#trauma response control freaks anonymous

[dailydamnation]

These two. These two people who only manage to (barely) function as humans by remaining in absolute 100% control of themselves at all times.

They have not only admitted to each other that they have nightmares, but have made a promise to help each other through them.

And Scott takes one look at famously-hard-to-read Illyana and knows exactly what's going on.

I love them so much.

[hexellent]

Anonymous asked: [Weighing Pros and Cons]

❣ Because I just want to hear you talk about you lovely OCs!

Pros:

Actually quite likes kids. He naturally wants to care for them and protect them, and is way more likely to spoil them with treats and snacks.

Very observant. He listens very well, and tends to take note of things you like or are into and makes note of them. Especially when it comes to food. He wants to show his love in other ways when he struggles to fully express himself. He loves deeply despite his past.

Devoted, and incredibly so. He wants nothing more than to make the person he loves happy, and is incredibly uninterested in anyone else if he does have a partner.

Cons:

Trauma out the ass that you have to contend with. He knows he has problems, and understands if someone doesn't want to be around him when his PTSD manifests awfully like with nightmares, depressive episodes, and panic attacks.

A bit of the possessive and jealous type. He wants his devotion reciprocated, even if he doesn't say it, and does not take kindly to someone hitting on or getting too friendly with their partner if they aren't explicitly a friend/family. He becomes rather clingy and grumpy in response.

He can be rather closed off on bad days, being quite snippy and quick to snap when in a bad mood or overstimulated. He knows he does it, but can't stop the responses when they happen. He tries to apologize when he's regulated himself, but in the midst, he can sound harsh.

Pros:

Always looking on the bright side, and very understanding and lenient to mistakes (sometimes to her detriment). Her generally sunny disposition and bubbly personality make it a bit hard for you to get on her bad side. She's quite forgiving.

Can and will carry you everywhere, requested or not. She likes showing off her strength every once in awhile, she's rather proud of it! Her speed as well.

She can heal, both medicinally and magically. So if you're ever hurt, she is more than willing and capable of patching you up no problem!

Cons:

Can get quite carried away when excited. She gets an idea in her head and ends up so enamored by it that she gets ahead of herself and pushes boundaries on accident. She feels horrible after, but her impulse control struggles here and there.

A little airheaded and overly trusting. She's constantly thinking and it's quite distracting, so she ends up spacing out and missing things entirely. This leads to her giving the others the benefit of the doubt often, and trusting them easily.

Her trauma sort of manifests weirdly, as there are a lot of things she just sort of pushes down and tries not to think about from her past. Unfortunately, when something does trigger her, the effect is instant and intense. Needles, for instance, don't freak her out by themselves, she uses them herself. But if you were to try to stick her with one, she might freak out and involuntarily attack or run away.

Pros:

When she loves, its deeply. Despite her openly flirty behavior, she is very in love with and devoted to every partner she has. Very physically affectionate and likely gonna hang all over you.

You have the literal protection of a goddess on your side. He, for the most part, will take care of you and anything you need under any means available to him. He's almost motherly to an extent.

Perfect cuddling buddy. Squishy and soft and warm and willing to be either the big or little spoon.

Cons:

Nomadic. She can't stand to stay in one place for super extended periods of time. Of course, they'd want you to go with them, but they can't stay in one spot forever.

A partier and extremely extroverted. It's a pretty adventurous life being with her. She is unwilling to change who she is. This include's her highly emotional state of being.

Polyamorous and unwilling to change this as well. He is aware that most people aren't this way, but he refuses to limit any part of themselves.

[zo2paintedlady]

LGBTQ+ Novels/Memoirs

Here is the book list from my LIS 618 class. The links will bring you to their Goodreads pages.

