#unconditional love? or unconditional torment?

[aunhinged]

Sherlock & House: Torment Olympics

Sherlock: I arranged for John to give a lecture on something he barely knows. He’ll flounder, and I’ll enjoy the show. House: I told Wilson the coffee shop had a secret menu. He’s been asking for it all week. Sherlock:  And how do you find this amusing? House: It’s called ‘entertainment.’ Plus, it gives him a purpose. John (to Wilson): Are they actually friends or just mutual tormentors? Wilson: Isn’t that the same thing?

[dent-de-leon]

things that still cause me agony: Caleb stumbling to Molly's side at the first chance he gets, reaching for his Transmuter's Stone and pleading with the rest of the Nein to bring him back. The fact that Caleb spent that whole fight refusing to believe Mollymauk was truly gone, refusing to give up on him or let go, no matter how much Lucien punished him for it. "He's gone. Let him go. Let it all go."

Caleb forcing himself to say, "The Somnovem is gone. If he's still...twisted, he will be alone. And we will be able to handle him"--but can he? Could he really? Caleb, who called out for his Circus Man and shook something deep in Lucien's core, who broke through Lucien's control the most, who kept desperately reaching for Molly and trying to anchor him back again and again. Who dares to believe, to hope and barter and beg, "But what if...?"

If it ever really came down to it, I don't know that Caleb would be able to let go of Molly after all that--even if he was still being controlled, even if it was what he wanted...I don't know that Caleb would be able to go through with it--

And...there's something to the fact that Caleb is the one who says they can handle it, I think. Like he's offering to talk responsibility for whatever happens to Molly. Like he's willing to promise anything if it means he just gets this one chance to try and save him--

[sidereumvulpes]

Uhgg I love my girlfriend.. she's so pretty and I don't get to talk about them enough. I want to talk about my angel, my heart, my very tall wife<33

[eolande]

i need to think more maahes' time on bitterblack.... he would've known fauna and barroch too which is crazy and fun. also big brain moment.... but maybe the fact that he was made in the image of rothias who is Big Will Andy is why he underwent some bestowal of spirit faster and also didn't get corrupted from hanging out on bitterblack.... cause anye only took eolande there a couple times before she abandoned her in cassardis. and i have never known who fauna's pawn is LOL i still have to think abt that. maybe they got corrupted. anyways my point is pawns don't seem to have as much lasting power on the isle. but maahes is a big strong boy he's got this. he also probably got his eye injury there come to think of it....

[deathofacupid]

synopsis: heian!era sukuna x blind reader, where he is undoubtedly sure that you wouldn't love him if you could see him. a/n: @salsakiyoomi, thought of you while writing this! i know you love sukuna, here's a gift for you. hope you're having a better day! banner credits to @/dollywons.

the air in the ancient chamber hung thick with the scent of incense and the faintest trace of something wilder, something that clung to sukuna like a phantom limb.

he held you close, your small form nestled against his chest, your breathing soft and even. you were a delicate bloom in his brutal world, a splash of vibrant color against the monochrome backdrop of his existence. he was a creature of shadows, a being woven from malice and power, and you… you were a whisper of sunlight.

he watched you, his crimson eyes burning in the dim light, a stark contrast to the serenity etched on your face. he was a monster, a twisted reflection of humanity, a being whose very presence warped the air around him. and you, his sweet, unsuspecting petal, loved him. the thought was both intoxicating and agonizing.

"tch," he muttered, the sound rumbling in his chest. "if you saw what i looked like, you would not be lying beside me like this." he imagined your soft gasp, the way your eyes, currently closed in peaceful slumber, would widen with horror.

he pictured the revulsion that would twist your delicate features, the fear that would replace the gentle affection you so freely gave. the image was a knife twisting in his gut.

you hummed, a small, contented sound, and snuggled closer. "do not be silly," you murmured, your voice laced with sleepiness.

his brow furrowed. "excuse me?"

"yes," you repeated, your voice gaining a touch more clarity. "whether you would admit it or not, i love you for who you are, 'kuna. there is nothing else to it." you reached a hand up, your fingers tracing the sharp line of his jaw, the faint scars that marred his cheek.

he flinched at the contact, a visceral reaction to the innocent touch that threatened to shatter the carefully constructed walls around his heart.

he scoffed, a harsh sound that echoed in the quiet chamber. "you say that because you are robbed of sight. you have not had the displeasure of seeing the world – seeing me." the words dripped with self-loathing. he imagined the revulsion that would fill your sightless eyes if they were suddenly granted the ability to perceive his true form, the grotesque markings that covered his body, the inhuman gleam in his eyes.

you loved him in the dark, in the comforting absence of his true appearance. it was a love built on a foundation of blissful ignorance.

you stilled, your hand pausing its gentle exploration of his face. "i do not need to see it," you said, your voice soft but firm, "to know it for what it is."

you shifted slightly, your face turning towards him, as if you could see him with your heart. "the world… it whispers to me, 'kuna. i feel its beauty, its pain, its joy, its sorrow. and i feel you. i feel the warmth of your heart, the strength of your spirit, even the darkness that you try so hard to hide. and i love all of it, 'kuna. all of it."

your words were a balm to his tormented soul, yet they also pierced him with the sharpest of pains. he didn't deserve this, this pure, unconditional love. he was a monster, and you were a gift he didn't deserve.

he remained silent, his hold on you tightening almost imperceptibly. he wanted to argue, to push you away, to protect you from the inevitable heartbreak that would come when you finally understood the true depth of his monstrous nature. but he couldn't. he was addicted to your love, to the warmth you brought to his cold, desolate existence.

he knew he was being selfish, clinging to you like a drowning man to a life raft, but he couldn't let you go. not yet. perhaps… perhaps he could keep you in the dark a little longer. perhaps he could bask in the light of your love just a little longer before the inevitable darkness consumed him, and you along with it.

[bum-tan]

Honestly, I'm genuinely surprised that Cartman isn't the bicycle of the South Park Fandom and that the ships involving him aren't as enjoyed as other ships.

Don't get me wrong ! I love Creek and Stendy, and I believe they are popular in their own rights; I just find it weird that ships with Cartman aren't nearly as popular as they could be, especially considering the fact that almost every prominent character has material and a bit of chemistry with him in the show.

For instance:

-Cartman's rivalry with Kyle and their complex frenemies/love-hate dynamic with intense interactions due to often conflicting morals and ideals, which is the base of many episodes. The fact that their very identities are complete opposite from one another, but they still share similar key traits such as being stubborn, egotistical, and driven. Their mutual obsession and the odd codependent nature of their relationship where they just have to one up the other. The constant back and forth where Kyle wants Cartman to change and become a better person, while Cartman wants to break Kyle and prove he is just as bad, if not worse than him. Of course, let's not forget that on the occasions where they do team up towards a common goal and set aside their differences, they work efficiently together. Moreover, they get along surprisingly well when they simply hang out and there is no clashing beliefs or morally charged disagreements. But what makes this ship truly interesting is that despite everything, it has been shown multiple times that they still care for each other, which adds even more nuance to their overall dynamic.

