#who were trying to protect their deeply traumatized third

[somethingsomethingstarward]

no but like. if we are going to be talking about the yaoqing trio-

feixiao and moze are in the middle of a crisis. they came to secure a prisoner, and not only is that prisoner not secure, he has in fact escaped! and is now holding their ambassador hostage! and that's if said ambassador is even still alive- for all they know, hoolay might have decided it's not worth waiting and killed him anyway. they are dealing with not only a massive diplomatic issue, but a massive threat to the security of the entire xianzhou alliance, especially to anyone who's foxian. the only silver lining is that hoolay is, for reasons they don't know, still on the luofu, but that also means that they cannot afford to make mistakes right now, because it's basically their only chance to prevent this from spiraling completely out of control. they absolutely have to be at their best here.

and also- that's their friend. he hates coriander and he makes them hot pot and he's had his heart broken too many times. he mourns every person he's ever healed and sent back out to die on the battlefield- and he came back anyway, to try and save someone who he knew was dying. how long do you think it took for him to believe that caring about them wqs worth the pain? how long do you think the two of them spent trying to figure out how to walk the line between being a soldier and having someone to come back to? how long do you think it took, for a general and assassin and a medic to decide there was something worth caring about anyway between the three of them- that even though they knew it would hurt in the end, it was worth trying?

and now one of them- that wasn't even a frontline fighter, that was never supposed to be in this position in the first place- is either dead or captive with the worst enemy of his entire species. if he's alive, then he is actively experiencing the effects of a fear toxin and surrounded by enemies who think he's property at best. so if they want to get him back, he's going to have to survive all of that and give hoolay a decent reason to keep him alive long enough for them to rescue him. and maybe the worst part is, if they have to choose- and I think all three of them know this- they cannot prioritize his safety over neutralizing the fact that hoolay presents.

on some level, of course, they had to be prepared for this. fexiao is a general. moze and jiaoqiu are her retainers. you are inevitably going to end up in a situation where one of them is in danger and the other two just have to deal with it. it comes with the territory. moze was ready and willing to leave jiaoqiu behind, and i think that's not because he doesn't care, but because that is the deal you make when you choose to care about somebody within this situation. your higher priority has to be the safety of your general and the xianzhou, in that order. and feixiao, as the general, has to prioritize the safety of the alliance above either of them.

but i think about what it must be like to try to make those plans, knowing all of this. because they were never going to be safe- not as the general of the yaoqing and her retainers- but none of that changes the fact that feixiao and moze know, keenly, that somebody they care about is being hurt. and they might, if they get this right, be able to save him- but the damage is being done as they speak, and every second they take is another second jiaoqiu suffers.

i think it must kill them, just a little bit. 

[shsl-writer]

sorry for accidentally dming you this but I find you very interesting and got too excited and pressed the wrong button and stuff so uh yeah

Opinions on Kiyo? (I’m very very normal about Kiyo and definitely relate to him to a average degree)

Heslo! Don’t worry, I totally get it, I’m horrific with technology. I’m just glad you wanted to talk!

Kiyo! God, I adore Kiyo. I haven’t gotten to the third game yet but I’ve watched all the ftes and am obviously pretty deeply entrenched in fandom stuff so I know a good deal about him, he’s genuinely one of my favorite Danganronpa characters.

To me Kiyo reads as an abused person who hasn’t yet realized they’ve been abused. Other people can probably articulate it better than me but from what I’ve seen his Sister has dictated most everything about him from his clothes to his interests. Everything he does is for her and from the sounds of it this is still the case years after her death, that’s how deeply she’s influenced (and manipulated) him. I’m assuming that his parents were either absent or not there entirely which is why she had so much control over him. It makes me so angry about what they did to him in the 3rd trial not only because Kiyo’s character was then completely villainized but because it’s an absolutely disgusting way to paint someone who’s so clearly been abused. There’s a difference between recognizing that a character doesn’t realize they’ve been mistreated and writing them to be a goddamn serial killer (Danganronpa has a history of turning heavily traumatized characters ‘evil’ tho, just look at Toko and Syo).

Anyway, I also think Kiyo is super autistic. So many of his sprites are self-soothing positions (which could also be related to the abuse but yunno), he’s covered pretty much head to toe which could be to protect from sensory issues, and most importantly: this man infodumps like no one’s fucking business. It’s kinda all he talks about unless prompted otherwise? And there’s implication he doesn’t have a lot of control over it because he’ll cut himself off sometimes realizing he’d been talking for too long and dominating the conversation. All of his ftes with Shuichi are about essentially acting as a teacher for different anthropological subjects. That is a special interest, you can’t convince me otherwise.

Overall I think Kiyo is just a really tragic character who was completely fucked over by the writing. As someone ND myself I find him so fucking relatable. He’s seen as weird and typically keeps to himself and has a hard time holding a normal conversation. He keeps trying to just stay in the background and observe but not only does his stature make that difficult he’s also got so much to say, so much knowledge he wants to share, and he just wants someone who will listen. I hold him so dear to my heart <33

[kiigan]

morning coffee thoughts:

Or, thoughts I'd actually love to explore eventually either in a meta post or actual plots/threads. Basically, the can of worms that is the Uchiha massacre and Konoha's justification for it. The whole this is a necessary evil to avoid civil war and then invasions and then another worldwide shinobi war. And the dichotomy Konoha good bc will of fire and Uchiha bad bc curse of hatred. And, specifically, Itachi's place in all this.

In Edo Tensei period he mentions having regrets about trying to do everything on his own and not letting others help, and I wonder. I mean, obviously he regrets having killed his family and friends and clansfolk, but I do wonder if he even realizes the way he was manipulated and instrumentalized. He also references the village not being perfect and having shortcomings but, again, to what extent? Does he ever realize the way he was used as escape goat and an easy way out by the elders, Hiruzen included? Does he resent them for that? Danzo is by far the easiest to despise, but what about the others who were equally responsible, if nothing else by passivity and neglect?

Itachi was deeply traumatized by the third war. War was something he NEVER wished to see happen again, especially after Sasuke's birth. Even if he was gifted and a genius and prodigy and all that, even if Hiruzen says that he was already as wise as a hokage, he was a child. By the time he joined ANBU and the talks of rebellion/coup start getting louder, he was 11/12 years old. Can you really expect someone at this age to grasp the true extent and implications of things, no matter how intelligent they are? And suddenly he gets told by the elders, people whose job IS to be wise and know better AND to protect and look out for the future of children AND to be trustworthy, that his clan will be responsible for starting a civil war, new shinobi war, etc etc. Do we even realize how perverse this is? Using a child's trauma and deepest fear and actually genuine motivations for peace - twist it all into believing the only solution to avoid those horrors is to basically wipe a whole clan off the face of the planet? Not to mention, send said child to get the dirty job done and bear all the blame, and the best thing he receives for it is Hiruzen saying I'm so sorry this happened?

It really makes me wonder, if Itachi eventually came to realize this or if he even ever gave it any thought. And it makes me wonder even more, if per chance he was allowed to return to Konoha, would he take a stand and try to change things? I really love to explore the theme of Itachi becoming his own person in my writing, and it's heartbreaking to see how someone with the best intentions can so easily end up committing atrocious acts due to a conjugation of factors: fear, inexperience, manipulation, deception. And maybe the hardest thing of all: to look back, at all these atrocious things you had to commit and that you can never erase, and question if it was even worth it. If there could have been a different solution you were too young/too indoctrinated/too scared to consider.

[billiethetween]

been thinking about how so much of the coverage of the slenderman stabbing took the idea that no adolescent girls had ever done such a thing before for granted, which is wild because that's definitely not the case. just off the top of my head the Parker–Hulme murder in Christchurch, NZ has a lot in common with the slenderman stabbing: girls deeply bonded by shared delusions, an increasingly inability to differentiate fact from fiction, a shocking act of violence committed because of a desperate belief in an outcome that any outsider could see was insane. this wasn't obscure: juliet hulme grew up to be a popular mystery author using the pen name ann perry, and the resulting scandal when her identity was revealed overlapped with a movie directed by peter jackson and launched melanie lynskey and kate winselt to stardom. all of this was big news in the 1990s and continues to have a cultural legacy, albeit a more niche one these days.

but the murder in Christchurch happened in the 1950s, and the internet did not exist in the 1950s. children have been exchanging scary stories since most anyone can remember, and the telling of urban legends have always been a big part of american youth culture. hell, we had these books about aliens and ghosts that presented their subject matter as real that scared the shit out of me as a kid and led to a phobia of aliens that lasted well into my adulthood and long after i had the capacity to understand it was horseshit. i'm hardly the only one to have an experience like this, and the majority of us are fine and not at all traumatized because we read some spooky stories in the third grade. obviously, parents should be paying attention to how their children spend their time and what they're consuming both in real life and online, but it should have been obvious a lot more was going on here than "child has unsupervised access to scary stories the internet."

i still see this shit play out to a lesser degree, usually in the form of the exhausted parents of young children panicking about some five nights at freddy's knockoff or reading too much into shit like the spiderman-elsa videos. there are dangers here, but it's not satanists trying to recruit your kid or predators trying to communicate through cartoon youtube videos: it's companies trying to take advantage of kid's mushy brains to keep them watching and selling them shit. it's unscrupulous influence taking advantage of their audience's naiveté for easy cash and fame. and it's an entire online ecosystem dedicated to preying on your fears as a parent, getting you to click and share without thinking things through because their content is designed to exploit your legitimate fears and natural protective instincts. this isn't new either: much of the slenderman stabbing coverage came from traditional media where people knew damn well what they were doing because they'd pulled all the same tricks during other moral panics for decades.

but the internet has made it possible for any mercenary creep with enough technical knowledge and ambition to make a lot of money exploiting people's fears by telling blatant lies. obviously, children are easy targets, but there are actual laws providing some protections for that demographic, and more cautious grifters choose to go after vulnerable adults like the parents of small children. this is all just one aspect of a much larger problem, but it's always worth considering who is trying to sell our fears back to us and what they have to gain from it, and it's been on my mind a lot lately

[lollytea]

Okay highly specific and idk if you even have any thoughts on it BUT ☕ on the Boscha/Amity dynamic in FTF? I literally had no significant thoughts on Boscha til this ep. Now I'm kinda into whatever toxic thing she's got going on with Amity. Heathcliffian in nature, almost. But what's your two cents, if you have em to spare?

I've never really had any strong opinions on Boscha. Like I know a ton of people absolutely loathe her but I can't even grant her those feelings. I can never really drum up too much animosity towards teen characters. She's just a kid. Kids suck sometimes. Sometimes they grow up and they learn and they become better people and sometimes they just get worse. I'm not gonna make any assumptions about which category Boscha will fall into because she's still too young to be certain.

I think it's kinda funny how the writers clearly gave her a deep underlying complex but never bothered to elaborate on it. Like the opening of WILW where she's like "You can be hated. So long as you are feared." Girl??? Can we like...get an update on this kid's home life? Why is this her mindset? Where is this coming from? Where are her moms??

During the time she and Amity were friends, the latter was also deeply depressed and had a horrible home life. So I wouldn't be surprised if she and Boscha had one of those sapphic toxic co-dependent teenage bonds. (We've all had them.) Like there's no escape to this life. Things won't get better. But at least they can stew in their own cynicism together. They help each other gain some semblance of control over their own lives by clawing their way up the Hexside hierarchy, with Amity being top student and Boscha being grudgby captain. Just a pair of fucked up and lonely girls just trying to pretend they're not fucked up and lonely.

I feel like, at some point, Amity even found solace in Boscha's company. When she was younger and more immature and was led to believe that actual positive mutually uplifting friendships were only for kids (bye Willow) so she desperately leans into what she has. What they had with each other may have been their only real connection. Early episodes definitely give the impression that their friendships with the likes of Skara and co. were rather superficial, with Boscha acting rather dismissively towards anyone who wasn't Amity. I'm sure they saw all the vulnerability and ugliness in each other that nobody else saw. I'm sure Boscha got unhealthily attached because Amity was really all she had and she didn't have any experience with an actual constructive relationship with anyone her own age to understand that she and Amity were bad for each other.

