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itwasrealtome · 9 months ago

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THIN ICE

Olivia Benson x fem! reader

⚠️ DO NOT READ IF THIS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU

ANGST | Olivia Benson x fem! detective reader | Masterlist

Summary : Detective Y/N Y/L/N, part of Olivia Benson’s Special Victims Unit, faces a life-threatening situation during a suspect’s arrest, chasing this one into an ultimate falls to his death. Injured but alive, Y/N finds herself in an hospital room, receiving stern words from Olivia about her reckless actions.

A/N : Hello my loves. I'm finally sharing this first Olivia X reader with you. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. There are a few people I can't identify in the taglist, I'm sorry.

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•••

This afternoon, the streets seemed even more crowded than usual. The vehicles flooded the roads, coming from every corner and blocking the main way out.

Behind a queue of about ten of them, a police car came to a sudden halt. The alarm was on, and the blue and red flashing lights blinded anyone who looked in that direction.

But no one moved.

Not even the sound of a horn persuaded the citizens of New York to get out of the path.

Amanda’s grip on the wheel only tightened. She had never been able to understand the reason behind people’s insensitivity to this kind of thing. It was such an easy thing to understand. Besides, someone’s life often depended on it. Yet, there she was, turning furiously midway, her partner gasping in surprise, her shirt now stained with hot coffee.

— Dude, can’t you just warn before doing that kind of thing?

The blonde gave a brief glance to her passenger. She expected to find her glued to the door, her fingers clenched around the top handle, but she didn’t.

Y/N was desperately trying to absorb the contents of her cup on her worktop. The wipers provided with her order, finally finding their use.

While most people would have been annoyed about staining a piece of clothing, the young detective was not. She seemed much more upset about losing a few drops of her beverage. The former could still be replaced, but the latter was definitely needed.

— Sorry about your shirt.

— Yeah, well you owe me a coffee.

The driver’s smile only widened when she heard her partner muttering complaints. She knew her well enough to say that it had nothing to do with that slight accident. It was cute. Of course, it was. But Amanda could see through it. She knew it had nothing to do with the coffee. Sure, the days were long and their job involved finding stimulants to stay awake, but Y/N was never acting like that. Something was different. And who better to notice than someone who practically lived with her?

— Sure you’re okay?

— Rollins, it’s just a shirt. I think I can get over it.

Amanda gave her a knowing glance. She expected this kind of answer from the young officer. Everyone knew what kind of person she was.

Committed, she was always the first to arrive at the precinct and the last to leave. She was practically married to the job by now. And though Kat had trouble following orders, Y/N did not. She was the perfect partner. Amanda couldn’t remember a time when Y/N had lost control. But these days, everything seemed to fall apart.

It began with a couple of small comments, here and there, a bit too harsh coming from Y/N’s mouth. Next up, her silence during the team talk was a concerning factor for Amanda. If anyone always had something to add to the investigation, it was her. This ranged from a simple detail no one had noticed, to scientific or sociological facts. It was often complicated to keep the detective quiet, so her lack of involvement was bound to catch the eye. That and the fact the blonde had seen her leave the bunks two mornings in a row at the exact same time.

Sure, it was just the addition of minor details. But the older woman’s gut was not wrong, not about this. Something was wrong with her partner. And it had nothing to do with a simple lack of caffeine.

— Oh, don’t give me that kind of look.

— But you’re not telling me the truth, Y/N/N!

Y/N huffed quietly. At times in her life, she hated being around people whose job was to investigate. She cursed them all equally. She just couldn’t help herself the last few days. Her anger was aimed at a specific and unique person, but that person being in law enforcement themselves, it was almost overwhelming to go to work every day. Time seemed to run too slowly there. The only moments she enjoyed were those outside the building. The cold New York weather allowed her to clear her mind and take a deep breath. And she always had something to do, after all the city never slept.

—Like you don’t keep anything to yourself, huh?

Amanda faintly spluttered. Everyone knew she had had difficult times, but she wasn't the only one. And now that she was honest with herself, she knew she had made mistakes. One thing’s for sure, she did not want her partner to replicate these.

— I made some mistakes, most of them I don’t want you to repeat.

— I seriously doubt you did this one.

That was all she could get out of the young detective. Amanda knew it as she watched her turn toward the window. The mere reflection of her face gave her a glimpse of what she was really feeling inside, a sweet mixture of anger and bitterness. Whatever the problem was, it wasn't something they could fix with a drink. And this worried the blonde even more.

— Just promise me you won't do anything stupid.

These words captured the passenger's interest again. She arched an eyebrow at her partner, a smile forming at the corner of her lips. Knowing their duo’s dynamics, she had dozens of retorts on the tip of her tongue, all of them a little more mischievous than the last. Instead, she just shook her head gently. Amanda didn't have to know how upset she was about the whole thing. She didn’t deserve to worry so much. And Y/N certainly had no right to be such a burden to her partner.

— Like what? Jumping off a building? y/n chuckled at the blonde’s glare. Relax. I won’t do anything of that kind, I promise.

At that very moment, the young detective genuinely meant it. She had not gotten up with such an idea in mind. If jumping off a building was regarded as a very stupid gesture, she considered her routine more so.

It was in the way the precinct’s bunks were beginning to feel like home. And how she spent every second of her days with the badge on her waist. She had no idea when she had last stepped into her apartment for more than a shower. Her desk was overflowing with paperwork and books in which she always found a way to bury herself. It was much more than a way to distract herself. At all costs, she avoided raising her head, out of fear of meeting the gaze that froze her every time. The path she was on was, for that matter, significantly more dangerous than whatever stupid thing Amanda was thinking about.

But she could not say that to her.

To anyone, actually.

— Weren't we just called to make sure that this jerk wasn't prowling around the residence?

In any other context, Y/N would have felt like a fool. Her back nearly arched as she tried to make out what was going on in a street they weren't even close to yet. She may have lacked sleep and insight into her personal life, but her cop intuition never failed her.

— You'd be sure of that if you'd listened to a single word the captain said.

— Something’s wrong.

Amanda brought them to the next intersection before momentarily stopping the car. The sight over her partner’s shoulder sent a chill down her spine. Despite years of experience, she couldn’t help but feel a rush of adrenaline every time. The crowd of cops down the street certainly wasn’t helping. They were everywhere. Mostly hidden behind their vehicles. But their vests did not go unnoticed and neither did their weapons pointed at a specific target.

— Crap, I hate when you’re right about this stuff.

— Hum…what was that you were saying about our captain again? y/n faced her friend with a teasing smile on her face. She couldn’t help herself. Always listen to what sh–

The sudden acceleration of the vehicle silenced Y/N. She felt grateful once again that her belt was keeping her safe. No day went by without her being in some kind of danger, but she never thought she’d have to worry about dying while Amanda was behind the wheel.

— Would you please stop doing that? cried the younger detective, her hands still clutching the top handle. And since when do you drive so badly? Damn it.

— Guess now you’ll stop driving like a maniac if I let you get behind the wheel.

The door swung shut before she could react. She stepped out of the car herself and walked over to Amanda. A vest was tossed in her face before she could even think about opening her mouth. But anyone who thought she would have given up so easily was wrong.

— I do not drive like a maniac.

Her friend gave her a knowing look as she closed the trunk. Now was definitely not the time to have this kind of conversation, but Amanda was glad her partner hadn’t lost everything that made her the person she was.

She was relentless, both in her work and in her personal life. To be defeated by a suspect in an interrogation room was a rare occurrence. Within the profession, many officers wondered about her career choice. They could imagine her leaving the field to terrify judges in a courtroom. Perhaps because they were themselves scared to death to face her. Seeking victory in a debate with a woman like Y/N was a waste of time. She knew when she was wrong, and would always acknowledge it. Nevertheless, she also knew when she was right. And in those moments, Amanda was the first to grab a bag of popcorn.

— That you do.

The detective’s hands found the velcro on the vest from memory as she was too busy glowering at her friend. The protection weighed on her shoulders. It was almost enough to give her a reason to fall apart. That, and the weight of life that was beginning to take its toll on her.

Slightly defeated, she stomped over to Amanda to catch up with her. She knew the other detective was right. Her anger was evident in the way she drove. Since then, she was assigned the role of co-pilot. It was okay. But she loathed being deprived of her usual distraction. It was starting to loop in her mind. She needed a way out.

— Detective Rollins and Y/L/N, Special Victims Unit.

Amanda shoved her badge in the man’s direction, half-expecting him to tell her to piss off. He dominated the scene with his large stature and a rank evident to all. The rookies were following his orders and keeping their mouths shut. Something that obviously wouldn't work with Olivia Benson-trained agents. He didn't seem to mind, guiding the two detectives as close as possible to the scene. But then, the mere idea of having to send men into the building made him raise his chin in an authoritative, disapproving manner.

— Our only witness is trapped in this building, Rollins began the fight, finger pointing accusingly. I don't care how, I want that man in custody.

If one of them had looked up for even half a second, instead of fighting over who had the biggest –which was obviously Y/N in this situation– they might have been able to stop the young detective in her tracks. Amanda had had enough of listening to the man's whining as he waved his rank in her face. And her colleague, the one she was supposed to look after, was tired of simply waiting.

As discreet as a mouse in the middle of the city, Y/N circled the building and quickly found a fire escape. It wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind when the impulse to walk into the building first came to her, but she couldn't really say she'd given it much thought. With a bit of imagination, and a little help from a trash container, she managed to pull herself up to the top. Now, maybe that was the beginning of a crazy idea. She could already imagine her partner and captain scolding her - if, and only if, she managed to get out of there alive and intact.

At the top of the stairs leading to the third floor, the detective stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of their suspect's agitated voice.

Thomas Patterson, 45, suspected of having violently abused his wife before killing her, and of abusing his stepdaughter - Johanne Morales. The man's profile was clear: a respectful-looking husband and father-in-law, loved by all, carefree, but once the door was closed he turned into a control freak with urges he simply couldn't escape. He clearly hadn't planned to kill his wife. The autopsy had revealed signs of haste and mistakes that a man like Patterson would never have made if he had prepared properly. But he had made mistakes. His blows had been too violent, Johanne had interrupted him, and he'd had to finish the job quickly - too quickly, in order to hide his crime.

Y/N had studied his profile carefully. That's what she did best, that and avoiding her captain. She knew he was restless, nervous, ready to do anything to cover up his actions. The final piece of the puzzle was to eliminate the only witness, the one who would go all the way to court to see him take the fall. She had an advantage over him. She was there, so close to the goal, and he was unaware of her presence. At least, that was until Amanda's voice came through the radio.

— Y/L/N, you've got two seconds to get your butt over here.

The young detective could have banged her own head against the wall. Boy, had she been stupid on that one. She clenched her jaw, the urge to bite her fist growing cumbersome as she prayed Thomas hadn't heard. But he definitely did.

A front door opened slowly, the creaking hinges betraying the building’s condition. The man was probably armed, the sound of the guard echoing in the empty corridor. Each of his steps shook the wooden floor and sent a current of adrenalin through Y/N's veins. He was getting closer. She could smell him and his perfume. Him and her fear.

As soon as he was close enough to round the corner of the stairwell, the young detective took this as her cue. She charged at the man, her hands reaching for the 9mm held firmly in his rough, bleeding hands. In a split second, the magazine slid out and collapsed on the floor. She sent it tumbling down a few steps with her boot, before landing a knee into the suspect’s parts. This only confused him for the briefest moment. He was on her again before she could even flinch. Her body hit the wall with a heavy thud, the vest shielding her body from the heavy impact. However, the man’s hands found her neck and tightened their grip, pulling her head violently forward and then pushing it back, slamming it against the concrete wall.

He repeated the motion twice more, the detective’s pleas of pain provoking a feeling he himself could not begin to describe. Y/N wasn’t done with him yet. He clearly wanted to lash out at a woman and had a nasty habit of underestimating them all. Only, today wasn’t his lucky day. He was forced into the apartment where he had deliberately tied up the young Johanne. It was his turn to bang into something. The dresser barely tilted behind him, but the vase crashed hard against the top of his skull. He felt the water run down his face, the smell of freshly bought flowers wafting through the air.

Back in a corner, Johanne tried desperately to struggle out of her bonds, her words puffed out by the duct tape over her mouth. She could only witness the struggle between her back-up and her assailant. Watching as Y/N unloaded all her pent-up anger on the man who had dared to cause so much harm. In one smooth motion, Thomas grabbed the detective’s gun, a triumphant glint in his eyes. Hope was soon lost, his chances of getting out of there alive and free close to zero. His opponent was relentless and had no intention of letting him slip away. His only option, he realized, a flash of light reflecting off the window, was to drag the detective with him in his fall.

Outside, Amanda was still arguing with the man in charge of operations. He hadn’t given up and neither had she. Only when, as the argument continued to escalate, gunshots were heard, followed by the shattering of a window pane, did they come to an agreement. The plan didn’t even have time to take shape before two bodies flew out of the building.

First, the blonde saw the man she recognized as their suspect crash hard to the ground, the collision knocking him down instantly. Then came a tremendous thump and the shrill sound of a car alarm. Straight ahead of her, on one of the patrol cars, had landed Y/N. The height of the fall meant that the roof of the vehicle had been crushed and some of the windows smashed. That wasn't what Amanda was most worried about. Her partner, the one who'd promised her she wouldn't do anything stupid – like jumping off the third floor of a building, was sprawled motionless on the broken glass, blood on the back of her skull.

— Oh my God, Y/N, in one stride, she was as close as she could get to her friend. Call an ambulance. Now!

For once, the man made himself useful, radio in hand, as he asked for help. He now stood with one, maybe two, even three victims to deal with if the detective didn't make it. He could already imagine the damage it would do to his career. Besides, he knew Captain Benson very well and had no desire to mess with her.

Needless was his worry. The more Amanda studied her friend, the more she realized how lucky she’s been. Y/N was simply stunned, staring at the New York sky with an uncharacteristic intensity. She began to laugh, full-throated, heartily. It was probably the adrenaline pumping again. Tears joined the party, leaving funny marks on her bloody cheeks. Suddenly, she remembered.

— Johanne. She's alive. Up there. Y/N looked up at Amanda expectantly. She needs help.

***

Captain Olivia Benson had seen enough in her career not to let anxiety get the better of her. She had been beaten, kidnapped, almost died and dragged through the mud in front of an entire courtroom. She had reached a point where facing certain types of suspects no longer made her lose her footing.

But someone was bound to make her lose it.

Briskly, almost to the point of knocking herself off her feet, she made her way through the corridors of a hospital she knew all too well. The distinctive clatter of her heels against the floor blended perfectly with the incessant beeping and distant hubbub of such a place. She wasn't there to see a victim, as she often was. Her hasty and agitated demeanor only aroused the suspicions of the medical staff who had crossed paths with her so many times. It wasn't just a professional matter.

It hadn't been for a long time.

When Olivia reached room 212, she didn't spare a moment's hesitation. One of her youngest detectives and latest recruit was sitting wisely on the edge of the bed, her legs wriggling in the air like a child's. A nurse was visibly busy behind her, dropping more and more glass flakes into her tray as she went. She leaned against the doorframe, arms folded tightly against her chest, eyes focused on the sight that made her stomach hurt in spite of herself.

She watched as Y/N's chest, covered in dried blood, continued to pulsate with every breath, as hematomas were already starting to spread across her face and torso, and as her plain face twisted in pain as soon as the nurse reached for another piece of glass. Just a few days ago, her first instinct would have been to rush to her protégé’s side and calm the agony she knew to be growing in her heart. But she'd vowed to keep her distance and stay in her current position: Captain Benson, unit chief.

All too quickly for the young detective's liking, the nurse finished her treatment and left the two law enforcement agents behind. Olivia had had the decency to wait until the door was closed before lashing out at her, which didn't stop Y/N from rolling her eyes. She'd already imagined this conversation - or rather, monologue - and knew she wouldn't come out of it unscathed. She'd probably lose her badge. No matter, she'd already lost her heart.

— Have you completely lost your mind? You could’ve been killed.

This was the cue for a lengthy sermon that she couldn't escape. The words left Olivia's mouth at a speed that seemed unbearable. She paced back and forth, her arms stretching out in waves of frustration and indignation, her cheeks rosy with emotion. She'd done some stupid things herself when she was just a rookie, but throwing herself off the third floor of a building had never been on the list.

— Are you done? y/n arched an eyebrow as Olivia finally paused. I saved a life today. While Amanda and that jerk were fighting over who had the biggest, which apparently I did.

— No, you refused to follow orders. Not only did you put yourself in danger, you put everyone's lives in danger. Heaven help us again that you were wearing your vest, otherwise it could have been a lot worse.

— I don't know why you care so much, you're just my boss!

Although these words were intended to hurt Olivia, it was Y/N who took the brunt of the blow. It was one thing to know that their relationship had been reduced to this, but it was quite another to admit it in person. The brunette was no longer entitled to worry so much, to ask her to watch out and send her a text as soon as she got home. Whatever had been was no more.

— Right, Olivia broke into an almost scoffing snort. Let me tell you, as your captain, that you won't be leaving the precinct for a long time.

— You’re benching me? Liv, you can’t do this!

— What you did was completely irresponsible. You don't want to follow orders, fine. But you're not leaving this desk without my permission.

The young detective had been holding her breath for a long time– far too long. She'd spent days avoiding conflict, lamenting in her corner, mourning the end of a story she'd thought would last forever. It wasn't just about what had just happened, it was something else, something more personal. She felt as if Olivia had no idea how to express her concern, as if her only option was to play the role of the big bad boss. But she was tired of hiding, of running away, of avoiding confrontation.

— Breaking my heart wasn't enough for you, uh? She rose from the bed, hastily putting on her jacket. If you want me to leave the squad, just say so.

