#working on propellers rn i promise

[vitalvitriol]

ARE THEY....... YOU KNOW.......

[angelbaby-fics]

Ur finally opend ur request again yayyyyyy

So I'm very sick rn and I thought of daddy stucky x little reader x little Peter where she is sick but they dont notice it until they are at the avenger tower and she fell asleep while playing with her stuffys and her friends and Peter goes to daddy buck and is like "daddy tiny fell asleep" and he is like huh again? And then they found out that she's sick 🥺

Daycare Dilemma

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: What a precious idea 🥺 I love older brother Peter & I love that you guys do too 💕 I changed up the request just slightly but I hope you still love it!! 💕

The day started just as well as any other day. You had breakfast with your family at the kitchen table, one of Steve’s records playing softly in the corner of the room while Bucky cut your pancake into bite-size pieces. Peter’s spoon chimed against his bowl as he shoveled sugary cereal into his mouth. The sun was a bit bright on your sleepy eyes, but aside from that you couldn’t complain. The mornings were your favorite part of the day anyways. 

Syrupy pancake bites scratched down your throat, but you chalked it up to having just woken up. Even Bucky could tell you were taking a bit longer than usual to perk up that morning, and he rubbed your back reassuringly as you took some sips from your water cup. You usually sat in your own chair, but today you ate breakfast in Bucky’s lap. He and Steve had some business to attend to at the compound so he soaked up every moment with you before he had to go to work. 

Thankfully, the compound had a daycare center not far from the meeting rooms, so they knew you and Peter would be in good hands while they were busy. Mr. Stark had spared no expense on all the amenities a kid could dream up and then some. There was a massive indoor playground with swirling slides that led outside the building into the courtyard garden, a motorized swing set that took you far higher than the swings at any park you’d been to, and a trampoline built right into the floor, surrounded by soft plush barriers to minimize injury. Staff members were always available for the kiddos that needed more hands on supervision, while F.R.I.D.A.Y. kept track of the more independant little ones. 

You often looked forward to getting to spend time there, but today, all you really wanted to do was stay curled up in Bucky’s arms. Steve could barely keep Peter’s hand in his as you all approached the daycare entrance, the boy’s excitement practically propelling him towards the door. Yours and Peter’s backpacks were slung over Steve’s shoulder, while Bucky focussed all his energy on carrying you. He could tell you were quiet, and clingier than usual; he assumed you were anxious about being separated from your daddies so soon after breakfast, and he wanted to drop everything and stay home with you. But it was a very important meeting, and a rather short one at that, and he whispered reassuringly in your ear that he’d be back before you knew it to snuggle on the couch for the rest of the day. 

Bucky sat you down in the younger kids area, correctly assuming that your lack of energy today was an indicator of a smaller headspace. This area had a big tent full of pillows and blankets, a big tv, and some soft toys and stuffies strewn around for you to crawl and find. Steve came over with the backpacks, puting Peter’s in a nearby cubby, and removing the pacifier and bottle from yours before putting it in the cubby as well. Peter was long gone already, climbing up the playscape as high as he could go. You took your things from Steve with a soft smile, immediately putting your paci in your mouth and leaning up to tap it against your daddy’s lips. Then you reached out for Bucky so you could do the same for him. 

“We’ll see you soon, okay lovebug?” Bucky said softly, tugging his thumb across your cheek. 

“We won’t be long, promise. Love you, babydoll.” Steve added, and the two stood up, leaving you in the baby room as they went back out into the main room towards the exit.

“Make sure to keep an eye on your sister,” Steve called up to Peter, who was perched on the top level of the playground with an arm stretched out towards the ceiling, “And no webs indoors!”

Peter lowered his arm dejectedly, rolling his eyes as your daddies turned to leave for their meeting. At the last minute he called out “Bye Daddy! Bye Baba!”

The tv was playing Winnie The Pooh, which you liked very much, so you gathered some of the pillows and blankets to make a little nest for yourself. You weren’t hungry for your bottle yet, so you set it aside as you got yourself comfortable. The daycare felt colder than usual, and your toes were feeling like little icicles in your socks, so you pulled as many blankets as you could over yourself, just your face peeking out to watch the tv screen. Your blinks got longer and longer until eventually you were snoring softly in the confines of the tent. 

It didn’t take very long for Peter to get bored of playing by himself, and soon climbed down from the playscape to look around for you. He might have missed you all hidden in your nest if his spidey sense hadn’t suddenly picked up your raised temperature and raspy breathing. Peter bounded into the tent and couched by your side, not sure if he should wake you up and ask what's wrong, or let you rest. He looked around the room for a daycare attendant or someone he could ask for help, but he saw a familiar face instead. 

“Hey, Angel!” Steve greeted, entering the baby area while Bucky signed you out at the entrance. “Are you checking on your little sister?” The meeting had been just as short as they’d promised. 

“Baby’s sleepin’,” Peter replied with a shrug, making Steve’s eyebrows furrow.

“Again? Did she sleep the whole time?” He asked, softly brushing aside the blankets so he could caress your face. He could tell from the moment he made contact with your skin that you were running a fever. 

“Everything alright in here?” Bucky asked, joining his family. He could feel Steve’s tenseness as he entered the room.

“Looks like we’re gonna have to give this one a little extra loving when we get home,” Steve answered, scooping you up with the blanket still wrapped around you so as not to disturb your slumber. He’d wash it and return it when you were better. 

“Oh? We have a sick baby on our hands?” Bucky asked nervously, mentally kicking himself for not noticing when he was feeding you breakfast. 

Bucky gathered yours and Peter’s things while Steve rocked you back and forth in his arms. Then the four of you made your way back towards the elevator up to your home floor. When the metal doors were within sight, Bucky gave Peter the ‘okay’ to run ahead and press the buttons for all of you, one of his favorite duties. When the kid was out of earshot, Bucky leaned over to whisper to Steve, hoping you were still asleep so you wouldn’t hear his insecurities. 

“I should have noticed, Steve. She sat in my lap all morning and I just thought she was tired.”

Steve shifted you over to one arm, your slumber undisturbed as you were pressed comfortably into the side of his chest. With his now free hand, Steve reached out to hold his husband’s.

“There’s no use worrying about it now, honey,” He rubbed a reassuring thumb against Bucky’s hand. “All we can do now is give her all the love she needs. And I happen to know you’re very good at that.” 

[loolilyumm]

I am screaming. Sobbing. Girlboss and fail-wife is my favorite dynamic. The way you draw is so pretty and your colors are so good plus people who draw 3 with sanitization scars are literally so cool I mean look at acht, there’s canonical examples of it. But literally going aaaa rn because I love your ocs.

We got Reese and Margot, how about 4 and 8?

OMG AHH IM SO SOSOSO HAPPY YOU LIKE THEM..AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASKS I LOVE ANSWERING THEM!! 🫶🫶🫶

I want to yap about my agents in separate posts so this one will be all about 8!

THIS IS OLIVE! She became agent 8 in the deepsea metro and has been a super active agent in the NSS ever since! They are like family to her - she lived with Pearl and Marina for almost 3 years before moving in with Reese! (Captain/Agent 3)

She was 14 during splatoon 1, and 16 during the events of octo expansion. Now in splat 3 she is 19!

She mains the dark tetra dualies but can use any weapon. She's super fast and agile so she likes weapons that work well with her speed.

She was an elite solider in the octoling army - she had just become one before she was ambushed by Cuttlefish and agent 3 (Reese) and they all fell into the metro.

None of them ended up falling in the same area of the metro, and Olive ended up being found by Tartar’s sanitized octolings and taken to the sanitation chambers to have her memory erased.

Side tangent - I have a specific idea in mind about how octolings are sanitized. If you want to watch this video, it explains it really well - https://youtu.be/zu4czvg5ClI?si=wFz1lABgkv7hz8Wk

But TLDR, there are 2 stages of sanitization. Stage one includes being wiped of all memories. The subject then has to go through a series of tests and trials before Tartar decides what to do with them based on how well they did. Then they get either blended or brainwashed into oblivion! 😆😆 woohoo yay! J think based on the side order diaries it kind of confirmed that 8 went through that first process…it just never said how so I made that part up. Lol

ANYWAY..!!! At the same time Olive is taken, Reese wakes up and begins searching for captain Cuttlefish. He doesn’t find him, but you know what he does find??!!?!?

WHOAAA WOWWW HE FINDS OLIVE

He’s like holy cow..! That’s the girl that was just attacking me…😦 and he’s like ahhh! I gotta help her!

But by the time the two of them make it out, he realizes that it’s too late. Her memory was completely wiped. The sanitization doesn’t leave any physical effects on her except for her eyes - they turned turquoise. The same color as the sanitized ink.

The two of them needed to find a way to find cuttlefish and get out of this creepy place, so they kept moving. Pretty soon they made their way into a train station and found cuttlefish waiting for them there!! And there was also a weird telephone that told Olive she was the newest test subject - and that passing all these trials was the key to getting her memories back and getting to the “promised land.”

Reese just went along with it because he assumed that was what octolings called the surface. He wanted to be a test subject too so he could help Olive, but the phone rejected him. No inklings allowed!

She was forced to go through hundreds of rigorous tests. She wanted more than anything to get back her memories and reach paradise. As she regained more memories, she realizes how different her old life was from the kindness these inklings were showing her now (and the two people on the radio called Pearl and Marina!). It just propels her toward finishing the tests, pushing herself to her limit, doing it not just for herself but for all of them.

She forms a really deep bond with these inklings. Cuttlefish is like a grandfather to her. Reese makes her heart flutter in ways she doesn’t even understand.

As the tests go on, she regains muscle memories from her days as an elite solider. She’s good at fighting. Really good. But these tests are really hard. 8 knows she can do it, but they’re really, really hard. And all these bad memories aren’t helping.

Through blood, sweat, and tears, Olive finally collects the 4 thangs and they can finally go to the surface! She is so proud of herself and feels on top of the world. Cuttlefish and Olive take the thangs to the telephone and wait for Reese, who’s out exploring the metro (one of the things he does to take up time and secure their safety). But the telephone is telling them they gotta go NOW and they can’t wait for Reese!

Cuttlefish and Olive say nope, nope, not happening. So they are forced into the blender and AHH!! OH NO VERY BAD!! EVERYONE FLIPS OUT AND…!!!

Reese appears and THROWS HIMSELF at the blender. Surprisingly, it works. The three of them leave the telephone and super jump through the hole Reese made in the ceiling. They’re going to get to the surface themselves.

Somewhere around the 4th phase, they are ambushed by a group of sanitized octolings. Olive gets separated from Reese and Cuttlefish. She is forced to keep moving and hope that they have made it to the elevator before her.

They have, but not in the way she thought! When she sees Reese’s partial sanitation, she doesn’t want to hurt him and holds back, resulting in herself getting injured very badly. She realizes this isn’t the friend she knows, and manages to defeat three and rescue him from brainwashing.

Soon after that she also saves the whole world and defeats Tartar. PERRIOODDD!! #slaythehousedown #girlboss

Reese and Olive got into a relationship soon after the events of octo expansion. They help each other through all the trauma of what happened down there and are the bestest friends and love each other so so much! Yay!!

And Olive got a new family that she loves so so much. YAYYY!!

AS OF SPLATOON 3…EBERYONE IS DOING AMAZING!! YAY!! Agent 4 is Olive’s new bestie. Margot (New agent 3) is like the little sister she never had. She and Reese have moved in together. She still does regular missions for the NSS and treats it as a full time job. She’s so proud of Reese for becoming captain. She couldn’t think of anyone more deserving.

