#theyre nice and all. just. nothing for me to chew on

[anominous-user]

triple threat end card but with the honkai inpact trio. and also bald TT.

[ghostgirl-22]

ok but imagine art and patrick at a frat party.. patrick’s already hyper aware of his bisexuality and feelings for art, arts still repressed as hell. theyre drunk, some guy starts flirting with patrick, art is clearly jealous but doesnt know what this feeling is (“am i homophobic? why do i care so much?” etc). patrick notices this and leans into it, starts flirting back w the guy, fucks him in the bathroom or w/e, finally explores his bisexuality. art feels CRAZY after this, finally notices hes so jealous and wanted to be this guy so bad.. crazy sexual tension ensues. idk if this is too specific but i see it so clearly….

I have been excited for this prompt forever. Idk if you’re still around the fandom anon after all this time 😭 but ily and this prompt <33 I didn’t do it justice but I had fun and so did my Colorado native heart.

CW: 18+ NSFW, never proofreading is the standard, Art is manipulative and kind of an asshole here but it’s just because he’s a fucking terror when he’s in love 😔

—-

It’s the middle of February and Patrick’s not in Palo Alto but he’s still at a Stanford event. “It’s this annual ski trip so many different frats and athletes go. Anyone who’s anyone will be there.” Art explains. “Tashi was supposed to go with me but you know… the girls won the final.” 

Patrick knows all about that. Tashi’s playing in Austrailia. Her family made it a whole trip and she’s got another Adidas photoshoot that’ll be showing exclusively over there. In pro tennis the American season is still on hiatus, he can’t really afford to call  Austrailia every night and he’s kinda bored so that’s how he ended up in Colorado for the weekend. 

He’s on the slopes with Art and his tennis friends in the daytime but that night Stanford takes over the lodge and there’s this epic pool party. The pools are heated, there’s two hot tubs. Tons of pizza in the lobby and drinks outside. There’s even a DJ it’s like a full on frat party in the mountains. Everyone’s staying in the resort, kids are making out, hooking up, trying to hide more elicit substances like weed and ecstasy from the so called “adult” chaperones. It makes Patrick kinda wish he would’ve enrolled.  

He’s lifting himself out of the pool, sitting up on the edge, half drunk when it happens. The cold air feels so nice on his heated skin. He thinks its an accident at first when this guy nudges his knee. Patrick smiles at him, just to show it’s no big deal. He grins back. He’s cute, pale blue eyes, dyed black hair, a lip ring. He’s skinny, a couple tattoos. He looks a little like the guy from Blink 182 Patrick touched himself for when that what’s my age again video came out. 

He knows it by now. What he only suspected when he was younger. That he’s bicurious. 

If getting weird feelings about Robin in that Batman and Robin cartoon when he was a kid wasn’t enough.  Then spending 6 years developing the most delicious masochistic crush on his roommate that culminated in a kiss he can’t stop thinking about definitely did the trick. Pretty boy is chewing on his lip ring, smiling up at Patrick and checking him out. And yeah, Patrick definitely likes boys. 

He’s had a little experience. Some kissing, heavy petting, dry humping another player  in the back of his jeep after a bad day on tour. Made him feel better. He hasn’t really told Tashi… he doesn’t think of it as cheating. It’s something he can’t really get from her anyway.  

“Dude, hurry, lets get some more drinks,” Art sits up next to him on the pools ledge, he’s all tipsy, wet and flushed. He looks so goddamn good right now. It's actually a cosmic joke.  Pretty boy frowns and Patrick shakes his head just the slightest bit, hoping he understands that there’s nothing going on between them. 

“Come on, man,” Art says as he gets to his feet. “I’m already cold.” They were in the middle of a game of pool volleyball. It’s enough like tennis that they’re kinda good at it. And Art’s been flirty with this tall girl, Porsha from the girls volleyball team all night. Which is probably why he’s actually in a hurry, to get a drink back to her.

Patrick figures maybe pretty boy wants a drink. They pad along the cold ground to the drinks table. It’s cold enough outside that nothing really has to be chilled, it’s nice and cold just sitting out on the table. As Patrick scoops up another beer, pretty boy approaches him. 

“Hey,” he smiles. 

Patrick smiles back. “You want one?” He holds up the can he was gonna bring over.  

“Thanks, but I’m actually straight edge.” 

“Oh,” Patrick says, not overly familiar with the term but he thinks it’s hot all the same. 

Pretty boy looks over Patrick’s body, still checking him out. “Are you a freshman? I feel like I’ve never seen you before?” 

“I don’t go here, my buddy Art does,” Patrick gestures. 

“Hey,” Art says lightly, and then looks back at Patrick. “Come on Pat it’s fucking cold.”

”Guess you gotta go Pat,” pretty boy smirks, stepping closer.  

“Patrick,” Patrick says, “he’s the only one that…yeah…” 

“Got it,” pretty boy reaches up to finger the small gold Star of David necklace Patrick’s grandfather gave him that Patrick usually forgets he’s wearing. 

“What’s your name?” Patrick asks. 

“Julian.” He rakes his hand down the front of Patrick’s chest. “your body’s kind of incredible.” 

“Okay… cool man,” Art is still lingering, and Patrick can’t believe he almost forgot about him. Art’s eyes are narrowed in Julians direction. “Aren’t you in the student government or something?” He demands.  

“Not by choice, I’m just a genius at math and my friend is VP so they made me assistant treasurer,”  his eyes haven’t left Patrick’s body. “You want to go inside for a little bit and you know… hang out?”

Patrick’s been kinda horny all night. He’s horny and curious and Julian is really fucking hot so he shrugs. “Yeah.” 

“What? Seriously?” Art asks.

“Look I’m getting tired man.” Patrick lies. “But you have fun, I’ll see you… tomorrow.” He glances at Julian and he grins.  

“You really think I have a shot with Porsha?” Art says, scratching his head.

“I dunno but you’ll have the room to yourself either way,” Patrick smirks.  

Art’s eyes go wide. He looks again at Julian like it’s just now dawning on him what’s happening.

“Uh…” he steps back and stumbles a bit bumping into someone else that steadies him as he comes up to the table and steals a couple beers before hurrying back to the hot tub. 

“Right, later man,” Patrick says, amused by the way Art seems to be glitching out. Patrick still can’t believe after all this time that Art doesn’t know… but whatever he’ll live. At least until tomorrow when they can talk about it.  Patrick starts walking over to grab his towel and his things. 

“Wait I’m— I’m tired too,” Art says, following him. Patrick raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t argue when Art decides to accompany them back to the lodge. Walking in between them. “Maybe we should go back to the room and call Tashi. It’s probably 12 in the afternoon there.” He says when they get inside. “Tashi’s his girlfriend by the way,” Art adds to Julian. He can be a total dick when he wants to be actually.  

“Tashi Duncan?” Julian asks. 

“Yeah… I mean… yes. She’s technically my girlfriend.” Patrick says, glaring at Art. He looks triumphant like he’s ready to see Patrick try and dig himself out of it. 

“Technically,” Julian smirks. “Why do all straight boys have technical girlfriends, and fiancées and wives.” 

 “I dunno… maybe I’m not technically straight,” Patrick says. 

Art makes a strangled sound which Patrick ignores. 

“I figured.” 

“How’d you know?” 

“I was watching you,” Julian says, glancing quickly at Art before looking back to Patrick. 

“Right,” Patrick mutters, feeling a bit pathetic about the fact that it’s this obvious to everyone but Art. 

“Yeah I’ll probably have to call her or something tomorrow… let her know I’m bisexual.” Patrick says, dryly. 

Art laughs. “No way, Pat. One kiss doesn’t make us fucking bisexual.” He’s gone quite red and he looks irritated. “We kissed a couple months ago by the way. Me and him.” He blurts to Julian. 

It’s not like Art to bring that up at all. Much less in front of another person unprovoked. Tashi would sooner bring it up just to watch him turn into a cherry, then Art just outright admitting it. If Patrick didn’t know better he’d call it jealousy. 

“I agree, Donaldson right? You’re a tennis player?”   

“Yeah and it’s…Art,” Art says, coolly. 

“Well that’s… a name. I guess you should thank god you’re pretty.” 

“I—I thank god all the time actually,” Art says, a silly counter for an unnecessary but amusing fight Art is trying to pick. 

“Well that’s great man, and he’s right… one kiss doesn’t necessarily make you bisexual… but you know… we can do more than kiss.” Julian places his palm on Patrick’s bare tummy. 

“Patrick that’s…that’s not a good idea! you’re gonna end up losing Tashi. I— I want to help you but I can’t if you’re gonna cheat on her. Just come back to the room with me. I won’t even tell her or anything.” He’s fucking jealous. God. Patrick wants to laugh. This is incredible.

“Okay fine, I’m coming. Can you take this?” He hands Art his wallet  which has been useless all night since everything was paid for by the student event association or whatever and his unopened can of beer. He keeps his phone, his room key and his towel. “I’ll be up there in five minutes.” 

Art lingers a little longer.

”dude go, I’m coming I promise.” 

It’s a promise he totally keeps. In the bedroom where they don’t even make it to the bed… he comes. Julian has lube and condoms in his backpack. They’re making out in the elevator, in the hallway. and before they’re two steps into Julian's bedroom he’s pressed up against Patrick. Teasing fingers inside. Rolling a condom on and slathering it in so much lube. pressing into Patrick, slowly at first. it feels so big and achy and intense. And then Patrick’s guiding it towards his prostate. The angle where he fingers himself sometimes when he wants to come so hard he blacks out. It’s even better with a fully hard dick inside. Better with Julian’s teasing words in his ear. 

“I know a yearner when I see one. You wish I was that silly little blonde twink so fucking bad, don’t you. Imagine him fucking you like this. Filling you up till you’re incoherent. Filling every hole you have. Fucking you so deep you can’t feel anything else but the thick hard ache of it.” 

“Mm fuck, yes,” Patrick can’t help it. It feels like he’s seeing god over and over. Every thrust, every word taking him to new heights. It’s barely any time at all before he’s unloading all over the bedroom door breathless and moaning. Then they’re making out again on the floor, Patrick crawling all over Julian before a second round and a third. His first time, and this is so hot. He feels so good he almost falls asleep in there but when he picks up his phone to glance at it there’s like 20 missed calls and text messages.

Oh Art is sick.

Patrick barely gathers himself together and makes his way back to their room. It’s almost 2 in the morning but Art is awake watching tv. He’s finished another 2 beers. His eyes are a little red. His cheeks, a little streaky. He’s still in his swim trunks and his hair is nearly dried, his curls all messy. god Patrick can feel the blood rushing immediately right back into his dick. 

Art glares at Patrick and then does a dramatic flop onto his pillow, turning his back to him. 

“Oh come on,” Patrick says, laughing. 

“What the fuck is so funny?” Art mutters. 

“You.” Patrick approaches his bed and knees into it. 

“You know you just cheated on the greatest girl ever right? Cheating on Tashi for some gay loser emo with a star tattoo.”

”It was a starfish, I saw it… up close…for like 2 hours,” Patrick smirks. 

“Well aren’t you fucking special. I’m sure your mom will be proud.” 

“Why? did you call her?” Patrick snorts as he collapses onto the bed next to him. He stops himself, as always, from rubbing Arts' ridiculously perky ass.

“I fucking should,” Art sits up and renews his glare. “What if he had an std? Then you bring it back to Tashi?”

”we used a condom. And i don’t remember you giving this much of a shit when I cheated on my high school girlfriends.” 

“It’s Tashi man, you would really fucking do this to her?” 

“And you’d really fucking cry about it?” Patrick reaches up, brushing a knuckle along his soft cheek. Art shoves him off. “You should be giddy that I couldn’t stop myself. I’m surprised you didn’t call her.” 

“I did,” Art mutters. 

“Ah. So you are still an asshole, I was worried.” 

“She doesn’t even fucking care man.” Art mutters defeated. “She basically said why am I telling her about it if you need a dick and she doesn’t have one. and while she’s in  Australia of all places."

Patrick chuckles for the way he and Tashi had a similar thought process and for Arts dumb jealous meddling not getting him the result he hoped for. 

“Your mom would be upset though,” Art says, he sounds hopeful. 

“God, Art. What is the big fucking deal? Why do you want someone to be mad at me because I fucked a guy? Are you homophobic or something?”

“What? What?! No.” He says quickly. “Im not fucking homophobic dude. I… you know my cousin is a lesbian and… and I could care less.” He’s turning red. “I’m not um… I’m definitely not a homophobe. That’s not fair.” 

