#trigger warning:depression

[tinybutwicked]

Maylor with 86 please! I love your writing ❤️

//thank you lovie! Here you go, it got a bit heavy but i hope y'all appreciate :) //

This got a bit on the heavy side, handling depression. So if you're not comfortable with that, please skip this one

Roger was at the end of his rope. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to help, and it was driving him towards insanity at an increasing pace.

Brian wasn't well, he hadn't been well in a long time. And every morning they woke up, the guitarist refusing to get out of bed, Roger's willingness to believe that everything would be okay was eaten away. Bit by bit. He wanted to believe, he wanted to help, but he didn't know how because nothing worked.

The drummer knew that depression was a thing that would always be there. He had known it when he had declared his love for Brian for the first time, he had known it when they had moved in together and he had been alright with it. He still was, and his love for Brian was still as unwavering as ever.

But he was tired of not being able to help, of just having to sit by and watch the man he loved waste away in the grimy, unapologetic hands of his depression.

Nothing Roger did was good enough. Because nothing helped.

"Bri? I brought you breakfast" The bedroom was stuffy and dark, the curtains still blocking the sunlight from outside. Because maybe enough sleep would help Brian feel better?

It had become a norm in the past few weeks that Roger's words were left unanswered, so he walked to the bed trying to not mind the heavy silence too much. Because it wasn't Brian's fault.

"I got you some strawberries and the vegan bread you like so much. It's still warm, they had just baked it" Setting the tray down on the bedside table, the drummer sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Brian to turn and face him.

He didn't, and Roger wanted to scream.

"There's tea and coffee in the kitchen. Do you have a preference today?" The sheets rustled slightly in the rhythm of Brian's breathing, but the guitarist still wasn't looking at him.

Roger wanted to snap, he really did.

But this wasn't Brian's fault.

"Just… you need to eat, Bri. Otherwise the wind will manage to push you over the next time you go outside" The attempted humor didn't really work, because it didn't get an answer from Brian and now Roger couldn't help but think that maybe the guitarist would never go outside again.

Stop that

"Could you.. Look at me, please?" He was craving for some kind of contact. Anything, really, because even if they held each other through most nights, it still felt like Brian was somewhere far away.

And once again, there was no answer to Roger's plea.

"Please, Brian? Answer me, please? Look at me, say something so that I -" The blonde bit his tongue. It wasn't Brian's fault, he shouldn't push.

"Just… Yell, scream, cry - just say something"

"I'm sorry" It was the first time in days that Roger heard Brian's voice, and it broke his heart. Because of course Brian would apologise, ask for forgiveness for something he couldn't help at the moment. Of course that'd be the first thing he says.

"No, it's not your fault. I'm sorry for pushing, I just worry. It's okay" The blonde reached to lay a comforting hand on the guitarist's shoulder, feeling the older man lean against it.

It wasn't all lost yet, because Brian didn't mean to push him away.

"I love you, Brian. Remember that, alright?" The silence was back, but now Roger had a little more hope again that it wouldn't last forever.

[chie7231]

He surfaces after his first attempt, to find a delighted Sirius clapping for him. Sirius swims closer, pulling a shocked Regulus onto his back. Regulus, almost instinctively, wraps his arms gently around his brother’s shoulders. Sirius glides forward in the water before turning his head and winking.

“Remember what I said about holding your breath?”

Regulus nods, an easy smile painted across his face.

Sirius smirks before diving underneath the blue, glasslike water. Regulus tightly holding onto his back. Regulus finds himself absentmindedly noting each and every fish that swims alongside them.

They pop up a moment later, both taking a gargantuan gulp of fresh air. Sirius pulls he and Regulus onto the dock, shaking out his long locks of hair before settling down. Head tilted back easily, staring at a cloudless blue sky.

Regulus’ eyes slowly open as he is dragged into the uneasy depths of the cave waters. Claws digging into his ankles, though he doesn’t feel the sting as strongly as he initially had.

Kreacher seems miles away, his already small form growing smaller and smaller as he plummets into the icy, cold depths of the lake.

He moves his legs back and forth, fruitlessly, to escape the numerous arms binding and pulling him down. The initial intensity with which he kicked grows lethargic, legs kicks have turned into toe twitches.

Though his lungs burn, and his chest feels as if it will explode..Regulus holds his breath.

The last relic of a seemingly forgotten happy memory.

[theamazingcw]

Innocence || Self para

Once Upon a Time…

Cindy sat alone with her knees pulled up to her chest, sitting in front of an old stone chapel. Lately the passing of her mother had been becoming a harder and harder thing for her to deal with. People always told her she was so tough and strong, but at that moment Cindy couldn’t feel more vunerable. All she wanted to do was to make herself so small and compact that she might just disappear. She knew her mother never would have won any sort of mother of the year award, but she was Cindy’s and really that’s all that had mattered to the young girl.

…So much left to say…

Cindy had never had the smoothest of relationships with her mother, but she still loved her more than anyone else. She wished she had told her mother that, at least once. But as Cindy looked back, she noticed that all she ever had seemed to do was yell and argue with the woman. The feelings of regret and sadness filled her until, without even noticing, Cindy’s tears started to fall again. They streamed down the young teen’s face as she sat on the cold granite steps. She didn’t know how but she felt a comforting hand touch her shoulder.

