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Brooklyn’s Sweetheart Chapter 15: Big Fucking Trouble—With a Capital T

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Chapter Summary: Steve has some real Anger Management Issues (capitalized for emphasis). Perhaps he should try some coping techniques, like deep breathing, or restorative yoga, or a hefty glass of straight whiskey.

Word Count: 4,660

Warnings: Language, violence, anger issues

A/N: So I know it's been quite a few weeks, and I'm sorry for taking so long to get the next chapter out! i've been swamped with assignments, and then Thanksgiving happened, and it's just been a hectic time so you'll have to forgive me. Big thanks to my beta, @jessieray98​ --she's AMAZING!!

Masterlist / AO3

“Do you think this is normal?” Bucky muttered to Steve the next night. It was dinnertime and Y/N was sitting at the table, staring blankly at the pizza in front of her.

She had been like this all day. Silent, brooding, sad. She had stayed in bed until noon; although Steve had wanted to wake her up earlier, Bucky convinced him to let her sleep in. They only woke her up when it was time for lunch, which she barely touched. Now at dinner, she still wasn’t eating, although they had ordered from her favorite pizza place.

Steve, who was at the counter with Bucky dishing up their own pizza, frowned, replying in a quiet voice that she couldn’t hear, “She’s gotta eat some time.”

“She’s grieving. If she doesn’t want to talk, we shouldn’t make her.”

“We can at least make her eat,” Steve grumbled, irate at the entire situation. They went to go sit next to her at the table.

“Ready to eat?” Bucky asked, trying to keep his tone cheerful. After Bucky and Steve had already finished their first slices, she still hadn’t taken a single bite of hers.

Steve was fed up, and of course, he had never been the best at controlling his temper. The tension had been building all day, and Bucky should have expected things to blow up soon enough. “Eat your damn food, Y/N,” Steve barked at her.

“I’m not hungry.” Her voice was hoarse from not speaking all day and from all the crying she had done when they weren’t looking.

“Can’t you just eat one slice?” Bucky coaxed, his voice soft. “Please?”

She clenched her jaw, a rush of anger towards Bucky surging through her. Stuffing it down into the depths of her chest, she tightened her hands into fists, trying her hardest to contain the rage within, body tense with the effort. “No,” she answered him shortly, afraid if she opened her mouth for any longer, she would let everything out, every vile thing she wanted to say to them.

Steve had just about had it. “Y/N,” he snapped, “You’re gonna eat a slice of that fucking pizza. Right. Now.”

“Or what?” The petulant girl before him maintained eye contact with him. Steve’s eyes flashed, the vein in his temple pulsing. She couldn’t help but challenge him. Maybe to show him that she wouldn’t bend to his will, maybe to see just what he would do about it.

He and Bucky were both on their feet at once. Steve started towards Y/N, hands ready to grab her by the hair, but Bucky stood in his path, stopping him from touching her.

“Steve,” Bucky grunted, using all his strength to hold Steve back, “Steve, think about this. Now is not the time!”

“The little brat needs to learn her place,” Steve snarled. Meanwhile, Y/N watched on, shocked. It was the first time Bucky had ever intervened in Steve teaching her a lesson. Even before that summer, back when Steve’s punishments didn’t involve sexual misconduct, Bucky had always allowed Steve to rebuke her and scold her to his heart’s content. But this wasn’t a matter of her disobeying little rules or being a brat. She wasn’t going to let them control her anymore.

“Go to bed,” Bucky ordered her in a low growl. She obeyed, not for the sake of following his orders, but because she couldn’t stand to be around Steve anymore. Scurrying to Bucky’s bedroom, she shut the door and locked it just as she heard the front door open and slam closed. The noise made her jump, and she rushed to get into Bucky’s bed,  curling up in his comforter. It smelled like him, his cologne, sandalwood and tobacco.

Despite her anger towards him now, her disgust at the man who helped kill her father, the scent brought back so many memories, and she let herself sink into them.

Snowy days curled up together watching movies, naps taken after school when she didn’t have swim practice, warm hugs and tender touches that didn’t mean anything more than friendship at the time. She and Bucky had always had fun together—he always seemed to encourage her rowdiness, her competitive side. Racing him downhill when they went on skiing trips, or competing who could do the most laps at the pool, or who could build the biggest sandcastle at the beach.

But Bucky was more than just that. Bucky was always her solace, not just a protector or guardian, but a source of comfort, peace. Memories of Bucky comforting her when her father yelled at her, distracting her while her father held tense mob meetings downstairs, keeping her safe when strange men came to their house, their predatory gazes pinned on her whenever she would enter the room. Not just safety, but security, especially when Steve wasn’t available to be that role for her.

Steve, on the other hand, had always been that rule maker, the one to lay down the law, to keep her safe at the expense of her happiness. At one point, he had been a friend, too, sweet and kind and coddling, albeit overprotective to a fault. But he certainly hadn’t always been angry and mean. She was 14 years old when his mother died, and that’s when Steve grew cold—not just with her, but with everyone.

Her memories of Steve before that were different. He always made sure she was fed, and warm, and safe, and happy. He used to pick her up every day after school and buy her food—hot dogs, or pizza, or ice cream, indulge her in whatever she chose. The only time he wasn’t kind to her was when she was a brat, and even then, he would reprimand her and then make it up to her afterwards with gentle words and hugs and treats to make up for it.

After his mother died, Tony took Steve under his wing, focused on him more than the other young men in the mob, groomed him to be cold and calculating and emotionless, just as a mob leader should be. The only emotion Steve was allowed to show was anger, all of his sadness bottled up inside him, waiting to be released as rage and violence.

Occasionally, she still saw glimpses of his old self. Those moments of softness became few and far between, and Y/N cherished them whenever they came. The locket he gave her for her birthday, the time he taught her how to paint, the morning cuddles they had shared just the other day—those rare moments of affection and kindness that she missed dearly, that she yearned for.

As sudden as the thought came, she berated herself for it. Steve had helped kill her father. She wasn’t supposed to want him, just like she wasn’t supposed to want Bucky. Her heart broke for the thousandth time as she recounted how sweet they could be. How could she ever reconcile that with their despicable actions?

Unable to help herself, she cried silently into Bucky’s pillow, until she fell into a light sleep.

Steve came back home a few hours later, knuckles bloody and bruised. In the meantime, Bucky had stress-eaten the entire pizza, half a tub of chocolate ice cream, and he was just considering whether to make a Cubano or a Reuben sandwich when the lock turned and Steve walked in.

Shiny with sweat, dirt all over his clothes, knuckles bruised and bloody, Bucky could tell that Steve had been beating something up. Or someone, based on his split lip and the cut above his eyebrow.

“Steve—”

Before Bucky could get a word in, Steve sent him a sharp glare, stormed into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut. By the time he heard the sound of the shower running, he had all of the ingredients out for both sandwiches and was hastily slathering mustard onto bread.

He craved the sandwiches of the deli down the street, but he felt wary about leaving Steve alone with their girl.

The entire situation made Bucky unbelievably anxious, especially since Steve had been such a menace the past few days. Sure, the man had a temper—anger issues, definitely—but it wasn’t usual for him to be so cross with Y/N, even when she was acting petulant and obnoxious. Now, though, the mob was in danger. The tension was so high, Steve’s stress was peaked, and it bled into his mood, making him much more volatile than usual.

Another component was that they had begun this relationship with her. Now that Steve felt a broader sense of ownership and responsibility over her, it was different; her anger and defiance and deliberate disobedience felt more personal somehow.

Her behavior annoyed Bucky, especially the night she had gone to Manhattan with Wanda, putting herself in danger so carelessly. However, for the most part, he was just concerned about her, and frustrated that he couldn’t do anything to help. He knew what it was like to lose parents, and he knew she would be going through the stages of grief. His mood had bounced all over the place in the immediate time after his parents died—until he had discovered unhealthy coping mechanisms, like sex and drugs and suppressing his emotions.

That had been years ago, and it had taken him a long time to get back to some sense of normalcy. He knew that she would be changed forever by this turn of events.

It broke his heart to see her like this. He hadn’t been with her for long—it had only been a week or so since their illicit relationship had begun, but Bucky already felt so strongly for her. He had only ever been in love with Steve—had never fallen out of love with him, to be honest—and he couldn’t help but think it felt much the same with Y/N.

Now wasn’t the time for that issue, though. He would only scare her away during her time of crisis and make everything worse.

By the time Bucky had made both sandwiches and mulled over the entire situation, the water in the bathroom turned off, and Bucky held his breath, waiting for Steve. He exited the bathroom along with a cloud of steam, a towel slung around his waist.

He looked miserable. The anger had worn off by then, leaving a sense of helplessness for the situation.

Steve sat on the couch, not bothering to put on clothes. “She’s never going to trust me.”

“Steve—”

“We did all of this wrong. Now I don’t know how to get a hold of her.” He couldn’t control her, and that’s what scared Steve the most. It scared him to the point of rage, to the point of violence.

Manipulating her had always been so easy. What had changed? Was it him? Had he lost his touch? Was he so terrifying now with the storm of uncontrolled anger and tension within, that he had lost her completely?

Or was it her? Was she old enough now to see him for who he really is?

And if that was the truth—well, no wonder she wanted nothing to do with him. Steve didn’t deserve anything as good as her.

Bucky sat beside him, sensing Steve’s self-doubt, his anger, his sadness. Steve always worked so hard to suppress the emotions, but Bucky could read him better than anyone. He couldn’t hide anything from Bucky.

“Here,” Bucky said, handing Steve the Cubano. “Eat up.”

And they ate the sandwiches, side by side, while the girl who owned their hearts slept in the next room.

The next morning proved to be even harder than the previous night.

“Darling. Honey. Sweetheart.” Bucky was given the task of waking Y/N up for the funeral. Steve stood in the doorway, observing, determined not to get involved. “You gotta wake up. You need to get ready.”

She grunted and shoved his hand away from stroking her hair. “No.”

“The funeral is in an hour. We need to get ready to go.”

“I’m not going.”

Bucky released a breath through his nose. “Honey, I know you’re mad at him. I know he did terrible things. But this is the last time you’re going to be able to get any closure with him. You need to go to the funeral.”

“I’m. Not. Going.”

“You’re gonna be mad for a long time, that’s not gonna change, but in the long run, this will help with—”

“Bucky, I’m not fucking going!” she yelled, smacking his hand away from her. “Leave me the fuck alone!”

Rage boiled through Steve, a dangerous drug, a familiar old friend. He couldn’t stop it. “Y/N,” he seethed through clenched teeth, “Get up, you are going to the goddamn funeral.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Everyone is expecting you to be there!” he shouted, losing his temper once again.

Well, Y/N had a temper of her own, and after stewing in her rage all night, she was ready to yell at Steve for any reason. “Fuck you! You can’t make me go, Steve!” she sneered his name with so much disrespect, and Bucky only blinked once before Steve was on her, hand in her hair, dragging her out of bed. Her shrieks echoed throughout the apartment as Steve pulled her into the bathroom, and she scrambled behind him every step of the way, nails clawing at his wrist, trying in vain to keep up with his long strides.

He tossed her in the tub and twisted the shower knob with enough force to yank it off, and once cold water started to spray down on her, her yells only increased in volume, curse words and rude names sprinkled in liberally, language that they had rarely heard her use before.

“You fucking asshole, stop it! Let me go! I’m not going to the—"

Steve ignored the verbal onslaught, crouching down and trying to pull her clothes off. “Help me out, Buck,” Steve grunted when her flailing limbs became too much to handle. Bucky held her down, thwarting each attempted punch and kick, while Steve managed to get all of her clothes off. By the time she was nude, her face was flushed and angry tears began to well up in her eyes.

“Fuck both of you! You’re both bastards! I can’t believe I ever liked you—”

Steve silenced her by aiming the detachable showerhead directly at her face, making her cough and splutter as she got a lungful of water. It provided enough of a distraction for Bucky to start shampooing her hair while Steve scrubbed a bar of soap over her skin. All the while, her tears fell, but her tirade did not lighten between her sobs.

“This will be good for you in the long run,” Bucky said evenly as he washed her hair.

“No it won’t!” she growled, thrashing in their grip until Steve held her down with soapy hands, a bruising grip on her wrists.

“Calm the fuck down,” he grunted, “You’re going to the fucking funeral, you little brat, so help me—"

“You’re horrible!” she wailed, chest heaving as she gulped in more air. “You’re horrible, and despicable, and degenerate—and—and—and your mother would’ve been so disappointed in you Steve—”

Wasting no time, Steve silenced her with his fist against her face, something in between a punch and a slap that left her collapsed at the bottom of the tub, ears ringing, vision blacking out for a moment while she regained her wits.

Bucky pulled her back up, not to comfort her, but to continue bathing her. Rinsing his hands, he swiped his fingers against her aching cheek where Steve had left milky suds against angry red flesh, then continued scrubbing conditioner into her hair. “Tip your head back,” he instructed her, an impassive expression plastered on his face, guiding her head back with utilitarian movements. Not too gentle but not rough, either.

Towering above her, Steve met her gaze. She had never seen him look at her like that before—not just anger, but wrath and disgust written across his features. “Don’t you ever talk about my mother again.” His tone was low, threatening, and his eyes shone with hatred or tears or something else she couldn’t tell.

He stormed out of the bathroom then, and she resumed crying, silently this time.

Bucky didn’t have much sympathy for her, not when she delivered such a low blow. He continued his soothing actions of rinsing out her conditioner, then grabbed the bar of soap to continue washing her body. “You shouldn’t have mentioned his mother.”

I know, she thought. “I don’t care,” she replied with a sullen sniffle, taking the soap bar from him.

“Can you do this yourself?” he asked.

“Yes,” she gritted. “You can leave.”

“Don’t take too long.”

As she scrubbed her skin with the soap, shivering from the frigid temperature of the water, she thought about what might happen at the funeral.

The Catholic traditions her family subscribed to mandate a wake, which was to take place that morning. Then the hour-long Mass to follow, and then the funeral afterwards. There would be so many people from the mob there—they would probably be the only ones in attendance, in fact.

Her father’s parents were no longer alive, and he had no siblings or other family. Her mother wouldn’t be there, of course—and her mother had no family left that cared about Obadiah.

Aside from the mob, who else did Obadiah have?

She didn’t want to see any of the mob, especially not for these funeral proceedings that would take hours. Her father had somehow betrayed them, and then they arranged for his death. Where did that leave her?

It was sure to be long, and tortuous, and painful, and…

Well, she had no intention of going either way.

She turned up the hot water and sat back, letting the stream warm her up and relax her muscles.

Twenty minutes passed and she still hadn’t come out or even turned off the shower, and Bucky was starting to get anxious again. Steve, on the other hand, was seething as Bucky tied his tie for him, a half-Windsor knot tied to perfection.

“Some nerve she has,” he hissed, every muscle in his body tensed up in the effort not to punch something—again. He had put a hole through the kitchen drywall after exiting the bathroom. “What’re we gonna do with her, Buck?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky sighed as he tightened the knot up to Steve’s throat. “But now is not the time. We just need to get through this funeral—that’s it.”

“Well if she doesn’t come out soon, we’re going to be late.”

“I’m sure she’d be pleased with that,” Bucky muttered, leaving Steve’s bedroom and approaching the bathroom door. “Honey, time’s up,” he called, knocking gently on the wood. When he tried to open it, it was locked. There was no answer from her.

“Tony’s on his way,” Steve said, coming out of his bedroom, tapping on his phone. “She ready?”

“She locked herself in.”

Steve’s phone might have cracked from the force he gripped it at that news, face flushing again with anger. With how many mood swings he was having in that morning alone, Bucky wondered if he should be worried for Steve’s blood pressure. Steve stormed up to the bathroom door and practically pressed himself flat against it. “Y/N!” he shouted, pounding his fist on the door, the wood rattling against the doorframe. “Open up this door, now! You’re in big fucking trouble!”

Still no response.

Big fucking Trouble—with a capital T.

