#which is why i try and keep to myself and only interact with moots | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lesbiansanemi · 5 months ago

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I mean I knew this was gonna happen and I’m not bothered by it in the sense of like “no one wants to read my fics 😭” but it is kinda so sad it’s funny how I started posting femslash again and this is what the stats look like

I mean, ofc, I know these have been posted in just the last week, however, generally if I post an m/m fic it usually racks up at least a hundred kudos in the first couple days

And like, for comparison. These are one-shots that were posted in 2022 that are similar lengths and most of which are in the same fandoms (or at least fandoms of similar sizes), and none of the femslash fics would be what is considered “rarepairs” (in fact they’re the most popular femslash ships in the respective fandoms)

These are the femslash fics and the most popular one is almost three years old and hovering just below 450 kudos

Now here’s the m/m fics (while the ships are not necessarily rarepairs, they are not the most popular m/m ships)

Like holy god…. The difference is fucking insane. The lowest one from that period of time has nearly 700 kudos. That's creeping towards two times the amount of the most popular f/f fic

Hell. Here’s a gen fic also posted around the same time

Even it has pretty easily and obviously overtaken the femslash numbers

Here’s f/f smut compared to m/m smut, just to tackle that particular type of fic while we're here

I'm sure you can tell which is which... And again, I want to stress, this is the most popular f/f ship in the fandom vs a fairly popular but definitely not comparable to the most popular m/m ship from the same fandom. And if anything, the m/m smut has far more niche kinks/dynamics than the f/f smut

Here's my oldest f/f fic (and oldest fic in general) along with the number of fics within the ship's tag

Now, here's an m/m fic posted about a year later, with a similar number of works for the ship

So you can't even argue that it's because I'm only writing for femslash rarepairs (also that's a moot argument anyways because in 95% of fandoms, if you look at it statistically, nearly all f/f ships would be considered rarepairs and at a certain point... you have to face that that's because they're f/f ships. That's the only common denominator. The only fandoms that's NOT the case for are ones where 80-90% of the characters are women.... ergo there's barely any men to ship together.)

And then of course, there's the annoying-ass age old "but the female characters just aren't written or developed as well as the male characters!!!!" excuse

Well. Let's take a look at My Hero Academia as an example. Here are the amount of fics for Toga/Ochako, two major female characters who have a very in depth relationship, and you can argue, are at least semi-canon in regards to them having romantic feelings

VS Shinso/Kaminari, an m/m ship containing two very background characters with a fraction of the screen time or focus of Toga or Ochako, and who barely interact with each other throughout the entire series

So.... once again, I'm sure you can see the point I'm making here, and showing why that's such a flimsy bullshit argument that people keep falling back on because god forbid they actually focus on a woman but they want to blame it on someone else and not their own misogyny....

And it's just.... I'm not entirely sure what point I'm trying to make. It does just get tiring. It doesn't matter how anyone tries to phrase it or point it out, if you talk about how there is so clearly a bias against female characters and f/f ships among fandoms that is most definitely rooted in misogyny, people act like you're fucking crazy or a bitch or just trying to ruin their fun or whatever.

They also like to go on and say things like "well if you want more of it just make it yourself." Except.... look at what happens when we do. You can literally statistically see that people prefer m/m to f/f, and yeah, it's fucking annoying and tiring and disheartening.

I write mostly for myself, and I'm happy with all my f/f fics and will likely continue making them, but surely you can see how this would be discouraging to so many writers (and I'm sure artists probably struggle in a similar way). Even if we make more f/f art, fic, edits, etc., people still aren't engaging with them in any meaningful way in comparison to m/m content.

Again, I don't mean this in the sense of "people need to go read my f/f fics RIGHT NOW!" It's just pointing out a very obvious pattern of behavior and engagement that yeah, I do get tired of seeing. It fucking sucks seeing and knowing that no one cares to engage with femslash. Because again, this isn't some abstract thing, me just saying "sigh... no one cares about f/f" and that being that. There's fucking numbers and stats here that prove it

Idk. Like I said, it's annoying and tiring to see, and it does make me disappointed to know that no matter what, my m/m fics will always, always garner more attention than my f/f fics

#again i know the fics i'm currently posting have been for some smaller fandoms #but it still rings true....#especially when looking at the older fics which are part of much larger fandoms #idk like i said i'm just tired and annoyed #and the point isn't that i'm upset that my current fics aren't getting any engagement #the issue is the clear pattern that at a certain point is fucking infuriating to watch over and over #anyways #long post #kaz rambles

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celli-ohs · 3 months ago

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wow...this is going to be a long message and definitely all over the place but u deserve all the praise

i just read ur soobin x pregnant reader fic and put off my homework to do it for good measure. i've been on Tumblr for so long and watched the decline of fics/fandoms/writing and have never acutally felt immersed in a narrative as deeply as I just did

the story is so good and the pure joy in my heart when I read u were releasing more parts?

seriously, you are an epic writer with so much talent and you seem to be one of the only people on this app ACTUALLY WRITING which I can't stress enough is so difficult like

on this app i'm not saying there should be 5 star writers but like if they existed u fall into the category

narratives are repetitive, tropes, pwp, AI written stuff, literally bad quality work, but this is so refreshing and the emblem of what FICS on here used to be like this was genuinely amazing

and sure pregnancy is a trope but executed to this degree? like u deserve all the hype and all the credit and I cannot wait to see what u do w this! def earned urself a new (DEVOTED) follower <3

you dont know how much this means to me, genuinely I feel accomplished and loved just reading this 😭😭

i've been writing fanfic since i was 11 yall,,, embarrassing but humble beginnings! i literally used to write the most childish out of pocket fanfiction in this notebook I had, it was filled and filled with chapters of whatever crazy ass plots i'd made up in my head 💀

so to hear people give feedback and praise to my work is always so astounding to me, I don't think little old me ever thought I would actually be publishing/posting my works on public forums for others to enjoy and read. I'm really thankful everyone's been so kind so far!

i myself have been on tumblr for a long time too! i used to just read fanfic or look at art, so I can see where you're coming from with the decline of long written fiction. i guess that's kind of why i write? I've gotten to a point where i have very specific tropes and plots i want but i never seen it written or if they are written, i want more of it lol so i just write it myself with whatever free time i have. which tbh isn't a lot, working 2 jobs, going to school, and having a social life outside of writing is not for the weak lmao (i'm on edge 24/7!)

i still think of myself miles away from being a great writer/author, and sometimes i feel as if I'm not even that creative in my plots or narratives, I've read fics where i have to sit back and think "damn, how did they come up with this??!" bc i hell would have not! so really i thank you for your kind words and your acclamations!! it means a lot to me and really motivates me to keep trying and improving my skills.

it also reminds me that there are actual human beings who read my shit?? like fr?!! you guys take time out of your own day to read my stuff, like, reblog, comment, etc, it's so nice! i hope all of my lovely followers and moots know that I appreciate and love each and every one of you and every lil interaction we have! <3

god sorry for how long this is I got really sappy and a bit tmi but I'm an emotional lil gal who likes to talk ur socks off if you give her the chance!!

#anons ꩜.ᐟ #celli's pov ❤︎₊ ⊹#atilwat #sorry i yapped a lot in this one i got really emotional

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p0ck3tp03t · 1 month ago

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Rampant Thoughts 72.

Stepping into Death

Some people live and others survive. I am the latter as I have stopped living from a time of which there exists no recollection. Somewhere along the line I began seeing the association between myself and objects as a burden and even further along the line this association mutated into being applied to humans. There exists nothing in relation to an explanation as to why I ended up resonating with detachment and solitude. Upon further contemplation I could infer multiple reasons, motives or causes for my affinity towards this state of death in life.

Under no circumstances is such a way of life sustainable under long term application as it goes against the very nature of humans, the requirement to socialize. Throwing blame at myself or others for being the root cause of my behavior is a moot point since it brings no aid to my cause. Along the way I probably made decisions based on circumstance and comfort, attempting to create for myself an environment suited to my existence of those times. Caught between the slow burning compulsion to blend with the world around me and the awkward feeling that I was trying to mix oil and water I slowly began noticing a balance, coming to understand the dynamic between myself and those with whom I interacted. Conclusions such as the wrong crowd or group, incongruent mindsets, incompatible temperaments could all be drawn and considered the beginning and the end to my story in that world. Being around people slowly began to be an element of necessity in order for me to exact my will and enact my existence onto the world but outside of these requirements, human contact was under no circumstance sought or demanded and instead tolerated.

