#there are programs for this kind of thing it really is a huge issue

[greatvaluegirlfriend]

i think one thing the pitt viewers need to keep in mind is even if langdon isn’t actively taking meds at work and is truly on NSAIDs during his shifts, diverting meds! is still! SO ILLEGAL!

like stealing meds, especially controlled substances, is so so bad. at least as a nurse it’s a felony and causes you to lose your license. so like, taking them or not, he still stole them.

so yes, even we can take him at his word and presume he’s never shown up to a shift high (unlikely, but… sure.) he still did/is doing a bad thing that has severe consequences.

[vibelladonna]

𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓈𝓀𝓈 + 𝓊𝓅𝒹𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓈! : 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓋𝒾𝓋𝒾

heyyy dearest readers! A quick update (and perhaps a bit of a lecture) as I prepare to make some major changes to how things will run on this Tumblr page in the coming weeks. 

I appreciate your time and attention, so let’s get right into it.

First and foremost, I want to say I’ve officially been accepted into an Ivy League medical program—yes, the real-deal, white-coat, sleepless-nights sort of adventure—and I’ll be attending it throughout the entirety of the summer. I know, shocking, right?

I’ll be flying out soon to stay in the dorms, where I’ll be surrounded by brilliant minds and (hopefully) equally brilliant tea. It's a huge opportunity and one I’ve worked incredibly hard for.

Now, before you panic: I’m still planning to stick (mostly) to the content schedule I promised. I’ll be aiming to upload at least one fanfic a week. That said, life will be busy, and as much as I love you all, my career and studies will always take precedence. I hope you understand.

Another note—and one I imagine some of you will have feelings about: I’ll be focusing more on Creepypasta and other versions novels content rather than JUST The Kid at the Back, (TKATB) for a while. There’s a specific reason for this, which I’ll explain below. But just know this isn’t the end for TKATB content, just a slight seasonal shift in priorities.

Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, let’s get to the fun part: the questions!

✑ I've been seeing a lot of really rude messages being sent to writers and artists here, so don't take anything you see to heart!!! They don't mean shit, you're just another person to harass to them. Idk if you've received anything like it but I've seen 3 posts abt it today,,, be careful vi!!!

Hey, thank you so much for reaching out and checking in—seriously, I appreciate it more than you know. I apologize for not responding sooner, but I want to reassure you that I’m fine. Truly.

I’ve been online since 2014, and trust me when I say I’ve seen—and experienced—a lot. So no, hate comments don’t really get under my skin. It’s just the internet, and unfortunately, people say cruel things all the time when they feel like they’re shouting into a void.

I treat writing as a hobby and a tool to strengthen my skills for medical research purposes—this is something I enjoy doing, not something that defines my worth.

And honestly, I rarely receive hate. When it does happen, it’s typically related to my gender-neutral fanfics. I do write with a feminine tone because I am a woman, and sometimes that doesn’t sit well with certain readers. That’s okay—everyone has preferences—but I refuse to be pushed out of a fandom I enjoy just because I don’t write the way someone else wants me to.

That said, I do want to mention that I’ll be slowing down on The Kid At The Back fandom content for a bit. Life is demanding, and I also want space to work on personal fanfics and dive back into the Creepypasta fandom. 

I’ve honestly grown tired of the energy in this certain fandom spaces—especially when I been contributing well amount of fanfic for TKATB and with the overwhelming number of minors in adult content spaces...

If you���re someone reading my fics as a minor: I understand. I was once your age doing the same thing, though I approached it with a level of maturity and discretion that seems rare nowadays.

To be clear—if someone takes issue with the way I write, how I express myself, or what I choose to post, that’s fine. They’re free to scroll past or block me. It’s that simple. If something online upsets you to that extent, maybe you’re not in the right headspace for this kind of content. 

That’s not me being harsh—it’s just honesty.

Again, thank you for being kind and looking out for people here. That kind of support does mean something. Just know: I’m good. Focused. 

And very much not going anywhere. 

✑ I love your writing, but could you maybe stop saying in the description that you write for gn reader and then just adding "woman" in the story? (Im talking specifically about the vampire fanfic, but I think I saw it a few times on your account) I mean it really made me upset because I struggle with gender dysphoria, so I usually only read gn stuff.

Hi there, thank you for reaching out and taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I want to start this off by acknowledging how difficult it can be to bring something up like this, especially when it’s tied to something as personal as gender identity and dysphoria.

I don’t take that lightly, and I want to be transparent in my response.

Now, let me say this sincerely—I'm sorry that my writing upset you. That was never the intention, and I understand how jarring it can feel to expect gender-neutral content and encounter something that contradicts that expectation, especially when you're looking for comfort or safe escapism. 

I also often go back and re-read the vampire fic (and a few other works), simply adding more detail, correcting grammar, or just for my enjoyment, and I see how that could be frustrating.

So again, I apologize for that experience, and I will work on being more cautious in how I label and tag my works. I’ll double-check stories more thoroughly rather than giving them a surface glance. 

That said, I need to be honest about something, too—and I hope this comes across with the balance of respect and clarity that it’s meant to have.

The way I write is, first and foremost, therapeutic for me. This blog started as a creative outlet, and it continues to be a space where I share writing not just for others, but to explore, improve, and sharpen my writing—especially in preparation for my future in medical research and academic writing.

Tumblr is one of the few places where I get to express that freely, and I want to be transparent that writing—especially character-centric or smut-heavy pieces—is deeply fun for me to write.

When I write gender-neutral smut—rarely for a reason, it’s an immense challenge. Not because I don’t care, but because of how I structure my stories. I focus a lot on sensory detail, reasonable psychological emotions, and physicality.

I write vividly and anatomically, and that makes it hard to keep everything neutral while still maintaining realism and immersion. For some writers, vague language works. For me, it weakens the vision and voice of my storytelling. So when I include subtle feminine cues in a “gn” piece, it’s not out of disregard—it’s just how my imagination naturally forms the scene.

This is also why I’ve always been hesitant about writing gender-neutral smut. I had a gut feeling that misunderstandings like this would happen, and I do try to avoid them—but I’m human. I’m still learning how to balance creative expression with broader sensitivity, and that balance isn’t always perfect.

Again, I’ve gone back and corrected the vampire fic to lean closer to gender neutrality, but I also want to kindly ask: please don’t put the responsibility of your dysphoria or other deeply personal matters on me. 

I say this with care. I’m not equipped—nor comfortable—handling certain topics like gender identity or eating disorders in my fics because I do understand how serious and complex they are. 

That’s why I usually avoid writing directly about those subjects. I’m just one person doing what I can to share stories in a space I created for myself. And while I welcome thoughtful feedback, I can’t carry the emotional weight of someone else’s journey—especially not strangers online. 