A stifling panic began to creep over Bucky, a fleeting concern that maybe she had done something—something thoughtless, although she had never had a propensity for self-harm, these were dire times and God knows what was going through her mind—

Steve was yelling again—had never really stopped. “Answer me or I’m gonna break this fucking door down and—”

“Leave me alone!” came her despaired cry. “Go to the funeral without me, I’m not going!”

Relief flooded through Bucky’s mind, thankful at least that the worst-case scenario hadn’t happened.

“You little bitch, you are not going to ruin this today!” Just as Steve reared back to burst through the door, Bucky placed a calming hand on his back. “Steve, let’s just wait for Tony. Maybe he can talk some sense into her.”

“He can try…” Steve grumbled, turning around and storming into the kitchen. “I need a drink…”

“Yeah you do,” Bucky said under his breath. Steve didn’t hear. Bucky felt like he needed a drink, too.

It was only 8:30 a.m.

About ten minutes passed before the buzzer rang, and Bucky let Tony up promptly.

Tony let himself into the house. “How’s she doing?” he asked in a hushed voice. Then he registered the sound of water from the bathroom. “Wait—is she in the shower? She’s not ready yet?” Steve handed Tony a glass of scotch and poured himself another glass. Tony glanced between the glass, Steve’s expression (which could only be described as royally pissed off), and the bathroom door. “What the fuck is going on?”

“She’s being uncooperative,” Bucky said.

Steve snorted. “Uncooperative is putting it lightly. She’s a downright nightmare.”

“She’s being a little combative, using some vulgar language—”

“A little?” Steve rolled his eyes.  “Listen, she’s refusing to go to the damn funeral, and she locked herself in the bathroom.”

“Oh boy.” Tony sighed, drained his scotch, and rubbed a hand down his face. Then he moved towards the bathroom door, muttering to himself. “It’s only eight in the morning and I already have to deal with this shit. Should’ve known Obadiah Stane’s funeral couldn’t go smoothly. He always manages to fuck something up, even in the afterlife.”

Then he knocked gently on the door. “Hey kid, it’s Tony.”

“Go away!” The girl inside shouted, and something thumped against the door, like she had thrown something against it. Bucky thought it sounded like a shampoo bottle.

“Jesus,” Tony muttered, glaring at the other men in the room. “You really worked her up, didn’t you?”

Steve pointed his finger accusingly at the door. “She’s a fucking brat. You try to control her and see if it turns out any better.”

Tony rolled his eyes, then knocked again, harder. “Listen, you’re gonna turn the water off and put on some clothes and then we’re going to have a nice long chat about your behavior. If you don’t come out in the next two minutes, I’m busting this door down and I know you don’t want me to see you naked. So hustle.”

Much to the surprise of all the men in the room, the running water ceased, and a few minutes later, she came out, hair wrapped in a towel and body wrapped in Bucky’s flannel robe. It was way too big for her, the hem dropping to the floor, the sleeves encompassing her hands. Bucky would’ve thought she looked cute if she didn’t look like a tea kettle ready to boil over.

“I’m not going to that man’s funeral, and you can’t make me.”

Tony sighed. “Can we skip all the ‘he’s not my father’ bullshit and get straight to the point? There are people from the mob expecting you there to represent your family. This funeral means more than just you, so you’re going to stop being an insolent brat and get ready to go. We’re already going to be late for the wake.”

She laughed, mean and cruel and so unlike the girl they knew. “I’m fresh out of fucks to give about what the mob expects from me. I expected both my parents to be here for me as I’m growing up, but that’s not possible anymore, so.”

“You think you’re the only person in the mob with a tragic backstory? Abusive, absent parents? Parents dying? Read the room, kid.”

She glanced at all three men, anger flowing out of their eyes.

Tony continued. “You have a responsibility to the mob. We’re your family and we always will be—you can’t escape it, so put on your big girl panties and your funeral dress so we can get to the church on time!”

She sneered. “You’re not my family. And I have no responsibility to you.” Then she retreated into Bucky’s bedroom. Tony followed quickly and caught the door as she tried to slam it shut.

“Get out!”

Tony was getting desperate. “What will it take to get you to go to this funeral? I’ll literally give you anything you want.”

Her eyes lit up with something, and Tony knew he was speaking her language. Spoiled and pampered her entire life (with mob money, Tony restrained himself from pointing out), bargaining was the only way to get her to cooperate, especially with such a large-scale tantrum as this.

“I want to go to NYU.”

Well, Steve and Bucky didn’t like that.

“That’s completely out of the question!”

“How the hell are we supposed to protect you if you’re off in Manhattan?”

Her retort was sharp and bitter, “Oh and you’ve been doing such a good job of protecting me now? I’m gonna have a bruise on my face from your fist, Steve, or did you conveniently forget about that once Tony arrived?”

Tony groaned, rubbing his temples, then ushered her into the bedroom. “Can’t fucking think with you children shouting at each other!” He forcefully pushed her on the bed and she bounced a little as he began to pace around the room. “So they’ve been hitting you? That’s why you want to go to NYU?”

She swallowed down her nerves and glared at him. “I have a scholarship, Tony—I’m not just going to throw it away!”

Tony shook his head. “Your father was never going to let you go. He was going to marry you off to someone in another gang.”

She smiled, bitter. “I’m not surprised. But now he’s out of the picture. I’m 18, Tony, I can do whatever I want.” When Tony didn’t answer, she frowned. “Unless you were planning on doing that exact same thing?”

He shook his head. “Not to just anyone. You already seem to get along with Steve and Bucky. What about one of them?”

She shook her head, vehemence leaving her tone and desperation taking its place. “No, Tony, please don’t make me marry them! I couldn’t live with that!”

“That’s a little dramatic. You know, a few slaps and punches are less than what a lot of mob wives get. Your own mother included.”

“It’s not just that!” She exclaimed before she could think better if it and shut her mouth.

Tony waited for her to elaborate. “What else could it possibly be?”

She shook her head, then laughed. “I know they helped kill him. My father. I can’t marry the men who did that.”

Tony sighed and sat next to her on the bed. “You know, they technically didn’t kill him. They were just the lookout—“

“Oh, don’t try to rationalize it, Tony! They participated in the murder of my father—“

“Oh, so he’s your father now? What happened to all that crap about your biological father?”

Fed up, she jumped up from the bed and faced him, yelling out, “I refuse to live with murderers, Tony! That’s where I draw the line!”

Then it was quiet, and they both knew that Steve and Bucky likely heard her outburst.

Tony finally broke the silence. “NYU? Really?”

“Yes. I want to go to NYU and live in Manhattan. And if you don’t accept these terms,” she thought for a moment, “I’m going to make such a big scene at the funeral that you’re going to wish I had just stayed home.”

Well. He didn’t really have a choice, now did he?

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem! reader, Part 13.)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like a scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: Inspired by the great Labrinth’s very own song which inspired the name of the whole series - Mount Everest. Check it out!

A/N 2: Also sorry for the delay, I didn't want to rush this chapter or whatever and I didn't have exactly the time to sit down on a coffee with my classmate, whose experience inspired this chapter and then to write it all down. She claims she saw and felt dat shit and I believe her, so no complaints on my head, please.

Warnings: Hallucinogenic drugs usage and slightly surreal smut.

Word count: 2.3 K

Read the rest here, babe:  PART 1  PART 2  PART 3  PART 4  PART 5  PART 6  PART 7  PART 8  PART 9  PART 10  PART 11  PART 12

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Tagging: @charmed-asylum, @jeyramarie, @pantherxrogers, @analia-analia-analia

When you fell in love, you feel like the other person hasn't got a single flaw on them. Sometimes, this feeling slowly fades away and you start to slowly see the flaws and they can't be unseen then.

But when you're lucky, really lucky, you fell in love so deeply, that the person was just made for you. And even after all those months, that feeling of happiness, excitement and love still takes a hold on you every time you see them.

You do the craziest shit together with them and you usually are total couple goals together. Always holding each other in a tight grip, inside jokes that make you laugh as crazy and secrets only the other one knows are sure thing. The longer you're together, the more you know each other and the strong your bond is.

You and Fez were exactly the couple who was all badass, cute and funny to be around with. When you were together on some parties, you always straddled his lap, wore his hoodies and sweaters, drinking from his cup and practically kissing the living soul out of him.

There were millions of photos, boomerangs, and videos of you - sometimes you shot them, sometimes it was Jules or Rue, or Fran when you were hanging out.

Your most favorite one was you in a winter coat with Fezco's beanie as he held you from the back in a hoodie, standing on the cliff and looking into the forest as the sun was setting - that was your wallpaper. Rue's favorite video of you two was when you ordered pizza and he was feeding you, nudging your mouth with the pizza slice, which made you laugh. Jules's personal video was when you and Rue sang dancing queen on of the many parties and then you ran to Fezco’s arms, jumping into his embrace and circles him with your legs and hands, kissing him.

But there were many, many more - the time when Fez fell asleep with his head on your belly on a sunny day, a selfie of you in a swimming pool, late-night selfie and you even made some slightly erotic photos.

One of them was your favorite - your pussy in lacy black panties was straddling his lap clothed in denim jeans with his dick completely hard. You even had one when Fezco was pounding into you and arched your back, having his ass all hard and tensed up and it was covering your pussy completely.

Your relationship was the ultimate couple goal. Nobody ever saw a couple so crazy for each other than you two. Your Instagram feed was full of your couple photos, the pics from your trips and you with Rue and Jules hanging out.

And one time, Fez ultimately surprised you.

You were staying over at his place, he was finishing some business and you were feeding his na, bathing her and reading her some news, even if you knew that she couldn't hear you. Fez came back around nine p.m. with you immediately circled around his waist.

You had your rainbow-striped sweater on, a messy hair bun and you already put your make-up off. You kissed his shoulder wide, snuggled into one of them.

"Been gon' for two hours, ya monkey." - He slowly leaned into your embrace, putting his hands all over yours.

"I know, and I've missed you so fucking much." - You whispered, closing your eyes and turning his face to you. You tiptoed, kissing him hungrily. - "No other businesses today?"

"Only ours today, babe." - Fez leaned forward, putting his hands all over your butt, circling around his arms your waist. - "Got ya a small surprise." - He took you by your hand to his and lead you to his bedroom, which was basically yours as well. You had a lot of your clothes in there, you moved in some of Fezco's favorite undies, bras, and panties for him, some leggings and t-shirts. He sat you on his bed and took something out of his bag.

"There ya go, baby." - Fezco said with a smile, holding an open palm to you. There was a small pill with something painted on it. You circled your fingers around his wrist, taking a seriously deep breath in.

"Fez, I don't know." - You gulped and closed his palm. He sat next to you, kissing your cheek, tugging your earlobe playfully.

"This ain't no shit, would not buy anythin' bad for ma babe. When ya take it, I swear that I will fuck you like never before." - He whispered into your ear.

You somehow accepted that Fezco is making a living out of drug dealing. Because you loved him so much, you somehow accepted that he was most probably the one who made Rue able to OD herself. But you weren't exactly sure about taking the pill.

Fezco wouldn't be mad a bit when you would not accept the pill. But you knew the motto that Rue and Fez use in their life: you need to try everything. And you were seriously curious.

Who would not be curious about drugs? Everyone in the world sometime in their life thought about the states they gave to human body. There were so many of them, so much different states, so much to discover.

It was only one pill. And your man who loved you like no-one else. You trusted him - Fezco knew what material and pills he should buy. When he told you that it's safe - it was safe. Curiousness and love made you blind.

"You are not making me to do it, don't you? It will be good when I'll not do it?" - You asked worriedly. Fezco leaned into your body and kissed you slowly.

"I would fuckin' never." - He smiled, standing up to get the pill back into his backpack. But your hand stopped him.

"Fine. I'll try it. Just once. You swear?" - You asked quietly with a slight frown on your face. Fezco stood up in front of you, smoothing your face. - "Babe you don't have to do dat shit. It was only an idea, baby girl."

"I wanna try it. I only live once, right?" - You smiled, slowly rolling the tongue out of your mouth, hugging his upper thighs with your hands. Fezco slowly put the pill on his tongue, slowly dropping on his knees, taking your face to his palm. While his tongue danced in your mouth, you felt how the pill slipped down your tongue and throat. Slowly, he was climbing on the top of you, putting his hands next to your hips.

Fezco was getting eager, as always when it was getting intense in the bed. When you opened your eyes up, the world was getting blurry and somehow blissful. You saw sparkles everywhere, they looked like little stars. You exhaled out loud and closed your eyes.

You slowly felt as you were falling down, your head spun all over the place. The world stopped around you, you would swear it hadn't moved for a several second straight. Your heartbeat was almost insanely loud, destroying your ears slowly and the blood in you body stopped. Your breathing and moaning was resonating through the space of the bedroom.

Your back reached the bed, but your body was falling deeper and deeper to the unknown. The blue of Fezco's eyes was lighting the darkness around your, they were bluer than the ocean, wilder than the fire. For a moment, there were three Fezcos, the next moment he was blue, wildly violet and red, sparkled in glitter.

Then you felt how he touched you gently, he was burning hot. You watched that place and your mouth was opened widely. You saw his hands slowly traveling your body and while you watched the stars on the ceiling, you found yourself and even him completely naked. Your body was trembling and the sounds coming from you were wild and animalistic. Fez knew that those were the sounds he wouldn't forget.

You basically screamed so loud it had to be heard a mile away.

You were clueless when he disappeared, but you just laid there completely tuned down with your hands tangled in your hair as you watched the universe uncovering in front of your eyes. Then you felt how he pushed your thighs to the mattress and buried his tongue within your clit. Your body felt melting plastic as you hugged his head as always.

You felt how your body was dripping into the bed as was from a candle, you tried to breathe normally, but your mouth was capable of moaning exclusively while he worked down there. The sheets on the blanket felt so slick that you were slipping on it. For a moment, you leaned your head backward and closed your eyes.

When you opened them up again, you would swear that you could see a whole fucking universe there just expanding and rotating around your own head. You smiled at the view - and a scream came out of your lips as you came. Fireworks started to happen in your view as you shook and called his name out, all sweaty and rolling your eyes backward. It felt like a big lie, yet it was so real in your head.

Before you could move or say anything to him, you were kneeling on all fours on the bed with your ass up as he slowly entered you from the back. You couldn't watch the euphoric utopian views at the moment, but the feelings inside of you were just as strong and beautiful. You loved every moment of it.

His dick felt normally really good, but this time, you felt as every other thrust slowly cracks you up and how is it destroying your whole body while your pussy never felt a dick so good. You also were hornier and wetter than usual, so without you even realizing, you were praising him up like a little boy and screaming at him to go faster and rougher at you.

Even if his granny was with her senses and could waken up, you would scream the same. You felt like a little child who tried the taste of sugar for the first time ever - there was nothing better than that. The sugar was like his dick; there could never be anything better than that. 

You didn't even have a clue how many times you came that night, the orgasm was just swelling your body, again and again, so you basically never stopped shaking and tensing your muscles. 

Suddenly, it made sense to you - why people took drugs to feel so fucking good. Rue did that. Fezco was doing that, even when he claimed that he’s doing that a lot less since he had you by your side. Jules did that. The adults took pills and medicine to feel at least ok. The popular girls were doing that. Everyone was.

They were taking drugs for that small moment, when the world just stop, your consciousness is nowhere to be found, your breath and heartbeat stops. There is a moment when your own body feels like its dead. 

And you're laying there on your knees while your boyfriend is giving you the best sex of your whole life, looking inside of you like an empty doll; a doll without expression, its own mind or opinions and with a pale face. 

But then your life turned back on again. You are thrown back to reality as a piece of filth, as your heartbeat jumps back again and as you took a fucking deep breath. You're alive suddenly again and nothing is more disappointing. They are doing it for that little moment when you feel like a part of the galaxy. 

