#take care of yourself first and foremost

[warrior-of-storms]

Fic Rec Friday #5 - 1/31/25

Title - Reclaiming Innocence

Author - MurtaghMorzanson (aka @cdelphiki)

Rating - Teen (but borderline M)

Content Warning(s) - Rape/Non-Con, Underage Sex

Fandom(s) - DC

Character(s) - Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth

Relationship(s) - Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne

Word Count - 232,824 (unfinished)

My thoughts - Do you have any idea how many times I've read this? because it's. it's way too many. I am so incredibly soft for this fic. Normally I filter out basically all of the major Archive warnings, so I have no idea how I found this, but it's so incredibly good that I have zero regrets.

Jason slowly finding his way out of his trauma and back towards a normal life is incredible to watch. The slow burn family relationships are so good. I don't have coherent thoughts on this. I don't have words to string together. But I cry at this fic nearly every time I read it, it's soooo. It's. fajdskalfdsa. Words can't describe.

The Batman reveal is done incredibly well, just like everything else in this. There are so many good scenes that I couldn't even start to list them all. I should really make fanart at some point, I've been meaning to for about two rereads now.

[wisteria-html]

Are fathers usually terrible? I don't have many other people around me to compare to, so I thought I might pose it to others.

🐦

Hm. Ok.

The question I’m pondering is how honest to be on here. I’m a part of a whole story now, I have more eyes on me than I have in a while. Yes I used to be big on TikTok, but that was a character. A persona. This is just me: my opinions, my beliefs, my thoughts, regardless of the situation. Even now that I’m in the croakerverse, I want to be clear that I am still myself. This post is all me too, all of this is true.

Don’t read if you’re sensitive to abuse, nothing is explicit and he wasn’t awful, but I do talk about some more serious stuff.

My dad wasn’t great. He was shitty to my mom, he hit my sister a couple times, and I was JUST LIKE HIM. Not in that I was abusive, I wasn’t, but he saw me as a mini him. We’re very alike. We look alike, have similar work ethics, and we’ve always had similar interests.

When I was a kid he would read me Stephen King. As early as four or five years old. Scaring me was one of his favorite things in the world, I never saw him laugh harder. It got to the point where my mom was scared to walk around corners for fear he would jump out. He never hurt her physically, but he did love to see her scared.

When I was eleven years old I told him I wanted to end my life. I begged him not to tell my mom… and he didn’t. My mom was the one taking care of us, she made all the doctor’s appointments, and he hid it from her. Years later I learned he had started being suicidal at eleven too. I get it from him.

When I was in middle school we started running together. It took me years to call it physical abuse. He never touched me, but he would withhold water for miles. If I couldn’t make the pace he wanted he would stop talking to me. Once I got heat exhaustion because he wouldn’t let me stop running before we hit our goal, and then he left me on the side of the road half unconscious while he got the car. Once I threw up and he congratulated me for pushing myself so hard. Once I had to stop and he left me in the middle of the National Mall because “He wasn’t gonna stop his workout just because I was too weak to finish.” I used to fantasize about letting a car run over my foot or breaking my own leg because I knew it would be the only way it would end. When I told him I was done he barely spoke to me for a week. I was twelve years old, thirteen at most.

When my mom learned how bad things were for my sister and I, she ended things. She had been unhappy for a while and stayed for our benefit. I’m not going to get into my sister’s story, it’s not mine to tell, but know that she’s been completely no contact for years. I don’t know if she’ll ever speak to him again.

After they split I tried to go to therapy with my dad. I told him everything he did to hurt me, how seeing scary movies with him was awful because he would make fun of me for days over me jumping at a trailer to cover up how afraid he was of the movie itself. How I hated it and it wasn’t worth it. A year later he asked to take me to see a horror movie, and when I asked if he remembered why the answer was no he said “Oh yeah, you don’t like me making fun of you for being scared.” He never cared or tried to change, not really.

During COVID, he couldn’t come over anymore. I was free. I had been so stuck fawning for him that I never stopped to consider not seeing him. The second I couldn’t see him? Things got so much better so quickly.

We didn’t talk for about two years. Last year he came over to get something and I saw him. I realized he didn’t scare me anymore. I loved him but I didn’t see him as a father. I didn’t care what he thought. We started seeing movies, then musicals. We see each other once a month at most. It’s fun but also exhausting. I don’t like telling him about my life.

When I get married someday, he will be invited but he will not walk me down the aisle. We will not dance. I love him but I also hate him, sometimes.

My relationship with my dad is complicated. The fact that he’s in the military doesn’t help. I’m happy he’s gone and part of me mourns the father child relationship I wish we could’ve had. Seeing him makes really sad sometimes. I think I keep talking to him because I feel like I should, not because it makes me happy. It doesn’t make me unhappy, I just… don’t care. And I shouldn’t not care about my own father.