That’s a boundary I have to keep for my own well-being.

Lastly, I want to BE VERY CLEAR ONCE MORE: I will continue writing in a way that feels authentic to me. That may include pieces labeled gender-neutral that still have a feminine tone. That may include imperfect attempts to reach a wider audience while still honoring my own voice. It’s okay if my blog isn’t for everyone. I respect that. If something I write is upsetting, the tools exist to block, mute, or simply scroll past it. 

That’s the beauty of being online—we curate our spaces.

Again, thank you for your honesty and for giving me the chance to address this properly. I truly wish you all the comfort, growth, and safe content you need on your journey. Take care.

✑ just a small quick question, if you have a writer's block, what is a good way of getting rid of it? I've been trying to work on this fanfic for two days and only wrote a few paragraphs, and then i couldn't think of anything else to write, and it’s far from being finished! Please and thank you for your time.

Okay, some advice to give.

Ahhh, writer’s block. The age-old enemy of creatives everywhere. First off, I totally understand what you're going through—staring at a document, feeling stuck after just a few paragraphs, wondering if you're ever going to find the spark again. It’s frustrating and draining, especially when the desire to write is there, but the words just don’t want to show up.

Here’s what’s helped me, personally:

I write how I write. That may sound simple, but it took me a while to find my rhythm and voice. I didn’t always have it—especially when I first started writing on Tumblr.

In fact, I don’t even think I had a voice at the beginning. I was just typing thoughts and feelings, hoping it clicked. It took time, practice, burnout, and regrouping to get where I am now.

Sometimes my inspiration comes randomly—like I think too damn much.

TikTok clips, a scene from a book or another writer’s piece, even just something I feel strongly about in the moment. Networking skills I’ve learned (yes, even from being online and in person) helped me pick up patterns and emotional beats that resonate. 

And yes… I do use a bit of AI at times—not to write for me, but to clear the fog when my brain’s too loud or frozen. Like bouncing ideas off something neutral just to get moving again.

That being said, none of it works unless I make myself sit and write. And here’s the hard part: forcing that can lead to burnout. It did for me. When I first got traction here, people started asking—begging, even—for more work. Which I was grateful for, but it added pressure I wasn’t prepared for. I started writing not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to. 

And that’s when I started to lose the joy in it.

My personal advice? Don’t prioritize fanfic—or writing in general—over your personal life or your peace. That kind of pressure can quietly build into burnout that leaves you avoiding not just writing, but reading, imagining, and creating altogether. 

And that’s the saddest part, because writing is you. It's a part of you trying to express itself, and it needs room to breathe, not expectations to suffocate under.

Take breaks. Find joy. Get inspired. And when you write again, let it be for you first.

You’ve got this!

[jelloapocalypse]

I admittedly haven't watched your stream playthrough of TGAA games, mostly because I was playing through them with my fiancé very slowly, but we just finished them and I was curious what your opinion on them was? My fiancé and I enjoyed them but we both felt like they were pretty... Tame, compared to mainline AA. Like, there wasn't really any insane twists that shook the characters to their cores, everything wrapped up so neatly for everyone, it felt too easy, in a way? Also the big bad was wayyyyy too predictable.

I'd recommend checking out these amazing animatics that Infamouslydorky did of our playthrough!

My feelings re: The Great Ace Attorney games are sort of complicated, so this answer's going to be kind of long. I'll keep it spoiler-free, though.

I think they have the best main cast of any AA game. The music, character designs, and quality of life are basically the best they've ever been. That's really cool. I really love a lot of the one-off characters too. Enoch Drebber, Pat and Rollie, and the little plague mask coroner girl are huge stand-outs for me.

However, I think Shu Takumi has a lot of... foibles as a writer, and the way they manifest in these games is more evident and more obnoxious than basically anything else he's ever made.

I've played every game he's ever made and I can tell you that Shu Takumi writes the mysteries and twists in his stories first before anything else. I think he has a great sense of when he wants the twists to hit for the audience and he's great at figuring out where a twist will hit in a case... but he's remarkably bad at making character motivations match up to the story he's trying to tell.

In particular, he's awful at giving characters reasons not to tell each other things. 90% of a time your protagonist in a Shu Takumi game will ask a completely reasonable question to an ally, and the ally will avoid answering simply because it's not time for the player to know the answer yet. This is an issue in every game he's ever made. Even his best game Ghost Tric, is plagued by this. i.e. The way Lynne refuses to tell you her goals even though you're a literal ghost who's saved her life 3+ times in the same evening. Like, what do you have to lose, Lynne? Do you think this ghost is going to leak your goals to the police? No, it's just in service of delaying information so the player gets that information when it really hits. My friend circle has some to refer to characters in video games not telling you information for no reason as "Shu Takumi-ing".

Because most AA games are really silly, this isn't usually a gamebreaking issue. Why isn't your ally telling you information that would allow you to help them? Well, they're stupid, that's why. This is a game where you get possessed by dead people to get evidence and cross-examine a parrot. It's not serious. Everyone's a little bit on the stupid spectrum.

That's not really the case with TGAA. The games still have silly moments, but the characters are very explicitly smart. Kazuma is meant to be a legal prodigy on an exchange program. Susato is incredibly well-read and her father is a well-traveled and well-respected man of the law himself. Iris is a genius. Sholmes is whacky, but he's supposed to be cannier than he lets on.

Because of that, it's really noticeable when Shu Takumi doesn't know how to delay information or elegantly set up an interpersonal conflict. His fallback is always to have a character drink The Stupid Juice. For Case X, this character is suddenly stupid and does stuff they'd never do. For Case Y, it's someone else.

When you're dealing with Larry Butz and Lotta Hart, you come to expect that sort of thing. The inconsistency is part of their character. But when Susato can't identify her own father sleeping on the couch because... I dunno, I guess she landed on her head when she fell out of bed this morning, what the hell are we doing here, gang? Why are we doing this? Some people in our chat were like "This is a joke". I don't know. Is it? it really a joke if it takes 20 minutes of real gameplay to SOLVE THE MYSTERY instead of walking over and look at him, like any rational person would do?

I also can't go into too many details about this without spoiling things, but I really really hate the core overarching plot of this duology. I would bet almost all the money in my bank account that Shu Takumi didn't have the details of the second game 100% ironed out by the time he wrote the first. They don't lead into each other at all and so many characters' actions need to be unfathomably stupid for everything to work out the way it does. It kind of makes me retroactively dislike a lot of the cast. Especially Sholmes.

Also the assistant Van Zieks gets in the 2nd game is unfathomably bad. Everything about that setup and how that character acts is my least favorite thing about the game and maybe my least favorite thing that ever happens in the entire franchise. It makes me SO angry.

The games are still pretty good though.

