#without buffy xander and willow have no reason to ever grow and try and learn. to want to be more. to live up to who they can be

[camellcat]

first xander brought her back with human breath and determination... then willow with supernatural power and love.... smth smth two halves to keep their third in balance from drifting too far into either side and losing herself.....

[glowyjellyfish]

For some reason, despite not having watched the show in roughly seven years according to when I last wrote thoughts about it, I decided last week to start listening to a podcast about Buffy the Vampire Slayer because October. The podcast turned out to be amazing, and despite being thoroughly disillusioned with Joss and worried that would change how I see the show too much, I started watching along with the podcast. Well, really I’m playing catch-up. I just started the Reptile Boy podcast episode, and I just finished The Pack in actually watching. My perception has changed, but mostly in a more mature/woke direction, I’m seeing more problematic stuff and wanting to deconstruct it, but it’s not hampering my love of the characters. I am trying to use death of the author to try to deconstruct and watsonianly explain things, but sometimes it’s better to just go “the writers fucked up” or “yup, that’s a weird and creepy Joss fetish” and let the characters off the hook and be a Doylist.

Here are the thoughts I’ve had so far, which as you can see cheerfully spanned the entire range of the show, because season one doesn’t give me personally a lot to work with.

-Xander is borderline Nice Guy in season one, and I don’t like it. I am enjoying deconstructing him and figuring him out more than I ever did before, though, despite an uneasy feeling that doylistically it started from Joss’ idea of how a average dorky teenage boy would act when surrounded by awesome girls and then reasons for it were added later. It’s really genuinely interesting that Xander’s the heart of the team and has all the feelings about everybody and wears his heart on his sleeve, crushing a lot because of that leaving him vulnerable in addition to hormones, and that growing up in an abusive and neglectful household led to insecurity and overcompensation and poor coping skills. And it’s a really fascinating idea that he despises vampires because he lost one of his best friends to them, and can’t handle the idea of any being capable of redemption or good behavior because he semi-accidentally staked Jesse while trying that concept out and if they can be redeemable then he can’t forgive himself, but of course the show didn’t want to talk about Jesse and preferred to heavily imply if not outright say that Xander’s feelings about vampires were mostly about jealousy over Buffy, which is the most Nice Guy angle they could have possibly chosen. (I... can’t say I totally mind, as Jesse’s behavior was objectively worse than s1 Xander, but still I think it would have been better to not ignore his impact on Xander.) I’m glad Xander more or less gets over his crush after season one and doesn’t wade any further into Nice Guy territory, if I recall correctly, and I’m not claiming it’s unreasonable for him to have had it in the first place, it’s just so much of his behavior regarding it is so uncomfortable, and it could have been handled loads better.

-weirdly, The Pack is the first episode of season one that I found I still thoroughly liked. I did enjoy the show deconstructing/dealing with some of the Xander problems by cranking them up to eleven, and part of it is that I am a sucker for werewolf and werewolf-like stories, and also a sucker for supernatural things happening to the Normal Harmless People in media, but I honestly think a big part of it is how little the episode uses terrible s1 special effects to play the story out. It’s all in the acting, and there was some really convincing and good acting going on.

-I discovered that the last time I watched seven years ago, I concluded that despite his general attitude, Angel genuinely likes being around fun and lighthearted people. I want to bask in that concept for a moment before I turn it around to an earlier point, and say that if Xander wasn’t constantly openly hostile to Angel, they could very well be bros, and I am bummed the show never tried. I mean, jealousy or not, Xander’s vampire issues should still be a problem. But I like the idea of Angel just silently enjoying Xander’s dumb jokes and his naivety, and logically Angel would also super appreciate Xander being adamant about killing him when he’s gone evil. In fact, even if they never became bro’s in canon, I’m going to declare it headcanon that Angel quite liked Xander as a person, and just did not take kindly to constant jabs at his nature. Although, honestly, Angel probably would be a little jealous of Xander regardless for being the most emphatically human person around, (especially considering what a disaster Angel was when he was Liam? He wouldn’t see Xander and think “what a foolish child”, he’d think “is this what I could have been if I was alive now? if I had a couple good people in my life to protect me and help me grow into a better person?”), and wouldn’t really enjoy Xander constantly reminding him that Xander is human and Angel is not. So here’s the revised headcanon: Angel likes Xander as a person, and would quietly consider him a friend if Xander wasn’t openly hostile to him. Angel does not super enjoy spending time with Xander since it means constant needling and reminders that Xander has what Angel never got, but he does appreciate that Xander never lets his guard down and by extension reminds Angel not to let his guard down, either. I will have to see if that holds up as I rewatch; I am still mired in season 1 and I haven’t gotten up to them even sharing a scene yet.

-I have been thinking a little about the escalation of Willow’s heartbrokenness over the course of the series, and… I know there’s a good topic there but it just makes me sad to think about.

-on willow: I think she’s bi and the show/joss is just bi-phobic. Watsonianly, she just never had a full education in the nuances of sexual orientation, and emphasized her gayness to reassure Tara and to embrace a label to define herself. However, while I think she’s bi, I would describe her as having more attraction to women than men, and might even argue that all her attraction to men is demisexual—Xander’s obvious, and Oz did all the pursuing and showed all the interest early on. I think Willow was excited to be desired and to achieve the milestone of not only “boyfriend” but “cool boyfriend in a band” that helped distance herself from nerdiness, and it took a little while for that to build up to attraction and love. Not super long, but long enough for her to doubt her attraction when thinking about it in hindsight.

