, oblivious to the rest of the world. Shutting your phone off, you turn over and stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out how you’d gotten here.
—————
“I can’t wait to see you this weekend.” You chirp, smiling at your girlfriend through your computer screen. There had been a week break in the NWSL season, so Alex had decided to visit you up in Seattle for a couple of days.
Alex gives you a sheepish look. Being able to read your girlfriend like a book, you feel yourself deflate with defeat.
“You’re not coming, are you?”
“Babe, I’m sorry. I have to go to LA for some meetings with the Olympics committee and with Angel City. I am so sorry.” Alex apologizes.
Her apologies felt useless at this point, as your girlfriend was always cancelling on you, putting you second. You look down at your hands, ignoring Alex’s gaze.
“(Y/N), I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I’ve been really busy lately.” She tries again, hoping to get a response out of you.
“You’re always busy, Al.” You mumble.
“I know, babe, and I’m sorry, but there’s not a lot I can do about it.” Alex defends.
You roll your eyes, annoyed at your girlfriend’s excuses. “Yes, Alex, there is something you can do about it. You can tell them that you already have plans. Or that you have to go visit your girlfriend, who you haven't seen in almost two months. Or that they can fucking wait because Angel City isn’t happening for another year and the Olympics aren’t for another eight fucking years.”
Alex sits on the other side of the screen stunned by your outburst. In your arguments, you were usually the calmer one, Alex being the one with the temper, but you just couldn’t hold it in any longer.
You sigh, tired of fighting with the other woman. “Al, maybe we should just take a break.”
“What?” Alex sits up at that, leaning closer to the screen.
“Look, I know we love each other and everything, but recently it just feels like our relationship is strained by the distance and all of our commitments.”
“You mean my commitments.” Alex countered.
“I didn’t say that, Alex. Stop putting words in my mouth. We are both to blame here. I just feel like we need some time to ourselves to figure out what we want from this relationship.”
Your heart aches, as the words leave your mouth, and as you see tears form in Alex’s eyes.
“Are you sure? Because I don’t wanna take a break.” She whispered.
“Al, I don’t wanna take a break either, but all we’ve been doing lately is arguing, and I just think we should take a little time to evaluate our own lives.” You feel tears pooling in your eyes.
“Okay, if that’s what you want, love.” Alex nods, wiping her face.
“I think it’s what we need.” You swallow the knot in your throat. “This isn’t the end, Al.”
“It better not be.” She lets out a watery chuckle, and you fondly smile.
“See you later, Ali-gator.”
Alex smiled at your nickname for her. The two of you vowed you would never actually say ‘goodbye’ to each other because you always knew you’d see each other again.
“See you in a while, crocodile.”
—————
That conversation was almost two weeks ago, and since then, you had been an absolute mess. Although you were used to being alone in Seattle, being on a break from your relationship made you feel even more lonely. In the past couple of weeks, you had barely left your apartment, only going out for training, games, and the necessary grocery shopping.
Your phone had been blowing up with text messages from your national team teammates, who were all concerned about you after hearing the news. Not bothering to give any of them any details, you responded to the group chat with an ‘I’m fine, you guys. Please respect me and Alex’s privacy.’ Alex soon replied, adding ‘What (Y/N) said. We love you guys, but we need to work through this ourselves.’ Both of your texts received many hearts and likes, following with ‘We’re here’ and ‘Love you guys’ from the women, and the texts stopped after that.
In Orlando, Alex hadn’t been faring any better. After returning from LA, she spent most of her time moping around her house in sweatpants and a hoodie she’d stolen from you. Ali, Ash, and Syd would all stop by or invite her over to cheer her up, but Alex was heartbroken without you.
—————
The next morning, after having gone to bed at around 3 am, you slip on a pair of shorts and one of Alex’s Cal hoodies and drag yourself to training.
As you walk into the locker room, Allie and Megan exchange a look of concern, noticing the bags under your eyes and your hood pulled over your head. Your two national team teammates had been worried about you for the past couple of months, even more so in the recent weeks when you and Alex had decided to take a break. They knew the distance was causing you stress, and now the separation was causing you heartbreak. But every time either woman tried to approach the subject, you shut them out, insisting you were okay, when you clearly were not.
Towards the end of practice, after another one of your passes goes awry, Farid calls you over.
“(Y/N), you doing okay?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. He had heard the whispers in the locker room, your teammates voicing their concerns, and he could tell something was bothering you, so much so it was disrupting your play.
“Yes, coach.”
Not wanting to push you, he hums. “Okay, then you better start playing like you’re doing okay.”
You nod, embarrassed by your own unprofessionalism. “Of course, coach, sorry.”    
He blows the whistle, ending practice, and you scurry back to the locker room.
Back in the locker room, as you’re taking off your cleats and packing up your bag, Allie slips into the seat next to you.
“(Y/N), you wanna come over later?” Allie places a hand on your knee. “We’re having a barbecue. Megan and Sue will also be there.”
You snort. “And be a fifth wheel? I’m good, Allie, but thanks for the invite.”
“(Y/N),” she starts again, “even though I’m Alex’s best friend doesn’t mean I don’t care about you either. Megan and I, and the whole team really, are here if you ever wanna talk.”
“Thanks, Allie.” You smile, as you stand up, swinging your backpack over your shoulder. “Maybe I’ll stop by for a little bit.”
“Awesome.”
—————
Later than evening, you made your way over to Allie and Bati’s place, ultimately deciding that being a fifth wheel was better than sitting at your apartment alone with another box of takeout.
You enter through the side gate, heading into the backyard, where Bati is barbecuing and Megan, Allie, and Sue are chatting around the table. Hearing you open the gate, Bati looks up from the grill.
“Hey! Look who made it!” He gives you a big grin, opening his arm up for a side hug, which you accept.
“Hey, Jose. Thanks for having me.” You softly smile.
“Of course, (Y/N).”
“Aye! (Y/N)! Get your butt over here!” Megan calls from across the yard, waving you over.
“The queen is calling, so I must go.” You joke, making your way over to the table.
“(Y/N/N), I’m glad you could make it.” Allie gives you a brief hug. “Do you want anything to drink?”
“Water would be great.” You thank her, before turning to Megan and Sue.
“Long time no see, Birdie. Good game the other day. You played, eh, okay.” You smirk at the basketball player, who just rolls her eyes.
“It’s good to see you too, (Y/N/N). Thanks. A triple double is okay. But I dunno if I could say the same about you. I hear you’re not playing like the superstar you are.” Sue teases, resulting in a slap from Megan, who gives her girlfriend a warning glare.
You ignore the pink-haired woman and the ache in your chest. “Just having a couple of bad practices. I’ll be tearing up the field in no time.” You boast flippantly.
Seeing past your confident facade, Megan narrows her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay, (Y/N)?”
“P, I’ve told you a million times. I’m fine.” You give her a tight smile, silently telling her you don’t want to talk about it.
Before Megan can ask you anymore questions, Allie and Bati approach the table with plates of food in their hands.
“Time to eat!” Allie cheers. “Oh, and, (Y/N), here’s your water.”
You mutter out a ‘thanks’, and take a large gulp, pushing down the knot forming in your throat.
—————
Dinner went smoothly the five of you discussing an array of topics, ranging from the upcoming NWSL and WNBA season to the election to the newest Italian restaurant that opened downtown.
By the time you all are finished eating, it’s dark out, leaving only the fairy lights to illuminate the yard. You go to clear your plate, but before you can stand up, Bati grabs it from you.
“Don’t worry, (Y/N/N). I got this.” He motions for you to sit back down, before reaching to collect the rest of the plates. “Why don’t I clean up and leave you ladies to chat?” Bati quickly pecks Allie’s cheek, before heading back inside.
Once it is just the four of you, Megan turns to you.
“(Y/N), seriously, how are you feeling?”
You internally groan. You should’ve known this was gonna turn into an intervention. Before you go to respond, the older forward continues.
“And don’t give me that ‘I’m fine. I’m good’ bullshit.” She raises her eyebrow, daring you to challenge her. “Because obviously you’re not fine, and you’re not good. For the past two weeks all you’ve been doing is moping around your apartment, wearing nothing but sweats. You’ve barely eaten an actual meal until today, nor gotten a good night’s sleep. And to top it all of you’ve been playing like crap!”
Sue hits Megan’s arm and scolds her. “Megan!”
The pink-haired woman faces to her girlfriend. “No! I’m not going to sugar coat it. (Y/N) needs to hear this, and she needs to talk about.” Megan turns back to you and softens. “(Y/N/N), you can’t keep bottling up all your feelings. We care about you, and we’re here to listen, so please talk to us.”
Both Allie and Sue nod along with Pinoe’s words.
“Honestly,” you take a deep breath, before starting, “I’m a mess. Like before, I was annoyed and angry that Al was making me a second priority, but now I’m just sad and heartbroken that she’s not here with me.” You finally confess to the other women, feeling like a weight has been lifted off your chest. “And, I mean, I didn’t want to take a break, but our relationship just felt strained. Like we weren’t communicating, and I think the distance was getting the best of us, especially with all of our commitments. I don’t know. Do you guys think I made the right decision?”
Not knowing what to say, the three woman look at each other, searching for answers. Finally, Sue speaks up.
“(Y/N), none of us can know if you made the right decision.” She reaches to squeeze your hand. “Only you and Alex can know what’s right for yourselves and your relationship.”
You nod in understanding. “I love her so much, and I wish we could just be together because all I want is to be by her side.” You whisper, your eyes getting misty. “Ugh, I just miss her so much.”
“I miss you, too.”
You whip your head around. There, in all her glory, stood Alex Morgan. She doesn’t look any better than you, your Reign sweatshirt hiding her muscular frame and dark circles forming under her eyes. Your lips part, as you’re completely speechless.
“You’re car wasn’t in your lot, so I assumed you were either here or at Pinoe’s. This was my first stop, and here you are.” Alex shifts uncomfortably in the silence, her usual confidence faded.
You turn back to face Allie, Megan, and Sue, your eyes narrowing. “Did you three know about this?”
“No!” They all exclaim, Megan holding up her hands in innocence. You continue to stare at Allie, not convinced she had no part in this.
“I swear, (Y/N), I had no idea about this.” She insists, as you relent your accusatory glare.
“(Y/N),” Alex comes up from behind you, “they had nothing to do with this, so please don’t be mad at them. I came here all on my own because I wanted to talk to you. I needed to see you.”
You nod. “Ok.”
“So, can we talk?” She sheepishly asks. “Alone, if that’s okay with you?” She adds, pleading her friends to leave you two to talk.
The three women take the cue and head back inside, leaving you alone with Alex, who sits in Pinoe’s seat across from you.
You sit in awkward silence for a few minutes, neither of you knowing where to start.
You decide to break the silence. “How’ve you been?”
She looks up from her fidgeting hands. “Uhh. Good. I’ve been good.”
You smirk, raising your eyebrow. “Al, c’mon, I know you like the back of my hand. How have you actually been?”
Alex sighs. “To be honest, I’ve been miserable.” She looks up, locking eyes with you. “I missed you, and I just wanted be with you, or even just hear your voice.”
You nod, knowing the feeling. “I missed you too, Al.”
“But you were right.” She confesses, as you tilt your head, confused. “We, or at least I, needed this break. It helped me realize what was important in my life, and that’s you, (Y/N). I can live without all those brand deals and sponsors, hell, I can even live without soccer, because none of that means anything if I can’t share it with you.”
By that point, both you openly had tears streaming down your faces.
“So, I promise to be better and to be more committed to our relationship. And I’m sorry that I ever put you as a second priority because you’re not. You’re my number one.” Alex concludes, wiping the tears from your cheeks.
You let out a small chuckle at her cheesiness. “Thank you for your apology.” You take her hand. “And I’m sorry that didn’t make enough of an effort either.” Before Alex can protest, you squeeze her hand. “Al, a relationship is between two people. This wasn’t just your fault, okay? We both played a part.” You assure, quelling her guilt.
“So can we end this break and be back together?” Alex whispers hesitantly.
Beaming, you pull her in for a searing kiss, your first in almost three months. Her soft lips melt against yours, and you could taste the sweetness of her vanilla chapstick mixed with the saltiness of her tears. Before you could deepen the kiss, you hear Allie call from inside.
“No sex in my yard please!”
You rest your head on Alex’s shoulder, as the two of you laugh at your friend’s antics. Your girlfriend caresses your cheek, guiding you to lock eyes with her pleading blue orbs.
“Do you forgive me?”  
You nod. “Yes, Al, I forgive you.”
“Good. I thought you hated me.” She mumbles.
“I could never hate you, even if I tried.”
Alex smiles, leaning in for another kiss, before you hold up your hand.
“But, Al, your words are nice and all, but I have to see it. You have to prove to me that you’re committed to this relationship, especially if it’s long distance. And I will work to do the same. Okay?”
“Of course, (Y/N/N).” She nods her head eagerly. “So, I’m guessing it’s okay if I stayed here with you in Seattle for the next week?”
Your eyes widen. “What?”
“They had to cancel training and matches for the next week because of some flooding issues at the facilities. So I’m all yours until next Sunday. That is, if you’ll have me.”
You jump off your seat and into Alex’s lap, pulling her in for another kiss. “Who am I to refuse such a pretty lady?” You tease, giving her nose a kiss.
“Alex and (Y/N) sitting in a tree…!” Allie sings, as her, Megan, and Sue approach the two of you.
“I take it you two made up?” Megan gestures to your position in Alex’s lap.
“Yes, we made up.” You grin, as your girlfriend kiss the top of your head.
“Good. I’m glad.” She returns a smile, and you mouth a ‘thank you’ to her.
“Me too.” Alex beams, turning to look at you. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” You bring her in for a sweet chaste kiss.
“Hey! What did I say about no sex in my yard!” Allie playfully scolds.
“It’s not my fault (Y/N) can’t keep her hands off me.” Alex smirks.
You gasp, jumping out of your girlfriend’s laugh. “Hey!”
“I’m only kidding, babe.” She rolls her eyes, pulling you back into her lap.
You cross your arms and pout. “I hate you.”
Alex chuckles, as she buries her face in your neck, giving you a kiss. “No you don’t.”
You smile, turning to the woman you love, and give her a quick peck. “You’re right. I don’t.”
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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago
Text
Stargazing
Ethan Winters x Mia Winters (Resident Evil Biohazard)
Warnings: Swearing
Genre: Romance, Fluff
Summary: A year after the events that took place at the Bakers’ residence and the three years of Mia being missing, the Winters spouses have finally been healed enough to start getting back into a regular lively rhythm, nevertheless haunted by the nightmare they lived through. 
Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Sorry you’ve had to wait so long for your request but here it finally is! They deserved so much better and I’ll never stop saying that! Sorry for the brief rant, still, hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤
Holding Ethan’s hand tightly, Mia follows his instructions to keep her gaze down at the ground and avoid looking up as much as possible. She’s been having a hard time containing the smile on her face, biting her bottom lip a lot to prevent it from showing. Same as she’s had a hard time keeping quiet with her guessing games of where Ethan’s taking her. The man’s unbreakable though, never once was he tempted to let her in on what he’s planned.
It’s been a year since the Baker incident and all the couple has done is switch from one coping mechanism to another. They got stuck in a sort of therapy-work-therapy cycle where they threw themselves in their work and periodically went to their psychiatric appointments, never daring to nudge the topic at home amongst themselves. It was enough that the whole night has remained as a dark cloud hanging over their heads, addressing it has simply been to painful so they’ve steered clear of the topic the best they could.
However, an important thing to note about this coping cycle they created is that it drove all the other mechanics in their lives and their relationship to become routinely and mechanic as well. There was little to no feeling in all they did - not that they ever did much together except have dinner and sometimes breakfast, both of them fully indulged in their work the rest of the day. Work became their therapy eventually, leaving little time for one another and for fixing what’s been broken between them. This conclusion bothered them both to no end but neither wanted to address it out of fear of disturbing the other.
Luckily, Ethan didn’t feel the need to bring it up before taking action.
“Here we are!“ He announces eventually, causing Mia to snap her head upwards without a second to spare, curious eyes doing the best they can to take in the dark surroundings. 
Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t have any problem with the dark. What happened back in Louisiana didn’t give her a phobia of the dark or of ships as her therapist initially thought she’d develop. However, she’s got a huge fear of bugs and insects now - especially mosquitos. Count on her husband carrying anti bug spray wherever they go - now is no exception.
As her eyes slowly adjust to the darkness of their surroundings, it doesn’t take her a while to realize they’re in an open yet secluded field. She’s not the slightest bit surprised by where he’s taken her, in fact, she recognizes it immediately. It’s the spot of their first official date.
“Who knew going to that dorm party would be the best thing I’d do in my life.“ He mumbles under his breath, admiring the sparkles in her eyes as she takes in the beautiful field bit by bit, letting the reel of memories play back, taking her all the way back to that first year of college, that fateful night when they met, followed by the night they came to this field.
“Who knew overcoming my fear of heights at an early age would’ve helped me find the man I’d eventually marry.“ She replies, turning to look at him, their gazes locking in place, both of them no reminiscing on those events they hadn’t recalled in a very long time.
2006
The humidity doesn’t suggest that the summer months have already ended. In fact, the air is still as unbreathable as it was in July and August, making the students who have to return to their studies super conflicted, longing for those beach days with little to no responsibilities. Given that no one is ready for the school year to start, the professors included, the first few weeks of college have been rather stress-free for Ethan. Well, that is if you don’t include the agony of moving into college as a freshman from an entirely different state.
Why he chose to go to college in Texas is a question he still doesn’t have a proper answer to. It was an impulsive, basically overnight decision, one that rattled his parents to no end when he announced it. However, having his own income and savings for college purposes, they couldn’t really do much in stopping him but they didn’t support him either. They kept trying to change his mind until the very last day but alas he stood his ground and now here he is, in his college dorm, trying to read a book while there’s a raging party going on just two floors above. The music is so loud though that is sounds more like it’s taking place in his closet instead. 
His roommate went up to help set the party up, only putting mild effort into getting his Cali-boy roommate to tag along and join the shenanigans which Ethan appreciated. Parties have never really been his scene so he knew he would’ve kept refusing no matter how much he tried getting him up there.
Finding the read hopeless due to the distractions, Ethan ditches the book and lays back on his bed staring at the ceiling, feeling like a fish out of water, ready to suffocate any minute. The AC in the dorm is faulty so it’s not serving its purpose properly, leaving the air at the same temperature as it would be had the device not been turned on at all. He’s stranded on things to do, feeling awfully caged in this new environment without any proper entertainment, going even as far as to second-guess if his parents were maybe right all along.
Fortunately for him, just then, his roommate bursts in, humming along to the song that’s currently being played at the party, never missing a tune even in his clearly intoxicated state.
“Hey Winters, aren’t you Californians supposed to know of a good time? You’re disappointing me right now.“ Jared slurs, laughing a bit as he leans against the wall to keep himself to his feet.
Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Thought I’d be a party animal? Sorry for the letdown.”
Jared laughs, shaking his head, “Come on, Cali. You have two semesters to be sulking around, it’s too early to start. Listen, one beer and thirty minutes, that’s all I’m asking you for. If you like it you can stick around. If not, feel free to leave. Just please give it a shot. How else are you supposed to make friends?”
Ethan stops to contemplate for a second, weighing his options. Jared takes this as a hopeful sign, seeing as how his offer wasn’t immediately turned down as it was the first time. Finally, the blond sighs in defeat: “Ok, but thirty minutes only.“ He says as he slides off the bed, briefly looking at himself in the mirror and deeming his appearance decent enough for a dorm party. As a very new student, he’d like to make a good first impression on his classmates but given that they’re all probably wasted, he’s not stressing too much over his looks at the moment.
Following Jared up to the floor of the party, he’s immediately handed a beer which he accepts with little hesitation. His roommate goes around introducing him to a few people before he disappears with some girl he claims has been his on-again-off-again girlfriend since sophomore year of high school - Sarah. Ethan, of course, doesn’t stop him despite hating the ide of finding himself stuck alone in a crowd of people he’s seeing for the first time in his life. Still, he sticks to the deal: thirty minutes and a beer...ok, two beers, but they’ve done nothing to make him enjoy this party.
So, off he goes to search for Jared to tell him he’s leaving. Thinking he saw the dark haired girl he went off with going up the stairs to the roof, he quickly follows.
Little does he know, that’s not the dark haired girl he’s looking for. That’s Mia
Mia, the rowdy, outgoing Texas tomboy who, unlike Ethan, thoroughly enjoys going to parties and having a good time with her friends and a few drinks. However, even a party animal such as herself sometimes needs to take a breather especially when people are smoking cigarettes as though they’re inhaling air and she’s never tried a cigarette in her life and is actually quite against the idea. She found this rooftop to be her prefect hideaway whenever she felt like her surroundings would suffocate her. Students were strictly instructed that climbing up there would earn them a penalty but that didn’t bother her in the slightest - She’s been frequenting the roof already and it’s been barely a week of her fresh start in college. Luckily, she got over her fear of heights at the tender age of twelve so this journey to quite a high point doesn’t pose as much stress as it would’ve about a decade ago.
As she lies on the floor, looking up at the starry night sky above, she nearly jumps out of her skin when another voice calls out to her presumably though it’s not using the correct name.
“Hey, um, S-Sarah? Have you seen Jared?“ 
Mia turns her head as she sits up, one eyebrow raised as she takes a good look at the silhouette which this voice belongs to. It’s pretty dark so even if she knew him, she wouldn’t be able to recognize him but judging by the voice, this is not someone she’s familiar with. And judging by the accent, this guy is not from around here.
“I’m not Sarah, but if you’re looking for Jared Letterwood, I can guarantee he’s in Sarah’s dorm.“ Mia chuckles, “I’d know. Sarah’s my roommate.“
Ethan cringes at the thought, “Yikes, you’ve got it rough. I mean, Jared’s my roommate but so far I haven’t had to leave the dorm for him to...you know. Hope I never have to.” Suddenly, an idea strikes him, “Wait, where are you gonna sleep tonight?”
She laughs, lying back down with her arms folded behind her head, “Right here.” She drags out the words as she adjusts her position a little, eyes fluttering closed. “Stargazing helps me fall asleep. The whole ambience up here is just...perfect, you know. Jared and Sarah are really doing me a favor.”
Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Call me crazy, but I’ve never stargazed in my life. I don’t know, never really saw the whole appeal. Sure, it’s cool to see in a movie or whatever, but it’s got no real purpose in real life. Not that I’m trying to bash your hobby or anything...”
Before the clueless blond could finish his statement, Mia’s already snapped up in a sitting position, giving him a narrow-eyed glare he can’t really see in the darkness. Her hand taps the spot next to her, “Don’t knock until you try it, Cali boy. Come’ere, see what you’re missing out on.”
Though reluctant, Ethan takes a few steps forward, stopping for a second to ask: “Wait, how’d you know I’m Californian?” Regardless of his confusion, he sits his ass down as he was told, awkwardly laying down so that there’s half a foot or less between their bodies so he doesn’t accidentally touch her and run the risk of freaking her out.
“I know a lot of things, Cali. Unfortunately, your name isn’t one of them. That being said, either you tell me it, or I’ll have to keep calling you Cali.“ She says teasingly.
“Ethan. My name’s Ethan.“ He says through a sigh, unable to contain the smile that spreads across his face.
A smile mimicking his appears on her face as well, “Nice to meet you, Ethan. The name’s Mia.“
Needless to say, the following morning Ethan woke up still on the roof, and surprisingly and terrifyingly enough, with the girl he barely met the night prior in his arms. Under the light of the newly rising day he could examine her features better, taking in her absolute beauty, her pale features contrasting her dark as the night hair. She’s still asleep so he can’t see her eyes but he has no doubt they are as beautiful as she is. Everything about her looks so delicate yet sharp simultaneously. And he’s simply in awe.
To avoid any awkwardness in case she wakes up, he falls back asleep, not even trying to remove his arms from around her body, silently hoping she won’t kick his ass for it. The next time he wakes up, an undecided amount of time later, he’s alone on the rooftop. Alone with a note that says: ‘Did you like it? If yes, I got a better stargazing spot to show ya. You know where to find me 
 ~ M‘
“And boy, was I missing out on something.“ Ethan whispers, gently running his fingers through his wife’s hair as they lay in that same field she was referring to in her note to him, gazing up at the stars, limbs intertwined, bodies completely collided.
“Told ya. Stargazing is incredible, ain’t it?“ Mia replies, snuggling closer though that’s simply impossible.
Her husband chuckles, his chest rumbling with the noise, “That’s not really what I meant.”
Her brows furrow but she doesn’t look at him, “Oh? Then what did you mean?”
With a content sigh, he replies, “I was missing out on having you in my arms, falling asleep and waking up by your side.“ He says, his lips planting a gentle kiss at the top of her head that has her melting in his embrace.
Mia’s not the romantic nor cheesy half of this relationship, quite the opposite, but she feels emotions to a way deeper level than Ethan would imagine her feeling. So, thankful to the darkness, Mia allows her eyes to gloss over with emotional tears as she rises up to collide her lips with his in a soft and tender kiss. 
“I missed you so much, Mia.“ Ethan whispers when they pull away, foreheads resting against each other.
“I promise to never make you miss me again, baby.“ She replies in a tone as hushed as his. As though they are both afraid someone would overhear this vow of theirs and try to force them to break it.
“That’s impossible.“ He says with a soft chuckle, “I always miss you at least a little.“
Mia hums in response, “Well, right now, you don’t have to miss me at all. I’m all yours. You’re the only thing on my mind, Mr. Winters.“
Even in the dark, she sees the grin that lights up his face, “As you are the only thing on mine, Mrs. Winters.” With that, their lips reestablish their contact, this time maintaining it longer, making it more passionate than before.
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kurtanaaa · 4 years ago
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Hi I love your chatfics please could you give me a list of the new directions’ private stories and who can see them?
YES I CAN AND I CAN ALSO GIVE YOU A KISS ANON I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS
okay this is going under a cut bc i am going to talk A LOT!!!! oh i am so excited jfjdjfjksls
so i’ve made a list of what i thought their private story names were before but that was before i really started writing chatfics regularly so this is a great chance to do it again!!!! lets get into it!! this isn’t gonna include the newbies bc i’m setting this before s4 :/// sorry yall
Brittany: my private story -miss girl doesn’t really like private stories with weird names. they confuse her :/ how is she supposed to know what it is if it’s named something weird like 99.9 virgin radio? that’s just a radio station babe! -everyone in new directions is on her story, along with lord tubbington (she made him a snapchat account), a bunch of vocal adrenaline kids she made friends with by accident, some of the haverbrook kids, a couple warblers (trent. she likes him a lot), and most of the cheerios! lauren zizes and matt are also on it!!! -she has banned all football players except the glee guys from her private story. they don’t get her fun times.
Santana: real lesbian girl shit -she’s a megan thee stallion fan and also gay. not much else to it!!! -again, all the new directions are on it, except occasionally she removes finn just to test his patience. she also has lord tubbington bc she loves her girlfriend. all of the cheerios are on her story and she uses it to make announcements to them sometimes (every time a cheerio leaves the squad she boots them from her story). she does NOT have lauren zizes (still salty over the hallway fight) but she does have matt!!! that’s pretty much it tho she doesn’t like to be too public with her crap
Mercedes: TOTS -bitch loves her tots and she made the story when she and kurt were bitching at each other about them. she won’t change it ever. -EVERYBODY is on cedes' private story bc everyone loves cedes. she’s got lauren, matt, most of the warblers that she met through kurt and blaine, a bunch of haverbrook kids, a good chunk of mckinley that she’s met through classes and such, sunshine corazon, even a couple girls from that all girls acapella group at season two nationals. unique is on her story too!!! she keeps up with everyone!!! -she has ALSO banned most of the football players. it is a point of soreness for the majority of them that they don’t get the privilege of being on her story.
Kurt: i diagnose you with gay -he saw a meme that said this once and laughed his ass off so he had to use it -kurt has a surprising amount of people on his story. he’s got all the warblers who were at dalton when he was, he’s got all the new directions plus lauren and matt, all of the cheerios who were on the squad when he was, a bunch of haverbrook kids, sunshine, a few mckinley students he made friends with, unique for SURE, and even some of the nicer football players. he also has karofsky on his story (bc hes too nice for his own good), sebastian smythe (so he can post pictures of him and blaine and make him jealous) and jesse st. james (so he can bully him directly). for some reason coach sylvester is also on his private story. no one except kurt and sue know why and they’re not revealing their plans to anyone. it is terrifying.
Sam: The Blackbird -he named it after the plane the x-men fly bc he is a Geek Bitch. -anyway sam is ALWAYS posting to his private story. every day there's five new videos of various hudmel shenanigans. he likes to record things just in case he has to leave again and he needs memories of his friends. -since he’s a sweetheart and doesn’t like people to feel left out, he’s got a fair amount of people on his private story. obviously the new directions and lauren (and matt! he met matt through mike and they hit it off), and some students from his old schools. he’s got some warblers, a chunk of the football team, some mckinley students, and lord tubbington. it’s a good time!
Puck: VIP ZONE -this idiot just likes everybody on his private story to know that they are SPECIAL and APPRECIATED if they’re there -he posts the most wack shit on his story bc he’s always getting up to something stupid so he keeps the amount of people on his private story low so he doesn’t get ratted out -so pretty much only the new directions are on it, plus matt and lauren and a couple of the more tolerable football guys. he has jake on his story too!!! (in my glee cinematic universe they met earlier and they’re bros) he also has jeff the warbler on his story for reasons known to no one, not even jeff and puck.