For the first time, she faced her head-on. Head held high, eyebrows furrowed in frustration, ready to stand on tiptoe if that would help reach the brunette's height. She faced those brown pearls with all the courage she had left, her own eyes misty with tears she'd never let flow. This was it, so close yet so far, two souls who knew each other becoming strangers once again.

Olivia reached out with a last ounce of regret, brushing away a tear that had escaped down the young detective's cheek with the tip of her thumb. Her heart urged her to do more, to embrace this bruised woman, to bring her all the comfort she needed. She wanted to take Y/N home, wrap her in one of her shirts, tell her how much she loved her. In another life, where they were just two soul mates, where Olivia didn't have to worry about repercussions, whatever they might be. This was where she could find comfort.

— Go home. Take a few days. Get some rest. We'll talk about it when you get back.

The New Yorker had rarely seen a face shattered in a matter of seconds. Her words had urged Y/N to free herself from her hold, her head heavy and spinning from all the hassle and concussion she'd picked up from the blows. Her shoulder nudged her superior's as she walked by, a gesture of no little importance. She did not look back once to meet her former lover's gaze again.

Maybe she should have.

Maybe she would have seen the same love, the same tears, that Olivia saw in her eyes.

Maybe the ice wasn't so thin after all.

•••

Taglist: @electricboost @womenlovingwomen-imagines @hi-1-1-blog @emskisworld @enjoytheentireworld @arie109 @marvelandotheruniverseslover-adhd @philocalistwrites @wittygutsy @observeowl @ravennewlyn @tina-2005 @makkaroni221 @ssaaggwwaa @youdontknowwhotfiamm @mmmmokdok @hbkpop @micaluvssoccer @idk-whats-wrong-with-me-blog @nciscmjunkie @moonlightjxuregui @thefatobsession @12fluffybunny12 @scarletwitcher97 @thesamesweetie @idonothingallday @clozeliz @realgirlbossqueenslay @l4yne @rain-mikaelson @fanfiction-24824 @sammi1642 @inquisitive-nix @namelesscheshire @slasherthrillss @marvelwomenrule @irishavengersassemble @marvelwomenrule

#olivia benson x reader #law and order svu #oneshot #angst #amanda rollins x reader #olivia benson

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pseudophan · 3 days ago

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What's the context for this? https://www.tumblr.com/pseudophan/787184045788479488/hi-nora-i-just-wanted-to-remind-you-that-youre?source=share

I tried looking in your archive under #phan but there's so much haha

basically phannies mostly stopped using the #phan tag on here years ago because they decided it was cringe all of a sudden (and some thought dan and phil had a problem with it), but i, being really stubborn and professionally annoying, always thought that was bullshit and kept using it for ages still. of course because no one used that tag we stopped doing well on the tumblr fandometrics top ships lists, which we used to dominate back in the day. that wasn't really an issue for years because dnp were pretty quiet outside of their solo stuff and the very occasional joint content, but then they came back and we all went batshit again and i was just looking at the fandometrics ships like... i know this is super silly, but i love winning and we definitely have the numbers to be on here, like we SHOULD be at least top 10 with the amount we're posting about them, it's just that no one uses the ship tag anymore because it's "embarrassing" or whatever. anyway like i said, i'm annoying and stubborn, so i made a few posts essentially being like "hey i know everyone thinks tagging phan is cringe now but can we start doing it again anyway because i want to win this thing please" and i honestly didn't think that many people would agree and start doing it but it kind of spread like wildfire lmao 😭 the more people started tagging it the more followed because i guess it's less embarrassing if everyone else is doing it too, and when dan and phil posted their videos on here people would reply to their posts telling them to also tag phan to help us win, and it worked! i think the first one they tagged was one of the twitter reaction videos? i was in the queue to see tit when they posted it so it's a bit of a blur, but yeah i'm pretty sure dan tagged phan and we were all like 👀 wait did he just do that because it's a phan twitter/tumblr video or did he see us asking them to help us out by tagging it 👀 and then he tagged his next post phan also and i've never been happier lmfao, HUGE win. phil joined in too and now they're gonna do it forever i guess. one time dan forgot but went back to add it like an hour later, which is honestly just very sweet

idk why this ended up so long and detailed i'm sorry, i'm supposed to be asleep rn but apparently i'm unable to do that so i'm deliriously rambling instead. hope this provided the context you wanted though 😭

tl;dr: i asked everyone to start tagging phan again for the tumblr fandometrics and a bunch of people actually did, then we got dan and phil to join in and now they tag phan on all their tumblr posts

for the record i'm not saying i personally did much here lol, all i did was go 'hey cringe is dead lets tag phan again' and people did. guess everyone was just waiting for an excuse

#why am i awake #well i know why i was busy discussing hacks yuri #but still. why am i awake #answered

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wishingstarinajar · 6 months ago

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Hello Wish! I'm a refugee from the world of the blue bird. (X marks the spot and all that, yuck) I was wondering if you have any advice to someone starting out tumblr? What and when should you reblog? Is it rude to only do that and not have original content in your profile? How does this all work?

Welcome to Tumblr!

Sure thing. Lemme drabble down a little list for you:

First, get yourself an avatar and a bio/description to set yourself apart from the dreadful bots. You don't have to go personal or deep with your bio/description, you only need to show you're human so people won't block and/or report you. (If you want to follow 18+ blogs, an indication of your age in your bio might be useful but not a must!)

Reblogging is preferred over Liking posts and is also highly encouraged here on Tumblr. There is no algorithm here so reblogs make the world go round. That said, if you only Like stuff and hardly reblog, then that's fine too so don't feel forced.

You reblog whatever you want to and how often you like. It's your blog, you cater to yourself and your interests. You aren't responsible for anyone else's eyes, morals, or whatever else. Be free!

You're allowed to reblog super old posts. It's not weird or intrusive, dig up those fossils and show them off!

You don't have to post any original posts if you don't want to. Being a reblog blog is just as valid of a use of Tumblr. Just avoid being seen as a bot and you can reblog to your heart's content.

If you reblog a post with tags (tags related to the contents of the post), you get bonus internet points. Tags also help with making posts easier to find on your blog (or filter for your followers).

You may leave compliments in a reblog's tags or tack a description with your thoughts, additional info, or compliments to the reblog. If you do this, you very often make the OP's (Original Poster) day!

Hateful tags and responses or unwanted criticism attached to a reblog are not tolerated so please don't.

Tumblr has a queuing system so you can pre-set when reblogs appear on your blog and your followers' dashboards, especially when you have tons of reblogs and wish to spread them across a few days or hours. You can queue posts by selecting "Schedule" after clicking the downward arrow next to "Post now" or "Reblog" at the bottom of a post/reblog.

If you decide to reblog mostly spicy/suggestive content, a warning in your bio or pinned post is appreciated (but not a must!).

Tumblr has a mute/filter option for both tags and post content. Go absolutely crazy with this if there are certain subjects or (trigger) words that could ruin your day. This goes for blocking as well. Be kind to yourself, block and mute/filter generously.

If you've blocked someone, their posts might still appear on your dashboard through someone else's reblogs. Put that blocked user's name in "Filtered Post Content" and you won't quickly see them again.

Hope this will help you get comfy on Tumblr. Enjoy your stay!

#q and a #tumblr etiquette #tumblr 101 #tumblr tips #tumblr stuff

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messycunt · 2 years ago

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No thoughts, only Leona and Tummy bulges

-🌸

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE GRUMPY LION i never manage to post birthday stuff on time so I'm super proud of being able to queue this in advance even tho I rushed it!

small context that's kinda not needed; reader missed leonas party so he's a lil sour abt that lol

cw: afab reader, creampie, size kink, scratching and biting but no blood, not proof read

it gets so fucking hot in savanaclaw.

now that the sun has set its not that bad though. mostly anyway, the last rays of light casting gorgeous pink and orange hues visible through the wide open aired windows of the dorm. you're much too preoccupied to worry about any of that even though you should be, nrc does have a somewhat enforced curfew afterall. something to consider tomorrow maybe.

for hours its been like this; chest to your back, a hot mouth pressed against your neck leaving a path of wet bites and kisses, sharp freshly manicured nails(a 2 days early birthday gift from vil of all people apparently, how sweet…) digging into the fat of backs of your thighs to keep them pushed up to your chest and spread open. leona did almost all of the work for you, stuffing your cunt and bouncing your body up and back down on his lap.

grunting and panting against your neck he moves a hand from your thigh to push against your lower stomach. he can feel himself filling you and you squeal at the pressure. he mumbles a strained 'fuuuuck' under his breath before lifting you off of him, scoffing teasingly at your whine from the loss of him inside of you. you're pushed down onto the bed on all fours, your lion towers over you from behind.

a pile of gifts sits in the corner of his room. its not even half of what he received today in total since he gave most of it away in the last few hours, whatever ruggie didn't manage to already get his paws on anyways.

you face it now and leona's sliding himself back into you leaning over your much smaller body and nipping at the nape of your neck. a warm careful hand moving to where you both were joined to push and rub at your clit in slow lazy circles timed differently from his thrusts. he could feel your cunt pulsing with your heartbeat.

a few tags have long carefully written notes with long titles signed in gorgeous typography too small and loopy for you to read with your clouded mind and tears of pleasure filled eyes. most are written simply 'to: leona'.

he hums pleased with himself when you cum against him from his fingers(sure to have you finish first how princely!) popping his fingers into his mouth to lick clean and moan and slowing his thrusts.

his sweat drips down on your back to mix with your own. a growl sounds from behind you, weight is shifted to lean atop you more forcefully and nails dig again against your tummy. feeling again how he makes room for himself inside of you, he loves it. skin to skin for a second he stills and you gasp.

he fills your already warmer than warm insides with his own liquid heat and your toes curl. your gift to him and his gift to you.

face still smushed against the mattress and drool pooling in your mouth you mumble "happy 'irthday my prince". he simply grunts in acknowledgement, eyes already closed. he flops to lay on his slide facing you, fast asleep.

even if you went through with the effort to wake him up from his dead sleep you can already hear his tired mumbles of 'jus' clean up later' and 'ill walk you back to ramshackle tomorrow' before falling back asleep. so you leave him, snuggling up next to him silently and falling into a dreamless sleep.

#ask!#twst smut #wrk!#leona kingsholar x reader #leona x reader #leona smut #-🌸

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elronds-library · 7 months ago

Note

I think your blog is great! I've started noticing a little smattering of kudos when you share one of my older works (even, sometimes, a comment!). Thank you for sifting up older works for the fandom's (re)consideration.

Secondly, I haven't noticed them on your blog (it's possible I don't know how to search tags) and I think you would love three of my favourite authors jouissant, lonelyvisitor, and clovis_unleashed.

Now, I know this isn't an author rec blog, so here are three works to get the collection started (rather obviously reflecting my tastes).

rules of betrayal by clovis_unleashed (@tobermoriansass)

arrangement for flute and harp by jouissant (@jouissants)

Boys' Trip by lonelyvisitor (@i-am-a-lonely-visitor)

None of them knowing I am sending this. I am sorry for embarrassing you, friends 🫣

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for this! The extra kudos and comments for my favorite authors is exactly what I hoped to achieve with this project, so I'm so happy to hear it's working :D

I will certainly check out their works and add them to the queue (which is currently about 4 months deep; over 750 posts and I'm adding to it pretty much daily).

Funnily enough, I had reread 'arrangement for flute and harp' the day you sent this!

(And I think our tastes are pretty similar, fwiw, so thank you for some fantastic reads)

As usual, proper posts for all of these fantastic recs to come in the next few hours.

#elrond answers #community recommendations

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sluttyten · 2 years ago

Text

You In My Arms

Chapter 5: Risk and Reward

full masterlist || haechan masterlist || YIMA chapter index

summary: haechan sees lots of things he's not meant to see, but finally he sees something that has been right in front of him all this time

length: 13,971 words

tags: voyeurism, exhibitionism, slowburn, friends to lovers, masturbation, general perversion, smut

previous chapter || next chapter

There were moments Haechan felt like he was drowning.

With finals, working at the restaurant, searching for a job to jumpstart his career, and graduation preparations as the semester dwindles down, Haechan doesn’t have much time to do anything else. Not even his creepy perversions.

He isn’t given the chance for a repeat performance with Jeno and Jaemin, though he thinks about the night he watched them from across the room fairly often. Luckily, things continue as normal with his friends. They don’t treat him any differently except for the morning after all that.

Jeno had cornered Haechan on the front porch of the house before he left. “Don’t tell anyone about this. I know how you get, Haechan. How you were with Shotaro and his girlfriend. Now that you know about Jaemin and I, now that you’ve watched us, just keep it to yourself. Please. We’ll tell everyone when we’re ready.”

Now, that situation back in October was a bit different. Haechan had liked Shotaro’s girlfriend; his actions had been rooted in jealousy. There’s nothing like that involving either Jaemin or Jeno, so Haechan vows to keep his silence.

Sure, some nights when he just needs to relieve a bit of stress he’ll queue up the video from that night of his two friends, have a quick wank before passing out for the night, but he doesn’t get the chance to watch anyone again or even so much as eavesdrop since YangYang and his pretty girl had stopped seeing each other.

Haechan focuses on staying afloat in his life during the last few weeks of the semester. He keeps his eyes on his future, a rapidly approaching moment sitting on the horizon.

Perhaps he clings on to a few particularly happy moments — the lifesavers keeping him adrift in the chaotic sea that is those last few weeks of the semester.

He holds close to his heart the memories from the night he hangs out at the rental house playing video games and drinking (and reminiscing until they’re all crying, but they don’t talk about the tears afterwards); only him, Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung were there that night, just as they had been from the start when twists of fate threw them all together here at the university.

Haechan fondly remembers snippets of moments with friends between classes: dancing and joking around with Shotaro, playing basketball with Chenle and Mark, grabbing coffees between classes with the girl he shares almost all of his classes with — the day that she almost laughed so hard her drink almost came out her nose, all because he’d accidentally smeared the whipped cream from his drink all across his upper lip.

He remembers one of those nights when the season was still fluctuating between hot days and cool, dewy nights. Several of them had gone bowling and then gone for ice cream; it was silly and felt a bit childish as they piled candy on top of scoops of ice cream, all of them talking loudly over each other and laughing until the workers at the ice cream place were glaring at them.

They’d taken their ice creams to go, sat in the park across the street even though the night had grown misty and cold. There were a few small, round tables squeezed together on a square patch of concrete, and that’s where they all sat.

Haechan found himself seated with Jeno and her. She’d spent the last fifteen minutes telling them all she really needed to be getting home, trying to convince Haechan that they should’ve both stayed at their dorms to study for the exam they had the following day. He wouldn’t be convinced of that, and had actually convinced her instead that she needed ice cream. So here they sat, laughing and eating ice cream with their friends even though the night couldn’t be more than a handful of degrees above freezing.

Xiaojun was sitting at the other table, telling everyone who would listen that his mint chocolate monstrosity of ice cream was delicious — covered in hot fudge and Oreo bits and small chunks of chocolatey mints.

Beside Haechan, she wrinkled her nose.

“Not a fan of mint chocolate?” Haechan asked.

She shook her head. “Nope. Tastes like toothpaste.”

Haechan laughed, fully in agreement. “So what did you get?” He looked at the cup of pink ice cream in front of her, the ice cream almost hidden beneath flecks of rainbow and bits of chocolate and something else. “Unicorn Shit?”

She’d glared, Jeno laughed, and Haechan reached over with his spoon to steal a bite of her ice cream before she could protest. It had been fruity — probably strawberry — with brownie and cheesecake, rainbow sprinkles and chocolate shavings. She’d stared in open-mouthed shock as he shoved a heaping spoonful of her ice cream into his mouth.

He’d gotten brain freeze from it, but it had been worth it. She was the picture of irritation with her lips pressed together and her fingers tapping on the table, and Haechan made it up to her by surrendering to her the rest of his own ice cream as he went around to sample the rest of their friends’ ice creams (except for Xiaojun’s MinCho Monstrosity.)

Perhaps it had been the mingling of all of his friends’ germs in his mouth that resulted a few days later in a brutal cold that stole his voice. It was miserable with a headache and congestion and a sore throat for days, and even after most of his symptoms were alleviated, his voice only slowly returned to him.

“Gonna kiss a prince to make your voice return, Little Mermaid?” YangYang teased him one day while Haechan’s voice was still barely more than a raspy whisper. Haechan threw himself at YangYang, trying to wrestle him and steal a kiss, which just ended up with Haechan pinned to the floor while YangYang blushed and shouted that that’s not what he meant.

It takes a few more days, but soon Haechan’s voice is almost completely returned. His voice is still fragile enough as to embarrass him by cracking like a boy freshly thrown into puberty, but that doesn’t hold Haechan back from attending a job interview for a job he desperately wanted. A position at the Neo Corporation, headed by Johnny Suh who had graduated at the end of Haechan’s first semester of university.

He shouldn’t be at all surprised when he walks in and sees her there waiting for an interview. They’ve been studying towards the same degree since the start; she also knew Johnny in that first semester. But she sits there fidgeting while waiting to be called back for her interview, and Haechan knows he should be running over the interview questions he’d been preparing, but he studies her from the corner of his eye instead.

She won’t stop fidgeting nervously, tucking a loose curl of hair behind her ear only for it to fall back in front of her eyes as soon as she bows her head forward. She crosses and uncrosses her ankles, bounces a foot, shifts her weight a little too far when she goes to cross one leg over the other and nearly loses her balance.

Haechan laughs a bit to himself when he remembers that just the night before they’d been hanging out with all their friends. They’d taken a group picture to commemorate the friendship, with everyone all together, and she’d stood right there by Haechan. He’d just simply tried to pose with her, but she’d nearly fallen over as soon as he touched her. He’d steadied her, his hand on her waist just long enough for the picture.

But that was enough.

