#there is another a bit softer and not so dark and gritty

[sunandflame]

Alber "King" MODERN AU: Government Experiment Survivor | Underground Fighter

Alber, who was taken from an orphanage at just 3 years old, labeled "unclaimed" and selected for a government experiment that erased his identity before it ever formed.

Alber, whose childhood was replaced with laboratories and locked rooms, trained like a weapon and shaped through years of genetic editing and violent physical conditioning.

Alber, whose body was designed to endure what others could not — with muscle density beyond normal, reinforced bones, suppressed empathy, and a nervous system that learned to silence pain before it could reach his brain.

Alber, the most successful prototype they ever created — silent, obedient, inhumanly resilient — until he disappeared at 17 during a transport blackout, killing two handlers and vanishing into smoke and silence.

Alber, who no longer existed in any system, who gave himself a new name — King — not as a title, but as a shield. A way to hide in plain sight while the government still hunted ghosts.

King, who stands at 2 meters tall — that’s 6 feet 7 inches of broad, quiet mass. A man built like a fortress, with a presence that fills any room he walks into, even when he says nothing at all.

King, who fights in illegal underground circuits, cash-only, off-grid, nameless — known only by bruised mouths and broken ribs.

King, whose reputation carries further than his voice ever has: undefeated, silent, merciless. A myth in the flesh. Rumors say he doesn’t feel pain. No one knows where he goes after the match ends.

King, who moves like he’s still being watched. Who fights with brutal efficiency — a fusion of military kill-strikes and raw street brawling. There is no waste in his motion, only intent.

King, whose back is carved with a massive black wings tattoo — spanning shoulder to hip, inked with precision and grief. A monument to what he was supposed to be, and what they tried to take.

King, who lives above a junkyard in an abandoned apartment, walls stained with oil and silence. A mattress on the floor. Taped-over mirrors. A punching bag swinging like a pendulum in a room that never changes.

King, who eats the same meals. Who trains every morning. Who fixes bikes and cars for cash and does side security at a bar where no one makes eye contact.

King, who doesn’t let anyone close. Who doesn’t speak unless it matters. Who makes every word feel like a loaded gun.

King, whose body is all survival but whose soul still flickers behind burned-out eyes. Who isn’t cruel — just disconnected. Emotionally shut down, because nothing inside him was ever allowed to grow.

King, who watches the door even when it’s locked. Who never sleeps through the night. Who wakes up mid-fight, fists clenched, breath caught in a memory that doesn’t belong to this world.

King, who carries phantom pain and names he doesn’t say out loud. Who remembers the screaming, the silence, the training rooms painted red.

You, who didn’t flinch when he walked in bloodied and silent. Who didn’t ask for explanations. Who didn’t treat him like a threat — or a myth.

You, who spoke to him gently. Who handed him a clean towel. Who called him by name like it wasn’t something stolen.

You, who kept showing up. Who never pried, never demanded. Who looked at him like he was human, not haunted.

He never thought he could want. Not anything real. Not softness. Not warmth. Not you.

He doesn’t know how to touch gently, but he learns. Slowly. With still hands and shallow breath. He learns to stay when everything in him says run.

He tries to keep you away. Puts up walls that don’t speak, closes doors that never truly lock. You find your way in anyway. And that’s what terrifies him most — not that you’ll leave. But that you’ll stay. And someone will find you. And someone will hurt you. And it will be because of him.

[definitelynotthedarklord]

My idea for a Batman Animated Series.

In the first season he's that stereotypical year one Batman, dark and gritty, a boogeyman to be whispered about by cops and crooks alike, fighting mostly his more reality grounded enemies like Falcone and Black Mask as he struggles to find balance between being batman and Bruce Wayne, and in the finale we see Batman thwart some mobsters trying to break into Ace Chemicals, led by, you guessed it, Red Hood.

Then, in season 2, things get a bit crazier when characters like Riddler, Mad Hatter, Two Face, Penguin and Catwoman make the scene, but none of them come close to the insanity that is The Joker in the finale.

Then season 3 comes around and we begin to expand on Batman's character and the universe around him, bringing in actual supervillains like Mr Freeze, Man Bat, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow and others, while also bringing in Dick Grayson, who Batman meets as Dick's looking for the man who killed his parents, Batman sees part of himself in Dick and takes him in, and offers to teach him how to be like Batman so he can bring his parent's killer to justice, but over the course of Dick's training it becomes clear Dick is not Batman, hes loud when he should be stealthy, makes jokes in serious situations and takes unnecessary risks because of his overconfidence in his abilities, but after a a fight with Mr. Freeze where he almost dies to protect his wife, Bruce starts to wonder if its better if Dick isn't like him, if he could be a better hero than Batman, and thus Robin is born. It would also be the season we start introducing other heroes, like after fighting Maxie Zeus, Batman has a brief and combative encounter with Wonder Woman, and in another episode stops his long lost friend, Oliver Queen, from killing the man who tried to kill him, and in stead brought him to justice, inspiring him to become a hero like Bruce (he'd get the idea of being green from getting green paint spilled on him and a news photographer getting a picture of "The Dark Knight and The Evergreen Archer.") And another episode where Lex Luthor approaches Bruce about buying some tech, but Bruce shoots him down, knowing all too well Lex would use the tech for evil, but the tech gets stolen so Batman travels to Metropolis and meets Superman, and despite neither trusting or even liking the other, they manage to stop Luthor's evil plot, and it would of course have a scene where Superman x rays Batman's mask and sees he's Bruce Wayne, but Bruce would hit him back by sending Clark Kent a pair of glasses with a note that says "These will help with facial recognition software." after he left.

Then season 4 starts with showing Bruce actually going to therapy, and who's his therapist? Why none other than his old friend from med school Harleen Quinzel. This is the season where we see a softer Batman, one who understand some criminals are as much victims as villains, and really steps up as Bruce Wayne, putting his money towards preventing crime rather than punching it, but not to worry there's still plenty of punching, namely against foes of Bruce and Batman alike, such as Hush, Ra's Al Ghul, and the court of owls. Also in season 4 and episode where Robin wants to hang out with other teen superheroes like Kid Flash, Speedy, Aqualad and Wonder Girl, though with Batman helicoptering to make sure they didn't get into too much trouble. This teenage outing inspires Batman to contact other heroes and form thr Justice League. We'd also introduce Batgirl in there somewhere, where after saw some goons break into a warehouse on Halloween, she put on a Batman costume to try and scare them, but the goons saw through the ruse and started shooting, and then the real Batman shows up and tell Barbara to leave it to him, but she couldn't, and using the skills she had learned from her Father, Jim Gordon, she tracked down the thieves, who had been working for Firefly, and helped the Batman take the villain down, but not before escaping a burning building. Commissioner Gordon approached the two of them, but because of the costume and soot that coated her, couldn't recognize Barbara, when asked Batman said she was part if his team. She and Dick would of course be rivals at first, but after time would become friends, and maybe something more..

Season 5, Dick leaves to become a full time Titan, though it's not because he and Bruce have a big fight, more like he feels like it's time to spread his wings and get out from Batman's shadow. Batman would also meet Jason Todd as he's stealing tires, and after taking him in would ask Dick for advise and eventually his blessing to make Jason the new Robin, Dick would agree saying he was working on a new identity anyway, because it's hard being Robin without Batman. Jason would prove more of a handful than Dick was, angrier, more rebellious.

Season 6, The Joker captures Robin and Batgirl, and after beating Robin to death with a crowbar, shoots Batgirl and leaves her to die next to Robin's body. Batman finds them and goes on a rampage, leaving criminals bloodied and more broken than he ever had in his early years, but none of it mattered in his hunt for The Joker, all the while he's questioning himself, if all the work he's done, both as Batman and Bruce, mattered if monsters like Joker existed, and when Batman finally finds The Joker, he beats him to an inch of his life, and almost finishes the job, but Gordon talks him down. And there's a beautiful funeral scene with other heroes there, but after, we see minions of Talia Al Ghul digging up the grave, and it's revealed that the whole thing was orchestrated by Ra's to try and push Bruce over the edge to get him to his way of thinking, something Ra's and Talia didn't see eye to eye on. And we also get to see Joker, in a full body cast, in Arkham, where doctors are discussing what to do with him, and they decide to call the best psychiatrist in Gotham, Harleen Quinzel.

Season 7, Bane breaks Batman's back and puts him in a coma, in Batman's absence crime goes rampant, and Nightwing comes back to Gotham to take up the mantle of Batman and with Barbara/Oracle's help, take down Bane, but they're not the only ones, Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown both try to be Robin but after a lengthy debate decide Tim can be Robin and Stephanie can be Batgirl, Kate Kane, Bruce's cousin becomes Batwoman, Luke Fox, son of Bruce Wayne's tech developer Lucius Fox, becomes Batwing, and even Azrael shows up. Dick, of course, tries to tell the others to leave Bane to him, but even dressed like Batman Dick isn't a convincing Batman, so he takes what he's learned, both from working alongside Batman and from leading the Titans, and leads newly assembled Bat Family to bring Bane down and restore order to Gotham. At which point Bruce wakes up and Dick leaves joking that "they're you're problem now." And at the end we get a little glimpse of the next Big Bad, Red Hood/Jason Todd.

Season 8, After the defeat of Bane by the Bat Family left a power vacuum in Gotham's criminal underworld, Red Hood and his gang of Outlaws take over the streets, leaving death in their wake, but the Bat Family is having trouble dealing with them because somehow the Outlaws know exactly what the Bat Family is going to do, and then it's revealed that Red Hood was Jason Todd and he's mad at Bruce, and it's very emotional, but when Jason puts a gun to Bruce's head, Bruce says he's sorry and accepts his fate, but when Jason can't pull the trigger Talia Al Ghul steps out from the shadows and reveals how she was the mastermind behind the whole thing, how she brought Jason back to life and brainwashed him into being the Red Hood, then uses a sleeper agent code phrase on Jason to make him kill Bruce, but Bruce manages to beat Jason. Talia escapes and Bruce takes Jason back to the cave to try and un brainwash him. Meanwhile Talia crawls back to her father and agrees to his plan, whatever it may be.

Season 9 Joker's back and has Harley Quinn with him, and in a moment alone woth Batman, Harley reveals how she knows Bruce is Batman, but she won't tell because "Mistah J ain't interested in the man under the bat," but it ends with Harley betraying the Joker because she realizes he doesn't love her. Afterwards we get to see Harley being put in a cell in Arkham next to Poison Ivy.

Season 10/Final Season. Ra's Al Ghul declares war on Gotham and exposes Bruce as Batman, but with the help of his family, including Jason who's no longer brainwashed and in his spare time built The Batmobile, and the help of various villains, including Catwoman who says if they survive this they should run away together, they manage to stop Ra's' plan to destroy Gotham, but not before Bruce gets stabbed in the side by a young boy who escapes with Talia as Ra's lays dying. And as the sun begins to rise, all of the Bat Family gathered wonder what happens next, now that they're secret identities have been revealed, but a voice from behind tells them not to worry, as the previously invisible figure presses a button on his wrist a wave of energy pulses over Gotham. The figure says he used some of the Mad Hatter's tech to erase the memories of the Bat Family's secret identities from everyone's mind who didn't know before. Then the figure briefly mentions he's Batman from the future and that they shouldn't worry about Damien, "after all, it's hard being evil when you're the son of Batman." which surprises everyone, "you did know he was your son, right? Uh...gotta go!" Then he disappears. Then we see them all returning to Wayne manor, Alfred sweeping up glass from a broken window, and says "Ah, I see we've survived another night, shall I get the celebratory champagne?" Jason nonchalantly replies "We met a Batman from the Future and Bruce has a son." Alfred processes the information and says "The good whiskey, then." Then as Bruce is getting his stab wound stitched he says he thinks it's time he retired as Batman, the others protest, but Bruce continues to say its just for now, how after everything that's happened he trusts his team, his family, to keep Gotham safe in his absence. Then we see later, at night as Commissioner Gordon stands next to the batsignal on the roof of the gcpd, about to light his pipe Dick, dressed as Batman says "those thing's'll kill ya, ya know." Then the two of them talk about how Batman had retired, for now, and left Gotham in Dick's hand, and Gordon contemplates retirement, and wonders what would happen to the city without him, what would happen to Barbara, to which Dick replies "I wouldn't worry about Barbara, she's made of some pretty tough stuff." Gordon agrees, but when he turns around to ask how Nightwing knows his daughter, Dick's gone and Gordon says to himself "I guess some things never change."

[plush-rabbit]

Skeptic Dating Headcanons

Request: soft dating headcanons for Skeptic? - F.L. Tomoyasu Chikazoku

A/N: first time writing for him!!

-

Tomoyasu can be mean and condensing. He wants perfection and won’t accept anything less. Anything less is failure, and he will not fail, not if he’s able to intervene. However, around you, he becomes considerably softer. When he’s around you, it’s the only time that someone can ever witness the high-strung man to be soft, to lower his voice and even cast a ghost of a smile in your direction when you aren’t looking.

Because of his work, he tries to keep you in the dark of the more dark and gritty parts. You know most of what he does, you see how he treats his puppets and you hear about how scary he can be, it’s only reasonable that you would learn just how dark his job can get. He’ll be honest if you ask, but he won’t give you the full details, just short and simple answers that will quench your curiosity for the meantime.

If you need something, he has his puppets attend to your errands. Even if it’s something as little as needing to go pick up a new charger or buy lunch. If he had it his way, you’d never have to lift a finger, his puppets would do whatever it is that you asked for. In the beginning, he was doing it mainly to show off for you, to witness just how crafty he was with his quirk, but now it’s him doing it simply because he doesn’t want you to get possibly hurt from the outside world, because he would rather have you by his side than doing some idle task.

As high strung as he is, as much of a perfectionist he is, when it comes to the relationship between the two of you, he is anything but perfect. He’s awkward, clumsily holding your hand and trying not to move, to keep himself still so as to not show even a hint that he would want to move away. Of course, he pulls away, fisting his hands at his side, twitching and extending his fingers hoping to reach for your hand once more, but finding himself unable to.

However, when he’s tired, he turns completely different. Whether it’s because it’s just the two of you in the room, or the work from the day has made him slightly delirious, he’s a very touchy man. He’d rest his head on your lap, his face pressed against your stomach and cling to you. Your hands would be entangled in his hair, twisting and parting the sleek hair and he’s sighing, already dozing off from your touch.

Speaking of his hair, you're one of the few people to ever see him with a different hairstyle than his usual. Early in the morning where sun peeks between the curtains, you can see him with stray hairs, parted as he grabs at the back of his head and puts his hair into a bun. Late into the night, when you’re looking up at him through bleary vision, his hair is in a low ponytail, curved over his shoulder as he holds you close to him.

Him having a high-ranking with Re-Destro, means that if you want something, he’ll do his best to get you whatever it is that you want. It helps that Re-Destro cares for those around him, that allows for you to be gifted whatever you want. Even if it’s something that you wanted in the past, he’d gift you anything, already opening up another tab to search for whatever item it is that you wanted.

While his job does often come first, with you in the picture, he often finds himself split in the middle. He wants to do good, to do the very best and show just how talented he is. Having said that, he also wants to care for you. At any spare moment that he has, when he isn’t yelling at a pawn, or tracking people, he is messaging you. He’ll call and text, and while the calls are short, he only really needs to call just to make sure you’re not feeling ill or that you’re doing okay.

With perfection in a relationship, he strives to remember all the important dates. You could forget a doctor’s appointment and he’s reminding you the night before, already having cleared your schedule for the day beforehand. It’s fine if you can’t remember something, and while it might prove to be a bit of a nuisance, he really doesn’t mind. You always thank him and kiss his cheek and he can show his indifference, but even that little gesture is enough to make him smile when he has a moment alone.

Surprisingly, he has a wide range of music that he likes. Tomoyasu gets extremely passionate about music and will play his albums in the room. It’s something a bit personal to him. While liking music isn’t some obscure hobby, he isn’t one to show anyone his tastes outside of a work environment. With you, he can sit beside you, and work as you both listen to music. His favorite part is when he introduces you to an artist and sees your excitement colored over your features as you beg to hear the song once more.

[fox-guardian]

For the Art Tip thing: How do you keep the line between stylized and realistic? You have a very nice style and it's still rooted in real anatomy

Well, first you wanna learn some anatomy. I mentioned Proko’s anatomy for artists playlist in another ask, so I recommend that for learning more detailed stuff about anatomy. (But again, there’s a lot of anatomical terms that may be confusing and I get that, but at the very least there’s tons of visuals so hopefully it’s not too bad and you can still learn something if the language is too much.)

You don’t need to be a master at anatomy, however, in order to stylize it. Once you get the general vibe down, it’s just a matter of simplifying forms and shapes in a way that’s pleasing to your eye.

Take, for example, my hand.

[ID: A black and white photo of a hand in a vague reaching position with a dark background. The arm is partly visible and a bit hairy. The edge of a sweater sleeve is visible. end ID] 

Now I’ve drawn it a few times to show how to simplify it. (the simpler drawings aren’t very good but I do hope they get the point across. if not I’d be happy to redo it)

[ID: A digital sketch of a hand on a white background. It is rendered with soft shading all over, and individual arm hairs have been drawn as well. end ID] 

This one is drawn more realistically than I usually draw, helped by the fact that I used the photo as a direct reference the entire time. I started out sketching with basic shapes and slowly refined them until they matched the photo well enough to my liking. Shading was similar. Block out a basic shape of a shadow, then blend and refine.

[ID: A digital sketch of a hand on a white background. It is rendered with limited cell shading, and arm hair is represented with a few horizontal curved lines. end ID] 

This one is closer to my usual style. I’ve done basic shapes again, but refined them less and (most importantly!!) I altered them in certain ways that I simply like. I gave the knuckles more definition, I made the thumb have more corners and straighter edges, and same with the wrist. I just like the way that makes it look, it’s fun. For the shading, I just saw where the shadows were darkest and blocked those out a bit for some solid cell shading.

[ID: A digital sketch of a hand. It is in a very simplified style, with rounded shapes and little detail. There is limited soft shading on one side of the arm. end ID] 

This one is much less like my usual style, and much more simplified. Only the most basic shapes with just enough detail to tell you “this is a hand”. And really, that’s all you need in the end. As long as you get the point across, the nitty gritty of anatomy doesn’t matter so much.

Here’s another example, feat me trying to figure out how to draw Martin’s arms.

[ID: Three labelled digital drawings of a thick and muscular arm bent at the elbow. The first drawing is the most detailed, with soft shading and defined areas of muscle and fat. It has labels around it, pointing at different areas with arrows. The labels read “more realistic”, “definition”, “softer edges” and “detailed soft-shading”. There is a label beneath the drawing saying “SIMPLIFY” with an arrow pointing to the next drawing. The second drawing is more simplified, with less defined areas and is rendered with only cell shading. Its labels read “simpler shapes”, “more defined edges and corners”, and “cell shading”. There is a label beneath the drawing saying “SIMPLIFY” with an arrow pointing to the next drawing. The last drawing is even more simplified, with round shapes and a single soft shadow. Its labels read “blob” with the letters spaced far apart, “who needs definition”, and “very simple soft shading”. end ID] 

These are just a couple ways to simplify shapes, and I could probably have done better about showing you how, but if you have any more questions about it, send em my way!

[starman-john-tracy]

mmmmSKSKSKSKSK I sent this to the wrong blog but,,,for the prompt list thingy you reblogged, misc 13 with 2 characters you want

(I HOPE TO JESUS IT'S YOU WHO REBLOGGED IT THIS TIME)

“I’m worried about you.” [From this Ask meme]

The best response John can manage, at that precise moment, is a vague, dismissive flick of his fingers as he swipes his older brother’s hologram off of his screens, ending the call.

He’s busy, damn it, Scott.

Alan and Kayo have taken Thunderbird Three out to an asteroid between Mars and Jupiter to help a returning deep-space shuttle with engine failure and Alan’s got twelve minutes of air left in his tank, blood-red holograms ticking the numbers down at the corner of John’s vision. Thunderbird One’s been deployed to the Alps in the sub-zero temperatures of a snowstorm following reports from the family of a missing skier, and John could really have done with all the little comments about their Mom that Scott had decided it was a good time to slip in amongst receiving his instructions, probably in an attempt to keep it together himself. To crown it all, Gordon’s in the middle of a risky deep dive with Thunderbird Four in one of the darkest parts of the Atlantic Ocean, trying to find a missing ocean surveyor, with Two coasting overhead despite the fact there’s not much Virgil can do but clutter John’s airways with his worries. Penny’s apparently in the middle of some kind of bank heist in England, and so can’t take FAB1 to help. John, in an almost Scott-like fit of insanity, is almost itching for The Hood to turn up, just because he wouldn’t mind the opportunity to hit something very hard with the mooring claw…

It’s been like this for a week solid. John’s not slept in thirty-two hours and colours are desperately trying their best to become audible. His mouth tastes stale with jumbled numerical readings and directions and what-his-brothers-need-to-do-nexts. 

The astronaut takes a deep, ragged breath and rips his hands from the blue glow of his holographic array. He rubs the textured blue fabric of his fingertips hard against gritty eyes, trying to force away the tired moisture that’s gathering determinedly there from trying not to yawn.

This should all be routine by now. He’s got a schedule. A delicate balance of exhaustion and focus. John knows his body’s limits and how to push himself past them - swaddling himself in a cocoon woven of holograms and the loud, urgent voices of people who need his help until he’s lightheaded from the brightness and downing enough caffeine to make his hands shake is the only thing keeping him going.

It’s not a good system, but it works.

Well, sort of works.

John scrubs at his eyes harder, pushing against his closed lids until phosphenes bloom fractal galaxies across the darkness from the pressure. He’s so tired but there’s no way he's gonna be able to sleep this one off. Not with everything going on all around him right now. 

Not until these people are sa…

“John.” Fantastic. Scott’s back. Calling on his wrist Comm this time, and big brother doesn’t exactly sound pleased about being hung up on. John thinks better of ignoring him twice, though he rolls his eyes about it. “You’ve been running Comms for three days straight now, you need to take a break.”

“I’m fine, Scott.” John’s mouth shapes the words even though he feels anything but. He has to be fine. “I’m just doing my job. Go get on with yours. And fly a little lower, the wind speed’s up.” The holograms had started swimming alarmingly over two hours ago, most of their words blurring beyond legibility, but John knows what the warning orange blob and its proximity to the logo of Thunderbird One means regardless. Focusing is getting harder and harder and that’s probably dangerous because what if he slips up, what if he gives one of his brothers the wrong instructions and something bad happens, what if...

John really wants a coffee. Another coffee. That’s probably a bad sign in itself because John, ninety-nine per cent of the time, doesn’t drink coffee. Certainly not like his brother’s do. Thunderbird Five’s got a massive range of teas vacuum packed in little silver packets, mostly courtesy of the Lady Penelope, because John far prefers it, but there is a sturdy metal tin of strong, Indian coffee in the galley, waiting ominously for him like a red break glass in case of emergency box.

John’s been choking down up to three mugs of the stuff, black and thick as tar, spiked with crushed caffeine pills, every other hour, in an attempt to keep himself with it enough to do his damn job.

The system works.

He grinds the heel of his palm against his forehead, trying futilely to prevent his pounding headache from getting any worse. He thinks there’s a bottle of painkillers in the first aid kit, Brains’ good ones, and mixed with another mug of caffeine John reckons that should get him through the rest of today even though he’s hungry and exhausted, and all his muscles have a dangerous, creeping ache that warns of atrophy, of too much time spent in Zero G. John just knows his whole body is going to kill the minute he relaxes, and that, if the constant chatter of the globe weren’t enough, makes taking even a little break just not an option. He ignores it all like a pro, slipping out of the segment of Five’s ring with the globe in, and drifting toward the galley, his fingers uncoordinated and clumsy on the handrails.

Coffee. Black. Two capsules of painkiller and another of caffeine, crushed into a powder with his fingers and dumped in.

He snatches up the plastic cup of coffee and heads back toward his globe, lifting the cup to his lips.

“John,” Scott says in his ear. “You can’t seriously be going to drink that…?”

John does, in fact, drink that. He knocks back the boiling beverage so quickly he doesn’t even need to swallow and chases the scald down with another cold cup of coffee that’s been left on his countertop from who-knows-when in the past three days. It’s gritty in the bottom from the drugs. John swallows hard at the acrid taste, coughs, and shakes out his shoulders.

“Alright,” John manages, suppressing the urge to throw it back up. “I’m good.”

Scott just blinks at him like he’s clearly a moron. Which, John thinks, is a bit rude when he’s the one with two PHDs.

“How long has that mug been there?” Scott asks, gaping slightly. It’s not at all like John to leave liquids out in the open, and especially not in space. “John, it had a layer of mould floating on it.” Not like him at all.

“Yeah,” John offers him, with a weak, crooked smile that doesn’t make sense on his face. “Penicillin. Adjust your tail flaps thirty degrees, you’re coasting too low. You need to compensate for the way the wind’s being channelled between the rocks.”

“John,” Scott’s voice comes back dangerously low, “John, when did you last have a proper break?” John’s head throbs and he’s saved from trying to work out any kind of reply to that because Gordon takes the opportunity to check-in. It doesn’t matter that John’s vision is blurring, as long as he can hear his little brother just fine. 

Crackling static buzzes in the spaceman’s ears long after Gordon clicks off again.

The newest shot of caffeine is slowly starting to soothe his frayed nerves, though everything’s a bit… hazy, if he’s honest.

“John!” Oh, Scott’s still here, huh. “Ok, little brother,” The elder of them puffs his chest out and folds his arms, but John’s not paying enough attention to his hologram to notice. “If you string yourself out much longer, I’m going to put you on medical leave until you die, alright? Nothing can stop me.”

“I don’t need med leave!” John exhales all of the air in his paper-bag lungs at once. “I’m fine and I’m doing a damn good job monitoring everything! I never take sick days…”

“You never take vacation days, either.” Scott cuts pointedly across him.

“Irrelevant.” John dismisses him again, flicking the point away like it’s a hologram he’s done with, “I’m just doing my job. If you want to come down on me for working hard, then you’re the one with the issue here.”

“You’re going to kill yourself,” Scott growls. “Your exhaustion and carelessness puts everyone who works under you at risk and I don’t know what the answer to your workload without Dad around is, but it sure. isn’t. this.” A sweeping hand encompasses his brother head to toe - taking in the coffee stains on John’s blue fingertips and the darkness smudged under his eyes. “We’ve got to, I don’t know, there must be something that can take some of the pressure off. Alan was talking about wanting to try a rotation.”

“Alan’ll be bored to death within five minutes alone up here,” John points out, “he’s still too young.”

“Gordon then, or Virgil, hell I’ll do it. I’m sure we can scrape together something.”

“Scott.” John’s voice comes out much softer this time, certainly softer than intended. “We’ll work something out but… just… not right now, ok?” It sounds almost pleading. A little broken. Perhaps Scott shouldn’t have brought up their Father, or perhaps there’s already too much for John to focus on without throwing himself into the mix. “We can pick this up later if you want, when we’re finished,” He goes on to offer, hollowly, “but right now you need to check your heat scanner and find that missing skier before those kids who called lose a parent.”

There’s a harsh intake of breath from Scott at that. He knows as well as any of them why they, why John, does all this. If they can keep together just one family, compared to their own loss, anything seems worth it.

Doesn’t mean Scott’s got to like it though.

He clicks off and John closes his eyes for one, very long moment - the residual Comm chatter swirling in his ears. It’s tempting to just press his forehead against the cold glass beneath his feet and just not exist for a few hours... But Alan needs to get back aboard his Thunderbird with the crew members, and Gordon’s discussing going EVA with Virgil in the background and Scott’s thermal scanner has just picked up an orange blip amongst all the blue.

There’s always a later. When everyone’s safe. John can rest later.

[bibliocratic]

For your writing prompts, I’ve always found that the phrase “for you” has a certain gravity, so maybe something with that? :3

This was such a good prompt, which is my only excuse for why this is three days late and barely counts as a drabble at all.

jonmartin, post-S5 domesticity and parenthood

“He was showing me another room he's made it to on his game,” Jon offers as an explanation as he ambles back into the living room. “Some sort of creepy dungeon, lots of what I can only presume are zombies. He can turn into a dragon now with this magic cloak thing, it's all very sophisticated.”

Martin, whose knowledge and ability with video games both started and ended with having a go on someone's Game Boy Colour one rainy school break, makes a supportive, 'showing-interest' noise as he feels around for the remote before finding it wedged under his thigh, muting the sound of a gritty BBC drama he is clearly not enamoured by. He shuffles over to make room on the sofa. Disturbing the cat, who jumps off his knees, casting a betrayed gaze upon the offender before she haughtily goes to commandeer the high-backed chair usually taken up by Jon.

“Dragons are one of the few things that haven't turned out to actually exist, and tried to murder us.”

