#why should stuff work
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One of my instruments doesn’t work how it should so now i need to drive to my university to exchange it for a working one
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so i wrote a book that comes out soon and having that be real feels like falling down stairs because i wanted this since i was 7 years old so now what do i want after it.
so tell me why today all i care about is the word trundle, that the word trundle exists. of course i have things to do and emails to send and a world of suffering to protect but today my brain won't let me look away from the sheer linguistic improbability of trundle.
i saw a truck doing it. i imagine animals did it first. or people maybe. to trundle comes direct from old english. cows do it on occasion, but more often sheep (in my experience). someone had to name lope and someone had to name slog. the verbs to run and to leap make sense; they are singular and important distinguishers.
but we can bask rather than relax. we can scuttle rather than crawl. sometimes when i move in dance class it is to undulate rather than roll. someone had to name things like sonder and whimsy. of course we had words for tangible things like tree and grass and root. i love those words, i'm eating them.
i don't know the word for this thing. where it's real-now. sometimes i feel it when i am dating someone i actually like-and-love and i realize that is real, i am dating them and it's real that i like-and-love them. sometimes i have this feeling when i have been planning a vacation or an event for weeks-and-months and it finally happens - the feeling this is happening, it's happening right now.
it happens randomly sometimes too. i will be at the carnival or at an ice cream stand or with the last light of summer in my hair and i will feel it again, that sense - i have waited my whole life for this, and im finally experiencing it, and i need to pay attention to it.
but it's real! how amazing! how horribly tragic! it's real. it exists. the moment is here.
i have no idea what to do with it.
#link to book is first line#writeblr#i lost my car my phone my job my laptop#all in the span of 9 months#so no otherwise stuff isn't going well lol#luck seems to work like that for me#.... i have BIG luck.#i don't get to decide which side of luck i fall on#i am either STUPIDLY lucky. i mean should-have-died#or i am STUPIDLY unlucky. i mean. my phone saw the ocean jumped out of girlpockets . and took a dive#PS updated the link idk why it didn't work sorry!!
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Do yourself a favor and go read the entire fanfic work of @fanfoolishness
(In order: Under sun and shade, Blind Side, and Breathless (patching up is one of my fav too, I just had no cool sketch idea for it)
#star wars#star wars the bad batch#the bad batch fanart#tbb fanart#tbb fanfiction#dumping my “fanfic_doodles.clip” file here literally#sorry the style is messy#now I see them all Im like “ok it's all over the place zero/100 aesthetically pleasuring post”#hhhh its the thought that counts?#And tbh the point is just to convince you to read theses#because I'm like OBSSEEESSED with theses since you appeared in my notes#Every fic is gold#Me baiting my followers with pretty enough pictures to read fanfics#this being said I should really take the time to color properly my stuff#but I don't liiiiiiiiike it#there is tons of more talented artists if people want colored beautiful amazing art#me I can't really make my “”“spontaneous”“” “”“doodles”“” pretty without trying hard and at the end it's meh#They're so flat too#yesterday I was like “oh my scenes are becoming less flat I improved maybe”#Then I scrolled on my storyboard insta and was like#yeah sure no#I'm still faaaaaar away from the industry standards#I studied like at three arts school and I'm still bad at drawing TAT#why is my brain not working v_v#look brain I'm showing you nice pictures learn from them#brain: no Im gonna overfixate on this left hand here and only this#anyway
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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))
#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to#sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now#yay? i guess#also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious#also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now#bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree#but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow#now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should#not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually#super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta#just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year#ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr#studyspo#bookblr#booklr#study#november 2024#2024
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I have finished The Angst Version™~ (of chapter 50 of The Harrowing by @chthonion >:D) The bonus chapter added some stuff/re-inspired me, which is all to the good imo~ gotta get that Maximum Angst Factor AMMIRIGHT?? >:D (also. Mostly paraphrasing stuff just so you're aware~)


Then we got some of the conversation~ (without dialogue, 'cause a picture tells a thousand words~ >:D)



Then a sketch that was completely inspired by the bonus chapter-

It's not as 'polished' as the other ones, I just had thoughts about that tidbit and decided I absolutely had to mention it- so it got a drawing to match. :D
And finally, because I don't want to end this on too depressing a note-


:')
I'm not crying, you are.
