#we all deserve love not harm
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neverendingford · 8 months ago
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hinamie · 4 months ago
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newest issue of first years fashion just dropped
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#fushiguro megumi#itafushikugi#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#this quickly got away from me#taking hina from 3 days ago who thought 'yeah ill do 3 outfits for each of them what's the harm' and strangling her w my bare hands#original concept fr this was drawing the kids each matching a different outfit w gojo#but i got frustrated by th heights and placement so i said no tall people allowed and scrapped gojo from plans <3#tbh it wouldnt have been /that/ much better in terms of workload but the 3 drawings it would have saved me isnt nothing#but im just complaining fr nothing atp lmao i love all of these sm i love playing dress up with my tuoys (the jjk first years)#love treating them like mannequins i love coming up w outfits layer those kids UP#nobara especially i have so much fun brainstorming she looks good in everything To Me#i dressed megumi more smart casual than normal bc he's got gojo's credit card info and if i want him in balenciagas gdi he's gna get them#also listen i love megumi we know this but fr the sake of not dressing him in solid colour slacks and sweaters 3 different ways#i gave him the workout fit. it cant b yuuji all the time ok i think we deserve megumi in a compression shirt as a treat#speaking of yuuji good god where do i start#he's definitely stylish but in a 'got dressed in the dark/threw on the first articles of clothing i saw' way and i adore him so much for it#wears things tht make him happy w no regard for how they may or may not look tgt bless his heart#also i drew th skateboard fr posing purposes entirely forgetting my prior hc that yuuji cant skate so i roughed him up fr consistency#th boy just ate concrete but is ready to get back up and try again what a champ#anyway bless this line and shading style i lov u less detailed render i love u sharp swoopy fabric lines#saved me sm time fr#also this is my application fr the mappa jjk marketing team they should hire me and let me dress the chars id be so good i promise#ill even take out the vocaloid and pop culture references i wont infringe on any ip i sweaaarr
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just-sp-in-inginthevoid · 11 months ago
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As much as the 'haha Takemichi went to save his husband after saving his wife, bisexual much?' joke is funny, people who seriously thinks Tokyo Revengers should've stopped when Hinata was finally safe and sound missed an important component to the plot.
Yes, it all started with Hinata - but since when was it all about Hinata?
Takemichi, kind-hearted Takemichi, should've just stopped everything after saving her? He got into Toman for this reason, yes, to get closer to Mikey and stop him - and Kisaki - from killing her, but he also sincerely got closer to Mikey. And everyone else. And he's supposed to simply leave them be when 'mission: save Hinata' is complete? As if the number of people he wanted to save didn't get longer with each timeline? Those are his friends why would he throw them all away.
To protect Hinata he decided to stick close to Mikey since he failed to prevent Mikey and Kisaki meeting each other - and he got attached to Mikey during that, as well as all of Toman. Each steps to save Hinata was also a step to save Mikey from corruption and self-destruction. It was all linked from the start.
There was a shift after Bonten, okay, whatever, the only thing that truly changed was Hinata's importance in it. New enemy? That happens in each arc (right, sure, there wasn't Kisaki anymore). Mikey being more and more violent? Again, each arc featured a moment of Mikey showing signs of being mentally unwell - and now it was aggravated because it was two years earlier than what Takemichi got used to go back to. Etc, etc. Toman may be disbanded, but its (at least main) members still meet and interact and they all kept in touch - Mikey aside. That just a change of mood, a mix of the present/future timelines with a more serious setting and of the past timelines with how young they are, despite not being as young as before. And future timelines have never been a problem - there's a lot of love for Manila and Bonten. If Wakui had had time and energy, Kanto Manji, all 70 and so last chapters of TR could've worked with its fanbase. For some reasons it didn't, and I don't get why by myself
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lostinhistory · 5 months ago
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The rhetoric out of the White House is becoming increasingly strident, and I am starting to freak out a bit.
In public, the relationship between Donald Trump and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is awful. In private, by some accounts, it’s worse. The New York Times reported last week, for example, on recent interactions between the two leaders, including a phone meeting in which the American president “laid out a long list of grievances,” even adding that he “did not believe that the treaty that demarcates the border between the two countries was valid.” That was soon followed by another conversation in which, according to an NBC News report, the Republican’s tone turned “abusive.” This does not mean, however, that conditions can’t get worse. On ABC News’ “This Week,” guest host Jonathan Karl spoke to Kevin Hassett, the director of the White House National Economic Council, about the administration’s tariffs plans. After Hassett raised concerns about fentanyl reaching American soil through the northern border, Karl reminded his guest, “I don’t think that’s happening. I mean, 1% of fentanyl is being smuggled across the border, 1%. I mean, Canada is not a major source at all of fentanyl in the United States, are they?” Hassett replied: Well, yes they are a major source. And I can tell you that in the Situation Room, I’ve seen photographs of fentanyl labs in Canada that the law enforcement folks were leaving alone. Canada’s got a big drug problem.
So that was on March 9. A day later, lich king Peter Navarro was on tv squawking that Canadians need to "stop killing Americans".
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And maybe it's because I remember 2003 but this whole thing with fentanyl labs (that do not exist and were not an issue four weeks ago) is starting to sound a lot like the WMD's that weren't, and that plus Trump constantly talking about how the border isn't real is really suggesting that something pretty goddamn ugly is coming our way, and I would really, really like it if a reporter or a member of the US government could bestir themselves to stand up and say, "hey, you seem to be talking about invading Canada, and that's fucking insane".
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asgardian--angels · 5 months ago
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things I wish I could relive for the first time again:
that magical window where you finish a new piece of media, having watched/read it all by yourself with no fandom contact whatsoever, and you are just so happy about it, and full of interesting theories and takeaways, and just in love with it as a gorgeous piece of art.
because I swear to god as soon as you join the fandom for anything, you're bombarded with how you're supposed to view characters and their arcs, how you're supposed to morally and ethically judge the plot and the ways it apparently failed to present the right message, and if you don't you'll either be shunned for not sharing the popular headcanons or you'll be harassed for not criticizing the source material enough.
like how is it that the fans of a piece of media are also the ones being the most negative about it? If I like a show or a movie or a book, well, I liked it. That's kind of the point. I'm actually not here to tear it apart and talk about how it didn't live up to standards other people had! I enjoyed it for what it was, and forcing myself to find negative things to say about it doesn't actually bring me more enjoyment of it or reap any benefit to me. Fandom's a double-edged sword; you want to join a community to share your love for a piece of art, and the price you pay for a modicum of joy is a mountain of negativity. that's one main reason that I never engage with fandom until I'm completely done with a show, because if I was plugged into all of that commentary and discourse during the process, I'd be completely colored by how I'm expected to interpret everything this piece of art is presenting to me without being able to even form my own opinions.
