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astroboots · 2 years ago

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RED FLAGS ║ PART 10

CO-WRITTEN WITH @THIRSTWORLDPROBLEMSS

Pairing: Steven Grant x female reader x Marc Spector (x hints of Jake Lockley)

Summary: You and Steven try to get used to your new life together without Marc. Or alternatively: Marc is playing (the not ridiculous and totally mature version of) Hide and Seek.

Content: mild angst, implied mentions of child abuse (blink and miss it), reminiscing about fish death, otherwise quite tame for me.

Word Count: 10,000 words

Series Masterlist | Astroboot’s Masterlist | Thirstworldproblemss’ Masterlist

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You

Steven and I were at a bookstore today and I saw a very grumpy pug that reminded me of you.

Steven wants a dog now. If you don’t want that you need to come back because I’m not gonna stop him.

Weeks have passed since Steven’s prodigal return.

It’s almost been a return to how things were before, with Steven picking you up from work, occasional romantic dinners out, and evenings cuddled up in bed reading together or watching documentaries on the sofa.

It’s almost perfect.

It ought to be perfect.

The only thing missing from your previous routine is waking up to the quiet noise of clutter in the kitchen and the smell of breakfast filling the room, to Marc.

Your intuition had been correct: Marc is avoiding you. Despite the fact that you’ve practically moved into Steven’s flat, you’ve not seen him once.

According to Steven, Marc still fronts in the middle of the night sometimes, but to do what, you don’t know. It’s one more thing Steven “can’t tell you right now” because it’s Marc’s business. And as frustrating as that is, you don’t push—at least, not with Steven.

Instead, you’ve focused your energy on attempting to lure Marc out. Texting him at random times of the day. Cluttering up the space, leaving yours and Steven’s clothes in random spaces, putting the dishes away in the wrong order—things you know will drive him mad.

You’ve even tried staying up all night in hopes of catching Marc in the act, but the only thing you caught was sleep deprivation. It’s left you exhausted and cranky in the morning, mistake-prone at work and ready to bite everyone’s head off.

Recognizing the futility of continuing to bash your head against the wall of Marc’s stubbornness, you’ve reluctantly settled into the new status quo while you consider what to do.

Tonight you and Steven are staying in. The rain is pouring down outside, making London wet and miserable, but you’re safely ensconced in the warmth of Steven’s flat, propped up in bed while he sits nearby in his worn leather armchair, reading glasses perched adorably on his nose as he peruses a thick tome.

But for once, his studies don’t seem to be capable of holding his attention, and you keep glancing up to find him staring off into space, brow furrowed, the book abandoned in his lap.

The first time you followed his gaze to the fish tank, you’d felt a stab of worry that you’d find Gus II floating belly-up in the water, but there’s nothing out of the ordinary that you can see.

The orange goldfish is swimming across the length of the tank, happily oblivious to his predecessor’s fate and the fact that he’s being observed. The journey continues until his little fishy head bumps up against the glass panel, and he turns around, repeating the process in reverse, only to do the same thing on the other side.

It’s hardly a riveting sight, but Steven seems entirely engrossed. He looks a million miles away, lost in his thoughts.

“Do you think,” he says eventually, “that goldfish ever get lonely?”

“Oh, um…” You blink at him, a bit startled by the soft question, though you’re not sure why. It’s hardly the first time Steven has expressed concern about the wellbeing of an animal—he’s a vegan after all—and you’ve seen him beside himself while watching a killer whale hunt down baby seals on an arctic beach on Animal Planet.

This feels different somehow.

“I’m not sure actually,” you hedge, wracking your brain for a proper answer, “I know guinea pigs get lonely and are meant to be kept in pairs, but I don’t really know if the same is true of fish.”

Steven nods solemnly, and turns back to the fishtank, eyes wide and melancholy, an unhappy slump to his shoulders.

Watching him watch Gus II’s lonely, pointless vigil back and forth, you wonder if it’s Marc that Steven’s thinking about now.

If he feels lonely, having effectively lost his newly revealed other half again so soon after discovering the truth.

If he misses Marc the way you–

You shake the thought away, taking a deep breath before you hold up your phone to catch his attention.

“Shall I google it?”

Steven immediately brightens up. Quickly marking his place in the book, he sets it aside and makes his way over to join you on the bed so you can google it together.

‘Do goldfish get lonely?’

Unfortunately, no matter how many pages of results you scroll though, there doesn’t seem to be any strong consensus.

Several websites are adamant that goldfish do not feel loneliness and can live a long and happy and fulfilling life alone. But there seem to be just as many saying the opposite. An article from the Telegraph strongly admonishes its readers that goldfish should be kept in pairs at least when in captivity.

Eventually, your hour-long Google bender finally ends with you two reaching the unsatisfactory conclusion of: ‘nobody knows for sure.’

You put away your phone on the nightstand and glance at Steven. He’s staring up at the fishtank again, wringing his hands in a way that makes your chest tighten. Somehow he seems even more unsettled than before.

“You know,” you point out hopefully, “nothing we found says that having a companion would make a goldfish unhappy as long as they have enough space. And your tank is certainly large enough for two.”

When Steven doesn’t reply, you prod gently, “Would you maybe like to get Gus the Second a friend?”

At that, the tension Steven is holding finally seems to thaw, his shoulders relaxing as he turns to you.

“That’s a nice thought, isn’t it?” he says, face alight with a small, soft smile.

You

FYI we did not get robbed yesterday. Steven tried to make dinner. He’s going to try again tonight. I know you hate messes so you might want to come back to stop him.

For two men who share half of their lives with each other, there’s a distinct lack of physical evidence of Marc in Steven’s flat.

Of the hundreds of books crammed into every nook and cranny of the wooden shelves sprawled across the flat, not a single one belongs to him. The messy closet filled only with Steven’s garish patterns and oversized items. In fact, Steven's personality and interests are writ large within this space—in the half-scribbled notes left on the desk, the postcards tacked on all random surfaces, the organised chaos that seems to reign. It’s obvious that this is Steven’s home.

But is it Marc’s?

You’ve yet to identify a single item in the entire flat that belongs to him. No proof of address. Nothing.

Now that you no longer wake up to him standing in the kitchen most mornings, pottering around in that quiet calm way of his, it’s almost like he never existed in the first place.

You hate it.

You look down at the handful of mismatched flatware you’ve just put back in the drawer then back up at Steven where he stands at the sink next to you, elbow deep in lukewarm dishwater.

Even the dishes are Steven’s.

“Does Marc have another flat?” you ask, unsettled by the idea that Marc might have another home that you know nothing about.

“Don’t think so,” Steven says, glancing up from the plate he’s scrubbing, “Why?”

“He doesn’t seem to have any belongings here. I was wondering if he kept his things somewhere else.”

“He’s got a storage unit. I’ve been there once. Marc had a sad little cot setup there. Not much in the way of belongings there either. I don’t think he owns much,” he says, rinsing the plate clean.

You stare down at the tea towel, twisting it in your hands, and your stomach twists with it.

A storage unit.

With a cot.

That’s even worse, isn't it? To think that Marc might not have a home anywhere at all.

And now he’s retreating farther than ever. Ceding the daytime hours, and even most nights to Steven. Keeping nothing for himself. Your lives wiped clean of traces of Marc, the same way the flat has been.

You feel sick at the thought.

Steven doesn’t say anything more, and you don’t either. The two of you work in silence, as he washes the dishes and hands them off to you to dry and then put away in the cupboards—a bowl, another plate, a sharp knife, and then a large plain ceramic mug.

Marc’s mug.

As Steven hands it to you, you have a flash of Marc taking it from your hands, full to the brim of the coffee you made for him. The memory of his quiet “thanks” makes your heart hurt.

Christ, get it together. You’re getting soppy over a bloody tea cup, for God’s sake.

It doesn’t even really qualify as Marc’s, despite being the only one amongst Steven’s collection of mugs without a quirky motif. Marc never claimed ownership of it in any way.

Shaking your head, you walk to the cabinet and tuck the mug back up into its usual spot. As you lower your arm, the old coffee maker in the corner of the counter catches your eye, gleaming in the light of the kitchen.

It looks... remarkably clean, which, for anything in Steven's flat, is an oddity in itself. You haven’t made coffee in weeks—not since before Marc disappeared—but the glass practically shines. Reaching out, you swipe a fingertip against the top surface and frown as it comes away dust-free.

“Steven, have you been using the coffee maker lately?”

“Hmm?” He turns around, arms sudsed with dishwater up to his elbow. “No, not for years. Had to stop drinking coffee ‘cause it made me jittery—or, well, worse than I am already. Why do you ask?”

“The coffee maker’s clean. There's no dust on it at all.”

Steven hums in reply, looking like he's deep in thought.

“That’s probably Marc’s doing. He drinks coffee sometimes when he’s up running around in the middle of the night, I think.”

You nod in response, your finger lingering over the button panel.

Does this old coffee maker qualify as something of Marc’s? Perhaps there is one thing that belongs to him in the flat after all.

It’s pretty banged up. The paint is chipped, and the control panel scratched up to the point that the labels are mostly worn away. It hadn’t mattered before, as all you’d needed to know was to push the first button—the ‘ON’ button, you suppose, though the lettering has long since worn away—to start the coffee brewing, but now you stare at the thing, trying to decipher the rest of the labels.

“What does this button do?” you ask, pointing to the second button. It reads 'lay b ew' which makes no bloody sense.

Steven turns off the running tap, putting down the wet plate in his hand, and comes to stand behind you where he can peek over your shoulder at the button you’ve indicated.

“That must be the delay timer button so you can set the coffee pot at night for the morning.”

You peer into the open cupboard. Instead of the mug you’ve just put away and the drab cupboard, all you can see is Marc is sitting by the counter. The faint morning sun streaming down his wide shoulders as he tips the mug to his lips and takes a sip. An echo of warmth tingles against your fingertip at the faded scene playing out in your memory.

You lean up until you’re on your toes and take the mug, cradling it in your hands. “Do you think perhaps I could set it to make the coffee for Marc? I used to make him coffee in the mornings when we had breakfast together.”

Steven smiles at you, soft crinkles forming around his eyes. “Of course, love. I think Marc would like that a lot.”

Buoyed by his encouragement, you grab the coffee from the top shelf, reciting the water-to-coffee ratio in your head—one scoop of coffee for each ounce of water.

Reaching for the spoon you start scooping it out, smiling a little to yourself as you imagine Marc discovering the coffee you’ve made just for him.

“Love, love!” Steven half-shouts, “What are you doing?”

You stop mid-scoop, look from Steven’s face, down at the mound of ground coffee in the filter, and then back up at him. Steven looks horrified, eyes wide with a mix of surprise and genuine concern.

“Making... coffee...?” you answer hesitantly, “Is this not right? I’ve always done it like this. This is how Marc drinks it.”

“I'm pretty sure no one in their right mind drinks coffee like that,” Steven says, eyes still wide, though amusement is creeping into his voice now.

You stop and frown.

You look back down at the packet of coffee beans as you think of Marc's fingers wrapped around the handle of the mug as he took it from you. The way he’d give you a small almost-smile, looking right at home as he finished the coffee you made him down to the last drop.

“Oh.”

You

I’ve made you some coffee using the delay brew setting. It should be ready when you get up.

Steven has informed me that my coffee is in fact not drinkable. If he's right, you might need to come back and teach me how to make coffee properly.

It becomes another part of your nightly routine: prepping the coffee maker and setting out Marc's mug. You still sometimes have trouble remembering the proper (according to Steven!) water to coffee ratio, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Regardless of how much or little ground coffee you add, in the morning, without fail, you find the coffee maker empty, mug and carafe both propped up in the dishrack to dry.

You're standing at the counter one Saturday morning, tucking them both back into their proper places, when you get a text from your old mate Sam.

Sam

hey fam! guess what!

You

Sam

guess!!!

You

Guess… what?

Sam

🤨 nvm

You

Sorry, what?

Sam

really making me work for it huh

remember my mate karim?

You

No?

Sam

🐠🐠🐠 guy?

You

Oh yeah! ofc.

Sam

he just got in a one-finned goldfish like your bf was asking for. he still want it?

Steven gives you a curious tilt of his head as he reads out part of the conversation out loud when you show him the exchange. “Fish, fish, fish... guy?”

“Yeah. He has a bunch of tanks in his cellar. It’s how we got,”—you gesture vaguely at the tank containing Gus II—“this one.”

“Oh, right. You did say.”

His expression turns from confusion to a bright expression, like someone’s turned on a cartoon lightbulb behind his eyes.

“I was just thinking that I did want to get Gus a friend after all,” he says smiling enthusiastically. “Right proper bit of good timing, that is!”

Steven tilts his head to the other side, as his eyes flit across the screen like he’s rereading it, then his eyes narrow in confusion. “What does he mean by your boyfriend asking for a one-finned goldfish?”

You eye the fish as it circles the water gracefully, both fins on full display, and recall Marc's constipated expression as he had stood by the tank glaring at those very two fins.

“Marc made a big fuss about wanting to find one identical to Gus,” you tell him, as you watch Gus II knock his head up against the glass again, “down to the single fin, and I guess my friend remembered.”

From across you, Steven's gaze is fixed on the tank with a slight frown on this face. He's observing the golden fish with a vacant look in his eyes like he's watching it but not seeing it.

“You all right, Steven?”

“Yeah, I'm just...” His eyes flicker across the length of the tank, then he turns back to face you, “What I don't understand is why Marc didn’t just leave Gus’ little fishy corpse floating in the tank.”

He turns back around to face you, as he continues, “It certainly would’ve been easier. And a dead fish is more believable than one regrowing a fin, isn’t it? Pets die all the time. I might not have realised anything was off at all if he'd done that.”

It's the very same thing you’d told Marc the night he had come to you for help.

You can still remember the way he had looked standing at your door, asking for your help, hair in an uncharacteristic disarray of curls. How besides himself he was with worry for Steven’s sake.

“Marc didn't want you to be upset,” you say.

Steven looks up at your words, eyes widening with surprise.

“He knew how much Gus meant to you, and wanted to protect you from being hurt,” you continue, “That mattered to him more than anything else, I think.”

There’s a brief silence as Steven processes your words, then after a moment he lets out a quiet huff of laugh and shakes his head in disbelief.

“It’s hard to imagine Marc behaving like a parent trying to get a replacement hamster from the shop,” Steven says, giving you a wry smile, “But that’s him, isn’t it? Wanting to protect the people that matter to him at all costs. Even from things we don’t really need protecting from.”

Neither of you say anything for a few moments after that, as the sound of the Blue Planet rerun on the telly fills the silence left behind. You vaguely register Attenborough’s soothing narration in the background, but don’t take anything in when Steven eventually asks, “When do you think you’ll go meet your friend?”

“He said he was free pretty much all day today, I was thinking of heading off soon, before traffic gets too bad in the afternoon.”

Steven gets to his feet and walks over to his desk, picking up his jacket that's been slung over the back of the chair and threading his arms into the sleeves. Watching him, you half expect him to make the same assessment his grouchy alter did: Men who keep fishes in their cellar are dangerous serial killers.

Instead, Steven flashes you a sweet and benign smile.

“All right if I come along with you? I can keep you company, yeah? I know how much you hate the DLR,” he says, glancing at you for approval, and you give a quick nod.

“Besides,” he adds, eyes bright with enthusiastic wonder, like a kid who's heading off on a school trip, “I'm quite curious about the cellar aquarium. Sounds like quite the sight, and I’d like to see it with my own eyes."

You break into a smile of your own. Two men that couldn’t be further apart, and yet even with diametrically opposed reasoning, the end result is still somehow the same.

------

It's just before noon when you reach the DLR station with Steven in tow. Thankfully the crowd is nowhere near as bad as the last time you made this trip.

Still, when you enter the train, most seats are already taken. The only unoccupied spot is splattered with something unpleasant-looking, so you and Steven head down the carriage in the opposite direction. You’re lucky enough to score yourself a safety rail to hold onto just as the DLR starts its bumpy journey.

As always, the train undulates like a boa constrictor that’s managed to get into the liquor cabinet. But this time you manage to keep your footing as the carriage lurches forward by gripping the railing for dear-fucking-life.

Steven isn't quite as lucky.

You barely catch the panicked “bugger” as he starts to lose his balance, about to tip over like a helpless tortoise, and you reach out without thinking, grabbing one of his flailing hands so he doesn’t fall.

“Are you all right there, Steven?” you ask, straining to hold your position as he uses you for leverage to steady himself, and then wrapping your arm around his waist once he regains his equilibrium.

“Yeah…” he mumbles, blinking at you for a moment, a flush tinting his cheeks, “Yeah, I’m aces. Thanks for the rescue.”

He smiles down at you, eyes crinkling in a way that makes your heart flimmer erratically, and wraps his hand around the same railing you’re holding onto, fingers warm where they overlap yours.

“You’re welcome, but let’s stay like this until we get there just in case.” you say, wrapping your arm more firmly around him and snuggling into his chest. You can’t see his face but you can feel his head nod in approval.