“Oh, don't be like that,” Jon smiles as he drops down next to him.  Martin's got a beer out of the fridge now Lewis has gone to bed, and Jon leans forward to snaffle it from the coffee table, takes an  slow sip, winces at the flavour and puts it back down on its coaster. “Swimming's at ten Saturday, isn't it? Still haven't fixed his goggles.”

“Half past, they had to move the rota round for some other thing,” Martin says distantly.  In the background, someone on the TV has their mouth bared in shouting, and some grim-dark poorly shaved detective is holding a gun.

Martin's shoulders are set tight. He's twisting his wedding ring round and round and round, fidgety and unsettled all evening, and now he's leant forward with his elbows on his knees, half-way through a beer on a Thursday night even though he can get funny about drinking in the house on a weekday.

“You want to talk about it?” Jon asks quietly.

Martin frowns, but doesn't ask how he knows. His palm opens from clenched to fold their fingers together, his touch chilly from the condensation on the bottle.

Jon waits for him.

Martin clears his throat. He sources out the remote again and flicks the TV to standby, the dour detective vanishing morosely.

“I'd like to talk to you about something,” Martin replies eventually. “And I know that we're not going to agree on it, but I want you to at least – hear me out, alright?”

“Alright,” Jon says carefully. A frown has rooted on his own face, but he pushes the curious simmer to a lower heat and tries to be patient. “Alright. What – what do you want to talk about?”

“What happened last week.”

“Martin...”

“Let me finish,” Martin says, his tone slightly sharper. He doesn't shout, never in the house. The only time Lewis sees his dad raise his voice in anger, he's belligerently got his hands in the guts of the boiler, pride the only thing stopping him call a plumber, or else he's stubbed his toe against the side table he always manages to catch.

Jon lets out a heavy breath.

“Fine,” he says. “Fine – we – we can talk about it. You know what I think.”

“Yeah, well, I don't.”

“It was an outlier. It doesn't mean there's a conspiracy.”

“I can't see why you're downplaying this. It was a threat, and you got hurt.”

“A few bruises from the fall. Look, Daisy and Basira handled it. They were – they were a lone Hunter. It wasn't anything organised, so I don't see the need to twist myself in knots when it won't happen again.”

Martin scoffs dismissive. “Last I counted, we've had three 'it won't happens again' in the last ten years. Face it, we've been lucky. This one got too close.”

“So what are you suggesting?” Jon says, deliberately calmly. Martin'll get to his point eventually, but he'd rather cut through whatever he's been stewing in for the past several hours.

Martin throws up his hands.

“I am suggesting that we consider the very real possibility that something like this might happen again. Something worse than some mangy Hunter or clueless cultist. These things out there.... there's more than one of them who'd see a former Archivist as a threat, Christ, I just want you to take this seriously...”

“I do take – ” Jon's voice spikes before he exhales hard and lowers his tone again. “Of course I take this seriously. Of course I worry. But if someone came here, if anyone came here, I'd – I'd Know....”

“Knowing didn't stop you from getting hurt,” Martin insists.  “It – it doesn't make you invincible.”

“I've never thought that...”

“We need to prepared, is all I'm saying. Your... the knowledge you get from the Eye, it's so much, it's so much less than before. So what if it's not enough, what if it tells you something too late or not at all?”

“Martin, I'm not going to get myself worked up over maybes.”

“Maybe you should!” Martin snaps.

They are both bullishly quiet for a moment before Martin holds his hands up again.

“Alright,” he presses on, lower pitched than before. “Alright, then lets deal with facts then. Fact number one: there are – there are forces out there that want to see you come to harm.”

“Martin.”

“Am I correct?” Martin repeats. His gaze won't leave Jon's. His temper's made his neck and throat go blotchy, but he's pressing his hands down too hard on his knees to stop their tremors.

Jon meets his eyes.

“Correct,” he says. Because it's what Martin wants to hear, because it's what Jon tries not to think about when the night-time drags loud and sleepless, and every noise he cannot account for takes on the guise of malevolence.

“Fact two,” Martin continues. “There is the possibility – no, no, listen to me, Jon – there is the chance, however small, that those forces, those people, could come here.”

“So what, we should install more locks? Buy more fire extinguishers?”

“This isn't funny,” Martin says waspish.

“I'm not laughing,” Jon replies dogged.

Martin lets out another aggrieved noise. He takes a moment, steeples his hands against the lower half of his face.

“That Hunter,” Martin says slowly. “Had our address on them. Knew where we lived. If Daisy and Basira hadn't sorted them out, they would have come here, and tried again. And if it can happen once, then it could happen again. A-and some of those people, the ones that serve their gods a-and want to make a name for themselves by going after an Archivist – ”

Here Martin's voice catches thready, the centre of his terrors finally excavated.

“I can't – I can't protect you from that, Jon,” he confesses. “I can't protect Lewis from that. And if someone comes here, what if you can't either? You're not – you're not exactly in the game of e-exploding people any more.”

“Been trying to give it up,” Jon replies. Martin's laugh is a little wet.

“Sets a bad example anyway.”

Jon rubs the skin of Martin's hand. He doesn't know what he can say to make this better.

“I would like to propose an idea,” Martin says. Softer now. More tired. “and I-I want you to hear me out.”

“OK.”

“Whatever it is.”

“You're not exactly inspiring confidence.”

Martin gives him a Look.

“OK,” Jon says, rubbing his thumb over Martin's knuckles. “OK, I promise. Whatever it is, I-I'll at least listen.”

Martin nods, and though his lips are pinched, he squeezes Jon's hand once gratefully. He separates them, and gets up, going over to his shoulder bag slouched by the door. He'd been vague, earlier this week, when he'd gone out on an 'errand'.  Jon had assumed it was something to do with their anniversary in the next few weeks.

Martin takes out a thick clump of folders from the stomach of the bag. Jon's heart drops when he sees the green-ink stamp of an imperious owl on the front of the beige folders but he says nothing.

“I have been thinking,” Martin says, planting himself back down. “About back-up plans. Last resorts, you know.  If someone does come here, if they're more than either of us can handle, if we can't keep our son safe.”

He passes Jon the folders. They're stuffed wide with statements, corroborating evidence, photographs, police reports, newspaper snippets attached with paper clips. Jon reads the introductions of a few statements as he flicks through, feeling not a little unmoored by the way this conversation has progressed – Statement of Dai Williams, regarding a library in Blaenau Gwent; Statement of  Michalis Charalambous, regarding an unusual wedding present – and something aches in him like a barely-forgotten hunger, twinges like an old wound.

Near the top of the pile,  there's a photograph, blown up to A4 size, of a book. The backdrop of an unremarkable desk, the cover itself blue backed, scuffed and foxed with age, the silver title decorated with florid curlicues: The Shipping Forecast and Other Nautical Curiosities. There's no author.

“What's this?”

“It's a Leitner,” Martin says. Not briskly, but straight-off the bat.

Jon pushes down several reactions with difficulty. Martin knows how he feels about Leitner. Martin wouldn't bring this to him, knowing what histories have left their scars on him, and beg for Jon to listen to him if it wasn't important.

“Go on,” Jon says, and nothing else.

“This book is currently in Archive Storage, where it's been for the past twenty or so years,”  Martin continues. He's to-the-point now, direct, and Jon appreciates it.  “Those are copies of all the statements I could find related to it, or people who have been in contact with it, and it makes up a fairly consistent picture of ownership and exchange for at least the past hundred and fifty years, records get a bit patchy before that.”

“Which Power?”

“The Lonely.”

That makes Jon look up. Martin's jaw is set for an argument but his voice betrays him.

“Tell me,” he says.

“The statements are all mostly the same. The book gets found or left as inheritance or in library donations, and some poor sod picks it up. Specifically, what happens is it renders people invisible when they read it.”

Jon blinks.

“... you're taking the piss.”

“No. Practical research did some basic experiments to test it before it was boxed up properly, they've – there's notes there, if you want to read in detail, but basically, you read a few lines of it, and you and whatever you're holding can't be seen. It wears off after a while, depending on how much you've read. The researchers went up to about a page.”

“There's a catch, obviously.”

“It's addictive to some people. Some of the people in the statements can use it once, get the heebie-jeebies then never touch it again, some of them can't shake the urge. The – er invisibility is more tempting to those vulnerable to the Lonely, or so the hypothesis goes. They read a little more, a little more and then, they're just gone.”

“So it's dangerous?”

“Yes.”

“Then why? Why show me this?”

“If someone comes here,” Martin says, “If it's – if it's the Vast o-or the Desolation or even th-the Slaughter, we can't fight them. We can't, OK, we-we have nothing that we could fight them with. So we can't fight them, and we can't outrun them, and I don't think hiding under the bed and hoping they leave is going to do much either. The best we can hope for is that we have a few minutes grace courtesy of your magical eyeballs. And that would at the very least give us time, to get Lewis somewhere safe, get out of harm's way, to go to Daisy's or something.”

“And your great plan is that we use a Leitner to what, turn invisible and sneak away unseen?”

“I'm asking you at least consider it.”

“I have considered it and it's – it's a Leitner, Martin! You know how I –  They're not toys, they're dangerous!”

“I know that! Of course I know that. But so is being unprotected! We wouldn't be using it for – it would be a last resort, nothing more. You can read the statements and the reports. I've read them all, over and over again, I-I've checked and doubled checked. As far as I can tell, the turning invisible is a temporary state.”

“For the right people. What about you?”

Martin does not meet his eyes.

“I wouldn't be using it.”

“...What.”

“I wouldn't – I wouldn't be able to,” he says. Quieter, self-conscious. “Much as I like to think that I'm – no. No, it'd be, it'd be too much of a temptation.”

Jon's tone has slipped flat and hard.

“So you're suggesting an escape plan that, what, doesn't include you?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Jon – ”

“No!” Jon wants to get up, to stand, to shake Martin by his ridiculous shoulders, because how dare he, how dare he. “No, how can you even ask me that?”

“Because I need to,” Martin urges. “Because it's not just us. Because if the worst happens, I need to know we have some way of protecting Lewis, that you could use that book to make sure he's safe.”

“And leave you.”

“I'm not the one they want.”

“I don't remember them being all that picky about hurting whoever was in their way,” Jon bites back, and he knows he's louder now, that his eyes are getting wet and his face hot. “You can't know that.”

“No,” Martin replies honestly. “No, I-I can't.”

Jon rubs at his eyes. The anger's boiled over and out of him at a dizzyingly come-down from furious. He listens, wondering if they've woken Lewis, but he doesn't hear the squeak of bed-springs. There's a wind picking up outside, and the cat twitches in sleep.

He doesn't feel angry any more. Just sick and scared.

“That's not fair,” he swallows, looking at the damp-blurred image of his husband's face. “That – that's not fair, to ask this.”

Martin's moved closer. Places his hand back over Jon's.

“I know,” he murmurs, and he sounds sorry, but that doesn't help either of them.  “I know it's not. And if there was – was any other option, I wouldn't even think of suggesting it. But I'd, I'd like you to think about it. Please. For me.”

Jon leafs through the folders in his hands without taking any of them in. Martin strokes his back soothingly, and crowds in too close, not close enough.

“I'll read them,” Jon says eventually. Wetly and unhappily. “ The statements, reports, I-I will. For you. And if – and only if they seem legitimate – I'll come with you and have a look at the book myself. And that's all I can promise you.”

“Thank you,” Martin whispers, and presses his lips to the thinning crown of Jon's hair, Jon leaning back slightly against his chest. He clears his throat. “Basira's all for performing some more clinical tests on the book, if you wanted some more concrete validation.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Jon says, feeling too tired to enquire further.

They linger on the sofa for a while after Martin shoves the folders back into his shoulder bag.

“I better put the dishes away,” Martin says.

“Leave them. I'll do them in the morning.”

Their bedtime routine is closer and quieter. Usually Martin goes up first, and Jon watches the newspaper review or the tail end of a documentary, but tonight he trails after him as Martin checks all the plugs and double-checks all the locks.

Martin pokes his head into Lewis' room, even though they said their goodnights hours ago. Jon can't begrudge him the anxiety.

“Kicked all the blankets off as usual,” he reports back as they knock elbows in the bathroom, Jon's mouth full of toothpaste, passing Martin a water glass to take his statins. Martin dutifully swallows the pill before reaching for his own toothbrush. “He sleeps like you, arms flung out all over the place.”

Jon doesn't deny it.

Jon gets into bed first, and fusses with chargers and alarms while Martin gets into a t-shirt and boxers. He gets the light and Jon follows the sound he makes as he approaches the bed in plunging darkness, the disturbance of the covers. Jon immediately curls against his shape, tucking himself tight and buried against his chest.

Martin doesn't comment on how clingy Jon is, how he knots their legs together, clutches him over-tight. On how hot the bed is going to get, on how his arm will go numb quickly from the angle. His own arms come around just as fiercely. He tells Jon goodnight, that he loves him into his hair, and Jon whispers it back into the dark and the heat, and knows it's true to the bones of him.

Neither of them sleep all that much that night.

[molluskwritesfic]

Where the Roses Grow:  Chapter Four

The compound on Arvala-7 didn’t house one bounty, but two. Elsi Nokk is an enslaved nanny with more than a few tricks up her sleeve. She’ll do anything to protect her charge, even if it means standing against - and then with - a certain Mandalorian.

@kyjoraven​ @killtherandomness​

This story can be found on Fanfiction.net and Ao3.

Chapter Warnings: Mlld language, implied child abuse, themes associated with slavery. 

First Chapter - Previous Chapter - This Chapter - Next Chapter

Chapter Four

Turns out, Elsi’s hunch about a storm front had been right on the credits. When Kuiil woke her just before dawn, she could hear the downpour hammering on the metal roof. Thunder rumbled, powerful enough to make the hut tremble.

Rubbing sleep from her eyes, Elsi made for the bassinet, opening the shutters and peering down into the wide, frightened eyes of the baby. He whined piteously and lifted his arms in a bid to be held. 

He’d never been a fan of storms.

Bouncing him and rubbing his back comfortingly, Elsi pushed past the curtain and into the front room, finding it already occupied by Kuiil and the Mandalorian. 

Both men were already dripping. Water droplets ran down the Mandalorian’s helmet in rivets, some pooling in the dents and crevices in his armor. He was returning a breakfast tray to the counter, having already eaten. A similar bowl had been left on the table, and a gesture from Kuiil confirmed that it was for Elsi and the baby. 

“We will leave shortly,” Kuiil announced. “I will prepare the trailer and the blurrg.”

“In this storm?” The Mandalorian groused, wiping his visor with his gloves. 

Kuiil waved him away, unimpressed. “It will pass soon. If we are to reach the Jawa by midday, we must leave.” He paused, then bustled over to a box, where he retrieved a bundle of dark fabric, which he then presented to Elsi.

She unfolded the cloth, revealing it to be a large, thick cloak of sleek, weather proof material. Elsi thanked him, sitting aside for the moment in favor of spooning some of the sweet breakfast porridge into the baby, who was getting impatient and taking it upon himself to stick his hands into the bowl and shovel it into his mouth. 

The Mandalorian grunted. “Fine. I’ll help you.”

Lightning flashed through the doorway as the two men pushed their way back out into the downpour. The baby whimpered at the thunder that followed, porridge dribbling down his chin. 

Elsi wiped his face clean with her sleeve. 

“We’ve talked about this, haven’t we?” She murmured, passing a hand over the top off his head to smooth the bed head of rumpled fuzz. “It’s just a sound.”

The baby grumbled moodily, already reaching to stick his fingers back into the bowl. 

. ~0~0~0~

Elsi turned the fabric over in her hands, double checking the pins to make sure everything was in order before she began stitching. The baby waddled up and tugged at her skirt for her attention. 

When he got it, he cocked his head with a questioning little ‘Wehh?’

“Yes. It’s for you,” Elsi said, going back to her task of sewing him a new tunic. 

She was using his old one as the pattern, which meant he wouldn’t be able to wear it while she took measurements. Elsi’s room was warm, and the nanny didn’t have a problem with a little naked green baby wandering around the space for an hour or so after his bath. He certainly didn’t seem to care either way.

The child was getting stronger everyday. As soon as he had woken up, he’d scarfed down what must’ve been twice his body mass in meat stew, and then immediately wanted to play. Elsi, knowing that he was bound to be attention-starved, happily complied, and kept him entertained for hours with peekaboo, tickles, and hide-and-seek. 

Her master had been ecstatic. Lord Burkisn visited her quarters as soon as he heard, interrupting the baby’s second bowl of stew to turn the bewildered little gremlin back in forth in his hands, only to plop him back down in Elsi’s arms and stride back out, muttering excitedly to himself about contacting someone.

The baby reached up for the fabric with his little three fingered hand. Elsi paused for another moment to offer him a discarded strip left over from when she had been cutting the shapes of the sleeves. The baby chirruped appreciatively and toddled off to play with his new makeshift toy, twisting it in his hands and wrapping it around his ears to wear as a hat.

The fabric she had chosen was left over from the last time she’d made a dress for one of the other housemaids. It wasn’t the fine silks she’d promised him, but it would do for now. It was soft and light enough for free movement, but durable and thick to keep the wearer warm. Luckily for her, the baby was so small that it didn’t take much fabric to clothe him. 

Elsi had plenty of scraps that had been too small to do anything with but too large to justify throwing out, and already had plans to make him a third tunic and another, warmer coat. Sure, it would be a bit of a patchwork job, but anything was better than leaving him in the same worn out things everyday.

Elsi had been there many times. She didn’t want the same for him.

As she watched him play with the strip of fabric, she also made a mental note to piece together a cloth doll. She was sure she had some stuffing stashed away somewhere...

What.

The.

Fuck.

The baby laughed. 

Elsi’s pincushion floated in midair, drifting almost lazily across the room from where it had been sitting on the table. 

Her mind was frantically putting all the pieces together. Why so many people wanted him. Why Lord Burksin was so desperate to keep him alive and healthy. 

She’d heard of things like this before. She’d always thought of them as stories… but… 

The baby levitated the pincushion into his own hands and the sight of him holding an object full of sharp needles was enough to snap her out of her thoughts.

Elsi stood abruptly and stalked across the room to pluck it out of his grasp. 

“No,” she told him firmly, maternal sternness hiding the tremor in her voice. “We don’t play with Nanny’s needles. They hurt. Okay?” 

The baby’s ears drooped. Elsi sighed, returning to her sewing table. 

“Tell you what…”

Elsi plucked all the needles from the pincushion and stuck them all into a wad of scrap fabric. She rolled the now-harmless piece of stuffed fabric back to the baby, who immediately perked up and picked it up to squish. 

“Just until I make you something better, alright?” 

The baby chuckled, giving no indication that he understood her as he hefted the ball over his head, the Force lifting it higher than his hands would reach. 

Elsi drew a shaky sigh, returning her attention to her work, giving her hands something to do while her mind whirred away.

Yes, he was valuable. 

But what could Underworld goons want with that kind of power?

~0~0~0~ .

The storm wouldn’t last too long, but the time it lingered was dreary and miserable. The rain beat down on the metal trailer, straight and unfaltering as the lightning flashed endlessly above their heads. Kuiil rode ahead, sitting up high on the giant lizard - which Elsi had since learned was called a blurrg - as it plodded along, tugging the trailer steadily forward. 

The Mandalorian sat at the head of the trailer on a metal storage box, stoic and evidently unbothered by the downpour. He stared straight ahead with his rifle resting in his lap - though the only thing ahead of him was the rump of the blurrg, and so Elsi couldn’t help but wonder if he was making a point of not looking at her. 

The thought perplexed her, so she used it to amuse herself while they travelled. The baby was tucked away in his bassinet, either playing quietly or napping, leaving Elsi with nothing to keep herself occupied other than her own thoughts; and of the trains of thought currently available, the one concerning the Mandalorian was the least bleak. 

She was trying not to think about her collar, and was doing pretty well to forget about it, having tied the strip of fabric she’d used the day before as a bonnet around her neck to make a scarf; it wasn’t great, but it hid the scars and kept the air off her neck, which was all she could ask. 

She knew she ought to be trying to plan her way around the baby falling into the hands of the Imps, but she had so little information that she was only succeeding in making herself anxious.

But the Mandalorian was… interesting. From her vantage point sitting on her own crate a little behind and to the side of the Mandalorian’s, she could study him from underneath her hooded cloak without his noticing. Not that anything about him was especially peculiar. A rugged, world-worn member of what was rumored to be a dying culture, resorting to a gritty, violent profession to survive. Nothing unusual about that. The Empire had made that of almost everyone. 

What stood out about him was his quiet, seemingly kind nature - a trait that was in short supply these days, or at least among those that Elsi encountered. She appreciated it; it made him a trustworthy protector and a worthwhile lover, which made her almost sorry that their previous coupling was almost undoubtedly their last. 

Shame, really. Not only did she appreciate the pleasant soreness he’d left between her legs, she was still curious about that cuddly side he’d shown her. 

Rain drenched and motionless, he appeared more machine than man, and certainly wasn’t showing that softer side now. 

. ~0~0~0~

The figures of the Underworld came as night fell. Elsi thought of them as Borcatu; small, insidious vermin that wormed their way into every corner of the galaxy. There were six of them at Lord Burkisn’s table. Elsi didn’t know who they were. Didn’t really want to. But they had taken the baby with them into Burkisn’s private study, so she lingered, hoping to catch snippets of the conversation through the thick oaken door. 

She didn’t like what she heard. 

The child was as much of a slave as she was. They knew about his abilities. Knew he was valuable. Only, they didn’t seem to know what to do with him. 

The baby was up for sale.

Lord Burkisn was mediator. The spokesman of some silent, higher power. No wonder he’d been so nervous about the baby’s health; you break it, you buy it, and all. Elsi couldn’t quite get her bearings on the seller, but one of the potential buyers was definitely Imperial; the clipped, almost serene tones gave him away. A Vice Admiral, if she wasn’t mistaken. Vice Admiral Viln.

There were several other players at the table, but the most interested party apart from the Vice Admiral was some kind of warlord who was in charge of a number of mercenary gangs; hired guns, assassins, etc. He was called Kue Fusa. Elsi didn’t recognize the name, but from the way the others in the room spoke to him, he was a force to be reckoned with. 

To Viln and Fusa, it was more than an auction. They seemed to take it personally, each offer and counter offer was seen as a personal dig at the other and the formidable organizations they represented. 

With their hands temporarily tied by social niceties, they resorted to outdoing the other; and while there was no way in hell anyone actually cared beyond the credits, the baby’s welfare became a point of confrontation; Especially since he’d only just recovered from an illness caused by neglect.

In the end, Fusa offered to increase his offer and buy Elsi as a package deal.

Viln scoffed at the idea. There was no point in it. 

Elsi floundered at the thought of being sold again. 

Vice Admiral Viln, seeming to have had enough, doubled Fusa’s offer without bundling in the slave woman. 

Elsi didn’t know whether to be troubled or relieved.

~0~0~0~ .

The rain stopped around mid morning. The sun returned with a vengeance, and the remaining clouds melted into nothing like cotton candy in a watering mouth. Soon, the puddles were burned away, leaving the ground to crack and crumble under the blurrg’s stumpy legs.

With the rain gone, Elsi freed the baby from where he’d been shuttered in his bassinet, but wouldn’t let him actually get out of it to wander around in the small trailer. 

He grumbled at her moodily, but eventually gave in and flopped down to amuse himself with his toys. 

Neither the Mandalorian nor Kuiil were much interested in conversation. Occasionally, Kuiil would comment on a landmark or game trail as they passed it. The Mandalorian might occasionally acknowledge him with a half-interested grunt or a one-to-two word response. Elsi was again left with her thoughts. 

She fiddled with the bracelet wrapped seven times around her wrist, worrying the loose beads near the clasp. The beads were large enough to be threaded on a strand of the braided leather, and so were large enough to slip off when the clasp was undone.

Again, it looked next to worthless. 

Elsi tugged at the clasp a little too hard.

Oops.

One side of the clasp was pulled from where it was tied to the braid. The five or six beads nearest to the loose end tumbled off and scattered across the trailer bed, pinging on the metal and rolling every which way.

Muttering curses under her breath, Elsi crouched on her hands and knees to give chase. The Mandalorian’s helmet turned to watch for a moment, but ultimately returned his attention to the landscape.

The baby, on the other hand, studied his caretaker with wide eyes that knew a little too much. Elsi flashed him one of her secret smiles as she rethreaded the beads and twisted the clasp back into place. 

~0~0~0~ .

. ~0~0~0~

When they reached the Jawa, the sun was just slipping past its highest point. Despite the heat, Elsi kept on the cloak Kuiil had lent her as protection from the sun’s rays. When Kuiil told them that they were getting close, Elsi finally took the baby out of the bassinet and sat him in her lap. He preened when she gave his ears a distracted scratch, her eyes fixed on the dark, looming shape of the crawler up ahead. 

She heard the Jawas before she saw them. Upon seeing the traveling party, the air was filled with their agitated screeches. 

“Greetings!” Kuiil called out jovially in fluent Jawa. Elsi was pretty fluent herself, as bartering under the table was the best way for a slave to find comforts that weren’t provided by their masters, and there weren’t many people who were willing to trade with slaves.

The angry wails only increased in volume. 

“They ready don’t like you, for some reason,” Kuiil commented offhandedly to the Mandalorian, who still sat with his rifle handy across his lap.

“Well, I did disintegrate a few of them,” the Mandalorian said wryly. He shifted his weight slightly, the only indication that he was uneasy. 

“You need to drop your rifle.”

The Mandalorian’s hands tightened on the weapon. “I’m a Mandalorian,” he grit, “weapons are part of my religion.”

Kuiil shot the armored warrior one of his trademark paternally-disapproving glances. “Then you’re not getting your parts back.”

Elsi actually heard the Mandalorian’s teeth click as he tightened his jaw. For a heartbeat, she half-thought that he would refuse.

But he only sighed, sitting the rifle to the side as he pushed himself to his feet. “Fine.”

“No weapons!” The Jawa spokesperson repeated, pointing at the Mandalorian’s blaster accusingly,

“And the blaster.”

The leather glove creaked as the Mandalorian clenched his fists, but again, relented. 

The baby chirped, wiggling to be put down as the trailer came to a halt. Generally unafraid of the Jawa, Elsi placed him carefully on his stubby little feet, then followed him to the floor to sit cross-legged behind him while he stood at the edge, so that he was well within her reach should he decide to get a closer look at the funny little people that were jabbering to each other and to Kuiil.

Elsi watched the negotiations with mild amusement. Jawas were strange creatures, but easy to please, if you knew how.

In this case, they wanted an egg. 

The Mandalorian would bring them the egg.

It sounded simple enough, but Elsi knew that, for the Jawa to want something that badly but be unwilling to get it for themselves, there was no way that it was a simple task.

The Mandalorian had to have known that, but he agreed anyway. 

Elsi was beside herself with worry.

Now that she had a friend in Kuiil, Elsi wasn’t too concerned about Mando’s welfare. If he died, then she and the baby had somewhere to stay until she figured out something else. The only downside was that she’d still be stuck on Arvala-7, further increasing the risk of being caught and/or killed by other hunters. 

They needed to get offworld somehow.

And so, although she did want the Mandalorian to survive, the source of her agitation wasn’t him, but rather, the fact that he had taken the baby with him.

Elsi was pissed.

Of course, she understood WHY; to the Mandalorian, leaving both of his bounties behind, unguarded, was a bad idea. She knew he thought that, sans collar, Elsi would take the baby and make a run for it. Although she had no intention of trying to escape him, she was also well aware that there was nothing she could do to convince him otherwise.

So, they couldn’t be left together.

If he took Elsi with him, there was the off chance that she would take advantage of an already risky situation and sabotage him while he was distracted by the beast guarding the egg. 

He would take the baby, instead.

So, YES, Elsi understood. But that didn’t mean that she wasn’t still very, VERY angry about it. She didn’t even bother trying to hide it.

The Mandalorian had the decency to seem sheepish. He’d tilted his head sympathetically when she moodily tucked the child back into the bassinet, wrapping each blanket around him as if she could create a barrier to protect him while she wasn’t there. He also swore - quietly, so the Jawa wouldn't hear - to guard the child with his own life while he was in the hunter’s care.

It didn’t make her feel any better.

And so, Elsi sat on the trailer with her legs dangling over the edge, worrying the beads on her bracelet and watching the ridge that the Mandalorian had vanished over about an hour prior.

Kuiil waddled back over from where he’d been checking over his blurrg and brushing dried mud from between its scaly toes, leaning back against the trailer beside Elsi and folding his arms across his chest.

“The Mandalorian will care for the child,” Kuiil declared in that blunt way of his. “They will both return to you soon. I have spoken.”

Elsi didn’t respond, keeping her eyes on the horizon, as if she could will the baby back to her faster, if only she kept looking. 

Ugnaught grunted. “Have you considered my offer?” 