”Well then, what is the real problem? Is it that I wanted to get fucked? Is it because I wanted to feel some hot boys’ hard dick in my ass fucking into me over and over?” He says explicitly just to watch Art squirm. And boy is he squirming. He can’t sit still, can’t look at Patrick. Hes got his hands shoved in his lap, between his crossed legs, his face all twisted up. 

“That’s… that’s…not my… you shouldn’t be… you shouldn’t be just…” he stammers out but he just can’t… finish.  

“Art? Come on, what is it?” Patrick prods, a little softer now. “Tell me. Is it Julian?” Giving him an out. 

Art nods his head, grasping at the new reason to tell Patrick why he shouldn’t. “Yes actually. I mean, you don’t know anything about him. He’s got all those tattoos for all you know he could be a… he could be violent or something. Plus I heard he's a loser… you wouldn’t know because you don’t go here but someone told me he sucks. I mean… he’s lame. And he’s not even that good looking or anything… you could at least find an athlete  or like someone on a sports team or—” 

Patrick rolls his eyes. “You’re fucking ridiculous. You know that, right?” He mutters sitting up and leaning in close. “How about next time… if you don’t want another boy to fuck me… you just fuck me yourself.”  

The way Art’s expression changes so quickly to one of exaggerated shock and incredulity is actually amusing. “W-what?” He says, his Adams Apple bobbing.

“You heard me, you little shit,” Patrick smirks, leaning in closer. Art’s little tongue flits across his bottom lip, his eyes dart down to Patrick’s mouth then back up again.

”I don’t… I’m not…” he stammers, but Patrick grips his chin and he’s immediately pliable. Let’s Patrick pull him closer, till he’s leaning in near Patrick’s open mouth. Art licks a hesitant stripe across Patrick’s lips and then the flood gates open. He’s kissing Patrick, open mouthed, heated wet tongue slipping in and out and all around. Everywhere as he moans. If Patrick was seeing god before he’s pretty sure he probably is god at this point for how fucking incredible this feels. 

Patrick reaches into his lap. He’s as hard as he can possibly be. Of course he is. All this drama and all he really had to say was don’t go with him, fuck me instead. The most ridiculous person Patrick knows.  

He’s up on his knees, grabbing at Patrick’s face, then his body. Kisses so wet and eager that Patrick feels dizzy. Patrick settles onto his back, on the pillow, let���s Art fall on top of him, arms on either side of Patrick’s body, hips between Patrick’s thighs, he starts grinding up against Patrick’s ass, against his cock and balls, humping him like he’s humping into a pillow.

“Mm you should fuck me,” Patrick hums into Arts mouth. “I wanna lose my virginity again.”  He grins. He’s still wet for how much lube Julian used to fuck him loose and slippery. God getting fucked by two different boys on the same night he first loses it for a boy. This’ll be a story for his grand kids. 

“Fuck,” Art whines loudly before kissing Patrick again. “You should have just fucking…never let that loser… he shouldn’t get to…” Art’s all shaky, there’s this bright light in his eyes. Like he’s worked himself up into a frenzy.  “I can fuck you so much better than him.”  He starts grabbing at Patrick’s swim trunks. Tugging them down.  

“I can fuck you better. Fuck him.” He breathes, as he grabs at Patrick’s dick with his shaky hands and swallows. Every touch between them feels electric, Patrick’s tingling all over, in a way he wasn’t earlier. It’s actually crazy. Art is holding his dick, he slaps it against Patrick’s tummy and bends over to lick at the length. His perfectly pink tongue licking heated stripes all up and down and along his balls. over and over again. Sloppy and messy and so wet. Spit everywhere. Just when Patrick thinks he’s gonna come by this alone. Art huffs, his heated breath ghosting along Patrick’s dick, along his upper thighs. “I can fuck you so much better.” 

He sits up on his knees again and pulls his own dick out. His pretty perfect dick. Been perfect ever since Patrick first saw it. It was even more perfect  the last time he saw it.  When they jerked it simultaneously the last month of high school. Talking about Tashi. Not mentioning the kiss but the memory of it vivid in Patrick’s mind as Art was breathing heavy and ragged right next to him making him come so much faster.       

“You can fuck me. I’m wet already, baby,” Patrick whispers. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t wait for you but I’m really fucking wet for you.” 

“Fuck you,” Art looks more determined now. His eyes filling with water and it’s probably so fucked up, but watching him tear up makes Patrick’s cock twitch, even more eager to come again.

Art pushes himself inside and god, Patrick feels his body light up. Energy nearly as overwhelming as the night they kissed with Tashi. He couldn’t really compare anything to what it feels like to fuck Tashi before now.  Art sniffling and teary eyed and fucking into his prostate. Slamming into it. Feels just as fucking good. 

“You’re fucking mine, he doesn’t get to have you ever again, fuck you your mine,” Art is flushed so pretty, the way he looked in the heated pool. “Mine,” Art keeps muttering as he thrusts his hips over and over and over again. Patrick is seeing stars, nearly blacking out for every punctuation of the word. 

“Fuck yes,” Patrick groans loudly as he’s getting close. “I’m all fucking yours baby. Fuck it all out of me. Make me yours forever.”

“Fuck Patrick I’m gonna—“ 

“Mm shit… come on… you can do more. Keep fucking me with that perfect dick, pretty boy. Fucking fill me up.”

”Patrick…” Art whines. “Oh Patrick…Patrick… oh fuck… I’m sorry….fuck nnngh…” 

Heated liquid is filling Patrick up, making him even more of a mess as Art collapses into his arms. “Oh fuck,” Art starts properly crying. “I couldn’t even fucking…” he groans as he slips out. 

God, Patrick wishes he wasn’t so fucking hard right now. All he can think about is Art’s soft red cheeks, wet eyes and clumped lashes, wet face, wet mouth. Wet all over and Patrick almost feels guilty for how badly he wants him to cry more. 

“It’s okay… shh… ‘t’s okay. I’m gonna get you hard again,” Patrick whispers. 

“Really?” art sniffles. 

“Mmhm, come on… it’s gonna be fucking easy.” Patrick says lightly. He kisses Art’s wet cheek, tasting salty tears on his lips. and Art turns into it… taking Patrick’s mouth again, between sniffles. It’s easy really. Art is so easy— when Patrick can get him to be honest with himself. Fucking dream come true. 

[kiruyeen]

listen if you go into g3 thinking it will be just like more episodes of g1 youre gonna be very disappointed. like yeah if I had to choose between them Id choose g1 as it cant be beat, but g3 has its own unique charm and is really good if you accept that the g3 cast isnt gonna be a carbon copy of the g1 cast. they arent meant to be! theyre new takes on their character, by definition, a new generation. yes I still have criticisms for it but also it did a lot of stuff better!

first off, a trans character IN a queer relationship. Ive always related to frankie but gen 3 especially does them so well and no matter what you say them and cleo's relationship is adorable. also I see a lot of you treat them like just a girl who uses they/them pronouns (or ignore that theyre non-binary at all) just because they dress femininely, and I am judging you. their relationship is trixic, not sapphic, and frankie is unlabeled and cleo is bi so theyre not lesbians either. frankie is not your theythem girl or theyfab or whatever. grow up. deuce is also theorized to be trans or intersex and is also canonically aromantic and I fucking love that as well. "b-but my nostalgia abt cleo and deuce" Im still nostalgic about them too and it was nice seeing the "mean girl" and her boyfriend have a healthy relationship but again this is a different take on their character, and I can happily say I could see their g1 versions identify this way as well if mattel wasnt such a coward back then.

next, lagoona. Ill be honest I was one of the biggest haters of g3 lagoona at first, pink skin, vsco girl ass fashion, "this aint my lagoona, she's way less edgier than the others AND g1" Id say, but she really grew on me, and as someone who frequently rewatches g1 as well, I notice she is a LOT more well developed than her g1 counterpart. g3 is fierce and is afraid of no longer being seen as such due to also having "cutesy" interests, and loves graphic novels and sometimes sees them as more true than real life. she also has anxiety and copes with them in an unappealing fashion (chewing). she makes up for her lack of edgy looks with her edgy personality. meanwhile g1 is just.... aussie and loves her boyfriend. g3 is still very sporty and cares for her friends (and crush) a lot, but now has personality past that, she can even find fault in her crush while still loving him, while g1 lagoona just saw gill as the perfect incarnate. g3 just overall, has more fleshed out monsters than g1.

more about deuce, I see a lot of people headcanon him as trans and I love that, but I personally believe he may be intersex. "but both of his parents and his sisters are female, there is no y chromosome in their heritage so how could he develop a y chromosome or testosterone" you may ask, but worry not for I have a biology special interest and am more than willing to explain! deuce's parents are a harpy (bird monster) and a gorgon(snake monster), and both birds and snakes are known to have NOT X and Y chromosomes to determine sex, but Z and W, and it works the other way around! meaning the offspring with zw chromosomes will be female while the offspring with zz chromosomes will be male! and due to deuce being out of the sex norms of both harpies and gorgons (having no males), he is considered intersex! again, I have nothing about his trans headcanons, but him being intersex makes more sense to me. and I LOVE it if thats the intention.

either way, even if I have my criticisms, I love g3, yes its not comparable to g1 but theyre different series!

[trashcanalienist]

It's all fucking shit it's all just fucking shit.

Rotten wood just rotten fucking wood eaten away inside by insects swarming. Worms and crawling things beetles and centipedes. Rotten fucking figurehead upon the beach swelled to bursting, you look at it and sigh and shake your head and say well that's a damn shame

It's a damn shame such a beautiful sculpture, a beautiful form like that, carved feminine beauty, all rotten and bloated and used up. And filled with insects.

She knows what I'm feeling lovely lady that she is, I've just read about it, she knows the insects swarming beneath the skin, the unbearable how unbearable feeling

Want to cut it out cut it open pull them out. God I am so helpless lover, but none could ever love me, nor even make love to me, such a stench of wooden decay, stiff and warped and skittering with those clustered things of nightmare feelings. Cut me open cut me open, rip it out of me, excise, remove, cut me til I am nothing but a pile of red ribbons but empty of badminded insectoid life. They're in my blood, centipedes crawling, filthy legs tickling my veins oh I cannot take it

Do bad things to me, okay? I can't stand it. God, this can't be love. It feels too much like rape. keeping me close with your apologies but you won't ever stop, violent impaler, because you don't have to and you don't want to. Too much effort for you, you whine, fucking whining, too much effort to have to not gore me with your ridiculous fucking horns. It's just not fair after the day you've had that you shouldn't get to shake them about. It was a mistake anyways, you didn't mean to do it. Really it's my fault for not leaping out of the way in time. I'm sick of this rodeo bullshit fucking killer

Killers, all I ever get are killers. I'd rather find someone who'll say he'll kill me and then do it, I can't stand the shattering of my tarnished soul every time it hits the ground anew, id rather no one ever pick it up. I'd rather no one ever claim to hold it safely because no one ever will. Just tell me you'll be bad and then be bad. I'm sick of lies and I'm sick of liars. No one's ever good but that's all they ever say.

I'm not capable of those nice things. Nice people don't want me. They can smell the beetles chewing away at me and they keep their pristine selves far removed to avoid infestation. I didnt. Want these fucking bugs I didn't fucking want them theyre not mine I didn't fucking want them

[arcade-confetti]

batman for the character ask meme?

