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puffein · 11 months ago

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limbo

pairings: wanda maximoff x reader summary: wanda is in limbo, an intermediate state of waiting, awaiting for your decision to love her just the way she loves you. warnings: angst word count: 4531 a/n: i've been away for so long bc i got overwhelmed with my acads and this has been been sitting in my drafts for soo longg. i missed writing sb :<

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People picture love so beautifully, they form an image so picturesque around the condition of love that your mind goes into a state of fuzzy thoughts and blurry minds at just the thought of it.

The world tends to show people that love is easy, making them believe that the act of falling in love can be done in just a blink of an eye, that in a snap of a finger, you'll be walking down the aisle, flowers in hand, and a wife that awaits for you at the altar. But love is far from easy, you cannot find love in a snap of a finger, it's hard to deal with, and it's always so difficult to find light in a condition that seems to be so poor-lit.

You don't hate love, mind you, you've been in a moderate number of relationships, you have kissed numerous people, and you have been on dates for as long as you can remember.

You don't hate love, you don't fear it, you just don't feel the need to feel for it.

The tricky thing about love is, it makes you want to grasp it even if you have conditioned yourself that you don't need it. It's the power of love, they say, it makes you crave it even in a state where you knew you could live without being in the arms of someone.

It's ironic to be thinking about that when you are currently in the arms of a certain redhead.

Her breathing brought you back to reality, the reality of her vanilla-scented apartment, the scent of her, the warmth she gives off as she scoots closer and closer whilst placing her face rightfully at the crook of your neck.

You lay still, frozen. Eyes cast heavenwards as the weight of her arms around your midsection pricks at your skin.

The name Wanda Maximoff screams at your head, moving your hand to caress her warm arms, you feel her shift, and next is the soft textures of her lips making their way into your neck towards your cheeks.

You felt her hot breath, "Good morning." you uttered quietly.

Wanda smiled against your cheek, she sighed, "I love waking up with you beside me."

You hummed at her words, blinking the light rays of the sun trickling slowly at the open gaps of her apartment.

"You have no work today?" you ask, shifting away from her, Wanda's arms tighten around you, caging you more into her arms.

She groans, "Can we please not talk about work."

"What else can we talk about unless it's work?"

You felt her stay still. Wanda's tightened arms seemed to feel loose the minute you replied to her with a tone of coldness and disinterest. Your heart hammered in regret the minute her warmth fades as she sits up and frowns at you.

"What do you mean?" she replies, the frown shows confusion, and the look in her eyes speaks a thousand words, one being hurt. "Of course, we talk about things other than work."

"We're in a relationship, aren't we?" the uncertainty laced fully in her voice made you mirror her movements, sitting up, your shoulders brushing against hers.

"I'm sorry. Of course, we are." you leaned towards her, in an attempt to peck her lips but successfully failed as Wanda turned her head away.

You took her hand, bringing it into your lips, watching her shudder at the feel of your warm lips into her skin, your other hand glided into the nightstand, maneuvering to take something small out of it.

Wanda felt something cold sliding into her ring finger, whipping her head to look at you. Her dilated pupils pierced right at yours.

"What.." she forms incoherent words, her green eyes flickering at your face towards the glinting ring situated at her finger.

"It's a promise ring, a promise and an apology for always being this," you started, your voice laced with sincerity, Wanda watches you. "I know, I can be difficult all the time. But I like you, a lot. I want you to know that I do like you and I am your girlfriend."

You await the changing of her face, to confusion from just affection. Wanda smiled widely, throwing her arms around your neck as she muttered, "This is the start of something, detka."

You sigh against her, and she pushes you away gently, grinning as she leans in to capture your lips. You let the moment play, swaying lips, dancing altogether, the feel of soft textures, the taste of her. You let it happen.

You didn't know landing a corporate job would mean you would also become someone's girlfriend.

You met her at work.

Wanda was a straightforward woman, her heart wobbles from the moment she laid her eyes on you. You, being the new employee in her department didn't sway in Wanda's mind but the look of you, your gorgeous face, your hair seemingly so perfect as it frames the curves of your face easily, she knew instantly, that she wanted you to be hers.

That want becomes a need.

Despite being straightforward, she was hesitant to approach you. Intimidation lingers in her atmosphere as she silently watches you across her desk, it just happens that you are placed at the vacant desk across from her.

Disappointment was what she felt when she saw you being guided at that desk despite the vacant, empty desk right beside her. But then, she wouldn't be having this view if you were placed right beside her, she wouldn't see you fully, the frowning of your eyebrows, the pursed lips as you concentrated. She thought right then and there that it was a blessing to be able to see you with no obstacles in line.

It was a week after that she approached you confidently. Her confidence then wavered when you looked up and gave her a smile. Wanda felt her heart staggered, "Lunch?"

The corners of your mouth stumble at her words. Wanda felt the need to be swallowed whole that day.

She shook her head then laughed nervously, "Sorry. I'm Wanda, would you like to have lunch with me?"

It was the start of a routine. Multiple lunches together at the rooftop of the building you work in, the breeze of the air as Wanda talks about her experiences in work and being so interested in you. She was talkative the day she asked you to have lunch with her, asking what your favorite color was, your hobbies, and your likes. Wanda covers her adamant interest in knowing you and tells you she just wants to have a genuine friend at work. It was weird but endearing on your part.

You didn't know having a routined lunch together with Wanda would lead to her treating you in an expensive restaurant, you were oblivious to the fact that Wanda was trying to show you that she's interested in you.

"You don't have to treat me to lunch. I could just buy something."

Wanda gestures for you to dismiss it, she smiles widely, "Well, you deserve to eat a nice lunch. That's why I'm treating you."

"Are you saying the past packed lunches of mine are not nice?" you teased her, eyebrows raised as you watched the widening of her green eyes.

"No!" Wanda exclaims, then turns her head downwards at the sudden rise of her voice. Her mouth opened and her rambles started, "I mean, you just— you know, deserve it. You've been doing good despite being the new employee in town. I just felt like you deserve it because—"

You laugh at her reddening face, leaning in to pinch her cheeks. Wanda's mind short-circuited at your gesture, the reddened face she had couldn't gotten much redder.

"You're cute." you absentmindedly replied, leaning back as you took a spoonful of food right at your mouth, unaware of the piercing green eyes and the restless heartbeat of your co-worker.

Wanda was suffering in the months of friendship she had with you. Being your friend and having feelings for you is hard and the fact that in the 5-month friendship she managed to get with you, she had never seen you outside the premises of work. She was straightforward but hesitant when it came to you and it frustrates her.

She just wants to blurt out words like, "I like you." or even ask you questions like, "Have you ever French kissed a woman?"

But her tongue seems to be in a knot whenever she tries to let her feelings be known.

"Hey, Wan. I got you your coffee." your voice smooths the buzzing nerves she's feeling. Looking up, her heart sinks in a good way. Her stomach felt weird whenever her eyes laid on you.

"You're a savior, I could marry you right now." she let her thoughts win, freezing at the words, Wanda gulped and smiled nervously at your expression.

You remained oblivious, "And I will gladly be your wife." and a wink that almost made Wanda be on her deathbed.

Wanda thought right there and then that she had to confess and let heaven hear her desperations to become yours.

Heaven was deaf.

Her confession was not that lovely, it was messy. She was drunk when she confessed her love for you. Drowning in her feelings, the frustrations, the desperation to just kiss you, hug you, kiss you again and again made her want to suffocate herself and use liquor to gather the courage to spit out words of love and her devotion for you.

Contrary to what being drunk is, the misplaced coordination, and the difficulty to remember things, Wanda was able to navigate the whereabouts of your apartment after shamelessly asking where you reside one time at lunch. It was nearing midnight when she continuously knocked on your door, her forehead squeezed tightly against it. When the door was yanked open, you had to wrap your arms around her to catch Wanda from falling.

"Wanda?" you called at her, trying to help her find the balance in standing right up.

Wanda giggles, a sign you took note of and of course, the strong smell of alcohol, "Hi, wife."

About to ask again, Wanda shushes you instantly with her finger placed right at your lips. "I have never seen you with these clothes."

"Yeah, because I'm gonna get fired if I wear pajamas at work."

She laughs at that, sighing as she rests her forehead on your shoulder, "You smell nice." she muttered.

You blink at her actions, the resting of her forehead warms your heart and then suddenly, the feel of her lips on your neck makes you straighten up and gently push her away.

Wanda frowns at that, "You don't want me?"

"Let's get you inside, okay?" you managed to walk past her question, guiding her towards your bedroom as you gingerly took off her shoes.

Wanda sits patiently at the edge of your bed, her lips downwards as she watches you find clothes for her to change into.