She didn’t have to look over to know he was studying her carefully. Elsi rolled a bead around between her forefinger and thumb. “My answer is unchanged.”

Kuiil had first broached the subject on the Jawa crawler, when the Mandalorian had gone up to the control room and Elsi was left to tend the baby in the cargo hold with Kuiil. 

She could stay with him on his farm, he’d said. He could sponsor her until she found something better. 

She could be free. 

“The bounty is for the child,” Kuiil insisted. “The Mandalorian does not want to see you returned to chains any more than I do. He can be convinced to leave you behind.”

The Mandalorian wasn’t the reason she refused, and they both knew it. 

“It isn’t all about credits. He has a code,” Elsi murmured anyway. “My worth is irrelevant. He will not break it.”

Kuiil shook his head stubbornly. “That is not an issue. I can help you to convince him.”

“And what, stay behind and allow him to take the child?” She scoffed. “Never.”

. ~0~0~0~

When the meeting adjourned,  Elsi slipped away before anyone could catch her eavesdropping. She returned to her quarters to wait anxiously by the door for the baby to be returned to her. 

Sure enough, another servant knocked at the door a few minutes later, carrying the lidded crate bearing the child. 

“The child has been bought,” the servant informed her. “The Vice Admiral will be staying for three days until the courier bringing the appropriate credits arrives. You are to make the child ready for departure at that time.”

Elsi took the box urgently, closing the door so hastily that she almost shut it before the servant was done speaking. She hurried over to the table and sat the box down to open it.

When Elsi flipped open the lid, her heart ached almost as keenly as it had the first time she’d done so, when the baby was first placed in her care. 

The lively, bubbly little creature that she’d grown so fond of was gone. The child huddled in the corner of the box, frightened, sad, and very much alone. It was as if the light inside him had been snuffed out. He stared dully at his stumpy green feet, his usually bright, curious eyes empty and devoid of life. 

“Hey, lovely,” Elsi murmured. His drooping ears twitched slightly at the sound of her voice. “It’s over now. All those awful people are gone. They didn’t hurt you, did they? Let me see…”

He all but melted against her when she took him back into her arms. The baby buried his little face into her neck, clutching desperately at her dress with all the strength he had in his tiny three fingered hands. 

Elsi held him tight to her chest, rubbing soothing circles against his back and humming quietly. Her heart broke just that little bit more when he began to tremble, his body heaving with sobs as he silently cried his little heart out.

In that moment, Elsi made a very important decision.

When the baby finally hiccuped himself into silence, she pulled his head carefully away from the damp spot on her shoulder, just enough to look deep into his tired, watery eyes.

“I won’t leave you alone like that again,” she promised, wiping at the tear trails and snotty nose with her sleeve. “From now on, your battles are mine.”

The baby blinked up at her owlishly, seeming to understand.

~0~0~0~ .

“The child attracts those who wish to enslave others, and will continue to do so,” Kuiil continued stubbornly. “You have been granted your freedom, and you will not lose it again. I have spoken.”

Elsi’s eyes flashed.

“I’ve come too far and fought too hard for him,” she said slowly, her voice taking on a low, yet dangerous edge. “I will not abandon him now… and I have spoken.”

.

~0~0~0~ .

[passionate-reply]

This week, on Great Albums, we finally get around to discussing an industrial album--and we’ve started with one of the best there is, from the OGs themselves: Throbbing Gristle! (No, it isn’t jazz funk, I promise.) As always, full transcript under the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’ll be talking about one of the most important albums in the history of industrial music, and certainly one of the most...infamous. If you’ve ever noticed this album hanging on my wall in my other videos, you may well have wondered how an album that looks like this fits in with the rest of the stuff that’s up there. This record is the pioneering industrial group Throbbing Gristle’s classic 20 Jazz Funk Greats, and it’s essentially a bait and switch. It looks like a dorky, “family band” record from the bargain bin, but when you put it on, it sounds like this:

Music: “What a Day”

...well, not really. I’ve fibbed a bit here, much like Throbbing Gristle lied to you with this album cover. “What a Day,” one of the most sonically abrasive tracks on this album, is actually the second to last track! They take a little time to warm you up to the heavier stuff, actually. The first two tracks, the title track and “Beachy Head,” are still not really “jazz funk” by anybody’s standards, but they ARE decidedly softer than some of the other stuff you’ll encounter here.

Music: “20 Jazz Funk Greats”

Things arguably don’t start really heating up until we reach the third track on the album: “Still Walking,” which introduces us to ear-splitting distortion, rapid, disorienting percussion, and buried, albeit deeply ominous vocals, sounding like the first “typical” Throbbing Gristle track. It’s dense and almost comically busy, almost exhausting to listen to--and yet we have only just begun.

Music: “Still Walking”

So, where do we go from here? 20 Jazz Funk Greats wouldn’t be the legendary album that it is, if it was a one-note knock-knock joke, a jack in the box that emerges fully within the first few minutes of the album. What I think it really excels at is its ability to keep us on our toes throughout its entire runtime--it goes back and forth between showing a slightly friendlier face, and peeling back the skin of that face to show us the gory skull underneath. The whole thing vibrates along that contrast. Side two of the album, for instance, opens with one of Throbbing Gristle’s best-known tracks: “Hot on the Heels of Love.”

Music: “Hot on the Heels of Love”

Positioned squarely in the middle of the track listing, and at the crucial point of opening the second side, “Hot on the Heels of Love” certainly seems crucial to the album. It reads as a sort of dark parody of Giorgio Moroder’s famous “I Feel Love,” in which the voice of Donna Summer stands nakedly alone in a sea of pulsating synthesisers. It’s a pretty quick rebuttal, too, given that “I Feel Love” was released just the year before! Despite those sultry, breathy vocals, courtesy of Cosey Fanni Tutti, there’s no mistaking this one for a disco hit--not with its harsh hi-hats and gritty, highly textural synth scrapes. “Hot on the Heels of Love” features minimal lyrics--and they’re almost insultingly vapid--but 20 Jazz Funk Greats also features two prominent tracks that are much heavier in lyrical content, which I like to think as complementary to one another: “Convincing People” and “Persuasion,” which appear on the first and second side of the LP, respectively.

Music: “Convincing People”

Taken alone, “Convincing People” is weird, but it’s so vague and disorganised that it’s hard to come to a firm conclusion about what’s going on the first time you hear it. Unlike “Still Walking,” the fairly minimal instrumental accompaniment makes it easy enough to make out what the words are, without the sleeve handy. But it’s also so repetitive that it’s bound to infect you with semantic satiation, and fog up your brain’s ability to pay attention to those lyrics. The clearest statement “Convincing People” seems to be making is that you’ll never convince people when you come across as someone who’s trying to be convincing...well, alright, I suppose. But what really gives this song a darker significance is its counterpart on the flip, “Persuasion.”

Music: “Persuasion”

Abrasive numbers like “What a Day” and “Still Walking” are physically uncomfortable to listen to, but “Persuasion,” like the earlier Throbbing Gristle number “Slug Bait,” unnerves you with its lyrics instead. It takes up the mantle of a narrator who’s clearly a predatory, sexually violent character, and once again, a fairly simple instrumental makes us confront this vile subject matter head-on, as though we are alone in the room with this creep. “Persuasion” and “Convincing People” are actually extremely similar, but the biggest difference between them is that “Persuasion” is the escalation of their shared basic idea, with its much more explicit lyrics, and use of dissonant, unpredictable human screaming sounds. It’s actually a great metaphor for understanding how this album works--it gradually pushes our boundaries as we listen, worming its way into our consciousness like some masterful manipulator. And it dovetails with how Throbbing Gristle frontman Genesis P-Orridge would later style herself as a charismatic cult leader, with varying shades of irony, in later projects related to “Thee Temple ov Psychic Youth.” As we’ve recently been told, you don’t convince people by coming across as someone trying to be convincing. Or do you?

As I alluded to in the beginning, the name and cover design of 20 Jazz Funk Greats are a sort of musical booby trap, to hopefully ensnare innocent victims. It’s not jazz or funk, it doesn’t have twenty tracks, and its seemingly quaint cover photo, featuring the band in sunny surroundings, actually has a dark secret: the spot it was taken at, Beachy Head, is the most popular suicide destination in Europe, and one of the most popular worldwide. It’s Britain’s highest sea cliff, a stark, sheer wall of chalk that looms over the English Channel, and just a few feet away from where Throbbing Gristle are standing, people regularly throw themselves off of it. It’s a place where delicate natural beauty meets the profound human sickness sown by our twisted, exploitative industrial world. It’s just one more insidious detail, that heightens the cruel spirit of the album’s visual identity. It’s worth remembering that Throbbing Gristle were, first and foremost, provocateurs. I think that may be a better way to think about them overall, compared to thinking of them as “musicians.”

In my day, I’ve often seen 20 Jazz Funk Greats recommended as a good introduction to Throbbing Gristle, and to industrial music as a genre, more broadly. Industrial is one of the very few genres of music that was given its common name by an artist and not an outside critic--and we have Throbbing Gristle to thank for coining it, so they’re inarguably industrial royalty. Their catalogue remains indispensable to understanding what industrial is about--like so many acts we consider seminal or foundational, the seeds contained here inform a great deal of subsequent music. The problem, though, is where to begin, since they were arguably more of a jam band than a studio act, with legendary live performances that probably influenced other artists much more than anything they ever pressed on wax. Their discography is hairy, peppered with live recordings, non-album A-sides, and releases whose official vs. bootleg status is unclear. If you’re looking for a traditional album listening experience--as many music enthusiasts often are--it’s hard to do better than 20 Jazz Funk Greats.

At the same time, though, I think there’s something to be said for respecting the fact that Throbbing Gristle were never trying to offer anyone a traditional listening experience. Just the opposite! 20 Jazz Funk Greats is a Great Album, for sure, and it’s also a bit more of a softball than some of their other work, which arguably makes it a bit more accessible. But is it really all that fair to try and wring an “accessible” experience from a band like Throbbing Gristle, when it isn’t particularly representative of their work? Or is it better to meet them head on and try to tackle them on what appear to have been their own terms? If you’re new to them, but want to understand Throbbing Gristle and feel literate in their work, I think I might recommend their 1981 “greatest hits” compilation, Entertainment Through Pain, better than I would any of their proper albums--particularly if you’re like me, and prefer their more aggressive cuts to the ambient ones.

Music: “Adrenalin”

I think my favourite track is “Walkabout,” even though I would argue it’s one of the least “industrial” sounding tracks here. It isn’t heavy, rhythmic, or sludge-textured, but instead serves as a sort of “breather” between “Persuasion” and “What a Day,” a brief, floating melody that drifts by like a cirrus cloud. It’s both playful as well as devious, wedging itself between some of the hardest-hitting stuff, looking like it might be a reprieve, but ultimately leading right back into harsh musical territory--like an abuser love bombing you between some of their worst behaviour. Perhaps “Walkabout” is something like a masochist’s after-care, a moment of healing and cooldown after the excesses of simulated abuse. Or perhaps it’s the stillness and disquiet peace of the grave, for those who meet their end at the hands of “Persuasion”’s narrator? Ambiguity and possible irony are an integral part of Throbbing Gristle’s particular danse macabre...so I’ll leave the rest of the interpreting up to you. Thanks for watching!

Music: “Walkabout”

[lilmajorshawty]

Any idea how to spot the rising signs based on mannerisms (rather than physical looks)?

YES plenty :D 

some quick short cuts though!

look for celebrities share their sun and search for people with that sun and the rising sign you might think they are!

the reason being is A LOT of similarities can be found with certain placements and positions. so say your crush is a Libra sun, you would look up Libra rising with various rising signs and what i usually do is watch interviews, look at young photos and so on! if you want to really dig into it you can look up sun and moon combos via house placements associated with the believed rising sign you think they may be. so say you thin the herd to a Scorpio rising and their Libra sun falls in the 12th while their Gemini moon is in the 8th you would then look up Pisces sun with Scorpio moon and see how they act, watch interviews and look for facial and emotional similarities! now this is stuff i do and it is quite a bit of work so i’m going to list a few simple traits that stand out and spread them out into decans to make it easier because not every decan share the same characteristics.

Aries rising : the first decan is the most energetic and impulsive of the bunch but also has tremendous stability. the last decan is superrrrrr grounded and can seem like an earth sign because their energy flows calmer. the second decan is a bit more untethered and can seem unpredictable and “hurt”

(first decan): Bubbly, headstrong, stubborn and incredibly childlike and youthful in mannerisms and in their outlook on life. always laughing unless Saturn or Pluto sit here or are in aspect. 

(second decan): Lost, Confused or their attention span seems gated or easily distracted in some way. Sensitive, emotional, Independent but also cool and aloof, hard to read emotionally.

(third decan): Earthy, doesn’t seem like a fire sign, laid back, BLUNT, impersonal, INTENSE, strong observation and body language reading skills, tolerant and easily accepting of others.

Taurus rising:  the last decan is fairly serious and can seem more like an angry bull if anything. they are also the most moody. the 1st decan is softer than the other two. and the second decan is the most detached of them.

(first decan): SWEET, impressionable, stubborn as hell, creative, artistic and deeply attuned to their feminine and emotional side, enjoying life by seemingly turning a blind eye. literal deer.

(Second decan): SMART, the mind is fast and sharp, stuck in their ways, scientist and “lovers of the ganja.” meditation, cautious and extremely personal and direct, sensual and horny, magnetism, hard not to fall for them flaws and all.

(third decan): stern, serious temperament, father time energy, stoic, erotic and sensual but more so in a environment way than a touching way. sublime attraction to music and art/dance. very nice weight gain, temper tantrums and aloofness. AMBITIOUS and shy/standoffish.

Gemini rising :the last decan is the most of an enigma and to me is the most complex of the three. the first and second decans are both fairy like but the first decan is more sweet and emotionally present while the second relies more on cerebral stimuli.

(first decan): Disconnected, strong romantic nature, seems grounded but also slightly off in a way. jaded personality. keeps interactions of all kind impersonal especially when in public. seem serious and rather harsh when meting a stranger. highly energetic and full of life at random moments(this is their real self).

(second decan): Magnetic as shit but also unstable as shit, passive, neurotic, camera ready personality, very silly and playful, emotionally available, very sympathetic and passionate, moody and escapist. can battle bouts of depression.

(third decan): ARTISTIC and extremely gifted in the art of human nature. More detached than any Aquarius you’’ll ever meet. live on another planet. can seem like they wont be staying for long. very strong energy and magnetism. “the demon gaze.” EXTREME emotional mood swings. Powerful emotions and can seem very tense or extremely disengaged. 

Cancer rising : ALL of them are sensitive! but id say the first decan is the saddest looking or the most innocent and caring of the bunch even when they don’t want to be. the second decan is the more intense and aloof of them while the last decan is the most magnetizing of the three due to their flighty and intangible nature.

(first decan): Stoic, can seem miserable some moments as if the world is falling around them, or can look bright and innocent like a small infant. Very nurturing and cares a lot about the well being of others “genuinely.” can seem tired or agitated. VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MOODY. hard to really understand or get to know. lives in their heads. very cunning and extremely smart and talented but never show this. detached and a bit cold to strangers.

(Second Decan): secretive. adaptive. extremely self aware. lack of pity or sympathy for others. INTENSE. intimidating. emotionally present but can also be too emotionally unavailable at times. cutting and raw. deep set stares. can be very private and hidden. STRONG sex appeal but in a divine feminine way even in men. strong sensuality and emotional sensitivity when they like you. VERY cold to outsiders and people who speak on their family or lovers.

(Third decan): The demon, chameleons, sheds personalities quite a bit. multiple personalities. dark.elusive. extremely caring and can seemingly surround a room in good vibes. very tender and very mothering. slow to except situations or circumstances. irrational tendencies. strong sex drive. illusion like temperamental. disappearing acts. beautiful energy.

Leo rising: the first decan is rather immature but they radiate the sun in full glory. the second decan is the most emotionally driven while the last decan is the most serious and mature of the bunch. dare i say they come across like a Capricorn/aries combo

(first decan): kitty cats. easily entertained. free love types. hard to tame and or get to settle down. LOVE the spotlight. strong aura. very easy going and deeply fixed personalities. Energetic as all hell. can seem bull headed or uncompromising. entertainers. sexually experimental and also very comfortable with sexuality and their expression of it both publicly or private. can be super detached especially when they are in a playful mood. SERIOUSLY they are like house cats so they are easily bored and can seemingly dismiss anything that doesn’t keep them entertained.

(Second decan): cubs. huge babies. can be very soft and act like teenagers from time to time. easily discouraged by things when they aren’t receiving encouragement. VERY personal. slow to open up. very sentimental and thoughtful. volatile emotions(in some men they can express this violently on their environment or on others, depends on the person and chart though). gentle. very goofy and playful people. negligent.

(third decan): Lions. Mature. stoic, intense. slightly emotionally unavailable for a long time until they trust you. Intense emotions. Lost. easily tired and can seem disengaged or disinterested. GETS very intent and serious when they like someone(their usual happy go lucky self disappears, they take romance seriously as hell.) intimate. sacrificial. very Strong instincts. observant. caring

Virgo Rising: the difference is that the first decan is more “virgo” than the other two. the last decan is the more completed version of virgo and seem the most emotionally available while the second decan is the coldest.

(first decan): Piercing energy. dark and sort of distant. strong mental activity. strong attraction to nature and the nitty gritty of life. Cerebral. very into conspiracy or the unacknowledged aspects of life. cynical. Very old souls. harsh beliefs. charismatic and poised. Very clear speakers and incredibly straight forward people. lacking in emotional compassion. can wear the work face quick. very sensual and touchy feely. very respectful and kind hearted. understanding. sensitive to others but may not completely “understand.” very warm natures.

(second decan): peaceful. keeps it simplistic and chill. not good at drama or confrontations. anger comes out at really bad times and have a hard time differentiating between their emotions. Strong sexual desires. can seem emotionally complex or as if they aren’t giving you “all of them.” doesn’t like being questioned. Domineering and dominate personalities(men more than women) types to give speeches or call everyone else sensitive. Hardworking and sacrifices a lot for work. weird relationship with romance, kinda center their life on it but also don’t care much for it.

(third decan): Another level. EARTHY. intense drive and passion. dedicated and loyal to friends and lovers and especially family. very sweet nature and comfortable with themselves. heavy energy. VERY charming and extremely sensual. can seem a bit like a ken or barbie with a more down to earth like energy. very clean and also very judgy of unsanitary situations. very emotionally open and extremely loving. relaxed and genuine.

Libra rising: they all share the very gentle and social nature but as you get into the ladder decans they become far more introverted. the first decan is the most lively and what you see in articles about Libra risings. the second decan is more quiet and slightly more emotionally scattered as they are more focused on others and struggle with identifying themselves. The last decan is the most intense of the Libra risings and can have very dark and rather isolated natures. they will seem the least like libra rising.

(first decan): playful and amiable. Very romantic minded but also Extremely self reliant and independent. Strong personalities. individuals. very perceptive and socially intelligent. very open and straight to the point. may struggle with darker emotions from time to time. Lighthearted as hell. naturally into the more darker or more sensual sides of life. bad boy and girl. feels everything hard. very innocent. not a mean bone in their body but boy can they be blunt as shit.

(second decan): sweet but distant. very present but also in a weird way not all the way there. emotions can hit like a nuke and subside just as quick. very sensitive to the emotions of others. can seem to lack deeper feelings or not  really know how they feel. transparent. predictable. very likable. a military like personality from time to time. can seem to fluctuate between needing to be in control of things and not really caring. falls for someone sweet and understanding 99% of the time! looks don’t matter much to them.

(Third decan): Very dark. the emotional nature can be pretty intense and in some cases it can cause obsessive habits, self destructive habits, emotional disengagement, or even depression and unhealthy moods. tense temperament. do not like being alone. can be very mean or cold unintentionally. very distant. very magnetic and seem to have this spark about them that makes people naturally fawn over them. can feel draining. very giving and VERY passionate about friends and lovers but can struggle most with romance because their emotions shift A LOT. disciplined and extremely mature for their age. curious and also very responsible. can get stuck in ruts.

Scorpio rising: They all kinda share the energy of toxic behavior patterns but the types of patterns are unique to each decan(mind you this is a possibility not a norm) the first decan is the most intimidating and the more sexually and emotionally intense of the bunch. the second and third are a bit more relaxed emotionally but the second decan natives can be moody and harsh in nature due to their escapist tendencies. the last decan can be deceptive and slightly manipulative as they alter situations and perceptions as a means of concealing their actions or emotions.

(First decan): Intense. intimidating. thrill seekers. sex and emotions are hand in hand. manipulation and jealously can be very dangerously expressed here. they are highly self aware but may not try to fix their problems. emotionally intense and unreadable. lives in another mind space. gloomy and stoic. Can be TOO serious. Very slow to open up. can be very loyal and stuck on one person. hard to juggle their emotions and their everyday duties. very honest and genuine. lacks discipline or diplomacy. Dangerous energy. can seem like a bad idea. tend to tell people what they’re getting involved with before people try try to get close to them. not the type to cheat but can Be very contradictory personality wise. most of them are open to any and all sexual experiences be it same sex, orgy, and so on. they are big on accepting others as is. VERY sweet and gentle with their lovers.

(second decan): ominous. seems irritated. hates dishonesty and fakes. plays the field. strong sexual instincts. strong compassion for those around them. tries to fix everything. sharp tongues. may dress in brighter colors than most Scorpio risings and very big on expressing themselves. drug use and alcohol use is common territory, as are uppers and downers. using people, or things as escape mechanisms is a bad trait they have. understanding but also critical of others. lovers of music and dance. can be very strongly tied to music or have strong opinions about artist. HUGE judges of performances and what others create. very wet and or intangible presence. they don’t really seem there or can fade in and out of your memory. 

(third decan): sunny but unstable. they are very open and smiley. can seem to have a positive outlook on life. may be emotional issues or inconsistent desires and needs. very smart and intelligent. athletic and or takes good care of their bodies. that said they tend to tie emotional states to their well being so if things aren’t okay with a lover or with things at home or even in general they can be sluggish, irritated, or even manipulate or hurt others just to feel in control of something. sweet but slightly disrespectful or lacking in awareness. moments of high energy and moments of low energy. usually very sociable and talkative. loves cerebral banter and can be very seductive vocally. may pick on or poke fun every once and awhile. super easy going and immature personality. risk takers and tend to see romance as a fun thing.

Sagittarius rising: energy colors all of the decans but i’d say the 1st and last decan are the typically loud goofsters while the second decan is more chill and more rebellious type.

(First decan): MASCULINE. can be pretty direct. they have this way about speaking and acting that can seem like they haven’t heard a word you said but their laid back and rather happy demeanor tends to throw you off. move fast and can seem to lack discipline. ACTIVE and can usually take the initiative in most situations. cool emotional state and usually avoids messier emotional displays. Likes fun and stimulation and can struggle when around more serious or intense feelings. HIGH sex appeal but can also seem like everything is just a game to them.

(second decan): somber. slightly ungrounded. can live life on a whim. goes where the wind takes them so to speak. the realm of sex and intimacy is always a curious world for them. can be very sensitive and emotionally expressive. very interested in the feelings of people. researcher types and tend to sort of investigate or interrogate people they meet. highly optimistic but a slightly more realistic energy. softies and don’t try to hide it. super supportive and sympathetic. LOVESSSSSSSSS foreign anything, tends to spend a lot of time going to culture festivals or out of the country. seems shy and quiet at first but can have the same gusto and enthusiasm as the other decans.

(third decan): very sensual and charming. they can seduce a room without much effort. they are great people readers. tend to be cautious of people and prefer their own space and their own time. down to earth but also a bit more intense. they don’t tolerate very much and can be very attracted to anything or anyone from a different region, culture or even long distance. they love a good party but also can fly into recluse mode real fast. temptations and lust can fuck them up. strong desire to live life their way, not overly tied to any one thing.

Capricorn rising: they all have the intimidating aura but i would say the first decan is the sweetest of them. the second decan is the most charming and romantically charged while the last decan is the most “Capricorn” like as they truly do prioritize their own goals and aspirations.

(first decan): Tender and sophisticated. they have extravagant taste and can have a hard time being around people who settle for whats given. strong minds and personalities. doesn’t trust much. very emotionally introverted. does not reveal all the details. can seem discerning. hard to please and also high standards. very abrupt. enjoys stable and more sensual means of enjoying themselves. the men and women tend to stay fit and can put a lot of work on keeping grounded.

(second decan): VERY stable. loves to explore and can seem like they are all over the place. very strong sexual drive and can be very obsessed with sex on the low(you wont know though). Takes their mental health very seriously and takes very frequent brakes and recuperation time. thinks everything over before reacting. prideful. usually a magnetic allure to them. can seem a bit tough or rough around the edges upon first meeting them. very sensitive and emotional and can have a very soft heart on a deep level when it comes to others and because of this they ARE very SOCIALLY awkward.

(third decan): Pompous and arrogant. Very aware of the potential in others. constantly working and pushing themselves to be the very best. Usually the types to place high value in fashion and their appearance. many of them have a strong energy and can easily intimidate you. they aren’t readily emotional and can lack the ability to understand the feelings of others. their emotions are not overly complicated which is part of the reason why. they enjoy a richness of character and can be very humble and appreciative of everything big or little. very much so Casanova types. many enjoy the chase while the ladder enjoy the rush of intimacy and romance. they are the hardest to get to settle down because they feel as though the world is vast, why waste your time on a fleeting moment. very energetic and drawn to movement. 

Aquarius rising: the second decan is the most happy go lucky and quirky of the bunch while the first decan is kinda like a school student or researcher. the third decan is the most emotionally complex of them all.

(First decan): very soft nature. they are curious about everything. very dry on social media or through texting. love the unexpected and can enjoy challenging social norms or cultural exceptions of their era. The most emotionally available of the bunch and can have an easy time relating on an emotional level to people on a very deep level. kinda vain and lacks grounded beliefs. seems to spend more time questioning then answering. can be emotionally dark and intense but they have a naughty nature them as if they want things to get chaotic without realizing it.

(second decan): very earthy remarkably. they crave a lot of physical touch and can be a bit more communicative then the rest. they love all forms of communication and can use many as gateways to understand themselves. they are not easy to understand or know emotionally because they have so many unconscious walls. they live their lives in a sort of third person perspective. they can seem disconnected from their bodies or just move in a way that doesn’t go with their bodies. strong minded and can be very very brave. not the mist traditional of people but i’d say they are the most life on the prairie with flying saucers as you’ll get from Aquarius rising. THEY ARE ALWAYS TRANSFORMING AND TRYING TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THEMSELVES.

(third decan): can be very well spoken and incredibly mature. they take people and life pretty seriously but also have enough humility and good will to see life in a jokey and rather impersonal manner as well. they loveeeeee people and can be a people pleaser. this trait is most predominate in relationships though. they loathe falseness or a lack of genuine expression so they are keen on detaching or separating themselves instinctual if the sense it. they have the craziest fall back game. they tend to always be on the search for love but can seem to regret it once they have it. they struggle with finding a good balance between loner and co-dependent. they adore soft expressions of love from a far but can seem a little weird when it is done to them. They are always craving things that they don’t truly want.

Pisces Rising: all very intuitive but the last two decans can be more introverted about this. 

(first decan): They have a beautiful presence. they have a very radiant and soft way of speaking. the manner in which they express themselves seems as fragile as glass and often times angel like. the eyes aren’t watery but they do have a aura of being delirious or mentally absent. they are very sensitive and can easily read intentions, desires or actions of others for what they are and react accordingly. They are VERY guarded spiritually and can seem to live on another plane. very strong musical ability or fondness of music. rarely in a foul mood but can snap very quickly when their integrity or their well being is put under spotlight. PRIVATE. likes to be left the fuck alone.

(Second decan): intense. nurturing and sensitive personality. slightly abrasive and raw. can seem a bit stoic or “too real” for some people. not the types to beat around the bush. makes emotional choices between them and other people before they get a chance to. can grapple with their intense feelings and emotions quite a bit so because of this they tend to be loners or picky socially and romantically about who they spend time with. LOVES kids. very spacey and intelligent. the manners are good but they can wane if they feel as though they are being disrespected. they aren’t moody when alone but much of their reactions and moods depend on the people they are talking to! so if you talk crazy to them expect that same energy back in full force and then some. VERY SEXUAL and these natives are also very private.

(Third decan): Ghosts. can seem secluded or emotionally tense. Takes things seriously and isn’t the type to reveal emotions or weaknesses. Very good at pretending or playing a role. “think drake’s song cameras.” they can have intense highs and lows behind closed doors and the only way of telling is by their detachment and escapism tendencies coming out full force. they are communicative to an extent but lack expressing the deep stuff. can take years to open up and can seem rather indifferent to emotions all together most of the time. strong desire to succeed and can have a very ambitious and emotionally self disciplined nature. may play the victim or manipulate in relationships but usually respect their lover HIGHLY to the point that they sacrifice much for them. typically grounded and stable they will seem the least like a Pisces rising and will seem more like Scorpio or Capricorn rising.

