#usually there are exceptions made where shit doesnt need it

[eph3merall]

dealer!chris x innocent!bff!reader hcs 🦌

dealer!chris . . . who always has a part of his mind thinking about you. what are you up to? classes? work? friends? hangouts? he'll text you and pretend to not care much, but deep down he just doesn't want to admit how much he worries over this girl who is just his friend.

innocent!bff!reader . . . loves and adores all things autumn. her clothes are fall staples that include lots of denim and earthy tones. so whenever she's hanging out with chris and sees something to add to her closet or keep as a trinket or decoration, she'll look up to chris with pretty lil' eyes and how could he deny her? sometimes he'll purposefully look away and shove her away from the store because she keeps burning a hole through his pocket.

dealer!chris . . . despises situations where innocent!bff!reader roped into his 'job'. there are shady people buying some strong shit from him, and he knows matt would also screw him over if innocent!bff!reader got harmed because of him. matt sees you as a best friend, someone he needs to protect because his brother is a little fucking stupid sometimes. dealer!chris always tries avoiding problems when it seems as if you're gonna get involved with any of his deals.

innocent!bff!reader . . . who's had a boyfriend or two before. she's just never had sex, and once she told chris he was laughing at her and giggling with his eyes all red. 'fuckin'... you're jokin', right kid?' and when she tells chris she's dated less than five people he's laughing harder. gosh, what an asshole.

dealer!chris . . . always carries a lighter with a printed cat photo on it that innocent!bff!reader glued/taped onto it. keeps a picture of her in his wallet as well—a polaroid of her awhile back in the winter, running into the horizon as snow fell around her frame. he could hear the giggles she made just by looking at the photo.

innocent!bff!reader . . . who has severe nosebleeds once every few months or so. it'll get so bad to the point she's crying because she thinks she's gonna die—with chris grumbling all annoyed with his hand fisting her hair so it doesnt get caked in blood. sometimes hes high and just stares at times while she yells at him to get her a hairtie or to grab ahold of most of her hair.

dealer!chris . . . who's, again, literally just an asshole to everyone. you're barely an exception. one second he'll be laughing with you and once he's with a buyer or some of his friends, he'll act like you're some dirt on his shoe. plus he's just plain ol' mean. wont take bullshit from anyone, not even his brothers. matt pisses him off more than nick does. but of course, they're his brothers. so he isnt.. that mean.

innocent!bff!reader . . . who grew up sheltered from everything in life. her parents are overprotective and she's their only child—only serving to make them more anxious when she's out. met chris through nick since the two were in a class together. something clicked and they've been hanging out ever since, usually in groups. chris and his friends are nott a good influence on her. but her mother doesn't have to know, does she?

dealer!chris . . . lovess cute coupley things. he just won't ever admit it to anyone he knows, not even his brothers if they ask or jab at him. secretly, he loves it when innocent!bff!reader hugs him tight or brushes her fingers across his skin. but he'll always stick to his go-to response—a scoff and he's pushing her away, muttering some shit like 'god, fuckin'.. annoying as hell always touchin' me.'

innocent!bff!reader . . . tries getting herself off with her fingers for the first time in awhilee since meeting chris because he just makes her feel so weird. all hot and bothered and it's gotten so overwhelming that humping her pillow alone in her dorm room isn't enough, so she's sliding her fingers inside her cunt slowly and mewling all softly in the privacy of her dorm room. she doesn't even realize that she secretly wants chris to see her like this.

dealer!chris . . . fucks with girls left and right. a new chick at each party that he sells some drugs to, and, if they're pretty enough.. he'll let them suck his dick or something. hey, he got to cum down some pretty brunette's throat and got a fat stack of cash? win-win. but when he met innocent!bff! reader... she went to house parties with him sometimes. which resulted in him not getting to fuck a girl's throat-which also resulted in dealer!chris fucking his own fist at night with the thought of you in his head.

—

©eph3merall 2024

[ha-youwish]

Rating the FFXV official minecraft skins

Of course ffxv has a fucking minecraft crossover, but since theres not really that many popular major characters they have made some.... interesting picks for this. let's take a look

the chocobros. the guys. yup. thats them. its hard to see gladio's nose so it kinda looks like his eyes are hella far from his mouth.

either way they all look gay as usual 10/10

ardyn's look here is a little less detailed than i'd want it to be. it doesnt capture the look of all the layers he wears (maybe it needs more contrast?). his mouth is so wide for what. also i want his hat. where is it.

give me the hat. 7.5/10

lots to talk about here. regis is looking pretty damn accurate. luna is a little bland, even with her normal clothes being white i feel like there could've been more detail. the rest of these capture the general vibe tho the level of detail is unequal smh. i like how cute iris's outfit is.

overall, luna 6/10, the rest 8/10.

i was lamenting the lack of tits on cindy but the wise @orangenuggets let me know its bc of the top surgery. 10/10

aranea, wedge, and biggs. i pretty much only remember aranea, and honestly there should be another version of her skin with the helmet that shit went hard. i like the hat on biggs, even though i had to double check which one he was oops. the helmet for wedge looks a little awkward it doesnt feel like he's a character here

10/10, for aranea and biggs, 7/10 for wedge

this is what i call the "why are you here" section. we have evil science guy, that one blond bitch who like immediately explodes and dies, the fucking nifflheim emperor, gilgamesh??? daemon ravus??? whoever the fuck this is???? why are you here. who wants to play as any of these guys except for like. ffxv minecraft roleplayers.

the skins are accurate i guess. 5/10

they decided to put some of the enemies from the game in here. as someone who hardly remembers any of them its similarly as "okay. why" to me as the last group. the tonberry is cute and kinda dinky looking. i really like the mindflayer design surprisingly... that def brings it up a point

overall 8/10 for these guys

MASCOTS YAY, these are all pretty cute and bulky, really gives off the costume feeling. the chocobo bigass beak is adorable i like it a lot 11/10

gentiana's design here actually goes way harder than i thought it would. she slays 20/10

now for the astrals! shiva is so blue. i need like 10 more of her thank you. 10/10

the god of being sososo mad at everyone. i think if there were more raised textures on the body it'd be cool ykwim? 9/10

its ramugh. if only you could remove the leg walking animation so he floats ominously. i suppose there's mods... 9/10

titan. his design was pretty simple already but somehow this doesnt look like him to me? am i crazy? 7/10

bahamut that stupid god that i hate. i hate how sick this looks. i hate him. 10/10

and last but not least.... the design that sucks the most......

LEVIATHAN. WHAT THAT THING. 10000000000000/10

i think the lesson to be learned here is that you can tell how good the original design is when you're forced to simplify it. and also dont make minecraft skins of an angry water snake thing.

[lggy]

I’m on both and every time I go back over to aphtwt it’s like that guy with pizzas going into a room on fire

its a long ass story thats been going on since the reveal of s7. here's just a recount of what's been going on lately for anyone curious i guess. its just to answer why a lot of people are icked out by laurance right now and why people are saying "i cant enjoy laurance anymore"

bascially laurance's va doesn't know how to properly manage his image,

ive been following him long before, he would have a few old tweets and tiktoks where he gets really annoyed towards aphmau fans, and reasonably so

...after the reveal of s7, he tried coming back to make his brand Laurance except he's using his NFSW bdsm account. after people started trying to link his nsfw links to his aphwiki page i made a twt post asking people to stop doing that. thats when we realized seb is obsessed with searching himself up on twitter and he proceeded to QRT me and make a few response posts reiterating what i said and apologizing for interacting with minors on his nsfw account. he made a new alt account for interacting with fans on aphtwt.

that was back around september-october

he searches himself and laurance up constantly to QRT and pick fights and stuff. its clear he's going through mental shit - he talks about it a lot. but it took him months to realize hes not fit to be running an account to host his image/brand that he wants to be about Laurance. he picks up on any drama around himself and kinda has a villain speech every time someone doesnt like him. im kind of starting to feel bad for him.

this is all while lowkey begging Jess to contact him again to bring him back for VA work, cryptically referring to her sometimes as "The Creator". I forgot to mention he had this whole "Guys im having a huge reveal, Im coming back to VAing for a very special charater.." thing. me and a lot of people picked up on him being kind of.. fake? basically, he shit on aphmau before, equated VA work to a MLM, then had a total sudden switch-up as soon as s7 was announced and realized he can renew his role. he had a video saying he wants this job to get a new tattoo.

