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bombiikki · 2 months ago

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𝖎 𝖉on't 𝖊ven 𝖑ike 𝖞ou 𝖙hat 𝖒uch ⸝⸝ 𓂃₊ ⊹

⋆˙⟡ — non idol!minji x fem!reader

♯ 𝖘ynopsis : you never would’ve thought to find yourself bonding over some apple cider with someone—and all it took was your dormmate dr

𝖈ontains : small angst, reader has an ex, drinking is mentioned, situationship???, bascially js friends with benefits, reader confesses early on but they dont do nothin abt it, well they do kiss like 3 times after but its ok cuz no homo, except theres a whole lotta homo activity, hanni is reader's dormmate

𝖜ord 𝖈ount : 9.2k

𝖆uthor's 𝖓ote : ugh this wasnt proofread at all and i was so gonna scrap it but EHHH ITS WHATEVERRR i liek the idea i js dont think i executed it well enough. sighssss (i totally rushed this but i lkw cant be bothered to fix it im so sorry) (ill write another minji fic soon to amke up for whatever this was)

. ♬ ݁˖ 𝖓ow 𝖕laying — apple cider by beabadoobee

you hadn’t really gone out since the breakup.

the breakup wasn’t exactly dramatic either. not in the movie-scene way. there were no screaming matches, no shattered mugs or slamming doors. it was the type of breakup with a quiet ending—one that left everything and nothing at the same time.

you still saw her sometimes—your ex—in the quad or at the coffee stall by the library. you didn’t talk, of course. you just noticed her presence the way you’d notice a bruise on your thigh—dull, lingering. fading, but not gone.

you’d been existing more than living lately. floating between lectures and your dorm bed, skipping anything loud or social or messy. hanni, your dormmate, hadn’t stopped trying. she left you sticky notes and poked her head in every other night with some new plan.

“you need to touch grass,” she said one afternoon, perched upside down on her bed like her blood belonged in her head. “you’re turning pale and tragic.”

“i’m always pale,” you muttered, typing something pointless on your laptop.

“exactly,” she said, flipping upright with purpose. “come out with me tonight. nothing intense. just food. some of the girls from my dance classes. you’ll like them.”

“do i have to talk?”

“only if you want more rice.”

you pretended to grumble, but the truth was, you’d already said yes in your silence. part of you knew hanni was right. hiding didn’t help. sulking didn’t soften anything. so you said okay. put on your jumper—the old faded one with a sun stitched near the sleeve—and followed her out into the night.

the restaurant was tucked into a narrow street just off campus. warm, golden lights spilled out of fogged windows. laughter echoed from inside. the scent of grilled meat and garlic hit you before you stepped through the door.

you tried not to shrink in on yourself as you slid into the booth. hanni’s friends greeted you like you’d always been there. it wasn’t so bad. it was warm and noisy, and no one expected you to be interesting.

and then she walked in.

minji.

someone called her name, and that’s how you knew it. minji. it fit her.

she slid into the space across from you like she’d always belonged there. her hair was half-tied, a few strands falling into her face. lip gloss smudged a little at the corner. she laughed at something someone said, low and honeyed, and when her eyes landed on you—just for a second—it felt like someone knocked the wind out of your lungs.

“you’re hanni’s roommate, right?” she asked halfway through the meal, her voice soft under the noise.

you nodded. “y/n.”

“i like your jumper.”

you blinked. “thanks.”

it was nothing. a throwaway compliment. said in passing. but the way she looked at you when she said it—it stayed. like she meant it. like it wasn’t just about the jumper.

you caught yourself glancing at her through the rest of dinner. she was so… easy. like she belonged in rooms like this. loud ones. happy ones. and she didn’t shrink when people spoke to her—she leaned in. smiled. answered. you used to be like that, you thought. or maybe you just wanted to be.

you ended up walking back with hanni. minji went in a different direction.

“she’s pretty,” you said, trying to sound casual.

hanni glanced over at you with a knowing look. “mhmm.”

“i’m not—”

“i didn’t say anything.” she grinned. “but if you’re gonna start wearing that jumper every day, at least wash it once in a while.”

you rolled your eyes but said nothing.

and yeah. you wore the jumper again the next day. and the day after that.

you saw minji again in a literature lecture, a few rows ahead. she glanced back as you walked in, offering a little wave. your heart stuttered like it didn’t know how to beat properly anymore.

you didn’t know what this was. or if it was even anything. you just knew it felt new. and maybe a little dangerous.

you tucked your sleeves over your hands and looked down at your notebook.

you didn’t look up again for the rest of the lecture.

the thing about invite-only parties was that no one actually cared who invited who. maybe it started exclusive, but somewhere between the third repost on someone’s story and the promise of free drinks, the whole campus decided they were invited too.

the party was everything you’d expected and nothing like you imagined.

it was too loud, and too many people were crammed into the living room, red cups in hand, bodies swaying too close, too eager. music pulsed from the speakers, the bass thumping so hard it rattled your chest. you could feel it in your throat, deep and hollow.

hanni was already halfway through the door when she turned back to you, eyes sparkling. “you ready to make bad decisions?”

you didn’t answer, just followed her inside, your sneakers sticking to the floor with each step.

“hey, y/n!” someone greeted you, someone from your economics class, and you offered a half-smile. you were fine with being there—just not too here. not where everything felt too fast, too sticky with cheap alcohol and messy socialising. you’d rather have been back in your dorm, tucked up with a book, far away from this.

but hanni dragged you deeper into the crowd, and before you knew it, you were holding a cup of something—beer, maybe? you didn’t care enough to check.

and then you saw her.

minji was standing by the kitchen counter, talking to someone, but her eyes met yours across the room. for a second, there was nothing but her gaze—soft, like she was trying to figure you out. you smiled, uncertain, and she returned it, before turning back to the conversation.

it felt like you’d been staring at her forever, but then someone nudged you, and you were suddenly aware of how hot and cramped the space was.

“let’s find somewhere to sit,” hanni said, already heading for the couch.

you followed, but your eyes flicked to the kitchen where minji still stood. the crowd felt so loud now.

you sipped from your cup, unsure if the taste was even pleasant or just something you were doing to blend in. hanni’s voice bubbled up beside you, but your mind was elsewhere, distracted by the way minji was laughing again, easy, like it was just part of who she was.

it was then that you realised—you didn’t want to just blend in. you wanted to be part of something here.

you made yourself move. you weren’t sure if you were making a choice or if it was just what happened when someone like minji looked at you like that.

when you reached the kitchen, minji was there, holding a bottle of something—but it wasn’t the kind of drink you were expecting.

“apple cider,” she said, offering you a bottle like she’d been waiting for you.

you blinked. “apple cider?”

“yeah,” she smiled. “it’s the non-alcoholic thing here. and it’s hella good too.”

you laughed, sudden and real. “i thought i was the only one not trying to burn my throat tonight.”

she leaned against the counter beside you, eyes flicking around the room like she was only half-interested in the chaos.

“i don’t like the taste of alcohol,” she admitted. “makes my tongue feel like sandpaper.”

“you’ve tasted sandpaper?”

“no. but i imagine it feels like regret and tequila.”

you snorted into your drink. “accurate.”

someone bumped into your back, a spill of music and limbs, but minji didn’t flinch. she just shifted a little closer, her shoulder brushing yours. the air between you smelled like fruit punch and cheap perfume and something soft, like home wrapped in a cardigan.

“so,” she said, voice quieter now. “you come to these things often?”

you shook your head. “first one this year.”

“why?”

you looked at your bottle. “dormmate peer pressure.”

she grinned. “same. let me guess—hanni?”

“you too?”

“she dragged me out by the collar.”

you both laughed, and for a moment, the party faded into background noise. there was only this little bubble of fizz and warmth and matching drinks.

“so what do you do when you’re not drinking apple cider at loud parties?” she asked.

you shrugged. “read. avoid drama. overthink texts for hours. you?”

“draw on my notes. people-watch. make unnecessarily long playlists.”

“i do that too.”

“oh? long playlists?”

“no, the unnecessarily part.”

the conversation drifted, and you found yourself talking about little things, about classes, about family. about why you ended up in university, why you stayed in your head so much.

it was easy. like talking to someone who already understood you, without needing to say everything.

as the party stretched deeper into the night, bodies pressing in every direction and the noise swelling once more, minji glanced your way—and for a fleeting moment, it felt like you were the only two in the world.

“this is the best part of the night,” she said, her eyes soft, almost private. “when it’s quiet. when you’re just…”

“here?” you finished for her.

she nodded.

“yeah,” you said, laughing quietly. “just here.”

minji looked at you like she was trying to memorise your laugh. you looked back like you were trying not to notice.

and maybe the party kept going. maybe the music got louder and the room got fuller and the air got heavier. but here, in this tiny corner of too much everything, the world felt quieter.

it was just you. her. and the apple cider fizzing gently between your fingertips.

the party felt like a blur the next morning—apple cider fizz still tingling on your tongue, minji’s laugh tucked somewhere behind your ribs. you hadn’t stayed late. neither had she. but you’d left together, weaving through the spill of people and laughter like two ghosts slipping out of a dream.

and then, hours later, the dream still clung to your shoulders.

the café smelled like toasted bagels and burnt espresso, the kind of scent that clung to your jumper long after you’d left. minji was already there when you arrived, tucked into the corner seat by the window, hands wrapped around a paper cup.

she looked up, smiled like you were someone she’d been hoping would come.

you tugged at your sleeves, tried not to seem like you’d rushed here.

“morning,” you said, voice still rough around the edges.

“you came,” she said, and it wasn’t teasing—it was soft, almost surprised.

“you asked.”

you ordered something sweet, because you didn’t feel like pretending that morning. she watched you, elbow resting on the table, chin in her palm.

“you always wear that jumper,” she said as you sat.

you glanced down. it was the same one from the party. and the kbbq. and every day since the kbbq.

“you said you liked it.”

she blinked, then smiled wider. “i still do.”

“thanks,” you said. “it’s my favourite now.”

her smile turned sly. “wonder why.”

you looked away, hid your face behind your cup.

minji sat across from you, stirring her drink with a wooden stick, eyes half-lidded with sleep.

"did you not sleep well last night?" you asked, voice still scratchy from lack of sleep.

she cracked one eye open. “am i that obvious?”

“you looked like you lost a fight with your pillow.”

minji snorted. “you should’ve seen the pillow.”

the café was quiet, just a few students nursing hangovers and deadlines. the sunlight spilled through the window, catching on the strands of her hair. there was still a bit of sleep in her eyes, but she was there, and she was real, and she was easy to talk to in the way that most people weren’t.

she told you about her morning routine. you told her about the time hanni mistook salt for sugar in her tea and still pretended it tasted fine out of pride.

you both laughed. people around you faded.

you didn’t realise how much time had passed until she checked the time and muttered, “shit, lit’s in ten.”

you groaned. “we’re not running.”

“we are absolutely running.”

and you didn’t run, not really. it was more like a fast walk that dissolved into laughter halfway through campus. minji complained about the weight of her tote bag. you offered to carry it. she declined.

“it’s full of bad poetry,” she said. “you’ll lose brain cells.”

“so, your writing?”

she gasped. “rude! absolutely unforgivable. i liked you.”

you grinned, breathless as you reached the doors of the lecture hall. she held it open for you.

inside, you both slipped into your usual seats—side by side now. she pulled out her notebook. you tried not to look at the messy stars she’d drawn across the front cover.

professor cho started talking about virginia woolf. you started taking notes. she didn’t. halfway through, she nudged your knee with hers, gently, like punctuation.

you didn’t say anything. just smiled to yourself and kept writing.

it started slow, like a ripple that spread without you even noticing. a missed text. an unspoken word. the kind of quiet that wasn’t peaceful, but suffocating.

you didn’t want to feel it, but you couldn’t stop. the weight of everything you’d been trying to push away suddenly slammed into you—sharp, unforgiving.

it was stupid, really. you'd told yourself you were fine, that you'd moved on. but here you were again, alone in your dorm with your thoughts tangled in things you’d rather forget. memories of your ex fluttered like moths in your mind, whispering soft words you used to hold close.

you didn’t want to stay in your head any longer.

“come on,” hanni’s voice broke through the haze of your thoughts. “we’re going out to another party. you need some air.”

she didn’t give you a choice. before you could even protest, she was dragging you out the door.

you’d almost said no. almost told her you’d rather stay curled up in the silence, but you knew you wouldn’t. you’d rather be anywhere than stuck inside with the ache that made your chest feel heavy.

you pulled on your favourite jumper—the one that had started to feel like a shield, something familiar to hide behind—and followed hanni out into the night.

the party was already in full swing when you arrived. loud, chaotic, people spilling out of every corner, as if everyone on campus had come together to erase whatever was eating at them. you could hear laughter, music, the sound of bodies moving through the night.

hanni slipped away into the crowd, already lost to the night. you didn’t try to find her. instead, you wandered toward the drinks table, eyes scanning the bottles, trying to avoid looking at the brightly coloured cider at the edge.

apple cider.

you would’ve gotten yourself a bottle of it by now and avoid everyone drinking their night away. but grief has a way of picking its own night to show up uninvited. and tonight, it showed up in waves, steady and bitter, like a song you didn’t want to hear but couldn’t turn off.

so you chose to drink your night away too. you grabbed something strong. vodka, maybe? gin? it didn’t matter. it was the burn you needed, the fire that would drown out the ache in your chest.

you didn’t know how much you drank or how quickly. only that it helped, for a while. the warmth in your belly spread through you, making everything feel lighter, like you could float above the crowd instead of being crushed by it.

but it wasn’t enough. nothing would be.

the world swayed around you, and you stumbled through the party, searching for something to hold onto.

your mind felt fuzzy, but there was a clarity in the way everything started to blur. maybe you’d been avoiding this feeling for too long. maybe the alcohol was just the excuse to finally let yourself miss her—to finally admit you hadn’t let go.

you stepped outside, needing the cold air to clear your head, but it didn’t help much. the wind bit at your skin, but the ache inside was worse.

you leaned against the railing of the balcony, the city lights twinkling below like distant stars that didn’t care about your pain. the cold seeped into your bones, but it was better than the suffocating warmth inside.

you didn’t realise someone had followed you until you heard the quiet sound of footsteps behind you.

“y/n?”

you turned, startled. it was minji, standing a few feet away, her eyes wide with confusion.

“what are you doing out here?” she asked softly, her voice barely rising over the distant thrum of the party.

you didn’t really know how to answer. the words felt stuck in your throat, but somehow, they came out anyway.

“i’m drunk,” you said, with a humourless laugh. “didn’t realise how much, but here we are.”

“i thought you hated alcohol,” she said quietly.

you gave a short laugh, sharp and flat. “i do.”

“so why are you drinking it like it's water?”

you didn’t answer right away. didn’t want to. but her voice was gentle, and her hand hovered just close enough to yours that it almost felt like safety.

“i miss someone,” you said eventually. “and i thought if i burned enough of my throat, she’d stop showing up in my head.”

minji didn’t say anything. just stood beside you, solid and warm.

“we broke up a while ago. i never talk about her. doesn’t mean i don’t think about her.”

minji didn’t push you further. she just nodded, her gaze soft, like she was seeing something she didn’t want to but couldn’t look away from.

for a long moment, neither of you spoke. you just stood there, the night wrapping around you, the cold air biting at your skin.

you took a deep breath, swallowing down the lump in your throat. you hadn’t meant to say it, hadn’t planned on it, but the words slipped out anyway.

“i miss her so much,” you whispered, barely audible, like the confession itself hurt too much to speak.

minji’s gaze didn’t shift. she didn’t offer some perfect piece of advice. she didn’t tell you to move on or forget. she just stood there, still and quiet, like she was letting you be with your pain for a while.

you leaned a little closer to her, the alcohol still buzzing in your veins, but it wasn’t enough to numb the ache inside.

“your hair smells like fruit punch,” you murmured, your voice soft, almost playful in the midst of everything.

minji blinked, a small smile tugging at her lips. “and you smell like straight up booze,” she replied, her voice a little gentler now, a little warmer.

you laughed, a sound that felt like it had been trapped in your chest for far too long. the tension between you lightened, if only for a moment.

you stayed there for a while, not saying much. minji didn’t rush you. she just let you be, her presence grounding you in a way nothing else could.

“sorry,” you said, but it came out slurred, thick with something too heavy to name.

she stepped closer, arms wrapping around your frame gently, and pulled you into her chest.

“don’t apologise.”

you melted into her without thinking, the world tilting slightly as you clung to her coat like it was the last stable thing left.

“this is pathetic, right?” you muttered into her shoulder. “i don’t even like alcohol. i’m just—”

“you’re hurting,” she said, not unkindly. “people do stupid things when they’re hurting.”

you wanted to believe that. wanted to feel less stupid for chasing a buzz that barely numbed the ache.

finally, she sighed and pushed herself away from the railing. “i should get back inside. hanni’s probably looking for you.”

you nodded, not ready to let go but knowing she had to leave. she hesitated for a moment, then looked at you with a soft smile.

“don’t stay out here too long, yeah?”

you didn’t answer. just watched as she disappeared back into the party, leaving you alone with your thoughts again, the cold air mixing with the still-throbbing ache in your chest.

the party raged on inside, but here, out on the balcony, there was only the quiet, and the faint scent of fruit punch lingering in the air.

you were lying flat on your back, staring at the cracks in the ceiling like they meant something. the room spun around you in slow, deliberate circles, and your head throbbed with a pressure so sharp it made you want to cry. you weren’t sure how you got back to the dorm—just remembered your feet dragging you across campus, one hand pressed to the wall for balance, heart like a stone in your chest.

hanni was asleep now, curled into her bed across the room, soft breathing barely audible above the faint buzz in your ears. the clock glowed dimly from the desk—12:03am—its numbers blinking like they were mocking you.

your mouth was dry. your body felt heavy. and yet your mind was wide awake, buzzing like it’d been hooked to something electric.

you missed minji.

you missed her more than you’d expected to. and it wasn’t just the party or the alcohol or the cold of the balcony—it was something else. something worse. the kind of missing that made your chest ache. the kind of missing that came from a place deeper than you wanted to admit.

earlier, you couldn’t stop thinking about your ex. all you’d wanted was to drown her memory in alcohol and parties and blurred faces. but now, all you could think about was minji. her eyes in the dark. her soft laugh. the way she didn’t try to fix you, just stood beside you like she belonged there.

and you didn’t even like her that much.

wait.

your eyes fluttered shut, jaw slack.

wait, you do. fuck.

you liked her. or something like it. maybe it wasn’t full-blown love or anything dramatic. but it was something. and it was real enough to press itself into your ribs and make a home there, uninvited and warm.

your hand fumbled for your phone on the floor beside your mattress. it slipped from your fingers once, hit the ground with a dull thud, and you stifled a laugh. everything felt too loud. too quiet. too much.

the screen lit up. you scrolled through your contacts, blinking until the letters stopped blurring. minji. right there.

your thumb hovered for a second. then you pressed call.

it rang once. twice. three times. then—click.

“hello?” her voice was soft. groggy. like you had pulled her out of sleep.

you blinked up at the ceiling, lips parting slowly. “minji,” you whispered, the name sweet on your tongue. “hi.”

“y/n?” she sounded surprised. there was a beat of silence. “are you okay?”

“mm,” you hummed, shifting onto your side. “i dunno.”

another pause. she stayed on the line, waiting.

“do you remember the party?” you asked, voice thick and slow. “the balcony?”

“yeah,” she said gently.

“i liked that. with you,” you mumbled. “you make me feel... better. not good. but better.”

you heard her smile through the phone. “you’re drunk.”

“i know,” you admitted, giggling a little. “but i mean it. i think... maybe we should give this thing a try.”

there was silence. long enough that you almost forgot what you’d said. then her soft laugh filtered through the line like a song you half-remembered.

“oh, y/n,” she said, fond and amused. “you’re really drunk, huh?”

you frowned. “no i’m not. i mean yes. but i’m serious.”

she sighed, but it wasn’t annoyed—it was something closer to affectionate. “go to sleep, idiot,” she murmured. “we’ll talk in the morning.”

