#though the third one wasnt really. hard

[her-canine-teeth]

eat your young by hozier

[soulcaketuesday]

Five of Swords 🗡️

In a show about people being trapped in self made coffins, Namami is one of the only characters that's able to step away when she realises how harmful the system is to her. This card isn't about that, though! Five of Swords is about trying to win an unnecessary battle, inevitable defeat, and trying really hard to stab a classmate. Don't mind the bloody nose, the scraped knee, the smudged mascara - she's going to keep fighting, longer than she needs to, no matter who gets hurt, as long as the sun keeps shining down just on her like a spotlight.

one of my pieces from a now cancelled zine. the other piece is here, go look at this kid having a chill day. drafts and notes below

NANAMI MY GIRL MY SILLY GOOSE i was sooo happy to get assigned a card about her and i REALLY wanted to do the concept justice!! but i was fighting with this the entire time lmao!! i think her pose and expression changed a thousand times and i couldn't figure out where to place the swords or what to do with the sky, i kept trying to switch to a more painterly style bc i hated the lines and ended up just wasting time.... nightmare!!! well anyway hope u like it 💁‍♂️

some things:

she's wearing anthy's rose bride tiara and the earrings that were given to utena by akio, which can only mean good things for her. she's winning the fight. she's gonna win it. (the sillhouette of her shorts is similar to tsuwabuki's middle school uniform shorts in an effort to make her look more childish)

touga was originally supposed to be lurking in the background but he was messing with the composition so i deleted him. then his sword was supposed to be impaling nanami's rose but i didn't like it there so i moved it. despite everything he's still in the scene but only if you have eyes and hearts that believe..........

the yellow sun and white clouds could be an egg 🍳 it could be 🥚 take my hand...

i think the third thumbnail was actually my first attempt but i didn't like it very much... i liked the first one but wasnt sold on it tbh!! i still like the imagery of the tangled swords weighing her down and the little cuts and bandages on her hand, but idkkkkk. i just wouldn't have made it work lol so i guess i went for the most complicated one 💁‍♂️

[jammiesjars]

MDNI

Warnings: Accusation of Infedelity, heavily unedited writing (wrote this in a power outage in my notes app xx), fingering, eating pussy, dirty talk, dumbification if you squint REALLY hard.

One message is all it took for you to spiral.

Outrage was an understatement. A month, a single month, into Price’s deployment you had recieved a message from an unknown number. They insisted of Price having an affair with his so-called ‘receptionist.’ Being his wife, you didnt believe it. You and John had been married for years now. He wasnt that kind of man! (You hoped.)

Weeks passed and wheels start turning. Seeds of doubt had started digging into you. The late nights he had stayed at base before his deployment, only sending as much as a quick text of ‘Be home late. Dont wait up.’ Or the necessary secrecy between what happens at his job or deployment were starting to plant ideas in your head you wouldnt have ever had if not for that message. Youre being worn down, and its killing you. Its not like you could ask him; being thousands of kilometres away without any time to do as much as glance at his phone.

So the emotional resentment grew. You find yourself wondering how he could do this to you, crying in your empty home that housed the both of you not long ago. Before you even come to terms with it, Youve packed your bags and lawyered up, letting your resentment fester for far to long without any outside input.

On the third month of Prices deployment, you drive yourself up to base with one intention; leave the divorce papers on his desk to find when he comes back and to leave without confrontation.

Security on base knows you as ‘Price’s missus’ by now, offering a small wave and a smile as you walk by and into your husbands office. You put the papers on his desk, that frustration and hurt bubbling up all over again. He has your wedding photo framed on his desk and it only hurts more. What did you do to deserve this?

You turn to go, heading back towards his door when you hear muffled laughter and the sounds of gear being unzipped and dumped from down the hallway. Theyre back. You pick up the pace, praying you can slip out before he gets close enough to notice. You reach for the door handle, but the door opens before you can even grasp it.

Shit.

And there he is, your eyes drinking in the sight of the awfully more rugged version of your husband; beard outgrown and messy with tired eyes that light up at the sight of you.

That light dies as soon as sees just how mad you look.

“So youre telling me, one message is all it took to lose all fucking faith?” Price practically growls, fingers rubbing at his temples. Hes sat in his chair with you on the other side of his desk, just as furious. “Everything makes sense! The staying late at base, the short messages and lack of updates when your deployed!” You hiss, frustration bubbling over making anything small seem huge.

Price takes a deep breath, a futile attempt to calm his temper. “The shit I deal with doesnt sleep. Theres reasons i stay back that you will never know, love. The law itself, wont let me tell you. Same goes for messages. Im sorry i dont have the time to let you know im okay when im deployed, god knows i wish I did.” He scowls, his gaze so heated and intense that you almost look away despite your own fury.

“And what about this receptionist huh?”

Your tone has changed, soft and shaky. vunerable.

Price’s expression softens, but he doesnt say a word, simply rounding his desk to pluck you out of your own chair and putting you down in his office chair. He sinks to his knees in front of you, hands rested on your thighs. Blue eyes peer up at you, sickeningly sincere. “Love, I dont interact with her unless necessary. This isnt some romance movie bullshit.” Your heart is working overtime, lips parted as guilt bubbles. “You- you understand where my doubt is coming from, though…right? Everything lined up perfectly, and-“

Price simply tuts. “We’ve talked about that pretty little head of yours overthinking too much, havent we?” You freeze, throat drying. You nod. “Answer me, sweetheart.”

“Yes-“ you croak. “We have.”

Price grunts in approval, his hands now running up and down your thighs.

“Have you been feeling neglected, hm? Is that it? My sweet wife needs some attention?” Price rumbles, his large, calloused hands that have been marked by countless battles now playing with the hem of your skirt.

“You’ve got my attention now, luvie. No need to play these stupid games with me.”

Your mind is already growing hazy; your husbands words making you almost want to forget about this whole incident. A finger hooks onto the waistband of your panties, bringing you back to the moment.

“Stupid games? John i was prepared to divorce you-“ he shushes you, dragging your underwear down your thighs, then your calves and over your shoes before slipping them into his pocket. A cheeky smile graces his face. stupid muttonchops.

“Must’ve left you alone for far too long then, if you were willing to take it this far.”

He slings your legs over his impossibly large shoulders, making you squeak as your pulled forward on the chair.

“Wouldve come home and fucked those stupid thoughts straight out of your head if i had known you were having doubts about my loyalty, sweetheart.”

He presses a messy kiss to your clit, making you gasp. He grumbles something incoherent (“Me? Cheat? Silly girl.”), before licking a long stripe up your neglected cunt, causing your hips to buck. The taste of you after going months without has price groaning into your heat. He eats like a man starved, a mix of desire to prove his loyalty and that he finally gets to taste his wife after being away for so long.

Hes fuming, really. Toward you? No.

Towards whatever stupid bastard sent you that message. He’s glad you didnt notice him slip your phone in his pocket, because he knew you’d be against him hunting the fucker down. You just need a distraction to keep that pretty little head thinking too hard. And he’ll give you just that.

“Oh, my poor sweet wife…” He grunts, before sucking on your clit with a renewed fevor. He pulls off with a lewd pop, two thick fingers replacing his previous ministrations. You’re squirming in his office chair, mind hazy and hips bucking.

“Thinkin’ I was out here cheating on ya’… you know better, love.” He tuts.

His fingers curl so nicely into that spongey spot that makes you see stars. “M sorry-“ you’d slur, “I didnt believe it when I first saw the message I promise-“ you gasp as price presses his thumb against your clit, rubbing in small tight circles.

“Lovie, you stormed in here with divorce papers. Dont tell me you didn’t believe it.”

Your head tilts back as you pant, small gasps slipping past your lips.

“There we go.” Price coaxes, his fingers picking up their pace.

“Wouldnt even cross my mind to look at another woman when my gorgeous girl looks like that as I stuff her cunt full of my fingers.” He coos, watching your face intently as your release crashes down; intense enough to make you writhe and moan.

Price pulls his fingers from you, licking them clean before getting up off his knees. Your throat runs dry, bracing for whats to come even as you grapple your bearings. You’re mentally preparing for Price to be dissapointed, upset with you, maybe even mad.

He analyzes your expression, leaning back against his desk. His eyes scrape over your small form sat in his chair.

“Im not upset, love. That pretty little head of yours had months to overthink that message without a voice of reason.”

Price tilts your chin up.

“Lets just not have to do this again, hm? Then i’ll be mad.”

Its sounds like a threat, but it isnt. Price knows he’ll always be there to talk his beloved wife down from the edge.

[sparrowlucero]

i enjoy ur bird abode thoughts! I was a genuine enjoyer of the show when it was airing, I’m no die hard fan though and love to see ppls personal takes on the overall story/plot. Im curious if you also would agree or have any thoughts on the impacts The Mouse’s cancellation had on the shows ability to be more than it was? srry im not super eloquent with my words, but basically ur response to that ask got me wondering if part of the reason the show like genuinely wasnt all that ground breaking or unique in the end plot wise (other than the villain faces consequences in the end ig) as far as YA/Teen animation goes, was because of The Mouse’s inability to let the writers flesh out the show before gutting it? i have a negative bias toward The Mouse franchise and obviously dont know anything about how writing a show under the eyes of a franchise that big would work, its just smth that rattles around in my head and wanna know what u think!

Well to an extent, but I think it's much more the effect the studio had on how the owl house started out as rather than it not getting a full season at the end - It didn't escape my noticed that the show was initially announced as being a "horror comedy" when it doesn't really seem like either, especially by the second season, and yeah, the original pitch bible is obviously aiming for that much more than the show proper is as it goes along (and is honestly seems quite a bit more funny, weird, and dark, with an overarching plotline about a giant bug being used to religiously suppress people, eda able to cure her curse by killing luz, and one of the major characters being a teen boy awoken from a sleeping curse who ends up being a weird little bigot because he's from the 13th century, among other things)

(side note, i just noticed they actually specifically describe the thing i assumed the show was gonna be about here. huh.) but ultimately the bulk of the show that was actually made seems very influenced by a writing team that was genuinely interested in making a tropey YA fantasy story rather than just being mandated to. I mean even in what aired you can see the show sort of settle in ways that feel less like studio interference and more like, you know, art students creating their ideal fantasy show, like how King is clearly Eda's roommate who's funny because he looks like and sounds like a little dog despite being an adult man at the beginning but by the end they've made him her adopted sad backstory son who's explicitly a child. While I think a third season would have made the show as it existed better, because they clearly didn't get to finish the plot they wanted to (frankly to the point where some major aspects of the show are a bit confusing, I'm still not sure what a grimwalker is), I don't really fault the show for that but also don't think that hypothetical season (which pretty clearly would have been mostly about the magic school teens going to normal school) would suddenly flip around into something that I personally found interesting and subversive. Nor should it, really; again, it being Queernorm Harry Potter thing is clearly the intended appeal of the show, it's not really a flaw but just not a genre I'm personally interested in when compared to what I initially expected the show to be.

HOWEVER I will say they robbed little weird girls of their representation and that can't be forgiven

[raenosu]

Didn’t You Love Me?

Dazai x Y/n You think dazais cheating on you genre: angst TW: angst, not rlly nsfw (it talks abt moaning), part 2 here

Dazai keeps checking on his phone. Every time you talk, his eyes are locked in on his phone.

