#terminal anon

[ultrakill-confessions]

i entirely understand the terminals now actually because I’ve been recording my silly little ultrakill gameplay for an audience of hypothetically nobody and I’m SIGNIFICANTLY better whenever I’m recording. I’m supplying myself with all the ultrakill gameplay content I could ever need and it’s fun to rewatch,, and I’m improving by noticing all the little mistakes I wouldn’t if I didn’t save the footage!!

-terminal anon, assuming there isn’t one of those already :]

-

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks

guava anon, terminal anon (new), sofia isella anon, grounded anon

(Sorry this one's less people than usual, I'm really busy today!)

guava anon

Heyyyy cas!! It's guava anon!!

Thank you for your reply!! I feel really better now!!! Love love

Yay, I'm glad you feel better! No problem <3

__

terminal anon (tw- illness)

Terminal illnesses have no right to take the most beautiful souls and yet they do. It’s not fair.

She’s wonderful and one of my favourite people, she has been since I was little. I don’t remember much from my childhood but I’ve always known her to be such a light in a world of darkness and gloom

I don’t want to lose her, none of my family do. She’s the best of us all

Hi hon <3

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make this better but the reality is that the only thing I can do is offer virtual hugs. Do you want to tell me more? I'm here to listen <3 (Also if you want to change your anon name, lmk, I just had to pick something that you knew who you were).

___

sofia isella anon

omg i’m jealous!!

like imo whether or not you like her music she has SUCH a stage presence and like just watch a short of her doing hot gum or the doll people trust me you’ll get it.

also have i mentioned how gender envy she is

and i say that as someone with 0 inclination to be a woman or feminine or 0 desire to be perceived that way (the exact opposite actually)

but just. the vibes. the vibes are gender.

she’s like if pandora and regulus had a child

that level of gender

and yes the james potter thing was amazing

<3

OMG she IS gender...in the pictures I just looked at she's giving like horror movie vibes but in the best way...ugh I'm so mad I didn't watch her set now.

___

grounded anon

Hello again!

I am just as queer as last ask, thanks for asking

Basically, we were walking out of class Tuesday and she said I love you like dokfnfndndjddjdj

Also ahe always tells me stuff she doesn't tell anyone else? Like I'm fixing to get down on ONE KNEE AND PULL OUT A RING

Anyway, all tje other grades had gone on fied trips except mine (typical) so they planned a 'fun day' for us. Basically, we were stuck in gym till like 11 something (not that I'm complaining) and basically of either of us Ever had to go anywhere the other tagged along. Also we were like leaning on eachother most of the time during gym. She rested her head on my arm while we watched this sow and it was just ahjsjdhddjdjjsisdnnkdksk

The we went to lunch and we FINALLY got free seating (the bitch ass principle had .ade us sit in ASSIGNED spots the entire year) so me and her sat together and had our knees pressed against eachother and the FEELS

Then we wet to go on these dumbass inflatable water slides and the water was like murky because of all the boys. It was also raining and cold af?!

I ended uo falling really bad so me and her sit out for a bit before we went with a teacher (who also didn't want to be there lol) and we went to her classroom.

We ended up chilling fir a few hours (not touching eschother, sigh) but I sat up in a char eventually because art block stopped beng a butch so she sat up too amd then we pressed our knees together and RAH

After a bit other people had come in and we were watching hamilton and she like layedagaindt my chest so I wrapped my around her (because it was more comfortable, I'm being fr rn) and rested my head on hers and it was just URGH

Thursday is my last day of school. I don't think I'll get a kiss but thats okay. She probably doesn't like me back anyway, I wouldn't lol.

Are you excited for he wishbone album (conan gray)?!?!? I am raaaahhhh

Anyway, have a lovely day. Your so awesome sauce

-grounded anon

Wow it sounds like you guys had a good day together though! I wish the school I work at did things like that for the students...I hope the two of you are able to hang out over the summer?

I am SO excited for Wishbone. Did you like This Song? I've already listened to it a million times.

Sending love!

[batsandbirdbrains]

So, it's probably been thought of before, but like...

Slade kidnaps Dick

Bruce searches and never finds him -> Slade fakes Dick's death (without Dick knowing)

Dick escapes after a 1 1/2 or 2 years

He's been replaced by Jason

Depressed Dick with just enough stockholm syndrome to count for something

Returns to Slade because he doesn't know what else to do with his life

This was NOT Slade's master plan, but he'll probably lie and say it was so that he could show Dick how replaceable Bruce saw him as

Dick and Slade are as close to toxic besties as they can get

!!! Love this idea. Slade would absolutely capitalize on Dick feeling betrayed and lost and replaceable.