As a last note. planets aspecting the first house planet ruler or that sit in the first house period can greatly alter any of these interpretations. so try to guess the rising and use data of your generational planets to guess what might be aspecting what.

ex. Scorpio and Sagittarius risings might seem similar because Pluto in Sagittarius could rest in the 1st house or aspect the ascendant for both of these rising signs meaning you’d have to look at both interpretations. 

[rhub4rb]

Home is Where the Heart is

AO3

[First chapter] [Previous chapter] [Next chapter]

-_-_-_-

The mid-November air was biting, and Marinette pulled her jacket tighter around herself, suppressing a shutter. When she woke up that morning, she hardly let herself focus on the cold weather, instead leaving the apartment as soon as she was ready. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, she just knew she was looking. When she came back to the cold and abandoned apartment the night before, she had hardly slept a wink. She was so worried that the vigilantes would come and find her. Find her and...

Lost in thought, Marinette kept her head down, not looking at where she was going. She was brought back to reality however as she walked straight into someone's chest, sending her tumbling to the ground.

"I'm so sorry Mis- Marinette?" Marinette looked up to be met with the surprised and excited eyes of the cute boy she had met only the day before, Jon.

"Jon!" She took his offered hand and rose, dusting herself off once she was up on her feet.

"We really shouldn't meet like this," He said jokingly, and Marinette felt the tension she had felt in her shoulders since the night before, slowly ease. "Looking for another art store?"

"A person, actually, but close enough," Marinette said. "I've been looking for him since I arrived in Gotham but..." She shrugged, smiling, though it looked more like a grimace. "I'm not exactly a detective."

Jon raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.

"Someone I might know?"

Probably not, Marinette thought. The chances of it were low, but wouldn't it have been wonderful if he did?

"Maybe. You wouldn't happen to know where one Alfred Pennyworth might live, would you?"

Jon's eyes widened, and Marinette almost took a step back as she realized that yes, Jon did know Alfred Pennyworth.

"He works for my friend Damian!" Jon said with a growing smile, before his eyes furrowed in confusion. "But why do you need to find him?"

Internal panic settled into Marinette as she realized she didn't exactly have a proper explanation for it. Maybe a partial truth could cover for it though.

"My grandfather!" Marinette quickly said. "He um, he was close with Alfred but um, he passed away. He asked me to find Alfred and tell him in person before he died. They hadn't seen each other in a long time, so..."

Jon nodded in understanding.

"I can show you where they live if you want...?" Jon asked hesitantly.

"That would be amazing!" Marinette was just about to accept the offer when she felt Tikki kick her, from the pocket inside of her jacket. Marinette was going to ignore at first, but then Tikki kicked her again, trying to remind Marinette of what she had told Jon the day before. When it finally hit her, or when Tikki finally kicked her hard enough, Marinette rushed out her next sentence, hardly believing herself as the words tumbled out of her mouth. "But I do believe I promised to go out for coffee if we met again?"

Jon's eyes lit up, and Marinette felt a calm warmth spread in her chest at the sight. Though she would have a serious talk with Tikki once she got the chance.

"Yeah! Uh, I know a place nearby that we can go to," Jon said with a blinding smile, offering his arm to her.

Marinette, almost hesitantly, took it and fell into step beside him. Maybe that serious conversation with Tikki could wait a bit. Besides, Marinette had gotten one step closer to finding Alfred. Now all she had to do was get the address from Jon.

Maybe allowing herself small pleasures every once in a while wouldn't be too bad.

-

Jon really hadn't expected to meet Marinette again so soon, or that she would be looking for Alfred of all people.

Jon had just been heading home from the Waynes when Marinette had walked into him. He had been thinking about the mystery girl that the bat family had been running into for the last two nights. The only ones to have actually seen her had been Dick, Tim, and Jason, and the descriptions of the girl that they had given were sparse.

He was glad to have run into Marinette again though. Maybe it was fate! If only he could be that lucky, he thought, looking at the girl across the table from him. She was drawing, trying to design something for him apparently.

She would stick her tongue out at times in concentration, or scrunch up her nose in thought, in the most adorable way. Marinette didn't say much about her past though. When she talked about her parents, she kept it vague. He wasn't even sure if she still lived with her parents!

"New haircut?" Jon asked, pointing at her hair.

Marinette looked up, before smiling sheepishly, her eyes disappearing a bit behind her cheeks.

"Yeah, it uh, it was only supposed to be a trim but..." She reached up and touched the short locks, combing her fingers through what Jon could only imagine was hair silky smooth. "A bob cut works too, right?"

The ribbons she had in her hair previously to tie it up in pigtails, were now used to tie it up in a half-do. The hair that had previously gone past her shoulders now settled a little past her jaw.

"Are you from Gotham?" Marinette asked suddenly, her nose still pointed down to her sketchbook, though she did momentarily look up.

"Ah, no, but my best friend is! You know, Damian. He can be a bit prickly at times. I was actually on my way to meet him when I ran into you yesterday! I was twenty minutes late, but I like to think it was worth it," Jon said with a fond smile.

Marinette looked up, color dusting her cheeks, before she snapped her head down again, making Jon feel a swell of pride.

"I-I hope you didn't get into too much trouble," Marinette said softly. "I wouldn't want you to get in trouble just because you were helping me."

"Nah, nothing too bad," Jon said, waving his hand in dismissal. "And like I said, totally worth it."

Marinette beamed at him.

"My friends know me for always being late," Marinette said, her eyes becoming distant with a somber fondness. "I would always be late for class. I have a tendency to sleep in a lot."

She didn't look at him when she spoke, instead looking out the window before looking back on the page she had been drawing on. She refused to tell him what it was she was designing, telling him it would have to be a surprise.

"At this point, it would be unusual if I showed up on time. My teacher doesn't really mind too much, luckily," Marinette chuckled, but it sounded bittersweet to Jon's ears.

-

Marinette ended up having to find Alfred's place on her own. Jon would have walked her there, but his dad called, apparently needing him back home. So, Jon wrote down instructions on how to get there as safe as possible, something Marinette greatly appreciated after having seen some of the worst parts of Gotham.

The city could be pretty, Marinette gave it that. With it's shining lights and skyscrapers, it was a beautiful sight at night. But it couldn't compare to Paris, in Marinette's eyes. Gotham was more gritty and rough, while Paris was softer around its edges. Compared to Paris, Gotham would be thorns to Paris's rose.

That was how Marinette saw it anyways.

"Do you think Alfred will mind me just showing up at the door like this?" Marinette asked Tikki in concern. She knew some people would find it impolite, but she also didn't really have any other option, and she wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, so she could focus on rebuilding the rest of the order.

"As soon as you tell him you were sent by Master Fu, he'll understand," Tikki said in reassurance. "He will know that you are here on behalf of the order. The fact that it isn't Master Fu himself should tell Alfred that this is urgent, and if not, you'll just have to explain that it is."

Marinette let out a shaky breath as she thought about everything that could go wrong.

After talking with Jon and getting the name of the family Alfred worked for, Marinette had gone to the local library to look up more about them, and what she found intimidated her.

Wayne Enterprises was a conglomerate company run by Bruce Wayne, who also ran the Wayne Foundation. It was big and successful, that much was obvious, and apparently has a long history and origins. Marinette wondered where in all of this Alfred fit in as a butler, when he had been hired by the family.

Master Fu hadn't said much about what Alfred did, only that he used to be holder of the peacock miraculous.

What if Alfred told them about the miraculous? What if he refused to join the order because he needed to focus on the Waynes? What if the Waynes found out and tried to get the miraculous for themselves?

Panic rose with every passing thought, and Marinette had to stop for a moment and take a breath.

Things would be fine, she was Marinette, she had defeated the likes of Lila and Hawkmoth, one former Miraculous holder should be nothing!

When her eyes landed on Wayne manor however, Marinette choked on her breath.

The place was huge!

Where the Agreste mansion had been sleek and modern, the Wayne manor was victorian in style. Old looking and intimidating, with its dark exterior. The urge to just turn around and contact Alfred another way was tempting, but the want to leave Gotham and find a proper place to stay overpowered that. She was starting to get tired of sleeping in that abandoned apartment.

The crunching of gravel under her feet felt loud in her own ears, and with every passing step it was becoming harder and harder for Marinette to breathe. The doors seemed so far away, the aura of the area felt cold and wrong. She walked up the steps, the pounding of her heart becoming louder and louder, until finally, it became white noise as she stood at the doors, hand raised. Marinette sucked in a breath.

And she knocked.

-

It was a calm day at the manor, all things considered.

Alfred knew that everyone was operating on high stress after the mystery girl from the night before had gotten away. Understandably so, it wasn't good if they didn't fully know a threat, but they also weren't sure if the girl was even a threat to begin with.

Alfred had been on edge for a little while too. He didn't know what it was, but he felt a shift around two weeks ago. Like something fundamentally changed in the world and that it would never go back again.

He placed a hand on his chest where the broach used to be.

Alfred hadn't heard from Fu or the order in so long. He didn't know how Duusu was doing, he didn't know whether Fu was still alive.

It worried him how silent Fu had been the last couple of years. Alfred wasn't part of the order, but he was close to the Guardian, and Fu liked to keep him in the loop on what had been going on. But now, it felt as if four years had gone by without a word from his friend.

Alfred could only hope that nothing happened to the miraculous or the Guardian. The destruction that could happen upon the world was unimaginable.

Maybe Alfred would try and contact Fu later, if he got the chance. Alfred also needed to make sure master Tim went to bed at some point, he noted to himself, thinking of when he last saw the young CEO. As far as Alfred was aware, the young master had yet to leave the Batcave and head to bed since the night before.

He looked at the time. Four in the afternoon.

Alfred set aside what he had been doing, intent on giving master Tim a stern talking to about proper sleep schedules again, when there was a knock at the front door.

Peculiar. Alfred was unaware of any visits today. Did Jon forget something after his visit with Damian?

All sorts of possibilities flew through Alfred's mind as he made his way to the front door, yet none of the possibilities seemed to prepare him for the sight he got once he opened.

"Alfred Pennyworth?" A girl hesitantly asked, taking a small step forward.

She was short, no taller than 4'11" Alfred guessed. Her hair was short and done up in a half-do, she wore a black and red letterman jacket. She fidgeted with her hands, her eyes darting around before finally settling on him.

"I'm here on behalf of Master Fu."

-_-_-_-

@constancetruggle @mojos-biggest-fan @lysslovesanime @heredmaquam @luciferge @scribblinggraveyard @thatfandomsgirl @eliza-bich @ki77h3dr4g0n @crazylittlemunchkin @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @skyel0ve @serenacross200 @valeks-princess @thebananathatwrites @aurordraws @nothernbluetongue @bluerosette23 @xxmadamjinxx @graduatedmelon @tritaledkitsune @tinybrie @shamefullove @screechingflapbiscuitpeach

[messedupessy]

Mapleblossom (Classic papyrus x swapfell papyrus) :>c

ship: ew / nonono / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / MY HEART

Ohhhh heck yeeesss Mapleblossom is some good sheit! Not a ultimate ship that I ship, but still ship it!

As when done right this ship is so frikking good, I personally like it when it’s a bit messed up and got some dark themes to it, to varying degree. Like I’m not overly fond when sf pap is this literal anxious overly horny dog and Papyrus is an innocent dumb baby, like no fucking thank you xD

Like I said with the previous ask, there are just some takes on ships that I just do not vibe with at all, I got weird standards nowadays when it comes to most ships xD with mapleblossom, the characters needs to be written in a certain way or else I am out, especially with Papyrus, if he is written as an innocent baby then I am fucking out of there! With SF pap he can be pretty much whatever as long as he isn’t like an actual frikking dog and his brother's literal bitch, there is ofc exceptions to this one tho as when this type of sf pap is done well I can get onboard with pretty much anything.

But anyway, my preference with these boys is either have them not really get along and be snarky at one another, have Papyrus try to help but SF pap is a fucking disaster and an ass. Or have SF pap as a softer more anxious kind of disaster who really wants and need help and have Papyrus be there for him, without having Papyrus behave like a literal innocent uwu bean, have him be treated like a child against his will tho, that’s interesting tho. 

Before I finish this ask tho, I gotta go and recommend the amazing, loveable ass known as @ollie-oxen-free when it comes to Mapleblossom content, as while they don’t write much atm and might also dropped out the fandom I dunno, so do I still adore their take on Mapleblossom so frikking much it’s so good xD it’s kinda dark, it’s gritty but fun and dramatic, but also so shitposty and makes you feel shit, so go read their stuff because damn it’s good! warning tho for some of the content is just, really really dark

Ask thingie from here

[queenpersephonesgarden]

from my song to yours

Wangxian Week Day 2: Music

“Perhaps we should save the rest of our speculations for the morning.”

Lan Wangji blinked gritty eyes and looked up from where he’d once again been studying the malevolent disembodied arm currently floating just above the qiankun bag it was normally kept in, meeting Wei Ying’s eyes across the table.

“Already?” he asked, mildly surprised; more than one memory of cheerful laughter and quicksilver smiles shining in the light of the moon served to remind him just how late into the night Wei Ying preferred to work and play in equal measure, and one quick glance out the window confirmed the moon hadn’t even fully risen into the sky yet. “You’re tired?”

Wei Ying snorted a laugh, a lovely, light-hearted sound that seemed appropriate coming from a face as young as the one he now wore.

“No, no, I’ll be fine for another four hours at least.”

A finger rose to point accusingly right at Lan Wangji’s face, who blinked placidly.

“The investigation can wait for tomorrow because of you! I know all about you Lans and your ridiculous nine o’clock sleeping schedule!”

Can also be read on AO3

He was worried… about the Lan sleep schedule?

Lan Wangji raised a placating hand. “I am fine.”

“Are you?” the rising of Wei Ying’s right eyebrow was entirely skeptical.

Confusion made Lan Wangji’s own eyebrows furrow the slightest bit. “Night hunts often run far past midnight on serious cases-”

“But this isn’t a serious case,” Wei Ying interrupted, then quickly amended “Well, it is serious, but it’s not the kind of case we can solve in a single night of staring intensely at the problem, so instead of doing that, we should focus more on things we can achieve in a single night. Like sleep!”

Without waiting for Lan Wangji to attempt a response Wei Ying swept the resentful arm back into its pouch, tying the bag firmly shut before setting it back down on the table where they could easily keep an eye on it.

When Wei Ying stood, Lan Wangji haltingly tried to slow him down from heading back to sleep in his own room next door. “We. Don’t have to-”

“Hanguang-jun.” One eyebrow rose imperiously as Wei Ying scrutinized him with too-dark gray eyes. “If we go any longer, you’ll sleep in past noon and bring some calamitous dishonor upon your ancestors. How would the Cloud Recesses ever recover?”

Such a bizarre statement said with such gravity almost made Lan Wangji reach across and press fingers to Wei Ying’s forehead, thinking perhaps he had somehow contracted an unnoticed fever, before the slightest shine of amusement in Wei Ying’s eyes gave it away.

Ah.

Still playing the madman he’d been reincarnated into.

While he wished fiercely Wei Ying didn’t feel the need to keep up the act around him, Lan Wangji couldn’t deny that it was… nice, to be the focus of this strange farce, because as elaborate as it is it still feels intensely familiar.

It was such a nonsensical, roundabout way of showing concern.

It was unnecessary.

It was bizarre.

It was- it was exactly the kind of ridiculous game he would have tried to play in their youth, reaching across a sun-dappled table in the Library Pavilion to tug at Lan Wangji’s sleeve, crying dramatically, “But who in their right mind is ever tired at nine o’clock, hah?”

The tidal wave of nostalgia makes it hard to keep steady when he stands from the table.

Wei Ying, eyes sharp as ever even in a new body, caught the infinitesimal slip in posture and grinned triumphantly. “See? I was right all along!”

“Of course.”

Two slim hands laced their fingers together and rose up above Wei Ying’s head in a languid stretch. “Well, I suppose I better leave you to sleep,” he sighed contentedly.

Stay.

The thought comes unbidden, but not unexpected; letting Wei Ying leave his sight for any length of time since his return has been difficult.

The reluctance in his silence must be truly palpable, because Wei Ying pauses and looks back at Lan Wangji despite not allowing even a single muscle in his face to so much as twitch in protest.

Dark gray eyes light up with some unspeakable mischief. Lan Wangji does not glare as he once would have as a teenager, another stark difference from his memories.

“Aiya,” Wei Ying bat his eyelashes in an outrageously flirtatious manner. “Would the great and noble Hanguang-jun like this one to sing him to sleep?”

Despite the sour pang in the pit of his stomach at the tease, the clash of foreign-familiarity of the new face and old mannerisms had Lan Wangji responding without thinking especially hard about it. “Mn. If you wish.”

Wei Ying stared, frozen in an exaggerated coquettish pout.

Lan Wangji stared back, resolutely keeping his expression as blank as ever even as his ears grew hot. He refused to regret the slip.

“….. huh.” Wei Ying said intelligently, looking genuinely poleaxed, and if Lan Wangji were a pettier person he might have felt the slightest bit smug for their positions during many an afternoon in their youth to be reversed. But he didn’t, of course, because the Second Jade of Lan was not petty.

“Haha, um, I don’t know very many songs suited for a lullaby.” Desperate verbal backtracking was something Lan Wangji had never expected to see the most shameless person he’d ever known do, but there it was.

Lan Wangji turned and padded over to the bed, fingers trailing up to pull the pins that held his hair in place out with a confidence he didn’t really feel. “You are clever. I am sure you can think of something appropriate.”

A strangled sound came from behind him, and for the first time in a very long time, Lan Wangji resisted the urge to smile the slightest bit.

Yes, being the one to initiate the teasing was far more enjoyable than getting teased himself, he decided.

For a moment he balked the slightest bit at the thought of slipping into bed with Wei Ying still in the room, the far more recent memory of his warm weight laying across him making his breath catch, but Lan Wangji could admit to himself that he was always stubborn to a fault; if either of them was going to back out of this, it wouldn’t be him.

So, he slipped into bed, and did a rather remarkable job of keeping an expectant look off his face when he glanced over at where Wei Ying was still standing rather awkwardly next to the table with the qiankun pouch.

Wei Ying stared back, still clearly flummoxed, but rallying to the challenge.

A softer grin painted his new face in a different way under the moonlight, and Lan Wangji felt his heart stutter.

“Oh, don’t worry, er-gege~,” Wei Ying said cheerfully in that way that always made an aborted shiver run down Lan Wangji’s spine. “I think I know just the right song for someone as lovely as you to drift off to!”

And because time was cruel and heartbreak was his oldest friend, he began to hum the song Lan Wangji had written himself in the throes of frustrated, sun-drenched love as a teenager, and his blood froze solid.

This was-

This was a mistake.

This was a mistake, and Lan Wangji was a fool, but if he asked Wei Ying to stop, to sing something else, he would ask why, and Lan Wangji-

He couldn’t.

His eyes fell shut, but only because looking at Wei Ying as he was now, happy and lovely in the muted candlelight and singing the song Lan Wangji wrote for him, felt too raw.

The only solace, Wei Ying knew the melody, but that was it. He’d never heard the lyrics before, the words Lan Wangji had slowly dared to thread through the harmony during thirteen years of waiting. Thirteen years of yearning. Thirteen years of missing Wei Ying with every breath of air in his lungs.

But that was alright, because those painful words were still locked behind Lan Wangji’s heart, and the melody was still all that was needed for an impromptu lullaby.

It seemed a much kinder reversal of the first time Lan Wangji had sang it to Wei Ying, trapped deep within a cave with no guaranteed escape, the both of them injured and wracked with fever for days on end.

Yet it was also strangely crueler, because despite the gentler setting they were still so very far apart. In the cave, at least Lan Wangji had been able to touch Wei Ying, to try and soothe him between intermittent bouts of shivering on the cold stone floor.

Here, now, Wei Ying hummed the song that had taken root in Lan Wangji’s heart on the night they had first met, and Lan Wangji desperately tried not to drown.

Do you know?

Do you know what that song means to me?

Did it ever mean the same to you?

In the wide empty space of the bed, fingers clench almost painfully hard around a handful of fabric.

Did it ever mean anything to you?

Only decades of discipline kept his face as smooth as unfeeling jade when the song tapered off slowly, Wei Ying’s voice – so different from before, slightly higher in a not unpleasant contrast to Lan Wangji’s even tones – growing quieter and quieter with each repetition until he ended it with a deep, quiet sigh that tugged incessantly at Lan Wangji’s heart; the voice was different, but the cadence was exactly the same.

I know you, some wild thing shrieked in Lan Wangji’s head. I know you, how could I not? How could you ever think I would forget how you are when you’re happy?

A rustle of fabric, a squeak of a floorboard as Wei Ying stepped away with a small sound of satisfaction, a soft breath of air as the candle was blown out.

“Good night Lan Zhan.”

He must have turned away, must be focusing on something else, because if he were still looking at the bed there is no way he could have possibly missed the way Lan Wangji’s hands spasmed reflexively at the sound of his name.

For several heartbeats it’s all he can do just to keep breathing through it, the terrible heaviness clamped hard around his chest in an agonizingly familiar way.

He breathes in deeply, twice, three times, long years of meditation serving him well in getting his breathing back under control.

Once he is certain his voice will remain steady, his heart will not shake apart under another onslaught of emotion, he forces his eyes open to try to say- something, no matter how breathlessly quiet his voice is-

“Wei Ying-!”

But the door has already shut softly behind the man, leaving the room aching and cavernous in the silence.

--

A/N:  Yeah you know how there's a scene in the audio drama where Wei Wuxian just absent-minded started humming Wangxian.mp3 while he was cutting out a paperman?? Yeah my heart may never recover. ~Persephone

[essektheylyss]

as he falls from the sky

Perhaps his fall from grace would not feel so wrong if there weren't so many people around him to catch him. Guilt is a dizzying thing.

Post-97, no major warnings. Ao3 link here if you wanna read there or check out the tags!

He’s unused to being on the ocean, and every rock of the boat, however gentle in the Nicodranas harbor, feels like another lurch forward, like a fall. Like that moment before falling asleep, when your mind drops and you are startled awake by vertigo, over, and over, and over.

But it’s not just the ocean, is it? This is the fall. He’s been waiting for decades for the tightrope he’s been walking to break, and now he’s spiraling downward, eyes closed tight so as not to catch sight of the ground rising up to meet him at terminal velocity.

He’s always prided himself on his ability to float. He’d hoped maybe he could keep it up forever. He should’ve known it wouldn’t last.

The soft surface of the hammock in the cabin they’ve settled him in—well guarded, he’s sure, though they didn’t say as much—might as well be cement, for all the comfort it brings him.

There will be no sleep for him tonight, he knows. His skin burns where Jester squeezed his hand and Caleb kissed his head, and their affection is a like a brand—imagining it as a burn is the only way he can feel like it’s something he deserve. But these marks they’ve bestowed upon him tie him to them in a way that endangers them, but he doesn’t think they’re willing to take them back.

And they know, he thinks, the way they’ve spoken about the Assembly, how much danger he has put them in just by caring about them.

But he thinks of throne rooms and white dragons and devils and remembers that danger has never driven them away from saving one of their own, and he is, against all odds, now one of them. He only prays that he is worth saving.

Funny. He’s never prayed in his life, not sincerely anyway, and though he is uncertain to what entity he is appealing right now, it is certainly a prayer in his mind.

The gentle rock of the hammock feels too much like a descent, and he stands finally, his breath short and catching in his chest, and he pushes the door to the tiny room open, holding onto what little air he can take in, expecting to get reprimanded, but… no one is in the hallway outside. The ship is silent aside from the occasional creak of the wood hull.

He can’t bring himself to float, not here, not tonight, and he also can’t bring himself to cover his footsteps, and they still fall, even as light as they are beneath his weight, with hollow thuds on the stairs.

It is still so dark on the deck, most of the lamplight of Nicodranas extinguished now, but the stars overhead are bright enough that his keen eyes have no difficulty in picking out the lone figure standing at the railing across the deck.

Perhaps he is being guarded after all, more subtly than a locked door or a set of chains. After Caleb’s attempt to cuff him at the party, he had half-expected to be chained in his room.

This is almost worse—any modicum of trust they award him feels like an admittance that they do not understand how much of a danger he is. Nothing he touches comes away uncorrupted, but he also does not think they are fools.

The cool ocean air comes in gulps as he tries to find his breath again, liberated from the musky weight of his cabin. He walks to the railing.

When Caleb meets his eye, he doesn’t look surprised. In fact, he barely glances over, his eyes fixed on the darkened city. “The docks are crawling with Crownsguard, and it bodes poorly for either of us to be seen together by anyone associated with the Assembly. Perhaps you should be in disguise.”

Essek ducks his head until he can place it in his own hands, elbows resting on the railing in a mirror to Caleb. “I… I don’t know that I can face you all as anything other than what I am. Not anymore.”

“We are going to protect you,” Caleb murmurs, “but we need you to protect yourself in order to do that.”

Essek sighs, and his fingers flit in the air, tracing a few runes, before a disguise falls back over his form, different than the one he had presented to the Martinet. He is not that much of a fool.

“It’s alright though,” Caleb continues as Essek allows himself to stand up straighter again, “we wear many masks here. It’s only fitting.”

Essek frowns at him, though he has no idea how much Caleb can see of his expression in the dark.

Caleb laughs though, so he must’ve seen it, understood the intention behind it, because he says, “Caleb Widogast is not… not the name I had when I was under the tutelage of Trent Ikithon. In fact…” He presses almost instinctively at the bandages on his arms—the sleeves of his robes had hidden them, earlier, but back in more comfortable clothing, his sleeves are rolled up, and the gritty wrappings are exposed to the night air. “I was a very different person then. Not physically but…” His voice trails off, and he peers into the sea below them. “That boy died a long time ago.”

Essek’s mouth is dry, and he has to clear his throat before he can speak again. “When did you study under Trent?”

“Oh, I began with him almost… I think almost fifteen years ago, now,” he says softly, and Essek remembers his interactions with the Scourger, their quick Zemnian conversation before she’d tried to kill him. The small bits of information he’d gleaned from veiled conversations with the Martinet over the past several decades. For all of his poor decisions, Essek is a clever man.

“Caleb.” He’s never been so uncertain of what steps to take next, not even when he didn’t touch the ground. But he is certain that he needs to know this. “I have no right to ask you for anything, but I…” He swallows hard. “May I see your arms?”

Caleb startles now, though he doesn’t seem alarmed, only surprised. “Why?”

“If you worked with Trent, and he has been…” One hand rests in the air over Caleb’s wrist. “Will you permit me?”

Wordlessly, Caleb offers his arm, and Essek’s face burn where he unwraps the bandages. He is grateful it’s dark enough that Caleb won’t notice the color in his cheeks. When the scars are laid bare, the designs are unmistakable, geometric patterns that mirror the ones he has traced so many times in notes and research. “What did he do to you?”

“Residuum,” Caleb answers, and he winces as he remembers. His forearm still rests in Essek’s palms, and Essek imagines the touch sears another brand into his palm, but he cannot bring himself to let go. “There were residuum crystals here, in lines and points.” Essek keeps expecting him to pull his arm away, but neither of them move. “It’s odd; I saw some of… some of my former peers, a little while ago, when they allowed us to inspect the beacon, and they now have tattoos in similar design instead.”

“That is… puzzling.”

“You know something of this?”

Essek wets his lips and shakes his head. “No, no, I have not been told of this. But it certainly appears to me to be dunamantic in nature.”

“And you are something of an expert, hmm?” Caleb asks, and Essek knows his own arrogant words thrown back at him when he hears them. There is no malice in their tone, though, nor in Caleb’s smile, and he still doesn’t answer.

The silence stretches between them as a set of guards passes by on the docks below, and that sensation of vertigo washes over Essek again. Instinctively, he grips the only thing he can—Caleb’s arm, and Caleb’s hands find his own arms, grasping onto him tightly.

“Are you alright?”

“I… I think so. Tonight has been… overwhelming.”

“Yes,” Caleb smiles again. “We can be an overwhelming lot.”

Part of Essek wants to scream at that, wants to rage against the kindness of Caleb’s scorched fingers on his arms, the place where Essek can still feel his lips on his forehead. He deserves none of it, and every extension of that kindness only brings the ground hurtling closer. The impact has not come, and yet it must.

But at the same time, with his feet firmly on the deck and Caleb holding onto him, it is almost like he can feel the ground. Perhaps a softer landing is not impossible for him after all, cradled in the battered, straining wings of his friends. The burden of his mistakes might not be too heavy to carry, with all of them around him.

His friends.

He is burning, drowning, falling, all at once, but when he finds Caleb’s blue eyes in the dark, swimming back into focus, he gets the faintest idea that, of everyone in the world he could’ve met, this group of people—how broken, he cannot say, but he has seen the fear that he feels behind their eyes—understand that the most.

