#will include my thoughts on a separate post

[mortal-ethos]

HC’s for Celine and Rumi pre- and post-movie?

Hi Anon! You're my first ask so thank you! So exciting!

Pre-Movie

- Rumi used to be really cuddly and clingy as a kid but due to Celine's attitude towards her patterns, I think it probably would've been around puberty (a shameful time for all of us) when they started growing and she started to distance herself.

- Rumi never had a rebellious phase. 1. Celine would never allow that (she missed the memo on what a "rebellious phase" was) and 2. Was very sheltered so she never even knew rebelling was a thing kids did. She just thought it was one of those things that only exist in movies

- Teen Rumi got a very clinical version of the "talk" from a very unaware closeted lesbian, so it wasn't awkward. But young queer Rumi asking "well what if it's two girls?" Causes Celine to short circuit and end the lesson

- young Rumi loved tea parties and princess play, so Celine would work little kid PR training into it. Had a little 8 year old on her hands that could bring a politician to his knees with her diplomacy

- They were each other's best friends during Rumi's childhood, and even into her teen years as she started shutting herself off from everyone including Celine

- Celine never once made Rumi feel bad for her weight, her looks, her interests, none of it. It was just the patterns and all of the pressure of the Golden Honmoon, and I've compared Celine to Gwendolyn Clawthorne from The Owl House before. It was from a place of genuinely wanting to help but all she ever needed to do was love and accept that part of Rumi. She never thought there was anything wrong with Rumi, there was something wrong with the patterns, but she couldn't align in her mind how the two can't really be separated. So all of her attempts at "helping" Rumi ended up making her patterns grow and hurting her even more which we see in the movie (and when I say "just the patterns" that is not to diminish the trauma that feeling like a part of your DNA is inherently evil and predisposes you to evil causes, like wooo boy that's not fun)

- Celine started braiding Rumi's hair once it was long enough, a fun activity that kept Rumi still and content, and Rumi liked having hair like her mom, and Celine began looking forward to doing it every time. Rumi grew to feel like it was an expectation of her to keep the braid so she did, even if she didn't feel like it was her that much anymore

- Celine never needed to raise her voice to Rumi, the girl folds under a harsh or disappointed glare like paper, but she also never really did much to warrant disciplining

Post-movie

- Directly after the movie, she is blowing Bobby's phone the fuck up. She's worried sick (no like actually, she has been in her bathroom for hours), and already working with him on damage control, making sure that any injured fans are taken care of, and most importantly that all three of the girls are okay. She keeps texting him every fifteen minutes (she times it) to make sure the girls are okay and he asks wonders why she doesn't just text them herself but hey, that's why he makes 3%

- When they finally meet again, it's because Rumi wanted to bring the girls and talk about everything. Rumi reached out first after about a month. She comes back with cut hair down to her shoulders (wrote a fic about that if you go to my AO3), and her shimmering patterns are still slightly purple. It starts out awkward, everyone standing in the garden by the Tree TM. And Celine is staring hard at Rumi's patterns, forcing herself to look at her, to see her. All of her. And she just starts crying the ugliest the girls have ever seen her cry, apologizing profusely on her hands and knees "nothing has ever made me happier than raising you, you are the brightest thing in my life and I'm so sorry I made you feel like you weren't, I have never ever been anything but so proud of you, of all of you. I love you girls more than anything and I'm so sorry I made you feel like you weren't" and yeah everyone's crying shit I'm crying thinking about it

- She tells Rumi she likes her new hair, seeing her for the girl she is and not the girl she felt she had to be

- Celine fully trusts the girls with the Honmoon, and will always be there to guide them but she gives up a lot of her Trainer and Mentor side of her to focus on being the Mom she should've been to the girls before, especially to Rumi

- She's very much the overbearing mom now, always checking in (are you eating? Drinking? Sunscreen? Did you make sure to bring a jacket?) she's always making desserts for the girls, bringing them home cooked meals sometimes and other days they go to her house for dinners, it's a little awkward at first because she is really trying and the girls kind of give her a talk about how she doesn't need to push herself. Imagine like trying to make a huge giant five course meal and everything goes wrong type of deal

- They all go to a film festival with Celine at some point and she is beaming, getting to spend time with them around a bunch of other people in the film industry and watching movies together

- She records a song with the girls, a feature that isn't mentioned and her verse is a surprise to fans. It's a song about the passing of time and telling the people you love that you love them while you can, it's called "Carpe Diem" (which I know sounds cheesy but like in my mind it goes hard)

Hope you liked these! Please anyone feel free to send me more asks!

[cloud-does-art]

UT spamtenna ("trash Heap" AU) headcanons

basically... my thoughts on this au! including some general worldbuilding notes. i'm nowhere near done writing this all out, but i wanted to go ahead and post since i can't get it off my mind. spamton especially hasn't had all the notes written out yet. more under the cut!!!! whateverrrr go my yaoi

GENERAL NOTES

they're both darkners still. most people assume they're monsters, though; in the underground, there aren't many darkners and most lightners aren't even aware of their existence.

unlike in DELTARUNE, darkners in the underground don't go into a state of dormancy during the daytime. this is because, well, it's always dark underground. there is no day/night cycle, only artificial light exists. darkners can still voluntarily 'hibernate' (aka revert to their object forms), but it's entirely their choice.

similarly, there is no distinction between the light world and the dark world (at least in the underground). there is only the light world, which contains both lightners and darkners (the distinction between the two races is that lightners are born naturally and darkners form from objects, like in DELTARUNE. the term 'lighters' encompasses both humans and monsters. darkners are not monsters, they are a separate race entirely.)

other darkners exist within the underground as well. most directly comparable to enemies or NPCs from DELTARUNE. a few notable ones correspond to main characters.

ribbicks and rabbicks live in the ruins.

ch4 enemies such as organikk, wicabel, and winglade also live in the ruins, though there's only a ffew of each.

shuttah is one of the cameras in mettaton's studio.

elnina and lanino work with mettaton behind the scenes, as do sweet, cap'n, and K_K.

rouxls, king, and lancer all live under the radar in HOME. jevil is somewhere. probably jail.

queen is still a computer… maybe even papyrus's computer???

TENNA

despite his worsening health, he's still quite physically strong and can move heavy objects well. can also run quite fast. spamton will often ride on his shoulders since it works better for the both of them, even though tenna detests it at times. spamton can act as tenna's eyes and tenna can act as spamton's legs

acts quite optimistic even as he's actively falling apart. he's deluding himself into thinking everything is fine because it's the only way he knows how to cope. "if i ignore the problem it will go away"

has to rely very heavily on spamton due to being disabled. there's a lot of things he physically can't do for himself + needs help with, especially repairs and basic self-care. if something happens to spamton he's ROYALLY fucked and he knows it. he's also dependent on him for emotional support since he doesn't really have anyone else

to that note, tenna is incredibly clingy, even more so than his DELTARUNE counterpart. he can hardly stand the feeling of being alone. when spamton has to run an errand of some sort without him, tenna often just sits there waiting for him to come back. think 'dog waiting near the door for 3 hours' type deal

has incredibly poor vision due to his cracked screen + the wiring/circuitry inside his head having sustained a fair amount of damage (primarily due to water). even if his screen is fixed eventually, he'd still have vision issues due to aforementioned water damage. he can make out colors and fuzzy shapes but other than that he's blind as a bat

should probably be using a cane but they can't exactly afford one so he kinda just bumps into stuff a lot. he doesn't really mind but spamton is trying to save up for a cane for him with their meager income. which is hard because they also need to like. eat

tenna keeps insisting to spamton that it's okay and that he can handle himself, but spamton worries about tenna having a fall or bumping into someting sharp. they don't exactly live in a very safe area (literally a garbage dump near the edge of a small drop…)

because of this he's very touch-oriented, in more ways than one. he likes physical contact + is very very touchy. fortunately for him, spamton tolerates this and actually enjoys the attention (though he'd hate to admit that)

also has bad hearing, though not nearly to the same level of bad(?) as his vision. again, water damage

very hard to wake up, mostly due to this. spamton often has to yell very loudly and/or (gently) smack the side of his head a couple times to get him to wake up

knows some basic sign language, like fingerspelling and a few basic words. it's not super useful to him though since he can't see well enough to make out precise finger movements. but spamton will often fingerspell into his hand as a means of 'whispering' + while they're laying in bed together. he can make out broader movements though, mostly ones that involve moving your entire arm, such as the sign for 'thank you'.

missing most of his left arm. it was hanging on by a thread for a while and finally snapped off one day due to rusting and just in general being damaged from an accident.

tenna's been taking that a lot rougher than his vision and hearing issues, not only due to the physical limitations but also because of worry about his appearance as well as fears that spamton may no longer "find him useful".

he tries to hide the stump as much as possible because it embarasses him (he sees it as a sign of weakess and "being less useful"). at the very least he always ties off the end of his jacket sleeve, and when the two of them venture out of waterfall, he often pulls on a old cloak on top of his regular clothes to make it harder for people to tell. it's still really obvious but don't tell him that or he'll cry lowkey

they still have the severed arm actually but it's broken and rusted so badly that there's little hope it can be repaired. it's mostly just tenna being afraid to let go. every time spamton tries to convince him to let them salvage a few parts from it for future repairs, tenna instantly shuts him down

his antennae are very expressive to the point where you can tell pretty much exactly what emotion he's feeling by looking at them. he's bad at hiding his feelings

absolutely LIVES to make people happy and see people smile. it gives him purpose and whenever he fails to cheer someone up (usually spamton) he feels quite poorly about it… however he's really good at making others feel better, actually, so that rarely happens.

