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vavuska · 4 years ago

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Who changed Lola Bunny?

Malcolm D. Lee explained, “This is 2021. It’s important to reflect the authenticity of strong, capable female characters. … So we reworked a lot of things, not only her look, like making sure she had an appropriate length on her shorts and was feminine without being objectified, but gave her a real voice. For us, it was, ‘Let’s ground her athletic prowess, her leadership skills, and make her as full a character as the others.'”

(See the complete interview here: X)

So, gone are her curves, thigh-high drawstring shorts and midriff-baring crop top. Instead, Lola Bunny now takes on a sportier look wearing a more standard basketball vest and leggings under her track shorts.

But, let's see more deeply what determinated this choice:

1. Being mad at a fan art is sad, people.

Before, a sad 50 yo guy starts complaing about how "cancel culture" or "politically correct" ruined his life - Really? Changing a cartoon bunny from a movie you didn't see for a decade ruined your life? Wow. Someone should really review the list of their priorities -, let's see how really Lola looked in the 1996 original Space Jam.

Here we have original Lola Bunny:

(Here you can see all Lola's scenes in Space Jam: X)

Yes, Lola walked in a sexy way that show off her curves, or at least she seemed to have curves (a little breast, tight waist, long legs, bootie), but those are not big as in the fan art you are seeing around, and Lola's curves are not evidenced during the match or when she played. Is more her attitude and posture that made her look sexy. However, althought her curves clearly changes every time she is doing something different, from action to action, there are some scenes in which she is purposely made sexy, with saxophone music as soundtrack and male-gaze sections that ends in the same way, Lola surrounded by a bunch of horny and howling cartoon guys.

That's appropriate with Jessica Rabbit: she is purposely made and designed as a parody of the femme fatale from old hard boiler movies, in which attractive, mysterious women were portrayed as evil and manipulative gals who hide criminal intentions. Jessica, with her intentionally exaggerated body, subverted the misogyny of 40s and 30s detective movies: she is kind-hearted, truly loves her naive and goofy husband Roger and uses her powers (beauty and cunning) to protect him. Her body too is used for comic sketches, while this not happens for Lola, that's just a serious and indipendent basketball player. So, the male obsession for her body is out of place, expecially because she reacted with anger at being misconsidered only for being an attractive female bunny. “Don't call me doll” is her catch phrase. So, it seems strange she didn't react at all at the very sexualized presentation at the final basketball match: Lola simply shows her basketball skills, ignoring or accepting passively the reaction of the honey crowd of wolves around her. (Please, notice the association: Lola “admirers” are wolves, predators, while Lola, their object of desire, is a rabbit, a prey)

This is the cartoon version of cat calling: they are like a group of men who sit on their porches and whistle at girls everyday when they walk in from of them. A normal girl or woman would pass over this thing, even if they are bothered, unconfortable or embarassed, because they are more scared by a possible violent reaction of this whistling horny guys at their legitimate anger objections. But here, we are talking of Lola, a strong Looney Tunes bunny, and she could smash that damn basket ball on wolves' face, breaking all their teeth. That would be very a Looney reaction. But Lola doesn't react at all at this situation. Here, on my opinion, screenplayers missed an opportunity, but probably they thought to have already did too much with Lola's personality and “girl power”.

Remember also that Lola is the only young cartoon female character we see in the whole movie. So we can't do a proper comparison with other female relevant characters' rapresentation. (See here for a deeper analysis of Lola's origin and development: X)

However, compared with Bugs, Lola looks more fit, more humanized than Bugs. Lola has clearly a definited breast and booty, but it looks like is more her posture that makes them relevant. Lola has clearly shoulders back to show the rack. Bugs is anthropomorphic but remains an animal, has no shoulders or pectorals more like a human and looks a bit over-weight (fat belly). And his posture don't keep that stomach in, chin up, and march forward.

Lola, on the other hand, has a more human structure. That's why I say she has curves. An example are Mickey and Minnie who are two beans in the same way it is not that Mickey is a bean and Minnie has small tits, they are structurally alike.

Lola's body remembers highly No-Ribs-Jasmine from Aladdin (see the gif for reference). That unrealistic Barbie-like waist that was so popular in the 90s and 80s. (See here for references: X and X)

Now, we are changed a lot from the past 24 years. Barbies didn't have that impossible, unrealistic waist-line anymore, Disney princess concept has changed (see Merida and Moana).

Lola concept is changed in 2012: her design for the new cartoons is totally different and her personality too. She wear a blue or violet dress, almost flat-chested and she was made annoying and silly, just to make a contrast with Bugs smarter. Just like Daffy Duck is dumb as hell and his new girlfriend, Tina Russo (no more dear old Melissa Duck), is way smarter than him. Tina is tough, street-smart, rebellious and feisty. But we will see this thing in the next point.

2. People on the upper floors hated Lola personality.

Lola Bunny had only few lines in Space Jam, but she definitely passed the first impression that she was draw only for make male characters fall in love. Lola was a good basketball player and show it off, in front of a skeptical and then astonish bunch of cartoon guys and also Michael Jordan. She also had a strong personality and said it clear to Bugs she didn't like being called "doll". Lola was beauty and curvy, but not a cheerleader. Lola was a basketball player. Remember this part, because we will talk about basketball in the next point.

If at the box office Space Jam was a success, at Warner Bros there were those who turn up their noses, and they are important people, from the upper floors, who accused the film with Michael Jordan of having completely distorted the philosophy of the Looney Tunes. They blamed Lola Bunny more than everything else. Producers of Warner Bros said she was too perfect for the moody group of Warner cartoons: she was too sensual, provocative and independent, totally alien to that core of crazy characters that act as an exaggeration of the vices of 'man.

And fans hated her too. Chuck Jones, creator of the Merrie Melodies said: "Lola Bunny is a character with no future, she’s a totally worthless character with no personality."

So, Lola Bunny was deleted. Lola would make only some brief apparitions in some comics edited by DC Comics, in Baby Looney Tunes, in which she was a toddler with a very similar personality and resemblance to Space Jam adult version, and also as playable character in some unsuccessful videogames.

Years passed and projects for a sequel of Space Jam never become reality, so in 2003 Warner Bros relased Looney Tunes Back in Action. But Lola wasn't here, because the movie purposely want to make a deep cut with what we saw in Space Jam, according to what said it's director Joe Dante. This movie was a totally failure, but it gave back to Looney Tunes their craziness.

Years passed again, but this time is 2011, 10th of May on Cartoon Network was relased the second episode of The Looney Tunes Show. The series aimed to strongly relaunch the Looney Tunes, long gone from the glories of the past, updating the stories of Bugs Bunny and associates in a sitcom key, with the rabbit sharing a house with Daffy Duck in a suburb of Los Angeles. All interspersed with sketches by Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner done in CGI and the updated return of the Merrie Melodies. But the big news of the second episode is that LOLA BUNNY RETURNED.

And Lola was a character with some relevance within the series, even if something didn't seem right with her. Lola looked different, she was no longer the rabbit version of the femme fatale seen in Space Jam: she was naive, talkative, with her head in the clouds, crazy to the point of becoming Bugs Bunny's stalker. Bugs after having fallen in love with her at first glance understands on the first date that he absolutely can't stand Lola. She is no longer the Lola we used to know, even if the appearance is similar and the name is the same. Lola is effectively a Looney Tunes now. And the fans like her, the public like her, Warner Bros like her.

(See Lola in The Looney Tunes Show here: X)

But this is a big walk in behind from the indipent character we used to know in Space Jam. Lola was turned into the stereotype of the crazy girlfriend for a while. And this is not a surprise, if we remember that in 2012 were popular the "overly attached girlfriend" meme template. (See here for references: X)

However, in The Looney Toons Show Lola has some very funny moments, while in Space Jam she was more serious and a little out of space among the other characters. (See here for references: X)

3. What women wear when they play basketball?

Women's National Basketball Association was only created in 1996. So, women's basketball were not considered - and still is not considered - as important as men's basketball at the time Space Jam was filmed.

In Space Jam 2 there will be WNBA players with a significant role, for example Diana Taurasi and Nneka Ogwumike.

Professional female athletes aren't that curvy because curves are determined by body fat and they have a little.

As a busty volleyball player, I can say, dear people, breats could be very annoying during sport activities: it could be a pain, when you run or jump. That's because a lot of women wear sport bra to compress and support their breast. Sports bra may also include layered cups or a high neck to keep everything in place and protect from painful hits, so women can be safe and comfortable during workouts.

Female basketball players didn't wear crop-tops and tight shorts to play. They wear exactly what Lola wears in the picture above: long sleeveless tees, large shorts and maybe protective gears such as knee pads, sleeves or braces to reduce chronic pain caused by the immense burden put on the knees in basketball, to prevent bruises caused by collisions and hard fall and to provide support after a significant knee injury like an ACL tear. They could wear also compressive arms sleeves to help muscles that are sore or overworked to recover faster. The sleeve enables your blood flow to circulate quicker to the heart, which helps you heal and recover quicker.

Wow. WNBA wears Exactly what wear NBA players. So surprising.

4. This is only a promotional character sketch, not what Lola would look in the movie.

Space Jam 2 would be developed in CGI and there are a little preview frames going around, included one showing Lola jumping and you can see her breast shape. But she totally looks like a comic cartoon character. It's not humanized. It's not designed to be the sexy love interest. She doesn't look out of space among the others anymore, expecially because seems that there would be also Tweety's Granny and Melissa Duck or Tina Russo as players too.

5. Reality.

Really? You want a human anthropomorphic rabbit? Well, Lola as a rabbit would have something like six nipples, but no human-like breast. And, also, real life girls have ribs. No one in real life is that thin. Oh, well, if you don't considered Pixee Fox, a model who had surgically removed six ribs and wears daily a compressive bust corset (yes, like the one that made Elizabeth Swan faint in the first movie of Pirate of the Caribbean) to look like a cartoon fairy (Tinkerbell, you are the one to blame for this).

(See here for references: X)

In conclusion, we can say that all this controversy is based only on a porny fan art and that Lola “new” graphic isn't change too much from the original Space Jam movie. It's just a little more cartoonish.

We can also firmly remeber that Space Jam 2 is going to be developed for children, to relunch Looney Tunes among new generations of children, who are the largest buyers of merchandising (including Happy Meals surprises) and consumers of new cartoons that surely would be developed, if Space Jam 2 would be a success.

However, we should admit that those kids probably know better the 2011 version of Lola than her original version and that 2011 version was more appreciated by fans and producers. Lola's voice actress, Kristen Wiin won BTVA People's Choice Voice Acting Award in 2012 and was nominated for that prize also about three times in the following years. Also Rachel Ramras, Lola's voice actor was nominated for BTVA People's Choice Voice Acting Award in 2016 for her role in Looney Tunes: Rabbit Run.

We don't know anything about Lola's personality in Space Jam 2, so we can't do a proper comparison or a prevision, but, according to what Malcolm D. Lee said, we can assume that original personality of Lola would be preserved.

The controversy is relevant only for Lola's body and not for her personality, and that's is highly rappresentative of what impressed more this bunch of grow-up kids. They grow up to be like the horny wolves and they are howling because their prey is not available anymore.

And, to be honest, being so obsessed with the breast and the body of a cartoon character (that is clearly made up for kids) it's not sane at all. Sorry to say that, but sometimes people need to drink from a bottle of truth.

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starryeyes-darkestnights · 4 years ago

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Show Must Go On

Part 6 of We Dance Together Now

An O’Knutzy au where Leo and Logan are still playing for the Lions, but Finn is a musician/grad student they met by chance on a roadie in Montreal.

Read Part 5 here:

Part 5 - Gold Rush

I also stuck this up on AO3, my username there is the same :)

As always, these beautiful characters and their world belong to the incredible @lumosinlove ! Her work is amazing, and I’m so happy to get to play with some of the people and places she’s created <3

The songs I referenced in here are Show Must Go On- Queen (briefly), I Wanna Dance With Somebody- Whitney Houston, and Ocean Eyes- Billie Eilish.

I hope you like it!!!

@sunflowerfox87 thanks for requesting to be tagged in updates! :)

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Logan

Logan stood nervously in front of the door to Finn and Leo’s apartment, wishing for the hundredth time that day that he hadn’t given in to Leo’s badgering to come by before Finn’s show tonight.

He was not looking forward to dealing with the consequences of his spiral last night. But he also didn’t want things to stay messed up between them, the way they had been that morning.

What he did want, was to pretend the whole thing had never happened. So, he’d spent his day searching for reasons to delay coming over, prolonging the amount of time he could spend not dealing with it.

But eventually he had run out of excuses, so now he was here. He could hear laughter coming from inside. That seemed like a good sign. He reached up and knocked before he could talk himself out of it, listening to the familiar sound of footsteps crossing the entryway.

Then Leo was there, smiling and holding open the door, still in the sweats he wore home from practise.

“Hey Tremz, come on in.”

Logan never been good at faking smiles, so he just nodded down at Leo’s legs, “Nice pants. You should have told me it was dress-down day at the Burrow.”

Leo just gave him a sarcastic look. “Ha ha. Very funny. I’m on my way to get changed now. Finn’s in the kitchen. Eat something if you’re hungry. I’ll be right back.”

He seemed like his usual self. That made Logan feel a bit better. Maybe he’d overreacted. Maybe everything was fine.

Leo left for his room, and Logan headed over to where Finn was finishing up the dishes in the kitchen.

“Hey, Fish.” He took a seat at the island, hoping he sounded normal too.

Finn turned at the greeting, his face lighting up when he caught sight of Logan.

“Lo! Hey. You’re here. How were the kids?”

Part of Logan’s procrastination that afternoon had involved volunteering to spend several hours playing a pickup game with the Dumais kids and their friends at the outdoor rink near their house- something he liked, but certainly wouldn’t have brushed off Leo and Finn for any other day.

“They’re good. Katie’s getting pretty cocky on the ice. I think she’s gonna end up as a captain one day.”

“Ah. Good for her.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence fell. Finn fidgeted with a dish towel, smiling nervously at him. Finn was never nervous.

Ok, so things were definitely not fine. Logan felt guilty as he remembered the laughter he had heard through the door. He didn’t want to be the cause of another ruined evening.

Leo reappeared at the other end of the kitchen island. “Do you want a drink, Tremz?”

“I’m sorry.” Logan blurted out.

Leo and Finn both looked surprised at his apology.

“Sorry… for what, exactly?” asked Leo, looking confused.

Logan was already regretting saying anything. But he was committed now. “Uh… for this morning. And last night, I guess. I was in a weird ass mood, and I didn’t mean to be weird to you guys too. I’m good now, though, so Finn, you can stop being all nervous around me. I don’t want to fuck up the evening. This is stupid.”

Finn jumped in to reassure him. “What? No, Logan, no, we were all weird this morning, don’t worry about that. That’s not what…”

He stopped suddenly, and shot a glance at Leo, looking even more nervous than he had a few moments before. Leo nodded back, subtly, but Logan caught it.

Now he was confused. What the hell was that?

He watched as Finn took the few steps around the island to stand next to Leo, who was looking at Logan with careful eyes.

“Tremz, we wanted to talk to you about something, if that’s ok?”

It was an innocuous question, but something in Leo’s voice put Logan on hyper alert. He jerked his attention to Finn, who was looking nervously up at Leo. He felt a chill go straight through his chest and settle in the pit of his stomach.

Oh.

He forced his eyes down to where their fingers were touching on the countertop.

Shit.

He stood up quickly, his chair screeching loudly as it slid back on the tiles. He couldn’t look away from their hands.

Leo followed his gaze down and yanked his arm back toward himself. “Lo…”

“Non.” He interrupted, “Non. Désolé. It’s good. That’s good, I- I am happy for you guys.” He swung his eyes wildly around the room, looking for an escape. He needed to leave, to get out, but Leo and Finn were standing between him and the front door.

He backed up a few steps, nearly tripping on the chair he didn’t remember knocking over as he remembered the balcony door. He grabbed for it, yanking it open and rushing out, sliding it closed behind himself.

He slid down the wall next to the door. Out of sight. Déjà vu. Just like that morning.

He was dizzy.

Breathe, Logan. He sucked in the fresh air. Once. Twice. Three times.

He tried to let the evening breeze calm him. He was making this into a scene again. He needed to pull it together before it became a thing.

He tried to reason with himself. You saw this coming. You know how well they fit together. You’ve suspected it since Ilvermorny.

He had even thought he would be ok with it.

He hadn’t known it would feel like this, though.

Just get it together. Make it through the night. That’s all you have to do. You can do it.

He gave himself to the count of 5 to compose himself, and then stood and slid the door back open. He stayed where he was, though, and waited for them to join him. He could do this, but he couldn’t do it inside, where he couldn’t breathe.

When Leo and Finn came, neither of them stood between him and the door, and Logan was grateful.

“Lo…” Leo’s voice was hesitant. “You didn’t let us finish.”

“Oui, je sais, I’m sorry, I was just surprised.” He plastered a smile on his face. “But, uh, congratulations?”

Finn shook his head. “That’s not really what we wanted to talk to you about. Or, I mean, it is, but that’s not all of it.”

It seemed to Logan like that first bombshell was more than enough information for the day, but he didn’t want to make this worse, so he went along with it anyway. “Ok. What else?”

Leo took back over, speaking slowly, like he was considering each word before he said it. “So… this afternoon, Finn and I talked, and we realized that maybe this—” He gestured between the three of them. “Us. Isn’t what we thought it was.”

Logan wasn’t following. Finn noticed and tried to explain.

“I told Leo, or, well, I guess I didn’t tell him, I kind of just sang at him, but it mostly got the point across, and—”

“Finn.” Leo cut him off, gently.

Finn flushed. “Right. Sorry. The point,” his voice softened, “is that I made him aware that the feelings I had for him were more than just friendship. Which you figured out. But we also talked about the fact that… well, we know you feel the same way about him too.”

Finn’s voice was gentle, cautious but his words cut through Logan anyway. He felt the panic start to rise again. Fuck.

“What are you talking about?” Logan knew his words were sharper than they needed to be, but he couldn’t bring himself to temper them.

“Logan, it’s ok. I promise. That’s how I feel about you too.” Leo rushed, all of his previous caution gone. “And it’s how I feel about Finn, and I also know that’s how you feel about Finn. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, and I’ve been looking at you both the same way. You just didn’t notice. None of us noticed.”

Logan was frozen in place, his eyes zigzagging wildly between the two men standing across from him.

They knew. They knew.

“What the fuck?”

He couldn’t deny it. He didn’t know if he wanted to deny it.

“Leo. Finn. What the fuck??”

Finn took a step forward, wide brown eyes completely unguarded as they locked onto Logan’s. His vulnerability sent Logan’s heart spinning. “We wanted to talk to you. We wanted to see if you wanted this too. If there was a way, if there was any way, that we could make this work. All of us. Do you think there could be?”

All of us. Logan hadn’t known that was a thing that could happen. But now that the idea was in front of him, it felt right. Like it had been right all along. His heart soared. Of course he wanted it too. With every fibre of his being, he wanted it. They liked him. They wanted him.

He could never have them.

Reality came crashing down around him.

He forced himself to answer Finn’s question.

“It doesn’t matter what I want, Finn. I can’t—” He looked at Leo. He would understand. “Leo. It can’t work out like this.”

“It can, Logan. As long as we are all on the same page, it can.”

Leo didn’t understand. Suddenly Logan felt very alone. His temper flared.

“You know it’s not that easy, Leo.” He snapped. “It doesn’t work like that! It can’t work like that. We are in the NHL, Nut! The NHL. We’ve worked our whole lives for this, and you’ve seen how people are. Look at what happened to Cap!”

Leo hadn’t been there at All-Stars after everything that happened to Sirius and Loops. He didn’t see how bad it got, how many phone calls Sirius had to take from Coach, how scared he was that entire weekend. Logan had taken his phone and deleted every social media app he had, but he had still been bombarded with hate from hockey fans and, worse, from people within the league itself.

