#tried to smash the computer and it just goes freaking flying
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secret-sageent · 11 months ago
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imagine Colin rolling up with one of these bitches
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ridiasfangirlings · 3 years ago
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I want more of goto terrorize septer 4 with his cursed items (babes) plz
Gotou's items are almost worse than Strains I bet, like at least when something weird happens with a Strain they know for sure that's the reason but you're never certain with Gotou's things. Like imagine he brings home this new statue one day and tells Hidaka that it's an ancient spirit of bad luck, it's trapped in the statue and if anyone were to break it the spirit would escape and curse that person with a hundred years of bad luck. Hidaka figures that's just silly right, it's a superstition – but just in case he is going to be very careful not to smash it. Naturally he lasts about a day and then one night he gets up to use the bathroom and promptly trips over the statue, breaking it. Hidaka immediately freaks out and then tries to calm himself like it's just a story right it's just a story I'm not cursed with bad luck. He steps into the bathroom and just after he finishes washing his hands and steps away from the sink a giant chunk of the ceiling falls in right at the spot where he was standing moments before.
Hidaka tells himself it has to be a coincidence right, there's no such thing as bad luck. Except now of course the entire building seems to be under a curse, like all their computers go on the fritz and then the pipes burst so no one can take a shower, Kamo accidentally starts a fire in the kitchen, Doumyouji drops a cage full of Strain bees and sets them all loose, Enomoto's glasses break and it turns out even his spares were affected, Fushimi's harness snaps and he keeps dropping knives everywhere it's awful. The only person seemingly unaffected is Munakata, who keeps managing to just dodge all the bad luck with the power of Kings. Like imagine they have someone repainting the walls, the painter drops their bucket of paint off the ladder as Munakata's walking beneath but somehow it misses him by a hair and hits Fuse instead. Or he goes outside to walk in the garden and it starts raining a moment after he gets tired and goes inside (Akiyama went out to water the plants and gets soaked).
Fushimi's not particularly thrilled by all these weird things that keep happening, he just had a fourth computer explode when he tried to turn it on and he's sleeping in the office because a pipe burst in his room and the floor is covered in three inches of water. Hidaka laments the bad luck curse and Fushimi's like what curse, Hidaka explains and Fushimi's like don't be stupid curses don't exist. As he's saying that a breeze comes out of nowhere and sends all the papers in Hidaka's hands flying, they all land conveniently in the paper shredder across the room and get immediately shredded. Fushimi's suddenly willing to entertain the idea of the ancient bad luck spirit. Cue Fushimi and the squad with like some good luck charms from the local shrine wandering around the building trying to catch the bad luck spirit and capture it in a tupperware container (it's all they had okay), Fushimi complaining that this is stupid but also he's not leaving either. Gotou runs into everyone and is surprised that they're all trying to hunt down the spirit, 'that child' hasn't left Hidaka's side all day. Fushimi and the rest of the squad all turn to look at Hidaka who's like wait wait we don't know that before he's like doused in holy water and salt in an attempt to exorcise him.
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diavolosthots · 4 years ago
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hello ! can I request a fic of mammon realizing the MC is kidnapped and being tortured so he goes on searching mode with his brothers and once they found MC, he would hold on to them for dear life because he's afraid he'll lose them again? please give it a lot of angst, I need to cry :)) also thank you so much for accepting requests again, can't tell you how much I love your writings and blog <3
I tried my best 💀 thank you so much ❤
Warning: angst, mentions of torture -> happy ending
Fearful ( MAMMON X GN!READER ft. THE BROTHERS )
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“I wondered how long until this would happen.” “Lucifer!” Mammon, for once, can’t believe his older brother. You had been missing for literal days. You spend the night with Simeon and Luke and then didn’t come home the next day and at first, everyone tried to justify it by saying that you decided to stay with them a little bit longer, except that, after the 3rd day, when Lucifer called Simeon to confirm your whereabouts, they found out that that was not true. They searched the whole house, frantically running up and down the stairs and opening the many doors that led to various rooms. All of RAD and part of the Devildom’s downtown streets were also searched and still, no luck. Mammon was freaking everyone out even more with his inability to stand still and think straight for even a moment. “Mammon!” But even yelling their brother’s name and threatening him did little to calm him down. He’s thinking the worst and can’t see a scenario of where you’re not dead. “What if they’re dead, Lucifer!? What we gonna do then…?!” The worst part was that besides saying that they don’t know anything for sure, Lucifer can do very little to comfort his brother, which is torture on another level. Mammon was, is, and always will be his favorite, no matter how bad it looks to an outsider. He loves his brother and seeing him so anxious makes his own heart ache. 
See, to Mammon, you were one in a million; he knew that from the minute he saw you. Not having you with him or at least in the same house, has him very much on edge and the fact that they knew even less about your whereabouts had a chill running down his spine. “I got something!” The minute he heard Leviathan’s words, he pushed everyone else out of the way and looked at his brother’s computer screen where a red dot was blinking. “The hell is that?! I thought ya had somethin’!” “I do! That’s their phone’s location! Seems like whoever took them forgot to turn off the location setting…” Lucifer pushed him out of the way to which Mammon protested, trying to see where that might be. “That’s the abandoned gold mine. It hasn’t been used since Lord Diavolo rose to power.” Everyone stayed quiet, except for Mammon, who was already breathing heavily and freaking out, “gold mine, gold mine…” Before anyone could say anything else, he was already off. “Mammon! You’re be-.... Reckless… You’re being reckless…” Belphegor groaned, shaking his head. Of course he wanted to find you as well, but he wasn’t about to jump in head first without a plan.
Mammon switched between flying and running, knowing where that damn mine is located and only because he heard some rumor about some of the gold still being in there. There wasn’t back then, but there is now. “I swear if they did anything to ya (Y/N)...” he’s mumbling to himself, his heart pounding with both fear and hope of finding you there. He rushes in without a plan. Looking back now, that was stupid, but he just wanted to save you damnit! The sight that greeted him was less than exciting, though, “(Y/N)...” those bastards had you dangling from the ceiling, your body shed from all the clothes you were wearing and you looked like you barely clung to life. 
His heart shattered right then and there. Seeing you like that had his heart stop for a moment, long enough for your attackers to wrap something around his throat and drag him back. Mammon gasped out, trying to catch a breath of air as he struggled, his wings flapping hard behind him and one of them actually managed to cut the demon that was holding the thing that was wrapped around your throat, which gave Mammon the opportunity to grab him and throw him over his shoulder and hard into the ground. There were at least two more guys coming from the shadows and Mammon made quick work in knocking the demon below him unconscious before he took on the other two with an almost animalistic scream. Your body stirred at the noise and he was glad to catch a glimpse of some form of life left inside of you, “hold on (Y/N)!” He wasn’t so nice with the next guy, opting straight for ripping his head off. Right as he was about to do the same to the third one, he saw a fourth come up behind you, cutting your body and adding to the wounds that already drained you of so much blood, “no!” 
He lunged himself at the fourth guy first, body slamming him to the ground and then taking his head in his hands, smashing it on the ground as well. A pool of blood collected behind the demon and Mammon silently prayed that that was enough to knock him out for good. The third, and last guy, took a hold of Mammon and yanked him back, holding him in a choke hold until Mammon saw Lucifer out of the corner of his eyes, yanking the demon back off of him. Immediately, Mammon’s eyes were on your form again, watching as Asmodeus and Satan took you down, gently undoing the cuffs that held you to the ceiling. 
Mammon rushed over, taking your body from them and falling to his knees, pulling you into his lap, “(Y/N)! Damnit, (Y/N)!!” He slaps your cheek lightly before leaning down to see if he can hear, or feel, any type of breathing. “They’re breathing…” at least something good, right? “Oi! Wake up! (Y/N)!” He’s shaking you, his voice starting to crack as he brings you up into his arms, squeezing you tightly against his chest. Beel came up behind him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Mammon… take them. We have to get out of here.” But Mammon shook his head, burying his face into your shoulder to hide the tears that are threatening to fall, “(Y/N).... babe… wake up… please…” He’s mumbling against your skin now, fear that those breaths he heard weren’t actual breaths and just his imagination setting in. 
Satan was the first who noticed, seeing the slight movement in your fingertips. You had lost a lot of blood from the several deep cuts, and your body was pretty bruised up. How much blood could a human lose before it became too much? Satan wasn’t even quite sure, but apparently you hadn’t lost enough to be dead yet. “M-Mammon..” your voice was hoarse, quiet, but it was enough to alert the demon and he immediately pulled back to look at you, not caring about the tears that have now stained his cheeks. “(Y/N)? (Y/N)! Say… Say it again!” “Mammon…” Your eyes opened up for a moment, too weak to stay open for long but you mustered a small smile before your head rolled against his shoulder, “you came…” 
He didn’t know if his heart was rising or aching even more, “of course I came…” Why wouldn’t he come? Slowly rising to his feet, he made sure to keep his grip on you strong, almost growling when Lucifer moved to wrap his coat around your naked body, but he didn’t want anyone else to see you like this either. “Thanks…” he was more worried about you right now than the look Lucifer gave him, slowly moving to make his way back home. His gaze stayed on you, scared that if he looked away for even a second you’d stop breathing for sure, “Of course I came for ya, (Y/N).... I love ya…” he wasn’t sure if you heard it until a soft grasp could be felt on his chest and he quickly returned his gaze to look at your face, a small smile present again. You were hurt, but you would be okay, or at least, that’s what he’s telling himself, and you. 
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jq37 · 4 years ago
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The Report Card – Fantasy High: The Seven Ep 3
Let’s Split Up and Look for Clues! 
Welcome back to the Seven and the Museum of Adventuring. My previous pronouncement of combat was a little premature but hold tight, we’ll get there. For now, we’re back with Antiope who just saw a glimpse of the Ending of Things (aka, Ending) and is freaking out a bit. She tells the others and they all do various checks to see what they can find out.
Ostentatia casts Commune With City and clocks that there is some kind of abjuration shield magic on the government buildings in town, stopping them from being spied on. She also clocks some lingering undead-ish magic and a weird divination effect on Antiope, specifically on the Aguefort logo of her jacket, like someone scryed on her and just got that she had something to do with Aguefort. At this, Penny reminds her that the only true piece of info they gave Ending when they broke her out is that they were from Aguefort.
Sam with a 19 Insight still feels the connection she and Ant have with Ending because of their spells turned against them in the initial encounter. Yelle does a Perception check (27) and once again doesn’t really get bad, dreadful, menacing vibes. But also, she recognizes that she’s chill with a lot of things most people don’t love. 
Antiope reiterates that she texted Charity that she’s interested in the internship so she can learn more info--even better now that they know the buildings are safe from scrying. Yelle remembers Aguefort’s warning about people watching them and Sam asks Zelda if her “weird boyfriend” (“he’s actually really cool”) is friends with the elven oracle. Zelda says yeah, they’re both friends with Adaine, she can ask about any weird divination stuff. Sam makes sure to specify she should look into TK but NOT Ending, no doubt remembering what happened when she tried to do a spell on her. 
It’s been a big day as Zelda says so they all go to the TGIF-esque Slappy McFinnigans to celebrate (which Sam has problems with--the fact that they’re celebrating I mean, but she’s mainly ignored). They’re quickly kicked out because Katja can’t help herself from trying to brush the mane of their centaur server and they reconvene at the more their speed SlamBurger, where a horse can fully destroy a soda machine to absolutely zero reaction.  Zelda says that Ostentatia was right in that they should all do the quest because it doesn’t close any doors and they have the 2 weeks to figure things out. They all seem a bit more on the same page (though Sam is still pretty frosty towards Ant) and start making plans.
