#which is normally fine but some things trigger me still and this is just hitting a little too close to home physically and metaphorically

[paperstorm]

So I decided to resend this ask from last week in a more vague way without calling anyone out specifically. I normally wouldn't do that, but this is an issue that I think should be addressed and you have an uncanny ability to do that in a very diplomatic way.

We all know that TK is an addict, has been for a long time, and has had multiple relapses. However it's important to understand that every minor inconvenience isn't going to send him running to find the nearest dealer. He's not clocking which alleyways have shady people there slinging dope so he knows where to stop on his way home after a bad shift. Even more serious issues, like the brief but unpleasant miscommunication between him and Carlos when Iris disappeared won't have him desperately needing a heroin fix. The people in his life don't need to walk on eggshells around him or form a perimeter around the loft to keep him from scurrying to a street corner or a bar. TK is SO much stronger and more capable than that and I think he deserves far more credit than he gets.

It's a disservice to TK as a character (and to other addicts as well) to assume that they're living their lives with one foot dangling over the edge of the proverbial wagon ready to jump at the first hint of trouble.

Oh thank you for resending this, you made some great points in the first ask but I never wanna hurt anyone's feelings by putting them on blast. I agree with all of this. I'm not ever telling people how to think or how to write fic but here are a few things I would love if this fandom in general understood about addiction:

It is a lifelong struggle. Many addicts think about their drug of choice every single day, forever. That doesn't mean recovering addicts are perpetually one bad day away from being dead in an alley. It's much more complicated than that.

Relapses happen, and don't mean that someone isn't still in recovery. Healing is not linear.

It is okay for people who love addicts to worry about them. But if they are deep into their recovery like TK is, it is insulting and disrespectful for people who love him to treat him like he's always one bad day away from being dead in an alley. He doesn't need a babysitter. He doesn't need people walking on eggshells. Treating him that way tbh makes relapsing more likely, because it would make him feel like "well wtf is the point of abstaining, then, if people are gonna treat me like I'm a baby who can't handle myself anyway?"

Temptation doesn't just happen as a result of something Big and Bad. Sense memory is a hell of a thing. Sometimes I'm walking around doing perfectly fine and then I smell something or I see a road sign or I hear a sound that triggers a memory and the temptation hits. It can be as simple as "I'm in a store - I see a yellow shirt - four years ago I bought a yellow shirt and then later that night I used - now I want to use". You brain creates patterns, it doesn't need to be a traumatic event to bring up those thoughts.

Carlos drinking around him is not him being careless or thoughtless or disrespectful of TK's recovery. No addict is addicted to literally every substance with addictive qualities. He abstains from alcohol because he knows he has an addictive personality and it's safer for him to not drink, but he wasn't addicted to alcohol, so other people drinking does not bother him.

Recovery looks different for everyone. AA/NA meetings are not the only road to it, and tbh, often they are very heavily influenced by Christianity and therefore not a viable path for everyone.

Temptation is literally just that - you are tempted. It doesn't mean he's going to use every time he thinks about it. How many times have you wanted a cookie and not eaten one, or wanted to buy something expensive and talked yourself out of it? TK thinking about using is the same. He's not in danger of relapsing every time the thought crosses his mind. He is a grown up who is capable of self control and it is insulting to suggest otherwise.

Carlos Reyes is the most wonderful man on the planet. Reading articles, calling TK's sponsor even though he's insecure about TK needing someone else, trusting TK when he says it's okay to drink around him, not treating him like he's fragile, "I believe in TK's recovery with my whole heart." He is the model for how to love an addict and I love this show so much for giving that to us.

[flock-talk]

Just want to make a list of Newts overall symptoms and behaviour changes since I really did not think he was sick at first. And seeing this list might help someone catch their bird’s illness sooner!

No major weight loss but the weight would stay stable regardless of how much he ate. He dropped a tiny bit of weight but nothing that would be noted as concerning, he stayed within his healthy weight range and we were still in the middle of getting him on a diet to bring him down to his healthy weight so it didn’t strike me as odd.

Fluctuating appetite, he continuously did want to eat but some days he would eat 7x his regular amount of pellets. He didn’t outright lose or decrease appetite which is what they normally tell you to look for. (Still unsure if this is a symptom of infection or a result of grief) he got a little picky about his vegetables (he normally gobbles up everything in sight) wanting to eat only certain ones or not eat many veggies at all

Dry sneezes. No discharge. No redness or inflammation in his nose or throat. No respiratory sounds/ wheezing/ etc. what was weird was that he was sneezing more often. Doing a couple sneezes after flying or being sneezy first thing in the morning (sneezes would stop/ decrease by midday usually). The amount of sneeze increase wasn’t always obvious either, it would be like 4 sneezes for a day when he may regularly do 1, it was just the context of the sneeze that didn’t make sense (not preening/ bathing/ scratching that would normally trigger a sneeze)

The vet’s physical exam showed nothing abnormal- healthy lungs, nose and throat. The only thing that was noted was that he had slightly more saliva production but not at any amount that would be typically indicative of illness

Completely inconsistent symptoms. The sneezing would be bad one day and then totally gone the next. Bad in the morning and fine by evening. We would change something and it would seem to alleviate the symptoms then he would start back up the next day. He would be sneezy for a week then have a whole week of seeming normal again before another week of sneezing. The only consistent factor was that morning time always had the most sneezes for that day or the only big burst.

Still completely normal as far as activity goes. Even while sneezing he would appear perky and alert. Still chewing on toys, flying, being rambunctious, preening, bathing, his overall demeanour never changed.

Droppings were all healthy and normal. Nothing discoloured or runny, completely normal. Always.

Avoided cued vocalizations. Even with high value treats he wouldn’t want to say his cued words (good boy, etc). When he did say them they were very whispered. At the time I thought this was related to losing Mia/ not wanting to be vocal since he was depressed but now I’m thinking his throat must have been sore/ congested.

No real excessive scratching or face rubbing, he would just scratch his nose after a sneeze which isn’t totally uncommon to begin with

And a video of the sneeze fit at it’s worst, he would sneeze like this just once at the start of the week only in the morning. By the end of the day it would just be bursts of 1-2 sneezes following flight, every subsequent day would just have weirdly placed sneezes, these big sneeze fits in the video only happened twice during the entire symptomatic period and always right at the start of the next weird sneezy week cycle.

Because of how inconsistent it was, how dry the sneezes were, and all of this following the loss of Mia and start of bird room construction I assumed that it was either related to his allergies (which had an identical sneeze fit), or an airborne contaminant and the behaviour/ diet changes were related to grief.

After exhausting every option at home without any consistent improvements we hit up the vet and he was placed on a broad antibiotic just to play it safe. Within 24 hours the sneezing stopped entirely. Three full days in now with 0 symptoms and him putting on weight as he normally would again.

If you’ve got any questions feel free to ask them, anything to help others be able to recognize illness that doesn’t fit the stereotypical “sick” symptom list!

[cloveroctobers]

beautiful life — fez

A|N: I was going to save this until premiere night but I changed my mind lol. This is for all my fez loving whores 🙃 we love a caring king! And that’s what this one is about, enjoy 💫

Used this prompt btw: https://screnwriter.tumblr.com/post/671735614394286080/only-one-bed-prompts

******•••••*****••••****••••***••••****••••**•

Fez had to get the both of you to a hotel and quick. He knew it was a bad idea for you to tag along to his business ordeal in Nevada but somehow you persuaded him to let you come along. Normally he knew ashtray could handle shit for at least 24 hours when he couldn’t be around but this time? This trip lasted longer than expected, a whole 48 hours since the slime he was doing business with, thought you were part of the transaction.

Which included being kidnapped, held hostage, beat on, and most likely being pimped out to some other goons this dude knew. It was not unfamiliar territory for you but you left Vegas for a reason…not be dragged back into it.

This dude reminded fezco of mouse but worst and that required fez to reach out to some people that you and himself knew out in the NV. You were originally from Las Vegas and left for good reasons, which is why fez didn’t want to bring you along in case that brought on triggers or some shit. However you were loyal and didn’t feel comfortable having your best friend travel to some sketch drop by himself. Even if it was just him and Ash going to another state by themselves it wouldn’t sit right with you. 

Those two liked to do things all on their own until they started getting involved with others due to mouse’s demands. You always trusted your gut and found yourself to be right. Long story short? The dude that fez was doing business with didn’t expect you to know Crenshawn, who was on it as soon as he got word of what was going down.

You fought back a yawn as your cheek rested against the car door while Fez occasionally kept glancing over at you as the both of you were brought back into the city life. The bags underneath his eyes were puffy and beginning to hurt but none of that mattered right now. The gravel was damp and smelled of rain but it was comforting to you as the wind caressed your bruised skin.

The last thing you needed was anybody asking questions with the way you looked with fez carrying some duffel bags. You placed shades over your eyes and threw the velour hood of your jacket on top of your short passion twists (that still poked out) and made sure your arms were covered as well. Fez led the way into the cold hotel and gave a name to the man with locs who sat to the left at the front desk.

A card was slid his way and he nudged his head for you to follow, “we’re good, y/n.”

After keeping your distance, you followed fez into the elevator up to the eighth floor; you kept biting down on your tongue to keep from snapping on fez who kept burning his sea green eyes into your frame. When the doors opened with a gush of wind, you pushed off the walls and lead the way—not entirely sure where you were going but you couldn’t stand being stared down.

“of course there’s only one bed.” You muttered as the both of you entered the room.

Fez sniffed, “don’t know what crenshawn was thinking but I’ll take the chair then.”

You lowered your hood and snatched the glasses off your face, “no you won’t.”

“I won’t?” Fez glanced over at you after dropping the bags by the window, which he soon peeked out of.

Kicking off your Nike dunks you made your way around the room to find your bag, “yeah, you heard me. I have first dibs in the bathroom okay?”

“Coo. Imma grab some ice and hit the vending machine unless you want room service? Shawn offered but I’ll leave that up to you? What you feeling?” Fez asked.

You sighed, “I really want to knock out but the vending machine is fine…just don’t go missing on me.”

And fez tried his hardest not to let the softness reach his eyes, he didn’t want you to feel like he was pitying you or anything. He already felt like shit about this but he knew you felt worst, so he just wanted to keep you comfortable as best as he could.

As quick as you said that, you disappeared into the bathroom. Fez rubbed at his face tiredly before checking his pocket to make sure he had some bills then left to find a vending machine.

He was back long before you came out the bathroom and was patient in doing so. He even left the hotel real quick to head to the gas station across the street since this bougie ass hotel put locks on their vending machines after a certain time? Plus the prices were cheaper at the station, so with a bag full of goodies he made it back, just to pace the floor, wondering if he should check in or not.

The shower was running for a good while so once he got too tired of pacing with his phone and tearing up some bag of cookies, you came out in a big white t (that looked a whole lot like his) and some dolphin shorts.

“You good?” He asked, running his hand over his buzzed hair as he watched how you moved.

You sat on the edge of the bed carefully, “mhm, never better. Nothing like krazy glue, Vaseline, and a joint can’t fix.”

“Thats why your ass was taking so long?” He chuckled with a shake of your head, “and you weren’t gonna share?”

“It’s still in there you know, I have quite the generous heart.”

“Don’t I know it, ma.” Fez replied before leaning forward to place a bag of ice to the purple and red bruise by the corner of your eye that trailed up to your temple.

His eyes trailed over your skin and felt his jaw tightening again at the sight. He sighed as he pushed off the bed silently heading into the bathroom, pissed off, based on the way the door sorta slammed behind him.

You carefully lay back against the bed, legs dangling off the edge as you cradled the ice bag to your face before your stomach growled. With your free hand, you reached backwards to pluck a bag of chips and candy to get into.

“what side you taking?” Fez asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.

He figured you would have been asleep by the time he got out but found you laying still in the center of the bed. Blinking you lifted your head as fez moved around the room to shove his used clothes into his bag. When he stood up he glanced at you with low-lidded eyes then at the door before shaking his head.

“Never mind, you don’t get a choice, I’m sleeping closest to the door.” He decided, as you winced, sitting up on the bed.

He opened up the night table on his designated side and placed his gun in there before tossing the covers back. You shuffled around the bed and Fez controlled his flaring nostrils at the sight of bruises that covered the back of your arms and thighs. Standing on your side now, Fez snapped out of it and grabbed his fruit drink as you did the same—except yours was peach ginger ale and the both of you downed your own drinks.

“Cottonmouth.” You both replied, a snort followed on Fez’s end.

Tossing the bottle into a small garbage bin, you grabbed some water next as fez went to fully lock the door before climbing into the bed. Plugging in your phones, fez rested on his back arm tucked beneath his head as you rolled on your side to face him but didn’t meet his eyes.

“Love you, kid.” He flicked one of your few strands of twist—which you allowed simply because you were too tired.

You shuffled closer resting your forehead against his ribcage returning the same sentiments, “love you too, Fergus.”

Fez kissed his teeth, “here you go.”

A small laugh escaped your lips that sounded beautiful to fez as your feet also slid over to entangle with his much hairy legs, “what? Don’t be mad that I know your government.”

“Whatever, go to sleep and stop trying to play footies with me.” Fez drawled with a smirk of his own on his lips.

His big toe nudged yours as you joked, “don’t act like you don’t like it. y’all love to move your feet and to do something called the jig?”

“That’s what you call this?” His big ol foot fought against yours, “wait…you talking ‘bout the irish jig?”

“Sure.”

“I’m more on the Scottish side but alright.”

“It’s still Gaelic culture.”

“Aight bro, you got it.” Fez was too exhausted to debate with you, any other time he would gladly go at it with you.

You laughed in satisfaction, crossing your arms underneath the covers; leaving fez to do the honors of pulling the cover up over you so that no skin was left exposed to the freezing room.

You weren’t sure how long you fell asleep but it sure sounded like a bear was coming to attack you in your sleep. When your eyes pried open to the darkened room, you cautiously lifted your head to hear the noise was coming from the person you now had your head resting on.

“Oh hell no.” You huffed, getting up from the bed.

Fez was awakened himself, feeling more weight applied on his body and his eyes snatched open ready to reach out for the gun beside him. Blinking multiple times, his eyes adjusted to you straddling him and he immediately relaxed with his hands going to your hips.

“I like waking up to this sight.” He drawled, a crooked smile falling onto his lips.

Until he felt you smoothing something along the bridge of his nose, “the fuck is going on—

“you’re snoring. it's annoying.” You commented before rolling off Fez who went to touch what you placed on him.

He inhaled the soothing scent that was attached to his skin, “a nose strip? What else you got in your bag, ma?”

“A whole lot.” You placed your back to him, resting your cheek against your hands ready to dose back off, knowing that would do the trick.

Fez rolled his eyes sliding over behind you to toss an arm around your waist, and he wished he could stay like this with you for the rest of his life.

No worries inside this room but just the two of you who had each other. Always.

As the early morning carried on, the both of you settled in each other’s embrace with fez’s beard lightly scratching against your neck with his face buried there. Your body was pressed right against his, locking you there that it almost eased the painful areas of your body.

To have someone hold you through the harsh realities that life could bring? Was certainly a beautiful life.

[maddiwrites]

Breathe With Me

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: After finding out who hurt you on that horrific night, JJ helps you through another panic attack and makes plans to protect his girl.

Note: This was requested a long time ago after a chapter of my rewrite was posted! Instead of doing JJ x OC, like requested, I changed it to JJ x Reader so that people who don’t read my rewrite can enjoy it too. Hopefully this is okay with ya’ll. 

Word Count: 3.5k

WARNINGS: Sexual Assault!!! This chapter has descriptions of sexual assault. Please do not read if this is TRIGGERING!!!! 

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Masterlist

It was another regular day on the island. Hot and crowded with tourists. With everyone working, you decided to tag along with JJ and Pope to delivery groceries for Heyward’s business. Usually this meant going to Figure Eight, your least favorite place to be. Normally it didn’t creep you out too much, but because of a rather recent incident, you didn’t like being there.

Right after your dad went missing, you spent a lot of time with Kie as she lived out her Kook Year. Avoiding the Pogues and John B and surrounding yourself with stuck up assholes and their expensive drugs and alcohol helped you forget about your own family crisis. You would do anything to take your mind off your dad’s disappearance even if it meant getting high on whatever was offered to you. You didn’t ask twice about what it was. You figured if the rich people we’re doing it, it couldn’t be that bad right?

One night you did a long line surrounded by Rafe and a couple of his buddies. Pretty much everything after that was a blur. Your memories are fuzzy, like a puzzle piece you can’t piece together. The last thing you remember is your black hitting something soft, like a mattress or a pillow. You thought you heard the zipper of your shorts being pulled down but figured it was Kie helping you change into a pair of pajamas. 

The next morning you woke up practically naked with a blanket covering your bottom half and your bra pulled down to your stomach. You began to panic and ran your hands down your side, flinching at the tenderness by your hips. The skin was yellow/green and getting ready to bruise. Your breathing became shallow and your throat tightened up. You fumbled around the room you didn’t recognize for your clothes and slid them on, not caring what was backwards or inside out. You stumbled out the door and tip toed down the long staircase of the large house you were in. Figure Eight, you thought. 

You didn’t go home first. You went to Kie’s house. Because your body ached. Because you wanted to cry but didn’t want John B or the other boys to hear you. Because you were afraid to be naked around anyone but another girl. The second she opened the door, you sobbed into her arms and told her what you think happened to you. Kie tried to get you to go to the police or even the hospital, but you couldn’t fathom the idea of anyone knowing about what happened. Not even a stranger. Because you were embarrassed. You blamed yourself for this happening to you. You were high as fuck, trying to forget about your family troubles. You were the one to make yourself weak and vulnerable. No one else. Someone just took advantage of the position you put yourself in.