My personal favourites include Extra Angry Maedhros + hands over the face Annatar, - then- actually. y'know what? I can't pick favourites. I like them all too much to do that. But that was the 'segment' that I experimented on - to try and convey the emotions through how chaotic/forceful the lines were, and it worked exactly how I wanted it to. Which is very satisfying.
>:D
(also, I don't think Maedhros was quite that visibly angry in the actual chapter, but it's supposed to be a mix of that plus Annatar's perception of him/what made Annatar panic. Make of that what you will. Eheh. Eheh. Eheh. >:D)
#the harrowing#ANGST#MWAHAHAHAHAHA#*ahem.#The silmarillion#maedhros#annatar#fingon#sauron#SUFFERING#Fun fact. I listened to All the sad songs in the arcane season 2 soundtrack on repeat while making this#For the Vibes~ >:D#stuff like this is why I don't typically draw in public#because y'see.... the secret to drawing good expressions~#is to make said expressions while you're doing it. >:D#Or should I say-#I kinda do that when I draw without realising it a lot of the time#so I am choosing to believe it is an Artistic Skill™#Heh.#Anyone who saw me while I was drawing this would probably have been extremely concerned 😂#had to actively relax my shoulders after doing the 'Annatar practically in the fetal position' one#subconscious tensing up and all that (just stretched and yes. I can still kinda feel it 😂)#though typically once I realise I'm doing it then I will exaggerate it so I can 'feel' the pose I'm trying to draw#I really like the 'dripping' effect I did on maedhros tbh#it was kind of a last minute 'I have space that needs filling' decision#and it worked better than I thought it would#Finished all of these (apart from the first two) today#cause I know myself well enough to know I would get majorly distracted if I didn't.#And I have a LOT of assignments to get through this week 😅#(this was kind of procrastinating but like. I am not studying on a sunday unless I absolutely HAVE TO)
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weekly navel-gazing update: this week is most consequential event in long time. keyword search: "scared" "is it ok to be scared" "beaten and tortured by the ogre"




#old director of south asian studies just talked to me to let me know theyll be joining me to sit on my panel while i present two projects#in two days and intimated they could discuss supervising potential grad work or dissertations despite funding freezes#she is respected used to do the gender studies program coordinating too#and their TA PhD student super severe standoffish goth walked up to me in front of seminar to thank me for my portfolio of essays#on poverty homelessness and environmental stuff and said it was TOUCHING and i should be proud and shell also be attending#after the director of student research invited them#and research director happens to specialize in borderlands and caribbean and empire and she emailed me to say#she left me a signed copy of her book with a really lovely message#and a protein bar because she knows i have diabetes and other illnesses but bike like ten miles a day between work and school#and then she emailed me and offered car ride if i wanted#and i was touched and surprised and now im like uh oh this is important i guess#and like uh oh i really shouldve taken the week off work or something why am i working forty hours for this#well precarious rent i guess but still wish i hadnt spent past four months just going to retail job and had instead hung out more with#faculty and hope i didnt waste my chance to get to know them#also is im just going to wear that outfit to conference hope not perceived as too informal#no family whatsoever so there was no one like interested or checking in on me to like help me see that the developments were significant#a year ago i was nothing but nightshift retail with NO prospects and rapidly worsening health#and there wasnt even a glimmer of hope for possibility of positive social environment let alone school
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My roommates keep stealing my tools because they don't have any, so I'm curious
#random rose rambles#popular post#polls#tool box#tool set#adulting#it's just so weird to me#that my engineering roommates have ZERO tools between them#they keep stealing my stuff. which is fine#most of the stuff is for the good of the house. and i'm not using it 24/7 anyways#but one specifically was like 'why don't you have xyz? everyone should have that'#and I was like 'bro you don't have anything. what do you MEAN'#like I got a tool bag in high school#it's not the highest quality stuff but it all works
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Idk if this is a controversial take but I think you should be able to take a test to prove you have the relevant knowledge for a degree and if you pass the test, you get the degree. They do that for high school, why is college any different?