-speaking of Oz I have so many Oz thoughts. Oz, I love you, but where did you get the idea that you need to solve all your problems yourself and not talk to anybody about it? Stoicism is cool and all but use your words, Oz. You would solve so many of your problems if you learned how to communicate! WHO TAUGHT YOU TO BEHAVE THIS WAY. I haven’t gotten up to him yet but my fandom brain’s already there, he’s my favorite and I can’t wait to try applying this perception to him in action.

-I would love to peek into the alternate universe where Oz didn’t leave. Hell, I want to know what would have happened both if everything else was basically the same but Oz was still around as a main character (say, he wanted some distance to work on control but didn’t leave town; Willow was very upset about it but perhaps not to the same degree, and still met Tara while looking for a way to train/practice magic and developed feelings for her; New Moon Rising happened similarly but Oz doesn’t leave town at the end; alternately he did leave but just for the first stretch of episodes and he stays after NMR), and also in the different scenario where because Oz isn’t leaving, Xander is picked to be The Gay One. I mean, he’d have to be bi, too, and my mind honestly boggles at the hurdles the show might have had to leap to make it plausible, but I would like to see it. What kind of boyfriend would the show have given Xander, and why am I thinking of Schitt’s Creek when I wonder what a gay romance for Xander would look like?

...but I’m reeeeally getting ahead of myself now. I did not expect to have so many of my thoughts be about a. the dudes and b. Xander, but what can you do? Soon I’ll have material to talk about, for example, how amazing Cordelia is, but for now...

(and yes, I have been pinging from one fandom to the next in order to find The Right One, and doing one or two thought-dumps before I find myself moving on to a different one without finishing the first. I do not control the hyperfixation. I might go back and forth when the newest one loses its shine, but I am really enjoying the concept of revisiting Buffy for October, and might proceed to do the same with Teen Wolf when I’m done if only for a fascinated comparison between the two and what inspired what and what was improved upon or done worse. Might. Hyperfixation, remember.)

[mysterylover123]

My Top 10 Christmas Episodes

mysterylover123

Everyone has a favorite Christmas Episode. That time of year from your favorite shows where the characters celebrate the holidays along with you, usually accompanied by big changes in their lives, gaudy decorations, and creative traditions. I’ve included my top 10 here, along with some honorable mentions. I’ve excluded Christmases I liked from book/film/comic book series, thought I think in 2 years time there will be a grand new edition to the list (aka My Hero Academia). Hope you all like them and have a Merry Christmas! 

#10. Futurama “Xmas Story” Airdate: 12/19/1999

I don’t broadcast it much, but I love classic Futurama. This little gem of a Christmas episode - sorry, X-mas episode - is a common staple of “Best Christmas Episode” lists, and for good reason. It’s one of those “dark” Christmas stories, featuring a murderous Santa Claus robot, Fry dealing with being 1000 years in the future where his old traditions have died, and some good bonding moments among the cast of Planet Express. I particularly like the “gift of the Magi” joke with Amy and Hermes, and the Harold Lloyd reference with Fry on the clock tower.  

#9. X-Men Evolution “On Angel’s Wings” Airdate: 12/15/2001

X-Men Evolution is a nostalgic favorite of mine - my introduction to the X-men in high school, the first show I ever read fanfiction for, etc. It’s Christmas episode has a very warm feeling to it, a rare dip into sentimentality for the show. It deals with Scott and Rogue going to recruit Angel for the X-Men while the others are home for the holidays, and clashing with Magneto in their attempts to do so. I’m always down for an episode focused on Rogue, and her bond with Scott over being the X-Men without families to go home to is great. The little montage that ends the episode always puts a smile on my face.

#8. The Simpsons “Holidays of Future Passed”  Airdate: 12/11/2011

I heard this one was thought of as a potential series finale for The Simpsons, as a bit of closure for their premiere (another christmas Episode, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open fire”, which I like but find a little too ‘early Simpsons’ to make the list.). Honestly, I wish it had been. Modern Simpsons is generally such a mess, it would’ve been nice to see it get such a dignified end in Season 23. This one is a great little trip to the future of the family, and it really feels like a nice vision of what could become of them somewhere down the line. I like that this one gives Homer a chance to be a good grandad, and a bonding moment between Lisa and Bart. I hope this is where they really do end up.

#7. Frasier “Frasier Grinch” Airdate: 12/19/1995

Frasier is the only show that ended up landing 2 Christmas episodes in my Top 10. And I felt I still had to cut a few of them that could’ve made the list easily. This series really had a knack for the Christmas episode. My 2nd favorite, obviously, is this little offering from Season 3, which deals with Frasier trying to get Freddy gifts in time for the holiday when the ones he ordered got misdirected. It ends up touching on an aspect of the holidays I wish would get covered a little more often: when you buy others Christmas gifts, are you getting them what they actually want, or just what you think they should want? Overbearing Frasier has made this blunder, and the episode helps him learn that lesson. Though as usual Niles steals the show. Niles in a toy store trying out a doofy hat is more than worth the #7 spot.

#6. Friends “The One with the Christmas in Tulsa” Airdate: 12/12/2002

Friends has a lot of Christmastime episodes, but most of them are just kinda coincidentally set around the holidays. Only a few stand out as actual “Christmas Episodes”. While I enjoy “Holiday Armadillo”’s comedy and “Creepy Holiday card”’s sentimentality, my standout favorite is this one, the last Christmas episode they did, perhaps because Chandler and Monica are my favorites on the show and their romance is the OTP. This one deals with Chandler away from home, working on Christmas at a job he hates and being separated from Monica. Through some clips and a bit of soul searching, he decides to finally quit the job he hates and pursue something he wants to do. It’s a great example of how to do a clip show/Christmas episode well, move characters forward, and remind us of why we love these two together.