Leo’s voice was firmer now. “Exactly, Logan. Look at Sirius. At his example. He is our captain. He is our gay captain, who is still very much playing in the NHL. And not just playing. He’s leading the league.”

“That is the POINT, Nut! He is the captain. He is arguably the best player in the league right now. And there were still that many people trying to kick him out! This is my second season. You’re a rookie. Do you really think people are going to go to bat for us like they did for him? For the two newest, youngest players on the team? We are expendable!”

He had thought about this. About the impossibility of it all. From the moment he had recognized his feelings for Leo, he had known it would never work.

He waited for Leo to get it now, to agree. But instead, Leo just moved to lean against the wall next to him, keeping a few feet between them. His voice was gentle when he replied.

“Yes, Logan. I do think they would go to bat for us. I know Sirius would. Coach would. Alice would. I’m not saying we should do anything publicly, but behind the scenes, you know that they would work to help protect us in the case that anything ever came out in the future.”

He shifted, turning so that he could look Logan in the eye for what he said next. “It was never going to be easy for people like us, Tremz. I’m terrified too. I never meant to be in this position either, but we are, and… what happened with Sirius…” He shook his head, his gaze dropping. It was still hard for him to think about too, Logan realized. “…what happened with Sirius showed us that the people who matter, the people we need to have our backs, will. We are allowed to live, Logan.”

Logan had never wanted something to be true so badly. He ran over Leo’s words in his mind. We are allowed to live.

“I don’t want to lie, Leo. I don’t want to hide. That’s not who I am.”

“We don’t have to. We can tell the people who matter, Lo. It’s nobody else’s business. It’s only about what makes us comfortable. What makes us happy. Neither of us are ever going to push you into anything you don’t want, or that you aren’t ready for. I just don’t ever want you to think that you can’t have what will make you happy. You deserve to be happy. Whether it’s with us or not.”

Logan listened to the kindness in Leo’s voice, and felt the fight drain out of him. He was so tired of constantly battling against himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. That fire that always burned inside him had fizzled out, leaving him with nothing but the feelings he had been trying to push away for months. Feelings for the two people who were standing right in front of him, right now, telling him that they wanted him too. That he could have them, too. That he could have this, and his career, and it could work.

He wanted to believe it.

He looked up at Leo, beside him. At Finn, standing quietly across from him. He tried to imagine walking away from them right now. It made him feel sick.

Finn spoke into the silence. “Logan, I can’t pretend to understand what your job is like. And I won’t try. But I do need you to know that I am here, and I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you decide to do. I’ll always be here, in whatever capacity you need.”

Logan’s throat tightened at Finn’s words and suddenly he knew that he was done. It was over. He was going to trust them. Relief flooded through him as he accepted it.

He didn’t want to talk anymore, but he knew they needed to hear him say it. So he pulled together as much composure as he could and tried his best.

“I didn’t want to want you. I tried so hard not to want you. I told myself so many times that I could do it, that I could keep my feelings under control.” His voice was shaky. He looked at Leo. At Finn. “But you took over everything. Everything.”

He breathed out the next words as he felt himself moving closer to Finn. “I don’t want to fight it anymore. I can’t- I just want—” He hoped they could understand what he was trying to say.

It seemed that they did, because suddenly they were both right in front of him, and one of his hands was behind Finn’s neck, and the other was desperately reaching out for Leo and finally- finally- he stopped fighting against himself.

He pulled Finn to him, and then Finn’s lips were on his lips, and Leo’s were on his jaw, and all of his senses were lit up like a lightning storm. In that moment, his entire world was just that apartment, that balcony, those boys. He let himself get lost in the feeling of it all, pulling away from Finn to connect with Leo, pulling away from Leo to let them connect with each other. Everything was so bright.

It felt like forever, and not long enough, when they finally took a moment to catch their breath. Logan let his eyes roam over their tangled forms from where he was still wrapped around Leo, and let out a quiet, wonder-filled laugh. Leo turned to him and tilted his head in question, his chest still heaving where Finn was resting against it. Logan just leaned in and kissed him again, gently this time. He leaned their foreheads together and touched his fingertips to Leo’s lips. “Quand je t'embrasse… je vois des couleurs.”

Leo’s shining blue eyes softened at that, and Logan felt his grip tighten around his waist before Finn, never a fan of being left out, started to complain. “Hey! Don’t speak French. That looked cute. I want to hear the cute things! What did he say?”

Logan laughed, and Leo grinned at him mischievously before turning back to Finn. “Logan’s vision goes all technicolour when he kisses us.”

Logan’s jaw dropped mid-laugh. “Nutty! That is not what I said! It was much nicer when I said it. You make it sound like a bad Austin Powers scene.” He pouted.

Finn laughed back and ran a thumb along Logan’s lower lip, erasing the pout. “Well, if you would speak English in the first place, you wouldn’t have to rely on a faulty translator.”

It was Leo’s turn to protest. “Hey! I’m not faulty!” He paused, fighting back a smirk. “I’m freestyling.”

“Oh, fuck off!” Logan laughed and gave him a shove. Leo was just reaching out to retaliate when Finn’s phone interrupted, suddenly blasting Show Must Go On at an absolutely obnoxious volume.

All three of them startled, Leo and Logan freezing with Logan’s hand still twisted in the shoulder of Leo’s shirt. Finn frantically spun around, looking for the source of the music.

He finally spotted his phone on an end table and scooped it up, silencing it with a relieved sigh before looking over to where Logan was staring at him incredulously.

“… what?” He looked a little suspicious as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

“What do you mean, ‘what’? Was that an alarm?? Why don’t you have beeps like a normal person?? Merde, Harz, you scared the shit out of us.”

“It’s Finn, Lo. He used a song to start this party, of course he’s going to use one to end it.” Leo’s voice was playful. Finn wrinkled his nose at them.

“Beeps are boring.” He crossed his arms defensively. “Music is more fun. And it’s my reminder that I have a show tonight. Hence—” He swept his arms dramatically out over the balcony railing and bowed to an imaginary crowd, “—'Show Must Go On’.” He spun back to smile brightly at the two of them. “It’s perfect. You’re just a hater.”

Leo laughed, but Logan was still stuck on what Leo had said.

“Hold on, Nut, back up. You said he used a song to start this party? Finn said he sang things at you. Can I know the story?” He wanted to know how they had gotten up the nerve to set this in motion.

“Oh,” Leo turned to Finn, who nodded even though he suddenly looked uncharacteristically self-conscious, “I kind of walked in on Finn playing a song about us this afternoon. When I got back from practise.”

“A song about us? Like, he wrote it? About us?” That was not what he expected. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it- after all, he hadn’t exactly been his best self around Finn recently.

“Ya, that was pretty much my reaction while I listened, too. That’s what finally made us talk about all of this. It’s a beautiful song. Prettier than either of us, that’s for sure.” He teased

“Hey, speak for yourself, I am very pretty.” Logan retorted reflexively, but he was distracted.

He had been watching Finn as Leo talked, and he noticed him doing the thing he always did when they brought up his music, twisting his hands together and looking anywhere but at them- looking, in fact, like he would rather be doing anything else than talking about his music. He’d never asked him about it before, but he’d always wondered.

“Finn?”

“Hmm?” Finn looked up, a smile returning like it had never left.

“Why do you do that? Look away when we talk about your music?”

“Oh. Umm…” Finn looked surprised, his eyes going wide before darting back down again. He opened his mouth as if to continue, but closed it again without speaking.

Logan felt Leo’s hand tighten around his shoulder, but he ignored the gentle warning and barrelled on.

“You’re good, Finn. Like, really good. As in, you could do this as a career, good. So why are you so shy when we say that?”

Finn didn’t look back up, and when he replied, his voice was small, and quiet. Not at all like Finn.

“I can’t, actually.” He scuffed his shoe against a mark on the balcony floor.

Logan tilted his head, puzzled. “Can’t what?” He prodded gently.

Finn took a breath and looked back up a Logan, his jaw set. “I can’t do music professionally. I tried. That��s why I moved to Gryffindor. I spent the first few years here only going to school part-time, and spending as much time as I could just writing, and practising, and playing any venue that would have me. I have knocked on every single record label door in this city. Multiple times. They don’t want me. And it took me a long time to understand that. So, I gave that dream up. Now I just play for fun. For me.”

Logan was stunned. “Finn, I’m sorry, I—”

Finn cut him off, his expression softening. “No, Lo, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I should have told you guys that before. It’s not like it’s a big secret. I just… it’s hard. It’s hard to hear people say nice things about my music when I know it’s not good enough. You know? So I don’t always like talking about it. And it’s also… I mean, you’re both professional athletes. I’m so proud of you guys all the time, because you know what it’s like to work hard for what you want and to actually achieve it. And I didn’t want you to think less of me because I couldn’t do that.”

“Finn…” Leo started to reach out, but pulled his hand back. “I am so sorry if we’ve ever done anything to give you the impression that we would ever judge you. I promise, nothing you’ve ever said to us, today or any other day, could ever make me think less of you.”

Finn chuckled a bit, still looking at the ground. “I know. Logically, I know that. But sometimes it takes my heart a while to catch up to my brain.” He studied them for a moment before continuing. “I am really glad that you like my songs though. That makes me happy.”

“Like them?” Leo scoffed. “Finn, I threw away every rule I’d given myself and kissed you after you sang to me. I more than like your music.”

Finn actually laughed then, finally, and stepped toward them. Logan watched him reach out for their hands and slide their fingers together. He rubbed his thumb along the edge of Finn’s calloused fingers, imaging the guitar strings underneath them.

“That means a lot. Really. It took me a while to be able to write again after I finally realized it wasn’t going to happen.” He chewed his lip as he considered his words. “I was in a pretty dark place. It was Molly, actually, at the Burrow, who convinced me to let the music pull me out of it. And she was right, of course. Once I stopped trying to think of every lyric as a job application, I was able to actually enjoy it again, to remember why I loved it in the first place. It’s how I sort out my thoughts when everything is too messy in my head.”

Something shook loose in Logan’s memory then. “Wait… that song. The one you played the first night we came to see you here. There was a line… ‘I remember nights when art didn’t feel like work’. You said it was about moving to Gryffindor but… is this what it was actually about? Is that what you felt like?”

Finn looked surprised. “You remember that?”

“Yes. I also remember telling you that I liked that song and wanted to download it, so you should have known I would remember it.” he teased.

Finn grinned at him. “I thought you were just being nice. And yes, that is what that song was about. But, if it’s ok, I don’t really want to talk about it anymore right now.” His expression grew mischievous as he pulled himself closer to Logan, and to Leo. “I have two beautiful, perfect men standing on my balcony that I would very much like to—”

His phone blared from his pocket again.

“No!” Finn yanked it out of his pocket, silenced it, and threw it grumpily onto the chair cushion. “Rude. How did that go by so fast?”

Leo laughed, reaching his hands above his head for a lazy stretch before pulling Finn’s head in for a hug. “So, is that our siren call? Do we have to head out now?”

Finn sighed, deeply and dramatically. “Yes. The time has come, my friends. It’s to the plank we go.”

“Oh, shut up,” Logan grinned, ruffling Finn’s hair. “You love the Burrow.”

“I would love it more if it wasn’t interrupting this.”

“We have all night to do more of this.” Leo reminded him. “Lo and I have the day off tomorrow, and you don’t have class on the weekends.”

“That’s true.” Finn perked up. “You always were the smart one, Marigold. Ok, let’s go!”

Finn ducked out of Leo’s reach as the younger boy tried to retaliate against the nickname Finn only ever used to annoy him. The two of them were laughing now, but Logan felt his anxiety start to rise up at the thought of leaving the apartment, of going into a public space.

He reached out an arm to catch Finn on his way through the door. “Wait. Just… one second.”

Finn and Leo both stopped, looking at him curiously. He suddenly felt self-conscious.

“Um, before we go, can we just… can we agree that this is just between us? Just for now?”

Leo moved to stand directly in front of him, right next to Finn. He waited until Logan met his eyes, and then held them, steady.

“Logan. Of course. We told you we have no intention of doing anything you aren’t ready for and we meant it. And you’re not alone. I don’t think either of us is ready for this to be between anyone but us right now either.”

Finn nodded his agreement. “For everyone else, we are just three best friends, going to a coffee shop to watch a show and drink some liquid sugar. It’s us, Logan. You’re safe with us. I promise.” He grinned and shoved Logans hat down over his eyes. “Now seriously. Let’s go before I kiss one of you again and miss my start time.”

---

Finn

It was the longest show of Finn’s life. He tried his best to be in the moment, but all he could think of was how badly he wanted to be back at the apartment, with the two men he absolutely could not look at the entire time he played.

He had glanced over when he had finished his set-up, taking a moment before starting to just remind himself that they were real, that all of this was real.

Leo had been laughing at something Logan said, and Logan was watching him from across the table with a look that tugged at Finn’s heartstrings. He would never get over it- these two athletes with their strong postures and broad shoulders, their open smiles, and beautiful eyes. One so kind, and steady, and sure, the other so wild and passionate. And they wanted him. It was insane. Leo had noticed Finn watching and sent him a smile that made his heart skip, and Finn knew if he wanted to get through the set, he couldn’t look over again. It was a weird moment for him, as he remembered how awful it had been the first time he’d thought that exact thing, in this same place, at the first show they had ever come to see him play. This time he had a much happier reason to avoid looking their way.

Finn worked his way through the setlist he had rehearsed, trying his best to be present and give the audience his best. It was an easy enough set, all cover songs he had played a hundred times before. He decided at the last minute to throw in a new cover of one of his favourite Eagles songs, taking a quick glance to see that Leo caught the joke. He did, and Finn watched him lean over to explain it to Logan before he had to look away.

For once, the boys were ready to go immediately after he finished cleaning up. He stuck around long enough to give Molly a hug, feeling particularly sentimental toward her after that afternoon, and then they were all piled into his car and blasting Leo’s 90s pop playlist with the windows down.

Finn felt lighter than he had in a very long time. The weight of his secrets was finally off his shoulders, and the knowledge that when they got home he could kiss the boys currently screaming along to Christina Aguilera in the passenger seats of his car eclipsed all his other worries.

They managed to keep it together for the entire walk up from the parking lot, but as soon as the door shut behind them, Logan had Finn pinned up against it. Leo linked back up to the Bluetooth system and Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody blared through the apartment. Finn laughed into Logan’s mouth when he heard it, pushing him forward into the living room and shoving the coffee table out of the way as Leo danced up behind them.

Leo grabbed Logan’s hands and drew him in for his own kiss, dipping him low and spinning around to twirl him away and pull Finn in. The air was electric as they moved: spinning and touching and kissing and jumping. Too full of dizzy energy to stay in one spot for more than the amount of time it took to pull in close and explode apart. They were sweating and panting and laughing in the dim lighting, reveling in each other’s touch as they danced together in a way they’d never been able to before.

At one point, Finn had tried to step back from the chaos, to let Leo and Logan have a moment while he tried to take it all in. But Leo had reeled him back in close instead, pulling Logan in to sandwich him from the other side.

“We dance together now.” he had said, voice low and confident in their ears.

His words had lit Finn up, set his mind reeling with everything that had happened in the past 12 hours, with the feeling of having both boys there in his arms. He didn’t think he would ever be calm again.

But as the night wore on the energy gradually shifted, and by the time Ocean Eyes came up on the playlist, Finn was finally slowing down. Logan was next, dropping his head to Finn’s shoulder, and then Leo wrapped his long arms around both of them, swaying together as the lyrics washed over them. They were quiet together then, just breathing in each other’s presence. Finn buried his face in Logan’s dark curls, and felt Logan reaching for Leo’s hand. Leo had his chin resting on Finn’s head, and Finn had never felt more right than he did in that moment. He sang along quietly to the lyrics, relishing the way Logan sank further into him as he did.

As the final notes played out, Leo pulled away long enough to switch off his phone. They collapsed together on the couch then, somehow even more wound together than they had been before. Finn wasn’t sure he ever wanted to be farther apart from them than this, ever again.

---

Leo

The three of them sat in silence for a few moments, hands roaming and fingers tangling together as they settled down. Leo couldn’t stop pressing kisses to Finn’s temple.

It was Logan who eventually broke their silence, sighing contentedly from where he was burrowed low in between them.

“I like this apartment.” His voice was soft as his fingertips traced shapes on Leo’s leg.

Leo caught Finn’s eye before the two of them looked over at him.

“You do?” Finn asked.

“Ya.” He paused for moment, looking thoughtful. “It reminds me of the woods, back home.”

That made Finn smile. “Lo, we don’t have so much as a potted plant in here.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Logan looked a little embarrassed then. “I meant like, mentally. I don’t know. It’s kind of stupid, actually. Never mind.”

Leo pulled Logan a little tighter. “Hey, no. Keep going. We want to know.”

“We do.” Finn agreed, running a finger down the length of Logan’s nose before leaning down to kiss the tip of it. “Please tell us?”

Logan rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again now. He shoved himself up to actually sit properly on the couch between them. “I just… at home, when I’m hiking or camping, it’s just quiet.”

Finn turned to fully face Logan, his arms wrapped around his legs and chin resting on his knees. Leo leaned against his end of the couch as they listened to Logan talk.

Logan continued. “It’s just you, you know? There are no other voices around to get in your head, nothing to worry about or stress over, and it’s… free, I guess. I’m free in the woods” He paused for a moment, looking like he was trying to decide whether to say more. Leo ran a reassuring hand down his arm and wove their fingers together.

Logan smiled down to where they connected, took a breath, and continued, “It’s the only place where I didn’t have to pretend. Where I could let myself feel all of the things I needed to feel. Admit things to myself that I never could have when there were other people around. Other reminders of the real world, you know?” He looked up at Leo. “It’s the place where I finally accepted that what I felt for you was much, much different than what I was supposed to feel for a teammate. It’s a safe place.”

Leo was looking at Logan. This impossibly beautiful boy. Logan was looking back at him, evergreen eyes open and unguarded. It made Leo’s stomach flip. He reached out for Logan then, and pulled him close.

Finn spoke up, quietly, from where he still sat. “And that’s what you feel when you’re here?”

Logan nodded. “Ya. That’s how I feel when I’m here.”

Leo watched Finn melt, sliding down the couch to hug Logan from the other side. “That makes me so happy. I want this to always be that place for you.” He whispered, twining his fingers with Leo’s where they rested on Logan’s chest.

“You’re that place for us, Lo.” Leo pressed their hands firmly against Logan’s heartbeat. “You make us feel safe too.”

After a moment, Logan cleared his throat and spoke again.

“Those woods are also the first place I accidentally drunk-peed on a skunk.”

That pulled a surprised, and probably highly unattractive, snort out of Leo.

Finn pulled back to look at Logan incredulously, “I’m sorry, the FIRST time?!?”

Logan just grinned in response.

“Please tell me that’s a real story.”

“It is.”

“Tell it to us, right now!” Finn demanded gleefully.

Logan laughed again as he leaned back into the couch cushions to start his story. Leo took a second to just take it all in. Logan, care-free and laughing. Finn, eyes glowing with delighted anticipation.

He sent out a silent thank you to whatever part of the universe had worked its magic in the last 24 hours, and settled in to listen, arms wrapped around both of the boys.

His boys.

---

#lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #Coast To Coast #o'knutzy

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gloster · 4 years ago

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FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I know I speak for all when I say....I cannot wait to toss 2020 out the door the way Uncle Phil constantly did with Jazz. One of the things that got me through this rough year, besides family & friends & BTS, were fanfics.

It’s that time of year again where I make a list of all the fanfics that I absolutely adored. Some are by veteran favs of mine, others are new to me who just knocked it out of the park. If you’re interested in past lists, here is 2019′s list and 2018′s. If y’all are interested in doing your own fanfic favs of the year, please do so and tag me. Always on the hunt for new favs.