“How ya feelin’?” - A voice that resonated through the bedroom whispered to your ear and you turned your head a bit to look at him. You would swear that there’s some green light illuminating him and that someone’s projecting a Chinese dragon onto his naked chest. You had no clue that he’s actually naked as well. 

But you just lazily smiled at him. You had the same face Rue usually had when she found that small spot in the darkness again. Just by the looks of your face, he could tell that you took something. You couldn’t hold your gaze at him, your body was like jello - if his hands weren't holding your ass up, you would just fall down and lay there. 

Your eyes scared him a bit. They were lifeless, empty - like his little baby girl wasn't even there. He heard about it - it was a syndrome when the windows were shining, but nobody wasn't home. His granny had the same syndrome as you had.

“Good.” - You answered slowly and started to giggle and that was the moment Fezco knew you had enough - enough of his dick or drugs for that matter. He slowly laid you down onto the bed, but you just weren't in your own head at the moment. You maybe was wet like a bitch and came about four times during your session, but your empty eyes were just glaring at the ceiling. 

Fezco had a smile on - you probably won’t even remember any of that in the morning, just the euphoria you felt and how slow and your heartbeat was. But he loved you like no one before and every time he took another look at you, he was more and more sure of it. 

And if he could show you a euphoria like that, why wouldn't he?

That was why everyone was doing it. 

Because of those euphoric fucking feelings in their own head.

[chilling-seavey]

Anything But Mine (d.s.) - Chapter Six

A/N in celebration of my one year as a Limelight, here’s another chapter :) (and yes I edited this picture to make him brunette again lol)

Friday, September 13th, 2019

The next week was keeping Florence busy. Grayson was preoccupied with work, and Daniel and their friends were trying to keep up with their increasing course load. Clementine had a doctor’s appointment early in the week, which she passed her check up with flying colours. Nights were getting restless for the eight month old, however, as she was quick realizing someone was never around anymore. Matt was rarely home during the day but he always had a bit of time in the mornings to sit with the baby while watching the news. The only thing that would put Clementine to sleep was his black flannel tucked into bed next to her. Every night, after Clementine was gone to bed, Florence sat alone on the balcony overlooking the city with a cup of tea and her thoughts. She often thought about what her life would have been if she stayed in LA with her family. She would be financially stable and have her brother with her - if her parents would have even kept her around after finding out about the pregnancy. There was no other option for Florence.

Friday night came around and Grayson had invited Florence over for dinner with him and Ethan. This meant she needed a babysitter for Clementine. That’s where Michael and Like came in again. Michael and Luke Clifford had been there for her (and her brother) since they first moved to Toronto and were extra supportive when Florence moved back alone, letting her stay at their house until the baby was born and she was on her feet. The men loved Clementine; never complaining about having to take care of her because after raising two boys it was nice to have a bit of a break with a little girl.

Once Grayson texted her that he had arrived, Florence had been dressed and ready for almost 45 minutes; Clementine long gone to the Clifford’s at that point.

Grayson, as usual, was stood against his car when she got to the parking garage. She had to control herself to not literally run to him. Even still, she threw her arms around his shoulders and kissed him. His pink and white striped T-shirt was soft to her touch and the quirky colours made her smile more.

“Hi.” he chuckled, opening the car door for her again.

Grayson and Ethan’s house was out of the downtown core. It was farther west of where the DiCaprio’s lived but just as north. Real estate in Toronto was not cheap and Florence was impressed by the just the fact that two nineteen-year-old’s could afford a single house there. When Grayson turned onto the private street, Florence was even more in awe by the tree lined driveway and the large, single story black painted house and matching car park. A white Jeep with black and red accents as well as a teal old style Bronco and two motorcycles sat under the car park. The sun was setting behind it, golden light spreading over the roof of the house and the paved entryway. Florence was raised in a more luxurious lifestyle than what she was looking at, but growing up on her own meant she had an appreciation for how hard money was to come by.

The double doors let into a small foyer, a hallway to the left and the living room through an open space off to the right. The natural wood tones made the place warm and comforting and had a sense of luxury to it that was far different from the DiCaprio’s.

“E!” Grayson shouted across the house. Florence startled a little bit but played it off.

Ethan came out from the hallway, dressed in a black t-shirt with a white graphic printed on it and white pants. The white designer sneakers were expected.

“It’s you again!” Ethan smiled at Florence, going right in for a hug.

Taken by surprise, Florence hesitantly hugged him back, “Nice to see you again.” she laughed.

Although identical, Ethan’s warm embrace didn’t come close to what she felt like in Grayson’s arms. She wondered how much they told each other. Did Ethan know about how she kissed his brother the same day they met? Did he know about the stories she shared? Did he know that she invited Grayson home on their first date? She told Callum everything so there was no doubt Grayson and Ethan were the same.

Embarrassment bubbling inside her at the idea of it, Florence tried to push it away, following the twins to the living room. The open ceilings revealed the peaked roof and a stone fireplace reached to the top. Two grey couches lined the room with a modern coffee table and area rug in the centre. A record player sat on an antique stereo table in the back corner. The floor to ceiling sliding glass doors at the far end of the room opened onto a tree lined backyard and glistening swimming pool that was a few steps down from a large stone porch. Florence couldn’t help but smile. She felt more at home than she had in almost a year.

The three sat around the living room, Grayson pulling her close next to him. The simple action made Florence eye Ethan shyly, not being used to such displays of affection in front of others. The older twin didn’t think much of it as he asked Florence about Clementine. Florence’s favourite topic of discussion.

Their conversations were filled with laughter and smiles, Florence feeling as light as air with the twins. Usually, in her childhood, conversations were held over glasses of wine and brandy but Florence learned that neither boy had ever had a sip of alcohol in their lives. Thinking back to her father’s short temper under a few drinks, Florence was relaxed by that fact.

It wasn’t long before they started discussing what to eat for dinner. Ethan coming in determined with a, “I was feeling pizza.”

“Sounds good to me.” Florence nodded, looking to Grayson who sat on her left.

“Sure. I can order it.” he agreed.

“Dairy free cheese though.” Ethan pipped up.

“Yes, I know.” Grayson rolled his eyes as he took out his phone to order it.

“Dairy free?” Florence crinkled her nose in Ethan’ direction.

“Yeah I’ve been dairy free for a year. It just doesn’t sit well with my skin or my stomach-“

“Yeah.” Grayson cut him off lightheartedly. “So I have to suffer too.”

“Hey!” Ethan frowned. “I have to suffer with anchovy pizza half the time so you can shut up.”

“Ew. I’d take dairy free pizza over anchovies any day.” Florence shuttered. “I just don’t understand how someone can eat them when they still look like fishies.”

“Fishies!” Ethan laughed.

Grayson chuckled, pulling the blushing girl into his side, kissing the top of her head. It only made the pink on her cheeks turn to red.

When the pizza finally arrived, they moved to the kitchen. Florence felt so comfortable with the two, feeling like she had known them for years already. Dinner finished quickly, the three of them working on the dishes together. Grayson and Ethan ended up chasing each other with wet dishcloths, seeing who could leave the biggest bruise on the other. The evening came to an end, Florence and Grayson finding themselves in his bed, watching a movie on his projector screen. He explained that he and Ethan remolded each other’s rooms and the projector was his brother’s touch. It was ultimately impressive. The movie ended but neither reached to turn it off, letting the credits roll down the wall across from the bed. Grayson had his arms around her, the white sheets tucked up to their waists.

“What’s your goal in life?” Florence whispered through the dimly lit room.

“We’re getting to the deep questions now, huh?” Grayson smirked. “Well...I want to keep working with Ethan in film and media. Maybe produce a couple movies? I want to have a family eventually. Kids for sure. Nice house but not too big. Who needs a big house anyway? Takes money away from traveling.”

Florence smiled up at him, “I love traveling.”

“Have you been to Europe?”

“Italy, England, and France. Father’s work trips.”

“Italy is my favourite.” Grayson admitted. “But I’ve always wanted to go to Norway.”

“Scandinavia looks beautiful.” Florence sighed.

They let the silence rise, their minds set across the ocean.

“Probably will never go, though.” Florence shrugged.

“Whys that?” Grayson asked.

“I would need to start saving right away and I have no job.” Florence laughed lightly like it was obvious.

“Do you want a job?”

“I mean, yeah. But I have no university degree so I won’t get far. Not Norway far.”

“I could get you something at CTV? Nothing big, probably a paid internship but it’s something?”

Florence sat up when she heard this, turning to him in shock, “You can do that for me?”

“Sure I can.” Grayson smiled gently, pressed his palm to her cheek. She leaned into him habitually. “Just to get you started.”

“That would mean so much. Thank you.” Florence whispered.

“You’re welcome.” Grayson chuckled, pulling her in to kiss her softly. “I’ll keep you posted on that.”

Florence nodded, a wide smile taking up her face.

“You have a beautiful smile.” Grayson whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear. The girl looked to her lap, not quite sure how to respond. Her fingers danced over his forearms, soaking in each beautifully chiseled curve of his skin. The trail came to an end where his neck met his jaw, light stubble reaching the surface under the soft touch of her fingertips. His dark hazel eyes watched her carefully, a beautiful honey as sweet and enticing as he was. Grayson watched her silently as her wide eyes soaked in his features, his hands holding her loosely by her waist. She forced herself not to get attached; they had only known each other barely a few weeks. But when his lips were on hers again, every thought in her mind melted away.

Grayson was gentle with her; incredibly gentle to the point that he held her like she was made of glass. He laid her back against the fluffy white bedsheets and down filled pillows, her heartbeat loud in her ears. Long minutes passed before his hand fell between their bodies. Florence grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

Breaking their kiss, she spoke, “You don’t want to do that.”

Grayson leaned back from her, “Why not?”

“I had a baby eight months ago...it is not the same down there. Matt’s told me plenty of times.” she laughed humourlessly. “Believe me, you don’t want to see it.”

“Well, no offence, but I couldn’t give two shits about what that jerk thinks.” Grayson’s kind yet obvious bluntness stunned her. “You know what I think?”

“What?” Florence ask timidly.

“I think that you grew a human in here and brought a new life into this world all on your own. That’s pretty damn incredible. Your body did that, you know? And there’s nothing that is more beautiful than that. Absolutely nothing.”

Florence didn’t know what to say except to kiss him. He knew just how to make her feel more loved than she had in her entire life.

~~

Saturday, September 14th

It was a morning like in the fairy tales; and Florence guessed that if it was possible, birds would be flit fluttering and singing beautiful music outside the large paned window. The sound was definitely not beautiful birds, however, as she awoke to a sharp buzzing. Blinking her eyes open to take in her surroundings, she merely smiled at the sight of Grayson asleep beside her. He, too, shifted at the noise, starting to wake, so Florence hurried to grab her phone from the night table. Daniel’s name flashed across the screen.

“Hey.” she answered quickly, her voice rough.

“Where are you?” Daniel’s normally gentle tone was filled with an edge and it took Florence back with surprise.

“What’s wrong?” she asked quickly, her mind instantly going to Clementine.

“Nothings wrong unless you count me sitting here in this restaurant alone like an idiot waiting for you to show up.” Daniel grumbled.

Florence pulled her phone from her ear to look at the time. 10:48 meant she was way too late to their brunch date.

“Shit, Dani, I’m so sorry.” Florence sighed, rubbing a hand over her face.

“Where are you?” Daniel asked again. “I’ve been texting and calling for 45 minutes!”

“At Grayson’s.”

The silence from the other side of the line made her stomach turn.

“So I’ll just go home then.” Daniel finally spoke, his voice suddenly quiet.

“No!” Florence sat up. “No, I’m sorry. Don’t go home. I’ll be there. 15 minutes. Please.”

“Fine.” Daniel mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Dani.” Florence sighed, closing her eyes.

“Yeah.”

The line went dead without so much as a goodbye. Florence slowly lowered her phone and started at it for a few long seconds.

“Everything okay?” Grayson asked from beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist that was covered by the blankets.

“I’m a terrible friend, is all.” Florence groaned. “Totally just stood up Daniel.”

A low chuckle fell from Grayson’s lips, “That’s rough. Are you going to go still?”

“Yeah. If he’s going to wait for me. Do you want to come?” Florence laid back down, pushing her fingers through his dark hair.

“I would love to.” Grayson smiled, pulling her close to kiss her.

“No more of this!” Florence giggled, pushing him away, before leaning down over the side of the bed to grab her clothes. “We have to go!”

Grayson drove them through the city, as fast as he could legally go. Ethan was still asleep by the time they left which Florence was silently grateful for; she liked Ethan but she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to be at the end of brotherly teasing after staying over. Florence kept checking her phone in the passenger seat, finding no texts from Daniel their entire way there. The small cafe was just on the way into downtown, a little place near the boys’ house. Grayson parked on the street and paid the meter before they headed inside. Daniel was sat at the corner table, his green Adidas jacket zipped up to his neck and he stared down at his mug of coffee, stirring a spoon around haphazardly. Florence couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her best friend and she pulled Grayson by the hand towards him.

“Dani!” Florence called.

The boy looked up at her and what was supposed to be a smile faded into almost a straight line at the sight of the two in front of him.

“This is Grayson.” Florence introduced happily.

“Nice to meet you finally.” Grayson smiled a warm grin and held out his hand across the table. Daniel hesitated before letting the silver spoon clink against the saucer and he shook his hand.

“You too.” Daniel mumbled. Grayson and Florence sat across from him and picked up their menus. Daniel watched them silently, going back to stirring his now cold coffee. The waitress came by and took their orders and poured them coffee before leaving again. Daniel didn’t take notice, instead, his eyes fell to the collar of Florence’s t-shirt, noticing the small pink bruise that was peaking out the top. There was a matching one under her jawline which she probably hadn’t noticed in her rush to leave that morning. Daniel noticed, though. He noticed Grayson’s hand on her thigh and how he leaned in close to whisper things into her ear that made her giggle. Daniel kept stirring. The clink of the silver against the porcelain cup was consistent and comforting.

“Dani.” Florence called. When he didn’t respond she frowned for a moment but tried again. “Dan.”

She finally resorted to reaching over the table and taking the spoon out of his hand.

“I think your coffee is plenty mixed, dear.”

Snapping back to reality, Daniel met her concerned gaze.

“What’s up with you?” Florence frowned.

“Sorry. I’m just tired.” Daniel waved his hand to brush it off, slouching back against the bench.

“Been working hard?” Florence asked.

“Yeah.” Daniel nodded.

“What are you in school for?” Grayson asked.

“Music Production.” Daniel replied.

“Oh! That’s cool. I’m doing video production at CTV right now.” Grayson smiled.

“Oh my gosh, imagine if you could work together in the future!” Florence laughed.

“We might have a place for you.” Grayson sent a small grin to the boy across the table.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Daniel answered dryly. His response made Florence frown and look to Grayson who shrugged lightly.

“Dani, I’m really sorry for being late.” Florence whispered, leaning in closer. “I don’t know why you’re being so upset with me this morning.”

“I’ve been waiting here for an hour.” Daniel snapped.

Florence sat back with wide eyes at his out-of-character outburst.

“I woke up early to meet you and you completely stand me up and I’m left to eat alone.”

“I said I’m sorry. Time got away from me.” Florence frowned.

“I can tell.” Daniel eyed the hickeys on her neck.

“Daniel!” Florence whispered sharply.

He placed his napkin strongly back on the table and started to slide out from the bench. He then turned to Grayson, “It was nice to meet you. You seem like a really great guy and normally I’m not such an asshole so I’m sorry for that. But I’m late for rehearsal.”

“Daniel!” Florence gaped, watching as he stood up from the table and started for the door. “Daniel Seavey!” she called again. The door of the cafe closed behind him with a jingle from the bell above. Silence filled the space between Grayson and Florence who were now sitting alone.

 ~~

Once breakfast was finished, Grayson dropped Florence back off at home. They took their time saying goodbye but eventually Florence went up to her empty apartment. She called Daniel right away, being sent to voicemail after the second ring.

“Hey. I’m still sorry, you know.” she spoke into the phone. “Call me please. I love you.”