I don’t know if this answers your question. Honestly I might delete it tomorrow, I’m pretty exhausted and there’s a fair chance I’ll regret posting this. I’ve never told anyone but close friends and my therapist. But I hope this did something for you.

[keanuestrada]

"take care of yourself first and foremost."

- big sean

[bakwaaas]

What are the new things you implement and how do you motivate yourself to do so? I’m in that slump currently.. it’s hard out here. I love this for you 💕

I was in that phase many years ago, so it’s not something that happened overnight. I think it’s about slowly getting into good habits and routines. at it’s core it’s honestly about self love because back then I had really low self esteem and was filled with self loathing and these things play into each other. It’s like I didn’t care for myself because deep down I didn’t feel that I deserved it it was worth it.

It helps to find joy in taking care of yourself - for example I got into cooking so now I love making nice meals for myself and looking up different recipes of things I want to eat. It’s fun and both the process and the end result are enjoyable. sometimes it will be a chore though and you still do it because you love yourself. it’s like that quote which is like ‘I’ll take care of you - it’s rotten work - not to me not if it’s you’ that’s how I feel about myself lol

also just realising that no one is coming to save you, that person who is going to love you and change your life and take care of you is YOU! the longest relationship you are going to have is with yourself. truly realising this changed me. you got this 🩷

[lovelylixie]

this is pretty long and might be a little ramble-y but it's like 1:30 rn and i've been writing this since like 11pm as i rewatched the movie for the 7th time... i've been getting sidetracked as well but that's not the point.

anyways, here's a speculative/opinionated essay on k-pop demon hunters for no reason except that i'm autistic, hyperfixated and opinionated!! this isn't meant to come off as aggressive or rude, i'm just extremely blunt when it comes to my opinions 😭 so please keep that in mind. i'm not trying to invalidate anyone's opinions or headcanons!! hopefully i'm not just entirely preaching to the choir here lmao. my credentials? i've watched the movie 8 times.

i truly believe rumi's patterns and her hiding them are a metaphor for talking about your feelings. when she talks to jinu, her voice gets better. the patterns seem to recede a little. it's a subtle way of saying that you have to talk about your feelings or have some kind of actual outlet to function properly. you also need to take breaks—it's a commentary on korea's intense work culture. you can't just work work work and then be shocked when you physically/mentally can't anymore. the lines "i tried to hide, but something broke" and "we can't fix it if we never face it" in the song free support this.

the doctor guy also says that "to heal/treat the part, you have to understand the whole". he also says that "focusing on one part leads to ignoring other parts, making you separated, isolated". zoey follows up by saying "emotionally closed off?" and the doctor enthusiastically agrees. mira calls her a workaholic and says she doesn't know how to relax (she launched golden immediately after their tour when they were supposed to take a break i mean come on 😭/lh). while the doctor is kind of a fraud, he does make an extremely valid point.

rumi also seems to be pretty depressed and suicidal. it's most evident when she goes to celine and asks her to "do what she should've done a long time ago". there's also the "i've been a mistake since the moment i was born" thing. and the way she sings "a demon with no feelings don't deserve to live" on the train—she looks so sad and self-loathing. she acts like she's fine and that's part of the problem. she's holding it all in and it's tearing her apart.

another quote that stands out to me is from zoey when she says "how can we be together when we can't tell your lies from your truths, rumi?". speaking from experience, it can be a little difficult to be friends with someone when you can't tell if they're lying to you or not, especially if you're only trying to help but they just lie that they're fine. it might be easier in the moment to pretend to be fine, but it's not good for anyone in the long run. as seen in the movie, it can easily ruin relationships. celine taught rumi to hide how she feels all the time and that ended up ruining their relationship as well. she tells rumi that "our faults and fears must never be seen. it's the only only way to protect the honmoon." which is awfully similar to "hide your feelings so you don't burden others".

this post is about rumi's patterns specifically. based off of what happens in the movie, this doesn't seem to fully apply to a human-turned-demon's patterns (like jinu's). while it can be a similar case for one of those kinds of demons, it does seem to be fundamentally different. their patterns are not inherently the same kind of metaphor, but the human-turned-demon patterns can definitely be a metaphor for working on, for example, jealousy before it consumes you.

this is long enough and i'm way too tired to break 'this is what it sounds like' down so i'm just... not gonna 😭😭 have a great day HRMCUDJ i'm going to bed (definitely not i'm actually gonna watch dandadan 🤫)

(please read the tags as well)

[wisteria-html]

You and Birdie are my priorities. I need to think on my own what I want for my life and my future, but if you like I’m here to eat ice cream and watch Love, Actually. Or whatever else you want. Just know that above anything else, I am here.

Night shift by Lucy Dacus is extremely real. I sang that song for weeks after things ended with T.