So without furhter ado, my fav fanfics of 2020:

1). Another Word for Forever series by stardropdream (sheith)

Summary: Shiro knows better than to expect love in an arranged marriage. This is all for the sake of universal peace, after all, and solidifying a Terran-Galran alliance. At the very least, Shiro can hope to make a friend out of this. Becoming friends would be much easier, though, if he and his husband could actually communicate.

With a language barrier and a mountain of cultural differences between them, getting to know Keith proves to be a challenge. Luckily, Shiro's always worked well with challenges.

2020 shockingly became the year of sheith. I ended up rewatching the show w/my bestie @littlenightdragon. Diving more deeply into it w/my other bestie @kila09. She and I spent the better half of this year devouring so many fanfics of them in various AUs. I came across new fanfic authors, and stardropdream is among them.

If I could describe this series & stardropdream, I’ll take a cue from Lady Gaga: “ talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it”

This series was just PERFECTION. I’ve gotten into arranged-marriage AUs and this has been one of the best I’ve read. It was just perfection. The language barrier definitely added an extra charm to it, in which Shiro finds his own ways to get to know his husband better: both creative and funny ways. So many cute moments, so many funny moments with Hunk being the translating middle man between them, and the smut. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. Just *chef’s kiss* Incredible. It was just so so sweet, and such a comfort read. I reread this series 5 times already and hope Robin (the writer) does more stories in this AU.

Please read this series. You’re not gonna regret it. It will MELT your heart.

Honorable Mentions:

If I Called You Mine

Sail Across the Sky Just to Get to You

Finding Shelter (The Alien Baby Remix)

Say You Do(n’t)

2). The Golden Hour by @goldentruth813 (sheith)

Summary: After a space mission failure, Shiro loses his arm and his career. Two years later he's settled into a quiet and simple new life on his farm, but when a beautiful alien crashes in his field, he discovers the answers to his questions—and possibly the keys to his future—will come from the stars.

I’m sure no one, least of all Janel the writer herself, is surprised to see this author featured on this list. For now the 3rd year in a row. WOOOW 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 She is the reason I got into shieth, and she just continues to put out amazing conent with them. This story by far has been the best she’s done this year-possibly one of the best ever.

We have Shiro trying to have a simple life at the farm with his dog and animals. A curious BOM Keith who shakes things up with his boldness/innocence-and questions bound to test blood pressure, especially Shiro’s. Loads of cute moments, loads of funny moments, and also loads of oreos.

If summary and my thoughts don’t sell you, only one thing will: reading it for yourself.

Honorable mentions:

Two Hearts in Bloom

Mountain Men

Home is in Your Heart

3). Spun like Gold by Neyasochi (sheith)

Summary: Though Shiro is currently operating his fledgling bakery business out of a decrepit food truck he got for cheap in a repossession sale, he dreams of something more: a cozy bakery and cafe on a tree-lined street somewhere, filled with the smell of fresh coffee and sugar glaze instead of diesel. A little money could go a long way to helping him get off the ground-- and luckily, Keith has money to burn.

Or: Keith takes care of Shiro’s financial woes, in exchange for a little sugar.

OMG, OMG, OMG was this story so sweet. Neyasochi already sold me with the baking/baker Shiro trope, but went a step further throwing in sugar-daddy Keith who knows his way around his manic family and cars, but when it comes to asking a cute guy out? What better way to make an impression than becoming his best paying customer?

Honorable mentions:

oh, devour me

Healing Touch

on your hand of gold

4). The Destiny You Sold by @tryslora (drarry)

Summary: In which Draco knits, Harry makes wands, and things get very tangled up between them.

If there’s one thing I love about fanfics is how they introduce you to tropes you never would consider before. Draco and knitting was a combo I didn’t realize how much I needed until now. And I love the fact knitting played a big part of the accidental bonding. Also loved the fact everyone in their friend group shipped them like crazy. Highly, highly recommend

5) What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd (drarry)

Summary: Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand.

The Quidditch World Cup is only a week away; as Captain of the English National Team, Hermione has assured him that his immaturity won’t be tolerated by the Ministry.

And then Malfoy shows up.

(Inspired by the blink-182 song of the same name.)

It’s no secret that I’m such a fangirl of @lazywonderlvnd. Any drarry story I read, I always love. Last year, I ADORED The Changing Lights, which was one of my favorites last year, and her updating/finishing the story was a massive highlight for me. I thank ya for that.

This story was honestly refreshing. I’ve grown so used to Harry being responsible, always doing what’s right, that seeing a story where Harry pretty much has his middle finger in the air to “good reputation”, “being responsible,” because as he brought up: “I’m 25. I’ve been fighting all my life. I’ve earned my life to have fun.”

Okay, granted, it wasn’t quite like that but it was along those lines. And I agree. After all he went through, Harry deserves to have fun. He deserves to be reckless and make stupid decisions.

Also, it was such a blast reading a story where Harry is the brat & Draco has to keep him in line. LOVED.

Honorable mentions:

Inside Your Mind

Aletheia

6). Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (drarry)

Summary: When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love.

Do not let the title fool you like it did me. Title alone, I was thinking it was going to be a fun, fluffy story involving baking, maybe chocolate crafting. However....it was not that at all. It was more. A lot deeper. A lot more angsty. It explored mental health, PTSD and the dangers of loved ones ignoring the signs, and contained an important message:

You can’t love someone out of their illness/disease/ addiction. Which is true and this story showed that.

7). i’m still here by owedbetter (zutara)

Summary: "You see me."

And somehow, that makes all the difference.

If there’s one of the few good things 2020 has brought, it was Netflix bringing back ATLA to their library. Which in turn ignited my love for zutara & had me drag @kila09 into that ship.

This story was just incredible. The way it was written, it really felt like it could have been canon. Deleted scenes that a certain creator didn’t want us to see. The way Zuko and Katara came together, starting from their peaceful friendship after the Southern Raiders episode up, becoming closer along the way.

I dare y’all to read this and not think OMG...is this secret canon bonus material? I definitely plan to read more by owedbetter.

8). all the what ifs i never said by rosegardenlake (sheith)

Summary: Keith is nine when he first notices Shiro. Shiro is gentle and quiet, always keeping to himself. Keith is rough and loud, running wherever his feet will take him, screaming on the top of his lungs into the wind. But despite that, they're a constant throughout each other's lives...if only that could be enough. As they grow, Keith just wants them both to be happy, but instead, he's falling apart.

Rosegardenlake is another sheith writer who I adored last year & adore this year as well. This was a story that I read during the beginning of quarantine-life and when I tell you the number of times Keith’s emotions of loneliness got to me, it’s a big number.

Keith’s struggle with life after high school, after peaking in school, and his mental health reminded me too much of where I was at 2018, which wasn’t a good year for me at all, especially mentally. So that was triggering but it was also helpful since I saw how far I came. And it was beautiful seeing how far Keith came.

Also the relationship between Shiro and Keith was just beautiful. It’s very funny how Keith was Shiro’s protector growing up and Shiro became Keith’s later on in life. There’s a chance your heart may be heavy, but will also be so swelled up with feelings these two bring it.

Honorable mentions:

Where the Light Doesn’t Reach

9). When Night Comes by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS; poly ot7)

Summary: Jungkook’s tipsy, but he’s not buzzed enough to miss that he doesn’t recognize any of the four dozen people here. And seeing as his friends aren’t ones to ditch and there’s no way they’d play a prank this mean on him, Jungkook reaches the conclusion that he just walked into a stranger’s very expensive home, uninvited, and started eating their food and petting their well-dressed dog.

(Or: Jungkook shows up to the wrong Halloween party and meets the most powerful family in Seoul.)

I can easily say Oh_Hey_Tae easily one of my favorite BTS fanfic favs. Always come through with the stories, and this one was just amazing. We have Jungkook stumbling into a Halloween story, and soon enters into a intense, insane relationship with all six guys, who are already in a relationship with each other. Oh, and supernatural creatures at that.

You do see certain relationships are stronger, deeper. For example, a lot of moments between Jin and Jungkook. Vmin has their own story and moments. But it was just so amazing.

Fair warning. Halfway through, things get darker and Oh_My_Tae really loves playing readers diirty with the angst, but it’s so good.

10). peace-weaver by magisterpavus (sheith)

Summary: You will be the peace-weaver, his mother told him, smiling though her dark eyes welled with unshed grief. The one who brings two bitter enemies together and ends the bloodshed and death between us, once and for all.

But men will always crave war. The Galra, most of all.

Yet another arranged-marriage AU that I loved. This particular one is well-loved in the sheith fandom. I can definitely say it’s considered one of the classic fanfics that’s been read or shared at one point or another.

The story itself reminded me a lot of Macbeth, involving murder and dark forces at bay. The dynamics between Shiro and Keith reminded me of Drogo and Daenerys from GOT, one of my fav couples there, which only made it all the more better for me.

I do credit the author for the creative approach they took with quintessence and Shiro’s role/persona as the Champion

Honorable mentions:

The Boy in the Window

Sheith Demon/Priest AU

A Matter of Scale

Directive

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

Hold Me Tight, or Don’t by snowfallen (yoonmin with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU featuring assassins and hitmen, secret identities, fake marriage, and a lot of smut)

The Prince and Pirate by Maniacani, @nerdherderette (drarry with a splash of royalty and pirates. Perfect if you’re needing to fill in any Pirates of the Caribbean or Black Sails cravings)

First Kisses are the Best Ones by SashaDistan (sheith in a 50 First Dates Fusion heartfelt/heart-gutting story)

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1 (drarry w/Harry explaining the many ways why Draco’s the love of his life. we love to see it)

The Sacrificed by SasuNarufan13 (sasunaru w/ dark fairytale elements similar to Little Red Riding Hood & Beauty and the beast + feat. mpreg)

Chasing Treacle Tart (and Draco Malfoy) by xErised (drarry feat. lunch lady Draco + scheming Harry + loads of fun w/sweets & more)

Red Desert by @beatitudinembty (taekook in a unique sci-fi AU; hard to explain but so worth a read

one way ticket to another life by starboykeith (sheith Hades x Persephone background)

Even So by lewilder (zutara; arranged marriage+ language barrier +soft strangers to lovers)

Well, lovely people, there you have it. My top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. I do notice a certain ship shows up a lot on this list, but I wasn’t kidding when I said they took over this year. Still, I tried to mix the list up with other fav ships/fandoms of mine. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS

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hydraulicfluidinmyteapot · 4 years ago

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Pirates of the Caribbean

This is an ask from @shrigma-male, but i accidentally deleted the ask.. so sorry! I am high key excited to get an ask about this topic, as the Pirates of the Caribbean ride is probably one of my earliest animatronic centric obsessions. not only is it one of the earliest and most impressive feats of Imagineering, it also remains solid to this day. it houses a great many iconic animatronic figurines, all of which work together in perfect harmony to capture beautifully life filled scenes of a cohesive storyline. Its individual ride concept was so strong that it birthed a line of clones and even a famous movie franchise. isn’t that sick? a RIDE was the key source material for a whole movie series! but it’s unsurprising, with the time and care poured into the ride. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you think about it, the ride is JAM PACKED so there is a LOT to talk about. This will only be a super brief post information-wise, but who knows? There may be more to come if this performs well. Apologies, my life’s not going great at the moment and i don’t have a lot of spare time so this is not as high a quality as i would like it to be.

Here’s my fast fact file on it!

Debut: March 16, 1967

Withdrawal: All rides are still operating

Attraction: The Pirates of the Caribbean

Locations: Disneyland, Magic Kingdom, Tokyo Disneyland, Disneyland Paris, Shanghai Disney (but this one’s heavily modified)

Attraction Type: Dark ride

Riders Per Vehicle: 23–24

Number of vehicles: 50

Animatronics: 119 ish but it depends on the ride version

Ride videos: The entire ride varies from version to version and different people want to see different parts. i’m leaving you guys to find your own ride videos. it’s a very popular ride, just type on in to youtube and you’ll find heaps of nice high quality ones.

The thing that stands out about this ride is the theming and the sheer amount of effort put in to creating an immersive environment. the ride houses an impressive 119 audio animatronics, 53 of which are animals. There are 630,000 gallons of water in the ride (original Disneyland) and takes three whole days to drain. there are over 40,000 gold coins in the treasure room scene alone. It holds what could possibly be considered Disney’s first themed restaurant which can be seen at the start of the ride. It is objectively one of the coolest things I’ve ever ridden. I want to call specific attention to the boat scene, where cannons fare at each other from opposite ships, creating glowing impacts and throwing water about. the first time I rode it it ensnared my attention and completely suspended my disbelief.The ride system is based on the one used in it’s a small world, due to that rides incredible success in debuting a boat-based transport system. Although I hate it’s a small world with a burning passion and refuse to write anything on it, I must be forced to admit that it did wonders as a test on how to create a good dark ride, emphasising key features such as a high rider capacity, boat-based transport system, and proving that animatronics are an incredibly attractive key event. Since the 60’s when it debuted, the Pirates of the Caribbean ride has gone through many changes throughout its location, including entire scenes being added and removed. but what it has maintained throughout its historic run time is its notoriety and splendour. the key change that I will bring up is the 2006 and 2007 renovations that include more theming from the very successful movie franchise. slightly unrelated, but the song “Yo ho, a pirate’s life for me” was actually first written for the ride. The rides are all being constantly updated in minor ways whether it’s slightly improving the animatronics, touching up background details or changing costuming. I’ll attach here a brief sort of timeline of the ride that I’ve whipped up here, but it only touches on the most notable modifications. sorry about how crap-tier it is..

Now, to talk more specifically about animatronics. The animatronics used on this ride are some of the earliest made by Disney. some are really quite basic, with their full range of motions being a singular full body action such as raising and lowering out of a barrel, but others move heads and arms in (sort of) lifelike actions. Some are newer, (specifically captain Jack Sparrow), but most are the original ones from the 60’s. One of my (and everyone’s tbh) favourites is the redheaded lady. She is (very originally) named Redd. Previously she was being sold off for auction, but in 2018 she was swapped to being an auctioneer. She has stunning red curls and a beautiful dress to match, and now holds a gun. here’s a little before and after.

in the same refurbishment that changed her the mist screen in the tunnel before the fort battle was removed and replaced with a pirate in a cage who turns into a skeleton via an optical trick as well as an octopus playing with some medallions, along with the original 1967 narration about cursed treasure being restored. Her new version is based off none other than Anne Bonny herself (worth a google, she’s a fucking BOSS (like seriously!! Queer history icon!!! LOOK 👏 HER 👏 UP 👏 )) . She’s also displayed in dead man’s cove in a portrait, which I think is kinda neat. Her Paris version is completely silent, but the others yell about selling rum. Sadly I have never actually seen the new Redd in person, as I have only ridden the ride in Tokyo (where she is still being sold).

Now, the barker bird! oh how I love him so <3 he’s a little green pirate parrot, who spent his days crying about the ride. he was originally in the queue area but got kicked outside eventually to help deal with crowd control. he was then gotten rid of in 2006 in the big movie refurb. He was remarkably similar to the original barker bird who resided outside of the Enchanted Tikki Room; however, the pirate version has a peg leg, eye patch, tattoo on his chest and wondrously villainous hat. he was originally based off of Captain Flint, the parrot from Treasure Island. It is theorised that he has a skeletal clone inside the ride; the parrot belonging to “the Dirty Feet pirate”.

When you first get on the ride, the first animatronic you come across is Old Joe. he is an animatronic character used in multiple different attractions, including Liberty Belle Riverboat, The Western River and Mark Twain Riverboat. in each version, he lives in a shack and is associated with the banjo. I say associated because it is actually a really common misconception that he actually plays the banjo. he does not, it is just a dark scene and there is banjo music playing around him. you can see the tip of his pipe glowing as you approach it in the ride, lit up alongside the fireflies. he is a small taste of what is to come.

Barbossa replaced the original pirate captain of The Wicked Wench in the boat battle scene in the mass movie renovation. he is my tied favourite with the redhead, as his dialog adds so much to the scene. his character moves in a beautiful fashion, lit up by a spotlight. His face is artfully painted, capturing what I believe to be the most human expression in the entire ride. His boat is fighting a Castillo del Morro fortress of Isla Tesoro, whilst busy searching for treasure and presumably captain jack sparrow. in 2011 his WDW version’s outfit was swapped over to his privateer uniform from On Stranger Tides, to keep the ride tied to the movies. What can be considered quite odd is that in Paris’s later renovation, the Captain did not replace the Wicked Wench captain, and was rather added in to a scene at the end of the ride, in the skeleton grotto. he is standing on the shipwreck beside the skeleton helmsman, carrying a lantern.

The auctioneer. I don’t like him. greasy man. his eyes are wild. He’s originally voiced by Paul Frees (an icon, a legend) and is inspired by Captain Bartholomew Roberts (considered the most successful pirate in the golden age of piracy. He is also a pirate from the ship The Wicked Wench, and his auction is set up near a canteen called "La Cantina”. very creative. He was originally selling brides (human trafficking, not very snazzy) but now he sells chickens he stole from townspeople. however, this is unsuccessful. In the Paris version, instead of the chickens he is trying to sell a painting of Jean Laffite. Funnily enough, Jean is one of Disney’s sort of “stand in” pirate characters that they frequently just use whenever they need a pirate to slide in. Unfortunately, the auctioneer is always kept relatively up to date with the shiniest, newest technology that Disney can spare, and is always one of the most advanced figures on the ride. doesn’t deserve it, he’s slimy and I don’t like him. I should probably mention that he doesn’t actually have a name other than the auctioneer. There’s also a clone of him used in the haunted mansion for the duelling animatronics. loser.

This is a very long post, so I shall cut it here. I will leave you with an image gallery, further reading and a possible promise of a part two if this post does well. Thank you!

(ok so i actually haven’t got any further reading gathered yet. give me like 6 hours and ill fix it in an edit. i promise. i just want to get this post out asap)

#animatronic #audio animatronics #Audio Animatronic #animatronics #Disney #disney parks #pirates #pirates of the caribbean #redd #captain barbossa #history #long post

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crystaljins · 5 years ago

Text

River lead me home | 01

Characters: Seokjin x Reader

Word count: 9.2k

Synopsis: Ever since coming to the human realm when you were child, nothing seems to fit, and this was just supposed to be a simple roadtrip to help you find yourself.

Is that too much to ask for?

Spin-off to A long journey home

Rating: Teens

Notes: You guys are gonna laugh... I tried to upload this yesterday but it screwed up and only the title got posted! Naturally I deleted the post and didn’t get a chance to fix everything up, but it’s finally here! My monster of a fic !!!! Updates will be weekly. Honestly this fic took a lot to write, and it’s been 8 whole months of working on it!!! So I hope you guys enjoy it T.T If not I won’t be made though LOL (edit: @blue1928 forgot to tag u soz)

p.s. I AM working on the HP prompts I’m just really busy this next couple of weeks LOL

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 FINAL

You’ve never really been particularly fearful of getting in trouble with your mother. She has always been a sweet and timid lady, the kind who would let her daughter get away with murder. And you are an adult, even if you don’t act like it, and so it’s not like your mother can do anything other than express her disappointment with your actions.

Kim Seokjin, on the other hand, can have you quaking in your shoes with just a look. He was your nextdoor neighbour growing up, even before you all fled your home realm. He has since moved out of his parents’ home into his own apartment to pursue his dream as a doctor (and to take home as many lady friends as he likes without his parents’ knowledge), but he is still very much a stern presence in your life, even as one of your closest friends. He likely feels responsible for you, since though the two of you were young when you were driven into the human world, he is three years older. He did once refer to you as something like an untrained puppy, which you guess is very reflective of how he views you. The result of such feelings of responsibility is him trying his best to fulfill all the duties of being your legal guardian despite having no obligation to do so. The effect is him being terrifyingly stern with you, despite him being a calm, good-humoured guy with everyone else he meets.