Everything blurs again, but this time it is because of the tears that have risen to his eyes, and before he can speak Caleb’s arms wrap around his shoulders. The sob catches in his throat before he can make a sound, maintaining composure to the end—it is the last of his dignity that he can cling to, but with his face buried in Caleb’s shoulder, he allows the tears to fall.

“This is not a kindness I am worthy of,” he chokes out finally, but Caleb doesn’t move.

“We have not asked what you believe yourself worthy of,” he responds, and the growl of his voice rumbles in his chest. “We offer you the kindness that in the past we have withheld from ourselves.”

Essek has no response to that, but it is the last protest he thinks to give them as Caleb grounds him—to the ship, to the group, to what life he may yet live. And now that he has touched it, been given permission to land, he cannot give up the sweet kiss of the earth anymore.

[carmenlire]

Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 46

read chapter one

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“When you said it would take a few hours to get ready, I thought you were joking.”

Alec looks up at Magnus, who’s standing by the drink cart with a martini. Careful not to move his head too much, he raises a brow. “Why would I joke about that?”

Shrugging a little, Magnus takes a sip of gin before wandering over to the couch. He lowers himself gracefully, crossing one leg over the other while he studies him.

“I’ve never known you to take more than half an hour to get ready. I didn’t know it took so much. . . effort to make you look so good on the red carpet, darling.”

Magnus’s voice is teasing and Alec laughs, shaking his head before wincing as the hair stylist pointedly shifts his head back into position with a harrumph.

“Everything you see on the red carpet is a carefully planned illusion,” Alec says dryly. “It takes a village, don’t you know.”

“I’m getting the idea,” Magnus replies with an arch look.

Looking up as the makeup artist nears, the room falls to its busy silence. There are muttered directions and the team surrounding Alec works like a well oiled machine. Hair finishes after another half hour or so but he’s not allowed to look at the mirror until his makeup is complete.

From the corner of his eye, Alec sees Magnus’s brows almost fly off his face as the makeup artist comes back to his side with an eyeshadow palette.

With a faint grin, Alec prods his boyfriend. “Yes?”

“I thought when you said the makeup team would be here at four, you meant-- I don’t know. Foundation, maybe a bit of concealer. I didn’t expect actual makeup.”

Looking up at the artist’s instruction, Alec focuses on not blinking as eyeliner is applied to his lower lid.

“I wear makeup sometimes. It’s usually for work-- concerts, award shows-- but I’ve been known to occasionally sport some eyeliner when I’m in the mood.”

“You’re so full of surprises,” Magnus replies and Alec hears the smile in his voice.

He smiles a little to himself and the next little while passes in silence. Once his makeup is finished, his chair is turned toward the vanity that had been set up in their living room.

Leaning towards the mirror, Alec studies his image.

He likes it.

It’s nothing too brazen but tonight’s a big night and he’d wanted to add a little extra something for the Grammys. His eyeshadow is dark, smoky, and there’s sharp silver eyeliner complementing the black. It adds depth to his eyes and will go well with his outfit for the night.

Shaking the hands of the team, Alec heads to the bedroom and changes into his tuxedo. It’s one of three outfits he’ll wear by the end of the night. Reaching for one of two hangers, he looks up as Magnus walks into the room.

“Getting dressed now, too?”

“Since you’re finally ready, I thought that was my cue to get dressed,” Magnus teases as he takes the other tux off the rack.

They turn to face each other and Alec stills, letting Magnus study his red carpet look with sharp eyes.

“So,” he asks, breaking the spell of silence that seems to have fallen over them. “What do you think?”

Humming a little, Magnus gives his face a thorough onceover. “I like it,” he says after another moment. “You’re certainly going to make an impression.”

“That’s the goal.”

They both change into their suits and Alec shrugs into his jacket as he looks up, the breath knocked out of him at the sight of his boyfriend in purple.

“That looks even better on you than it did on the hanger.”

Smoothing down his shirt, Magnus preens a bit. “It is my first awards show and I’m accompanying the Alec Lightwood. I have to dress my best.”

“You could be wearing a burlap sack and still look edible.”

Raising a brow, Magnus echoes, “Edible, huh?”

“Yeah.” Alec’s voice lowers a bit as he nears him, just to place a kiss at the corner of his eye. “You’ll fit right in.”

Pulling back, Alec turns toward the door as he looks at Magnus over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go out for last minute alterations. You still need to finish your makeup right?”

Magnus waves him on. “Yes, I do. I’ll be out whenever I’m done.”

Alec takes his cue, grinning as he leaves their bedroom. Magnus had done his hair and most of his makeup earlier. There were just a few finishing touches to complete before they were ready to leave for Madison Square Garden.

Leaving him to it, Alec lets the design team fuss over his outfit, making sure it drapes perfectly over his frame. It’s nothing wild-- a standard black tuxedo with black satin trim. While he’d gone for more colorful or interesting suits in the past, Alec hadn’t wanted anything that screamed statement this year. He was only nominated in two categories-- Record and Song of the Year, respectively-- and was going more for moral support to a few friends than any real hope that he’d win.

Plus, he was looking forward to bringing Magnus. When he’d offered his plus one to his boyfriend, he’d been a little hesitant. It was the Grammys, for God’s sake. There was no mistaking that if Magnus accompanied him then they’d be inundated with press and scrutiny. Still, Alec reflects. He was looking forward to tonight. They’d do a few dozen interviews, sit and relax for a few hours, and then head to the after party at Pandemonium.

All in all, there were far worse ways to spend an evening.

To his delight, Magnus had readily accepted his invitation. Alec had offered to get a team for Magnus but his boyfriend had waved it away, exclaiming that he was more than capable of doing his own hair and makeup.

Alec had been beyond thrilled, however, when Magnus had let him take care of his outfit. They were both wearing custom pieces by Tom Ford-- and hadn’t those fittings been fun.

Magnus was a natural, following the designers instructions and they’d each went for styles that suited them. Magnus’s aubergine shirt had little embellishments with a textured black jacket that fit him like a dream.

Rolling his shoulders a little, Alec tries to release some pent up tension.

The past few days have been a whirlwind, what with rehearsals and last minute fittings and meetings with his label. Alec was performing his latest single tonight-- it’s been holding steady at number one since it’s drop back in the fall-- and hadn’t that been a delightful relief-- and his album is set to be released in just a few short months, with tour immediately following.

Ruefully reflecting that he’d had damn near a year to rest on his laurels, Alec knows that his life is about to kick back into high gear as he starts promo for this next record. After promo, he’s going to eat, breathe, and live this album as he tours for the next several months and while Alec’s ready to get back in the saddle, he’s a little wary, too.

It won’t be the first but it’ll definitely be a considerable adjustment for his relationship. Tour is grueling even when he’s enjoying himself, even when it’s easy. Alec has faith in them, though, that they can weather whatever life throws their way.

He has to, he thinks, or this thing is doomed before it even starts.

This performance tonight is a declaration of sorts. It’s his first real performance since early last summer-- damage control back in August doesn’t count-- and there are nerves he didn’t anticipate. This album was undeniably different to what he’s released in the past. It’s softer; it’s less gritty. It’s a love letter to Magnus, after all, and that’s far different than the songs he’s known for about partying and fucking and all around being the stereotypical elusive celebrity.

It’s him, though. It’s authentic as hell and Alec had been gratifyingly surprised at the reception the single had gotten. Released without promo, it’d reached number one in eighty four countries within the first six hours. It’s been at the top of Billboard since that first day and it’s been certified triple platinum in the meanwhile.

Not bad when this time last year, Alec had been feeling burnt out and damn near despondent over his writer’s block, over the pressure of performing when he didn’t know what his next step should be.

Laughing a little under his breath, Alec knows that he never could’ve anticipated Magnus and the effect he’d have on his music-- on his life.

Alec doesn’t notice as everyone takes a step back from him and he startles a little when arms reach around him, familiar in their familiarity.

“Where’d your mind go, darling?”

Shaking himself from his reveries, Alec smiles over at Magnus. “Just thinking about how this is the first Grammys I actually have a date.”

Watching as everyone finishes packing up, Alec hears his phone vibrate on the coffee table. Picking it up, he sees a text from Dave.

Ready whenever you are, boss.

Taking a deep breath, Alec turns to look at Magnus. “Dave’s downstairs.”

Magnus reaches over like he can sense Alec’s nerves and it’s ridiculous because he’s Alec fucking Lightwood. He’s been to dozens of awards shows over the years. He’s intimately acquainted with the carefully erected facade, knows the ins and outs and the behind the scenes fuckery that they’re all plagued with and this should just be another evening where he networks and performs and loses himself in vodka and dancing at the end of things.

It’s not, though. It’s a declaration professionally but it’s also a statement on his personal life.

Magnus is going to stand next to him for all the interviews. He’ll be asked questions-- and hadn’t that coaching with Lydia been fun-- and the public will really see him for the first time.

And there will be judgement.

His appearance will be remarked on and so will his answers. People won’t see Dr. Magnus Bane, professor. They’ll see Magnus, Alec’s boyfriend.

Alec’s under no illusions that the red carpet’s going to be anything but exhausting.

Still. This is his job and it’s his life and for better or worse, Magnus has thrown himself right alongside Alec come what may.

Realizing that he still hasn’t answered his boyfriend, Alec looks up, smiling a little as he sees Magnus watching him with that patient look that sneaks under his defenses.

“Are you sure,” he asks one last time. “Are you ready to throw yourself to the wolves?”

Are you sure about me?

While Alec and Magnus have stopped hiding their relationship, they’ve been infuriatingly tight-lipped about it to the media. There may be pictures of them holding hands or enjoying brunch, but neither have said a word about each other since Alec’s little damage control tour.

It’s a new stage and as new phases always are, it’s nerve wracking. This is the last barrier between Magnus and the rest of the world and Alec doesn’t take that lightly.

As his eyes meet Magnus’s, he sees his real question is clear. But Magnus doesn’t pull away, doesn’t change his mind.

Instead, he winks, reaching a hand up to smooth down his lapel. “Don’t think you’re going to offer to take me to my first Grammys and then try to back out of it, Alexander. I believe I was promised the celebrity experience?”

Alec laughs, wrapping his arms around Magnus’s waist to haul him closer. He hears the closing of the door and knows they’re alone now.

“I am a man of my word,” he murmurs, nosing along Magnus’s jaw.

Without warning, Magnus is pulling back and Alec opens eyes that have fallen shut as Magnus reaches for his hands, intertwining their fingers before taking a step back towards the door. He watches as Magnus tilts his head in that direction, affection overlaid with challenge.

“Shall we?”

Alec follows eagerly and they go down the elevator, and Alec almost runs into Magnus when he stops abruptly in the lobby.

“Alexander.”

Humming a little, Alec looks up from where he’d been staring at his ass to see what must have caused such a reaction. He grins when he realizes.

“Magnus.”

He throws an arm over his shoulders, leading him outside where Dave is holding open the back door to the limousine.

Nodding in his direction, Alec urges Magnus inside. He’s bemused as he sees Magnus shake his head a little as he follows but Alec doesn’t immediately slide into the backseat.

Instead, he stands just outside of it, looking over at Dave.

“Think you’ll win anything tonight?”

“Nah,” Alec replies with an easy grin. “An Arrow in the Dark won its awards last year. I only have one song up for anything but I’ve been on hiatus so damn long they’ve probably forgotten about me.”

Dave scoffs. “It’ll take more than six months for the world to forget about you, Mr. Lightwood. Not with your date this evening.”

Leveling his driver with a look, Alec asks sotto voce, “How many reporters are gonna be on my shit list by the end of the night, do you think?”

Laughing heartily, Dave just shakes his head as he shoos Alec into the car. “Don’t tempt fate, Boss. Always go into things on a positive note, that’s what I always say.”

Alec doesn’t deign to answer to that-- he and Dave have talked shit about too many in the industry to give credit to his response-- and he hears his driver chuckle as he closes the door behind him.

Settling into his seat, Alec glances over to see Magnus giving him an appraising look.

“You don’t do anything by half measures, do you?”

“It’s the Grammys, babe. There’s no such thing as half measures.”

With a raised brow, Magnus replies, “You would know, I suppose.”

Reaching over, Alec lays his hand on top of Magnus’s for a brief moment before flipping it over and interlacing their hands. He brings their joined hands up and kisses the back of Magnus’s hand, just above his rings.

“Are you excited?”

Leaning against him, Magnus plays with his fingers absently as he answers. “I can’t deny that I’m looking forward to seeing what it’s like actually being there, instead of just watching it through the television.” Looking up from under his lashes, Magnus smirks a little. “And I can’t wait to see you perform.”

“How’d you know I was performing,” Alec asks with a little noise of indignation. He’d been looking forward to surprising Magnus with it.

Magnus just sends him a deadpan look. “Forgetting that you’ve been oddly mum about how you’ve been spending your days for the past week and I’d have to be living under a rock not to hear the commercials on the radio and TV. They’ve listed your name along with half a dozen others set to perform tonight.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Alec says glumly before looking over. “I’ll be gone about half an hour during the show between costume changes and the actual performance. Think you can handle things without me?”

“I’m sure I’ll manage and even if, for some reason the hot seat gets a little too warm, I’ll have Simon there.”

“Definitely,” Alec says. “I’m so glad they seated us next to each other this year. Simon hates sitting with people he doesn’t know and this way you have someone to talk to during the lulls.”

“I only wish Raphael was attending, too. That would’ve been too much fun.”

Alec just looks at him. “Something tells me awards show will never be Raphael’s cup of tea.”

“How right you are, darling. Raphael despises this sort of thing. Whenever Catarina used to talk about these events, you could just see his eyes glaze over in a combination of boredom and horror.”

Switching topics, Magnus asks, “Do you think we’ll see Catarina tonight? She told me Ragnor and she hired a babysitter for the evening.”

“I’d imagine. I don’t know where their seats are but we’ll make sure to at least say hi.”

Before Alec quite knows it, they’re slowing down as they join the line of other celebrities waiting to be let out. While the Grammys alternated between here and L.A., Alec was glad to be on his home turf for the night.

Seeing them creep up to where they’re to be dropped off, at the start of the press frenzy, Alec brings Magnus’s chin up, wanting to make sure this moment holds the gravitas he feels it deserves.

“Remember what Lydia told us,” he starts warmly. “Thankfully she doesn’t like to micromanage the entirety of my press but she doesn’t want us--”

“Revealing everything. Yes, I know. We can talk a little, throw a few details out there, but we don’t want to spill our entire story. I was listening, you know,” Magnus teases him.

Letting his lips tip up into a faint smile, Alec continues, “I’m not going to harp on your every word. You can say whatever you want and I’ll have your back but I want to know if there’s anything you don’t want me to say up front?”

Magnus shakes his head. “I trust you, Alexander. I trust that you won’t go divulging our personal business to the entire world. Whatever you let slip, I’ll support you, too.”

Alec’s eyes warm at his boyfriend’s answer and then Dave is pulling up to the curb and he watches as Magnus takes a deep breath before almost bracing himself.

“Hey,” he soothes, turning so that he can run his arms over his shoulders. “Whatever’s waiting for us out there, I want you to know I love you and I’m so incredibly proud to stand next to you tonight. You’re the only one I want by my side. You can’t fuck this up, babe.”

Looking up, Magnus meets his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Alec echoes on a breath. “I think it’s time we gave everyone what they want, don’t you?”

Alec’s relieved to see Magnus’s shoulders lose a bit of their tension and the grin at each other before Magnus is pulling him close for a desperate kiss.

When he pulls back, Alec opens his eyes and feels a little dazed at the sight in front of him.

“I love you so much, Alexander. Thank you for inviting me here, for thinking I’m worth it.”

“Don’t you know,” he asks softly, heart aching in the best damn way. “You’re worth everything.”

Letting the words hang in the backseat, Alec steps out of the limo. Almost immediately, he’s blinded by the flash of dozens of cameras and he throws them all an easy grin as he turns back to the car. Holding out a hand, he leans close as he murmurs, “Out of the frying pan?”

He’s delighted as Magnus laughs, as he lays his hand in Alec’s. “And into the fire,” he agrees.

If Alec thought the cacophony at his arrival was loud, it’s nothing compared to the dull roar of the reporter’s crowd when they realize that he’s brought a date-- that he’s brought Magnus.

Sliding a hand around Magnus’s waist, Alec leans close to to murmur in his ear, “Let me know if it becomes too much, okay?”

Looking over at Alec, Magnus raises a brow. “I think you’ll find I can handle myself just fine, darling.”

Alec’s grin ratchets up a notch and then they’re in line for interviews. To his surprise, Magnus is a natural. He knows when to play coy and Alec already knows his boyfriend is going to make the morning’s best dressed list.

Some reporters ask evasive, pointed questions but Alec handles them like a pro, not giving Magnus any opportunity to falter as he throws out such riveting information like if Magnus was still working, if there was any hope for his fans or if he was off the market for good, or how they split bills.

Thankfully, they’re mostly done when Alec sees one of his favorite faces in front of them. Turning his head so that his lips touch Magnus’s ear, Alec says, “Our next interviewer is a friend. You can relax with her.”

Magnus nods to show he’s heard and then Alec breaks away from where they’d been holding hands for most of the press walk. He takes a few steps away to stand in front of a photo spot. He poses for a few moments, just him, and when he glances over at Magnus it’s to see his boyfriend smiling at him.

Throwing him a wink, Alec sees more than hears Magnus laugh and so when he turns back to the cameras, his grin is a little more natural-- real-- than they usually are during these sorts of things. Not wanting to hog the spotlight, though, Alec quickly gestures for Magnus to join him, holding out a hand.

Magnus goes to his side without hesitating, lifting a hand to rest it over his chest while Alec’s arm goes around his middle, pulling him imperceptibly closer.

As he stands in front of dozens of reporters and cameras blind them, Alec feels something settle over him.

This is his life. While he often enjoys awards shows, they’ve also become ordinary. A chore that needs completed. Alec’s been around the block more times than he cares to count and it’s all old hat to him. It’s just another day at work.

It’s different today. Magnus is the one standing next to him, looking over at him with warm eyes whenever they have a moment to breathe and he doesn’t look on the edge of panic. No, he doesn’t look like he’s in desperate need of an exit. He stands next to Alec and he contributes beautifully to soundbites that will be buzzing around the internet tomorrow. He’s his regularly charming self that Alec fell for so long ago-- that he falls a little more in love with every day.

Finally, Alec sees their future. He can see them next year, five years from now. Ten. He sees Magnus teaching and the occasional gala and forty eight hours stolen from jampacked tours just to fly home and see Magnus-- or for Magnus to fly to whatever city he’s in just to see each other.

It’s all so painfully mundane yet extraordinary that Alec can’t breathe for a moment. For the first time, everything seems not like a desperate wish but something they have a shot at after all.

He guides them to the next reporter on autopilot, shaking off epiphanies and he grins as he sees a welcome face.

He sees Magnus’s surprise as he leans in for a quick hug. “Evening, ladies.”

Laughing, Aline hugs him back. “Evening, Alec!” She pulls back and Alec doesn’t try to hide his smile as his cousin goes to hug Magnus next.

Magnus warms up quickly, staring over Aline’s shoulder with bemused eyes.

Shrugging a little, Alec says, “Did I forget to mention? Aline’s my cousin. She and Helen are my favorite reporters in New York.”

“Don’t lie, Lightwood. We’re your favorite reporters anywhere.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he agrees easily and the next few minutes are the best so far. It’s far more relaxed than the other interviews and Aline knows what questions to ask and which to steer away from. He’s definitely a little disappointed when it’s time to move on.

Looking over his shoulder, Alec calls out, “Text me and we’ll get lunch sometime.”

“A double date,” Helen asks and Magnus nods with a grin.

“Count on it,” he replies and they hear Aline and Helen laugh behind them.

It’s not too much longer and they’re in Madison Square Garden. Alec’s just guiding them to their seating area when he hears someone shout his name and then Magnus is putting a hand to his chest to stop him.

Looking up, Alec scowls. “What are you doing here?”

Simon bounds up to them looking far too happy. He claps him on the shoulder before turning to Magnus to do the same.

“Hey,” he says. “I’m nominated for a Grammy the same as you tonight.”

Alec lets his expression ease into a faint smile and he doesn’t even grimace-- too much at least--as Simon pulls him into a hug.

“Nice suit,” he says, raising a brow at the maroon silk, but Simon doesn’t bat an eye, just smiles serenely.

“Nice eyeshadow.”

Alec barks out a laugh as he shakes his head ruefully, Magnus joining him as their hips bump into each other.

They walk to their seats together. MSG’s a dull roar as everyone socializes, as the fans talk amongst themselves.

He’s just about to sit down when Simon exclaims, “Wait!”

Pausing, Alec raises a brow. “Yeah?”

Waving at them, Simon says, “Let me get a pic of you two! It’s Magnus’s first Grammys and--” he throws a reassuring smile to Magnus as he continues, “I know how surreal it can be. Alec’s been to so many that it doesn’t even faze him anymore but you two will definitely want a picture to commemorate the occasion!”

Alec looks over at Magnus and they share a look before shrugging. They move until they’re standing in the aisle and Alec hands Simon his phone. Standing close, he’s smiling for the camera when something catches his eye. He turns to look at Magnus and he just can’t help himself.

He leans in and he’s smiling as he kisses his boyfriend. He hears Magnus make a sound of surprise, feels the faint hum against his lips, but he’s kissing back.

Just a moment and then Alec pulls back and he raises a hand to brush over Magnus’s cheek.

“Love you,” he says quietly, in the space between them.

“I love you, too.”

Abruptly remembering where they are, Alec turns back to Simon who’s watching them with a delighted gaze.

“I feel like a proud parent at prom,” Simon says, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. “You two are just too damned cute.”

Wondering for the millionth time why he’s best friends with Simon, Alec tries to glare at him, though even he can tell there’s next to no heat to it.

They take their seats after that and Simon leaves them alone as he makes his rounds. Alec takes out his phone when it’s just the two of them and Magnus leans close as he starts scrolling through the pictures Simon had just taken.

There’s about a thousand and it looks like Simon had just pressed the shutter every goddamn millisecond.

They decide on a photo and Alec types out the caption before posting.

It’s a picture of the two of them kissing. The caption reads everything’s better with a plus one.

The awards start not long after that Alec looks over a few times to see Magnus taking every detail in. When an attendant comes up to him a little while later and taps him on the shoulder, Alec nods before turning to his boyfriend.

Not wanting to disturb everyone, he leans close, whispering, “Hey babe, I have to go get ready. I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

Magnus looks over at him, smiling a little before pulling him in with a quick kiss. “Break a leg, darling.”

Huffing out a laugh, Alec follows the attendant backstage. There, he’s escorted to his dressing room where he changed into his second outfit of the night. It’s just a black t-shirt under another black suit jacket with black leather accents. It perfectly complements his black leather pants and then he’s getting set up with his ear piece and mic pack.

Through the ear piece-- the custom ones he’d used last tour-- Alec hears the latest category announcement and listens to the pop star’s speech. He bounces up and down on the balls of his feet a few times before cracking his neck. He walks over to the stage and lets a dozen people fuss over him, making sure everything’s set as they adjust his mic and everyone rushes to their places.

He’s done this a thousand times before and he feels the familiar rush of energy flow into him. As nice as his break’s been, he has missed performing-- the rush, the heat, the energy-- and he’s looking forward to the next four minutes.

Hearing the celebrity who was announcing him, Alec tunes into her spiel.

“Our next performer is no stranger to this stage. He’s won eight Grammys, including last year’s Album of the Year for An Arrow in the Dark. That album would go on to win him three Grammys alone. The song he’s performing tonight is his lead single for his next album, expected this spring. Everyone give it up for Alec Lightwood!”

Alec grins as the crowd roars at him. Counting beats in his head, Alec looks up as the band starts playing the intro.

Since Feel Something is a slower song, it’s just Alec performing in front of a microphone. No background dancers or extravagant scenery, no one else except background vocals standing behind him. The lights are low, twisting shades of gray and wolf’s blue and Alec can’t see the crowd through the heat of the lights in his eyes.

So he closes them instead and sinks into a feeling he knows as well as breathing. It’s his first performance of anything new in over a year. There are always trials when performing new songs-- making sure he knows them inside and out can only go so far sometimes.

Luckily, everything goes wonderfully. He hits his notes and as the bridge comes around Alec takes his mic from its stand and pulls his ear plug out, wanting to hear the crowd without restriction.

He loses himself in performing and it’s all so beautifully familiar. The heat on his skin, the feeling of thousands of eyes on him, the euphoria of doing what he loves.

This song packs one hell of a punch as well and as Alec’s eyes close for the chorus, it feels like the emotions are being ripped out of him.

By the time the last note rings out, the chorus accompanying him echoing in the arena, Alec feels a little wrung out. It’s a combination of not performing in a little while and the sheer feeling that grabbed his throat and squeezed for those few minutes.

Alec slides the mic back into its stand as the stage lights go out around him, leaving him barely visible to everyone. He still hears the cheers, though, and they light a fire inside of him.

He’s still got it.

Walking backstage, one of the managers eagerly takes his mic pack and any other tech. He grabs a flute of champagne and downs it in one go, relishing the muted burn of alcohol. He heads back to his dressing room and takes a look in the mirror. His makeup is remarkably intact and it goes with his performance outfit so Alec doesn’t deign to change. Instead, he runs a hand through his hair and with one last once over, leaves the dressing room.

It’s a commercial break when he slides back into his seat next to Magnus but his boyfriend barely glances over, all of his attention focused on something going on across the room.

“What’s happening,” Alec asks under his breath and he scowls as Simon reaches over and hits him with a hissed, “Shut up.”

Distractedly, Magnus replies, “A waiter spilled wine on an artist’s dress and she has to present an award soon. She’s giving him hell.”

Alec looks up and snorts softly as he sees who the star in question is. “She’s a bit of an ass. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was her fault and she’s blaming the poor guy now.”

Relaxing in his seat now that his job for the evening is done, Alec reaches over and rests his hand on Magnus’s thigh. He tunes out the drama on the side of the room and instead people watches. He sees a few friends in the rows around him and he wonders if he’ll run into any of them at Pandemonium later.

As a celebrity hot spot, Pandemonium was going to be busy as hell tonight. Alec couldn’t wait.

Still, there were a couple of hours left at this shindig. Catarina wins a Grammy for a song she’d written and recorded for one of last year’s biggest films and Magnus is the first out of his seat as he claps for all he’s worth.

Alec stands next to him and it’s a little different-- sure he has friends in the industry but no one he’s so close to besides Simon. It’s a nice feeling to know that the artist deserves every bit of praise and some more besides.

As they sit back down, the next announcer steps up to the stand. Alec mostly tunes her out but he shakes his head a little when he sees a snippet of the Empty Hearts music video.

“And the winner for Song of the Year is. . . Alec Lightwood and Simon Lewis: Feel Something!”

Simon catapults out of his seat but it takes Alec a second to realize what’s just happened. He looks over to Magnus to see him grinning, laughing as he claps along with everyone else.

It’s like time fast forwards and then he’s standing and pulling Simon in for a bear hug. Simon holds on tight and Alec knows that he’s not imagining the breath that sounds suspiciously like a sob in his ear. Alec goes to follow Simon to the stage but at the last minute, he turns around and grabs Magnus by the lapels, pulling him in for a bruising kiss. It’s only a second before he breaks the kiss. He winks at Magnus-- who looks a little dazed-- and then continues his path.

While Alec had been primary songwriter, Simon had a credit on the song. Greeting the announcer, Simon takes the Grammy and holds it up, everyone laughing at his unbridled joy. Alec lets Simon take over the acceptance speech. It was his first Grammy, after all. While he’d been nominated a few times before, this was Simon’s very first win and Alec is more than willing to take a back seat and let his friend bask.

Simon’s speech is a little rambling and a lot endearing and by the time he finishes there’s no time for Alec to say anything. He waves to the crowd, touching his fingers to his mouth and blowing a kiss for an exuberant, heartfelt thanks.

It feels like just a few minutes later that his next category is being called and he feels Magnus tense beside him as the nominees for Record of the Year are announced, his face showing on the screen with the other four artists.

And the truth is, while Alec had downplayed his chances to everyone else, he wants this award. He’d just made the deadline for this single to be considered for the 2019 awards season and privately, he thinks his chances are good. He hasn’t released a music video for the song yet-- he was waiting to drop it with his album release-- but even without one, it had been staying steady on the charts. The past five months have been good to that song and his optimism for this next phase of his career and he’d love to be able to point to something tangible-- like an award-- and know that he was on the right track, that something different could still bring him gold.

Alec lets out quiet breath as announcer fiddles with the envelope, seemingly taking ages to open it. He feels Magnus lean close, hand on his thigh, and he relaxes the tiniest bit in his seat.