Now and then I can say that I am and was guilty of desiring validation from those around which I had built my existence and now I can say with utmost certainty that I am and was a prisoner of my own desires. The guilt regarding everything that covers my interaction with the world I inhabited then belongs entirely to me. Principles, values and views passively offended those with whom I shared my company and soon enough I had become my own enemy, being mocked for what I was, an anomaly in the eyes of bystanders.

Naturally credulous I sabotaged myself numerous times through the act of believing I could trust my surroundings. I believe now I craved connection and even more so, validation from individuals I deemed superior, thus hunting for a word of acceptance. It is safe to say that the hunter became the hunted without much notice and after repeatedly suffering the consequences of my own nature I reached a conclusion. The nature of humans was beyond comprehension and attempting to engage in order to understand it and eventually coexist was a task much too abstruse for someone such as I. Never entirely apart but never fully engaged I came to the conclusion that an extreme choice needed to be made and through it I would make my first step towards discovering my true nature. Blindly looking among the living for a place for myself among others just to once again hunt for validation and acceptance was a task much too tedious and familiar, etching onto me the writing of experience from which only one choice remained, solitude. Through such a concept, I controlled everything and more than anything, I was completely free of the torment of seeking acceptance and validation from an outside source and thus by keeping my sight free of such concepts I also kept my mind free of thoughts related to such matters. Contact had been diminished to the point where it was done solely in required conditions, everything being filtered through the lens of my decisions and nothing else. This had become the solution to solving that which ailed me throughout my life and through which I had indeed found the path I would continue to walk on for the foreseeable future.

Having painted myself as a victim, I must confess my sins behind the scenes as I carry guilt upon my shoulders in regards to thoughts I experienced during those times. Among many sins I have come to enact, arrogance is possibly among the heaviest I carry. Quite few would recognize such concepts to have manifested in my behavior but those who have, brought it to my attention and I had no choice but to reluctantly agree. It is undeniable that even now I express with subtlety a demure tone of arrogance in regards to certain aspects of my life when compared to that of others. The root cause of such expression would have to be the heavily stratified concept of insecurity against which I could never muster enough confidence to bring balance to the equation. In an environment where violence was the law through which superiority was decided I found myself immensely disadvantaged as I was weak against such an approach, being fully aware of the consequences. My arrogance grew from a disproportionate perspective in regards to my surroundings, using it as the opposite of a positive example, taking the negative actions of those around me and attempting to execute the opposite, positive action instead. Resonance was achieved but unfortunately I had dug a deeper grave for my social life, turning myself into the anomaly whose shadow would give pursuit for the greater part of my school life. In short, I saw myself as a superior individual due to making the healthier, more ethical and sound decisions in reference to myself and my well-being. The presence of others had become a nuisance, having been rejected and mocked numerous times, I slowly discarded the desire to become a component of the system others would construct. I seemed to only be useful as a temporary replacement until someone else would display themselves through means of a more entertaining performance. In retrospect, their decision was sound as back then I was yet to be aware of the nature into which I would come to develop.

As time went by and my interactions grew more abrasive I soon took the decision to burn any and all bridges that led to other people, allowing only the briefest of interactions to be made. In order to survive that environment this seemed to be the most fitting decision I could have made in order for me to gain control of what was happening to me. Affected by the actions and intentions of those around me, I knew there was no other way other than self-inflicted seclusion and thus I made my first step towards becoming a lone wolf.

Through solitude and absence I filtered my environment so that I could endure it until its existence would come to an end and be changed by the passing times. Eventually, the suffering of every day had become nothing but a dried scar on the surface of my memory, somehow fresh but yet bloodless. Insecure, unstable and anxious I walked forward towards a future crafted from pure uncertainty, seeking to pave a path tailored from my dreams and hopes and thus I found a place where I would encounter the most dangerous and blissful existence I could fathom, love. Closed off from the world, I would walk among people as if hiding, a ghost acclimated to the concept of blending with the crowd, invisible and yet present. Everything would change when love would begin to allow the opening of my soul thus offering the opportunity to lower my guard and be fooled. It is safe to say that I caved because it gave me what I had always craved, validation and acceptance without any consequences and that hunger had been present for much too long for me to resist such an enticing opportunity so I bit the bait.

Slowly but with certainty I opened up and gave away an increasing amount of pieces of my heart until one day when I had given all I had, making me realize I had completely fallen in love with love. Never was this my intention as my true nature was overshadowed by a blind desire for flesh and heart and thus I had overwritten the initial programming in order to continue feeding on what I considered more meaningful than my nature. In spite of such actions, it never died and instead it fell into a state hibernation, awaiting the day when I would wake it from its slumber and once again allow it to roam free into the world. As the years went by I would eventually come to know that I was still blind to the entire truth of what love was as I committed more sins alongside it, inflicting tremendous suffering upon it and thus discovering that love was in fact brittle.

The instinct for survival grows stronger with age as one is compelled to manage resources in order for survival to become feasible and sustainable. Survival demands control over the impulses and discipline to maintain such control until the individual decides otherwise. This life is not meant for everyone as it pushes towards an extreme level of restraint for the pleasures of life and that for many means a life unlived. Such is the life I chose and with this decision I gradually invited tragedy into my life. When one focuses on survival instead of living he invites a life of solitude as I have discovered personally the weight of such consequences. Preserving resources and maintaining a satisfactory level of finances by sacrificing happiness seemed necessary in order to maintain love happy alongside myself. Eventually I would discover how detrimental my values and habits were because they would start to affect the connection between myself and love. I believed it would last eternally but unfortunately such fairy-tales have no place in the reality inhabited by you and I.

I had become a prison, shackles around the wrists, ankles and neck of love, impeding her from blooming, flourishing and brimming with life. In spite of my good intentions that supported my survival habits, it did not matter to love as obstructing the freedom it sought brought nothing but misfortune. Restraint was practiced but regardless, I could not abandon my nature and thus I became a reminder for the reason life couldn't be lived. Compromise led to frustration as I swallowed my own values for the sake of love and its happiness, thinking that what I was doing was selfless because I was sacrificing myself for the sake of something more.

Comfort in connection can be a double-edged sword as honesty and authenticity can bring demise even for a love thought to be forged for eternity. My honesty was a slow poison, acting like rust and corroding my connection with love until it was too late to recover anything. I opened the box of Pandora and allowed the ugliness inside my soul to roam free, believing that love would accept everything about me without a flinch but not a human alive will accept another wholeheartedly until death shall say its word. Sorrows, grief and reality would be weights much too heavy to carry for the rest of a lifetime and thus began the suffocation of a love once thought to be written in the stars. In the process I learned the consequences of honesty through expressing values, thoughts and ideas and how much they can affect the heart of another. I learned that my darkness cannot should be kept locked and hidden from anyone and none shall ever again suffer from knowing the truth. Eventually, this world would be demolished by the hands of love alongside myself as I reluctantly obeyed the wishes of bringing an end to a life.

Years after the fact I live with the truth of those days, from the beginning of days, as everything I have gone through managed to reinforce the concept of my nature, an existence meant for solitude. I live by law of survival, listening and abiding the rules I have set, free from the constraint of confusion and misunderstanding. Through defiance I pave a new path, one engulfed in perplexity and uncertainty, haunted by thoughts that incessantly utter accusations of betrayal towards life and its purpose. Every day I survive a life in death and none shall suffer alongside me for this fate is of my own making for I have learned what I am and I know to not allow myself to love another soul ever again.

By:PocketPoet

#writing #ideas #prose #thoughts

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ru5t · 4 months ago

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The Important Questions

The Important Questions & Answers That May or May Not Elaborate

Is she comfortable teasing them? Does she expect them to understand it's teasing? would she explain it if they asked?

Not… the way I was imagining when I posed this question to myself. So we can go with “no”. Which sort of makes the follow-up questions moot but you know I don’t think Tech expects Mazie to understand anything about what she does and says at this current juncture.

Would she build something for them unprompted? Would she build something if they asked?

She already has / it would depend on what the thing was and how it got asked. Why it got asked.