But Amity was clearly worn down. This relationship was exhausting. It leeched away at her. She was complacent in all the bullying because she didn't see the point in even trying to discourage it, other than half-hearted chiding every now and again. In her own words, there was no reasoning with Boscha.

And then Amity opened her eyes and realized that this fucking sucked. You see her gradually detaching herself from Boscha throughout season 1 which results in her completely cutting ties in WILW, much to Boscha's disgust.

Tbh I feel like Boscha's gotten pretty funny since then, though she's been barely present. I enjoyed her in ASIAS cuz she was just so pathetic. Literally just third wheeling lumity, neither of them give two shits about her existence but she just refuses to exit the scene. We love girlosers.

But yeah I really did dig her in FTF. It's definitely the most insight we've gotten into her character since her debut. I didn't exactly need Boscha character development to live cuz like. I don't care about her. But I guess if they're gonna include her at all, at least they didn't keep her stagnant.

She's clearly traumatized by the fact that her team essentially "died" (as far as she knows) protecting her and she's never experienced such a heavy emotion before. She doesn't know how to handle it. She pushes it down. She lashes out. And Kikimora has just made her a million times worse. No wonder she begged for Amity to come back. She's unstable and scared and wants to cling to some fantasy that this will all be okay. And she feels like if she just has her friend back, that can be a possibility.

I like how Amity dealt with her in this episode, as a contrast to how Willow did. Willow was perfectly within her right to be furious with Boscha, considering she's nothing but her former bully who's given her so many emotional scars. But Amity approached her with an appeal rather than a fight. Because Boscha is Amity's former friend. She knows things about her that Willow doesn't. And no matter how awful their relationship has gotten, she doesn't want to see her former friend as the villain of this story.

"There's no reasoning with Boscha." She said two season ago. And then she DID!!! It really speaks volumes about how much Amity has developed from an emotionally exhausted enabler to a proactive outspoken girl who's willing to give everyone a shot to prove themselves, the way Luz did for her.

Anyway I think Boscha has completely burned all her bridges and has no hope of rekindle her old friendship. That's a consequence she'll have to live with for the way she's behaved. Plus, she and Amity just....don't mix well anymore. Some people are destined to come into your life for a time and keep you standing upright but they're not lifelong friends. I could see them as like...acquaintances maybe? Maybe theyll grow up and have kids and be on the PTA together. Maybe. But I can't see them as ever being true friends again.

Some people say that Boscha's actions at the end of FTF was a "rushed redemption arc" though I disagree. It wasn't a redemption at all. It was simply an acknowledgement that Boscha is not the devil incarnate. She's a kid. All she wants is to have a normal life and play Flyer Derby. So she's taking the necessary actions to get that future for herself. It opens up the possibility that Boscha could be a good person. Someday. She's not there yet. But someday. Maybe.

[phoenixyfriend]

OKAY so on the topic of Star Wars takes wrt “character ends up in an A/B/O universe where they’re an omega, but they were previously a cis male in their canon”

@atagotiak and I had some Thoughts on discord

So, obviously, Anakin would make a good omega and he’s also incredibly murdery. Foregone conclusion that we're using him for this.

There is no preexisting Anakin in the Omegaverse. He shows up JUST as the war is starting. Canon timeline is in the third year of the war (he’s 22), but whatever dumped him into omegaverse also tossed him back a few years. No de-aging, just a bit of mismatched timeline stuff.

He's... really good at war, and clearly a Jedi, so the Temple just kind of goes "WELL OKAY THEN, SURE, YOU'RE IN, EVERYONE PRETEND HE'S BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME." The Jedi, by and large, don't care about omegaverse dynamics beyond 'what do you need, medically, to be happy and healthy' and 'what do you need to be aware of so you can be prepared for biases you encounter in the field?’

None of the civilian natborns (mainly politicians) want to put him on the field because of those biases. Anakin, being Anakin, is VERY blatantly an omega in scent, has never been on suppressants (because it wasn't a thing he fucking NEEDED), is incredibly emotional as a person, loves kids, etc.

Like, nobody wants an omega fighting a war anyway, but THIS one is like PINNACLE omega, and those awful Jedi are making him FIGHT just because he's good at stab!

The Jedi: Actually, it's because he's got several years of war experience that we don't, and he's a good tactician that works well with the clones-- Coruscant: You MONSTERS The Jedi: Look, we gave him the option to not stab and he looked absolutely devastated. Anakin, several days earlier: You don’t want me? I’m not good enough??? Jedi: Also he can beat up at least half the temple.

He doesn't know a damn thing about dynamics, but he DOES know that sometimes he's so horny he wants to stab HARDER. The clones are largely disinterested in their generals' dynamics because between mostly-Mando* trainers and no-dynamic Kaminoans, they only really care if a person can shoot.

* Mandalore approves of Fighty Omegas. As far as (traditional) Mandalore is concerned, you want an omega that will kill the threats to your children as well as you do.

Anakin: You know more about being an omega than I do. Rex: ...I'm an alpha. Anakin: Yeah. Let that one sink in a bit.

We have two options for Obi-Wan!

Omegaverse local Obi-Wan (beta) has never met this man before, and is very unnerved that the immediate default reaction Anakin has to his presence is releasing Family pheromones as if Obi-Wan is his DAD and like. This strange, too-tall man from another dimension has got absolutely NO control over what he projects in the Force OR in his dynamic.

Obi-Wan was ALSO transplanted from canon to omegaverse, and is also an omega, for contrast reasons. He is nice and friendly and and likes poetry and that sort of thing... but also he has the highest dismemberment count in the movies. Also he doesn’t prioritize romance.

We went with the second one because it's hilarious.

Someone watching them spar: Wow, omegas from that universe are terrifying.

As previously mentioned, now with some tweaking to account for both: Obi-Wan and Anakin just straight up don't exist until they drop headfirst into the council room, already covered in blood. (It's mostly not theirs.)

Nobody realizes either one is an omega until they "naturalize" to this dimension and Anakin goes into heat... and doesn't realize it, actually, because his primary symptom is heightened protectiveness and aggression. Everyone else with the right nose realizes, because the man has no control over his pheromone production, but Anakin? No. He just stabs. He’s angry and horny and he will cut someone.

Ahsoka has no reaction to human pheromones but basically everyone smells Anakin's "my child!" reaction to her, so... Cool. Have a padawan, we guess.

Anakin ends up sparring a lot with Aayla and Ahsoka, because only humans and near humans have dynamics, so these two don't REACT to the pheromones situation.

(Palpatine is a Kindly Old Beta who tries to treat Anakin the way he EXPECTS Anakin wants to be treated, which is. Not. Accurate.)

(Anakin hates it.)

I'm just so in love with "An omega can't fight." "You wanna fuckin' bet?"

There are plenty of omega Jedi, by the way, it's just... most of them can keep it relatively low-key instead of Anakin's jet-engine broadcast. Some, if they're known to be omega, probably take advantage of being underestimated, like Obi-Wan probably (and especially a version of Obi-Wan that was always an omega, unlike this version). They have a very different way of presenting themselves than Anakin, who's not subtle about being an omega and also not subtle about being all aggressive and stabby.

At one point, Anakin has to protect some Very Traditional Individuals who get all "Stay back, Omega, it's not safe!" and he's just... so tired of this shit. “You are squishy civilians and I'm a trained Jedi Knight and accomplished GAR General who's killed more people in one sitting than there are in this entire palace. Sit the fuck down and let me do my job.”

It starts making the rounds that Anakin insisted on fighting in person, and the rumors shift from "how dare the Jedi force an omega to fight" and over into things that are deeply hurtful in-universe in the vein of "broken omega" and some people try to say it to his face but like...

He didn't grow up here.

He doesn't care.

Say that to one of his friends and he's going to rip out your spleen, probably, but say it to him and he's just staring at you flatly and asking if that's a negative on getting away from the encroaching battle droids, sir?

"You're rather unpleasant for an omega, aren't you?" [deeply offensive] "I literally could not give less of a fuck about your opinion. Move."

It's not that there aren't omegas that act like Anakin, either, it's just that most of them aren't, you know, Jedi who regularly interact with the upper crust, or capable of his level of destruction. Unbeknownst to Anakin, everyone clocks him as Outer Rim based on his behavior, well before his accent gives him away, and certainly before he mentions he's from Tatooine, because Core Omegas Don't Act Like That.

Someone they meet in a more diplomatic setting says something decently passive-aggressive about how at least Obi-Wan acts more like how an Omega should. Then a battle breaks out for some reason, and... well. Anakin and Obi-Wan cause such a scandal by keeping score of kills in a battle, don’t you know?

Turns out sending Anakin to fight Ventress is great because she keeps expecting him to react a certain way but NO he's here to STAB.

I like the idea that Obi-Wan's favorite opponent these days is Grievous because the cyborg doesn't have a nose, and thus gives zero fucks about dynamics or heats. Dooku is a rich old man who has opinions heavily influenced by Sith Juice Making Him More of a Dick, and the Dathomiri can smell dynamics even if they don't have them, and so they have biases about those things. Meanwhile, Grievous is just there to Kill, and Obi-Wan genuinely appreciates the lack of commentary on his dynamic.

Dooku’s probably an alpha, or a beta who's used the whole "we are more level-headed" thing as one of several angles to keep himself the public face and supreme commander of the CIS.

On to more fluffy things that have less to do with political biases.

There's a lot of "I'm upset that my loved ones don't know me," but also please understand the appeal of Obi-Wan marching up to Quinlan like "Yes, hello, I understand you've been read in on the full situation behind myself and my former padawan. I was close friends with your alternate universe self, which I feel is necessary disclosure before I propose the following: Would you like to join me for my upcoming heat, as I have minimal experience with the dynamics situation and even fewer people I actually trust, and I believe I can put my faith in you to treat it as casually as necessary while still having control and respect for my person."

(The Team is in a fairly safe place to process stuff, but having sudden unexpected changes to your biology has gotta be a little traumatizing, on top of ending up in a universe where none of your friends know you and people have a whole host of unfamiliar forms of sexism to point at you.)

Obi-Wan, who wasn't quite touch-averse but was much more easily overwhelmed by physical contact than Anakin (who craved it), suddenly finds his body switching gears and insisting on cuddles with Trusted Loved Ones, which is.... mostly Anakin, on account of nobody else really knowing him yet. Also Ahsoka, who is aware that she's something of a replacement for her alt-universe self, but Anakin explained it as "I love you so much no matter which dimension I'm in or what you're like, and I'd like to get to know you the way I got know her."

(It's rather eloquent for Anakin. He got Obi-Wan to help him draft up the script for when he pitched taking on omegaverse Ahsoka as a padawan.)

Anakin gets a more intensely sexual heat than 'usual' at one point for Reasons (IDK it could be as innocuous as 'we got better food than the usual rations and my body is reacting to the higher fat content with the belief that it's safer to have a baby now'), which nobody takes a whole lot of notice of because they're in a WAR, and also this is only his fourth one so it's not like he's got a lot to compare it to... except then the predominantly alpha clones can't stop themselves from reacting to the pheromones, mostly by wandering past his door and asking if he needs anything, offering up alpha-scented blankets and stuff for the nest to soothe the hormones, bringing snacks and electrolyte drinks, and like, Anakin is flattered, really, but fuck off please.

(He got a warning from medical a few hours before it hit that it would be different, so he actually does have alpha-scented fabrics to help him out. Apparently that's a thing you can just ask friends for, so he asked Rex if he had anything on hand that he could spare. He now has one of Rex’s recently-used sheets and a bodyglove in the nest.)

(Anakin has no idea how to feel about the nesting instinct, but at least it’s warm.)

Tia asked "Oh hey, who has the scared and horny reaction to his carnage?" and like.

Listen. I'm not saying I've been low-key imagining this as Rex being a very subby alpha who's really into Anakin's whole Thing but...

At one point Anakin gets injured in a way that requires painkillers and he ends up whining to the point of almost crying about the fact that nobody is cuddling him right now in medbay and Kix just gives up and comms Ahsoka to come hug her weird older brother.

And Then There Is Purring.

That’s a Thing Now.

Rex ends up in the pile somehow. He came over to check on Things and ended up yanked in by half-asleep, half-high Anakin, who has a grip like an octopus and no impulse control and is purring like a pod motor while NUZZLING HIM.