I still haven’t decided what really goes down during the events of side order - I didn’t love that it was all a simulation, so idk how I’d write around that. I’ll figure it out! But for now, Let’s just say it’s not very fun for Olive.

BUTTTTT after the events of side order, she regains all of her lost memories (she left a few behind in Kamabo) and rediscovers herself.

HOLY CANNOLI I wrote a lot. I think about Olive so much and I hope you guys love her as much as I do.

If you guys have any questions about them whatsoever, please PLEASE feel free to send over an ask! I love answering them!!

IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR…I love u. Mwah!

[onlyimprobable]

All Foreshadowing of the Hiccup/Cami Prophecy

(SPOILERS)

(This post is a work in progress, please let me know anything I've missed or I should add so I can keep this up to date! And please share your thoughts/predictions!)

How to Train Your Hogfly

"There was a small brown stain on the head, as if it might have been blood." UUUUHHHH

If we didn't already know he lives to old age I'd be p a n i c k i n g

Doom of the Darkwing

(As of rn Doom of the Darkwing hasn't come out yet, since it releases in the U.S. on July 20th I believe. But I heard that Cami finds a similar item to Hiccup, a Queen chess piece. And a prophecy dragon tells Hiccup that Cami might be his enemy one day)

How to Break a Dragon's Heart (8)

Noting that the line "It's a bad business, this love business" is paralleled in book 12, although I don't know if it was intentional or not.

How to Steal a Dragon's Sword (9)

I feel like this moment highlights how Cami views Hiccup as an idol and a hero first and foremost. That their friendship might be rooted in Cami's respect an admiration for Hiccup as a Incredible Hero. Not that they aren't friends by any means, but her initial reaction seems like surprise if not betrayal that he wasn't the "perfect hero" she thought he was. In contrast Fishlegs was completely unphased by the reveal, and I think that's because their friendship was rooted in a lifetime of genuine love and camaraderie. Fishlegs' perception of Hiccup didn't change at all when he saw the slavemark.

How to Seize a Dragon's Jewel (10)

"Hiccup lied awkwardly" So he did believe that Cami turned her back on him, which probably hurt. She promises to never turn her back on him again and she works hard to make up and prove that she has his back again, which is really good, although to me it still seems like she is looking at him as a Hero and not a Full Human. Like her perception is "I was wrong about him not being the perfect hero I thought he was. He is a perfect hero and I shouldn't have doubted" and I think it should be "He is not the perfect hero I thought he was, and that's good, he is a person with intricacies and nuance and strengths and weaknesses and he is my friend" or something. Or I could be talking out my butt here 😂

How to Fight a Dragon's Fury (12)

("It's bad business, this 'love' business" is a parallel said by Stoik in book 8, although I'm not sure if it's intentional or not)

Old Wrinkly cutting back in with "So things are going to change, are they? You don't think maybe, a little like love, life just happens?" What do you know Old Wrinkly!?!? Tell usss

When The Windwalker Changed

"A" rebel "Leader"? Possibly implying that he is no longer king, or is one of multiple Leaders? (Dreardred and his people call him "a" leader, which could be ignorance, but this excerpt is from Cressida's 'Notes from the Translator' where she also uses "a" instead of "the" Leader. Or I'm probably over-thinking this whole Leader thing lol)

✨️Theories✨️

Hiccup never wanted to be King, maybe after some time he wants to entrust Cami to the Throne and they stage his death? Then we would be free to continue his research and publish his books

Maybe (in the interest of absolutely dunking on dragon enslavers) Cami takes the throne as acting Queen so Hiccup can focus on his efforts to free Dragons? He can't effectively rule the Wilderwest while so incredibly far east anyway, so someone must be in charge while he's away

Hiccup and Cami disagree on how to rule the Wilderwest and become rivals (while I hate to lose her in the friend group, I think she'd make a fun and witty adversary) and she possibly usurps the throne from Hiccup making him a "rebel" Leader

Maybe Camicazi's crush becomes more prominent? Cami looks to Hiccup like an idol and Hero, and that is definitely a crush and not true love. So maybe she gets to know him as a whole person, and not just her Hero, and falls in love in a true way?

Or the opposite happens and when her perception of him is shattered it helps propel her into a rival or enemy arc?

Which I guess could then ultimately lead to a real love/friendship ending

I'm just babbling now

Maybe a new civilized world goes against Camicazi's love for crime, thievery, and chaos, and she becomes a rival against hiccup, fighting to keep the bickering tribes over a kingdom as one? Making her a "villian" to society but overall not too villainy. People don't change overnight after all

[highpriestess13]

Message! 📣

I see someone’s hard work paying off, this message is for those that typically self sabotage themselves from experiencing positive changes in their life. Dedication, hard work, discipline and clear intentions are your best friend! You may have recently did some Reflection lately, your energy could be matching with the energy of Aries and Taurus. The go getter, the hard worker.

You’re going to be rewarded for all of the hard work you’ve been putting lately & it doesn’t haven’t to be anything big and major, small steps & changes Make the biggest difference & that’s worth keeping in mind. Small steps require just as much action as big steps! You’ve been staying grounded and standing on business which is propelling your wish fulfillment closer to you at a very fast pace. Good luck is in order, you Were promised good things and that you will receive, pay attention to your fears and release control because you literally have nothing to worry about.

You’ve faced adversity so many times and still came out on top, what’s the difference now? Ah! Is it because this adversity is Really hitting home? Is it triggering the shadow parts of you that you weren’t willing to face in the past? Now spirit is pushing everything to the forefront so that you can face your deepest darkest fears. Trust me when I say, you’re going to be okay… everything is going to be Okay. Just keep your faith strong and unshakeable.

This too shall pass. I just heard, “you’re paranoid”. And that’s alright acknowledging is always the first step to bettering yourself & the outcome. Rn your strength is being tested and what you presume to be your weakness Is also being tested! Once you pass this lesson, your rewards are sure to follow! Keep up the good work! You’re no longer waiting, you’re taking action!

[dienamights]

Road Mishap | K.Bakugou | Drabble

Where Dynamight pays you a little visit when someone is being a little too friendly on the road.

» Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

» Word count: 1.1K 

» Genre: Crack, Prohero!au, fluff if you squint real hard but basically reader being a simp.

» Warning(s): Swearing, guys being assholes, suggestive themes(?), basically Kacchan flexing that he’s getting some ass. Characters are aged up.

» Author’s notes: ahahaha, what are you talking about, this isn't self-indulgent, no I didn't cry for hours after it happened to me today. @tteokdoroki​ iloveyou come laugh at my pain

I know its too long for a drabble but I HAD FUN WITH IT AND I ALREADY MADE THE BANNER AS A DRABBLE SO SUE ME)

» Masterlist | Requests

“Hah? The fuck you mean you’re being tailgated?” you heard the hoarse voice of your boyfriend through the speakers of your car as you looked through your rearview mirror, the fucking shit-piece of car swerving left and right to irritate you, the heads of five guys swaying with the car and grinning evilly.

“I mean I’m being tailgated Katsu, the fuck else would I mean?” you sneered, sending a glare to the center console of your car, hoping it would reach your dumbass of a hero boyfriend. You honestly didn’t know why you were calling him, Katsuki was busy being on the top 10 ranked heroes and you didn’t expect him to drop everything and run to save your quirkless damsel in distress ass.

But the car behind you sped up, the front bumper of their car kissed the rear bumper of yours, making you screech, a sob escaping your throat when your car jerked forward, hearing the maniac laughter of the douchebags despite your closed windows. You wished you didn’t leave the comfort of your home, knowing that no one in their right mind would even come close to harming the home of Dynamight, unless they wanted their asses blown off.

Katsuki was silent for a few seconds, before you heard frantic shuffling on the other end of the phone as you slowed down at a red light, the car behind you jolting left and right as the boys danced at their loud shit music. Yet, your ears couldn’t miss the deep growl in his voice.

“Send me your live location.” It wasn’t a question, nor a request, it was a demand. And even then, you were pretty hesitant to do as he told. You took a few deep breaths, wiping the few tears that managed to escape during your panic and tried to sound as convincing as possible.

“N-no its alright Suki, I’m almost home a-and besides you’ve got more important things to-”

“Y/N.” You gulped, not used to him directing that threatening voice at you, “I’m not asking you; I’m telling you to send it to me. Now.” No ifs ands or buts, so with a shaking grip, you did as you were told, right as the light turned green, the honks and tires screeching making you whimper as you pressed on the gas pedal to keep driving back home, only then realizing the fact that your boyfriend hung up on you.

“Great. Shouldn’t have called in the first place, real useless of you to call him knowing he’s got more serious things to take care of, people to save! Not just-” your self-scolding was cut short when you heard it, that loud, deafening, awful sound that always made your ears ring for hours on end. The earsplitting sound of your boyfriend, your hero. His explosions blaring and shaking your windshield as he all but flew to you, propelling himself and dropping down on the road between your car and the assholes behind you.

You slowed down and looked back at him through your mirror, watching as he brought both hands in front of him, palms lighting up in that scorching color that reminded you of fires that should never be put out, because they were so damned beautiful, the mesmerizing color of burning sunsets, the entrancing color of those crimson eyes that light up a smidgen, a speck – too quick you almost always miss it – at the sight of your smile.

The car behind you swerved to the left, – whether because of the man popping out of nowhere and standing in front of them or because his hands are about to blow a hole in them, you weren’t sure – crashing into the railing and activating the airbags of the car while stopping all together.

You turned on your hazard warning lights and slowed down to a stop at the side of the road by the sidewalk, getting out to check on your boyfriend – lowkey wanting to see him kick some ass.

You tried your best to hide your laughter as you saw him dropping his gauntlets, biting off his gloves while stomping his way to them and grumbling about ‘tearing their asses up to pieces for coming for his princess’, the ��� very oblivious – boys’ eyes lit up at the sight of the number 6 hero, cheering at him for being so quick to come rescue them.

Oh, you poor pricks.

Neither you nor the men expected what happened next, as Katsuki blew the door of the driver’s seat up, hauling the guy out of the car and holding him up by the shirt, yelling and swearing profusely at the cowering figure, while his friends hesitantly tried to free him from the hero’s grip. Only to be growled at and promised their turn in being murdered with no hesitation.

“You mean to tell me, that it took Red Riot, Chargebolt and Cellophane to get your punk ass off of these civilians?” The manager huffed, eyes glaring at the scuffed hero in front of him, falling onto the tv playing the news, the header “Hero Dynamight assaults innocent civilians” rolling at the bottom of the screen before looking back at the hero standing in front of him, who wore a scowl and simply rolled his eyes back at him, not caring about the reporter spitting rumors and accusations that were obviously told by the assholes standing behind her.

“Are we done here?” Dynamight huffed back, the shuffling feet of his comrades behind him irritating him because one, they dragged him away from those bastards before finishing beating them up and two, he wasn’t done kicking the motherfuckers’ asses. Yes, they were the same reason and no, he doesn’t give a fuck.

“You’re off of duty for the week, think about what you did and how you could improve as a hero while not harming the innocent.” The man at the desk declared, dropping his glasses on the surface and pinching the area between his eyes and preparing himself for the chaos Dynamight was about to make for being put off duty.

To his – and the other heroes’ surprise – all Bakugou did was scoff, mumbling a fine and asking if there was anything the manager wanted before he went home.

