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feedfrommysoul-blog · 8 years ago

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She was an Angel.

She was an angel.

I was sure. The way the falling sunlight lifted her silhouette, illuminating her beauty. She was beautiful, in that moment I could see her soul, more attractive than any kind of physical beauty i’d previously seen. It was curios that today she would too be taking the bus downtown, was she here for me?

It was paralyzing, the way she glided amongst the human form, her daringly short dark hair contrasted her emerald eyes that her coral dress set on fire. She fit, yet stood so far apart, I was not alone in being mystified by her, but I knew most wouldn’t look twice, as the pursuit of the unachievable had long been forgotten in this generation, certainly for those on this 6 a.m. 50 bus to South Station. She found the only empty seat across from me and opened an antique looking battered book.

I could not look away, she had taken hold of my soul, and thus my entire mind; nothing else was deserving of attention. It was blissful, basking in the presence of such a serene creature; she was like a hug. For the first time that I could remember I felt nothing negative; no fear, no uncertainty, no anxiety, no hopelessness, in this moment I was no longer broken.

I could tell she was an angel for I had felt it in my heart. My heart had begun to flutter in a desperate attempt to fly and touch her. I did not move, for my heart could never carry my body, but I felt lighter, I felt my heart trying to escape as it pushed against my chest cavity forcing me to fix my posture. I caught her glance as she looked up from her book, she noticed me staring and smiled. It was real, I was right, for only someone with a noble soul would not be offended by misunderstood glares. She was like me, but entirely different.

She had not fallen.

I wondered if she too knew, if she saw my shattered wings as they begged her soul to come heal them. My curiosity begged to know If her heart too had fluttered, if my presence had given rise to any emotion as hers had filled this moment with enlightenment for me. I frowned, for I remembered that I was the yin to her yang, that I was the chaos that her tranquility was meant to evaporate. Had I ruined her day, taken all she had to offer? I needed to know If I somehow brought darkness to her just as she had just brought light to me.

She put her book in her bag and locked her jade eyes into mine, I felt her push; the bag. I looked at her backpack and saw the nametag, then I understood. She gathered herself as she stood, she smiled a grin that would be enough to drive any sane man astray; a smile that proved I had done no harm to her divinity.

“I love how you’ve done you hair today, braids suit you well.”

Her voice was sweet with a rasp that melted my spiraling thoughts. I was glad she left just as soon as she had spoken for forming words for her would have destroyed me.

It was a message and it was clear; she had noticed me, no, it was more than that. She had been watching me, they had been watching me. She knew my soul needed to be lifted and now had invited me to aspire to attain her perfection. She told me without words, that I too could be whole again. They were watching, and they had noticed that today my brunette mop of hair was neatly tucked into an impressive fishtail braid. They knew i was trying to put myself back together, and they were extending an offering to invite my efforts further.

The doors closed and she was gone, lost in the sea of humankind, invisible to the mundane but unforgettable to the spiritual.

The thoughts flood back, my mind had only rarely gone so clear, these days my thoughts engulfed me as they dug deep into pits of despair within. Today, however, she had left me with an astonishing notion, a feeling that couldn’t quite be an emotional feeling but a commandment, a small message of achieving peace that clung in my soul and had now been embedded within my very being.

I closed my eyes and I recanted our encounter. What had I felt?

I felt warm, trapped in an embrace of some sort. Astonishingly I felt safe yet guarded.

“Uh, I need to talk to you, Ma…” I spoke in a careful tone trying not to reveal the nature of the request, as I was fingering my ringlets; my nervous tick.

“Now?” She asked, turning to search my face for an immediate understanding.

“Uhm, no in a bit, “ I choked out, I knew she was onto me. This was the game.

“I want to know now.” She turned the T.V. off to prove I had her full attention.

“I failed a class.” I looked to the floor avoiding any eye contact, the sensitivity was overwhelming even back then and matters of importance, such as my education, to my father were the worst. It took days upon days of crying to wash the burn of his disappointment.