I hope the songs do feel like covers for you. Sooner than in five years. Be safe <3

of course. and to your post, I mean it when I said I will support whatever choice you make. I'm healing, and so are you. we can do that together.

[basu-shokikita]

i know posting fic can be discouraging with how little feedback you get these days, especially in smaller fandoms, but it's so wild to me seeing writers have meltdowns where they threaten not to write/post fic ever again because they're not getting enough comments.

like if you never want to post for a fandom again due to a lack of comments then that is literally your loss first and foremost because you made attention your primary goal when posting your creations. you already forgot what the whole point is.

if you're butthurt it's 'only' your friends paying attention to your fic then you're completely lost. the point of fandom is connecting through creation. why the fuck are you prioritizing the idea of an audience of strangers when the people that love you and met you through fandom are loving what you make?

it's fine and it's more than okay to be disappointed that something you put so much effort on didn't get the reception you hoped. it's understandable to want praise from people that aren't already attached to you. but when you let this absence become central in your fandom existence you're forgetting something.

we're not sharing our creations to become fandom influencers or clout chasers, we're sharing them because we can't help it, because we simply want to summon our ideas into existence. and if other people enjoy that, then that's honestly awesome. if not then, well that's too bad but we still wanted it out there.

just the fact that you posted it is already worth celebrating! a lot of people never gather enough courage to share their creations publicly. god knows for the longest time i didn't. so you should be proud for taking that step. and you should be happy with yourself without needing others to validate that.

[cloudcountry]

friendly reminder to fan content creators: you do not have to apologize for not doing requests or losing motivation. the fandom can wait. if they pressure you, they're shitty people. you do not have to apologize for not participating in your creative pursuits every single day. your time is your own and you should use it how you want. you are never obligated to give people the content they ask for if you're tired of it. don't apologize.

[lordgeneralsix]

people struggling w kcd need to forget how every other rpg works you will save yourself the frustration by expecting it to be easy

[dittomoon]

I am open for commissions! If you like my stuff, please drop me a DM!

[eyeswaitingfortuesdaynight]

re-reading my own fic, and i'm like, wow past me, adding the little detail that the time traveller is frustrated over the fact the charger they need for their future phone isn't available for sale yet, so they need get a wireless charger and hope for the best is great, thank you for catering to my very specific and exact worldbuilding needs

[margindoodles2407]

i. wow. i am. so lonely

[goldenguillotines]

(Long time no speak and I deeply apologize life been hectic. Almost a whole year sorry 😞 )

How has Ciidii and Vanmit doing.

(If willing wanan try some plot for the two again or bring in someone new?)

Heyo! I hope life has gotten easier for you! Please no worries at all ;v; I missed seeing you around!

And hey! Noxtus' red and Ciidiis pale have always been filled by babs and cheria! I hope you know I love them so much and we can always continue talking/plotting! Just because we take a break, doesn't mean they're gone!

[harlotofandraste]

me on days i take my prescribed vyvanse: huh i feel a bit calmer than usually and I've been doing chores and stuff and for some reason it is actually not all that hard after all? I sat down to write and enjoyed it and was able to focus much better. Seems like I was just being dramatic after all when Existing seemed impossible.

me on days I don't take my prescirbed vyvanse: i am swimming through molasses on my way from the bed to the grocery store. why is it so hard to type a single sentence in my WIP when just yesterday I really enjoyed writing. I have no idea why this is happening it must be my fault.

[stormyoceans]

bl burnout a week before gmmtv 2025 is so unfortunate :c i'll love vicariously through you

im so sorry you’re experiencing that, anon, it always sucks when it feels like we no longer have interest nor energies for something that usually brings us joy

idk if it can be of any comfort, but i’ve been in a little bit of a funk as well when it comes to BL series. i haven’t been particularly into any of the most recent popular ones, and there are so many shows i should start but i just can’t seem to find the motivation to do so ;;;;;;;; i did enjoy the first episode of the heart killers tho (except for the audio. the audio was atrocious), and spare me your mercy is starting next week, so maybe things are looking up

i also hope GMMTV 2025 is gonna bring us some good shows that will be able to renew our excitement (JIMMYSEA NEW SERIES AND PODDPAPANG MATURE BL PLEASE COME THROUGH), but i also want you to know that it’s okay if you have to step away from BLs for a while!!!!! i think sometimes one of the reasons we end up burning out when it comes to shows is that there’s just a lot of content constantly coming out and we feel like we always have to watch and be excited about everything, but this is supposed to be a hobby, something that makes us feel better after a long day, so if it becomes too much, it’s okay to slow down or take a break

i still wish you're gonna feel better soon and that we'll be able to scream about shows together!!!!!!

[funkylilomen]

aaaaaa ommeenn didn..ddindf see that!!!!!!!!!:3

🤨

as long as you're being SAFE and you're going to stop if it's too much.. then i GUESS you can bug the weirdo anons