#won't actually be able to play it today though and maybe not tomorrow either

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

So I did a thing...

I tried to be patient. For two days lmao

But in my defense I'm on vacation and in the spirit of that I decided to treat myself.

I have no regrets.

[pangaeaseas]

Yes, hello, I'd like a n. 15 for Gilderoy Lockhart and a n. 20 for Dumbledore, please and thank you.

Sorry for getting around to this so late i'm very busy today (and really should be sleeping now lol. yay 24 hour play festival.) I won't be able to finish the other ask I got for this game til tomorrow probably (though maybe i'll have more downtime than I think I will) but I will get to it and am already thinking of the answers.

15. Ok I have genuinely never thought about shipping gilderoy lockhart with anyone but here goes. So he needs someone who would prop up his ego most of all. Someone who would be willing to assuage him when he has some kind of problem or gets called out by someone else--assruing him no, you owned that guy gilderoy. pixies are soooo hard to fight you are so brave. and someone who has the patience for a lot of autograph signings. and someone who will be willing to let gilredroyput them down to feel better about himself. and someone who is either impressed by gildeory's memory charmed or is willing to pretend to be. so...honestly, considering the way Peter ends up acting with Voldemort (letting himself be belittled all the time and in a weird caretaker role)....I think the gilderat shippers have something good going on. Peter is used to gassing up people's egos while taking attacks, he's patient enough to live as a rat for 13 years so he could handle sitting though endless autograph sessions, and he'd enjoy being the actually more talentedIone in a relationship for once and I think he'd admire gilderoy's prowess with his one spell. I can see it! narcissist4narcissist evil rat x evil fame seeker ig.

20. Gellert Grindelwald is Dumbledore's one and only intellectual partner. No best friend could ever compare to him in Dumbledore's heart. Now Dumbledore's best friends by canon era are probably Snape and McGonagall: but in his heart, they are poor substitutes for Gellert. Dumbledore could have an evil bond with Voldemort (riddledore ftw)...except...he's never getting over Gellert. He doesn't want to get over Gellert. He not only can't have another lover but can't have another best friend. he was emotionally open one (1) time in his life. and never again. I do think he has a good thing going with Snape though. it's very toxic bc of the power dynamic and how he's manipulating Snape....but Snape is occasionally willing to call him out on his bullshit and I think Dumbledore empathizes with him a lot bc of their similar backstories of causing the death of someone they love and falling into evil. An ideal best friend to Dumbledore would both call him out and be an intellectual partner.

[ashenways1147]

II

Today was a more chilled out day, I decided that since exams are over I could finally sit in my room and chill properly. I've alternated between playing genshin impact, reading for whom the belles tolls (just hit chapter 40!) and watching a YouTube. Now I'm relax and re-watching the menu. I'm not sure what I'm going to read once I finish for whom the belle tolls, I just got Bat Eater by Kylie Lee Baker which looks good but I still have a couple of Junji Ito's that I haven't had time to finish.

I finally started talking to someone today. I posted on a support group online about everything and it felt amazing to finally talk to someone who just might understand or be able to offer advise. I know I won't be able to properly speak to a professional or attend a group support meeting (either online or in person) until I move out. I don't want my mum to know that I need help to that extent. She already knows I struggle quite a lot with anxiety and depression, I was properly diagnosed I think about five years now and have been on meds since then, I was also diagnosed with autism in 2020. The main factor in us realising I was autistic was how much I loved quarantine, not having to go out and being home alone while being able to work at my own pace, combined with a very extensive history of mental illness going back through my family. When we looked into it we realised that almost every member of my family on my mothers side had traits that heavily suggests autism as well as other neurological conditions. I think my biological father probably has traits of it as well but I don't know. I'm donor conceived and have only been able to access the data around who he is and who my siblings are quite recently. I feel weird calling him my biological father since he isn't actually my dad but I don't want to just call him a sperm donor. I may not know who he is as a person but I have his name and found his linkedin. I also re-read the letter that he wrote. For anyone reading this who may not know when a person donates eggs or sperm they write a letter to the possible children that my be born as a result. He seems like a really kind and genuinely thoughtful person based off this letter. I know I'm very lucky, back when he donated anonymous donations had only just become illegal and donors were still able to put limits on who could get the donations, e.g. he could have specified only 'traditional couples' which would of meant my parents couldn't have kids but he was one of the few who didn't limit, even in the letter he wrote he emphasised that he was doing this to help people who were unable to have children of their own.

I've just realised how much I've rambled about my donor and everything, I think its because I'm still conflicted over if I should contact him? I know one of my half siblings already through a dna test I did but I haven't found any of the others yet. That doesn't surprise me much though, I'm the eldest of all of them based of the data that I was sent.

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do tomorrow, might take my camera out for a bit and try out some new lenses my neighbour gave me. He used to travel a lot and photograph the world while he was a truck driver but now he's older and he heard I love photography he let me have a few lenses. It's still early but I'm so so tired. Everything makes me tired now days though. I'll be okay, only a few more months till I move out and maybe I won't be so tired any more

_ Ash _ 26/06/2025 _ 18:01

[the-himawari]

A3! Magazine Interview Translation - 2D☆STAR Vol. 11 (½) [Summer Troupe]

A roundtable discussion unveiling the addition of Summer Troupe’s newest member

Kumon-kun is an Undisputed BroCon!!

*Please read disclaimer on blog

---

——Congratulations on your 4th performance, “First Crush Baseball”. Hyodo Kumon-kun, the newly added member, could you please introduce yourself to our readers who are meeting you for the first time?

Kumon: Hyodo Kumon! Currently a second-year in high school! My blood type is A, and my birthday is July 20! My hobbies are watching baseball and collecting jerseys! Umm, also…

Yuki: A brocon.

Kumon: Ah, right, right! I’m a brocon!

Tenma: Don’t say that so proudly…

Kumon: But “brocon” means “you love your big brother”, doesn’t it? I really, really looove my big bro! So I’m a genuine brocon!

Kazunari: Yep yep, that’s one of Kumopi’s charm points!

Misumi: It’s the same with my triangles~.

Muku: The same… I wonder if it is?

Yuki: Just so you know, the brother that he loves so much is the Autumn Troupe’s Classic Delinquent.

Tenma: Classic delinquent…

Kazunari: Yep, fyi, he’s Autumn Troupe’s Hyodle!

Tenma: Those add-ons aren’t helping! It’s Juza-san.

Kumon: My big bro is super, super, duper~ cool, right! I’m the happiest person in the world to be born as my big bro’s little brother…

Misumi: You’re lucky~. I’ll give Kumon a Triangle-kun, swimsuit ver.~

Muku: Uwahh, it’s a new one! His swim ring and straw hat are so cute!

Kazunari: I designed it!

Yuki: And I’m the one who made it.

Muku: Oh, it’s a collaboration between Kazu-kun and Yuki-kun!

Kumon: I-is it really ok for me to receive such an amazing thing?

Misumi: Yep, take it~.

Kumon: Sumi-san…!

Tenma: Err, that’s not something that you should be so moved by! In the first place, why are you suddenly giving him a Triangle-kun…

Misumi: It’s cause Kumon’s cute~.

Kazunari: Ah, did Tenten want one too?

Tenma: Haa!?

Yuki: The hack hasn’t gotten many Triangle-kuns, right? At any rate, it’s because you’re a hack.

Tenma: Don’t call me a “hack” twice! It’s not like I really wanted one or anything…

Kumon: For me as the newcomer to be so brash… I’m so sorry!

Misumi: Tenma, I’ll give you lots when we get home!

Muku: Fufu. That’s great, right, Tenma-kun?

Tenma: Like I said… Ahh, I don’t care anymore! Do whatever you want!

——Now that their talk has heated up, let’s move on to the next topic. What are your honest impressions now that your 4th performance has finished? Also, how was Kumon-kun’s acting?

Kumon: You’re asking about my acting too!? Asking that is scary… I’m nervous…

Muku: Kyu-chan, are you ok? Your face is getting pale…

Kumon: I think I improved from the time of my initial audition, but there was never a day where I could say all my lines smoothly…

Kazunari: Nobody minds that, ‘kay?

Kumon: I messed up my standing position too, and somehow managed to get everyone to follow through for me…

Misumi: That happens all the time~. We’re a team, so it’s natural to help each other!

Kumon: There was also a time I was too flustered during my quick-change and the button on my shirt came off…

Yuki: Seriously, you're lucky I was waiting in the wings at that time, right?

Kumon: There were countless times where I accidentally talked over Tenma-san’s lines too… I only caused trouble for everyone…

Muku: …

Misumi: *Stare*…

Kazunari: …

Yuki: …

Tenma: W-why are you guys looking at me like that?

Yuki: No reason. We’re just wondering if you’ll say something to this infamously negative guy.

Kazunari: Your speech here is important! Leader Tenten!

Misumi: Go Tenma~!

Muku: I’ll whisper too…! Umm… Tenma-kun! Please be kind to him!

Yuki: Muku, that definitely wasn’t a whisper.

Muku: Haa! I accidentally put power into it…

Kumon: Making everyone be so considerate of me… I… I…

Yuki: Seeee, say something already, you hack. Or else who knows how far these pessimistic cousins will sink together.

Tenma: You guys are just hyping it up as you like! …*Sigh*. It’s true, Kumon’s acting was clumsy and he had a lot of misses.

Kumon: Yeah…

Tenma: But, everyone’s like that in the beginning, and we were able to make it safely to the closing night. You picked up on the adlibs well and you’re the one who carried the baseball scenes for us. Good job. You did well.

Kumon: Tenma-san…

Muku: That’s so great, Kyu-chan…!

Kazunari: Ohoho~, Kumopi and Mukkun have been moved to tears. It makes me remember the curtain call on our closing night~.

Misumi: There, there~.

Tenma: You guys are overreacting…

Yuki: Well, your acting will improve as much as you want from now on.

Kazunari: Yep, yep! We’ll work hard together from now on, right, Kumopi!

Muku: I’ll accompany you if you want to practise on your own, so let me know anytime.

Misumi: I like Kumon’s earnest and straightforward acting~.

Tenma: …And there you have it. You can make proper use of your failures in our 4th performance for our 5th performance. But aside from the troubles and failures… Even though it was your anticipated debut stage, are those really your only impressions?

Kumon: Eh…

Tenma: Do you have nothing else to say after you stood on stage for all those days and did your best at acting comedy?

Kumon: …It was fun. The play we put on with everyone was super fun! So I thought I wanted to act more and more with everyone as the Summer Troupe!

Tenma: Geez, see, you do. That’s the most important thing, alright?

Kumon: Ehehe, yeah!

——It looks like Summer troupe’s bond has grown stronger. “First Crush Baseball” was a baseball-themed story, but if you all were to watch a game, would it be baseball? Or another sport?

Kumon: It’s definitely baseball for me! Of course I like playing it, but as expected, watching baseball is the most fun!

Muku: I guess it’s baseball for me too. I’ve been going to watch Kyu-chan’s games, and we’ve been watching baseball on TV together since a long time ago.

Kazunari: Samesies~. I really started liking it after performing it on stage! I’m especially attached to second base!

Tenma: You do get interested in the position you played yourself, huh? I can’t help but watch it when it’s broadcast, and my eyes always drift towards the catcher too.

Misumi: I get it, I get it~. I’m also into baseball! Since the shape of the home plate is like a triangle~.

Tenma: Is that why!

Kumon: Ohhh! The baseball lovers have increased! I’m super happy~!

Yuki: Hmm, I don’t particularly have a sport, but anything apart from soccer.

Muku: Eh? Yuki-kun hates soccer?

Yuki: I don't particuarly like nor dislike soccer itself, but when it’s on TV, those guys’ cheering gets so fired up that I can’t stand it. The temperature in the room rises.

Tenma: (Winter troupe’s) Tasuku-san and them, huh…

Kazunari: Eh! It’s rare for Tax and them to get so hyped-up, so it’s fun and I like watching it together with them.

——And so, your 5th show is currently underway, is that right? Since the play is about ninjas, there are all sorts of actions scenes, but did you undergo any special training?

Tenma: We watched videos of Autumn Troupe’s plays and used them as reference on how to utilize our movements and spacing in action scenes.

Kazunari: It’s hard when you try doing it though~. Four guys moving around on that narrow stage looks awkward if you don’t figure out a way to showcase it.

Tenma: We got Director and (Autumn Troupe’s) Sakyo-san to watch us countless times, and then finally solidified it.

Muku: At first, we were worried we wouldn’t be able to keep up with Misumi-san’s agile movements, but when we tried it, we were able to catch up and move with the tempo too so it actually went well.

Yuki: Saying the Triangle Alien’s movements are agile is putting it lightly.

Kumon: Sumi-san’s kunai handling was super cool too!

Misumi: Ehehe~ thanks~.

Tenma: I’m glad the Summer Troupe doesn’t have anyone who’s seriously bad at exercising.

Kazunari: Strictly speaking, the only one who’s unathletic in our Theatre Company is (Spring Troupe’s) Itarun, right~? (Winter Troupe’s) Azu and Arinrin both don’t like excercising either, but it’s not like they’re unathletic.

Yuki: More than a miracle, it was thanks to that gamer’s obsession that he was able to get through the Spring Troupe’s 5th play.

Muku: We have to do our best too so we don’t run out of stamina until our closing night!

Kumon: Alriiight, then let’s run home today! We’ll go on a run!

Tenma: Yeah, I’ll pass.

Kazunari: Good luck, Kumopi!

Yuki: Go ahead by yourself.

Kumon: EHH!? E-even Muku won't…?

Muku: U-ummm… If it’s just a little bit…

Misumi: I’ll run too~.

Tenma: Geez. Don’t let it affect tomorrow’s performance.

——Speaking of summer, it was Yuki-kun and Kumon-kun’s birthdays a little while ago, right? Did you all throw a birthday party together?

Kazunari: ‘Course, we held surprise parties for both of them 𝅘𝅥𝅮

Kumon: We sure spent a long time thinking together about what kinda design we should go with for Yuki’s birthday cake.

Tenma: Well, it’s because Yuki’s fussy about designs. It was a relief Kazunari did a good job of getting everything down into an illustration.

Yuki: The sugar candy torso was cute. Thanks.

Misumi: We struck out together on Kumon’s birthday~!

