#the only exception I’ll make is Renee and that’s final

[wherethemothsgrow]

I am so pro Jerejean, that I’m anti any other ship with the two of them. Sorry.

[of-twilight-and-moonshadow]

Always Have, Always Will - Roman x Reader

Taking a break from my Adam Cole x Reader series to input a Roman x Reader real quick.

Timeline is kinda wonky. It’s Heel!Champion!Roman during his battles with K.O but Renee is also still there interviewing (I dunno when she left for maternity leave, so *shrug* ) And it’s after Jey’s joined Roman, too. So… idk.

If you want to be added to tag list, let me know!

Y/F/N = Your first name Y/N/N = Your nickname (like, when I wrote this, it was Magnolia/Maggie)

Also— no hate meant towards Galina <3

Word Count: 3,010

TAGS @shedevil22 @amourseculier  @wwequeen-edits-blog @regalbanshee @wwequeensbeeblog

0o0o0o

Food in catering was always hit and miss. Sometimes they had really good choices—and then sometimes they sucked.

Tonight was one of those nights.

The plate in my hand only had two things currently on it, but I knew it wouldn’t be near enough for myself and Roman.

A soft smile graced my face as I thought of my boyfriend. We had known each other for a long time now, almost eight years. We had met back in FCW—I had been a valet for Seth. Roman was a sweet guy, charming—and very easy on the eyes; however I was still pretty young back then—and he had been in a relationship with Galina. Over the years, however, Roman and I had grown close—and the relationship with Galina had seemingly fizzled to nothing. At first, he had seemed hesitant to take our friendship to the next level—his flirtations uncertain. However, after many pep talks and un-solicited advice from both Seth and Dean, Roman had finally taken the chance.

That was three years ago.

The two of us had been through quite a bit in those years. Championship wins—championship losses; turmoil between friends (and brothers); injuries and illness; happy memories—sad memories; thousands of miles traveled together.

I wouldn’t change any second of it for anything in the world.

“Hey girl— you been smilin’ to yourself for a good couple minutes now,” Jey smirked as he slid up next to me, his eyes roaming the available food options,” Care to share?”

“Hey Jey,” I laughed,” Just… thinking. About the past couple years.”

“They been interesting, that’s for damn sure,” Jey agreed, picking up a wheat biscuit and turning it over in his hand before frowning and putting it back down.

“That it has,” I nodded, before noticing he was in his ‘ring gear’,” You got a match coming up?”

“Hmm? Oh, nah nah. I’ll just be watching Kev’s match later on… closely.”

“I see,” I chuckled,” Well, just be careful. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Aww- you do care about me,” Jey gently punched my upper arm,” I appreciate it though. I’m gonna get goin’. You watch yourself, ‘kay?”

“I will. Catch you later, Jey.”

He disappeared out of catering, leaving me once again to the poor excuses of food choices. I picked up the wheat biscuit that Jey had just toyed with, turning it over in my own hand before placing it on the plate as well. As my eyes roamed the table once again, I felt shivers run down my spine—instantly on alert. And apparently for good reason.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here? Roman got you fetching his food now, too? What a sexist punk.”

“What do you want, Kevin?” I rolled my eyes, wanting nothing more than for him to just leave me alone.

“Ease up princess. I just want to talk.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Reigns’ sour attitude is rubbing off on you—it doesn’t do you any favors. Makes you ugly—” Kevin frowned, his eyes roaming over me before grimacing,”—Rather, uglier.”

“You’re not going to accomplish anything—insulting me. Roman won’t fall for your childish—”

“Childish what–? Nothing childish here, except your little boyfriend,” Kevin interrupted as he crossed his arms.

My jaw twitched in frustration, refusing to look at him.

“What’s the matter princess? Pissed off?” Kevin asked,” Good! Maybe Roman will grow a pair and meet me out in the ring later tonight. Probably not.”

“Keep running your mouth—Roman will kick your ass. Again!”

With such an intensity that it took me by surprise, Kevin reached out and slapped the plate from my hands. The contents scattered across the floor as I looked to him in shock, my eyes wide.

If we were being perfectly honest—I felt fear as well.

Kevin pointed a finger in my face, his own red with anger,” Listen here, you little—”

“Back off the lady,” a strong Scottish voice demanded, as the tall Drew McIntyre suddenly came into view. He stood between myself and Kevin, looking down at the shorter man and glaring at him.

“What are you even doing here, McIntyre? You’re on Raw—not Smackdown. Go home—we don’t want you here,” Kevin sniped back.

“I was asked here by the General Manager,” Drew explained, crossing his arms in front of him,” Now—are we gonna have a problem ‘ere?”

I saw Kevin briefly glance around Drew towards me, before scoffing,” Nah- no problem. She’s more trouble than she’s worth. Word of advice though—don’t fall for her innocent act. Y/N– tell Roman I’ll be seeing him.”

With that, Kevin walked out of catering and disappeared down the hallway, as Drew turned and looked at me. As soon as his hazel eyes met my y/e/c- I quickly looked down. Seeing the food on the floor, I ducked down and began picking it up. I was barely aware of Drew kneeling down beside me until his larger hand was placed on one of my much smaller ones.

“You don’t have ta do that lass,” Drew told me softly.

“I-if I don’t… who will?”

“At least let me help ya then.”

“You don’t have to!” I insisted, looking up into his eyes.

“If I don’t, who will?” he asked, using my own words against me, a gentle smirk on his face. A few moments later, after most of the food had been picked back up and thrown in the garbage- I reached for another plate before Drew gently took my hand in his.

“Why are you doin’ this for him lass?”

“What do you mean?”

“Fetchin’ him food—he’s a grown ass man—”

“Yeah, he is. And I’m a grown ass woman,” I frowned, yanking my hand away from him,” I choose to get Roman food—he’s a busy man. A busy Champion—something I think you could relate to. Besides, the food’s not just for him, it’s for me too.”

“I’ve watched Smackdown lass—I’ve seen how he’s changed. That title’s changed him,” Drew told me, his voice soft,” You’re a smart girl, y/n/n. I don’t want to see ya get hurt.”

“I appreciate the concern, but it’s not needed. Roman has never hurt me—and he never will. I believe in him—I always have, always will.”

“Ya need someone that’ll love you the way you deserve,” Drew murmured, his eyes boring into mine,” Be careful with yourself, Love.”

With that, Drew walked off—leaving me standing in catering alone with only my thoughts.

Later that night, I was walking through the hallway backstage on my way to Roman’s locker room—stopping when I heard someone call out my name.

“Y/N/N—excuse me, Y/N/N—can I get a moment?” Turning around, I saw Renee and a cameraman quickly walking up towards me.

“Renee, I really don’t—”

“Just a small moment, I just want to get your thoughts on what happened earlier, between you and Kevin Owens.”

With a sigh, I crossed my arms in front of me,” Alright—but quick, please. I’ve gotta be somewhere.”

“Of course—how are you holding up after that altercation with Kevin Owens?”

“I’m fine—I mean, yeah, I’ll admit. I was a bit afraid of what Owens might do. There’s a lot of animosity between him and Roman right now. Owen’s will do anything to get under Roman’s skin—or, rather, try to.”

“Will Roman confront Kevin Owens for what he done earlier?”

“That’s exactly what Owens wants- which is exactly why Roman—”

The clearing of a throat interrupted what I was going to say. Looking over my shoulder, I instantly groaned in annoyance as I saw Paul Heyman slinking up to where Renee and I stood.

“What…. Do we have going on here?” Heyman asked, one arm supporting the other by the elbow, pointing with his other hand between us.

“Renee just had some questions about earlier—”

“Questions? So… she was interviewing you?” Heyman asked, clarifying the situation, before asking,” Did Roman approve of this little interview?”

“Well—I mean, no—but it’s just some questions about—” I began, before being interrupted once more.

“The Head of the Table will not be pleased about this—I assure you now,” Heyman sighed,” The last thing I want is for you to get into trouble with Roman, honestly. I like you Y/N/N—I really do. I respect the relationship you’ve held with Roman over the years.”

His blatant lies only irritated me further and all I wanted to do was slap him across the face. Several times. With a brick.

But I held back. He was helping Roman—and Roman kept him around for his own reasons. I had to respect that.

“That being said- any further questions that you have Renee—can be directed to me.”

“Well, I—I guess…” Renee hesitated,” Aside from the altercation with Kevin Owens, we saw that Drew McIntyre seemed to have some advice for you Y/N/N. What’s your thoughts on what he had to say?”

“Drew—” I began, before Heyman cut me off once again.

“Drew McIntyre has no business on Smackdown. This—is Roman Reigns’ yard. If he doesn’t want put in his place, then he’ll keep out of business that has nothing to do with him. Kevin Owens—he’ll get what’s coming to him, at the discretion of the Big Dog. Now, if that’s all.”

It was a question—even Renee could tell.

Heyman leaned towards me,” We… should go see Roman. He’ll want to talk to you about… this.”

Of course—he was going to spin this against me. Try and get Roman angry enough with me—to what? Break up with me? It was no secret among the rest of the locker room that Heyman and I didn’t like one another. Hell, even Roman knew how it was between Heyman and myself—but anytime we started bickering, a look from Roman instantly quieted us both.

Wordlessly, I followed Heyman through the backstage area for a few moments until we reached a door embellished with a golden plaque that read ‘Roman Reigns’.

Heyman gave a few quick knocks on the door, waiting for Roman to give the verbal okay to enter, before he ushered me into the room and closed the door behind him.

“Sir, I do hate to bring any bad news, especially when it concerns Y/N/N—”

Roman’s attention suddenly landed on us, as he looked up from the paper before him. His eyes were cold, calculating—but concerned, as well. Heyman probably didn’t see that part, even I barely caught it.

“—She was In the midst of an interview when I came upon her. Renee was asking her about an earlier altercation with Kevin Owens and the interaction with Drew McIntyre that followed. I understand that there is a relationship between the two of you, so I do believe that the punishment shouldn’t be so severe, not like with Jey. How—”

“Punishment?” I recoiled, glaring at Heyman as Roman leaned back in his chair,” Are you kidding me?! It was simple questions—about me. Nothing to do with Roman. I shouldn’t need approval for something like that. You honestly think that Roman will punish me for something so trivial?”

“Not only did you have an unapproved interview—but you and Drew McIntyre’s blatant flirtations backstage did not go unnoticed.”

“Flirtations?! He was making sure I was okay after Owen’s got up in my face! He was being a gentleman—nothing more!” I exclaimed, standing in Heyman’s face; I was livid, continuing,” Drew flirts—it’s what he does. It’s a European thing I guess—hell if I know. All you care about though, is yourself Heyman. If something doesn’t fit the picture you see—then you skew it and make it fit. You don’t care what lies you have to tell or what lives you have to ruin—but I’ll be damned it you come between—”

“Y/N/N.”

Roman’s deep voice interrupted me, causing me to glance away from Heyman for a second. I could tell Roman wasn’t happy—and there was a glint of something unfamiliar in his eyes.

“Paul,” Roman breathed out, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers,” Leave us for a bit.”

“Right, of course Sir. I’ll be right outside—”

“Take a walk.”

“Oh, uhm. Of course, Sir. As you wish.”

As he turned towards the door, I didn’t miss the smirk that tugged at his lips—and it only pissed me off more. Balling up my fist as I took a step towards him, I readied a strike—until—

“Y/F/N,” Roman’s stern voice rang through the room, making me freeze in place. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I clenched and unclenched my hand as the door closed, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.

“Why must you two always do that?” Roman asked, his slate gray eyes on me.

“I don’t like him—never have. Never will.”

“I know,” Roman gave a chuckle, his cold demeanor briefly disappearing. I looked over my shoulder and saw Roman smiling softly at me. He lifted his hand and motioned me over, patting his thigh for me to sit on.

I walked over and gently sat down, allowing him to pull my legs up into his lap as he wrapped an arm around them to secure me closer to his body. The warmth he radiated was always welcome—I tended to get cold easier than most. I rest my head against his shoulder and just took a moment to enjoy the quiet time alone with Roman.

“What’d Owens say earlier?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“Nothing- don’t worry—”

“Babygirl,” Roman shook his head, looking down towards me,” He comes at me—I can handle that, it don’t bother me. But he went at you—and that’s not okay with me.”

“He just—” I thought back to what had been said, realizing it wasn’t much after all,”—He said your sour attitude was rubbing off on me, that you wouldn’t grow a pair and meet him in the ring later. When I said you’d kick his ass again, he—he smashed the plate in my hands to the ground. Kinda took me by surprise. Makes me glad Drew did show up… I honestly don’t know what he would have done if Drew hadn’t happened by.”

“He got physical with you?” Roman demanded, sitting up straight and staring at me.

“Well, I mean—not really, he just—”

I felt like Roman was staring into my soul, and as I sighed deeply I just let the fight go.

“—Yes. He got physical with me.”

Instantly, Roman gently slid me off his lap and stood—beginning to pace near the desk. I could feel the anger radiating off of him.

“That son’f’bitch—I’m gonna kill him. Kick his ass and then kill him. He had no right going after you! This is between him and me! That little punk ass—”

As much as I adored his rambling sometime, I knew he was in a dark mindset, so I placed myself in front of him—cutting off his pacing. He looked down at me—but I knew he was looking right through me. Slowly, I placed my hands on his torso, bringing him back to earth.

“Ro.”

At the sound of my voice, he seemed to gather himself—focusing on me once again.

“Kick his ass all you want—but please, baby, don’t get in trouble. If they suspend you—or fire you? Then I’m here. All alone.”

“Can’t have that,” he murmured, pulling me closer to him in a tight hug.

“No, we can’t,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his back and holding him close.

It was times like these that I cherished most—because it reminded me that, despite the world seeing him as this cold, uncaring monster, he was still my Roman. My kind, loving—sometimes goofy—Samoan Prince Charming.

“What did McIntyre want?”

“Pretty much just making sure Owen’s didn’t try anything further, made sure I was okay,” I told Roman, pausing before adding,” He also warned me that I needed someone different. Someone that would love me the way I deserved to be.”

It was quiet for a moment, before I heard Roman whisper,” He’s right…”

I shook my head as much as I could against his chest,” No, he’s not. Nobody realizes the love that we truly share, Ro. No one sees you back here—moments like this? All they see is the uncaring, rough asshole that you are out there. They don’t realize—that you’re still the tender, caring, kind-hearted, loyal Big Dog you’ve always been. But I see it. Every day, when we wake up in the morning; when we’re in the car on the way to the arena; when it’s just you and I in here because you sent Heyman scurrying away on some ridiculous errand.”

He scoffed a bit, chucking,” Gotta get rid of him somehow.”

“And I’m so glad that you do,” I laughed, looking up at him, adding the most sincere tone I could,” I love you, Roman. Always have—always will.”

“I love you to, Baby girl. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me- no doubt.”

He leaned down at pressed a kiss to my forehead, before walking us over to the large reclining chair. He sat down first, then carefully pulled me down with him, holding me close as he could.

“What would the Head of the Table like?”

“Right now?” he asked me; I gave him a nod, so he continued, a loving twinkle in his eye,” Just sit here with me, Baby girl. Just… stay with me for a bit.”

“Anything for you, Ro,” I whispered, leaning my head in the crook of his neck and closing my eyes blissfully.

Times like this—I wouldn’t trade for nothing.

Times like this—I knew exactly where I belonged.

Right here, with Roman.

[perperam]

Do you have any Harlivy fic recommendations? Preferably something that is already completed?

OH I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

okay okay so quick little tangent fact !! I actually just finished my undergrad degree in "english literature analysis & writing" and reading fics is so fun bc I get to analyze them and break them down and if it's particularly well written the stars align and it's just UGH so good. 

ratings are: E (explicit) M (mature) T (teens and up) and G (everyone) anyways here is a HUGE list of my favorite fics to date, their stats/details/plots, reasonings as to why they're on the list to begin with, and a short analysis:

SHORT STORIES (less than 30k words)

for your convenience they’re in order of length bc I’m focusing on this super hard rn

KISS YOUR BEST FRIEND CHALLENGE (T)  STATS — 340 words, shenanigans, fluff PLOT — Harley, TikTok and general Social Media queen, decides to do the trending challenge to kiss your best friend. The best friend? Her roommate and the woman she’s been crushing on for fucking ever: Poison Ivy.

AM I TOO CLOSE? (CAUSE YOU FOLD INTO ME LIKE A HEART WITH A BEAT) (G) STATS — 839 words, fluff, shenanigans PLOT — Harley genuinely wasn’t looking for trouble, but it’s hard to just have a day out when you’re one of Gotham’s most wanted. Running into Ivy, she takes drastic measures (and her hoodie into the mix) to distract the police from looking in their direction.

I’M HOME (G) STATS — 892 words, domestic fluff PLOT — After a long and rough day at work, Ivy comes home to Harley. Relaying the details of her day, she basks in the comfort of her girlfriend, who provides gentle questions and is a phenomenal listener. General cuteness.

CONFLICT DIAMONDS (G) STATS — 990 words, wedding shenanigans, banter, humor PLOT — Batman and Renee Montoya respond to a break-in at a jewelry store, except even though the owner is duct-taped to the wall, it isn’t really a break-in; Harley’s just trying to shop for a ring for Ivy, and that’s difficult to do when the owner is screaming in the corner. Batman and Renee both pitch in to help pick something nice for Harley’s girl, resulting in hilarious banter.

OF COURSE (T) STATS — 1.1k words, hurt/comfort (kinda), harley quinn animated tv show centric PLOT — In the aftermath of Ivy’s death, rebirth, and the fall of Joker Tower, Harley collapses onto the ground. Since she never mentioned that her parents are the reason for most of her injuries, Ivy isn’t sure why she’s so out of it.

PERFECT MORNINGS (T) STATS — 1.1k words, domestic fluff/bliss PLOT — Ivy, who usually wakes up early and before Harley, takes a moment to look at the countless muscles, ridges, scars, and tattoos on Harley’s body as she sleeps. General cuteness.

I’D LOVE TO CHECK YOU OUT (T) STATS — 1.7k words, university au, fluff PLOT — Harley visits the library virtually every day, and it’s definitely not because she needs to work on her university courses and homework. She finally works up the courage to speak to the alluring redhead she sees there every day while absentmindedly looking at a book on sharks. 