#this is currently about arcane but it's also every fandom i've been in since the dawn of time#there is so much political discourse about how the show handled the piltover zaun conflict and class struggle and i just#like i don't even know what to say besides. art doesn't have to provide the correct answer you know#it's not asking you to accept their explanation as the right one. it's just presenting a story. a scenario. a nuanced one at that#which of course the internet is the enemy of nuance as we know#especially in arcane i thought it was fairly clear that the end wasn't the bright shining future anyone hoped it'd be.#was anyone right in their actions? did anything turn out the way they wanted? or was it just as messy and gray as real life#we're living in such a myopic time for art where it's believed every story must take the correct stance or be invalid or even harmful#instead of just offering a perspective. a lived experience. a hypothetical. a story.#and when it gets to be headache inducing all I can do is take myself back to how I felt when I watched the show for the first time#and I came away from the whole thing being incredibly moved and captivated by the entire story and its nuance.#i had no qualms and no criticisms and i was very impressed with the depth of storytelling surrounding the political parts of the plot#as well as the character arcs. i guess people like to dunk on viktor's s2 arc nowadays and i just. shrug. i was blown away by it#for me at least i have nothing but pure love and admiration for art after i've viewed it. it's only after interacting with fandom#that the criticisms seep in and now i can't unsee it and even if i don't agree with it it still muddies my ability to enjoy the art#fandom is a curse in that sense. like i seek out art that i enjoy. i have no desire to make myself dislike that art. whats the point#why are the biggest haters of a piece of media the 'fans' of it idk.#me finishing a show: wow i love all the characters and the plot and the cinematography! I want to talk to others about how cool it is!#meanwhile the fandom hating characters to the point of death threats to their creators#after 13 years in fandom i can say this - if you don't need to join the fandom for smth then don't lmao.#you'll be able to retain your genuine enjoyment of the thing.#that whole 'if you didnt like what i made then make your own' philosophy people use on fanfic/fanart should be applied more#to actual published art too. you should be able to meet art where it's at and if you don't like what it's saying or how it looks then#just move on and find something else. another branch of the 'the greatest enemy of the left is the left' tree imo#a show has a lot of queer rep? bash it to the point of making the creators go into hiding for not doing it how you think it should be#no artist will ever be able to satisfy everyone's demands. they just want to put their experiences and ideas into the world#creators that try to do good get more vitriol than those who never try. they're scrutinized harder and judged more harshly#it's just. one of those 'real fucking tired of fandom' nights. the best cure is just going back and rewatching the source material#all on your own and falling back in love with it. just you and your genuine connection with the art.#anyway what happened to steven universe was unforgiveable and it really ruined fandom for me. like. yall don't deserve nice things
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octoberbirdsreading · 4 months ago
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well here comes tags to organise webweaves and they’re all really angsty cause I like acting like an edgy bitch
to haunt and be haunted - both the ghost and the house
i tried to be good - feeling unworthy
home is the first grave - never made it out of that house
the poison drips through - am I just like my parents
god loves you but not enough to save you - religious guilt
something is rotten inside me - the rot and the shame that comes with
always an angel never a god - never enough for anyone
to live for the hope of it all - wanting to live
all a ghost can do is haunt - ghosts of memories
we used to be friends - stranger I know everything about
this was always going to happen - doomed
everything i want so say I swallow - fear of judgment
I suffer in my loving and you know it - when loving hurts
someone has to leave first - abandonment issues
the earth was made for lovers - nature and life
i was born knowing you - soulmates of all kinds
we accept the love we think we deserve - worthy of love
here is my hand that will not harm you - learning to trust
can I dream for a few months more - chronic daydreamer
memories feel like weapons - old wounds ache
they see right through me - fear of being seen
i never grew up it’s getting so old - nostalgia and melancholia
what will it take for me to be cared for too - longing for love
when will I stop belonging to this hungry thing inside me - hunger
i don’t know why I can’t make people love me - not fitting in
to think that we could stay the same - bittersweet separations
you dangle on the leash of your own longing - you’re not the one holding the leash
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spotaus · 11 months ago
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Thinking about my ec-4o babies again and I like. I feel like I need to flesh out Reaper some more... like, I'm going one character at a time, but many of them already have basic motivation or plot beats they overcome. Reaper has that... but not enough
Okay, so I got thinking about Dust (technically a Main Character alongside Blue) and then Geno (a side character with a LOT of plot relevance). And I subscribe to DustedAfterDeath for this au, so next my mind went to Reaper. But like. Reaper never naturally got much extra depth from my working on the story...
Reaper's jist is that he was raised in a long, long line of folks who lived alternatively from the rest of society. He was raised to believe that society without tech would be better. That everything from convenient vending machines to life-saving medical technology, everyone would be better off without it. That Technology was choking out the natural and magical worlds it relied on.
And... the mindset wasn't entirely wrong.
Only, they weaponized that into an irrational fear they set upon their communities, and isolated them from the outside world. They doomsday prepped, for decades, abd when the war finally came, they were too well prepared. They largely survived.
Reaper, a fit man who could leave and not be swayed by others, ventured out onto the wasteland. He was armed with rudimentary tech which allowed him to over-load and disable any tech he came in contact with. He was cleaning up any loose ends. Killing bots, and anyone who dared to have modified their own body with Tech in any way.
So, off he went. He worked mercenary jobs for free, killing bots and semis that bothered organic civilizations. He gained a reputation. "Death". He stumbled upon Geno, and unable to kill him, it starts a whole journey of renouncing his beliefs and turning over a new leaf.
Quick Note: Geno's soul absorbed a lot of electrical energy, so while the war ended, he was one of the few power sources left in the world. Reaper couldn't disable the tech *or* kill Geno because of this overwhelming magic that would drag him back together DT style.
I never thought beyond that. The biggest factor here, his renouncing his old life, has very little prompting in the og tale. I'm going to try abd fix that here thru brainstorming lmao.
So, Reaper, as he lives, has a *very* strict moral system, as well as a loyalty system. As he sees it, there are personal grudges, and there are betrayals of his faith. The latter is what gets people killed. He also has a strict rule with trust. Certain people he registers in his mind as 'ally' and when they make that list, the only way they'll be harmed by him is if they go against his core beliefs.
Geno, aside from being unkillable, manages to *redeem* himself in Reaper's eyes. When he frustratedly explains that he was the one who ended the war and temporarily destroyed all the tech. This information is vital to Reaper. He thinks he can get a secret from Geno, a way to make his life's goal cone true. And so he allows Geno to live. In fact, Geno swears to him that when he finishes this last task of his, he'll tell Reaper what he did to make the EMP.