^ 'What's wrong with wanting money?' the thing is being a VA means you need to have a good image and thats usually generated by having a good fanbase. all that really said was that he's just hopping on a bandwagon to get paid and thus his fan interactions just came across as desperate and bait-y and fake as hell. think about how other VA's interact w their fans then compare it to this,

what happened yesterday was that garroth's VA announced he was doing a mystreet rewatch with much of the og cast!... then sebastian QRT'd with this

someone even asked if he can join them too

then he joined the discord. then got banned after 10 minutes.. then crashed out about it on twitter, posting that garroth's va blocked him. not posting the massive paragraph he had because its kinda the sameburger poetry. i genuinely have no idea why he would post this than to like, try to get people to turn on garroth's VA. severely inappropriate behavior for someone trying to come back to being a VA

allegedly, seb had livestreamed a while ago where he said something along the lines of, (quoting from oomf's memory) "I don't recommend you contacting or asking any of the old VAs about me, I don't know if they still think about me the same bc of how I was back then. Bipolar Disorder was really bad for me back then, it made me so edgy." and how other VAs had issues with him and tension. - i dont have a source for this but it lines up with this tweet :

where he very inappropriately and for no reason mentioned he had issues with another VA. the problem is he had NO reason to bring that up and had the situation he was referring to was about gene having a fill-in on a cocomau video and nothing to do with seb himself or any drama or anything.

aaand i think thats all. that's the laurance downfall crashout chronicles , i didnt want to get too detailed but i can ask questions and whatever

personally, i nevr really beleived this guy would ever get hired again. all because he uses his real/brand name for his porno stuff. the company does background checks yknow

[ros-is-thinking]

Hehehhehe guffaws evilly and violently 😈😈 does bro perchance have any headcanons for namgyu 👉👈 especially lee!namgyu, there’s not enough in this wee fandom 😔

dances away on a rainbow

ok i made an ATTEMPT, just for u oomfie (so sorry if it’s ooc i tried my best </3)

NAM-GYU TK HEADCANONS ^_^

cw // mentioned/lightly implied thangyu and swearing

🍴🎹💉🐈‍⬛🌪️

・probably doesn’t partake in tickling stuff TOO much unless it’s around thanos

・ ^ but when he does participate, he is a LITTLE SHIT

・ mostly is a lee but does tickle others occasionally

LEE

・ nam-gyu’s relationship with being tickled is a little strange imo

・ while he is devastatingly ticklish, he finds being so verrryy humiliating but isn’t too strong/intimidating (except to min-su, that poor boy quakes in his boots at the very thought of tickling nam-gyu) so nam-gyu gets tickled more often than thanos does

・ ^ unless hes with thanos. thanos is the only person nam-gyu enjoys tolerates being tickled by

・ ^^ if he gets tickled by someone other than thanos he will PUNCH THEM (or at least try to)

・ he gets attacked by thanos so often. thanos thinks it’s funny

・ he HAAATES being tickled in front of people he's not close with (he thinks he has a reputation to uphold. he doesnt)

・ thanos likes to poke and prod at him a lot and it never fails to make nam-gyu yelp

・ giggles like a little girl when tickled

・ struggles to form words when under attack, it kinda just sounds like a keysmash

・ ^ “STAAHFSFJSAAHAMSHGKNV”

・ collects ‘unusual’ spots like pokemon cards

・ ^ for example, his hands but especially his knuckles (hence the sweater paws)

・ is very ticklish on his shoulders/shoulder blades and general back area

・ ^ could NEVER handle any sort of shoulder massage because he’d just be squirming around giggling

・ ^^ his friends would relentlessly tease him for it when he was growing up to the point where he got really self conscious about it, and nam-gyu was surprised when, instead, thanos just cooed and called it cute

・ worst spot is absolutely his stomach/abs and his knees/shins

・ can and DOES get flustered, and, if you’re lucky, sometimes he blushes

・ likes to cover his face/eyes with one arm and (attempt to) push his ler away with the other

・ his giggles get SOOO high pitched if his neck or his jaw/jawline is tickled

・ thanos likes to taunt him by saying ‘tickle tickle tickle’, nam-gyu hates that it works

・ loves soft tickles. would rather fall into a blender than admit it

・ thanos is veeerrry easily provoked which nam-gyu takes advantage of, even if it’s a subconscious thing lmaoao

・ pretty easy to sum up: if you aren’t thanos (or as close as thanos) and tickle nam-gyu, then he will just actually fight you LOL

LER

・ do i even need to say it? RUN

・ DO NOT STOP RUNNING EVER. YOU ARE RUNNING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE NOW

・ much crueler than thanos cause he takes out his anger on his lees and enjoys the rush of power he gets from it

・ ^ you’re gonna hear this a lot, but thanos is the exception to this. nam-gyu is usually just being playful with thanos LOL

・ enjoys tormenting min-su with tickles a lot. poor boy does not get any mercy

・ tag teams with thanos often, especially against MG coin/myung-gi (saw this in a fic, ty mr/ms @/letupabit)

・ ^ they are both SO mean when together, it’s a hazard

・ sometimes pokes at gyeong-su but doesn’t really do more than that

・ like thanos, he ALSO once tried to tickle se-mi

・ ^ and just like thanos, nam-gyu learned his lesson the exact same way (a knee to the crotch. cough)

・ LOOOOVES to tease his lees, he’s very verbal

・ ^ he loves the way they get so flustered, it gives him a bit of a power trip

・ ^^ specifically enjoys speaking in a high-pitched baby voice, just to mock them lol

・ rarely struggles to pin people down, but when he does, he calls on thanos to help, and if he does that’s how you know you’re fucked

・ even though thanos is usually the one tickling nam-gyu, nam-gyu ABSOLUTELY gets him from time to time

・ ^ he is well aware that thanos will most definitely get revenge. he does not care (sometimes its why he tickles him in the first place)

・ isn’t TOO good at it, but has a bit of an eye for knowing what spots are worse than others on his lees

・ ^ he’s working on it don’t worry

・ ^^ when he DOES manage to catch a killer spot, he gives the biggest shit-eating grin and you just know you’re screwed

・ soft tickles don’t really exist to this man as a ler unless it’s with somebody super close to him, and even then, he will absolutely pretend he’s not doing it

・ ^ occasionally tickles thanos just to see him smile if he’s down or smthn, and will proceed to pretend he isn’t doing that and instead makes up some bullshit excuse of ‘getting revenge’

・ ^^ refuses to admit either things to himself

・ there are two wolves inside nam-gyu: one is an absolute monster and one is soft and he refuses to believe the latter exists

🍴🎹💉🐈‍⬛🌪️

thanks so much for the request!!!!!! i tried to conjure up some nam-gyu hcs for you, not very proud of these at all but whatever yippepeee!! at first it was a little difficult to think up stuff, but then i just kind of word-vomitted words out of thin air. and so, you get this LMAOOOO

sorry if it’s not to your expectations, but i hope you like it!! and. once again, i have no idea how to end this so ………. byeee?? LOLAHSKFHJXG idk 😭

[the-s1lly-corner]

Creepypastas comforting the reader

except some of them arent particularly good at it + as per usual jeff ben and toby are written as platonic everyone else can be seen as either or writing a silly little thing before i tackle in on requests, falling into the same vibe as the "hugging/kissing creepypasta characters" post from last week since i do enjoy rating these lads on thing ehehehe obligatory "these style of posts go over my personal character limit but since this is writing for the admin he bends the rules a bit" anyways uhuh totally dont give me ideas for these eheheh winks

SLENDERMAN:

not much of a talker in general, and i think that remains true in scenario where you're upset/crying. but he does make it clear that hes here for you... just... in a general sense. you know? refuses to leave you alone unless you directly ask him that you need space; more so watches out of concern rather than his usual curiosity. i think he would make you a warm drink and let you vent to him. more of a logical approach than an emotional one; better at giving solutions rather than giving comfort.. though i like to think that his tentacles will pull you close if you want to lean into him, will let you cry into his shoulder with no judgement. 6/10 low score simply because sometimes one needs comfort in the moment instead of solutions, you know?