How I feel about this character

ough. I think overall I'd describe him as... frustrating, I think. He's very everywhere, I have a specific view of him in my mind thats not often seen. His bad actions kinda get brushed over alot in canon and by some fans. In theory of some disconnected space I'd enjoy him alot, but in how I see him and what he does and how its gone about I dont really. I like chewing on him sometimes. Sometimes it's hard for me to be nice about him but im not trying to present him as the worst ever and I do rather try to keep him tethered. Funnily enough I think out of comics have made me think more poorly than in them so far, though I do think they'll get worse. Points for potential, he can be very chewable

'66 Batman however I love with all my life and is like everything I want to not only like but actively enjoy a Batman, 10/10 I never want to personally rip to shreds with my own hands. I lean heavily towards silly characters and I do love a silly batman

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Not really, whenever he has anything going on ever im desperately looking away and hoping it ends already due to how theyre written <-op is usually romance repulsed for most medias. I WILL say however,, I am a fan of having him exclusively attracted to rogues or criminals. Ultimately I do not believe in endgame anything. The fumbler

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Usually im thinking about Dick n Jason with him. Dynamics and could bes and how it is

My unpopular opinion about this character

He sucked in BTAS too. And frustated me more there because he did nothing to earn my respect that other characters were giving him. Some people point at it like 'thats MY batman who is loving and caring and good and reforms others and is nice to his children' but I personally just dont see it

more silly is necessary

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Scoot him off to the side for a good bit, make him more silly. I like a hero that believes in redemption and helping in and out, a good good guy, but I believe this is also fundamentally not batman, and that id probably just rather read a different character

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/16/24

woke up at 0900. ate canned tuna. played guitar. tried reading but horde was outside. after all this time still not used to the sound. eventually quietened down and read til noon. im running out of books, should go to that school again.

had more canned tuna; trying to finish it off since theyre closest to expiration. cant waste food nowadays. got headaches. probably from malnutrition. i wonder if its better to feast now and feel full again or skimp for as long as possible. took tylenol to help.

went outside once coast was secure.

the bunker is my old basement. house was raided burned down a while ago. but i was ready. everything was in my bunker. i knew this day would come, i was fucking right and nobody believed me. i almost gave up hope at times, but god shines his light on me, and i am the sole survivor.

i remembered the man from yesterday. his corpse was fresh. maybe he knew about me and wanted my resources, or maybe he was passing through. maybe he had a family waiting for him. i thought i would be happy alone, but i feel myself spiralling after so long without human contact.

i should've harvested him for meat. too late now, rotted in the sun and chewed up by zombies and animals. im not above cannibalism, just as others werent above rape and theft and murder as soon as the light died in goverment leaders' eyes and everything came crashing down.

part of my basement ceiling is visible through the remains of my house. the concrete is cold even with the sun overhead. its the only indication i still live here. the entrance is a heavy metal trapdoor. before it was covered with a carpet, now i use my house's rubble. to hide and keep the single patch of concrete visible just so its easier to recognize. rubble just looks like rubble, and theres a lot of that nowadays.

i played music off my mp3 player. im glad i got in as many songs as i did before everything went offline. I seldom use it, i dont want to use up the battery and i dont want to get bored of my music. usually close my eyes and nap, but that was before. laid there and watched clouds. had to take off shirt because of heat. best to be uncomfortable outside than rot inside.

shouldve brought my guitar. would have made for a nice moment. i can do it tomorrow.

the apocalypse has made the days obsolete. there are no more deadlines or future plans. even less so if you choose to survive alone. my watch still works and will continue to work, maybe longer than i will. still keeping track, even down to the damn year. makes these notes easier. sometimes i sleep for days on end. my body knows the amount of sleep i get means nothing. but it has adjusted to the food shortage, aside from headaches and the occasional hunger pangs. it was worse over the summer, constantly nauseous and craving fresh, easy food. soon i can force it to run as it once did, ignoring its needs in order to become the ultimate being. but for now its tylenol and damp towels.

went inside and got supplies. going scavenging now. sun is worse today so i brought the jug.

[nexfarious]

hi! i finished binging dq recently and i wanted to share some of my thoughts bc the brainrot it has given me is literally insane like. You dont understand. i didnt want to put this probably gigantic block of text in the ao3 comments so i figured id send it here so you can decide if you want it posted or not!

back to the topic i need to put thief in a blender (said with as much affection as possible btw). theyre soo painfully realistic and have a very unique perspective on the killing game which isnt rlly explored in fanfics so im eating it up! their talent is so cool and i cant wait to see them use it more later on. i also love how despite their paranoia and distrust they are still. Kind. Like they still reached out to ryouma and it literally saved his life!!!!! btw i think not killing him off in ch2 was a really good writing choice bc i think him dying after That scene with thief would just destroy them entirely -but on the topic of ryouma! im very glad you decided to give more spotlight to characters that werent given much of it in canon (or fanon ngl). him and tsumugi are characters that im rlly interested in but the game straight up gave them next to nothing, which i guess is very usual for danganronpa but yknow. Its still disappointing

thief and saiharas relationship makes me want to use both of them as a chew toy bc theyre so. So!!!!! im literally obsessed w them. we are still pretty early in the killing game but so many of their moments are already rotating in my mind At All Times. from the detective/criminal dynamic, to how much they care abt each other (thief obviously having a soft spot for shu despite not trusting people is soooo cute i need them gone). though that one scene in ch19 (i think?) where its said that their situation wld be considered romantic if it thief didnt have a knife at his throat is Life Changing and ive been thinking abt it so much -the contrast is just so good and the scene itself is so sad. also "Maybe this really was truly Shuichi, another side reflected to all of you, gleaming in the light like shards of a prism. Maybe you couldn’t see all of the sides right now, in this moment, but what you could see was so wonderful, spots danced in the back of your eyes." is such a beautifully written paragraph but the fact that thief thought this in the middle of a trial is so hilarious to me but i still support them. sometimes you really need to admire your Friend in a life or death situation to be able to push through. I get it

ok enough of those two. i love how you take the time to explore thief's relationships w other people as well. the break up scene between them and tsumugi had me blankly staring at my screen for good 30 seconds i think. the brief thief/ouma collab was great as well. i already mentioned ryouma but he is so dear to me head in hands.......cant wait for ch3 to physically beat the shit out of me

i have more thoughts but i also think this is too long already so ill stop it here. anyways i love your writing so much and im looking forward to more of dq! take care of yourself and have a nice day/night!

hi umm . this ask destroyed me emotionally, threw me out the window and then stole my lunch money /pos

this is genuinely so so lovely to read, i can’t believe you would take the time out of your day to come and tell me what you think of my fic,,, that’s so sweet <3

thief is my little freak whom i need to microwave at the highest temperatures. i think a lot of people should be more selfish in the killing game tbh, there’s a lot of characters who are ready to throw away everything for each other, i mean even a lot of the killers have selfless motives (kirumi, kaede) which is totally fine but!!! where my selfish bitches at where are the guys who just want to survive. despite all their paranoia though, they are a good person at heart which is something i’ve always found compelling in writing them.

WHY DIDN’T RYOMA LIVE IN CANON!!! you’re telling me a major theme of the game is overcoming yourself and pushing through despite hopelessness and then you just . kill off the other guy who’s canonically suicidal? it kinda left a bad taste in my mouth tbh. “oh you have nothing left to live for? die” i love ryoma i love mugi (obviously) and they deserve better than what the game gave them

they haven’t had much time for each other because we’re not even halfway through the game but UGH thiefhara means so much to me . thief wants to keep everyone at arm’s length but is actually way too soft to go through with it because there’s a detective with pretty eyes (which is so real btw) . i cant tell you anything about the plot but let it be known that chapter three is gonna have quite a few important moments in their relationship!!!

tbh the knife scene was something i just came up with as i was writing and thought “yeah okay that would be funny” and now people seem to love it,,, good thing i love it too

thief’s friends are so incredibly important to me btw . tsumugi who just wanted to be their friend but was rejected and has turned to angie and tenko, ryoma who still doesn’t have a reason to keep going but wants to try because there is someone who cares enough to reach out, kokichi (derogatory/with love), kaede who betrayed them in thief’s mind and still haunts them - someone who broke their trust after they went out on a line for someone, kaito whom i need thief to spend more time with because honestly he deserves more scenes

i hope chapter three slam dunks you into another dimension anon (said with so much sincerity and love), we got major canon divergence incoming ^-^

ANYWAY !!! don’t ever apologise for sending me your thoughts it’s actively encouraged and motivates me to write!! if you ever have anything more to say you are more than welcome to leave a comment or another ask i promise it makes me giggle and do a little spin in my chair of evil . hope you’re doing well too anon

[loopiestlooper]

ilysfm isnt even bad like creatures and heaven show pony wonderful nothing and how i learned how to love the bomb are like good songs but it never reaches the absolute peak of the other three albums (yes. i am including dreamland. i am waterfalls's biggest defender and people just don't understand what peak is.) (htbahb still solos literally the entire universe though i could sing all of it except for MAYBE s2ep3 if a gun was put to my head.) and thats why it makes me mad.

maybe im just coping. but hearing the "beat drop" of on the run makes me want to chew on drywall in a bad way. like you were doing so well. white roses is literally just heat waves 2 except worse. ACTUALLY THIS ENTIRE ALBUM KEEPS REVERTING TO RANDOM SNIPPETS OF HEATWAVES WITH THE CHORD PROGRESSIONS AND THE BEAT DROPS. IM NOT SAYING THAT GLASS ANIMALS BEATDROPS ARE BAD ID LITERALLY INJECT WALLA WALLA AND TAKE A SLICE (yeah im not a free thinker either) INTO MY VEINS THEYRE SO FUCKING GOOD. LIKE IM NOT EXPECTING SUPER GRITTY MUSIC FROM THIS BAND (i wish they did it more often see my insane ramblings on htbahb) but it doesn't reach the same psychedelic jungle vibes as zaba or like the dreamy retro vibes as dreamland. i dont know how to describe ilysfm its bouncy in an uncomfortable synthy way. AND THE LYRICS ARENT EVEN CATCHY. GLASS ANIMALS LYRICS MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE THAT'S HALF THE FUN BUT THE LYRICS AREN'T EVEN "QUIRKY" bad. I CAN FORGIVE WATERFALLS FOR THE CLAP CLAP YOU'RE A CLEVER CLEVER COOKIE AND THE BIG TITS LINES BECAUSE THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID YOU HAVE TO LOSE YOUR DIGNITY AND GO ALONG FOR THE RIDE. BUT LITERALLY WHAT DOES ANYONE GET OUT OF REPEATING ON THE RUN 30 TIMES? I SWEAR I'M NOT BEING A HYPOCRITE I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH CANE SHUGA AND IT'S MY LEAST FAVORITE ON HTBAHB BUT AT LEAST CANE SHUGA IS JUST ONE SONG THAT SOUNDS NICE AND THE POINT WAS TO BE REPETITIVE. THEY COMMIT. THEY DIDNT GET YOUR HOPES UP WITH THE REST OF ONTHERUN WHICH I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE AND THEN TRANSITION INTO "ON THE RUN" 30 TIMES? WITH THE LEAST MELODICALLY INTERESTING BACKING TRACK EVER CREATED? and i cant even remember any other ilysfm examples for this because they're just... so forgettable

they tried to be quirky but it's just. too palatable. part of the fun was the weird ass sound effects in the middle of the song like the tosap dog bark and the sausage candle and LITERALLY THE ENTIRETY OF ZABA the silly little flute(?) in deja vu even though thats not really a good example. yes i do know the car slam in whatthehellishappening exists and i appreciate it but it's also extremely cheeky (literally plays at the same time at "took me by surprise") in an album that does not embrace the cheek. they need to accept that they're gonna alienate people with their music and the things that alienate a lot of mainstream listeners are what makes their music enjoyable (Obligatory blame on heatwaves goes here) once i had a friend who listened to wonderful nothing and hated it and i wanted to crawl into a hole and explode but that's like. part of the deal with alternative. there's always a nonzero chance of that happening and that song is the closest thing to glass animals weirdness on the entire album.

anyways rant over i should have gone to the original 2016 htbahb tour instead of being 7

[happi-meals]

Today's breakfast!

Vegan almond yogurt, carrot, and clemintine drink + pan-fried egg, steamed kale, sliced vegan bratwurst on a bed of rice!

Very rewarding meal, though I would have loved to have the drink and the food together lol. I forgot to prep and make the drink first, so I made and drank it afterward.

Wrt the drink, I cant quite call it a smoothie yet because I dont have ice and its just not the texture I want it at yet. It has very great flavor, especially the citrus zest; 2 clemintines with pulp amplified by twang of ginger root and a brightness of lemon juice (no cider this time! Didnt need it); lots of honey and carrot to add a tinge of particular sweetness.

BUT

I simply dont have the consistency I desire smdh. The lack of ice means theres less volume to the drink and its lack of viscosity makes the chunks of veggies (particularly the carrot) relatively unplesant in texture. I wouldnt mind said chunks and pieces if they were spread evenly in a smoothie. But alas lol.

Will definitely give the kale a break for more of this bright and healthy juice option!

Ingredients for the drink (no particular proportions; experimenting to taste)

2 clemintines with pulp 🍊

A handfull of baby carrots 🥕

A dash of lemon juice 🍋

A few dollops of vegan yogurt (unsweetened) 🍦

Small cut of fresh ginger root 🫚

LOTS of honey! 🍯

Now that I'm thinking about it, this entire drink would have been nice as is if I had some sort of mesh strainer to seperate the large chunks from the juice itself. That way, it could suffice without ice! 🧊 I def need to invest in one if I cant find one thrifted.

Onto the food!

Nothing too much to say here other than it was a great meal!