His eyes close when he feels his boyfriend’s breath on his ear. “While I have every confidence that your name is in that envelope, I want you to know we’re still going to celebrate handsomely tonight, Alexander.”

Without quite planning it, Alec’s grinning at Magnus’s words and a second later he hears his name being called out from the stage.

Eyes flying open, his first sight is Magnus. His smile is quieter but no less heartfelt and this time around, it’s him who pulls Alec close for a searing kiss, running a hand through his hair for a moment that runs white hot before he’s pulling back and all but shoving Alec towards the stage.

Clearing his throat, Alec tries to clear his head and as he passes around Simon’s seat, he sees his friend giving an exuberant thumbs up and smiling widely.

Walking to the stage solo, Alec works on his breathing, trying to calm his racing heart. It’s always a rush to win something-- let alone a fucking Grammy-- no matter what Simon might think.

He hugs the announcer, shaking their hand, and then he’s holding the little gold statue of a gramophone. He looks down at it and then up into the blinding lights and cheering crowd.

Alec leans down toward the mic, still sporting a smile, and starts his acceptance speech.

“What an incredible honor it is to receive this award tonight. I honestly didn’t expect this even if I secretly hoped,” he laughs and he hears everyone echo that laughter as he continues. “Feel Something is a little different to what I’m sure everyone’s used to from me. I’m glad you all like this new direction of my music and I’m eager to see everyone’s reactions when the album’s released in a few months. I’d like to thank my manager, Lydia, my team at Institute Records, my family for always having my back and-- one last person.”

Looking down, Alec gathers his thoughts before he lifts his head and makes eye contact with Magnus. His smile turns deeper, softer and everyone else in the room seems to vanish for a brief moment as he says, “He’s the reason that I’m holding this award tonight. When I met him, I’d just finished my world tour for An Arrow in the Dark and I was facing a turning point in my career. Truth be told, I was in crisis mode. And then I met him and he breathed new life into me and my music in a way that I never could have anticipated. So thank you, Magnus, for loving me and letting me love you. I couldn’t have done it without you, babe.”

Alec steps back from the mic, raising the award in a salute of sorts as he clears his throat again. He heads to the side entrance of the stage, entering backstage where he takes a few press photos before he’s allowed back to his seat.

When he finally gets back to Magnus, it’s to see his boyfriend talking animatedly with Simon. Sitting down, Alec barely opens his mouth before Magnus is kissing him. Immediately abandoning any thought of talking, he raises his free hand to cup Magnus’s face, shifting for a deeper angle.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that before Magnus pulls back. Alec looks up, catching his breath, only to lose it again when their eyes meet.

Magnus runs a thumb over his lip and Alec shudders.

“You really are extraordinary, aren’t you,” Magnus asks.

Alec’s voice is hoarse when he replies, “Every word, babe. I mean every goddamn word.”

He leans close and the kiss this time is softer, lingering. Alec gives up on paying attention to the show, clapping on autopilot when he hears everyone else do so.

His attention is far too full of Magnus to give a fuck about anything else.

Finally, finally, the show is over and everyone is escorted to their cars. There’s a bit of shuffling and they lose track of Simon-- though they do run into Catarina and Ragnor for a few moments waiting for their rides to pull up-- and then Alec and Magnus are climbing into their limo.

There’s an ice bucket there and Alec laughs when he sees what’s inside.

“What is it,” Magnus asks bemused.

“Lydia,” Alec replies shortly before he grabs two flutes. The bottle’s already been opened and he fills the glasses as Dave makes his painstaking way through traffic. “We have this tradition. Every time I win a Grammy, she surprises me with champagne for the ride to the after party.”

Magnus accepts his glass graciously, taking a sip while he eyes Alec over the rim. “That’s a lovely tradition. And definitely well deserved since you won not one but two awards tonight. That’s such an achievement, Alexander.”

Chuckling, Alec shakes his head ruefully. “I didn’t think I’d win either. Today’s turning out to be one hell of day.”

Magnus moves closer, coming to rest a hand on the side of his neck. “I’m proud of you, Alec. I know I’m a little biased but I love that song and you deserve recognition for it. You took a chance and-- well,” he trails off sheepishly. “I’m so happy that chance was worth it.”

Turning his head a little so that he can kiss the palm of Magnus’s hand, Alec sighs. “I’m happy you like it and that the world doesn’t hate it. That’s more than enough for me.”

“So the two Grammy’s aren’t really important?”

“Hey,” Alec says with a grin. “I didn’t say that.”

The two of them laugh, leaning into each other.

Traffic is brutal tonight, even for New York standards, and it takes almost an hour to get back to Magnus’s loft. Alec reaches for the champagne a few times, refilling his glass often since every time he looks down, it’s turned empty somehow.

He always tops off Magnus’s flute before his own and they spend the drive to their place talking quietly in the backseat. They can hear the radio playing in the front-- Dave’s always loved smooth jazz-- and it’s nice. Alec’s not already drunk, like he’s been known to be in the past and it’s nice, to be able to enjoy some calm in the storm.

Unlocking his phone, Alec sees a dozen texts of congratulations from his family and he laughs a little when he sees the dozen heart eye emojis accompanying Izzy’s message mentioning his acceptance speech. Opening Twitter, retweets a few links to news articles about his win and both he and Magnus making it onto the best dressed side of red carpet looks. He likes a few other tweets that are just fans talking about him and Magnus.

While there are a few posts that are bullshit, that are nasty and entitled and just plain wrong, there are far more people supporting Magnus, including one from a Twitter handle that makes him laugh out loud.

@prayformalec: omg did you see the way @AlecLightwood was looking at Magnus when he was talking about their first date? I got cavities just watching those two! And don’t get me started on the way they couldn’t keep their hands off each other djfhgsdjsdfkh

@Alec_komh: Holy shit @AlecLightwood always looks amazing but can we talk about MAGNUS!!! Can he p l e a s e **** ** ****

Shaking his head a little, he shows Magnus that one and they both laugh at his fan’s exuberant support.

They make it back to Brooklyn and get ready for the after party. Magnus changes into a sheer maroon button down that he leaves undone to his fucking navel. Over that, he’s wearing a dark blue jacket and it leaves his chest-- and most of his abs-- on display. Alec watches as his boyfriend goes through his jewelry, deciding on a handful of necklaces in varying lengths.

Alec, for his part, stays in the leather pants he’d worn for his performance. He just switches his shirt for a see-through black lace one with a floral pattern. He’d bought it ages ago but was never in the mood to wear out. Giving a mental shrug, Alec figures tonight’s as good a time as any.

Cleaning up his makeup a little, Alec’s ready before Magnus. He heads to the living room to wait and ends up standing in front of the drink cart. He pours a finger or two of whiskey in a glass, taking his time as he drinks.

“Ready, darling?”

Alec looks up but doesn’t say anything right away. Instead, he blinks. His gaze roves over his boyfriend and he swallows hard.

Magnus doesn’t seem to mind the silence. His mouth kicks up in a lazy grin as he walks over to him. Sliding fingers into the waistband of Alec’s pants, Magnus uses his free hand to snag Alec’s half-finished glass, swallowing the rest of it in one go.

He’s barely lowered the glass when Alec’s tipping his face up for a kiss. He’s dizzy with it, the taste of whiskey on Magnus’s tongue, the smell of his cologne, the sounds Magnus makes that he feels more than hears.

Half of him thinks about abandoning the rest of their plans for the night. His mind fills with images of stripping Magnus bare, laying him out on their bed, and spending hours trying to show Magnus how he makes him feel.

His rumination is fractured, though, as Magnus breaks the kiss, leaving Alec breathless and more than a little confused.

When he opens his eyes, it’s to see his boyfriend staring at him with amusement. “I do believe we have plans, Alexander. It wouldn’t do for us to get too carried away.”

“I think that’d be just fine,” Alec says, voice low in the quiet of their loft.

Magnus laughs a little before he brings Alec close for a smacking kiss on his lips. “Let’s go.”

Alec grumbles a little but it turns mostly for show as they head downstairs. Thankfully Pandemonium isn’t too far away and they’re pulling up to the front of the club a short while later.

Even through the blacked out windows, Alec sees hordes of paparazzi lingering on the sidewalk. The flashes from their cameras are a hundred starbursts and Alec rolls his eyes as he opens the door.

Almost immediately, the cameras turn to him. He ignores them as he turns back to escort Magnus out and without ceremony, he throws an arm over his shoulders, pulling him close to the side. Questions are shouted at him but Alec doesn’t even try to pick them out of the cacophony.

Nodding to the bouncer, there’s not a hitch in his step as the rope is pulled back to grant them access, allowing them to bypass the line stretched around the corner for those still waiting admittance.

The club is dark and full of flashing lights in a riot of color. He feels the bass in his chest and snags Magnus’s hands as he forces their way to the bar.

He’s immediately ordering half a dozen shots. Making way for Magnus, he hands one to his boyfriend and his gaze is struck by the way slender fingers pick up the shot glass, the way his throat works as he swallows.

They finish the shots in rapid succession and then it’s Magnus who’s pulling Alec onto the crowded dance floor.

The music is loud, drowning everything else out but the way Magnus feels against him. Lights bounce off highlighter, plays over his boyfriend until he’s covered in shifting shadows. Letting his hands rest on his hips, Alec pulls him closer.

He loses track of time quickly. There are more shots and the music doesn’t stop and Alec’s dizzy in a mix of low grade lust and top shelf liquor.

He knows people in the crowd, though, and he does rounds. Bringing Magnus with him, Alec introduces him to acquaintances and friends and-- to his surprise-- Magnus isn’t cowed by the dozen celebrities he talks to. He’s witty as ever, as irresistible as ever, and it’s a potent sight to see his boyfriend fit in seamlessly with another part of his life altogether.

Alec doesn’t remember quite how it happened, but the next thing he knows, he’s popping open a bottle a Dom Perignon. He has no goddamn clue where the cork is but it doesn’t matter. Bringing the bottle up to his lips, Alec drinks straight from the bottle before handing it over to Magnus who accepts it with an arch look, smug grin on his face as he tips it up and takes a healthy swig.

It’s all so much and it’s been ages since Alec felt like this-- like he was on top of the world, like nothing mattered except right now, here in the moment.

He’s won two fucking Grammys-- bringing his total up to ten-- and his album has been sent off to be mastered. He’s at the top of his game with no signs of that changing anytime soon.

He’s so in love he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s in love with the man in front of him and it’s all so overwhelming.

Time seems to slow for an imperceptible moment. His mind is hazy, the only thought he can catch Magnus, and so he pulls his boyfriend in, sliding a hand to his back. Leaning close, he kisses the pulse at Magnus’s throat and tastes salt. He sucks a bruise or three along unblemished skin, losing himself in the warm scent that lingers there.

One hand brings their hips together while the other goes to Magnus’s nape. He moans low in his throat when his boyfriend arches his neck, granting more access, but it’s drowned out by the crowd and music.

Leaning back to admire his handiwork, Alec takes in blown pupils and the flush that rides high on Magnus’s cheek bones.

They grin at each other, heated smiles, and then Alec’s pulling Magnus with him. Away from the dance floor, away from most eyes.

They stumble down a dark corridor on the edge of the room and Magnus lets Alec guide him until his back hits the wall. Magnus is already reaching for him, pulling him close, and it’s a heady feeling to be the one he wants.

Magnus’s hips roll up to meet his and Alec’s gasp turns into a stuttered groan at the friction. Nothing matters so much as this and Alec knows he’s a hair's breadth from coming in his pants.

There are hands in his hair, running through messy locks and pulling, just the tiniest bit, and it goes straight to his dick, leaves him feeling lightheaded and like he’s about to burst.

Still while this is far from the first time Alec’s had a hookup at a club, he doesn’t want that here. It takes infinitely more willpower than he thought himself capable of but Alec pulls back-- almost immediately going back in when he sees Magnus, waiting and willing.

He ducks close so that his lips touch Magnus’s ear. He feels the shiver that wracks his boyfriend and grins.

“I think it’s time we headed home, don’t you?”

Magnus nods so fast he almost gives himself whiplash and then they’re both laughing as they stumble to the front of the club. They can’t keep their hands off each other and Alec finds that he doesn't want to.

Pandemonium is still crowded and they run into more people than he can count. Finally, though, cool air wraps around them as they make it to the front entrance.

As soon as they have the space, Alec’s spinning Magnus around. His arms are around his waist and the only thing he knows is the man in front of him.

They kiss and it’s a mess, even as drunk as he is, Alec knows that. It doesn't matter though because Magnus is kissing him back and then they’re tripping on the sidewalk. Pulling back just enough for a desperate breath, Alec tries to gain his equilibrium. He sees the limo down the block and tugs Magnus in that direction and in the back of his head he knows-- he knows-- that there have to be reporters around, that this will probably be plastered across the internet tomorrow but it’s just so good and Magnus is so hot and it seems a crime to think about anything else.

The partition is up when they fall into the backseat and Alec doesn’t waste time. Dave pulls away from the curb and they fall sideways on the seat, Alec on top of Magnus-- and then they’re laughing. And it’s so silly and they’re so drunk but it doesn’t matter because Alec has everything he ever wanted and it’s all in front of him.

They pick up right where they left off in the dark of the club and Magnus reaches for his pants. With a broad, deliberate stroke along his cock, he takes his time unzipping Alec’s pants and Alec would glare if it didn’t feel so goddamn good, if he had the breath to do anything but chant Magnus’s name in an endless stream of please and faster and fuck, babe, that feels so good.

After moments of agonizing anticipation, Magnus’s hand finally closes around his cock and Alec groans harshly in the silence of the car. Jesus Christ, he thinks and then he’s not thinking at all.

He gets enough wherewithal to undo Magnus’s pants and then he’s reaching for a compartment on the side of the limo, breaking the kiss to glare at the space when he can’t find what he needs.

Magnus glares at him in turn and Alec’s breath stalls in his chest at the look, at the way his eyes reflect the muted light. Finally his hand closes around a small bottle and Alec grins sharply.

It takes Magnus a moment but when he focuses on the object in his hands he laughs, even as his legs fall open wider, one foot planted on the floorboard to steady them.

“Really, Alexander?”

His voice is breathless, teasing but his eyes are trained on him-- on the bottle-- and Alec’s nodding even as he flicks it open.

“‘Course, babe. Always be prepared, that’s my motto.”

Magnus laughs out loud but it turns into a long, drawn out moan as Alec finally gets a hand around him, now warm and slick.

They shove their pants and underwear down and when Magnus arches up, their cocks slide together. It’s messy and when they run over a pothole it’s downright hazardous but they just press together more, seeking friction and that overwhelming, scorching heat.

Alec comes first, pressing desperate fingers into Magnus’s hips hard enough to bruise and it doesn’t take more than a dozen thrusts before Magnus is following him, spilling across their stomachs.

It takes several minutes for them to catch their breaths, both of them gasping harshly in the backseat. There’s a buzzing under Alec’s skin and even though he knows the mess between them will be annoying soon enough, he’s perfectly content for the moment as he places kisses across Magnus’s chest, over his heart.

Magnus slides hands through his hair and Alec lets out a little hum of happiness and the gentle scratch against this scalp.

It takes herculean effort but they manage to eventually sit up. Thankfully, Alec really had prepared for anything and they manage to clean everything up and straighten their clothes remarkably easily.

Dave doesn’t get out and Alec’s grateful. They make their stumbling way out of the car. It seems like they both want to be as close as possible and so they keep tripping over each other’s feet.

They fall against the back wall of the elevator eventually. Alec’s arm is over Magnus shoulder as his boyfriend leans against him and he turns his head, nosing along his hair before laying a soft kiss against his temple.

Everything’s hazy and slow. Looking through the balcony doors once they make it into the loft, Alec’s almost positive he can see the first traces of dawn in the dark sky.

His focus shifts as Magnus comes around to face him, smiling at him.

“Time for bed,” he asks lowly and Alec bites his lip at the promise in his voice.

Nodding, Alec follows him to the bedroom. Their clothes are taken care of quickly and then they’re falling into bed.

The energy from earlier is disappearing, being replaced by exhaustion. Alec’s eyes close of their own volition and he shivers as Magnus mouths over his collarbone, tongue dipping into the hollow of his throat.

He feels so close to falling asleep but he can’t, not when everything feels so good. Alec runs a hand down Magnus’s back, stroking his ass, urging him closer.

This second time is slow and sweet. Instead of frantic hands, there are lingering touches as the shadows in their bedroom grow shorter. Sighs replace groans and Alec feels like he’s sinking into the bed, like he could wake up at any moment just to discover everything’s been a dream.

The best dream.

He grins up at Magnus and sees the happiness that seems to be pouring through him in waves reflected in achingly warm brown eyes.

There are low words, murmurs they strain to hear. “I love you,” they both whisper and it’s quiet but no less profound, the way Alec’s heart surges in his chest.

Sunlight spills through the curtains when they finally fall asleep, wrapped around each other, a haphazard sheet pulled up to their waists.

[scrapsofsky]

I have once more (and a very long time ago) been challenged by Ian Sales to join him in our un-named war to come up with the best arbitrary list of films within an equally arbitrarily selected category. You can find previous iterations of this absurdity here, here, here, here, and here. We have, alas, not done this in a long while, which we can both blame on being busy with many other things.

But in the interest of rekindling silliness, I have been loosely challenged by Ian to come up with a list of 10 underrated SF/F films from the last 20 years, which is a direct response to this ScreenRant list. Since this list is in response to a link with a remarkably open prompt, I’ve opted to stick to the 10 item list format. Future challenges will go back to our favorite number:  5.

Ian, of course, has already dropped his list. Go check it out!

With that in mind, the following list of 10 films represent my attempt to put together films that I consider to be overrated. My criteria is fairly simple:

It must be a SF/F film released since 1999.

It must be underrated in the sense that it is underappreciated by the SF/F community or has largely been forgotten. Box office numbers may be part of the equation, but mostly I will go on my own interactions with the SF/F community and sadly arbitrary interpretations of what has been “lost” to everyday discourse.

I literally don’t care if the movies I pick are considered “good” by other people, and so I’ve picked films that I think are interesting for some reason or another. This inevitably means that you will hate my list and wish me to fall into a pit of endless fire.

So, without further adieu, here’s my list:

The Place Promised in Our Early Days (2004)(dir. Makoto Shinkai)

One of my first academic essay publications focused on this film, which should tell you how much I enjoy it. Kumo no Mukō, Yakusoku no Basho is, in my opinion, Makoto Shinkai’s magnum opus. A story of friendship, betrayal, and love. A story of the Cold War, imperial control, and out of control technology. Shinkai’s method of storytelling is remarkable:  low key and vibrant, emotionally tense and freeing. In a world where Hayao Miyazaki is considered the King of Japanese Animation, Shinkai’s work has sadly not received the appreciation it deserves — Kumo no Mukō, Yakusoku no Basho especially.

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)(dir. David Twohy)

I strongly considered putting 2000’s Pitch Black here instead, but I think that film, while perhaps a bit underrated today, has received considerable praise. Its sequel, The Chronicles of Riddick, however, has often been derided for one reason or another. Unfairly, in my opinion. From its Gothic (with a side of emo) aesthetic to its expansion of the Riddick universe into a sprawling space opera to its total commitment to the gritty, morally ambiguous treasure trove of dirty, grungy themes, places, and characters, The Chronicles of Riddick is easily one of my favorite science fiction films of the last 20-ish years. Plus, the cast is fantastic. This is a hill I’m willing to die on. (Also:  I look forward to checking out Furya and Merc City in the near future!)

Night Watch and Day Watch (2004 and 2006)(dir. Timur Bekmambetov)

I’m counting these as one because it’s my list and I can do what I want. This Russian duology is based on Sergey Lukyanenko urban fantasy novels about the conflict between two supernatural factions who monitor the actions of one another as part of an uneasy truce. Part detective thriller and part dark fantasy, the films pack quite a punch. However, outside of the circuit of foreign film lovers within SF/F, they’ve largely flown under the radar, this despite starring well known Russian actor Konstantin Khabensky. If you’ve never seen these films, you owe it to yourself to watch them, even if for no other reason than to watch someone drive a sports car across the face of an apartment complex!

Sunshine (2007)(dir. Danny Boyle)

I considered putting Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later here instead, but I don’t think that film is actually all that underrated even if it doesn’t get as much play today as it did a decade ago. Sunshine, however, has spent most of its existence floating between general praise for its visuals and premise and general dislike for its second act. And, yes, it is a spectacularly gorgeous film, but that second act is, in my opinion, far more interesting than most people are willing to admit. Turning a space thriller into a horror film as a commentary on the paradoxical frailty and strength of the human spirit is, in my opinion, a gutsy move. For me, that move pays off, and it’s one of the reasons I think this film has remained underrated. It doesn’t follow the pattern these stories usually follow. It’s basically Armageddon if that film took itself seriously and Rockhound actually went insane. And that makes it an infinitely more interesting film.

Upgrade (2018)(dir. Leigh Whannell)

If you didn’t get a chance to see Upgrade, you’re missing out. This sleeper scifi action thriller had some of the most compelling fight choreography and shot compositions of 2018, and yet it flew under the radar. I had the good fortune to see the film in theaters; the experience did not disappoint. Much of the fight choreography relied on some impressive camera trickery to follow the lead actor’s movements, giving the entire film a robotic and wonky feel. It’s truly exciting to watch, and I wish more people had had the opportunity to do so in an actual theater. Because it’s gorgeous on the big screen!

Push (2009)(dir. Paul McGuigan)

I will watch almost anything with Djimon Hounsou in it. Push is one of those forgotten little films that takes a less in-your-face approach to the whole super powers concept. In this world, people with powers are test subjects or hidden in plain sight, monitored by a nefarious organization with equally nefarious intents. By comparison to the typical superhero film we have today, Push is quite restrained, relishing in the quirks and trickery of its list of powers and giving actors like Dakota Fanning the space to place (watching her drunkenly stumble around is kinda fun). It’s an imperfect film to be sure, but one that I still love.

Hulk (2003)(dir. Ang Lee)

I’m going to catch hell for this, but Ang Lee’s Hulk is one of my favorite superhero movies to date. I even prefer it to that other Hulk film by a long mile. Lee does give us some of the stuff you expect from a superhero film (big fight scenes and visual spectacle), but I particularly love the softer focus on Banner and his mental state. It feels more like a film that is trying to say something about human nature than a film stuck in an endless action sequence or caught up in villainy for the sake of villainy. For me, that means the film takes more chances with its performance and themes. And I’m always more compelled by the film that tries to do something interesting and failed than I am by the alternative.

Another Earth (2011)(dir. Mike Cahill)

Independent cinema has a tendency to produce some truly introspective and powerful films. Another Earth is no exception. A film about loss, guilty, love, and second chances, Another Earth‘s science fiction premise (a mirror Earth) is really just background, offering an opportunity in the conclusion and lending weight to the central thematic of loss and guilt as the romance between the protagonists comes head-to-head with a secret that threatens to tear them apart. The narrative is at times quite haunting, but it also commands us to think more deeply about what it means to seek forgiveness, to seek second chances, to live with loss, and so on. And if you like this one, Sound of My Voice (2011) is a far creepier film about cults that also stars Brit Marling!

Dredd (2012)(dir. Pete Travis)

We will never get an adaptation of Judge Dredd that is as good as 2012’s Dredd. A vicious, unrelenting and dark film, Dredd is one of those films that desperately deserves more credit than it has thus far received. Karl Urban’s performance is textbook perfection, and Travis’ direction gives this a brutally honest tone. And unlike its predecessor adaptation, Dredd isn’t endlessly mockable; instead, it is a visually arresting satire that makes most action thrillers look tame. There are few films on this list that I would say are perfect. Dredd is one of them.

The Cat Returns (2002)(dir. Hiroyuki Morita)

Studio Ghibli gets a lot of well-deserved love for its many Hayao Miyazaki films (my favorite Miyazaki is actually Mononoke Hime / Princess Mononoke). But one film the studio doesn’t get enough credit for is the utterly delightful Neko no Ongaeshi / The Cat Returns (or The Cat’s Repayment). It’s an Alice in Wonderland type tale (or tail, heh) about a young girl who gets sucked into the secret world of cats. Calling this film delightful is an understatement. It is downright adorable, and it has been sadly overshadowed by Ghibli’s many other exceptional productions. But if you’re looking for a cute (and sometimes hilarious) fantasy adventure involving talking cats, The Cat Returns is the film for you.

And that’s it. That’s my list. I could add many other films here, but I’ve limited myself to ten.

Now for a challenge to Ian and anyone else who wants to take it:  pick your five favorite films featuring talking animals! Go!

It's time for another #FilmChallenge. @ian_sales challenged me to come up with 10 underrated SF/F films released between 1999 and 2019. So here's my list! :D I have once more (and a very long time ago) been challenged by Ian Sales to join him in our un-named war to come up with the best arbitrary list of films within an equally arbitrarily selected category.

[luvneedsnosyt]

My Favorite Albums of 2019

Here is my list of my personal top albums of 2019 You can find my separate list for top EPs of 2019 here.

My Previous monthly lists from 2019: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December

My list last year for my top albums of 2018 can be found here.

*Indicates someone I saw live in 2019

Honorable Mentions:

Anderson .Paak - Ventura Genre: Hip Hop / R&B/ Soul

Recorded at the same time as last year’s Oxnard, Ventura is the more tender and unassuming brother of the two. Despite the vulnerability this seems to be Anderson’s more comfortable persona. Focusing on love and feelings and other mushy stuff. The experimenting on this album between R&B, jazz, electronic music creates a glossy and elaborate form of hip hop. At times Anderson’s versatility can get a bit in the way on long form projects, here that creativity is perhaps the most channeled of his career.

Proof: Reachin’ 2 Much (Feat. Lelah Hathaway) / Chosen One (Feat. Sonyae)

Anna of the North - Dream Girl Genre: Synth-Pop

The tender and delicate music of Oslo singer Anna of the North is back following up her touching 2017 debut album. Anna’s music is not totally unassuming but is very subtle and reserved. You can take a moment to stop and feel the soothing vibes or you can pass it by and not notice. The synth based production is meant to provide a basis to get hips moving but also not to reach out and demand your attention in a needy way. Anna’s vocals are always warm and bouncy even when singing about sad subject matters.

Proof: My Love / Playing Games

Billie Eilish - WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? Genre: Synth-Pop

I stumbled on Billie Eilish’s “ocean eyes” single early on and instantly became a fan of her dark and brooding sound. It reminded me of the first time I heard The Weeknd. Even being an early subscriber it did surprise me a bit the vice grip the 18 year old would put on 2019. I knew she would find an audience with the undeniable talent for songwriting and impacting voice beyond her years. I did not foresee this low lit and frankly weird music hitting the mainstream with such a force, but I sure am glad it did. This is where I would say I can’t wait to see how she follows up this monster of debut album, but honestly she deserves to revel in the influence it is having and enjoy this moment. She will be around for however long she wishes to in the industry; that I am certain of.

Proof: bad guy / you should see me in a crown

BJ The Chicago Kid - 1123 Genre: R&B / Soul

It was a long time coming for hook provider BJ The Chicago Kid’s 2016 debut album In My Mind. He showed he can carry a solo project just fine. Now in 2019 he’s back for his victory lap with another soulful and sexy album that follows up his debut quite nicely. BJ is a bit of a throw back to the late 90’s/early 2000’s soul music which is right up my alley so you already know I ride for it with no qualms.

Proof: Rather Be With You / Reach (Feat. Afrojack)

Bon Iver - i,i Genre: Indie Pop / Folk

Justin Vernon’s band Bon Iver has created quite a robust cult following that’s very impressive off of four albums spanning over 12 years and in non-uniform song structures and themes. i,i might be the band’s most straightforward record, but that doesn’t mean there’s any downgrade in creativity and innovation. As always the case with Bon Iver albums your senses are confronted with multiple instruments and production tools used in traditional ways and used in ways you wouldn’t think of. Grooves are created then shifted and the only real constant is you don’t know what direction the music will go next. But that’s part of the joy and you know Justin Vernon is a trustworthy navigator on this expansive journey.

Proof: Hey, Ma / U (Man Like)

Bring Me the Horizon - amo Genre: Rock / Alternative

On their sixth album, the English rock group took experimentation and expansion seriously broadening their rock sound to new horizons (ok, that was bad). amo isn’t as much a departure for the alt-Metal group but more increasing their pallet to include more cross genre influences dipping into punk, pop, electronic and hip hop. There’s definitely risk with lofty exploration so suddenly in a band’s discography but BMTH pull it off rather elegantly here creating a unique blend that sounds a bit like a harder hitting Muse record. I am one to applaud audacious creative efforts to expand on ones sound if the motives seem pure; even when those attempts don’t quite work (Mumford & Sons - Babel, Jack White - Boarding House Reach, Coldplay - Everyday Life this year for instance). When they do stick the landing you can bet I am in awe.

