#what i consider a more concise version of their sound first

[tedzyrotten]

it is so intensely interesting to me to watch people’s reactions to sleep token because i feel as though the journey differs based on what you listened to first

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Every writer seems to have their own words to go seek out and destroy during line edits. A lot of them are pretty common: "just", "was", present progressive tense, "now", "suddenly", etc.

One of mine is "there was/there were/there is/there are"

You almost never need it. Virtually the only times I keep it are in dialogue, because that's when it sounds most reasonable. But mostly? It's dead weight of words that aren't doing anything and could be doing....well, anything.

Example from today:

Same amount of words, in this case, but instead of the records simply...existing...someone was keeping them. Pretty small, simple change. And yet slightly more info. Slightly better read.

A bigger change! This change focuses more attention on "the he" and his experience. It actually describes the situation, instead of the situation simply. Happening.

This cut more than just "there were" this time, but the overall effect is more concise, more to the point, more urgency. Less meandering. Good.

Hey, look at that. I took out the tunnel simply existing and added why the tunnel existing was even relevant.

More specific, more relevant.

Shorter, more concise.

You can see in these last couple examples that a lot of what "there were" is doing in sentences is not quite passive--technically, the "there" is doing the acting of. Um. Existing. And yet it's just as meaningless and just as weaselly and just as worthless to keep most of the time.

I look at the original piece of the dialogue compared to what I changed it to and want to punch the first version in the face for taking forever to say something.

"No other place" is just much more evocative to me than "there wasn't another." Because. Fuck the phrase "there were."

"There was a time" oh shut the fuck up, Character, why are you speaking like a pretentious asshole from an old movie.

Fuck off, Marr, why did you even write that first sentence like that.

Anyway, perhaps you, like I, got fed up with the way these sentences read the more of them you were forced to see.

Perhaps you, like I, will consider consigning this phrase to hell.

[lemongrass--tea]

Good morning and Happy Friday! You are an incredible artist! I've been browsing your work (on here and on Pillowfort!) and I am amazed by your mastery of anatomy and how you infuse character in each of your pieces.

First, I saw through the #sdv elliott tag how you were asking about drawing other fans' farmers. If you're still interested, I happily offer up mine! You can DM me for references if you so desire.

Second, I want to know more about Elliott and Connor. What's Connor's story? How did he and Elliott get together? What do they love best about each other?

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I've inferred from some of your art that he is a tengu, or at least a related entity. That's so neat! Tell me more about that. 😁👍

Hee hee heee this came out so long lmao I tried to be concise but I’ve written the epistle of Connor and Elliott lore😩

(And I would love to draw your farmer I’m gnawing at the bars of my enclosure like a rabid animal)

Connor is certainly similar to a tengu in the sense that what he’s based on is a similar mischievous spirit fae species type thing. I combined two Caribbean myths for him, chickcharnie and gaulin wife.

Linked some info on the two, but I’ll say the gaulin wife telling here isn’t the exact one that I remember, there’s this one telling that has a song in it that the wife sings “oh what a foolish man, he married the gaulin” BUT IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR WEEEEKS I can’t find it it might be lost media🥲. I also can’t remember the EXACT way that version went since I heard last it when I was like- 11 lmao. But the concept is pretty much what’s in this version.

SO that gets us to Connor, I wanted him to have the whole monster bird fae elements of the chickcharnie to have a reason to be feared or distrusted by his home town, but I also REALLY love herons (hence the gaulin bride) and the whole jingle from that tale. So I was like, what if everyone around them (mostly from Connor’s home life because bird man cryptid is par for the course in pelican town I think lmao) would think Elliott to be like, crazy for wanting to be with a fae. So they’re like a twist on the myth where instead of the man seeing this perfect spouse that turns out to be a trick, everyone else EXPECTS a trick but they’re just hopelessly in love.

I hope that makes sense

So Connor has 2 sisters, Cara his “twin” and Khipz their younger sister. If you’ve ever seen that writing prompt where a fae asks a mother to pick which is their real child vs the fae’s copy and she responds like “they’re both my children” that’s kind of what happens here. I think it fits considering chickcharnie are known for like, kidnapping and luring little kids into the pine forest, fun stuff, so a baby swap sounds about right.

The real twin was stillborn/terminally ill, but their mother has connections to the local fae through her family (grandpa from the actual canon) having a good relationship through the time they lived in the valley. So she begs for a way to save the kid, and they grant this favor by doing a little swap, they take the baby and give her Connor.

The father is not quite so tolerant to fae activity, so he DOES NOT vibe with Connor, pretty much seeing him as like not really theirs, but ofc Connor’s a baby he has no way to understand the hostility here. But he’s willing to let him pass as long as he’s able to keep up appearances. This man is all about reputation and appearance, he wants that white picket fence life, hes a major business man in their town he expects perfection. But the cultural context of the fae being dangerous and uncontrollable he does not want people to know that he’s connected to that. So they raise Connor to suppress his magic and such, he has to keep up appearances as fully human, perfect little identical copy of his twin (which includes being raised feminine since the original expectation was two girls so that’s what Connor’s default appearance was)

At a point though a kids going to start developing their own persona, so once he hits teen years he’s not really comfortable being constrained to copying Cara. He’s allowed to shift his presentation to his current male presentation, but it does kinda throw a wrench in his dad’s perception of him. Every disagreement and every personal decision is more and more strain as Connor’s less willing to conform, which raises his dad’s concerns about his nature as a fae. Not to mention he becomes more of a liability reputation wise because the harder he tries to control Connor the harder he pushes back, babe is prone to reckless behavior (but really in the childlike skipping class and launching a dirtbike off a ramp into a lake or something way), and their dad does NOT know how to handle it besides meeting that energy with anger especially if he’s roping his sisters into his antics.

ENTER STAGE RIGHT OUR BABYGIRL ELLIOTT

I love the concept of him being an ex-trust fund rich kid that left to pursue his own desires. So they meet in like 9th grade or so, when their parents are meeting to discuss whatever business deal they’ve got going on. And they hit it off so much cuz they’re both starting to explore being their own person and discontentment with expectations and conformity, but at this point Connor does not tell him that he is not human due to fear that he might have the same disdain that his own dad has, especially considering even his SISTERS don’t know. His mother’s been telling him all these years you can’t let anyone know, we don’t want anyone to get hurt right? It’s just not the right time, I imagine there’s an element of him fearing HIMSELF a fair amount, especially since he’s not in practice of taking his bird forms. All of his focus goes into keeping that side of himself suppressed.

But time passes and yknow young love, they’re close friends and romantic feelings start showing up, they end up sharing their first kiss and Connor is unable to stop himself from just letting all those inhibitions go. He suddenly sprouts little baby feathers and the starting nubs where his horns would grow in, tail wagging a mile a minute, but while Elliott’s taking this in because WHAT HAPPENED Connor’s dad finds them in whatever room they’d snuck off to and man is LIVID because as far as he’s concerned his biggest insecurity just got outed and being fresh to his investors son, what are they gonna think of him, so improper, how dare you. He gets dragged off to get berated and such and gets banned from being allowed anywhere near the company lest he cause more problems.

Elliott loses contact because like, neither of them have any means of contact and then he gets sent off to a boarding school to finish high school, and he brushes off the whole thing in his memory like maybe I was just hallucinating. Fae aren’t common around the city so he wouldn’t be too aware of that being an option.

Connor has the whole thing in the back of his mind like oh he probably freaked out and hates me now just like father dearest said he would, especially since Elliott never got the chance to react beyond the initial shock.

DECADE PASSES

I mentioned before in his last lore post that there’s more mounting hostility and eventually Connor decides to cut off completely, his mom gives him grandpas land so he moves to pelican town.

And like imagine his shock to see Elliott there, standing on that bridge, he’s internally freaking out then he turns and smiles at him with the opening line “oh you must be the new farmer everyone’s talking about, it’s a pleasure” and he politely kisses his knuckles and it’s like a complete parallel to their first kiss where he just loses it all over again. And like in that time he’s had other relationships other flings, and he thought he was in complete control because NEVER after that first time did he ever have a slip up again, then Elliott comes along and just KNOCKS EVERY WALL DOWN with a fleeting GREETING of all things.

Then there’s like this pause of realization from Elliott of oh my god it’s you.

I’m so unwell for them. Elliott gets his proper explanation of him and it’s like, the first time he’s not pressured to have to hide himself anymore, he thinks it’s **fascinating** and beautiful not something to be feared and reigned back. So they get to rekindle that long lost friendship and all those feelings come tumbling back into the equation.

They definitely build their relationship off emotional support and shared experience, two bros against the world frfr

[sunbloomdew]

my olba mc timeline!

introducing my darling buttercup, Haru Nakamura :D

finally i can post this! i'm very happy to talk about a character i have been working on since may haha. does that mean they are fully cooked? let's talk about something else :) insert why do they call you babygirl meme

you don't wanna know how long was the process of making this one drawing,,,, 1/10, would do it again no question, but god did that take time. here's the sketch for comparison :]

(hopefully) short and concise description of each step below + a couple of songs that i assign to each step, from their playlist because i can and i will

ʰᵃʰᵃʰᵃʰʰᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ ᵗᵘʳⁿˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ⁱ ʷʳᵒᵗᵉ ᵃ ᵇⁱᵗ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ʰᵃʰᵃʰʰᵃᵃʰ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵃˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰⁱˢ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵐʸ ʰᵃⁿᵈ ⁱⁿ ᵐᵃʳʳⁱᵃᵍᵉ ᵇᵗʷ

now before i move to each step, i want to take a moment to talk about Haru's name. they are japanese american (their biological parents were both japanese people who moved to california) so i wanted them to have a japanese name.

first their birth name, Kaito. i picked this [快仁] way of writing it. 快 means "pleasant, comfortable, agreeable" and 仁 means "humanity, benevolence and kindness". i chose it as their birth name because of a few reasons:

first, some other ways of writing this name include a kanji that means "ocean, sea". it's an obvious connection to the setting of olba, as well as the character's deep connection with sunset bird, especially in their childhood.

the meanings assigned to the version i chose, describe haru at their core and during step 1 when they use this name. they are a comfortable presence whose greatest desire is to make meaningful, genuine connections with other people (fucking extravert). while they are pleasant they are a people-pleaser as well - part of their journey is to unlearn that.

it sounds very cute and they are the sweetest kid

now the name people actually know them for, the one they feel describes them the best - Haru. the kanji that i picked [春] means "spring, season of growth and renewal" and it's precisely what Haru's 'arc' is about. the meaning and value of their personal growth, understanding themselves and working with oneself instead of against.

a little tidbit about their name: there is a kanji with which it can be written that means "cherry blossom". those flowers are considered as a symbol of spring in japan, usually blooming between the end of march and beginning of may. another fun fact, haru's birthday is on the 2nd of april :]

Nakamura is a surname i chose instead of Last in the game. i thought it would be fun to headcanon that the family's surname is actually from Noelani's side (some Hawaiian last names are Japanese in origin, hence Nakamura). The kanji i picked to write it are [中村] - 中 meaning "in, inside, middle, center" and 村 meaning "village, hamlet". I think of it as a reference to sunset bird itself.

so once we put all of the ingredients together it already forms an image of a character. i've been reading a book by david day "the hobbits of tolkien" in which the author describes j.r.r. tolkien's process of creating the hobbits. it's very fascinating, the way in which he used his philologist knowleadge - digging up the word first and then tracing it's origins and the word family to slowly create the hobbits we know today. my process of creating haru was somewhat similar in methods, though definitely not the process (god no, i am nowhere near tolkien's level). i wanted to mention that because the words we use to describe the world, or in this case characters are important.

i like to think that haru's whole name means "spring in a village", with them being the embodiment of said season, connected to an undeniably summer town. a little bit like baxter, our resident autumn boy stumbled into a seaside tourist town. only in haru's case the lines are more blurry. i think of them as the manifestation of the spring/summer period, when the sun shines brightly and trees bloom but the wind is still chilly and strong.

in any case, let's move further! fairies know i could talk just about their name forever

Step 1: welcome to childhood folks! in step 1 Haru uses their birth name, Kaito, and he/him pronouns. Kaito is a lonely child who wants only one thing - to have a friend. he is too fat, too shy, too different from other kids his age, which leads to him being isolated from them. this plants the first seeds of his insecurities that will follow him into the future. being ignored and laughed at really impacts Kaito, who only wants to make friends with anybody. it makes this thought slowly grow at the back of his mind: "there is something fundamentally wrong with me." thankfully, he has the support of lizzie and their moms and the soothing sound of the waves and the warm sand at the beach, which make his social isolation feel less hurtful.

when it comes to his personality, Kaito is an open-hearted, open-minded kid who is quite shy. he is naive, terribly impatient and impulsive which can be a fatal combination. curiosity is another defining trait of his - not really with any things of an academic nature, but definitely about other people, so much he can be very nosy. despire that he is pretty good at reading social cues and figuring out people's feelings. if only he had enough foresight to actually confirm his thoughts with others - he is prone to assume things solely based off his judgement. he is empathetic and a good listener. his tendencies in people-pleasing are only starting to grow, but it will be a huge problem down the line.

a sidenote about his design: colours chosen for each step hold a meaning. the colour palette for step 1 is a triadic colour scheme with purple, teal and yellow. i chose those colours because they remind me of summer, and in step 1 kaito is at the beginning of his growth as a person. at this point in their life, they are connected with summer as a season the most, because they have yet to begin the process of figuring themselves out and understanding themselves.

Cove moving in is a turning point for Kaito. he changes his life by befriending him. it doesn NOT alleviate the insecurities and doubt still nestled in Kaito's heart. rather he views Cove as someone special for befriending him. the setting for their relationship is Nervous Fond. Kaito likes Cove immediately (as they do with most people, they are very open) but is very nervous about this whole making friends process.

Alright this all probably sounds very angsty but this internal turmoil of Kaito's is (for now) very much in the background. think of it like a box covered with sheets, dusted over and hidden in the attic. step 1 is mostly cute kid shenanigans (and some crying).

Songs:

hawaiian roller coaster ride - mark keali'i ho'omalu, kamehameha schools children's chorus; lilo and stitch original soundtrack

the right amount of dumb - kan gao; finding paradise (original game soundtrack)

i have a hole in my tooth (and my dentist is shut) - dodie

take me anywhere - kan gao; to the moon (original game soundtrack)

second child, restless child - the oh hellos

(the right amount of dumb is like their theme in step 1 because they are a bit of a dumbass <33 silly little kid)

Step 2: ahhh early teenage years. i think 12yo and older is the time when you start to realize how profoundly fucked up reality is and react appropriately! which is exactly what Haru is going through, on top of being obsessed with becoming popular. sigh.

step 2 is very rough for Haru. for one, their insecurities from childhood only grow. they see their inabilty to create a large circle of friends as a reflection of their worth. their self-esteem is at all time low, which is why they do everything they can to cover it up. kids are cruel so they cannot show any weaknesses. in order to cover up their low self-confidence they become very arrogant,they arrive at this conclusion: if they are so unlikable (false) then they only need to pretend to be someone else entirely to make people like them (bruh. teenage brain is a mystery).

and so begins their fabrication of themselves, altering parts of their appearance, personality even giving up and picking up hobbies just to appeal to the 'popular kids'. deep inside they know that this is futile. you cannot make people like you, you cannot make them respect you if they don't no matter how hard you try. but they are so starved for social interactions, that it doesn't matter at the moment. if they get to hang out with the cool kids, if people wave to them in the corridors then what does it matter that the person they are greeting is fake?

those purposeful but forced changes consume them. they are constatly playing a role around people they know but don't trust - they can only relax with their family, Cove and Derek. but even then, they aren't fun to hang out with that much. seeing as they can reveal their true thoughts only then, it makes them constantly angry (at everything, but at themselves the most probably) which affects their relationships with their friends and family.

to them it feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. they can't bear their soul to the cool kids group, because that would mean admitting that they are not a person they pretended to be - this loud, out-going, larger than life, perfect person. and in their head they think they can't reveal anything to their loved ones either - it would mean admitting defeat in making friends.

so yeah, the struggle is there y'all. despite all the harm that comes from their behaviour and their environment, they learn a couple of things too. they realize they aren't a mind reader and perhaps asking people about their problems is better than assuming you know what is wrong, even if you are like 99% sure you know. doesn't mean they won't ask in the most blunt, tactless way possible tho. their shyness as if evaporates completely - you're not gonna make it far in middle school being shy. funnily enough, they are a massive people-pleaser. you'd think that this bold, boisterous teen star would be far from it, but every action Haru performs in their school circle is for the approval of others. if there are any mild upsides to their state is that they can fulfill their innate need of connecting with other people. it's not deep or meaningful in most cases but what can you do.

as you probably noticed, the main colour of this step is green. but why? green is such a nice colour, with so many positive meanings... sike! i mean yeah it is, but you know what else green symbolises? greed and envy. i used green for this step to highlight haru's desire of becoming popular not as a genuine dream, not even as a way to connect with others but because of the immense jealousy they felt. of other people who got to have friends that liked them for who they are. of elizabeth especially, who never seemed to struggle with making people like her. in this stage of their life, green is definitely a negative colour for them.

the comfort level in step 2 is Direct Fond for both Cove and Derek. no matter which route i'm deciding on romantically, haru does not have a crush on anyone in step 2, or at least doesn't allow themselves to have.

Songs:

freaks - surf curse

kawaki wo ameku [カワキヲアメク] - minami [美波]

carnivore - starset

stand out fit in - one ok rock

remember my name - mitski

(i especially like carnivore for this step because haru starts avoiding eating meat, cause they don't like the taste that much. the choice of this song is a bit of an inside joke for me, also the lyrics fit very well)

Step 3: we enter era of healing! i'd say in step 3 haru is at a solid 3/4 way to doing better internally. step 2 was their lowest, but now they are beginning to bloom. but growing older doesn't only bring knowleadge and growth, it also brings a new lot of issues to deal with.