Of course, this is a beneficial meeting of two with completely opposing beliefs. Geno loves ectos, at least he loves some of them, and programming/tech have been his whole life. He lets Reaper join him willingly, because Reaper is obnoxiously good at being a bodyguard and warding off threats which Geno physically can't (chronic pain). Also, the secret he'll tell Reaper won't endanger anyone, because the only way Geno made an EMP that big was because he sabotaged the main power source. Now a lot of electricity was magic-infused and didn't abide by the same rules at back then. It'd be too late for Reaper to do anything.
Meanwhile, Reaper, of course, thinks he's getting a free way to destroy all tech if he follows this half-dead science guy. And, ontop of that, Geno is a useful beacon to discover wandering bots and semis. So of course he follows him. He's civil at Blue's when they finally arrive, because he's biding his time to simply slaughter them all later.
But. Geno and Reaper don't get along. The prejudice they hold for eachother gets in the way of most meaningful conversation, and they end up bickering. Geno once told Reaper he was no better than the bots after he slaughtered a group of Semis, abd after that neither of them could get a glance at the other without a hostile 'what?' Or a slur or jab. By the time they arrive at Blue's, Geno is so sick and tired of Reaper, and Reaper really, really wishes he knew how to kill him.
Then there's Dust. Dust was on Reaper's 'ally' list. Reaper taught him how to properly fight, and how to use manual guns, years ago during the war. Seeing Dust again was a treat. Seeing him harboring ectos and semis and a Techie was less than charming. Dust himself didn't break any of his morals, though, so they remained on shockingly good terms. Reaper was their ticket inside, and he was *only* amicable to Dust, and occasionally Horror when he came by. He often joked about short-circuitinh the bots or would fry one of Blue's or Geno's work stations. It happened so often that Dust had to chew him out for it.
And honestly, he wasn't giving up. Geno nor Dust could change his mind, and even the revelry around the base did nothing to persuade him to loosen up.
Until he met Saejun.
Saejun was an ecto made for farming and tending to plants, years ago before the war. He was never upgraded or installed with the virus, and Rust had found him out half-buried along a dirt road. When he was fixed up, Saejun insisted he could bring some life back to the desert waste they were stuck in.
He did just that. He tended to plants across the property, encouraged magical abd non-magical creatures to habitate the place (mostly bugs + small nature spirits) and he would grow green life again. Hydroponics lined the sides of the warehouse, and during Reaper's stay they just kept growing. It was once when he'd been out looking for Dust that he noticed Saejun tending to the garden and playing with little nature spirits. He'd approached, doubtful, but upon inspection found that the magic in the area really was thriving. So close to walls of machinery, amd running along the body of tech itself.
It was his first proof in his whole life that the two things *could* and *did* co-exist. That it was Tech which was now bringing it back. He wasn't even programmed for anything beyond basic crops, Saejun just had a passion for plants.
*that* is Reaper's turning point. Where he finally starts looking at everyone differently. Asking Blue about why he builds and repairs bots. Why the bots stuck around, their purpose, what they do now. And, eventually, he asks Geno to explain coding to him. Just a bit. <- This last bit is met with hostility from Geno, which perpetuates this social barrier between them. Meanwhile Reaper really did want to reconcile.
It takes Dust, seeing this change and noticing the effort, for him to force the two of them to sit down and talk things out.
And after that, Reaper understands a lot more about hinself, and the world, abd everything he's done. He doesn't really regret it, but he doesn't let himself forget to change his ways.
Also it's still that Reaper talking things out with Geno makes them both really vulnerable by the end. This weakness displayed breaks them past eachother's shells and manages to get them to hang out more often, talk about eachothers interests, be normal guys.
And then Geno and Reaper fall in love (Not a quick turn-around, I prommy), and after time amd discussion, Dust is pulled in (because he and Reaper have history and mutual Crushing, and Geno and Dust have an obnoxious amount in common). The three of them all get along.
But, yeah, finally fleshed out Reaper some more. His past was so isolating that all he needed was the little push to see that not everything was bad and horrible and evil <3
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arolesbianism · 10 months ago
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Doodle I did of my girl Juliet earlier
#keese draws#lobotomy corporation#oc art#not super happy with this but I do enjoy looking at her so I can lower my standards for her#at least I feel like I have a better idea of her general shapes now#I spent hours and hours today on the lob corp grind and I think Im Finally ready to actually move forward with they story#Ive also been thinking abt my nuggets during their lor eras and thats been fun#in particular its been fun to think abt my ogs because half of them are experiencing their crash from finally being free from lob corp hell#and the other half are like frolicking in fields and making friendship bracelets and have made peace with their past and upcoming futures#and that half is the half that are all just godawful people who do not deserve that peace and happiness while the people they actively#traumatized are just left to deal with it#this is mostly abt juliet and loki they both suck I love them sm <3#juliet is the one thats caused more active harm tho since shes that type of boss that will obsess over those she thinks have ~potential~#and once youve caught her attention you are guaranteed to have a horrible time as she will get what she wants out of you no matter what#she doesn't even work on abnormalities anymore just just breaths down ppls necks and fights when need be#loki is very similar in that regard he puts a lot of pressure on his team to provide the results he wants#hes less likely to like. directly psychologically torture those who are under him. but he still isnt a good boss.#hes also more openly rude and disrespectful towards those around him because while neither respect anyone but eachother#loki much more frequently openly states that fact to ppls faces because he feels like everyone around him is wasting his time#now loki actually does legitimately like a few other ppl he works with which is smth that cant rly be said for juliet#but hes also the one whos always on team 'lets murder the newbies for science' so y'know#ding is like his least favorite person here and its like 30% because he specifically accepted her into the info department because he#planned on getting her killed to finish off some research on a tool abno that was being worked on#but she survived the process so now she just like actually works here and he despises her despite the fact that shes rly good at her job#juliet doesn't usually send ger guys to die on purpose but if they do die she doesn't care#she simply feels that if they die early they were weak links anyways#she will still be 'nice' to newbies and to all of her coworkers for that matter but she still has quite the bad reputation regardless#some newbies do fall for her polite act but anyone whos been here for more than like a few days knows that she doesn't give a shit abt them#theyre both doing fine in lor theyre just like we may have lost everything but at least we have eachother :) (mason wants to strangle them)
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dauntlessdiva · 1 year ago
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YOURE SO KIND, thank you for being kind to me <3
Any time love. Life is hard sometimes, and we all deserve a little kindness. I'm glad I could do that for you
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heyitslapis · 2 years ago
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I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
I don't have time for people who don't have time for me
#yes yes i know adult life leaves little room for spending time with people who you care about & even if we have time we're burnt out#but my whole adult life has been white-knuckled clinging to relationships or people that barely if ever send that energy back#as soon as theyre onto the next person that will entertain them. as soon as theyve found something to fill the time that i usually take up#as soon as theyve gotten all they wanted from me emotionally. as soon as its inconvient to see me. almost as soon as theyre bored#then suddenly its me waiting for a text. waiting for a day to hang out. hearing over and over again that yet another thing is more importan#than me. and i get it. life happens. schools important. work is important. rest is important. but at the point im at in my life#im looking for people who actually make an effort not just give months and months of excuses as to why they suddenly cant hang out#im a pushover. im easy-going. im a very understanding person. i get it bc theres also very few days per week that im free to socialize#but i cant keep letting myself act subservient to everyone else in my life. i always put my friends & potential friends so high on pedestal#i treat them & their time as precious. now i refuse to let someone do anything but the same for me. my time/energy/love is just as precious#i dont deserve only a text when you need something from me or just to act as a treat to tide me over until the next transgression#and i certainly am NOT going to be the person that you can stand-up and then expect to still answer your text. not anymore.#in prioritizing my mental health lately ive realized that this pattern HAS TO STOP. i cant allow myself to continue the same harmful cycles#i deserve better. i need better. i WANT BETTER#emma vents#vent tag#healing tag
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nathaniacolver · 8 months ago
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act iii/finale update (DON'T TALK TO ME)
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DOOM IS STILL DOOM
(it's me I'M doomed 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)
essay below in my tags bc what the hell
arcane ships be like
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i love a show that teaches equality (😭😭😭)
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fandomsandfeminism · 10 months ago
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Sometimes I think about how and why some people had such a *bad* reaction to the end of Steven Universe, specifically in regards to the Diamonds living.