He didn’t return her call. 

[szopenhauer]

Does the number 18 have any significance to you? no

Did you kiss, hug, or hold hands with anyone today? hug my mom

Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? yes

How far away are you from the person you like? over 230 km

Ever had sex under water? no way

Is it easy to annoy you? very

Can you name every single person you have kissed? I can

The last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? sure

What if your girlfriend/boyfriend was flirting with another girl/boy? that’s cheating and I’m not ok with this 

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a J or a C? neither

Do you prefer the beach or the mountains? beach, I hate mountains

How do you usually feel when you wake up on a morning? bad

Would you rather take someone on a date, or be taken on a date? just go together on a date omg...

When was the last time you wore high heeled shoes? my sister’s wedding

Vodka or wine? none, gross

Do you wear socks to bed? when it’s a very cold winter

Where were you when you got your first period? visiting my (now ex) friend, I think we were also swimming that day but I didn’t get period in the water luckily

Can you change a car tire? I’ve never tried so doubt it

Do you sleep naked? nope

Cigarettes or alcohol? cigarettes do less harm to people around but both are still bad

Exercise or healthy eating? healthy eating

Favorite and least favorite accents? British is cool, not sure

Do you like 1980s fashion? some of it :D

What color is your favorite hoodie? grey/green Do you have a string of lights in your room? purple bats that I got in Pepco during Halloween season Do you know what you are going to do today? I’m taking care of my niece Does your heart hurt? not atm

Can you see the moon out your window right now? it’s too early for that

What makes you feel inspired? everything can at least in theory Can you see the sunrise from your window? from our kitchen  If you were a writer, would you have a pen name or use your real name? I already published book under my real name  What is your friend’s cat’s name? my gf’s cat’s name is Kot which means Cat in polish Do you celebrate your pet’s birthdays? not really As a kid, did you celebrate your dolls’ birthdays?  doubt it Are you wearing a hoodie right now? it’s hot so I’m wearing a T-shirt  Did you ignore the last facebook post that bothered you, or did you comment? hidden it Do you need to go to the pharmacy today? not this day If you were a famous singer, what would you want your hit song to be about? something personal that other people relate to

If you had to re-design an alien, instead of making them green with slanty-eyes and an egg-shaped head, what would you make it look like? I would make many different species but some would look exactly like humans

Would you want your first child to be a boy or a girl? I don’t want to have kids but if I had one then only a girl If you were to write an article for a magazine, what would it be about? interior design for example Do you think you are good at writing poetry? not the worst Have you ever had a teacher who looked like an alien? I had a teacher that looked exactly like Sid from Ice age  If you could do research right now for an essay, what topic would you choose to write about? hmm... What are your strongest attributes? I don’t feel I have any?... Have you ever started writing a suicide letter? if you have still something to say that isn’t part of your last will then you’re probably not ready to die yet so whenever I wanted/tried to kill myself I didn’t leave any suicide letter behind Do you write letters to friends? had two pen pals - Justyna and Dorota  Do you like to write letters? prefer to send trinkets Do you own a piece of jewelry with an owl on it? ring in a shape of an owl  Does looking at the starry sky make you feel peaceful? meh Are you under 30? 2 years left... Do you paint rocks and hide them in your town? nobody would care but that’s a cute idea and who knows what I’ll do with it ;) Do you like parodies? rarely Are you a Taylor Swift fan? I don’t care  Have you ever kissed a picture? I don’t recall Do you decorate for fall? tiny bit Has suicide crossed your mind a lot lately? this year - constantly Do you have supernatural abilities? couple of my night dreams came true and I happen to guess answers to some questions without knowledge but using my intuition Do you get enough hugs? I don’t need lots, I get plenty Have you asked yourself recently, Why am I here? 24/7 What family member did you get your hair color from? my mom If you designed a house, would you give it a secret room? I don’t think so Do you read horror stories? I do not Does stretching feel good? occasionally Do you have your wedding planned in your head already? mhm ^^” Would you ever adopt a child? if I ever had a child then only adopted one

Would you be mad if your mom showed your gf your baby pictures? I showed my gf my baby pics myself

Do you completely trust the person you’re dating? not completely but she’s one of few I trust the most

Has someone ever called you heartless before?  surely

Have you ever completely given up on someone any time in life? more than one person

Would you rather give someone presents or receive them? give 

How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? it’s not about the amount 

Do you hate it when people pronounce ‘potatoes’ as ‘taters?’ I don’t like it 

When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? like 1, as a kid I watched plenty

Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? what does friendly even mean?...

Have you ever / do you ever recycle? we recycle at home

Who is the nosiest person you know?  my mom 

When did you last talk to one of your teachers? last time I had a teacher 

Would you say you’re a faster or slow learner? *shrug*

Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? didn’t watch it

What’s your favorite oldest film? Buster Keaton ones Have you ever been in a relationship with someone 10+ years older? noooo

Do you think it’s weird to cut pizza with scissors? we were cutting apples with scissors in school so... Aliens or unicorns? aliens

How do you usually do your hair? I leave them be  What is something you’re procrastinating? everything

Do you play any games on your phone? Choices

have you ever liked two brothers? have two brothers ever liked you at the same time? no and no, same when it comes to sisters

when was the last time your town was sunny? how about rainy? it’s sunny now, it was rainy day ago when was the last time your internet was down? this morning how often do you shave your legs in the winter? I don’t bother  have you seen the movie 17 again (the zac efron one)? it was lil creepy

has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever had braces?: she had braces when we first dated 

have you ever drawn a portrait of somebody? who?: family members and people on tumblr, OCs if they count 

how many years apart are you and your boyfriend/girlfriend?: months

have you kissed more than two people of the same sex?: not even two

when are you getting a new phone?: when this one’s dead

what did you wear today?: I changed into my red leggings with white polka dot pattern to go for a walk 

[judeiscariot]

Doin’ another one of these cause I’m bored

color: lavender/royal blue/sunflower yellow color to wear: All blues, lots of darks, occasionally brights like yellow or red eye color: Brown

natural hair color: A little less than dark brown

number: 8 domestic animal: cats wild animal: Bengal tiger sea animal: sharks are pretty cool

forest animal: I fuckin love deers

snack food: cheese and crackers/cereal fruit: strawberries/mango

vegetable: potatoes, cucumbers, asparagus meat: chicken I guess, I don’t like meat that much nut: pecans

ice cream: cookies n cream of salted caramel. cake flavor: just plain yellow cake candy: lindt chocolates or sour patch kids chip flavor: original lays or salt and vinegar soup: miso or pretty much any kind of thin asian soup salad dressing: balsamic vinaigrette or caesar soda: fanta or sprite alcoholic beverage: too young to drink  type of coffee: mocha or cappuccino  juice: orange

pizza toppings: just plain cheese international cuisine: pretty much any type of asian or Italian 

movie: Sing Street, Deapool, Bohemian Rhapsody actors: Rami Malik, Ferdia Walsh-Peelo, Ryan Reynolds (but only because he was in Deadpool) actresses: idk director: I don’t really pay attention to the directors of movies I watch honestly horror movie: The Shining action movie: Any marvel movie

romance movie: I don’t watch that many romance movies  black and white movie: same ^

musical: les miserables or dear Evan Hanson tv show: The Good Place talk show: don't really watch those either band: Queen

female vocalist:  honestly I don't know male vocalist: Freddie Mercury, Michael Jackson, Tyler Joseph, Patrick Stump song: too many. i have an entire playlist of favourite songs. music video: Queen’s I Want to Break Free or Crazy Little Thing Called Love album: too many. concert you’ve been to: I’ve only been to two but I fucking love concerts (Beck and David Byrne) but I know I’m going to at least three in 2019 so :) music genre: Alternative painting: The Kiss by Gustav Klint artist: I love af Klint sculpture: The Thinker and also every greek god sculpture ever

art style: legit all of them book: oh way too many to choose

author: same ^ book series: I love the Young Elites genre of literature: Historical fiction lately magazine: Life/Time biography/autobiography: Mercury and Me by Jim Hutton

t-shirt you own: Boston Red Sox shirt. so comfortable. love it. clothing style: Either super causal or Freddie mercurynlike flamboyant depending on my mood. There’s honestly no in between. type of bottoms: Jeans or leggings type of bathing suit: Swim trunks and swim shirt ‘cause I’m dysphoric and self-conscious shoes: sneakers. clothing brand: none in particular. clothing store: the internet grocery store: any. convenience store: I don’t know

restaurant: i have many faves, depends what i feel like. bar: I'm too young for that shit fast food place: I don't really eat fast food donut shop: krispy kreme. breakfast food: pancakes girl’s name: Bandit, Luna  or Maeve. boy’s name: Tyler, Roger, Clancy, Patrick family member: Definitely my dad friend: @satans-favorite-gremlin, @hocksquawks, @storksaregay and @sinkingmonkey poem: The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe poet: I like a lot of poets nail color: I don’t paint my nails that much but when I do usually some sort of blue or light pink makeup brand: don’t really wear it makeup: eyeliner if I had to choose comedian: John Mulaney 100% celebrity: I like a lot of celebrities don’t make me choose

superhero: Freddie fuckin Mercury superhero movie: Thor Ragnarok comic book/graphic novel: I don’t really read them but I kinda wish I did supervillain: The Joker perfume: Don’t wear it candle scent: anything citrus smell: Citrus nature smell: Pine  flower: Roses or hyacinths (hyacinths are pretty but I most like them for the greek mythology aspect) tree: Birch piece of jewelry: Ring color of jewelry: Emerald green politician: don’t make me please political party: Center, leaning towards left hairstyle: short kinda boyish with the sides buzzed summer activity: eating ice-cream outside

winter activity: drinking tea and watching a shit ton of movies fall activity:FUCKIN HALLOWEEN and also over-sized sweaters

spring activity: staying inside and not getting horrible allergies  conversation topic: So many I like piercing or tattoo you have: I only have my ears pierced but I would like some type of nose piercing and probably a ton of tattoos when I’m older joke: Jimmy Fallon’s shitty dad jokes insect/bug/arachnid: Bees please!! season: autumn. month: November youtuber: I like a lot of youtubers movie franchise: hmm. idk actually! kid’s cartoon: For some reason I find Teen Titans Go very entertaining (Maybe its for nostalgic purposes because I used to watch that a lot when I was younger) adult cartoon: the simpsons. disney movie: Alice in Wonderland disney princess: Mulan.

car: Tesla or Jeep Wrangler color for cars: White I guess party game: Uno and pretty much any board games computer game: the sims series. instrument: Piano, Ukulele, Guitar, Drums, and also I love violin but I don't play it planet: Viva La Pluto

[wydallen]

jack does a task! // 001.

— && GENERAL INFORMATION

Full name: jackson grant allen. ( did i name him after my two favorite superheros aka barry allen and steve rogers? maybe. )

Nickname(s) or alias: jack, jay, allen, anything tbh.

Current age: idk about you but he’s feelin’ 22.

Astrological sign: pisces.

Gender: cis male.

Preferred pronouns: he/him/his.

Sexual preference: lowkey closeted bisexual. only his close friends and family know.

Language(s) spoken: english, some german from high school.

— && PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Height: 6′2.

Weight: 180 lbs.

Shoe size: 11.

Glasses? Contacts?: contacts but he prefers to wear glasses.

Tattoos: a few.

Piercings: his ears from when he was younger.

Birthmarks/scars/distinguishing marks: scar on his cheek.

Dominant hand: right.

If painted, what color are their nails/toenails?: n/a.

Usual style of clothing: pair of jeans, t shirt, and vans. here’s a pinterest board of the style he wears.

Frequently worn jewelry: some rings and a necklace.

Describe their voice, what accent?: he has an american accent. he doesn’t really think he has a midwest accent. his voice isn’t the deepest but it’s a nice tone.

What is their speaking style (fast, monotone, loquacious)? fast, usually. he talks a lot and if you don’t stop him, he’ll go a long time.

Describe their posture: he should probably go to yoga classes because he hunches his back a lot.

— && LEGAL INFORMATION

Any speeding tickets?: no, he’s a good boy.

Have they ever been arrested?: no.

Do they have a criminal record?: no. 

Have they committed any violent crimes?: no.

Do they have a passport? If so, where have they been?: he does! he’s only ever really been to los angeles. he’d love to go to new york or london or paris sometime.

— && PERSONALITY

Direct quote from them: “if meghan trainor ever threatens to release new music i have to go into hiding.”

Likes: books, chocolate, cuddling, card games, homemade meals, buzzfeed quizzes, dancing, a nice pair of jeans, a clean shaven face, working with his hands, hats, burritos, laughing, late nights, ice hockey, taking the train, swimming, people watching, bonfires, the great outdoors, true crime novels, “chick” flicks ( he won’t own up to it though ), camping, dogs, cats, animals in general, working out, getting tattooed, the smell of clean laundry, long showers, playing the piano, taking instagram pictures, alternative music, freshly baked bread, apple juice, french fries, snow, star gazing, listening to music on vinyl, stickers, cuddling while listening to the rain, the holiday season, barbecue, netflix binge sessions.

Dislikes: thunderstorms, sleeping alone, driving in big cities, carrots, mosquitoes, bees, boring movies, diet sodas, wasting food, “adulting” ( taxes, seeing lawyers, etc. ), thieves, pineapple on pizza, early mornings, when people take up two parking spots at once, spiders, people who are rude to service staff, political discussions, peanut butter, people who don’t use their turn signals, cold showers, humidity, toxic masculinity, small spaces, feeling defeated, being alone, liars, those aspca commercials, being questioned, loud noises ( mostly from thunder or fireworks ), overpowering fragrances, most fast food restaurants ( minus mcdonalds ofc ), out of tune instruments, his car breaking down, youtube ads, being barefoot, tea, awkward situations, feeling bored, any sense of responsibility.

Insecurities: i don’t know if he has any insecurities but he really doesn’t like his eyes. he hates that no one ever glorifies having brown eyes and sometimes wears contacts to make his eyes blue or green.

Fears/phobias: being in a hospital, elevators, being alone for the rest of his life, death, dying in a natural disaster, injuring his face, losing one of his family members.

Habits: chewing gum when he’s nervous, messing with his hair, rubbing the back of his neck.

Hobbies: gardening, playing the guitar, eating junk food.

Guilty pleasure: rom-coms from the hallmark channel.

Secrets: he doesn’t really have any, really. he’s mostly an open book.

Turn ons/offs:

turn ons: humor, security, understanding, faithfulness, communication skills, charisma, confidence, big smiles, food lover, nice hair, smooth skin, being a little rough, good banter, confidence, being verbal or loud during sex, good with kids, people who can provide him with pizza, being called daddy.

turn offs: bad teeth, body odor, dirty surroundings, the sound of somebody chewing, unnecessary rudeness, judgmental, indecisiveness ( lol hypocrite ), lack of commitment, smoking, pessimism, picky eaters, religious, lack of humor, bossiness, strong perfume, coldness, secrecy, constant negativity, racists, sexists, homophobes – the whole cream of that crop.

Lucky number: number four.

Pet peeves: people who chew with their mouth open, people with poor manners.

Dark version of themselves: he can have a huge temper if something makes him super, super upset. he’s known to have punch a few holes in walls or scream so loud that he loses it. 

Light version of themselves: he’s literally a human golden retriever. he just loves people and being with them. he can throw a million dad jokes in a matter of seconds and he enjoys making people happy, no matter what it takes.

How do they react to a proposal of marriage?: i think he’d be very flattered but he’d prefer to be the one to propose.

How do they react to the death of a loved one?: if it was someone who was in his immediate family, i think he’d be devastated. he’d probably eat and drink a lot. 

How do they react to something irresistibly cute?: he’d go into one of those smiles where it takes up his entire faces and it’d make his face hurt.

— && FAVORITES

Food: french fries.

Least favorite food: carrots.

Drink: dr. pepper.

Least favorite drink: any kind of tea.

Fast food restaurant: mcdonald’s.