In fact, that wasnt the only suspicious thing.

He stopped hanging out with you as much. You two used hang out every second. As if you two were chained together, but now, that chain broke, and he’s been more distant than ever.

His glaze was always on his phone now, and Everytime there was a “bzzt” he would instantly grab his phone and start typing away.

You were skeptical. Very skeptical, it’s like your the third wheel now, in your own relationship too, and you were done with this.

Weeks pass since your initial thought of cheating, and in this particular day, you got off early. As you walk back to your apartment, you couldn’t wait to see Dazai again, he was the only thing keeping you alive after all.

As you unlock the door, you see two pairs of shoes in the doorway. Weird. You think. As you step into your shared apartment, you see the light turned on in your bedroom along with… moans? Yeah. Moans.

Your heart shattered. It broke in a million pieces that no one could pick up. After 3 years of dating, this really happens? You knew for a fact Dazai was a red flag, but he never cheated. Never. This was new.

As your hands grab the door handle, you swing the door open as years stride down your eyes.

As you look, you see Dazai, with a women. Worst part is, they were doing It. The women’s moans stopped as both Dazai and the unnamed beauty turned to look at you. One face is shocked, and the other is even more shocked.

The tears in your eyes didn’t stop. You tried to stop them. They couldn’t. You walk up to the two of them. “I need to talk to you samu… now.” You mutter, you didn’t have any strength left, not even in your voice.

As you two walk out of the bedroom and to the Kitchen, you see the women scurry out of your apartment. You were too heartbroken to care though, as tears kept on shedding through your eyes.

“Why…? Didn’t you love me?” You say. Your voice breaking apart. Dazai looked at you, his eyes as cold as ice, but you see the tiniest bit of light in those eyes. “People just gotta move on.” He says sternly. That broke your heart even more. You were about to crash out. You couldn’t do this anymore.

You broke down, your breath heavy, as you sank down to your knees, Dazais heart shattering a little bit. “I just don’t love you anymore.” He coldly says. The harshness of his voice piercing through your skull and your ears.

All those moments, gone, disappeared. Just like that. You hated this, you hated this so much. You were too tired to speak up though, and for a few moments, you two just stood like that.

“Leave then.” You say. His eyes don’t change at all, they’re cold now, he doesn’t love you anymore. “Okay.” He says, and he starts packing his stuff.

When he’s done, he grabs his suitcase and flings the door open. “Goodbye then.” He says. You couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t, your breath was shaky, your heart was cold. You couldn’t do anything anymore.

“good… bye.” You say, as you watch him leave through the door.

If only you knew though, if only you knew that as he said all those words, tears were trying so hard not to escape. If only it was that simple.

Dazai had to protect you though. This was for a good cause. If only though, if only you knew the true story.

—————————————————————————

Should I make a part two? (I probably will though)

also two posts in a day is a new record 🎉

[chiiyuuvv]

wc; 974

Thinking about classmate!eunseok, who you aren't necessarily friends with, but was someone that was always friendly. You decided to sit next to each other in your college course, agreeing to help the other out.

But recently eunseoks been really tired, stay up late since a new game just dropped last week, and hes been at it with seunghan ever since. The professor's droning voice along with the slightly chilly room sends him in a daze, his eyes getting heavier and heavier until they finally shut, his head leaning until they hit your shoulder.

You were a little shocked at first, having to erase your now messed up letters as you look over at him with a chuckle. Struggling to get your jacket, you place it over his sleeping figure, then continue taking notes.

You didnt mind the first time, or the second time, or the third time.. until it became a habit. Eunseok would come to class saying how he wasnt going to fall asleep but 10 minutes in and hes tapped out, his chair closer to yours so he can rest comfortably against you, his soft hair rubbing against your neck and his pink lips parted that it sends a ping to your heart. But you look away; you didnt want to invade his privacy (even if he was laying on you) and you had to take notes for you to study, and so you could teach eunseok.

It happens so much to the point that random students approach your small corner by the window daily, asking you and a sleeping eunseok if you were together, but you always shook your head no with a laugh.

Maybe this was something reserved for boyfriends and girlfriends? You hadnt put much thought into it, just thinking of doing a favor for a friend.

There's was one day when eunseok was half asleep, his eyes closed and snoring, when another student pops up to ask the same question. He couldnt pick up everything, but he could faintly hear the 'youre so cute together!! Are you dating??' and it wakes him up faster than his alarm. His eyes doesnt shoot open though, and he doesnt sit up as he was too comfortable, so he gets a bold idea.

His crossed arms begin to unravel and wrap around your waist, now side hugging you as it gets your attention quickly, causing your sentence of telling the girls no to halt, your head snapping at his direction.

Youre not too sure what came over yourself as your hand comes up to lightly ruffle his fluffy hair, tucking some of it behind his ear. The girls coo before realiizing their interrupting something, running back to their seats to watch the drama unfold. Eunseoks eyes finally open at your touch, realiizing how close you were, your breath lightly fanning his face. The familiar ping in your heart comes back at the sight of his big boba eyes boring into yours, his lips still parted and looking so kissable, but you shake that thought off and send him your usual smile.

As well as your usual question, "how was your sleep?" You notice how quickly eunseok sits up, his warmth leaving you as he clears his throat, running his hand through his messy hair and avoiding your gaze. "G-good?" The was the first time you ever heard him stutter, along with finding the tip of his ears red.

"Oh." Was all you could say before the bell rings, signaling the long and hard day was over, gathering up your stuff and throwing your bag over your shoulder. "Lemme help you.." you hear him mutter as he puts some of your notebooks in your bag and zipping it up, patting it to show hes done.

"Such a gentlemen." You joke, a low chuckle leaving his lips as you finally stand up from your chair, stretching your legs with a sigh.

Its been an unspoken rule that eunseok walks you home ever since hes been sleeping on you, leading you out of the university and to the grass sidewalk. "Hey.. can we talk..?" His hands were stuffed into his pockets as he stops walking, his big boba eyes looking up at you again as your heart begins to race. For two reasons actually, cute!! and oh no, whats wrong?

"What's up?" You try to hide your nervousness as you watch eunseok take a step closer to you, his shyness making the air a little heavy. "Thank you." He says breathlessly, a smile forming as your eye brows raise.

"For?" You gesture him to continue.

"For.. everything, really. For letting me sleep on you, for taking notes for me.. and teaching me. You teach way better than the professor by the way."

You share a chuckle, before eunseok looks at you seriously again.

"I feel like ive been taking advantage of you, so whenever you're feeling tired, you can lay on me. O-or if you need anyone to talk to..!! Im right here!" He finishes the last part shyly, his hand coming up to rub his nape.

"Eunseok.." was all you could mutter as you acknowledge his kindness. He looks up with a little grin before his eyes widen as you hug him, his strong arms coming to wrap around your waist, holding you tightly.

The next day, eunseok decides to go to bed a bit early, coming into the university with more energy than hes ever had. Sitting down next to you and jotting down notes, his doesnt fail to notice how you've been yawning ever since the professor came into the class.

"What, no, eunse-"

"Nope." He chuckles, softly pushing your head to his shoulder so you can rest comfortably, his arm coming to encirle your waist while the other is busy writing. "You rest, I'll take notes for the both of us." ♡

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

MISSION: YOU

CHAPTER 2: ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR

wc: 4600

warnings: gun violence

prev chapter

***

mira

we didnt have sex last night. which i know is the bare minimum, but my friends would arguably call that an accomplishment for me.

i didnt tell them he was here, i planned to just let them know when he was fully gone. but i didnt know if he ever fully would be. the entire night, i tried to picture my life without wooyoung, and to my utter disappointment i realized i'd only have work and myself left.

i told myself that wasnt a bad thing. i watched motivational videos on youtube. i made myself vision boards on my future, as if he never would have played a part in it.

and yet i still feel so...empty. because wooyoung took up so much space.

my mother loves him. i dont know how im going to let her know he wont be coming around for atay nana anymore. sometimes they'd drink without me, just the two of them in the kitchen while i watched from the sidelines, quietly admiring, never once thinking it would end. but i guess thats the life of a girl in her early twenties, hoping the good times will never end, even though they're so far and few.

at least my father never liked him, so on that front i'd never have to hear about how great he is.

"smooth talker, that one," my father would say, almost choking on the disdain. "you better make him pay for every cent of that car, qalbi."

i had to fight my father to not pay for the car himself, because he thought wooyoung was being charming so he could avoid the debt. but even when he paid it off, its like nothing could change his mind. i wont be giving him all the details of the break up, i dont feel like hearing an "i told you so" because he'd say that no matter what.

when i wake up from my tear-soaked sleep the next morning, wooyoung's at the end of my bed, his arms wrapped around my legs. he's still fast asleep, serene. probably the most vulnerable i'll ever truly see him. i try to wiggle out of his grasp, but he immediately wakes, looking up at me with a sleepy face and his hair messy.

"whats the time?" he immediately asks. i hold back a scoff. he probably cant wait to leave to go to "work".

"time to get up," i say and pull my legs out. he sits up and looks at me with a frown.

"you were crying."

i dont say anything. i dont need to.

"go check if the door budged yet," i tell him.

wooyoung gets up with a heavy sigh and shrugs on his coat, walking out of my room. i immediately get to making my bed and preparing to shower when he doesnt come back. i guess he must have left.

i cry again in the shower. angry at myself and im not sure why. i did the right thing, right? i wasnt unfair? he didnt know he was fucking up but thats the annoying part, if he didnt pick it up its not my job to tell him to respect my time. it should be a given.

when i come out of the shower, i grab my research paper off my desk to go through my second draft a few hundred times. if i drown myself in my work, i'll forget he was ever here. its easy to not think about him when im writing about the extradition of international fugitives.

i jump when i walk into the kitchen, seeing wooyoung still there. my tea set and toast are on the counter. "the door's still out of it." he says. "sit down."

i slide along the kitchen island, miserably grabbing a slice of toast. i dont say anything. i dont know what to say.

"how long have you been trying to break up with me?" he asks lowly.

for fucks sake.

"around the third time you flaked on me. when you were supposed to pick me up from work and then just called the next day." i answer blandly.

"im sorry about your grandmother's funeral, baby, i really am," he says, reaching out for my hand. he squeezes it but i dont squeeze back. "im just in such a tough spot right now. if i could tell you i-"

"why cant you tell me?" i ask with a hard shrug. "what is SO difficult about cyber security that you cant tell me?"

"its the same way you cant talk about what you do," he tells me. i give him a bland look.

"im legally not allowed to talk about what i do. you KNOW im working with refugees."

"yes, i know but-"

"why cant you just be honest that you lost interest?" i scoff. "ive heard that 'im going through so much' bullshit before. thats code for i dont like you anymore."

he looks at me like hes trying to maintain his calm. again, i dont know what hes so angry about. he caused this.

"i DIDNT lose interest," he says tightly. "i wouldnt still be here if i did."

"and yet you cant tell me," i roll my eyes. "baba was right about you."

"would you just-"

our arguing is cut short by a few loud knocks on the door. we look at each other in confusion.

neither of us make a move to open it. i get up and go look at the window, unable to see anything because of the fog. suddenly my door flings open, the latch flying to the floor as two huge bodies burst inside.

they're my dad's men. shawqi and ashraf. they look terrifying.