-His evolving relationship with Butters, that started off as extremely harmful and one-sided, is now a more balanced friendship. Butters, who is nice to everyone in general, is especially nice to Cartman and seems to hold him in high regards not just because/in spite of being afraid of him. He is more likely to choose Cartman's side every time there is a conflict and often provides unconditional support. As for Cartman, he has stopped tormenting Butters and he is even nice to him on some occasions due to Butters' loyalty. Furthermore, it has been shown that Cartman confides in Butters, which indicates a certain level of trust on his end, cementing that Butters is a close friend he can rely on. Of course their relationship is still far from perfect, but Butters isn't as naive anymore; he is now familiar with Cartman's cruel nature, having been personally subjected to it. Butters will stand up to Cartman when he reaches his limits and openly express his frustration at times because he no longer blindly chases after his approval. Nevertheless, he still sticks around and helps Cartman because he does care about him.

-Kenny being Cartman's best friend and arguably the one who understands him the most out of anyone in the gang due to their similarities like having the same humor, which usually makes Kenny go along with Cartman's antics, and the same interests (anime, video games, horror movies). The fact that they both have dysfunctional households (Kenny's troubled home with parents who always fight, and Cartman being the son of a neglectful single mother); as well as the fact they're both outcasts because Kenny is poor and Cartman is fat (poor, fatherless, his mom is a whore-) which are all things they can bond over. The occasional rivalry they have (the coon), though not as intense as the one between Kyle and Cartman, is still entertaining. How the show sometime hints at Cartman being aware of Kenny's multiple deaths and immortality (more consistently than other characters like Stan or Kyle, mind you) which adds more potential to their dynamic. Their mutual care for one another albeit in an unconventional way. Adding to all of that is how their relationship has its highs and lows, but they still ultimately remain close friends.

-The fact that Stan is one, if not the only person, Cartman is ever consistently nice to; while he may rip on him for having a crush on Wendy and for being too sensitive at times, it's never truly mean spirited more than it is to tease him. Most of the animosity he showcases towards Stan stems from him, more often than not, siding with Kyle during disagreements as Kyle is the most "reasonable" between the two. More proof of that would be how Cartman will sometime go out of his way to help Stan out when he is distressed, without any ulterior motives or grand agenda whatsoever. He will also encourage Stan when the latter forms his own opinion and acts on his own accord, all while disregarding others' expectations. Of course, this is all only when Stan isn't getting in his way, because it's still Cartman we're talking about; but even then, it's apparent that he likes Stan, even if the other doesn't seem to particularly like him. They do have moments, though, where Stan seems to genuinely enjoy Cartman's company when the other kids aren't around. All in all, their dynamic is just as compelling as the others to explore.

-The episode where Wendy has a crush on Cartman and kisses him. That episode clearly shows they can get along when they work together and that Wendy can find him attractive. However, their overall relationship throughout the show is tense and antagonistic; Wendy is not scared to call him out and put him in his place for what she thinks is just, that alone makes her stand out to Cartman because she doesn't match the image he has of girls (His passive mom, other girls at school who'd rather just ignore him, the girls in the media he consumes etc.). While he usually dismisses Wendy or makes fun of her, he does feel intimidated by her, as shown in the episode where she beats him up. Cartman seems especially mean to Wendy since he dislikes being so openly criticized, especially by a girl. However, it can also be inferred that he respects her even if it's in his own twisted way. As for Wendy ? Well, she is frustrated with him mainly due to his obnoxious and bigoted behaviour, but doesn't harbour personal hatred towards him like Kyle. The implications and potential of their dynamic are what makes the pairing interesting.

Obviously, there is also Cartman's entire relationship with Heidi before and after they started dating, which I don't think I even need to expand on as it was canon in the show and had its dynamic fully explored throughout season 20. All of this, despite Heidi not even being a recurring character, as opposed to the ones I previously mentioned along with others like Craig, and his friends (Clyde, Tolkien, Jimmy, Tweek, etc.) which, by the way, I could go on and on about as well (shout out to people who shipped or still ship Cartman's rare pairs).

Clearly, Cartman is a very compelling character, and he has interacted with almost every kid in the show. There are people who have shipped characters for less (Dip, for example, which is also a ship I like, so I am part of those people), so why not ship him sometimes ?

It's understandable that some fans just don't like Cartman due to how much of a bad person he is, (he is supposed to be hated. Afterall, he represents so much of what is wrong in our society), so it would feel wrong for them to put him under any other light than "horrible bastard". Other fans are just not comfortable shipping him in general since he doesn't fit the usual aesthetic as he is fat (I would argue that doesn't necessarily make him ugly, but I digress).

I for one think it's okay to like Cartman and it's worth addressing that ships involving him deserve more love. Does this mean I condone his actions and agree with his problematic mindset? No. I like him in the realm of fiction only, and that doesn't stop me from exploring and playing around with his character in ways like shipping (whether romantic or platonic).

A ship isn't always "this would be so cute and nice, and it's totally canon!" Sometimes it's "This relationship is fascinating, and exploring it further would be really interesting." It's really fun too.

Got too deep there for a moment lol. Anyways, thanks for reading until the end if you're still here and have a nice day. I'm out !

[clashconcept]

Ooh okay but you said it's mild?

Okay ❤️

Yay ❤️

*proceeds to waste hours at a time at least once a week handwriting different iterations of the same to-do list in a panicked effort to get everything into the Right Order with the Right Timing to have Everything Done Perfectly before some semi-arbitrary and usually self-imposed deadline and having to start over and over and over until my wrist is cramping so badly I can barely hold my Very Specific Pencil while my kitchen sink overflows with dishes and the laundry load with the wet towels I meant to do last week is mildewing on my bedroom floor and my three overdue course project assignments plead for Mercy through my laptop speakers*

*definitely didn't look up the okay yay meme more than twice while making this addition just to make sure I didn't use the wrong hearts even though I know they're the most basic ones and also it doesn't fucking matter to the recognizability of the meme*

Mental health vent under the cut. Possibly mildly triggering but mostly just Long and I don't want to forcibly subject y'all to scrolling past All That

Realizing OCD may play a much more significant role in my psyche than previously believed has really been fucking with me. Like, I've spent the last week and a half identifying behaviors that I failed to recognize as compulsions over almost a decade and a half of therapy featuring the varied perspectives of at least twenty practitioners and a wide range of methodologies and intensity levels. Ten years ago, I lived in an intensive residential treatment facility for seven months, and when they let me out they threw me into a halfway house for kids transitioning out of juvie because they didn't know where else to put me, for fuck's sake. How did no one catch this?