The 57 Bus by Dashka Slater (2017) *based on a true story* "One teenager in a skirt. One teenager with a lighter. One moment that changes both of their lives forever. If it weren't for the 57 bus, Sasha and Richard never would have met. Both were high school students from Oakland, California, one of the most diverse cities in the country, but they inhabited different worlds. Sasha, a white teen, lived in the middle-class foothills and attended a small private school. Richard, a black teen, lived in the crime-plagued flatlands and attended a large public one. Each day, their paths overlapped for a mere eight minutes. But one afternoon on the bus ride home from school, a single reckless act left Sasha severely burned, and Richard charged with two hate crimes and facing life imprisonment. The case garnered international attention, thrusting both teenagers into the spotlight."

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Saenz (2012) "Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship--the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be."

The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson (2016) "Two boys. Two secrets. David Piper has always been an outsider. His parents think he’s gay. The school bully thinks he’s a freak. Only his two best friends know the real truth – David wants to be a girl. On the first day at his new school Leo Denton has one goal – to be invisible. Attracting the attention of the most beautiful girl in year eleven is definitely not part of that plan. When Leo stands up for David in a fight, an unlikely friendship forms. But things are about to get messy. Because at Eden Park School secrets have a funny habit of not staying secret for long…"

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender (2020) "Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after. When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle...."

Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe (2019) "In 2014, Maia Kobabe, who uses e/em/eir pronouns, thought that a comic of reading statistics would be the last autobiographical comic e would ever write. At the time, it was the only thing e felt comfortable with strangers knowing about em. Now, Gender Queer is here. Maia's intensely cathartic autobiography charts eir journey of self-identity, which includes the mortification and confusion of adolescent crushes, grappling with how to come out to family and society, bonding with friends over erotic gay fanfiction, and facing the trauma of pap smears. Started as a way to explain to eir family what it means to be nonbinary and asexual, Gender Queer is more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity--what it means and how to think about it--for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere."

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver (2019) "When Ben De Backer comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they're thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school. But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life."

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert (2017) "When Suzette comes home to Los Angeles from her boarding school in New England, she isn't sure if she'll ever want to go back. L.A. is where her friends and family are (along with her crush, Emil). And her stepbrother, Lionel, who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, needs her emotional support. But as she settles into her old life, Suzette finds herself falling for someone new...the same girl her brother is in love with. When Lionel's disorder spirals out of control, Suzette is forced to confront her past mistakes and find a way to help her brother before he hurts himself--or worse."

The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019) "IMax: Chill. Sports. Video games. Gay and not a big deal, not to him, not to his mom, not to his buddies. And a secret: An encounter with an older kid that makes it hard to breathe, one that he doesn't want to think about, ever. Jordan: The opposite of chill. Poetry. His "wives" and the Chandler Mall. Never been kissed and searching for Mr. Right, who probably won't like him anyway. And a secret: A spiraling out of control mother, and the knowledge that he's the only one who can keep the family from falling apart. Throw in a rickety, 1980s-era food truck called Coq Au Vinny. Add in prickly pears, cloud eggs, and a murky idea of what's considered locally sourced and organic. Place it all in Mesa, Arizona, in June, where the temp regularly hits 114. And top it off with a touch of undeniable chemistry between utter opposites."

Odd One Out by Nic Stone (2018) "Courtney "Coop" Cooper Dumped. Again. And normally I wouldn't mind. But right now, my best friend and source of solace, Jupiter Sanchez, is ignoring me to text some girl.  Rae Evelyn Chin I assumed "new girl" would be synonymous with "pariah," but Jupiter and Courtney make me feel like I'm right where I belong. I also want to kiss him. And her. Which is . . . perplexing.  Jupiter Charity-Sanchez The only thing worse than losing the girl you love to a boy is losing her to your boy. That means losing him, too. I have to make a move. . . . One story. Three sides. No easy answers."

Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy (2017) "'Ramona was only five years old when Hurricane Katrina changed her life forever. Since then, it’s been Ramona and her family against the world. Standing over six feet tall with unmistakable blue hair, Ramona is sure of three things: she likes girls, she’s fiercely devoted to her family, and she knows she’s destined for something bigger than the trailer she calls home in Eulogy, Mississippi. But juggling multiple jobs, her flaky mom, and her well-meaning but ineffectual dad forces her to be the adult of the family. Now, with her sister, Hattie, pregnant, responsibility weighs more heavily than ever."