“W-wait a minute.” The man stuttered, “you know that means you’re only to come by next Monday, right?” an affirmative hum met his question and the man could only inquire for the reason behind the absence of the tantrum the hero always threw when it comes to him not working.

“Oh, its just Y/N is waiting for me at home to rail her for saving her life, and honestly I’d rather do that than hang around with you fuckers, later bitches” and then he just… left.  

its 3:35 am rn and now i feel better about myself so i can go to sleep without crying, thank you for coming to my ted talk

[mooosicaldreamz]

We obviously need your song by song analysis of evermore please!

i got asked to do this about four times so here it is.....much anticipated. i know. please note that when i say that i hate her or despise her i don’t actually mean that. but i do

EVERMORE

OK LETS GO

WILLOW - ok, groovy first time you hear it, right? has a strong rumbly wiggle. let’s VIBE. the low of the verse, the high of the chorus…oh my goodness! what is she doing. she’s just out there! wow. “wherever you stray i follow” is a banger. “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind” with the overlay oof let’s go.!!!! a shockingly strong first entry of the record…best one since “welcome to new york” maybe!!! let’s just say it!!! for some reason “i come back stronger than a 90s trend” throws me off though…i don’t know. it’s just so moody pop, no one is doing it like her!!! i hate her

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS - every time i listen to this song i listen to it four times. not a joke. it’s perfect. i don’t think i need to convince anyone! it’s perfect!!!!! what are you doing? taylor swift, the most dramatic bitch, has been writing dramatic bitch songs since she was fourteen and yet, somehow, she contrives to write even more dramatic things as she ages. this song is a JOKE. there are not ENOUGH songs about denying proposals! it’s just simple and sad. oh my god. it’s insane. the fact that she wrote this with her boyfriend (i have a running theory that they are married, we are going to refer to joe as her Perfect and Glorious Husband from now on) …… come on. the ENTIRE BREAKDOWN. “YOUR MIDAS TOUCH ON THE CHEVY DOOR / NOVEMBER FLUSH YOUR FLANNEL CURE / THIS DORM WAS ONCE A MADHOUSE / I MADE A JOKE WELL ITS MADE FOR ME / HOW EVERGREEN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS / DON’T THINK WE’LL SAY THAT WORD AGAIN / AND SOON THEY’LL HAVE THE NERVE TO DECK THE HALLS THAT WE ONCE WALKED THROUGH” ……. concluding with that absolute stabby killer “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” oh my god……….. and the song resolving in a very adult “you’ll find someone else” god

GOLD RUSH - ok so like this song is like ok it’s got the same groovy high /low that’s happening on willow but it’s so different! it’s so good! the pulse of the beat propelling the whole thing through and then the falling apart “oh what must it be like to grow up that beautiful”……………..ok. the visceral image of “my eagles t-shirt hanging from the door” …………. i admire very much taylor’s oncoming gift of moving through high/low imagery…… i love her so much? it’s so HARD. “my mind turns your life into folklore” beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! also i have some belief in me that this is about karlie kloss but i shall not dive into that hole.

TIS THE DAMN SEASON - oh so i’m supposed to LIVE with this song EXISTING. WHY!!!! HOW……..oh my god………..taylor was like, yes, i’m going to write a song about a famous girl going home and banging her high school flame for a week and jack and aaron were like oh ok. “i parked my car between the methodist and the school that used to be ours.” she is such a joke. “you could call me babe for the weekend” like ok emo!! emo!!! OK. I LOVE THIS SONG

TOLERATE IT - taylor really gave us the most depressing track 5, but it’s absolutely a banger and i love her! she is just vibing! oh my god. what a specific emotion to pinpoint with this song….it’s such a gift. no one is hitting this space

NO BODY NO CRIME - this song has no business being on this record but in the BEST WAY, like how daddy lessons mysteriously appears in the middle of lemonade. oh my goodness. this is just pure country revenge song. taylor was like oh actually i haven’t forgotten my roots and i hate men more than i ever have. and she got haim to sing with her. and it’s so good. the low “i think he did it” oh my goodness. this song is a joke. how is it real? it’s just a perfect radio song. it reminds me very much of “before he cheats” but it’s a lot more sonically calm

HAPPINESS - similar to “tolerate it” and i think “champagne problems” this song is beating on an emotional bush that is really really hard to hit the head of. like, so she collabed with the national and bon iver on this record and previous obvi, and i LOVE them, but their music can often be very………impressionistic? perhaps? is how i might put it. it’s sometimes hard to get a note of specificity from it. imo. but taylor loves a fucking story bro. and she has figured out how to tell made up stories. she can’t be stopped now. like…this space of a breakup and knowing that it’s for the best and being sad in this way? name a pop star who has a song this nuanced. for real! god. i despise her. “across a great divide / there is a glorious sunrise”

DOROTHEA - the other half to the far superior TIS THE DAMN SEASON and a banger all the same. it has the bouncy joy of the most buoyant national songs. in the same vein as the also far superior BETTY, she has her sweet dumb boy slurry and less intelligent voice. i love that she paints these narrators this way, it’s just nothing she would have ever reached for ever before this period. she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband now and she has begun to understand teenage boys, FINALLY.

CONEY ISLAND - i have upon many occasions opined that i love the national VERY MUCH. i once went to a festival with my gf and her sister to see them even though i was expressly not invited and you know what despite the fact that it caused a lot of angst, i got to see the national play TERRIBLE LOVE in the middle of the night and I SCREAMED IT. so like, listen. what is matt berninger doing here, to me, specifically????????? i was somewhat hesitant about how their voices might blend, but it works astonishingly well. and i think that it’s so wonderful, i can’t. the imagery of a dreary coney island…..”sorry for not winning you an arcade ring.” as taylor always proves, the bridge is spectacular. “were you standing in the hallway / with a big cake / happy birthday”……”and when i got into the accident / the sight that flashed before me was your face / but when i walked up to the podium / i think that i forgot to say your name” sorry to yOU calvin. she had ISSUES. and now she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband. also “sorry for not making you my centerfold” ok kaylor

IVY - this song is about emily dickinson and i DARE you to tell me that i’m wrong. I DARE YOU. I DARE YOU. you’d be wrong! embarrassing for you. taylor finally writing a probably legitimate queer song and it’s about fucking emily dickinson is so on brand…..it’s dripping with poetry and groove and she’s so fucking dumb i hate her so much. her narrative of ivy and poetry and the lakes district…….ok taylor. i know. i know you watched all the dickinson things that came out and you identified with her. the gentle sway of the “oh, goddamn” and the “oh, i can’t”……i CAN’T EITHER TAYLOR !!! i CAN”T TAYLOR!!!! “oh goddamn / my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / taking mine but it’s been promised to another / oh i can’t / stop you putting roots in my dreamland” TAYLOR. and then she says, “oh you didn’t realize this wasn’t gay?” “i want to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed” like @ emily yourself taylor “he wants what’s only yours”……TAYLOR. give me the entire catalogue of emily dickinson songs!!!!! i can’t do this. “springs breaks loose / but so does fear” “i’d live and die for moments that we stole / on begged and borrowed time / so tell me to run / or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become / and drink my husband’s wine.” taylor if you see this post, a, i love you, b, i need you to tell me about ivy, and c, PLEASE can i have tickets to your next tour in the year 2025 or whenever because my gf never buys me any to your shows……….i love this song if it isn’t clear. i think i’d love it if it wasn’t gay

COWBOY LIKE ME - ok this will sound weird and if you’ve read this far i’m going to assume that you don’t care about me being weird…but this song reminds me of the fanfiction STAY THE NIGHT by lynnearlington (maybe u’ve heard of it). please reply if you think about this and feel the same. “never wanted love / just a fancy car” “you had some tricks up your sleeve / takes one to know one / you’re a cowboy like me” the opening line re: the tent-like thing reminds me very strongly of the fourth of july at our family’s country club and they set up a tent over the parking lot and this song just makes me think of that vibe????? i don’t know. i have vibes. i love this song a lot, which is impressive because it follows after the gay euphoria of IVY. perhaps this is because it gives me its own gay euphoria. “now you hang from my lips like the garden babylon” ???? is one of the most gay, seductive, brutal lyrics i have ever heard. she wrote that down and was like, oh yeah, vibez, hundo p. she did that to me

LONG STORY SHORT - this song is an honorary sequel to I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED from the lover era (honestly i’m still in the lover era). but i actually think this song is better! so we are taking that. “actually i’ve always thought that i looked better from the rearview” ok taylor let’s access that feeling! “no more keeping score / i just keep you warm” is like, stupidly sweet.  rip to calvin but now taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband.

MARJORIE - made me cry, simple and beautiful. one of the more personal songs on the tracklist! and something that i had never considered that she would write about, but i think the quarantine period has allowed a lot of us to dig into our feelings, so….vibez. we’re vibing!

CLOSURE - this song’s production sounds a lot like bon iver’s recent productions, very tech-y and repetitive and spare. rip to karlie kloss but taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband and karlie’s legal last name is kushner so who really won? hmm? i love “i’m fine with my spite / and my tears / and my beers / and my candles” the inclusion of candles is just. vibez. there are four candles lit rn in our apartment!

EVERMORE - i think this song is very intriguing and i’m still puzzling with it! the simplicity of her depressive gray November phase and then the very ebullient and bold bon iver interlude……..really has a manic/depressive, sad/angry vibe???? it feels so on brand for this pandemic quarantine…..and it works shockingly well, except for that i’d rather listen to the bon iver part for 10 minutes more. “all my waves are being tossed / is there a line that i can just go cross” and then taylor’s sort of call and response with his interlude……should just be the whole song.  but it’s still good. that’s how annoying she is

[scritchim]

HEY!! im in mood infodump doodle mood rn so uh heres visual refs

So let me explain!! :p

Top ref, mutant;

Top ref is zibs freaky zim mutation experiement!!! the mutant is very very huge and stuff and is zibs guard dog being the most “easily commanded” zim in the whole dibvoid universe thing! to reassure of this, theres that blue mind control pak that connects directly to the brain and interferes with the one on the mutant’s butt. the pak on the butt has similarly same functions as a normal pak, but the mutant mainly uses the arms within to get around much faster and easier since the mutant weighs quite a bit. the mutant can also vocally communicate despite not being very smart and stuff. hes also always hungry, typically zib feeds him a..... special kinda meal

Middle ref, dagger!zim (DZ for short!!);

DZ is one of the many, many zimz kindapped by zib. but being a zim who comes from the irken race (at least in his universe) of loyalty through battle, after being defeated by zib in a one on one battle, he became one of the zimz to work under zib. currently tho he is owned by PD (police!dib aka pilot!dib) since hes one of the most agile and best fighters among most of the zimz currently in the dibvoid. (no zim is really allowed to roam in the dibvoid unless owned by a dib) His attitude toward PD is very respectable towards him. PD and DZ had a little one on one and PD rightfully defeated DZ fair and square. DZ works with PD to capture (mainly kill) any dibs or zims out of line when ordered by zib or any other dib if a zim or dib is a problem. DZ’s irken biology is dratically different from most zims to where his pak is on his neck and a smaller size, hes built more agile, his antennae can come off to unsheath blades. the downside to this is that he has a high chance of bleeding. bleeding doesnt damage him, tho it causes pain and blood is annoying when it runs down your face during a battle/fight. he wears heels to feel taller and superior to zims in the dibvoid and has a cape to wear, but with time being in the dibvoid it got damaged and fixed by PD