The egg was certainly more flavorful than last time, thought I admit it was a bit too much season salt lol. I cooked it last since I was right to remember that eggs cook in like 4 mins max lol. However, I accidentally skipped a step in remembering to heat up the pan with its oil before cracking the egg into it. So for several seconds the poor abortion remained clear and uncooked in the pan, sliding but not simmering. I thought i may have fluked the process again but I turned up the heat a bit and the egg bounced back, the whites appearing slowly as it actually simmered and cooked lol

The rice I simply made in my cute lil rice cooker (i should give it a name 🤔).

My mom got it for me when I was in college, considering I went vegan a few yrs prior, hadnt bought an [unlimited] meal plan at the dorm cafeteria, and may have had limited options (thankfully I didnt, eventually bought and u limited meal plan, and never needed to use the cooker living on campus. It became my ol-reliable later before I left though lol). Its a great cooker and can handle I believe up to around 1 or 1 1/2 cups of rice and its respective portions of water, which is plently for just me and usually enough for 2 servings. I use it almost daily when I cook so its def a staple tool in the kitchen I'm grateful to have. Thanks, mom! 💕

The kale I steamed in a pot with a lid and added a but of Lawry's season salt, a cap full of vinegar, and pepper. Simple yet flavorful. I love seeing the change of volume the kale undergoes as its steamed. A large portion of bright green, rubbery kale leaves that overfills the brim of the pan quickly shrivels into a manageable serving of jeep-green, seasoned kale, steamed to perfection (and much more pleasant to chew!). Speaking of kale transformations lol....

.... Ive had this batch of kale for going on 3 weeks now! I made a post about it before on my nature blog @happigreens (I'll transfer here eventually), but to condense it to the gist of this one, the salt bath i gave the kale was extremely helpful in extending the shelf life of the leaves. By now, theyre finally yellowing and some are wilting from dryness, but many still retain a crisp texture as if freshly harvested. I'll always soak kale leaves in saline water to preserve them! The kale in this meal didnt need that crispness necessarily, but the soaking probably retains its nutritional value for a lot longer, so thats definitely always important!

The brat I cooked the same as last time: pan fried! The brats are so good imo that they dont need any seasoning other than compatible cooking oil! Beyond Meat has some absolutely delish products. I just hope one day plant based products like that can be subsidized or something 😅. Also like before, the brat complimented the egg so well. I really didnt want any meat for this meal but craved the umami flavor combos I had with my last meal. Was not disappointed!

Ingredients for this meal included:

1 Beyond Sausage Brat Origianal link (pulled into pieces for a feeling of bigger portions lol)

1 egg (to be fried)

Like a big bowlfull of kale (again, no exact proportion here lol, but ut was a lot!)

Lawry's season salt (to season kale and egg to taste)

Pepper (for the kale and egg again)

A capful of vinegar (for the kale)

Olive and sesame oil (for pan-frying the egg and brat, and steaming the kale)

1 cup of rice (which take ~2 cups of water to cook)

9/10 It all came together for a great meal! :-)

[thoughts-of-the-unheard]

oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking    of   replacements    fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

[commanderserwin]

modern AU; one of us.

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

↦ pairing(s): erwin smith x reader

↦ word count: 3.7k

↦ @bluebellhairpin​ request: You said you wanted this, so prepare thy self; a modern!Erwin x reader fix based off that ABBA song 'one of us'. So like they both together but they are really distant and its obvious to others that theyre still pining for each other but they never spend time together - then eventually they do, and they just can't help that the fluff-meter goes way up. I think youd write that well.

↦ author’s note(s): yes, yes, yes, it’s late!! but this is what my braincells came up with after spending hours listening to that song!!! enjoy & thank u !! ♡♡♡

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾

love does move in mysterious ways. it makes you feel lightheaded thinking of the person you love; on cloud nine, and every time your lips would touch, it ignites everything inside you. it's what makes your toes curl, grin widely, butterflies in your stomach; all the good things. but sometimes, love makes you lose the sense of yourself. it makes you feel so occupied, like time revolves around them, giving yourself whole to them, without even saving a piece for yourself. love is love-- but it is cruel, suffocating, difficult; maybe it's just the responsibility of loving.

the ceiling became your friend and your enemy, always looking-- seeing how you cried your eyes out, screamed into the pillow, wrap yourself in your blanket, or even when your tears has run out and you're looking with your mouth agape-- throat dry, and eyes tired. the ceiling has always listened to you, and you often wonder what it would say if it would speak. would it make fun of you? would it scream into your face? would it bring sense into your brain? would it ask the same question you are asking yourself? why did you do it? why did you break up with him?

second anniversary. two years together. a celebration over a nice dinner, that turned sour and the epitome of break-up.

you stared at the bathroom mirror, looking right through your eyes, breathing hard as your heart thudded louder than ever. the tiny monologue of your brain echoed, making you clench the sink as you placed on your best dress and shoes, as you applied the lipstick with shaky hands. his footsteps echoed in the silent apartment, making you jump when he finally opened the bathroom door.

erwin leaned on the doorframe, his smile gracing his beautiful face. “you look very beautiful.”

you know erwin loves— loved you very much. but you weren’t prepared when he took out a red velvet box from his jacket and that’s when you clammed up, sweat forming on your temple when you realized what was happening.

shit, you thought, this cannot be happening.

“is that... is that-,” you stuttered, watching erwin walk closer from his reflection on the mirror as you clutched the sink. you can’t look at him or else you’d only vomit the words you that has always been stuck at your throat.

erwin kissed your cheek, as his lips brushed your ears, feeling his smile widen when he imagined how you’d look when he would finally pop the question. “no, i got you a gift.”

by then, you have started to breathe normally again. but your body tensed up when you felt erwin’s lips graced over on the curve of your neck, his lips planting soft kisses on your skin, his hands making its way to snake around your waist. he kissed your shoulder, looking with you through the mirror for both of your reflections.

you looked like you wanted to get away, but erwin’s too high off of you to actually notice. his eyes watched you, as he opened the box right in front of you. there sits a dainty diamond necklace, and your knees has started to buckle, feeling his hands clasp them over to your neck. erwin is too sweet, and you don’t know how and why you could do this to him. he is everything you have hoped for yet your mind has tangled the thoughts in yours, screaming; get it over with. he’s not for you. end it. and you listened.

suddenly, erwin’s back on the doorframe, tapping on it gently to get your attention. “i got us a reservation at that restaurant. come out whenever you are ready.”

“okay,” you murmured, watching the diamond reflect its colors through the light. “i’ll be out soon.”

“i love you.”

erwin didn’t miss the hesitation in your actions and lips, and his heart fell. that tiny crack is enough for his mind to think every possible way he has ever made you think twice because of him. sure, two years is nothing comparing to the other relationships out there, but you two were solid. trust upon trust, as if nothing could tear you two down. but that tiny sliver... it painted his mind that maybe something is wrong and he’s too blind to see what is was.

“i love you,” and it tasted like poison.

the restaurant was packed to the brim, and you were thankful that erwin chose a booth seat, away from the loud crowd. he sat in front of you, his fingers tapping lightly as he read the menu. erwin couldn’t help but peek through it, watching at how your eyes would flit back to reality and the gnawing thought in your mind. he didn’t push it because it was nothing; and that’s what he wanted to believe. wanted.

“erwin?” there it is. erwin lowered down his menu, his blue eyes piercing through you. he gripped the menu for a second, before calming down as he parted in mouth in question.

“do you want to share the chicken parmesan with me?” you stuttered, feeling his eyes too heavy on you. how long could you keep this up? you thought.

“sure,” erwin nodded, reading his menu but the words has started to become a daze to him; his mind going back to you, over and over again.

soon, all the food has arrived, and the table turned awkward as the two of you ate, the quiet chewing the only sound from the both of you. erwin would try to smile and nod, sharing his food with you, and it’d make your heart ache— thinking maybe you shouldn’t do it. how could you break his heart?

“say it to me,” erwin murmured, hands beside his plate as he looked at you.

you were like a deer caught in the headlights, as you pulled the plate closer, a ghost of a smile on your lips. “what do you mean?”

“don’t lie to me.”

“i’m not lying,” you lied, sighing loudly as you placed the fork down, hand trying to reach for him but he retreated it. “erwin...”

“whatever it is,” erwin whispered, crossing his arms. he just wanted the truth.

it’s literally now or never, and he’s giving you the chance to speak up, and you took it with all your might.

“i need a break. from us.” you sighed, biting down your lip. erwin remained impassive, as he continued to look, beckoning you to continue. “i think we’re better off without each other.”  

“why?”

“it’s not you. it’s me.”

erwin couldn’t help but run his hands down his face, eyes closed as he tried to digest your words. he’s heard those words from movies and books, and he refuses to believe that he is hearing it now, and it’s coming from you. it was the classic excuse from the films, and he couldn’t really fucking believe it.

“god,” erwin groaned, palming his eyes. “are you serious?”

“i’m sorry,” and you meant it.

erwin took a deep breath, using a few minutes to talk some sense into himself. breaks in relationships were deadly— not knowing when or how it’ll come back to life after one lets go; unsure if it can still be mended. it’ll snap relationships in half, but he trusts you enough that you’ll come back.

“okay, we can do that,” he whispered, stretching his hand, as he gripped the fork again. erwin has believe it’s going to get better.

“okay?” you whispered back, lips quivering and you have no idea why you were crying. it felt too easy, but you grabbed on to that. it already feels lighter now that you’ve said it.

“it’s only a break,” erwin repeated, staring at you. he began to eat his food, never meeting your eyes again for the rest of the dinner turned the opposite way around.

it was two years of spending birthdays, christmases, new years, together. two years of absolute bliss, always waiting to go home to each other, ready to be held in each others arms. two years of hiding each other’s gifts— receiving and giving them. two years of giving each other candies that they like, leaving cups of tea or coffee by their work tables, or leaving warm towels on the sink when it has gotten colder. the most mundane things and you’ve missed it so much that it has left you daydreaming of it all.

the ceiling has already started to mock you, watching your impassive face tear up at the scenarios playing in your head, as you wished to take it all back. the tears fell to your ears as you laid on the bed, thinking of him.

erwin did the same thing. but he’s already on the verge of giving up.

after that dinner, erwin parted ways with you, his feet dragging in your apartment as he insisted to get his things he left around. he found himself walking into your bedroom, opening your closets where his spare jeans and shirts were when he would spent the nights with you. he looked around, thinking of what more could he get rid off.

you followed him around like a lost puppy, thumbs fiddling with each other, mouth shut as your mind rambled: 'no, leave your shirt,' 'leave your toothbrush,' 'don't get your house slippers,' while you could only watch him. your heart crushing at the sight of him. your eyes followed his every movement, watching him turn in your bedroom, and he made his way towards your bedside table. it was messy, full of his pens and books he would leave, and there sits a small frame with a drunken polaroid; both of your cheeks flushed, eyes wide, and teeth showing as both of you smiled, his hand flushed against your shoulder to pull you any closer when he took that picture.

"no!" you called out, walking past him to take back the polaroid from his hand. you looked up at erwin, and it was then you realized he was crying. tears fell on his cheeks slowly, dropping into your hand as you pried his hand off of your favorite memory. "i want to keep it."

"it's only a break," you sighed, meeting him back to the living room as he clutched his things in his arms.

he nodded again, mustering up a smile one last time until he stood up in front of you. he bent down slightly, his hand cupping the back of your head as he placed a kiss on the crown of your head. he didn't want to let go. not like this, and he blames himself for actually letting go. erwin finally made his way towards your door, hand hovering as he took took a deep breath, opening it... and hoping it won't be the last time he closes it. he found a home in you, and he could only watch as it crumbled as he walked further and further away.

that break turned into days, and weeks, and months, closing in on a year— and he could only accept reality that there is no getting back together, the you and him... gone.

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"stop looking at your phone." mike looked over at erwin as he spun in his office chair, using his feet to move over to his friend. mike took the phone in erwin's hand, shaking it in the air as he shook his head.

"she's not going to text you," mike muttered, patting hard erwin's shoulder as erwin only pierced daggers onto his friend's stupid face. "it's been a year, move on."

erwin only rolled his eyes, grabbing the phone as he tucked it in his pants, pushing mike away, "i have moved on."

mike pushed his chair, tapping on their other friend's chair, as he spun around to nudge their shoulder. "he said he's moved on."

"oh, erwin," hange sighed, spinning around in her chair as she shook her head in pity, "you haven't. she hasn't, too."