“Ahh yes this was all part of my master plan,” he says, his voice grandiose and self-assured. “I knew you needed to see it for yourself, of course. I couldn’t just tell you he got a new kid. You needed to see it, apprentice.”

Slade had no fucking clue because once he got his little bird, he stopped giving a shit about what the Bat was up to.

But Dick, having a total meltdown and identity crisis, doesn’t even notice how full of shit Slade is being right now. But Slade is offering him comfort and a home and a place to be himself, and he caves. This is what breaks him. Knowing Bruce replaced him so quickly, so easily. But Slade only wants him, doesn’t care about this new Robin.

Slade’s arms are open and welcoming, but once Dick falls into them, it’s going to be impossible to make Slade let go.

And from then on, Renegade is a force to be reckoned with. He has no mercy, doesn’t hold back. He follows Slade’s orders to the letter. And eventually, he even has fun doing it.

And when half his mask gets blown off in a fight with the Justice League a couple years later, and the face of the boy they all thought was dead stares back at them with nothing but hatred and anger and resentment? They falter. Just enough for him to escape back to Slade.

[smallidarityfan]

"The Best Jimmy I Know"

https://x.com/NaomiUChuu/status/1888278135080362405?t=7PjP4jQfyeRISO1xG5RnIg&s=19

HE'S SICK!!!!!! A SICK MAN!!!!! WITH THE ILLNESS OF QUEER-CODING!!!!!!!!!!!!

[inseparabiles]

I know damn well when Geta threw his drink in Caracalla’s face it felt like a hard slap. He has the hands of a parent that would use a slipper to discipline. Especially when their parents came from Libya and Syria. That stuff runs in the family.

Sorry this is going to be a 50 000 word essay and also a biography about me the author but

I genuinely don't think he intended to throw it at Caracalla at all, I think it is meant for Dondus, the issue with this situation being that Dondus is seated on Caracalla's shoulder and therefore throwing a drink at Dondus means throwing it at Caracalla.

It's obviously because of Caracalla - Geta snaps when, despite holding his shit together at the brink of a full-blown spiral and trying to both manage the situation and calm his brother who really isn't helping, Caracalla outright lays the blame on him for what's happening. As if Caracalla hadn't made the same choice that Geta ultimately committed to (thanks to Macrinus) and enjoyed it to the full, but Caracalla can never do a thing wrong, and if something does go wrong, that's Geta's fault. Geta's supposed to keep them safe and make things go smoothly and protect them, and Geta's clearly failed to do that, and now they're facing an actual uprising on the streets that's directly threatening their lives.

I don't know if this scene is relatable to people who don't have sensory processing issues and this is always as embarrassing to admit to, but I've unfortunately been Geta approximately 10 000 times in my life. Three or more things are happening at once: an immediate stressful overarching situation, somebody yapping shit in my ear, and then add in an extra like maybe there's 15 discord notifications back to back or my cat starts meowing because he hears people talking and wants food and comes bump his stupid face to my leg repeatedly. I've thrown things. I've ran (blind, not comprehending what the shit is even happening) to hide under desks. I've slammed doors, I've had idiotic meltdowns that start with an attempt at shouting but are incomprehensible because my mouth refuses to form words and my brain stopped working. I'm prone to these because I'm autistic and I don't really... have good coping mechanisms for my meltdowns? But anyone can hit a wall with processing, and these situations trigger fight/flight/freeze like nothing else. It's basically one of the few things that actually does get fight out of me - I mostly freeze under most stressors, but fuck me if there's noise and stress and some kind of sensation at the same time, and unoptimal circumstances like bright lights or music blaring in the background, I black the fuck out and whatever the shit happens next is the same thing that people do when faced with acute danger like something falling onto them or grabbing them from behind or coming at them with a weapon drawn. The best I can do, which is pretty much what Geta is also doing, is focus my control on minimising damage because the last remaining shreds of my sanity are FULLY AWARE I'm about to exert force well beyond reasonable reaction: don't throw the fucking glass, throw the wine in it. For me, this has meant throwing the nearest object away from my target rather than at the target, or choosing to hurt myself instead of whatever the fuck is the primary threat present, or any other nonsensical and unoptimal last-minute 180 from the reaction that is inevitably coming whether I stand by it or not.