Before they leave, Yelle pulls aside Ant and Sam and says hey, first of all, you two are still linked to Ending from before. Second of all, I know y’all are Going Through It right now and you don’t have to talk about it or make up right away but you need to get your heads in the game and you need to know that you’re both loved and still family. 
Penny, Zelda, Katja, and Ostentatia go back to the museum to try and get more information for their quest. Katja goes to the information desk (horse in tow, of course) and just starts asking information about TK. She’s told that she’s one of the museum’s benefactors and has been missing for years, and hey, do you understand that a museum’s info desk is about where the water fountains and exhibits are, not just random information about the world?
Ostentatia bails her out by calling her over so she can do her plan which is just to walk into the back area like she owns the place. Now, Aguefort students do have a certain level of clearance to be back there and she does have her school ID. But instead of explaining that, she tried to use her Earrings of Diamond Charm to charm the employee she runs into which fails. And then she does a pretty good tag-team lie with Katja about how they NEED to pass a class but that doesn’t fly. Then Ostentatia tries flirting which ALSO doesn’t work. Zelda at this point steps in and just headbuts the dude so they can book it away. I personally would have gone with, “Do you know who we are? We killed the dragon that’s your current main exhibit,” but you know. No backseat adventuring. 
While this is happening, Penny is stealthing like a pro, looking for anything Arcana related. Ostentatia and Katja also did checks (O getting a nat 20) and we’ll go through all their info gathered now. 
Katja basically gets info on TK we kind of already knew. She was a benefactor of the museum. She’s centuries old like Aguefort. She was concerned with consciousness and divinity and specifically how will and divine will manifested, as well as elemental magic.  
Ostentatia gets a lot of info with her Nat 20. She gets a full map to the temple where TK went which is called the Temple of Earth Defiant. The point of the temple is that it’s up in the open air and harsh winds--wind being a symbol of chaos and unpredictability to dwarves--but they still use it as a place to honor their heroes and they rebuild and upkeep it despite the erosion and how hard it is to get there. It’s hallowed from evil and lots of stories about it involve heroes racing there for sanctuary. It was made by dwarves but it’s a pilgrimage site for other primordial beings like goliaths and earth genasi (which is what TK is). There are 3 heroes who have big statues here: Asha Hammerheart (a SUPER dope name I must say), Yvonna of the Sundering Hills , and Kora Ironbrow.
Penny finds that, amongst Kalvaxus’s hoard there were 7 unrecovered artifacts--the Mirrors of the Eidolons (which are the smashed mirrors they found it seems). Eidelons are kind of like the elemental plane version of angels/celestials. They’re primordial (remember Katja saw primordial language on the wall of the dragon cave) and kind of aligned with things like titans and genies. Raw element with no agenda (unlike celestials and demons and such which have a clear alignment which makes up the D&D religious system). It is said by wizards--who look at these things in more of a nuts and bolts way than say clerics who take the fuzzier religions view--that Eidolons are the hands of the gods because gods are beings of spirit--how could they form the physical world. Will of the divine manifested by elemental beings? Sounds right up TK’s alley.
Sam decides she’s desperate enough for information that she calls her mom who she is understandably snippy with. Her mom gives her a contact to talk to when she asks about TK but Sam stonewalls her on show business talk. She tries to play the “mother knows best, you’ll thank me later,” in a kind of Gothel-y way while acting like anything in the past never happened and says Sam is attacking her but when Sam accuses her of neglect, she proves her right by hanging up the phone.
Sam then calls the number and it turns out to be Lola Embers (Fig’s agent) who has been waiting for Sam’s call for ages and wants to talk to her, even though she’s currently chasing her dog across the park. She says she met TK once at a genasi woman networking thing and also says she once saw Charity get into an argument with TK over government funding or not getting a grant or something similar. She then says she’s in a lake trying to get her dog and Sam, being a water genasi who can breathe underwater and also a fundamentally good person even though she’s currently being aggro as hell, goes to the park to help her. Lola assures her that if she’s ready, she’ll help her get new acting gigs and that the world is ready for the new her. 
Yelle meanwhile casts Speak With Plants on some trees near TK’s office and, after a super stoner to stoner conversation, gets a magical footprint trail of where she ran off to when she absconded 12 years ago. 
Antiope (who is in a sports bra because she destroyed her top with the Aguefort logo since that’s what was pinged, revealing in a wild, nat-1 fueled retcon that she got a tramp stamp reading “Leader” in the Red Waste) goes to see Charity to fill out some paperwork, ingratiate herself, and perhaps get some info. Charity has her hot, young, assistant (who Antiope is instantly crushing on) give Ant his shirt (and Charity’s lack of surprise at seeing his 4 horses pulling a chariot tattoo makes the group think they’re def banging). She kind of explains what the Ministry does and Antiope boils it down a bit to snitching on other adventurers. Charity says it’s more of a who watches the watchmen situation and visibly twitches when she has to say the word “snitch”. 
When she takes a second to call Antiope’s dad, she accidentally leaves a tab open on her computer which has TK’s file open (probably up from when the Maidens asked about her earlier). Antiope sneaks a peek and learns that the artifact that TK stole is called the Legendarium Extrodia and it tracks quests. It seems that at some point TK must have had top level access to get her hands on it. It also shows that TK was marked for assassination (which seems like a pretty good reason to get the heck out of dodge). Brennan also says she’s learned enough that she can use the L.E. if she finds it. 
At this point, Yelle tells everyone to come back ASAP so they can follow the magic footsteps. Antiope wants to come but doesn’t want to burn bridges with Charity (or chances with Preston--equally important) so she, at Katja’s suggestion--pretends to have diarrhea and is Nat 20 convincing. Interesting choice for the end of the first meeting with a person you’re crushing on. But Preston is actually pretty supportive as she races out the door as fast as possible.
The Seven follow the footsteps out of Solace and it becomes clear that TK was headed to the dwarven temple Ostentatia learned about. This is a multi-day journey so Cinnamon sings a glorious, magical, horse song and summons mounts for everyone which I will now name because this is obviously the most important part of the episode:
Snowfire - Danielle
Taffodill - Sam
Alagonia - Antiope
Candyheart - Penny
Starforge - Ostentatia 
Strawberry Dancer - Zelda 
Crucial info. 
As they travel, Antiope casts Primeval Awareness and gets that there is something ancient in the mountain. They travel through Pilgrim’s Pass (a village area most travelers to the temple pass through) but find it completely razed to the ground. They investigate. 
With an 18 Survival check, Antiope finds tracks that seem halfway between dog and cat. There are more than 4 legs and it’s hard to tell how old they are because there’s not a lot of rain in the area. They could have been left long ago and been undisturbed. Regardless, these are clearly from monstrosities. On a 26 History Check, Katja knows that this area used to be protected by Blink Dogs (teleporting dogs) but they seem to be all gone now. On a 22 Nature check, Yelle sees a weird feather made out of plant material. It seems like fae stuff but bad vibes. On an 18 Insight check, Sam knows this was a purposeful slaughter.
And on Penny’s 30 Arcana check, oh boy. Penny finds broken common scrawled on the wall in human blood talking about a queen of the mountain who rules the skies. That only the queen may see and none may see themselves. And that the people were told to destroy the seeing glass and did not obey. In from of that message is a bear hide covering something magic. Penny lifts it with reckless abandon and sees tons of mirror shards.
Friendship bracelets! She thinks.
Gotcha bitch, the thing in the mirror says.
Uh-oh.   
Penny calls over her friends to let them knows she may have made a tiny mistake. The group is pretty split between, “Understandable,” and “Girl, WHAT?” In her defense, she did try to cast Friends on the person on the other side of the mirror shards but that’s not enough to stop an entire pack of 50-60 Displacer Beast (magic tentacle cats)/Blink Dog hybrid monstrosities along with the Harpy Queen (voice from the mirror) and her plant feathered harpy minions to start rapidly making their way to their location. 
It is at this point that Ostentatia remembers that abominations and monstrosities cannot step into the temple which means it’s time to RUN. 
And NOW it’s combat time. 
The premise of this fight is that the girls are on their horses, moving towards the center of the temple as fast as they can while fending off the closest enemies. I won’t give an exact play by play but the two highlights are as follows:
Yelle conjures up a bunch of geese with raptor stats (...so normal geese) to swarm the head cat/dog abomination and has to do a truly stunning amount of math for which she is rewarded with SEVENTY POINTS OF DAMAGE. 
Antiope does some insane arrow trickery and gets the Queen Harpy in the wing (which Ostentatia helpfully gets on video so she can show Preston later) and then forces her to take damage as she falls. If not for an extremely lucky Box of Doom nat 20, she may have been down for the count. Antiope still comes away with more than FIFTY points of damage on her though. 
And we end the episode mid-combat! We will catch up on our girls next time!
Superlatives 
Penny: Most Likely to Make Friends During a Hostage Situation 
As a companion to Danielle’s superlative last episode, Penny gets this award for reading or misreading every situation as an opportunity to make friends or make friendship bracelets for the ones she already has. 
Random Thoughts
Did you guys notice that with Katja having Cinnamon and Charity’s assistant being Preston, that’s two of the main pet NPCs from A Crown of Candy?
Antiope’s Reaction to Yelle Saying That Maybe Things Ending Isn’t So Bad: Rail against the dying of the light! Why are you OK with this?
Penny’s Reaction to Yelle Saying That Maybe Things Ending Isn’t So Bad: Entropy is TERRIBLE! Everything needs order!
The greasy cashier’s response to Ostentatia’s flirty, “Come here often?” is “To my job? Honestly no.” Brennan? Chef’s kiss. 
My other fave line this episode is from Sam. “I believe Cinnamon fucks.”
It’s very cute that Penny is like, “I gotta text Riz about this Eidelon stuff!” Not because she wants help. Just so they can geek out together. 
The joke that Brennan didn’t think about the birds is so funny considering all the bird facts in Misfits.
Also re Birds attacking: “They made a movie about this Brennan!” 
Good on Ant for refusing an Aguefort sweatshirt from Charity when offered after the little scrying incident before. Remembering things like this saves lives. 
It has been brought up several times that Ending isn’t necessarily Bad just Ancient and Powerful and I trust Yelle’s vibe check but also, like, a forest fire doesn’t have malice behind it but it can still devastate a city while it clears out dead trees that need to be cleared, you know? Not ready to start wild speculation yet but I am curious. And am similarly curious about the sisters Ending has mentioned. Oh and the parallels of 7 Maidens, 7 mirrors. It’s all there, we just need a little more info. 
Honestly, get you a man who will see you rushing out of a building, loudly claiming to have diarrhea, and instead of being grosses out will just supportively confess his own stomach issues. I wish he was just a little younger cause I want that for Ant. 
I do like that D20 has been playing a little more fast and loose with the RP ep/combat ep format. I think it really helps with story flow. 
In this episode Antiope and Brennan as various non-Zelda NPCs rolled 2 Nat 20s. O rolled one. Ant rolled 1 Nat 1--which was on a self imposed roll to see how she responded to Sephie’s tramp stamp improv. And O may have rolled one for initiative also but I wasn’t sure. 
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smartzelda · 5 years ago
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Okay, first off, I know I said we would start where I left off in Corona, but I need to take a second to recognize something I forgot in Toy Box when rewriting the last post. Yozora.
Sora's "I never looked this good"
And Donald and Goofy like, "He looks kinda like Riku. Must be him."
And the Kingstagram post: "Yozora looks so much like Riku! I have GOT to play this game someday!"
Soriku bro😔👌
Okay, now back to Corona😂
So, where we left off, Gothel took Rapunzel back to the tower, and I'm skipping to Gothel's Rapunzel trap working on Flynn, and Flynn slowly dying
So, starting with Rapunzel, she starts off pretty confident, talking about how she'll run and run and run from Gothel forever, but in one moment, she becomes more submissive
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If only she could just use her hair to save him.