Haru has been confronted about their behaviour. the impact it had on others and on themselves (there was a lot of crying and broken confessions, not a good time). as they reached their limit, they finally decided to speak their feelings and accept help from their loved ones.

now, it's hard to simply get rid of one's insecurities, especially those that seemed to be reinforced by the outside world for a long time. they use a strategy as old as time to deal with (not cover up anymore) their low self-esteem - fake it till you make it. some of their arrogance stays with them, as a blanket of security in a way, but they are determined to be confident in themselves.

their growth starts with a somewhat superficial thing but one that they always cared about: their clothes. they were always interested in clothing and fashion but only in step 3 they move a bit further with that interest and begin to make clothes on their own. it's an important passion to them, not only being very therapeutic but also allowing them to express their true self, both in terms of their personality as well as gender.

a major shift in their perception of their relationships with others was caused by realizing, that gaining popularity was not going to make them feel fulfilled. they had always desired deep, meaningful relationships, and while being recognized at school was nice, it wasn't really what they were looking for. this in turn make them rethink their whole "pretending to be someone you're not" business and with their loved ones assistance they figured out that... it simply wasn't worth it.

and because haru is the most impulsive person on this side of the globe, they did not ease themselves into this realization but again forced themselves to abandon their old ways in favor of being painfully true to themselves. and then everybody smacked their foreheads.

haru is a lot kinder to themselves now, courtesy of cove and others, but they still tend to ignore themselves in favor of somebody else. their shyness returned, and they no longer try to force themselves into acting more out there than they are. since the let down their walls, they speak their mind without thinking and are prone into agreeing to things immediately, often finding themselves in uncomfortable or annoying situations.

right now their most pressing struggle is dealing with becoming an adult. they feel as if they had just got peace and stability in their life and yet their friends are leaving or staying, getting jobs, time is slipping through their fingers like sand and everything is different. haru themselves feels very lost and overwhelmed by the future, so for now they latch onto people, their friends, sister and moms and try to spend as much time with them as possible, drowning the sound of their own fear in their laughter. on top of that there is a new guy in sunset bird, who seems to have a bit similar internal struggles to them, and haru feels like they could make a connection for life. i wonder how that will go :]

step 3 colours! they wear a lot of different colours because their style is mostly inspired by the 80s, plus they like to go crazy with the clothes they make. but colours that appear the most are definitely pink and yellow, plus a little bit of green. green appears in smaller amounts and in shades closer to yellow to express it's different nature than the green in step 2. this time it represents growth, freshness and hope.

now yellow is a very important colour that i consider haru's main colour. they are simply inseparable in my head. it was completely gone from their colour palette in step 2, and in step 1 it had more of a golden shade, one reminiscent of summer, but in step 3 it brings forth thoughts of spring more. it is purposeful, as Haru is finally growing into the person they want to be. yellow's positive meanings are among others optimism, happiness, creativity and enthusiasm. but it can also be associated with fear and cowardice and that is definitely something that fits haru in this step as well.

pink is prevalent in this specific outfit, but like i said, the clothes they wear in this step are pretty colourful. still, it holds meaning, seeing as it's also visible in their step 4 clothes. pink is invincibly linked with romance and romantic feelings - something haru allows themselves to open up to in step 3. like most things about them, if they have a crush on somebody their infatuation comes fast and strong, seemingly out of nowhere. but other than romance, pink is a colour of youth and playfulness.

after dealing with all that teen angst, they are very playful. combined with the dread of the future and genuine excitement they finally feel, they are a sweet, sociable person. the comfort level is Relaxed Fond, unless they have a crush on either Cove or Baxter, then it's Nervous Crush.

Songs:

permanence - bears in trees

wishing well - the oh hellos

infinite - lyn lapid

summer depression - girl in red

what if it doesn't end well - chloe moriondo

(i didn't put this song here despite it being the first one on haru's playlist, but teenage dream by katy perry is such a step 3 haru song)

Step 4: sweet woes of adulthood! Haru has grown and grown up but of course, life is a continuous string of things happening and us having to deal with them. some things stayed the same, for example their big ego. from aiming to cover up their low confidence, to actually gaining a healthy amount of it, like in most things they do, they went overboard. and while some of it is still a little bit of a defense mechanism, they are also completely insufferable and a beast of self-esteem. you win some you lose some.

they grew into the person they were always meant to be: free spirited, open, empathetic and creative. even so, they still retain their oh so recognizable traits. their curious, almost nosy demeanor, impatient nature and people-pleasing ways. they are still reckless though not quite as impatient, they learned to be a bit more chill.

haru learned to manage their intense nature. especially when it comes to meeting new people, they realize and respect the fact that not everybody will be eager to form a deeper bond, as much as it confuses them sometimes. they have always been ride or die type of person, but growing up has mellowed them out a bit.

the most growth happened with their way of managing their relationships as well as their perception of themselves. they are a lot more mature and as such manage to maintain their relationships. even if they still sometimes assume other people's thoughts or take up too much upon themselves, they see what they have accomplished and are very proud of themselves.

their struggles now involve the usual perils of adulthood, but mostly keeping up with their friends and making sure everything is alright. other than that though, they eagerly travel and go out of their way to meet even more new people - they do need someone to anchor them, or they will get carried away and eventually step on somebody's toes (or fail to return from another state on a scheduled date).

speaking of their adult relations, baxter leaving was a huge blow to them. like traumatic event rank S type of thing. when they meet again it's a storm lol

when it comes to Haru's other dreams and goals, i picture them with a business that makes custom clothes, like handmade ones. their side job would be helping out cove with surfing lessons and his business. they like to work with other people and are a fairly good leader, but they dislike doing the simple tasks because they are so boring.

last design notes! so there is yellow and pink, a bit of blue and white, at least in this outfit. yellow, pink and white are their characteristic colours, but green finds it's place here too sometimes (to drive home the spring theme more).

like i mentioned, haru's colour is yellow. it's the colour of sunshine, buttercups, the sand and some birds and fish, and most importantly it's the colour i associate with spring (along with green). haru is a character that represents the late spring, teeming with life and joy, intense in growth and weather, downpours or clear skies alike.

i don't think there is much more to say about the colours in this step, as in my opinion yellow is most significant. pink also connects with haru's acceptance of femininity and figuring out exactly how much they associate with it. and blue is the colour of the sky :)

in step 3 they are at Direct Fond or Crush. I like their energy in relationships with other people :]

Songs:

hey blondie - dominic fike; barbie the album

everybody loves me - onerepublic

never gonna not dance again - p!nk

sick of losing soulmates - dodie

rebel rebel - david bowie

dancing with myself - billy idol

(hey blondie is such a bop holy shit you guys- also very much a haru song <3)

wow i can't believe i actually wrote this. i am very particular about my characters so now that i have this sort of "introduction" for haru posted, i can post other things about them! don't ask me how that works, it has to be chronological

if you've read this thank you very, very much <3 and if you didn't, fair i feel you lol. feel free to ask about them if your heart desires :]

toodles~

[mediafinal23]

Introduction To New Media Final '23

This thread is a final project made for my FNMS 231 Introduction To New Media class, analyzing how the digitization of literature has impacted culture and society as it evolves. How did we go from purely written works circulated in niche book clubs to the ever-evolving mass of online literature and media-curated communities? 

I would be remiss not to start this by addressing the debate of what constitutes literature in the first place. The definition varies depending on the audience asked, which literary critic Jonathan Culler sums up neatly in his work What is Literature and Does it Matter? when he states that the answer of a five-year-old will vastly differ from that of a literary critic, and a better way to look at the definition is to ask ourselves what makes someone treat work as literature. However, one of my college peers defined it as "written work that has some meaning to its readers." Ultimately, the terminology is up to individual interpretation, but this thread will be discussing literature as an entity that contains written works such as novels, research papers, news articles, and other creative written works such as fan fiction and poetry. For the sake of practicality and conciseness, this will also only focus on the digital evolution of 'English' literature. If you're interested in reading more of Culler's thoughts, they can be found here. 

With this context, the original form of 'English' literature dates back to approximately 975-1025 CE with the poem Beowulf, an Old English period work about a hero-turned-king. Obviously, this pre-dates any digital technology by far, but it's essential to start with the beginning in order to dissect the timeline efficiently. There are eight different periods of English literature, ranging from Old English to the current Postmodern phase. The names of all the ones in between, with additional information, can be found here in the archives of The Library of Congress. Throughout this, the physical manifestations of literature have developed over time, leading to its current digital presence. Long gone are the days of writing on strips of papyrus or painstakingly making one copy of a book at a time, either by hand or printing press.

The first record of digitized ‘English’ literature was in 1952 when Christopher Strachey created a love letter generator that operated precisely how it sounded and was considered literature. From there, literature slowly began to be incorporated online until it was flung into the world of media with the arrival of the ebook around 1998. Sony came out with a Data Discman, which, to my understanding, operated as CDs that would portray text onto a screen, and another company named NuvoMedia produced their product, which they dubbed the ‘Rocket eBook.’ For the first time, entire novels were available at the push of a button rather than a trek to the nearest library or bookstore. Despite this, reading digitally didn’t truly become socially accepted until the release of Amazon’s Kindle in 2007. The first version of the Kindle was already relatively advanced and allowed buyers/readers to have access to 200 books, along with limited internet access. 

This impacted society in multiple ways. First of all, due to the accessibility and easy access to online novels, libraries began to have a diminished amount of visitors and patrons. To keep up with society, they began loaning out ebooks to draw people in once more. Fortunately for them, certain publishing houses didn’t participate in Kindle’s program, and the newer in-demand books stayed in their physical manifestation to be checked out from libraries or bought at a bookstore. Secondly, more people began to read the literature surrounding them - just not in its traditional form. Nevertheless, it provided a new topic for society to address and made it much easier for people to talk about literature with such easy access to popular novels. 

Cartoon by Jim Morin, published in the Miami Herald, in July 2010.

With this new digital era arrived a new issue: ebook piracy. Despite 'English' literature being more accessible to obtain, the companies releasing the ebooks still charged users a fee to access their expanding online library. Since people were already pirating music, books were the next logical course of action. This heavily impacted the book industry, a topic that the Author's Guild broached semi-recently: "Each year, the publishing industry loses hundreds of millions of dollars in lost sales to piracy—and with each lost sale, authors lose royalty income. There is a clear correlation between the decline in income from writing and the exponential growth of online pirate channels dedicated to distributing and selling illegal ebook copies." Continue reading this article here. 

Oral stories have always been a part of literature and pre-dates the practice of writing anything down. In fact, most of the older written works stem from stories passed down through generations by speech alone. According to the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), audiobooks were first created via vinyl in 1932 for individuals who were visually impaired, with some of the first works recorded being some of Shakespeare's plays and The Constitution. That particular part of the literature industry has expanded largely, with them being utilized by a large section of English society today. Students who are auditory learners have found them to be extremely useful in academic settings, and those who do not have the attention span necessary for a physical book have enjoyed being able to hear the words as they do other activities, such as driving or walking.

It could be argued that the many forms of online literature have cultivated a more robust reading community. More people across the world have access to the same materials and content and can gain each other's perspective on the works through platforms such as Tumblr, TikTok, and Instagram. In the late 2000s, entire blog pages were dedicated to discussing specific books and sharing opinions with others, and many are still active today. More recently, a social media group known as 'BookTok' formed on TikTok, where creators post videos about their favorite books, pieces of literature, and even screenshots of digitized copies of their latest read. Many of these creators will tag others in their posts, curating a group united entirely through their love of reading. Without the online presence of 'English' literature, this group would have far fewer participants and less of an impact. It has allowed individuals to expand on their own creativity and keep literature relevant in a media society. 

Speaking of creativity, having platforms dedicated to literature has led to another outlet for hyper-fixated individuals on certain books, genres, or ‘fandoms.’ Fanfiction has become a large yet not entirely socially accepted part of literature, where individuals rewrite or make extensions of their favorite works. While it applies to movies and celebrities, a large portion of the community relies on books and literary works. Apps such as Wattpad provided a place for these individuals to collaborate and share their work - yet another place for literature to be uploaded online (although there is a considerable debate on whether fanfiction counts as literature - based on the definition of literature that was declared at the beginning of this thread, it does). More websites were soon to follow, the most popular being a platform called Archive Of Our Own, fondly referred to as AO3 by its users. The anonymous creators on this platform let their imaginations run wild and often update classic/popular books to reflect on the current state of society. For example, in 2017, an individual with the username MsKingBean89 uploaded a 188-chapter Harry Potter ‘fic’ about the generation before the one that the series revolves around. With over 50 translations available, this rewrite of the Harry Potter backstory referenced social issues such as class issues, politics, and homophobia. With over 12 million readers, it has primarily impacted platforms such as ‘BookTok’ and inspired the creation of multiple other literary works. 

So, time for a recap:

The forms of literature have evolved far beyond what could have ever been predicted and continue to do so.

Kindles and other ebooks have caused a decline in library usage and bookstore shoppers.

Audiobooks are an academic tool that doubles as literary entertainment.

The digitalization of literature has allowed society to connect even more, and ‘BookTok’ has replaced traditional book clubs.

And last but certainly not least, individuals have taken the production of literature into their own hands to curate socially accepted works. 

[crab-instruments]

Lock and Key Part 1

Master Part 2>

Lost and Found Part 1 (first part of the series)

Pairing: Silco x GN Reader

Summary: After stumbling into a job with Silco as your new boss, you seek to prove yourself worthy to the Kingpin. Shenanigans ensue. As your relationship grows, so do the feelings you deny.

Warnings: none

a/n: I was going to post this on my birthday, but I have rewritten this 5 hundred times. I'm not even sure if this is the beginning I'm going to stick with. I love this scene that I thought of, but idk what I'm doing

The only sound that could be heard was the tiny clicks from your lock picking tools jingling in the deadbolt. It took mere seconds to solve, the tumblers falling into place and turning smoothly. You twisted the doorknob carefully, slipping inside before closing the door again.

Once you had broken into this office while drunk looking for a sandwich. Now you were doing it with a purpose. It was the middle of the night, similar in time frame as before. Everyone should be asleep, specifically, Silco should not be in his office. You silently closed the door, making as little sound as you could. One, two, three steps in and you were on your way to the desk.

“I was unaware we had a meeting.”

“HOLY SHIT—” the sound of Silco’s voice at a normal volume caused you to take a step back, but you wobbled, and your world was flipped over. Some objects around the office shook but once everything settled, you huffed a breath and closed your eyes for a moment. The floor under your back was cold and a little uncomfortable.

“What are you doing.” Silco had a way of asking questions that sounded more like commands. You didn’t have to look at him to know he was going about his business as if you didn’t just make friends with the floor of his office.

“I’m… admiring the interior decorating of your office. Have you ever considered crown molding?”

“No.”

“Good, I don’t think it would fit the aesthetic you have going on here.” You waved your arm to gesture towards ‘going on here’ but otherwise, stayed where you were, eye on the ceiling.

“Oh? And what would you suggest?”

Now this was new. He never humored you for long, if at all, in your stalling. You sat up and thought about it before responding. “Maybe—”

“What are you doing breaking into my office at this hour?” There it is.

You rolled to your feet before standing a few feet from his desk. “Okay, so—”

“Keep it concise.”

“But I didn’t—!”

“Concise.” You entered into a staring contest with the man, but you backed down with a sigh. He was right, after all. Since you were hired and got more comfortable as whatever the hell you were, your anxiety manifested in winding stories instead of stuttering.

“The auction house plan that’s supposed to happen a few days from now?”

“Yes, what about it?”

You began a slow pace in front of his desk, Silco only slightly following with his head. “Okay, I know you said to let it go, but I swearthat Clown Bastard’s version of the blueprint—”

“Clown Bastard?” Silco had a tiny smirk on his face, you thought (or hoped) he found your mannerisms and word choice charming sometimes.

“The guy who gave you the blueprints. I forgot what his name was.”

“Hank.”

You abruptly stopped and faced Silco, who definitely was smirking now at your incredulous face. “No way. His name is not Hank. I would remember that.” Silco’s expression did not change. “Oh, my g—how did I forget a name like Hank?” You shook your head violently before continuing. “Anyway. The blueprints he gave were doctored. I didn’t have proof, but I couldn’t just stand by and watch the guy swindle you. So, I…” you gestured vaguely with your arms, “brokeintohisplace. BUT I was right! I found the original blueprints to that auction house.”

You opened the document tube you had attached to your leg and offered the papers to Silco. “So, if you look—”

Silco grabbed your wrist and pulled your arm closer to his face, examining it. The smirk from before fell into a frown and his eyes narrowed. “You’re hurt.”

You couldn’t stop the involuntary intake of air, worried what would come after already disobeying orders. “I fell.” Silco said nothing, waiting. “I fell… down… a scaffolding.” His eyes went wide for a brief second before he controlled his expression. “I wasn’t caught! No one saw me. Mainly because I fell down the scaffolding BUT no one saw me. And I’m totally fine.” You gave a sheepish grin, but he was unamused. Sighing, he let go of your wrist and took the papers.

“How exactly did you know he was lying?” Silco ran a hand through his hair before putting all his focus on the papers.

“Huey—”

“Hank.”

“—has a tell. I was reading about them and how to figure out when someone’s lying, and this guy was basically broadcasting it. He’d rub his nose every time he talking about the blueprints. Also, if you look at the original blueprints, you can tell an amateur copied them, it’s not even to scale.”

Silco looked at you with a raised eyebrow before muttering something along the lines of ‘not even to scale’ while studying the blueprints. An awkward silence settled between the two of you, one you couldn’t allow to stay for very long.

“…Sir? I know you said to let it go and I disobeyed your order—”

“Are you so sure you did?” He didn’t make eye contact as he spoke, full focus on the papers in front of him.

“…What? But you said—”

“I knew he was lying and was going to handle it silently but then you brought it to my attention, unprompted. You showed you were not only paying attention but actively looking out, I was impressed to say the least. I told you to let it go, you, who never let’s anything go until the puzzle is solved, knowing full well you wouldn’t. I was curious how far you would take it.”

“…this was a test.”

“Of sorts, yes.”

“Did I pass?”

Silco made eye contact, thinking about what he would say next, but it also looked like he wanted to hit you with the blueprints. He sighed and stood up, “I’m sure I will hear if you were seen but for now, I assume you acquired the blueprints with your dignity intact—barely. Yes, you ‘passed.’”

You did a silent triumphant dance.

“However, I will be putting you on desk duty until you are fully healed. You’ll also need more combat training, aerobatics, something to protect yourself with in case you encounter any more… scaffoldings.”

You shifted your weight. Still new to this job by a few weeks, Silco seemed to care more than you expected. Your impression of him was he only cared about a select few: Jinx and Sevika. It was a pleasant surprise to have that feeling shattered, but other grunts really… didn’t receive this type of treatment. It was hard to reconcile the Silco you had in your head, one that would have killed you for breathing the same air as him, and the one in front of you, who pushed you to be better. You would hesitate to say he trusted you but the way he played along with your antics made it seem like a possibility.

“Yes, sir. Silco, sir.” He made a face, one you had seen since the first time you met him. You gave a curt, awkward bow, something you kept doing almost as a joke at this point. You were almost out the door before you stopped.

“What is it?” He still stood by his desk, watching you hesitate.

“I found something else while I was looking for the blueprints, but I was hoping…”

Silco’s eyes narrowed before a look of unamusement took over his expression. “You’ve been reading the magic trick book again, haven’t you?”

“I’ve been practicing so I wanted to—”

“No, just give me whatever—”

“Please?”

The man looked so tired and worn down at this very early hour. He mumbled something about ‘puppies eyes that both you and Jinx manipulated him with’ while rubbing the tired away from his face. “Fine, make it quick. One chance this time.”

“YES. Okay,” you walked over to him and showed that your left hand was bare, twisting it so both sides were seen, “oh wait. Let me just—” you put your right hand on Silco’s shoulder, and he stiffened. With your left, you barely touched the side of his ear, following the shape, before bringing the pen you were hiding in front of Silco’s face. You couldn’t stop the stupid smile that spread across your face as you saw the genuine surprise on his. “I learned that from the sleight of hand book, a little bit of misdirection.”

He stared at you a moment before return to his normal self. Silco took the pen in his hands and examined it. “This pen… is the one that went missing a few days ago.”

“Yeah, Hubert—”

“Hank.”

“—took it. Found it while looking for the blueprints. It’s the one Jinx gave you, right? Figured you’d probably want it back.”

Silco tried to hide the small smile, but you had seen it. He nodded toward the door. “Get out of here. I have work to do.”