Word: serendipity.

Color: blue.

Candle scent: sparkling cinnamon.

Store: target.

Instrument: guitar. 

Occupation: landscaper.

Animal: cats.

Holiday: thanksgiving bc food.

Season: fall.

Artist: ed sheeran.

Band/group: the arctic monkeys.

Song: gravity -- john mayer.

Movie/film: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, lost in translation.

TV show: supernatural. 

Sport: hockey, baseball.

School subject: social studies.

Number: thirteen.

Emoji: 🤠

— && SKILLS

Talents: he can sing superlatively well.

Ability to drive stick? no. 

Can they ride a bike?: yes.

Do they play any sports?: he likes to play hockey and soccer.

Anything they’re bad at?: doing laundry, diy projects, and going clothes shopping.

— && FIRSTS

Childhood memory: helping his dad fix something in the family car when he was six would most likely be his first childhood memory.

Crush: his first crush was a girl named janette. the first time he ever met her, she knocked his sandwich off his desk and made him eat it anywaya. ever since that, he was in love with her for basically all of first grade. after that, he just kept getting crushes on girls who treated him like absolute shit. and even now, he still develops feelings for someone really quickly, and it’s a blessing and a curse. 

Email address: jack553@yahoo.com

Job: starbucks.

Kiss: he doesn’t remember it that well, tbh.

Love: britney spears in the baby one more time video.

— && MISCELLANEOUS

Do they have a fake I.D.?: no.

Are they a virgin?: no.

How long would they survive in a zombie apocalypse?: probably a few weeks before accidentally getting killed. 

Do they travel?:  if he can afford it.

Celebrity crush: gabrielle union.

Place(s) they can always be found: in his apartment, at the park, or at a blackhawks game.

When do they like to wake up?: typically around noon, if he can. 

What do they wear to bed?: shorts.

Do they smoke/drink/drugs?: no / yes / no.

Do they snore? yes, although, he’ll claim he doesn’t.

Do they chew their pens/pencils?: no. 

Do they believe in the supernatural?: yes, very much so.

Have they ever cheated on anyone?: never.

Have they ever been cheated on?: he hopes not!

Has anyone ever broken their heart?: yes.

Are they squeamish?: around blood, yes.

Are they a lightweight?: no.

Type of kisser: soft and gentle.

Do they want kids?: yes.

Do they want to get married?: yes.

How are they in bed?: he likes to think he’s good but he can’t really tell.

Would they marry for money?: yes, if it’d make him a billionaire.

Opinion on sex: he likes it. a lot. 

Favorite position: he sounds so boring but missionary. 

What is their dream date?: a walk around the city at night, just getting to know them.

[fulminearcobaleno]

REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG.

t h e    b a s i c s .

name.  Verde (Salvadori) nickname(s). Verrypoo (Fran), there’s miscellaneous names he hears others call him, but its nothing he has kept track of age. 38 species. Human

p e r s o n a l .

morality. lawful / chaotic neutral / good / grey / evil   religious belief. Raised Catholic, Currently Agnostic sins.  lust / greed / gluttony / sloth / pride / envy / wrath virtues.  chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience (to an extent) / justice primary goals in life. Earn his father’s respect, He already is a top scientist and inventor with an unmatched genius but he wants to maintain that life languages known. Italian, Japanese, German, French, English, Spanish (Rusty at it), Chinese (Very bad. He can only hold the simplest of conversations), Latin (Can read it fluently, obviously never speaks it) secrets.  Verde is very sentimental person; he keeps gifts given to him, names all of his box animals, and carries an old photo of his mother in his wallet (one of the few belongings he has of her), Cannot swim, Extremely ticklish (completely breaks his serious demeanor) quirks. Verde is a very eccentric individual (earns him the mad scientist title) from is behavior to his sense of fashion- it especially shows when he is surrounded by other scientists that he works with, Talks to himself and to Keiman savvies. Science and math, Puzzles, Art (specifically tradition mediums such as painting and sketching), Rhythm games (Verde actually likes a lot of video games and encourages them as a stress relief, he just happens to be especially good at rhythm ones)

p h y s i c a l .

build. slender / scrawny / bony / fit / athletic / curvy / herculean / babyfat / pudgy / obese / other: (He is very thin, but not to the point of being bony, He is out of shape)  height.   196 cm weight.  72 kg (I’m not good at weights; Verde is underweight) scars/birthmarks.  Lots of small scars on his hands, a few scars on his forearms and back from experiments gone wrong. Verde also has a few small scars on his scalp (hidden by hair) and body from childhood and one unnoticeable scar by the outer corner of left eye abilities/powers. Verde is the Arcobaleno of Thunder/Lightning- he has one of the strongest lightning flames in the series (he simply is not much of a fighter), In combination with his lightning flames, Verde can manipulate electricity itself without a ring of box weapon and he does not feel pain from electric shocks or even lightning, Extremely fast at calculating complex math problems, Decent shot with a rifle but has not worried about that in a long time, Surprisingly flexible! Verde is able to move through and around narrow spaces and not get stuck (which is important because of his claustrophobia) restrictions. Verde is not physically strong at all and gets himself into trouble a lot, his sarcasm has left him roughed up to put nicely. He is best as a long range/ not in combat fighter. If he is out of breath and energy, he may not be able to use his dying will flames offensively as he would like as easily. Technically a restriction but Verde does suffer from depression and has let that get in the way of his research and productiveness- usually ties in with drinking (heavy drinking + spark = flames, Verde is smart enough not to use his lightning powers when heavily intoxicated). Verde also gets caught up in his research to the point of obliviousness. Gets carsick easily. Becomes increasingly more awkward as he talks to someone he is really attracted to/could foresee a romantic relationship with. (Also not technically a restriction, but he can get distracted easily- this plays more if he’s working with others. Say he is expected to do something at a certain time and is waiting for a signal. In the interim, Verde will more than likely do his own thing/ not be where he is expected until the time stated. “Change of plans” at the last minute are a huge pet peeve)

f a v o u r i t e s .

favourite food. Okonomiyaki favourite drink.  Mocha, sweet cocktails favourite pizza topping. A good margherita pizza is his go to, sometimes spinach, likes pineapple pizza (and would absolutely order it if he knew everyone else hated it) favourite colour. Green, Silver favourite music genre.  Rock, Metal, Funk, some cases of Pop or Hip Hop (music with a god beat and flow, like Nujabes) favourite book genre.  Science Fiction favourite movie genre.  Science Fiction, Drama favourite season.  Spring favourite curse word.  FUCK, but he says shit the most favourite scent. Vanilla, Citrus (Lemon cleaning solution), Mostly anything labeled “Tropical”

f u n  s t u f f .

bottom or top.  VERSE loud burper or soft burper.  soft; he was raised to be extremely polite sings in the shower.  yes / no (all depends on mood, usually no) likes bad puns. yes / no

their opinion on the mun.  “You had to do this more than once because you forget to save your drafts. You also start a lot of projects and don’t finish them.”

was tagged by.  @priimaveras

Anyone can do this, feel free!

[rebelmeg]

Another survey, you know how I feel about those...

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?   “Morning, sunshine.”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?  It’s our 11th wedding anniversary today!

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?  Yes, because drugs are one of the fastest ways to mess yourself up, and they never really ever let go.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?  Yep.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?  I’ve never been drunk, all of my kisses have been sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?  I don’t think having a crush on someone and then moving away when I was 14 really counts...

7. What does your last received text say? *Sobs*  I know!

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?  Oh, too many to count, been kissing him for 13 years...

9. Where was your last kiss at?  Either on the couch or on the bed.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?  I saw both of them yesterday!

11. What do you drink in the morning?  Water and Dr. Pepper

12. Where did you sleep last night?  In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?  They shouldn’t be that hard.  I think being an adult makes life hard, and that stress can easily transfer to relationships.  If a relationship is hard, and it’s not just normal responsible adult stress making it hard, maybe there’s something wrong.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?  Oh, I’m sure I would.  Not sure what, I’d have to think about it, but there’s always something I think I could have done better or different.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?  Absolutely not, he’s my favorite person.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?  Rainy all the way!

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?  Um... not off the top of my head, no.

18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?  Khaki shorts with cotton lace on the hem to make them a little bit longer.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?  Yep.

20. Does anyone like you?  I think so, yeah.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?  Nope.  There was a D, a B, and a T, and a P ever since then.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?  Oh, there’s a few...

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?  I save tattoo designs that I like, but I won’t ever actually get a tattoo.  But I do love the art, sometimes I’ll use it as inspiration for other things.  I painted an awesome phoenix on a shirt that was inspired by a tattoo design.

25. In the past week have you cried?  No, not this week.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?  Saw my mom’s mini American Eskimo yesterday.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?  Both, I usually do top half in the shower, lower half out of the shower, then hair.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?  Nope, but I had a crush on one once.

29. Do you think you’re old?  Nah, got awhile yet for that.

30. Do you like text messaging?  I like the ease of communication, but I hate typing out long messages.

31. What type of day are you having?  Eh.  Could have slept longer than I did.  Have to do both jobs today, that’s never fun.  But it’s payday, so there’s that.  Paying bills, woot.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?  Nope, I just have my ears pierced.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? COLD ALL THE WAY, I’M A POLAR BEAR!

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?  There’s my hubby, and then all my male family members.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?  Relationship.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?  I dunno, depends.  Which probably translates to complicated, but like... I have pretty simple basic needs, but the way I like to do things can be complicated.

37. What song are you listening to?  Hold music... yes, I’m on Tumblr while working... no, I don’t apologize for it.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?  I try really hard not to.  I like my apologies to be sincere.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?  I have a bestie that knows a lot, and also my sister, sister in law, and mom.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?  I started dating my hubby because he was so cute and awkward and very funny.  He still is, he makes me laugh every day.

41. When did you last receive a text message?  Couple hours ago.

42. What is wrong with you right now?  I’m tired, I am the Grand Empress of Time Mismanagement, I have too much to do, I love food too much and hate exercise way too much, my sleeping schedule is way off, my self-control is on vacation somewhere, and I lost my motivation seeds.  I’m also a wee bit peckish.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?  That’s my sister, so pretty well.

44. Does anyone disgust you?  Disgusting people do.

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?  Nope, I’m taken.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?  I’m in an okay mood.

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?  My hubby.

48. What color shirt are you wearing? Bright sky blue.

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Hubby told me it was time to wake up.  I whined at him.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?  I did last year, then awhile after that they sucker punched me right in my heart, and I really don’t know what’s up with that anymore...  They scrambled to fix it right away, I needed time to recover, and haven’t heard anything since, so... yeah.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Nope, I love him.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Not yet.

53. Do you like rain?  I absolutely LOVE rain!

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?  Yep, there’s no way drinking leads to good things.  We don’t drink.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?  Probably when I was a teenager.

56. Do you like to cuddle?  I do, yes.

57. Are you shy?  Not really, no.

58. Do you get along with girls?  Yep, I do.

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?  Yep, we dated for two years.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?  My phone.

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?  Sure, why not?  I don’t really believe in that kind of stuff, so it wouldn’t bother me.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?  I’ve lasted in one for 13 years, so yeah, I can.

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?  Mmhmm.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?  Yes I do.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?  Lots of stuff, I’ve got a hubby and two cute girls.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?  30, 9 and a half, and 3.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?  I always do them myself, I love nail polish and I’m very picky about my nail shape.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?  I don’t really like either, but probably zebra.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?  We have a bunch.  Star Wards, Harry Potter, Avengers, Firefly, Batman...

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  Luke Bryan!  I love country music.

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?  Android.   

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?   Hmm, been awhile, I’m not sure.  Several months, probably.

73. Do you like diet soda?   Ick, no, I can’t handle the aftertaste.

74. What color are the walls in your room?  Off-white, very boring, I’d prefer something way more colorful.

75. Are you 16 or older?   Older

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   Nope.

77. Do you have a job?   Other than being a mom, I have two.

78. What are your initials?  MEB

79. Did you ever have braces?  No, but I had a spacer when I was a kid.

80. Are you from the south?  Nope, West.

81. What does your last status on Facebook say?  It’s a “happy anniversary to me” message.

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  Occasionally, we were friends in high school and we’re Facebook friends.  He’s a super weird dude.

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?  Uh, maybe mom, but I’ve been pretty close to my dad in recent years.

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?  Nope, but I did ballet and tap when I was a kid.

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  We saw Wonder Woman and Spiderman: Homecoming on the same day a couple weeks ago!

86. Do you smoke?  Nope, never have.

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   I adore high heels, but they hurt to wear, so I wear flip flops more often.

88. Is your phone touch screen?  Yep.

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?   It’s naturally curly/wavy, so my ponytail is usually that way.

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  Yep.

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?  Pool, it’s more clean.

92. Have you ever made out in a car?  Several cars, yes, in and on top of.

93. …Had sex in a car?  Several cars, yes, in and on top of.

94. Are you single or in a relationship?  Happily in a relationship.

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?  Watching Iron Man.

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  We did them on the third of this month, my family came down and we set some off.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  Ugh, no, it sucks!  I keep my old phone on hand because the camera is so much better.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  Nope.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   I’ve never had alcohol.

100. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate?  Nope, I don’t do that kind of nonsense.

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?  Yep.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:  Die Young

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?   Yep, farmers tan on the neck/chest and arms.

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?   I don’t think I could get away with it, but some people can.

[machihunnicutt]

Small Hot Chocolate, No Whip (Chapter 2)

(Or read on ao3.)

Chapter 2: Evan

Evan couldn't figure out whether he was happy or upset. He felt tingly all over and when he got home he tripped over Jared's shoes in the doorway.

"Dude did you fall?" The owner of said shoes said, coming out into the hallway. His glasses were crooked and he was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt despite the fact it was only 7:30. They were alike in that respect. He and Jared had been on the edge of close for most of high school: Jared was kind of mean for a while and then it happened and there was a lot of talking and a few confessions and somewhere along the way they became friends. School was easier with Jared there.

He was a computer science major with more friends than Evan could even comprehend. King of the nerds he'd dubbed himself.

"A little. Can we talk?"

Jared's eyebrows rose in amusement.  "Sure, what's up?"

"Zoe," he started, chewing on his bottom lip. "Has a brother."

"Zoe, the barista love of your life?"

"She's n-not the l-love of my...I think her brother was flirting with me."

"Holy shit. Is he hot? Do you like him?"

Evan passed him in the hallway and collapsed on his bed. Jared followed him. "Evan Bisexual Hansen are you COURTING?"

"Leave me alone Jared," he said, blushing ridiculously. "He's just...he's cute okay? And now I'm c-conflicted."

Jared cackled. "This is the funniest shit I've heard all week and the newest John Oliver was really good."

Evan buried his face in his comforter and moaned. He wasn't good at this sort of thing. He wasn't good at a lot of things but he certainly wasn't good at this. Connor walking him home had felt like something, but today he'd been largely ignored after trying to help him outside of the cafe. Maybe he'd realized how pathetic Evan was and wanted to cut things off before they went too far? Maybe Evan had unknowingly said something offensive?

"Dude, are you okay?" Jared said after awhile of this.

"'M fine," he said, voice muffled.

"Alright," he said, giving him a comforting pat on the back. "I'm ordering pizza. "If you want to talk about your coffee siblings kink further you know where to find me."

The next day Evan was early to his climate lecture. He wasn't as early as he was the first day. Petrified of being late, he'd shown up nearly an hour and a half early and sat, knees curled to his chest in the overly air conditioned hallway. He took his usual seat in the third row and pulled out a notepad.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is going to be a good day and here's why:

Jared promised to go over your notes with you so you won't worry that you missed or misunderstood something. Connor Murphy is nice and has a cute smile and you don't have to see him today so you can think about what yesterday meant. You have leftover pizza for lunch.

You're doing okay.