“okay,” you whispered, eyelids growing heavier.

“goodnight, y/n.”

“night, minji.”

the call ended, and the phone slipped from your hand.

you lay there in the dark, heart loud and messy in your chest, warmth curling behind your ribs. the alcohol dulled everything except this—the echo of her voice, the way she said your name, the way she didn’t hang up until she was sure you’d be alright.

you didn’t know what you were doing.

but you were starting to hope minji did.

you woke up with a headache that felt biblical.

your mouth was dry, your limbs sore, and your phone was tangled somewhere in your sheets like a ghost of last night. when you opened your eyes, the light leaking through the window burned straight through your skull.

hanni was gone. her bed was made, neat and untouched like she’d barely slept. maybe she hadn’t. you weren’t sure what time it was—somewhere past morning, judging by the brightness—but your body hadn’t adjusted yet. everything still felt sticky and slow.

you didn't remember walking back.

but you remembered the balcony and the way minji had looked at you like she wasn’t trying to understand you, just trying to be there.

you remembered calling her at midnight. you remembered the words slipping out of your mouth like they’d been waiting there for hours��i think we should give this thing a try. you remembered the way she laughed.

and now she wasn’t saying anything.

you hadn’t checked your phone yet. part of you was scared to. another part already knew—there would be no message. no call back. no follow-up.

and when you did see her—because of course you would—you both pretended.

she met you outside your literature lecture, same as always, clutching a warm bottle of apple cider she must’ve grabbed on the way. she smiled. casual. easy. like the night before didn’t happen. like you didn’t say something that changed everything.

“you look like hell,” she said, nudging your arm gently.

you forced a smile. “i feel worse.”

she passed you her cup. “drink. helps with the hangover.”

you took a sip. it was sweet, slightly spiced, and warm against your cold insides. you handed it back wordlessly. she didn’t say anything about the party. or the phone call. or the way your voice cracked when you said minji last night.

you walked together across campus, shoes crunching over gravel, the trees bare and bending in the wind. your hands brushed once. neither of you moved away.

during your literature lecture, she sat beside you—close enough for your knees to touch. her notes were neat and clean, and she underlined things in light green. you couldn’t focus. not really. the professor’s voice was a blur, and your mind kept drifting—kept coming back to what you said.

“let’s give this thing a try.”

you’d meant it. you were drunk, but you meant it. even now, even with your body still sore and your heart still crawling its way out of the dark, you knew it was true.

but she didn’t say anything. and you didn’t ask.

you left the lecture hall in silence. the sky above was cloudy, pale and low. she walked beside you like she always did, like nothing had changed. and maybe it hadn’t. maybe it was always going to be this—almost something.

almost.

you passed by a group of people you both knew, talking loudly about another party next week. someone mentioned cider, someone else mentioned kisses under stairwells. you felt minji glance at you, just for a second, then look away.

you wanted to scream. you wanted to pull her aside and ask her what she thought. if it meant anything. if it was real, even a little. but your mouth stayed shut.

and so did hers.

later, she touched your arm as you parted ways.

“rest up, yeah?” she said. “you still look like death.”

“thanks,” you muttered, deadpan. “that’s sweet.”

her grin came slow. soft. but there was something behind it. something small and guarded and unreadable.

you wanted to say, talk to me about it. you wanted to ask, why won’t you bring it up?

but you just nodded. turned around. walked back to your dorm where hanni had left a half-eaten sandwich on your desk and a sticky note that said drink water u absolute idiot with three underlines.

you sat on your bed, stared at your phone again. still no new messages. and in the silence, you wondered if pretending meant it would all go away. but it didn’t.

the memory stayed—her laugh, the balcony, your voice at midnight, her silence now.

and you could feel it—ticking beneath your skin, ready to explode.

you never brought it up. neither did she.

the words still sat in the space between you, waiting like they had nowhere else to be. but the longer you pretended they weren’t there, the harder they were to ignore.

minji had started acting… different. not in ways you could really point at. just—softer. warmer.

you noticed it in the way she waited for you after class now, not just outside the door but all the way down the corridor, pretending she just happened to be walking that way. in the way she offered you half her snacks even when she only had two. in the way her eyes lingered just a little longer on your face when you spoke.

and today, she’d asked if you wanted to sit outside after your lecture.

the sun was out but the wind was sharp, and the grass was a little damp, but you said yes anyway.

minji didn’t mind. she just dropped her canvas tote onto the ground and sat down cross-legged, patting the space beside her.

so you sat. and for a while, neither of you said anything.

birds chirped overhead. your shoes brushed lightly together. minji tipped her face up to the sky, eyes closed.

“your hair’s a bit messy,” she said quietly.

you looked at her, startled. “what?”

she turned to you and reached out, fingers brushing over your fringe, tucking a few strands behind your ear. “there,” she murmured. “fixed.”

your skin burned where she’d touched you.

“you’ve got nice hair,” she added, a little more casually this time, as if she hadn’t just short-circuited your whole nervous system.

you didn’t know what to say to that. you were still trying to recover from her fingers brushing against your cheek.

“thanks,” you said, and hoped your voice didn’t sound too breathless.

minji smiled at the grass like she hadn’t noticed anything. “you’re welcome.”

you tried not to look at her lips. you tried not to think about how close you were sitting. you failed.

the wind lifted a corner of your sleeve and she gently tugged it back into place. you were cold, and she must’ve noticed, because a few moments later she offered her jacket wordlessly, holding it out with both hands.

you stared at her.

“i’m fine,” you said, voice quieter than before.

“you’re shivering,” she said. “take it.”

you took it. you wore it.

it smelled like the faint sweetness of her shampoo with a subtle floral smell to it too.

you sat like that, talking about nothing and everything. you talked about the way you hated your 9am’s,the girl in your literature class who always showed up late and still answered every question, the weird fake duck near the campus fountain. normal things. friendly things.

but every time her arm bumped yours, every time she laughed and leaned a little closer, it didn’t feel like just friends. it felt like standing on a cliff, toes curling over the edge.

and maybe she knew that. maybe she was waiting for you to say something again.

but you were still scared. scared of what it would mean to let yourself fall. scared of how soft she made the world feel. scared of what might happen if you told her again—and this time she didn’t laugh.

so you stayed there. shoulder to shoulder. her jacket wrapped around you. the silence between you humming, like static in your chest.

you didn’t know why you kept saying yes to hanni’s invitations—to the music, to the rooms filled with too many voices and too many people and the throb of the bass in your ribs. you told yourself it wasn’t the parties that drew you in. wasn’t the alcohol either—god, never again. not the chaos or the sweat or the smoke curling in other people’s lungs.

no. you knew what it was. you knew who it was.

because no matter where the party was, no matter how late it started or how tired you felt beforehand, you always found minji there. perched somewhere quiet—on the edge of a couch, crouched on the stairs, sitting cross-legged on the floor with her back against the wall. and always with a bottle of apple cider in her hands.

you were drawn to her like tides to the moon.

tonight was no different. you spotted her in the corner of someone’s too-big lounge, the party bleeding around her in shades of red and purple and half-spilled drinks. her hair was tucked behind one ear, soft fringe resting just above her lashes.

you didn’t even think twice. you walked straight over and sat beside her.

“hey,” you said.

she looked at you and smiled. “hey.”

you let the silence sit for a while. it wasn’t awkward. it never was, not with her. but tonight, the air between you buzzed a little more like something wanted to be said.

and it was minji who said it.

“so…” she began, fingers curling around her bottle, “about that night. the call.”

you blinked. oh.

“you were drunk,” she added gently. “but you said you wanted to give this thing a try.”

you looked at your knees. “i don’t remember saying that.”

what a lie. you remembered every word.

she didn’t call you out on it.

“i like being close to you,” minji said, almost shy. “i like us. like… this. but i don’t know if i want a relationship right now.”

your heart dropped and stuttered. but you caught it and forced your voice into something cool and steady.

“good,” you said, a little too fast. “i don’t even like you that much.”

you didn’t look at her—couldn’t—because that wasn’t true. because it was easier to lie than admit how badly you wanted her.

minji hummed. she didn’t sound convinced, but she let it go.

“what if we just… i don’t know. stayed friends. but, like, closer?”

you turned to her slowly. “closer?”

she nodded, cheeks pink from either the cider or the nerves. “friends with benefits?” she said.

your mouth opened. then closed. then opened again.

“how would that even work?”

she shrugged, smiling small.

“we hang out like always. hold hands sometimes. maybe… maybe kiss too?”

your throat went dry. “kiss?”

“only if you want,” she said quickly, eyes wide. “i mean—it’s just an idea. like—i don’t want to make things weird—”

you leaned in and you kissed her.

she tasted like apple cider and lightning caught in glass—sweet, sharp, fleeting. her lips were soft, deliberate, far too careful for something that should've stayed careless.

minji held your face like a secret, not a sin. her thumb ghosted over your cheek before she kissed you again, slow and aching, like she'd dreamt of this and never dared to speak it.

when you pulled away, your chest was thudding.

minji laughed breathlessly. “so… that’s a yes, then?”

you nodded, trying not to look too dazed.

“yeah. totally. yes. friends.”

“with benefits.”

“yeah. that too.”

you both sat back, side by side, faces warm. someone in the room whooped as a new song came on. someone else knocked over a bottle. but all you could hear was the way your pulse tripped over itself when minji reached down and laced her fingers through yours like it was the most normal thing in the world.

this was fine. this was totally fine.

just friends. just kissing. just… whatever this was.

the next morning felt too normal.

sunlight spilled across the shared dorm like it hadn’t witnessed a kiss that wasn’t supposed to feel the way it did. you rolled over in your bed, the ache in your chest gentle but present. hanni was already gone for class, her side of the room neatly made, her books stacked like soldiers.

you stayed in bed for a while, eyes tracing the patterns of light on the ceiling.

you were friends with benefits now. whatever that meant.

the words sounded too clinical for what had happened last night. for the way minji had held your face in her hands like you were something to be cradled, not consumed. for the way her thumb had brushed your cheek before she kissed you again.

you got up. you dressed. you told yourself you wouldn’t overthink it.

then you saw her.

on the lawn, by the trees near the old library. she sat in the sun like she belonged to it. when she looked up and smiled, you forgot what it meant to breathe right.

you walked over, your pulse flickering in your wrists.

“hey,” you said, settling beside her on the grass.

“hey,” she echoed, eyes trailing over your face.

she didn’t say anything else. not at first.

you sat there for a moment. the breeze tugged gently at your jumper and ruffled your hair.

minji reached out, fingers brushing a strand of hair from your cheek.

“your hair’s kind of messy today.”

“i just woke up.”

she hummed. “it’s cute.”

you didn’t know what to say to that. your throat closed around words that didn’t exist yet.

“so,” you said, pretending the grass between your fingers was more interesting than her mouth. “are we really doing this?”

“doing what?” she asked, teasing.

you gave her a look. she gave you one right back.

“we said we’d try,” she said softly. “being friends. but closer.”

you glanced at her. “it already feels… close.”

minji tilted her head.

“too close?”

you weren’t sure what the right answer was.

“no,” you said. “just enough.”

she smiled again, quiet and unreadable. you wondered if she felt the way you did—like everything between you was edged with something soft and dangerous.

you talked for a while. about class. about hanni’s awful taste in cereal. about how minji was convinced she saw a ghost in the humanities building once.

and the whole time, her hand sat too close to yours on the grass.

not touching. but not not touching.

and every time you looked at her, your chest did that strange fluttery thing again.

you told yourself it didn’t mean anything.

it was just part of the arrangement. just a benefit.

the problem with feelings was that they never stayed hidden for long. not in university halls where voices echoed, where glances lingered too obviously, where everyone had too much time to notice the small things.

like the way you and minji always found each other in a room. like the way her hand brushed your back when she passed behind you. like how you always sat too close. smiled too easily.

you weren’t dating. you weren’t even really… anything.

just friends. just friends who kissed sometimes.

“you guys act like a couple.”

the words came from someone across the lunch table. you didn’t even catch who said it. one of hanni’s friends maybe. someone who’d seen you and minji sharing a laugh over shared fries and a shared bottle of apple cider.

you laughed, out of instinct. so did minji.

but her smile faltered.

you saw it. the small break in her expression. the way her eyes shifted away from yours.

“we’re not,” she said, brushing crumbs off her lap. “just close, that’s all.”

you nodded like it was obvious. like your heart hadn’t just dropped to your stomach.

when the topic shifted and laughter bubbled around you again, you stayed quiet. minji leaned back in her chair, cool and composed, but she wouldn’t meet your eyes.

you both knew it didn’t feel like friendship.

not when her pinky brushed yours under the table and your breath caught. not when her perfume clung to your clothes hours after she’d gone. not when she said your name in that soft voice she only used for you.

it was maddening.

you walked back to your dorm alone later. hanni had peeled off to get a smoothie, minji had waved goodbye like nothing was strange.

but it was strange.

you were friends. you weren’t supposed to crave her hand in yours. you weren’t supposed to look at her and wonder if she thought about kissing you again.

you weren’t supposed to want more.

but you did. god, you did.

and that terrified you.

you curled into your bed that night, blanket pulled up to your chin, eyes burning holes into the ceiling.

your phone buzzed once— a text from minji:

u home safe?

you stared at it for a long time before typing back:

yeah thanks

you didn’t add a heart. you didn’t say you missed her. but the thought clung to you like smoke.

you missed her in the space between one minute and the next. you missed her like she was already slipping away.

you were just waiting for hanni outside the café when he walked up to you. button-down shirt, too much cologne, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

you didn’t know his name. probably had a literature class together. maybe he’d seen you sit next to minji.

“hey,” he said, leaning on the low brick wall. “you’re y/n, right?”

you nodded, polite. “yeah?”

“i’ve seen you around. you’re in dr. choi’s module?”

you nodded again. he smiled like he’d already won.

“i was wondering…” he tilted his head, voice dropping a little, “are you free this saturday?”

you blinked. you weren’t expecting that. you glanced past his shoulder like hanni might save you, but she wasn’t there yet.

you opened your mouth to respond—

“she’s not,” came a voice beside you.

minji.

she stepped forward, calm but sharp around the edges. her eyes didn’t leave his.

“she’s not free. not saturday. not ever.”

you stared. so did the guy.

“who the hell are you?” he asked, scoffing. “her secretary?”

minji didn’t flinch. instead, she turned to you, grabbed your hand gently and kissed you.

right on the lips. firm. soft. sure. like she meant it.

your heart shot up to your throat. your knees went weak.

when she pulled away, she turned back to him.

“i’m her girlfriend,” she said.

he sputtered something under his breath, rolled his eyes, and walked away.

your hand was still in hers.

minji let go the second he disappeared around the corner. you were left standing there, stunned, your lips tingling, your thoughts scattered.

“…what the fuck was that?” you managed.

she shrugged, brushing hair behind her ear. “you looked uncomfortable.”

“so you kissed me?”

“like we haven't done that before. and it worked, didn’t it?” she said, too casual. but her eyes flicked away, like she couldn’t hold your gaze.

you stepped closer. “minji.”

“what?”

“you told him you were my girlfriend.”

another shrug. “he wouldn’t have left otherwise.”

“but—”

“it didn’t mean anything,” she said quickly. “just a way to get him to back off.”

the words landed with a strange thud in your chest.

right. it didn’t mean anything. except it did. it meant something to you.

you could still feel the heat of her lips on yours. you could still taste her and something soft and warm you couldn’t name.

and you weren’t sure if you were more hurt or hopeful.

you didn’t talk about the kiss. not once.

not the way her lips fit against yours like they’d always meant to be there. not the way her voice softened when she said girlfriend.

no one brought it up. not minji, not you. the tension that had pulsed under your skin for days seemed to… fade.

you were just friends again.

except she held your hand more often now. and she brushed her fingers against yours when you walked side by side. she would sit too close on the grass behind the library, your knees brushing as she passed you her half-empty can of apple cider.

except she laughed at things you didn’t even realise were funny. except her voice in the morning sounded like it was meant only for you.

the parties still came and went, lights blurring in your memory, music pulsing in your ears. but you stayed sober now. so did she—always sitting in some quiet corner, sipping the same warm cider, watching the world spin a little too fast.

you didn’t kiss again. not even once.

you didn’t need to. not when you shared everything else.

she asked about your coursework, your dreams, your favourite memories from childhood. you told her about your dog who once chewed through your school shoes and the way your mum used to sing in the kitchen when it rained.

she told you about late summer bike rides and how she couldn’t sleep unless she had her window cracked open a little.

you didn’t mind how close you sat, how her shoulder brushed against yours when you read together on the library steps, or how your hands lingered for a moment longer than necessary when you passed her something.

she made you laugh until your cheeks ached. she knew when you needed silence. she touched your wrist when you zoned out in lectures, just lightly, enough to bring you back.

and sometimes you caught yourself staring. watching the way she tapped her pen against her notes. watching the way the sunlight curved around her face like even the day was in love with her.

it hurt. not sharply. not the way your ex did, tearing through you like glass. this was duller—a quiet ache. because you knew this might be as far as you’d ever get. close, but not quite.

you’d never get to call her yours. you’d never kiss her just because you felt like it. you’d never know what it was like to love her out loud.

but she was here. she was your friend. she sat beside you, sometimes with her head on your shoulder.

and that was enough. you told yourself it was. you had her in this soft, in-between way. not a lover, but not nothing either.

you could talk to her about anything, from the stupid details of your day to the things you’d never say to anyone else. you could laugh with her, walk with her, sit with her.

and yet, you never could quite shake the feeling that the two of you weren’t really allowed to be anything more. every touch, every shared moment, felt like an unspoken agreement: this was all it could be.

sometimes you’d catch her looking at you, too. with that soft expression you couldn’t place. and you’d wonder if she felt the same pull in her chest, the same ache that curled low in your stomach. but it never came up—not once—and you were fine with that. you kept telling yourself you were fine with that.

it was enough to be close to her—to have her in your life, no matter how it was framed.

but every now and then, the thought would creep in, quiet but insistent — what if? what if she wanted more? what if you were just too afraid to admit it?

you didn’t have answers. you didn’t need to.

because for now, it was enough. and maybe that was all you could ask for.

you didn’t even want to be at the party. but there you were. the music thumped under your skin, same as always. the lights were too bright, the bodies pressed too close. but it was warm, and minji was there, and that was enough.

she found you almost instantly. or maybe you found her—you weren’t sure anymore. it always felt like the two of you drifted together by some invisible string.

“come on,” she said, nudging your elbow. “let’s do something stupid.”

you raised an eyebrow. “define stupid.”

minji grinned, eyes glittering like she’d swallowed stars. “we try actual alcohol.”

you stared at her like she’d grown a second head. “you hate alcohol.”

“so do you.”

“exactly.”

“but,” she said, holding up two little red cups filled with something suspicious and vaguely fizzy, “we hate it together.”

you laughed despite yourself. “fine. one sip.”

you clinked your cups like it was something to celebrate.

and then you both drank. and immediately gagged.

“oh my god—” you coughed, fanning your mouth. “that tastes like petrol and regret.”

minji was wheezing beside you, her face scrunched in pure betrayal. “what the hell was that?”

you wiped your mouth with your sleeve, nose wrinkled. “now how in the hell did i get drunk drinking this?”

“that’s what i’m saying. how did you manage to drink this stuff?” she asked, still making a face.

you nodded, leaning your weight against the counter behind you. “i was alone and heartbroken. leave me alone.”

minji turned to you slowly, lips quirking. “if i leave you, you’re gonna be alone and heartbroken again?”

you blinked, caught off-guard.

the party around you blurred, faded, muffled into nothing.

you looked at her—at the soft curl of her mouth and the way her eyes searched yours with something unreadable.

you swallowed.

“who said you had my heart in your hands?”

“do i?” she asked, almost too quiet.