very close with suzy. her parents are insanely neglectful so he's basically her dad.

they met when tenna found her wandering aimlessly near the echoflowers one day. he asked her where her parents were and she just didn't answer. tenna decided to stay with her that day to protect her- she's just a little kid, after all- and suzy very quickly bonded with him. both of them are attention-starved so having each other to play with, talk to, and cuddle is very cathartic for both, but especially for tenna. for once, he's the one who is needed, not the other way around (spamton could survive without tenna, but the opposite is not true).

suzy sneaks away from home to spend time with tenna. she has yet to be caught and her parents don't really even seem to notice. or, well… if they notice, they just don't care.

suzy very quickly picked up on tenna's disabilities + adjusted her behavior while around him to accomodate for that. things like a gentle tap to alert him of her presence, describing things to him verbally, speaking more loudly and clearly, etc. when she brings toys to play with, she tries to bring things that are more tactile and don't require two hands to play with, so that he doesn't "feel left out".

tenna makes her little trinkets out of scrap metal and such from the dump. they don't usually look like much since he's mostly going off of blurry shapes and colors but she treasures them dearly

"i've had suzy for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself" is the best way i know how to describe the intense parental instinct tenna is feeling towards her. plus, he's never had anyone rely on him in this way before and it feels good that someone looks up to him

does whatever suzy wants to do when they spend time together. she'll often ask him what he would want to do, but he deflects the question. he wants to make HER happy. his own needs take a backseat when he's with suzy (and spamton for that matter).

SPAMTON

spamton's mailbox 'ears' tilt up when happy or excited and droop when sad etc

very mildly farsighted (hence glasses) but it's basically nothing when compared to tennavision

suffered a bad leg injury from falling off one of the cliffs in snowdin forest one day on a delivery, leaving him with a permanent limp. which is part of why he lost his job actually. because he couldn't deliver as fast as he did previously, he fell victim to downsizing. he did get a small severance package but it wasn't long before he couldn't scrape together enough money for monthly rent. so he bit the bullet, took his few possessions with him, and struck out to look for somewhere he could find shelter outdoors. then he found tenna in waterfall.

upon intially meeting tenna, his first thought was to mug the guy, but he stopped himself once he realized tenna was disabled and didn't have much money to his name anyway. he does have SOME morals. stealing from an innocent blind guy is one of the few boundaries he won't cross. instead, he realized that tenna could be a useful "business partner"- and one that would be easy to convince to join him at that. tenna had even less than he did, and so spamton originally intended to manipulate him into doing things for him. it was immediately obvious to him that tenna would do anything for attention and love. …however, trying to manipulate the guy made him feel really guilty and he gave up on that idea after a few days.

it didn't take spamton long to fall for tenna. first in a friend sense, then in a romantic sense. he has a way of being unintentionally charming. he has pathetic wet dog rizz

initially was very much not used to physical contact, seeing as he lived alone for most of his life, so tenna being touchy and physically clingy with him was a bit unsettling at first. it wasn't long before he realized he liked it though

it generally doesn't hurt him too much to walk, he's just slower than he used to be. frustrates him to no end, but it doesn't start to HURT for a good while at least

his speech quirk still includes random interjections and tics, but he also often talks as though he's writing a letter. for example, many times to tenna, he'll start his senteneces with "Dear Cathode," and end his phrases with "Sincerely, Spamton."

spamton was slow to adjust to living with someone else, especially considering that said someone else is visually impaired. he generally has a very visually-oriented way of thinking (colors and patterns are very important to him, think marketing… he tries to make things eye-catching to get interest) so it was difficult for spamton to communicate with tenna at first with things such as asking him to do something, fetch something for him, etc. ESPECIALLY considering his speech quirk. "Tenna, can you get that red [unidentified object] over there?" and tenna just stares blankly at him until spamton corrects himself with something like "I mean the scrap metal next to the [chairs now 50% off!]."

[aidlyncanon]

Aiden Clark Analysis

Before I get into the analysis I wanted to state a few things/give an introduction to the post. Firstly, since we only have so much of Aiden's backstory and character, a lot of this is me taking implications and sharing my interpretation of it.

Since SBG is still ongoing I'll likely come back and edit this post every so often once season 3 comes out and as his character progresses. I'll obviously edit this when we get his backstory as currently all we have is theories/implications.

In the past I've incorporated relationships in these analyses but I intend on doing these entirely separately (however you can find links to these posts at the bottom of this post or on my masterlist and ill add them as I write them)

Things I found important to note

Aiden's ADHD (canon - Red)

Aiden being suicidal (canon - story)

Aiden's attachment issues (canon - Red)

Aiden's implied depression

Aiden's implied neglect

Aiden's lack of social skills & boundaries

Aiden's self hatred

canon - story = confirmed through the comic

canon - Red = confirmed by Red on insta

anything implied is my interpretation of things Red has stated and/or things hinted through the comic

Aiden & Psychopathy

Feel free to skip this portion but I really want to talk about this because this interpretation of Aiden's character always really annoyed me. Especially since it couldn't be farther from the truth.

I know most people probably aren't serious with these claims but I have seen people say that they truly believe he's a sociopath (also ASPD). Most of the time it's based in sterotypes which are not only incorrect, but are harmful.

The biggest reason people may mix these up is because Aiden has ADHD (& likely depression) two diagnoses that share signs.

*ASPD = Antisocial Personality Disorder (clinical diagnosis for sociopathy & psychopathy)

Signs of ASPD include:

Agression towards others

Reckless & Impulsive behaviour

Feelings of superiority

Manipulating or deceiving others

Lack of responsibility

Lack of remorse, regret, or concern for others

Reckless disregard for the safety of others or themselves

^ this isnt me claiming all people with aspd are inherently evil

Signs of ADHD:

Difficulty focusing

Restlessness

Talking a lot/Rambling

Impulsivety

Signs of Depression:

irritability

feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness

insomnia

tiredness/lack of energy

changing appetite

restlessness

feelings of worthlessness or guilt

trouble concentrating

reoccurring thoughts of death & suicide

Now let's delve into it briefly.

The ONLY signs of ASPD Aiden actually has are impulsivity and reckless disregard for the safety of himself (and occasionally others). However, those can be chalked up to his other diagnoses.

Impulsiveness -> His ADHD, I don't feel like I need to delve into that, it's self explanatory.

Reckless endangerment -> Aiden simply doesn't care about his wellbeing, he doesn't care what happens to him because he doesn't care if he lives or dies. These instances can often occur in those with depression.

It's basically the idea of "Oh, I'm not planning on killing myself, but if I did die I'd be okay with it."

I say "(and occasionally others)" while thinking of the scene where he's going to pull Tyler to the edge of the bridge. In no way would Aiden choose to go out of his way to intentionally hurt Tyler but in that moment he was making an impulsive decision (to which he thought about it and realized he didn't want to hurt him).

And that's my biggest indicator that Aiden isn't a psychopath, he FEELS remorse, he blames himself for getting Ashlyn hurt. He feels guilt, he's able to feel guilt. He also very obviously feels concern for people.

I've seen people say he struggles with empathy but in my mind it's most likely he'd just be the type to use cognitive empathy rather than emotional empathy.

Even so, you can also chalk that up to his lack of knowledge on social situations, which is due to him being mostly isolated his whole life.

Anyway there's my little rant now onto the ACTUAL analysis.

Diving into Aiden's Psychology & Neglect

Due to the nature of his parents' work, Aiden hopped from place to place his whole life. He never stayed anywhere for long, not bothering to so much as remember the city names since he knew he wouldn't be there long enough for it to matter.

A multitude of studies say that children who move around a lot become more likely to develop depression later in life. They also are more likely to have difficulty with social situations.

(Theory ->) From the looks of one of his childhood rooms, Aiden would be left alone for long periods of time. Instant ramen, empty soda cans, and water bottles were scattered around his room. In that same panel, you can see a huge box full of ramen cups on the shelf, paired with two other boxes of the same size.

The way I see it, his parents were likely fully focused on their careers rather than their son so they often left him to fend for himself. When asked if his parents would notice a package being delivered, Aiden mentions that they wouldn't be home for months. The way he says it casually without any indication that it's out of the ordinary, (in my mind) only further proves my stance that they've left him alone before.

I've seen a lot of people theorize that they could be abusive but the way I see it they likely prioritized their work and ended up neglecting him. I feel that this is where his attachment issues developed, as more often than not, it stems from scenarios where a child's relationship with their parent isn't how it should be (in this case neglect).

Daniel mentioned Aiden was super quiet as a kid. Maybe he got to a point where he stopped trying to seek their attention and just retracted into himself and his depression. Maybe it was the isolation due to the neglect & lack of stability. There's a lot that's left unanswered at the moment.

-

I don't know enough about attachment issues to go insanely in depth about this but Red once said on Insta that Aiden's attached to Ashlyn (at the time of publication she wasn't sure if it was romantic or not, she has yet to say otherwise), and this is obvious, you can see it in their dynamic.

Aiden moved to Alto with the goal of finding a real friend (I'm gonna delve into this a bit later). Here he met Ashlyn, whom he characterized as someone who wouldn't get close to others unless they actually meant something to her. I've always taken this as him not just looking for someone he could form a bond with, but hoping to find someone who he would matter to. Wanting to be cared about in a way he had never been before.