#5. Buffy “Amends” Airdate: 12/15/1998

This one would probably be higher if there wasn’t so much Bangel melodrama in the last 10 minutes (sorry fans, I really hate Bangel). But the rest of it is more than good enough to put Buffy’s sole Christmas episode at #5 for me. What I love the most about this one is, well, the ‘amends’ of the title. Xander starts making up for 3 seasons of douchebaggery by being a good friend. Willow makes up with Oz. Buffy makes up with Faith. That latter one puts the biggest smile on my face of the bunch; it’s bittersweet, given what happens, but when Faith shows up on Buffy’s doorstep with presents for her and Joyce, my small Grinch heart grows three sizes each time. Definitely a must-watch.

#4. Parks and Recreation “Christmas Scandal” Airdate: 12/10/2009

Parks and Rec has 3 Christmas episodes and they’re all pretty good. I debated between this one and “Ron and Diane”, but since that one is more about Ron’s award ceremony, I decided to go with Season 2′s. This one is a very “Parks and Rec” kinda Christmas, dealing with Leslie getting involved in a dumb sex scandal, the Parks department putting on a “Winter wonderland” on Lot 48, some dating drama about Ann and Leslie and their boyfriends (At this point, since Ben and Chris weren’t around yet, Mark and Dave), and a very cute hug between a pre-marriage April and Andy. The biggest win in this one is the sheer Christmas atmosphere. It practically glows off the screen.

#3. How I Met Your Mother “False Positive” Airdate: 12/13/2010

HIMYM is another one with a lot of candidates, but “False Positive” really stands out to me as something special. It’s essentially an “It’s a wonderful life”-style story (as they’re going to see the movie) where Lily’s false positive pregnancy test inspires the friend group to each choose the more responsible path in life of their two choices, only to chicken out when the false part of the title is revealed. The way the episode ends is absolutely spectacular, a standout moment to me among the series’ many strong character moments, and leads to strong development for all around going forward. Definitely a highlight of HIMYM’s 6th season, and an episode full of  Christmas imagery, soul-searching, and classic plotlines.

#2. Frasier “The Fight Before Christmas” Airdate: 12/16/1999

My favorite Frasier Christmas episode feels like it combines a little bit of everything that makes the other ones good: a KACL office Christmas party with a whacky theme (we finally see it instead of having it going on in the background!), Frasier being pompous about Christmas celebrations and ending up karmically punished for it, a comedic scenario which crafts a comedy of errors, Martin’s decorating. In many ways though, the highlight of this one is how deftly it handles the romance reveal from the previous episode between Niles and Daphne. in the midst of all the crappy Christmas rom coms, it’s easy to forget how strong a good Christmas set romance can be, and the moment of tension as Daphne tries to reject Niles but just can’t quite do it is a standout for me. Definitely my favorite of Frasier’s 8 xmas episodes.

Hon. Mentions: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire, Batman Christmas with the Joker and Holiday Knights, Frasier Perspectives on Christmas, Parks and Rec Ron and Diane, HIMYM How Lily Stole Christmas.

#1. Smallville “Lexmas” Airdate: 12/8/2005

This one isn’t just a Christmas episode. It’s pretty much the Ultimate Christmas episode. Where to begin? A fancy Christmas party jam-packed with colorful decor. Superman - Clark - delivering presents as Santa for the Daily Planet. Clark talking/saving a depressed mall Santa (or is he real?) from committing suicide with an emotional heart to heart. Sweet family Christmas  celebrations (right before tragedy strike in the next episode). But of course, the real highlight of this one is Lex’s Alternate Reality fantasy. After getting shot, the titular Luthor has a vision of what his life could be like if he did the right thing, essentially an “It’s a Wonderful Life” style alternate reality. However, that reality ends in tragedy, and the tragic twist of the episode is that instead of leading the Grinch’s heart to grow, the Christmas dream only serves to help solidify Luthor’s fall to the dark side. It is certainly juxtaposed with enough holiday magic and hope to offset that depressing ending, but I will admit to liking a bit of subversion in my stories now and then. Everything Christmas episodes could have is jam-packed into this episode. 

[51kas81]

Why Spike ruined “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

(I know it's a pretty old article but I didn't know it yet and I have to say I agree in many points. If you are a Spike fan and can not stand criticism then please do not read.)

Like Fonzie before him, this too-cool thug in a leather jacket has diverted a good show from its original mission: To celebrate the uncool outcasts of the world.

Jaime J. Weinman

May 13, 2003 7:00pm (UTC)

A once-good show becomes a bad one through the unexpected popularity of a posturing, vaguely thuggish minor character in a black leather jacket. In television, as in life, events tend to repeat themselves. First there was "Happy Days," where a charming show about growing up in the '50s was revamped to focus on the Fonz. And now there's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," which has been all but destroyed by the Fonzie of our time: Spike. 

As "Buffy" comes to an end, its fans are debating where to place the blame for the mediocrity of this season. Was it the introduction of a team of Slayers in Training, all of them so annoying that fans were happy to see some of them get killed? Was it the overemphasis on irrelevant new characters like Kennedy and Principal Wood? Was it the decision to build the season around a villain (the First Evil) who can't touch anything or do anything at all except talk and talk and talk? Well, that's part of it.

But the problems with this season can be traced to a moment at the very end of the last good episode, "Conversations With Dead People." That's the moment when Buffy found out that Spike, blond vampire, attempted rapist, and current possessor of a soul, had somehow been killing people despite his souled status. From that point on, the show has no longer been about Buffy and her friends, or Buffy and her mission, or anything that used to be interesting on this show. It's been about Buffy and Spike. And that's about all.