"I like you." she suddenly blurts out, Wanda watches how your movement stops, her eyes linger on your posture, the stiffness of it, how her words halted your determination to find clothes for her. "A lot. More than a friend. As a woman, I like you."

Your silence seems to make her sober up, she blinks at your back, trying to get the alcohol out of her system as she feels tears prickling at the bottom of her eyes. Your posture screams rejection.

Turning around and kneeling in front of her, you took her hands and caressed her gently, "You're drunk."

Wanda cries right there, panic arises from you as she sobs out, "I'm not— drunk. I like you," a hiccup comes out of her, "—a lot. This is—- this is— not drunk."

Her sobs ring out of your room, frustrations building up in her chest, "Can you just please go out with me?"

Regardless of how she bawled her eyes out in front of you and the embarrassing confession she had made, heaven was actually not deaf. Because the morning after, you had cheekily teased her to confess again and amusingly accepted her rambled confession.

It was the start of something magical for Wanda.

Being able to hold your hands, kiss you, and call you cute endearments, was something that made her so happy. She started falling for you, deep and hard.

"Shh, they'll be able to hear you." Wanda chuckles at your statement, pulling you closer to her as she kisses you hard.

You gently push her shoulder away, "I am serious, I don't want to get fired."

Wanda rolled her eyes, leaning the back of her head at the wall of your company's office pantry space, "Please, no one's gonna hear."

Watching the contemplation playing on your face, she snakes her arms around your waist, a grin plastered on her beautiful face as she leans in to kiss your cheeks, "I just want to kiss you." then your nose, your forehead, and gingerly wraps her lips around yours. "Like this."

That was the actions of someone so whipped over a person, it's so obvious how hard she had fallen for you.

"This is making me nervous," Wanda states, her foot tapping anxiously outside a co-worker's front door as she squeezes your hand.

You turned at her, gently tucking a stray of hair behind her ears, you smiled at her, "What for?"

"It's just dinner hosted by Melissa, nothing could go wrong," you reassured her. Being invited to a dinner party by your co-worker shouldn't be something to overthink about, but Wanda thinks so otherwise.

"I know, but I'll be introducing you as my girlfriend. What if… you know?" she rambles, a line appearing between her brows.

"They won't you know." you said calmly, "Wait, we are allowed to date each other, right? No rules about dating?"

Wanda nods frantically, "Yes, I– I have read it a thousand times like, a week after I saw you— I just had to know if I can date you or not."

You grinned at her words, "You have read the work manual," you said slowly, emphasizing each word, "— especially about dating, one week after you saw me?"

Wanda blushes at your words, "No, I just love reading the manual." The corners of her mouth twitch at your amused expression.

"But if it's not allowed. I'm gonna miss you so much, baby." you teased her, kissing her cheeks.

Her face turns serious instantly, "No."

You studied her serious face, "No?"

"You're not gonna miss me because if it's not allowed to date a co-worker, I'm gonna present my resignation letter."

You blink at her, "Why the hell…"

She shrugs, "Well, I'm gonna choose you over my work, easy as that." her eyes pierce right at your soul, "I'm not gonna lose you just because of a job, that's not gonna happen. You're too special to lose."

That's how you have realized that your relationship with Wanda was not like the others. Your past relationships were insignificant, they were never serious and always ended in the 5th month of dating because letting it go on for 6th would mean that it was serious.

Wanda is serious, so serious that it scares you.

She was willing to end her long-term job just to be with you.

This realization opted you to put Wanda in a state of limbo.

It started out subtle, the intimate touches you have with her become just physical touches. Wanda slowly felt the fading feeling of being intimate with you but ignored it as it was a month of hectic schedules and she could clearly see how busy you were as she was too.

But that did not stop her from making time for you.

"Hey, I missed you," she whispers, bumping her shoulders at yours as she takes a snack out of the pantry.

You let silence reply for you.

She frowns, "Detka? You okay?" she asks, she watches you whip your head to stare blankly at her.

"Sorry, just tired." then gave her a peck on the cheek, "Missed you too." the sound of your retreating footsteps echoes in the small space of the pantry office.

She lets her eyes linger on your back.

It was nothing, right? But the disinterest you had with her was strongly felt by the redhead. She didn't know what she had said at that dinner party that made you seem to slick out of her grasp slowly, it must've been so wrong of her words to make you be this cold towards her.

"Detka, would you like to have dinner with me?" she quietly asked, scooting closer to you as she rested her chin on your shoulders. She kisses your cheeks then goes down to slowly kiss every place she could get on your neck.

You grip the remote of your television tightly, and Wanda's eyes flicker on it.

Leaning away, she scowls, "Is something wrong?"

You shook your head instantly, turning your head to kiss her quickly, "Nothing, just tired."

"You're always tired when you're with me," she mumbles.

You sigh, "Well, we work in the same company. You know how busy it can get."

"It's not even busy this month. The hectic schedules passed by last month, it's supposed to just—"

"Well, it is busy for me."

Wanda snapped her mouth shut, nodding, she stood up and took her purse laying steadily on your coffee table. "You're just busy when it comes to me."

That was the first fight she had with you. The ringing of a door slamming shut stayed on Wanda's mind, she waited for you to chase her that day, avoiding taking Uber and walking instead, in case you wanted to chase her and apologize or even just explain what is happening for the past weeks.

But when she was presented with the familiar intricate design of her front door, she broke down and cried just outside her apartment.

She walked all the way home and you never chased her.

That was supposed to be a blatant sign that you are no longer interested in her. Maybe she bore you to death, maybe she's just not that interesting enough for you to continue on. People always say the first three months of a relationship is considered as a honeymoon phase,

Wanda thinks maybe, just maybe, this is normal for a 4th-month relationship, you just got out of your honeymoon phase, but she could still make you feel happy.

Nibbling her bottom lips as she rearranges the bouquet of flowers she manually arranged for you for the ninth time, Wanda groans when she hears a knock at her front door.

Standing outside her apartment, was you. With a bouquet of flowers and chocolate in your hands. Wanda's heart skips at your gestures, her cheeks colored as her heart thumps.

"I'm sorr—" Your apology was three days late, but it is still an apology from Wanda's point of view and she accepted the minute it got out of your mouth.

Throwing her hands around your neck, she peppers your face with kisses.

"I missed you so much, detka."

"Me too."

Your relationship with her should've sailed calmly after that. Wanda was hopeful that everything would be back to normal.

It was.

For a short period of time.

You started going out more with your friends, leaving her behind in her apartment. It was fine by her, you have a life outside hers, and of course, you would be having fun with friends. She let it slide, even helping you pick an outfit whenever you go out.

You'll always kiss her cheeks goodbye, never her lips.

She lets it slide.

She always lets it slide, because it's you, you're this woman she fell in love with. She would always understand the actions you have made even if it's actions that squeeze her heart painfully, pulling it dangerously away from her chest, letting it throb disturbingly.

But Wanda was not perfect, she felt things, painful things with you. When you agreed to spend the day with her, promising her to celebrate the 5th month of your relationship with her, Wanda was excited, she felt immense joy.

"You promise, you'll spend the entire day with me?" she asked, her fingertips tracing your collarbone gently.

You kissed her forehead, "Of course, you don't have to ask."

But Wanda always felt like she had to ask. Even begged to spend time with her.

So, when the day comes. She spends half of it cooking, arranging her apartment into something magical and pretty. She placed candles, she brought you a gift as a token for being with her for 5 months, and she cleaned and tidied up everything.

She awaits your arrival.

You came late. Exactly midnight, the ticking of the clock signifies the end of the day you have promised with her.

When you came to her apartment that day, she was cleaning everything up. Her slumped shoulders, the tear-stained face she had as she carelessly threw all the dishes she had cooked in a garbage can, the messy makeup, the downwards of her lips.

You hugged her back that day and felt the stiffening of her body as she turned around to look at you.

"You promised," she mutters.

You brush your nose against hers, "I know, I'm sorry, I was having too much fun with friends. I lose track of time."

She scoffs, moving away as she cleans the countertop. "Sure."

"I'll make it up to you."

"What could you possibly make up to me, Y/N?" she whips her head to stare at you. It was the very first time she had called your name again, it was always detka.

"I'm sorry." you state calmly, "I'll make it up to you. I'll spend days with you, now. I'll even—"

"I don't even feel like your girlfriend anymore." she uttered silently, chest heaving as her eyes welled up with tears, "You made me feel like this thing, the thing you remember you have back at home when everything seems to be boring for you."

"That's not true."

"That is what I felt." she snaps, her hiccups coming next as she tries to slow down her cries.

"Then it's better if we just stop whatever this is Wanda."

Wanda's heart sinks, panic arises within her, and with one wipe of her tears, she looks straight at you, wide eyes, "No, I'm sorry– no. You— will really promise this time?" she resigns.