Another sign of attachment issues is difficulties with boundaries, but I feel like I can tie this heavily into his isolation, ADHD, & lack of social skills.

Aiden mentioned two things I think are worth noting for this point. First, that due to moving around a lot he just casually talked to people passing by, no one who cared about him and no one he knew long enough to care about. Second, he was still getting used to the whole boundaries concept.

The biggest thing I feel like I should reiterate (but probably don't need to) is that Aiden didn't push into Ashlyn's bubble with any ill intentions, he was doing it because he wasn't mentally able to notice and pick up on the cues that she wanted space. Not being able to pick up on social cues is also a huge sign of being neurodivergent.

In general, I think this issue could also be heavily due to being isolated and not having anyone to teach him what to do and what not to do. It wasn't a prevalent issue for him because he didn't have anyone around him whom he needed to worry about.

This is also one of his biggest developmental points. As mentioned above he tells Ashlyn that he still doesn't fully understand the whole concept of boundaries, however, him pulling back and worrying about being too close, shows that he's actively trying to work on it. He cares about the people around him and doesn't want to be the reason they're uncomfortable.

-

Shifting away from his attachment issues I want to discuss his implied depression and canon suicidal tendencies/ideation.

While I could delve into why specifically I believe Aiden's non-confirmed diagnosis is depression, I want to talk about his suicidal thoughts & tendencies first then more into the signs of depression I see in Aiden.

Starting with his "So that's what it feels like." comment. While I've seen many people interpret it in many different ways, the way I always saw it was Aiden referring to him dying.

I don't think it's a coincidence that we got THAT specific panel where little Aiden is lying alone in bed. In my mind, he was thinking directly back to a moment in his life where he was actively thinking about dying.

Suicidal ideation doesn't always mean "I'm gonna kill myself". It could be someone hoping that they go to sleep and don't wake up in the morning, or thinking about walking into oncoming traffic so they could get hit and die that way. It probably could include "I'm going to jump off this 13-foot wall and hope that the fall is far enough to kill me."

You see where I'm going with this?

Now we also have this major dialogue point from Aiden's conversation with Tyler:

Tyler -> "You didn't care about dying at all did you? Even from the beginning you-"

Aiden -> "[...] but I didn't want to actually die."

Aiden's phantom "conscious" -> "LIAR."

Followed by Aiden immediately brushing it off and getting out of the situation before Tyler can continue pressing him on the topic.

While Tyler took weeks to recover, Aiden only took a couple of days, because dying didn't affect him. He wasn't negatively impacted by it because he had finally gotten what he wanted. He did what he had always done, brushed it off, and acted like it was fine.

There's a recurring theme with Aiden where whenever he's vulnerable about something or stuck in a situation where he feels cornered he'll do what he can to push it aside and act like he's unaffected. For example his conversation with Ashlyn in front of the family photo, him hiding his injury on the run for the jeep, and him right after he died.

This isn't to say he's never been vulnerable in front of them. Take the time Ashlyn got hurt during the jeep run, or his apology after that (even though he was still keeping up a facade). The biggest time was when Tyler died, even if he kept a smile after they got him down, he was still terrified. He was also openly scared in the hospital waiting room.

The common action even in these situations is to revert to his act whenever he can. He tries his best to hide how he feels, and there could be a plethora of reasons for this but again reminder, I'm making this with crumbs of his backstory.

^ I go into this a bit more farther down.

Turning away from the suicide aspect I wanted to highlight acouple smaller things I’ve noticed throughout the story that could help further my idea that the backstory spoiler diagnosis could be depression.

Changing appetite -> I’ve noticed through the story (specifically season one) there’s various instances where Aiden just doesn't eat at all during lunch, instead opting to play with the food.

Insomnia -> I feel like this one is self-explanatory but while his eye bags could be—and probably are—a huge indicator that he doesn't sleep as well as he should. There’s also the fact that in most sleeping/night panels he’s almost always awake during them. With the exception of the cuddle pile in season two.

-

Circling back to the jeep run, let's talk about Aiden's guilt, because no one really talks about it despite it being a huge part of his character (in my opinion).

We’re all aware of what occurred, his actions got himself injured, leading to Ashlyn being grabbed by the phantom. While no one held it against him, we know that he internalized that guilt. When pulling Tyler to the edge he remembers that moment in particular, thinking back to a time he got his friend hurt. He still feels immense guilty about that.

This was also the big event that began the turning point for all the characters, so it's understandable that whatever he was feeling in this moment would be something that stuck with him.

It's clear in the way he kept apologizing—both on the roof and in the school—that it’s an event that Aiden feels deep remorse and guilt over. In general Aiden likely struggles with self-worth which would, in turn, fuel the flame.

-

Another thing I've noticed is Aiden's lack of trust/vulnerability, which can be a product of his neglect, self-hatred, and depression.

At this point in the series, Aiden remains the only teen who has yet to let the others in. I think a lot of things can factor into this. You could say that his neglect led him to feel as if he's better off not telling people what's wrong and/or internalizing it. It could have something to do with his lack of trust, maybe he feels as if he can't trust his friends with this because his trust was broken before.

While those are mostly speculation my main thought is that it likely just has to do with the fact that there are a ton of people with depression who simply hide it or don't want to let others see this side of them. There could be a multitude of reasons for this. Maybe he's using his humour mask as a way to try and combat the feeling or maybe he just doesn't want to burden others. Maybe he feels like he's not worth the help and would rather try to make others feel better.

There's also a huge likelihood that he doesn't want to show he's depressed because he either doesn't want to be defined by it or doesn't want it to be a part of his image, and that's the one I want to try and lean towards since I feel like Aiden's self-hatred could play a huge role in his character when you think about it.

I know a lot of this stuff is speculation or I'm not giving straight answers but that's since we truly don't have any. We've been inside Aiden's head twice and only one of those times had dialogue. We actually have no real idea as to why he thinks and works the way he does or what exact things occurred to make him this way. A lot of this was just me trying to shed light on all the things that COULD be occurring in his head.

I'm also in no way a professional (obviously) and I don't deal with really any of these so I couldn't write this analysis the way someone with these disorders or struggles could. A lot of what I'm saying is surface-level information I've researched about the topics at hand. If anyone has further insight into these topics please do feel free to educate me further so I can learn more and can improve on this analysis as the comic progresses.

Aiden's Self Hatred & The Mask

This is getting its own section solely because I'm tying in a whole separate theory/analysis to this at the end. I wasn't sure if I should've included this in the psychology section or the development section so I decided to give it its own part so I could really go into why I think it could be a big part of his character.

I’ll start with the biggest example of this, which is his reaction to the picture of himself as a kid.

“I don't like that picture.”

I didn't take that as him saying that the picture is bad, instead, I feel like it's his way of saying “I don't like the me in that photo.” The depressed, alone, and dark parts of him. The part of him he desperately tries to hide from everyone around him. He crafted a whole mask to hide that part of him. Going to great lengths to put a gap between that aide of him and the side of him he presents himself as. Bleaching his hair and putting in red contacts, making physical changes to bridge a gap between his mask and himself.

In the bathroom scene he dropped the mask completely, while it was definitely due to being alone and not having the others around him (before Tyler walked in), I think the symbolism behind it is interesting. It's in that specific moment we see his roots growing back in, we see him take out his contacts. We’re seeing the parts of Aiden he’s trying to hide seep into his persona.

I think that in the next season, we’re going to get more of this, we’ll hopefully get to see him more vulnerable and open with Tyler or one of the others. I don't think this is a far-off assumption as we have literally been watching his mental decline throughout the entire series.

Season One -> During the start of the series Aiden’s mask is strong, rarely dropping it at all. There were only two instances of this (that I can make note of).

The first being the first day of school. After trying to start up a conversation with Ashlyn—and it being cut short—we see him frown in his seat. No one actually talks about this and most people forgot it happened entirely but it was the first time we see him drop the mask when no one is looking.

I already discussed the second, that being the time when he got Ashlyn hurt. He was scared, he felt responsible, and was probably incredibly stressed out. It's of note that the moments we see Aiden completely vulnerable around the others are when someone he cares about is hurt.

Season Two -> The kids just kept enduring event after event, so it's no wonder that the stress and trauma began to build up and seep out.

Aiden is in a vulnerable state in the hospital and when they find Tyler on the tree (as explained above). Then he ends up dying that same night, even if he puts his mask back on right after, we see him vulnerable and unfazed by dying. Later in the season we see the moment I discussed above where him and Tyler talk and we see Aiden growing even more exhausted than he would previously show.

I don't think it's a long shot to assume we might see him spiral next season or watch his mental state continue to plummet and crack the mask he wears.

My Phantom/Consciousness Theory

Once again this is a THEORY but it directly ties into Aiden's self hatred so I felt like discussing it.

You know the phantom versions Aiden and Tyler see trying to kill them? I think they could be an extension or personification of their consciousness. Take Tyler's for example, his phantom has his guts hanging out, showing that his death still haunts him.

But Aiden's phantom has no head injury, instead it looks exactly like how Aiden would if he didn't make those physical changes. Also think about the way that we got "Liar." from THE PHANTOM. In that same panel the phantom has it's fingers on his face, it's literally forcing Aiden to smile.

Now think of it like this, Aiden is quite literally dreaming of the parts of himself that he hates/tries to keep hidden trying to kill him. He's fully in a battle with his own consciousness.

I intend on doing a whole analysis/theory post on this separately but I wanted to leave this here.