There’s a lot of blackmail photos featuring Rex’s very intense blush as he’s cuddled by his commander (giggling at him) and general (clinging like a tooka and rubbing himself all over).

Anakin is deeply offended that ANYONE thinks he'd want to get pregnant by just any old person, NO he needs to fall in LOVE there needs to be EMOTIONAL DRAMA and if Padme won't have him (apparently she's in a relationship and no he's not BITTER) then he'll find someone else to have a whirlwind romance with!

People think Anakin's a slut because he can't control his pheromone production (he has NO practice and for health reasons he can't go on suppressants) so he always smells open and ready for flirtations, which Obi-Wan also has to a somewhat lesser degree (he's older so his body just naturally produces less), and then someone tries to cross a boundary and grabs his ass and ANYWAY Anakin has to now fill out an incident report for breaking a civilian's arm.

Again.

[causeiwanttoandican]

Robert Lacey excerpt

I fully expect them to say William was the one commenting about the baby’s skin color after this. Battle stations! Book excerpt

The Times

Prince William ‘split his household from Prince Harry after Meghan bullying claims’

June 07 2021, 7.00am BST

‘So, are you saying,” asked Oprah Winfrey, talking to Meghan and Harry in their famous interview of March 2021, “that there were hints of jealousy?”

She was inquiring about the Sussexes’s wildly successful tour of Australia and the South Pacific of late October 2018, and the couple shifted uncomfortably in their plush wicker chairs.

“Look,” replied Harry, “I just wish that we would all learn from the past.”

By bringing up “the past”, the prince was venturing into an area that was almost taboo. He was making a sensational comparison between his mother and his wife. Harry was suggesting that Meghan had demonstrated in Australia the same massive star quality as Diana and was now having to face the family envy that went along with that.

“It really changed,” he said, “after the Australia tour, after our South Pacific tour . . . it was . . . the first time that the family got to see how incredible she is at the job. And that brought back memories.”

Memories of what? Again Harry shied away from putting words to the almost unmentionable. But Oprah had prepared and polished this moment, like so many others in the interview, and she had a reference ready to prompt her prince’s revelation. The latest, fourth season of TV’s The Crown had depicted Charles and Diana’s 1983 tour of Australia, showing how Diana had been “bedazzling” in her ability “to connect with people”. Episode six had depicted how the crowds would groan when they realised that Charles, not Diana, was walking down their side of the street — hence the beginnings of the “jealousy” on the family’s part.

“So is that what you’re talking about?” asked Oprah. “It brought back memories of that?”

“Yeah,” Harry finally replied in a fashion that was both dismal and unmistakably aggressive.

What on earth had happened, viewers had to wonder, to the old and once-familiar happy side of Prince Harry?

When trying to define the moment that marked the decisive rift with his brother William — the break-up and actual separation of the joint household they had established together in 2009 — Harry would fix upon his triumphant return with Meghan from their Australian tour at the end of October 2018. But if asked the same question, William would have fixed on a more specific event: the explosive argument he had had with his brother earlier that month.

Both brothers agreed how bitterly they had clashed back in the early days over William’s attempt to slow Harry’s courtship of Meghan — “Don’t feel like you need to rush this . . . ” But both of them had subsequently moved on. Harry’s transparent contentment with Meghan had relaxed the tensions, give or take the odd row over bridesmaids’ dresses. The “no speaks” had eased just a little by the time “best man” William escorted his brother down the aisle in May 2018.

Then five months later came the conclusive and determining rupture — the division that has lasted to the present day — though here the brothers’ retelling of history diverged. As Harry explained it to Oprah, Meghan’s Australian tour success sowed the jealousies that caused feelings to “change”. According to this scenario, William and Kate resented the Diana-like popularity that was generated by Harry’s wife. William had a different recollection.

We now know that Princes William and Harry were no longer on speaking terms before the Sussexes set off for Australia. Feelings had already “changed”, as Harry put it, and drastically so. The brothers had parted on extremely poor terms, with the trouble centring on Meghan’s stringent treatment and alleged bullying of her staff.

Most Kensington Palace courtiers were noted for the comparatively long tenures of their comfortable and prestigious jobs. But it came to look as if employees could not wait to escape service with Harry and Meghan. Those who left formed themselves into an informal fraternity that they titled the “Sussex Survivors’ Club”. They had finally hit back, and their organising agent had been PR man Jason Knauf.

The joint communications secretary for Kensington Palace — who was still, at that date, working on behalf of both of the brothers and their wives — had become concerned by the numerous stories of mistreatment being brought to him by colleagues whom he knew well and trusted.

Texas-born and New Zealand-educated, Knauf, 34, was a popular character in Kensington Palace, widely noted for his friendliness and loyalty towards his colleagues. He had been considered a real “catch” when the brothers snared him from the Royal Bank of Scotland in 2015, and one of his concerns was that professional management practices should be more effectively enforced inside the traditional British palace. Knauf’s American sensibilities caused him to see the Meghan situation as raising principles of human resources management in the palace system that needed to be formally addressed.

Knauf’s first priority was to set down the facts, as he saw them, for the record: “I’m very concerned,” he emailed to William’s private secretary Simon Case, in a document he drafted in October 2018, “that the duchess was able to bully two PAs out of the household in the past year.”

Knauf described Meghan’s treatment of one aide as “totally unacceptable . . . the duchess seems intent”, he wrote, “on always having someone in her sights”. Specifying another staff member, Knauf alleged Meghan had been bullying her as well, “seeking to undermine her confidence”. His office had received “report after report”, he wrote, from people who had witnessed “unacceptable behaviour” by Meghan towards this member of staff.

“Meghan governed by fear,” claimed one courtier. “So many people said it. Nothing was ever good enough for her. [She] humiliated staff in meetings, [would] shout at them, [would] cut them off email chains — and then demand to know why they hadn’t done anything.”

As early as 2017, around the time of the couple’s engagement, according to a subsequent report in The Times, a senior aide had spoken to the couple about the difficulties caused by their treatment of staff. “It’s not my job to coddle people,” Meghan was said to have replied.

“Americans can be much more direct,” wrote the authors Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand in defence of the duchess, “and that often doesn’t sit well in the much more refined institution of the monarchy.”

A Brit might have raised an eyebrow at Meghan’s alleged behaviour, then looked the other way. The Yank decided to act. Knauf was actually one of Meghan’s most senior advisers — her chief adviser, in fact, when it came to public relations. Earlier that year she had gone to Knauf for help when drafting the disputed letter of severance that she sent to her father. She valued his PR expertise.

Before that, Knauf had helped Harry to word the fierce anti-media statements that he had framed to try to protect Meghan from press harassment, both as his girlfriend and then as his fiancée. The PR man had taken considerable stick from some of his non-royal contacts who criticised him as being overprotective in fighting the newcomer’s corner. Like so many people in all the palaces, Knauf had started off on Meghan’s side.

But as the months went by the American’s feelings became more ambiguous, as numerous colleagues — women whom he greatly respected — continued to bring him stories of what they said they had suffered at Meghan’s hands.

“I can’t stop shaking,” one aide had told a colleague in anticipation of an encounter with Meghan. Another reported that the prospect of confrontation with the duchess had made her “feel sick”. “Emotional cruelty and manipulation”, were the words of a third, “which I guess could also be called bullying.”

The b-word featured prominently in the accounts of several, along with an even more sinister set of initials: PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder was a deeply serious condition to allege — flashbacks, nightmares and feelings of deep anxiety — but that was how one complainant said that they had felt.

Several people maintained they had been “humiliated” by the duchess, and that criticism extended to Harry as well.

“I overheard a conversation between Harry and one of his top aides,” recalled one Kensington Palace courtier. “Harry was screaming and screaming down the phone. Team Sussex was a really toxic environment. People shouting and screaming in each other’s faces.”

Shouting and screaming? PTSD? Making people feel sick? Prince William went ballistic when he heard the “dossier of distress” that Knauf had gathered. We do not know whether the communications secretary brought his allegations directly to his boss or submitted them via Simon Case. What we do know is that the prince was astonished and horrified. He was instantly furious at what he heard.

“I remember Christian Jones [William’s press secretary and later private secretary] explaining to me how the Cams [the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge] are paternalistic with their staff,” recalls one royal correspondent. “They copy the Queen in that respect with all her Christmas parties and Christmas presents to her people. They’re proud to treat their staff like family. They recognise that they don’t get paid loads of money, so they are just really nice to them. So this was a very deep clash of philosophies, with Meghan being used to a Hollywood service culture — getting exactly what she wanted whenever she wanted in that famous way that Harry said.”

William personally knew and liked all the individuals whom Knauf had named in his dossier. The prince regarded them as assets to his household — colleagues to be cherished and for whom he was responsible. Human beings. Like Knauf, the prince was appalled that his respected staff may have been put in this position.

For William, Knauf’s allegations also clarified something that the prince had long believed — that Meghan was fundamentally hostile towards the royal system, which she failed to understand as an outsider. William wondered if she had not wanted to leave from the very start — even dreaming, perhaps, that she could whisk Harry back with her to North America.

But Meghan’s lawyers and PR representatives said this was quite the wrong interpretation of their client’s thinking and behaviour in a statement that they issued to The Times early in March 2021. They denied all allegations of bullying as inaccurate and the product of what they described as a “smear campaign”. The duchess wished to fit in and be accepted, they insisted. She had left her life in North America to commit herself to her new role.

I have never met Jason Knauf. What you have just read is based upon the published accusations that Knauf set down on paper — refuted as “defamatory”, it must be stressed again, and “based on misleading and harmful information” in the view of the Duchess of Sussex’s lawyers. It also relies upon William’s personal account of these events to one of his friends who then spoke to this author.

The moment the prince heard the bullying allegations, he related to this friend, he got straight on the phone to talk to Harry — and when Harry flared up in furious defence of his wife, the elder brother persisted. Harry shut off his phone angrily, so William went to speak to him personally. The prince was horrified by what he had just been told about Meghan’s alleged behaviour, and he wanted to hear what Harry had to say.

The showdown between the two siblings was fierce and bitter. William’s pre-engagement questioning of Meghan’s suitability had been quite reasonable, in William’s opinion. His fraternal doubts had been provisional, based upon how the new recruit appeared to be. The elder brother did not really know Meghan in those early days.

But now William had seen enough of his sister-in-law to feel sure that, sadly, he did know her and that many of his reservations linked unhappily with what Knauf’s colleagues had alleged. William believed Meghan was following a plan — “agenda” was the word he used to his friend — and the accusations he had just heard were alarming. Kate, he said, had been wary of her from the start.

Meghan was undermining some precious principles of the monarchy, if she really was treating her staff in this way, and William was upset that she seemed to be stealing his beloved brother away from him. Later courtiers would coin a hashtag — #freeHarry. It was only half a joke.

“Meghan portrayed herself as the victim,” recalled one Kensington Palace staffer, “but she was the bully. People felt run over by her. They didn’t know how to handle this woman. They thought she was a complete narcissist and sociopath — basically unhinged. Which was why the pair of them were drawn to each other in the first place — both damaged goods.”

William felt deeply wounded. “Hurt” and “betrayed” were the two feelings that he described to his friend. The elder brother had always felt so protective. He had seen it as his job to look out for Harry but this was the moment the protection had to stop. At the end of the day the British crown and all it stood for with its ancient traditions, styles and values — the mission of the monarchy — had to matter more to William than his brother did.

Harry, for his part, was equally furious that William should give credence to the accusations against Meghan, and he was fiercely combative in his wife’s defence. Some sources maintain that in the heat of the argument Harry actually accused someone in the family of concepts that were “racist”. But it must be stressed that neither brother has ever confirmed that the hateful r-word was used face to face.

Only William and Harry can know what they said to each other and they have respectfully maintained their silence on that. But Harry made clear to the world in his interview with Oprah that he considered his family’s response to Meghan to have been essentially racist — using the heavily freighted code words “unconscious bias” to provide an intellectual framework for his analysis.

Where could the two brothers go after such painful and damning notions had been thrown into their debate?

