#the duality of nature both perplexes me and fascinates me

[tansdiary]

my mind is both a home and a horror house.

—january three, twenty twenty five

[landsofaruin]

Lusei, God of the Sun and Moon

"In Lusei's realm, the sun reigns high, Masculine brilliance fills the sky. Golden rays caress the earth below, A fiery dance, a radiant glow.Yet as the world turns, and dusk draws near, Feminine Lusei, the moon, appears. Silvery beams in the velvet night, A gentle touch, a tranquil light. Masculine might and feminine grace, In Lusei's dance, they find their place. Eternal cycle, a celestial embrace, No boundaries set, no defined space. For Lusei knows no bounds or chains, In one's fluidity, the cosmos reigns. Masculine and feminine, entwined in flight,Lusei's devoted, in day and night. In Lusei's realm, where light meets dark, We embrace the change, shining bright as we embark. A cosmic journey, without constraint, In Luminari's heart, the skies many paints." "Devotion of the Heart" Luminari Selene, 50 BI

"On a journey to deepen my connection with the divine, I ventured beyond the familiar confines of our temple into the Mountains of the Akrian region the home of Lusei the Goddess of the Sun and Moon, only to stumble upon a gathering that both fascinated and horrified me in equal measure. It was a ritual conducted by the Veratatum of Lusei,the Luminari, a sect I knew to be unorthodox, but I was wholly unprepared for what I witnessed. In a secluded clearing, illuminated by a sacred fire that danced with colors unseen and unfathomable, the Veratatum moved with a grace and conviction that seemed almost otherworldly. They wore garments that defied the traditional binary of male and female, reflecting the dual nature of Lusei as both sun and moon, masculine and feminine. The sight was as perplexing as it was entrancing. They invoked Lusei in a manner that transcended all teachings I had encountered. Their chants celebrated the sun's fierce radiance and the moon's gentle luminance, acknowledging the fluidity between these binary forces in a ritualistic expression of unity and balance. The sacred fire at the center of their circle mirrored this duality, changing hues from the fiercest golds to the softest silvers, captivating my senses and challenging my preconceptions. I must confess, my initial revulsion gave way to a reluctant intrigue as I observed their initiation rite. The aspirants stepped into the flame, not with trepidation but with an embrace, as if to undergo a transformation far deeper than the physical. It was an affirmation of their identity and devotion to Lusei, signifying a rebirth that transcended the constraints of the flesh and the societal norms that bind it. This encounter has left me deeply conflicted. As a Hierophant, I have devoted my life to the teachings of the Hieronian faith, yet the Veratatum of Lusei challenge the very foundation of these beliefs. They embrace a conception of divinity that is fluid and all-encompassing, rejecting the rigid structures that have long defined our worship. Their ritual symbolizes a connection to the divine that defies the orthodox practices of our temples. It is a tangible expression of their belief in our gods divinity that transcends gender in this portion of Aldine, a divinity that is both and neither, ever-changing like the phases of the moon and the cycles of the sun. As I reflect upon this experience, I am left with more questions than answers. The practices I witnessed, though radical and taboo, speak to a profound understanding of the divine that I cannot simply dismiss." "Seeking the Gods: a codex about the Vertatum, ascetics of the Gods" Hierophant Lex, 130 PI

[theinquisitivej]

SteamHeart Episode 14 Reactions

Chapter Fourteen: Forgotten Places

You can listen to the full episode here.

We return to SteamHeart, which has now begun its journey proper. Even after four days of travel, James does not think he’s learned all there is to learn about this machine home he’s so fascinated with. His description of the mechanisms, the huge wheels, the experience of looking out the port holes when they go off-road and seeing the rolling landscape and skies of the countryside is enjoyably immersive. The interior of SteamHeart sounds like a home, being large enough to move around a lot, and has little pockets here and there where different members of the crew have taken to situating themselves, much like the different rooms you would find crew members in in the Normandy in the Mass Effect series. Abigail and Annie are often together in the mid-section, enjoying the chance to further develop their friendship which shows just how far they’ve come since their first days together when Abigail questioned Annie’s orders. Still, while I’m sure that Annie is genuinely enjoying the chance to rekindle her friendship with Abigail, she’s also likely staying close to her because of Arlington’s orders. The charge she has been given is a heavy weight on Annie’s shoulders, and I suspect she wants to make sure she gives everything she can to make sure she never has to kill Abigail, and if developing a sincere friendship and a deep level of trust can help her achieve that, I’m sure Annie will want to try her best to make that happen.