SPLENDORMAN:

i think hes the opposite of slenderman. hes all emotions first, logic later. if he already knows you comfortable with it, i think he would come in and scoop you up in a hug.. hell he might even cry with you, or do the equivalent of it (admin is still on the fence of whether or not he has eyes or not! torn between them being actual eyes or markings) will make you your favorite snacks and drinks, all the while letting you cry and vent to him. gets mad on your behalf if someone had done you wrong, does not make your feelings feel small or invalidated. if he could he would confront the person who treated you unfairly.... and in fact he might, who would ever believe the person that they came face to face with a ten foot tall monster? though... this can lead to him being a little quick to make choices that might have big impacts... 7/10 love this man need to write more for him and develop my hcs

EYELESS JACK:

you know now that i think about it, given how much i write for EJ, i swear ive done a similar prompt at some point. regardless of it i did and if my hcs are the same, im going to go ahead and drop my hcs. i think hes very similar to slenderman in terms that hes more of a solutions > emotion person.. though i do think hes more likely to join you in any shit talking if someone did you dirty... do i think he would target that person next when hes going to go 'hunting'? no... unless the person did something truly awful and unforgivable, then he would definitely consider it.. probably wont go through with a harvest, though.. but thats it whole other thing. more of a talker than slenderman, so at least he has that going for him. lets you sleep in his bed if youre venting to him in his cabin 7/10 one point higher than slenderman simply because he talks more n stuff

LAUGHING JACK:

im gonna be so real i think he can go either way if hes going to be good at comforting you. on one hand hes too silly and might not take it too seriously; or he might try to make you laugh.. which COULD work but other times makes it look like he doesnt care about your feelings. on the other hand i think he can give some solid adivce, but thats only based on the fact that i love it when unhinged hyper characters suddenly drop the most valuable info. shrugs. i mean if you need a distraction, i think lj is your man to go to ! he was literally made to entertain so i dont think its going to be too hard for him to take your mind elsewhere. i think he would offer to cook you something but i also think hed probably be banned from the kitchen because he cant cook for shit. has probably set water on fire somehow level shit. so instead you guys just sit together talking... mostly its him leading the conversation, though. doesnt leave you be until you at least give him a smile... 6.5/10 only because i dont know how to rate him here

MASKY/TIM:

oh not at all emotional. well no thats a lie but hes not very emotive. thats the more correct word. look if we're talking about masky, hes probably going to be really bad at comforting you unless your means to be comforted involves being watched... though i do think he would fall into the act of service hole.. does all the chores and such for you so you dont have to worry yourself about cleaning a pan thats been in the sink for two days now. tries his hand at cooking, but i dont think masky is the best cook.. TIM on the other hand.. but we'll get into that in a minute. probably ends in you guys ordering something but hey its the thought that counts. if someone made you upset you notice over the course of the next few weeks that person starts outright avoiding you and overall seems anxious. weird. probably unrelated! 7/10 only because im badly overworked irl and the idea of someone taking charge sounds like a dream

tim i think would be similar, but hes more expressive for you... will cook for you but if your favorite food happens to be really specific or something else, hes probably going to run out and get it. torn on whether or not he would tell you before he goes, or if he sticks to keeping it a surprise.. i think he would tell you just so it doesnt feel like hes abandoning you when youre down..! not much to be said here other than him being supportive 8/10 i would KILL for some white cheddar popcorn rn

HOODIE/BRIAN:

i think he would put you to bed. actually i think both of them would but to keep things clear im still going to divide this like masky/tims. i think hoodie is going to keep you in bed, even if youre not particularly tired. dont bother trying to fight him on it, hes only allowing you to get up for the bathroom. let him take care of things! very similar to masky, picks up on a lot of the chores. i think he can cook, though, definitely better than masky but i dont think hes like. top tier. likes making you little snacks, or food thats generally deemed as comforting (mac and cheese, cornbread, ect). doesnt talk (sign) much but will occasionally sign to you asking how you're feeling 7.5/10 love this man, so mad kid me used to sleep on hoodie

very similar, but an even better cook than hoodie so be prepared to eat good. communicates with you more than hoodie and makes small talk while cooking. i think he would keep the chat lighthearted and on a different topic rather than tackling your feelings, unless you express that you want to vent then hes all ears! not because he doesnt care more so because he doesnt want to seem prying or nosey and wants to give you the choice yourself. sometimes makes jokes about stuff in order to try to get you to smile. feels victorious when he succeeds 8/10 mad i slept on him too

TICCI TOBY:

i think he might actually be TOO strong and in your face when asking you what happened. only one who outwardly offers to krill someone if someone were to make you upset. but thats just because i think toby can occasionally get protective of you. i mean youre one of his best friends (only friends) and here you are upset! if you dont want him to do anything hes going to try to contain himself. he strikes me at the type to retreat to the roof and look up at the stars... i think he would offer to do that with you; but if youre too scared to climb then he can lay out a blanket for you so you guys can go sit on the grass! surprisingly a very good listener, though very emotionally driven and reacts a lot when you tell him the details of your day.. but its nice, i think, reassures you that hes is in fact listening.. 7/10 gives off brother vibes

JEFF THE KILLER:

ohhoho so this is an interesting one, because i like the idea of jeff still acting like an older brother every now and then even after everything. but he also has that attitude of "i dont care about anyone around me and im better than everyone".. more of an actions than words guy. he wont really say it.. you know? one of those "if he actually didnt care then he would bother giving you the time of day, much less break into your house at night with his arms full of your favorite snacks and drinks". good luck trying to vent to him though, i think its rare that he lets anyone vent to him since he also holds the "ew yucky feelings" thing ben has.. though once in a blue moon i think he would let you and give some decent advice... though every now and then that advice involves punching someone 6/10 is fair i think...

BEN DROWNED:

kind of reminds me of how younger siblings will give their older siblings know they like. kind of like the "my brother saw me crying and asked me what my favorite color is... he gave me things in that color" post/image going around that i cannot for the life of me find but i know it exists because it made me cry. i think its like that. except since hes in your phone he already knows what your interests are.. probably pulls up what your comforts and likes are in an attempt to cheer you up. i dont think he would bluntly speak with you about your feelings, but thats just because he thinks heart to hearts are yucky and cringe/lh. uses videos, art, stuff like that. ehehe silly phone ghost 7/10 because as simple as it is, if someone tossed my cc at me i would feel at least a little better for a moment and its the action itself you know?

PUPPETEER:

i thin hes similar to jeff in regard that he tries to play things off but deep down he does care, and that tends to show more through his actions... though i personally think if you were to actually cry then he might lose it a bit, because who DARE? i gotta admit, im still trying to figure out how i want to write pup and what hcs to give him, but i think.. this is an okay take.. might 'confront' anyone who made you upset, with or without your approval which might make some issues between the two of you.. more ready to let you vent to him though, might slip out some mean insults and words about whatever's got you upset regardless of its a person, chance, or object 7/10

[lvxybby]

Flu Season (sick Kai Anderson x reader)

i lied in the warmth of my bed, the bedside lamp was on. it was past 9 o'clock at night already. kai was in the bathroom brushing his teeth while i waited for him to come to bed. he finally finished and hurried over. "im fucking freezing" he mumbled sitting on his side of the bed. he lied down then pulled the soft blanket up over his chest. he turned over to face me. "kai its 70 degrees" i said turning over to face him. heat was radiating off his body. his legs were pulled up to his stomach. i let out a sigh before placing my hand on his forehead, then cheeks, then the back of his neck. "you have a fever" i mumbled moving my hand back to rub his face. he sniffled a bit. "ok...you need to rest and ill get you medicine tomorrow...ok?" i spoke gently. "ok" was all he said before shutting his eyes. i turned the light off before i fell asleep also.

i woke up to feel kai cuddled into my side, still asleep. he was moving around quite a bit. i let out a hum before getting out of bed. i looked at the clock on our dresser. it was only 8:30. kai would usually be awake at this time, but it makes sense that hes not and its best i let him get sleep. i placed a soft kiss on his head before going to get him some medicine. we only had liquid medicine he hates it but hes going to have to get over it. i agreed to take care of him when i agreed to be in a relationship with him. i placed it on the kitchen table along with some water to wash it down with. i knew it would be a while for him to get up so i continued with my regular morning routine.

i was scrolling on endlessly on twitter and sipping my coffee on the couch until i heard familiar heavy footsteps trailing down the stairs. i turned around to see a very pale and exhausted kai. "morning. i got you medicine and i made coffee" i said smiling at him. he just grunted before shuffling over to the kitchen table. "i hate this shit" he groaned looking at me. "ok first dont look at me because ill just force you to take it. and second you need to get over it. theres water right there to wash it down with." i said turning my attention back to my phone. he scoffed before turning back to the medicine. he spilled the thick liquid in his mouth before quickly chasing it down with water. he sniffled again before coming over to me. he sat down next to me. "wheres winter?" he asked. he sounded sick. his nose was stuffed and his voice was scratchy. "with one of her girlfriends or something" i said setting my phone down to look at him. "ok" he mumbled. "c'mere...does your throat hurt or do you have any body aches? maybe fatigue?" i asked as i put my hand to his head to see if he still has a fever. he nodded slowly. "ok you still have a high fever...you need to relax...sounds like you have the flu" i placed a kiss on his head.

kai was very quiet. mostly cause his throat hurt. i went back to scrolling on twitter. he looked over my shoulder to see. "want breakfast?" i asked abruptly. "sure..." he said rubbing his eye. "ok...what do you want?" i asked turning to him. "anything" he said. i smiled and got up to make breakfast. i like it when kais sick. i know he feels bad and is uncomfortable but thats not what im talking about. i like his attitude. hes more tired. hes more calm. hes not angry and doesnt get pissy easily. but the best thing out of all of that is hes cuddly. especially when nobody is around except us, he'll lean on my shoulder then eventually either have his head on my lap or will lay in my arms. i love it. plus it lets him get a break from everything. he doesnt have to worry about meetings. or city council. or anything else. i love it.

soon a colorful fruit salad was made. one for me and one him. i walked back out and over to the couch. "all done" i said softly, handing him the bowl of fruits and a fork. "want some coffee? you can have the rest of mine." i asked. "im not having anymore" i smiled. he nodded again. i handed him the cup. i turned on the TV to the news station. i didnt care for politics but some of the shit they say is interesting. so i dont mind. kai loves politics though. he may have just started getting into them but its what he likes. i eat my breakfast, my eyes darting back and forth from my food to kais face. hes so handsome. his face is sculpted perfectly. his beautiful eyes. his hair. there isnt a thing i would ever want to change. hes a very good looking man. "you ok?" he asked looking over at me. "hm? yeah im just thinking" i replied. "about what?" he questioned "you..." i say smiling. "what about me" he asked again. "about how much i love you"

A/N: im sick so i wanted to write a fic about kai being sick. sorry i havent been writing alot.