Going back to the present time, watching Wanda gush over the promise ring you had brought just for her, made your chest constrict painfully. You had made so many mistakes with her and she blindedly ignored it just to be with you. You shouldn't let this happen for long but you just can't seem to give up on her.

She's this constant thing in your life, you'll always have her because she'll always have you back.

Wanda turns her head to look at you, "It's really beautiful."

You gave her a faint smile, "Glad you liked it."

Wanda shook her head, wrapping her arms around you as she rested her forehead into yours, "I loved it."

Then she kisses you fully, pressing her body against yours as you sigh at the feeling of her skin under your fingertips, you feel her hands moved as she pulls you impossibly closer to your body, the taste of her lips surrounds your essence.

You let her push you back into her messy sheets, her lips still glued into yours, muttering against your lips, the words slipped out of her mouth, "I love you."

Your mind was too occupied in the feeling of her hands all over your skin, you pulled her closer, too wrapped up in her warmth that you almost didn't register the words she had stated.

Almost.

And then you froze.

Wanda blinks on top of you, she watches you yank your figure away from her, stumbling out of her bed as your chest hammered painfully.

The word love reverberates in your whole being.

Love is difficult from your vantage point. It's messy, imperfect, hard. If you love someone, it means you give yourself fully to her, you resigned what you are to be one with her, and that thing scares you.

You're not ready to give yourself fully to someone.

"Y/N." Wanda searches for something, she observes the tension in your face.

But Wanda is not someone, she's just not someone. She's more than that. She's this woman who you have been dating for eight months, she had accepted you consistently despite the mistakes you had shown, and the painful actions you had made, and she stayed with you.

"Y/N." she calls again, the ring situated on her finger seems to weigh her down, "What's wrong?"

"I— Nothing, sorry."

She nods, the atmosphere completely changed at your strange actions. The tension was unbearable and the hurt plastered on her beautiful face did not help the confusion lingering in your mind.

"Sometimes," she suddenly started out. Her voice wavers as she plays with the ring you have just given her, "I wonder what I truly am to you."

You instantly moved towards her, taking her hands, "You are my girlfriend."

"It doesn't feel like it, Y/N." she whispers, she pushes your hand away to wipe her face distressedly.

You scooch closer to her, "Wanda, baby, hey. I'm sorry."

"You always apologize but won't give me explanations. Why do you—" she sighs, "Why are you being like this?"

"It just scares me."

"What is?"

"Love, Wanda," you state, watching her eyes as she looks away. "Love is hard. It's difficult, I don't want to feel difficult with you, it's still the same being with you without love, right?"

She frowns, "Loving you was the easiest part for me, Y/N."

"We've talked about this. You accepted me multiple times despite the things I have done, but you stil—"

"It's tiring, I have waited for you, for the longest time. I thought this was the start of something, you even gave me a promise ring." you watch her eyes shine with unspilled tears, "You did not change at all, what is so hard to just say you love me?"

"Wanda–"

"Am I too difficult to love, is that it?"

"No, of course not—"

"Then love me."

Your voice says nothing, silence speaks for you.

Wanda nods, blinking her tears away as she turns her head heavenwards, "Please, get out."

"Wanda—"

"Get out, please." she sobs, you watch her face contort in pain, hurt written all over her features.

"Just give me time. Wait for me, I can do it. I can love you." you stumble over your words, grasping at that tiny spectacle of hope.

Wanda heaves out, her pupils are dilated, and pain became so normal for her that she got accustomed to its feeling all because of you.

She gave you time, she gave you her time and yet, all you gave her was pain and made her feel more less of herself.

"I have been waiting for 8 months, is that not enough?"

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tormented-and-insane · 1 year ago

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Goddess Nemesis (envy)

While Nemesis is commonly associated with revenge and retribution I'll just consider this as part of her, because its all connected anyway lol. Anyway, I somehow get triggered by the cringeworthy and the paint of joy in their faces. I can't find a word to describe what happened to me after I saw the kid, the cosplay shts and the status like... wtf I am honestly done and everything between us is long gone, but then suddenly my whole system alerted like some kind of old facility detecting a failure. I'm having goosebumps the whole time. My mind & body working to pinpoint what's wrong and what can be done to turn off the alarm. It feels like there are people inside me holding a clipboard with the list of their opinions and ways to deal with what's happening to me. This is what they have been telling me to do: - Write down your thoughts. - Distract yourself w/ acads & games - Talk to yourself - Search wisdom quotes/anything that will help u w/ the issue - Talk to a friend about it (like pat, not Iyan it will may affect him) - Talk to a crushie to distract the feeling of ??? or envy idk. links to the things that I did base on the list: https://www.tumblr.com/tormented-and-insane/749562054043631616/nemesis?source=share

While this is their opinion and theories: - You felt cringe because his humor is still the same (boypickup) - You hate to see him active in social and also irl. - Surprise when you see a kid. Wondering if its his. - Knowing the simp got a famous, talented and 10 coser - You are jealous because he is now happy - Also because they are legal and free Elucidation base on the above opinion: - yak - bcuz i tried to make him a little active but nada. - conclusion: We compare other people's life with ours which doesn't change anything or gain something good about us it can only land in one thing which is sadness and disappointment. We're obsessed with fixing people to the point that seeing someone accomplished the problem we were trying to fix, we feel awful and hurt ourselves a little more.

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tigre-edi-rawr · 2 years ago

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The Indecipherable-Enigmatic Faith of this Love Story

I will share a 2013-2023 story... should I say in the making?

This is about my ex boyfriend in high school, let's just call him 'Anj'. The post above is about him. It's not really all the context, so I think this is the right time to update this because it is fucking strange to me. Up until now, it's fucking confusing.

He was the best man I never had in the end. He was the standard, entirely what I want in a man.

He made my high school days special and unforgettable. Puppy love story ng mga high schoolers. I was contented. I do not remember why we broke up before going to college but we did. I remember taking Psychology for my first year in college, and I never wanted anyone but him in a room full of interesting men. Kahit sobrang daming umaaligid, nagpaparamdam, nagpapaalam na gusto ako, I don't care. So I stayed single for a year, bukambibig ko parin siya sa mga kaibigan ko. Palagi akong may kwento tungkol sakaniya kaya parang hindi rin siya nawala sakin, kasi baon ko parin lahat. We're not talking much nitong mga panahon na 'to. Siguro from time to time lang, once every couple of months.

After one year of taking BS Psychology, I was able to shift to my dream course, BS Electronics and Communication Engineering. Bestie, sobrang daming pogi! Ang daming very attractive kasi ang talino talaga. But at the same time, it was a lot of pressure because it's not just my dream to finish this course but as well as my father's. I was able to move on during this time, busy ako sa acads and finally I got to accept things pero I am still thinking of him from time to time. I was certain I'm okay. Until hindi ko na siya nasagi sa isip ko.

One time, my friend invited me to join them, pupunta daw sa MCL (he was enrolled in this university at the time) kasi may banda na tutugtog. Up Dharma Down! Ito yata yung time na maingay mga musika nila, kaya tuwang-tuwa ako at excited pumunta. Di ko naisip kahit isang beses na mangyayari yung hindi ko inaasahan...

I was standing at an enormous football field at MCL. I was facing the court area where the band will perform. Until suddenly, people walk past me and my friends.

I looked at them, it was him.

I am certain it was him. Nanginginig ako nito, hindi ko alam yung sasabihin ko, I remember just making noise of excitement until I became shocked and quiet. My friends are asking me what it is, words seems having trouble getting out of my mouth. My eyes are fixated in their way. He was with 2 girls and a boy who is a high-school friend of ours. They looked like a group of couples who will watch UDD to perform that night, it crushed me. I won't forget about this memory because this became the waking up call that I still love him and I don't want to lose him for good. I think I reached out to him, we talked, I convinced him to take me back and make us work. And though at first he didn't want to, we ended up getting back together. I was living the dream.

He was always at my place. We had a lot of fun, conversation, understanding, love and memories. Every puzzle perfectly fits. He would always help me with my papers, he would usually stay past midnight. Even if we can't talk or bond, he would just stay beside me while I finish all the things I needed for school the next day. After that, we would make out all night, and I don't know why but we didn't get tired of kissing for hours.

But things were a lot for me that time. I was having a hard time to keep up with my future, academics, and having to maintain the relationship as well. Napagod ako. Narindi ako. Nahirapan ako kasi sobrang hirap maging panganay. I remember failing a subject and had to choose if I should focus on my acads or have him still. I chose to let him go and focus on my future.

That was the very last time he was really mine.

But he never left.