We have reached the crux of the drama. What painfully unforgettable and surely unforgivable things have been said? These are not passing differences. They are two core sets of values in conflict — love versus duty — going to the very heart and deriving from the deepest beliefs and loyalties of each man. Two opposing identities butting heads. In the months following the tragic and not-obviously bridgeable rift of October 2018 between William and Harry, the younger brother solidified his belief that his family were suffering from “unconscious bias”.

William, for his part, felt just as strongly about Meghan and the need for her subversive “agenda” to be removed from the operations of the British monarchy, which she did not appear to understand or respect. He certainly wanted Meghan removed, for a start, from the hitherto harmonious joint household that he and his brother had operated together for the best part of a decade. William simply did not want her or Harry around any more.

When accounts of the rift started seeping out through the winter months that followed, it was generally assumed that the volatile Harry must have set the pace in the splitting up of the joint Kensington Palace household. He was the brother who visibly departed, stalking off to set up a new home in Windsor, with offices for himself and Meghan in Buckingham Palace.

But the reverse was the case. It was William who made the decisive move. Following his furious confrontation with his younger brother in the autumn of 2018, the prince instructed Simon Case to start the process of dividing their two households immediately. William wished to be separated from Meghan on a day-to-day basis — and that meant being separated from his brother as well.

“William,” says a friend, “threw Harry out.”

©Robert Lacey 2021 Extracted from Battle of Brothers: William, Harry and the Inside Story of a Family in Tumult by Robert Lacey, to be published by William Collins on June 24 at £9.99

[kim-poce]

Bloodbag Neo and Celeste

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16

CW: pet whump, scars, implied past torture, thinking caretakers are whumpers

The boy looked up at Alex like the vampire was his only hope of safety. It was deeply bizarre.

Tobias was trying not to take offense that the kid was more comfortable with a vampire mob boss than he was with Tobias.

"This man will clean the wounds so Evelyn can heal them," Alex said gently. "He won't hurt you. I wouldn't let him do it, okay?"

Tobias wanted to take offense to that, too, but... Well. He'd already traumatized the boy. He didn't exactly have room to complain.

"Can you let him help?" Alex asked.

The boy looked between Alex and Tobias, gaze lingering on Tobias's broken arms. He took a deep breath and gave a tiny, shaky nod.

Alex glared back at Tobias. "Let him take his time," he ordered. "There is no need to rush."

Evelyn clicked her tongue but didn't verbally disagree.

Finally, Alex stepped back and stood up, allowing Tobias to come closer to the boy. Alex stayed close by, a looming shadow promising that Tobias would regret his decisions briefly but intensely should he harm the boy.

Why the fuck was he so protective of his bloodbag? There was no way the boy tasted that good, to inspire this level of connection.

Under Alex's glare, Tobias helped the boy out of his shirt, and immediately had his poker face put to the test.

The kid was covered in scars. Most were feeding marks, the characteristic double puncture wounds from vampires, but not all. There were also scars that could only have come from torture, like a whip.

Tobias kept his composure by a bare thread. It seemed that Alex and Evelyn Fortery wanted to keep this bloodbag alive because they didn't want to bother training a new one. And the kid had too much Stockholm Syndrome going on to realize that Tobias could help him.

Out loud, all he said was, "Okay. Ready to run some water over those burns?"

Next

Crossovers - Masterlist

CW: it as a pronoun

=-=-=-=-=

It was scary to see another human so seemly comfortable around vampires, it was even scarier when he told about a vampire pet and described tortures. It felt bad for the vampire and all of a sudden humans sounded so dangereous.

Master Alex was watching closely, and it knew he would protect it, he did so before –just not against his parents but he tried– Master Alex would stop this man from hurting it.

"Okay. Ready to run some water over those burns?" The man said, looking at the burn and maybe –but it is probably seeing wrong– at the old scars too, and it almost hid them in shame.

The man gestured to the sink so it got up and walked closer, it was easier since not much of its blood was taken away lately. The man took the extendable spray nozzle and glanced at Master, who must have given a sign for him to continue, which he did.

"I'll be as careful as I can, kid," The man said, waiting for it to nod before turning the water on.

It hurt. But it also cooled down, it hurt less, and the pain wasn't even nearly closer to the usual pain back with Old Master. It turned its head away and waited for it to end.

"It's clean now," the man said, looking at Master as if showing he hadn't hurt it. Master didn't seem too pleased with the very fact that the man was close to it, but he didn't seem so angry at the man either.

It flinched –but didn't back away– when Ma'am Evelyn got up, she is scary even when doing nothing, "Get out," she ordered to man, who obeyed right away.

Ma'am Evelyn and Master Alex looked at each other as if talking before she crouched down in front of it. "It's the third time you get hurt since you came here, you seriously have no luck," Evelyn said tsking her tongue.

"I-I'm sorry," it said quietly.

Evelyn tsked her tongue again, "It wasn't your fault anyway, now be quiet," she said before moving her –fangs– tongue closer.

It was quiet, it wasn't even breathing as she healed it, the pain was decreasing but the fear was getting so much worse. Ma'am Evelyn stared by the arms up to the shoulder, so close to the neck.

Once again she didn't stop, it was all healed already but she didn't stop, it heard master saying it was enough but she wasn't stopping.

"Evelyn!" Alex called again, this time tightly holding Evelyn's shoulder who glared up but stopped.

"I won't eat from him," she said angrily as she got up, licking the venom on her fangs, "We both know I don't keep my food alive."

=-=-=-=-=

@neverthelass, @latenightcupsofcoffee, @rose-pinkie

[captainseamech]

— Headcanon: Spark Signature

Since everyone in my dash is being fancy with this currently, I decided to stick my leggy in and try to make something that... doesn't seen to exaggerated. But! You're more than free to ask questions and what not!

The link is in the title if you wanted to try! I should warn you that the colors might not work if you got an Android phone (like me), for that I used Silk Art for the first two signatures and the last ones I used Silk Art Portrait for a few... reasons. I'm not sure who started but I'm almost sure that @polyhexianchicken was the one who started it!

-> First signature log: Youngling era

High Tide was very naive and hyperactive when he was younger (as all the younglings were normally), thus why his spark was simple looking back in his early childhood until his adulthood. The two colors of his spark — yellow and blue — is also related to his parents/creators and his own optics before it changed to green.

The colors has a deep meaning, too! Blue being tranquility and yellow being optimism/happiness. This will be important later. The shape is like of a child's toy, full of joy and no edges; open to interact with everyone around and flowing with kindness and love.

-> Second signature log: Early adulthood/Before trauma

After that event and the more he grew up, High Tide was also intrigued to see how much his spark changed over time. It grew bigger, stronger, shinier and... more powerful. Didn't present that many hard edges, soft energy flowing in its chamber and... a new overflowing energy showed up to match with his new optics.

Aside from the now more present blue and yellow, it created a green soothing frequency inside; showing how merciful and full of hope High Tide will turn out to be... before his first traumatic event.

-> Third signature log: After Trauma/Start of and during War

After the loss of his first ever partner, High Tide got a very mix of emotions during all this period, due to a lot of things happening without ever stopping. His spark suffered quite a lot due to constant criticism and so much happening at once, being unstable quite a lot and changing it's essence.

During this time it seemed to present sharp edges as to protect itself, which made High Tide hesitant to try and approach anyone else in any way, because anywho next to him tends to lose their life. He faced it as a curse of his, the happiness in his spark slowly fading away, but trying its best to stay there in a protective shield to repel all the sadness away.

He was also mourningful and angry almost all the time to mask the sadness away, hence why many fear his true strength when he gets really angry since he can't control it.

-> Fouth signature log: Post-War/Current days

After everything that happened, High Tide became extremely close minded for a long period of time. He was trying to heal himself up first before trying again... to no avail. The war, all of those who got lost in battle... all of this damaged his spark deeply.

It's now back to those three colors... or almost that. The spark is damaged, cracked, with some holes and fragile looking. The happiness and energy contained within is merely present now, slowly fading away the older he gets and the more close-minded and insecure he gets, too.

[shinidamachu]

White flag post🏳️

To the Sessr!ners reading this, I'm gonna make a proposition: for a few minutes, forget we have opposite point of views. Forget all of the bad blood. Go through this post with your minds and hearts open. 

I want to ask you some questions, but I don’t want you to answer me. I want you to answer yourselves. You don’t owe me anything, but you owe yourselves to be completely honest.

Do not actually reply here. This post is to be read, only. No one needs to know you saw it and I won’t engage with any comment. This is between you and you. Here we go:

Imagine gender bender $essr!n. Not the funny, temporary, fanfiction trope. I’m talking canon $esshomaru and R!n, their whole story exactly the same, but $esshomaru was a woman and R!n was a little boy when they met. Would you still deny any familial conotations? Would you still think it is simply inevitable that once the little boy grows up, they are going to fall in love, get married and have babies? Would you still find romantic that the woman waited for the boy to come of age so that they could finally be together? Would you advocate it for this couple to be canon in a children’s show?

Now imagine you are an adult. Whatever age you’d like, but legally, physically and unquestionably an adult. Imagine you found a traumatized 8 years old child. You two bond, become traveling buddies. This kid has nobody but you, so you protect them, care for them deeply, give them clothes, order someone of your trust to take care of them when you have to leave. All the while, this 8 years old respects you, trusts you, follows your orders blindly, picks up some of your mannerisms. You finally find a safe place for the child to live, but keep coming back to check on them, from time to time. The kid grows up, turns into a beautiful young adult and develops romantic feelings towards you. Would you encourage it? Would you be able to change the way you used to see this child so easily? Would you give in because, after all, this person is legally an adult now?

Lastly, imagine you do have a child. Whether if it’s biological or adopted, it’s up to you. You are a single parent and, when your kid turns 8 years old, this 19 years old man somehow enters both of your lives. He is great with the kid, so you don’t even think twice before hiring him to babysit whenever you need to. Your child? Worships him. Much like the previous scenario, their relationship is based on respect, trust and obedience on the child’s part. The kid grows and don’t need a babysitter anymore, but their bond is so strong the guy keeps passing by to see how the child is going, sometimes bringing gifts. The kid grows some more. And now they are dating. Would you accept it? Would your child’s current age have any effect over your opinion on the relationship whatsoever? Would you still view the interactions they had when your child was still a kid the same way?

If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can pretend that, in the second scenario, you age but your looks remain unchanged. The same goes to the guy from the third scenario. Were you honest with yourself? There you go. If you couldn’t understand why we are against your ship before, this was me making yet another attempt not to start drama, but to actually try to make you comprehend our side.

Because, you see, I don’t know what your answers to the questions were, and I don’t really want to, but our answers would never be anything different than a firm “NO!” to all of it.

Just because I’m an adult, it doesn’t mean I forgot what it feels like to be a child or a teenager. Growing up, I’ve had my fair share of crushes on adults. It’s a normal thing children do. It’s responsibility of the adult to put at end to it before it even starts. I have never acted on my crushes, but I like to think that, if I did, those adults were decent enough to turn me down. And if I somehow learned, knowing what I know now, they would have encouraged me, abused my naivety and their power over me, I would never, ever, view them the same again.

And if somewhere along this little exercise you clung to the “Feudal Era” excuse, just know that:

a) this never stopped manga!Kagome from calling out Miroku’s advances with a Feudal Era child.

b) the impressionable kids watching the show sure as hell are from this era so I think it’s a good idea to show them it wasn’t okay then and it isn’t okay now.

c) in a show with demons, time-traveling wells, wish granting pearls and a girl who still manages to graduate even though she missed like, half of her classes, you really want to make this ship happen because you want it to be... realistic?

Before I go, one last thing to ask yourself: if this pairing becomes “canon”, with all the implications it carries... who are the people Sunrise is actually catering to?

[thetrashthatsmilesback]

I’ve never actually talked about the Bakugou Mitsuki thing...