Look at the record. The next two episodes after "Conversations With Dead People" involved Buffy trying to find out why Spike was killing again, following which she spent two more episodes focusing her attention on freeing Spike from a dungeon. Since then, we've discovered that a new character (Principal Wood) has a vendetta against Spike, seen an entire episode devoted to filling out Spike's back story, and sat through various other plot threads about Spike. Even when Spike isn't on-screen, characters are talking about him.

Meanwhile, the characters who used to matter on this show -- Willow, Xander and Giles, who with Buffy formed what is called the "core four" -- are getting nothing storywise; Willow gets a token lesbian relationship, Xander gets his eye poked out, and Giles gets to look like a bad guy for wanting to kill Spike (which, on the contrary, made some of us love Giles even more). In the words of "Sep," who recaps "Buffy" episodes for the famously snarky Web site Television Without Pity, "Watching episode after episode about Spike's journey when Giles has become a prick and I don't know a goddamn thing about what Willow or Xander are thinking, or even who they are anymore, and will likely never find out, breaks my heart."

It would be less of a problem if Spike were getting brilliantly fascinating stories, but he isn't, despite the potential inherent in the story of an evil creature trying to reform. At every turn, the "Buffy" staff has copped out on Spike's story, whitewashing his past (a flashback in a recent episode shows that even when he was turned into a vampire, he wasn't initially a vicious killer -- something that contradicts all the previous vampire mythology on the show) and making no attempt to show that having a soul has changed him one way or the other. By the evidence of this season's episodes, Spike is still a wisecracking punk who likes to hit women (he's hit Buffy, Anya and Faith so far this year) and isolate Buffy from her friends, yet we're still somehow supposed to sympathize with him, because ... why? Because he got a soul in the hope that Buffy would forgive his attempt to rape her and sleep with him again. Except for a couple of throwaway lines, Spike has never been made to seek redemption for his crimes; he doesn't even apologize to Principal Wood for having murdered his mother. The assumption appears to be that Spike doesn't need to atone because having a soul makes him a different and better person. But the writers haven't shown us that; all they've shown us is the same Fonzie figure from Seasons 5 and 6, only without the viciousness that made him moderately interesting.

And when they write a decent Spike scene, it gets cut. The second episode of this season, "Beneath You," was originally supposed to end with a scene where Spike expresses guilt for his past crimes, admits that he got a soul for selfish reasons (he thought Buffy would love him if he had a soul), and arrives at the realization that having a soul hasn't made him good enough for Buffy ("God hates me. You hate me. I hate myself more than ever"). But creator Joss Whedon rewrote this scene so that Spike talked mostly about the fact that Buffy "used" him for sex -- just another attempt to create unearned sympathy for Spike and deemphasize his past role as a killer and sexual predator. And James Marsters, a good actor who has shown himself capable of the kind of underplaying this show used to thrive on, made matters worse by playing this scene as an over-the-top fit of lurching and moaning, like one of William Shatner's lesser method moments on "Star Trek." (The gratuitous shirtlessness just adds to the comparison.) Any interesting stories about a vampire with a soul have already been told on "Buffy" and "Angel"; with Spike, all we've been getting is a lot of half-naked posturing.

But it's not just the overemphasis on Spike that's the problem; it's the way this emphasis has betrayed one of the most appealing themes of the show: that it's OK to be uncool. "Buffy" began with a high school girl, formerly cool and popular, who discovers that she has a destiny that will prevent her from ever having a "normal" life. But she finds some comfort when she befriends people at the school who are social outcasts for other reasons: Willow, a shy computer geek; the loyal but socially awkward Xander; and Giles, head of a school library that none of the other students ever seem to visit. The bond between these four characters was the heart of the show for the first four seasons, more than anything else, even romance (there were many episodes where Buffy's love interest, Angel, didn't appear or was relegated to one or two token scenes). Every week, these characters proved what we'd all like to believe when we're outcasts in high school: that the uncool kids, the ones no one takes seriously, are really the coolest and most heroic of all.

To make this clear, the monsters on the show were often portrayed as the twisted embodiment of high school coolness. In the pilot, Xander's friend Jesse goes from "an excruciating loser" to an effortlessly cool bad boy after he is turned into a vampire. Another episode, "Reptile Boy," made frat boys the villains. And Spike, when introduced in Season 2, was exactly the kind of smartass punk who makes high school a miserable place for geeks: Arrogant, cocky and contemptuous of anyone who wasn't equally cool, he was a superficial, self-confident Fonzie type who deserved to get smacked down by our awkward heroes.

With the transformation of Spike into a lovable antihero, "Buffy" has stopped celebrating the uncool outcasts; instead, it celebrates the cool punk, the guy who would push the first-season Willow or Xander out of the way in the school halls. And it's not just Spike. Willow's new love interest, Kennedy, is a confident loudmouth with a privileged upbringing, who obnoxiously admires Willow not for her intelligence but for her power. Spike's nemesis, Principal Wood, is described in one of the scripts as "The Coolest Principal Ever." And Andrew, the show's answer to "The Simpsons'" Comic Book Guy, is constantly mocked for his geekiness, because a show that was once on the side of geeks now portrays them as buffoons or villains. And whereas the early seasons usually showed the characters learning how to defeat monsters by researching them in Giles' books, they now find everything they need on the Internet -- a far cry from Giles' wonderful first-season speech about the superiority of books over computers. It seems that on a show where an unrepentant mass murdering monster can be a hero, there's no more room for a celebration of the power of book learning, or the nobility of uncool people.