So in this scene - processing the situation beyond locating the immediate threat (Dondus chirping alarmedly while Geta's trying to handle these 15 other stressors and now his fucking twin is being UNBEARABLE) and trying to resort to non-lethal force (wine not glass) is just about the best I could ask of Geta. I've been there SO many times and this is the saddest handshake I have with him the whole movie because it's like... yeah, me too. And before this scene, I didn't realise how foreign this is to most people. Now I'm just surprised it's in the movie. So many people have somehow gone through their whole lives without entering a primal survival state once and like. Wow. Incomprehensible to me

Geta freezing in response to his reaction is also extremely familiar to me. 18 years ago, I had one of these situations happen under unbearable circumstances - I was told I was going to be locked away in a group home against my consent for a full year, when I'd barely made it through two months in there. I don't remember what triggered the actual reaction then, but as per usual, it was something to do with my mum not knowing when to step away to let me equalise on my own, probably because I was very much perceived to be a threat to myself in that state but nevertheless not allowed the means to stabilise from that, so I threw my comfort object at a wall. It's been 18 years and I still remember the abject horror I felt immediately when it hit, because that portable CD player was my lifeline. It was literally in that situation what was keeping my shattered sanity together and I fucking. I nuked it. It was what I happened to be holding so I threw it at a wall as hard as I could because that was my 180 from doing whatever it had been that was the worse out of the options. It wasn't intentional. I regretted it right away. I wanted to take it back. It made my life infinitely worse. I felt like I'd killed my only friend. But you can't take that back and just like I couldn't un-nuke my CD player, Geta can't just unthrow the wine at Caracalla, or Dondus for that matter.

But the situation that Geta creates by having that reaction, which I fully don't believe he had any real control over at that moment, has life-altering consequences even though the harm it caused was minimal. It would have been bad enough if he'd just hit Dondus, because Dondus seems to be some kind of a proxy for Caracalla's... everything: he doesn't seem to really process Dondus as an external being or a monkey for that matter, but a side of himself, all the good in him that must be protected, the child that he was that couldn't be saved, that he's stored in this animal who reminds him of it in an idealised and comprehensible manner and that is under his control and that he can show unconditional love to because Dondus is unconditional to him.

(As a side, I can't help but think about how utterly it would have broken Caracalla's remaining humanity to live long enough for Dondus to grow up. Dondus is a baby; as babies, monkeys are like innocent children. As teenagers, they get testy the exact same way people get, they test their boundaries and they get bored, but because they're not people, they can't be reasoned with. Caracalla is not a zookeeper or any kind of an animal scientist, and nobody in ancient Rome understood an animal's recreational and enrichment needs. Dondus would have become an unmanageable monster to him very quickly in the conditions that he's kept in, and this perceived abandonment and betrayal would have destroyed Caracalla in ways that honestly terrify me. But I digress. Severely.)

Just as Macrinus gets through to Caracalla by presenting imaginary threats to Dondus, Geta has already done something which has destroyed the trust between them by directly attacking Dondus specifically. It doesn't matter if the wine hit Dondus or Caracalla or if they'd been on the different sides of the room and Geta had cast the wine at one of them only, it would have hit both. And I think Geta knows this.

With that out of the way? You're also not wrong. This scene is so much about their father and their childhood, and I (SCREECHING BECAUSE I HAVE NO WORDS STRONG ENOUGH TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I) hate the fact that in the final cut, the thread that brings this together is cut, which is Geta's recalling of how he would put himself between their father's rages and Caracalla and endure the beatings for him. The reason Caracalla can be as bratty and insufferable with Geta is because they had that trust. Because Geta would not hurt him, or retaliate. Except that he does, suddenly. To Caracalla, who enters a regressive dissociative state from the trigger, Geta has just shown that he is not his protector - he's a threat, he is their father, he is capable and willing to resort to physical violence to regain control, and he will punish Caracalla specifically for either his insolence and disobedience or for his own mistakes. Geta has broken his own promise of always being Caracalla's safety; another reason why Macrinus is so successful in convincing Caracalla that Geta intends to blame him for everything that happened, even though Geta showed no real intent to do anything like it.

Meanwhile, Geta himself is recognising that he is his father's son, after all. He is, suddenly, in his own body, the man who broke them. He is very much now, in the midst of everything else, trying to come to terms with his own capacity for violent retribution - and just as Caracalla, trying to wrap his head around the fact that he did resort to violence against him, even if he didn't intend to. Is that how it felt like for their father? Is he no better than him? And why, why did it feel the way that it did?

And, maybe, also why he even bothers. Would it not be easier this way? Caracalla's not getting better. He's just getting worse no matter what Geta does, no matter what he sacrifices, no matter how much he endures. He can't control Caracalla any more than he can control Rome, not through the means that he's been applying. Not through love, not through gentleness. Is it worth it? Would he not do better on his own? Would it not resolve this, if...?

