#this was a sort-of practice to hone that contrast... IDK

[l0s3r95]

Back to my roots :p

[dancekickboxcardio]

I have to show up today. I made my fit Americano which doesn’t have to be cold 🥶 brew anymore. I also have some water 💦. I should be eating 🍽 right not but I don’t feel like it.

I have to bring up that issue with Laura. There is the proper way and just how your life falls. Then you ask yourself the other is better because it contributes to my overall health how?

I have to adjust this weather 🍃🍂🍁. The crisp chill is really affecting my circadian rhythm what a surprise. No really, it affects the amount of neurotransmitters in your brain 🧠 I don’t know the exact details because your eyes 👀 only filters so much light 🌞. Those changes in brain chemicals affects your body. Yup, nursing 👩🏼‍⚕️ is pretty practical knowledge. You don’t have 👶🏻 babysitting experience. Heck, they teach you how to wrap and football 🏈 hold a bambino 🤱🏻 how much you feed them because their stomachs are small and how often. It’s like overwhelming stuff apart from the feeling that you have this precious thing in your hand 🖐🏾 the emotions that you feel and in an intense way, the lack of sleep 💤 and the feeling that am I doing all and best that I can? Chill. Parenting is personalized that’s why some kids are better than others.

I have to so watch Taylor Swift on concert 🎫 . I feel my blood surge. Warm fuzzy feeling. This song 🎶 woke me up not because it makes you fall which it does, how fitting 🍁 but because it’s poetry. It’s like words put together like pastry 🥮. It was beautiful. I relate to it. Full life. I got up because I had this thought 💭 that I want to read more poetry thanks to song and influence of the twitter accounts of Into the Forest and Library Hunter. They say stuff that busy bodies like I don’t pay attention to or care. I like them because I feel that they don’t tell you how to live, they ask you how to feel ♥️. It’s an intellectual exercise for me more on. You get in touch with who you are inside and that’s important too. It can be too much, too little and that’s for you to experience. There is not the perfect way to living life. But there is an advantageous method to doing it. What I am saying is no should tell you exactly how to think 🤔, act or feel. But know that it mustn’t be harmful.

In contrast to Taylor Swift, the BO$$ song played as I was preparing my fit Americano. Jamesicle and Oullsie are running rambunctiously and Jayjay was wrestling 🤼‍♀️ older bro Spark ⚡️. He gets love 💕 and that’s how he channels his excitement. For the most part, he is really a sociable active cat. He does what he wants. I was grabbing something from my room 🚪. Was it my water 💦 bottle or my cellphone 📱 ? It was my hydroflask and I heard the song 🎼. I heard that Kelli taught my party 🎊 class, Dance Jams 🕴🏻. I am so happy 😃 they enjoyed how she teaches. Angie maybe attitudey but that’s exactly what you love 💗 her. You get acquainted with stank and sass. Gawd, it is so much fun. What I am saying is that coming from my room to the kitchen I started dancing 🕺🏽. I thought 💭 it right away, I must attend training 👟 because of it of course.

I have been honing on to being zero in sharp. It is to my advantage to loosen my thinking 🤔 and allow random unrelated interrupted and jumbled ideas 💡 come to me. It is scary how I can be so spot on exact. Cognition is apart of mental health. Sometimes we are so messed up because we confuse ourselves. You are so sure. Better be doubtful. IDK 😐 . I am just a psych kind of gal 👩🏼‍🎓. It is helpful for me like what I was saying while waiting for leg 🦵🏾 equipment, I know exactly what I would do. Let’s be hypothetical and allow our brains 🧠 to sort of do a wheel spin and you stop 🛑 it at a spontaneous point, what is you reaction and not what your usual first reaction that could be a reflex 😝. Method to the madness hell yeah. But in confusing yourself your mind is jumbled up. The connections of neurons up there is shuffled and I like that. But there are so many things happening. It’s not simple. Like there is mental processing extinction, speed, capacity, recency, etc. I recommend Dr. Groth. Although I am so Dr. Weig—‘s student. They are both tough professors. All are including Dr. White. They have different teaching expertise. What I mean is they focus at different strengths and I got what I paid for, on a state school tuition 💰. You are horrible. Bargain.

