#with a lot of work and effort

[moonamite]

Ever since I was little I always got the impression Randall was an autistic boy who just wanted people to like him, to be accepted and praised, but ultimately ends up with the wrong crowd- Which ALSO reminds me of my experience with autism in a school setting where people will only come to you if you can be ‘useful’ to them, like ROR with Randall’s camouflage ability, and how easy it is to be tricked into mistaking this for genuine kindness.

On the topic of camouflage, whether intentional or not, it’s a perfect metaphor for masking, ‘blending in’. And how Randall has to change who he is just to fit in, starting out small by taking off his glasses, and ending with him completely changing who he is as a person. It all hits way too close to home for me.

And I’m not excusing any of his actions, but I can emphasize with his experiences that cause him to be this way. How his jealousy turns into hatred. I’ve felt all of those things. How one bad experience can change you. It’s just. UUUUUGH.

I don’t know if it’s really an autism thing but I’ve noticed a common theme of me and my nd friends having particular issues with letting go of the past/holding grudges.

Even if he was hypothetically given a second chance, there’d still be that bitter, petty side of him that will always be there because it’s been practically engraved into his head ever since that one moment.

And on the topic of the incident™️, there’s the topic of Johnny. I’m out for blood when I see this asshole. I’ve been in Randall’s exact position of trying to get in with the popular crowd. When Johnny told him to “do the thing” and he giddily obeyed immediately like a puppy desperate to please so they could gawk at him.

He mistook their ‘acceptance’ as friendship. But the only reason why they kept him around was because of his ability, similar how the popular kids will keep around the oblivious autistic kid to use as a punching bag or a jester. They were never laughing with you. They were laughing at you.

MaW is cool and all but I don’t buy that Randall and Johnny were ‘besties’, especially not after the scare games. My personal belief is that Randall left them and secluded himself from people after what happened, never getting over his humiliation and shame, and hatred for Sully. He gets so fixated on proving himself that nothing else matters, and thus he never grows as a person. It may seem far fetched to a normal person, but to me I understand. I get how easy it is to slip into that mindset, to let one bad experience eat away at you and change you, how it makes you withdraw from other people and let yourself get enveloped in your feelings.

I just, idk… I want to see him grow, too. Because I know he’s more than just the hatred and jealousy that’s been building inside of him. He wasn’t always like this, we know that. One experience can ruin you, but it can also save you.

Anyways yeah this boys autistic

[retellingthehobbit]

Retelling The Hobbit Chapter 16: The Song of the Lonely Mountain First chapter / Previous / Next

To view full comic: Webtoon/A03 / Tumblr post with links to all chapters

Other blogs: TikTok/Instagram/Tumblr Sideblog

*crumbles into dust after finishing this* Thank you for reading! This The Hobbit webcomic adaptation thing takes a lot of effort to put together and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate every comment. I also really appreciate the people who’ve spread the word of this comic to their friends! <3

And finally, we’re at the Song of the Lonely Mountain! Within Tolkien’s canon, The Hobbit is an in-universe book that was “written” by Bilbo Baggins, who occasionally lies/embellishes/exaggerates things. The tonal differences between The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are explained by Bilbo and Frodo/Sam being different kinds of storytellers, with different relationships to “the truth.” This idea is the core of how I’m adapting the novel!  Bilbo is an unreliable narrator who is literally ‘drawing’ from his own limited experiences;  the different art styles reflect the different perspectives of other characters.   The “dwarf art style” in this chapter is inspired by stonework/metalwork in general— but especially by a mix of art deco, Celtic art, and European folk art. 

The central tension of the comic is between Bilbo and Thorin, who each have wildly different ideas about what kind of  story they’re in. Thorin is in a grand fantasy epic, while Bilbo is in a lighthearted children’s book adventure.  The tragedy is, obviously, that only one side of the story ever gets to be fully told.