[cowboy-robooty]

no guys see robooty itager is the slowest burn fucking imaginable. because i think that 1) italy would have to initiate them dating since germany thinks hes rejected forever after buon san valentino (my boy loves one sided crush) and 2) if they dont slow burn theyll crash and explode. because i think italy takes forever to realize he genuinely really fucking love germany and ONLY loves him and is willing to be loyal 'n treat him well to have him. Since i think italy isnt the type to really love ever since his kindergarten crush so he takes forever to recognize what he feels is genuine love (plus his love is born from a sense of entitlement but thats a whole 'nother enchilada). but yeah and because they take forever and are fully developed in their feelings when they date things are happy happy sunshine swag peace and love ❤️ they do stupid shit as bros the only difference now is they make out sometimes and japan cries himself to sleep everyday ^_^

but in a world where somehow they started dating BEFORE italy completely sorts out his feelings then OHHHH MY GOD. HELLWORLD. LITERAL HELLWORLD. because italy would totally cheat on germany and germanys heart would have youtube poop glass shattering effect explosion and italy would be #unloyal and #mean #scumgong and he would break up with germany for being so clingy and upset about him breaking his heart everyday or germany would break up with italy because everyone in his entire life (2 people: japan and prussia) is telling him that he needs to because italys making him chew glass (they take like 6 years to convince him and have to resort to saying its for italys own good if he breaks up with him). and then when they break up germany would hashtag die and explode because he obviously still loves italy but hes held back by prussia to not come back to him and tries to satiate his autistic brain by thinking "he was mean to me and told me to leave. im sorry ill leave now sorry for bothering you" and he also doesnt feel close to anybody except italy and has to go "brother....... i am.... not feeling good right now........" and cant say much else bc WE SAW IN THE ANIME GERMANY WANTED TO VENT ABT ITALY AND REALIZED HE HAS NOBODY BC HE ONLY IS CLOSE ENOUGH IN THAT WAY TO ITALY. and then cut to italy and hes partying it up because hes pissed off at germany for being on his ass hardcore every single day for the past god knows how long (hate my wife syndrome) until a while later the partying slows down and he has a bunch of moments where he thinks "well usually right now germany would do [thing]" and that builds up until he is hit with the full realization that germany is not going to stay by his side anymore. because hes run away now and hes never ever coming back. and that realization is like the evil version of italy realizing that he loves germany and wants him to ALWAYS be by his side; so much so that hes willing to do what it takes and compromise and be loyal n shit to make that happen. and now italy is freaking out because he doesnt feel this urge ever and now hes already fumbled the dude hes fr in gays with. but this realization is evil because its under a sense of panic and shit so its also motivated by italy feeling a sense of entitlement to having germany by his side and like HES SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

and from there italy would get back together with germany either easily bc he would just ask and say sorry and germany would go "well to be fair I should have been better as well. yes we should try again i want to too, i will try my best to not fail you this time." or it would be hard because germany would have his mind made up (with prussias support and urging and shit) to be like no italy we arent good for eachother and i cant (shouldnt) forgive you for doing those things to me and italy would be like Oh. and chew glass and freak the fuck out until he decides hes going to use #emotional manipulation and sob to everyone about how germany wont take him back and make everyone hate on germany and call him a terrible guy n shit to make germany feel so guilty and think hes an awful person to italy that he takes italy back. but even then their relationship is now fucked up forever because they live in perfect symbiosis thats their entire thing but now they dont because germany now has doubt of italy because of how he went into their relationship before and didnt give a fuck and italy unlocked his evil paranoia because now when he gets scared that germany will leave him he cant be comforted by thinking that would never happen because IT DID. HE WAS SEPERATED FROM HIM IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE GERMANY RUN AWAY. and because of that italy gets a lot more freaky about not wanting anyone to like germany so germany wont like them more than him and being emotionally manipulative and possessive and yandere shit because his paranoia is driving him to it. itager is great because it has so much potential to be evil like italy could emotionally manipulate germany so hard and all that shit but it would never happen because germany is so loyal and obsessed with italy that he never makes italy feel paranoid and like he has to. theyre like imagine if someone who has potential yandere gene in them dated a person who loved them more than anything in the entire universe and bends to their every will and never even glances at another person. that yandere gene is never getting activated bruh and at most manifests when italys like WAHHHH GERMANY YOU WONT LIKE RUSSIA MORE THAN ME RIGHT?? WHY DONT I HAVE THE MOST GERMAN TOURISTS IN THE WORLD WTF IS THERE SOMETHING ABOUT ME I NEED TO CHANGE????? but in the world where they rush things they break up and it disrupts all this homeostasis and makes them a little evil afterwards because italy has excessive paranoia that cant be quenched and germany has autism doubt because "he betrayed me once...... so hell probably betray me again *cries*"

[my-castles-crumbling]

so im a lesbian and my best friend is bi and for some reason i cant shake off this feeling which is kinda like jealousy/envy? here's the thing, i realised i was gay before her, came out before her and shit but she has had more queer experiences than me like she has dated someone, broken up all of that and im kind of afraid that i wont be able to experience that bc we're in high school rn and in our education system high school is rigorous and it affects our future a lot like grades and shit so not only will my parents not let me but i dont think i can commit like that either so yeah, that and she's js sort of more likeable than me in some aspects

and then she openly likes stuff on insta about being sapphic and there's nothing really stopping me except i just cant bring myself to do it and the worst part is like she's very self centred at times so any conversation about me somehow becomes another conversation about her which pisses me off to no end like a few days back i commented on how something was "about me" as in it felt relatable and she made it about the two of us except i dont think it is and ik her extremely well and there have been other instances where i've sent her stuff about my experiences and feelings and she has made it about herself but here's the thing, she'll send me shit which is about her and i dont make it about me as well even if i find it relatable

like even when im talking about who i like it'll somehow turn into the umpteenth conversation about who she likes??? this happened even when she was dating, so yeah and anytime she asks me about the girl i like it usually goes "im sorry im being annoying tell me about x" and bc people have given her the perception that shes annoying i cant even say it and i have to reassure her and encourage her to tell me about it and it has just gotten to the point where i dont even feel like talking to her about my life or my crushes bc when she likes someone so she'll make it the focal point of her life and consequently our conversations and im js so sick of it

long story short idk it's just so annoying and ik the first part sounds biphobic but i swear im not i just feel so annoyed sometimes and her self centredness doesnt help

Hi! <3

Okay so three things:

Your journey is your own journey. Just because one friend has had experiences with relationships before you, doesn't make her experience better or something like that. Don't push yourself to be like her- allow yourself time to accept yourself, you know?

Going along with this, you don't have to be completely out if you're not ready. That's YOUR decision, and you have plenty of time to get comfortable with yourself.

It sounds like you DO need to talk to your friend about wanting to be able to talk about your stuff. As someone who often relates other people's issues to my own (ha. I just did), sometimes people who do this don't realize it. But you also have the right to say "hey I want to talk about this right now and I need empathy, not you making connections." Asking for what you need isn't rude, its advocating for yourself.

Remember that it's okay to take time to figure yourself out. High School isn't going to be the highlight of your life, I promise you. Things will just get better and better, and youll have more opportunities.

Sending love and naming you sapphic anon!

[motions1ckness]

hi 🙂 can you do roman roy x asexual fem reader where reader has a crush on roman (shaky hands blushy cheeks when he is close) and gardener in logan's house, so one day roman is walking in garden and hears her talking on the phone with her friend about how she doesnt want to have sex with anyone, and will never have children etc. And realizes she is just like him. Aaaand He starts talking to her...

ofc and i hope you enjoy!

content: ace!reader, f!reader, pining, fluff, mention of sex

Your mornings started with a 20-minute commute to manage Logan Roy’s garden. What the fuck does he know about flowers? To your surprise, a lot. Marica hired you as a gift for Logan. She told you his mother used to bring discounted bouquets home when he was a kid, so no pressure.