“So like, I’ve been following BNHA casually for years. I never really tend to mention anime even though its a special interest of mine and has been for years, so I didn’t talk about this at the height of the “is Mitsuki a bad parent” debate, but frankly I have opinions on this and they can be summed up with: people on both sides are all partially correct, so lets get into it. (under the cut)

The TL;DR:

Even if what Mitsuki does/how she acts cannot be classified as abuse, it is still toxic and would be harmful/traumatizing to have a child around

Mitsuki does clearly love Katsuki from what we can see in her words, but that doesn’t excuse and toxic/abusive behaviors displayed

Katsuki’s behavior aligns perfectly with exact outcomes that clinical findings have found are common in those who were raised with corporal punishment

Even if corporal punishment does not meet the qualifications for abuse, it is directly linked to aggression, mood disorders, and personality disorders

Mitsuki’s treatment instilled Katsuki’s ideas of societal placements

Mitsuki’s yelling at her husband and use of violence (hitting, yelling, breaking tables) is clearly an attitude that Katsuki picked up and would be harmful/traumatizing for a child even if it isn’t deemed abusive

I’m going to start this off by just saying that A) saying the series already has an abusive parent in Endeavor is one of the weakest excuses I’ve ever seen for why Mitsuki can’t be interpreted as abusive/toxic and I will not be comparing them and B) the way the Todoroki family was handled also wasn’t great, so that’s not even a good argument (oops)

So the debate started primarily because of her hitting him and victim blaming, but the victim blaming could be a translation issue so I will not be addressing that. Frankly, while there is evidence that corporeal punishment should not be used on children as it can lead to problems later in life, I don’t believe it is enough to constitute abuse. This is where the people who see her as not abusive are correct - its not a good form of punishment, but it isn’t necessarily abuse. Where I actually believe an opinion can be formed is in chapter 207 where we’re shown his actual family dynamics.

I’m going to preface this by saying that just because something is a joke doesn’t mean that it can’t provide actual insight into a situation. The three strips were meant to double as both jokes, and a glimpse at what Katsuki’s home life is actually like. And, in my opinion, its at the very least toxic if not fully abusive.

Mitsuki screaming at her husband is a toxic way to communicate. I get that yelling is the “Bakugou Thing” and its supposed to be funny, but it does set a precedent for exactly how the household operates. Masaru is bullied into submission by his wife (as we see in the third strip with “so you just weren’t able to reject her/you weren’t able to say no” based on the translation), and his wife and son both go at each other aggressively. I actually wanted to bring attention to the “Big Mother Crush” in “Argument.” Katsuki is blowing up the walls, and Mitsuki is breaking the coffee table. Now, Katsuki is a violent 16 year old with a dangerous quirk, so obviously someone needs to make sure he doesn’t harm himself or others, but that isn’t what Mitsuki is doing. She isn’t making any moves to deescalate the situation, and Masaru is hiding behind the couch, so he too is clearly making no effort to attempt to deescalate or calm down his child or wife.

The fact that Mitsuki has a name for the move where she breaks a solid wood coffee table leads me to believe that this is a common occurrence, or at least one that has happened at least one time prior. This puts Katsuki saying “I was raised with violence” and “knowing his place” into a different light as he didn’t always have the level of power he now does. If Mitsuki’s anger problems always led to such violence, then yeah, a small kid could be frightened by this. Maybe its not abusive since she didn’t throw him into the table, but it can certainly be traumatizing to a child.

And that brings me to the next point. Bakugou has a level of distrust in people that is not normal for his age. I don’t just mean at UA, I specifically mean the infamous bridge/log scene. A normal four/five year old would not assume that Help = Being Looked Down Upon. That isn’t a reaction that a healthy child would have.

So, back to the “is she abusive?” point. In my opinion, it doesn’t really matter what the answer to that question is, because no matter what she does to Katsuki himself, it is still an extremely toxic environment to be in. Speaking from experience, even if physically nothing is happening, living in a space with someone who could explode into anger at any second is terrifying, especially if you’re a little kid. I don’t doubt she loves Katsuki. I don’t doubt that she cares deeply for him, and that she did have a hard time with him because yeah, he’s a difficult kid with a quirk that could cause severe damage. However, I also understand that things don’t exist in a vacuum.

The Bakugou family dynamic is obvious: Mitsuki is at the top, then Katsuki, then Masaru (though it could be Masaru then Katsuki. I don’t think I’ve seen enough to note the order for sure). Then, in the Licensing Classes Bakugou mentions that there must be a hierarchy and they have to use violence to change the pecking order, and suddenly his treatment of Izuku makes more sense. He saw Izuku as below him in hierarchy, having been raised in a house where the parents were not equals, and tried to reinforce it how his mother reinforces his father’s place. (This does NOT excuse his actions. Bakugou is my favorite character after Shinso, but I will never excuse his bullying of Izuku. I just like to try and find explanations for things).

Then we see his mother dealing with her stress over his kidnapping by hitting him, her anger as his outbursts by breaking a table, and her frustration at her husband’s mumbling by screaming at him: these are all reactions Katsuki also displays in response to frustration, stress, and anger. It puts the line “I was raised with violence” into perspective because, from what we’re shown, he was taught that all emotions can be solved by reinforcing the hierarchy or by being so loud/violent that it gets pushed away. Emotions other than rage don’t fix anything in his eyes because that’s how his household works.

Encouraging beating children because it’s “How He Was Raised”: this is an interesting point that I actually think about a lot because its such a common thought process. Like “I was spanked as a kid and turned out fine!” You Want To Hit Children Jim. You Clearly Have Some Problems Stemming From It. Now, again, I am not saying that spankings are the same as abuse, because they’re not exactly the same, but they are harmful, and are often justified in ways similar to abuse tactics. “““Punishments”“““ like getting hit with a wooden spoon or spanked are incredibly common, but like, most of the time what is the actual lesson taught. Most people assume its “act that way again and you’ll be hurt,” but if the child doesn’t fully know why what they did is wrong, then it is pointless. Instead the example being set is “you made me angry, so I am going to hurt you in return,” and this aligns exactly with what we see in Katsuki. Ignoring all other moral implications to get back to my meta, we see, explicitly, that Katsuki’s solution to most perceived wrongings is to attack. Frankly, I see my younger self in this a lot.

When a kid is spanked, or hit with a spoon/belt, the reasoning is almost always “if you hadn’t done X I wouldn’t have hurt you,” many times not explaining why exactly X is wrong. This is the problem with corporal punishment. These articles can be read for more information on the exact problems with Corporal Punishment, but the long story short is that Katsuki’s actions align perfectly with someone who not only experienced it, but experienced it without any explanations behind the ““““punishments.”“““ (long story short: don’t fucking hit kids Jesus). X X X X X The most important quotes from them are:

“it can lead to bullying, drug violence, and other problem behaviors that rely on having power over someone else.”

“Ten of the associations were negative such as increased child aggression and antisocial behavior.”

“I was very surprised to find that corporal punishment affects the same brain areas that are affected by severe physical and sexual abuse... the magnitude was lower, but to see that spanking impacts a child’s brain development in the same way was a big surprise.”

“Children who were physically punished were more likely to endorse hitting as a means of resolving their conflicts with peers and siblings”

“Harsh physical punishment in the absence of child mistreatment is associated with mood disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse/dependence, and personality disorders in a general population sample.”

I actually want to draw attention to this particular quote --> they have the phrase “in the absence of child mistreatment” so as to clearly state that these are results of Corporal Punishment that were not classified as abuse cases.

I am going to at some people who might be able to spread this a bit and are blogs I look up to. If any of them want me to untag them I will right away!

@here-to-protect-my-son​ @fuckendeavorandmitsuki​ @evilkitten3​

[everseeking]

hi!! i just got done reading ur dating headcannon for armin and was wondering if you could do the same for levi? thank u <3

- hello !! thank you so much for requesting i appreciate it a ton ! i’m so glad you asked for levi, i’ve been waiting to do his headcanons. hope i can do the little big man justice :)

levi ackerman dating headcanons

- levi ackerman x reader

- this man cares about you SO much

- a lot of people are kind of scared of the infamous captain, but you get to see the real him

- he doesn't drastically change around you or anything. he still makes is awful jokes about shit and butts of course, but you find him to be endearing

- despite his busy schedule, his mind is always filled with thoughts of you

- he also makes sure to spend as much time with you as he can

- before you've permanently moved into his cabin, you definitely sneak into his room a lot

- when he hears your "special knock," as you call it, he rolls his eyes and walks over to let you in

- he's just being dramatic btw. he's been expecting you all night and wants nothing more than your presence

- during your waking hours, you're often times the one to initiate cuddles

- he tells you that he's supposed to meet with erwin but as he's walking by you to leave, you grab his arm and pull him onto you in the small sofa in his quarters

- he complains for a moment that he has somewhere to be, but he makes no efforts to get off of you

- if anything, he relaxes himself, letting the side of his head lay against your chest as he listens to your heartbeat, as well sneaking his arms underneath you so he can hold your torso

- this, combined with your fingers running through his hair, is enough to make him even forget who the commander was

- however, when it's time to go to sleep, he's the one to initiate cuddles

- he pulls you close to him and places his hand in your hair so he can hold your head close to him while the other arm wraps around your waist

- he loves holding you

- when he's not resting his head on your chest while you're holding each other, he likes to have you lower than him so he can rest his chin on the top of your head

- occasionally after a rough day (for him or you) he lets you hold him, but he prefers to hold you (although he can't deny that he feels a new sense of safety in your arms)

- alright now grab your favorite drink and meet him for tea time right now

- you can bring whatever beverage you’d like, but you need to take a moment to have a drink with him

- you learn how to brew his tea just the way he likes it

- this was the moment when he knew you were the one

- kidding, but he really appreciates this

- he learns how to help you with your favorite drink, whether it’s squeezing fruits for fresh juice, brewing the perfect cup of coffee, preparing you your own cup of tea, or even knowing your ideal temperature for a glass of water

- your relationship is founded on trust

- he's had some issues in the past, but the fact that he is able to trust you completely let's him know that you're his soulmate

- speaking of his past, you're also one of the few people he can open up to about that

- although your heart breaks with every word, you still listen deeply and offer him your unconditional love and support

- he of course does the same for you, no matter what kind of past you had

- he doesn't care about your height. like, at all.

- you could be a foot shorter than him, the same height, or two feet taller and he wouldn't care. he loves you for you

- the only time he gets insecure around you is when he sees how easily you're able to get along with everyone else

- it's not that he's jealous of anyone close to you, rather, he sees how much everyone loves you and wonders how that feels

- after seeing him a bit down, you pry into him and try to figure out what's wrong. after he hesitantly explains, you sigh and smile

- you assure him that he's perfect just the way he is and more people love him than he realizes

- something clicks in him and he realizes that he's happy with the way things are. after being reminded of how respected he is and how much people look up to him, he feels much better

- and it's all thanks to you

- not exactly the biggest on pda

- your relationship is kept somewhat of a secret for multiple reasons

- one being that this isn't exactly the time or place for lovey dovey relationship

- and two being that you don't need to announce your relationship to the world in order to be happy

- of course, once word gets out, everyone thinks you guys are super cute together and their respect and love for both of you grows even more

- everyone wonders how you got THE captain levi to open up enough, but they're extremely grateful that you did

- his demeanor doesn't change a ton now that the two of you are together, but it's clear that something is different about him

- a levi smile is rare, but since he met you, he's smiled more than he has in his entire life

- hanji teases both of you a lot, but thanks you for everything you've done for her friend

- she also likes to call herself you guys' third wheel

- it makes levi cringe when she calls herself that, but you think it's funny and tell him to lighten up

- you also have to tell him to go easy on eren a lot

- it may be a little funny watch him flinch when levi walks in the room, but you don't want him to traumatize the poor boy

- you also point out mikasa's evil eyes that fall on him when he does something to eren, reminding levi of her feelings for him which occasionally makes him lay off, but usually he doesn't care

- levi can be quite apathetic when it comes to hearing what others have to say, but you're the one exception

- he loves hearing you talk. getting a peak inside your beautiful mind, carried by your voice that he adores is pure serotonin for him

- on missions he's often warning you to be careful

- even if you aren't the reckless type, he always warns you before anything to watch yourself

- he doesn't really protect you because he knows you're capable of handling yourself, but if anything were to happen, he'd be the first one there

- after mission snuggles are an absolute must, of course

- when the long days are finally over, the comfort of each other's arms make it all worth it

- you feel honored to say that humanity's strongest soldier spends his nights in your arms

- (he thinks that's a bit cliché but you don't care. you love him way too much to not be prideful about it)

[condorclaw]

The different ways the DSMP characters reacted to Tommy’s return and what they dealt with in his absence

I've been thinking about today's stream (shock of the fucking century), and mmm let's just take a moment to highlight how interesting the reunions are between Tommy and the others (Sam, Jack, Tubbo, etc.) by looking at their reactions and how they felt when they heard about Tommy's death. (Note: I have not watched Ranboo or Jack's streams that take place after this one. This is only detailing the information that occurred in Tommy's stream.)