I don't at any point believe that Geta actually wants to harm his brother. But I fully believe that being the sole support network and full-time caretaker to the only person you love and who loves you in return in life, who is chronically and terminally ill, is a job that no emperor should be tasked with alone while he's also trying to navigate ruling a goddamn fucking empire. This happens to people all of the time in real life: a loved one gets sick, so you become their caretaker. You get no sufficient support from your circumstances and burn out, and your love becomes resentment, your affection hate, your patience a readiness to lash out because you are at your wit's end and there's nothing left to give in there. People, real people, spouses and daughters and sons and sisters and brothers end up horribly abusing the vulnerable person they used to love and still do love more than anything and whom they wanted to care for because it's too much and there's no end and it is hour in and hour out dedication to someone who no longer shows you the tiniest bit of gratitude. Someone whose mind's gone, or who is always angry at you because of their own pain, and you don't even fucking remember what you loved them for anymore. You just wish they were dead already. Wish it was over. Wish it stopped. Not because you hate them, but because it's unbearable, and you're only one person.

No one else is helping Geta with Caracalla. Nobody else can even touch him. Without prompting, Geta tells that to Macrinus; "every day it gets worse."

And, at the end of the day, they are their father's sons. Both of them are. Both of them have been taught that violence is a conflict resolution. That violence is the means of regaining control over any situation: on the global stage, but also privately. The only love and gentleness they ever learned was with each other, and nothing reinforced this. In this moment, they must both be questioning whether it was ever real to begin with, or if they were just playing a game that has now ended.

[sha-brytols]

your tme blogging made me think, was sera's whole "elves too elfy 😡" thing viewed similarly as solas's/felassan's disdain towards dalish (by the writers that is)? like was the vibe in the writing room "yeah the dalish are stupid and that's why we've got several characters critiquing them"

(not a sera hate post)

i literally could not tell you because bioware also hates women so much they made her out to be a hysterical babychild for everything she said like just by default

[a-sound-sol]

Hi, I hope you are well

I would like to request a scenario with the League of Villains with a reader who is also part of the league but is an inactive member due to a terminal illness, perhaps the reader is an important piece to All for One's plan

(can you add afo too?)

Is it possible to write something platonic? Just how they treat the Reader there and reader's condition, feel free to modify and thank you 😋

Terminally ill Reader Headcanons!

ft. LoV , platonic

background: your quirk is whatever you want, but the drawback to using it means your illness accelerates. thanks for the idea!!!

Shigaraki

recognizes your fragility and requests that you become inactive - it becomes a point of tension for the two of you.

he really just doesn't want you to be in danger, but you can't help but fight him on it. you still wanna help the only family you've known.

he works out a deal with AFO (keep reading) in order to keep you alive and in the league.

he's the last person to say goodbye when he leaves on missions - he just likes to be alone with you a minute longer. he takes what he can get when it comes to time with you.

Dabi

he wants you out of the league. he actually is the one who chose you to join, seeing how sad you were out on the streets.

but he grew to care for you more than he wants to admit, and he can't handle seeing you be hurt

he can't help but feel guilty for bringing you in, but he still takes care of you in ways he feels he can (bringing you food, helping you change any bandages, etc)

if anyone was going to find a way to keep you breathing, it's him.

Toga

she does blood transfusions for you relatively often! she has no issue doing so either.

when it comes to protecting you, she's a little feral about it. but you were the first friend she made in the League, and you're special to her because of that.

she's been known to drink your blood and use your quirk so that you don't have to, and luckily the side effects don't hurt her, but she can't hold the form for long.

When she's home visiting with you, she helps you change and brushes your hair while telling you stories

Twice

he actually cannot believe it when you start getting sicker. he cries and rages over it

he's the first to pull a blanket over your lap and bring you some juice before walking away because he knows if he stays too long he'll get more attached (he's already attached)

you're his favorite league member besides toga. you three are a trio.

he buys you ice cream even though he knows you need better food than that (he doesn't care, it makes you smile)

Spinner

he's going to be your support system best he can! he always offers to take you to treatments

tells you you're going to be okay even when you're getting put on machines and having tubes attached to you. he stays.

he will ensure your days are always enjoyed, even if you only laugh a little (aka he says dumb jokes to make you smile)

if you go, a little bit of him goes too.

Kurogiri

he will take you to every appointment, and will make sure all doctors know exactly how to care for your condition

monitors your heartrate, the way it beats, and lets the other members know when it's irregular (this happens when you see _____ (insert your fav LoV member)).

he's not great at comforting, but he is good at keeping you company. you never feel alone because Kuro is always there for you.