Which is why, when you wake up in a hospital bed with your leg wrapped in a cast, you know that today is the day Kim Seokjin kills you. If the job interview that you completely messed up isn’t enough motive for him to seek you out, then the fact that you tried to stop a purse snatcher and ended up breaking your leg in the ensuing scuffle after said thief’s motorcycle fell on you most certainly is.

In your defence, it wasn’t like you could just leave them be! Yes, you had not been back to your home realm once in the thirteen years since you and every other guardian were driven out, but at your core, you like to think you are still a Guardian. And so, as is custom, you cannot turn down a plea for help. And the young woman screaming in distress as a man on a motorcycle drove past and snatched her purse straight off her shoulder had certainly sounded like a plea for help! Really, Jin should be impressed, because the ensuing chase was something straight out of a movie, what with you in hot pursuit on your own bike (the one both your mother and Jin do not know you own). And you totally would have gotten the purse back if it wasn’t for the slight motorcycle crash. You’re not exactly sure what you hit since the events are a little blurry, but whatever it was, it ended up knocking you out and breaking your leg.

A slight commotion breaks out at the entrance to the room and by the way onlookers swoon, you know that your time on earth is up. For the only person that can stir such a reaction upon entering a room is Kim Seokjin himself. Guardians naturally fit most of the qualifiers of what humans consider attractive, but even by Guardian standards, Jin is ridiculously handsome. Even though you find him boring and the biggest nag to walk the planet, not even you are immune to his disarming good looks. You could probably sense his aura blindfolded and your eyes are always drawn to him in a crowd and so you easily pinpoint him amongst the crowd of onlookers before he spots you. Today is his day off and so he does not wear his usual doctor’s gown. Instead a well fitted button up shirt and trousers highlights the broadness of his shoulders and the elegance of his figure as he strolls through the room as if he owns it. You recognise the style- that particular combination of button up and trousers are his date clothes. Your heart plummets when you recognise the outfit. Jin will be extra irritated about having to check on you in the hospital on his day off. Why did the paramedics have to take you here of all places? You’ve really signed your life away this time.

He pauses to smile at a nurse who passes by and she is immediately dazzled. Though he is no doubt furious with you, and is frequently irritated by your shenanigans, to the rest of the world he is charming and funny and good-tempered. You watch the exchange with curiosity- the nurse laughs at something Jin says and there’s a faint flush to her cheeks. You will probably never have such an exchange with Jin- even if he relaxed enough to make a joke in your presence, it would probably be at your expense. Jin’s taste in women is very obvious- he likes women that match him in beauty, ones that are fantastic at making you feel like a potato in comparison despite your guardian heritage, however unintentionally. Something in you twinges at the thought- you wouldn’t mind having a normal relationship with Jin. One where he smiles at you and makes jokes and actually enjoys your presence. But he’ll probably never view you like that- he’s made it very clear throughout your friendship what you are to him.

The nurse points in your direction and takes Jin’s distraction as an opportunity to trail her gaze appreciatively over his figure, settling on his profile. She must be new to the hospital if this is the first time that she is experiencing what Jin’s coworkers at the hospital describe as the “Jin effect”. Any humans (and most guardians for that matter) who meet him instantly succumb to his charisma and absurdly handsome face and find themselves desperately in love. This nurse is no exception and you decide to utilise the momentary distraction she has provided Jin when she attempts to get his number by attempting to slide off your bed and scurry away.

A tug at the back of your collar has you stiffening. If this were a movie, there would be an uneasy swell of high-tension violin as you turn your head to find Jin has grabbed the back of your shirt to stop your slow escape. He must have utilised a spot of enhanced guardian speed to be able to cross the room so quickly. The violins in your head begin to screech in terror. Jin merely smiles and it is eerily charming. His cheeks puff out and his lips curl in a way that would dazzle the average onlooker but you see the lethal intent in his eyes. You barely manage to hold back a fearful shudder.

“Nurse Jo!” He calls, and his tone is playful and sweet which contrasts directly with the venom in his dark pupils. In their depths you can foresee your death. “It seems one of our patients is trying to escape.” His tone darkens and drops on the last word and you flinch, preparing for the end.

Only it never comes, and you find Jin hoisting you up by the back of your shirt and with the help of security rushing forward they wrangle you back into bed. They do well- the average human doesn’t stand much chance against the superior strength of a guardian, and you are currently fighting for your life. But with Jin in the mix, they have you strapped to your bed in no time, forced to listen to whatever longwinded and painful lecture Jin has prepared for you

He stands at your bedside, arms folded across his chest. You mentally write your will in your mind- Taehyung can have your Nintendo switch and his girlfriend can go through your clothes and take any that she likes. Your mother gets anything worth more than $20 in your bedroom (though she might be searching for a while to find such an item, if it even exists) and Seokjin can get custody of your evil cat. Maybe it’ll scratch his stupidly handsome face up and you can get revenge from beyond the grave.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Jin asks, and his voice is surprisingly calm. You look away, scratching at where the cast on your leg rubs at the skin of your shin. It’s stupid to wear the cast since with your enhanced healing abilities the break will be better by tomorrow, but the doctors of this world do not know that.

You are not fooled by the almost friendly, interested tone to his voice- there is anger bubbling behind the mask of polite curiosity. Likely he is holding back to full force of his fury because this is his workplace.

“Well, I’d like to preface by saying I had no choice. Was I supposed to just let the robber go?” You say. You were attempting to placate him before elaborating on the full story, but it appears to have the opposite effect. Jin’s eyes bulge out of his head and his face goes that interesting shade of red that only appears when he’s very, very angry.

“Robber? You took on a robber?” He says slowly, and you can tell it takes a few moments for the words to process. But gradually, the veins in his neck bulge and his eyes gradually widen and you wince as Jin erupts into what you like to call his “jants- Jin Rants.”. “Ya! Are you crazy? What were you thinking? What if you had been killed? I would have had to tell Auntie and then I would have had to organise your funeral because she would be inconsolable! If I even survived my parents trying to kill me for letting you die at the hands of a ROBBER of all people!” The impressive thing about a jant is the speed at which it is spat out. You are sure that professional rappers have nothing on the way Jin can spill out verses in a rage. He shoves a hand through his hair in distress and the ensuing messy look it generates is unfairly attractive- you think you see a middle-aged woman swoon in the hospital bed across from yours. Or faint. It’s hard to tell in a hospital. He continues screeching. “And then they’d PROBABLY make me MOVE BACK HOME as PUNISHMENT and there goes my social life! You could have ruined MY WHOLE LIFE, (Y/N)! What is wrong with you? Why do you always go making trouble like this?” It is those words, out of his whole rant, oddly enough, that causes you to stiffen. The implication that all you do is cause trouble. Which in a way you suppose you do. You cause your mother unnecessary worry- Jin is constantly sacrificing things to take care of you. Even your friends are constantly having to shout you meals due to your perpetual state of unemployment.

“I... couldn’t just leave it- they needed help, Jin.” You admit softly. Jin somehow hears your quiet admission over his furious jant and falls silent. He stares at you in confusion for a long moment, like he was expecting more of a fight, or some sort of annoying comeback. But the confusion is enough to subside his rage. The jant is over, with minimal damage. He drags over a chair and slumps by your bedside, once more running a hand through his hair.

“You’re so reckless. Robber’s rarely pull stunts like that unarmed! You may have enhanced healing compared to a human, but you still die if someone stabs you! And this is your third ER trip this month!” He scolds and his tone is far gentler than before- not unlike how one might speak to a child, rather than someone a mere three years younger than him. You meekly bow your head, chastised. “How do you think auntie would feel if anything happened to you, (Y/N)? You may be a Guardian, but Guardians aren’t invincible. You, of all people, should know that.”

You flinch, feeling as though he’s slapped you. He’s clearly furious with you if he’s willing to choose such a sore spot to shame you. For the thirteen years you have been in the human realm, it has just been you and your mother. You have not been able to forget that fact for a single day. Every day you awaken afresh with the reminder that there is a third member to your family who should be there but is not. Your father’s life was lost as you all fled, and your mother had found herself widowed with a headstrong young child in a foreign and unfamiliar realm. Jin’s family have always been around to help because you haven’t exactly been an easy child to raise, but there are some burdens that no one can lift from a single parent.

And you love your mother, and you really would do anything for your her. It’s just... you don’t want to pretend that you’re a human. For your entire time here, your guise as a human has felt like an itchy, poorly fitted jacket that you want to peel off and throw away. Humans are selfish and lazy and would leave a child on the side of the road and they’d been very quick to notice that you were different and target you for it- these are all things your father hated. To be human is to spit on the sacrifice he made for you... and yet to continue to fight it is also disregarding that he gave up his life to let you live in comfort.

Jin, with his handsome face and ability to charm anyone he meets instantly, has never had an issue settling into the human realm, and so he’s never really understood why you cling so much to your former home realm. He knows that you’ve never truly stopped grieving the life of your father, but he cannot understand why you do not see the human world the way that he does. He had very much taken to being a human and enjoys all the perks that come with it- the technology, the fawning women, the interesting and unique cuisines... Jin adores human culture. And so, it irks him that you constantly seem to be sticking out like a sore thumb.

“I’m sorry.” You say in a small voice and you’re so downcast that you miss the way that Jin’s face crumples with guilt.

“Just... try to be safer in the future. This realm has its own law enforcement. We don’t need to be guardians here.” He tells you softly. Then he clears his throat awkwardly. “How was the job interview?”

It’s an act of mercy- he’s trying to save you any further misery by changing the subject. Unfortunately, you have yet to break the news to Jin; you bombed the interview. Massively. It’s not like it was even a job you were that invested in. Just a fulltime job that involved doing some admin in an office. The exact, safe, boring job your mother has dreamed of for you since coming here and the exact job Jin has been pushing you to apply for because he’s sick of his parents nagging him to lend you money or take you out for dinner or give you lifts because your car broke down and you can’t afford to fix it. But you messed it up and you hate yourself for it. Hate yourself for disappointing your mother, and, if you’re really honest with yourself, for disappointing Jin. You’re already so aware of how lowly he views you and this just makes it sting that little bit more.

But it is the exact kind of job that will slowly kill you inside. You are trying to kill the part of you deep down that longs for something more. You don’t even know what it is you want. But killing that part and settling into this world and its ways and its customs mean giving in. It means forgetting. And for thirteen entire years, you have not been able to forget. How can you, when you left a piece of yourself back there, on the battlefield where your father had lost his life for your sake? He was not even given the luxury of a grave and yet you are supposed to be comfortable and post pictures on Instagram about how happy you are and go to brunch and just enjoy life? You... you can’t do it.

“I... don’t know.” You finally say. You shrug and glance away. “It felt like it went well. We’ll see if they call me back.”

Jin visibly brightens, unaware of your lie.

“I knew I had a good feeling about today!” He says warmly. “You’re totally going to get that job, I can feel it in my bones. Finally, my parents will get off my back!” He cheers. He probably means the last part as a joke but it’s just another sting; another reminder that Jin just sees you as a burden.

His celebration session is interrupted by an alert on his apple watch. He glances at whatever notification appear and winces. He glances at you like he’s done something wrong.

“I’ve got to go. I uh… I have a date.” He confesses. Jin is always tentative when he talks about the women he sees, like he’s anticipating some sort of reaction from you. You don’t know what reaction that would be, though, and you don’t think you’d ever feed his ego with any reaction other than a mild disgust and indifference. When you just continue to stare, he nods, more to himself than you. “I still have to sort all your paperwork to make sure you can get discharged so I probably can’t stay with you for your discharge. You don’t need a lift home, do you? I’ll probably have to drive straight there.”

Normally you would accept- though your broken bone heals faster than a human’s, it is still highly painful and inconvenient. But the thought of being in the car with Jin right now is highly unappealing. For some reason, lately when you spend time with Jin, you just feel more and more aware of how inadequate you are. You can’t help but notice the way people gravitate towards Jin. The way their eyes are constantly seeking him out or how a room brightens when he steps into it. And it’s not just his looks- it’s his everything. His demeanour, his smile, his success. He has taken to the human world like a fish to water and you just can’t. It’s not like you don’t want to. But his presence, his nagging, his constant disappointment with you… it’s a persistent, painful reminder of everything you can’t bring yourself to be. Not even for him, as much as you sincerely hate constantly disappointing him like this.

He adjusts his watch as you shake your head.

“I’ll just get the bus. I can still walk.” You say, plastering a smile on your face that hopefully seems sincere. Jin glares at you and reaches out to tap a finger against the firm plaster of your cast.

“Fine, but this stays on until tomorrow. I don’t care how fast you heal- I don’t want that leg healing crooked. Your mother will definitely notice if you suddenly have an extra bend in your shin. And no more chasing robbers- not even if it’s an old grandma with a cane being robbed. We stopped being Guardians for a reason.” He warns you. He adjusts his shirt cuffs and pulls out his phone to adjust his hair in the selfie camera before glaring at you. “I won’t tell Auntie about today because I don’t want her to worry. You can stay at mine tonight, so she doesn’t ask any questions when you hobble home in a cast.”

“Thanks.” You say and he’s oblivious to the bleak tone in your voice and the way your expression is downcast. If there’s one thing that has Jin oblivious to the rest of the world, it’s the prospect of a date. “Is the code to get in still the same?”

“I changed it to your birthday because that stupid pixie that always hangs around you worked out the code and keeps leaving my sugar open on the counter. I’m getting so many ants. I’m pretty sure he’s leaving it open for them.” Jin tells you already halfway turned around. You wisely choose not to tell Jin that you had told Jungkook the code to Jin’s apartment. Jin pauses before he can stride off. “Oh yeah. Auntie texted me- she wanted me to make sure you remember to come to dinner tomorrow and that you dress nicely. She has something important to say.”

“She could have just texted me herself.” You mumble, but Jin has already walked off, probably to sort the last of your paperwork before his date. A trail of sighing onlookers watch his departure. It just makes you scoff as you return to glaring at your cast. It itches.

You make a promise to yourself to use Jin’s kitchen scissors to remove it tomorrow so that he has at least some kind of inconvenience in his life. Nothing is more irritating than a blunt pair of kitchen scissors.

++++

Despite seeing Jin’s mother every other day, and renting the apartment directly across from her, your mother always acts like the president is coming over whenever Jin’s family comes for dinner. She pulls out the fancy glass bowls and the plates she bought with her first paycheck from the diner she was employed at when you were small. She vacuums the whole apartment and checks your room to make sure you’ve cleaned it in case Jin needs a bed to nap on after a long day at the hospital.

She’s never quite managed to get the hang of human cuisine and since the human realm doesn’t hold the magic stores available to cook Guardian food the way that she learned, you are always the one to make dinner. You’ve never once complained because you know that on some level, this is your mother’s attempt to compensate. This is the closest you will ever get to having a community with other Guardians, and Jin’s dad is the closest thing you will ever have to a father.

But even despite her usual frantic state whenever there’s a joint family dinner, she definitely seems more frazzled than usual.

“Is it meant to smell like that?” She asks with a grimace, leaning in to look at the salad you’ve thrown some vinaigrette over. You glance over your shoulder from where you are checking on the food in the oven.

“Yes, mum.” You say, standing and gently nudging her from the kitchen with a smile. “It’s vinaigrette- you liked it last time when I made it, remember? It’s why I made it tonight.”

Your mother digs her heels into the ground before you can drive her from the kitchen and send her back to wiping the already sparkling cabinets in the living room. She turns to scrutinise you carefully.

“Are you going to do your hair? It looks a little messy.” She frets. You raise an eyebrow. This is new. Your sweet, doting mother has never once criticised your appearance, not even when you went through that phase where you had an eyebrow piercing and dyed your hair neon green. Something is up.

“It’s just Auntie and Uncle, right?” You say suspiciously. “They used to bathe me when we lived in magregnum, mum.” You say. Using the original term for your home realm feels foreign on your tongue and your mother’s expression shutters at the sound of her original home.

“Well, a lot has changed since then.” She says softly. You’re about to question the strange, unfamiliar expression on your mother’s face. Something looks different about her... you squint when you recognise the shimmer of your favourite eye shadow on her lids.

“Are you wearing makeup?” You question. Her eyes go wide, and you can’t help but notice that her lashes are curled. But her answer is interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Your mother pales and instantly she switches back into her jittery, pre-dinner self.

“Quickly, quickly!” She urges. “Dinner’s not ready yet!”

You shake your head with a smile at your mother’s familiar antics.

“It’s probably just Jin- Auntie and Uncle always make him come over earlier to help.” You call over your shoulder. You’re in a far better mood than you were yesterday, particularly after bending Jin’s kitchen scissors beyond repair during your attempts to remove the cast this morning before heading out and pretending you hadn’t been fired from your part-time job the week before. You had punched one of the senior managers for bullying the new hire. Your leg was mostly healed at that stage and Jin had told you that you could take the cast off before he left for work that morning. When you arrived back home in the afternoon, your mother had either chosen not to comment on your slight limp or had been too distracted by the stress of having dinner to notice. You are glad to have evaded her sad, disappointed eyes and the unwarranted comparisons to Jin for the day.

After a long few moments of peace in the kitchen, you can’t help but notice the lack of an annoying presence hovering over your shoulder. Usually when Jin arrives, he makes a beeline straight for the kitchen so that he can sample whatever it is you’re making and proclaim it decent (and then try and sneak some extra portions later in the evening when he thinks you aren’t looking). The complete lack of Jin’s presence to do whatever the kitchen equivalent of back seat driving is has you pausing with a sense of unease. It is the first clue that something is up- the door opens and yet the older guardian doesn’t make an appearance. Confused, you pause midway through pouring out melted chocolate from a glass measuring cup and glance over your shoulder.

“Minyo Dolkara,” is your mother’s tentative call and your eyes widen at the term of endearment. It is a common one back in your home realm, but your mother only uses it to comfort you when she feels you are truly upset. She is knotting her fingers anxiously together and beside her stands an unfamiliar middle-aged man. He smiles warmly at you, and your gaze lands on the arm he holds carefully around your mother’s shoulder. Your grip tightens around the handle of the measuring cup.

“Mum?” You ask, your tone laced with confusion. “Who’s this?”

Your mother swallows nervously and glances at the man in question.

“This is... my love.” She confesses. “Nigel. We met at my night classes and I... He...”

“I’m her fiancé.” The man, Nigel corrects. He is a friendly, round sort of man. The kind of man often seen on tv playing father to a rebellious teenage daughter in a sitcom. And his smile is warm and excited, like he’s happy to meet you. He directs that smile to your mother, and rather than look disgusted or uncomfortable, she merely beams back at him.

That’s probably what this night was for, in hindsight. And why your mother was so nervous. She planned this to introduce her new boyfriend... no, her new fiancé to you, and to Jin’s family. Dimly, in the back of your mind, you register all the unusual signs about tonight. The way she’d messaged Jin to make sure you were at the dinner despite the fact that she’s never been able to bring herself to make you do anything you don’t want to.... the way she’s been commenting on your appearance despite it never having bothered her before... how long has she kept this from you? How... how could she be seeing another man?

No words form in your mouth- instead, the face of your father hovers in your mind. After thirteen years, you can’t fully recall what he looks like and you weren’t able to bring any pictures over to the human realm with you. It has been long enough that you cannot recall his face or his voice. So, in theory, why can’t your mother meet someone new? Did you expect her to live as a widow until she died, alone and far from the home realm she grew up in? Of course, you didn’t. But for some reason, this man’s presence right now leaves a bitter sting like she’s plunged a knife into your chest.

The smile drops from Nigel’s face after a few moments of you staring blankly and his smile is replaced with concern. It takes you a while to understand it is because you have crushed the hand of the measuring cup in your tight grip. It falls to the ground and shatters, followed by a few drops of blood as red rapidly spreads over your clenched fist and lands on the ground. You haven’t used your enhanced strength in so long you almost forgot you had it.

“Fiancé?” You echo at last and though it is your own voice, it sounds distant. Like your ears are suddenly submerged under water. You don’t know what hurts you more in that moment- the painful reminder that the world is moving on without your father... or the fact that your mum has kept such a huge secret from you for who knows how long, probably because she was scared of how you’d react. “You’re engaged?”