Like let's not kid ourselves, school is for credentials and literally everything that needs credentials that are entirely just 'do you have this core knowledge' can be dealt with this way. Anything that has practical elements can just have the practical elements as classes you can take piecemeal, like CPR training already is, and then you also have to pass a written test.
There's very little reason we need to stick people in a company town (university campus) and pay them in scrip (grades) and make them buy from the company store (tuition) other than to erect unnecessary and inhumane and unjust barriers to knowledge.
If four years of high school can be expressed in test form, then four years of university can too.
#being able to just take an exit exam and otherwise being left alone to study how and when and for how long i wanted#is the only way I finished high school at all#give me a book that has diagrams and exercises and units and chapters and quizzes and stuff#and i will learn ANYTHING#the fact that there AREN'T textbooks readily available on what i want to learn drives me INSANE#i literally spent YEARS of my life looking for a sewing textbook!#i found it BY CHANCE while looking at vintage patterns and seeing the name of it#but like... why can't you learn library science from a textbook#it seems to me you should just be able to take a test for that to prove you know what you need to know#and then if you do you get your degree#THAT'S HOW IT WORKS ANYWAYS???#my way is just FASTER and there's no BULLSHIT#you don't have to deal with PEOPLE my way
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Late-night scribbles. I woke up with a fever, sore throat, cold, and aching whole body.🤒🤧 I got some programs for the evening with some friends, but I had to cancel them. I spent most of the day crawling in my house, alternating sleeping and drawing. Fever, you won't have me ( don't do like me, please, I should probably rest more, but I'm stubborn).
#Yeaaaah fever day#Why don't have influence during a long week with a bank holiday?#I don't see the problem#Cause yes#My body do not decided to do that during workdays#Nope#Stuff myself with a lot of medicine#Still manage to draw#i have a problem#I fear to stop drawing even for a day#And this is not good#I should work on this#emmrich volkarin#characterdesign#datv fanart#dragon age veilguard#emmrich the necromancer#datv#da4 emmrich#datv emmrich#da4 fanart#da4#sensitive necromancer#emmrich portrait
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meant to work on literally anything but instead drew a dubiously shmibibically accurate angle Eduardo.. sure whatev
strange creature... strange weeping.. sad... grieving creature
idk why he's like that I just draw
#Any red fellows should look out for angry feathered flying 4 eyed objects they are highly aggressive#he would BITE if he had a mouth im sure..if he wasnt so busy weeping!!!#not sure what implications are made here...was he always this freak??? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why is he this freak???uhhn#deisgned him just ...cause i can really..fun :3#duinslop!!duin slop...#i hart u duinslop tag#ew eduardo#ome of these days ill work on my wips and stpp doodling new slop....#i cant! gage what people want from me but it really only maytrts so much cause at yhe wnd of the day i do what i want#anyways if you read tags uhhb...hi :) wave hello hi#using them to yap is very funny to me .... as far as wips go i still have my unfinished poweredd art...eduardos in that too so that's fun..#uhhh matt comic.....iykyk...uhhhh i wanna draw ellworld goils...was supposed to make hc sheets for tam n ell#other stuff.... loads of wips and so little time!#frankly im.noy convinced I won't just... never work on my wip slop...i make it crazy daunting for noe reason#which js crazy because it's all british wips... how is it so overwhelming its British people#that's as low stakes as it gets dawg.........im COOKED
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The Avengers being very surprised and a little annoyed that Thor has a whole hair care regimen that he insists he stick to because none of the products are available on earth so the lad keeps disappearing for days-long shopping runs when they need him to be around for missions too
#and thor never mentioned he wasnt taking magic space transport to go alone#so you can imagine how they feel when they realise thor has been perporting with evil loki to get around#as if the brothers should be getting their products together when they fight regularly#but hair care is just so important on asgard that thor would never imagine using the earth shampoo and conditioner#someone asks why loki doesnt magic up an alternative or use earth oil#and loki cringes because he has had ENOUGH faux stuff in his time off Asgard already#as if Thanos knew a THING about hair maintanence !!#in the end thor defends loki's initial invasion on the basis that if loki had an ally why was his hair so messed up#which isn't a good point but does lead up to the importance of how bad he looked back then#voila#now the avengers can work together to counter the sudden loss of a special hair care product because the elf supplier DIED !!!!!!!!!!!!!#avengers can and WILL be taken to another realm for this quest. invokuntarily