Part 2

*******

Requested tags/continuation: @imalovernotahater @distinguished-jeseter-things @thesinoflust1103 @mochi-clouds @jinxs-monkey-bomb @grapegirly @marine-captain-deku @huang-the-geek @d0nutkaky0in

[jamesisasimp]

Well if the good omens bartylus brainrot can't be stopped then it must be encouraged

Can you share any interaction or dialogue you can't stop thinking about?

(also, good whatever-time-it-is-in-your-timezone!)

Helloooo Ary, my dear

I hope you know what floodgates you just opened. I'm going to try to make this sound even a little bit concise and not just like a lengthy ramble, but no promises

It's going to be a mix of me gushing over Good Omens and how perfectly bartylus translates to it, so strap in ♡

First of all, Crowley. Barty. Need I say more?

Fanart credit: twosidedstarr on Instagram and Pinterest

Look at them! They're two of the same, swagalicious, out of pocket, impulsive idiots, and, I'm sorry, but Barty as the snake in the Garden of Eden?

In God's universe, Bartemius, now affectionately referred to as Barty, along with the rest of his human name, Crouch Jr. (not to be confused with Crouch Sr., who was also him, just a couple hundred years ago to be realistic), has been dealt a losing, rather shit hand. Course he is a demon, that's sort with the territory, but he was an angel once too. Doesn't really get what all the fuss was about, it was awful up there, all the white and the glass, gave him a headache.

He was never cut out for Heaven, and Hell is just depressing, and in either he's a miserable excuse for a being, either occult or ethereal, and that is why Barty, formerly Bartemius, Crouch Jr., formerly Sr., is so in love with Earth.

And then there's Aziraphale and Regulus, which is, I think, more of a reach but definitely still completely valid

Fanart credit: twosidedstarr on Instagram and Pinterest

It's important to note that Azzie here is softboi core to the bone, and Regulus is absolutely not. While I think they have a lot of the same fundamentals ideologies, like fierce loyalty, they are very different. Aziraphale wants to believe in the good will of angels only to, slowly, over time, realise how corrupt it is, and I think this parallels amazingly with Regulus's experience with Death Eaters and the Dark Side - BUT Regulus is NOT a softboi, I will not reduce him to this

Consider this analogy for further explanation

Aziraphale and Crowley:

Barty and Regulus:

Regulus can't just abandon Armageddon all together. Not because he particularly fancies being at war, but because of the opposite. He's not the coward Barty seems to think he is - he's not the one trying to run away from this. He's the one trying to fucking stop it from happening entirely, if not for his own sake then for all those innocent humans that aren't ready to be judged yet. That never asked for any of this. That are caught in the crossfire just so good and evil, whatever the fuck those even mean anymore, can figure out who's best.

Regulus has to try. If Sirius taught him anything it's that hope is worth the plunge, no matter what's waiting on the other side.

NOW why am I currently obsessed with this, may you ask? Does it have to do with David Tennant's David Tennant-ness? Yes, a lot actually. Because through him and his portrayal of Crowley, I was able to understand a version of Barty that I could see in Crowley, because I actually relate to him. Probably more than one should relate to a demon but that's the whole point of the show!

The glory and freedom, allure of humanity

It's the story of a demon and an angel that have fallen in love with humanity (and each other) and are willing to give everything up to stay together. Because, if they lose humanity, they lose the bridge over which they can be together, and when the end of the world threatens it's destruction what do they do?

Stop the end of the world, obviously

They go against everything they've been taught, everything they've been told is right and wrong and devine and instead of doing what they should they do what they want to do, which I just think is so beautiful. And opens up a lot for Regulus's character. I mean, Barty's a fallen angel soaked in corruption, he's not blind to it and escapes it in humanity, fueled by spite, whereas Regulus wants to believe he's doing the right thing, that's he's on the right side, and has only really a matter of days to understand that he's not - that there is no right side, only a wrong one. And, instead of fighting for the greater good, do you know what he fights for?

Barty. A demon. A demon that was never evil and never cruel to him, a good person deep deep down

It just suits them SO WELL in my mind

But that's not enough for Barty, of course it's not. To him, he's still just a stubborn coward that still believes in God's Plan. To Barty, he's given up on them, and he can't tell him that he'd never do that, not in another six thousand years, not in eternity if they ever even make it there.

I've written out their version of the bandstand breakup, and I WANT more than ANYTHING to write Barty saying the words "you're so clever, how can somebody as clever as you be so stupid" right to Regulus's face (for those of you that haven't seen the show, don't worry, he absolutely deserves it in the moment). I want to write Barty's collapse, his last few hours on Earth, saying goodbye to the life he loves and his best friend, his partner, his Angel, who he'll never get to be with again. His desperation to find an out, to keep his little Regulus shaped slice of heaven that he knows he doesn't deserve

I want to see Barty when he believes Regulus has gone back to heaven, just hours before the end of the world, and that he never even got to say goodbye

Skip to 2:20

Also, come on, Barty driving through hellfire while blasting queen just to make sure he gets to the end of the world in time to stop it from, well... ending

Then of course there's the holy water scene, Regulus breaking the rules to get Barty a thermos of it so he doesn't end up risking own life to get it in less legal ways. Giving him LITERALLY the means of his own destruction, because Regulus is the only one how can

Because, you see, the trouble with loving someone is that, in doing so, you give them a step my step guide on how to destroy you. Not with holy water or hell fire, but deep deep within. You don't even realize it, Barty certainly didn't, at least not until right now.

I also really want to explore their dynamic! Barty shares Crowley's impulsivity and energy, and he's a bit of a gambler in my mind, getting more of a thrill out of just winning for once than the actual game

"It's not like you need human money," Regulus reminds him.

"Nah," he just shrugs, shoving his hands into his British pound lined pockets. "I just enjoy the game, really. It's fun, you should try it sometime."

"Definitely not."

"And the atmosphere. Can't get that kind of an atmosphere anywhere else."

"Think a nightclub might be similar? Perhaps a pub?"

"Eh. Too much lust, not enough greed, and I get enough of that downstairs," Barty corrects and gets out his keys. "Dinner?"

Regulus, on the other hand, is more reserved and to the point. I did come up with this particular distinction between them that, if someone were talking to them and they didn't really want to talk, Regulus would stay and listen though making it clear he wasn't interested, and Barty would just say "yeah, sorry, don't really care" and be on his merry way. I also think Regulus is a bit of a foodie, in that he loves the different types of human meals and flavors and how each reflect a different culture and background. It's just the little things for Regulus, food and books. Books that allow him to travel to different worlds in which God doesn't exist and he can be anything he wants to be, not just an angel bound to the Greater Good

Also Barty is an ABSOLUTE simp

Regulus, much the same and far less likely to admit it, is in love with the fascinating world of humans too. Most particularly the food. Technically they don't need to eat, it's not a requirement, Barty only ever does it when he feels it's neccessary for appearances or when Regulus insists that he just can't go on living without at least trying a bite. Regulus, however, is a connoisseur. When he acquired his townhome in central London back in 1979, his main concern was the size and capabilities of the kitchen. For comparison, Barty doesn't think he's ever once touched the kitchen in his flat, aside from the one time Regulus asked him to store a cake in his refrigerator. He's thinking of having it refinished into another plant room.

His all time favorite is French food, after a particular excursion during the French Revolution filled with temptation, miracles, crepes, and a near mountain of baguettes. He learned quiche, creampuffs, and croque in Paris, fell in love with garlic in Italy. Spain got him hooked on chocolate and olives, and the shrimp came about from one confusing trip to Japan that Barty isn't fully certain actually happened. He also likes waffles, but that's far too American for him to admit.

So Barty takes them to Le Gavroche, which he is aware is secretly Regulus's favorite, not because the food is good, but because the restaurant itself is so flashy and sought after it takes an angelic miracle to secure them a table. He, as a higher, or technically lower being, is not limited by human languages, well versed and able to communicate in any one he chooses, but there is an unspoken agreement in which he allows Regulus to translate the menu into English for him and does not remind him that he, too, knows French.

So, in conclusion, it's not really a concrete thing it's just the entirety of them. The story of Good Omens is so good and through the lense of Barty and Regulus, who are both very different and very similar to Crowley and Aziraphale, would be just *chefs kiss*. They're two idiots choosing each other over a war and how can you not fall on your knees as to how tooth achingly sweet it is?? "Aww, Reg. You were willing to kill the antichrist for me? Little ol' me?" "Shut up."

Ary, this was very long and hardly made any sense, so I apologize, but I had the time of my life writing all of this down for you. Did I actually answer your question? I have no idea! But I definitely did something, so... tada!!

Brainrot successfully encouraged, this going to be all I can think about for the rest of the day...

[chaosincurate]

Alvvays defined

This one is gonna be a fun post for me to make. Listening to the monarchs of musical bliss, the indie pop idols, Alvvays, every time, without fail feels like an inherent act of musical artistic appreciation, like I can't help but to think about how great music as an art form is. To make it all the more impressive, the band manage to maintain that high constantly throughout an album, and across albums. I don't tend to buy into the whole "no bad songs" thing because I find it undermines the value of your appreciation if you ignore flaws as opposed to loving something in spite (or even because) of them, but when it comes to Alvvays, I genuinely don't dislike a single song, even really a single moment, they've created. They aren't perfect of course, and we'll get into that a little bit in a second, but I'm convinced they are one of the best indie acts going. Let's get into why.

Alvvays (self-titled)

When I say this album is one-note, you'd be forgiven for thinking I found the album monotonous, boring, and repetitive. You'd be forgiven, but mistaken. This debut album from Alvvays is consistently exciting and establishes a core identity expertly over a concise 33 minute runtime, which also helps ensure that their lack of experimentation isn't felt. Featuring flowery and left-field lyrics (see Adult Diversion), dreamy guitar lines (see Atop a Cake) and the perfectly restrained rhythms to facilitate the euphoria of each and every song, the Alvvays sound was focused and flawlessly executed from day one.

I did mention that Alvvays weren't perfect in the preamble, and while they came out on their first album more or less fully formed, that applies as much to many negatives of theirs as it does to positives, and the clearest negative I've found in their discography is inconsistent album sequencing. I haven't tried, but I get the impression their albums, especially their later two, wouldn't be too badly affected by playing them on shuffle, although each project certainly has its own identity which helps them feel cohesive.

Even with that negative though, the sheer quality of these songs make it fantastic, especially considering it's a debut. Not many acts are immediately gifted enough to get me whipped up in the pure joy of music like songs such as Archie, Marry Me, Party Police, Atop a Cake, and Red Planet do.

Apple Music link

Antisocialites

What do you get if you take the exceptional qualities of the last album, and add some refinement and slight experimentation, along with punchier production? A 10/10 album called Antisocialites, apparently. You hear it all right off the bat too, with In Undertow introducing you to the album with a washed out distorted guitar that feels like the aural version of a low wave on the beach immersing your feet. That blissful, "life is great", picturesque holiday feeling pervades this album entirely. You cannot love music, hear this album and not feel joy. It's just impossible, and I will not be convinced otherwise. Alvvays had me by the balls from the first note of the album and took the opportunity to give me a (barely metaphorical) orgasm.

I must admit, I struggle to be at all analytical about this album, as you may have noticed, simply because this capacity to induce joy and awe almost evades analysis. I can tell you it's indie pop. I can tell you it's brilliant and one-of-a-kind, but I just cannot tell you why beyond what I have here. It all just either seems so perfect but so obvious, or just completely indescribable.

Again, I don't like to say that something is without flaws, I don't like sounding so uncritically adoring, but every song on here (except one that I will get to) is noteworthy and awe-inspiring to me. The perfect energy of Plimsoll Punks and Your Type, the girl-group charm of Not My Baby, the dynamism of Hey... I could easily go on, but I'll spare you any further pious rambling, and leave it at the promise that every song is incredible in its own unique way that branches naturally from the sound established on the band's debut.

The one criticism I have that I hinted at earlier, was that the sequencing was a little awkward again, particularly in that Already Gone, a song that is well below the album's par for me (although still great in a vacuum because of course it is, Alvvays are almost annoyingly good at this whole music thing), felt forced in between Lollipop (Ode to Jim) and Saved by a Waif. I'm glad it's a song that has seen the light of day, and I think there's definitely a version of this album with that song on it that feels more natural, perhaps having it by the slightly slow Dreams Tonite as opposed to being sandwiched between very high energy, happy songs, but it just doesn't work here in my opinion.

Anyway, that's about enough fawning for a [blank] defined post, so overall thoughts: Alvvays' middlebrow status-quo rituals more than sufficed here and if you like indie pop or any surrounding genres and don't listen to it, you're stinky and I don't respect you until you do. Do it. It's good, you'll like it. Look, I'll even link it for you:

Apple Music link

Blue Rev

And after a quick 5-year non-hiatus- induced break filled with drama, personal and global (Donald Trump's presidential era gets strictly no Alvvays, which I respect), the frankly too talented Alvvays returned with their most diverse album yet, starting with a slightly garage-leaning rendition of their sound with Pharmacist and Easy On Your Own? before getting back to their old sound, and their best version of it yet, at that, with After the Earthquake (obligatory mention that the final "are you awake now?" that Molly Rankin belts out is eargasmic), which makes for an incredible introduction to the album, telling you to expect a lot of variety, but in a way that is true to their already established identity.

Then they try their hand at being a The Smiths cover band without getting into legal trouble with Pressed, and they mimic their indie royalty predecessors with an apparent ease that is mind-boggling and follow it up with the sincerely sweet Many Mirrors which, thematically, appears to act as a reprieve from the stories of romantic hardship to tell a, presumably, more reality-founded story of a situation that is as effortless as it was at the onset of their feelings.

Then there's a sharp left-turn towards the delightful Voidz-esque Very Online Guy that just confirms that the band are having as much fun as you are, as the band takes the soundscape of the early internet to inspire the instrumentation on the track about a guy who is, get this, very online. It goes over cyber stalking, constant opinions, and similarly modern stressors with a sense of humour that makes it go down so easy.

Then Velveteen (yes we're going more or less track-by-track, this album is chaotic in the best way) serves as the payoff to mentions of "velvet" found in other songs on the album, giving those mentions an added level of meaning retroactively before flowing perfectly (credit where it's due) to the similarly mellow, and distinctly melancholic Tile By Tile and then reminds you what band you're listening to by taking the foot off the brakes with the ball of tired altruist energy of Pomeranian Spinster, my personal favourite Alvvays track that doesn't even get enough love amongst Alvvays fans from what I've seen. It's a typical length, 3 and a half minute song that is so incredibly fun and charismatic it feels like half that at least.

From there, you're given a little bit of a break with the Belinda Carlisle-approved Belinda Says which is a beautiful anthem about just making it work. Being dealt a shitty hand but going all in anyway and figuring it out as you go.

From there, the album mostly just continues to wind-down, which is far from a flaw. In fact I think it was necessary. Constantly high energy isn't as easy to pull off over 30 minutes as it is over 40 and taking that extra few moments to just bring you back down to reality pays dividends for an album that gives you transcendent moments like they have an overabundance of them, which I imagine isn't actually far from the truth.

All that positive stuff being said, the album does have it's flaws. Personally, Fourth Figure strikes me as tonally redundant, and while the sequencing is more or less on point here, the album does still feel a little too messy to match or surpass the quality of Antisocialites, even if it does provide it's own charm.

Apple Music link

Playlist

Frankly, I'd recommend just listening to the albums, in chronological order even, but for those who, for whatever reason, would prefer a playlist of some of their best, most representative stuff (at least in my humble opinion), that can be found below. I hope it helps you in some way!

Spotify

Apple Music

[a-clockwork-justice]

Everything I Love About Loser Geek Whatever

So, not too long ago, it was the third birthday of Loser Geek Whatever. Yes, I know the single was released on November 30th 2018 and its considered the song’s official birthday, but the 26th July three years ago was the first showing of the 2018 Off-Broadway revival of Be More Chill and the first time Loser Geek Whatever was shown to the world in any capacity. Therefore, I consider that day to be the song’s unoffical birthday and I’ve been waiting to write down everything I love about it so here I am. (This was originally gonna be posted on the 26th July but I can’t make anything concise so it took longer than that).

I’ve gone on and on about what Loser Geek Whatever means to me personally, how a slew of random chance introduce me to it, got me deep into Be More Chill, introduced me to 90% of my current friends, and overall up-ended my whole life, but now it’s time to dissect the song itself and why it’s so great. As much as I adore Loser Geek Whatever, it could’ve easily been any other song that threw me down a rabbit hole and that I could’ve latched onto- no, wait, it couldn’t have been, because Loser Geek Whatever is unique in that way. I did about a year of music at A-Level so I’m gonna delve into some of the technical aspects here too. I’m chronicling this mostly for myself so I am going as deep as I see fit because this song is a treasure hiding yet more treasures. If you happen to love Loser Geek Whatever as much as I do, this’ll be your goldmine.

So, grab a snack my fellow fans, because here’s a comprehensive list of everything to love about Loser Geek Whatever in roughly chronological order. Long post incoming:

The song starts off strong from the first millisecond - I don’t know what instrument(s) they used but just listen to the single version again - that opening chord blares at you like a siren. It calls for your attention, screaming this is incredibly important, and indeed it is. That chord, an F chord, has no indication as to whether it’s major or minor - it’s just the tonic F with its dominant C and another tonic F above it. In other words, it’s unresolved, it hangs in the air. From a narrative standpoint, Jeremy is at a crossroads, torn between giving into the SQUIP or staying loyal to Michael, and the music paints this. It has the same effect on both the single and album versions - I always hold my breath as it holds, it’s the gap in this crucial transition for Jeremy between who he was and him becoming something he isn’t.

To continue the thread of musical painting, the melody line contains the accidental E-flat which doesn’t belong to the key of F major. This once again illustrates Jeremy’s uncertainty, but there’s more - the whole introduction is a slowed-down version of the Apocalypse of the Damned theme from Two Player Game, arguably the point in the show when Michael and Jeremy’s relationship was at its strongest. Jeremy’s recalling everything he had with Michael, but the slowing down of the melody shows hesitancy, along with highlighting the accidental E flat. These latter points of course aren’t unique to Loser Geek Whatever - they’re also in the section of Upgrade that twins with Loser Geek Whatever. I’m just laying out why they work so well. 

I’m glad I waited until after I saw the show in London to finish writing this - I’m something of a Loser Geek Whatever purist, as made clear by my ire at them cutting it in half and tacking the end of Upgrade back on for the London version. I still enjoyed the show in London though and I’m glad I knew about this change ahead of time, because they did change something about the song that I think really worked - they added two notes in the bass to each bar, like heartbeats, which once again signifies Jeremy’s uncertancy and the importance of this major turning point.

It’s been firmly established by this point that Jeremy is a loser and he knows it. He doesn’t want to be a hero, he just wants to survive, but there’s a difference between that and feeling “inconsequential.” Jeremy is basically admitting that, in his eyes, it doesn’t matter to the world or anyone except Michael if he even survives or not. He’s not just a loser, or a geek - he’s a whatever, with no one caring who he is. And he’s felt this way for years - since middle school began. He’s now in his Junior year of high school - that’s five years of being in this state of being unnoticed at best and picked on at worst. He’s “the one who’s left out”. With just one little line, hell, one word, we’re given more layers as to why he so badly wants to change that.