Muku: We went with a cushion that was modeled after Sakura High's uniform, and we were really glad Kyu-chan accepted it just like we hoped he would!

Kumon: I’m super happy with it already… and it’s a treasure of a lifetime for me! But since it’s a nice chance, I’d be so happy if we could all have matching ones together someday.

Tenma: That’s true. How about it, Yuki?

Yuki: …Well, I’ll make one for everyone if I feel like it. Personally, I like Sakura High’s uniform too.

Kumon: Yay—! Thanks, Yuki!

Yuki: The hack can make his own though. I’ll teach him how to make it.

Tenma: Haa!? Why am I the only one who has to make it myself!

Yuki: Because you’re Tenma.

Tenma: That’s not a reason!

Muku: U-ummm… It’ll be Kazu-kun’s birthday soon, right! Do you have any present that you want?

Kazunari: Hmmm, something I want, eh~. …What do to, maybe there’s nothing.

Kumon: So selfless!

Kazunari: That’s not what I meant by that~. Lemme think! How about Mukkun? Your birthday’s after mine, right?

Muku: Me? Hm~mmm…

Misumi: Could it be, Muku doesn’t have anything either?

Muku: Ahaha. I think I’ll have something, but when I’m asked like this, nothing jumps out at me.

Kazunari: Right~. Then let’s think about it together!

Muku: Yeah!

——Now then, please leave a message, including any announcements from MANKAI Company, to your fans.

Tenma: There were various troubles this time as well, but following Spring Troupe, Summer Troupe was able to safely raise the curtain on our 5th show as well. I want to create the very best play with these 6 members, without missing a single person, all the way until our closing day. Please continue to support Summer Troupe from now on as well.

---

| Spicy Cuisine Research Society

[heresathreebee]

No Touching

[Ava Starr x Female!Reader]

Summary: Friend dates with Ava always brighten your day (and night). Tonight is more enlightening than brightening, though… 

Previous Masterlist Next

Word count: 1.7 words

Warning(s): 14+ | angst, gay panic, dolls, 1 (one) racist antique, Steven Segal movie, chronic pain, tears.

AN: No actually I didn't bother to edit this, not doing that anymore, I think too much as it is. As always, I write with a black reader in mind but feel free to read even if you aren't. 🖤

You are eighty percent sure that you and Ava are dating.

85%... 78%... 81.5% sure.

It would probably be best if you cleared that up (but be cool about it though). You've started seeing each other more and more, and on purpose no less. Never a dull conversation, she's reluctant to share some of her life story but she's eager to know everything about you and you're more than happy to indulge. It's not like you know nothing about her; you just don't know the specifics of her past. 

Her parents died when she was young, she's ex-military (you think?), and she just came off of a huge life change and is getting used to what she calls 'real life.' You figure out she's a bit of a shut in and hates crowds, so you go out of your way to show her quiet places and introduce her to things she's never tried before. The bowl by your front door where you put your keys has 20 or 30 marbles from ramune bottles in it. You can't seem to ring her secret out of her, she just gives you this cryptic knowing smile and laughs at your attempts to sweet talk or annoy it out of her. 

You feel so close, growing closer still, she's quickly become the best part of your week, and you catch yourself thinking about her even when she's not with you. But you've never held hands. Hell, you've never even so much as brushed shoulders with her by accident. If you're dating, shouldn't you at least hug her goodbye? Is she even able to be into you like that?? 

You try not to let the panic set in as you stand outside of the antiques mall. You told her you liked old things and promised to show her your favorite pastime. God, how do you go about this? Should you just flirt with her and see how she reacts? Also how does one flirt? What if you’re fucking up and she really just wants to be friends? God knows you could use some friends right now. 

When she does appear, you do nothing. You continue to act relaxed and enjoy her presence, promising yourself you’ll ask about it afterwards. Ava’s wearing that grey jacket again made of a thin sports fabric and you make a mental note it might rain today. 

“Ava,” you stage whisper, waving her out of the jewelry section by the front desk and into the maze of vintage old clothes and furniture. “Back here, to the left.” 

Deep deep deep in a corner of the massive store, Ava stops dead in her tracks (you run into her but back away quickly) and stares. 

“This... is…” Ava covers her mouth with her hands to hold her laughter in, “ghastly.” 

The shelf is wide, with dark wood trimming and protective glass. The lights are almost fluorescent as they illuminate dozens of humanoid dolls. Some are cute, but some are also creepy, unnerving, down right scary. 

You point at the one with the Jonbenet Ramsey likeness and deep cracks in her porcelain face. It was overly large compared to the rest, having to have stuffed legs crossed like a sitting child. "I think I fear that one the most." 

You felt Ava shiver and didn't even realize you were standing that close. Her eyes darted from face to face, taking in every terrible and wonderful detail of them. You smelled coconut in her hair and tried to distance yourself a bit, missing the conversation. "Huh?" 

"I said they're haunted, aren't they?" 

"That one definitely is." You look over the other dolls. "I don't know, I think the rest are kinda cute. 'Cept that one: that one can fuck off straight to hell." 

Down on the second shelf where the light began to struggle in reach belied an offensive porcelain joke. The decoration portrayed an over animated child at play, with oil black skin, fat red lips, and bulbous eyes. This child was dressed in white rags and sucking on a wedge of fruit. Guess which one. Fucking guess, I dare you. 

"It's not even a fucking doll," Ava grumbled. "Why is it here?" 

You leaned in to whisper, "someday, I'm gonna buy that thing just to fucking smash it on the pavement." 

"Oh, what a lovely sound it would make." 

You hum. "I'm not gonna give nobody money for that trash. Can't steal it either, we'd never make it to the door." 

Ava looked over her shoulder with a cheeky smile. "We?" 

You simply tilt your head at her, and she huffs out a laugh. She nodded as if agreeing with you, then drifted away from the case like a wary woman. You toured through the rest of the store like a treasure trove of other people's memories, war memorabilia, ancient brand merchandise (why would anyone want a life size green m&m in their house? Who is this for?), and paintings from the dadeism era by unpopular artists. You ate lunch at the vendor shops in downtown and retired to your place for a movie. 

You must have fallen asleep at the beginning but you came to during some big shootout between Steven Segal and generic Latino drug dealer #7 when you accidentally dropped your hand into Ava's lap. Quickly, Ava withdrawals, thrusting herself to the other side of the couch as if in disgust. Your head jerks up in hurt and confusion, you hadn't even felt anything except a light tingling. You could barely hear the tv audio over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. 

"You can't touch me," Ava spat. "You just can't. Ever. Please…" 

"I'm sorry. Ava, I– I am so, so sorry I didn't mean to–" 

"It's not your fault and you didn't know," she mumbled and faltered, "it's just… you can't." 

You feel tears prick in the corner of your eyes as you try to swallow. "I'm sorry. Really. It won't happen again." 

Ava looked up at you guiltily and sighed. She folded her legs and eased herself off of the couch arm rest, hands tucked into her lap and unable to meet your eyes anymore. 

"It's not what you think it is," she explained. "I… I have a condition of sorts. And it… it hurts.” 

Her words put a hold on the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “Like a… skin condition? Or nerves or something?” 

Ava nodded quickly. “Yes. yes, like a nerves thing. My um, my nervous system. It's chronic."

“Oh Ava,” you cover your heart with a breathy sigh, “of course! I wish I’d known I would have never–” 

“It’s not something I like to talk about.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m really glad you understand. Sorry I freaked out, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything.” 

You tried to blow a raspberry. “It’s whatever, didn’t hurt my feelings.” 

Yeah, you could hear the weakness of the lie, too. Still, Ava went and parked herself on the couch exactly where she was before– close but not too close. Warm but not quite touching. You were ready to let it slide and go right back to pretending to watch the movie when– 

“So what’s going on between us exactly? I like girls– I like you– and I don’t mean just in a friend sort of way– is it maybe sorta possible you might feel the same way about me?” 

Who said that? You? Honestly you’re feeling a little dizzy as you try and stare a hole in the tv screen. And Ava? Well at least she didn’t hold you in suspense for too long. She chuckled– and god you had to look. You had to know if she was laughing at you or with you. Your eyes snapped to her completely unmocking face. 

She blinked at you, bit her lip even. “Yes, I am.. Capable of liking girls. Might prefer them actually. And I definitely like you in a more-than-a-friend sort of way.” 

It takes a second to sink in. OK, it takes a hot minute to sink in. Like the movie ended and you walked Ava home and you slept in until 10 am and made omelettes for breakfast at noon and laid down on your floor staring at the ceiling until sundown. Yeah that kind of hot minute. And your lips curled into a soft smile because you had a girlfriend and she liked girls and you could not be happier than you are right now. 

~

Ava asked you to meet her on the corner by the antiques mall that night. You don’t know how but she got her grubby, thieving little mitts on that disgusting tar baby doll from the haunted doll shelf. You made her swear up and down she didn’t pay real money for it, then nearly pulled out your hair when you realized it meant she definitely stole it and– 

"How the ffffUCK do you just DO that?!" 

"Slight of hand," she mused. 

Fuck, and she was a geek. Yeah, you're definitely in love. She pushes the ugly thing into your hands and despite being cold porcelain it feels like it's burning. 

"Do the honors." 

There's no build up. No ceremony. You don't want to drag this out anymore. You take a swinging leap and spike that shit and watch it shatter into a hundred pieces with the most glorious sound you'll ever hear. You land in slow motion, already replaying the image of thick glass pieces cracking on the indigo pavement. You stand over your mess, triumphant. 

The quiet of the night time street drifts back to you, as does Ava. "I'll be honest I expected a big speech." 

You shrug. "I've been waiting too long to do that. Thank you, Ava. I mean it." 

"Oh believe me it was my pleasure." Ava swaggers closer to you and if you didnt know better you'd think she was going in for a kiss. "Tonight, the tar baby. Tomorrow, the world." 

You resist the urge to clap her on her shoulders and throw your hands in the air instead. "Sounds like a date!" 

Next

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[animebaby00]

I Don't Deserve It: Chapter 3 (FINAL)

When Shoto gets a nasty stomach bug, Izuku stops at nothing to take care of him.

But Shoto can't help but wonder why ?

(Link to Chapter 1): ⬇️

(Link to Chapter 2): ⬇️

The few times Shoto had forgotten to brush his teeth before bed had left him with an absolutely disgusting taste in his mouth the next morning.

However, that taste was NOTHING in comparison to the absolutely sickening, bitter, revolting, acidic flavor that coated his tongue once he woke up.

He pursed his lips sourly, positive that even the flavor of actual vomit coming up wasn't as bad as this. It was almost at the point of making him feel nauseous all over again, but with nothing in his stomach, it was just a mild queasiness.

He harshly blinked his eyes, taking note of the yellowish gleam in the room. It still must have been day time,but later afternoon due to the position of the shadows casted along the wall.

How long had he been asleep?

He sat up slightly, decently warm due to the blankets covering his form, but he wasn't overly hot, nor suffering from chills. He actually felt...better. Well, better than this morning at least.

But he still ached to rid his mouth of the bitter after tastes from earlier.

Shoto heaved himself up more, relieved that his body didn't act against him like it did several times before, and he was actually able to sit up without much protest. However, right when he did, the click of a door sounded in his ear and he caught sight of Midoriya reentering his room, a large, brown tray balanced on his arm.

This whole entire situation was turning into one of deja vu.

Midoriya made it about halfway into his room before he noticed Shoto's wakened presence, his eyes immediately perking up with a gleam of happiness once he did.

"Ah, Todoroki. You're awake." He said, a soft smile gracing his lips.

Shoto nodded, "Y-yeah." He looked back at the curtained window, " How uh...how long was I out?"

"About 4 hours. I was going to wake you up when I came back in here but I guess I won't need to," sock covered feet padded over to the bed and he leaned down to set the tray on the bed's edge, keeping his gaze upward as he did so, "How are you feeling ?"

Shoto's eyes widened a bit.

Such a simple question to answer, but to him, it felt highly difficult.

He knew it was just a simple inquiry about his wellbeing...but it was rare that he had ever been asked "how he was feeling".

He could say that he felt 100% better, say that he could leave Midoriya be and apologize for the unnecessary trouble. However, as proven from earlier, Midoriya was highly analytical (about the most odd things he may add) so he knew that if he tried to lie, the boy would no doubt be able to deduct it. It wasn't a complete lie though. He did feel better but-

"Not...too bad" he answered, noticing that even his voice sounded better, and he was deeply relieved by that "Not as bad as before."

Midoriya grinned "I'm happy to hear that !"

Shoto was a bit puzzled by the boy's eagerness, but that feeling completely diminished once he noticed Midoriya moving closer to him. His hand was slowly raising up, and in no time, it found a place against the skin of his forehead.

He froze in his place

"Well, you definitely look better." Midoriya concluded, "And your fever came down. I think you just caught that 24 hour stomach bug that's been going around."

Shoto blinked, "Stomach bug ?"

The freckled boy nodded, "Mmhm. I guess we've been so busy with our hero work and school that we didn't really notice it. But it doesn't last long." He pulled his hand away, "You should feel better by tomorrow, but make sure you take it easy."

Shoto watched as Midoriya reached over to grab a water bottle from the tray at the end of the bed, "Here, you should probably drink something after getting so sick. Don't need you getting dehydrated, but make sure you drink it slow. Are you still feeling nauseous at all ? Or dizzy? I brought some medicine if you are."

Shoto put a hand to his stomach, feeling slightly uneasy in answering.

He stayed silent, and a frown immediately crossed over onto Midoriya's face.

"Todoroki ? Are you okay ?" He asked frantically, tossing the water bottle to the side,"Are you feeling sick again ? Do you need the-"

"Why are you doing this?"

The question seemed to linger in the air. It was quiet for several seconds as Midoriya's face fell completely blank.

He slowly sat back down.

"What do you mean?"

Shoto looked down at his lap, "You know," he mumbled, gesturing to himself, the bed, and the tray at his feet, "All of this. Bringing me to your room, cleaning up the mess I made,the cold rag, bringing me water and medicine…"

"Helping me." He thought, but didn't say. Damn it, he really was pathetic. Just picturing what his father would say to him right now sent a flood of pitiful thoughts through his brain.

He was no better than a starving mutt scrapping up food from a trash can outside of a restaurant. A rotting, shriveled up tree in the cold depths of winter.