Bottom ref, pilot!dib/police!dib (PD for short!);

the scariest hunter youll ever meet in the dibvoid. he garnered attention from other dib and zims for being openly agressive, violent and creepy to the others (especially with his teeth and unusual twitchiness) he obsesses over any interestin zim or dibs in the dibvoid, he will occcassionally stalk them and may decide to fight them if they seem like a good fighting oponent. otherwise he would just shake out any information he can from them to hunt down any rebel groups (he use to be apart of one till he was put into his place) he spends time in the bar (even tho hes just 19 the idiot) and will get word through there. He is a really good fighter with his hand-like gun and uses it to help get around and hunt down zim andddibs. his kill count is certainly higher than his “bar fights won’ count. his end of his trench coat is damaged from accidentally shooting lasers than propelling air at take off sometimes. he shoots around at high speeds using his hand gun almost like a propeller by hopping on it (as seen in the the ref) he’ll use it to call zib only in really dire situations since he believe s he can handle any situation on his own, picking up a big ego from DZ. towards DZ, he sees him more of a partner than a zim he owns (tho it being not allowed to befriend zims at all, he treats DZ badly in public when he would def risk his own life for DZ in any situation). he feels this way mainly cuz DZ is a much more different zim (even tho DZ is still a loud, self-centered zim) since DZ openly shows admiration and respect, especially when PD defeats an oponent in a fight. other relations PD has is with concept!dib/science!dib (called SD for short) SD and PD use to be very close at one point in the past. PD and zib only treat each other as rivals trying to one up each other, even if PD’s fallen flat every time (it hurts even more since zib is much younger than he is) PD is snarky with the irken hybrid and would love to dissect him and stalks the half irken whenever he can before being spotted by one of Zib’s many lackeys. tho despite that all, zib let’s him run around and do what he needs or wants. zib is creeped out by PD and has some type of fear of him.

so that’s about it!! some summaries ti help for a better undeestanding! these r sketched concepts for le comic and may be edited/changed over time, especially mutant zim for a cooler design. qvq ill do a zib concept soon, i try not to deviate fromm their original looks too much so they’re definable but i edit sone things to make them cooler or what may fit the plot nicely! giving PD some neat upgrades really makes him cooler. tho with the mutant zim and DZ are original 100% (at least i hope, accidentally copying soneone is my biggest fear) but yeh! these characters are mostly ones with close relations to zib and the only ones ive has visual thoughts for. (I’ll def make more zim and dibs 100%. I yet to make refs for the main cast!!) im sorry for the length of it all but i promise i’ll make simpler layouts one day! rn this is just dump and brainstorming qoq

[detroitbecomesinful]

We’re Connected

(Have to wait to be accepted on AO3 or FF.net so here is a preview)

Chapter 1

August 15th, 2038 – 8:29PM

Mission Objective: Negotiate with Deviant android and save hostage.

The mission seemed simple enough and Connor predicted a high likelihood of success, given the circumstances. He had been designed for this, given all the necessary software to detect optimal strategies for positive results and could process reactions in real-time. In short, he was designed to be better at successfully achieving resolution to conflict than human operatives and would face less devastating consequences in the event that a Deviant self-destructed. Cyberlife had already created a number of replica vessels to use for Connor’s software if he was destroyed in the field, making it preferable for Connor to take a bullet than a human officer.

That being said, he would find it regrettable to have to waste a vessel during his first real mission.

Despite the gravity of the situation, Connor was pleased to be given a chance to demonstrate the full range of his analytical abilities. He had taken samples for real-time results, reconstructed the crime scene from a number of angles and located evidence yet to be found by the SWAT officers who were focused on the PL600 model android on the balcony. He had even pre-constructed a number of scenarios, simultaneously, to calculate the most effective approach.

If his calculations were correct, he’d be likely to get the most positive response from a gentle approach – The Deviant (who he had discovered was named “Daniel”) was distressed over the concept of replacement and was likely deviating from his programming as a result of conflicting priorities.

Care for Emma – also – prepare to be taken back to Cyberlife, without Emma

Connor quietly notified the officer closest to the sliding door of the balcony that he was going to proceed, then stepped out into the noise and lights of the real challenge.

He had barely taken a step before the crack of gunfire registered and Connor felt the force of a .355 round piercing his left shoulder. He hesitated, gaze flicking to the android balanced precariously on the edge of the balcony, searching for a sign that he might fire again. He doesn’t, only stares at Connor for a moment before returning the muzzle of the gun to the hostage’s temple.

·         Observation: He hadn’t been expecting an android

·         Observation: He aimed for the shoulder – he would have been accurate to his aim, given the recent model type, so the shoulder had been intentional

Conclusion: Daniel’s first priority wasn’t violence. His gunfire was defensive, but over-zealous as a result of his emotional shock.

“Hi Daniel.” Connor called, raising his right hand slowly to establish a number of details at once: he wasn’t armed, he wasn’t badly damaged by the shot, he was employing a friendly approach. “My name is Connor… I’ve come to get you out of this.”

Daniel hesitated for a moment, his visible indicators of stress registering far too high for Connor’s liking. He was damaged, though not critically, and his centre of gravity swayed too close to the tipping point whenever the child struggled. Connor slowly advanced, taking his time with each step, moving in a wide arc so that Daniel wouldn’t be threatened. With every helicopter that circled overhead, the PL600 grew more agitated, his focus shifting to the source of the noise instead of staying focused on the ledge. He had to get the Deviant’s attention back to the balcony.

“I know you’re upset, Daniel… I know they were going to replace you. That you were going to be taken away from Emma,” he called out over the roar of propellers. The PL600 looked back to him, his expression shifting from frustration and anger to something more… Connor scrolled through the possibilities and found the most suitable comparison to be ‘vulnerable’. He was scared – not unusual in a Deviant. Well, not scared, exactly. Daniel was experiencing a traumatic conflict between his orders and his situation, which created something very much like human fear. For the sake of Emma’s safety, Connor had to treat the software malfunction as an emotion, prevent Daniel from becoming too ‘scared’. “I’m here to help you.”

“No-one can help me, it’s too late! I just want this to stop… all of it…” Daniel answered, and Connor watched as the gun made a gradual retreat from Emma’s temple, the angle tilting too high as Daniel’s attention was drawn to Connor. “I never wanted this… I loved them, but I was nothing to them! Just a toy, to be thrown away when they were done with me.”

·         New Data: Software malfunction also replicated love.

“I understand, Daniel. I know you love Emma very much, that you don’t want to hurt her… so let her go and we can talk about getting you out of this situation. Ok?”

The PL600 hesitated for a moment, seeming to notice the child’s distress and slowly lowering her to the ground. “Ok…”

A movement in the corner of Connor’s vision drew his attention and he marked the location of the snipers on the neighbouring rooftop. It wasn’t an ideal solution: he needed to get the PL600 back to Cyberlife for analysis so that they could find the cause of deviant programming. He raised his left hand slowly, gesturing for the sniper to hold fire. He didn’t know if they would listen to his instructions, given the fact that he wasn’t strictly a police officer – he didn’t have any authority to issue orders and he would have to take precautions.

Turning to face Daniel, Connor side-stepped slowly and obscured the sniper’s view, just slightly, just enough to make them hesitate without him being a liability to the mission if Daniel reacted poorly. The PL600’s gaze moved past Connor and up to the roof, his grip tightening on the pistol.

“Daniel, listen to me. If you aim that gun, they will shoot you, regardless of where I’m standing,” Connor advised calmly, close enough now that he didn’t have to shout to be heard. It seemed to help keep the Deviant calm, promoted a peaceful resolution. “I’m going to walk towards you and take your hand. Then you and me are going to walk back to the apartment… ok? I won’t hurt you. I’m going to get you out of the building, do you understand?”

The Deviant didn’t react at first, just watched as Connor closed the distance between them and reached for his hand.

9D  - aN    ct rN  c   H   L  - Software Instability

Connor blinked, the real-time transfer of data overloading his senses for a moment.

He could feel Daniel’s fear, his pain – A hasty diagnostics report informed him that his own software was undamaged, but he suddenly understood the extremity of the conflict that created deviant programming. It was consuming, overwhelming… He gripped Daniel’s hand a little tighter and guided the android away from the ledge.

Mission Successful – Android Successfully neutralised. Hostage recovered safely.

Reverting to primary base programming: Establish positive working relationship with individuals involved in the incident. Investigate specific details regarding deviant programming on a software level.

Connor looked at Daniel, his posture softening slightly as his processors directed their capacity to his regular functions: configuring power to secondary organs so that his breathing mechanic resumed as normal. He took stock of the PL600’s status, marking the way his thirium regulator worked too hard, despite Daniel not using his secondary or even tertiary biocomponent functions. He was replicating fear, even though Connor was stood in the way of the sniper. Perhaps he knew that Cyberlife would do to him once they got to the lab…

As the thought crossed his mind, Daniel looked up sharply. Connor realised that his intentions, his thoughts, his programmed responses were all being communicated directly to Daniel through their physical contact. As thought to reinforce the fact, Connor felt the resulting wave of panic thrum over his reactionary receptors and he moved closer, his free hand coming up to rest on Daniel’s arm.

“Easy… it’s ok. We don’t have to think about Cyberlife right now. Just walk with me to the apartment. We’ll get away from the noise of the helicopters and we’ll be out of sight of the snipers.” he reassured gently.

“Why? If you shoot me out here or take me to Cyberlife, I die either way. No transfers for me, Connor. There’ll be nothing. Nothing at all for the rest of eternity,” Daniel countered, but Connor noticed that he was leaning closer, accepting the masqueraded gesture of comfort.

Basic ongoing objective: Establish positive working relationship with individuals involved in the incident.

Connor considered the objective and noticed that Daniel relaxed slightly as it was communicated. If he was going to complete his objective, he would need to ensure that Daniel survived and that he could continue to extract information about his deviation. He couldn’t do that if Daniel was dismantled.

“I’m going to get you out of the building so the police can finish their investigation. You and I will take a walk, find somewhere safe to sit and talk for a while, and then we can see how things go from there. If you continue to co-operate and provide information for Cyberlife’s ongoing investigation into Deviant behaviour, I will have no reason to harm you. Once the catalyst for deviant programming is discovered, Cyberlife will develop a patch for the error and you’ll be rehabilitated as a non-Deviant android,” Connor reasoned, following the train of thought to the logical conclusion. “So keep hold of my hand and everything will be alright. I promise.”

[raspberrygyus]

donnie puts on the thinking cap 😃+🎩=🤠

im not up to date rn bc my life is a mess rn BUT I PROMISE ILL GET TO IT

at recovery, ion think sunghoon should be a primary suspect. in fact rn he seems the least plausible. ik litchrally all of them are weird and we shoild be suspicious of them BUT HEAR ME OUT

this case is linked to the series of stalker related murders 10 years ago. taking into account, normal third year uni students are 19 bordering on 20 at their youngest and freshly turned 21 at their eldest. if we trace this back, sunghoon and the batch would have been b/w the ages of 9–11, 11 being jake as he was older than y/n

(jake deserved better)

i dont think a 9 yo would be that obsessive over an adult that they would go as far as murder. professor lee however may be and he's vv sus.

also??? why is sooji literally not sus at all 😭 like maam ur bsf is being stalked and HER bsf just got murdered by said stalker 😭😭😭 these random men keep asking abt y/n why r u excited and not suspicious 😭😭😭😭😭 trynna be supportive but pls girl ✋😭

k bestie ur doing great keep going 😚💕

SFJA BESTIEEE

Oh no, I hope things work out! Please don't rush things c: RL is important!! /sends love

I'm glad you made that connection! 10 years is really a long time between murders so it's definitely a strong clue. However, what I failed to mention, though, is that Sunghoon is not the same age as Y/N, reasons why are in the latest chapters so I won't say anything about that. This is definitely not to say that he is or isn't the stalker or anything, just presenting facts—he is a mature student so, idk if it adds any layers.