The rest of the night he could smell her shampoo or her perfume or whatever it was. Like those three seconds of contact had been enough to get her scent all over him. It hadn’t helped when she sat down beside him to sing more karaoke songs. His voice was still a little too hoarse for him to want to damage it more by singing his heart out all night like he really wanted to do, so he’d sat there quietly all night in control of the song selections. But Haechan had wanted to sing along with her when she chose some of his favorite ballad songs.

Earlier in the night she’d made a request to sing “You In My Arms” by Yoo Jaeha, and Haechan had been stunned. He had a little bit of a history with that song, he liked it, and hearing someone sing it (and sing it fairly well) had just been really nice.

He’s still thinking of that, replaying the fond memories of the night before, when she’s called back for her interview. Not even a minute later, someone named Lee Taeyong calls Haechan back for his interview.

Turns out Mr. Lee was basically Mr. Suh's right hand man. He seemed like a cool guy, he took a quick liking to Haechan, and the interview was done pretty quickly with a job offer at the end.

Haechan floated out of the Neo Corporation’s building on Cloud Nine, and it only got better when he saw his friend exiting just ahead of him. She was smiling and glowing, her eyes alight as she tipped her head back to the sunlight.

He probably didn’t even need to ask, but he wanted her to realize he was standing behind her, so he asked, “Well, how did it go?”

She spun around, looking a little startled, but she relaxed as soon as she laid eyes on him, though she still seemed surprised to see him. He watched as her emotions painted a clear picture on her face, the way that her eyes lit up and a smile grew on her lips.

She was radiating happiness and a golden glow, like she was full of sunlight. Her hands came up to her cheeks, hiding her brilliant smile a bit as she said, “I got the job!” And wrapped in her happiness, it took a moment before her eyes went a little wide and she asked, “And what about you?”

A little smugly perhaps, Haechan responded, “I got it too, of course.”

Her little warm bubble of happiness looked inviting, and Haechan wanted to be a part of it. So he walked up to her, put his arm around her shoulders, and said, “You already know I could charm my way into anything.”

She screwed her face up, pushed a hand weakly at him as if to push him away. There’s no real force behind it, and the way that the corner of her mouth quirked up a little and she relaxed into him, Haechan knew that she didn’t really want him to move away. Even when she started walking, Haechan stuck with her, and he laughed when she light-heartedly complained, “So I’m stuck with you even after graduation?”

She didn’t sound even remotely serious. As a matter of fact, Haechan thought she might have even sounded a little bit hopeful, but that could just be him putting his own inflection on her words as they repeated in his ears.

It’s a nice feeling knowing that even when most of their friends were going to be moving away, they would at least still have each other. And that’s a certainty as they made a promise to each other standing there on the sidewalk, pinky fingers wrapped together, a light breeze blowing that loose curl of hair in front of her eyes again.

Haechan was tempted to tuck that curl behind her ear, in the same way he’d noticed her doing so many times earlier.

But he kept his hands where they were: one still tucked in the pocket of his nicest pair of pants, and the other hand busy with his pinky sealing a promise with hers.

Graduation arrives so quickly, those last couple of weeks passing by faster than he’d thought possible. And suddenly Haechan finds himself facing the rest of his life.

Before reality has to really start, Haechan and the rest of his merry band of friends galavant off to Thailand for a week. There’s a nice private rental house beside the beach, located a short walk from town, and they have nothing to do all week but themselves while they ignore their responsibilities.

Haechan finds his voyeuristic kink reawakening now presented with ample opportunities in Thailand.

First is waking up to his roommate, YangYang, humping his fist and trying to be quiet in the dark hours of predawn. Haechan watches and grows unbearably hard, but doesn’t touch himself until after he hears YangYang start snoring again, having fallen asleep in the aftermath of his orgasm.

Second, he finds someone’s phone just sitting out on a chair by the pool, and inside of whose it is, Haechan taps the screen, and he discovers whoever it is doesn’t have Face ID or a passcode, so their entire little world sits available at Haechan’s fingertips. He goes looking into their camera roll, initially with the purpose of finding out who it belongs to via selfies, but then…. A more voyeuristic curiosity takes over.

In the photo albums on the phone, he finds videos and pictures of the sort that should definitely be password protected. Faceless videos of a man jerking off, videos of twink boys riding obscene dildos, a couple videos of a petite man fucking a larger man and a few more of the petite man getting fucked from the back with big hands on his tiny waist. And then finally Haechan spots a selfie tucked there in between the sex videos and the innocent other material in the camera roll.

Renjun.

And a moment later, a selfie with Renjun kissing a man on the cheek, a pretty older man that Haechan feels like he vaguely recognizes, though he’s not sure where he might recognize him from.

He watches a few more videos — Renjun showing off a plug, pulling it out of his pretty bare hole; Renjun sitting on a guy’s lap while a big hand jerks them both off; Renjun and a girl fucking in a car; Renjun eating a girl out; the man groaning as he works out at the gym, then Renjun turning the camera down to show off the pulse in the front of his shorts as he walks over to the guy. Again, Haechan can’t help thinking that the other man looks familiar.

Either way, watching the videos makes Haechan’s dick fill out in his shorts.

He didn’t know Renjun was into guys. Sure, he’s not been with a lot of girls in the past four and a half years that Haechan has known him, but there have been a handful of girls that Haechan has heard about. There haven’t been any guys.

How many of his friends are secretly into guys?

Well, he supposes, to some of his friends, he could be counted in that number too.

Haechan returns to a video of Renjun riding a dildo, a long tentacular one with a very thin tip and a thick base. He sits out there by the poolside, watching the way Renjun sinks down on it, his hole stretching to take it all in.

He watches it probably three times (it’s a short video) before he decides he needs this video for himself. So he quickly sends it and a couple more videos — the girl riding Renjun in the car, one close-up video of a sloppy blowjob — to himself in a message, feels his phone buzz in his pocket with the notifications. He opens the videos on his phone, saves them, and then on Renjun’s phone deletes any proof of that having happened.

The third voyeuristic opportunity arrives when he catches Renjun also fucking a girl in the outdoor shower. So he’s definitely not just into guys if he’s still messing around with girls after those latest pictures and videos of him with a guy, Haechan realizes. The girl Renjun is with in the shower has her face hidden from view, her chest against the wall of the semi-enclosed shower, and Renjun fucks her from behind.

Haechan stands just outside the flimsy gate of this outdoor shower, peering through the gap where the gate came unlatched. He sees when Renjun pulls out, when the girl drops to her knees, and Haechan hears the sound of her gagging obscenely around Renjun’s cock. He still can’t see her face — can’t determine if this is a tourist or local girl or which of their friends this is on her knees for Renjun — but Haechan can see the way her hand dips down between her thighs to finger herself while she blows him, a colorful braided bracelet on her wrist flashing to catch his attention. He sees the way she squirts around her fingers, liquid dripping to the ground. Haechan hangs around only long enough to listen to Renjun groan with pleasure as he cums in her mouth, and then Haechan leaves, needing somewhere private for his own relief.

The fourth opportunity is found when he walks into the kitchen one morning to see Mark on his knees, eating his girlfriend out in front of the refrigerator, wasting all that cool air. This time Haechan doesn’t even try to hide himself, he’s too hungover to care about hiding how he wants to watch. And besides, they’re the horny couple getting it on in the kitchen; if they don’t want anyone watching, they should be more careful.

Mark pauses when Haechan pulls a chair back at the table, but his girlfriend just moans and reaches down to lace her fingers through Mark’s hair and pull him back in. Haechan fists his cock beneath the table, cumming in his pants at the same time as she cums on Mark’s tongue.

Afterwards, Mark threatens him and asks him not to mention it to anyone, and Haechan just grins and promises.

Over the week, when he’s not spying on his friends to watch them fucking, Haechan locks himself in the bathroom and watches the videos he sent himself from Renjun’s phone. Not that he wants to fuck Renjun because he doesn’t, but he just really likes watching these videos knowing that Renjun doesn’t know he has them. Plus he likes the sound of the moans, likes the way the girl’s ass bounces in that video in the car. He likes watching the end of the blowjob video to see cum overflowing Renjun’s lips.

He keeps them to himself, and just thinks about how glad he is that he came on this trip purely for his own voyeuristic pleasure.

And then, on their final day, he hits the jackpot. It’s like everyone took a horny pill that morning.

He spots Shotaro and his girlfriend cuddle-fucking in the pool. He notices Xiaojun sitting on the beach with a local girl that took an interest in him, and when he looks closer he sees her hand tucked inside Xiaojun’s shorts while her top is pulled down to expose her tits. Haechan happens upon Jaemin and Jeno jerking each other off while making out in that outdoor shower. And then they’re all drinking that night, toasting to four years of friendship, toasting to their futures, to Thailand, to the happy couples in their midst, toasting to Jeno’s cat, to Mark’s easy ability to laugh, to YangYang’s drinks, to Chenle’s cooking, toasting to everything they can think of.

The night starts to draw to a close when one of Haechan’s comments pisses off Renjun, and he leaves to head back inside. After that, the drinking continues for a little while, but everyone starts to drift away, disappearing into the house to get some sleep before they all head to the airport for their flight in the morning.

Haechan is one of the last to go to sleep that night, and he’s only slightly surprised when he goes to walk into the room he’s sharing with YangYang, but he finds the door locked. A soft moan pours out from behind the closed door.

Kicked out of his own room, Haechan tiptoes instead to the big room down the hallway where the floor has been covered in blankets all week. It’s the overflow room for the friends that there weren’t enough individual beds for and those that jumped onto this trip rather last-minute, so they didn’t get their own rooms and all had to share this one.

Only the faint glow of a small light in the corner provides Haechan enough light to avoid stepping on anyone as he searches for an empty spot.

He finds one at the far end of the room beside one of the girls.

She rolls over onto her back when Haechan lies down beside her. Her face catches the light, and at last Haechan can see who she is.

His friend and future coworker.

They’ve been here before, sleeping beside each other on a trip. Last time it was a bigger, more comfortable bed, but similar to that night, all Haechan can smell is her and something about it speaks to that coil of lust that’s always lurking in his belly.

She turns her head on the pillow, kicks her legs a little, and the blanket covering her shifts, revealing bare legs. She’s only wearing a pair of panties, just a thin tshirt that’s riding up her ribs to reveal her belly.

Haechan stares for a moment at her panties, at the tiny bow adorning the center of the waistband. He grips his pillow, his fingers itching to instead reach out and touch her. But he doesn’t because, although he might be a pervert that enjoys watching, Haechan won’t touch her without permission.

But he will look at her. At the curve of her thighs, her hips, her belly. He’ll admire the light way her lips part, the way that her hair twists around her face.

She lifts an arm over her head, sighing slightly. And then Haechan notices a braided bracelet on her wrist, one that sends his mind reeling back to a few days ago when he caught Renjun with the girl in the outdoor shower.

The bracelet is the same.

It was her?

But she’s… she’s not like that, is she?

Haechan had forgotten, but now a memory comes rushing back, months ago on that Halloween night, he’d bumped into her. She’d been dressed as an angel, and he’d called her innocent because truly he’s never heard much of anything about her sexual escapades. He knows she’s not a virgin. She’d hooked up with Mark and Xiaojun in the past. He’d never imagined she was anything other than perfectly vanilla. Just missionary in bed with the lights off. That type of vanilla.

Not the type to blow Renjun in the outdoor shower of their vacation home where anyone could see.

She’d always seemed so proper and innocent.

But maybe he’s been thinking about her all wrong, and now he’s seeing her in a whole new light.

In the present moment, she moves again. She flips over onto her belly, bringing her knee up so her leg is bent. She’s so close now that only centimeters keep her knee from touching Haechan’s side. He holds his breath to keep from breathing in more of her intoxicating perfume. Already his cock is half-hard just from the smell of her. Like he’s a fucking animal breathing in her pheromones. Not to mention his shocking realization that she’s not the innocent angel he’d believed her to be. It burns in his blood, turning him on even more to think of her now in this new light.

Damn, what is wrong with him?

He stares at her ass for a moment.

And then she makes a sound.

Well, not just a sound.

She says his name.

“Haechan,” is just a sigh from her lips. Her eyebrows furrow together a little.

Fuck, she’s awake.

Her eyelashes flutter as she takes a peek at him.

“Sorry,” he whispers, “There was nowhere else to sleep tonight. YangYang kicked me out of the room we were sharing.”

“Don’t care. Just stop staring at my ass.” She mumbles, hiding her face again in her pillow. “I’m trying to sleep.”

Haechan lies flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. A ceiling fan slowly turns circles overhead, barely circulating the humid air of the room. He kicks his blanket off a moment later, too warm to keep it on. She shifts beside him, grumbling when his blanket lands over her feet, and she moves a little farther away.

The heat in this room is truly unbearable. Maybe it’s the number of bodies packed in here, or just the low speed of the ceiling fan, but either way, Haechan feels like he’s sweating his skin off. He yanks his shirt over his head, kicks his shorts off, and he lies there on the blankets in just his underwear. The faint air movement passes over his bare skin now, offering a tiny bit of relief, enough that he relaxes and feels himself finally being lulled to sleep.

Until several minutes later he hears a soft sound, so quiet that it could almost have been his imagination. He holds very still, listening more intently to the sound of rustling fabric, to a tiny tiny whimper.

He doesn’t dare open his eyes to take a peek, but he knows that sound. It’s the sound of someone trying to be sneaky about getting off in the room where at least one other person is.

He remembers that Mark and his girlfriend are sleeping in this room. Could be them. It’s definitely a girl.

Someone somewhere in the room coughs and moves around to get comfortable. The other sounds pause for a moment. Haechan holds his breath, waiting.

There.

A sigh.

The sound of a hand moving over fabric, slowly to avoid making too much sound, and then a soft repetitive sound of rubbing fabric. It takes a great deal of his willpower to keep from opening his eyes to take a look around the room. He just lies there and listens, trying to figure out who it is in the room that’s getting up to something.

And then a knee bumps against his leg, matching up with the hitch in the other person’s breathing.

No.

Her? The girl sleeping beside him?

She doesn’t withdraw her leg.

Again, someone coughs. Her knee presses a little more against Haechan’s leg. There’s that quiet rustling of fabric as she fucking touches herself right beside him, and he wants to look. Haechan wants to look right then more than he’s ever wanted to look before. But he holds himself back.

Why is she doing this right now? Right here? She knew he’d been awake just like ten minutes ago, so if she was going to get herself off why wouldn’t she wait a little longer or at least take it to the bathroom?

Not that he’s complaining since he definitely is enjoying it. His cock is certainly paying very close attention, and his imagination is painting a vivid image on the backs of his eyelids.

He can just picture her lying there inches away from him with her panties pulled aside to expose a wet pussy, and that little tight shirt she was wearing dragged up above her tits. His fantasy is certainly influenced by that night back in early October when she sat right beside him in the hot tub, when she sat in the clear light of the kitchen, when she was wrapped in his bedsheets with her head on his pillow. The way her little bralette and panties had been semi-transparent from the hot tub, the way her tits had looked when she was snuggled up in that bed. He’d fantasized about her then, just briefly. But now in the present he can vividly imagine, as he hears a small whimper break through her lips, that she’s lifted one hand up to play with a nipple while the other keeps plunging fingers inside her cunt.

God, is she doing this on purpose?

Did she somehow know that he’d been spying on them all this week? That he’d been thinking about all of them, that he’d spent all day closely watching his friends, that he’d been playing back the sight of her on her knees for Renjun, even if he hadn’t known it was her until ten minutes ago?

Or even more than that… she knew he’d been awake, and Haechan knows that she used to have a crush on him when they first met as freshmen. Maybe the crush isn’t as far gone as he’d thought. Maybe she is doing this now, right beside him, with the intention of him catching her in the act.

Maybe if he opens his eyes now, if he catches her, maybe that’ll go along with some secret plan she’s got. She whimpers again, and it almost sounds like a muffled name, the syllables sounding a lot like his name.

Fuck it.

He’s going to do it. He’s going to let her know that she’s been caught, see what the consequences are.

“Quiet, beautiful.”

It’s not Haechan that speaks.

Renjun’s voice is quiet, gentle yet commanding. A shock to Haechan’s system.

At last he dares to take a brief look. He shouldn’t be surprised really when he opens his eyes and sees Renjun holding himself up to look down at the woman sleeping between them. His hand is curled over her mouth, her hand is curled around Renjun’s wrist where his hand is tucked inside her panties.

Haechan’s ego deflates a bit. He’d really been hoping she was somehow putting on a show for him, but instead, it was Renjun just trying to play with her.

“Renjun, please,” her voice is so small, pleading. Her knee nudges Haechan’s thigh again. He watches through his eyelashes as she rolls her hips off the floor, into Renjun’s touch. “Someone is going to hear.”

“Then be quiet.” Renjun whispers back. “You said you wanted this, do you still? Or do you actually want me to stop?”

Haechan can tell by the way that her thighs snap together, her hips twisting as she rolls towards Renjun, her hips rocking into Renjun’s touch that she still wants this. What part of this is it that she told Renjun she wanted, though? Haechan is curious about that.

She whines, a hand reaching out to clutch at Renjun’s shirt. “Keep going.”

Fuck.

Haechan wishes he wasn’t lying on his back right now. If they look over at him they’ll know that he’s awake and listening as soon as they see the way his cock is tenting his underwear. But if he moves now he won’t be able to see, or even worse they might stop.

So he stays right where he is. He watches through his eyelashes as Renjun tips her chin to slot his mouth against hers, kissing her quiet as his arm starts moving between them. Her legs draw apart, making room to accommodate for Renjun’s fingers, for him to have more room to make her feel good. Haechan watches the way her body moves against Renjun; he listens to how she moans for him. He stares at her ass again, and he feels completely like a fucking pervert as his cock twitches with every moan she makes.

Even though he’s been watching his friends all week, he hasn’t jerked off to any of them really. But right now he wants to more than anything else. Fuck, he might even just cum in his shorts, untouched.