“(Y/N),” your mother says, taking a step forward, perhaps to comfort you. She does it tentatively, like you are a beast she needs to placate. The people in your life- at least the ones who know your true identity- often approach you like that. Slowly and hesitantly, as if they don’t know how you will react. Like you are a ticking time bomb, ready to go off and cause trouble. Which in a way, you suppose you are. Things have always been difficult with you, after all. You never settled into human schooling well and you didn’t get into a good university like Jin, and you’re always getting yourself into trouble trying to help random people off the street. And your mother, your poor placating mother, is prepared to do the same thing she always does. Apologise that you had to leave your home, that the new human world isn’t to your liking, but gently remind you that it is, in fact, your real home now.

But you do not give her the chance to feed you the same tired lines. You’re so sick of hearing this lecture. Every time you wind up in hospital because you’ve interfered with a fight or been hit by a car trying to save a random puppy, Jin gives you the same, frustrated lecture. When you fail another interview or get fired from a new job, your mother is there to try and fail to hide her disappointment that you aren’t leading the life she’d planned for you. But not this time- this is too far. You’ve been trying to squash the part of you that is a guardian for their sake for so long now, but you cannot do it for him. For this man, this stranger, who has waltzed into your home like he owns it and announced that he’s marrying your mother. As if he has a right to just join your family. You are out the door before she or Nigel can offer a word of explanation.

You don’t see Jin until you crash into him. He steadies you with a hand planted on either shoulder. You glance up at his face, barely registering what he looks like through the blur of tears spilling forward. For a brief moment, the sight of Jin’s face (even blurred) and the familiar set of his broad shoulders fills you with relief. Even if Jin’s always viewed you as a bit of pain, he’s always been an important person to you, always ready to provide support. But then you see the look on his face.

Jin actually winces when he sees your expression. Perhaps he is realising it’s going to be one of those nights, where he sits up on the roof with you for hours and comforts you as you spill your guts. That’s how it’s always been, after all, ever since you were a small child and would run to him when you scraped your knee instead of your own parents. You would cry and he would offer some wise words mixed in with a stern reprimand and then his parents would congratulate him for being such a good influence on you. Even when you hit high school and started to realise for the first time that Jin didn’t view you with the same adoration you viewed him, he never stopped being that person for you. The shoulder to cry on, the rock to lean on. But now, he stiffens, as if steeling himself for the explanation behind your tears and he probably already has a speech half prepared in his mind. That’s the job he delegated himself, after all. To look after you, for as long as you are alive and giving him headaches. So, if it’s always been his job to do just that, why does he look like he’s just been asked to help clean a public bathroom at the sight of you in distress?

He... he doesn’t want to deal with you. That’s why he looks so uncomfortable.

You feel something inside you crumple. You can’t identify what feeling it is but, in that moment, you realise something. Everyone in your life... they all view you as a burden. Your mum had delayed telling you about her boyfriend until the last possible moment because your response would be difficult to handle. Jin’s parents see you as a hopeless child that their perfect son must look after. And Jin.... well you can see from the look on his face how he views you. It reminds you of a dark day, all those years ago in high school, a memory you thought you’d pushed down, and it surfaces now, before you can push it back down like you normally do. But then you set your shoulders- you were over the things Jin had said that day, and you aren’t going to allow the way that he looks right now to be the thing that resurfaces those feelings.

You shove past him. Over the past few months, you’ve been avoiding Jin more and more as your self-esteem plummeted lower and lower but today something tips over the edge for you. You don’t know how or why it happened but at some point, Jin has stopped being the person you can turn to when things get rough. And you have just realised that he no longer wants to be that person either, which hurts far more than you ever thought it could.

“(Y/N)!” You hear him call out to you, probably shocked that you aren’t caving immediately and telling him what’s wrong- after all, there’s probably only been one time in your life before this that you’ve done so. You ignore his call though, making a beeline for the staircase, and he does not follow you.

The place you usually go to when misery strikes is the rooftop of your crappy apartment building. You’ve spent countless hours up on the rooftop, watching the sky. It’s oddly therapeutic- the thing you used to miss most when first moving to this realm was the stars. Back home, they sparkle different colours like precious stones scattered across black velvet. Here, the smog of humans blocks their stars from the sky. But the brightest stars are somewhat visible on clear nights and they are the closest reminder you have of home. That’s probably why you have chosen the roof as your refuge. Since beginning to take refuge here when things go bad, you’ve accumulated a small collection of old furniture from whenever your mum goes on a redecorating spree.

What has resulted is a comfy little corner of the world you can call your own, away from everyone else. No one else seems to use this place, even if the rooftop is accessible to everyone in the complex, but that suits you just fine. It’s perfect for curling up and wallowing, much like you are desperate to do right now. There are a lot of confusing, painful emotions swirling around inside you, ones that you aren’t really sure how to deal with or process.

You slump down against the old picnic blanket you have stretched across the floor and let your head collapse against an old cushion your mum threw out years ago and peer up at the sky. Wincing, you idly pick out pieces of glass from your hand and watch the skin seal over almost immediately as you wonder if the sky really as beautiful back home as your memory tells you it was. Or, do you just want to believe things were better in the other realm? You’re not really sure but it really would be nice to go back. Not forever- as much as you hate to admit it, your family is here now, which makes this realm your home. But you want to see the place you came from. You want to see the stars and the valleys and the rivers. The night before you and your mother fled, your father had told you that everything about Magregnum would change by the time you were old enough to go back, except the landscape. Mountains cannot move, after all. A part of you longs desperately for that- to see the things that will not change and the landscapes that could not leave your father behind. The only reminders that you aren’t just a random human washed up in the bleakness of life, but a guardian. Something special and precious. Something better than what you feel like you are.

An annoying buzzing in your ear breaks the bubble of your pondering. You blink a few times and then sigh, turning your head to the side. A small figure, no taller that the height of your handspan, stands beside you with his arms folded. Small, insect like wings flap so rapidly they are little more than flashes, catching the light of the fairy lights you’d strung across the fencing of the rooftop a few weeks ago. The figure tilts his small head to the side and at this proximity you can see the way he frowns. He always has the oddest tendency to pop up whenever you are alone and miserable and likely he is displeased to find you in such a state yet again.

“Do you ever do anything other than sulk?” The creature asks. He is a pixie, as you know from your first interaction where he had very indignantly informed you that no, he is not a cross between a mosquito and a human in-between your attempts to squash him with a fly swatter. You grimace.

“No.” You snap, rolling onto your side to face away. Alas, the small pixie merely lifts easily into the air and sails over your face like he’s an Olympian performing high jump. He lands neatly in front of you once more and grins.

“What happened this time?” He asks, settling down into the picnic blanket cross legged. He plants an elbow on either knee and rests his chin in his hands. The buzzing of his wings slows to a gentle flap, which allows you to discern the thin, silvery veins that lace across the delicate membranes of his wings. You’ve always secretly thought it a shame that Jungkook is just a pixie, given his handsome face and charming nature, but being a human would mean the loss of his gorgeous wings. “Did Jin ground you again?”

“He’s never grounded me before.” You snap defensively. “And even if he did, it’s not like I would listen to him. He’s not my parent.”

Jungkook shrugs, leaning back to press his weight into his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Yes, you would.” He points out. “You always complain about Jin, but I know you always do what he says.”

You purse your lips and sit up. Jin is one of the last people you want to talk about right now. Jungkook stands up too, launching himself into the air so that he can settle on your knee.

“So what did Jin do this time? Change the code to his apartment again? Find out about your motorbike? Treat you to dinner?” Jungkook questions eagerly. You’ve never seen the pixie interact with another living being other than you, Jin or Taehyung (and on occasion your mother) and he had sadly informed you that he was the only one of his kind in this realm when you first met thirteen years ago. So, you have a theory that he lives out his need for drama and gossip and social interaction vicariously through you. It’s the only way to explain his constant interest in your life and the things that are making you sad.

“It wasn’t Jin.” You finally admit, lifting your gaze once more to the sky above. “Why are you even here anyway? Did you run out of YouTube dance covers to copy?”

Jungkook nods and settles down beside you. “It’s all pointless after a while.” He says forlornly. “It’s not like humans can see me. Only guardians will ever see me dance and they don’t care. I figured I might as well talk to one sentient being before I go crazy. The moths just aren’t great conversation partners these days.” He pauses. “So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Jungkook’s confession has your resolve crumbling. Sometimes it is easy to forget that you, Jin and Taehyung are the only people Jungkook can mix with, as a pixie in a human world. Even if humans could see him, the government would probably deport him back to the other realm the second it found out he was threatening exposure of magical beings to humans. A strange sadness on his behalf overcomes you and that is the thing that makes you willing to confess what’s bothering you. “It was... my mother.”

Jungkook is silent and when you glance down at where he is seated upon your knee, he is also gazing in wonder at the sky above. He doesn’t press further but you still somehow feel compelled to share.

“She’s engaged.” You admit and the words feel oddly piercing amongst the soft hum of city traffic. They hang in the cool night air and suddenly the warmth of the night seems stifling rather than comfortable.

“I thought the Q’uvar were happy when that sort of thing happened? Don’t you all have those huge festivities in your village whenever a marriage ceremony happens?” Jungkook questions. The natural way the original term for your people rolls off his tongue testifies to his origin- despite him living in the human realm, there is no doubt he comes from Magregnum, just as you do. Even when you were living in the other realm, your people would refer to themselves as guardians. Only the really old-fashioned members of your race would use the language that had slowly died out over the years as the common tongue became the norm. Not for the first time, you are curious about Jungkook and where he popped up from. Jungkook turns to look at you and tilts his tiny head. His inky black hair flops to one side with the motion. “Shouldn’t you be happy that your mother is engaged?”

The unintentional reprimand slaps you across the face and you wince. In theory, you should be thrilled that after so much difficulty and hardship settling into this realm, your mother has found a source of happiness. She has worked so hard on your behalf to make sure you grow up safe and secure in this foreign realm and so the least you can do to repay her is to be happy when she is happy. But the niggling fear that always chases you holds you back. It’s a fear of change- of the way life seems to move too fast for you to catch up. Here you are, stuck in the past when even your own mother has managed to move on and build a life for herself.

“I should be.” You answer softly. You lift your knees and hug them close to your chest- Jungkook falls off with an indignant squawk. Moments later he rises in the air until he is eye level with you- even the buzz of his wings seems irritated.

“Well then, why aren’t you?” He asks, but the tone of his voice implies that his patience has been lost with you. Since the moment of meeting you all those years ago, Jungkook had assigned himself as a sort of pseudo-counsellor and confidante, but it does not mean he enjoys the position. No, more often than not, he is annoyed and puzzled by your seemingly trivial problems. You kind of enjoy such an attitude though- it makes the things that feel insurmountable to you become small and insignificant. Jungkook makes you feel like problems can be overcome. This time, however, his dismissive attitude has you feeling worse.

“Because I’m homesick.” You admit miserably. “Why does everyone seem to settle in here so well? Why am I the only one struggling? Why could everyone leave things behind so easily? How can they just pretend that they’re humans, and completely ignore the fact that they are Guardians?”

You press the palms of your hands against your eyes and release a long exhale. No one has followed you up here, after you rushed out like that. Who even knows what state your mother’s dinner is in? Hopefully she remembered to get everything out of the oven. Are they having fun without you? Is Nigel charming them, winning them over, getting them excited about the possibility of a wedding? Are they… are they really happy, in this realm? “Do you ever think about going back?” You question, after a long moment of silence. You drop your hands from your eyes.

“Sometimes.” Jungkook admits. “I wonder what it looks like now. Taehyung says it’s largely the same, it’s just the cultures and people that change.”

You stare out across the ugly concrete buildings that the rooftop view provides you. In this realm, everything moves fast and changes quickly. In the blink of an eye, a new building can pop up down the road or an entire family can move away from their twenty-year-old restaurant and close it without any warning. Back home, you remember things being steady and unchanging. Every morning, you would rise to the same mountain ranges, to the same fringe of forest, to the same river song. The only guardian you know who has gone back is Taehyung, and he validates that impression- forests and mountains do not change.

“I wish I had half Taehyung’s courage. I want to go back.” You confess.

Jungkook hugs his knees into his chest and mirrors your position beside you.

“What would it achieve?” Jungkook asks curiously. You shrug, picking idly at a stray thread on your jeans.

“Hopefully something.” You say. “I feel like I’ll never know what could happen if I don’t take the risk. I just… I feel like it’s calling me. It doesn’t want me to forget what I am. This realm doesn’t suit me because this isn’t my realm. Maybe I’ll find a place that fits over there.”

Jungkook nods sagely. A moth flaps past him and he smiles at it as it goes past.

“And what would you do once you’re there?” He questions. It does not take you long to give an answer. You’ve had this adventure mapped out in your mind since you were a miserable, homesick eleven-year-old.

“My dad used to have this phrase. “The river loves those who take the plunge.”. He’d always say it in the old tongue, and apparently it was an old guardian phrase that meant sometimes taking the risk was worth it. But apparently the phrase comes from a river to the east of our home. Dad said that the river is home to a special migrating plant, and it lights up and looks like shooting stars. They call it ‘the dancing river’. He promised to take me there, one day when the war was over.” You explain. “If rivers and mountains don’t change… then that’s that last piece of him I can find in that realm.”

“And that’s what you want to see, if you go back?” Jungkook asks. You nod and shift your position to the side of some old drawers you had rescued from your mother’s bedroom. Inside are a bunch of wrinkled old papers that you pull out and show him.

“Taehyung always brings me back a map whenever he gets back from over there to show me how things have changed. Look.” You point at a small blue line that trickles across the painted landscape of the map. The label is written in the common tongue. “River of stars” it says in sleek cursive. You know from matching it up with an older map that the name has changed but it’s the same river your father told you about. “It’s only a five-day hike from the portal.” You point at a small mark on the map- this has Taehyung’s writing scribbled on it, marking the join between the human realm and the magical one. “I could go and just... get it out of my system. See the river. Like a road trip but in another realm.”

Jungkook flutters over to peer at the small distance between the river in question and the portal on the map.

“I just have to go once. Just once. And see it- see the places he loved. And then I’ll settle into this realm and get the boring job Jin and my mother want me to have and marry an equally boring human. I’ll go to her wedding and watch her pretend like my dad never existed and like I’m not a Guardian.” You tell him. “I... we didn’t even get to say good-bye, Jungkook.”

Your voice cracks and Jungkook glances up at you in surprise. You rarely open up about your father to the pixie but he’s always curious when you do, like you’re sharing the story of an ancient war hero. Which in a way, he is. Though the war is fresh and recent in your mind, over a thousand years have passed back home, since your people roamed freely there.

“We just got word that he was dead, and we had to go, or we would be too.” You tell him, recalling the way Jin’s father had woken you two up in the middle of the night, pale as a ghost and drenched in your father’s blood. You remember running a lot that night and clinging to your mother’s hand. You had tripped and scraped your knee and you hadn’t been able to cry. And when you reached the human realm, your mother had shed a single tear and then shouldered on into your new life. No time or space to grieve. Not when there was so much uncertainty ahead. “No funeral or anything. I just... I want proof, that he was alive. I want to see the places he saw and just... I want to get a chance to say goodbye. I never even got to tell him that I love him one last time.”

Jungkook holds a hand to his chin as he ponders your words and then he looks at you. Though he is small, you can make out the dark colour of his eyes. His expression is soft and gentle. It reminds you of the look Jin used to give you when you’d come up here because the kids had made a mean comment about you not understanding their weird meme jokes or you were sad because you’d seen a kid hanging out with his father. Back before Jin had lost his patience with you, when he just got that the reason you couldn’t settle in was because of the cost it took to get to this realm safely.

“You know it wouldn’t bring him back, right?” Jungkook asks softly. “Everything you knew about that realm faded thousands of years ago. You won’t find home there anymore than it is here. And it won’t stop your mother from getting married.”

“I know.” You answer forlornly. “But maybe things will be better if I just get to… acknowledge what I am. Even if it’s only for five days.” Jungkook stares for a long moment and then nods, his shoulders set with sudden determination.

“Then let’s go.” He announces. You blink in surprise at his proposition.

“Go?” You echo. He nods and straightens, planting on hand on his hip and pointing the other directly at you.

“I am the first person to point out that you’re spoiled and selfish.” Jungkook reminds you, which has you wincing. “You don’t even know how lucky you are, to have so many people who love you. Do you know what I would give to be human? To have a friends and family like you do? And every day you spit on it. If this is what it takes for you to finally be content, then do it.”

You frown and look away from him.

“I don’t want to go when you put it like that.” You say, resenting the slight way your voice wobbles with hurt. You feel the slight tickle to your cheek and find Jungkook has pressed his tiny hand comfortingly to the side of your face.

“Don’t be hurt.” He says softly. “I do know why you’re struggling.” He offers you as comfort. “And I do understand why it’s so hard. To live amongst humans every day and pretend like none of the terrible things that went down over there really happened. But in focusing on the things you’re missing, you’re missing out on the things you have.” He explains. “So, let’s go, (Y/N). Let’s go see the Dancing River and find the peace you’re looking for.”

You stare at Jungkook for a long time, before offering the slightest nod. He’s right. What’s the use of waiting and hoping and holding out for something? Why not just go and find out if seeing this river will solve any of your problems? The river loves those who take the plunge, after all.

“Let’s go, Jungkook.” You agree, with the faint hint of a smile on your face.

What you don’t see, as you converse with Jungkook, is Jin slowly closing the door to the rooftop, first aid kit in hand. He gives one last glance at the doorway, wondering if he should join you and Jungkook before shaking his head with a sigh. He turns around and makes the slow trek back downstairs with a troubled expression on his face.

#kim seokjin x reader #jin x reader #seokjin x reader #castlebangtan #seokjin scenario #writing

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abraxos-is-toothless · 5 years ago

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Undercover- Throne of Glass AU (9)

New Update!! I really like this one:)

READ THIS: In the next few days I will be posting an Elorcan deleted scene that shouldn’t have been deleted. It was part of the last chap but my dumb brain didn’t post that copy and you’ll need it because there is Elorcan stuff next chap. Also if you don’t usually, please read the notes at the end too this time.

another note- the song lyrics used are from Turning Page by Sleeping at Last, I’ve always thought the song fit a few of my favourite ships including Rowaelin.

Undercover Masterlist.

Full Masterlist.

---------

Aelin couldn’t stop pacing in the kitchen and the sound of Yrene screaming upstairs was tearing her apart from the inside out. She had wanted to take her to the hospital and the cautious part of her still does but the twins had advised against it. Aelin was glad they’d made her see at least a little sense as her judgement went out of the window the minute Yrene’s waters broke.

Aelin just stared at her friend, while Chaol simply started panicking, repeating ‘oh gods’ over and over again. “Hospital.” She finally pushed out, “We need to get you to the hospital.”

“No!” Connall and Fenrys shouted at the same time and she turned to them with a glare, satisfied that they looked slightly apologetic for having disagreed with her.

“She’s about to have a fucking baby, why the fuck shouldn’t we be taking her to the hospital?” Fenrys answered her as Connall moved to help Yrene sit while Dorian tried to calm Chaol down.

“There’s already been one attempt on her life, both her and the baby. There would be no time for you to bribe whatever doctors and nurses, no time to set up proper security at the hospital. Even if there was, you have no idea where Hamel has his men placed, it’s too risky.” He was right, Arobynn was going to great lengths trying to bring her back and she wouldn’t risk the lives of her family, of the little bundle of joy they were finally about to meet.

“Then what the hell are we meant to do?”