Proof: in the dark / medicine

Circa Waves - What’s It Like Over There? Genre: Alternative / Rock

I will admit the English band hasn’t really been on my radar before this album, so I can’t ascribe how this album is different than their previous two albums (from what I've read it is very different though). What I do know if this is some of the best rock music to come out of 2019 in a year that wasn’t too kind to the genre. There are many emotional moments of this record that really bring levity to the glossy and cinematic music backdrops. There are two albums already announced in early 2020 from the group; they are definitely on my radar now.

Proof: Sorry, I’m Yours / Be Somebody Good

Chance The Rapper - Big Day Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

With how long he’s been around and how many Mixtapes and side projects Chance has dropped it’s pretty surprising this is his first ever official LP. When you wait that long and build (to his credit) the anticipation he has, a lot of weight gets put on that first album; unfortunately I feel that weight affected the product and swallowed it up a bit once released. Chance, I think, felt a responsibility to speak to his vast diversity we’ve seen over the years in sounds and flows. That resulted in a bit of a bloated and disjointed project. Something Chance projects always seem to have is a continuity despite their variety that seems to be absent here. Once the short coming are acknowledged there is some really great songs here with few missteps (although there are a few). Some more quality control, restraint and a concept to follow there are the makings of a possible top 10 of the year album here. My favorite moments are the nostalgic and 90’s R&B influences moments that sprinkle the album, a whole project with those as more a driving force could really be something special.

Proof: All Day Long (Feat. John Legend) / Zanies and Fools (Feat. Darius Scott & Nicki Minaj)

Dabin* - Wild Youth // Wild Youth (The Remixes) Genre: Electronic / Future Bass / Dance

Toronto multi-instrumentalist and electronic DJ Dabin returns with a sophomore album of more emotional and evocative electronic soundscapes. The melodic album flows smoothly through inspirational tracks of finding oneself coming to a climactic crescendo with the cinematic closer “Alive”. 

Proof: In Flames (Feat. Lexi Norton) / Alive (Feat. RUNN) // Part-Time Lover (Crystal Skies Remix) Feat. Claire Ridgely / Alive (Trvecta Remix) Feat. RUNN

Dermot Kennedy* - Without Fear Genre: Pop / Soul

Irish singer Dermot Kennedy’s voice comes in like a freight train straight for your ear drum. He sings with such evocative passion and force it is quite a sound to behold. That’s not to say Without Fear is all potent bellowing. Dermot on his soulful debut here has plenty of softer, tender moments as well.

Proof: Moment’s Passed / Redemption

Foals - Part 2: Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost Genre: Rock / Alternative

The second part of the English Rock bands 2-part album project this year is the louder and more aggressive sibling. The music is a bit less glossy and more gritty then it predecessor but still is quite refined in its ferociousness. I do prefer the more melodic first offering of the two but that doesn’t need to take away from how exhilarating this album is as well. 

Proof: The Runner / Neptune

GoldLink - Diaspora Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

With his second album, DMV rapper GoldLink dove deeper into his African roots with increased Afro-inspired production and themes. Diaspora is a fusion dish of of East coast Hip Hop base, with 90’s R&B notes, a sprinkle of Jazz, a dash of DC house and intermixing of traditional African qualities. It’s quite a vibrant and varied plateful!

Proof: Zulu Screams (Feat. Feat. Maleek Berry & Babi Bourelly) / More (Feat. Lola Rae)

Goldroom - Plunge /\ Surface Genre: Electronic / House / Dance

Returning from a brief hiatus after his debut album, 2016’s West of the West, Goldroom sneaked in at the end of November with one of the years most fun house records. The wait was definitely worth it for Goldroom fans. Plunge /\ Surface has a sense of wonder, discovery and joy that I think was quite well timed.

Proof: Do You Feel It Now (Feat. Love & Alexa) / Just Like A Dream (Feat. Nikki Segal)

Georgia Maq - Pleaser Genre: Synth-Pop / Alternative

My late addition to my already completed list is this surprising and electrifying debut solo project from the lead singer of Melbourne punk/Alternative group Camp Cope. Just slipping in with an early release right before my cut off date (for my own sanity). This album is nothing like the sound of her band though. Instead Georgia Maq looked to artists like Robyn, LCD Soundsystem and Cut Copy for her solo venture with some delightfully delicious 80′s synth vibes. Pleaser is dark and atmospheric but not devoid of brittle emotion and angst. 

Proof: Pleaser / Big Embarrassing Heart

Hozier* - Wasteland, Baby! Genre: Indie Pop / Soul / Folk

Years later, when looking back on Hozier’s career, we may look back at this album as a sort of turning point. The Irish singer through early EP’s and his debut album has always had a powerful form of soulful Folk music that moves people to many emotional states. But on this sophomore album Hozier seemed to figure something out. Incorporating a Motown feel into his music has unleashed it and his strong voice to a new level. Wasteland, Baby! Is a sentimental excursion through love, empowerment and hope.

Proof: Movement / Would That I

James Blake - Assume Form Genre: Progressive Pop / Electronic / Indie Pop

English producer and singer James Blake returns with his artful progressive form of pop music that only he can produce. Assume Form continues in his tradition of bending song structure and genres to his will to create powerful evocative landscapes to explore. The experimental artist keeps finding ways to push the boundaries while still making beautiful lush music to get lost in.

Proof: Barefoot in the Park (Feat. ROSALÍA) / Where’s The Catch? (Feat. Andre 3000)

Kevin Abstract - ARIZONA BABY Genre: Hip Hop

BROCKHAMPTON founding member drops off his third solo album which is a tender and impacting affair through the life of a figure in hip hop with a lot of hate sent to him, but a lot of love to send out. The openly gay rapper using this as a form of empowerment to let others who may be struggling know they have the power within themselves to make their life something of fulfillment.

Proof: Joyride / Mississippi

Kim Petras - TURN OFF THE LIGHT [Mixtape] Genre: Synth-Pop / House / Dance

Only a few months after dropping her debut album the new, exciting singer wants to keep us all guessing and elaborated on her Halloween EP from last year with this full mixtape. Her debut album is more Synth-Pop with some targeted EDM moments. This is a burst of haunting house music meant to get your heart rate pulsating and feet moving.

Proof: There Will Be Blood / Close Your Eyes

Mabel - High Expectations Genre: R&B / neo-Soul

British female R&B artists are having quite a moment right now. With the success of Jorja Smith, Ella Mai and RAYE last year to Sinead Harnett, Mahalia (it was seriously hard to take her off my list) and Mabel this year. Mabel has already had some hits from her 2017 mixtape Ivy to Roses, so this debute is quite a confident strut with tales of love, love lost and overcoming. The glossy production establishes a bouncy, beach vibe, probably influenced from her origins on the Mediterranean coast of Spain. Her stellar song writing is really what takes the attention throughout as every track has an ability to establish a connection with the listener quite effortlessly. 

Proof: Don’t Call Me Up / Mad Love

Maverick Sabre - When I Wake Up Genre: Pop / Soul

English/Irish singer Maverick Sabre returns with his third album that’s a unique and soulful jaunt. The 29 year old’s deep voice has a commanding and captivating effect on the listener throughout. The somewhat minimalist backing lets the potent voice and piercing song lyrics be the emotional driving force to great effect.

Proof: Slow Down (Feat. Jorja Smith) / Weakness

Rapsody - Eve Genre: Hip Hop

For her third album, Grammy nominated rapper Rapsody drops off quite a Tour de force of inspiration and empowerment. Every track is named after a black female icon that has influenced Rapsody. The North Carolina rapper’s lyrics flow and dense lyrics are top notch as always. The production has an increased levity to match the themes. Rapsody has gotten where she is from sheer will and strength within, now she's looking outward to inspirations to find her next step up the ladder.

Proof: Nina / Iman (Feat. SiR & JID)

The List:

Last One Out: Kim Petras - Clarity Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic

The debut album from German singer Kim Petras was a long time coming and the build up was quite a slow burn. Since 2017 the 27 year old singer started one by one dropping pretty exciting one-off singles (none of which show up here). To our surprise her first official project was a surprised-dropped Halloween themed EP in 2018 (that, as seen in my Honorable Mentions above, was released this year as a full mixtape). Finally in early 2019 we get Kim’s first full length album and the wait was well worth it. Clarity is an electric and glossy affair of lust, self love and female empowerment. Kim is on quite a tear right now from this to her features on other artists projects that I don’t see slowing down anytime soon.

Proof: Icy / Got My Number / Do Me / Another One

35. 88rising - Head in the Clouds II Genre: R&B / Hip Hop

LA based collective 88rising began as mostly Asian-American rap artists. As they went in a more serious direction with their music and label they began acquiring production and R&B talent that has elevated the output to something to really admire. In the early stages I was a bit dismissive of the artists but the last three years I have increasingly been won over. With the success of Joji’s 2018 solo album the collective chose to lean heavier into the electro-R&B sound on their second compilation album that is paying great dividends here. Head in the Clouds II is filled with spacey tender songs that inspire and captivate. The lessons and progressions everyone in the collective are making adds to my excitement with each release. 

Proof: Joji & GENERATIONS from EXILE TRIBE - Need Your Love / Jackson Wang & Higher Brother’s - Tequila Sunrise (Feat. AUGUST 08 & GoldLink) / RHYME SO - Just Used Music Again / NIKI - La La Lost You

34. Karen O* & Danger Mouse - Lux Prima Genre: Alternative / Indie Rock

Two of today’s icons collide on this collaboration album that probably should have happened years ago. Yeah Yeah Yeahs front singer Karen O has influenced so many of today’s alternative artists (especially women led ones), and it’s always a solid veteran karaoke bar move to put in “MAPS”. Meanwhile Danger Mouse has been a go-to producer in both hip hop and alternative and formed a few emblematic pairings on albums with MF Doom (as Danger Mask), CeeLo (as Gnarles Barkley) and James Mercer of The Shins (as Broken Bells). Together Karen and DM are a perfect pair. Karen is as potent as ever singing over a lush and intricate backdrops by the paws of Danger Mouse. 

Proof: Lux Prima / Turn the Light / Woman / Redeemer

33. Little Simz - GREY Area Genre: Hip Hop

London rapper comes in swinging with her powerful third full length album. Her flow is so measured and confident and firing on all cylinders here with no wasted syllables or breaths on any verse along the project. The song subject matters dive into some pretty personal and touching territory letting the listener into some intimate thoughts. At 25, we are witnessing an artist really come into their own and it is an inspirational and beautiful thing.

Proof: Offense / Boss / Venom / Pressure (Feat. Little Dragon)

32. Shura* - forevher Genre: Synth-Pop

For her second album, Shura used the same 80’s nostalgic electronic pallet of her debut but this time a bit more slowed tempo with a layer of added sensuality. While her marvelous 2016 debut, Nothing’s Real, focused on the angst of growing into young adulthood, finding ones self and feeling comfortable in your own skin (as she initially struggled coming out publicly as a lesbian artist). On forevher, Shura focuses more intimately on her own relationship. Many of the songs being inspired by precise moments in the relationship with her current girlfriend, there is a noticeable narrowing of the scope. The result is an incredibly tender offering that allows us a glimpse into the UK Singer’s warm heart. 

Proof: religion (u can lay your hands on me) / the stage / flyin’ / forever

31. A R I Z O N A - ASYLUM Genre: Synth-Pop

The New Jersey electro-pop band A R I Z O N A follows up their 2017 debut album nicely here. Maintaining their knack for writing catchy as hell hooks along enticing dance inducing electronic production. With features on both Don Diablo’s 2018 album Future and Avicii’s posthumous release, TIM, this year, the band’s notoriety seems to be on a steady incline. 

Proof: Nostalgic / Find Someone / Freaking Out / Still Alive

30. VÉRITÉ - new skin Genre: Pop

Brooklyn based singer VÉRITÉ returns with her sophomore album aimed right for all of your feels at once. VÉRITÉ’s sound is understated and delicate, yet packed with raw and identifiable emotions. There is a progression as well from Somewhere in Between with a noticeable bit more comfort in moments where she can let loose. new skin, doesn’t reach out and scream for your attention, but it is a rewarding and sentimental ride for those that give it.

Proof: good for it / body in my bed / think of me / gone

29. Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride Genre: Indie Rock / Alternative

Ezra Koenig and Vampire Weekend took their sweet time for their fifth album. Six years to be exact from 2013’s Modern Vampires of the City. Also in that time founding member Rostam left the group as a full time member (though still contributing to this album on a few songs). The time lapse and shifting of collaborators led to their most sprawling and experimental album to date. There are some swings that don’t quite connect but for the most part this is an exhilarating and unpredictable exploration by the band that is definitely worth the journey. 

Proof: Harmony Hall / This Life / How Long? / Sympathy

28. LÉON - LÉON Genre: Pop / Soul

When I saw this was Swedish singer LÉON’s debut I had to google to make sure. It’s been awhile since LÉON first popped on my radar with her beautiful and sultry tunes, but those have been from three EPs. The wait was well worth it for this angelic record of pleasant pop bops, one after another. These tracks make themselves right at home in your subconscious; taking their shoes off and checking what’s in your fridge. LÉON’s voice itself has a gentle nature to it coupled with a raspy, sensuality that is enduring and soothing. 

Proof: Lost Time / Falling / Hope Is A Heartache / You and I

27. MUNA - Save The World Genre: Synth-Pop

No sophomore slump for the American trio, MUNA here. Save The World is quite a refreshing progression from their tender 2017 debut. There’s a little more of a free feeling on this album that comes with increased confidence in their craft. The tracks are all incredibly catchy and easily stick with you well after first listen. “Stayway” is the shining jewel on the album and one of my most favorite tracks of 2019. 

Proof: Number One Fan / Stayaway / Never / Hands Off

26. Foals - Part 1: Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost / Part 1: Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost (Remixes) Genre: Rock / Alternative

The 1st part of English rock band’s 2-album project comes in like a Indy Car full speed for subconcious. The unique melding if Synth based beats and guitar driven grooves creates an enticing energetic sound you can get lost in. Part 2 was a big more reaching and aggressive, where Part 1 had more of a basis track to track that I felt made it the stronger outputting of the two. 

Proof: Exits / White Onions / In Degrees / On The Luna // In Degrees (Purple Disco Machine Remix) / Syrups (Vincent Taurelle Remix) / Exits (Lawrence Hart and Little Clubs Remix) / Exits (George FitzGerald Remix)

25. Denzel Curry - ZUU Genre: Hip Hop

Denzel Curry has always had promise to me with his frantic delivery. There were meaningful lyrics there and more focused passion than most of his peers his age in hip hop. The trick was channeling that boiling emotion for the rapper, that he struggled with early. Last year’s TA13OO was the first hint the 24 year old was starting to get this balance in his music. Only ten months later we see a fully formed Denzel with the directed missile that is ZUU. There aren’t many wasted moments here as Denzel focuses on what he needs to say and the most effective way to say it. All the while also making track after track meant to be played at the loudest decibel possible; that all smack the concrete with aggression and no remorse. 

Proof: ZUU / RICKY / BIRDZ (Feat. Rick Ross) / CAROLMART (Feat. Ice Billion Berg)

24. Tei Shi - La Linda Genre: R&B / Soul

For those of us following Tei Shi’s career since her early EP days there is a definite increase in her confidence as an artist on this sophomore album. The Argentina-born Colombian artist’s beautiful melodies flow at their own pace with a delicate precision and grace. Tei Shi’s low lit sounds lives in a mellow and assured range making the pockets where she lifts her voice that much more impacting. There’s both a layer of innocence and care as well as a level of empowerment and self-assured sex appeal in her vocals that are impossible to not get enthralled with.

Proof: Alone in the Universe / Even If It Hurts (Feat. Blood Orange) / When He’s Done / A Kiss Goodbye

23. Sigrid - Sucker Punch Genre: Pop

23 year old Norwegian singer Sigrid burst on the scene with her successful debut EP in 2017, and it’s been an effective upward trajectory since. Another EP came out in 2018 before this marvelous debut album. Sucker Punch packs quite a punch of delightfully infectious and identifiable jams. There is an ease to the charismatic mood of this album that shows how genuine Sigrid is with every song written. This young singer has some definite longevity ahead of her in the pop world.

Proof: Basic / Strangers / Don’t Feel Like Crying / Don’t Kill My Vibe

22. Charli XCX - Charli Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic

After her sophomore album, 2014’s Sucker, English singer Charli XCX stated she felt a bit restricted in her solo career and decided to break out of the standard production method. A whole album was made but leaked online and Charli decided to scrap the project and began tinkering with her music more. During this period first came the 2016 collaboration EP with the producer SOPHIE, Vroom Vroom. Then in 2017 came two mixtapes. It was these two mixtapes Charli started realizing how she can warp and bend music to her will. Her production became more of a unique melding of dancey Synth-Pop with abrasive Electronic sounds. Her hooks were still top notch but the song structure began to become more of a free flowing organism then a structured framework. Taking what she learned from SOPHIE, and the two mixtapes into her third album, Charli is a project of abundance and unfiltered passion. The feelings are real and human but are focused into a diamond and refracted out into numerous directions. The description sounds chaotic but there still is a very controlled nature to the chaos of this vibrant pop. Charli has found a way to manipulate pop music to contort like a complicated yoga stance. She's Neo from The Matrix. I suggest just plugging in and letting the complex machine she built take you away.

Proof: Gone (w/ Christine and the Queens) / Blame It On Your Love (Feat. Lizzo) / Silver Cross / February 2017 (Feat. Clairo & Yaeji)

21. Bishop Briggs - CHAMPION Genre: R&B / Pop / Soul

Less than 18 months after her roaring debut album, British singer Bishop Briggs is back with her sophomore effort. CHAMPION is a bit more subdued than last year’s Church of Scars, but still the centerpiece is the powerful vocals. My only critique is that I feel the short timeline of this project when I listen. I don’t know the reason for such a short turn around, but some of the songs don’t feel as fleshed out as its predecessor that was years in the making. Despite that critique, this is still a beautiful and authoritative collection of power ballads meant to inspire and embolden.

Proof: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? / CHAMPION (Feat. Tom Morello)  / LONELY / WILD

20. Lizzo - Cuz I Love You Genre: R&B / Hip Hop

Detroit singer/rapper Lizzo has been around a few years now, but her third album was definitely her break out to insurmountable success and admiration. Songs like “Coconut Oil”, “Good As Hell” and “Water Me” (added on the deluxe version of this album) would get some attention, especially after featured on television shows. But in 2019 the stars aligned for Lizzo’s take over. Despite the increase in notoriety (to now include the backlash from people tired of her) let’s not overshadow that this music and its message is worthy of the attention. Lizzo’s dramatic and vibrant mixture of R&B, Hip Hop, Soul, Jazz, Funk and Gospel wrapped in a fast paced train with the breaks cut is quite the exhilarating experience. This coupled with her unapologetic message of self love and respect created quite the energetic Molotov cocktail for her to throw in our ears and get our bodies up and moving. Those that may be tired of her, well either learn to ignore or deal with it, because Lizzo is not going anywhere anytime soon.

Proof: Cuz I Love You / Jerome / Tempo (Feat. Missy Elliott) / Water Me

19. Tory Lanez - Chixtape 5 [Mixtape] Genre: R&B / Hip Hop

Having now established himself in the industry with three albums. Tory decided to take a trip back to his beginnings with this album/mixtape drop. Early in his career, Tory had four Chixtape mixtapes that were all influenced by the late 90’s/early 2000’s R&B Tory was raised on. For the fifth entry, and first since he has become established, Tory took this to a whole new level not only directly sampling classics from that timeline but also featuring the artists themselves. The result is a blast of nostalgia and sexy-ass grooves that I dare your hips to stay still the whole hour. I haven’t heard a lot of Tory’s early catalog but since his debut album this is solidly my favorite project by the Canadian Singer. The nostalgia is a bit of a crutch but that doesn’t make this project any less successful or enjoyable. I am squarely in the wheelhouse of who this is made for so there is a bias here but this was probably my most fun first listening experience of the year. 

Proof: The Trade (Feat. Jagged Edge & Jermaine Dupri) / Beauty in the Benz (Feat. Snoop Dogg) / Still Waiting (Feat. Trey Songz) / If You Gotta… (Feat. Fabolous)

18. Mark Ronson - Late Night Feelings Genre: R&B / Pop

2015’s Uptown Special with the mega-hit “Uptown Funk” was a whirlwind for Mark Ronson’s career as a solo artist. Already a prolific producer behind the boards of some of the most important albums over the last 15 years, Ronson’s solo career has been a bit under the radar until 2015. Which is why the about-face from glitz and abundance to a tender collection of songs about heartbreak is a bit of a surprise. But not a surprise I am mad about. The infectious, dancey funk we know from Ronson is still very much present on Late Night Feelings, but wrapped in a blanket of anguish only broken love can bring. Despite it’s more subtle and depressing themes, Ronson has stated this is the solo album he has spent the most time creating and that level of care is very apparent. 

Proof: Late Night Feelings (Feat Lykke Li) / Find U Again (Feat. Camila Cabello) / Pieces Of Us (Feat. King Princess) / Why Hide (Feat. Diana Gordon)

17. Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell! Genre: Pop / Soul

My long time admiration for Lana’s artistry and craft are well documented on here. Happening on her homemade “Video Games” video on YouTube was one of the catalysts to creating this blog. A memory I will always cherish is seeing her in 2011 at the Troubadour in Hollywood when she only had about 6 songs on YouTube to sing. Now, six albums later her music still is some of the most moving and affecting out there for me. Norman Fucking Rockwell! Is probably Lana’s most consistent and assured record since Ultraviolence. Lyrics wise this may be her most crisp ever. 

Proof: Venice Bitch / Fuck it I love you / The greatest / Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but I have it

16. Seven Lions* - Ophelia Volume 1 Genre: Electronic / Trance / Dance

Prolific electronic producer Seven Lions has long been one of my favorite artists. 2018 and 2019 have been excitingly very busy years for the Californian DJ/Producer. Starting his own label Ophelia Records in 2018, 7L has used it as an opportunity to seek out great up and coming electronic artists like Crystal Skies, Jason Ross, MitiS, Trivecta, Wooli and others as well as collaborate with other greats in the game such as Above and Beyond, Dabin, SLANDER, NGHTMRE and Gryffin. Ophelia Volume 1 is a collection of many of the singles released by 7L over the last two years and is quite the gripping burst of excitement and emotions. This compilation album shows off what is 7L’s best musical attributes. His diversity in sound, effortlessly switching between many subgenres, including Trance, Future Bass, Dubstep, Drum and Bass, from song to song, sometimes making a switch within a single song. The other aspect is 7L’s deliberate and effective use of dead space to create a moment of floating before a bellowing drops knocks your ass back down to earth. His pockets of tranquility make these tracks more living and breathing forms of passion and sentiment than normally associated with the mechanical genre.

Proof: Start Again (Feat. Fiora) / Ocean (w/ Jason Foss Feat. Jonathan Mendelsohn) / First Time (w/ SLANDER & Dabin Feat. Dylan Matthew) / Dreamin’ (Feat. Fiora) // Bonus: See The End (w/ Above & Beyond Feat. Opposite The Other)

15. Gallant - Sweet Insomnia Genre: alt-R&B / Soul

The soulful and sultry vocals of Gallant return with another steamy alt-R&B soiree. The overall vibe is a bit more mellow than his thunderous 2016 debut Ology. The main driving force is still the forceful emotion driven vocals from the American singer. R&B has been a genre pulled into various directions over the last 8 or so years, sometimes for good, sometimes at it’s detriment. Gallant and his potent falsetto is a nostalgic artist in 2019 pointing to the late 90’s, early 2000’s neo-soul movement. Fans of artists like Musiq Soulchild, Maxwell, Raheem Devaughn and of course D’Angelo will get some warm feelings from Gallant’s seductive grooves. 

Proof: Crimes / Hurt / Compromise (Feat. Sabrina Claudio) / Céline

14. G Flip - About Us Genre: Pop

Melbourne multi-instrumentalist and singer Georgia Flipo, or G-Flip, introduces herself with this tender and moving debut. About Us is sort of an autobiographical story about Georgia and her girlfriend over a five year span that includes a break up and eventually make up. Georgia’s vocals are both commanding and approachable. The song writing is effortlessly relatable and potent in the life of love. Georgia would write most of the instrument riffs and have others play it during recording but the most unsung hero is her command of the instrument she first learn and played herself; the drums. The emotional impact and intensity of these songs all get magnified in the later stages when Georgia grabs the sticks and begins going to town. About Us is both a subtle piece of pop yet also a cinematic and emotionally captivating one. 

Proof: Lover / I Am Not Afraid / Morning / About You

13. Becky Hill - Get To Know Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic / Dance

After being a semi-finalist on The Voice UK, the potent and soulful vocals of UK singer Becky Hill has become a go-to feature in the European house world. Becky’s commanding voice is a perfect compliment to house production to not be overpowered and bring a level of vivacity and vitality to the composition. Get To Know is a compilation of those features and one-off singles from the last three years to get more people familiar with Becky as she takes more creative control of her solo career. I’m expecting much more to come from the singer in 2020; so keep an eye and both ears out.

Proof: I Could Get Used To This (w/ Weiss) / Piece of Me (w/ MK) / Sunrise in the East / False Alarm (w/ Matoma)

12. BANKS - III Genre: alt-R&B / Pop

On her third album, singer BANKS is showing off an impressive increase in prowess and courage in her music. Although, I still really enjoyed BANKS sophomore album The Altar, there were some growing pains visible in it. III on the other hand comes out much more competent, coherent and confident. The noticeable addition of Hudson Mohawke’s production and influence is one of the most noticeable additions. His powerful distorted synthed-out drums gives quite a thunderous backdrop for BANKS sultry vocals to sway back and forth through. The song writing has notably continued to get even better for someone that already had quite the skill at. I’ve followed BANKS since she only had a couple songs out on SoundCloud and the journey has been quite a rewarding one for us fans. 

Proof: Gimme / Look What You’re Doing To Me (Feat. Francis & The Lights) / Propaganda / The Fall

11. Gryffin* - Gravity Genre: Electronic / Dance

Success has come rapidly for Gryffin, releasing his first original song only four years ago. Despite that short time, there is a level of sophistication to Gryffin’s blending of house and pop music that feels like the work of a veteran. It helps he has really filled up his phone contacts with some of today’s top Electronic producers and rising pop singers to collaborate with. Gryffin’s debut is quite a reflective and illuminating galaxy of deep emotions and expression. Every song on Gravity has identifiable passion and sentiments while enclosed in a glitzy exterior; feelings with strobe lights. It’s been over two years since the first song from this album “Nobody Compares to You” was released showing Gryffin has the ability to make us really feel emotions while also bust out dancing. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go have a good cry in the club.

Proof: All You Need To Know (w/ SLANDER Feat. Calle Lehmann) / Baggage (w/ Gorgon City & AlunaGeorge) / Hurt People (w/ Aloe Blacc) / Nothing Compares To You (Feat. Katie Pearlman)

10. Maggie Rogers - Heard It In A Past Life Genre: Pop

A chance encounter with Pharrell that went viral was what started Maggie’s career, but she took her time with this debut to make sure that one video wasn’t all that defines it. Heard It In A Past Life is a subtle flex of the new singer’s musical dexterity. On the surface the tracks all flow at a mellow cohesive pace. Maggie’s soft and sensual vocals are the first thing you appreciate when listening. When you give a little deeper of a dive you realize the strong themes Maggie is conveying as well as a sophisticated diversity in her sound that’s more than originally meets the ear.

Proof: Give A Little / The Knife / Alaska / Say It / On + Off // Bonus: Love You For A Long Time

9. Nick Murphy - Run Fast Sleep Naked Genre: Indie Pop / Electronic

On his second release (first full length album) since changing his name from Chet Faker to his real name Nick Murphy, the Australian artist has some new tricks up his sleeve. Run Fast Sleep Naked is a more expansive sound then his Chet Faker beginnings and we are all quite rewarded by it. The subtle Synth-Indie pop melding is still present. But there always was a form of restraint in his early work that Nick has seemed to let go more of here allowing his emotion to burst out at key moments a bit unfiltered and untethered. 

Proof: Harry Takes Drugs On The Weekend / Sanity / Yeah I Care / Never No / Dangerous

8. Madeon - Good Faith Genre: Electronic / Synth-Pop / Dance

2019 has been an interesting year of growth for EDM. With artists like Big Wild, ILLENIUM, Goldroom, GRiZ, Flux Pavilion and others showing some added depth, discovery and diversity in their sounds. That is continued here with Madeon’s four years in the making follow up to his 2015 debut album Adventure. His first album was quite a glorious introduction but very steeped in the bold and at times lumbering mechanical nature of Electronic music, but with this follow up there is a dramatic divergence. Good Faith is quite a romp through R&B, Gospel and Funk influenced synth wonderlands meant to inspire souls and entice movement. The French producer created a lush world to wonder around, despite being Electronic music, that is devoid of any plasticity for organic and visual expression. The closing two minutes are completely devoid of vocals, yet still packs a powerful emotional punch, leaving you wanting to instantly hit replay.