He can’t risk touching himself at the moment, not when he’s exposed like this. Or at least he can’t touch himself properly. But if he moves slow enough, he might just be able to get a hand to where he can lightly apply a gentle massaging pressure to his cock, and if he can just subtly touch himself, that could be enough for him. He’d once had a partner who got him to cum untouched through nipple stimulation alone, though he had been incredibly worked up at the time. But having this happen right here in front of him, so close he’s basically involved, it might just be enough for him to get off to even without properly touching him.

His challenge, if he attempts this, is just going to be cumming quietly without alerting his two friends beside him.

In the quiet of the room, every noise she makes is obvious. When her body moves, the blanket rustles softly. When she whines, even muffled by Renjun’s lips, it’s like she’s right at Haechan’s ear. And as Renjun picks up the pace in finger-banging her, Haechan can hear how wet she is, the quiet wet sounds that plunge Haechan’s imagination into a fantasy. What it would feel like to feel her around him, to taste her, to have her moaning his name while he has her dripping on his cock.

He presses the heel of his palm down against his cock, and pleasure courses through him along his spine straight around to his cock. He can’t move though, can’t roll his hips like he wants to, can’t really jerk off. He can only fantasize, listen, and watch Renjun touch her instead. But that’s okay because it’s surprisingly doing it for him, this looking and barely even being allowed to touch himself.

When she cums, Haechan watches it move through her. The way her body tightens up and loosens, the way she clings to Renjun and pushes him away. She whimpers and then he can hear her breathing, sucking in breaths as she moves onto her back.

Renjun flops over on top of her, smiling brightly as he laughs softly. “Good girl,” he teases, draping his arm across her chest. His hand — the fingers that were just inside her pussy — sits right in front of Haechan’s face.

“Fuck off,” she laughs, but Renjun doesn’t budge. She doesn’t even actually push him away, and his hand just rests there in front of Haechan’s face. He can smell her. He can faintly see her wetness glistening on Renjun’s fingers. Haechan’s fingers twitch, unable to keep from curling around his cock, unable to keep his hand from moving slightly, just brushing it back and forth over the shape of his erection as he breathes in her scent fresh from Renjun’s fingers.

Fuck.

His pleasure crests, and Haechan rolls over onto his side, his thumb stroking against the sensitive spot beneath the cockhead.

With his back to the couple beside him, as he bites down on the corner of the pillow to keep from making a sound, Haechan fills his shorts with cum.

They’re blissfully unaware.

Soon after, their breathing evens out, back to sleep. She even begins snoring quietly, and that’s the music that Haechan falls asleep to as well, forgetting entirely about getting up to clean himself up until the moment he’s abruptly woken in the morning by Mark because they’re running behind schedule for their flight home.

Haechan gets worse in his perversion.

For the first full week after their return from Thailand, Haechan can only think of her. Of that final night and the way that she sounded while Renjun touched her, the way she’d looked in that half light. It would come back to him at the strangest times, and each time he felt like a freak for getting hard over nothing but the memory of her.

It shouldn’t even be his memory.

He shouldn’t have had any part of it, but he did. And he feels like a creep, but he likes it too. He likes the knowledge of that stolen moment, the stolen memories he has from Thailand — that night, the other stolen moments of his friends, the pictures and videos he sent himself from Renjun’s phone before deleting the evidence.

He cherishes those times, and during that brief gap before his career begins at the Neo Corporation, Haechan takes any opportunity to eavesdrop or catch anyone in the act he leaps at. He doesn’t find it as easy as it has been when he was constantly around his friends all the time. He has to take it a bit public, including when he found a slightly older couple on one of the dating apps he’d downloaded ages ago, and they were interested in someone watching.

He’d watched that couple a few times until the wife wanted him to get more involved, wanted to see him one-on-one without her husband, wanted to take him out to dinner. Haechan wasn’t sure if she was trying to turn him into their sugar baby, or if she was just trying to step outside the bounds of the agreement with her husband. Either way, he broke it off with them after that.

There was a time he’d gone to see a movie in theaters alone, and an adult couple had been busy making out and getting very, very handsy down the row from him. Haechan may have touched himself to the sight, reaching his climax at the climax of the movie. There’d been a swept night riding the bus home, Haechan spotted a guy a few rows up from him jerking off.

There’d been a time Haechan, YangYang, and Xiaojun were out at a bar together, and Haechan had found a cute drunk girl fingering herself in the back alley when he stepped out to take a couple drags off a cigarette (which he wasn’t a smoker, not really, unless he was stressed and in a social situation, such as when he’s been dragged out with his friends when all he wants is to be at home jerking off). He’d gotten the cigarette from an acquaintance of Xiaojun’s, but Haechan had gone outside alone, and he stood there to watch the girl while he smoked, coughing when the smoke hit his lungs. He wasn’t used to that feeling, but it turned out he’s more than used to the warm feeling that spreads through him as he gets a hit of voyeuristic pleasure. The girl was masturbating in the alley, either unaware or uncaring that he was watching, and Haechan didn’t look away until she was finished, moaning and panting.

Haechan enjoyed watching them all.

He enjoyed when he watched back the videos he’d taken from Renjun, particularly the one in the car because although Haechan didn’t particularly care about gender, he definitely had a preference for women, and there was just something about that video in particular that piqued his interest out of all those he’d stolen. Though, admittedly, the one of Renjun sinking down on a giant, tentacular dildo had awakened a fascination in Haechan he’d previously not been aware of, sending him down a rabbit hole of tentacle hentai as well as just videos of people taking giant dildos.

And then there was the way that Haechan’s thoughts always came back to his friend, the girl he’d been friends with since they were university freshmen. The one that he’d always imagined to be innocent until he watched her cum on Renjun’s fingers right before his eyes. And he couldn’t get her out of his mind.

That truly became a problem when he finally started at the Neo Corporation, because she was there with him. Her desk was just a very short distance from his in their office.

Every time that he saw her, there he was again, right back in Thailand. Her scent tickling his senses. The soft sounds of her moans and sighs and muffled words pressed to Renjun’s palm. The way that her leg had brushed Haechan’s for a moment in the thick of it. He always thought of how badly he’d wanted to reach over and touch her too, to taste the damp glimmer of humidity gathering on her belly or at her throat.

These weren’t things he ever had thought about her before, but suddenly, he can’t seem to think of anything else when he sees her.

Unsurprisingly and somewhat unfortunately, Haechan sees quite a bit of her. They see each other at work, but also they are friends, so he sees her often outside of the Neo Corporation.

He sees her when YangYang invites their friends remaining in the city to come over to their apartment. When she curls up on their sofa and laughs around a mouthful of Chenle’s special “gourmet” ramyeon. She stretches her feet out across Renjun’s lap while she chats with Karina. Maybe Haechan should’ve been distracted by Karina since she was dressed in a favorite top of his and had been giving him fuck-me eyes since she walked in the door, but he barely spares her a second glance all night.

Instead, Haechan can only notice the way that Renjun was purposely not touching the girl touching him. Haechan can only notice how the cuffs of her jeans have risen enough that he can see frilly-edged socks against her ankle bone, and he feels fucking nuts because in a day and age when he can look at any type of porn he can imagine, he’s going wild over a glimpse of her ankles in frilly socks, like a goddamn Victorian gentleman.

He does, in fact, end up hooking up with Karina that night after all their friends have cleared out. She lingers and does all of her usual tactics of seduction, but they don’t even go all the way, both of them giving up and admitting to themselves and each other that neither one of them is who the other wishes they were.

Haechan sees his friend for the housewarming party Xiaojun hosts when he moves into the apartment right next door to Haechan and YangYang’s.

He watches as she flirts with Xiaojun up until the moment that Xiaojun tells all of them that he’s been seeing a girl he recently met. Haechan watches her shoulders slump in mild disappointment. One of Xiaojun’s culinary school friends flirts with Haechan throughout the night, but he’s just not interested in the pretty individual. Mostly because Haechan has been so close by her all night, and every time Haechan caught a whiff of her perfume he could only think of her spread thighs and those cute panties with the little bow at the waistband, of Renjun’s fingers still wet with her cum.

And again, Haechan struggled to cope with his newfound physical attraction to her. It shouldn’t be like this. They’re just friends, and after all these years — all five-ish years — it would be weird to cross that line now. Right?

Besides, she’s a perfect angel, and he’s a disgusting perv. Even if he did decide to make it clear to her that he now finds her sexually attractive, why would she want anything to do with him? If she knew the truth of the way he’s been behaving since his voyeuristic awakening, she’d never speak to him again.

At work she draws a tentative line between them. For those first couple of weeks, she pretends like she doesn’t know him as more than just a coworker. Haechan lets her play her game, until one day she finally lets slip a story to Yuta, just a funny little story about something her and Haechan had gotten into once upon a time.

Haechan had grinned at the acknowledgement, at the way her eyes went wide. The look she shot his way as he began laughing. She’d pouted and folded her arms across her chest as she leaned back in her chair to look up at Yuta and calmly say, “Ignore him. He’s a dick.” That had only made Haechan laugh harder.

Haechan does his best to ignore the way she draws his gaze inside work and outside. He decides to tuck himself safely behind the walls of his perverted interests. Getting himself off alone to videos on his phone, hoping to come across strangers in public that he can watch.

Eventually, just a few short weeks into his time at the Neo Corporation, Haechan takes his most recent paycheck, and creeps at last over the line into being an actual creep of a voyeur. In some ways, it’s just an extension of the walls he’s been hiding behind, but it’s also an attempt at chasing the high he’d felt that night in Thailand, surreptitiously getting off beside the couple who hadn’t even known he was awake to watch them.

Haechan purchases a few spy cams, and he places them around in a few different locations. Haechan knows it’s wrong, but he is truly past the point of caring anymore. The store sells the cameras in a pack of four, and Haechan knows where he wants them.

He places the first spy cam in Renjun’s bedroom when he visits Renjun’s new place. He hides one in YangYang’s room. And he even goes so far as to leave two hidden cameras in his boss’s office at the Neo Corporation.

Mr. Johnny Suh gets that special treat of having two spy cameras in his vicinity because he has a hot secretary that Haechan likes to look at, so one camera is tucked in the potted plant that sits directly across from her desk, which is technically outside of Johnny's office, but another camera is positioned actually inside Johnny's office, angled just right to get a perfect shot of her ass when she leans over Johnny's desk to give him files and things.

Plus Haechan is maybe hoping to catch them in the act. Several of Haechan’s seniors at the company gossip all the time about how they’re fairly certain that Johnny and his secretary are fucking.

Haechan, disappointingly, finds no evidence of that.

But his other cameras keep him satisfyingly occupied. YangYang, instead of pursuing the professional world of business meetings and the suit-and-tie uniform, has become a full-time bartender at a popular club, so he frequently comes home with company, which provides Haechan plenty of material to watch back, as well as giving him a visual to the sounds he often hears through his bedroom wall.

The camera in Renjun’s apartment doesn’t offer as much action, and he doesn’t witness anything more between Renjun and their friend, to his surprise. Perhaps that had really been what he was hoping to catch a glimpse of. Maybe they’d just been having fun while in Thailand, calling it quits after the trip ended. However, the Renjun cam captures many more encounters between Renjun and the handsome man Haechan had first seen in Renjun’s phone. Actually, if Haechan had to guess, judging by the number of sleepovers they have, he would say that Renjun is in a relationship with the man. He wonders when Renjun is going to introduce them all to his guy because he’s sure they would all like to meet his boyfriend, and Haechan thinks all of this even as he sits comfortably in his room, watching the footage of Renjun getting his face fucked.

He’s not yet reached the level of perversion to be peeking under skirts or peeping through windows. He just sticks to his little cameras for a while until he realizes that there’s really nothing he likes more than actually getting to witness it there in front of his own eyes. That’s the true thrill, he’s discovered. The open inappropriateness of it, that whoever he’s watching is doing whatever they’re doing in a place where he is able to watch. In a public hot tub, in a restaurant, on a college campus, in the bed across the room from him, or literally just inches away from where he’s trying to sleep.

And if the people or a person involved is someone that Haechan knows or already finds attractive? Well, that is what he likes most of all.

An unexpected opportunity presents itself to Haechan when summer turns to autumn.

The Neo Corporation company retreat means a weekend away from the city out in the wilderness at a team-building site. It’s not much to look at really. Just a main building with indoor plumbing for toilets and showers, fully equipped with electricity and wifi for team-building presentations and the like. There’s a small kitchen in there as well.

Part of the first team-building exercise is to pair a junior employee with a senior employee, to build a tent together.

Haechan is paired with Lee Taeyong. Taeyong is ranked just below Mr. Suh in the hierarchy. He’s tall, handsome, funny, and most importantly, he’s tolerant of Haechan. He puts up with — and has even joined in on — some of the hijinks Haechan has pulled at the office. And while, for the most part, his coworkers have welcomed Haechan since he joined the company in the early summer, Taeyong treats Haechan like a little brother.

After everyone succeeds in setting their tents up, the objective becomes everyone relaxing and getting drunk together for the first night of bonding.

“Gather around the bond-fire!” Johnny calls, waving his employees in around where he’s already seated. His secretary sits beside him already, smiling against her beer bottle.

Johnny leads the bonding experience, throwing out icebreakers and encouraging storytelling and drinking and eating. Haechan watches from his seat beside Taeyong as their CEO grows progressively more intoxicated. Haechan also notices the way that Yuta and Ten, the two most notorious gossips, are trying to get everyone around them drunk enough that the stories being told are more based on gossip-worthy secrets than anything else. Bonding exercises turn into drinking games as Johnny just sinks into his chair, shining happily but quietly as he drinks a little more.

One of the women had tried to get Haechan to partner up with her for the drinking games, and even after he partnered up with Taeyong, she kept offering him to share drinks with her. Unlike most people tonight, he’s not trying to get off his face drunk. Even though they’re all drinking, Haechan knows they’ll have an early morning, and besides, he just doesn’t feel like getting drunk tonight.

Especially when he looks over and spots his old friend.

She’s throwing drinks back like they’re water. Shots of whatever it is that Yuta is passing around, mixing it with beer. Haechan is in the middle of playing a game where they’ve all got a card stuck to their forehead with a famous person they have to try to guess, and he’s three rounds in, which means he’s already taken two shots and is contemplating his answer which will determine if he has to take a third, when he notices Jungwoo hovering in the seat beside her.

Jungwoo’s cheeks are rosy, eyes bright, and he won’t look away from her. Her face is flushed too, her eyes heavy, and she’s slumped in her seat, drunkenly giggling every now and then when anyone speaks.

“So, Donghyuck?” The girl who’d tried to be his partner giggles, leaning forward so her top gapes open a bit, flashing a good look down her shirt. “Who do you think you are?”

The card she has stuck on her forehead has Billie Eilish’s name scribbled on it. A few others also have pop singers. Maybe he should guess a singer too.

“Justin Bieber,” he blurts out the first name that comes to mind because at that moment he’s distracted, watching Jungwoo lean over to whisper into Haechan’s friend’s ear. A funny little feeling stirs in Haechan’s belly – a greasy feeling, like he could be sick watching the way that Jungwoo draws a laugh from her.

“Wrong!” The other woman laughs, filling a shot glass a little too full with liquor, and she walks over to hand it to Haechan, her fingers brushing his with intent as she passes it over. Haechan can see the hungry gleam in her eyes, but he disregards it.

The shot is disgusting, burning all the way down, but he doesn’t care. There’s a different heat that sits in his chest as he watches Jungwoo batted away by her with a laugh and an attempt to scoot her seat an inch away.

Haechan keeps an eye on her as the game continues.

It takes him another two rounds before he correctly guesses Bruno Mars as the celebrity on his forehead, but he doesn’t even care to celebrate. He’s watching Jungwoo brush his fingers along her arm, the way that her eyelids have sunken most of the way closed, Jungwoo leaning in to say something in her ear as her head dips.

She’s Haechan’s friend, and he can’t look away because he’s not fucking likely to let Jungwoo try anything funny with her when she’s clearly so drunk. Not that he necessarily thinks that Jungwoo has bad intentions, he also appears to be pretty drunk, but if anyone is going to make sure she gets back to her tent safely tonight, it’s going to be Haechan.

He’s the only one he trusts with her.

When she reaches for a new beer in the cooler positioned too close to her chair, Haechan stands up and walks over to her. He puts a hand on her wrist, and she blinks up at him.

“You’ve had enough, don’t you think?” He says, crouching down beside her seat. “Unless you’re trying to actually poison yourself tonight, which might be a bad idea in front of the boss.”

Her eyes move sluggishly, sticking to Haechan’s face before slowly roving around the area until she sees Johnny. He’s taking a shot while his secretary watches before she smoothly knocks her shot back too.

“Hey, you don’t have to try to keep up with everyone, if that’s what you’re doing.” Haechan taps her wrist, and she looks back around at him. She sways a little in her seat from the movement. “Lay off the drinks maybe. Try some water instead.”

She stares at Haechan. A long, deep look into his eyes that makes him want to squirm and look away. But he doesn’t. He holds her gaze until she breaks away, staring down at her hands.

She looks small and helpless, and Haechan is reminded of that time months and months and months ago on a night somewhat similar to this. Halloween. He’d been searching for a woman in a schoolgirl costume, and instead he’d found her. She had looked small that night too, and Haechan had been in a teasing mood when he found her sitting on the ground beside the building. She’d been alone, her gaze a little distant.

That had worried him a bit, had caused his teasing and cockiness to falter. He’d been concerned for her, but she’d brushed his concerns off, and he’d gone along with it. He’d made jokes and told her about the naughty schoolgirl he was looking for, and he’d left her to enjoy the rest of the party while he continued his search.

But tonight he doesn’t want to leave.

Jungwoo glances over at them, but the biting glare Haechan flicks in his direction finally pushes the older man to vacate his seat and go bother someone else.