“I can do it.” All heads whipped to where Manon was now holding Yrene’s hand, who had her eyes closed and breathing slowly. “There was a girl that was brought into the house one time, she was knocked up by one of the men who used to come in. No one would take her to get help and she was left in a small, dingy room of the house. Asterin and I helped her give birth but we don’t know what happened to either of them afterwards.” Manon crouched next to Yrene, rubbing her hand soothingly. “Let me help you bring my niece or nephew into the world. I promise I can do it.”

Yrene nodded.

It had been almost three hours since. Manon sent Dorian down with updates regularly and apparently everything was moving quite slowly. Aedion, Lysandra and Asterin had come back about twenty minutes ago, Asterin dropping her bags and making for the stairs as soon as she knew what was happening. Aelin’s pacing was halted when strong hands gripped her waist and she looked up to see pine green eyes staring at her with worry. Gentle fingers tucked a wayward curl behind her ear before Rowan cupped her cheek. “She’s going to be alright, they both are.” She gave a half-hearted no before burying her head into Rowan’s chest. One of his arms wrapped around her, his hand rubbing soothingly while his other hand moved to tangle in her hair, just holding her to him. After a few peaceful moments of just being held by Rowan, of breathing in the calming scent of him, Aelin felt the slight movement and vibrations of his chest. At first she thought he was laughing and she was about to lift her head to as the stupidly beautiful man just what the fuck he was laughing at, but that’s when she heard it. Just soft murmurings reached her ears to begin with and then slowly words became clearer along with a tune.

Rowan was singing.

I've waited a hundred years

But I'd wait a million more for you

Nothing prepared me for

What the privilege of being yours would do

Aelin gasped, tilting her head back to look at him, seeing his eyes sparkle as he gave her a soft smile, leaning down to rub his nose across hers, his next words breathed only inches from her lips.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch

If I had only seen how you smile when you blush

Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough

Without realising, Aelin raised both her hands to cup his cheeks, rubbing her thumbs just underneath his eyes and watching the lids flutter at her touch. She heard and felt Rowan breathe in deeply before he opened his eyes again, pulling her tighter against his chest and pressing their foreheads together.

Well I would have known

What I was living for all along

What I've been living for

She didn’t have a fucking clue what to do, what to say, and just stood there staring wide-eyed up at him as he stopped singing but still held onto her. When he spoke next, the words were quiet whispers as if what he was telling her was some kind of secret. It was in a way, as Aelin didn’t think the rest of her family knew whatever the fuck this feeling was that was growing between her and Rowan. “I know this is probably awful timing, considering this moment should be all about Chaol and Yrene, they’re having a god’s damned baby, but I needed you to know. I needed you to know that even though it’s barely been three months, but a part of me feels like I’ve been waiting for you.” There was a gasp, and she only realised it was her who had made the noise when Rowan chuckled lightly. “It seems ridiculous I know, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. If you don’t want to explore this thing between us,” he brought her hand to press against his chest where his heart was beating rapidly, “I would understand completely.”

She smiled so wide her cheeks hurt, she just couldn’t help it. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, she wasn’t meant to get attached to anyone, to have feelings, it would put whoever the person was at risk. But then this beautiful man walked into her home with his silver hair, pretty green eyes and tattoos and she was done for. The idea of opening herself up again, to offer someone a way in was a terrifying thought after everything that happened with Sam. Aelin had thought he loved her, in the way that she loved him but she was wrong. As much as it scared her, there was a little voice in the back of her mind that kept shouting at her, ‘trust him, trust him, trust him’. Aelin took the hand he had on her back and brought it up to her own chest, where her heart seemed to be mimicking his own. “I would love to explore this thing with you, Rowan Whitehorn. Now kiss me, you fool.”

The hand in her hair moved to hold the back of her neck before Rowan gently brushed his lips against her own and the sensation of it sent shivers down her spine. Pulling back, he searched her face as if to check for signs that it was still okay, but whatever he saw forced a growl from his throat and he was crashing back into her, this kiss full of want and need. Aelin had wanted to kiss him like this ever since that night in the garden and the waiting had only made it that much better.

No matter how desperate he seemed though, Rowan didn’t try to rush it, didn’t try to force her to open up. He kept to her pace, lips parting when hers did, and then deepening the kiss with a moan as she tugged hard on his hair. Both of his hands teasingly ran down her body and over her curves as he backed her up against the counter before they reached her thighs, gripping her tightly and lifting her onto the hard surface, nudging them outwards so he was able to slot himself between them. Her teeth nipped at his bottom lip as she pulled back with a gasp and Rowan took the opportunity to latch onto her neck, teeth sinking into her skin and sucking lightly. Aelin wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him in closer, whimpering when she felt him press right where she needed him most. Something about the move seemed to clear Rowan’s head and he groaned, his breath tickling the sensitive skin he had previously been occupied with. When he pulled back, pressing his forehead against hers, they were both panting hard.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “do you have any idea what you do to me?” Aelin laughed quietly, biting her lip.

“I think I could guess.” Rowan’s eyes darkened when they dropped to her mouth, the grip he had on her thighs becoming almost painful. She was sure there would be bruises left behind after this.

“Bite that lip in front of me again and I’ll have to bite it for you.” He growled.

Oh, she liked that tone very much; that tone would have her panties dropping in seconds.

They were jolted from their own little bubble when Yrene screamed loudly from upstairs once more, and then everything went quiet for a moment. Aelin looked up at Rowan wide-eyed and worried. It was too fucking quiet, too fucking still. No.

One second.

Then two.

Three.

And then finally a cry rang out through the house and it was the most beautiful sound Aelin had ever heard. Her eyes watered as she laughed, Rowan pulling into a hug as she cried tears of joy into his shoulder. Dorian came rushing into the kitchen after what seemed to be an eternity later, a dark brow raising when he caught sight of her compromising position. She merely shook her head to say, not now. He beamed at her, eyes glistening as tears streamed down his cheeks. “Yrene and Chaol would like you to meet someone.”

Aelin choked off a sob, gesturing for Dorian to lead the way and jumped off of the counter to follow. When she reached the doorway, she threw Rowan one last smile over her shoulder and took a deep breath.

She had a little one to meet.

oOoOo

Ren watched Connall race out the back door the minute he heard the baby cry, thoroughly looking as though he was about to vomit everywhere. He followed, finding the other man bent at the waist, hands on his knees as he dry heaved. Taking a few careful steps forward he gently placed a hand on Con’s back, rubbing gentle circles. “Hey, it’s alright, they’re okay Con.”

He nodded, taking a deep breath before he stood, turning to face Ren. His eyes looked wet and he was as white as a sheet so Ren lifted a hand without thinking, cupping the back of Connall’s neck to pull him in, tucking his head into the crook of his own neck. “What about you? Are you okay?”

“I know the hospital would have been better but it wasn’t safe, but neither was having her give birth here. Fuck, what if it had gone wrong?”

Ren tangled his fingers into those beautiful dark locks, pressing his cheek to Con’s head. “But it didn't, everything is fine, sweetheart.” Connall shivered under his hands at the touch but he said nothing. There were a few quiet moments where they just held each other, before Con pulled back, placing his hands on Ren’s chest and tilting his head up to look at him. He was only taller than the other by a mere few inches, but he liked the way he was looked up to by those pretty onyx eyes.

“Our mother died giving birth to us, me specifically. That was a home birth too.” Oh, gods.

“Con, I’m so sorry. That’s why you were so scared of choosing where she should be.” He gave a solemn nod, a tear leaking from the corner of his eye. Ren wiped it away with his thumb and then ran the backs of his fingers down the side of his face.

“Sometimes I still feel like it was my fault even though Fen always tells me it isn’t. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d made the wrong call back there.”

“That didn’t happen and even if it had, we would have dealt with it.”

Connall’s fingers curled into his chest, creasing his shirt as he whispered into the breeze, “’We’?”

Ren chuckled, kissing his nose and said, “Yeah, sweetheart, ‘we’.” Con blushed before his hand was coming up, fingers reaching for the scar on his face. He tensed slightly and those fingers stopped until Ren relaxed, and then they traced the shape of lightened, smooth skin.

“Beautiful,” he breathed, “you know that, right?” Ren’s eyes fluttered closed and he shook his head. His scar was disgusting, he knew it was. He jolted, gasping when he felt soft lips pressing against where the scar ran through his eyebrow, following it down his cheek and ending at his jaw. “This scar makes you who you are, shows me how strong you are.” The words were spoken into his neck, goosebumps forming at the tickling sensation of it. “Do not dare to think anything else.”

“You, love, are too good to be true and quite the little tease.” Connall laughed, hands moving to hold his hips and pull him in close.

“Indeed, but you wouldn't have me any other way.”

No, Ren found he wouldn't, because he wanted this man exactly the way he was, and more than he'd wanted anyone else in his life. He smiled widely, tucking a piece of hair behind Connall’s ear, “No, no I wouldn’t.”

------

Ah the fluff, do enjoy it while it lasts. Next chap starts with Yrene whilst she’s giving birth (nothing graphic) and then Aelin comes into the room. You will get insight to Rowan’s feelings on the kiss and uh, it’s picking up on some action:) If you wanted to be added to the tags just give me a message or drop into my asks !!

Tags: @bryaxisthefaceofnightmares @empress-sei @julie-and-the-fat-ones @acourtofterrasenandvelaris @tswaney17 @queen-of-glass @thesirenwashere @awkward-avocado-s @b00kworm @http-itsrebecca @eatmysandwiches @poisonous00 @flowersinvegas @julemmaes @mu-si-ca-l @spyofthenightcourt @sis-it-dont-add-up @mad-madeline-ace @df3ndyr @jesstargaryenqueen @notyournymphetish @carbconnoisseur @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @superspiritfestival @alyx801 @silentquartz @tillyrubes10 @dayanna-hatter @elriel4life

#aelin galythinius #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin #tog fic #throne of glass #dorian havilliard #manon blackbeak #yrene westfall #chaol westfall #ren allsbrook #connall #fenrys moonbeam #gang au #undercover #undercover fic #my writing #my fic #haz writes #fluff

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pertinax--loculos · 4 years ago

Text

Weekly Update 29/08

Note: shaking up the format this week, mostly because I just can't stop talking. These updates are gonna become purely about draft progress -- I'm going to include the titles of the books I've read/am reading at the end, but will post my thoughts separately as something of a 'review' (which will likely just be a collation of my stream-of-consciousness thoughts. Or just those thoughts unedited, depending how I feel). I'm also going to post the excerpt in a dedicated post of its own, so keep an eye out for that! ;)

Currently Writing Absent That Night (tagged: WIP: ATN)

wordcount this week: 19,981

total wordcount: 58,127(note: I know this jumped; it's because I realised that I was a week behind with adding to the total ooops)

[new addition] total time writing: 9hrs 10min

re: the above point -- I think this is a much more productive way of tracking my progress. As I've mentioned, I'm an egregious overwriter, so wordcount goals really don't motivate me too much (I could get 1000 words down and only be like a quarter of the way into the scene dear god help editing this is gonna be hellacious). So I think by scheduling time instead, it's going to force me to be a lot more productive and hopefully get me well on my way to my goal deadline!

re: deadline -- need to do a proper recalculation of where I actually am, because I think I'm a little bit behind. Something to do for next week, however!

I've also started pretty hardcore scheduling this week. It's kinda a mess due to my ridiculously inconsistent work schedule (and the way they often ask me like three hours beforehand if I want to take a shift), but it's great to have time blocked out for certain things. Definitely gonna continue it until this draft is finished, and then reassess whether I like it or whether I'd prefer something more flexible/any other adjustments

briefly considered/considering swapping to google docs for convenience's sake, but I am a) Wary of The Cloud and b) I am not using a writing app where I have to hit two buttons to get italics. I use far too many goshdarned italics to goshdarned do that fucking bullshit. The fact that text colour is still easily accessible but italics is not also makes me unreasonably angry

so instead I'm trying evernote. ^_^ Seems okay so far...?

[deleted a rant about evernote as well given that I figured out what was annoying me and we’re all good now 😅]

work is legit fucking killing me, man. The work itself is not too hard, but being essentially on-call (because I still don't have a roster so need to take the shifts in case I don't get others) makes scheduling so damn hard. I was literally halfway through a scene the other day when I had to stop and do Life Things before my unplanned shift. I'm thankful I have a job I can go to during lockdown, but dear lord I cannot wait until I know how many shifts I have and can a) plan around that and b) say fucking no if I want to

seriously considering dropping one of my suspect subplots. I keep forgetting about it, and the plan was always to dead-end it at the midpoint anyway. Plus I think including that one I have... seven? serious suspects, so could probably go with some simplifying. 😅 At the moment I'm thinking I'll leave it out, and if I think the next section needs the extra tension or anything I'll write as though it's there and add it in later if needed

honestly the difference between writing a scene I've had planned/been looking forward to and one which is only a vague notion/I've added because it's 'required' is stark. I just absolutely blow through the former, and sometimes it's like pulling teeth with the latter. But I am getting them done! They just take a right chunk of time sometimes. -.-

related to this, I really need to get my ass in gear with some scene-by-scene planning of Act II. Goal it to at least get some ideas for scenes jotted down for the first half this week!

think I do actually dislike writing at night. I've been forced to by work a couple times this week, and the problem is I stay up too late, and even then sometimes don't complete the scenes (which is generally my aim). But also, it puts my brain in Writing Mode, which not only makes it harder to sleep, but also generally results in my crafting beautiful sentences and even whole scenes whilst I'm trying to sleep that I promptly forget upon waking the next morning. Ugh

this week I also managed to stumble over some books that seem to fit the same genre as ATN. Not 100% on what that genre actually is (still) but there does seem to be a (niche?) area of paranormal/fantasy/crime/mystery-that-is-not-set-in-a-contemporary world (ie not exactly urban-fantasy/mystery). Definitely have added all the ones I've found so far to the reading list!

clearly I have hit the middle of this draft, because I've been hit hard by a Shiny New Idea. Amalgamating all the advice I've read on the subject, I've jotted down all my thoughts and put it to the side until I finish this damned draft first

ultimately, still having fun, still loving this world and all the characters, still loving attempting to work to a deadline. Everything is shiny and happy this week. ^_^ Let's hope it stays that way ahaha... ha.

This week's goal: complete minimum five scenes; map out scene-by-scene guide for first half of Act II

As far as reading... current read: Midnight, Water City by Chris McKinney

finished Survive the Night by Riley Sager

#weekly update #WIP: ATN #writeblr #original writing #oh lord #this still turned out ridiculously long #oh well #whaddya gonna do?#*shrug*#:D

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livinginsunnyhell · 5 years ago

Note

Ask game for fanfic writers! ⌨️🖊📓📝

1. What fandoms do you write for?

2. What pairings do you write for?

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

4. Do you write original stories as well?

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

13. What is your planning process?

14. What have others criticized about your fanfic?

15. OCs or no OCs?

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

18. What is your favorite writing prompt?

19. Dead or overused tropes?

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

27. Do you take requests?

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

30. What writing software do you use?

31. Do you use beta/sensitivity readers?

32. Past or present tense?

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

35. What is your favorite review?

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

39. Collaborations or working solo?

40. Do you have any rituals before uploading a fic?

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

42. Rudest review?

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

46. Few long essay reviews or many short reviews?

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

(Don't feel obligated to answer. Thought if you're into these kinda things, that'd be a nice ask. ;))

Oh this is so nice!! Thanks for sending this @annansmith

I chose a few of them to do.

1. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I’m writing for Shameless (Gallavich) but I’ve written for:

Veronica Mars (LoVe), Veep (Amy/Dan), Arrow (Oliver/Felicity), Once Upon A Time (Hook/Emma), The Old Guard (Joe/Nicky), That 70′s show (Hyde/Jackie), Sons of Anarchy (Tara/Jax), Vampire Diaries (Klaroline), Hart of Dixie (Zoe/Wade), Gilmore Girls (Rory/Jess), X-men (Rogue/Pyro), One Tree Hill (Haley/Nathan), and a few others.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Now I write Gallavich.

But I’d say my top ones I love writing for now (my fanfiction writing has spanned about 14 years) are Dan/Amy, Veronica/Logan, Klaus/Caroline, Mickey/Ian.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My most popular fic on Ao3 is The Course of True Love (Arrow) and on FF Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic LoVe (Veronica Mars)

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes, I do. I’m working on a book, well, two books. But it’s going very slowly. The first is a memoir of my travels from around the world and the second is a vampire urban fantasy one. We’ll see how it goes, but I’d like to finish them by next year and see if I can get them published, but it’s hard so who knows.

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

Well, recently I’ve really been trying to finish everything I write. I have a lot of WIPs from years and years ago and even within the the last year, so this answer is pretty new. Basically, I focus on one fic at a time and write a little every day to stay motivated. Now, I try to update once a week on a certain day. I think comments/reviews and kudos and people being genuinely encouraging helps though. It’s also what’s gotten me considering finishing my older fics.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic Love (over 165k)

13. What is your planning process?

Now, it’s different. I have a doc of ideas and I wait to see which one I can’t seem to shake. Then I plan out each chapter with a few sentences and I have a list of things I want to focus on in the story. Usually, each story now has a kind of theme to it and a main focus. I sometimes will just want to write a certain situation/scene/focus and the story is born from there. But what really helps is writing down chapter 1, 2, etc. and having a sentence or two for what I want to happen. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but I never get writers block or forget what happened in previous chapters now.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Probably a mixture of fandom (or my personal) headcanons. I don’t start with prompts unless it’s a challenge or sentence starters. Usually, I have a scene I already want to write in my head and then I sit down and write it.

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

Yes, I’ve read several books on writing. My undergrad was creative writing too, so I learned a lot there. I also follow writing instagram accounts which are helpful. I take everything I learn with a grain of salt and I see what is best for me. The best advice I heard recently was short sentences and so now I’m experimenting with that.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

There’s a lot from many different fandoms. I used to be on FF.net as Psyc0gurl0 and now I’m ProstheticLoVe on a03. I like writing on ao3 better cause it’s easier and I love the tagging process. Plus the gallavich fandom on there is unreal. So to think about going back to ff.net to finish my WIPs seems like such a process now.

Currently though, I’m writing an Ian’s POV 5 chapter fic called Chocolate. It’s not out yet, but it’ll focus on Ian from 1x06 to 1x09 or so and how his feelings for Mickey change and evolve. It’s the second part to a series called Chocolate and Cigarettes. Mickey’s POV was Cigarettes.

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

Yes, I listen while writing but I need silence while editing. I have a Love (lol) playlist. It’s basically all the love songs that remind me of couples I ship. So for example, The Acid is in there a lot because their music is great, but also Basic Instinct is so haunting. Overall, I like all music except country, so sometimes I’ll listen to my larger playlists while writing.

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

So this has changed over the years. Initially, I wrote short chapters, then when I got back into fanfiction while writing klaroline they got a lot longer and now it’s just basically where the chapter has a natural ending. So the chapters are between 4 - 10k words depending. I try to get over 4k though. Right now, once I’m done with my current fic, I really want to write something over 100k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

A lot...none in Shameless though. Well, I guess my current one, but I haven’t posted that yet. I’d say I probs have about 10 WIPs spanning different fandoms. I know. But my goal for 2021 is to pick two and finish them.

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Not all of them. Some of them are from years and years ago. But I’d like to finish the ones that I still get reviews on. So there’s a SOAs fic I want to finish cause that fandom is so lovely. I also want to finish a klaroline one cause that was fun to write. And my Amy/Dan ones I’d like to finish. I would like to finish my Veronica Mars ones (I have two) but they need a lot more attention, so when people message me about them I tell them the planned ending.

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

“Fuck, Mickey, I probably shouldn’t have had the third Hot Toddy,” Ian grimaced as the world around him spun.

Mickey laughed at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Ian wanted to think his future husband just wanted to pull him closer, but he had a feeling it was to steady him.

“Probably should’ve cut you off earlier,” Mickey said tugging Ian closer.

Ian wobbled and plopped down on the back steps of the porch. Mickey followed suit a moment letter and they both looked out toward the backyard where the Gallaghers, Balls, and a few of the Milkovich cousins were alternatively huddling around a fire, drinking, and dancing.