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Even though they no longer are causing harm to others and are able to actually undo some of their previous harm by living, some folks reacted as though this ending was somehow morally suspect. Morally bankrupt, even.
And I think it might be because so many of us were raised on a very specific kind of kids media trope:
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They all fall to their deaths.
Disney loves chucking their bad guys off cliffs. And it makes sense- in a moral framework where villains *must* be punished (regardless of whether their death will actually prevent further harm or not), but killing of any kind is morally bad for the hero, the narrative must find a way to kill the villain without the protagonists doing a murder.
It's a moral assumption that a person can *deserve* to die, that it is cosmically just for them to die, that them dying is evidence that the story itself is morally good and correct. Scar *deserves* to die, but it would be bad for Simba to kill him. So....cliff. (edit: yes, cliff then hyenas. But cliff first. Lol.)
Steven Universe, whatever else it's faults, took a step back and said "but if killing people is bad, then people dying is bad", and instead of dropping White Diamond off a cliff, asked "what would actual *restorative*, not punitive, justice look like? What would actual reparations mean here? If the goal is to heal, not just to punish, how do we handle those who have done harm?" And then did that.
Which I think is interesting, and that there was pushback against it is interesting.
It also reminds me of the folks who get very weird about Aang not killing Ozai at the end of Avatar. And like, Ozai still gets chucked in prison, so it doesn't even push back on our cultural ideas of punitive justice *that much.* and still, I've seen people get real mad that the child monk who is the last survivor of a genocide that wiped out his entire pacifist culture didn't do a murder.
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monty-glasses-roxy · 4 months ago
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chances are, mimic won't be able to harm a single wire on spike when she's got that many bodyguards protecting her.
Exactly! She's immune to Mimic purely on the basis of her being too beloved to die!
It's like plot armour but for the lil guy sidekick! She deserves it!
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cascadianights · 4 months ago
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I'm so for real if you haven't yet realized that by throwing away your vote you guaranteed further genocide abroad and here, I'm gonna need you to stop being a pathetic and useless community member, get your head out of your Jesus stained ass, and admit that you chose this situation for us and everyone more marginalized than you. You don't get to leave. You don't get to talk about escaping somewhere better. Bc you chose this. So you'd sure as hell better stay and clean up your mess
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pagesofkenna · 5 months ago
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what if i think mormonism is definitely christianity and thats why its bad
👍❓
Sure? Whatever?
I can't tell if you're legitimately looking for my approval or just trying to be witty and cutting. I struggle to believe you actually care what i think.
That post was from two days ago, i had to hunt a bot to find it. How far back are you on my blog? I tag mormon post as '#lds things' so you can block it and never have to deal with the fact that i post that kinda stuff sometimes. Blocking tags is an integrated feature on tumblr now, you dont even need xkit anymore.
#asks#idk like is this a real question that deserves a real answer?#the real answer is thats fine#like no yeah i think i know what you mean even though you included no explanation because i also interact with the world#ok#on a related topic i dont like the current governor of Utah. i think he's a bad person#but thats because i think hes a moral coward who's actively harming the people he previously pretended to want to protect#not because he just happens to identify as a republican#cause like generally i think things are bad for the things they do and not for the category labels they happen to have#does that make sense?#lds things#almost forget lmaooo the irony sorry sorry lol#religion things#not to keep etaing but is the mormon church organization bad because of the things it does? sure maybe!#and thats a much more interesting and productive conversation we could actually have!#but literally the point of that post (2 days ago) was that the argument over whether or not the label applies is flawed from the beginning#because people who care about those labels usually only do so in order to say one is good or one is bad... which IS what youre doing...#i mean i guess i could also read this as saying if we excise all the doctrine of christ out of mormonism it would be... good?#hey friend? hell yeah. im actually all for that (as long as we get to keep the 'love your neighbor' part#that parts actually pretty vital to me personally and doesn't seem like it's technically unique to christiandom)
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whirlybirbs · 11 months ago
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— CAN'T WE BE SEVENTEEN? ; shoto todoroki ; 焦凍
summary: he's loved you since he was seventeen. pairing: f!reader x pro hero!shoto ; reader was a 1-A student tags: mutual pining, heavy make-out, thinly veiled sugar daddy shoto, reader does not go pro, touya might be a dick but he's a hero now, shoto is bad at feelings wordcount: 5.6k a/n: i do not fucking know what came over me, enjoy your food my little todorokinas. yes the title is what you think it is. no i will not elaborate.
You never did go pro.
Truthfully, you thought there would be more pushback when, in your senior year, you announced your plan to pursue a degree in early childhood education with a focus on non-conforming quirk development. 
The War changed a lot. It changed you, your classmates, and the world. But, through it all one thing stuck with you:
What if someone helped Tenko Shimura?
How different would his life have been? How different would history have spun? 
You graduated at the top of your class and joined the faculty at Chiba Prefectural Preparatory School for Quirk Specialties two years ago. 
Chiba Prep was opened eight years ago in response to a societal cry for more infrastructure around what was dubbed "non-conforming quirks": a nice way to say quirks that can injure, maim, or kill. Maybe even all three on a bad day. Some parents still see their child being labeled as a non-conforming quirk user in the national database as akin to social suicide. 