Today went on like the others, showing up at nine, and doing your job, except for the part where his kids stopped by. Fuck.

His youngest, Roman always caught your eye. Usually, you would be there for a few hours and be gone by noon, but now Roman was here. You tried prolonging your stay, now glad you began wearing summer dresses to combat the warmth.

Frankly, you've never spoken to any of Logan’s kids. They'd sometimes call out to you, or Roman would comment on Logan, “only hiring hot people.”

Before heading out, you phoned your roommate, who teases you because you casually walk into a billionaire's home every day.

They picked up within two rings “Hey, what’s up are you almost off yet? Or does the old man want you to be human furniture?” They say with a sarcastic tone. You laugh but also don't put it past the family.

“I’m about to go, it's just, you know his son? Roman, the one I keep telling you about?” You were slightly pacing, turning to peer inside, but it’s not like you could look in if you want to. Logan made it impossible for anyone to peek in.

The call caused Logan to notice you chatting and not working. He sent Roman to check on you, which caused him to feel Logan was punishing him by sending him outside. With a soft exhale, mixed with a groan, Roman headed towards the terrace.

“Oh? Should I break out candles? Pre-order a new mattress?” The other line egged on. You rolled your eyes at the comment, completely forgetting you were at work. The terrace was rather big. It wrapped around half the suite. Making Roman’s entrance undetected.

“Yeah, sure. But for real, It’s not like a sex thing. You know I’m not into that,�� you slightly clear your throat, embarrassed by the thought someone would hear you from inside. Unbeknownst to you, Roman was listening to the conversation. When he heard you talking about sex, he panicked and moved toward the wall so you couldn’t see him. He thought it would be worse if you found out someone heard you. “It’s already bad enough it’s my boss's son.” That caught Roman’s attention, apart from him fearing you were talking about Kendall, but he couldn’t stop listening. Like a book he couldn’t put down.

“I think that makes it more fun. You know, sneaking around. But without the sex. Anyway, what was he wearing? I need more details than just his name and what the press says. C’mon, tell me who is the Roman Roy.” You liked how engaged your friend was, fearing opening up about your crush would end in humiliation.

“I don’t know what he’s wearing, I can’t see through the glass. But uh, I don’t know ‘the real Roman Roy'. I don’t interact with any of them. They’re all scary as shit, but I think it's time to head out. It’s fucking scalding.” Followed by exchanging goodbyes and looking up when the next train was going out.

Roman knew that conversation was about him, which made him nervous talking to you. It wasn't the first time you piqued his interest, how your wardrobe changed according to the weather, and how meticulous you get about the garden's appearance. You fascinated him. He also felt relief hearing you didn't want to sleep with him. Intimacy was his grey area, and he loved not feeling pressure to do it.

Roman waited a few seconds before emerging and speaking up, “Uh, my dad um, just wanted to know what you were doing out here,” Oh my god. He undoubtedly heard you. You wanted to curl up and die or resign out of embarrassment. Maybe he JUST got here, let's hope.

You turned to face him, feeling your face flush, “Oh, just heading out, looking when the next train is going out,” You put on a smile, hoping it makes you seem coy. It didn’t. Even if he didn’t overhear you, your face was beet red and your hands were slightly shaking.

“Well, I was about to head out, maybe, I can give you a ride? Or get a drink somewhere?” You could've sworn your face turned scarlet. Holy Shit. You stood in awe for a second, unable to fathom the words he spat out. “Um, y/n? Are you having a heat stroke or something?” He shields his eyes, feeling the heat against his skin, “He is a piece of shit for making you work out here, wow.”

You finally grasped what he said, “Y-yeah it’s actual hell out here, but going out sounds fun yeah.” You tried your best to sound easygoing after facing the worst embarrassment you've ever endured.

“Cool, uh, my driver is downstairs already,” he said in a merciful tone, gesturing for you to exit first.

The car ride was mostly silent. A few questions got thrown out asking about your job to ease the drive. The bar was incredibly upscale, feeling out of place arriving in your work clothes. Roman did his best to make you feel comfortable, he paid for the tab, and reserved a quiet area; he was trying to impress you. He asked about your life while you tried your best to pry about his.

“C’mon, tell me about something not so surface,” you paw at him, the two of you facing each other. You scanned his face as he took a sip of his drink, patiently waiting for his response.

He set the drink down, slightly smiling to himself because of the comeback he came up with, “So you could know ‘the real Roman Roy?’"

[awesomsaus]

Deltarune: Swatched Fates master post

deltarune: swatched fates (witch im just going to call SF) is an au i made last summer when i was really really bored and it isnt my best work but i kinda like it

the story goes that spamtons little helper guy on the phone never stopped helping him, spamton continued to get more and more powerful until he eventually became this jeff bezos-like capitalist villain.

everything in the cyber world is owned by him pretty much, all the products are manufactured by his company, etc

obviously, the queen wanted in on all his popular stuff, so she started selling it in the shop in her castle. because of the addison that moved in to sell it, swatch lost his job

when you arrive at the part where you would normally meet spamton for the first time, you instead meet swatch. he hasnt gone as insane as spamton would have, hes more just depressed and hungry

when he meets you he recognizes that youre a lightner, and you could help him. swatch has knowledge about the neo body, and wants you to bring him to it so he can fight spamton, probe hes better, and get his job back

you can load swatch onto the empty disc and take him to the basment, as you would have with spamton, you put him into the neo body and...

nothing happens, you can leave the basment entirely and head back to the main room of the castle, where the addison shop is

at this point, spamton and a few goons have arrived to perform a quality check on the shop, you'll notice they have significantly cleaner and more expensive clothes than nearly every other person in the dark world, the exception being the queen of course

at this point, the lights go out, and then turn red, green, and blue interchangeably (they flash alot, so if for some reason anyone ever animates this there will be an epilepsy warning)

swatch decends from the ceiling, attatched to a bunch of differently colored strings, and immediately beats the shit out of spamton and the addisons after a minor fight

he then turns to you

he explains he doesnt know what the strings are, but they're restricting him, he needs you to cut them and set him free

a fight begins, still in the main room of the castle, it plays out similarly to the spamton neo fight except more swatch-themed

at the end, weather you fight or cut the strings, swatch will fall and die similar to normal spamton

the rest of the game plays out how it usually would, as this is near the end of the game, however youll notice in the city backdrops that most of the billboards are no longer lit up

[sugarmountainspring]

April 15.

6:30 : I woke up. Liv was having bad dreams. I had 2 coffees and got dressed while consoling her. I didn't wanna go to work. I grabbed leftover dinner from the fridge, switched my insoles from my rubber adidas to my cheap jordan work shoes, grabbed my backpack and tool bag and went out to my car.

8:00 : I showed up at the office. Its liv's exam week so she doesnt need a lift to school cause theyre all online. I'm always early. Today my drive took me about 10 minutes. I left late and everything. Mondays I go to the office, most other days I just show up where I'm needed. B***** the office lady is taking some time off (I guess), and as usual I show up before the boss. I clock in and clean some old cardboard and garbage from the warehouse. I have a chat with L***, the architect. He tells me about some DJ software he uses and tells me he ran a DJ company for weddings and graduation parties for 26 years. Every time we chat he always reveals something cool like that. After a bit I go out to the front room of the office and hang out with Z**, S*** and N*****. J**** is late, as usual. After a while chatting like that, I check my phone and realize I had a call from my dad (who is also my manager). He says there's a couple of things to do around some properties out in A**********. I like those properties cause nobody is really out there except for R****, the super of the property. He's nice enough but he always talks about stupid shit and doesn't listen back. That's one thing, he's old so I kinda expect that. But if he catches you out by his properties he'll give you all kinds of work that's his responsibility but he doesn't want to do. Luckily, I avoid him as I pull into Building A.

10:00 : Unit 302 has some pretty bad water damage. I throw on the new Super Eyepatch Wolf video to listen to while I work. Above the window is a huge sheet of drywall, heavy, warped, and half fallen out of place. I start by trying to slice it up. I saw and saw and saw with my utility knife. I make a cut about 2 inches into the sheet. No dice. I decide hitting chunks off with my hammer would probably work better. I give it a hard whack and make nothing more than a small dent. Awesome. It looks like the repeated wetting and drying have turned the naturally flaky, wafery drywall to what is equivalent to a solid piece of cement. At this point, my grade 11 and 12 auto shop teacher's words ring in my head. "There are surgeons, and there are butchers. You should aim to be a surgeon, but butchers exist for a reason." I start tearing down the sheet with my hands, careful not to disturb the L-bracket that holds the bad piece of drywall to good ones around the window. From the ceiling falls several dead wasp nests and what appears to be a birds nest. No critters in there. Lucky me. I pack up the debris I've made and toss it in one of the garbage bins around the property.