Technically, he never did. I met someone, the 4-year toxic relationship? He saved me multiple times in that relationship. When I felt like I want everything to stop and be loved the right way, I will break up with 4-year toxic relationship then he will be there to comfort me every time. He became my knight and shining armor. He never questioned anything, accepted me open arms and loved me like how I deserve and wanted to be loved. Pero yung gagong ako, babalik kay 4-years na toxic dahil "mahal ko". This cycle happened many times, yeah, I know. Manggagamit ako, gago, mapagsamantala, malandi, name it. But that was never my intention.

Every time I will go back to Anj, it felt like it was the right thing or it was all I ever wanted. I always thought it was the right decision until I miss my ex and can't forget about my 4-year ex then it will be a miserable situation for me again.

Anj became the standard. He was the living representation of the kind of man I wanted in life, that is true hanggang ngayon. Until now, no one have lived up to that or past that. But the timing was never right, time was never kind to us. By the time we are able to go back together, I was not in love with him anymore. It was the most cruel realization I had to experience. He was just an idea, the standard, a memory, someone who I know will take good care of me and love me no matter what. In short, wala na akong mahihiling pa. Pero hindi na siya yung mahal ko.

I tried my best to stop talking to him, okay man ako o hindi. Ayoko nang sagipin, manggamit ng tao at manamantala ng kahinaan. Kahit pa hindi ganon yung intensyon ko, ayoko na manakit ng tao dahil hindi ako sigurado o dahil magulo akong tao. And I did.

The indecipherable-enigmatic faith of this love story starts here...

From time to time, maalala ko parin siya. Maraming beses na iniisip ko sana siya nalang, kami nalang ulit. Kapag naalala ko siya, iniisip ko kung kami talaga, kami talaga. Gaya noon, gagawa ng paraan ang pagkakataon para pagtagpuin kami ulit. Sobrang lakas ng kutob ko na mangyayari yon sa tamang panahon. Naghihintay lang ako ng tamang panahon, kung mangyayari man.

Why do I think that? You might ask. Here's why:

I still dream about him sometimes, and wake up feeling confused and heavy the entire day. I was not even thinking of him, but he will visit my dream out of nowhere.

I will remember him sometimes because of a thing, a place or anything that holds any memory of us or him.

When I am hurting, I always think of him and say to myself "kung si Anj to, he knows too well kung paano ako mahalin at kung paano ako i-handle." Or "kung si Anj to hindi niya ako sasaktan ng ganito"

Minsan bigla ko nalang siyang maalala, tapos mag-iisip ako na ano nanaman bang ibigsabihin ng lahat ng to! Ang gulo-gulo. Tapos biglang may matatanggap ako na chat or mail from him. Para bang hindi na co-incidence eh, kasi napakaimpossible naman na mabasa niya yung nasa utak ko tapos bigla siyang magpaparamdam out of nowhere.

Kapag single ako, hindi ko alam kung paanong palaging yung timing niya sobrang sakto. Bigla siyang mangangamusta or magpaparamdam lang pero mawawala siya ulit.

Napakaraming signs which are confusing me right now. Especially I wanted to enjoy being single for a long time and focus on myself. This doesn't help at all. My hopeless romantic ass are enjoying it too much.

#romance

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babyblue-mind · 1 year ago

Text

thank you sm for the tag!!!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

14,400

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supernatural, HSM, and I have 1 DPS fic!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Well I’m Still Fond Of You

Welton Academy is Beautiful at Night (i HATE this title its my first fic lmao)

Nothing To It

I Will

A Life In Your Shape

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! If you comment on one of my fics we are best friends forever

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Until It Doesn’t Hurt. Not super angsty and really short bc i dont really write angst lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

either welton acad or nothing to it! i’d say nothing to it just because im sososo proud of it

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, closest I’ve got is someone bookmarking a fic “eh” 😭

9. Do you write smut?

Nope

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not yet but I have MANY bmwnatural thoughts. I wish I had more time to write

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hopefully not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I did start planning a silly story with one of my old friends

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Way too hard!!! My fav spn ships though are destiel, sastiel, sabriel, saileen, deanbenny, midam

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

not yet titled, and i really hope i’ll finish it, but a dean/cas and sam & dean fic im working on!

actually— i have a DIFFERENT dean/cas and sam & dean fic i really like but am really stuck on. it’s like 100 words and I might just post as is.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m making improvements in dialogue and my use of literary features! I way overuse rule of thirds lmao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually sitting down to write!!! Idk what specifically to say… maybe I should think about it to improve!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Hasn’t come up in my writing yet, but yeah sure as long as I know what I’m writing isn’t poorly translated.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dead Poet’s Society!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Nothing To It is my baby!! It’s my longest fic and I’m sooo happy with it!

i will tag this later <3 but open tag!

20 Questions For Writers

Tagged by the lovely @mercurialkitty

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 10

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 61,854

3. What fandoms do you write for? Supernatural, Marvel (comics and MCU), Our Flag Means Death, Castle, 9-1-1, House MD, Psych, Malevolent Podcast, The Magnus Archives, Hermitcraft, Life Series, and Good Omens

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? A Heart Of Iron, All I Want, What happens when superheroes and Twitter mix, Turning Page, and 3am Cookies

5. Do you respond to comments? I try, but I'm kinda scared to lol

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hasn't ended yet, but AHOI is definitely my angstiest fic

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All I Want

8. Do you get hate on fics? Nope!

9. Do you write smut? Not yet, but I might if I get the right request

10. Do you write crossovers? Yup! :>

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as as far as I know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Starting the Stream was originally gonna be co-written, but that fell through

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Ooh, hard one. Probably Frostiron or Spideypool just because that's what I grew up

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Starting the Stream

16. What are your writing strengths? I will go to extreme lengths to make it accurate. All of the Old Norse in AHOI has been translated as best I could into Old Norse via an Old Norse dictionary and then transfered into the runic alphabet

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Sticking to a wip other than AHOI

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Only if I have a comprehensive online dictionary I can use and even then I only do dead languages that will be less jarring to readers if I get grammar wrong

19. First fandom you wrote for? I am very not proud of it but I wrote a (now orphaned) DSMP fic back in april 2022 that is one of the cringiest fics I have ever wrote

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? AHOI purely because of Kosto. I could go on for hours about his lore

Taglist (no pressure)

@fionaswhvre @shineforthee @babyblue-mind @outofbluecomesgreen2 @disabled-dean

@faithdeans @theresalwaysfanfiction

#tag games

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faeryarchives · 3 years ago

Note

Hi , your request are open so what about pomefiore with a

albedo like s/o

pomefiore with an albedo-like gender neutral s/o!

a genius chief alchemist known as the (last name), in pursuit of fortune and connections cannot hold a candle to their heart's desire — acquiring the limitless, obscure knowledge left behind by previous generations of scholars.

: ̗̀➛ vil schoenheit

vi have never met someone who can draw so beautifully and make their come into reality! like it will take a great amount of concentration and imagination in order to do that

you would often help each other out during alchemy classes - due to your knowledge in the subject, mister crewel let you take advance alchemy than your peers and be partnered up with vil

and the two of you would make the perfect potion that will set the standards in the third year class

"potato, shouldn't we put the tears of the mermaid first before the mandrake?"

"no, putting the mandrake will lessen the effect of the tears."

"so they still have a specific order even crewel told us order is not necessary?"

"yeah, just like that."

due to your artistic skills, the pomefiore dorm leader would definitely consult you with the silk colors that would correspond to each other for his new outfit

and honestly? vil is thankful for your company, like he could put on a face mask on you and you would just like lean back on the chair and hum while reading a novel in his room.

your presence gives him a calming effect, melting away his worries and stress from all his work and acads.

"hey (name)."

"you are welcome."

"i haven't told you anything yet?"

"i already know you for a while and i can read you like an open book."

yeah you two are still besties 🤗

: ̗̀➛ rook hunt

oh mon dieu! you look so magnificent! those (eye color) eyes and what is that diamond mark on your neck? rook is really fascinated by your identity

the hunter in him sensed that you are hiding something but he didn't confronted you about it and instead became closer to you to be your friend

being used to his antics, you could sometimes sense his gaze on you on random occasions

"what is it herbivore?"

"nothing, i can just feel rook's gaze on me from nearby."

"détenteur de secrets i trained you well. you can pass as a hunter!"

"what the hell are you doing he-"

when you team up for certain sports event, people would most likely to stay away from the two of you because rook being untouchable with the use of your solar isotoma and his view from the top - a deadly duo very true

while you serve as one of his muse, he became your model in drawing human figure, having so much reference from his exaggerated hand gestures

rook himself would gladly model some poses for you like his aiming pose whenever he hunt down something to posing like a runaway model like that

"rook, try extending your arm out more. i am trying to see something."

"like this artiste?"

"perfect! give me a minute to draw."

even though you two are still hiding your secrets from each other, rook would always be by your beck n call, ready to help you in any way while you do the same with him.