Though obviously these are two different feelings going on, we're gonna start with this loose parallel of Rapunzel to Sora, who also in a single moment or from a single event, goes from confident to crying on his knees
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If only Sora had his friends to give him the power to drive back the demon hurricane.
And of course, neither Flynn nor Riku will let it be this way. Flynn can't let her give up her dreams and her freedom to save him, and Riku just can't let Sora give up and believe he can't do anything.
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["Sora, I believe in you. You won't give up."]
So, what do they do?
Flynn cuts off Rapunzel's hair, condemning himself to death, but saving Rapunzel's life (or at least, right to truly live)
Riku takes a shot at the demon tide, sacrificing himself in hopes of saving Sora's life.
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In other words, they do a true love's sacrifice/act of true love
Quick intermission since here is where Gothel becomes the heartless and final boss. I still suck at this boss. It took me an hour or two to beat her. However, this is also when I started abusing shotlocks for the first time, so there's that. Abuse ultima shotlocks, cast magic, time your dodges, and hope whenever you attack you don't get attacked 😂
So, by the time Sora, Donald, and Goofy get up to the tower, I think we're supposed to presume Eugene is nearly dead, but Rapunzel is holding on, not wanting him to die
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And of course, Sora desperately reaches for the light, calling for Riku. I guess you could say he's holding onto Riku.
["Riku! Riku, answer me!"]
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Rapunzel sings her healing song that talks about reversing time, bringing back "what once was mine", changing "the fates' design, ect, and then her tear drops onto Eugene's face. And so, after both of them risked their own lives in acts of true love, both of them cheat the different deaths which would have been thrust upon them, changing fate's design
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In similar fashion, due to what I believe to have been Kairi holding Sora's form together and Riku's act of true love saving Sora's heart, Sora too has cheated death (at least for now), and after reaching for the light, calling for Riku, and flying into it, he goes for Riku's heart first, saves all of his friends (minus Kairi till the light tunnel, though Sora doesn't save her) and not only reverses, but rewrites the destined events to happen in the timeline. I'd say it parallels Rapunzel's healing song, and even though he does save everyone and not just one person, there definitely is something to the fact that he specifically goes for Riku, specifically calls his name, and ends up wresting him from his fate first.
(Don't worry, bro, his heart'll be okay now)
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Also, side note: During Rapunzel singing her healing song, she and Eugene confess that the other was their new dream and that just my heart
Bro, Eugene like, "Did I ever tell you... I've got a thing for brunettes?"
He really be the Riku parallel in this scene, don't he😏
Now of course, being me, I can't pass up the next parallel in this world
Sora: Well, if he comes back and tries to bother Rapunzel again, then Flynn will keep her safe.
Donald: Come on. Rapunzel's the tough one, if you ask me.
Flynn: True. But nevertheless, I won't let her out of my sight.
I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems this parallels Riku wanting to have the strength to protect Sora, attaining that strength, but also being aware that Sora can take care of himself and has his own strength
And of course, this world is ended with a funny sex joke and Flynn getting stared down by Maximus and wet willied by pascal
Since here we're done with the worlds in the first area of gummi space and launched into the next, I'm gonna add that after every world I spend forever in gummi space farming meteorites and occasionally fighting the heartless and some boss battles, and every time I get launched into the next area of gummi space, I get all the treasure planets and the warp zone things too (apparently actual words evade me for both those things today). Legit though, farming meteorites is so helpful in getting synthesis materials you can use for upgrading your keyblades
So next was on to Monstropolis. I don't have much to talk about here.
Sora, Donald, and Goody freaking out over each other's monster forms? Hilarious.
Monster Sora? He will never not be adorable. Same with Boo
The big blue turtletoad unversed are annoying, and ngl, I had to dodge around a lot and play safe so I wouldn't die in like 2 hits.
Both the keyblade forms for Oathkeeper amd the form for Ultima on monster Sora are just so epic!!!
I still hate light rails with a passion.
Poor Sora so tired of dealing with computers thst when Goofy suggests smashing it, he's completely ready
Monstropolis: Randal nearly becomes leather wear before Vanitas saves him
The fact that Sora, Donald, and Goofy talked about Sora's weird kh1 smile and afterwards actually came up with a name for it. "Do the silly face special!" Also, when Monster Sora does it, it's definitely cute compared to the kh1 scene
The final boss unversed still sucked and took me plenty of tries, but I think I did better than my proud run.
YEETUS VANITAS
Ngl, I chanted YEETUS VANITAS cause I knew when it was coming
Poor Vanitas. He just need some love. From what I can tell in kh3, he's probably not hurting like he was in bbs and is less angry, and because there was a hole in his heart, he believed he had to join with Ventus to fill it even though their hearts have grown apart. Vanitas probably needs love to fill that hole
Poor Sora hurting and falling to the ground while Vanitas tells him that Ventus is in his heart
And last but definitely not least! Sora's Kingstagram post on the Vanitas scene where he learns that Ven is in his heart. And at the end of it, after talking about how apparently Ven is in his heart and stuff (I think) he's just like, "Would Riku know?" And the fact that Sora's included Riku in the Kingstagram posts means he was probably thinking about him and the fact he thinks Riku might know these things just... aaaaaaaa brooooo
And now onto Arendelle, home of many a Soriku parallel and where I did a lot of backtracking to save points
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darlingpetao3 · 8 years ago
Text
For Asgard (Chapter 14/?)
There it was again, that “portal feeling” you had felt once before. Like you were floating, and at a fleeting pace. The entire atmosphere around you was as blue as the stone on Loki's sceptre. There's a light shining in front of you, bright as the sun.
Suddenly, your feet come in contact with the hard ground beneath you. Your arrival feels like a hot one as you can feel your forehead beginning to sweat. There is a blue haze surrounding you and funnelling outwards and upwards. Loki has hunched himself over you in full protection mode.
For goodness sake, where were you now?
Wherever it was, it had blinding lights shining right at you, so you couldn't exactly examine the place too well. But you hear carefully placed footsteps...
You both rise slowly to stand straight and take in your new surroundings. Eyes adjusting, it seems to be a giant warehouse or laboratory. There are men staring at you strangely from all points in the room. Some with impressively large artillery.
You dart your eyes over to Loki, who is grinning rather evilly at the onlookers. Then he turns to look at you, that same crazy smile on his face. It's happening. This is apart of his plan. You return an equally devilish smile. These people are about to see just what you two are capable of.
Time to play along.
The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. At least, until one of the men breaks the silence.
“Sir, please put down the spear,” calmly, yet firmly says the man wearing a bizarre black eyepatch and some kind of black leather duster straight out of The Matrix. But then again, you two are wearing odder than normal clothing as well, so who are you to judge, really?
Loki looks at his new toy, held tight in his hand, then to everyone else. You stand there with your hand on your hip, looking at your nails, appearing bored and unimpressed with everything.
He probably shouldn't have said that.
Loki blasts his weapon at Eyepatch, but the man beside him knocks him down and out of the line of fire. Loki leaps down off the platform you were standing on like a predator at a soldier about to shoot at him and stabs him with the pointy end of the sceptre. The soldier yells out in pain.
You spot the other soldiers preparing to shoot at Loki again, but you take control of the situation. Pulling out deadly throwing knives from your hair and letting it loose, you launch them at the men in an attempt to hit your marks: their brachial arteries. One hit in that upper arm area and they will require some serious emergency medical attention. Stat.
It's pure chaos in the warehouse. These men were no match for the power of two fully trained people, plus the power of the sceptre. Bodies fly, hitting the walls and machinery. They drop to the ground after cries of agony. But they were out to get us. We had to defend ourselves. We've come too far to play nice, you repeatedly try to assure yourself.
One man tries to get up, but you dart over to him and hold his arms back while Loki places the sceptre over his chest.
“You have heart,” Loki tells him. The sceptre's stone lights up and the man's eyes turn completely black. Demon-like. It's kind of unnerving, especially knowing that you were in that exact position once... He puts his gun back in its holster. His eyes clearly read he's open to Loki's every order.
“Thank you, darling,” Loki says to you, followed by a kiss.
“My pleasure, babe.” You lean in towards your newly acquired subject. “What's your name, hon?”
“Clint Barton, Miss,” he informs you. “Alias: Hawkeye.”
“I'm sure you'll be an excellent asset to us.”
You and Loki carry on to take over the minds of other pathetic soldiers left standing, but not long into the task, you spot Eyepatch in the distance trying to make a break for it with a glowing blue cube. That does not look good. You bring it to Loki's attention by motioning your head in that direction.
“Please don't,” Loki calls out to Eyepatch. “We still need that.”
“This doesn't have to get any messier,” says Eyepatch definitively.
“Of course it does. We have come too far for anything else. I am Loki of Asgard, and this is The Mistress.” You give a little waggle of your fingers to Eyepatch. “And we are burdened with glorious purpose.”
An older looking man shouts from behind, “Loki, brother of Thor!” You cover your mouth with your hand. Oh no... Don't bring up Thor. Sometimes, during your visits at the compound, Loki would let off steam by ranting about all the things Thor did to ruin his life growing up (though maybe that was a bit dramatic of him). God, you were in love with such a drama queen sometimes. Loki looks absolutely pissed at the comment. He's far more than the “brother of Thor.” And that is the last thing anyone should say to him right now. Loki swallows any and every possible comeback. That must have been hard for him to do.
“We have no quarrel with your people,” Eyepatch tries to level with him.
“An ant has no quarrel with a boot,” Loki points out.
“You planning to step on us?”
“We come with glad tidings of a world made free.”
“Free from what?” Eyepatch doesn't seem all too impressed.
“Freedom. Freedom is life's great lie. Once you accept that, in your heart...” he spins and taps the old man with the sceptre and converts him to your side. Frankly, it serves him right for that Thor comment. “You will know peace.”
“Yeah, you say peace. I kinda think you mean the other thing.”
“Sir, Miss,” says the first man you converted. Shoot, you forgot his name already. Something with a bird in it. Birdman? “Director Fury is stalling. This place is about to blow. Drop a hundred feet of rock on us. He means to bury us.”
“Like the pharaohs of old,” your darkly clad opponent mutters.
You lean over to Birdman. “I knew you'd be helpful,” you commend him. “But how can you be sure-?
“He's right!” the old man calls from behind a computer. “The portal is collapsing in on itself. We've got maybe two minutes before this goes critical.” What is he, a scientist or something?
“Well then,” says Loki, looking to Birdman, who then shoots Eyepatch without hesitation. It's as if he telepathically received the command. Remarkable. The one-eyed man falls to the ground with a thud.
Loki takes your hand and kisses it. “Shall we?”
“We shall. Let's roll out, boys!” you signal. The Scientist grabs the blue cube that hides safely in a briefcase and carries it like it's his security blanket. Birdman leads your squad out of the warehouse and into the vehicle parkade where you come across a lady agent.
“We need these vehicles,” Birdman tells her. Loki helps you into the bed of one of the trucks. He sits down and pats his thigh for you to sit on his lap. You don't have to be told twice.
“Who're they?” you hear the lady agent ask Birdman.
“They didn't tell me,” he replies coolly. She starts to walk away. That was easy. But then a static sounding voice crackles out of her radio. Damn it, it sounds like Eyepatch, and he's warning her. This is not good. Luckily, Birdman shoots at the leggy agent, but she ducks out of the way just in time. Before she even has a good shot at your crew though, Birdman hops into the driver's side and peels out of the parkade followed by a vehicular entourage. Loki holds tightly to you. The adrenaline pumping through you is thrilling and the sensation it brings you is startlingly addictive.
Soon enough though, this agency has got backup sent on your tail, and they are shooting frantically at your vehicle. Loki blasts at them with the sceptre to deter them. It works excellently, causing one of the cars to smash into a wall, flip over, and subsequently act as a barrier to the rest of your pursuers.