I am going to add to this post stuff from weekend 🗓 that I never put out. Because the weather makes you want to cozy up and cuddle and wear orange brown and drink chai, well your reasons for continued taking care of your body must succeed your easy comfortable desire to hang out in a plush seat 🛋 . I listen to👂🏾 my body just as I eavesdrop at the self-talk generated by all human reason, my right ankle is weak and my right hips is a little achy. No back pain 😖? Right away my gears ⚙️ up there processed go easy on your body perhaps no MetCon but rower 🚣🏼‍♀️ or paddle bike 🚲. What I discovered by chance is when you work on your muscles 💪🏾 on different ways in a day it develops better. Haha 🤣 , rocky hard biceps. I love 💕 it. Sometimes decision making is not there. Many times, it already has this scheme, a tree 🌳 of some sort that helps you out in knowing what’s the best way to approach even if it’s not a day overview but just a planning ahead in like a 5 hour period. Or when I don’t feel like it, what do I want to do as I walk into the candy 🍭 store jungle of strengthening machines.

I would like to watch TV 📺 . Vampire 🧛🏻‍♀️ Diaries. 😆

[morwensteelsheen]

ok just struggling with this afta characterisation while on my study break

She would never be a politician, of that he was confident. She masked her emotions well, and had a canny sense of self-awareness, but she was in the habit of being a bit too honest. It was probably to her credit that she struggled so obviously with dishonesty, but in the world she now inhabited, it could be a dangerous liability. His father also never lied, though he had a remarkable talent for telling only as much of the truth as was convenient to him, and then simply not divulging any further information. Éowyn, by stark contrast, told so much of the truth that she often expressed her opinions on events without fully intending to. 

Each time she admitted a little too much, his father looked at her with an expression of grim amusement. Boromir had none of his father or brother’s clear sight, but he had been his father’s closest companion for almost thirty years and knew well how to read him. He had that look upon his face that indicated he saw potential in her, and maybe even held her in some esteem already, in the way that one might look at a particularly precocious child and see a bright future. There were obvious reasons for that, in most ways, Éowyn was exactly the sort of person his father looked for in an ally: singularly dedicated to her duty, unruffled by snobbery, and eminently pragmatic. Her greatest personal fault, if it could even be said to be that, was that she was of Rohan, not Gondor, a nigh-on unforgivable sin in his father’s book. 

Even so, sending a young woman as Rohan’s ambassador had been an accidental stroke of genius — not, as Éowyn thought, because the fact of her womanhood made men more liable to speak openly with her, but because her womanhood had seen a level of deference stamped into her. Had Théodred Prince or her elder brother, Lord Éomer, been sent, they might have been every bit as practical and dutiful as she, but their warrior’s pride would have been a formidable obstacle to their success here. 

Éowyn, though she obviously struggled against it, had clearly been told enough times that quiet obedience was an important quality to hone in herself. Unlike military men, whose obedience came uncritically, it was abundantly clear that she carefully considered every command put to her. For that level of contemplation, to win her figurative genuflection was a more valuable thing. That mastery over her impulses endeared her (however marginally) to his father. And, certainly, when she was set in comparison to his brother — who also scrutinised every order he was given, but who always managed to find the most frustratingly unconventional way of executing them —, she seemed a fascinating thought exercise in what could have been.

I wanted to get Boromir, Denethor, and Éowyn in a room together, from Boromir’s POV, to try and have a more ‘objective’ take on what the relationship between Denethor and Éowyn would have been. And I’m absolutely adamant that they would have had an icy, maybe even begrudging, respect for one another, but... idk. I’m just really struggling to get it right without it being too unfaithful to the characters. Though I will say that we really only see Denethor at the peak of his misery, so I think a super close reading is necessary to get him Right. idk. anyways.

also i feel like:

not, as Éowyn thought, because the fact of her womanhood made men more liable to speak openly with her, but because her womanhood had seen a level of deference stamped into her. Had Théodred Prince or her elder brother, Lord Éomer, been sent, they might have been every bit as practical and dutiful as she, but their warrior’s pride would have been a formidable obstacle to their success here.

comes off as radfem-y, which is not what i’m intending, but i do basically think it’s true. like, i don’t think it’s true of All Women that they’re socialised into deference against their better natures or whatever, but i think éowyn definitely was. also i don’t know if anyone else is going to pick up on that being radfem-y but me. is this just because my brain is poisoned by having to study these fuckers?? maybe!!