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cheer-soli-art · 3 years ago

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It was a good year for art

Commentary for each artwork under the cut :D

February - biblically accurate bam - This was back when the jokes of ‘biblically accurate (insert noun here)’ had really hit mainstream, or maybe I just finally got inspiration to do something about this topic. Since Bam is the night, I added the usual night symbols of moons and stars. The waves at the bottom represent how the tides change with the cycle of the moon, and it ties in well with the idea of Bam being a ‘new wave’ in the Tower.

March - double city - An artwork that I haven’t released anywhere on the internet until today, as it was part of a school exhibition. The idea behind it was taking the place I grew up in and the city I lived in at the time and merging them into one location, representing how I am influenced by both cultures.

April - Marpril Colors Series - 17 Azure - This was a series of sketches I did over March and April, as a countdown for my return from Tower’s Tale (TT) hiatus. During these months, I was busy with school stuff and working on TT, so I didn’t have much time or desire to make other artworks.

May - Part 1_Page 201 - I started working on this TT page in December of the previous year, as the scene this page is a part of was important for me (oh, and the plot too). I was still practicing a new style, and though I don’t like it as much now, I still think it was worth the experimentation.

June - yanfei.jpg - This one was part of a Six Fanart Challenge that I never finished. Whoops. Anyways, I drew her because she’s the character that I’ve played with the most. I’m really proud of how I was able to capture most of the details, especially that staff, haha.

July - KBWday5.PNG - Ah, yes. The KhunBam month, where I spend 3 weeks thinking about what to post only for me to procrastinate on it until KhunBam Week arrives. I like this artwork because it’s where I finally started using references (lol), as well as understanding more organic backgrounds.

August - glitterandgold_01 - One of the two artworks I made for a WIP Big Bang. This is also the first artwork of the entire year that I finished on my laptop instead of my phone, as I had lost my stylus and only bought a new one around this time. I like that I was able to carry the dramatic mood from the sketch to the final version.

September - Part 1_Page 237 - There wasn’t a lot of artwork activity this month, apart from TT, so here is another page I’m really proud of. I wanted to communicate the overwhelming difference in power between the characters, so the pages before have a lot of open paneling and negative space that progressively build up to this one, which covers nearly the entire background in green. The frame around Goseng and Bam is actually the same proportions as the usual page border, but shrunken, to make it look like the fire was spreading beyond the edges of the page, to really emphasize the probable helplessness Bam is feeling in the situation… Sometimes, a lot of thought goes into these pages.

October - kitsune khun - This is a drawing I made for a raffle winner on Twitter. I included it here because this and the other artworks I made that week felt like they ‘clicked’. They were the ones that all the process from previous artworks were leading up to - finally I had an artwork that I was very satisfied with, where the process was fun and the final result was pretty to look at too. I’m a huge fan of using complementary colors, especially orange lighting and blue shadows..

November - Snow Study (gasp) - I don’t do studies as often as I should, so this one came as a surprise. I save a lot of images from Bing’s daily wallpaper, and since the cold weather was coming, I painted this chilly town with one as a reference. I also wanted to update my blog so it matched my current style, so this was drawn for that reason too.

December - ‘Polaroid’ mini series - “with hyung.png” - This is one of four artworks I made in a ‘polaroid photo’ style. I really like that aesthetic. There is something very nostalgic and deep about it - capturing a moment you deem important. Taking the context of polaroids and film into account, you don’t have the luxury to take various copies of a moment and pick the right one afterwards like we do nowadays, so ideally you’d want everything to be perfectly in place and extremely important before you press the shutter. And yet, in these ‘photos’, the moments captured are not of grandiose events or life-changing moments, but of casual, daily life. I wanted to appreciate the ordinary in this small series. Maybe I’ll revisit it next year.

Bonus round

There were a few artworks that didn’t make the cut, but I still wanted to talk about them. So here they are.

“A summoning ritual (that worked a little too well)” - This is where I started the habit of drawing genshin characters when I wanted them on my team. Though this one is a little rough around the edges, I still like the colors and texture of the artwork.

“met gala hwar” - I was watching a video talking about how the Gilded Gala was a disaster (unsurprisingly), and one of the looks that went by (as examples of what worked) caught my eye. So I drew Hwaryun in it.

“Part 1_Page 216.PNG” - I have a very consistent system for numbering pages - just thought you might wanna know. I didn’t count this one in the final cut because some of the panels here were from pages drawn last year, so I felt that I was cheating a bit. There is a lot of thought behind this particular panel, but I will discuss that one when I release the full cleaned-up version sometime in the next few months.

“a precious jewel” - This artwork means a lot to me. Though it was rather quick (done under an hour, curse my comic panel habits), a lot of ‘feeling’ went into it. I think that out of all of the artworks, this is the one where I’m pouring what I’m actually feeling at the moment - I can’t quite put it into words here (as it is a little awkward, and I’m afraid of things getting lost in translation too), but I’ll try. I think that for that hour, I understood where Khun was getting at with the jewel metaphor, but rather than wanting to hide someone away, it was more of wanting to keep those feelings close to my heart… that kind of thing.

“Bleak December_07” - My entry for Secret Santa this year. Just thought I’d include it. I signed up to an email address sending Edgar Allen Poe’s works, and was floored by The Raven, so the title and tone of this short comic reflect that too.

“fall for you, fall for me” - i like khunbam. and i like autumn, now. i like coloring khun’s hair, ‘cuz its color can look so different under different lightings. it’s a simple and easygoing artwork. i like simple and easygoing things sometimes too.

#art summary 2022 #art summary #artists on tumblr #my art #digital art #I’ve had to draft this three times thanks tumblr

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fallingfor-fics · 4 years ago

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Teachers Pet- chapter 10: around the corner

All chapters

chapter 9

It was the next day and I was heading to Snape’s for my private lessons during lunch. And I had so much on my mind. I still haven't given Dumbledore an answer about the Yule ball, I had private lessons with Snape, and I had another detention. Crap. I have to tell Snape I can't go to his lessons after dinner because I had to go to Lockhart’s for detention at the same time. How was I gonna tell him that he would probably be so angry and think I'm wasting his time. I stopped by the Great Hall and snagged an apple to tie me over til dinner, taking my time to think of how I was gonna tell Snape.

I don't know why I cared so much, I'm sure he's not really gonna care that much. I stopped outside Snape's room and knocked on the door and waited for a response. Instead it just opened and I saw him working at his desk. I walked in and sat at my seat. "Good afternoon Sir, how's your day been?" I asked, smiling at him and taking a bite of my apple.. He ignored me and continued what he was working on. We sat in silence for about five minutes till I spoke up again. "Professor?" I said looking at him. "L/n will you give me one moment?" he said annoyed and more of a fact then a question. "Yeah of course sorry." I said looking down and taking another bite. "And must you crunch so obnoxiously?" he added. "Wow someones in a mood" I muttered to which he glared in response. "Some annoying first years I presume? They really are awfully annoying" I said as I played with the fabric of my robes. "Yes, very much so, much like a sixth year I know." He retorted looking back up at me. I just smiled in response.

He spent the time going over the half written essay I turned in and helping me understand the material better until I could successfully finish writing it. He was still knocking off 10 points for it being late now but I'd take what I can get. Before I knew it the bell rang startling me a bit. I gathered my things and prepared to head to DADA. "Oh Professor I wanted to tell you something" I said walking back up to his desk holding my books across my chest. "Well spit it out" he said, not looking up. "I can't make the lessons after dinner" this caused him to look up and I could tell he was not happy. "You mean to tell me I take time from my day just for y-" "Wait wait let me explain first please!" he gave me a look for interrupting him but waited for me to continue. "So you know Professor Lockhart?" I asked looking into his eyes, I could see the shift in them when I mentioned that awful man's name. "I'm afraid I do, I also know he's a fool, but what about him?" "Well in class yesterday he made me be partners with him and be an example for the class for the spell Petrificus Totalus and he just left me on the floor for almost the whole class," I could see Snape's eyes turn from annoyance to some other emotion I hadn't figured out just yet, and his face dropped a little, almost as if he was concerned? He was probably just tired though, I told myself. "And when he finally stepped away from me, Harry was able to undo it, and so towards the end of class..." I paused for a moment scared he might agree with Lockharts punishment. "Yes?" he drawed out looking at me with a look that was definitely concern this time. "I cast the same spell on him and then eventually once everyone left I undid it and then he gave me detention and so that's why I can't make it to our lessons!" I spat out in one breath. His expression seemed to lighten a bit, relief washing over him and call me crazy, but it looked as if the corners of his mouth raised a little. Was he..about to smile? Just then he slowly pinched the bridge of his nose. "Merlin Y/n" he said and it almost sounded like he wanted to laugh. Wait did he just call me Y/n. I think that's the first time he's done that. "Anyways I wanted to say sorry." I said trying to hide my own smile after reliving the events from yesterday. "Dont worry about it, and inform Lockhart that you will not be serving your detention with him, instead you will serve detention with me. And we will use the time to work" he said getting up and preparing his class for the students that would soon flood in. "You're not angry with me?" I asked turning to look at him writing stuff on the board. "No Ms. L/n I am not, I actually completely understand, that idiot did that to himself, you just needed the practice, that's all, now get out and go to class." he said back in his normal stern voice. I nodded "Thank you Sir." and left his room.

I exited his room and a small smile appeared on my face, he was so..nice for doing this for me, he didn't have to, but he did. Maybe Dumbledore was right after all, he can be reasonable, and sweet almost. He saved me from an awful afternoon with Lockhart and this kind gesture would not go unrewarded. I felt heat rise to my cheeks and I just shook it off as I entered the DADA classroom. I walked up to Lockharts desk and he looked up at me smiling as if yesterday never happened. "Ah Y/n i'm excited to see you in detention later, I hope you have not forgotten" he let out with a smug look on his face. "Actually, Professor Snape ordered me to serve detention with him instead." I said smiling. His smile dropped quickly, "What?! No You are to serve it with me!" he said, raising his voice a bit causing a few students to look his way. "Sorry, you'll have to take it up with Professor Snape" I said, now I had the smug look as I shrugged my shoulders and walked to my seat. The rest of class Lockhart gave me disappointed looks any chance he could get.

Potions had ended and I was in the library studying with Draco during our free period for a test Snape had assigned for tomorrow, and I was determined to pass this one. Well I was studying. He was just being distracting, but we agreed to do this everyday and then just walk to Dinner together after. "Y/n I wanted to ask you a question" he said looking at me. "Shoot" I said as I continued studying. "Well I was wonderi-" he was cut off by Hermione coming up and tapping me on the shoulder "Y/n can you come with me?" she said. "Beat it Granger y/n and I were talking!" Draco spat at her. "Dont worry Draco you can ask whatever it was at dinner ok? I'll see you later." I said excusing myself and following Hermione out of the library. "Whats up?" I asked as we walked to the great hall since dinner was gonna start soon anyway. "Well two things actually, one is it true that you cast a spell on Lockhart and then got detention?" she asked shocked. "Wow news travels fast, um yeah its true, and then snape took over the detention so I actually have to go to his room, which worked out cause of our lessons" "You are crazy its like youre trying to be thrown out of Hogwarts!" she said, shoving my arm gently. "Well i'm not and he deserved it! He did it to me first and wouldn't undo it so I didnt back, for practice" I said smiling "anyways what's the second thing?" she grew quiet and began blushing a bit. "Hermioneeee tell me!" I said poking her. "Ok well, um, Ron asked me to the dance!" she said with a grin. "OH MY GOSH that's so EXCITING!" I practically yelled "I know and I said yes!" "Well I would hope so!" I said, hugging her. "Wait isn't the dance not for like another two months." I asked. "Um y/n where's your head gone! It's already November 30th! The dance is in 25 days" she exclaimed. "Oh crap. I still haven't given Dumbledore an answer. I don't know where the time went!" I said stressing out a bit. "Wait, give him an answer about what?" she asked, confused. "Oh yeah there's something you should know, I never mention it because it's not really relevant, but he asked me to sing at the yule ball..." I said almost in a whisper. "You can sing?" "Yeah I used to take lessons and everything, but I haven't done it in front of people in 2 years, but I know he'll be upset if I decline.." "Well you don't want to disappoint the Headmaster not to mention your godfather." she responded. "Yeah I guess you're right, I guess I'm gonna be singing at the yule ball.