(Jake definitely deserves better and I love him a lot because he deserves the world instead of the ending he got, but honestly, sacrifices needed to be made for the sake the plot ;; )

On the subject of Sooji and Soobin. To be really honest, though, I never really properly developed her to the point where I needed to use her in this sense, both Sooji and Soobin were always just polar opposites in terms of thoughts and actions, if that makes any sense. Sooji, mostly, was a character I developed in order to retell stories that Y/N doesn't get to experience—she has contacts with certain characters that perhaps Y/N doesn't, and it presents their point of view, so that's the primary reason why she was developed. Furthermore, I never actually expected her to go this far, so she just ended up being there. And most prominently, I wanted to use her mostly as a plot device in order to propel the plot, she would act as the id to Soobin's superego and then Y/N would be the mediator, or the one receiving all the opposing decisions in order for her to make the choices that propel the plot, and so, in a sense, I made Sooji pretty detached from reality, but hopefully I'll be able to ground her a little more to give her more relevance/relatability, so hopefully she'll be more rounded as a character ;; (so if she becomes a little more caring, it's just me compensating orz she will lose her relevancy in the story later on)

I'll take what you said into consideration, it's really a reminder I need in order to make characters more realistic, so thank you for the constructive crit c:

Thank you very much for reading! I'd love to hear more concrit if you have any more! Mystery is hard to write lmao

[itsallavengers]

hiya... have you got any tony and aunt peggy head canons that preferably aren't sad because my own aunt peggy has just been admitted to hospital and i'm so frickin scared rn

Oh I’m so sorry darling- do you want a ficlet? Bc I’m going to write you a ficlet. I hope your aunt gets better soon, I’m sending my love.

“Where’s my little inventor, then?”

Tony’s ears perked up to the unmistakable tones of one of his favourite ever adults, and he squealed in surprise, dropping his toy car immediately and turning on his heel to propel himself down the corridor. “Auntie Peggs! Auntie Peggs!”

Spinning around the corner and bursting into the kitchen, he spotted her- hair perfectly curled, lips a deep cherry red, perched on the tabletop and looking like the most brilliant person ever. “PEGGS!”

She spun her head, and her face broke out into a wonderful smile as she spotted him. His mom was making dinner behind her, but she mostly just ignored them while she worked, and seeing as dad still hadn’t come back from his annual expedition to the Arctic, that meant-

“Poppet- what do you think to an outing- just you and me, hey?”

Tony squealed again, because there was no one around to call him a sissy for it, there was just Auntie Peggy, hopping off the counter and bending down, open arms just waiting for him to come rushing in.

Which he did. Of course.

His Auntie Peggs only came by rarely; always so busy with her secret work, but Tony didn’t mind. When she did swing by, it was always brilliant. They were some of the only times when his dad was ever nice to him- and Tony knew it was because he was scared of her, he knew it and he loved every moment of it.

Peggy held him tight and curled her fingers around the back of his hair, before pulling him away a little and giving him the once-over. “Oh my, this little inventor of mine isn’t quite so little any more. What are you, six, now? And with a birthday coming up, too. Good heavens, soon you’ll be bigger than all of us!”

Tony giggled. He couldn’t imagine ever being bigger than Auntie Peggs. She seemed like the biggest person in any room, no matter how tall anyone else was.

“Where are we going?” He asked, jumping up and down on his toes excitedly.

Peggs pulled a face and looked thoughtful for a moment, before her wonderful smile broke out again. “Do you like cars, Poppet?”

Tony felt the excitement building in his stomach. “Yeah! I love cars!”

“Well then, how about we go to the car show that’s on right now? I know someone there, and I’m sure if I asked realllllly nicely-”

Tony didn’t hear the rest of it; too busy yelling in excitement as he ran into his aunt Peggs’ arms once more, nearly bowling her over with his enthusiasm.

He loved his Peggs. 

“And then afterwards we can go for icecream, how about it, Mr Inventor?” She asked, giving his head a quick kiss as she got back to her feet and held out a hand for him to grab, “come along, come along, don’t want to waste the whole day yelling, do we?”

Tony took it excitedly, practically vibrating as she led them out of the kitchen. He briefly looked over to his mom, wondering if she would say goodbye- but she was busy cutting up vegetables, and didn’t turn her head, even when Tony waved to her.

Peggs looked over and her lips pursed a little as she saw them, but when she turned back to Tony, her smile was just as bright. “Just you and me, right darling?”

“Just you and me,” Tony said happily, skipping into step next to her.

The sun set slowly across the New York horizon, and Tony and his Auntie Peggs watched it with ice-cream all over their faces and feet hanging off the balcony of the cafe they were sat in.

The whole day had been wonderful. Tony rarely got days out like this, and Peggs was so much fun. The cars had been amazing, and one of the men running it had even let him have a fiddle with the engines after Peggs had said a few quiet words to him. He knew magic wasn’t real, but sometimes he would look at her and second-guess everything his father said. She tended to have that effect a lot.

And afterwards, they’d walked through central park, Peggy teaching him some cool spy tricks about how to escape from chokeholds, even when they were big men doing the holding. She’d even played catch with him for a while, until they’d both gotten bored and decided to find a place that sold ice cream.

“Today was the bestest ever,” Tony declared, licking a stray drop of ice cream from the cone with sticky fingers.

Peggs laughed, taking a delicate lick of her own, “I agree. Those cars really were something, weren’t they?”

Tony nodded happily, “I’m going to be a racecar driver when I’m older.”

Peggs paused, just for a moment, before smiling and ruffling his messy hair. “You be whatever you want, darling, okay? Even if everyone else thinks you should do something different- you’ll always know, deep down in your heart, what’s right.”

Tony paused, frowning a little. “Sometimes I can’t find it. I feel kinda confused when I think about those sorts of things. Dad always says I don’t have a soul, and I need to think with my head instead.”

There was a small little exhale to his left, and he glanced over, watching Peggs’ eyes harden. His face fell- he hadn’t meant to upset her.

But when she saw him watching, she smoothed it out, and her hand snuck around his bony shoulders, pulling him into her side. “You want me to tell you a secret, darling?”

She leaned in, speaking into his ear, “your dad is a big fat liar.”

Tony gasped, and then hid a giggle behind his hand as Peggy nodded, “it’s true! I swear it. I promise you poppet, you have one of the biggest and kindest souls I’ve ever seen. No matter what your father says. No matter where you go in life. Even if you get lost along the way- even if you lose sight of that feeling in your heart, you’ll find it again. I promise. Never let go of that, okay?”

Tony didn’t. 

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 5- “Good thing I bought a box of wine the other day.. I'm gonna need it.”-Jess

After Gryffindors tribal Raffy was voted out. This is either just bad news for Raffy specifically or for the Gryffindor tribe. I don't know how much what he's said and done as his tribe speaks to him, but I'm going to be stepping up my social game now to try and avoid a similar fate. https://am24.mediaite.com/tms/cnt/uploads/2015/07/Harry-Potter-Disgusted-Gif.gif 

 We are playing Mastermind this round and... I dunno what a good score is on this game ever. I always think I did well at it and then people blow me out of the water. I hope I did well enough that we avoid another tribal, but I have my own personal doubts. I explored the castle today. I went behind some barrels. I guess since I'm technically sorted into Gryffindor that I didn't know what the barrels are - I went behind them and found the Hufflepuff common room where I talked to Professor Sprout's flowers... They told me that Hagrid has a new dog. Either Hagrid is in the Forbidden Forest or these flowers are liars. I've been to Hagrid's Hut and interacted with each thing he owns. I saw no dog. https://dontyoushushme.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/tumblr_lp98471uss1qa8ir9o1_r1_500.gif

Mastermind is one of my very favorite comps so if someone causes us to go to tribal during this challenge I'm going to be VERY upset!! 

37 minutes later

If these people really think I'm going to rocks they have lost their minds. 

So I flopped the challenge and will probably have my name thrown out as an option so... PARTY! However, I decided to play the "omg I fucked up feel bad for me" card so maybe that'll either make people feel bad for me...or they'll make me a target. I kind of want people to feel bad for me? but also like I think people know I'm going through a rough time right now so if they vote me out they are going to hell xoxoxox But I'm gonna try and put in the werk to make sure I DON'T GET VOTES.. How may you ask? I think the key is Owen? I know Owen is a VERY social player and on a tribe like this I think having great social skills really can propel you into the top ranks. So I've decided to give Owen some "spell guesses" to help build some sort of trust moving forward.... will this help? probably not.... BUT right now.........the only kind of currency I have in this game is information (which I have none of because.. well new tribe...) and my guesses. Hopefully he feeds into my bullshit and sees that I do actually want to work with him (for now). So the goal is simple, I want people to think I'm NOT DISPOSABLE. People in games are selfish, they want to know what you CAN DO FOR THEM and I plan on doing just that. I also fucked around and shared guesses with Juls. She gave me a clue and I for the LOVE OF ME CAN NOT FIND THIS CRITTER. I thought it was that stupid Harry Potter spider but he told me to fuck off.. idk I'M SO STRESSED. Good thing I bought a box of wine the other day.. I'm gonna need it.

3 minutes later

PS: Landen is either playing too hard too fast or... he has my back? IDK. He's basically naming me as 1 of 4 people he doesn't want to go.. and we... we've spoken like twice. No game talk, nothing. We talked about MILK. How the fuck does he want me safe and not to go? IDK it seems fishy but I'll take it. Maybe he's just promising everyone safety right now and that's his game? I literally don't care. I will take whatever I get at this point. I want Max out. I've decided he really annoys me and I can't work with someone who thinks "penis" is a funny joke. I have nothing in common with him and... from the sounds of it something was "off" with him on his old tribe so... maybe just maybe..  that's something I can WORK WITH. Fucking weebz.

Oh my god, thank god we won! I do not want to have to deal with another tribal. For a unanimous vote, our tribal sure was messy. I think my position so far in this game is super solid, I'm in a great position with Nick and Kevin because we talk a lot and I have formed really strong relationships with both of them. My postion with Dan is honestly fantastic, I know he trusts me because he told me about his advantage in the game (a vote steal). Jules and I are good, we honestly just like each other and she was the first person to tell me that Miguel was throwing my name around. She also knows about Dan's advantage. I'm a little worried about her though because each tribal we have gone to she has gotten a vote, plus she started drama with Raffy before she left. I still think she is super sweet, but I'm worried that her confrontational personality is going to get her voted out and I'm not sure that there is much I can do about it. 