If they pushed her about her boundaries would she push back? or retreat?

This has proven… variable but tending toward retreat. There are … things happening that she didn’t expect (that I didn’t expect) cropping up into their interactions that make answering this complicated.

Would she be able to sleep if they were the only two people in the room?

Right now, no.

When they have tech problems does she just fix them or wait for them to ask? (or make them plead/bargain something?)

Well that depends. Did she try turning it off and back on again?

Are riddle games on the table? How many layers deep? What happens if they can't figure out the answer(s)?

Yes but like the teasing, not the way I was thinking when I posed this question to myself. The layers are so many. She does not currently expect correct solutions.

When she gets overwhelmed with touch, does she try to tell them gently or go straight for the harsher warnings/demands?

Skipping straight for the loud stuff, so far. I’m not sure it’s a conscious choice right now.

Does she think Jack trusts them?

Unclear. This is very vexing.

(Does she think Kobra trusts them?)

Lol. Lmao even.

Can they call her a nickname that isn't Tech/Techie (or Maddy)? Can they call her Madelyn?

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII don’t currently know of any objections to nicknames but I don’t know that there’s been a lot of exploration in this arena. Not opposed so far? Mazie most certainly would Not be welcome to use Maddy or Madelyn though and Jack needs to shut his stupid face and stop saying it where people can hear him.

Would she seek them out as someone to keep company with in order to sleep?

No.

If they got in a fight about something and hadn't yet made up, would she still reach out to them for help if she needed it?

No.

Is she bolder/more confrontational when they're nearby to back her up?

Not to do this a third time in a row but. No.

Does she believe their word when she's panicked or having a flashback (etc.)? Does she trust them to ground her with touch?

Well you know so far Mazie’s low key been the one (unintentionally) causing them whenever they’ve happened with her nearby and otherwise I think Tech would probably be attempting to conceal them, so. Ideally she either wouldn't notice them or at least wouldn't be pointing directly at them. Absolutely no touching.

Are they allowed to apologize to her directly?

What if we just avoid this being a possibility. Like idk what if we simply did not have situations to be apologizing about, at this juncture. Crazy idea let's just not find out, right now.

Would she drink alcohol with them?

In a group setting, maybe.

Could she leave Glitch with them?

Nope. He'd eat her color pencils anyway.

#lcfthaunted

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harringtonstilinski · 1 year ago

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imma be completely honest with you guys.

i haven't been in the best shape, mentally. i've been super stressed out as hell, haven't had the motivation to write or edit AT ALL. i've barely had the motivation to get up out of bed (but i have to 'cause my oldest is about to end first grade, lol).

i've been trying my best to work on myself (oral care, skin care, personal hygiene. bitch, the works, lol)

come the afternoon (or evening) of may 24th, i should have a little bit more time to write and edit. the editing hasn't stopped; i will post the next chapter tomorrow (mon, may 13). i just haven't had the motivation to get it drafted, minus the actual story part.

the motivation is also going away with series just a TAD because of the little to no interaction i've been getting for it.

just like with yabmh, i'm trying to keep the story consistent. while editing, i'm legit going back into the posted chapters to see if there's anything i missed while writing it. for example; when steve and olivia have sex at the end of season three. when she says "i want you again," please know that something happened between them two before season one, before they "broke up."

i have bonus scenes that i would like to write; the conversation between hop and liv in season two, but it seems like no one wants to see it.

i see all my moots on main getting reblogs and requests for bonus scenes, but it seems like for me, no one wants it.

yes, i am complaining a little bit here, and i feel like that's okay for me to do because my work isn't getting recognized like everyone else's is. especially with my original characters.

it just sucks because i spend well over a year writing yabmh, only for the notes to be nonexistent. same with atb. i spent months writing it, only for the notes to be nonexistent.

i understand that stranger things content isn't in demand with the new season being filmed at the moment, and i understand that with teen wolf being over (aside from the movie, which i would love to write that into the yabmh universe but again no one has asked for it so why bother) the content is not in demand.

this is also why i haven't been doing well mentally...

i guess that's it??

happy mother's day to me..

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melit0n · 1 year ago

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Question 11. 38. 72. 100.

Oooo good ones anon!

11. Do you like who you are around people?

Already answered this one, but no, not really. I'm not confident and I've spent my years convincing myself I'm unlikeable, so, I picked up the habit of making myself into someone new to fit someone else's view. I've still only ended up with three friends, so I'm not really successful there.

I'm much more honest with people and myself online because I know I'm interacting with people who are like me, just without the physical confrontation. Hence why I pay as much attention as I possibly can to all my moots <3

38. What's your favourite move?

Again, I already answered this one, but out of movies I watched recently, it would have to be between Stand By Me, The Fantastic Mr Ripley and Red Eye.

72. What stresses you out more than anything else?

Time. It slips through my fingers like silk and I'm constantly grasping at the threads. I have to keep a strict routine otherwise all my hours are gone and all I've done is rotted in bed.

That and trains. Hate having to remember all the stations and stops I have to get off at.

101. Are you okay?

With full honesty? No, not really. Physically I feel like a bad dog that needs to be put down. I go to school and I get a repeat of 'this isn't good enough' and 'you should go home if you're not going to pay any attention'. Then, I go home, try to organise things with my friends, only to be told no, see photos of them hanging out together, and realise I'm always a second choice. Mentally, I'm just very, very tired.

But, so far I've survived the first two (almost three!) months of 2024, which is way further than I told myself in 2020 that I would get, so I think I'm getting somewhere!

#got a bit personal here but I'm quite prone to oversharing #hope these make sense!#thanks for the ask anon! appreciate it #anon asks #mel's asks #ask game

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yeeunjia · 3 years ago

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either semi-hiatus or a farewell letter.

:: back to navigation.

hello, dearests! im sure that some noticed how i’ve been a bit inactive here :( i haven’t been posting much either and i think that i should take a break for now.

the main reason for this is also because my classes are starting soon. i do plan on only focusing on my studies for now- nothing more, nothing less. i’ve been losing so much motivation as well and i wouldn’t wait to force myself to write if im not at my very best since i also want others to truly enjoy my works :(( i know that wouldn’t be able to happen in this current state of mine.

i am not the type of person to leave without a proper goodbye, which is why im doing this just in case. i lose interest in things pretty easily and im also afraid i may lose interest in being a writer here. i did say that i’d try to be here for years though, but who knows? i want to thank everyone for the support and love you’ve given me here. i never expected to meet such amazing people with beautiful talents. and to my sweetest moots and anons, seriously, thank you. every single one of you made me smile so much.

again, i am not sure if what would happen in the end. i may still keep posting for my series once or twice a week or i may delete the app. lastly, i just wanted to say that i genuinely love and care for you all so so much. please take care of yourselves and thank you, really. i hope we’re all able to interact with each other again <3 !!

moots! @bambisgirl @seungstarss @luveuly @lunarxsun @lovelychann @deeznutsriki @butterflyy-ningg @enhacolor @bearseulgs @leiluvs @rikiirii @koishua

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forsakenmis · 4 years ago

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Calming her down

Title: Calming her down Pairing: top!Wanda Maximoff x female!reader Rating: 18+ Incredibly NSFW Warnings: Dark Wanda, kind of non-con, strap on, fingering, mummy kink, post-WV finale so spoilers if you haven’t seen it. also i haven’t editted it so beware grammar and spelling mistakes. Word count: 4215 words

It had taken far too long to track her down. Why they asked you to do it, you weren’t really sure. It’s not as if you and Wanda ever really talked, or even made eye contact, during the years as an avenger. Yet you were given the task of pulling her back onto the rails, rails she’s apparently veered pretty badly. You really think Doctor Strange, the Gandalf of wizards, would be a lot better at handling her than you would be. Or even Clint, the guy who was her mentor. But no-no one wanted to reach out to her, even though they spent years arguing that she needed to be supervised. You could go on for days how you being the person being sent is the most ridiculous idea they could have had.

You weren’t even a super, or an avenger, you started off as a shield agent who was then thrown into Stark Industries as Tony’s intern. Fury wanted an in and you were that in. Then everything went bottoms up and you became a slightly more valuable member of the group. Support, really.