“Nice shot, baby,” you praise him. He gives you another peck on the lips. There's something about wild Loki that brings out his affectionate side. You like it.
The Lady Agent, now in her own car, pulls out in front of Birdman from out of freaking nowhere! You suppose this place has a secret tunnel system, that's smart. There's a commotion and gunshot sounds coming from in front of the vehicle, but it's impossible to see from back in the bed of the truck.
A deep rumbling can be felt beneath the ground. It must have to do with the power of the cube somehow. The Tesseract, you remember its name. Holy shit- the tunnel is caving in! The ceiling of rock is crumbling and gaining on your squad. You can do nothing but watch it race your way. Birdman punches the accelerator.
A massive clump of rock breaks from overhead and falls on and in front of Lady Agent's car. A gasp escapes you for some reason. You weren't close to her, you didn't know her. She was after you. Plus, she's probably fine anyway, you tell yourself. At last, you breathe in fresh air from outside upon exiting the tunnel. But now a helicopter flies overtop of the getaway truck. You see the chopper's door slide open and a black leather duster flaps in the wind. Eyepatch. Next thing you know, he's firing at you guys ruthlessly. A bullet cracks the windshield.
Loki motions for you to stand. He hands you the sceptre and shows you how to hold it, his hands resting over yours. He wants you to shoot back? But you don't even know if you can! How does this thing even work? The adrenaline you have been feeling all this time has reached its top notch now, and you don't even think you can contain it, it's so overpowering. Loki runs his hands up from yours to your arms and then sets them on your waist.
“Ready. Aim. Fire,” he commands you. First, you focus on a non-critical area of the helicopter to attack. You don't want any deaths on your hands, now. Serious wounds you'd be okay with. Once you find the right spot, you channel all the built up energy inside of you and the sceptre seems to read your timing. A bright blast shoots up at the chopper. It hits where the tail meets the body of the machine and that sends it spiralling toward the ground. Eyepatch jumps down from the doomed machine, plummeting before it hits the ground. It didn't look like that far of a jump. He shouldn't be too hurt. Not that you particularly care for his safety, that is. But you had to hand it to the guy, he's pretty badass.
The getaway truck speeds away from the destruction. Loki and yourself are breathing hard now. “You were absolutely wonderful, darling,” he praises you. “Come here.” You curl into him, feeling unexpectedly and overly tired. It's like the weapon drained all the energy stored from inside you in order to function. How does Loki possibly manage it? You fall in and out of sleep on the long, cool-aired drive. Before your last stream of consciousness, you thought you heard a set of propellers and engines firing up...
Part 15
Tag List: @gerardwayisapotato, @theloneavenger1995, @magellan-88
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afterspark-podcast · 6 years ago
Text
G1 Episode 11: Transcript
Episode Show Notes
[This can also be found on AO3!]
[Stinger]
O: Him and Megatron have some ginormous blanket.  I don't know who gave that to them.
[Intro Music Plays]
O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast an episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon.  I'm Owls!
S: And I'm Specs!
O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 11:  The Ultimate Doom ~Part 1~.  Let's talk about giant robots today shall we?
S: Yeah!
O: So finally we are to our second three-parter, The Ultimate Doom!
S: In an idyllic village in India a very, very white Rajah with ginger hair is dicking around with a solar array in his palace.
O: Oh eighties, uhh…
S: Yeah…
O: And you, you know what--you know where this is going, right?  It's a solar power thing and who loves themselves some energy?  That's right, Decepticons.
S: And here come the Seekers!
O: And then the Autobots water-ski to the rescue...in car mode.  Yes, really. [laughter]
S: Yeah, it looks like they're just coming across the sound or something?
O: Which, [unintelligible] you would presume they’re coming from the west coast--going to India! [dissolves into laughter]
S: That’s a long ass trip.
O: [still laughing] It’s just like, okay then!  Um, apparently we have Wheeljack to thank for this.
S: Yep, and some of the Autobots are ungrateful for this you know, technological marvel.
O: [loud cough] Sunstreaker buddy--we're looking at you.
S: Cough, cough!  The Autobots arrive at the palace and somehow, and we mean literally somehow, get the Maharaja out of Skywarp’s hands, like Skywarp looks like he's---
O: It looks like floats away or something? I don't know how to describe it!
S: Yeah, it’s like, the way Skywarp is holding the Maharaja it's like his shoulders go up like, a further two feet past his head or something?  It looked really weird and then the Maharaja just like, totally floats out of his hands.
O: And over to Optimus?  Anyway, um, Megatron is watching this all go down on some big-ass view screen with Doctor Arkeville.
S: First time we've seen that dude and also where the hell is that camera placed?
O: Like how are they getting all these views?
S: Well, I mean, I guess the Decepticons do have like, a camera and like, surveillance systems in an earlier episode so at least they know how to do surveillance systems?
O: Right, but in a palace in India?
S: True!  I don’t know, heck, maybe--maybe they seeded cameras around or some place, I don’t know.
O: Did they--did they like, toss Rumble in there to wire up security footage or something?
S: I feel like Reflector would be the more--
O: You're right, you’re right--my brain was going, “What Minibots do we have?” and Rumble and Frenzy were the only humanoid ones that were coming to my head, but you're absolutely right Reflector would be a better choice for this.
S: Except I don't think he can broadcast, who knows!  Actually, I'm pretty sure that Laserbeak can broadcast.
O: Yes.
S: We see that in the movie don't we?
O: Well we see it in a couple other places.  Anyway!  So my favorite part about all this, is that this fiasco is called, “Operation Guinea Pig,” apparently!
S: How--does Megatron know what a guinea pig is!?!  Who gave him the primer on children's pets?
O: [barely suppressed laughter] Specs!  Specs!  The words, “Operation Guinea Pig,” came out of Megatron--commander the Decepticons’ mouth--multiple times!
S: Maybe Arkeville just pulled out a dictionary of like, common things to use in science experiments and guinea pigs happened.
O: [laughter]  I don’t care--I just got to hear Megatron say, “guinea pig,” so many times in this episode it was great!  Anyway, Megatron orders Soundwave, who's just standing out front of the Ark for some freaking reason to get their test subject.
S: So this goes back to the Autobots lack of you know, security measures or surveillance because how the hell does no one notice him!?!  He's just literally standing--
O: He’s literally standing out there.
S: He’s just like hanging out, chillin, right in front of the Ark in broad daylight.  It’s so dumb.  It’s so dumb.
O: So, Soundwave ejects Rumble.  Rumble books it into the base and then pile drives the hell out of the floor to try to get the Autobots’ attention.
S: This, this works.
O: To a degree.
S: Yeah, and Soundwave then ejects Ravage who also seems to be here for distracting the Autobots because apparently they need like a three-prong strike for this?
O:  Yes.  So lastly, Laserbeak gets ejected and goes through the top of the volcano and into the Ark.
S: Well, the Autobots need doors--apparently they don't have them, but whatever.  And while Rumble and Ravage are busy being distracting and Spike and Sparkplug are cheering for the Autobots during this fight Laserbeak descends from the heavens and grabs Sparkplug and swoops the hell off with him.
O: Spike is saddened by the sudden development of the loss of his father.
S: Well you know any teenage boy would be, probably.
O: Maybe?
S: Well he seems like he has a good relationship with his dad.
O: Yeah, they do actually, so yes.
S: Yeah.  Meanwhile back in India the fighting has like, profusely damaged the surrounding palace like, there's just random holes in places.
O: And cracks.  Yeah.
S: Yeah.  I'm not really seeing any like, scorch marks or anything, or at least I don't remember seeing them, but yeah whatever--the place is badly damaged the solar array is probably, you know--
O: Kaput.
S: Yeah.
O: Megatron recalls his troops after Operation Guinea-Pig is successful.
S: The Autobots remain confused until Optimus Prime's boobs begin to glow because…
O: Well--
S: Warning boobs.
O: Well Megatron had glowing boobs a few episodes ago, right?  Clearly Prime was jealous and he had a set installed himself.
S: Yeah, so they're warned that the Ark was attacked while they were tangoing with the Seekers.
O: Back at the Decepticons’ underwater base Laserbeak returns with Sparkplug.
S: And so like, okay I just want to note this--cuz I think it's kind of neat how much control Laserbeak has like, they’re going down an elevator and Laserbeak stays perfectly stable in the center of this elevator while he's flying holding Sparkplug.
O: It’s because Laserbeak is amazingly competent!
S: He is!
O: As are most of Soundwave’s cassettes, thank you this has been my TED talk.
S: Yep, and then Skywarp and Starscream totally bicker like Mean Girls while Thundercracker just, you know, stands by himself in the corner. You know, you try to avoid--
O: He wants to avoid the drama.
S: Yeah.
O: Sparkplug tries to make a break for it and begin smashing everything on a computer console that's nearby.
S: Well, you know button mashing--it fixes everything.  Percussive maintenance it's totally a thing.  Even if, you know, you're trying to like, escape your kidnappers.
O: Are we gonna talk about if that's his method I don't want him working on the Autobots? [laughter]
S: Well, at this point he’s been kidnapped, he doesn't want to help Decepticons, so…
O: True.
S: Like, he just wants to fuck their shit up.
O: True.  Naturally this does nothing and he's restrained into a chair as Dr. Evil himself installs a computer chip behind his ear.
S: Like there's no glue or anything?  It's just like stuck there...staying there through the power of EVIL!
[laughter]
S: No it’s weird, it’s like, does he have a slot behind his ear for that to go in?
O: All I know is that the Doc seems very confident as Megatron espouses about creating, “A new race of slaves!”
S: Meanwhile, Shockwave calls to tell Megatron his new space bridge is almost ready.
O: I'm sensing a pattern here Shockwave.  You've got to get a better job, dude!
S: Unfortunately, he's stuck being the elevator guy in this continuity.  That's like his--his job.
O: Yeah.  Pretty much.  Doc turns on the computer chip and reveals it to be a mind-control device.
S: And to test--to test this Megatron, he like opens a door that apparently no one else has looked behind?
[laughter]
S: And like, produces a perfect life-size replica of Optimus Prime from this handy-dandy closet that, as I said before, no one has checked out.
O: Okay.  Can we stop for a moment talk about how Megatron has a perfect replica of Optimus Prime stashed away here handily close by and furthermore that this isn't the only time we'll see that he has something like this in this series?
[laughter]
S: Megatron has a thing.
O: Megatron, definitely has a fucking thing.
S: For Optimus.
O: [laughing] He definitely does!
S: Considering that yeah, there's--
O:  There’s this, there's like an Optimus Prime suit Starscream is wearing which--don't even get me--don’t even get me started on the implications of that!
S: Yeah, and there's a bit where they actually get Optimus Prime, dismantle him and stick his arm on top of a tower and construct the rest of his body into a goddamn alligator.
O: I wish I could tell you we're kidding, but we're not!
S: We're really not.  The arm is shooting into a crowd screaming Autobots below.  That’s actually a line from a piece of fanfiction that I thought was just really funny….yeah.  Let’s get back on topic!
O: Yeah.  Anyway, the doctor orders Sparkplug to take out Optimus.
S: This gives Sparkplug...super strength, because apparently he just you know, decks this 30-foot tall robot replica like, by punching it in the foot or whatever and totally knocking him down. Or breaking him apart?  Or like he grabs the foot and…
O: Regardless, clearly something's going on here or this robot replica is made out of tinfoil, pick one.
S: I wouldn't be surprised, I mean, considering that the Decepticons are actually surprisingly good at making weirdly lifelike fakes of things that then fall apart.
O: True.
S: Maybe it’s paper mache?