A piece of work. A nuisance. A waste of time.

A pathetic excuse of a human being, let alone a hero.

"Well that's obvious," Midoriya's chipper voice sounded, no ounce of remorse in sight, "Because you're my friend."

Shoto inwardly grimaced.

Friend.

The oh so Midoriya-like response that he knew deep down was coming.

But even so…it just wasn't right.

He slowly shook his head, fingers rising up to rub at his sore temples "God I can't believe this…"

"Huh?"

A sigh left his lips and he directed his bi-colored gaze to rest on Midoriya's deep, confused, green irises, his next words heavy on his tongue.

"I'm...I'm sorry Midoriya."

The freckled boy blinked, eyebrows furrowing at his sick friend, noticing how his presence seemed to suddenly freeze over them in a bitter chill.

What?

"Sorry?" he asked, his tone light and wavering in disbelief "Why are you sorry?"

Shoto pressed his lips into a thin line, his head tilting downwards, bangs covering his eyes. Slowly, he turned his head to the side, seemingly in an attempt to avoid Midoriya's perplexed stare…and the topic of explanation.

He looked so...dismal. Or maybe, upset? Disappointed? Honestly, Midoriya wasn't sure.

He actually wasn't sure about a lot of things in concern of Shoto today.

Everyone gets sick. That's inevitable. But Shoto seemed so completely and utterly...bludgeoned by it, that it had made Midoriya very concerned.

Shoto had to have not felt 100% that morning, considering how badly he had thrown up. He had hidden it well even though Midoriya could have sworn that his complexion did look a little green. But then, things continued to take their turns.

He hadn't mentioned feeling sick at all during their time in the bathroom, kept brushing off that he was fine. He had tried to avoid Midoriya's help and care, tried getting up and leaving when he very well wasn't capable of doing so.

And now, here he was, looking down at the bed, fiddling with his fingers like some child who had just stolen some cookies out of a cookie jar, apologizing for something that no other person ever would.

But why?

Why did he seem so regretful, so beaten down, so depressed?

Midoriya began to gain a bit of realization

He had seen that face before, at least ones similar to it. At their battle during the sports festival, in the hospital after beating Stain, those tiny increments he would encounter his father or talk about his mother.

Others wouldn't be able to see it, but Midoriya could. That look…

...was a look of guilt.

It was then that he understood. Maybe not Shoto's exact position, as no one could possibly understand what he'd been through completely. Midoriya knew he probably never would, but he was going to try his hardest to make Shoto understand HIS position, even if it was just a little.

"Hey, Todoroki." He tried, scooting closer to the male's side whilst looking down at the bed as well, , "You know...I actually used to not like asking for help either."

Midoriya ghosted his gaze upward for just a moment , and caught a twinge of movement from Shoto out of the corner of his eye. At least he got a reaction and confirmation that he was listening.

He picked at the blanket below him with his fingers, "I'm sure you already know this," he said softly, "But it was pretty much just me and my mom growing up. With my dad not in the picture, she was the one who always took care of me. She worked quite a few jobs a week at cafes and stores to keep up with expenses while also looking out for my well being at the same time. "

The soft smile on his lips faded some as he continued.

"I would usually stay at Kacchan's house after school when she couldn't pick me up, sometimes I would even spend the night or fall asleep on the sofa because she would get back so late. And when that wasn't an option, I would go to the office and do homework until she was able to come get me, but I never truly realized just how hard she pushed herself until I got older."

Izuku stood up and walked over his dresser, hand reaching out to pick up a framed photo of him and his mother, finger smoothing over the glassened face.

"She always had weekends off with me which made me happy. We would watch movies, play hero, go to All Might's autograph signings, and we'd always have so much fun...but I would begin to notice how she would doze off halfway through a movie, how sometimes she wouldn't lift me up as high, or how sometimes she would walk slower than normal. I never noticed...how tired she was. How worn out working so many different shifts made her, and on top of it she had to take care of me. It made me feel...guilty."

He set the photo down and turned back around, now finding Shoto's bi-colored gaze completely on him, focused and set, like he was mentally relating to what Midoriya was saying.

"Once middle school started, I decided to try doing more things for myself. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing my homework by myself, and other things. At first, it was easy, but then I found my time was slipping away because of my studies and my hero research. Sometimes I would go a day without eating, other times I wouldn't have time to study for a test and my scores weren't the best. I had to keep reminding myself that sometimes my mom had it way worse than me, and so I kept doing what I was doing. But I always found it strange how she would ask me if I was okay or if I needed help when she was the one working 3 jobs while also taking care of a kid."

Shoto parted his lips to speak, his inquisitive words just barely above a whisper.

"W-what did you do?"

Midoriya sighed before his lips curled up into a sympathetic, knowing smile "Denied it. Told her I was fine and that nothing was wrong."

Shoto looked down at the bed, "Oh…"

"But of course, schemes, whether good or bad, have to come to an end somehow. And that happened to me in one of the worst ways possible."

"How?"

Midoriya chuckled sheepishly,"I brought home my first test...with an F."

Now that was something. Midoriya had the 5th highest grade level in their class so he was no doubt a good student. To say Shoto was shocked was an understatement.

"Naturally, this caught my Mom's attention, and soon as I got home she set me down to talk. I knew then and there that I had to tell her what was going on and that I would only make it worse if I tried to hide anything so I told her everything from start to finish. I told her I felt bad for her and that I always worried that she was working too hard. I explained absolutely everything, but in the end, instead of her being mad, she did something that I'd always remember for the rest of my life. She took my hand and said 'Izuku, I want you to understand that no matter what, you can always come to me if you need something. No matter how tired I am, no matter what time it is, I'll always be here. It's my job to look after you. We can't do everything by ourselves, we can't be who we want to be without others. Help is a life necessity and everyone needs it sooner or later, even if they don't think they need it or deserve it. Asking for it and accepting it isn't a weakness…'"

Midoriya trailed off for a moment to walk back over to his bed to sit, and gently placed a hand over Shoto's folded ones, tone warm and reassuring.

"In fact...it's one of the greatest strengths a person can have.'"

Something clicked then. Midoriya's words...he wasn't sure why but they ignited something. A feeling that he couldn't pinpoint.

It took so much in the past for him to be convinced that help or assistance was a sign of weakness. All of the stern lectures, orders and put downs that he could be better. The never ending struggles that he conquered by himself and only by himself because that's what he was taught to do.

It was all changed by a simple story from a person he hadn't even known for a year.

"And you know," Midoriya added, "If a hero is sick, then they can't perform at their best for other people, so the best thing for you, whether you like it or not, is rest."

"Yeah." he sighed, "Your right. I...can actually see that now. I guess my old ways got to me. I'm just not used to this," he shifted in place, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Midoriya said with a smile, "I'm your friend. I'm happy to help."

He grabbed the water bottle for the second time, "Here, I imagine the taste you have in your mouth right now isn't too pleasant."

Shoto breathed a light chuckle and put the rim of the bottle up to his lips, "You have no idea." He took a few sips, relishing in how nice the coolness of the water felt in his parched mouth and dry throat.

"I've been sick plenty of times before so I have an idea. Now," Midoriya stood, "Do you maybe want to try eating something? Some crackers or some toast maybe ? You should probably try and keep your strength up."

"Yeah...crackers are okay. I'm not as nauseous as I was earlier so I think I can stomach it."

"Great ! I'll be right back then. Call if you need anything else, okay?"

"...Sure."

Midoriya turned to head out of the bedroom, hand reaching out to grab the handle of the door.

"Midoriya ?"

He paused his movements and turned his head.

"Yes, Todoroki?"

And then he saw it. That oh so, rare, genuine little smile that seemed to brighten up the whole room.

"Thank you."

Two simple words, but to Midoriya, they meant a million.

[ma-gic-gay]

Finally, the legal proceedings begin again, with testimony from rather dull people, if he's being honest. The jury, it's clear to him at least, is fairly calm at the moment, but there's not a chance in hell that Cyrus is getting off. Not this time. And that terrifies him.

A man with nothing to lose is a very dangerous man. A mobster with nothing to lose? Absolutely fucking terrifying.

A few hours and legal spats between Diane and Helstrom later, court is adjourned until tomorrow, at 8 am. Which, he calculates, leaves Cyrus with a fifteen hour period to cause havoc before the next day.

He sighs, "C'mon, let's get you home," to an unresponsive Carly. "Carly?"

"What?" She asks, snapping back into reality.

"What are you thinking about?" Jason asks, mind running with concern. After all, normally when she's zoning out while thinking, she's making a plan.

And the last plan she made landed them in this courtroom.

"The testimony. I mean, they're genuinely trying to make it seem like you or I would concoct some plan and lure Cyrus into raping and kidnapping me. What the hell do they think of us?" Carly asks, a single tear dripping down her face. "I mean, neither of us are perfect, I know, but to think that I'd do that- that you would do that, it's insulting!"

"They're trying to get under our skin, okay? There's proof they're lying through their teeth right now, Carly. Cyrus is a sick bastard and he's going to jail for the rest of his miserable life. You and I get to walk free while he rots. We will win this." He says, sitting back down in his chair to hug her.

Carly lets out a sad laugh, "God, I hate this."

"I do too."

"I need to get out of here," she sighs, standing up. "You coming?"

"I'm the one who's driving, of course I'm coming," he smiles, holding up the keys just above where she can reach. "Ha, very funny. You're in no shape to drive. Let's go."

"You know, if you would just let me drive, I would be a lot happier right now because I'd have something much better to do than-" Carly starts, stopping her statement suddenly as they leave the courthouse.

He surveys the area immediately, seeing not one, not two, but three armed guys who don't exactly look like cops aiming right at the pair. Fuck. His fingers play at his belt loops, but he doesn't have a gun on him today; it's a court day, why the hell would he bring a gun to a courtroom? That's just plain stupid and it's practically asking to be arrested.

His instincts kick in and he realizes they're gonna make the shot. Unlike the other (relatively shitty) gunmen, assassin's, whatever Cyrus calls them that he's sent after Jason, these ones actually look like they're capable of firing a gun correctly. And they're getting paid hinges on whether or not they hit Carly and him.

Bullets fly out of all three guns at the same time and he shoves Carly out of the way, yelling, "Run!" and ducking down himself but it's too late.

He's been shot, he can feel it as he stumbles onto the ground. His head pounds in his skull and he swears for a minute he can feel his brain. Ow. "Jason!" Carly screams and he can hear her footsteps as he tries to figure out where he's bleeding. "Get back here you sick fucks!" She screams even louder at the gunmen, which probably means they're gone. "I'm going to shoot you myself the second I lay eyes on any of you I swear to god."

Turns out they were just getting paid to shoot him. Carly was just the way they'd manage it.

That knowledge is somewhat comforting as the pain of the bullet continues to hit him in waves, coupled with that of banging his head on the ground when he fell from it. It's a very painful situation for the assassin, who can hear himself moaning in pain.

He's enveloped by a haze of blonde as she cries, pulling out her phone. "I need an ambulance immediately at the courthouse. My best friend was shot in the chest and he's got a head wound." That explains the pain; a chest bullet hurts pretty damn bad. It's not a fun thing. Hence why he doesn't normally shoot in the chest, but rather either a non lethal area or something like the head or the heart. The head wound, though, that doesn't make sense. If he's got a head wound, shouldn't he be unconscious by now? "Well I'm not exactly sure why he got shot, lady, but you better get an ambulance here before I sue this goddamn town for negligence of a shot person!"

A chuckle leaves his throat through the pain as the world starts to get fuzzy around the edges, despite his best efforts to have it not happen like that. "Jason, no, keep your eyes open! Look at me!" A frantic Carly screams, pulling what looks like a really ugly scarf out of her bag and putting it over where he assumes the bullet is. "Just keep your eyes open. Focus on me."

In the distance, he can hear an ambulance's siren. "Of course I'm doing everything I can to keep him conscious, what the hell do you take me for?" She snaps at the lady on the phone through tears. Even when she's witnessing him get shot (and possibly dying, though this isn't exactly the way he planned on dying), of course she's still fighting random people.

"Carly, stop harassing the operator," he says, though he can feel it use quite a bit of his strength as the fuzziness intensifies.

"You do not die on me, Jason Morgan, do you hear me? I am not letting you die because of me, I will not be able to live with myself if you die like this and I have to witness it. Keep your eyes open and just focus on me," Carly practically begs as the sound of the sirens intensifies. They're probably getting closer to being here, maybe even pulled into the parking lot. He can't tell.

As Carly's rambling about something, he can't hear her very coherently anymore, the world turns black around him. Vaguely, he can distinguish the sound of her sobs and the pressure of the scarf around his chest.

"Jason, please, please, please, open your eyes," Carly begs, sobs overtaking her pleas as the ambulance approaches. This isn't happening, this is a nightmare, he's not actually shot and possibly dying. Right? He's fine, right?

"Ma'am, we're going to need you to step away from him so we can do our jobs and help him live," a random paramedic instructs her, earning a scoff as she backs away a few feet.

Who the hell does he think he is, ordering her around like that? Acting like he knows a damn thing about either of them, or like he's got any authority. He could be dying right now for all she knows! "I'm riding with you in the ambulance," she declares. "And you won't be able to keep me out so don't even try to."

"You'll just be taking up space-"

"I've been in these plenty of times before. There's more than enough space and," her voice breaks, a quiet sob leaving her lips before she continues, "he has the keys."

Shaking his head at her, the paramedic signals her to get in and she does just that as Jason's loaded into the ambulance her. "Don't die," she begs quietly to the unconscious man. "Please, god, don't die. This can't be the bullet that kills you."

"Say a prayer in your head," the paramedic says to her and she snaps.

"Stop acting like you know what I'm going through. I don't care if you don't understand what's going on here but let me explain it to you: your job is to make sure my friend here doesn't die. Got it? You can give up on ordering me around any minute now because I'm not in the goddamn mood to listen to it." Carly snaps, tears of rage streaming down her face.

The rest of the ride is mainly silent, save for a few sniffles and sobs from the blonde. With her luck, someone will be at the hospital and this'll be front page news tomorrow.

When they arrive at the hospital, Portia immediately takes Jason's gurney and brings it to a trauma room with a slew of nurses behind her. At least he's getting five star treatment, she thinks, sitting down slowly in a chair.