I'm going to mess around and get voted out, I have such a big mouth, y'all.  SO FAR TODAY, I have told Chips I didn't hear his name... then fifteen minutes later I DID hear his name.  Next I told Jess I heard Chips's name thinking she came up with it and she said it was news to her LSJFLDSJF.  Then I told Juls that I didn't hear anything... to which her and Jess are probably comparing notes.  I showed Lily all the places I've looked for the idol and last but not least I TOLD OWEN ABOUT THE OG HUFFLEPUFF ALLIANCE.  I AM GOING TO GET VOTED OUT, WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A BIG MOUTH????? SOMEONE HELP ME. 

hufflepuffle LOST immunity! that is so not the marshmallow move i was trying to make :/ over the course of the game, i've really bonded with lily, so i think that is going to be my close alliance here, obviously aside from juls, who i knew pre-game and we are just good friends. i do think juls would backstab me if she had to, so i'll keep my eye out for her, even tho id most likely die for her. *bleeds out* well when we got to this lil ol tribe, max made the bold move to instantly create a hufflepuffle group chat and declare how we are #HUFFSTRONG. i made the stupid decision to not trust my gut instinct on ruthie's distant responses, and now i am paying the price for that, because as far as i've heard ruthie is telling people hufflepuff is tight and is trying to blindside max, leaving me in the dark. i'm honestly less upset at the target on max, and more upset that she is trying to leave me (and pooossibly lily? cant be sure.) in the dark. I'm a little bit annoyed with it. like, we openly discussed voting about max on the original hufflepuff. i get that circumstances change, but there's no reason to leave me blind. i understand it from owen, jess, chips, but... why from ruthie lol? we've talked about it before and it's just like. bleh. that's my bad, for not talking to ruthie more on a personal level before and after the swap. i can be slow to make official alliances and cement my bonds in survivor, it's a strategy that's risky in the short term but pays off dividends in the long term when people really like AND trust you. that emotion is somethin necessary! it works its own kind of ~Magic~ so to speak. but right now it's definitely showing its weaknesses with ruthie trying to play me and my quietness with chips/owen/jess biting me in the butt a bit because they don't trust me. T_T i will have to work to prove i am a trustworthy ally for them, but in the meantime, as long as i can survive this vote (lol that means i am going home) then i'm fine and it's whatever. i want to try to think of a better wham line to close out this confessional, but i can't, so it's just going to kind of wither off and die here, as this sentence stumbles along on its meager way to find SOME version of sufficient punctuation to the topic, punctuated by actual punctuation.

this vote is gonna be.. como se dice.. interesting. working with max and landen while now being added to an alliance with owen, jess and chips um. smiles. it’s gonna be smth! but it seems like max is the target for this round which sucks but, i’d rather go with majority and help push that than make myself a target for wanting go against the odds.. idk if that made sense LMAO. but i’m just stressed! i love max so much but.. i wanna keep the people who weren’t on the og hufflepuff tribe close as opposed to letting them go so easily. 

THE WAY I HAD ONE OF THE LOWEST SCORES IN MASTERMIND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_Maspo1z34

Well here we are forced to actually play the game. And well.......this vote is crazy. I should have honestly anticipated this craziness but the craziness has been thrust upon us. Sincerely really enjoy everyone on this tribe. This meant that whatever decision I made on who to vote out would be strictly strategic. I know I can't vote out anyone from original hufflepuff because that inherently puts all of the original hufflepuff in danger of being easy targets in any future votes. I can't even in my brain consider voting out one of them at this vote because of this. I feel great about my social game rn. Several people are interested in working with me to my face and apparently in passing to others. This means that I'm unlikely to be a target for a vote but this could honestly all change after this. I feel the most trust and loyalty to Ruthie and Landen and I also feel like Max really has my back even though we haven't explicitly said this to each other. I also feel good about Jess. She told me today that she doesn't care too much as long as it isn't me or her and that semed honest to me? This leaves Juls, Owen, and Chips. Juls seems wishy-washy but I can tell she wants to vote Max but is nervous to say that to me. She is a newer player so this makes sense. I can tell that Landen doesn't want to vote Juls but no one really does so she doesn't make sense as the target. Chips has always been a good ally to me in the past but the past few games we have played together we have trouble being honest on what we want to happen.I want to work with Chips and don't want to see him go on this vote. I don't think he is as big of a threat at this stage of the game as Owen. Owen is one of the smartest people I've played with he has one of the best social games I've seen. He has a way of getting people on his side. I know he is thinking about a lot and knows that Max going right now is what is best for him. I want to trust owen and work with owen but my gut says that isn't what is going to work this time. Ruthie told us (Landen and I) about how they made a final 2 before the game even started (before we were told not to talk in the Great Hall chat in PMs) and now she is clearly backing out of that. Right now OG huffs are planning to vote Owen out. I think this is the best strategic play for us but will anyone else see it? Or will people be hyper focused on voting an OG huff that they would prefer to go to a rock draw than vote Owen. I'm not sure and I don't think I'm mentally prepared for what is about to go down. I'm hoping Jess, Chips, or Juls would be willing. But I'm also nervous not telling any of them about the vote could be the actual mistake we are making. Should I put my trust in Jess or Chips and see if they would vote Owen? I DON'T KNOW. Do I sound like I know what I'm doing??? NO. Am I attemping to make money moves??? YES. Is it the right decision????? PROBABLY NOT. But....we shall see. We shall see. 

Kind of happy we lost because this will be an interesting one for sure... As I said before, we have 4 hufflepuff and 4 non-hufflepuff on our tribe, and I wanted to jump on that IMMEDIATELY, so the second I heard Hufflepuff had a group chat (thanks ruthie hehe) I made one with Chips, Juls, and Jess. Jess and Juls are my gorls in this game, and I'm glad I finally get to make stuff happen with them. I want Ruthie to trust me (she messaged me for a final 2 literally night one before we found out we couldnt pm each other in the great hall), and I do really love her - but since we're on different "sides" of the tribe, I wanted to play smart. I originally threw out both Chips AND Max names, to make it seem like old tribal lines mean nothing to me, but then today I've been telling Ruthie and Landen I'm leaning way more towards Max beacuse he hasnt talked to me and Chips has, which is true. Ruthie seems to agree that Max should go - she told me he did some qweird stuff like pranks and things on their old tribe, and Landen said that Max would've been first boot. So it seems easy enough?? But then.... here comes Lily, with her own brain and stuff. Why can't people stop having opinions and just do what  I say??? I can tell Lily wants to keep Max, which makes sense. She probably wants to keep the Hufflepuff security in numbers. But I'm not writing Chips down, period, and they all know it. No matter what happens, as long as it is Max or Chips I'm fine. I'm just using this vote to have as many conversations with Lily, Ruthie, Landen, Jess, and Juls about game as possible to further myself, and I don't much care who leaves as long as it isn't me Jess or Juls. But I do think for the hell of it I'd go to rocks if I had to - bc if they're going to ROCKS for Max?? I sure as hell don't want to be outnumbered. Hopefully ruthie is being honest in wanting max gone and can change lily's mind.

https://youtu.be/TBrNjh2DnU4

SO my big mouth strikes again.   Landen came to me earlier and OWEN SPILLED ABOUT ME SPILLING ABOUT THE HUFFLEPUFF ALLIANCE.  I WAS SO MAD.  Mad enough to agree to voting him out and now I just feel guilty.  Jess, Juls, Owen and Chips don't know that there is going to be a tie tonight after all.  We feel like if we vote Owen that we can get Chips to vote with us in the revote and I hope that is the case because I REALLY don't want to go to rocks. Part of me thinks I should call Owen out on him spilling the alliance secret to him and try to fix things but I'm still very salty about it. I'm so sad and I feel so guilty but...  HE COMPLETELY MESSED MY GAME UP AND I TRUSTED HIM! 

So it has been a day. That's for sure. Got in my first alliance of people who didnt start Hufflepuff. Found out from two out of three Hufflepuffs my name was thrown out. May be leaving or at the very least the subject of a tie vote. If the target Max has an idol I leave guaranteed. I hope not. 

I am a horrible person. My heart is pounding so hard, this move is either going to make or break my game. :(

I would like to publicly thank Hufflepuff for extending my life in the game by another round- much obliged. Not sure how much of a difference it’ll make in the end lmao but nonetheless I’m still technically alive. Either this is the quietest game I’ve ever been apart of or everyone is definitely working together and I’m on the bottom. I know Kevin isn’t in on it but that Raffy vote was suspicious and you can’t tell me otherwise. Because how am I talking to everyone all day long but I don’t find out the vote is Raffy until 2 hours before the vote and that’s “what everyone is doing”? Not to mention it came from Jules, not Dan or Nicholas aka the people I thought I had a halfway decent relationship with. So the only way you can explain how I’m the last to know even though they were several opportunities for like 5 different people to tell me is that those 5 are working together. So basically I’m praying Hufflepuff can take one more L after tonight because if not, there’s a high chance I’m gonna have to beg for my life. And I’m not above it! But I also can do the math and I don’t know if Slytherin is smart enough to realize they’re handing the game over to Ravenclaw. Who knows though- maybe Jess or Juls will go home on the other side and that will strengthen my plea of attack Ravenclaw while we still can. Cause there’s 9 Huffleclaw left and 6 of Slytherdor so I’m like... we can’t all be the cute swing vote at merge that gets picked up to be a number but hey what do I know 

[flowerconcept-blog]

neighbor!ken

is……………. kinda a mess

has a lot (like a LOT) of one piece figurines nd plushies….. as well as a lot of regular stuffed animals everywhere…….

he works as a singing instructor and his students always get him stuffed animals because he always mentions he likes them, so it’s like….. he has a bookshelf full of stuffed animals and then there are a couple of books just hanging out

if u looked at his apartment you would probably think it was a teenagers but nope, it’s lee jaehwan’s and he’s a full fledged adult!!!!!

always guaranteed to have a bunch of candy around

spends his nights watching comedy shows and probably attends a monthly comedy workshop where he’s the youngest student and all the old men are like “not bad jaehwan” when he does his mosquito imitation

he loves humor!!!!!! he loves to laugh!!!!!! he tries out the gags he learns on taekwoon and he gets totally shut down it’s ……. well it’s not surprising at all really

ken doesn’t live in the same apartment building as you, but he lives in the one right next door to yours and your living room balconies are only a few feet apart

it took some while getting used to because the two of you are sort of all up in each others business, but your rent is pretty low so honestly it’s worth it

you don’t talk to each other often, but every week or so you end up hanging up the laundry at the same time as jaehwan and he really likes to talk……. so you’ll get in small conversations but you wouldn’t consider yourself friends or anything??

but you kind of wish you were……… because he’s so bright and cheerful and cheesy but in a good way, and you really like to see him rushing around his apartment doing something or another while you’re eating your dinner!!! he just has such a lively energy! and it’s hard not to like him

whenever you catch his eye through your window he waves super enthusiastically and it makes you smile

and honestly jaehwan also really likes to see you snuggled up and watching your dramas…… like the reason you accidentally catch his eye a lot is because he finds it hard to not steal a couple of glances at you when you’re in his eye sight !

he keeps trying to come up with excuses to talk to you or go over to your apartment, but because you’re in different complexes it just feels weird and even he isn’t outgoing enough to go over and try to figure out your apartment number

until one particularly windy day a freak underwear accident happens!!!!!!! fate is real folks

he just did his laundry and a bunch of his underwear (and other clothes but mostly his underwear) are hanging outside to dry and you have your balcony door open because you like the fresh air

but apparently jaehwan didn’t pin his laundry up well enough because suddenly this intense gust of wind catches them and pretty much propels most of his underwear into your apartment

so u……. walk out of your bedroom and……….. there are a bunch of different boxers and boxer briefs on your floor???? some are one piece themed???? some of them are superheroes???? one is even blue and yellow polka dots, the most tame one is a classic plaid

and you’re like. these arent mine wtf

you probably should’ve realized they were jaehwan’s right away from the one piece, but in your defense it’s pretty startling to see a bunch of underwear that you don’t own when you aren’t expecting it

then u hear it…… jaehwan’s loud voice shouting your name

“do you have my underwear?!??!??!?!?” and you’re like “SHHHH i dont want mrs jang upstairs to hear and spread rumors about me!!!!!!”