After the snap, you just wanted a stable life. A normal life. By the time they contacted you to do this, you’d applied to a college. No, a university. In Australia, which was far, far away from New York. The briefing was simple. Wanda, left to her own devices in her time of need, went to try to handle her own grief after stealing Vision’s body from S.W.O.R.D. You were being asked to go try to talk some sense into her. Then, within the week of you repeatedly saying no, it turned out the head of S.W.O.R.D. was a bastard which you could have seen coming from a mile away, and Wanda was god knows where.

They promised you they’d leave you alone after this.

So you said yes.

What could go wrong?

You were still asking herself that three weeks later when you were sitting there still trying to find out where exactly she went. Wanda wasn’t going to be easy to find, especially considering she didn’t want to be found but you did it. It was four in the morning when you finally narrowed down a list of ten possible locations that she could be in. You were too tired to even crack a smile, you fell back onto your bed to sleep.

Your celebration was sleep for by the next morning, you were trekking across the world and came to the outskirts of a property with the view of the mountains. Pretty, sure, but you didn’t think Wanda was here for the view.

It was eerily quiet when you walked up to the door. That type of quiet they put into horror movies before they pulled out a jump scare. You didn’t trust it. Then again-not that there was anything around to make noise. Wanda could be asleep, as maybe all this isolation has meant she’s forsaken a body clock.

Still-you trusted it as much as you could lift Mjollnir and you couldn’t even make it shift.

The curtains were closed, you couldn’t see anything as you walked up the two steps and you had to stop your hand from hovering over your handgun. It would have been more of a self assurance. You couldn’t dream of winning against Wanda in a fight, both of you would be aware of that, but you couldn’t exactly imagine she’d be that trusting of you if you walked in holding a gun. So you fiddled with the watch around your wrist, it was a gift from Tony years ago.

You could have brought reinforcement, sure, but that seemed like a moot point considering you were trying to gain her trust, somewhat. The reinforcement would have been S.W.O-oh whatever, sword, you don’t have the time for formality. And sword made such a huge mess of it the first time round so you didn’t think they were going to help this time round. You tried calling Clint, but he was busy, apparently. Too busy to pick up your calls.

This was definitely a suicide mission.

You knocked three times with the back of your knuckles and listened, trying to hear any hint of movement.

Nothing.

You knocked again. Knock. Knock. Knock. Not even a creak.

Maybe she was asleep or maybe, dare you say it, had gotten it wrong. God, you’d hate for some old man to swing the door open.

Your hand dropped to the handle, going to test the lock, but then it swung open and if it wasn’t for your own instincts, you would have stumbled forward.

Wanda.

Your eyes slammed onto her face and, for the first time in years, you fumbled. She looked different, way too different for your liking, she looked older since Tony’s funeral. Mature. More confident in herself. You could think of a different million ways to describe her in that split second.

She’d always been pretty before but this Wanda was…gorgeous. This Wanda could also read minds.

You cut your thoughts short and took in a slight breath. Wanda wasn’t saying anything and her only acknowledgement was the slight hook of her brow.

“Wanda,” you began before forcing a smile onto yourself, “long time no see.”

“So they sent you, of all people,” Wanda remarked and you made a face. Sure-she was right but that was, quite frankly, rude.

“They suggested I come and I wanted to come,” you lied, “to see how you were doing...okay, look, I know we never talked. Or interacted. I know that. I was probably not the most open to you as I could have been.” Wanda was continuing to stare at you. She was dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt. A shirt that arguably was one size too small for her. You weren’t really sure what to say, if you were honest, you’d spent so much time trying to find her, tracking her down like a puzzle, that you forgot to plan for this interaction.

“But I like to think we were on good terms,” you continued. Worst thing she could do was close the door in your face and you were more than happy to camp outside. “Enough that you’ll hear me out. I heard about your book, the darkhold–” That’s when you got a reaction out of her. Her eyes narrowed, growing even colder, and you could see her grip tightening on the door. “–we need to talk. Please-just let me in. I’m not going to fight you. We both know I can’t do that.”

You were keeping your thoughts clear. You didn’t want her reading you.

After a second, Wanda swung the door open wider and let you in.

Your eyes scanned the room the moment you entered the threshold, looking for all the exits, before you turned back to Wanda. Wanda, who had closed the door, and had started walking towards you, close enough that you took a step back but found yourself hitting the back of a table.

Now that she was right up in your personal space, close enough that you could smell the soap she was using. Your heart was beating now.

“So you came for the book?” She asked, staring down at you. She was only a couple of inches taller than you but it may as well have been more.

“No, I came here to help you. And I know that book isn’t helping you, no matter how much you think it is. Wanda, that book is dangerous,” you said, gaining enough courage that you pushed yourself off the table to step forward, getting into Wanda’s space just as she was in yours.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Wanda remarked but she didn’t move. “You’re as bullheaded as you used to be, never knowing when a fight was too big for you. I remember all those times Nat and Steve had to throw themselves on the line because you’d done something reckless.” “That’s rich coming from you.” “I could protect myself,” Wanda snapped back. “So where are they? The rest of them. The people that said they were my family. Were you all that they had?”

You clenched your teeth. Don’t say the truth. “They wanted a woman’s touch with it,” you lied. “There isn’t that many of us who were close to you back then anymore.”

It was really only Nat and maybe Pepper who were close to Wanda. Both were a little preoccupied as of right now (for different reasons) to come knocking on Wanda’s door.

“A woman’s touch?” Wanda echoed, saying it in a way that made you clench your teeth. It was a raspy whisper. “And what, may I ask, would that entail?”

With the way she said it, you were pretty sure that Wanda wasn’t meaning it in the same way you were. Albeit, your meaning was rather off as well. In that you had no idea what that would entail either.

Wanda must have realised this and took a step back. “I suggest you leave,” she said and you hesitated before shaking your head.

“I won’t do that,” you said and she frowned. “They asked me to calm you down–”

“Calm me down?” She repeated, pronouncing each syllable, and it was as if the temperature dropped ten degrees. “Calm me down.” Then she smirked and it made you roll back on your heels.

“As long as you have that book, yes,” you said, “how about this–I take the book and then I go. You’ll think more rational without it, Maximoff, you know that. Deep down. You’re smart, Wanda, smarter than anyone ever gave you credit for. Besides Vision–”

“Don’t say his name,” Wanda snarled and suddenly she was in front of you again, hand around your throat, “do you understand me? He doesn’t exist here, not with you around.”

You didn’t really know what she meant but you ran with it and nodded. Her hand was tight and your airway was becoming a little too blocked for your liking.

She stared down at you, her eyes hard and cold, but then they softened and her grip loosened but they still didn’t leave your skin.

“You know, I might have pursued you back then, if it wasn’t for him,” Wanda began and you blinked. What? “You were everything I liked in a girl. Besides your recklessness….and stubbornness...but I think I can deal with that pretty easily.”

“Wanda, I’m flattered, really, but how about we focus,” you said, carefully, deciding to take that with a grain of salt and then over analyse it at three in the morning. Like how could you be cock blocked by a bloody robot? “Just give me the book and I’ll leave you in peace. I’ll make sure no one comes looking for you–” “You can’t promise me that,” Wanda remarked before she dropped her hand to take a step back. Then she looked you up and down. “You said they wanted you to calm me down, right? How about I keep both you and the book.”

You would like to say you were able to fight back. Prevent Wanda from knocking you out. But you were gone by the time she finished her sentence.

----

When light streamed into your eyes, the first thing you registered was the soft pillow underneath your head. Then you felt the rest of the bed and your eyes sprung open.

Your legs were bent up and out, Wanda’s red mist wrapped around your ankles and knees to keep them up. Meanwhile, your wrists were stuck to the headboard. Then your eyes rested on….Wanda?

Transparent Wanda reading that bloody book. You swear to god-you’ll burn that book the moment you get your hands–

“You’ll do no such thing,” Wanda’s voice cut through your apparently rather loud thoughts. You turned your head, trying to find her, and there she was in the doorway, sipping a cup of tea, watching you. Then she kicked off it and moved into the room and slid the mug onto a table before coming to the bed. “Maybe I’ll let you hold it one day as I read it.”

“I don’t...I don’t understand, Wanda, let me go,” you whispered as you began to struggle, pulling on the restraints again and again, but they weren’t budging. Neither was Wanda.