Moving from the first verse to the chorus, we start to see Jeremy’s attitude shift, from being sad to being angry - he’s frustrated, resentful that he’s spent so long in this state (A lot of people have made similar comparisons about Will Roland’s Jeremy as a whole in relation to Will Connolly’s Jeremy and I think this song exemplifies that). He doesn’t deserve to feel this horrible - not now and certainly not for the next two years until he and Michael can be “cool in college.” When you think about it, what options does he really have? He could either give into the SQUIP or reject it and go back to where he was, still miserable and lonely. Yes, he has Michael and Michael is an amazing, kind, loyal best friend, but as many have pointed out, he’s also dismissive of Jeremy’s feelings of inadequacy whether he means to be or not, which only made Jeremy feel more lonely. Should Jeremy just expect to feel better about himself at some point before college? He’s waited for years, why would that happen at any other point?

More layers baby! Second verse, Jeremy rants on about his father’s advice about following his own instincts and how it’s gotten him nowhere he wants to be. Come to think of it, Michael’s advice about staying the same and waiting for their environment to change can be seen as similar - it’s arguably easier for Michael as he has two loving mothers who undoutably give him plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mother has left them, which likely instilled further feelings of not being good enough, and his father has fallen apart to the point where he can’t even put pants on, let alone step up to take care of his son, meaning that Jeremy likely isn’t going to take his advice very seriously, especially after it’s failed him so thoroughly. But to Jeremy, the problem isn’t necessarily the advice itself - it’s that it’s being followed by him. So now he’s going to turn around and put his life and every choice in something else’s hands, even if - no, especially if it goes against his own instincts. It still doesn’t feel quite right, it “feels bizarre”, but it’s getting him somewhere, so it has to be right in the most meaningful capacity, and to Jeremy, the “most meaningful capacity” is any capacity that isn’t his own.

Now the best line - the one about being a “normal, handsome guy”. Let’s get this on the table - Jeremy is trans. Will Roland himself said that he often thinks of the show’s young trans fans when he sings that line. Naturally, societal transphobia plus gender dysphoria would have a pretty catestrophic effect on the self-esteem of any growing teenager, even more so one in Jeremy’s situation for the reasons I’ve just laid out. He’s probably missed out on a lot of things that “normal” guys take for granted, with most girls barely looking in his direction, let alone in any positive manner. Jeremy’s own sexuality aside, it’s mostly society, and the SQUIP by extension, that considers scoring with girls to be a “manly” or masculine activity, and through Brooke treating him as dateable material, Jeremy feels better about fitting into society’s rules of how a man should be and act. This isn’t the only reason he feels good about Brooke finding him attractive, of course, but it’s just another layer that Jeremy sees more value in conforming to how society says he should be rather than in how he actually is.

I know I just said that the last point was about the best line, but honestly, there’s more than one best line in this song. The bridge is where we start to see Jeremy’s language becoming more technologically inclined - “prompt”, “command” and “bandwidth” are all terms used in computing and used to show how Jeremy is likening himself, or his intentions, to a computer, effectivly merging himself and his SQUIP into one entity and Jeremy willingly giving over his own individuality.

And HERE, we get to the kicker. I’ve talked a lot about layers throughout this whole essay, about themes and motifs building on each other. Jeremy is essentially peeling back the layers of his own situation and only finding reason after deeper reason after deeper reason as to why he should follow the SQUIP and not be a loser anymore. Now, he hits the core, the seed, the crux of it all - “The problem has ALWAYS BEEN ME!!” Everything he is, everything that makes Jeremy Heere himself, is and has always been wrong. This line is a gut punch and EVERYONE knows it - the performer always takes a few seconds to let it sink in before continuing.

As an aside, I wanna mention the differences between the single and the album versions of the bridge. The album version starts of quieter after the vocalising of the last chorus, and builds up to the climactic final line, while the single version is loud all the way through but gets even louder and punchier at the end. Both are good, but I personally prefer the single version - the album sounds like Jeremy is broken and desperate and on the verge of tears as he reaches his inevitable but ugly realisation. The single is also desperate, but it’s pleading and all-consuming and a THOUSAND times more powerful, I get chills every time I hear it. (Side note, the London version starts of loud like the single and ends quieter like the album, almost as if Jeremy is reluctant to admit what he truly believes about himself, and it’s easy to see why, it’s a damn harsh condemnation).

“Take a breath and get prepared” - Jeremy sings to both himself and the audience. The first half has been heavy and we need a breather. Yet just before he goes over the brink, he has second thoughts. His conscience, his own voice in his head, breaks through, warning him that his choice will have consequences for other people than himself. People will get hurt - Michael most of all. Not just by Jeremy ditching him; here’s something else - when Jeremy is the “cool dude”, he might end up being a bully to those who are losers just like him, cutting them down just as Rich’s SQUIP made Rich do to him. Who would be the perfect target for Jeremy’s potential future bullying? His former best friend and fellow loser, Michael Mell. It’s pretty damn likely that if the SQUIP hadn’t optic nerve blocked Michael, it would’ve told Jeremy to pick on him, and even though Michael has ostensibly been pretty good at brushing these things off before, the takedowns would hurt a LOT more coming from his former best friend - and we know this because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, granted without the SQUIP influencing Jeremy directly (also let’s just clear up that just because the SQUIP wasn’t on doesn’t mean its influence on Jeremy hadn’t disappeared - that’s not how emotional abuse works).

Twelve years of loyal friendship, of borderline unhealthy codependency … can he throw all that away for Christine, a girl he’s thus admired from afar and is only just starting to get to know as a person? Moreover, even if Jeremy gets Christine, what about himself, who he wants to be? He just wants to be something other than himself because he thinks that anything is better but … what? The cool dude, the hero or … whatever. He’ll take anything because he’s that desperate, but what about when he gets it? Will he finally be satisfied? Will it be worth failing his one real friend, an act so scummy that the only way he could possibly stomach it would be to somehow pretend he hadn’t done it?

But none of those questions matter to Jeremy now - he’s fully gaslit into believing that every thought and inclination that comes from himself is wrong and shouldn’t be followed. He needs to sync up with the SQUIP and the rest of the world and mute his own defective inner voice. When you think about it, the relationship between Jeremy and the SQUIP is one of the most intense abusive relationships ever put to fiction - we’ve seen emotional abuse and brainwashing before, but here, Jeremy is literally preventing from THINKING the wrong way because the SQUIP can detect his every thought. See what I mean when I say that doesn’t go away when the SQUIP turns off for a few minutes?!

Throughout all of this is the undercurrent of Jeremy wanting to get better. He’s been trying so hard for so long to have a better life, but nothing has worked. Not listening to his dad, not trying to get closer to Christine through theatre, and certainly not listening to Michael’s advice to wait until college. Why should he resign himself to even more time being miserable with no end in sight? After all, being cool in college isn’t a guarantee. After all he’s been through, it’s his turn to finally be cool, after an eternity of being someone he doesn’t want to be.

Another best line in this song - “I’m Player One.” As mentioned a few times in the show before, like in the Broadway upgrade, Jeremy feels lower even in his friendship with Michael - he’s Player 2 as the more experienced Michael is Player 1. As previously established, Jeremy admits that he’s “not the one who the story’s about.” Now he’s ready to finally take control of his life, be the main character and have good things happen to him, and that means cutting out Michael, the old Player 1. The irony here is that Jeremy is less like Player 1 and more like a video game avatar. In reality, the SQUIP is Player 1, making Jeremy do whatever it demands of him.

More best lines! The slew of insults towards the end serves not just as yet more gut punches for the audience but as a major catharsis for Jeremy - It’s telling that the insults get harsher as his rant goes on, from the “weirdo” to the “weakling freak” to the “failure” to the climactic “please don’t speak”. He’s unloading everything that he’s been carrying over the years, ripping out the bullets that have been embedded in his skin and re-opening all the wounds in the process, but he’s done with the pain and he’ll never ever let himself be hurt like that again, if he follows the SQUIP.

I’ve made a whole post about the significance of the best line “Please Don’t Speak” before so I’ll mostly be repeating a lot of what I said there because it’s been a while since that post and because I want to. Who would’ve said that to Jeremy? Probably not Rich or Chloe, it’s not like them. It had to have come from an adult in a position of authority that could’ve commanded Jeremy not to speak like that - one that apparently did so enough times for him to internalise those words like he did the others. (Even worse if it was more than one adult ...). Out of all of the insults, it’s easy to see how that can easily be the most scarring out of all of them - how would an adult let a child know they’re inadequate? By silencing them. Making it clear that their expression of self not only means nothing, but should be forcibly avoided. Put like that, it makes it much easier to see how and why Jeremy fell under the SQUIP’s influence so easily - telling it was hardly different from authority figures he’s experienced before. In even more sad irony, as Jeremy claims that he’s breaking free and letting go of his past as the “please don’t speak”, he’s just walking right into another, similar trap that he can’t easily escape from. The SQUIP literally vocal cord blocks him during The Play - if that doesn’t say “Please don’t speak,” what does?!

The climax is growing! The music shifts into the relative minor as Jeremy fully gives in to the SQUIP’s evil influence. This is the point of no return, the point where he’s literally being surrounded and overtaken - if you’ve seen this on stage or even just a bootleg, you’ll know what I mean, when the lighting shifts and the circuitry start closing in around him, it’s wonderful. The bass ascends, Jeremy declares once and for all that HE IS NOT THE LOSER, THE GEEK, OR WHATEVER, and he never will be again! As some have pointed out, the sequence of notes on the final “again” is the same as at the end of Be More Chill Part 2, except the last note is different. In BMC part 2, it goes further down by a minor third, but in Loser Geek Whatever, it rises up to the same note it started with. This foreshadows Jeremy’s fate - that he will eventually overcome the SQUIP and that he still has it in him to do so. Man, let me just point out how amazing that last belt is - it lasts for a full 15 seconds in a really high range and takes a LOT of control to bring it back up to the high B without breaking. This song really was written for Will Roland - his voice can pull it off seamlessly, but other actors and understudies have had to find workarounds. No disrespect to them, it’s a damn hard song and it kicks ass all the way through. Scott Folan apparently had trouble with it too, but on the day I happened to see him, he pulled it off without breaking, so props to him!

Overall, Loser Geek Whatever is my favourite song in Be More Chill and not just for its sentimental value to myself. It’s a genuinely deep, complex piece that earned every second of its six minutes. Loser Geek Whatever is definitely the missing piece the show needed - not only is it Jeremy’s solo song, it’s also his “I Want” song and, in a way, his 11 o’clock number all in one, as he’s having a major epiphany after going on a journey, albeit only half of one. It’s easy to see why Joe Iconis dubbed this his anti-Defying Gravity, but it’s also easy to draw parallels to No Good Deed - how both Jeremy and Elphaba vow to become something that society is forcing upon them rather than what they are, even if that society’s will is objectively worse for them. Loser Geek Whatever deserves a thousand times the recognition it has and I still wonder to this day what the fandom reaction would’ve been if it had been in the original soundtrack.

So, that was it. I’m not sorry it was this long.

TL;DR: Loser Geek Whatever is wonderful and anyone who doesn’t think so is wrong.

[genshinconfessions]

"The English version has different lore!"

The English version has mistranslations. Which is bound to happen when the translators are on a tight schedule and trying to get across concepts non-Asian cultures don't have words for/aren't familiar with.

When there is a disagreement on what something means, I always wonder "Okay, what does the original say?" and hope to hear someone fluent (and preferably unbiased) weigh in.

To me, it feels disrespectful to know a translation has flaws and still honor it above the original creator's intended message. 

Anime fans push for the subtitles to be more accurate, there are complaints that big liberties were taken on The Squid Game's translation. So why would Genshin fans who care enough to discuss it settle on "Well, the English says this and we are speaking English so it's the one true canon."?

ahhhhh i did not know that people were talking about this!

about the squid game subs, i and karfield think that there's a lot that could have been done, but it got the point across to a wide, wide audience who might not have the background knowledge or interest in korean culture to understand more detailed subs. they were okay subs, not great, but they got the point across to a loooot of ppl who honestly probably don't care about the cultural references at all!

that being said, i personally am still dissatisfied lol.

what makes genshin different (and why i am such a huge stickler about these things) is that culture defines genshin. this is true in real life too, where language and culture are inextricably intertwined, but it's especially important in genshin because teyvat is made up of seven different countries with seven vastly different cultures. and not to mention that the original text is in chinese, where a lot of concepts and phrases are concise and, like you said, untranslatable.

but what you said about bias is, from a translator's perspective, not entirely possible. there's Always going to be bias in translation, whether it's for the source text or the target text. this, again, is because translation is about culture, and there's no 'unbiased' way to translate across cultures. a translation is always going to lean one way or the other, but in my opinion (and it sounds like you agree!), genshin's translation team should lean more towards the original chinese text.

my favorite example of this is SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT when you talk to venti after finishing the prologue archon quest, he'll tell you that vision-holders are officially called 'allogenes'. no problem, right? ...not unless you want to understand the Entire Point of The Game! in chinese, the term for 'allogene' is the much simpler (and muuuch more implicative) 原神, or 'original god'. obviously, 原神 is the name of the entire game! and for vision-holders to be considered 'original gods'.... the implications are endless.

but that's enough ranting from my end lol. i think there are a lot of reasons why some fans 'settle' for inaccurate translations. one of those is probably because mihoyo and genshin are chinese, but we won't get into the racism aspect today HAHA. another reason may be that they're young, and this is their first exposure to foreign media. quite clearly, if you don't know much about translation (whether through show subtitles, studies, or real life), you're not going to understand the subtleties behind having an accurate vs a half-assed translation.

the last thing that i want to note is that no translation is perfect! it is physically impossible to translate 'word for word' what the source text says and still have it make sense in the target language. this is, again, entirely because language and culture are one and the same. that being said, we can get close, and i really, really hope mihoyo's translation team keeps these issues in mind.

- katheryne from liyue

[imbellarosa]

Let’s Talk Calm-ly about Two Loves

OR: When you’re a grown man who writes stories for a living, you definitely wrote your own weird bedtime story, too. 

The TLDR here is that H has taken one specific listener around the globe, notably to Tokyo and Jamaica. He quotes an old Victorian Poet who was an awful human but who’s lasting legacy is the phrase “a love that dare not speak its name” which is - you guessed it - a reference to queer love. He also is super excited to spend what seems like the foreseeable future with this listener and has bought a little house with a garden of daisies with them and it’s very sweet and domestic. Anyways this is a wild time and it’s all under a cut because it’s...really a lot. 

Anyways I think the people I owe thank yous this times around to are @queenlokibeth​ who had to listen to me scream about this for a while, Astrid, who screamed with me when this came out, and “M” who convinced me to finally get to work in this fandom. And, of course, all of the lovely people tagged below who’s work I used to build my argument. 

1.) Who Wrote “Dream With Me”? 

Well, not H, or so the story goes. Two other people (Steve Cleverly and Sanj Sen) did! I mean, right, okay, for a while I was like...that seems like an odd choice for a man who didn’t want to hand Two Ghosts over to his own band because it seemed too personal. He wrote on every song in both albums’ he’s released thus far, because he seems to be passionate about telling the stories he wants to tell (even if he won’t tell you explicitly what they’re about). But for a while, I was totally going with the flow there, and the rest of this analysis would still stand: the writer of this story definitely referenced a poem by Lord Alfred Douglas and Harry’s own songs. 

However, I then read this fun quote from the Co-founder and CEO of Calm: 

“Well,” he said, “The the Harry Styles one is interesting because that came purely from Harry Styles himself...we took the approach of creating a sort of musical epic poem – he doesn’t sing, it’s spoken with poetry, but there’s a sort of musical sound bed to it and it’s pulling on things and themes that Harry’s fans really adore about him and associate with him. So his story was driven really by him – we really created a concept around him.” 

-  Chris Advansun, July 7th, 2020 via @hlupdate​

And I thought, hmmm. This does not sound like a project that he was not involved in creating. From this point on (July, 7th 2020), I began to think of it as a three way co-collaboration between him and the other two authors. But this confused me a bit, because there was largely a nonreaction from the fandom. I was waiting for an actual transcript, because I always fall asleep to these meditation stories, but it was being referenced to as some sort of Y/N fic, which was...honestly not what I expected, but also not implausible, thanks to the ~lovely~ image this man has had since the age of sixteen. But also, twitter seemed to be concerned by other things at the moment, and no one was analyzing the story. . 

In fact, I messaged a friend the day that this story dropped, because it had been kind of a shit show day on Twitter. Rumors were sort of flying about everyone and everything: had Liam shaved his head? Was he engaged? Had he and Maya broken up? Were Zayn and Gigi engaged? Had they broken up? Did Niall have a girlfriend? (this one was true lol). Were Elounor engaged? Were they pregnant? Had they broken up??? My personal fav was the bald Liam rumor, which he promptly put to rest in LP Act 1 by...having a huge mane of hair. 

So then I thought - huh. Why has today looked like this? I’m not saying that there aren’t days that twitter goes wild because of boredom, because there definitely is - the articles about secret meetings in Italy that are coming out this week (8/12/2020) are proof positive. So that definitely does happen, but it doesn’t usually happen on the days that there’s a lot of content. And maybe I’ve just been starved for content in this fandom, but I would consider a 40 minute video quite a bit of content. 

Then the transcript dropped. I’m using two as references - this one on Wattpad and also @carl-and-pearl ‘s version here (thank you so much for the transcript!!). We’re going to get into a more detailed description of what’s going on in the story, but the first thing I recognized immediately is that it was first person POV. I knew that going in, based on the number of Y/N jokes going around on twitter. Then I read it aloud, and I realized that it read like a letter. Like an experience specific to the writer and the reader. And while that’s not super uncommon to write about an experience from the author’s POV - I listen to a podcast called Nothing Much Happens: bedtime stories for adults which has a similar concept - I thought it was odd that they were trying to include both the author and the listener. I completely understood why the y/n jokes were pertinent. But at the same time, it felt like something had snagged in my mind - like a particularly annoying splinter. 

The conversations I was having around this story - completely based on the content, concept, and my own instinct - was that this story contained specific references to one person. I thought that it did read like a love letter, and that most identifying features would have been taken out, but the essence remained. Which, once I thought about it, was something that H excelled at doing. Think about Sunflower Vol 6 and Adore You and Canyon Moon and even Watermelon Sugar and Golden.  Ask yourself, What do I know about the person they are about? They have skin that browns, they have a secret, they have mesmerizing eyes, they’re willing to dance in the kitchen with him (to dancehall), they have a belly, they’ve been through hard times, they’re witty, they have an accent, and they have lips. I know - super specific right?

So the splinter grew into a thorn - what was I missing? And then - when I was looking for something completely different - I stumbled upon this old interview Harry did with Zach Sang and the Gang Show back in 2017.  For context, he was being asked about Sweet Creature. As you can imagine, it’s hard for people to believe he wrote such a beautiful love song when he hadn’t ever really had a long term relationship (two hearts in one home?? Who did you move in with, you can imagine them asking. When did you have time?). So what did he have to say about this?

"In my opinion,” he explained, “I think most songs are written for one listener. Maybe there's one thing in there that only they'll notice about them.... It's so much easier to say something in a song than it is to say it to someone and I think it's really amazing to be able to communicate through that and be able to wrap up everything that you want to say in three and a half minutes and say it in a song."

- HS, May 3 2017

By this time, please believe that I was screeching. Seeing this felt like he put into words the exact feeling I had about “Dream With Me”. It felt like a nod to someone that I didn’t know, which made the story hard to listen to, tbh. Although, I will say that when I did finally listen to it, it knocked me out and gave me odd dreams so. Once was enough for me haha! 