Kie didn’t pressure you. She wanted to support you in whatever decision you made, despite wanting justice for you and sending whoever the sleaze bag was to jail. She sat on the toilet and talked to you as you showered slowly. You spent most of the time staring at the wall and feeling ever inch of your body. You felt so dirty and no amount of soap or scrubbing could make you feel any cleaner. 

You stayed at her house for a couple of days until John B eventually texted her because he was worried. You both decided it was time for you to go home, but you never told them what happened. You were afraid of what John B and even JJ would do if they found out. And the last thing you wanted was for either of them to get hurt or in trouble.

John B didn’t notice something was off as much as JJ did. He could tell you were being more quiet and reserved than usual. Your usual style of crop tops and jean shorts changed to sweats and baggy t shirts. You slept with your door locked and didn’t touch a single can of beer since you came home.

Moving on from that night was a slow and gruesome process, one you don’t know if you’ll ever fully recover form. Luckily for you, JJ was a great distracter. He was an amazing story teller, he could make you laugh with a small hand gesture, and his laugh could draw you in for hours. No one was surprised when the two of you eventually started dating. Not even John B, who was a little apprehensive about it at first. 

To JJ, everything came to light when another make out session became heated. Like that morning, it became hard to breathe and your mind wandered off to what could have happened to you that night. In a blink of an eye, you were back in Figure Eight with someone pulling your zipper down. You could physically feel the bruises on your hips again and your skin burning. 

A panic attack emerged and JJ was left confused and lost. Fortunately for you, he was quick to realize something was seriously wrong and helped you through it. He breathed with you and talked you down. When you were calm, you explained what happened. At first he was pissed. Pissed at whoever could have done this to you and even a little bit at you and Kie for keeping this from him. He was ready to charge out of the house, grab John B, and find the sick son of a bitch who would touch an unconscious girl. But your cries stopped him. He’s never heard pain in your voice like he did that night. It physically cracked his heart into a million little pieces and he dropped every instinct he had and stayed with you instead. 

Since then, he’s been the most supportive and protective boyfriend. At every boneyard party, he would keep an eye out for any Kook that decided to show their face on your turf. He took note of anyone looking at you in a weird way. He carried the gun he stole from Scooter in his backpack for protection. He was serious about using it too. No one touches his girl and gets away with it.

Luckily, nothing happened between JJ and any Kook. No one made a move to talk to you or tease you. Kooks kept their usual distance from you, which not only made you feel better for yourself but because you didn’t want something to happen to JJ. You know the rules of the game of this island. Nothing bad ever happens to Kooks. They don’t know consequences. 

When Pope docks his boat, he asks if you would come with him to drop groceries off at the Thorntons. If he did it alone, it would cause two trips and he doesn’t want to waste time. 

As you go to agree, JJ steps in and shakes his head as he looks between you two. “I don’t think thats a good idea.”

“Why not?” Pope asks, completely clueless.

You subtly shake your head, silently begging for JJ not to say anything. Pope and John B still didn’t know and you want to keep it that way. Sure you would feel safer with JJ by your side, but you won’t be alone. You will be with Pope. And who would try to start something in the middle of the day anyway?

“It’s fine, J,” You tell him. You even try to joke. “I’m sure you’ll survive one hour without me.”

When you kiss his cheek, JJ turns to look at you with his brows pinched together with worry. “Y/N...”

“Seriously, J...” You say. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” You whisper that last part as Pope turns to get the bags. 

“You have your phone?”

You nod and pull it out of your pocket to show him. “Yes. I’ll call you if anything happens.”

As JJ walks in the opposite direction of you and Pope, you feel the tension in your shoulders get tighter. The sight of these homes gives you flashbacks. The worst part about all of this is you don’t even know who hurt you. It could’ve been anyone - a touron even. It would be easier to know who did it so you know who to avoid. 

Pope notices your change in behavior but doesn’t mention it. Instead he keeps a silent eye on you and studies your every movement. 

As you pass the golf course, you hear a couple cat calls and cheering from a group of teenagers. When you look up, you see Rafe, Topper, and one of their friends making their way over to you. You take a step behind Pope, hiding behind his body and keeping your eyes trained down on your shoes. 

“What do we have here?” Rafe whistles as he comes closer. He looks down at the bags in your arms and the beer in Pope’s hand. “Bring us something?”

“These are already paid for,” Pope glares at them.

“Oh, right, right,” Rafe nods as if he understands. Then he takes is golf club and swings it at the brown paper bag in Pope’s arms, causing everything to spill out of it. 

“Dude!” 

“Sorry, man!” Rafe holds his hands up in fake surrender. He leans down to pick up a beer bottle and tosses it to his tall friend. “Trevor, you feeling thirsty?”

The guy, better known as Trevor, cracks the beer open and takes a long sip. When he looks down, he spots you and eyes your figure up and down. Then he smirks to himself and a shiver runs down your spine. You don’t like the way he’s looking at you. Like a piece of meat or someone he knows too much of. 

Rafe catches his eye and smirks to himself. “Ah, yeah. I forgot. You and Routledge have some history.”

Pope looks over his shoulder at you and sees your chest rising and dropping at a quicker pace. You’re gripping the bags in your hands so tight that he can see your knuckles turning white. You look away from the group of Kooks at the golf course with a frown on your face. Something was wrong, Pope thought. 

“Yeah, you could say that,” Trevor chuckles. He looks at you again and tilts his head. “What? You don’t remember me?”

“Pope...” You feel like you’re choking. How could he know you when you have no idea who he is? You don’t like where this is going.

Trevor continues, “Can’t say I blame you. You were out of your mind wasted that night -”

“What the hell is he talking about?” Pope says, looking between you and Trevor. He wasn’t one to get confrontational or angry, but he didn’t like what he was hearing. He didn’t like how you were acting. Something wasn't adding up. He knew you’ve hooked up with Kooks before, but this one was different. 

“Almost as dead as her daddy,” Rafe chuckles. Something in Pope snaps and he pushes Rafe back by his shoulders. In retaliation, Rafe raises his golf club and smacks it against the middle of Pope’s back, causing him to fall down with a thump. 

“Pope!” You cry and drop the bags you were holding and kneel next to him. 

“Hey,” Trevor touches your shoulder to try and pull you away from the two fighting boys, but you flinch away from him. 

“Don’t touch me! Get away from me!” You cry.

Trevor immediately holds up his hands in surrender and takes a step back. Your outburst causes everyone to freeze in their movements, even Rafe and Pope. The wheels in Topper’s head start to move a little quicker too. He looks between you and Trevor and feels off about your connection. You looked terrified. And Y/N Routledge was almost never terrified. 

Even though you are outside, you feel claustrophobic. Your heart is beating so heavily against your ribcage that you wouldn’t be surprised if it were to break your ribs. Pope notices you’re two shades paler and having a hard time breathing. Tears are silently falling down your face and you continue to crawl away form the group of Kooks backwards. 

“Y/N...” Pope says quietly.

“We should go,” Topper says. He never hated you like some of the other Kooks did. Sure you never got along, but a small part of him thought you were cool. He knew something was extremely wrong and he couldn’t help but think it had to do with their friend, Trevor. He looks at Rafe who continues to stare at you with surprise. “Dude.”

“Yeah...” Rafe says slowly. “Trev, let’s go.”

The three Kooks scatter back to the golf course. You squeeze your eyes tightly and grip the fabric of your shirt, pulling it away from your body because right now it just feels suffocating. 

“Hey.” Pope crouches down near you and lightly touches your shoulder. His touch feels like an electric shock, making you flinch even further away. When you open your eyes, you’re back in some random Kook’s house on a mattress you’re unfamiliar with. “They’re gone. Hey, they’re gone.” Pope tries to be gentle with you, but he also wants to get you out of here and in a more comfortable setting. 

“JJ,” You manage to say. Your throat feels on fire. “I need J-”

Pope immediately starts fumbling for his cell phone and dials his best friend’s number. He bounces on the balls of his feet as he impatiently listens to the ringing. “Come on. Come on.”

JJ answers. “Hey! Sorry I’m on my way back now. You’ll never believe how much this lady tipped me. I swear I’m coming on every -”

“JJ, shut up and listen to me. Y/N...” He glances back at you and sees you’re hunched over with your forehead resting on your knees and your fingers through your hair. “She’s having a panic attack or something. I - I don’t -”

“Where are you?” JJ’s once elated tone has dropped to a more serious one. 

Pope tries explaining what part of the golf course they are near. 

“Okay. I’ll be there in five minutes. Pope, get her under some shade or something. And if you can, try to get her to look at you. She needs to open her eyes to see where she is.” Pope nods, forgetting that JJ can’t see him. “Pope!”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Okay, doing that now.”

JJ hangs up the phone so he can run faster. 

Meanwhile, Pope crouches down in front of you again and says, “Y/N/N, hey. Can you open your eyes?” Pope lightly taps your ankles. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just me.” You slowly blink your eyes open and sniffle back the tears. Pope smiles when he sees he’s made some sort of progress. “Hey. JJ’s on his way. Why don’t we move you under some shade? It’s getting pretty hot out here. Can I help you up?”

You nod and let Pope help you up and bring you a couple feet away under a large tree. Your back rests against the bark and you try taking deep breaths to calm the swirling nausea in your stomach. 

It was Trevor. It had to be Trevor. From the way he looked at you, to the innuendo Rafe made. You knew in your heart that it was Trevor who had hurt you that night. 

A part of you always wanted to know who did this, but another part of you wished you never figured it out. Because now his face will haunt you forever.

About a minute later, you hear another set of footsteps quickly coming your way. You panic, your immediate thought going to Trevor. Would he come back? 

But then you hear your boyfriend’s beautiful voice. “Hey.” His tone is soft and gentle. “Hey, baby. Look at me. It’s JJ.” You open your eyes and meet the lovely blue one’s you fell in love with. He grins at you and takes your hands in his. 

“I’m so - sorry,” You sob, suddenly hating yourself for bringing this back up to your boyfriend and ruining Pope’s work routine. “I - I -”

“Hey,” JJ says and pulls your hands to his chest, palms down. “Remember what we did last time? Match my breathing, okay? Ready? Take a deep breath.”

Pope watches with awe silently from the sidelines. He’s never seen this side of either one of you. You so panic stricken and scared, JJ so intent with concern and intuitive. 

You follow JJ’s breathing until you feel calm enough to breathe on your own. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” JJ shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

You look down at your hands that are folded in your lap. You want to tell him. Of course you want to tell him. But you’re afraid of what happens next. You’re afraid of how JJ will respond.

“Rafe, Topper, and their friend Trevor jumped us,” Pope answers for you. Like JJ, he’s also curious about what happened. Of course he was there for the physical breakdown, but he wants to know more about what you’re going through emotionally. 

“Did they hurt you?” JJ looks back at you and inspects every inch of your open skin for signs of scratches or bruises. 

You shake your head. “No.”

“Then...”

“I know who it was,” You say, your voice as soft as a whisper. 

“What? You mean. -” JJ’s head snaps back and forth between you and Pope. “Who?”

You dip your chin into your chest to hide your tears as they start to flow again. You take a deep breath and look back up at your boyfriend. “Trevor.”

“Who the fuck is Trevor?” JJ looks at Pope. 

Pope shrugs, “I don’t know. He was golfing with the other two Kooks.”

“Where’d they go?” JJ stands up, causing both you and Pope to follow him.

“No, JJ -” You try to pull him back to you but he slips his wrist out of your grip. 

“JJ!” Pope calls out to JJ who walks in the direction the other three disappeared to. 

“JJ, stop!” Your voice cracks which makes JJ turn around to look at you. “Please. I just want to go home.”

JJ freezes and bites down on his bottom lip, feeling conflicted. His head is telling him to run after the Kooks and beat every single one of their faces in until he finds the one named Trevor. But his heart is telling him to walk back to you and take care of you. 

“Okay,” he decides and wraps his arm around your waist. “Let’s get you home.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After you fall asleep later that night, JJ tip toes out of your room and silently shuts your door behind him. You passed out early, exhausted from the panic attacks and crying. In the living room, Pope, Kie, and John B are waiting. You had no other choice but to tell John B what happened. Now that Pope knew, it felt wrong keeping it from your brother as well. Of course it caused an argument, but in the end, John B only wants the best for you and to protect you. Which is why they’re here now.

“Ready to go?” JJ looks directly at your brother.

John B holds up his car keys. “Let’s go.”

“Whoa, where do you think you’re going?” Kie grabs John B by the elbow and glares at both of them.

“Where do you think?” JJ says.

When Pope and Kie stepped out of the room to check on you, JJ and John B both secretly decided that when you fell asleep, the two of them would sneak out and find this Trevor person and give him what he deserves. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Pope says, looking between the two. “You know how this works. The two of you end up getting in trouble and he gets to walk away clean.”

“I don’t care. I’ll kill him -”

“You can’t,” Kie says.

“I’m not asking for your permission, Kie!”

“Where’s the gun?” Kie says. “If you’re going to do this, I’m not letting you bring the gun. Leave it here.”

JJ looks up at John B who reluctantly nods his head for JJ to give it up. The blonde sighs and reaches into the back of his waistband and pulls it out.

“This is a bad idea,” Pope says again even though he knows the other two don’t give a shit. In a way, he kind of respects it. He would go to if he didn’t have a scholarship to worry about.

“Keep an eye on her. We’ll be back in a couple hours,” John B says.

“You better hope you are. Because if you’re not, you’re only going to be making this worse for her,” Kie tells them.

Kie’s words have both John B and JJ rethinking their decision. But only for a split second. 

JJ nods. “Don’t worry. I’d never leave my girl behind.”

[redrobin-detective]

the only ghost in Amity Park

Continuation of Half Of

______________________________________________

Only in Amity Park did the revelation that a local teenager was sorta, kinda a ghost just blow over in a few days. Sure, people still stared at Danny Fenton as he walked by and everyone was still wondering what exactly he was, but overall life had moved on. Star sighed to herself as she organized her notebooks, waiting for class to begin. Just another day.

Star herself really didn’t want to get involved in whatever was going on with Danny. She didn’t like him before he was a celebrity and didn’t plan on starting anytime soon. While Paulina still relentlessly, and vainly, pumped him for information on her dead boy crush, Phantom and he and Dash formed some weird macho bond or whatever, Star avoided him. He’d given her the chills since the day he’d walked into Casper High. When Danny’s secret had been exposed mid-attack, Star hadn’t been surprised. She didn’t need some ghost to tell her that there was something deeply, unsettlingly wrong with Danny Fenton.

Danny didn’t seem particular bothered, by his inhuman nature or by suddenly having his secret exposed. If anything, the nerd looked more relaxed than ever. Star had been watching him, they all had, but Fenton kept his ghostly antics to a minimum when in public. The occasional flash of green eyes when emotional, a grin of sharpened teeth. He made Mikey’s locker lock intangible the other day when the kid had forgotten his combination and he floated down the stairs instead of walking sometimes. It had been a week and it was  frightening how quickly such strangeness had become almost normal. 

“Alright kids, phones and notes away we’re starting class with a pop quiz. Hope you’ve all kept up with your weekly readings,” Faluca announced cheerily. The whole class, including Fenton, moaned and packed up their bags. Star supposed being an undead being haunting his own life didn’t make him immune from normal human problems. She was biting her lip trying to remember which antibody caused allergic reactions when she got an uneasy feeling. She looked up and was not surprised to see Danny Fenton looking around too. It had been a solid week without ghost attacks, looks like Fenton’s supposed vacation time was up.

Star stopped her writing and adjusted the bag at her feet to prep for evacuation. She briefly wondered what Fenton would do, what he could do? Did he also hunt ghosts, like his parents? Like Phantom? There were no blasts, no screams, no monologues but the dread increased when a ghost shield descended over them. Actually, it looked like it was just covering their classroom. Now everyone was looking up from their quizzes and out the window at the flickering, green shield.

“You’d think the administration would’ve warned me we were going to do a drill,” Faluca said but his voice was hesitant. Clearly this wasn’t planned so despite the lack of alarms, there was a good chance this was real. “Pencils down for the moment while I figure out what’s going on.”

“Mr. Faluca, I need to go,” Danny said, raising his hand. Star was so used to hearing the request she almost ignored him but the dread curling in her stomach made her look again. His face was pinched, sharp and his eyes burned with an icy fury like a sudden storm blowing in without warning. 

“Mr. Fenton, I don’t think...” Faluca murmured uneasily. Danny frowned harder.

“It wasn’t a request, actually,” Danny said roughly as he stood up and began walking towards the door. He was almost there when the door slammed open and Fenton had no less than 3 ectoweapons pointed in his face. A few kids jumped back in alarm but Danny held his ground as half a dozen Guys in White agents entered the room and surrounded him.

“Spectral scum formerly known as Daniel Fenton, you’re coming with us,” one of the agents said. 

“Danny not Daniel and it’s still my name,” Danny quipped, eyeing each of the government officials and their weapons. “And no, I’m not. I’m still alive, somewhat anyway, so I have rights. The courts backed me up.”

“Everyone who signed for your freedom doesn’t know ghosts like we do,” Another agent said so forcefully, some spittle flew out of their mouth and hit Danny’s cheek. Star watched it freeze and fall away the instant it hit his skin. “Your kind are too dangerous to wander around, you need to be contained and eliminated. Don’t worry, your parents will receive a sizable check as recompense.”

“I’m the one who needs to be contained?” Danny said slowly, evenly but there was a static to his voice that caused the hairs on the back of Star’s neck to rise. When she breathed out, she saw her breath was misting. Everyone’s was as the room temperature continued to plummet. “When you come in here and take hostages to threaten me?” Danny hissed, he took a step forward and his eyes took on a neon green glow. “You didn’t come to my home or on the streets, you came to take me in the middle of biology when I’m surrounded by civilians, kids.”