“I don’t think I want to,” Wanda hummed as she pushed herself onto the bed, “you see, I lost everything. My brother, Vision, Nat, Steve, my two boys, then Vision again. I lose every single family I ever have. Maybe this time I’ll succeed. I’m trying to find them, you see, with the book. Find them and pull them out. We can live here, happy, away from everyone.”

“We’ve done this story before Wanda, it didn’t–” “This time will be different, I’ll be more powerful, I won’t mess up this time,” Wanda pressed as her hands went to your inner thighs, moving them up and down your clothed skin. “And, when it comes to you, what they don’t know won’t hurt them. I don’t think I’ll let them see you. No, you can be my little secret. I stared at you for too many years, let you whore yourself out to other people. Not anymore.”

You drew your brows together. This couldn’t be happening.

“As you said, you’re meant to calm me down, right? Meant to pull me off some edge because everyone else was just too busy,” Wanda said as she positioned herself between your legs, bending down to kiss your jawline. You throbbed and pulled on the red strands wrapped around your wrist, but to no avail. “But I can think of another edge you can get close to,” she whispered as she pulled away again.

“Wanda, what are you–”

Her fingers slid in between your thighs, pressing into your heat, and a sharp gasp left your mouth. She began to rub through your jeans, cupping your heat, and you tugged again. This time, the red scratched the watch around your wrist and suddenly your clothes had snapped into the red armour Tony had built you years ago. Protective armour that replaced whatever you were wearing in a nick of time.

Useful.

The shift was enough to push Wanda off you and she stared down at the red and black armour with a slight tilt of her head.

“Well, that won’t do, will it?” She asked as her hands trailed down the cool metal. “Neat trick. Tony’s design, right?”

“Of course,” you responded after a moment, your chest rising up and down. There was no point in denying it-it was obviously Tony’s. Right down to the colours.

Wanda’s eyes turned red as the red mist circled around her hand as she lowered it back down. You flinched when you felt it slink in between the small crevices. The suit was meant to be protected against outside substances, able to go into water, but you supposed Tony didn’t exactly build it against Wanda.

“Wanda, you don’t–” “If you don’t be quiet, I’ll make you, do you understand me?” She hissed as she bucked her hand backwards and the suit around your hips ripped off you and tossed across the room. You whined as the cold air hit your bare skin, contrasting the building heat in between your legs.

You were left with nothing but the top half and the pants that wrapped around your thigh. “Much better.”

With that, she went back to what she was doing before but this time there was nothing to prevent her from slipping her fingers through your slick folds, the tips of her nails teasing your entrance.

“Look at you, already so wet,” she cooed and you gritted your teeth. This really couldn’t be happening. This was a dream. She could control reality, this was just a dream. “This isn’t me in your head, sweetheart, trust me–I would have cut the foreplay if I was creating this.”

She continued to massage your heat and it took you everything you had not to moan.

“Why are you…” you tried saying but you were cut short, once again, when her fingers found your hooded clit, using the tips of her nails to start playing with it. You bucked your hips instinctively and she chuckled.

“You said you wanted to help me, right?” Wanda asked and the building heat was beginning to become a little too much. “So how about this, sweetheart, you help mummy out by becoming mummy’s little stress reliever.”

Two fingers suddenly plunged into your entrance and your back arched. At least your clit got a little bit of a break but it wasn’t long until her palm began to grind against it as she thrusted the fingers into your tight entrance. Each thrust expanded your walls, letting her in even deeper, your own arousal making her movements slick and quick.

“Wand-” you began to moan but it morphed into a sharp yelp when she pulled her fingers out to slap your cunt.

“You’re a smart girl, sweetheart, it’s how you got around Tony for so long. I think you know exactly what you want to be calling me,” she said and suddenly she was back down so that her face was only inches away from yours and her fingers slid back inside of you.

Unlike last time, though, it wasn’t rough and sharp. Her fingers were slow as they moved inside of you, curling at the tips, scratching your walls. Exploring. She was exploring you and you could do nothing but whimper and moan.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? I know you would. Look at you, already so wet and submissive for me,” she whispered, scattering kisses down your jawline as she reached your ear to nibble on your earlobe. “I’ll keep you in here for as long as I need you. Ride your pretty little mouth as I read that book, fill you up again and again until you’re passing out. All you have to do is be a good little girl.”

Heat was curling through your body, that buzzing sort of heat, that made your vision blur. Your teeth were clamped together. You wanted to moan, they were in your throat, but even when you opened your mouth, no sound came out. Just silent moans. The fingers moving inside of you had grabbed all your attention.

Then she scratched that little sweet spot and it was that that pushed out a moan that bounced around the room. Wanda laughed, hitting it again and again.

“Let your mummy hear your moans, sweetheart,” she said before she pulled back to kiss you on the mouth, biting hard on your lip so you wouldn’t even try to close your mouth and stop the tongue that slid into your mouth.

Your stomach was twisting into knots at this point and seemed like every other muscle seemed to be cramping. You were close to climax. Your walls clenched around Wanda’s fingers. Just a little bit–

You groaned when she peeled herself off you. You blinked up at her, looking through what seemed like tears, as you were denied that relief. Relief from the throbbing coming from your cunt.

“You want to cum, baby?” Wanda asked as she pulled off her shirt. Underneath was a simple black bra that was quickly disposed of. Your eyes, naturally, landed on her chest. A chest that, even under the circumstances, made you drool. Wanda’s clicking your fingers drew your eyes back up. “Eyes on mummy, sweetheart. God, you really are a little whore, aren’t you? Tell me-do you want to cum?” You pulled on your restraints just once more but all it seemed to do was to make it even tighter.

You nodded, jerkily.

“Use your words, sweetheart, I very clearly established you’re not mute,” Wanda remarked as her fingers went down to her jeans, fiddling with her button.

“Yes. Please, I want to,” you mumbled, knowing you won’t be coming back from this point. Then again-if she could make you feel like that again...maybe that wasn’t so bad.

Wanda tilted her head as she hummed, not having to move much to slap your sore cunt again and you jerked. “Say it politely and maybe I’ll consider it.” You scrunch your eyes shut and mewled when she began to knead your pulsating clit again. “M-mummy, please,” you whispered and her hands left your cunt. Before you could even open your eyes, you felt her lips on yours. Soft, gentle...loving.

“Good girl...that wasn’t so hard, was it?” She asked and you could hear the ruffling of her pants as she kicked them off. “Now...mummy’s going into your head, okay? I promise it won’t be long.” You began to struggle again but the warmth of her powers quickly washed over you. Your memories began playing the past three months. You tracking her down. Refusing back up.

Then she was out again.

“You really told no one where you were going? Almost as if you wanted this to happen,” She said as she shifted on top of you. Shifted that you felt something rub up against your entrance and you flinched. She...she was packing. “Of course I am, sweetheart, do you really think I wasn’t prepared for you? I knew you were coming from a mile away, honey.”

And with that, she pushed the strap inside of you, not bothering to wait for you to adjust until she was completely inside of you. You arched your back again, pressing into Wanda’s naked body, as the pain of being ripped open rushed through your body. You moaned and grunted as you grew adjusted to the width and length of Wanda.

“Come on, baby, you can do it,” Wanda murmured into your lips and suddenly your wrists were freed. But then her own hands came up to wrap around them to press them against the pillows herself. “I know you’ve taken bigger. Do you think we didn’t know? Didn’t know you and Nat were fucking every other night?” The comment drew you out, just for a moment, and you shook your head but all she did was pull back slightly to slam inside of you again.

“Don’t lie to me,” Wanda snarled, “tell me, tell me the truth. Use your words.”

It took only a few more thrusts of her strap filling you up again and again that the words began to spill out of your lips. “S-she found out. About my status as a shield status. Fuck,” you hissed out, barely able to hear your own words over the lude noises of Wanda beginning to pound into you. This wasn’t fair-you couldn’t dream of talking when she was fucking you like this.

“So you whored yourself out to her to make sure she kept her mouth shut,” Wanda said, finishing the sentence and you nodded jerkily. “You little slut. I bet you liked it too, just like how you like me pounding into you. But you’re mine now. Not hers. Not Tony’s. Mine. My little whore.”

She shifted upwards so that her chest was dangling above your face. “Suck your mommy's tit, baby, I saw you admire them before.”