On a sillier note, a few years ago I had my first gay crush on a lesbian who sang while playing the piano. This chapter is dedicated to the piano lesbian. I hope they’re doing well, wherever they are. XD

I think I might need a bit of a break but I’m hoping for the next chapter, titled “Dawn,” to arrive on January 13th. And your comments/support really do help motivate me to get more done! ^_^

[analog-television]

the forecast calls for - an 100% chance of deltarune tomorrow !!!

higher res pic of the duo under cut

[hugs-and-stabbies]

sorry for disappearing lol Happy new year!!

[hexcii]

Another question, what happened to mer Eclipse's eye?

CW: Blood, injury, and death

He bit off more than he could chew

[nocek]

Continuing the theme of Wade being scared and horny opportunist. Also a very important question for a bonus gratuitous panel that will happen because Migs is a man of his (sleepy) word:

[kindofabastard]

"all trans men have to do to pass is-"

I started smoking way too young because I heard another trans guy mention it in a "passing tips" video as something that might make your voice more masculine sounding (it didn't work)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[johnnyshrine]

★ 152 // “Me and the bad bitch I pulled”

[eshithepetty]

"Haha Dream BBQ is so random and incomprehensible" "did they take drugs to make this lol" "you're actually not meant to understand anything in this series it's ok" "Joel G just makes up stuff on the spot based on what would be funny" "it's just random for random's sake" "is this AI" "stop theorising, it's not that deep" SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP

[wardingshout]

I'm also having a lot of fun with this game!!

[npdkondraki]

hi. kondraki scpverse is a trans woman. cope and seethe and read my essay about her below the cut. (it's really fucking long) (please god i put so much fucking work into this read it im begging you)

ok for starters for people who dont know what or who the hell im talking about right now (doubtful) (only adding this for the unitiated & newbies): this essay is about my awesome wife DR [REDACTED] HENRICH KONDRAKI(1) from pseudo-niche internet horror-fiction site THE SCP FOUNDATION(2/3). if you can't tell by our url i am Bonkers Crazy Insane about her and have been sporadically obsessed with her for several years. she sucks bad. anyways this post is about why i think she's a trans woman instead of being a "cishetallo man" like canon claims she is. you may be wondering; "but sawyer how is canon wrong about this if its canon" and to that i say. I know better than canon does dont worry about it. ok with that out of the way lets get into the schmeat of this thang

FIRST OFF. kondraki's entire view on masculinity is inherently tied to violence. she believes that if she isnt violent, cruel, and hiding her emotions constantly, then she isn't a 'real man'. her entire worldview, including her view of her own gender, is perceived through the lens of men, including herself, needing to be 'masculine', but she defines this masculinity through her own warped idea of what masculinity 'really is'. because she perceives men, and by extension masculinity itself, as violence, then she herself is violent. everything down to the way she speaks is designed to make her appear cruel, vindictive, and, most importantly, violent. she goes as far as claiming her favourite memory of working for the foundation is when she chased a man down and, quote, "[shot] his fucking face off"(4). however, despite all her tough-talk about being "badass"(5/6), she actually appears to be incredibly regretful about her actions(7), unlike her words imply.

she creates a cycle of retraumatizing herself over and over by hating everything being a man stands for, but refusing to acknowledge it. she leans into the idea that she is violent and cruel, creating a self-made cycle of self-hatred. this retraumatization makes her more violent; it causes her to lash out more, to be more vindictive, to be more outwardly cruel to people, to be more "man-like" in her eyes. she places herself into a self-made twister of hating herself enough that it rubs off on everyone else, and then positively claims its "[her] design"(8) rather than accepting how depressing it makes her life. she uses her own cruel perception of masculinity as a way to shield herself from the idea that she could ever, willingly, be a woman, because she's too violent and cruel and she'll never be a real woman, not in the same way people like rights & iris are. she fully, completely, and genuinely, believes that if she is able to "out-man" every man surrounding her then nobody is able to question what she thinks of herself.