[kiefbowl]

I was reading an opinion piece on Kate Middleton's cancer diagnosis on CNN by Jamal Baig about the increasing rates of cancer in patients under 50. As far as 5 minutes of googling and JSTORing can lend me to believe, there's nothing illegitimate about Dr. Baig. However, I found this bit in his opinion interesting:

Now, I'm always dubious when reading anything that attributes a very broad generalized idea that changes in diets have caused an increased in cancer, because more often than not it's not pointing to an exploration of, say, increased pesticide use, but the author's personal bias against the quote unquote "unhealthy", especially those who are deemed "fat" by the medical industry.

That being said, I was curious what source he linked, half expecting it to lead to just another op-ed from some other doctor from who knows when, but I was pleasantly surprised! Written by a man named Michael Donaldson, it was an evidentiary review published in a scientific journal called "Nutrition and cancer: A review of the evidence for an anti-cancer diet."

Now I wasn't going to give the whole thing a read, but I stopped in each section, gave a quick skim to get a general vibe, moved on to the next section, etc. I was immediately suspicious that the very first line in the abstract was "It has been estimated that 30–40 percent of all cancers can be prevented by lifestyle and dietary measures alone" as that seems to be a bananas statistic to just posit, but it still had the air of scientific integrity, so I did my skim.

The first handful of sections had things that gave me some moments of pause, that this article was in fact another doctor simply cherry picking data to confirm his own biases, but nothing so egregious as to do a spit take. That comes in a few minutes. The first section that made really go hold the phone was when we got to his Flax Seed section.

Compare how he writes about Red Meat...:

(that's all he wrote, btw)

...with how he starts writing about Flax Seed:

Did I just enter a Flax Seed commercial? Does this guy work for BIG FLAX SEED? on and on he writes about Flax Seed, and I start getting a sense that perhaps this man has a Flax Seed Agenda. In any case, he eventually moves on and I quickly skim to get to the end (because it's boring among other things).

So, who exactly is Michael Donaldson?

Girl are you kidding me

The Hallelujah Acres Foundation is a FOR PROFIT company that sells a """biblical""" based diet program called the hallelujah diet and also sells supplements on said site.

Now, in case you forgot where I started with this, this was the link provided as a "source" to a legitimate doctor's claim in an op-ed about cancer that "at least part of the answer" of why cancer is increasing in under 50 patients are the "changes to nutrition and lifestyle that took hold in middle of the last century." Dr. Baig did not read this article, or if he did was not concerned that it was written by the employee of a company that profits from unscientific research it uses to sell supplements and diets. Which is worse, I don't know.

The point I'm making is that you absolutely need to be vigilant all the time. You need to understand that doctors can not only have biases, but agendas. Researchers can have biases and agendas. Scientists can have biases and agendas. And that magical thinking about real health issues that can affect your future can permeate the scientific community because weirdos write convincing enough evidence that support their already determined world view.

This kind of shit is the reason why women go into doctor offices complaining about pain in their abdomen and get told to go lose weight and come back in 6 months. This is why ideas like moralizing eating have huge effects on women's health and influence medical misogyny, and why it's a feminist issue.

[genderqueerdykes]

i think people who doesnt like men and despise them are just traumatized. i mean its the experience of being mistreated for years that it makes them unable to trust men again. their reactions is maybe too harsh but i can see it being "i just doesnt want to be hurt anymore"

i agree with this take and i don't care if that bugs people

it is okay for a person to say that they have experienced trauma due to the current patriarchy we live under. it's okay to say that. however it's not okay to project one's trauma with those specific things on to every man they encounter. we must not project our trauma on to people who are not hurting us. it does not help us heal. it keeps us trapped in the cycle of negative thought loops, paranoia, fear and disgust

i agree with you completely, people who take this trauma to the extreme without reflecting on their experiences and admitting that the trauma was at the hands of that one person, those people, or that organization just lose they ability to trust an entire gender and decide that pathologically avoiding and hating men is the way to move on and cope. it's not, it never is. to avoid one's trigger for the rest of one's life is to not going to help someone get over it. it has to be addressed at one point or another

there are many men out there who are horrible but there are horrible people of any gender. our current patriarchal society is flawed because we designed a structure built around worshipping men and placing them in positions of power over everyone, especially women, but only if they fit into a narrow box of what a man 'should' look, act and sound like. we torture men, women and everyone else in this society.

men are forced to be the 'perfect' man in order to be validated and accepted as 'real' men. men cannot have long hair or else they 'look like a girl' or are 'too faggy'. men have to be physically fit or else people are ashamed of them or tell them they are unattractive. men are forced to be the 'man of the house', boys are forced into this at young ages. men are only allowed to dress in certain ways depending on one's culture. in the US men have to wear very plain clothes with muted colors. gestures and mannerisms are also scrutinized as well as career choices. only 'masculine' career choices are approved of

we place insecure men into positions of power and tell them to control everyone and make sure that women don't get those same rights and abilities and that's a huge issue but not every man is doing this. our issue with men is systemic due to the patriarchy we live under- men are not genetically or inherently violent, evil or shitty. we are grooming men and certain men catch on to the programming and take it very seriously and many wish to live outside of it in order to be themselves

the way we treat women in this patriarchal society is abysmal. it is shameful to behold- yes women are treated in an absolutely subhuman fashion in most regards of life when it comes to what we experience. it's maddening. but we have to understand that if we stop programming men to behave this way, this will not continue to happen anywhere near as badly as it's happening right now

the average man you meet on the street is likely not a danger to you at all whatsoever. most people aren't. most men don't really want to be a macho stereotype. most men just want to go about their own personal interests. it's okay for them to do so its their right. opening up one's self to average men who are honest and in touch with their interests is pretty eye opening- men also come in all kinds just like anyone else. men can be gentle and caring just as much as they can be difficult to be around. men are people

i agree with you. people project their trauma of what theyve gone through on to people who have not hurt them and it's not a good way to approach community and how one interacts with the world. it's fine to call out men when they do something shitty, when they're misogynistic, when they're being violent, but we also have to let men be gentle, quiet, caring, creative, passionate, loving and so on. because men are capable of those things. it's that simple

hope you have a great day, thanks for stopping by to chat

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

How do you feel about track systems for horses? Would a similar system be beneficial or detrimental for captive cetaceans?

Oh that's a very interesting idea. I do really love the concept of track systems and it seems to be a really good way to encourage more movement and improve fitness, hooves ect. for horses.

For cetaceans though... it could be tricky to implement safely if we were looking at physical "tunnels" to funnel them through.

The reason that a lot of cetacean habitats are so "empty", especially for larger species like orcas, is because social behaviour is a huge component of their lives. Social behaviour can include high speed chases, breaches, porpoising, raking/biting, fluke slapping and everything in between.