Mr. Compress

this man will pretend like you being sick doesn't affect him. oh it DOES!

you're a dear friend to him, always wanting to hear his stories and watch his newest tricks

so, when he finds out about your sickness, he doesn't let you know how much it hurts him to know that you've been hurting yourself to help all of them.

he doesn't treat you any differently, but he starts to value the time with you even more dearly. you're so close to his heart.

Magne

she will do anything to make sure you're going to get better

she's honestly a little in denial about your illness at first too

but she realizes the severity when she visits you at the hospital once, and she breaks down and cries

she holds your hand and tells you how you still have that kind look in your eyes

AFO

he's really good at pretending he cares, and that's just what he does.

he knew that you would become terminal with the use of your quirk, and he knew the rest of the League would love you.

that's why he kept you around, anyways. he wanted the emotional leverage over the rest of the League.

he's the one who gave you that quirk, after all. your poor parents didn't think they had a choice.

but you don't know about that.

he lets you live without knowing you're a pawn in his game.

[deathstrokemypussy]

you should find a nice rope and hang yourself. no one gonna miss a pedophile fan pedophile.

might’ve gotten a teensy bit distracted in between step 1 and step 2 but! there is rope and someone is DEFINITELY hung

[ultrakill-confessions]

oh my GOD i'm so gay for the cerberi,,, their new model is so pretty...

-terminal anon

-

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - July 17

freshman anon, terminal anon, karma anon (new), fake dating anon (new), midnights anon (x2)

freshman anon

hey cas! im a sophomore and I have a crush on a junior in my school (all girls). up until a few weeks ago I called myself a bisexual but i GUESS this is kind of influenced by ginny and georgia but HEAR ME OUT. abby is queer right? but she doesn't go into the whole coming out thing and she just wants it to be....normal in a sense? like there was no "omg you're gay????" questions from tris and all that and i feel like that's something I want? like if i were to like a guy it would be normal but I just. i hate the whole "YOU'RE GAY?" conversation that comes with telling people I like a girl. like yes, i do. what about it. except i didn't realise how to express it so i kind of just ended up telling my friends I was straight (yikes) but like the ones who REALLY matter know that i still like this girl and kind of want to be...unlabelled. and also like. conan gray. he's my ALL TIME FAVOURITE singer and he's queer. i guess. right? like atleast wishbone is EXTREMELY queer coded. and once again. no labels. it just seems so. stress free. no pressure. and im fine with most people knowing that I'm straight, i think everyone knew I dated my ex but I'm more than happy by saying we didn't or that it was a phase. i was talking to my best friend during my "i think I'm straight" period and she was so confused (she is a lesbian for context). she didn't understand WHY i suddenly wanted to pretend to be straight because queerness is something extremely important to her and I get that. she asked me what made me me and I said my empathy but she said her queerness makes her her. and that's great for her. genuinely. but i personally just don't want to be defined by my queerness. one of my friends is like basically secretly homophobic so I want to appear straight. especially to her. and I've put myself in such a bubble that. if anyone calls me gay or smth, i get UNCOMFORTABLE. i thought it was internalized homophobia but I guess it's not because I'm OKAY with liking a girl. just not with a lot of ppl knowing it. and anyway said girl. she's so confusing. for a little bit of context - i used to go by freshman anon but now I'm a sophomore lmaoao so I guess you might get context from my old rants? i don't even remember honestly what I wrote and i really really don't wanna go revisit that. but uhm it's been like 10 months? of liking her? and i keep trying not to but yk the part in sailors song? "maybe ive tried other things but nothing can capture the sting" exactly. uhm. so she's allegedly straight? except she's also allegedly not? she tells some people she's queer and some that she's straight and allegedly somewhere along the lines she's had a "bi phase" as well but whatever, she's not into dating rn. and, neither am i because I have board exams in feb-march 2026. (very stressful exams for indian students). but uhm she keeps being. sus. like. she does things. that aren't. a 100% platonic. and like i have shit memory so i don't even remember- but the most recent ones i guess would be sending me voice messages when she hates doing that, calling me when she hates doing that, HUGGING ME which she hates doing that and doesn't even hug a very very close friend of hers. idk. lolz. the only reason id confess to her is to get over it all but I don't wanna risk losing her but acc to our common friend i won't LOSE HER bc she won't let the friendship go but I fear i might? if it makes sense? like i also have this weird intrusive thought of just. confessing to her in a letter and just ghosting her and blocking her everywhere? but then again she would hunt me down in school. and again, our friendship.

so yeah. i really don't know what to do. so sorry for all this

Hi!

I hope you don't mind, I kept your name just because I keep a list of links to everyones asks so I don't want to lose your old ones.