Steven’s free hand comes up to settle over your back between your shoulders, holding you tight to him, the two of you steadying each other as the train keeps swaying forward. Even though his palm is resting over your coat, you swear you can feel his warmth through three layers of clothing.

You press your nose to the fabric of his jacket, inhaling the scent of him. He smells like his soap, the clean linens of your shared bed, and beneath that, a hint of coffee. The last one familiar these days, lingering like smoke after an extinguished fire, and it always makes you think of Marc. Irrefutable proof that he still exists in the world, even if he only ventures out into it after you fall asleep.

It’s a bumpy ride, but eventually the train slows to a stop at ‘Canning Town’ station. Just like last time, you find yourself thinking that it's almost a shame your journey on the DLR wasn't longer.

Unlike last time, a bright clear sun is shining down on you when you step out of the train, mitigating some of the November chill.

Steven’s hand curls over yours, tucking both into his pocket, and you’re glad for the added warmth as the two of you walk down the Docks, along the mismatch of newly built high-rise flats and small brick row-houses.

As you reach the familiar council estate, you spot Sam and his friends waving towards you from across the street, and Steven waves back, like they're old friends already. He’s already taking a step forward to cross at the traffic light, when you suddenly remember that despite the familiarity this will be the first time Sam and Karim meet Steven.

“Wait,” you hiss, flinging a hand out to grip his forearm, “They think you're Marc,” you warn, and Steven nods slowly with understanding on his face.

“Right,” he says, flashing you a cheeky grin, “So, emotionally constipated, perpetually frowning, and just generally a complete prat? Got it.”

His fingers come to his forehead, slicking back his hair with a touch of dramatic flair. Then he furrows his brows theatrically, lips pulling downwards into an exaggerated imitation of Marc’s frown, and you have to hide your grin as you turn to walk.

Crossing the street, Steven is visibly holding himself back. He’s pulling himself upright, as he juts his chin up in a brusque greeting, while schooling his features and tampering down the smile that you know is twitching at his lips. It’s a very commendable effort on his part.

But the moment you make it inside the house, and Steven catches sight of the hall lined with aquariums, his mock-frown falls away and his eyes widen with wonder. That uncharacteristic straight line of his lips, rounds with an audible, “wow” that slips out of him. Then he's all toothy smiles and excitement as he points to a particular colourful fish that glitters behind the glass of one of the numerous fish tanks.

You watch as he waves at the fish, and then turns around to Karim to ask a half-dozen more animated questions that the man answers with gusto.

Steven spends the whole time listening attentively as Karim gives a guided tour of his fish cellar, nodding along with undivided attentiveness as his eyes track the colourful fishes that are being introduced to him one by one.

The stark difference between Steven's and Marc’s behaviour doesn't go unnoticed.

“Your boyfriend’s like a completely different person today,” Sam remarks. “He's so… ”

He pauses mid-sentence, and hums consideringly as he observes Steven with an amused smile.

“I get it now, what you said last time—a big softie.”

Down the row of tanks, Steven is pointing excitedly at a puffy looking fish. It must be a rare one, judging from how elated he is. Despite the fact that Steven is absolutely blowing your cover, you can't help but smile fondly at his obvious excitement and joy.

“Yeah. Yeah, he really is,” you answer, as you feel a prickling warmth spread across your chest.

“So tell me,” Sam says as he grips his jaw in his hand, scratching his beard like a ponderous professor, “Which one is the real him?”

You freeze at the question, not sure how you can even begin to answer that.

Glancing over at Steven, you still see him wide-eyed and smiling, hovering over the very same goldfish tank that Marc was gruffly standing by as he was inspecting it studiously with a set frown for a replacement fish.

You give Sam the only answer that rings true to you:

“They both are.”

-----

Surely, you must be stuck in some kind of 80’s Sci-fi movie, because you seem to be trapped in a closed loop of deja-vus.

You're standing in the middle of Steven's flat, once again with a plastic bag in hand as you scoop (what is this time, a one-finned) goldfish into the large fish tank.

It lands with a distinct plop into the water, and then swims down with a pirouette around Gus II.

Steven is standing next to you by the tank, so close you’re shoulder to shoulder, huddled together, hunched over the glass, close enough for your noses to leave fog on the surface as you observe the two fishes dance around each other to become acquainted.

It all feels so similar that, when you feel his shoulder brush up against yours and that familiar pleasant tingle climbs up your back, you have to remind yourself that this time the person standing next to you is Steven, not Marc.

Turning your head, you look over at Steven who's watching the fishes intently. When he notices you staring, he slowly turns to you and smiles, eyes crinkling softly, and the joy of it lights up your chest.

You

We visited Sam and Karim again.

Say hi to Gus III. He’s the one with one fin.

Steven got very excited after seeing the fish cellar and is thinking of getting a second tank.

If you don't come back, I'll let him.

It's six pm and you’re in a hurry to get out of the office. Steven had texted earlier, asking if you wanted to try the new sushi place that opened up down the block tonight, and you are starving.

Exiting the elevator, you look around for Steven, surprised when you don’t immediately spot him. He almost always comes to pick you up now, even when you don’t have dinner plans. Perhaps he’s running late?

Susan must notice your confusion, because she catches your eye and waves you over.

“Over there, pet,” she says, pointing towards the front of the building, “Said he had to talk to someone.”

You follow her finger to see your wayward boyfriend standing with his back to you in the far corner of the reception area, phone held to his ear. The early dark outside has turned the wall of glass at the front of the building into an imperfect mirror, and you smile watching Steven gesture animatedly with his free hand as he talks to whoever’s on the other end.

“Cheers, Susan.” You give her a wave, heading off to let him know you’re done. Perhaps you can walk as he talks?

As you get closer, you can hear that there’s a plaintive tone to Steven’s murmuring, like he’s trying to plead his case to someone. You slow your approach, wondering who he’s talking to, but not wanting to interrupt in case it’s important.

“That’s not gonna happen,” he snaps suddenly, back going rigid, and you freeze in your tracks, because it’s not Steven’s voice, but a clipped, impatient American accent that you haven’t heard in forever. “There’s nothing to talk about. You’re both better off without me.”

His eyes in the mirror are narrowed and impatient. A scowl pressed between the firm line of his mouth as he glares at his own reflection.

“Marc,” you gasp his name without thought. Marc is here.

He jerks around at the sound of your voice, and for a split second, you catch sight of Marc’s eyes, wide and pained under furrowed brows, then they widen even further, brow smoothing out as he blinks several times in quick succession, looking apologetic and a little bit shellshocked. Even before he opens his mouth to speak, a part of you already knows.

“Sorry, love,” Steven says in his thick South Londoner accent, and your heart sinks to your stomach. “Marc left, it's just me now.”

He turns back to the window, and you bite down on your bottom lip, trying to tamp down the surge of disappointment and the ridiculous urge to burst into tears.

Watching Steven narrow his eyes at his reflection, you recalled what he’d said about mirrors. He hadn’t been on the phone at all, had he? Neither had Marc. They’d been communicating through the reflective surface of the glass. Talking to each other for the first time in months, and you had to go and ruin it by opening your big mouth and interrupting.

You wonder if Marc is still there in the glass, watching, but judging from the frustrated expression on Steven’s face you doubt it. He shakes his head in resignation before turning back to you, reaching over and gently tucks a lock of hair behind your ear.

“I’m sorry, love. I don’t think he’s going to come back,” he says, giving you an obviously-forced smile, “Shall we go get dinner?”

“No, I... um...” You shake your head, forcing a smile that likely doesn’t look any more authentic than his, any excitement over trying a new place drowned out by the heavy weight of disappointment and regret that sits in your stomach like a stone, “I’m not all that hungry just now. Can we just go home?”

“Of course, love. Anything you want.”

If only that were true.

You

Steven made dinner tonight. You might have burn marks on your left hand. You better come back quick before he burns down the flat.

It’s another Saturday evening and you’re prepping the coffee maker to 'delay brew' another batch of coffee for Marc. You pause, bag of ground coffee in hand, before scooping it out.

“So it’s one scoop per serving, right Steven?” you call out, just to double check, but there’s no answer, “Steven…?”

Turning, you find him bent over in front of the fish tank. In the reflection of the glass pane, you catch Steven’s distracted expression, but it takes you a few seconds to register that even though he’s staring at the tank, his eyes aren't really tracking the Gus twins.

For a heartstopping moment you think maybe Marc is talking to him again, but then you take in the way his eyes linger on the upper corner of the glass and the postcards taped there. Postcards that are nominally from his mum, though you both know better now.

“Steven,” you call again, setting down the coffee and the measuring spoon, “Everything all right?”

Steven startles, bolting upright like he’s snapping out of a trance.

“Huh!? Oh. Yeah, yes. Sorry.” He gives you a sheepish smile as you come to join him in front of the tank. “Just looking at these.”

Reaching out, he traces a finger over the edges of the postcard taped back-out to the glass surface.

“It’s a bit surreal, reading this again now that I know Marc sent it, not mum.”

There’s something bittersweet in his smile, and the way his eyes shade into mournfulness makes you want to pull him into a hug and never let go.

“Paris is lovely,” he reads out from the card. “Wish I could take you! You’d love the museums here. Love you so much, Mum.”

Then he stops, and your heart breaks a little bit as he stares down at the handwritten message.

You’re sad for Steven that words of love he had believed to be from his mum weren’t from her at all. You’re sad for Marc that he had to keep up this pretence, lonely and isolated in the far-off corners of the world, carrying the weight of the truth for both of them.

With a sigh, Steven straightens up, reaches over to carefully unpin a postcard from the wooden edge of the bookcase next to the tank and reads that one too.

“In Cairo. The pyramids reminded me of the amazing work you do at the museum. So proud of you!”

He shakes his head in amusement, chuckling lightly as he reaches over to show it to you.

“He even put a heart on it at the end,” he says, and you can’t help but smile at the image of Marc bent over some table, painstakingly signing off the card with a cartoon heart.

You watch as Steven carefully fits the pin back through the existing hole in the card and repins it to the wood before moving on to the one just below it.

“Happy birthday from New York. Wish I could be with you to celebrate with a birthday cake. You deserve the best day! Love, mum.”

That one gets a sigh, a sad smile and a small shake of his head before Steven repins it with the same meticulous care.

One by one, Steven gently detaches the postcards adorning the wooden shelves, over, under and on the sides of the tank, and reads each one aloud before returning it carefully to its place.

There must be at least fifty of them filling the space in his flat, from one remote destination after another.

Each message is filled with love and care. Words of encouragement, spelling out how proud she is of him. How much she wants for him to be happy. How she's always there for him. That she's just a phone call away. That he's never alone.

Then Steven goes quiet, head dipped, as he stares blankly at the postcard of Austria in his hand.

“The notes were always so loving and supportive, they always made me feel like I was a little bit less alone, you know?” he finally says, breaking the silence, and the corners of his mouth pulls into a sad smile again.

“I think... I think it must’ve been what Marc wanted to hear from our mum growing up but never got to. He must've wanted to make sure that someone got to hear these things from her… even if it was all just a lie.”

Shifting your feet, you simply nod at him, not knowing what else to say. Their mum is a bit of an enigma to you. Before today, you’ve only ever heard of her from Steven’s perspective as a loving and attentive mum.

But there’s no doubt, as you’re watching him now, seeing the pain etched into his face as he thinks of his mother, that the rosy image he’d painted previously is far from the full picture.

You recall that morning in the kitchen when you had first brought up the postcards to Marc. The way that Marc had hunched into himself, his usual confident stance crumbling before your eyes at the mere mention of their mother. The way he seemed to be trying to make himself invisible and wincing as if expecting a blow.

You know enough now about DID and the medical consensus on what causes it.

Steven doesn’t need to tell you much more than that, you can read between the lines well enough.

“Are you going to keep them, do you think?” you ask instead.

His head pops up, eyes wide as he blinks up at you in surprise, clutching the postcard tightly to his chest as though you might try to take it from him.

"Yeah,” he says, voice rasping quietly, then nods firmly and repeats it with more certainty the second time, “Yeah, ‘course I am. Of course. They may not have been from my mum, but they're from someone who cares about me.”

He pins the card back into place with reverent care, then lets his hands fall to his sides.

“Just wish that Marc could’ve had that for himself too, you know?”

You move forward until you’re close enough to Steven that you can slide a hand down his arm, your fingers brushing up against his wrist, and he takes a half-step closer, until his shoulder is pressing against yours.

“It’s a bit silly, you know? There was no need to go out of his way like this. I would have been none the wiser,” Steven says, smiling even as there’s a glossy sheen behind his eyes.

You know exactly what Steven means, and he’s right. It is silly. It’s also kind and unexpected and unnecessary and entirely Marc.

The easy option would have been to just leave a dead fish in the tank. It would have been even easier to not send handwritten postcards to him at all. In fact, the easiest option of all for Marc was to dump everything on Steven from the very beginning. It would have saved him a lot of headaches.

There was never any need for Marc to take all of this upon himself, carrying every burden come their way in order to spare Steven any hardships. No need for him to shoulder the entire weight of their world by himself. He didn't have to struggle alone, surrounded by millions of strangers in every corner of the world. And yet, you can’t imagine him doing otherwise.

This is quintessentially Marc, and as infuriating as it can be, you can’t fault him for it.

“Marc has his own ideas about protecting the people in his life,” you say, as you lace your fingers with Steven's, squeezing him tightly under your palm, “Even if it’s at the expense of his own well being.”

The two of you stand there in silence, interrupted only by the quiet bubbling noise coming from the tank. Surrounded by postcards written by a man who's not here, but whose presence can be felt in every nook and cranny of your life together.

Marc isn’t here, yet reminders of him are constant and inescapable. His absence is like an aching tooth that you can’t seem to keep from prodding with your tongue, a missing stair that you can’t stop tripping over.

He's everywhere you look.

Every cluttered pile of books that Steven leaves behind him when you stay in on a Saturday night, every messy detail makes you think of how Marc would want to rip out his hair, itching to clean if he saw the mess.

You're reminded of Marc on every crowded tube you take on your morning commute. Haunted by the phantom weight of his protective hand on the small of your back, the comforting pressure of Marc's arms wrapped around you to keep you steady.

Every morning when you walk into your office and catch a faint whiff of coffee from your cubicle, that fissure in your chest cracks open each time as you’re transported to the memory of waking up to the sight of Marc sitting next to you, drinking the coffee you make him with a stoic face.

Then there is the biggest reminder of all: the face of the man you love.

It's etched in the dark brown of Steven’s eyes as he smiles up at you and calls you 'love'. In the sharp line of his nose as he presses the blunt tip to your cheekbone to kiss you good morning.

Perhaps you ought to be able to ignore it and pretend that this is fine.

After all, you love Steven, and it'd be easy enough to pretend that you and Steven have reached your happily ever after. That this—your life together, just him and you, the way you’ve been since he’s returned—is your new normal, and that all of it is fine.

...But it's not fine.

You miss Marc.

You miss waking up to him lingering in the kitchen as he tidies up. Miss his half-smiles and wry jokes. Miss the comfort of his presence just by him being near you.

Somewhere along the line, in those quiet mornings together, Marc carved out a space for himself inside you. With him gone, it’s left a gaping wound in the middle of your torso, and you are haemorrhaging out without him.

Marc is important to Steven. He’s important to you too, you can admit that now. And you need to admit it to Steven as well.

You squeeze down firmly on Steven's hand, closing your eyes shut for a brief second as you take a deep breath to prepare yourself.

"Steven,” you start, “we... um... we need to talk.”

You cringe the moment the words leave your mouth, wishing you could take them back and try again. The last conversation you started this way didn’t start or end well and sent Steven into a tailspin.

Two seconds in, and you’re already messing this up. That has got to be some kind of a record.

To your surprise, Steven doesn't panic. Instead his expression softens, and he smiles indulgently at you.

"Yes, I think that's a good idea, love. There's a bit of an elephant in the room, isn’t there? A Marc-shaped elephant, yeah?”

His blunt cheekiness cuts through any lingering hesitance in you, and you nod.

“I miss him,” you admit, before trailing off, “I…”

You don't know how to say this.

There are no words in the dictionary that can adequately convey what you’re feeling. How you can love Steven so much, be so deliriously happy to be with him, but still feel like there are sharp jagged pieces cutting large holes into you because Marc isn't there.

“I know,” Steven says, filling the silence for you, “You care about him quite a bit, don’t you?”

You search his eyes for a moment, trying to get a sense of his emotional reaction to guide you.

There’s nothing but kindness and understanding in his gaze. Those warm brown eyes that seem to see right through you and accept you just as you are, and it helps to steady you.

“It’s all right, love,” he continues softly and gives your hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze like he’s trying to emphasise to you that it truly is. “I care about Marc a great deal as well. The big grump grows on you, doesn’t he?”

And that’s just Steven, isn’t it? Never shying away from a tough truth.

You're so grateful to him for it.

You want to tell him how thankful you are to him for seeing you—for knowing you, even when you don't entirely know yourself. How safe you feel with him, even with this. How it’s his support that’s given you the courage to finally admit the truth to yourself... and to him as well.