Sincerely,

Me

The letters were no longer a therapy assignment but they made him feel better so he'd kept up the habit. He flipped over to his notes and scanned the shaky handwriting. Sometimes he had a question but was too afraid to ask it and his own fear and guilt over not being able to articulate himself made him nervous and he started shaking and spacing out and that was when his handwriting went to shit.

Today's lecture wasn't as bad. He understood all the concepts they discussed and his letters stayed even and legible. After class he made a beeline for the library, walking with purpose so he didn't have to talk to anyone. He had some homework and when he was finished he went up to the fourth floor where the windows were big and the view was better and found a book on the world's coolest trees.

"Are you stalking me Hansen?" He looked up. Of all people, he did not expect to see Connor Murphy here. For half a second he thought he was there to say something mean. But he was smiling kindly and Evan felt guilty. Connor crossed his arms over his chest. Connor was tall: all angles and lean muscles. Today he had the same black hoodie rolled up to his elbows and a new gray v-neck. Evan noticed the mess of friendship bracelets and hair bands covering both of his wrists and the new coating of black polish on his nails. His hair was glorious as usual, though it looked soft and fluffier today.

"Connor!" He jumped. "I didn't know you'd be here. I was...distracted."

Connor tugged on the strap of his messenger bag and Evan felt his eyes  looking him over. He worried that there was something on his shirt or face. C'mon Evan just communicate.

"I um...are y-you angry w-with me?" He said, feeling his heart pound rapidly. "Yesterday you seemed k-kind of..."

"No," Connor interrupted. Evan forced himself to look up at him. His eyes were big and sad. "No, I'm sorry. It was just a bad day. It wasn't you."

"Oh," He said dumbly. "Okay good. I was wondering then if we might e-exchange emails that is...if you'd want to t-talk to me and uh...be f-friends?"

"Emails? I could just give you my number?"

Emails? Emails! You idiot why would he want to talk to you in the 90s. He might well have asked if their moms could set up a play date.

"Oh! Right, your number. Y-yeah, that's fine."

"Here." He pulled a Sharpie out of his back pocket and gestured for Evan to stick out his hand. Evan was suddenly preoccupied with the idea that his hand might be so sweaty the whole message would wipe off.  "Is it chill if I write it on the back of your hand?" Instead of saying this he nodded.

"Nice to see you Hansen."

"Yeah, n-nice to see you too Connor."

Jared had trivia night at the bar down the street. Thanks to him his team was undefeated. He'd invited Evan to come watch numerous times but going meant being around fellow 19 year olds with fake IDs sipping beers he was entirely uncomfortable with.

Evan thought he was probably the most vanilla college student in existence, not that Jared ever hassled him for it or that he planned on changing his behavior.

He was almost 20 and he'd never even kissed anyone. If that could change maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Because Jared wasn't there to tell him not to, Evan pulled up his Instagram and searched for Connor. Careful not to like any old photos, he scrolled through his profile with interest.

Zoe was in most of the posts. He could tell they were close. On her birthday he'd made her an ice cream cake and posted a multi paragraph caption about how lucky he was to have her in his life. Evan grinned at the older photos where he was shorter and less lean and his captions were riddled with typos.

He stopped on a photo of Connor at what appeared to be a Pride parade. His grinning face was painted: rainbow streaks beneath his shining eyes and hair swimming with glitter. Beside him, and Evan finally put two and two together then, Zoe was kissing her no doubt girlfriend who was tagged as Alana.

Connor Murphy wasn't straight. That was a sign as encouraging as the photos of Zoe Murphy's girlfriend were discouraging.

The conversation in the coffee shop the next day went about as well as could be expected until Evan let slip that he was a creepy Instagram stalker. And then the business about his broken arm...

He knew Connor didn't mean any harm but he wasn't in the habit of telling people about the time he threw himself out of a tree and laid there pathetically friendless, sobbing about how he should've died but didn't. It didn't seem like the kind of detail you revealed to a boy you liked.

He hoped he was serious about the nature walk. Despite his stumbling speech he had a whole tour planned in his head. It was dumb but when Evan was in a forest he felt at peace. His limbs that usually stirred with unwanted activity quieted; his thoughts that circled menacingly slowed and straightened out into neat and gentle lines. In the forest he didn't feel like everyone was looking at him. His flaws were not on display and he could breathe in the fresh air without worrying that he didn't deserve to.

Connor Murphy looked like he would be good at climbing trees. He could probably reach branches Evan couldn't. He was probably fast.

***

Evan didn't know how he got here. That happened sometimes when his panic was intense. The lines between past and present blurred and he got the feeling that someone had dragged a big pink eraser through his brain.

He knew he was shaking. He knew he was drawing in raspy, shallow breaths and that his face was wet with tears. After a moment it came back to him. He was locked in the bathroom at the coffee shop, curled up pitifully on the tile, and the walls seemed to be crashing in on him.

There was a knock on the door. He curled in tighter. "Hey Evan? Is that you in there?" Connor sounded worried. He didn't want to worry him.

"I...y-yeah," his voice quivered terribly. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Are you sick?"

"I had an uh...a p-panic attack," he said. "S-sorry to..."

"Evan can I come in?" He interrupted.  His voice sounded tight. "Please."

Evan got up and wiped his face with his hands. His head spun and vision swam but he crossed the room and unlocked the door. He couldn't meet Connor's eyes.

"Come in the back. I'll get you some water. Do you want to take my hand?"  

Evan nodded despite himself. Connor's hand was warm and his grip was firm. He let himself be led to a chair in the back room. Connor sat him down and brought him a cup of water. He sipped from the cup and felt his breathing slow. Way to go Evan. Now he knows you're a quivering mess and you probably have snot all over your face.

"Sorry," he muttered, looking up at Connor. "I'm really sorry for c-causing all this trouble."

Connor ran a hand through his hair. "Don't be sorry. You're fine. I just want to make sure you're okay. Do you want to talk about it?" Connor chipped at the nail polish on his thumb and his brows furrowed. "I mean I know we're not...I um," he blushed. "I just want to help. You kind of scared me."

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"No," Connor's eyes widened. "I didn't mean it like that. I...I'm sorry Evan."

What was he sorry for? Evan was the one having a break down in public. Evan was the one whose breath still felt a bit shallow and very existence a bit worthless. He was making progress, he really was. He just wasn't making any today. Just because you feel like you're taking a few steps back today doesn't mean you won't roll doubles and move forward a lot tomorrow. Jared said to him once. It wasn't the first board game metaphor he'd thrown at him.

"Evan," Connor repeated and Evan realized he'd been staring at him like an idiot.

"T-there's no r-reason for you to be s-sorry. I'm the one who got a D on my test and is probably going to flunk out of school and end up living in a box and then I'll be basically friendless and homeless and I'm sorry I can't be rational about that and have to panic in your bathroom like a pathetic child and..."

"Evan." He liked it when Connor said his name. It was gentle. Connor didn't look like the kind of guy who could speak like that. But Evandidn't like judging people based on stereotypes.  "One bad grade doesn't mean you're going to flunk out, believe me," he said slowly. "And having a panic attack doesn't mean you're pathetic or a kid. It's okay," he said, insistent. When Evan sniffled he reached forward to put his hand on his shoulder. Evan flinched and then felt bad.

"I'm sorry." Connor drew back.

"Don't be," he said. "Let me walk you again. I can talk Alana into getting you a free hot chocolate. "

"Okay," Evan said. His face was probably so red. Great, red, snot covered, hiccuping now and he was still offering to spend more time with him. "You're really nice," he blurted. Maybe it was a Murphy sibling thing.

Connor laughed. "I'm not that nice."

Evan took small sips of the free hot chocolate and stole glances at Connor Murphy beside him.

"I freak out during tests sometimes. It uh...when I have trouble I tend to s-shut down," he muttered. It wasn't as if he had to keep up false pretenses anymore.

"Have you talked to any of your professors about your anxiety?"

He should. He'd told himself to numerous times but he always seemed to get in his own way. "I can deal with it," he said instead.

"I know," Connor said with a confidence that admittedly, Evan didn't feel. They were at his place. The lights were on and Jared's car was in the driveway.

"Thanks," Evan said. "For everything." Connor Murphy smiled at him and how could he not have a crush on this boy?

"It's going to be okay," he said seriously. He seemed to blend in with the blackness of the night. When Evan was little he was afraid of the dark. He begged his mom to leave the lights on in his bedroom and cried when she didn't. Connor Murphy made the dark seem like a big, warm blanket tucked beneath your chin.

"Thanks," he repeated because it was better than saying sorry.

"You're welcome Evan Hansen." Jared would say he should have invited him in for coffee but it seemed dumb to ask a barista that and he wasn't daring. The panic attack had drained him and Evan didn't have a lot to drain in the first place.

"Hey, um..." Connor's mouth fell open and his awkward start hung for a moment. "My sister's having a music showcase on Friday and I was wondering if you might want to come with me? It would be nice to have a friend there you know?"

A friend.

"Sure. Text me the details." Connor Murphy isn't completely repulsed by you.

"Okay, well goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He got the text while he was brushing his teeth:

CM: showcase is at 7. I can pick u up early and we can get dinner? ps: I think ur really brave Hansen. That's probably weird to say but fuck it.

Fuck it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #96

favorites survey.

color:   maroon color to wear:   black eye color:  sapphire blue natural hair color:   blonde, bc it's easy to dye. number:   13 domestic animal:   ball pythons or rats wild animal:   meerkats sea animal:   probably the blue whale.  whales in general scare me, but they're just like... really majestic and pretty. forest animal:   deer. snack food:   uhhh probably flamin' hot cheetos. fruit:   strawberries vegetable:   corn or broccoli meat:   pork, probably. nut:   i hate nuts. ice cream:   vanilla, but with chocolate syrup. cake flavor:   red velvet candy:   uhhh, reese's in terms of chocolate, sour punch straws in terms of basic candy. chip flavor:  already mentioned it. soup:   vegetable soup, sometimes.  not a big soup person. salad dressing:   ranch, i guess. lunchmeat:   salami soda:   mountain dew alcoholic beverage:   the best thing i've had thus far was a watermelon-flavored margarita type of coffee:   i hate coffee. juice:   mango, usually. pizza toppings:   jalapenos international cuisine:   american movie:   burton's "alice in wonderland" actors:   johnny depp, jim carrey actresses:   betty white, easily. director:   tim burton, 110% horror movie:   "blair witch project 2: book of shadows" or "the crazies" action movie:   "ghost rider," probably. romance movie:   "the notebook" black and white movie:   i'm blanking atm. musical:   i don't like musicals. tv show:   both iterations of "fullmetal alchemist," "that '70s show" talk show:   does good mythical morning count? band:   do not make me pick... my "favorites" are ozzy osbourne, metallica, marilyn manson, otep, a day to remember, rammstein, cradle of filth, and korn.  i love them all so much. female vocalist:   amy lee male vocalist:   patrick stump song:   "do i wanna know?" by arctic monkeys and "false flags" by massive attack music video:   maybe "hurt" by johnny cash. album:   "black rain" by ozzy osbourne concert you've been to:   i've only ever seen alice cooper, and that was great. music genre:   heavy metal painting:   tatchit/nukerooster of deviantart's "denialism" artist:   i always forget, really... sculpture:   no real favorite. art style:   hyper-realism book:   "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo and "the outsiders" by s.e. hinton author:   i don't have a *real* favorite, but i say christie golden. book series:   "warriors" by erin hunter genre of literature:   horror, fantasy magazine:   none. biography/autobiography:   "i am ozzy," ozzy osbourne's autobiography.  i got it one easter and finished that book in like two days lol t-shirt you own:   it's a purple shirt that has a picture of edgar allan poe saying, "i'm just a poe boy, nobody loves me," and a raven saying, "he's just a poe boy from a poe family."  (if you don't get the reference, we cannot be friends.  i am not even remotely kidding.) clothing style:   GOTH type of bottoms:   i like torn skinny jeans aesthetically, but sweatpants for comfort. type of bathing suit:   one-pieces shoes:   studded, metal-esque combat boots. clothing brand:   *shrugs* clothing store:   rebel's market grocery store:   i don't buy my own groceries, so i can't really pick. convenience store:   ^ restaurant:   olive garden bar:   i don't go to bars. fast food place:   it goes between bojangle's and chik-fil-a, just depends on the mood donut shop:   it bounces between dunkin' donuts and krispy kreme. breakfast food:   bacon girl's name:   alessandra boy's name:   luther, vincent family member:   my mom friend:   i don't want to pick a "favorite" friend. poem:   i'm not sure. poet:   edgar allan poe.  duh. nail color:   black makeup brand:   *shrugs* makeup:   if i'm going to wear makeup, i always wear eye liner comedian:   john pinette, rip<3 celebrity:   mark fischbach<333 superhero:   batman, maybe, or ghost rider, if you consider him a hero.  deadpool's awesome, too. superhero movie:   the first "ghost rider." comic book/graphic novel:   i don't read comics. supervillain:   harley quinn perfume:   *shrugs* candle scent:   i like cinnamon roll-scented ones. smell:   lilac nature smell:   ^ flower:   tiger lilies tree:   weeping willows phone app:   probably tumblr piece of jewelry:   i like rings color of jewelry:   rose gold, probably. politician:   *shrugs* political party:   they're all flawed, so. hairstyle:   scene summer activity:   swimming winter activity:   making snowmen fall activity:   decorating for halloween spring activity:   photographing flowers conversation topic:   it really depends on the person i'm talking to. piercing or tattoo you have:   my favorite piercing is my labret, and my favorite tat is my semicolon butterfly. joke:   my life *high-fives self* insect/bug/arachnid:   butterflies or dragonflies. season:   autumn month:   october youtuber:   markiplier<3 movie franchise:   uhhh i'm not sure. kid's cartoon:   pokemon adult cartoon:   stfu pokemon is for adults too ;-; disney movie:   "the lion king" disney princess:   probably jasmine car:   i like vintage stuff. color for cars:   burnt orange party game:   i don't really take part, but "just dance."  watching others is awesome lol video game:   "silent hill 2" computer game:   "world of warcraft" instrument:   violin, maybe. planet:   saturn

[myyearinhonduras-blog]

Part 2: The bad...

So, like with anything, there are good days and bad days. I have to say, the majority of our days/ experiences were good but there were a select few that tested us and that we’d rather not relive.

The one with the infection

So, as you may have already read, when we went volcano boarding, we had to wear onsies to protect us from flying rocks as we slid down the hill. We had to tie these onesies tightly around our ankles and our wrists. Despite tying them tightly I still managed to get pretty scratched up on the way down. However, not as badly as Lucy. As soon as we were down she was in pain and upon pulling her trouser leg up, we saw two, perfectly circular scrapes. It wasn’t a huge deal at the time but because it was so humid when we got to Ometepe, it was impossible for the scrapes to get dry and scab. Everyone we met would wince and ask what could have happened. They looked like two cheese pizzas at one point. By the time we were in Laguna de Apoyo, her legs were looking really infected and she was feeling terribly. Sara and Jesse ended up taking her to the hospital and after a round of antibiotics the cuts started to heal and now she just has two perfectly round circles on the back of her calves.

The one with the crash (or three)

While we were on Isla de Ometepe, we decided it would be a good idea to rent mopeds to get to a waterfall hike. We didn't take into account that none of us had ever ridden mopeds or anything like them before and not even the whole group had their driving licenses. After a few tries, the people renting them to us decided that we were good to go and, in fairness, if the road had been smooth the whole way, I think we would have been fine. But, the road was smooth for about twenty minutes out of the hour. Almost as soon as we hit the dirt track, Jesse and Lucy slipped off their bikes. They weren’t too awful injured and after a little recuperation time, we were back on the track with Lucy on the back of my bike and Calum and Tom driving the other girls. We managed to get to the waterfall after about an hour (should have taken about 20 minutes) with only one more casualty: the stand on my bike had fallen off after I went over a big rock.