“You delude yourself into thinking you’re still human,” another agent scoffed. “Everyone knows ghosts are weaker when giving into their obsession.” Danny laughed, it was loud and mocking and like fingernails running down a chalkboard. Faluca, stuck in between Danny and the agents, was white as a sheet and gripping his desk like it was the only thing keeping him from collapsing.

“You know nothing,” Danny hissed, his voice barely recognizable as human. His hair and shirt floated in an invisible but angry breeze. Frost crawled up his arms and his face. Various ecto alarms were ringing on the belts of the agents and they started to look a bit nervous. He looked nothing like the kid who, minutes before, had clearly been struggling with their bio quiz. “You have no idea what you’re dealing with. You cannot come into my haunt and threaten my people to get to me. Protecting what is mine will always make me stronger!” 

“This whole town is constantly under attack because of things like you!” One particularly brave agent said even as a few others had backed up. “Amity Park is on the verge of collapse because of all the ghosts!”

“There is only one ghost in Amity Park,” Danny said, he tilted his head, his black and white hair dangling in his face as he gave a sharpened smile. “There is only me and the ghosts I allow, ghosts who know the rules, who respect my authority here by keeping damage to people and property down. I am the only ghost haunting this town and why do you think that is?” One agent threw down his gun and ran through the open door.

“You’re-you’re a monster!” Another woman shouted, shaking as she stepped back before fleeing.

“I’m not the one who needs to threaten innocents to get to their target,” Danny sneered. “It’s a good thing you did though, I wouldn’t hold back if I wasn’t worried about collateral.” Another three agents turned tail and ran. Until there was only one left. His gun was still trained on Danny but his hands were shaking. 

“You don’t scare us,” the agent trembled through the obvious lie having been abandoned by his comrades. “We’ll get you monster, if it’s the last thing we do.”

“Looking forward to it,” Danny drawled sarcastically as some of his horrifying aura dissipated along with the freezing grip on the room. Within moments Danny has settled back into more human form. While he’d been angry before, now he looked almost bored. At no point had he seemed afraid. 

“You take your people and your equipment and you leave Amity’s borders by sunset tonight,” Danny declared resolutely. “If you have continued problems with my existence, you take it up with the courts. We settle this as humans but if you treat me as a ghost then I will fight back like one.” His eyes turned green again as a threat. As a promise. 

“I don’t take orders from spooks!” The agent shouted, securing his finger on the trigger and preparing to fire. Star had ducked to avoid the blast so she missed exactly what happened. All she saw was the green glow and heard a strangled scream from the agent followed by a series of thumps. By the time Star had gotten back into her seat, Danny was aggressively pulling apart the ectogun with his bare hands. There was no sign of the agent and, around them, the ghost shield fizzled away. 

“Jerks,” Danny grumbled, kicking at the remains of the ectogun he’d destroyed. “Sorry about that, Mr. Faluca. I knew they’d cause problems but I didn’t think they’d come to school.” Their teacher stared at Danny like a rabbit facing down a lion. “You okay?”

“Fine, Mr. Fenton, just fine!” Falcua grinned in a high pitched voice. “Shall we get back to our quizzes?” The bell rang just then and Danny did a little fist pump.

“Tomorrow then? After I get a chance to study more?” Danny asked with puppy dog eyes. It looked wrong on his face that had just threatened the government with bodily harm. Faluca just nodded dumbly, not sure what else to say. “Yes! I’ll pass tomorrow for sure. The attention kinda sucks but it does come with some perks.”

He walked back to his desk, ignoring the wide-eyed looks of the class when he stopped and gasped, his breath fogging in front of him. His lips pursed again with annoyance. A few people jumped in surprise as the Box Ghost, a familiar annoyance, poked his head through the wall.

“Child! Your requested reprieve is up and the Box Ghost is here to cause insurmountable square shenanigans!” He laughed heartily, stopping when the room temperature dropped again. Danny didn’t even turn to face the ghost. 

“Your watch is off, Boxy. I have another 10 hours before I have to deal with you annoyances again,” Danny growled. “I’m feeling good right now, take advantage of it and leave in one piece.”

“Uh right okay then,” the ghost stammered, sinking back into the wall. “See you tomorrow.” Danny cracked his neck before he walked to his desk, grabbed his things and walked to the front of the room.

“Late bell’s gonna ring any minute, you guys should hurry if you don’t wanna be late,” Danny said as he left. Falcua’s strength gave out as soon as Fenton was gone and he hit the floor, one hand clutching at his chest.

“Jeepers,” Mikey surmised appropriately before stuffing his things in his bag and leaving as well. Star watched everyone loosen up themselves and begin gathering their things to leave. No, she would never like Danny Fenton but he and his ghost weirdness was just part of the deal now, whether they wanted it or not. Such was life in the most haunted city in America which was only haunted by a single ghostly entity.

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

This might seem like a pretty out of the blue question but, how do you feel about characters that, due to trauma or a bad past, act very aggressive and/or distant to hide their fear of being hurt again?

I'm asking because, in addition to characters from series like Black Butler (Ciel), Vanitas no Carte (Vanitas) and TWST, a lot of people tend to ignore their pain just to focus on how bad of a person they are/were.

I was reading a Chinese manhua I borrowed from my friend at her place, and the main female is a girl who acts aggressive and has a short temper but it turns out that she's trapped in an unhealthy and abusive relationship with a man who's obsessed with trying to bring back his dead wife. Why is it abusive? The man makes her wear a pendant that he monitors her with, uses emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation, gaslighting, threats of r*pe and murder to control the girl's life and keep her as his bodyguard for fuck knows how long. All the while, he sleeps with and steals the souls of several people, convinced that his wife would forgive him for his infidelity (?) and cruelty.

According to my friend, a lot of people who read the manhua dislike the girl because, aside from her temper and bluntness, she slapped the main protagonist for trying to help her (he said "I'm here to help you. Stop acting like this." which triggered some bad memories. He meant no harm, mind you.) even after learning of her relationship with the man, saying stuff like "She's a powerful mage, isn't she? She'll be fine." or "She shouldn't have slapped him. This is her karma for acting bitchy."

So as someone with severe trauma and a lot of fucking issues, there is SO MUCH to unpack here if I get into detail so lemme put this here

Ok, so I don’t mean this to offend/upset anyone, and let me say, everyone responds to trauma differently, the brain isn’t programmed to handle lifelong trauma which can lead to acting out or doing odd things as trauma affects the mental state of an individual

Trauma actually is proven to mentally age children people far faster as it forces them to ‘grow’ faster (ex: Ciel, Jamil, Riddle) which can have a huge impact on their life (almost never good)

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If you act aggressive as an adult and hurt people, it doesn’t matter the trauma, you don’t have an excuse to hurt others physically or mentally, you are an adult, how you acts is on YOU. I’m told I’m overly nice (especially for someon whose literally died briefly and was physically/mentally abused for my entire child hood)

In childhood acting out with violence is common especially when uncomfortable or scared is normal and expected as they have no controlling their emotions.

Adults are different, irl im distant for dozens of reasons but I don’t take it out on people, and yes I’ve verbally gotten aggressive when accidentally (or intentionally) triggered by someone but I have a brain so I know to fucking apologize since trauma doesn’t excuse such inappropriate behavior.

For instance, I have trauma that some of characters above have, and less than others but I HATE seeing people use it to excuse shitty behavior (Twst is a HUGE example of this)

People react differently to trauma, that’s normal but once your an adult, do know you are responsible for your own decisions, for what YOU do. For instance, that woman from a manhua (idk what that is/ hadn’t read) has no right to physically slap another individual (especially one openigly stating they are tryna help) she could have fucking said ‘no’ or ‘go away’ or WALKED AWAY. Honestly she’s just making me dislike her based on that (like what was the trigger? I obviously don’t know the situation but it just seems like she wanted to take out frustrations on him)

I’ve been r*ped, beaten/abused, neglected, etc. for 23 YEARS NOW (OBVIOUSLY NOT FIR EVERY SECOND BUT STILL). How many people have I hit because of it? 0 (minus the ‘trigger’ I had while I was defending myself once but it did nothing, actually made things worse) how many people have I yelled at? A fuck ton. How many did I apologize to? Almost all of them.

I don’t give a shit when you yell at people in an argument but know this, you’re trauma doesn’t excuse what you say and due, it’s a fucking burden you’re stuck with , that has no upside. Yelling/attacking people is turning you into the monster and making others miserable and guess fucking what? OTHER PEOPLE CAN HAVE TRAUMA. What if you just fucking lashed out at someone more broken than you? You feel good now?

Lashing out isn’t a good option, she didn’t deserve what happened to her, but she has no excuse for harming the hero AT ALL, trauma isn’t an excuse to attack others to help yourself, yes when scared you want to fight but, APOLOGIZE... What, did she think hurting him would stop everyone who will and has ever existed from asking her the same thing? What if that hero has trauma and had a breakdown? Is that still ‘ok’ for her to do? No not unless it’s her abuser.

Like with that girl, aside from being resurrected and a husband, I’ve been through all the trauma she has since I was a young child (actually a lil more since there’s a LOT I’ve been through she hasn’t but I’m younger). And I’ve felt with it, so many time since then and I have breakdown often. I’ve had people who remind me of my abusive father whose almost killed me more times than I can count and I have literally permanent injuries from.

It’s ok to hurt but it’s not ok to hurt others(without concent), I know I sound like a broken record but it’s important to remember to an extent you can control your trauma, get therapy or have someone you trust who you can talk to about your feels.

Basically it’s ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ that will cause more issues and fix nothing

If someone slapped me for ASKING if they were ok, I’d fucking panic and cry, running the fuck away and avoid that person till I fucking die. Like. You hurt me for asking if you were ok. That’s not ok under any circumstances what the fuck? I’d rather die in a ditch than talk to you…at least the ditch won’t hurt me.

It’s just, so BAD to hurt someone over a circumstance like that, unless he racked her to the ground or smn that physical violence is uncalled for completely.

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[tainted-wine]

Primal Dissonance

Hawks x Reader (NSFW)

So anon was like:

And since I’m total ass at writing short drabbles, or maybe it’s because they called me senpai, I ended up with a whole-ass fic. This took a different route than planned but I hope you enjoy, anon!

Words: 4.3k

Warnings: Dubcon, Pheromones, Mindbreak, Feral Hawks, Rough and Public Sex, Tit Abuse. This totally isn’t as dark as it sounds.

--------x--------

Hawks has been getting noisy. Not in the usual sense; he’s always a motormouth. No, he’s been making sounds that you’ve never heard him make.

At first you thought he was sick and something was irritating his throat, but on one occasion when you offered him water after hearing the sound, he almost looked offended. You concluded that it wasn’t an illness.

You later noticed that the noise often happens when it’s just the two of you together. During late night movie viewings at his place, he’d hold you close and release a constant hum, the vibrations from his chest and wings soothing enough to make you drift into sleep in his arms. You never saw the look of disappointment in his face as he decided to cuddle you for the rest of the night.

Just a few days later, he spots you during one of his patrols and presents you with a surprise expensive gift. A ruby pendant, the same brilliant shade as his feathers, was placed around your neck by gentle gloved hands.

“Hawks—why—what did I do to deserve this?” You asked while your eyes reflected the gemstone’s sparkles.

“Just wanted to give a pretty gift to my pretty girl.” He gave you a kiss, and waves of soft hums leave his mouth and into yours, flowing through your body, stimulating all of your nerves and triggering pleasant shivers. One makeout session later, and you both pull back to lock eyes. He’s looking at you expectantly, but you don’t even know what the hell he’s expecting.

You look to the side awkwardly. “Thank you, Hawks. It’s beautiful, but I…don’t have anything to give in return. This was a complete surprise, after all.”

His eye twitches, but he smiles and embraces you. “That’s fine, chickadee.”

A pigeon appears during your hug, and the soft coos emanating from it give you an epiphany.

“A pigeon! That’s what it is! You’re cooing like a pigeon!”

This time it’s his smile that twitches. Did you say something wrong? Whatever it is, he brushes it off with a half-hearted laugh. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

That was also the day you noticed his rising body temperature. You asked once again if he was feeling ill, and at least this time he didn’t appear to be upset when he answered ‘no.’

On the next night you spent in his home, he—and you’re still not over this—took your hand and pulled you in for a dance. It wasn’t some silly jig in which he blindly moved to a random pop song, it was a slow classic love song, and he moved both of you in an elegant dance fitting for a ballroom.

It was the last thing you expected from the hero that normally took you on KFC dates or, if he had the time, reserve a spot at his favorite yakitori place. But there was no way you could say that you didn’t like the way his feet glided across the floor, wings acting as a living cape that made each of his movements look all the more graceful, and you followed his pace as best as you could.

You clung onto him more tightly than intended when he dipped you after a spin, sharp avian eyes boring into you before he buries his face in your neck, and that’s when you feel more than hear the cooing return. It’s a tune that never fails to make you feel so warm and safe; you have no idea how his gentle sounds have such influence over you.

He looks pleased by your relaxed state, pulling you back up and brushing a few stray hairs out of your face. “So?”

You smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “I didn’t know you had such grace, Hawks. Now hurry up, or we’re going to miss the movie for tonight!”

You scampered off into the kitchen to prepare the popcorn, completely oblivious to the baffled look your boyfriend was giving behind your back.

A few days later and you’re more certain than ever that he’s coming down with something, because now there’s a constant sheen of sweat all over his skin, and his breath sounded labored even when he was just sitting around. Since he ignores all of your pleas to stay home for just a day or two, you come up with another solution. Hawks pouts like a child when you tell him that a little nature and clean air might restore his health, but he still accepts your offer for a date at a nature park because hey, spending a day in natural beauty with you sounds great.

You practically dragged him into a bus after telling him several times that he shouldn’t tire himself out prematurely by flying both of you there. One long scenic drive later, you both arrive at your beautiful destination. The park was huge and lush with flora of all kinds, from tree-filled paths to endless flower fields.

Exploring everything this paradise has to offer with Hawks sounds like a dream, but your main goal was to loosen him up and help him feel better, so you avoided the populated areas, passing the cycling roads, the play areas, the bug houses, all of the charming attractions until you reached the long stretches of vibrant colors. The flower park.

You and Hawks began a slow stroll hand-in-hand, taking in the seemingly endless blooms, the trees shedding petals onto the walkway—all of it served as the most delicious treat for your eyes.

But when you looked at the winged hero to see if he was enjoying the scenery as much as you were, you saw that he was staring at you. His face was slightly flushed, but you couldn’t tell if it was the result of his feverish temperature or if he’s finding this whole date very romantic.

“The flowers are over there, birdbrain,” you joked with a squeeze of his hand.

His wing wrapped around you and pulled you in closer, encasing you in his abnormal heat. “The only flower that matters is right here.” There was a rough breathlessness to his voice that made the otherwise corny line sound sensual.

And then the coos returned, bringing you back to that pleasant world where everything was warm, soft, and safe. The red feathers surrounding you quivered and rippled like ocean waves of scarlet. You were supposed to be making him feel at ease here, not the other way around.

A chorus of chirps snapped you out of your stupor. You broke out of the hypnotic embrace and spot a bunch of small bouncing figures in the white lilac tree in front of you. “Aww, look at all of the little tits, Hawks!” You point at the flock of singing critters.

Hawks snorted immaturely.

Before you could withdraw your arm, one of the Japanese tits flew over and perched on your still-extended finger, leaving you bug-eyed and your mouth agape. “Hi there! You’re a brave little guy, aren’t you?” You said softly, hoping not to startle it. It tweeted in response, fluffing up its black and white plumage as it looked up at you curiously. “Hawks! It’s so cute!”

Red wings bristled, but you were too enamored with the friendly bird on your hand to even look back at your boyfriend. It continued to sing, the tits sitting in the tree joining in to create an adorable medley of chirps, tweets, and peeps. “Such a nice sound, I never realized how amazing these little guys are.” You keep watching the beady eyes that stare right back at you, feeling the bird’s little feet move quickly as it adjusted itself to get more comfortable.

And with a powerful slug from a hardened red feather out of nowhere, the tiny tit is knocked off of your finger and sent flying like a fucking golf ball.

Your pointing hand was still out as you looked on, eyes and mouth now wide open in horror instead of awe. The poor bird managed to right itself before it hit the ground, flapping frantically to ride the light breeze and fly past its tree of brethren and off into the distance, its sloppy turns and sudden drops betraying how dazed it was.  

With your short-lived friend out of your sight, you turned to the man that ruined your magical bonding session, multiple negative emotions boiling inside you and ready to spill right onto this bastard. “Hawks!” You’re prepared to blow his ears off with every ounce of frustration, every concern that’s been plaguing you for the past week thanks to the strange changes that he refuses to talk about, but then you freeze.

The man’s face has darkened, eyes narrowed with its pupils shrunken into beady slits, lips pressed together in a tight frown—he looked enraged. But the terrifying look wasn’t directed at you, he was looking up at the innocent tits still residing in the tree and paying no mind to the violent treatment of one of their own. As his wings slowly spread with feathers sharpened, your chest constricted once you realized what was about to happen.

“Stop!” You threw yourself at him, grabbing at the outstretched limbs in a pitiful attempt to stop them, the bladed edges cutting your hands. It was still enough to shock and prevent him from launching any of the deadly weapons at the birds. You felt his feathers return to their soft fluffy state as he stumbled from your weight. “What the hell are you doing? What, are you pissed that it chose my hand instead of yours? The hell is wrong with you?”

Now he was aiming the glare at you, and you couldn’t help but shrink under the intimidation. His voice was shockingly low. “Just what game are you playing at here? Gushing over another bird’s song right in front of me?”

You eyed his still-expanded wings as you tried to make sense of what he said. “What?” Was all you could say.

“Here I was thinking you just had extremely high standards, but maybe you’re the type that likes to play hard to get, or make your guy jealous and see how he handles it.” He took a step toward you, and you took one back. “Well let me tell you, I’m not handling it very well.”