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derg
#wings of fire#mcsm#mcsm au#wof au#premaposting#i made these actually a long bit ago#except for jesse 2 thats recent#but the rest of them were from a good bit ago#i didnt want to post it idk why but i dont want it to rot in my folders either so im posting it#ok my thought process from these#i did a funny and made all of the jesses just mudwing sibs#the main one or first listed is acc the runt. thats why they look weird. theyre not fleshed out yet :(#second one is one of the only older siblings that are still around. the rest had separated for jobs and such#but she lingers around a bit. job-looking but occasionally is there to cheer her lil sib on and stuff#i didnt want the rest of them to be the same tribe or the same main tribe so i made axel a hivewing#skywing could work however i really really wanted petra to be a skywing#i chose hivewing also bc i wanted the ofts to match with them and i made magnus hivewing i think#ik ellegaard is a sandwing#thats why olivia is sand/night#i couldnt decide on whether to make either of them sand or night#so i made olivia both#petra skywing/seawing#i could not not give her seawing literal pirate motif#also smth smth earring is actually important and not really for show#then lukas silk/sand. debating on whether he should have fire be a flamesilk or have neither#a lot of these choices im still debating idk nightwing lukas would be cool#but i didnt want to choice obvi picks for everyone. tried to get a little creative#these tags are so long jsdnsjdnsjdsdkjsdkjsndsnd helppppp#update just realized i abbreviated the order as ofts instead of oots#smhhhhh im a fake fan
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The cutest reminder ever that the way family works in TSAMS canon is that two parties have to be in mutual agreement that they are family. If one party doesn't agree then they aren't family. Parties can revoke familial ties whenever they want and that means they are no longer family.
"Code Relation" theory is stupid because you're then implying that Eclipse is Sun and Moon's child. Which he isn't. Or that Killcode is somehow Moon's child and his brother at the same time that he's Eclipse, Lunar and Bloodmoon's "father" at the same time that they're Sun and Moon's grand children. Like, we're seeing the issue here, right?
Don't make things more complicated than it has to be. Just accept the fact that family is literally determined by a verbal agreement between two animatronics and nothing else because none of them were born from wombs. That means respecting canon when characters in canon decide that they aren't comfortable being family (like Eclipse) or just straight-up disown everyone (like Bloodmoon). It's okay to have headcanons, but don't try to push them onto canon.
#alex talks#tsams#tsams discourse#the sun and moon show#just respect canon#not everyone has to share your headcanon about how family should work#pushing headcanons onto people and claiming it's canon is rude#and really fucking gross too#let people enjoy canon without having headcanons that they don't like/agree with being shoved in their faces#istg if I see another argument as to why a harmless ship is “actually incest” because of “code relations” I'm going to scream#yes I am staring at the people who are making that claim about shadowplanet#code does not define family in this show have we not learned this already#if that were the case then most of the animatronics would be related because they were made by fazbear and that would be an issue#because a lot of them are dating like bros please open ur eyes and see how this stuff actually works in TSBS instead of#Pretending your headcanons are canon#again#it's fine to have family headcanons and the code relation headcanon but don't push it onto canon#that's so rude and annoying#also do you really think the VAs would joke about shadowplanet if they thought it was somehow incest#in any way shape or form#family doesn't work by “relations” it works by agreement#Solar wasn't family until he agreed to be family#and even then he was like “yeah a distant cousin or smth idk”#idk now I'm just#alex screams into the void#yeah#pop off king
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Why does Ren have 4 ears? Are they all real or is one set fake?