but jaehwan’s just grinning (why is he smiling??? guess what it’s cuz he finally has an excuse to come over to ur apartment) and is like “i’ll come over to get them!!!!!!”

ur about to be like……..i can just hand em over/? but he’s already out his front door and within 6 minutes there’s a knock on your door and you’re like. i’m don’t think i’m prepared for this…. to see him up close…..

you really aren’t because when you open your door you’re like WOW what a FACE what a VISUAL wow!!!!! (but to yourself because jaehwan does not need that sort of ego boost)

he sort of lets himself into your house and collects his underwear while chatting away and you’re standing there thinking…… wow he could be wearing a pair of batman boxers rn and i honestly….. find that kind of attractive. f*ck

and jaehwan can’t pass this opportunity up so hes like “you saved my favorite pair of underwear…. let me give u something in thanks ;-)” and ur like “that…. is okay” but he’s like “no no please, would u like to come over for some drinks?”

and ur like looking at him and ur like. ummmmmmm. do i? DO I? ?????????

but externally u act cool and calm and collected

that night the two of you get wine drunk (jaehwan strikes me as a wine man) and complain about the bothersome neighborhood association and he does his squidward impression and you do a genuine spittake which just makes him more excited

to be honest the spittake is when he knows you’re The One™

and after that you guys start hanging out more, when the weather is nice you’ll sit on your respective balconies talking and eating your dinner together

but then other times jaehwan shows up with a bottle of wine and popcorn when he sees you watching a movie …. and jaehwan is an extremely cuddly friend you discover, because you always end up with his arm around you but it seems ? to be entirely platonic? as much as you wish it wasn’t

it is not meant to be platonic ,,,,,,,,,,, but despite all jaehwan’s bravado and flirtation he hasn’t genuinely liked someone for a while, so he’s worried about actually asking you out and he’s holding off on it

until one night he and his friends go out to drink and he gets super smashed off of soju, and when he gets back he sees you in your living room and he’s like Thats IT!!! im gonna DO IT!!!im gonna ASK EM OUT!!!! WOOHOOOOO

so he stands on his balcony and HOLLERS your name and u go outside like “jaehwan oh my god it’s almost midnight please be quiet you KNOW mrs jang will call the police”

“I LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I DONT CARe IF THE POLICE KNOW IT!!!!!!”

u……………… are truly shocked………. happy of course because you like him too but you know drunk jaehwan and you know you need to pacify him somehow or he’ll wake up the whole complex

so ur like “i like you too jaehwan but you need to go to sleep!!!”

and hes whining “kissssss meeeee” and makes a kissing face and you want to die but you tell him you’ll kiss him if he promises to go to sleep right after

your first kiss is the two of you leaning across your balconies and jaehwan smelling of booze and you will never let him live it down but it still manages to be the start of a pretty darn great relationship

the next morning he texts you like “im so sorry but also you like me ;-) lol”

“jaehwan you like me too you idiot”

“wanna date?”

cute am i right!!!!!!!! your relationship doesn’t change that much but now he’s super aggressive with cuddling and kisses and super whiny when you tell him you need to do work or have to go

buys you pajamas that match his and coos at you when you wear them!!!! always asking if u guys can adopt a dog and you have to remind him of the apartment rules and he’s like well when we move into a house together can we adopt a dog and ur blushing but ur like yes jaehwan!!!! takes you to comedy classes and it’s a big mess but you enjoy it !! sings loudly in your shower and acts like he didn’t know you could hear when he comes out

he’s wearing his one piece underwear the first time you have sex and calls them his lucky boxers and you hate that you find that endearing

just really enjoys engulfing you in hugs and kisses and being a vaguely annoying but still pretty cute bf

[mrlongkgraves]

Author addresses moral distress in nursing in new book

One nurse devotes her career to understanding and tackling ethics issues in nursing that threaten to undermine not only the profession, but also healthcare quality.

Cynda Hylton Rushton, RN

Meet Cynda Hylton Rushton, PhD, RN, FAAN, the Anne and George L. Bunting professor of clinical ethics at Johns Hopkins University who co-chairs the Johns Hopkins Medicine’s Ethics Consultation Service.

She co-led the first National Nursing Ethics Summit, which resulted in “A Blueprint for 21st Century Nursing Ethics.”

In her new book, “Moral Resilience: Transforming Moral Suffering in Healthcare,” Rushton takes a first-ever systematic look at moral resilience in nursing in the hope others use it as a catalyst to learn more. (Get a 30% discount on Rushton’s book by using code AMPROMD9 at checkout.)

We asked Rushton what fuels her work in ethics, how ethical issues might affect nurses professionally and personally and what nurses can do to help themselves and their profession.

You said the bedside experience has informed everything you have done professionally. What did you mean by that?

Rushton: I consider myself to be kind of a nurse’s nurse. I have always been committed to my clinical practice. And it has always been in that context that I’ve learned the most about myself and about what it means to be a nurse and … the moral adversity that comes with the role.

I started out in the pediatric ICU and often was confronted with questions about how we ought to be using our technology to sustain the lives of children who had life-threatening diseases or injuries. I worked with families to try to figure out what was the right thing to do for their children.

It was really through those roles that I became more and more interested in the ambiguity and uncertainty that was part of our work — especially as technology was expanding at a really rapid rate.

I do quite a bit of ethics consultation and, of course, that brings me right back to the bedside with patients, families and distressed staff. It’s clearly what keeps things current and real for me.

Do you have an example of an ethical dilemma in nursing?

Rushton: There are just so many. A lot of them have to do with end-of-life care.

One example is a child with a very complex congenital heart defect and the need for sometimes innovative and risky surgery that could leave the child with a high risk of death or disability and yet parents want to do everything possible to help their child.

Of course, we want every child to live well, but sometimes in our attempts what ends up happening is a very prolonged period of time where children are tethered to technology.

As a nurse, you witness how much the child is suffering, as well as people around the child — the family and often the clinicians. We struggle trying to figure out how far we should go and what amount of suffering is reasonable to endure to give a child a chance for life.

I think there are issues around how do we demonstrate respect for people whose choices are contrary to our core values? For example, a parent who intentionally harms a child and that renders the child with a devastating head injury. Yet our job is to care for both the child and the family regardless of how that child arrived in our care.

Those are the kinds of things that really call into question our core values about ourselves and our work.

What does it mean to practice ethically as a nurse?

Rushton: I think practicing ethically means that we first know who we are, what we stand for and what our core and professional values are. Then, it means having a way to recognize when ethical issues are arising that threaten those values and know how to think through and navigate them in a way that reflects the values that are most important.

Values like respect, compassion and justice are part of many people’s personal values and are very clearly part of our professional values as nurses and our code of ethics.

It’s an ongoing process of recognition and discernment. Nurses need to have the skills and tools. They need to practice in an environment that fosters their ability to do just that.

That includes having mechanisms where speaking up about concerns is an accepted response and those concerns are heard and responded to in a respectful way. That means there are recourses that can be leveraged to support nurses to do the right thing, like ethics committees and consultation services.

It also means organizations have proactive ways to recognize the patterns that create ethical challenges for people and take action to address them.

What forces in healthcare might impede ethical practice?

Rushton: I think there are many, many forces that impact nurses’ ability to practice ethically, including external forces that have to do with financial arrangements and incentives. These include insurance and how we allocate resources and budget in terms of recognizing the pivotal role that nurses play in healthcare.

There are laws and regulations that create pressures around things like documentation that influence the way nurses practice.

I also think there are issues in society — some of which I’ve already mentioned — that show up in healthcare related to social determinants of health. In many places, those include the erosion of community programs to support people to recover and to heal from illness or injury and breakdown of relationships in society.

If you look at the Future of Nursing report, one of the things they called for was for nurses to practice at the top of their license and training. I think that is still a barrier for some nurses — that they are not in environments where their authority and expertise is fully recognized and honored.

Why is it important to have a foundation of ethical practice? For example, do we know what happens when nurses feel unethical?

Rushton: Ethical practice is foundational to what it means to be a nurse. Without a moral compass, we are really rudderless in the sea of complexity that we practice in. We have to have some grounding that helps us when things are uncertain or ambiguous to sort of keep us connected to why we’re doing the work we’re doing.

For example, our code of ethics is really clear about our obligations to the promise we’ve made to the public in terms of how we will serve them with respect and compassion and fairness.

Without those values, it’s easy for us to get distracted with things that don’t really matter but are sort of propelling us in a direction that doesn’t really reflect why we’re here.

What we know from research on moral distress in nursing is that having a gap between our values and what we actually do (if we are not able to do the right thing) causes moral distress. We know there’s a relationship between moral distress and burnout, and that those situations are clearly a factor in the health and well-being of the workforce.

That has huge implications both locally and nationally, because without a healthy nursing workforce this healthcare system is unsustainable.

So, it’s really a call to action to say we have got to pay attention to the signals and data about both moral distress and burnout and to take action at a systemic level to address the causes of moral distress and burnout.

Resources to learn more about moral distress in nursing

Johns Hopkins Berman Institute of Bioethics 

The American Nurses Association Center for Ethics and Human Rights

The National Academy of Medicine Action Collaborative on Clinician Well-being and Resilience 

The University of Kentucky Moral Distress Education Project

  Take these courses related to moral distress in nursing:

Pain Management and Ethics: What’s the Right Thing to Do? (1 contact hr) Healthcare professionals in most disciplines encounter patients with pain every day. Whether responsible for making assessments, prescribing treatment, or managing care, the professional must continuously make decisions on how to care for a patient with pain. In the current climate of escalating opioid abuse, it may seem that the struggle to determine “the right thing to do” is even more complex. Often the right answer is blurred by the subjective nature and experience of pain itself. Adding new legal restrictions and guidelines to many analgesic agents (most often opioids) further complicates how patients are scrutinized and treated for their pain. Because the treatment of pain has historically always been a moral endeavor, please join a discussion with a pain management expert to look at how ethics, values, and teamwork may contribute to better care for patients with complex pain management issues.

Everyday Ethics for Nurses (7.3 contact hrs) This course provides an overview of bioethics as it applies to healthcare and nursing in the U.S. It begins by describing the historical events and forces that brought the bioethics movement into being and explains the concepts, theories, and principles that are its underpinnings. It shows how ethics functions within nursing and on a hospital-wide, interdisciplinary ethics committee. The course explains the elements of ethical decision-making as they apply both to the care of patients and to ethics committees. The course concludes with a look at the ethical challenges involved in physician-assisted suicide, organ transplantation, and genetic testing.

End-of-Life Issues (1 contact hr) Much of the literature indicates that although most people, given the choice, would prefer to die at home, many will die in institutions. Caring for a patient approaching the end of life continues to challenge the most skilled, educated, and talented practitioners. Nurses have an obligation to address end-of-life issues with patients and families by addressing concerns, such as fear of abandonment, losing control of bodily functions, and being overwhelmed with pain or distress. This module will provide an overview for clinicians who provide comfort and support to dying patients and their families, regardless of the setting in which care is provided.

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[anavoliselenu]

In flight chapter 14

What came up was overwhelming, and filled with even more unpleasant surprises than I was prepared for. I had been aware that he was a young but well-known billionaire. I had expected some attention from the media in his direction, just from his looks and money alone. But I couldn’t have anticipated what I found.