#snape x reader #snape imagine #severusnape #professor snape #snape #severusimagine #severus x reader #severus snape x reader #Snape slowburn #slytherin #hogwarts

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simplee-dreaming · 5 years ago

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Poor Thing

This is a Ler!Draco x Lee!Reader tickle fic.

Summary: The reader is feeling a little down so Draco decides to cheer them up.

Word count: 877

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It was a cold and rainy November. You hadn’t had a great month yet anyway, despite it only being 5 days in. Being in third year, you had noticed the growing change in the amount of homework and studying you had been given and it was starting to stress you out. And the news of a mass murderer on the loose didn’t help with your stress level either.

Your next lesson was Defence Against the Dark Arts. You rather enjoyed this lesson, though being a Slytherin it was probably best to hide your enjoyment. Professor Lupin was a great teacher though. You walked into the classroom and took your normal seat beside Draco Malfoy.

“How’s your arm Draco?” You asked, looking at the arm loosely in a sling.

“It’s okay today, thanks Y/N. It really did take a beating from that monster though,” Draco replied. You smiled briefly at him before getting your book out.

Lupin was standing at the front of the class, this lesson he was explaining how to fight off Hinkypunks. You were zoned out completely, thinking about all the assignments you had to do. You didn’t realise you were daydreaming until you heard Draco loudly whisper your name.

“Hey, Y/N”

You snapped back to reality and turned to Draco.

“Are you okay?” He asked. You nodded but your face refused to smile. Draco furrowed his brows but continued anyway.

“Do you like my drawing?” He asked, showing you the moving drawing he had just made of Harry Potter being struck by lightning in tomorrow’s Quidditch match. You scoffed a little, forcing your mouth to smile.

“Yeah, that’ll be him for sure” You said, but you turned your attention back to Lupin, your smile fading instantly, Draco looked at you, concerned.

A few minutes later he tried to grab your attention again.

“Y/N look, now he’s being hit with a bludger!” Draco said, showing you his improved drawing of Harry. You smiled a little more at this drawing.

“Y/N are you sure you’re okay?” Draco whispered. You nodded slowly.

“I’m fine” you whispered back.

“No you’re not, you normally have a right laugh with me during his ridiculous lessons”

“Sorry” you replied, no longer concentrating on the class.

Draco kept looking at you, wondering why you weren’t laughing more with him. Then an idea struck. He didn’t know if it would work, but it was worth a try if it got you laughing. He tried to hide the wicked smirk on his face as he poked your side with his “good” arm. You jumped and turned to him.

“Draco, what was that for?” You asked, frowning at him.

“You’re not smiling like normal, so I thought I’d help” he replied before wiggling a finger into your side. You jumped again and let out a little squeak.You covered your mouth instantly, praying no one heard.

“Oh this is too good,” Draco said. He reached round you with his arm before digging into your other side. You twisted and giggled, your mouth still covered.

“D-draco stop it, you’ll get us into trouble” you whispered, looking at Lupin who hadn’t noticed you making a noise. Draco grinned mischievously at you before fluttering his fingers into your neck. You scrunched up your shoulders and let out a squeal and a giggle.

“Excuse me, what’s going on back there?” Lupin asked. Your face went bright red as you looked down.

“Nothing Professor.” Draco said. Lupin furrowed his brows but went back to teaching.

“Idiot” you muttered, looking at Draco.

“What was that?” He asked before squeezing your knee. You squealed loudly and jumped, banging your knee loudly on the table.

“Malfoy, Y/L/N. What is going on?” Lupin asked, coming over to you.

“Nothing sir. Y/N had their legs crossed and they adjusted themself, banging their knee in the process. Poor thing.” Draco looked at you mockingly. You made eye contact with Lupin and went bright red again.

“This is a warning for both of you.” Lupin said before going back to the front of the class. Draco left you alone for the rest of the lesson. However, when Lupin told everyone to pack away, Draco used both hands to tickle your sides. You jumped and yelped before falling into laughter. Not many people heard as they were too busy talking and moving chairs.

“Drahahahaco stohohohop” you squealed, trying to get away from his hands.

“I will when you say you’ve cheered up” he replied

“I’ve cheehehehehred uhuhuhup pleasehehehehehe” you laughed out, still squirming. He let you go so you could pack your stuff away.

“You’re so evil.” You said.

“Obviously.” He replied, grinning at you.You were the last two to leave the room but he gave your sides a quick few squeezes before you left, you squealed loudly again and whacked him on the arm. Lupin saw that time and shook his head.

“Kids.” He said, rolling his eyes.

You were sat next to Draco in most classes the rest of the day. He tickled you at every given opportunity, which you did enjoy....despite getting a detention from McGonagall. Draco noticed your mood had lifted so made a mental note to tickle you every time you were feeling down.

#tickle fic #Ler!Draco #Lee!Reader #Harry Potter tickle fic

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kemetic-dreams · 5 years ago

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Step 3: Ikenga

by Omenka Egwuatu Nwa-Ikenga "Ikenga m kwalu otu, njee mge ona mmuo" (As long as my Ikenga is active I can wrestle in the land of the spirits)

Welcome back to the 13 steps. In Step one, you learned how ncheta (remembrance) is the basis for all the other steps. In Step two, you learned on the power of your potential & kinetic energies (Chi na Eke) and how important it is to make sure they are kept in harmony with one another. Now we will again return to a common experience that nearly all humans share. Unlike the first 2 steps, you should have quite a few memories of this one.

Do you recall the various things you wanted to be as a child? If you were anything like me, that list included alot of things through various ages. And do you remember what you did once you decided to be something? Well, you began in what is now called “make believe.” Without being coached or trained, you and your various playmates could pretend to be whatever you wanted and engage in any activity your minds could muster. You likely pretended to fight battles or engage in space exploration. Maybe you pretended to be a director and used dolls and toys as actors. The key takeaway here my brothers and sisters, is that you used the power of your imagination to create the reality you desired, even if it was a temporary thing

Now today, if you happened to stumble upon the “self help” section in any bookstore, or undergo any form of coaching or training, you will likely be told about something called “creative visualization.” A very simple definition of it would be utilizing the power of your imagination as an aide to getting better results in your life. Countless people have used it to beat addictions, overcome their fears, as well as acquire new skills. Sound familiar? It's once again a reminder of how you need to remember things as an adult that you did naturally as a child, isn't it?

Now remembering the lessons from “Step Two" and Eke have been with you as long as you’ve been on this planet, even if you’re not as in sync with them as you once were. And as I said in that lesson, Igbo culture (along with many others) left a number of reminders for you of the various things you came into the world knowing. The one reminder we will cover today is the one that goes by the name “Ikenga.”

This figure is shared amongst the Urhobo, Edo, and Igala, but the Igbo version is the most well known. Just like Chi na Eke, an entire series of books would be needed to properly expound upon Ikenga. One popular definition of Ikenga is "place of strength." However, for the purpose of this step, we will say that Ikenga is a symbol of achievement, especially through the use of your right hand. On a sidenote, it goes without saying that for most human beings, their right hand is their dominant one. For the 10% of you for which that’s not the case, just apply this same rationale to the hand that is your dominant one for this step.

The first aspect of Ikenga we will discuss is its appearance. They come in various shapes and sizes, but one key aspect is horns, typically that of a ram, which is prizes for its aggressiveness. Just like the ram, Igbos believe that one must plunge into a venture in order to succeed. Contrary to misinformation by Igbo Christians, Ikenga, much like other sacred objects, was not an item of worship but a visible representation of things that were invisible. In this case, Ikenga represents your divine self image. In other words, a self image based on your Chi (your unlimited potential), working in unison with your Eke (your limited kinetic energy). Ikenga is thus said to be a gift or symbol of one’s Chi. Anyone who has either achieved consistent success or studied/coached those who have, is aware of how critical having a healthy self image actually is. With an unhealthy self image, your numerous self doubts will usually defeat you before you even get started. Even if you do happen to achieve success despite a negative self image, you will likely be the victim of your own self-sabotage.

"Ebune jị isi éjé ogụ" (The ram goes into a fight head first)

Ikengas were not limited to individuals, but communities could also have them (sometimes called Ikeoha). These communal Ikengas were representations of the achievements and ideals of a community. The Ikenga of the United States of America holds a torch in her right hand, and stands tall in Liberty Island in New York Harbor

The second aspect of Ikenga we will discuss would be its adaptability, meaning its ability to change. Young men would typically get an Ikenga carved when they began their various vocations. In some ways, you could say it would be very similar to receiving a diploma in today’s world. However, an Ikenga was not permanent, and it could evolve as the owner’s roles changed. A young man whose main task was defending his village would receive a warrior’s Ikenga holding a sword, whereas when that same man became a more accomplished elder, he would now have a title holder’s Ikenga holding a sacred staff. Alternatively, if a man chose a profession that didn't bring him much success, he could throw away the Ikenga (self image) that was not helping him and choose a new Ikenga (and possibly a new profession) that did.

Ikenga adighi ile, azilaa ya nku" (An Ikenga that is ineffective, cut it for firewood)

The third aspect is persistence. Once an Ikenga was established, a routine was established to straighten it. Regular offerings of kolanut, alligator pepper, and libations were made to it, often during the igo ofu ututu (traditional morning prayer). To the uninitiated, it would appear that the Ikenga itself is being worshipped, but I want to reveal a secret to you: If one makes a prayer, whether spoken out loud or silently, your mind cannot help but create a mental picture of whatever choice of words you use. For example, if I mention a pink elephant, you can’t help but imagine one. The same applies to things like positive thinking, affirmations, proverbs, etc. What would happen if you constantly reminded yourself of your goals? Regularly repeated words of encouragement and positivity? And returning back to your childhood, how powerful could your imagination be when if it focused on a long term goal? And even more so when you also dedicate yourself to constant practice and honing of your skills?

"Ikenga chim nyelum, taa oji" (Ikenga, gift of my chi, participate in the offering)

So in summary, an Ikenga is a divinely based self image, that changes as needed, and is fed/reinforced by persistence and dedication. And here’s a final thought my brothers and sisters. One thing about dedication is that you must accept that you’re typically not going to be very good at most things at the beginning. In fact, you’re very likely to be quite bad. However if you stick with it and learn from your mistakes, not only will you improve, you will likely become quite good.

At some point you did not have the ability to read these words at all, but through repetition and practice over time, you gained that ability didn’t you? The same applies to just about everything you now have the ability to do (walk, talk, drive, write, etc). So instead of saying that you cannot do something, you should say you haven’t done it yet. The former may or may not be true, but the later definitely is. With a harmonized Chi na Eke (as well as working in conjunction with others), the only real limit in this universe you probably have is time. So if that's the case, why are you limiting yourself?

Step 3: I choose a divinely based self image that helps me creates the results I want and can change it when it no longer does so.

Action item: Create an Ikenga. You can draw it, or just write a description of it. Make sure to mention it in your daily prayer from step 2. Include the type of life you want to create as well as some of the goals you want to achieve. And stay tuned for step 4, which is coming out on the next new moon, November 15. Yagazie (It shall be well with you).

#arochukwu #igbo #kemetic dreams #odinani #african spirituality #african culture #african #africans #ikenga #ram #omu #chi #ncheta #eke

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al-perthe · 5 years ago

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The Arcana - MC with Epilepsy Headcanons (LIs & Courtiers)

I know we're most of the way through November, but it's National Epilepsy Awareness Month, and as someone with seizures, I thought I'd do a headcanon post for the Main 6 & Courtiers with an apprentice who has epilepsy - can be interpreted as platonic or romantic if you so choose. The Courtier ones are more about prevention or very specific scenarios so theymaynotbeasgood

Note that epilepsy manifests differently for everyone, so I may not have had the same experiences as someone else; I did my best to research outside of my own experiences but it may come across as rather general or vague. That being said, feel free to add on if you'd like to contribute (especially for the Courtiers... pls help).

EDIT: Under a read more because I didn’t realize how big this was, sorry!

ASRA:

Getting you to take your medication, and remember when to do so, was one of the challenges he faced when you awakened without any memories three years ago.It really took him a while to feel safe travelling out of the city, constantly worrying about what if you forgot a dose, what if you had a really bad seizure and got hurt, or even the thought of you just having a smaller one and feeling alone and afraid... As someone who enjoys naps, he's probably the best at making sure you get a good night of rest to help prevent seizures.