So my new operating theory is exactly what Advansun said: I think that H was the primary writer/the driving force behind the story. Because of the references I’m about to run through, because it feels like the way he tells stories, and because they admitted to him being more involved than they originally claimed. That’s going to be how I write the rest of the analysis - under the impression that H had a direct hand in the story that was being put forth. However, I think that the analysis itself would stand whether or not he wrote any of it. It would just be a more tenuous reflection of him than I believe it to be. 

2.) How Do I Love Thee? In Two Ways. 

Before I jump into the story, let’s talk a little about the poem that I want to compare it to: Two Loves, by Lord Alfred Douglas.  Let’s be clear this is not at all a defense of who Bosie was - he was a terrible person, particularly in his later years, when he’d converted to Catholicism and turned his back on his younger self, and his partner, Oscar Wilde. He was violently anti-Semitic, and turned his back on his own community. I want to get this out of the way because I very much believe that we should examine artists for who they are. That is, after all, what I am trying to do here. 

But his poem Two Loves has often been used - much to his disappointment, I’m sure - as an exploration of queer love in Victorian times. A line that I will be exploring more deeply in a second was in fact used against Oscar Wilde in his trail for indecency . He attempted - unsuccessfully - to explain it away, but it was too blatantly about their relationship for even the British Victorian society to ignore. I really, really recommend a read of this poem, because it is - despite it’s author - a good piece of work, which explores the themes of shame and love and longing between two men in that time. 

I’m going to start with my own background, as someone who’s analyzed fandoms before. I first came across this poem in the Sherlock fandom, with this analysis by @the-7-percent-solution​, when I was running in that fandom, and she explains the poem brilliantly in just a few lines. I’m going to take a little longer to run through it, but if you want a concise explanation and a brilliant meta, I encourage you to run to their blog and check it out. That fandom taught me most everything I know about catching symbols and recurring themes and “clueing for looks” and I love it desperately, still. 

But we’re here to talk about this fandom, so on with the poem! Essentially, the poem outlines a dream the speaker had: In his dream, he’s standing in a field with flowers - beautiful ones of all kind - and he meets this young man with clear blue eyes and bright red lips and they kiss a bit and have a picnic, and it’s all lovely. If you think I’m kidding, I’m really not. Please, read it for yourself. 

Anyways, after they did they did the whole picnic thing, the speaker and his date go on a walk in this field, where they come across two figures. The first is described as, 

“...fair and blooming, and a sweet refrain Came from his lips; he sang of pretty maids And joyous love of comely girl and boy, His eyes were bright, and 'mid the dancing blades Of golden grass his feet did trip for joy; And in his hand he held an ivory lute With strings of gold that were as maidens' hair, And sang with voice as tuneful as a flute, And round his neck three chains of roses were.” 

- Two Loves, 1894

The speaker, however, was drawn to the second figure: 

“He was full sad and sweet, and his large eyes Were strange with wondrous brightness, staring wide With gazing; and he sighed with many sighs That moved me, and his cheeks were wan and white Like pallid lilies, and his lips were red Like poppies, and his hands he clenched tight, And yet again unclenched, and his head Was wreathed with moon-flowers pale as lips of death. A purple robe he wore, o'erwrought in gold With the device of a great snake, whose breath Was fiery flame..”

- Two Loves, 1984

Of course, the speaker immediately asks the second man who he is. The second man says, “My name is Love”. The first man corrects him quickly: 

“ He lieth, for his name is Shame, But I am Love, and I was wont to be Alone in this fair garden, till he came Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.”

-Two Loves, 1984

The second man sighs and acquiesces, “Have thy will. I am the love that dare not speak its name.” 

It was, of course, this last line that really gave the meaning of the poem away. It was the line that was put to Oscar Wilde as proof of a romantic relationship, it was the line that went down in history as a way to refer to queer love, and it was the line that first stuck out to me when I was reading “Dream With Me”. 

The reading here is clearly that “Love” is the love that is acceptable to society - easy, sweet, and cherished. “Shame” is the love that happens in secret - beautiful, alluring to the speaker, passionate, anxious ( as can be seen in the clenching and unclenching of his hands), and proud. He refuses to call himself as anything but what he is. The first man may call him Shame, but he refuses the name, and instead, offers a qualifier to his own descriptor. He is still love, he is just the love that can’t be spoken about. 

3.) Walking in Golden Fields of Sunflowers

Now let’s talk about “Dream With Me”. I’m ignoring the first few stanzas (from the line “Have you ever wondered” to “What the two of us can find”.) because those are pretty standard introductory paragraphs to a guided meditation. So we start with the line “Let’s travel now to moonlit valleys...”. 

I’m going to do the same thing I did with “Two Loves” first. I am going to describe literally, in general terms, what happens in the story. Warning, I change pronouns from “they” to “you” because the whole thing confuses me, but note that I’m always talking about the speaker and the listener: 

So after doing the standard intro, the speaker and the listener take a walk through the woods enjoying nature, particularly the grass, the trees, and the blue sky above. You’re already clearly in love. Then you’re magically on a raft, with cherry blossoms all around you. If you want a good visual for that, here’s a site that has pictures from a boat rental in Tokyo where you can snuggle on a raft in the  Chidorigafuchi moat. And then suddenly it starts raining, and they (you) watch the rain for a hot second, and then the scene magically shifts again, and you’re under a porch (although I guess it could be the boat rental’s porch. They do usually have covered areas). 

Kind of furthering that theory, they then lounge by the shoreline, skipping stones and hanging out, looking at the snow capped mountains. In case you’re curious, because at this point I sure was, you can see mountains from certain areas in the city of Tokyo. 

Anyways, then it’s snowing, and you’re magically in a cabin, just chilling by the fire, and you fall asleep again. You wake up somewhere else.

Where are you now? Well, you’re on a tropical island filled with palm trees. As an American, my mind immediately jumps to the Caribbean, but I suppose it could absolutely be in the Mediterranean as well. The island has white beaches, mangroves, a turquoise ocean, and a gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere. 

If you’re curious as to what a mangrove looks like - and I certainly was - they are a group of trees and shrubs that live in the coastal intertidal zone and Jamaica is doing a massive restoration project involving primary school children to regrow this vital part of their ecosystem. More interestingly, there currently exist no mangrove forests in the Mediterranean, so my initial feeling that this scene would take place in the Caribbean was correct. On that note - again, because I was curious - Jamaica has gorgeous white sand beaches with turquoise oceans. 

But I’ve gone off topic again! After you’re minds are “in tune” once more (trying to find a heartbeat, anyone?), you reappear in a meadow, with beautiful flowers of all kind, where you are now walking hand in hand through a field of sunflowers, which give the feeling a “warm and golden hue”. Then you come across a little farmhouse with daisies poking out (clearly I have no way of locating this anywhere in the world, but I assume that the UK has both sunflowers and daisies). It’s an empty house which was loved and left because of the passage of time, which inspires my favorite line in the poem: “ The thought of passing time inspires/A feeling that grows stronger”. It’s just...really sweet to me. 

So, of course, they do what anyone would do when they come across an empty farmhouse, they go inside. And there, they begin to fall asleep, reflecting on all they have just seen, referencing other scenes of the poem: “ Moonlit valleys, Burdened forests, Gazing at the ocean. Summer meadows, Tranquil sunsets steeped in emotion”. 

The next few stanzas are just going to be copy-pasted, and then I’ll go into them a bit, but this is the end of the poem, so they’re the final reflections;

“The tenderness we feel When we are close Two minds as one Surrounds us and connects us But we’ve only just begun.

For now we dream together Of all there is to follow. And know that sleep will keep us safe From now until tomorrow.

Maybe all the memories That we’ve gathered here tonight Are all dreams now remembered Or wishes in plain sight.

No matter what They’re with us now. For this night and forever. And every time we close our eyes They’re yours and mine to treasure.” 

- HS, Dream With Me, via @carl-and-pearl​

And that’s it! The literal story, in short, is that you started in a forest, then went to Tokyo (maybe) and then Jamaica (perhaps) and then back to a field of sunflowers and daisies in the UK (which is also a guess, it could be Italy or France or Idaho for all I know, but let’s call it an educated guess). 

4.) My Dream Journal

So now that we know what happens in the story, how do we interpret this? Well, There are a few lines in the poem that I want to draw your attention to: the first takes place in the first part of this story, when you’re still in the forest. This is, I must say, the most direct reference to Two Loves in the whole poem/song/story. Both works are describing a walk in the woods with your loved one, and, in a fun reference in the middle of the story, Dream With Me says

The shimmering reflection Shows us smiling from above. But what we think But dare not speak is L-O-V-E love.

-Dream With Me, 2020

Remember that line I mentioned before? I am the love that dare not speak its name. Right, so that’s almost a direct quote. It also has a really fun nod to “I Would” (Would he say he’s in L-O-V-E?/Well if it was me then I would), but I digress. 

This first part of the narrative, I feel, really sets up what the rest of it will look and feel like, in the same way that “Golden” sets the tone for Fine Line. (You didn’t think I was going to make a post about Harry and NOT mention Golden, did you?? If you did, I’m disappointed!!). So  let’s take a look at what’s happening, and the language he’s using to describe it. 

One of the best things about this poem is how vivid it feels. Of course, I’m about to argue that it’s vivid because it was based in reality, but let’s talk about the sheer amount of detail he uses to describe the place he’s walking through. The valley (canyon lmao) is moonlit, the grass and the leaves make mosaics of green, you’re walking by the heather (the symbolism of heather is good luck, admiration, and protection), the sepia sunlight breaks through the trees. 

You know what it kind of sounds like? Sweet Creature. You’re about to roll your eyes at me! I can feel it! But listen, okay?  

“Sweet creature Running through the garden Oh, where nothing bothered us But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough”

Which, to be honest, sounds like what they’re doing. They’re walking through the garden in the sun, not daring to speak about the Love that he (they both) feel, and instead refering to it in veiled Victorian terms. 

And then we head to Tokyo! I know that you’re about to ask me why I think it’s Tokyo versus...idk, anywhere else? Well, for one, he went to Tokyo (to let it go) publicly in 2019. He was there for a few months, and there are some great pictures of that time: 

Look! Here he is with his club owner friend and his dog, and a fun red bandanna! But let’s be honest, the dog really steals the show here. But wait! there’s more! More dog content, too!

This was on Jan 31st, 2019, and he’s taking the dog for a walk! Very cute! If nothing else, he spent a lot of time with dogs in Tokyo! And the city fits the description of the story. So I feel rather comfortable with my interpretation that this first date is a memory of this trip - or another - to Tokyo. 

So what did “you both”do in Tokyo? Well, chill on a raft while the cherry blossoms flutter around you, clearly. You also refocused your purpose. What did he do in Tokyo in 2019? Well, he took time to think about and write songs for the album he was about to go record. Kind of like refocusing on what’s next, right? And then, in the story when “you both” had time to think amongst the lake and the water and the rain and the moon, and you’d come to the conclusions you needed to, you left. What did he do when he did the things he needed to? Well, he left, too. 

And where did he go? Well, in real life, I suppose he went to do his job. But, in the story, you’re meant to be falling deeper and deeper into sleep, so it’s sort of like traveling backwards, you see? Like counting down to one. So you end up on this island with turquoise ocean and mangrove forests. I’m calling this Jamaica. Why? Well, the description fits, for one, down to the four types of mangroves that exists within its ecosystem. 

And - probably the biggest reason - I can place him there, too. Here’s him in 2017:

I added this picture because the water around him....looks rather turquoise, doesn’t it? Kind of like he’s enjoying his time on a tropical island by the beach?? Oh, and here’s another one!: 

The red bandanna makes a comeback! 

So what are you doing in Jamaica, according to the story? Well, you’re hanging out, basically. Enjoying the beach and each other, of course!  What else? To be exact, “[Your] thoughts dovetail and unify/ In tune two minds together”. I’m so glad that you’re tuned like an old guitar now! Congrats! Really happy for you! 

What was he doing in Jamaica three years ago? Why, he was recording his first album, or so the story goes. I’ll tell you something: finding press for that album was literally the most difficult part of this whole analysis. I got a fair bit of the tattoo roulette with Kendall Jenner, and some things about Carolina, but the interview with Zach Sang took me like an hour and a half to find again to link. The fact that a lot of it has been buried is...not great, for posterity purposes. He’s going to want that one day. 

But I’ve gotten off track again! We gotta go back and finish our story, right? What happens now? Well, this does: 

hahahaha okay, I’m really sorry, but I had to. I’m not, actually, making it up though! According to the story: 

“ As minutes turn to hours We drift off somewhere new. And visualize a stairway To a door we now walk through”

- Dream With Me, 2020

So maybe Louis was just...demonstrating for you. 

Anyways! Where do you walk out to? A golden field full of sunflowers. You walk for a minute, then come across an old house with daisies popping up out of the garden. And that’s where the story ends. I guess you’ve made that farmhouse feel like home. 

Now to the little reflection he does on the outro. The lines I want to bring your attention are: “The tenderness we feel when we are close two minds as one surrounds us and connects us but we’ve only just begun” and “Maybe all the memories that we’ve gathered here tonight are all dreams now remembered or wishes in plain sight.”

Let’s talk about the first sentence first. In the context of finding a home that could be a shared home, and a future, this is very much an “end of the story, beginning of our lives” sort of thing. You’re back from all over, and it’s time to settle down, and see what’s next. 

And now the second sentence. I think this is the one that really drives my point about this story being a collection of memories he has - that’s what he calls it. The story is “gathered memories” that might also be called “remembered dreams” (think of how people say of vacations, “oh it was a dream!”) or you might call it “wishes in plain sight”. This feels in line with the rest of the story. In this stanza, he’s sort of letting you in a bit. If I’ve read this right - and I really think that I have - he’s giving the larger context for the story. It’s a collection of memories he’s had with someone he loves. 

5.) Cool! Can you prove it? 

I mean, I’d argue that if you read this far, I have proved it, but let’s make some more links, shall we? This was called a “muscial epic” that was “driven by him”. I’d argue that if I know my Victorian literature (thank you, Sherlock!), then he definitely does. Then there’s the fact that he quoted it, so. That did happen. And he knows what it means. And even if he didn’t, there were two other people on the story. Someone was more than capable of catching that one, and the fact that they didn’t speaks to intent. They want you to think of that phrase when you read this poem. They want you to think of that walk in the woods while you’re going on this one. 

And, as for my assumption that this is for and about one person, well. Think about it. He said that he writes his songs for a single listener. I’m not saying it’s the same listener each time, let’s get that right, but it is always just for one person. With that, and with the assumption that he’s been involved in the writing of this story, I’d say that the same rule applies. He went with someone to Japan and Jamaica (J^2 haha). And, if I had to guess, it was the same person. 

Why, you ask? Well, for one, if that weren’t the case, then this poem would no longer be for one listener, it would be for multiple. And, for another, imagine how awkward it would be to listen to it with his current partner and have to explain “oh, yeah that was the super romantic vacation I took with someone else” . And, I suppose that because I think that attitude of “refocusing” and “dovetailing” and “tuning” and getting excited about imagining all of the tomorrows with your partner speaks to a long term relationship breathing easily, you know? 

I’m also going to argue that describing the aura around the house as “golden” was intentional, especially when paired with the location - in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Those are both direct references to his songs. And those two songs are particularly linked by the number 28. The third song that features 28 is Fine Line the song, but that’s a different story. Anywho! “Golden”’s bridge just repeats the word ‘golden’ twenty eight times (if you go here , you can count the bridge) and “Sunflower Vol. 6″ ends the song with 28 “boops” (believe me, I wish I was making this up. I’m not.). So then, once again, you’ve linked a story to two already linked songs. 

And, even if you don’t buy the intentional repetition, they’re linked another way, aren’t they? The color scheme and the sun symbol. Sunflowers were named because of their sun-like appearance. They turn to face it. They symbolize loyalty and adoration. And then, of course, the sun is - say it with me - golden. And it - like the person in golden - waits in the sky, beautiful and dangerous and constant. And here that symbol is, in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. At home. 

This whole story feels like you’re taking the time to find that heartbeat that you think you might have lost, and sort of coming back to a space where you understand that this is what you want, now and forever. It feels like finding a home that could be yours forever, and it feels like walking through some of the moments that remind him of that. 

It really is rather lovely, if you think about it, especially since he has a tendency to attribute “home” to people rather than place, in his songs. So it’s like. Going all around the world and always being at home. 

[rallamajoop]

The Witcher: The Games vs the Books part 2 – Characters and Accents

So, I've already talked at length about the relationship between the Witcher books and games, but how well they captured individual characters is its whole own subject – and you’d better believe I have enough thoughts on it for a whole extra post.

Andrej Sapkowski's skill for creating vivid and engaging characters really is so much of what brings the books to life, and no matter how much work an adaptation might put into worldbuilding and plot, it's the characters you've really got to nail to get the long-time fans on board. Especially when you’ve done what the games have, framing themselves as a direct continuation of Sapkowski's story. Nothing invites comparison to your source material like basically forcing fans to read the original novels to understand even half the backstory alluded to in-game. 

So how did they do? I can only offer my opinion – characterisation is necessarily going to be a lot more subjective than just telling you what plot points the games contradicted outright – but like any fan, I have opinions in plenty.

Of the main cast, I feel Yennefer is the character they've captured the best. They've done just as well with some supporting players – I have no real complaints about Dijkstra or Phillipa, for example, who are favourites of mine in both games and books. For the main players though, Geralt and Regis seem to be the ones who's differences I'm most inclined to forgive, whereas I don't feel like they've done Ciri justice at all. Book!Geralt is much less of a smartarse, for one thing, whereas Book!Ciri is much more of one. But if we're talking about the differences, I’m afraid we really need to start with Dandelion.

Dandelion

For all the genuinely good work the games do with characters, old and new, I don't think I can overstate what a disservice the they've done Dandelion, who I could not stand in TW3, but is now one of my favourite book!verse characters. Alas, Dandelion is a prime example of something the Witcher games really don't do well: camp. Being the archtypical bard, Dandelion is about as flamboyant as any enthusiastically-heterosexual man can be: you should be able to spot this guy by body language alone, he should be flouncing around and he should talk like a spoiled noble auditioning for Shakespeare. Book!Dandelion is over-the-top and ridiculous and just so much fun, and I loved him well before I'd even really gotten into the rest of the books around him.

Here's just a bit of dialogue from one of his first appearances, to give you a sense of how he and Geralt play off each other.

The  bard  seized  the  fingerboard  of  his  lute  and  plucked  the strings vigorously. ‘How would you prefer it, in verse or in normal speech?’ ‘Normal speech.’ ‘As you please,’ Dandelion said, not putting his lute down. ‘Listen then, noble  gentlemen,  to  what occurred  a  week  ago  near  the  free  town  of Barefield. ‘Twas thus, that at the crack of dawn, when the rising sun had barely tinged pink the shrouds of mist hanging pendent above the meadows—’ ‘It was supposed to be normal speech,’ Geralt reminded him. ‘Isn’t it? Very well, very well. I understand. Concise, without metaphors. A dragon alighted on the pastures outside Barefield.’