"what are you guys doing here?" i snap. "what the fuck you cant just break my door down, you better pay for that!"

shawqi takes off his glasses and points to me. "you, where's your boyfriend?" he asks accusingly.

"huh?"

wooyoung comes out from the kitchen, confused. he's immediately tackled to the ground by shawqi, his hands tied behind his back. "stop!" i scream, immediately running for him but ashraf shoves me back.

"what the fuck are you doing? let him go!" i shout.

"this bastard is coming with us," ashraf says, giving me cold eyes. "dont intervene, mira."

"for fucking what!"

they tie cableties around wooyoung's wrists and plop him onto a chair before mercilessly beating him. blood pours from his lips, his head hanging back as i scream for them to stop, but its lost. i dont know whats happening.

"fuck this," i go and reach for my phone. but its ripped away from my by ashraf. "give it back, im calling the fucking police!"

"for that piece of shit?" ashraf scoffs at me. "he is trouble, mira. we are going to sort him out. he was following your baba's car and doing bad things. we are taking him off your hands, and cleaning out this whole apartment. you are coming with us."

what?

"what the fuck do you mean he was following baba?" i scream.

"ask him," shawqi says and slaps wooyoung's bruised face insultingly. "have anything to say now, ya kalb?"

wooyoung spits. he actually spits at him. im so fucking lost, i dont know what to do. shawqi gives him an angered punch again.

"stop hurting him!" i scream. "fucking stop, okay. tell me whats really going on."

they dont answer me. not even wooyoung does. i cant even call my mother, ashraf wont give me my phone. she and my father are not on speaking terms, but i know she'd be able to have a say in this.

not even a moment passes before wooyoung's hands shoot loose, and he flings my chair over shawqi's head. shards shatter everywhere and wooyoung pulls out something thats too fast for me to recognize, but i know what it is once i hear the sound.

BOOM!

shawqi drops to the floor, clutching his ribs. wooyoung aims the gun at ashraf, who tries to pull out his own but wooyoung gets the first shot in. i jump away from everything, ready to run, but i feel wooyoung grab me by my jersey, dragging me to his car. he covers my mouth so i cant scream, and one second im shoved into the passenger seat, and the other second, wooyoung is in the drivers, pointing a gun at my face.

"im gonna need you to not go anywhere, alright, sweetheart?" he says and sticks the key in the ignition. the doors click shut. im trapped.

***

everything is slowed. maybe im too calm for whats happening, but my biggest issue now is my vision and its blurriness. i follow the road we're going and i cant even read the signs on the boards. i dont know whats happening.

wooyoung pulls up into a parking lot of some restaurant that shows that its closed due to the storm. the silence is thick. im scared that if i open my mouth i'll sob. i havent looked at him once.

my hand reaches to open the car door. it doesnt open. i dont try again. i think im going to die here today.

"my father will pay you any amount you want if you just take me back safely," i say. "or leave me here. but you'll get whatever you want."

"i dont want his money, sweetheart," he says. his nickname makes my eyes shut in rage. it drives me up the fucking wall.

"then what do you want?" i ask, painfully calm. i want to scream and thrash but my body wont let me. its failing me.

"whatever they were saying back there about me, it wasnt true," he says. i dont say anything. he touches my face and i flinch, and he gently moves me to look at him.

his bruised face, busted lip and red coated teeth are unfamiliar to me. but his brown eyes are the same. this cant be the man i love. this cant be the person ive been with for nine months.

"im not going to hurt you," he says softly. "i promise."

"you pointed a fucking gun in my face," i grit through my teeth, my eyes glossing over. "and killed men ive known since i was a girl. im supposed to believe you?"

wooyoung shakes his head, his eyes growing sad as if i dont have the right to be afraid of him. "those people are not who you think they are."

"who the fuck are YOU," i ask sharply. "and what do you want from me?"

"i just want to tell you the truth."

"thats a first."

wooyoung sighs and turns his whole body in the drivers seat. i dont see any sign of his gun anymore. "i dont know how to say this in a good way...theres no way for me to say it softly. but your father's a war criminal."

i blink at him. "what?"

"he funds terrorist groups in yemen, libya, across borders in south east asia. he sells them guns. he sells to anyone who'll buy."

i shake my head and scoff. "you're not fucking serious."

he looks at me pointedly. "did it look like i was joking back there?"

back there where he killed people. oh my god im in the car with a murderer.

"wooyoung, please take me home," i start to cry, holding my head in my hands. hes probably a fucking criminal, i must not know him at all if he was hiding the fact that he owns a gun. i cant be here. "my father will give you anything–"

"i dont want anything from him, mira!" he insists, taking my hand. i jump in my skin, immediately pulling away. it doesnt even feel right. i feel like a cornered dog.

"your father's hiding behind his mining exploits in central africa, funding militias who rely on arms dealing. hes one of the biggest criminals in the world. i got close to exposing him, and thats why his fucking goons attacked me."

this cant be real.

"who are you?" i whisper, horrified.

"im not going to hurt you," he says again, but the more he says it the more i wanna rip my ears off so i dont have to hear it again. wooyoung pulls something out of his jacket, and i expect to see his gun again, but its a gold badge.

not even the police. not even the CIA.

interpol.

i look at him in disbelief. "you're a–"

"spy," he finishes for me. "yes, mira. im a spy. the days i couldnt be there for you, i was watching your father."

my mind starts to scramble. its like the neurons are short circuiting. ive seen this somewhere, maybe james bond. maybe some other bad action flick we watched together. but not real life. i think i wouldve preffered if he just cheated on me.

"how long have you been doing this?" i ask, looking down at the door handle.

"months."

"how long?"

"ten months."

as long as we've been dating.

that whole accident. everything was perfect. its like it was fated. wooyoung told me it was fate–he believed in shit like that. but did he really? or did he just think i did?

i start to laugh uncontrollably.

"when you rammed my car," i chuckle humorlessly. "that wasnt an accident...was it?"

there's a brief pause. and then his admission.

"i was following you."

i look at him in disgust. i cant tell if hes ashamed or not.

"i was just meant to get close to you, but it didnt look like we would be friends," he cringes as he says it out loud, as if realizing just now how bad it sounds. "but our relationship is real to me, i promise. i just got compromised."

"oh shut the fuck up," i scoff. "what did you think was gonna happen, you put my father in jail and then run off into the sunset with me. can you get fucking real?"

i cant believe my ex boyfriends a spy.

"im not lying, mira," he defends, sounding helpless. "i know its bad, but you're a smart girl. you know i had to do this. i was only lying about this. your life, my life, everything was at risk. i couldnt–"

"i let you touch me," i grit through my teeth.

"im sorry," he says, like he couldnt help it. "things were just happening. we thought you couldve been on it. a war criminal with an only daughter whos studying to be an international criminal lawyer, who works with refugees of countries that are destroyed because of insurgency. you dont think thats odd?"

"please dont fucking talk to me about logistics right now."

i put my head in my hands again, and my sobbing gets uncontrollable. i always knew my father was a rough man, im not stupid. a man with millions off of just mining. i work with people whose lives are ruined by those people everyday. the irony is sickening to me, but theres a reason we dont have the best relationship. we're different people.

but a war criminal?

"im sorry for pointing my gun at you," wooyoung apologizes, making me want to lose it. "thats unforgivable. i wont ever do it again."

"do i even know you?" i sniffle pathetically.

"you do, baby, you do. this is all i hid from you. but everything else, our dates, our love. everything is real–"

"we started off as a lie," i lean back into the seat and stare straight ahead, feeling empty. "you were lying for months. you're a fucking stranger to me."

he doesnt know what to say. for once wooyoung cant open his mouth. i guess thats the other version of him.

"im gonna get us food," he says. ive lost my appetite. but if i dont eat i might just throw up my own bile.

"the restaurants closed, cant you read?"

"somewhere else. somewhere further away."

"are you going to kill me?"

"no, mira," he says defeatedly. "im not a bad guy."

we drive to some shitty diner thats somehow still running in this weather. wooyoung orders for me, i let him, because clearly i dont have a choice in who controls what anymore.

my father's a war criminal. everyday after my classes, i'd go to work, sit at a table with kids who dont know have birth certificates, who dont even have parents anymore, who have nowhere to go because their homeland was reduced to rubble, and i'd look them in the face, sign papers that help them find some place in life after they lost everything, family, limbs, and my father  is a war criminal. im a fucking fraud.

i sit at the table, looking at my own hands and wooyoung comes to sit down after. we're the only ones here.

"what's your real name?" i ask him lowly.

"wooyoung."

"dont spies use fake names?" i snort.

"you have my real name and have met my real parents. im telling you, aside from everything else, nothing was a lie."

"why did you date me?" maybe this is the wrong time to focus on this, but i dont know what fucking else im supposed to ask. its my first time dating a spy, forgive me.

he looks at me with an undefinable stare. "because i wanted to."

how selfish. i narrow my eyes. "you didnt think i'd ever find out?"

"there were times you almost did. but i was hoping you'd never have to see me this way."

"and how do you see me?" i honestly wanted to know. am i collateral? privileged girl caught up in the wrong kind of life? a cliche?

"you're a good person, mira," he tells me with what i feel is genuine, but i dont trust my feelings anymore. "you really are. its why i had to keep you away from this."

i lied next to him most nights. even this morning. he could have killed me at any time. i wouldnt even have seen it coming.

"how many of you are there? in my life right now?"

"there's a man working at your mother's house. but thats all i can really tell you."

he must really trust me. seeing as if i was evil, i would have just let my father know that immediately. a waiter puts down a hot chocolate infront of me, and a black coffee for wooyoung.

"what happens to me now?" i shrug. its clear i dont have to fight for this break up anymore. fate sealed the deal for me.

"i cant let you go back," he sighs apologetically. "your life is in danger. your father has too many people pissed off right now. he drove up his prices, they'd do anything to get money out of him. you're staying with me."

how amazing.

"and what happens to you?"

he pushes his hair back, wincing everytime he makes an expression because of shawqi's beating.

"my cover's blown, so im fucked. i just dont know how badly. if my agency knows, they'll take me out. if your father's allies know, which they probably do, they'll take me out. either way, everybody wants to kill me. including you."

i frown deeply, squeezing my own arms. if everyone wants to kill wooyoung then why am i with him right now.

is he using me as leverage? so my father wont kill him?

the question makes my hair raise. i look down at my hot chocolate and its like my head starts running at a million. i think i have to get the fuck out of here.

our food comes and wooyoung starts digging in like hes starving. i watch him, picturing him in a ditch somewhere, completely ruined by some unseen criminals.

the image makes my stomach burn. even though hes a lying bastard, i dont want him dead. what the fuck do i do? i dont think i can do anything.

"i think theres still time to save face, i dont think my agency knows yet. im gonna get us to a safehouse because i had to toss my phone. i took the tracker out of my car too. i guess we'll see when we get there," wooyoung says casually. and i realize how disconnected he really is from this. this is his life. this is how hes been living it away from me.

how did it get to this point. how does one just get this job. i think of instances of what happens to spies when they're found out. they fake their deaths, go on the run, get tortured by enemy governments, are left to rot by their own government, the possibilities of hell are endless.

wooyoung licks his fingers, still looking handsome despite the blood on his face. he gets awkward while i stare at him, i know im being weird but i dont care.