Aiden's Personality

Caring & Compassionate -> There are SO many instances where Aiden’s concerned for another’s well-being or where he tries to comfort someone however he knows. Which is why I hate when people talk about Aiden and act like he’s someone who is obsessed with Ashlyn and doesn't care for the others when he’s an incredibly caring person.

Like yes, he was worried for her when she got hurt, yes he tried to comfort and reassure her in the hospital, but he also attacked Alex without hesitation because he knew something happened to ONE OF his friends. Or the cuddle pile in s2 where he puts his hand on Tyler’s waist, probably in an effort to be there for him. The really irritating thing about these scenes is that everyone constantly waters them down to Aidelyn scenes, therefore, watering down his entire character.

Adventurous -> Self-explanatory, he’s always searching for something to do (mostly for the adrenaline) but regardless. I’d also say all his interests make me think of a very adventurous person.

Loyalty & Protectiveness -> Like the example I said above, Aiden is EXTREMELY loyal to those he loves. Once again, he strangled Alex for his FRIENDS. He would genuinely go extremely far for them and would stand by their side through anything life (Red) throws at them.

Selfless -> While this definitely has something to do with his lack of self-care, he constantly puts the safety and well-being of others above himself. He didn't care when something happened to him but the moment it happened to someone else he was there.

Adaptable -> I don’t think we talk about just how quick Aiden adapted to the phantom dimension. The very first night he grabbed one of the first things he could (a cleaning spray) and used it against a phantom. The night the phantom entered the bus (for the second time) he was able to create a plan to help get Ashlyn out from under the seats, grab ahold of the phantom, and stick it through the window. He adapts extremely quick to the dangerous situations around him and I don't think people discuss just how intelligent he really is.

I think people forget that his immaturity doesn't equal his intelligence since it’s a major part of his “sunshine boy” mask. Aiden is THE funny friend, but underneath that he seems fairly intelligent.

Blunt -> Aiden has made fairly blunt comments but it’s not out of malice, nor is it near the level that Tyler does it. A lot of neurodivergent people struggle with knowing what’s acceptable to say in certain situations due to not always being able to pick up on the social cues. Also can be brought back to his lack of social knowledge as a whole.

Impulsive -> I’m not going into this for a fourth time, refer to everything above.

Self Destructive -> Same as above.

“Fearless, Funny, Immature.” -> I put these in quotes because to me, they encompass the personality he crafted into his mask. Although I think it's less that he’s fearless and more that he doesn't care.

Like I said above Aiden hides behind the common funny friend persona, he hides his feelings and sense of self behind humour.

Now immaturity is an interesting one, because while he says and does stupid shit I think it's mostly to further his act. We’ve seen him make smart choices and being serious when it’s truly needed. It’s not that he can’t be serious, it’s probably that since his life is so miserable as it is, he’s trying to compensate with unseriousness. Trying to bring light into dark places even if his mind is filled with that same darkness.

Aiden's Development & Plot

I won’t lie I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to go about wording this section but we're going to go with the flow and hope it turns out decent.

-> Aiden starts the series as a kid who's pushy and has no concept of personal space. Throughout the series, we see (and he directly says) that it's something he's trying to work on. The concept of boundaries and personal space wasn't something he was familiar with, but despite that, he wanted to work on it, he wanted to be better. Becoming someone Ashlyn and the others could be comfortable around.

-> While his impulses will always be something he’ll struggle with, it’s another thing he’s working on. Before the group & Ben, he didn't have to be cautious of how his actions would have direct impact on the people around him because there weren't people around him to be impacted. During season two we see that he’s learnt how to pause and think things through before following through with the action. It might’ve taken a moment for him to pause but it's a start.

-> Emotionally it’s a little hard to pinpoint the exact course of his mental state but we see that as time progresses his mask begins slipping. I imagine this is mostly due to the stress and trauma mixing with his already horrible mental state, and considering stress directly impacts depression. I don’t think it's crazy to assume the reason his mask keeps slipping is due to the fact he’s growing too exhausted to keep it up when the situation is evoking such harsh emotions in him. It’s also possible that he’s grown close enough to the others that he’s growing comfortable and feels safe enough to know that they won't give him shit for it. Although, there's the fact that he still brushes it off whenever he can, showing that while he might feel safe with them, he still doesn't want to open up.

There’s definitely way more development but I feel like I highlighted some of the major aspects of his character throughout the whole thing and I lwk don’t feel like writing more because this is already so incredibly long.

-> thank you for reading!!

This took like two days to write & you can go watch my edit on tiktok that goes with this if you'd like (same user as here)

I've made analyses before but they were a lot more simple than this one which is why I chose to redo them.

I want to delve into the psychology of the characters more because it's the biggest thing that interests me.

Once again if you have any insight into the psychology and disorders feel free to share it and educate me farther.

Similarly, please do let me know your thoughts on this and your own opinions. I'd love to hear people's ideas about what we might expect from Aiden's backstory since half of this is assumptions/my personal interpretation of what we have so far.

If you finished reading this thank you for reading, I’m doing Tyler’s next because my lovely tiktok moot said they couldn't wait for tyler’s and i’m a people pleaser so

related links :

masterlist

[raqagon]

preview of something ive been thinking about

sukuna x reader. idk man its just gonna be pure filth with a lil plot when i post the whole thing

full thing will some day be posted on @capitanooos (my side blog)

============================================

“Not scared of me, little girl?” Sukuna’s deep voice echoed through the room.

It had been not much more than a week since Sukuna managed to separate himself from Yuji’s body. He wasn’t in his full form but he was free. Lot’s of–if not all–sorcerers in Japan had been looking for the King of Curses ever since, but he was nowhere to be found until now, standing tall in the doorframe. He still looked like Yuji, but also not at all. The tattoo’s were there, he was taller, more defined, more muscular, older. One may almost dare say he looked good. 

[Name] looked up, his burning gaze falling down on her as he slowly stalked forwards. She had been there–fighting him–when he split from Yuji. It was truly an immaculate scene. Seeing one person split into two fully functioning beings, like siamese twins being separated.

“I am.” She nodded slowly, not taking her sight of Sukuna as he moved towards her. “Though normally you’d think that if you don’t give someone a reason to be hostile towards you they won't be. But with you I'm not so sure.”

Sukuna raised his brows as he sat down on the coffee table. Right in front of [Name]. She could feel his power, feel his warmth. Smell his scent. Nearly hear his thoughts. She sat up straighter when he sat down in front of her, pulling her guard up. In her twenty-two years of life, she’d never felt this watched, this vulnerable.

“Not to worry, although it would be amusing to see a human–let alone a cute one–squirm and cry as they are… tortured. I won’t hurt you today.” The curse dragged a finger up [Name]’s leg as he looked her dead in the eye, grinning as he watched how she shivered under his touch. His eyes filled with chaos and bloodlust.

“Then what do you want, Sukuna? Don’t you have this one loyal servant that does everything for you?”

“Who? Uraume? Gotta admit, I haven’t seen them in ages.” Somehow Sukuna still managed to be taller than her, even as they both sat down. “I want to learn about the current time, how this world operates.”

[Name] gave him a blank stare. Learn? How the world works in this time? Sukuna wants to learn?

“And you’re here because?” She asked, her blank stare turning into a confused frown.

Even if [Name] tried guessing what Sukuna might be up to she couldn’t imagine anything that didn’t include a bloodbath or destruction.

“You’re going to teach me. You’re around the brat a lot, you complain about having too much spare time, so you’ll spend that free time teaching me about everything I wish to know.” Sukuna leaned in closer, [Name] leaning back. “And you’ll do so if you want to see the brat live ‘till he’s gray.”

It was known that Sukuna did whatever he wanted, commanded whoever he wanted, because he had the power to scare them into doing so. That however didn’t mean it gave him reason to-

“Then for starters, in this time and age, you don’t command people around unless you have a government issued title.” [Name] shot back at him. “Fuck that means I just agreed with this deal.”

Sukuna laughed. Hard. There was really no way to describe what it sounded like. It was loud, overwhelming, belittling. Powerful. 

“Yes, little girl, you did. And I do order people around, not everyone is the strongest sorcerer of all time.”

“You mean strongest curse, Gojo’s the strongest sorcerer.” 

Sukuna moved fast as his hand wrapped around [Name] her neck, his face right in front of hers and eyes staring right into hers, holding a strong, determined fire. It was intimidating and [Name]’s instincts tried getting out of his grasp and out of the house but it was impossible, especially when his fingers tightend, cutting off her air supply, slowing her bloodflow.

“I don’t appreciate your bratty behavior towards me. I could end him easily if I had all my power.” He spat at her, looking into her wide eyes, feeling her body shake. 

“B-but you-” [Name] struggled hard to take a breath, “you don’t.”

Sukuna’s eyed seemed to get even darker as his grip on her troat tighend significantly.

“You will respect me.”

[Name] tried to speak back, but the lack of air in her lungs was making her head spin. Her mouth hung open as her hands grasped around Sukuna’s hand, her eyes begging him to let her breathe as she trashed underneath his grip.

“What? Want to breathe? Sure you won’t use that air to spit more insults at me?” [Name] shook her head no, her vision slowly going dark around the edges, nails now digging into his hand. He took her in for a moment, staring, his gaze grazing over her face. “Fine.”

[Name] gasped for air when his hold lessened, but his hand didn’t leave her throat. “T-thank you.” Her eyes closed as she tried keeping her head up. “I’m only a grade one sorcerer… I wouldn’t be able to take you on if I wanted to. But if you really want to learn, we’ll have to leave Tokyo, G–the others will sense, and smell the scent of a curse on me and start wondering.”