Rethinking Normal by Katie Rain Hill (2014) "Have you ever worried that you'd never be able to live up to your parents' expectations? Have you ever imagined that life would be better if you were just invisible? Have you ever thought you would do anything--anything--to make the teasing stop? Katie Hill had and it nearly tore her apart. Katie never felt comfortable in her own skin. She realized very young that a serious mistake had been made; she was a girl who had been born in the body of a boy. Suffocating under her peers' bullying and the mounting pressure to be "normal," Katie tried to take her life at the age of eight years old. After several other failed attempts, she finally understood that "Katie"--the girl trapped within her--was determined to live."

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera (2017) "On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day."

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan (2013) "New York Times bestselling author David Levithan tells the based-on-true-events story of Harry and Craig, two 17-year-olds who are about to take part in a 32-hour marathon of kissing to set a new Guinness World Record—all of which is narrated by a Greek Chorus of the generation of gay men lost to AIDS. While the two increasingly dehydrated and sleep-deprived boys are locking lips, they become a focal point in the lives of other teen boys dealing with languishing long-term relationships, coming out, navigating gender identity, and falling deeper into the digital rabbit hole of gay hookup sites—all while the kissing former couple tries to figure out their own feelings for each other."

We are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson (2016) "Henry Denton has spent years being periodically abducted by aliens. Then the aliens give him an ultimatum: The world will end in 144 days, and all Henry has to do to stop it is push a big red button. Only he isn’t sure he wants to. After all, life hasn’t been great for Henry. His mom is a struggling waitress held together by a thin layer of cigarette smoke. His brother is a jobless dropout who just knocked someone up. His grandmother is slowly losing herself to Alzheimer’s. And Henry is still dealing with the grief of his boyfriend’s suicide last year. Wiping the slate clean sounds like a pretty good choice to him. But Henry is a scientist first, and facing the question thoroughly and logically, he begins to look for pros and cons: in the bully who is his perpetual one-night stand, in the best friend who betrayed him, in the brilliant and mysterious boy who walked into the wrong class. Weighing the pain and the joy that surrounds him, Henry is left with the ultimate choice: push the button and save the planet and everyone on it…or let the world—and his pain—be destroyed forever."

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson (2020) "Liz Lighty has always believed she's too black, too poor, too awkward to shine in her small, rich, prom-obsessed midwestern town. But it's okay -- Liz has a plan that will get her out of Campbell, Indiana, forever: attend the uber-elite Pennington College, play in their world-famous orchestra, and become a doctor. But when the financial aid she was counting on unexpectedly falls through, Liz's plans come crashing down . . . until she's reminded of her school's scholarship for prom king and queen. There's nothing Liz wants to do less than endure a gauntlet of social media trolls, catty competitors, and humiliating public events, but despite her devastating fear of the spotlight she's willing to do whatever it takes to get to Pennington. The only thing that makes it halfway bearable is the new girl in school, Mack. She's smart, funny, and just as much of an outsider as Liz. But Mack is also in the running for queen. Will falling for the competition keep Liz from her dreams . . . or make them come true?"

[ohnoitsjoanna]

Please enjoy a smattering of Joanna headcanons for your viewing pleasure. Some uhhh trigger warnings for neglect/abuse.

Joanna is generally harmless, but she is not an especially calming presence.

Joanna can’t actually talk to plants. She assumes some of her other Demeter siblings can, but she doesn’t really think that plants can hear her. In reality, she isn’t hearing what they are ‘saying’ but an interpretation of their sentiments as if it was a human language in her head. She processes it similar to audio, though, and it’s difficult for her to hear when she’s around too-loud voices.