It almost feels humiliating. It's like I spent three quarters of my life looking at my own brain under a microscope in my free time, and I finally thought I had a decent understanding of the minutia of its operations, perhaps a little nebulous and spotty in places still, but relatively thorough. And then all of a sudden somebody put a different lens on the fuckin microscope or added a pigment and changed the florescence settings or whatever and now everything looks totally new-- there's a whole network of entities and mechanisms and interactions taking place that I had been totally unaware of as I blindly searched for explanations for observed phenomena caused by its interaction with the other elements I had been studying (REALLY geeky metaphor I know)!

And most of me is outraged because like, NO ONE THOUGHT OF THIS?! There have been so many of you on this project with me I've lost track, and you're supposed to be EXPERTS, and we KNEW that ocd was a factor!!! Y'all gave me a diagnosis a full DECADE ago, called it MILD, and NEVER GLANCED IN THAT DIRECTION AGAIN. I didn't think of it either?? I may have less information and experience in the field, but I had the diagnosis, and it's MY FUCKING BRAIN. After less than two weeks of casual observation with this new perspective in mind I have found intrusive thoughts and compulsive self-soothing patterns which pervade EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. Its cumulative effects have been more detrimental to my decision making and functionality than my bpd and depression COMBINED, and that's just with the connections I've noticed so far. I've had 10+ years to figure out all the little ways the other two have fucked me up. If this had been caught and treated sooner, who knows where I'd be by now. Maybe employed with a degree. Maybe still happily with my wife and stronger for having stood my ground, held my boundaries, encouraged her growth, and grown alongside her. I can't think about it or I might explode. Mild.

The OTHER little part of me is TERRIFIED because... ...no one fucking thought of this?? I thought I finally had a pretty clear and complete image of my Self and the reasons behind my behavior. I thought some of these headshrink motherfuckers might've been smarter than me, certainly more informed, educated and objective, and maybe saw me more clearly than I saw myself. If every single one of us including me missed something like this as it was sitting in plain sight causing huge obvious destructive effects on my fucking life... What else are we still missing? Was this the Last Big Puzzle Piece? Will such an animal ever exist, or is the effort to get an accurate overall picture of my mental health in order to attempt effective treatment actually just a pipe dream keeping me on an endless escalator ride through hell? How much of myself do I know, really?

Am I sure?

[bluesgrxce]

Michael Afton Headcanons (General + Romantic)

Warning: Childhood abuse

Mrs Afton will be called Clara and Crying Child will be called Evan. 

General

Life in the Afton family was never perfect. William often neglected his family in favor of working on his animatronics and Clara was always fighting with him because of it. This was the norm for Michael and his siblings, unfortunately, so they were used to it. (Not like watching their parents fight and being neglected didn't hurt any less, but...)

Michael was never as obedient as his younger siblings, even when he was a little kid. It was easy to tell that neither of his parents appreciated that very much and favored the others over him. At least Clara made attempts to hide it. With William, it was ridiculously obvious that he didn't feel unconditional love towards his kids, and that he only cared for them when they followed all his directions. So Michael got the worst treatment in terms of neglect. 

Eventually, the fighting got to be too much for Clara. She divorced William and left the kids with him, moving far away so she wouldn't be associated as an Afton anymore. This decision had a horrible effect on each of the Afton kids- Elizabeth became unhealthily attached to her father, Evan lost his only source of comfort (that wasn't a stuffed animal) and it made Michael's approaching teenage angst worse. Meanwhile William's only thought was "Hmm maybe I can design my new balleria animatronic after my ex-wife now... That way I can have another excuse not to take care of my kids 😻"

Being left unsupervised was the worst thing that could've happened to Michael. It gave him a sort of power he shouldn't have had, being that he was frustrated at his entire family and too immature to know how to deal with anger correctly. He vented his anger by becoming a destructive bully. 

At first he just bullied Evan because he was an easy target. Not Elizabeth though, she... Mysteriously disappeared before he could do anything too bad to her. But her disappearence only left Michael more pissed off at the world. He started bullying kids at school with his group of friends. They quickly became the tormentors of the neighborhood. 

Teenage Michael was a total shitbag, really. He hurt others because it made him feel powerful in a situation he was powerless in. Fun Fact: William hurts others to feel powerful too. Like father, like son. 

However, Michael's tormenting wasn't 100% just for a power trip. It was partly to get attention from his father too. He got into all kinds of trouble looking for attention. He got into fights at school, purposely flunked all his classes, made his abuse against Evan abundantly clear, etc. Nothing worked. So then he decided to involve one of his father's own creations in his next scheme... And that one definitely worked. But not in the way he wanted it to.

So Evan was dead. William wasn't pleased, to say the least. It wasn't the fact that his son was dead that got him, it was the fact that Fredbear's had to be shut down. His first passion project was ruined by his own son.

William started giving Michael attention, but not the kind that he needed. He began taking his anger out on him. Screaming, hitting, locking him in his room for hours on end... The list went on. Now Michael knew what it felt like to be in Evan's spot. 

But unlike William, Michael felt geniune sorrow from his brother's death. He never wanted him dead, he just went too far. If the guilt of that wasn't enough, nobody was understanding of him either. His "friends" ditched him and the entire town shunned him. Nobody wanted to be around him anymore. Not many people did to begin with, but now everybody acted like he was an apathetic murderer. (Everybody acted like he was his father...)

He was forced to spend the rest of childhood in isolation. When he wasn't isolated, he was with his father, only piling the mental and physical scars on top of each other. He transitioned from bitter and angry to terrified and ridden with guilt.

He learned his lesson about being an asshole, but he's been beat down so many times that he's afraid to get back up. He just took all the negativity that was thrown at him. He believed that he fully deserved it and that he didn't deserve a happy life. (Because he knew his father sure didn't...)

His only source of comfort at this time was watching TV. The TV raised him when his parents didn't, so... Basically always. One of the reasons he kept going was so he could catch the new Immortal and The Restless episodes. 

Okay this is really stupid and out of place but I like to think this is what it looked like when Michael first discovered Immortal and The Restless:

Once Michael finally became an adult, he was ready to run away from it all. He knew that he didn't deserve to be happy, that he was a monster just as horrible as his father was, but he couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't strong enough. 

So he took a page out of his mother's book and moved away. He didn't have enough money to move too far away, sadly, but he got far enough that nobody in town could recognize him. That's exactly what he was searching for. He desired a chance to start anew.

He didn't want to be Michael Afton anymore. Michael Afton was a murderer, a tormenter, a coward. He wanted to be a better person now, but he was convinced Michael Afton could never be better. Leading him to change his identity once he finished moving.

Michael Afton was dead. He was Mike Schmidt now, and Mike Schmidt was an incredible man. He was friends with all his neighbors, he was hard working, he never caused a bit of trouble. And he always smiled. Never a creepy and unnerving smile, but a warm and pleasant one. 

This change did help him a bit. He was being treated like a person again instead of a monster, so that was appreciated. But it did a lot of harm too. He was pushing down all of his feelings and ignoring his problems. They were Michael Afton's problems, not Mike Schmidt's, after all. He was masking his true self and hiding it all with a grin. (He's like his father no matter what he does...)