What he was implying would have made you burst into laughter if he didn’t look so threatening right now. “You’re…jealous? Of the bird that was on my finger?”

He laughed, or at least tried to, but the shortness of breath made him cough. The sudden anger must be worsening whatever has been making him hot and throaty for the past days. He needs to calm down for his own damn sake. “I guess I shouldn’t be, should I? Not for a girl who gets wet over any bird that does something as simple as approach her.”

“Excuse me?” Did you hear that correctly? No joke, did you really hear that shit correctly?

Hawks just keeps on going, taking your bewilderment as more mockery. “I give you something shiny, you don’t say anything.” A flash of several feathers and you feel your arms being pulled in front of you, the red tufts tying your wrist together.

“I put on a nice dance I practiced for, and you don’t say anything. Did you even notice that I cleaned and decorated the room that night?” You’re panicking from your tied hands and don’t see him fire another barrage that goes for your ankles, their tugs forcing you to lose your balance and fall hard onto the ground with a pained cry. Your hands are forcefully pinned above your head. “Hell, you seem to enjoy my song every time you hear it, so what’s the deal?”

While your heart is on the verge of exploding from its anxious beats, the gears in your head are spinning as you try to figure out how exactly this whole miscommunication even happened, but they keep jamming, filling your head with sparks and smoke of pure confusion. “What song? You haven’t been singing anything!” You yell as you fight against the feather-made cuffs around your hands and feet, but there was no breaking free. They suddenly felt as strong and durable as elastic metal.

Hurt flashes across his face and you don’t understand why goddammit, but it’s quickly masked with another scowl. “You mean the song that’s lulled you to sleep? The song that never fails to put you at ease every time? I can sense it, you know. How calm and pleased you feel whenever you hear it. I know it’s not the loud obnoxious tune of a songbird,” he glances at the tree that continues to emanate various calls as he kneels over you, nearly straddling your waist. Smart of him to keep his groin out of the range of your knees. “But you still enjoy it, right? I’m not too upset that you compared it to a shitty pigeon.”

You only stutter in shaky breaths as he lowers himself and presses all of his weight onto you, your eyes shut as he nuzzles your face lovingly. He feels like a furnace, the sweat from his face slathering onto yours from his rough rubs.

That’s when you smell something potent. You’ve picked up traces of it from him throughout the week, a strange but not unpleasant mixture of salt and sweet. You assumed it to be some sort of shampoo or cologne, but now it’s hitting you full force and it’s making your body…respond. With each inhale, the exotic scent sends a tingle down your abdomen and a release of wetness that dampens your clothing. What the hell is happening to you?

Hawks pulls away and sniffs the air. Your feminine aroma has him moan so suggestively that it makes your core heat up even more. “Oh, so this is getting you going?” He questions in a judgmental tone before something appears to cross his mind, and he laughs with a slap to his forehead. “I’m such an idiot. I’ve been doing this all wrong, haven’t I? You’re not a bird.” He kisses at the side of your face and licks the shell of your ear before whispering, “You’re a mammal. You don’t choose a mate by their pretty gifts or fancy dances.”

The lustful haze invading your mind almost distracts you from whatever is tugging at your pants and pulling them down. “H-Hawks…” You accidentally moaned. You were too out of it to even properly convey your worry. Your pants are removed and something tickles your hips to remove your panties next—that’s when you identify them as more feathers.

“With mammals, males just take what they want. They catch her, hold her down, and fuck her on the spot.”

You gasp when your lower body is completely stripped and exposed—a mistake—Hawks’s intoxicating smell rushes into your mouth and nostrils, making you clench and gush. He lifts himself just enough for the living binds around your wrists to pull and drag you off of the stone walkway and into the blooming batches. The flowers were just tall enough to probably hide you from anyone at a distance, but the winged man crawling over and sitting in front of your feet would easily give you away. “Hawks, someone…might see us,” you mutter.

He only chuckles. “Good, I want them to see. Are you little bastards watching?” He looks up at the lilac tree that now looms right over both of you. The resting tits have gone quiet, most likely intimidated by the large bird-human hybrid that continued to glare at them.

The response was ridiculous enough to temporarily free you from your trance. “I’m not worried about the birds, you dumbass.”

“Hmph, of course you’re not. You’d let them all join in if I’d let you, wouldn’t you?”

You have so many questions about how that would even work.

But you’re interrupted by the feathers around your ankles pulling your feet apart, easily overcoming your resistance and spreading you wide open for the hero in front of you. You have to look away from just how soaked you are, juices flowing from your swollen pussy and onto the soft soil, some of it sticking to your parted thighs in strands. The sight makes Hawks salivate.

“I’m at the peak of my rut and I’m tired of waiting. Gonna make you mine.”

It’s all he says before his entire mouth is on your cunt, tearing a startled cry from your throat. The peaceful sounds of the wind and rustling leaves are overshadowed by the absolutely filthy slurps, sucks, and growls between your legs. He was being a greedy savage that simply wanted to drink you up. There were no careful methods or patterns, just a hungry tongue that lapped at every inch of you and lips that sucked on anything they could grip.

You could barely even writhe from the onslaught, what with your arms pinned over your head and your feet held down so strongly that you couldn’t even move them across the dirt. You kept your sights on the rich colors of various flowers that encircled you as the sweet-smelling haze enveloped you again, enhancing your pleasure. Despite Hawks’ sudden loss of his oral skills, the feral nature of it all—the smothered snarls against your sex, the startling feel of his teeth carelessly grazing your sensitive flesh, and the lewd sight of his face covered in your glistening juices as his glassy eyes opened and stared into yours as he ate you alive—his voracity had you boiling over.

He gulped your essence loudly, welcoming every drop of the orgasmic flood into his mouth. All of the colors in your vision blurred more with each mind-numbing pulse. You weren’t even aware of the shameless wails that left you until the blissful waves finally subsided.

Once he had his fill, he finally pulled away from your mound and boy did he look like a hot mess. His cheeks were a deep red that was slowly spreading across his cum-covered face, a beady string of your fluids hanging from his lips before dripping off. He was climbing back over you and when the fuck did he take his pants off? He must have unbuttoned and removed them while he was licking you into heaven.

He still manages to look smug while he takes in your spent form, your slightly parted lips impossible to resist. Your mouth was suddenly locked with his, the breath you were desperately trying to get back stolen from you. And then the scent returns, this time accompanied with a powerful salted lemon flavor that assaults your taste buds. The taste of your own pussy was insignificant; his aroma in both your nose and mouth is nearly suffocating, your still-recovering inner walls already squeezing out more of your slick.

His tongue thrashes about in your mouth to paint his sweet saliva on every spot he could reach. You swallow it up thirstily and feel an immediate response in your throat that somewhat frightens you. Numbness overtakes your mouth and your throat relaxes completely; you felt like it was suddenly impossible to choke.

Hawks messily pulls away, breathing heavily and licking his lips. “Look at you. All it takes is a whiff and taste of a rutting male to turn you into a submissive little bitch.” You’ve never heard him speak like that, but like every action he’s taken since you’ve been at his mercy, it doesn’t fail to arouse you for reasons you still don’t understand. “Do you want some more? Hmm?”

You’re nodding before your crippled mind can comprehend the question.

The drugged kiss has you dizzy. You’re doing your best to keep track of his movements as he straddles your chest, his cock coming into focus and pressing against your lips. He doesn’t give you a command, you simply open up like a trained whore.

You’re moaning from the addicting taste of his length that pushes all the way to the back of your throat. Once his pubes are flush against your nose, your eyes roll back and you lose all sense of…everything. Everything except for that exhilarant fragrance and flavor.

Even as he begins to move in your mouth, your tongue swirls all around the sweet meat in an attempt to taste him all over. You’re throbbing wildly, but the feathers prevent you from bringing your thighs together for some much needed friction.

He was thrusting in and out at a pace that should have you gagging, but you take the pounding smoothly. Everything was murky, save for the pleasure that was slowly consuming you. You think the birds are singing again, maybe.

Something was smacking against your chin…rather loudly, you think. Hawks’s balls. How obscene, the way he’s hunched over you and fucking your face so roughly, but it’s hard to feel embarrassed when it’s all making you feel so damn good. Drool gathers and drips down your mouth. Your throat has become a second pussy, and he was fucking it like one.

The scent has your entire body on fire and you wish so badly that you could touch yourself. It was too powerful, each breath filling you with more burning tension. Your desperate whines came out as bubbly gurgles around his hammering dick. Your climax is dangling right at the edge. All you need is just the smallest touch on your drenched, deprived pussy.

His thick intrusion suddenly leaves your mouth, allowing oxygen to properly enter your lungs and for the pooling saliva to be swallowed. Hawks says something as you cough and sputter, but everything is still too muffled.

“Good……….not yet……….finish inside.” That was all that you were able to catch. You frankly don’t care. You immediately want his overpowering scent back.

When something pushes past the entrance between your legs, you cum instantly. Your scream is silent, or maybe you just can’t hear it, as your restrained limbs twitch like mad from the excruciatingly pleasurable contractions.

You’re already being fucked roughly while you’re still coming down from your orgasmic high. You’re rocked against the flowers and the soft earth beneath, your peaceful surroundings a stark contrast to the raunchy act currently taking place among them.

Hawks leans in once again, and you have to turn away and hold your breath because you truly felt like one more whiff of that mouth-watering smell would bring you the most euphoric death. His mouth drew closer to your ear, harsh pants in sync with his rapid thrusts. There’s no way a body was meant to handle so much stimulation, yet you didn’t want it to end.

You wanted this powerful man and everything that he had. You want him to fill your womb with his seed…bear his strong and healthy offspring…then let him take you all over again…

There’s a soft rumble that brings you back down to earth, clearing your mind just enough so that all of your senses work properly again. The smudged colors return to their original shapes, and the cooing that vibrates through both of your bodies can be heard loud and clear. His song.

“That’s it, baby. I’ve got you right here. Just give in to me.” Hawks sounds on the verge of losing his voice, weak and graveled, but his singing and hips aren’t letting up.

Finally, fucking finally, the feathers release your limbs. Ignoring how boneless they feel, you use all of your strength to wrap your arms tightly around his neck, and your legs lock right above his ass. You cling onto him like a parasite and moan freely, trusting his low and soft vocals to keep you grounded as his citrus aura captivates you again.

Your involuntary clenches ruin him and take him to his peak, several more hard and deep pumps bringing you to your final climax. Both of you cry out loudly enough to scare away the tits still resting in the tree, the small flock flying off to find a quieter perch.

--------------------

Good. That showed the little bastards.

Hawks smiled triumphantly as the small birds fled the erotic scene. Once he was certain that none of them were coming back, he returned his attention to you. Your chest heaved with each audible breath, your entire body drenched in sweat, just like his. He laid a gentle hand on your cheek, thumb stroking lovingly as you close your eyes for much-needed rest after almost losing your mind.

He did it. He finally claimed you, and all he had to do was just show a little dominance…and expose you to a hefty dose of pheromones. It was clearly way more than you could handle—maybe the face-fucking wasn’t the best idea, but it looked like you were enjoying yourself enough. No harm done.

“Excuse me, sir?”

Hawks was a cool-headed man. He’s managed to stay calm and collected in the direst of situations. Still, when he slowly turns around to see a man dressed in the park’s staff uniform, blushing at the sight of a sweaty couple with no pants on among the innocent blossoms, he can’t help but feel just a wee bit fucked.

“H-Hawks? It’s really you? Wha-?” The poor guy is lost for words from the fact that he just found the number 2 hero banging someone in public.

Eh, he’s talked his way out of tighter spots.

With a smile, the winged hero sends a few feathers to his discarded pants and withdraws a pen from its pockets.

“How about a deal, buddy? An autograph from yours truly and a coupon for my merch. All you gotta do is walk away and forget what you just saw.”

[genshin-impact-fics]

Streamer!Genshin Reacting to Character!(Y/N) Dying in Game

!Warning!: Major character deaths & angst

Characters: Diluc, Venti, Childe, & Zhongli

Diluc:

It was a race to get inside one of the bases of the Abyss Order to put a stop to whatever plans they were in the process of executing that could potentially put many lives in danger. Diluc was rather calm while playing though it would be a lie to say that it wasn’t a bit annoying that the route to the domain was timed

It was once inside the domain did things pick up fast as it seemed to be a fighting wave system which after beating the first two rooms there was a short scene where in the end Lisa and Amber stayed behind to hold off the incoming enemies so the rest of the group could go further. It seemed like forever doing some of the puzzles to unlock the doors to reach the next fight

In that fourth room after the defeat of hilichurls and abyss mages did suddenly a short cut scene appear to show the appearance of an Abyss Lector. As remembering how much he hated fighting this guy in the spiral abyss he already knew what he was in for; however that was until your character stepped forward with your weapon ready. Diluc was actually sad to have to leave you behind as he was hoping that you’d be one of the characters that went with him to the very end

“I think I’ve watched enough shows and movies to know what this could be leading up to.” He’d comment to his viewers as he finally reached the destination where the Abyss Herald was. Finishing the fight triggered another cutscene as the traveler’s sibling appeared and was making their small speech, asking if the lives of the “friends” the traveler made were worth losing

Diluc is watching with a straight face as he kinda expected this but the who was what he wasn’t sure about and truthfully the only one he’d be truly heartbroken about is your death, but they wouldn’t kill you now of all times right? Wrong; soon the cutscene finally came across where they had left you and you were leaning against the wall extremely injured with your weapon laying beside you. Diluc is frowning cuz he has to watch you die now

Listening to your final words as you spoke to no one Diluc would sulk in his chair a little. In the last moment before your eyes closed, if you mentioned something about not getting to tell his character your true feelings it is visible that Diluc looks like he wants to cry(but he doesn't). Once the screen showed the mission complete he’d grab the plush he had of your character and hold it looking at his camera. “Of all the characters I thought were going to die, I wasn’t ready for it to be (y/n).” At that point he’d probably call it a day from there but he’d still talk to his viewers as he probably would watch the tribute videos that fans had already made

Venti:

Everything was in chaos as it looked like archon war 2 was going to be taking place, but this time it was a war between the Abyss Order and the Archons. He was heading to Mondstadt to help and to check on you. Dvalin was flying around sending attacks at the abyss members. “Ah traveler there you are!” The sound of your voice as you landed before him; as weird as it was to see you in your archon robes was odd but you looked so good! After a short conversation you had gone flying off and it was time to get back to fighting

Things were looking good as it seemed like they were winning against the abyss order though it wasn’t over yet. It was until up in the air did a cutscene starting showing you and the traveler’s sibling fighting going at it. Venti is so captivated by how serious and cool you look fighting, but it all changed when the sibling landed a blow that caused you to fall from the sky ending up falling into the Whispering Woods

Venti couldn’t run fast enough to get to the woods to check up on you but when he did the first thing he saw was the sibling standing before you. He’s already sad and yelling at the sibling for hurting you though it seemed that now he was there the sibling went and disappeared revealing the real condition you were in. “No, no, no! This better not mean (y/n)’s dying.” He’d say in denial as he’s already starting to cry a little

“A-Ah Windblume h-haha… Sorry you have to see me like this.” Even in a moment like this you gave him such a cheesy grin until you seemed to grimace in pain. “Unfortunately it seems like… This is it for me. As long as the winds blow I will always be with you, so please watch over Mondstadt for me.” Your words were making Venti cry as it was like back in your story quest but only ten times worse. And to think it was already painful as it was your next words that did him in. “Maybe in another life we will find each other again and maybe then we can be together.”

Watching you start to glow until you turned into partials of light till nothing of you was left, Venti is devastated. The chat is crying with him as he’s saying how awful it was that his sibling had killed the love of his life! His viewers are going to send him fanart and fics to look at that was an alternative that you lived in the game

Childe:

It was a big fight with the confrontation of the Fatui Harbingers, facing off against one of the other stronger members that blocked the path to proceed to seeing the Tsaritsa. The boss’ first stage was fine; however during the second stage it seemed after losing a certain amount of health the damage that Childe was dealing significantly decreased.

It was when the cutscene started that Childe was already dreading the foul legacy form he’d be facing this time. You suddenly came out of nowhere and already in your foul legacy form yourself Childe is going crazy over how cool you look; he’s also swooning at the fact that you’ve come to his rescue. The fighting progressed until you landed a successful hit that weakened the other harbinger; however, at that same time the other harbinger managed to hit you with a powerful attack

Childe is screaming at the sight of your mask breaking while you fell to the ground. He’s so glad that his character is running over to check on you instead of the fight picking right up, but he’s already feeling the feels hit him hard cuz he hates seeing you hurt. Seeing you back to normal, the damage you sustained was really bad; then the worst thought came to his mind. “This-This better not be what I think it is,” he’s saying not looking away from the screen listening to you weakly talk

“Haha don’t give me that look sweetie, I couldn’t just let this be where your journey ends.” Hearing those words and the nickname you used for his character was sad. “To think we’d be able to travel together more, but hey… Promise you won’t stop fighting and could you look after my siblings for me.” Childe is literally crying now that the reality of the situation is clear. If he gets a choice of dialog to choose from he is going to pick the choice that says that he pinky promises

If your character smiled at the choice he wanted to smile but he’s also just sad, you were dying in his character's arms. If you had given a small love confession in the little bit of life that was in you, he’s going to ugly sob and once the fight was starting again he needs to pause by going into his bag

Immediately he goes getting his big plush of you and coming back to hug it and cleaning his tears with his sleeve before looking at the camera. “I wasn’t ready for this, my baby!” He was not expecting to be losing you; he figured that some characters would possibly die but you were the last character he thought would be killed off in the game. There’s Fs in the chat all around and the crying emote; it’s sad boi hours in this chili’s. He doesn't wanna do the fight but also he gotta avenge you so this last stage fight was for you. Afterwards he’s gonna go look at fanart and video edits

Zhongli:

After helping some of the other nations and their archon’s fend off the abyss order it was time he headed to Liyue to find you. Of course as usual it wasn’t going to be as easy as running around the harbor until he got word from Xiao that you were in Cuijue Slope. So he headed over to help you before anything seriously bad could happen to you

Getting to the open area there you were fighting against the sibling as you were even in your archon robes. Going in and interrupting the fight his sibling clearly looked annoyed and proceeded to try to get him to side with them which of course he didn’t. A Herald appeared to allow the sibling to get away which the fight with the Herald commenced

Just when Zhongli finished up the fight thinking he had won it strangely went to a cutscene as his character and you started to talk; however it was when the fallen Herald came out of nowhere about to attack his character but must to his surprise you shielded him not only taking the hit, but also using your elemental burst to finish off the enemy. Zhongli is frowning at how badly you were hurt as he already has a bad feeling this wasn’t going to end good; the traveler was helping you sit up after having fallen over

“I’m glad to see that you aren’t hurt my friend.” You said as you certainly have seen better days. “Sadly I believe my time has come… Do not be sad dear friend, I have lived many many years… As knowing you has been life changing. Though rocks change from erosion, know that no time will change how I felt about you.” Your words broke his heart as you had such a soft expression on your face as your body began to glow and before he knew it you turned into particles of light and disappeared. He probably wouldn’t cry at most maybe a tear but he is clearly upset about your passing in game and would take a break to talk to his viewers and maybe look at the fanart that surprisingly had been put out already

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I just want to put a major trigger warning to this, and say that if you don't want to answer or even read this, I totally understand. I just need to let this out of me, to someone who could possibly understand. I know no one irl who has or had an ed, nor anyone even online who is trying to recover.