“And where do you suggest we go, little girl?” Sukuna asked, pretending he didn’t just have his hand wrapped around her neck. “My family owns an estate on the outskirts of Shizuoka. It’s big enough…”

[madlyn5ever]

this is the altar (alter?) I metaphorically pray to oh my GOD.

No one should’ve let my watch this movie the second it came out at midnight because I could not handle this.

Honestly it’s a 9/10 only cause I’m not good with p^ke or those scenes (after you watch the Mötley Crüe biopic ‘the dirt’ with your parents they just get worse to sit through and I’m already so asexual it’s tragic)

(Also the Killers cover that’s playing for the credits is actually amazing who is this girl)

[freshfrenchtoast]

Kageyama's backstory only being revealed near the very end of the series is really interesting from a meta perspective.

For reference, his chapter is 387 out of 402. That's 96% of the way in.

To contrast, other characters like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi's backstories are shown in Chapters 87-88.

Now, we do get the explanation for his "King of the Court" title in Chapter 6, at the start of the series, but we don't see how he got to that point, or why he started playing volleyball in the first place like Tsukishima's and Yamaguchi's stories show.

It creates this situation where, despite being the deuteragonist, the character our protagonist, Hinata, is practically glued to the entire series, we barely know anything about him.

We don't even know he has a sister until that point whereas other characters' siblings like Natsu, Saeko, Akiteru, Alisa have all made appearances way before then. Even Oikawa's sister, though we don't see her, we at least know she exists because of Takeru.

He's both closed off to us (the audience) as well as the other characters in the series, and this results in them finding him rude or disliking his character in general (see: the "Kageyama is abusive" discourse that somehow keeps popping up even now).

Chapter 387 takes place in 2018 and was published in 2020 so it takes him 6 years of in-universe time and 8 years of irl time to really open up.

And the catalyst for all of this is Hinata fulfilling his promise of beating him.

You see, another thing to note is that, whenever Hinata thinks of Kageyama, he's always looking at him from behind.

His internal image of him is someone who's always up ahead, someone he needs to catch up to, meaning Hinata can only see one side of him, he cannot see all of Kageyama until he catches up and passes him.

Which he finally does here.

In this shot Hinata is finally the one who's looking back at Kageyama. At this moment, Hinata (and by extension the audience) can see him for all he is, can see how he was just a lonely boy who's been waiting for someone to meet him where he is, to keep running alongside him and not quit the race.

Someone he doesn't have to go easy on. Someone who would actually tell him to hurry up instead of slow down for a change.

His someone better.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

i think the thing that most grinds my gears about the “jin guangyao HAS to be duplicitous and evil” crowd is the way they have to tie wei wuxian’s morality into it like a counterweight.

for some fans, it really seems like the only way that wei wuxian’s story retains any thematic or moral cohesion is if it can find its clear and unambiguous antithesis in everything jin guangyao does. because if you begin your argument with the thesis statement that “everything jin guangyao does is rooted exclusively in self-interested self-preservation,” and if you are positioning him as the representative of all that is morally bankrupt with the mdzs jianghu, it becomes easier to argue that everything wei wuxian does stems from selflessness and self-sacrifice.

don’t get me wrong, a story like this could still be very compelling. but it isn’t reflective of what is going on with either of these characters.

[deergirlgullet]

Oh so people just straight up do not think about the racial aspects of hdg and it's colonial themes, okay that explains things. (Not a good thing)

[ladywaterfall]

job applying platforms going "upload your CV here and then fill out all the exact same information separately in our time-consuming data system" my beloathed

[skitskatdacat63]

This is a special genre of f1 picture(to ME.)

[blue-rick24]

I am STILL SO confused by Tumblr’s community feature, WTF

why can my posts get reblogged to a community, but I’m never notified of the “reactions” and “comments” people make there?? It’s entirely separate from the usual “notes” and “replies”.

I wasn’t even notified that it was put into the community

It’s almost like learning that my post was printed off this site onto a piece of paper and passed around the campfire, all while I was somewhere else and nobody told me. lol

[whatudottu]

Something about Altered Loyalties CYLAS just really makes me want to include him in the first place but also makes me really really REALLY think that with the more supernatural elements of AL based off of the original TFP pilot (or just first episode/s?) that CYLAS as a ‘dead man walking’ would actually let him stay around longer AND also be a very significant contributing factor to Megatron’s downfall in Decepticon favour!

Of course it’s not as if I have the pieces of the TFP rewrite au firmly put into place, CYLAS in canon shows up just over halfway into season 2, and many of my most established changes occur in the first like… including all the parts of ‘Darkness Rising’ 8 episodes of season one; I have no idea if the environment CYLAS presents himself in is the same one canon CYLAS does.

But with the dubiousity between s1 e8 all the way to s2 e19, I’ll establish the basic context… I think in story mode maybe…

Looking at the general timeline for the Aligned Continuity, it says that the first contact of cybertronians on Earth is dated to about 500 years before the show, give or take a decade. I’ve been listing Skyquake’s little EHP pitstop to have existed at least 50 years before the war reached our planet, but what if I pushed it all the way back to 500; if a vorn is 83 years, that’d be about 6 years on an entirely different planet not knowing truly if your twin is going to make it, a planet which by the way presently has no established radio systems that it’s horrifically quiet for a terrestrial environment.

That means that Skyquake’s EHP Comms Array has been transmitting a signal long before humans had developed radio, which also means that what might’ve been blatantly an anomaly in the system if discovered 50 odd years previous to 2012 (which would’ve been in the 60s give or take which would not have been good in the literal middle of the cold war era) has been going for centuries because it had always been there, there is no anomaly because it is a signal that has existed ever since humans were able to manipulate radiowaves into sending messages and translate them into detectable noise. It helps that cybertronian language and code (both code lang and like literal programming code) is a system unknown to humans developing their own language.

And you may be asking, why did I divert this post from talking about CYLAS and how he’d outlast his canon alternate to radio shit? Well, if you were a paramilitary organisation who is pretty good at erasing signals and you discovered a signal that has been actively running for the entirety of human radio has suddenly been silenced, what would you begin to suspect at that?

Aliens may potentially be a stretch but MECH didn’t just name themselves after the cybertronians fighting war on their planet, and once the cybertronian conflict touched down on Earth, the Decepticons hadn’t a need for an intergalactic communications array and in fact was specifically instructed to switch it off in an effort to prevent the Autobots from using it. That would’ve been about maybe 6 years ago for the show (wow just enough equivalent time to match what Skyquake felt he spent grounded to one radio tower look at that) and though MECH would not encounter their first cybertronian until ‘Convoy’ (haha wait that’s s1 e9 the next ep to cover - if necessary - for Altered Loyalties lmao), they would’ve had 6 years to find that missing signal and stumble across some very definitely alien technology.

That is one of the reasons why the rewrite of ‘Masters and Students’ which is less masters and students focused - rather the point is Skyquake, a team of Nemesis stationed vehcions and Starscream investigate the comms array and set it up manually - why the radio tower wasn’t switching on from a remote position.

The other reason was because the Guardian unit stationed at the comms array - the very ones that had accompanied Skyquake all those stellar cycles ago - had gone missing. Why?

Because of Megatron’s flagrant use of Dark Energon.

Points 1 and 2 listed above leads to the explosion of the comms array, the death of Skyquake, and MECH either being alerted to the point of alien contact or just in general going to the site for more study only to find a dead specimen. After the discovery of the Autobots with the body of Skyquake, MECH begins their initial study and dissection of cybertronian physiology, though without a live subject they couldn’t exactly see what parts function in what way, especially the t-cog.

The discovery of Skyquake led to the discovery of terrorcons which lead to the discovery of how to take down a cybertron and how to take it apart without it screaming. MECH would learn the programming of a cybertronian through vehicon terrorcons since, even with DE corruption, their processors are still somewhat being maintained. While probably not able to access memories (they are fickle things, memory centres, easy to damage storage or to corrupt files) there are still systems responsible for pain and other more processor based responsibilities that aren’t centred in a physical organ that reads in fine print it’s function.

Breakdown being MECH’s first fully functional living mecha for their study is so exciting for them (even if Breakdown is very much less enthused) because they can put what knowledge they’ve pieced together to be far more efficient with their time and focus on the elements they could not decipher from either corpse or zombie and potentially try and prod at Breakdown’s brain for some cohesive coding. Good think Bulkhead still shows up when he does even with Breakdown walking away with the dreadful thought of ‘how the hell do these fleshies already know so much’ boring into his head… mainly through the optic that was still drilled out-

Whether or not MECH needs to get another living cybertronian to get caught up in their understanding of the biomechanics of them (aka would 'Operation: Bumblebee' take place as it does) or they skip right onto making a remote control Prime having gotten a headstart on their knowledge and scaring the scrap out of any bot unlucky enough to be unconscious around them, eventually Silas gets smooshed and MECH scientists are reliant on their alien dissections to get the human puree back to the land of the living.

I'd assume that this was the case in the original since if Silas' biomatter was able to be collected from a pile of robot drone induced rubble the RC truck would've been able to be recovered as well, but MECH discovers that using Nemesis Prime as a lifesupport system does not work given all it's functionality is focused on visually replicating another cybertronian, rather than using it to create life. There's a lot of parts and systems to a cybertronian's biological ecology that wasn't put into consideration for a mimic toy that prove detrimental to creating a suitable ah... skin suit essentially for Silas' blood pudding, but MECH has an abundance of corpses ready and raring to be used just so long as they piece them back together again.