Rachel: 🌟Rachel Berry Exclusive🌟 -do i even need to explain this one. -rachel does NOT understand the concept of a private story. pretty much everybody who has her on snap is on her private story at this point. she does not give a shit she wants everyone to know what she’s up to all the time. this means that practically everyone she’s ever met is on there
Finn: cooler than puck's -this man is always competing against puck a lil i know it. puck thinks its hilarious. -not a lot of people on finn’s story! he’s got the usual suspects plus some football guys, and david warbler and wes warbler. they hang out sometimes!!! he thinks they’re fun dudes. he also has jake on his story bc he’s met him a couple times through puck and he seemed chill. also jesse st. james so finn can make him jealous bc he’s a little shit
Blaine: Sometimes Turnt -his story posts are usually very basic but when this man gets drunk he goes off the RAILS on his story it’s crazy -blaine’s another one whos got pretty much everyone he knows on his private story. all the usual suspects and all the warblers are on there. he doesn’t have jesse, lauren, or matt, but that’s bc he just. doesn’t know them. he’s got a couple people that he made friends with at mckinley on there too!! -cooper is NOT allowed on his private story. he is explicitly banned.
Tina: former goth bitches anonymous -’nuff said. -tina has the BEST stories. everyone wants to be on her private story - except for when she’s having a breakdown and keeps posting screenshots of sad songs on spotify. but the thing is she keeps her private story on LOCKDOWN. she’s got her new directions and lauren and matt, she’s got a couple haverbrook kids, some warblers, a goth guy she met at a hot topic, and sunshine!!! but NO ONE ELSE. everyone else is PROHIBITED. NO FUCKING ENTRY!
Mike: The Fuck -mike didn’t know what to name it :/ so he decided to name it after what he’s thinking every time he posts a video of his friends doing something stupid -everyone loves mike. everyone is on his story. thee whole mf gang. the new directions, lauren, matt, jesse, sunshine, the whole football team, all the cheerios, haverbrook kids, warblers, vocal adrenaline dancers, the works. he doesn’t know how they all wound up there considering he hardly ever posts, but he just keeps making friends with people and they’re like "hey you’re very sexy and hot. want to be on my private story" and of course he has to return the favour!!!
Artie: Artie's Priv -short and simple! -everything he posts is edited RIDICULOUSLY. like with stickers and filters and video edits, the works. everything. -he doesn’t have a lot of people on his private story mostly because he usually uses his public one, so he just doesn’t think to add people to his private story. but he’s got the new directions, he’s got lauren and matt, he’s got a few other mckinley students, and... that’s pretty much it. he just doesn’t think about it!
Quinn: Don't let my Catholic guilt see this -this one. i haven’t gotten to use it in a fic yet. but i will. its also fairly self explanatory -quinn is another gal who keeps this shit shut DOWN. almost nobody gets in bc a lot of her stories are just her RANTING about feminism or her life or SOMETHING that's pissing her off that she needs to vent about -she’s got the new directions, she’s got lauren and matt, she’s got some cheerios, and that is IT. nobody else gets to see this shit.
THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUN TO WRITE OUT OH MY GOD I AM SO PLEASED!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS I HAVE NOT FELT THIS MUCH EUPHORIA IN A LONG TIME!!!!!
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angeloncewas · 4 years ago
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dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?
so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys
(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)
sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!
—🦷
Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)
Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).
Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.
(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)
"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"
I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.
But he didn't.
Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.
(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)
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xandertheundead · 6 years ago
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Okay but CONSIDER!!!!!! Comedian!Eddie
OKAY ANON! YOU GOT ME GOOD WITH THIS ONE CAUSE I LOVE THE IDEA! This one really got long so umm…yeah sorry! lol
Eddie watched as that familiar tall gangly form made its way onto the dimly lit center of the stage, roars of applause sounding when the lights came up. There he was, in his loud Hawaiian shirt and black jeans that were a hair too tight and those gross ratty converse he always wore on stage.
Richard ‘just call me Richie’ Tozier.
He watched as Richie did his opening joke, that large cheese-ball grin on his face when the crowd roared with laughter at the line about being in New York and their horseback police who have brought Amish crime down so well.
He had met Tozier eight years back, on one of Eddie’s tours when he was in L.A, he had just finished his show ‘Short Person Complex: Fuck you!’ and was signing autographs and ticket stubs when a giant walked up to him. Eddie remembered his first thought had been ‘holy shit those glasses are thick’ and then ‘this man has a terrifyingly large mouth’ when the giant smiled at him widely.
“Holy shit. Ed Kasp.” The giant gushed, people beside him just barely restraining themselves from trying to push this guy out of the way because he was taking too long. “You are seriously one of my favorite comedians ever.”
“Thank you.” Eddie had smiled, looking around to see if the man wanted anything signed. “Did you want something signed?”
Eddie had made it sound polite, not wanting to brush off a fan but people were getting agitated with this guy. But the man just continued on like Eddie hadn’t asked him anything and that people weren’t starting to grumble.
“I mean, normally the ranting comedy isn’t my thing, but you really know how to make your anger into something that is just so amazing and funny.”
Eddie nodded slowly, trying so hard to cue to this guy with his eyes that it was time to move along if he didn’t want anything signed. “Thank you, now I think-“
“God and you’re just so damn hot.”
The tall man had been pushed along by the crowd and Eddie went back to pictures, autographs and shaking hands, but the image of those thick glasses with that smile stuck in his head. The words the man said made a small smile come to his face because normally people were too scared to approach Eddie because in his shows he was always ranting and raving so they thought that he was always like that. Either that or they wanted something from him and put up with him for it. It felt good to know that someone out there thought he was good looking even when he was stomping around on stage like a rabid lemur monkey and didn’t ask for anything. It was a nice memory to keep, Eddie’s tour ended and life moved on.
Until a year later when his manager introduced him to his newest tour’s opening act.
Eddie could have sworn the giant grew since the last time he had seen him, dressed in ratty jeans and a bright orange T-shirt with a twerking cow on it that read ‘My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard’. That wide mouth grinned, perfect teeth with the silver of a retainer across the top row, and suddenly they were shaking hands.
“Eddie, meet Richie Tozier.”
He hated the man.
Richie Tozier was rude, loud, crass and obnoxious, he left his dirty clothes all over the tour bus and several times Eddie’s not so fake anger came out. They fought constantly, where to eat, the mess, music, how many pills Eddie took, etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera. 
Luckily they were on their last show in Chicago and thank God because Eddie’s jaw hurt from all the teeth grinding he’d been doing everytime Richie opened that fucking mouth. Eddie waved to the crowd as he walked off stage, the heavy velvet curtains of the Chicago Theater coming down to muffle the sound of applause as he wiped at his face with his handkerchief.
“Jesus the lights were warm.” Eddie muttered as he loosened the tie around his neck and pushed into his dressing room and stopped dead when he noticed someone else was in his room. “What the fuck?”
There stood Richie, dripping wet and in nothing but a towel, looking at Eddie in shock like he wasn’t the one being caught naked in someone else’s dressing room. “Eddie…did you end early? I thought I had a little more time.”
Eddie sputtered for a minute, rage and shock making his thoughts run a million miles faster than his mouth and it didn’t help that Richie’s stupid ass wide shoulders and chest were right on display. It must have been obvious he was on the verge of exploding because then Richie held up his hands in a defensive motion, his blue eyes cleared without those thick glasses on.
“Look, I’m sorry.” Richie started slowly, backing up a little and Eddie noticed the towel start to slip. Why the fuck were bony ass hipbones attractive to him right now? “I needed to shower after the opening and your dressing room was the only one who had one.”
“You should have gone back to the hotel then!” Eddie frowned at the guilty look that crossed Richie’s face. Good! This guy, acting like everyone else’s stuff was his own, it drove Eddie insane.
“Yeah,” Richie started slowly, looking down at the floor. “But then I would have missed your whole show. This way I only missed the last fifteen minutes.”
Eddie blinked. “What? Why would you-? You’ve seen it twelve times already.”
Richie blinked, turning to look up at Eddie again with a confused look that probably matched Eddie’s own. “So?”
“So? So why does it matter to see this one?”
Richie’s gaze quickly moved to the side, avoiding eye contact as his cheeks started to grow an alarming shade of red. “Jesus, you’re dumb.”
Anger spiked again. “Excuse me?”
Richie gave a halfhearted shrug and rolled his eyes, but even though his actions were flippant Eddie could see fear in his eyes. “If you can’t tell that I’ve been in love with you for years then I’m sorry. You’re a certified idiot.”
The knock at his intelligence flew right over his head because the love confession by the almost naked man in front of him consumed his mind. Love? Richie loved him? How? All they did was fight and bicker. Was this a joke? One of Richie Toziers dumb ass jokes that he thought would be hilarious?
“Is this a joke?” Eddie asked, his breath hitching a little as an embarrassed panic settled over him, the idea of his sexuality being the butt of a joke again causing his back and palms start to sweat. “Cause it’s not fucking funny in the slightest.”
“Wha-? No! Why would I joke about that?”
Eddie threw up his hands because he didn’t really have an answer to that. Richie was very vocal about his bisexuality, the confidence something Eddie didn’t have about his own sexuality until he was at least twenty-four. 
“People have before!” It was the best he could come up with and he had to look away from the sadness he saw in the other’s eyes because he couldn’t handle that right now. “People can be awful and two faced and we’ve done nothing but get under each other’s skin so excuse me if I’m a little surprised.”
It was quiet, the only sound being Eddie’s heavy breathing, his head starting to feel light with how many emotions he was trying to keep inside. When Richie spoke again Eddie’s attention snapped to him, Richie’s wet hair starting to curl now that it was starting to dry and Eddie had an insane thought of pulling on one of the ringlets.
“It’s not a joke.” Richie started slowly. “And damn I wish I had my glasses cause right now you’re just  a faceless blob, but I’m not joking. I just-you fought me first.”
Eddie blinked. The nerve of this fucking dipshit. “Are you serious?”
“You yelled at me because of my clothes.”
Eddie was about to explode, with what emotion he wasn’t sure which was strange. “They were all over the bus!”
Richie had the decency to look slightly ashamed. “Yeah, well-“
“Yeah, well-“ Eddie mimicked, pitching his voice lowers like Richie’s but adding more of an idiot tone. He frowned crossing his arms as he stared at the man, daring Richie to try to excuse how much of a mess he was. The tension was thick and honestly Eddie was glad this was the last show because if this went south, which it probably was going to, then he wouldn’t ever have to see Richie Tozier again.
Then Richie’s towel slipped completely.
Both of them stood there deathly silent, Eddie trying his best not to glance down while Richie made a face as if accepting that this was how he was probably going to be murdered. Eddie cracked first,it started out as a choked wheeze, his body barely able to contain the full on belly laugh that came after it and Eddie bent over and gasped for breath as he continued to laugh so hard tears came to his eyes.
“Yeah.” Richie muttered. “I confess to a guy, show him my dick and he laughs. That’s about right.”
Eddie started laughing harder and he was honestly about to choke on his own spit if Richie said anything else. Soon Richie started to laugh as well, not even bothering to pick the towel back up as he grabbed his pants and started hopping into them rather ungracefully. 
“You look like a literal noodle man.” Eddie whispered, his voice shot from laughing so hard. “Oh my god! How are you all limbs?”
“I’m real good at reaching for things up high. That’s my like top talent there. Number one on my dating profile.”
Laughter bubbled up from Eddie’s throat again and he had to go sit down on the couch because his abs hurt. “You’re ridiculous.”
The smile that Richie gave him made his heartbeat speed up a bit as he smiled back.
That had been five years ago, four dating anniversaries ago, moving into two new apartments and one house near the beach in San Diego ago and now Eddie sat in the crowd and watched his boyfriend act. It had been the twenty-seventh time he’d heard it, they both used each other as sounding boards for their newest material, and Eddie thought it was one of Richie’s best.
But it threw him when near the end, Richie segwayed into a completely different topic than he was supposed to.
“So did you hear about Ben Hanscome and Beverly Marsh finally tying the knot?” The crowd whooped loudly and Richie chuckled. “Man, it was great. Yeah, you heard right. I was there. I got invited because I’m special.”
The crowd laughed at the bratty cheerleader voice he’d used at the word special and Eddie watched in confusion as Richie laughed at himself and shook his head. 
“But man it was great. They were so into each other that anyone would look at it and be like ‘Damn I want that.’ Ya know, along with the million dollars they have, their banging bods and that awesome leg garter Ben was wearing all night.” More laughs and Eddie was starting to get nervous about what this was. Richie now a days only improvised when something had gone wrong with his act, but he had pulled off almost the whole thing without a hitch so Eddie didn’t know what was happening. “It made me think about if I want that. Like, get to see my little Napoleon dressed in his finest.”
Oh.
Oh shit.
“So, I think I’m going to try and make it a thing.” The world went silent as Richie pulled something from his pocket and moved to kneel down on his knee. “Spaghetti, what do you say? Wanna try matrimony with me?”
Richie was looking right at him, the whole crowd was looking for him and Eddie had no idea how to react. So, he did the only thing he knew to do, he stood up and cupped his hands around his mouth so the whole theater could hear him.
“You’re a fucking idiot!” He yelled loudly. “During a show? Really?”
The crowd starting muttering in worry, but Richie kept that dumb beautiful smile on his face and Eddie grinned.
“But yes! Obviously I’ll marry you, dick head!”
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buy-me-a-color-tv · 4 years ago
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hello ✨
i‘m very sorry that i haven‘t replied in quite a while but i‘ve had a lot on my mind lately. i just broke up with boyfriend after being with him for nearly for years and i was so so convinced he was the one. spoiler alert: apparently he wasn‘t and it‘s been so hard to admit this to myself that i‘m no longer happy in the relationship and that i don‘t love him in a romantic way anymore. and i just need to get this out now because i don‘t really want to share this with anyone in my life right now so under the disguise of the anon i will share it with you. it hurts a little to think that i spent the last four years of my life with someone and with just five words it‘s over. it doesn’t hurt that it‘s over, in all honesty i‘m really glad it is but the fact that it was so easy to let go in the end hurts. it hasn‘t been a good relationship in a while and i felt like he wasn’t making an effort to change things and tbh he was never really that affectionate in the beginning but that‘s a whole other story. i just grew so tired of fighting for him and especially of thinking for him because he never remembers dates and he never does any household chores without reminding and i was just so so tired. he is not my responsibility but he made himself so dependable on me that he made himself my responsibility and i‘m so relieved that that is over.
i think i ranted enough for now. anyway i‘m really glad your dinner went well and that you got to spend quality time with your friend!! sounds awesome ♥️
i already know i passed two of my exams so that‘s a big step to bachelor’s thesis and against everything i told you the last times i will try to speed my bachelor’s degree up a bit because i just want to start something new rn.
crossing my fingers for you tho!! i really hope you find a professor to oversee your thesis and that you get to write about the topic you want to and that you enjoy!
i also hope that your little surgery helped defeat your infection and that you‘re alright now!! lip infections are a nasty business
in all honesty? please just throw all your thoughts into the answer to that ask because that‘s what i‘m doing as well right now and it currently helps me cope and if it helps you too, please just tell me everything you need to talk about.
i can only hope my older self will look back at that week and say that yes i did the right thing and yes it worked out in the end because right now i don’t feel like it but then again... if he was the one i wouldn’t have had all these doubts so yeah. we‘ll see what the future brings.
for now i wish you a very happy race day - personally i was rooting for a sewis podium but that’s way out of reach now lmao - and hope you enjoy your day even if i dragged the mood down a bit
chocolate to you (and me too bc i really need it rn) 🍫🍫🍫
much love
your favorite anon 🍫😉
Hey you lovely person 🤍,
Easy stuff first for now 💫
I did find a professor who wants to work with me on my thesis! I'm so relieved because my biggest fear was not being able to finish before the next semester starts and now I feel like I made at least some progress. It's a lot of research right now but I'm happy I'm getting somewhere.