I want to recover at 100%, as in eating food with no consideration for calories or ''health'' (actually just the fear of carbs and 'bad foods'), eating like anyone would, like before. I long for a normal life again, and I've evolved so much, my life could be wonderful.

I said I really wanted to do it, again. I'm in holidays, so I can try to eat more and challenge fear foods, without fearing mental breakdowns in class or guts issues, or anything. But still, it's holding me.

There is this sort of nostalgia that is coming back, my ed shouting louder and louder, grasping me and convincing me I don't want to leave this life. It's so easy, it's so comforting! Hiding behind a wall of numbers and a bunch of math, under this faint and fake vanity and superficiality, focus all my attention, all my worries on this. A perfect control. And I know it's twisted. And I know it's stupid.

A part of me just wants to destroy myself, and I hate to say that, because I know it's mean I'm not fine, when I thought I was doing so much better. It comes to me, more and more often these days, this awful fantasy of these planned meals and half empty fridge, when I'll live alone, how I would follow these poor diets, dress my frail and sick body with big rags or pretty tops, drink coffee while enjoying the agony of hunger.

Many things bring me back nowadays. Some shades of lights, some smells, some words, nothing precise, but I'm thrown in this addiction again. It feels so wrong, I hate myself for wanting this, for being like this. I feel sad and stupid, having lost myself almost willingly to this hell and still being entrapt in it. I was what, 17 when I started? Spent my 18th years old birthday crying, starving. Still restricting for my 19th. I want to cry, how can I be so stupid and just give up so much time, so much joy? Why do I want this?

I don't know what to do. How do I do? How can I toss this trash away, mourn this twisted little universe? How do I stop romantizing my slow death, how do I stop to love dying ?

I'm sorry if this is too harsh to read. I really don't want to make anyone feel bad. But I'm just here, alone, crying in my sheets, and I'm terrified of anything.

Hi, anon. I'm so sorry you've been struggling with this. This has been sitting in my ask box for a bit, just because I've been very low-spoons in my current circumstances, but I hope you are okay.

I think it's excellent that you have been pursuing goals for full recovery and that you recognize the life it could give you. However, you hit the nail on the head when you described your ED as an addiction. An ED can absolutely become an addiction, and addiction changes the brain. It creates strong triggers associated with thought patterns and memories, and these are not so easily changed or gotten rid of. It takes a lot of practice, learning which coping tools work best for you, and lots of time for the brain re-wire itself before that call to the addiction begins to lessen. For some, it never is truly "gone" but affected individuals become stronger, more skilled at navigating the triggers, and further and further along in their healing process.

You are not alone, and you do not need to beat yourself up. A lot of us who've had EDs have romanticized our sickness before, and have clung to it when we knew better. A lot of people struggling with any addiction, even those who seem to be recovering and building much better lives, still feel that strong call back to their old life. Knowing that old life was bad and destructive doesn't lessen the cravings generated in the brain, because the cravings aren't originating from the part of your brain that uses logic. It doesn't mean anything bad about you that you experience thoughts of relapse. It just means that this experience had a significant impact on your brain that is not quickly forgotten. And even knowing this, you can continue to choose recovery every time. You may even find it gets easier to do.

I'm sorry to hear you don't have anyone to compare experiences. I wonder if you could access ED-informed therapy or a support group in your area? It seems like it could really help you to have that support and solidarity, as well as a professional helping you practice utilizing tools to get through urges to relapse. If you cannot access these supports, here are some things you can do on your own: write and create art when you feel this way. Putting the feelings out there will help you understand and process them. Destroy all writings if you aren't living in a safe place, though. Sit with the feelings. Don't pretend you're not feeling them. Let yourself process them. Cry if you need to. Breathe it out. Ask yourself where these feelings came from, what they are trying to tell you, and what you need to heal. And finally, acknowledge your destructive thoughts without giving them power. The more you try to suppress them, the more they will covertly distress you. You don't have to feel guilty about having them, it's all part of the process. Let yourself understand that you are feeling a call back to your addiction, as those who suffer from addiction often do, and that you don't have to beat yourself up for the thoughts. They're thoughts, you have them, you don't need to punish yourself for them. In fact, when you learn what painful or destructive thoughts are trying to tell you about your experience, you may be able to more effectively use your healing tools to move toward the wellness you want. So have some compassion for yourself, because you deserve that wellness just as much as anyone else out there in the healing process.

[uwusenpaiuwu]

Baji A.K.A. The Worst (Best) Matchmaker Ever

Summary: Baji dares you to call Mikey a ‘piss boy.’ You’re an idiot, so of course you say you’ll do it. Things don’t go as planned...or do they?

Pairing: Sano Manjirou | Mikey x Male Reader

Warning(s): mentions of omorashi (pissing), but there’s no actual pissing involved

You’re gonna die. Oh, dear God, our holy Lord and savior, you’re gonna fucking die.

Baji may be an idiot, but you’re an even bigger idiot for letting him convince you to call Mikey a piss boy.

It’s a pretty damn good trade-off, you foolishly reasoned when you accepted his offer: $10 and a spin on his motorcycle, which is basically hitting the jackpot for a broke, motorcycle-less middle schooler like yourself.

Now, what you failed to take into consideration, is that you’d literally be risking your life. Had you taken a step back and used your brain for a second or two, you would’ve realized that calling Mikey, of all people, a ‘piss boy’ isn’t worth the measly $10 Baji is currently waving in the air from across the room.

You open your mouth to chicken out. Baji pulls out another $10.

“You wanna waste your allowance? Fuckin’ fine,” you grumble under your breath, making damn well sure your icy glare is received and, yeah, the irritating smirk that widens across Baji’s face when you continue on your path to your demise means your message is read, crystal clear. He just doesn’t give a shit.

Taking a deep breath, you square your shoulders and practically march towards where Mikey is casually munching on fresh taiyaki, legs crisscrossed as he sits atop an old crate.

Oh, man. What would’ve been worse: interrupting one of Mikey’s naps or interrupting him mid-snack?

(Un)Luckily, you get to experience one of them today!

When your footsteps lead you to where you don’t want to be, you stop to stand directly in front of your target, who doesn’t immediately look up in your presence. Simply keeps munch, munch, munching.

It gives you a chance to hesitate, a chance to rethink your reckless decision, a chance to back out and save yourself from a one-sided ass beating.

Alas, the chance to make that split-second decision vanishes when deep, dark eyes flicker up to meet yours, the owner’s expression reading that he’s not exactly bothered to see you there, rather, simply curious to know what you want.

It’s the perfect moment to get this bet over and done with, so, along with your prayers, you just go outright and say it.

“‘Sup, Piss Boy.”

Mikey stops chewing, and you already feel your heart about to burst out of your chest.

The room comes to a dead silence, making it all the more nerve-wracking when, following a dreadful minute of absolutely nothing, Toman’s leader speaks.

“What.”

It’s the only word he says, voice low, emotionless, and instead of it being a question, it’s a demand, a challenge even, to dare you to reaffirm what couldn’t have possibly come out of your mouth.

You remind yourself to breathe, while mentally preparing yourself to get decked in the face, ‘cause it’s way too late to backpedal now. One of your feet is already in the grave; it wouldn’t hurt to speed things up and launch your entire body in there.

“Nothing. I just- I wanted to know how my, uh...my little piss boy is...doing?”

Well, you lived a good life.

Mikey stares at you, unblinking.

One second passes. Two.

Then-

“Are you into that?”

“I- Huh?”

“Baji said you’re into some weird stuff, but that’s pretty fucking dirty, (Y/n). Even dirtier than Ken-chin’s tastes.”

(”Don’t fucking drag me into this shit.”)

Seeing the horrified confusion on your face, Mikey’s head tilts ever so slightly to the side.

“You want me to take a leak on you, right?” he asks, and that’s when your soul says its farewell, leaving behind a red-faced corpse on the verge of combusting. Bringing a hand to his chin, he adds, “Or, did you want to piss on me?”

You thought getting beat up by Mikey would be bad?

No, no, no.

You’d gladly take that over this humiliation.

“Hey, Baji! What did the couple in your porn mag do? Did they take turns or what?”

And Baji, the piece of shit, can’t hold it in anymore and breaks out in the most obnoxious laughter, the kind that’s loud, unrestrained, and has him doubling over, gasping for air.

“Oh, fuck, this is gold!” He’s wheezing at this point, triggering a few of the others to start laughing as well, including Mitsuya, who, to his credit, at least tries to stifle his laughter. “Ask (Y/n) what he prefers! Ask!”

At the other boy’s persistence, Mikey raises an eyebrow at you, giving you his full attention as though genuinely curious to know what your pissing preferences are. It causes the flush coloring your face to turn 10 shades darker and 10 degrees hotter.

You don’t know what’s worse: the fact that your friends now think you have a piss kink, or the fact that Mikey is open to exploring said kink with you.

“So, what’ll it be?”

“I...” What do you even say in this situation?

“Do you want me to pee on you?” Mikey asks again in a much softer voice, hoping it’ll reassure you into giving him a direct answer. He doesn’t want to scare you, no. Knowing how nervous you get around him, he’s been doing his best to show only the good sides of himself to you.

That must be why he takes your hand in his, giving it a little squeeze to encourage you to speak up. What he doesn’t know, is that as opposed to being comforted by the kind action, it makes you feel mortified, especially at the insinuation of you wanting him to release his bodily fluids on you.

So mortified, actually, that the first thing that comes out of your mouth is an unintentionally shy, “Please, don’t pee on me...”

You realize your mistake the second those words are said.

Ahh! No! That’s not what you were supposed to say!

Why didn’t you say you don’t want anything to do with piss in general?!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Your head is spinning, thoughts going haywire after misspeaking , but what really sends you over the edge is the, admittedly, cute little smile you catch on Mikey’s face. Now, not only is your head in disarray, so is your heart.

“Alright. Since it’s you, I’ll let you do it.”

Nope. That’s it for you. Time to clock out of consciousness.

Thump!

“Oh. He passed out.”

Abrupt as it is, your passing out is of no concern whatsoever to Mikey. Nah, he finds it endearing as hell and crouches down to admire your ‘sleeping’ face.

“He must’ve been super happy,” he fondly muses, completely ignoring Draken’s advice to make sure you’re still breathing in favor of stroking your head and pinching your cheeks. 

(”He might die, dumbass. I’m tellin’ ya.”

“He won’t. (Y/n)’s strong.”)

On the other side of the room, Baji has zero fuel left in him to bark out another laugh at Mikey and his gullibility when it comes to wooing the person he fancies, though he does have the energy to wipe away the tears at the corners of his eyes.

“Best $20 I’ve ever spent,” he blissfully remarks to Chifuyu.

“Baji-san, this isn’t how you play matchmaker.”

“Dude, this is exactly how you play matchmaker.”

To prove his point, the long-haired teen points back to where Mikey is sitting beside you on the ground, carrying out a normal conversation with Draken, like there isn’t an unconscious person right beside them.

“Ken-chin, where should I take (Y/n) for our first date?”

“Huh? Date? I thought he was just gonna piss on you?”

“That means he likes me, Ken-chin,” Mikey explains, sounding, for all it’s worth, similar to a parent teaching their child a new life lesson. “And if the person I like likes me enough to want to piss on me, then, obviously, I should take him on a date.”

It makes no fucking sense, but if Mikey wants to believe that your love language is spilling less than desirable bodily fluids on each other, then so be it.

Because for him, anything goes as long as it’s you.

Not only are you $20 richer, you also scored yourself a date with someone that would let you take a piss on them and vice versa.

Aren’t you a lucky guy?

[herofics]

Hiya, I had a panic attack that lasted about 45 minutes last night that slowly built up in the day. Normally a panic attack is from other thoughts, but this time the only think in my head was me dying in different ways over and over again, feeling so tempting, making me cry and slightly audibly begging for it to stop. I start hitting my head really hard, i get dizzy from hyperventilating. After I'm so weak and tired, like all I can do is lay there on the floor How would Izuku, Mirio, Toga comfort this gender neutral s/o

I’m so sorry you had to go through that, I wanted to write this as soon as I could so maybe it can be a bit of a comfort thing. Anyway, older and living together, maybe they’ve just finished UA or maybe in their early twenties already, but still. I don’t think Toga would be a good fit for this, so I didn’t write her, sorry

~Midoriya Izuku~

Midoriya had been out to see some of your mutual friends from your days at UA, but you hadn’t felt like coming along. You had just told him to give them your best.

Midoriya had had a bit of a bad feeling about leaving you alone that particular evening, since you hadn’t been having the best of weeks, but you had assured him you would  be fine. You’d told him you were going to watch a movie and turn in early.

A movie and going to sleep early was exactly what you had planned on doing, but then something struck you. You had no idea what triggered it this time, but you could feel your chest tightening and your breathing getting more labored. You sat down on the couch and tried calming yourself, but you couldn’t. The most awful thoughts were taking over your brain. You saw yourself dying a hundred different ways in your head, and your vision was going blurry.

In the middle of having a beer with Bakugou and Kirishima, Midoriya got the most awful feeling in the pit of his stomach. He ignored it for a while, but it persisted.

“I need to make a call” he told them and stepped outside the bar.

He called you, but there was no answer, which made sense if you had already gone to sleep, but it had only been around an hour since he left home and knowing you, you would not get to sleep that quickly. That combined with the bad feeling he was having, he decided to head home. He sent the guys a text telling them he had to go home, and started walking.

At some point his walking turned into sprinting. The foreboding feeling that something bad was happening didn’t let up the whole time he made his way home.

When he got to the front door he fumbled with his keys for a moment, before getting the door open.

“(Name?)” he asked, raising his voice a little as he walked in.

No answer.

Midoriya walked farther into the house and found you laying on the floor next to the couch.

“(Name!) he yelped and knelt down next to you lifting you onto the couch.

You didn’t resist, in fact you didn’t move at all, you just laid on the couch, while Midoriya held your hand. He also decided to check your pulse, which seemed to be a little elevated, but it was there. He sighed in relief.

“Izuku?” you asked quietly as your eyes fluttered open.

“I’m here” he answered, placing a kiss on the back of your palm.

You started tearing up, and hiccupping, as Midoriya asked: “What happened?”

“I-I had a panic attack, I think…” you sniffled, your head was hurting like someone had hit you on it.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone, you I knew you hadn’t been doing well, and-”

You cut him off with a: “No-no, you can’t just stop living your life because you want to take care of me” as you sat up.

Midoriya looked a bit taken aback by what you’d just said.

“I’m not stopping my life, you’re a huge part of it, a part which I’d like to take good care of” he said.

“But I can’t be your whole life, Izuku. I don’t want you to miss out on things because of me and then resent me for it” the tears started falling as you said that.

“I could never resent you, I love you” he said softly.

“But-” you started.

“You need to stop thinking like that. You’re not a burden I’m forced to carry, you’re someone I chose to love, baggage and all” he said and sat next to you on the couch.

You leaned your head against his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around yours. You stayed like that for a while. You cried out your frustration as he held you close and told you it was going to be okay. How had you gotten so lucky? To have found someone like him must have been one in a million. You would cherish him till the end of your days, whenever that may be.

~Mirio Togata~

Mirio was coming home from a long evening at work. The time had gotten away from him a bit and he was late coming home. He had also stopped by a grocery store to get a few basic things, and some of your favorite candy for you as well.

When he got home he thought you were already asleep since most of the lights in the apartment were off. He set the groceries on the kitchen table, but in the moment of silence that followed, he heard something that made him dash to the bedroom. You were begging for something or someone to stop.

Mirio flicked the lights on in the bedroom and found you laying on the floor, sobbing and hyperventilating.

He didn’t say anything, he just sat down on the floor beside you and pulled you to his lap, with the side of your head resting against his chest. He was rocking a bit with you in his arms, just trying to get you to calm down.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here” he kept repeating as your breathing kept getting into a better rhythm.

“Mi-Mirio” you sobbed as you clung to his shirt for dear life.

“I’m here, it’s okay, just try to slow your breathing, okay?”

You didn’t even nod. You still felt lightheaded from all the hyperventilating, and all you had the strength to do was hold onto Mirio’s shirt as he held you close. You felt so unbelievably bad, you didn’t even know how long you’d been laying on the floor before Mirio came. You had had enough time to bang your head on the floor and almost pass out since you weren’t getting enough oxygen because of the hyperventilating.