“yeah,” you said. simple. truth.

she tilted her head, lips parted. “i thought you didn’t like me that much.”

you breathed out a shaky laugh. “well,” you muttered, “i’m a lying liar who lies. what do you want from me?”

minji stepped closer, and the space between you folded in on itself.

her voice was barely a whisper now. “a kiss?”

you didn’t answer. you didn’t need to.

you leaned in, met her halfway, and kissed her.

it wasn’t messy. it wasn’t frantic. it was soft, sure—like it was always supposed to happen.

her hand found the side of your neck, thumb brushing your jaw like she was afraid you’d disappear. you felt her smile against your mouth, and something warm bloomed in your chest.

it didn’t feel platonic. it didn’t feel casual.

it felt real. too real.

you pulled back first, blinking, trying to catch your breath.

minji was still close, her forehead nearly resting against yours.

neither of you said anything for a moment. then she laughed. quietly. breathlessly. and reached over to steal your untouched bottle of apple cider from the counter.

“let’s never do shots again.”

you nodded. “agreed.”

and maybe the world was still spinning, and the music was still too loud, but suddenly you didn’t care.

because she kissed you. and you kissed her back.

and maybe you were both liars. but this? this felt true.

the tension was unbearable. like walking through air thick with smoke—clinging to your skin, caught in your throat, leaving you breathless without even knowing why.

you were still doing it. still pretending you didn’t care. still smiling like everything was fine when the weight of everything unsaid pressed into your ribcage like a bruise.

minji hadn’t kissed you in days. she held your hand still. sat close. sent you little playlists at night and laughed at your stupid jokes like she always had. but there was space between her sentences now.

you felt it before you could name it—the shift—like something slipping between your fingers and you didn’t realise you were holding it until it was almost gone.

minji hadn’t grown cold. not exactly. but she was the slightest bit distant now—like her thoughts had moved just a little too far for you to reach. like every smile she gave you was wrapped in hesitation.

and maybe you were the same. maybe the weight of pretending had worn you both thin. maybe the silence between you wasn’t easy anymore—maybe it never really was.

“are you gonna lose another girl because you’re too scared to admit you care?”

hanni had said it casually, half-curled under her blanket, scrolling through her phone like she hadn’t just lobbed a grenade into your chest.

you froze. she didn’t mean to sound harsh. but she was right.

minji wasn’t your ex. she wasn’t the same kind of heartbreak. but she could be, if you let her slip away.

and tonight—no party, no loud music, no crowd pressing in around you—you realised how heavy the quiet could be.

just you. just minji. two bottles of cider on your desk. and a single lamp painting the room in warm gold.

you were curled up on your bed, knees pulled to your chest, while minji sat cross-legged on the floor, her back to your dresser. she looked tired. but not in a way sleep could fix.

“we haven’t talked in a while,” you said softly.

“we talk all the time,” she said, almost teasing.

“not really.”

and there it was. the truth sitting between you, unsaid.

she stared at her bottle. tilted it in slow circles.

“yeah,” she murmured. “you’re right.”

you wanted to say something clever. something that would lighten the air or make her smile. but the truth pressed against your ribs, and this time, you didn’t push it down.

“i’m scared,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. “i was so sure i couldn’t feel anything after her. after what happened. but then you showed up. and now i don’t know how to feel. or how not to.”

minji didn’t shift away. she didn’t even blink. just asked, softly, “do you still miss her?”

you closed your eyes.

“not the way i miss you when you're quiet for too long.”

minji breathed out. it sounded like a sigh and a laugh at the same time.

“you’re an idiot,” she said gently. “you kept saying you didn’t even like me that much.”

“i lied.”

minji looked up.

“i kept telling myself it was nothing. that i didn’t like you that much. but that wasn’t true. it was never true.”

you swallowed. “i just didn’t want to lose you.”

she was quiet for a long while. then—

“me too,” she said.

you blinked.

“i didn’t want to lose you either,” she went on. “you were still grieving someone else, and i didn’t want to get in the way of that. and maybe it was easier to just pretend, like… friends. no feelings. no risk.”

she gave a small laugh. “but we suck at pretending, don’t we?”

you nodded. your throat ached.

“i kept thinking,” she said, “that if i didn’t say anything, we’d stay fine. that we’d stay close. but it hurt anyway. even when we were holding hands or sharing a bed or laughing like idiots at 2am… it hurt.”

you shifted to the edge of the bed, leaning your arms on your knees. minji looked at you, and you looked back, and this time there was no running. no pretending.

“i think i liked you from the start. i just… i didn’t want to ruin it.”

minji’s eyes flicked down. then up. her voice was careful. “you didn’t ruin it.”

you waited. and then—finally—she said, “even if we’re just friends… we could be more than that.”

you exhaled. like the whole world had been holding its breath and finally let go.

you slid off the bed and sat beside her on the floor.

you didn’t kiss her—you didn’t reach for her in that way. you just leaned in, close enough that your foreheads touched. close enough to hear her heart. close enough to stay.

and you did—you stayed.

you stayed like that. just breathing. just being.

just figuring it out.

#bombikki 彡☆#newjeans #newjeans x reader #newjeans minji #kim minji x reader #minji x reader

291 notes · View notes

dovveri · 1 year ago

Text

ordinarily

synopsis: you’re having a few issues with your sex life so you decide to start seeing a sex therapist with your boyfriend

warnings: reader receiving, cheating, lots of sex talk bcs this entire fic is literally set around sex, fingering, clitoral stimulus, vibrators, dildos + strap on, sana watches reader masturbate

w/c: 7.8k

a/n: if u didn't know im a psych student and this idea came to me at 3am while cramming sexual dysfunctions for my finals and i ltr wrote this in a few hours bcs i was OBSESSED - that being said this is all still fictional bcs... let's be honest i js wanted to have sex with dr sana but some of the facts are still real! the treatment however... not so real LMAO

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

“ms. l/n?”

“yes!” you scramble upwards at the sound of your name, pulling your boyfriend up with you and walking briskly towards the woman who’s called you. she offers a kind smile, gesturing for you to follow her.

“is it alright if i bring my boyfriend along?”

she nods, “yes that’s fine. it’s actually customary that both partners are here for appointments like these.”

she leads you towards her office, a clean, organised room with a small couch next to the doctor’s table and chair, and what looks like an upgraded version of a classic examination table.

she seats you both and rolls her chair forward so she’s facing the both of you when she talks. “so how can i help you today ms. l/n?” her eyes are kind, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“u-um just y/n is fine dr. …” you glance to her badge, “minatozaki.”

“alright y/n. sana is fine for me too then.” she smiles.

“r-right sana. so we’ve just been having some trouble with our- um- sex life recently and i think it’s mainly my fault.”

she frowns a little, picking up a notepad on her table to jot down some things, “why would you think that?”

“um well- i- i haven’t um- i’ve never had a penis in me before. my previous male partners would only ever use their hands or mouth but because we were getting a little more serious than that, i wanted to let ben-“ you glance at your boyfriend who looks a little uncomfortable, shifting around in his seat a little, “be the first and we’ve tried for a while now but it’s always just too painful? and i know everyone says the pain passes and whatever but it never seems to pass for me…” you blush, getting progressively embarrassed as you go on.

"i see. do you mind if i ask you a few questions about your sex life?"

you nod, feeling intimidated by the things she's jotting down into her notepad.

"how long has this been going on?"

"umm- i'd say we've tried to have penetrative sex for about 2 months now?"

"have you ever experienced anything like this before?"

"no."

"do you have any history of previous mental health problems?"

"not really, no."

"when you attempt to have sex, do you engage in foreplay?"

"u-um... yes."

"and are you able to secrete natural lubricant from that?"

ben lets out an undignifed snort. you elbow him, face burning red when sana looks up from her notepad, narrowing her eyes at ben who shrinks in his seat, covering his mouth.

"u-um yes i think so."

"ben? is this true?" sana's eyes are locked on ben.

"sorry doc are you asking me if my girlfriend gets wet?"

"for lack of better words yes."

"well yes she gets plenty wet. i always make sure she's turned on before i go in. if you’re asking about if i'm good at sex then yes. i am. plenty of girls in the past have cum because of me."

"i didn't ask that but thank you for your contribution." sana says a little sarcastically, looking back towards you and then down to her notepad. you elbow ben again in response who glances at you slightly annoyed, the tips of his ears red.

"what sorts of foreplay activity do you engage in, does it arouse you, and on average how long would you say your foreplay would go on for?"

"i- um- i-"

"this is a safe space. everything i'm asking is purely for diagnosis reasons, there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, i deal with lots of clients everyday who come in and have talked about much more bizarre things and none of them are nearly as attractive as you are which makes it a lot worse when someone comes in here claiming they have sexual proclivities towards aliens or otherworldly beings."

you blush, the throwaway compliment in there didn't fly past you. "do people really ask about that?"

sana chuckles a little, "oh you'd be surprised the things people come in here about."

you laugh a little in response as well, feeling more comfortable around the doctor, "um well i guess we do all the normal stuff. kissing, whatever, um it usually lasts about... 10 minutes?" you turn to ben who shakes his head a little so you correct yourself, "20 minutes maybe. and um yeah i guess it does arouse me."

sana hums, making a few more notes, "are your nipples sensitive? your breasts? does he play with them? what about your clitoris?"

"i- um- yes... to all of those."

"have you ever orgasmed before?"

"i- yes."

she senses the hesitation in your voice, looking up curiously, "have you orgasmed during sexual relations with ben?"

you shuffle in your seat a little uncomfortably. ben looks at you expectedly, but you can't bring yourself to meet his eyes.

"yes. yes she has." ben replies for you instead when he realises you're not responding.

sana's eyes cut to his with a scowl forming on her face, "did you know only 64.4% of women are able to reach their orgasm during sex? and that number is even lower when the sex is just penetrative? in comparison, 91.3% of men reach their orgasm, in fact, sexual dysfunction in men is actually more common when men orgasm too fast."

ben raises an eyebrow defiantly, "your point doc?"

"that it's normal for women not to reach orgasm. and normal for them to fake it when their boyfriends are pretentious assholes that think they have the best game in the world but in reality, have inflated egos that would easily be shattered if he found out he wasn't as good as he thought he was. most of these women care too much about hurting their partner's feelings than to tell the truth."

ben leans forward aggressively, ignoring your protests for him to sit back down, "i don't know what kinda whack patients you got in here doc but i'm not one of them. i don't need anyone to worry about my feelings like you women do."

sana rolls her eyes, not backing down from his intimidation, "do you have any problems with sexual activity? come too fast? not able to get it up? not able to come?"

ben sputters, "w-what?! who do you think i am?!"

"it's a yes or no question."

"no! i don't have any of those problems! i told you i'm not one of your weird patients!"

"alright that's all we'll be needing from you today. i think this session will be much more productive for y/n if you leave the room. so if you'd please-" she stands up and opens the door, indicating for him to leave.

"what? you can't just kick me out! this is my girlfriend! i'm just as involved in this as she is!"

"actually, since you haven't admitted to having any problems with sex, and you've both said that foreplay and arousal is adequate, there's nothing more that involves you. so yes, i can kick you out."

ben looks back at you, his face red, but you push him forward, "just go ben don't make a scene. i'll see you outside." he frowns, sending a final glare to sana before stomping out the room.

sana closes the door softly after him, settling back down with a sigh.

"i'm so sorry about him i didn't know he would react like that i-"

"it's okay y/n. this is actually quite common. sexual dysfunction is often severely underreported in men, because of the masculine standards they put themselves up to, lots of them won't seek treatment. that's why most of the clients we get are women who come in here with their boyfriends, and a lot of the time these boyfriends don't think they have anything to do with the women's sexual dysfunction, and a lot of them can't accept that they do."

"but you just said-"

"i know what i said. and it's true that if your foreplay is indeed enough and arousing for you, and that this isn't because of any sexual dysfunction he may have, then it no longer directly regards him. however, just because it doesn't directly involve him, doesn't mean it's got absolutely nothing to do with him. i do think i have an idea of what you're going through, but to confirm i'd like to ask a couple more questions if that's okay with you? and hopefully you can be fully honest with me now that ben isn't here."

you shuffle in your seat a little. "yeah of course."

she smiles, going back to her notepad, "so backtracking a bit, i'm assuming ben hasn't been able to make you orgasm?"

you blush, shaking your head.

"how about with previous partners? is there anything they've done that's helped you reach that orgasm or are there any similarities you can think about between them?"

"mm well for one, i've only ever been able to come when i'm with women."

"oh?" sana looks up again over her specs, a twinkle in her eye.

"u-um yeah and with them it's mostly um, using their hands or oral, and even then i normally need at least some clitoral stimulation to come. i have tried using dildos before but i also find it a little too painful, but i'm at least able to bear it when it's with a woman, with ben i kinda just push him off because it's all too much."

"i see. that's quite normal. most women do require clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. a very small proportion of women are actually able to come from penetration alone. do you masturbate?"

you blush again, fiddling with your fingers, but her friendly smile reassures you, "yes. well- less since i've been with ben because he doesn't really like it when he finds out i've touched myself. he gets a little offended and always says i don't need to masturbate when i have him. he takes offense because he thinks i'm doing it since he's not doing a good enough job or something."

"hmm." she hums, jotting something else down, "is he doing a good enough job? i know you said foreplay was fine but i just wanted to check in on that again."

"he's alright i guess. like most men i've been with in the past he does kinda rush things a little, and he does do foreplay it's just a little rougher than i like sometimes. i also think um-" you blush, eyes flickering around the room.

"mm?" sana smiles gently again, encouraging you.

"i think he has trouble finding my clit? or i don't know he always kinda fumbles around when he fingers me so his hands always brush against my clit a little too rough and then he presses down on parts where he thinks it is and asks me if it feels good."

sana hums again, writing down some more notes before the next question. "so back to masturbation, before ben, how often would you say you masturbated?"

"oh u-um, maybe like once a month?"

"and you're able to make yourself come?"

"sometimes. sometimes it just gets too tiring and i end up just falling asleep."

"i see." sana writes a few finishing notes and then places her notepad on the table. "so from what you've told me today, it would seem like you have something called genito-pelvic pain or penetration disorder. normally this sort of behaviour has to go on for at least 6 months before it is diagnosable, but even though it’s only been two months for you, we can still work on ways to improve your symptoms. so there's nothing physically wrong with you or your body, this is more of a cognitive response to a fear of pain from penetration. what happens is because of this fear, you're vaginal muscles tighten when you're about to have sex, they're trying to protect you from this invasive thing that's going to enter your body and that it thinks will cause you a lot of pain. this is why it's so much more painful when someone does penetrate you, because you're muscles are already working actively to try and push it out, they only get tighter and tighter making sex more painful for you. this kinda creates this cycle of fear because it does hurt when you have sex, so the next time it happens, your muscles learn to anticipate this pain and try to close you off from this external invasion. does that kinda make sense?"

you nod a little hazily, the words floating around in your head.

"it's a good thing that you're still able to take penetration though. in some extreme cases women's vaginas have been sealed so tight penis penetration is impossible. now there aren't any medications for this unfortunately, but the main treatment is to unlearn this fear that's maintaining the disorder, and eventually you'll be able to engage in sex that is enjoyable for you again."

"how would i unlearn that?"

"well first of all, masturbation helps. a lot. you say you were only really doing it once a month in the past but actually, masturbating weekly or even twice a week is perfectly normal. and i know you said your boyfriend doesn't really like it but... well it's your body right? if he can't make you feel good then you need to start learning how to make yourself feel good. you need to start turning sex into a positive experience again. later down the line, that also means a lot more foreplay than what you're currently doing. i'm talking like an hour at least. using lube as well will be extremely useful, even if you are wet, it always helps to be fully prepared for that first penetration. i know this all sounds like a lot right now so we'll start slow. would you mind getting up on the examination table and taking off your pants and underwear. i'd like to examine your pelvic muscles a little more closely."

you nod, shuffling onto your feet and beginning to strip out of your clothes. sana pays you no mind, grabbing a new pair of gloves and slipping them on. you figure sana has done this plenty of times in the past, there was nothing to be embarrassed about. well... aside from the fact that sana was really pretty and her really pretty hands were about to be touching you and-

she's turning back around when you lay on the examination table, hands crossed on your stomach, fiddling with your fingers. you avoid her gaze but catch the way her eyes linger a little on your legs. she moves closer towards you, you keep your gaze fixed on the ceiling, feeling the tips of your ears go red at the attention.

she giggles a little and you're confused, "y/n you have to open your legs for me to be able to see anything."

"oh right i- um-" you shyly spread your legs apart, revealing your cleanly shaven lips.

sana squeezes something into her hand, "this is just lube. to see your pelvic muscles in action means i'll have to part your walls so i'm just lubricating them to make it a little more comfortable for you." she looks up at you, waiting for your consent, and when you nod, she gets straight to work.

you gasp at the cold feeling of the lubricant running down your folds, wiggling a little. then, sana's hands come in and start massaging the lube along your folds, spreading it so it covers the entire surface area of your core, fingers gentle as she spreads the liquid. your breath catches a little when she bypasses your clit, squeezing your hands together, and trying your best to not make any inappropriate sounds while in your doctor's office.

you sneak a glance down at her, watching the way she has her lip caught between her teeth while she focuses, eyes glued to your folds. she spreads your lips and starts applying the lube on your inner folds as well, meticulous with her work, making sure no slice of skin was missed.

"i'm going to start prodding around your entrance now alright?"

you can only choke out a hum in response, not trusting your voice to give away the fact that this was turning you on very much.

one of her fingers glides down to your entrance, her other hand still holding your lips open, and she starts to poke gently at your entrance, you can feel when a short fingernail dips in just slightly, wiggling around a little to try and loosen you up. at this point you're kinda glad sana went with the lube because it meant she couldn't tell she was actually getting you spectacularly wet on her own, your own slick mixing with the lube she's spread all over.

she starts pushing a finger in very slowly, but you cringe a little and shuffle your hips when she's about a knuckle in. she pulls out gently, "hurts?"

you nod, "a little."

she starts pressing gently against your folds again, "i'm just going to try massage your folds from the outside, hopefully it'll get your muscles to relax a little with some stimulation."

it is relaxing, the way she's gently pressing into you, it’s certainly never like anything you’ve felt before, it turns you on, but also eases you, it’s a combination you’ve never experienced.

when she gently runs a finger over the hood of your clit your hips jerk and you gasp.

“sorry! too much?” sana backs away quickly, hands raised so you can see she’s no longer touching you.

you inhale, forcing yourself to look at her, your gaze a little blurry, eyes lidded, “n-no. that was- g-good actually.” your voice is a lot scratchier than it was, you can’t believe how turned on you are from just minutes of being with her. “a-actually would it- um- are you allowed to take your gloves off? like if you want to! you don’t have to if you think it’s gross or anything i just think it could help a little so you can feel exactly where your skin and nails touch me.”

sana raises an eyebrow, seeming to consider you, and you want to crawl back into your pants, run away and never see be seen in public again the longer she takes to regard you.

but then wordlessly, she takes her gloves off, flicking them into the bin and reaching for the bottle of lube.

“oh um- you don’t have to. i’m wet enough i think.”

sana smirks then, squeezing some into her palm, “oh sweetie i know. remember what i said about lubing up anyway though? there can never be too much lube.”

you blush at the pet name, gritting your teeth when you feel the cool liquid and the soft touch of her fingers again. except this time it’s so much more real, you can feel every single brush, every stroke, every movement of her fingers against you. when she brushes against your clit again, you can’t help the faint moan you let out. your cheeks burn in embarrassment when you feel her still her movements against you. “s-sorry i-“

“it’s okay. you can make as many sounds as you want. just relax. stop thinking sweetie.” she brushes over your clit again, with a little more purpose this time, and you let out another whimper, trying to stop your hips from grinding against her hand.

the next few minutes are torturous. you're biting back moans every 2 seconds, focusing on keeping your hips solidly on the examination table, hands clenched tight together, you’re so wet you can hear the way she's sliding through your folds much more easily now, able to insert the entire length of her fingernail in with each stroke downwards. your breathing has gotten observably heavier, each inhale and exhale is strained, and you certainly couldn’t look at sana anymore, eyes glazed, just trying to focus on not giving yourself away.