"your hot chocolate's getting cold," he tells me.

"you have no idea what you're doing, do you?" i say genuinely.

wooyoung furrows his brows at me.

"i have a feeling you constantly underestimate me," he says, which stirs something in me. i dont know what it is.

i clearly dont know him. so maybe i do.

i get up without saying anything. "im going to the bathroom." he doesnt object. he just watches me walk off, and i feel his eyes on me the whole time.

the bathroom only has three stalls. and theres a window without burglar bars in every one. i get on top of the toilet and try to push one, but of course, its frozen shut.

i take out my lighter. im an ex smoker, but i still carried one around whenever wooyoung or my friends needed one. i flick open the lighter and hold it to the window, and after a few minutes, it completely shatters. i shielded my face just enough to avoid getting impaled.

the shards dropping are loud, and i wonder if it echos. i can see the car from the windowframe, but i dont have the keys. wooyoung does.

i go back to him nonchalantly, and he gives me a weird look.

"did you slip in there?" he asks. i nod.

"its a little wet for some reason. im getting really cold now."

"do you want my jacket?" he offers. "i did drag you out without your coat."

his guilt will make him do anything now. i nod and hold my hand out for the coat. wooyoung looks back and puts his gun into his pants before shrugging it off and handing it to me. its warm, just like him.

i wrap his coat around me, exaggerating a shiver. he immediately grabs my hands, folding his over mine to warm them. "your hands are so cold. did you take your iron pills this morning?"

"its also just freezing outside," i say blandly. i look down and cant see his keys in his pockets, but i have to make sure.

"can you hug me, please?" i ask softly. his eyes warm like hes been waiting for me to ask anything from him.

"of course, sweetheart." he pulls me in, tightly holding me like an anchor to a ship. i wrap my hands around his waist, feeling around his pockets. his keys are in the jacket. i try to pull away but he doesnt let me.

"not yet," he says softly. "please."

his words make my chest burn. i feel my eyes start to water again. this hug feels like him, it feels like maybe everything was real. but i cant believe it right now. i cant afford to.

when wooyoung finally lets go, regret shines along with the gloss in his eyes. he wants to cry.

"im sorry," he says. "i know ive been saying it a lot but, fuck."

i nod solemnly. "i want to finish up in the bathroom."

"mira," he calls me when i get to the door. i peer over my shoulder.

"i..."

he wants to say i love you. i know he does. hes sappy like that. he said it everytime during sex and thats how i knew he was close. tmi.

i give him a soft look thats not quite a smile. then i go back inside the bathroom and start to climb through the window.

i drop out with an awkward landing, hearing my joints crack at an embarrassing volume. i sprint to his car, looking everywhere in his jacket for the keys. but they're just not there.

"fuck!" i scream. but he didnt have them on him?

"looking for these?" his voice comes from behind me. i turn around slowly and wooyoung dangles the keys from his fingers. im done.

"you'd make a good spy, you know," he tells me, almost mockingly. "the keys were in my jacket. but when you hugged me i stole it back. i knew you were only hugging me to get to them. i know you dont love me the same."

i glare at him, both frustrated and defeated.

"where are you going, mira?" he asks me. theres no threat. its just curiousity. and its fucking patronizing.

"everyone wants to kill you, wooyoung, you said it yourself," i admit with difficulty. "and even though i cant stand my father. i dont think i deserve to die for or with either of you."

"so you were gonna run?"

"yes."

"and go where?"

"anywhere that isnt with the guy who everyone wants dead."

wooyoung laughs and theres something sharp in it. i cant tell if hes hurt or not.

"alright," he sniffs and forces a smile. he tosses me the keys. i catch them with both hands, utterly confused.

he walks up to me, his hands going behind my neck. he moves my hair to the side and unhooks the necklace he gave me.

"what are you..."

he opens the pendant, something i didnt even know he could do and taps it against his palm. something falls out. it looks like a memory card with a growing red light.

"i took out your tracker," he tells me, making my eyes widen. "i put it on you to make sure i always knew where you were, so if you were in trouble i'd know. but your leash is off, sweetheart. i really hope you make it out there on your own."

im frozen. i have the keys. but i cant move.

"well?" he says softly, looking at me intensely. "go, you wanted to leave. im not holding you back."

i fucking hate this. my lip starts to quiver. i want to leave him behind, i want to run. but i dont want to die. and i dont want him to die. and i dont want to leave. and i just wanted us to work out. i just wanted it to be him.

"come here," he says and pulls me into another hug, putting my head on his chest as i start sobbing uncontrollably.

"i fucking hate you, woo." i sob into his shirt as i grip it. he rubs my head softly, and i feel everything spiral all over again.

"i know." he mutters defeatedly.

***

A/N: lowkey idk why i write traumatizing shit like this LMAOOO its like i didnt even try being happy today. do you think wooyoung is a good person. do you think mira loves him less than he loves her. do you think he ACTUALLY loves her. lmk

tagslist: @hon3ysun

next chapter

[mewwccury]

modern porco… hmm…

library hours and coffee

୨୧ — ꒰ cw. fluff, modern au, uni student!porco x reader

୨୧ — ꒰ a/n. thankyew anon for the amazing req or inspo or WHATEVER YOU CALL IT i love this MODERN DAY PORCOO (sorry if this wasnt the modern porco u were asking for huhu)

୨୧ — ꒰ featuring. porco galliard

୨୧ — ꒰ prompt. lib study sesh turned something sweeter?

porco galliard wasn’t exactly the kind of guy you expected to see in the quietest corner of the campus library—especially not three times in one week.

but there he was again, slouched over an open textbook, blond hair sticking up like he’d run his hands through it one too many times, pen tapping rhythmically against the desk. he looked like he hated whatever he was studying, but he also looked like he’d fight the textbook in a parking lot if it talked back.

“you’re in my seat,” you said one afternoon, setting your laptop bag down with a raised brow. you weren’t joking, not really, but this had been your spot since freshman year. everyone knew the third table by the east-facing windows was yours.

porco glanced up, eyes scanning your face like he was trying to place you. he leaned back, chewing his gum with a smirk. “didn’t see your name on it.”

“that’s funny,” you said flatly, “i thought my constant presence here every tuesday and thursday was enough of a reservation.”

his brows raised. “bold claim. guess you’ll have to prove it.”

he didn’t move. and for whatever reason—maybe out of spite, or maybe out of curiosity—you sat across from him.

it became a thing after that.

tuesday and thursday afternoons, same table, shared awkward silence and occasional side-eye when one of you dared to eat a snack too loudly.

you learned he was in your comparative politics class. same major. different approaches. he spoke up in lectures, sharp and sarcastic, always challenging the professor like he had something to prove. you kept to yourself, took notes, scored high. he noticed.

“you write too much,” he muttered one day, watching you scribble in your notebook.

“you write too little,” you countered, not looking up.

“yet somehow we both get a's,” he said, smug.

“coincidence,” you replied, though you’d noticed it too.

one day it rained hard. campus emptied early, and yet he showed up. soaked hoodie, dripping hair, but still there. he didn’t say why. neither did you.

you slid him your unused handkerchief. he took it without a word.

“don’t catch a cold,” you muttered.

he glanced at you, a teasing grin plastered on his face. “aw, you worried about me?”

you scoff, “you could drop dead for all i care.”

he howled a laughter, “yeah right. you wouldn't bear that.” to which you rolled your eyes—yet a small smile crept on your face.

you didn’t realize it was a friendship until he started waiting for you outside your last class.

“walk me to the café?” he asked once, pretending it wasn’t weird.

you went. and kept going.

finals week hit, and he looked worse for wear. under-eye bags, hoodie every day, coffee glued to his hand.

“you okay?” you asked.

“peachy,” he grunted, flipping through a dog-eared flashcard set.

you sat beside him and pulled out your own notes. “wanna trade study guides?”

he blinked at you. “…you serious?”

you nodded.

he didn’t say thank you. but his foot bumped yours under the table halfway through.

graduation crept closer. you tried not to think about it. about how this quiet, sarcastic, infuriatingly smart boy had become your favorite part of the week.

he looked up from his coffee one evening and said, “what are you doing after this semester?”

you shrugged. “not sure. probably grad school.”

he nodded, eyes flicking toward yours. “guess we won't run into each other anymore.”

“oh. yeah,” you weakly nod, heart sinking.

a beat of silence passed. then he leaned forward, voice a little softer.

“we don’t have to leave it to chance.”

with a swift movement, a small peck was hastily placed on your cheek. he stood straight quick, his ears a deep shade of red. he muttered something along the words, "don't think much of it", or something like that before walking away, heading to his friends.

you giggle at his antics.

well, at least now you were sure this wasn't the last time you'd run into each other.

im so sorry this took a literal week to make

[livlocus]

my thoughts on the brothers hawthorne by jennifer lynn barnes

to start off, i really enjoyed the book and it made me want to not only reread the entire tig series, but also read more jennifer lynn barnes because holy crow that was super fun and refreshing especially after reading red rising (which was good but just a lot heavier)

spoilers under the cut

forgive me this is literally just going to be my stream of consciousness haha

i really enjoyed seeing avery from a third person pov cause it just highlights how smart she is

like i know that in the series she is always comparing herself to jameson and trying to get around him and so you see her inner monologue of how she is trying to think about whatever it is she's addressing, but with the third person pov we don't see that and we just see her speaking and going into action and that was really cool

like the entire time she was either on the same page or a step ahead of jameson

THE FACT THAT NASH AND LIBBY ARE ENGAGED MAKES ME SO HAPPY I COULD SCREAM

goth x cowboy is one of the best tropes to ever exist you can fight me

and then nash giving the ring to grayson like omg just take my heart out of my chest and pulverize it i guess it's fine i didn't need it anyway

also can we please get more info on grayson ignoring the brothers 9-1-1 text??

wdym he had to wear leather pants??

WDYM HE HAD TO WEAR LEATHER PANTS AND SING KARAOKE???