She has something of a complex due to how ridiculous her powers are. Why did some people get awesome super fire control and electricity only for her to get super plant hearing and being human fertilizer? It doesn’t seem fair. She’s glad her dad is more interested in soil than plants since dirt doesn’t talk much, but there’s a reason why she avoids what frustrates her most. Her dad made her use her soil enriching abilities and test them in various environments. On some level, she knows that if she tried rolling around in the dirt or something it would be of use to people. But is it worth being used like that? Bringing back old trauma?

Her dad is married to his work, and sometimes saw Joanna as extension of that work. She didn’t really comprehend what was wrong with her childhood until she got to college and moved into a dorm. She’s salty now that her dad treated her as a science experiment rather than a child.

Not that Joanna didn’t actually like science itself... She just didn’t want to do what her dad did for a living, and enjoys working with younger people. Her students are very important to her.

Joanna’s dad has/had a coworker named Silas who was probably her dad’s best friend. He and his wife Erika didn’t have kids (couldn’t have kids) were kind to Joanna. She thinks now that they picked up on something being wrong with Joanna’s upbringing but never mentioned anything about it. When she hears other people with good relationships with their parents talk about their fun memories and warm fuzzy feelings, she has trouble relating those to her dad. She remembers Erika picking her up from school when the guys got caught up at work, or Silas taking her to the hospital when she broke her arm because Joanna’s dad sucked in a crisis. It’s difficult to talk to them sometimes now that she’s grown up and doesn’t have a good reason to connect to them anymore. She sends Christmas gifts every year, but doesn’t know how to thank them.

She has a sympathetic side, but it chiefly extends to animals and people who are obviously vulnerable. She’s all in all a decent person, but not warm unless something seems really wrong with you. Or you’re a little kid.

At least one person messed up her ability to relate to romantic relationships apart from her. It’s fine. She has many other priorities like beating Super Mario Bros. on the original system, causing mild mayhem with friends and not friends, and attaining immortality.

She’s serious about the immortality thing, but doesn’t really believe that she could get it.

Joanna kind of wants children, and would probably adopt rather than try the birthing way. Pregnancy, while fascinating and gross, seems painful and disruptive.

When Joanna was 17, she saw a little girl walk out of the ocean- completely dry. In her mind, this confirmed the existence of something more otherworldly than simple demigods and gods. Unfortunately, this just turned out to be a child of Amphitrite named Maristela, but Joanna did not learn this until recently.

She likes magic but doesn’t carefully practice it. She just thinks it’s neat to learn about- unless it might help her with the immortality thing. Mystery, arcane, the macabre, and oddities all generally fascinate her. She’s unnerved by the freak shows of yore, though. Treating amazing, unusual people poorly is grounds for hatred.

One of Joanna’s favorite pastimes is curating an anonymous blog filled with strange pictures of her cat Misdemeanor. She loves that cat, even though Missy is most definitely responsible for crimes.

She’s got a video game obsession, and judges people who don’t expect her to know a lot about those things. Immersing herself in someone else’s world with goofy video game logic is the most fun. By no means picky in her taste, she loves playing gimmicky games, party games, and even the epic popular ones. She’s more interested in jokey but quality games like Octodad.

Having poor taste is a point of pride. She loves being tacky, and wouldn’t change it for the world. Her apartment being such a weird place makes her happy.

It’s hard for her to say that she loves herself, and she’s not good at admitting her feelings for other people either.

Growing up, Joanna always had a hard time fitting in at school. Acting confident, sarcastic and weird got bullies to back away.

[cknavir]

Happy birthday, you.

Here's to that special someone in my life. So special that i dont care if he's a fucking lunatic or whatever he is. I fucking love you, you fucking walnut.

Even if you keep on swerving away from my direction just so you could avoid me.

I keep on imagining that you steal glances at me, but i realized that i probably have an over hyperactive imagination.

I was really hoping to give you a letter of some sort, but i dont have that sort of confidence that i had when i first made contact with you. You ripped it off away from me. I dont have the courage to face you anymore. Im counting on internet anonymity, call me a coward if you like.

I'd rather love you here from the shadows.

Im not poetic enough, so deal with it. This is all i could muster.