11:30 : this is why I like a********** properties. Nobody ever does anything around here. At the end of my last little bit of work, I cleaned up the hole I made with my knife. With that solid drywall, my blade broke off like I was trying to carve the hole out of a lemon wafer stick. I just spent the last 20 minutes fucking around, trying to find a new blade. Nobody breathing down my neck or telling me to get back to work. It's kinda nice. Once that's done, I remember I was told to help out cleaning up the properties. Normally what that entails is moving garbage people are too lazy to throw in the garbage bin from the side of the bin to the inside of the bin. At the main hub I go to at this property, the bins are overflowing with junk and there are 4 twin sized box springs, 2 couches and several bags of garbage to the side. Hm. Down the line of houses and apartment buildings on the street, lots of bins that are much emptier. Guess I'm doing some hauling.

11:54 : I've scoped out some empty bins, and I've thrown some couches and shelves into them. I never ate breakfast, so I eat lunch. Today, I will be eating leftovers, a luxury I don't normally have. Normally, I'd eat at Wendy's, A&W, or grab something from the hotplate at the Foodland around the corner. But today I'm eating the Thai chili chicken on fluffy jasmine rice I made yesterday. Saving money never tasted sooooo good. At this point I'm listening to a video from one of my favourite channels, ANIKI, about the history of the yakuza from the 17th century to today. I grab a seat in my car, roll the windows down a crack because it's getting hot out (finally) and chow down.

12:05 : I finish lunch. During lunch, I think about how my car really needs an oil change, and how sometimes the "check coolant" light pops on. With the weather changing, I understand the latter and that doesn't worry me. The former? A little more pressing. There's one mechanic I trust in town. It's hours are the exact same as my work hours. I use my car for work so I can't just drop it off and pick it up at the end of the day. And one of those "half hour oil and tire change" places? Forget it. My mom got one of those a month ago and she's had nothing but trouble with her car since, from them explaining she needs a new fly wheel which she didn't pay for, to a transmission fluid flush that she did pay for, which immediately sprang a leak, stopped working, and needed to be repaired at the garage I trust that I mentioned earlier. I can change oil no problem, I just don't know where to dispose of the old oil. Maybe I should just lean into being scummy and throw it in the lake or just let it drain into some Tupperware and throw them into public trash cans. Much to consider. Much to stress over, more like. But for now, I'm back to slugging around old dirty wet couches and beds. I would ask myself why I don't get a desk job doing data entry and sending emails, but I know I'd be just as whiny and complainy there as I am here. At least here I get some exercise and some sun and a decent wage. My town isn't exactly a hub for business, but this is where I live so I take what gets doled out to me. There's a real meth problem in my city. Everywhere you go, you see people pushing shopping carts full of jumper cables, old shoes missing matches, and pounds upon pounds of sweets, eyes bugged out of their heads, screaming at people, twitching and itching all over. I've been having a nagging thought over the past couple of months that, while that seems less than optimal, I'm kinda at my breaking point. Should I just give up on regular society and run with that society? Or should I finally do what I've been thinking about since I was 15 and just kill myself. I know everyone says life gets better as you get older but I found that hard to believe back then, and I still do today. For now, I haul garbage.

2:49 : moved around as much junk as I could. There's still a couple of couches and a huge mattress by one of the bins but they don't fit in my car and the next empty bin to the one they're next to is about a kilometer away. I still have an hour left at work today so I may drag them over. I may not. Who's to say. I may just hang out. That's the beauty of working at the farthest property from the office. Nobody's gonna say anything! Since I last logged my stuff here, I went out to the D*** road property. It's a lazy Monday, I'm done all my make readys for my move ins next month so I'm not stressed, and I just cleaned up some garbage there. There's a lot less to do over there. One box spring, a couple cardboard boxes, and an old bathtub. All tossed in a bin. I caught one of the cleaners out there and we talked. I'm bad with names, so I can't put it here, even in a redacted form. She's nice though. We just talked about how expensive shit is getting, and how much of a dickhead our boss is. He drives a ferrari. He's a landlord. He's kinda a local villain. He sent me and everyone I work with an email to explain that we wouldn't be able to get in touch with him cause he's skiing in the north pole right now because business is so bad because hamas terrorists killed a bunch of innocent colonizers on the other side of the planet. OK man. I've worked here since the beginning of January and I still haven't seen him. And this is his second vacation of the year. Last was at the south pole. Thoughts and prayers dude, I hope you can crank up rent even higher soon 🙏. During my chat with the cleaning lady my bestie sent me some pics. During high school we were super tight, but their parents moved to Nova Scotia on our last day of grade 11 and they've lived there ever since. But just yesterday they touched down in Alberta for a summer job out in the mountains at some kind of resort. Included in some of the pics they sent me was a trailer park at the foot of some mountains. Doesn't that just seem beautiful? I'm not a man of excess, I'm very very easy to please, I think I could do well in a cheap double-wide with a view. I think I could convince Liv to get out there with me. She's in school right now so it would probably take a year or two. But I've talked about moving all over (even to alberta) so many times this is all just another pipe dream. That being said, best of luck to the homie Llewellyn and all of their future alberta endeavors.

4:00 : leaving work. Didn't do any more cleaning. Just sat around.

4:26 : just got home. Liv stayed home to study for her exams. But she cooked me some Ramen and hot dogs that were ready when i got home. Thank you Liv ❤️. She's watching a YouTube video where some Korean guys bite things in a kitchen, and some of the things they bite may be cake. It's a beautiful warm day out so I put down my tools and stripped butt naked, sat down on the couch, and dug into my food. I think I'm going to play some pokemon quarantine crystal on my phone.

4:54 : changed my mind and changed the TV to something we can watch together. Literally since I made that last entry to now I've been looking for a movie to watch. I settled on hereditary. It took me half an hour to find a movie. I think there's something wrong with my brain

5:15 : Liv wanted to paint so I'm here on da toilet thinking of things to paint

6:29 : I painted a face. I always paint faces. This one came out ugly. That's ok cause plenty of people have ugly faces. I feel ugly so I wanted to make something kinda ugly. I had a beer and now I'm laying in bed. I never nap but I feel like I want one right now. I asked Liv to wake me up in 20 but idk if I'll actually fall asleep at all. Guess we'll see.

6:34 : instagram was always fucking dumb but now it feels extra extra dumb.

8:29 : Liv came in to "wake me up" (I didn't sleep) but she climbed into bed and we held eachother and we had sex. We left bed, she continued painting and I played some Persona 4, which I haven't played in a bit. Good news everyone: Yukiko Amagi is safe!! Me and Liv are going out to get Boba now. Liv's painting is really pretty. A long time ago she painted one really similar to what she's painting now, so this one is kinda an update. A psychedelic bust of a headless pink and yellow lady on a royal blue background. She says she's gonna have flowers busting out of a crack in her chest and her head hole. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

10:04 : it's the end of the day. I took my garbage out and passed my downstairs neighbors in the hall. We said hi. Paper recycling today. I've been slacking on that one. I don't care about recycling, it's just that it tears the regular garbage bags so it's easier to put it in a bin. So it's all outside now. I took a quick shower. I didn't wash my hair because I don't like the way it looks after it's been washed, all poofy and round. I blew my nose in my hand and it was still black from the dust in the unit with the warped drywall. A symbol of a hard day's work. Well, maybe not that hard. Either way, I'm in bed right now. Liv is calling her mom. They're tight. When she hangs up, we'll probably watch some simpsons or seinfeld and fall asleep hugging eachother all soft and warm uwu