Okay so as far as labels...you have a right to call yourself whatever feels comfortable and right to you. You also don't OWE anyone a label or OWE anyone a coming out. If you feel comfortable telling people you're straight, there's nothing wrong with it. Also, being unlabelled (like conan, yes) is perfectly acceptable! You should do what feels right for YOU, and yu don't have to make being queer a big thing of you don't want to (but it's also okay to make it a big thing, like your friend does)

As far as telling this girl...I mean could you start by telling her about some of these struggles with labels? Maybe she can relate and while you talk, you can get some insight into whether or not she could be interested in your gender, you know? But DONT ghost her, that's not going to help anything lol

Sending love <3

PS. thanks for americanizing...I've gained a lot of knowledge about how different countries do things based on these asks, but it does make it a bit easier.

__

terminal anon

Hi <3

I am so, so sorry <3 There's no words to say how awful that is. I read some of the articles though and you're right, she's very inspiring. She seems like a wonderful person. I'm sending you and everyone who knew her so much love.

You're also welcome to tell me as much about her as you want, I'm happy to listen.

__

karma anon

My life is officially a shit show. Ur girl... (readacted)

Okay so I'm going to guess that nobody knows about this? Hon, you need some help <3 I'm saying this is a very loving, non-judgmental way, but you're doing the opposite of what you need! Cutting everyone off? No, you need to talk to someone! And of course, you can ALWAYS send me inboxes, but are you able to talk to a doctor or therapist? If not, a family member or another adult you trust? You don't deserve to feel like this, you deserve to be happy <3

___

fake dating anon

I just think this is so funny. I have two friends that are kinda like? Lowkey fake dating me?

So my one friend used it bc she didnt want to do something and she said to her friend like "oh no i cant i have a gf" and then her friend was like "is it the girl on ur lockscreen" (apparently it was a photo of us) and she was liek yeah bc she couldnt think of anything else

And then my OTHER friend her mom just thinks we're dating and shes not denying it.

The BEST part of all of this. I am aromantic and there is no world where i would be dating ANYONE so this is all just fucking hilarious to me.

Oh and theyre both planning fake break ups with me

hahaha I mean as long as you're okay with it, this is funny too. Might as well help them out, right? Just make sure nobody thinks you're cheating on them or something!

__

midnights anon

Hello! It’s midnights anon again

(This is a very long one, and I feel like I might be being unreasonable/a bit stupid but I’m not sure, and I’m sorry for being a downer, you’re a very kind person to be listening to all of this 🫶)

So I’ve been trying to make a list of boundaries/rules for myself to help myself feel grounded and less disassociated (like, not wearing my headphones 24/7, having time to stare outside, staring at my plants to like, take in all the textures and things, etc.,) and they’ve helped a ton! However I find myself still doing the things that make me disassociate, and so I tried being my own therapist and examining why I do things, and it’s because I don’t feel safe at home.

Like, emotionally and mentally. Not often physically, but I guess it could count?

My dad is always stressing me out. He’ll give me “assignments” like, recommending a musical artist or something, or author, and since it’s summer I have plenty of time, right? Right! He’s always saying “later this summer” about things I actually care about to put them off (like learning my state’s train system since I have an unlimited free student pass, learning to drive, etc.) but when it comes to things he cares about? He gets agitated. I’ll be doing the dishes or something and he’ll be all huffy and talk angrily about how i “REALLY should JUST PLEASE listen to the music artist.” And he “just want to be able to TALK to my daughter…” and scoff. And he’ll constantly be pressuring me, saying I HAVE to read this book and I HAVE to feel this way about my “black identity” because everyone else is wrong about it, and I HAVE to watch this movie but I have to want to watch it and he’ll be upset if I don’t but won’t let me watch it if I say I will???

I have to want to watch it so when he asks and I say I’m “not that interested” after seeing the trailer he starts grilling me about “what specifically don’t I like???” Even though I don’t dislike it. And when I offer a different movie he says “NO we’re watching this movie” and when I say ok he says “NO I’m not going to force it onto you”. The way he asks feels like those TikTok’s where someone rejects someone else’s offer for a date and the person who got rejected keeps saying “why?? Tell me why, rate me on a scale of 1-10. Why? Why??”

So whenever I’m around him I don’t really enjoy the things he’s showing me or the things we’re doing, I just try to make up something to say whenever he wants to talk at me as we watch things about his interest. Like the Barbie’s from the Barbie movie listening to the Ken’s.