However, this new life didn't last long. Everything stopped when he got a phone call from William. It was a sickeningly polite request, asking him to go down to Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental, only for a simple week long shift. 

Naturally, Michael was furious. He didn't want to accept a single request from that asshole, especially not now! He was still reinventing himself! He was ready to decline until William brought up the true reason why he wanted Mike down there- To free his little sister. 

Mike was in awe. This was a chance to fix his past mistakes. Not all of them, of course, but he could make up for at least one part of the past. Though he was reluctant to have anything left to do with those bastardly animatronics, he felt like he had to do this. He gathered his courage and accepted, not knowing what was ahead of him. 

The universe must have decided that he hadn't paid enough for his mistakes, because he ended up literally dying and then having his corpse used as a disguise for murderous animatronics. Not fun. Even when Ennard finally left, he just felt... Empty. Both physically and mentally. He wasn't even sad about it. He was accepting.

This was a natural punishment for trying to run away from his past, he assumed. Mike always thinks he deserves the bad things that happen to him. But, he also realized... When did his father ever get punished for something?

It just wasn't fair. William got away with everything while Mike was the one who had to pay for it. He did some terrible shit when he was younger, he knows, but wasn't this enough? When was William going to pay for slaughtering children for his selfish experiments and power trip? 

In that moment, he knew what he needed to do. He had to kill his father and get revenge. He needed to free the rest of the souls like he did with his sister. That way, he could finally be at peace. 

From then on, Mike was the best version of himself. He still made an effort to keep up his new identity, but he wasn't trying to run away anymore. He was scared and he was battling mental health issues everyday, but he was determined now. And nobody could stop him. 

Romantic

Let's say you fell in love after he moved and changed his name, so you didn't know about his past. He wouldn't tell you the truth for the longest time. Mike sees you in an extremely high light. You've got so many good qualities about you, and he's... Just some cowardly asshole who lives a lie. But you don't know that. You think he's great too. And fuck, he loves that, he wants it to stay that way so badly. He really does want to be with you. 

So he stays as Mike Schmidt. He wouldn't mention a word about Michael Afton, his family, or anything to do with Freddy Fazbear's. Forget Fredbear's. He refuses to be a part of that. Most of the time he just dances around the subject when it's brought up, but he's willing to flat out lie if he has to. He doesn't understand that having a relationship built on lies isn't the best idea. 

Besides that stuff about lying to you, I don't think he'd be too bad of a partner. He loves you so much and wants the best for you. He'd work hard so you could have everything you need/want. But since he works so much, it's hard to find time to spend together. Especially whenever he's working the night shift.

When you do find time, you probably won't be going out on dates. He's paranoid and avoids going out when he can. So you'll likely be at home, whether you're resting in bed or watching Immortal and The Restless together. 

While he was working at Circus's Baby, he always made it a point to call you after 6AM and let you know he was on his way home. You didn't know that, truthfully, it was just his way of letting you know he was still alive. 

He's also a protective boyfriend. Though he doesn't like going out, he would force himself to get past his fear and go out with you when you have to leave. He'll accompany you on trips to the grocery store or other errands. He makes sure to write down your work phone number somewhere safe, so he can call you during your breaks and make sure you're okay. 

And in a way, him lying about his past is a way of protecting you, too. You could get hurt if you get involved. So he buries all the pain and wears a smile, no matter how much it hurts. When he has sudden flashbacks to his father's abuse or the death of his brother, his grin only falters for a second. He considers this his way of being strong. 

Mike can't hide it forever, though. He'll be forced to confess after he gets scooped, because... Well, imagine trying to hide purple skin from somebody you see every day. You'll have to talk some sense into him though- He needs to be convinced that he can't handle everything on his own and that this isn't some punishment for his sins. So weirdly enough, him getting scooped wasn't entirely bad? Because it made your relationship stronger and he's better off, now that he has a goal and somebody to support him along the way. 

But that didn't mean everything was sunshine and rainbows now. For one thing, his appearance is pretty fucked up, and not in the hot way. It's just another thing to add to the list of insecurites. He worries that you'll leave him for somebody better. He avoids physical affection as well, because he's sure you wouldn't want to touch him. 

You can help by giving him lots of reassurance, though. He likes being called handsome even if he doesn't believe it, and it feels good knowing you're always there for him. 

This might be an unpopular headcanon, but I honestly think Michael would want to get married. Probably not when he was younger and the wounds from his trauma were fresh, but once he's older and more healed. Just because his parents' marriage didn't turn out well doesn't mean that yours won't. There probably won't be an official ceremony, there might not even be any official documents saying you got married, but he would buy a pair of rings so you could say you were anyway. It's still marriage to him. 

No kids though. He's still intensely afraid of having one of his own to take care of. The next best thing is Helpy 💀 But speaking of Helpy, the only Fazbear restaurant he'll let you go to is the one from Pizzeria Simulator. It's the only place he has any control over things, so he wouldn't be on the verge of having a panic attack everytime you got near an animatronic... But maybe you still don't need to be around those high risk ones...

Oh, and don't worry, he won't stick around in the fire like he did at the end of the game. I believe the only reason he did that was because he didn't have anything else. This family drama was his whole life, his whole purpose. So he thought it was only right to pass on with everybody else then. 

But with you here now, he can't just leave you like that. Not as a single parent caring for Helpy! So you three can finally live that happily ever after without having to worry about any murderous animatronics or people in bunny suits again.

Haha, yeah... Definitely... 

[msshadowqueen]

YOU EXPECT ME TO MOVE ON FROM ANAKIN AND PADME WHEN ANAKIN PULLED THESE LINES???

“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life. So you might say we are encouraged to love.”

“From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do?- I will do anything you ask.”

NEVER!!!

[bullseyelover]

rings of obsession: the tragic cycle of dex poindexter

a small character analysis :)

dex poindexter is tragically trapped in a relentless cycle of obsession, idealization, and conflicted emotions. a pattern that stems from his deep seated need for love and validation. his life has been shaped by this cycle, beginning with the absence of love from his parents. when coach bradley betrayed dex’s idealized view of him, the rupture led to violence. a grim foreshadowing of how dex handles the collapse of his attachments. mercer briefly filled the void with the unconditional love he craved, but her death left him hollow, seeking new objects of fixation. julie became an obsession of the goodness he wanted to emulate, but his obsession was not of love or a desire for friendship; it was a desperate attempt to anchor himself to a moral compass he couldn’t sustain on his own. with ray nadeem, his fixation deepened, tinged with both admiration and attraction; he was drawn to him after ray betrayed him in episode eight seeking connection and validation in someone he thought once as a friend who betrayed him but still saw goodness in him. yet fisk’s manipulation forced his hand, shattering his last chance at redemption. that moment in ray’s backyard marked the final fracture in his humanity, pushing him down the irreversible path to becoming bullseye. from there, dex was set on the road to becoming bullseye, a path of pure destruction where he can never return to who he was.