O: [snorts] Okay, okay but what you're telling me--because clearly no one helped him make this if they didn’t know it was there--
S: [laughing]
O: --is that Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, was busy making a paper mache copy of Optimus Prime in his spare time, that has been lovingly crafted in such a way that it looks exactly like Optimus Prime, is in fact painted like Optimus Prime, and has working optics, like Optimus Prime!
S: And walks.
O: And walks!  That’s what I mean he moves!
[laughter]
S: Sorry, I'm just imagining Megatron sending someone out to get what, flour, water, glue--
O: Newspaper?
S: [laughing] Yeah...god.
O: [terrible Megatron impression] “Soundwave, send me Frenzy right away!”
S: Oh god, and then we'd go back to the library thing--like someone would’ve had to provide him with arts and crafts instructions.
[laughter]
O: Yeah, pretty much.
S: Let’s get back on topic.
O: Meanwhile, the Autobots meet on top of a steep cliff overlooking the ocean where Optimus, Sunstreaker, Jazz, Wheeljack, Gears and Bumblebee dive in.
S: [sighs] And then Brawn, Windcharger, and Cliffjumper split off and start drilling, underground because apparently we need a two-pronged assault.
O: Brawn just pulls the drill out of his engine compartment for this???
S: With three question marks for this cuz that was super weird and where the hell did it come from Brawn?
O: The Autobots are dis--so the Autobots in the ocean are detected by a Decepticon scanner.
S: As I said earlier the Decepticons totally have security cameras. Apparently they're the only ones who have actually, you know cottoned on to security being a thing.
O: Apparently. [laughs] Uh, Optimus’s group gets blasted by a fusion cannon as Megatron casually steps out from behind a rock.
S: And yet another underwater fight ensues.  The three drilling bots come up from the ocean floor.
O: This confuses me, why would they come up here and not just underneath and into the Decepticon base directly?
S: It's--it's silly, it's really silly.
O: Or at least that's how the animation like, the animation makes it look like the Decepticon base is on the open--the ocean floor, but when they come up it's not?  And they come up underneath the Decepticon base and isn't flush to the ocean floor.  I kind of feel like it just is really inconsistent between the shots?
S:  Well--the Decepticon base has like multiple areas and levels, considering it looks like they made like an entire city down there?
O: Yeah, but you’d think they’d enter through an area that is flush to the ocean floor then.
S: It would make sense but the people writing this episode...were not thinking sensibly, let's go with that.
O: [laughing]
S: It's silly, let's go with that, let's go with the fact that it's silly and let it go and--
O: [singing Let it Go from Frozen] Let it go--
S: [singing Let it Go from Frozen] Let it go, let it go, or so--whatever.
O: [laughing]
S: God. [sighs] In the base Starscream and the doctor are arguing with the doctor threatening to, “Reprogram you into a trash compactor!”
O: Which I'd love to see. Cliffjumper’s glass gas makes a lightsaber sound effect when it's used here and Cliffjumper used this right where Starscream was a--standing apparently, as two seconds later Starscream falls through the floor and out into the ocean.
S: Which is really hilarious.
O: It is. He's like mid argument with--with Dr. Evil here.
S: And like, he just falls down and there's a splash and then the Autobots just climb up?
O: You would think they would’ve like, had to past each other or something.  Uh, anyway the Autobots play pass the human as they pick up Sparkplug after entering the base.
S: And then just you know totally take him out into deep water he's...yeah, he's totally gonna die? Cuz I mean, uhh--I’ve forgotten the word, ah--
O: Bends?
S: Yes!  I keep wanting to say deep vein thrombosis, and that’s not what I want.
O: The bends!  He’s gonna die from the bends.
S: Well also, you know, being underwater for however long.
O: Eh, not if they get him to the top quickly.
S: Well--
O: Seriously, I feel like, Ratchet needs like sit down and have like a conference with all the Autobots and explain how fragile their squishies are.
S: Yes, cuz the thing is, getting him up there fast is more of a danger to--with the bends.  Uh, taking a slow time means he's gonna drown.
[laughter]
O: Well, pick your poison?
S: It’s--well maybe they can get a hyperbaric chamber or something that they can you know slowly, slowly do the pressure whatever.
O: Yeah.
S: I don't know let's get back to this.  Instead of me being like, worried about sensible stuff.
O: [laughs] Sense?  Here?  Never!  So at the Ark, the bots are all getting fixed up after that fight.
S: And Spike notices something is wrong with Sparkplug.
O: And now the Decepticons are here...suddenly.
S: The Decepticons just literally blasted a hole in the wall with no one noticing so I guess...the medbay is in the part of the Ark that sticks out?
O: Apparently.
S: I don’t know.
O: Megs comes in and shoots Prime at point-blank range in the chest.  I feel like he should be dead, he's not.  Um, they also do make a point of saying that something must be wrong with Teletraan 1 for the Decepticons to have gotten in this way and given that all the bots’ weapons malfunction in the next shot, it's a pretty safe bet that Sparkplug has sabotaged the shit out of everything.
S: It seems like he has literally had--been the most effective Decepticon agent in this entire series, though Nightbird does make...Nightbird is actually very good at what she does in her one episode.
O: We’ll get to her later. [chuckles]
S: But yeah, Sparkplug is so far the most competent Decepticon agent here.
O: Bumblebee then tells Spike to hide.  Spike proceeds to trip over absolutely nothing, or rather an invisible wrench if the next shot is to be believed.
S: Where the hell is Dr. Arkeville getting these camera feeds from!?!  He's getting close-ups of Spike during all this which A) is creepy, B) did someone just send you know, flying pinhole cameras in there?
O: [laughter]  Who knows?
S: Spike tries to reason with his dad but you know, this fails cuz poor Sparkplug is still under the mind-controlled power of evil Shaggy here.
O: Yes.  We do have Casey Kasem doing yet another voice as Dr. Arkeville.
S: There's a surprising number of Scooby-Doo actors in this show.
O: Yeah, we’ve gone through that.
S: Yeah.
O: Regardless, Spike fixes Teletraan by shoving a wrench into the open panel?
S: It-it vanishes?  Just you know, it becomes one with the machine after this, it’s--
O: That's what cyber shit--that's how Cybertronian tech works, right?
S: I guess?
O: This--
S: I don’t know.
O: Getting Teletraan 1 back on activates the fire suppression system but this apparently could short out the Decepticon circuits...for some reason?
S: Ah, they just pulled it out of their ass but I mean it would have to be a pretty proactive system to cope with Wheeljack’s normal shenanigans.
O: True, but shorting out their circuits seems a touch excessive, and also why wouldn't this affect the Autobots in the same way?  Also, also why would it not just be water--they were in the ocean and all perfectly fine two minutes ago!
S: Well, this might be something that's specifically constructed to deal with like--
O: Fires?
S: I don’t know, fire or--
O: Or like, chemical fires?
S: Combustible ener--yes.
O: Okay.
S: Combustible energy or something?
O: That’s fair.
S: Cuz, well, I've also seen some particular pieces of fanfiction that like, focus on the differences between Autobot and Decepticon construction, though I haven't seen a whole lot of that and it was mainly one piece of fanfiction that I should probably throw at you--though it does deal with an original character.
O: Eh.
S: So that--it was--it was pretty neat.  So it could be something that specifically focuses on Decepticons or one specific aspect of like, their construction or something.
O: Fair.
S: I don't know.  It's an idea.  The Decepticons retreat uh, and possessed Sparkplug attempts to take Spike with them but Spike refuses, you know.
O: “When--when next we meet we are enemies!” [laughter]
S: Yeah, Sparkplug delivers that line like--there's a surprising amount of passion in the line?
O: [laughter]
S: For a man who is basically being mind-controlled, [sigh] yeah.
O: Spike looks super dejected after this.
S: Badly drawn and dejected. Actually, no I feel like I need another D-word in there so we can have more alliteration but I can't think of anything.
O: Badly drawn, down, and dejected.
S: Yeah, thank you!  The Decepticons have apparently hijacked some huge ass satellite dishes with the intent to space bridge Cybertron to Earth. Okay, they're not exactly satellite dishes?  They’re those big like, antenna dishes or whatever.
O: Yeah, but they look like how you would think satellite dishes look like but they're just huge.
S: Yeah, it's just whenever someone says satellite dishes it makes me think of an actual satellite.
O: Oh, no.
S: Sorry, that’s the first image that comes to mind.
O: Ah, so I had like--I had uh, satellite growing up like, for TV--
S: Yeah.
O: --and there are just little satellite dishes that sit in your yard.
S: Okay.
O: So that's what I think of only you know, huge!
S: Okay.
O:  Um--and now you know where the--that plot from the Bay movie came from!  It came from this.
S: It’s pretty much lifted exactly from this--
O: Pretty much.
S:  --three parter episodes.
O: In some--on some levels.
S: Yeah, and Dr. Arkeville is apparently a tad pissed that Megatron is planning on destroying the Earth with this move, cuz you know what Megatron didn't tell Dr. Arkeville when he was promising him Earth?  That he was planning on fucking shit up on Earth.
O: I mean...it's the very Megatron move let's be honest here.
S: It is, it is.
O: So back at the Autobot base they use Teletraan to triangulate where the Decepticons have wandered off to reaching the conclusion the Decepticons have created a fucking ginormous space bridge.
S: And the Autobots show up at the Decepticons’ location but Megatron presents a ton of human slaves ac--that he's acquired, and the Autobots like, totally stop their attack in fear of endangering the humans because you know they're Autobots, gotta save the humans.
O: They gotta do the right thing.
S: And the humans...okay I know it's the perspective and like, it was the easiest way to draw it, but the humans come sauntering out of this building like a freaking chorus line.
O: [laughter]
S: Like, they're coming out sort of--they're walking sideways and they're like…ugh.
O: They're all moving in synch, right--because they're all being mind-controlled.
S: Yeah, because it's basic--I'm pretty sure it's basically just one figure that got animated and then they copied it.
O: Yes.
S: So it’s all on the same timing--
O: So it looks like a chorus line!
S: It really does--it actually makes me think of the musical, “The Chorus Line,” or, “A Chorus Line,” um, yeah, sorry that's the first damn thing that I thought of when we saw this bit.
O: Regardless, Megatron clearly has no such reservations on the fear of killing humans as he fires on Prime.
S: Hey, they’re--he has literally declared that they're just slaves to him so--
O: Pretty much.
S: --he’s evil and of course he doesn't care because he's an evil, giant robot from outer space, yeah.  The doctor orders the human slaves to attack the Autobots.
O: Which they do.  With sticks and rocks.
S: God, are we at World War 3 yet?
O: I dunno. [laughter]
S: I guess we are, I don’t know.  The Autobots try to carefully step around the humans to avoid hurting them.
O: And Spike manages to get through to Sparkplug for a few seconds until the doctor ups the power on his hypno chip.
S: This is actually pretty freaky.  It really is  It’s just like fod what effect is it actually having on Sparkplug’s brain or any of the other human’s brains?
O: Yeah, like is it frying his brain?  Is Sparkplug, like watching all this perfectly con--you know, conscious?
S: Yeah, and uh, Sparkplug and Thundercracker activate two of the satellites which leaves us with one more to go.
O: Uh-huh!
S: And Optimus follows Megatron with Megatron kicking him down a mountain and Optimus’s head slamming into a rock.
O: So--we're just gonna go when he sustains a fucking head injury here because he's about to make some very bad, dumb, no good decisions.
S: They're terrible.
O: They're very bad. [laughter]
S: Megatron reached the control panel for the third and final--we must emphasize, final satellite to activate the space bridge but Optimus tackles him from behind.
O: And then back to those no good, very bad decisions on Optimus’s part.  Megatron says if they don't bridge Cybertron here it will be destroyed, so Optimus has to pick between Cybertron or the Earth.  Optimus presses the third button himself and then seemingly regrets it instantly.
S: You made a stupid ass decision Optimus.