Though TW3's Dandelion certainly looks the part, you have to go hunting through art from the Gwent cards to find much that comes close to really capturing his personality (see left pic below – though even there, a Dandelion who'd voluntarily break his treasured lute is a very hard sell). Though a lot of fanart does better (right-below – credit goes to Tatiana Ortaliz).

But as poorly as the games capture his flamboyance, they're not that much better when it comes to taking him seriously. TW3 left me thinking he was all talk and no substance; the books make abundantly clear that he really is renowned enough to be welcome in courts across the continent. Though he often overestimates what he can talk himself out of, he isn’t stupid either: he's lectured at Oxenfurt, spied for Dijkstra, and then there are the moments where the frivolous playboy mask slips and you realise he's sometimes much better at understanding people and relationships than Geralt will ever be (which is honestly kind of funny considering how many of Dandelion’s relationships end with plates being thrown at him from an upper story). He's not at all above mocking Geralt when he deserves it either (and especially his personal and relationship issues) – Geralt will happily mock him right back.

We never do learn how they became friends (I'm pretty sure the incident listed in the wiki is just the date of their first expedition together, not their first meeting), but Geralt just doesn't form lasting friendships or romances with anyone he can't have an intelligent conversation with. And Dandelion is a damn good friend to Geralt – one who, despite being a helpless, squishy little bard, will keep Geralt's secrets under torture, or will follow him into Nilfgaard in the middle of a war simply because you don't let a friend make a trip like that alone. (Seriously, I don’t ship it nearly as much as some, but hot damn there is some material in here if you do.) In short, it's basically inconceivable that he'd leave an amnesic Geralt wandering around Vizima alone, as he does in the first Witcher game – which is the kind of thing I can mostly forgive as a gameplay conceit, only it doesn’t really get better from there.

He’s also supposed to be blond, something I don’t think is technically specified until fairly late in the novels, but 100% what I’d been picturing since his first description as a man in a colourful bonnet with cornflower-blue eyes (let’s face it: Dandelion’s hair isn’t the only thing about him that screams ‘blond’). It’s a shame no-one from the games to the show to the novels’ cover artists seem to have noticed – but at least there are some fanartists out there who were paying attention (credit for these goes to Asphaloth, Ghostcupdraws, Hvit-ravn (tumblr deleted), 94355 and itsmespicaa).

As for the games? Well, I cannot speak to how Dandelion came across in the original Polish, but I think it speaks worlds about the priorities of the English version that they didn’t even bother to cast someone with a halfway-decent singing voice as their master bard. There are isolated moments of dialogue that come close to sounding like book!Dandelion– mostly in Witcher 2, which comes closer to capturing the spirit of the books than either 1 or 3, or his attempts to convince his captor he's a disguised noble when you rescue him TW3 – but his voice actor is just painfully ill-suited to the role.

Geralt

Geralt fares much better than Dandelion, though he’s still a little hard to square with the Geralt of the books. Book!Geralt spends a lot more time sulking, just to begin with: he sulks because his job is complicated and gets him no respect, and because the world is unjust and unfair – and, most of all, he sulks because Yennefer has dumped him again. He also gets mocked for sulking, and usually deserves it. Book!Geralt is generally a lot more taciturn and a less prone to making smart comments just to have something to say – arguably because in book!Geralt's world, making smart comments often ends at the gallows, or at least with some corrupt official making your life much harder. Book!Geralt's world kind of sucks, and he's just got to put up with it.

As much as he often plays into the expectations of being an uneducated monster hunter, he's also got a more of an intellectual streak than you’d guess. He may prefer to stay out of politics (because damnit, his job is to save people from monsters, not people who are monsters), but he attended school at Nenneke's temple and has even taken classes at Oxenfurt academy, and there's a lot of thoughtful nuance to his opinions – his speech to Ciri about why he can't in good conscience take a stronger stance against the Scoiata'el contains a wealth of historical perspective, just for one example. Even his smart comments tend to be, well, somewhat smarter in the books.

Book!Geralt’s explicitly a lot younger than Yennefer – around 50 is the usual estimate, falling far short of the 100-ish the games suggest (the scandal of having a man fall for – gasp! – an older woman clearly didn’t bother Sapkowski one bit). You don’t see nearly as much "I'm getting too old for this" from book!Geralt, who's really not that old by witcher standards, and is apparently still hunting monsters long into his future. I'm also a little annoyed by the way they play off his hatred of portals like he's a grumpy old man who doesn't like mobile phones, when his distrust originally came from having seen the gruesome deaths that result when portals go wrong. This is not to say Book!Geralt lacks other ordinary human flaws, however – twice in the last two books of the main saga, he gets severely sidetracked after his ego gets the better of him (in the adulation he receives after being knighted, then after arriving in Toussaint), and it's quite some time before he properly gets back on track for that whole rescuing-Ciri thing again. He’s also pretty hopeless when it comes to romance and relationships – breaking things off gracefully is really not in his skillset.

So why does game!Geralt not bother me more? Well, he's the main player character of a game franchise, and one who has to carry the experience largely solo. Some adjustments for genre are pretty much inevitable in that position. He's certainly fared better than Meve, for example, who's been softened far more from her book characterisation for her PC role in Thronebreaker. Then there's the whole amnesia thing – it's easy to believe that sort of experience would change a man – and if he doesn't sulk so much as he used to, maybe he's grown up a bit. Geralt's also in many ways the straight-man of Sapkowski's Witcher universe – there largely as the reliable centre for other, louder personalities to play off. But I expect the real bottom line here is that I do still like game!Geralt enough to forgive him a lot of what he lacks.

The books never do describe Geralt as being very attractive – something book-based fanart often tries to reflect. The point has been made before that the rather-alien-looking Geralt of the first game (left pic above) is probably a lot closer to his book-description. However, the main distinguishing factor you’ll see in book-based fanart is probably the ubiquitous headband, which genuinely is what book!Geralt wears to make his hair behave (the example on the right above comes from Diana Novich).

All that said, if Sapkowski really wants me to believe that nearly so many women are eager to jump into bed with him, I’m going to have to shallowly assume our witnesses are unreliable on this front, and Geralt is at least as attractive as Witcher 3′s take on him. Nothing else makes sense. *g*

Regis

Regis varies mostly in that book!Regis is a lot more smug, sometimes verging on obnoxious – and a lot keener to make fun of Geralt (who generally deserves it). But then, Regis is old and wise and superpowered enough to dance rings around most everyone else – can you blame him? By Blood and Wine, Regis' overconfidence has been recently smacked down hard after his near-death-experience at the hands of Vilgefortz, and that kind of thing could knock some chips off anyone's shoulder. Throw in the fact that with Dettlaff, we have a situation not even Regis could make light of, and the changes to game!Regis make a certain amount of sense.

I do feel it's a bit of a shame that the vocal direction didn't work just a little bit harder to capture some of Regis' smugger side, or emphasise that his long-winded philosophising on human behaviour is supposed to sound a bit pretentious. This is actually something I suspect they were going for a few times in the script, but which didn't come through in the dialogue quite the way it was meant to. Still, again, I'm sure I'm biased by the fact that I like game!Regis far too much to find much fault in what they've done with him. They've done a lovely job capturing his friendship with Geralt too.

Looks-wise, there's a tendency in book-based art to portray Regis with long hair (even some pre-Blood-and-Wine Gwent art did so – see the two pics on the left above, from Gwent and early B&W concepts. The right-most pic is cover art from the books). I couldn't rightly tell you where long-haired-Regis comes from, though – perhaps it's described more explicitly in the original Polish, or perhaps it comes up in passing in some passage I've forgotten, though it may just as well just be a fannish meme.

The books do describe him as looking rather like a tax collector, slim, middle-aged, with an aquiline nose, prone to wearing black, and his hair as 'greying' or 'grey streaked', so presumably somewhat younger-looking than the game would have it. The hammer-horror-esque sideburns are likewise a game-verse addition, though I do like the look they went with – it's distinct from Geralt in a way that making him another long-grey-haired man wouldn't have been, and that's probably the point.

Being the hopeless Regis fan I am, I have quite the folder full of different fanart takes on book!Regis, so have a selection – art here is by gellihana-art, justanor, greysmartwolf, Nastyaskaya, NatalyLanier, beidak, natalliel, ellaine and afternoon63. For what it’s worth, I feel beidak’s (bottom pic, second from the left) comes the closest to what I’d have pictured personally, based on how he’s first described.

Ciri

I find it much harder to rationalise the changes to game!Ciri, who I didn't exactly dislike, but found stuck too close to the role of generic-macguffin-girl-who-just-wants-to-be-normal to be very interesting. Having read the books, not only do I much prefer book!Ciri, I'm not sure I can emphasize enough how much the game did NOT prepare me for utter gauntlet of whump and misery that girl survives in the last four titles. Book!Ciri is a character who works for me mostly because of the same flaws the game mostly strips her free of – TW3 makes some token noise about how you can't tell her what to do, but she’s an utter little royal brat when we first meet book!Ciri, and it’s so much of what brings her to life. She throws herself into her witcher training with the enthusiasm of a kid going completely native, but still revels in getting to be girly for a change when Triss first arrives at Kaer Morhen. She hates Yennefer at first, but soon bonds with her just as strongly as she ever did with Geralt, picking up some of Yennfer’s haughty mannerisms along the way. And then she gets thrown through a portal and lost in the distant wilderness, and the whole world comes down on her head.

The build up to the first time Ciri actually has to kill someone is intense... and things only get worse from there. Steadily. For another couple of novels at a stretch. Seriously, a major caveat that pretty much has to go into any rec for these books (and I will absolutely rec these books) is that Ciri's story gets heavy. So heavy one finds oneself using phrases like, "that time that one guy died of his wounds on top of her while semi-consensually feeling her up was honestly one of the less traumatic incidents in the period."

By the end of the novels, Ciri has nearly died of thirst, been beaten, tied up, dragged around the country as a prisoner, run with bandits and killed innocent people for the fun of it, done fantasy-cocaine and got a tattoo, fought off more than one attempted rape, been drugged, lain for multiple nights next to an impotent elf who completely fails to impregnate her, watched the bodies of her friends and girlfriend being mutilated in front of her, and did I mention where she got that scar? She has survived hell, and it is absolutely a testament to her own strength that she somehow comes through it and puts herself back together at the end. When Geralt finally arrives to rescue her, what matters most isn't that her ordeal is over, but that she finally knows she hasn’t been abandoned by everyone who’d ever loved her after all.

The Ciri of the books is fierce and wild and arrogant, but she's learned her morals from the best, and she holds onto them until she can't, then picks them back up again when she can, and above all she survives. For all that her story turns arguably too much of the last two books into a slog of misery, oh boy does it pay off at the end. And that's probably about as much as I can say about her Big Moment in the last book without spoiling too much, so suffice to say that by the end of the saga, Geralt has pretty much become a supporting character in Ciri's story, not the other way around. (Seriously, you’d be surprised how few chapters of the last two books he’s actually in.)

Finding art which captures the aspects of Ciri’s character and history which are missing from the game has turned out to be pretty hard, though the fanart above from her bandit phase takes a decent crack at it (credit to Loles Romero and NastyaSkaya). I do rather like that one shot of her on horseback beside her girlfriend too, which comes from Denis Gordeev’s illustrations for the novels (below).

How much of this does TW3 get across with her portrayal in the game? Well, she's still pretty headstrong, I guess. And they let you give a 'sorry, I like girls' answer in one bit of dialogue, so they remembered her girlfriend existed. That's nice. But game!Ciri still has a kind of wide-eyed innocence that book!Ciri lost years ago, while book!Ciri is a little force of nature in ways the games hardly even hint at, and that's a really shameful loss.

You'd think, with a character so young, it ought to be easier to imagine she's simply grown up since we saw her last, but so much of what's changed about Ciri feels like a step back rather than forwards. I can shrug off Geralt and Regis' differences and still enjoy their game-verse-selves, but Ciri leaves me genuinely disappointed.

I’d say the official art that comes closest to capturing book!Ciri is that one portrait of her as a very grumpy young child (right above). Some of the early concept art (left above) feels a little more like it has her attitude, though she’s rather too yellow-blonde – not to mention too pretty. I think it also bears pointing out that Ciri isn’t really supposed to be the kind of beauty she is in the game – even before she gets what’s meant to be a seriously ugly and disfiguring scar. (Fanart below by justanor and bobolip)

But of course, the male gamer fanbase can’t be expected to give a fuck about a girl they wouldn’t want to fuck, so game!Ciri must be generically gorgeous. Le sigh.

Triss

I suppose I should at least touch on Triss, too, though she's a very odd case. She's so out of character in the first Witcher game that I am wryly amused that the biggest thing they arguably do get right is that taking advantage of Geralt the moment he showed up with amnesia is... pretty well in-character for her (look, I gotta be honest here, I'm not much of a fan of Triss in any of her incarnations).

The second game does a much better job with her – she actually feels like book!Triss, she has some good dialogue, we're finally dealing with some of her conflicted loyalties to the Lodge and to Geralt – though by the third, her characterisation has been so softened into “the nice one” that none of that potentially meaty conflict is ever resolved, or even really mentioned. Perhaps there's more buried in the Triss-romance path, which I've never bothered with, but the writers seem to have just given up on dealing with anything that might make her look less than wholly sympathetic. Heck, we hardly even get a clear statement about why she and Geralt broke up between Witchers 2 and 3.

Even speaking as such a not-a-fan of Triss, I promise there is more they could've done with the character the books give us. There's her ongoing trauma in from the Battle of Sodden, where she was injured so badly she was memorialised as one the dead: the 14th of the hill. There's her furious impatience with the neutrality of both the witchers and the Lodge: Triss has fought and died for a cause, and is ready to do so again. The second game sort of gets into this, but by and large, the games really aren't up to tackling the moral complexity of having such a theoretically-sympathetic character as Triss, who was still broadly willing to go along with the Lodge's plans to pair Ciri off and get her pregnant as soon as possible – her own wishes be damned. No, instead, Triss has conveniently left the Lodge before the rest of them go spiraling into abject villainy in the second game, clearing all that messy grey stuff out of the conflict.

Of course, the really big unresolved plot point still hanging over book!Triss is how badly she needs to terms with the fact Geralt's just Not That Into Her, and never has been – but since the games want Triss to be a serious romantic option, that's definitely not getting the resolution it could've used.

Book!Triss also pointedly avoids any outfit with a plunging neckline because her chest is covered with the ugly scars she received in the Battle of Sodden, something the games did not have the guts to reproduce. In a more confusing note, the books do consistently describe her hair as 'chestnut', which we'd usually think of as meaning 'brown' – though it turns out the games actually may not have been wrong to make her a redhead, since in Poland 'chestnut hair' apparently mean dark red hair (google some pictures of actual chestnuts, and you'll see why). Still, the firy-red-haired Triss of TW3 who wears nothing but plunging necklines remains a bit of a stretch, however you slice it. Once again, TW2 gets her best (and I must say, gave her the nicest outfit) – though even here she's conspicuously unscarred in all her sex scenes.

(Leftmost pic above is official Witcher 2 art, whereas Triss-with-scars fanart comes to us – once again – from nastyaskaya)

Shani

Shani sort of falls into a similar category as Triss as someone who isn't terribly well-served by any of her appearances, given that both exist in the first game largely to compete for Geralt's attentions. But I can't honestly say I find Shani’s portrayal in the Hearts of Stone expansion to be much better – the degree to which either version exists solely to fall all over Geralt is a bit painful, especially given that their relationship in the books is limited to a single, undramatic hook-up. Book!Shani really only appears in a couple of chapters: we meet her as a medical student friend of Dandelion's, who's been surreptitiously selling pilfered university supplies to fund her degree, then later see her again in the final book, where she proves herself as a battlefield medic during the climactic Battle of Brenna. She's pragmatic to a fault, and I really can't see her as the type who needs Geralt to point out to her that her patient is dead, for example, or who'd subject a guy with Geralt's problems to such an extended feelings-dump as you'll get out of her during the wedding.

Shani is a reasonably logical book-character to bring back, if only because she’s one of those who explicitly survives the ending, but for my money, "serious contender for Geralt's affections" is just not a role she works in.

Anna Henrietta

The duchess of Toussaint, Anna Henrietta, is another case who differs more from her book counterpart than you might think. In the books, the duchess is by far the least competent of the (pleasantly many and) various female leaders and rulers we meet – she comes across as rather young and naive, and every bit as absurd as everyone else in the ridiculous fairy-tale duchy she rules. She is, for example, most displeased to learn that Nilfgaard's war against the north is ongoing (something her courtiers have carefully avoided mentioning in her presence), because she'd long since sent the Emperor a stern note demanding he brought it to an end. She promptly has one of her ministers sent to the tower for misinforming her, and demands the others prepare an even sterner note for the emperor, which will surely do the job.

After Dandelion (inevitably) cheats on her, she has him repeatedly sent to the gallows, only to change her mind and send him a reprieve at the very last minute each time. Picture yourself a much younger and prettier version of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, and you've about got her general vibe.

Blood and Wine sort of waves at this part of her character when she first speaks about Dandelion, and again in suggesting there's a widespread feeling she lacks compassion, and once more as she proves utterly immovable on the subject of her sister. But the generally sensible and insightful woman you deal with for most of the main story is a far cry from her book-verse characterisation. That’s a bit of a shame, because I feel like there's a lot more they could have done to blend the two versions of her. Still, it’s hard to argue the duchess we get suits the story being told around her.

Other characters

Much as I love Yennefer, Dijkstra and Phillipa, I don't really have much more to say about them because I feel the games have done such a good job. The Yennefer of the books gets to show a lot more depth and complexity simply because she has more scenes and more space in which to do so, but when ‘there isn’t more of her’ is your biggest complaint, the game is officially doing pretty well. I could certainly gripe her about how “dresses in black and white” seems to have been taken as “dresses in black with maybe a trace of white trim”, or how Yennefer and Triss seem to be the only sorceresses in the world capable of wearing pants, when Phillipa (just for one) is in sensible men’s clothing the very first time we meet her, but that’s getting into serious nitpicking territory.

(Not that Yen can’t look amazing in outfits with more white – art by Emily Caroll, theclashofqueens, BarbaraRosiak, and cosplay by greatqueenlina)

Vesimir, Lambert and Eskel, Geralt's fellow witchers from the School of the Wolf, fall into a similar category for me – though we spend far less time with them in the books, everything we see of them in the games feels like a fairly logical extension of their book-roles. Vesimir is somewhat over-played as the old fogey, and his death is painfully cliched, but the impact on the characters and Kaer Morhen still hits home – and the games do some especially great work expanding Lambert into a much more complex character. To my mind, the only shame is that more of the book-original characters didn't get the same treatment.

Who have I missed? There's Avallac'h, of course, but I think I've got him pretty well covered by that last post. Zoltan, perhaps inevitably, has had his personality largely flattened into 'generic dwarf', with nothing better to do than hang around Geralt and Dandelion. You wouldn't know Book!Zoltan was apparently incapable of turning away women and children in need, for example – even human women and children with the chronic inability to say thankyou for his help. Or that he eventually admits to Geralt that the luggage he and his friends are carrying comes from a decidedly unsavoury source for such a supposedly charitable, upstanding guy. Yes, even Zoltan gets to be a morally complicated character in the books – who knew?