You felt exhausted. Your body felt incredibly heavy, and you didn’t even have the strength to move. You just kept trying to get your breathing under control for the next half an hour.

Mirio held you close the whole time, until you could breathe at least somewhat properly again. You had your eyes closed, and he thought you might have either fallen asleep or maybe even passed out from the exhaustion brought on by the panic attack.

“What am I gonna do with you?” Mirio muttered to himself, his voice heavy with worry as he wiped some of your hair off your face.

You barely heard what he said, your ears were still ringing a bit and you weren’t really paying attention to anything other than keeping your breathing steady. You just tightened your grip on his shirt. You weren’t really sure what you were supposed to do with yourself either. You opened your eyes and looked up at him.

“I love you so much and I hate seeing you like this. I wish I could do more to help you” Mirio said and placed a kiss on your forehead.

You wanted to cry again, not really from being upset, more because of the fact that you had someone so wonderful in your life, someone that loved you so much.

“I love you too” you said quietly, you couldn’t muster the strength to speak any louder.

“You should probably get some rest, we can talk in the morning” Mirio said and stood up, with you still in his arms.

He set you down on the bed, and you pretty much fell face first into your pillow. Mirio was about to walk away, but you grabbed his hand.

“Thank you” you whispered.

“No problem” Mirio smiled softly.

You let go of his hand and he left the room, leaving you to fall asleep. Which you did, in a matter of minutes.

Mirio didn’t know how to help you when you were in such a bad state. He just wanted to make it all go away. All the pain, all the bad thoughts, everything that made you hurt so much, but he knew there was no miracle cure for this. It was a one day at a time type of situation, and like he had told you years ago, he would be there for you, for everyone of those days. He would walk through fire to get to you every day if that's what it took.

[raggaraddy]

Can you Taehyungs version of reader being shot cause of them?

I really like your Jimin and Namjoon Version that you’ve written🥰

Request from @dramaclub-thin: Mafia BTS where the reader is shot for/because of them.

A/N: It is so much longer than I meant for it to be. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading.

If anyone else wants to request, you can here.

Mafia Bangtan other parts:

Namjoon

Yoongi

Jimin

Jungkook

---------

Deception.

Summary: When you agreed to help Bangtan take down one of their enemies, you never imagined it could go so wrong.

Trigger warning: Smut, violence, blood, murder.

Taehyung

Mafia! Taehyung

"Are you ready?" Namjoon asks, shutting off the car's engine and turning around in his seat.

"Yeah," you nod back, hoping the rocking pit of nerves in your stomach isn't visible on your face. Scanning back and forth between him in the front and Jin sat beside you, you're checking to see if they are showing any signs of worry either. Finding a bit of solace in their surety.

"We're gonna lag behind about 20 minutes to be cautious and stay out of sight. But we'll be close. Just do everything like we said, and you'll be fine." Namjoon summarizes once again. Jin offering you a kind, reassuring smile to accompany the leader's words.

You nod again, sucking your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Running your fingers through your hair to fluff it for the 30th time. Hyperfixated on the time, you see the dashboard clock tick over. 20:21.

"Okay, let's go." You exhale deeply.

It was three weeks ago that Namjoon came to you with a problem that Bangtan was facing. Their weapons dealer was forcefully put out of business, which was Namjoons gentle way of saying he was killed, cutting off their supply to automatics and other bigger guns. Leaving them vulnerable. The man who took over their previous partners supply was known to be working with some of the other, smaller local crews. It was also known that he was a rival of Namjoon's and due to this tension refused to work with Bangtan. Normally, a problem like this would be something that they could handle. However, as Namjoon explained it, this guy was backed and protected by foreign money and was too hot to touch without starting a bloody war.

So the plan was simple. Risky, but simple. The supplier had to die. And it needed to appear to be from natural causes, so it could never fall back on Bangtan. No one directly affiliated could be involved. That meant none of the members could risk doing it. It also meant that it was too high a priority to trust an associate or hired gun with this information. Not with the reach and money the opposition had. No, it had to be someone within the family that could handle this, but someone the supplier would never know.

Opportunely, the supplier was known to have a weakness for women, hence the logical conclusion for Namjoon was one of the member's girls. Trustworthy enough not to turn or rat, not likely to be noticed among the myriad of other women, and except a few of them, all had no record linking them to Bangtan, so they would be complete unknowns.

Jin said it, but you already knew it. Out of all of the girls, you were the one who was the most capable. Your difficult past left you with many emotional scars but made you the best person to handle the responsibility. You're not susceptible to intimidation. Have very few moral hangups. And most importantly Namjoon knows how much you love Taehyung. How you would do anything for him. To keep him safe and happy. He knows he can trust you, and that when the time comes, you wouldn't hesitate to do what they needed you to.

As for you, you knew that Taehyung trusted Namjoon irrefutably and you had seen countless times that he was a good leader. Furthermore, you could appreciate the gravity of the situation. Because you're sure that if Bangtan's brain had any other choice, he would not have asked for your help. But since he had, you were going to do what was necessary to keep your family and Taehyung safe.

The problem was that Namjoon had insisted on secrecy. The only ones to know about his plan were you, him, and Jin. A few years ago, sure, lying would not have been a problem for you, you hardly ever told the truth to anyone. But this changed when you met Taehyung. He was the first person you could be honest with, the first person you ever let love you. And lying to him was something you were genuinely struggling with.

However, you knew Namjoon and Jin were right. There was no way Tae would have been okay with you being put in harm's way and he wouldn't be able to separate his feelings from the urgency of the task.

Although, that justification doesn't make you feel less guilty for deceiving him. And to make matters worse, you expected this to be over with last week already. But on your first date with the supplier, he had left the club early to deal with work suddenly. Giving you no time to spike his drink.

So here you were, attempt number two.

While you were meant to meet the supplier at a fancy restaurant first, Namjoon's plan was to skip that and get to his house as quickly as possible. Before the valet could open the supplier's car door, you leant through the open window, teasingly licking your lips. "I just realized," you purr, noting his eyes drop to your mouth and back. "I'm actually not that hungry. So how about we skip to the end of the night, and then you can take me out for breakfast tomorrow morning."

Your blatant offer works like a charm. 20 minutes and a car ride later, he's pulling you down onto his couch. Hardly able to keep his hands or lips off of you.

Tearing at your blouse he rips the buttons apart, his mouth sucking and licking at your neck. One of his hands roaming and grabbing at anything he can, while the other starts to hike up your pencil skirt. He removes his vest and buttoned shirt, not once parting his lips from yours. His large, hard chest muscles pressing against you as he pins you in between his arms and the couch. Spreading your legs apart, he grinds his crotch into your core and you can feel what effect this is having on him. And you have to admit, despite your mind being focused elsewhere, physically it's having the same kind of arousing results on you.

But this isn't what's supposed to happen. He's moving too fast and it's quickly getting away from you. You only want to get him comfortable and distracted enough that he completely lets his guard down. You're trying to poison him, not fuck him.

Pushing his chest lightly, you spring upright. Slightly out of breath you pull your hair over your shoulder covering up a little and running your fingers through it, trying to regain some composure.

"I could use a drink." You pant, batting your eyes up at him.

"Sounds good." He nods, his gaze dark and ravenous. Suddenly haulting he leans back down to kiss you. His hands gripping your hips as he kisses you back into the sofa. Abruptly leaving you flat on the couch with flushed cheeks.

This is better. One or two drinks from now, you should be able to slip him the ricin. He drinks it, you fake a headache, and skip home.  24 hours from now he has a heart attack and dies from natural causes. Nothing tied to you. Nothing connected to Bangtan.

"I hope you like-"  The supplier calls out, only to be interrupted by a grating smack at the front of the house. You startle upright, sitting alert watching the hall entrance. He comes from the other side, coming back from the kitchen, a curious look on his face. Both of you staring at the same doorway as Taehyung suddenly comes in.

Fuck.

Your eyes go wide, half not able to believe he is actually here. He wasn't supposed to be!  Namjoon had arranged for Jimin to take him out tonight. And you had told him you were going to meet some of the other girls.

The thing you didn't know; a week ago when you met the supplier at the club, you had also said you were out with a few girls, including Jimin's girlfriend. But she was with Jimin at that time. And Jimin was with Taehyung. And she knew nothing about any plans to go out.

So when you said there was a movie night tonight, he asked around and found out that was also a lie. He wanted to trust you. To trust that it wouldn't be as bad as his worst fear. Still, the more he thought over how you lied to him, the more he worked himself up, getting himself into a paranoid and anxious state. Until he found himself tracking your phone, following you to an unknown house.

Seeing you half undressed and with someone he considers an enemy, his anger and jealously turns to pure rage. It only taking a second for the scene in front of him to confirm his worst suspicions.

Unleashing his gun he shoots wildly at the supplier. Reason slipping from him completely.

Barley able to avoid being hit, the supplier dives behind one of the sofa chairs. Nearly being riddled with the showering of bullets.

Wrapping your hands over your head, you cover your ears from the explosive sounds. Still firing, and keeping the supplier pinned, Taehyung storms at you.

"Tae-" you start. The gun empties, but Taehyung couldn't care less, tossing it aside. All of his attention focused on you.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" He growls through gritted teeth. His hand flying down smacking your cheek, slapping you back into the sofa. "How could you do this to me?!" He screams, his voice wavering from the emotion in his question.

"I can explain," You ignore the burn on your cheek, running your hands along your body, trying your best to cover and redress yourself.  You never wanted him to see you like this, and the look of betrayal in his eyes is stinging your heart more than any slap could.  "I-," you begin with no next word coming. There's nothing you can tell him. Not while the supplier is right here.

Taehyung's anger aside, you're terrified to think what him being here means. Namjoon's plan is completely derailed. And Taehyung attacked the supplier, creating an entirely new problem. You're not the smart one. You have no idea what to do or how to fix this.

Where the hell are Jin and Namjoon?

Taehyung is so fixated on you that he doesn't see the other man charging from the side.

"Look out!" You scream. Only it's a second too slow. Taehyung doesn't have time to react and the supplier swings a ceramic table ornament at his head. The shattered fragments raining over you, as your boyfriend is knocked to the ground. The shoe of the imposing man booting into Taehyung's torso.

You dive towards them, driving your body weight into the supplier to separate the two men. Pushing him away as his heel scarcely misses Taehyung's face.

He stumbles back a few steps and straightens up, nodding and pursing his lips with a look of revelation. Seeing you spring to Taehyungs defence revealed much more than you had intended.

While you're attempting to help Tae upright, he quickly shirks you off and lunges at the other man diving through him and dragging him to the floor. Fighting for dominance and survival, the two men break into a brutal fight trading blow after blow as they struggle to overpower the other.

While you're relieved to see that Taehyung is the more skilled of the two, and mostly has the upper hand, you're mainly sick with worry. The ramifications of this will play out beyond this simple fistfight.

All you can do is get Tae out of here for now, and hope that the supplier hasn't realised that this was an attempt to kill him. Maybe if you're really lucky he will only think of it at face value. A cheating girlfriend and her jealous boyfriend.

"Tae," you grab his arm, dragging him back with resistance. "We have to get out of here. Please,"

He drops the supplier's collar, who falls back limply. Turning to you he has blood pouring down his face from a cut on his cheek. Intensifying the cold look in his eye.

"We? What we? Don't you wanna stay here with this piece of shit." He snarls, standing up.

"I can explain after." You tug him again. He can hate you all he likes later. But first, you have to get out of here. "Please," you beg for his agreement.

Staring harshly, he retreats from you. A pained look in his eye that cuts you more than any blade could. Anger, hate, rage. You could handle all of it. But there's so much hurt and sadness on his face. It's nothing you ever wanted to be responsible for. It's more than you can bear.

"Tae," you hold your hand outreached, gingerly approaching him.  He doesn't withdraw further, allowing you to rest your hand on his cheek. Your heart breaking further as he leans into your touch. Resting in your palm for comfort like an injured puppy. "I promise, baby, this isn't what it looks like." you coo, "I love you so much,"

His eyes close, his face scrunching in anguish. He wants to believe you so badly. To forget everything he has seen. To take you home and never let you go. He may be the first person you let love you, but for him, you are the only person he ever let himself love.

Turning, you use his softening demeanour to lead him towards the door. But the supplier pulls your attention. Neither of you were paying him any mind and standing in the corner of the room he's pulled his own gun from hiding.

Reacting without a thought you shove your back into Taehyung, covering him. Guarding him.

At the same time, a shot rings out and the bullet hits you. A painful, sharp sensation piercing through your torso that makes you stumble back. Losing your footing you fall into Taehyung, your body never hitting the ground. Taehyung catching your weight, lowering with you. Resting you on his legs.

Taehyung grimaces in pain, his hand wrapping his own side momentarily. The bullet went clean through you and cut his side before flying into the wall behind the both of you. Dismissing his own injury, he leans over your body, ripping off his shirt and pressing it and his palms into your entrance wound. Trying to slow the bleeding.

Looking up at Taehyung with tear-filled eyes, you're in shock. Every breath you take is sore but other than that, your body is numb. Your hands clinging to his, all you can think is that you wished you knew what to say or do to lessen his panic. The sweat on his forehead rolls into the cut on his cheek causing the blood to drip further down his neck and chest. The fear and worry in his eyes exposing what you can't see or feel. That you're losing a lot of blood.

The supplier comes over the top of you both. He presses the barrel of the gun into the back of Taehyungs head, forcing him to crouch lower over you.

"I was searching for a reason to annihilate Namjoon and his pathetic crew. Thank you for giving me one." He digs the gun down harder. Taehyung growls, baring his teeth in frustration. "Too bad we didn't get to finish what we started though, Y/n. Oh well." He smirks, cocking the gun for additional effect.

"I love you," Taehyung whispers, the finality in his voice breaking your restraint, tears gushing down your face.

"I-," you can only begin.

Another blast rings out that makes both you and Taehyung jump. The supplier's body goes heavy and plummets to the ground, smashing through the glass coffee table beside you. Glass shatters everywhere as he falls down dead, blood pouring out of his head, collecting into a pool.

"Fuck sakes." Namjoon sighs from the living room entrance. Standing with Jin, both looking over the destruction with disbelief.

"Hyung," Taehyung calls out, his voice raspy and on the verge of tears. "Help." He looks down at you, your face pale, your limps drooping as the blood loss is starting to make you dizzy.

Namjoon opens his mouth readying to scold his brother, but he quickly stops himself. His own faults glaringly obvious at this moment. Jin removes his belt, wrapping it around your waist he fixes it tightly, making you whine in pain, keeping Taehyungs shirt pressed to both sides of your wound.

"Can you carry her?" Jin asks his younger brother.

Namjoon passes all of you, walking toward the lifeless body of his enemy, shooting another round into the back of his head with a frustrated look in his eye.

Taehyung nods at Jin with wide, panicked eyes.

"Then bring her." Namjoon turns with a flick of his head gesturing to follow him.

Jin supports Taehyung as he struggles to get himself and you to a standing position. Finding more strength once he is upright, lifting you into his arms as you whimper and moan weakly.

"Taehyung-" you start, your words sounding breathless and weak. "I'm sorry," you whisper.

"Shh baby." He hushes you. "Don't worry about that now."

He gets you into Namjoons truck, laying you down the length of the seat. As Namjoon speeds to the hospital, Taehyung sits in the back, his legs under your head. Holding firm against your bullet wound while petting your head.

Jin takes Tae's keys and follows you in his car. Already calling a cleanup crew to get rid of the supplier's body. Trying to salvage what he can of the bad situation.

"Namjoon," you call out. Even as your mind is starting to slip into unconsciousness your worry over the family is consuming your focus. "the plan. Can you fix the-" you breathe heavily running out of air.

He looks over his shoulder, guilt overtaking his expression. Nodding with an affirming grunt.

"Plan? What plan?" Taehyung muses, the shock steadily drifting away. "What is she talking about, Hyung?" One look at the blame on Namjoon's face and it clicks into place. "What did you do?"

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this." Namjoon reasons.

"Are you kidding me? You organized this?!" He snaps, "How the fuck could you risk her like that?!"

"It was supposed to be easy. She wasn't meant to get hurt-"

"Well, clearly she did!" Taehyung roars, his hands bunching into fists.

"I'm sorry, Tae. I wanted to help." You whine, lifting your arm up to touch his chest, trying to soothe him in any way.

"It's okay, baby. I know you did." He coos kissing your forehead, Taehyung's rage immediately subsiding towards you. He takes your blood-drenched hands in his and kisses them lovingly. Kissing down your forearms, pressing your hands to his head in agony and want to have you closer. Wishing he could absorb your pain and suffering.

Returning his wrath to the leader his voice lowers, coming out like ice. "We're gonna talk about this once she's okay." He snarls, "And know, I hold you personally responsible for every second she's in pain."

Looking in the rearview mirror, Namjoon nods solemnly. "Yeah, I do too."

Luckily for you, you recover quickly, and no permanent physical damage was done. But the damage that was done to Namjoon and Taehyungs relationship, the repercussions caused for Bangtan, and the fall out from the supplier's death... well that's another story entirely.

[hahahahahangst]

Matilda (Be The Young 3)

GIANT TW which will be valid for each episode for suicidal thoughts, self-h*rm, violence, cursing, relatives dying, mentions of s*x, s*xual assault

All chapter titles are song titles, some of them translated from Italian songs. We start from the first season and make out way through the series. I will break canon (mostly from the S2 finale) but will try to get back into it for the sake of ✨ lore ✨ .

Summary: Emily's life used to be normal. Until one day, her family died, leaving behind just one letter.

"After reading this whole letter, call John Winchester. [...] He’s your real father."