“I think I...”

You look down at your intertwined hands, his thumb petting the back of your knuckles.

“I think I love him,” you finally say.

It’s terrifying to admit out loud, but it’s a relief too.

You draw your eyes up to meet Steven’s, half-expecting to see hurt or pain blossoming, but there’s none. You squeeze his palm gently in gratitude before you cup your hand over his soft cheek.

“And I still love you as well. So much.”

“I thought that might be the case, love,” Steven says, and slides one hand into the pockets of his trousers, as he looks at you earnestly, “and that leaves you with a bit of a predicament, yeah?”

You nod. The fingers of your free hand are itching to fiddle with your wrist watch, so you curl them into a tight fist by your side.

“I would never choose Marc over you, but I just– I–” you cut yourself off, shaking your head hopelessly because you’re not quite sure what you even want to suggest here.

You’re so fucking nervous, nervous that you might be fucking up everything between you and Steven with this wishy-washy confession of yours. But before you spiral, Steven comes to your rescue.

“So, I’m thinking, right,” Steven begins, “And– And stop me if this isn’t what you want, but what if–”

He pauses, holding up both his hands in an invitation for you to interrupt at any time.

“Look, nothing about our situation is normal. In fact, it’s rather abnormal, isn’t it?—and I reckon that means it has to be an inordinate solution.”

Steven looks at you expectantly, but you have no idea what he’s trying to suggest, and it must show on your face because he continues, “So what if we all… um… well. You don’t have to choose, I guess is what I’m saying.”

Your mouth works, opening and closing as you struggle to get out any words in reply, and Steven presses on.

“Marc’s spent more than half his life shielding me from all the bad stuff that's come our way, trying to handle it all on his own. He doesn't believe that he deserves the good stuff. That he deserves love. But he does. Maybe more than anyone. So I think you should tell him how you feel, and we’ll see if we can't figure something out, all three of us.”

“You– You mean…” you flounder, trying to find a delicate way to make sure he’s saying what you think he’s saying. But there is no such thing in these surreal circumstances. “You’re talking about my having a relationship with Marc as well as one with you? About… sharing me? …With him?”

He gives you a small awkward smile, as he shoves his fidgeting hands back down in his pockets like he’s suddenly grown self-conscious about how distracting they are. “Only if you’re okay with that, of course.”

“And you’re okay with that? You won't be jealous?”

“Jealous? …of Marc?” he begins incredulously, eyes popping wide open as if that option had never even occurred to him. Then he stops and really seems to ponder the question.

“You know, I'm not. Maybe I should be, but… How can I be? After all, I’m a part of him, aren’t I? And he's part of me. The fact that you love him… Well, in some odd way it makes me feel like you... you just love all of me.”

Time seems to slow around you as you process what Steven’s just told you, because that’s it. That’s just what it is.

You try to swallow down the lump that has suddenly formed in your throat, but you can’t. His words shift something inside you, the tangled knot of guilt and confusion and conflicted loyalties that have lived inside you for so long unravels, leaving behind a clearer understanding of your own complicated feelings for both Marc and Steven.

You love Steven.

You love Marc.

You love both of them and all of them, and it doesn’t have to compete with each other.

Once again you just marvel at Steven. At his way of cutting through your confusion, situational complexities, and convoluted emotions to put into words the truth you’ve struggled to understand, even as you’ve lived through it and felt it with every inch of you. All of it summarised in that simple sentiment.

“I do. I really do, Steven. You and Marc. All of you.” You breathe out, the tension going out of you until your spine softens, fully relaxes for the first time in a long time.

Steven is still smiling at you, his smile spreading wider and more assured the longer he looks at you, and it makes the tentative love and joy welling up in your chest overflow until you can barely stand upright.

“You’re really all right with this?” you ask one last time, and you notice that your voice is a little bit shaky because you feel like you are vibrating out of your skin.

“I wouldn’t have suggested it, if it wasn’t something I wanted, love,” Steven says, his voice dropping to a low, intimate timbre as he wraps his arm around the small of your back pressing you tight to him. “But only if it’s something you want too.”

“Yes, it... It is. Very much so,” you confirm, and you can’t hold back your ever-growing smile.

“Well then,” Steven says, pressing a small kiss to the side of your head, “I guess all that's left now is to tell Marc and convince him to come back home.”

You

Ratatouille is on channel 4 today and

...And what?

You pause to sprinkle fish food into the Gus twins’ tank, as you stare blankly at the drafted message, thumb hovering over the keyboard.

Today is the first time you’ve woken up without Steven in bed with you since his return. It means Marc has gone off somewhere again.

You chew on your inner cheek as you reread the half-finished message. It's a daily habit you have developed in Marc's absence. You text him throughout the day to share about frivolous ongoings in your life, the way you used to when you’d be sitting across him at breakfast.

There’s never any response. The only proof you have that he hasn't changed his number or blocked yours is the two little ticks that eventually appear, indicating that he's read the messages.

Dragging your finger down the screen, you scroll up through the message log, embarrassed at the number of unanswered messages you’ve left.

He really is planning to ignore you and stay gone forever, isn't he?

Your thumb drags over to the delete button instead, painstakingly erasing your message.

Deep down, you've always known these texts were just an excuse for you to hang onto the last tether you felt you had tying you to Marc, and you're sick of nattering on inanely, making cheeky jokes to camouflage what you really wanted to tell him.

It’s time to say what you mean. What you’ve always meant. The truth hidden between every line of every message you’ve sent him.

You

I miss you

Please come back

You hit send before you can overthink it, then stare at the screen, blood rushing to your head as your heart starts to palpitate in your chest. A million thoughts race in your head, as you start to imagine Marc on the other end reading this. Will he be annoyed? Angry? Will he finally block your number so he doesn’t have to receive your spam messages at all hours of the day?

You glance at the ottoman in front of you, about to set down the phone to keep it away from yourself, when from the corner of your eye you see that grey tick transforms into blue.

Marc's read it. He’s read it.

Your heart drums painfully sharp tucked beneath your ribs. Your fingers grip the cold body of your phone.

Marc's there. On the other side of the screen right now. A phone call away.

That’s what Steven said wasn’t it? That all you two needed to do now, was to tell Marc how you feel and convince him to come home.

That is, assuming he even wants to come home. Maybe he just doesn’t feel the same about you.

Still, your fingers slide open your contacts, scrolling down until you reach Marc's name and press call.

It rings out, loud and oppressive. Louder still when you press it against your ear.

Once.

You should’ve had a glass of wine before you did this.

Twice.

He probably won't answer. Why would he? You shouldn't have even bothered. If he wanted to speak to you, he wouldn’t have been avoiding you in the first place.

Three times.

The monotonous ringing continues, and your heart seems to sink in your chest, dropping, heavy with disappointment into the pit of your stomach. He's not going to pick up.

Four.

This is desperate and sad. You’re chasing after a man who keeps running from you. You're just going to leave yourself miserable.

Five.

This is so stupid. You should just hang up.

Six–click.

You jolt upright on the sofa. Every hair on the nape of your neck electrified. Legs tense and straining as you sit entirely still like you've encountered a deer in the forest and you're too afraid to move a muscle in case you might spook it away.

Did the line disconnect? Or did he–

You yank the phone away from your ear to stare at the screen. It's blank and black save for Marc's name and a timer, numbers counting up to indicate the duration of the call.

Marc picked up. Marc actually...

Your mouth is dry as you raise the phone to your ear again.

“He-hello? Marc?”

There's no answer.

“Marc? Are you there?”

Still nothing. The other end of the line is dead quiet. Maybe it’s a bad connection.

“Can you hear me?” you try again.

Maybe no one is there. Maybe Marc bumped it with his elbow. Maybe you’re just talking to yourself like a crazy woman.

“Marc, I–”

You lower the phone and check the screen again. The call is still going, but the silence on the line reveals nothing. You have no way of knowing if Marc is listening or not.

But if he is...

If he is, this might be your best chance—perhaps your only chance—to speak to him. Compared to that, what does it matter if you feel a little bit silly?

“So uhm... I-I don't know if you had a chance to read my message—the latest one, I mean. I know I've been sending you a lot of them. But if you're there? If you can hear me, Marc, I just– I mean it, you know? I miss you. Steven misses you too. We both do.”

It's still quiet.

Even if Marc is there on the other end of the line, it's quite obvious by now that he has no intention of answering you. Stubborn as he is, you know that no matter what you say, he's not going to acknowledge that he's there.

If he’s even there.

You press on.

“I don't know why you think you need to stay away, or why Steven and I wouldn't want you here. Because, yes, you're grumpy and your default setting is a resting bitch face, and yes, you can be a right arse sometimes, but…” You find yourself smiling, imagining the way his eyebrow would rise if you were saying this to his face.

“You've always taken care of Steven and... and of me too”.

Your throat constricts with a thick lump that you try, but can’t seem to, swallow away. You think of all the small but many, many things Marc has done for you since he entered your life. The way he’s learned to prepare your tea just the way you like it. The way he always pulls your quilts to your shoulders while you’re asleep so you don’t freeze in the middle of the night.

“I don't know if I've ever thanked you before. I guess I just– uhm. I want to thank you, you know? Thank you for cooking me breakfast every morning and for putting out my clothes for me so I didn’t have to search for them.”

You think of the way he had held you while you were crying like a child on his living room floor. How firmly he’d cradled you in his arms, and how he didn’t let go, even when you got snot all over his shirt.

“Thank you for comforting me when I was crying after everything with Steven.” There’s a stinging sensation behind your eyes, and you wipe at them with the back of your hand, trying to ignore that it comes away wet, as you continue to speak.

“And for letting me stay over that night. I know you’re not usually a touchy-feely person, and it... It meant a lot to me.”

You swear you can feel the phantom weight of his comforting hand on the small of your back, and you close your eyes as you imagine that he’s next to you.

You think of all the ways he’s pushed himself for you. Hugging you when you were crying, cooking you breakfast when you were hungry, befriending you because you asked him to for Steven’s sake—how every step forward in your relationship has been because he was trying to meet someone else's needs: Steven’s. Yours.

And now he’s removing himself from the picture, thinking he’s fulfilling another need.

“I know I said I wanted a simple, normal life with Steven, but I didn't– That didn't mean I wanted you gone, Marc,” you continue, as you tug at your overlong sleeve and wipe at your wet cheeks.

“You said you were going to fix everything, that we were better off without you, but how can anything be 'fixed' when I miss you so bloody much!? How can things be better without you here when I'm–” Your voice breaks, and you swallow around the thickness in your throat, trying to sniffle down the clump that won’t go away.

“God, I hope you're listening, and I'm not just pouring my heart out to your back pocket.”

You let out a wet laugh at the idea, and then inhale deeply, doing your best to steady your voice.

“I'm– I’m in love with you, Marc.”

You're not sure if it's just your over-active imagination inventing things out of pure wish fulfilment, but you think perhaps you hear a quick intake of breath on the other end.

“Steven knows. I still love him too, of course, but I told him how I feel about you, and he's okay with it. And if– well, if you ever wanted there to be something more between us, he'd be okay with that too. We don't have to be together that way if you don't want to, of course, but I just…”

Your throat feels tight again, threatening to close up, and you have to stop for a moment, suck in a soggy breath and try to get yourself under control before you can continue.

“I love you, Marc,” you say again, barely breathing for several seconds as you strain your ears, hoping to hear something, anything from the other line. But this time there's not even a hint of sound.

You desperately want to know what he’s thinking. Feeling. Is he shocked? Angry? Puzzled? What does he look like on the other end of the line?

Are his brows furrowed into that pinched expression his face makes when he’s emotionally overwhelmed? If he were here, would he be looking at you with that same pained expression that night he put you in a taxi home? Or would he lean in and–

You don’t know.

And you’d give up the whole world to know what Marc is feeling in this moment. Give anything to have him back here with you so you could see it for yourself.

"Do you hear me, you stubborn, infuriating man?” you’re practically yelling now. “I love you! So there's not going to be any happily ever after for me unless you come back. You don’t have to love me the same way. It doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be. But I need you here. Please. I miss you. Steven misses you. Please just come back.”

You close your eyes again, holding your breath. Hoping against hope that he’ll answer you or give you some sign that he’s heard you at the very least. But there’s nothing.

And you have nothing more left to say to try to convince him.

“Goodnight, Marc.”

Then you end the call.

~ Continue ~

a/n: to be notified of new writing updates follow @astroboots-writes and turn on notifs 🤡💖🤡

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foreverinadais · 3 years ago

Text

sleepless: steven grant

Summary: Y/N can’t sleep... luckily, Steven knows how to calm her.

Word Count: 839 words

Pairing: Steven x fem! reader

Warning: None, just pure fluff :)

hi! i did a similar hc post which you can find here :) oh and i’m also reposting this, it was the first thing i wrote for Tumblr but wanted to edit some things, so yeah

She couldn’t sleep. Normally, she would be fine staying awake, lost in her thoughts until whenever Steven, Marc or Jake was up. But, she hadn’t been sleeping a lot lately. Too many of the wrong thoughts, the anxious kind that kept her brain whirring and stomach churning.

After the fifth time of tossing over, she gently turned over to face Steven. He looked so peaceful, so content. A mere glimpse of his face was enough to make her smile, her heart skipping a beat. But watching him made her feel even more overwhelmed. She could feel herself begin to get restless, this just adding to her nerves, her tiredness. Finally, she decided to just get up and do something until either she fell asleep, or morning came.

Slowly, she removed the duvet off her body, reaching her feet down to the floor, wincing at the slight creak of the bed. She didn’t want to wake up Steven, not with him sleeping so soundly. So, she tried to be quiet, eventually sitting up before making her way out of the bed. The transition went rather smoothly… until she lost her way in the dark and stubbed her toe on the nightstand.

“SHIT-” she practically shouted before quickly covering her mouth. But it was too late; Steven was up in a flash.

“BLOODY HELL WHAT HAPPENED?! Y/N/N?” She found the lamp in the dark and switched it on, looking at Steven’s face, illuminated with worry. She winced at the slight throb in her toe.

“I’m alright. Just stubbed my toe. I’m sorry I woke you, darling, I didn’t mean-”

“Shh it’s okay, come ‘ere, let me look.” She went to protest but he was already sitting her on the bed as he examined her injury.

“How does it look, doc?” she joked, and Steven mocked seriousness.

“Bad. Terrible. We shall have to cut it off.” She chuckled as Steven got back up unto the bed, gently caressing her cheek as he passed her. “I think it’s alright. Does it feel okay? Not broken or anything?”

“Feels fine. Thank you, Steven.” She offered him a smile to which he returned, before rubbing his eyes tiredly. Guilt filled her insides. “I’m so sorry for waking you up, I shouldn’t’ve been such a baby-”

“Nonononono, darling, ‘s okay! Why were you getting up, my love?” She stayed sat up, fiddling with her hands to avoid confrontation.

“I just…” she cut herself off with a sigh, shrugging.

Steven shuffled so he was sat in front of her, taking both her hands into his and gently caressing her palms with his thumbs. “You can talk to me, Y/N/N, you know that don’t you? Darling?” She nodded, feeling tears brim her eyes. Fuck don’t cry. She told herself, but he was so nice, and she felt so tired…

“I’m just overwhelmed. Everything is too much, and my head is swirling, and it never stops. And I just, I want to sleep but my brain doesn’t rest right now and ugh I’m sorry I don’t want to burden you with this, I didn’t mean to wake you, Steven-” she cut herself off again with a choked sob, all of it washing over her, and Steven didn’t hesitate when bringing her into his chest, stroking her back comfortingly.

“Oh my love. I had no idea, you don’t need to be sorry, honey. Shh, it’s okay, let it out, all of it, don’t want it to get bottled in that head of yours, eh? There you go.” His words carried her through the storm, and she gradually felt herself get settled, the grip she had on his top loosening slightly as her sobs subsided. “I’ll help you with whatever work I can, okay? All of us will. We can get through it one bit at a time. But right now, there’s nothing more you can do, not tonight, okay? You deserve rest, you need to rest. So let’s do that. That alright, my love?” She nodded, feeling comforted by his words.

Steven kissed the top of her head once, twice, before slowly lifting her head up with his hands. He swiped some of the tears away with his thumb before gently kissing her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, before finally, her lips. So softly, it made her dizzy, made her worries melt away. She smiled against his lips, and he noticed, pulling away grinning.

“There’s my girl. Shall we go to sleep, my darling?”

“Yes please.” She croaked out, and he smiled at her lovingly, shuffling around on the bed so that he was lying back under the duvet, before bringing her with him. She settled with her head against his, leg swung over his own, and her arm around his neck. She felt completely safe as he traced her skin with soft touches, whispering comforting affirmations to her as her eyes became heavy. “Thank you, Steven.” She whispered.

“Of course, my love.” He replied, placing a last kiss to the top of her head, “Always.”

#Steven Grant #steven with a v #steven grant x reader #stevengrant #fem!reader #moon knight fluff #fluff #ff #moon knight imagine #Moon Knight #moon knight fanfic

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girlwithwolftatoo · 3 years ago

Note

hc of the moon boys dealing with you during pregnancy, things like cravings, emotional outbursts, body image issues.