: ̗̀➛ epel felmier

epel reminds you of a certain flying creature - at first glance, you would thought that he is the quiet and shy type but once you get to know him you are in it for a ride

i would think you are closest to epel out of the pomefiore trio because you two are on the same year and epel always help you cope with your homesickness by cooking your favorite woodland dream

"interesting... you cook this daily? i rarely got to get a taste of this back home."

"ya know, baachaa back home have these different kinds of recipe and granny told me to look into them so it must be a habit."

in return you would actually help him create the apple strengthening potion that he wanted to make weaken apple trees to strengthen and even make his grandma happy

but of course you helped him by guiding him through the process while the first year does all the mixing and lifting

there was one time that he really owed you something and that is when he accidentally knock of the lambent's flower nectar

"hey epel i heard you got into trouble during class with mister crewel?"

"oh god how did the word got out so fast?!"

"don't worry i'll make sure vil will never know. i can help you in making them grow faster if you want."

"really?! you won't call me a little crybaby like the others after you help right?"

"why would i ever do that? those people will answer to the unknown."

he was amazed whenever you train with jack, despite your build, your geo vision and sword skills helped you to win several fights with the wolf

"how did ya do that?! that was so coo- you are so strong!"

"you don't need to have muscles and a big build to be strong epel, i am very honored to hear such praises from you."

epel would be interested on why you love alchemy so much and accompanies you sometimes whenever you do your experiments but there was a certain incident that left him ... horrified

needless to say, this boy sees you as his best friend who always take cover for him and ready to listen to his struggles with vil and problems with the other student treating him as if he was glass

and as the two of you would walk down the corridor, you were like his shield - just one stare from you. would make those people making fun of him to turn away and abort their plan

you 🤝 epel best of friends

#twst reader insert #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland scenarios #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst imagines #twst scenarios #faeryarchives #pomefiore #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #epel felmier #vil schoenheit x reader #rook hunt x reader #epel felmier x reader

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kkkklorraine · 5 years ago

Text

Writing this on the 3rd day of my acad break. ;D

Honestly, sobrang badly needed ng break na to. In a span of a few weeks, a lot of things happened to me.

We experienced flooding dito sa bahay. As in malala. Hanggang leeg sa kalsada and hanggang bewang sa loob ng bahay. Tbh, we were very lucky because our bedrooms were elevated so we were able to save a lot of stuff. However, almost all of our neighbors naman lost everything.

The flooding happened nung Nov 1. And thankfully nasa reading break ako n'un so i didn't have to worry much about school work... ish. You know me, i'd NEVER not worry about school haha. The week after that, I still wasn't ready to attend online classes. In terms of logistics, yes, ready na. Our house was cleaned after 3 days kasi di naman masyado nadumihan ang bahay. But mentally and emotionally.... I still can't. I made excuses so I'd not be required to attend my monday classes. Tuesday naman, my dog got sick. I would've been able to attend classes na sa afternoon pero I told them na wala akong internet kahit meron naman. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought na I went through a lot for the past week and maybe I deserved to slack off and rest kahit papano?

A week after, another typhoon naman. We were lucky na hindi na sa amin dumaan yung bagyo but also very sad for everyone that got affected. Although hindi man kami directly affected, it still took a toll on my mental health. This is why I am very thankful sa break na to. I know I might not have been able to attend classes and do my work properly kasi I was too distracted. Sobrang hirap ng panahon na to for all of us.. Honestly, I can't even write this blog post properly kasi jumbled lahat ng thoughts ko. But anyway, I hope and I pray na everything gets better soon... please haha.

#personal #2020me #kwento

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dokidokidocdee · 4 years ago

Text

le struggle

Being a student has never been easy! Every one knew that, even I, myself knew that. I was not even the type to love studying and spend the night reading a bunch of books.

HOWEVER

UNFORTUNATELY

UNEXPECTEDLY

I just found myself sitting in the class of Dr. B, teaching us the parts and functions of a tooth.

Who would have thought right? smol and quiet kid from high school who never expels on her “acads”, is now pursuing a six-year course of dentistry.

I could never believe my eyes with ten thousand fireflies~

Never I was got invested in science subjects, even with the best science teacher I had on high school with Ms. Q, I still had a hard time understanding the basics of photosynthesis and I could only remember that mitochondrion is the powerhouse of the cell. Amazing right?!

3 years from that class of Ms. Q, here I am now, A third year student of CEU-Makati Dentistry. Sitting in front of my laptop, trying too hard to understand the demonstration of my laboratory subject. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, dental students are striving hard to adapt to the newly mode of learning which is the online class. However, no matter the efforts we students and the professors make, it is still a struggle. Sure, dentistry is already a struggle, but with this kind of environment, doing loads of modules a day, back pain and strained eyes, oh I miss the old times no matter how awful the traffic we experienced.

Writing this blog is a good opportunity for myself to call out that this mode of learning is not suitable for our course. We interact with patients and does actual lab works that requires in the floor of a field clinic. I love what I am pursuing and we deserved to learn it the proper way.

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btxtreads · 5 years ago

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ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji @qtsoobin @beomberry @txtdiaries and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got 👀

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: -

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

#tags #tagging #tagged yet again #sadjkjksdajad #what a mess #im so basic wtf

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claryaastark · 5 years ago

Text

Endlessly

04162020

March 25, 1920

Dear You,

I am writing this letter just to let you know that I still miss you so much, my love. Being far from home is not easy, I made a lot of adjustments here in our dormitory. We do a lot of scheduled daily tasks, also the housemistress is very strict. I cannot eat my mom's special calderata, I don't really like the foods here, the amount is small and it tastes way too different from my mom's cooking. I miss the smell of my father's brewed coffee as I woke-up every morning. I miss the sound of the water from the Estero and the cool breeze of the wind from my window. I miss Binondo, and most importanly, you.

It's 8:30 in the evening, the housemistress will do the head count and evening checking at 9. Writing this letter for a short span of time is not easy, especially now that I am expressing how much I long for you. I still remember the first time that we met. I was riding the Kalesa with ate Maria, on the Calle Escolta. And I saw you lifting a sack of flour on the famous Pan De Sal bakery. You held my hand and help me get down from the Kalesa to get the orders from your shop. And that moment of time, I fell inlove with you. I remember the times when I used to sneak from our house's window during dark and we are going to ride the boat and roam along the Estero de Binondo. You are holding my hand, and we are both hoping not to get caught. As we look at the stars above, and the moon shines through us. We used to do a morning walk on the Calle Real Palacio and enjoy the scent of the fresh Kalachuchi. You also love to pick a pink gumamela, and put it beside my ears while telling me how lovely I am and how much you want to be with me.

I can't also forget the time that you held the guitar and sing for me in the Plaza Moraga during the town's feast. I was so happy that time and I feel like I was the luckiest woman in the world. You held my hand, and asked for the permission of my parents. And we danced. We danced under the stars while you speak to me, telling me how beautiful I am that night, telling me how much you appreciate me. After that, you ask me to marry you and I said yes. We were just so happy.

But the world is uncertain and things always change. Two months before our wedding day, a letter came to me. I was accepted by my dream university here in Baguio City. This is something that I've been waiting for a very long time, this is my dream. But chasing this dream for myself also means losing you. And I don't want that to happen. I tried not to chase this dream for myself and just be happy with you. But you pushed me, you pushed me to do this for myself. You made me choose this dream instead of you. It's hard, but you promised that you will wait for me. Even if it takes forever.

But promises are meant to be broken. I know that you won't read this letter and there is no chance of seeing you again. But I want you to know, that I still mourn for you. That I will never have the chance to move on and get over from that night. That night when a letter came to me telling that you died from an accident. It still feels like a dream to me. All our hopes, all of the things that we planned together were just gone, in a snap. I can't do anything, I can't force things to happen. It hurts, I still cry every night my love. I miss you so much. And writing this letter is just my way to live in a dream. A dream that you and I are still together. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then, let's say goodbye I see you in another life. You will always be my love, my life and my everything. I know that will meet again, someday. Someday.

Forever Your Love

Today is March 25, 1970. It was so weird that I saw this letter out of nowhere while cleaning my dorm. And upon reading this, I didn't notice that I was already crying. I can feel the pain of the woman who wrote this. I don't know who this person is, nor the ending of their story but I hope that she found her happiness.

I pick the letter and put it on the box of my stuff. I insert my newly purchased CD on the Sylvania console stereo. This is a gift from my father before I left Cebu to study here in Baguio city. He knows so well that I love music so much and it was some sort of magic that makes me feel comforted. I played Let It Be, the last song that was released by my favorite band, The Beatles. Two weeks had passed since Paul McCartney stated that he is leaving the band. It was heart breaking especially for me, who is a big fan of this band. Sadly, I prepare for my morning class while listening to their last song.