his obsessive need for love and validation spirals further out of control, manifesting in a fixation on wilson fisk, whom he believed loved him but just used him and threw him away, and eventually matt murdock, whose very existence will become an obsession. each new attachment becomes a mirror of his own unfulfilled desires, locking dex into the rings of obsession. a cycle of idealization, betrayal, and violence from which he can never escape. dex’s obsessions are not just about idealization. they are a volatile mix of love and hate. his borderline personality disorder magnifies this, making his attachments intensely passionate but also dangerously unstable. he loves the people he obsesses over, but he also resents them for the power they hold over him, for the rejection he anticipates or experiences. this duality becomes especially pronounced with matt murdock. as dex spirals into fixation on matt, his feelings become a chaotic blend of admiration, envy, love, and hatred. matt represents everything dex wishes he could be controlled, principled, and strong. but also everything he despises in himself: the inability to be truly good. this cycle of obsession and emotional contradiction defines dex’s existence, ensuring he is forever caught in a destructive loop, unable to escape the torment of his own mind.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

All Things End

Pairing: Osferth (The Last Kingdom) x f!reader Warnings: Angst, smut. Word count: ~2.7k

Summary: Based on this request. Life has been blissful for Osferth since finding love with a Christian woman from Alton. However, he cannot shake the thought that she deserves better; if he loves her, he should want her to be happy, even if that happiness is not found with him...

Author's note: No tag list. Please follow @fics-by-ewanmitchellcrumbs and turn on post notifications.

Her breaths come in ragged pants that fan hotly against the sweat soaked skin of Osferth’s neck. She is pliant beneath him, thighs wrapped tightly around his waist, mirroring the spasming grip of her warm, wet walls, pulling him towards his end as she reaches her own. The pressure that has steadily been building at the base of his spine explodes in white hot intensity, and he screws his eyes shut as he pushes back into her with a final, deep thrust, spilling himself inside of her.

Inside of her.

He freezes as the sensation fades away, eyes snapping back open in stark realisation. He pulls back, breathing heavily, panic not allowing his heart rate to slow.

“I–I did not mean to…I’m sorry. That was careless of me, please forgive me, I–”

She places a palm against his cheek, caressing his face gently, halting his rambled apologies. Her expression is calm, though her eyes are glossy, lips parted as the afterglow of their tryst suffuses through her flesh.

“It is fine, my love, we will take care of it.”

He knows all too well what she means when she says that. She will take care of it. It would not be the first time that she has had to.

It has been a year since they shared their first night together, and they have enjoyed many more since then, under the cover of stars, or on the straw stuffed mattresses of the various ale reeking inns that they find themselves in when they have enough coin to seek proper shelter on their travels. Osferth is usually always careful, pulling out and coating her thighs, lower back or belly with his spend. However, there have been two occasions when he has gotten lost in her warmth, the intoxicating scent of her, and forgotten himself, finishing inside of her as he ascends to the height of bliss, before the gravity of his carelessness plummets him back to earth with horrifying cognizance. Tonight is the third time that this has happened.

His expression is sullen as he sits by the campfire the following morning, watching her brew the pungent roots and herbs in a steaming pot of water. The acrid stench makes his nostrils twitch in disgust, but he refuses to move or look away. She is the one that has to drink the noxious liquid, suffering the smell of it pales in comparison, and does little to assuage the guilt that weighs heavily upon his chest.

She grimaces as she gulps it down, brow furrowed as she struggles not to retch at the taste, and he swears silently to himself that this is a torment that he will never allow her to suffer again. She deserves better, he must be better for her.

The frightened young woman he had met in Alton has come a long way since he had rescued her. She is no longer shy and fearful and, though still steadfast in her faith, she shares herself with him freely and without shame. She drinks ale, laughs heartily at Finan’s dirty jokes and no longer displays any apprehension at interacting with Uhtred and the others. His heart swells with warmth and affection for the woman he has fallen in love with, she is truly the light of his life. Though in moments such as these he is left to ponder on how exactly he has changed hers, and if it is for the better.

He has basked in her warmth on chilly evenings, enjoyed the sinful pleasures of her flesh, found comfort and joy in the unconditional love that she showers him with, but what can he possibly offer her in return?

Osferth is her protector, but would she need that protection at all if she were not travelling with Uhtred and his men? He is the blade against the harm that he directly places her in the way of every time they prepare for battle. They have no home, no money, nothing but what they carry upon their horses. He loves her more than he ever thought himself capable of loving another person, but love alone will not provide for her.

The thoughts consume him as they ride south, towards the next village, and he clings tightly to her as she leans back against him in the saddle, as though he can feel the very essence of her slipping through his fingers. A man less selfish would simply let her go, but he cannot fathom a life without her. Deep down, despite trying his best, he knows he will never get it right.

Beocca and Æthelwold are awaiting them when they arrive, and she leaves him with a cheerful smile and a soft kiss on the lips, explaining that she wishes to explore, a polite means to excuse herself from the discussion that she knows does not concern her. He is ever grateful for her intuitive nature, but once more left disheartened that she is placed in that position to begin with.

He is barely able to focus as Beocca relays Alfred’s demands to Uhtred. There is a dawning sense of finality settling in the pit of his stomach, causing cold tendrils of dread to spread throughout his body, and it does not come from the news of the King’s order of one hundred pieces of wergild and an oath sworn to his son, Edward. There is a price he knows he will have to pay sooner rather than later, and it will come at a greater cost to him than any fealty sworn to a future ruler.

Osferth watches as she laughs breathlessly, the sound carrying softly on the breeze. The children scurry around her skirts, rosy faced and grinning, eager to play. She had obliged and agreed to join in on their game of chase when they had invited her, excited at having new people arrive in the village. Her playing with them feels effortless, natural even, and he thinks about how easily she would adapt to motherhood, to have a babe of her own to hold in her arms. It causes a lump in his throat, his gaze growing misty as his mouth tugs downward, knowing that’s something he will never be able to give her.

He is a bastard. He will not pass that curse on by marriage or parentage, that will die with him.

But what of her wants and needs? He is depriving her of the opportunity to be a wife, a mother. He can no longer subject her to a life of vagrancy and uncertainty, simply because of his heedless desire to have her at his side. She did not ask for this, it has been thrust upon her without her say so. Her life cannot truly begin until the one she leads with him comes to an end. With a heavy heart, he decides that when they reach the next town he will travel on without her.

The village they currently occupy seems too small, too dirty, not vibrant enough for her to call home, he reasons, she deserves to live somewhere bigger and as filled with exuberant life as she is. He knows he is lying to himself, he is simply unprepared to let her go, he is not ready. He is not sure he ever will be, but he will have to be for both of their sakes.