Hehe I’ve gotten this question a lot actually! They’re all real— I like to think hybridization isn’t always a clean balance of traits, so Ren just unfortunately ended up with two sets of ears— his Dog ears being much more receptive to sound, naturally— and sometimes when the extra intake of sound is too overwhelming, I imagine he wears earplugs in his human ears to help adjust :> it’s a bit weird, but idk! i like to make designs funky and nonconventional! I liked the idea that Ren had hearing struggles due to wonky hybridization and just kept the concept :>
#dbhc#dbhc ask#ask#anon#dbhc ren#renthedog#dbhc doc#since I talk about him in the tags FGBJCGHN#it’s another one of those situations where I drew it that way when I was younger because I didn’t really understand why ppl were drawing#hybrids with flat spaces where human ears should go and have dog ears on the top of the head— I couldn’t figure out anatomically#it makes more sense to me now since animals are literally like that but it’s just something I kept doing and came up with a better#reason for it later once I had a better understanding of stuff#I don’t necessarily think two sets of ears is logically more sound than reworking the anatomy of a human head to have ears on top but!#it’s really not that deep LMAO#I like the idea of hybridizations being wonky because weird stuff physically happens to people all the time#hybrid or not#and then we gotta deal with the physical consequences of stuff we were born with… yknow#ANYWAY WHAT A WEIRD RAMBLE#tldr funky hybrid who now has hearing problems/gets overwhelmed easily by sound. ren the dog I love you#and if you were to look into my soul you would find that I also think dbhc doc helped him craft earbuds using android tech to work perfectly#to tune out the sounds he needs#:3 because they are friends and I think doc should use his expertise to help make life easier for ren#I’M STILL RAMBLING!!!#good grief
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wip
#world of warcraft#anduin wrynn#its a wip but i dunno when ill finish it cuz i got other stuff to work on and im so tired#my pen broke then my pc broke and those got fixed and now my cat is fucking broke why he do that#my favorite flavor of art is mentally ill artist expressing all their raw emotions in a messy piece about The Thing they love and#if thats the art you want to make then i want to see it please#it means the world to me to see others who understand me in that way#sometimes im afraid it's cringe and stupid but then someone leaves a nice tag or comment and i think#its all worth it for that#aNYWAY im pretty happy with how cataAnduin looks the rest of them look a lil wonky tho#also unsure if the dark stain should be completely dark or if i should leave the slightest hint of an eye
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may i present to you: sister karkat and father david. phavekat real
#me and one other person care about this and i do it for Us.#no im still not drawing actual phanart#yes i drew phil wearing the oncelers outfit with eridans horns and cape yesterday#yes i’m coping with life just fine why do you ask#art2 and craft2#davekat#phavekat#(no one is using this tag other than me let’s be so fr)#dave strider#karkat vantas#phomestuck#phomestucks where are you please i can’t do this alone anymore (oomf is sleeping rn so he’s not replying)#i’m not tagging dnp stuff i can’t do that to yall im so sorry#also sorry to the phannies that follow me i’ll probably do more phanart eventually even if im not watching them rn#i spent the entirety of last year learning how to draw them so i should probably not throw that effort away#however in the meanwhile whilst i’m still processing how i feel abt them yall get phavekat#… i completely understand if you must unfollow#what other tags do i use god i never even know if they work#uhhhhh#homestuck fanart#?#hs fanart#anyway daily reminder that daniel howell and philip lester are valid troll names
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