Safe. Peaceful. No danger.

Naturally, Faust is going to help comfort you after a seizure, especially if she can tell that you're experiencing fear and/or confusion as a result of it.

NADIA:

When you first started the investigation, you made sure she was aware of your condition. You assured her you'd be okay to take it on, just be a little patient if you were ever 'out of it' for a few minutes.

Oh, it's no trouble at all - she'll make sure that a specialist is brought in to ensure your treatment is the best it can be.

But a few moments later, she clarifies - this isn't being done for the sake of the investigation, and she apologizes if she gave off that impression. She does genuinely care about your well-being, and if she needs to take a step back or if there's more she can do, just let her know.

Her room is definitely the go-to spot if you need a quiet spot to wind down after a seizure.

Also good at making sure you're comfortable and can sleep well.

JULIAN:

Part of you wondered 'what if...?' when you found out about Julian's healing mark, but you dismissed it quickly - there's a chance it wouldn't work, and with the whole murder investigation going on, dealing with seizures (even if temporarily in theory) would just be another thing weighing on him. You couldn't do it. You wouldn't do it. It was selfish.As a doctor, he's the best at recognizing your symptoms as a result - he can tell right away if you're having an aura and need to move to a quieter spot or at least sit down. He does worry about it each time it happens, but puts on a calm face for your sake.Even Malak seems a little bit quieter when you're having a rough time with your epilepsy.Need a distraction afterwards ? Count on him to have a story from his travels to get your mind off it!Of course, let him know if your symptoms change, or if your medication doesn't seem to be having the same effect - he'll look into finding a more effective treatment.

MURIEL:

Inanna's the best at picking up when you're about to have a seizure, and lets Muriel know immediately.Since she can't always accompany him, he's done his best to learn to recognize when a seizure's on the way, or when it's happening. As someone who prefers peace and quiet, he knows the go-to places for some privacy if you're in the presence of other people.The most calming presence you could ask for once the seizure has passed. If you're experiencing confusion afterward, he asks you simple questions and makes simplified statements to help ground you in reality. So ironically, he's the best at helping you remember what happened.He may not be the best at striking up a conversation, but will offer you some words of comfort and reassurance afterwards.

PORTIA:

After your first seizure around her, she acknowledges that 'something just didn't feel right' moments before.

No guilty feelings though - once you've settled down, she asks what she can do to help in the future. She'll support you the best she can.

She's actually the one who brings you to Mazelinka, to see if she knows about any home remedies that could somehow help. At the very least, her soup will give you a good night's sleep to help prevent them!

Naturally, she also seeks guidance from Julian on how to help you with your condition.

If you're feeling anxious after a seizure, she's actually the one who's best at rationalizing you through those fears. The dread that there's someone just outside the cottage, the shop, etc that could hurt you? She checks out the windows and doors first, confirms with you that there's nobody out there, and reassures you that even if there was someone out there after you, they'll have to go through her first!

Expect to find notes from time to time with compliments or general positivity that also remind you to take your medication!

LUCIO:

If you've spaced out due to a seizure, you might need something repeated. He's not normally one for patience... but you're the exception. If anyone gives you a hard time for it, he's bound to round on them with a death glare.

As the Count, he's got access to all kinds of resources. He spares no expense at making sure there's specialists who can get you the best medication as possible, as quickly as possible, when you're in need of a new supply.

Mercedes and Melchior spend more time around you too - they aren't as quick to pick up on an oncoming seizure, but when they do, they make a great team. One of them stays with you, and the other goes off to find Lucio.

Need to get your mind off it? Did you know that he had a saltwater crocodile as a companion during his travels near the Sea of Persephia in his early mercenary days? When he first met the crocodile, it was clearly starving, so he had to wrestle it off... and as he goes on his heroic tirade, it's not so much the adventures themselves but the clearly exaggerated parts that entertain and distract you.

Sometimes you just need something or someone to hold onto, to keep you at peace and keep you feeling real after a seizure. Okay... so... patience, peace, and quiet aren't exactly his strong points. But - with a firm yet comforting hand on your shoulder - he's got your back, and you'll get through this.

VALDEMAR:

Epilepsy? It's actually more common than you think. They've naturally seen it plenty of times over the years.

Some types of epilepsy are limited to specific regions of the brain. Theoretically, it could be possible through surgery to alter or even remove the areas where your seizures generate... you leave it at a "I'll get back to you on it" and stick with your medication for now.

Then it finally happens. You've had a seizure in their presence. You're feeling confused and uneasy, but Valdemar doesn't seem bothered at all. "Seems like you're starting to come back. You might feel unwell for a few minutes, but that's typical in the postictal stage." More confusion. "... Right, simplified terms. You had a seizure. Now you're recovering. What you're feeling will pass. You need only wait a few minutes."

The explanations are nonchalant, blunt, and brief. But that just makes it easier to understand. It's... surprisingly calming, too. You scoot a little closer to them. They don't move away.

Will share interesting accounts of historical figures who also dealt with epilepsy, and reviews their own records of past patients with symptoms similar to yours to study potential triggers and effective treatments or preventions. After a while, you start talking beyond that, about how your day went and other chitchat. It seems that as a result of the time spent around you, they have grown... rather fond of your presence.

VALERIUS:

Obviously, for safety reasons, you're not going to drink heavily. But while some people have to avoid alcohol entirely due to their seizures, you're part of the typical group that can handle some alcohol, a drink or two depending on the strength.

If you're out with Valerius at some sort of soiree, he'll make sure that the one drink you get is the best one suited to your palate. Similarly, he points out the best food to pair with it so that way you're also eating to neutralize the alcohol.

Sometimes, you decide to pass on the drinking, and have fruit juice or even just straight up water served in a wine glass. He'll frown at you, but you KNOW you saw the briefest hint of amusement in his eyes.

To be frank, he usually attends these sort of gatherings for the wine and/or meeting with important figures. So he is ready to get you out of there if you need a quiet spot away from others.

He's not very good with reassurance. Sure, just a simple 'it's going to be okay' can help, but is it really enough? You can't just expect him to repeat it like a mantra or something. He's absolutely making that flustered face as he tries to figure out other things to say, but that's comforting on its own - he's trying for your sake.

VLASTOMIL:

Maybe there was a sudden flash of lightning, maybe there was some 'grand finale' of a fireworks show, but your photosensitivity stirred up a seizure in you.

He's not really sure what to do, but a cautious approach is a best approach.

He draws you aside later to ask about what happened - now admittedly, he's not very familiar with epilepsy. But photosensitivity? Absolutely! There are certain species of worm that are actually quite sensitive to lighting, such as... oh, right. The point is, for some enclosures, he's used a special type of tinted glass to reduce the effects of sunlight and nights when the moon is brighter, and perhaps something similar might be useful for you?

A week later, he brings you a pair of spectacles with darker lenses. They actually do the job pretty well? And he even had them designed to go along with your aesthetic? Whether he had them commissioned or if he just crafted them himself, this is... surprisingly nice.

Oh, and you can't forget the tea. Filling you in on the latest gossip and the occasional Worm Fact once you're feeling calmer is his way of taking your mind off any lingering anxiety. Also, he recommends a variety of herbal teas that calm nerves or even help you fall asleep.

VOLTA:

The first time it happened, oh, Volta did not know what to do! She was so distraught that someone else had to step in and help you collect yourself.

But now that she's aware of your condition, she will offer you words of comfort and kindness to help you after your seizure has passed. Volta's a sweetheart, of course she'd be good at that!

She has a highly developed sense of smell thanks to all the food she exposes herself to. It seems as though, when you were having stronger or more frequent seizures, there was something in your diet you had been eating more often.

In other words, she helped you determine that certain foods were contributing to your seizures. Grapefruit seemed to be the only thing you needed to avoid - come to think of it, you recall that it doesn't react well with certain components used in preparing your medicine - and other foods just needed to be consumed less.

She'll eat those foods at any gatherings, since you're trying to avoid them... oh, but save some of the other dishes for Volta, too!

VULGORA:

Tonic-clonic or grand mal seizures... call them what you will, but point is, if you collapse and lose consciousness in a seizure, they will get everyone to STAND. BACK.

"It's a seizure, just give it a minute or two, it'll pass! I SAID, STAND. BACK!! IF you're so much as THINKING about trying to hold them down, DON'T. NO! Swallowing the tongue IS NOT A THING!! Not unless you CUT IT OFF and FORCE IT IN SOMEONE'S MOUTH! Which I am CLEARLY NOT DOING!!"

... Okay, so getting other people to stay calm while you're having a seizure is not their strong suit. But they're certainly good at getting people to keep their distance, at least.

They're talkative and energetic! Of course being calm and quiet is hard for them! ... But maybe that's just another challenge for them to conquer? The first time they tried they basically just held their breath as long as they could.

Someone actually had the audacity to make a rude remark about your condition. But unfortunately for them, they somehow missed the bright red figure of Pontifex Vulgora in the vicinity.

That person was never seen in Vesuvia again. Because they moved out, after receiving a rather persuasive argument to move to... some other place. Oh, okay, you were worried there was some other reason they disappeared.

#the arcana #the arcana headcanons #epilepsy awareness month #arcana apprentice #arcana mc #asra alnazar #nadia satrinava #julian devorak #muriel kokhuri #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #count lucio #lucio morgasson #valdemar #valerius #vlastomil #volta #vulgora #epilepsy

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unholyeverything · 5 years ago

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I finally made one of those again, and I wanted to share and actually tell you the whole story of my art since this is actually my 10th year of drawing, believe me or not :3 This is also actually the biggest audience I ever had and I’m so grateful for all of you, and for Obey Me! to stumble into my life because, you will see, I completely lost motivation and any ideas to actually draw in the years prior. I am so grateful for all that’s happened, and thank you for being here with me! I found friends here again that I wouldn’t give up for anything, they make me feel better about myself and what I do and I’m gonna cry on you. I love you ;A; Feel free to read through the rest I put them under the cut. But I’m really proud of what I achieved that year. I finally found my love for drawing again. DiaLuci gives me serotonin, I made some OCs that I love and that are the most detailed I ever made. And I also drew the most detailed pics I ever made, you can see under the cut how little backgrounds I drew, and now looking at this, I made one extremely detailed one each month. I had to figure out a style I enjoy again, which I luckily did, but I also still like to experiment and not stick to one thing, but I enjoyed trying out new stuff! I put more effort and detail in again, and I really hope I will keep this up even when I start work, I really hope I will! I’d be sad. I finally enjoy this again, I finally have ideas again. I’m feeling so much better, so thank you all for that!

I fist started drawing in 2011, when I was 12. I started since I joined the warriors fandom as my aunt gifted me one of the books and they had a like to an online forum that was handled by the publisher. So I signed up there with my parents permission obviousely. Don’t let any 12 year olds on other sites, thank you. I joined DeviantART when I was 13 and allowed to. I’m a good kid. But anyways, I drew a lot of animals, mostly cats and dogs thanks to that. I also drew a lot in the beginning, so many ideas and I had a few friends that supported me too, it was nice and made me want to keep going.

2012 was the same, and I still think the first few years when you start are the ones you have the highest spike in improvement. Still drew a lot each month, started to draw lots of chibis as well. I never really studied anatomy, only watching a few colouring tutorials. I just wanted to have fun.

I started to get better at colouring this year and started to add lots more datails and spend longer on the drawings, still drew lots and lots.

I’m still fully set on 2014 being the best year in my past, especially for colouring. I put so much effort into everything. But this was also the year where it went down. Some things happened online and I just started to lose interest as I left the fandom. I drew less and less, mostly only one-two things each month. Also since I barely had an audience I started to let that get to me which was stupid, I started to think why should I spend hours and hours drawing something none will look at anyways, so I looked for ways to make my colouring more simpler and put in less details again.

This started to be very noticeable in the year after that. I only had one picture to chose from each month, if at all. I just really started to loose motivation, especially with no ideas as to what to draw. Mostly OCs and occasionally some fanart for an anime that I like. Don’t ask me what October is supposed to be it was the only thing I made that month idk.