O: [laughter] Yes, yes you fucking did!
S: And so, Cybertron is teleported near Earth it's like, super freakin’ tiny compared to our planet like--it's like, Pluto-sized or something?
O: Which leads me to think, no wonder they were fighting over resources when they were all on Cybertron if it's that tiny!
S: Yeah, it's like, the Bay movie of makes more sense scalewise, I think?
O: It does actually.
S: But I mean they probably had a hell of lot more money.
O: True.
S: And so Megatron proclaims victory, Optimus questions his life choices (as he should),and the episode cuts.
O: So, join us next time for The Ultimate Doom Part 2, as natural disasters threaten the planet Earth and Spike takes a field trip to Cybertron to reconnect with his father.
S: It sounds like a good father-son trip--
O: [laughter]
S: --though maybe not under these circumstances.
O: True!
S: I mean, Spike did say he wanted to go to Cybertron.
O: He did! Alright Specs, what are our fanfics for today?
S: Alright, so today we have three pieces of fanfiction in our selection.
The first one is--it's actually a His Dark Materials alternate universe where, um, the humans have daemons, the Transformers do not.  Uh, so the title is, “You Say Spark, I Say Soul,” and the author is sgri_sgri and that is spelled S-G-R-I underscore S-G-R-I.  Ah, it's cartoon continuity, but as I said in AU, rated T.  It's Gen, there aren't any pairings.  Our characters here are: Sparkplug Witwicky, Spike Witwicky, the Autobots, the Decepticons, Chip Chase and Dr. Arkeville.
In summary: “ “What's it like?” Spike asked Bumblebee when the two of them were enjoying a quiet moment on the ridges around the ark, “Having a soul on the inside?”  As if the small squishy organics and the giant metal robots weren't different enough already.  It's a His Dark Materials AU.”
And so our character and theme recs for this uh--or theme recs from this episode are:  Basically I wanted something that was Spike and Sparkplug-centric, considering that basically Sparkplug is mind controlled for the entire thing and Spike is very unhappy about this and I wanted something that was maybe less like that, but also this cover--this piece of fanfiction covers like, from the very beginning of the series through, uh--actually the three parter that we're currently going through right now.
O: Oh.
S: So it does actually cover this.  And our next one is “Shoot Out,” by ladydragon76.  It's G1 cartoon, rated T, Gen--no pairings and our characters are a Bluestreak and Preceptor.  And in summary:  “Who is the better crack shot, Bluestreak or Preceptor?” And honestly I just wanted something silly and light for this one and it's a one shot.
Also, I forgot the Spike and Sparkplug one, “You Say Spark I Say Soul,” is also a one shot.  Uh, I should note in, “Shoot Out,” Preceptor and Bluestreak are drunk. [laughter]
O: [laughter]
S: It’s kinda great.
O: It sounds great!
S: Um-hmm, it's also pretty short.  So our third selection today is, “2014 Tiny Treats #12, Decepticon AU edition.”  The author is eerian_sadow, it--continuity-wise it's a G1 AU, it's rated T, Gen, and there aren't any pairings.  Our characters are: Megatron, Starscream, Skyfire and Chromia.  
And in summary:  “A Canon AU where the Ark and Nemesis still crashed on Earth, but only the Decepticons woke up.  It's a story told in 12 microfics.” So it's really, really short, since they're basically like, one or two-sentence microfics apiece.
O: Um-hm.
S: And like, the--the theme or rec for this--or character or theme for this, was dark AU in light of what Cybertron would have done to earth.  Which seemed fitting.
O: It did--it does.
S: And so, yeah, it's a microfic so it's very, very short but it's actually very affecting because it's so short.
O: Mm-hmm.
S: And some of the stuff that it talks about, so thank you those are our fanfiction recommendations.  I believe we have fan art?
O: Yes we do!  Our fanart recommendation for today is Nicolas Kelsch. Kelsch?  Kilsch?
S: I guess?
O: Nicolas Kelsch is what I'm gonna go with, sorry if I'm mispronouncing that.  This person is no longer an active artist but you can check out their work via the Wayback Machine and their DeviantART page.  They did a variety of things for multiple iterations of the franchise most of, uh, the stuff on their actual website are sprites. Like, you know, little pixelated sprites.  Personally, I really enjoyed their Beast Wars sprites, because truly there is not enough Dinobot in the world to satisfy me.
Uh, we are going to link to their--their old DeviantART as well as the Wayback Machine version of their website.  I do recommend checking them out cuz we won't be able to actually post any of their work because it's not on Tumblr so we can't reblog it.
S: Mm-hmm.
O: But yeah, I-I really like the Beast Wars stuff because I want more Beast Wars stuff in my life.
S: Yeah, it was actually pretty common back in the day for people to use his sprites as like, little icons on forums.
O: Mmm, that makes sense.
S: Yeah, but yeah, I'm really glad that I showed this to you cuz I thought you'd get a kick out of this work.
O: I did--it's like, I dunno, I like, the really tiny Dinobots they crack me up.
S: They are, it's nice seeing the little tiny sprites of characters that aren't necessarily well-known.
O: Yeah, cuz it seemed like he did more stuff based off the toys than like, the shows per se, so you get some ones you don't normally see which is kind of neat.  And he also actually had sprites made for the prequel comic that was made for Beast Wars which was really cool cuz there's like hardly any work for that so I was pretty excited.
S: And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, Stitcher, and Youtube just to name a few.
O: You can also find us on iTunes and Google Play now!  So we're also there, which is really crazy and I can't believe they're on there but I'm so excited.
S: It's because Owls is a boss.
O: [laughter] Thank you!
S: So yeah, until next time, I'm Specs!
O: And I’m Owls!
S: Toodles!
[Outro Music Plays]
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yetanotherbuffyblog · 8 years ago
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Demon assassin!
I had some trouble with my computer playing the DVD from the library. See, sometimes my computer won’t recognize discs in the drive. And sometimes it will, but it won’t play them on one media player so I’ve got to go with another. It’s bloody frustrating, it is.
But I did manage to get it to work, even if the computer had to freak out a couple of times first.
Oh right so I’m doing a two-parter. This is going to take a lot of recapping. Uh...okay. So.
[takes a deep breath]
We begin with Riley and Buffy having a happy start of a serious relationship, which means everyone’s kind of left out of their happy bubble. So Anya, Willow and Xander are playing poker in Xander’s basement, and with a random comment about spanking from Anya (TMI ANYA TMI), Willow feels a bit like she’s third-wheeling.
Buffy during this time is actually not on an official date, though; she’s being tested by the Initiative, and she passes with flying colors. Because of her skillz, Buffy is officially let in, and gets a tour of the facility and security clearance. She asks a bunch of questions and acts less-than-professional though, annoying Walsh. Oh, and we see what’s in room 314 even if Buffy doesn’t (she doesn’t have that clearance): a human/demon/cyborg thing that Walsh calls ‘Adam.’
That has ‘TERRIBLE PLAN’ written all over it.
Spike is being hunted by the Initiative for being a runaway (“Hostile 17” they call him), and they find him, but he escapes. Except they hit him with a tracker so they can find him later.
Willow’s not thrilled with the Initiative, nor with Buffy bringing new Initiative friends along to their friend date at the Bronze. During this they get called to go deal with a demon, and after they tag-team the demon, Buffy and Riley go make some whoopie. Willow, annoyed, goes off and meets Tara. Apparently hanging out all night. Huh.
And Walsh watches Riley and Buffy through planted cameras, which is ten kinds of weird.
Spike runs to Giles’s house for shelter because he’s a wuss. Sadly Riley is called to lead a squad to hunt down “Hostile 17,” while Walsh decides that Buffy’s too much of a hazard, asking too many questions and clouding her best agent (Riley), so she plots to have her killed while Riley’s out. She tells her to do some sort of routine check-up on a reported hostile, only for her to be ambushed, her stun gun to malfunction, and her locked in a room with two demons. Of course, she being a Slayer, she takes them out.
The Scoobies take the tracer out of Spike and they flush it, so Riley’s squad loses the lead. Riley comes back, and Walsh tells her Buffy is dead, rushing off on a mission on her own. Except then Buffy takes the spy camera that fell off her on the fight, and declares she knows that Walsh tried to kill her and she’s pissed. That episode seems like it’s going to end with her going to Giles’s house and declaring that none of them are safe.
But nope! Walsh is in room 314 trying to work out how to fix the situation, how Riley can be persuaded to be okay with her trying to kill Buffy, and how Adam will fix everything. Except Adam wakes up and kills her with the arm of the demon Buffy and Riley took down now grafted onto him.
Oops.
PART DEUCE!
Buffy tells the gang that Walsh tried to kill her. Riley comes in and tries to make sense of what’s going on, only to turn slightly hostile upon seeing Spike and recognizing him as Hostile 17. If Buffy’s sheltering a vampire, what else could she be hiding? They go separate ways, but Buffy’s gang hides out in Xander’s basement (which Giles is NOT happy about).
Then the Initiative finds out about Walsh’s assassination. Riley is informed while talking to his friend Forrest about Walsh trying to kill Buffy (Riley tends to side with Buffy, though he’s confused; Forrest thinks maybe Buffy did something wrong and had it coming). Upon seeing Walsh’s body, Forrest thinks Buffy did it. Riley thinks it’s probably the demon they caught earlier having escaped and puts a squad together to go find it.
And Adam goes and murderizes some kid. Charming fellow.
While Buffy’s investigating, she runs into Riley a couple of times. At first it seems like he’s pretty tightly wound about everything that’s happened, and asks if she’s happy about Walsh’s death (which of course, Buffy isn’t). When Buffy goes to that demon bar place that hasn’t shown up in a while, Riley shows up and gets all itchy because, you know, monsters all over and Buffy’s not fighting them. But he’s all shaky and pulls a gun.
Turns out there’s something seriously wrong with him.
They take him to the Xander Cave, while Xander and Buffy sneak back into Initiative HQ to find some answers. They corner head scientist guy, and find out that the agents are unknowingly given some sort of steroids to make them smarter and stronger--Riley’s going through severe withdrawal. Riley himself arrives, having left the Xander Cave.
Oh and then Adam shows up.
Crap salad!
Adam reveals what he is, and that he’s...well that he’s crazy, but that he has records and personal files that Walsh made. She thought of both Riley and Adam as her crowning achievements, shaping them to be her personal...I dunno, surrogate sons? Adam calls her mother which is weird. Anyhow, they fight, Adam kills head scientist guy, and injures Adam. When the commandos show up, Buffy and Xander can leave, but Riley is taken to an Initiative medical facility, and Buffy is unable to visit him.
And Adam’s still out there somewhere.
Right that was a lot. NOTES!
-According to TV Tropes, Maggie Walsh was going to be the Big Bad of the season, but the actress got cast in a movie or something and had to be written out somehow. And you know TV writers: murder is the simplest solution!
-I’m a bit iffy on Adam as a Big Bad though. He’s...I’m not sure. He’s kind of a downgrade from the Mayor. He’s a good villain, but he’s not in charge of anything. Maybe that’ll change as the season goes on.
-And OF COURSE the Initiative pumps its agents full of steroids! Why the eff not?? What sketchiness will we find out about them next?
-Was that old lady Riley pulled a gun on in the demon bar actually a vampire/monster? It’s not clear. She doesn’t transform or anything. Riley himself says he doesn’t know if it’ll kill her if he pulls the trigger.
-Spike is beaten up by demons because he’s “making war on other demons” and demons killing demons is...bad? Like, if it were him fighting demons for a cause, I get it, hanging out with the Slayer and all. But the demon refuses to kill Spike because that’s against their rules or something. Which...seems stupid. We’ve seen demons kill other demons all the time. It’s not a rule. I mean if it is now, it’s a clear retcon.