You see it differently.
Your quirk allows you to manipulate emotions — anger, sadness, betrayal, love, hatred. If you can feel it, you can sink it into another's psyche deep enough to drive them to act. You can even imbue things with feelings. For example, a cup of warm milk can transform into more than just a simple comfort, now it can hold the feeling of home and safety, or even exhaustion strong enough to put even the biggest foe to rest. 
You could easily use your quirk with nefarious intent. 
You could steep hatred in someone's bone so deep it drives them to harm themselves. You could sew fury so solid into someone's mind it drives them to violence. 
Just a touch and you can control others with something so intrinsically personal it only exists within themselves: their feelings.
What makes you any different from little Asuke, a shy little girl with a quirk that allows her to see people's greatest fears, and then manifest and control them? You're convinced she can use this for good, if only with practice. In your mind, her future is bright and glimmering. Perhaps she will become a therapist, focusing on exposure therapy? Or, maybe the most prolific horror novelist in their time? 
Or, bright and sunny Tao — a transplant whose parents sought out Chiba Prep's specialized education — whose heteromorphic quirk makes his bodily fluids, namely saliva, eat through nearly anything but his own biologics. A sneeze is quickly the most dangerous thing in the world for the cheery, lizard-bodied class clown. 
He's just a boy given a quirk that needs more care. 
He isn't a villain-in-training. 
None of them are.
It's important to teach them that young — and as their teacher for Year 3 of their elementary schooling, you aim to hammer that in as much as possible. They deserve to feel normal. To feel loved and supported. They aren't scary, they're children. 
So, you take it upon yourself to insist on pushing for privileges like field trips. There aren't many public spaces that welcome the classes of Chiba Prep with open arms. Over the years, there have been plenty of incidents. But, a day trip into the city to visit Tokyo's Hall of Heroes is green-lit with bubbling excitement from both faculty, the children, and their parents. 
You usually keep your history as a graduated member of Class 1-A quiet. 
After all, you never did go pro.
And even still, Shoto Todoroki never stopped thinking about you.
He remembers that weekend everyone moved back in for their last year before graduation. He remembers you smiling at him, and helping him drag up a duffel of luggage from the common room to his dorm. You made a joke about how you're sure he got taller over the summer, and how his hair is longer now. You said you liked it. 
It was the beginning of the end, then.
His crush was a silent, smothering thing. It made it hard to think. Shoto had enough on his plate thanks to Touya's acceptance into the Villain Rehabilitation Program and his father's insistence on staving off retirement. Not to mention his parent's divorce — no matter how amicable, it was still a separation. Add on training, tests, studying, finals, and j-term classes... And a desperate, writhing, burning crush on the nicest girl in class? 
Touya's elbow digs into Shoto's side.
It drags him back to reality — to the stifled quiet of the historical Hall of Heroes. 
Suddenly, the doors to the wing squeak open, and a tour guide ushers in the elementary school class. The buzzing excitement and wonder are visible on each of their faces as the attendant — one of the HoH's lead tour guides — excitedly explains the newest, in-progress addition to the Hall:
Endeavor's wing. 
There's a whisper of awe that ripples through the children as their teacher and co-teacher follow, and as the class moves through the large, open space. They're staring up eagerly at the gilded statue in the center of the room. It's larger than life and intimidating. Years ago, Shoto might have had to fight the odd tremble in his knees at the reminder it brings: to be small in his father's shadow again. But, things are different now. 
Very different.
Touya scoffs. "I thought this wing wasn't open to the public yet."
"They're just children," Shoto hums, turning his back on the gaggle across the way to inspect the large mural winding along the back end of the installation, "I'm sure it's—"
"Oh, ho, no way!"
Shoto quirks his brow at his brother's outburst. His elbow digs into Shoto's ribs again. 
"Ain't that the pretty girl you never got the balls to ask out your senior year?" comes the rasped drawl of his older brother's voice. Touya is clearly amused, his white hair hanging in his eyes as he leans forward to squint, "She is cute, Sho'—"
"Shut up," Shoto grits, turning his head over his shoulder; he tries to bite back the flurry of nerves that ignite in his gut, "Stop talking."
It is you.
You look... good. 
Happy. 
You're crouched by a small, timid girl in the back of the crowd. Your hand is in hers, and you're pointing upwards at the large paneled screens replaying Endeavor's most historic fights. You're explaining something to her, your knees bent as you squat. You look... the same. As if in the six years since they graduated, you sat still in time. 
For a second, it's like he's seventeen again.
It's his senior year, and he's stuck at the corner of the gym's edge with a half-empty glass of punch in his hand. The lights are low, and there's slow music playing. His tie feels too tight. Bakugo keeps telling him to 'ask her to dance already', and Kirishima is considering bashing his head through the wall. Even Midorya is trying to persuade Shoto. 
"It's prom, man! C'mon, this could be your last chance—"
Touya is about to be a real pain in the ass — his favorite pastime — and make some comment about your ass, but when he turns to lob the one-liner at his baby brother, Shoto's gone.
Shoto is on the move.
The crescendo of gasps draws your attention first.
Then, the cry of "WOAH, IT'S SHOTO!" leaves you dumbfounded. The rippling murmur of excitement bleeds into the children as their eyes — and the eyes of the tour guide — widen at the sight of the approaching Pro Hero. 
Shoto Todoroki.
He looks... good. 
Really good.
He's a bit older, and a bit more filled out than when you were both teenagers. You can see the strength in his arms and shoulders — it's a distant echo of his father's physique, though Shoto is so much more elegant and much... prettier. He's always been.
For a second, you're seventeen again.
It's your senior year, and you're sprawled across Momo Yaoyorozu's bed.
They had finally wrangled out of you who your crush was: something they hadn't been able to do in all their years as classmates.
There's a sticky, Miss Midnight-themed face mask clinging to your expression as you try to flip through the large magazine in your hands as nonchalantly as possible. Mina's voice, as she paints Ochaco's nails a bright pink on the floor, is sweet and saccharine as she looks up at you.
"I think you and Shoto would be, like, the cutest couple ever." 
You're still crouched when the tour guide nervously — like she was caught doing something naughty — introduces The Pro Hero Shoto to the already-aware crowd of elementary school students and their teachers. It's like igniting a match; the uproar of excitement leaves you laughing as three of your boys push forward to bombard him with questions about his quirk. 
Asuke is smiling shyly, now. That's a small win. She's intrigued by the appearance of a real hero, not the "scary statues" — and her big, fat tears stopped rolling the moment you laid a gentle hand on her to quell her anxiety over the new environment with a push of comfort through your quirk. She unhooks her pinkie finger from yours as you guide her towards your co-teacher. 
"Boys," you call with a crisp air of authority as you stand and lead Asuke toward the bulk of the field trip group, "What have we learned about personal space?"