Tommy’s death impacted a lot of people, with them going through many different stages of grief and coming to a realization of their own in terms of how they viewed Tommy or the server in general. His death was sudden and gruesome, with Sam being the only one to witness the evidence, ending up leaving quite a few skeptical if he really did die.

Tommy was resurrected by Dream, and now has to deal with the reality that life was moving on, which he wanted to follow. He wanted to go back to the way how everybody treated him, but him returning is essentially a zombie to everybody else. There were many different reactions to this.

SAM

"H-How are you here...?"

Reaction: Upon hearing Tommy was still alive, Sam was frantic in getting him out, and after Tommy left the cell, Sam remained in shock, even as Tommy yelled at him. Despite not understanding what happened, Sam was willing to try and make Tommy as comfortable as possible, even putting away his sword upon Tommy's request. He remained soft-spoken throughout the process of getting Tommy out, allowing Tommy to yell and vent his heart out, even if the words were reminding Sam of his failure.

Before Tommy was found alive: Sam was the one probably most affected by Tommy's death. He was in an awful state of depression, causing his words to be softer and his actions were less calculated. Sam deeply blamed himself for Tommy's death, telling Ranboo about the extent it affected him, even implying that he would kill the one who set off the TNT, since it's what caused him to take precautions in the first place. San revealed he was tormented by Dream to both Ranboo and Foolish, with Dream laughing at Sam upon him finding Tommy's body, and demanding Sam to come into the cell so he could kill him too. Sam blamed himself for Hannah's corruption, thinking of himself as a coward for not going into the egg room due to his trauma.

TUBBO

"You're not real."

Reaction: Tubbo didn't see Tommy approach at first, since he was busy with his hotel. When Tommy startled him however, Tubbo backed away as fast as his could, breathing heavily as he tried to get his words out. Tubbo asked Tommy to pinch him to prove he was real, which Tommy did. As Tommy talks to Tubbo about what happened and how he's feeling, Tubbo tries to retain as much information as he can through the shock that Tommy was alive after another fatal incident. When Tommy asks if Tubbo can leave him alone as he processes things, Tubbo agrees to do so, but tries to secretly follow Tommy around, needing to make sure he's real.

Before Tommy was found alive: Tubbo had originally been in denial upon hearing Tommy was dead, being rather familiar with Tommy's previous assumed death. He continued to work on his hotel with Ranboo, his new husband that he got engaged to when Tommy was in prison, even adopting a son, Michael, with Ranboo. Aside from working on the hotel and spending time with Ranboo, Tubbo made it his mission to discover who planted the TNT, his denial beginning to fade as he accepted the loss of Tommy. He began to look for every possible solution, even going as far as to suspect things that are entirely unrelated to the cause. He built a memorial for Tommy outside Snowchester, building a bench, placing a jukebox, and making a prime log in his memory.

JACK

"Bigger elephant in the room, why are you alive!?"

Reaction: Jack had been working at his own hotel when Tommy came to see him. The shock from Jack was immediate, insisting that Tommy was still dead, and stating that he grieved for Tommy, so he can't be gone. He becomes so caught up in his rage, he reveals to Tommy that he had been trying to kill Tommy for months. Jack states that he went to hell, but becomes furious when Tommy fails to acknowledge it, and just brushes it off. He insists that he did everything better than Tommy ever could, and declares that he deserves to die.

Before Tommy was found alive: Jack was initially happy upon Tommy's death, declaring that he had won the fight against him. As time stretched on though, Jack began to lament over his and Tommy's shared history, realizing that Tommy was his closest friend on the sever, and that he had been angry due to believing that Tommy valued the discs above everything else. He decided to let go of his anger, and wanted to start all over again. With this mindset, he burned down his old house, and was the one who told several of the server members about Tommy's death, including Quackity and Ant.

CONNOR

"I just got this house, like, two days ago."

Reaction: When Tommy entered his house, Connor was scared, seeing Tommy as a ghost and hitting him, which triggered Tommy. Realizing that Tommy was alive, Connor asked if this meant he had to move back into Ninja's house, and showed Tommy his diary, with the third page sharing that he missed Tommy. Because Connor was the only one treating him like he always had, Tommy told Connor about how touch triggered him. He tells Connor about what happened, which allows Connor to express his feelings of wanting to improve the prison system. He patiently listens to Tommy talk, not asking Tommy about what happened after Tommy shares his discomfort in talking about it. Before the two separate, Connor says they can talk about the system when Tommy's feeling better.

Before Tommy was found alive (note: I haven't watched the stream yet, so I'll be describing past moments from their relationship): Connor has always had an interesting relationship with Tommy, the two being on rather neutral terms with some sort of understanding between them. Connor and Tommy had conflict at the beginning, but there was care shown between them. Even after Tommy and Technoblade kidnapped and traumatized him, Connor expressed that he didn't feel like Tommy was bad, just conflicted. He was one of the few adults who didn't believe that Tommy should be punished for things he couldn't control. Despite their bickering and occasional frustration towards each other, Connor does see Tommy as just a kid who got caught up in something, and Tommy does care about Connor as a friend.

RANBOO

"You're, uh... You're here! Wow! That's, uh, that's cool."

Reaction: Upon Ranboo and Tommy seeing each other, they both stared in silence at first, even when Tubbo went to slightly hide behind Ranboo. Ranboo tried to initiate casual conversation with Tommy while trying to process his return, asking Tommy how he's been. The conversation would occasionally get interrupted as Tubbo tried to make little advances towards Ranboo, making him amused. Ranboo tried to ask Tommy about how he was alive, and tells Tommy how he learned about his death through Sam. Tommy expressed his discomfort, frustratedly asking Ranboo if Tubbo was now his new best friend. Ranboo tried to give Tommy an allium flower, but Tommy immediately burned it out of frustration, stunning Ranboo a bit. Tommy leaves after saying he's uncomfortable, leaving Ranboo behind as Tubbo continues on to follow Tommy.

Before Tommy was found alive: Tommy's death affected Ranboo greatly, making him question the morality of everybody around him, leading him to lash out at Sam for allowing Tommy to go anywhere near Dream, and making Ranboo believe that people were only sad about Tommy because he was dead. Ranboo especially reflected on his first meeting with Tommy, thinking about how he threw away the allium flower Ranboo had given him. Later he realized that Tommy had never thrown it away, and understands that Tommy did actually care about him. Ranboo thinks of himself as responsible for Tommy's exile, and has to juggle with these thoughts alongside keeping his new alliance from discovering his secret husband and son. Ranboo became very protective of Tubbo and Michael, helping Tubbo deal with his grief and conveying that Michael was the only constant happiness he has in his life.

QUACKITY

"T-Tommy! Welcome back, Tommy!"

Reaction: When Tommy approached him, Quackity had stepped back, believing that it was somebody else in a Tommy costume, and calling them horrible for wearing it. After he sees Tubbo watching Tommy closely, reality starts to settle in, and after Tommy talks about a specific experience he had with Quackity, Quackity becomes overjoyed at his return, telling Tommy about his business plan and becomes excited that Tommy will be able to see it. Quackity also asks about the revival book, which Tommy uncomfortably tells him about, recounting memories from his death. He says goodbye to Quackity after that, but before he leaves, Quackity gives Tommy a fish, joking that he "found Nemo". Before he leaves, he says the two should catch up sometime, and dashes away happily, with his last words being: "what the fuck, that green son of a b-".

Before Tommy was found alive: Quackity hadn't been seen much around the server, his last big interaction being with Jack when he learned about Tommy's death. Upon hearing that he died, Quackity tried to hide his feelings, insisting that the business came first, despite how sorrowful he sounded. Before that, Quackity had been a very positive figure in Tommy's life, willing to defend him against Dream's unfair rules and harsh actions. He had visited Tommy in exile, even becoming worried for his mental health at specific points. Quackity cares a lot for Tommy, and though he won't outright state it, he has a strong connection with him.

CONCLUSION

Everybody on the server has had different interactions with Tommy, and were all affected in different ways when he died. Upon him leaving the prison and turning up alive, they all had different reactions to his return, each relating to their own character and what they experienced while he was away. They all showed different kinds of headspaces, ranging from overjoyed to furious, and Tommy had his own thoughts on each of them as well.

TLDR: Everybody's interactions with Tommy made sense with their characters' histories with him, and all express different kinds of thoughts and reactions that people can go through.

Now let's get all these fuckers some therapy, let's fucking goooooo.

[darkenedreaper]

The Velvet Box

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: angst, lil fluff

A/n: requested by lovely @captain-josslett hope you enjoy honey

You and Natasha had been happily together for 2 years. The two of you had moved into a spare room within the compound. It was on the floor below her old room and it was on the same floor as your old room. Natasha was the happiest she’d been in a long time. The same for you.

After that extremely traumatic event that was your parents death, Natasha had become everything to you. You felt the desperate need to protect her, contrast to how you couldn’t protect your parents fro Hydra. The Avengers become your family. And you were deeply grateful.

Your shared room was simply decorated. There was some photos of the both of you and some of you and the Avengers scattered around the room. She had her own photo of you and her on her bedside table. It was a Polaroid, your arms were wrapped around her waist as she held the machine by her head with her hand, the other holding onto your wrist.

You and the Avengers had recently had a tough mission and had easily finished it. So Tony was holding a little dinner for all of you. Natasha had gotten ready putting on the finishing touches of her black dress, which ended just above her kneecaps. The straps of her dress left room to show off her collarbone and her shoes were black, only added to the beauty she had. Her red curls were perfectly draped over her back and arms and her mascara highlighted her eyes. You wore a black shirt that had 3 buttons open. Your shirt was tucked into your black pants and you wore a thin suit jacket over it. You had checked for the 100th time that the small velvet box was in your jacket pocket. And you made a mental note to not take it off. She came over and greeted you with a kiss on your cheek, raising her head slightly so she could reach you. You hadn’t worn a dress and you looked strong in that suit, which Natasha was fond off. But you still had that feminine shine. She linked your arm with yours and you left your room, lamp turned on to come back into after the small group party.

You had been gathered around the glass coffee table, Steve’s soft music was quietly playing on the speakers and you had made subtle eye contact with Clint and he knew it was time. He took away Steve, Bucky and Bruce. Which left Tony, Thor, Wanda and Vision. Tony got the hint and as you and Natasha were in conversation, Tony and Thor excused themselves as they were gently arguing over who had the best suit. Vision had left to go and make Wanda another cocktail and so Wanda rushes to his help, hoping to not have another incident in where the drink spilt all over the counter. They had given you space, far enough so you were basically alone but close enough that they could just catch what you were saying. You turned to Natasha catching her attention as her eyes stuck on yours and her lips turned up.

“Nat. You know how much I love you and, how much you mean to me. I’m not that good with words but, I.. I wanted to ask you something.”

She listened to you with confusion and then everything clicked into place once you had slipped off the sofa and onto one knee in the floor. She watched you take out a velvet box and she dreaded what came next. There it was. A silver white coloured ring with a diamond sitting on top of it. It was beautiful, yes.

“Will you marry me Natasha?”

You asked with a smile on your face. The team joe had their full attention on the both of you, smiled tugging at their lips aswell. Although your smile had started to die once she hadn’t spoken or did anything in 10 seconds. You tilted your head a little in question.

“Y/N.. no. I can’t.”

And she lifted herself up from the chair and simply brushed past you. The click of her heels had started to fade away and you began to feel... upset, like a fool. The team had watched her walk away and they turned back to you with sorrow looks on their face as they saw you still kneeling on the floor with no one in front of you.

“Well then..”