2016 was a really bad year. I just didn’t know what to do with myself and my art anymore. I also started uni so that took some of my time, but not that much, during my holidays between end of school and beginning of Uni from July til October I also didn’t draw much. I only tried a lot of new things, simplifying and not being happy with anything that I made. Aside from November I don’t like any of those pictures. But as I sad, I was just lost and had no ideas anymore, I didn’t feel good about the things I made but I kept going, forcing myself to draw at least once in a while so I don’t completely forget how it works.

2017 I felt inspired again, making up that extremely colourful style that I adapted now again, it gave me serotonin and at least I liked what I was making again. I drew a lot more in the beginning of the year two, just enjoying slapping colour on everything. But I lost motivation pretty soon, I also felt kind of lonely now that I think about it, I wasn’t super sad but I didn’t really had anyone to talk to, breaking up with my toxic ass friends about half a year before school ended and I didn’t really find anyone in uni that I was close with. I just sat around after classes and watched anime until I dropped to bed pretty early everyday. I’m still proud of my very strict sleeping schedule, that happened mostly because I had no reason to stay up :D But anyways, there are a lot of month, strangely enough my big break months where I didn’t draw at all, I probably was too lazy and exhausted.

Best. Year. Of. Drawing. Peridot. Outdid myself. Very much art. So good. Had so many ideas, tried three new styles just to go back to the old one for the redraw because I wasn’t happy with them. So much improvement. It’s amazing how much I did that year. Idk. I probably was mentally dead and watched even more anime. Though I also did that in years I drew a lot. Idk.

2019 was a lot better then the year before. I missed drawing but still didn’t have a lot of ideas. But I joined instagram for a short time and there were a lot of these “Draw this in your style” that provided me with ideas, and I really enjoyed doing those. I tried digital painting for the first time then and I’m still super proud of what I did in January. I also tried to work more with watercolour in this year. I spend more time and attention with colouring again, working and changing my style a bit. I still really like what I drew last year! I also have a weird obsession with eyeballs and I can fit three pairs on a face and it still looks okay, can you tell? I didn’t drew much this year but I like the quality I made I guess? Motivation ran out pretty quickly though, and that might be because I also did creative work for university so that could’ve played into it. And now off to 2021 :3

#art summary #art summary 2020 #obey me

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addictedtoeddie · 5 years ago

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The full Esquire Spain interview translated from Spanish:

Eddie Redmayne trial: guilty of being the most talented (and stylish) actor of his generation

The Oscar winner talks about what it means to premiere a film with Aaron Sorkin (The Chicago 7th Trial on Netflix) and filming the new part of the most famous saga of all time under the watchful eye of its author, J.K. Rowling.

By Alba Díaz (text) / JUANKR (photos and video) / Álvaro de Juan (styling) 10/23/2020

At the Kettle’s Yard Gallery in Cambridge, stands alone and leaning on a piano Prometheus, a marble head made by Constantin Brâncusi, and the only piece of art that Eddie Redmayne (London, 1982) would save from possible massive destruction. He tells me about it as he leaves the filming set of the third installment of Fantastic Beasts in the early days of an autumn that, we suspect, we will never forget. It begins to get dark as the actor nods seriously: "I promise to do my best in this interview."

Eddie Redmayne made himself in the theater despite some voices warning him that he could not survive in it. "Many people were in charge to tell me that it would never work, that only extraordinary cases make it and that I would not be able to live from this professionally." Even his father came home one day with a list of statistics on unemployed young actors. Redmayne, who is extremely modest, polite and funny, adds: “But I enjoyed theater so much that I got to the point of thinking that if I could only do one play a year for the rest of my life… I would do it. And that would fill me completely.

Spoiler: since then until today he has participated in many more. He set his first foot in the industry when he debuted at the Shakespeare’s Globe Theater and won over critics and audiences. He then landed his first major role in My Week with Marilyn opposite Michelle Williams. And then came one of the roles of his life, the character he wanted to become an actor for, Marius. With him he sang, led a revolution and broke Cosette's heart in Les Miserables. “I found out about the Les Misérables auditions when I was shooting a movie in Illinois. Dressed like a cowboy. I picked up the iPhone and videotaped myself singing the Marius song. I always wanted to be him ”.

Now Redmayne is an Oscar winner - thanks to his portrayal of Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything - and the protagonist of one of the most important sagas in history, Fantastic Beasts. He plays the magizoologist Newt Scamander in it. When I ask him what it means to him to be the protagonist of a magical world that is so important to millions of people, Eddie sighs and takes a few seconds to answer. “I have always loved the Harry Potter universe. Some people like The Lord of the Rings or Star Wars ... But, for me, the idea that there is a magical world that happens right in front of you, that happens without going any further on the streets of London, that. .. That exploded my imagination in another way.

During the quarantine, J. K. Rowling, who has been in charge of the script of the film, sparked a controversy through a series of tweets about transgender women. Redmayne assures that he does not agree with these statements but that it does not approve of the attacks of some people through social networks. The actor was one of the first to position himself against Rowling alongside Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and other protagonists of her films. "Trans women are women, trans men are men, and non-binary identities are valid."

After having spent a while talking, Redmayne confesses to me that he has never been a big dreamer not to maintain certain aspirations that ended up disappointing him. So he has always kept a handful of dreams to himself. One of them was fulfilled just a few weeks ago with the premiere of The Trial of the Chicago 7, a film written and directed by Aaron Sorkin that can already be seen on Netflix and in some - few - cinemas. “I was on vacation with my wife in Morocco and the script arrived. I think I called my agent before I even read it and said yes, I would. She probably thought the obvious, that I'm stupid. After that, of course I read the script, which is about a specific moment in history that I knew very little about. I found it exciting and a very relevant drama in today's times. "

And it is that having a script by Aaron Sorkin in your hands is no small thing. Eddie Redmayne has been a fan of his work ever since he saw The West Wing of the White House. “His scripts have delicious language and dialogue. As an actor, it's fun to play characters that are much smarter than you are in real life. That virtuosity is hard to come by. I really hope that audiences enjoy this movie and feel that there is always hope. " He remembers that since he released The Theory of Everything he has recorded, to a large extent, English period dramas, “and although the new Aaron Sorkin is not strictly contemporary,” says Redmayne, “to be able to wear jeans and shirts and sweaters instead of so much tweed is great ”.

Besides acting, art was the only thing the actor was interested in, so he ended up studying Art History at Cambridge University. “My parents are quite traditional and when I told them I wanted to act they gave me free rein but on the condition that I study a career. And I'm very grateful for that because ... Look, beyond that, when I play a real character I usually go to the National Portrait Gallery in London quite often. There I lock myself up. Now, for Sorkin's film, I went through a lot of photographs and videotapes. Art helps me to be more creative, to get into paper ”. If he were not an actor, he would be, he says decidedly, a historian or perhaps a curator. "Although I think he would be a very bad art curator."

Against all logic, Eddie Redmayne is color blind. But there is a color that you can distinguish anywhere and on any surface: klein blue. He wrote his thesis on the French artist Yves Klein and the only shade of blue he used in his works. He wrote up to 30,000 words talking about that color with which he became obsessed. “It is surprising that a color can be so emotional. One can only hope to achieve that intensity in acting. "

Like his taste for art, which encompasses the refined and compact, Redmayne seems to be in the same balance when it comes to the roles he chooses. When I ask him what aspects a character he wants to play should have, he takes a few seconds again before answering: “I wish I had a more ingenious answer but I will tell you that I know when my belly hurts. It's that feeling that I trust. In my mind I transport him to imagine myself playing that character. When I read a script I have to really enjoy it. You never fully regret those instincts. It's like when you connect with something emotionally. "

So we come to the conclusion that all his characters have some traits in common. "You know what? I never look back, and this is something personal, but I do believe that there is a parallel between Marius in Les Misérables trying to be a revolutionary, someone who is quite prone to being distracted by love but at the same time is willing to die for his cause, and Tom Hayden from The Chicago Trial of the 7 who was a man who had integrity and was passionate and fought for the things he believed in. So I suppose there may also be similarities between a young Stephen Hawking and Newt Scamander. There are traits in common in all of them that I don't really know where they come from ”.

When we talk about the year we are living in, in which it is increasingly difficult to find hope, we both let out a nervous laugh. "There must be," Redmayne says. “There is something very nice that Tom Hayden, the character I play in Sorkin's film, said to his former wife, actress Jane Fonda, just the day before she passed away. He told her that watching people die for their beliefs changed his life forever. In that sense, I also think about what Kennedy Jr. wrote about how democracy is messy, tough and never easy ... As is believing in something to fight for. I look at history and how they were willing to live their lives with that integrity to change the world and I realize that somehow that spirit still remains with us. " We fell silent thinking about it. "There must be hope."

I tell him about my love for Nick Cave's blog, The Red Hand, and one of the posts that I have liked the most in recent weeks. In it, the singer affirms that his response to a crisis has always been to create, an impulse that has saved him many times. For Redmayne there are two activities that can silence noise: drawing and playing the piano. “When you play the piano your concentration is so consumed by trying to hit that note that you can't think of anything else. Similarly, when you draw something, the focus is between the paper and what you are trying to recreate ... There I try to calm my mind.

Before saying goodbye, I drop a question that I thought I knew the answer to, but failed. What work of art would you save from mass destruction? "How difficult! I could name my favorite artists but still couldn't choose a work. Only one piece? Let me think. I am very obsessed with Yves Klein, but I would stick with a work by Brancusi. There is a sculpture of him, a small head called Prometheus, in Cambridge's Kettle’s Yard, on a dark mahogany piano. The truth is that I find it very ... beautiful ”.

Before leaving, he confesses to me - with a childish and slow voice - that he would like to direct something one day. We said goodbye, saying that we will talk about his next project. Next, the first thing I do is open the Google search engine. "P-r-o-m-e-t-h-e-u-s". Although Eddie Redmayne has trouble distinguishing violet from blue, he doesn't have them when choosing a good piece. He's right, that work deserves to be saved.

* This article appears in the November 2020 issue of Esquire magazine

Source: esquire.com/es/actualidad/cine/a34434114/eddie-redmayne-juicio-7-chicago-netflix-entrevista/

#eddie redmayne #esquire2020 #esquirespain2020nov #esquire spain #chicago7promo #chicago7interview #interview2020 #photoshoot2020 #juankr #my translation

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asianartsblog · 4 years ago

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LEK BORJA RENEWS FILIPINO HISTORY THROUGH ART

BY PRECIOUS RINGOR

Asian Pasifika Arts Collective New Outlooks Blog

April 2, 2021

http://ow.ly/fEby50FlQWZ

Editor’s Note: Precious Ringor brings us a second artist profile, this time of Filipino American interdisciplinary artist and poet Lek Borja, whose work is an attempt to track the continuous colonization across time, first within the Philippines from Spain and the United States, through present day America and trying to give voice to Filipino life against a white hegemony. Precious displays how Lek crosses borders of cultural stereotypes, seeking to expand the visions placed on Filipinos by other oppressive powers, and inserting her culture in art spaces where they are new and unfamiliar, but for the community, reminders of home.

Header Image: “Heritage at the Threshold” by Timothy Singratsomboune | Digital photography collage, 5400 x 4050 px, 2021.

Getting to know someone virtually is one of the sad realities we’ve had to face because of COVID-19 regulations. It’s both a blessing and a curse—we’ve become a global village, but at the same time we’ve all had more eye and back problems from sitting around and zooming this past year.

A zoom call and an hour was all I had to get to know Lek Vercauteren Borja, a Filipino American interdisciplinary artist and poet widely known for her thought-provoking work into the Asian diaspora. Chatting with Lek didn’t feel like a job though; time flies fast when you’re having fun.

One of the things I noted was Lek’s warm and friendly nature. Most of the time, it’s uncommon for an interviewee to ask questions about the interviewer. Lek unabashedly admitted that she did a bit of ‘stalking’ before we hopped on Zoom, “I like to know about the person I’m talking with, even before the interview starts.”

Lek started in poetry. Armed with a love for Shakespeare, she pursued a dual concentration in Art and Creative Writing at Antioch University. It was there that she first fell in love with art history and sculpture. During that time, her first chapbook, Android, was published by Plan B Press. She took this as a sign to continue pursuing a career in arts.