I’LL LOVE YOU IN THE MORNING (NOON, NIGHT) (T) STATS — 2.1k words, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — A snapshot look into Ivy and how she comes to know, care, and love all the sides of Harley—from psychiatrist to criminal to girlfriend. She loves her throughout it all. 

DAY-DREAMING (T) STATS — 2.2k words, shenanigans, psychiatrist Harleen PLOT — Ivy’s falling for her psychiatrist—her humorous, intelligent, caring, and downright gorgeous psychiatrist. It’s difficult, to say the least.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THEMYSCIRA (DOESN’T) STAY IN THEMYSCIRA (T) STATS — 2.3k words, humor, wedding shenanigans, angst with a happy ending PLOT — In a surprise twist of events, Harley and Ivy were drunkenly married at Themyscira. When asked at the wedding if anybody had objections to the union of Ivy and Chuck, Wonder Woman and the Queen of Themyscira herself come to object. Ivy, for lack of a better word, wants to die a little.

NOT A ROCKER CHICK (T) STATS — 3.1k words, rock band au, fluff PLOT — The last thing Ivy wants to do is go to a rock band concert with her best friend, Selina. Despite her best efforts, she can’t help but completely fall into the rhythm of the band and their music, so different than her own norm. And okay, maybe the singer (who Selina was friends with and called “Harley”) was also kinda hot...

A TENDER HEART AMONG THE GREEN (T) STATS — 3.2k words, gotham city sirens raise Lucy au, domestic bliss PLOT — Harley and Selina come back home to the apartment to find Ivy passed out asleep with Lucy cuddling into the crook of her neck and Selina’s cats cuddling her legs. Knowing that Ivy would rather be caught dead than in such a compromising situation (after all, she is the Poison Ivy, who “hates humans”) the two take a photo, since it lasts longer. Shenanigans and cuteness ensue.

BUILDING YOUR GIRL’S SECOND STORY (M) STATS — 3.3k words, university/grad school au, angst with a happy ending PLOT — Snapshots of Harley’s battle with her violent and abusive boyfriend, Jack, and the way in which Bruce, his boyfriend Clark, and her best friend (and potentially lover) Pamela all love Harley and will do anything, anything, to make sure she gets the help, care, and love she needs.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF NORMAL (T) STATS — 3.6k words, coronavirus pandemic/quarantine au, family au PLOT — Ivy is requested by the Justice League to help create and manufacture a vaccine for the COVID-19 virus. As she works on the vaccine, she video calls Harley and their daughter Lucy, both of whom miss her very much. 

RABBIT IN THE GARDEN (T) STATS — 4.4k words, implied suicide attempt, hard angst PLOT — Winters are difficult to Ivy. When Harley comes home one day to see her submerged fully in water in the bathtub, the only thing Harley can do is cry and take her out. Ultimately Ivy is alright—but it doesn’t make it any easier.

WE WILL BE (EVERYTHING THAT WE’D EVER NEED) (T) STATS — 5.8k words, high school au, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — Harley and Ivy are best friends from high school, living in the middle of Arizona. Ivy is absolutely head over heels for Harley, but the latter is in a growing and increasingly abusive relationship with the older “bad-boy” (literally) Jack. Eventually, the two grow together in more ways than one.  

WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS (EXCEPT NO DOGS DIE) (M) STATS — 9.7k words, domestic bliss, no powers just botanist & psychiatrist au PLOT — After her abusive ex-boyfriend tries to maniacally tear down the front door of her apartment with an ax as her best friend, Selina, pushes the table against the splintering wood, Bruce recommends that Harley gets a dog. She gets two German Shepard brothers—Bud and Lou—who lead her one day on their walk to the most beautiful flower shop owner Harley’s ever seen. The story of Harley and Ivy, told with Bud and Lou present to witness every moment.

THE MOMENT I AWAKEN GHOSTS (T) STATS — 11.7k words, falling in love, feelings & realizations PLOT — A deep look into Ivy’s feelings and how they evolve from general hatred against Harleen the psychiatrist at Arkham to a blooming, kind and gentle love towards Harley Quinn, the crown jester of crime. 

HARLEQUIN’S ISLE (T) STATS — 17.5k words, hurt/comfort, happy ending, shenanigans, humor PLOT — Harley and Ivy decide to go on a vacation on Bruce Wayne’s new eco-friendly plane, but in a surprise twist of events, things go terribly wrong, Ivy falls out of the plane, and the two (as well as all the other rich and wealthy big-name CEOS on the plane) get stranded on an island with someone actively trying to rob the investors. Harley and Ivy will fight them, god damn it, because they deserve this vacation and they will have it.

LONGER STORIES (30k words to 100k words)

YOUR LOVE (DÉJÀ VU) (G) STATS — 33k words, slow burn, mild angst, canon divergence PLOT — A what-if-Harley-found-Ivy-first fic, YOUR LOVE wonderfully illustrates Dr. Harleen Quinzel treating Ivy in a wonderfully humane and kind way, including learning floriography, the language of flowers, in order to better relate to her. Ivy is taken aback by her doctor's genuine care and begins to develop feelings, all the while Harleen falls hard and fast which wholly confuses and frightens her. The one caveat is that while this is happening, Harleen is also treating the Joker as well, who tries (keyword: tries) to manipulate her. Ivy and Harley dance a timid tango around one another as they try to navigate this new playing field of romantic feelings for one another, and things come to a breaking point when Harleen realizes that, perhaps, all of her patients have a point and that the real villains are not the ones inside the asylum, but rather the ones running it. FAVORITE DETAILS — I just love the way this is written. It provides a wonderful and almost skinny-love like romance (except this takes place in an insane asylum) as Harleen and Ivy both try to understand their strong feelings for one another. The way in which the rogues and other inmates/patients all look out for one another was very heartwarming, and Waylon and Eddie's thinly veiled camaraderie with Ivy—and her thinly veiled appreciation for it—were both lovely and created a really warm environment. It really underlined why Harley loved them because you love them too in the process, and see how she reaches her breaking point.  CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harley, as she is in all of my favorite fics, is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and talented psychiatrist. Her caring nature is wonderfully outlined in this fic as she helps Waylon, Eddie, Ivy, and everybody else in the asylum be treated with genuine respect and care, going as far as to get them personalized gifts. Her psyche fracturing slowly never once makes her seem unintelligent to the reader, even as she actively places a ditz persona in order to fool the rest of the asylum staff (and the Joker). Ivy, on the other hand, is illustrated in a way that perfectly shows how all she genuinely needed was someone to listen. She's sometimes harsh and crass but you can see how she begins to soften as Harley helps her and treats her with: you guessed it, genuine respect. FINAL VERDICT — I would get this tattooed on my ass if I could

NOVEL LENGTH WORKS (100k+ words)

ACROSS THE WAY (M) STATS — 128.7k words, slow-burn, tattoo artist & flower shop owner au  PLOT — Botanist and flower shop owner Pamela Isley moves to Gotham from Seattle in search of a new life. Her shop is located directly next to a tattoo shop—one that is incredibly loud and bothersome. Upon walking in to give the shop a piece of her mind, she meets one of the resident artsits, Harley Quinzel, and cannot get her out of her mind. The two become best friends, and feelings slowly start to develop. On a night when Harley is most vulnerable and in need of a place to escape, Pam offers her apartment as a refuge, and from that point on things are never the same again (in the best way possible).  FAVORITE DETAILS — The SIT sessions were a wonderful touch and I loved seeing the recovery of both Ivy and Harley, because it was so real. I also loved how once Harley got out, she did everything in her power to protect both herself and Ivy from Jack, and we got to see her and Ivy grow into their wonderful, healthy romance. CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — I love how all of the characters are illustrated; Selina, who is the caring best friend and genuinely does her best to help others around her all the while being her cocky, usual self. Pam, who escaped Seattle and started anew in Gotham and is the crass botanist and also the insanely kind and caring lover. Barbara is the adorable coffee shop owner, Floyd is the caring figure for Harley that she never had, and everyone is just wonderful.  FINAL VERDICT — literally go read this rn, what are you even doing

MAD LOVE: THE BEGINNING & MAD LOVE: THE FINAL CHAPTER (M) STATS — nearly 400k words total, angst, canon divergence, domestic fluff, slice of life PLOT — imagine YOUR LOVE except this is much longer, much more heart-wrenching, a whole lot more angsty, and Harleen's break with Harley is a lot more prevalent. Another what-if scenario of Dr. Harleen Quinzel meeting and treating the illusive Poison Ivy instead of the Joker, MAD LOVE shows an interesting depiction of the way they manipulate, hurt, care, and love one another. The entire story is riddled with well placed metaphors, recurring themes, and both Ivy and Harley's characters are illustrated in the most complex and interesting way. All throughout both the initial and the sequel, Ivy and Harleen play a metaphorical chess game in manipulation as a means to gain the upper-hand on the other, which creates a dangerous foundation for their following love story. In the sequel, "The Final Chapter," the story starts with Harley and Ivy—already married near the end of "A New Beginning"—having two kids and the entire piece spans over Harley's lifetime until she's on her deathbed, with Ivy still stuck at 33 years old beside her. I personally stopped reading the story after Harley died (I was too emotionally vulnerable to continue on) but if you continue reading on, you get to see Ivy move on and appreciate Harley's impact on her life as she finds love and happiness again after the loss of her wife. FAVORITE DETAILS — We get insight into both Ivy and Harleen's trauma, and how not everything can be fixed with love. Neither Harleen nor Ivy (or their actions for that matter) are characterized as perfect in any way, and the story never excuses any of their more-than-questionable actions; in fact they make MANY mistakes and manipulate one another throughout the story, and both have power over the other (Harleen is her psychiatrist, but Ivy could easily kill her, so emotional power over someone with immense physical power). CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harleen is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and capable psychiatrist, and the story somehow wonderfully mixes Harley's desire for violent chaos with Harleen's desire to help others. v Ivy is illustrated as the epitome of "I hate you and will not be nice unless you're literally either my wife or kids." She is seldom kind to others, is often crass, but an entire softy when it comes to Harleen and their children. She's a hard worker and is heavily involved in her research. Harleen, on the other hand, is equally cunning but more lighthearted, extremely athletic and active, the "fun" mom, and less into power trips (unless it's about Ivy). FINAL VERDICT — definitely the most interesting fics I've ever read in my entire fucking life, it's so complex and wonderful and a literal minefield of analysis worthy literature, I'd also get this tattooed on my ass if I could

[lollreagan]

a fruits basket review: (s1-3 finished)

so this one surprising took me a while to complete. and usually i’m the type of person that lovessss a good romantic story and will binge it all in one go, but this one was difficult for me.

There were too many plot and filler episodes mixed between each other. this is probably what made the show hard for me to keep watching. especially season 1 and 2 were drawn out pretty long. i even told my sister that I though all of the major arcs could have been done in a 13 episode season instead, like how seaosn 3 was done. the pacing was perfect for season 3. season 1 and 2, not so much.

petition to have added more depth to the haru+rene story arch!!!!! i’m sorry to all of the kyo+tohru fans out there, but they were my favorite ship of the whole show. and i feel like once rene was released from the hospital, her and haru were basically forgotten. i would have liked to have known more about them, and not only that, but gotten to see their relationship blossom + fan service moments ofc. i really just wanted to see more of them, but didn’t.

why did momigi grow up. there was really no explanation except for the characters blatantly saying every 5 seconds “wow he really grew.” okay. but why?? i really didn’t understand the point except to maybe show that he could have a crush on tohru, which was only addressed in 3 episodes and then totally forgotten about. wish we could have seen how momigi felt that tohru and kyo ended up growing old together, but i guess i’ll have to make it up for myself.

tohru’s character development. oh my god this one pissed me off so much. yes, sweet little tohru. except that’s exactly why i hated her. i hated that they made her a literal mary sue. her only flaws were that she loved people unconditionally? cmon now. justice for tohru. they made everything that was dark about her mom or dad, and not really about her. she didn’t really start to change until middle of season 3, at the LITERAL END OF THE SHOW.

akito’s character. her character development was SOMETHING FINALLY DONE RIGHT. i hated her so much. i hated how she got away with the abuse and the trauma she caused all of the zodiac members. but this is what made her so powerful. she was finally something right in the story that made me want to keep watching. and she finally had an epiphany when she was talking to tohru that literally led her to free all of the zodiacs from their curses. talk about development. i just really hated how she ended up with shigure at the end of the show, but it was fitting for her. me hating her, with her being the antagonist of the show, is evidence that she was a well-written character.

my favorite characters:

haru

kyo

yuki

rene

the vice president!!! ( sorry i forgot his name)!

hatori

tohru

machi

overall, the pacing was a huge factor for me. it would be much higher on my list if it weren’t so slow at points. i literally took a 2 month hiatus between season 1 and 2 because it was just so hard to continue watching at the lack of character growth and the slow slow pace of the show. overall, 7/10

[facegodandwalkbackwards]

I’ve decided that Renesmee is a trans boy <3

He figures it out in his fifties. Before then, he just figures he’s like his Mom, a little tom-boyish, a little butch. He’s not like other girls, he says. His Mom tells him that’s normal, she was like that, too. And if he feels a longing for the boys in his classes, well, that’s also normal, she says. Wanting someone is the first step to a happily ever after.

Renesmee thinks that sounds trite, but he’s young and doesn’t quite have the exact words to describe why he doesn’t like it. Why ‘happily ever after’ feels confining.

When he reaches his twenties--in real time, and not just in growth--he asks Benjamin about happily ever afters, because he knows his Mom is young, too, by their people’s standards. Benjamin has come to visit every now and then, not for them--he’s not especially attached to them--but because Jacob sometimes drives to Oregon or Idaho to meet up with him and have coffee. He tells Renesmee that they might be possible, but Amun thinks there’s really only ‘happy for now’s. He admits he feels that way, too, sometimes--that he wants to believe happy can be forever, but he knows some day Jacob will stop coming to meet him, and he, too, will die.

During the events of Breaking Dawn, Jacob told Benjamin why the wolves phase, and Benjamin--worried that his presence there might bring more pain--decided that if they were going to be friends, he would never come visit Jacob on his land. Renesmee wishes he could convince his own family to stay away, but ‘the weather’s just too good for us, there,’ he is told. ‘You’ll understand when you’re older. We can blend in with the humans easily there. Besides, we’re never there long enough to do any real damage.’

Except wasn’t he living proof of that being a lie?

His Mother doesn’t see it that way. ‘They weren’t forced to help us,’ she tells him. ‘Jacob, Leah, Seth--they wanted to help. They chose to.’ And he isn’t so sure that’s true, either, but arguing with his Mother never gets him anything productive. Especially when his Father always, always takes her side.

In his thirties, the family--the coven--wants to return to Forks. Renesmee says no, but is overruled by a vote. He goes along at first, but he doesn’t stay. Three nights into their arrival, the aging and grey-haired Taha  Aki--Billy Black, as he’s known, now--comes to visit the house and all but begs them to leave.

Paul and Quil and Embry had just stopped being able to phase, he tells them. If you come back now--are you really going to make them go through this, again?

And Renesmee thinks that maybe his Mother will finally understand. They’re not supposed to be here. But Edward says they won’t stay long enough for it to matter--just three years. That’s all. And when Carlisle and Esme agree, Bella’s convinced.

He doesn’t make a decision right there; he can’t. He’s learned that Alice is too conniving for Renesmee to get past without careful planning.

That night, he leaves. The note, hastily scrawled, tells his family he’s going to live with the Denalis. There are phone calls and tears and accusations. How could he do this to his Mother? Doesn’t he understand how hard it is for them all, living somewhere they aren’t wanted? Doesn’t he understand that he’s still too young to get why he should just come home and ignore Billy? It doesn’t sway him one bit.

Tanya and Carmen try to convince him, themselves. Your family is just worried about you, they say. They just want you to have a good life. Don’t be too hard on them. He knows it costs them nothing to say that.

And he misses them, if he’s honest with himself. Nostalgia is a drug and he wonders and wonders if he made the right choice, but he thinks about the fear in Billy’s face and feels sure.

In those three years, he grows to resent the Denalis. Every conversation that isn’t about why he shouldn’t feel bad for the pack--for the people who killed Laurent (and nevermind that he was hunting on their land, nevermind that he broke the rules, first)--is about how much his family misses him. It’s maddening. Renesmee is mad.

It’s Garrett that gives him an out. You know, he tells Renesmee one cold winter night, days before the Cullens planned to come up north for a decade or so before beginning their standard rotation again, you don’t need a coven. It’s nice to have. They’re helpful if you’re in trouble. But there’s nothing so freeing as going solo, bound to nothing and no-one, going wherever you like as it strikes your fancy. Good way to avoid making decisions, he says, and the little smile tells Renesmee that it’s an invitation. Go, it means. I’ll take the blame for you.

Kate isn’t thrilled when she gets a call from Alice, frantic that Renesmee is gone--just gone, heading west? No--south, now. No--now he’s leapt into a river she doesn’t recognize and she can’t make out what direction he’s going in. Garrett’s been in trouble, before--he knows if he waits a few months, it’ll be fine.

The years on his own are more than Renesmee could ever have hoped for. They’re freeing and wild and beautiful. He hunts in forests and deserts and oceans, and learns how much he can love himself--and still, something feels off. A sour note in the song. Something not quite fitting.

At first, he imagines he’s lonely. He’d always been with his coven, after all, and maybe that’s just what loneliness feels like. Except even in cities, even in the busiest cities in the world, he feels out of step. It’s something deeper.

He grows to resent the name he was given; when he was younger, it had felt weird. Like he was the stand-in for the people whose names he held. Now, he wondered how much truth there may have been in that. When Renee had died, Bella had leaned on him so much, fretting and trying to care for Renesmee as she had once for Renee.

He thinks about being called EJ if he had been a boy, and what that would have meant when Jacob eventually became mortal again. He decides he hates that name, too--but it does feel closer.

Renesmee goes through names like seasons, circling around an answer, reaching ever closer to it and yet feeling so far removed.

It’s in Brazil that he finds it. He’d lost track of seasons and finds himself there in the middle of Pride, and he sees men with breasts. Men with soft faces. Men with scars and furred chests and socks stuffed into their pants. He sees men in the vibrancy of transness and falls in love.

Rio, he decides, is a much better name. Rio feels like home. Rio is learning that he can bind all he wants; his bones don’t bend like a human’s do, and it’s not like he needs to breathe. He experiments with hormones, different dosages, different types, things he’s stolen off supply trucks in the middle of the night. For a long time he thinks they won’t do anything, that he’s too vampiric to use them until one day he wakes up different.