"It's fine, really, Insight," comes Shoto's voice; as warm and placid as you remember. 
"Insight?" mutters your co-teacher at the presumed hero-name; a look of confusion plasters itself on her face, and her big, feline ears perk up. She leans in to whisper in a way that borders on conspiratory, "Do you two know one another?"
"Old classmates," you confirm, not daring to get into the finer details.
Shoto's attention is entirely rooted in the way you manage the kids. There's something beautiful about the ease with which you handle the bouquet of students; you quell the excitement into a manageable decibel like it's as easy as breathing. 
"Shoto," you start as you gesture to him, "Has a very special quirk — Toyamai, he has ice like you. And, fire like Tojiro. He can regulate his temperature. Can anyone tell me what that means?"
There's a wave of hands shooting up, a few me, me, me's rise from the gaggle. 
You're using him as a teaching moment.
Shoto's smile is soft.
You nod at Ogomi, excitedly nodding as the reserved child speaks up. Normally, he hates public speaking. But, recently, he's started working with the speech pathologist during lunch. The boy bounces a little as he answers. "He doesn't g-get too hot, or too c-cold."
"Exactly! Isn't that cool?" you grin at the lazy attempt at a pun, "This is why it's important to learn about our quirks as much as we can!"
Touya thinks this whole thing is just too cute. 
You're different than he remembers — but, granted, things were sorta different last time he saw you. He was a little too busy tryna kill his old man and lil' Shoto. He's different now, too. A changed man! A real licensed hero. Support items and all. 
He hangs back. 
He... I mean, he is a jack-ass but he isn't gonna ruin this for Shoto. 
...It's kinda cute.
Just about as cute as Fuyumi said it was. 
Apparently, Shoto had opened up to her and Natsuo about his feelings after graduation — about how he regretted not doing anything about it. Fuyumi then told their mum, who then off-handedly mentioned it to Touya... and well Touya dug in because, duh, he is a whore for good gossip. He might be the family's black sheep, but Shoto is the glue that binds. 
And he deserves to be happy.
Your co-teacher is ushering the kids to the next installation — a viewing of All Might's Legacy, a new documentary following the retired pro's teaching career. It will be a good wind down for them, in comfy seats and the dark. It's hardly the sort of content an elementary school student would find riveting, but it is All Might. And they love him.
You hang back. 
Shoto's heart is hammering in his chest.
"Hey."
"Hi," you greet back, closing the door to the theater and stepping forward as you weave your arms around you, "Long time no see."
"Yea," Shoto breathes, his hands in his pockets as he meets you halfway across the museum's marble floors, "I... I see you're teaching."
His eyes are as pretty as they were back then. Slate grey and piercing turquoise. "I'm in my second year," you confirm softly, fiddling with the material of your sweater, "Congrats to your old man."
You gesture up at the statue, then wave around to the rest of the installation.
Shoto inhales, then nods; he's staring at your face, blissfully realizing you're just the way you were all those years ago. Kind. "I'll pass it along."
"How's he handling it?" you ask, your eyes raking across his expression and trying not to stick to the sharp slope of his jaw, or the bob of his Adam's apple, "Retirement, I mean."
"He's happy, I think. Touya and I are working together and... things are...  good."
Last month, Endeavor finally retired. He cited his age, and his dedication to passing his legacy to his two sons: Shoto and Touya. Shoto has planted himself firmly within the Top Ten in the last year or so, and shockingly, Touya isn't far behind. People love an underdog's redemption story, you suppose. 
And the underdog in question can read a room. 
This is getting a little too sexually tense for even him.
"Heeeeey, girl," he rasps out, staggering backward with a thumb over his shoulder, "Nice t' see ya. I'll let you two catch up, yea? I'm gonna go pop my head into the theater, see how the kids are handling the snooze fest on screen—"
You jump.
How long has he even been there?
"Hi, D— Touya," you strain, wincing a little; the rehab'd villain doesn't seem to mind.
"Hi, teach'. That cool with you?" he asks, wobbling his thumb and quirking a pierced eyebrow; it's comical, like he's trying to disarm you with humor, "Don't want you thinkin' I'm corrupting your youths—"
"It's fine," you breathe, ignoring the sting of age-old mistrust. You know better. Shoto wouldn't be here, with him, if Touya Todoroki hadn't changed. Endeavor wouldn't be entrusting his legacy to the ex-League of Villain member if he didn't believe in his capacity for good, "Just don't be disruptive."
Casting judgment on someone whose life was nearly destroyed by his own non-conforming quirk would go against everything you taught the kids anyway.
"Touya's whole thing is being disruptive," Shoto grits as his oldest brother slips silently through the doors, "I apologize for him—"
"No," you wave him off, laughing a little, "Don't. It's... nice to see you two together."
Shoto's expression is soft as he wanders a little closer. "It took time — and a lot of therapy — but we've all managed to come out the other side."
"That's great to hear, Shoto," you breathe, your eyes flitting across his face, "I'm really happy for you."
There's a long silence, then — and you can't help but ignore the roil of butterflies in your stomach. The eye contact is heavy with some unspoken thing, and both of your tongues are weighted by secrets-never-turned-confessions. 
It's like finally this dance you've been doing around one another for years breaks — and the two of you throw caution to the wind at the exact same moment. 
"Would you like to—"
"Are you free—"
Hesitant, slow grins bloom on both your faces.
"Dinner?" is all he manages after a sweet moment of soaking up your soft smile, "If you're available...?"
You make yourself available.
Yaoyorozu almost dies when you call her that night — winded from tearing through your entire wardrobe. You explained you had nothing to wear a-and you needed something nice, and you only have an hour to get ready, because Todoroki — yes, stop screaming, Todoroki — is picking you up at 8pm.
Little bro is nervous. Touya can tell. 
From his spot on the sofa, the white-haired ex-degenerate scoffs. Natsuo is digging around for some cufflinks in Shoto's dresser.
"Seriously, Sho'? A suit?" 
"It's a nice restaurant," his brother says tightly, adjusting the collar of the black button-down, "I booked the upstairs dining room for privacy." 
"Who the hell told you t' do that?" Touya quirks a skeptical brow.
"Father was the one who suggested it."
"...That old dog." 
Natsuo rolls his eyes at the exchange before throwing his hands as he emerges from the closet. "Do you have any links that aren't emblazoned with U.A. High School's crest?"
The ones in Natsuo's hands have his graduation year on them.
Shoto winces.
"Want me to ask dear ol' dog of a dad?" Touya snarks from the corner, his posture becoming less and less upright as he scrolls on his phone.
"Already did," comes the soft voice of Fuyumi; she's smiling, padding into Shoto's room with a velvet box, "He offered up his nicest pair. He also says not to screw it up with Insight. He likes her."