Marc Spector:

*Honestly, he's scared as hell when you give him the news. He has never thought himself as a good husband, much less as a good father, he just doesn't trust himself enough.

*But he won't let you down, this is a two part thing and he'll do his best, whatever it means, to not leave you alone. He actually grabs your hand and promises you he'll be here for everything you need, and he's so intense while doing that you think he's reviving that time he swore loyalty to Khonshu or something.

*Marc acts most of the time like anything has changed in your lives, but your belly's growing and you're talking more often about things the baby will need and he must take all his brave to not zone out and get involved.

*He trusts you for the most important choices (in fact, for all choices, because once again, he's not very confident in himself). This may make you think he doesn't want to participate, and hormonal issues puts you into ugly sobbing after he just told you you could pick the cradle you wanted.

*Eventually, he learns to interpretate your mood shifts, thought dealing with them remains a whole mistery for almost all the pregnacy. He'll ask you about how you feel and what you need as soon as he notices discomfort or something that looks not very good in you.

*Marc isn't a huge fan of going to the monitorating sessions with the doctor, but when your baby begins to look more like a tiny human than just a "funny bean", he changes his whole mood. There's a living being growing into you, the person he loves the most, and he wonders how they will look like once they come out, how their eyes would be, how small and vulnerable they are since now, and how that baby is part of you and him only, something that actually belongs to him and how he already loves them just for that.

Jake Lockley:

*In the comics, is Jake the one who gets Marlene pregnant, so it must be sure he's very into the idea of having a family despite all the mess around his life.

*You thought Jake was overprotective? Now he knows a little person is growing in your belly he goes full berserk. Like, he'll throw hands with whatever bothers you a little during pregnacy, including medical professionals because how dare them to put you in distress?

*He'll buy everything you want for eating, not actually caring a lot about the proper pregnant diet recomended by the doctor. Hey, his bonita wants some bubblegum ice cream covered in grape mermelade, he'll get that bubblegum ice cream and the doctor can fuck himself.

*Dealing with the mood shifts is the real hard part for him. Jake doesn't get why can you be happy and calmed one minute, and bursting in tears the next one. Sometimes he freaks out and doesn't know what to do and just stares at you like a dead fish.

*Loooooves touching your belly. A lot. Even if you just have three months and isn't very visible, he'll run a hand behind your shirt and cup the little bulge, telling you how he can notice the baby moving and stuff. You know he's lying, but he's so content since you told him about the pregnacy, you let him be.

Steven Grant:

*You need to repeat him, slowly, that you're pregnant, because he seems not to get it the first time. Then, he may pass out. Don't worry, he'll be up very soon.

*Sometimes he seems more excited than you with all the prep things for baby's arrival. He makes a calendar for the doctor appointments, a list of healthy food you need to eat, a special place for the vitamins and suplements you must take...

*He gets a lot of pregnacy and maternity magazinez and reads them with you during your cuddle time. Steven loves to share every moment with you talking about the future, how you're going to fit your time to take care of the baby and a lot of things that aren't important. "Steven, they hasn't even born yet and you're talking about college" "Well, better now than later, what if they want to study in other place? We need some good savings for that..."

*He also does research to understand the physical and emotional changes you're experimenting, in order to know how to react to them and help you.

*He loves to go with you at those classes meant to help pregnant people to get ready for the labor, and he's so into it other women feel a little envious of you. Steven is so cute and involved his charm is contagious, and he gets more popular than he never imagined he could be, but he only has eyes for you.

#moon boys #moon knight series #moon knight headcanon #jake lockley x reader #steven grant x reader #marc spector x reader #steven grant headcanon #jake lockley headcanon #marc spector headcanon #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #pregnacy #marvel series

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the-butterfly-blues · 3 years ago

Text

Budding Romance

Chapter Three A Friends to Lovers/Slight Enemies to Lovers Series Pairing: Steven Grant x Female Reader, Marc Spector x Reader, eventual Jake Lockley x Reader. Word Count: 2773 Summary: A simple tour leads to something not so unexpected. Content Warning: Talk of embalming, quick car chase, alcohol consumption. Requests or Prompts you'd like to see are gladly welcome. Series Masterlist * Previous Chapter * Next Chapter

Closing his door, he smiles as the one beside him does the same. [Name] now stands out in the hallway with her usual backpack filled with what he can only assume is paperwork.

"Good morning, Steven!"

Nearly fumbling, he's glad he doesn't drop the second coffee cup he'd been balancing as he holds it out for her. She takes it and they begin toward the elevator. Another daily routine of theirs.

"My savior. Think I'd pass out without my caffeine fix." "You know you can get addicted to caffeine, right? I don't think that'd be very good for you."

She chuckles as she presses the bottom floor button in the elevator before stepping back to stand beside him.

"Then that would make you my dealer, bringing me coffee every morning. Thank you for that, by the way. It's very nice to start my day to." "You're very nice to start the day to."

Her cheeks flush at the compliment as he smiles shyly. They exit the elevator once it reaches the ground floor and begin their way to the bus stop. Since it's Monday, now begins their discussion on if dinner was still planned for tonight and if so, what sounds good.

"I was actually thinking that maybe, if I'm not stuck doing inventory, I could give you that tour I promised?"

It felt like a long shot to offer her a tour, originally having thought that she only agreed to be polite, though the way her face lights up has him thinking otherwise. He can't help but stare in awe as her eyes appear to be sparkling with joy, simply beautiful.

"The one you promised after our third dinner?" "Yeah, but you don't have to say yes or anything. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't-" "Of course I want to, Steven!"

She grips onto his forearm in order to reassure him.

"I've been waiting for you to bring it back up. I just didn't want to seem pushy or anything." "I'd be more than happy to show you around." "Great, I can't wait."

They board the bus, keeping close so that they're not rudely pushed apart. Instead of dozing off, Steven keeps a conversation with her going throughout the ride, the anticipation of later today already digging deep.

"You'll meet me at the museum after work?" "Absolutely! Now get off before the driver decides he's tired of waiting for you."