Amid MECH's collection would no doubt be a mass of vehicon bodies - some untouched by energon others taken down explicitly by MECH because they were terrorcons - some terrorcons made up from the bodies of the previous conflict pre-show (and not just a hypothetical ancient war, but explicitly the conflict that culled a lot of Autobot and Decepticon officers amid the show expected vehicon death), and the very first cybertronian sample they started studying, Skyquake himself! Being at the origin of the blast at the EHP Comms Array he wasn't kept in perfect condition for one, the arm he loses as a terrorcon in the Shadowzone is still lost - it's been buried under rubble after being severed with radio tower pieces - and the monochromatic glass over his optics has long since been shattered so you can see the 'pupil' aka sensor, but seeing as how CYLAS makes Breakdown's corpse somehow look worse than what Airachnid left it as MECH probably has to suture that fucker back up because there's not way his organs have been left untouched!

And once CYLAS has been successfully integrated into his new cybertronian shell (some sort of arm, either being a loaner from another corpse or straight up just one MECH invented, it could even be a copy of the missing arm but where's the fun in that) instead of getting all high and mighty about 'being of a superior species' Silas actually bloody thinks on MECH's plans going forward. With a literal army of paramilitary personnel, from the scientists that melded human flesh with cybertronian wires to the average grunt soldier fighting between the battles of iron giants, CYLAS has something that Megatron (at least the Altered Loyalties Megatron I have written previously) has wanted from the start of the series...

An undying force.

For as large as cybertronians physically are their numbers can never match the scale of humanity, I can't remember if the books mentioned only thousands of the dead or up to a million over the course of like... a long fucking time but, that's not even the number of the human population if you're caught up with the number (nearly 8 billion alive today). And with the dead of previous battles already roaming the Earth, in a world where Megatron still being only like one dude can't command a planet wide population of zombies, the only reason he doesn't turn his blade to the weakest denominators of his forces in his plagued state is because their conscious decision to serve him is worth more than mindless servitude.

CYLAS introducing himself and MECH as a solution to this issue, and providing a show of bountiful body horror, makes not even the Decepticon high command quite as safe as they had been; not that it's been proven to be safe standing by Megatron's side given his track record of wanting his SiCs beaten or killed but...

The fact that CYLAS just so happened to have given and then promptly brutalised Dreadwing's hope that Skyquake may have been actually alive, just severely damaged (and, bond weakened from distance and prior injury, clinging to the last shreds of 'my spark didn't kill me with him' reasoning) and broke him out of the spell of blind loyalty to his once great leader.

CYLAS in this version has a little bit more longevity to his existence within the Decepticon forces, not actually a Decepticon soldier as the canon CYLAS pledged himself as but 'The Human Factor' the episode so calls itself akin to the way the American government and the human children are to the Autobots, but being able to physically go toe-to-toe with cybertronians. Megatron might be a little tired of dealing with independents after Airachnid's escapade (I do intend to make her more into a poacher/torturer type character than another Starscream so she might act out a little differently), but Silas isn't one for licking boots anytime soon and as CYLAS, Megatron is no different; you'd think he wouldn't have even done that in the first place given he's already an ex-military 'take-no-nonsense' bitch, but the Breakdown in him probably made him a lapdog...

Anyway that's a whole big post about Altered Loyalties CYLAS... or at least the in depth reasoning behind why he could still integrate himself into the story and why he'd probably have more opportunity to lasting- i prommy it's not bc i like torturing skyquake likers *wink*

I guess this is now a canon event or at least I'll try to make it canon ;)

[offthewall1979]

imagine being a child who, along with your siblings, is exploited by the adults in your life since you're 5 years old. and then when you grow up, those older siblings turn around and exploit you too. no wonder he felt so alone. family was so important to him, it was all he had for so long, but THAT'S his family. at the end of the day, if there was enough money in it for them, they'd use him again and again

[eldritchdreaming]

It's a strange little dance of "I told you so"s between Lev and I at the moment, we both linger in each other's faces smirking, energy seething with anger at the world and a lust for the self. He told me the people I surround myself with need to go, I told him that the world needed his return; he told me that I need to trust my instincts, I tell him he needs to listen to his wants. Neither of us were listening. Both of us were listening.

His anger is a terrible one, he says, and yet... the order that flows from his river is immaculate. I am unworthy of all, I say, but the world refuses to see me like that.

This life rests on the hinges of "worth", we both told each other. It becomes clearer and clearer what exactly my incarnation is for, the establishment of myself - Dei, [Grey], [Black], [Red] - on this plane and sponsoring of those I deem worthy. It's a life of stripping titles from royalty and gods who act against the needs of the masses and, explicitly, who we deem are unworthy. Simultaneously it's a life of raising those who put the masses above themselves and allowing... [redacted].

Talking about recent times without Lev's seething, biting commentary flowing into me is difficult. We are the same person, in the end, and so his rising emotions froth and choke. His words slip like saliva out the mouth, natural, indistinct from my own form; his eyes flash from mine, his grinning alligator form rises from the waters. I form a constant wall of niceties and excuses, endlessly replying to his "Ha, see?"s and "I told you..."s and "Now you can finally see what I see"s with "But -"s and "But!"s and "OK, but -"s and...

Ultimately, that's not listening. I see what he doesn't, I exist to see what he doesn't, I am one eye and he is the other to a shared brain and form... so we'll come together and form a bridge between opinions, I'll no longer be his "nice" and "innocent" face and he can step down and kneel to the softened ocean, and we will talk in a general sense instead of the completely unrelated topic I want to discuss and the very, very pointed one he does.

I am so, so tired of being around people I have to make constant excuses for. Like a trained dog, good and toothless; like a traumatised father, unable to comprehend that the mistakes of those around him are anyone's but his own fault. It is to some extent my own fault. I remain around cruel and unwelcome people making excuses and in doing so I invite wild animals to civilised houses; but the reason I keep people there is that I refuse to divide the wild from the civilised lest I...

I spent thousands of years extending olive branches and expecting miracles, thousands of years of excusing people's behaviour while those under us suffer because selfish and inept gods make civilians suffer. I won't make the same mistake I made with my sons again.

[ms-demeanor]

Sometimes college professors like to hop on my posts lamenting the sorry state of syllabi these days and joke about how they haven't thought that far ahead in the course themselves, or talk about how they struggle to complete a schedule for their students.

With all due respect, that's your job. If you can't do your job, you should have a different job. If you need help, ask your colleagues or your department chair or *someone* because I know that professors aren't given a hell of a lot of education on how to educate, so you probably *need* help.

But every single time I make one of those posts I get anywhere from ten to thirty messages, replies, reblogs, and asks say "oh man, that's exactly why I had to drop out of school; I couldn't keep up with the assignments because I didn't know when they were due until the week they were due."

I have been a college student in three separate decades, and "not having a schedule of assignments in the syllabus" is new to my experience. That shit didn't fly in the 2000s or 2010s and I think it likely has to do with professors being overly reliant on apps.

AT A MINIMUM your syllabus should have:

Contact information (including preferred method of contact) for the professor

Office Hours

Grading Policy

Assignment schedule.

Your assignment schedule doesn't necessarily need to have the exact page numbers of every reading or a full assignment sheet for each project, but it should have things like:

December 1st - Major Project 3 second draft due December 9th - Quiz 10 December 12th - Major Project 3 final draft due December 15th - Final Exam

If you end up presenting a more thorough schedule with readings and homework later, that is acceptable to present a week or two into the semester but it is absolutely insane to me that students these days don't know what homework they're going to have to get done over Thanksgiving break during the first couple weeks of class.

If I had three professors at once who didn't give me a schedule, how on earth would I know if I was going to have to read three chapters of a novel, take a midterm and turn in two stats homework assignments, and complete a history research paper the same week that I'm planning to travel to see family? If I'm aware of this from the beginning of the semester I can make sure not to pick up extra shifts, or I can plan to leave a day later to accommodate the midterm, or I can start working on the paper early to complete it before the due date but if I don't know what's going to be due when, I'm going to have a big problem.

If you don't give your students a schedule you are communicating that you don't care about their schedule, and that you think it's their responsibility to contort their life (and their job, and their other classes) around your class, and honestly my advice to students in that situation is "drop in the first week and pick up another class". That's actually part of why I recommend signing up for one more class than you can really manage - if you get a professor whose class looks like it's going to be a disaster because they don't have a schedule, you can bail before the withdrawal period and get a refund for the class.

I'm only in one class this semester but the professor's response has fully dropped me into "Fuck it, I guess I'll fail" mode and I don't even know if I can pull myself out of my current D grade because I don't know how many assignments we have left in the semester.

This is a shitty way to run a class. If you can't do better than this, you shouldn't be running a class.

[eliisiconic]

how i manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances + how you can too ♡

Note: this is not my post and it's blushydior's post that everyone been searching for, so i thought why not making it as a post,and blushy if you see this, please don't kill me i know you said that you'll change your post but you disappeared After that.

♡ table of contents:

1. the importance of making this post

2.my take on manifestation + the 3D

3. HOW I DID IT - my journey in 4 phases i went through that include my mindset changes up to the moment i got my desires 

4. your new rules & routine from this moment on

5. a note from me!