Obstacles make any sort of high arousal play/social behaviour/aggression even more of a risk. Because in the heat of the moment at very fast speeds, cetaceans can hurt themselves if they scrape against or hit something.

The only way I could see a system like that work is if the track was made using underwater bubble nets. So if they hit them, they wouldn't get hurt. But they'd probably just want to go through them for a massage anyway lol

Physical components of a habitat like rockwork ect. look nice but they will always put cetaceans more at risk of environmental scrapes. We also had that issue in lagoons/sea pens with coral and rocks.

This is why I think Chimelong is amazing with their underwater bubble jets and wave pools because it's a safe way to make their habitat variable and enriching, encouraging underwater exploration/diving and surface wave riding.

The study looking into what factors influence dolphin movement and distance travelled in human care found that enrichment programs and training times were the main influences.

This is just one study though - would love to see more like this with other species, especially orcas.

I'd be so curious to compare the movement of Chimelong orcas compared to SeaWorld orcas too. I would hypothesise that the addition of the wave pool creates a lot more movement and acceleration throughout the day!

Simply adding live fish has had a huge impact on some of the orcas in the the San Diego SeaWorld pod, with lots of hunting and moving around being recorded. And I love that! It's simple but effective!

I think you could get so creative with cetacean habitats to encourage more movement, especially focusing on underwater and diving based enrichment. This would be better than focusing on what the habitat looks like, focusing on what the animals actually value and find enriching.

So things like creating underwater treadmills they could use to exercise on (they'd probably need to learn how to though). Underwater and surface water jets that they could turn on and off when they want, wave pools at varying heights, creating currents in the water ect.

I kind of got off track but imo that would probably be the best way to encourage more movement!

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

I had previously been under the impression that AZA accredited zoos and aquariums in the USA are more likely to take good care of animals than those that lack this accreditation. Is this incorrect?

It's... really complicated. The short answer is: maybe? Which doesn't help at all, I'm sure. I'm working on a huge project to try to quantify a bunch of accreditation stuff, so I don't want to say anything concrete from preliminary data, y'know?

Accreditation at a facility tells you, basically, what standards they are supposed to meet and what political group / industry club they're part of. But there's a lot of issues with all of the five zoological accrediting / certifying bodies where oversight during the accreditation cycles doesn't really exist in a functional way? Either reporting systems are in place that highly disincentivize reporting (because they aren't anonymous and could be tracked back to a staffer) or just don't have formal protocols for it all.

So being AZA accredited tells you the type of expectations they're trying to live up to, and what standards they met at the time they were inspected. I have some concerns about whether the standards for certain aspects of accreditation (like aesthetic stuff, not animal care) are really sustainable for duration given how you're constantly hearing about how zoos scramble to get all the little deferred things fixed prior to the next inspection. But, that's not necessarily an issue with the zoos, and more the program - and that's something that AFAIK happens with every accrediting group, not just AZA.

There's also an aspect of how the requirements of each accrediting program kind of... self select for the type of zoos they want? AZA's application and annual fees are incredibly high, which isn't necessarily a good use of money for many smaller facilities; they also require compliance with a lot of things not related to animal care and welfare, like internal staffing structure and facility aesthetics. Again, something that either smaller facilities just can't afford - do you spend money on the animals or on paving all your pathways? - or aren't interested in getting involved with because of how intrusive it is. So most of the AZA zoos you see are the bigger, well-funded ones with city-type aesthetics, because that's what who the program is set up to encourage to apply. (There are definitely exceptions to this, but find me a big city zoo that isn't AZA or in the process of becoming AZA).

To try to answer your questions, AZA zoos are more likely to be high quality because in order to be accredited, they have to have a certain amount of cash flow. Having more funding / income tends to make regular operating issues easier to solve. AZA zoos are certainly more heavily scrutinized every five years by their accrediting body than a group like ZAA, which is mostly focused on animal care / education / conservation and isn't going to meddle in a zoo's business operations. But AZA zoos aren't perfect. Most of them don't even meet all of the AZA standards completely at the time of inspection: there was an article a couple years back about how rare it was that Cheyenne Mountain Zoo met all of the AZA standards at the time of inspection - only the 4th zoo to do so in AZA's 50-something year history. (How that works is that zoos that don't meet all the standards but are close get provisionally accredited, and then have to fix or improve some stuff within the first year to keep it). And believe me, AZA zoos can and do have problems too - look at the embezzlement conducted by the previous leadership at Columbus, or the sexual assault and conduct issues with the Director at Henry Vilas. They're just less often covered in ways that are visible to the public.

Accreditation is a good indicator what a zoo intends to be, and what animal care / conservation ethos it participates in. It isn't, however, always a guarantee that the facility is good or that the animal care (or staff welfare!) is better than at an unaccredited or alternately-accredited place.

[ms-demeanor]

hi! i’ve been following you for a bit and seen you post abt taking nutrition courses, and i was wondering if you could talk about how you found/vetted your program? i have a community-oriented foodservice job and i’m interested in learning more about nutrition, but i know there’s a lot of dubious stuff/outright pseudoscience in the field so i’m wary of just signing up for the nearest/cheapest class.

So if you're looking at doing nutrition in a serious academic in the US way you need to take courses in an ACEND accredited program; there is an industry compliance standard that is required for RDs/RDNs so I started from there and worked backwards. I looked at state schools in my area that had programs on that list, then looked at community colleges in my area. California has pretty strict rules about accredited community colleges and state colleges in terms of what is transferable and transfer-ability is one of the better markers of a program that is not hot garbage. The school that I'm currently at has a program that complies with the Cal State requirements for an AS-T (Associates of Science Transfer) degree for Nutrition. There's another nearby school that has a more comprehensive program that offers both an AS-T and further lower-division nutrition classes.

If you're not thinking about becoming an RD/RDN (which at this point requires an MS in nutrition, a 10-month internship, and board certification) but want to learn more, I'd still say that working backwards works and you will likely be well served by seeing which schools in your area have an accredited program, which community colleges - if any - they accept transfers from, and signing up for basic classes.

If you're interested in doing an online class, it looks like there's a free class (the audit option is free) on basic nutrition offered through EdX from UC Riverside - this course outline looks very similar to basic nutrition classes I've taken.

The thing is that in some ways nutrition is pretty simple; there are essential nutrients, we need to make sure to get enough of them, a lot of people don't get enough of them, and most people's nutrition can be improved by eating a varied diet that includes many fruits and vegetables with sugar and some kinds of fats in moderation (but everyone needs protein, carbohydrates, and fats as part of their diet).

In other ways nutrition is tremendously complicated, highly specific to individuals, and people look at it as a silver bullet to solve all problems. And the really frustrating thing is that if you've got certain kinds of issues (celiac disease being one example that I'm intimately familiar with) then proper nutrition IS actually a silver bullet. But it's not a silver bullet for, say, heart disease or diabetes (both of which *interact* with the foods a person consumes, but are likely not purely caused by food consumption and may not be significantly mediated by nutritional care alone).