         The co-pilot seat is in regular rotation between Jeremy, Butler, and James, as it provides an excellent view of the land. Of course, Frank wants to be there to learn how to drive SteamHeart so he can occasionally relieve Harry of driving duty and give her a chance to rest. But Jeremy and James are both deeply inquisitive souls, so they would naturally be drawn to the place with the best view of unknown territory. I hope we get to see a conversation between the two of them at some point, as the dynamic would be fun to watch. Raven sticks to the rear carriage where he can write in a warm environment. Of the crew, he appears to be the least integrated into the group. I’m curious to see how this will develop. At night, the benches and seating can be modified into beds and hammocks, and, at first, the idea of sleeping in SteamHeart while listening to the natural night-time sounds of the landscape outside seems like a cosy and wonderful way to fall asleep. But then James points out that they’re always listening out for the call of a Wendigo, and you remember the treacherous dangers that they might still encounter here in the wilds. Another source of danger that James goes into is the people they encounter along the way. Some are merely curious, and the crew will wave at many of the people SteamHeart passes by in an effort to positively connect with the general public, one of the goals of their mission. But on two occasions, people have fired bullets at SteamHeart, and although they didn’t penetrate its armour and Butler & Annie were able to see them off without too much trouble or bloodshed on either end, it is nevertheless worrying. Hearing this feels like those random encounters you’d have in a roleplaying game on your way from one location to another – they break up the smoothness of the journey enough to emphasise that the world our characters inhabit is a dangerous place where just the act of traveling can be deadly if you’re not careful enough, but they’re not so calamitous or noteworthy that they prove to be much trouble to well-equipped and experienced adventurers. They make the journey a little more interesting, but they’re not significant enough that they’re worth spending a great amount of time on.

         Abigail is less keen on life inside SteamHeart. Her journal entry was written eleven days after their departure, a week after James’ which was written four days after departure. The rumbling, the claustrophobia (interesting that James says it’s big enough inside to run while Abigail conversely finds it too tight and stifling; I love the Yin & Yang duality of these two), and the excessive amount of waiting is wearing on her. The necessary stops SteamHeart takes to refuel means they aren’t exactly barrelling towards the Wind Door, which is making Abigail and Annie, who wants to get this done and get it done fast, anxious. It is the safest method of travel, however, and even Abigail doesn’t deny that.

         During their stops, they go out to scout and interact with the public, explaining their mission, handing out signed posters (Abigail’s idea, taking a leaf out of her own signed copy of The Cartographer’s Handbook), and doing everything they can to make a good impression. Sometimes, they’d spend the night in a town that was friendly to them and their cause, and Abigail would take the chance to sleep outdoors, away from the confines of SteamHeart. Of course, where Abigail goes Annie chooses to follow, not wanting to leave anything to chance. The stars make Abigail think of Lucy, and given her connection to the stars, I can see why. Also, interestingly, she thinks of Tabitha. Abigail got along very well with Tabitha for the short time they spent together, and I have to wonder if her interest in her is partly romantic. Anyway, we’re told that Abigail learned the same story about the Wolves and Annie’s past as we have heard over the course of SteamHeart, which catches the characters up to speed and also stresses their developing friendship, especially as Abigail reciprocated this by telling Annie about her past and the story we heard in Weirwood. The conversation eventually turns towards an aged, eccentric, yet perplexing storyteller named Old Ned, who Annie had met on the road in Arlington. The two of them agree that her description of the man matches Malloy, the old storyteller that they had encountered in Secret Rooms. This storyteller is one of the stranger unsolved mysteries of New Century, especially as he doesn’t seem to want anything other than to tell stories on the one or two occasions this character has showed up. Is that all he wants, or is there something more? I’m always down for enigmatic storyteller characters, so this mystery has its hooks in me.

         Abigail tells us of the abandoned areas that were once inhabited by human life. The narration paints a picture of nature slowly and surely, but not maliciously, taking over and covering these environments in a strange balance between an abundance of natural life and a ghostly sense of humans who suddenly stopped living here one day, and never came back to spend the rest of the lives they would have spent here. In one such environment, Abigail considers the vast quietness, wondering if the world really is seeing the last few days of humanity before they leave forever, and the planet will stay peaceful, quiet, and empty. It’s a frightening thought, and yet also strangely comforting to me. It makes me think that if the worst happens, if we ran out of time on Earth, then at least a beautiful serenity would cover the world. Even if I’m not around to experience it, that doesn’t sound too bad.