"enough," erwin turned around, grabbing a pen to twirl it around in his fingers. he listened to his friends behind him mumble about his wretched relationship, lazily looking at the screen as his work blinked in red for all the deadlines he has to meet. his eyes read the words with a low sigh, fingers still twirling the pen, but he placed it down right after while he read his computer screen— his hand finding for the gadget in his pocket like second nature. he flicked his eyes down, looking at the time, and for his notifications. no texts.

ever since that anniversary dinner, he used to still text you. it was the usual 'good morning's,' and 'don't forget to eat,' wherein you would still reply to him with the same things. but, those messages stopped; and he has already lost hope.

"there goes the phone again," mike muttered, typing away on his own as he glanced at his computer screen, "just wait until you see her during lunch."

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"you ready?" levi tapped his phone on your shoulder, nibbling on his lip as he waited for you to get your purse. he wouldn't miss a day without commenting on that small polaroid photo you placed against your small penholder, that it has become his habit. levi opened his mouth, but he only got pushed in the process as he clutched his phone tighter, watching you stand up.

"don't say it," you muttered, fixing the photo as it moved in the process of you standing up. you looked at it for a second, before looking back at levi as he shrugged at you. "do we really have to spend lunch with... them?"

"who?" levi asked, as he matched your steps, joining the rest of your co-workers on the line for the elevator. "hange, mike, and your ex-boyfriend that you dumped? yes, of course."

"you're an asshole, sometimes, levi," you murmured, waiting for the elevator to arrive. he rolled his eyes in return, used to your comment. "why do we even have to?"

"you can go or not," levi pointed out, busy with waiting for the elevator. "it's not like you don't have a choice."

that shut you up. you still haven't got the slightest clue as to why you are really joining them for lunch. you do have the choice, you're just not choosing wisely because deep down you wanted to see him. it was weird at first, especially during the first week. it just dawned on you that you broke up with him, and yet you're standing just right in front of the table, locking eyes at him, wondering: 'what are you doing here?' then you realized. this was always how your lunches ended up. it also didn't help that he works at the same building as him, considering this is where you met him. so it shouldn't surprise you that good, whenever you see him around. but what surprises you the most, is that you always longed for the lunches, the glances over the food, the simple gestures of passing food to each other, making sure you have enough water, or to even point out a spot on your lips that you have missed. the most mundane things that you tried to dampen whatever you were feeling, because you know there could never be what the two year relationship was.

"hey," levi called out, entering the elevator as you stood there dumbfounded. "you coming or not?"

"coming."

"it won't be that bad," levi commented.

"still," you breathed deeply, crossing your arms as you dreaded for the elevator to reach the lobby. "the date's coming up, you know."

"does it count as could've-been-third-anniversary or first-year-breakup?"

"god," you cursed, stepping out of the elevator as he follows, "fuck you, levi."

both of you waited by the entrance watching the people walk by with their own lunches as they made fare on the streets in a hurry. you didn't even need to turn around to know the trio were down already because hange already tugged you outside with her hand, holding it dear as the men were all left behind to follow.

"so, where should we eat?" hange asked, glancing at you as she guided the group towards her favorite restaurant.

"seems like i already know where," you smiled, following hange's footsteps at every turn to get there.

hange only hummed in response, leaning in closer as she surveyed the solemn look on your face with sad eyes. you only rolled your eyes at her, pulling away when she held on tighter, nudging her chin towards the men behind who was busy talking. "what about the date?"

"if i hear the word date one more time, i will not hesitate to push you over that garbage can," you whispered in her ear, smiling as hange only laughed loudly, finally entering the restaurant.

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the restaurant was exactly how you would imagine it. bustling during lunch hour, quick waiters writing down the table's orders, the amount of people just surging to get their take-outs and to sit on a booth. thankfully, hange was the 'usual' customer so she can easily slither the whole group into a table.

mike only raised his brow when you and erwin took the furthest seats from each other, not even having the decency to hide the smile on his face. he huffed a little when levi and hange moved too quick to grab the other seats, having the last two seats as across from each other. you took the seat with a smile, dragging it as hange talked to the waitress for the orders that she memorized for everybody. hange sat on the head of the table immediately pulling out papers that she handed everybody in a squeal. then, she turned serious as she presented the paper.

"an itinerary," she unfolded the papers, using the clipped pen on her blouse as she discussed it over the loud music. she read the paper while your eyes almost bulged out of your face, memories flushing right at your mind. "for next week."

"nice," mike remarked, quickly reading it over with his own eyes.

it's the seven hour drive towards the beach. it was planned almost a year ago before that fucked dinner, somewhat a gift for all the hard work all of you are putting out. and you completely forgot about it. you knew this thing like the back of your hand, and you wanted to be out because everything you had planned involved erwin. down to all the couply-beach outfits that both of you had sworn to not do, but for shits and giggles, both of you agreed to do so.

"i... i..." you stuttered, holding out the paper as you racked a story to get out and everybody looked at you, even erwin, and that made you more nervous. "i have to check my schedule, i'm busy with work."

"no," levi mused, reading his paper, "boss accepted our week leave, or did you forget?"

the beach is over seven hours away in a quaint town picked by you and erwin. the restaurants were picked by hange and moblit, the hotel picked by levi, and the other activities were picked by nanaba and mike. a group outing, and you wanted out. this is pure cowardice on display because you have no idea on how to spent a whole week away from your comfort zone, and near erwin. you aren't ready for being near him for what you have done, and suddenly guilt comes crawling up your body, almost eating you alive.

"i have to check mine, too," erwin added, tucking the paper underneath his plate. his eyes wondered around the table, and eventually glanced at you while you were thankfully busy skimming it again. "you never know what's going to happen."

“yes,” you agreed, “i have unfinished work and drafts that i need to do over the week. so. i really have to check my schedule.”

“i’m betting on her to drop out of first,” mike winked at you.

“i’m on erwin,” levi shook hands with mike while hange only smirked.

“it’s like the battle of who gets to avoid each other the best,” hange commented, turning to levi and mike while they all laughed. “but we still like each other, blah, blah. yeah, okay.”

meanwhile, erwin and you were glued to your seats, mouths wide open, as they clearly read what was happening.

"still, what a lame excuse," hange muttered, clasping her hands on the table as the food finally arrived. everybody digged in, handing plates around to get fair shares of everything. levi handed his plate to hange to mike to erwin to you.

it was that sudden touch— sparks, where erwin’s fingers brushed yours when he handed you his plate, and it felt like the whole world stopped by that shared look. erwin only cleared his throat, avoiding your eyes as you hung your head low, turning to levi, a second after that felt like eternity. still, lunch went on as usual— as best as the two of you could avoid each other.

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

[lilikags]

MAY I PLS HAVE A HQ MATCHUP !!~ idk what info u want so imma just dump every thing i can think of rnᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

ok appearance-wise,,, im short;-; 156cm.. i have long black hair thats neither straight nor curly. just somewhat wavy? and im not skinny just mildy chubby. brown eyes brown-ish skin. braces !! but its hard to tell cuz i still talk normally with it(wait idk if uve seen me before.. i think u mightve.. nvm moving on)

my type or preferences in a partner is basically just TALL. i want someone rlly rlly tall. id also prefer it if theyre someone i can easily talk to/have witty banter with. i think im bi? but with a preference for guys:)

next just random stuff bout me i guess: um my friends describe me as smart and lazy. my younger brother and sister both say im the most stupid person in the world (but i get better grades than then so hAH) id say,,, im a curious person, also pretty bold cuz idgaf bout what others say. im social but like to keep to myself if yk what i mean. an ambivert basically.

at school tho,, apparently i give off a “cold, scary” vibe. idk why but thats what ppl keep telling me. bUt im rlly nice (i think) and ill talk to u if u talk to me,,, stuff like that basically.

also the lazy part is true. procrastination isnt a hobby, its my lifestyle. but i manage¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i like sleep and food. um i really dont like fish (on a plate or in the ocean) i dont wear jewelry. i am a huge perfectionist, love to organize stuff but i have the laziness which is why i barely ever finish anything skdnksd. uh i love getting into debates (about anything rlly) i dont rlly get angry or mad more just pissed off,, and that wears off pretty fast too. i like drinking room temperature milo and eating soft cookies without chocolate chips cuz j dont rlly like chocolate bUT I LOVE ELEPHANTS i have like a pile of stuffed animals next to my bed in which half are elephants so yeaaahhhh

ohhHH i play volleyball too !! and am the setter for the girls team at skl.

also i think i ended up saying a lot so hope u enjoy reading this compilation of random little things about me:D

Matchups for Haikyuu, Genshin Impact, and Epic Seven are always open!

My 200 event is going on! Find the details here.

He teases you about your height to no end. It’s an every day thing and it’s honestly a lifestyle at this point. You mind but you don’t really mind and this is how the daily “banter” starts. 

Dates are often at either your house or his, and one of the things he surprisingly likes to do is playing with your hair. You’d be watching a movie and he’s be behind you and playing with your hair. He wasn’t bad at doing hair and the hairstyles were actually pretty cute. He loves how it’s long so that he could try out all sorts of styles on it.

People kind of thought that Tsukishima would get an equally tall partner but they were WRONG. Honestly, when they saw you and found out about the two of you, they felt that Tsukishima was more “human” than he seemed. 

The way that you can’t eat certain things while you have braces- he teases you about it. He’ll buy gum and chew it just to flex that he can and you can’t. (please, i couldn’t eat tootsie rolls while i had my braces ,<//3) 

When you tell your friends that your type is tall, they instantly wanted you to hook up with Tsukishima. He’s the first person that everyone thinks of when they hear “tall”. They thought it would be quite the impossible task, even for you, but you were able to pull it off and it was so worth. 

The witty comments don’t stop. It’s one after another and it doesn’t end until either of you have nothing left to counter the last. That’s honestly like 70% of your conversation but it’s how the two of you communicate.

Whenever you’re at his house doing homework, you’re half not paying attention to it while he’s trying to get everything right, and you love teasing him about not getting a certain problem. Partly because you want to tease him but also like you’re too lazy to actually give him the answer or walk him through how to get the answer.

He is so jealous of how you’re so smart, but he literally won’t show it. Well, he will, but he’ll deny it and say that he’s pissed off at how you’re “bragging in his face about it”.

Tsukishima loves saying how “your siblings are so much better than you” but the two of you know that he values you more.

He knows that you don’t like jewelry so he’ll buy you cheap jewelry as a prank for your birthday then actually leave you something you really wanted.

Spontaneous fights but they die down quickly

He teases you for the room-temperature milo, definitely.

The two of you play volleyball often in the backyard. You’d practice combos a lot and you being a setter and Tsukishima being a middle blocker is perfect. 

[killrockabill]

azula redemptive

so this isnt a full redemption more of a setting her on the path. azula is a character i kind of identify with. i grew up in a chaotic environment and learned to “play the game” manipulate lie and occasionally throw people under the bus. at first it was just a way to get through life but then it kinda just became who i was. i have gone to counseling etc but still occasionally wonder if my feelings are real or if theyre just what theyre supposed to be. i was lucky to have people in my life. my uncle irohs but she didnt seem to. here it is.

Azula was never the type for brooding, that was more zuzu’s territory. Tonight was different. She was tired. It had been a few years since the avatar ended one hundred year war.  she had barely kept track of the actual amount of time. In the time since however; she had not grown complacent. she couldn’t. 

Zuzu had become the fire lord and seemed to be decent enough at it. At least he was capable of not destroying the fire nation with incompetence. While they were never close there was a hint of something in her that could almost be considered pride. No. Pride was the wrong word the feeling was more that of acknowledgment. He and the avatar won and that was the end of that story. 

For a time azula was unsure of her place in the universe. She had lived her life to be the true heir, to be ozai. He was a wrathful and petty god and she was his disciple. 

“ Why was that again?” She pondered. “Well what else could i be? Zuzu?” She knew she was smarter than that.

Zuko was soft and too stupid to play the game, so she used him. Every misstep, every weakness was a way to save herself from being him. Did she ever feel bad about it? Perhaps a long time ago, not that it mattered. You do something long enough you get used to it and when you get good at it you start to enjoy it. Every maneuver, every manipulation was a victory and nobody played the game like her. 

“My shadow lord” a shaky voice called from behind. The cult of ozai must have sent him. They had been useful to be sure, but she hated that name. It reminded her of the darkness within her, the same darkness her mother saw. 

“Yes?” Azula spoke finally in an exasperated tone. “What is it? i have no use of any of you right now.”

“F-forgive me. I-I have come to warn you.” he stuttered as though he were shaken by the earth itself. 

“You? Warn me? I may not be the fire lord anymore, but i am still one of the most powerful firebenders of this generation. What could be coming that I need worry?!” That was a bit more intense than she intended, but anyone who knew her knew it was her default state.