"i’m gonna try go in again now okay?"

you nod, a little desperately, closing your eyes to block out the sight of her between your legs.

she gently prods at your entrance, now able to slide a knuckle in fairly easily, you feel like jelly around her, unable to control your own movements when you jolt downwards, sucking in more of her finger and moaning at the feeling.

“alright?”

“mhm just- just do it.”

“do what sweetie?”

“just- you know-“

“hmm?” she slips a little further in, and you clench around her, your muscles trying to trap her inside of you.

“f-fuck- i- yeah- fuck-“

she giggles a little and you flush, you realise again that she’s very attractive and very good with her hands and those hands are now inching even deeper into you, and before you know it, she’s got her entire finger buried inside of you.

you’re breathless at the feeling.

“painful at all?”

“n-no. not at all. feels- um- g-good.”

you can hear the smirk in her voice when she teases, “you feel good.”

you clench around her at the praise, unaware that sana’s trying her very best to stay as professional as possible, despite wanting so badly to rid you of all your clothes and fuck you until you were moulded to only be able to take her.

“relax baby. i’m going to slide back out now okay?”

you whine when you feel her retreating slowly, your walls gripping her finger, urging her to stay inside. but she comes out until just the tip of her finger is in you, and then pushes in again, filling you up deliciously.

you exhale deeply, back arching at the feeling.

“good?”

“fuck- so fucking good oh god-“

she’s pulling out and pushing in again, slow and careful, watching your body for any signs of pain and fixed on the way your face contorts in pleasure at the feeling of being sexually satisfied for the first time in months.

“think you can take another?” you peek open your eyes to find that sana looks slightly more dishevelled than before, her breathing also a little irregular now, her voice low with lust. you gulp at the sight.

“y-yeah.”

now that you've caught a glimpse of her, you can't look away, your eyes tracing the way her gaze is a little clouded, her tongue peaking out to wet her lips. then she's pushing in again with a second finger, rubbing your clit lightly with her other hand and pressing down onto the external parts of your folds to get you to loosen up.

you suck her in easily, whimpering a little when she stops and looks up at you in concern.

"k-keep going p-please- i can take it- fuck-"

so she continues her journey, pressing in deeper, and deeper, until she's able to fit two fingers snugly inside of you. you moan when she fills you up, pulsing around her, muttering curses and hands moving to hold onto the sides of the examination table.

but then, sana's pulling out again, and this time she doesn't come back. she clears her throat, moving towards the sink in her office to wash herself up.

you clamber onto your elbows hazily, completely soaked and watch in confusion as she dries her hands, her cheeks flushed.

"i think that's enough for today y/n. you can use the sink and this towel here to clean yourself up and get dressed. i'll wait for you outside." she doesn't spare you another glance and slips outside the room, closing it behind her to give you some privacy.

you take a second to recover because what the fuck just happened? you can only follow her instructions dumbly, picking up the towel she's left for you and cleaning yourself up, still incredibly sensitive when you twitch with each swipe along your folds. you put your clothes back on and rearrange your hair so that it doesn't look like you were just about to come mere minutes ago.

once you're tidied up and you've cleared your mind, or at least pushed all the lustful thoughts about being fucked into the table aside, you step outside the office, looking around to find that sana's with ben at the front desk, talking to the receptionist.

you clear your throat to announce your presence when you walk up to them. ben seems to have calmed down and he kisses your cheek sweetly when you sidle up next to him. you take note of the way sana eyes the action, her grip on the pen getting just a little tighter.

"alright y/n. i talked with ben to get an idea of your availability so i hope it's okay that i've booked you in for another session in about 2 weeks."

"yes that's fine!" your voice comes out unintentionally higher than you meant it to. the nerves and confusion hitting you at once.

"and i'll also set you a little homework. like we talked about, masturbation is key to getting better. so here's a self-care kit, it's got a clitoral vibrator and a few different dildo sizes as well as a couple of bottles of lube. i want you to try using the vibrator first, get used to the feeling of orgasming, and then start to bring in the smallest dildo. ben can watch if you want him to or help, but just remember what i said about making sex a positive experience. that's the main purpose of all of this, just relearning that sex is good and that it’s meant to be fun and enjoyable. i'll check with you in 2 weeks how the progress is going and we'll go from there. any questions?"

the entire time she talks to you, she barely looks into your eyes, it's clear she's already discussed all of this with ben who looks more than happy to be a bystander to your sexual pleasure if it meant he would be able to have sex with you later on. you find yourself a little disappointed that she won't acknowledge you. you shake your head no, and she slides you a few forms and the self-care package she mentioned, discreetly wrapped and in a cute little takeaway bag.

"great i'll see you in two weeks y/n. if you'll excuse me now." she sidesteps you and walks briskly back into her office, your eyes trail after her, but you shake the feelings from your head, refocusing on the present and the way ben has his arm wrapped around you.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

it's a fortnight later and you're sitting in a familiar waiting room, this time without ben because you convinced him to stay behind after his retaliatory actions the last time he was here. maybe you also just wanted to see sana alone but you weren't going to tell him that.

if you were being honest, sana hasn't left your mind once since you left the clinic two weeks ago. even when you were completing her assigned homework tasks, it wasn't broad muscles and rugged facial hair that you were thinking of, no matter how hard you tried, your thoughts always drifted back to the way sana had handled you so carefully, the way her fingers felt inside you, how she paid attention to every single reaction you made, every small sound, twitch, how attentive she was. and sometimes your thoughts drifted into territory that was a little more imaginative. those usually consisted of sana using the various toys she'd given you to bring you to heights you weren't able to bring yourself to.

"y/n?"

your head snaps up at the voice. you beam seeing her, she has her hair up today, pretty earrings and perfect features accentuated. she smiles in response at you, gesturing you to follow her to her office.

you settle into the familiar office again, much more relaxed and excited than the last time you were here.

"i see you're looking a lot more chipper than 2 weeks ago." sana comments with a smile, grabbing her notepad that you recognise from last week.

"just happy to see you again."

her smile fades a little at that, but you don't let that discourage you.

"right... so tell me how your fortnight has been. have you attempted to have sex with your boyfriend again? uh... bryson was it? or brendan?"

"ben. and no we haven't had sex again. i also took your advice and let masturbation be just a personal experience. he asked to watch and help but i told him it would be better if he didn't."

"that's good to hear. how has the masturbation been?"

"great! you were right! i've forgotten what having sex just for the sake of doing it for myself felt like. i've spent so long thinking i enjoyed it when i was really just an item for my partner's satisfaction. in a sense that brought me joy as well, being able to provide a source of happiness for them, but i realised that that's not a healthy thing to keep doing."

sana smiles genuinely, "very good y/n. i'm glad that masturbation has helped you realised that. how about your vaginal muscles? did you try using the dildos in the self care package?"

"um- yes i did but- i was actually hoping- uh-"

"hmm? what is it?"

"well i still haven't really been able to cum from using the dildos, only from the vibrator. it's not as painful anymore to put them in, and i'm still working up the sizes, but it still doesn't really feel good? like it just feels like there's something in me, it doesn't really derive pleasure or anything like that."

sana hums, thinking a little, writing down a few notes before closing her notepad. "would you show me?"

"i- um- sorry what?"

"how you've been masturbating. it may be something with the technique, but if it's something else more serious, i'd need to know about it."

"oh! yeah of course." you stumble upwards, repeating your movements from 2 weeks ago, stripping of your clothes, except this time, you take your top off as well.

sana yelps and turns around at your abrupt show of skin.

"something wrong sana?"

"oh- um- no nothing i just thought- um- i didn't think there was reason for your top to be off as well-"

"you wanted to see how i touched myself right? i generally try and stimulate my tits as well since my nipples are quite sensitive."

"right... yes of course." she turns around again, avoiding your gaze and looking to the floor, waiting for you to get on the examination table.

your lips quirk a little at how shy she's being, "is something the matter sana? you see naked bodies all the time in this line of work don't you? and you pretty much saw me naked last time as well..."

sana blushes even brighter, "um- well- yes but- most of my patients tend to be middle aged and they certainly aren't as attractive as you are."

"you think i'm attractive?" you're laid on the examination table now, head turned to the side so you can watch as the doctor fumbles where she's seated, still not looking at you.

"i- um- well- forgive me- i'm trying really hard to be professional right now and-"

"is that why you left in such a hurry during our last session?" you start trailing your hands over yourself, finding yourself easily aroused in the presence of the other woman.

"oh- um- well- yes i- i didn't want to make you uncomfortable-"

you moan gently when a practiced hand glides up to squeeze softly at a tit, the other sliding down slowly towards your centre. "you could never make me uncomfortable sana. well actually... i was only really uncomfortable when you left me so empty last time. i couldn't wait to go home and try out the toys you gave me, i haven't felt so turned on in so long and i needed to get that out of my system as soon as i could." you're trying to get a rise out of her, but everything you're saying is the truth anyway.

sana's eyes are on you now, wide and a little shocked at the words coming out of your mouth, and you revel in the way that meant her eyes now travelled your body. you try and angle yourself so she can see the way you squeeze at your breast, brushing over a nipple lightly with your palm and watching it pebble in reaction, your other hand dipping down to trace along your folds, finding that you're already dripping, the fact that the object of your sexual desires for the last 2 weeks is now only inches away from you, watching you touch yourself, driving you further off the edge of sanity.

"y/n..." sana's voice comes out almost 2 octaves lower than her usual register. you catch the way she wets her lips and crosses her legs.

"i'm so wet already i don't even need lube. and i know you kept saying to use it no matter what and trust me i did when i got myself off at home, but right now, just look-" you bring your hand up from between your legs, making an obscene display of licking your fingers and sucking on them, making sure she could see the arousal that coated your fingers.

sana's jaw tightens at the sight, she shuffles a little in her seat, unconsciously moving closer towards you.

"you don't have to worry about being unprofessional sana. i promise i want this just as much as you do right now." you slide your hand back down yourself, finding your clit easily after the practice you've gotten over the last fortnight, and rubbing circles around it.

"bold of you to assume i want this. this is my job after all." you leak at the register in her voice, it's something you've only been able to imagine in your fantasies.

"you don't want me?" you pout a little, turning onto your side so your entire body is facing her, your arm pushing your breasts together while a finger tugs gently on a nipple, your other hand still rubbing fast little circles into your clit.

sana chuckles darkly, her eyes closing, she seems to be trying to force herself to keep still.

"because just to be clear... i've thought about how you touched me every single time i came these past two weeks." your breath hitches when you recall the way you'd vigorously rub one out to her, sometimes multiple times a day ever since you started masturbating again. "i- oh fuck- no one has gotten me that turned on in such a short amount of time ever- nng- and i'd think about the way you felt inside me, and how careful and gentle you were- fuck- and then i'd think about how rough you could get as well- oh- and how i'd try and be so good for you- can you- can you pass me the dildo? i think i can slide the smallest one in now-"

she gets up from her seat wordlessly, exuding a dark aura that makes you clench your thighs in anticipation. she moves towards your bag, digging for the package and pulling it out, taking the smallest dildo and then moving back towards you. her pupils are blown, hungrily drinking you in, your fingers speed up just a little at the attention.

you reach out a hand mid-moan, asking for her to pass you the toy.

but she clicks her tongue, pushing your hand away gently and lubing up the toy herself.

you gulp, turning so you're laid flat on your back again, spreading your legs so she can see just how wet you were.

her eyes meet yours briefly, and you adore the way she checks in and makes sure you're okay with this, and you nod, giving her permission before she's sliding the dildo into you.

"oh shit-"

sana hums, pushing the little gold dildo in further, transfixed on the way your fingers move just a little rougher around your clit with every centimetre.

when she's completely inside you moan, clenching around the dildo, it was a comfortable size inside you.

"any pain?" her voice is rough, laced with barely concealed lust.

you whine, "n-no- you can move."

she starts pulling out, and it is almost painful the threat of being empty leaving you desperate, grinding down to try and keep her inside you, but she pushes back in, just a second faster this time and you moan unabashedly.

"f-fuck-" she starts up a rhythm, pulling out of you, then pushing back in, each time a second faster than the last.

you rub your clit, faster, harder, pulling on your nipple, switching to the other one to make sure both were attended to, you've never been built up this quickly. even when you were masturbating you had taken her advice and teased yourself for at least an hour before you got anywhere close to cumming.

you crave her, eyes lidded watching the way the veins in her arms become a little more visible when she thrusts in a little harder. you can hear the examination table shaking under you, you can't keep still at all, trying to meet her on each thrust, the tools and materials clattering about loudly. the possibility that someone could hear you outside flies across your mind but you can barely give it a second thought, in fact, it turns you on even more knowing that you were getting fucked by the most gorgeous doctor that you've been obsessed with the last fortnight, and on the other side of the door everyone was just going about their regular days, having no idea the heights of pleasure she was bringing you to.

"o-oh s-sana oh my god- holy fuck-"

"hmm? good?"

"yes yes so good- oh my god you feel so good inside me i'm gonna- oh fuck-"

"do you mind if i..."

you look down at her, vision a little blurry but you can tell she's asking to do something, "yes yes oh god- whatever- you can do whatever you want to me- oh fuck-"

you feel a soft hand come to rest on your stomach, sliding down to just a little below your belly button, and then it presses down just gently, "oh fuck!" your hips jolt upwards, pleasure running up your spine.

sana stops the pressure but keeps her hand on your lower stomach, "was that okay?"

"god yes- oh sana you're gonna make me cum please-"

so she presses down again, a little harder this time, and you feel the coil in you snap, white enroaching your vision, your thighs shaking, head tilted back, a high-pitched gasp leaving your mouth, feeling completely breathless.

sana waits for you to come down patiently, helping you through your orgasm, continuing her thrusts into your cunt but slower and much gentler.

eventually, you feel your back and hips meet the surface of the examination table under you again, breathing heavily and opening your eyes slowly.

sana's moved next to you, brushing strands of hair out of your face, you preen into her touch. but the next thing she does has you clenching tightly around the dildo that's still inside you. she brings her fingers to her mouth, sucking them in and making a show of wrapping her tongue around them. "exquisite."

you blush, clenching your thighs together at the sight.

she gives you a slow once-over again, before exhaling shakily and turning away, moving to the sink to clean up a little. you struggle a little to sit up, still recovering from your mind-shaking orgasm, and you're about to pull the dildo out of you when she speaks up again, still with her back turned to you.

"keep it inside you. that'll be your homework task for the next fortnight until our next session." she turns around, seeming to have collected herself a little better, her eyes fixed only on your face, purposely avoiding the rest of your body.

you sluggishly start to clean yourself up, wincing a little each time you accidentally move the dildo inside you.

"so you are able to come from penetration, you don't have to worry about that. and it's normal that you need some clitoral or other stimulation to be able to orgasm, often just penetration isn't enough. for the next fortnight i want you to continue masturbating, but i want you to practice leaving a dildo inside yourself afterwards, so your vaginal muscles get used to the feeling of something being inside. you can slowly work your way up the sizes, just don't push yourself and make sure you stop if it starts becoming too painful."

you nod, trying to bring your breathing back to a normal pace while you slip your clothes back on.

"alright. were there any other concerns you wanted to talk about?"

you shake your head, coming to a stand.

"okay. you can make the next appointment with the receptionist out front. i'll see you in 2 weeks y/n."

you nod, again, walking out the door when she opens it for you, but turning back before she can close it catching her a little by surprise, "thank you sana. i look forward to seeing you again soon." your voice is still a little scratchy but sana blushes, pursing her lips and nodding, closing the door after you.

you sigh a little dreamily, feeling more blissed out than you've been in a long time.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

this continues between the two of you for a few months.

you loved teasing sana and getting her out of her professional state. once you had worn lingerie under your coat to see her. you laugh remembering the way her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as soon as you took off your coat when you were in the privacy of her office. you'd let her fuck you however she wanted, and then you'd use each new experience to get you off during the fortnight that she'd give you new exercises, all increasing in intensity to help build you up to being able to take an average sized penis.

your favourite one to think about was that week that ben started complaining about how you'd been seeing sana for so long that surely you'd be able to take him by now. he insisted on coming to your next appointment but he was forced to sit outside and wait for you. little did he know you were on the other side of the door, a hand clamped over your mouth, the other holding you up against the door with your breasts pressed against it while sana railed into you from behind. of course she kept harnesses in her office. she had said they were mainly there for educational purposes, to show people how to put one on properly so it was safe and wasn't hurting anyone, it was just an added benefit that she also used them to pound into you with increasing dildo sizes each fortnight.

you lean onto your elbows while you watch her wash off the dildo she had just used on you. it was the biggest one yet and you're still fluttering a little remembering the way it filled you up while you rode her.

"what?" she turns around, drying off the dildo and slipping it back into your bag, pulling her shirt back on.

"just think you're nice to look at."

she rolls her eyes playfully, "shut up y/n."

you wiggle your eyebrows, "make me."

she glances at you, narrowing her eyes a little but making no effort to move closer, "as if you could go another round. you came so hard just then."

you giggle and sigh in satisfaction, resting your cheek on a hand, "i did. you're so good at what you do."

sana hums, finishing getting dressed and looking semi-presentable, settling back into her seat, but her expression changes a little while she studies you.

"what's up?"

"... have you tried having sex again with your boyfriend?"

"i told you i haven't."

she hums again, mind drifting elsewhere and you shrug, sitting up and starting to clean yourself up. "you can try now y'know? you were able to take that dildo and that's pretty much the average size of a penis already. unless he's bigger than that...?"

you scoff, shuffling into your pants, "no. he's actually smaller than the one you just used on me."

"then you should try having sex again."

you pull your shirt over your head, thinking over what she's saying. instead of sitting down in your own seat you climb into her lap, her arms wrapping around you automatically, hands gripping your waist while you make yourself comfortable. "doesn't that mean i won't be able to see you anymore?"

sana chuckles a little emptily, "i'm your sex therapist y/n. you knew this was going to end eventually."

"yeah but you don't fuck your other clients do you?"

sana laughs then, you feast in the sound. "no, no i don't."

"good. i was actually thinking..."

"hm?" she brings a hand up to your cheek, brushing slightly.

"would you... i don't know... like... i think about you when i get off yeah but i also think about you like... all the time..."

"mhm."

"so i was wondering if... i don't know if you felt the same if you wanted to like hang out outside of here? and like i don't mean to have sex i mean like go on a date maybe...?" you're shy, bringing this question up, blushing and avoiding her eyes.

"you have a boyfriend y/n." she deadpans.

"well yeah but i was thinking of breaking up with him anyway. now that you're bringing up having sex with him again i don't want that, and i don't want to stop seeing you. i guess just- just the threat that this all might be over soon- well i don't want it to be over. i like you sana." you say a little more firmly this time, meeting her eyes with decisiveness.

sana smiles then, all eyes, leaning in to peck you gently, "come back in a fortnight and we'll see. if you're no longer with him then... maaaybe i'll let you take me out."

your eyes brighten at her response, jumping out of her lap with excitement, "really?! oh my god i'll call him right now and do it-" you're reaching for your phone in your bag when she laughs, pulling you back into her

"don't do it over the phone silly. not even he deserves that."

you pout a little but it’s quickly wiped away when sana kisses you, lips slotting perfectly against yours with practiced ease. you sigh into her, addicted to the feeling, the taste, the smell of her. it was probably the easiest decision of your life, choosing your sex therapist over your boyfriend.

#sana #twice sana #minatozaki sana #sana x reader #twice x reader #sana smut #twice smut #sana imagines #twice imagines #twice sana x reader #twice sana smut #dovveri

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pearlescentparade · 2 months ago

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Ur probably gonna ignore cuz it’s kinda boring but can i request two time x reader angst ?

Two and reader spending time together, reader trying to enjoy snuggling up to their partner yet two time isn’t returning any of the affection. Just sitting with their hands to themselves with no attempt to do anything besides watch whatever was in front of them.