Which brings us back to "Happy Days," and the Fonz. Just as "Happy Days" went on for years with Fonzie even after Ron Howard left the show, there are rumors that the character of Spike may go on after the end of "Buffy" -- perhaps moving to "Angel," or perhaps to a spinoff. The character is popular; cool characters often are. But "Happy Days" was a better show in the first two years, when it was just about the uncool Richie Cunningham. And "Buffy" was a better show in the first four years, before Spike fell in love with Buffy, before Spike started taking his shirt off in every episode, and when the focus was on four uncool people and their quest to rid the world of ... well, of characters like Spike.

Jaime J. Weinman

[spuffyverseonthecomics]

BtVS S7 (Rewatch) - Get It Done

What I want is the Spike that's dangerous. The Spike that tried to kill me when we met.  -Buffy

Great episode. Anya and Spike together are really gold! Spike shamefully runs from a fight... he really needs a wake up call. Buffy starts this episode in a very good mood, but that's gonna change soon enough... The emergency kit should have been passed from Slayer to Slayer, and propably Giles didn't know about it - maybe it’s the reason he was missing in this episode to avoid him having to address the issue. Andrew and his big board! Willow with her arms full of weapons trying to cover their secret operations... The confrontation between the wimpire and the cool and sexy vampire fighting guy in the basement - and Buffy just watching: is she thinking “could there be oil of some kind involved”? We learn in this episode that having a soul is something private and that what Spike does best is being thrown through the ceiling - shut your mouth bad Kennedy!

On a serious note: Kennedy gets too excited when she is training the Potentials, and impersonates one of those rude army drill sergeants who she probably only knows from the movies (like me, American movies basically). Being just an inexperienced girl thrown in a very real war that is about to begin, she gets carried away and ends up committing the big mistake of calling one of the Potentials - Chloe - a “maggot”. I always thought that those sergeants were really cruel with the recruits they were training for the sake of it, but I have to say now that if a future soldier can’t take that abusive shit that is yelled at him/her, he/she can’t be at war, at all: the horrors they’ll have to see and participate like, in Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam etc, are way more horrific than a bunch of bad words shout at them. Polemic, I know... But things have been changing, of course.

How Mean Are Drill Sergeants?

Sir! Not that mean, sir!

By Juliet Lapidos

Teresa L. King took command of the Army's drill sergeant school on Tuesday—the first woman ever to do so. The New York Times article on King notes that she's "ever vigilant for busted rules"—which seems in keeping with the fear-inspiring, speak-up-you-maggot taskmasters of the popular imagination, such as Gunnery Sgt. Hartman in Full Metal Jacket, who gently explains to his recruits, "You are pukes. You're the lowest form of life on earth." Are drill sergeants really that mean?

Not anymore. Drill sergeants of yesteryear did take a rough, discipline-and-punishment approach to preparing new Army recruits for combat. The disciplinarian tack seemed to make sense up through the Vietnam War, at least, because drafted soldiers were sometimes unwilling to get into line. But the drill sergeants of today are gentler. In the period after 9/11, the Army was losing about 10 percent of its volunteer recruits during boot camp, a number that was way too high, especially given the Army's trouble meeting recruitment quotas and the growing demand for troops first in Afghanistan, then in Iraq. To help keep people in basic training, drill sergeants reined in the verbal abuse and began providing more mentorship. (This wasn't a precipitous change. Drill sergeants have been mellowing out for the last 15 years or so.)

That's not to say that instructors have gone soft. Drill sergeants still shout to enforce discipline, and they may force young soldiers to do push-ups—but they're not supposed to hurl personal insults. (They'd never call them "pukes," for example.) If a recruit asks why he has to run through an obstacle course, the drill sergeant isn't supposed to punish him immediately with an extra run. Instead, the sergeant should explain the Army's rationale for the exercise. Modern drill sergeants also engage in a good deal of counseling. If a recruit is acting petulant, the drill sergeant may ask him what's wrong—or ask his friends. He'll give tips for how to get along with peers in close quarters, how to get by on an Army paycheck, and how to handle homesickness.

Whatever her method, a drill sergeant is charged with getting new recruits into shape. In Army lingo, while "on the trail" (at training camp), a drill sergeant makes sure her soldiers are "squared away" (physically fit with a neat uniform), "on point" (in complete control of themselves and the situation), and "hoppin' and poppin' " (moving quickly and with purpose). More specifically, she teaches them how to march in step, use their M16A2 rifles and throw grenades, speak up, stand at attention, obey orders, and treat fellow soldiers respectfully.   Source

And things go sour: Chloe is found dead and Buffy has something to say about that. She is their leader, she is the General and they are at war - her words are harsh and cruel but they are necessary: weak people don't survive a war, they are dead even before it begins, and Buffy makes it clear. People get mad, and Spike The Wimpire thinks that he doesn't have anything to hear from Buffy... boy, how wrong he is. Buffy has noticed that Spike is holding back (we saw that earlier, when Spike avoided fighting the demon and used Anya’s safety as an excuse to run), and she knows exactly how to push his buttons.

The cast shadow thingy is very cool and there it goes Buffy through the portal - and as soon as she is gone everyone is worried about what they will do without the Slayer: ANYA: We've got bigger problems than that. PRINCIPAL WOOD: Yeah, demon loose; no Slayer. WILLOW: We need Buffy. XANDER: You gotta get her back. I love Buffy's trip, the Shadow Men, the origins of the First Slayer, her choice, and the vision they give her. Willow scares the hell out of Kennedy, but this is understable, Will is scary when she is in her dark eyes mode, and Kennedy - althoug being brave, there are forces she doesn't understand yet. And Spike gets his coat (how EVIL of him! - that’s sarcasm, by the way) - and his mojo back. How it happened to be in the basement is a mystery, since it was last seen at Buffy's house...