The lip is all good for now as well. Stitches are out and it's healing - check up is in 2 weeks and then I'm gonna know more.
Yeah a Sewis podium would be a dream for this season - I mean I had hopes for Seb but after that race they got a bit crushed again. I can only hope he's making progress in every race and then we're getting there. Super happy for Lewis win tho - as always! 😍
As for the heavy stuff: I wish you all the strength you need right now. Break ups are never easy, it doesn't matter under what conditions they happen. And you are right your partner is not your responsibility - they should share the chores and housework with you. It's all about compromises - always. And I understand that you got tired of always being the one who had to remember and who had to think for two people basically. Nevertheless letting go of someone, especially after such a long time, and 4 years are quite some time, that hurts. So please take all the time you need to work through that and if you need to take time of tumblr I completely understand. Your valid, your time to process your decision is valid 💫
Bu I dare say that since you've said you're feeling relieved that he's not your responsibility anymore, it seems to me that you made the right choice. I wish you a good support system with chosen family and friends who can take your mind off things a bit as well.
Super happy you passed two exams!! And if that helps you to finish sooner then even better, you've got this ❤️ I'm sure you're gonna pass the other ones as well!
I hope this week treated you kindly and that you could enjoy some of it 💫 all the good thoughts, positive vibes and chocolate I can think go to you ❤️
All my love and as always, thank you so much for stopping by 🤍
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dontgotothenetherworld · 5 years ago
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I loved your latest Nick fic! I had this idea from Perfect that some of the lyrics fit him and the reader as his best friend while they’re crushing but scared to admit it. Like “sometimes is never quite enough” because he always wants to see her and “how long before you screw it up? and how many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?” because he feels like he always screws up a chance to tell her how he feels but he keeps trying until he gets it right. If the idea is too specific that’s fine!
perfect
honestly, anon, you should be the one writing this, this is a really good idea. but i’ve already written it so..
i used four lyrics from the song! they’re from the beginning part, because they seemed like the only ones that could possibly be fit into a romantic context! i tried my best to make them direct quotes, but some have added words because the perspective of this song is kind of weird
1898 words
cw: femreader.
nick stared at his phone screen. it went black, from inactivity.
he turned it back on, to see your text. it was simple, just a few hearts.
but nick couldn’t handle it. his brain flashed memories from the past few months with you. everytime he had tried to ask you out, to be more precise. tried and failed.
he had tried so many times to work up the courage. he tried so many times to just say the right words. but now he was running out of time.
it was your senior year. nick had gotten into harvard, and you had gotten into ucla. you were leaving each other. and these months were the last chance he would get to finally just say the words. the three little words.
and, hey! there were no consequences, right? earlier, nick was terrified that he would screw up your friendship, but you were moving away. and people stop being friends when they move away. it doesn’t have to be that way, but if nick did screw up the whole relationship, then at least the two of you wouldn’t have to be near each other, and have that as a constant reminder.
so now there was literally nothing that could go wrong, but nick was just so scared.
he was paralyzed. a single tear fell down his cheek. suddenly, an idea stuck him.
he took a deep breath, as he began to formulate. he would write a letter to you. he didn’t have to give it to you, he just needed to get all of the words he wanted to say out.
maybe he would give it to you. maybe he didn’t want to have to see your face when he told you all his pent up emotions. but maybe he did.
if you reciprocate the feelings, he wanted to watch you react. but you might not. you probably don’t, and so nick should give you the letter. that way you can let him down easily, without the harshness of an initial reaction.
nick flattened a piece of lined paper on his desk. he picked up the pen you gave him. it was years ago now, but this would be the first time he’d ever used it. it was for special occasions. and this was definitely special.
”dear y/n,” he began. “i am in love with you. i’ve been in love with you since we were sophomores. do you remember homecoming? at the end of the night, when everyone found new energy as the final song started up, you told me something. you probably didn’t put much thought into it, but i think about it nearly everyday. you told me that i’m perfect. do you remember that? it caught me off guard. we hadn’t been talking, just laughing at nothing and dancing, and you told me that i’m perfect. and then when the song ended, you hugged me. i think that’s when i realized i had feelings for you. romantic ones, that is.
”i don’t know when it happened, but sometime last year i really fell in love with you. maybe it was seeing you with paint all over your face, after we got distracted from making posters. or maybe it was on facetime, when you let me rant to you for the thousandth time about how stressed i always am. but i think it was when you held my hand during the scary part of some cheesy horror movie that i can’t remember the name of.
”and after i fell, i realized that sometimes is never quite enough. i couldn’t just be with you sometimes, i had to be with you every chance that i could. so if it seemed like i was just making up reasons to hang out with you, i was. i hope you don’t mind.
”yet being with you constantly turned out to stab me in the back. do you remember gabe? godlike gabe is how i thought of him. you put him on such a pedestal. you thought he was so incredible, so perfect. perfect body, perfect grades, and he always had the perfect thing to say. he had no flaws. and i know you never meant for it to impact me the way it did, but everytime you mentioned him, it was like you were just stabbing a dagger through my heart. a dagger engraved with the words, “if you’re flawless, then you’ll win my love.” and all i saw were my flaws, and i felt like they were on full display to you, so you could never love me.
”and i couldn’t tell you about how this made me feel, not if i wanted to keep my love for you a secret. so, i told you about other things. my family, the stress that they put me under. your family is much different than mine, so you didn’t really know what to say, but you did tell me “don’t forget to keep that smile on your face” when you tricked me into laughing at your horrible puns, and that helped. you told me that my smile was cute, so i tried to smile more when i was around you. and then you would smile, and i’d forget about all my flaws.”
nick put his pen down. he hadn’t said everything he wanted to yet, but needed a moment to regain himself. he didn’t want to deliver a letter stained with tears to you. he leaned back in his chair, thinking of what he had left.
with a deep breath, he began again, “i would sometimes wonder how long it would be before i screwed it up. how long before i said something stupid, like “i love you.” so i guess this is that time. i’ve waited to tell you, because you are the best friend i’ve ever had, and i don’t want to lose you. but i can’t be just friends with you. i have tried, but i need to tell you i love you. if you don’t have feelings for me, that’s fine. i waited to tell you until our graduation, when we’re going to be on opposite sides of the country, so that if you don’t feel the same, our parting will be more natural. if you don’t, i would still like to be friends with you, but not right away.
”y/n, i know you better than i know myself. you are going to succeed at whatever you put your mind to. california doesn’t know what’s coming.
”love, nick.”
nick read over his letter. “this is shit.” he muttered to himself. it was like he had written a fucking essay on you. that’s not how you tell someone you love them.
he read his words once more. he decided he wasn’t going to use it. he would just tell you in person, maybe hitting on the point he had made in the letter. it’d seem less awkward and rigid than this.
yet, he tucked the letter into an envelope, and put it in an often unused pocket of his backpack.
he tried to forget about it, and go to sleep. but it was a restless sleep. every time he glanced at the clock, convinced that hours had passed, only a minute had.
when he finally gave up on a restful sleep, he dragged himself out of bed, the only solace being a cup of coffee.
finals, his last finals of high school, were coming up soon. and instead of studying, he had written a shitty fucking love letter to a girl that would never see him as more than a friend. he completely checked out when his family began talking. talking in their incessantly loud voices, about mundane topics.
his sister, frankie asked him something. not wanting to seem like he wasn’t paying attention, he said, “uh yeah, sure. sounds great.” and frankie gave him a hug. which was weird, but nick didn’t have mental energy to question it.
later that day, after the final bell rang and frankie hopped into nick’s car, frankie said, “you’re welcome.”
nick furrowed his eyebrows. “you’re welcome what?”
frankie rolled her eyes. “for being the best little sister ever, obviously.”
the look on nick’s face was not amused. “what did you do.”
”well, you know how you told me you wanted me to give that letter to y/n this morning?”
nick’s heart rate picked up. the letter. “i didn’t say that.”
”well, i remember you did, and i already gave it to y/n. so you’re welcome.”
”what?” nick screamed. the car suddenly felt so small, the windows closing in on him.
”this morning, i asked you if you wanted me to give the letter to y/n, and you said that that sounded like a great idea, i don’t see why you’re freaking out right now. can you hurry up and drive us home? i have loads of physics homework that i need to get to.”
the world seemed to rotate around nick. “frankie, i was half asleep, was that not obvious? and why did you have my letter in the first place? did you got through my backpack again? you need to stop doing that!”
frankie shrunk into her seat. “sorry. but you shouldn’t agree to things you don’t hear.”
”you are not going to blame me for this!” nick took out his phone, and quickly sent you a text, “hey did frankie give you a letter today? have you read it yet? if you haven’t, do you mind waiting until after graduation to read it? please no follow up questions about the letter’s contents if you have not read it.”
nick then threw his phone into the backseat, and began pulling out of the school parking lot.
”so what was in the letter? did you finally confess your love to y/n?” asked frankie.
nick’s face flushed, and he didn’t reply.
taking his silence as an answer, frankie said, “well good for you, then. and hey, with y/n’s dna, you have a 50/50 chance of making cute babies.”
nick continued to ignore frankie’s comments all the way home.
”do you think y/n will still want to be friends with me, even when we’re no longer sister-in-laws, and she’s on her second husband? or wife? or spouse? is y/n queer?” frankie gasped, “maybe i could be her second wife!”
”get out.” nick said, pulling into the driveway.
”i have the kindest brother.” she said with sarcasm dripping from her voice.
nick sneered at her.
after he parked his car, he took a deep breath and picked up his phone. NUMBER texts from you. “yeah, frankie like ran up to me in the middle of the hallway. that was weird.”, “i haven’t had time to read it yet, why is it bad?”, “wait, ignore that question. i will conveniently forget the letter’s existence until after we’ve graduated
”yes, please forget about it for the next two weeks. wait no, less than two weeks. frankie wasn’t supposed to give that to you, sorry.” he sent back.
”give what to me? ha ha…”
”please don’t remind me that graduation is that soon ugh.” you double texted.
”i know :(“ nick sent.
@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi
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gyllenhaalstories · 5 years ago
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Wait why would you talking about rap get you shadowbanned?
hi anon!!!! this got wrong for no reason, so it’s under a read more!
talking about rap wouldn’t get me shadowbanned per se. this blog has had some issues appearing in the tags for a long time (it was a glitch from tumblr’s, as explained by one of their employees when i messaged them back then) and since the most recent update, tags are just even more complicated to understand. i come from the roleplay community side of tumblr, where we are extremely affected by updates (not as much as content creator such as gif makers and artists, that’s for sure!). with the recent update, the way tags function changed from what i was used to and several blogs and posts just stopped appearing in the tags for no reason. adding too many links in a post would hide it, using too many photos, using read mores, not using read mores and publishing something long, using more than 5 tags, using less than five tags... it’s a whole mess! it doesn’t happen to everybody. earlier, i posted some headcanons that went straight into the void of tumblr’s non sense and i was like oh? not again? and i posted some test posts that disappeared too. i tried on different blogs (i have a bunch that were created at different moments thinking maybe it was just this blog getting old or something) and similar things happened. i contacted tumblr’s help center last weekend to just know if something happened. even more so recently, tumblr flags blogs out of absolutely nowhere (it usually does when someones posts visually explicit content regularly, photos that shows too much skin/has too much beige on it or as they say anything resembling “a female presenting nipple”, male nipples are ok, but god forbid you show a titty!). and they do that without really telling you? i saw so many people from the roleplay community get flagged and only finding out days later. i was scared i had been flagged and i wanted to take action and just see what’s up. written erotica is allowed by tumblr’s guidelines, so i was ready to battle and keep queuing my filty jake fic recs. 
i don’t post on here to be famous, to get likes or to be cool! i don’t really mind if some imagine makes 10 notes or 100, if one person likes it, i get all the validation i need and i’m one happy girl. tumblr came back to me with some generic “it do be like that sometimes” and some of my older posts started showing up in the tags again while others are just nowhere to be found. it’s a common issue, but it just happens a little too often on here for me to let it slide without worrying. i don’t want to go all gabbie hanna ranting about youtube killing her channel as if tumblr is killing my blog on purpose. it’s just weird it kept happening to this blog and i wanted to investigate. i promise i won’t make a podcast yelling about the help center calling them bullies because i don’t get 100000000 notes on my appreciation of jake’s doggo post right after i posted it because i demand fame and recognition. i just wanted to check in and make sure there wasn’t a bigger problem underneath the iceberg that is tumblr’s will to kick us all off this website by making it worse and worse with each update. 
rap isn’t a forbidden topic! the fact i know nothing about it might be, but i have nothing against rap discussions and i don’t think tumblr has an issue with it so far! it was just more of a technical problem than anything else. was it solved? absolutely not, but oh well! i’m starting uni again and i have a lot of anxiety rn so i can’t concentrate fully to write what i have in mind in the following days, but at least i won’t have to wait for tumblr’s email to keep going. if you are the rapper!jake enthusiast anon, i am terribly sorry for making you wait! i can’t promise it will be worth it, but it’s in the drafts and it’ll pour my lil heart and soul into it when i will stop panicking about school and rest bitch face the worst professor i ever had behind my mask with no remorse. if you were just curious and actually read all of this, you earned my undying admiration and a nap. 
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forever-more-never-again · 7 years ago
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In your head (An Avengers Request)
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Requested: Anonymous
Word Count:2244
Pairing: Platonic! Elizabeth Olsen X Reader, Platonic!Avengers X Reader
Warnings: Deals with issues of Depression and Self Harm. Do not read if this will trigger you!
Request: Heyo, can I please get an angsty avengers cast x fem depressed reader where R is one of the cast, but mainly Liz and R though. Where like R is usually really bubbly but zoned out sometimes. And maybe they see the cuts while the reader is changing for a scene or something and Liz comforts her. Sorry if it’s long. Love your writing by the way. 😊I’m the anon with the Liz x R fic request, and that’s okay. ☺️ Maybe Wanda instead of Liz?