Speaking of dwarves, pleased as I am that Yarpen Zigren gets remembered in TW2, he's an odd one to talk about, since even in the books, he appears to have had a substantial personality transplant between his two main appearances. Yarpen’s a largely comedic figure in The Bounds of Reason short story, where he cheerfully admits to having considered letting his men knock down a particularly pompous aristocrat and piss all over him to teach him a lesson, but he’s evolved into a studious voice of reason against the scoiata'el by Blood of Elves. TW2 doesn't do a particularly good job of capturing either version, which I suspect probably bothered me more than most people – I liked the later book-incarnation of Yarpen immensely (and not even just because he's one of few ever to really call Triss out on just how much she needs to stop misreading Geralt's friendship as anything more than it is). His chapter in Blood of Elves packs a hell of a punch.

On the subject of accents

I do have to wonder if I'd have warmed up to characters like Triss, Shani and Dandelion (or even Letho) more if they'd only had halfway decent voice actors. It's not just that none are exactly leading the talent at the acting part of the job, it's that their American accents stick out in TW3 like a sore thumb.

Geralt mostly gets away his own US accent by dint of being the very first character we meet, so we've gotten used to the way he talks long before we notice how he stands out – hell, maybe that's just how they talk down in Rivia (hilariously, book!Geralt eventually reveals he's not even from Rivia, but simply picked the place and taught himself the accent so he could feel a bit less like the abandoned foundling he is, which only gives us yet more excuse for why his accent might sound a bit weird). More importantly, Geralt is meant to stand out, to be the outsider wherever he goes, so having him sound like no-one else fits the character.

But neither Triss or Dandelion are "of Rivia", and by the time they show up we've had dozens of hours in a game where literally everyone else sounds British, or Scottish, or Irish, or vaguely-eastern-European in the case of the Nilfgaardians. So why do these weirdos sound like no-one else on the continent?

The short answer seems to be that every character with an American accent in TW3 is someone who had an American accent in at least one of the previous games, which were way looser with their casting and had enough incidental American accents around that they didn't stand out. Clearly, by TW3, consistency with prior games has been prioritised over consistency with literally anything else we’re hearing.

Gaetan is an exception to the rule as the only new character (at least that I caught) with an American accent – presumably because between Geralt, Eskel, Lambert, Berengar, and Letho (and cohorts), some sort of 'witchers have American accents' rule has been pretty well established (another random American-accented witcher shows up in Thronebreaker, just to underline the point). We're going to mostly ignore Jad Karadin here, since his British accent is presumably a recent affectation to go with his new identity, and so makes sense.

This still doesn't really work though, since Letho’s school is all the way down in Nilfgaard (land of the Eastern European accents), while the oldest witcher from Kaer Morhen (Vesimir) is the one guy with a British accent. He sounds nothing like any of his students, despite the fact he's logically the guy they ought to have learned their accents from. So the logic falls in a heap however you slice it, and I'm thrown right out of the game.

With TW3 as your intro to the series, it feels almost as if characters like Triss and Dandelion have been assigned American accents because they're just too important to be saddled with the same pedestrian British accents as everyone else, which did nothing to endear them to me. The only one I eventually warmed up to was Lambert, and then only because he's just such a bitter asshole that he eventually goes full circle and comes out the other side (somewhere around when you've heard his miserable backstory, then gotten drunk together and told him how much you love him, man). Gaetan similarly snuck in under the same clause – American accents clearly work better for me in this series when attached to characters you're supposed to find pretty insufferable on first impressions.

Some final notes

To conclude, it seems only fair to throw in a quick nod to some of the more memorable book-characters who don't appear in the games. Neither Mother Nenneke (Geralt's sort-of-surrogate mother) or Vissena (Geralt's biological mother) ever appear either, alas – Vissena doesn't even merit so much as a Gwent card, which seems quite the wasted opportunity.

Milva, Cahir and Angouleme – the three remaining companions of Geralt’s who died alongside Regis but who were not so easily resurrected – naturally don’t appear. But nor are even really mentioned in all the games, which seems rather less than they deserve after giving their lives to Geralt's cause.

Cahir and Angouleme do at least have pretty badass Gwent cards to their names, though I am properly offended that Milva (who has the dubious honour of being my very favourite book character who doesn't ever appear in the games) is stuck with a card of her freaking death scene – which not only gets the scene wrong (believe me, there was no grimacing and gripping the arrow buried shallowly in her chest for poor Milva), but doesn't even bother to get her hair the right colour, for fuck’s sake. Basically, Milva was a stone cold badass and absolutely deserves better. #justice4milva

One can only guess how I'd have felt about some of these characters had I read the books before playing the games – I am obviously biased towards forgiving changes to characters whom I liked in their game incarnations, regardless of how they compare. Still, I think it does speak wonders that there still all these characters who suddenly made sense only after I'd met them in the books.

Even if only for Dandelion and Ciri, I can only dream of seeing a bit more of the book-original characterisations make it into the collective fannish consciousness. There's nothing wrong with getting into the canon purely based on the show or the games, but having read Sapkowski's novels, it's no longer any mystery how they spawned this massive franchise. That the saga wasn’t even fully available in English until well after Witcher 3 was released – a solid couple of decades late, and long after it had already been translated into Russian, French, German, Spanish and more – is a real shame. For once, it’s us in the anglophone world who’ve been missing out: these books deserve so much more than to be thought of as a footnote to the games or the show.

[jdunkirk]

if you haven't read the lovely and amazing "crash and burn" by @aureutr, i highly highly highly recommend it, it's one of my all time favorite fics!!!

with this said, i am a man with little to no chill with my fixations, and i took the self appointed job to translate a speech from it into mando'a, for funsies :) apologies to those who don't see my read more, but i'm going to do this

under the cut shall be the speech, broken by sentences in indents, followed by my attempt at mando'a, and some things i have to say, if there is anything!

This is a message to anyone who considers themself a Mandalorian.

Ibic din'jor at an aala Mando'ad.

1st, the thing that made this take the most time was just the fact that mando'a will drop lots of information/words, leaving it up to context or word order to be implied! so nearly every sentence is shortened quite a bit, as a 1-to-1 translation would be way too lengthy for mandalorian tastes

the first word i had to invent was "message", din'jor being my result. i drew from the words "gift" and "to give" which share the root din, and the root jor which relates a lot to language, speech, and talking, thinking it was a "given speech." as an agglutinative language, mando'a would probably have lots of words like this, and looking at the vocab i've collected it sure seems to, as some of these roots are seen in lots of words that have similar or related meanings :)

roughly, it translates as "This message is to all who feel they are Mandalorian."

I am the Manda'lor and I am calling you home.

Ni cuy'Mand'alor, jor'chaaji yaim.

2nd, verbs! the verbs, as listed on all translators and dictionaries online, end with a vowel and a rhotic sound (-ar, -er, etc), but this translates as the infinitive form of the verb when used! for example, hibirar is "to learn", but saying ni hibirar is grammatically inaccurate. you would say ni hibira, dropping the -r, to say "i learn"

cuyir is especially interesting to me, as even the -i can be dropped and the verb fused to the following thing, a kind of way to especially show what you are or what something is!

i flip flopped on translating the definitive "the" as mando'a uses it mostly in emphasis, and i wasn't sure if it should be noted as special that way. i settled on "it's a big enough deal just to say it" and left it simpler!

roughly, it means "I am Mand'alor, calling you home."

For too long our people have been flung out across the galaxy.

Or'ca'nara droten re'or'goora dos oyu.

3rd, some new vocab again! this time, it's mostly just fusions onto existing words to give them a different meaning. rather than using "long" as a way to describe the time frame, i settled on something that means "a long/extreme time" since it felt concise while better capturing the specific feeling :O a similar thing extends to re'or'goora, using the root verb and attaching the "extreme" affix to create "to throw hard, fling" from just "to throw" :)

oyu is technically a new word, as it's not listed in the dictionaries i used, but i took the root from "galactic", since adjectives and adverbs consistently attach a suffix to make new words, -yc or -la!

roughly, it means "Too long have our people been flung across (the) galaxy."

Our strength once came from our numbers and now too many of us are separated and alone.

Cuun kot r'olaro teg soletyce, naysol mhi dar'tome, solus.

4th, a moment about pronouns! depending on where you look, you might get a few different results for "we," "us," "our," and "ours" especially. i double checked over a few different sources to verify which translations are most appropriate to use, and the common ones to use end up being cuun and mhi. the uncommon ones are vi and mhor, being listed as archaic mando'a.

mando'a differentiates from english/basic in pronouns as the pronouns stand for both the nominative and accusative versions (I and me, etc). the other pronoun is the genitive or possessive version (my/mine).

roughly, this means "Our strength came from our numbers, but too many of us are separated and alone."

Come to Concordia.

Olaro Concordia.

5th, i debated about trying to transcribe a kind of mando'a name for concordia. it kept me hung up for a while, not sure what it could be or if i should even do it. in the end i couldn't think of anything and left it, but truthfully it still bugs me >:( it doesn't seem extremely out of place, admittedly, so it isn't the end of the world by any means!

We will be sending ships to gather as many as we can, but come any way you can.

Ven'mashuki me'sene joruur sa birov lise, olaro an arase gar lise.

this translation should be quite close :)

The Mandalorian way is to allow any who wish to swear a creed to become one of us.

Mando'ara duumi an meg vore urmanka tomur cuun.

6th, a couple original vocab choices again! there wasn't an easy way to translate creed, so i took from the verb "to believe" thinking it was like a "belief or faith." truthfully i'm not fully pleased with it, but it was another thing that had me way too hung up so i felt i should just pick something and move on.

the last bit, tomur cuun, was a last minute change honestly. originally, i had it as cu'laror solus, but upon reflecting i felt it was too literal and wordy again. i made up tomur, which i define as "to join or become smth"

roughly, this means "The Mandalorian Way allows those who accept a creed to join us."

If you hear this message and wish to do this you are also welcome.

Susulu din'jor bal vercopaani, gar balyc olarom.

roughly, this means "(If) you hear this message and wish (to do so), you are also welcome.

But know that the training is long and hard.

A kar'tayli bajur munit, urakto.

this should translate closely again!

Too many of our wars have been against each other for differences in creed, or in clan.

Naysol akaane ru'cui tio'r mhi par urmanka, aliit.

roughly, this means "Too many wars were within us for creed, or clan."

We cannot continue this and also rebuild our home, our culture.

Nu'sla'nri bal tu'gotal'u cuun yaim, manda.

7th, conjugation and vocab! the negation of something is doing by either a stand alone article or a prefix, depending on the extent of negation. with just "continue this" being the negated part, i settled on nu' rather than ne' because i felt it sounded better.

for "rebuild," i picked the verb gotal'ur, "to make or create" and extended that as "to build," then i attached tug which seems to be the root for "repeating, again."

for culture, i settled on manda which actually stands for this rather large and powerful concept in mando belief. in short, it's the "soul" of being a Mandalorian, as an individual and also as a collective. that last bit is what really stood out to me, so i settled on that, as it's short, sweet, and very fitting in my eyes.

roughly, this means "We cannot continue (this) and rebuild our home, our culture/soul."

And so I also come before you to declare that from today onward Mandalore has a primary guiding principle.

Ni balyc rejorhaa'i, ibi'tuur, ratiin, Manda'yaim gana alor'yc ruusaar.

roughly, this means "I also announce, from today and always, Mandalore has a leading principle."

People before all else.

Adate ru an ashi.

used Reu's translation for this :)

This is the Way.

Cui te Ara.

8th, the debate about definitive-ness was settled here, finally! it felt appropriate for The Way to be the definitive noun out of them all, given how important it is. ibic cuyi te ara could be correct, but it's just a little wordy for mando'a, so "this" is dropped and cuyi is simplified further, rather than it's affix form when attaching to nouns.

Reu translates "this is the way" as cuy te yust in her work, which i somehow overlooked when i was doing my own translation, lol. i think it fits just as well, as yust could translate as "way or path," so really which translation one picks is a matter of preference!

Mandalore is calling you home.

Manda'yaim jor'chaaji gar.

roughly, this means "Mandalor is calling you." i dropped the redundant yaim for home, since it's already in the mando'a name for Mandalore.

will i do a project like this again in the future? maybe...... gotta find something that tickles that pickle again, but i had a lot of fun with it so i'm probably gonna keep those eyes open :) thanks for reading <3

[mollymauk-teafleak]

just as much as all those years ago

Please consider reblogging and leaving a comment over on Ao3!

This is for my ever wonderful girlfriend @spiky-lesbian who is just the Best and will always be the absolute Best and I love her very much. Returning to my favourite comfort AU and of course it’s angst I write.

Trigger warnings: descriptions of an injury, specifically a burn

--------

Memories were funny things for Juno Steel.

They came when he didn’t call them and hadn’t asked for them. When he needed them, he couldn’t find them, only the ragged edged gaps where they’d once been. And they were never whole either. They came as sounds, one random lyric from a song his brother used to warm up to or the sound of his mother’s footsteps in the hall or the way the coffee maker in the HCPD had always sputtered close to the end of its cycle. They came as smells, Buddy’s hairspray or the way the hallways had reeked in his old high school, the milky smell of when his babies had been brand new or Rita’s goddamn salmon things. They were fractured and jumbled and awkward to hold.

And they were so hard to tell from reality. One moment Juno was up to his elbows in soapy water, taking advantage of the boys actually going to bed at a reasonable time to get the dinner dishes done. He was whistling a song that had been on the radio as he’d driven back from the office, tapping the hell of his bare foot against the tiles in time with the beat that existed only in his head. He was tired, he had a few new aches to catalogue and he was perfectly happy.

And the next moment his nose was full of burning ozone, scorched fabric, heat and blood.

Juno froze, hands stilling and letting the plate he’d been soaping drop back into the water. Suddenly he was pulled into a handful of times and places at once. He was at the practise range at the academy, he was trying not to be sick the first time a perp had shot at him, he was pounding on his brother’s bedroom door and begging him to answer, he was lying on the floor of the Carte Blanche and seeing Sasha shake, he was a cop, he was a kid, he was a pirate, he was a twin without a brother. All because of a smell in the air.

And he might have shook himself, pushed it all away and told himself not to be an idiot if he hadn’t heard the voice and realised it wasn’t a memory.

“Mama? I...I’m sorry…”

It wasn’t a memory. Juno whirled, eye wide, heart no closer to restarting in his chest. His oldest daughter stood just behind him, holding her arm tightly with a hand that trembled, with skin that was ashen and a face wet with tears. His old coat was black from elbow to shoulder, one stripe of it completely gone and giving a glimpse of raw, red skin. A laser burn from a distance, it had just glanced off her but it was enough.

She looked so scared.

“Bianca?” he breathed, not really wanting to believe this was actually happening. His daughter was off on a job, of course she could never tell them much about it but she was meant to be off being young and reckless and having fun and swinging on starlight, just like her daddy did.

“I...I thought I got away but I missed one of the guards,” Bianca’s voice was tight, adrenaline clearly the only thing holding back the pain, “Mama…”

Juno swallowed hard, putting a firm, hard foot on his panic and shoving down hard. His baby girl needed him and when it was over he could go and find a quiet corner to scream and cry and rage about it. But for now he needed to get a goddamn grip.

“Bathroom,” he moved forward, sliding an arm to take her weight, just in time as her knees buckled.

Suddenly her free hand was bunched in his shirt tight enough to pinch his skin, his arms holding her as easily as if she was two instead of twenty two. As if she was as small and delicate as she had been then, when he’d first met her and realised just how much he’d be willing to give to keep her safe…

No. Not now.

He went to call for Nureyev, he was doing yoga in their bedroom, but Bianca’s hand tightened and she gave a strained, pained whine through her teeth.

“No,” she begged, breathing coming hard and shallow, the pain of her wound coming in through the cracks as she realised she was safe and didn’t need to run on sheer adrenaline, “Please don’t, not until...not until it’s covered up, I don’t want him to see…”

Juno went to protest but stopped himself, they didn’t have time and he couldn’t say she was wrong. Nureyev didn’t need to see this part, his husband’s field medicine skills weren’t as practised and when he saw the state their daughter was in, it wouldn’t even have mattered. He would freeze and he would break. Juno didn’t blame him in the slightest, he’d nearly gone himself, but he couldn’t hold both of them together.

So he kept quiet and carried his daughter to the poky bathroom of their apartment, moving quickly and quietly as he could past the twin’s bedroom.

“You need to keep talking for me, kiddo,” he said through gritted teeth, as soon as the door was shut behind them, “Tell me how you got in without any of us hearing you. Give me all the details.”

Bee Bee managed a weak chuckle as he sat her down against the edge of the bath, “I’m not giving you all my secrets, mama…”

Juno could dredge a smile for her, if she was going to make the effort, throwing it over his shoulder as he wrenched open the medicine cabinet and pulled out one of the many emergency first aid kits stowed around the apartment.

“Then give me all the moons of Jupiter in size order, biggest to smallest. I know your daddy made you memorise them.”

Bee Bee swallowed hard, shifting as she started to slump, “Um...Ganymede. Callisto…”

“Good, good girl,” Juno was more focused on pulling out the scissors and cutting away the ruins of the coat sleeve so he could start cleaning and dressing it, but as long as he could hear her talking he knew she was conscious.

“Io…oh mama, no, your coat…” Bianca tried to lean away from the blades.

“Bee Bee, I don’t know if you noticed but I care about you a little more than I care about some ratty old coat,” Juno sighed, ignoring her weak protests.

He couldn’t help but wince as he saw her arm, fully exposed. The bolt had only grazed her but clearly it had been set to kill, it had scorched a clean edged, diagonal path along the top of her arm. If she hadn’t been running away, if the person had fired a second before…

Juno shook himself and focused, it was clean and wouldn’t need more than a gentle dousing with cold water which he quickly set to. Don’t think about what could have happened, focus on what’s in front of you.

It broke his heart when she hissed in pain, the second where she clearly wanted to pull away from him, however much he could rationalise it. But he’d been doing some version of this for a long time, from the first time Bee had caught her tiny fingers in the door on the Carte Blanche.

“Hey,” he gently reached over and turned her face to him, “Just look at me, okay? You’re doing so well.”

His brave Bianca took a shaky breath and nodded, ‘Himalia is next. In the size order.”

Juno smiled with a soft, tired pride, motioning for her to go on as he applied a thin layer of salve and started to bind it with the smart tech bandages that wrapped tightly around her arm with no effort from him. They’d hold it fast and safe, healing the torn and blistering skin underneath until barely a trace remained.

But Bianca wouldn’t forget this. This would be another one of her memories, the ones that would come up when least welcome and stop her in her tracks when she thought she was safe.

Juno contented himself with doing what he could for her now. He helped her up, though her legs were still shaky, helping her take shuffling steps to her bedroom, the one they still kept exactly as she’d left it the last time she visited. Neither he nor his husband could ever bring themselves to move anything around, happy to admit to themselves that they were just waiting until their daughter came home again. So the old stuffed animals were still lining the bottom of the bed, the books were still piled on the nightstand, there were still soft blankets ready for her to sink down onto.

“Right,” Juno brushed a hand over her curls, “Now water, painkillers and lots of rest. Got it, kiddo?”

“Yes mama,” she sighed, leaning into his touch, “Um...I think I want to see daddy now.”

He saw the guilt flicker through her dark eyes and he softened it with a kiss to her forehead. He understood the instinct to protect people you cared about, feeling like you couldn’t let them see you cry or fall or hurt because you’d see just how much they cared about you and it could be so scary. Knowing so much of someone else’s happiness rested with you.