And that makes it a field ripe for charlatans!

But if you're doing community-oriented food service specifically i think that you're probably going to do well looking into programs for nutrition for public health and looking at accredited local schools. If you can't do that, check on what's available from schools that are ACEND accredited but have online classes through stuff like EdX - the UC Riverside program falls into that category, and there were classes from Arizona State University - which has a really widely known, accredited, and popular nutrition program - in that same category.

But. Yeah. I'm sorry. The field is kind of a nightmare and huge chunks of it are very misleading and even if you're looking at well vetted stuff there's going to be some garbage and it's going to depend a lot on the age of the program and how long people have been teaching in that program. It's a mess! It's a fascinating mess but it's a mess nonetheless!

[nerves-nebula]

What are the limit and perks of Etik’s magic aac Wyrm thing?

sooo i try to give it some of the same or similar limitations as some real AAC devices (not that I have much experience so if any of this is wrong let me know but anyway)

for example, it's a bit hard to show in comic format without doing some extra work but it takes her a second to respond, and sometimes the responses come in bursts. the voice isn't exactly how she'd like it to sound either, cuz it was programmed by her mother.

IRL the delay would be because she's typing/putting together the sentence for it to be read out, and in universe it's similar but instead of physical effort it takes mental effort to focus on kind of like. "pushing" the things she wants to say into the mouth of the snake. it's magic shit.

and because it takes effort and time and she needs to communicate quickly IRL because everyone else talks fast, she'll often cut out stuff she deems unnecessary when she's setting up sentences. so like why bother writing "I think I'll come with you actually" when you could just go "I come with" or "I come with you" or even just "Me too" or "I follow"

this means if she's very upset or distracted or tired it takes longer or even might be impossible. if she's having a melt down she might just repeat one or two things over and over, as if she was wildly mashing a button or something. or she'd be completely unable to focus on making words happen at all

also, it needs to be magically "recharged" as it were. which isn't a huge deal since Etik can usually recharge it herself, what with learning magic and all that. but if she's too tired she'll need to get Groe or Maureno or Cara to do it for her, and it means she's got an hour or so where she can't speak. Though now that I think about it, they might consider that too much of a hazard and make her a secondary AAC device so that she always has at least one ready to go.

as for perks, well, it's really cool to have a flying snake. also, it's not heavy and is infinitely portable since it is, yknow, a flying snake. the voice, while not ideal, sounds pretty natural too, more like some of the more advanced AI voices they have now than the traditional robotic text to speech shit. and because it's directly linked to Etik and nobody else, no one else can intrude on it and force Etik to say shit she doesn't want to. (ok well they COULD but they'd have to be skilled at magic in order to do that and if thats what they're doing with their magical abilities we're probably gonna have other issues too lol)

also she can use it to bite and attack people she doesn't like because she has full command of it and where it goes. so it's part guard-dog part magic familiar part AAC device.

it doesn't have a personality tho, like, it's not a real animal.

[mueritos]

Hey Matteo!

I was just wondering like how your overall experience with Boston has been?

I'm a transmasc butch, from a small town, and have been questioning moving to that area (either around Boston or closer to Salem) and I'm autistic and Deaf (very little amount of my hearing left) so I try to do as much research as I can before solidifying ideas.. but I've also desperately been wanting out of my hometown and Midwest State.

I'm especially interested in any Queer friendly experiences you've had and/or museums as I am an anthropology major (Archaeology focus)

hey there! I'll insert a read more :)

It's good you're researching the area ^-^ like any city, there's pros and cons, and like any other major city, if you're looking for something, it is likely here already. Biggest cons to me in this city are 1. expensive as fuck (rent can be anywhere between 1200-2000+ per bed/room), transportation is mid (trains are cool but systemic racism has made it difficult to access certain neighborhoods), and the weather (i'm used to it because it's like a slightly colder PA). Oh, and I truly believe there is no good food in Boston. You have to LEAVE Boston to eat good food lol.

Pros! I do think the city is mostly autistic friendly, surprisingly. Sure a city on average is louder, but there are plenty of quieter places to live and you don't really see/hear people out late at night, unless you're living by universities. As for my daily experience, there's all kinds of queer events to go to in the area, including support groups (Boston Area Trans Support Group BATS) and university hosted events that are open to the public. From what I hear, there's not much of a huge art scene, but the MFA is quite active in the Fenway area and you can always find ways to be involved by contacting universities as well. There's a science museum I've been meaning to go to, but I did go to the aquarium and that was like soo awesome. You can search on r/boston as well for any specific experiences or museum/anthropology stuff. I have a friend rn who collects shells and maybe he would have some direct connections, so I will ask him ^-^

For the most part, people in Boston are very queer friendly. I don't know a single homophobic person haha, but I know of people who are TERF adjacent. RACISM and transphobia is probably one of the biggest things here. The city is very segregated and like I mentioned above, it can be difficult accessing certain parts of the city (mainly BIPOC parts) without a car (45-1 hour + on the train/bus vs a 15-30 min drive). I experience a lot of the usual city experiences, people asking for money or asking you for directions, but if you're kind then you won't have an issue. People freak out like its the NYC here when a homeless person walks up to them, but the best advice is try to carry cash, and if you can't give, just say "god bless you I hope you take care".

Anyway, there are several Deaf community events that I know are mainly hosted through Northeastern University. They have deaf interpreter program and they have events open to the public as well. If you want a deaf/hoh community, i think they're your best first step. Their site also has some state resources.

Also a lesbian bar just opened up! Dani's was cute and fun, went with friends once and while the drinks were expensive, the vibe was nice. Saw lots of awesome lesbians and t boys and transmascs all around. While queer spaces will be primarily white, there are BIPOC spaces if you're looking for that too.

this was all over the place but i think this is all I have to say. if anyone else is currently living in Boston or the Salem area and wants to share their thoughts, pls do! ive only been here for about 2 years and I plan to leave soon, so I won't know what its like past the summer.

Good luck!

