#this is the jake anon lore dump and i'm STILL probably missing things

[youareinlove]

I fear i’m in worse position cause’ i don’t know the jake anon lore lmao

oh boy here's the rundown:

started out as an anon who confessed that they initially wanted a gyllenswift revival after joever, and when i was like ??? they were like "i thought he changed" and i made an "i can fix him (no really i can)" joke basically saying they needed to learn from her saying "whoa maybe i can't"

anon was like "well she doesn't need to end up with him but i want him bc he's hot" and i was like 👍 this is great i'm obsessed and the icon jake anon as we know them was born

they adopted the pittsburgh steelers as their football team because that's jake's football team, angering a different anon of mine (packers anon). packers anon has more lore attached that is completely separate but they're not around as much right now because their real job is to cure cancer. anyway them and jake anon are frenemies because of this development

jake anon said their home team was actually the miami dolphins because they live in miami (their dad is a big fan) and they don't care about football at all but kinda support both these teams for the bit

then we learned they were an architect and we were all shellshocked (other facts we'd learned at this point: they hated it when jake shaved the beard, they desperately wanted jake to go back to the indie movies, and the first jake gyllenhaal movie they watched was love and other drugs and it rewired their brain)

eventually they started using this 🧣 emoji

jake anon was already an icon at this point, like they were (and are) all of our parasocial internet bestie. other facts about them are that they like the tv show sex and the city (they have influenced me to start watching it), cheesecake, and berry sangria. they also want to get out of florida

then a different anon told us that their friend was dressing as jake gyllenhaal for their liverpool show and jake anon was like "...i am also trying to get liverpool tickets no way"

anon's friend who was dressing up as jake gyllenhaal for eras was dubbed "jake dupe" because i made a joke about jake anon wanting to meet jake dupe being the equivalent of me getting a folklore cardigan dupe alkdjflfsjd

jake anon turned out to be really good at mastermind and is our MVP

it turned out that jake dupe is also floridian (he supports the buccaneers but whatever). the plot thickens

we discovered that they both had floor tickets to liverpool n2 and this became an actual possible reality that everyone was super hyped about

jake anon decided to wear the equivalent of donna kelce's chiefs/eagles jersey but for the steelers and the dolphins (picked bradshaw's jersey for the steelers because of carrie bradshaw LOL)

jake dupe was dressed as that one photo of jake gyllenhaal where he's wearing a shirt that says "i was a gay cowboy before it was cool"

today was liverpool n2 and they met! for real! most of the events of today are accessible via scrolling