He does as she says, turning back to the bus to wave at her one last time before it takes off. [Name] gets off at the next stop as she always does. She walks about two miles before turning into an alleyway and climbing up a wall after making sure the coast is clear. She'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to her identity. Reaching the rooftop, she removes her bag and begins pulling off the clothes that easily hide her suit from view. Sometimes she feels bad lying to Steven about her job in engineering, but it was for his own good.. or maybe her own. If he ever found out, she doesn't know how he'd react and the thought of it causing him to leave is the main reason she hasn't told him yet.

~~~

As much as Steven loves working at the museum, the incredibly annoying people have started to get on his nerves. They act so incompetently, like they know everything when in reality, whatever they're saying is improbable and insane. Some days he wants to head home as soon as possible or even leave early, but not today.

"Now, I know I'm a bit early, but I've just been so excited all day."

[Name] stands on the opposite side of the counter with one of the happiest smiles he's ever seen and he can barely believe it. No one ever wanted to listen to his ramblings, let alone be happy to hear him go on about pyramids and gods.

"Really?" "Really! I get my own little tour from probably the most knowledgeable person of Egyptian history in this building." "I'm sure the tour guides know just as much as I do, if not more." "Bologna."

Looking around, she's glad when she doesn't spot his boss. That woman needed to lay off, but she won't say that aloud. The last thing she needs is to get in a fight with his boss only to get him fired.

"Before the wicked witch pops up, I'll just look around a bit until you get off." "Smart thinking."

Walking away to look at some of the artifacts nearby, she leaves him to continue his job for another few minutes. Just before he takes care of the register something catches his eye. He grabs it and checks himself out. After finishing up, he joins her in front of one of the artifacts.

"They'd take this big metal hook, right?"

She hums in acknowledgment, proving that she's listening despite not looking at him.

"And they go up the old nozzle and.." he makes an odd noise similar to an over-exaggerated slurp, "..all the organs would come out. Except for the heart." "Why everything but the heart? Is it symbolic or..?" "Because they believed you needed your heart to be judged in the Underworld and only the worthiest would be allowed to pass through the Field of Reeds."

They both stand in silence for a moment as she looks closely at it, imagining what the process may look like.

"Then they put the organs in canopic jars, right?" "Right! They used four jars to separate the mummified organs."

Finally turning to look at him, she chuckles at the sight of a cute hippo stuffed animal tucked snuggly under his arm.

"Oh, yeah! I thought you'd like this. Maybe it could be a commemorative token of some kind?" "I like the sound of that. Hold on."

Removing her bag, she grabs a marker from one of the smaller pockets before pulling the tag taut and writing the date on it. She blows on it for a few seconds, making sure that it won't smudge. As she puts the marker back in her bag, Steven looks at her handiwork. His initials at the end cause him to smile. The tour takes a little over an hour and he's still talking about this and that as they grab a couple of sandwiches, not that she minds. Though as he continues, he slowly starts to realize that she's barely spoken more than a few words every couple of minutes.

"I'm talking too much, aren't I?"

Coughing and sputtering, she nearly chokes on her food. He sounded like he was enjoying himself, so hearing that comes as a shocker.

"No, no, absolutely not. I talk all day at work, so it's nice to listen to someone else for a change. You help me not hate the sound of my own voice most days." "Only most days?" "Alright, you caught me red-handed."

She wiggles the fingers of her free hand as they laugh, her a little more than she should before sighing at the thought of her red suit.

"Steven, I've got something I need to tell you.."

There were so many people before him that she cared about, but lost due to the fear of telling them her big secret. This includes the relationship with her mother and even her first love, though she's silently grateful for the latter because then she never would've met Steven. She no longer wants to be afraid of who she is.

"I-"

Suddenly, her senses start going off at the sound of screeching tires and sirens.

"-have to use the bathroom. Sorry, I'll be right back."

She drops her sandwich on the bench and bolts off with her backpack, leaving Steven befuddled.

"Okay.."

Rounding the corner of an alleyway, she's glad she stole the idea from a friend of hers and started wearing her suit under her clothes. It made it a whole lot easier than having to fully strip in a dingy alleyway or school bathroom when she was younger. The car chase lasts no more than a few minutes, the criminals being a couple of young delinquents thinking they could drive. In reality, they were freaking out in the front seat, not knowing how to stop it. They're now standing outside of the car with Scarlet Spider crouched in front of them. Between the sniffles and sobs, they apologize.

"Hey, it's okay."

Placing her hands on their shoulders, she tries her best to calm them.

"I can't say you're not in trouble, but be thankful that no one got hurt."

The police come skidding to a stop and exit their vehicles. One of them has a weapon drawn, being a specially-trained firearms officer. She hops up onto the vehicle, garnering his attention.

"Woah, it's just a couple of kids this time! Some property damage, but other than that, no harm done!"

Once the weapon is holstered, she uses her webs to swing back to the alley she left her bag in. Pulling her clothes back on and grabbing her bag, she rushes back to where she left Steven who, by miracle, is still sitting there.

"[Name]!"

He stands up at the sight of her, glad she hadn't ditched him.

"Hey, sorry for taking so long, Stevie. There was a long line, so I had to go down the street."

Never wanting to smack herself over the head more than she does right now, she punches herself instead. That was a perfect opportunity to tell him the truth, yet she blew it.

"It's fine! All good!"

Handing her the sandwich he picked up from the bench, they both grimace.

"I wasn't that hungry anyways. Why don't we start headed home? Finally set these bags down." "That sounds like a good idea."

Despite being neighbors, he walks her to her door. She checks the time and finds herself with at least half an hour of free time before she has to start getting ready to meet up with her new acquaintance.

"I've got this wine that I was going to use for dinner, would you maybe want to come in and have a glass with me?" "I'd love to."

He closes the door behind him, glad she had asked him to stay as he too didn't want it to end so quickly.

"I think the corkscrew is on my desk, would you mind?" "Not at all!"

Reaching her desk, he notices something a little strange. Usually, the papers on her desk consisted of different articles on the newest advances in technology and mechanics, but the weird oval and blueprint beneath it are unusual.

"What's this supposed to be?"

Looking over the odd oval-shaped device, he doesn't see how the color drains from her face. She had been having such a good time that she completely forgot about the little robot on her desk. Luckily, she's always had a bad habit of not labeling her documents.

"It's a project of mine. A little surveillance device I've had in the works since high school." "Really? Can I see how it works?"

Hesitant, she looks away from him while setting the bottle of wine down, thinking over the pros and cons of the situation as quickly as she can. Shaking the negative thoughts from her head, she grabs her phone from her pocket. It wouldn't hurt to show him. For all he knows, it's just 'a little surveillance project'.

"Set it down and tap the top of it."

Though slightly confused, he does as she says, incredibly curious. After taping the top of it, eight legs protrude from the sides as barely visible blue lights appear on the black screen-like portion. Using her phone, she controls it to walk around on the desk while Steven watches in awe.

"I knew you studied in engineering, but I had no clue how amazing you were. This is fantastic." "It's not that cool. Just a little side project, nothing more." "Not that cool? [Name], this is brilliant. You're brilliant."

She ignores the light blush rising to her cheeks and shakes her head while shutting the bot down.

"Did you find the corkscrew?" "Uh, yeah! Yes. Got it right here."

Rushing over to her, he hands her the corkscrew and watches as she pours them each a glass of wine. Even when she's doing something so simple, he can't help but find her beautiful. It's evident where his heart lies, but he doesn't know how to approach it, never having been in a situation quite like this. His gaze drifts to the fridge. He had noticed the new additions a couple days ago, but never really looked at the report cards and articles from a newspaper called the 'Daily Bugle'. Most of them have to do with a school called Midtown while the few others are of the American superhero Scarlet Spider. Taking a closer look, beneath the photo is her name.

"You used to work for a newspaper?"

Setting the wine bottle down, she turns around with one of the glasses in her hand.

"Yeah, I was a freelance photographer when that was taken. After a few years of sending in photos, Jameson finally hired me as his on-demand shutterbug."

She stops herself from giggling at the unintentional and unnoticed pun by taking a sip of the flowery peach flavor that is Sauvignon Blanc. Handing Steven his glass, he takes it and looks down while gently swirling the liquid.

"You sound like you really enjoyed what you did.. Why leave it?"

Grabbing one of the articles, she looks at it closely. She had only just taken crime fighting seriously and captured a photo of herself stopping a robbery. Of course, the headline completely disregards what took place in the photo, 'Scarlet Spider Assists in Robbery', but despite the demeaning headlines, New York still believed in her, she just didn't believe in herself.

"Everything got to be too much. Between having to constantly run around the city putting myself in danger, always getting yelled at by my boss, though he meant well, and some family issues, I needed a break from everything." "If taking photos made you as happy as you sounded, don't you miss it?" "Don't I miss it?"

The airy laugh she gives isn't directed towards him as she puts the article back on the fridge and heads towards the couch. Steven sits beside her moments later, saddened at the sight of a frown on her beautiful face.

"If I overstepped-" "You didn't."

Taking his free hand, she reassuringly squeezes it for both their sakes.

"I just haven't thought about it. Guess I do, miss it that is."

After taking a sip, he nervously continues to look at his glass. He only asks what's on his mind after she squeezes his hand once more.

"Do you ever think of going back?"

With a sigh, she starts looking at her glass.

"I do, quite often actually. Even though we fought, the people there are still my family and this place, London is nice, but it's not home. I wasn't even planning on staying this long."

His hand turns in hers, fingers wrapping around her palm.

"What made you decide to stay?"

They both look up at the same time, eyes interlocking.

"As cheesy as it is, the reason I'm still here is you, Steven. I have never met anyone quite like you." "Weird?" "Well, there's that," her tone is teasing, causing him to smile, "but I prefer to use the word spectacular when it comes to you."

The world feels as if it's stilled. Their eyes close as the distance between them is slowly lessened. Just as their lips are about to touch, a loud ringing causes them to pull back quickly, both of them flustered beyond belief. She fumbles with her phone for a moment before the alarm is finally silenced.

"Sorry, I set an alarm to make sure I went to bed on time. I've got to go in early tomorrow."

Steven simply nods, still trying to recover from what almost occurred. They sit in silence for a moment before she stands and helps him up by tugging his hand. He watches as she nervously flattens any little wrinkles on his shirt before looking up, catching his eyes again.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Steven." "I did too."

Her hands which were once resting on his chest slowly move up to wrap around his neck while his palms cradle her face. Before he begins leaning down, [Name]'s silently promised to tell him the truth before anything goes further than this one kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I was so happy with this chapter, I completely forgot the taglist for a second. Anyways, I hope you guys like this, please let me know. Taglist: @ninjarose23, @ahookedheroespureheart, @wendds

#moon knight #reader insert #female reader insert #steven grant #steven grant x reader #moon knight x reader #friends to lovers #enimies to lovers

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karlz777 · 5 years ago

Text

Cruel World

Chapter 1

Summary: Angelina was an ex-HYDRA experiment. She never trusts anyone. The avengers want her to be part of their team, but she is scared for her life. But she can’t keep her eyes away from a certain super soldier.

Soulmate a/u

Characters:

- Angelina Cameron (O/C)

- Steve Rogers

- Marvel Characters (Tony, Natasha etc...)

Warnings: gore, very discriptive bloody scenes, maybe future smut, I would perfer if you were 18+ to read this

My cell door slammed against the wall loudly awaking me from my light sleep.

“Get up,” Jake demanded.

I tried to get up as quickly as I could, but he had beat me everywhere on my body the day before. For him it was too slow because he came over and yanked me up by my hair. I yelled loudly as he walked me into the hallway.

“You could’ve done it faster, but you didn’t,” He sneered smiling darkly at me.

We kept walking over to the room where he normally experiments on me and he pushed me onto the table. He strapped my arms and legs down so I could move or fight back.

“You know, if you hadn’t tried to leave me all those years ago, we would probably be happily married with 2 adorable little kids and the white picket fence house in the suburbs, but you just had to run to your little Captain America,” He mocked. He says this almost every day right before he starts just to taunt me.

“I just wanted to know if he was my soulmate. That’s the only reason,” I quietly said to him.

“And if he had been your soulmate, you would’ve left me for good!” He yelled in my face, “Now you can’t leave because I own you.”

He stepped over to his table of tools, but he calls them toys, and picked up his favorite knife.

Walking back over to me he started swinging it around, “You know I’m actually really happy that your powers didn’t come with fast healing cause now you have all of the scars to remember me by. You can never escape me Angelina.”

He slices the knife down my left forearm. I want to scream so badly but I hold it in because that just gives him the satisfaction. If I scream, he knows he has all the power. I always try my hardest not to scream everyday but eventually they slip out with him.

My eyes started turning blue the more he sliced my arm. When I’m in pain, sad, scared or upset my water/ice powers come out. When I’m angry fire comes out. For earth, it’s when I think of my favorite things or when I’m happy. For air, its normally when I’m just thinking around in my head.

Jake had moved down to my legs now. All I was wearing was a t-shirt and a pair of small shorts, almost like boxers. As soon as he had sliced my inner thigh, I screamed.

“There we go. I’ve been waiting for that,” he smiled like a madman. He went to cut me again but then an alarm started going off, “What the hell is going on?!” he yelled at the two guards stationed at the door.

Both of the guards looked at each other looking very scared. Jake had become one of HYDRA’s best scientists, but he was also very feared in HYDRA. He was ruthless. He got what he wanted tearing anyone down if he had to. Right now, we were in one of the most hidden and secured HYDRA bases because if they lost him, they’d lose all his work that he has done to help them.

“Do I always have to find out everything myself?” he set his knife down and made his way to the door, “Make sure she stays there. No body move her. I’m not finished with her.”

As he started walking out o the door my vision got blurry. My vision kept going in and out. My throat felt like sandpaper.

“Water. I need water,” I mumbled to the guards.

They barely spared me a glance. I was losing a lot of blood from all the cuts on my body. In my mind I was thinking, this is it. This is when I die. I’ll be free of him.

My vision, still going in and out, caught sight of a bunch of guards running past the room.

Jake ran back into the room with a very pissed off look, “Well the almighty Avengers have came to take us down. But you’re coming with me.”

He moved to remove me from the table. Tears slipping down my face. As he finished undoing my legs a loud explosion very close went off.

He looked towards the door then back down at me, “I won’t be able to get you out in time,” He caressed the side of my face grabbing his knife again, “but if they do take you, I’ll find you again and we’ll be together forever.”

He stabbed my right shoulder and I screamed. He leaned down to kiss my forehead once I had finished screaming in pain, “I will see you again.” He ran out of the room turning the opposite corner that the explosion came from.

I looked up at bright light above me and waited. Waited for it to end. My eyes continued to open and close. My eyelids felt so heavy. I let them close thinking it was the end. The world around me going black and I smiled.

Goodbye Steve.

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-3rd persons pov-

The Avenger had finally all gotten into the HYDRA base. They had taken down most of the soldiers now they were just picking off the rest of them. Natasha was working on downloading all of their files and intel.

Clint was on the roof of the building keeping an eye on outside.

Bruce was still in the quinjet incase they needed him for a code green, but it looked like they wouldn’t need him for this mission.

Thor, Steve, and Bucky were all outside on the ground taking care of the rest of the HYDRA soldiers incase they tied to escape.

Sam was flying around looking for anyone who could escape from the three men outside.

Tony was checking the rest of the rooms to make sure no one was hiding or see if could find their weapons room to confiscate everything.

“Guys, I don’t think this is where they hid weapons,” Natasha said through the comms.

“Yeah I don’t think so either. There way too many prison units in this building,” Tony commented back, “But all of these cells are empty.

“What was this base for?” Clint said but he really only meant to ask himself that.

“Illegal human experimenting?” Steve asked Nat.

“Yep, all the files are over their experiments but most of the people they did experiment on didn’t survive,” Nat said reading through all the files being downloaded onto her flash drive.

“I’m checking all of the rooms right now for survivors. I’ll keep you guys updated if I find anything,” Tony said walking down a long hallway, both sides lined with empty cells.

At the end of the hallway he saw a door that was cracked open. It was different than the cell doors, so he guys either a weapons room or experiment room. He slowly opened the door with his hand blaster ready, but all he saw was a girl laying on the table.

He rushed over to her, “FRIDAY read vitals.”

“Heartbeat detected but she has lost a lot of blood. She needs immediate medical attention,” FRIDAY informed him.

“Guys, there’s a girl here that needs medical help. I’m going to fly her over to Bruce,” he undid the straps on her arms and picked her up in his metal arms.

“A girl? Who is she? Is she a HYDRA agent?” Steve asked.

“I highly doubt it. She looks like one of their experiments but she’s losing a lot of blood,” he took off out of the building.

The girl stirred in his arms groaning in pain, “Hey you’re alright. I’m gonna help you.”

She barely opened her eyes looking at the metal man, “You’re Mr. Stark.”

“I am Tony Stark, what’s your name?” he said trying to keep her awake.

“Mr. Stark please tell Captain Rogers--,” She trailed off losing consciousness. Tony looked at her confused about what she was going to say next. What does she want with Steve? He thought.

He flew faster then landed next to the quinjet, “Bruce she needs your help now. She’s lost too much blood, but I didn’t take the knife out cause she would’ve died.”

Bruce immediately got to work and grabbed what he needed. Tony laid her on one of the cots they brought for if things like this happened. He stepped out of his Ironman suit and started to help Bruce.

Five minutes later the team had returned to the quinjet. Bruce had gotten the bleeding to stop but she would probably need surgery for the knife still in her arm.

“Clint, I need you to get us home fast. Dr. Cho is going to be waiting for us when we get there because of this girl, But I need you to fly fast or she won’t make it,” Tony said quickly to Clint.

Clint nodded and made sure everyone was in so he could take off. Steve walked over to Tony to make sure he was okay but then he caught a glimpse of the girl. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, “Who is she?”

“She didn’t tell me her name, but she did try to tell me something,” Tony’s brows came together in confusion trying to figure out what she was going to say.

“What did she say Tony?” Steve crossed his arms taking a couple glances at the girl.

“She said and I quote ‘please tell Captain Rogers’ but then she passed out and didn’t finish,” He stared at the ground trying to figure it out, “Does she have a name on her body? Maybe we can contact them.”

Everyone looked at Bruce, “It’s normally under the left collar bone but I didn’t look because I was a little preoccupied.”

Everyone still stared at him. He was looking down at the girl but when he looked up, he saw everyone looking at him expectantly, “I’m not gonna look. That’s an invasion of privacy,” He threw his hands up.

“You all are such big babies,” Natasha rolled her eyes and walked over to the girl. She slowly pulled down her shirt and Tony walked over to also see.

Both of their eyes went wide looking at the name written under her collar bone. They turned towards each other gulping.

“Umm Cap,” Nat looked back to him, “You’re going to want to see this.”

Steve gulped, very nervous, he walked over to the girl. Natasha was still holding her shirt down so you could see the name. He looked at the cursive name under her collar bone and his eyes went wide.

His name sat upon her skin.

Steven Grant Rogers

His knees felt like jelly. He kept starring at the marks on her skin, “How is this possible? I thought I would’ve had a soulmate back in the 40’s I just never had the chance to meet her. Not a soulmate from this century.”

“I mean it’s not impossible. You got a second chance at life and somehow you guys are together now. I guess everything does happen for a reason,” Sam clapped his shoulder.

Steve could barely process it. He had thought he lost his chance to have a soulmate, but she was laying in front of him. He sat down next to her bed and took her hand carefully, “How much longer till we get to the compound?”

“About 5 minutes Cap,” Clint yelled back to him.

He swore, in that moment, that he couldn’t lose her. He finally had her. His true soulmate.