As an artist, she admits that’s where she gets inspiration from, “I want to talk about the history of Filipinos, the invisible stories. Growing up in the Philippines and studying there, I realized there was a lot missing in our history books. It seemed as if it were written from a western perspective.” She reminded me so much of the Philippines, of home. Because of our similar upbringing, I immediately understood her search for truth.

The themes of home and longing, of memory and the present, and of giving Filipino lives new voices, carry across her work, and no more palpably than her piece Evolution of the Aswang Myth, what she calls “seed and the origin” to all her current works. Lek says “Without it, I wouldn’t be thinking about art, the way I’m making now.” This 8 x 8 feet painting explores the origins of the aswang or manananggal, a Filipino mythical creature typically depicted as a woman feared for its penchant for eating infants and unborn fetuses during the night. Interestingly, the aswang was also a word ascribed to the Filipina women who went against the forced religious conversion by Spanish friars during their colonization of the Philippines.

March 2021 marked 500 years since Spanish ships first arrived on the shores of the Philippines.

Since then, our country fought hard for liberation, first from Spain and then from the United States of America. In retrospect, it hasn’t been long since the Philippines became an independent nation. Today, we are striving to find our voice amidst the imperialistic erasure we’ve endured.

As Lek puts it, “What propelled me to tell these stories is the feeling that I had no voice. For one, I didn’t speak English well so I couldn’t really talk about what I was going through or how I felt. That’s why a lot of my work now focuses on bringing my experiences of living in the Philippines at the forefront and seeing how that’s connected to bigger conversations and narratives around us.”

Currently, Lek’s work called Anak (My Child) is being featured in the gallery at Towson University’s Asian Arts & Culture Center.

View Anak (My Child) Exhibit: https://towson.edu/anak

Besides online exhibitions and virtual galleries, Lek is also conducting several workshops in Baltimore’s upcoming Asia North Festival. These workshops are a good model for Lek’s philosophy in making art out of personal histories. Whether it’s experiences of displacement or change, she points out that everyone’s story matters and there will always be a community of people who can empathize with that.

“I think it’s really important for our stories to be brought to light in the larger narrative. They think by calling us model minority, our problems can easily be brushed aside” I lamented the steady rise of xenophobic crimes these past few months.

“I agree, it’s a really complex issue” Lek adds, “Why are we so silent? Why do we stand in the shadows? I’ll probably look for an answer my entire life. It’s hard to talk about our struggles and it’s not easy to have conversations about the past. There’s a culture of silence that’s been normalized and it’s perpetuated even in our own homes. But that’s part of the work I do, bringing everything from the past into the forefront so we can have deeper conversations about it.”

Speaking of the past, Lek’s introduction to the arts started in Tarlac, a city located north of the Philippines. Besides being known as the most multicultural province, the city is home to numerous sugar and rice plantations. “The population of our barrio was probably less than 1,000. Our family had a farm as well as a sugar-cane and rice field plantation. My inang [grandmother] also worked in the market as a butcher. It was a pretty simple country lifestyle but my childhood was amazing.”

Life in the country has been instrumental to Lek’s artistry. “The memory of the landscape and of the community is an extension of my art,” Lek explains. As a young girl, her biggest inspiration comes from her grandfather who, like herself, was also an artist. Lek would copy his drawings and eventually create drawings of her own. Recently, Lek has started to incorporate banana leaves into her work. Banana leaves are incredibly important to Filipino culture as it is used for cooking and traditional homebuilding.

“Sounds like you had to find your own path, coming here at such a young age and experiencing culture shock. America is very different from the Philippines!” I quipped.

“It was snowing where I first came here!” she exclaimed, thinking back to her initial introduction of America. “It was November when we landed in New York, it was freezing. I remember our families bundling us in huge warm winter coats before wecould even say hello. It was definitely a huge shock.”

I laugh, thinking back to when I first arrived in California ten years ago. Silly to think I was already freezing in sunny temperatures when she had to endure piles of snow. “Do you think you’ve had to change yourself in order to adjust to that culture shock?”

“For a long time I really didn’t know who I was,” Lek admits. “When I was younger, the school I went to was predominantly white. What I thought about how I should present myself came from that image. I dyed my hair blond and put on blue colored contacts to fit in. It was a lot of assimilation and cultural erasure. I started talking less Tagalog and less Ilocano. But art has really helped me find myself. It made me think more deeply about who I really was and what was important to me on an authentic level.”

Halfway through our conversation, we slowly realized just how similar we were. From migrating at the age of ten to living twenty miles apart in the same city. It was also in chatting that Lek found out I spoke Tagalog fluently, one thing she regrets losing unexpectedly. As it is my first language, Lek asked me to speak it instead. Once again, her warm nature bled through the Zoom interview; I found it refreshing since hardly anyone thinks about the interviewer’s comfort.

Unsurprisingly, community building is important to Lek. Before working, she likes to ask herself the following questions, ‘How is what I’m doing connected to my family and everyone in the Filipino community? How can I better serve my community?’ One of the main reasons she moved to L.A. is to network with other Filipino artists.

“A few years ago, I showed my art alongside a group of all Filipino artists at Avenue 50 Studio gallery for an exhibition that Nica Aquino and Anna Calubayan organized (also both Filipinas). It’s crazy because I’ve lived in and out [of L.A.] for over 10 years now and it was only in 2019 that I started to be part of that community. It’s probably the most fun I've had at an art show, I really felt at home.”

“I’d love to visit the studio’s galleries once it’s safer to go outside”

“Definitely! I’ll keep you updated on any gatherings” Lek pitched excitedly.

“And I'll bring you guys homemade ube cakes and puto pao!” I teasingly replied back.

As our call came to a close I couldn’t help but ask Lek if she had any advice to give to budding AAPI artists.

“I’ll echo what people who have supported me have said in the past: trust yourself and trust that you can make a difference. It’s hard to figure out who you want to be when [the world] has expectations and demands from you. We’re lucky to live in a time where there’s so many possibilities. Figure out what you want to do authentically and genuinely, and go for it.”

Lek continues on, “Personally, it took me a long time to find my voice. When I was in grad school, I had a lot of doubt in myself because most visiting artists and curators couldn’t understand my work. What made it all worth it were the moments that people got [my voice] right away.”

Getting to know Lek and learning about her commitment to showcasing invisible stories has been awe-inspiring; it made me proud to be a Filipino American artist. And in the wake of our hurting AAPI community, I believe it’s incredibly important, now more than ever, to highlight and support works of people like Lek. People who have had to fight for their voice in this world, who our youth could look up to and be inspired to become.

About the Author:

Precious Ringor is a Filipino-American singer/actress/writer residing in Los Angeles, CA. Ringor graduated from Cal State University, Fullerton with a degree in Human Communication Studies where her research is geared towards Asian American socio-cultural communication norms. Besides performing in various theatre shows and indie film sets, Ringor also works as a content contributor to Film Fest Magazine and Outspoken

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marauderssequels · 5 years ago

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the petunia timeline

petunia evans is a character that I think had a lot of potential. I cannot at all commend the person she became as petunia dursley, and I wish so much that she had looked just a little harder in her heart to find space for harry. I can’t forgive her for the nearly two decades of abuse and neglect she inflicted on harry. still, like peter pettigrew and severus snape, she was a child once, before she grew into the horrible woman harry knew. so, who was petunia evans?

Part One: The Evans In Canon

the evans family is a difficult thing to find canon information on. the best we’ve dug up so far is a statement from an interview rowling made when answering if harry’s grandparents were killed. her exact words about the evans were, “...because I do like my backstory: Petunia and Lily’s parents, normal Muggle death.” now, kindly prepare for some english-major bullshit.

death. not deaths, plural. (yes, obviously this is a minute detail, but there’s really not much else to go on.) if the parents had suffered separate deaths, it should’ve been plural. keeping this noun singular suggests that one event took both parents out at once, leaving them both to experience one collective death.*

so, what collective death might they have suffered? well, considering that petunia wasn’t the most imaginative person, let’s remember that the explanation that she gave harry for his parents’ death was a car crash. that certainly fits our requirements for one event taking two people out at the same time, and it qualifies as a “normal Muggle death”. it’s not a far stretch to assume petunia took her answer for harry straight from the way her own parents died.

we know they were dead by the time lily and james died, due to petunia being lily’s only living relative for harry to go to. the conclusion we’ve drawn for petunia’s birth year (which we’ll explain in a later addition to this post) is 1957, three years before lily’s birth. going by british law, if lily’s parents had died before she was eighteen, she would’ve required a legal guardian until she was of age. (remember, 17 is only considered “of age” for wizards, something the muggle government wouldn’t be taking into consideration). since I cannot imagine rowling made the question of legal guardianship a part of lily’s narrative, we’ll set the parameters of her parents’ death for sometime after she had come of age in the eyes of muggle britain but before lily’s death.

lily would turn eighteen on january 30th, 1978, during her final year at hogwarts. her death occurred on october 31st, 1981. that leaves roughly three years for the accident to take place in.

this understanding is important to petunia’s story mainly because these parameters mean she would not be pulled into any sort of court situation regarding lily’s legal guardianship status. her story, according to pottermore, is that she left cokeworth behind forever, which suggests to us that she never once returned. obviously in the real world, this could’ve meant that she moved out permanently but still returned for visits. considering this is coming from rowling, a woman who tends to write in absolutes, it’s more likely to be the “never returning” option. this means that dealing with funeral arrangements, identifying bodies, and putting her parents’ affairs in order were not responsibilities she handled, since that would’ve entailed a return to the town she detested. instead, by the time lily turned eighteen, petunia was already married to vernon dursley and had decidedly left her life there behind. for all intents and purposes, she would’ve considered herself a dursley first and an evans not at all.

we’ll discuss this chapter of the sisters’ lives later; for now, it’s enough to have a rough idea for when petunia’s parents died. not much other information was ever provided about the parental evans, but here’s what we know:

initially, when the girls were younger, mrs. evans told lily she wasn’t allowed to use her magic. after the revelation that lily’s magic made her special, entitling her to attend a wizarding school and study to become a competent witch, both parents were thrilled. the magical world enchanted them both, and lily receives nothing but support from her parents after her acceptance to hogwarts.

young petunia could already identify class, drawing contrasts and divides between her family and the snapes. one of the first insults she punished severus with was a comment on his poor-quality clothing. she knew he came from an impoverished neighborhood and that hers was better, even if not by much. she used that information to immediately cast him in a negative light. she also had the social awareness to ensure no one was around to see lily’s magic, and to detect the insult in the word “muggle” without understanding what it meant. lily being nine years old, petunia would’ve been around twelve, so this social awareness and prideful classist view likely came from her home environment.

while the evans are hardly likely to have been as bad as the malfoys, this is evidence that petunia’s parents placed a great deal of importance on social status. lily only ever mentions her friends questioning her friendship with snape, not her family, so her parents weren’t so extreme to the point of outright forbidding her association with people of a lower status. it’s possible petunia’s younger years saw an economical shift downwards for her parents, leaving her with great pride and a snobbish attitude even once her circumstances turned less fortunate, while lily only ever remembers those circumstances.

moving forward to the next canon information we have concerning petunia, she left cokeworth for london, where she took a typing course. our assumption here is that she left after graduating secondary school, around the age of eighteen or so. once she had her diploma and was a legal adult, she would’ve moved out as soon as possible, to escape the life she hated and the family that favored lily and her magical gifts. assuming she and lily are three years apart, she would’ve left most likely the summer before lily’s fifth or sixth year at hogwarts.

from there, she found an office job, likely at grunnings, the drilling company where vernon was a junior executive, since they met at work. he proposed while lily was in her seventh year at hogwarts, so the engagement took place after lily left for school on september 1st, 1977. they were married by the end of the year and settled into a house together (as petunia tells harry in the first deathly hallows movie that she’s lived in that house for twenty years, during the summer of 1997). this is another part of her story that makes knowing the date of her parents’ death important; because we’ve determined they didn’t die until after january the following year, we know mr. and mrs. evans would have attended petunia’s wedding.

at some point before the wedding but after the proposal, petunia told vernon about lily’s magic. the couple met lily and james for dinner at a muggle restaurant, though the meeting didn’t end well. still, both were invited to the wedding, despite lily pointedly not being made a bridesmaid. afterwards, petunia appears to have sent a present for christmases, and likely birthdays as well, considering that she and vernon generally gave harry at least some type of horrible present for his birthdays. it’s probable lily returned the favor, sending christmas and birthday presents to petunia.

despite being invited, petunia and vernon didn’t attend lily’s wedding. around the autumn of 1979, both evans sisters became pregnant. petunia’s son dudley was born on june 23rd, 1980, just a month before harry’s birth on july 31st. harry’s birth announcement was the last communication petunia ever received from lily (besides the christmas presents they exchanged) before lily’s death the following year on october 31st, 1981. petunia wasn’t aware of her passing until november 2nd, when she discovered her sister’s son on her doorstep along with a letter from albus dumbledore explaining the circumstances of lily’s death and harry’s need for her as his guardian.

this is where the story picks up ten years later in the original series. this is also where our understanding of petunia’s life turns entirely from evidenced speculation and canon to headcanon and theory, unfortunately. in later additions to this post, we’ll explore our theories on petunia’s parents, as well as how her dynamic with lily changed through the years and how her character serves as a mirror to severus’s. already, we’ve made a lot of speculations based on british law, rowling’s writing, and petunia’s character, as well as lily’s, but this first part of her timeline will serve as the canon upon which we’ll be building the rest of her character. any ideas and suggestions for the evans family are more than welcome!