Ever remembered how both of us first made contact because of that intellectual question i answered and you answered with a more 'intellectual' answer? Yeah.

Those nights we spent together. Not really in the same room, but we were deeply engaged with each other. At least on my mind, we are. You made 12 am conversations the best part of my day.

'Good night.' and then i'd feel sad for a while. But you know, I'd still read our conversations to cheer myself up. Rewind to those priceless minutes we spent. And then the darkness would pull me to its arms, and lull me to sleep with the thought of you lingering on my mind.

First thing in the morning, I'd check on you. Online 7 hours ago. You still needed some sleep, and my eyes are hurting a little bit. My body is weighing me down, but the thought of you keeps me going on. I resume the day.

Analysis, analysis. What did you exactly mean when you said this? My friend keeps on comforting me. 'enjoy it while it lasts!'

'what if it isnt mutual?' ah yes. The million dollar question i keep on reminding myself that i already know the answer to. But still i keep going. The thought of you makes my heart feel a little bit alive. Even if i expect the void to catch me whilst im falling for you. You didnt know. You wouldn't dare. Youre a clueless bitch you know that?

I was so happy that time. I didnt expect you to be so... Responsive. Considering the trauma i had from my previous attempts from previous people. You were clearly different. From them. I gave you full membership that permits you to destroy me in any way, even if you werent aware of it. I sacrifice my sleep. I dont eat much, because my stomach turns by the thought of you. I sacrifice my time thinking of you. Im becoming a martyr. Someone i didnt like. This was clearly a breach from my beliefs.

And then i decided. To end it all. I didnt like what i was becoming. I decided to tell you that fateful day. You had someone you like. I sighed with relief. I was... Free.

Loving you was a torture of a lifetime.

Sure. A part of me broke. But, i made amends with myself. Maybe you werent worth it. I started to entertain those kind of thoughts. You were fading gradually.

And i forgot about you.

Well, a plot twist appeared. I was supposed to say goodbye to the thought of you. And when im done with something, im done with it. I dont go back.

But why? You were the fucking exception. This time, its getting more personal than ever. All those late night conversations couldnt compare to the feels i caught when you came back.

'you cant control feelings, dude.' i get that a lot. Its like a bang to my head. I had gained total control. I was expecting nothing to go wrong. I was expecting everything to proceed smoothly the way it is.

And you showed up. You had a piece that i cant take control from. Crazy as it sounds. Im a total control freak.

You had those intense stares i had to break away from. I learned how to direct my gaze more forcefully, away from you. I had to feign ignorance. Because... I already know what was going to happen next. You'd reject me the second time. I didnt want to experience the same thing all over again. So i had to avoid you. I had to force myself to get over you even though i still have feelings for you.

But time came, i turned to accepting things the way it is. We talked way more than i expected. I had gained insight from you up close. I couldnt get enough. I was feeling a little bit intoxicated. You brought back that same persona that i tried so hard to get rid of. Im not that optimistic.

But i have friends that support me. They take care of my nihilistic approach towards you. 'There's really nothing to worry about.' Even your bestfriend is taking a lot of measures to ensure that i get my confidence back. But you probably took it the wrong way.

And it was your turn to avoid me. Is there something wrong? Just tell me, and I'll do my best to stop it.

To all that happened good and bad, im just glad that you came to my life. You spiced it up for a little while.

I just want you to know, that i loved you, and im in the process of forgetting you again. I cant bear the sight of you being uncomfortable with me around. I'll do you a favor. I'll try my best to stop being near you. As hard as it is, this is reality.

And i know that you cant love me back.

[illyanarasputinfan]

Scott finally got to make pancakes for Illyana’s birthday. ☹️

These two. These two people who only manage to (barely) function as humans by remaining in absolute 100% control of themselves at all times.

They have not only admitted to each other that they have nightmares, but have made a promise to help each other through them.

And Scott takes one look at famously-hard-to-read Illyana and knows exactly what's going on.

I love them so much.