Long day was over. Everything is just typical. Acads, people, routine. Though it was still tiring. I am a Fine Arts student in University of The Philippines here in Baguio City. Living an independent life is not easy. I miss my family so much, I miss my mom's cooking, my dad's silly joke as we spend our time under the mango tree during siesta. I miss my friends in Cebu, the sea, the farm. I miss everything about my home. The sun is setting and I am walking along the busy street of the Session Road while wearing my earphones. I decided to eat my dinner alone on Inihaws, my favorite restaurant here. While eating my dinner, I noticed a boy who keeps staring at me. I tilted my body to block his view, it feels awkward and creepy. As I continue to eat my food, I can see on my peripheral vision that he is still staring at me. I heaved a sigh and look directly to his eyes, I waved my hand and patted the seat beside me. Asking him to come and sit.

“What are you staring at?" I asked arrogantly.

He pouted his lips, pointing my plates and artworks. Ah, so he's looking at my artworks.

“What about them?" I asked him.

“They're nice and classic, I love them. Fine arts?" He talks so manly and attractive, uhh?

“Yup. There is just something that I saw this morning which inspired me for my plate today"

I explained as we both looked on the sketch of a woman riding a Kalesa, and a man who is holding her hand, they are both alive and smiling. They are the people on the letter that I read this morning.

The conversation went smoothly. I found out that he is an Architecture student on Saint Louis University, we are both into arts. I got no stuff to do this evening, so I decided to go with him as he asked me to have an evening walk along the Session Road. We talk about our interest, arts, music, things that we are fond of. We got a lot of things in common. He talks a lot, and I like how quick-witted he is as he tells a lot of jokes. We didn't notice the hour, it was already 10 in the evening. I do not as well, but I don't feel scared on this man that I just met few hours ago. I feel comfortable and we have this sort of connection like we knew each other on the past. We spent the night telling each other's story. We went to his small art room, and he painted me. He ask me to hold a plastic flower as I smile while he is painting me. It seems like I met a stranger, and this whole night is like a fairy-tale.

It was already 3 in the morning, we are sitting on the grass while we look on the city lights below. It was so beautiful. As well as the man beside me, he is lovely. I didn't ask for his name but it feels like I already know him so well. He tilted his head on my direction and caught me staring at him, he smiled and out of nowhere, his face turns sad.

“I'm married" he said.

I was shocked. I was hurt, and there is something that stings on my chest.

“I know you since we were freshmen, I first saw you sketching on the Inihaws. You are alone and you seem so committed with your passion. I find it so adorable, the way you move your hand, the way you put your hair on the side of your ears. The way you frown your forehead as you make some mistakes. I fell in love with you, the first time I saw you. Since then, I always follow you. I see you walking on the street while wearing your earphones. I always see you eating alone on the Inihaws. I always see you smiling on the street vendors, you are adorable as you say your good morning to them. And when I finally decided to introduce and show myself to you. My mom from Sagada called me. Asking me to come home. That day, I went home to Sagada. I saw my ex-girlfriend, and she has a child — our child. We were a stubborn, inlove teenagers during high school. We broke up just like a typical puppy love story. But I didn't know, that I got her pregnant. My son is already two years old when she showed up. She can't raise our child alone, so she decided to tell it to me and my family. Two months after, we get married."

My heart is aching as I listened to his story, I feel bad for him, I feel bad for us. I didn't speak a word. I just let myself stare on the city lights below. I can't process my thoughts right now. Feels like the fairytale is finally over. Surprisingly, he held my hand.

“I love my son, he is the reason why I am working hard to become an Architect. I love her mother, but not the way that I love you from a far. I fell in love with you and you deserve to know it. I was so happy loving you from afar, and thank you for that. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then, let's say goodbye I see you in another life, Stella"

He called my name, and he left.

Those were the last thing that he said that night. And I never saw him again. Maybe, maybe someday we will have the chance to love each other not just from afar. We will be together, someday.

March 25, 2020. This is it, this is the day that me and friends are finally seeing each other! After one year of not meeting everyone because of College, we're finally going out today. We chose the art exhibit as a venue for our date today. I'm excited! I kissed my mom as I went downstairs for breakfast, she teased me that our plan for today will be cancelled because of my excitement. I love my mom so much but sometimes, I hate her for ruining my moments hmp. I eat my favorite egg roll and decided to ignore her.

The time is 2:30 in the afternoon. I am already prepared for today's meeting. I drove the car and play my classic OPM playlist. I love music so much, and I can't live without it. Kamikazee's Tagpuan is currently playing, I bang my head and sang along with the melody of the song. It's 4 in the afternoon when I arrived at the venue. It is odd because I see no familiar face here. I opened my phone to ask where they are, and found out that the exhibit plan was cancelled during the last minute. And they decided to just eat on the restaurant nearby our place. I don't know what to feel, I feel bad for not checking my phone before leaving the house. I feel bad for being excited, mom is right. I don't know but I kinda felt lazy to go on the restaurant near our place because I traveled to get here for 2 hours. My excitement just all went down. I get in the car and think. Upon fighting with my thoughts I decided to just stay here and continue the exhibit plan, alone. It is a new experience though.

I went inside and everything feels amazing. I’m not an artsy kind of person, I don’t have any talents in art but one thing is sure — I really do appreciate art. I love to spend my time on looking at the green grass outside, the blue sky above and the beauty of nature. I do love aesthetic things because it reminds me that despite of being cruel, beautiful things on this world still exist. The ambience is nice, the people are few but I can see that they are enjoying the paintings inside the hall. I walk and took a photograph of the artworks. After that, I posted it on my instagram story and send it to our group chat to tell them that I can’t make it on our dinner anymore. And I decided to just stay here and stick to the original plan.

I roam around the hall and appreciate the beauty of art. While walking, a painting caught my attention. It was a woman with curly hair, and she was smiling from ear to ear. She was wearing a floral dress and holding a piece of rose. The woman seems so happy and I can feel the genuine emotion of the one who painted it. Is her boyfriend the one who painted her? It was romantic. Suddenly, I feel something weird and unexplainable on my chest, I can really feel something on this painting. Something that is connected with me.

“It was nice and classic, isn’t it lovely?”

I was shocked when someone has spoken out of nowhere, I tilted my head on the direction of the voice, it was a man. He was wearing a black shirt, and he is holding a camera. He is smiling sincerely while looking at the painting, weird but it seems like the voice came from the painting itself.

“Uhh yes. This painting feels so real and sincere. I can feel the emotion of both the painter and the subject” I said while looking directly at the painting. And I was smiling.

Our conversation went smoothly, and it seems like I found an instant date. He talks a lot and I found out that we were on the same University. He is an Engineering student, and he loves to play the guitar. I felt fascinated because I was attracted with men who are inclined to music. We roam around the hall and we were just so happy. Finally, long day is over and we bid our good byes. But before that, he asked for my phone number.

Oh shoot. I forgot to ask his name. But nevermind, I still have a lot of chance to meet him again. I smiled as my phone beeps and I got a text message from an unknown number.

“Take care, I had a good time. See you around” -Mr. Engineer

That’s the text message. I went home with a big smile on my face, the date with my friends have been cancelled. But I found a new experience today. Something more happy, and amazing. I lay in bed and look at the ceiling of my room along with its fake galaxy. I smiled as I remember the man that I met few hours ago. While giggling, I replied on his text message.

“Good night, Mr. Engineer! Had a good time too” -Ms. Psychologist.

To sum it up, we talk on the phone everyday. He always made my day, he always make me smile. He jokes a lot and he had a lot on his mind. He is quick-witted and very manly. After a few weeks of talking, I admit that I already had a crush on him. Along with that, we decided to spend our time together. And as time passed by, I am knowing him more and more.

We had the same interest in almost everything. We watched the same movies together. We listen to our favorite songs. We eat our favorite foods. Though we never share any of our favorite foods, especially him who can fight with anyone who touches his food, even me. We travelled places to taste various delicacies. We went to church regularly to pray. He became a part of my everyday. He loves picking a flower and putting it on the side of my ears. He loves playing the guitar for me.

It was really nice, to found someone who appreciates every little thing on you. Someone who can lend his ears and shoulder to listen. Someone who can cheer you up whenever you are feeling down. He loves kissing me, but loves hugging me more. I felt home and safe on his arms. It was weird but there is something that is telling me, that we really had the connection and we knew each other a very long time ago. All that he made me feel was something new. It was my first time, to fall inlove with someone. I had no doubts and regrets.

But the world is always uncertain, there are lots of things that we are unsure, so is us. We are just happy, and then in just a snap we parted our ways, and we fell apart. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then let’s say good bye, I see you in another life. I know that he is a blessing from God, and whatever it takes. We will meet again, someday.