Basically reader trying to cope with two time not actually returning their feelings despite dating and probably terrible communication.

up to you if two time loves them back.

light years 🔄 two time x reader angst drabble❤️‍🩹

it's cold tonight.

you shouldn't complain, considering it was your idea to go star-gazing. but in your defense, it sounded cute in the moment.

the blades of grass uncomfortably drag against and poke your skin, prickled with goosebumps, as you shift to turn on your side to face two time. they only blankly stare up at the eternal night sky.

"timey?"

they hum, but are complacent in making any other effort beyond that to acknowledge you.

"i'm a little cold.. can we cuddle? ...please?" your whispered pleas could've been mistaken for the ambient howling of the wind. perhaps that's why they don't answer you. but there is much shame to be had in asking again, you think.

hesitantly, and with much space, you reach your hand out to them.

nothing. no acceptance, no rejection.

then, you dare to slink your arms around their body, loosely embracing them as if unsure whether to commit fully to it. you think you feel colder touching them than not.

their body tenses under your touch. did they feel disgusted by you?

you shakily exhale, trying to ignore the deep pain rooting in your heart and constricting your throat. times like these, you wish that they'd start yelling how much they hate you. at least then, you'd know for sure, and you'd know how they feel or think for once. but instead, you are left in the dark, blind and guessing, and playing a game meant for two alone.

a familiar sting burns your eyes, and you take it as your cue to distract yourself.

"..that's orion's belt. it's thr-three stars." you point to the constellation, light years away. two time blinks, inches away. it's less about telling them, and more about telling yourself.

"over there is gemini. it--hic--has the twin stars, castor and- and pollux-" despite your futile attempts, the tears fall anyway. and when one slips out, the rest comes in a flood. it takes only seconds before you're uncontrollably sobbing, muffling your cries in two time's arm.

yet, even as you wet their arm with tears, snot, and saliva, they say nothing. no comfort, no disgust, simply silence.

they couldn't say anything.

not when fear paralyzes them.

they've messed this up before. it's not out of the question to say it could happen again. the same voices that lead them to atrocity chatter viciously in their mind, angry wasps rattling in the nest, urging for another sacrifice.

to once again spill blood, warm with infatuation. to take advantage of this golden opportunity to present their devotion to the spawn by stealing the love they hold with you and metamorphosizing it into the love for their god. one wrong move, and their ghostfire dagger will plunge right into your heart.

to two time, inaction is the greatest reciprocation of love they could offer you.

without turning their head, their eyes flick to glance at your blubbering form.

it's cold tonight.

(parade postscript: sorry this one is a lot shorter mostly bc reader is talking to a fkin brick wall and yk dialogue carries all my mfin writing and also i js thought itd be fitting that everything is all short and lacking bc of the whole two time not showing reciprocation thang [me pulling out a million bullshit excuses out of my ass for why ts is so short and pretending im being a literary genius]

also fun fact! castor and pollux look close together from earth but are farther from each other in reality! castor is actually 51 light-years away, while pollux is closer at 33.8 light-years)

#sfw #two time forsaken x reader #two time x reader #forsaken x reader #roblox x reader

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bumblehoneybee · 8 months ago

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I saw you take requests and I was soo happy!! I rlly loved that “easy smiles” Drabble u wrote abt curly n reader, so I’d like to request (pre-crash) having a late night conversation with him where reader is getting burnt out/struggling mentally and he can kind of tell? Romantic/platonic r both fine, maybe js some comfort from our fav captain? :) augehghh i want a hug from him so bad. if u don’t feel like writing this that’s more than okay, have a great timezone!! <3

You Can Talk To Me

He doesn't mean to catch you in such a vulnerable moment.

Curly only meant to get some water after hitting the john, but as he shuffles into the lounge, all he can hear is your shaky breathing. He blinks the sleep from his eyes, heart picking up speed as he spots you sat on the couch with your head tilted over the back, staring up at the ceiling.

You only notice him when he calls your name, stood at the edge of the couch.

"Ah," you snap your head up, obviously twinging the muscles of your neck, "oof." You rub the knots out, flashing a weak smile for Curly as he settles onto the couch next to you. "Aha. . . hi, Captain."

"Are you okay?" Curly asks, hands raised and unsure of what to do. Anya is asleep, and he's no real doctor himself, so the options for immediate help are limited.

"Oh, I'm fine." You waft your free hand at him. The lights of the fake window douse your skin in an almost sickly color, like all the blood is gone from your face. Your eyes look dull too. "Just, y'know. . ."

There's a long pause. Seems you can't think of anything to make an excuse out of.

Curly sits next to you, and tries to think. You've always been so. . . jolly, quick with jokes and ideas to lighten the mood. He knows you can't always be happy, but he's never been privy to the moments when your guard falls. This is a first for him, and he's surprisingly nervous.

He's comforted most everyone on this ship. He knows how to do it. So why does the thought of comforting you and doing it wrong scare him so much?

"You know. . ." Curly starts, frantically grasping at the words that are usually so easy. "I know it may seem. . . unprofessional, since I'm technically your boss-"

"You're captain." You agree with a nod that you immediately regret. The rubbing gets faster.

Curly huffs at you, burying amusement under concern. "You can talk to me. I'm higher up, but I'm not one of them." He gestures to the nearest poster of Polle. You shoot the horse a glare on instinct, but your face is quick to fall. "I just want you safe and happy."

The quiet returns, and with it his offer hangs heavy over the two of you. You stare down at your lap, hand still loosely clinging to your neck. Curly tries not to stare at you, but god, your eyes just look so. . . sad.

He wishes he could take your hand, show you he's here for you. But that wouldn't be smart, would it?

A heavy sigh rushes out of your nose. "I guess I'm just getting a little tired." Your face pinches as you say it, so Curly lets you piece your words together. "It gets repetitive, y'know? Everything is the same, day in and day out. I try my best, cause I know everyone here is feeling the same kinda stir crazy I am, but. . . I'm tired."

Curly lunges forward as your shoulders sag, palm pressed to the space between them before he can think better of it. "Yeah?"

"I miss plants." You tell him. "Trees, flowers, grass. I miss the sky and the sun. These damn monitors-" You throw an arm towards the screen in front of your both, face screwed up in disgust. "I hate them. They're not even close to something real. Hell, I'd take looking out into space over them."

Curly's thumb has started rubbing into the base of your neck without him realizing. He can't bring himself to stop, though.

"Back home, I could just visit somewhere new, meet new people, pet a dog and smell enough flowers to give myself asthma." You laugh a little at yourself. Curly smiles, and you return it, sheepish. "Sorry. I do like all of you. I hope I don't sound like I'm sick of ya."

"We like you too." Curly says with a pat on the back. "I get it, though. Days can blend together here, drive you crazy." An idea wiggles into his head, one he can't dismiss, even if it's technically against protocol. "If you want a change in scenery, I could show ya the cockpit?"

Your head snaps up again, and this time Curly is the one to rub the wince from your neck. "Really??" You flounder suddenly, and it strikes just how close he is to you. His face burns as he eases back, hand tingling from the touch of your skin. "I mean. . . if it's alright! I don't wanna impose if you're busy."

"Nah," Curly waves the worry away, "it's nothing. Hell, I could teach you how to fly, if you're interested?"

"Very much!" You chirp.

The lights dim further, probably a code Pony Express programmed to save energy while the crew slept. It doesn’t matter, though, for your grin and bright eyes light up the entire damn spaceship.

You have never smiled at him like this before. Curly desperately wants you to do so every day, though.

"Then we'll do a lesson tomorrow." Curly says. He stands up, a hand offered to you. You take it, squeezing his hand before you let it go. "Try and get some sleep, okay?"

"Aye aye, Captain." You do a mock salute, striding off with a wave. "Sweet dreams!" As you pass through the door, you make sure to bow. "Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow!"

With you gone, Curly lets a grin take over his face, hiding it behind his hand.

Seems he's getting some alone time with you tomorrow. He's going to be having sweet dreams indeed.

#curly x reader #captain curly x reader #mouthwashing curly #mouthwashing curly x reader #mouthwashing x reader

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mixolya · 14 days ago

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I honestly have no idea how tumblr works so idk if this is where I make requests...

Anyways idea/request for an itoshi sae x reader short story where reader is a well known k-pop idol who was recently caught in a scandal that she took no part in and received lots of hate as a result! She starts losing her appetite and becoming visibly skinnier bc of the hate and sae notices and becomes rlly worried for her!

Srry this is honestly so cringy I js had a random idea and needed someone to write it 😔😔

ᓚᘏᗢ — sae itoshi: stay with me !

synopsis: when a brutal scandal leaves you drowning in public hate and self-doubt, your secret boyfriend sae itoshi refuses to let you face it alone.

sae itoshi x reader ⭑ angst / secret relationship / hurt & comfort cw!!! eating disorder, mentions of suicide + likes & reblogs are appreciated <3

note: this took me a bit long sorry if my writing is washed

sae noticed it first in your texts. the usual stream of messages, your excited ramblings, blurry selfies with a kiss face, little voice notes you sent when you couldn't type fast enough, started to shrink. your replies became shorter, sometimes delayed, sometimes missing altogether. then came the photos, or rather, the lack of them.

you used to send him everything. outfit checks, dance practice clips, the view from your hotel room window when you were touring. now, your camera roll seemed locked away.

he knew why. the scandal, the one you had no part in.

a baseless accusation from an anonymous post had spiraled into trending hashtags overnight. the internet had latched onto your name, twisting narratives, pulling you under with no proof, no defense that seemed loud enough.

he kept waiting for you to fight back. for the usual fire in your voice to return. but it didn't.

and when he finally got you alone on a rare day when your schedules aligned, you were already smaller. not just in weight, but in presence. you looked like you'd folded yourself in, like you were trying to take up less space in the world.

"did you eat?" he asked bluntly, sitting across from you in his apartment. you nodded, picking at the edge of your sleeve. " a little, before practice."

"you're lying," his chest tightened.

you glanced away, lips pressing into a faint smile that didn't belong to you. "i'm fine, sae."

"you're not," he stood, crossed the room in two steps and knelt in front of you. "look at me."

reluctantly, you did. your eyes were tired, rimmed faintly with exhaustion, but it wasn't that which broke him. it was the way you looked afraid. of disappointing him. of being weak in front of him.

"you think i care about some fake scandal?" his thumb brushed over your knee. "you think i'd believe a word of that shit?"

you shook your head quickly. "it's not that. i know you don't believe it. it's just-" your voice cracked. you swallowed it down. "...everyone else does."

"they're just people behind a screen."

"they're people behind a screen who tell me to die."

it hit him like a gut punch. not because you were wrong, but because you said it so.. calmly. like you'd gotten used to hearing it.

you laughed breathless and broken. "isn't it funny? i've spent my whole career trying to make people happy, and now they can't stand me. i can't even remember the last time i finished a meal without thinking about what they'd say about my weight after the whole scandal thing."

his stomach twisted. you'd always been careful with your diet because of your career, but this wasn't careful at all. this was self-destruction. and it terrified him.

"you don't have to finish it for them," he said quietly. "you don't have to do anything for them."

you shook your head. "it's not that simple. i can't just-" you gestured vaguely, frustration rising. "i can't just stop caring. it's my job. my face, my body- it's my brand."

sae's grip on your knee tightened just slightly. "fuck your brand."

your breath caught.

"fuck the people who don't know you. fuck the ones who think they can control you." his voice was low. it was the same tone he used when shutting down reporters. "if you lose yourself chasing their approval, what's the point?"

your lips trembled. "i don't want to lose myself."

"then don't."

"i'm trying-" your voice cracked again. you buried your face in your hands, shoulders shaking. "i'm really trying, sae."

carefully, he reached up, coaxing your hands away from your face. his thumb traced the corner of your eye, catching a stray tear. without another word, sae slid his arms around you, lifting you effortlessly into his chest. you let out a soft gasp, instinctively curling into him as he sat down the couch, settling you on his lap, one hand firm on your back, the other smoothing down your hair.

"you don't have to try alone," he murmured, his voice steady against the storm inside you. "i'm here. i'm not going anywhere."

your fingers clutched at his shirt, desperate for something solid, something that wouldn't slip away like the rest of your world seemed to be doing.

"i'm sorry," you whispered, breath trembling against his neck. "i just.. i don't know how to fix this."

"then don't fix it all at once." he pressed a kiss to your temple, lingering there. "just stay. stay with me tonight. start there."

"i don't feel like eating though."

"doesn't matter." his hand rubbed slow circles on your back. "you need to. for yourself, not for them."

you swallowed thickly, the quiet weight of his words breaking down your walls. sae itoshi didn't plead. he didn't chase. but here he was, holding you close, asking you to fight for yourself.

so you nodded, barely, but it was enough for him to pull you even closer, like he was trying to shield you from the world.

"i'll cook."

"you can't cook," you mumbled, your tears warm against his skin.

"i can cook enough," his thumb brushed over your cheekbone. "enough to keep you here."

you gave a small, tired laugh. "you're sooo bad at this."

"at what?"

"comforting people."

he smirked faintly. "never comforted someone, what did you expect?"

his hand slid down, interlacing his fingers with yours.

and for the first time in weeks, you let yourself lean into him. into his warmth, his steadiness, his quiet refusal to let you disappear.

right now, you were safe. you were staying. and sae wasn't letting you go.

#mixolya!#itoshi sae x reader #itoshi sae #sae #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi sae imagines #sae itoshi imagines #bllk #bllk x reader #bllk imagines #bluelock #sae x reader #sae imagines #sae itoshi fluff #itoshi sae fluff #sae fluff #bllk fluff

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makixroll · 10 days ago

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smth about the thought of fiance fuma/k coming home from work at midnight: their sleeves folded, neck tie loose, eyes a bit red/tired, their voice a bit hoarse, and the only thing that could calm them after a long day of work was to have you in their arms and pepper you with kisses in bed while you pamper them and give them reassurance that they've worked hard for the day

this is just a thought after seeing kuma in those corporate office fits that make them so much attractive than they already are

FIANCE — fuma & k ۫ ꣑ৎ

pairing . . . k x reader & fuma x reader

contents . . . domestic , established relationship , fluff , non-idol , this is so cute i js had to write it!

fiance!yudai felt bad, really, really bad. He didn't expect that today would be a very busy one unlike the past ones. There were meetings every hour, paperworks that had to be done at the end of the way. And it didn't help that his secretary called in sick today, which meant he wouldn't have anyonr to help him with endless pile of paperworks. Yudai even promised to be home before dinner so that you two could spent a lovely dinner together, but of course, work just had to be there to disappoint him.

So when he arrived home at midnight, he stepped into the living room, only to be met by your sleeping figure on the couch, a book placed on your hand as you release soft and steady breathes. Yudai's heart clenched, he was too busy and occupied with work, he forgot to tell you that he'd be home by midnight.

Quietly, he dropped on his knees as he leaned against the couch, Yudai's head laying on the small space of the couch as he stared at you. A soft yet guilty smile present on his face as Yudai brought his hand to your face, caressing it softly. The sudden shift on the couch caused you to stir awake, staring face to face with your fiance, who stared at you with loving eyes.

"Yudai, honey?" You mumbled, groggily. You sat up, still half-asleep as you greeted your fiance with a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Hi there, sweetie." Yudai whispered, as if a sudden shift of his tone would break you.

"I'm sorry—" he didn't get to finish his sentence as you cut him off by placing a quick kiss directly on his lips, shutting him off conpletely as you leaned back, giving him a small smile.

"Let's get you undressed and ready for bed." You mumbled, loosening Yudai's necktie. After that, both of you stood up, his tall form towering over you as you helped him remove his coat, you placed them down on the couch as you removed his necktie next. Yudai's eyes never left your face, he watched the way you tended to him despite still being half-asleep, without even listening to his explanation because you already knew. You already understand despite not hearing his explanation. You understand him without a word, and he appreciates it deeply.

Yudai grabbed your wrist that were unbuttoning his white shirt, pulling you closer to his chest as he intertwined his fingers with yours. His other hand coming up to the back of your head, making you lean on his chest as he rested his on top of yours, Yudai inhaling the scent of your shampoo from your hair.

"Thank you, my sweetie. I love you." He mumbled against his breath, his eyes were closed as he leaned much closer to you.

"You don't have you thank me. You've worked so hard, honey. Let me take care of you, okay?" You said softly.

fiance!fuma already told you beforehand that he'll be coming home later than usual, probably around midnight, he says. Fuma also told you to not stay up too late just to wait for him, since he didn't want your health to be affected from the amount of times you stayed up late just for him. Of course, you didn't follow him and stubbornly refused to sleep early without telling him.

Doing everything you could do to stay awake, by reading books, scrolling on social media, replying to Maki's endless tiktok videos that he sends to you and to his other mutuals, and watching kdrama series.

Thanks to your dedication and hard work, you succeeded in staying up late as you heard the jinggle of keys, and the door being unlocked which indicated that Fuma, your beloved fiance, is home. You immediately paused whatever you were watching at the moment as you quickly walked towards your shared home's front door, greeting Fuma with a warm hug. Fuma's arms instinctively wrapped themselves around your waist, still shocked upon learning that you once again, had stubbornly stayed up late for him.

"Hi, lovelove, welcome home!" You greeted, giggling softly as you broke the hug. You took notice of his form, his face was tired; dead tired. Fuma's sleeves were rolled up all the way to his elbows, his necktie was already hanging loosely on his collar, which contrasted with how he looked earlier morning.

"Lovely, why are you still awake?" Fuma asked, a little upset that you disobeyed his wish. But a small part in him was happy, that you still stayed up late just to greet him. After such a tiring day, all he wanted was to see you, your pretty face that he adores and love so much.

Now you two were tangled to each other on the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as Fuma leaned and rested his head on your neck, inhaling the faint scent of your bodywash. Your hand went its way up to his head, caressing his hair softly as you hummed a soft tune, a small smile plastered on your face, cherishing this lovely moment. Fuma placed soft kisses on your neck, which tickled you as soft giggles left your lips.

"Stop it, love! It tickles." You said, still giggling. Fuma laughed softly at your reaction as he raised his head, looking at you with adoration in his eyes. You smiled widely at him as you attacked him with little kisses all over his face.

Maybe Fuma didn't mind being dead tired from work, if it means coming home greeted by your warm embrace, if it means he gets to be pampered with your kisses.

#andteam #&team #andteam drabbles #andteam fluff #andteam x reader #&team x reader #&team fuma x reader #&team fuma #&team k x reader #&team k #koga yudai x reader #fuma x reader #fuma murata x reader #andteam yudai #murata fuma

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purinfelix · 1 year ago

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first time requesting I LOVE UR JOAO FELIX FICSSSSSSS

ok maybe joao and reader have been dating for a month??? Idk but basically ready is a bit awkward and hesitant and joao notices how stiff she is around him and he js cuddles her 😇😇😇😇

baby steps ✶⋆.˚

pairing: joao felix x reader summary: during a movie date, your new boyfriend notices you looking a little tense and tries to help you out warnings: none! w/c: 481

a/n: ANON tysm this ask was sooo cute <33 and tbh this was intended to be a blurb but i just kept on writing more and more so now its a proper fic woops

"How about this one?" Joao's voice was soft as he flicked to a movie on the TV, his gaze turning to you as he tried to gauge your opinion.

"Hm? Oh, sure," you mumbled, slightly distracted.

Any onlooker might assume this was the scene of two friends watching a movie together, rather than a new couple. There was a noticeable space in between where Joao had sat on the couch and where you had decided to sit when joining him.

The truth was, despite it only being a month into your relationship with him, he had exceeded your expectations on almost all fronts. He was sweet, understanding, attentive, everything you could ever ask for in a boyfriend. It was this air of perfection though, that paralysed you whenever you spent time with him - terrified that making a wrong move might ruin the moment. You were fully aware of how awkward you came across, sometimes hesitantly moving your hand away from his - luckily he took this less as an insult and more as a sign you weren't ready for it - but this only increased your fear.