He got shot protecting her. And now he could die because of it.

"Carly, what's going on here?" Sam asks, storming over.

"Jason," she starts, voice breaking and unsteady as she continues, "got shot outside the courthouse. They're, uh, taking a look at him right now."

"What?" Sam asks, disbelief evident in her tone. "How did he get shot?"

"We were leaving the courthouse and I was fighting with him over driving home and I noticed these three guys, they had guns aimed at us. He noticed and I was stuck there, wondering what the hell they were doing outside of the courthouse and he shoved me out of the way. But," she continues, feeling shame and dread crawl into her veins as she watches it unfold again mentally, "he was too late in saving himself. He got shot in the chest and he fell to the ground. I kept thinking to myself, I've got to save him, I've got to save him for one of the million times he's saved me, so I call an ambulance and wrap his chest in a scarf. And I was begging him to live and bickering with the operator when, suddenly, he stopped showing any response. I don't know if he's dead or alive."

Near silent sobs are all that's heard for a few minutes by either of them, both trying their best not to scream. "He could die," Sam notes, "because of you. Because he has this need to protect you, Jason could die."

"What?" Michael asks, heartbreak evident on his face and killing Carly's heart even more. "What happened to Jason?" When he's met with silence, he asks his question again, "what happened to Jason, Mom, that Sam's blaming on you?" She meets his eyes and sees that he's begging for the truth.

"He got shot." The words seem to echo more than she expects, the full weight of them only now hitting her as she sobs loudly in the middle of the hospital, not caring who hears.

To be continued later in this life.

e

[euphoriacrossing]

It took a minute but things are kind of as I had hoped.

I know I made a lot of posts before the game came out talking about how I hoped I would be more social due to it and I would play more with friends and for a few days I was worried it wouldn't make a difference. But now I am sure that it is one of many differences it IS making. I have made friends due to it, and I am happy about that.

Spent hours this morning playing with a friend from a small Animal Crossing discord, and even got @dizzimulation to drop by, though he was reluctant, I think or at least hope he got something out of it. But he didn't get his fruit because he didn't leave through the airport, so he has to come back sometime, and I'm almost glad he has a reason to come back because I want to enjoy this game more with him.

(I didn't get enough pictures because I was busy having fun but hopefully next time I'll get more. Better ones than this at least, lol, but this was the one I looked best in... obviously I am in the pineapple dress.)

And so that makes four different people I've had on my island now this week not including my sister who I play with almost constantly as well. (I feel the game has also made our relationship better.) I want to host a bunch of people at once sometime though, and I also want my sister to play with us so she can be in on all the fun as well but she's SUPER shy so we'll see how things go sometime.

Today I also got to go to my friend from the discord's island too. It was really nice, I think it was cuter than mine, but I still think Euphoria needs a lot of work I plan to put in. But it was cool seeing an island other than mine or my sister's... because i don't have much stuff I've run across to put out and beautify my town in thought my island might have a generic look, but in reality our two islands couldn't have been more different. And hers was really nice, but just so different it's hard to make a comparison. I was a bit jealous, well, not jealous really, because I am really happy for her, but just little things like how lucky she got with her map and how she's already about to get the Able Sisters shop already... but I am happy about that one both for her and me because she said she would let me come over once construction is done. So yeah, it was just nice to get a peek at a friend's island and see how differently things can be done in this game.

Right now I have the game open and it's a beautiful perfectly clear night, and the starry sky is so freakin' beautiful. This game is beautifully made, I truly have never seen a game's graphics that I love this much, because i have always loved the style of Animal Crossing but this game is on a new level for sure.

Anyway, i have the game open watching for shooting stars to try and make good use of my time in game while I write this and I've seen and wished on three, but I think it was the second night or something I saw dozens (but only bothered to wish on about a dozen myself), maybe it was a meteor shower or something, I'm not sure, but I would like to get more star fragments now that I have a couple of wand recipes (star and bamboo) because I like having extra wands to be able to gift them to friends who might not have them because I think they are such a fun little part of the game.

And gifting, that's the main reason I need to get all of my friends over for at least a minute or two. I mentioned how I loved the mailing system (ah just caught two more stars!) but I hate that your friends have to come over to be considered your friends in this game. Can't they just detect who is my nintendo switch friend, or ask for a code or something? I mean I guess it is reasonable enough, I am really glad we can do it at all now, but I want to send presents to all my friends. And while we're on what I dislike, I don't like that you can only send two letters a day to each friend. I want to send them something when it makes me think of them and that might be more often than that! But overall I guess my criticisms are just small ones, it's really a lot of fun to get to send my friends gifts and I am really glad it's not limited to best friends like I initially thought. And so I guess I have quite a few people to send to, and I'm not the best gift giver, I am actually hoping this will help with teaching me how to get what people like and such, so I suppose it's alright. I have just had moments when I saw something and thought of a friend I can't send to yet. Guess I'll just start saving those gifts until I can get that friend over for the first time. I have such cluttered storage though.

Well mostly cluttered with my clothes. My wardrobe is really coming along, in that I could actually make more outfits than what the wand holds (including what I wear underneath) so I have still been changing up my underneath outfit a lot as well as using the wand. I hit up three different Mabels today (mine, my friend's, and my sister's) and bought a good bit of what each one was selling. Plus villagers always give (five more shooting stars!) me clothing, I get it from the recycle box, and tons from balloons as well as ordering it from Nook Shopping when I find a piece I like. I try to only get things I like or think will be useful, and I DO sell clothes that i don't like. But there is a lot of cute stuff in this game, and I only hope it's more than I could ever possibly collect, because when I find a cute new piece of clothing I just melt. Like the blossom dress I think it's called, I'd never seen it before and I think it's super darling. (Four more stars!) The clothes are so special to me because in real life for a number of reasons (weight, money, pain and ability, etc) I can't dress in a way that helps me to express myself at all. My hair is similar because I overheat so easily I have to keep it as short as I can, and I can only style it the way my mom likes or she won't be seen with me and that matters as she is my driver and caretaker. (5 more stars). So to be able to express myself in game and look how I want really feels amazing, especially when that is a lot of what my friends will see of me since we're only online friends.

Anyway, tomorrow is Biff's birthday and I looked at New Leaf's guide of what to get him but I don't have any of the main things, and so I am just going to give him something random from my storage. I hope he will like it enough and that his birthday goes well. I dunno if I should invited my sister or people over or try before I go see him, or if I just go over on my own. Biff though has been a real unlikely buddy for me. Tammy and I have clashed since the beginning, which was kind of a bummer because I expected to like her most. And then there was this jock hippo, love hippos, hate jock personalities, so it could have gone either way. But he was funny, and cute, and endearing instead of coming off like an asshole so we were fast pals. He didn't even get a birthday announcement on the bulliten board from Tom Nook... Beau whose birthday is in April already got one, but Biff was maybe too close to the start of the game? Not sure. But maybe I'll draw him something on the board tomorrow. Or well it's technically today.

This has been long enough though. How many stars is that? I might go ahead and do some other stuff online while I look for more, it's a good way to multitask in my opinion. Because I personally never catch them if I'm not looking at the sky, but to sit for an hour or more just staring isn't a great use of time. So to have it open in the background while taking care of other things, that is the way to go! 😁 But yeah, I'll shut up now. Thanks for reading!