“What class, what happened?” She spoke calmly even with her accent, this was the tone when she knew I had done something bad and would give me the opportunity to explain.

“French, I didn’t like my teacher, I couldn’t understand him. It was a hard class, but im willing to do it in the summer to make it up, pleeaasee don’t tell dad.” I wiped a flood of tears from my face as I finally looked at her.

“Don’t worry, ill talk to your father. But now your responsible for finishing summer school and passing this course so your done high school on time. You promise to do that ?” She spoke softly, holding my hand. I felt her love, her support, her trust. That whole day I thought I was going to die, to fall into an eternal despair but all of that melted with the tenderness of her voice. She was that reminder that nothing ends existence, that tomorrow the sun rises once more, and the people awake to a new dawn, a new start. I loved her to no end.

The memory washed me, and left me with the sensation that the angel had, a warm secure embrace. This was no coincidence, they had been trained to provide messages in a way that made it seem as though the universe had guided you to them. Her words had meant that she had wanted me to understand that she was one of them, she spoke as though she knew me. I understood why she had stumbled into the path I chose today. My initial instinct was right, she had told me that it was okay to begin the journey to be whole again. The gift she had given me was one my mother had handed me so many times before, a commandment to believe in myself, to believe in my tomorrow. Something I had not been able to do lately, not since he had left. Since I had found myself truly alone.

The ones like her were special, they had higher conscience connections, they were spiritually bound to a community of others like themselves who worked together to keep the battle of light and darkness in neutral balance. They were warriors, each with gifts from the universe, packages of knowledge meant to keep society in balance, they fought for the good of humanity. The darkness had been growing, it could be seen everywhere. The Militaristic control, the joke of this political state, the proxy wars, the rate of animal depopulation, fresh water depletion, the raging rebels, massive natural disasters and the unperceivable level of stress the human population was being crushed by, too many people were dying with their soul’s unreleased. They were dying out of their ordained destiny and that only meant they were being recruited outside of the universe’s will, into the growing darkness. Something big was coming and they needed me. I hoped. For if there was a possibility of that they would reinstate my position on their front lines.

Their names reflected the gifts that they bestowed upon their marks. Their names were their crowns that announced what they dispersed. They walked the world and handed humankind the direction that the universe had determined for everything had a reason. Although they almost never offered anything to one who had gone astray, it was punishment for breaking the rules. Like I did. I had been stripped of my gift and my name. Afraid of losing the one I loved the most, we ran away. I knew id loose him, but we left anyway, outrunning our responsibilities, outrunning our fears, our lives but we could never outrun our destiny. The darkness had come to him, just days before the cancer would consume him. Had I told him who I really was, perhaps he wouldn’t have taken the deal. He would be dead, but atleast the darkness would have had no hold on me. Perhaps the legion would not have kicked me out of the only family I had left without him.

Now, as I walked the trivial line between darkness and light as most spiritually lifted did. Only now I was not fighting, I could not fight. All I could do was feel my soul slowly crushing by the growing knowledge that our side was weakening, I was nothing but a stray leaf drifting in wind. I felt the cries of sorrow and hope from all the souls who could not find peace. Waiting tell me their stories when I closed my eyes at night. It was agonizing living with all the knowledge, but no connection. It was heartbreaking to see all the broken people for I felt their pain, it was soul-draining to live among the mass population that had absolutely no idea that there was more to the world, their entirety lost too far within the capitalistic machine. It was even more devastating to be left in a room with a spiritual, someone who believed and whose soul was strong enough to see past the materialistic routine of daily life. They were not blind to the destruction of humanity, they too felt the lost souls. They weren’t as informed, but they had trust in the universes directions, and that’s what humanity needed to keep the balance. The people needed to stop falling to the darker pulls of greed, temptation, lust and vengeance and instead listen to the universes answers and follow the paths it provided.

However, today i was being extended an offering by this angel I had just met. On her small backpack was a shiny red sticker with the words Hello My Name is, and printed, much too perfectly in silver sharpie was Fidem

Her name was Faith.

-R.S.

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