"Is everything alright baby?" came the concerned tone you had grown reluctantly used to at this point, so much so the name almost went unnoticed.

"Yeah, I'm fine! Let's just start the movie."

Hesitantly, Joao did as he was told before sitting back to watch the film in silence with you. Only a few minutes passed before you noticed him restlessly glancing over to you every couple of seconds, concern causing him to chew on his bottom lip as his leg bounced. Before you knew it, he was scooting slightly closer, a tentative expression painted across his face by the time he was sitting right next to you. You pretended not to notice but your cheeks were so flushed you were glad the lights were off so that he wouldn't see.

Suddenly, you felt him snake an arm around your waist, wrapping you in his arms. You let out a soft squeak before clamping your hands across your mouth in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," he immediately blurted out, arms already retreating "I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's not you, I'm just," you mumbled, "I'm not used to this, that's all."

"Well, I'm not really either," he laughed softly, "you just looked so tense I didn't know what to do!"

"It's alright, I," you looked down and fiddled with the fabric of your shirt, "I don't mind."

You didn't even have to look to know Joao was beaming as you felt him wrap his arms around you one more time, settling his head down on your shoulder. Shifting to a more comfortable position, you laid your head on top of his and couldn't help but smile too - only now you didn't feel an ounce of awkwardness or embarrassment behind it, only pure joy at how lucky you were.

#joao felix #joão félix #joao felix x reader #joao felix x you #joao felix fluff #joao felix oneshot #joao felix fic #fanfic #football #oneshot #fc barça #fc barcelona #jet writes ★#purinfelix #jet answers ✧

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fictoculus · 1 year ago

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Hiiiiii! Can i request some genshin guys reacting to reader refering to them as "my husband" they're not married yet/just dating? As for characters, I'd prefer Tighnari, Albedo, and Cyno (I definitely have a type lol) please 🙏

౨ৎ "my husband..."

send a request!┊masterlist┊taglist applications

FEAT… alhaitham, tighnari, albedo

SYNOPSIS... calling your boyfriend your husband just to get a rise out of him (or you)

A/N... hey anon! thanks for the requesttt i love getting them literally puts a smile on my face ^^ so sorry for taking so long tho, nd also sorry for not writing anything for cyno i js had zero ideas for him, have alhaithtam instead!! anywayyy i was actually planning on writing something like this so great timing!!! hope you enjoyyy ♡

✧ alhaitham.

it's been a long, tiring day, so you and alhaitham decide it's the perfect chance to unwind and finally visit the small café you often pass on your way home.

it's quaint but welcoming, with warm white fairy lights and oak wood accents to highlight the faded walls and exposed brick. however, due to it's size, there is quite a long queue. usually you'd be a little on edge, but with the quiet chatter and soft music, you're able to relax.

just as you begin to scan the menu, a quiet gasp causes you to jolt slightly as your boyfriend taps you on the shoulder.

"[name], i'm so sorry but i have to go back."

"is everything ok?"

"it seems i've forgotten something important. will you be alright by yourself?"

you reassure him with a nod, smiling up at him and urging him to go; the sooner he leaves, the sooner he'll be back.

"i'll be just fine, take your time, love"

"i won't be long"

he places a hurried kiss on your forehead and rushes back to the akademiya, breaking into a run as soon as he's out of your sight.

the queue edges closer and closer to the counter, and you start to give up your space for people behind you in the hopes that alhaitham will return, but eventually you're the only person left in the queue and have no choice but to place an order.

"good evening, um, could i please have..."

you carefully pick out a couple of baked goods you think your boyfriend would enjoy, and take your time selecting the right tea.

"ah, well... my husband has just gone to run an errand but i think he'd like... an oolong tea, please"

as if you somehow summoned him, alhaitham appears beside you with an arm wrapped around your waist.

"yes, that'd be just fine. thank you"

you can feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest against your shoulder, but you say nothing of it until you're sat down with your drinks and snacks.

"are you alright? i didn't mean to hurry you, 'haitham, i know you're tired"

the scholar, however, couldn't care less about having to rush, and completely dismisses your question.

"your husband, hm? i haven't heard that one before"

a sly smirk is plastered on his face, though you know he has no malicious intent, he simply enjoys teasing you, that's all.

"well- i didn't think you'd be back in time and i- it just-"

"don't worry about it, love, i'm only teasing."

he reaches across the table with a smile, holding your hand in his and rubbing your knuckles with his thumb.

"in fact, i quite like the idea of being your husband"

you're completely stumped. alhaitham? your husband?

yes, the two of you have been together for quite some time, but never in a million years did you think you deserved to marry him.

"y-you do?!"

"of course i do, love, don't you?"

"yes absolutely! i- it'd be a dream come true"

you blurt out, feeling a heat rushing to your cheeks as they glow a bright pink. usually, you'd be embarrassed, but in this moment, it doesn't matter. it feels as if time has come to a halt, and it's just you and him. alone. together.

at least now he knows you'll say yes...

✧ tighnari.

it's yours and tighnari's 1 year anniversary (hooray!), so of course, the two of you have gone out for a meal at a fancy restaurant, recommended to you by cyno surprisingly.

you absentmindedly read out the menu, whispering any dishes which intrigue you under your breath. it's one of the little habits you have that tighnari finds oh so charming, and he can't help but gaze at you lovingly as he completely disregards the menu and pins all his attention on you.

"are you ready to order?"

a stern voice snaps him back into reality as a waitress approaches the table, taking the pen out of her breast pocket and clicking it against her notepad.

you glance over to your boyfriend, and chuckle to yourself as he panics and skims over the menu hurriedly.

"my husband is having some trouble deciding, so i'll go first if that's alright"

you shoot your boyfriend an 'innocent' smile before placing your order.

"of course, and for you, sir?"

tighnari is completely out of it, your words echoing in his mind as he seems to just float away. "my husband", "my husband", "my husband". he sits there a flustered, blushing mess. how couldn't he be? the love of his life just called him their husband. if it weren't for the waitress stood before you, he'd be burying himself in your chest from the sheer embarrassment. not that he'd be ashamed to be your husband, he'll just never get used to that tugging feeling he gets in his chest when you tease him like this.

"sir? your order?"

"r-right, excuse me..."

you watch intently as he orders, stumbling over his words and fidgeting furiously with the loose fabric of his cape. how cute.

only when you've paid the bill and started heading home does he (nervously) confront you about your teasing, squeezing your hand tightly as he, once again, stumbles over his words.

"so... husband? is- is that something you really want or is it just some little scheme of yours beca-"

"i want nothing more, 'nari"

✧ albedo.

your boyfriend, albedo, is perched on a stool in front of you, painting fervently. painting what, you ask? why, you of course!

a feeling of pure euphoria washes over him every time his eyes outline your figure; you're beautiful. every curve, every dip, every mark, everything about you is a work of art in itself.

it feels like you've been sat there forever, holding your hand to your face and staring out the window, trying your best to be the perfect muse.

after hours of daydreaming, he finally calls you over.

"i'm finished, love. you did so well"

you walk over to him, back slightly sore, rolling your shoulders with a sigh. albedo's warm arm snakes around your waist and gently pulls you down onto his lap, bringing both hands to your shoulders to give you a well deserved massage.

"do you like it?"

he nods towards the canvas, now covered in the most wonderful shades of every colour you can imagine. the way he manipulated the light and shadows is commendable, and the fabric of your carefully styled outfit seems to flow around your body perfectly.

"do i like it?! archons... it's beautiful, 'bedo"

"you're beautiful, [name]"

it looks just like you, and now, finally, you get to see a glimpse of how albedo sees you.

"my husband is just so talented, what in teyvat am i going to do, hm?"

that was all it took for him to loose him composure, looking away from your gaze yet you kept your eyes locked on his. a pink tint dusts over his cheeks, and he seems to grow slightly distant as he processes it all; it's as if you can see the gears turning behind those pretty eyes of his.

"y-your husband?"

he stammers out, hands stilling to rest on your shoulders.

"mm, you don't like it?"

his eyes widen; of course he likes it. the idea of being your husband is something that gets him so giddy he can't sleep at night. just the thought of sliding a ring onto your fingers sends shivers down his spine, and he can feel himself burning up as he stutters:

"o-oh, no, no... i do, i just- i wasn't expecting it, that's all"

best believe he'll be attached to you for the rest of the day, leaning onto your back when you go to get a glass of water, and tugging on your arm as he leads you to bed.

"one day, [name]. one day i really will be your husband, if you'll let me..."

thanks for reading ♡ want to read more? my requests are OPEN, so please feel free to let me know what you’d like me to write next!

TAGLIST…@maopll . @nyxmainex . @avensuersa . @moondrop-gummies apply here

#genshin x reader #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham fluff #tighnari x reader #tighnari fluff #albedo x reader #albedo fluff #gn reader #hcs #fluff #genshin fluff

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urlocalmultigroupfan · 2 months ago

Text

ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀꜱ 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 (양정인)

pairing: yang jeongin x fem!reader

summary: loosely based off of strangers by kenya grace

tags/warnings: suggestive (kissing in car) kinda angsty, no good ending

a/n: hihi guys!! i think yall have noticed that i haven't been as active on here anymore sigh. atp its basically js bc i used to write based off of what i wanted to happen, but now its more like im actually experiencing it with my gf, so its kinda different for me!! its also bc ive js been talking to my friends mostly recently 😭😭 so yep!! (on discord tho add so_dxnbi if u want to talk 😋! also i might not be active during the summer so this will be one of the many oneshots and stories i have prepped to come out over the summer <3 tysm for patience!! love you guys <3

also sorry for the kinda bad ending sigh 😓

credits to @hyuneskkami for the dividers

masterlist!

You never thought you’d end up here. In the backseat of his car, the world outside reduced to a blur of neon lights and rain streaking across the windows. His hands are everywhere, touching your skin, pulling you closer, leaving a trail of heat that’s impossible to ignore. Your breaths are shallow, uneven, caught somewhere between urgency and uncertainty. It’s messy, fast, and you know it’s never going to last. But in that moment, it doesn’t matter.

You had been strangers once. You never imagined it would go this far. But here you are, both lost in the feeling of each other, and yet… it feels like you’re miles apart.

ᡣ𐭩

It all started when you didn’t expect it.

You remember the night you first met him. It was one of those nights where you had no plans, no real intentions. The party was loud, a blur of faces and music that pulsed through the walls. You didn’t even know why you were there. Maybe it was because your friends had dragged you along, or maybe it was because you were just looking for something—something to fill the quiet spaces inside of you.

The first time you saw him, he wasn’t anything special—just another guy among many. Tall, dark hair, a smile that you couldn’t quite place. But when you bumped into him, spilling your drink all over his shirt, you immediately froze, mortified.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” you blurted out, fumbling for your words, trying to wipe the spill from his chest.

He laughed. Softly. “It’s fine, really. No harm done.”

His eyes were warm, and for a brief moment, you felt like he was the only person in the room. You barely noticed the music anymore. There was something about the way he looked at you that made everything else fade into the background.

“I’m Jeongin,” he said, offering you a hand.

You introduced yourself, and that was it. A simple exchange of names. But there was something about him, a kind of energy that lingered after the conversation ended. You didn’t think much of it at the time, just another stranger in a sea of faces.

ᡣ𐭩

But things have a way of changing, don’t they?

The first few weeks after the party, you didn’t think much about Jeongin. He was just another person in your life. You’d pass by him in the hallways, maybe exchange a quick smile, but that was it. But then, one evening, you ran into him in the library. He was sitting alone, flipping through a book, looking more relaxed than you had ever seen him before.

“Hey,” you said, trying to sound casual. “What’s up?”

He glanced up, his eyes lighting up when he saw you. “Hey! Just studying. Want to join?”

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do, but you nodded. “Sure. Why not?”

You sat beside him, the quiet of the library settling around you as the minutes stretched into hours. At first, it was just small talk—talking about assignments, the classes you shared. But before long, the conversation shifted. You found yourself laughing at his jokes, talking about things you’d never shared with anyone elseyour hopes, your fears, your childhood memories.

It was easy. Too easy.

And that’s when you started noticing him more. Not just his smile or the way he made you laugh, but the way he made you feel—like you mattered. Like you weren’t just a passing thought in his life. You started texting him more, meeting up for coffee after class, spending your weekends together in a way that felt so natural, so right.

You didn’t think much about it at first. He was just a friend, right? But even then, you could feel something shifting between you both, something you couldn’t name, something that made your heart beat a little faster every time he looked at you.

ᡣ𐭩

The moment it happened, you didn’t even see it coming.

One evening, it was just the two of you—sitting on the balcony at his apartment, the city lights flickering in the distance. You’d just finished dinner, and the conversation had slowly shifted to more personal things, things you had never dared to say aloud before.

“I think you’re one of the few people who actually listens when I talk,” Jeongin had said, his voice quieter than usual, his eyes soft.

You couldn’t help but smile. “I’m always listening.”

He was looking at you differently now, his gaze more intense, more focused. The space between you seemed to shrink, and your chest tightened. You wanted to say something, anything, but your words caught in your throat.

You felt his hand brush yours, and it was like the world stopped. Your breath hitched as he leaned in slowly, hesitating just a moment before his lips met yours.

The kiss was everything you didn’t know you needed. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing, just the overwhelming rush of wanting and being wanted. His hand cupped your cheek, pulling you closer, and you responded eagerly, the taste of him lingering on your lips.

But even in that kiss, you could sense something shifting inside of you—this wasn’t just a fleeting moment. You were both crossing a line, one you weren’t sure you could come back from.

The next few days passed in a haze, the thrill of being with him clouding your thoughts. You were officially more than friends, but neither of you spoke about it. It felt like an unspoken agreement between the two of you—no labels, no expectations, just the feelings that both of you kept buried deep down.

But it wasn’t long before the cracks began to show.

ᡣ𐭩

It was one of those nights when everything felt a little too much. The air was thick with tension, and the heavy weight of unspoken words hung between you both. You were both drunk, but there was a certain clarity in the way you looked at him.

You’d been out with friends at a club, and now you were in his car, parked in an empty lot, the sound of the rain tapping against the windows. His hand was on your leg, drawing lazy circles on your skin. He was leaning close, his breath warm against your neck, and you couldn’t deny that you wanted him. You needed him.

You let him kiss you again, this time deeper, more desperate. His hands were everywhere—on your waist, your back, your thigh. You could feel the heat building between you both, the need, the desperation, as if this moment was the only thing that mattered.

In the backseat, it was all about chasing that feeling—the feeling of being wanted, of being seen. His lips were on your neck, his body pressed against yours, and you could feel every inch of him.

It was reckless. It was messy. But it was you both searching for something—something you couldn't name, something you couldn’t hold onto.

But even in that moment, you knew it wouldn’t last.

ᡣ𐭩

Things between you both became complicated after that night. The chemistry, the passion—it was always intense, but it wasn’t enough to keep the distance from growing. Jeongin pulled away more and more, his texts shorter, his responses slower. You tried to ignore it, but the cracks were undeniable.

You wanted to talk about it, to ask him where you stood, but every time you tried, he’d shut you down with a simple excuse—“I’m busy,” or “I’ve got a lot going on right now.”

But you knew. You knew what was happening.

One evening, you sat in his apartment, the silence between you unbearable. You couldn’t ignore the distance anymore.

“I can’t do this anymore, Jeongin,” you said, your voice trembling despite yourself. “I’m tired of pretending everything’s fine.”

He looked at you, his expression unreadable. “What do you mean?”

“I mean this,” you gestured between you both, your hands shaking. “This… whatever this is. I can’t keep doing this if you’re not here with me. You’re not really here, Jeongin. Not anymore.”

There was a long pause. You didn’t look at him. You couldn’t.

Finally, he spoke, his voice quiet. “Maybe I’m not, then.”

That was it. No apology, no fight. Just a simple acknowledgment that you both knew things weren’t working. You both had been drifting for so long, it was only a matter of time before it ended.

ᡣ𐭩

After the breakup, you tried to move on. You went to class, you hung out with friends, you kept yourself busy. But every time you saw him—whether on campus or in passing—there was a part of you that ached.

He didn’t reach out, and neither did you. The silence between you was louder than anything you could say.

Months passed. You both moved in different circles, but every once in a while, you’d catch a glimpse of him. He never looked at you the same way again. He never even looked at you at all.

You were strangers again.

And somehow, that hurt more than anything else.

You never saw him again after that day at the coffee shop. He was just another face in the crowd, another memory.

A stranger.

hope yall enjoyed <33

todays playlist....

bills by enhypen, dadada by mad tsai, like by bts, feelings by lauv, love scenario by ikon, voices by stray kids, banana shake by hus, busy woman by sabrina carpenter, bed chem by sabrina carpenter, feels like summer by childish gambino, butterflies by stray kids, run bts by bts, mama said by kickflip, ssick by stray kids, drama by aespa, deer hunter by &team, like that by doja cat and gucci mane, start a war by jennie, fall in love again by p1harmony

*bold is explicit*

taglist: @rockstarkkami @sirloncelot-of-bananas @jisunggy @me-on-a-archive @hyunjiiza @hyuneskkami @hvseunq143 (im pretty sure i missed somebody 😭😭)

taglist is open! please comment if you would like to be added <3

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syntheticsymp · 24 days ago

Note

I've got a silly blurb i wanna share, so I'm imagining for a long time niktos 'pet' slowly loses their shit and it shows. In like different ways.

Maybe nikto finally lets them handle the hunt he bought in after months of keeping them way from knives and all u can hear is the aggressive chopping of the meat

Or or they bite off nails/pull hair/Peel their lips to the point of bleeding, and the occasional spacing out for hours tto the point of losing sleep

(Sorry I js like to imagine how it affects reader's mentality being kidnapped n all :3!)

oh ho HO YES. I AM OBSESSED

Nikto thought that after you got used to him, the worst of things would be over. That maybe you'd accept him. That you'd be the doting little pet he wanted you to be.

But instead, he's making you more like him. Something twisted, broken, and so close to snapping. He destroys everything he touches, but he can't lose you. So he decides to ignore what you're going through. He doesn't want to accept that he had finally pushed you to the point of no return. All the while you keep getting worse, numb to the point that hurting yourself comes naturally. Small bits of pain to prove you are in control of your own body, of your own life.

You don't even notice the blood in your mouth from your chewed lips or the tears in your eyes until you're standing in the kitchen with absolutely no clue how you got there. Your mind is churning in on itself, purging memories that are better left forgotten at a rate you couldn't keep up with. You're scared, so scared, that you're going to lose yourself entirely. But then Nikto finds you and guides you back to bed, shoving his fingers in your mouth as you tried (and failed) to sleep so you wouldn't bite yourself anymore.

Things were supposed to get better with time. But as your hope of escape slowly burns out and your old life passes you by without you in it, you were starting to become just as crazy as Nikto.

Thank you for sharing your blurb with me boo I love it <333

#please share more blurbs with me i love themmm #nikto x you #nikto x reader #nikto imagine #nikto

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itz-mfkn-de · 10 months ago

Text

\\ALL ID EVER WANT// T.N

Warnings- ANGST, (DW there’s is comfort), cussing, implied cheating, smoking, Theodore being a jerk in the beginning, ya that’s it

Summary- You thought he was the love of your life, but maybe in the end you were just young and naive.

(Plsplsplsplspls REQUEST. PLEASEEE. But anyways sorry guys I’m not good at writing angst so this is kinda shitty but I js had rlly bad brain rot abt Theo sooo enjoy.)

You sucked in a deep breath and prayed that when you spoke your voice wouldn't crack.

"I thought—" it cracked, you quickly cleared your throat. "I thought that I might've actually meant something to you, Nott."

"Oh, amore...don't do that." He said breathlessly. He attempted to step closer to you but for every step he took forward you took one back. He sighed at your bitterness.

"I have the right to call you whatever I want." You said fiercely.

"Why are you being like this? You've given me no explanation for your anger colomba." He said with an almost neutral facial expression.

"Oh don't pretend to give a shit about how I feel now. I saw you with her," the venom seeped through your teeth and onto your words, burning your throat as you held back tears.