For his best guess, the venom pushes on one side or another of absolutes. Rio thinks he’s built up enough testosterone that the venom corrected overnight. His chest aches and his thighs ache and his chin and throat hurt like he’d been punched hard enough to knock him out.

When he looks in the mirror, what looks back feels right. He’s no taller than he had been, before, but his face--there’s fur, there. A thick beard and mustache and sturdy eyebrows. He’s got fur on his chest where there once were breasts. He’s got straight and narrow hips, and hairy legs, and he cries because his body has never felt so much like home.

If he ever meets the Cullens, again, it’s long after he’s remade himself. There’s a vampire in Georgia, he’s heard, that has the power of granting shields, an echo of the forcefulness with which she protected others in life. He doesn’t need to do much to convince her to place one on him. They’re alike--so similar they could be family. She’s not so human as he is, but she knows what it is to want a different body.

Her shields are different that his Mother’s were. One moment, Alice can see him--the next, he’s gone.

Rio stays in Georgia for a while. It’s lively, there, and he enjoys the company. There’s no spark--no romance--just a desire for kinship. When Berta chooses to leave, he follows her. It’s not a coven; they’re not bound to each other. They split apart sometimes, come together again decades or centuries past. And Rio stays away from Forks.

And he is happy for now.

[doodlingstuff]

Coffee first?

Very late @aftgexchange gift for @rainbow-0bsidian Here's a Coffee Shop AU featuring an evil autumn-colored crocheted nanna-rug. Hope you like it!

---

"I don't even know why I'm letting you drag me into this. I have a paper due tomorrow." Jean says, tapping furiously into his laptop as if the excessive noise will make him go faster.

"Because the two of you need to go out more often! Unless you are, you know, like together, in which case-"

"Don't even finish that thought." Andrew threatens Dan from his place, smoking on the window.

Dan crosses her arms. She's in the middle of the room, where she can look at both men at the same time. The truth is, she knows they both have lives. Or sort of... But she doesn't want to go alone to meet the cute beefcake from the gym on her first date.

They've been eyeing each other for long enough without saying anything, that in the end, it had been Dan who proposed having coffee in her preferred place.

"Okay. I'm done." Jean announces, closing his laptop. "Move it, Minyard."

"I didn't sign myself to be her chaperon."

"And I'm not going to be their third wheel."

"Guys, come on! I never ask anything from either of you."

Both men turn to shot daggers at Dan. Technically, she spends most of the week asking things, but that is because she's the team's captain, and they're supposed to fall under her command.

"I'll buy you a slice of each cake," Dan says to Andrew. "And I'll help you finish your paper when we return." She adds to Jean. "Can we go now?"

Andrew shrugs before discarding his half-smoked cigarette. Dan feels immediate relief. She won't go alone. Her roommates will be there, and if everything goes to awful hell, she can always count on Allison and Renee to cry all night.

"How do I look?" Dan asks the men. She still has a few minutes to make last-minute changes.

Andrew swipes her from top to bottom and Jean from her shoes to her hair.

"Could be worse."

"Halloween is coming."

Dan feels her belly churning with dread. It must be the boots, or the sweater, or the hair. Or perhaps she overdid her makeup? What if-

"Wilds, no." Andrew breaks the silence. Dan turns to look at him. If she has to give the tiny man credit for something, is that he knows how to dress when he means it. She should've asked for his help. Or Jean.

Oh, for fuck's sake. She's so stupid! She also lives with a French, and she couldn't ask for advice. This Matt guy is turning her into a puddle of uselessness.

"I said no. Let's go." Andrew cuts in again and storms out of the door.

Dan sighs and goes out, ready to fail.

The way goes silent. Andrew and Jean occasionally type something on their phones. They are closer to each other than they are to Dan. Like real bodyguards. At least that gives Dan a bit of security.

She breathes in the chilly morning autumn air and pushes the door of the Fox Coffee Shop, already scanning the tables. There's no sign of her big man yet. She might have a few minutes to steel herself for the stunning view and relax before he-

"What are you doing? Don't leave me with her!" Jean scowls behind her. She turns on her heels to see Andrew leaving the coffee shop.

"Andrew! What are you doing? Andrew!"

Dan is finally thankful for choosing shoes she can run with. She is so worried about being left alone with the cute man that she doesn't pay attention to the sound of windows smashing at her back and hurries more to step in front of Andrew.

"We got a deal! What's wrong with you?"

Andrew only lifts a brow. It would've been enough to make Dan step aside if she didn't know him so well already, and she hadn't noticed the faint blush on his cheeks.

"Can we go back? I got a date."

"Go ahead. I don't." There's the faintest of inflections in the last part. Dan would've asked if she only had time. Right now, she wants her date to be perfect, and it's coming pretty bad from before the start.

"I'll also get you fancy ice cream when I'm done. Andrew, come on, I need you."

The man looks from Dan's face to the coffee shop at the back. His cheeks blush again.

"Is he worth it?"

"I'll never know if we don't meet."

"Chocolate fudge, rocky road, brownie, and cookie chips. Plus the cakes, and I reserve the right to stab him if he isn't worth it."

"Awesome. You're the best. Come on; he must be there."

Dan makes her way back to the coffee shop, feeling pounds lighter with Andrew going willingly behind her. However, the relief doesn't last long.

There's a crowd of people at the entrance of the place. Dan makes way for her and Andrew to see what's the source of the commotion. A million scenes cross her mind. All of them, except the one with Jean on the floor, cursing in angry French at a blond man who's pressing gauze to his forehead.

"I can't take care of that cut if you keep moving, you know?" The blond says.

"Leave my head alone and get rid of that stupid rug!" Jean protests.

Dan looks at the spot pointed by Jean. There's a crumpled autumn-colored crocheted nana-rug on the floor.

"As if it was the rug's fault that you can't see where you put your feet. Or your whole body, for that matter." Interjects a small man from aside. He gives a few steps to get close to the window that apparently, met Jean's head. "At least you hit with the wall and didn't break the window."

"Neil, can you go back to attending orders?" The blond man asks, still busy attending Jean.

At her back, Dan hears Andrew muttering "Neil" to himself.

"I'm not cleaning his blood." The man -Neil-, says as he goes back to the counter.

Dan doesn't pay any more attention to him and crouches beside Jean. "What happened?"

"I wanted to catch Andrew before he ran away and slipped with their stupid rug. Who puts a rug in the middle of a coffee shop?"

"I did; any problems?" Neil replies from the back of the counter.

"You are a problem!" Jean shouts at the same time that Andrew says it, already in front of Neil. The blush has extended from his cheeks to his ears.

"It's just an attitude problem," Neil says, quieter, only for Andrew to hear, but the whole shop is still silent with the commotion.

"I'll still solve you," Andrew says with a casual shrug that can fool anyone but Dan or Jean.

"At least buy something before."

The blond man. Jeremy reads his tag, just puts his head inside his hands. "This job is going to kill me."

At that moment, Dan can see the instant shuffle in Jean. When he sees the exhaustion in Jeremy, he also goes slack against the wall, all tension between him, the rug, and Neil instantly gone. "I'm sorry for causing you trouble, love. It's just- Andrew's impossible, and our girl Dan here is having her first date with a guy from the gym."

Dan can't think anymore. She doesn't even know what's going on. Jean and Jeremy are holding hands on the floor, and Andrew is having a heavy staring contest with Neil at the counter.

"Love?" Is all she can mutter.

"We've been dating for weeks. We didn't want to tell you because I thought you liked him." Jean says.

"I- What?"

"You come here so often that I thought you might come for me? It wouldn't be the first time. And I know it wouldn't be because of Neil; he doesn't seem your type." Jeremy explains.

Dan feels dumbfounded. Her knees are about to give up below here. This can't be happening.

"I come here because of the morning views, the warm lattes, the pecan pie, and the free Wi-Fi! And I have a fucking date with a super hot guy who's like seven feet of glorious muscle crowned with a perfect smile and the most hilarious sense of humor. Why would I even look at you? No offense, Jean, I can see the appeal."

"Do you think all that of me?" Asks a deep voice behind Dan.

"Fuck me now," Dan mutters to Jean's and Jeremy's entertainment.

"Uh... Thought we could have coffee first? But I can do that too if that's what you want. I mean, who wouldn't? You're like a goddess."

"I- Wh- So- Do you really think I'm a goddess?"

"Hell yeah, I've been wanting to ask you out since spring but thought like your friend's boyfriend that you were into him and I-"

"Shut up and kiss me."

Dan doesn't think as she talks and pulls Matt in for a kiss.

All her nerves melt as soon as their mouths meet. It's so much better than anything she had imagined. Not that she'd put too many thoughts into picturing herself with Matt, but it's everything she ever dreamt of and then some.

"You could do the same someday." Dan listens to Andrew deadpan to Neil. She bursts into laughter at the same time as Matt.

The kiss breaks, but their hands remain holding as they go to get their drinks and officially start their date.

It looks like this date won't be a total failure after all.

[headinthestaticsky]

Frozen Within the Night Wind: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 11.

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

Authors note:I was reading up on the Newborn Battle and saw that it took place in June... I get that snow storms can happen on mountains but why is everyone else wearing jackets in the battle haha.

"When the mako flies Up from the bottom in your eyes Then I know the twilight skies Are not so broken hearted."

Stylo by, Gorillaz

Today was the day, they would finally arrive ending the constant tension of the inevitable battle. We all stood tense in the field, the wolves were hiding so they weren't immediately sought after.

"Fleur, do you think you could track Riley? We need to know how close he is." Esme asked.

"On it... They aren't to far from here, it'll take them about... 2 minutes before they find us. They're falling for Bella's blood trap quite easily."

"That's good, we don't need them finding her." Carlisle said.

I felt someone grab my hand I turned and looked at them, Jasper was staring back at me.

"We're gonna be fine." He said. I turned my head due to the sound of rustling coming from the far side of the field. I looked back at him and smiled.

"I know we are."

I then saw the crowd coming toward us, they all were yelling. We then began to run toward them as soon as the got close enough both Jasper and I punched two of the vampires heads off. The rest of us had separated at that point as the new born vampires spread out. Two vampires came toward me both of them trying to take out my head. I dunk under them both easily and took out there legs, leaving them defenseless. I then took off both of there heads, another vampire snuck up behind my and grabbed me by the back of my neck, I grabbed both of there hands and flipped them over, crushing there head into the ground and shattering it.

I looked around me and saw Paul with two vampires on his back, I quickly made it toward him. Kicking two other vampires in the process and flipping over another one that was being chased by a wolf before making it to him. I ripped the first one off his body taking it's head clean off with it. Paul had gotten the other one off of him and looked at me quickly before running off again. I ran toward a tree and rock, suspecting someone to be hiding there. My theory proved to be correct, I saw a girl coming out of the little nook.

She looked about 15 years old and scared out of her mind. I stopped myself from attacking her and saw Carlisle and Esme next to me, we were unsure about her.

"Let's leave her here...I really don't think she'll try anything. She looks absolutely terrified." I said Esme and Carlisle nodded. I then ran back toward the fight. I was in the midst of a power struggle with one vampire, my arms, shoulders, sides of my neck, and cheeks began to crack from the pressure. It was unbearable, it was as if a thousand needles were stabbing each individual nerve rendering it useless. Suddenly the pressure was gone and angry amber eyes looked down at the vampire's dismembered body. I healed quickly thankfully and Jasper and I ran off together to defeat the remaining vampires left. They had all been taken out with ease with the exception of a few. Before we both could react a vampire bite Jasper right on the neck, trying to tear apart his skin. Jasper had let out a yell due to the pain and I quickly pushed him off of Jasper, stomping his head in. Emmett and Paul took out the last vampire. When we all dragged them to the middle of the field to burn them I noticed I never saw Riley.

"Hey... did any of you guys run into Riley?"

I saw uncertain faces on the Cullens, which gave me the answer.

I decided to track him, to see if he was still around. I saw him stalking up a mountain, Bella and Edward suddenly came into view.

"Riley... listen to me. Victoria is just using you to distract me. She knows I’ll kill you. In fact, she’ll be glad she didn’t have to deal with you anymore." Edward stated.

Bella looked terrified behind him. I saw Victoria come down a tree landing on a rock covered in snow.

"Don’t listen, Riley. I told you about their mind tricks." Victoria persuaded.

"I can read her mind. So I know what she thinks of you." Edward interjected.

"He's lying."

"She only created you and this army to avenge her true mate, James. That’s the only thing she cares about. Not you."

Riley turned his head to her, and an unsure look was on his pale, deadly face.

Victoria froze, her eyes slightly widened.

"There's only you, you know that!" She said.

Riley then began to walk toward Edward again, Both he and Bella backed up.

"Think about it. You’re from Forks, you know the area. That’s the only reason she chose you. She doesn’t love you."

"Riley, don’t let him do this to us. You know I love you."

Riley turned his head back to Edward a smirk was on his face.

"You're...dead."

I broke out of trance before a fight could break out.

"Guys...They're both with Edward and Bella..."

All of the Cullens's eyes widened with shock.

"Look I got a plan, Dean, you're the second-fastest in the family so you need to get that girl out of here take her back to the house... I have a feeling the Volturi are going to show up and I don't think they'll spare her. I am going to get as close to the fight as I can from the mountains and try to get Victoria to hallucinate again. We don't have any time to waste, MOVE IT!" I demanded before running toward the fight. I could hear Jasper in the distance as I kept running.

"That's my girl..."

As I ran it felt like I was having deja-vu, it reminded me of the ballet studio situation 2 years ago. That same mantra was going through my head. "Please...let me get there in time." No matter how cruel and unkind Bella could be...I couldn't stand the thought of her getting killed by the cold hands of revenge.

Flashback: 4 years ago.

"THAT'S IT... I CAN'T STAND TO BE AROUND YOU TWO ANYMORE!" I yelled at Bella and Renee.

"OH GET OVER YOURSELF, YOU'RE THE ONE ALWAYS CAUSING TROUBLE AROUND HERE!" Renee yelled back.

"Causing trouble....CAUSING TROUBLE? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO THIS TIME?"

"YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOUNG LADY! I HAVE RAISED YOU FOR 15 YEARS!"

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A GOOD MOTHER!"

"How dare you..."

"What did I do.... what do I always do? Want love? Reassurance? Someone I can trust? That's not "causing problems"... that's something a parent should give to their child. Oh sorry... both of their children!"

"Well...it's hard to give that to a child you just can't stand. You act just like your father..."

"You say that like it's an insult... my father is an intelligent, compassionate man, I'm glad you left him... I didn't want to see him get abused like me."

Bella just sat back and smirked, enjoying the chaos that was in front of her.

"If you love him so much why don't you go live with him."

"Fine... I will just buy the damn plane ticket and I swear I will never come back here again!"

"I will... Bella will finally be able to get away from your poisonous mind."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes before speaking again.

"Goodbye Renee, I'll see you at my wedding. I know you won't be able to resist showing up, you'll have so much fun at the open bar being the boozer you were meant to be. Your speech will probably be you upchucking on the stage. It'll be a hit with the guest."

Renee and Bella's eyes widened with shock. Renee decided to speak up.

"Like you'll ever get married... no sane person would want to be with a disgraceful woman such as you."

I ignored her, I stopped at Bella and looked at her.

"Isabella... get away from her, you'll end up just as toxic and abusive as she is." I then ran upstairs and started packing my bags... eager to leave.

Flashback: OVER

I ran up the mountain and saw a glimpse of the fight, Victoria and Riley held Edward by the arms and neck. Bella stood there paralyzed in fear. I prayed that this plan would work, I tried creating that image of James again but instead... my body changed turning into him. I stood there for a second shocked before making my way up to them. Victoria froze in fear, Riley looked at her in confusion, and Bella and Edward didn't know what to think.

"J-james... how... how are you here? She isn't here is she?" Victoria asked.

I prayed my voice would've changed along with my appearance before I spoke.

"Who? Fleur... no no no, she's too busy dealing with the army you created with... this pipsqueak. I said, my voice was not of my own.

She dropped Edward, which in return made Edward throw off Riley who was then dragged away by a wolf... it seemed to be Seth.

"VICTORIA!" "VICTORIA HELP!"

Seth pulled him down the slope, I could still hear him scream on the way down. Edward just observed us, pulling Bella behind him again.

"James... you have to understand I did this for us, I thought you were dead. Why didn't you come and find me?"

"I did find you...but then I saw what you were doing, whoring yourself out there after you came back from Texas... persuading that man by kissing him the same way you kissed me. You're disgusting!"

"James no... please don't do this."

"You should know...we began this by me hunting you... you've always been my prey. And now..."

My voice switched back to my own.

"I will take you out the same way I intended to from the beginning."

Her eyes widened but before she could escape I snapped her neck, ripping her head off a few seconds later.

"Whoa..." I heard Bella say meekly.

Edward handed me a lighter he was carrying, I lit it and threw it on her body, it busted into flames. I saw Seth carrying Riley back up, he too was dead. I threw him in the fire too, making sure both of them were taken out.

"Fleur... Carlisle said you could make hallucinations... but you completely morphed into James." Edward said in shock.

"T-that's the first time I have ever done that..."

Before either of us could say anything Edward gasped.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"Alice needs us to go...NOW!"

[nepenthendline]

Study break nap - Tsukishima

Just a PSA that Renee is actually the prettiest girl in the world??? Um girl chill? Also I’ll write anything for you ily

Request for @salty4tsukki​ : CHLOEEE hahah even though i’m literally talking to you rn on discord HEHE but lemme request some tsukki fluff PLEASE!! maybe something like tsukki and his s/o studying for finals and they take a break and go walk or nap or something? sorry i’m pretty bad at giving specifics but i’m not hard to please LOL i luv u i look forward to reading literally anything you write :-)

Tsukishima:

For the past few hours you had been seated at the dining room table with notes and textbooks sprawled out in front of you between the various empty mugs of coffee and snacks. Across you, just as neck-deep in loose sheets of paper, sat Tsukishima, his glasses reflecting the bright light of his laptop as he searched through journals and texts while his face remained in a tight scowl. 

With your finals coming up all of your spare time was put into studying, especially with the influence of your boyfriend who wasn’t going to settle for a bad grade, from either of you. Simply sitting near each other while you did your own things was common for the two of you so studying wasn’t much different, but it was encouraging having his presence around knowing you could go to him for help and that you were in this together. 