MASTERLIST

Matilda

Matilda, you talk of the pain like it’s all alright but I know that you feel like a piece of you is dead inside

They had just worked a ghost gig in Colorado and she and Dean were getting ready to leave. The previous weeks had been weird: Sam and Dean had a fight, and the younger decided to leave. While Emily was not too keen on Sam, his presence made things between her and Dean a tiny bit better. Finally having someone who would stop their fights before one of them said something too mean or arrived on the verge of punching the other helped. He also was able to calm down Dean and to talk things out with him, which John could never do. While Sam was away, all the fights he had stopped resurfaced.

“If you wanted to die that much, you could have cut vertically.” was the sentence that finally made Emily snap and punch her brother. She probably hurt herself more than she hurt him, which triggered another fight about how she should be able to punch people without hurting herself.

Sam luckily came back the following day. 

“Can I ask you something?” He had asked once he had the chance to be alone with Emily. 

“Sure.” She didn’t raise her eyes from her laptop.

“What is going on with you and Dean?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean… What’s with the fights? Did something happen when dad was still here?”

“He’s an unaffectionate son of a bitch, that’s what happened.” 

They arrived in Hibbing and settled into a local motel. Emily had a friend there and so she made plans to meet him in a bar. 

“Don't wait for me tonight, okay? I'm going out.” She said, putting on a dress that was way too revealing to be going out with a friend. 

Dean looked at her from a corner of the room, an eyebrow slightly raised. “So this… friend, Mark, right? Is anybody else coming?” 

“Dean.” She said, smirking, pointing at her almost completely bare chest. “Does it look like I am going out with a friend…for friendly purposes?” He looked surprised for a second, then he answered. “Oh- I see.” 

“Yeah… you see, when two adults like each other-” 

“Alright, I got it, no need for the details.” He smirked, hiding behind his laptop.

She was supposed to meet her friend in a bar in the center of the town, but when she arrived in the parking lot, she felt something grabbing her ankle, making her fall and pass out without even having the chance to scream. 

When Emily opened her eyes, she felt worse than she had ever felt in a long time. She hit her head hard and she was also 90% sure she had a broken ankle. It took her a while to really put into focus the voices around her. 

One of them said something very familiar: “Don’t - call me - Sammy!” Sam sounded like he was struggling as something clanged, falling on the floor. Emily could not see any of that because his cage was positioned behind hers, a thin wall to divide them.

“I’ll be damned-” She muttered, resting her head in the bars behind her. “Sam, what are you doing here?” She said, in between annoyed and relieved. 

“I was hunting! What are you doing here?” 

“I was just walking in the parking lot.” She said, frustrated. “What about Dean?” 

“I don’t know…” A deep silence fell into the dark room. “Are you okay?”

“I think I have a broken ankle.”  She said, surprised by the sudden display of worry. “But I will be fine.”

With a clanky sound, one of the cages opened and a guy, which Sam called Jenkins, crawled out, trying to leave the building. Sam tried to warn him that it might be a trap, but he would not listen. The last thing he said before running out the door was a promise of sending help. However, it was not more than 10 seconds until they heard two gunshots, followed by silence.

“So…“ said Emily a couple of seconds later, scared. “Please, Sam, tell me you have a plan.” 

“Well…” he trailed off. She took it as a sign of him not having a plan. 

“Oh, we are so screwed. You know, all I wanted was one night to just have some sex and forget about how my life sucks for a moment, but no, I guess it was not in the cards, was it.” She said, bitter. “What is it that took us here, anyway?” 

“It’s people, Emily.” 

”...what?” She said, sure to have misheard him.

“Crazy, murderous, sure… but still regular human beings.” 

She did not answer. Never before, since she started hunting, she thought humans could play the antagonist part. If something had to ruin her hook up date, at least it could have been real monsters.

They waited in silence, until the door opened loudly and another prisoner was brought in. A woman. She got thrown in the cage Jenkins used to be in. She came back to her senses around half an hour later. 

“Are you alright?” Asked Sam’s voice behind Emily. The new prisoner groaned in pain.

“Are you Sam Winchester? Aren’t you?” She asked. He confirmed his identity and the woman told them Dean was looking for them. 

“And where is he now?” 

“I…” She hesitated. “I cuffed him to my car…“ There was a hint of regret in her voice as she realized that that small action could have set her up for not being rescued.

Emily let out a groan of anger and frustration, yanking at her chains in an attempt to set free. Just a second later, someone opened the door in front of her. It was Dean. 

When he saw her, Dean frowned for one second before turning back into his usual emotionless face. If Emily didn't know any better, she would have said he was worried.

“Emily, what the hell are you doing here?” He started messing with some buttons on the wall. She did not answer the question. “Where’s Sam?” Asked Dean, inspecting the lock on Emily’s cage. . 

“I’m here.” Answered Sam from his cage. The second Dean heard Sam’s voice, he moved away from Emily’s cage to move to his. “Have you seen them?” 

“Yeah. Dude, they’re just people.” 

“And they jumped you?” He smiled, making fun of him. “Must be getting a little rusty there… Now, Emily I can get it, but you?” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Said Emily, offended after less than 5 minutes in Dean’s presence. 

“Now don’t get your pants all twisted, we gotta get you out of here.” He moved back to the entrance, where he started pushing random buttons on a dashboard. “This takes a key.” He said.. He looked around, waiting for one of the prisoners to suddenly take out a key. “Okay.” he said, not getting any responses. “I better go find it.” 

“Be careful.” said Sam, while Dean disappeared again behind the door. 

“This better be the fucking last time he underestimates me…“ Whispered Emily while struggling with the chains. 

Everything went pretty much silent until the door opened again, but this time, it was not Dean. It was a big, hairy and dirty looking guy. He had a key in hand.

He used it in the same slot Dean had pointed to earlier and he opened Sam’s cage. Then, he walked over to him, rifle in his hands. Emily shivered hearing the sound of the weapon cocking. “What are you doing?” Asked Sam, alarmed. 

She did not have a plan, Sam did not have a plan, and Dean was nowhere to be found. Emily knew that if they wanted to get out of there, they needed to get more time. And so she did what she did better: she acted like a bitch.

 “Hey, asshole, leave my brother alone!” She screamed, directed at the armed guy. There was a second of silence, complete stillness, before the man started walking towards her. 

She could hear his footsteps closer and closer. 

When he finally reached her, his smell also did. It was pungent and unpleasant, haven’t-showered-or-changed-my-pants-in -weeks unpleasant.

He pointed the rifle at her. “You really need a shower, man.” She said, trying to sound cocky. The man smiled evilly as he aimed at her head. 

She stayed silent and stared at the end of the rifle. What a stupid plan. 

All of a sudden, the man seemed taken by surprise by something, he lost his balance, hitting himself on the head with the back of the rifle. He hesitated for one second: enough for Emily to jump on top of him and hit him in the face, knocking him out and stealing his weapon. 

The noise eventually attracted more people: Emily threw the first guy’s helpless body onto them to slow them down and then backed up to Sam and the other woman, who had escaped out of their cages. Her ankle was screaming in pain and running in the extremely high heels she was wearing made things ten times harder, but she hardly had the time to think about that. 

They had to fight, but eventually they all got out of the house. Emily fell to the ground, her ankle refusing to hold her up any longer. . Dena and Sam looked at her from a distance and kept talking.

“So…“ said the woman who was with them in the cages, a little bit later. “State police and the FBI will be here in an hour. I suggest you guys start walking. Duck if you see a squad car.” 

Emily found a shovel on the ground and used it as a crutch to walk towards Dean. 

“By the way, don't worry about me. I am fine.” She said, sarcastically pointing to her ankle.

“Doesn't look like it.” He answered back, looking at her foot.

“Don't you even think about bringing me to the hospital. I am fine.” 

“Okay, tough one,“ he mocked. “Shall we go?” 

They started walking towards the motel. By the time they got back, her ankle had swollen up to become blue-ish, and she sat onto Sam's bed, too exhausted to get back to her own room. 

“Can I patch you up or am I not up to your standards?” Said Dean, challengingly, while sitting next to her. Her ankle bounced on the mattress, making her hiss in pain. She gestured at him to just go ahead and he passed her a bottle of alcohol. 

“What is this for?” She asked, reading the label. 

“The pain.“ answered Dean back. Sam, in the meantime, was coming back from the hallway with a whole bag of ice. ”...trust me, you will thank me later. Now chug it.” 

She was about to complain to him that there were pain meds that were invented for that, but she figured she was not exactly in a position where she could be a choosing beggar. So she went ahead and chugged it. 

Probably too much. 

By the time Dean had actually started bandaging her ankle, she didn't feel the pain, but she started giggling, drunk. When he was done, he laid the bag of ice on his ankle and stood up. 

“Dean, you are taking care of me!” Said Emily, heavy eyelids and alcohol pumping through her veins. “Come here!” She opened her arms wide, like a kid would do, waiting for Dean to hug her. 

He was taken by surprise by that gesture and laughed under his breath before he awkwardly hugged her. He patted her on her back a couple of times before letting go of her. Sam was looking at the scene, amused, from the other bed. 

“I guess it's better if you sleep a bit, okay? Tomorrow you'll feel more like yourself again.” Joked Dean, seeing Emily almost falling asleep.

[ericspinkhair]

quarantine longings

pairing: best friend!kevin x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k

synopsis: you and your best friend have sex because quarantine made you horny

warnings: best friends to lovers, takes place during the pandemic, spoiler of 356 days (but not the end, just generally the plot), no use of condoms but only the pill, creampie, sexual fantasies, fingering, hand-job, sex, slight angst at the end if you squint

a/n: I would literally die for kevin, I love him so much. I'll be writing a multiple parts series about him after I'm done writing scenarios for every member first.

requests are open!

masterlist + requests

you slammed your foot hard against the wall and cursed in pain. you hopped on one foot to your bed, holding your other leg in agony and tasted blood as you bit your lip to keep the volume of your suffering groans in check. someone knocked on the door.

'are you okay?' your roommate asked concerned.

'no, leave me alone, kevin,' you croaked out. you wanted to suffer by yourself.

there was an awkward silence and then you heard him sigh. soon after, the door next to your room closed shut.

why were you so frustrated, one might ask? well, the pandemic was kicking your butt and you just couldn't take it anymore. when the news of the virus had first spread, no one thought it would become this serious. but suddenly everyone was walking around with masks and spent most of their time staying at home.

after graduating high school, you and kevin had decided to move in together for college because both of you were broke and couldn't afford to live alone. you had been best friends since middle school and had been convinced that it was a smart idea at the time.

and everything went smoothly for the first one and a half years. however, after not seeing anyone else since the start of the pandemic over a year ago, it became increasingly difficult to share an apartment, but not in the way one might assume. you were neither sick of each other nor did you fight a lot. to tell the truth, it was quite the opposite.

earlier, before you had kicked the wall in anger, the two of you had painted together. kevin was majoring in art and, since you didn't have anything better to do, you joined him while he did projects for his classes. you might have been majoring in journalism but you had always liked drawing and painting, even though you weren't particularly skilled. you were a naturally clumsy person, always tripping over air and dropping things. today you were hecticly moving around your hands while telling him about a stupid video you had seen and you accidently let go of the brush in your hand. it hit the side of kevin's face, leaving a wide splodge of red paint on his right cheek.

to get back at you, he jerked his paint brush and splattered some green color on your white shirt. you saw this as a challenge and soon both of you were both drenched in the colors of the rainbow, laughing hysterically on the floor, not caring that you were spreading the paint on the poor carpet.

you turned your heads to look at each other and you felt absolutely in peace. you loved this man and couldn't be more glad that it was him and not anyone else you were stuck with inside of this apartment.

he stood up to take off his stained shirt and your smile quickly faded off your face. your lips slightly parted and you couldn't help but stare at his now exposed biceps and abs.

your mouth watered and you felt heat pooling between your legs as you took your time to study his architecture. thoughts about how badly you wanted him to thrust into you while his strong arms held you up invaded your mind. you tried to shake them off but it was impossible.

occasions like this were slowly becoming a common occurrence for you.

having mostly stayed inside for over a year, also meant that you didn't have sex for that long. it's not like you were the horniest person on the planet but you still had needs that were being neglected. with kevin being home all the time you didn't even dare to masturbate, scared that he would be able to hear you through the frustratingly thin walls. you must have gone insane with all the lust building up inside you and that's why you suddenly craved to have sex with your best friend. this whole thing was destroying everything. it was hard to act normal when he was making you this nervous and heated but you tried to pretend that everything was fine anyway for the sake of your friendship.

that was the reason why you were angry and had hurt yourself. you hated the way you felt about your best friend and you hated the pandemic for not giving you an outlet to escape so you could recollect yourself.

what you weren't aware of was that kevin was no stranger to the exact same frustration.

he would need more than his ten fingers and ten toes to be able to count the amount of times he had to run to the bathroom to hide his boner because he had done so much as look at you bend over or stretch. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable but it was a challenge to try and calm down his hormones.

whenever he jacked off, images of you flashed through his mind; your sweet curves and pink lips drove him insane.

last week, you two were cooking together and you had asked him to get the salt. he stood behind you to reach for it on the highest shelf. he was forced to press his crotch against your butt cheeks and his dick hardened against his will. he quickly handed you the salt, excused himself and ran off before you could figure out what had happened.

he might not have known the cause of your sudden outburst but he sympathized with your fury because he had a lot of pent up anger towards covid as well.

he lay in his bed and tried to focus on the book he was reading but he couldn't tune out the groans coming from the room next to his. he cursed.

'stop it!' he was panicking as he saw a familiar tent forming in his pants. your sounds triggered some weird perverted part of his brain that sent signals right to his genitals. his dick was hardening and he saw no other solution to his problem than to give in to his subconscious desires.

he pulled down his pants just far enough so that his cock had enough room to spring out. it only needed a few strokes before it stood tall and angry. kevin pressed his head into his pillow and moved his hand fast. he wanted to get over with it quickly. he emptied his cum on his stomach while imagining your greedy little mouth being stuffed by his cock. he lay there panting as yet another round of shame flushed over him.

'get yourself together,' he whispered, mentally slapping himself.

***

'do you want to order japanese or italian?' you asked kevin. today was friday which meant it was time for your weekly tradition of ordering take out and watching a movie.

'definitely italian. we've already had japanese for the past four days. I need something else for a change,' kevin complained and shuddered at the thought of having to eat sushi again. the japanese restaurant prepared absolutely delicious food but he just couldn't stand it anymore.

you laughed at his pained facial expression. 'fine, italian it is.'

within twenty minutes the doorbell rang and after about half a minute kevin came back with two huge boxes.

he opened them on the small table situated in front of your couch and the smell of freshly cooked pasta seasoned with basil made your stomach growl.

kevin wanted to dig in already but you stopped him. you had to choose a movie first.

'let's watch tall girl. I saw everyone hate on it on tiktok,' you suggested.

'I think we should watch 365 days, that was all over my for you page as well,' kevin argued. you hadn't heard of it so you weren't sure whether it would be the right movie for you. the rule was that it had to be as bad as possible.

'according to what I have heard, it's apparently even worse than 50 shades of grey,' kevin added which piqued your interest. the both of you had watched 50 shades about two months ago and you were honestly shocked by how awful it actually was. you couldn't understand why everyone had been so obsessed with it when it was first released. if 356 days was really worse, then you'd hit the jackpot. you clapped your hands.

'fine, you win. I swear if the movie isn't as horrible as you say it is then you owe me something!' he intertwined his pinky with yours to promise.

watching horrible movies was way better than watching good ones. making fun of bad storylines, stupid characters or horrible editing was one of your favorite past times.

'I guess I'll have to add are you lost, baby girl to the top 10 worst lines ever spoken. who thought ah yes this is sexy, let's have him repeat it over and over again', you complained, shoving some pasta into your mouth.

'so he's like I won't do anything without your permission while he is literally groping her boobs against her will, like make it make sense, massimo', added kevin, ruffling his hair in frustration. he almost completely forgot about the food.

'so let me get this straight: he drugged her, kidnapped her, tied her up, hung up a painting of her just because he saw her face when his dad was shot?'

'totally relatable.' both of you giggled.

you were enjoying complaining about the plot. it was horrible.

there were plenty of erotic scenes but they were honestly so funny and kinda gross that you could bare it without really being affected by them. kevin, on the other hand, had placed a pillow over his hard-on to hide the embarrassing fact that these terrible, smutty scenes had turned him on.

and then the infamous boat scene came.

massimo and laura had a huge fight, she fell of the boat, he saved her and now she was suddenly so in love with him that she begs him to fuck her. which he does.

you felt your panties become increasingly wet as the couple had steaming hot sex.

'this is embarrassing but I'm so horny,' you admitted but in a way that should have suggested that you meant it as a joke. something about this statement stirred something in kevin.

'well, what can I say?' he replied and lifted the pillow. your pupils widened at the sight of your best friend's bulge.

his eyes darkened and he looked at you with lust clearly written on his face. you reciprocated his stare with the same intensity. you tried to focus on his dark brown orbs instead of his boner but the image you had just seen was present in your mind.

his gaze shifted to your lips and, before you knew it, kevin climbed above you and pressed your back flat onto the couch.

your lips locked and you immediately buried your hands in his hair to pull him closer. you moved in sync, his lips fitting perfectly onto yours. you bucked your hips up against his crotch and earned a moan from kevin. he opened his eyes in shock as realization hit him. he quickly pulled away and jumped off the coach.

'I'm so sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have just done that. I don't know what came over me,' he apologized profusely, staring at his feet. did he really think that you didn't want this?

'give me your hand,' you told him and held out your hand.

'why?' he raised his eyebrows in confusion. you rolled your eyes.

'just do it.'

you took his hand and led it to your crotch.

'what are you- oh my god.' your juices had completely soaked through your panties and your sweatpants. 'you are so wet.'