BtVS 7x15

[lilbreck]

Title: Chapter 3: The Deals We Make, pt 1 Characters: Anya Jenkins, Buffybot, Rupert Giles, Spike, Tara Mcclay, Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris Rating/Warning: FRT Word Count: 3,735 A/N: Though I list a lot of characters, and some of them actually do get dialog, some of them just pass through.

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Shock raced through Spike. How long had they been planning this? He had thought they were growing close – or at least that he and Willow were. Apparently, he had been wrong. He expected to feel anger. All he could feel, though, was hurt and betrayed. Part of him wanted to turn around, leave, and pretend he had never overheard the conversation. However, the part of him that had watched Willow's back for these past few months came forward. Her friends weren't in the right place to make her stop and think, so he had to.

"No. Giles and Spike can't know. They might not understand." He could hear nothing but conviction and determination in her voice. He only hoped it was all a front and he could get her to slow down and rethink things, maybe get her to explain what was going on in her pretty little head.

He took a deep breath – quickly shook off the random flash of Willow's voice from a few nights after they had started patrolling together questioning why he bothered with the deep breathing – opened the door and stepped into the room just in time to hear Willow start to break.

"Her body, yeah. But her soul – her essence, I mean, that could be somewhere else. She could be trapped, in-in some sort of hell dimension like Angel was – suffering eternal torment just because she saved us, and I'm not gonna let... I'm not gonna leave her there. It's Buffy."

This was it. He needed to step in, calmly and rationally, before her tearful speech convinced her pals to go ahead with this insane idea. He had to. For Willow. After pulling the Buffybot into the room and pointing her to the couch, he leaned against the door jamb like he hadn't just overheard them planning something completely unnatural, dangerous, and foolish. He had to choose his words carefully.

"I'll grant you, she could be in a hell dimension. It happens sometimes," he was not too brainwashed by his time with the white hat brigade to go without a small smirk when Xander and Tara startled at the sound of his voice, but his gaze remained on Willow "and sometimes it doesn't."

When she didn't speak, didn't even turn to him, he skirted the kitchen table. He would have to take his time and be gentle; yelling or talking down to her would only get her dander up. He could do gentle; the question was if she would let him or not.

Spike circled around her until she had to either face him or deliberately turn away. Thankfully, she chose to remain as she was. He decided to go one step further and, placing his hands on either side of her head, raised her face until she was forced to look him in the eyes. He briefly closed his eyes and prayed he could find the right words. Now would be a convenient time to develop some decent poetic ability, not that he had much hope of that.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't worry that she's trapped somewhere suffering. You're a smart girl to worry. And I'm not saying you should pretend it's not possible. I just think you need to be sure that she's not somewhere better than here before you go trying to bring her back."

As he moved to rest his forehead against hers, he was suddenly hit with why she was so determined to go through with this that she hadn't even thought to see where Buffy had ended up. She had gone from being the sidekick and occasional Big Gun to being the one everyone turned to. The person everyone expected to have the answers and the plans and know exactly what to do. His Red was tired.

Spike took a deep breath and, in a soft voice, continued, "I know you're hurtin', Red. We all are. And I know we put so much weight on your shoulders, more than we should most of the time. I'm just asking that you make sure you're doing the right thing before you do something you can't take back."

He shifted his hold on the sides of her head – one hand unconsciously petting her hair as he did – and continued in a whisper, "And if she's better off where she is, we'll find some other way to make this right for you. I promise I will move heaven and earth to find a way."

In the silence that followed, he could practically feel Xander's desperate belief that Spike would pull a miracle out of thin air. He must have been desperate for someone other than him to stop Willow's plan if he didn't make a fuss at a vampire being so up close and personal with one of ‘his girls'. Spike was racking his brain for just such a miracle when Willow lifted her hands to rest gently on his wrists. The look on her face was grim and tired, and he half expected her to keep fighting him. Instead, he and Xander got their miracle.

"We'll wait until we can be sure. We'll all look for a way to find out where she is before we do anything else. And if she's better off… we'll figure out what to do."

Spike was too focused on the witch in front of him to pay attention to anyone else. That was why he missed the anger that flashed across Tara's face and didn't notice how, when he stepped back, the arms she wrapped around Willow were more than a touch possessive. If he had seen it, though, it wouldn't have mattered to him; he had got Willow to wait and that gave him hope he could stop her going down a path that could destroy her.

Last time he'd gone to this much trouble for someone else, he'd been a fool in love. What was his excuse now? Here he was going against the very nature of a vampire to prevent someone he… to prevent a friend from doing something potentially stupid. Was this what being a do-gooder was like all the soddin' time?

The meeting quickly lost steam after that and Anya less than tactfully kicked them all out. Spike, Willow, and Tara's trip back to the Summers' home was spent quietly talking about possible spells while they walked behind the bot and course corrected whenever it tried to go off in the wrong direction. They quickly figured out that they couldn't mention who they were looking for because it seemed to get Buffybot stuck on a logic loop and she refused to move while trying to work out what they were talking about.

Willow was so focused on trying to keep Buffybot walking in a relatively straight path that she missed the tension between Spike and Tara as she tried to subtly exclude him from research plans and he none too subtly included himself back in. Of course, the argument ended when Buffybot's glitch caused her to start spouting some of her original colorful programming again.