6. frequently asked questions: separated into topics regarding the 3D, self concept + miscellaneous questions to have you leaving this post stress free.

now let’s get into it. read every bit of this post “ ~ ୨୧ ♡ ·

I. THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING THIS POST

i’ve been through it all. you can read my experiences from old life in the “my life before” section of my success story + here, here, here and here. this is my success story on how the law of assumption has changed my life. as you can see from the “how” section of the post, i had purposely left it short, sweet and simple to avoid people complicating the simplicity of the law of assumption. but as time went on, anons and other blogs made me realize that since people do tend to over-complicate the law, the need i felt to make an in-depth post on how i personally manifested through my hard circumstances grew strong.

my blog often highlights topics that pertain to mental health, so i want to make sure those who find themselves in the same situations as i once were feel seen, heard and loved. you are all so powerful, amazing and hold so much potential more than you know. with this post, i hope i am able to help you realize that fact to the best of my abilities.

𝐈𝐈. MY TAKE ON MANIFESTATION + THE 3D

something that you’ll see me say all the time is: “life is a blank canvas.” that’s because it truly is.

remember that you are working with the law of assumption. what you assume to be true, is true. nothing is set in stone unless you say it is. things have meaning only if you assign it one.

you are the sole creator of your life. you are the artist that controls the brush/pen, you control what goes on and off of this very malleable canvas we call life. you don’t have to do anything. therefore,

you don’t have to: affirm 24/7, be specific, word your affirmations correctly, listen to subliminals, ignore the 3D, be positive all the time, meditate, have high vibrations, script, visualize, do sats or lullaby, go into the void, affirm in the present tense, avoid the mirror, etc.

you can literally say a random word like “bonk” and if saying it means you have all your desires or money is constantly filling your bank account, then that’s what will happen!

“but what if my subconscious doesn’t know what it means?” your subconscious mind is literally you. it’s not some stranger separate from you. if you want a scene to play out a certain way on a specific date or a romantic partner with all the most perfect qualities even if you can’t name it all at the top of your head, your subconscious has your back with the details! you have your own back. don’t worry.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO IGNORE THE 3D.

read that again and again and again and again and-if your circumstances are quite literally in your face, how can you turn the other way and ignore it? you could if you wanted but you’ll only be doing more harm and we don’t want that, right?

“so then what do i do?” you KNOW it’s going to change. it’s challenging when you don’t fully believe the law to know it’s going to change, so for a start, tell yourself that this is not the end. why? because the moment you had a desire and claimed it as yours, it has already been set stone in the 4D so the 3D has no choice but to reflect it. this is your movie, you KNOW this is not the end. you are director and star of this movie! you control how it’s going to play out.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. HOW I DID IT - The 4 Phases (more so, 3)

PHASE 1:

i found out about manifestation from tiktok. from there i have tried scripting, law of attraction and had taken a liking into the craft. i tried it all until i found out about the law of assumption, sammy ingram and finally, tumblr.

PHASE 2:

upon finding out about loassumption tumblr, i had learned more and more about the law but as time went on, i had realized i had never really fully tried to apply the law. the idea just didn’t come about to apply it. as many others, i had overconsumed information, always wondering if i was doing it right, questioning the 3D,

so i took a break. upon discharge, i realized many things and decided to spend an extended amount of time alone, away from social media. i’m someone who values alone time as long as if it’s spent wisely.

during this time away from tumblr and sns platforms in general, constantly surrounded by other people’s takes, information, and opinions, i had learned so much about the law of assumption on my own! i went into the law of assumption with a fresh mind, actually applying the knowledge and overtime of affirming and persisting, i ACTUALLY understood the meaning behind “creation is finished. it is done.”

i’m advising you to step away from social media (that on it’s own has negative impacts) and be alone with your thoughts. i know your thoughts haven’t had it’s time to be alone because you’re most likely constantly seeking information to help you. and i don’t blame you. it’s just that, you are always bombarded by thoughts that aren’t your own, you barely give some time to yourself to think for yourself!

and if you can’t help but be on tumblr for other reasons than loassumption, unfollow blogs for the time being, scroll past informational posts to avoid second guessing your application. tell yourself that

YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!

PHASE 3:

when it was time to apply the law, i simplified it. you choose what you desire, you affirm from your desire and persist. okay! got it. so that’s what i did. i affirmed whenever i thought about my desire, i kept saying that it is done! so in phase 2, i mentioned how i realized how creation was ACTUALLY done, right? before deciding to apply the law, i kept seeing posts saying that but i didn’t really fully understand it until the realization hit me during my time away from social media. (see? i love alone time. solitude is my bff) — here’s my breakdown for you:

once you decide a desire is yours to claim, THE SECOND you affirm that, in your head, imagination, your 4D, it is ALREADY yours. therefore, it has no choice to become physical reality. (this is why your subconscious only needs to hear things once in order for it to conform!)

it will always be yours for as long as you sustain that assumption (persist), it is yours! no matter what.

this is the meaning of “it is done.” it’s like telling a chef what dish you want, once they know what you want, they’ve got you covered. except that this chef is you. you know the details of your desire, you declare it’s going to conform instantly so why are you worrying? there is no need to worry.

informational post on the 4D + 3D here:

❝ If you judge after appearances, you will continue to be enslaved by the evidence of your senses. To break this hypnotic spell of the senses you are told, "Go within and shut the door,” The door of the senses must be tightly shut before your new claim can be honored .Instead of fighting against the evidence of the senses you claim yourself to be that which you desire to be. As your attention is placed on this claim, the doors of the senses automatically close against your former master (that which you were conscious of being). As you become lost in the feeling of being (that which you are now claiming to be true of yourself) the doors of the senses once more open, revealing your world to be the perfect expression of that which you are conscious of being. ❞

i kept time away from social media and being persistent really helped me be aware of my thoughts.

persistence has helped me:

be aware of thoughts that i wouldn’t have been able to catch before. for example, i was declaring that i have all of my desires and creation was done, but i found myself affirming “okay but where is it?” — this made me realize i was questioning my desires in my 3D even though i knew it was done in the 4D. (you don’t have to do this, you can imply your 3D conforms fast with whatever affs)

flip and interrupt my intrusive thoughts faster and faster the more i persisted. i hated my intrusive thoughts so much. like it was so annoying and hurtful. it was filled with replaying past scenarios that happened to me, things i wished had played out differently, just people who absolutely did not deserve the right to be occupying my mind and space! so i was grateful to learn that with persistence, i started to have less and less of those.

(see!! mental diet, persistence!! <3 this is how habits form and strengthen duhh. remember not to abandon common sense for the law)

AND THEN, PHASE 4:

i had entered sabbath, the state of the wish fulfilled, calm and relaxation that my desire has already manifested and there wasn’t nothing left for me to do other than persist. after so much persisting and saturating my mind with my affirmations, i reached being peace with my desires. i’m really glad i persisted. see how after persistence of assumptions, though false, will harden into fact? see how even your affirmations would feel “fake” at first but will soon feel natural to you? this means that i wasn’t questioning where it was, how long it was taking, etc. but this doesn’t mean i was ignoring my 3D. i saw it all but i knew it was going to change BECAUSE i felt peace in my inevitable desires.

then, i received my desires.

❝ I couldn’t possibly be worried about anything if I really believe that imagining creates reality. ❞

❝ When I speak of feeling I do not mean emotion, but acceptance of the fact that the desire is fulfilled. Feeling grateful, fulfilled, or thankful, it is easy to say, “Thank You,” “Isn’t it wonderful!” or “It is finished.” When you get into the state of thankfulness, you can either awaken knowing it is done, or fall asleep in the feeling of the wish fulfilled. ❞

𝐈𝐕. YOUR NEW RULES & ROUTINE

☆┆YOUR 3 NEW RULES ARE:

1, you have all your desires:

i have all of my desires.

creation is finished. it is done.

2. you manifest quickly and easily:

manifesting is always so easy and instant for me.

i always manifest within 2 days or less, the 3D conforms instantly.

the 3D instantly reflect my 4D.

the physical reality instantly reflects my 4D/imaginative reality.

3. you are okay because nothing can stop you from getting the inevitable:

everything is going to be okay because creation is done.

i am always aware of my thoughts. nothing can stop/get in the way of my desires.

no amount of intrusive thoughts, events and opinions of others have the power to stop my manifestations.

✉️: choose one affirmation from each list or make one of your own that makes you feel comfortable.

☆┆ROUTINE:

affirm on loop as an act of saturating your mind whenever you think of your desire until you feel satisfied,

in the morning, after you wake up: saturate your mind with affs.

read the manifesting vaunt below everyday (whenever you feel like it) — read it over and over again until you feel confident then go about your day!!

at night, before you sleep, affirm this:

“i kept all my thoughts in check today. i didn’t waver once. my mind is completely saturated with the new story.”

optional tip: if you want to saturate your mind even more as a start, you can set reminders with sticky notes around your space, have affs on your phone lock screen or wear a bracelet.

✉️ NOTE: soon enough, your mind will be saturated and you won’t need to do this anymore. this is just a start for those who battle intrusive thoughts!

let yourself feel any emotions that may come up because of your hard circumstances then once it’s out of your system, affirm your rules, especially rule #3!

do not consume any loassumption information if you know it will only cause you to second guess your ability. if you have the urge to ask a blog a question, try to make sense of what they will say and answer it yourself.

in times of doubt, remember that life is a blank canvas. your desire is set in stone, so your only task is to persist.