It was a welcome change, you had to admit, to trying to formulate sentences and words around the moans and screams spilling out of your mouth. Your head leaned forward, closing the distance, so your mouth could wrap around her erect nipple and your walls clenched around her strap as you heard her moan.

Her hand moved to the top of your head, her nails scraping against your scalp as she interwove her fingers through your messy hair. Your tongue lapped at the small bud between your teeth and she began to move her hips in time with your tongue.

Your now free hand wrapped around her body so your nails were digging into her shoulder, drawing Wanda down even closer so you could take more of her tit into her mouth.

The same heat that had built before was coming back, and you weren’t sure how long you could hold on at this point.

“You can cum whenever you want, baby, just this once,” Wanda purred, hearing your thoughts, and it was all you needed, that confirmation, to come undone. Your walls clenched around the strap and you could feel Wanda slowing down as thrusting became just a tad more difficult and you screamed into her tits, careful not to clamp your jaw shut, as the orgasm rushed through you.

Even through it, she continued moving inside of you, and you almost felt like you could pass out.

“Good girl,” Wanda whispered. “Oh, I could get used to this. I’m going to keep you in here, do you hear me? Make you a good little whore for me to come home to.” They did say your mission was to help Wanda calm down.

#wanda x reader #smut #wanda maximoff smut #dark!wanda maximoff #top!wanda #dark wanda maximoff x reader #misfitwrites #wanda maximoff x you

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fandomlovingfreak · 4 years ago

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Glacial Passion (6/?)

Regulus Black/Reader

Rating: SFW, T+, NO LEMON

Trigger Warning: Arranged Marriage

Word Count: 1991

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link

Summary: Glacial, cold, icy… all words that described Regulus Black’s grey eyes. Was there truly no emotion behind those eyes, or did a caring man exist beneath? Could she defrost those glacial eyes?

Disclaimer: Regulus Black (Walburga Black, Orion Black, and Sirius Black) is a character from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling. Reader or y/n is not owned by Rowling. This work has not been created for profit or financial compensation, and is a transformative fair use work in accordance with Section 107 of the United States Copyright Act.

Notes: No real notes today! I hope you enjoy. This story took a “lighter tone” than I expected (at least I hadn’t expected it to, maybe you did ! aha!) but I actually like writing happier stories so I guess my brain just went “cowabummer bro, you’re writing some happy fiction even if you didn’t want to”

Enjoy

***

"Where are we going?" (y/n) asks.

Regulus felt a bit relieved that (y/n) agreed to come along on his little surprise trip. After last night, which he now realized was a complete mistake, he wasn't sure that his wife would willingly agree to go out in public with him. Especially if he promised some sort of surprise.

She hadn't asked him any questions until they were walking outside, her arm tucked nicely within his. Like it was meant to be there.

"If I told you, it would ruin the surprise." Regulus glances over at his wife. She's got a deep frown on her face. It doesn't exactly mar her beautiful face, but it reminds him a bit too much of his mother's annoyed expression. "Just trust me."

Her little huff of annoyance he decides is enough of a response.

Regulus tries to think of Sirius's advice. Get to know (y/n), even the small things he personally thought were unnecessary to know about a person-- moot things about her. And in turn, be vulnerable enough to share small things back.

"So-- uh, (y/n)."

"Yes?" she looks at him with confusion in her eyes.

"I thought we ought to try and start fresh."

"Fresh?"

"I don't know how else to move from here if we don't have a clean slate."

"I hardly think that would work."

Merlin-- "(y/n)," he stops, halting her as well, "I said I would try to give you what you want. If you shut me down, there's no chance I can."

She gives him a look, "Regulus--"

"Listen," he inhales, collecting himself, "I'm not good at this. You'll have to be patient with me, but I'm willing to figure this out. And I probably won't--" He pauses, "I probably will mess up, a lot. But, please. Give me a chance."

(y/n) studies his face, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I understand that I'm asking you to step outside of your comfort zone, and I appreciate that you're being open with me."

Regulus smiles, muttering, "Sirius was right." Under his breath.

"What?" (y/n) asks.

"Nothing." Regulus takes her hand in his, "this can be like our first date."

(y/n) smiles, amused, "this is silly--"

"I was serious last night that I will try."

"No pretending. You swear you will not pretend with me?"

"That's why I am asking that we start fresh. Give me a chance. I'm not good at this-- relationships. I need time and patience."

She seems to contemplate his words, "Okay. But--"

"Yes?"

(y/n) looks down at her feet for a moment before looking at him again, "If we're going to-- start over, it needs to be slower."

"Slower?" He frowns. What the devil is she talking about, slower?

"I mean," (y/n) purses her lips, "I mean that it has to feel like we're actually starting a new relationship."

Regulus chuckles, "you want me to court you?"

(y/n) smiles, "if those are the words you think describes what we are trying to do, then yes. I think I would like you to court me."

Now he feels silly making the suggestion because he has no idea what courting entails. He can barely flirt!

"I mean-- I can try."

(y/n) grins. He's at a loss for words. Not once in the time he's known her-- been married to her, has he seen her look this happy. Clearly, Sirius's advice was half-decent. For the first time since (y/n) walked down the aisle towards him, he felt something. Hopefully, the beginning of something great between them.

***

"You brought me to— the Eiffel tower?" (Y/n) looks up towards the cloudy sky.

Regulus flushes, "It's not just the Eiffel Tower."

(Y/n) laughs, "it looks like it's just the Eiffel Tower—"

"Just—"Regulus lets out a frustrated sound, "it's more than that." He pulls her towards one of the legs of the metal tower. He supposes that enough muggles are wandering around that they wouldn't notice the disappearance of the young couple. He pulls his wand out of thin air, tapping where the witch at the hotel told him to. The metal of the tower seems to melt and twist, magically revealing an entrance.

"What—"(y/n) grips his hand tighter, "I had no idea."

"Neither did I. It's called Caché à la Vue," Regulus grins, "c'mon, Mrs. Black."

They walk through the entrance, the metal contorting back into shape behind them.

In front of them, a bustling street moves around them. Wizards and Witches bustle around carrying cauldrons, brooms, and colorful bags holding other wizarding tools. A group of young girls rushes by, giggling in their blue Beauxbaton school uniforms.

"Oh— it feels like Diagon Alley," (y/n) comments as she steps closer to him, her shoulder bumping his arm as she squeezes his hand.

Regulus nods, keeping her close as they walk further into the crowd.

"I didn't expect it to be like this," he glances at (y/n). She's looking around with interest at the many shops and people.

"Let's go in here," she's pulling him towards a shop that smells of lavender and sage. The shop is small but comforting with its earthy color scheme and almost luminescent glow.

"Oh wow," (y/n) detaches herself from him for the first time since crossing into Caché à la Vue. Regulus watches her poke around the shop, always keeping a two-foot distance from her.

(y/n) seems to notice the hovering, "Why are you-- being so weird?" She's got an amused smile on her face. Regulus tries to relax, stepping a foot closer.

"I'm just giving you space."

"Don't you want to look too?" (y/n) beckons him closer, reaching for his hand. He obliges his wife, letting her point out small trinkets and items.

***

The busy street of Caché à la Vue frames Regulus as I sit across from him. Once we had explored nearly every shop on the busy street, Regulus had tugged me towards one of the little Bistros, mumbling about it being a recommendation or something of that sort. I didn't fight his insistence to stop and eat. I hadn't had much for breakfast or lunch back at the hotel.

The afternoon hadn't been awful. In fact, I was enjoying myself more than I expected. It only partly-- honestly, completely, had to do with the sudden changes in how Regulus and I interacted. He suddenly was more sociable and curious about who I was. Which was sort of confusing, but at this moment, I felt more confident in our marriage. That maybe we did have a chance to fall in love, or even just co-exist happily together. If co-existing was all that could come from this, then I wished it to be at least a peaceful union.

Yet, I want to know him as much as he seems to suddenly want to know me, so I ask questions about his childhood and his life. At first, he seems reserved to answer some of my inquiries, making me more curious about the information he is holding back from me.

"So--" I set down my teacup, "how was it like growing up in Grimmauld Place?"

This seems to be another question he hesitates over as he stares down at his plate for a full thirty seconds, making me nervous.