While Willow didn't seem phased, Spike didn't miss the almost triumphant look on Tara's face that went so smashingly with the surge of self-disgust rising in his gut. After making sure they made it safely to the house, he made his excuses and left.

The next morning found Buffybot training with Giles in the backroom of the Magic Box. Of course, that only lasted until Anya got bored and intruded on the session. Her blunt words reminded Giles that he wasn't training a slayer and he quickly lost any motivation to continue.

In answer to the bot's ever cheerful voice asking if he would like to test her again, he could only muster a half-hearted "No. Perhaps we should call it a day. Your, uh, your responses are fine."

He turned too quickly to notice the earnest expression that came across her face. However, he was brought up short by her next words.

"I can't call it a day. Willow told me that I had to stay here until she came to pick me up. She, Tara, Xander, and Spike are busy at my house. I told her I could help her look for the spell they wanted, but she used her resolve face."

A sense of unease took root in his stomach as he asked, "What spell are they looking for?"

The bot's smile was vacant and placid as it she told him, "It's a location spell. They want to find out if Buffy went to a hell dimension when she died."

Hurt lanced through him; both at the mention of his slayer and at the thought that they felt it necessary to exclude him. That hurt stayed with him as he mumbled some instruction to the bot and quickly left out through the back door to avoid being seen by Anya. It lasted until just after he started his car and he realized why they would have excluded him. It then quickly turned to an anger which stayed with him for the rest of the trip.

When he arrived at the Summers' house, he didn't bother with knocking. It was obvious that Spike had warned them he was coming up the walk by the fact that they were clearly in the middle of trying to hide their research.

"Don't bother cleaning up on my account."

While both Tara and Xander sat down with guilty expressions, Spike simply leaned back into his chair with a bored eye roll. Giles's eyes went to Willow who straightened up with an expression that was both defiant and defensive. When she made no move to try and explain herself, he broke the silence himself.

"Imagine my complete shock when I learned, from a robot of all things, what you lot were up to! At first I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why you would hide it from me. And then it dawned on me. You knew I wouldn't approve of your plan of action for if she's in a hell dimension."

Willow took a deep breath and smiled at him in what he could only assume was meant to be placating.

"There's no need to think about that one way or another until we find out where she is."

Her obvious disregard for reason infuriated him.

"Have you even put one moment of thought into how reckless and foolhardy this is? I will not stand by and let some arrogant amateur go against the very laws of nature!"

Almost immediately he felt the air in the room get heavier. Giles could feel a knot of dread form in his stomach. Spike was suddenly at Willow's side, hand over her arm as if to sooth her. Willow's face, however, didn't show any of the rage Giles could feel practically throbbing in the air. Her expression was cold as she spoke.

"If I find out that Buffy is in a hell dimension, I will get her out. And I will not be asking for anyone's permission."

Almost immediately the room seemed to lighten as Willow's expression turned pleading. "Giles, I don't want to fight. Let's not. We'll just focus on finding out where Buffy is. Okay?"

Feeling out of his depth, he could only nod. Had Willow become unstable and he somehow missed it? How had she gotten to this point? He was drawn out of his confusion by Spike's voice, obviously not believing silence would keep Willow calm.

"Old Rupes is just in shock, Red. How about I take him into the kitchen and have tea and a heart to heart with him. Brit to Brit?"

The look Willow turned on Spike was full of hope and relief as she quietly agreed. With a quick gesture of his head, he left the room and Giles followed without a word. However, Spike didn't stop in the kitchen; opting instead to head out to the porch where he obviously expected Giles to follow. The door had no sooner closed behind him than Spike was up in his face.

"Rule number one, Watcher, we do not piss off Willow. She is a mighty powerful witch who is buried under responsibility and grief. If she snaps, we're all buggered. When I found out about their little plan, she had already skipped straight to resurrection and her little witch and her friends had rolled right over and were ready to follow her every command. This finding out where the slayer is? This is my compromise.

"If we find out that Buffy is in hell, short of killing her, I doubt there's anything that anyone can do to stop her from getting her friend back."

Spike got impossibly closer and his voice dropped as he finished. "And I don't care how much it fries my brain, I won't be letting you or anyone else touch her."

Having said his peace, Spike went back into the house and began preparing tea. Giles had the sudden urge to find a quiet place to pray to whatever deity would listen that Buffy was in heaven because God help the world if she wasn't.

He quickly dismissed the idea of being able to stop Willow; he couldn't do it himself and even if he was willing to call in for help, the council would take too long to get a man here and there would be no telling if Willow would know they were coming. The only thing he could do was stick with them and try to ensure everything went as safe and smoothly as it could while perverting the laws of nature.

To that end, Giles entered the house and walked past where Spike was lounging against the kitchen counter. Making his way toward the door, he took a deep breath and turned back to where Willow was watching him with confusion.

"I believe I know just the spell we can use. I'll run by the Magic Box and grab the book so you can look it over."

Willow seemed relieved at his words and he did his best to return the smile she gave him before he left.

As Giles was making his way to the shop and returning with the book in question, a few hours ride out of Sunnydale the vampire that had escaped Spike and the Buffybot the night before was in a bar spilling his guts to a demon biker gang. It didn't take long for them to decide that the Hellmouth was ripe for the picking.

Oblivious to the incoming danger, Giles, Willow, and Tara went over the supplies they'd need for the spell while Spike listened from the kitchen and Xander left to go spend time with Anya and update her on the situation.