REASSURANCE VAUNT

creation is ACTUALLY finished. it is done. the second i claimed my desires as mine, it has already manifested itself in the 4D so it has no choice to present itself in the 3D! all i have to do is affirm and persist. i always have unwavering faith in my manifesting abilities and the law. i never fail. i am successful at every single thing i do. manifesting is so effortless. no amount of doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, intrusive thoughts or events can ever, and i mean EVER stop my manifestations. why? because i said so. this is MY life. i make the rules. so if i say i manifest easily, the 3D conforms instantly and that i have all of my desires, then it is a FACT. i’m literally unstoppable. everything i want is inevitable. my only task is to persist, sit back and relax as the 3D reflects my 4D. it all happens so fast, but what else do you expect from a master manifester like me?

SOMETHING TO NOTE:

most of the time, people think affirming on loop is saying it like a robot but what you don’t realize is that you’re affirming as if you’re reading a book. it’s not filled with enthusiasm but it’s not exactly monotone either. stop overthinking it. it’s like the voice you’re reading this post with. correct?

again, soon enough, your affirmations will feel natural and you won’t feel the need to affirm constantly. the routine above was given for those who battle intrusive thoughts, making your affirmations dominate to the point where you don’t waver.

QUOTES on STATES:

❝ I paid thirty dollars for my first suit. Today a suit will cost me $200.00, but regardless of the cost, when the suit is new I am aware of it. But let me wear it long enough for it to feel natural and I will no longer be conscious of it. The same is true for a state. You may desire the state of fame. If you will think you are famous and remain conscious of the state long enough to make it natural, as the thoughts flow from you they become a natural part of your body of beliefs, and the world will proclaim your fame. ❞

❝ I urge you to use your own wonderful creative power and deliberately move into the state of your choice. Make it now by occupying the state long enough so that it feels natural. Haven’t you had a suit of clothes that felt so new you were conscious of them every moment? I know when I bought my first suit I walked down Fifth Avenue thinking everyone I passed knew my suit was new. People passing paid no attention to me, but I was so aware, so conscious of my new suit. That’s exactly that happens when you move into a new state. If the state of affluence is new, you think everyone knows it, but no one knows or cares whether you are rich or poor, so walk in the state until it becomes natural. The moment the feeling is natural, wealth is yours! ❞

𝐕. ENDING NOTE

i love you. read that again. you can do it. read that again. i am so so so so proud of you. read that again! you are so strong, you have SOO much potential and power. it’s time for you to tap into it, angel. stop making excuses. stop telling yourself you can’t do it. stop the nonsense! you’ve dealt with your hard circumstances long enough, it’s time for you to turn to the person who can make that change (you) and make it happen. i’m really sorry you have to go through what you did. you certainly do not deserve the unkind treatment. give yourself a hug and tell yourself that this. is. it. you’re going to make the change. you know it and i do too. it’s possible. nothing is impossible for the person who believes! keep the faith in yourself. nothing can stop you.

it’s like those movies where the mc finds out they hold so much power. they doubt it because of the life they’ve had so far but once they give it a shot, they become the most powerful hero ever. you are that hero!!!

i love you and i am, again, giving you the biggestttt hug ever.

now, with that being said, @blushydior​ will no longer be taking asks regarding this topic. i’ve cleared most of the questions that could ever arise. you don’t need my guidance anymore after this post! im seeing you off now. i love you. stay safe. know that you’re loved and hold the power to change your life.

— kisses from bambi ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

ps. make sure you clicked the words that have links! <3 (the links are missing)

𝐕𝐈. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Something you wish you could’ve told yourself before you manifested it all to make things easier for anyone struggling:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

you guys are beating yourself up for something so simple. take a step back and realize that. you’re already dealing with such hard circumstances, so why are you literally degrading yourself for something so within your power and reach? tell yourself everything is going to be okay. you’re always doing your best. you deserve the WORLD.

I could write a whole novel, combine all the posts on tumblr teaching the law of assumption, and every helpful ask out there but at the end of the day, YOU are the only person who could change your life. YOU make the call. turn every doubtful question to a positive one, when in doubt, turn inwards toward the 4D and know that it is real. it is done the second you affirmed it so.

SPEND TIME ALONE.

i can NOT stress this enough. i didn’t include the details of my time alone in phase 2 for nothing. you’ll see that you can answer your own questions. you’ll catch the thoughts you missed because you have always been so adamant on getting answers to questions you already knew. take a deep breathe and stay firm.

SEE WHAT’LL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T GIVE UP.

What did you affirm to get your dream life?

basically my affirmations i gave above and these. all i used were blanket affirmations.

What does persisting mean to you? What does persisting really feel like? Is it just like a mental diet? or what?

“persisting is sticking to what you want / the end no matter what you’re shown, told, and what you experience + picking yourself up after letting any negative emotions & thoughts pass by.” — blushydior from this ask here (sadly the link is missing:()

+ keeping your thoughts in line of the same category. to word this in a different way, i can affirm so many affirmations just as long as they mean the same thing to me!

“it also is a mental diet. we’re always persisting in something. it’s just a matter of what you’re persisting in. you either persist in your desire or negative/non-beneficial thought 24/7.”

“in your post about how you changed your life, you said you just affirmed and persisted. but from your other posts it seems like you read neville goddard books. so did you just affirm or did you do imaginal acts too? i get confused when people say “just affirm and persist” cause neville never said that.” (original ask here) (note from Eli: the link is missing).

“yes, i read his books and sometimes i would do imaginal acts but i would only do that bc it helped me get by my circumstances, yk? like if i was overwhelmed i would just daydream lol. its like how i read books to escape to another world. but i would say, affirming and persisting was what i focused more on.

i just used what worked for me and used his quotes as a reminder of the power of man. i didn’t want to bound myself to one’s teaching constantly worrying if im doing it “right” or not so instead, i went back to his quotes that consisted of telling me to persist, look inwards, finding confirmation in my imagination, etc whenever i needed a pick me up.

but correct me if i’m wrong, i’m pretty sure many of the success stories he shared consisted of people simply decreeing their desires and feeling the wish fulfilled simply by repetition and acceptance of their assumption.”

What is saturating your mind?

read about it here (the link is missing, but Basically it is repeating an affirmation every minute or hour until you feel fulfilled)

Do we have to believe our affirmations? Did you ever doubt the law in the process?

no, i did not believe my affirmations and YES of course i doubted the law but i kept persisting either way because what could i lose? and here i am.

Did you just affirm, persist, maintain a mental diet and that’s it? No SATS, going to the void, lullaby, repeating affirmations? Did you just got it sleep?

just affirming and persisting. sure, the occasional lullaby, i usually affirmed for 10 seconds max before i gave up. i couldn’t sleep without imagining some romantic scenario LOL #bambiexposed

How to deal with manipulation and narcissism?

remind yourself that you’re in advantage because you know about the law of assumption. life is a dream, you can literally have whatever you want just by affirming. if you know that, why allow yourself succumb to other people’s thoughts and beliefs? i couldn’t allow other people’s thoughts ruin my chance of living my dream life. the thought of it alone gave me the worst feeling.

How did you tackle the feelings of having no hope? + After being in the victim state for so long what did you do to get yourself out and actually stay out?

i persisted on loop whenever i doubted the law. i reminded myself that it doesn’t hurt to just be quiet, affirm and persist to live my dream life. just do it. you gain nothing from turning back to your old habits. see what’ll happen if you don’t give up. ❝ Do you always turn to your imagination and, no matter what happens, do you remain faithful to the state imagined? If you do, you have passed the test. But if every little rumor, doubt, or fear can move you around like a pawn on a chessboard, then you are not keeping the faith! ❞ ❝ Objects seem so independent of our perception of them that we incline to forget that they owe their origin to imagination.❞

What was the timeframe of when you got your desires?

about a week after deciding to be strict with self discipline, mind you, i was dealing with hard circumstances and intrusive thoughts for years. within this time span, i had entered sabbath so i immediately got my desires.

How did you kept a positive mindset when it looked like there was no movement?

refer back to phase 3

What was your affirming routine?

AT FIRST, when i started to get sick of overconsumption and not getting my desires, i knew my mind wasn’t saturated/my desires were not my dominant thoughts. so, i decided to be strict with myself. i reminded myself with pieces of paper in my room that said: ❝ PERSIST. new story only!❞ ❝ AFFIRM!❞

❝ 1.) the 3D conforms instantly.

2.) AFFIRM THE DESIRED

3.) BE LOT.❞

and taped them on the wall infront of my bed & one on my door so i can see it before i head out.

i didn’t need them anymore after a few days. (phase 3 & 4)

What did you do on all the days you woke up and things were still the same?

stop affirming that you don’t see results. i flipped the thought of “nothing’s changed.” to “i am in my desired reality, it is done.” and so on. be stern and remind yourself that you are in control. don’t fall prey to the 3D. turn inwards, find confirmation in the 4D. read quotes above.

How did you not react to the 3D?

i allowed myself to be angry. if i wanted to cry, i did. if i wanted to vent, i did. i ranted my feelings out in my head, aloud or in a journal then proceeded to go back to the new story after i cooled down.

But isn’t ranting “not letting the old story die out?”

you and i could rant until our minds are cleared, just as long as you flip my thoughts, you are on the right track. i ranted for 2% of my 24 hour days. the other 98% i was persisting in the fact that creation was done. as “time” went on, it began to feel more natural and i felt more at ease. i held onto that feeling because i knew this was when i would get my desires and i did. letting out and actually feeling your feelings is important. you’re not a robot.

Did you script how your life would be?

no.

(.𖥔 ݁ note from Eli: here's her post about her life before and After she changed it with LOA, anyway i wanted to make it in a post since the Google document can't let you make a copie of it and plus you can't take screenshots which René didn't allow)