Over the coming days, he keeps her close, committing to memory the softness of her hair between his fingers and the way the sunlight dapples upon it like fresh spun silk. He inhales the fragrant scent of her skin every time he holds her close, as though trying to permanently imprint the faint floral smell upon his mind.

The way her eyes light up whenever she smiles is the sight he will miss most of all. He wishes for that to be the only expression he ever sees upon her beautiful face. He cannot bear the thought of parting ways and seeing the heartbreak in her eyes, or the tears that might fill them. It is craven, but he knows the only way he will ever be able to leave her is if he slips away without telling her.

His heart sits like a stone within his chest when they eventually arrive at the next town. He knows that when he departs it will no longer be in tact, torn asunder as he leaves half of it behind. He can see his future darkening as he looks into her eyes, knowing it may be the final time he ever gets the opportunity to do so.

Osferth makes love to her that night, his pace unhurried, every thrust drawn out slowly, memorising the subtle movements of her hips and each soft sigh that passes her lips. His hands stroke through her hair, caressing her face, before dragging over her curves. If this is to be his final time with her then he wants it to last, wants her to feel just how much she means to him, and to be left with the memory of how utterly divine she had felt pressed against him.

“I love you,” he whispers to her, as she cuddles against his chest afterwards.

“And I love you.”

Those simple words cause his throat to tighten, knowing he will never hear her utter them again.

It is for the best, he thinks sadly as he watches her sleep peacefully next to him. She deserves the opportunity to settle down, to get married, to have a family. She deserves everything he will never be able to give her.

He slips out of the bed as dawn breaks, casting a dusky orange glow through the gap in the threadbare curtains. The loss of her warmth is intensified by the knowledge that this is his final time experiencing it, the sensation of parting from her akin to being plunged into icy water. He has to force himself to look away from her in order to gather up his clothes and get dressed, careful not to disturb her.

Hovering by the door, he hesitates a moment, staring at her as she slumbers. If this is the right thing to do, then why does it feel so painful? His love for her is unconditional, however, and he longs for her to find happiness, even if that means he is not a part of it.

He hates the thought of her waking up alone, the inevitable betrayal she will feel when she realises what he has done, and it tempts him to stay, to continue to pretend that he could ever be enough for her. But he knows those feelings will pass for her, and when they do she will meet the man who will marry her and father children with her, a man who does not carry the curse of bastardry.

“There is a woman in the room upstairs,” he tells the innkeeper on his way out, handing him a coin purse containing all of the money that Osferth has to his name. “Please ensure she is well taken care of.”

His hands shake as he saddles up his horse, the void she has left behind seeming as though it will swallow him whole. He is incomplete without her, destined to go through life feeling like half of a person.

Finan raises an eyebrow at Osferth, as he tends to his own mount, eyeing him with suspicion. “She not coming with us?”

Osferth swallows thickly, an attempt to keep the emotion from his voice, as he keeps his eyes focused on the straps he buckles. “No.”

“Yes, I am!” She cries out, hurrying towards them, a bewildered look upon her face. Her hair is still tousled from sleep, suggesting she had dressed in a hurry to catch them up. “Osferth, why did you not wake me?”

His heart sinks, tears prickling his eyes as he turns to look at her, knowing he will now have to have the conversation he had been wanting to avoid all along. Finan clears his throat, looking between the two of them, before moving away towards where Uhtred and Sihtric are readying to leave.

“You are to stay here,” he says in a trembling voice, “I have left coin with the innkeeper to take care of you.”

“For how long?” She asks, brow furrowing in confusion.

He lowers his gaze, guilt pooling in his gut, unsure of how to word his response. There is no kind way to say “forever” in this instance.

“For how long, Osferth?!” She asks again, her voice wavering as it raises an octave.

His eyes are sad and filled with remorse as he looks back up at her, nausea swirling in his stomach as he watches a tear slip down her cheek. His fingers twitch uselessly by his sides with the urge to wipe it away.

“Do you not want me anymore?” 

Her voice is barely above a whisper as she asks this, and it feels as though a dagger has been twisted into Osferth’s heart. How could she possibly ever believe he didn’t want her? She means everything to him.

He shakes his head, the words feeling as though they will choke him as his vision blurs. “I will never stop wanting you,” he confesses, “but that is precisely the problem. You deserve better than the life I can provide for you. I will never be able to give you children, or marry you. I am trying to do what is best for you. I want you to be happy.”

“You make me happy, you bloody fool!” She cries, the slightest hint of anger creeping into her tone. “And it is not for you to decide what is best for me. Why did you not tell me that this was how you were feeling?”

“I could not bear to have a conversation that I knew would break both of our hearts. I know that is cowardice, but I knew you would never agree to leave, and I cannot continue to hold you back from the life you deserve.”

He stares miserably at her, feeling the wetness of his tears upon his face as she swipes angrily at her own. This is not how this was supposed to go. He does not want this to be how they remember each other.

“You are right,” she says defiantly, “I would not have agreed to go. If a husband and children were what I wanted then I would have parted ways with you long ago. I am not the scared little girl you found a year ago. I make my own choices.” 

His lips part involuntarily, eyes widening slightly. “How can this possibly be the life that you would choose for yourself? How could I ever be enough?”

She sighs, reaching for his hand, clasping his fingers tightly in his. The gesture spreads warmth from the tips of his toes all the way to the top of his head.

“I love you, Osferth. You are enough for me. The life we have is enough for me. I do not wish to risk my life in childbirth, or spend my days tending to the needs of a husband who views me as something to be possessed. I want a life that is filled with adventure, I want to fall asleep under the stars, and I want to do it all with you at my side.”

A small, yet hopeful smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he steps closer, tenderly wiping away the wetness beneath her eyes with his thumb. “Are you sure?”

She nods. “God brought us together for a reason. All things must end, I know this, but not what we have, just the foolish way in which you perceive it.”

He rests his forehead against hers, relief and embarrassment flushing his cheeks. “I have been so stupid, can you ever forgive me? I do not know how to even begin to apologise.”

She leans in, pressing her lips to his, allowing them to linger for a moment before pulling away with a slight grin. “Save your apologies. You will need them for the innkeeper when you ask for your money back.”

He smiles. There is comfort in knowing that everything ends, because within it they have been given the opportunity to begin again.

Part two | Series masterlist

[rekaning]

Not A Peep | Original Siblings x Mute!Child!reader

CW: Canon-typical violence, implied abuse of a child

Elijah watched as his brother tore into the man's throat. It was savage and gruesome and entirely unnecessary when draining him of his life blood would have sufficed.

Complete overkill.

And yet, Elijah reveled in the man's pained and horrified screams. Basked under the knowledge that all his cries for help were in vain. No one would be around for miles, Elijah himself had made sure of that.

"You couldn't contain yourself for one more bloody minute, Nik?"

Elijah let his gaze drift over to the stomping figure of his sister.

Rebekah's glare passed between both of her brothers but ultimately settled on Klaus, who held the whimpering man by the back of his bloodied neck.