"Do you want the truth?"

I stiffen. The tone of his voice has me wondering if it was a good question to ask after all, "I would if you don't mind answering."

Regulus takes another moment to collect his thoughts, "I don't really remember much before going to school. My parents are-- you can probably tell they are not the friendliest of people." The understatement of the century. "They weren't good parents, if I'm being honest."

"What do you mean?" I suddenly feel uncomfortable as I continue down this path.

"(y/n), maybe this isn't a conversation for public." Merlin, that only makes me want to press for more information, but the look on his face tells me all I need to know at this moment. He will tell me the truth, but if he's more comfortable doing so behind closed doors, who am I to push him for an answer right now?

"Is it that bad?" I do feel a bit sick over how he's reacting to this question.

He looks down at his hands before looking back at me. His eyes are back to the icy grey I know so well. "It's not great." I have to look away from his eyes. "Do you know I have an older brother?"

"But--" Regulus is the Heir? How could he have--?

"Sirius was disowned when he was sixteen, effectively passing the burden of the House of Black to me."

"Do you still-- are you still in contact with him--Sirius?"

"I am, but privately. Walburga wouldn't approve. She likes to think that Sirius never existed in the first place."

"That's horrible!" I couldn't imagine pretending one's child never existed-- "what did Sirius do?"

"He ran away after refusing-- well refusing to do what we have done, I suppose." I stare at Regulus, shocked.

"I mean, he didn't-- doesn't believe in the Pureblood idealogy."

I pause, reflecting for a moment on his words. Is he saying Sirius ran away when his parents tried to make a match between himself and some Pureblood girl?

"Are you saying he ran away from an arranged marriage?" Regulus nods.

Merlin's-- He was only sixteen? "Your parents, they really tried to-- he was so young--?"

Regulus nods, "Too young, I know." Not that I felt the ages we were are any more acceptable, but sixteen? He would've been in the middle of school! Just a kid!

"I can't blame him for running away--" I let the words slip without thinking, quickly feeling guilty for saying such a thing to the man I'm married to. The man I married for the same reason his brother left the exclusive circle we exist within. "No offense, of course--"

Instead of looking offended or getting angry, how I expect, Regulus laughs. A real genuine laugh.

"It's not that funny, Regulus!" The words had just slipped out of my mouth before my brain processed my rudeness.

"You are exactly like Sirius. It's freakish." He grins.

"What does that mean?" I'm hopeful he's complimenting me.

Regulus takes my hand in his over the table, "You just remind me of him. Both of you are unapologetically yourselves. I envy that."

I want to tell him I'm nothing like his brother. Sirius was able to leave the life we grew up in. I clearly didn't have the balls to leave. But, I don't want to say that, not when we're getting along so well right now.

"You can be unapologetically yourself, Regulus."

His smile is small as he looks down at our intertwined fingers, "I'm afraid I can't be. At least not publically."

"I can't exactly be publically myself either, especially now, but maybe in private, yeah? When it's just us."

He gently lifts my hand up to tenderly press a kiss to my knuckles. My breath hitches at the suddenness of his actions, and I feel suddenly warm. "When it's just us." His agreement, the tone of his voice when he agrees-- it's incredibly intimate.

Dumbly, I nod. Regulus smiles, kindness reaching his eyes and thawing out the ice they held earlier.

After a beat of silence, one I could not find words to fill, Regulus speaks. "Was there anything else you wanted to see?"

I find my voice, at last, saying I did not believe so.

***

I felt delirious with desire watching her squirm after my lips left her knuckles.

Something about (y/n) fascinated me and made me want her, all of her. I knew she felt the same way, even after the way our relationship started. I could tell by the way her lips parted and her breath hitched that she felt that spark between us.

That spark gave me some hope that everything was going to turn out just fine.

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garfieldsladybird · 3 years ago

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blog boundaries.

what I do with this blog is basically anything! I write when i write. I usually make commentaries; which contains me talking about a show, I would have a tag for the show too. the thing is with commentaries is I don’t necessarily explain the scene, I just write my thoughts about it, and I might put the episode of the show too. other than that I just talk to myself here and I try my best to keep up with friends.

🧸 this blog is a safe space for all my birds 🪺 i dont have an age setting, so all are welcome!! requests for blurbs are currently open, i’ll try my best with them. dms and asks are always open to talk!

Basic rules:

A) don’t sexualize me.

B) don’t be fucking rude. (the meme way but i mean it)

C) i’m a stoner, not a doctor. ask questions if you want!

D) i’m an idiot when high & spelling does not exist here bc of so. also i use a lot of cuss words.

I don't support racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, ableism, ageism, pro-lifers, r.pist supporters, abuse, etc of anything going with violence.

the 1st link is me stating what i support with the roe vs wade, i am pro-choice.

As for people: I do not support jkr, t*m f*lt*n, h*rry st*l*s, A*dr*w T*te, and elvis presley.

part 2 on H.S. — if you can’t open the Twitter link, heres this.

the last link is a YouTube vid that explains why he’s a disgusting human being.

that link on h.s name is a twitter link and a note to h.s stans; I don’t care if you follow, I may or may not follow. if your whole entire blog is about him then I won’t but if you don’t make a big deal out of him then sure. idc if you write about him either, I just won’t read it, and/or if you do like him, I won’t care. just please don’t try to make me a stan of him, i dont like him, he has great music yes but I do not support him.

I am a minor, 16 years old. if that makes you uncomfortable don’t follow, and please do not interact with me sexually. Because i am a minor, if you have a problem with minors discussing, reading and/or writing about nsfw topics; Don’t follow and do not bring hate to my blog and/or the writers that i follow.

if you would like to express your feelings and hatred go do it to someone who gives a fuck cuz it ain’t here. ╭∩╮(ಠ_ಠ)╭∩╮

i do not give permission for any of my work to be published anywhere without my consent and i only post here, so if you see my work somewhere else please inform me and report them.

like i said im ok with 18 and older ppl on my blog.

i'm fine with anyone that is 18 and older interacting with my blog/fics, nsfw & sfw, whatever you want to read but as long as you don't sexualize me.

i follow some 18 and older ppl that dont have an age restriction and im mutuals with some so im okay with 18 and older ppl following. BUT same going with my 18 and older mutuals, please do not sexualize me.

also dni if you are an 18 or 16 plus acc. ಠ_ಠ you should be following your own rules. (not if your moots)

another thing, i am a stoner. please understand that i am not a doctor but any question that is about weed, i always do research about it before putting it all together and posting it.

bc of that just know that there will be discussions about marijuana/cannabis/pot/weed whatever you wanna call it, and i also post my 4:20 timestamp sometimes daily. I also make fic’s about smoking, most of mine will be about weed.

you can always ask me questions about weed, I do not mind at all, I quite like it when I get asked bc then I have to learn about it too :) and i wont judge you if you don’t know what something is, you don’t have to smoke to be cool like im not even cool man. — the high algorithm. (<- questions of weed)

requests; if you do want to request something please make sure to look to see if is stated that my requests are open on my pinned post and if you’re still confused you can always ask me on anon (or not) before sending and please look at my guidelines and also fandoms + characters.

asks; my ask button is always open for everyone. you can always talk to me. just dont give me hate, it’s rude and tiring. but yes my ask button is there if you want to talk or ask questions about me :)) or request!! anon is on too; be nice :)

messaging; my dms/messages are open too. you can always talk to me. if you want to talk about anything, message me! advice, questions, just to talk/chat, help, or if you want to move from the ask button to messages, just message me! i dont mind, and also if it’s just something that needs to be spoken between you and me, just go ahead and message me.

now a note with that: if we’re not close and it’s not important, I would like to get to know you more before messaging so go with the ask button but if you’re uncomfortable with talking on there, we can go with messaging, and also if we’re not moots, don’t message. but if you really just wanna talk to someone, that’s a stranger, please know I will not judge and I’m always here for you, so do message me if you want to.

nicknames; you can call me garfield, ladybird, lady, lad, bird, birdy, garfy, and bug. if there’s a nickname that you would like to give me but you think it might make me uncomfortable just ask me but also those cuties nicknames (pet names) like bae, babe, girly, darling, lovely/love, Im okay with it! anything is fine. just call me yours ;)

my nicknames for you; im not really good with nicknames, I always call people & respond with bro, dude, man. i sometimes say darling, love, lovely. if I ever make you uncomfortable by calling you dude or bro, love or any other nickname please tell me.

dont trauma dump in the asks please.