“Can I take you back to your tent?” Haechan asks quietly.

A quiet look of astonishment passes over her features. “Excuse me?”

Haechan rolls his eyes. “You’re drunk, I just want to make sure you don’t trip over a rock and crack that pretty head of yours open, angel.”

She’d been an angel at the Halloween party. He remembers that in detail now. She’d worn a short white dress and a crooked halo, the firelight from the bonfires had glimmered off the glitter brushed over her cheeks and her collarbones and speckled across her breasts. She’d been beautiful. That night he’d been distracted, preoccupied. But he realizes now what he missed that night.

He’s since been awakened.

Even tonight as she sits bundled up in a sweatshirt and jeans beside the fire, Haechan realizes that she’s beautiful. Her eyes are shining, her cheeks glowing in the light of the fire, and that damn loose section of hair falls in front of her eyes again.

Before she can lift a hand to move the hair away, Haechan is already there.

He can feel her breath on the inside of his wrist. His fingertips brush her cheek on accident. And her hair… it’s so soft as he twirls it around his finger before tucking it back behind her ear. Her eyes flutter momentarily, and Haechan watches the shadows of her eyelashes on his cheeks. There’s a weird feeling in his chest, one that makes him sit down on his ass a little unsteadily right in front of her.

She opens her eyes.

“Fine,” she agrees. “Help me.”

Haechan does help her. He loops her arm around his shoulders, he secures his arm around her waist, and he helps her walk away — although it’s more like he’s carrying her away — from the fire back to the tent he saw her cramming her stuff inside along with one of the other women and Johnny's secretary.

She crawls inside, toeing her shoes off and then kicking them out the tent flap. She collapses on one of the sleeping bags, and then she blinks at Haechan where he remains silhouetted in the tent’s entrance. “Donghyuck?”

His brain buzzes a little with her words. His heart skips at the sound of his name. Her lips curl into an inviting smile around the carefully formed syllables of his name.

“Are you gonna watch me while I sleep, Donghyuck?”

Is that an invitation?

He can imagine it now, crawling into this tent right beside her. Snuggling up with her in this sleeping bag, bodies pressed tight together. He already knows that he would wake up hard, grinding against her ass like a horny teenage boy. Haechan stays exactly where he is, kneeling outside the tent with his head poked inside.

“Aren’t you gonna make sure I don’t choke on my puke or whatever?” She mumbles, turning onto her side.

“Do you feel like you’re gonna puke?” Haechan asks.

She squints at him in the dark for a moment that stretches out between them before she finally sighs, and says, “I’m fine. Go back to everyone else.” She waves her hand, and Haechan feels the bizarre urge to take her hand and hold onto it.

He doesn’t do that.

Instead he watches a moment longer until it’s clear that she’s fallen asleep. She starts snoring, and he takes that as his cue to leave.

He rejoins the bond-fire, sitting there staring at the flames and the sizzling and crackling of the sticks that Yuta keeps tossing in there. Haechan keeps thinking of the woman in the tent, wondering if maybe he should’ve kept her awake a little longer, if he should’ve made sure she drank water. Was she going to be massively hungover in the morning? Maybe he should’ve stayed, like she said, to make sure she didn’t choke if she threw up while passed out.

Of course, his deep thoughts are interrupted by the woman from earlier who’d wanted to partner up with him. She giggles and drapes herself onto the ground in front of him, resting her arms across his knees as she looks up at him.

“Donghyuck,” she says with a smile.

His lip curls at the sound of his proper name. “Don’t call me that.”

They’re not really friends, him and this coworker. He really only lets his friends call him Haechan. But tonight he can’t handle the sound of his name. Not when it sounds the way she just said it – the syllables slurred and blended together and not in the right voice, not from the right mouth.

She pouts at him, and when he turns his head away to strike up a conversation with Taeyong and Ten, she withdraws from the ground in front of him.

It’s not too much later that everyone starts crawling back to their tents.

Mr. Suh is camping in the same tent as Haechan and Taeyong although he had not helped them set the tent up earlier. But tonight Johnny is possibly more drunk than Haechan’s friend, so Johnny requires some mild supervision. Before the three of them call an end to the night in their tent, Taeyong and Haechan both force Johnny to drink a lot of water and take some medicine for the hangover he’s going to have in the morning.

“What were you thinking, old man?” Taeyong teases as he takes the last empty water bottle from Johnny. “You’re too old and too much of a lightweight to be drinking like this.”

Johnny just mumbles something unintelligible in response, and passes out. Haechan and Taeyong soon follow suit.

It doesn’t feel like it’s all that long later when Haechan wakes up with the sense that someone has just left the tent. He sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he looks around.

In the dim light, he can see that Taeyong is still asleep, but Johnny's spot is empty, and just then, Haechan also becomes aware of his urge to piss. Johnny had almost definitely woken with the same urge since he’d been force fed so much water before falling asleep, not to mention all of the other drinks he’d consumed.

Unable to deny that his bladder is full, Haechan can’t just fall back asleep, so he follows Johnny back to the guest house or team-building center of their site. It’s got the bathrooms, a kitchen, and even a wifi center.

Haechan enters the building, and he does indeed find Johnny also relieving himself, but he also finds him surprisingly sober and claiming that he’s gonna do some work now that he’s up.

“That’s crazy, sir. It’s still dark. We should both just go back to sleep.” Haechan looks at the time and it’s still really early. The sun won’t be up for another two hours at least. There’s still plenty of time to sleep before they all need to be up.

Johnny just sits down at one of the tables, producing his laptop from somewhere. “Go back to sleep. I can’t sleep anyway.”

So Haechan bids him goodnight, and he starts to head back to the tent.

He hasn’t yet made it all the way back to his tent when he glances backwards and sees someone else walking towards the guest house. They don’t seem to notice Haechan at all, and it’s only when the figure approaches the guest house with the light pouring through the uncovered windows, that Haechan realizes that the person is Johnny's secretary.

What’s she doing sneaking into the guest house? All the rumors and gossip among his coworkers flood into Haechan’s mind right then. Is she why Johnny was really staying up? Why he’d been so quick to send Haechan away?

Naturally, Haechan can’t deny his curiosity, and he sneaks back towards the building. He crouches down outside the window, and he peeks inside.

The secretary emerges from the bathrooms and takes a seat beside Johnny. Maybe this isn’t worth it. Watching them. Maybe there’s genuinely nothing going on between them, and Yuta and Ten are just gossips for no reason. But still Haechan lingers, he waits patiently, and it pays off in the end.

Haechan watches the tension build between them, watches as the walls and rules begin to crumble, and then with absolute delight, he witnesses the moment when Johnny gives in and kisses his secretary. Maybe things weren’t happening between them before, but Haechan is glad to sit here and watch the rumors finally spark with truth. He sits there outside the window, his hand creeping into his lap as the secretary moves to sit in Johnny's lap.

Haechan watches Johnny get handsy with her. He watches the way she arches and grinds on their boss. Haechan jerks off, hiding there between the window and a row of bushes, watching when Johnny slides a hand up beneath her shirt, getting a handful of her tits.

Unfortunately, they move things to the showers, which cuts off Haechan’s access to the show unless he wants to go back inside the building and risk them noticing that he’s trying to watch. So instead he stays crouched outside the window and finishes jerking off into the bushes, and he cums and it feels so damn good to let out that release.

He’s gone before they emerge from the showers. He sneaks back to his tent, and slides into his sleeping bag without Taeyong even waking.

But now he knows with certainty that something is happening between the hot secretary and Mr. Suh.

His cameras in the office might be of some use.

Within days of their return, Haechan is delighted to find that the hook-up between their boss and his secretary was not just a one night mistake on their company retreat. He captures it on the camera when Johnny invites her into his office for sex. And then he captures a lot more than that too over the following days and weeks.

He doesn’t share it with anyone. Keeps all knowledge of the secret relationship to himself, enjoying playing the voyeur. He’s always got his eyes peeled while at the office or while watching the recorded footage from the safety and comfort of his bedroom. The cameras are getting their usage now since Haechan watches them every chance he gets, searching for anything, watching the cameras back once he’s home to see if he missed anything in the day.

One evening when he’s watching the cameras back, he catches Yuta dropping by the desk of Haechan’s friend just to smile at her and touch her arm, and for a moment his chest burns with this strange sense of jealousy. He’s pleased when a few days later, Yuta keeps on his side of the office, staying far away from her and Haechan’s desks. He’s even more pleased to notice that Jungwoo keeps his distance now as well since after their company retreat.

Still, Haechan watches the cameras, searching for and catching those little glimpses through footage of Johnny and the secretary, keeping it all to himself. But he does drop little hints through teasing comments every now and then. He doesn’t have the good fortune to walk in on them anywhere, though a giddy Ten drops by Haechan’s desk one afternoon to tell him how he walked into the break room and found Johnny and his secretary standing oddly close and moving away from each other quickly when they noticed him.

“Okay, and?” Haechan had asked as he clicked through his emails. “Is that supposed to be proof of something?”

Haechan wants tangible proof right before his eyes. Not grainy camera footage of Johnny fondling her tits. Not a whispered rumor of them standing a little closer than maybe is normal in the break room. He wants something that truly speaks to his voyeuristic desires.

And finally, just days after that, Haechan gets his chance.

He’s had an unofficial meeting scheduled with Johnny since two days ago. Haechan checks his spy cameras through an app on his phone, perusing quickly while he uses the restroom before the meeting, and he quickly discovers something fascinating: Johnny's secretary isn’t sitting at her desk, but when he checks the camera in Johnny's office, she’s nowhere to be seen either.

She still isn’t sitting at her desk several minutes later when Haechan arrives for the meeting.

He knocks on the closed office door, and after a moment Johnny calls out, “Come in!”

Haechan enters the office to see Johnny just sitting behind his desk. He closes the door behind him, and as he approaches the desk, Haechan says, “Your secretary isn’t at her desk.” Honestly, he’s full of curiosity as to where she could be. He glances quickly around the room, but sees no sign of her. “I would’ve had her let you know I was coming in, if I’d seen her. She seems to be sneaking away from her desk a lot lately.” Sneaking around with Johnny, of course, but he doesn’t want Johnny to know that he knows that. Haechan chuckles a little before saying, “I swear every time I’m in the break room, she’s in there too. Maybe you should punish her, sir.”

A look of… something crosses Johnny's face. Not quite surprise, but something akin to it. Just as quickly, the look vanishes, and Johnny laughs. “Is she away from her desk too often or are you, Haechan?”

Damn. Got him there. “Maybe we both are. Forget what I said about punishment.”

After that, conversation turns quickly to the reason for Haechan actually being here. Business and work and boring shit; Haechan is giving Johnny a report. Johnny is pretty quiet while Haechan talks, so when Haechan notices his boss’s face becoming red very quickly, he has to inquire about if Johnny is feeling well. And a few moments after that, a loud thump sounds beneath the desk at the same moment as Johnny jumps.

“Ah, shit!” Johnny curses, and he spins his chair around, rubbing at his leg. “My damn knee. You’re lucky you’re too young for joint pains.”

Haechan doesn’t buy it for a second, so he knows it doesn’t sound authentic when he laughs. “You’re not that old, sir. And I’ve got my own aches and pains, I understand.” Of course, Haechan’s aches and pains tend more towards the ache in his dick while he’s being a voyeur.

He watches Johnny closely before looking back down at Johnny's desk. Is she under there? Is that why he’d not seen her on either of the cameras? Why Johnny got red-faced and made that thump beneath the desk?

As Johnny turns his chair around and slides his legs quickly back beneath his desk until the edge of the desk is creasing his tie, Haechan stares down at the floor. There’s another small thump, quiet enough that Johnny doesn’t even seem to notice this time. But Haechan notices.

He also notices the glimpse of a few fingers peeking out from the gap between the bottom of the desk’s backing and the floor. A pinky finger and parts of two more splayed on the floor before disappearing once more beneath the desk. Haechan lifts his gaze to Johnny's face, but Johnny is staring down at the surface of his desk, and in that moment Haechan watches his boss’s gaze transform into one of lustful hunger.

“You can go now, Haechan.” And just like that he’s dismissed with the promise of this conversation continuing at a team meeting tomorrow. Which, if he’s being given the opportunity to make his report in front of the whole team, that’s actually pretty exciting, so Haechan thanks Mr. Suh, but he can’t resist leaving one last teasing comment as he stands up, “I would ask if you want me to leave a copy of my report with your secretary, but she’s probably still in the break room, right?”

Johnny's laugh and voice are both strained when he says, “You can just leave a copy on her desk. I’m sure she’ll know what it is.”

Yeah, of course she will since she’s listening in on this conversation, probably with her mouth full of Johnny's cock.

He should get back to work, but instead Haechan ducks into the restroom, into a stall, and he pulls his phone out.

Ah, there it is.

Johnny has his secretary bent over his desk, her skirt pushed up around her hips. Haechan fists his own cock, jerking off hard and fast while he watches them go at it. He watches as Johnny pulls out and shoots stripes of cum across her ass, as he smacks his cock against her ass and smears the cum around. Haechan closes his eyes and plays it all back in his mind, and he jerks off over the toilet until his belly tightens, cock twitching as he cums into the toilet bowl.

He gives it a few minutes for his erection to fully subside and for his heartbeat to return to normal. He flushes the toilet, washes his hands, and heads back out into the office. The secretary is sitting at her desk, tucking her hair behind her ears, her cheeks slightly pink.

How long can they possibly hide this secret relationship from everyone?

“Don’t you think something is going on?” Ten asks later that evening over drinks. A few of them have gone out tonight, for dinner and drinks and gossip. “I know we don’t have proof, but I really think….”

Ten trails off, sipping at his drink.

Haechan’s old friend from school glances over at him with a smirk, and he wonders if she’s thinking of Shotaro and his girlfriend; their friends that were friends until they were something more, and they kept it hidden from all of them for quite some time. Haechan was the only one who knew about it then, just like right now, he’s the only one that knows that Mr. Suh is indeed fucking his secretary.

Ten never gets a satisfactory response from any of them that night, and he’s still grumbling about it as everyone parts ways. Yuta and Taeyong sling their arms around Ten’s shoulders, dragging him along with them towards the parking garage they’d parked in. Haechan is about to go that way as well, not because he’s parked there — he doesn’t have a car actually — but because YangYang’s bar is located in that direction, and his roommate could just give him a ride home.

But then he sees his friend turning off to head in the opposite direction from where they’re all heading.

Her shoulders are hunched against the chill, her bag held against her chest as she starts walking off down the dim street.

Haechan’s heart inexplicably lurches in his chest. She’s not really going to walk alone through the city, is she? She’s been drinking, it’s dark and late, and she’s alone. A dozen dark scenarios pop into Haechan’s mind, and before he knows it, he’s jogging to catch up with her, calling out her name.

She twists to look over her shoulder at him, and Haechan’s heart gives another inexplicable lurch. A buzz that shoots from his chest down to his fingertips and toes. He fights the urge to reach out to her as soon as he comes up beside her, struggles to contain the urge to tuck that stray curl of hair behind her ear that always seems to fall into her face. The wind blows just right, and several strands of her hair flutter against her cheeks.

Haechan clenches his hand into a fist, tucking it into his pocket. “Can I walk with you?”

She looks surprised at his offer, but to his delight and relief, she agrees.

She’s only walking to her bus stop at the end of the block, as it turns out. A short walk, but he’d still feel better about it if he accompanied her. He'll walk her there, wait with her, and Haechan knows that even if he has to wait for a bit, he’ll still have plenty of time to then walk back the opposite direction to YangYang’s bartending job before his roommate clocks out for the night. And even if Haechan misses out on the chance for YangYang to give him a ride home, Haechan would much rather make sure that she gets safely to her bus that’ll take her home.

“Well what do you think?” She asks out of nowhere as they start walking. For a moment the city sounds filter into the silence between them, and then she elaborates, “Think they’re fucking?”

Oh. Johnny and the secretary. Haechan laughs, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “Yeah, they absolutely are.”

“You sound so certain.” She bumps her shoulder against his, and Haechan wonders if she’s just doing it as a friendly little nudge or if she’d drank so much that she’s just a little bit off-balance. “Why?”

Again, Haechan laughs, shrugging. “I have my reasons.”

Now she laughs too, grabbing onto Haechan’s arm as they reach the bus stop, and he swears his fingers go a little numb. Not because she’s holding on so tightly, but because his brain short-circuits when she touches him.

Haechan looks around at the people waiting at the bus stop. There’s an old lady, a weary looking man in a worn suit, and a young mother with a sleeping baby already waiting at the covered bench. Haechan stands there a few feet away from all of them, letting his friend hold onto his arm, trying his best to keep from sinking into her warmth.

It’s a little chilly tonight, so she shivers a bit, snuggling against his side.

He looks down at her. He really looks at her. He admires for a moment the way that the lights of the city at night shine on her. Her eyes are so reflective tonight, shining like stars. The colors of the nearby traffic lights color her cheeks in a myriad of blended colors.

She looks so pretty, and his heart stumbles a little bit in his chest again for the third time in the past ten minutes.

Either he’s experiencing heart troubles or….

He looks quickly away from her, staring out across the street, trying to erase the image of her from his mind. Trying to calm the fluttering of his heart.

What is going on with him? Is he actually sick or something?

He hasn’t had any feelings like this in a long time. Not since before he’d given up on crushing on or intensely lusting after Shotaro’s girlfriend. Not that this is a crush, because that would be ridiculous.

They’ve been friends for years and it’s never progressed anywhere beyond just friends. Yeah, they’ve shared beds platonically, and there was his voyeuristic habits providing him with some good material of her. Maybe it was just that; that’s the source of these strange feelings that absolutely are not a crush. Seeing her in a sexual way has just confused him; he’s thinking with his dick, not his heart. And tonight he’s just… he’s just horny or something, and that mixed with the drinks mean that he’s just thinking extra hard with his dick, not that his heart is fluttering because she’s standing so close and holding him while she smells so nice.