A/N: I didn’t think it would end up as long as it did, and it does get a bit angsty with the topics. If you are dealing with Depression! Know that I am always available to talk and that you are not alone!
Masterlist
“[Y/n]!”
You jolted with a gasp and your eyes focused in on the worried face in front of you. Smiling sheepishly, you rubbed the back of your neck, “Hey Elizabeth….What’s up?”
The woman’s green eyes squinted in suspicion as she leaned over where you were sitting in your director chair waiting for your next scene, “I’ve been calling your name for a few minutes. Are you okay?”
You laughed away her concern, “I’m fine Liz...really. Just tired. It’s been a long day of filming.”
And that wasn't technically a lie. It was currently six in the evening and filming had started at five am. And your character was a main character in the new Avengers movie, so you had a lot of scenes.
Elizabeth Olsen, who played the Scarlet Witch, was one of your closest friends ever since you got into the industry.
“You’ve just been zoning out a lot lately, [Y/n]. And I’m not the only one who's noticed.” Elizabeth sighed, knowing you were stubborn.
And true to her assumptions, your pouted and crossed your arms, glaring over at where the other cast members stood chatting, “If they have an issue, they can take it up with me.” Your tone softened as you rested a hand on Elizabeth’s arm, looking at her, “But I promise, it’s just fatigue. I’ll be right as rain after a nap.”
Elizabeth smiled at you and walked over to where Sebastian and Anthony were picking on Tom Holland.
You watched them laughing for a few minutes, heart heavy with guilt. It wasn’t just fatigue that made you zone out. But you didn’t want to trouble your friends with your inner demons, and you definitely didn’t want them to look at you different, and you also needed this job!
So, just like you did everyday, you took a deep breath, and shoved those dark feelings down to the pit of your stomach.
“[Y/n]! We’re ready for you on Set five!”
You plastered a forced smile on your face and stood up and listened with half an ear as the directors instructed you where to stand and when to start.
The bright lights were blinding, but you were trained not to squint. You glared viciously across the staged classroom at Captain America and Iron Man.
“You’re all a bunch of Hypocritical Righteous assholes! What do you care about people like me?”
The stern voice of Captain America rang out as his shield lowered slightly, “[Y/C/N]! We don’t want to hurt you! We can get you the help you need like we did for the Winter Soldier!”
You laughed, but the sound was bitter and wetness shown in your eyes. You turned to the side, making sure you got your markings right so that the camera could catch the slight tremor in your hands as you clenched them into fists.
“I’m not broken like him! Not everyone is bad because of brainwashing! There’s no reason for my rage except that Jerks like you leave us to starve in the streets and struggle to survive!”
Tony Stark stepped out of his suit and you quickly stepped backwards, making sure not to trip on the thin wires hidden in the ground. Your body tense and poised to pounce.
“We know about your mother..”
You snarled, “Don’t.” One word, spoken soft but deadly. You strained your eyes so you wouldn’t mess up the shot by glancing up at the boom mike hovering over your head.
But he didn’t, “The Flu that took her. We know that you robbed a drugstore but that it was too late. We know about her death.”
Perfectly timed, you cut him off with a roar of pain and sprinted across the set up classroom and slammed out the door.
“Cut!”
At the director’s scream. You let the tension drain out of your body.
Turning back, you watched RDJ mess with his CGI suit and laugh with Chris Evans.
You walked over with a smile, “Nice job guys.”
Chris giggled at you, his blue eyes bright, “You were amazing [Y/n]! The way you almost started crying! It was so realistic!”
Your smile felt frozen. You hadn’t meant to let your despair get so close to the surface during the scene, but your character’s horrible and sad past, made it hard to seperate acting from reality sometimes.
Anthony Russo called out, “Alright! I want to shoot the scene with [Y/C/N] and Black Widow and Scarlet Witch next! Costume changes and be on set in ten!”
You sighed, waving goodbye to the men as you headed to the dressing rooms.
Entering you saw Elizabeth and Scarlet already there and in their suits chatting.
You gritted your teeth, you could change fast without them seeing anything. You were quite skilled at it now after so many years.
“Hey [Y/n]! You ready for this scene?” Scarlet called out, her blonde wig sitting slightly skewed on her head.
You hid a giggle behind your hand.
She turned to Elizabeth, “What?” Elizabeth shot me a look before she also started laughing, “Your wig..”
Scarlet reached up and grimaced, “Shoot. I’ll be back in a second.” And with that, she left to find a hairdresser.
You were lucky enough to not need a wig for your character. Rifling through the racks, you found the outfit needed for the scene and walked to a corner of the room.
“I was watching the scene on the screen and you were awesome. I’m really glad you got this part.”
You laughed, your clothes falling in a lump at your feet, “Of course! What would you do without my friendship?”
Maybe you were too sure that she wouldn’t see. But next thing you knew, your outfit partly on, your wrist was wrenched in a cool grasp.
“Wha?” You gasped as your body turned and your eyes widened in horror.
Elizabeth stood before you, her hand gently cradling the wrist she had grabbed. The fingers of her free hand gently tracing tons of old and fresh scars the littered your wrist.
You froze. Daring not to speak. Praying this was all a dream. You had managed to hide your depression from your family and friends, casting agents, directors and the whole cast. But now, here was one of your closest friends and castmates, staring at the proof and shame of your life.
She gently moved to your other arm and gasped softly when she saw similar lacerations.
Her green eyes swam in tears as she grasped your hands and pulled you into her embrace.
It was her warmth and soft gasps of tears that broke you. Your legs gave out and you fell against her, your combined weight causing you both to slide to the ground in a crying mess.
Her hand reached up and smoothed your hair. After a while, she pulled back and looked into my eyes. I couldn’t bear the sight of pity and sorrow in hers, so I looked away.
“How long?”
Two words. Whispered in the large space.
Your mind ran with excuses. Anything that would make this a joke and let her leave you alone. So that your shameful secret would never see the light of day.
But your friend knew you too well. She shook your shoulders, and when you met her eyes, they were like steel, “Don’t you dare lie to me, [Y/n]. How long have you been hurting yourself?”
Your shoulders hunched, your body trying to disappear under her gaze. You barely whispered your answer, praying she wouldn't hear, “Ten years.”
But she did. “Ten years..” She drew you once again into a hug.
“Hey guys, Anthony and Joe want us on set, what’s going…? What’s going on here?”
You jumped and turned, once again terrified as Scarlet walked into the changing room.
You crawled backwards, neck whiplashing as you glanced from Scarlet to Elizabeth in a panic.
Elizabeth sighed and stood up, “[Y/n].” Your name made you look at your friend. Her eyes held hope and a wordless plea.
Finally, you stood up. Wiping away some stray tears that managed to escape, you put on the rest of your costume and set your shoulders.
Scarlet still stood, confused, at the door.
You addressed both of them, “I’ve struggled with depression since I was a kid. But I didn’t know what was causing me to feel so sad and weak and worthless all the time. I skipped school. I stayed in bed for days, saying I was sick. I lost my passion for certain avictities.” You drew in a deep breath.
Elizabeth and Scarlet walked closer to you, both laying a hand on your shoulder in comfort.
You closed your eyes, intent on getting the whole sordid story out in one go.
“I knew something was wrong with me. But it wasn’t until college that I turned to the blade. I was so stressed out about finals. And drama and my parent’s pressure. And I felt that familiar tiredness and…,” You drew in a shuddering breath, “and-and nothingness coming back. It was too painful and I couldn’t handle it. When I saw the blood run down my arm, I felt peaceful. Some of the pain left...But everytime the sweet release got shorter and shorter, so I had to return to the blade more and more.”
You felt the tears slip from your closed eyes and trace a cold path down your cheeks.
“I was going to get help after I graduated. But then I got a call about a role for the new Avenger movie and I didn’t have the time after I got the role. And then it just snowballed. I didn’t want you guys to find out and be ashamed of me. I didn’t want to lose this amazing opportunity. I didn’t want the stigma and shame and pity that comes when people find out!”
Your rant ended with a harsh, angry whisper. Your mind remembering all the torrid gossip magazines that slandered actors, actresses, and celbetired alike when they came out about an addiction, or mental health issue.
Being on the front page of one of those magazines for your depression was one of your continuing nightmares.
The silence stretched on. Your eyes stayed tightly closed. You couldn’t face them now that they knew.
“We would never judge you [Y/n]. You’re so strong for going through all that by yourself. But you’re not alone.”
Your eyes flew wide and you turned, shocked, to see all your friends and castmates crowded in the door of the changing room. Anthony and Joe Russo standing in front.
Chris Evans, who spoke, took a step forward, a soft smile on his face, “Sorry for busting in, but we got worried when you guys didn’t come to set.”
A ragged sob left your lips and you raised a trembling hand to your lips. Your head shook frantically as you felt the waves of panic and terror take ahold of you.
A warm hand on your wrist. You looked over at Elizabeth, “Breath [Y/n]. You don’t have to fear. We’re here for you. We won’t judge you. You’re our friend.”
Her words were soothing, but didn’t completely calm the storm inside you.
“We’ll help you get the help you need and keep you from the scrutiny of the public.” Tom Hiddleston piped up.
Tom Holland jumped in next, his boyish charm coming through his words of encouragement, “You’re amazing [Y/n], and I’ll make sure you know that everyday!”
A small chuckle escaped your lips at that.
“I have a great therapist who’s discreet and can help you talk through your issues.” Chris Hemsworth offered.
“And I can guarantee your position in this role and in this family. You’re family [Y/n]. and we always help family when they’re struggling.” Anthony said. A smile on his face as his arms crossed over his chest.
Your heart felt ready to burst. You looked over the faces of friends and family you had spent the past couple years with.
“You don’t hate me? Think I’m weak for...for hurting myself?” You whispered.
This time Scarlett spoke, from next to your shoulder. “We would never hate you or think you’re weak. You have been struggling to stay afloat for a long time doing the only thing you know to help relieve you of your pain, but you’re not alone anymore, we’re your life preserves and you can always lean on us when you feel like drowning.”
This time your sob was one of happiness and relief. You ran to the people standing in the dressing room.
Warm arms and smiles welcomed you.
“Alright! I’m dying here! Whose hand is on my ass? Tom! That better not be you!”
Everyone broke down in laughter at Anthony’s indignant yell.
It would take time. Lots of time. And you would slip and fall along the way, but you finally felt a weight lift from your shoulders.
Looking around at everyone, you realized they really were family. A dorky, dysfunctional family. But one filled with love and laughter and support. And they supported you. They would never judge you, or hate you, or think you weak. They just wanted to protect and help you.
And asking for help wasn’t a bad thing, You realized.
Looking over the top of Paul Rudd’s head, you caught Elizabeth’s eyes.
You mouthed to her, ‘Thank you.’
She smiled and nodded once.
FOREVER Taglist: (Strike through means I couldn’t tag you)
@sxph-t @mialeelavellan @rainydaysrnevergrey  @platonic-plots @sociallyawkwardcircus-freak-hi @ayyidkeither @mcuimxgine @mythixmagic @chas-z @iflew-onabus @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger
Avengers Taglist:
@jadepc
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drunkportuguese · 6 years ago
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the one anon about Sam Wilson wearing Cap. America's clothes: Oh... Sorry for not explaining better, but Sam wearing Cap. America's battle uniforms/battle suits. The one battle suit from Civil War, or from Endgame, or the one with the star ripped out in Infinity War. Just something i've been thinking because of stuff that happened at the end of Endgame, not based on something you posted.
Thank you so much for clarifying! I’m going to go on a little bit of a big rant, but it’s like, my first time writing like this, so please be patient :D I have also not read the comics so all of this is speculation!
Sam wearing Steve’s uniforms is something that doesn’t quite sit right with me. While I believe that the CA mantle is not something that should become the hero’s personality, I do think that it’d be cool to see some changes based on the person who’s wearing it. Sam picking up Steve’s used uniforms and not altering anything would be pretty lame and ilogical imo
I follow a few tumblrs that do read the comics and so I see comics’ Sam!cap once in a while, and I love the way the uniform was tailored to him!
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^This looks really good to me! There are a few obvious flaws that I’ll talk about later, but regardless, it’s different enough that everyone knows that that’s the incredible Sam Wilson, but also recognizable enough that you can tell perfectly that he’s Captain America, what with the Puerto Rican flag n’ all (I joke).
However, I’d love love love to see Sam wearing the famous stealth uniform:
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Like, this one is a godsend and I really love it (just like the rest of the world lmao). I think it’d really look good on Sam!
But that’s really the only original suit that Sam could wear without making changes to it and still look normal and logical:
Unless Sam’s wings are like those of an owl, he’d make noise flying, as well as that most stealth missions involve going inside buildings, so stealth would have to be on the ground and in closed spaces for most of the time.
Thus, Sam wouldn’t fly a lot in these situations, only using the wings as extra punching-“hands” or a full body shield.
Because of 1) and 2), the original uniform’s build makes sense to me, as the suit doesn’t need to be aerodynamic - flying would not be the focus of these types of missions, and I think Shield would rather the suit was focused on protection and noise reduction than being aerodynamic.
Sam’s fighting style is more airborne than Steve’s, so the other uniforms don’t really fit this different fighting style.
To show you what I mean, let’s take off (hah) from the MCU and dive (hah x2) into the DCU, into the last Aquaman movie. This is what I didn’t like about the movie:
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(beware as the picture under this sentence is an edit, but is also a faithful representation of the real suit - i couldn’t find a good quality picture of it besides this one)
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Here’s the deal: Nothing in these suits screams hydrodynamic to me.
Mera’s skintight suit might look the most hydrodynamic of all, but that was not the intention they had when making her wear that. They wanted her to have a skintight suit because she’s a woman and thus needs to look sexy. I hate this trope in superheroes’ suits (yes, even in Aquaman’s own skintight suit), but I digress.
Mera’s suit has an egregious neckline. Who the fuck designed this? She’s gonna be swimming superman-style at breakneck speeds and your first thought is to put an enormous boob window where water will 100% make it into the suit through the middle of her boobs?! During the entire movie I was waiting to see her puff-up like a pufferfish from all the water intake the suit must’ve had.
Mera wears heels, which is ridiculous for a society that doesn’t even really walk!
But King Orm’s suits are the worst to me. The first one might not be that bad, but why does he look like a medieval knight/gladiator?
But the third picture… is the absolute fucking worst.
Why does he have a cape? That shit’s gonna float around him and strangle him someday, and I’m gonna be on the sidelines watching and laughing with Edna Mode.
The whole suit looks clunky and heavy, and it might be made of scales but that still doesn’t look oceanic to me. Looks more like someone took Jon Snow’s suit and changed the colors to fit an ocean environment.