#steve rogers x oc #steve rogers #steve rogers x original female character #captain america #Bucky Barnes #tony stark #Chris Evans #natasha romanov #thor #peter parker #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers smut #steve

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urezo · 4 years ago

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A dream "Finn and Jake, beyond the lands of dreams"

dreamjournal

It was so shakening I woke up repeatedly and went back to sleep to the same dream like twice.

I am Finn, but also kinda see or perceive their reality as an spectator as you would if you watching tv OE something, but instead of using a device I was living it first hand through the dream, my perception then was the dream itself and Finn.

Me and Jake have been wandering on Ooo for longer than we can remember, time in mental spaces is not quantifiable, all you have is your perception of things happening but not time itself, as time there doesn't really exist as a palpable force, it is more like qn abstract idea you can think of and interact with (this applies to all mental spaces, you can see it in animation too). Ooo for us feels like a desert even though it is full of life, in our travels and adventures we have a lot of fun always fooling around but we both after all we have acomplished still feel empty, so we decide to take on yet another journey to fill that void, visiting all our friends on ooo.

...

And so we travel, we backtrack all the places we have been until we reach a small stone building, it isn't concrete, ir is literally carved into a massive stone, that also seems to be a precious one, inside it is full of people and other adventurers, I don't quite remember being in this place before, ooo is an everchanging world. There it was this being, it was like one of the gems of Steven Universe, colored by different tones of turquoise all around her body, I don't remember if she had a normal face with two eyes and the eyes had diferent tones with darker turquoise in the center or if she had a vertically rotated cube as her head, either way she was one of the less notable beings in the tabern, there were all kinds of shapes and forms of adventurers there, it was a safe place for resting and also for partying, at that the tabern shifted into a saloon for that very reason, and the turquoise gem felt out of place contrary to me and my buddy.

We get out and continue our jorney through ooo, there are deserts, pink gems all moving and laying around, constructs of them like temples, dense and macabre forest as well as joyful ones, yet even in our journey to see our friends we sense the dread and void of nothing ever happening. Even as we get into enchanted ruins and pillage them for treassure once our euphoria and thrill for discovery is gone after we raided it we are met with that solid wall of inactivity, the oddest thing is that in all our travels we see everyone having fun and the time of their lives, they are so full of themselves even being around them feels like being around an full of life and energy sun, I begin to question our senses, our feelings, why aren't we having fun? This are questions that roam my mind but I dare not ask my companion.

Eventually after visiting two or three other friends we arrive at a valley that is also like a desert it changes between states of grass and sand, and sometimes it is both at the same time, we didn't expected to see anyone there and there weren't living anyone that I know of, we were just passing by, yet we met someone, it was the gem lady from before, she seemed exactly the same and it was an odd encounter so we approached, then in the dream I began to experience things as the dream not Finn, the gem was also inquiring about its own life, not in an existential sense but also wondering, "is this all there is? This is pretty lame" as she was indeed very new to that world too, then she heard a voice that was not a voice, and it speak in not words but knowledge directly transfered into her, the voice had a message only for them both to listen to, but the attitude on the gem immediately changed, and her eyes now flourished with joy in realization of the understandment she gained about that world, as this was happening Finn and Jake were approaching from behind, for them no voice was heard at all. Now being back to Finn I realize something is going on, and as we come closer the gem starts talking with the voice but I don't hear the voice at all, she says excitedly "Amazing! interdimensional planes exist out of the boundaries of time and space" and she fucking dissappears as if she was crossing through a portal but there was no visible portal, her body just gradually stopped being visible, in awe and shock we run up the small hill or dune she was on to aid her or see what happened and on top we see that on the valley there is like a face also made of the same gems (this actually shiny gems, not the color only) I assume this thing is somewhat related to her, and makes me wake up irl and within my dream and awakening I realize that it is probably the origin of the voice she talked to.

And then I had an epiphany, everyone has an adventure, even that gem seemingly so out of place was called to our world and to that very spot for very specific reasons, for events to unfold. On ooo the adventure world we have a journey to fulfill and to live too, we just haven't been living it, we are not when we are supposed to be, where our adventure lays and is wating events to unfold around us. We go back to our house that is Jake's house, and we get all our stuff ready, meaning we take all the shit we could use in an adventure and bag it, I am fucking euphoric, finally this world makes sense there is an adventure, an story to unfold and it is calling only me, and I realize this as the exaltation of my companion dimishes, he as unhinged as I was now is with a inexpressive eyes, and I remember that I just saw one of his kids running around the home, he had another realization, he can't go on an adventure with me because that's not what his heart desires the most, what his heart desires the most is his family, and the faceless expression is because he realized he made that decision a lot time ago, and I with a sight of compassion and understandment realize this too, these are my dreams after all, not his, but I keep packing my stuff and give my best friend in this world the tightest of hugs, candid, as this is also a goodbye forever. A smile in sorrow and sadness "Goodbye Jake", and with my backpack full I clean my tears and open the first door jumping straight into my destiny.

The film deteriorates as if it were an old movie burning and las frames are of finn sleeping in some coffin-sarcophagus in the middle of space, being the very last of the frames the sarcophagus closing. Once that sequence is over the credits roll and you see machinery, giant swords and gears all moving slowly in a giant fabrication. In between of them there are all heroes, but the one I catch an eye on is spiderman, just laying in his iconic pose atop of the edge of a curved huge pipe going to the ground and I wake up.

#dreamjournal

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angeltriestoblog · 5 years ago

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I watched a couple of movies! (Part 2)

Back again with the second bunch of my latest quarantine companions! My last post wasn't that long ago, but I’ve already gone through an additional 21 and thanks to the extension of the lockdown and the abrupt cancellation of the rest of my sophomore year in college, I predict that this number will only increase exponentially. I obviously have to start looking for a sustainable way of reviewing the media I consume (probably will try dumping mini-reviews on Letterboxd instead), but until then, here is today’s little catalog: divided into four neat categories so there’s a little bit of everything for everyone.

Dead Poets Society (1989, dir. Peter Weir) ★★★★½

John Keating is the teacher we secretly deserved yet never had, which is probably what's behind the fervent loyalty audiences have had for this movie since its release around three decades ago. His methods of teaching are admittedly unorthodox, but they effectively instill in fictional students and real-life audiences the core message: to seize the day and be extraordinary. I definitely would have appreciated more of Williams, though: I noticed later on that he was used mostly as a plot device, as the focus started to shift to the impact his words had on the group of young boys under his tutelage. But, thankfully they are endearing and lovable in their own little ways (special mention goes to ambitious Neil, played by Robert Sean Leonard; and Ethan Hawke as timid Todd), which is why the last half-hour remains one of the heaviest in recent memory.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993, dir. Chris Columbus) ★★★★

When Daniel Hillard’s (Robin Williams) wife splits up with him and takes their kids, he disguises himself as an English nanny called Mrs. Doubtfire and applies as their housekeeper to be with them. Not exactly the most realistic and practical approach to an issue as serious as divorce, but it succeeds by banking on heartfelt humor to strike a chord in products of broken families. When you take his several antics, punchlines, and vocal impersonations aside, he is simply a father willing to do anything for his children. Williams was destined to be the lead for this: his comedic timing, sheer versatility, and natural ability to bring joy remain unparalleled. Such a shame I didn't get to grow up with this guy, but maybe this saved me a lot of heartbreak.

Catch Me If You Can (2002, dir. Steven Spielberg) ★★★★★

A con man successfully cashes in millions of dollars worth of checks as a Pan Am pilot, doctor, and lawyer, whilst evading the FBI agent who’s hot on his heels. And this is all before he turns 19 years old--what a total underachiever. The best part? It’s a true story. I find it hard to believe that this clever cat-and-mouse story lasted more than two hours: it's easy to lose track of time thanks to its dynamic and snappy screenplay, coupled with the chemistry of its brilliant lead actors (no less than Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks). But beneath the complex and technical aspects of his scams that have high entertainment and educational value lie touching moments that may be admittedly easy to miss. At the end of the day, these escapades were nothing but some twisted coping mechanism of Frank Abagnale, Jr.’s to deal with the divorce of his parents. *blows nose into handkerchief* Wow, I seriously didn't think something could be so fast and fun, yet so depressing either!

Good Will Hunting (1997, dir. Gus Van Sant) ★★★★★

Academy Award-winning writers Matt Damon and Ben Affleck may look like they share a solitary brain cell in total (a prime example would be this footage of their acceptance speech), but it was the power that radiated from that which brought us this instant favorite of mine. This engrossing story revolves around a janitor at MIT, with a genius-level IQ but a troubled and traumatic past. A scuffle with a police officer leads him to Sean, his therapist (and platonic soulmate) who breaks down his dangerous defense mechanisms and self-destructive patterns, helps him tackle his inner demons, and ultimately transforms his life. There is a lot to adore about this film that’s equal parts wit and heart, but my favorite has to be the razor-sharp and realistic dialogue between Damon and Williams. Smoothly transitioning from topic to topic—genuine friendship, abusive relationships, and everything in between—it gives us the opportunity to monitor Will’s growth while carefully examining these aspects of our own lives. With every word said, the audience is reminded once again of any person's innate capacity to change for the better as long as someone else believes in them.

Lost in Translation (2003, dir. Sofia Coppola) ★★★

Film Twitter and the Letterboxd community both made this out to be an outstanding piece of modern cinema, so I went in with very high expectations only to be sorely disappointed and unable to understand the hype behind it. This revolves around two lonely people who find solace in each other and the unfamiliar and unpredictable territory they're in, a storyline brimming with potential that just fell flat to me. I normally appreciate the beauty in silent and ambient scenes, but the ones that made up a huge bulk of this feature didn’t have substance—it was similar to watching mashed-up clips from some random travel vlog. I did find the choice of location fitting though, I am now a hundred percent convinced I should travel to Japan once this pandemic is over. And Scarlett Johansson is incredibly talented for her age: her ability to channel and characterize emotions that a 17-year-old may not even be able to comprehend is above par, which is the main reason why this gets a passing rating from me.

Forrest Gump (1994, dir. Robert Zemeckis) ★★★★★

What I would give to run into a chocolate-eating, Nike Cortez-wearing Forrest Gump at a bus stop, and hear him tell me these fantastic stories himself! This heartwarming tale shows the manner in which he weaved himself into significant historical narratives (literally and figuratively, thanks to the power of deepfake) and injects timeless lessons along the way. Tom Hanks is undoubtedly brilliant as the titular role, and as we see the world according to this feeble-minded and well-meaning man, we come to admire his values, appreciate his efforts, and forgive his occasional shortcomings. In this fast-paced and overly complicated world that we struggle to navigate, this can serve as a necessary breather, a reminder of the simple joys that the world has to offer.

Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012, dir. Lee Toland Krieger)��★★★★

I think this is the first time I’ve witnessed a breakup end rather amicably on the big screen: there's no screamfest that concludes with a cold slap to the face and a dramatic walkout, or a courtroom confrontation that unearths past transgressions, et cetera. Instead, the leads are forced to confront the fact that the friendship they have forged years before that eventually blossomed into something more will never be the same again. Even if they want to so, so bad. I guess that’s why this is so heartbreaking, and thus the perfect companion for any person in the process of finding themselves after the demise of a long-term relationship. Celeste (Rashida Jones) meanders through the process with an extreme lack of finesse—which is the most realistic way to do so—that heavily accentuates her several fatal flaws. But, she manages to finish strong, emerging as a self-reflective and action-driven version of who she was in the beginning. I definitely wanted additional exposure for Jesse (Andy Samberg), though, who was not only surprisingly tender and sensitive in contrast to the Jake Peralta we know and love (and want to pick on), but also an unexpected perfect onscreen match for Jones.

A Star is Born (2018, dir. Bradley Cooper) ★★★★

The third remake of the 1937 movie starring Janet Gaynor and Fredric March, this edition of A Star is Born strays far from the paths traversed by its predecessors (and this I am aware of, from that film analysis video binge I did recently). It’s the first to give Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper), the has-been with a raging alcohol and drug problem, extensive back story that draws audiences closer to him. But, this character arc comes at the expense of Ally's, the talented singer that he propels to fame, played by Lady Gaga. It was a shame she wasn’t fleshed out as much as she should have been, given that Gaga was a natural, her vulnerability a far cry from her outrageous onstage persona. But, then again, expectations must be kept realistic: it would’ve been impossible to cram that into the specified duration. Nevertheless, I thoroughly appreciated it: though rehashed several times, a romance done this way keeps its key components while catering to the preferences of this generation. The soundtrack is outstanding, and the climax—though somewhat expected—finds new ways to reduce us to a puddle of tears, particularly as the last song number start to roll.

Fall in Love At First Kiss (2019, dir. Frankie Chen) ★★½

Our Times has been a favorite of mine for years, so I couldn't believe that I missed this work from the same director which starred the same male lead during its initial release. Turns out it didn’t make much of a difference whether I watched it or not. The storyline was silly, but forgivably so: in a school where students are segregated based on intelligence, a stupid girl is smitten by the smartest boy in school and gets rejected as soon as she confesses. Consequently, hell breaks loose after they are forced to live together for reasons you have to see to believe. I remember enjoying the first half, squirming in my seat because of Jiang Zhishu (Darren Wang) every chance I'd get. I can’t pinpoint where exactly it started going wrong, but I remember realizing that it is possible for something to drag along, yet also move so fast: to bore me with excessive detail in a single scene, then cut to the next so fast it loses a sense of continuity. In addition to that, the female lead (Jelly Lin) was so unbearable in terms of her acting style and character development (or lack thereof). She seemed to think that constantly complaining in her shrill voice and thrashing her limbs was a fitting substitute for dialogue, thus making it difficult to want her to get her happily ever after. Also, I’ve had pretty intense crushes in the past few years but what she has for Zhishu is bordering more on an unhealthy obsession—I have trouble believing he reacted so calmly to the shrine that she built for him (which included life-size pillows with his face on it).

The Object of My Affection (1998, dir. Nicolas Hytner) ★★½

I was very confused as to why I had never heard of a chick flick that starred two of my favorite actors from the 90s, but now I understand why it didn't take off. (Phoebe would probably share my sentiments. What's her best friend doing with her husband anyway? And why is he attracted to men?) Nina (Jennifer Aniston) is hopelessly in love with her gay best friend George (Paul Rudd), so much so that she decides she wants to raise her unborn child with him instead of with her overbearing and borderline manipulative boyfriend (John Pankow). Though it wasn't a complete disaster given that she didn't successfully convert him, Nina was far too demanding, constantly overstepping her boundaries, and feeding her delusions. Maybe it could afford a modern retelling since I know our generation could tackle the concepts of platonic soulmates and LGBTQ+ relationships in a way that is simultaneously vibrant and sensitive.

How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days (2003, dir. Donald Petrie) ★★★★★

Once I had tried my luck in a number of different genres, I decided to reward myself with a return to the cheesy, corny, and conventional chick flicks I am familiar with—and I’m glad that I picked this one! Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) is a magazine columnist with her biggest scoop yet: an article on how to lose a guy in 10 days. To test this idea out, she tries it out on Ben Barry (Matthew McConaughey), who’s on a mission to make a girl fall for him within that duration as well. Their conflicting agendas lead to disastrously hilarious results as they realize that they’re both *gasp* catching feelings for each other! I enjoyed this very much despite the predictability, although I’m honestly unable to judge it based on any criteria other than what I felt which was pure and utter, slamming-the-table, throwing-my-stuffed-toy-across-the-room “kilig”.

Just My Luck (2006, dir. Donald Petrie) ★½

I didn’t expect this to be on the forgettable side of the romcom spectrum, when it had Chris Pine as the leading man and Brit-pop band McFly lending their music to most of the scenes (the sole redeeming factor I found). But, I guess it’s Lindsay Lohan’s character and her surprising lack of chemistry with the equally attractive and talented person opposite her that killed it for me. Here, she plays Ashley, the luckiest girl in the world who gets everything her way and is thus as snobbish and stuck-up as you’d expect her to be. A chance encounter brings her to Jake, who is the human equivalent of a black cat standing in front of a broken mirror, and swaps their fate. She is then left to deal with poorly contrived misfortunes with effects that are bordering on slapstick comedy: she gets doused in mud, mildly electrocuted, and soaked in bubbles shortly after blowing up a washing machine and I get that they’re probably supposed to be funny, but all I’m seeing is a live-action version of the Looney Tunes show.

Eighth Grade (2018, dir. Bo Burnham) ★★★★★

Entering our awkward preteen years has always come with a certain and specific kind of mortification, but I reckon it’s become increasingly difficult in the age of the Internet. It’s become easier to find fault in oneself for the pettiest of reasons: why isn’t my crush accepting my friend request? Why do I look like a monster in my #wokeuplikethis selfies? Why is no one viewing my YouTube videos even if I work hard on them? Eighth Grade encapsulates this difficult period in the lives of Gen Z kids with the use of experiences and references which are so specific to this generation: I may have gotten whiplash more times than I would care to admit. Elsie Fisher shines in her painfully relatable performance as Kayla: you can sense her desperation for social acceptance. She just wants to be worth noticing and remembering, is that so bad! Although his role is often overshadowed, I also felt for her dad (Josh Hamilton), who tries to hide the struggle of looking out for a daughter who's growing in ways he simply can't understand.

Boyhood (2014, dir. Richard Linklater) ★★★

This ambitious effort by the director of my favorite film trilogy observes the growth and development of a typical American boy named Mason. No fancy plot devices or major conflicts are in sight, but by using the keeping the cast members fixed during the 12 years it took to put this project together instead of swapping them out for older counterparts, audiences are expected to form an emotional connection with them because they were given an intimate and prolonged look into their lives. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case for me. Yes, I did watch him grow up before my eyes, but I barely know who he is. These mundane snippets of his life haphazardly stitched together, without any indication of how much time has elapsed since the previous scene, made it hard to keep up with the pace and look at the viewing experience as anything but a chore. I honestly am puzzled as to why I endured 165 minutes (I’m kidding, it was for Ethan Hawke) worth of footage, and sadly it wasn’t even worth it.

Brooklyn (2015, dir. John Crowley) ★★★★

This drama about the migration of an Irish girl to New York to seek better opportunities delves into the concept of what home truly is, as Eilis is left to choose between two men from two different countries. Divided into three segments revolving around pivotal events in the protagonist’s life, it sensitively tackles the experiences and issues familiar to any immigrant, remains true to the period it is set in, and engaging to audience members of all ages. Most in the historical genre are incapable of doing all three, so that's definitely no mean feat! And I’m not biased because Saoirse Ronan plays the starring role, although her compelling performance renders it impossible for anyone who claims to have a beating heart to finish this without puffy eyes and a heavy chest.

Happy Old Year (2019, dir. Nawapol Thamrongrattanarit) ★★★★