*obviously, this interpretation leans heavily on two large assumptions. firstly, we’re relying on the transcription of the interview having correctly recorded her words, as the link to the original video source is broken. secondly, this conclusion also requires trusting that rowling implements this basic rule of grammar into her everyday speech. any native speaker of english could probably tell you that in day-to-day language, we don’t tend to follow every single rule 100% of the time, as long as our basic meaning can be understood. considering our other deliberate deviations from her canon, however, I think it’s enough to acknowledge the reasoning behind our interpretation of her words and move on.

#petunia evans #petunia dursley #lily evans #vernon dursley #james potter #evans family #potter family #hp canon #hp meta #harry potter #hp fandom

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adenei · 5 years ago

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"You aren't the boss of me"

Hey there @benedettabeby ! Thanks for the ask! This one may borderline at straying away from canon, but here’s 6th year Ron and Hermione having a moment during the Ron/Lav relationship. (I tried to mess with it so it can be canon compliant if the reader so chooses.

**********************************************

You aren’t the boss of me.

They’d been back from Christmas holidays for a few weeks now, and Hermione was coming down the girl’s staircase with the intention of heading straight for the library to return a book before curfew. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she noticed Ron and Lavender across the room. Instead of snogging each other’s faces off, as Hermione usually had to witness, they were sitting on the sofa, where it looked like Ron was trying to work on something.

“...Come on, Won-Won,” she heard Lavender say. “Let’s go find an empty classroom for a while! I’m bored.” Hermione rolled her eyes and stifled a gag.

“I’m sorry, Lav, but this is due tomorrow and I’ve waited too long to finish it. I can’t tonight,” Ron said. Hermione was surprised that Ron was standing his ground despite the Lavender’s continued pouting.

An idea came into her head. They’d barely spoken since November, and it wasn’t that Hermione was completely ready to break the icy treatment she’d been giving him, especially considering all of the play-by-plays Lavender purposefully shared with Parvati at night when Hermione was trying to sleep. The newest endeavor was how she was going to get Ron to do ‘more,’ which made Hermione feel sick every time she thought about it.

Determined to have a little pay back of her own, Hermione strolled across the room, but stopped behind them. She hoped her voice still remembered how to work in front of him. “We have rounds in five minutes.”

The sound of her voice startled them both, and Ron turned to look at her. “We haven’t shared duties since November. Besides, I thought it said I was on for tomorrow.”

“No, it’s today. And I’ve run out of people to switch with.” With that Hermione continued on her way out the portrait hole, and decided to wait a few minutes to see if he’d take the bait.

Back in the common room, Ron begrudgingly began packing up his things, “Looks like I won’t be sleeping tonight,” he said under his breath.

“Just skive off!” Lavender suggested. “Tell her you have homework to do, you know how important that is to her.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides, if you’re going to need a reason to not sleep tonight, then we can find that empty classroom and I’ll give you a better reason for it.” Lavender gave him the most inviting look she possibly could.

“Er, sorry Lav, it’ll be easier to just do the rounds.” He watched her face fall. “It’s not that I don’t want to! It’s just that things are busier now that we’re back from holidays, with quidditch and homework and prefect duties. I’ve got to manage it all, so we just might not have as much time to spend together.”

Lavender huffed. “Fine, but I hope you aren’t planning on being friends with her again.” She leaned in to give him a possessive kiss goodbye.

Ron turned to leave, bringing his bag with him because he didn’t think he’d have time to bring it upstairs before Hermione took off without him. He didn’t really know how to respond to Lavender’s last statement. To be honest, he couldn’t believe Hermione had actually spoken to him, let alone said they had to spend time together. Could they actually find their way back to friendship? He couldn’t deny that he missed her, and the thought stirred a little excitement in him. But why did Lavender care so much if he was friends with her?

He exited the portrait hole to find Hermione waiting at the edge of the staircase. She turned to find him coming down the stairs and said, “Let’s make this quick, shall we?”

He followed her without a word, and fell into his own thoughts. Tiny doubts were starting to creep into his mind as he replayed his conversation with Lav. All of what he’d said was true, except that he wasn’t sure how he felt about her suggestion that they do ‘more’. Sure, snogging was great and all, but ever since Lavender gave him that ghastly Christmas present, doubts were starting to trickle in his mind. Anyone who really knew him would know he’d never want something like that, let alone wear it. And was it just him, or was she becoming more clingy lately, too?

It’d been a while since he and Hermione had shared rounds, but he quickly realized that the way they were walking wasn’t their normal route. She stopped outside the study room that was next to the Prefect’s bathroom. “In here,” she said abruptly.

“What? Why?” Ron looked bewildered. She all but pushed him into the room and turned on the lights.

“I figured you could use the time to actually get your work done.” Hermione’s words were short and to the point.

“But what about rounds?”

“I lied. You’re on the schedule for tomorrow. I’ll do it if you want.”

Ron let what she’d said sink in. Hermione hadn’t spoken to him in months, but was now helping him get his work done? “So you tricked me into thinking we had rounds, only to bring me here to study..”

Hermione remained stone-faced, refusing to give away any emotion. “Only if you want-”

“You’re not the boss of me, Hermione. Why would you lie about this? I’m perfectly capable of managing my own time without your help!”

“I’m not telling you what to do! And I’m not trying to manipulate you! Forget it. Do what you want. Oh wait, you’re already doing that with her. How could I forget.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You think I don’t hear every single detail of what goes on behind closed doors with you two? It’s like she purposely waits until she knows I’m there to tell Parvati everything. I swear, Ron if you’re putting her up to this just to hurt me more…”

“Do you really think I’d be that low to do that? Seriously, Hermione, you’re mental!”

“I don’t know what to think anymore!” Hermione hadn’t meant to let any of that slip out. She’d been careful to keep it bottled up for so long. She should have known this would be a bad idea. She took a deep breath. “Do what you want, Ron. I really don’t care. If you’d rather go get Lavender and bring her back here for a shag, I won’t stop you. I’ll wait outside the portrait hole for five minutes at ten in case you do want the time to work, so it looks like we actually did rounds.” With that, Hermione stormed out of the room and headed to the library as was her original intention.

She made her way down to the library and returned the books she no longer needed. Since it was five minutes to closing, she’d need to find somewhere else to go. Hermione thought of the Prefect’s bathroom and figured she could do with a bath to relax.

As she was making her way back toward the fifth floor, she ran into Lavender. “Where’s Ron?” Lavender asked rather cattily.

“We split up for rounds. He didn’t want to be around me. He started in the dungeons. He’s probably near the kitchens by now.”

“Where are the kitchens?” she asked Hermione urgently.

“You don’t know?” Hermione scoffed. “What about Hufflepuff’s common room?” Lavender narrowed her eyes at her, but nodded. “Then go there,” Hermione said simply.

Lavender didn’t thank her, but before she turned to go on her way, she said, “He’s mine, Hermione. Don’t you even think about taking him from me.”

Hermione stared at her, not believing how possessive Lavender sounded. “In case you’re unaware, Ron is his own person, and can make his own decisions. You’d do well to remember that.” Hermione turned and walked away before Lavender could say anymore. She hurried back up to the fifth floor and into the Prefect’s bathroom before enough time passed and Lavender realized Ron wasn’t actually down there. She wasn’t going to bother telling Ron that Lavender was looking for him. He clearly didn’t want her help.

Hermione began drawing the bath and went over to her locker. She changed into her swim clothes and grabbed a fluffy towel. She’d heard stories from other prefects that the bathroom was open to anyone at any time, so she’d remembered halfway through last year to bring swim clothes to wear in case she ever wanted a bath. It seemed odd and perhaps defeated the purpose of it, but she’d rather not get caught naked in the large pool size tub if someone else were to walk in.

She tied her hair back and recalled everything that had happened that evening. In retrospect, she really shouldn’t have intervened. Instead of helping the situation between her and Ron, she probably reignited the flame of the row between them. Her mind drifted to her conversation with Lavender. She couldn’t believe Lavender didn’t know where the kitchens were. She’d been with ron for what, three months now? It was his favorite place to frequent at night, and he would normally beg Hermione to stop there when they were on rounds or coming back from the library. She smiled at the memories, then realized that that was something that was still just ‘theirs.’

Hermione stayed in the warmth of the water, and lost track of the time. She opened her eyes when she heard the door open. It was Ron.

“Oh, sorry…” he said as he turned around sheepishly.

“It’s fine,” she said. Hermione tugged on the strap of her top to indicate she was decent.

“Right. Mind if I..?” he asked her. He must have had the same idea.

“No.” She watched him walk over to the boy’s lockers and disappear behind the wall. He reemerged in his own swim trunks and towel and got in on the other side of the massive tub.

“I finished my essay,” he said.

“That’s good,” she returned. There was an air of awkwardness around the whole situation. She struggled to decide whether she should tell him about her encounter with Lavender. “I ran into Lavender on my way back from the library.”

Ron looked at her. “Oh?”

“She was looking for you.”

“What’d you tell her?” he asked hesitantly.

“That you didn’t want to be around me, so we split up. I may or may not have lied about you starting down by the kitchens.”

“Always quick on your feet, you are,” Ron said with a slight chuckle.

“Yes, well, I found it interesting that she didn’t know where the kitchens were,” Hermione said nonchalantly.

“Er- well, the time’s never exactly come up for her to go down there with me.” Ron said meekly. Hermione noticed his ears darken slightly, and she decided to let it go, taking the small victory for what it was.

“She also told me to stay away from you,” Hermione said quietly.

“She what? She doesn’t get to decide who I do or don’t spend time with,” Ron didn’t look surprised by Hermione’s words. She wondered if there’d been a similar conversation between them in the past.

“I told her as much before I walked away. But I’ve been thinking, and it’d probably be best if I stayed away. I don’t want to cause any more trouble,” she said reluctantly.

“But-”

“Seriously, Ron, if you want to be with her, our friendship will just make things worse for you. I get it, you chose her, and I’ll respect that.” Her words sounded hollow. There wasn’t anger or jealousy behind them, just an acceptance that whatever they’d had before was gone. “We should probably get back. It’s almost ten.”

Ron stared at her as he tried to take in her words. He certainly didn’t want Hermione out of his life forever, but he didn’t know how to tell her that. Especially not after three months of estrangement. Hermione got out of the water and Ron couldn’t help but stare. She was wearing the two-piece from the summer that had been the starring outfit in many of his late night wanks. He looked away as Hermione wrapped herself in the towel.

“Are you coming?” she asked as she headed to the girl’s lockers.

“Er, yeah, be right there.” He watched her walk away as he tried to attend to the bulge that had made a strong appearance in his swim trunks. Satisfied that she was gone, Ron got out and wrapped himself in a towel as he drained the tub. He returned to the boy’s lockers to get dressed and try to get Hermione out of his mind. His erection hadn’t been this hard or strained in he couldn’t say how long. Even with Lavender on top of him in an empty classroom.