That night Willow sent Buffybot off to patrol. Of course, she couldn't see a way around telling her where everyone was headed, just in case the bot should malfunction again. As she stared up at the tower where Buffy had jumped to her death, Willow began to think on the possibilities. If they had to bring Buffy back, would that somehow also bring Dawn back?

Spike's voice, a hushed whisper at her side, brought her back to the present. "Everything's set up, pet. It's on you now."

She had no sooner looked at Spike and caught a brief glimpse of understanding and sympathy in his eyes, then Tara was on her other side gently pulling on her hand.

"Are you sure you want to do this so soon? We can always wait until you're ready."

Willow tamped down her anger; Tara was only trying to help and be considerate. Regardless of how it came across, she didn't mean to question Willow's abilities. She mustered up a smile she hoped came across as grateful and said, "I'm ready now."

"Well then, we're ready on our end." Giles voice was a welcome reprieve from the further questions she could see Tara was ready to ply her with. When she walked up to him, he gripped her shoulders lightly. There was comfort and reassurance in the gesture, neither of which she realized she needed so badly.

"This will take a great deal of concentration given the vast number of dimensions Buffy could be in. Calling on the first slayer should narrow down the possibilities, but I need you to focus solely on the task at hand. The rest of us will make sure nothing happens out here, you concentrate on the spell."

Giving a firm nod of her head, Willow said, "I'll keep my head in the game, coach."

Giles didn't smile, only shifted his hands until he held her face between them.

"Remember what you're looking for and why you're looking for it. Do not get lost. No matter what you see or what you are promised, remember that this… Remember that we are your home. Come back to us, Willow."

Her vision blurry with tears and a lump forming in her throat, Willow lifted her hands to his wrists and gave a reassuring squeeze and promised him she would in a barely audible voice. Walking toward the circle they had created, she accepted the hug from Xander and the oddly reassuring bright grin and thumbs up from Anya.

As Willow entered the necessary trance to track down Buffy's spirit, Buffybot was not far from them on patrol. It had been an uneventful night until she caught sight of a large group of demons vandalizing a storefront. Knowing it could simply be a case of a well-meaning demon not understanding the finer aspects of personal property, she informed him that the DVD player that he had just picked up wasn't his and he needed to put it back. She kept her voice firm and authoritative so he would know that it was not a suggestion.

He replied with a screech that seemed to be designed to call the attention of the other demons to her. Soon, she was surrounded by the group. The largest of them, most probably the leader, spoke to her. Banter was part of her programing and so she attempted to implement it. However, he quickly injured her, requiring her to locate Willow so she could be repaired. Hopefully her friend would understand why she had to intrude upon their evening and would be able to repair her soon enough to deal with the pack of demons that followed in her wake.

It didn't take long to find the tower where Willow and the others currently were. Unfortunately, the demons were on motorcycles and able to keep up with her. No sooner had she yelled to Willow that she needed service than the gang appeared behind her. She attempted to disengage from the fight, but there were a large number of demons and they continued to attack. Her friends were greatly outnumbered and were therefore unable to help her. She could not see a way out of the situation.

Perhaps if her friends had been equipped with weapons, the fight would have lasted much longer. However, in a short amount of time, the demons had them all captured and kneeling together. Buffybot found herself circled by four motorcyclists with a chain wrapped around each limb. She was sure that, were she able to feel fear, now would be the time she would. As it was, she chose to mute out the demon leader's speech and concentrate on her friends. Perhaps, if she somehow were to survive this attempted destruction, her memory banks would be all that was left of them. As her focus came to Willow, kneeling in a circle she saw the witch begin to come out of her trance.

Willow slowly became aware of the world around her. It was much louder than when she had left it; disturbingly so. She was extremely confused by the large number of demons, but that was quickly overridden by the sight of Spike, Tara, Giles, Anya, and Xander all being held captive. Looking around, she caught sight of the Buffybot gazing at her with an almost serene expression, highly at odds with the chains wrapped around her. Just as Willow registered what was about to happen, a gunshot went off and then the bot was torn apart.

Grief and rage tore through her, her heart unable to tell the difference between the death of her best friend and the destruction of a robot. A wordless scream ripped from her throat, the precursor to a wave of magic that incinerated half the demons yet left her friends untouched. Willow was so focused on the gang leader that she didn't feel it as she began to rise into the air. She took a deep breath and let out a scream that set fire to those demons left who hadn't already run. The leader remained and, with a snarl, stalked towards Willow. With a growl that barely sounded human, she pushed forward her hands as if digging into his ribcage from a distance. The demon stopped in obvious pain.

"And now you die."

Willow followed her words up by ripping her hands out away from each other and the demon in front of her was brutally torn in half. In the next breath, Willow, spent, fell to the ground. Within seconds Spike was by her side, pushing the hair out of her face and asking if she was okay. Before she could answer, Tara's arms were wrapped around her in a crushing embrace and Spike straightened up to stand beside them as Tara pulled back to look at her.

"Oh, baby! You're bleeding. We need to get you healed."

Limping toward them, half supported by Anya, Xander said "Not hating that last minute save, Wills."

With a pained grimace, Willow looked up at Spike. "We got lucky."

Looking around at their battered friends with a disbelieving laugh, Xander asked, "How is this lucky?"

Spike answered, though his eyes remained on Willow. "Because we're alive and the demons that Willow didn't manage to kill ran away. Those were Hellions. They go after vulnerable places. They obviously knew there was no slayer protecting the Hellmouth. The next time whoever comes might not run away.

With pained grunts and a lot of help from both Tara and Spike, Willow made it to her feet. Looking around at her battered friends and girlfriend, her eyes finally landed back on Spike.

"We need the Slayer."