[snaziestbean]

ali informations post :3c

(reminder that ali is supposed to look like a human but i hate drawing humans so i draw them and my other sillies as cats most of the time. i think i have a few drawings of ali not as a cat though, if you wanna look for them)

immortal. they really dont want to be though(L). i'll hopefully make a better information thing about how that works in the future, but for now you get this: there are technically a few ways for them to be not immortal anymore, one being to give the immortality "curse"(which is what i'll be calling it from now on) to someone else, the other is having someone else who has the curse basically ripping it out of them. with the first method they would age normally from where they left off and just be kinda normal-ish, but the second would kill them instantly. when someone gets the curse they become stuck at whatever age they were when they got it(both mentally and physically. this is how ali is both 16 and millions of years old at the same time) and their body cannot change in certain ways(no scars(except for what killed them, if they got the curse from being killed and infected) actually the scars thing was the only one i really thought about. something something no change is permanent, no marks or blemishes remain, unchanging husk of a person, haha angst). there are also two ways to get the curse, someone who has it gives it to you and loses it themself, or someone kills you and infects you with it(which can sometimes happen unintentionally depending on the person(ali has not, to their own recollection, ever done this. and if they have they very quickly corrected their mistake(probably through murder))). also the curse basically inflicts eternal bloodlust(not really sure how to phrase it lol), so anyone who has it has constant uncontrollable urge/need to killing murder(and also eating people). for some reason(probably something to do with them being one of the first to get the curse and/or partially the fact that they killed the god that made it) ali manages to not succumb to that and is fairly in control most of the time, though they do have that urge(and they do killing murder, but like. by choice. and not random innocent people or whatever). after learning about how shit works ali took it upon themself to wipe out every cursed immortal so that no one else would have to suffer eternal life having to kill people against their will(or if they kill people willingly/are not willing to give up the immortality ali just takes it by force. though they do prefer not having to do that, and most people who get the curse dont end up wanting to keep it(if they ever wanted it in the first place). also ali didnt know about the "giving up the curse to someone else" thing for a long time so they did just kill a lot of the people lol). when someone gets the curse they also kind of become something technically different, example ali used to be human but because of the curse they technically arent anymore. the curse basically makes them a whole new thing. any name this thing may have had before is long forgotten and ali cannot be assed to come up with a new word for it

extra thangs:

ali(short for alias) isnt their actual name. it is (haha) an alias. they dont remember their old name and dont care enough to try to come up with a new one to permanently go by. they kind of cycle through random names(one of which was dun. short for dunno lol)

gender: who cares

sexuality: no

doesnt actually like killing/hurting people, but its pretty much become a part of who they are now and violence is very useful for getting shit done

helped many revolutions, ruled a few kingdoms(kind of. mostly a figurehead/symbol, but tends to be very involved in whats happening with citizens so nobody fucks anything up. it usually starts sneakily but people usually figure out its them pretty quick, and the weird ruler/god/whatever coming by the local cafe for a nice chat and a cup of tea is just normal)

raised a kid for a few years once. did a pretty alright job considering the circumstances. kid ended up hating them though(reason for that wasnt related to how they raised them, but because of the circumstances that led to ali raising them(in a war, some asshole military guy wiped out the kids town before he could be unmilitaried, because military guy was under ali's command they were widely considered responsible for it)

lots of dead besties L

would probably be a lot more stable if they werent resisting the killing murder eating people

has killed several gods. including the one that originally made the whole immortality thing(which didnt used to have the extra effects of craving violence always, that was actually something that was added because said god got really pissed or something. theres a whole origin story there that i dont have the energy to explain)

got a fun extra thing(likely gotten from the whole "killed the god that made them immortal" thing) where when they kill someone/something powerful enough they might get one of that someone/somthing's abilities. but they dont ever really use the abilities because it feels awful and makes it harder for them to keep control

gets wings sometimes. the amount of time they have the wings for varies a lot, and usually they only lose the wings when they are literally torn off

acts like a freak on purpose to try to prevent people from caring about them

so fucking tired all the time. this bitch gets no sleep ever

witness to many many many many many horrors

does not in any way see themself as a god/higher being of any sort. sometimes people will think they're a god or something and they dont like it, they are just a guy who happens to have weird shit going on and is immortal

theres definitely more stuff i could put in here but i cant think of it rn. i also made something i intended to be an ali ask blog but the chances of ever being able to use it are very low because there probably wont be enough people seeing it to make it work ;w; (the blog is @ali-alias)

[lordoftablecloths]

vent post i guess i dont know i just wanted to write stuff down instead of just go ing to bed and crying over it you can just scroll past it

im fine im sane im noramal im so unbleiveably cringe ,, the only person i have irl- fuck, or even online for that matter- to show the dumbass things i write is my silly little dumbass younger brother who doesn;t understand what im trying to get at and i guess its not his fault, i seriously doubt he's spent unhealthy amounts of time making various short scenerios in his head about charcters he came up with and eventually trying to give them a story and write little things about them in google docs because where else am i supposed to put this and its just ,, he doesnt know wht im trying to do and i dont know how to explain it to him because the "history" i gess behind it is so fucking complicated by now that these characters arent even the same characters as they were when i originally created them, other than some physical attributes and their names and he just knows them as the random cringe shit i made up in middle school but so many years have passed by now that these stupid fuckers whose only purpose to serve is to make me stop remembering that i exist and ive gotten too attatched to them because who else was i supposed to get attatched to when i was going through an identity crisis at the time- and, quite frankly, still fucking am- and it was so much easier to pretend i dont exist and just project my flaws and insecurities and underlying subconcsious thoughts into these charactes that no one knows about except me and oh god im just created a long ass vent post on tumblr that no one's going to read and no one understands the story behind fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck whatever ill go ahead and post this unfinished thing because no one's going to get it either way ill probably delete it later if it doesnt get buried under reblogs

dont think too much about this i just got sad because my brother was giving me a bunch of criticism on an outline of a story i was working on- which is fair, i need to take criticism- but he only knows the characters in it as their semi-formed cringe versions so i chickened out half way and now i feel bad because i was really proud of this thing for the whopping span of like one day before i decided to show it to another human person instead of letting it rot away inside of me like i usually do and now i feel bad about my writing skills

im trying so hard to just take his words with a grain of salt because this kid does not have nearly as much experience with writing as i do, but i feel like im copying too many of my inspirations (DnD, generic fantasy story about defeating evil creature, silly tropes, etc,,) which sucks because that was just like the first two pages of the outline and theres nine fucking pages and like the second half of it was what i put the most effort into and i felt like the ideas were really origianl but i could make myself let him naturally get to that part of the outline because i was starting to feel really bad and wieerd and oh god he is looking at ideas i havent ever expressed to another human person even though i am very familaiar with because i came up with them and they havebeen in my head for at least a year or two by now and have been haunting me ever since so instead of skipping ahead to the parts that were really good in my opinion but would have made no sense without context i just told him to piss off i gues s

i dont know. i feel dumb. i feel stupid. ive put so much effort into this stuff and the concept that ive been wasting my time feels like too heavy of a weight to handle. god none of this porbobably nmakes any sense ,,,,,,,,, i guess this is why i feel miserable when the fanart and shitpost memes i post get a comically larger audience and attention than the art relating to my silly goofy ocs, because these stupid fucking characters are all thats keeping me going . call me cringe, but is it still cringe if the concept that maybe i too can be around people that love me and instead of having to like me in spite of my faults love me for them keeps me from fucking killing myself is it still cringe?

if a tree falls in a forest and no one's around, does its fall even make a sound? (shit piss fuck sorry i dont remember the original quote and all i can remember is tha t one line from that one musical i dont remember what it was)

if an autistic moron that cant even talk to a cashier without having a panic attack makes a universe full of fictional characters of his own cfreation then an alternate universe, then several alternate universes, then a spin off from that original universe and etc etc but its all just on google fucking docs and no where else except deleted excerpts from a dead wattpad account, did he ever even create anything at all?

its pointless. its all so fucking pointless. its a waste of time. why do i do this at all. its so fucking pointless. it makes no fucking sense. you cant just make a story with characters in it, then make a fucking fantasy au of that universe with the same characters but with different designs and wildly different personalities and then make a whole fucking complicated lore-filled story about the fantasy au version while the original universe's story is still left mostly unfinished like forget about a first draft of the text i havent even finished the first ddraft of the outline yet buckarooooooo

okay fuck you guys thats all i want to tell you im going to go pretend to myself to try to go to sleep and then cry now

[demonfaggotfurry]

vent post

idk what im doing or if im even gonna post it once im done am just writing to shut my head up a bit

i feel overwhelmed by my thoughts i wish i could quieten them or like have fewer of them at a time theres a constant buzz of everything inside my skull as if someone poked a wasp nest and put it in a sealed container

my usual coping mechanisms like listening to music dont really work rn and idk what else i should or could try kinda tryng to at least get something out so i dont fuck myself up instead

kinda feel like giving up on myself is becoming valid which is fucking insane to me bc just two days ago i was proud of myself for the progress im making even tho i dont have a therapist rn

like i dont want to give up i want it to get better or well anything except worse at this point yet here i sit and i feel like every progress ive made is a yanky tower i constructed thats now crashing down on me

im trying hard to build a routine for myself thatll help experience my days better and actually do more than rotting in bed all day but today i feel like im undoing all that bc it feels as if it doesnt matter

but it does matter... it matters to me... i want it to matter... if it doesnt then im fighting with myself for nothing

it could be so easy to give in but i dont want that im fine with being weak at moments but why do these moments feel so big in comparison to the days where i was strong where i could do shit

i feel homesick not to a place but the feeling i used to have in my childhood when it felt like the world was gonna turn out fine for me if maybe not for everyone it would for me...

when coming home from school meant to be greeted by at least five dogs and my parents or at least my dad and my biggest problem in life really was that i didnt have high enough participation in class but still easily could get good enough grades to not have to look into it...