[we-are-inevitable]

Infodump about the frat au. Literally everything I’ve never come across you before. Pretty please and than you <3

i feel like i’ve shared so so much about this world but here are some fun things that aren’t important to the actual story but that i love!!:

technically davey is the middle sibling. he was born 12 minutes after sarah and she never lets him forget it! (oddly enough, the number 12 shows up a lot in his life. he thinks it’s a fun little reminder. he considers it his lucky number because it always makes him think of sarah, and sarah always makes him feel better.)

jack speaks fluent spanish because he’s half mexican, and davey speaks fluent spanish because it’s one of the 5 languages he knows outside of english! (he’s only fluent in 2 of the 5, but he’s passable in the other 3 and can have conversations with minimal struggle)

charlie is a HUGE sports nut. he’s really into hockey and plays sled hockey recreationally! he’s really competitive and brutal about it. in the fic, he has multiple sclerosis and primarily uses forearm crutches, but he has a black and green wheelchair kitted out in stickers, patches, and pins that he uses at least three times a weak.

charlie, albert, and jack all watch hockey games together and try to go to at least two games a season once they get closer.

davey loves live music but it can be a lot for him sometimes— he tends to stay in the back and uses noise canceling earbuds, but loves people watching and loves the atmosphere. gay bars don’t bother him as much because the noise level- albeit loud- is less so, but he always carries his ear buds on him. he keeps them on a carabiner clipped to his belt or crossbody like the fag he is.

(jack doesn’t think he’s allowed to say “fag.” davey assures him he is. jack has issues and he’s working through them.)

davey works at a public library close to campus, and spends most of his time with youth and teen programming. (he loves his job.) jack works in the fraternity and sorority affairs office as a student leader; he talks to current high schoolers about joining greek life. (he hates his job.)

davey likes horror movies and jack doesn’t like horror movies but he likes being able to hold davey’s hand through it.

jack drives an jeep cherokee from the early 2000s. medda helped him get it when he decided to go to college outside of the city, bc public transportation isn’t as easily accessible. jack got his license at 18 and thinks it’s stupid that he has to drive places now but he really likes his shitty little car. her name is Rory like the gilmore girls character but he swears there’s no relation

on campus, jack usually skateboards, and davey rides his bike everywhere. davey’s car is a little 2014 corolla named Miss Priss and she’s decked out in bumper stickers and trinkets inside.

race and albert have been together since high school. they SHOULD never have time for each other but they somehow never leave each other’s side. it’s kind of disgusting actually.

race starts learning how to do drag about a month before he meets jack!

katherine and spot work as waitresses at the same restaurant. they should not get along. they are best friends.

[preggomancer]

Mother is really cool!! Is there background as to why it was created?

oh you would not believe how much thought I put into this 

SHORT ANSWER: due to the whole post-apocalypse situation, there was a population crisis and Mother was built as an ethical solution. 

LONG ANSWER: The setting is sort of post-post-apocalypse, where society is getting its legs back under it. (is. That the saying. Anyway) Mother is from the dwindling remains of a civilization which was never huge to begin with, but now has only a few thousand people. At this point, birth control/abortion etc are universally accessible, and in a society where most traditional values were scrapped in favor of survival, not a ton of people want to get pregnant. Because it’s hard and unpleasant and also everyone’s kind of busy with the rebuilding society thing. This meant they were at risk of dying out in a few generations. Because this particular society is run partially by a bunch of AI who think very hard about ethics all the time, they weren’t about to force anyone to have kids against their will. So they all thought extremely hard about what to do, and figured out that the only ethical solution was to create a robot specifically for the purpose of procreation. 

This was itself a whole problem. They have the tech to grow babies whole cloth, but it’s far too difficult and resource-intensive to do on a large scale. They originally considered implanting an AI in a donor corpse, but aside from the challenge of having to find a donor with the right body parts and age who just happened to die in a way that sticking a robo brain in there would fix, that raises a whole slew of ethical problems with autonomy. Does the new host have a right to pilot around this body, where is the line between body and person, etc etc. 

So the solution they set on was to grow one body which would never have a human mind. Which just came down to developing a fetus with almost no brain—just enough for basic physical functions. The body was then run by a dummy program for about a decade, which had no intelligence, but just kept it alive and healthy until it had enough fine motor skills to not be super annoying to live in. They then replaced the dummy program with Mother. 

To the robots, this was a perfect ethical solution which totally negated any concerns about autonomy. Mother's not human, and never was! It has total autonomy, so they can be sure it's acting of its own free will, and it's just programmed so that it'll (most likely) choose to perform its role as surrogate. Of course, a lot of humans still feel weird about it, because we have all these built-in ideas about the human soul and whatnot. I imagine that its a lot like some humans are having this ongoing existential philosophical crisis about the whole thing and the robots just can't comprehend what the issue is.

[daz4i]

ok now i'm at home in bed and can make a proper post with all my thoughts. gushing abt personal stuff and possibly getting into sensitive territory here and there under the cut

today was really nice 🥹

i love our group i'm so glad i got to meet them i'm so glad they are a part of my life

everything went well. i'm honestly. extremely proud of myself for making it through this entire process, and not giving up like i at times wanted to. the last few weeks where my role was tweaked a little were super fun and today was the highlight, like seeing and hearing the audience clap even when i did just the littlest things was so. satisfying

after the show lots of people, including complete strangers, came up to me and told me i was great and that i was both funny and touching and they loved my part, i got so many hugs ahdjkflg 😭😭😭 beyond the clapping and laughter i got during the show which were already nice 🥹

the show itself was received better than i expected, and i started liking it more in recent weeks too hehe. we leaned into the campiness of it even more and it made it so much more fun to experience

it reminded me how much i love theater and how much i love being on a stage and not to sound spiritual or w/e but i truly was meant for this like this is what i'm supposed to be doing. i hope i can some day do it for money lol enough to make a living at least :P

. my whole body hurts (fr this show was so much exercise for my lazy ass 😩) but it's a good kind of hurt? bc it comes with satisfaction. hope i don't regret saying this tomorrow :P

in addition to playing in the show i was also somewhat of an assistant director lol. both our director and someone from the management team who was involved in the process mentioned it to my mom separately, like our director praised me for this and said my insight was always helpful and that i had great ideas omg 😭 this entire time i was worried that i'm like. taking over too much or smth bc i always had shit to say abt everything fr :P but ig it was received well 🙏 here and there i gave comments to other actors too to remind them stuff or correcr certain movements or lines and i was always worried it annoyed them but. they never got mad at any point. so maybe i can accept that i'm allowed to take space and offer my insight and not only will nothing bad happen, but good things will happen even hehe.