Proof: Dreams Dreams Dreams / All My Friends / Nirvana / No Fear No More / Borealis

7. Tyler, The Creator - IGOR Genre: alt-R&B / Hip Hop

After a frustrating start to his career I saw some of the promise in Tyler, The Creator come to life on his 2015 third album Cherry Bomb. By 2017 Tyler had found his sweet spot with the marvelous Flower Boy. Being someone always eager to learn and grow on his craft, Tyler didn’t remain in that sweet spot, instead abruptly left it in his rearview mirror for his follow up in the daring IGOR. Long gone are the low-fi, abrasive hip hop vernacular of Bastard, Goblin and Wolf here. Instead, Tyler created a unique and colliding world of R&B, Hip Hop, Funk and Synth-Pop. Further showing his evolution Tyler tells a heartfelt story across the album of a man, Tyler, dating another man, who’s also dating his ex-girlfriend. When Tyler tells his feelings for his lover,  which results in him starting to drift back to his ex-girlfriend, leading to heartbreak for Tyler. The character Igor represents the negative tendencies of Tyler, as his heart is broken and begins to take over throughout the album’s duration. Coming out the other side the album ends with sadness, but still with a level of hope that I’m sure anybody can relate to who’s had their heart broken.

Proof: IGOR’S THEME (Feat. Lil Uzi Vert) / EARFQUAKE (Feat. Playboy Carti & Charli Wilson) / I THINK (Feat. Solange & Ryan Betty) / A BOY IS A GUN* / WHAT’S GOOD (Feat. Slowthai)

6. SebastiAn - Thirst Genre: Electronic / Synth-Pop

8 years after his debut album, the French producer is ready to step out from the background again with this thrilling collection of bold electronic pop. Known best to the general for working with Frank Ocean on his Endless album (and being the voice on “Facebook Story” on Blonde), SebastiAn has also worked extensively with Daft Punk, Kavinsky, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Beastie Boys, Block Party and others over the years. Thirst is a wild ride in a dark dystopian pop landscape that has a tough exterior but a tender interior. The features from pop and R&B are expertly placed among the distorted and thunderous production. The industrial feel may seem a bit artificial at first, but there is an organic heartbeat under the mechanical exoskeleton worth exploring.

Proof: Doorman (Feat. Syd) / Better Now (Feat. Mayer Hawthorne) / Pleasant (Feat. Charlotte Gainsbourg) / Sober (Feat. Bakar) / Run for Me (Feat. Gallant)

5. Khalid - Free Spirit Genre: Pop / R&B / Soul

I gushed on both my last two year lists about Khalid with his debut album and last year’s EP; all that is still very much relevant in 2019. Khalid is one of today’s top young talents. His evocative voice can fit into so many different environments. Straight Pop, R&B, Hip Hop, Country, EDM, Rock, Khalid’s voice is quite the emotive chameleon. His own albums are a bit more straightforward pop and R&B that with every release keeps getting more polished and evolved with his songwriting. Already at 21 the singer has become a go-to for album features and movie soundtracks; I don’t expect this to change for quite some time.

Proof: Better / Talk / Right Back / Outta My Head (w/ John Mayer) / Twenty One

4. Big Wild - Superdream Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic / Dance

To many fans of the EDM scene Big Wild has been well known before his debut album dropped. The producer was one the first signees to ODESZA’s label after dropping multiple great remixes. His debut EP last year only increased his notoriety. What we didn’t know if he had a different plan for his sound that would be introduced to the world on this sneaky debut full length. Superdream still has plenty of his EDM beginnings throughout but interwoven in a much more complex package then we anticipated. Notes of 70’s/80’s pop to 90’s R&B make a surprisingly profound presence dancing through the intersecting synths and drums. Big Wild sings more than he ever has in a soft hushed tone that glides his bold production so smoothly. The Electronic genre is in the middle of quite a renaissance currently and yet more creative artists like Big Wild keep showing up and taking the sound to new directions we haven’t seen before.

Proof: Joypunks / 6’s to 9’s (Feat. Rationale) / No Words / Maker / She Makes Magic

3. ILLENIUM* - ASCEND Genre: Electronic / Future Bass / Dance

Denver DJ ILLENIUM found quite a sweet spot on his 2017 sophomore album, Awake, with his euphoric electronic music. Anybody who claims EDM is all plasticity without emotion that other music genres can evoke, I dare you to listen to Awake and not feel the raw human emotion bursting with every dramatic drop. However, Nicolas Miller was not complacent and has expanded his sound in 2019. Taking some inspiration no doubt from the late great Avicii, there’s plenty of experimenting with genres both externally and internally to the EDM landscape. With great ease, effort care and skill the tracks maneuver from Pop/Future Bass to House to Trance, to R&B to Country/Rock to Dubstep. The emotions continue to be the driver with tracks about love, heartbreak, feeling lost and even Miller’s opening up about his past issues with drug abuse. The Jon Bellion assisted “Good Things Fall Apart” and Chainsmokers partnered “Takeaway” are the tracks most people go in knowing, but powerful tracks like the lightning bolt opener “Hold On” to the Rock/Dubstep powerhouse of “Pray” to the R&B Ear drum slapper that's “Gorgeous” steal the listeners attention through this whirlwind of melodic feels.

Proof: Hold On (w/ Georgia Ku) / Good Things Fall Apart (w/ Jon Bellion) / Pray (Feat. Kameron Alexander) / Gorgeous (w/ Bipolar Sunshine & Blanke) / Lonely (w/ Chandler Leighton) // Bonus: Ekali & ILLENIUM - Hard To Say Goodbye (Feat. Chloe Angelides)

2. Nilüfer Yanya* - Miss Universe Genre: Indie Rock / Alternative / R&B

It could be too easy to take Nilüfer Yanya’s sensual music for granted, but those that pay close attention are very much rewarded. Her subtle and mellow melodies can slip into the background but by the time her infectious choruses hit you may find your shoulders swaying and feet tapping without thinking about it. The UK Born new artist has such an effortless feel to her genre melding sound of soul and indie pop. Her unique, raspy voice among the groovy, plucky guitar riffs has an ability to relay emotions while also keeping a veil of mystery. Miss Universe is probably 2019’s most consistent record, no song is out of place in this whole strong debut album. 

Proof: In Your Head / Paralysed / Angels / Tears / Heavyweight Champion of the Year

1. Labrinth - Imagination & the Misfit Kid Genre: Pop / alt-R&B

Sometimes it takes some time to find your comfortably and inspiration. English singer Labrinth’s debut album was released over seven years ago. In the time since the powerful voice, proficient productions or potent pen of the singer would pop up here and there with one-off singles, song features ("Losers” with The Weeknd off Beauty Behind The Madness was one great one), production or writer credits. 2019 though was quite the change in pace. The marathon of a year started with forming the supergroup and dropping the debut album of LSD with Sia and Diplo. Labrinth then was the lead composer on the music score for one of the year's best new shows on HBO’s “Euphoria”. This all was cultivated with this magnificent and expressive sophomore effort. Imagination & the Misfit Kid is a layered project of the many influences Labrinth has picked up over his lifetime packaged together in something innovative yet also familiar. On the surface the music is pretty crowd pleasing pop but when dissected more there's rich notes of music genres colliding including R&B, Gospel, Blues, UK Hip Hop and Electronic ingredients. The production is its own cunning beast, at times it is muted and let’s the great voice of Labrinth take the reins, only to come thundering in to smack you in the temple. There’s an obvious cinematic theme carried through in the songs that is driven home with the song titles and short skits. Labrinth is tapping into your ears while making a visual art piece. One you’re meant to close your eyes and let the melodies and lyrics help you visualize. “Can’t tell me the world don’t mind, a miracle.”

Proof: Miracle / Dotted Line / All For Us (w/ Zendaya) / Something’s Got To Give / Where The Wild Things Are / Oblivion (Feat. Sia) // Bonus: Don’t Fence Me In

Others:

Good: Aaron Aye - F.E.A.R., Ada Lea - what we say in private, Africa Express - EGOL, AJ Tracey - AJ Tracey, AKON - Akonda, The Alchemist - Yacht Rock 2, Aldous Harding - Designer, Alex Cameron - Miami Memory, Algee Smith - atl, Alice Merton - Mint, Allen Stone - Building Balance, Allie X - Super Sunset (Analog), The Amazons - Future Dust, Andrew Combs - Ideal Man, Angel Olsen - All Mirrors, Angie Stone - Full Circle, Ann Marie - Pretty Psycho, Anna Wise - As If It Were Forever, Ardalan - Mr. Good, Ari Lennox - Shea Butter Baby, Ariana Grande - thank u, next, Armin van Buuren - Balance, A$AP Ferg - Floor Seats, Asiahn - Love Train 2, Audien - Escapism, AURORA - A Different Kind of Human, avery r. young - tubman., Avicii - TIM, A1 - Turbulence, Baby Rose - To Myself, Bad Bunny - X 100PRE, Barrie - Happy to Be Here, Bastille - Doom Days, Bat For Lashes - Lost Girls, Bazzi - Soul Searching, Beast Coast - Escape from New York, Beck - Hyperspace, Becky G. - MALA SANTA, Beirut - Gallipoli, Berhana - HAN, Better Oblivion Community Center - Better Oblivion Community Center, Betty Who - Betty, Beyoncé - The Lion King: The Gift [Music Inspired by the Motion Picture], Big K.R.I.T. - K.R.I.T. IZ HERE, Big K.R.I.T. - TDT, Big Thief - Two Hands, Big Thief - U.F.O.F., Black Belt Eagle Scout - At The Party With My Brown Friends, The Black Keys - “Let’s Rock”, Black Milk - DiVE, bLAck pARty - Endless Summer, blackbear - ANONYMOUS, Blaq Tuxedo - Blaq Tuxedo, Blaqk Audio - Only Things We Love, Blasterjaxx - Perspective, Bleached - Don’t You Think You’ve Had Enough?, Blood Orange - Angel’s Pulse [Mixtape], Blu & Oh No - A Long Red Hot Los Angeles Summer Night, Boogie - Everything’s for Sale, Boy Harsher - Careful, Boy Harsher - Country Girl Uncut, Boy Scouts - Free Company, Brittany Howard - Jaime, BROCKHAMPTON - GINGER, Broods - Don’t Feed The Pop Monster, Brother Ali - Secrets & Escape, Bun B & Statik Selektah - TrillStatik [Mixtape], Burna Boy - African Giant, Busy Signal - Parts of the Puzzle, Caamp - By and By, Cage The Elephant - Social Cues, Camila Cabello - Romance, Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated, Caroline Polacheck - PANG, Casey Veggies - Organic, Casey Veggies & Rockie Fresh - Fresh Veggies [Mixtape], Cashmere Cat - PRINCESS CATGIRL, Cassius - Dreems, Catching Flies - Silver Linings, Cehryl - Slow Motion, The Chainsmokers - World War Joy, Charly Bliss - Young Enough, Chase & Status - RTRN II JUNGLE, Chelsea Wolfe - Birth of Violence, The Chemical Brothers - No Geography, Cherry Glazer - Stuffed & Ready, Childish Major - Dirt Road Diamond, Chinatown Slalom - Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, Choosey & Exile - Black Beans, Chris Brown - Indigo, Chris Lorenzo - Late Checkout, Chris Staples - Holy Moly, Chromatics - Closer To Grey, Ciara - Beauty Marks, Cigarettes After Sex - Cry, City and Colour - A Pill for Loneliness, Citizen Cope - Heroin and Helicopters, Clairmont The Second - The Second’s Do You Drive?, Clairo - Immunity, clipping. - There Existed an Addiction to Blood, Cold War Kids - New Age Norms 1, Coldplay - Everyday Life, Collie Buddz - Hybrid, Common - Let Love, Cross Record - Cross Record, Crumb - Jinx, Crystal Fighters - Gaia & Friends, Cuco - Para Mi, Curren$y & Statik Selektah - Gran Turismo, CZARFACE & Ghostface Killa - Czarface Meets Ghostface, DaBaby - KIRK, Damar Jackson - U2, Dame D.O.L.L.A. - Big D.O.L.L.A., Danny Brown - uknowhatimsaying¿, Dave East - Survival, David B - BLEU, Dawn Richard - New Breed, Deadmau5 - here’s the drop, Deadmau5 - Polar (Music from the Netflix Film), Deaton Chris Anthony - BO Y, Deerhunter - Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared?, Delta Heavy - Only In My Dreams, Dermot Kennedy* - Dermot Kennedy, Devin Morrison - Bussin’, DIIV - Deceiver, Dillon Francis - Magic Is Real [Mixtape], Dizzy Fae - NO GMO [Mixtape], DJ Khaled - Father of Asahd, DJ Shadow - Our Pathetic Age, DJ Snake - Carte Blanche, Doja Cat - Hot Pink, Dope Lemon - Smooth Big Cat, Dounia - THE SCANDAL, Drake - Care Package, Drax Project - Drax Project, Dreamville & J. Cole - Return of the Dreamers III, Dreezy - Big Dreez, DROELOE* - A Promise Is Made, The Drums - Brutalism, DUCKWRTH - THE FALLING MAN, Earl Sweatshirt - FEET OF CLAY, EARTHGANG - Mirrorland, Ed Sheeran - No. 6 Collaborations Project, Electric Guest - KIN, Electric Youth - Memory Emotion, ELHAE - Trouble In Paradise, Elle Varner - Ellevation, Emeli Sandé - REAL LIFE, Emmavie - Honeymoon, Emily Wells - The World Is Too ___ For You, Eric Bellinger - Cuffing Season 3, Eric Bellinger - Saved by the Bellinger [Mixtape], Eric Bellinger - The Rebirth 2, E-40 - Practice Makes Paper, Fabolous - Summertime Shoot 3: Coldest Summer Ever [Mixtape], The Faint - Egowerk, Fantasia - Sketchbook, FEELS - Post Earth, FIDLAR - Almost Free, Fitz & The Tantrums - All The Feels, FKA twigs - MAGDALENE, The Flaming Lips - The King’s Mouth: Music and Songs, Flume - Hi This Is Flume [Mixtape], Flying Lotus - Flamagra, Frances Cone - Late Riser, Frankie Cosmos - Close It Quietly, Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - Bandana, FRENSHIP* - Vacation, Freya Ridings - Freya Ridings, Friendly Fires - Inflorescent, Froth - Duress, The Game - Born 2 Rap, Gang Starr - One of the Best Yet, GASHI - GASHI, Gary Clark Jr. - This Land, Gena Rose Bruce - Can’t Make You Love Me, Gesaffelstein - Hyperion, The Get Up Kids - Problems, Giggs - BIG BAD…, girlpool - What Chaos Is Imaginary, The Glorious Sons - A War on Everything, gnash - we, Goo Goo Dolls - Miracle Pill, grandson - a modern tragedy vol. 3, GRiZ - Ride Waves, GTA - La Nueva Clásica (Remixes), Gus Dapperton - Where Polly People Go to Read, HÆLOS - Any Random Kindness, half●alive - Now, Not Yet, , Hatchie - Keepsake, Hayden James - Between Us, Hayden James - Between Us (Remixes), The Head and the Heart - Living Mirage, Headie One - Music x Road [Mixtape], Helado Negro - This Is How You Smile, Hermitude - Pollyanarchy, Hibou - Haive, Higher Brothers - Five Stars, Hobo Johnson - The Fall of Hobo Johnson, Holly Herndon - PROTO, Hoodie Allen - Whatever USA, Hot Chip - A Bath Full of Ecstasy, Ida Mae - Chasing Light, IDER - Emotional Education, IDK - Is He Real?, Iggy Azalea - In My Defense, India.Arie - Worthy, Ingrid Michaelson - Stranger Songs, Injury Reserve - Injury Reserve, Intellexual - Intellexual, Isaac Dunbar - balloons don’t float here, Isabella - 12 Angels, J Balvin & Bad Bunny - OASIS, Jack & Jack - A Good Friend Is Nice, JackLNDN - Thoughts, Jacob Latimore - Connection2, Jacquees - King of R&B, Jacques Greene - Dawn Chorus, Jade Bird - Jade Bird, Jai Wolf - The Cure To Loneliness, Jamie Cullum - Taller, James Blunt - Once Upon A Mind, Jamila Woods - LEGACY! LEGACY!, The Japanese House - Good At Falling, Jax Jones - Snacks, Jay Som - Anak Ko, Jayda G - Significant Changes, Jaden - ERYS, JAY1 - One Wave, Jenny Hval - The Practice of Love, Jenny Lewis - On The Line, J-E-T-S - Zoospa, Jidenna - 85 to Africa, Joell Ortiz - Monday, Johnny Gill - Game Changer II, JOHNNYSWIM - Moonlight, JOHKOY - 404, Jonas Brothers - Happiness Begins, Jordan Rakei - Origin, Joseph - Good Luck, Kid, Josephine Wiggs - We Fall, JPEGMAFIA - All My Heroes Are Cornballs, The Juan MacLean - The Brighter Light, Judah & The Lion - Pep Talks, Juice WRLD - Death Race for Love, Julian - Sydney, Juls - Colour, KAINA - Next to the Sun, Kanye West - JESUS IS KING, Karnaval Blues - You Come With the Rain, Kash Doll - Stacked, Kaskade - Redux 003, KÁRYYN - The Quanta Series, Kayzo - Unleashed, Keane - Cause and Effect, Kelsey Lu - Blood, Kemba - Gilda, Kembe X - I Was Depressed Until I Made This, Kerli - Shadow Works, Kevin Gates - I’m Him, Kevin George - My Darlings a Demon, Kevin Morby - Oh My God, K.Flay - Solutions, Kindness* - Something Like a War, King Princess - Cheap Queen, Kishi Bashi - Omoiyari, Ladytron - Ladytron, Lafawndah - Ancestor Boy, Larry June - Out the Trunk [Mixtape], The Lemonheads - Varshons 2, Lexie Liu - 2030, Liam Gallagher - Why Me? Why Not, LICK - Dark Vibe Order, Lil Skies - Shelby, Lissie - When I’m Alone: The Piano Retrospective, Little Brother - May The Lord Watch, Local Natives - Violet Street, Logic - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Lolo Zouaï - High Highs to Low Lows, Lost Frequencies - Alive and Feeling Fine, Louis Futon - Way Back When, Loyle Carner - Not Waving, But Drowning, LSD - Labrinth, Sia & Diplo Presents… LSD, Lucky Daye - Painted, Lucy Rose - No Words Left, Luh Kel - Mixed Emotions, The Lumineers - III, LV - Xcited, Lyfe Jennings - 777, Mac Ayers - Juicebox, Mac DeMarco - Here Comes the Cowboy, Mahalia - Love and Compromise, Malibu Ken (Aesop Rock & TOBACCO) - Malibu Ken, Manatee Commune* - PDA, Mansionair - Shadowboxer, Marc E. Bassy - PMD, Maren Morris - GIRL, Maribou State - Kingdoms in Color Remixed, Marika Hackman - Any Human Friend, MARINA - LOVE + FEAR, MarMar Oso - Oso Different, Marshmello - Joytime III, Matt Maeson - Bank on the Funeral, MED & Guilty Simpson - Child of the Jungle, Meg Mac - Hope, Megan Thee Stallion - Fever, Melii - phAses, Men I Trust - Oncle Jazz, Mereba - The Jungle Is The Only Way Out, Mermaidens - Look Me in the Eye, Michael Kiwanuka - KIWANUKA, MIKA  - My Name Is Michael Holbrook, MIKE - Tears of Joy, Mike Posner - Keep Going [Mixtape], Mike Posner - A Real Good Kid, Milky Chance - Mind the Moon, Mr. Carmack - Demolish [Mixtape], Mr. Carmack - Viista, Mr Hudson - WHEN THE MACHINE STOP, Mndsgn - Snaxx, Moksi - The Return of House Music, Montell Jordan - Masterpiece, Moon Boots - Bimini Road, Moon Duo - Stars Are the Light, Moonchild - Little Ghost, Murs & 9th Wonder - Brighter Daze, Murs, 9th Wonder & The Soul Collective - The Iliad is Dead and the Odyssey is Over, Mustard - Perfect Ten, Nao Yoshioka - Undeniable, Nas - The Lost Tapes 2, Nathan Bajar - playroom, The National - I Am Easy to Find, Necking - Cut Your Teeth, The New Pornographers - In the Morse Code of Brake Lights, NF - The Search, Nick Catchdubs - Ufo, Nicole Bus - Kairos, Nina Nesbitt - The Sun Will Come Up, The Seasons Will Change, Noah Kahan - Busyhead, Norah Jones - Begin Again, Obie Trice - The Fifth, Octavian - Endorphins, Of Monsters and Men - FEVER DREAM, Offset -  Father of Four, Oliver Dion - Exposed, Olivia O’Brien - Was It Even Real?, Panda Bear - Buoys, Patoranking - Wilmer, Pete Tong & HERO - Chilled Classics, Pete Yorn - Caretakers, Petit Biscuit* - We Were Young (The Playlist), P!nk - Hurts 2B Human, Pixies - Beneath the Eyrie, PJ Morton - PAUL, Plaid - Polymer, P-LO - SHINE, PnB Rock - TrapStar Turnt PopStar, Pond - Tasmania, Post Malone - Hollywood’s Bleeding, Priests - The Seduction of Kansas, Prince - Originals, PUP - Morbid Stuff, Quelled Chris - Guns, R.LUM.R. - Surfacing, Ra Ra Riot - Superbloom, The Raconteurs - Help Us Stranger, Raphael Saadiq - Jimmy Lee, Ras Kass - Soul on Ice 2, Rat Boy - International Unknown, Raveena - Lucid, Reese LaFlare - Final Fantasy, The Regrettes - How Do You Love?, Reptaliens - VALIS, Rex Orange County - Pony, Rich Brian - The Sailor, Rich The Kid - The World Is Yours 2, Rico Nasty & Kenny Beats - Anger Management, Rhi - The Pale Queen, Rhye - Spirit, Rockie Fresh - Destination, Rudimental - Test Our Differences, RÜFÜS DU SOL - Solace Remixes, RY X - Unfurl, Sabrina Carpenter - Singular Act II, SAFE - STAY, Said The Whale - Cascadia, SAINt JHN - Ghetto Lenny’s Love Songs, St. Lucia - Remixed, Sammie - Everlasting, Sampa The Great - The Return, San Fermin - The Cormorant I, (Sandy) Alex G - House of Sugar, Santana - Africa Speaks, Santi - Mandy & The Jungle, Sara Bareilles - Amidst the Chaos, SASAMI - SASAMI, ScHoolboy Q - CrasH Talk, Seasons - American Authors, Set It Off - Midnight, Set Mo - Surrender, Shafiq Husayn - The Loop, Shari Marie - Reflection LP, Sharon Van Etten - Remind Me Tomorrow, Sheer Mag - A Distant Call, Shlohmo - The End, Shy Girls - Bird on the Wing, Silversun Pickups - Widow’s Weeds, Sinead Harnett - Lessons in Love, SiR - Chasing Summer, sir Was - Holding On To A Dream, Skepta - Ignorance Is Bliss, The Script - Sunset & Full Moons, Sleater-Kinney - The Center Won’t Hold, Sleeping With Sirens - How It Feels to Be Lost, slowthai - Nothing Great About Britain, Slum Village - The Source, Smif-N-Wessun - The All, Snail Mail - Habit, Snake City - Hurts, SNBRN - Solé, Snoh Aalgra - Ugh, those feels again, Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Thank Me, Snow Patrol - Reworked, SOAK - Grim Town, SOB X RBE & Hit-Boy - Family Not a Group, Solange - When I Get Home, Somos - Prison On A Hill, SonReal - The Aaron LP, StayLoose - The City, Stef Chura - Midnight, Steve Lacy - Apollo XXI, Stirgull Simpson - SOUND & FURY, Styles P - S.P. The Goat: Ghost of All Time, Sudan Archives - Athena, Sui Zhen - Losing Linda, Summer Walker - Over It, SYML - SYML, The Tallest Man On Earth - I Love You, Talos - Far Out Dust, Tank - ELEVATION, Tank and the Bangas - Green Balloon, Tayla Parx - We Need To Talk, Taylor Swift - Lover, Tech N9ne - N9na, Tegan and Sara - Hey, I’m Just Like You, TENDER - Fear of Falling Asleep, Terri Lyne Carrington & Social Science - Waiting Game, Terror Jr - Unfortunately, Terror Jr, Tiësto - Together, Tinashe - Songs For You, Tink - Voicemails, The-Dream - Menage a Trois: Sextape Vol. 1,2&3, Thees Handz (The Grouch & Murs) - Thees Handz, Thom Yorke - ANIMA, T-Pain - 1UP, TOBi - STILL, Tom Walker - What A Time To Be Alive, Tora - Can’t Buy the Mood, Toro y Moi - Outer Peace, Tory Lanez - International Fargo [Mixtape], Tourist - Wild, Tove Lo - Sunshine Kitty, Trae tha Truth - Exhale, Travis Thompson - Reckless Endangerment, Trevor Jackson - Rough Draft 2, Trina - The One, Tritonal - U & Me, Tropical Fuck Storm - Braindrops, Tuxedo - Tuxedo III, Two Door Cinema Club - False Alarm, Tycho - Weather, Tyla Yaweh - Heart Full of Rage, Vagabon - Vagabon, Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Onward to Zion, Various Artists - DEATH STRANDING: Timefall (Original Music from the World of Death Stranding), Various Artists - For The Throne (Music Inspired by the HBO Series Game of Thrones), Various Artists - Music Inspired by the Film Roma, Various Artists - 13 Reasons Why (Season 3) [Music Inspired by the Netflix Series], Velvet Negroni - NEON BROWN, Wale - Wow... That’s Crazy, Walk Off The Earth - HERE WE GO!, Wallows - Nothing Happens, Walshy Fire - Walshy Fire Presents: ABENG, Wand - Laughing Matter, Weezer - Weezer (The Teal Album), Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising, Wilco - Ode to Joy, Wild Belle - Everybody One of a Kind, William Black* - Pages, Willow - Willow, Whitney - Forever Turned Around, Wretch 32 - Upon Reflection, X Ambassadors - ORION, Xavier Omär & Sango - Moments Spent Loving You, YACHT - Chain Tipping, YBN Cordae - The Lost Boy, Yeasayer - Erotic Reruns, Yeek - IDK WHERE, YG - 4REAL 4REAL, Yhung T.O. - On My Momma 2, Yuna - Rouge, Zilo - Gorgeous, Zo! - FourFront, 2 Chainz - Rap or Go to the League, 93PUNX - 93PUNX, !!! - Wallop

Meh: A Boogie wit da Hoodie - Hoodie SZN, Above & Beyond - Flow State, The Avett Brothers - Closer Than Together, Belle & Sebatian - Days of the Bangold, Berner - El Chivo, Birdman & Juvenile - Just Another Gangsta, Blank Mass - Animated Violence Mild, Calboy - Wildboy, Casanova - Behind These Scars, Conway The Machine - Look What I Became, Cousin Stizz - Trying to Find My Next Thrill, DREAMERS - LAUNCH FLY LAND, DJ Muggs & Mach - Hommy: Tuez-Les Tous, Future - Future Hndrexx Presents: The WZRD, G&D - Black Love & War, Ghostface Killah - Ghostface Killahs, Gucci Mane - Delusions of Grandeur, HTRK - Venus in Leo, Jezzy - TM104: The Legend of the Snowman, Kenny Garrett - Hoax, Lighthouse Family - Blue Sky in Your Head, Lil Peep - EVERYBODY’S EVERYTHING, Lillie Mae - Other Girls, Logic - Supermarket, Lower Dens - The Competition, Machine Gun Kelly - Hotel Diablo, Night Lovell - GOODNIGHT LOVELL, Pi’erre Bourne & Cardo Got Wings - Pi’erre & Cardo’s WIld Adventure [Mixtape], Quality Control - Control The Streets Volume 2, Rick Ross - Port of Miami 2, Rod Wave - PTSD, Shy Glizzy - Covered N Blood, Spellling - Mazy Fly, Tee Grizzley - Scriptures, Twin Peaks - Lookout Low, Tyga - Legendary, Wifisfuneral - Ethernet 2, Wiz Khalifa & Curren$y - 2009, 03 Greedo - Still Summer in the Projects

Naw: Black midi - Schlagenheim, KEY! - SO EMOTIONAL, Microwave - Death is a Warm Blanket, Nef The Pharaoh - Mushrooms & Coloring Books, Scarlxrd - INFINITY, Ugly God - Bumps & Bruises, Weezer - Weezer (The Black Album), Westside Gunn - Flygod is an Awesome God, Yung Gravy - Sensational, Zheani - The Line Censored