She was waiting for him by the door when he emerged from the locker room. They made their way back silently, but as they were approaching the door, one thing was clear that Ron needed to say to Hermione. “Hermione, I don’t know what Lav’s saying in the dorms, but we haven’t shagged. I just wanted you to know that.”

“Thanks, Ron, but like I said, it’s none of my business.” She attempted a smile towards him as she entered the common room and made straight for the dorms. She steeled herself in preparation of going back to giving him the cold shoulder. Even though she’d had to accept what she’d told him earlier, she couldn’t help the hope that her heart felt by his words earlier. Maybe, just maybe, they’d get through this.

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rosesnink · 5 years ago

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The Damned Daughter, Part Two: Acts of Forgiveness

A/N: Hello, cuties! I’m sorry I haven’t posted much around, but I have been living mu youth and studies, so I have written down little. Only setting priorities, but during this No Content November, I shall write without pressure and taking small steps. There is also a new chapter of The Cursed Heiress that Sinclaire stans will absolutely love!

Summary: Thomas’s recent death makes Joanna’s future shatter in a million pieces // Joanna and her father have a heart-to-heart about losing a beloved one // Joanna decides to honour Thomas’ death // Thomas’s death is too much to bear on young Joanna’s shoulders // On Joanna’s weakest hour, she sees someone she thought gone forever.

Word Count: 3929

Rating: PG-13

December, 1814

The day of the mass for Thomas’s soul was one of the most shattering, soul-breaking things Joanna ever suffered. While the priest chanted about Heaven and Thomas’s soul, she looked at her hands, which days ago were full of blood. His blood. Her beloved’s blood.

Her mother hugged her all night, never leaving her and not moving an inch while she cried, wailed and grabbed her stomach of the big pain she was feeling. Heart-broken. Feeling like a thousand cuts were all over her body and only his presence could cure them. She held her portrait with him as she cried, all of her sorrow, sadness, depression, shallowness invaded her.

The third day, Mrs. Coleman visited her daughter-in-law and they cried, prayed and started to prepare his body. Then the priest named the price. Too much for the Colemans to afford. The beautiful, ethereal snow was now grey, like Mother Nature felt her pain. Elias was there, doing efforts to find the murderer, but no luck.

She had his favourite shirt on her hands, his essence still on it. She hugged it, hoping Thomas’s body would shape itself in it and they’d proceed with their wedding, ought to be celebrated the 3rd of June of 1815. But it would never happen.

At first she tried to blame the Elders, storming on their chamber and screaming and attacking at them, but they assured they never wanted him dead, just out of their way once she turned 20. The same age he died. A young man who started to live, now reduced to ashes.

She dropped on her knees that night, blaming herself for what happened. She grabbed her whip and started to spank herself, hard, on her back, insulting herself, damning the murderer, the Elders and their fucking schemes, the fucking destiny and their bullshit. She didn’t sleep that night. Nor the next one. Nor the next fifteen ones until she fainted in the middle of work for the big, burdening exhaustion and pain she was suffering. She woke up three days later, Briar at her side and telling her that the Colemans would keep Thomas’s corpse on his old painting room until they found money to afford his funeral.

Her mother was weak, not able to do much, and the Colemans refused any help from them or anyone, shutting themselves down.

Days later, they sent her all of his drawings, assuring her that he would’ve wanted her to have them.

She decided to ride to a gentleman’s house she knew in Moorfield, a day away from it. She didn’t tell anyone. She didn’t stop riding until she reached the village. People looked at her and her saddened and sorrowful face and red, brilliant hair. The hidden drawings.

Soon, a wonderful lady assisted her on finding this Maecenas that was so reserved and exclusive. At his door, she knocked with confidence and a man, probably on his late 40s opened the door “Joanna Mills, I presume?”.

“Yes, sir.”

“Did you bring them?”.

“On my reticule, sir.”

“Come in and do not touch anything.”

She got into the cosy house, full of paintings dated on the 1300s, sculptures and miniatures. The man guided her to sit down and hand nicely the paintings and so she did. He observed them for long, humming and sometimes showing impression or amusement, but never something that could prove he was impressed and interested on the paintings.

“Hmm, you’ve brought me 105 paintings of all sorts, Miss Mills, and all of them have their uniqueness, however, most of them are about you or the countryside life and people like the sea. I shall take the ones of the countryside to a gallery that collects landscapes and the ones where we don’t see your face will be sold, for people have a thing now for red. The other 35 of them are all yours to hang or burn, however, this certain picture of you I assume is truly breath-taking. We see you on a perfect side, facing on one hand some sorts of creatures ready to kill you, and behind you, all good things: flowers, forest animals, wine… and that sword of yours is exquisite! I shall take this to the museum and negotiate a good place to hang it. What’s it’s the name of the painting again?”.

She mulled for a minute before looking up to him and smile “Vunera’s soul.”

“She looks like you.” The man observed.

“That is not me. See? The hair is redder and she is taller and with darker blue eyes. I was but an inspiration for her.”

“And who is this Vunera?”.

“… The Goddess of the Peace and Tranquillity. She who shall bring us peace to all the realms.”

“Hmmphh, I hope so. So, let’s discuss the price and what you’ll gain if the painting is to be hanged at the London Museum…”.

April of 1816

Joanna’s feet brought her to the library, her sanctuary and salvation when the voices were too loud and overwhelming. She had under her reticule her flawless portrait of her and Thomas on her 18th birthday, a month before his death. It was made by this raising artist that was very gifted. They were holding hands, grazing at each other and she was wearing a navy blue dress that showed a bit of cleavage and was open to her back. She was wearing a headpiece, the same one Thomas’s mother wore when she married Mr. Coleman and Thomas was wearing Grandfather Uzaric’s wedding attire: a golden one, making his eyes shine and every detail was there: from his big, calloused hands to her scars on her back and feelings perfectly portrayed on the canvas.

“That’s a beautiful portrait.” She spun around to find her father, observing the painting “He seemed like a good lad who truly loved you.”

She relaxed and softened on his presence “He truly was. Dedicated, willing and cheery. He could make laugh the most bitter man alive and had such a beautiful way with the easel. We ought to be thy wedded husband and wife, but he was…”.

“I know. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Losing a betrothed is the most heart-breaking thing to happen. I know how much you loved him.”

“I—thank you, father.”

He squeezed her hand and kissed her knuckles as he guided her through the library, assuring her that he had the perfect book for her: Lord Byron’s section.

He explained to her that his verses wouldn’t soothe her pain, but would make it understand it better. He also recommended to read Austen’s newest novel, Emma.

She smiled grateful at him and started to read, hours flying by as she got lost in Lord Byron’s words. In a way, she saw herself, saw the world, forgot about the pain, the memories… until she fell asleep.

31st of December, 1814

The days passed as she returned by portal from that village, getting herself to handicraft, thing that she found relaxing and a way to release her anger towards everything. She got marble and many tools of the money -that, considering her economic condition, she could’ve had a supper of nobles- she got from the man and started to build, day and night, sometimes even skipping adventures with Briar to finish her masterpiece. The last day of the year ended and she wiped the sweat off her face, smiling ear to ear.

She had finally a place to bury Thomas, at least temporarily. She called them five minutes before the new year, 1815, and everyone was in awe with the flowers she brought. Forget-Me-Not, Thomas’s favourites. Lilies, her personal favourites and red, orange and yellow roses, the bouquet she was going to walk down the aisle with. Everyone bid goodbye to him between tears and let her and the mother to mourn him on their own.

“What you did today… it was the most thoughtful, beautiful and light-hearted thing you’ve ever done for my boy, and trust me, you’ve done plenty.” The clock stroke 12 am and everyone back in the plaza cheered “Happy new year, Joanna. May 1815 bring you the peace in yourself and the enough will to forgive yourself.”

“…I will forgive myself when I find his murderer and kill it myself.”

She stood there for a long time, even when Mrs. Coleman said goodbye to her to put the little ones to sleep. She started to bury his tomb, crying in silence as she muttered “I don’t know who did this to you, but I’ll find them and kill them. I promise I will avenge you, my love. Even if it takes me a thousand years.”

1815

During that year, from the beginning to the end, she searched from all over the Earth, following leads and loopholes that always took her back to square one. That and during the year, her mother was getting worse and she couldn’t find a cure for it. She reached and reached, always threatening anyone and everything, never showing any hesitation.

Until one day, Elias confessed her to have seen Gaius Agustine stabbing someone who looked the same as Thomas and she lost it. She stood on her mother’s bedroom, crying and feeling useless. One person that she loved died and she couldn’t do anything and now the most important woman of her life was dying slowly and painfully and there wasn’t going back.

How many more do I have to lose to end this pain?

She stood there, on her knees and crying over her mother’s weak body, who couldn’t do as much as kiss her and assure her that if she was to die, she’d die with no pain. And she kept her promise.

Even after the revelation, she gave all her might to soothe the pain.

“Jo… you must go there. Your father is your destiny. We won’t see each other in a long, long time. That’s why I want you to make it count: fight hard, make art, never apologize for using your voice, make every day a new adventure. And make sure you live at least one big, worthy and epic love. And always be yourself, because when you do, the best of me shines in you. Live, my child. Wherever I go, my heart and soul will be with you, watching, and proud.” She coughed “One more thing. Tell Vincent that if his time ever comes, that I’ll wait for him by the shore, at dawn. He’ll understand the message.”

April of 1816

Joanna knew that moving to Edgewater would be a huge change, but she wasn’t aware of how even her own beliefs would change once she met her father. All he had to say, how gentle, kind and even sometimes clumsy he was with many things made her heart flutter with softness like she has ever known. They didn’t see each other much, but always made up by reading to each other out loud or even ride a bit and have long talks and even talk about Mary’s many lives during 700 years on the earth. She found amusing how sometimes he’d frown, scowl or even be caught on surprise when they commented Mary’s many lovers. Some made him curious, some made him a bit annoyed by how gross they were with his Mary and even he was impressed that figures like the Sultan Mehmed II and Elizabeth I were close friends of hers and had accords of her kind protecting humanity of monsters and themselves.

“I just can’t believe your mother could see anything in Hernan Cortez! He was a brute who did brutalities towards the poor indigenous!” He exclaimed, annoyed that Mary could eye someone like him.

Joanna chuckled “By that time she wasn’t Mary. Her name was Lavinia then.”

“And about her and Cesare Borgia… were they some kind of affair or…?”.

“They were good friends. Cesare’s eyes were unwaveringly set in someone else, but you already know who. Right?”.

“Of course I do! I know my history. Plus, it’s hard to ignore a history like his…”.

Joanna chuckled and reached for another sweet, stroking her father’s grey hair and caressing his old, rogue face “I know you and Thomas would’ve gotten along very well. He loved studying.”

“Tell me more about him and your long engagement. For what I’ve overheard of the people who come here to sell animals and supplies, he was a great man.”

Joanna nodded, nostalgic “He was. One of the kindest, funniest and most accessible people I’ve met. He was one of the very few people who weren’t horrified of me. He made me feel beautiful, not some kind of beast.”

“I never thought you loved him so dearly. I am truly sorry for your loss, sweetheart. I truly am.” He squeezed her hand “How did Mary take it? I thought mortals and immortals are forbidden to be together, no exceptions.” He frowned.

Joanna scowled “The elders saw it as some sort of small experiment, like someone temporal in my life that once you called for me, I’d just leave him and welcome anyone else with open arms. Like he were nothing.”

“But he was everything to you.” Vincent finished what her soul couldn’t.

She nodded “Every time I close my eyes, I see him. Either looking at me with so much love or either dying in my arms, helpless and in pain.” She choked a sob “And it’s all my fault.”

Vincent put his arms around her and she sobbed “I really hate the Elders. They used him as a pawn, like he was someone who I could replace, like—like our love as an impossible one.”

Vincent’s face fell “I know exactly how you feel.”

She looked up at him and understood that his father was also a pawn for the Elders, a disposable one “But you lived to tell the tale. Many men had died over the years at my family’s hands over less.”

“I have also been thinking how is that they haven’t killed me yet. My best guess, I am still a pawn at this game.”

Joanna sobbed “I hate this.”

“Mary died because she was willing to fight for us, to bet on it, and even if it was her choice, it still hurts.”

“I cannot forgive myself for what happened to him. I don’t think I’ll ever will.”