(can someone pls write that i will pay you money help)

the way that grayson was trying so hard to make sure that Gigi didn't think that he was flirting with her only for her to tell savannah and duncan that he was her new boyfriend !!!

i swear i had to put the book down to compose myself because i started laughing so hard

i ended up more emotionally investing in graysons story, but jamesons pov was so cool, very reminiscent of the vibe of the first book

i honestly forgot how unhinged all of the hawthorne brothers are

wdym that jameson just won a fight with someone in like basically three moves

like going 20 rounds with rohan was insane?? like i dont remember jameson being like that in the initial trilogy (this is one of many signs i need to do a reread lol)

all of xanders phone calls to grayson were so good, i need to see more of xander very soon

seeing all of the brothers go to support grayson was so sweet it rotted my teeth

the tree house flashbacks with emily, grayson, and jameson was awful, like why was emily like?? that was so bizarre

THE TREE HOUSE FLASHBACK AFTER EMILY DIES WAS SO SAD I WAS GOING TO CRY

i really liked that grayson had a plot that wasn't related to any romance, like he just needs some time to breathe honestly

i loved seeing acacia being nice to grayson even though she knew who he was

also the fact that he said savannah got her blonde hair from her mom, does that mean that sheffield wasnt blond and grayson got his blond from someone else?? like all of the other brothers have dark hair? or maybe that just means that its a different shade of blond?? I HAVE QUESTIONS

also why in the world did tobias tell grayson that he was going to be the one, implying that he would be the heir to only leave everything to avery?? like i guess that he said that before everything happened with emily and maybe him doing that was like a punishment for grayson for "putting emily before his family" or whatever??

but that is just so cruel? i mean its kind of obvious that he was significantly harsher toward grayson, or at least thats how the flashback in the book made it seem

ALSO WHAT WAS TOBIAS GOING TO SAY WHEN HE SAID THAT HE WASNT A HAWTHORNE??? WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY PLS TELL ME THAT ANOTHER BOOK TELLS ME WHAT HAPPENS

also what in the world happened in Prague?? do i just not remember something from the original trilogy?? i havent read them in like two years or so, so maybe im just not remembering??

anyway very good book, i really like both of the story lines

got a 4.25 stars from me :)

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Round 2

Propaganda:

Amuro -

"Being a Newtype is just space autism to me. But also he sucks at falling in line in a structured environment, would rather work with machines than talk to people, and is only allowed as a child soldier because he's the bestest at big robots."

Kyouya -

"what's there to say? you know him. you love him. vote kyoya."

Euini -

"I relate a lot to his social anxiety, especially his performance anxiety that occurs when he's being watched by people, particularly due to his stress at needing to follow the plan/do things the "proper" way in order to not feel like he's a failure. he also stands like a lil autistic kid and i appreciate him so much for that.

(LIGHT SPOILERS) basically, he has a test that he needs to take in order to advance as a witch, and he keeps failing it because he cant perform properly while being watched by other people, even though he knows the "right" spells to use and why he's supposed to use them. on his third attempt of the test, he's prepared a "script" to use so that he can follow it and not worry about failing in the moment (in this case, his script is a hand-written book of the proper spells to use and the order in which he's supposed to use them), but when a part of the exam changes, he's no longer able to follow his script. because he's been taught all his life that there's only one proper way of doing things, his way of thinking is very rigid and he's not able to deviate from his plan without panicking. luckily, one of his fellow examinees (richeh from the autistic anime girls poll 💕) is able to convince him to try and change the way that he does things to something that is more attuned to his personal needs- basically change the way that he casts his spells and which spells to use so that he doesn't need to struggle with doing things in the way that everyone says that he should; the way that he cant seem to manage. but, even before richeh helped him with that though, he was still finding way to modify the "proper" spells a little bit to better suit his weaknesses. he was trying so hard to fit in to the mold that witch society gave him, but it just wasnt right for him and he was making it work however he could."

Aoi -

"He has a very devoted special interest in the idol Takada-chan, which he frequently imagines in fights and other situations… the moment someone (Itadori) expresses equal interest in something he is passionate about, he immediately declares them besties and brothers and creates a whole elaborate shared history for them that doesn’t actually exist. He’s not really interested in connecting with people who don’t share his interests. He’s seen as somewhat strange and eccentric. Though in the present he is respected because of his strength as a sorcerer, as a child he was very isolated."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Apollo -

"Not canonically autistic but he has ZERO volume control plus he scripts/repeats stuff (“I’M FINE!!!”), sometimes mimics other people’s speech patterns (like replying “ja” to Klavier), sensitive to loud noises (stayed backstage at a concert cuz it was too loud) and bright lights (complained about the stage lights being too bright at the same concert + screamed when opening the hatch to the bright stage at magic show), and has been really into space since he was a kid, which could definitely be a hyperfixation (not to mention how he read every single one of Phoenix’s old case files back when he admired him). Plus he’s a little TOO normal, to the point where it circles back around to making him the odd one out, which is absolutely what masking feels like for me. Even when he tries to be fun and weird he gets strange looks/made fun of for not being weird in the right way. The list of autism symptoms is just a checklist for him at this point."

Ash -

"he just has those vibes ya know?"

Shou -

"His special interest is math. He uses math terms in regular conversations and calls people yoctograms/zeptograms which earned him monikers such as "math man" and "pi-face". Speaking of Pi, he once shouted 155 consecutive digits of it through a megaphone just because he could. He's so normal."

Sunny -

"Sunny has been told that his face is not expressive. He doesn't talk a lot and he often gets lost into his imagination. He is a great listener and recalls a lot of information being told he has a great memory (he is able to remember a whole speech about flower symbolism that his friend told him) He is compared to a cat."

Yuu -

"He’s like if an emo programmer boy was also completely unhinged and also had a tragic backstory."

[thekingofwinterblog]

Why Izuku FEELS like a Failure Hero

So, it's no secret by now that the final chapter of My Hero Academia ended on a less than universally loved ending.

There is a small host of reason why this is, but one i see thrown around a lot withouth any analysis really going into it, is the idea that Izuku was a failure hero.

He wasnt of course, Izuku though he could not save Tenko... But he did defeat both Shigaraki and All For One.

He saved the world, he restored peace and order to Japan and stopped a rampage that would have seen the entire island sunk beneath the waves and everyone on it except for Shigaraki's personal inner circle dead.

He saved millions, upon millions of lives and ended the life and times of AFO, the great evil of over a hundred years.

He was also instrumental in stopping the third movie's villain, and was one of the people of saved billions of lives by doing so.

He is withouth any doubt, the MHA World's greatest hero, bar none.

So with that in mind... why does izuku FEEL like an utter failure in the end? He might not logically be one, but he sure as hell FEELS like one.

Why?

Well, to put it bluntly, this particular problem stems from 2 overarching parts.

The first is of course that Izuku had a bad ending. He returned to being Quirkless, didnt get to live his dream, he seemingly begun to be the one guy that Class A begun to leave behind(Even with the surprise at the end, it doesnt change the fact that we get nothing to suggest he remained particularily close with any of them, and the fact they kept this plan a secret for 5 years just makes everything worse), and has been forgotten.

That is a full on bad ending, and the fact the narrative refuses to focus on that and acknowledge the fact that this is a horrible outcome for izuku, is one of it's mayor problems.

However, that is only the first big problem of the final chapter, and it's the more obvious one that pisses so many people off.

But just because he had a bad ending, does not mean that Izuku had to feel like a failure hero. After all, plenty of Heroes had bad endings, and did not feel like failure Heroes.

Batman both in the DCAU and in the Dark Knight Returns stopped being Batman, and yet i dont think you would find many people who would say either felt like failures at the end of the day in their stories.(well unless you count the terrible sequels Miller wrote after he went off the deep end, but that's a subject for another day).

I could pull out a lot of examples of similar heroes who in the end quit or died and who very much doesnt FEEL like failures, but i want to continue to focus on DCAU Batman in particular for one, very specific reason that illustrates so well why Izuku feels like a failure, even if he ultimately isnt one.

Batman Beyond opens on an old Bruce Wayne's last night as batman, when he decides to finally quit after a heart attack forces him to threaten a man with a gun.

In his own mind, he is a failure, and it is this action that finally breaks his spirit.

But most fans dont consider this Bruce a Failure at all. Why?

Well it certainly helps that he has so many other amazing feats and accomplishments across the rest of the DCAU, so it's hard to blame him for this one, single moment, but there is a bigger reason.

Bruce Wayne's big mission in life, was to clean up gotham city.

He did a lot of things outside of that, such as saving the world multiple times, but this was his great mission, his goal, the thing that truly drove him.

And you know what?

He suceeded.

Crime would return both big and small scale, but Bruce Wayne's choice to keep going for years and years, ending up outlasting all the traditional supervillains and street criminals of his age, allowed Gotham to flourish, and become an incredibly advanced and developed futuristic city.

For All that Batman Beyond is about deconstructing Bruce and his personal relationships and how they fell to pieces, He WON the war.

It might not have been a total victory, but every single episode of Batman Beyond that showcases Gotham showcases that The Dark Knight's Crusade was NOT in vain. He gave EVERYTHING for this cause, and he won.

Bruce might never be able to mentally appreciate it, because it was not a total victory that led to no more crime forever, but we the reader can.

We can see the change in Gotham from before he started, into his early years, his prime, the later years, and finally where it is now in Beyond.

It was a long, and bumpy road, but Gotham's number one son succeeded in his great goal of cleaning up his city and making it prosperous and reaching the heights his parents dreamed for it.

His legacy is clear and lives on, long, long past the days when he stalked the night.

He was not a failure, neither on the logical level, nor in that he feels like one.

And you know what? The DCAU crew managed to make that clear, even though I dont think there wasnt a single statue in all of Gotham dedicated to the Dark Knight.

Now, lets compare this to Izuku.

Izuku also gave EVERYTHING for his cause.

His body is a scarred and deformed mess, because time and again, wheter it be to defeat villains, or just helping people, he was always willing to sacrifice every bit of himself to do it.

Izuku gave away his quirk, and with his future.

and though it was reversed, he gave away his arms just to TRY to help Tenko.

He more than anyone else, gave EVERYTHING for this fight. He gave away his body, dreams, future, EVERYTHING for the cause, and he pulled it off!

He beat All For One, he saved the world and countless lives.

So, why then does he feel like a loser at the end?

Is the fact that he ended up alone and forgotten by society at large really why?

That's what happened to DCAU Bruce Wayne after all... But that's not really it.

The Reason Izuku Feels like a loser at the very end, is that the last chapter does not in any way feel like he contributed anything to help usher in this new age, nevermind that HE above ANYONE ELSE was the one that made it happen!

The idea of having a final chapter showcasing the successfull futures of everyone else EXCEPT for Izuku who ultimately didnt get to live his dream is NOT a bad idea at all.

It might not be how i would have ended it, but even taking away the idea of a reversal at the end, you could make that sort of ending satifsying.... IF you spent that chapter showcasing what a difference Izuku made in everyone else's life.

Because that would have hammered in the point that HE was the one that made it all happen. HE was the catalyst for all of these people to continue on and grow into great Heroes.

Shoto is a great example.

What we get of how he ended up is a really sweet thing... But you know what would have been way, way better?

If we had a scene of him being interviewed, and he talked about how it was IZUKU who was HIS great hero, and inspired him to become the hero he ultimately became.

But we dont. For anyone.

Not one time, amongst all of Izuku's friends and acquaintances are we reminded or shown in this final chapter how much he inspired and motivated them forward.

Not ONCE.

The closest we get, is Kota asking Izuku a question while blushing, and the only thing that tells us is that Kota is still a bit shy in his teenage years.

The ONLY character in this ENTIRE chapter who actually feels inspired by Izuku is Dai, and even is untientionally backhanded, when it's clear that it's not that Izuku really inspired him, the way All Might Inspired Izuku, but rather that this kid is a Hero Otaku like Izuku himself who just so happens to recognize Izuku amongst a lineup of heroes.

He's not even the first Hero the kid Thinks of after All Might!

ENDEAVOR IS!

THE GUY WHO IS PUBLIC KNOW TO HAVE ABUSED HIS KIDS, RAPED HIS WIFE, AND WHO'S OLDEST SON WAS AN INFAMOUS SERIAL KILLER THAT ENDEAVOR BROUGHT ABOUT!!!

THIS is the problem with this chapter.