theres an additional layer to how she views masculinity, in the sense that it makes her also view femininity as inherently docile, something that she lives by even when she is acting as a woman. in doing so she continues to perpetuate her idea that she must be violent to be masculine, because she views women (or, more specifically, the concept of being a woman) as fragile, weak, perceptible to being hurt, and she refuses to be any of these things. in refusing to view herself as a woman she, in her mind, refuses to view herself as emotional, hysterical, and, perhaps worst of all in her mind, just a woman. it's an incredibly unfortunate mix of how she was raised and the culture at her work; she is punished for being feminine (emotional, caring, nurturing, etc) and rewarded for being masculine (violent, cruel, selfish, etc) because that's just how people are in her line of work(9).

she views the entire experience and idea of being a woman as a joke. she's allowed to think about it, as a joke. she's allowed to be feminine, as a joke. she's allowed to be a girl, as a joke. she's allowed to be a pretty princess(10), as a joke. the very few brief moments where she allows herself to act on her impulses and suggest, even a bit, that she would like to be a woman is played for a joke(11/12/13/14/15). she speaks of being a woman as though it is a mystical thing, something she can only hope to achieve, less of a real option and more of a fantasy. she is acceptive of trans people(16), going so far as to say it seems that "it’s quite remarkable how productivity and morale improves once they come out and settle into living as their correct gender. [she imagines] it’s a huge relief, and it shows in everything they do." it's just that she truly doesn't view herself as being worthy of that. her entire life has been spent convincing herself that she isn't worth anything, let alone joy or comfort. she doesn't think she deserves to be allowed to transition. she believes that dr. kondraki needs to die, needs to be shot, needs to get it over with and kill herself already, and doesn't realize that the distance she puts between "[redacted] henrich kondraki" and "dr. kondraki" is a mask, a shell she can hide behind; it's a way for her to excuse any mention of her being a woman. if dr. kondraki can't be a woman, then [redacted] henrich kondraki can't be a woman either. it's nothing but a fantasy to her, something she can joke about and then discard along with the rest of her fantasies of being a good person, of being someone who deserves to be happy.

you can even bring her entire theming of butterflies into her own repression; the butterflies act as a camoflauge in the same way her mask of masculinity does. the only time she ever is truly gentle or nurturing or caring, all tasks she has deemed feminine, is with her butterflies. butterflies are specifically used in metaphors for transition, quite often appearing in trans artwork as a way to represent the death of who you once were and who you are now. the fact the butterflies also possess camoflauging abilities, which they tend to specifically use to make themselves (and kondraki) invisible, is in and of itself a metaphor for being in the closet, or, in kondraki's case, being repressed and refusing to acknowledge her transness. her transness is treated as though it's invisible, something she only looks at when it's disturbed, not unlike the way you can only see the butterflies by disturbing them. she refuses to acknowledge it, hides behind her camoflauge as a defense mechanism. coming to terms with her transness would make her have to disolve and be reborn, and she doesn't believe she deserves that. she doesn't believe she deserves to live free of the guilt, of everything she's done, so instead she stays camoflauged, stays in her bubble of masculinity where she feels her self-imposed shame and guilt.

all in all; kondraki is extremely repressed and refuses to accept that she's a woman, despite her progressive views, because she believes it would mean she is weak and fragile. she's terrified of her femininity, and uses violence and humor to deny every feminine part of herself.

DISCLAIMER. my choice to use specifically she/her for kondraki in this essay was a purposeful and deliberate choice and if you choose to use he/him after i have literally solely referred to her with she/her in this entire post i hate you personally. in other words

[thunderc1an]

Warriors: The Prophecies Begin (Redraw: 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020) 

[momomallowart]

Happy birthday Tomura ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔっ🎉🎂

He is loved more than he knows 💗

Alt version + close-ups 🫶💗

[benevolenterrancy]

May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home

[cleardreamy]

If I could hold you for a minute

Darling, I would do it again

maybe in one timeline they could have hugged it out instead of...yk🥲