Your focus was growing weary though, the texts in front of you were starting to blur into one, and you couldn’t help but get distracted by the mundane sights around you, as well as analysing every inch of Tsukishma’s face, or the way his hands moved as he wrote. 

After taking the last sip of coffee in your mug, you let out a low sigh and the heels of your hands rubbed your eyes that were beginning to burn. You two hadn’t had much of a break yet besides making more drinks to keep you fuelled, and you were reaching your limit. While his eyebrows were knotted together in concentration, he didn’t seem too tired though. Besides, the last thing you wanted was him to tease you for not being able to last any longer, even if you knew he was kidding. 

Your pen twirled around your fingers as you read the same line over and over in your textbook, just trying to make it stick in your head with no luck. Your head was rested on your hand on the table, feeling heavier each second. What broke your dazed focus was the pen in your hand being taken away, looking up to find Tsukishima laying it down on the table as he watched you. 

“You’re going to make me motion sick if you keep doing that,” he muttered before standing and gathering the multiple cups on the table and placing them in the sink. You hummed out a less than enthusiastic apology before ducking your head down once more, although the rustling of Tsukishima clearing up the table prevented you from paying attention. 

After a few moments, a large shadow hung over your side of the table, one that belonged to him as he stood beside you with a hand reached out. You raised your brow at him, looking back and forth between his blank stare and his hand. He let out a sigh before he spoke. 

“We both know you’re too far gone to actually concentrate, so we might as well take a break,” he said, picking up your documents on the table and organising them into a pile. 

“No it’s fine, I can go longer,” you fought, although the sleepy roughness in your voice gave away your lie. Tsukishima rolled his eyes before looking back towards you, holding his hand out once more. 

“If you’re going to say that, at least make it sound like its true,” his voice sounded half like teasing and half annoyed, “besides, I’m tired too and I just want to sleep.” He spoke much quieter, and that’s only when you noticed the shadows under his eyes and the slump of his body. 

Once you took his hand, he tugged you into the living room before laying down with one arm out as an invitation. His eyes wear already closed as he laid on his back and his hair, which had grown a little longer, sprawled out on top of the cushion below. Reaching down, you gently removed his glasses and placed them on the coffee table, then joined him, tucking yourself close into his chest as his arms closed around you. 

The warmth the surrounded you and his subtle scent as your nose nuzzled into his neck already began to slow your heart rate, matching his. You felt every muscle in his body relax, except his long fingers that brushed up and down your arm. The only sound was your mixed slow breaths as you both settled into a sleep. The last thing you felt before you drifted off was the turn of his head and the pressure of his lips on the top of your head that lingered as he buried his face into your hair.

[volturicangetit]

A.V- Good idea

Summary: Due to a one night stand with Alec after your sister’s, Bella, wedding you get knocked up. You meet Alec again during a confrontation with the Volturi. Maybe your son can have a father in his life after all.

Request: YES/no Anon: Can you do an Oneshot were the reader is Bellas sister and she meets Alec Volturi at Bellas wedding and they spend the weekend together and when Bella comes back pregnant the reader is pregnant with Alec's baby and during BD 2 Alec finally gets to meet his son and the reader again who is now a vampire and she leaves with Alec to raise their son?

A/N: this is a little different form what I normally write. This is a fem!reader since the reader is pregnant. I didn’t use any femine pronounce but the reader is pregnant so.....

Warnings: birth, mention of blood? pregnant!reader

Wordcount: 3054

Your sister is getting married at the young age of eighteen. You support her fully in her choice, of course. You can see how much she loves Edward and you want her to be happy. But the rumours that Edward knocked her up and that's why they are getting married were bringing out the worse in you. You stand a good couple of feet away from other people as you sip on a glass of champagne you stole from an unattended table. It was your third glass already and you can feel the bubbles getting to your head, though that's the whole point of alcohol. You watch as Bella and Edward happily dance with each other. A smile spreads over your face at the sight of your careless sister.

"Enjoying yourself?" a voice asks. You turn to your left to face a boy. He's about your age, maybe a bit younger. The brown of his eyes is obviously fake but you keep your mouth shut about it. You nod at him. he holds his hand out and you shake it. "I'm Alec. I'm....a cousin of the Cullens," he says. You nod.

"Y/n Swan. Bella's my sister," you say while you point at her. A smile spreads over Alec's face. "You don't look alike," he says. You laugh as you nod. You and your sisters didn't even look like cousins or neighbours. His eyes dart down towards your champagne glass. You hold it up to offer him some but he shakes his head. Apparently fun didn't run in the Cullen family. "You're from Italy, right?" you ask before taking another sip from the bitter bubbles in your glass. Alec nods. He looks around him before pointing at a blond girl talking to Carlisle and Esme.

You follow his finger to look at the girl. She has the same young face as Alec. They look like brother and sister but that's probably only because he pointed it out. "That's Jane. We're twins," he says. You snort at him as you shake your head. "You don't look like twins more like...step-siblings, maybe," you say. Alec playfully swats your arm while he laughs. You two stay talking for what feels like hours. While he stays sober, you down another couple of glasses of champagne. When the night ends, you all gather at the driveway to wave Edward and Bella goodbye for their honeymoon. You're a bit too intoxicated to stand on your own and since Alec has been by your side since you met him, he's the unfortunate soul who has to keep you upright. You have one arm slung over his shoulder while you use the other to wave at your sister. You're head is resting against his shoulder while his arm is wrapped around your middle to keep you standing. You let out uncontrolled giggles and hiccups.

When Edward and Bella have finally driven off to their mystery honeymoon, you say your goodbyes to your parents. They both want to go home since Charlie is tired and Renee has a flight to catch in the morning. You and Alec stay around for a bit. You've moved from the crowded party to sitting on the opposite side of the house on the forest floor. The alcohol has loosened you up and given you a boost of confidence. Somewhere in the night, you had wrapped your arms around Alec. Now you two are sitting propped up against a tree while cuddling and stargazing. While Alec points at different constellations you are showering him with compliments while letting your fingertips trace of your cold skin.

You let your fingers run over his jaw while he's explaining the Orion belt. You turn his head so that he's now looking at you. His eyes stare into yours. You glance down at his lips. You want to, no, have to kiss him. You lay your other hand on his cheek as you pull him towards you, closing the gap between you by pressing your lips against his. You expect him to pull away but instead, he deepens the kiss. His hands roam over your body. You groan into the kiss.

Alec pushes you down slowly so that you're now laying on the forest floor. He hovers over you while continuing to kiss you. One of your hands lays flat on his chest while the other is on the back of his head playing with his hair. You lace your fingers through his soft locks and give them soft thugs, causing pleasure-filled groans to escape from Alec's throat. "Do you want to stop?" Alec asks as he moves to kiss you neck. You shake your head.

"No," you mutter. "Please don't stop.". Alec smiles against your skin as he moves up to place kisses onto your jawline. "And no, I'm not just saying that 'cuz I'm drunk," you say, beating Alec to his question. He lets out a laugh as he starts kissing you on your lips again. You push him lightly and he gets the hint letting you roll you two over so that you're on top. You straddle him while you continue to kiss him. Boy, were you in for a big night.

____ Pregnant. You stare blankly at the paper Carlisle handed you. You already took five tests at home but you wanted to be sure. When you're dealing with a vampire baby you can't be to curtain. You also couldn't go to a normal doctor so you opted to go to Carlisle instead. "I didn't know this was possible," he says softly. You nod at him.

Tears build in your eyes. From happiness. You are pregnant. There is something alive in you. You made life. From fear. There is a vampire baby in you. How is that even possible. Is it going to kill you? From anger. Alec had been ignoring you. You tried calling him but he hasn't answered any of your calls. Sure, it was a one night stand. But that little Dracula got your knocked up. "Can I...Am I going to die?" you ask Carlisle. You look up at him and his non-beating heart breaks at seeing your teary eyes. He lays a comforting hand on your shoulder as he shrugs.

"We don't know. We didn't even know this was possible," he says. Esme rushing into the room causing you and Carlisle to wipe your heads towards her. She has a phone in her hands. "Bella is also pregnant," she whispers. You scoff as you sink back in your seat. You finally let the tears fall from your eyes. They burn as they run down your cheeks. "The Swan's are back at it again," you say. "Getting knocked up by sad vampires.".

_____

It was weird being pregnant at the same time as your sister, though you had completely different views and experiences. Bella's baby was giving her hell. It was draining her. Killing her slowly. While you looked like a normal pregnant woman. Your skin is glowing as your hair is bouncier than normal. Some part in your hopes that it's because your baby is human and not a vampire. But you know that can only be a dream. You tried getting rid of it, or he, or she. Or whatever your child might be. But it was all much more difficult when you're dealing with a potentially immortal child.

You spent most of your time with Rosalie. She is delighted to have one, let alone two, pregnant woman in her life. She has always dreamt of having children of her own. And since Alec is still ghosting you after nine months now, you have talked to Rosalie a lot about how to raise your child. You have decided that if you make it out alive, you would raise your child together with her and Emmett. If not, she and Emmett would take care of your child. Rosalie is running her hands over your belly while discussing plans about a nursery while you hear a scream coming from the other side of the house. "I'll go look, stay here," Rosalie says before running to where the sound came from. Within a second, she's back. Her brows are furrowed as worry is written all over her face. "Bella's in labour," she pants.

You try to get up but Rosalie shakes her head and softly pushes you down. "You can't get up. It'll be too stressful for you and the baby.". You smile at her while you lay a hand on your stomach. "Rose, please. She's my sister," You say. "I want to see what I'm in for as well.". Rosalie nods as she helps you stand up. Your legs are wobbly but you still manage to slowly make your way over to the room Carlisle has prepared for labour. Alice rushes past you and out of the house with Jasper. Esme stops you and Rosalie from entering the room. You can hear your sister's pained yells coming from behind the doors. Esme shakes her head.

"You have to stay out, I'm sorry," she says. You nod. You understood. The Cullens grew very protective over you and Bella and they don't want to put either of your babies at risk. "I'll go get you when the baby is born," Esme promises. You thank her before shuffling back to the living room with Rosalie. You, her and Emmett sit there for hours while watching movies to block out Bella's screams. It hurts you to hear her in so much pain. Finally, after hours, Carlisle walks towards you. Blood covers his hands and part of his shirt. Emmett and Rosalie immediately tense up as the metallic scent of blood spread through the room.

"She didn't make it," Carlisle says. Your heart freezes. You grip the pillow laying next to you so hard you think it might explode. You're sister died. "Edward bit her. She'll change but it's going to take longer than normal.". She died. Your hearing cuts out. Your mind blocks everything out except for one thing. One fact. You're sister died. Silent tears start pouring down your cheeks as your shoulders start to shake. "I'm going to die too," you whisper. Carlisle's shoulders drop. Rosalie makes her way over to you and pulls you in for a hug, being careful with your baby bump. She calms you down as ugly sobs wreck through your body. Your sister died and you're next.

___

Pain. That's all you can feel. White, hot, searing pain that numbs everything else. You grip onto Emmett's hand as contractions wash through your body. You're so focussed on not passing out that you don't hear Carlisle telling you to push. Your body does it naturally though. You want this baby out of you. You want this pain to end.

For eight and a half hours, you've been in labour and now, it's finally over. With one final push, the pain is suddenly gone. The screaming of a baby fills the room. "It's a boy," Carlisle says. A boy. You have a wonderful baby boy. Rosalie immediately grabs ahold of your wrist. She would be the one to change you.

"Wait, I wanna...I wanna see him," you mumble. Carlisle walks over to your side and hands you your son. Thankfully, his eyes are a normal human colour, not red. He looks like his father. Same hair, same nose. You give him a quick kiss.

“Hello, Charlie Alec Swan," you mumble before handing him back to Carlisle. The moment the baby leaves your hands, Rosalie's teeth sink into your skin. The pain of the change combined with the longing pain of birth become too much for your body as you finally pass out.

___

Winter was here. You could feel it by the crispness of the air and the freezing night. It would only be a matter of days before the Volturi would arrive. You treasured every moment you got with your son. He wasn't growing as fast as Renesme was. While she was growing every day, your son was growing like a normal human baby. He hadn't shown any interest in blood either, giving you more and more hope that he was just a normal human baby. But you couldn't be sure until he got older. For now, you just spent all your time with him. He had just taken his first steps and was now crawling and walking all over the place. Luckily, you had two vampires to help you.

You and your son are enjoying some outside time. You're sitting moss-covered floor next to the Cullen's house, where you are now staying. Your dad knew about your pregnancy. You told him it was just the outcome of a one night stand, which was true. He was so happy when he learned that you had named your son after him. It did him good to have a grandson. One that didn't need to be covered up with a whole "adopting-our-cousin" story. Charlie runs over to you while laughing. He's gently holding a snail in his hands as he shows it to you. You look up at the sky when something cold hits your cheek. You soon realize that it's snowflakes. The cold, white flakes dart down from the sky. It's time. The Volturi are coming.

_____

You didn't want to be here. The plan was that you and your son were supposed to stay at home but you thought that it could be a good idea to come along. Since your son wasn't as vampire-like as Renesme is, it could be good to use that fact to convince the Volturi. You all patiently wait for the Volturi to arrive. You hold your son in your arms as you talk to him to keep him entertained. Sure, he could stand on his own, but you want to keep him close, just in case. With a loud whoosh, the Volturi arrives. They are with many more than you are. Aro's eyes dart over all of you, stopping at Bella, Edward and Renesme. He calls them forward and he checks to so if Renesme is human, which she partially is. The three of them walk back to you all. You think it's finally over but then Aro calls out to you.

"I see that Bella isn't the only Swan with child," He says as he points to you. He holds his hand out for you and you immediately understand what he wants. Rosalie goes to stand in front of you protectively but you place a hand on her shoulder and reassure her that it's fine. You walk over to Aro with your son still in your arms. When you reach Aro, you let him grab your hand. He giggles as he looks through your thoughts. "How are you still alive," he asks you as he stares intently at your child.

"We knew what to do for his birth," you say coldly. He giggles as he looks up at you. You nod at him for approval as he reaches out for your child. Charlie cries out in panic and hides his head against your shoulder. You shush him softly. "It's okay, it's okay," you whisper to him. Charlie still shakes his head. Aro retracts his hand. "It's alright, I don't want to upset the young Swan," he says with a disgusting smile. It causes waves of nausea to run through your stomach. "Where's the lucky father?" Aro asks. You quickly look behind him at Alec. He's staring at you and your child. He can see the resemblance between him and Charlie. "Right there," you whisper. Aro clasps his hands together in front of his chest. He takes a step aside.

Alec quickly walks closer to you. He now stands in front of you. " Is he..." he begins. He's too afraid of the answer to finish his sentence. You nod your head. You already know what he was going to ask. "His name is Charlie. Charlie Alec Swan," you say. A smile spreads over Alec's face at the name. He holds his hand out for Charlie. He wraps his small, chubby fingers around Alec's slender ones. A surprised gasp leaves Alec's mouth at the feeling of the child's skin.

"He's warm isn't he?" you say with a proud smile. Alec nods. "I'm sorry," he begins. "If I would've known....I would have helped. I'm such an asshole.". You shake your head. You lay one hand on top of his shoulder while using the other to support your child.

You give him a sympathetic smile. "You aren't an asshole," you say. Alec shakes his head but before he can disagree, you continue talking. "You didn't know. But you still can be a part of his life, if you want to.". Alec nods happily. "It would be an honour. I would be happy if all I could do was change his diapers. I'll do anything.". You laugh as you slap his chest playfully. You wrap your second arm back around your child. You look up at Alec. "Wanna hold him?" you ask. He nods happily as he opens his arms. You carefully hand him your child who immediately cuddles up against Alec. You giggle at the sight. "He likes you.".

Your moment is interrupted by Aro. "A family reunion," he says in a vomit-inducing tone. "Oh, how I love happy endings.", You pull Alec along with you to take a couple of steps away from Aro. You had forgotten about Aro and his vicious ways of keeping his guards at Volterra. You weren't going to leave Forks. You weren't going to leave your dad, your sister or the Cullens. Not even for Alec. Aro sees your defensiveness. "Of course, we'll let Alec stay with you," he quickly adds. "Right, brothers?".

Marcus and Caius both nod. "He needs to be there for the...baby," Caius says. A wash over release comes over you. You wrap your arm around Alec's middle as you look at your son. "Looks like there won't be a fight after all," Aro says. A content smile sits on Alec's lips as he watches his son in his arms. Maybe coming to the 'fight' was a good idea after all.

TWILIGHT TAGLIST (OPEN): @scuzmunkie​ @thanossexual​ @prettyinblack231​ @kpopgirlbtssvt​ @cullens-stuff​ @thanossexual​ @jelly-fishy-babie​ @puer-de-infinitate​ @awesomebooklover17​

[simonsrosebud]

Okay you can’t just make the “put a ring on it” comment and NOT think I’m gonna obsess over it - do they get engaged at some point? Who would ask who?

don’t worry, i’ve obsessed over it for days, now, but alas, here we go...

PUT A RING ON IT

the us court has been in london for the 2012 olympics for three weeks now.  and there are still things that kevin can’t comprehend.  he’d heard the stories, but the olympic village is exactly as described:  a mini town where anyone and everyone is hooking up, and where almost no one is sober after completing their events.  and since the schedules for each sport are so different, there are parties going on 24/7 without exaggeration.

it’s almost like a college campus, except every day was a friday night.

which is why kevin makes sure to score a single suite.  he socializes, sure, but he always ends up back and neil and andrew’s side.  they’re the only two he knows of- because he isn’t there to make friends, that has zero interest in the parties.  and neil is the only one he knows who refuses to drink until after all of their games are over.

it’s safe to say it’s the hardest three weeks he’s had to endure.  going from the excitement of playing to almost shutting himself back into his or neil’s room so he’s not surrounded by alcohol.  it’s suffocating.

but calls with dalton help, and he doesn’t know if someone suggests it, but he gets calls from a lot of the foxes often as well to keep him busy.  it keeps him sane.

the closing ceremonies are supposed to be the biggest party and celebration of the whole time, which is why he sneaks dalton in.  he doesn’t think he’ll be able to at first, but apparently he’s still a big deal at the olympics among all of the other athletes, so he’s got some pull.

he drapes his gold medal around dalton’s neck before kissing him.  “longest three weeks of my life.”  he mumbles.

kevin snorts.  “yeah, you’re telling me.”

the next morning, the us court moves out of the olympic village.  it’s a draining day filled with interviews and press work, but eventually they’re free to leave.

the majority of the team goes home to the states.  these three meet up with their family in london for the rest of the day.

as in, the foxes.

they’d all flown out, including wymack, abby, betsy, and even dalton’s family, and had been staying in hotel suites almost right outside the main stadium.  (yes this includes katelyn, nicky and erik).  they all go out to dinner somewhere where andrew, of all people, had basically rented out the whole restaurant.  kevin posts a series of pictures from the games and up on the winning podium, and then one last one with dalton wearing his medal.

the next morning is when they finally go home.  kevin and dalton pick up and drop off lilly from her dog-sitter and drop her off with renee before leaving again right after.  this time they fly to colorado.

were they just in london for 2-3  weeks?  yes, but it was a hectic 2-3 weeks for everyone.  they need a breather.

plus, they don’t have work yet.  it’s still summer.

they sleep the whole day they get there, still jet lagged, and kevin wraps himself around dalton in their bed.  they rented a small cabin on the lake.

and then he’s up early the next day, because he’s stressed.  he let’s dalton sleep, and after having some ~fun~ after he wakes up, kevin can barely bring himself to pull his lips away.  but kevin has plans.