I thought Chutimon Chuengcharoensukying couldn’t top her role in Bad Genius, but she just had to come along and star in this personal take on new beginnings. Here, she plays Jean, a girl in the process of decluttering her house so she can transform it into an office space. While sifting through her possessions, she finds certain things belonging to people from her past, that remind her of broken relationships and question her philosophies on forgiveness and letting go. Her performance may be understated compared to the cunning and reckless Lynn she has become popular for, but I see this mastery of restraint as indication of her growth as an actress. The film is relatively simple in its execution, staying true to its central theme of minimalism. By stripping the structure down to the bare essentials of actor and dialogue, the audience can focus on the poignancy ingrained in the most mundane part of our everyday routines.

The Edge of Seventeen (2016, dir. Kelly Fremon Craig) ★★★★

It's actually true that a coming-of-age movie has been written based on every definitive moment a teenage girl experiences, they weren’t lying. The Edge of Seventeen could serve as part of Eighth Grade's cinematic universe, but instead we’re dealing with another reflection of who we were (or maybe still are). Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld) is a teen constantly teetering between arrogant self-assurance and sheer hopelessness. When she loses her best friend to her worst nemesis, she suddenly has to learn to navigate the ups and downs of adolescence and deal with her mental illness on her own. Besides focusing on the several firsts that we often encounter during this stage in our lives, the film accurately portrays our angsty and self-deprecating nature without resorting to mockery, therefore calling us out on this reflex we have of beating ourselves up and giving those around us permission to do so during such a critical part of our lives. I swore I was actually going to try not to cry here, but I guess Nadine's tearful monologue left me with no choice. (I'll leave it below so you can suffer with me.)

You know, ever since we were little, I would get this feeling like, like I’m floating outside of my body, looking down at myself… and I hate what I see: how I’m acting, the way I sound, and I don’t know how to change it. And I’m so scared that the feeling is never gonna go away.

The Kingmaker (2019, dir. Lauren Greenfield) ★★★★

This documentary is a fitting introduction for anyone who isn't familiar with the ill-gotten wealth and abuses the Marcoses have lying underneath their glossy veneer of opulence as well as the consequences of their actions that we suffer from to this day. Greenfield’s juxtaposition of this family’s fabricated stories and the testimonies of victims and first-hand witnesses was a smart move, as we observe the lengths they often go to, to revise the course of history. By spotting the parallels in their narrative and that of Rodrigo Duterte, the next strongman the voting population would unfortunately elect as their leader, we are also given a glimpse into the selective amnesia of the Filipino people that keeps these people in power. The danger lies in the fact that being an outsider herself, Greenfield leaves plenty of room for interpretation: there is no clear-cut statement of what was right and wrong among the several interweaving statements we heard. I was able to determine which was which is due to the fact that I already had prior knowledge, but where does that leave those who don't?

By the way, if you’re wondering why this has been grouped under this category, it’s because I remembered from Grade 6 science class that anger is one way to trigger adrenaline in the body.

Inception (2010, dir. Christopher Nolan) ★★★★★

Perfect always felt like a lazy way to describe what is supposed to be of superior quality. If you want to sing praises about anything that good, you're gonna have to do a better job than that to convince anyone that it's worth their time: was it inventive and bold or cerebral or emotional? Well, I'm afraid I have to bend this rule for Inception for the sake of brevity, because if I leave myself to ramble on about everything this did right, I would surely run out of adjectives. This sci-fi-heist-psychological thriller is in a league of its own, with its intricate plot and layered method of storytelling further amplified by stellar cast performances, masterful editing and special effects, and a thundering musical score that keeps audiences on edge for the entirety of its run. These elements come together to create a production that resonates and lingers with viewers long after the credits have rolled, partly thanks to that highly disputed final scene. (If my opinion is worth anything here, I believed that it stopped. Iykyk.)

The Lobster (2015, dir. Yorgos Lanthimos) ★★★★½

In this dystopian society, single people are required to check into a hotel in the hopes of finding a suitable partner within 45 days. If they fail to do so, they are sentenced to live the rest of their lives as an animal of their choice. It’s an absurd plot, far removed from reality, executed in a bleak and dry fashion. Yet, it manages to mirror and even satirize the world of modern relationships rather profoundly, particularly the societal pressure to couple up and find our ideal match instantly, or face harsh judgment. I doubt I've watched anything this dark in my life, but I found the unpredictable twists and turns, the deadpan humor, the sheer strangeness of it all very amusing and recommend it to anybody who wants to learn a thing or two about how blind love can be.

Ocean’s Eleven (2001, dir. Steven Soderbergh) ★★★★

I admit I was as pissed as Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt) following his discovery that the reason why Danny Ocean (George Clooney) was keen on carrying out an elaborate heist of the three biggest casinos in Las Vegas was to win his wife (Julia Roberts) back. But, along the way, I was reeled in by the airtight pacing of the multiple scams that were a part of the scheme and the natural banter that takes place among the members of the ensemble. Also, it’s quite impossible to be annoyed at something that starred so many big names during the peak of their careers. (I have a soft spot for Matt Damon, thanks a lot Good Will Hunting.) Although I already knew what was going to happen, it was a joyride to see everything unfold. Based on the ending (and the copies of Ocean’s Twelve and Thirteen that my dad owned as a kid), I can tell that it’s far from over and I’m surely looking forward to what happens next.

So, that’s it for today’s round-up! Hope something caught your interest: I’d be happy to send 123m*vies links for any of those that aren’t available on Netflix. Feel free to hit me up too: I'm honestly up for thought-provoking discussions and straight-up keyboard smashing. Wishing you love and light always, and don’t forget to wash your hands, check your privilege and pray for our frontliners!

#recs #angeltriestoblog #life dump #movies #movies to watch during quarantine #my eyes are irreparably strained #quarantingz

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foreverinadais · 3 years ago

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Comfort:

Summary: Y/N can’t sleep... luckily, Steven knows how to calm her.

Word Count: 839 words

Pairing: Steven x fem! reader

Warning: None, just pure fluff :);0

hi! i did a similar hc post which you can find here :)

“SHIT-” she practically shouted before quickly covering her mouth. But it was too late; Steven was up in a flash.

“BLOODY HELL WHAT HAPPENED?! Y/N/N?” She found the lamp in the dark and switched it on, looking at Steven’s face, illuminated with worry. She winced at the slight throb in her toe.

“I’m alright. Just stubbed my toe. I’m sorry I woke you, Stevie, I didn’t mean-”

“Shh it’s okay, come ‘ere, let me look.” She went to protest but he was already sitting her on the bed as he examined her injury.

“How does it look, doc?” she joked, and Steven mocked seriousness.

“Nonononono, darling, it’s okay! Why were you getting up, my love?” She stayed sat up, fiddling with her hands to avoid confrontation.

“I just…” she cut herself off with a sigh, shrugging.

“Oh my love. I had no idea, you don’t need to be sorry, honey. Shh, it’s okay, let it out, all of it, don’t want it to get bottled in that head of yours, eh? There you go.” His words carried her through the storm, and she gradually felt herself get settled, the grip she had on his top loosening slightly as he sobs subsided. “I’ll help you with whatever work I can, okay? All of us will. We can get through it one bit at a time. But right now, there’s nothing more you can do, not tonight, okay? You deserve rest, you need to rest. So let’s do that. That alright, my love?” She nodded, feeling comforted by his words.

“There’s my girl. Shall we go to sleep, my darling?”

“Yes please.” She croaked out, and he smiled at her lovingly, shuffling around on the bed so that he was lying back under the duvet, before bringing her with him. She settled with her head against his chest, a leg swung over his own, and her arm around his neck. She felt completely safe as he traced her skin with soft touches, whispering comforting affirmations to her as her eyes became heavy. “Thank you, Steven.” She whispered.

“Of course, my love.” He replied, placing a last kiss to the top of her head, “Always.”

#stevengrant #moonknight #steven grant x reader #steven with a v #fluff #ff #fem!reader

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useyourrwords · 6 years ago

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Month in Review // The Month From Hell – March

This month has given me more breakdowns than I can count.

So maybe it’s not the single worst month I’ve ever lived but honestly, it’s pretty high up there!

Between a car accident, still going through the mess of changing names, pain, oh so much fucking pain, a new doctor who doesn’t know how to help me, and an altercation I wish to just forget, I’m just about ready to hide under my blankets and never leave my room.

Unfortunately, that’s not an option and so I am sitting at me desk at work writing this instead.

If you would like to buy any of the following books please consider using my Book Depository Affliate link!

Month’s TBR

│The Dream Thieves││

│Skylarks││

│The Surface Breaks││

│The Female of the Species│││

│Sharp Objects││

│Blue Lily, Lily Blue││

│Truly Devious││

│Khutulun│tatterhood│Agnodice│Te Puea Herangi│Moremi Ajasoro│Sybil Ludington│Kurmanjan Datka│Andamana│Mary Seacole│Florence Nightingale│Gráinne “Grace O’Malley” Ni Mháille│Rejected Princesses││

│Empress Xi Ling Shi│Hatsheput│Agnodice│Trung Trӑc & Trung Nhi│Fatima Al-Fihri│Bygone Badass Broads││

Read

│The Surface Breaks│Lousie O’Neill│││││★★★★│Read Mar 13│

This book was so unapologetically feminist, I loved it.

│The Dream Thieves│The Raven Cycle #2│Maggie Stiefvater│││││★★★★★│Read Mar 25│

I think I jumped into this book too quickly after finishing the first so it took me a while to get through it but I got there eventually.

│Truly Devious│Truly Devious #1│Maureen Johnson│││││DNF Mar 22│

I don’t think fiction audiobooks are for me! at least not ones I haven’t already read. I’m switching to Non-Fic/memoirs and I’ll try rereading a fave eventually to see how I go with that.

│I’ve Got This Round│Mamrie hart││││

After realising ficiton audiobooks weren’t for me I needed a win so I returned Truly Devious for this because i love Mamrie and there’s no way I wouldn’t love this. I was right.

│Skylarks│Karen Gregory│││││

I’ve just been super invested in this one. I don’t know if it’s because i wasn’t reading it regularly since I normally read ARCs while I’m exercising…and I’ve not been exercising like at all this month. I don’t know. I’ll give it another go next month if I have time but otherwise it’ll probably be pushed back to May.

│Rad Girls Can│Kate Schatz│││││

I switched to this ARC since it’s only 112 pages and I figured SURELY I can finish this before the month is up. Nope. So April it is!

│Empress Xi Ling Shi│Hatsheput│Agnodice│Trung Trӑc & Trung Nhi│Fatima Al-Fihri│Bygone Badass Broads│Mackenzi Lee│││││

I didn’t do much but at least I got my entries read for both of these!

Book of the Month

│The Female of the Species│Mindy McGinnis││││││★★★★★│Read Mar 31│

Once I realised just how little I read this month and made myself power through this one and omg it was soooo good and worth it. I needed this book this month.

│Average Rating: 4.5★’s│ 5│

Structured TBR Pass or Fail?

│Must Read: 3/5│ 0/1│ 0/0│ 2/2│ 3/3│ 10/10│ 5/5│

│Allowances: 1/1│ 1/1│ 0/0│ 0/0│ 0/1│

Clearly this was a terrible reading month. I got hardly any reading done. I started off relatively strong but then I stopped exercising (for reasons I’ll go into further later in this post) so that was less time spent reading. And then I spent far more time watching TV when I should have been reading because Depression. And the audiobook wasn’t really working out for me so I didn’t get that read either. FUN.

Haul

│Barbed Wire Heart│Tess Sharpe│││

I loved Far From You so when I saw this was available on Netgalley I knew I needed it! And it wasn’t even a request, just one you could immediately download and my international blogger heart is v. v. thankful.

│Vicious│Villains #1│V.E. Schwab││

│Vengeful│Villains #1│V.E. Schwab│││

If you’ve been paying attention to my hauls sections you’re probably thinking “doesn’t Grey already have both of these books and the answer to that is yes absolutely but listen.

I have the paperback copy of Vicious in the old cover art because i bought it years ago…Well my mum bought it for me years ago but same same.

Then it was announced that with the long-awaited release of Vengeful we’d get all new cover art so I knew I’d be re-buying the first no matter what.

And then the collector’s edition came out for Vicious.

So I bought that and then Book Depository listed the hardback for Vengeful as a collector’s edition and so I ordered that as a birthday present to myself.

Only I don’t actually think it is a collector’s edition because it doesn’t say so on the cover or anything but oh well.

So I finally have both books with new covers only I don’t want to read them because if I do, I’ll want to annotate them and I don’t annotate collector’s edition as a rule for myself.

So I had to buy the paperbacks. I just had to. My hands were tied. Did I really have the money to? No, but I’ve had a hard month so fuck it.

Past Grey Reads

Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

Grey Reads // Everything’s On Fire and I Couldn’t Be Happier – Girls of Paper and Fire

Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3

Film & TV

Honestly I barely remember what I did actually watch.

Month’s TBW

│The Bold Type│Season 2││

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││

│I Am The Night│Season 1││

│The Umbrella Academy│Season 1││

│Russian Doll│Season 1││

│Sex Education│Season 1││

Watched

│The Bold Type│Season 2││2017│ Sarah Watson│ Katie Stevens, Aisha Dee, Meghann Fahy│★★★★★│

This show is so fucking good, I’m not not so patiently waiting for the third season to come out next month!

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6││2013│ Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur│ Andre Braugher, Andy Samberg, Stephanie Beatriz│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

The episode with the murder in the apartment and the making stupid promises to the mum and Jake slowly going crazy and Rosa with a different hair style every scene??? Iconic!

│RuPaul’s Drag Race│Season 11││2009│ RuPaul│RuPaul, Michelle Visage│Watching weekly episodes│★★★★★│

Between Miss Vanjie being the narrator of the season (and maybe my fave of all time), her hoemance with Brooke Lyn Heights, Yvie’s take no shit, own your shit attitude and Plastique’s fish???? I am in love with this season.

I could do without Silky’s obnoxious everything and R. Kelly style Untucked breakdowns but whatever.

│Russian Doll│Season 1││2019│ Leslye Headland, Natasha Lyonne, Amy Poehler│ Natasha Lyonne, Charlie Barnett, Greta Lee│★★★★★│

I am in love with Russian Doll and everything about it. It’s short, it’s smart, it’s quality TV and it’s fucking funny.

│Sex Education│Season 1││2019│ Laurie Nunn│ Asa Butterfield, Gillian Anderson, Emma Mackey│★★★★★│

This show is stupid funny but it’s also super intelligent and important. This is such a good show for teens to have easy access to and I can’t wait for the new season.

│Queer Eye│Season 3││2018│ Bobby Berk, Karamo Brown, Tan France │★★★★★│

This season had me crying my eyes out and I loved every second of it.

But my favourite moment is when Jody, on the first episode, comes out for the big reveal and the guys all lose their fucking minds! Especially Karamo’s and Antoni’s reactions. They were absolutely fucking gold.

│Game of Thrones│Season 1││2011│ David Benioff, D.B. Weiss│ Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Kit Harington│★★★★│

I mean, yes I am well aware of the problems Game of Thrones have and I am trash for it anyway. Is it as amazing as I initially thought?? Not at all but I’m in too deep now I can’t just not watch the final season.

So here I am re-watching the entire show with my mum to drag it out just a little longer and hopefully by the time we’re all caught up the final season, in it’s entirety, will be well and truly out.

I just have to try and avoid spoilers until then…which should actually be very easy because of something I’ll announce in my Month Ahead post.

Me after this month.

Music

│YUNGBLUD│11 Minutes + Halsey│Loner│Falling Skies + Charlotte Lawrence│

│Dodie│Burned Out│

│Troye Sivan + Lauv│i’m so tired…│

│Noah Cyrus│Sadness│Good Cry│

│Julia Michaels│Anxiety + Selena Gomez│Happy│

│Steve Aoki│Waste It on Me + BTS│

Past Grey Watches

Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

Use Your Words Highlights

Grey Reads // Bloody Moors & Candy Castles – The Wayward Children 2 & 3

Top Ten Tuesday // Audible and Overdrive Are My Lords & Saviors – My Audiobook TBR

Blogosphere Highlights

│Laura @ The Book Corps│#UNSOLVEDATHON: A BUZZFEED UNSOLVED READATHON — ANNOUNCEMENT AND SIGN UP!│#UNSOLVEDATHON BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│Why I’m Not Honestly That Excited for Game of Thrones: Season Eight│Eighteen Things I’ve Learned In My First Eighteen Years│

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│True Crime Tuesday: The Moors Murders│

│Jamieson @ Jamishelves│IF YOU LIKE THIS BOOK YOU’LL LIKE THIS TV SHOW !│

│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│Stressed About College? These Book Recs Are For You!│

│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│5 TIPS ON ANNOTATING YOUR BOOKS!│

│Marie @ Drizzle & Hurricane Books│10 YA BOOKS DEALING WITH ANXIETY│

│Avery @ Red Rocket Panda│DOWN THE TBR HOLE | USING THE #KONMARIE METHOD FOR MY PHYSICAL SHELVES│

│Fadwa @ Word Wonders│#DIVERSEBOOKBLOGGERSDISCUSS: THE FANTASY OF HISTORICAL ROMANCE│(SOME) BOOK BLOGGING PRESSURES & HOW TO FIGHT THEM│WORD WONDERS’ TBR EXPANSION: BOOKS WITH EAST AND SOUTH EAST ASIAN MAIN CHARACTERS│MY PRODUCTIVITY TOOLS – OR HOW TO BE A MASTER ORGANIZER!│

│Aurora @ Aurora Librialis│5 Book Quotes for International Women’s Day│

│Swetlana @ The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│6 Reasons To Watch On My Block│

│Qui @ The Black Lit Queen│Diversity vs. Representation|BLQ Quick Guide│

│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│How to Write Scenes that Balance Plot & Character // Scene and Sequel Sequences│

Past Month In Review

Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

Month in Review // I FINALLY CHANGED MY NAME – February

Month’s Goals

Get my mental health plan

Book a therapy session I have to wait until April ahhhhhhhh

Get a massage from mum —I just always forget okay

Try and take a mental health day

Try and take a mental health day later in the month

Keep my shit together —HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Start journaling —I will get to this eventually…

Quit soft drink

Start floor exercises—I keep adding this and never get around to it. —I couldn’t even go for my walks for most of the month so…

Try and read 5 books —I can’t even say I tried.

Don’t waste all my time on The Sims

Go to Writers Week

Considering how shit this month was I count 7/12 goals reached a fucking accomplishment!

My Nightmare Month

So it started well enough. I went to Writers Week on two different days and thoroughly enjoyed myself! but then i got into a car accident on the way to my third day.

Which was stressful and anxiety inducing. It’s been a nightmare to work through all the aftermath. I didn’t know if the accident would be covered by insurance or if I would even hear from the person who hit me. And then when I did get the good news of being covered I basically had to micromanage the insurance company because they did everything slow and I couldn’t afford slow. So that was loads of phone calls which is something that causes me anxiety so YAY.

It’s mostly all sorted out. I still need to take my plates in and get a refund on my rego which I tried to do a couple days ago and got frustrated so that’s a task for another day.

I did get to go to the Fringe Festival and see Daniel Sloss’s new comedy special which was absolutely brilliant! He talked about rape culture and really put the onus on men and how they need to work and go out of their way to think critically of themselves and society and what they can do to dismantle rape culture. I laughed and sobbed. My mum nearly pissed herself laughing and it was a great night out with to die for Sri-Lankan food hot buttered squid will blow your fucking mind! and I discovered that I like to drink Pimms.

Throughout the month I’ve still been sorting out my name change because that is a long and drawn out process of changing my name everywhere and hitting road blocks constantly has be incredibly frustrating but I’m nearly finished!

I have also been doing all of this while in incredible pain because chronic illness.

My March mood

Basically my feet have been very painful, I knew the solution, doctor refused me, mum took me to a doctor who knows our history and I got the solution so I can actually start walking regularly again which will help my mental health loads.

My mum also took me to replace all of my shoes which was both expensive and needed so I have the best shoes for walking and working and running around doing errands and going out!

I was ready to end the month on a positive. Sure the start had rattled me a lot, and I was big depressed because of pain for most of it but I did have a few great experiences and I’d resolved almost all the long running issues.

And then while I was waiting for mum to finish work a couple of days ago, I sat and read in the foodcourt.

A man approached me and invaded my personal space and stared at me, knowing it would make me uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that it distracted me from the fact he was trying to steal my purse.

Thankfully I noticed at the last minute and grabbed it back because I would have been a fucking mess if I had gone to all the trouble replacing everything in my purse with my new name on it, only to have to do it all over again because someone stole my it all.

The man walked off but I would be lying if I said it didn’t terrify me. The way he stared at me was so unnerving and I don’t handle people being in my personal space…like at all. Even people I know and trust have to always ask permission first. I don’t let men I know in my personal space at all because I know what men are capable of. But to have a man I don’t know get in my face with the purpose to make me uncomfortable, especially after the month I’ve had, was enough for me to completely come undone.

I’m thankful for the cleaner for checking up on me, even though I burst into tears, and I’m thankful for the girl who approached me after as well to try and be supportive.