This chapter elevates EVERYONE else, EXCEPT for Izuku.

When people complain that Izuku didnt even get a statue for saving the world, when monoma did, and it's shut down as "it was never about fame for izuku", they are missing the forest for the trees.

The Problem is not that Izuku didnt even get a statue. The fact he didnt get a statue, is part of a greater problem that new age does not in ANY WAY fell like something that Izuku was the main driver in bringing into being.

---Edit---

So apparently there was a statue after all... And the fact it's so inconsequential that at first point you'd be forgiven for thinking it was actually Kirishima, as I thought at first.

That said, the fact it is so tiny a detail actually hammers in my point that Izuku feels completely inconsequential to this chapter even more.

---

Even the whole class A getting Izuku back into the game feels like it completely shits all over Izuku, like he did not matter at all in making this new age, the age where this class is able to shine.

We are not in ANY WAY given a SINGLE insight into their thoughts about all this! The reason why so many people shit ALL OVER their stupid plan to NOT tell Izuku ANYTHING is that this is the ONLY THING we actually know about how they felt about all of this!

And because this is the only insight we get into their thoughts, the only thing we can say for sure, is that whatever their feelings were, they did NOT RESPECT Izuku at all, despite everything they went through together.

They decided his future for him withouth ever asking, and let him continue for over half a decade resigned to his new job that despite everything he says, he clearly was not happy with.

This moment could have been the culmination of their bonds with Izuku, where they finally repaid him for everything... But instead it just hammers in the point that Izuku FEELS like a huge loser that DID NOT MATTER in the slightest in the end.

That's not true, but that IS how it feels.

Izuku could not achieve anything by his own power, and the people who helped him achieve his goals? Well they clearly did not respect Izuku, and they did not seem to care to go out of their way to keep their relationship with him going strong through the years.

what it FEELS like, is that a bunch of school buddies throwing one of their former friends a bone now that they have all made it big, rather than an actual long term motivation because they really loved Midoriya.

honestly, this entire chapter feels like Hori took it for granted that the reader would just think "See all these people Izuku was aquainted with succeed? Remember how strong his bonds with them are?" and make us immediatly just take the most charitable reading possible at face value.

It clearly WANTS us to think that way, that all of this was only possible thanks to Izuku, but it doesnt actually do ANY attempt at selling this idea.

This world, and the people in it, does not in any way feel like Izuku was the one who brought it and them about. That might be the logical truth, but it does not feel like it at all.

Instead, at the very end, when all is said and done... Izuku feels like a complete loser, a side character in his own story who never amounted to anything, and does not inspire love, admiration, and respect from anyone he actually knows.

That is why, even though he saved the world, he FEELS like a total loser.

[raddestrose]

Ok so, i’ve decided to start taking breaks between schoolwork so I don’t burn out

On that note whose ready to dive back in time with me and crash out?

I like am genuinely curious about all the characters being introduced

cause like ive been able to avoid all the spoilers, im so happy

Bro Xia Fei is acting like Vein’s little meow meow, no idk much about their relationship but from the small bit ive seen its that

Lu Guang is having NONE of it, he hasn’t even opened his mouth but Lu is giving him the DIRTIEST side eye

WHAAAT

OKAY NOW, umm im not sure if you know this Vein, but telling someone they look tasty is not a proper greeting

Bro jumped infront reaal quick

His ass DID NOT say hello

owoah, AWWWWWWWW YOU GUYSSSS

Xiaoshi speaking english is actually like adorable

but it raises a question, how would they dub that and have it make sense?

DAAAANG bro caught that

IS IT A MURDER FAN OH PLEASEEEE BE A MURDER FAN

Cheng Xiaoshi is so me right now

ignoring what’s going to happen in the future Vein is super cool

I NEED his fan

Where did they go?

yeahhhh, Xia Fei’s right with this one

Please don’t fight, for the love if god please don’t fight

WHYD BRO JUST DROP

THE HELL

is this a flashback inside a flashback

WHAT im so lost

oh thank goodness the OH YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

OH GODDAMN IT REALLY YALL, they really had to pull that?

well jeez, five minutes in and its just pain

bro looks roughhh

THE THIRD TIME WHAT

Ouhhh i see, so the timeline is deviating from what had originally happened

so like, what is causing the timeline to change is it him repeatedly diving back or is there like with the last season, other people with powers,

Is it Vein causing the changes or r another person who has powers we haven’t been introduced to yet

Sorry, that was me just thinking everything out loud

Is like everything Shiguang owns just cat themed or something?

Bro you are the OPPOSITE of fine

WHAT IS BRO WEARING

dude thinks he’s a kpop idol at the airport or something

aw though, he’s a little cutie patootie

Did Lu turn into a cat or something

Oh shit he actually did

what thebfuck man

Hes just a little guy, debts shouldn’t count for him

is his dad like an infamous asshole or something what with that response

Whatd his dad do?

That’s not really believable man

a fire, waiit wasnt there a fire in the op, is it the same one??? we shall see

Whats Lu pulling now?

OH SHOOT IS THE 12 HOURS ALMOST UP

Nevermind you big faker

I cant read mandarin, who’s calking him

HE CAN SPEAK ENGLISH

like i knew, but i was still shocked

bros being devious messing with the elevator

ok but like how didn’t he see him, the lobby is empty

this is too good honestly, im thoroughly entertained by that sequence of events

bro should be an actor, he’s COMMITTED

Oh it was wonder kid, or did i name him mystery kid I forget

but anyway thats so evil and sneakyy, dude just wants to meet his dad

I don’t think he wants to be friends Liu Xiao, i really don’t think so

Whats with the face kid aren’t you an adult

Keeping and eye on one of them is hard enough but BOTH, its so hard to keep an eye on both they made a SHOW about it

Well get uncurious, i want domestic Shiguang vacationing and being happy

DID HE JUST DIVE

oh shoot, sorry Guangguang timeline is DEVITATING BIG TIME

Tsukishima? what are you doing here?

DONT RUN INTO THE BURNING BUILDING

Xiaoshi has the opposite of the bystander effect

Oh shit you guys

WHATS YOUR DAD DOING HERE MAN

PLANNED GIRL WHAT

WHAT WHATVWHATW WHATWHATWHAT

WHAAAAAAAAT

JESUS CHRIST YOU GUYS

Have I mentioned how stunning the visuals for the ending are cause they are gorgeous

[the-s1lly-corner]

Seeing Kinger stuff is so nice gosh! Would it be cool to get the rest of the fluff alphabet with him please? Or if that's too much the ones you'd like to write about most

Kinger fluff alphabet! the whole thing!

two things one is more so one of my personal woe things unrelated to you but i deleted my masterlist immediately after finishing it because i didnt like the layout of it; 3 hours down the drain SOBS other thing! imma go ahead and link the other fluff alphabet stuff so its a complete list! actually third surprise thing, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT TO PUT P IN THE FLUFF ALPHABET/lh/nm i fixed it now but i cant believe i skipped a letter i feel so dumb

ABSTRACT- if you were to ever abstract he would probably abstract himself. i mean if the things about queener/queenie are true and they were close, then that would mean this guy would lose a loved one TWICE. that would most definitely break someone, and kinger is already on the edge as it is. if he somehow doesnt abstract, he probably becomes even more paranoid; kind of shutting everyone out almost because he sure as hell knows he cant take a third heartbreak. rarely ever leaves his pillow fort, unless hes physically dragged out? sometimes he forgets you're gone, because he just refuses to believe the truth. sad stuff

BONDING- will rattle on and on about cool bug facts, if he has his own collection in his room he will show you it! maybe, if you want, he will let you hold some of the critters! tells a lot of stories, nicer ones from when things in the circus arent so... bad.. usually when hes in a good headspace! you get the feeling he embellishes his stories... not too different from a grandfather trying to make his experiences seem more glamorous and action packed than they really were

CUDDLING- he is very hard, due to him being a chess piece, but his clothes do a really good job at softening him! no arms :(... usually rests his hands on your back, or maybe has one on your shoulder and the other on your hip. switches between being big and little spoon, sometimes he wants to hold and sometimes he wants to be held

DATES- you can find them here!

EMOTION- kinger is... odd... im not sure where he lies, because i think sometimes he does have moments where he remembers thing and it overwhelms him, so that may be the main time hes the emotional one. however, i guess this entire time for emotional ive been focusing on more.. 'bad' emotions, but i think kinger would gush about how much he loves you, like WOAH! he is just overflowing with feelings right now

FAMILY- honestly he gives me dad vibes, if this dude doesnt already have kids in the real world (wow thats a sad thought... dude is like MIA probably and his kids are left to wonder where he went. double owie if queener/queenie was his real life wife before things happened) so if you guys make it back to the real world and unite, you're gonna be a step parent! would he like to have more kids with you? i think it depends, he would want it, though!

GIFT- you know how some people put bugs in like, cases to preserve them or something? i feel like he would give you those with some of his prettier bugs! loves anything you give him, he always keeps them stored safe in his room!

HARSH- you guys dont really get into arguments, i dont think! kinger doesnt like hiding things from you unless its something deeply personal, but otherwise hes an open book to you

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- here!

JEALOUSY- its not so much as him being jealous as it is him being paranoid that something is going to happen to him or you, so! even if he wasnt worrying himself half to death he doesnt exactly seem like the jealous type to me, tbh

KISS- its time for my favorite thing for characters with no mouth!!! he boinks his face into yours, i actually wrote something for this! not gonna link it since its so short and i can easily relay the idea: but he would internally hype himself up (usually does this if this is the beginning of the relationship, he gets more confident as time goes on!), and just lightly 'pecks' your cheek before pulling away. loves kissing your cheeks as well as the back of your hands. loves being kisses where his mouth would be as well as his cheeks

LOVE LANGUAGE- quality time!! this man follows you around like a love sick puppy, because he loves you so much but also because again, he worries.. he also likes doing acts of service for you, makes him feel like hes capable of doing things on his own (which he is!). loves it when you return the favor via words of affirmation

MENDED- is he dreaming? is he imagining things again?

nope, its really you. somehow, you've recovered from abstracting, and you're now out of the cellar. he wants to hold you and never ever ever let you go, out of fear that hes going to come to his senses any second and youll be gone. wants to keep you in the pillow fort with him, or at least within his line of sight

NO- its less of an active dealbreaker and more of a "hey this is going to stress him out and probably hurt his mental health" but like, i dont think he would pair well with a really really intense person. like sure caien is pretty intense, but its not like caine is going to be spending a significant amount of time with him everyday, but like. you know? like i talk about some characters enjoying being on their toes and left guessing in regards to their partner, but kinger is NOT one of those people. he needs stability

PDA- less of a case where he actively and knowingly indulges in PDA and more so a case where he subconsciously holds onto your hand to keep you at arms length and to feel you. due to his lack of arms he has probably wandered off without you (and his hand) at least once. is not opposed to PDA, though, so long as its not like. insane

QUIET TIME- quiet time between the two of you is very rare. sure kinger can be very quiet when hes alone, but when hes alone with someone else, someone he cares so much about.. he cant help but fill the silence with words, to keep the ringing in his ears at bay .. so really quiet time is talking time

ROSES- ill mention it again in V (i wrote v before this section), he loves giving you roses especially on special occations! loves receiving flowers as well, he seems like a rose kind of guy as well

SHH- the one thing he doesnt like talking about is queener/queenie, well, more so the last few days leading up to her abstraction. it brings up. well, memories. on one hand he doesnt want to forget her, but on the other hand he doesnt want to bare the pain of those terrible memories

TUNES- THIS THIS THIS THIS ONE ALWAYS COME TO MY HEAD WHEN I THINK OF ROMANTIC HCS FOR SWEETIDEAS FOR OLDER GUYS IDK WHY

UPSET- im going back and forth with a lot of these as i fill in the list so! tying this in with E, i mention one of the only times he gets emotional is when he remembers some unfortunate events that took place in the circus. you're going to need to console him and bring him back to the present moment :(. when you're upset he tries to distract you, takes you to his fort, and tells you stories

VALENTINE- on the chance that he remembers what day it is, hes going to give you the most sterotypical date he can give to you. i think it might be because i can kind of see kinger as like, a classic/stereotypical romantic when it comes to you. flowers, he cant take you out to dinner so he takes you out to the digital lake to gaze at the clouds and watch the bugs pass

WANT- he wants a companion, he wants stability, and thats something he needs. he wants someone to be compassionate about him, his wellbeing, and his interests

XOXO- here! as well as Yearn!