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: It's probably a lost cause Ava: but I lost my bracelet when we went out Ava: I remember having it in the first club but not after that Ava: If you're in the 2nd again, could you ask? Ava: No doubt it's long gone but James: I'll ring, I know the owner James: but I'll need a description, I don't remember what it looks like Ava: Thanks Ava: [sends picture like oh hey remember this face] James: [a long enough pause for him to have been trying to find this bracelet everywhere and she probably thinks he's fucked off] James: sorry, no joy Ava: Oh, no worries Ava: Cheers anyway, like James: did you go anywhere after? James: you could've had it on longer than you think Ava: I've already rang Kings, in case I left it in the dorm or something but no luck there either James: none with uber either James: kept me on hold for ages to let me know they don't have it Ava: Ugh, sorry Ava: Don't worry any more on it, it isn't sentimental or anything like that James: it was kind of a helping hand honestly, youngest liked the music they played, a very impromptu lullaby from an unexpected source Ava: Well, who knew hold music was good for anything but rage quits Ava: Unless they're now having a really angry nap James: 😂 James: that'll more likely be me later Ava: If you're lucky, yeah? James: if it hasn't run out Ava: Surely not James: they've both got some kind of hangover detector James: I'm sure you can imagine Ava: I've spent enough time with my nephew to know Ava: No sympathy from a toddler James: indeed Ava: Look, I don't know if I should even bring it back up but I'm sorry for how things went down that night James: I don't get caught up in regrets, remember Ava: I remember Ava: But I didn't Ava: I don't have bad intentions or anything, that's not me James: you've not struck me as someone who does Ava: How do I strike you? James: It was agreed I'd need longer than an evening to answer that Ava: I suppose Ava: First impressions can still be a thing James: it was a good first impression Ava: I'm glad James: but you're also sorry? Ava: I can't be both? James: you can Ava: So, you aren't sorry Ava: but are you glad? James: I can't be Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I can't not be sorry James: It's me who should be sorry Ava: That's up to you Ava: if you don't do regrets you don't James: my actions don't only affect me Ava: I know Ava: Well, you won't get any trouble from me, like I said, not about that James: there's a line drawn under it James: you won't get any from me either James: [lies because you know he's bought her a replacement bracelet so she'll literally get that like the next day, boy we see you okay] Ava: Okay James: it was fun while it lasted, don't beat yourself up any harder James: the big glasses were cute but you shouldn't have to keep them on indefinitely Ava: Jesus Ava: Don't you know you're meant to pretend you didn't see that James: but walking around with your eyes & mouth closed all the time is very exhausting & I haven't had my nap yet Ava: I also have no sympathy for you, idiot James: I think you have some, but I don't blame you for not wanting to give it to me Ava: Nope, none Ava: I promise Ava: no space in my head James: oh Ava James: you have my sympathies, in that case Ava: Don't James: you don't want them? Ava: Let's say I don't do sympathies James: understood James: they are easy to get weighed down in Ava: and so rarely sincere James: it's reminiscent of wearing wet clothes, people only really want you to take them off in order to spare themselves the puddles James: they ask you if you're cold but they care about their floors Ava: Exactly Ava: and floors are more important 'round here Ava: and anything resembling sincerity is as unsightly as a damp mark on your new carpet James: the content I'll require for my English degree is writing itself Ava: Is that what you want to do, really? James: it's a question that'll get answered as often as it's asked Ava: How often do you get told what you want then James: daily at least Ava: How often does it come close James: it has yet to Ava: Oh James James: you don't do sympathies James: please never change on my account Ava: It could be empathy James: but is it? Ava: We'd need another night James: how many more bracelets have you got to lose? Ava: 😂 Ava: What kind of Chelsea girl do you take me for? James: you heard me say it was a good first impression Ava: 😏 I'd take a bow but can't risk losing any more jewels today James: we'll pretend you really did Ava: If that's what you're into, II James: what kind of Kensington boy do you take me for? Ava: Won't be the first to have a #scandal James: no trouble, need I remind you Ava: Just hypothetical, obviously James: you just hypothetically wanna know what I'm into? Ava: I just hypothetically hit the nail on the head James: if that's what you think, Ava Ava: Go on then Ava: Are you even gonna hypothetically tell the truth though? James: where's a hypothetical lie getting me? Ava: Away from hypothetical shame if it's weird shit Ava: I'm not one for hypothetical judgment though James: I'm not one for hypothetical shame Ava: Soooo Ava: 👀 James: I don't know, truthfully James: I'd need a whole hypothetical life, I suppose Ava: Fair Ava: It's a pretty bait question anyway James: you have an answer though, I can tell Ava: Singular? Ava: How rude James: 😂 James: because one leads to another not because you're hypothetically uninteresting Ava: Yeah, that's right Ava: about to be so hypothetically fuming James: you can have as many hypothetical apologies as you have interests, okay? Ava: No need to change on my behalf, however hypothetical James: what makes you think a personality change would be required Ava: Apologies are awful close to regret James: I'm not saying them to myself Ava: Try it out then Ava: See if I'm into it James: I'm really sorry I had to leave Ava: Me too Ava: but I don't think I'm about it, so you don't need to mention it again James: if you don't want me to, I won't Ava: I figure you owe enough sorries to more important people Ava: I'm good, honest James: I'm happy to hear it James: & not looking to mess anything up for you, hypothetically or actually Ava: I know Ava: You haven't Ava: it isn't my business so you know, no obligation to answer Ava: but why did you get married so young? James: because I had a baby to raise that young Ava: Yeah James: I wanted to do something that would actually help, at least shut up our parents because there was no silencing all the horrible things everyone else was saying James: It wasn't fair to treat her suddenly like public enemy number 1, not for that Ava: That makes sense Ava: I can see the logic James: It was a mistake we both made, I couldn't just leave her to it James: but I don't know, maybe we'd have both been better off if we'd approached it differently James: as parents but not a couple Ava: Well, it isn't permanent Ava: You can still do that Ava: Co-parent, that's not leaving her to it James: She won't let that happen Ava: It won't be easy Ava: It's weighing up if the now is worse than how invariably shit divorce is James: every time I try to leave I'm not allowed to see or speak to them until I go back James: she gets everyone on her side, including my parents Ava: If you go through official avenues, she won't just be able to do that Ava: She can't say you're unfit because you're not Ava: That's so shit and Ava: not right James: but she'll get my daughter to say that she hates me & doesn't wanna see me by telling her that's what I'm saying, I know she'll turn them both against me long before anything gets officially sorted out James: last time I walked out she told Jay so many things that aren't true Ava: She'd say that to a kid? Ava: Her kid? Ava: what's wrong with her James: I've given up trying to figure out everything that is Ava: You can't do this forever Ava: You deserve better Ava: you don't get to fuck someone over because you have a kid with them, imagine it reversed, how much of a bad guy you'd be then, it's no different just because she's the mum James: I'll send them both away to school when they're older, but for now I have to do this Ava: How do you do it Ava: How have you lasted this long, never mind how long that will be James: I see my children every day, it makes everything else bearable James: & I know they need that Ava: Yeah Ava: They're the most important thing Ava: but you matter as well, you can't Ava: I don't know James: for better or worse, right? Ava: You don't get to pick one each though, like James: I made my bed, Ava James: everyone told me not to marry her but I did Ava: 'cos you thought it was the right thing Ava: it shouldn't function as a lifelong punishment James: I never thought it was right James: I just wanted to be a better dad than I've got James: & that was the only way she'd let me Ava: That's a good reason Ava: even if it turned out not to be the best idea James: bad ideas have been around longer than she has James: I can't remember when I last had a good one James: I'd have been younger than you Ava: It's hard to make them when you have to commit to the worst, like Ava: you've gotta do something for you Ava: just 'cos you wanna Ava: or you'll lose it James: I will if you'll meet me for coffee James: I wanna see you again Ava: Okay Ava: I'd like to see you too James: tomorrow? Ava: I can do that Ava: What time, I have lunch at 1 or I can do after 5 James: lunch works Ava: Cool Ava: Looking forward to it James: I am too Ava: 😊 James: [when you're gonna have to go so far away for your date so you don't get spotted lol] Ava: [honestly should defs say its a school day so you ain't getting back for afternoon classes but that's not so wild anyone is like hello??? but start the sneaking as you mean to go on] James: [literally gonna spend half her lunch break on-route in the car cos London so we gotta but at least we can say it's an uber mood again so he's not driving] Ava: [I'll do some before 'cos like is he gonna show nerves] Ava: We still on for lunch time? James: nothing else has come up Ava: 👍 Ava: I'll book my ride James: I'll pick you up Ava: Are you sure? James: sure that we don't need 2 separate ubers going to the same place? yes Ava: fair point Ava: but I'll definitely get the coffees then James: no you won't Ava: The post came before I left this morning Ava: you really didn't have to do that Ava: but you did, so I can definitely get you a latte or whatever your particular shade of coffee is James: I didn't want leave you bracelet-less & me close to having a regret James: so I kind of did have to Ava: Well, when you put it like that Ava: thank you, it was one of my favourites actually Ava: didn't wanna push for that regret too hard though James: now you won't have to Ava: The coffee being bitter over the company definitely sounds like a better plan James: you don't have to order coffee, you know Ava: I'll probably get an iced drink of some description Ava: ☀🥵 James: too much sunbathing between classes? Ava: 😏 Ava: I'm sure the dons would say any is too much Ava: but I'm still pretty pale James: I'm correcting that to still pretty Ava: Gonna look like a 🍅 now James: who doesn't like 🍅? James: bloody marys are fantastic for one Ava: Now I know you have good taste James: in drinks at least Ava: and 🍅s thank you James: potentially everything but wives & uni courses Ava: Don't make me laugh because it's definitely not funny James: but hypothetically how smitten would I be if you did laugh? Ava: Oh, head over heels, of course Ava: like 👼s singing James: I thought so Ava: Don't wanna hypothetically disappoint James: it's not even hypothetically possible Ava: Your level of hypothetical trust is cute James: your level of hypothetical modesty is unnecessary Ava: Fine, but it's your fault when I don't fit my hypothetical hat James: I'll buy you a bigger one James: hypothetically Ava: You going to hypothetically redress me piece by piece? James: I'm not falling into the trap of you thinking I'm saying I need to James: there's nothing wrong with how you dress Ava: I'm not even hypothetically that sly Ava: Straightforward and to the point, yeah? James: it's what I like about you Ava: You're pretty good at it yourself James: game playing has never got me anywhere I want to be Ava: Games rely too much on chance and luck for my liking Ava: someone has to lose James: precisely James: as much as I'd potentially hate losing to you less than I would to lots of other people, it's still better as a hypothetical Ava: No games, I promise James: I'm taking that to also mean no more pool at the vault & you can't stop me Ava: 😱 Ava: You're really going to make me enroll just to get back in that VIP venue? Ava: Rude James: 😂 James: seeing you every day would be fun but putting fun ahead of all things academic gets you where I currently am in life James: I can't do that to you, even hypothetically Ava: You can hypothetically follow me for your next course Ava: I'm a great study buddy James: unless you're going abroad somewhere to study Ava: Unless you count SE as abroad Ava: lord knows many of our peers do 🙄 James: in that case, following you sounds close to a good idea Ava: 🤏 Ava: I'll find a way to hypothetically swing it Ava: the world needs your writing, II James: I've never been more devastated to have a job waiting for me that isn't strictly hypothetical Ava: I's doing, I suppose Ava: What are you going do instead of write your great novel about me? James: you'll have to look out for my self published works written by night under an obvious pseudonym Ava: I will Ava: Will you sign my copy? James: of course James: under your printed dedication Ava: I'll have to think of an excellent pseudonym myself James: can you do 1 other, simpler thing for me before then? Ava: I'm sure I can? James: order for me something you like James: I don't know what I want Ava: I like a challenge Ava: Okay James: do you want me to tell you if I don't share the liking of it or not? Ava: 'Course Ava: 'cos I need to find you something you do like James: if time doesn't run out Ava: We can have more lunches too Ava: as well as evenings James: that'd be good James: I'd hate to only see you in the dark Ava: That's mutual James: if I wrote us meeting exclusively at night everyone would assume I'd decided on a vampire novel James: so I'm happy to hear it Ava: I think its making a comeback Ava: and I'd definitely buy you as an Edward Cullen type James: I have no clue if I should be flattered or offended Ava: A potentially complex issue, a complex character beyond the sparkles Ava: I just meant you'd be eligible for dreamboat status James: you're saying I should make a detour to buy the book or download the film to my phone right now or I shouldn't? Ava: Will we have time to watch it together is the real question Ava: Because I have to pop your 🍒 James: is it a 90 minutes is all you need kind of film or 3 hours of lingering close ups? Ava: 126 James: I can do that Ava: Yeah? James: skipping a lecture I have no desire to be in to further my hypothetical masterpiece of a novel in the early stages of its development, that's a fantastic idea Ava: 💡 Ava: Was bound to have one eventually Ava: Let's do it then James: you're claiming not to have had any before now? Ava: In my life, obviously Ava: but with you? 'close to a good idea' is as close as I've got so far James: I won't deny you the opportunity to get closer then Ava: Thank you Ava: You can find out if it's only hypothetical that I'm unable to disappoint James: I feel like I already know that Ava: You've had a taste Ava: but you can have more Ava: if you want it James: I do Ava: Okay Ava: Good James: but it's never going to be as simple as words like okay or good Ava: It could be Ava: I'm not saying all the time Ava: or even that we can always give 126 minutes to it Ava: but whatever we can James: you can't say all the time because I can't ever give you all the time James: I can't give you any more gifts or regular dates or even selfies Ava: I know that Ava: I'm not asking for any of that James: but you should James: because you're free to do whatever you want with whoever you want Ava: Exactly James: why this? Ava: because you need somebody Ava: and I like you James: oh Ava Ava: It is as simple as that James: I'll try that out, see if I can believe it Ava: I know nothing else is but Ava: why not Ava: I want to and you don't need to buy that or promise time you haven't got James: for as long as you want to then Ava: for as long as you need me then James: no because James: my life isn't going to change Ava: James James: you don't know what she's like but I know everything she's ever done or is likely to do Ava: People like that don't stop, I know that Ava: they have to be stopped James: there's no stopping her Ava: Well there's no stopping me either and I'm on your side James: you don't need this Ava: I told you, I like you Ava: I won't just turn my back on you James: I can have this car turned around, you don't have to do anything Ava: Of course I don't have to Ava: and neither do you, not with me Ava: you don't owe me anything, I'm just telling you how it is for me Ava: and I want to see you James: I want to see you too, more than when I originally said it Ava: Good Ava: Then don't turn around, yeah? James: I always do the wrong thing, I don't want to, to you James: so if you don't want me to turn around, I won't Ava: I want you to do what you want, that's all Ava: even if that was turning around, which, undeniably, would be shit but I'd survive Ava: but you wanna come, I'm almost 100% James: understood Ava: Okay Ava: I've got a great urge to tell you I'm not insane but that makes me sound more so so I'll just Ava: 😶 James: you haven't once struck me as being & I have some experience, as it were Ava: That's alright then Ava: It's a comparison I don't need, you either, I'm sure James: just don't insist I marry you & it won't ever need to be made Ava: Easy Ava: Got my word James: if only I had your skill at losing jewellery Ava: It is a talent, definitely; but unteachable? Nah James: now you've got a great urge to teach me something James: okay Ava: So many whims, only so much time Ava: Lucky I'm an excellent teacher James: very novel protagonist-esque, honestly James: you're earning your page space Ava: If fictional me gets slated as dull I'll have to change my pseudonym and run away James: you couldn't be hypothetically dull if you actually tried James: never mind close to anything else Ava: You always know just what to say yet I still believe it sincere James: it is sincere James: from the kings head shaving horror stories until now Ava: I'm confident believing it, and you Ava: because boys who always know what to say always say the wrong things James: maybe 126 minutes later I will have Ava: That's okay Ava: a mix of right and wrong Ava: that's real Ava: anything other and you're definitely up to something Ava: 😇 or 😈 either way James: I gave you a real tour the moment you asked for it, that's 😇 Ava: It felt it James: I'm not going to leave in the middle this time James: strictly end credits Ava: Don't promise Ava: that's practically begging fate James: well that's the last thing I want, my lips are sealed Ava: Your lips are Ava: 😈 James: if that means yours have to be described as 😇 I'm fine with it Ava: See? Ava: You're too good with words James: they're a very prominent feature, I couldn't help but notice Ava: I like that you notice Ava: Do it some more James: because I'm not sure I could stop if you didn't like it, it's a relief that you do Ava: Don't stop Ava: then I don't have to either James: very fair Ava: 😇 James: how far can we push that angelic streak to one side because I'm here early James: can you leave? Ava: Lessons are barely real at this point in the summer term and it isn't as if I've been paying any attention all day so Ava: Give me 10 to 'fake' needing to go lie down James: I'm not having any PTSD symptoms from being here quite yet James: take as long as you require Ava: Honestly Ava: Least it is undeniably too hot for the blazer so I won't trigger you into leaving without me James: I'm undeniably sure the way you wear it wouldn't make me wanna leave Ava: God, you are so distracting and fully aware what you're doing to me right now James: in 10 minutes, or preferably less, you'll have a car to lie down in should you suddenly really need to James: meaning I regret nothing Ava: Bad man Ava: The blush is admittedly helping my case here James: I'm not gonna lie & say if you aren't still wearing that I'll go without you but James: I do want to see it Ava: I'd say there's 0% chance of you not seeing it and a full 100% of me being unable to hide it James: 🍅 right, of course Ava: The dangers of being pale Ava: why I need this tan Ava: obviously James: how far does it go? is 😳 going to colour in your tan lines like a modern art piece James: if so that's a must for my book cover Ava: Well now we have to see how inspiring you find it Ava: even if you can't take any 📸 James: physically no, but mentally I'll take so many Ava: You're too pretty for photographs anyway Ava: you don't even look real in person James: how can you say that about another person when you look like you belong on a chapel ceiling or somewhere equally beautifully crafted? Ava: I Ava: I'm just Ava: on my way James: you can't miss me, the engine's on & the song choices are questionable James: it's very low profile Ava: Got to get the driver onboard, for future 126s James: I'll ask him if he has any knowledge of the Twilight soundtrack Ava: 😂 Ava: It goes hard, FYI James: he looked at me like he's a believer about that James: absolute Ava: Then we won't have to invite him to our viewing party Ava: Thank God James: it'd be taking politeness to new heights James: he is going to play it for us though Ava: I'm gonna tip him so hard James: It's taken care of by me James: you've agreed to hypothetically buy out everything in this coffee place in search of something I'll enjoy so Ava: Okay Ava: so if you're being polite then can I be slightly 😒 at his presence 'cos I really need to be alone with you right now? James: it's a reasonable request James: more so than the one I'd like to ask of you Ava: Go on Ava: There's clearly room and time for the unreasonable James: Ava, I hear how much you don't want to waste any of the borrowed time we're basically forced to be on, but can you please walk slowly for my mental picture gallery Ava: [Does, obviously] James: [😍 clearly as the twilight soundtrack begins to blast from this vehicle so casually] Ava: [and what a mental image that is, doing a mini run at the end 'cos excitement and nerves] James: [it's fine cos we all know he'd have to resist the urge to lowkey drag her into the car despite what he said, looking like you're getting snatched from the school gates lol] Ava: [thank God your teachers are useless and we can but hope there's no window some kid is staring that hard out] James: [just staring at her taking all those mental 📷s again though as soon as she's in] Ava: [the blush is so real and she knows it] James: [if she's blushing already wait until the kiss he initiates because obvs it'd be as hardcore as their first one but like it'd be so much more intense not only cos he wants her more but also because he wants more time to do this now. Everything would be so slow and deliberate like he's gotta savour every possible way he can kiss her and every possible tiny reaction each thing he does has] Ava: [well enjoy boy because she will be dying in all the ways like there's no hiding from the casual anticipation that has built up here] James: [they both just die there and then #plot twist] Ava: [or this driver reports you 'cos you've just picked up someone from school and started getting it on lmao, luckily you not being paid to think so shh] James: [oh my god imagine, please just drive and groove to the epic bops thank you sir] Ava: [she's 17 now we're so fine lollol] James: [he does not know that but I hope James does] Ava: [he's done a stalk, her bday wasn't that long ago in the feed] James: [true, I hope you had an epic bday babe] Ava: [no doubt baby, so we've got a pretty good plan of their afternoon plans, is there anything else we wanna say went down?] James: [good question, realistically they'd probably run out of time but also I am highkey so I'm like give them forever lol] Ava: [I assume he usually picks Jay up from School 'cos unless Chloe wanna turnt up at the gates why would she, so that'd be 3.30 say so they've got from 1ish, Chloe would still have the baby and thinks he's in class so we do have a fair whack of time] James: [not gonna let you waste all of that trying everything on a coffee shop menu, don't worry guys] Ava: [although a moment you need all the moments] James: [gotta find him something he genuinely likes cos his missus be ordering for him everywhere they go] Ava: [oat milk flat white] James: [chin chin gals] Ava: [But yeah I don't think we need a Chloe interruption this time 'cos he'll have a time he has to go anyway so suck it bitch] James: [there will be plenty of opportunities to do more of them anyway] Ava: [when your wife is controlling and crazy] Ava: [I was thinking for when we get the whole 'I don't think Jay is his' moment rolling, maybe if she finds out he's cheating again or whatever she does the typical 'she ain't even yours!' and maybe she's done it before so James just thinks she's bullshitting 'cos she's crazy but Ava is like hmm shall we like explore that though 'cos it's not 'neither of them are yours' it's always just Jay] James: [that is actually perfect though] Ava: ['cos it can escalate when she inevitably finds out it's Ava 'cos sleuthing or maybe at some point they wanna be out 'cos fuck it and she's taking it way more personal than any other girl and it's like why though so then the Buster link can come out even if she accidentally drops it 'cos so mad] James: [we all know Chloe is that bitch 100%] Ava: [🙌] James: [do we wanna do any more convo like once he had to leave or shall we post it and move on] Ava: [I'll do a lil bit 'cos straightforward, highkey and cute tbh] James: [allowing it] Ava: I hope I didn't make you late at all Ava: and that your girls like the Twilight soundtrack James: if they don't they've inherited their mother's bad taste & they've got bigger problems ahead than me being a few minutes late Ava: Obviously Ava: but I'm just saying, don't be too disappointed, no one can like it as much as you 😏 James: I don't believe that you don't like it as much as me Ava: It is more than just a hypothetical that I enjoyed myself Ava: soundtrack included but not my favourite part James: I couldn't possibly be disappointed by anything else knowing that Ava: Disappointment is not in my vocabulary right now James: you won't need to add it back in on my behalf Ava: I believe that James: when can I see you again? Ava: You tell me Ava: There are four more films James: 4? Ava: They split the last book into two, such a gimmick but you know James: I promise not to do that when I write yours Ava: Well, if I get to play myself maybe I won't mind the exposure 🤔 James: I'm not sure that I want to play myself James: in which case I would mind the increased screentime you'd then have with whoever does Ava: There's no finding anyone else with eyes as blue as yours Ava: Gonna blow the special effects budget James: 😂 Ava: I'm so serious Ava: and jealous James: I'll describe your eyes as bluer & your skin as more tan, if you like Ava: I like your candor, remember Ava: More than I'd like to be remembered as tanned and having the bluest eyes James: I'd like to remember you exactly as you are Ava: Don't say we have to leave it that long to see each other again James: not quite Ava: My parents have a 4-day business trip Fri-Mon, you could come over at some point then? James: the weekend is not going to happen but I can make Monday work James: Friday possibly Ava: Okay Ava: Not quite coffee shop level but we've got all sorts for you to try out James: you sounded like your brother then, almost James: not that he's ever propositioned me in exactly the same way Ava: Awkward Ava: I'll try and avoid that then😬😂 James: awkward will be if your parents haven't decorated since I was last there Ava: Thankfully they have Ava: and I haven't insisted on taking his room James: or your sister's? Ava: Spent loads of time in there too? Ava: no, I've got my own room James: not with her, obviously James: but you know how parties tend to overspill into every room Ava: 'Course James: are you going to have one? Ava: Undecided Ava: I'll have some people over at the weekend but it might be pretty chill James: is Teddy included in the some people? Ava: I don't know Ava: Would you like him not to be or? James: I don't know Ava: I get that it could be weird Ava: It's strange thinking how close you used to be with Buster James: but that was basically another life James: for me & for him Ava: Yeah Ava: well, I don't have to invite him, like I said, I don't even know what I fancy doing yet James: it's up to you Ava: I know Ava: It's James: it's not my business, Ava James: I shouldn't have asked Ava: No Ava: It's not not Ava: I know things are complex but I don't feel bad for her, you know Ava: I don't feel bad for doing it James: me either but not only because of the no regrets thing Ava: So it just feels weird to feel like guilty or something around your brother when I'm not Ava: He doesn't need to know and won't but it doesn't need to be any weirder than it would be if I dated any of my friend's siblings under more 'normal' circumstances James: understood Ava: Yeah? Ava: It's hard to explain James: I'm following it Ava: Not saying we are dating or Ava: you know James: I can't have a girlfriend, but if I could Ava: Really James: you'd be a good choice Ava: but I ain't James: why not? Ava: I don't know Ava: never mind James: Ava Ava: Ignore me, I don't know what I mean Ava: It's not important James: I don't want to ignore you Ava: Okay Ava: but we can talk about other things James: any topic you want Ava: Hmm Ava: Tempting but vague James: I assumed you'd prefer it over boring & specific Ava: A fair assumption Ava: What are you doing tonight though, ell me about your boring and specific James: I can't pinpoint specific dad duties as such, not with these two James: I could be gluing a doll house back together or walking an imaginary dog Ava: A handyman and a dogwalker Ava: either way, never a dull moment James: & that's without factoring in the possibility I could be dragged to a dinner party or subjected to guests arriving expecting champagne & nibbles with no prior knowledge or warning James: on any night James: how are you spending yours? Ava: Of course Ava: Expect no less from this town's leading socialite Ava: I've been summoned to a catch-up and 'homework' sesh as I didn't get back for last period Ava: the amount of messages, assumedly missed the second coming 🤷 James: I'm surprised you're not assumed to be too 'sick' to go James: maybe you shouldn't play yourself in my film either Ava: 😧 Ava: Um rude Ava: Maybe you need to try harder to make me 🍅 James: starting Friday or starting now? James: because how I would in person is not what I'm going to be able to do here Ava: Admittedly both sound intriguing James: so let's do both James: [sends her some kind of 💣🔥 sext because words are all they have as we all know what'll happen if you start sending pics, then she will and it's a whole dangerous thing] Ava: Oh Ava: and I was trying to avoid the cliche of telling you I missed you already James: there's no need to dismiss every cliche off hand James: some of them are good Ava: Some of them are very good Ava: remember when you write your book James: you'll remind me, right? James: I think we can assume too that writer's block isn't one of the enjoyable cliches Ava: I'll do my best Ava: Some protagonist I'd be otherwise James: very fair James: I'll do mine, in turn Ava: I have every faith in your way with words Ava: You've not gone wrong there yet James: [sends her another text because why not obvs, not like you're a busy man with a fam having an affair or anything] Ava: [God bless the multitask] Ava: James James: yes? Ava: It's going to be a really hard wait 'til Monday James: I'll fit you in Friday James: even if it's only an hour Ava: If you're gonna make it sound like a dentist appointment 😏 James: not the most original excuse but it'd still get you out of school Ava: Cheek 😂 Ava: My excuses are A* James: I don't doubt it James: but I don't want to find out by having you use any on me Ava: Just for you James: okay James: there's no excuses needed to keep posting selfies, is there? so I'll see you every day until Friday actually Ava: Of course Ava: Be dead suspect if I didn't tbh Ava: Can you post one? Ava: Even if you're in the background fulfilling whatever role is required at that precise moment James: for you, I will Ava: 😊 James: look out for it Ava: No.1 fan right here James: you're joking but you're not wrong Ava: Am I? 👀🤔 James: aren't you? Ava: I'll never tell Ava: Got to keep some mystery or who's gonna want to turn the page James: oh you want a mystery at the heart of this James: I see Ava: Does that not gel with your plan for the plot? James: I'll incorporate it after a quick brainstorm Ava: Hot James: 😈 Ava: Mhmm James: you're hot, I'm just lucky Ava: How so? James: to get to spend any time with you Ava: Oh please Ava: You're very good company James: most people are capable of being for a few hours Ava: Who do you know? Ava: Have to introduce me 😏 James: 😂 do you mind if I don't? Ava: I think I'll manage James: I'm happy to hear it Ava: For now, I need to be filled in on the gossip Ava: tell you if any of it is story-worthy James: do your work too please James: I'd like to follow you to a good uni Ava: Are you telling me what to do now? Ava: Don't hate that James: it's a nicely worded suggestion for now Ava: Noted 😇 James: you're going to be good then? Ava: I promised I'd be no trouble James: I know you did Ava: And I'll try really, really hard to keep that promise Ava: even if you make that difficult James: I'm trying really hard not to get in the car & come find you James: I don't think I have to tell you how difficult that is Ava: Damn responsibilities Ava: We can have all Monday though Ava: think about that when it gets tough Ava: I will James: I am Ava: 💙