All of this is to show you that:
I’m way too picky about superhero suits;
When I rant, I go for the long haul;
These suits are not adapted to their environment, and that’s their biggest flaw.
Steve’s suits are not made to go airborne, and that make sense, because Steve doesn’t fly. Steve’s suits are adapted to ground fighting.
But Sam does fly, and I’d hate to see Sam’s CA suits become the Mera/King Orm of the MCU, where they make them look borderline military-like and too superhero-y, and Sam stops looking like his suits were made to fit an airborne environment and more like they just look cool and that’s it.
So let’s look at skydiving suits:
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Notice the full helmet and the how these clothes are baggy but still tight to the body? These suits also have a full-body harness, to make sure no part of the body is under too much strain when you open the parachute and the speed you are travelling at drastically decreases. Would the harness be just for the shoulders, like a backpack, I don’t know - you might dislocate something!
Now let’s look at Sam’s suit:
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I’d appreciate if he had some sort of protection for his mouth and nose. Sam’s fights can make him need to do a lot of quick ascends and tight turns and he can very easily have the breath knocked out of him with a rogue gust of wind.
The breastplate/belly-plate(?) looks a little too solid to me, thought, and this is a man that literally performs falcon takedowns, where he needs to curl up quickly:
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I’d say with all the technology available in the MCU, now especially with Shuri’s help, they’d be able to make a more flexible but protective suit for Sam, and that’s what I’d like to see when he debuts as CA.
But other than that, it actually looks like a good compromise between being aerodynamic and protective.
It looks protective enough if we ignore the exposed skin around his elbows (I’d be terrified if I had exposed joints – one well-placed stab or slash and my arm would be gone).
His pants look comfortable and not too tight, which prevents getting a wedgie mid-fight and allows the body to move freely.
It has the full-body harness like the suits we saw earlier, but it could use some work. Parachuting means you will have maybe one time where your body will experience a drastic decrease in speed, but Sam will increase and decrease speed very quickly and many times during fights and pursuits. He needs a sturdy body harness with more belts than the parachuters’ so the strain is even more distributed throughout the body, to prevent his groin and shoulders from getting crazy amounts of stress. He is human, after all, and the human body has limits.
Let’s look at the comics again:
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This might look a little ridiculous with all the muscle definition, but apart from the exposed boot laces and maybe too tight clothes, it looks pretty fit for high speed flying, acrobatics, and fighting.
Note especially how the suit wraps around his face. The only problem I see there is that it should have a mask to, again, protect his mouth and nose. That flap under his chin could get a little loose with use, and one day Sam gets uncomfortable air flowing into his suit – which, needless to say, a split-second distraction like that in superhero fights can be disastrous.
There’s also very little exposed skin: I’d argue that a Captain America-style helmet would help a lot to protect his head but still being aerodynamic, to keep him flying as fast as he can.
 So, basically:
Sam’s MCU original suit already looks pretty good. He could use having less exposed skin, more flexible materials, and a Captain America-style helmet, which can all be achieved by combining his original suit with the CA standard suit. CA’s suit aesthetic is especially good, because you can segment the breastplate into two pieces, the blue top, and the red/white bottom, making it more foldable and flexible without compromising the classical CA look.
His suit also needs a Winter Soldier-style mask, but while it’s such a big deal for flying, I still don’t think it’s going to be implemented, because then Sam would become so covered-up that Marvel could be tempted to cgi his entire suit like they did with Iron Man, and I really don’t want to see that. We all know that, with a few exceptions (like James Cameron’s Avatar), cgi does not age well.
 -.;.-
I hope at least 10% of this rant makes sense lmao. Also, I know these are superhero movies that definitively don’t need to have all this thought put into them but hey, I like to speculate and complain about shit lol
I’m nowhere near an expert at whatever the fuck I’m talking about in this post, but I tried my best! This deviated into a bit of a different topic, so I’m not sure this is what you wanted, but I wanted to talk about this anyway :s Thank you for the ask!
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theexistentiallyqueer · 6 years ago
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Sorry to bother, but where do autistic and adhd brains overlap? Because both are neurodivergent (and beautiful, I agree) But how can I find out which behaviour belongs more to me being autistic (got diagnosed this year) and which is adhd? (No Matter What Deadline, after several years in hostile environment (failed university, then call center work) I panic. Hard.) How do I disentangle adhd and autism to find out what strategies to use to function better?
Please don’t feel like you’re being a bother, because you’re not! Honestly the fact that someone is coming to me to ask ADHD questions makes me teary-eyed, because I’ve fought so hard to learn to function with ADHD that people Asking Me Things like I’m a trusted expert just makes my heart grow three sizes, the opposite of the Grinch.
I’m probably not the best person to ask about how ADHD and autism overlap specifically, especially if you’re taking this from an autistic POV. And I’m also not a behavioral expert, which is a very strong preface. But I can (and am very happy to) talk a bit about my experiences with ADHD and how I’ve learned to make things work for my brain.
I’m going to put this under a cut, if that’s okay with you, anon. It got kind of long and I don’t want to overrun anyone’s dash. And you can always, always ask me ADHD questions, and I’ll try my best to answer.
My ADHD tends to manifest specifically in the following ways:
Extreme hyperfixation that has its own varying degrees (e.g., I’m really into Fire Emblem: Three Houses, but I have so lack of interest in Byleth/Claude that my lack of interest feels like an actual void)
An inability to process feelings regarding things other people care strongly about that I don’t. If we’re using the same fandom example: I could rant forever about how Byleth/Edelgard gives me ALL THE FEELS, but if I friend I care about started to talk about Byleth/Claude, I would immediately lose all interest in the conversation and struggle to react in a way that doesn’t present me as a selfish monster who doesn’t care about the person I’m talking to.
I tend to monopolize conversation if I’m given the opportunity because I LOVE getting the chance to talk about my hyperfixations. If someone cuts me off when I’m really into a topic, I get incredibly irritated and have to try to restrain from myself from acting petty in response. The number of times I have smiled my mouth is a knife and said, “ANYWAY, as I WAS SAYING…” is beyond count.
I don’t recognize or remember people until I have something meaningful to associate them with. I also don’t tend to notice things that don’t clock themselves as Important in my brain. I usually describe this as “background furniture.” Even PEOPLE become background furniture. A girl I work with mentioned a person on her team had quit, and I’d literally walked by that person’s desk earlier that day and didn’t notice it was empty, because that person and the entire space they occupied was background scenery.
If something affects or touches me personally, it hits me Very Personally. I had a complete fucking breakdown watching the video of Philando Castille’s shooting, because I heard his daughter crying while she watched him getting shot and went down onto a spiral of personal loss over my own father to gun violence and started to immediately correlate the two. Separating ADHD brainness from my  whiteness is complex and hard and (said sarcastically) so, so much fun.
The direct inverse of that are things like: I’m talking to my mom, who’s telling me about a high school friend of hers just got into a horrific vehicle accident and is in the ICU. My mom then goes on to give me regular status updates on this woman I don’t know. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s surgery. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s family’s attempt to find an adequate rehab center. They find a rehab center, and my mom shows me how her friend decorated her daughter’s room. My mom shows me a video of the girl working with a physical therapist, who gets her to push herself upright with a walker and take her tentative steps. “Awesome!” my brain thinks. “Great!” my brain thinks. All of it spans over several days, weeks, months. I have nothing to do with this constant influx of information. I don’t know how my brain should file it. I don’t know this woman who was injured. I feel for her in theory because no one should ever have to go through that even though so many people do, but I haven’t ACTIVELY PRETEND like I personally am invested in the situation or else my mother gives me Concerned Eyes because I seem to be In A Bad Mood Today.
When it comes to organization, I tend to lean towards hyper-organization rather than hypo-organization. By which I mean I over-organize to combat the fact that ADHD often results in disorganization, and disorganization results in chaos, and chaos gives me COMPLETE PANIC ATTACKS. At work at one point, I had my emails auto-tagging every incoming email based on the email type, on top of tagging for my clients. Every label had a different color, and it all made sense to me, because I’d made it. When my team had cover my stuff on a day I was out, my inbox was such a horror show that it left them feeling drained and distressed.
Let’s talk about socialization! I have a rocky relationship with my childhood best friend. When I discovered social justice in college, I started picking fights with everyone over everything Problematique. The first major fight I had with my best friend at the time was because she felt I was over-aggressive towards a mutual male friend of ours. She was probably right, because I know the kind of bullying behavior I later developed. I thought I learned from it. After the 2016 election, I messaged her on FB, thinking I had a sympathetic ear, to say that seeing her mother post constant messages of support for Trump and sharing stuff dismissing Trump’s sexual assault allegations was particularly hurtful considering I’d told my friend that my mom had been sexually assaulted.. I’m not going to share what she said, but she wasn’t in the wrong. We didn’t talk for several months after that.
Speaking of her! When she started dating the guy she’s now married to, at one point I asked her if they’d had sex yet. I asked it because I thought it was a thing you were Supposed To Talk About as friends, and also because I was, in a way, morbidly curious, because I’m grey-ace and queer. She confirmed that they had, but I still felt so icky and uncomfortable about that for so long afterwards. It was only after I started to understand that I’m not cis and not allo that I really understood why: I was forcing myself to perform what I thought female friendship was based on how it’s portrayed in media, and it’s only once I began to understand that I’m on the ace spectrum and that I’m nonbinary that I really started to understand how forced mainstream conversations of attraction are.
I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud all the time! I live with my mom and I socialize with my mom and when we’re in public spaces and I’m talking about something that interests me, she always, always, always feels like she has to shush me. What makes it ironic? If there are other people being loud around me, I can’t function. I can’t process the noise. It’s EVEN WORSE if they’re speaking in another language, because if it’s English I can process the words at least, but if it’s another language, it’s just pure, inescapable sound that I know has meaning but can’t intuit, and if I can’t understand something, that’s as bad as dying.
From what I’ve read about autism, here are ways I THINK my ADHD traits overlap with autistic traits:
I can’t read facial expressions. I think I have a better concept of emotional nuance in facial expressions than someone who’s strictly autistic, but I’ll still panic when I see a smile that isn’t bland enough. RDS (rejection-sensitive dysphoria) will kick in. They hate me, they hate me, they hate me, is the track my brain will play on repeat until I’ve drunk myself into oblivion. Whenever someone smiles, I mistrust it immediately.
Eye contact is incredibly fucking frustrating. I understand that it’s expected, but it’s SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Why do we need to stare into each other’s eyes to understand one another? How can you people write whole treatises on the sanctity of locking gazes and finding an instant intellectual bond without realizing that eye contact that’s not called for is personally invasive?
I can’t understand flirting vs not flirting to the point that I’m absolutely paranoid someone is flirting with me, at which point I usually become hostile if I think they ARE, because DON’T FLIRT WITH ME. TALK to me!
I hate, hate, hate unsolicited physical contact. If I’m in a state of over-expression, I hate it even more. I’m not physically withdrawn, because I love hugs, and cuddles, and human touch. But when I’ve spent the entire day listening to other people talk and I have to walk into a room where people continue to talk, if someone touches me, it’s fucking No-Oh-One.
Someone is interested in a thing I’m interested in. We’ll use Persona 5 as the concept, because this honestly happened recently. I talk with the guy whose desk is across from mine about Persona 5 all the time. He’s also excited about Royal. I started going into my Sophia theory that I’ve really only lobbied at @softspokensansa. I could see, I could viscerally see, the interest drain from his expression. BUT I HAVE AN IDEA SO I WILL TALK ABOUT IT ANYWAY, and then afterwards I felt incredibly resentful that I was being filtered through a cookie-cutter drain.
It’s painful–it’s really painful!–to try to talk about my spiritual ideas with other people. I have a side blog I just started and am preppy myself to share, and I’m absofuckinglutely TERRIFIED everyone is going to write me off without looking at what I have to say. IT’S THE RSD AGAIN! Nothing I ever said has actually mattered before, so why should it now?
I feel, constantly, like I’m halfway between a point of reality and a point of something. What that something is is indefinable, but regardless of it, I exist.
I’d like to direct you to two very positive youtubers I know; I meant to do this earlier, but now feels right in terms of how I’ve written: How To ADHD and Amethyst Schaber.I credit both of them in helping me find a safe place with ADHD before diagnosis. There are stories other than yours that matter.
I wish you the best, anon! If you think you’re autistic and ADHD: given the comorbidity between the two, you probably are! And ADHD is just as beautiful, complicated, and misunderstood as autism is.
If anyone reading this can speak to living as both autistic and ADHD, please respond so I can lift your voice. And to my anon: you’re beautiful completely. I hope my story has helped you in its anyway, and I hope that you find yourself at a place of peace. It’s a struggle to get there, but it’s worth it, every step of the way.
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grrlgeek72 · 7 years ago
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PSA on “People are Different”
Anonymous message I received: (they gave me permission to post this)
Too much of an coward to weigh in on the actual post, but here are my two cents: I've been overweight since puberty. Always. Marched up to 30km hills up and down with around 20kg of weight on my back and ate next to nothing: Never lost weight. Always stayed around 72kg and no matter what I did in 15 years to change that, it stayed that way. 
Wanna know what my doc said? He asked me if I felt as if my weight would disable me in any way. Told him no. And he told me: Than that’s your perfect weight. You are supposed to weight that amount because that’s the amount your body needs. 
This dude(practicing for around 30 years at that time and a stern man, conservative as fuck but he knows his profession) taught me to always, always trust my body. When I was around 80kg I felt terrible and immediately lost weight by changing my diet but I never got under 70 kg. Because that’s the weight my body considers the best. And my body never failed me but BMI/super diets? Almost killed me.
 This obviously came out of the fat shaming discussion I got into Monday.  The lucky person for whom weight loss happened and I differ on one simple fact:
People are different.  Their bodies are different.  What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another person.  Something that works for you and successfully accomplished a goal for you is something to celebrate, but that doesn’t invalidate someone else’s experience.
I’m sincerely glad that they were able to lose weight and keep it off.  That’s a rare happening.   
But they seemed to miss my key point, which is: other people will not necessarily succeed using your strategy.
Something like 65% of Americans are overweight. You can google all the statistics on your own, but most of those folks are on a diet at any given moment.  The DIET INDUSTRY is a $66 Billion market.
There’s a tremendous amount of literature out there, but  this article seems to hit all the high points:
The Weight Loss Trap: Why Your Diet Isn’t Working
It’s long, but if this topic is of interest to you, please read it.
Couple of money quotes:
Like most people, Kevin Hall used to think the reason people get fat is simple.
“Why don’t they just eat less and exercise more?” he remembers thinking. Trained as a physicist, the calories-in-vs.-calories-burned equation for weight loss always made sense to him. 
Hmm, that sounds familiar...
What he didn’t expect to learn was that even when the conditions for weight loss are TV-perfect–with a tough but motivating trainer, telegenic doctors, strict meal plans and killer workouts–the body will, in the long run, fight like hell to get that fat back. 