“I blame Lip for making us have this stupid shared bachelor party in the first place,” Ian grumbled.

Mickey kissed him on the forehead as Ian lay his head on his shoulder. “It’s Sandy’s fault too.”

Ian hmmed in response and Mickey knew he was going to fall asleep any moment. He ran his hand up and down Ian’s arm and watched as Debbie bounced over to them.

“Jesus, you aren’t even married yet and you two are like an old married couple. Are you going to come dance or what?” she whined.

Mickey looked down at Ian, whose eyes were already closed, and then back up to Debbie. She was watching them with knowing eyes.

“We’ll dance at the wedding. Go grab Lip, I need his help to get Sleeping Beauty upstairs.”

Debbie turned to go get her eldest brother and Mickey looked back down at Ian. In his sleep, he nuzzled Mickey’s shoulder, breathed deeply, and a gentle smile appeared there.

3 more days and they’d officially be husbands.

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

I was about 10 and my cousin used to write a buffy the vampire slayer zine. There was a link to a site called buffyworld.com or something like that. And I found fanfic that way. There was a link on the site to ff.net and that’s how I stumbled across that. I stayed there for many many years until my second time in the veronica mars fandom around 2014 when I was lead to a03 and then I’ve been there ever since. On and off, my writing has fluctuated through the years based on my personal life.

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

Everywhere! omg. It’s insane. Gallavich I love writing for. There’s so many different facets to them, but truly everywhere I find inspiration. I have a whole doc of gallavich ideas that have stemmed from other fanfics, headcanons from me and other people, rewatching episodes, what’s going to happen in s11, cute moments i’d like to see happen, holidays, and just general life. I saw a pic of WW2 vets who were in a long term relationship and i was like mickey and ian! another idea is born.

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strangergrove · 5 years ago

Text

× VOL 002 × 05.02.2020 ×

TUMBLR | @pretty-bratty AO3 | prettybratty

× Baby Can You See Through the Tears ×

SERIES: Baby Can You See Through the Tears

CHAPTERS: 11/?

WORD COUNT: 60,811

There are a few things that Billy knows about Steve Harrington. Not a single one of them explains Harrington's weird as fuck behavior lately.

(or, when Steve acts out, it's apparently up to Billy to fix it, even if he doesn't know it himself yet).

Pretty-bratty weaves a beautifully cathartic story of desperation and release, of loneliness and compassion, of found family, of love. The story unfolds from Billy's POV, which allows us to see first-hand the struggles he experiences as he tries to improve himself and become someone Steve can not only trust and feel protected by, but someone he can count on to give him the structure and discipline he's been desperately lacking his entire life. Billy struggles with his feelings for Steve, with voicing them. At the same time, Steve struggles with learning to trust and obey and let someone actually take care of him for once, because even though that's all he craves, it's been ingrained into him that it's not okay to want that, to need that.

The story and characters are wonderful, but the writing itself is beautiful too. There are moments, lines, that just strike you and you have to reread them. There are pokets of stardust woven into the fabric of the story and it's such a delight every time you come across one. The whole fic is a delight. I look forward to every single update of this story.

× This aesthetic piece ×

FICLET

A short and stunning piece about the way the world seems to glow at every edge when you're madly in love with someone the way Billy is with Steve.

The writing here is just so beautiful and sensory. Reading it feels like looking through old Polaroids and reminiscing about those golden moments you had forgotten about. There's something in the way the words are woven together that feels good, sounds good in my head. It's sweet and fizzy and you want to envelop yourself in the feel of it. It feels like it could be a scene from an incredibly heart warming movie.

× This piece ×

FICLET

This piece is about lingering pain, about the way things haunt us, about how sometimes it's just best to show you're hurting.

I love the way Steve's life presses at the edges of this story. We know the things he's been through, we know about his absentee parents, but most of the people in his life don't. You can feel the way this pulls at Steve, how everything in his life is constantly weighing on him. The way we're told that Steve has a particular phrase set on repeat in his head, but we're not privy to this phrase immediately is a great tool, because the suspense of what has been grinding through Steve's head parallels beautifully with the pressure building beneath his skin. We get that release at the same time as Steve.

TUMBLR | @greyspilot AO3 | greyspilot

× objects in the mirror are closer than they appear ×

WORD COUNT: 2,334

CHAPTERS: 1/1

Steve wasn’t scared of much anymore, but as he tip-toed through the woods, dead silent aside from the crunch of leaves beneath his feet, he couldn’t seem to help the chill that crept up his spine.

Reposted for Horrorscopes round 1.

This story is the kind of horror that you can feel but you can't see. It creeps on you, slowly, latching onto you with invisible hooks. I got chills twice while reading this. The suspense, the anticipation crawls through the story in just the right way, and the pacing is spot on. We feel the dread building, the sense of wrongness growing more intense with every line. We know. We know something is wrong, off, and we can't do anything about it.

The use of single sentence paragraphs in key areas of the story drives it in such a way you can feel everything beginning to spiral out of control. One of my favourite tools used in this wonderful piece is the mirroring of the beginning at the end. You see these lines in a different way, in a haunting way. It's a lovely dip into Harringrove horror.

× i'm falling again (but this time it's in love with you) ×

WORD COUNT: 3,453

CHAPTERS: 1/1

All he knew was that one moment he was out at the quarry, beer in hand and Billy by his side and the next he was wondering if Billy’s eyes had always been that blue, if his skin had always been that warm, if Steve had always wanted to kiss him.

He hadn’t even really had time to process it before he fucked it all up.

There is a special kind of ache resonating through the entirety of this piece. It's in the way both boys are hurting so keenly. It's in the way neither of them are able to find the words to mend themselves, to mend each other. It's in the beautiful, delicate golden thread of hope woven between them, a thread that has since snapped. You can feel the ache, right there between the beautifully sculpted sentences.

The story drops you right in, forcing you to find your bearings as Steve is finding his. Everything feels certain and yet uncertain at the same time. You're left to suss out what went wrong, what's happening now, why everything feels hopeless, like it's too late to fix things.

× for him. ×

WORD COUNT: 840

CHAPTERS: 1/1

words aren’t something he’s good at (especially those words; he was never taught to say them), but steve needs to hear it, so billy would learn to say it. for him.

This piece is short and sweet, but there are a lot of things that aren't explicitly said, things we see in the thoughts and actions of our sweet boys. Steve's insecurities are so grounded in everything we know about him, in things we may not actively consider. Steve's entire life, he's always occupied a position that has led, in some form or another, to emotional dissatisfaction. So who could blame him for assuming the same of Billy? And Billy's entire life, well, when your mother tells you she loves you before abandoning you, how can you put much stock in those kinds of words? This beautiful piece explores the way these two types of thinking can clash, how they affect not only the person they belong to, but the person closest to them.

TUMBLR | @saltstuck AO3 | saltstuck

× cravings ×

WORD COUNT: 1,585

CHAPTERS: 1/1

“I bet you can’t go a week without smoking,” she’d said.

“Bet you a month of rides to the arcade that you lose,” she’d said.

and Billy, like a fucking idiot, had scoffed, said, “A month of zero rides when I win or no deal.”

Yeah, real smart, Hargrove. Real smart.

Hasn’t even been a full day and he’s ready to throw in the fucking towel. Fuck this bet, fuck his pride, and fuck Maxine.

God, he wants a fucking cigarette.

This piece has a very nostalgic feel to it, like coming home after a summer away. Billy and Steve are so in-character it's like watching a deleted scene, one that we should have gotten, one that we deserve, that the boys deserved. Billy's on edge, a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, and you feel it. You feel the itch beneath his skin, the little twitches, the craving.

The shift from one craving to another is exquisite. It feels natural and right and pulls the reader right along, to exactly where they want to go, to where that fix is.

× magnets ×

WORD COUNT: 939

CHAPTERS: 1/1

Steve knew it when he struck. He knew it by the crack of laughter bursting in the echo, when his lip split bloody under Billy’s fist, when porcelain shattered on bone and tile. Bathed in Billy’s brutality, he knew.

They were the same.

The calculation and manipulation in this story is subtle, it's its own artform. You can feel it slithering through the text, guiding an unwitting Billy along. There's a fantastic play here between caring and wanting to help, wanting to fix things, and wanting to fix the right things, or perhaps they're actually the wrong things, and put things back in places maybe they didn't go before, but places they fit so well.

× strangers in the city ×

WORD COUNT: 1,734

CHAPTERS: 1/1

Billy misses his Camaro, yeah, but the perpetually exhausted pretty boy he gets to stare at every day on the bus makes up for it.

AKA Steve needs his coffee and Billy can't keep his eyes off of him.

I absolutely adore this story. I've read it a few times since it was first posted and I smile ever time I reread it. The tone of the story is very much Billy, with its matter-of-factness and spunky attitude. It has the feel of Billy telling someone the story of how he met the love of his life.

One of the things I love most about this story is how natural and real it feels. We crush on people and it usually doesn't go the way we want, even for someone like Billy Hargrove. Things can get messy or weird, and it's no different for these boys. I love getting the opportunity to watch them try to work things out when things don't go according to plan.

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robinrunsfiction · 5 years ago

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The Lonely Road

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Reader

Rating: Teen (for online harassment)

Requested By: None

Word Count: 2,400

Author’s Note: Inspired by the song Outnumbered by Dermot Kennedy, so feel free to give it a listen as you read. Originally this was gonna be a Valentine’s story, but now Valentine’s is over, and so I just took out the brief mentions of it. Also it’s a Gerard story so of course it’s longer than intended so taking parts out probably is for the better 😅 Shout out to my number one @mariawritesfanfic for helping me wrap this story up

You scrolled through your twitter feed, as hours on the tour bus left you with few other options to pass the time. Your new album had just come out and you wanted to see how people were reacting to it.

OMG @(YFN)(YLN)’s album is awesome! Everyone check it out now!

The only reason she’s famous is bc of @gerardway

The album is ok if you consider she fucked her way into stardom

I stg if mcr ever breaks up it’s gonna be (YN)'s fault

(YN) should just break up with gee so he can be with frank liek everyone knows he wants to be

You felt sick to your stomach as you read through the messages. Sure there were tweets from fans saying how much they enjoyed the album, and they love Gerard and you together, but those weren’t the ones that stuck out in your mind. It was the negative messages that caught your attention and soured your mood.

As if he was reading your thoughts, a text from Gerard appeared on your screen. “Hey sugar, congrats on the album. It’s amazing and so are you xoxo love you”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes at the love and kindness of his message. “Thanks love," you replied before tossing your phone aside. You pulled shut the curtain on your bunk and let the tears fall silently.

You had met Gerard at an award show. You had always been a fan of his and My Chem, but you were beyond nervous to say anything to him when you saw him across the room. When he approached you and said he actually had been listening to your music and was a fan, you thought you might transcend onto another plane of existence right then and there. You found him to be surprisingly easy to talk to and exchanged phone numbers so you could hang out sometime.

Hanging out sometime turned into hanging out often. Then one night under the stars in his backyard, your casual hanging out turned into sharing your thoughts, hopes, and fears you'd never voiced to anyone. The next day you were worried you'd never see or hear from him again, having revealed too much of your emotional baggage too soon, but that afternoon he called and asked you out on a real date. The date was perfect for two people like you and Gerard, complete with a tender, careful kiss that took your breath away. In an instant, you were falling hard.

After that it really became you and Gerard. When all of your friends found out, they were so happy for both of you, as they could see how happy you made each other. Then one day the rest of the world figured it out as well. Gerard had come to one of your recording sessions and had snapped a picture of you laughing in the recording booth and posted it online with the caption "the most beautiful person making the most beautiful sounds ❤" The fans put it together and a barrage of messages flooded your social media feed. Some people thought it was cute, many were awful, but you let it all roll off your back as you were too in love to care what anyone thought.

Months passed, and now that album was out. You had hoped Gerard would be able to join you on the road, but My Chem was in the studio themselves so he wasn't able to be there. You understood, but being away from him for the first time, while dealing with the stress of releasing an album, your first tour, and his angry fans, it was almost getting to be too much.

You had finally fallen asleep only to be awakened what felt like moments later by your manager Christine's voice.

"Rise and shine rock star, time to charm the lovely people of," she paused and you could hear her flipping through papers, "Fort Wayne, Indiana."

You sighed. You had wanted this for so long, it had been your dream for years. But now you were questioning everything.

"We're joined in studio by (YFN) (YLN), her new album just came out last week and we are loving it here on 106.7 FM," the overly cheerful radio host announced. “You have a lot of fans here in Madison!”

"Thank you," you replied with a tired smile. You hoped your lack of energy wasn't evident by your voice.

"Tell us, how much of an influence was your boyfriend? And for anyone who hasn't heard, (YN) is dating that oh so sexy MCR frontman, Gerard Way."

You had gotten this question at almost every interview, as if you were incapable of creating your own music. "He was there for some of the recording sessions, but a lot of the album was written before we met, so not a huge influence musically."

"What's it like to date someone so famous?"

"I mean, it's not like a topic of conversation for us," you replied sharply. You glanced up and saw the look Christine was giving you. "I mean, we talk about music and our projects and give each other feedback, but that's pretty much it. We're pretty normal weirdos."

After the interview was over and you played a few songs live, and then reboarded the bus.

"What the fuck was that?" Christine asked as the bus rolled down the road.

"What the fuck is with these interviews? It's never about me and my music. It's about Gee or the people on the internet and all the bullshit! That's not why I'm out here! I want to talk about my songs!"

Christine nodded. "Ok, I'm sorry girl. You're right. I'll make sure the next one we keep it focused on the music. We can't have you blowing up on another host."

"I didn't blow up! I snapped at worst," you retorted, rolling your eyes.

"Either way, we're on our way to Iowa now."

"Can't wait," you muttered and crawled into your bunk.

The dark cloud that had settled over you was not going away or getting better. While Christine was doing a better job of reminding the interviewers beforehand to lay off the relationship questions, they still came up, sometimes after the actual interview was over, sometimes they just disregarded your wishes all together to get juicy gossip. You did your best not to appear annoyed, but the longer you were away from Gerard, the harder it got.

She's an ugly, untalented leech! She doesn't love gee or else she would have put a song about him on the album!

He doesnt seem happy like he used to before her

The album jsut sucks. I mean i didnt listen to it, i just assume it does

She should just die

You couldn't take it any longer. The constant, incessant stream of hate coming at you was too much. You dialed Gerard and went into the back of the bus, shutting the door behind you.

"Hey (YN), how is everything goin?"

"I can't do it anymore Gee," you said, trying to keep your voice steady

"Do what?" He asked, immediately concerned.

"Tour, be a musician, be someone in the public eye, I can't take it!" You sobbed, unable to control your emotions any longer. "I feel like I have no privacy anymore! Everything I do is wrong, everything I don't do is wrong! I just wanna give up! I don't wanna do this anymore!"

"Hey, hey, sugar, it's ok. Did someone say something to you today?"

"It's been every fucking day," you cried. "I wanna come home, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't want anyone to know who I am anymore."

"Take a deep breath," Gerard said, trying to keep you calm. "Where are you?"

"On the bus."

"Where are you going, or where were you?"

"I don't even know anymore. All I see is fucking corn everywhere."

"Ok, umm, where is Christine?"

"In her bunk," you sniffled.

"Can I talk to her?"

You got up and made your way to the bunks and knocked on the frame surrounding Christine's.

"Yea?" She asked, opening the curtain. "Woah, girl, what's wrong?"

"Gee wants to talk to you," you said holding out your phone.

"Hello? What's going on?" Christine asked Gerard. She listened and nodded and mm hmm'ed along. "She seemed stressed, but not that bad," she said as she watched you sink wearily to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. "No, I hadn’t heard that… Yea, we're setting out from Omaha now, on our way to Denver," she paused. "Ok... Yea... Sounds good. Yea, we'll get our girl through this."

You looked up at her from your spot on the floor and she smiled down sympathetically and handed the phone back to you.

"Gee?" You said softly, the anger and fear and frustration having quieted.

"Hey sugar, we've got a plan for you, you're gonna be ok. But where are you hearing from the people that are criticizing you?"

"Twitter," you mumbled and you heard Christine mutter "I knew it."

"Delete it, you don't need that in your life. You're too talented and beautiful and wonderful to let anyone make you feel anything less," he said gently. "I love you, (YN) ."

"Love you too," you replied, a smile finally cracking through.

"Get some rest, we'll talk soon."

You had immediately crawled into your bunk and fallen into a deep sleep. The weight of your thoughts no longer weighing you down now that you had shared them with Gerard. When you finally woke up, you were rolling into Denver. You made your way to the front of the bus to find Christine on her phone.

"What's on the schedule today?" You yawned.

"Nothing."

"What?"

"You need a day off. We've been pushing you way too hard, and I just wish I would have realized it sooner. So we moved your interview to tomorrow afternoon and we're staying here overnight."

"Really?" You asked, stunned.

"Yep, we're going to the hotel right now."

It was incredibly refreshing to be in a hotel with a real bed and shower, and everyone was actually thankful for your meltdown that got them this break.

You took an extra long, hot shower to allow your muscles to relax, and then crawled into bed to call Gerard and give him an update. As his phone rang you heard a knock on your door. Keeping your ear to your phone in case he picked up you answered the door.

"Gerard!" You squealed as you launched yourself at him and he wrapped you in his arms.

"I missed you so much (YN)," he murmured against your neck. "I couldn't stand to hear the pain in your voice and not be there to make it better.”

"But you hate flying! And your studio time!" You exclaimed as you pulled him into your room and he dropped his bag on the floor.

“We were spinning our wheels and needed a break from recording,” he smiled reassuringly before he leaned in and kissed you with all the longing that had built up over the weeks apart. You ran your hands through his black hair and felt the tears slip down your cheeks. “And I’d fly to the moon if it meant I could spend a minute with you. I just wish I could have been here for you from the beginning, I wish I realized that you were struggling.”

“I didn’t want you to worry about me. I thought I could handle it, but everything kept chipping away at me until I broke down completely.”

“I wanna worry about you, (YN). You’re my girl and I love you, and I wanna be there for you no matter what,” he said softly, wiping away the tears on your cheeks.

“Thank you,” you replied. “It’s just hard when it’s coming at you from every direction.”

“I know,” he said, pulling you back to him in a tight hug. “But for today it’s just you and me. No one else matters.”

You smiled up at him before pulling him into another sweet kiss.

The next morning you woke up with Gerard’s arms wrapped around you, holding you close. It almost felt too good to be true. As he slowly started to wake up, he gave you his lopsided smile and you couldn’t help but grin in return.

“I needed this so much,” you said as you buried your face against his neck.

“I did too,” he said squeezing you tight, his voice still raspy with sleep.

“Thank you for being here. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he said leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “Wait, I didn’t give you your presents yet.”

“What presents?” You asked sitting up, as he reached over the side of the bed to grab his bag. "I don’t have anything for you!"

"It's nothing, just a couple things I made for you," he said pulling out a large flat envelope and handing it to you.

You carefully pulled out the drawing that was inside. "Oh it's beautiful!”

"It's us the night we watched the stars and talked for hours. That was the night I realized I was falling in love with you. I was so scared you wouldn't even like me like that," he laughed softly.

"It's perfect," you replied. "What's this? ‘Gee+(YN)=gross, a big sappy love mix’" you laughed at scribbled handwriting on the cover of the cd case. Around the words was a big heart and lots of little hearts.

"It’s a mix of songs that remind me of you, and me and you, but Frank decorated the cover. He doesn't really think we're gross, he's just-"

"Frank," you laugh.

"Exactly," Gerard replied. "I was just hoping this would help you get through the last days of your tour."

"It will," you smiled and threw your arms around him. “I think just having you here for a day was enough to get me through. And I know now that I shouldn’t just bottle up what I’m feeling.”