Klaus rolled his eyes, scowl prominent, made more impressive with the fresh coating of blood dripping down his chin onto his navy blue Henley shirt.

"Why are you here Rebekah? I thought I told you to stay back with—"

His words caught in his throat as he spotted the small figure that had hidden behind his sister.

Wide, innocent eyes looked over in his direction before settling on the victim at Klaus' feet.

Elijah quickly strode over and blocked the young girl's view of the barbaric scene. He placed a gentle touch onto her tiny shoulder, his face devoid of the satisfaction it once held when looking at the man's bloodied form, and morphed into warm adoration as his brown eyes met the young girl's.

"You shouldn't be here, Baby Bird." His tone was soft and soothing. The young girl looked up at him, her eyes fluttering shut in contentment as Elijah's large calloused hands stroked her hair.

Rebekah huffed from behind the small girl, her hands landing pointedly on her hips, "That's what I told her!"

"So, pray tell, sister, why she's not where she's supposed to be?" Klaus growled from behind Elijah, the elder Mikaelson silently asking that same question with the hard look he threw to his little sister.

Before Rebekah could respond at her brother's unwanted tone, movement from the youngest of them caused the retort on the tip of her mouth to die out.

The young girl stood back from Elijah's gentle caresses as she moved her hands deftly, signing to the tall vampire before her.

Please don't be mad at her. I told her I would start to cry if she didn't let me.

Klaus had stepped away from the bloodied man he'd been maiming, leaving his trembling body where it was, confident that his prey wouldn't move from his spot on the ground. He'd moved closer to his brother once he'd wiped the remnants of blood from his chin, and caught sight of the child's signing.

Her wide eyes looked over to him the instant he came within view. Her eyes pleading for him to reserve his anger and judgment from Rebekah.

The hybrid knelt before her, hands reaching to cup her tiny face. Her small hands grasped his wrists and she nuzzeled her cheek against his right hand, a serene smile forming on her lips. Her eyes shone with such unconditional love and admiration for the vampire-werewolf before her, that Klaus himself found it difficult to maintain his irritation at Rebekah's failure to keep the child away.

"You still shouldn't be here, Little Wing. Elijah and I wish to keep you away from these...incidents."

Her brows furrowed and her lips formed into a pout. She slowly stepped away from his warm hands and began to sign once again.

Are you going to kill him?

Klaus looked over to his siblings briefly. Unspoken conversation passing between the three with ease. Centuries of sticking together through all manner of situations made them experts in the small tells and movements their siblings had.

Elijah was the one to answer, as he, too, genuflected before the child, tenderly taking her hand and resting it upon his lifted knee, stroking small circles on the back of her hand, "He must pay for the suffering and torment he has inflicted upon you, sweetling. He is not worthy of your compassion."

While she could see the form of said man from over Elijah's shoulder, the elder vampire held her full attention as she answered back.

I'm a bad person, too.

The three siblings went rigid at the girl's confession. Rebekah, mimicking her brothers as she fell to her knees at the young girl's side. She stroked a hand across the child's hair, "You are not. Why would you say something like that?"

Tears formed along the ridge of her wide eyes as she eyed each sibling before looking down at her hands before responding.

I'm not compassionate. I don't feel bad for him. I hate him. Doesn't that make me bad?

Their reactions were immediate. Each Mikaelson placed a hand upon the child in comfort. Rebekah held her right hand, Klaus held her left hand, and Elijah cupped her cheek once more.

"It makes you human, sweetling." Elijah's smooth baritone assured her warmly. his warm brown gaze held her own as he continued, "He has hurt you in a way no parent ever should. You have every right to hate him. That doesn't make you bad."

A single tear escaped from her eye. Klaus wiped it away with his finger. The child looked over at his brilliant blue hues.

"I can make you forget, if you wish."

Rebekah and Elijah looked at their brother sharply. Their protest dying on their lips as he held a hand up for them to allow him to finish.

His Little Wing cocked her head in confusion.

"I can make it so you would believe we compelled him to leave. That he packed his stuff and that he left this town, leaving you forever and never looking back." The hybrid glanced back at the passed out form of the man before turning his focus back toward the child, his eyes cold and unwavering, "I will make him suffer and beg for forgiveness. And he will die tonight."

His grip on her small hand tightened just a smidge, "I have killed and maimed for less, Little Wing. What he has done to you...it is unforgivable. My anger shall be your justice, my hands will deliver your judgment, but you need not remember this, if it will be a burden on your mind."

The girl looked down at her feet. The swell of adoration and love that bloomed across her chest was unlike anything she'd ever felt before. The fact that these three people, these vampires were showing her the love and care that she had sought from her father for years since her mother's death, was slightly overwhelming but it filled her heart with endless joy.

She thought back to all her moments with her father and the reality that every memory that crossed her mind was one of pain, hurt, or sadness sealed away any thoughts of redemption for him. Klaus was right. The knowledge of his death would haunt her mind. She didn't know if she was ready to carry that consciously with her, so she looked at him, eyes brimming with tears as she nodded her head, the hand Rebekah held coming free as she signed.

I want to forget.

He nodded. Elijah and Rebekah said nothing. Their brother had been kind enough to give the girl a choice and her decision had been made. So, they said nothing as Klaus turned the girl away from the body of her father. His blue eyes captured her gaze as he compelled the child.

Elijah and Rebekah stood from their kneeling, circling around so that the child would not glance back and see the bloody scene behind her.

Rebekah mumbled to her eldest brother, "I'm staying. I want to get a couple of hits in before Nik finishes him."

Elijah glanced briefly at his baby sister before staring back at the child, "Do throw in a few punches on my behalf. Perhaps a broken femur?"

The blonde woman smiled at his request, "Of course, brother."

Klaus stood from his position, their small ward's hand held in his. He looked to Elijah, having heard Rebekah's declaration of staying here.

"Sleepy yet, Baby Bird?" Elijah asked warmly.

As if on cue, the young girl yawned adorably wide. Her nose scrunched up cutesy as she blinked tiredly at the eldest brother. She smiled sheepishly before lifting her arms up in a clear sign for him to carry her.

Elijah did so without question, his arms securing her to his form. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she settled her head in the crook of his neck.

"We'll see you soon, Little Wing." Klaus whispered, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Sleep well, Birdie." Rebekah muttered as she placed a gentle kiss to the child's crown.

After quick glances of assurance to his siblings, Elijah sped away from the crime scene.

[amethyxmao]

I felt compelled to write out a prayer to Father Lucifer today.

O Lucifer, hear my cries.

Awaken the fire that is dormant within me.

I beg for your strength.

Fill me with your divine light.

Beautiful morning star,

The first shining light,

I scream & cry out your name.

Save me, please,

From this life’s torment.

My arms are open to embrace you.

You, who flies to high,

Wings as great as the beaming sun above.

May I always find myself wrapped

In your safe embrace.

May I never be without you.