“N-nothing that i'm sure you cannot handle, b-but as your loyal servant it’s my duty. The ozai followers t-they doubt your intentions. They believe you don't intend to restore ozai to power.”

That was a fair thought seeing as she had no intention of restoring ozai to power. She had used them to challenge zuko and make him grow into the strong leader the fire nation needed. He was soft on enemies, azula being a perfect example, and not wary of friends that could turn on him as they do. 

“Hmph, well I suppose i owe you thanks. Tonight you will leave and discard any sign of joining the movement. Live a life well or not it doesn't matter to me” she hated being in debt to someone. Azula could manage some over privileged fanatics, but knowing she’ll have to get her hands a bit dirty is nice.

“M-my lady i-i-i apologize i meant no offense.  please i-“ 

Azula cut him off. “ you misunderstand. Tonight there’s going to be a … discussion, between the rest of the group. Take this and go do whatever it is you people do.” She flipped a gold piece. She couldn't be bothered to remember if he was one of the wealthy members and what's one gold piece. It was his duty to her to report and that should be rewarded. Flies and honey; perhaps if she did that back then those two. NO we are not going there azula scolded herself. Focus.

The man was still sitting there mouth agape like a fool. Was he processing what just happened? Regretting exposing his comrades? If he betrays her and lets them know she's coming she will live up to the darkness that earned her the title shadow lord. 

“I don’t know what you are waiting for, but go. I have an appointment.”  Azula walked past him. Ordinarily any threat of a stanger betraying her and leading her to a trap would be subdued by their fear of her. Azula learned that was not a guarantee the hard way. Her shoulder aches like an old woman from ty lee’s strike. That wasn’t what azula had heard about chi blocking, but maybe this hit was deeper. 

“FOCUS” azula chided herself “her of all people.  Yes, I did use fear to keep them in line but I was good to her. I tried at least. There weren’t many who’s tears could get to me. Fuck, enough. You need to deal with these fools”

Azula had reached the door to where the cult of ozai held their meeting. A Modest wooded shack near where Azula was. It benefited them to be out of the way and not get attention. Azula paused and thought “alright put on the scary eyes” before making her entrance. You could hear the conversation screech to a halt.

“My lady! Welcome, what brings you? New plans rid us of your brother?” One finally broke the silence. The fool that was their leader before azula had seized control. 

The gaul to pretend like they werent just talking about turning on her. Did they know who they were dealing with? She was no longer princess azula daughter of ozai; she was the god now. 

“Its come to my attention that some of us feel breaking my father, ozai out of prison. Let me clear ozai was a fool who bit off more than he could chew trying to conquer the world. He’s weak now spoiled by everyone's fear of him he lost to a child.”

“You speak out of turn little girl. You wouldn’t be so brave as to say that in his presence!” One of them burst out. 

“Ah, yes the withered old man that has been in shackles for how many years?” Azula genuinely could not remember anymore. “I am a prodigy trained by the finest benders this nation has to offer. The bender that conquered ba sing se. Even with his bending he lost to an avatar that I beat. “ 

Azula wasn’t bragging. This was the fight. Subduing them without having to lift a finger. What happens when azula needs to lift a finger? Well, let's say azula would oblige in earnest. She could tell most of them had already seemed to understand. Any of them try something it’ll end one way. She’d won the fight before they could even try; perhaps she should write a book azula mused. “Azulas art of war”. 

The only one not to flinch was their leader. His smile from when he greeted her did not waiver. He must have something in mind, as he would have no way of defeating her in single combat.

“My princess, perhaps you’re right there is something unclear about our partnership.” He started, as calm as can be. “ you are a talented bender to be sure, but without your father’s backing you’re simply an unstable little girl. Your usefulness is only in name and furthering our reputation.” 

Usefulness? This commoner did not just reference her as a prop in their machinations. This was when azula began to get heated, literally. Around her the air began to warm until the air around her blurred like that of the air around an open flame. The room had become unbearably hot for the others, but azula the dragon she was, could handle much more.

Azula let out a sigh. “Unstable?!? Lets be clear you work for me! Not the other way around. I have seen and done more in life let alone for the fire nation than you will in what is about to become a shortened life!” 

Parts of azula began to catch fire as her rage seethed. Zuzu may have been a lame turtle duck of a brother, but he did show her the usefulness of adapting different bending styles. The fire on her crawled across her body into a sphere in her hands. Though the leader had prepared for a direct strike; azula had something else prepared. She slammed her hand on the floor and allowed the fire ball to be pressed on the ground exploding out in a circle around her. 

The cabin had caught fire and many of the cultists were sent flying into the walls and scattered like the insects they were. Azula had practiced that move for some time and understood why strong earth benders would use an impact like strike like that. It was an effective way to combine offence and defense, and not to mention oddly satisfying. 

Azula may have been willing to kill if necessary but leaving them broken was the better choice. She snuffed out the fire leaving the smoke cloud to cover her exit. That should be a clear message to anyone. Princess azula is done.

Fire lord zuko did not need his shadow lord anymore. Azula hated to admit zuko had become a passable fire lord. The land prospered, and while zuko is about peace hes is firmer on asserting influence in world. The fire nation is still a force to be reckoned with and she was as influential in it as the avatar or that slob of an uncle. There wasn’t much to do here. Azula wasnt sure what the next move was, but there were things that needed to be drawn before action could be taken. 

The palace at the fire nation capital. It was much like she remembered less a gaudy statue of her father. The way the paths lead by lantern fire flowed like a living flame. It was soft enough to have a cozy warmth like that of the hearth. If she missed anything the most of the old princess lifebit was how home loosened tension. This unfortunately was not a vacation.

Her brother liked to sit near the water where the woman and him sat. Only two kyoshi to guard him, I suppose if azula was an average attacker that would do. Azula could already feel the exhaustion this is going to come from this

She waited seated at the spot he typically stops at. 

“AZULA” ah that raspy broody voice is never, not funny. He growls like a cub caught without a mother. “What are you doing here?! Trying to cause more trouble for me to clean up? Trying to take the throne?

“Oh zuzu all I’m doing is sitting here. Come I wish to speak to you, as civilly as possible. I’ll even allow one of your fangirls chi block my arms.

A laugh broke the tension “that's even funnier the second time around azula” that cheery pitch could only be one person. Azula perked up in her seat.

“Ty lee, im glad you’re here too. Wait that sounded ominous. I mean the sight of you is pleasant.” Not exactly how she thought things would go they were supposed to be separate. “Well that’s best anyway it’d make the noodle arm treatment feel less awkward when it’s someone you know.” 

“Hey that makes this easy”  with two jabs azulas arms and therefore lightning wre off the table.  “I just want you to know. I am still scared of you, but that fear makes me want to stop it.”

“Ah-um ty lee… i don’t expect you to and ill understand if you say no but i'd like to speak with you after.” Azulas voice was gentle when it reached ty lee.

Ty lee paused to glance back. She was shaken at the thought. Of course she would be what else should she be? Happy? She said it herself she was scared of azula and you cant have friends with that or they betray you. 

“Lets try this one first.”

Azula was impressed at how ty lee could not only give a non answer and still leave someone hopeful. After the war, thinking through things during training sessions, azula had a new perspective on ty lee. Azula never doubted her prowess for a second, but being such a skilled people reader and least suspect of manipulation. She was everything azula was not and then some. Where azula scanned for weakness ty lee scanned the person. Where azula would use fear to bend to her will ty lee was playing the long game with positive reinforcement. Azula needed her to know that and more.

“There.” Zuko barked. “Now state your business.”

“Zuzu, you’re not meant for impressions, that was the worst ‘father’ i've ever heard. I'm leaving the capital and maybe even the fire nation. “

“Why?” Zuko was confused, what would be her next move. other nations aren’t helpless and its not like Zuko would leave them to her.

“What is there for me here? Zuko, youre the fire lord ive made my peace with that. You were too soft when you first got the throne, and while not all of my actions were always so benevolent; after a while it was about keeping you on alert dealing with the changing world. Making sure you had fangs. Father, ozai, had beat you to submission for so long and only at the end of the war did you begin standing.

“You think you were helping me? Training me in some insane way?!” Azula knew he’d be this way.

“Heavy lies the crown on the head of the ruler zuko. I should know i had it for a couple hours and lost my mind.” Azula chuckled at the memory. A foolish child who had nobody left to manipulate and nobody she trusted, of course shed crack. “You don't have to believe me. Im not sure I believe me. If i couldn't be the fire lord, I'd help mold him, I thought. You're still too soft with other nations in my opinion but you can manage. You’ve proven that.”

“And why tell me instead of just going?” Zuko had began to calm down, perhaps the avatar was rubbing off on him.

“The very reason i had to have my arms chi blocked. You fear me. Sure, you could fend me off with your friends but you know i am not something you would want to face. Now you know you dont have to look over your shoulder, at least not for me.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Zuko lowered his tone. If azula were plotting it could’ve worked here.

“No. I expect the next few weeks you’ll be on high alert. You’ll be upping security in cities and in constant communication with smaller settlements. Most importantly, you will be training. You Want to know that if we cross blazes, you will win. That is why i am leaving that response to an unseen threat? Exactly as a fire lord should be.” He won't look at it practically, at this point what is there for azula to be here. the only reason to keep this up is to take that throne, the one that broke her, it may be rightfully hers but she was not rightfully its. It was owed to her but she was not owed to it.

“Listen zuko, we’ve both seen ozai for what he is. The man who needed his teenage daughter to take ba sing se because he never could. The shortest reigning fire lord who faced an avatar that had only one year of training on the day he was at his peak. He called you a loser, and always asserted dominance because that was the only way to get people to not see the pathetic incompetent man with good enough luck to have me. Looking at you now he missed an opportunity at a useful tool.”

“People aren’t tools azula.” The father talk began to itch at zukos emotional scabs. 

“That was the way of the house, and you never learned that. You were too blind or stupid to think ‘whats the right answer’. That is why i was favored. Not luck, i played the game. Not unlike my friend ty lee, there did with me. She saw me.” It appears that azula had some scabs still too. She felt like her skin was raw and each word was hard to spit out.

“It doesnt matter” she took a breath “it would shame the fire nation anyway having to change leaders every few years. Just take my words and do what you will with them.”  Azula was done, this had already been more a spectacle than she cared for. 

“Ok, now what you stroll out the front door? We should take you in. That’d interrupt your trip. What now?”

“Oh zuzu, you are so on guard still. Good. I’ve an exit lined up out if the way so nobody questions my presence. If you take me in? Why? So i can escape THEN leave? Just extra steps. I dont mind waiting however. I think we both got something from this conversation.”

The air was warm. Unseasonably warm, its him. Azula wondered if this was coincidence or if he made hes own version of her technique. Now azula was tense. Impressive brother, but these are your options. 

Finally, a high pitched intervention. “Uhum, fire lord zuko she also wanted to have a talk with me too. Maybe while you think about what to do with her I can see what she wants to say.” 

“Are you sure? If she tries something.” Big brother of the year hm. Hopefully mai watches her back azula mused. 

“Zuko im a big girl. Plus you’ll be in holler distance. Just keep an eye out.” Ty lee turned to azula. “Im going to sit next to you now, and if you try to bend at me or kick me i will be very upset.” There it was. Azula looked in awe at how she managed to channel a determined child while making it clear there will be consequences for any transgressions. Azula truly was a fool like her father before her, failing to see what’s right in front of her.

“Hi azula. You wanted to talk?” She tried to keep the pep but ty lee couldn’t help but be nervous. Azula was one Of the most dangerous people in the fire nation. 

“I did. Thank you. Even though you know there’s a chance i could actually be up to something leading to you or something or someone you care about because all youve ever seen from me is wrath. So, thank you.”

“Ppft, im sorry azula I really am and you’re right i wasnt sure but that awkward rambling reminded me of that day at the beach.”

“ARE YOU MOCKING ME?! I came here and let you chi block me. Do yoy you know what this feels like? Limp noodles where my arms should be.”

“No, no, azula i swear it just shows there's still some of the good in you. Your aura is less vlack more a...deep watertribe navy blue. Theres also the temper still i see” ty lee tried not to give azula a reason to get heated. 

“Oh. I see. Well regardless of the context tgat was rude”

“Yes it was, sorry.” She gave azula the eyes that always got to her. 

“Its fine. I may have also been a tiny bit intense there.” Azula hated this. She was a prodigy. Which meant apologies and social interaction were unnecessary. 

“Ok. Lets try again. ‘Now state your business’” imitating zukos growl of a voice. It got a genuine laugh iut of azula. It had been a while since she laughed at all. 