“Miss?” the voice of a man spoke to her gently. Cindy looked up, seeing that the voice came from who seemed to be a fairly young priest. She quickly wiped her face.

“What do you want?” she snapped, coming across more hostile than she had hoped for.

“Well, I was wondering if you would like to come inside with me. I’m sure it would be easier for you to collect your thoughts someplace warm, rather than on the steps.” the man said keeping his same gentle tone. As if on cue the wind blew, sending a chill through Cindy. Nodding, she stood and allowed the man to lead her into the chapel.

…Are you there, there at all?…

“Now, what’s your name?” the priest asked as they sat in one of the pews. “I’m Cindy,” she answered. Cindy didn’t know why but she didn't feel safe here, and part of her wanted to run. She worked through it, holding a conversation with the priest she found out was named Father Mark. "I just miss her so much." Cindy said as she finished her story. Her jacket she had gotten from Tyler now laid in the pew beside her. That was the first time she had told someone her whole story. The priest hugged her as she began crying again, rubbing up and down her back. Soon she didn't feel his hand anymore, and began to feel it instead crawling up the back of her shirt. Cindy tried to pull away, but his free hand grabbed her wrists, pinning her down in the pew.Cindy opened her mouth to scream, but he moved his hand from behind her to cover her mouth. "Don't you dare, grease ball." He sneered. Cindy bit his hand, making him recoil, only to slap her. A fresh crop of tears started, and this time for an entirely different reason. She was defeated, she was stuck, unable to move.

…Could you really love someone like me?….

Cindy ran from the chapel looking disheveled, her jacket in hand as she ran home in her now ruined clothing. She got back to Carmen's and quickly changed, and took her old clothing with her to an open lot. Before long she was sitting in front of a fire, watching her clothing burn, along with what was left of her innocence.

...Once upon a time, all I needed was a hand in mine

[welldangprr]

i kind of ... need some help

my depression has hit an all time low and even going to the gym doesn't seem to be working

when i think about my examinations that are coming up, i get major anxiety 

and even thinking about universities almost gives me a panic attack 

so i want to go on antidepressants 

but i don't know how to tell my mom because last time my psychologist told me to go to psychiatrist she completely ignored me 

and every time she found out that i was suicidal she got so angry and started blaming me for "trying to hurt her" 

i don't want that to happen again 

i'm so scared i'm not gonna survive this year if this goes on 

i just want some help 

i don't want to think "what if..." every time i see a truck 

i want to be happy, i want to go to drama school and succeed but i don't see any of that in my future 

all i see is darkness and i am tired of it 

[theamazingcw]

Spend a little time || Self and kinda open depending on how you look at it...

Cindy ran straight inside the movie theatre across the street, only to find herself in a seemingly endless hallway. She turned around to try to face one of the voices, but instead of finding the door she came in she had come in from there was just more hallway. Cindy turned around again, only to face the person she had hoped she would never see again. 'You really thought you could beat me, Grease Ball? Well, this time I'm not going to have mercy on you.'

Cindy ran forward, the priest bursting into smoke as she ran through him, only to begin to float next to her as she ran. 'You're so stupid..." Before she could react her mother appeared at her other side. 'It's you're fault. You should have saved me, Cindy. You could have saved me. 

Suddenly she was met with a door in front of her, desperately she tried to get it open, but it wouldn't budge. That's when the voices stopped. 'I'm dead, Cindy. I died from my cancer.'  Looking behind her Cindy saw the one person she thought she could always count on, her best friend. He looked completely white, as if all the blood had left his entire body. As Cindy looked at the boy's face she noticed his usually chocolate brown eyes had turned a dark shade of red, looking almost demonically at her. 'Why didn't you try to help me, Cindy? You had the money. Why didn't you save me?' the ghost of Paul said to her. 'You're terrible. Look at how much pain you caused. You should be punished.' all three voices swirled in her head insulting her, as she began to feel her body being beaten.

Cindy screamed and cried beating on the door, and hoping someone would save her. 'Someone! Anyone! Please?!' She was beginning to loose her strength, as she continued to sob, beating the door with all her might. Did anyone care? Couldn't they hear her? 'No one's going to save you this time.' said the Priest. Cindy looked away from him as he pushed the hair away from her neck, looking towards the chapel's stain glass windows, knowing that he was right. The two were alone and no one could save her, something told her that anyone who would was dead, she could sense it. 'Relax. This will only hurt a lot.' Cindy began to cry more as she was pushed tighter against the stone wall.

Cindy jolted upright, screaming. Her whole being was drenched, as she sat there panting in the lot. Waking up like this had become routine, unlike the dreams. Cindy always knew how she would wake up, but she never knew why until that night. She slowly curled herself into a ball, crying and hoping no one would ever see her like this. Slowly she rocked herself back and forth, softly singing and hoping the memory of the dream would fade, but knowing it wouldn't. 

[inkblotgalaxies]

Just let me sink.