Gerard nodded. “We’re a team, you and me. Let me help you when you’re down and keep you safe from all the bastards and shit talkers.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you smiled as you leaned in and kissed him. “But only if you promise to let me help you do the same.”

“I promise.”

#gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fic #my chemical romance fan fiction #tw: online harassment #tw: bullying

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melimelo-ao3 · 4 years ago

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Answers to the ask

So this is my answer to every ask of the “A Writer’s Ask Game” by agwitow that I reblogged just below.

Yes, I know, people are supposed to be the ones to send a number, and only then am I supposed to answer. But, since this blog has like, very, very limited interaction, and I had nothing to do, I answered them myself.

And I’m putting a time stamp on it: Wednesday 17/02/2021, because for some questions, in a week, it won’t be the same answer.

The Basics 1. Do you listen to music when you write?

I do, yes. I have a couple of playlists with songs – I know some people enjoy listening to music while they write, but only without any kind of lyrics. I don’t care either way. Some days it’s pre-enregistered playlists, others random, and others just piano.

2. Are you a pantser or plotter?

I’m mostly a plotter. I’ve tried to go pantser on a couple of stories (Pretty Boy is the last example that comes to my mind), but I end up knowing what I’ll put in the next chapters in advance. Even if it’s just the main plot point / scene.

3. Computer or pen and paper?

Computer. Except when I have writer block.

4. Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

I’ve never been published, and don’t plan on. I write my stories mostly for myself, and to me it’s a bit too over the top to, first, interest a publisher / editor, and then it would need lots of editing and… I don’t think I’m ready yet to see critics on my stories.

5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

I have no idea xD I suppose I’m happy if I get 1.000 word a day, especially if it’s a day I only concentrate on writing. Sometimes it can be more, but sometimes it can also be nothing at all. On days I have other things to do, I’m happy if I can write one sentence more during the day :)

6. Single or multiple POV?

At the same time? Single. In a story? It depends. Some stories I’ve written in a single POV all along, others I switched between chapters, and others within chapters, with a distinction between the “parts”.

7. Standalone or series?

Um, series as in several “books”? If so, there’s this story I finished last year. At first, it was supposed to be one single book, but things progressed as they did and so I chose to cut the overall, finished epic into three books. So it’s supposedly a series now.

Other than this, I usually cram everything up in one story.

8. Oldest WIP

Oldest oldest? I started a story called L’année scolaire (= School Year) when I was like 10. It’s unfinished, so I suppose I can consider it as a WIP. Other than that, if I’m talking about posted fic, it’s a Harry Potter time-travel fanfic called Une nouvelle chance de vivre (= A New Chance At Living). Same, the fic has maybe ten years now (damn, time flies) and has been untouched for… about ten years I believe xD

9. Current WIP

I have several! On my AO3 profile, there’s Sunkissed (an Achilles x Patroclus Omegaverse ff), The Bravest Belief of All (Amandi) (a Peter Pan x Wendy Darling canon divergence from OUAT) and I Desire You (or worse) (which is an original work with original character that I’ve just started posting) that I update regularly.

There are more on my computer, much more than I can type here…

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

Not at all. Because I wouldn’t respect them, and it would make me stress.

The Specifics 11. Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

Victor Hugo is the main one that comes to my mind atm. I love the way he writes and what he writes about. There’s Emile Zola’s Au Bonheur des dames, too, which is amazing, one of the best books I know of. And, for the beauty of language and the sheer poetry literally pouring from every single word, Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand is. breathtaking. I don’t know if they influenced me, because it sounds a bit pretentious to say that one can find some of these authors in my stories if they look closely, but they definitely represent what I aspire to.

12. Describe your perfect writing space

In a silent room, except there’s music (I know, it’s paradoxical). I have my computer and my head is resting (I mean, I don’t have anything urgent to do, it’s all done and behind me for the day) and I can concentrate on the scene I’ve been imagining for a couple of days / weeks / months / years (pick one).

13. Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Usually I have an idea, I play it in my head over and over again until I really like it and I have a couple of things found out (like, scenes or dialogues or narration – depends if the idea is about a story or just a single scene). Then, I write it. Admittedly, the polishing happens mostly when I play it over and over in my mind until it clicks or sticks.

14. How do you deal with self-doubts?

I usually listen to them, because it means there’s something that’s nagging me about a scene, a moment. So I go reread it, I think back on it – what can I change? How can I formulate it in a different way? – and I change it until I’m satisfied with it.

I experience a (lot) of self-doubt at the moment, with the first three chapters of IDY. I chose to post them, but I’m not entirely sure I’d be ready if people began to hate them or find horrible flaws with them. that makes me doubt whether it was a good idea or not, but I know that I can always delete them if it really goes downhill.

15. How do you deal with writer’s block?

I stop writing. For a couple of days, usually, to let my brain the time to relax and focus on something else. Then, I sit back before my computer and I open another word document – like a blank page. I copy paste the scene I’m stuck on, and I rewrite it under, while using a couple of sentences I feel are good. I repeat the process until the words flow back again.

(This sounds a lot like a cooking recipe xD)

For the real, unbreachable writer’s block (like, if the above didn’t work), I try to focus on other stories. If that doesn’t help kick the inspiration back (like for No, but I do – even though the writer’s block was cemented by GOT’s last season but that’s another matter entirely), I push the story to the back of my mind and I give it up.

16. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

As many as necessary until I’m satisfied with myself. I can’t give a number.

17. What writing habits or rituals do you have?

I imagine the scene beforehand, I listen to music, I write on computer… I can’t think of any other writing habit I have atm.

18. If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

I don’t think I could collaborate with anyone, sorry - -’ When I have an idea for a story, I’m excited with writing every single part of it, so I don’t think it’s for me.

19. How do you keep yourself motivated?

With the scenes I want to write.

20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

At the moment (meaning the ones brewing in my mind): 11.

The Favourites 21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

It depends with the story. I liked Weston in Pretty Boy (I like him too in I Desire You), and Wendy in Amandi.

22. Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

Weston/Edmund. They’re my OTP for now.

23. Favourite author

I don’t have a favourite author, I search for fics / stories mostly.

24. Favourite genre to write and read

Romance.

25. Favourite part of writing

I love writing dialogues, especially when the characters continue to talk on their own and I’m just transcribing everything and the conversation ends up very different from what I imagined.

26. Favourite writing program

None, I just write on Word.

27. Favourite line/scene

That’s impossible to choose! xD

On a writing’s perspective only, I’ll say the end part of chapter 3 in I Desire You (or worse). When I reread it and I could feel what the character is feeling / does (I’m being vague on purpose because I haven’t posted it yet), I knew I had to post it somewhere. I don’t know, I’m just really proud of it (and have the most self-doubt over people’s reaction, which is – as always – very logical of me).

28. Favourite side character

In I Desire You, I like Lucy.

29. Favourite villain

I don’t think I’ve ever written many villains. Ah, yes, Peter Pan in my OUAT fic. He’s a villain, it works.

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

I’ve been beginning a lot of WIP at the moment, precisely so I could start putting down all the ideas I wanted, so I don’t really know what to answer to that…

The Dark 31. Least favourite part of writing

Writing description of settings. I don’t really like how I write those.

32. Most difficult character to write

Edmund. No hesitation.

33. Have you ever killed a main character?

No, and I never intend to. I want my characters to be happy and alive.

34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

Chapter 3 of I Desire You? Or maybe the chapter 2.

Or the beginning of Amandi, which depicts the Peter / Fiona relation.

35. What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

Um, none at the moment :)

The Fun 36. Last sentence you wrote

I understand how he feels.

But I’ll probably change it. I’m not sure yet. It’s for IDY.

37. First sentence of your current WIP

Well, I have three, so I’ll put the three.

A frustrated scream would have torn the eerie silence and thunderous sound of waves if Peter had any strength left in him to scream anymore. For Amandi

“Where’re y’all running to?” For IDY

Patroclus’ lip trembled when they pinned the crown to his hair. For Sunkissed.

38. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

Oof, lots. I’ve often imagined confronting two versions of characters. Like, take characters, usually from period pieces or in mindsets that are very patriarchal, and make them see another version of themselves, usually in Omegaverse, in a sort of Harry Potter pensieve or television setting, like they just watch this alternate universe version of themselves as they go on their daily lives. And then I imagine all the ways this character would first be horrified / angered / dismissive of that version of themselves that they’d judge weaker because they’d be Omegas, and then, slowly, they see that they’re really badass and yk worthy of consideration, respect etc. Not just them, but all their mates etc. would too, as well. And then they would come out as this better person, who aren’t as prejudiced as they used to be.

39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

I don’t know, I think it kind of overlap with the precedent question? Anyway, my characters are (only) plain, normal humans. Or, well, there was one time I had an idea to write a story with elves à la Tolkien, but it’s not really a weird character concept (or at all really xD)

40. Share some backstory for one of your characters

Well, all my characters’ important backstories end up being revealed, so I’m not gonna spoil anything here…

I’ll take Curly from Amandi. He grew up in an orphanage, a poor one, which didn’t have proper beds (hence why he calls them pockets, because they look like pockets). He has no memory of his parents because they separated before his birth and his mother died in birth. He comes from a magical land (since we’re talking about an OUAT AU).

The Rest of It 41. Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

Write what you want to read.

42. How do you feel about love triangles?

I’m mixed. I’m not a fan of them, but I wrote one once, although it was a bit special because it looked like that: Person A is in love with Person B, and vice versa, Person C loves Person A and Person C (and the entire world) is convinced Person A is in love with them.

43. What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

I just go with it. They know better than me xD

44. How much research do you do?

A lot, but it’s mostly on little details. Like, not wars or political situation of the country at the time period, but more like were oil lamps still used for that class of population in said year, and can you snuff them out by turning the button (like in a slide sort of way, I’m not sure how to translate it precisely in English, but in my head it’s crystal clear).

45. How much world building do you do?

I do a lot. When I write a story, I like to know every little detail I can.

46. Do you reread your own stories?

Yes. That’s the main reason why I write them, to be true.

47. Best way to procrastinate

By searching for aesthetic pics on Pinterest. That thing can take hours and you never see them fly. It’s incredible. Worse than Youtube. It takes you from picture to picture to picture without you noticing. Amazing.

48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

I give a little bit of myself to every character I write about. Be it opinions, thoughts, childhood memory or taste. For example, Weston doesn’t like chocolate (he hates it with a passion) because I think chocolate has a disgusting taste (and because he never had the occasion of eating any as a kid).

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

Weston, because he’s friendly and extraverted, and I wish I could be more of both, and I imagine that being his friend would make me mimic him in certain ways.

#personal #me myself and I #writing ask

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psychicnymph · 6 years ago

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what happened to aphroditedolan?

hi everyone. i’m here to address the questions that i know many of you will ask. my sudden departure from the dolan twins fandom was not an entirely impulsive decision, so i’m here to explain.

first and foremost, i deactivated because of the sheer amount of blatant, cruel, and unacceptable disrespect i endured while writing for fun and for free. i would spend hours, upon days, upon weeks, upon months working on projects and i still got this disrespect. people were critical of my appearance, my strong-willed and passionate nature, the way i presented myself online -- but, amazingly, never of my writing. see, truth be told, arrogance in tote, my writing is phenomenal. it was rare that you’d catch a spelling or grammatical error (which is a direct result of my educational privilege, i recognize), each plot was well thought-out, each descriptor would bring the scenery, the characters, the erotic scenes to life; you name it, i took the time to near-perfect it. i wrote, edited, sometimes went as far as rewriting -- my point is, i was dedicated.

a few weeks ago, i even took the time to completely reorganize my blog; i gathered and linked all the small concepts & blurbs i wrote and put them into a masterlist, on top of updating my fic masterlist to be more aesthetically pleasing, cleaner, and editing pictures myself to put them on both masterlists. i did this because i was excited to continue the two short series which i had started: Let Me Get That For You and A Girl is a Gun. additionally, i had ideas, WIPs, and other projects i was planning and writing for that i couldn’t wait to embark on -- and then, it was like something changed in the fandom.

well, i suppose i can’t say changed. let’s say more like... got exponentially worse.

from the very beginning, there were two types of people who i noticed in the twins’ tumblr fandom: there were those who earned their numbers, and there were those who preached ideas of entitlement. there was also a hierarchy: big blogs, and small blogs. it was like a caste system of its own kind. i’d like to discuss this for a brief moment.

when i first started writing, i was absolutely nobody in the fandom. i wasn’t on other platforms, i hadn’t been a stan for very long, i didn’t know anybody -- the tumblr fandom was where i wanted to start and, for the most part, ended up staying. i mention this because at the time of aphroditedolan’s deletion, i was considered a “big blog.” how did i go from small to big, then? if it’s a caste system, how could i have transitioned?

the answer is simple. the system you all created doesn’t exist. in this fandom, you are either entitled or you are talented, and that’s about it.

i never sat around begging people to like, reblog, or read my work, and i never pleaded for followers. i got them because i put out good, consistent, beautiful writing. i interacted with people, i wrote for prompts, i reached out and cultivated friendships, i did what i went to tumblr to do: write and be part of a community that loved the dolan twins. that’s it. the numbers came through hard work, dedication, and most of all, earning every one of them.

no one on this earth or any other is entitled to likes, reads, reblogs, comments, kind words, attention, followers, or anything of the sort. yes, everyone deserves those things; no, you shouldn’t just get them. you should strive to earn these things. and honestly, while i think everyone is deserving of a chance, not everyone is cut out to be a writer. not everyone is made or meant for this art. because it’s an art. it’s a skill that needs to be developed and practiced. you can’t just sit down and bang out some writing. you absolutely must be dedicated and passionate about it if you ever want a taste of being successful. and that’s just it; some of you are doing this for the wrong reasons. you do it for the numbers. numbers do not fucking matter. they aren’t even real. it’s just a count of people who have physically interacted with your post, or people who actually decided to follow you.

everyone deserves to have their craft appreciated, but when you just start writing for the attention you think it’ll get you, that’s not a craft. that’s you doing the things you see others doing because you see the attention they get and you want a piece of that for yourself. it’s a shitty, horrible motive. and then, when it’s obvious that writing isn’t your strongest talent or even a genuine passion of yours, you whine about some system that isn’t fair, you create something to blame for your lack of success -- of course, it must be the bigger blogs.

i’m proof that that just isn’t true and y’all are lying to yourselves. in less than a year, i ended up with 4k followers and extremely successful pieces. again, because i earned it. through time, effort, and dedication, i earned it.

another thing that came with the culture of entitlement in the fandom was people being self-pitying in order to evoke guilt in their audience, so that people would go and tell them, no, your writing is so good, keep it up. they did it as a means of getting the attention they hadn’t earned. people got into the habit of trying to use me for more attention. they would feign friendliness, interest in my blog, etc., all to say, hey, can you check out my writing and reblog it?

i don’t fuck with that shit. it’s a huge part of why i had to turn my submissions off and my messages off from people i didn’t follow. i don’t like people who only care about numbers and want to use me for more numbers. it was beyond disrespectful that people thought i couldn’t see what they were trying to do; honey, manipulation is a skill just like any other, and i’m better at it than you are. don’t try it on me.

besides the overly-entitled, suffocating people who would shit on, criticize, and blame others for their low numbers which resulted from their sheer lack of effort and self-awareness (and by this i mean actually stopping to question 1. what is your motive here and 2. is what you’re producing actually good or is it slapped together messily?), there was also the culture of feedback to the writer from the audience.

it was rare that i’d get any other response on my writing besides “part 2?” “more?” “part 2 plzzzz” “you need to update this” and etc.

how many times is the writing community gonna have to say that those comments aren’t helpful, kind, supportive, constructive, or ANYTHING besides annoying? they’re demanding. they push the idea that they just want more of the same ol’ shit. even after i made it blatantly clear on more than one occasion that i don’t take requests and would not be adding a part 2 to something unless it was upon my own discretion, there were still constant, never-ending, tireless requests for more, or requests in general. it was frustrating and infuriating. i was so tired of repeating myself. and when i stopped repeating myself and started linking people to asks or my FAQ where i had already answered that question, people wanted to act like i had an attitude. people gave me endless grief that i was a bitch, aggressive, had a shitty attitude; no, babe. i just wasn’t tolerant of poor treatment. you should try to start adopting this attitude for yourself. respect yourself and know your worth. it’s really as simple as that.

when the biphobic comments rolled around, i’d had enough. it’s when i decided to take my break, truly because i was furious (as i had every right to be) and because that whole situation made me not want to write at all. all my passion and motivation to finish projects i’d been so excited to do for you guys went out the window. it’s sad that y’all pushed me over the edge this way. i gave it time, i let the wounds heal, i let the anger fade, and i started an official hiatus to do this. i’m also in school again, which meant i’d be less active anyway, and it felt like a good idea to just put some distance between myself and the tumblr fandom. but the distance has only solidified the feeling that i’m just not appreciated as much as i deserve to be. and i don’t mean in numbers. i mean for the amount of effort i put in to get constant backlash on things that don’t even have to do with my writing, to work so hard only to be pissed the fuck off, to dedicate so much time and energy to a group of people only for y’all to erase my identity, send me hate, try to act big and tough and like you’re the shit behind anonymous... i’m good luv, enjoy.

there are also other factors; truths about some of the people in the fandom that are idolized, the constant plagiarism of my work, the overwhelming sense of responsibility that came with keeping up with my blog like it was a job, among other things that i don’t care to elaborate on.

so that’s it. i got tired of the same old shit and i know i deserve better. below, i’ll answer some questions that i think some people may be left with:

are you and luna still dating?

yes. for the last time, yes. we are dating. we are a couple. we love each other. we are in a long distance relationship and we are actually dating. not like two besties pretending to date because it’s quirky -- we are actually. fucking. dating. and no, nothing happened between us to make me make this decision. we are doing great.

are you gonna write ever again?

in my life? yes. for the twins, in this fandom, or on this platform? fuck no.

are you still a fan of the twins?

yes! oh my god, probably always. no matter where they go or what they pursue, i’m there with them. they have made my life better, and i have a lot to thank them for. i’ll just be enjoying their content from alllllllllll the way over here.

are you gonna be blogging about the twins?

not at all. in fact, i don’t even follow rockstardolan because i’m keeping my dash away from all of that. i’m not following any dt related blogs. i’m gonna do my thing over here, and love the twins in private, on my own terms.

why did you delete all your writing?

in truth, after everything, i don’t even want it to remain there. i essentially wanted to erase my contribution and my footprint on this fandom. plus, having my writing just out and about, having already been plagiarized so i’m sure you can find some things in various illegal wattpad compilations, makes me worry about more people doing that. i wanted to keep that damage to a minimum. so yeah, they’re gone forever.

what about your friends, people you interacted with, etc?

the people who matter will stay in touch. there are some people i’ve cut out from my life for good because they’re toxic and quite frankly i just don’t like them. i’m done subjecting myself to people i don’t even fucking like for the sake of keeping others happy. but, the good friends who respected me, treated me well, etc, they’ll reach out when they can. i’d say i encourage it, but i have a lot on my plate as is and have a hard enough time keeping up with things in the real world, let alone things online. there’s still love there, i’m just keeping a safe, healthy distance and doing what’s best for me.

if you have other questions, you can feel free to ask, but i’m really not in the market for new friendships. it’s not that time in my life. i literally cannot handle more than what i’ve got on my plate, and i’m keeping my priorities in order. i don’t care if you think i’m rude, if you think i’m a bitch, if you think i’ve got a bad attitude, if you think i’m a piece of shit, if you’re angry, if you’re sad, even if you’re gonna miss me -- this is for me. i’m letting this out as a big, fat fuck you to the things and people that ruined my experience on aphroditedolan, and as an explanation for the few people who deserve it.

take care of yourselves. do the things that make you happy. don’t tolerate things that don’t make you happy. do no harm, take no shit, and most importantly,

stan the FUCKING dolan twins.

signed,

daniella/dani/aphroditedolan, however you have known me.

#aphroditedolan #what happened to aphroditedolan?#personal #an update

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