Of course, he likes her. You worked under Endeavor for a brief work-study period during your third year. Shoto remembers hearing grumbled praise over dinner one night about your talent for de-escalation.
"You told him who I was seeing?" Shoto asks incredulously, taking the box and working the cufflinks on. He's starting to feel exasperated.
Fuyumi nods, popping down beside Touya. 
"He asked. I'm not gonna lie to him."
"Did y' tell ma?" Touya rasps, peeking up over his phone to inspect Shoto's outfit. Not half bad, honestly. He looks good in all black. A man after his own heart, "M'sure she's gonna be real excited—"
"Yes," Shoto grumbles, "I called her earlier—"
"Chiba Prep is a really good school, y'know," Natsuo buts in as he tries to find a tie that matches Shoto's outfit. Ultimately, though, the middle brother decides against it and tosses the options over his shoulder, "They're, like, on the leading edge for quirk therapies."
"Hey, nerd? Quiet down. The big kids are gossiping," Touya shirks, turning back to Shoto, "What did mum say?" 
"She wants me to call her after—"
"One, you're gonna call mum the morning after," Touya raises a finger, "Because if you don't get laid, I'll be so fuckin' disap—"
Fuyumi slaps Touya's chest. He lets out a pained yelp at the solid smack.
"Uh, ow," he rubs his sternum. "An' two, take a deep breath. You look like you're gonna shit yourself. Those are my pants and they're expensive."
Shoto lets out a long breath. 
Fuyumi's smile is sweet like honey. "Aw, Sho'! It's gonna go great. You two have known each other for such a long time, and catching up is going to be amazing. Just be yourself! Confident and kind—"
"—Hold the door open for her, and pull her chair out," Natsuo adds as he adjusts Shoto's collar for him, "Car door, too—"
It's Touya's turn. He's dead serious. "—And do not chicken out on kissing her at the end of the night. I swear to god."
Easier said than done.
You never did go pro.
Those years of hardened battle instincts have lost their edge. You try to remind yourself this is just Shoto, not The Shoto — but you're a little lost in the whole celebrity of it all when he picks you up in a very nice, sporty little car with ENDVRplates. 
You answer the door and he forgets how to breathe.
He has flowers for you. They're blue and blooming and beautiful. 
Fuyumi's contribution. 
You settled then you were going to kiss him at the end of the night.
The restaurant is... nice. Really nice. The sort of nice you could never aspire to experience on your teacher's salary. Even the valet is a concept that has your head spinning. But, Shoto handles it all with cool ease. The entire time, his hand is settled on your lower back. 
It feels like you've been lit on fire.
You're glad Momo was able to create a dress fitting for the occasion. It's sleek and black. Comfortable, too. Not much can be said for your heels on that front, but it's fine. 
Somehow, Shoto managed to book the entire upper floor of this place in all its glimmering glory — it's just the two of you alone in a sea of tables. 
The waiter is pouring you a glass of the chef's suggested pairing of sake.
You thank him, smile, and take a sip as Shoto unbuttons his suit jacket and watches you. 
For a second, you're seventeen again.
Sero and Kirishima were always in cahoots when it came to parties back then — somehow, between the two of them, they always managed to smuggle enough booze onto campus to obliterate any semblance of promised sobriety from even the most stoic members of 1-A. 
You remember one night, after a lot of hounding, you finally gave in and joined a few of your classmates on the back lawn for a few drinks. 
A few beers turned into a cup or two of wine, and then another big gulp of whatever deranged jungle juice concoction Kaminiari managed to cook up. It tasted terrible, but you were too drunk to really care. Shoto was no better. He was nursing his fourth drink of the night — a rarity he was even drinking at all — and seemed completely fine with the way your arms brushed as the two of you sat close in the grass. 
He was always so nervous around you. Now, he just seemed... happy. 
"I can't believe there is only one week left until graduation."
Graduation day was the last time you saw him. 
Until this morning, that is. 
You smile into your drink. 
"What?" you ask when his eyes never leave your face.
His fingers twitch towards his own glass. Shoto blinks, then rolls his jaw. He was caught staring. He clears his throat, looking a bit shy. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" you press playfully, cocking your head to the side.
"You..." he starts, then bawks. You're stunning, and it's making it hard to even think straight. He thought these feelings might have mellowed out over the years but seeing you again has just reignited everything. He feels like a hormonal teenager again, "You look beautiful."
Your expression falters into something lovesick. You chew your lip. "You're not so bad yourself, Todoroki."
He manages a half-smile. "Touya had me worried the suit was a bit much."
The idea of Touya offering him advice on his outfit strikes a chord in your heart. It makes you smile even bigger than before. "Well, you can tell Touya that I like it. A lot."
You rake your eyes up and down him. On purpose.
He notices.
Shoto's face feels hot. 
He tries to shake the bone-deep want that has swept his entire body up in its grip, but it's difficult when every single word out of your mouth reminds him just how in love he was with you back in school. You explain, excitedly, why you chose to teach at Chiba Prefectural Prep and catch him up on where you've been living since graduating. He's pleased to learn you're still in the area, living in the city, and decidedly in love with the commute to the school. 
Shoto's always been a good listener — but you can see how much he's changed when he begins to speak about his career. He seems so much more sure of himself than he was all those years ago. It wasn't that he was... unsure... but, no. He was shy. Quiet.
Now, less so. 
It's adorable. 
Dinner comes and goes with conversation over sushi that is far too good for you to even process. It's easy talking to him. It was easy talking to Shoto back, then, too but... Things are different. You're both different. Not in a bad way, but in a way that feels like coming home. 
While you both wait outside for the valet, Shoto shrugs his jacket off and puts it over your shoulders without a single word. Suddenly, you're cradled in a warmth that's very Shoto — his cologne clings to the collar and you bury yourself a little deeper into it. 
Shyly, you step closer and steal his hand. It's calloused and warm. He laced his fingers with yours as if practiced. You bite back a grin. You give his hand a little squeeze when you spot the car coming around the corner.
His silence is calming — and he squeezes your hand back. When you look up at him, you realize he's already looking at you. 
His face is close. It's so... intimate. Very. Nearly better than a kiss. 
But, you've wanted to kiss Shoto Todoroki since you were seventeen. 
The valet driver interrupts the moment with a respectful call of Shoto's name and offers the keys with a shake of the hand. With a little bit of hesitancy, Shoto remembers the thing Natsuo said — the car door, too — and moves around the passenger side to open the door for you. 
It's sweet.
Really sweet. 
The car ride back to your apartment is punctuated with easy conversation — you ask him about Bakugo and Midorya, and you're pleased to hear they're both doing well. He asks about Momo, and if you still keep in touch with Mina and Ochaco. He smiles to himself when you admit you did call Momo for help with an outfit. 