&& don't ask to be mutuals.

— I think it’s unfair. and i most likely will just follow you if you reblog my fic’s a bunch ;) and if you also send a bunch of asks in then I most likely will follow and if you have a cool blog too. (you all do) <33

thank you very much.

BE A GOOD PERSON, BE KIND, AND GO TO THERAPY.

if needed. its most likely need if your here. 😀

#garfieldsladybird

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sumrot · 3 years ago

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I think the only thing worse than self loathing over your appearance is the immediate shame and guilt for even caring about it so much. Like oh not only am I ugly but I’m also vapid and superficial and spoiled because women are dying all over the world i don’t say this as a judgment because I know exactly how you feel. I have a big ass honker for a nose. And I didn’t really start thinking that until I started following Bella hadid on Instagram when she was 17, I must have been 16. She was just like popular hot la Instagram account popularity at the time and I shit you not I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I became OBSESSED. I scrolled through all of her photos and her friends and it didn’t take long before I realized she’d had a nose job.. so I became obsessed with nose jobs and the day I graduated high school and could go off at get one. I’m not in the yearbook for half of high school because I wouldn’t go to school on picture day because of how ugly I looked in photos. I fucking hated myself. When I was 18 I found a dr and was going to go through with it. My dad agreed to pay but asked me to go to one more consultation to be sure. I went to another and he told me any doctor who would operate on me was a bad dr. My profile isn’t bad but my nose is super wide with a long tip. Anyways he freaked me the fuck out. I was off my meds and stopped going to therapy and gained 25 pounds which made my AA boobs look even sadder and smaller. So overnight I decided getting a boob job would have to work. I’m 5”10 and like the rest of my body so I decided I would have to just settle for being a “butterface” it’s been 5 years and I fucking hate my ugly ass plastic tits. I have huge scars on my tits and they’re so obviously fake and uneven and my nipples which where so little and cute before are huge and scarred. I don’t tell anyone I’ve had them done because I’m so ashamed and embarrassed. And it’s seriously negatively affected my sex and dating life. I’ve convinced myself it doesn’t matter how cool or alternative I become, the second people find out I have fake tits everything else about me becomes moot point. Doesn’t matter I went to good college or am funny or charming. First thing that’ll come up about me is my fake boobs I know it. And I’m too embarrassed to get them taken out because then I’ll have to tell everyone including my best friends I’ve made in the past year that not only did I have them done but I’ve been keeping it a secret for 4 years????? Needless to say this whole time I’ve been torturing myself with how happy and how beautiful I would’ve been with a nose job. How I wouldn’t care if people knew I had had one. Screaming crying fits. The horror waking up the next day to these rock hard swollen fake plastic bags in my chest and the indescribable pain of having had my muscles torn up to put them in. I don’t know why I’m saying all of this. I just felt compelled to share. You aren’t alone. I’m catastrophizing my plastic surgery baggage while people are being shot for not wearing a hijab. It is superficial and it sucks. But it still has caused me an insane amount of distress and anxiety and altered my interactions with the world &the people around me. I wish so badly I deleted my Instagram earlier, had better parents and people in my life to make sure I wasn’t behaving manically and irrationally&most of all that I didn’t give a fuck about my goddamn ugliness. Who fucking cares. Honestly being cool and different and having style and embracing your ugliness has so much much more value in the world than trying to mitigate beauty. Really. I admire women who aren’t pretty but they’re fucking rad. Chloe sivengySofia Coppola Juliette Lewis.I’ll also say that the intensity surrounding these things ebbs and flows depending on your mental state. You’re not in a good space right now so these things feel all encompassing and physically painful and traumatizing. But this isn’t a new reality you have to navigate. Its a fucked up headspace that won’t go away but will become incredibly smaller& less painful.

There's a couple things I want to say. first of all, I don't believe in playing the comparison game when it comes to people's problems. People are but a speck of dust on this Earth, but when you live here and exist in a body then you are perceiving everything from that point and it's not fair to compare your plight with someone else's. So it's completely valid that you feel this way or are experiencing life this way and I am sorry. I am sorry for all of us. Secondly, i want to believe that ugliness is really celebrated...I really do. Fact of the matter is though that all those women you listed are thin, which is the beauty standard. I've always been heavier compared to my peers so it provides no solace.

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jayflrt · 3 years ago

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hey alice(can i call you that?) i got to know about the plagiarism situation you faced from sei and im so sad to know that you were lied to and gslit. it was terrible of [beep] to do that to someone, and it's even more disappointing because she doesn't seem to be genuine. the new users on enha tumblr have been turning out to be super untrustworthy. and it's very upsetting to see that people think it's okay to steal from here cause the content is all put out for free and the fact that they "feel bad" only after being caught after constant accusations. personally i have also faced plagiarism and have even caught someone plagiarizing other people and honestly it feels really awful. i can immediately see how these people are not actually always genuinely apologetic rather it's a situation of "oh fk sht i've been caught it's time to hop on to a new blog and a new name" sometimes i feel insecure putting out my works wondering if there's anyone whose using my hard work as their own it's sickening to think they probably have no shame in claiming it as their own and gaining innocent people's trust. idk how many people i trust/follow/look up to or know have scummed to ways of plagiarism but i really hope if they have they stop doing it. and i hope you don't have to come across something like this again. it's less likely though considering the increasing number of incidents coming to light recently. i feel like those who have got caught and deactivated probably could have already made another new blog with a new identity and we don't even know if they on here looking through our blogs, interacting and trying to get moots again. this might be not entirely true but i feel like one among the many reasons could be the average age of our fandom. there are more of minors on here than adults, and that too minors on the younger side as well. it's difficult for some teens to figure out what's not right, one of which is posting someone else's work after modifying it. which is essentially plagiarism but certain minds think of it as not just because they modified it. this is not an excuse or justification but rather im just stating why it could be so casual here. some network admins as well even though putting plagiarism will not be accepted in the rules still keep the guilty ones in the network. i just hope the people who plagiarize and don't feel guilty, someday learn from it. (THAT WAS SUCH A LONG RANT IM SO SRRY I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF😵) hope you're doing okay <33

hihi !! yeonie, right ?? :o i think i’ve seen your jay fic around !! 🤩 and yes ofc you can call me alice 🥰💕 (omfg i thought you meant sei plagiarized and i was about to be like NONONONO) but ahh yes it’s super disappointing :(( this site should just be for supporting each other and creating content that we like. i wish it wouldn’t have to turn into a chore for people to constantly grind out fics, and i feel like that’s another way people start getting into the habit of copying other authors works :/ but i agree, it’s hard to trust because of it but i hope it stops !! 🤧

and i’m so sorry that you’ve experienced that love, no one deserves that :(( did you manage to get them to take it down?? i remember there used to be a wave of people from wattpad plagiarizing several authors from tumblr and putting all of them in a oneshot book <//3 it’s absolutely horrible and i don’t understand why people are so adamant on taking people’s own creative work like that ,, like the amount of thought and dedication that writers pour into their fics just for someone to copy paste 😔

and you’re so right 😭😭 i already know there are instances of people who start anew after getting exposed for plagiarism and it’s kinda scary to think about them doing it again :// i hope recent events set an example and help people realize they really shouldn’t be doing this, but i guess we’ll see with time :’)

that’s true as well !! this fandom specifically has a younger audience so i think it’s more prevalent here(??) and yeahh i hope it’s reinforced that paraphrasing and stealing of ideas counts just as much :(( taking an author’s intellectual property is just wrong and disrespectful. i don’t know much about network admins but the few that i’ve talked to have been really sweet and good about keeping people in line. the ones you’re referring to who let plagiarists slide ,, i do hope they take a stand and stop tolerating such behavior 😞 and i hope they learn from their mistakes too ! at some point ppl have to realize how childish it is to steal work <//3 AHAHHA DW AB THE LENGTH I ENJOYED THE READ >:) and i’m doing p good !! just have a lot due for tomorrow HAHAH hbu ?? :o i hope you’re doing alright as well ! and have a great day/night love 🌷💗

#💌 : jayflrt love notes #wonvelvet

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