-Alright why did Walsh want to kill Buffy? It seems like they wrote it as Buffy was asking too many questions and she thought Buffy was a distraction for Riley. But it’s pretty...well, they basically try to kill her after her first day, and we see no sign that Riley’s actually any worse because of his relationship with Buffy. Seems like a bit of rushed plot to me, but whattaya gonna do?
-Also, the way she tries to kill Buffy shows how little she actually paid attention to her. She locks her in a room with two demons? Who have axes? Please. You’ve seen her fight. Maybe Walsh assumes that Buffy’s stories about her own exploits are exaggerations? It’s still stupid. If you want to kill someone, friggin’ kill them. There are so many ways to have gotten that done that would have been less risky. Rush job all around.
-The tracker would have been harder to identify if it hadn’t been blinking. Really, guys, stop making trackers blink. I know it’s easier for the audience to figure out what it is, but it’s also easy for the characters.
-The Polgara demons and Adam have a spike thing in their wrist? Basically it’s like an organic Hidden Blade and I think that’s kewl. So maybe I should start yelling “ASSASSINATE!” every time Adam stabs someone. Or play this sound.
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  -Have Tara and Willow slept together? It’s unclear. Are we supposed to believe that she spent the entire night casting spells? And the TV Tropes recap points out that Willow’s sweater is inside out when she gets back to the dorm room. So…. 
-Riley does mention his “vitamins” but are those the steroids? If so that’s a really obvious way to administer them, but I guess it’s the simplest way to get them to him without accidentally serving them to the wrong person in the cafeteria or something. Still, wouldn’t there be a lot of red flags if you join a branch of the military, and then they hand you some vitamins and demand that you take them daily?
-Xander’s idea to flush the tracer was actually… a really good idea. Smashing it might be too difficult, and they’d still know the general area to look in. Carrying it around would make Xander a target, and outrunning the commandos would be a huge risk. There weren’t any moving trains or things like that nearby, so sticking them there would be too difficult too.
-How many times are we going to bring up the whole ‘Xander was a soldier in that one episode’ thing? Anya lampshades how weird it is that it comes in handy so often.
-Buffy asks what the Polgara demon is after, and the Initiative seems to think that the monster’s just...a stupid animal. Which is stupid. Clearly these demons can talk and communicate and have specific patterns of behavior??? They have bars??? Why would you think they’re not of human-level intelligence???
-Is it just me, or do the guns that the Initiative commandos use look...so fake? Outside of the handguns, maybe, they don’t feel like real guns. It’s weird.
-Spike points out that Buffy’s got terrible taste in men. Although Riley isn’t so bad, and Angel wasn’t bad until he evilified. So basically it’s better than Xander’s taste in women. Seriously, will Anya do anything useful???
-Willow and Tara’s spell is to conjure the goddess Thespia. I don’t know jack about Wicca, but Thespia is a very minor Greek goddess/nymph? Her domain is a specific well. She’s...like a nobody on the divine stage.
-Riley tries desperately to paint Walsh as a brilliant scientist changing the world, but...like, I’m getting Angelopolis flashbacks because at this point it’s pretty clear that she was a Mad Scientist and the whole operation was crazy from the start. I realize that it’s meant to be Riley struggling with his entire world coming out from under his feet so I don’t blame him as much. At least the Initiative didn’t cut as many corners as Jurassic Park.
-Is the Initiative going to get a new leader? Is it going to be someone who isn’t off their rocker? Find out next time!
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bellabooks · 8 years ago
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“Pretty Little Liars” recap S7 Ep16: The Glove that rocks the cradle
Previously on Pretty Little Liars, Spencer got caught on Candid Camera, Paige went off to become Iowa’s Most Eligible Lesbian, and Mona fell in mad passionate love with an evil board game. We open with sweet Officer Barry interrogating Spencer at the police station, which is like a literal lamb interrogating Hannibal Lecter. This dude has no idea what he’s in for. He questions Spencer about that night at the Radley, but she admits to nothing except her steamy elevator hook-up with Marco. Marco rolls in trying to reason with her, but Spencer is in no mood for his good cop shenanigans. He tells her she has 48 hours before he has the signed receipt and a warrant for her arrest. I ate Sara Harvey with fava beans and a nice Chianti but she still tasted like shower water.   Aria is still taking calls from A.D., and dodges Ezra when he tries to book dance lessons for the two of them. Ezra also wants to talk about the press tour for the book, but Aria is too busy arguing with her digital alter ego to listen. Speaking of the book, editor Jillian is in town to prep Ezra for the tour. Her notes: talk up his reunion with Nicole and ditch Aria. Meanwhile, Emily is in full nesting mode and has built a nursery for her and Ali’s baby. She found baby clothes and furniture in the attic, which are surely stuffed with money, secrets, dead bodies, or ALL OF THE ABOVE. Why is Emily so ready to move into Ali’s house? Her first girlfriend was buried under the damn gazebo in the back yard!  I also found some international flight tickets and some riddles stuffed in a doll’s head, but they just didn’t match my color scheme.   Spencer tells the Liars about her drunken mistake at Radley, and Hanna is immediately upset. They hatch a plan to break into the Radley bar and steal the receipt before Marco can get it. Good thing Caleb built the Radley security system all by himself! Remember when Wren was a regular, and he was literally every doctor in Rosewood? Caleb is like that, only he’s Mr. Robot for every computer within a five mile radius. The only thing he can’t crack is Hanna, who is convinced she’s getting busted and going to jail for running down Rollins. She also feels guilty about the Spencer/Caleb love triangle, and thinks that Spencer got drunk because Caleb broke her heart.  How is A.D. both a super genius and the most trifling person in Rosewood all at the same time?   Just then, the board game whirs to life and tells Hanna to go pick up a hard drive from a computer repair shop. It also tells her that prison food will make her fat, because A.D. is never not on brand with the fat jokes. Aria also gets a text from A.D. with a game just for her. The next morning, Spencer and Emily build a crib together and discuss the Emison of it all. Spencer warns Emily not to put all her lesbian eggs in Ali’s basket, except A.D. did literally that exact thing. Emily remains optimistic as ever about Ali’s intentions, but Spencer is dubious.  Emily, are you sure you can support a baby on a swim coach’s salary?  Is it bad that I get paid in whistles and Speedos?   Hanna picks up the hard drive and Caleb plugs it into their laptop. The only file on the drive is a Patsy Cline song, “You Belong to Me,” which was played in the dollhouse. Caleb still thinks Lucas is behind everything, but Hanna refuses to believe ill of him, citing his fake alibi as evidence of his loyalty. Speaking of loyalty, Spencer rolls up to Marco’s apartment, hoping to charm him out of pressing charges. After all, it’s worked on literally every other cop in Rosewood. Marco is in no mood and sends her away, but not before she can steal a thumb drive with Lucas’s name on it. Never change, girl.  I’m here to seduce you into acquitting me but I’ll also settle for some petty thievery.   The Liars gather to see what was on the thumb drive, and they aren’t that shocked to see Lucas recant his entire testimony and admit he was lying to the cops. Spencer freaks out about her impending arrest, while Hanna stubbornly refuses to admit that Lucas might be a shitty guy. Luckily, Aria brought receipts and reminds Hanna that Lucas A) destroyed Ali’s memorial B) ran errands for A and C) my personal favorite: Didn’t you whack Lucas so hard in the face with an oar that he fell out of a row boat? Oh My God Aria, that was ONE time!   A.D. summons Hanna to drop off the hard drive in a locker at Rosewood High. Ali and Emily agree to spy on the locker, but first they have to argue about Ali’s breakfast and her neo-natal vitamins. Emily worries that Ali will flake out on being a mom, which is a legitimate fear when your co-parent can just steal someone’s face, pop on a wig, and fly her own damn plane anywhere she pleases. Ugh, I miss that Ali so much. She was like Wonder Woman but with severe emotional problems. Mona pops in on Hanna and finds her flustered and lying about the hard drive. Mona tells her that she’s ready to play the game, but balks when she finds out that Hanna didn’t tell the other Liars she was involved. Mona, like so many women with closeted girlfriends, tells Hanna that she’s tired of being her dirty little secret. She demands to know how many times she must save the Liars before they trust her.  I have ALWAYS been on your side, even when I mowed you down with my SUV!   Hanna drops off the hard drive and then rushes over to Radley, where Caleb has turned off the security system for ten minutes so she can snatch the receipt. She goes into the back room and finds that all the receipts are kept loose and unorganized in giant boxes. Maybe they should have sent Emily, someone who knows the inner workings of this bar. They’re running out of time, so Caleb grabs a wrench and just starts smashing pipes to drown all the receipts. Way to fly under the radar, kids. Emily and Ali are staking out the Rosewood High lockers, but they get distracted by their bickering. Ali feels like Emily is testing her, and they both admit that they are scared to be parents. Before they can make up, a hooded figure (Mona, on her own stakeout) knocks Ali down and scampers off into the night. While the Liars run around town chasing ghosts, Aria dons a black hoodie and sets about destroying Emily and Ali’s nursery. She smashes Emily’s mobile, splatters red paint (or blood?) all over the walls and smashes all the creepy lamps. Emily and Ali come home and Aria tries to sneak out…but being Aria, she walks into every object in the room and makes a ton of noise. Emily is about to introduce Aria to Crate and Barrel aka what she calls her fists.   Emily grabs a tasteful candlestick and brandishes it like a weapon, going into full on mama bear mode. Aria manages to sneak out before Emily busts her, but just barely. She goes home and weeps into the couch while Ezra gives his book lecture without her. The next day, the Liars comfort Emily and Ali about the destroyed nursery, except for Aria who acts squirrelly as hell. When Spencer finds Aria’s earring on the floor, she realizes that something isn’t right. The Liars go to the loft to find Lucas rifling through the drawers. They accuse him of being A.D. and Lucas tells them that he stayed friends with Charlotte over email, and that they were working on a second issue of their comic. He feels incredibly guilty about giving Charlotte the idea for the dollhouse and the torture, and about trashing the Liars to Charlotte, unaware that it was possibly fueling her vendetta. Later on, Hanna and Lucas have a drink, and Hanna assures him that she believes he’s their friend. Lucas comes clean about the factory sale, and reveals that he went broke trying to build her business. Lucas assures her that he can make his money back, and that he has always believed in/loved her.  Mmmkay, thanks for your unrequited love byyyyeeeee!   Ali and Emily finally have the talk, and Ali reveals that she’s done running from her feelings for Emily. She finally admits that, after all these years, she’s always been in love with her best friend. Ali kisses Emily, and the music swells. It’s a sweet moment, but it can’t help but feel rushed. If only Emily’s relationship with Ali had gotten the same treatment as Haleb or Spoby, maybe I’d feel differently. Or even if she got the same treatment as Paily. But there’s just not enough “there” there.   Taking a step back, this is (on paper) a really radical story choice. We so often see stories of queer girls with unrequited crushes on their straight best friends. The pattern is always the same: the flirtation, the affair, the exposure, and the break-up. Sometimes the queer girl moves on and meets someone else. Sometimes she befriends a falcon and flies off a roof. It’s exciting that PLL is playing with this trope by having Emily get the girl she’s always wanted…I just wish that I wanted it as much as the show does. What did you think of this week’s episode? Tweet me your feels and A.D. theories @ChelseaProcrast       http://dlvr.it/PJ9rLW
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jq37 · 6 years ago
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The Gary Gygax Job (An Adventure in Two Parts)
I was asked to post my “Hardison forces the gang to play D&D fic” that I wrote for @alexromero​ so here it is. It’s actually just the set up and not the game itself because that would have been a whole undertaking but, anyway, I hope the anon who asked for it enjoys it.
Part One
BASE. Gyutou. Paris.