When we finally got to the place where we were to climb the falls, we were told that the hike would take 3 hours and we had to get the bikes back before then. So, we decided to have a swim in the lake and then head back. It was then that Tom discovered that there was no moped key at the end of his keychain. We looked around for about 30 minutes and finally found it in a plant. Just as we were leaving I crashed into the wall with Lucy on the back. Now my bike was scratched too. By the time we caught up with everyone we had crashed again and my stand came all the way off and we met a man that told us that we should get it fixed before we went back to avoid heavy fees when we took the bikes back. So we headed to a mechanic who fixed the stand, filled our tanks and spray painted over the damage. He also offered to take Tom and I up Maderas the next day for $20 which was a lot cheaper than we had seen around the island. We drove back to the bike shop and were told that we were going to have to pay $60 in repairs. When we argued, they told us the price had gone up to $100 then one of the men took Jesse’s iPod and wouldn't return it. Eventually, the boss came out and was a lot more reasonable. After a lot of debate, we eventually paid the $60 and walked away. Though it was one of the more expensive days and we didn’t do much, we all agreed that it was one of the best days that we had in Nicaragua.

The one with the waterfall

If you’ve already read volume one of the “The good” then you’ll know that we had to go to San Jose for a few days after the waterfall in Montezuma. There were two reasons for this. After I jumped off, I was trying to get back up to the top, lost my footing and fell off onto the rocks underneath. And, after she jumped off, climbed back up, climbed back down to the town, Jesse’s back pain became unbearable so she called an Ambulance.

I was completely fine immediately after it happened, just a little shocked. I swam over to the side with just a sore foot. As time passed though, my foot became a lot more sore and it became apparent that I wasn’t going to be able to climb back up to the others, let a lone back down to the town. So, we waited for about an hour while a rescue team came to help us.

The first man that came was the guy that was going to help get me out of the falls. Then a paramedic came with the morphine. I must have had quite a lot because there’s a few pictures of me with a massive smile on my face. They attached a rope to the back board that I was on and kind of shuffled me up the side of the falls. After being almost dry it was really cold to get back into the water and all of my friends lost their towels. There was another pool to get over once we were up the middle fall. The man was trying his hardest to get us across as quickly as possible but he almost drowned me as we crossed the last little bit. Then, I was carried up a lot of stairs by 14 men and eventually put into an ambulance. We spent a while at the local clinic while we were getting conformation from our insurance that they would cover us to be transported by plane to a hospital in San Jose, the capital. They said they would and we were taken to an airstrip. Sara and I in one plane and Jesse and Lucy in the other. The ride took about 30 minutes and when we got to the Emergency room they told us that I wouldn’t need to have surgery and  that I needed to wear a boot for the next month. Jesse also had a very attractive corset that she had to wear for the month after they found out that she had fractured her T-8 vertebrae.

We stayed the night in the Hospital and moved to a hotel the next morning. The boys were absolutely incredible and managed to bring all of our bags (I have 4 bags alone) to the hotel where we stayed for three nights just relaxing, doing some retail therapy at the MALL and watching movies in the theater at the MALL.

We’re all pretty much healed now, I got off my crutches in San Juan del Sur (Sunday Funday with one foot was interesting) and Jesse and I left our “accessories” in Utila. I wouldn’t run on it but I just did a surf lesson on it today so it’s not stopped me from doing too much and the boot turned out to be a great conversation starter!

The ones with the border crossings from hell

Border crossings aren’t generally that enjoyable, you wait in line for hours, usually have to pay more than you were expecting, usually have to walk further than you were expecting and as a result, end up in a new country exhausted and with no money.

Our first bad experience was from Nicaragua - Costa Rica.

There was no way to get to the boarder in a bus so we had to take a taxi and as soon as we pulled up we were swarmed by people asking for our passports and writing what looked like boarder crossing tickets. They wanted $10 for each ticket so we paid and asked for change. They said they were just going off to get our money and never came back. So, note to self, don’t give your passport or any money to people without being told by the guards that we needed too.

Turns out they weren’t boarder crossing tickets at all but bus ticket forms for a bus we weren’t getting on.

Though I said that the ankle hasn’t stopped me from doing much, the crutches did make traveling a bit more awkward than it should have been. The most awkward occurred at the boarder crossing as we were coming back into Nicaragua from Costa Rica. We really don’t like this boarder.  

Jesse and Lucy had to leave us because Lucy’s card had been swallowed in Montezuma (we really didn’t have much luck there) so they went to retrieve it. The boys, also had to leave us because after we got off our first bus, Calum realized that he’d left his wallet back in Manuel Antonio. So Sara and I decided to tackle the boarder by ourselves.

I couldn’t take my big bag so Sara had my bag on her front, her own big bag on her back and her smaller valuables bag in her hand. This particular boarder crossing was 500m long and we’re always trying to save money where we can so we didn’t want to get in a taxi across.

Another perk of the boot was that I got to go to the front of all the queues but Sara didn’t. At one point I was through to the final part of the crossing and Sara was told she was going to have to wait outside in the boiling hot sun until she got to the front of the line... which was about 100 miles long. The guard eventually let her in but not before an angry woman made it very clear that she and her family should be let in before. Anyway, I ditched the crutches as soon as we got to San Juan so none of the other borders were quite so bad.

The one with the exam

That one would be me. After essentially bombing my chemistry A level, I still really wanted to go to Queens to do nutrition so after talking to the head of the admissions for a while, he decided that I would be able to get in if I achieved the equivalent of B on the SAT chemistry, then I would be offered a place.

All the way back in November we booked the test to be in Guatemala City because we worked out that we would be nearish to there by the time of the test. (Just so happened that we were only 45 minutes away). So, while we’ve been traveling I’ve been trying to fit studying in where I could and trying not to miss anything at the same time. Long bus journeys are great places to study. While the others were in lake Atitlan, I stayed in a hotel room for 2 days cramming information into my head. It all culminated 5 days ago on the 21st of January at 9am. I think it was okay but we’ll find out in 5 weeks!

Quick tip for all my heavy packers out there: YOU DO NOT NEED ALL OF THAT. YOUR BACK WILL HURT, YOUR FRIENDS WILL HATE YOU WHEN YOU ASK THEM TO HELP YOU OUT AND YOU WILL LOOSE EVERYTHING, INCLUDING YOUR WILL TO LIVE. Trust me. 

[nanalikessurveys]

I have fake nails on right now I’m listening to Miley Cyrus I think formspring is a just a big shit talking website I like coke zero way better than diet coke I listen to my music at a really loud level I absolutely adore dunkaroos

Some days are way worse than others for no apparent reason The only makeup I wear on a daily basis is eyeliner I’ve been told that I’m a good kisser I miss TV shows from my childhood, I would still watch them today if they were still on I find it annoying when people don’t say “please” and “thank you” I love corn on the cob ^But I don’t love how it sometimes gets stuck in my teeth I’ve seen the pictures of the falling man from 9/11 and they make me really sad I’d rather be dead than a quadriplegic Family guy cracks me up I stubbed my toe today and it feels like it’s on fire I find the Holocaust and other horrific events very interesting I’m not a big fan of poetry, I find a lot of it very hard to understand I never learned how to do the Hoedown Throwdown   I like the show Toddlers and Tiaras I have a whole bin in my room that is full to the top with shoes I love my siblings and I’m glad I’m not an only child ^That seems kinda lonely My favorite channel on TV is Bravo ^I love all the Real Housewives My room REALLY needs to be cleaned I hate running ^My boobs we’re not made for it I’m subscribed to Cosmopolitan magazine I prefer male singers to female ones Being pregnant is one of my worst fears I hate how it’s so much easier to gain weight than lose it I don’t get on facebook near as often as I used to I think having an affair with an older man sounds exciting Whenever I see a red Solo cup I always think about getting drunk I’m pretty damn decent at beer pong There’s alcohol in the room I’m in right now I’ve smoked a cigar before ^Mmm I like the band Forever the Sickest Kids I talk a lot of shit

I listen to Lady GaGa’s music every now and then. I am late to school at least 3 times a week. I love watching The Real Housewives Of New Jersey. I’ve been in a long-distance relationship more than once. I have an iPod Nano. ^And its orange. I don’t wear slippers. I cannot stand Justin Bieber. ^I honestly wonder why he is even famous. Most of my best friends don’t live in the same state as me. I forget things easily. I think the pizza flavored Goldfish are the best. I don’t like broccoli. I have a Last.fm account. I’ve had a mole cut off to see if it was cancerous. DQ Blizzards are fucking amazing. ^My favorite is the Cotton Candy. I’ve dated someone who played the drums in a band. I’ve never dated a redhead. My toenails are currently painted neon orange. I like sunsets better than sunrises. I’m not a fan of chocolate candy bars. I like watching UFC. ^I usually watch it with my boyfriend. I think about the past way too much, more than the average person. I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. ^Some people dislike me because of it. I got into a lot of physical fights in middle school. I’ve played Spin the Bottle at lunch before. I don’t like Jay-Z. I tend to stick my tongue out a lot in pictures when I’m drunk. ^I’m pretty much a camera whore in that state. I’ve lived in four houses throughout my life. I don’t use Limewire to download music. ^I think its nothing but a piece of shit. I sometimes buy hoodies on Ebay. I read a lot during the summer. I love every book by Ellen Hopkins. I’ve lost 3 loved ones due to someone else’s drunk driving. The first person I smoked weed with was my boyfriend. I have a high pain tolerance. I’ve dated someone more than once. I like bright colored earrings and shirts. I don’t drink soda.

—

Which season suits you best?

Summer You love your freedom You’d rather be hot than cold You love swimming You tan easily You love grilling/barbecuing You like fireworks You were born in the summer Your favorite holiday is the 4th of July You like the beach You live in the south You hate wearing pants You love lemonade or iced tea You own more than one bathing suit You like water parks You own a convertible #: 7

Fall You’re constantly changing your looks You love sweaters Halloween or Thanksgiving is your favorite holiday You like to eat squash Your favorite sport is football You love haunted houses You prefer to call it ‘autumn’ You love pumpkin flavored things Your favorite color is orange You like apple cider You like to see the leaves change color You like voting You love going back to school You live in the midwest You were born in the fall #: 2

Winter You’d rather be cold than hot You own at least three scarves Christmas is your favorite holiday You love snow You like to use your fireplace You like hot chocolate You love to snuggle You go big on New Year’s Eve You know how to ski You live in the north You love ice skating You love to wear fur or leather You were born in the winter You have built a snowman before You loved Frozen #: 7.5

Spring You love plants You have a green thumb Easter is your favorite holiday You like pastel colors You love a cool breeze You like the sound of rain You were born in the spring You love starting things fresh You like to eat salads You love picnics You love to write poetry You have been to prom You’re not scared of bugs You like going to festivals You like to pick flowers #: 5

You are: winter

—

Personality I like meeting new people all the time I’ve been called a nerd before I enjoy going out to many different social events I’m a very calm person I talk loudly I like to stay inside and do something that makes me feel comfortable I cry a lot I’m obsessed with sports I read a lot of books I like a really busy schedule I’m very disorganized I like to give other people instructions I like art that teaches life lessons I sometimes throw or break objects when I’m angry I tend to exaggerate things in my mind to make them seem worse I like things that are cute I’m a left brained person I’m a right brained person

Appearance I dress in simple clothing (t-shirts, jeans, sweats, etc) I have long hair I wear make-up I get paler skin during the winter season I think people who dress really casually look attractive I have a beard I have big eyes I’m very short I’m very tall I have at least five standards for looks when dating someone I have dark hair I’m very skinny I only date people that have a specific weight I like to dress in revealing clothing I prefer comfortable clothes over fashionable clothes

Interests I love music I like coding and programming I generally prefer artistic things over technical things I play video games often I like big stories with many different characters I enjoy watching movies I own a collection of something I play one or more sports I love baking I learned a different language for fun I’ve made up and/or written a story before I do many different community activities I like designing (interior, cover art, architecture, etc) I spend a lot of time on fashion I enjoy getting to know more about someone’s personality I like looking at media (books, movies, music, games, etc) critically

Other I mostly listen to rap music I’m obsessed with celebrities I feel lonely sometimes I have two or more close friends I don’t really mind dentist or doctor appointments I’ve held a gun before I get along well with people I have things in common with I think I’m a likable person I hate snow I’m friends with everyone I know I know someone on Tumblr/LJ I’d like to get to know better I’ve been to Japan I own a GameCube I like raspberries I’m a feminist I smoke tobacco I make at least 15 phone calls every week I respect people with other religious beliefs I wish I had someone to talk to when I’m angry or upset I always wear sunglasses when I can I have been on a cruise ship before I would rather stay home and cuddle than go out and party I have experienced discrimination I can play the piano I’ve skipped an entire night I like to have a lot of light in my room I think thigh highs are cute I have school tomorrow I’m not a virgin I’m a dork

[lisawongsocial]

YYC kids: 10 things to do in the summer, on the cheap

(Disclaimer: this pic is not from Calgary, but from California. But you could totally go to Sikome Lake or visit a friend that lives in a lake community.) 

For the past couple of summers, we decided to opt out of traditional half-day and full-day summer camps. We did this for a few reasons: 

1) To save money.

2) It was hard to find camps that both my girls (ages 5 and 8) could attend together.

3) I wanted to actually spend some time with my kids. ;) 

I know this isn’t a viable option for many families, but since I work from home part-time, we could be more flexible about how we spent our days. 

I also realize that this post is written too late to be useful. If nothing else, it’ll remind me of what to do next summer when we’re looking for things to do in Calgary on the cheap. 

1) Go to the park. Too obvious? Don’t just stick to the ones in your neighbourhood. Venture a little farther, or try “park hopping” with another family. You’ll be surprised at all the gems you might find in our city. The pic below is from Confederation Park. It’s a nice little park with lots of pathways, a small picnic area and bathrooms that are close by. 

2) Library. My girls LOVE the Calgary Public Library. Not just for the books, but the programs too (more on that later). You can borrow books, DVDs and CDs. This year, they had a summer program where you could keep track of books read and the number of times you visited the library to earn stickers and prizes. You can even play on one of their iPads if you don’t mind your kids getting more screen time. 

The library at Children’s Reading Place is awesome too! Remember to make an appointment, though.

3) Library programs. The library has a ton of free programs, some registered, but a lot were just drop in this summer. They are usually only an hour or less, but they’re an easy way to break up the day and get the kids out of the house. Here are some puppets my girls made from wooden forks. 

One day there was a drop-in Mini Yoga class for kids 0 to 5. It was great! 

My girls learned how to draw an elephant in one free library program by Young Rembrandts. 

They made pizza out of felt shapes. 

And planted some cute cat grass. 

4) Calgary Stampede. I know, not that cheap, especially when you factor in parking and food. But there is free admission on Kids’ Day and Family Day, and it’s only once a year, so we don’t mind splurging a bit. 

Plus there are lots of fun free things to do inside, like see the animals, plant sunflower seeds to take home, get your picture taken on a bottle of ketchup and more. 

5) Make something, bake something, draw something, create anything. My daughter actually made this shopping game at school with paper clips and magnets. My daughters also love to make cardboard houses, paint, make slime, design Barbie dresses, and generally be way more creative and amazing than I could ever be. 

These were made from a baking kit we got from the dollar store for 50 cents. Not my type of cookie, but the girls loved making them and eating them. 

6) Michaels camps. Each summer, Michaels does some affordable camps that you can pre-register for ahead of time (there are some drop-in slime camps too). They’re only an hour or so, but at $2 or $5, it’s worth it a visit. The girls painted picture frames and did lots of other fun crafts. (Although sometimes shopping at Michaels can get expensive when you’re wandering around for an hour!)

This is a cute painting they did another day. 

7) Get free stuff. One day in the summer they had an Ice Cream Sandwich Day at Marble Slab for AMA members. These were HUGE! 

At KidsBowlFree.com, you can sign up with participating bowling alleys in the city to let your kids bowl up to two games a day free for the entire summer. The catch? You still need to rent shoes. And parents cost extra, unless you also spend a bit more (around $30) to add a family pass on top of the free kids pass.