“How do you do that? Just lull people into a state of placation and lowering their guards.” Azula regrouped.

“Its not a trick like you said. Well, mostly not. I do watch people and learn what i can, but its so i dont do anything to start upsetting people. And the rest is just i have a calming aura” 

“So you’re just a pure sweet roll in this terrible world?” Azula was proud. She made a quip that didnt sound threatening. That practice wasnt for nothing at least.

“I dont know about that. All I do know is that if we try the world doesn’t have to be terrible.  You’ve changed azula. I can see it. Not just your aura either. You meant at least half of what you said i can feel it.”

“Half? That's more generous than i would be in your shoes. I appreciate that and would love to girl talk i think time’s coming so ill jump to it. I want you to know the same as zuzu. I dont have plans for revenge for the prison. I also wanted to say… im sorry. You may have noticed my opinion of my father has changed and as his heir, his duplicate its making me think i need to redefine me. Clearly our way didnt work. I held you and mai by a leash and when it came down to it who do you side with the leash wearer or holder. I’m sorry it happened that way and what it’s probably done since, but there it is. 

Ty lee remained silent.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me or even believe me. I just thought, you of all people deserved that much even from a monster like me.” The silence coming from ty lee was worse than any words she could have said. Each second of waiting for any kind of reply was tourture. Ty lee was never the silent type, so as expected she probably won’t accept it. That's fine azula didnt need her to; she didn’t need her or anyone for that matter. Beasts dont always have packs, especially the most vicious ones. 

Ty lee stood up and took a few paces. Azula watched and simply thought ‘there she goes. She may be giving azula an out as a courtesy, ehich is more than she expected.

“You're not a monster.”  Ty lee's silence finally broke. Her tone was quiet and somber. 

“Youre not a good person. Youre Probably one of the worst friends I’ve had, but we were friends. I dont know how much to believe you, but you’ve apologized for hurting my feelings before in more casual moments. The time away may be good for you. I tell you what, I’ll accept your apology for the both of us. I’ll know i gave you one last shred of trust and if how things ended truly bothered you it can stop now.”

Azula was stunned. She shouldn’t have been. That reaction was as textbook as azula threatening a subordinate. Azula should be a little more at peace now, but she isnt. It hurts. Here was a kind strong woman who managed to make something of herself and azula was nothing anymore. A vagrant who couldn’t do what she was raised to do for a few hours. Kindness and compassion were underused thongs for azula but clearly they’re good for something. 

“Ty lee” azula choked on the words. How pathetic. How embarrassing. On the verge of tears because she was not a monster to ty lee. 

“ thank you ty lee. I didnt and still don’t deserve your friendship, but i think you did something to me. I dont know what, but something. You may go if you wish. I think i want to wait and see what zuko has to say”

“I’ll put in a good word for you. You called him ‘zuko’ most of the time you talked to him. You're a bit confusing right now but I think that might be a good thing.”

“Ha, oh ty lee you have too much faith in people. I could still be the monster in your closet. Don't ever change that.” Azula needed everything in her to not cry, not in front of them. Not again. Never again

Ty lee turned back to face azula. “And you have too little faith. That's ok though, i may not need to change but I really hope you are.” She smile md at azula. It was a soft smile like the glow of a candle in the night and just as warm. How she could manage a real smile towards azula was beyond her. It was beautiful and it had a way of crushing azula. 

Ty lee was gone. Not far, as zuko still had to be in the garden somewhere. Azula was glad for that she could breath and focus on the next hurdle. Getting out with noodle arms would be difficult but not impossible. They were so put at ease about the arms they didnt think of any attacks she could do with her legs. If it came down to it she would set enough of a blaze to keep them occupied and run to her escape location. 

Zuko and the others returned. He had a stoney look on his face more grim than broody. Azula cant be surprised its bad news, but it was less than ideal. Ty lee stood next to him. Had she kept her word and gave her a chance? Or was that just to encourage me to stay. She had been bitten once and was twice as shy nowadays.

“Ty lee mentioned your talk went well. Im glad you didnt try to kick or bite her.”

“Zuzu, what do you take me for a platypus bear or something?”

“Or something” zuko remarked. It was a fair enough jab azula decided. 

“She told me you seem lost in the world. If this is true, we can help. Theres the beach house so you dont have to interact with people unless you want to. We can get you treated like someone in our family should be. You can help us do good for a change.”

“Where do you people get this faith?! I do not intend on being a ward or high end prisoner. I do not belong here, and cannot promise you I’ll be what you want. For all we know i'll turn on you like i have a dozen times over.” Azula could not tell if he really was that foolish or if she should be offended at the patronizing proposition. “No, if im to become something, someone, else it has to be away from here.

Zuko stood silent for a moment. “Very well, but i want you to know that any action against a fire nation citizen is an action on me. the way you and i have been going for years seems to only have one end so i hope you mean all of this. You may go on the condition a kyoshi warrior shadows you for a while.”

“The ones in the elaborate dresses, white, make up and golden fans? Im sure theyll be like a shadow in the night. Though I suppose it could be worse. If i get left alone they will be left alone, just so we’re clear.” Azula hated being followed, but if its just for a while she can put up with it. 

“They’ll watch and see if you're just up to old tricks. You'll get a head start and they'll catch up so you won't be sure they are present. If they determine youre no longer a threat they will leave you.”

“Interesting proposal Zuko spoken like a benevolent leader. I accept.” Azula stood up, and was a little off balance because of the arms but they began to come back to her. “I… suppose that's it then brother. I’ll do you a favor and make it so my way in cannot be used again. We may not see eachother again, so farewell. remember, you are the dragon not some toothless herbivore. Dont embarrass us.” There was an awkward melancholy to azulas voice. They were never siblings in the traditional sense and she did try to kill him. A lot. Still, it’ll be sad to not get under his skin anymore even just a little. 

“Goodbye azula. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for. If all of this is true my offer will stand.” 

Azula had nothing to say. She couldn’t. She fully intends to be gone, and yet he leaves the door open? It’s embarrassing, its offensive, and somehow its cruel. Azula living the rest of her days in a place designed to make her complacent? No. She may not want the throne but she will not be a pet.” 

Azula nodded and walked away. He was as good a brother as you could get in this family and she was as bad a sister as you could get in this family. That bridge is burned whether he realizes or not. 

Now all that was left for azula was to decide where to go. That entire exchange left her raw and exhausted. Zuko may have had a point, the beach wasn’t far and a small coma would be nice. A stop off there get some nation neutral clothes and see where the wind take her. It was as good a plan as any for now. 

When she finally reached the shore and looked up the stairs to the childhood beach house the exhaustion set in. How long had it been since she slept? More than 24 hours to be sure. Azula dropped to her knees and felt the sand beneath her. Soft, like ty lee's smile. 

“No.” Azula dismissed. Now was not the time to reminisce. This sand was once a rock. It could have been a rock that punctured war ships sinking them to their doom, or a smaller rock cutting the food of an unwitting beach goers foot. Azula was that rock. Was she being worn down into sand? Was that ok? Everything in this world wears down, so why not her? If she could be half of what this sand was, pleasant soft and comforting perhaps that wouldn't be so bad.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 17

umm idk what all got asked... s4s skin, castools, uploading sims, updating hairs, some compliments (thank you). oh and coupure electrique (my 2nd hair) makes a comeback; does anyone have pokemon sword and are willing to trade me some exclusives (i have shield)

Anonymous said: Hey, I just downloaded your Allison hair and it looks lovely! Just wanted to let you know that it is tagged as short hair, and not tagged for cold and hot weather, just in case you wanted to fix that.

hey! that hair came out before Seasons so anything pre June 2018 isn’t gonna be tagged there. I am going to update all the hairs I want to update (Allison is one of them) over my Christmas break so I will update it then and fix the tags + some small issues with the hair (edge splitting, specular) :)

@simmerapple​ said:💜💮🌷🌸✨This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out ✨🌸🌷💮💜

thank you <3 

Anonymous said: Hiya gorgeous! Wanna start off by saying that I absolutely LOVE your hairs, I have like every single one installed in my game. I love your shorter version of the long University hair and want to download it, however, I don’t want to override the EA one. Is this something I could change for myself in sims 4 studio so that it won’t override? If so, would you be willing to share quick instructions? Totally understand if it’s a no though! Keep making your beautiful work! ❤️

Anonymous said: do u plan on releasing a standalone version of your university waves hair replacement?? :0

Anonymous said: Can you make a non default replacement as well for your Universuty hair too? Have a nice day

Anonymous said: can you make that default hair replacement for discover universty non default?

Anonymous said: so that replacement hair would be an override of the one with university? is there any way we could have it as a stand-alone item?

Anonymous said: Is your university hair a default replacement? It’s super cute, but i like the original hair too and don’t wanna replace it completely. thanks in advance 

i need to get around to doing it sdcfgvhb I am just so lazy. I will try and do it this week while I am on thanksgiving break and have extra time

Anonymous said: hi i hope you're doing well! i'm so sorry if this is a dumb question but how do you access the meshes so fast? can't wait to get my hands on your new hairstyles, they're very pretty!!

CASTools :) I have it linked on my resource page. If you need help learning how to do it feel free to DM me on discord. I have helped numerous creators learn how to use it lmao

Anonymous said: you honestly outdo yourself every time. thanks for spending you time to give us such amazing cc ❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️  Anonymous said: Your CC just keeps on getting better and better!! I fall in love with every single one!!! 

thank you so much <3

Anonymous said: It’s funny how you seem to be using dogsills hairs lately lmao. He probably forced you to get clout lmao

hjdfkshkdjf how would he force me to use them 💀💀 I just don’t have many hairs in my game besides my own so there aren’t many to pick from

@whocouldchuckwood​ said: I honestly cannot wait for you to release the WIP's that you showed on stream. The longish wavy hair tucked behind one ear, and that bun/ponytail with the bangs in front are just...*chefs kiss* Everything you do is stunning though. Ive never downloaded something from you and not liked it. Thank you so much for all that you do for this community. You're unbelievably talented. XO

thank youuu, lmao the long wavy behind the ears will be coming in december

Anonymous said: Could you maybe set a date when to upload your sims so you can tell us when. Just a request, it would be helpful if you could answer. Not trying to rush you.  Anonymous said: One more thing, did you change the bone structure from when they were first uploaded. Are Joella Blount and Jada Burke the same person but with different eyebrows?

I am wanting to by 2019 I just have so much to do fgvhbjn plus I change them around a lot so we will see what happens. I actually made a post for Jada that is in my drafts but I hate it now

yes their bone structure is a lot different now

I honestly don’t remember. I know my red headed model is my Claire sim upload I just changed her around a bit. 

Anonymous said: why did you make the pigtails style, the p**nstar pigtails. i was going to be a patreon but not for that freak crap, yuck

well I didn’t think they looked like that and I didn’t preview them as that ever so... chill

Anonymous said: Would you ever consider making a tutorial? Maybe for patrons?

I am so bad at explaining stuff and I have wanted to do a blender basics tutorial for hair but there is just so much and i am not sure anymore. You are free to DM me any questions though. 

@everythingmysass​ said: Ugh Austin thank you king for the hairs they’re literally the only ones I allow my sims to use (esp the crystal hair bc it’s hard to find cute curly textured hairs) keep up the AMAZING work!!

<3 <3 I am glad you like Crystal lmao I rarely see anyone using that hair. Thank you!!

Anonymous said: Hi I love your sims 4 studio model it's so pretty I was wondering if you would ever consider uploading it if not it's fine I just thought I would ask

I think I have uploaded it in the comments of one of my youtube videos LMAO let me see if she is on SFS; ok she wasn’t but I uploaded her. You just put this file in your Sims 4 Studio Mods folder and reopen S4S. link

@squishybuttercup​ said: You dont have to answer this or anything. I just want to share that when I first switched to mm hairs my first thought was “I could start with AH00B’s hairs theyre good” and well no regrets!! Just an appreciation on how you encouraged me to develop my sim style and start to discover other amazing cc creators such as you💕 HAVE A LOVELY DAY!!

omg :( thank youu for thinking of me first lmao. my stuff is really simple compared to other stuff creators come up with. This is a late reply but have an amazing day as well 

Anonymous said: Hey I love watching your twitch streams but I hear you sometimes chewing on your gum in the background and I have something called misophonia. I get really anxious and irritated when hearing people chew,nail biting,live singing,couching and so many other things. It’s something I have deal with all my life. Sometimes I really hate myself because of it.

fghjbnk this is late too but I am sorry you had to deal with that. I saw this and didn’t even remember chewing gum but i made sure not to do it on my streams after it. Sorry again <3 and don’t hate yourself bc of something like that. It it just who u are

Anonymous said: You're just cranking out theses awesome meshes. Keep up the great work!