so this is where i get into the sensitive stuff i mentioned. bc if you follow me then you probably know my mental state is Not Great to say the least. and while i did have a lot of anxiety today (even got 2 pieces of somewhat bad news during the day which ofc were both huge bummers) i didn't think abt wanting to die even once. at some point my mean brain tried to bring it up and i managed to shut it down immediately which practically never happens (even when i'm having fun with friends it usually takes a bit more time for me to shake the thought away). which is kind of amazing and also another confirmation that i should be doing this more probably. i think

and. i mentioned being proud of myself. that's also smth that never happens but my aforementioned mean brain can't argue this time bc i absolutely objectively DO have the right to be proud of myself for everything i've done

less than one year ago i barely went out, maybe twice a week at most. the only people i met regularly were my parents (bc. i live with them lol) and my close friends. now i go out 4 times a week at the minimum and i interact not only with my fellow actors but other people in the art program as well, i use public transport which i basically never did since i was like. in high school. and talk to strangers even though I'm still terrified

i didn't just go on a stage but allowed myself to be filmed and managed to look at pictures of myself from the dress rehearsal despite having Issues™️ with this sort of thing. being seen wasn't bad. it was good even. i didn't feel as self conscious about the whole thing as i usually do basically

it's kind of amazing to see how much i've changed tbh. achieved. i didn't think smth like this could happen, let alone so quickly (and during. a literal war. that obviously didn't help anyone's mental state)

like. i mentioned being proud of myself. and this is a part of it, doing things that are so huge for someone like me and compared to who i usually am. but i think even compared to a normal person, i did a pretty damn good job that most people don't normally do, and i absolutely earned the right to feel good for the work i put in

^even thinking this is like chewing glass for me so this is ALSO an achievement actually. me feeling good about myself i mean. feeling pride. acknowledging my own success. makes me look back at other things i do/did that others are proud of me for and go "huh. i guess they're right" even tho i denied it before

idk. maybe i'll get a major adrenaline crash and forget these feelings tomorrow. maybe they'll last for a few days. maybe they'd even make a long term mark! who knows! i guess we can only hope (realistically speaking, the way i know myself, it won't stick :P but who knows. maybe just like i am currently building myself and my life little by little, i'll keep accumulating successes like this little by little too, solidify my self esteem a bit more at a time lol

idk how to finish this post. uh. if you read this i'm kissing you on the mouth. i'd say i hope i don't sound too conceited but nah i earned the right to be so anyway 🧐 no one gets to tell me otherwise

[onpurposeilovehimonpurpose]

An Incomplete List: Things I Love About HRH Prince Henry & FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz

Happy February 1st, ya'll. I've decided to start posting an image that represents (in feeling or with direct imagery) Alex's list about Henry. While I can't do too much with gifs because my computer won't run the programs I need it to and I need to save up for one that does. I'm trying this format because I miss posting about RW&RB each day, and giving my thoughts. I'm going to post one each day in February, (the month of love) and I will use the other nine days to post my version of Henry's incomplete list for Alex.

I encourage everyone who may come across this post to do the same and tag it with (#An Incomplete List) and whatever other tags of course that you think will work, and reblog this too. It'll be fun spreading the love as the days go on and seeing what everyone can come up with for Alex's days too. Pictures, fanart, video clips, even if all you do is talk about the quote, it'll be fun to click the tag on Tumblr and see what others have contributed. Just a reminder of the list:

AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY 1. The sound of your laugh when I piss you off. 2. The way you smell underneath your fancy cologne, like clean linens but somehow also fresh grass (what kind of magic is this?) 3. That thing you do where you stick out your chin to try to look tough. 4. How your hands look when you play piano. 5. All the things I understand about myself now because of you. 6. How you think Return of the Jedi is the best Star Wars (wrong) because deep down you're a gigantic, sappy, embarrassing romantic who just wants the happily ever after. 7. Your ability to recite Keats. 8. Your ability to recite Bernadette's "Don't let it drag you down" monologue from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. 9. How hard you try. 10. How hard you've always tried. 11. How determined you are to keep trying. 12. That when your shoulders cover mine, nothing else in the entire stupid world matters. 13. The goddamn issue of Le Monde you brought back to London with you and kept and have on your nightstand (yes, I saw it). 14. The way you look when you first wake up. 15. Your shoulder-to-waist ratio. 16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart. 17. Your equally huge dick. 18. The face you just made when you read that last one. 19. The way you look when you first wake up (I know I already said this, but I really, really love it). 20. The fact that you loved me all along.”

[apcjoyfulfoundation]

Is there a glossary or FAQ for these weird terms you're using?

#ShamelessSelfPromo

Yeah! Here’s from our subreddit.

This is the most frequently asked questions for the Unfiction project. Home Entertainment, we want to help people understand what we mean by certain terms and features to Kickstart thus MASSIVE Arg. This is huge project so there is Terms that might confuse the commoners and folk who aren't used to it.

What does the APC stand for?

It's never really discussed, but it means "Anomalous Protection Coalition Foundation" the reason is currently unknown to the Restoration Project team. But that's what we understand from commercials, posters, and gadgets. Even some trademarked letters

What's with all the security around what the HR do?

Because it's STRICTLY forbidden/confidential to leak any data from the Human Resources database. Thus means any files, any photos, any indirect or direct sources accompanied the Human Resources team/lab

What does Overseer mean?

We can't declassifie that.

What does Joyful Spiral mean?

It is a program made within the 1990s that was a free therapy program for the APC Foundation. It had additional fees, but it was mostly free. It had top of the line therapists and specialists for these young children with their development through life and help them grow into people

It helped finalize a lot of the mental states of many children around the globe. It was ran in Los Angeles California, Florida, and Oakland County. It was also great for financially for the parents who couldn't afford regular therapy so they turned to this cheap and affordable opportunity inside.

A lot of people were supportive about this kind of movement, but it had allegations of women getting harassed (Allegedly) at the workforce. With creeps who would cat-call women who wanted to support their Children in their development.

Who's running the Restoration Project?

The main one who's finding the information is me. Issac Phillips also known as the Questionnaire. But the government has been supporting us. But then they randomly cut out budget for some reason?

How can we support the Unfiction project?

Subscribe to my YouTube or just interact with the blogs/tweets, that's the best you can do to support my work

What does Joyful Darlings mean? What's the Restoration Project?

No worries! It’s fine to be confused with such a massive project at such a large scale, but the project was funded in 2016 to recover some things from TheDarlings. Co workshop and from the APC Foundation

It’s been a wild ride through finding these things, but I’ve had so much fun finding new and exciting things from the facility. For some reason, our budget went down? That’s the major loss from this whole escapade

I truly don’t know if we’ll uncover all of it because the APC have been running for 12+ years at this point. And we have to sift through a lot of material for crucial details and information so it’ll take time. But an exciting time it will be, I might add.

Is the APC Foundation evil in some sort of way?

No…

Who is the APC Foundation? Is there an About us page?