losing my mom at 8 was hard but honestly due to the bond i had with my dad and the way we could literally talk about everything helped me deal with that almost effortlessly like yeah its not ideal still but it was possible to live with it

my dads been dead since 2022 now and i cant really deal with that bc i used to rely on him so much and now my most important pillar is gone and none of the people in my life can really help me with dealing with that i mean theyre trying really fucking hard and i appreciate each and everyone of them so much but they cant help me the way he wouldve

worst part about that is that rn this is really the first time im admitting to myself that his death is really this big of a struggle for me i thought i was dealing with it just fine having talked in therapy about it and shit

i kept teling people that it weirdly didnt hit me that hard but honestly i think i was just telling them that so i dint actually have to feel the pain if i just kept pretending i was fine id be fine right

well its getting increasingly obvious to me rn that i was fucking wrong...

welp theres that im gonna fucking stop now might revisit this but i need to sleep before idek what

[everything-is-out-to-get-me]

i just ripped out the heart of a god

yeah so what i thought would be some casual playing during 2 school days actually turned into fighting for my life in chimney canopy climbing the wall of a superstructure narrowly escaping the rain from plummeting to my death meeting 2 different echoes meeting five pebbles at one of his lowest and stealing the refraction core so chimney canopy was. short but it was so chaotic with all the lizards and vultures and not to mention the RAIN THAT PREVENTED ME FROM CLIMBING UP MULTIPLE TIMES LIKE

i also did reach That One Room In Chimney Canopy but

the first time i made it into the shelter i was so ready for the wall BUT WHILE I WAS EATING I PLUMMETTED TO MY DEATH AND DIED i was like okay!!! i just need to survive another cycle and the n AND THEN I DIED AGAIN. AND AGAIN AND LOST ALL MY KARMA. AND SINCE IT WAS A SHELTER FALIURE I HAD TO FIND ANOTHER SHELTER TO GET MY KARMA BACK TIEAUHTESAIJF i made it eventually this was a nice place

also ended up saying hello to my first echo here!!! same one as the one i got in spearmasters campaign

then i went to the wall preparing for it to be covered in rot and shit but turns out pebbles is doing fine!!!!!! Outside

it was even a pretty blue when i got up there i also JUST BARELY made it here cause the rain was coming and like, yeah the wall doesnt let you get killed by rain but it still shakes you off the poles and i almost got blocked from getting to five pebbles but rivulet is just cool like that and i managed to get up there

the transition from the rain to above the rain was rlly cool to experience too..... i love thay... honestly the superstructures while its raining is such a fun experience (when youre not on a starve cycle and being chased by 5 orange lizards)

also hello to this guy

got the shelter near pebbles and saw some funny blueberries oh no!!! hes not doing well!!! i wonder hwhy

had a fun talk with pebbles, buddy is a bit hundreds of years late for an apology (idk how long the timeline is lol)

the ambience though is so nice.... i just took a moment to sit down in pebbles lap and listen to his sad ass pearl song.... theres just so many moments in the game where you just want to pause and enjoy the environment

its rare to actually have moments like these though since usually the rain is what keeps you going, so being able to finally just chill (especially in rivs campaign im gonnaocry) is so nice so hfiedoshafpgdisapgfhdlshgfkdsjfl;kdjsfk;dj;k pebbles you are so awesome i want to slam you against a wall and boil you alive AND THEN THE MOMENT IS IMMEDIATELY RUINED BY ME DYING LIKE 5 TIMES BECAUSE THE ROT IS SO FUCKING CLOSE TO THE GATE AND I HAD TO LISTEN TO PEBBLES YAP EVERYTIME I DIE D

i did figure out that you can just chuck a spear at him and he'll shut the fuck up so thats nice thank you pebbles

something about passing through pebbles dying husk while halcyon memories plays in the background is so sad though. like oh myg od i love the environmnent the oh myHUBILERGLIGUHSDOILGFHLJDSHLGRD

heres pebbles somehow detecting me eating his neurons even though im like several rooms away from him(i proceeded to eat like 30 more while i was here)

yeah so hes not doing very well here is he

i actually didnt have that much trouble avoiding the daddy long legs cause they were usually attached to a wall or i was too fast for them to catch me (except for a few times) but the rot on the walls actually were so dookie why did th honestly this section was easier than i thought??? i thought i wouldve lost all my karma from this but i was doing pretty well and had a decent amount of karma

anyways FInally getting to the refraction core was like the coolest shit ever

LIKE IM SO GLAD IM KEEPING SOME PARTS FOR ME UNSPOILERED i didnt know the refraction cell would be cool like thay i am very worried how im gonna have to carry around this giant beachball all the way to moon but ill thug it out probably said goodbye to pebbles as he slowly dies very sad im in pain nobody here is happy(except gourmand and whatever the fuck riv is on)

rlly love wet mouse wet mouse... AND THATS THAT yea thats everything i did. like why cant i have runs or sessions like this when im home i swear my skills go up by like 100 whenever im at school

[infin-8-morphosis]

Monthly not-dead progress post here we go

Still working on my model. Theres too many little bits to say what I have and havent done (sooo much redoing) but umm in brief,

Oh this isnt brief whoops lets put a cut, tldr model good still wip, new map with Peirce Quinuncial projection, more website work, lots and lots of little half done things as usual

Functional eyes and eyelids, actual mesh is more or less 100% done, and partially unwrapped, but havent skinned it properly.

Partially rigged, but rigging will neeeveeer be finished. Thankfully my twisted setup with multiple rigs and multiple rigs inside those rigs actually seems to work...?

A brief rundown is:

The rig is made of 3 sets of identical bones: the scaler, poser, and deformer. The poser handles, most posing, shocking, and is more or less the 'crown' rig. The scaler doesnt move but scales, and said scale is copied to the poser. The deformer is the only set that deforms the mesh, it copies the location of the poser. So, Scaler scales the poser, poser moves the deformer. You should never need to view anything except the poser BUT and its a cool but, since the deformer is isolated from the poser, it also acts as a sort of pseudo FK rig, allowing fine adjustment of the posers IK positions. VERY handy!

There are other rigs, like an eye rig for just the eyes, a character-specific rig for the face (just not possible to use the same rig even with my scaling trick, and i dont want to have to worry about breaking the most important part of the mesh) and soon i will begin the harrowing task of a hair rig... for each hair. Fear and suffering ahead, but also funny hairdos.

Thankfully my trick to use geo nodes to fuse the meshes together seamlessly seems to work, but it seems to mess with uv's so still a roadblock. I nedd to really knuckle down on understanding geo nodes, and also get more fmailiar with uvs in the technical sense...

Also making an effort to completely ditch shape keys (FUCK shape keys) by using lattices instead. This is... unfortunately janky. But, useable. I dont care if it isnt perfect anyway, I just hate shape keys. The main trouble is how dogshit lattices are... They work so odd. And very destructively, so if I screw up a pose, tough shit...

Yet to step into the scary world of 'so will we actually model our characters with this' since at any point I can break things and will need to redo things... but also the sooner i start the sooner I catch things that dont work or need fixing...

Non-model wise I'm making pretty good progress on the map. As you probably dont know I have yet fucking again started from near scratch, but this time with the sexy as hell Peirce-Quincuncial map projection (go look it up its very good). This means a less warped map and also more sensible views of the poles, which were always a bit hacky on an equirectangular map since my planets 'poles' are on the equator. ie imagine a globe rotated 90° so the bottom and top are at the sides. Im feeling much better with how it fits together (even 'simulated' the plate tectonics a little to get them more accurate. Surpisingly my eyeballing it was about 80% correct!) but yet again the main headache is the actual height. Very, very hard to keep heights consistent and proportional.

Today I worked on my website! I had not checked on it in quite some time. Refamiliarised myself with its inner workings (loooove css. Very fun. Oddly fun battling wordpress to change things from its defaults that are often quite odd. For example, drop shadows only go to the bottom right. You cant alter it in the editor. Why??? So i just... edited the default shadow's css. Easy peasy. The hardest part was tracking down where exactly wordpress defined shadows. However there is some good to this since i dont need to add a class to things to give them my own shadow~) and have got it looking very smooth. Almost everything from my original website has been re-added, code wise. All that remains is the actual articles, and well, lots and lots more tweaking and new things. Still no mobile menu, that'll be a doozy... ah, also reimplemented tooltips properly. Verrry nice. Just not sure how the plugin manages colours... i will crack it open and study it...

Hmmm what else. I guess ive begun to organise my notes on everything, but i have attmepted this many times and it is a total mess... hoping this one sticks since i moved to using obsidian instead of google docs, so maybe i wont fuss over organisation and style as much and actually work on things.

Story wise eeerrrr. I mean. The problem i had is now, reversed, in that i used to have an end and no way of starting the plot, and now ive come up with a great hook that no longer works with the old ending... hrmm...