Parang isang panaginip, Ang muling mapagbigyan, tayo ay muling magkasama.

Panatag na ang kalooban ko, At ika’y kapiling ko na Kay tagal kitang hinintay

I smiled as this classic song by Spongecola played on my car’s stereo. Today is 25th of March, 2025. And I am finally seeing him again. I smiled, a nervous smile mixed with excitement.

It was weird because last night, as I was fixing my stuff in our Ancestral house in Bagac, Bataan, I saw an old box . It was a collection of CDs, some of the albums are from The Beatles. And I saw a very old letter, the pen was already disappearing and it was already stained. The letter was from March 25, 1920. It was very old ; a hundred and five years ago. Along with the letter, I also saw an artwork. A sketch of a woman riding a Kalesa, and a man who is holding her hand, they are both alive and smiling on this artwork. I asked mom about this stuff, and she said that it belongs to my great grandmother, Stella. It was her stuff during her college days on Baguio City.

Anyway, after the very long wait. I am finally seeing him again.

The hall is full of people. I am wearing a red polka dots dress, I know that black is his favorite color but I want to show him something new. It seems like I was lost in the crowd and I can’t see him anywhere. But as I was walking through the sea of people, someone held my hand and whispered.

“You look so beautiful, baby. You never changed” I got teary-eyed as I heard his voice. Oh God, I miss him so much. I miss this man. The man that I lost and the same man that I found again. The long wait is over, we finally have the chance to be with each other. I hugged him tight, the only man that I ever loved, love and I will love wherever and whenever.

“Baby, I’m no angel, I’m just me. But I will love you endlessly” those were the words that I whispered through his ear.

“We parted our ways together, we fell apart but fate will always make a way for us. Time will always tell. In another place, in another time, we will always be together, our love is endless”

Words that I said, while directly looking into his eyes.

It’s 25th of March, year 2030. And today is our wedding day.

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itsjusta · 4 years ago

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TAAS2 NI DOEEE HEHEHE READ EVERYTHING HUUUH!!

Feb 15 (Mon)

i got so busy in da hapon doe 🥺 i cleaned da cr huhu im so kapoyyy and then i felt a little kulbaan doeee cos nag huna2 ko sako sched sa mon-wed dis week issa so busy doeee :((( i have to do pa today one assignment and then practice for our prelims then finalize half of my midterms theeeen study for ur philo HAHAHAHAH aissshhh i also feel very kahilakon doeee idk and my arms kay murag ga kurog2 doe :(( aish im too busy for these feelings!!!!

4:15 pm —— i was doing my assignment but idkkkk my heart is beating fast jd doeee and my arms feel numb and ga kurog2 and i have this kulbaan feeling :((( UGH issa need to take a break :(( also wanna cry but i cant cry doeee but i eventually cried na dayon doeee

i also didnt continue to work nalang doeee issa i dont feel well physically and emotionally hahahha 😟 im back to working doe and i cried a looootttt cos im writing about love HAHAHAH

but the practice was cancelled sooo i started na my surprise for u para mas less2 ako i do ugmaaa i started na the peanut butter bars unta lang di ma epic fail uyyy or basin di diay ta mag kita sa wed hilak ko!!!!

Feb 16 (Tues)

issa wake up ko so early kay gi wake up ko sako groupmates and aishhhh so busy na dayon mi prac and do sa amo midterms!!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ and i’m so sleepy na gyd doeee huhu

so kapoy ni nga day doe cos whole day atubang sa screen issa maka drain doe and maka labad sa head issa wa gyd ko na do nga acads kay mag utro pami reshoot so sayang effort but sge nalang doeee huhuhu alsooo excited for my surprise tooom hope u like it :((((

Feb 17 (Wed)

Woke up at 7:30!!! so early so sayo pd ko nag cook for your giftsss and for our lunch hehehe im always excited to cook for u doe and give u gifts 🥺🥺🥺 and aishhh im really happy doe that u still laag hereee issa when i’m with u i feel safe gyd doe 🥺🥺🥺 u give me so much comfort gyd doe thank u sooo much 🥺🥺 even though u dont say it, i know u care a lot for me gyd doeee (or maybe assuming lang ko hahahah) but aishhh thank u for keeping me in your life :((

i’m sorry i cried a lot doeee huhu idk also but aishhh its hard for me to let go of you gyd doeee and moments like this issa makes me realize na i still have so much love for u gyd doe :((( issa both tears of joy and sadness man to kanina!! hahahha im happy na u still make time for me doeee and im happy gyd that i get to be with youuu but also sad cos aishhh issa i know everything is so hard gyd doe and usahay ra au ta makauban huhu what i said was true doeee that i will endure everything basta its for ur happiness!! hehhe u know i’ve endured sooo much the past months but i never got angry with u gyd doeee cos i know u were happy man with your decisions!!! heheh i can never hold bad feelings for u gyd doeee my heart is just full of gratitude and love for u!!!! i just want u to be happy saimo life doeee career, acads, family life, with friends, and saimo gf doeee heheh even though its so sakit for me but i just want gyd na mahappy ka heheh and aishhh im happy gyd doe nga part pako saimo lifeee 🥺🥺 im happy that u talk to me pa doeee and that i still get to be with youuu heheh makes me happy that you’re there for me whenever i have chikaaa!!!! thankkkkk youuu eriiiiccc!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

and giving gifts is one way i can show how much i appreciate you doeee :((( and thank youuuu for making me feel cared for and special :((( issa u always make me feel lyk dat gyd doeee with ur hugs and kisses thank u :(((( and aish i get so soft for u gyd doe esp when u cry huhuhu dont cry na ok!!!! i’m happy this way man heheh i’m happy doe that u still let me show my love for u and im happy and grateful that u keep me in ur life doe 🥺 i just always hope and pray that my heart can endure watching u love another doe just until i can move on hehe and i think my heart is getting stronger naman doe but aish there are just times gyd that i cannot kaya it heheh but das okay ryttt!! thank youuu kaayo for coming here doeee thank u for giving me your time and for the effort!!! i appreciate it so much doe cos i know its hard gyd to come visit me with your situation now but u still make time for me gyddd thank youuuuu 😭😭😭❤️❤️

anddd how r u doe??? maulaw ko ask in person doe idk why :((( i hope you’re okay lang also haaaa maybe hurting napd ka there :((( i want u to be genuinely happy doeee and i will also get there soon!! apas rako!!! ❤️

Feb 18 (Thurs)

started my day early cosss we had to shoot sa gmeet doeee heheh its a nice day doe idk why!! the weather is nice heheh also i chika to u about khalid doeee hahaha shhh lang ok!!! 🤣 issa i got scared doe i just inbox zone him HAHAHHAHA di jd ko ga entertain ug mga laki doeee cos i dont have gana gyd to talk to others doe!! issa just want to be single lang gyd doeee cos di pako ready also wa pa gani ko ka move on!!! hahahahha

dis day was nice and chill lang doeee i did ur finman hehhe and had an exam dayooon and watched kdrama with mom!! pa tatt nako toooom OMGGG are u excited for me too?!!

Feb. 19 (Fri)

got my first tatt ommgggg it was sakit doeee but kaya lang!!! heheh i was also so excited to chika gyd to u doeee but i know galaag ka busa i have to wait doeee :((( aish issa ka cry dayon ko cos why am i so excited to talk to someone na naay lain priority :((( HMP KALUOY BA AYA!! HAHHAHA but aishhh issa i prefer lang like dis doe kesa i will pugos myself to entertain and talk to others issa cannot gyd doe cos i really dont have the gana hehhe just letting myself cry and maoy now doeee it’s just times like these when i realize how painful this situation is doe

also read this quote on ig dayon nga “I suppose I’ll just keep loving you, until one day it ends.” 🥺🥺 aish made me cry again cos i think this is what i’m gonna do gyd doeee and i hope u just let me love you until then doeeee 🥺 be happy and inlove with another doeee i’ll just be by your side loving you hehe and thank u for letting me love you and be in ur life!!! i dont think my love for u will end doe but u know what i mean hehe thank u cos u not shutting me out or pushing me away hehehe issa i’m sorry i always sorry doeee its just dat i feel like i’m putting u in a bad place :(( but ahhh i appreciate you so much doe and everything u do for me!! :((( thank u also for being so supportive and appreciative for meee aishhhh thank u for making me feel special 😭

Feb 20 (Sat)

happy marriage anniv to ur parents doeee!!! hehehe

woke up at 9:30 then cooked carbonara hehe gitiwas nalang nako pasta smol nalang maaan tired ko uy hehe issa rest day also today from acads doeee issa uban man ko there ila ate sweet and issa tambay2 lang ko there doeee tas pag uli so tayurd ko ka nap ko sa byahe and sa house kadjot hehe then at night watch lang ko kdrama sa room ni mom hehehe issa i like having no acads to do!!