I hope you will always stay by my side.

I hope to forever bask in your glorious light.

My shining star,

Cover me with the warmth

That radiates from your very core.

Bless me with your everlasting presence.

Thank you for your unconditional love.

Thank you for your divine teachings.

Thank you for everything.

I love you, great morning star.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Akutagawa saying he envied Atsushi for seeing the Headmaster is so sick actually? So he wants the same thing to happen to him? He wants to see/hallucinate Dazai

Like I'm sorry but... so much stuff there to be unpacked, lets say

I know 😭😭😭😭 This was such a heartbreaking yet inventive concept from this chapter? It hit me so exceptionally hard, I will be thinking about it for a long time. I really like how truly unconditional Akutagawa's love for Dazai is: he knows it's dark and hurtful, but there's nothing he wouldn't endure for its sake. Akutagawa is so desperate for Dazai, even a mere mirage can dull that aching. It's a little morbid, but it's /so/ the Akutagawa who would throw himself off a balcony just to catch a repeater with a chance of Dazai being on the other end. Also extremely compelled by how this is yet another instance of Akutagawa envying Atsushi for his misery, being convinced that Atsushi had it better even within his own martyrdom. It's just, so insane, so reminiscent of Akutagawa's past words:

And it's so deeply representative of Akutagawa's damned existence, how even Atsushi's misfortune seems preferable to Akutagawa's eyes. How the sickening visions that have been tormenting Atsushi are actually something Akutagawa envies.

I love how this adds yet another layer to their relationship. How would Atsushi react if he found out? Would he be pitiful? Mad? Both? And it also adds another layer to their scene in the mines which I love. The scene, together with the “the painful words of the past have essentially nothing to do with who you are” one, felt like the only moment Akutagawa expressed sincere empathy for Atsushi: he urges him to share his motives, he makes a comment where he compares Atsushi's mentor to his, he ends up giving Rashomon to him. It's a moment of Akutagawa trying to understand and work with Atsushi; and even though that much probably keeps being true, now we also have the added notion that such moment was stained by Akutagawa's envy. Which is so significative! Because it only reinforces something we've actually always known: that Akutagawa's envy for Atsushi has never left him, not when they're fighting, not when they're working together. Which doesn't mean Akutagawa loves Atsushi any less (because in my opinion he does! He died for him!); it just adds another element to their complex and multifaceted relationship.

[bitethedevil]

How do you think Raphael would react to feeling loved (not even necessarily in a romantic way—it could also be him feeling appreciated and loved platonically)?

Raphael and Love

(As always, these are just my interpretations of him. It’s dark, but I trust that you have read my “ask”-section and knew it probably would be beforehand anyway. I feel like I’ve made a post about Raphael and love before, but I can’t find it anywhere, so I’m using your ask for it. Hope that’s alright <3)

He would love it. He’d bask in it. He would get addicted to it so fast and it would fascinate him. Not in any healthy or soft way though, far from it. Your love is a tool that is to be explored and exploited for his own pleasure and morbid curiosity, platonic or not.

Testing limits

Ah, so you say you love him: Are you sure about that? If you really do love him, how far are you willing to go? If you truly loved him, surely, he could do whatever he wanted with you, right? He would constantly test your adoration to him, and each little line that you let him cross only means that he will go even further the next time. I am not talking about just ‘making you jealous’ or something like that. I am talking truly abusive and horrible shit. He will literally not stop until he knows that you would literally suffer the worst torments, die, and kill for him.

Making up

What happens then when you snap? He is definitely the type to lovebomb someone and effectively winning them back with all he has got. It is him loosening and tightening the leash. He would give back all that love you craved in return for yours…Until he knows he has got you and then it is back to dissecting you for weaknesses again, like a child seeing how many limbs they can pull off an insect before it dies.

Jealousy and ownership

You are his property. He won’t accept anyone even looking or thinking about you. If possible, keeping you locked away from everything else is the ideal. Why would you need to see other people, if you allegedly loved him more than anyone else? Isolation, control, full attention on him…

It’s the same thing when it comes to affection and intimacy. It will be very dependent on what he wants and likes. I don’t believe it would be entirely one-sided though. He will still touch you and make you feel good, but more in the way that one explores a new and expensive toy to see how it works, and it will be transactional. He never does a thing in his life without wanting something in return.

Love

It’s complicated. He loves your love. He loves the attention and adoration. He craves it. But again, you are a tool for him to get that love. He has no problems molding and shaping you into what he wants, because it can always be better. Look at the House of Hope: everything he owns is shaped in his own image and for his specific needs, and you will be too. Unconditional love is not a part of his vocabulary.

Obsession and dogs and cars

Raphael is just like his daddy when it comes to obsession. It’s hyperfixation. He will get obsessed with someone who gives him the adoration he thinks he deserves, and he will want every bit of it that he can squeeze out of you. He will lose himself completely in it. But. He ‘likes when people put up a fight’ and he likes puzzles, like Korrilla says. You are a puzzle to him. Once you have endured all his excruciating tests with flying colors and he has molded, broken, and shaped you into what he wants, the puzzle is over and things start to get boring. You start to get boring, and Raphael is not a man who lets himself be bored. It is like a dog chasing a car.

(Thank you for the ask <3)

[shadowstarion]

i see a lot of talk about astarion not actually fitting into the roles people in the fandom put on him, and i definitely think that’s right! minthara is the leather-clad bad boy type, wyll is the romantic prince charming, halsin is the tender sex god, gortash is the hate-to-love-him sexy antagonist, so on and so on.

but i think that’s entirely what makes astarion and his characterization, especially early game, so interesting. before he opens up and we really get to know him, astarion CAN be all of those things. he pins you down at knifepoint, woos you with sweet talk, feeds from you then fucks you to show his gratitude, reveals his shady past full of atrocities and torment.

we have to prove to him that we don’t want the bad boy, the prince, the sex god, the villain— we have to show him that we want astarion, wholly and entirely, whatever that may be. of course, after 200 years, those masks aren’t easy to strip away. so what we get is a combination of all of the above; he’s a bit devious toward everyone but us, he calls us darling and so many other sweet, precious things, he’s eventually able to make love to us in a way that’s so beautifully intimate, he still has that bit of danger and brutality that keeps us glad he’s on our side.

astarion is learning who he is just as much as we are, and when he can’t figure it out? it’s up to us to guide him, to choose what traits and behaviors to encourage, to help him form the identity and sense of self he’s been so deprived of. in a spawn ending, that ends up being a sweet, still-healing man experiencing love and basking it for the first time, led by our gentle hand and unconditional love for him.

in an ascended ending…? his ascension and the way he acts afterwards are directly our fault moreso than his. that ending reveals what astarion truly is more than anything else— a reflection of what he thinks we wanted him to be, what we supported, what we loved. if we lead him to believe that we wanted the bad boy, the brat prince, the rough addictive sex, the villain we can never escape, that’s exactly what we’ll get.