She squeezes his arm again, and his heartbeat leaps in response. Again.

Damn it.

Does he like her? Actually?

“I feel like you see a lot of things that other people don’t, Haechan.” She speaks suddenly, her voice quiet as the words are meant just for him. “I think you keep a lot of secrets. You can share secrets sometimes. I have secrets too. We could trade.”

Haechan looks down again, meeting her eyes as she rests her head on his shoulder. It shouldn’t make his heart beat as fast as it does. They’re just friends. Just friends and coworkers. Even as he tries to convince himself of that fact, he can hear and feel the lie. Does she know? Is she trying to get him to confess these feelings that he’s only realized he has about a minute or two ago?

“Can’t you just share the secret of how you know with absolute certainty that Johnny and his secretary are fucking?” She wheedles.

Ah. Of course. He’d forgotten they were talking about that. Of course that’s what she meant.

That secret.

Even with their history which stretches back nearly five years now, Haechan doesn’t think he can share with her the secret of why he knows their boss is fucking his secretary. How do you tell someone that you’re a fucking voyeur?

“I don’t think you want to know my secrets.” Haechan turns his head away, choosing to stare at the graffiti on the clear walls sheltering the bus stop’s bench. “You wouldn’t look at me the same.”

She snorts. “I don’t know about that, Lee Donghyuck.”

God, he likes the way she says his name. He watches her lips, wondering when she’ll say his name again.

“Maybe I have secrets that would make you look at me differently,” she says. Haechan doubts that anything she could tell him would make him think differently of her, and the look he sends her way surely says that, but she smiles and tilts her face up. “Maybe I could tell you a thing or two that would make you finally see me as less than a perfect angel.”

Like what? Like her and Renjun fucking in the shower in Thailand? Her and Renjun messing around in the dark two inches away from him? If she wants to share those secrets with him, Haechan would be glad to hear them.

“Alright.” Haechan doubts she has any truly dark, dirty secrets that he doesn’t already secretly know, but if she wants to play this game, he’s eager to hear what perspective-altering secrets she might have to share with him. But learning her secrets means sharing some of his own, and the thought of that kind of scares him. He shrugs her off his arm right as her bus pulls up. “Not tonight. though. Let’s keep our secrets just a little while longer.”

“Promise?” She asks, lifting a hand up between them, her pinky finger extended to him.

Haechan pauses.

He doesn’t really want to tell her that he’s a disgusting perv. She’s really going to think he’s so gross. She’ll want nothing to do with him anymore, and given the way that his heart keeps jumping, he’s not so sure he could survive her cutting contact with him. He can’t tell her the truth. He can’t promise her this, can he?

But he looks into her eyes, and she’s just fully alight with excitement. There’s a separate promise in her eyes, a vow that she won’t hate him for what he’s going to tell her someday.

And then, lastly, she says, “Donghyuck?”

Haechan nods jerkily. He joins his pinky finger with her. This is the second promise he’s made to her like this. This, and the promise that they’re in this together. Friends and coworkers and teammates that have each other's backs. So he makes this promise.

“I promise, angel. We’ll trade secrets and truths someday soon.”

She drags their bound hands towards her face, and she smacks a kiss against the back of Haechan’s hand.

Before he even has the time to register or react to that, she’s already dropping his hand and walking away.

He’s simply stunned. Reeling a bit with the ghost imprint of her lips tingling on the back of his hand.

She smiles over her shoulder at him as she walks towards the idling bus, and his heart does these dumb little leaps and swirls in his chest.

Fuck.

Yeah, that’s a familiar feeling. One he hasn’t felt in a while.

She walks away, straight towards the bus without looking back at him, and for some reason he can’t stand the thought of her leaving tonight without him catching one more look at her face.

“Text me when you make it home!” Haechan calls out right as she places her foot on the first step up into the bus.

She looks.

Just a quick turn of her head.

She just waves and then hops on board.

Haechan waits right there, shivering alone in the cool, damp night air, watching her until she’s sitting down.

Fuck. He really…

She peeks out the window and catches him still looking. Her eyes and nose crinkle from her smile.

Another wave, a little smile.

He’s fucked.

That’s what the feeling in his heart and his belly are telling him. Totally and completely fucked because somehow, someway, after years of being friends with her, he’s developed feelings that are quickly racing towards the ridiculous notion of being in love with her.

In love? Did he really just think that?

God dammit. Is he in love?

Haechan walks away.

previous chapter || next chapter

a/n: Haechan finally realizing and acknowledging that he has feelings for her?! A monumental step for this guy, honestly.

Of course, the bits with Johnny and the secretary are inspired by the events in workplace (mis)conduct if you'd like to check that out

Comments, likes, reblogs, and all that good stuff are forever and always appreciated! Thank you for reading! Next chapter will of course be posted next Tuesday!

#haechan #nct haechan #haechan smut #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct 127 smut #nct dream #nct #nct 127 #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #nct 2023

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cinnamongorll · 2 years ago

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a fragile line - chapter 2

read on ao3! (111k words) | previous chapter | next chapter | masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female OC

Tags: extreme slow burn, age gap, older man/younger woman, protective joel, jealous joel, hurt/comfort, pov third person, mutual pining, angst, sexual tension, friends to lovers, canon-typical violence, feral joel, parental abuse.

Fic synopsis: three years ago, Juliet escaped her father's religious survivor camp, ending up in the Boston QZ. Juliet created a life for herself in Boston, desperate to forget the trauma of her upbringing. One day, Juliet arrives home to find a mysterious letter which forces her to return to her home town. Juliet can't travel the harsh post-apocalyptic landscape alone, so she enlists the help of the grumpy and, at times, frightening man she works alongside: Joel Miller.

Word count: 2.4k

Chapter 2: ‘Put It On Me’

Joel Miller: cold, aloof, and famously uncharitable.

Not a man you could ask for a favour. Especially not to join a stranger in a highly dangerous and potentially deadly journey across the country.

But Joel, despite his reputation, was not a god, he was only a man and that meant he could be bribed or blackmailed, perhaps.

Drugs or alcohol were not an option. Despite being the most sought after product in the Qz, Joel wouldn’t be interested. He was the one who sold them.

A dull ache had begun to spread across the back of Juliet’s skull. She dropped her head onto the table and felt the sweat coating her skin stick to the glossy paper of the map.

The spiral turning in her mind started to pick up speed again, her darkest thoughts now gripping her lungs. Juliet forced herself to take a deep breath, and another, and another. Her father knew where she was now, she had to get out of her apartment and out of the QZ, fast.

Juliet thought back to every interaction she could remember having with Joel, every time their eyes met or every time he looked away too quickly. Joel was impenetrable, always holding his thoughts close to his chest.

Juliet sat up quick, her hand instantly reaching to her forehead to calm the wave of dizziness that washed over her.

She remembered something:

Abe, a kind but pliant man, worked the radio for the QZ and held ‘office hours’ on weekdays. Anyone in Boston who wanted to contact another QZ waited in a large queue in the dusty hallway outside Abe’s apartment.

Not Joel, though.

Juliet was walking through the building a few days ago when she shuffled past the line of bored residents. With no intention of stopping, she kept her head down and avoided eye-contact, as always. Her pace slowed, however, when she heard a familiar name. Juliet turned her head and noticed two men complaining, not very discreetly, about Joel:

“This isn’t the first time he’s done this,” grumbled a tall man who leaned against the peeling wallpaper.

His friend grunted and moved closer, “he just walks past, skipping the whole line like we ain’t even here” he replied, rolling his eyes.

The tall one snorted, “As if he’s the only bastard in Boston who needs to use the radio.”

Juliet paused, now incredibly interested in the conversation of the two whining men. Joel was sending messages out of the QZ? To who?

Juliet continued to walk past the queue and rounded the corner until she could safely tuck into a dark corner and attempt to catch a glimpse inside Abe’s apartment/office.

There he was. Joel Miller, sliding a piece of crumpled tin foil across Abe’s desk.

It didn’t take a genius to know what was inside.

Joel sat forward, his elbows now resting on the dark oak as he watched Abe open the silver package. She was only able to catch a glimpse of his profile but Juliet could still make out the hard clench of Joel’s jaw, locked in place, as he waited for Abe to take a puff.

They started to talk and Juliet inched forward, careful to remain in the shadow of the corner, but she was too far away to hear any part of the conversation. It was clear it wasn’t going well - for Joel, at least.

Seconds later, Joel abruptly rose from his chair, the screech of metal rang out along the hallway, and he stalked out of the apartment without looking back. Terrified she might be caught snooping, Juliet was gone before he reached the doorway.

Juliet shook her head, she had forgotten all about that strange observation, having been immediately caught up in another Firefly ambush when she left the building.

Now though, the memory flushed her body with adrenaline. She sat up straight, the ache in her head had begun to recede. A plan started to take form in her mind, the different puzzle pieces clicking together. There was someone important to Joel outside of the QZ. If she found out who that was, she could use that information to her advantage.

That meant she had to pay a visit to Abe.

Unfortunately, he didn’t share intel for free.

Juliet turned to the window on her right, the glass was clouded, aged with the building. Still, Juliet could make out the dark blue sky as night rapidly descended on Boston. Shock had dulled the passage of time, the minutes silently passing around her.

Juliet walked to her cupboard, her steps quick as she grabbed her hidden backpack filled with supplies ready to be used at a moment’s notice. With one last mournful look at her apartment, Juliet made her way across the hall to Kenny’s door, the neighbour who didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

He broke into her apartment on more than one occasion. It was only fair she repaid the favour.

Juliet pulled a hair pin from the inside pocket of her jacket and started to work on Kenny's rusted lock. Her neighbour was notorious for arriving back home seconds before curfew, always narrowly missing the enforcers. So Juliet had some time, less than an hour to be exact.

Seconds later, Juliet heard the familiar metallic pop and she was in. Similar to most in the QZ, Abe was very receptive to bribes. She had witnessed it first hand when Joel expertly slid that tinfoil in his direction and Juliet watched a lazy grin glide over Abe’s face.

Good thing Juliet knew someone else Joel sold to and good thing that person was stupid enough to leave his supply on his dining table where anyone with a hair pin could find it. The small, chalky white tablets were now safely tucked in her jacket pocket.

Juliet made her way out of the apartment, cringing as the old linoleum creaked under her cautious steps. She took the time to lock the door behind her before tiptoeing down the stairs and past Margaret’s apartment. Juliet prayed no shadows under Margaret’s door announced her departure from the building.

Outside, the streets were quiet, most residents of the QZ probably now tucked away in their apartments. A peaceful night of relative safety was taken from Juliet the second she picked up that letter.

She was on borrowed time anyways, Juliet always knew her father would find her eventually.

Tendrils of doubt and fear threatened to creep back into her mind and destroy the numbness which currently clouded her thoughts. As she moved through the murky streets, Juliet wasn’t just racing against time.

When she arrived at Abe’s building, Juliet sacrificed a precious moment to rest her back against the red brick wall and let her eyes fall closed. Juliet was not a naturally hostile person, she always prioritised indifference in her daily interactions. But she was a survivor, which meant that she would do anything, be anything to ensure her safety and the survival of the people she loved. Meaning, for Ethan, she would wear a mask of hostility.

She entered the building and hugged shadows to Abe’s apartment. Juliet didn’t wait for an invitation to enter before she stalked through the unlocked door.

“Abe, I need a word,” Juliet declared, she kept her voice clipped and steady.

Abe stood by the radio and turned quickly at the sound of Juliet’s entrance. A puzzled expression took over his face, his mouth turned downwards.

“Juliet? What are you doing here? It’s almost curfew,” he said, his voice cushioned with a cautious tone.

When Juliet just stared back, Abe released a heavy sigh and walked over to his desk. He pushed back his chair and dropped himself into the padded leather.

“Take a seat,” Abe huffed as he pointed across his desk at the vacant chair.

Juliet approached at a leisurely pace as she took the seat opposite him. She placed her backpack on the floor, leaned forward in her chair and placed her elbows on the table. Then she straightened her back, attempting to imitate the air of intimidation she had witnessed from Joel.

“I’ll keep this short,” Juliet asserted. “I need information about Joel Miller.”

Abe’s furrowed brow deepened, confusion now etched in the fine lines of his face.

“Joel?” He asked, before sighing.“I don’t deal in information, Juliet. I just listen to the radio,” Abe replied, dismissal clear in his tone, as he shifted in his chair, moving to stand.

“Stop,” Juliet commanded. She raised her left hand and willed it to stay steady as she reached her right hand into her pocket, pulling out the pills. Just like Joel, Juliet locked eyes with Abe as she slid the contraband.

A smug smile twitched at the corner of her mouth as she leaned back in her chair, folding her arms over chest.

“Like I said,” Juliet maintained, stretching out the words, giving Abe time to make the right decision. “I need information on Joel Miller.”

Abe stared back at her and for a moment, one terrifying moment, Juliet thought he would throw the pills back at her. But no, Abe’s irritated expression eventually transformed into a sly smile to match her own.

“Okay. What do you want to know?” he asked, already reaching for the drugs.

Relief was sudden and intense, it settled deep in her stomach and relaxed her tight muscles. Juliet was careful to not let it show on her face.

“I know he has someone on the outside he’s contacting,” she paused.“I want to know who.”

Abe whistled low then tossed back one of the pills with a swig of water.

“Well, that’s a whole can of worms,” he replied.

Juliet raised her eyebrows and made a vague gesture with her hand - go on.

“He’s got a brother,” Abe began, swallowing rough.

Once again, Juliet willed her features to remain neutral, to show no sign of the shock now coursing through her body. A brother?

“He stopped responding to Joel’s messages about three weeks ago,” Abe continued.“Not like him, he usually replies within a couple days. Got Joel all worried.”

It was Juliet’s turn to be confused. Joel, worried? Juliet had yet to see a glimmer of emotion on the man’s face. He was always so stoic, always so detached. It was a surprise to hear there was someone he cared about, someone he worried about.

Unaware of the turmoil that raged behind Juliet’s steady features, Abe continued to speak as he rambled something about Joel’s accusation of his incompetence. Juliet collected this new information about Joel and held it close as though it was the key to getting to Ethan. It might well be.

“I told Joel not to go after him, that it might just be a fault in the signal. But of course he wouldn’t listen,” Abe muttered, rolling his eyes.

Juliet perked up, tuning back into the conversation… Joel needed out of the QZ.

“Where does his brother live?” coaxed Juliet, attempting to exude only vague curiosity.

“Wyoming,” Abe replied, shaking his head. “He can’t be serious if he thinks he can travel that far alone…” he trailed off, resting his hands on the desk in front of him.

Wyoming… Juliet’s fledgling plan became a concrete shape, igniting a flicker of hope within her. Her old community, her father’s community, was in Iowa. After years of studying old maps, Juliet was almost sure that it was about halfway between Boston and Wyoming.

This could work.

“Is he planning on going alone?” Juliet asked, eagerness seeping into her tone.

Abe’s eyebrows shot up. “Yes, he’s been dealing for a car battery, no luck though. He can’t wait around much longer,” he replied.

Juliet nodded as she placed her sweaty palms on the dark wood of the desk and pushed herself out of her chair, grabbing her backpack.

Abe leaned back, rolling a pill between his fingers.

“Juliet… Joel’s a capable guy but there are worse things than infected out there. I hear everything on the radio. There are raiders, there are slavers…” he trailed off again.

Juliet knew this all too well.

“I appreciate the concern, Abe, but that’s not what I paid you for,” cautioned Juliet. “Keep this quiet,” she warned, turning towards the door and out of the building.

She didn’t look back.

Outside, curfew was now in place so Juliet pulled her hood up and moved silently through the dark streets. The pressure in her chest was slowly building through her entire conversation with Abe. Now, it threatened to burst. Juliet stopped on a corner and tucked herself into an alleyway. The rain had started, it splashed off the pavement and dampened her jeans. Juliet’s skin was buzzing, electrified by the string of new information about Joel.

For years, Joel was a mystery. Juliet had learned more about Joel in that five minute conversation with Abe than she had in the three years they worked alongside each other, and now she had to use her newfound knowledge against him.

Juliet had no other choice. She would use Joel’s desperation to sedate her own.

Juliet looked up towards the night sky, letting the rain glide over her skin. She took a long breath, licked the water from her lips and moved out of the alley. Juliet danced along the sides of buildings as she headed towards Joel’s apartment.

She had watched him head home a few times after their shifts, his apartment in the same direction as her own. This time, though, it appeared before her so suddenly that she had to force herself to stop, to calm her racing heartbeat as she made her way to the front door.

Shivering, Juliet gripped the door handle into the building, turning it open as her heart continued to pump more adrenaline straight into her gut.

Juliet stalked up to Joel’s apartment, releasing a trembling breath from her damp lips. This was all happening too fast, the puzzle pieces forming her plan had clicked together so quickly. All she could focus on was the bigger picture. But what about the smaller details? What would she say to Joel? Would he even recognise her? Should she knock the door and risk his neighbours hearing her?

Juliet didn’t have to agonise over those thoughts for long. Without warning, the rapid sound of multiple locks consecutively turning reverberated through the dark hallway, before the door swung open.

Joel Miller stood before her, one hand on the handle, the other on the chipped wood of the entryway. Juliet released a strangled gasp, her eyes widened at the sight of his permanent scowl and furrowed brow.

“Juliet?”