“you wanna get dressed?  i have plans.”

when dalton goes to the bathroom kevin checks the side table for the third time that morning.

and when they get in the rental car, he’s subtly checks his pocket three times by the time they get there.

they go to a lake that dalton can’t remember the name of, but the views are so immaculate that he doesn’t really care.  or even remember to care.  the mountains are practically surrounding them and he thinks that colorado will always be the most beautiful place he sees.

they walk along the lake, there’s another young couple trailing along nearby.  the girl has a camera.  should he have gotten a photographer?

he brushes it off.  they stop at one point and sit on the edge of a rock with their feet hanging off.  the water isn’t that far, maybe five feet below them.

dalton rests his head down on kevin’s shoulder.  “i’m so proud of you.  i don’t know if i’ve said it yet.”

god, he loves this man. kevin kisses the side of dalton’s head.  they sit there for an hour, sometimes talking, sometimes not.  and when they get up, kevin holds dalton’s face.  “hey, i love you.”

dalton smiles.  he kisses him.  “i love you, k.”

kevin kisses him again.  “thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me.” he should have practiced.  “and- i mean, everything.  you’ve always just… accepted me, for who i am, and loved me for who i am.  you make me the best version of myself, and the happiest.  i- you’re the reason i know how to love and i don’t care how hallmark that is.”  his thumb taps dalton’s lip.  dalton takes one of kevin’s hands in his and kisses his knuckles.  he hasn’t caught on yet.  “when i told you about every dark corner of my life you stayed.  and not only that but you helped me get better, and get over a shit ton of obstacles.  i don’t know how to thank you for it, even now.”

“don’t have to thank me,” he whispers.

kevin smiles.  “i know, but i want to.”  he pauses.  “remember when i didn’t understand why you wanted to stay, after i told you everything?”  dalton nods with a slight frown.  “and you said, i want you as long as you’ll have me.”

dalton starts to smile, as if he’s catching on to what might happen.

kevin reaches with one hand into his pocket.  “i want you for the rest of my life, d,”  he whispers, and dalton’s eyes are tearing up as he pulls the ring box from his pocket and lowers down to one knee.  “will you marry me?”

and dalton lets out a cry, a happy one, “that’s a ring, kevin day,” he whispers, and nods.  “yes.  yes, come here.”  he leans down and kisses kevin, “of course i’ll marry you.” and he pulls kevin to stand so that he can hug him.

kevin laughs, relieved and happy.  he wipes away the little tears on dalton’s cheeks and kisses him.  dalton’s hand is shaking as he slides the ring on.  people are cheering.

wait, what?

kevin turns, arm around dalton’s waist, and there are three people cheering from canoes.  one of them is standing, whistling.  “yeah, kevin day!  that’s our olympian!”

dalton’s laughing, grinning at kevin, who’s smiling so hard it hurts.  he turns kevin’s head to kiss him.  “that’s my olympian.”

and after a few minutes of just standing in pure bliss, the girl with the camera approaches them.  “i hope you don’t mind, i happened to get some pictures of the proposal, if you want i could email them to you?  and i-i can take some engagement pictures of you guys real quick?  if you wanted?”  kevin can tell she’s a fan, but he uses it to their advantage because he can tell dalton wants to say yes.

the rest of the day, all dalton can do is stare at his ring, at kevin, and at the pictures.  when they’re lying in bed, bare and sheets pulled up just past their waists, dalton has his arm around kevin who’s lying on his chest.  his left hand is outstretched, and he’s got love in his eyes.  “i can’t believe you just did that,” he says.

kevin, eyes closed, hums.  “it was the scariest thing i’ve done in years,” he mumbles.

“you literally just competed in the olympics.”

“i’m well aware.  do you not want to be more important?”

dalton grins, wiggling his fingers.  it’ll be a miracle if kevin can get him to not look at the ring for longer than five minutes.  “no, no, i’ll accept it.”

“good.”  kevin picks up his head so he can press a kiss to dalton’s chin.

[eyes-of-mischief]

weekly fic recs | 5

fandoms: aftg, aot, hq, tgcf, mdzs

aftg

Except When It's No by TheRainbowElectric

It doesn't make sense. Neil was fine. More than fine. He’s safe at home with Andrew, and this should be the best possible ending to one of Neil’s best days, but when Neil squeezes his eyes shut, all he can see is — Riko grinning with vicious pleasure as he slices Neil open. Riko’s eyes reflecting the glow of the lighter licking Neil’s skin. Riko laughing as a tattoo gun needle digs into Neil’s cheek. Riko, Riko, Riko, smothering and impossible to escape. Panic knifes through Neil as he yanks uselessly against the handcuffs. No, no, no — And then he’s saying it aloud, “No, no, no,” because there isn't a gag cutting into the sides of his mouth. Because Neil isn’t at Evermore. He’s at home with Andrew, who’s right there when Neil opens his eyes — only near the foot of the bed now, not touching Neil at all. Neil has long gotten used to reading the faint shades of emotion that pass for expressions on Andrew’s face. But never, not even in Andrew's medicated, manically expressive days, has Neil seen Andrew wear anything like his current look of horrified shock.

Neil agrees to try the handcuffs in bed. It goes badly. Cue angst and h/c.

flour petals, sugar stitches by ephemeralsky

“Thanks for coming with me,” she says, keeping her eyes trained in front of her.

“It is not like I had a choice in the matter,” Andrew says, blowing out a stream of smoke through his mouth.

Renee’s lips curl into a smile. “Maybe you’ll win our next sparring match and I’ll finally have to buy you ten cartons of Haagen-Dazs.”

“It cannot be worse than tagging along to a bridal boutique.”

“Maybe,” Renee allows, humor in her voice. “But what kind of man of honor would you be if you didn’t come with me to choose a dress?”

(or: Andrew is a baker, Renee is a bride-to-be, and Neil is a dressmaker)

aot

Professionalism by Mysecretfanmoments

Modern AU where Eren is a professional cuddler and Levi is his client. Submission for day 3 of EreRi week: Cuddling.

Enigma by Alias_InsertName

(mature)

Where their story begins underground and not separated by bars.

Or

Levi and Eren met and fell in love years before the attack on Wall Maria.

The same story, another beginning.

haikyuu

daisy rings and frivolous things (i am deliriously in love with you) by gabstar

Akaashi Keiji is in love. Bokuto Koutarou is a star. Everyone on Fukurodani has a gambling problem.

feel like gold by Heronfem

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

mdzs

love some littler things by shipyrds

He doesn’t regret— no. Start over. He would do it again.

He thinks, sometimes, about how it had gone, when he cannot distract himself any longer with calligraphy exercises or trying to grow increasingly exotic plants behind the jingshi. He runs through the sequence of events again and again, wearing a groove in them, the way he had once recited the clan rules. — When the Wens come for Lotus Pier, Lan Wangji jumps in front of a blast intended for Wei Wuxian and loses his core.

bodies and other unfamiliar things by moonfrost_shash (sunkitten_shash)

(mature)

It was such a small, stupid thing, Wei Wuxian thought sometimes, but—he missed his body.

Sometimes—not always, but sometimes—maybe oftentimes—when Wei Wuxian looked in the mirror, he couldn't see himself. A face that wasn’t his own stared back at him, blinking along with him, and he felt an ache deep inside him to see himself once again.

Wei Wuxian, Who's That? by bumbledees

In which Wei Wuxian gets himself out of being Jin Sect enemy number one by becoming Lan Qiren's niece-in-law, and falls in love with Lan Wangji somewhere along the way.

tgcf

to the stars who listen by moonsteps

“San Lang,” says Xie Lian. “How long?”

Hua Cheng hums, but it falls flat. “How long what?”

“How long,” Xie Lian repeats, “have you had such dreams?”

(Or: Hua Cheng has nightmares. Xie Lian wakes up one morning and finds he can hear them.)

Something Like Soulmates by zacechild

While still the mortal Crown Prince of Xian Le, Xie Lian received a terrifying prediction about his future marriage: he was fated to live in the lap of luxury as the bride of a great and powerful demon, with strength enough to shake the foundations of Heaven itself!

Eight hundred years later, Hua Cheng--a great and powerful demon--threatens to storm Heaven with his demonic army if he's not given Xie Lian's hand in marriage within three days.

ten feet tall by parsnipit

“I wanted to be beautiful for Dianxia,” Hua Cheng admits quietly, ducking his head. “I wanted you to think I was beautiful.”

“I did. I do.” Dianxia’s fingers touch the line of his deathscar. “But ah, San Lang, you are really wise, aren’t you?”

“...Dianxia?��

“To voice your insecurities like this,” Dianxia explains, “where your gege can help you fight them. How clever of my San Lang!”

[emmettsleftnut]

The Cullens learn about Bella’s Childhood.

Bella and Edward are sitting on a couch in the lounge of the Cullen house, still getting to know each other ((Imagine chapter 14 of Midnight Sun)) The other Cullens are sitting in the next room, not entirely listening in, but due to enhanced senses are in easy hearing distance. Bella is lying in Edwards’ lap with her legs across the couch, her back against his chest. He is sitting against the side of the couch, his legs either side of Bella’s, with another round of 20 questions.

“Tell me about your first date.” I said. Surely she had been on plenty of dates before, even if she got half the attention she gets here. “Hah! never been on one” She replied, obvious conquest in her voice. It sounded like she thought she had won something.

“Surely you’re joking Bella, you get more attention than any other female in this town, you can’t expect me to believe-” “Except for Rosalie!” I chuckled, and I’m sure I heard Emmet and Jasper laugh quietly from the next room “Sure, except for Rosalie.” I paused, waiting for her to go on. “Yeah, no dates for me. What can I say, forks is a once off.” I didn’t believe that for a moment, surely if the boys here found her so insanely captivating, the boys from Phoenix couldn’t be so different that they would show no interest whatsoever. “Turn the qualifications for a ‘date’ at the lowest possible setting, still no?” I questioned, surely this would get some sort of answer from her “Still a no cowboy, I’m a fresh slate when it comes to the dating world.” You and me both, i thought. Suddenly Alice’s thoughts from the next room caught my attention ‘Did she seriously just call him cowboy?” I chuckled to myself, I’ll never get used to the colloquial language this generation uses, no matter how much time I spend with them. 

“I just never had time y’know,” she continued “I always had so much to do I never had enough free time to think about it, even if i really wanted to.” Free time, I never really thought about that idea. When I think of Bella, I think of books. Does she not include reading as free time because reading is technically a task? Or was there something that occupied enough time that she could barely have time to read, something she loved so much. “When you say you didn’t have any free time, what do you mean by that? Don’t tell me you spent so much time reading you never met anyone new?” She chuckled, I didn’t think what I had said was funny, but her reaction still put a smile on my face.

“No no, nothing like that, I’m not so much of a hermit that I spend all my time indoors you know.” I took a turn to chuckle this time, but before I could press for further information, she gave it to me without prompt “running a house is hard work you know, it doesn’t leave you with much time to spare.” I stiffened, running a house? What did she mean by that? Was it another expression I was too uninformed to understand, or did she mean it literally. Suddenly i heard all of the conversation in the next room go silent, not that it was loud enough for a human to hear before so I’m positive Bella would not have noticed, but what was odd to me was that thoughts seemed quiet as well, as if everyone in the next room had suddenly taken interest in something. It didn’t take me long to figure out that what they were suddenly interested in was our conversation. 

I suddenly heard Emmet say ‘What? What are you all listening to?’ He was interrupted with shushing and the room once again went silent, how bizarre. “Edward?” Bella interrupted my brooding “Is.. everything ok?” she seemed cautious “Yes everything is fine, I was just processing what you said. What did you mean by running a house” She paused to think about that for a moment, I found myself holding in a non existent breath. 

“Well,” she started “My mother wasn’t much of a homebody. I’ve told you that she was adventurous and would always rather be outdoors than inside, always on some escapade of some sort. Regardless, someone had to tend to the home, that someone was me.” I pondered that for a moment, although not for long as she soon started again “I can’t remember exactly when it started, around when I was four I think, maybe five? I learned quickly though, cleaning was always easy, Renee said that she was allergic to dust, and that the detergent from the dishes hurt her skin so I would always end up cleaning the place. Just paper towels and cleaning solution y’know? Vacuuming, washing dishes, meal prep, doing laundry and the like, nothing crazily difficult, all kids did that sort of thing, y’know?”

Did normal children do things like that? From my knowledge, which I’ll admit is limited in the subject, most human children were just expected to pick up after themselves and not much else, how much could a child truly do. “Go on” I encouraged, she seemed reluctant, maybe I was too tense? I loosened my posture and this seemed to calm her slightly.

“As I got older I was able to do much more, by six I was able to cook full meals” she chuckled without humour “My mother wasn’t home much, or if she was, she was planning her next adventure. I had to talk her down from a lot of them, skydiving and cliff jumping with flying suits, she’s terrified of heights but only I seemed to remember that.” She pondered for a moment, thinking, I decided. “I was told that I had more capabilities than most college students, although I’m not sure if that’s true. I did taxes, budgeting, paid bills, cooked each day, cleaned the house when I came home from school, and did any school stuff I had to do after that, so yeah, limited free time.” 

I was taken aback by this, ‘so yeah’ she had said as if it was no big feat that she was doing all of this. “You make it sound like she was never around, like you lived on your own or something?” I asked, unsure how she would respond. She just chuckled again and said “ah it felt like that every now and again, since I was in school I had to stay home to go each day so sometimes I would be. She would want to go on a trip, I had to go to school or tend to the house so I would stay home while she went out to god knows where. Then when she got home, I’d feed her, listen to the details of her trip, then watch her plan her next one. Don’t get me wrong I went on them with her when I could, but I had a lot on my plate.”

I was speechless, she had just stated that she was essentially an adult before she had even reached double digits in age, but assumed this was normal. “Bella, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think that’s normal for children of that age.” I said warily, she scoffed and said “Come on I’m sure its fine, most kids have to do chores around the house and cook and all that, just because I did some extras every now and again doesn’t mean my life was overly difficult.”I thought about this for a moment, maybe this really wasn’t as bizarre as I thought. No, no that couldn’t be, I was sure that children usually spent their childhoods making friends and having fun, not filing taxes and cooking meals. 

“Bella, exactly how often were you left alone?” “Most of the time.” she said quite quickly, as if she didn’t need to think about this at all. “Can you elaborate on ‘most of the time?’” I said, once again wary. “Maybe 70 to 80% of the time, I’m not entirely sure but my mother was out quite a lot.” It sounded to me like Renee wasn’t as much of a parent as Bella had said, more of an obligated holder, like Bella was just some sort of possession that she could leave behind. This angered me, Bella had talked about her mother as if she was some sort of admirable figure, yet she would leave her daughter home alone for the sake of what? an adventure?

“You ok?” She asked, I had only just realised I had been silent for a while now “Just thinking” I answered “Penny for your thoughts?” “I’m just unsure about the dynamic, you speak very highly of your mother Bella but I’m starting to become unsure as to why. From what you’ve said, it seems like she doesn’t deserve the praise you give her.” She seemed to tense at this comment, but I continued.

“You say that she left you alone so much of the time, but speak of her as if she never left you alone a day in your life. She would adventure and prance, but leave you alone at home to cook and clean and do your own schoolwork, you must have been so alone Bella.” Her breathing was becoming shaky, I felt bad about continuing but I wanted to try and figure out why she viewed her mother so highly. 

“Your literary capability is so high because once you had finished taking care of a whole house, you had no one to talk to, so you would just read, am I right?” “You’re not wrong but-” “And you learned to cook and clean and take care of yourself because you had no choice, if you didn’t, you would be the one who suffered for it. Am I right?” “yes, you’re right” she said quietly, snuggling into my chest further. I couldn’t exactly make out her tone but I continued again. “Bella, that’s not okay love. This is no issue of yours but I worry that you had to live in an environment like that.” “Its okay” she finally said, I wrapped my arms around her, I could tell she was aware that how her mother had treated wasn’t okay, but she had just decided it was how it would be for her. “That’s just how it turned out for me, okay? I may have been lonely, and tired and had to learn fast but thats just how it is. I could’ve had it much worse, I didn’t get harmed or suffer some mysterious illness,” she looked up at me “sorry.” I laughed quietly, she seemed to think I would take offence at the mention of getting an illness, I may have died of the flu but I’m sure she knew I wasn’t that fragile.

“Shoot” She suddenly said, staring down at my arm, wiggling in an attempt to get up. “What is it Bella, are you okay?” I said releasing her and sitting her up on the couch, turning around to sit beside her. “Yes yes I’m fine I just realised how late it is, I have to get home and sort dinner for Charlie” she was still holding my arm, I realised she was looking at the black banded, silver watch on my wrist. Looks like we had both lost track of time, I looked outside to see the sun almost completely set “I see, let me give you a ride home.” “No no you’re fine, I’ll drive myself. See you later my love.”  She gave me a quick kiss and dashed down the stairs and out the door before I could get another word in. For an exceptionally clumsy human, she could move quite fast.