[pbandjesse]

I love my scarf so much. I did not actually wear it outside at the house. I wear a jacket. But I've had that scarf on pretty much all day. It is the best scarf even if it sheds a lot.

Today was a good day I did not accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish but I did a lot. I slept really well last night. Had very bizarre dreams. But I got up and felt good. I woke up and had biscuits for breakfast. Got dressed and walk to the grocery store. I brought my grandma card and bought lots of food for the week. I am trying to eat at home more this week. Especially since my hours are very weird. I wandered around for a bit and then went home. I am packed everything and then I had it over to Eddie's to get a couple things I can't get at streets Market. I biked over to Eddie's though and was only there for a couple minutes. I still need to get milk and I'll probably have to get eggs at some point but for now it's fine. I used my heart boiled egg cooker to while I was gone and didn't check the eggs but I'm assuming they're okay. I'm very excited about my hard-boiled egg maker though and I really hope that I can figure out the best time frame to leave them in there to cook.

Once I got everything unpacked I made lunch. I rested for a little while and made some plans. And then I headed out to go catch the bus. I left a little bit earlier than I really need to because I wanted to get the earlier bus just in case. I think I am going to be able to get away with getting the 12:30 bus. But just so that I get used to when I'm getting off going 20 minutes early. It's nice that that bus runs so often though.

It was nice and sunny out. There's a chill in the air but I was never uncomfortable or anything. In either direction. Hot or cold. I had a nice talk with an old man at the bus stop. And then the bus came. And it was a nice ride. It's like a 25-minute ride and it's very comfortable. I got up to Wildwood and like I said I was like a half an hour early. So I walked around the neighborhood.

The neighborhood very much reminds me of Mayfair in Philadelphia. It's mostly row houses with little front yards. Lot of Old Stone. In the direct neighborhood it's all houses in churches. There's not even a corner store. I think maybe at some point I'll try to wander out a little bit farther and see if there's somewhere to eat. Now that I really plan on it but just in case something happens and I have to get something close by.

When I got there Fitsum was already there and said that Tiffany wasn't in yet. So we sat in the waiting room and talked. We accidentally both were wearing the same outfit. Well not exactly. We're both wearing brown jackets and are in shirts. And I made us laugh. It seems like we are going to be together but it's still unclear at this point. I hope we do though because he's a sweetheart. Tiffany came and found us because it turned out she was there. But it was no big deal. We went back to your office and did a bunch of paperwork. Went through how are lesson plan is going to work. And I feel so excited about it. I was pretty nervous at first but now that all my questions are answered I'm like excited. And I have so many ideas. I've written 8 months of vague themes and topics in my tablet. I think I'm just going to keep everything on my Google Drive since now I paid for it for the year anyway. I was considering getting a Chromebook since I'm going to have to be doing a lot of writing. But instead since my tablet doesn't work very well I just decided to buy a Bluetooth keyboard for it. So that should be here on Thursday. And then I can actually do my lesson plans for real. I feel very excited.

We just did a lot of going through packets and making sure all of our paperwork was good and it was just nice to be able to honestly answer questions and not have to feel silly for wanting clarity. I got my direct deposit setup and we have to take 15 hours of professional development courses over the school year. And so she help me setup my account for that. And I was able to get into the CPR first aid training class on Friday morning. So I get my first three hours of PD in and I'm excited to have that certificate my record. Even though it was a little bit of a hassle trying to figure out how to make an account for some reason. They make it like all secret like.

After we finished all of her paperwork and spent a lot of time discussing how things go. We did another walk around the building. This time we actually got to meet the other teachers that we may be working with or will be the team with the 5th graders. They were both really nice and I would be equally as excited to work with them. I think it might be nice though to have a blank slate with the new class with fitsum and there won't be a weird power Dynamic there. Of having a current teacher and a new teacher. But regardless the students were there too. They were all so sweet. They liked my jacket and they asked me if I could teach him how to sew and they asked me about other different projects that they were interested in doing. And it was just so cool they were so engaged and so sweet. I'm really excited to get to work with them. There was a couple big personalities but in the best ways. I'm very excited for this opportunity. I really think that this is going to be the exact thing I've been looking for. The rest of my jobs and lives are going to have to sort themselves out. Maybe I'll slow down my work at the BMI and take my mornings for myself. Or maybe I won't and maybe I'll still do exactly what I'm doing now. I just don't want to burn out. I want to really enjoy being able to teach and museums and do all the things that I do. But today really made me excited for going forward.

Fitsum was nice enough to give me a ride again. I'm going to have to figure out a way to tell him I will give him money. Because him giving me a ride back is saving me like $16 every time. It's like even if I throw him like 20 bucks a week or something. It would be worth it to me. You also just lose them walking into my apartment though so I think he just it is being kind and just giving you rides. But I don't want to take advantage he's so nice. I really just hope that we become friends too cuz I think he's a really cool guy. He was telling me some about working in Ethiopia and the culture there. And I'm curious to learn more.

Once I got home I have kind of a going back and forth doing things all night. I watched the new Shane Dawson documentary series. And I ate snacks. I've been eating snacks all night. I work in my studio for a while. I played with the new Furbys. They both had some corrosion inside of them from their batteries leaking so I had to clean that up with vinegar. But they're both working just fine and they were chatting with each other. They do make that high-pitched screeching sound that I read about. So I may take them apart and disconnect the wires. Honestly I might disconnect all of their speaking wires because I'm not super a fan of their voices. But I still think they're very cute. I like the way that they move they're very active. So I think painting with them is going to be really interesting.

I talked to James for a little while he's at his apartment having a D&D night. I think I just have too much social anxiety to participate. I told him I would be a guest are at some point but I just don't know if I could play with them and feel comfortable enough to do it. But we'll see I don't know. I like doing it one on one with James that one time though I hope we can do that again cuz I did enjoy that.