"She did a beautiful job," Shoto breathes, a palm moving from the gear shift to brush over the dress' fabric on your thigh.
His hand settles there. 
Your stomach does a flip. 
You chew your lip, swallow down a sudden burst of nerves, and let your hand rest over his. You squeeze it. Shoto tries to focus on the road. His gaze drifts for a moment at a red light, his heterochromatic eyes dancing across your figure. 
Keep it together. 
He isn't seventeen.
He's twenty-five. He's a Professional Hero. One of the Top Ten in all of Japan. He's more than capable of keeping it together in the face of physical touch from the woman he's dreamed about for years. 
...Right?
Green light.
His hand is still on your thigh when he pulls up to your apartment. 
The touch is relinquished in favor of putting the sports car in park. 
It makes your chest ache.
Shoto swallows thickly.
Do not chicken out on kissing her at the end of the night.
He'll never forgive himself. But, admittedly, he's bad at this. He's not good at reading body language, or even knowing himself enough to realize he looks mildly terrified as you blink up at him in the passenger's seat. His heart is hammering a mile a minute.
What if you don't want to kiss him?
When would he even kiss you? Now? Or at the door?
Why does he feel like he's going to die?
"This was really... Shoto, are you okay?" you ask as you unbuckle your seatbelt; you pause, your brows knitting tightly. 
"What?" he asks, blinking back to the present moment. The look of fear disappears, "Sorry. Yes. I'm fine."
You're working his jacket off your shoulders, gently leaning to fold it neatly in your lap. Your voice dips low, into something playful. "You didn't look fine..."
"I—" Shoto clamps his mouth shut as he leans an elbow on the center console, "Sorry. I suppose I'm just nervous."
"Nervous?" you grin, a little giggle punctuating your words as you wriggle in the red, leather seat, "Why?"
Your expression makes his expression crack. He ducks his head as he huffs out a laugh. You continue to egg him on via expression alone. "I... Stop it."
"Stop what?" you push some more, your back pressed to the door as you face him in the car, "You're the one being weird—"
"I'm not being weird—"
"Then what's wrong, Shoto?" you tease in a sing-song voice.
"I'm nervous because I want to kiss you."
His words are punctuated by a slow look that takes in every inch of your face. Butterfly wings kiss your stomach walls. And your knees. You feel a little tremble in your chest. 
It feels like someone has sucker punched you square in the sternum. Shoto's no better. He isn't entirely sure what the expression on your face means. Is that... good? Are you happy?
Your voice is a little quieter now. You duck your head and fiddle with his suit jacket as you lean back against the seat, a little closer now. 
"You don't need to be."
Shoto's breath catches at that.
So, he makes his move.
His hand comes first — his calloused palm settles nicely against your face, his thumb brushing your cheekbone as his pointer finger brushes the underside of your jaw. Shoto is slow. Methodical. It's like he's trying to ground himself in the moment. 
Truth be told, he thinks he might be blacking out.
Your eyes flit up his wrist — a dark leather band around his wrist with an expensive watch face, a dark dress shirt with glimmering cufflinks, strong arms and a broad chest, and you can see the dip of his collarbone where the top two buttons of his shirt remain undone. 
He looks so damn handsome with his sharp jaw, pretty eyes, and his trademark white and crimson hair. Even his scar is beautiful. 
The touch pulls you in like he's got his own personal orbit.  
Your elbows are braced along the center console, your eyes flicking across his face as his fingers continue to brush along the soft expanse of your cheek. You wring your fingers together. 
Then, his eyes stick to your lips.
"Can I kiss you?" he whispers, his breath fanning across your face. 
You never did go pro.
But, Shoto did. 
It shows. 
Because, at this moment, all you can do is nod feebly before you're swept into the sort of kiss people go to war for. It's the sort of kiss that sticks to your ribs, that feels like warm, fresh food. It's the sort of kiss that would drive you to the brink, that would make you nod and agree sure, let's get married and have three kids, let's name one after your father, and paint the house blue like your mother's favorite flower—
His mouth is eager, but not in an overbearing way. It's gentle. Slow. As if he needs to remind himself this is real and not some midnight fiction that leaves him aching and alone. Shoto reminds himself to be tepid, pliable, and easy, which is easier said than done when somewhere deep inside of him there's a seventeen-year-old screaming in victory. 
It's better than anything he could have ever imagined. 
And then you whimper. 
It's a sound tied between bliss and relief and it's muttered against his mouth as you lean in and let your fingers brush the fabric of his dress shirt. The tips of your fingers brush his abdomen and he flexes, the feeling foreign and warm. It warrants his other hand to drift to your face and you break for a breath; he doesn't care that there's lipstick smeared across his mouth. He's kissing you again — this time a little bit more feverish, a little bit more aching. 
You melt against him, this time your hands trembling to grip his wrists.
He needs to slow down.
He is not having sex with you in his father's car.
That's shameless.
He needs to slow down.
He has to, or he'll lose himself in this and he refuses to fuck this up. 
Shoto's breath is ragged when he finally peels himself away, his lip parted and eyes half-lidded. His grip on your face is still so soft, so gentle. It's very him. 
You're glad you didn't do this when you were seventeen.
It would have permanently altered your brain chemistry, you're sure of it. How could you ever kiss someone else again after that? 
He's rubbing your cheek with his thumb. You swallow, and try to level out your breathing. It's hard when he's still so close, when he's so... perfect. 
"I've wanted to do that," he murmurs against your cheek, "Since our last year at Yuei."
A well-kissed smile breaks across your face. You reel back, your nose wrinkling as you shake your head in disbelief. Shoto is smiling. A real smile. The sort that's so rare you can count on one hand the amount of times you've ever seen it in person. 
"Are you serious?"
"Very," he says, chastely pressing another to your other cheek as he leans back.
"Me too," you admit shyly, "Can we... do it again sometime?"
Shoto's eyes widen incrementally. Then, his smile eases back onto his face. 
"Are you free this weekend?"
"I can be," you reply easily with a honeyed look, "And I will be. For you."
"I get off patrol on Saturday around seven," he explains before asking timidly, "We could... do dinner again?"
"Works for me," you breathe as you move for the handle of the car door, "After all, I never went Pro. Weekends are free."
Shoto scoffs. 
Then, as you open the door and swing a leg out:
"Oh, and tell Touya I thought the suit sexy."
Shoto's laugh is dry. You leave his jacket on the seat and scurry into your apartment with a lovesick wave. He swears he sees the silhouette of a familiar ponytail greet you at the door, but he doesn't dwell on it. He waits until you're inside and the lights to the front door are shut off.
Then it hits him. He has another date with you this weekend. 
Not so seventeen anymore, Shoto Todoroki. 
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