It's Parker's idea, surprisingly. Well, surprisingly to someone who knows Parker well but not very well. The team is breaking up, at least partially (though the kids have a secret pool running about how much wedded bliss Nate and Sophie can stand before they're ready to get back into the fight). She's not ready to lose two people from her very small inner circle.
"We should do, like, a girls' night," she suggests out of the blue, over the comms while crawling through air ducts (she has some of her best ideas in air ducts, which makes sense, statistically speaking).
"Girls' night?" says Hardison from the van. "You and what girls?"
"Me and Sophie. But also you and Nate and Eliot."
"Tha-that's just hanging out Parker. It's not a girl's night if there are guys."
She shrugs (tries to shrug. There's not enough space in the air duct). "Whatever. We should do it. I miss Sophie. And Nate," she adds, belatedly.
"Me too."
"Me three," Eliot finally cuts in. He's been providing an ambient background of grunts and things smashing into other things for the past minute or so, but that kind of thing is surprisingly easy to ignore after a while. "But can we do this AFTER THE CON???" They grudgingly decide to put a pin in it while Eliot runs his hand through his hair in annoyance. Honestly.
When they call the "Call us if you need us but please try very hard not to need us," number, they get Sophie, which is good. She'll be easier to convince and if they convince her, they've got Nate too. Parker explains her idea and Sophie is very into it: Group activity, once a month, full team.
Sophie's in so they're in business. Hardison puts all of their names into a randomizer and Parker ends up with first pick.
"Greece!" she says, immediately.
"Excellent choice, Parker!" says Sophie, picturing the food and beaches and museums. And then she remembers who she's speaking to.
"Parker, what are we doing in Greece?"
They find out two weeks later and Hardison thinks that it's a good thing he loves Parker to death, because he's pretty sure she's going to get him killed.
BASE Jumping on Zakynhos Island.
"Oh, come on!" Hardison whines as he's tossed a parachute. Sophie is also not thrilled, but she seems to think that encouraging Parker's social skills is worth 5-ish seconds of sheer terror.
The jump order is Eliot, Sophie, Nate (who is choosing to be amused by this whole thing), Hardison, then Parker. Hardison and Parker are the last two on the cliff.
"Come on you big baby," she says. "You've jumped off of buildings before."
"Not for fun."
She touches his chest very deliberately. "Then don't do it for fun. Do it for me."
He shakes his head and steels his nerves. "Sophie's rubbing off on you and I don't like it."
He is so happy to land in one piece that he immediately drops to his back and makes sand angels. From above, he can hear Parker's adrenaline-high scream. He opens his eyes, sees her parachute explode out, and then closes his eyes again. Maybe if he pretends to be asleep, she won't make him go again.
Somehow, Eliot's pick is worse.
He says they're going for a cooking lesson which sounds safe enough. The lesson is at a tiny sushi place in Brooklyn and the chef is some Japanese buddy of his. They're not allowed to know how they know each other specifically (Eliot says he's a "work friend") and they're not allowed to know his name, so they just call him Chef.
Everyone's having a good time and whatever work Chef did with Eliot before, cooking is obviously his calling.
And then…well, Hardison's not sure. It happens really quickly. The door bursts open and a man in dark clothes bursts in. There's a flash of silver from Chef's side of the room and the man drops. Hardison doesn't even have time to jump.
Chef isn't holding his knife anymore, Hardison notices. He looks across the room. It's implanted in the intruder's chest. A gun falls out of his hand and Nate kicks it away.
"What just happened?" says Hardison, trying to keep his voice level.
"It's a Gyutou," says Eliot. "Sharpest knife in the game."
"I'm not asking ab--why would you think I was asking about the knife?"
"Because the guy's Yakuza. Obviously."
"Wait, Yakuza? Like, Yakuza-Yakuza?"
"No, one of the many other Yakuzas out there. Yes, that Yakuza!" In the time it's taken them to have this conversation, Chef has dragged their attacker's limp body into a supply closet, found a clean knife, and gone back to chopping ginger.
Hardison has so many comments that he doesn't know where to start. He just throws up his hands and goes to stand in the corner for a minute. When he remembers that the corner he's in very recently had a dead body in it, he picks a new corner.
Sophie takes everyone for a weekend in Paris because of course she does.
Paris is great. No one tries to kill anyone in Paris. There's no jumping off of anything in Paris.
But…
But it's a little like being on a three-day date with your parents sometimes. And Hardison has been Team Nate and Sophie since day one basically. That doesn't mean he wants to know every museum in Paris they've done it in. Not that he's asking, for the record. But they'll walk in and give each other this kind of smug smirk and he can just tell. It's disgusting.
So, when Hardison's turn rolls around, he feels exactly zero guilt for choice.
"Dungeons and Dragons?" Eliot says with the kind of scorn he reserves for especially bad bad guys and Hardison.
"Oh, I don't wanna hear that tone from you, alright? I don't wanna hear it from any of y'all. Little miss adrenaline junkie over there," Parker blows him a kiss, "And your crazy Samurai friends," Eliot rolls his eyes, "And y'all two making googly eyes at each other for three solid days."
Nate takes a second from doing just that to say, "You're exaggerating."
"He's really not," says Parker.  
"BASE. Gyutou. Paris," Hardison rattles off again. "I did your thing now you're doing mine." He pulls a d20 out of his pocket and holds it between two fingers with a satisfied smirk. "Age of the geek, baby."
Part Two
Nate claims character creation is too complicated for him to understand which is a blatant lie because Hardison has seen him rig an election and manipulate the stock market on the fly and give a guy a nosebleed with his mind like he was freaking Professor X.
"This isn't my thing, Hardison," he says. "Just make a character for me. I don't care about the details. Do whatever you want."
Do whatever you want.
Famous last words.
Hardison makes him a dwarf barbarian character with an intelligence score so low he'll have trouble scratching himself.
Nate texts him a one-word response: No.
Well if you don't like my painstakingly created character you can make your own, Hardison texts back.
Just fix it.
Oh, he'll fix it alright. But first, he has to deal with Eliot.
He tries a different tactic with Eliot.
"Alright," he says when Eliot reluctantly drops in the chair across from him, looking like he's just been plunked into the heart of Gitmo. "You don't have to make a character. I premade one for you. Check it."
He fans out the materials he's printed out that show the character he created--premade for Eliot's approval. He's a human fighter, with a greatsword as his main weapon. He's proficient in several languages, weapons, tools--Hardison had to fudge the rules a little to give him so many skills at level one but it's nothing more ridiculous than what he can do in real life. He even had a sketch commissioned--he knows from experience that Eliot is a sucker for cool artwork of himself.
Eliot's eyes scan the sheets of paper and Hardison thinks he detects that trademark grudging approval he was going for.
"Did I do good or did I do good?"
Eliot looks up, scowls, and then something clearly goes off in his head because a slight smirk replaces the scowl. Hardison doesn't trust it but he doesn't react either.
"OK," says Eliot. "I'll play your character. One change though."
Just one? He can handle that. The way Eliot was looking at him he thought something much worse was coming.
"Sure, what?"
"I want to play as a pacifist."
Hardison's brain BSOD's and reboots in time to see Eliot's slight smirk go full Cheshire cat.
"What?"
"I'll play your guy in your little nerd game, but I want to play as a pacifist."
"You're telling me, you want to play this character, this fighter--a guy whose entire skillset is based on fighting--as a pacifist?"
"Yup."
Hardison scatters the papers in front of him as he thinks of all the high-level encounters he'd planned, counting on Eliot's super buffed fighter to keep the party alive, just like in real life.
"I don't get no respect around here."
While he's reworking the campaign, he gets a text from Nate re: the second premade character Hardison sent him--a sexy tiefling ranger. A sexy, female, tiefling ranger.
You're aware that I know where you live, right?, the text reads.
Not my fault you won't be specific. I'm working on pure guesswork here, Hardison texts back.
Fix it, Nates texts again. Then he adds, Don't forget I know how to hypnotize people.   
Hardison snorts: And I can hack your bank account and spend everything on My Little Ponies. Make your damn character Nate.
Sophie is confused.
"If there's no goal, how do you play?" she asks him over Skype.
He never got a chance to really explain how the game worked and clearly, she hasn't looked it up in the meantime.
"There's a goal. There's just not one singular goal. You usually get some kind of quest and then you choose whatever you want to do. It's an RPG, just without the computer." When she squints in confusion he explains. "Role playing game."
Recognition goes off in her eyes and he realizes how he needs to sell the game to Sophie. "You get to pick a character. Well not pick. Make a character. You come up with a backstory and their abilities--"
"It's like coming up with a cover."
"Yes, exactly. It's exactly like that but you can also do magic if you want."
After she makes the connection, she's sold. The next day, she comes over with her backstory prepared. Or, rather, her backstories.
"I made more than one character because I couldn't decide on playing as a bard or a rogue. They're both very me. Oh," she gasps in much more excitement than Hardison thought he would ever see Sophie Devereaux show about Dungeons and Dragons. "Is there any way I could play as a bard and a rogue?"
"I got you," he says pulling out an info sheet he'd printed in anticipation of her request. "Bam. Sophie special."
"Songfilch?" she reads from the top of the sheet.
"It's not an official class," Hardison explains. "It's kind of a homebrew hybrid I whipped up. Half thief, half performer."
Sophie lights up. "You made me a grifter!"
"I told you this was a fun game."
"One more question," she says. "Is it possible I could play as a vampire? They get the thrall ability which would be useful I think."
"Uh, well you could," said Hardison. "But vampires also can't enter homes without being invited. The whole point of being a rogue is sneaking into houses without being invited to steal stuff. You can't expect them to just open the door and let you…" His words trail off as he remembers who he's speaking to. She bats her eyelashes at him, teasingly. "Yeah. Vampire songfilch. Go for it."
Nate texts him again later in the afternoon. He thinks it's gonna be in response to the munchkin baker character he sent (not a real race or class but Nate's not gonna check) but, miracles of miracles, it's a real character. Not a full character, mind you. It's just sketchy notes for a character: A cleric turned paladin. Servant of the god Helm--god of protectors.
There's not a lot there but there's enough for Hardison to know he actually put effort into it. He thinks Sophie must have gotten to him. Either way, it's enough for him to fill in the blanks and make Nate a character he will actually enjoy playing once he gives it a chance.
An enjoyable character who kicks ass since Eliot is still refusing to.
Parker is actually pretty game about the whole thing.
Which she better be, Hardison thinks. You can't force a guy to jump off of a cliff and then get mad about a little geekery.
She picks her class easily (rogue, natch) but she has trouble picking a race.
"What are you playing as?" she asks.
"I'm not playing," he explains. "I'm running the game. I'm like the narrator."
"Oh." She frowns. "That's lame. It would be more fun if you played."
"Someone has to run the game, Parker."
"I guess," she says. "It's still lame though."
He helps her finish her rogue (halfling rogue they decide), but he's only half paying attention. By the time they're done, he realizes there's someone he needs to call.
Hardison arrives at the game sesh with a guest. "Hey guys," he announces. "This is Chris, my foster brother. He's exactly like me, minus the criminal activity and rugged good looks."
He's also white, but no one mentions that.
"What's he doing here?" Eliot asks.
"Hardison asked me to DM for y'all," Chris answers.
Parker realizes what this means first. "You're playing?"
He nods. "Elven Wizard. I'm gonna hack reality, baby."
Chris rolls his eyes. "You can't just use the word hack whenever you want to. It has a very specific meaning."
"I can if I hack the language," Hardison shoots back as he sits down.
Chris grits his teeth like he's had this argument many times before (which he clearly has). "Let's do this before I kill you. Not in the game, in real life. Are you guys ready?"
Hardison looks around the table: Fighter, Songfilch, Paladin, Rogue, Wizard.
It's a weird group.
He grins.
"Ready. Let's do this."
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