I sat for a moment, contemplating our conversation, only now realising that the thoughts in the next room were starting to become louder again and I could hear quiet conversation begin. I got up and stalked into the room, dropping myself in an empty armchair amongst the pure white couches. To my left Esme, Carlisle and Alice were all sitting on the couch, exchanging looks, Rosalie and Emmett on the couch to my right, Jasper standing by the floor length window, looking into the forest, deep in thought it seemed. I didn’t look to see what he was thinking specifically, I couldn’t imagine it was anything I would be interested in.

Esme spoke first, looking at me with her natural maternal look somehow more intense on her face. “I’m sorry Edward, we had to listen” She seemed upset at herself so I responded quickly to try and calm her “It’s okay Esme, I know you all are trying to learn more about her. What are your thoughts.” They all seemed to think on it for a moment, all except for Rosalie, who must have done her thinking before I entered the room, she had her opinion concrete, but was waiting for someone else to begin it seemed, or she wouldn’t share it at all. Alice spoke next “Its a shame Edward, it really is. She’s so lovely and kind, and such a good friend to me,” I shot her a look “she WILL be a good friend to me, I frankly hated hearing it, she sounded so upset at having to face it, funny how conversations can change so quickly. A few scattered nods could be seen throughout the room “It doesn’t seem entirely fair, does it?” Carlisle spoke next “She truly is a lovely girl, and although she doesn’t see it she was raised in a neglectful household, yet somehow she still has so much respect for her mother.” “I certainly wouldn’t treat a child that way, however irritating they may be, children deserve love more than anything else” Rosalie spoke quietly, surprising us all, she was never one to feel any positive emotions towards Bella. Well I guess she didn't feel them towards Bella specifically, but in this case Bella was the child in question. Jasper walked towards us and sat down besides Alice. “I can’t say I enjoyed myself either, she definitely wasn’t enjoying herself during your little conversation,” 

All eyes were on Jasper now, he was the last person anyone expected to be emotionally invested in any affair to do with Bella, pun entirely intended “I’m not sure if you’re right Carlisle, judging by what she felt at least, I’m no expert on humans, but she seemed to know.” “What do you mean by that Jasper, what do you mean ‘seemed to know’?” Carlisle responded, obviously confused by his newest sons revelation “She seemed almost numb to what Edward was saying, as if she had heard it before on a lesser scale. It was only when Edward really began to tell it like it is that I saw a real change.” “Which was?” Carlisle urged him on “She seemed almost regretful, I don’t read minds so I obviously can’t tell what exactly she was thinking, but she seemed to feel truly awful for speaking ill of her mother, although she had said nothing that could be considered close to trash talking. I think she knows how she was treated is something that should never be expected from a parent, but she feels as if she owes it to her mother for housing and caring for her, even if she was missing most of the time.” We all looked at him, how he had picked up so much would have to be due to his gift of emotional intelligence, or maybe he was just feeling especially perceptive today. 

“Edward you love her, don’t you?” Esme suddenly said, breaking our silence, all eyes were back on me now “I do Esme, more than I could possibly describe.” “That settles it then,” she spoke with conviction “We will just have to show her how a family should operate, how a true family treats each other. We may not be the cookie cutter definition, but I love you all as my children, and Edward, I love her too. Anyone who you choose to spend your forever with, is a daughter of mine.” She walked over and hugged me, a huge smile all the way across her face causing her eyes to almost fully close. I squeezed her and let her go, looking into her eyes “Thanks mum, that means a lot to me and I’m sure it will mean the world to her.” Emmet chimed in then, jumping to his feet “Well, if I’m getting a sister she best be down for some roughhousing, I’ll show her how siblings REALLY interact.” He also had a smile on his face, cracking his knuckles. “Emmett, she’s human, remember. Maybe let’s keep the physical jabs to a minimum, and focus on verbal jabs instead. What’s life without a healthy dose of your humour.” 

His smile dropped for a moment then returned with even more gusto. “You’re right you’re right I’m hilarious.” He plopped himself back on the couch next to Rosalie at the same time Esme returned to her seat by Carlisle, grabbing and squeezing his hand. “It’s settled then” Carlisle spoke “Since our Edward has chosen to spend his forever with Bella, we will do the same. Anyone that someone in our family choses to love and care for will be just as loved and cared for by the rest of us. Bella is our family now, she has chosen you and you have chosen her, let’s show her just how loving this family can be.”

A/N: I have never written anything like this before so I apologise if it sucks, I hope you all at least get the sentiment.

[youknow-igetit]

i’ve always had the headcanon that neil learns how to pole dance and dan helps teach him and i saw someone else post something similar to it (iconic of them, really) and it made me want to elaborate on my hc

some days, neil wakes up and he can’t stand looking in the mirror

he look in the mirror and despite the scars on his face and hands and the vibrant orange hoodie and the chipped nail polish on his hands, all he sees is his father’s eyes and hair and cold smile

so he usually finds himself at the gym building, blasting music in his ears and facing away from the wall of mirrors as he purposefully overworks himself so he’s too exhausted to care about the cold smile that he knows well

either that or he’s in the basement, hitting a punching bag with taped knuckles and pretending that the canvas is his father’s face, lola’s, romero’s, sometimes even his mother’s

one morning he wakes up at four with the phantom pains of hundreds of knives wracking his body

he can’t go back to sleep, so he heads to the gym and picks the lock to the basement

he’s so caught up in his own head that he walks right past the room full of punching bags and opens the door next to it

despite it being in the basement, the room has the same high ceilings as the upper floors, maybe twenty or twenty five feet

there’s no equipment that neil can see in the dark room, nothing except for the mats covering the floor and four vertical poles bolted to the floor and ceiling

he’s confused at first but then... oh

he’d obviously heard of pole dancing as a sport, he remembered seeing the words on the gym directory

but actually seeing the poles, he was kind of intrigued

but he backed out and went into the right room and ran himself down, and despite heaving on the floor, he felt like he could finally breathe

he was exhausted by the time the exy team started trickling into the main gym to do their workouts, but he honestly didn’t care about the stern talking-to kevin was attempting to administer

over the next week, inexplicably, neil’s mind kept going back to the room with the poles. he found himself watching pole dancing competition videos and tutorials and reading articles on different products that help to stay on the pole

on another one of Those Days, he finds himself purposefully breezing right past the boxing room and opening the door to the pole dancing room

he turns on the light, which is still dim, and walks nervously up to the pole in the far right corner

he’s bad at first. not as bad as he thought he’d be, but still bad. youtube isnt exactly the best coach

but he comes back the next day. and the next. and it eventually becomes a regular thing as he becomes better at it. sometimes, when his school workload isn’t heavy, he spends his free periods between classes practicing.

he never sees anyone else there, no matter what time, and he likes it that way. he gets more confident in himself, eventually ending up stripping down to just his briefs as he learns new moves

he doesn’t tell anyone about it. it’s not that he’s ashamed, but the idea of the ex-mafia kid exy player spending his free time pole dancing? it was a little embarrassing

like andrew knows in general where he is at those times but he doesn’t know/care what neil’s doing there. he guesses its just more things to do with exy

and kevin is suspicious but when is he not

but all in all no one finds out

until

one day it’s like three pm and he had the most annoying argument with the TA and he’s still pissed as he descends the stairs to the basement of the gym, just wanting to dance and blow off some steam

he bursts through the door and stops abruptly as the person whirls around

“dan?”

“neil?”

they both kind of just stand there for a moment before neil’s like “sorry, i was--uh, the boxing room is right next to this one and--”

“you were planning on boxing?”

“uh huh”

“in skinny jeans?” dan raised an unimpressed eyebrow

neil glanced down. he was wearing skinny jeans. “um.”

neil shifts nervously. “what are you doing here? nobody ever goes in here.”

“I was just--” dan pauses. “wait, this is where you’re going when you disappear?”

neil rubs the back of his neck. “kinda, yeah”

“kinda or definitely”

so neil tells her everything, about how he’s been going there for months and teaching himself how to dance and whatnot

dan is highkey impressed and asks him if he wants her to teach him anything

“what?”

“I used to be a stripper, neil.”

“oh. right.”

“no, you’re okay. it’s just... i kind of missed it. not the stripper part, but during the day, when the club was closed and my sisters were teaching me. it didn’t feel like it was for anyone. it was for me....it was liberating.”

neil nods. “i get that”

so dan ends up joining in on his practices more often than not

at first neil’s kinda uncomfortable being so physically exposed around someone that wasn’t andrew

but he finds a weird comfort with dan, both of them in just their undergarments swinging around on poles in a big empty room with music playing out of one of their phones

dan ends up teaching neil a bunch of moves she knows, like how to bend over upside-down and spin with just thighs

“and if you twist like this, it shows off your ass”

they also end up talking a lot, about random things, but dan also tells him a lot about her stage sisters and what her high school life was like and in turn neil ends up talking a bit about his life on the run

they also end up talking a lot about their relationships, like how dan learns that andrew likes to snuggle (dan is astounded) and neil learns that matt sleeps with his socks on (neil is apalled)

some of the foxes notice that dan has joined in with neil’s disappearances and she tells them that she’s teaching him “how to be a captain for you assholes. it’s hard fucking work, i’m giving him seminars about you little shits”

but one day matt comes up to neil during practice and he’s like “hey neil can i talk to you”

and neil’s like “you’re talking to me now”

“no i mean like later”

neil’s like ?? but he agrees

after practice everyone leaves the locker room except for matt

he nervously sits down on the bench so once neil’s done he hesitantly sits next to him

“what’s up?”

matt’s acting shifty and weird and isn’t look at neil’s face

“so um, i need you to be honest with me, okay? and i know you wouldn’t do this, but i’ve been having doubts and i just--” matt sighs. “is dan cheating on me with you?”

neil is... absolutely pissed

“what the fuck?!”

“i mean, like, you guys have been disappearing off on your own and then you come back sweaty and flushed--”

“we work out together”

“but she’s always smiling and content after!”

“i literally have a partner”

“that doesn’t stop a lot of people, neil”

“don’t you remember that i don’t swing? dan’s like my sister, matt” neil is surprised when he says it and finds that he’s being truthful. “dan loves you. she’d never hurt you like that. stop selling yourself short.”

matt nods and neil leaves

the next time dan and neil practice together, the next day, dan asks him about matt and neil tells her everything

“i think he’s just paranoid that you’re leaving at the end of the year” neil spins around and hooks his ankles around the pole

“yeah... i’ll talk to him” dan sighs and wraps an arm around the pole and hoists herself up a few inches

“if you’re fine with it, he can come to our next practice”

“you’re sure?” a few weeks ago, neil had told dan how insecure he was about his scars and they both enjoyed the privacy they had at the practice room

“yeah. it’s just matt”

they twirl around for a while, soft music playing from dan’s phone, the artist singing something about being sorry that she fell in love with someone while they were in a hotel room

“what about your boy?” dan asks

“what about him?”

“does he ever doubt you?”

neil shrugs, as well as he can while upside down “we trust each other”

dan thinks for a minute. “are you going to show andrew too?” dan motions to the room with her foot. “i’m fine with it if you are”

so later that day, back at the dorm, neil turns in his bean bag and asks andrew if he wants to come to his and dan’s next practice

andrew replies with a “not particularly”

“don’t you want to see what we do?”

“not really. you don’t ask me to watch renee and i spar.”

“yeah but that’s cause it your guys’ thing. also, dan and i definitely don’t spar”

“it’s still your thing.”

“i wouldn’t ask you to come if i didn’t want you to”

andrew looked at him before saying “you’re insufferable.” neil knew that meant he’d be there

so the next day finds dan and neil leading matt and andrew down their familiar basement path

andrew shows no reaction to the poles except for a quirk in his left eyebrow (neil knows he’s very surprised)

matt, on the other hand, says “this is what you guys have been doing?”

neil nods and takes his shirt and pants off, which leads to another shocked sound out of matt and another raised eyebrow from andrew. (that’s both raised eyebrows. neil’s never done that. he takes it as an achievement. andrew’s eyes tell him not to read too much into it. neil smirks)

andrew leans up against one of the untouched poles as neil talks to matt about liquid chalk as dan takes her own clothes off

matt sits down on the edge of a mat as they start practicing. after a few minutes neil almost forgets that there are two more people in the room than usual, the only giveaway being andrew’s sharp eyes never leaving him and matt’s amazed “ooh”s and “ahh”s

after the alarm on dan’s phone beeped to tell them that their hour and a half were up, matt stood up as the two stepped away from their poles

neil started pulling on his clothes as matt went “I--um--that’s--that was--”

neil picks up his bag and starts walking toward the door, knowing that andrew’s following

“don’t fuck near my pole” he calls, and he can hear dan laugh as he shuts the door

andrew is silent all the way to the dorm

later on the roof, he asks “why?”

neil sighs. “it makes my mind quiet. suspended like that, fifteen feet in the air, the only thing that’s keeping me from falling is me. it’s not like exy, where I have to rely on my teammates. It’s... it’s finding trust in my body.” he looks down at him scarred hands, at the one interlaced with andrew’s. “also my father would never pole dance. neither would my mom. god, she’d be so pissed.”

neil smiles

“what do you think about it?” neil asked as andrew took another drag on his cigarette

“it doesn’t matter what i think”

“it matters to me.”

“I hate you.”

“mmhm. don’t i know it.”

they were quiet as they watched the sun slowly dip over the horizon

“you’re more flexible than i thought”

“what’s that supposed to mean”

“it means i liked it. you are as confident at pole dancing as you are at playing exy.”

“are you telling me that you like when i play exy?”

“shut up. yes or no?” he flicks aside his cigarette at neil’s yes

a few days later, matt apologizes to neil for his assumptions. he ends up convincing neil and dan into entering a pole dancing competition that takes place a few weeks after the championship game

they end up winning third place

(the competition was recorded and put on youtube. neil’s proud. he catches andrew watching the video more than once)

(when kevin finds out about it he practically combusts and tells neil how bad it is for his exy career and what will pro teams think blah blah blah neil doesn’t care)

after dan graduates, neil and her keep up their practices through facetime

the next year they’re able to win first place

[neilmfjosten]

aftg quotes that make me go absolutely feral

“You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.” “I’m not a hallucination,” Neil said, nonplussed. “You are a pipe dream,” Andrew said.”

Thank you," he finally said. He couldn't say he meant thanks for all of it: the keys, the trust, the honesty and the kisses. Hopefully Andrew would figure it out eventually. "You were amazing.”

“Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?"Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did.”

This,” Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, “isn’t worthless.” “There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.” “And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.”

“I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?" "Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." The world tilted a little bit sideways. Neil dug his shoes harder into the floor so he wouldn't fall over. "You like me." "I hate you," Andrew corrected him, but Neil barely heard him.”

“Andrew kissed him like this was a fight with their lives on the line, like his world stopped and started with Neil’s mouth.”

“You know, I get it. Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court— yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you’re physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.”

“Yes or no?" "It's always yes with you." "Except when it's no." "If you have to keep asking because—I'll answer it as many times as you ask. But this is always going to be yes.”

“Better luck next time, Neil," he said. "I warned you once already, didn't I? I don't feel anything." “Anymore," Neil said, barely a whisper.”

“Ninety percent of the time the very sight of you makes me want to commit murder. I think about carving the skin from your body and hanging it out as a warning to every other fool who thinks he can stand in my way." “What about the other ten?”

“If it means losing you, then no.”

“Truth is irrefutable and untainted by bias. Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths.”

“Don't look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren’t mine.”

“Andrew flicked his pack of cigarettes at Neil. "Give me one good reason to not push you off the side." Neil shook a stick out and lit it. "I'd drag you with me. It's a long way down.”

“Let Riko be King," Kevin said, with the exaggerated enunciation of the thoroughly sloshed. "Most coveted, most protected. He'll sacrifice every piece he has to protect his throne. Whatever. Me?" Kevin gestured again, meaning to indicate himself but too drunk to get his hand higher than his waist. "I'm going to be the deadliest piece on the board."

“It's always been 'go'. It's always been 'lie' and 'hide' and 'disappear'. I've never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. But Coach gave me keys to the court, and you told me to stay. You gave me a key and called it home.”

“"No, but really," Nicky said, looking wide-eyed at Neil. "What happened?" "Neil hit Riko," Matt said. "It was beautiful.”

“Kevin was silent for an endless minute, then said, "You should be Court." It was barely a whisper, but it cut Neil to the bone. It was a resentful goodbye to the bright future Kevin had wanted for Neil. Kevin recruited Neil because he believed in Neil's potential. He brought him to the Foxes intending to make a star athlete out of him. Despite his condescending attitude and his dismissals of Neil's best efforts Kevin honestly expected Neil to make the national team after graduation. Now Kevin knew it was all for naught; Neil would be dead by May. "Will you still teach me?" Neil asked. Kevin was quiet again, but not for long this time. "Every night.”

“You never explained the change of heart." “Maybe I got tired of seeing Kevin bend. Or maybe it was the zombies. A few weeks back you and Renee argued contingency plans for a zombie apocalypse. She said she'd focus on survivors. You said you'd go back for some of us. Five of us. You weren't counting Abby or Coach. Since you trust Renee to handle the rest of the team, I'm guessing the last spot is for Dobson. I didn't say anything then because I knew I'd look out for only me when the world went to hell. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to go back for you.”

“Is your learning curve a horizontal line?”

“I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be.”

“I will ask you only once to tone down that animosity." "I can't," Neil said. "I have a bit of an attitude problem."

“My name is Nathaniel Wesninski," he said, "and my father is dead." It wasn't at all funny, but a second later he was laughing. It sounded hysterical but he couldn't stop.”

“You couldn't at least use an Exy idiom? I hate baseball.”

“Neil sucked in a deep breath that ripped him open on its way down. "I'd ask you how it feels, but I guess you've always known what it's like to be second, you worthless piece of shit.”

“This was everything he wanted, everything he needed, and Neil was never letting go.”

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

Neil Josten's Playlist Part 1: Andrew

Masterpost and link to the playlist in its entirety

These songs are going to be the biggest chunk of the playlist. Are we surprised?

Okay here we go:

1. Take Me To Church - Hozier

I was not joking about Neil being a Hozier fan. You cannot tell me this boy doesn’t hear this song on the radio and immediately think of Andrew. Every time it came on he’d make sure the radio stayed on the station so he could listen all the way through. It got overplayed but he’s probably the only person in the world who never got sick of it at the time. He got used to listening to the same songs over and over again with his mom, so he's even comforted by repeating songs now.