He stiffened at your words, now understanding where your anger had originated from. The blonde girl now resurfacing in his memory.

And suddenly, just as quickly as he had appeared remorseful, his facial expression hardened.

"Mm, so you did."He muttered, refraining from letting any emotion slip into his words.

You were speechless, he seemed to care more about an imaginary stain on his jacket sleeve than your heart crumbling right before his very eyes.

"So I did? Thats all you have to say? What about us? Theodore, you are my everything," you said, completely dropping the idea of hiding your vulnerability.

He seemed to wince at your words, and you could've sword you saw tears well up in his eyes when he glanced up, but he was quick to avert his gaze.

"Was your everything, Columba. Was. Not anymore." He corrected you. "I don't hold any interest in..using you...anymore principessa."

His voice sounded strained, and as hurtful as his words were, his facial expression made it look like it was hurting him more to say them.

"W—what?" You said as the tears overfilled and poured down your cheeks, "but..but you said you loved me." You said while your head slowly started to hang.

You should've listened to your friends. Everyone said not to fall for his charm, the Italian playboys flirtatious ways.

But you couldn't help yourself.

He made you feel special. He made you feel loved. He protected you and cherished the very ground you walked on, yet here he was...treating you as if you were just another body for him to throw out when he got bored.

Nothing made sense, he had spent so long reassuring you that you were his first and only love, the only one that made him feel. He opened up to you as you did him. He told you he wanted to have a family with you. Now all the sudden he was acting like this.

"I did, didn't I? Sorry for leading you on like that, didn't know you'd think I'd actually be in love with some half-blood." He nearly spat as he continued looking at the ground.

"Half-blood? This—this is about my status?" You mumbled in complete shock.

He didn't answer you as he tucked his hands into his jacket pockets,his green tie reflecting the moons brightness.

Green. Slytherin. You forgot how serious that house was about their blood status. You then recalled the first time you saw theo.

It was your second year, you were just trying to get to your next class when all of the sudden, you saw a small group of Slytherin boys surrounding a smaller ravenclaw boy.

"Filthy muggle! You shouldn't be here." Draco malfoy had spit ruthlessly at the boy. All the Slytherin boys around him were laughing and saying other horrible things to the boy. Except for one, he just stood there spaced out.

That one boy had happened to be Theodore nott.

You brought it up to him years later when you two had become friends and he said he never cared for blood status like his other peers seemed too. You had admired his different view,

Little did you know he would become just like his other peers.

You stood out in the garden, tears pouring down your cheeks and anger seething through your veins.

"Okay. Throw me away like I'm fucking nothing, tell me you hate me, tell me you want me leave and I will." You said as the clouds above you darkened and the roared with thunder.

He looked at you. This was only the second time tonight he had made eye contact, and Everytime he did, you could've sworn you saw something under his dark cloudy eyes. But alas, you yourself were too consumed by your own feeling to see the ones he hid just beneath his rough exterior.

"I want nothing to do with you, y/n."

Your heart shattered.

The very boy who had been your first everything, your first love, your first kiss, your first. Had just told you he wanted nothing to do with you.

Without a second thought you spun on your heel and nearly jogged to the Hufflepuff dormitories.

Your heart raced as your head pounded, what had changed? When had he changed? Nothing made any sense at all.

All you could think about was how badly you wanted to just get home and cry as hard as you could.

You raced through your dorm hall, counting he doors until you reached your own.

You unlocked your dorm in one swift motion and slammed it behind you. You casted a silencing spell just as quickly as you had shut the door.

You screamed.

You screamed so loud you thought your throat was gonna give out. You slowly slid down against the wall you were leaning against as you continued to cry.

Where did you go from here? Everything you had planned for yourself included Theodore. Everything you did included him. You didn't remember a time when you didn't have him by your side at this school.

You started to piece things together, everything starting to become much clearer.

Even though you and him had been together for about six months, he insisted on not wanting to go official because of How people wouldn't approve. How he would ruin your reputation. Ha, funny to think of that now, simply for the fact that he revealed he was embarrassed of you. He didn't want you to ruin his reputation.

You cried at the realization, the screams no longer coming out.

This continued for some time, eventually you cried yourself to sleep. If you could even call it cry, at that point, there were no tears left to cry.

——

The Slytherin common room was quiet, except for the quiet fire crackling in the mere background.

But Theodore couldn't help but zone it all out.

He sat in the love seat with his legs wide open, his leg bouncing up and down quickly.

Your expression after he had crushed your heart into millions of pieces replayed in his mind for the millionth time that night.

He'd always be so quick to hurt anyone who ever made you hurt, but now that he was the one that had caused you such distress, he couldn't help but be filled with self loathe.

Then he remembered the reason. He had to do it. He had no other choice but to break your heart so you'd never love him again.

You shouldn't love a monster like him.

Especially not after his father had told him about his relation with the dark lord. His family was involved with horrible things, he was Involved with horrible things.

He always thought he deserved better, but he held too much love for you to let you go.

Then he realized what his father had been planning for him. What he had for his future.

He couldn't bring you down with him. You had so many things planned for yourself, you had a life to live. He couldn't bear to see you get dragged down by him.

You. His piccola colomba. His principessa. His mondo. He would rather stay loving you from afar than infect you with his disease. His curse.

He felt the tears welling up in his eyes as he looked at the bracelet on his wrist, the one you had the matching half too. He should've thrown in the fireplace, go ahead and get it over with.

But he could never, for it was all he had left of you and him.

His brain went over the argument again, remembering the blonde girl you had referred too.

That was the girl his father had set him up to marry, the one that he expected him too marry.

She was the ideal wife in his father’s eyes; she was pureblood, top of her class, and a fantastic wizard.

Theodore could've given two shots about any of that, because as long as she wasn't you he'd never love her. He'd never love anyone. Not like he loved you. Not like he breathed for you.

No one could replicate how you held his very existence in your gentle hands.

He let the tears slip past his cheeks, not caring anymore. He had last the one thing he wanted. The only thing he'd ever needed.

He could feel his very heart breaking as he clutched his chest and his face twisted in pain; the pain of losing his Amore.

——

Two weeks had passed since that night. The night you left your heart on the concrete out by the garden.

Your friends were so worried for you, forcing you to leave your dorm after the first three days and you still hadn't left. You were completely and utterly broken.

You forced yourself to attended school, your parents would kill you if you failed over just some boy.

Except he wasn't just some boy. He was the love of your life. He'd always hold that spot, even if he didn't want to anymore.

Everyone was just trying to get to their classes, the hallways filled to the brim with people. You numbed shoulder with a few people, offering them nothing more than a quiet "my bad."

Your shoulders hung low. You had tried your best that morning to put yourself together; you wanted to look somewhat presentable, but everyone knew something had happened. Your baggy eyes and solemn look were a clear tell tale sign of your state.

The passing period was only a short 3 minutes, but usually it felt as if you were given thirty seconds to race to your next class. This time however, it felt more like three hours.

Your feet dragged heavily behind you, your mind somewhere off in the distance. Class seemed to fly by, the professors words muffled by your thoughts, to be more specific, your lack of thoughts.

It was clear to you, and anybody who knew you on first name basis, you were miserable.

——

"You're a fucking idiot." Pansy sat, mouth ajar and eyes wide open as she listened to Theodore nott.

"No, I'm not. I'm protecting her, I can't let myself ruin her." He said through gritted teeth, the cigarette in his hand nearly crumbling beneath his grip.

He hadn't smoked since he'd gotten with you, you'd made sure of it. Of course he'd listen to his beautiful girl, anything to make you happy. He turned to the only thing he had without you.

"Salazar save me..Theodore. You aren't protecting shit. She's already ruined, and you did that by leaving her." She nearly spat the words, her expression nothing short of sour. "That girl loved you, she told me every chance she could get. I don't know what weird shit you got going on, but I can tell you that she is the only person who would hold your hand through it."

Theodore stared at the ground, his eyes fixated on the wooden flooring.

He knew she was right. He knew she was hurting more than he'd ever intended. He couldn't help but want to punch the wall next to him, but he decided to refrain from violence.

"I," he paused for a moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'm so fucking stupid.., ho ferito l'unica persona che amavo veramente." He clutched his head in his hands. (I hurt the only person I truly loved.)

"Yeah. You are. " she said with little to no sympathy in her voice. "You are an idiot, an idiot who needs to fix what he fucked up."

He knew exactly what she meant, but he as unsure if you'd want to see him, unsure if you be okay with letting the man who broke your heart into your dorm.

He remembered all the horrible things he said and could barely hold back the pain that wanted to erupt into his heart. He had to make it right. He had to do it for his sweet girl. His columba. His future.

He gave pansy one last glance and then left the room with no more words exchanged between the two.

——

You sat in front of your mirror, picking at any spot that stuck out on your face.

You had just finished your nightly routine, slowly checking off each box form your nightly ritual. All except one; wallow in self pity, which happened to be your recent favorite.

Your hands stopped their ministrations on your face as you heard a knock on the door. Who'd be here at this hour?

You got up and walked to your door, trying to brainstorm on who it could be, maybe your friends asking for there homework answers, or a prefect doing room checks.

You opened the door ready to greet the person with a smile.

Your heart dropped.

Oh. It was him. Theodore was standing at your door, looking disheveled and frantic.

Your words died in your throat as you suddenly felt helpless.

"Hi." He said without breaking eye contact. You just stared at him unable to respond with confidence.

"Why are you here.?" You said with heartbreak lacing your sorrowful tone.

"I...I know I'm probably the last person you want to see," you wrapped you arms around yourself, attempting to comfort yourself. You stopped yourself from interrupting him and let him continue. "But I..just need to tell you the truth."

You stared at him with a confused expression.

"you've told me more than enough, Nott." Your words came out airy, and high pitched.

"No—no. I have not." He stated while staring into your very soul, stripping you bare.

You looked at him through your eyelashes, holding back every hateful thing you had to say.

"Come inside." You said while sighing deeply. Theodore's eyes shot open with shock, eagerly stepping inside your dorm room.

You stood by your closet door, waiting for him to continue, eyes watery and lips quivering.

"I'm— im so sorry... I thought that-that maybe if I ended things I could protect you. Maybe if I broke your heart you would hate my guts and leave." He sputtered out all his words at once while his voice shook and for the first time since you and him had gotten together, you saw Theodore Nott cry.

"Protect me? What could you possibly be protecting me from by leaving me." You wanted to hold him and console the boy who had shown you nothing but love, but you couldn't let a few tears break you.

He sighed at your words.

"Amore, I was protecting you from me. I don't deserve you, and I can't let myself intoxicate you. You're too...perfect." He nearly whispered as he took a step closer.

"Dont do that," you said softly "don't say all that..., you told me you were just using me." Your eyes overfilled with tears, a few slipping past your cheek bones.

"I know. I know what I said , and if I could beat myself up for hurting you I would. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you, but I was so, so wrong." He explained through a strained voice.

You wiped your face, trying to understand what he was saying. "Theodore im confused, i have loved you ever since third year. I gave you my everything, what made you think you could've scared me off now?" You questioned with your brows furrowed.

He took a deep breath in.

"I'm not—I'm not a good person, Bambina. My family Aren't good people. They want to...hurt people and they're taking me down with them. I couldn't let them take you too, not when you mean the most anyone has ever meant to me, Bella Ragazza."

You let out a shaky sigh as your eyes grew a little wider.

It was silent for a while before you finally figured out what you wanted to say.

"First, it doesn't matter what happens, I will always love you, Theo." You looked him in the eyes with tears streaming down your face and hitting the wooden floors gently.

"Second," you closed your eyes for a moment.

"I want to forgive you so bad, I want to hug and kiss you with so much need, but....im still so hurt and confused." You mumbled while rubbing the sides of your arms.

Theodore wanted to stab himself in the heart for making you cry this much.

"I understand that, colomba. Ask me anything and I will give you nothing but the truth." He stated while taking another step towards you.

"That—that girl. You still were with that girl," you muttered "even if you were protecting me."

His eyes widened for a moment before he gained his composure.

"That was Irene, the girl my father had set me up to marry. She had approached me that day in hopes of getting to know me, and I just blew her off." He claimed.

You looked at him, trying to understand the boy you were in love with. Every time you'd thought you knew everything about him, it somehow became more clear that you didn't at all.

"You don't have to forgive me now, but I need you to know that there is no one after you. Sei e sarai il mio primo ed unico more. I will love you until my heart stops beating, and I will never forgive myself for the way I hurt you over these past few weeks." He stated through voice cracks and small hiccups.

You let a sob rip through you once again.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, but I realize now that I was being selfish. And for that I am eternally sorry." He exclaimed with a gruff voice.

You saw the tears slip past his face, the way he stood with defeat and sorrow pulsing through his body. You couldn’t watch anymore.

You took two large strides towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. He wasted no time in hugging you back, pressing his lips to your head gently.

He missed you more than he could ever explain in words, your scent alone gave him an unhealthy dose of serotonin.

“I’m so sorry.” He sniffled. You both stood there for awhile, allowing yourselves to make up for missed time.

“I’m so, so sorry, Amore.” He said while pulling you back to look in your eyes.

“I know, Theo. I know.” You reassured him with a soft caress through his curly locks.

He slowly brought his own lips to meet your own, bringing you into a hungry yet gentle kiss.

His lips danced with yours the kiss slowly becoming more than just soft pecks. A sudden surge of heat ran through your body as you slowly pushed him towards your bed.

The back of his knees hit your bed causing him to fall backwards on it, and you wasted no time in straddling him.

His hands secured your hips on his laps as he let his lips wander from your mouth. He showered your neck and collarbone in sloppy kisses.

“Theo..” you moaned out, hands making their way into his hair.

“You deserve so much better than me, colomba.” He groaned imbetween his ministrations on your neck.

You gasped as you felt his hands digging into the fat of your ass.

You then felt a wave of doubt hit you. You remembered how his parents had set him up with that girl, how the whole reason he had ended it was because of his parents; how would everything work out now, it’s not like anything had changed.

“Theodore…your father.” You mumbled as you pulled his head from your neck.

“Dont really think my father is my main issue right now,” he gave you a lopsided grin as you felt the hard on he had been trying to hide under you.

You slapped his chest playfully.

“No, I mean.. he doesn’t want us together. How is everything gonna work out if he’s the reason we couldn’t work in the first place.” You questioned doubtfully.

He looked at your with love lacing his already cloudy eyes, his large hand coming up to play with the hair in your face. He knew exactly in this moment what he was missing his entire life, why he felt so incapable of loving someone. It’s because he hadn’t met you yet.

When his mother died and he saw how little his father cared, he had thought that love wasn’t real. That it was simply just a concept, a mere after thought at most.

But you taught him the truth.

You taught him that love wasn’t just some feeling, it was a person. And for him, that person was you.

“I don’t care about what he wants y/n, because I know what I want. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I know that I want to be your one and only.” He said breathlessly,

“I know that I want you.”

#slytherin #harry potter #thedore nott x reader #hogwarts #theodore nott #theodore nott oneshot #theodore nott scenarios #harry potter fanfiction #Harry Potter fandom #mdni #angst with a happy ending #reader x character #I love him #he’s so hot omg

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alexa-yukiyu · 6 months ago

Note

First off i love all of you one piece fics. I just recently got into the fandom again and i found you fics and they are just amazing

I wanted to request whitebeard crew x teen reader

This js kinda based of my cat, so here's the backstory, we originally had 2 cats until recently when my mom brought back a "stray", really cuddly cat and we all loved it, unfortunately later it turned out that this stray was already someone's cat so we gave it back, but while it was here one of the original cats was really jealous. Usually she hates being picked up except when it's me, but while the "stray" stayed with us she became really mean and not even I was allowed to pick her up

And I wanted to ask if you could write something similar to this, were the whitebeards maybe pick up another teen or just a new crewmate and the reader is kinda jealous/mean and scared the they might be replaced (abandonment issues) and maybe add one person they usually have a great relationship with but suddenly they completely avoid/ignore them and won't let anyone be near them.

I hope you can work with this, sorry for writing so much

Have a great day/night and know that you are amazing!! <3

First Envy (teen!Marco x winged!teen!reader)

A/N . Throwing a tantrum because I left the app to get a pic of young marco to share and tumblr deleted my progress. Anyhow something about young marco just tickles my fancy, he’s just such a goofy guy and even more lovable

Reader here is replaced by Dokucha which stands for reader in japanese for the enjoyment of both reader and oc characters both!

Dividers by @/firefly-graphics

“Come on, Dokucha! Join the party!” Vista called excitedly

“You can’t drink yet, but there are a lot of other things you can do; we have set up a lot of games since we have more kids around,” he prattled on, only to pause and wince at the glare the teen sent their way.

“Okay… I’ll leave you be then,” he muttered as he backed away from them and turned around, making a quick exit.

Dokucha sighed, watching from their place on the nest as the rest of the crew below them partied; what brought a scowl to the face, however, was the center of the celebration: their newest addition to the crew, Momonosoke.

They enviously observed as everyone fretted over him, ensuring he didn’t run anywhere dangerous or, God forbid, fall and start crying. Oh, the cries. Every time they cried, it was as if everything had to stop in order to check on him.

“If you stare any harder, Momo won’t survive-yoi!”

“Huh?” They snapped their head around at the sound only to see an empty space beside them rather than a person.

“Up Here-yoi!” Marco laughed as he called to the teen, his devil fruit activated as he used his wings to hold himself upside down in the air.

“Agh! Marco! I told you to stop doing that!” they called, scurrying back to make space between them.

“Haha! But your reactions are just the best-yoi!” he cackled, righting himself up and perching on the railings of the nest.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was lonely down there-yoi! I was missing my best mate!” he called jovially.

“Din’t seem that way, you seem to be just fine with the new people,” they sneered, taking hold of a rope and swinging themselves to an adjacent crow’s nest, their wings flapping on instinct behind them.

“You mean Momo? Well, it is refreshing to have new faces, not to mention that they are quite adorable!” he gushed, a small blush on his face as he did.

“Then, by all means, please go and spend your precious time with them.” They scoff, turning away from them, earning Marco a frown as he glided his way down, straight onto Whitebeard’s shoulder.

“Hey Pops! Something’s going on with Dokucha.”

“Hah, What do you mean?” he grumbled, looking up at his youngest

“Well, they are kind of snappy-yoi”

“They are always snappy, Marco,” he called with a roll of his eyes.

“Huh? No, they’re not. I mean, they aren’t a ray of sunshine, but they aren’t snappy, either. But now they seem to have been avoiding me. They seem to have been like this since Momo arrived,” he mused as a thought hit him.

“Are they jealous of the baby-yoi?!”

“Marco, you idiot!” he growled, bringing his fist down on the armrest of his chair, scaring Marco enough to make him jump off the older man’s shoulders.

“P-Pops?” he called as he took to hovering in front of the man.

“They’re scared!” he snapped.

“Of a baby?!” he cried.

“Listen Here, Marco, the kid has been here for a month. Do you remember where we rescued them from? How they were?! They were close to dying with their wings completely mangled! They are still trying to get used to the fact that not everyone out there is an abusive bastard that will sell them for some spare change!” Whitebeard barked

“T-They think we’re going to leave them?! But we aren’t! Can’t you talk to them, Pops?”

“That’s no good; they won’t listen to me,” he muttered as he tilted his tokkuri all the way, u,p, taking in every drop of the sake inside.

“What is that supposed to mean-yoi? Who would they listen if not you, Pops?” he asked as he flew closer to the man, his worry increasing as time went on.

“You! You Moron!” He boomed

“Me?!”

“Marco, I took them in, but they only trust you at this moment; they relate the most to you physically,” he started, gesturing to his avian features

“And you are the closest in age to them, too,” he finished. It was a small detail, seeing as the next youngest, Vista, was only 2 years older than Marco, standing at seventeen, but it seems that to the thirteen-year-old, this was a significant gap that his older sons were still unable to cross. However, he thought this to not be the defining factor, unlike the features that they both seem to share, Especially now when the teen found themselves in a stage where they had to re-learn everything that had to do with their wings as the appendages slowly grew back, as such they did the most reasonable thing and looked for the person who could guide them, Marco.