“…Me neither, my dear. Me neither.”

They stood in silence for a long time. They both had lovers who were willing to fight for their love and got caught in the crossfire, being living proof of this cruel, wretched and vicious world. Both the world of men and the supernatural world.

When they got back and Joanna escorted her father to meet up with Mr. Sinclaire, she stopped on her tracks and looked at him.

“Something wrong?”.

“Mama’s name. Mary Mills was an alias to blend in.”

“What was her name then?”.

“Odessa. Odessa Minerva Crochane.” She smiled weakly before leave to meet up with Miss Sutton for tea.

January 1816

Joanna always read in books about heartbreak. Crying on the floor, heartache, all that kind of foolishness she knew she would never suffer.

How wrong she was.

There she was, on his improvised tomb, laying on the floor, crying silently as memories flooded: Thomas laughing, kissing her, his hands on hers, his ragged breath when they saw the stars together… all now but a memory of hers. She always knew that heartbreak was one of the worst feelings in the world, but she never guessed that it would hurt this much, that she’d feel a thousand cuts, that every time she remembered him, it’d bring her joy and tears on her face, that it was now up to her to make possible to remember him for the rest of her endless life.

“I am sorry for your loss, Joanna. I truly am.” Even with her blurry vision, she could recognize it.

Her eyes were now red, and not because of the tears shed, but for the man who had the gall to come there and pretend he didn’t murder her beloved in cold blood.

“The disrespect… the nerve… the audacity!” She growled.

“I… what?”.

“Stop pretending, Gaius! I know it was you!”.

“That is ridiculous! Why would I murder a farm boy?”.

“Because you hate me… and you can!” With that, she threw him a ball of power. The man grunted as he looked at her… confused? Now he was playing dumb! “Don’t look at me like that! It’s your fault! All yours!” She kept yelling “You waltz here, burn down villages and turn people just because you can! You think you’re better than anyone, but you’re not!” She kept coming closer to him and pushing him, and he did nothing! What game was he playing?! “Why the fuck are you standing there?! Defend yourself! Fight me!” She kicked him high and punched him over and over, while the ground shook over her rage “Fight back, Agustine, FIGHT BACK!” She screamed with all her rage, sending him flying across the field and she got on his level, punching him with all her strength and screaming him to do something, his face bloody and healing in a second, letting it all out, with him doing nothing.

Elias grabbed her, separating her from him while he tried to calm her down, but with the ground shaking like it was a big earthquake and the wailing girl, she looked at the wounded man “You don’t know what you’ve done! Are you satisfied, Gaius?! Do you feel like a man?! Like a king?! Huh?! Come on, defend yourself! Be a man! FIGHT!” Before he could reply, Elias snapped her neck, and with that, she fell asleep, feeling in peace for a long time.

March 1816

Since the darkened Thomas stabbed her, Joanna lost sense of time. She lost her chance at do magic by expecting others to save her. How pathetic was that? Very, she thought.

“Joanna?”.

She whipped her head around to find the last person she thought she would see: Thomas. But not an evil one, but the real Thomas. Her Thomas.

“T-tommy?” Her heart started to pound against her chest, threatening to spill out. Tears welled on her eyes.

“In the flesh.” He smiled. Like, genuinely smiled.

She let out a breath and a weigh she was unaware she was carrying for… basically her whole life. She ran to him, hugging him tightly, making him chuckle “My love, my beautiful man… how did you find me?”.

“When you’re dead, the space-time knows no boundaries. I heard your voice and I though, nay, I had to come to you. To talk to you.”

She let out a sob, her lips wobbling “I’m so sorry…” She started to cry “Sorry for everything. Hiding things from you, not being the betrothed you needed, to be the responsible of your death—” She inhaled sharply “I’m so sorry for everything that happened… I feel… like I will never forgive myself for what happened to you.”

“Well, too bad, because I forgive you, Joanna. I forgive you because I know that if it depended on you, I’d still be alive… and your wedded husband, if you’re still up to it.”

She fell silent, the weigh of her heart now on her chest “Thomas, I—I have someone in my heart—doesn’t mean that I’ve forgot about you—”.

“I know. I’ve seen it. I saw everything. And I don’t mind, because if you’re happy, then… I’m happy too. Your happiness has always been my greatest goal, Joanna. That’s why I need you to forgive yourself. To stop punishing yourself with that whip when you think no one’s watching.” He cradled her on his arms, like a sobbing baby who needed comfort after a big nightmare “You have such a big heart, Joanna. You are capable of loving so much, but if you keep burdening yourself with something that wasn’t even about you, people will get hurt. They will get hurt.” He heard her gasp, realizing that he was right “I know it hurts, but it had never been your fault. I was just a pawn, but you are the queen of the chess. Only you can take down the king and save your army.” He grabbed her by the shoulders “Wake up, Joanna. Go back to them. I feel them close. Be strong. Be passionate. Be unapologetically yourself. Make love with whoever you please. Feel free to live by your own will and never let anyone, much less a man, get you down. Because you’re worth it. You hear me, Joanna? You are worth every death, every sacrifice, everything. And keep these words in your heart: I am not dead because of you. I am at peace knowing that you are the reason this world will survive as long as you’re in it. Remember this. Remember me. Remember us. And never be afraid to show your heart, because every time you do so, you honour my memory. Now, go, alright? Live a life for both of us and the children we never had like you would’ve wanted it. Save us all, Joanna, because when you do, soon you will find that home you yearn for. Not without pain, not without seeing a bit of death, not without putting a hell of a fight, but you will find it. And you’ll soon will realize that it was worth it.”

She nodded “I’d do it. I’d do all of it, all over again. I’d still choose you, I’d say yes again, I’d spend that afternoon in the cave again… and I’d choose you as my first love. Always and until the end of times, I will love you, Thomas Coleman. And I shall never love any other man as I love you.”

She grabbed him by the collar and kissed him, slowly, unhurried, sweetly, tenderly and with her heart now at ease.

“Wake up, my love. Wake up.”

She closed her eyes, falling into the darkness again to then go back to life.

The clash of swords almost ringed on Joanna’s ears, wincing and her hand hesitating for the first time ever since she had memory. Before her, stood the last person she wanted to hurt: Thomas. He had a wicked smile and his blue-ish skin highlighting his black veins.

“Not so brave now, love?”.

“Give up now, Thomas. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He parried before smirking malevolently “But I do.”

She dodged his attack and winced when he slashed her arm. She looked at him, perhaps for too long before he kicked her on the heel and she stumbled violently to the floor, his sword on her neck “I will cut off your neck. That will shut you up.”

She breathed without thinking “I love you.”

He scoffed, taken aback “Won’t you fight back?”.

He softened “Sometimes I forget how tender can you be.” He caressed her hair.

She seized the opportunity and stabbed him on the neck “Just as dutiful and effective.”

He gasped for air as he looked at her, his eyes now coming back to the ones she was familiar with “Wh..y…”.

Joanna bolted, gasping and breathing heavily.

She realised, she was dreaming yet again. But it seemed so real... Could she? Be capable to kill the man she loved for save other people who would never recognize her sacrifice?

And the most important thing… could she be able to live with it?

#playchoices fanfiction #desire and decorum #desire and decorum au #the damned daughter #oc: joanna mills #oc: thomas coleman #joanna x thomas #the damned daughter series

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chibimyumi · 5 years ago

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Hey. I know that in the Kuro anime (and a lot of fanarts) there are many parallels drawn between Sebastian and crows (or ravens. No one seems to be able to agree). I was wondering if these parallels feature as predominantly in the manga (I know O!Ciel refers to him as a "crow" once or twice, and Sebs plays into the whole "nevermore" thing but that is really just two scenes)? I was wondering if you could do an analysis on these comparisons? Thank you in advance 😊

Dear November-solarstorms,

First of all, my apology for taking so long to get to you! Now hoping this post finds you in good health, let us dive into the connection between Sebas and this black bird.

Lasting First Impression

Indeed! It is mostly the anime that makes blatant references of Sebas being a crow/raven. As this reference is the first thing we see of Sebas in the anime, it is also the most lasting image. It is therefore also no wonder that many fan-artists make raven/crow references to Sebas, because the majority of Kurofans for a long time used to be anime (only)-watchers.

Symbolism and Association

As for the manga... to the best of my knowledge the only alluding in the manga towards Sebastian being a raven or a crow is in chapter 14.

This only reference of raven/crow to Sebas happened in the fragment of a dream of O!Ciel. So this was by no means actual information about Sebastian. The reason this link was made in this dream has undoubtedly something to do with O!Ciel’s cultural background.

Predominantly in (but not limited to) western cultures, crows and ravens with their pitch black feathers have long been associated with doom and death. Some literature also mention some demons taking shape as ravens or crows when on earth, such as Stolas (36th demon in the pantheon), Malphas (39th) and Raum (40th). In general, ravens and crows display behaviours that spook humans, and combined with their appearance, they have come to be associated with ‘demise’. In most religions, ‘demise’ is automatically linked to ‘Hell’, and ‘Hell’ again to ‘demons’. O!Ciel grew up in a Christian society, so the association between this black animal and demons could not have escaped him.

Does O!Ciel think of Sebas as a crow or raven? Humans do not need to agree with an association to have that image pop up at the mention of something. When playing Pictionary for example, we grab for the most ‘dominant image’ of something, rather than going for something factually accurate. When we get the word ‘Chinese man’ for example, most people would probably draw this straw hat and splitty eyes, even though they probably know it is simply not accurate, let alone politically correct.

During the summoning of Sebas, the demon did show up as a raven (I think? To be honest, that thing looks more like a black dove to me...) However, he did also show up as any other animal, so we can safely assume that this manifestation did not cause O!Ciel to equate his demon to a black bird. If at all, then this specific manifestation simply spoke to O!Ciel’s confirmation bias at most.

In the reference in chapter 14, Sebas says “Never More”, which is a quote from Poe’s poem, “The Raven”. This reference was later to be confirmed to stem from O!Ciel having read said poem before going to bed. This revelation supports the reading of O!Ciel associating Sebas with a raven simply because he grew up in a culture with this strong, pre-fabbed association of demons with ravens.

Sebastian’s Character?

I have made several analyses on Sebastian’s character, such as in this post and this post. From all the studies I have done on him, I would not say he displays any behaviour that really would make me say: “he is a raven,” except the obvious of: “he is smart, he preys and he kills”. In this post I explained how despite being a demon, Sebas never actually uses supernatural powers to prey. All his predatory actions in the manga so far could have been done by any patient and smart, and cunning human. So if humans who behave in this way are not ‘ravens’, then neither is Sebas simply based on his actions. Here again we see how this dominant image stems from our culturally bred association of ravens = demons.

Sebastian’s Message

Regardless of how much we speculate around, the arguably most important information about whether Sebas is a crow/raven or not is in his own message to us.

私は何物でもなく、何者にも成れる

Watashi wa nanimono de mo naku, nanimono ni mo nareru.

I am nothing at all, but there is no-one I cannot become.**

(**TLN: In Japanese it is literally: “I am not anything, I can become anyone,” but for nuance’s sake, I translated it as above.)

This title message is a beautiful wordplay by Yana wherein the words ‘mono’ are written as 物 (thing) first, and then 者 (person). With these words Sebastian tells us that he is nothing we have on earth. Instead, he can simply become anything (raven, octopus, wolf, table, chair), or anyone (Trash Butler) at his command.

On this picture, multiple other things are depicted besides the raven on Sebas’ arm. This tells us that this demon truly is as much the wolf, the octopus, or even the pointy circle or black chair as he is the raven. This is almost a shout-out that he would not want us to limit our interpretation of him to this iconic bird.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I think Sebastian is associated with ravens/crows (once by O!Ciel, and otherwise by fans) only because us humans have been fed this imagery from a very young age. The very first image we have seen of him in the anime is also this raven image. And unlike in the manga, this dominant image was later even confirmed to actually be “Sebastian’s true form”, giving nobody reason to disregard this comparison as ‘simply symbolic’.

And also. Because it is cool, and because WE CAN. Also, because Yana loves doing so too. Like. A LOT.

#Sebastian Michaelis #Analysis #meta #character analysis #raven #crow #demon form #demon #true form #Japanese #Language analysis #a bit...#Imagery #symbolism

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