A key point:
They also know that the best diet for you is very likely not the best diet for your next-door neighbor. Individual responses to different diets–from low fat and vegan to low carb and paleo–vary enormously. “Some people on a diet program lose 60 lb. and keep it off for two years, and other people follow the same program religiously, and they gain 5 lb.,” says Frank Sacks. 
Which was the point I was trying to make to our poster.  A point they never seemed to connect to or acknowledge.
Read the article, there’s a lot of good information in it.
Bottom line: 
1) Fat shaming is real, for men and women.  So we are conditioned to diet and seek unrealistic weights and that may lead to binge dieting, yo-yo weight loss and gain, eating disorders, and other health problems that are worse than being 40 or 50 pounds over some ‘ideal’ weight on a chart.
2) Except losing weight isn’t simple or easy and requires an intimate understanding of your individual metabolism.
3) What works for some random person on the Internet probably won’t work for you.  That’s okay.  It’s not a moral failing if it doesn’t work.
I REPEAT: IT’S NOT A MORAL FAILING IF IT DOESN’T WORK!
You’re not weak or undisciplined or unfocused or .... whatever.  It just means you need to keep working to find what does work for you.  And that leads us to:
4) Your doctor needs to be your partner in this.  If they aren’t supportive of the whole individualized approach, and instead gives you the “just eat less and exercise more” pitch, they’re not going to be able to really help you over the rough patches.  
And also important: they need to be realistic about what weight is healthy enough for you.  Just because some chart says if you’re 5 feet 3 inches tall you should weight 125 pounds, that might not be correct for YOU. (Our anon above is short, 157 cm., so 5′ 1″, 158 pounds.)
5) This is very much a privileged, first world problem.  There are a lot of socioeconomic reasons why someone may not have the spoons to make this work. Lack of time and money might be two. “Eat healthier! How hard can that be?”
Turns out that might be hard.  Because you have to shop and prepare those healthy meals, and surprise!  Fatty greasy high calorie shit is actually cheaper and certainly quicker if you’re juggling a couple of minimum wage jobs and maybe school or taking care of your kids. Not to mention eating into the time available for exercise.  
Also stress levels impact this.
And if it’s one thing modern life is full of these days, it’s stress.
Whew. Sorry for the ranting. Hope any of this helps someone figure out what is right and workable for their individual needs.
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svubloods · 8 years ago
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Imagine a killer date night with Jamie
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(A/N: To the Anon and everyone else who wanted the second part to the ‘Criminallly good date night with Jamie imagine’. Hope you enjoy and sorry it took so long for me to post. I’m a crappy a blog runner especially when I’m a combination of tried and busy. I’m sorry if this is terrible) 
Part One: HERE
Imagine a killer date night with Jamie
“This is it, isn't it?” You questioned, getting out the car and surveying your surroundings.
“This is what?” Jamie countered, getting out himself and looking over at you from his side of the car.
“This is where you murder me,” You clarified, “I’ll admit it well thought out. It’s quiet, secluded dense. It’s the evening so there are fewer people that could be possible witnesses to your crime. Take me far enough no one will hear me. And I’m working on the assumption that even though you plan on ending my life that you still care for me a little and that is why you decided to do it here, out of all places. Because you know that I have a deep emotional connection to this park,”
“Are you done?” Jamie sighed, though still amused.
“Doing what?” You inquired.
“Your speech about how you think I’m going to murder you,” He informed.
“You act like I make it often,” You stated.
“You do,” He reaffirmed.
“Well, it is likely,” You commented.
“No, it’s not,” He argued, rather adamantly.
“If I had been dating me for officially thirteen years tomorrow, I would,” You chuckled.
“Well, I guess I like you too much,” He winked.
“Or you're tricking me,” You insinuated, raising your eyebrows at him.
“Can we start the date now?” He sighed, shaking his head you exasperated but yet again still amused.
“Sure,” You shrugged casually, circling the car so you were perching on the hood of the car, “But just know that I have my eyes on you,”
“I’d be upset if you didn’t,” He smiled, moving so he was sitting next to you.
“Alright,” You gave in, “I’m done teasing. Proceed with your date Officer Reagan,”
“Thank you,” He nodded, “Well, what do you think?”
“You know I love it here,” You commented, “I’m just wondering why we are here?”
“Well, I thought that my redemption date I’d take you somewhere I knew you would like,” He explained.
“It’s not a redemption date it was just your turn to organise plus it’s also doubling as our thirteenth anniversary date,” You reminded, leaning on his shoulder as you looked up again.
“Which is why I took you here, your favourite place in the world,” He announced, with a hand gesture.
“That’s where you are wrong,” You smiled, looking up at him, “My favourite place is wherever you are,”
“Look who's being cheesy now,” He smirked, before kissing you briefly.
“But this is a close second,” You confirmed.
You took a deep breath and soaked in the surroundings. You were at your favourite park in the whole city. Well, it was technically a park but it was more like a forest. A popular hiking trail and your favourite place in the city. It might sound strange and most likely pretentious but when you first moved to New York fourteen years ago. You were lost, you parents essentially absentee and your first good memory here was going with your Housekeepers family to the forest for their annual family hike. It was the first time you felt connected to people and it is what you accredit finally allowing yourself to open up to other people. Without it, you may never have let yourself get to know Jamie.
You would have missed out on the best thing that ever had happened to you.
And that’s why you loved this place so much. You loved just sitting and watching everything go by, walking up the trail and taking it all in. Even just exploring, the place was so big that you hadn’t come anywhere near exploring all of it despite your frequent trips, most of them with Jamie.  
“So what do you have planned for our date?” You inquired.
“Well, I thought we could take a hike up to that point that you like and then…” He explained before jumping off the hood and heading to the trunk, opening it up and lifting out, “A picnic under the stars,”
“How romantic,” You chuckled, “Where’d you buy the food?”
“I made it,” He informed.
“Really?” You questioned, sceptically.
“Well, after our disaster couples cooking date. I took cooking classes by myself and have become pretty good at it. And also not so surprised when you weren’t there, there was no crime ring to take down,” He teased.
“I’ll believe it when I taste it,” You mentioned.
“I would expect nothing less,” He chuckled, before prompting, “Now come on. We have a long hike to your picnic spot,”
“It’s going to be dark when we get there,” You commented as you grabbed each other's hand and started walking down the path.
“That was the plan,” He winked, swinging the basket in his other hand.
“What exactly are your intentions with me tonight Reagan?” You flirted.
“I think you know,” He countered before whispering in your ear, “ Mostly because half of them are your ideas,”
“You really are trying to out due my last date aren’t you?” You teased.
“Trying to,” He admitted, “You’ve made it difficult,” “Not up, for the challenge Reagan?” You smirked.
“Oh, I definitely am,” He confirmed.
After the last date Jamie had organised had descended into a crime-solving mess, you had spent the rest of the night at home eating take-out from one of the Reagan families favourite places. He spent the whole night ranting and vowing that when his turn came around again that he would make sure that it went perfectly.
Before he had the chance to redeem himself, even though you continuously told him that he didn't need to because you had had fun fighting crime with him but you understood his wish to have at least one crime and punishment free date with you. But back to the point before he could organise his ‘redemption’ date, you had to organise your date for him as it was your turn to organise a date.
Last month both you and Jamie had some scheduled time off so you decided that for your date you would go on vacation. Jamie loved driving, especially for long distance so you organised a road trip across a couple of states in a rental car, staying a different hotel and doing different things in the little towns you stopped at for a couple of days before flying back. Jamie loved it but was annoyed by the end that your dates or plans for him always seemed to go off without hitch but his for you would attract the craziest of stuff. Regardless, Jamie had to admit that he enjoyed the go-karting, paintballing and even the painting lesson you did, during which he revealed to be quite a talented artist.
“God, I forgot how long that walk is,” You shuddered as you finally arrived at your destination and slightly ahead to the middle of it.
Which was a small hidden clearing that you can only find if you go slightly off the path? It was a perfect circle so when you looked up it was like looking up at the sky through a larger eye. Plus from this high up, every night is a starry night. It was like its own little world. Surrounded by tall trees, it was a very private spot. Probably best for whatever Jamie had in mind.
“But definitely worth it,” He smiled, catching you up and setting the heavy basket on the ground.
“For the sentimental value, it has?” You inquired.
“That and for that view,” He confirmed before gesturing to the sky.
It was sunset at this point. It was still a bit early so the sky descended from blue, white and yellow as the sun began to set. And from your high position it was breathtaking, with only a few clouds in the sky the colours were even brighter than you had ever seen before. It was absolutely perfect and you were surrounded by pure mother earth.
“Wow,” You breathed, not taking your eyes off the sky.
“Pretty good day to be up here,” Jamie commented, as he began.
“It’s perfect,” You nodded, “Thank you,”
“Don’t thank me just yet,” He teased.
“It's getting better?” You questioned intrigued, pulling your eyes away and watching him as he set out a picnic blanket and started unpacking the food.
“Oh yes it does,” He grinned, on his knees in front of you as he started placing food on the blanket before pulling out a box and opening the lid so you could say, “Can you say strawberries covered in white chocolate?”
Around twenty minutes later you and Jamie were lying on the blanket. Your feet at opposite sides so you met up in the middle. You both snacked aimlessly, feeding each other occasionally, as you discussed meaningless to the most important topics in your lives. The cooking lessons Jamie had been attending were definitely paying off. Everything tasted amazing and you could Jamie was very pleased with himself whenever you liked something he had made, which in this case was everything that he made.
“Oh my God,” You sighed dramatically as you finally got to taste one of those chocolate covered strawberries.
You were flat on your back, looking up to the sky while Jamie was at your side, leaning over you and propped up slightly so he could feed you the strawberry.
“Do you like it?” He asked.
“Of course,” You nodded, jumping up to take a moving bite as he was hoovering it absent-mindedly over your face but a few inches too high as he spoke.
“Well, you better! I went all the way to Brooklyn to get your favourite chocolate,” He mentioned.
“You’re amazing you know that?” You commented, looking up at him over the sky.
No sky could beat his face, to you at least.
“All I did was melt some chocolate,” He reminded, chuckling.
“No, I meant just in general,” You clarified, “Everything you do is so great. You’re just so great at everything. It’s one of the best and most annoying things about you,”
“You find it annoying?” He questioned, curious.
“Rarely, I just get jealous that you’re just so good at everything straight away. Like, take cooking for example. Last month the best you could stir up with a cold linguine and now you stirred up a literal stir fry. My favourite thing in the whole world, rivalling the one I get from my favourite place,” You explained.
“You liked it!” He smiled.
“I loved it,” You reassured, reaching up to stroke his cheek, “It was amazing just like you,” 
 “Maybe I pick things up quickly,” He gave in, “But not really good at anything while you are. Sure, I’m good at a lot of stuff but you’re really good at certain things,”
“Like what?” You entertained in disbelief.
“You’re one of the best detectives out of all the detectives of heard of, seen and or worked with,” He offered, “You just have a natural born knack for all the skills you need to be a great cop. Your smart, brave, intuitive, analytical and adaptable,”
“Adaptable?” You questioned.
“I meant adaptable in a way that you change our approach depending on the situation you find yourself in or the people your within said situation,” He clarified.
“Oh,” You nodded, “I guess,”
“I hate that,” Jamie sighed.
“What?” You demanded.
“I hate it that you can never accept any of my compliments,” He informed, “It's like you don’t believe it,” “Well, it would be pretty conceded if I just agreed with you,” You commented.
“Then you deflect with a sarcastic and or generally depreciating comment,” He observed and added.
“Compliments make me feel awkward,” You confessed.
“I know but everything I say is the truth and you need to start believing it,” He said, stroking your cheek with his thumb as he leant over you, blocking any view of the sky behind him.
“Then you need start accepting my compliments when I say them to you,” You insisted.
“I do,” He countered, “I completely agree that I’m intelligent, handsome, daring and great at everything,”
“Now you sound like me,” You giggled.
“Did it sound arrogant?” He teased to which you responded by hitting him playfully, “I’m sorry. I’m just joking,”
“I think we both know that I’m the funny one in this relationship,” You commented, patting his arm sympathetically.
“Funny looking,” He quipped.
“Wow,” You breathed, “It’s like we’ve been transported back into the seventh grade,”
“Seriously though,” Jamie started seriously, “I need you to think that your as incredible as I do,”
“I’ll try,” You reassured.
“That’s all I ask.” He grinned, “So what do think of the date so far?”
“So far?” You questioned, “There's more?”
“Of course there is,” He grinned kissing you before standing up and then helping you up as well.
“Jamie this is too much,” You sighed still holding his hand with one hand and dusting yourself off.
“What do you mean too much? ” He asked, pulling you close, wrapping his arms around your neck and bending his knees slightly so he was at eye level with you, “This time last month you spent the morning playing football and then the whole afternoon watching a football game. It's the least I can do,”
“Buts that's because it was your date,” You argued.
“And today is yours,” He countered as if it was obvious.
“But it's not just my date,” You reminded, “It's our anniversary date too,”
“I know, which is why because I knew you would insist on it. Little perks for myself,” He reassured.
“It's not underwear again is it?” You shuddered.
“Do you think that little of me?” He questioned.
You shrugged teasingly.
“No, it's not underwear,” He chuckled, “It's even better,”
He bent down carefully, so not to drag you down with him, and pulled a portable stereo from out of the basket. Swiftly he plugged his phone in and the speakers crackled slightly to indicate the connection.
“What's going…,” You went to ask only to be interrupted as Jamie put a finger to his lips silently.  
He continued to hold your hand as he places the stereo on a nearby tree stump. He pressed a button and music you began to swell. You recognised it immediately.
“Jamie,” You sighed, shaking your head as he kissed your hand.
It was your song.
“Care to dance?” He asked, pulling you closer.
“You’re insane,” You commented but you moved your hands to correct the position so you could slow dance.
“I know what you want me to say,” He chuckled, “And I’m not falling it for this time,”
“Go on,” You teased before prompting him, “Say it,”
“For you?” He questioned.
“For me,” You grinned cheekily.
“Okay,” He obliged, suddenly spinning you around and dipping you, in time perfectly with the song, “I’m only crazy about you,”
“Aww,” You squealed, as he pulled you back up again and you began to dance again.
“Why do you like that so much?”He inquired, tucking some of your flyaway hairs behind your ear.
“It’s just reassurance that you feel as crazy about me as I do about you,” You confessed.
“You don’t think I’m crazy about you?” He countered.
“Well, I know you like me…” You began to say.
“I love you,” He corrected.
“Hell, you’re crazy about me,” You agreed before continuing as you placed your chin on his shoulder as you began to sway, “But sometimes I fell like I have stronger feelings for you than you do for me,”
“Now, you just sound crazy,” He reassured, “Y/N from the second I met you I’ve been in love with you. Hell, I’ve always been crazy about you and I still am. Alway will be,”
“I know,” You said.