So not technically free, but affordable and fun especially on days where the weather isn’t great and you need to stay indoors.  

8) Get a swimming pass. I realized last year that for the price of ONE kid’s half-day camp for ONE week, I could get us a family pass for the entire summer to go swimming. Yes, it does get busy at Vivo at times, especially with their regular summer camps going on, but it’s totally worth it to be able to swim any day of the week during the summer (and weekends too!). 

There are also other passes that you can get that could be used throughout the year, like Calaway Park (good for May through October), Calgary Zoo, Telus Spark and others. 

9) Go to a farmers market. Lots to see and do at Calgary Farmers’ Market, including an indoor playground for younger kids. 

And they even offer a weekly Kids Garden Club through Poppy Innovations that’s not too pricey at $25 a kid (registration required). The kids learn about planting and harvesting, play a game and even get to make a yummy treat like these veggie nori rolls. 

10) Be a mall rat. You don’t have to shop; hitting the mall is sometimes just about stretching your legs and being somewhere cool on a hot day. 

Miniso is a new store in Calgary that has lots of cute and useful items from Japan. These plush are around $7 and would be awesome for birthday gifts. 

There’s always your local grocery store and hitting Costco up for some yummy samples. And discovering seasonal fruit like these donut peaches from T&T. 

And pet stores are fun to visit, even if you don’t plan on getting a new pet friend. Here the girls are checking out the gorgeous fish at Pisces Pets. 

And of course there are playdates, the beach, camping, and a zillion other things you could do that we didn’t get to this summer. What are your favourite cheap activities to do with kids in Calgary? 

#momentforchange#vivo#genh#generationh#getinsinspiredhealthyfamily#healthy lifestyle#healthy life happy life#stay at home mom#sahm#lisa#lisaonsocial#yyc#calgary

[weeeaboodog-blog]

A: Aptitude 1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young? sewing, drawing, singing, ice skating, cooking 2. what activities have they participated in? track and field all through high school 3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for? costume design, photography, makeup, cooking 4. what things are they bad at? literally any sport with a ball or has anything to do with a sense of balance. painting, making a decent cup of coffee 5. what is their most impressive talent? Cosplays

B: Basics 1. what is their hair color? light brown 2. what is their eye color? mahogany brown 3. how tall are they? 5′8-5′9 4. how old are they? 24 5. how much do they weigh? 150ish

C: Comfort 1. how do they sit in a chair? depending on his mood, usually cross legged or curled up against the arm rest. if he is gaming he is more stretched out and using the coffee table as a foot rest 2. in what position do they sleep? flat on his stomach, hugging his pillow 3. what is their ideal comfort day? staying at home in pajamas, sipping on coffee and watching anime/disney movies and working on a cosplay. sometimes playing a video game if he isnt feeling very productive 4. what is their major comfort food? why? chicken tenders and mac and cheese. It reminds him of his childhood, and the simplicities of life 5. who is the best at comforting them when down? his best friends and boyfriend

D: Decoration 1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name? pretty simplistic, with a few house plants on windowsills, and his display case of KH memorabilia in his bedroom. Warm colors, blacks and browns.  2. how would they decorate their child’s room? dinosaurs, or bears, a lot of disney toys and references 3. how do they decorate their own room? kingdom hearts and Square Enix game posters everywhere, and a huge display case of all his KH stuff 4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear? graphic t-shirts from video games, blue jeans, sometimes a KH crown necklace. no rings or earrings 5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends? face masks! 

E: External Personality 1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality? yes! He’s very animated and exciteable, and he doesn’t put on a front to pretend to be someone he’s not. He did that for so long in the past he refuses to resort back to that mentality. 2. do they do things that conform to the norm? not most of the time 3. do they follow trends or do their own thing? More tend to do his thing than follow trends 4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads? when it comes to memes, oh heck yes 5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own? again, he does’t put on a front so people who don’t know who he is has a pretty great idea of his personality.

F: Fun 1. what do they do for fun? Cosplay, video games, cooking, baking, ice skating, going on runs, drawing. 2. what is their ideal party? having a group of his closest friends together for a home-cooked dinner and movies. 3. who would they have the most fun with? his cosplay group and his boyfriend 4. can they have fun while conforming to rules? of course, yes 5. do they go out a lot? no, he is very introverted and doesn’t leave the house unless it’s for work, seeing friends or traveling to cons

G: Gorgeous 1. what is their most attractive external feature? eyes, smile, jawline, eyebrows 2. what is the most attractive part of their personality? his kindness,excieableness, humor and honesty 3. what benefits come with being their friend? loyalty, bad jokes, memes, honesty, someone to confide in 4. what parts of them do they like and dislike? loves his thighs and butt, his face shape and smile. dislikes his disproportionate body and his brown eyes 5. what parts of others do they envy? anyone who has blue eyes

H: Heat 1. do they rather a hot or cold room? cold 2. do they prefer summer or winter? summer 3. do they like the snow? OH HELL NO 4. do they have a favorite summer activity? swimming 5. do they have a favorite winter activity? Ice skating, reading in front of the fire with a cup of hot chocolate

I: In-the-closet 1. what is their sexuality? 100% gay 2. have they ever questioned their sexuality? yes, at an early age. he was 8 when he figured out he was gay and all through his teens he came to terms with it. 3. have they ever questioned their gender? yes. even had sex with his high school best friend once to be sure and it was AWFUL. the solid proof he needed to know he was completely gay. 4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT? no, his parents are extremely religion and therefore shunned him when they found out. mental and physical abuse followed, and even an attempt to force him into conversion therapy through the chruch 5. how long would/did it take for them to come out? he came out officially when he was 17

J: Joy 1. what makes them happy? birds, cats, dogs, kingdom hearts anything, his friends, chicken tenders, trips to the zoo or cons. 2. who makes them happy? his friends and his boyfriend 3. are there any songs that bring them joy? anything from Disney 4. are they happy often? 80% of the time, yes! his anxiety gets in the way sometimes but it never lasts more than a few days 5. what brings them the most joy in the world? having friends that understand him for him, and have no judgement at all. Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY BEING ANNOUNCED, ALONG WITH RESIDENT EVIL 3. also, his cat. 

K: Kill 1. have they ever thought about suicide? Yes. Back when he was a teenager and his parents treated him the way they did because he wasnt the son they wanted. 2. have they ever thought about homicide? No 3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who? his father. because he caused so much stress in his life, and caused the development of his anxieties and pstd 4. who would miss them if they died? All of his friends, his boyfriend. 5. who would be happy they died, anyone? Not at all, he’s such a positive influence on everyone connected to him.

L: Lemons 1. what is their favorite fruit? mango 2. what is their least favorite fruit? Cantelope 3. are there any foods they hate? Vegetables 4. do they have any food intolerances? Dairy :/ but he still eats it anyways 5. what is their favorite food? Chicken tenders, pot stickers, cheese pizza, chex mix, pocky sticks, lumpia and halo-halo

M: Maternal 1. would they want a daughter or a son? doesn’t matter to him! Either will be loved equally. 2. how many children do they want? just one. 3. would they be a good parent? oh hell yes. He would never dream of becoming like his parents. 4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter? Son: Daughter:  5. would they adopt? well. he’s gay, so yes. either that or surrogate with a close friend of his.

N: Never Have I Ever 1. what would they never do? Murder someone, skydive, anything that has to do with extreme heights. 2. what have they never done that they want to do?: Travel the world 3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do? Nope! 4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done? had sex with his best female friend to figure out if he was gay. it was really...really bad... 5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do? traveled outside of the US

O: Optimism 1. are they optimistic or pessimistic? Optimistic, most of the time. Can be pessimmistic if he’s in a bad mood 2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others? yes, always! 3. are they good at giving advice? he tries his best, but sometimes doesn’t know exactly how to express what he wants to say, and that can sometimes make things worse 4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them? Remy, a few friends. 5. were they always optimistic? Hell no. He was a huge pessimisstic in his teen years, until he got a fresh start at the age of 19

P: Personality 1. what is their best personality trait? Kindness, sense of humor, caring for friends 2. what is their worst personality trait? Can be sometimes overbearing and suffocating if he knows a friend is in a bad place/needs help  3. what of their personality do others love? his kindness and sociability 4. what of their personality do others envy? Not sure 5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities? He hates how he cares way too much sometimes, and can’t seem to figure out when people don’t want his help. But he’s working on that.

Q: Questions 1. do they ask for help? depending on the situation. he’s been alone for a long time so he’s still opening up to the idea 2. do they ask questions in class? hell no 3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable? no 4. do they ask weird questions? No 5. are they curious? yes, very.

R: Rules 1. do they follow rules? Not in his teen years, but most of the time, yes. He still has a rebellious side that peeks out every once in a while 2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent? middle-ground. strict when he needs to be but mostly lax 3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule? yes, he’s been suspended a few times in high school for fighting. Also broke and entered a lot in his youth. underage drinking. 4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking? no 5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous? not anymore, no

S: Streets 1. are they street-smart? yes, very 2. would they give money to someone on the streets? no 3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets? no 4. has anything happened to them on the streets? no 5. are they cautious when out? yes, extremely.

T: Truth 1. are they honest? yes 2. can they tell if someone is lying? most of the time, yes 3. is it obvious when they’re lying? he’s a terrible liar LMAO 4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about? no 5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will? no

U: Underdog 1. have they been bullied? yes 2. have they bullied anyone? hell no 3. have they been physically attacked by a bully? all the time in high school. that’s why he got into a lot of fights. 4. have they ever been doubted? his entire childhood, by his parents. 5. have they surprised people with being good at something? ice skating, sewing/tailoring

V: Vomit 1. do they vomit often? no 2. do they get lots of stomach aches? after eating dairy, yes. but he still eats it anyways 3. are they good at comforting someone ill? extremely, yes. 4. what do they like as far as comfort goes? getting his hair played with, gentle kisses, cuddling, 5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting? lots of coughing, but that’s about it. dry heaving.

W: Water 1. do they drink enough water? too much, honestly 2. have they learned to swim? yep! he’s really good at it 3. do they like to swim? definitely! 4. can they dive? not very well 5. can they swim without holding their nose? yep!

X: Xylophone 1. what is their favorite genre of music? Rock 2. do they have a favorite song? Savior-Rise Against. Anything by Bowie, too 3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer? Rise Against 4. can they sing well? sort of....but he’s not the best. 5. can they rap? The Pokerap tbh

Y: You 1. how old were you when you created them? 25 2. what inspired you to create them? seeing his FC’s cosplays 3. were they different when they were first created? extremely different, yes. He’s gone through a lot of growth and turmoil to be what he is now and he’s still changing to this day 4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters? yes 5. what’s your favorite thing about them? how carefree and goofy he can be, as well as kind and well rounded. and the fact he still has flaws he needs to fix. he’s not perfect, and that speaks a lot for character development.

Z: Zebra 1. what’s their favorite animal? otters, butterflies, cats and dogs 2. do they like animals? hes a huuuuuuuge animal lover 3. cats or dogs? both 4. what’s their dream pet? his cat, Bucky 5. do they have any pets at the moment? A cat, Bucky, and a corgi named Fox

[twistednuns]

June 2017

A day with Mama. She visited me in Munich for the first time and (after picking up my Russian visa) we spent a sunny day at Hofgarten, the Korean beauty store, ate ramen noodle soup and ice-cream at Ballabeni. We need to do that more often!                                                                                             

Watching smoke wavering and wafting in the sunset. Beautiful shapes.

Going to Maike’s birthday party, very spontaneously. I enjoyed the company of quick-witted, intelligent film journalists - culturally knowledgeable and eloquent. I need more people in my life who can teach me something. Who challenge me.

The school theatre performance. The kids were so nervous but so good. They can often do and be so much more than we assume.

Clearing out the furnace - I love the transformation of the glazing in the heat and the first look at the sculptures after opening the door. I usually annoy the hell out of Doris by asking if the oven is cool enough yet to open it because I just can’t wait. So impatient.

We had a lot of fun with FaceApp at the board game night (it takes your picture and transforms you into a child, a wo/man or makes you really old and wrinkly - I look pretty much like my dad as a dude and my mum looks liker her uncle) and played Tokaido and AnnoDomini.

Ryan Adams recorded a whole cover album of Taylor Swift’s 1989! And I just found out about this! Of course I had to listen to Shake it Off first.

Marteria - Das Geld muss weg / Alt-J - In Cold Blood (a hymn for coding?)

Pretty shelves.

Walking home from the tube in the middle of the night, watching a young couple kissing behind the bicycles.

Michi told me I was beautiful. Or, well, at least he said that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my face.

And personally I also think that I look pretty cute in panties and a tank top.

Wow. Next month I’m gonna have 6 years worth of Things I Love lists.

Taking pictures on the balcony with Lena and Lexi. All of us wearing summer dresses. A beautiful étagère with strawberries (Sash is a good étagère model), blueberries and Raffaellos. Unlimited birthday pizza. A good talk with Michi. Soap bubbles. Starting to deal books (graphic novels are a hit at the moment and I borrowed a Murakami and Ronja Räubertochter).

Beautiful caramel pumpkin seed twix bars.

A firefly with a big green butt, spotted from my balcony one night.

Germany legalizing gay marriage.

Reading about Saturn return.

Ralf Nietmann (@Rosaistschlecht) - effortless and gorgeous… can I ever make art like that?

Travelling around the Baltic sea with Mohana. Here are some happy memories:

Helsinki: Going to the sauna on a nasty, particularly cold and rainy day; swimming in the sea pool afterwards / Karhu huurre (preferrably in the sunset on an outside-sofa because why the hell not) / Swedish subtitles everywhere / the picture-perfect trip to Suomenlinna / drawing on the ferry, in our window in Tallinn, on a rock in Suomenlinna / riding a proper ferry for the first time - might me one of my favourite means of transport actually / Tove Jansson’s wall art and the fact that she sneaked her lesbian lover into the paintings / white nights, empty streets in almost-daylight at 2am / sunset over the Töölö waters, Sibelius park / Daim ice-cream with liquorice / Nidar Smash (basically Bugles covered in chocolate, SO GOOD) / a nice long-haired dude with an “Eat Pussy not Animals” T-Shirt //

Tallinn: Lilac bushes everywhere / a street food market, truffle popcorn, candy sticks, lobster rolls / a spontaneous visit to a burlesque show - the lady dancing in hoofs to Rammstein was rad / having a sundowner on the rooftop of some mall / buying a bunch of lilies of the valley from an old lady / an afternoon at the Baltic Sea, having Russian ice-cream cones at the beach //

St. Petersburg: meeting Gaio and Stefan, practising my French / Karaoke with Julia, Veronika and the Swiss - the Russians were SO good though / visiting a cat café with ex-employees from the Heremitage / Etazhi project / a canal tour / pierogi and borsht //

Many northern souvenirs: dresses from Other Stories and H&M, a Suomenlinna poster, earrings, Mumin merchandise, an “Art is Popcorn for the Brain” tote bag from Helsinki Art Museum.

Voice messages from Anika.

Panama Plus festival at Kreativquartier! Seeing Pollyester and Ankathie Koi live. Meeting MONSIEUR!!! (Simon M.) Seeing Markus again, almost a year after meeting in Berlin for the first time. A book flea market. Craft beer. Stealing a poster from AskHelmut. A VERY pretty drummer.

Food writing - for example everything ever written by Ruth Reichl, Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler or this article by Bee Wilson. I think food writing might be one of my true passions, just like gender equality, for example.

Meeting (seeing) Sofia Coppola at Filmfest München - she gave an hour-long interview on her new movie The Beguiled. I also saw Fatih Akin that evening and Horst Seehofer after having a good time with Lexi, Maike and her friend at the beergarden on Wiener Platz.

A dream: Kilian and Ashley handstitched grey pearls onto my legs after waking up on big commputer/machine bed.

Franzi and Ralf’s wedding. It was a beautiful evening, I got my Patronus beer tag, everyone was so pretty. I loved the little speeches they gave for one another.