She had fire in her eyes and in that moment I had wished that that was what I looked like instead of the girl I was, not being able to hold back tears and trying to keep calm in the middle of an anxiety attack.

More than anything, I’m thankful for my mum for being so supportive and understanding and being exactly what I needed her to be and for calling out the men who made things worse, while trying to help, when I didn’t have the strength to.

I’ve argued with myself on whether to share this and maybe I might delete it all before it gets published, but I think it’s important for women to share their experiences with how men have preyed upon them, whether sexually or not, and how men continue to use their power to get what they want from us, regardless of the negative impact it has on us.

I just—girls, women, know that if something like this happens to you, if something worse happens to you, it’s not your fault, it’s never your fault. The way you react to it is right because it’s your experience and your emotions. I’m trying to remind myself of that.

And men, know that if you’re not actively trying to stop this shit from happening, aren’t pulling your friends up for those gross comments they make, then you’re part of the fucking problem. I don’t want to hear that you personally would never do this. That shit isn’t enough. It’s never been enough. This all lies at your feet and fuck you for helping to hold up a society that makes us think any of it is our own fault.

And if something like this happens to a girl or woman you know then ask her what she needs, ask her the best way for you to help. Because nine times out of ten the way you react naturally is going to be the complete fucking opposite of what she needs and you might make things worse. And that’s on you, not her.

Past Month Ahead

Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

Month Ahead // Writers Week, Comedy & Too Much To Do – March

Thank fuck March is over.

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

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popculturebuffet · 5 years ago

Text

Jake’s Reviews: Amphibia: Quaraller’s Pass and Toadcatcher

On this week’s episodes, Sprig and Polly won’t stop sibling arguing forcing Anne and Hop Pop to leave them on the side of the road to figure it out.. or else. Either way the fighting stops so good times. Meanwhile Sasha and Grime are both reeling from the end of last season with Sasha burying her feelings wide and deep and Grime sinking into a pile of trash, junk food and depression.. so he’s basically become me then and both must rise out of it when the Newts send someone to collect him. We’re on the road to Keith David, come on inside after the cut. Also in more serious stuff suicide trigger warning since.. well the finale of season 1 and all.

And we’re back.. and this time on the actual day! What a concept.. I kid of course I had good reason last time but it’s still nice to get this out when people will actually care.

Quaraller’s Pass

We open with Anne and Hop Pop driving the Fwagon, and yes i’ve given up and called it that i’m not made of stone, and remarking about the fact their halfway to newtopia and it’ll only be another two weeks.. a nice meta joke that actually gets to land this time due to the show getting to air week to week for a change. In fact things have gone smoother than Hop Pop thought though both would change one thing: Sprig and Polly have been fighting non-stop.. entirely off screen. Ugh. This annoys me for two reasons: 1 we don’t get an actual on screen scene of them fighting to properly set it up and 2. they’ve been just fine up to this point. Now I will grant shit happens while we’re not looking in shows, that’s fine, life happens and we can’t see every second of characters lives.

Steven Universe for instance, while falling into forgetting to show us important stuff too sometimes, did this really well in season 5: While the Steven and Connie sepearation arc is a mixed bag, to be sure, they did use the fact Steven couldn’t use lion to check on lars fo ra few weeks well, and by the time we saw him again, he’d gone from hiding with the rest of his newfound friends in the catacombs of homeworld to having not only stolen one of homeworld’s best ships, but having a rivalry with the ships previous owner and having fought her several times, as well as he and the off colors both taking several levels in badass. It was a nice way to speed up things with Lars, as with this probably being the last season as far as the crew knew they didn’t have time for a full episode of lars getting off homeworld, and was a really nice twist when it was revealed and good character development for Lars, showing that seperated from his old baggage and with his self loathing having gone down, just what Lars was capable of. Here though? It’s just a lazy excuse to have a fued episode. Like the above it is plausable and it’s not a stretch that two siblings would argue nonstop on a road trip. Having an older brother and having been on several your going to fight eventually. Close proximity mixed with lingering tension will do that. The problem here is.. it’s just not in service of anything new or intresting. WIth the above example, the offscreen movments put lars in a new an dintresting place.. and then contrasted it when he started freaking out upon finding out Sadie had gotten a new intresting life herself while he was gone. Here it’s just “Oh wow they’ve been fighting and it’s not funny aside from one brilliant gag we’ll get to” and leads to the obvious conclusion. I don’t expect a huge character thing but I expect more comedically and character wise from this show. So yeah the two are fighting and bring it outside as they apparently tend to do which, credit where it’s due, is the second funniest gag of the episode, as the two do impressions of each other.. by which I mean Polly and Sprig’s voice actors do the voices for the impressionss, so Sprig’s voice is coming out of polly’s body when she does an impression of him and vice versa. It WOULD have been nice to see the voice actors do the impressions themselves, but it still works on sure surrelaness and on both sides acting obnoxious as polly yells in hop pop’s ear and sprig keeps punching anne. Naturally both , like the audience, want this to end already and faking his death won’t work again.

Thankfully Hop Pop soon finds a solution: Quarallers Pass, an upcoming pass that works to end fueds and force qualring travel companions to work together.. and it dovetails into the wagon trail so Anne and HOp Pop aren’t just leaving the other half of their family to die. So yeah Hop Pop dumps the two out of the wagon, explains it and the dovetaling thing I just mentioned and when the two start obnoxiously fighting again, he and Anne just leave em. We do get another good bit though as Anne leaves her phone with Sprig to call her, only to realize they only have one phone and sprig has no idea what she wants him to do. We only see anne and hop pop again once before the finale, with Hop Pop unable to take the silence as Anne enjoys the peace.. until Hop Pop makes the mistake of asking her if she has a boyfriend back home and she responds apporiatley.. but literally kicking him out of the fwagon, and wordlessly suggesting he let that one marinate. I mean.. ther’es no unvierse where that went well, including the one where she said “Nope, Girlfriends” before doing it and let the obvious implications of that given how this series started and who she’s hoping to see soon sink in.

But yeah the episode goes about how you’d expect, the two fight, then find an obstacle, as the pass is set up to force them to work together, which they do, and the two bond again and enjoy being a team. Because i’ts an effed up world but it’s a two player game. They have a thankfully breif song nad end up finding the exit blocked by a painting, and go into a cave, then fight again and yeah.. this episode is very slight and the laughs mentioned above are the only ones for miles. We do however get another small saving grace for the episode as the two each find a monster wnatin got eat them only to discover it’s ONE beast, split down the middle, a blind eel worm thing that can’t see but it can hear them. The two then manage to escape it and hide and the two eel heads bigger, with Sprig and Polly realizing that’s annoying before using their super vintrloquist skills to escape. If this summary is breif that’s because it’s just.. I really can’t think of many jokes because this episode annoys me though the monster design IS cool and a neat concept, it’s just wrapped in an otherwise weak episodes. The two escaape, deciding to call truce and hug. Awww. Soon after Anne and Hop Pop arrive with Anne not carring if they passed as she’s been in the middle of a lecture on romantic relationshisp with hop pop.. a fate worse than death to be sure, and end sthe episode shoving him off a cliff when he brings up the boyfriend thing again as he dosen’t learn. The end. Final Thoughts: As you can tell by how I tried to get through it as fast as possible this time around, I REALLY didn’t like this one. Ther’es a few good gags and an intresting monster as the show is still really good even on it’s off days.. but otherwise it’s just really weak. I HOPED like last week a seemingly benging episdoe would be good but it’s just yoru standard “two characters sudeenly have beef” and getting into sibling rivalry would’ve been fine.. if they hadn’t DONE THIS ALREADY with the movie night episode last season, which was far more intresting and had a solid reason for htem fighting: Polly always gets what she wants and SPrig’s tired of caving to be a good big brother. its a MUCH stronger conflict than “siblings fight sometimes’ hwich they do and would on a road trip, but sometimes realisim dosen’t mean a stories GOOD or should be told, it just means we get two cahracters annoyingly bickering when not teaming up for 5 minute,s and one or two good gags stretched over a very thin 11 minutes, not helepd by it being RIGHT before a far more important and presumibly intresting episode. It’s just.. forgetable, slight and not very good. I coudln’t even find many jokes to make out of it out of a combination of lack of any good material and me just not wanting to dwell on this nothing of an episode for long outside of the great bits of Anne and Hop Pop.

A really weak episode with some great gags and a waste of a great monster idea. It COULD have been used to have them quarrel, but even siblings who fight over the littest thing still fight over something other than the minor annoyances and a little more substance from a show that’s usually better about providing it would’ve been ncie. Just.. a frustratingly bleh episode.

Toadcatcher: Onto our Main Event and the reason the previous episode was even more insufferable. We catch up with Sasha mid-training montage, and naturally given what we saw in the finale she’s swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, the strength of a raging fire and the mystery of the dark side of the moon.. which is to say not a lot. We all know it’s where Cyclops put his house.

Of course what starts out sorta inspriing ends up.. kinda disturbing as she’s set up training dummies of the plantars and destroys all but one easily and angrily... the last one of course being Hop Pop.. maybe she sees him as a grandpa figure or feels bad about i’m just fucking with you of course it’s Anne. She does get her at sword point. but not before flashing back both to Anne taking her on, and to her own attempted suicide. And already this episode is really engaging just on this one scene: We see WHY Sasha hasn’t reformed overnight and it makes sense: The last time she felt like that, realized the weight of her actions and felt guilt for how she treated Anne and the Others.. she nearly took her own life.. to save them sure, but she still just couldn’t take the sheer weight of it because again 13, and because while Amphibia MIGHT have therapists, she has no acess to one. She probably feels if she lets herself feel like that, THINK about her actions and THINK about what she’s done she might not make it. IT’s a REALLY sobering thought and a really dark place for me to go.. but it’s the place she’s in, lost.

As a rap musical version of George Washinton put it “I know you have dreams of fighting and dying like a martyer. Dying is EASY young man, living is HARDER. “ It’s one thing to go out in one big gesture, clear away all the things you’ve done, and be done with it.. it’s another to wake up the next morning and realize your still here. She Ra also dealt with this recently with Catra doing largely the same.. sure she didn’t DIE or nearly die, but she was brainwashed, nearly lost herself and then was nearly killed out of spite. It’s the same principal: neither expected to come back, and both have to deal with it. And as I said Sasha is fucking 13. Grown adults can barely deal with tis sort of thing and sometimes they really can’t. How the hell is a child supposed to cope? SO she copes unhealthily, burying her guilt, seeing her attempted saviors as enemies and blaming them. If Hop Pop hadn’t stood up, if they hadn’t taken Anne for her they’d be gone, she and Anne would be happy and Grime would still be in top shape and Sasha.. she woudlnt’ be FEELING guilt or derpession or rage or all this complex feelings. It’s their fault, not hers not grimes not anyone elses. When it’s NOT that easy, it’s not that simple and it’s in now way their fault. And it’s shown by the fact that unlike with the Plantars , who she barely knows and can demonize easy.. she can’t with Anne. Anne’s her best friend, she loves her.. she can’t just.. make her a bad guy because she’s on a diffrent side or demonize her defying Sasha when even if she wont’ admit it Sasha know she was wrong. It’s why I ended up liking this directoin: Change is hard and you have to WANT it for it to stick, and Sasha’s in no mental place to want it right now. She just , much like Anne, wants to get back to some form of normalcy and try and bury it down.

But with Toad Tower gone things arne’t normal as seen when Sasha calls for Grime to see how she did.. and he’s not there. Grime is instead in a nearbye shack having basically turned into me: a depressed blob of a person binging tv and eating copius amounts of junk food while wondering where time and his life has gone. Okay maybe not the last part but yeah. Also in a nice continuity odd he’s binging on Suspcion Island, the delciously over the top , though given Riverdale which as I mentioned in a previous amphibia recap, yes really, was the show where Archie got mauled by a bear and lived with little to no scars after fleeing to Canda to avoid a cult based around a d and d knockoff and a drug called jingle jangle. I mean when that’s the reality of teen drama these days they only have to crank the knob up by so much. But yeah Grime’s in a really bad place, can relate obviously, and it’s not what I expected: I expected in grand villian manner for him to have some evil plan and still be corrupting sasha and what not.... but this is actually better. Instead he’s just done, and just lazing about despite Newtopia putting a bounty on his head.. also revealing that he was given the Captain job by them which is all kinds of worrysome for obvious reasons, but it’s a neat twist, revealing the toad’s were simply used by the Newts as a tool to hold down the frogs. Sasha TRIES breaking him out of it by having percy and braddock stage an attack.. but gives up when it’s clear Grime is just out of fucks to give and not moving from this chair. Nope. Not getting out of this chair. He actually takes it well though, as he’s not only apparently on better terms with the two, but even invites them to watch tv, though Sasha quickly puts the kibosh on that and sends the two into town for suplies.. which really isn’t that bad and they clearly are still happy about it.. I Mean their a brand new couple and the last time they got alone time was when Sasha passed out trianing in the woods and that was ruined when Grime walked in on them during and asked to watch and no one’s talked about it since. Sasha tries to convince grime to attack the frogs and get his old self back on track.. but he points out that most of their army abandoned him during his downward spiral, and they are in now shape to go on an authritarian rampage and Grime is sure he can handle whoever newtopia sends after him.

In town we meet our newst antagonist: General Yunaan. Scourge of the sand wars, defeater of Ragnar the Wretched, and the youngest newt to ever achieve the rank of General in the great Newtopian Army, who does that every time she meets someone new and is annoyed no one around her knows about any of that and just wolverine claws a plate in half to intimdate the dishwasher, but gets nothing.. but WE get reactions from the various townies who reveal that Grime si famous for being a toad who rose from poverty and squalor as a gladiator to glory as a captain. It’s an intresting wrinkle and adds to his backstory: he puts on airs of sophisticaion so much because he came from nothing, and brutally fought his way and explains his lack of people or leadership skills: He was given a simple post intemdating the local helpelss townsfolk for beign good at punching people for the delight of the 1%. They don’t give you managment classes in gladiator arena’s.. at least not since that lion ate his whole class. Lucky for her Braddock and Percy are taking some time for themselves to have a meal and their first date in weeks probably and loudly talk about Grime because they aren’t exactly compitent on a good day. Yunnan tries getting it out of them, feigns giving up when they transparentntly lies, then hides in the ceiling nad finds out Grime’s position when the two naturally blab the minute they think she’s gone because while their sweethearts and I hope they have a long and happy life together, their loyal not compitent. Sometimes you gotta pick one or the other. It’s why Megatron keeps starscream around: He’s not LOYAL, but he can be compitent in the right continuity.

Back at the camp, which we now know is an abandoned mill, Sasha tries to light a fire under Grime.. when Yunann approaches.. and interputs her title schtick to wonder if that’s really grime, which he confirms and she confirms she’s there to kill em. Sasha isn’t impressed wondering why a general dosen’t have an army behind her.. but she gives a slasher smile, cuts down the trees and what not around her with no effort, and says “they slowed me down’> Bad.. ass.. she really is this universes wolverine.. and as such Sasha decides to super run away because Grimes in no shape to fight and she dosen’t want to get snkited in the kidneys. The two go on the run, with Sasha once again understandably complaning about Grime’s lack of skills, even if she does keep up with her decently. Grime however, decides to push back this time and tells Sasha to at least admit the real reason she’s buried herself in training. Sasha TRIES to wave it off as just being about loosing the biggest fight of her life.. but Grime sees right through that bullshit.. she’s not mad about loosing the fight, any good warrior especailly grime himself knows one lost battle dosen’t mean the war.. she’s mad she lost Anne. That Anne defied her and that their friendship will never be the same again, if there’s one left to save. The two are stopped by a waterfall, and Sasha’s prepared to stand and fight.. while Grime refuses.. not out of cowardace or due to being out of shape but to protect HER. It really shows his saving her at the end of last season wasn’t just saving his best weapon.. he’s grown to genuinely care about her like the daughter he never had because he took one too many shots tot he sugarlumps in the arena. Here’s an honest reinactment of that.

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I still don’t know why he dove in crotch first. Sasha refuses though revealing she’s not just training to swallow her feelings.. she’s doing so she’s strong enough to protect the one friend she has left: Grime. I’m as shocked as Grime is honestly, as I genuinely thought she was just using him for her own benifit.. but she cares about the guy. It also adds a nice wrinkle to things as it’s one thing for her to leave an an asshole who needed a good pawn.. it’s another for the two to be every bit the family Anne and the Plantars are. She can’t just.. walk away from him and he can’t do the same. It’s not easy and it makes Sasha reforming that much harder as now BOTH must want to change , or Grime must do something really bad to her which is doubtful, to make changing a good prospect for Sasha. Yunan naturally shows up to fight, rattling off her titles, the repettition helps, and preparing to gut them, but when she knocks Sasha down grime is actually ready to fight now he has something worth fighting for and the two unite. While Grime gets knocked down pretty quick Sasha’s training/emotoinal avoidance pays off and she takes yunan one on one even breaking one of her claws with her neat pink sword. It’s a quick, furious and goregiously animated fight and an utter delight to see. Sasha ends up loosing at the alst minute thanks to Yunan’s tail.. but Grime has recovered by then and sneaks up on her while Sasha stalls her by getting her to mention her titles again so Grime can push her off a cliff. Both recite their own titles, and Grime is back in the saddle again, the two now friends for life and Grime deciding fuck simply taking the Valley back. That’s thinking small.. he’s tired of working for someone else. He’s raising an army and TAKING Newtopia and thus the world.. after finishing his binge watch.. because while this is the old determined grime he’s also now the very dad new grime too. And because i’d do the same if I was an evil wannabe dictator bent on taking back what should’ve been mine. Sasha swears to anne that while she has a new path it’s not over. whelp this can’t end well. Final Thoughts;

Easily the best of the season so far. The episode deepens both sasha and grimes characters and while setting them up to once again meance where our heroes will be hanging their hat it does so intrestingly: instead of dominating the frogs because that’s how it’s done, it’s setting up a three way dance between our heroes, the newts who clearly have some caste system issues, and Grime who wants to take it all for himself, as well as putting our three lost humans up against each other eventually before they even reunite. I mean as synopsis show Anne and Marcy will be on good terms and what not.. but it’s also clear that this c an’t last with the way the newts are acting. War is a coming, and it’s going to be intense. But yeah the episode has stunning action and even better character work and Grime is the standout here: Taking what was a one dimensonal villian and not only giving him a humorous side with his downward spiral, but showing he genuinely cares for sasha and changing that dynamic for the better, while also giving him an intresting backstory that will likely get even more fleshed out as the season rolls on. This episode was well worth the wait and is just behind “Reunited” as the series best so far. Outstanding. And since the end of my previous review and final thoughts got swept away as it turned out, and I didn’t notice till this week the episodes, there was no ranking soooo... Toadcatcher Truck Stop Polly Anne Hunter Handy Anne Fort in the Road The Ballad of Hopidiah Plantar A Caravan Named Desire Quaraller’s Pass Next week Kermit the Frog is here fresh off Muppet’s Now!, which was pretty good by the by to do a voice, while we get the long awaited Gravity Falls Homage! Excitment! Until then like, subscribe, check here for my previous amphibia reviews and here for my most recent reviews looking at x-men evolution and until next time, courage.

#Amphibia #anne boonchuy #hopidiah plantar #sprig plantar #polly plantar #captain grime #sasha waybright #percy #braddock #general yunan #toadcatcher #quarralers pass #reviews #weekly recaps #recaps

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