ZZZ- if you guys go to sleep together its always in his room, where hes more comfortable. he also has a thing where he insists on being the one closer to the door; almost as if hes offering himself as protection to you should someone unwanted to come in. huh. always sleep holding onto you, snores like a dad

[clatoera]

In a world where they celebrate christmas in panem, would you have any Christmas headcanons for arwbftb au?

OH BOY DO I EVER. first of all sorry this took so long I have had a wild few weeks (months) at work and simply have done nothing but sleep and work but I have a lot of conversations on this website and I had EXTENSIVE conversation with @districtonekisses about this exact topic and so many of these come from our lil messages back and forth okay i'll put under a cut incase these get long!

This is obviously like a late ARWBFB like post war because I dont think pre war thats really something they'd have the option of celebrating. Glimmer and Cashmere and Finnick would be sold as Capitol Christmas gifts. It would be bad it would not be holly jolly.

Okay so Christmas as a concept is a D1 holiday. It is those D1 girls who go hard with the decorations. They Floor to Ceiling decorations. I think Cashmere is very white Christmas very glamor very white and silver sparkles not a lot of color. Glimmer I think has pastels mostly pinks and golds. It's giving like glamorous gingerbread house if that makes sense. But yes those D1 girlies they go hard and frankly they compete, if one has four trees the other has six. I think Cashmere has fake trees though because she hates the needles but Glimmer has real ones because she likes the size differences and the smell.

Glimmy looooves christmas. She loves it, it's absolutely her favorite holiday. She decorates so early and falls into actual depression when its time to take it all down again. It's just so cozy and comforting to her to live this so feely. In fact, some of the best sleep she gets all year is when there are multiple trees with soft white lights in her living room while she curls up on her couch.

Glimmer wins when she claims having Christmas celebrations at her house. Cashmere hosts a lovely, sophisticated Christmas Eve party. Glimmer wants the holiday itself. She wants the magic.

Cashmere is the best at gift giving.

It would make sense for it to be in D2 because they are in the mountains and have significant snow and cold weather EVERY year like clock work. D1 also gets that, but not to the same level of D2. That being said, if it were in D2, nothing would get done because Cato would see snow and a hill and he, Marvel, and arguably anyone else with half a brain cell would be sledding on plastic lids.

...they do it in d1 anyway. Someone gets a concussion or a broken wrist. Happy Holidays!

Clove doesn't like the cold weather, not only does it remind her of the games, but it absolutely hurts in a post war life. That being said, Clove has never had a good experience of holidays or birthdays. it was never her thing. Noone celebrated her ever, her grandmother certainly wasn't finding any joy in the world without her daughter. She is fine relinquishing it to Glimmer and just..going to D1.

That being said...Clove still has to cook. Glimmer has her over a day or two before where she like mass preps. She tried sending Marvel and Cato to do the grocery shopping once or twice. That ceased by the third time they came home with living lobster which wasnt on her list at all.

Cashmere tries to hire catering, this DEEPLY offends clove. She absolutely loves to Cook and more importantly she is cooking for her family and noone can do that better than her.

The wine drunk christmas eve party means noone wakes up until like..11 am on Christmas day.

Glimmer is big on the matching pajamas thing-- no one indulges her but Marvel and Cashmere. By extension they can rope Gloss in. Enobaria is a firm no, even to Cashmere's big sad eyes, which is a rarity.

The Christmas cookies go hard, likely imported from Peeta. Gloss gets physically sick from how many gingerbread houses he eats one year.

Cato LOVES Christmas, he is soo tis the season about it, him and Glimmer weirdly go mutually hard for this holiday.

Speaking of Glimmer, she enlists (requires) Marvel and Cato to put up her decorations on the tallest points of her house. She gives big sad teary looks and reminds them how sad she was in the war and they're like..okay glimmer yes glimmer anything for you glimmer.

As with most holidays, it highlights how important Clove is to these people who have become her family. It's a life she never would have imagined having as a little girl.

[cleromancy]

while from the doylist perspective the stories are specifically propping tim up compared to jason by doing this... i am obviously still very interested in, and compelled by, jason canonically having a pretty high opinion of tim going all the way back to their first meeting.

(for the record, absolutely nothing in-universe justifies jason having this opinion of tim up until tim springs him from prison imo. he beat the snot out of tim in tt29 and it wasn't even hard and yet for some fucking reason he still walks away thinking tim is a Better Robin than he was? like... ok. sure. more thoughts on this later in the post tho)

so the new earth (post-crisis pre-reboot) continuity tim-jason interactions we have, in order, are batman 617-618 (from batman: hush, this ones a retcon and barely counts, its just jason holding tim hostage with a batarang to his throat; and you might also get a glimpse of jay doing this in batman annual 25 lol but its in the other room so im not checking), tt29 (published in the middle of uth coming out, lol), tt47 (countdown tie-in), robin 177 and 182-183 (post-countdown, immediately after jason dumps his red robin costume and one of tims rogues fishes it out of the dumpster to wear, correctly intuiting *for some reason* that this will get to tim), and......... sigh. stupid battle for the stupid cowl.

(and, since were talking about jasons perspective, theres also the picture wall in lost days. i dont know what issue it is because to me lost days is not "made up" of "issues", it is one book i simply open to devour whole whilst weeping.)

i think tt 29 is the interaction i find the most frustrating because... we have an idea what tt29 would have been like if it were good. bc we have ga01 69-72. and granted Tim is such a cocky little shit (affectionate) that jason simply. Would probably not have been able to scare him no matter what, lol... but imagine if this fucking issue had been good.

ok cutting 4 length

the problem with johns. .......the FIRST problem with johns. is that he regularly has interesting ideas and his execution of them completely falls flat. the second problem with johns is that he can't write dialogue. the third problem with johns is that it was really really important to him that you understood what a Talented And Special Boy tim is but instead of showing you that he just forced other characters to. tell you. over and over. jason is not johns' only victim in this quest. (and johns was also not the only perpetrator, as we will see when i get to fuckin fabnic.)

but like i said i *am* actually interested in the potential here, because i do think there is potential.

and i also think that--at least when you read into it as deeply as i do--jason is sympathetic in this issue. (don't give me "hes beating up a child" crap here btw. jason's only 2-3 years older, tims a peer to him, they could easily have gone to high school together if jason hadnt fuckin died.) johns deliberately shows us Jason hoping raven gets a reprieve from the nightmares, and he certainly was *trying* to show us how much it would fucking suck to be remembered as the Bad Robin, forgotten except to be a cautionary tale, what kind of things that would do to a person emotionally. AND he makes a point of highlighting Jason's loneliness and isolation as robin, and. tbh i dont think the issue itself rly blames Jason for that. (you most certainly do not gotta hand it to him though. under no circumstances do you gotta hand it to johns for anything.)

and while jason tearing off his clothes to reveal his party city knockoff robin costume--the better to beat you with, my dear--was, erm. falling mostly on the wrong side of the line btwn camp and cringe... i do think jason writing his own name in blood on the wall was right on the money, *especially* because it was obviously not tims blood. like, tim wasnt bleeding anywhere near enough for that. it was either fake blood or jason prepped his own beforehand for them to DNA test--but also if they saw it before they saw tim, to make them fear for tims life, as a reminder of the risks theyre dealing with here.

oh but i was planning on talking specifically about like. what Jason might actually have seen in tim that left him with a positive impression. as-written? kinda nothing. lmao. or well the one thing imo is this

just kidding i couldn't find the panelz somehow despite posting them literally like yesterday and i ran into this lol:

>:| got distracted again. by this.

anyway i give up ill add the pics later. but its the exchange where jason has *decisively* won the fight, tims crumpled on the floor concussed and winded, and jason demands if tim *really* thinks he was good enough to tail bruce unnoticed for weeks.

and tim says "yes." hes beat up enough he can barely talk but there's still no hesitation whatsoever. and jason is *really* down on himself in this issue--he calls himself a failure, he feels like no one cared about his death, he feels unremembered. and jasons stated intentions here were to get the measure of tim but i also stand by the interpretation that he wanted to warn tim off of the sidekick gig, to remind him you uh. you have to be dick fucking grayson to survive it. (i dont believe either of them mentions him by name, but hey, dicks shadow is big enough for the both of them.)

i think what jason finds worthy of respect here--and, on top of that, intriguing enough that in robin 177 he entreats tim to join him--is the confidence, and also? at absolutely no point does tim believe jason is there to kill him. not a fuckin high bar, i know, but like i said i do think jason had *planned* to try and scare tim off (just also mega derailed himself by accident bc he got too in his feelings about the statue room 🥺), and... its not a bar he would have expected Tim to clear, is all im saying. particularly because while it is *possible* this took place in the middle of uth (tt 29 was released in november 05, between batman 646 and 647, which is the part where slade shows up bc black mask hired him to take jason out, so tt29 couldnt have happened in the middle of those two specific issues, but there are several other points at which jason could have taken a break in menacing gotham to fly to san Francisco), with Jason talking so negatively about himself i have to assume this is after the end of uth.