You whispered to yourself. You got up from the floor and sat down on the couch slowly, a million questions running through your mind. You had your head in your hand now. The ring was forgotten on the table, still closed now. Tony made his way over to you and sat down, he tucked his left hand under his jacket not wanting to show you his wedding ring as he knew that would pain you even more. He gently rubbed your back and whilst you had your eyes covered by tears and your hands, Steve took away the box and stuck it in his pocket. They didn’t do anything or say anything, all they could do was watch you. Wanda could hear your mind and heart breaking that made her frown. She could also hear the teams hearts breaking. You just decided to give the team a small smile, hiding your head as you made your way to your shared room. You opened it, not so surprised to see it empty, without her. Where you now single? What happens now? In hopes, you made your way to her old room and as soon as you reached it you knocked gently on the door.

“Natasha? Nat? Can we talk? Honey?”

She could hear your muffled pleads from outside the door, knowing you were leaning against it. But she decided to block it out and instead get undressed. Taking out her earrings that you had given to her for your 2 year anniversary. You decided to leave her, perhaps she would think things over.

You went to bed later on and cried. Cried without a shoulder to cry on.

It was now morning and you had gotten about all together, 13 minutes of sleep. You got up. Your hair was a mess, you had a T-shirt on and some sweatpants and socks. The team decided not to discuss what happened last night with either of you and instead Clint had breakfast. You slowly sat down at the kitchen counter and slumped over in your chair. You ran a hand in your hair and sighed. Clint slide your plate that had pancakes on that were shaped into a smiley face. You smiled back at him, satisfying him as he smiled warmly and turned back round to the pan. You soon pushed it away from you. Bruce and the News on tv had drowned out the possible awkward silence and your kindness nowhere except for when she walked in. You stood up from your chair and you hadn’t noticed Steve protectively standing behind you.

“Morning Nat.. can I err, can we talk?”

She had she gone deaf? You called out her name once more but you just watched her fill her cup up with coffee. She then walked past Steve and had taken a seat on the sofa in front of tv. You cautiously took only 3 steps in the direction she was sitting in and you called her name for the 3rd time.

“What?”

She said in a harsh tone without even looking your way. She was obviously ignoring you and it seemed like you got to her that much she eventually decided to answer you to get you to shut up.

“Can we talk?”

You said and your tone was a little more quieter.

“Nah.”

Nah. You hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast but suddenly you had energy. You nodded your head doing your best to not show your weakened face, even though she wasn’t looking at you. You made your way to the training room. They all couldn’t believe how she was acting. Like nothing had happened, like there wasn’t such a thing called a 2 year relationship between Y/N and Natasha. They had kept their mouths shut as they knew not to anger or disturb the Black Widow. Maybe Clint would try later, but not now.

2 hours you’d been in the training room. You had to re-wrap your knuckles another 2 times as you had gone that hard on the training back, the wrapping had dissolved away. Steve had been watching you long enough to know that you weren’t in the mind of you. He brought you in a sandwich he’d made and a bottle of water. He left it on the bench for you as he watched you once more with a sad frown before leaving you alone. After needing to wrap your knuckles for a third time, although it wasn’t doing to much to help as your knuckle skin was already broken. You grabbed the water, completely oblivious to the sandwiches.

It was later on now, getting to 11 o’clock at night and the team had done everything to drag you to bed but you locked the doors. Jarvis had then threatened to turn off the lights and he did, but you trained in the dark, only focused on the bag in front of you. Jarvis then talked literally into your ears until you were forced to leave. Your head and hair was drilling with sweat and you made your way up to Natashas floor. You needed a quick breather as you leaned your body against the corridor wall, taking some breathes before you weakly knocked on her door, arms hurting and knuckles bruised. You had knocked twice more and no answer.

So you made your way to what would now be your second room only the find half of it empty. Natasha had taken things from her bedside table, clothes from the wardrobe, her jewellery, make up, phone charger. Nearly everything. But she did an excellent job of leaving the pair of earrings you’d bought her. They were the same ones she was wearing the night you proposed to her. They were just sitting in the bed. But what hurt most was that the Polaroid of you and her was still on her bedside table, knocked over. She hadn’t taken it, probably not even acknowledged it. You were just still. Your face turned from a sad one to a neutral one and you grabbed a clean jacket and headed down to the ‘Mission Room’.

Bucky had to pull out of a mission because he had special plans with Steve and so you hoped that mission was still available as you’d take off in 10 minutes. And luckily it was. So off you went.

The night you decided to leave for the mission, had worried everybody. They were worried sick thinking you might’ve left or been kidnapped. Until Wanda had the gran idea of checking the mission file and sighs of relief had spread throughout the room seeing as you had checked out i the compound for the mission. Except for Natasha. She hadn’t even known that you were missing. At this point she literally blocked you from her mind.

It was about 2 months on now. You’d lost about 30 pounds. Your gym sessions were daily and lasted throughout the day. Every night you knocked on her door, got no answer. Then you would cry for about an hour and hate yourself for being so stupid and so unloveable. Throughout those months, the team had found that their mission had been completed, and that could’ve been 3 or 4 a day, adding up to a total of 30 missions a week. Your weight loss hadn’t gone unnoticed by the team. In fact, they tried to take you to Bruce’s lab and force feed you. Then tried taking you to a therapist, but you told them you’d eat if they let you go. You smiled every time but Steve could see right through it. They all could see your bloodshot eyes, bags under your eyes, bruised knuckles, clothes getting ridiculously big on you. So big, you had to have a new suit made for combat.

Wanda cried to Vision every night as your thoughts were too loud. She was crying because you were the opposite. You weren’t unloveable. You weren’t a fool. You weren’t a failure. But you were right about one thing. You were broken and slowly dying inside. Wanda was just lucky it was only her mind she could read and not your organs. You only ate every 4 days and that was maybe a cracker or two. The rest water, training, maybe sleeping. Clint provides you with many hugs and Tony would watch you whilst you were sleeping. He knew you weren’t you because as soon as you heard the door handle you used to sit up right away. Now you slept right though him stroking his hand through your hair. Steve was always protective and close to you as you just had a great and trustworthy connection with him. Natasha didn’t bother with you. You even sat down next to Natasha once when she was eating and she continued to take bites of her food and scrolled through her phone. Each night you’d find yourself sleeping in later, drinking more, losing more weight every day. Then it was team training day. Doctor Cho always stood on standby if anything serious happened. You were on the treadmill as usual but this time you just had to come off it earlier then usual. You tried walking around to get rid of the jelly legs and you tried to grab your water, but all you could see was 3 of everything. Bucky and Doctor Cho were studying you from a far and Thor had started to come over to you as he spotted your ghostly face and sweet beads a mile away. But you doubled over from a pounding headache and all Thor could see was what looked like your eyes shutting as you fell over on your side, body going limp. And everyone heard the thud on the hard floor as even Natasha turned her attention towards it. Thor had started shouting for Doctor Cho and the doctor called for medical assistant. Tony ran over and picked your head up from the floor and he placed it on his bent knees from sitting in the floor with you. He turned your head to the right so you were breathing properly and Natasha saw you. She froze. She actually froze. She was at first focused on your face, your cheekbones had stuck out, your eyelids looked raw red and the bags under your once beautiful eyes had turned purple, going darker and that horrible pale colour that washed over your face. Her eyes were then draw to how thin you were, and she saw him loose the t shirt you wore was, and then sweatpants were the same only baggier. They had to force you to sit up as you were still unconscious and she gasped when she saw your spine sticking through the t shirt and the distinct lines that represented your ribs. She placed a hand over her mouth and everything stopped. She realised what she’d done. How she’d broken you. How she abandoned you. How she left you alone to question if you weren’t good enough. She was then distracted by the team of doctors, 2 with a stretcher, that swarmed around and gently lifted you onto the moving bed. You now had an oxygen tank by your side and a mask on your face. Helen wanted to get an iv drip into you as soon as possible which is why you were rushed off so quick. All she could do was watch and the only part of her that could move were her eyes, desperately trying to see your face if your eyes were open yet.

Steve had stopped and looked at her watching before he quite rough ty shoved the velvet box into her hands. She didn’t dare open it. She just sat down on the training floor. Her thoughts were torn away from you as Clint practically stormed in to find her. His breath was rapid and his eyes were glossy. He stood above her with his hands on his hips.

“Do you know what you’ve done to her? Her organs are failing because of you! She thinks she’s unloveable, unwanted, a failure! Because. Of. You!”

He yelled at her. She could just watch him rant as she didn’t realise that tears were filling up her eyes and she didn’t know that a few slipped out. He soon softened and he sighed before having nothing left to say but he did look sympathetic towards her. He soon left her to return back to you.

As he returned to the room where the Avengers where he took a seat. You had multiple wires and lifelines hooked up to you. You had to have 2 more blankets placed over you as your body temperature was dropping. Thor sadly placed his cape over you. Steve was looking down, Wanda was trying to read your mind, Vision had his arm around her, Bruce was constantly checking your decreasing vitals. Tony was crying silently, the evidence staining his beard. And he was looking at your hand, wanting to hold it. Bucky looked at your face, then your finger and thinking how if she wasn’t so cold to you, within a year you could’ve been wearing a ring there aswell. To Bucky you looked like him when he was caged up which is why he had to leave the room, maybe to go and spend some time in your room. Heading out the door he bumped into Natasha who seemed frantic to get in there. He stopped to say something but she barged past until she saw your figure lying there.

Clint nodded to the rest of the gang for them all to clear out as she couldn’t take her eyes off of you. It could’ve been the disruption, it could’ve been the loud footsteps, noises of the chairs scraping but whatever it was, stopped your heart. Everyone’s heads turned to you and Natasha practically screamed for a nurse.

Tony was immediately by your side holding it as Thor was trying to pull him away as he was getting upset himself.

Helen and nurses came rushing in as they started to work on your body. Natasha refuses to leave and so she was allowed by your side. She did what she had to do and took out the velvet box, looked at the beautiful shining ring and placed it on her finger.

“Y/N. Y/N look. Open your eyes your ring is on my finger. Y/N I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry please!”

Helen had now started manual resuscitation as the team outside weren’t doing a good job of holding it together. Natasha had started to sob as suddenly there was a faint beep on the machine. And another. Another. You were back. She had dropped her head in relief and she begged you to open your eyes, much like you had begged her to open the door. They all heard a groan from you and Natasha lifted up her head and the Avengers were all crammed next to each other looking in through the window. Your eyes were slowly opening and you turned your head to see a green eyed beauty crying. She took a look at you and dropped her head down again in shame.

But that shame was replaced with hope as she felt a light squeeze in her hand that was yours. She grabbed yours with both hands. You couldn’t really talk with the mask over your nose and mouth and your mouth being extremely dry. So you used your other hand to point to it. All she could do was nod her head.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I don’t know why I refused you and.. and put my walls up when I’m this vulnerable around you. Please.. please don’t leave me.”

You gave her a slight nod from your head and a tired smile and she knew what that was. She dried her tears but was still sniffling and now smiling. And then you turned your head to see a bunch of Avengers smiling back at you, some sounds of ‘awes’ coming from them.

@natasha-danvers @imnotasuperhero @aaron-despair @confusinggemini612 @thewidowsghost @ecruzsalaz @fcbarcelona-and-marvel-4-life @gaytrashgoblin @capmarvelq @nat-romanoffdanvers @lesbian-x-blackwidow @emilyprentisswife @captain-josslett @oblivious-horny-lesbian @trikruismybitch @summergeezburr @username23345

[erene]

welcome to my fears

‏The idea of expressing who I really am today is scary . And that's why I'm here : to share my biggest fears one stitch at the time . I'm taking the first step towards accepting challenging situations that I went through and finding the courage to face each of my difficult feelings and emotions instead of avoiding them , as I did for so long . Developing psychological flexibility is essential to make my mind a pleasant place to be . I am committed to facing my ghosts in this world , at my own pace and time , strengthening myself through the courage it takes to be vulnerable . After all , vulnerability is what makes us human

As a Muslim, I grew up with the idea that all sins have the same weight when it comes to salvation, and that I should seek perfection, just to prevent my poor soul from burning in hell. This thought, added to other traumatic experiences I had, led me to an exhaustive search for perfection in all aspects of my life, blinding me from the beauty that exists in being imperfect. I know when to free myself from the fear of making mistakes and to see imperfection as freedom. After all, In 18:29, Allah also says: “The truth is from your Lord; so let him who please believe and let him who please disbelieve.” Freedom of religion is a person's own concern, and therefore, there is no need to force others in choosing the religion.