“Then why do you need reassurance?” He pondered.
“Because I don’t always believe it,” You admitted.
“I’m not going to leave you,” He reassured once again.
“I know,” You repeated kissing his cheek before resting on his shoulder again and looking at the forest that surrounded you.
He whispered that he loved you and kissed the side of your head. You returned that favour but you kissed him properly. You both swayed as the music continued the play. Progressing from your song to others that you both loved. You were in blissful silence. It was almost perfect except for the fact that Jamie seemed a little tense like he was nervous or something. Every time you went to go see if he was okay he would kiss you and that was enough. Also though the music was on, you could still hear all the hustle and bustle of the forest. The bugs, the birds, and the leaves rustling in the wind, but there was something else as well. An irregularity, every once in a while you could hear it.
It was coming from behind you so you tactfully got Jamie to turn around so you were facing said direction. Your eyes had been closed and when you opened them you could have sworn that you saw a shadow go by. The shock of it caused you to misstep and step on Jamie’s foot.
“Y/N,” He sputtered, swallowing back the pain.
“Sorry,” You apologised quickly, “I got distracted,”
“Care to explain the reason as to why?” He inquired, as you began dancing again.
“I was just thinking,” You offered, shaking what you had thought you’d seen off.
“About?” He asked.
“You…us,” You offered.
“What about us or me even?” He probed further.
“I was just thinking about our future,” You said, which wasn’t a lie because you had.
“Really?” He grinned.
“Yeah, I was thinking about if we would still dance like this when we’re fifty or something,” You informed.
“You know how much I like dancing, of course, we will,” He insisted.
“You are surprisingly good at it,” You commented.
“What can I say? Dancing class pays off,” He chuckled.
“Still can’t believe your mom sent you to that,” You giggled.
“And I’ll never forget,” He sighed, “Danny and Joe never let me forget,”
You continued to laugh as you both descended into fits of it. Your eyes connected and he started kissing you. It was intense over brief like all the other kisses you had had tonight. You continued to hear the irregular sound but you were caught up. Jamie continued to kiss you and it didn’t seem like he was stopping. His hands were at your waist and yours were around his neck. He was applying much more force than you were. Your back was bending much back as he continued to press himself against you.
“Jamie,” You breathed, pulling away.
“Shh,” He whispered, grabbing hold of your hands and pulling you down gently.
You found yourself lying on the back on the blanket and then Jamie got on top of you. You could feel yourself blushing like it was the first time, even though you had done this so many times before. You still got butterflies when he told you he loved you, or when you made out or even when he called you beautiful.
You probably would have been as into it as Jamie clearly was if you didn’t keep hearing the unusual rustling coming from the bushes. You tried to ignore it, listening to the music instead but it was getting louder and you honestly couldn’t understand how Jamie couldn’t hear it.
“Can you hear that?” You asked, pulling away and leaning up to your elbows.
“No,” He said, catching his breath.
“Seriously?” You questioned, looking around as much you could.
“It’s probably just a squirrel,” He suggested, before leaning in again to make out.
You participated, trying to believe that he was right. But just in case you weren’t. You made the both of you roll over so know you were lying on top of him. Tucking your hair behind your ear, you kissed him this time. You know he liked it when you were on top. Your kisses began trailing down his jawline and his neck in an attempt to focus on what was important.
Jamie.
“I think we need to stop,” Jamie said, breaking away.
“We are alone,” You reminded, with a wink.
“You were always the smart one,” He agreed, sitting up and wrapping his arms around you so you were basically sitting on his lap.
“Says the one that went to Harvard,” You teased.
“Details,” He played off before kissing you for the umpteenth time.
Jamie had a habit of kissing you whenever he was nervous or avoiding or even hiding something from you. His way of keeping you occupied and possibly he found it comforting. But your mind was so pre-occupied with this mysterious rustling you kept hearing that you didn’t even have time to even process it.
The noise was getting louder and you couldn’t ignore it and then it suddenly stopped. Your eyes were closed so you opened them and what you saw was a man watching the two of you from the edge of the clearing. As soon as you spotted him you stopped and as soon as he spotted that you had noticed him, he started taking off in the opposite direction.
From that moment you were out of girlfriend mode and into cop mode. You basically and practically jumped off Jamie and took off running after the mysterious man, just knowing that something was wrong. Your hand flew to your holster and piece. Jamie shouted after you but you knew he was running right behind you. You caught a couple of glimpses of the running man but he went around a bend and you lost him.
You stopped to catch your breath, knowing he was gone and there was no chance of you catching up with him. Jamie skidded up next to you after a couple of seconds.
“Y/N, what the hell?” He panting.
But you didn’t answer.
“Is that…?” You pointed out, gesturing a couple of feet to where you both were.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jamie commented instinctively without thinking.
“That’s a dead body isn’t it,” You sighed.
“Of course it is,” Jamie sighed exasperatedly. 
From there, things went into high speed. You stayed with the body while Jamie went and got help as there wasn’t any signal. A bunch of park rangers soon came up and you could tell that they had no idea what to do. The park you were at was hardly a crime hotspot, it was more like a Nanny hotspot. You identified yourself as a Detective and suggested calling the nearest police department only to find that their homicide squad had gone to training weekend and their night squad was definitely not qualified to handle this type of investigation. Especially when the Rangers came back to you and told you that one of the cameras on one of the five entrances to get here had caught a man that matched the one you had described bringing in a bag, big enough for a body the previous night.
You contacted the neighbouring police force but roadworks meant it would take them hours to get here, especially at this time with all the weekend traffic. It became slowly evident that you were going to have to handle this until someone within the jurisdiction could assume responsibility. Things got even more pressing once it was discovered that it had been made clear that your man hadn’t left the area was most likely to still be in the park.
Once you received permission to run the operation to smoke your suspect out, you got to work. You called all the uniforms that could run to the park from the local precinct as well as the park rangers. Your own squad back at SVU were attempting to get here to assist. Everyone was designated an area, the park was put on lockdown to prevent escape. Despite the limited numbers you put everyone into pairs as judging from the state your victim was left in, it was clear whoever you were dealing with was violent.
Around an hour after discovering the body, you and Jamie found yourselves armed with flashlights trekking through the forest. You knew this place like the back of your hand so you took the lead, not to mention the fact that you were technically the senior officer out of the two of you.
“I’m sorry J,” You said, breaking the silence.
“Why are you apologising?” He countered, “It’s not like you killed the guy,”
“I meant I’m sorry for ruining your date…again,” You clarified.
“You didn’t ruin it,” He reminded, “All these criminals we always seem to stumble on to do,”
“Well, then I’m sorry for always attracting them to our dates or everything I like attracting them,” You corrected, “Either way I’m sorry,”
“I can’t be angry at you for being a great detective,” He commented, “I’d be pissed all the time if I did that,”
“Then why are you angry?” You inquired, sensing that something was wrong, he had been tense before and now he seemed much more bothered by this whole situation that you would have anticipated him to be, “Why is all this bothering you so much?”
“It's just…just that…” He struggled before offering, “Tonight wasn’t supposed to go like this,”
“I would hope not,” You tried to lighten.
“It’s just that we should be doing something completely different, right now not hunting down a killer in the middle of the night!” He exclaimed, even more, bothered than you had originally thought.
“Like doing it?” You winked.
“I would have hoped so,” He continued, so wound up that he didn’t even process what he was saying.
“Jamie I know this isn’t how you wanted tonight to go…” You began.
“You can say that again,” He muttered, restlessly as he kicked at some twigs on the ground.
“But we can raincheck and resume all of this some other time,” You suggested, continuing.
“And what take down a drug cartel next?” He huffed.
“Jamie,” You scolded, “What’s going on with you?”
“I just want one of my dates to go off without a criminally related hitch,” He sighed.
“The first one did,” You reminded.
“Not really,” He said.
You tossed him a confused look.
“That restaurant we went to totally ripped me off. It was basically theft,” He gave in and played along.
“Think of it this way,” You began to suggest, “At least we’re spending time together,”
“I guess it’s better than nothing,” He agreed, “I just wish it wasn’t so cold, damp and dark,”
“It’s not too bad,” You offered, “It’s sort of romantic,”
“Late night trudging through the mud, what else could be more romantic?” He countered, sarcastically.
“If we were doing it naked,” You nodded, trying to be serious for comedic effect.
“I like the way you think,” Jamie chuckled, finally lightening up a little.
“I know,” You giggled before prompting, “Come on, the quicker we catch this guy the quicker we can go home and sleep,”
“Now that’s romantic,” Jamie joked before a sudden noise up ahead silenced the two of you.
You motioned to switch your flashlights off as not to draw attention to yourselves. You put your finger to your lips and crept forward. You saw in the distance and moonlight, your suspect pacing and crying as he ranted about what seemly to be the crime he just committed. This guy was clearly unstable and taking him down would be a task as he was clearly erratic and you assume armed. You turned around and summed Jamie closer. He quickly obliged and peered over, seeing what just had.
“What do you want to do?” He whispered as you both took a step back.
“You stay here, I’m going to go talk to him,” You replied in a smilier hushed tone as you shifted you let back so your holster was behind it.
“What?” He hissed.
“Shh,” You hushed, before taking a step forward and gesturing for him to get out of sight.
You crept forward and you kept taking quiet steps towards him.
“Hi there,” You said casually, taking steps down towards him.
You didn’t really have a plan going in. You just decided to do what you always did, be bold and overconfident to a point that no one could question your idea. It was going well enough, he was still pointing a sharp bloodied butcher's knife at you but you tried to make him trust you enough to lower it.
You don’t really know what happened but you assume that either one of the park rangers or uniforms had stumbled upon Jamie and had accidentally snapped a twig on the ground because your guy got all jumpy as soon as he heard a noise.
He accused of you tricking him and got jumpy. He came after you with the knife and dodged it quickly but he came after you again with surprising speed.
“Y/N,” You heard Jamie shout as he jumped the little dip towards you both.
Your suspect suddenly grabbed you and held the knife to your throat as Jamie and a park ranger came into view, levelling their guns at your suspects head and coincidentally yours.
“NYPD!” They both shouted at the both of you.
“Back off,” He demanded.
“Drop the knife,” Jamie countered, his eyes violently going from you to the man holding a knife to your throat.
You could feel the blade pressing into your neck. You closed your eyes as the pain started to hit.
“You don’t want to do this,” You whispered, before reasoning, “If you kill me, they’ll kill you. And if you do that they can’t prove that you didn’t kill Emily,”
Jamie gave you a confused look.
“I didn’t kill her,” He insisted yet again.
“And I’ll help you prove that like I promised,” You offered.
“How?” He demanded, holding you even tighter.
“My boyfriend he’s a lawyer, he went to Harvard and everything,” You admitted truthfully.
“He’ll help?” He softens.
“Not if you kill me,” You reminded.
“Right,” He nodded, his grip loosening and the knife.
“Drop the weapon,” The park ranger repeated again, clearly helpless on what to say from besides from keep the gun levelled at the two of you.
“I was about too!” He shouted, “Why do they keep on shouting at me?”
“I don’t know,” You admitted, shooting the ranger a death stare.
“Everyone is always shouting at me,” He ranted, “Emily was always shouting at me!”
“Is that why killed her?” The ranger questioned.
“Will you shut up Officer?” You snapped, fidgeting.
“Detective…” He went to say.
“Detective?” He questioned, “You’re a cop? You lied to me!”
“No, I…” You began only to be interrupted by the sharp pressing of the knife into your neck.
Enough to draw blood.
That’s when two sharp and precise gunshots went off. You and your hostage taker fell to the ground. You clutched your neck and your suspect howled in pain. He was clutching his knees that had been bleeding profusely. Jamie had shot your suspect in both knees to subdue him. It was only a couple of seconds of realisation before Jamie scooped you up into his arms.
“Are you okay?” He asked gently, holding onto you, his hands on your cheeks as he gave you the once over, wincing at the sight of your neck.
You nodded, attempting to look back as other officers started to swarm.
“No, just keep looking at me,” Jamie insisted, pulling you into him.
“Did you shoot him?” You spluttered.
Jamie nodded this time.
“In the knee?” You continued.
“Both knees,” He added.
“That was pretty hot,” You commented jokingly.
He laughed as you both stood up together and he began leading you towards the main entrance, telling you that their would be an ambulance waiting.
Around twenty minutes later, you were sitting in the back of an ambulance, wrapped in an emergency blanket. You were drinking something warm as by this time it was the middle of the night probably early morning so it was awfully cold.
“Happy Anniversary,” Jamie announced, walking up to the ambulance and taking a seat beside you.
“What?” You questioned.
“It’s officially our anniversary. It’s 1:001:00 ame clarified.
“I completely forgot,” You admitted.
“I wouldn’t expect anything else,” He chuckled.
“I’m sorry Jamie,” You whispered.
“Why are you sorry?” He asked, wrapping an arm around you.
“Because I ruin everything,” You insisted.
“No, you just have something about you that attracts crime solving and criminals,” He teased.
“Next time we’re taking down a drug cartel,” You joked, “Be prepared.”
“I always am when I’m with you,” He winked.
“Do you want to raincheck tonight?” You asked.
“If we do we’ll probably end up taking down that drug cartel,” He laughed.
“I’m sorry,” You said again.
“Y/N, if think that I’ve accepted that when I’m with you anything can happen. You’re an incredible cop and the universe probably sends you these things because it knows you can handle them. If that ranger had kept his mouth shut you probably would have talked him down,” He comforted.
“The universe?” You questioned, skeptically, “You sound like me,”
“I intended too,” Jamie revealed, “My logic can’t explain all of this so I used yours,”
“You’re probably going to have to do that a lot,” You commented.
“I know and I hope that I’ll be able to do it for the rest of my life,” He agreed.
“What do you mean?” You asked.
“This isn’t how I wanted it to happen,” He confessed, “I had planned this whole thing. And everything was perfectly suited to you,”
“How so?”
“Well, it was here for one,your favourite place, your favourite song was playing which is also our song, at your favourite time of day, sunset,” He explained, “I know your favourite number is thirteen and that your favourite day out of the whole year is Christmas eve. So I thought what better day to ask you than the eve of our thirteenth anniversary here with all that other stuff,”
“Ask me what?” You inquired.
“To marry me,” He stated, reaching inside his pocket and pulling out a small box.
“What?” You demanded, so utterly shocked that it was probably a good thing that you were wearing a shock blanket.
“Will you do me the honour of marrying me?” He asked, officially, opening the box the presenting to you his mothers ring,
“Of course I will,” You nodded, tears spilling down your cheeks as he shakily slipped the ring onto your finger.
“I love you so much,” He beamed, as he pulled you close for a hug and a kiss.
“I love you too,” You cried, wiping your tears.
“You didn’t mind me asking here or today do you?” He asked to make sure.
“No, it was perfect,” You reassured, “I promise,”
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