LMAO i did so much the past few months cfgvhbn I am gonna chill in December and January i think. I did 5 hairs in june, 7 in July + some of the AxA clothing, 5 in September, 5 in October + ADA clothes, and then this month i did 5 hairs again tfgvhbjn i honestly don’t know how i managed to keep decent grades in school but so far so good :) finals in like 2 weeks and it looks promising (i hope fgvhbjn)

Anonymous said: Hey! I absolutely ADORE all of your hairs - you're my absolutely favorite CC hair creator of all. I wanted to ask if you will ever update your Coupure Electrique hair to be hat compatible? (It's my favorite hair of yours!) On another note, would it be possible to ever have a version of the Kira hair without the buns? Thank you so much for your time, have an amazing day!!

my coupure electrique hair is being replaced by Karley LMAO. look at them... ian saw the karley hair when I was making it and was like “didnt you already make that?” and he was talking about coupure electrique and like.. yup. Karley is much much much much better though

Anonymous said: This is going to be a really strange question xD. I really love how you use that google doc item index for your collabs... is there anyway you could do a small tutorial on how to do that?

I can next time I make one lmao, spring break maybe not sure don’t quote me

Anonymous said: Omg another pack!? You’re pumping them out like hot cakes, i like it.

yes

[krisiverse]

@theowomaster @slightlyunofficial nothing would make me happier >:]

Sexuality Headcanon: bi!!!

Gender Headcanon: terezi is nonbinary as FUCK and uses they/them pronouns and i will die on this hill

A ship I have with said character: karezi is my otp, then theres daverezi, davekarezi, and pale roserezi. rarepair is dirkrezi which is because no one has seen the light of Terezi Trans (dirk is still gay!! im not erasing that) and ive seen jaderezi around, which seems nice but i dont ship it actively

A BROTP I have with said character: sollux and nepeta!! give us that good good friendship

A NOTP I have with said character: nobody better ship gam/rezi

A random headcanon: terezi is autistic+adhd!!! they have trouble with emotional regulation and volume control and genuinely dont notice how loud theyre talking most of the time. they stim with chewing and echolalia a LOT, along with clicking their claws and texture/taste/scent stims. theyre very particular about the texture of their food, but not so much about taste.

terezi owns dozens of chewies, all of which are broken because they chew so aggressively. they also chew on their plushies and glasses sometimes but they have to be really gentle and careful not to damage them. once they chewed through part of their pyralspite plushie and cried and had to send it to kanaya to fix.

General Opinion over said character: so basically that me. my kin list isnt on here but i do have one and terezi has an entire "core" section all to themself. i think about them basically 24/7 and this is just a tiny fraction of my thoughts on them

[jihyosforehead]

can i get some seulrene angst please

delicious yes i got u (fair warning this is pre long!!!)  …

seulrene meet in their university library

irene is sitting alone at her regular table, trying and failing to study for her advanced statistics test

in the middle of daydreaming about dropping out, seulgi turns up asking if she can sit at irenes table bc everywhere else is full

irene blinks and stares dumbly bc seulgi is lowkey the most adorable human being she has ever seen (the sweater paws are doing something to her heart)

and irene is distracted because seulgi is watching her lecture, knees pulled to her chest, elbows propping her head up, the tips of her fingers peaking out from her sleeves. irene feels her stomach flip uncomfortably

seulgi comes to her table again the next day and the day after that and at the end of the fourth time they sit together, seulgi starts leaving irene little snacks and finally introduces herself after realising she doesnt actually know irenes name

eventually they hang out outside of the library and realise they have mutual friends (seulgi with wendy and irene with yeri; and yeri and wendy with each other)

one day their whole group was meant to hang out but literally everyone bailed citing “personal emergencies” but seulrene didn’t realise this until theyre sitting in a cafe just the two of them

and it’s awkward at first but irene makes a joke about their friends being dumb and they go into this whole tangent of stories about their lives and they look at the time and they might as well get dinner since it’s late and they still wanna continue their conversation

irenes never met a person who could make her scream laugh so loud that people start staring

irenes regular table at the library becomes irene and seulgi’s regular table at the library and somewhere between that day in the cafe and right now, thursday afternoon approximately 3:43pm, does irene realise she has the biggest fattest crush on seulgi

and so she remembers seulgi’s fav snacks, remembers when seulgi’s tests are and helps her study for them, remembers her favourite movies and exhibitions she wants to see, remembers where she always loses her keys and has a sixth sense for when seulgi’s about to trip over her feet

and seulgi for all her clumsiness has a knack for understanding irene’s cold front and chips away at it, and it’s too late for irene to realise that seulgi has crawled her way into her heart and taken up permanent residence there

(she thinks she doesnt mind it)

seulgi runs off to the bathroom for a second and the open notebook catches her eye and irene finds herself picking it up to look at it more closely and it’s a drawing of her, looking otherworldly, almost unreal and irene is shookt. the book slips out of her hands and it lands on another page and it’s irene sipping some coffee, she flips the page and it’s of irene taking a nap, flips the page and it’s irene laughing - the notebook is snatched out of her hands unexpectedly and irene looks up to seulgi is standing there red-faced, stammering, apologetic and horrified but at the same time shes trying to be stern like “you cant just look at peoples things without permission! !!!1!” but irene is just like “this is how you see me?” and it’s a soft™ moment and seulgi has developed foot in mouth syndrome and is like “well yeah! u kind of mean everything 2 me u absolute dumbass !!!”

they start dating - to absolutely no ones surprise

their first kiss is in the middle of a lowkey night, theyre watching movies on irenes laptop in her dorm and sharing a blanket - tbh irene stopped watching the movie about 20 mins ago in place of studying seulgi’s side profile in wonder, her fingers twitching trying not to brush the strand of hair away from seulgi’s forehead. she settles for arranging the blanket more securely around seulgi’s shoulders just in case shes cold, you know? seulgi’s watching her the whole time and when irene looks up, seulgi’s eyes are just sparkly with fond affection and maybe love? but that thought is quickly cut off when seulgi presses her lips to irenes, so softly and gently and carefully that irene feels tears prick the corners of her eyes, she feels like shes going to break

but after that theres so many kisses. kisses in the library, forehead kisses, kisses before class, after class, any time in between; did well on a test? a kiss! did really badly on a test? a kiss!! maybe even an extra one! courtyard kisses, kisses in irenes dorm, in seulgi’s dorm, kisses at breakfast, lunch and dinner, just so many kisses!!

it’s a quiet sunday and seulgi and irene are redoing irenes dorm because seulgi scuffed the wall so badly it needs repainting and why not make a day of it? so here irene is, painting the wall, where it meets the floor bc her gf is clumsy but she is adorable and irene is in love, she thinks she’ll remember this day when theyre old and wrinkly and married

irene notices seulgi pulling away, distancing herself, acting weirdly guilty about something? irene thinks maybe shes done something wrong? is seulgi getting tired of her? tired of the relationship? it goes on for awhile and theres a heavy tension between them so thick, it’s almost tangible. and then one day when seulgi’s bailed on another date, irene shuts down. doesn’t know what to think. maybe seulgi doesnt love her anymore? maybe shes bored? irene knows that sometimes she can be really heavy handed with her affection but ever since seulgi’s pulled away, irene figured that maybe she wants space

seulgi turns up at irenes dorm, uninvited. irene swings the door open to find her gf looking equal parts sheepish and guilty. but shes holding a bag of food from irenes favourite restaurant, irene lets her in.

seulgi explains, hand rubbing the back of her neck, that when she gets into a funk, she just needs to go off and think on her own and is apologising for shutting irene out. irene is quick to forgive her. but as the night goes on, it’s clear that seulgi is feeling guilty for some other reason and when asked, seulgi just. she looks so sad

“a few weeks before we met, i applied for this arts school and i got a letter about 2 weeks ago saying that i got in. it’s really competitive and they only have a few spots available for international students and I didn’t think I’d even get in and I forgot but i got in. I got in,” seulgi whispers. almost as if, any louder and the words would be real.

“did u think i was going to beg you to stay here or something?” irene asks, softly. seulgi frowns deeply.

“no. i knew you were gonna tell me to go. but i don’t want to go. i want to be here with you,” seulgi tells her, desperately, voice cracking.

“u huge idiot, do u think that i wouldnt wait for u??? i would wait forever u huge dumbass!!!!”

the evening takes an obvious downturn. but they try not to notice. the next few weeks are seulrene trying to spend as much time together as possible. irene is trying her best to memorise what seulgi feels like in her arms; how she breathes when she’s asleep; the noises she makes when irene is pinning her to the sheets, marking her neck purple with bruises; how seulgi looks like shes close to tears when irenes made her laugh so hard that she snorts; the little fond sighs seulgi sends irenes way when she catches her staring over their morning coffee; how small she looks in an oversized sweater with the sleeves engulfing her hands completely; the way seulgi’s hands feel, fingers threaded through hers; how she likes to kiss irenes shoulder when theyre in bed; how for some reason when seulgi eats chewing with her mouth open it’s adorable instead of disgusting; and how irene is constantly brushing crumbs off seulgi’s clothes. irene tries her best to remember the slip of seulgi’s spine; the way she looks fully sated and satisfied; how seulgi’s eyes, dark and wide, always regard her with warm, open affection; how they can lay side by side in bed saying nothing for hours but irene doesnt need to hear words to know what seulgi’s feeling

but irene knows it isnt enough

because 2 weeks later, seulgi’s on a plane to paris with irenes heart in her hands and the kiss they share in the airport feels bitterly like a final goodbye

seulgi lands and sends irene photos of her food and the buildings and the friends she’s already made. and irene smiles wistfully

they facetime, and send each other texts every few hours, and schedule “dates” but the distance is so palpable that irene feels her heart ache something new whenever she sees seulgi’s red-rimmed eyes, yawning while sipping on a huge mug of coffee

“we should break up,” irene says. she can feel her heart crack at her own words, the tears visible on seulgi’s lashes even through the shitty facetime quality

“w-why?” seulgi sniffs

“because this isn’t working for us, this distance is going to ruin us completely,” irene finds herself saying, voice wooden and stiff. and she knows shes right because she knows seulgi’s grades arent as good as they could be and irene has failed a test and an assignment already

“wait for me,” seulgi is begging and irene is nodding her head frantically, promising tearfully over and over again that she would wait forever if she had to

so they break up that tuesday night, seulgi in paris and irene in korea. this has to be the worst facetime she’s ever had in her whole life.  

it hurts like nothing shes ever imagined, irene thinks shes never cried this much in her life. and she thinks shes doing well but she catches a whiff of seulgi’s perfume on her hoodie one day and it starts a fresh wave of gut-wrenching tears and her heart cracks into tiny, little pieces all over again

they don’t speak for literal years

but irene knows seulgi’s doing pretty well; she’s already held a few exhibitions, according to wendy. irenes graduated and doing okay for herself at a nice cushy job

wendy didn’t tell her that seulgi was back in korea though, but irene is pretty sure seulgi is back because she would recognise that laugh and perfume anywhere

seulgi turns around and her eyes finds irenes and seulgi is making a beeline towards her. irenes pulse is jumping erratically

“hey irene, it’s been awhile,” seulgi says, giving her a warm look. she looks older. more mature. holds herself like she knows shes grown up. but, irene thinks, fondly, painfully, her voice is exactly the same. wraps irenes name in her mouth exactly the same as she did 6 years ago

“hey,” irene replies, with a smile of her own.

“i want to introduce you to someone,”seulgi says, a grin turning up her face, and beckons a tall, intimidatingly beautiful woman over, “this is sooyoung,” seulgi’s smile grows even brighter and irene feels her heart plummet, connecting the dots, “my fiancee.”

“o-oh, it’s very nice to meet you,” irene is saying, trying her best to sound sincere but she sounds so monotone and robotic and wooden, her throat is closing up and her heart has almost stopped completely, and she has to leave before she starts crying all over seulgi again

so maybe seulgi moved on without telling irene

and maybe irene never moved on. and maybe irene had always waited around for seulgi

maybe waiting forever wasn’t a good idea after all, irene thinks wryly, sitting in her apartment alone, uselessly wiping hot tears from her face that don’t seem to stop no matter how much she tries

irenes not sure how, but it hurts more than that night 6 years ago and shes never felt a pain so profound that it goes all the way to her bones; shes sitting on the floor crying and she feels so ridiculous for thinking this but shes looking at the spot where the wall meets the floor and she realises she didn’t paint it very well