“I thought I told you to leave,” they snarled, hearing the flapping of wings behind them and the breeze of wind that came from them.

“You did-yoi.”

“You talked to the old man? He put you up to this?”

“Not really-yoi, he did made me realized you might be feeling lonely though!” he called flying In front of them, giving them no other option but to pay attention to the teen.

“You know we’re just excited for Momo to be here, right? We’re happy you’re here too,” he asked, getting excited as they hummed in response, knowing that they had caught their attention.

“You’re one of us, too,” he grinned, putting himself upside down once again.

“Besides! can’t imagine being without a flying buddy! t was starting to get on my nerves to be the only one able to do air scouting-yoi!” letting out a snicker as he noticed their bashful response at his honest words.

“I can’t really do much of that right now, though,” they muttered, glancing at their tiny stubby wings.

“You will, but you still won’t be able to beat me, so don’t get your hopes up,” he teased.

“As if! give it a few months, you will be eating those words!”

“You’re on-yoi.”

“Ha! I don’t need them to beat you now!” They smirked, taking hold of the ropes once again as they swung away, grabbing a hold of another rope as soon as their current one ran out, effectively gliding around the ship with little to no effort.

“You better not regret taking me on-yoi.” He called as he righted himself and propelled himself forward right after Dokucha.

“Ha! You show that prick, Dokucha! Someone has to put him in his place!” Fossa grinned as his crewmates joined in, cheers and whistles sounded across the Deck as the two avians traversed the ship, their own glee evident.

Look at this goofy guy

Was trying to find the one of him upside down but this will do. Also this fic just made me realized that Marco isin’t the oldest one in the crew :p I had thought he was older than the other commanders but theres like five older than him.

Taglist:

@Imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

@hannahbarberra162

@epochal-oracle

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paucubarsisimp · 3 months ago

Note

Hi darling, sorry if I’m rambling a bit, I swear I didn’t mean to write this much, I don’t even know how it got this long, but I would love if you could write something like this for Jude, only if you feel comfortable with it, of course!

So, the idea is that the reader and Jude have been having this little romance, but the problem is, the reader ends up falling for him without meaning to. Scared of her feelings and how intense everything is getting, she decides to visit her parents, hoping to distract herself and clear her head. What she doesn't know, though, is that her parents were already expecting guests — she just didn’t ask much about it.

It turns out, the guests are no other than Jude's family. Her dad and Jude's dad are old friends who lost touch a bit due to Jude's career, so it’s been years since they all got together. Jude's parents still remember the reader as the sweet little girl she used to be, but now she’s very much not that anymore.

And the real twist? Jude is there too. They meet again under the same roof, full of unresolved feelings, stolen glances, tension, and emotions the reader was trying so hard to run away from.

untold feelings

pairing: jude bellingham x reader

summary: basically the request, idk how to summarise this

warnings: none! maybe js a sprinkle of angst?

tagged: @barcapix, @universefcb,@joaosnovia, @ilovebarcaaaa, lmk if you want to be added to the taglist!

it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

the relationship — or whatever it was, really — with jude had started so effortlessly. a few casual flirts here and there, some late-night texts, stolen moments that felt like the world was shifting under your feet. and somewhere between the laughs and the smiles, you realized you were falling for him.

that wasn’t part of the plan.

at first, you tried to brush it off. you told yourself it was just fun, just a phase. but every time he smiled at you, every time you found yourself tangled in the soft glow of his gaze, you couldn’t ignore it anymore. the pull. the intensity. your heart racing every time he was near. and that terrified you.

you didn’t want to fall for him. you couldn’t. he was a rising star, and you were just… you. someone who’d been chasing fleeting moments of happiness, only to get tangled in emotions you weren’t sure how to handle.

so, you did what anyone running from feelings would do — you ran.

you packed a bag and decided to visit your parents for a while, hoping the change of scenery would clear your head. you needed space. you needed to breathe without jude’s presence looming over you like a weight on your chest.

but what you hadn’t anticipated was the guest list.

when you stepped into your parents’ house, the usual peace of the place was broken by the sound of voices in the living room. you had expected the calm, the familiarity of home, but not this — not the low murmur of conversation or the laughter that felt oddly out of place.

“i didn’t know you were expecting guests,” you called, the surprise leaking into your tone.

your mom appeared in the doorway with a smile that quickly faded into a curious expression. “oh, sweetheart, you’re here! i didn’t think you’d make it in time… but look who’s visiting.”

you stepped forward, your mind still processing the situation. your gaze flicked toward the living room, and there, standing like an uninvited guest in the middle of your quiet home, was none other than jude.

his eyes widened in recognition. he was frozen for a moment, clearly just as surprised to see you as you were to see him. it was like the world stopped, and all you could hear was the soft hum of your own heartbeat.

you didn’t know what to say.

“jude?” your voice broke the silence, your breath catching in your throat.

he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out at first. finally, he chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “well, this is… unexpected,” he muttered, a hint of disbelief in his tone.

your parents were talking casually about something else, oblivious to the tension now hanging in the air. your mom motioned for you to come closer. “don’t be shy, dear. you know jude’s family, don’t you?”

“yeah,” you managed, your words feeling distant. “i know them.”

but this? this was… something entirely different.

jude’s parents, denise and mark, immediately greeted you as though it had been years since they last saw you — which, technically, it had. denise gave you a warm hug, ruffling your hair affectionately, like she used to when you were younger. mark, always the more reserved of the two, gave you a firm handshake and a kind smile. jude’s younger brother, jobe, stood off to the side, eyeing you curiously.

you nodded politely, though you barely heard their conversation. jude’s presence was like a weight on your chest, heavy and familiar.

you had tried so hard to forget how much you cared for him, to shut down the feelings that threatened to spill over the moment you saw him again. but standing there, under the same roof as jude, all of that effort seemed pointless.

why is he here? you wanted to ask.

but you couldn’t. because the answer was obvious. his father was an old friend of your dad’s, and they had likely reconnected after years of distance — a distance caused by jude’s skyrocketing career.

he still looked the same. taller, maybe, but the boyish charm was still there. the same smile, the same confidence that made your heart flutter even as you tried so hard not to let it.

you caught his eye across the room, and for a split second, it felt like you were the only two people in the house. but then, quickly, he turned his attention back to his parents.

you sighed quietly to yourself. you were trapped. there was no escaping the mess of emotions swirling inside you. no running away anymore.

the evening passed in a blur. the conversation continued around you, but you barely registered it. jude’s parents were asking about your life, your family, your work. it all seemed so distant compared to the internal war raging inside you.

you had to get out.

with a polite smile, you excused yourself and retreated to the back of the house, pretending to check your phone or needing a breath of fresh air. you stepped outside, the cool air hitting your face like a splash of cold water. you walked down the familiar path to the backyard, trying to focus on anything but the overwhelming feeling of jude’s presence in your home.

how did this happen? you thought, standing still under the quiet night sky. how did we end up here, like this, when i’ve been trying so hard to move on?

you tried to breathe, tried to forget, but the moment you closed your eyes, you could still feel jude’s presence in the room, his eyes watching you, his voice lingering in the air. you couldn’t escape it.

the night stretched on, and you found yourself pacing the backyard, unsure of how to handle the storm brewing inside you. jude’s presence was like an uninvited guest at your own party, making everything feel tense and unfamiliar. the old, familiar feelings were creeping back in, despite all your attempts to bury them.

you glanced at the back door, wondering if you should go back inside, pretend that you were fine, that everything was normal. but a part of you knew it wasn’t normal. not anymore.

the sound of footsteps behind you made you freeze, your breath catching in your throat. you didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

“you okay?” jude’s voice was soft, almost hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure whether to approach you or give you space.

you spun around slowly, your heart racing. jude stood just a few feet away, his hands shoved in his pockets, looking at you with that familiar intensity that made your chest tighten. the way his eyes searched yours made it feel like there was no one else around.

“yeah,” you said, though the word felt hollow. “just needed some air.”

he took a step closer, his gaze flicking toward the door. “you don’t seem like you’re okay.”

you didn’t have an answer. how could you? how could you explain to him the whirlwind of emotions you were feeling without sounding like you were losing your mind? the truth was, you were anything but okay.

“i don’t know what’s happening,” you muttered, more to yourself than to him. “everything’s just… messed up.”

jude didn’t speak right away. instead, he closed the gap between you, standing so close that you could feel the warmth of his presence, the familiar scent of his cologne mixing with the cool night air.

“it’s not messed up,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “we’re just… different now. things have changed. that’s all.”

his words made your heart skip, and for a moment, you wished you could just forget everything. forget the feelings that were pushing their way to the surface, the confusion, the fear.

but it wasn’t that simple, was it?

you took a small step back, trying to put some distance between the two of you. “no, it’s not that easy,” you said, your voice more firm than before. “i can’t just… ignore how i feel, jude. i can’t keep pretending this is just some casual thing when it’s not.”

he flinched, his brow furrowing as he took in your words. you saw something flash across his face — guilt, maybe, or maybe something else entirely. but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared, replaced with that same stoic expression that always seemed to distance him.

“i’m not pretending either,” he said, his voice low. “i feel it too. you think i don’t know what this is doing to both of us?”

the words hit you harder than you expected. there was no pretending, no avoiding it. jude felt the same way, and somehow, that made it worse.

you swallowed hard, your chest tight. “then why… why are we doing this? why are we playing this game when we both know it’s more than that?”

jude stepped closer again, his hand reaching out, fingers brushing against yours in a fleeting touch that sent a jolt of electricity through your body. “because it’s easier this way,” he murmured. “it’s easier to pretend we don’t care, to ignore it, than to actually face the mess it would make.”

you stared at him, the words echoing in your head. easier to pretend.

was that really how it was? or was he just too afraid to admit what was between you two? the connection, the spark that had always been there, but was now too big to ignore.

“but it’s not easy,” you whispered, your voice shaking slightly. “not anymore.”

for a moment, jude didn’t say anything. he just stood there, looking at you with a mixture of confusion and understanding. the tension between you two was palpable, thick enough that you could almost taste it.

“maybe we don’t need to pretend anymore,” he said softly. his eyes never left yours, and for the first time, you saw something raw in them — vulnerability, something he never showed anyone.

your heart pounded in your chest as you looked at him. jude bellingham, the one person you had been running from for weeks, was standing right in front of you, his emotions laid bare. he wasn’t hiding from you anymore, and it made everything feel so much more real.

but that was the problem, wasn’t it? the moment you stopped pretending, everything became real.

you wanted to say something, anything, but the words stuck in your throat. how could you even begin to explain the mess inside your head? how could you ask him for something you didn’t even fully understand yourself?

before you could speak, jude took a deep breath and stepped back, breaking the moment. “look,” he said, his tone shifting. “i didn’t come out here to make this harder for you. i just… i just wanted to check on you.”

you nodded slowly, feeling the weight of the unspoken words still hanging between you. “thanks,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

jude hesitated, then gave you a small, almost sad smile. “i’m here, if you need me. you know that, right?”

you didn’t know how to respond, but you managed a faint smile. “yeah, i know.”

he nodded, then turned to walk back inside. you stood there for a moment longer, watching him go, the feelings swirling inside you like a storm you couldn’t control.

things were never going to be the same again.

the next morning, you woke to the sound of laughter drifting through the house. the kind of laughter that filled the entire space, making everything seem lighter, as though the weight of last night had somehow lifted in your sleep.

you rolled over, squinting at the clock. it was already late, too late to be in bed when everyone was up and moving. you let out a small sigh and pulled yourself out of bed, throwing on some comfortable clothes before heading downstairs.

the moment you stepped into the kitchen, you were greeted by the scent of freshly brewed coffee and the sight of your dad, jude’s dad, mark, and the rest of the family sitting at the table.

jude was there, too.

he looked up as you entered, offering a small, knowing smile, but you could see the tension in his eyes. you both had spent the night avoiding each other after that conversation outside, but neither of you could ignore the air between you.

“morning,” you said, trying to sound casual, even though everything inside you felt anything but.

“hey, there you are,” your dad said, looking up from his coffee with a smile. “how’d you sleep?”

“fine,” you muttered, giving him a half-smile as you moved toward the coffee pot.

“you’re just in time for breakfast,” mark said with a grin. “we’re all catching up. haven’t seen your dad in years.”

you nodded, but your attention was fixed on jude. he wasn’t looking at you anymore, but you could feel the weight of his presence. it was almost like you were in the same room but still miles apart.

“yeah, it’s been too long,” your dad agreed, clearly enjoying the reunion. “so, jude, how’s everything going with football? must be keeping you busy, huh?”

jude gave a tight smile, his usual charm not quite reaching his eyes. “yeah, it’s been hectic. but it’s good. busy is better than the alternative, right?”

“for sure,” your dad said, clearly impressed. “you’re doing well, though. the whole family’s proud of you.”

“thanks,” jude replied, his voice quieter than usual.

you poured yourself a cup of coffee, taking a deep breath before sitting down at the table. you didn’t know how you were going to get through this morning without making everything awkward. the air was thick, and every time your gaze flicked to jude, it felt like the space between you grew.

you stirred your coffee, trying to find something to say, but nothing seemed to come out right. how could you make small talk when all you could think about was last night?

it wasn’t long before the conversation shifted to the weather, and everyone fell into a more comfortable rhythm. but every now and then, your eyes would meet jude’s, and for a split second, you’d catch that look in his eyes — that unspoken connection, that weight between you two that no one else could see.

after breakfast, your dad suggested a walk around the neighborhood. jude’s parents seemed eager to go, and before you knew it, everyone was outside, enjoying the sun.

you trailed behind, your thoughts running in circles. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you weren’t supposed to be in this position, feeling this torn between the past and the present.

“hey,” a voice called from behind you, pulling you from your thoughts. you turned to find jude walking toward you, his hands in his pockets, his gaze flickering nervously to the side.

“hey,” you said, keeping your tone neutral, though your heart was racing.

he stopped just a few feet away from you, the space between you two suddenly feeling impossibly small. “look, about last night—”

“jude,” you interrupted, unable to keep the frustration from creeping into your voice. “we don’t have to talk about it. it was… a lot.”

he hesitated, his lips pressed together as if he were trying to find the right words. “i know. but i just… i didn’t want you to think that i didn’t mean what i said. i wasn’t just saying it to say it. i care about you, okay?”

the words hit you harder than you expected, catching you off guard. you blinked, trying to process what he’d said.

“you care about me?” you echoed, your voice barely above a whisper.

“yeah,” jude replied, his voice soft but firm. “i do. i’ve always cared about you. even when we were younger. i didn’t just forget about you, you know?”

his words felt like a punch to the gut, and you had to steady yourself against the nearest tree. you hadn’t been prepared for this, for him to put all of that out there.

“i never forgot about you either,” you said, your voice shaky.

the moment hung between you, the weight of everything that had been left unsaid building between you both. you were both standing in the same place, but you were miles apart in your heads.

“so… what does that mean for us now?” you asked quietly, dreading the answer but knowing it was something you had to hear.

jude looked down for a moment, then back up at you. “i don’t know,” he admitted. “but i’m not running from this anymore. i’m not pretending it’s nothing.”

you swallowed hard, trying to process it all. everything felt like it was coming at you too fast. the feelings, the uncertainty, the fear of what might come next.

“me neither,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him.

jude stepped closer, his eyes searching yours. “so… what now?”

you looked away, feeling a mixture of longing and doubt swirling inside of you. you didn’t have the answers. you didn’t know what the future held, but you couldn’t keep running from it.

“i don’t know,” you admitted, voice trembling. “but i think… i think we need to figure it out.”

he nodded, looking relieved, but there was still that heavy silence between you two. it wasn’t resolved yet, not by a long shot, but for the first time, you didn’t feel like you were facing this alone.

the rest of the afternoon felt like a blur, every moment dragged out in a haze of nervous tension. you and jude barely spoke again after your walk, each of you lost in your thoughts, avoiding one another but never truly out of sight. jude’s family stuck around for a while longer, filling the house with conversations that seemed to bounce off the walls, but you couldn’t shake the heaviness in your chest.

every time you caught jude’s eye, the air around you thickened, charged with unspoken words and emotions neither of you knew how to articulate. you weren’t sure how long you could keep avoiding this.

later that evening, after everyone had left and the house was quiet again, you found yourself sitting at the kitchen table, staring at your phone. there were a million things you could do — call a friend, watch something mindless on Netflix, drown yourself in something that could pull your mind away from the mess inside it. but nothing seemed like it would help. nothing could distract you from jude.

you jumped when the back door opened and jude stepped inside, the sound of the door closing softly behind him.

“hey,” he said, his voice cautious, as if unsure whether he should even be here.

“hey,” you replied, without looking up from your phone, hoping that the distraction would somehow keep your emotions at bay.

jude hesitated, then took a few steps forward. “you okay?”

you finally looked up, meeting his gaze. it felt like you were staring at him for the first time, really seeing him. his eyes were heavy with something you couldn’t quite name, a vulnerability that was almost too much to bear.

“i’m… i don’t know,” you admitted, your voice soft. “i’m just trying to figure things out.”

he nodded slowly, his expression unreadable. “me too.”

you both stood there in silence, the quietness of the house pressing in on you, making it all feel too real. too much.

finally, jude took a step closer, his eyes flicking to your phone as if it were the only thing stopping you from having a real conversation. “so… what now?” he asked again, his voice lower this time, like he was afraid of the answer.

you didn’t know. you didn’t know what now even meant anymore. you didn’t know if you were supposed to put the walls back up, ignore the feelings growing between you two, or if this was the moment to break through the barrier and admit that there was something more.

you opened your mouth, but no words came out at first. you closed your eyes, letting out a long, shaky breath. “i don’t know, jude. i just… everything feels… complicated.”

he moved closer, standing beside the table now. you could feel the warmth of his presence, the space between you shrinking with every passing second. his hand hovered near yours, like he wanted to reach out but wasn’t sure if it was okay.

“complicated?” he echoed, a small, half-laugh escaping his lips. “i guess that’s one way to put it.”

you let out a humorless chuckle, the tension between you both palpable. “i can’t keep pretending like this doesn’t matter,” you said softly, looking up at him. “i can’t keep pretending that it’s just some fling. Imatter to you, and you matter to me.”

his expression softened, his lips pressing together in a tight line as he reached for your hand, his fingers brushing against yours like he was testing the waters.

“i never wanted it to be casual, not really,” jude said quietly. his hand moved to cover yours fully, warmth spreading from his touch to your chest. “i just didn’t know how to tell you. didn’t know what to say when i started feeling… this.”

your heart skipped at his words, and for a brief moment, everything else faded away. the world seemed to shrink down to just the two of you, standing in the kitchen, hearts laid bare for the first time.

“you should’ve told me,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “i was scared too, jude. scared of what we were, scared of what this could be.”

“i know,” he said, his thumb brushing over your hand gently. “but i didn’t want to mess it up.”

“so what now?” you asked again, finally daring to meet his eyes.

this time, jude didn’t look away. he stepped closer, closing the distance between you, his hand still holding yours firmly. “now… we stop pretending, right? we stop being afraid of what’s between us. because it’s there, and it’s not going anywhere. we have to face it.”

his words sent a shiver down your spine. the intensity in his eyes, the sincerity in his voice — it was everything you’d been avoiding, and everything you couldn’t deny anymore.

“okay,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “okay.”

you didn’t need anything else. the words were enough to make the reality of it all sink in. this was happening. whatever was between you and jude, it was real, and it wasn’t going away.

without another word, jude leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was slow, tentative at first, like he was still unsure of how much you were ready for. but you responded, pulling him closer, letting your lips deepen the kiss as you surrendered to the emotions that had been building between you two for so long.

in that moment, you knew nothing was going to be simple anymore. there would be no easy answers, no guarantees. but for the first time in a long while, you felt like you weren’t alone.

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