#joel miller x oc #joel miller x original character #joel miller x reader #joel miller angst #joel miller x female oc #joel miller fic #joel miller #tlou fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller hbo #joel tlou #ao3 fanfic #pedro pascal #Spotify

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eteisvalssi · 1 year ago

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gig report london 11.4.2024

now that i'm back home and stuck inside for a couple of days bc of bovid, i can finally finish my gig report from london! it's gonna be a long one 😅

i won't be getting too much into how i traveled to london bc the story is long, but let's just say that i would arrange it differently now that i experienced it

in london i met up with @joyuntold, who was my roommate for the two nights! kiitos for letting me tag along with you <3 we had so much fun just yapping the night before the concert that i almost forgot how tired i was at that point 😂

i hadn't slept in well over 24 hours so i went to sleep at 8pm local time and had a good night's sleep before going queueing so that i could stay there for the whole day after i'd gotten my number

the queue had already started the day before because of a misunderstanding and it being posted on social media, which caused the word to spread and suddenly everyone was getting their numbers and just going away for several hours. can we please just not do this?

i did have a fun time in the queue though! there were a lot of familiar faces but i just got really shy with my english for some reason and felt very awkward not talking, so i hung out with my finns a lot during the day

but everyone i talked to that day like overall was just super nice once again! i met and talked to a few mutuals too!

the first band member we saw was jure, he walked past the queue and we all just said hi to him

jan and nace came to the venue together shortly after. i waved at them and nace waved back :)

i didn't see the other band members come to the venue but we did see the family guštin walk by a couple of times

the ee line worked so well, we formed the number queue ourselves and the crowd management worked really well for us. there were multiple lines formed for every type of ticket, but i heard that the ga line was not as successful

i had already lost my hope for barricade on jan and nace's side with how many people there were in the queue before me, but i literally got the perfect spot on the barricade and didn't even have to run for it!

when we got inside i had already completely forgotten about the soundcheck so i was actually surprised when they came on stage 😅 they played astp and proti toku

roots & wings were fun, they were just trying really hard and that was kinda adorable :)

elle coves was amazing! hadn't listened to her songs at all beforehand but i really enjoyed it!

they played the gola setlist and i do get why it's their favorite one

kris especially was on fire during the gig!! idk if it was because his family was there but he gave his everything on stage

we got the demoni scream!!!

also idk what was in padam that night but bojan was really living it and i really felt it and got literal goosebumps

i remember there being a moment when i was like the jance shippers are gonna eat this one up, but i'm too feverish to remember what it was rn

we had a surprise guest on stage! louie starkey, grandson of ringo starr, came on stage during umazane misli and did his own solo.

a finnish translation of umazane misli was also sung that night by yours truly <3 i have no memory from that moment but i just saw a video of it and bojan showed a thumbs up to the band when i started singing 😂 btw if anyone else has any footage from that moment, i would love to see more!

we were like there's no way they're not gonna play ssol and were kinda shocked that it was not on the setlist, but of course they came to play it as an extra encore

after the gig i stayed at the barricade and kiki came over to give the setlists and i got one <3 that was the first time i'd even tried to get one so i was kinda surprised to get it, but it's now on the wall next to my photos i got printed :)

when we went outside there were a lot of people waiting and bojan did come to greet us quickly and take the picture he posted on instagram

i waited for a while but my feet were hurting so much from standing all day that i called it a day just a bit too early and just went to the hotel

the next day i found out that if i'd literally walked back towards the venue with the others instead of leaving to the hotel i would've met some of them 😅

my next two days were spent exploring london, we went to camden town with a friend i'd met before at a gig but we only got to know each other in london! and on saturday i was on a bus on my way to london and it was a sunny day and suddenly sunny side of london started playing from my playlist and that felt so good

overall it was a very fun experience! i got to meet so many cool people, i saw my favorite band yet again, i sung in finnish at fucking shepherd's bush empire, i basically traveled solo for the first time and it went very well. i'm really glad i decided to go :)

also i joked about getting bovid from the gig when i was feeling kinda stuffy and tired yesterday and today i tested positive with covid 🤠

#joker out #joker out 11.4.2024 #personal #jenny goes to london #i can't really think of anything else anymore #but might update it later

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itwasrealtome · 10 months ago

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THIN ICE

Here's an extract from THIN ICE. Enjoy !

And here’s the full version

If you’d like to be tagged in the upcoming posts, please let me know in comments, my dm, or fill in the FORM. It’s free and I don’t bite :)

A/N : Question is : What mistake did Y/n make?

This afternoon, the streets seemed even more crowded than usual. The vehicles flooded the roads, coming from every corner and blocking the main way out.

Behind a queue of about ten of them, a police car came to a sudden halt. The alarm was on, and the blue and red flashing lights blinded anyone who looked in that direction.

But no one moved.

Not even the sound of a horn persuaded the citizens of New York to get out of the path.

— Dude, can’t you just warn before doing that kind of thing?

The blonde gave a brief glance to her passenger. She expected to find her glued to the door, her fingers clenched around the top handle, but she didn’t.

Y/N was desperately trying to absorb the contents of her cup on her worktop. The wipers provided with her order, finally finding their use.

— Sorry about your shirt.

— Yeah, well you owe me a coffee.

— Sure you’re okay?

— Rollins, it’s just a shirt. I think I can get over it.

Amanda gave her a knowing glance. She expected this kind of answer from the young officer. Everyone knew what kind of person she was.

— Oh, don’t give me that kind of look.

— But you’re not telling me the truth, Y/N/N!

—Like you don’t keep anything to yourself, huh?

— I made some mistakes, most of them I don’t want you to repeat.

— I seriously doubt you did this one.

***

Taglist :

@electricboost @womenlovingwomen-imagines @hi-1-1 @emskisworld @enjoytheentireworld @arie109 @marvelandotheruniversesloveradhd @philocalistwrites @wittygutsy @observeowl @ravennewlyn @tina-2005 @makkaroni221 @ssaaggwwaa @supercorpstan97 @youdontknowwhotfiamm @mmmmokdok @hbkpop @micaluvssoccer @namelesscheshire @inquisitive-nix @l4yne @rain-mikaelson @idk-whats-wrong-with-me-blog @nciscmjunkie @moonlightjxuregui @thefatobsession @12fluffybunny12 @scarletwitcher97 @thesamesweetie @idonothingallday

#olivia benson x reader #amanda rollins x reader #law and order svu

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lgbtsana · 8 months ago

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ELECTRIC TOUCH

– WINTER ONESHOT

PERM TAG LIST: @run2seob

GENRE: y/n breakup, fated meeting, fated lovers, soulmates, strangers to lovers, nextdoor neighbors.

your boyfriend broke up with you two months ago. he had found another woman, and took the apartment you had been paying for. though, you were able to get the apartment back after showing the bills to the landlord, you still felt hurt.

just when all felt lost, you got a new nextdoor neighbor.

slowly waking up and looking at the time, you realize you're, yet again, late for work. you quickly got out of bed and got ready.

while the day seemed nice, birds chirping, clear blue sky, perfect weather. you were hurting, making the day seem terrible.

ever since the breakup, you haven't felt like yourself. everything seemed horrible and you didn't like that. you tried many methods to cheer you up, such as, hanging out with friends, going to karaoke. nothing seemed to work.

you tried going on a blind date, but he just wasn't your type, but you also didn't want to have the guy as a rebound.

suddenly, you heard driving outside your window. there was a moving truck, making you remember that you have a new neighbor as of today.

“i should probably go greet them..” you mumbled, thinking of a last minute gift to bring to them. “ah! the cookies!” the night before you made cookies, chocolate chunk.

grabbed a tupperware container, you placed four cookies inside.

you opened your apartment door and stuck your head out, checking to see if anyone had come up yet. noticing no one, you walked out and then noticed a blonde female in the corner of your eye.

“you must be my neighbor,” the female shyly spoke, “i've been excited to move in, so hello.” she waved with a gentle smile. your eyes locked on hers, the tense air lifting.

you felt your heart leap as soon as you saw her, she was breathtaking. you couldn't help but blush slightly within her presence.

“yes, hi. i am your neighbor.” you whispered, feeling nervous around her. she was just so beautiful, you felt like a peasant in her presence.

“huh? sorry, i didn't hear you..”

“ah! i'm your neighbor, nice to meet you...?” you were able to speak a full sentence, yet your voice shook nervously. “i’m y/n, seo y/n, you are?”

“ah! kim minjeong! nice to meet you.” minjeong held out her hand, waiting for you to shake it.

gladly taking her small, gloved, hand, you shook her hand, nodding as if acknowledging her name. you found it odd she had her hands gloves, but you brushed it off.

“so we’ll be next door neighbors from now on huh?” she smiled, “at least my new neighbor is nice!” she laughed slightly, before she turned on her heel. “i need to unpack, talk later?” she stuck a note in your jean pocket before leaving.

pulling the note out of your pocket, without touching you, her door shut. you opened it to see her phone number on it, you couldn't help but giggle.

you put her number in your phone, sending a text, just letting her know your number.

a few hours later, you received a text back and you both chatted over the phone. a conversation that was fun, something that you hadn't had in a while. for the first time in a while, you were smiling. her little jokes or puns made you laugh, after your breakup, it was hard to laugh because of the pain of it.

yet, minjeong was somehow able to make you laugh. it was nice.

the next day, you were taking out your trash and noticed minjeong. her hands still gloved, yet you just didn't mind it. maybe it was something with her health, you didn't mind either way.

“oh hey!” you exclaimed excitedly, your voice louder than it had been in a while. visibly surprised, she turned to you with a smile.

“taking out your trash?” she came over to you, placing her gloved hand on your shoulder. answering her question with a nod, she giggled at you, “your little reactions are so cute!”

you felt your heart flutter, your face flushing at the sudden compliment.

as if on queue, her phone pinged. “i gotta go, my boss is calling me. talk later?” she asked, waiting for your response, “of course.”

minjeong smiled at your answer and left. skipping away happily, which you couldn't help but laugh to yourself.

the compliments didn't stop after that, left and right, a compliment came your way from minjeong. and, everytime, you went speechless with a red face.

she couldn't help but find anything you did adorable. the feelings between the both of you continued to grow.

one day, she invited you over to her place. of course, you accepted, your crush on her still growing.

“you called?” you teased, giggling. “indeed i did, princess!” her nickname for you slipping off her tongue easily.

“i thought i told you to stop calling me that, minjeong~” you whined, not hating the nickname.

“you did, but it suits you!” minjeong pouted, “the nickname stays, princess.” she stuck her tongue out.

feeling defeated you sighed, knowing you wouldn't win, “fine, fine.”

for the first time, you noticed her gloves off. she noticed your surprised look, and asked, “what?”

you took her hand in yours and looked at it, “no gloves...”

until, you felt an electric shock? visibly looking in pain, she pulled her hand away. her gloves getting put back on her hands.

“are you okay? i'm so sorry!” she apologized, concerned yet her voice trembled.

“i'm fine, are you okay?” you asked her, noticing her trembling.

you rested a hand on her shoulder, before petting her back, telling her to calm down and that you're okay.

her gloved hand touched your cheek and she kissed you gently.

taken aback, you didn't react at first. “i- i'm so sorry..” she whispered when she pulled away, seeing the shock on your face.

before she could run away, you placed your lips back on hers. both of your lips moving in sync, hungry for each other. minjeong took a chance to advance and pinched your skin, making you open your mouth. her tongue dancing with your own, your one hand gripped on the sleeve of her shirt. the other on the back of her neck, holding her soft hair.

the heavy breathing from the two became elaborate, you both feeling hot and almost devouring one another.

minjeong became to grin into the kiss, moving her hand down to the rim of your shorts.

minjeong was the first to pull away, both of you breathing heavily. the tension in the room evident.

“wow..” she whispered, still close enough to kiss again. your eyes stared into hers, still hungry for more.

placing a gentle kiss on your cheek, “another time~” she winked, grabbing your hand.

“i have something to tell you.” the sentence made your face drop, “oh.” you whispered.

“oh! that's not what i mean, princess.” she reassured, “you know that shock you got earlier?”

you nodded, remembering the moment, “well, my mom called it a soulmate shock, though i am not completely sure what it means, i just know it means we are fated lovers?” she shrugged, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

you couldn't help but smile, your face lighting up with joy. “so, does that mean we date?”

minjeong pulled you in for a cuddle, “or more, you never know~”

NOTE: i really hope you enjoyed! that was my first time writing a makeout scene so i hope it was good! give me feedback on how i can improve in the future.

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ectogeo-art · 5 months ago

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WIP TAG GAME

I was tagged by @sapphosewrites to share a sentence or excerpt from my WIP(s) that start with the letters SHARE. I was also tagged by @dreamerdrop to do the same with the word SNAKE. And then I was tagged by @maeselc for the word WORTHY. So, uh, I'm gonna do them all because I love this shit and I have sentences and WIPs aplenty, but I'll put it all under the cut so that the post is not super long lol. These come from a wide variety of my WIPs, so good luck trying to figure out the context of any of these sentences lmaooo ^_^ <3

Also, I have no idea who has been tagged yet in the weeks(?) that this has been circulating our corner of tumblr... I'll no-pressure tag @hellostuffedtiger and @nostalgia-tblr and @walkingstackofbooks and @ernmark and anyone who wants to do this (or even anyone who wants to do this AGAIN, if you want to share more sentences!!!). My word for you is HEART. <3

S: Sisko had no idea how he’d made Dukat think they were familiar enough to be on a first-name basis.

H: He clawed at Sloan trying to get away, but those bony fingers held his hair with a vice-like grip and his own nails skated ineffectually across leather.

A: After a heartbeat and a soft inhalation, Garak’s hands tentatively alit on his back.

R: Romantic/sexual entanglements, especially those cemented by falsified soulbonds, are a well-tested and well-established way to increase a target’s closeness and trust with an operative, often even leading to their willing recruitment.

E: Every day, every lunch, every radiant smile, Garak would stumble a little closer toward letting something foolish and desperate slip from his lips.

SNAKE

S: “Speaking of bastards,” he said somewhat more affectionately, “have you talked to Garak yet?”

N: “No? But it sounds so interesting. Certainly more engaging than these worthless chips.” He flicked his entire stack, currently the tallest by a slim margin, sending them all clattering to the floor.

“Hey, now, let’s not—”

“I’m not sure that I’m comfortable—”

“Precisely. I’m a very private man myself, as you know, but it’s specifically the fact that it’s uncomfortable—for all of us—that might give the game a sense of real stakes.”

A: An unsettling grin spread slowly across Garak’s face. “Tell me, how far are you willing to go to shake him off?”

K: Keiko couldn’t begin to fathom how Miles had turned Gilora down.

E: Each time Ross won the bid, Garak would flash his intense blue eyes at Sisko conspiratorially in a way that made something in Sisko stir more pleasantly than he would have liked. Each time, he and Garak worked together flawlessly, always leaving perfect openings for the other to attack. And then on the next hand it would all reset, and he and Garak would just as often end up pitted against each other, holding absolutely nothing back as they tried to undermine each other’s plans.

WORTHY

W: With a sense of dread, he noticed a few others appeared to be forming a queue leading toward his table instead of the usual one leading toward the replicators, and he instantly understood the implication in the way one does within dreams.

O: “Oh, there is always something left to lose.”

His tone was playful but the gravity of his words still sent a chill down Sisko’s spine.

R: “Really?” he said skeptically. “But how can Cardassia lack for conversationalists?”

T: They held each other in a vice grip, fingers digging into flesh, grunting their pleasure and pain, arching toward each other but always stopping just short of a kiss.

H: He couldn’t imagine who he’d have to become in order to fall for someone like Sloan.

I fell for Garak, though, didn’t I? he thought with a dark lurch of his heart.

Y: “You think I don’t know about you finding excuses to hold his hand? Your embraces? Whatever you two did on that runabout you took to Bajor? There was nothing friendly or innocent about the way he behaved around you, but you knew that and encouraged it, even when you were greedily taking my love and attention too.”

#my wips #tag game #like feel free to ask for context if you are intrigued by something #I just didn't feel like this post needed to be longer and specify which wip each line was from

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lord-aldhelm · 6 months ago

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WIP Wednesday

Another week, another tag game! Please share your last sentence; or, if you don’t have one, share a plot bunny or idea! (OR sketch for your artwork!)

Thank you for tagging me @paula-in-dreamland!!! I cannot believe it is Wednesday already! Urgh!

A little snippet from Chapter 11 of my Aldflaed WIP Darkest Before the Dawn:

She gazed up at him with eyes filled with a warmth and softness that he had not seen from her before. It made him uneasy, and he glanced around quickly to make sure no one was watching them. He forced himself to maintain composure and keep his face as stoic as possible, which was becoming increasingly difficult given the way she kept staring at him.

I plan to publish Chapter 9 sometime this week as well.

In art news, I have to put Aldhelm on hold for the time being, since I need to get started on my pet portrait commissions! I am sad casting him aside, but I hope to be able to get back to painting him next month! Here is the last WIP photo before the break:

The sword is finished! I started working on his hands but did not get the chance to finish them before stopping. Once the final piece is done, I will show close up scans of it with details about the various parts/symbols in it.

Now, the first pet portrait of the year:

This is Chibi! He is a shorthaired grey kitty with BIG green eyes! I am working on the background for his portrait right now.

Other things I am currently working on:

Re-making a few gifsets from early Season 3 and one from Season 2 with better coloring/quality (already done, in my queue)

Making gifsets for Season 4 (just finished episode 1 a few days ago)

Making gifsets for Wihtgar for the source blog (hope to post the first one soon)

A series of edits for my Pinterest account that I will also be posting here

No pressure tags:

@gemini-mama @thelettersfromnoone @synintheraven @garunsdottir @thenameswinter99

@bagheerita @solinarimoon @errruvande @aneurins-barnard

@waterfallsilverberrywrites @holy3cake @whitedarkmoonflower @bilbotargaryen

@grinningkatz @ladyinred2248 @hikaruchen @st-eve-barnes @alexagirlie @lady-wyrd

Let me know if you want to be added/removed from my taglist.