He left her to get settled, needing to take a few deep breaths as soon as the door closed. Just a little longer.

Nureyev was just stepping out of their room, his long hair pushed back from his face with a band that had probably once been Bianca’s. He looked calm, content, and his whole face lit up when he saw his wife walking towards him. Having to watch all that unravel, that would hurt Juno as much as any of it.

He tried to speak clearly, concisely, only repeating again and again that she was fine, that there would be no lasting damage or even a mark. But he wasn’t sure any of it actually got through after he finally said the words ‘Bianca’s been shot’. Because that was when he pushed past him and started running down the hall. Cursing under his breath, Juno took off but couldn’t hope to catch his husband on those legs, only getting there when the bedroom door was already open.

He was braced for tears, he was braced for the anger that sometimes came when Nureyev was feeling too much to hold within himself and had to lash out to try and grasp some control. He was braced to have to pull his husband out of there.

What he found was his husband and his daughter embracing as tightly as her wound would allow.

��I’m sorry, daddy,” Bianca was sniffling, har face pressed to his shoulder, where it had always fit so perfectly ever since she was small, “I know you said to check, you said and I thought I did but…”

Nureyev shook his head, his own voice thick but steady, “No, no, it’s okay. You did nothing wrong, as long as you’re okay.”

“Promise?” Bianca mumbled, still sounding a little like a child wondering what her punishment would be.

“Oh my treasure,” Nureyev drew back to hold her face in his hands, “I promise. All I care about is that you’re whole and well and...and next time, you will see it. You’ll get better and better every time, just like I did. I just couldn’t be more thankful it was no worse but...next time will be better.”

Bianca’s face flooded with obvious relief, she’d clearly been worried her daddy’s first response would have been to ground her. Juno had to admit, he’d expected it too.

Nureyev only touched her bandages lightly, checking everything was in place, “But...if you wanted to stay here for just a few days just while you healed? We could make room for you?”

Bianca gave a tired smile, rolling her eyes, “Only if you could make the room, of course.”

Juno leaned against the doorframe, giving them a few more moments together before joining them, giving Bianca some time before having to endure both of her parents fussing over her. As he watched Nureyev draw Bee Bee back in to hug her tightly and let her rest against him, he felt other times overlapping it, other times he’d seen that light in Nureyev’s eyes, the smile he saved only for their babies, the way they clung to him and looked to him for safety. He felt the years they’d spent together as parents, the memories sending warmth running through his chest, soothing the anxiety still gnawing there, giving him a few more hours before he’d need to release it. Hopefully Nureyev would be in his arms by then.

Memories were funny things for Juno Steel. But some were everything.

[itsclydebitches]

I’m the tin foil hat anon and I wanted to thank you for the response on my bb submission, you make great points. Although I was frustrated that some of them raised even more questions I didn’t think of myself… UGH… lol the S2 wait is gonna be painful

On the point of crosshair thinking his chip was removed a looong time ago(meaning before bracca or even as early as ep1) it wouldn’t make sense bc of his response to Hunter’s “you tried to kill us, we didn’t have a choice”. He says “and I did?”. So he seems to be aware he couldn’t control himself in all their previous encounters. Does it mean he knows his actions were due to chip then?

And you say crosshair avoiding the “when” question can be due to him not caring if the horrible actions he committed are chip or himself and it’s meant to show that he truly is despicable and evil. It could be the case because he shows absolutely no remorse or regret over slaughtering civilians, never apologizes to his brothers for not only trying to kill them but almost successfully incinerating(!!!) them. On top of that (apparently) without a chip he casually murders his own squad without a blink of an eye right in front of them.

On the other hand, he shows care for Omega’s safety in that episode and wants a better place in the universe for his brothers(even if it’s obviously a mistake). He sounds hurt and betrayed by them yet he still wants what he thinks is best for them. He seemed genuine and sincere in that moment. Even after they refused to join he protected them against the droids. He had multiple opportunities to shoot Hunter or others in the back but never did(and looked like didn’t even consider it). BUT after all of that he decides to raise his gun and try to shoot hunter who already has his gun drawn?! And in front of the whole squad holding him at gun point!!! WTF was he thinking?! WHY? I know they rejected his offer but still. Did his reveal completely change his plans? I just don’t understand. I know he is meant to be “complex and nuanced character with layers” but what a mood swing lmao

As much as I loved and enjoyed the bad batch overall I’m beginning to think that all these inconsistencies aren’t meant to be a crafty set up for next season. What they most likely are is just writers being vague on purpose so they don’t write themselves into a corner.

And as to why the batch and Omega didn’t even try to rescue their brother could just be so that Hunter and Crosshair would have this drama and disagreement at the end. Despite brad rau claiming their argument was over ideological differences. And Jen Corbett saying in that same cursed interview that the batch always love and support each other no matter what because they’re family. Well, I guess not crosshair, he doesn’t count anymore lol

And I agree with you I’d rather see the batch acknowledging they could have done more to try and rescue him than go into the chip details. However, I have a suspicion the real reason or explanation on why they never went back for him isn’t going to be brought up ever. Even *in universe* it simply does not make sense. Just makes me sad seeing how many people also try to come up with explanations. That should have been the writers job to provide something besides Hunter’s “you tried to kill us” bc that’s a weak argument and a total bs since he was SHOCKED to learn crosshair doesn’t have a chip.

Btw sorry for the long posts lol I just found your takes very intriguing

The season two wait is something awful and I only just started it lol. No worries about long asks though! My blog has become quite meta heavy over the years, so this is normal for my inbox. Besides, it’s a bit of a pot and kettle situation. It's not like my answers are particularly concise :D

Okay first, I have the unpopular (?) opinion that Crosshair was never planning to shoot Hunter, partly for the reasons you lay out here. You’re right, it doesn’t make sense, and rather than just accepting that he had that kind of “mood swing" (which would be pretty bad writing based on everything else we've seen) I think it does make sense that this was never his intention at all. Rather, it’s just a setup to make the audience think he’s about to shoot Hunter—that’s the obvious goal of that moment: the shock, drama, confusion, and then relief—but that doesn’t mean that in-universe that was ever Crosshair’s goal, even for just a split second. Omega leaves the pod. Echo, crucially, says that he can’t see her, setting up that Crosshair with his enhanced sight is probably the only one who could. He grabs his rifle off screen and as he does, Hunter leans over the side of the pod as he prepares to jump in, precisely where Crosshair needs to aim to hit Omega. Hunter is in his way. He’s directly in the line of fire, not because Crosshair is aiming for him, but just because that's where Omega is and they're both aiming for her: Crosshair with his rifle, Hunter ready to dive. The little shift Crosshair makes reads to me as him ensuring he doesn’t hit Hunter, despite him being right where he needs to aim, not him full on changing targets.

Even if we choose to read it as him deliberately aiming at Hunter—because yeah, the scene is meant to be ambiguous—I don’t think he, like, meant it meant it. Crosshair, as we’ve seen throughout TBB and TCW, can be pretty antagonistic. He likes to do things to get a rise out of people, like staring at regs until they snap at him, or pushing Rex’s buttons until he swings. If he was choosing to aim at Hunter in that moment, rather than Hunter just being in the way, I think it’s only bravado. Remember the “Don’t make the same mistake twice. Don’t make me your enemy” line? Crosshair has a need to remind others of his skill and power—whether it’s playfully like in TCW, or more seriously in TBB—and that’s likely what this is here. “Hey, Hunter. Look. I got my weapon back. I’ve got you cornered. I’m about to save our sister when you can’t. Remember that I’m good and you need me.” Those feelings of abandonment are tied up in that need to be needed, so when Crosshair is seething at being left behind, brutally showing them how he can get a drop on their leader and doing the thing they can't (save Omega) is a great way to remind them of what they threw away/re-boost his own self-esteem. But none of that means shooting Hunter was ever a real possibility. Because nowhere else do we see Crosshair willingly trying to harm his team. He does while under the chip’s influence, but then he never hurts Hunter when he’s captured. He kills his new team before they can hurt the batch. He helps them fight off the droids. There’s a tussle, but it’s not choreographed like either he or Hunter truly intends harm. Crosshair demonstrates no aggression during the entire escape, willingly gives up his weapon after saving Omega, and just stands there as they leave. If this guy actually wanted to hurt them, he would. Which is more likely, that Crosshair had a split second of real murder intent across two episodes of doing everything possible to help his team, or that this was just a mean bluff?

But personally, I don’t even think it was a bluff. I think the coincidence of Crosshair needing to aim there and Hunter already being there is just meant to imply an attack for the audience, not imply that Crosshair, in-universe, ever intended to hurt him, even for just a second. If he had, he wouldn’t look so surprised and sad when he realizes the others are pointing their weapons at him. If he was out to shoot Hunter, even if only for a moment, seeing his brothers come to his defense would be expected; a given. But if he only ever intended to save Omega, then seeing their weapons trained on him would produce the emotions we saw: shock that they’d turn on him and then severe disappointment. From Crosshair’s perspective, he didn’t do anything wrong and never intended to do wrong either. Hence, looking away in disbelief that his need to aim through Hunter was taken as a serious threat. He's realizing that they honestly believe that he would hurt them. Not the chipped version of him, but just him, all on his own.

As for the rest of his characterization, I think your point that “You tried to kill us” is a weak argument is pretty important. Meaning, Crosshair knows he didn’t attack his team and nearly kill them, the Empire controlling him like a puppet did. He (arguably) doesn’t owe them an apology for something that he was as much a victim for. However, we usually expect one anyway—like Wrecker still apologizing to Omega—because that's how people who have hurt loved ones react, whether the hurt was intentional or not, but that guilt is currently overshadowed by his fury that they left him behind. For him I think it’s a bit of a circular problem. Yes, he nearly killed them… but he wouldn’t have nearly killed them if they’d come back and rescued him. With the obvious disclaimer that the Empire is the real evil here, Crosshair as a threat is a bit of a problem of the batch's own making. If they’d done the right thing and gotten him out, there wouldn’t have been these scary moments like the engine incident. If they’d at least tried, then Crosshair likely would have been more guilt-ridden because he hurt his brothers who were trying to help him. As it stands, he tried to hurt the people who claim they're his brothers, but who left him behind. That's why he presents this second chance as magnanimous: from Crosshair's perspective, they haven't done anything to earn his care, but they're getting it anyway. An apology though? That's pushing things too far. If when Wrecker turned the group had locked him somewhere in the ship and gone off planet, leaving him there under the justification “Well, he tried to kill us!" would Wrecker still return with apologies for his actions... or would he be primarily pissed at being left like that, withholding apologies because they did him harm intentionally, whereas he did harm under another's control? I mean, maybe he'd be forgiving (the huge difference between his and Crosshair’s personalities is another factor), but also maybe not. Having Crosshair apologize for the near-death experiences requires 1. For him to feel responsibility for something that was forced on him and 2. For him to not be absolutely furious at the batch for abandoning him. They've gotta work through that before Crosshair can acknowledge that guilt.

Killing his second team on the other hand… idk if the batch cares, honestly. It was the killing of civilians that they balked at, not other fighters like themselves. Even the Jedis’ execution, something they clearly didn’t like, wasn’t enough to turn them from the Empire, presumably because the Jedi are capable of defending themselves. They fell in battle. It’s only when the Empire asks them to kill kids and untrained civilians that they go, “Absolutely not. This organization is evil.” Murder of other fighters was, you know, not great, but not worth defecting over either. Crosshair’s second team is made up of fighters who have been trying to kill them, so they’re definitely fair game. If we removed Crosshair’s plan from the situation and the batch was just fighting their way off Kamino after a capture, would they have also killed the team without a blink of an eye? Probably. It's self-defense. The second they raised their blasters it became a battle and, unless you’re specifically out to stun someone for some reason, battles end bloody. The shock is which side Crosshair was on, not that one side was willing to murder the other. It’s definitely messed up from our perspective that Crosshair laid a trap to murder his team to prove a point… but from the batch’s perspective? Crosshair killed a bunch of imperial fighters who were threatening them during a battle. That’s just an average Tuesday for them, nothing much to get upset over.

And omg don’t get me started on Crosshair wanting to find Omega a family! Like yeah, it’s obviously a #mistake and his faith in the Empire is Super Messed Up but... the underlying motivation is so good. It’s another situation where there’s no easy answer. Which is more important: Omega’s emotional health where she grows up with clones like her, the people who are now 100% her family, or her physical health, where she stays some place where she’s not always getting shot at, kidnapped, at risk of going hungry, etc.? It’s easy as the audience to go, “Of course she belongs with her dads!!” but if you choose to read the story through any realistic lens, Crosshair absolutely has a point about this being terrible environment for a kid, the exact point the batch themselves were making until Omega begged to stay. I love my feral, compassionate child but let me tell you, I YELLED when she yeeted herself out of that pod. This is a traumatized, formerly isolated kid with absolutely zero self-preservation, combined with, at times, a lack of basic common sense that’s inevitable in children (like not realizing she can’t pull a very heavy droid up through the water). As emotionally gutting as the thought is and, in this particular case, a Very Bad Idea, I really can’t fault anyone for raising the possibility that she go somewhere else, somewhere she’s likely to survive into her teens 😅

[spaceorphan18]

Do you think Blaine loved Kurt more than Kurt loved him?

No. 

Before I go into it a little deeper, and Nonny, I’m not addressing this little soapbox speech at you, I just need to say -- that this kinda shit is why the Better Boyfriend Olympics spun so out of control when the show was airing.  There was this weird kind of gatekeeping (?) around what constituted a “good” boyfriend (partner, whatever) -- and when either Blaine or Kurt didn’t fit into what the other side wanted in some idyllic partner, all hell broke loose and it felt like WW3 all the time.  

There’s this book called The 5 Love Languages.  And while it’s a bit reductive in scope (with heavily Christian themes) the point of it is that people express and receive love in different ways -- and just because two people express things like love in different ways doesn’t mean one is better than the other.  

Love is a concept that humans created to describe an emotional attachment that -- despite people trying really hard to -- can’t be singularly measured.  I assume you love your Mom and your partner and your cat and you bff and Glee in entirely different ways, but you still love all those things, right? Do you sit and make a hierarchy of how that works? More so - let’s say you love chocolate cake.  Do you need to make orgasmic sounds every time you enjoy yourself a piece of chocolate cake to prove you really love it?  

No? So why do we place this on our fictional characters -- mostly it comes out of a twisted competition where one side needs the other to be ‘worthy’ of the other’s love and/or affection, and it’s kinda gross, tbh.  And I don’t mean you can fanfic yourself a different ship -- go right ahead! And I don’t mean you can’t be unhappy that a canon couple is together -- sure! What I do mean is that don’t use your version of love expression to define whether or not someone is loving someone too much or too little. 

That said - let’s talk about Kurt and Blaine and how they love.  First of all, they’re both romantics. They both have idyllic ideas about how said romantic relationship works -- and because of this, this is why the relationship failed -- twice.  Once when Kurt thought he could coast on his fairy tale relationship, neglecting that real relationships involve two partners willing to work through their issues, and once when Blaine thought he could magic away issues through grand romantic gestures and learned that he could be on his own without the reliance of the (false) happily ever after.  But I digress.  

Blaine is more outward in his expression of love.  He does the grand gestures, the serenades, the over-the-top proposals -- he’s the one who says I Love You because he can’t hold it in.  His heart is firmly on his sleeve most of the time.  And because of that -- we see specific and explicit examples of Blaine expressing his love because of it.  

Blaine also loves easily.  He thought he was in love with Jeremiah after a few coffee dates, and he gave Karofsky a chance in a very short amount of time.  He also formed a quick attachment to Sam.  (Blaine also has a neediness and clinginess about him that is often misconstrued as examples of love - but that’s a whole other conversation.)  

Because Blaine loves easily and outwardly, does that make his love for Kurt mean any more or less? Not at all -- his love for Kurt is very real and special, and shouldn’t be undermined.  He’s not superficial in his love, and I think that’s the key thing here.  

Meanwhile - Kurt, which is probably the heart of where this question wants to go.  Kurt is almost the opposite.  Kurt holds his heart close to his chest, even if he’s bad at it (see - crushes on Finn and later Blaine).  But the difference between Kurt having a crush and Kurt being in love is that his love runs very, very deep and is unwavering.  I should also note that Kurt doesn’t love easily -- it takes a lot for Kurt to trust anyone enough to be considered someone he loves, let alone someone he’d be in a romantic relationship where he gives out his heart. 

Unlike Blaine, Kurt is not very outward with his expression of love, and what’s in his heart is a very private matter that really only he is privvy to.  Think about Grilled Cheesus for a second - his dad almost dies, but he does not want the comfort of his friends around, because he feels that his relationship with is dad is sacred to them only.  Letting other people in on that is hard, because that his emotions are such a private thing for him, and because he’s so used to having them be a private thing, opening up is a hard an vulnerable thing to do.  

There are very few people Kurt is vicious to in the show.  Kurt and Rachel, while I do believe in their friendship, can handle that kind of vicious back and forth that is one of the foundations of their relationship.  But Kurt is not vicious with Blaine -- at all.  (What about that one time he called Blaine psycho! -- **rolls eyes** okay that one comedically over the top argument aside, where Blaine definitely knows how to push back...I stand by what I said.)  Kurt’s actually incredibly soft with Blaine more than he is with just about anyone else on the show. 

When Kurt says something is precious to him -- he means it, and he wants to protect that.  That is why when they broke up the first time, he’s world was so shattered.  This perfect thing that meant so much to him wasn’t what he thought it was and he was very deeply bruised by it (he needed to learn the lesson, and see Blaine as a real boy - but I digress).  That is why he broke it off with Blaine the second time -- because he felt like he was supposed to preserve that specialness, and didn’t want to tarnish it anyway - so running from it felt like the best choice. 

That is why when he says ‘I love you;, ‘’ll always love you’, and ‘I’m never saying goodbye to you’ you can trust that he means it.  There isn’t a moment on the show, since Kurt met Blaine, that Kurt didn’t love him.  

Kurt isn’t going to have the big moments that Blaine has, because that’s not who he is -- but there is a ton of deeper subtext within a lot of things that makes it all the more delicious.  

During Season 4 - when Rachel is talking about taking NYC by storm with their new men, and Kurt being over the break up - Kurt looks ill, cause he’s not over it, he’s still very much in love with Blaine.  When he’s claiming he just wants to be friends (with benefits) there’s an underlayer there that Kurt’s heart is still very much with Blaine.  During season 5 - Kurt tries, making sure he’s calling and checking in with Blaine.  During season 6 - it’s that look in the elevator when Kurt’s worried that Blaine may not want him anymore, but he can’t help that he’s so deeply still in love.  

(I also need to add that Kurt’s not the greatest at expressing his love, and often does so with Blaine by having sex, which leads to a whole other set of issues when Blaine withdraws from sex, which is a whole different fascinating conversation to have.) 

And I could go on and on and on about how Kurt shows his love... 

Eesh, I wish I was better at being focused and concise in these things.  But bottom line -- Blaine and Kurt express their love in different ways -- one is more visible than the other, but it doesn’t mean that one is better or ‘more’ than the other.  By the time they work their shit out at the end of the series, they’re aware of how they love each other, and are okay with that.  Doesn’t mean they won’t continue have to various issues to work on, but that also doesn’t mean they love each other any less.