We started in 1974 as a labyrinth of funding other companies like trader millers, a Logistics company which we still used. But one company caught our eye in the 1980s called TheDarlings. Inc workshop which was a company around making wooden and fluffy toys

We signed a lot of boring paperwork to become one giant ecosystem of two companies. We are so happy we had a great time with TheDarlings

Due to security issues; TheDarlings. Inc fell to bankruptcy and wasn’t a big fan of us

We fell into security issues too with accidental false advertising so we fell into bankruptcy from a small lawsuit from an unknown who’s first name was Alan

Our founder, Davison Killington or Mister Killington died unfortunately and unexpectedly in Oakland county in 2013

Is there any resources/links I could follow?

https://welcomehomeentertainmentproject.carrd.co

https://www.tumblr.com/apcjoyfulfoundation?source=share

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1d27KOyXucJ67E3Xhi8PU37jmXHDAE6-2CZ7PvkMM3cs/edit?usp=drivesdk

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wBM89KkoJsxUmG1AnmB4R4fa1nCyKvB5kh-0ALNElSg/edit?usp=drivesdk

https://welcomehomeentertainment.carrd.co/#terms

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mmP1DokhvRVlKanZDh0P-motTUyPod16BPT07ja0LLo/edit?usp=drivesdk

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ROtgu0l6FhHr9QwMQVqV6BBfxEeIhedxD5Jk1SZfZCU/edit?usp=drivesdk

How close are you being done with the project?

As of June first. We are 71% the way there.

[maintitle]

I watched DS9's It's Only A Paper Moon yesterday, and I want to talk about it because it wasn't until right now that I understood why it slapped me across the face so much, and why I think that episode is so important to me.

This may be triggering to people with disabilities, heart conditions, disabilities from COVID, or medical or military related trauma. Read ahead at your own risk.

I developed a heart condition at 18 from the H1N1 virus (which is why I tell all my friends to take preventive measures if they had COVID, because these kinds of new and unknown viruses can have long-lasting effects on you we don't know yet). While I had a lot of tests and missed a lot of school that year, the effects of that wouldn't be clear for years until at 24 I got a pacemaker/defibrillator put in in what we later found out was a life-saving surgery. The trauma of that event took a long time to catch up with me. While I'm still facing symptoms and limitations from that period of my life, the immediate danger has passed. But it took A LONG time for the fear of what happened to me, the PTSD of that event, to catch up with me. I've dealt with huge panic attacks and hyper-obsessive fears regarding my heart since around twenty-nine, fears I live with and fight through in therapy to this day.

As someone facing those issues, I hooked onto A Paper Moon this watch in a way I haven't before. The issue deals with the loss of Nog's leg in battle earlier in the season, a traumatic experience he had in the middle of a warzone only halfway through their defense. During his recovery, Julian begins to play recordings of I'll Be Seeing You, put together by Vic Fontaine, a semi-aware holodeck program that is really popular on DS9.

Nog returns from surgery at the beginning of the episode, and is walking with a cane. Multiple people on staff, including Julian himself, is concerned over the use of the cane because medically, he shouldn't have a need for it. He shouldn't even be in pain based off of what they know from the new leg and the nerves around it, but he's in pain and having trouble walking. A lot of the arguments in the early episode revolve around people talking behind Nog's back about how they can't understand why he has the cane or why he's in pain when there doesn't appear to be a medical reason for it.

The answer is actually incredibly simple: It's not the leg, it's the trauma from loosing the leg. Nog, who is still incredibly young in the episode, had somehow seen himself as invincible, a young cadet wanting to prove Ferengi can be incredible members of Starfleet, who had seen quite a bit of action and was cocksure, and in one moment he not only lost that bravado, but he also learned he was mortal in one horrifying singular moment.

Obviously, Nog is lucky enough to live in an era where it's possible to replace a lost limb, but that doesn't change the fact that for a horrifying unmentioned, maybe SEVERAL DAY period of time, he was left on a makeshift bed, listening to fighting outside, knowing that he could be attacked at any time, could die at any time from factors not even exterior to him. And now he just has to... go back to life after that horrifying dose of his own mortality.

The only thing that gets him by is that recording of I'll Be Seeing You by Vic Fontaine, because that's the only thing that he had to take him out of that horrifying situation while he laid on that makeshift gurney. The episode explores that idea by having him play it while trying to sleep, and eventually go to the holodeck and try to live in it with Vic after he was shamed for being in bed too long and for listening to said music for too long.

The funny thing is, Vic is the ONLY person, INCLUDING THE COUNSELOR ONBOARD DS9, who recognizes that his pain is valid. Vic, as a hologram, recognizes that his pain isn't crazy, it's as real as the injury he experienced, because Vic has a perspective that none of these hyper-worn-down Starfleet Officers or parental figures in his life has: His LIFE is a series of not-real instances of pain, of happiness, of dealing with other people he knows are holograms. Vic isn't like Moriarty in TNG, he's not like other semi-sentient Holodeck programs, he KNOWS he's a program but he also finds that life to be very real FOR HIM. The feelings of one of his bandmates are as real to him as the problems of Julian walking in to talk about one of the many women he simps for not feeling the same, because despite knowing they're not physically real, he CARES for them and takes their lives seriously.

Nog's feelings are real. His PAIN is real, even if a doctor can't understand why. Nog's in the middle of a long, extended panic attack where he's internalizing a near life-ending medical emergency and doesn't know how to DEAL with it. He loses himself in the program because it's the only place he can get past the trauma of the event, he's hostile to others who try and look at him with pity or as a hero because he doesn't want to be DEFINED by that pain. Vic knows this, and builds him up in other ways. Gives him a life to live, watches him slowly not need the cane and not even realize it, gives him tools and an environment to cope and generally is the only person that validates that trauma.

The episode is maybe one of the series best mental health episodes possible, and DS9 is generally REALLY good with these issues. As someone with medical trauma, I saw myself in Nog. I'm sure others who have experienced disabilities in the military see even more of themselves in him. We relate to it because we're constantly belittled or told our pain is in our heads, when the truth is we FEEL it. I feel it multiple times a month, when I lay down and go to bed and lay on my side just right that I can feel my heartbeat, and then I overanalyze it, and then that leads to a panic attack and me grabbing a pressure cuff or a fingertip pulse whatever it is to see if I'm okay, but by then I can't come down from the panic attack until it's done. I feel it when I'm helping someone move or if I'm on a casual walk and I feel my heartbeat spike, and my mind overreacts and wonders if this is normal exertion or a heart attack.

Not FEELS these things. It's real pain. And Vic doesn't invalidate it. It's as real as the injury itself, and it's not one that he'll ever truly conquer. But the episode gives him time, space and kindness to help him find coping mechanisms in order to continue with his life and dreams, and THAT'S Trek to me. A future where these things can be understood and worked through, without the constant shame that people with disabilities face when describing the trauma responses they suffer on a day-to-day basis.

In the end, Nog is heard. The main characters come to understand that what he felt is real. The episode gives him the time to work through complicated PTSD, and while he's not okay at the end, he's learning to live with it. And it's really fucking special to see this explored with a character we saw grow up into a man, on a show where the future is meant to be better than the present, written by writers in 1998 where they had no right to handle this as well as they did. This was an exceptionally special episode of television.