Feb 21 (Sun)

soooo tugnaaaaw cos there’s a bagyo i woke up at 10 na!!! issa grabe ako kurog2 uy heheheh ion like dis weather issa so colddd dili ko ka lihok2 ug ayo cos tugnaw!!

issa also cried today cos aish i remembered our memories doeee and how we were so clingy with each other esp me 🥺🥺 issa like di jd ta agwanta not mag kita dugay doe and di pd ta sumhan sa each other hahahaha we were sumpay tinae gyd!!! aishh idk dali ra gyd kyko maka cry basta maka think ko about you or about sato past doeee issa aish cannot contain gyd emotions :((( and even if now i dont get the same effort from u doe its okaaay becos i chose this man pddd i chose to be in your life gihapon hhehe and aishhh lets just sulit dis doeee i want to sulit pd nga maka talk pako saimoha cos maybe a year from now dili na doeee!! maybe pila ka months imo nako i shoo shoo saimo life!!!! hhahahah but thank u doeee cos i know u want to keep me in ur life gihapon bahala lisod 🥺🥺 thank u im touched huh!!!

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clear-claireclare · 5 years ago

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Everything will work out.

Just a month ago, I thought I could not pass the required plates on time (and complete) but, hey, I did!

I am just so so grateful these past few days for my family and my friends. I am also grateful for my position in my org— one of the things that kept me sane lol. And also, may I also add the fact that even though acads are heavy right now, what we are studying is really really interesting (and important too when it comes to designing).

But, when all of them come together, it can just feel a bit overwhelming.

Nevertheless, I am still grateful that I am alive. I am enrolled in a great uni. I am grateful for this life given to me. And I am grateful that I am learning and growing.

More than a year ago, I can't even pick up a pencil/pen and just draw something. I don't even know shades and shadows. I just render whatever. But now, I can. And that's a fcking achievement.

That may seem small to some but it reminds me of what I can do when I just want it. The reason why I chose a design program is because I wanted to design with a purpose. When I was in highschool, I was just fascinated by how much of everything we see around us is actually for a purpose (Churches are gigantic because it represents God and the reason why it has high ceilings is for the people to look up to God, etc.)

I am just fascinated by how design shapes our actions. Like for example, a interior design professor at SoFA once shared how her client asked to remove the dining table in the redesign of their house because their family never used it anyway. Her children eat on their own on their respective bedrooms and just comes out to bring out the dishes. So, that interior design prof told us that that is where design will impact their lives. Through design, we can think of ways on how we could help the family bond with each other. (The professor suggested that none of the kids bedrooms would have an outlet so they have no choice but to hangout in the living area and eat by the dining table lol)

While I almost opt-in for ID program, I got much more interested on the breadth of the architecture program. I'm not sure what I would like to focus on in the future so, I learn what I can learn while I'm in uni. Doing my best everytime.

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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784

What's one thing you really want right now? I want mass testing in my country so that we can actually reach some fucking progress. All they made us do was stay at home for two months and now they’re starting to reopen malls and public places are starting to crowd up again - how was quarantining ourselves supposed to fix anything? Is there anything you're looking forward to? Getting my thesis ready for binding!!! Andrew and I are soooo close to wrapping it up and our adviser has just been giving us super minor edits because we’re pretty much good to go. I’ll just wait for the green light from her so I can finally heave a huge sigh of relief. Are you in love? Yes I am. Is love even existent at your age? I mean...yes? Love doesn’t always have to be romantic, and I’ve always been surrounded by it through relatives and friends. When was the last time you exercised enough to break a sweat? That would be my last PE class, which was last March. I don’t exercise outside of PE lol.

Have you been annoyed at someone/something today? Lol yep well I’m super irritable and I always get annoyed with at least one thing everyday. Today it was over how hot it’s back to being. We had one sweet day of rains and thunderstorms last week and I actually wrapped myself in a blanket and had my electric fan on low and it was the besssssst. Now we’re back to having uncomfortably humid and 42C days. Are you avoiding anybody at the moment? Yeah. Rita messaged me a reminder about a survey that we have to take within the org, but I hadn’t taken it yet. As much as I love the org, I’m so over that chapter at this point and I honestly can’t care any less about stuff they’re still making us accomplish. Is rap your favorite genre of music? No it’s not. I like some of it, but very seldom will I feel like looking up rap songs on Spotify. Have you ever used someone to get what you truly wanted? No. I don’t call it using, I call it asking for help to be able to submit stories for my journalism classes lol. There’ve been times I’ve had to tap high school classmates I haven’t talked to in a while, knowing that they will be a good source for whatever article I’m writing. It’s for acads and business is business, so over the years I’ve learned to not be chicken about it and just reach out if I need something from them. I know I would do the same and happily be interviewed if I can be a source for anything. Are you one of those people that gets jealous easily? I have my days, but generally I feel envious more often. What was your favorite show as a kid? Hi-5 when I was much younger, Spongebob when I got a little older, and Drake and Josh when I got a liiiiiiittle bit older. Do you get along with your whole family? I get along with everyone, but the least with my mom. With her, we get along just enough to not like, pull each other’s hair on a daily basis. It’s the bare minimum and I’m fine with it and I have no interest in getting closer to her. When was the last time you were sick? January 2017. What's one thing you want to tell somebody right now? “You can’t keep fucking doing that” How are you today? Partly giddy because we made final edits on our thesis today, and also partly giddy because I just learned that my mom has been asked to report to work again starting tomorrow and I cannot waaaaiiiittttttt to have a full day without her at home again after two months. Imagine not being yelled at or criticized or scowled at or judged??? Love that for me, love that for my family. Has anybody close to you passed away in the last six months? Angela’s grandmother passed away last month. I wasn’t close to her per se but she was always the first person I saw whenever I’d come over her place, and I’d ask for mano and she’d go on to ask me how my day’s been, how school’s been, so I was also crushed when I found out. Have you ever lasted a relationship longer then two months? Yes. At the moment, what's your favorite song? Hayley Williams’ Why We Ever is probably gonna be my favorite for a long time. Are you obsessed with anything? Not really. I think I’m mostly done with my fangirling/fandom years hahaha it was fun while it lasted, but I’m generally just a casual fan of the things I’m into now, like Beyoncé or Paramore or wrestling. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? I haven’t heard a single bad thing about it unless it’s coming from traditional boomer politicians in the country, so yeah why not. I heard it has medicinal purposes too, so I don’t even know why its legalization is even up for debate. I gotta be honest though and say I don’t know much about it to be any more passionate or stronger in my stance. Is it safe to walk around your neighborhood at night? Only because I live in a gated village. I wouldn’t walk along the highway just right outside. If you could visit any state/country you wanted, where would you go? Chicago, USA. If money weren't an object, what would you do with your life? ^ Go to Chicago. And proceed to travel to the other places also on my bucket list. Are you a fan of heights? I’m not a ‘fan,’ I just don’t have a phobia of it and don’t mind if I’m way up somewhere. What is the last compliment you recieved? Andrew told me I was smart. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 9. I know there are much quicker typers than me, but I know I can type fast myself too. Is there an instrument you can/wish you could play? Piano and violin. Are you artistic at all? Not at all. Why do you take surveys? It’s my way of journaling and it also allows me to release tension or stress or anguish when it’s necessary. Also, very few people do it so I find it private enough that I’m able to share with people interested in reading answers, but not to the point that the audience is overwhelmingly large. Where are you? I am on the couch in our living room, which never allows me to have proper posture lol. What is your goal in life? To end up being happy with who I eventually become.

Do you enjoy tanning? I don’t really need to do this because I’m already quite tan, but sure it’s fun to sunbathe whenever I’m at the beach so I can get even darker and have an obvious fresh-off-the-beach look when I get back to the city haha. Is everything going your way right now? Obviously not. Ugh. What's one aspect of your life that you want to change? There is one glaring aspect in life that I’m sure everyone wants to have changed, but we don’t have any control over it at the moment. Do you text more then you talk on the phone? For sure. Is music a big portion of your life? Not really. I’ll have music on when I’m driving, when a favorite artist puts new material out, when I’m rewriting notes from class...but that’s it. I find music to be a bit distracting, especially when I’m writing or working. Does anybody call you 'baby'? Yes. Is there someone you want, but can't have? Nope. Have you ever broken the law? Yeah dude, just look at my hard drive and all the movies and shows I have on there lmaooooo Are you scared to grow old? I’m scared of the mounting responsibilities that are slowly making themselves known as I’m inching closer to graduating, but I’m not afraid of growth and new people and new experiences.

#survey #surveys

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