#wip wednesday #tag games #fanfic wip #aldflaed fanfic wip #art wip

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myfandomprompts · 2 years ago

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𝐆𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 | 𝐓𝐨𝐦 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝟓)

Summary: It's time for Tom to go home, but crossing France is no easy task. You are back on the road again but you're not alone. Previous part - Masterlist

Tags: fluff, mention of death, death scenery

A/N: Thank you @babyblue711 for betareading. It's been fun to write for him again.

French spoken -> italics

There was something infuriating about crossing France at such a pace.

In fact, as soon as Tom and Giulia had gotten out of the American Hospital, there had been a lot of hiding and waiting for hours while the Germans settled in Paris like they were at home. When they finally reached the outwards of Paris, dark had fallen again and over the next few days they barely had been able to sleep.

Now, Tom and Giulia were walking across a field, the morning fog sticking to the wheat around them and the warm sun of June already peeking behind the woods they were headed towards. Tom’s hands were cold, so he put them in his pockets where the two cigarette packets rested safely, his fingers grazing them like they were a source of comfort.

“Where are we?”

Giulia didn’t turn around, trotting in front of him with purpose. “Nearing Etampes, we’ve still got a few kilometres to go.”

Tom felt silly for his question, for he had no idea what that meant for them. All he knew was that they would go as south as possible and get transportation once beyond the Demarcation Line, where France was said to be “free”, and that would be the most difficult task according to his guide.

He liked her. She was not really talkative but he didn’t care much, rather satisfied to remain with his own thoughts as they crossed the countryside. It was obvious she was smart from what he could tell, handy, and he was kind of grateful that she was here, leading him and risking her life to help him escape.

She also had figured him out quite quickly, to his greatest discontent. “We would go faster if you’d stop looking over your shoulder all of the time,” she stated as she crossed the hem of the woods they had finally reached.

Tom scowled, fastening his pace to catch up with her. “Maybe you should stop gawking at me and focus on our itinerary, eh? Wouldn't want us to get lost.”

“We won’t be lost as long as you stay close, and don’t flatter yourself,” she scoffed. “It’s like you're expecting something or someone to catch up with us. Trust me, the Germans are already ahead, or too busy north."

Tom found no witty response to retort as he looked at the green of the trees around him. Maybe he was not walking as fast as she was because he was indeed reluctant to gain speed, and maybe he was looking over his shoulder because he expected someone to appear behind him. Just… late to the party, maybe.

He closed his fingers around the packets more tightly as he jumped over a tree trunk.

Several hours later, when the sun was at its zenith, they had left the series of dry fields and forests and had emerged on a green path, where queues of people walked at a slow pace right before them.

Both him and Giulia came to a stop, observing as passed people of all ages and sizes, entire families, sometimes with bags, sometimes bereft of it, sometimes lucky enough to have an animal or a bike to carry it. He watched as a frail and exhausted-looking woman gave water to the infant in her arms, dusty and crying from fatigue as the heat weighed on them. Next to them, a half-burned car was abandoned on the side of the road, slowing down the advancement of the scattered mass. Tom could hear the roar of working automobiles somewhere further down the road and the neigh of horses.

“What… are they doing?” he asked, lips parted as he watched a child crunch a piece of bread between his teeth like it was stone.

“Fleeing,” Giulia answered, “Or going home. One of the two options. Come on.”

They jumped over the ditch that separated them from the road and began merging with the travellers, joining the queue of Belgians and French people that had fled the bombing of their home for months, and were now at a loss about what to do and where to go, Germans at every corner of the road.

You looked at your watch with impatience, seeing the sun filter through the thick curtain of the train window with Henriette seated across from you, anxiously looking around.

You felt the train slow down, and soon the sign of Chartes train station appeared as the wagon came to a full stop. You and Henriette didn’t move, watching as some people stood up to retrieve their bags and get off the train one after the other until a railwayman entered your wagon shouting.

“Terminus messieurs dames, veuillez descendre s’il vous plaît, le train n’ira pas plus loin!”

You exchanged a panicked glance with your friend, feeling the other remaining passengers stand up around you with murmured questions.

“What is happening? Why is the train stopping here? It’s too soon!”

You gave your friend a sharp shake of your head before grabbing your bag from above your head and making your way to exit the train, Henriette hot on your heels. The platform was crowded, so much so that you felt compelled to take the nurses’ hand in order not to lose her. People were coming in and out of the train station, some complaining and some looking around with anguish. You made your way to the billboard where hours of travel were displayed with difficulty, having to use your shoulders with force to do so.

“Excuse me, what is happening?” you approach a man that was already examining the sign with narrowed eyes.

“I’m afraid that there are no trains left in this station going south. Bridges blown up and orders from… above,” he trailed, a disgusted look on his face. “They don’t want people fleeing any more. Made them all stop until they got the system right.”

You felt dread fill you before thanking him and exiting the train station, watching helplessly as groups of people began unpacking food and looking around for cars to rent, rooms to lodge in, or officers to yell at. The rest only walked away to an adjacent street.

“Y/N, what do we do? We are a long way from Poitiers, and we have no transport.”

You tightened your grasp around your bag, looking at the people disappearing at a corner.

“Like everybody else. We walk.”

The walk was tiresome, but it was nothing compared to the many travellers you crossed paths with, those from the Exode who had been on the roads for weeks, months even, and had lost everything, all of this trying to escape a fight that caught up with them in the end.

But generosity was as current as grief in this time of need and you found lodging in a little shop prepared for refugees when night came, its shelves empty from the lack of resupply due to the German advancement. You couldn't say that it was comfortable but at least you could lie down, a luxury some did not have when they came down south, and you and Henriette exhaled in relief when you finally put down your bags and rested.

Food was what came to lack most rapidly, and when you took the road again in the morning under a hot bright sun, your water was running out as well, and several hours later, you were happy to find in the next village a pretty little square with a water pump available. Only, many more had that idea, and the queue to reach the precious liquid was long, so you were left to wait and listen to what was said around you.

“83, she was…slaughtered on the spot. Such a shame…”

You turn to look at the man talking, a tall middle-aged man wearing a hat protecting him from the sun, a thick flask hanging around his shoulder by a leather strap. He was recounting the story of what happened in a nearby village a week ago to a group of travellers, and you approached to listen as well.

“What happened?” asked a woman with a quiet voice.

“Refused to let them occupy her house, that’s all. She lost her husband in the Great War, couldn’t stomach a Boche, kept her head high she did… They dragged her out of her home and shot her. Bloody animals…” he trailed off as everybody looked down, you and Henriette mirroring them. “For me, she was the first resistant, didn’t wait for de Gaulle’s call to start acting.”

The queue moved a little bit more before you and you took a few trembling steps forwards, clutching your bag between your arms. You thought about your brother, somewhere is the north, either dead, made prisoners or lost. You thought about your parents who had travelled far away from the fight that had probably reached them by now, and you hoped they were safe. You thought about Tom, who had survived worse days and you muttered a little prayer between your lips to thank that he was still alive.

All around you it was all tales of how the Germans had cut through the countryside at lightning speed and didn’t even bother killing civilians in the process, dispersing them as much as they could. Each story had you hang on every word that one stranger or another said as you patiently waited your turn to quench your thirst.

Tom looked around, his height enabling him to see above the sea of heads around him, waiting for the same thing they did, and let out a sigh before lowering himself down to level Giulia’s ear.

“You lot have a knack for being slow, I reckon,” he said without making any effort to whisper, and his travelling partner immediately gave him a dark look.

Tom sneered, rolling his shoulders as he raised himself up again while she went back to ignoring him, hands firmly holding the bag on her back and waiting patiently for their turn.

But Tom was not as patient, and most of all, he was bored. He had just finished his first packet of cigarettes, and he found nothing else to do than to look around.

He had to admit, the place was beautiful. Trees bordering the courtyard, the fountain in its middle, the yellow walls of the building around them reflecting the pavements under their feet that shone with the sunlight. But, however pretty it was, all screamed panic around him, something unnatural as families waited for their turn to fill up their bottles with water, asking around for things he could not understand and he wished that Giulia would talk more. Teasing her was the sole thing that amused him lately, but she was reluctant to speak English when they were in public.

So he was left with looking over his shoulder and taking in the scenery, fingers playing inside with the content of his pockets and humming to himself. His smile dropped when he spotted a familiar head of hair and profile standing near a wall next to a man with an impressive moustache.

He narrowed his eyes and pressed the box in his hands harder as he felt his heart leap in his chest. Was this real, or was he just too thirsty to see clearly? The woman was all he saw now, her hair flowing carelessly in the wind and a heavy bag hanging at her side, eyes raised at the man before her and nodding comprehensively.

“Tom!” he heard Giulia hiss under her breath behind him when his feet led him out of the waiting line and straight to the group near the wall. When he approached and heard your voice, he suddenly felt like he was not on the run any more, but back at home.

“Oui, passed the fence and the bridge, and then Germans at every corner. They’re starting to organise themselves, the noose is tightening,” spoke the moustache man.

“What about Poitiers? Is it beyond the line?”

Tom let the man answer you with what sounded like gibberish to him and came to stand right behind you, a bright smile on his face when he smelled the scent of your hair mixed with days of travelling.

“Can’t seem to shake me off, eh?”

You freeze before you turn around, slowly at first and when your eyes examine him your lips parts in mid surprise, making Tom smile more broadly as he sees your eyes soften at the sight of him.

“M. Bennett,” he hears someone say and he notices for the first time the brown-haired woman standing next to you.

“Nurse,” he greets back with a grin as you close your mouth and look between him and Henriette.

Giulia choses this moment to appear right next to Tom’s shoulder, silently observing your little group with suspicious brows and when you turn your head towards her Tom grins wider.

“That’s my guide. She’s not as bad as you, I’d say. Not that it would be really difficult,” he jokes in the direction of the nurse, unable to hide his happiness while you still look speechless.

The nurse gives him an annoyed scowl before turning towards Giulia who wore the same expression, unamused by Tom’s unconcealed glee.

“So it’s you, the woman that started it all. I’m Henriette, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Giulia,” his companion says back while they shake hands before turning to you, still silent.

You seem to awaken at that moment. “Oh, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you. Thank you for everything you’re doing,” you warmly shake her hand, and there is that flick of your eyes on him that he doesn’t miss. “How come you’re here? It’s a… happy coincidence.”

Tom, grateful that you switched to his language while Giulia winces at that choice, answers. “Just walked, not as fast as you did apparently. Were you really this eager to see me off? Could’ve come with me when I asked you, the journey would’ve been more fun.”

His smile is so bright that you can’t help but smile in turn, and he doesn’t look away from it even when Giulia pulls him away by the arm.

“Tom, I was serious when I said not to talk too loudly,” she whispers harshly as she beckons you and Henriette to follow them aside from the crowd. “We never know who can be listening.”

“She is right,” says Henriette wisely as she comes standing next to her. “I’ve heard there are already spies going around, and on top of that people feel abandoned by the military. Better not to test them.”

Tom groans in frustration and puts his hands back in his pockets, biting his tongue.

“I’m glad you made it,” you smile at him after a beat, and he finds his own again quickly while you stare at each other.

There is this shared happiness in the fact that you found each other again after that heartbreaking goodbye at the hospital, when you both thought you would never cross paths again. But now you’re diving into each other’s soul as if nothing had happened, heart content to gaze upon the other and ascertain that you’re both safe and sound.

His heart feels lighter and he reaches into his pocket to draw out one of the packets you’ve given him in what feels like weeks. “Want one? I’m warning you, they taste like shit.”

You smile before taking one.

The story of how you came to leave Paris is quickly told as well as the tale of your short journey south and when your flasks are filled with water to the brim, you all decide to travel together. Giulia knows where she is going, and it reassures both you and Henriette not to travel on your own any more. The plan is to stick together until you crossed the Demarcation Line and reached the Zone Libre. After that, you'll have to part ways again, and you find yourself less and less eager to arrive at your destination.

You had left Tom with such a heavy heart back in Paris that seeing him appear behind you, so radiant with his blue eyes so bright under the sunlight that you could not believe your luck. Maybe a greater design granted you this extra time with him to make up for your mistakes, the ones you had tried to apologise for in your unsent letters, writing it over and over again before throwing each of them away. Maybe you could use this time to “do things properly”, as he had put it. Yes, you would do that, and parting with him again would be easier.

But as you take to the road again, your mind is suddenly drawn elsewhere when you witness the remnants of the exodus and the consequences of war unfold brutally before your eyes. Bodies of dead horses, swollen by the heat and flies swarming around them sometimes appear upon your path as you walk further south, among other dreadful traces of what happened on these roads. The smell of carcasses you are forced to walk by mixed with the strong scent of fuel from cars you cross paths with repulses you, and you tell yourself that you will get used to it as you keep walking. Once or twice, you’re certain that you can discern improvised graves dug on the side of the road, some objects carefully laid upon the mound of dirt and a cross made of twigs planted above it.

All people killed by the enemy, by exhaustion, or by the war that was said to be over.

But nothing feels like it is, and when you look behind your shoulder to glance at Tom, fleeing the country he came to save, you find him already looking at you, and he gives you a small smile as Giulia walks beside him. You return it softly before looking back ahead of you, watching Henriette at your side lower her gaze when you pass a car with bullet holes in it. Tom will be fine, you tell yourself, and England will too.

An hour passes, and you finally have the chance to slow your pace and level with Tom that gladly lets you walk by his side, Henriette and Giulia busy speaking French ahead.

“So, how does it feel to be a dead man walking?” you ask, glancing at his shoulder where you know his wound is hidden under his shirt.

He smirks. “Surprisingly lively. Got my legs hurting like hell and ain’t no way the dead feel that way. But it’s not that bad, considerin’,” he remarks, lips curving upward and a glint in his eyes. “What about you? Happy to be crossing half the country with a Brit on the run? Not what you had in mind, I reckon.”

“It could be worse,” you shrug, “I could be crossing half the country with a sailor with no ship. A good thing you can swim, though, since there might be no more bridges to cross the river when we get there.”

“Who says I can swim?” he asks, raising a quizzical eyebrow he wants teasing.

You tilt your head to the side in false offence. “You’re lying…”

“Yeah, I am,” he grins wider and you chuckle in turn, a warm feeling in your chest. “Me dad taught Lois and me when we were little. Never got over the fact that she swam faster than I did.”

He smiles at the memory before his gaze turns forward and his eyes become hooded. At that moment, you know his mind had drifted back at home, lost in memories of his family and when you see his smile gradually disappear you feel compelled to say something.

“I’m sure they’re alright,” you begin, making your shoulder brush his arm with a nudge. “You’ll see them soon. You could even be an uncle by now!”

Tom smiles anew, the glint in his eyes returned. “Right, fancy that, me, an uncle. Got to live up to the name now.”

You bite your lip, the picture of Tom holding a small baby in his arms and looking down at its curious little face flashing in your mind. The sight melts your heart, to be able to imagine a future where Tom has the happiness he deserves, away from the fight and among his loved ones.

You realise that you’ll never have time to witness that, that you won’t be there.

You won’t be a part of it.

“Maybe you’ll be able to teach them how to swim when they grow up. You and Douglas.”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” he kicks a rock away with his foot. “It’ll got Harry and all that posh education maybe. Won’t need me very much.”

“I think the baby will be lucky to have you Tom,” you say, nodding your head firmly, feeling the doubt radiating from him and reaching through your skin. “Anybody would.”

His eyes snap back at you and stay there, and you can feel the burn of it on the side of your face. When you meet them they are soft, unsaid words floating through the silence that settles between you as you stare at each other, the affection tangible and heavy.

The silence is broken by a loud noise, a roar that seems to approach quickly and you raise your eyes at the sky like everybody else around you to search for the source of it. It becomes louder by the second, filling the air and you hear someone yell somewhere ahead before the sound of the engine becomes clear to you.

“Pas des nôtres !” Not ours! Someone shouts again and suddenly people are moving, scattering everywhere they can to find cover, rolling beneath their carts or jumping down the ditches at the side of the road beneath the trees that border it, out of view.

You surge into action, feeling Tom’s hand on your back and Henriette’s pull at your arm before you jump down in a ditch, back pressed against the dirt with the others, eyes directed at the sky in the hope to see the deadly machine that emits that deafening sound. Despite the leaves above you, you feel blinded by the light of the blue sky, the heat of June crushing you and you have no choice but to lower your gaze, blinking as icy panic fills your body, freezing you into place.

When you open your eyes again, it’s Tom they see, crouching next to you instead of lying down, as ready to run, eyes tensed in focus as they rake the sky for something to see. His chest heaves with every breath he takes, his hands tighten into fists, the anguish radiating off his skin as you can see on his face the dreadful memories he is reliving as clearly as words on a page. Memories of chasers coming down on a beach and the sharp pain of his shoulder among the screeching sound of sirens.

You don’t think, you reach for his hand on the grass, resting your palm over his fist and there is that slight flinching of his shoulders before his gaze snaps down where your hands meet. He stares at it, eyes softening before raising his eyes at you, and you smile, like it’s only the two of you in this place, like nothing else exists.

He opens his fingers and lets you take his palm, gently squeezing as you wait for the sound to come over you, passing far too close above and then it’s gone, fading away as quickly as it came.

Nobody moves at first, waiting for the noise to die in the distance and you exhale, watching as people start coming out of their hiding in shock silence.

A thumb caresses the side of your hand and you feel yourself being pulled upward out of the ditch.

A/N:

The ID in order to cross the line (auswei) was established in the course of July 1940. Late June/August, when Tom travels, the Germans were ensuring the correct functioning of the demarcation line, and setting official crossing points. Late June the Germans were still advancing before being called back after the signature of the franco-italian armistice by direct order, and roughly form the demarcation line.

Between the 20th and 26th of June, families are returning home, encouraged by the new government as Tom and Giulia go to the new Free Zone to cross the Spanish border.

The story of the 80 years old woman who got shot is a true one. She died a few hours before the armistice was announced.

Trad: "Terminus, ladies and gentlemen, would you please get off the train, it won't go any further!"

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Part 6

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