I did fall down the stairs. I hurt my hand a little bit but I'm okay. I mostly just scared me. I took a shower and wash my hair. And it's just chilling at my apartment and I'm wearing Chenille socks and leggings and I feel very cozy. I think I'm going to switch my stuff for work into my new work tote bag. That I have gotten from my causebox. It's such a pretty bag and I think it's going to be perfect for carrying all my papers and things. And it stands so I feel like if it gets paint on it and stuff it'll be cool. I think now though I'm going to start winding down for bed. I have to wake up early tomorrow and try to get some more done. And then I have to go over to Northern Parkway to get my fingerprints done for the city to get an ID and a background check. And then I have to go to Wildwood at 12:30 for staff meeting. I'm very excited for that I think it's going to be very fun. I'm excited too more formally meet everyone. So I hope it's just another really nice day. I hope you guys all have a great night and sleep well. Be safe out there. Be kind

[ride-a-dolan]

“I Hate That I Love You” (E. Dolan Fic) Part 5

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Enjoy part 5 my loves 💜

Warnings ⚠️: Just some harassment, but not much.

Master List

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"How did detention go?" Ashlee asks the second I walk inside. I sit down on my bed, well more like collapse, and groan. "So it was bad huh? What did he do?"

"Well at first it was okay because the teacher was in there. Well when we had about ten minutes left the teacher had to go help another teacher with something, Ethan made one of his friends cause trouble to get the teacher out. So when he left Ethan stood up and locked the door. I immediately stood and up backed away from him because he was walking towards me. He backed me up against a wall." I start explaining.

"He backed you up against a wall?" she asks appalled.

"Oh there's more. So he started saying that he needed to teach me a lesson about smarting off to people so of course I smarted off again to him and he pinned my arms up against the wall. I knew that I needed to get away from him so I bit my lip causing him to get confused. He loosened his grip enough for me to use all my strength and shove him and took off running." I tell her.

"You hit him! Oh my god." Ashlee squeals.

I nod and continue talking. "Yeah so I ran off and Gray stopped me. Ethan told him to so while I was trying to talk Grayson into letting me go, but Ethan caught up to us. He was so mad. He ordered Grayson to leave and started walking towards me. I thought that maybe I could make it the rest of the way to the dorm so I ran again but he is way faster than me. He grabbed my arm and yanked me towards him making me crash into his chest making us both fall to the ground. I was on top of him Ashlee and our faces were inches from each other."

"What happened next?"

"I tried to get up but he just pulled me back down and warned me never to hit him or run away from him again." I finish telling her.

"He didn't do anything else to you?" I shake my head no. "That's weird." Ashlee states.

"Yeah I know and it makes me scared of what he will do when he sees me again." I admit.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure everything will be ok." she says. I just nod. I lie down and settle in for the night. All I can think about is Ethan and what he will do to me for hitting him. I don't want to go to class tomorrow or the rest of the week. I don't want to deal with him. I'm at the point where I am truly freaking out and the thing that scares me the most isn't even if he will hurt me but what I thought about earlier. That I want him to like me. Why would I even think that? I think I know the reason but I don't want to admit it to myself because it can't be true.

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The rest of the week goes by normally. Ethan is at my locker every day to pick on me. He knocks into me, stares me now. He's even started to mess/play with my hair in Chemistry. A few times he even trapped me against the lockers just to intimidate me. He knows that he does intimidate me and he enjoys it. He never does do anything worse than that though. I was expecting him to shove me or something but nope, just the same stuff he always does. His friends never try to stop him though. They all just stand back and make sure no teachers are coming. Now it's Friday almost the end of the week. I won't have to see Ethan for a few days which is fantastic.

The final bell rings and I quickly get my things and go to my locker hoping to avoid Ethan. Which I don't. He is standing at me locker waiting like always. I take a deep breath and walk up to him.

"Why are you always at my locker? It's annoying." I tell him. He just smirks at me but refuses to move. "Move." I say.

"No." He says.

“E move."

"Why should I?" He asks. Then at that moment a guy that I have never seen before walks up to us. He's cute, I see.

"Excuse me Eth, but I need to get in my locker." He says. So this is the person with the locker beside mine, I think to myself. Ethan is standing in front of this guy's locker too so he is forced to move which I think is funny. He moves out of this guy's way and stands behind me. He then bends down so he can whisper something in my ear.

"Be at my game tonight or you will be in so much trouble." He says and leaves. What the hell. He hates me why does he want me at his hockey game tonight? God Ethan is so irritating and confusing. I hate him if I haven't already mentioned that before.

"Hi." I hear someone say. I look beside of me at this guy that has just made Ethan move. He has short brown hair and brown eyes. He's cute.

"Hi." I tell him with a smile.

"I'm Dylan." He says.

"(Y/N). I tell him back.

"Ah so you're the new girl."

"Yep that's me."

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?' He asks referring to Ethan.

"Nope. Not a thing." I say and open my locker.

"Alright. So are you going to the game?" He asks.

Looks like I have to, I say to myself before answering him. "Yeah probably. My roommate will want to."

"What about the party after the game? There's always an after game party if we win which we probably will with Ethan as captain."

"I don't know about that." I say.

"Well you should come. It will be fun." Dylan says before smiling and telling me goodbye. I get my things and go back to my dorm to get ready for the game which I am apparently required to go to according to Ethan.

I get to the dorm and tell Ashlee that I will go to the game with her. We get ready and head out to the rink. I'm still wondering why on earth Ethan wants me to come to this game when he has stated that he hates me. You would think that he wouldn't want to see me there but apparently he does which is so weird to me.

"Why did you decide to come to the game?" Ashlee asks as we arrive at the rink.

"Ethan told me I had to." I admit to her.

"Why?"

"I have no idea." We go find some seats and sit down and wait for the game to begin. As we are just sitting there I see Dylan notice me and smile and walks over to us.

"Hi (Y/N)." He says and sits down beside of me.

"Hi." I tell him.

"Hey Ashlee." He greets her.

"Dylan hi! I didn't know that you and (Y/N) knew each other." Ashlee says sending me a look.

"We just met today actually." I explain to her. We all continue talking until the game starts. When our team comes out I automatically spot Ethan. He is looking at me with an expression that I can't explain. His eyes then travel over to Dylan and his face turns into anger. What? I just look away from him and try to focus on the actual sport. Hockey is so boring to me. I just don't understand it and I don't understand how it could even be fun. I don't know but I just don't like it. I definitely wouldn't be here if it weren't for Ethan making me come.

The game eventually is over and Dylan was right, we won. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Ethan the whole time. It's like my eyes were glued to him and I don't know why. I'm just so confused.

"Are you going to the party?" Dylan asks making me look away from Ethan who was celebrating with his team out on the ice.

"Um yeah I guess." I tell him.

"Okay good." He says with a smile. Does Jake like me? Who knows maybe he does. We all three get up and leave the rink and go to wherever this party is. When we do arrive loads of people are already there. This school really does love parties. Everyone is celebrating the first win of the season. This school really takes pride in their sports teams. My old school didn't really care that much about sports.

We get inside the party and Ashlee goes to find the guy she likes. I forget his name. She leaves me alone with Dylan. He just smiles at me and takes my hand in his and leads me to where everyone is dancing. He wraps his arms around my waist and the two of us start swaying to the music. Dylan is a really nice guy and I like him. Who knows in the future we could be a couple. I would like that actually. We continue dancing and having fun for a really long time. I haven't seen Ethan nor his siblings at all at this party with makes me feel better. Maybe he was tired and went back to his dorm to sleep. But you know my luck isn't that great.

I didn't notice him walk in nor did I hear him so when someone grabs Dylan and slings him to the floor I am a bit shocked. I turn around quickly to see Dylan lying flat on his back with a shocked expression on his face. Ethan is standing over him with such an angry expression. He even looks jealous.

"Stay away from her. Go it?" Ethan warns Dylan.

"And why should I? She isn't your property or anything." Dylan says back to him.

Ethan then kicks Dylan in the side and says, "Stay. Away. From. Her." I stand there speechless. What is going on? Nobody has really noticed what is going on because they are either drunk or just not bothering to pay attention. The next thing I know Ethan is dragging me outside and away from the party.

"What are you doing?" I say and try to yank my arm free.

“Just shut up and quit trying to break away from me because you won't be able to." He warns me. I try one last time but it doesn't work so I just let him drag me to where ever he is bringing me. He stops walking when we are pretty far away from the party. He just stops walking and stands there breathing hard.

"What was that about? He never did anything to you. If you want to hurt somebody then hurt me not him." I say and would continue talking but Ethan spins me around and pinning me up against a wall, he really does love doing that doesn't he? He pins my arms above my head and looks right into my eyes. The two of us just stare at each other. Your could cut the tension with a knife. Both of us are breathing hard and you can just feel the hatred between us.

“Eth, let me go." I tell him

“Just shut up (Y/N)." He growls before crushing his lips against mine roughly.

*************************************************

A/N: I told you guys EMOTION CHANGE!!! What do you think will happen next!! Inbox me!! Love you guys!! 💜