(you might be able to place this in the in-universe chronology by if/when teen titans mentions chemo dropping on bludhaven, which happens immediately before the bruce-jason-joker final showdown. however i dont feel like poking around for that or any other details to anchor tt29 to the other events happening at the time rn.)

i just also think so much of what jasons doing in this issue is like--he doesn't know *what* hes there to do. he had a plan and hes kinda fumbling it, not because tim is being especially resourceful but because jasons still licking his emotional wounds from uth, and titans tower is bringing up ones i dont think he ever realized hadnt healed. hes feeling everything at once. hes angry and hurt and full of self loathing but i think by the time tim simply says "yes," jason hits the stage of just being... burnt out. done lashing out, fucking tired, just wants to go home, if he can ever find it.

but i do think that "yes" would stick in his craw for a long time afterwards.

tt47: tim kicks jason in the nuts and pretty much declares them even for tt29 lolol. you may have seen my post about how jason only *sometimes* wears armor in countdown--hes drawn in the armored turtleneck and tac pants in tt47, but there are times in countdown hes out there fighting aliens and metas and shit in his jacket, a *t-shirt,* and *jeans.* just a squishy regular degular baseline human doing this and no one ever brings it up. but anyway. do i think tim would have seen jason wearing the equivalent of civvies plus a domino mask, narrow in on that, and immediately decide to kick him in the balls? i sure do. do i also think that this would make him rise in jasons estimation?

yeah. yeah, i really do. lol

anyway after this! after this is jasons briefish world-hopping stint as red robin saving the universe being a big damn hero and getting paid dust by everyone around him, in countdown; i think i mentioned before in this post that at the end he abandons the red robin suit in a dumpster, where it gets picked up by one of tims rogues. this storyline sucks and fabnic is a hack unfortunately. the rogue did it bc he wants tims attention or whatever. not important except for how irritating it is that fabnic fumbled a concept this juicy (tim inheriting and eventually purposely adopting The Bad Robin Mantle) which is also further fumbled by stupid battle for the stupid cowl, and the people who it falls to to salvage it are. johns again, in adventure comics 3, and yost, who is a better writer than johns or fabnic but not by like a huge margin.

and while i do think tim having a bad opinion of jason at this point was inevitable i find it so frustrating the way it was executed... like so often with Bad Tim Writing and also fuckin DC Editorial's Jason Slander Agenda shit it wasn't because in-universe thats how the characters would feel, the writer was using tim as a mouthpiece, and jasons competence and things he cares about arent taken seriously... BUT WHATEVER the point is that when Tim goes to stop Jason from his villainous scheme to reduce crime or whatevr jason has such a high opinion of him that he asks tim to join him:

and jasons loneliness, his desperation to be heard, is such a theme for him in the new earth/post crisis era and i wish it had been. Handled better lol are you noticig a theme here its that Jason has been written badly. (tim too, tbh.) and when tim says no jasons dejected but unsurprised acceptance breaks my heart. but to me the most interesting part of jasons appearance at the end of tims robin series is in 182, when tim--for absolutely no good reason--gives jason the means to break out of prison.

he says something about how its what Bruce would have wanted, but for. reasons i wont get too deeply into rn, that absolutely does not hold water.

anyway i just think there's no way jason doesn't start crushing on tim at least a little at this point. shrug.

bftc sucks and i dont want to look at it rn. but its also got examples of jasons high opinion of tim. and also im mad at it bc both countdown AND his appearances in robin feel like they could have been taking jason to a like. more of an antihero type of role and then we get bftc and morrison and its kind of. fucking hard to get jason anywhere near back on track after that for those of us who still like playibg in the post-crisis pre-reboot sandbox. and i wouldnt be mad about that if bftc had been good bc Jason absolutely does make an incredibly interesting and effective and tragic antagonist when handled well but well. he wasnt. and i have no idea what bftc would.have even been like if it was good bc it was so off the wall and dumb and assassinated actually *everyones* characters. so.

anyway

im just going to roll back to robin 183 now

jasons referring to the damage tim got when he got a little bit exploded in 180, this pretty nasty burn on the back of his head, which was actually why he wore jasons RR cowl for the first time (he was still robin). but what you do see here--aside from Tims narration which puts him *firmly* on the side of obnoxiously arrogant and judgmental instead of charmingly cocky in this issue, to my estimation, thanks for nothing fabnic--is the two of them on firmly cordial terms. jason still thinks more highly than tim does of him, but theyre asking each other about their injuries... tim caring about the wellbeing of people he doesn't even like is par for the course with him, ofc, but once again Jason doesn't really get that a whole lot. constantly haunted by this panel from countdown btw:

does he though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here is another jaytim preboot canon interactions post from a few months ago with some more thoughts, some repeated lol.

anyway. incoherent rambling complete for now. however. jaytim time is all the time 👍 i will revisit this.

[madammobius]

wanted to get some unorganized thoughts about the sonic movies out there before the third comes out and inevitably changes the landscape

THE FIRST SONIC MOVIE

was good! surprisingly!

anyone else remember the blitzkrieg bop remix and #SonicLovesTinyTacos ?

this is a movie that's kind of hard to talk about, because ultimately there are a lot of different perspectives to tackle it from. i think it's best that i just start with my viewpoint and feelings at the time.

it's 2020, and this movie has made a downright miraculous recovery. everyone knows the disaster of the first design, but what a lot of people don't remember was the amount of buildup even before then. talks of a sonic movie had always been around, but they really started feeling "real" once sony acquired the rights in 2013

from there it was development hell, with vague casting and directing rumors trickling out alongside general production/plot whispers around the time when paramount acquired the movie rights and everything to do with it in 2017

then of course there was the big boom of content in 2018. that's when we started seeing stuff like leaked concepts and that horrendous list of candidates to play the main characters

yeah excuse me for saying these dont exactly inspire confidence

then the motion poster. ohhhhh boy the motion poster. this was when things REALLY started ramping up, with this appearing alongside some other rare movie theater posters and leaked character info for merchandisers that REALLY didn't inspire confidence

but from there we leave maybe-slightly-more-niche sonic history and enter common internet history. trailer came out in april, there was backlash, etc etc

there's a chance i could be mistaken, but i SWEAR at some point between the motion poster and the trailer that there was some sort of social media announcement that the design was being slightly tweaked because of everyone's concerns. i can't seem to find it right away, likely because of the design's actual revision being a much bigger deal, or maybe because i accidentally made it up. if anyone else remembers this, please let me know!

if the trailer design was the tweaked version, then dear lord what were they cooking beforehand

BUT REGARDLESS - MY GREATER POINT ABOUT SONIC 1

the design got fixed, the movie came out, and it was... GOOD?!?! after ALL THAT?!?!?!

it was like, very obviously a kids movie and wildly unfaithful to the source material, but dear lord this movie being good at all seemed like an impossible feat. keep in mind, this was at the time when video game movies were considered "cursed" to always be terrible. detective pikachu was the only recent exception, being considered pretty decent as far as i remember. this movie being good was already weird, but this movie being good was weirder

i think people were willing to be more charitable to the movie with the historic moment of the design revision backing it up. im not sure it would've gotten quite the same reception had the design been the good one from the beginning. i think this is why some people think it was a publicity stunt, because at the end of the day, it really DID get eyes on the movie and convey that someone behind the curtain at least kinda cared that it wasnt awful

(it definitely wasn't a publicity stunt though. they produced a boatload of merchandise featuring the old design, most of which i own myself, and the entire multi-year cycle of leaks and design evolutions would have been the most high-effort high-risk stunt ever performed for no good reason)

anyway, this movie is very clearly not an "ideal" sonic movie. i have my own criticisms of it as well!

a lot of the humor - especially surrounding sonic himself - is aimed a bit too young for my tastes

sonic himself is a completely different character here. gone is the somewhat aloof, but still friendly guy who can't stand staying in one place and frequently fights against forces he finds oppressive and unjust - and in his place is a hyperactive kid who longs for a true home and has to learn to stand up against threats instead of running

frankly movie sonic completely removes the appeal of the character and replaces it with something different. in the best sonic stories, sonic himself is largely static and unchanging. it's not important where he came from or what made him the way he is, what's important is the effect he has on the lives of those around him. that's a big reason why sonic is always getting new guys to hang out with. blaze, elise, shahra, chip, merlina, and many others are examples of this. sonic frequently needs to bounce off of new troubled characters to demonstrate the effect he has simply by existing as himself

that's not to say that game sonic hasn't had his share of stories simply for the sake of it, but these factors are typically what most strongly embody the character, to me at least. and movie sonic entirely guts this aspect

so why do i kinda like it anyway?

on paper this should be a bastardization of something incredibly important to me, but honestly? movie sonic has his own appeal. sonic having such a strongly defined origin story and character arc is definitely a strong departure, but i also can't help but say "awww" while he bonds with tom over his last night on earth and eventually moves into a home with a new family

and this is a sentiment i carry with me throughout the rest of the movie

its appeal is vastly different, its story and worldbuilding is completely new, and there are moments that make me cringe. but it's also a damn fun movie! it's got a lot of good jokes, entertaining moments, good action, a strong emotional center, and cmon. the novelty of having ANY sonic the hedgehog running around on a movie screen is something i could only DREAM of growing up

(and hey, points to the worldbuilding for not technically being the first time the concept of sonic being an alien is introduced. there was at least a source on that, albeit in a vastly different context)

for a while i had a hard time grappling with my gripes of this movie. to have a sonic movie at all, especially one that was GOOD, felt like a strange ephemeral miracle that would vanish before my eyes if i didn't hold on tight. plus i was younger and had a harder time criticizing the things i liked, heheh. but it was really the second movie that allowed me to look back at the first and say, yeah, you have some problems both on a concrete and conceptual level, but darn do i enjoy you so hard anyway!

these days i look back at this movie, and i understand where its coming from while accepting that it was probably never going to realistically be any other way for the first ever sonic movie. it still could've been bad though! and it's not! so, win!

SONIC 2: LOREMASTER'S RECKONING

but then we had our revenge

YOU FOOLS?! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD MAKE MORE THAN ONE SONIC MOVIE WITHOUT KNOWING THE LOOOOORE?!?!?!

i jest of course, as a jester might

clearly this movie ended up how it did due to a high amount popularity in the sonic fan community, as well as the first movie's proven success allowing the universe to expand beyond its need to play things safe in order to get off the ground floor

but man oh man was i surprised and ELATED watching this in theaters. master emerald, chaos emeralds, weird original stuff but ultimately a sonic 2 & especially 3&K adaptation!!

DEATH EGG ROBOT VS TEAM SONIC THIRD ACT AND SUPER SONIC ENDING

i truly tried to temper my expectations as i did for the first movie. i was expecting something largely original but still enjoyable. and yes, it's still that, being built on the foundation of the first and all. but holy cow, the additional emphasis on the lore and reverence towards the source material was FELT

i walked out of this thinking "that was a motherfucking SONIC MOVIE."

it blew every expectation i had away and THEN some!!

and it seems like that's where we're landing with the third

Sonic 3 - You truly can't escape us

oh man. sonic adventure 2 adaptation. i expect it to be loose and largely an original construction surrounding the same general beats like the second movie, but god. this isn't pulling from the genesis games that any joe schmoe would remember sonic for. this is pulling from the SAUCE. this is pulling from the COOOORE. this is pulling from the BLOOOOOOD OF SONIC

(can you tell it's early morning and i havent slept?)

and wow. i couldn't be happier. i am just immensely grateful that i get to see such a thing at all. yeah, the movie series has some weird choices at its core. yeah, im expecting some jokes that will probably make me groan a bit. but yknow what? thanks to that first movie, that weird, entirely unfaithful, but ultimately good movie? i get to see stuff like this now. i get to walk into a movie thinking "oh man, i can't wait to see the eclipse cannon and super shadow." it built enough faith that we can do stuff like this now. and while i will have always preferred something entirely faithful to my favorite franchise in the whole wide world, this aint so bad either. i like the sonic movies. i love the sonic movies. even with their flaws

okay this post is very rambly and extremely unedited, but that's because im writing it THE NIGHT (or rather.... morning) BEFORE I SEE SONIC 3. AND FRANKLY, I REALLY NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP. so, well, goodnight i guess!!

SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!!