'for you,' you added. 'there's no need to apologize. I'm literally begging you to continue.'

you didn't have to say that twice before he pulled you closer to him by your hips and engaged you in another desperate kiss. his hands were groping your butt while you let yours slide under his hoodie. you felt his naked skin and toned abs, as you rubbed his stomach. you lowered your hands and bravely palmed his boner through his clothes.

'y/n,' he hissed out against your lips. you hooked your thumbs in the elastic of his pants and underwear, and pushed the material down to his thighs. he struggled to get them off.

you stroked his hard dick as he slipped his hand into your panties to massage your pussy at the same time.

he slipped one finger inside and began working it in and out. you finally were getting the relief you had been desperately craving for for so long. kevin was skilled and your walls were trying to swallow his slim finger. you were quickly coming close to your orgasm after having abstained for more than a year. you pulled his hand out.

'I bet you can make me come even better with your dick,' you challenged kevin.

'you bet I will.' he was confident.

'let me just look for a condom.' he was already turning away to go search in his room but you held him back by the arm.

'forget about it. I'm on the pill and I want you raw. I want you to come inside me and not spill into a stupid condom.'

the idea of this sounded very tempting to kevin. he picked you up and threw you back onto the couch, drawing your hips closer to him so he could pull off all the pieces of clothing that were hindering him from accessing your pussy.

he propped up his arms next to your sides and spread your thighs apart. strings of arousal were hanging from your folds and he saw your hole desperately clench around nothing. his dick hurt from how much he wanted to finally be inside of you. he wanted to find out how close he had been able to imagine how you would feel around him.

your hole took him in easily, welcoming him happily by embracing it tightly. kevin swore he could've cum right here and there.

he went slow at first to give you a chance to adjust but you were already fully ready, rocking your hips forward to meet his thrusts.

he crashed your mouths together and you kissed him like he was oxygen and you were short of air. you smiled and your eyes rolled back, satisfied with how things had played out today and the prospects of coming looked fairly promising.

desperate for release, kevin picked up the pace, his eyes closed while fucking into you like a horny animal. he couldn't help himself and all the 'faster's and 'harder's spilling from your mouth only encouraged him to drive himself deeper into you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso in an attempt to regain the control you were losing.

'fuck fuck fuck,' you cursed, feeling your muscles starting to contract. kevin brushed away some hair that was stuck to your sweaty forehead.

'it's fine, I'm coming too,' he announced and it took only a few more thrusts before a body shaking orgasm flushed over you, making you see only white. this drove kevin over the edge too and he spilled inside you, filling you up with his hot cum. he continued to slowly ease his dick in and out of you, fucking his semen right back into you until you had ridden out both of your orgasms. he let himself fall onto the couch right next to you, panting hard.

'I very much needed this,' you sighed in content.

'same, I wasn't sure whether I could hold out any longer without having a proper orgasm.' he watched his cum drip out of you.

'we should've thought of this sooner,' you said. 'this was a great idea.'

kevin hummed in agreement.

***

so now you and kevin were having sex on a regular basis, your high score being five times in a day. it felt good to finally live out your sexuality and not having to restrict yourself. sure, you guys did it more than necessary but it was a great way to pass time and it felt fucking amazing.

today you had done it in the shower after waking up, then on the kitchen counter and you had just finished having sex in his bed.

he was spooning you from behind, his cock still placed inside of you. he nuzzled his nose into your neck.

'stop, that tickles,' you chuckled.

'sorry.'

after a while of comfortable silence you heard him let out a big sigh.

'what's wrong?' you asked as he pulled out of you. you turned around to be able to look at him.

'I don't think I can do it like this anymore,' he confessed.

'what do you mean?' you asked. 'are you talking about us having sex?'

he nodded. your heart dropped and you started feeling dizzy. you tried to search for answers in his eyes but he avoided looking at you.

'w-why?' you stuttered, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in your eyes.

'it was amazing at first,' he started and finally raised his head to meet your gaze, 'and I went into it without much thought. I went crazy during quarantine and began fantasizing about having sex with you. then it became reality but now I understand that was probably wrong of me. I've always thought of myself as a gentleman, yet I slept with you without much thought. you see, my issue is this…'

suspense hung in the air and you were impatiently waiting for him to get to the point.

'I like you.'

you quietly gasped in surprise. you had been expecting him to say you were bad at sex and that he regretted everything but not this.

'I shouldn't be sleeping with you unless you were my girlfriend,' he finished off his ramble. you felt immensely relieved.

'do you want me to?' you asked him.

'want you to what?' kevin was confused. he had been a hundred percent sure you'd immediately jump out of the bed in disgust when he confessed.

'be your girlfriend. after all, I like you too, you moron.' you realized that you had known this for a while. you might have even been crushing on your best friend since way before the pandemic struck but it was kind of hard to track your feelings. still, you were sure you liked him too. now that he had admitted his feelings, you were able to admit yours not only to him but to yourself as well.

'wow, I didn't expect this,' kevin confessed surprised. you laughed.

'yeah, we should've realized this sooner.' he pulled you closer and kissed you. it was different than the other times. his lips moved softly against yours, in contrast to all of your rough and passionate kisses you had exchanged these past few weeks. he conveyed his emotions through the kiss.

'you're ready again?' you groaned as you felt kevin's dick harden against your upper thigh. he chuckled.

'sorry, you just turn me on so much.'

so then you did it for the fourth time. that day, you set a new record of having sex six times. you might have been happy now but still just as horny.

[siriushxney]

⊱┊at the end of the day

— pairing ; malyen oretsev x reader

— warnings ; descriptions of a fight, blood

— note ; first fic/blurb about shadow and bone - also not edited

you watched from the sidelines — wincing at every sound of skin hitting skin; holding your breath whenever mal’s head whip to the side; watching blood spill.

fights between first army men were normal — occurring whenever there were no orders being yelled out to the squadrons, or when sitting in the cold became too much.

pressed shoulder to shoulder with the men and women in the crowd, you were shoved side to side as they roared with excitement — taunting, cheering, and betting on who would come out victorious.

“get him mal!”

“you got this!”

the men that you knew as dubrov and mikhael shouted from mere meters away from you — the look of excitement covering their faces instead of worry and dread.

dread that their friend wouldn’t make it out the same way he entered.

a strong punch to his jaw sent mal tumbling into the crowd, dubrov and mikhael catching his hastily. as they steadied him, mal cast a quick look around the tent, his eyes immediately finding yours.

you didn’t need to mouth a word to him, your eyes speaking enough. be safe.

with a swift nod back, mal readied his hands once more, the white fabric that was wrapped around them stained with blood, growing more red as it absorbed the blood from split knuckles beneath.

and before you knew it — the man standing across from him fell.

—

as soon as the fight finished, you walked off — preparing the things that you needed to tend to mal’s wounds.

what felt like hours, mal had finally arrived — a large grin covering his face, and eyes sparkling as he replayed the fight in his head.

“sit.”

his quick feet brought him to sit on the crate in front of you — the grin still ever so present on his face.

holding a single hand out, mal laid his hand in yours, watching as you unraveled the blood soaked material.

he didn’t speak as he watched your hands work. as rough and calloused as they might have been from years in the first army, your worked gently — hands slowly peeling and removing the wrap without hurting him any further then he was to the best of your ability.

even in the midst of war, you had a gentle soul.

“so, what’d you think?” mal asked, his eyes flickering between your working hands and your concentrated face.

“it was sure something.”

“you’re not impressed?”

“how could I be when your here bloodied and bruised day in and day out due to stupid fights for foreign money?” you set his hand down on his thigh and gestured for his other one.

“hey, foreign money is hard to come by here-“

“it’s foreign money mal — it means that it’s useless here,” you muttered.

despite all your focus on tending to his hands, you still bit back quick and sharp — while your soul was gentle, your mouth wasn’t.

but maybe you had gotten that from him.

“we’ll be rich when we get out of here though,” mal spoke gently, his eyes focused on your face, gouging some sort of reaction.

“if we do mal, if.”

“when.”

sighing you let his hand fall to his lap — the gentleness that was used for his other hand now gone. “fine, when. I just don’t understand why fight have to be a nightly occurrence — can you not take a break for one moment and actually heal?”

“you patch me up after every fight — i’m healed perfectly fine for the next one,” he casually shrugged, pulling new bandages out of your shoulder bag which sat on the grass.

“healing as if physically — not mentally, mal,” you grabbed the material out of his swollen hands, taking it upon yourself like you usually did, to wrap his hands correctly. “a year from now, your hands won’t even be able to write properly-“

“if they can still pull a trigger, then they’re perfectly fine-“

“mal.”

you looked at him with harsh eyes — an ounce of you begging for him to just listen for once. and he did — he leaned back slightly, and lowered his head slightly.

“I don’t mind patching you up — in fact, if I can help, I will,” you tied the knot as you finished wrapping his hand, moving onto wrapping the next one. “but seeing you with split brows, swollen hands, and bruised eyes — I can only take so much. seeing you like that is hard for me.”

mal didn’t speak for a few moments afterwards, waiting silently for you to finish wrapping this hand until he did.

instead of pulling his newly wrapped hand away from yours, he brought his other hand to a close around it — your hand sandwiched between his. “I’m sorry — I really am,” he rose to his feet, pushing himself closer to you as he did so. “but if I have to fight every night for the rest of my life, just to end up alone with you — then that’s something that I would do in a heartbeat.”

“you don’t have to spill blood to be close to me, you know that right?”

he smirked, his eyes twinkling with something that you’ve come to know as mischief. “yeah, but it’s a win-win situation — I have my fun, and still end up here with you at the end of the day.”

“you’re a pain.”

“only for you.”

[ibuki-loves-you]

Trigger Happy Havoc Girls with an S/O who is like Mikan

Warnings: Mikan's personality/actions

Mod Ibuki: Hey hey hey!! Sorry for the long wait on this :/ I hope it was worth it, though!

Kyoko:

Kyoko was immediately worried for your safety

She had a lot of questions

Why were you so shy? Had you been through something?

She kept those questions to herself though

If someone ever made fun of you, she’d glare

Literally just walk up to you, wrap on arm around your waist and the other on your arm

And glare

If you ever took a fall in front of her she’d carefully lean down and help you up, suggestive or not

Although she might blush a bit if it was a suggestive position

“There, you’re alright. It was just a small trip, thankfully.”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she would be appalled

“Love, I don’t want you to take your clothes off because I’m not in a particularly good mood. Bad moods are normal, that doesn’t mean you take your clothes off every time it happens. Don’t offer that to me unless you personally want to do it.”

Kyoko is not someone you can look at and feel as if she’s mad at you, because she makes it clear if she is

But if you did think she was, she’d be pretty upset

“No, love. I’m not mad. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I honestly don’t think I can be mad at you. You just seem to make everything better.”

Kyoko’s heart skips a beat whenever you’re around <3

Hina:

Hina LOVED YOU

The minute you two met she did not let you out of her sight for long periods of time

She was just worried someone would hurt you or take advantage of you

If someone ever made fun of you, she’d be so mad

No one wants to deal with mad swimmy baby

“That is so rude, you know!? That was completely uncalled for! There was absolutely no reason to say that! Now apologize!”

If you ever took a fall in front of her, she would honestly fall too just to make you feel less embarrassed

She’d cover you if need be, though

Either with clothing or with herself when she “falls”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d be in shock

Mainly because you offered it to her because you thought she was upset

“What!? Please, S/O, no! Don’t say that! Taking your clothes off won’t make me feel better, cuddles will! Get over here! Because of that statement, I demand you let me cuddle you!”

If you ever thought Hina was mad, which is rare, she’d he so upset

“Baby! No! Not at all! I could never be mad at you! I swear! Your face is just too adorable to be mad at!”

Swimmer baby just wants your happiness above all

Celestia:

Celeste would never admit it if anyone asked

But she loved you the minute she laid eyes on you

Your personality only made her want to be with you more

Not many people dared to bother you, but if an unlucky soul did try to do such a thing…

Celeste would give them a run for their money

“Are you fucking kidding me!? How dare you!? Why don’t you crawl back into whatever ditch you crawled out of and leave my significant other alone! Do I make myself clear!?” She’d turn to you and give you a soft smile. “Come on, dear. Let’s go get some tea to cheer you up, yes?”

If you fell in front of her, she wouldn’t be able to catch you without falling herself, but she’d immediately take your hands and help you up

“Come now, darling. Don’t cry, it was an accident. Everything is alright.”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, it would take a second to click

But once it did her reaction was similar to Kyoko’s

“Darling, I don’t wish for you to take off your clothes merely because Yamada put me in a foul mood. I would much rather you keep said clothes on and have a cup of tea with me, maybe some conversation as well. Please don’t offer yourself to me out of pity.”

If you ever thought she was made at you, she honestly thought she was gonna cry

“W-What? Dear, no. Not one bit. Not one ounce of me is angered by you. I love you far too much to be mad at you. Now, come here and let me hug you.”

Celeste truly does care about you, more than she has cared for anyone before <3

Sakura:

Protective

That’s it

Sakura wants your safety above all, because she knows how shy people can be taken advantage of easily

If anyone dared to make fun of you, oh boy

Sakura is fucking terrifying

“I suggest you run before I snap you in half.”

That’s all it takes to send them on their way

If you fell in front of her, she would definitely be able to catch you

And she would!

But if you did manage to miss her arms, she’d pick you right back up and hold you

“See? I got you. Everything is okay.”

If you offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d be calmer, but nonetheless upset

“Hey, don’t do that. I don’t want you because of your body. I want you because of your personality. That’s what I fell in love with. Don’t offer yourself to me, or anyone else. Ever. It’s your body, you can most certainly choose what to do with it.”

If you thought she was angry with you, she’d be so quick to tell you otherwise

“No, not at all. I am not mad in the slightest. Even if I was, I’d never take my anger out on you. That’s wrong, and I love you too much to even think about doing that.”

With Sakura as your girlfriend, you will always be protected. And that’s a promise

Mukuro:

Mukuro is shy, but definitely not as shy as you

Like Sakura, she wanted your safety above all

Let it be from others or her cruel sister

If someone ever made fun of you, she’d be pretty angry

Hell, she may put those skills of hers to good use

“Hey. Don’t let me hear you say something like that again. Ever. That’s just plain disgusting.”

If you ever took a fall in front of her, her reflexes are extremely fast, so she’d try her absolute best to catch you

More often she does, but on the off chance she’s unsuccessful, she’d apologize with a bright blush

“I-I’m sorry, love. I tried to catch you, uh, I’m sorry. Here, grab my hands.”

If you offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d immediately say no

“S-S/O! No! No, I-I don’t want you to do that! I-I’m not in a bad mood, and even if I was I wouldn’t want you to take your clothes off just to try to improve my mood! Please don’t offer that to me, that’s practically violating you! And I don’t want to do that!”

If you ever thought she was mad at you, poor girl might cry

“L-Love, I’m not mad at all. I-I promise. Even if I was mad, I don’t think it could be caused by you in all honesty. I love you, okay?”

Soldier baby’s heart go brrr

Sayaka:

Shy or not, Sayaka’s a cute blushy mess around you

She still teases you in a friendly manner, but always makes sure you know she’s only playing

If anyone over bothered you, she’d be incredibly salty

Like, pettiness and all

“Oh, so that’s how you’re gonna be? Well, I’ll have you know that my significant other is NOT gonna do that. You’re a rude person and I hope karma hits you hard.”

If you took a fall in front of her, she’d screech so sound and try to catch you, but would most likely fail

When she saw that you were embarrassed, like Hina she would trip to make you feel better

“See, S/O? It’s fine! Now we both tripped, hehe! Isn’t that funny!”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d hug you immediately and try to make you happy

“Nope! I don’t want that, okay? I want to kiss your cute face! Not rub up on you because you want to make me happy! Now c’mere, so I can kiss your cute face!”

If you ever thought she was mad at you, though, she’d be really sad

“What? No, I’m not mad at all! Let alone at you! I promise, S/O. Even if I was mad, I’d have a peaceful conversation. Not a screaming match about it! Now, give me a hug!”

Sayaka will hug you as much as you please, as long as it makes you happy <3

Toko:

Toko thought you were annoying at first

But then she realized how similar you two were

Not long after, she fell in love with you

Just like in those cheesy novels she writes

If someone ever bothered you, she’d get pretty mad

Lowkey considers letting Syo out

“H-Hey, asshole! T-That’s a r-real d-dick t-thing to say! S-So w-why d-don’t you just g-go back to w-whatever ditch y-you crawled o-out of a-and d-die!”

If Syo was around when someone bothered you, well I think we know how that'll go

They aren't around anymore, especially if they were a pretty boy

If you ever fell in front of her, she’d lowkey get second-hand embarrassment, but would help you up anyways

“Hey, l-look, you’re fine. N-Not a scrape or anything. Y-You’re okay.”

Syo would leap into action immediately and pull you to your feet

"See!? It's like you never even fell! You're okay! No tears, I hate seeing you cry!"

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d freak the fuck out

“W-What!? N-No! D-Don’t do t-that! K-Keep your clothes o-on! I-I’m n-not mad! E-Even if I w-was, I w-wouldn’t w-want you to s-strip! Y-You’re t-too p-pretty for t-that!”

If Syo was around, she would as well

"What!? Oh no no no, this just won't do! You're body is far to marvelous to be shown so willingly, y'know that? Don't let others see it so easy! Even if it is just me! Doesn't matter!"

If you thought she was mad at you, she’d scoff at first, but then realize you were being serious

“What? I’m not m-mad at you. W-Why would I b-be mad at y-you? I-I have no reason to b-be. D-Don’t say that, I-I’d tell you if I-I was mad at you...S-Speaking as if I-I c-could g-get mad at y-you.”

Syo would latch onto you and hug you, giving you a little spin

"No, dollface! I'm not angry at all! See? I'm happy! So happy! Especially because my baby-cakes is here! Now, c'mon! Gimme a smooch!"

Even though she’d deny it at first, Toko really does love you