5. Stay - Rihanna & Mikky Ekko

So one night, after several nightmares within the span of a few hours, Neil wasn’t too proud to admit that he absolutely wasn’t going to get any decent sleep that night. Andrew took him on a long drive without even having to be asked. The silence was shoving Neil even further into his thoughts, so Andrew turned on the radio. He settled on a station that was playing softer music that Neil probably wouldn’t hate, and he just kept driving. Once this song came on, Neil became enamored with it. It’s another one of those songs that makes him think of Andrew, but it’s more because he listens to the lyrics and realizes Andrew has said half of these things to him. It’s now a song that, even years later when he and Andrew are living in separate states and desperately trying to land contracts with the same team, Neil listens to on bad nights.

6. River - Bishop Briggs

Listen... this is just another really solid Andreil song.......... and I’m absolutely positive this is a song that Neil would like. Let me have this.

For Neil everything with Andrew is simultaneously loud and quiet and intense and gentle and hard and soft. He’s never known someone to make him feel so much yet calm him down from panic to nothing so smoothly. Even their intimacy holds so much complexity and weight to it. This is a song I feel like Andrew introduced him to, because it absolutely makes him think of Neil too (not that he'd say that out loud).

8. Dreams - The Cranberries

Renee likes the Cranberries and she got Andrew into them too. Andrew pretends this song doesn’t make him think about Neil but no one is actually fooled by that when they catch him listening to it. Least of all Neil because he feels the same thing listening to the lyrics. Not much explanation past that. Neil vibes with this song right from the opening lyrics (”Oh, my life is changing every day in every possible way”), to the comparison of a lover to a dream (he still remembers when Andrew called him a pipedream, even if he didn’t understand at the time), to the vocal breaks in the middle and at the end where it just sounds like someone singing their soul right out of their body.

Neil is a private person and not someone to ever scream his love from rooftops. But that doesn’t mean the concept doesn’t hit him deep. He’s been through a lot and he’s come out the other end with a love of his own that’s deeper and more than anything he ever imagined. His lack of expressing passion about most things (Andrew) doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel incredibly passionate about certain things in a way that cuts deep. He found love and it’s incredible

12. Easily - Bruno Major

I've mentioned this previously, but I hc that Andrew and Neil almost broke up in Neil’s last year at Palmetto. Not going to get into it, but this song had a big part in pulling Neil through that whole year, ESPECIALLY the situation with Andrew. Maybe I’ll make a separate, more detailed post about that sometime. But basically I hc that neither of them were in good spots emotionally. And Andrew was very close to giving up on everything - including Neil.

They managed to pull through and stop one another from giving up on it all, even when things got really hard.

15. Sunlight - Hozier

No I’m not done with the Hozier songs. Did I say I was done with the Hozier songs? Not gonna happen.

Anyway so the story of this song is he was talking with Allison and Nicky once about music and their SOs (well he was listening more than talking but he wasn’t ignoring them), and Nicky outright asked him if there was a song that made him think of Andrew. He’d heard this one for the first time recently and it was just the most recent of many songs that make him think of Andrew, so he threw it out there to humor them. They hadn’t heard it but were very doubtful that any song titled “Sunlight” could have anything to do with Andrew at all, so he showed it to them. They didn’t really change their minds and instead Allison went on another tirade about how Neil is gone for Andrew in a way that Andrew couldn’t possibly be for him and how she was worried for him. Nicky stood up for his cousin a bit, but ultimately was still agreeing with Allison to a degree that Neil may be expecting more than what Andrew could give him blah, blah, blah.

Neil wasn’t happy. Instead he found himself latching onto this song even further and becoming even more assured that it was a song for Andrew. Just because the others refused to understand who Andrew really is and the ways he’s learning to grow and heal and the fact that he’s someone worth loving god dammit, doesn’t mean Andrew is the monster they make him out to be.

For a while afterwards, he’ll put this song on if he’s ever given the aux cord. Because he’s petty. If Andrew catches on to what he’s trying to do, he never says anything.

19. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

This is definitely a song that makes Neil think of Andrew, though he'd never tell him that. They have both played both parts in this song, and it makes Neil's heart ache to think of all the bad nights that they weren't there for one another - whether it was distance or stubbornness or just general shitty circumstance. They both can get so trapped in their own heads in different (and sometimes similar) ways, and they're relationship has really been built in a lot of ways on the depth of emotional support they've learned to give one another in rough times. That steadiness, that presence that stays by you and keeps you grounded even when you want to crawl out of your own skin and hide somewhere far away. That is what they give one another.

24. Day After Day - Badfinger

This is another one he used to listen to with his mother, but he didn't really latch onto it until his final year at Palmetto when he and Andrew were doing long-distance. He learned in that year just how sentimental he had become in some ways. He finds it in the bone-deep longing he gets on late nights when he just wishes he could lie in bed next to Andrew - because he knew that's when he sleeps best. He'd listen to this song and let himself wallow for a little while, and then eventually put it away and carry on because he didn't have the time to slow down and feel things too hard.

Things are much better now and he doesn't feel as bad when he listens to the song. It's just a pleasant sound he leans into sometimes.

26. Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House

This is another one that he first heard from his mother, but kept for himself without allowing it to be stained with her memory. It is one of those ones he listened to a great deal during his last year when things with Andrew got hard. He committed himself to not letting him go or breaking off what they had unless Andrew ever directly asked him to. He couldn't find it in himself to ever do that.

This song reminds him of that commitment and helps him stay strong with it, for better or worse. Everyone was convinced from the beginning that either Neil was bad for Andrew (Aaron) or Andrew was bad for Neil (everyone else except Renee and Nicky basically). This reminds him that he knows Andrew better. He knows HIMSELF better. He knows they aren't perfect, but he refuses to let himself fall into their blocked mentality where they choose to be blind to the reality of Andrew's character (or his own for that matter). He knows they are good together. He knows they help one another, they don't hold each other back. And he refuses to give up on them unless Andrew asks him to.

28. How Deep Is Your Love - The Bird and The Bee

This is another final-year-at-Palmetto one. He stumbles across this song while listening to one of Robin's playlists while he was driving her to practice. Listen to the lyrics and hear just how Andreil this song is. It fits so well, and Neil has to pull over and collect himself for a moment when he first hears it. It had been an especially rough week and he'd been struggling trying to balance giving Andrew space and support with communicating his own needs. This gives him the push he needs. He calls him later that night to talk and their time apart starts getting a bit more bearable for it.

29. TALK ME DOWN - Troye Sivan

This was Andrew's song that made him think of Neil. In every way. He found it while they were doing long distance. Neil first heard it on a midnight drive they took while he was visiting Andrew. They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to. Neil eventually asked him why he listens to this one when his taste is usually much louder stuff. He was expecting a stoically-delivered joke denying any potential relation to Neil or a comment about how Nicky got it stuck in his head or something while they were video chatting one weekend. Instead, Andrew just responded "You know why."

Neil stored the song away to listen to later on when they were once again sleeping in separate beds in separate states, knowing Andrew was probably listening to it as well.

38. Talking Bird - Death Cab for Cutie

Neil doesn't know why this song makes him emotional (yes he does). He doesn't know what it is about it that feels like it cuts so deep (it's because Andrew sent it to him). He doesn't get why Andrew showed it to him (it's because Andrew asked him to stay, but would never force him to if he ever did decide to run). He just listens and feels comforted.

44. I'm so Tired - Lauv & Troye Sivan

This is another one Neil found when he and Andrew were doing long distance. It was a bit of a rocky time for them and there were several of those make-or-break moments. You know, the kind any relationship has where you either pull through it together and are stronger for it, or end things where they are and go your separate ways. I imagine - during a particularly rough patch - Neil heard this song from one of his underclassmen roommates. He was thinking about Andrew (when is he not) and part of him wondered if Andrew was better off finding guys in bars to take home and have no connection to. It was a spiteful moment of self-pity that he let himself indulge in before coming to his senses and giving Andrew a call to smooth things over a bit.

He still listens back to the song sometimes. It has a nice, soft, smooth feeling to it. Now when he listens to it, he finds himself focusing more on the singer asking their lover to take them home so they can move forward because they're too tired to fight. He remembers how, when he and Andrew have reached that point, they've continuously chosen to fall back to one another instead of pulling away. It's a very comforting thought for him.

45. NFWMB - Hozier

I don't even know if I have to explain this one.

There are a lot of things that Andrew and Neil see in one another, but I think one major thing is how strong they both are in their own ways. Neither of them are someone you want to fuck with. This song is perfect for that.

And, once again I will say, Neil is a Hozier fan and I'll die on this hill.

50. It Will Come Back - Hozier

Another Hozier song look at that

Anyway this is song encapsulates exactly how Andrew feels about Neil repeatedly choosing Andrew (at least, how he feels about it in the beginning of their relationship). And Neil isn't blind to this at all. What he also isn't blind to (but that he knows Andrew forgets sometimes) is how Neil is also the stray Andrew showed too much kindness. Andrew is as stuck with Neil as Neil is making himself stuck with Andrew.

51. Love Lies - Khalid & Normani

If asked why he likes this song, he'd say it's because Matt showed it to him and it reminds him of Matt and Dan's inspiring relationship. There are very few people he'd admit the truth to.

Something about the song feels too typical and approachable to admit applying to him and Andrew. They don't have a "normal" relationship and there are a lot of norms they don't stick to. Neither of them are ashamed of that in any capacity (as they absolutely shouldn't be), and ultimately it just feels very strange to them both to consider what's between them as being on the same level of what other's have. Not necessarily in a better-worse context, more just an acknowledgment of stark differences.

But I think Neil also experiences a certain level of comfort when he catches himself relating to other "normal" people. So when he finds himself thinking of Andrew when he hears this song, he's not going to ignore that or let it go. He may, however, keep it to himself for a while. It just feels nice to do that.

72. 99 Luftballons - Nena

As a general rule, Neil doesn't like loud music. This one is an exception (though "loud" may be a bit of a stretch here) because he once got to hear Andrew singing along to it in the car late at night.

Andrew does that sometimes, sings along to songs when it's just him and Neil. It's never with a great deal of gusto or volume, more so just a soft mumble on a late night drive to ground them both. This song came on on a particularly rough night, but by the end of it Andrew was singing along louder than he ever did. Still not saying much, but it was a noticeable change to Neil.

Neil knows he was allowed to see something special that night - Andrew allowing himself to let out something he was feeling. Neil got to see Andrew in what amounts to a moment of vulnerability for him. It means the world to him.

74. Gooey - Glass Animals

This song makes Neil feel the way Andrew makes him feel. There's no other way to describe it. When it's just the two of them and they have moments of quiet intimacy, there's a specific feeling Neil starts getting - float-y but secure. Like he'd drift away if it weren't for an invisible string Andrew was holding.

If Andrew caught Neil humming this song one night as he fell asleep, unaware, he kept quiet about it.

75. Turn - The Wombats

This song Neil keeps because it's one Andrew specifically sent him. He didn't give an explanation, just "for your playlist, rabbit".

[smallblip]

Rest in peace, Paradise

Written for Levihan Angstober (Prompt: greeting/farewell/free spot)

Levihan | + the vets | Rated for mild language | I’ve weaved in moments from the manga, so to be safe, avoid if you don’t want spoilers?

It’s on Ao3! https://archiveofourown.org/works/27247006

Levi and Hanji go on a road trip to the sea with a stop at Paradise Inn. They dream of greetings, farewells, and all the love in between. 

But I cannot forget that, at other times I have been deceived in sleep by similar illusions; and, attentively considering those cases, I perceive so clearly that there exist no certain marks by which the state of waking can ever be distinguished from sleep, that I feel greatly astonished; and in amazement I almost persuade myself that I am now dreaming. - Rene Descartes

Levi wakes to a soft buzzing- frantic at times, but it comes and goes. Nevertheless it brings him out of a deep slumber. And he’s caught in a haze. In this moment, Levi doesn’t distinguish between dreams and reality, there’s little point in dichotomising two sides of the same coin. He feels for the familiar warmth beside him but his fingers meet with cool sheets.

“You’re awake...”

The voice cuts through the haze and paints vivid reality. Levi is awake.

“Morning,” he murmurs against her pillow, “the wasp wants out, Hanji.”

Hanji chuckles, and Levi appreciates how slow everything moves in the morning, how gentle everything seems in the light that filters through the day curtains.

“Can’t have you build a home here can we...” Hanji says, leaning to open the windows. She pushes the air around it with her palm, guiding it, and the wasp disappears into the sunlight, past the sign that says ‘Paradise Inn’. Levi slides his arms around Hanji’s waist, head coming to rest on her shoulder.

“Sleep well?” She says, busying herself with the dishes they had abandoned last night in favour of other, more exciting endeavours.

“Had a dream...”

“Ah... About you and me versus the man-eating giants again?”

Levi frowns at Hanji’s handiwork, there’s still soap on the dishes she left to dry on the rack, but he snaps out of it when she wipes her hands on her pants and turns to plant a kiss on his head. “Not this time... We were lying in a forest, just talking...”

“What about?”

“Staying there together... I don’t know... Building a shitty cottage with damp wood... Gathering berries... Stuff like that.”

“That sounds cute...” Hanji says, she lets out a sigh when Levi kisses her, tender.

“This is better...” he says, and Hanji is swaying them to a tune stuck in her head.

“Aren’t you a charmer this morning...”

—

Levi sees her around the first day they check into the motel. She is Autumn manifest- the girl with the orange hair and the auburn eyes.

She looks at Levi, and he mostly tries to ignore it, except he finds he’s unable to.

“I think she likes you!” Hanji teases, and she makes it a point to wave at the girl whenever they see her. The girl waves back.

Levi, with his limited capacity for niceties, returns her gaze with a glower. And she approaches him one day, when he’s getting ice from the reception.

“Hey...” she says, “I’m Petra.”

“I’m Levi.” He replies, eyes narrowing, “you stare a lot Petra.”

“Ah... Sorry about that...” she rubs at the back of her neck sheepishly, “you just look like someone I used to know... I looked up to him a lot you see... So it’s a little jarring seeing you here.”

Levi sees how young she is from the uncertainty in her speech to the gentleness that she exudes when she faces the world.

“I’ll take that as a compliment...” he says.

Petra laughs, bright as a bell, a little embarrassed. She shrugs. “Anyways... I can’t stay around to stare any longer. I’m leaving today!” She gestures at her luggage.

He bids her farewell. When Levi sees the sadness in her eyes, he fights the urge to tell her to stay a little longer.

She’s got places to be and time waits for no one. Not for the pull of familiarity and the emptiness of new acquaintances.

—

They are on their way to the beach. It’s a year in the making, starting with their big move closer to the shores. They have never seen the sea, and Hanji thinks maybe, more than a bucket list, it’s a call. A whisper in her ears. And Levi hears it too, in the steady thrum of her heartbeat, like the ebb and flow of foamy waves.

They mark one pit stop before the beach, not out of necessity, but because Hanji thinks it would be nice to spend the night in a motel. I’ve never done it before, she says. It’s the early morning when they arrive. Hanji is snoring in the passenger seat and Levi pinches her nose to wake her. She snorts and struggles and they find themselves staring at the sign. The big neon “Paradise Inn” bright amidst a dark sky, competing with the moon itself. It’s perfect Kitsch cliche and Hanji chuckles. She adores it.

“We’re lovers in a motel, Levi!” She clasps her hands and coos in mock romanticism. “This is what novels are made of!”

“Aren’t we a little too old for that, Hanji?” Levi replies, hand coming to ruffle Hanji’s hair. She catches his hand and kisses his palm, “Maybe it’s time to catch up on what we’ve missed out on then...”

—

The sky spills orange and gold, and they only stir when the sun paints a glow behind their eyelids. This is real life. Levi is sure. It had been a dreamless sleep. Just darkness one moment, and light the other. Hanji is curled up against him, head on his chest.  Her eyes flutter open, and she smiles, and Levi thinks this is paradise.

They put in an extension for their stay at the motel, because it doesn’t seem right to leave just yet. Levi goes back on what he had said about motels being places of the barest of necessities, because this is actually really nice.

They spend the whole day in bed.

“Do you think we could get a dog when we get back home?” Hanji says, she’s looking at Levi with the most earnest look she can manage. And his resolve crumbles a little. Just a little.

“What do you want a dog for?” Levi says, ever practical, and Hanji thinks it’s a useful control mechanism.

Nevertheless, she chuckles at the odd phrasing and pouts for show, “Not for anything... To take care of? To love?”

“Don’t we have each other for that?”

“Yes and I’ve got my hands full with you!” Hanji runs her fingers across Levi’s ribs where it tickles and he crumples. His hands move fast to retaliate and between wrestling Hanji and dodging her flailing arms, he manages to correct her because really, he‘s got his hands full with her.

Levi’s got both her wrists in his hands and she’s completely subdued, and Hanji uses the one trick she has up her sleeve. She stops resisting, relaxing into his hold, expression soft and wanting. She hooks her legs around his waist and draws him in. Levi releases his grip on her almost instantly and kisses her. She revels in this little pattern they’ve fallen into. She knows him enough to establish certain predictability. It’s assuring and she thinks this is the essence of a good life.

“I love our little home Levi... And you... And I also think I’ve got love to spare for a dog.” Hanji makes the proposal with finesse and a practiced ease, and Levi grunts a reply.

“Maybe...” he says, hands stroking bare skin where Hanji’s shirt has ridden up. She has her back against his chest, but she can hear the beginnings of a smile in his voice.

“Maybe is good...” Hanji smiles, eyes heavy and blinking. She can work with ‘maybe’.

—

Levi dreams of man-eating giants. It's a macabre dream. Hanji searches it up and she says that could represent some inner insecurity. But Levi is used to feeling small, he's been small all his life. Besides, that doesn't explain why Hanji's there too in his dreams. They're perched on a wall, back to back, the giants come close, but he doesn't feel anything close to fear. He knows with certainty they will win. And they do.

But the dream morphs, and her back is no longer against his. He feels fear for the first time. He searches for her. He asks the others. When he finally finds her, her glasses are smashed and they can't save her eye. But she's alive. Levi remembers taking her harness off with finesse. And he remembers the warmth of her body against his, fevered from battle. Levi shuts his eyes.

When he opens them, Hanji is there. Hair splayed against thinning motel pillows. He listens to the steady exhale that follows the inhale. He traces a finger from her forehead, skimming gently past her eyelid, down to where her lips are parted in sleep. Hanji awakens at the touch, and she's blinking at him, confused.