2 countries and 3 languages in a span of 3 years. That was just one of the many changes that I experienced. But more important than cultural changes, were the changes that I experienced on a personal level. From someone who hated cats to a feline lover and cat mom; From religion and skeptics; From a submissive woman to a third-wave feminist; From a person who was content with prompt responses to someone with critical thinking; From someone who used to hide to someone who seeks to position herself with assertiveness; From someone who only complied in silence to someone who wants to be respected in the same level that she respects; From a girl who was constantly struggling to have the minimum autonomy and freedom to a girl with the possibility of looking inside and knowing herself deeply. I am extremely privileged to be exactly where I am and to continue changing every day. I am not the same person I was yesterday, let alone 3 or 6 years ago! Changes are challenging and frightening. But getting out of my comfort zone was the best gift I have ever given myself and I don't want my fear of changes to paralyze me anymore.

Acceptance is not synonymous with resignation. It means that everything that happened to me in the past helped build who I am today. This simple observation, which seems so obvious, came only after much therapy and personal reflection. It took me a while to understand that it is useless to try to erase undesirable events of the past. The more I tried to ignore or avoid difficult thoughts and memories, the bigger and harder to deal with they became each time I had to face them. I recently realized that I have no control over the automatic memories and thoughts that come to the surface. But when I became aware of their existence, I allowed myself to stare at them, greet them kindly and let them go, instead of avoiding or ignoring them as I used to. This exercise allowed me to live in the present moment with less and less obstacles arising from past fears.

Some unpredictable situations and people who passed through my life made me believe that having absolute control over everything around me would help me prevent unpleasant and even tragic events. At the same time, it was a way I found to protect me from criticism and from an environment where everything I said / did not say, did / did not do could be used against me. I also believed that controlling everything would help me avoid doing the same task twice and be more productive. Needless to say, these beliefs enslaved me: situations and (especially) people can't be controlled. As a imperfectionist, I can say that my relationship with the "unknown" is a "work in progress". In hindsight, being and insecure and imperfectionist person brought me more good than bad. But, inexplicably, for a long time bad things weighed more than they should. It is still uncomfortable not to know, not to predict, not to guess. But I need to be brave enough to allow myself to be bad at something new every day and have the courage to be disliked too. My main goal is to deconstruct past beliefs until I get used to the unknown.

Being stuck in the past and afraid of the future: I would say that this is the recipe for anxiety. And being anxious, among many other things, prevented me from living in the present moment. I always had to make an immense effort to be really present, without distractions and without doing several things at the same time, to give exclusive attention to the sensation of being embodied in the present moment. When I learned about mindfulness I felt relived because I discovered that I was not the only one who felt that way. It was necessary to invent a word just to express the urgency to live in the present moment: Mindfulness, derived from the word in the Pali language meaning 'Awareness'. I still don't practice meditation regularly, but I had surprising experiences when I allowed myself to close my eyes, let go of control and focus on the immediate sensations I was feeling and that previously went unnoticed because they were fully automated. One of my resolutions for this year was to keep my past from paralyzing me in the present because I am afraid of the future. And this was my last embroidery in the "fears” compilation💓

[lunar-magnolia]

@honestlyshamelesscollector thank you for asking me this!! I'm really happy to share my thoughts, I hope to answer your questions in the best way possible akdjsk

I absolutely agree with you about Xie Lian. He does indeed grow a lot, even though he does so in a traumatic way.

***A little disclaimer: these are just my thoughts here, first impressions having read the novel once, plus watched the donghua and read the manhua a couple of times. I'm no expert at all, but I have lots of feelings about this akdjskfmf

**Putting a read more because long lmao

Young Xie Lian's dream was to become a god and save the common people. And present Xie Lian does it everyday, as much as he can. The biggest lesson he got growing up was probably the fact that he can't save everyone at the same time, but saving (or helping) even just one person was enough. He might be a god, but he is still one person. Having godly powers doesn't make him omniscient or give him the ability to suddenly work on a bigger scale than he could when he was human.

Book 4 in particular highlights just how much the present Xie Lian has changed from the Crown Prince that Pleased The Gods, filled with the idealism of a young man and maybe just a little bit spoiled, to the kind and humble Scrap Immortal that does everything in his power to help the people he comes across.

We see him starting to change as soon as book 2 though. When he tries to both save the Imperial Capital from being invaded and save the Yong'an people from the draught, it's the first time Xie Lian faces the limits of his godly status and power. He divides his time to keep it going for a bit, but in the end he's exhausted and overwhelmed, and he can't do it anymore. Even though he is a god. The inevitable consequences of his own actions and the fall of Xianle challenged his idealism and destroyed his heart so hard that he almost gave in and took his revenge on innocent people. But one person is enough, right?

One could argue that Xie Lian never really had it in him to do it, and I'd probably agree. The whole waiting for someone to help him before releasing the curse, and then trying to sacrifice himself when it eventually was too late to avoid it was enough of an indication for me. It only took the kindness of one person to make him change his heart. If he truly sought revenge, one person wouldn't have been enough. And damn if that didn't ruin Bai Wuxian's plans wonderfully lolll

Xie Lian knew in his heart that the people of Yong'an didn't deserve to pay the price for what happened to Xianle. Even though Bai Wuxian tried (and for a while succeeded) to make him believe it.

Straying from the path that Bai Wuxian wanted him to walk was not as easy as it seems. Bai Wuxian carefully paved all the paths for him, pushed Xie Lian in the directions he wanted him to go with the most violent methods I've ever seen, but Xie Lian always found a way to avoid it, also thanks to Hua Cheng's presence, even when he didn't know it was him (I have so many feelings about that imma cry skfjkefj). Hua Cheng always believed in him and knew what Xie Lian was truly capable of, and boy was he right gdi.

When Xie Lian went through the betrayal of Jun Wu, Hua Cheng's presence reminded him of who Xie Lian is and what he's become. The doubts Bai Wuxian put in his mind, the danger of the Human Face Desease threatening to be freed again, and the resolution to not give in into grief and pain and staying true to the person he had become were again overcome thanks to one person. Xie Lian could have never actually become what Bai Wuxian wanted him to, no matter what he threw at him.

In the end, Xie Lian learnt how to save the common people for real. And he realized that didn't have to do it alone! Instead, the common people themselves were part of the solution (the human array to contain the resentful spirits yknow). It does send an important message, and it's probably the most important thing that Xie Lian learnt: that one person alone cannot save all, if all don't want to be saved. It's a group effort, it takes time and heart and not everyone has it in their heart to risk their lives for the sake of others. Godly powers can only do so much, and a god cannot change fate from above. A god must instead support and protect the people, work with them, give them a boost, and in the end the people will save themselves.

It's a really nuanced and complicated process, I don't know how to explain it properly ajdkfjdl.

It's also worth mentioning that the relationship with Mu Qing and Feng Xin had all the potential to prevent much of what happened to Xie Lian. But just as Xie Lian was young and inexperienced, so were they. And despite all, until Xie Lian stopped thinking of them as servants, he couldn't grow. He had to lose them to truly understand the depth and worth of people believing in him. Which doesn't make it any less painful or sad... Things could have indeed gone differently, but the outcome would have never been the same. I'm glad in the end they kind of sorted it out though.

And the fact that Mu Qing and Feng Xin still cared for Xie Lian when he ascended for the third time was so evident in hindsight. Made me smile when I realized.

Also I liked that in the end Xie Lian didn't go rule the heavens or even go back to it, and instead stayed in the mortal realm to continue doing what he did for the past 800 years. Considering that young Xie Lian said clearly that he wanted to become a god, it's an important thing. It shows that in his mind the concept of gods and their role has changed, and he will stick to his new views despite the possibility of achieving what his young self wanted. Though this isn't just a consequence of book 5, it was shown even earlier when he first visited his palace in the heavens. Xie Lian didn't want to enter it, it made him uncomfortable, and instead sat outside waiting for Shi Qingxuan.

There are so many things to say about Xie Lian but idk if I have the competence to express them all akdjskfj I love his character to bits. His development was not banal in any way, and even though we didn't see all the 800 years it took for him to change, we do feel how gradual that was. Just think of when he met Banyue.

He was still a bit idealistic, telling her that his dream was to save the common people, but he already grew enough of a thick skin to understand when it was worth to pick a fight or not, and he wasn't picky on food (even cooking it himself in his helmet, with outrageous results). It might not seem much, but all things considered, it was a change.

In his first banishment he learnt how hard life was without his Crown Prince status, but he still picked fights with people and refused to eat some things because they weren't as high quality as the food he used to eat at the Royal Palace.

During his second banishment, he learnt to be humble and how problems couldn't be solved with just the right idea. He learnt the grayness of morality and life, how right and wrong are not absolute concepts. He experienced the worst fortune (by his own choice) and learnt how to not let it get to him, how to grow enough of a thick skin to get up each time and not take his frustration out on others.

Truly, Xie Lian is a great character. I have read the novel only one time so far, but I'm planning to reread it soon. So who knows, I might notice more things next time around! This was just my first impression Ahah

As for things I wish that were better explored in the story, I'd say Pei Ming's growth and maybe Ling Wen's motives (though I might have just blinked and missed this last part, because I was still reeling from the Black Water arc lmao).

About Pei Ming, I think he went through a considerable growth since the first time we see him, when he tries to save Little Pei from banishment. At first he gave me the impression of being the usual arrogant womanizer, who would do anything to avoid having his reputation tarnished. But blinking to book 5, we see that he's... Idk, it feels like he's taken that shameless arrogance and put it away, especially after interacting with the Rain Master. Their story is extremely important to his development imo. Their shared past held a place in his heart, and it resurfaced when he met the Rain Master again. I think he was deeply signed by her actions in the past, and he never forgot her.

It's shown when Pei Ming refuses to be saved by the Rain Master and refuses the sword she wants to give to her (which incidentally is the same sword that, yknow, she used to sacrifice herself in front of him back in the days). He says (or better, the people around him say) that it was out of pride, because he couldn't accept that a woman saved him. But he never confirmed or denied it, instead he ran after her "to help".

At the end of the story Pei Ming is not as loud and proud of his reputation as he was in the beginning, instead he seems humbled.

I think the Xuan Ji case also had an important role in his development. Considering how we see her dissolve having found peace after talking/fighting with Pei Ming during the Mount Tong'lu arc, I do think that Pei Ming himself must have reflected on himself a bit too.

He also lost his two best friends, Shi Wudu and Ling Wen, so... Yknow, my hualian ship captain must have had some changes.

Especially when it comes to the Rain Master, I feel there are good basis for a good friendship between them, despite the past. The Rain Master never showed open animosity towards him, instead she helped him. It seemed to me that Pei Ming is the one who believed she hated him, but it was never confirmed.

And maybe if you squint there could be more between them, if you're into that ahah. I wish we could have seen more of his grown version, though I do understand that it happened in the epilogue and the book is already as long as it can be ahaha. So really I'm not that sad it didn't happen, I'm happy that there are signs in the background that "hint" at that instead (if they can be considered hints, idk ahha).

About Ling Wen, ehhhh I want to reserve the right to reread and reconsider. Right now I feel like the Brocade Immortal thing was almost unnecessary? I like her background, how she became the biggest civil goddess of the heavens, but I didn't get why she created the brocade. Again though, I might just go back and reread that part later. Tbh I was reeling really hard after the Black Water arc, so I just blanked on some things akfjskf

Did the Brocade serve any purpose in the end? Aside from being the catalyst of Ling Wen's story arc and being one of the two mighty ghosts in Mount Tong'lu (and also giving that nice hualian scene where Hua Cheng was trying so hard to get kissies from Xie Lian ahaha). Idk, I'd like to hear your thoughts about this!!

I think I rambled enough, if you got to this point wow you're amazing! And thank you for going through this long rant Ahah. I hope it makes some sort of sense! Thank you again for the questions, talking about tgcf made me really happy!