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Out and only got spotted by your nosiest neighbour Rio: 👋 Doris, don't give Nance my deets and we're sweet, babe 😙 Buster: 😂 Buster: Didn't doubt you could handle it Buster: I've had girls do it still off their heads, like so Rio: Yeah, but they probably wanna be seen Rio: think they hot shit out here laying claims by getting caught Buster: They do like to try and leave shit behind Buster: I ain't gonna call you back babe I'll just throw it out Rio: Cold 😂 Rio: Hope they ain't leaving anything worth having Buster: Feel free to go through it next time, babe Rio: 😑 Buster: Come on, we got some Chanel, YSL, all the classics Rio: I told you before, I don't want your sloppy seconds Rio: even if they branded Buster: Suit yourself Rio: That's the idea, yeah Buster: 😂 Buster: You going home? Rio: Yeah, I got hoes of my own to kick out, apparently Rio: Picking up food first 'cos priorities Buster: I would've fed you if you let me Rio: Just checked her snap and she's been having a feast so fuck it Imma treat myself Rio: No need, plus if Nance saw two lots of stuff going up, she'd wanna peep the talent coming down Buster: She don't do sloppy seconds either, don't worry Rio: Charming, not gonna insist she'd make an exception for me though 'cos weird Buster: Don't take it personal, ain't never seen her with a girl since she said she wanted one Buster: That's weird if you ask me Rio: Well, it's not like she's got unlimited options Buster: Dublin's well gay what you chatting Rio: The clubs aren't really her scene are they Rio: so that leaves her with whatever gay girls are at School, maybe they're ugly idk Buster: How does she know she doesn't like clubbing if she's never even been? Rio: I get you, but I think you can imagine being in a room with loud music and lots of sweaty drunk people without doing it, you know Buster: Whatever Buster: It's not like there's only clubs as in clubbing anyway Rio: She'll find someone, in her own cute, dorky way Rio: You should tell her 'bout it, she might not be in the know Buster: Yeah that's a convo I wanna have Rio: I'll tell her then, always in other people's business me, idc Buster: At least you said it Rio: It isn't a bad thing wanting to help people, you know Rio: if she don't want it she can tell me to fuck off, like, if she appreciates, i'll give you the credit Buster: I never said it was Buster: Well, only when I didn't mean it Rio: I mean, it's not a bad thing about you Rio: grant you, Nance probably would be weirded out on this score but you can show you care still Buster: I can't show what I don't feel Rio: Sure Buster: I get that you're about your sibs but me and her aren't like that Buster: Got more in common with the cleaner and see her more when we're both around Rio: You've not always been like that though Rio: Do you miss it? Buster: I've not always been fucking you either but that was then and this is now Rio: Yeah, things change Rio: doesn't exclude changing back, that's all Buster: There's nothing to change back Buster: We aren't kids anymore, that's all Rio: Okay Buster: I can't still hold her hand through everything and she doesn't want it, yeah? So it is what it is Buster: What are we talking about my sister anyway for? Rio: Of course not Rio: but it doesn't have to be that or nothing, like Rio: 'Cos I just had to play hide and seek with her, duh Rio: Still shook Buster: You love it Buster: Dangerous woman, like Rio: And you don't, I suppose? Rio: Everyone likes the idea of being caught, as long as it doesn't actually happen, lemme enjoy it 😜 Buster: We can let it happen, just not by her Buster: Plenty of strangers around you can get the thrill from Rio: You make it sound like it was my idea to go back to yours Rio: not my plan Buster: You make it sound like you want me to regret it Buster: I'm not sorry I can't get enough of you Rio: Me either Rio: You can be obsessed with me if you like, I won't complain Buster: I know you wouldn't Buster: You'd be moaning but not like that Rio: Promises, promises Buster: When haven't I kept one? Rio: Your records pretty good, can't lie Buster: 😏 Rio: As for the sex Rio: all wins there, spotless, like Buster: I'll put you down as 10/10 in my little black book, like Rio: I'll call you out if you give me anything less Buster: I don't need to lie to motivate you, don't worry Rio: your usual tactic, is it? Buster: I've done it Buster: Not like I've got a set strategy though Rio: Tailormade Rio: You do spoil us Buster: Aiming to please, as standard Rio: Well you've got my review now Rio: Use it as you need Buster: Cheers, babe Buster: Stick it on my apps Buster: Dates will be rolling in Rio: You're so welcome Buster: Yeah Buster: How's Inds? Rio: She's loving life but grilling me on mine Buster: What's the story now? Rio: I figured don't tell any lies but be vague Rio: not gonna get caught out Rio: never gonna assume it's you, we're golden Buster: Good Buster: Don't need her to be the one catching us for you to live you fantasy either Rio: Oh hush Rio: not totally fucked my brains out, please, make it sound like I've got some sense Buster: You better turn back around then Buster: I'll do you again Rio: Don't worry, babe, not gotta be braindead to want you 😉 Buster: Too kind Buster: Must be why I miss you already? Rio: Must be Rio: nothing to do with how great I look morning after 😜 Rio joined the chat 7 hours ago Buster: You're never gonna look as good as you do when you cum but you don't look bad, like Rio: I'll take it Rio: since we couldn't round 2 before I left and really 🏆 Buster: Since you couldn't trust yourself to stay quiet any longer, you mean Buster: When can I see you again? Rio: Didn't reckon you'd wanna risk Nance OR the cleaner hearing those adorable lil noises I get you to make Buster: Babe, come on, we both know it's really about how you want me to say your name Rio: 😳 Buster: So answer my question Rio: I've got work at 4 Rio: but sounds like I'm going to need to clean up the flat so Rio: tomorrow, maybe? Buster: I'll send the cleaner over when she's done here Buster: She's seen worse Rio: Boy, no Buster: Babe I'm joking I ain't got her as well trained as you Buster: She's not just gonna do what I tell her Rio: She better not Rio: and you better stop Buster: Stop what? Rio: I don't know Rio: stop being so distracting Buster: If I was trying to be distracting you wouldn't be able to ask me to stop Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah, baby? Rio: You're making me wish I never left Buster: Then come back Buster: Whenever you can Rio: How am I supposed to wanna get anything done when you exist and I could be fucking you instead? Rio: Might still have a brain but I got no sense Buster: When your break? Call me and I'll come find you Rio: Usually take it like 8, before the night crowd comes in and shit gets hectic Buster: Alright Rio: just me and the 'quick one after work' knobheads 'til then Buster: Is that you saying you need me to entertain you? Rio: Don't let it go to your head Rio: but sure even you've got better craic than the bankers, christ 🙄 Buster: I can easily promise it's not my head it'll go to Buster: Especially if you keep giving me compliments like that 😂 Rio: 😂 Rio: Watch this Guinness be ALL head if you're gonna make my thoughts wander like that Rio: soz lads Buster: I can't help it, you're such a sweet talker, Cavante Buster: The punters won't blame me, sure they know it Rio: You know Rio: If I'm gonna serve shit pints, gotta be the best barmaid some other way Buster: Nobody can take that from you whilst they're also taking those shit pints Rio: Exactly Rio: Tell me we should share the tips out evenly again, Tina Rio: put in half my work and we'll talk, babe Buster: I've seen her, she's got no room to be trying to tell you anything Rio: Ain't heard I'm 👵 obvs and reckons just 'cos she's got 20 years and double the pounds on me she can tell me shit Buster: 😂 Rio: God, I can hear myself btw Rio: Not the moaning anyone is after but at least I'm saving a poor punter by doing it digitally Rio: you can always leave me on read Buster: you wish, babe Buster: You think you're suffering now wait until I properly start distracting you Rio: Please Rio: Wait 'til you go Home and I'm racking up airmiles like no one's business Buster: Technically I am home, just the 2nd Buster: I can stay as long as I want Rio: Well, 'til September Rio: really got me out here feeling like a pervert, McKenna 😏 Buster: The uniform not one of your fantasies then? Got it Rio: Not's a bit strong Rio: all about that role reversal, doing it for my sistas, obvs Buster: I'll just bring the tie then Buster: See I can't make you change your mind Rio: 🤤 Rio: One way to make me stay, babe Rio: 👀 you Buster: I've got plenty of others too, like, you'll see Buster: There's no way you'll be ready to go anywhere Rio: I wasn't ready today Rio: Stupid life and other people Buster: You can say it, sisters. who'd have 'em, right? Buster: Couldn't let me be an only child, like Rio: 😂 Chat to me when you've got 5 Rio: Poor Nance, I can't kick her out her own gaff and you couldn't kick her out the womb, like Buster: I did try, on both counts so it's your turn to be fair Rio: I'm good, not sure I'm THAT good Rio: arrange a playdate for her and June like 👋 Buster: She'd love it Buster: Those two sneak around together more than us Buster: Never out the corners at fam functions Rio: Bless them Rio: Gutted they ain't straight so they can't do it forever, like Buster: They might Buster: Not like either of them are hooking up with anyone Rio: How do you know? Rio: Sneaky, like you said Rio: didn't bump into any babes on the stairs but Buster: Shut up Rio: Awh babe Rio: 😚 Buster: Don't Buster: Anyway you're at school with her, you'd know Rio: Yeah but I've been slipping lately Rio: well out the loop Buster: I can get her and put her on if you want a catch up, like Rio: Didn't say I was mad about it Rio: love her like but, you're more fun Buster: I better be Buster: Don't be trying it on with my twin, cheers Rio: Don't be gross 😂 Buster: Thank Christ I don't have an identical brother Buster: Still the hot one, like, but closer race Rio: Willing to kick it that cliche, not too proud Rio: maybe he'd have a great personality tho Buster: Yeah 'cause who wants a shy ginger lesbian Buster: Unlucky Nance Rio: Stop being rude, honestly Rio: She's beautiful, I just don't fancy her myself, like Buster: Shut up, she looks like my mum, you gonna say you would? Rio: So do you though 😂 Rio: Strong genes and a strong lewk 👌 Buster: Seriously, draw the line at working your way through my fam, yeah? Buster: Stop yourself Rio: I think I'll manage Buster: Cheers Rio: You're still my favourite, don't worry Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause you're mine Rio: 😋 Rio: Gonna be smug about it Rio: not just 'cause it means i get you all to myself but 'cos that makes my odds shit hot, like, damn i'm 🔥 Buster: You can be Buster: You know I don't wait for anyone, they come to me Buster: And I don't jump through this many hoops to fuck a girl either Buster: I'm breaking all my rules for you Rio: Yeah, not to mention the unspoken one we both are Rio: Worth it though, yeah baby? Buster: Yeah Buster: You know it Rio: Yeah I do Rio: I still want reminding Buster: Me too Buster: Nance may have done it first but still tempted to play her game and leave my London life like Buster: You'd miss the uniform, obviously, but I'd make it up to you Rio: 😏 Rio: The pipes are calling, boy 🍀 Rio: What Unis are you applying to anyway? Buster: The best of course Rio: Expect no less Rio: Could end up anywhere then Buster: Yeah Buster: If only to piss Nance off like Buster: I'm tempted to be here 😂 Buster: No other reasons Rio: 'Course Rio: Whatever motivates you 😉 Buster: 😏 Buster: I won't be getting top marks if I keep letting you distract me though Buster: Well, not at school at least Rio: We already got plans for you, me and your desk Rio: You got this Buster: Don't put them in my head when you haven't scheduled them in yet Buster: Fuck Rio: Gotta, then you'll be wanting to study ALL the time Rio: not gonna give you room to say I drag you down, boy Buster: But I wanna give you all the room to drag my head or my hands down if that's how you want it Rio: Baby Rio: you're killing me Buster: Not yet Rio: You are though Rio: don't even have to touch me and I'm there Buster: I'm there with you, babe Rio: Good 'cos my break ain't long and I want to cum with you Buster: It'll be long enough to me to cum with you and make you cum again for me Buster: Don't worry Rio: I'm not Rio: You're so good to me Buster: You're just so good, end of Rio: Do my best Buster: I know Rio: Only for you, though Buster: Good Buster: I'll fight for you if I have to but Buster: You're all about this cute face so Rio: Yes, boy! 😍👏😂 Rio: Keep it in the ring Buster: Should hit the gym today really Rio: Think I've worked you out enough you don't need to be too worried Rio: do it for the 'gram tho Buster: It's better than the one at home too, one thing Dublin does right Rio: You love it Rio: so 💚 Rio: get sweaty Buster: 🍀 Buster: Shame you won't be with me Rio: Honestly Rio: no chance of me keeping up on that score but catch me out here like 🤤 you want me to spot you??? come bench press up on me daddy! 💦😍 Buster: Well now that's all I want Rio: Same Rio: Gutted Buster: Fuck tomorrow, give me tonight Buster: I don't care how late you're working Rio: Fuck Rio: Yeah, okay Rio: Can be home before Inds wakes up, that Summer life got her sleeping 'til tea time basically so Rio: why not, I need it Buster: If you don't want to come back here again, I'll book us a room Rio: I don't care either way, down to sneak and be good for you if I have to Rio: but if you wanna hear how you're making me feel properly then Buster: Christ Buster: You're so fucking sexy Rio: It's how you've got me Buster: I wanna hear everything. I don't know how I got this far not having you any time I want Buster: We should've been doing this for so much longer Rio: I know Rio: now all I wanna do is be your little fuck doll Rio: make up for the lost time and then some Buster: I need it Buster: I need you Rio: Go get all worked up for me, baby Rio: then you can come and take all your frustrations out on my body Buster: You're gonna be the death of me, Cavante Buster: You know that, yeah? Rio: If that's how I gotta go Rio: I'm not mad about it Buster: I'm only mad when I can't have you Buster: And nobody can blame me for that, like Rio: I'll keep you smiling Buster: 😏 Rio: Welcome, world Rio: that little face 😚 Buster: You're an idiot Rio: Ha, you love it Buster: Yeah Rio: Drew's here Rio: What does Ro think he does all day, genuine question? Buster: What? Buster: Are you joking? Rio: No? Buster: Embracing that sad old man stereotype Buster: What's he want? Rio: Just a drink, I guess Buster: He can get a drink anywhere Buster: And with Indie, like Rio: Not if I'm serving 😂 ain't getting the sack for her Buster: You know what I mean Buster: He's there 'cause you're serving Buster: Without her Rio: Nah Buster: Babe, yeah. How are you looking today? Catch yourself on Rio: Not special enough to make a point of it Rio: no doubt got loads of customers 'round here Buster: We'll see Buster: I bet he'll come at you with his chat Rio: It's chill Buster: Says you Rio: What? Buster: Don't you want you and Indie to stay good Rio: Of course Rio: but she don't need me to be drama about it Rio: it's fine, I've got it handled Buster: She don't need her dad staring at your tits but it's still happening Rio: So that's my fault is it? Rio: Find my cardigan hold on Buster: I'm not saying it's your fault Buster: I'm just saying tell him to fuck off Rio: and I'm saying I can't Rio: not when he's just being friendly Buster: Bullshit is he Rio: Please don't make a fuss Rio: I'll just pretend I've gotta go change barrels or something, sure he'll be gone before I'm back Buster: I ain't, I'm reacting how you should be Buster: If one of your friends was like this with Indie you'd lose it and he's a grown man Rio: That's different, not like he's a random Rio: it's just Drew, s'what he's like Buster: Yeah it's different, it's worse Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: It doesn't matter, it doesn't worry me Rio: just forget I said it, yeah Buster: No Buster: If he was like that with my sister he'd be fucking dead Buster: And I don't even like her Rio: Yeah, he's a bit of a dick but Rio: what can we do? He's always gonna be around, like Rio: just gotta deal Buster: I could tell my aunt, for a start Buster: Or my mum Buster: Or yours Buster: I can't kill him but they would Rio: Well, don't do that Rio: Nothing's happened, I can't be out here saying it has Buster: Yet Buster: And look where saying nothing about Ryan got you Rio: That's completely different Rio: and has nothing to do with this Buster: Yeah but the point's valid Buster: How bad to you want things to be before you admit it is Rio: Nothing's going to happen Rio: I'm not going to let it, even if that is what he had in mind Buster: I know you don't want it to, that's what I'm saying Rio: He's not that dodgy Rio: we're fine, trust Buster: It's not you I don't trust Buster: He shouldn't even be looking at you like that Buster: It's fucked Rio: Can't expect him not to, yeah? Rio: kinda my vibe, how I dress Buster: Don't Buster: I mean it, it's not your fault Buster: It's mine for being jealous Rio: Nah, you've got some points Rio: I just don't know what to do with them Rio: and idc if you're jealous, just get to prove you don't have to be Buster: I just hate him thinking of you how I do Rio: I know Rio: I don't want that either Buster: Why can't he just leave? Do everyone a favor like Rio: Go where? Rio: Only leaves to go Prison, like Buster: I don't care and who else would, anywhere that ain't here Rio: Indie would Rio: still her Dad, even if he don't act it Buster: Yeah but you know it'd work out better for her in the end if he wasn't around Buster: She'd smoke less if nothing else Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Rio: you reckon he'd've been kneecapped by now Rio: definition of 🍀 Buster: Tempted to do the honors for him Buster: Cunt Rio: I know you're being serious right now Rio: but it's hot Buster: I know you don't need me to but I'll still protect you, babe Buster: Like you said before, there's so much lost time Buster: If I'd got my act together before you wouldn't have to deal with Ryan Rio: Babe Rio: You don't need to feel bad about that one, not like you could've done anything about that Buster: I know Buster: Sorry Rio: Shh Rio: You don't need to be sorry either Buster: We'll just forget it, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Already have Rio: Only you on my mind, I've told you Buster: Thank fuck you can't tell anyone what a twat I am Buster: Secret's safe like Rio: Promise Rio: I like having it just for me too much Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Show me all the shit no one else gets to see Rio: I want it all Buster: You've got it, babe Buster: Can I come and see you if I promise not to knock Drew out Buster: I know it's ages until your break but Rio: 'Course Buster: I'll fit right in, won't I 😂 Rio: Totally Rio: so in touch with your roots rn, babe 🍀 Buster: Is that why you're so hot for me? Buster: I'll do the accent if it helps Rio: Nah, sick of locals Rio: I like yours, can close my eyes, pretend it's Prince Harry 😉 Buster: Fuck off Buster: I knew you had a thing for gingers Rio: 😂 knew you'd say that Rio: it was that or having a thing for receeding hairlines so Rio: i made the best choice i could tah Buster: You've already made it, just keep your eyes open and be with me Rio: 😍 Rio: can't even be mad Rio: that was smooth Buster: Yeah, well Buster: I am Buster: And I'm getting ready so what do I wear for this shithole? Rio: Since you've promised no fighting, don't have to worry 'bout blood stains Rio: Just jeans and a button-down would cut it, no need to go OTT Buster: Unless you've got some kind of vampire fantasy on your list, like Rio: It ain't 2009 Rio: though you've got the hair and the abs Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'm way sexier than that twat Rio: 😂 Rio: You gonna be jealous of Edward Cullen now? Buster: Like I said, I don't need to be Rio: What happened to him anyway Buster: Maybe he'll stop buy for a pint of your finest Rio: Ooh Rio: I can only hope so Buster: 😒 Rio: 😘 Buster: Alright I look good Buster: On my way Rio: 🙌💃 Buster: [Sends a selfie that's not as posey and just generally better than his insta snap] Rio: okay you cannot be coming in here looking like that Rio: imma die 😍 also have to jump you immediately sorry Buster: Babe, I'm out the door I can't be running back to change now Rio: Don't you look so fine Rio: gotta practice being stealth appreciating Buster: Practice all you want but how you look at me is already perfect Buster: I don't care if a few old blokes know how that I wanna bend you over the bar Rio: PLEASE Rio: So sad I ain't closing now but not 'cos we're still gonna have fun Buster: You'll forget all about what could've been in a second 'cause I'm not far