         We move on to a journal entry from Butler which details an excursion to the woods to hunt deer that he took with Abigail during one of SteamHeart’s frequent stops. He notices that Abigail is quieter and seems more contemplative than usual. He leaves her alone, however, as they continue to explore the woods. They come across a dead deer, and, upon close examination, Butler concludes that this was the work of a wolf. They resolve to find it and kill it, as Butler believes the wolf may have been infected with rabies, and given the dangers of a lethal infection that induces frantic behaviour spreading from animal to animal, he’s keen to stop this here and now. The parallel between a rabies-infected wolf and the Wendigos is not lost on the two of them. Abigail asks Butler if he really can’t leave it be and let the wolf die on its own, as no-one asked him to do this, and he knows this, but he simply answers that it’s there, whether he’s asked to deal with it or not. It’s simply not in Frank’s nature to leave things alone if something needs to be done about it. They set off again, this time on the lookout for wolves, and the music reflects the descent they’ve taken into this almost fairy-tale like ominous place; the dark woods where a savage wolf resides.

         As they study their surroundings, Butler reflects on the self-destructive nature of a rabid wolf, how it neglects looking after itself and simply lashes out at anything it can find. He comments that the Wendigo would’ve died out years ago if it was more like that, which leads to Abigail making the remark that they would both still have families if that were the case. The comment hangs in the air, until she asks Butler if he still thinks about the family he lost. This jabs at Butler, and he does not hide his frustration that she would even ask something like that. Abigail doesn’t backpedal however, as her body language communicates that, even after she’s seen that this very personal question has upset Butler, she still wants to hear his answer. Butler answers truthfully that he misses them, but he has to deal with what is, and not spend his life wondering what could have been. Abby tells him that she means no disrespect, and yet she continues along the thread of questions she’s started, wanting to know if he ever feels bad that he had to lose his family in order to have the life he now shares with Annie. Her recent thoughts about humanity being in its last days have put her in a profoundly reflective mood, so it rings true that Abby would be in a place where she’s starting to ask deep, probing questions not only to herself, but to others as well. But this is putting Butler on edge, making his emotions bubble over as he begins to lose his focus and starts to feel multiple doubts about going into these woods, taking Abigail with him, and how he’s generally been handling his duties on this mission up to this point.

         But before Butler can answer Abigail’s question, the wolf is on them, and they need to act fast. The two of them each land a shot on the creature, and, in the aftermath, Abigail apologises for being distracting and tells Butler she’ll back off. Butler thanks Abby for shooting when she did, as it most likely ended up saving his life. Butler is given a free pass to move on from their previous conversation, but when he realises that being lost in the past meant he didn’t sense the wolf approaching, he decides to confront the issue bothering him, helping him to re-centre himself and move forward. He admits to Abigail that he does feel some guilt, not only because he’ll always miss his lost family members and doesn’t want to feel like he’s left them behind, but also because he worries that him feeling this is betraying Annie in some way. He loves Annie so much that his life before he met her feels like a dream he woke up from. When Abby says she hopes she meets someone she can love as much as that “one day”, I have to wonder if her crooked smile is a bittersweet indication that she actually already has met someone like that, but she either doesn’t feel her love with as much certainty and intensity as Butler and Annie do, or she thinks that the people who could make her feel that way are lost to her now.

         The two are joined by a group of strangers, and now the uneasy atmosphere of the woods gets even worse as the two sides cautiously exchange words with one another. The strangers were also hunting the wolf, which had been killing their sheep. When Butler tests whether him and Abby killing it for them has put them on good enough terms for their two groups to do some trading, one of the men makes it plain that they aren’t welcome here. Butler appeals to their leader, requesting that they be permitted to stay the night if they promise to keep to themselves. The leader grants them this at least for killing the wolf, but he specifically instructs Butler and Abigail to take them, the rest of their group, and SteamHeart and leave in the morning. SteamHeart is already making people nervous, and while they were able to make it away from this encounter, who knows who else Team Steam will meet in the dark woods along their journey, and how they’ll react to the presence of this strange machine.

         In the epilogue, we’re informed that the group of strangers had families of their own which they returned to after this meeting, and that they kept their word and left SteamHeart alone. Nearby to where they lived, there is a graveyard. Not long before this encounter, the number of survivors in this settlement was equal to the number of graves. And now, “the living were in the minority”. Small populations of people like this are declining as they slowly die out – except, if this ratio changed in only a few days, it seems like it’s not happening so slowly, and is changing faster than anyone can control. Abigail’s concerns that we are seeing the last days of humanity is reflected in this epilogue.