It feels hard to articulate how scary it feels to be around him, when it feels everything he’s doing it to make me an “elegant lady” who has “real taste” and is “an expensive date” because he believes that (quite literally) “heterosexual monogamy is under attack and ‘they’ want to cancel him”. He’ll be tolerable one moment, kind the next, and then yell at me when I sweep the floor.

And my mom’s not much better. It’s much of the same but I think she struggles with internalized misogyny? Like, she’ll watch videos and talk about “all these modern women being bullies to men” and “how the male loneliness epidemic is from women not being polite to men and never given them a place to hit on them”. She also struggles with eating and has body dysphoria, so she’s always “intermittent fasting”. She skips lunch and dinner a lot, and sometimes even breakfast? Whenever it’s brought up my dad just reinforces the idea that we all have to eat as little as possible.

When I’m around them I flinch and get flashbacks to when I’m a bit too myself. When I’m not masking hard enough to be a normal person. When I’m showing negative emotions, like confusion, or annoyance, or sadness. Whenever they yet and hit things (not me) and scare me into loving them because I “need to show respect”.

There’s more but that’s the general gist.

I just dont feel safe. I don’t have a support system emotionally. My goal this summer was to make 2 real friends outside of school, and summers not over yet but I’m just feeling really trapped and alone. Like, whenever a teacher or doctor asks “do o feel safe at home” what am I meant to say??? My upper middle class parents who get me things and a nice education are mean sometimes? No one would care, and my parents would be livid.

I’d love to not disassociate, to take out my headphones and listen to my music on vinyl and watch videos and movies without headphones, and read, and be productive because it feels good to do things I know need to be done, and spend less time in the bathroom because it’s the only place they won’t barge in and tell me to do something and touch me and hold me when I just want to be left alone.

But if I do I’ll be even more vulnerable to the things they do that hurt my feelings.

I just want to move out already 😞

Thank you, again, so so much for reading

Hi!

Yeah I think this is so hard because yes, your body is safe, but sometimes you feel like your thoughts aren't safe or something? I used to feel like that ALL THE TIME at home, and it's so hard to describe. (I also used to, and still do, dissociate a lot).

I mean...dissociation isn't a great coping mechanism in general, but can you work on not dissociating in SAFE situations? Like when you're alone, for instance? I wish I could tell you it's simple, that telling an adult about how your parents act will make it stop, but you're right, it's not like that. I wish there were like...required parenting classes for parents like that...but there's not.

So until you're old enough to move out, could you work on those strategies (taking in textures, touching plants) during the safer times in your day?

Sending love!

__

Midnights anon

Midnights anon again, and I figured the list of things I want to do/do to help my mental health could maybe be a helpful list for anyone who sees this? It might be pretentious to assume people would want to read so feel free to ignore this one, but here’s the list!

Rhythms and cycles are really cool, so adding cycles into my day (like turning on dark mode/night shift on my phone for the sunrise and sunset feels really good)

Plants!! No matter my mood I get so happy when I see my plants have grown even an inch. Learning to how take care of something else and developing an intuition for its needs helps me find my own. (For example, I learned that my plants prefer being watered from empty jars and wine bottles! I’m not sure why but it works I suppose)

I curated a Pinterest board? I’m not sure the logic but a lot of good mental health advice and artistic advice and edits are on Pinterest. I made one of aesthetics and mental health videos that i really like. I’ve started a lot of good habits from what I learned from it!

Oversizing and compression. When I feel like getting a hug or physical reassurance but don’t want to be touched by someone, I put on a really oversized hoodie and a binder so I feel hugged from my binder, and safe from the hoodie

Find things outside of the internet to be obsessed over. I love love love being obsessed with things (the marauders, cartoons, etc.) but sometimes it hits different when what I’m obsessing over is like, outside of a community space. When watching Amphibia or Marauders edits, for example, I know there’s a tumblr community for it. But reading a random book that no one i know can relate to makes it feel like my own thing. Like, a piece of my personality I have to process with my own head as an echo chamber. (My current obsessions are hands (they can do anything! Magic tricks, crochet, guitar, etc,), The Sea The Sea by Iris Murdoch, and spoken poetry (especially the idea of Iliad and Odyssey being spoken in Ancient Greece about an even more ancient Mycenaean Greece)

Outside! Looking outside is just so good, and entertaining. I once saw a gang of birds steal cheezits from another bird and all but one left, and the original bird with the cheezits started arguing with the other bird that stayed and they flew into a tree which chirping angrily at eachother. I also saw a pair of older, very hyper rabbits chase eachother while a very tiny rabbit got spooked by a tiny squirrel. I get so excited when I see outside and it’s a very nice feeling to have

Feeling home. I’m very privileged to have a body that does all the things I need it to do, and so connecting my mind with it, and feeling at home in the thing I will live in forever is something that feel really important. I love in this body!! I am a mammal!! I eat and move and sleep and make sounds!! Having a life can feel daunting, but for me the sensations of breathing, or being in water, or touching things, the act of being, feels very pleasant when I remember to focus on it

I think there might be more but yeah! Also a poem I recommend that encapsulates what I’m trying to say is “The Orange” by Wendy Cope.