"Four eyes..." Levi says, brushing against the corner of her left eye with his thumb. The relief of reality washing over him.

"Am at most a two eyes now... My glasses..." She murmurs, pointing to her glasses on the bedside table. She falls back asleep almost instantly.

Levi chuckles, pulling her closer.

—

They had spent the night drinking at the bar in town. It’s the next morning and Hanji thinks they’ve been lazing around too much, pretending they’ve got hangovers to nurse. Not that she’s complaining really, the way Levi has his arms around her, the way his hair feels combed through her fingers. Time is a quick march towards death, but it stills it’s pace in these moments. Hanji wants to live in these moments forever- the moments between earnest kisses and fingers dancing absently across skin.

She abandons her busy thoughts in moments like these. There will always be another opportunity to talk Levi’s ear off about work.

“Hey Levi...” Hanji says, something is bubbling in her chest and she can no longer contain it. “Wanna get married?”

Levi blinks. He wonders if he’s asleep, if this is just a really nice dream. He’s been having good dreams lately, it provides a kind respite from the harshness of reality. But Hanji continues, matter of fact, “it’s no big deal, we’ve made promises before...”

“You don’t have to give an answer right away... I’m just putting it out there. If you wanna get carried away one day, you know who to call.” Hanji says, winking.

The alarm blares from the distance and they get dressed. Levi tests the strap on her chest and it’s a convenient excuse to pull her closer. He kisses her like an oath.

“Let’s try to survive today first four eyes, then we can talk about forever.”

Hanji mocks a salute and laughs.

—

They meet by chance in the reception. Mike is struggling to get the inn-keeper’s attention. You just gotta yell, he’s a bit hard of hearing, and Hanji does just that. Mike gets his towels. And when they shake hands, a warmth courses through her body- the warmth of an old friend. And something like nostalgia pinches her nerves.

She feels it intensify when Mike introduces her to a blonde girl- all limbs like Hanji. She sports an undercut.

Her name is Nanaba.

— Mike tells Levi he smells like fresh laundry, and Levi makes a face.

“Sorry... Can’t help it... Got a good nose...” Mike says, and Levi panics internally. If only Hanji were here, she’s got a penchant for abnormals, being one herself. Well, that also probably explains why she handles Levi so well.

But here he is, looking up at a painful angle at Mike.

They get buzzed on cheap beers later and play fussball with Nanaba and Hanji. Mike and Levi learn they make a great team. The other two don’t stand a chance against them.

—

Hanji feels the shock of déjà vu during the quick sprint Nanaba makes with her from the pool to the shelter. The sudden downpour dashing their plans of getting a tan.

“You know I dreamt of you once, Nana...”

“What about!” Nanaba says, she’s handing Hanji a towel to dry herself off.

She tells Nanaba she doesn’t really remember. But she does remember taking shelter from the rain with her and feeling an overwhelming sense of comfort.

And you told me everything is more beautiful after the rain...

Nanaba chuckles as she takes in Hanji’s state of dishevelment, her eyes hold only affection. “I guess that applies to people too!”

Hanji laughs and links her arm with Nanaba’s. The forecast shows showers all afternoon, and they decide it’s not a bad idea to go swimming.

—

Hanji tells Levi there’s a familiarity in all of this. In them meeting and hanging out with Nanaba and Mike and growing close over the course of a few days.

And Levi finds himself swept up in the liminality. He watches as Nanaba and Hanji dance by the fireplace, Mike reclining beside him, he’s smiling at the scene. They talk mostly about the best teas they’ve tried and discuss running a hypothetical tea shop in the city. They settle into a comfortable silence. Levi wonders if it’s possible to feel nostalgia for a life he has never led.

—

Hanji and Levi meet Erwin at breakfast at the donut joint next to the motel one day. He’s sitting with Mike and Nanaba, all eyebrows and blond comb back and the build of a Football player.

And the picture pains Hanji in a way that’s almost melancholic. She sees them chatting over donuts and coffee and the melancholy fades to sweetness. And she knows Levi feels something too, because he’s staring at the scene before him, and he’s confused. But being with Hanji has made him more comfortable living in the margins of what makes sense and going with the flow, so he relaxes as they make their way towards the table.

There isn’t enough space, what with Mike and Erwin occupying most of it, so they sit at the next table. And they realise the three of them are acquainted, just that Erwin holes himself in his room a lot, “catching up on being a bum... It’s been so busy all these years...” he says.

“Erwin is on vacation to find himself,” Nanaba explains and Erwin chuckles. “It’s a mid-life crisis of sorts...” he says, dusting at the powdered sugar that had gathered in the stubble on his chin. There’s an ease and confidence that comes with experience, and Erwin has just that, his severity fading behind a deep chuckle and a trove of stories to tell.

And they talk and laugh like they’ve known each other for years.

—

“Ah Levi... It’s you...” Erwin says, before training his eyes back on the horizon. They are on top of the walls and the day has just broken.

“Never saw you as a sunrise type of person...” Levi says.

“Oh... Didn’t you know? I can be quite the romantic...” Erwin laughs, the crease in his brows disappearing. Levi rolls his eyes. Even after all these years he refuses to let Erwin get too haughty with his humour. But it makes Erwin painfully human and vulnerable. Even so, Levi follows him.

“The new recruits have been talking about the sea.”

Erwin chuckles, he had been young once, so he understands. Even now, Erwin understands. It’s easy to dream, give yourself to the world. Not so easy to convince the world to give a piece of it in return. “Dreaming is good... Keeps us all young.”

“Puts ideas in their heads... Even Hanji has been talking about the sea... Wouldn’t stop going on about it...” Levi says, annoyed, but Erwin recognises the look in his eyes. Erwin had been in love once, so he understands.

“Well... Sounds like a good vacation spot once all of this is over.”

Levi doesn’t really imagine an end to all of this, it’s really hard to. But when he does, he feels the soft promise of a hand in his.

Levi hears the waves crashing into shore.

“Then you better keep dreaming and get us there.” Levi says, and Erwin is chuckling. “Sounds like a plan,” he replies.

--

“Hypothetically, if we did put in a greenhouse in our backyard, how big do you think it could reasonably be?” Hanji says, adding in a, “hypothetically speaking...” when Levi frowns. It’s sunny out and they’re sitting on one of the deck chairs by the pool. Hanji has her book on her stomach and her hands shield her eyes from the sun as she turns to look at Levi.

Levi sighs, abandoning his book for this conversation. “Does this hypothetical situation involve us building said greenhouse by ourselves?”

“You know it’s part of the fun, Levi!” Hanji says and she chuckles when Levi groans.

“Hypothetically speaking, the size of our bathroom.”

“That’s really small...” Hanji says, contemplating.

“It’s enough for your hypothetical vegetables...”

“Not enough for my cabbages...” Hanji sighs, “hypothetical cabbages...” she adds when Levi narrows his eyes. She’s laughing. If only Levi knew what was in store for him when they got home. She’s been researching the best way to build a greenhouse and she’s got a whole proposal ready.

They will have cabbages for home-made sauerkraut and it will be lovely.

—

Hanji is no stranger to bad dreams, but this particular one had been really, really bad. She jolts awake in bed, breathing heavy, gaze fixed on an imaginary point on the wall.

“Hanji-“ before Levi could ask, Hanji is hugging him. She’s squeezing him tight and desperate like she’s trying to will him into permanence. Her breathing evens and Levi can feel her heartbeat steady where his chest is pressed flushed against hers. Skin against clammy skin.

“Bad dream?” He asks, carding his fingers through her hair, unknotting where he can manage.

“The worst...” she answers, her fingers gripping Levi’s arms still, head buried in his shoulder.

”We were in a river, the currents were so strong and I was losing my grip on you. I peddled so hard... But you were hurt... You were going under Levi...”

“Dreaming about me dying in large bodies of water... Kind of shitty of you when we’re going to the beach...” he says, and already she’s laughing- nervous at first, but it soon grows into something that lets him know she’s going to be okay.

Levi scoots them both so his back is against the headboard and her head is on his chest.

The dream fucks with Hanji and it shows in the way her knuckles turn white from gripping the sheets. She squints her eyes shut and she sees the rush of white water behind her lids, roaring and unforgiving, the currents are strong and Hanji is so so tired.

“You're alright...” Levi says, and it’s enough to silence the scream of the currents. His calloused fingers soothe into her skin. She’s holding his hand now, falling asleep against him. She thinks she can taste the salt in the air, and everything is okay.

—

Hanji and Levi contemplate extending their stay again, but the ocean is calling and they feel themselves stretched in opposite directions. Hanji lingers in the reception, she takes a few steps towards the counter and she stops, pacing back to the wall where the maps and pamphlets are tacked.

“Thinking of extending your stay?” It’s Erwin, dressed for a day of doing absolutely nothing- old gym shorts and a faded singlet.

“Yeah...” Hanji says, and they end up sitting on the steps leading up to the reception. Hange bums a cigarette off Erwin. Don’t usually smoke, but it fits the whole poetry of a mid-life crisis doesn’t it? he says and Hanji laughs. She loves a good cliche.

“This whole stay has been...” Hanji starts, but she decides it’s self explanatory. It’s been an absolute dream. So she continues with “you know Erwin... Before meeting you, Levi had a dream about you once...”

“What about?” Erwin says, curious.

“Hmm... Something about standing on walls and watching the sun rise...”

“Interesting...” Erwin replies with a chuckle, “I am a sunrise kind of guy... And I probably have the sort of face people find familiar huh...”

They talk about dreams and memories. Did you know Freud once hypothesised that dreams are a way the brain tries to work through what we leave unresolved in real life? It’s a way the brain deals with repressed wishes, Hanji says. She is in love with the beauty of it all, and Erwin is too. He makes a mental note of it.

It’s silent for a while when Erwin brings it up. “You should get going... To the beach I mean... If you wait any longer the currents are going to get more violent and you can’t swim then...” He’s smiling, warm and assuring, “not that I don’t enjoy your company... Or Levi’s for that matter...”

And Hanji is smiling back, with a melancholy that fills her bones. It’s silly, and she feels young and small again. They can always make plans, meet again, maybe Erwin can bring that special someone he talks about- Marie- who works at a bar in his hometown. She leans her head against Erwin’s shoulder and feels the tension in her chest unknot. Her cigarette now abandoned between her fingers, but the smoke performs a complex dance as it passes their eyes.

“We’ll send you a postcard of the ocean!” She says, bright, like a promise. And Erwin takes her word for it.

—

They leave the next morning. Levi makes their bed and tidies the room and even to a trained eye, the room appears untouched. Hanji thinks there’s something romantic about transience, and she sees it through the tears in her own eyes as she says goodbye.

“Hanji... Stop crying!” Nanaba says, fingers coming to wipe at the corners of Hanji’s eyes. But Nanaba is crying too. “We’ll see each other again. That’s a promise.” She crosses her heart and when she looks over to Mike, he’s crossing his heart too, slightly embarrassed at the whole scene.

Hanji lunges for another hug, pulling Levi and Nanaba into Mike’s chest as Erwin watches, chuckling. She waves to him with a spare arm, and when he’s close enough, she pulls him in too.

And it pains her to say goodbye, but the certainty that they’ll meet again lingers.

They’re cruising along the highway now, and Levi has his hand on Hanji’s thigh. The pain of goodbye soothes into a dull ache.

—

“He looks like he’s really struggling...” Levi raises a brow. Hanji slows down to get a better look.

There is a man pulled up at the side of the road and he’s studying his map, squinting. He turns it here and flips it the other way, and he looks like he’s about to have a nervous breakdown. Hanji laughs at the face he’s making.

She pulls up behind him and they get out the car.

“You look lost! Need help?” She offers and his frown disappears behind a smile.

“I’m looking for Paradise Inn, but I can’t seem to find it...”

“You’re in luck! We were just there! You missed it. You gotta turn right two junctions before, it’s a really narrow path, really easy to miss.”

“Thank goodness for you two...” the man says, “I’m Moblit by the way.” He says, and he shakes their hand.

“Where are you guys headed?” Moblit asks.

“The beach,” Hanji answers, and maybe she lets herself get comfortable in the familiarity.

“Ah! I heard the winds are strong this time of year...” Moblit says, worry creasing his forehead.

“We’re strong enough swimmers!” Hanji says, grinning, “plus Levi packed for colder weather so we’re covered.”

Moblit is smiling now, a calmness spreading across his face, “that’s good.”

“It’s nice meeting you, Moblit! You’re going to love Paradise Inn! Enjoy your stay alright!” Hanji says and Moblit is chuckling, he’s smiling a little sheepish, unsure of how to react to Hanji’s excitement. But as it is, it’s already hard to say goodbye, and he can’t stay pulled up by the side of the road forever. “Ah, really?” He replies

“You take care of yourself now, Hanji...” Moblit says as he looks at Hanji. And she doesn’t understand why she feels this way for a stranger she’s just met at the side of the road. But the sadness in Moblit’s smile is mirrored in her eyes as she waves goodbye. Moblit gets into his car he turns his attention to Levi, “you too Levi!”

—

“Levi! Wake up! We’re here!”

When Levi opens his eyes from the passenger’s seat, the picture in front of him makes his heart stop. The sea commands awe, and he understands why people write about it like a lover.

Hanji grabs him by the hand and pulls him towards the sand. She has lost her shoes somewhere along her beeline to the shore.

“Come on Levi! The water is warm!” Hanji shouts and Levi sighs and folds the clothes she has discarded at the shoreline.

“Watch it, Hanji...” he says as he pulls her against him. She’s far too excited to notice the waves, and she’s sputtering. The saltwater obscures his vision, but he sees her- playfulness in her eyes, her legs coming to circle around Levi’s waist as he stands on his toes, balancing them both as the tides threaten to tip them over.

“We made it Levi!” Hanji exclaims.

He chuckles. This is the world where ‘I love you’s are easy. It’s not a big deal, they can always come back, have a picnic by the beach, skinny dip by the moonlight. The world is their oyster.

Levi presses a kiss to Hanji’s wet cheek.

—

They’re sitting on the shore now, clothes clinging to wet skin, sand sticking to wet clothes.

Hanji has placed a ring of shells and pebbles around where they are sitting. She’s drawing patterns in the sand now, absentmindedly, perfectly content.

Levi looks at her, hair wavy from the saltwater, blush on the bridge of her nose from the sun. Loving Hanji is terrifyingly easy. So he says-

"We should get married."

Hanji's eyes grow wide. She doesn't say anything and Levi's stares at the sand between his toes.

The sun is setting mid-way, at this rate, it will be dark in no time. They had promised to leave by this time, darkness makes for a difficult journey back. But they had also promised never to talk about love and here they are. Hanji laces their fingers together and kisses the back of his hand. Maybe promises are meant to be broken. Maybe it really is time they get carried away. Levi is holding Hanji's hand to his chest. And she feels the call of the sea fade behind the steady thrum of his heart. It’s the sound of a life worth living.

"Maybe..." Hanji says, she’s always been a tease. But her heart is beating out of her chest and her cheeks are pink. She's pursing her lips, and even then she can't contain her grin.  She pictures herself bursting at the seems, glee spilling out of her like a geyser. 

"Maybe is good..." Levi smiles. He can work with 'maybe'.

—

“I had a dream last night...” Levi says to Hanji at the end of the world, he presses his fist to her chest and it remains there, curled loosely.

“Ah... About the others again?”

“It was just you this time... I dreamt of us. And the sea...”

“Sounds nice...” Hanji says, and she’s smiling. Levi pulls her close by her cape, and he watches as she bites down hard on a trembling lip. She wills herself to stop shaking, and it pains him to think this is one of the many reasons why he loves her. Hanji is stubborn as fuck, strong as hell.

And Levi knows this is it, but for a person who has known death all his life, he doesn’t have the right words to say goodbye.

“We’ll see each other again Levi, I’ll wait for you...” Hanji says, and she thinks of a place between home and the sea. She sees familiar faces around the fireplace. It smells of late mornings and coffee in bed, and it feels like Levi’s hand in hers.

She calls it Paradise.

“Do you think things would’ve worked out between us?” Hanji grins, cheeky. She’s saying what they had both been thinking all these years. She imagines Levi, and a little house, a dog, and a cabbage patch for homemade sauerkraut. And so much love between them that they have to crack the window open.

And Levi understands. He sees it too. In the curve of her smile and in her laugh. They spend the whole day in bed, there’s nowhere to be, nothing to do. Life permits them to talk about love and the frivolity of domestic life. Levi wakes up to Hanji every morning. “Maybe...” he replies, all the love he has for her showing in his eyes. And he wants to tell her he loves her. But Hanji is smiling now, she knows.

They laugh at the cruelty of it.

Hanji slips her hand in his, letting her fingers trace the inside of his palm. “Maybe is good...” she whispers as his fingers close around hers.

She turns to leave, and Levi isn’t one to think about heaven and hell when there’s already so much going on in between. But he is certain this isn’t goodbye.

Later, Hanji. He says, and the wind carries his voice enough for her to turn back one last time.

—

“Did you know that wasps survey a place for suitability before it builds its home? Then it transports the soil in bit by bit for its nest...” Hanji says, it’s a little too early in the morning and they’ve fallen back in bed after breakfast. Their eyes trace the wasp as it scouts around the house.

“I think it likes our house...” Levi says, he’s annoyed at the buzzing and the fact they might have to deal with a wasp infestation in a week or so. Just not enough to leave the warmth of Hanji’s side.

She laughs, bright like the morning, and Levi turns to press soft kisses to her neck.

“What’s there not to like? It has Levi, his dashing Hanji-“

“Tch...” Levi interrupts. “And the smell of goddamn sauerkraut...” In fact it smells so overwhelmingly of sauerkraut they have to leave the window open. Levi makes a face every now and then when he catches an especially strong waft of it lingering in the air. It makes Hanji laugh. Indeed the smell kind of makes her stomach turn now, but she insists it’s all worth it. And Levi is tackling her to the ground, play wrestling like children. There’s more sauerkraut than we can eat in a lifetime, Hanji... What do I do with you?

Even so, it’s lovely.

He has his head on Hanji’s chest and her fingers are combing through his hair, scratching gently at the back of his neck. He hides his smile against her skin.

Hanji clears her throat, clearing the air of Levi’s interruption. She continues. “- and all the love between them.” Hanji smiles, performing for an audience of one.

Levi thinks this is paradise.