Sorry for another ask and thank you for reading! 🫶✨

Not pretentious at all! I love this!! These are some great ideas!

[sth-askverse]

Well, Sonic, it seems like Shadow would rather have cuddles than violence.

Violence...? Is that why he didn't tell me? He thought I'd... I may... let my temper get the better of me, but, we spar with one another over small things all the time. Things like this... I'd never...

*Shadow is in a tight crouch by the fire, arms wrapped around his knees and staring into the flames. Sonic lifts his head to read the ask, then turns his eyes back to Shadow. The hybrid was usually so stoic and untouchable, but lately, in the past few years, he had become... softer, around Sonic. More open. It had been... scary, at first, but... The hybrid looked torn and on edge. Sonic chuffs softly.*

... What?

*Another chuff, this one lower. Sonic turns so he is in a reclined position and moves his tail out of the way, a clear offer to lie against his side.*

... You... confuse me, hedgehog... If you're sure?

*Sonic whines lowly, and Shadow moves to stand from his crouch. His hesitation makes Sonic whine again, and then the hybrid is moving forward.*

... Did you really believe I'd hurt you like this, even if I knew it was you? Did you really think I wouldn't recognize you, no matter the form you take? ... Idiot hedgehog...

First | < Previous - Next >

[chellodello]

I would love to see your take on "Understand My Ship In Five Minutes" with ZADR ^_^

Because of the Zimvoid, I like to think we have a 'citadel of ricks' type situation where everyone's interpretation of them is just as canon as all the others. I lovingly refer to mine as Zim and Dib FZ-109. (F because the Florpus Keikaku happened in their world, Z because Zim get taken into the Zimvoid, and 109 because that was his rank amongst the Zims.)

Because of all that they're a bit more codependent than other versions of them, who have moved past fighting each other over earth to mostly bickering and fucking around on space adventures.

[blackfilmmakers]

Again, chronically online behavior. I’m saying this because I think you deserve compassion. You need help and I say that with love. How do you get “happy tap dancing negro” from being told “hey, accusing people of emerging from the womb unsalvageably racist is bad”? How do you hear racists telling you “we don’t like black people and think they’re mean and aggressive” and think the appropriate response to that is to say, “well, to show you not to think that, I’m going to be mean and aggressive harder”? Do you think about how that makes you and the people around you look? Because things like bullying a teen to suicide because you didn’t like words that were being said undoes the hard work the people around you do to prove themselves worthy of respect. If she didn’t really do it, then that’s a problem to address if she resurfaces, but to my knowledge she hasn’t done that. Until she does, none of us have any clue what’s going on on the other end of the screen and that attitude of caution should be carried into any interaction with someone online. What matters right now is that no matter what she ended up doing you still put that intent out into the world and you were proud of it. I don’t think there’s any part of you that thinks that’s really a good thing, I think you most likely are a good person who’s deeply hurt, and you have every right to be. That doesn’t give you the right to determine the value of a stranger’s life. Please give yourself a moment to breathe and think. I don’t know you, but I know that this isn’t good for anyone, and you are worth caring about. Please, please, talk to someone.

You understand you pulled a respectability politics here right? Go read some Malcolm X quotes this BHM, which is every month, maybe you’ll calm down

[fraternum-momentum]

I got so used to your posts that my brain convinced me frambling is an actual word 😭

WAHAJQHQHAHAAH2QI OH MY GOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[deathstrokemypussy]

for the ask game, 23?

Character Ask Game

Q: 23. Favorite picture of this character?

oooohhhhh Broseph I have so many I cannot pick just one(i am an indecisive bitch ok i’m sorry) Here have some top picks from my dragons hoard of Deathstroke images.

He’s a tall drink of water and I just love MOISTURE

(also the bulge in the third pic😩)

Love when he brings out his toys

gotta put his panties on

These…. these speak for themselves.

(tie that man up!��🏼)

this how i feel rn

[ultrakill-confessions]

terminal x swordsmachine thankyou for coming to my Ted Talk. swordsmachine builds terminal a body so they can be less bored all the time. they go on Ad Ven Tures. i forgot if i already left an ask about this or not. -Terminal Anon

-