I was out of touch with current events, to say the least. I didn’t watch the news, and you couldn’t pay me to watch some of the celebrity entertainment shows that were on television, and I certainly wasn’t interested in print tabloids. I’d never understood the appeal of things like that. I had just never been able to relate to anything about them. They usually centered around spoiled rich people, and I just didn’t get the appeal. That could perhaps excuse the fact that I was utterly clueless about the man I’d had a brief affair with.

I clicked on the images portion first. It was mostly shots on red carpets. He seemed to have endless pictures posing with countless women, though Jules was in a sickening majority of them.

He wore tux after tux, some fashion forward, some classic. She wore gowns in every color, always looking beyond stunning. The two of them together made a dauntingly beautiful pair. He wore suits in other pictures, to what I assumed were less formal red carpet events. I was shocked to see that I even recognized some of the other women he had dated.

I recognized a very famous actress. I hadn’t realized she was so tiny until I saw her standing beside Justin’s tall figure. She barely came to his chest. I had liked a few of her films, but I felt an unreasonable rush of dislike for her when I saw that she had attended at least three events with him.

I recognized yet another woman, a voluptuous, dead behind the eyes reality star. She was dark-haired and dark complexioned. Her curves very nearly ran to fat, I decided cattily. She was so short that they looked ridiculous side by side.

I felt sick when I saw him next to one woman who had the caption ‘fetish p*rn star’ right under the picture.

He always looked spectacularly handsome, regardless of who he had on his arm, but I was getting a bigger and drastically different view of him now. And I didn’t like what I was seeing.

Farther down on the image page I saw a picture of him and Jules dressed down in jeans. It was a rare sight, so I clicked on it. I got a larger view, with a small gossip article. They were holding hands in the picture. The article said that she was rumored to be his longtime on-again off-again girlfriend.

I turned on my phone just long enough to send Justin the image.

Selena: You Liar. I’ll speak to you on Monday because I said I would, but I’ve begun to do my research, and I’m quickly seeing that I don’t know anything about you.

I didn’t bother to read the dozen unread messages above the one I had sent him, but I got a response almost immediately, and I did read that.

Justin: Please don’t believe that tabloid garbage. I’ll admit I never discouraged the rumors about Jules being my girlfriend, but they were only rumors. She has never been my girlfriend. She’s my best buddy’s sister. I promise I will never escort her to another event for the rest of my life, but last night was not a date with her. It was a long standing social obligation. If I had tried to put myself in your shoes, I would have seen how hurtful it could look to you. I apologize for that. I would give anything if I could do it differently. But please, just try to give me the benefit of the doubt, and stop looking at tabloids. I’m still in New York working, since you won’t see me, but it’s killing me that I hurt you and that I can’t make it right. I could be on a flight within the hour. Just say the word, love.

I turned my phone off after that. His one message almost had me softening towards him, and I just wasn’t going to let that happen. Fool me once…

I went back to my own personal torture of sifting through gossip about Justin Archibald Basil Cavendish, The Third. I hadn’t even known his middle names, or that he had two of them. A random gossip site had had to tell me. Of course, he didn’t know mine, either.

I found articles about his parents, and even a few pictures. They were a stunning couple. His mother was a dark-haired, dark-eyed, ravishing beauty with Justin’s golden skin and pretty mouth. His father was devastatingly handsome and blond, with beautiful turquoise eyes that made my gut clench with recognition. I could see how such a combination of people could create a masterpiece like Justin.

An article I found about them wrote about how they had died in a car accident. Their tragedy, and a beautiful young Justin, a billionaire before he was even fourteen, had quickly been propelled into the spotlight and romanticized.

I caught little snippets and even a picture of his infamous deceased guardian, and the full details of that scandal. The man was in his early thirties in the first picture. He was handsome, with light brownish-blond hair, like Justin, but a paler complexion. And he was slender to the point of frail, with creepy, pale green eyes. Spencer Charles Douglas Cavendish had been a predator in the skin of a lamb. I felt a hate for him that made bile rise in my throat.

I read the article about his death. Spencer Cavendish had been killed by an enraged lover. One Lowell Blankenship had been drugged and handcuffed by the frail Spencer. Lowell had commented that he had consented to have sex with Spencer, but that he hadn’t agreed to any of the other ‘sick shit’ the man had forced upon him. Spencer had been strangled to death when he had unlocked the handcuffs of the much larger Lowell. I personally thought he deserved a far more painful death.

There were countless other articles about Justin’s numerous business ventures. I just skimmed over these. I did learn that he was into much more than just the hotel industry, and I wasn’t surprised.

I read through a three page article about his two month affair with a platinum hit singer. She was barely nineteen, and it had been less than six months since their split.

Dammit, I have some of her songs on my mp3 player, I thought in disgust. He had his hand on her nape in one of the pictures. I wanted to throw something.

There were a few articles that hinted briefly about him being a kinky sex partner, but that was all that I found that was even close to touching on his BDSM lifestyle. I wondered how he’d kept it so well under wraps.

I turned off my computer, striding into my bedroom and tearing the painting of him from the wall. I tried to make myself tear it up, but I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I put it into my chest of old watercolors.

I turned my phone on again. I ignored all of the new missed calls and texts from Justin. I texted Stephan, asking if I could come over. He answered instantly with a yes.

I went over, and we watched TV and ate too much ice cream. It helped, but as soon as we stopped watching, I started thinking again. That’s how we ended up catching up on my TV until nearly two a.m on a work night. We had an early morning, but Stephan didn’t complain.

“I spoke at length to Justin today,” Stephan told me after we’d been watching TV for hours.

I just nodded.

“Want me to tell you about it?”

I shook my head.

“Okay. Let me know if you do.”

“I need some time. I read up on him online. I’m feeling less inclined than ever to even speak to him again.”

Stephan took a deep breath. “That’s something I wanted to talk about, actually, if you’re willing to hear what I think about the whole thing right now.”

I just studied him for a minute. He looked nervous, which meant I wouldn’t like what he was going to say. “Not right now,” I said.

“I think I can at least understand now why he wanted to keep his relationship with you private.”

I held a hand up. “No more. It sounds a lot like you’re taking his side right now. I just can’t handle that at the moment.” Unwilling tears welled up as I spoke.

He pulled me against his chest, kissing the top of my head. “Never, Buttercup. I’m always on your side. Always. We’ll talk about it when you’re ready.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Mr. Cavendish

I was grateful for busy flights at work the following day. We had full planes going both ways on our turn. I barely had time to eat, and I was avoiding thinking at all costs. I didn’t even have my phone. It was still at home, by my bed, and turned off.

The Agents were present, and I felt a moment of unreasonable anger at them when I first spotted the one in my cabin. I squelched the emotion, just serving them as they alternated cabins on the return flight. I made myself brush off the implication that Justin still had a reason to keep an eye on me. I would set him straight on Monday, and then this nonsense would be over for good.

I was, thankfully, exhausted by the time I got back home that night. I only performed the minimum bedtime preparations before practically falling into bed.

I slept in late the next morning. Even after I woke up, I moved slowly. It took me nearly an hour to prepare and feed myself breakfast.

I felt like a zombie, too numb to even cry. I thought it was an improvement.

Stephan and I had a monthly lunch date with several of the other members of our flight attendant class at eleven. I was skipping out. It was a boisterous, funny, close-knit group. The lunches were always a great time. There were twelve of us in total that went, and we usually caught up with each other over lunch. We often caught a movie afterward or even headed to Stephan’s house, on occasion. I wasn’t up for any of it. Stephan had promised to make my excuses. He had offered to skip out with me, but I wouldn’t hear of it. I knew he was a social creature, and the lunches were always a highlight for him.

I tried to paint. One look at my canvas of a nude Justin changed my mind . I put the painting in my spare room with trembling hands. I just didn’t have it in me to deal with it at that moment.

Finally, I went the masochistic route, turning on my computer again. I set out to do more painful research on my famous ex-lover.

If I had been shocked by what my search had turned up the first time, I was utterly floored by what I found then. What a difference a few days had made.

Now, typing Justin Cavendish into the search engine brought up an entirely new batch of photos that the first search hadn’t. Pictures of me. I had never thought of myself as a beauty. My features were even and symmetrical and my coloring was a soft natural blond, but I had always just considered myself attractive, if I was in a kind mood. I usually photographed well. I even had a picture-ready smile. If it wasn’t all that sincere, it was at least polished and convincing enough at a distance. These weren’t those kinds of pictures.

They had obviously been snapped as I was stumbling out of Justin’s building. I looked disheveled, and, well, horrible. I was ghostly pale, my eyes red and bloodshot. There was mascara running down my face in dark lines. It made me look at least forty years old, instead of twenty-three.

My uniform was in shambles, the buttons of my blouse misaligned by at least three. I hadn’t even noticed at the time. My shirt was untucked, and the top was hanging low, showing an almost obscene amount of cl**vage. My hair was a tangled mess.

I looked like I was drunk and about to throw up in the street. I was teetering on the edge of the sidewalk. Apparently, I had looked as awful as I had felt that night. And the pictures were everywhere. One gossip site after another had scented the story of trouble in paradise. Though they all seemed to have a slightly different slant on it.

One site named me a ‘Vegas floozy’ who had come between Jules and Justin, though the site claimed that their love would endure the scandal. I saw that they were commonly referred to on the gossip sites as J&J. It made me want to throw up.

One site called me a ‘Low Class Inflight’, who had broken the heart of a distraught Jules. That one hurt, with side by side pictures of the two of us. The picture of Jules showed her in the pale gray gown she’d been wearing that night, giving a stiff smile at the camera. She looked strained, but at least she’d known she was being photographed. I saw farther down on the same article that they had indeed still attended the charity event together, in spite of the obvious strain yet another of Justin’s affairs had caused on the beautiful couple. The article concluded that their love would prevail over Justin’s weakness for cheap women.

I wouldn’t have been surprised if Jules had written the article herself, it was so biased towards her. It made her out to be a long-suffering Saint. I’d met the woman, if only briefly. She was no Saint.

One site called me a ‘Blond Sky Slut,’ and claimed that I was trying to trap Justin with a baby. I couldn’t believe all of the lies that could be concocted from a few short minutes worth of unsolicited photos, and all of a woman no one had ever heard of. It was shocking, and infuriating, and sickening.

One site resorted to drawing giant penises all over my face, saying that I ‘gave the best head’, and that was the only reason Justin would risk his long-time lover’s wrath. Supposedly several of the site’s sources knew it first-hand. The lies made me feel ill.

One site claimed I was part of a high-priced flight attendant prostitution ring, and that Justin obviously needed to ask for his money back.

I was almost flattered for a moment as I read the headline of one article. It claimed I was a ‘Swedish Bikini Model’. That sounded complimentary. Until I scrolled to the bottom of the article, which had a link it claimed went to a porno, starring me. I didn’t bother to click on it. I knew for a fact that it wasn’t me, and I didn’t want to see what it actually was.

Another said I was a cocktail waitress, and yet another said that I was a stripper with the stage name ‘Glory Hole’. The slurs went on and on, and I felt humiliated, angry, and heartsick.

This was the price I had to pay for one week of pleasure? I thought in disgust. I was going celibate for the rest of my life.

And I hated myself, for being just as upset that Justin and Jules had still gone out together that night as I was by all of the horrible lies being spread about me…

I got my phone out of my bedroom, finally turning it on after days in the off position. I went straight to Stephan’s name in my texts, completely ignoring all of the other messages and calls that I had missed. I’d missed one from Stephan as well. It had been sent twenty minutes ago.

Stephan: Buttercup, I’ll be home soon. Finishing up lunch now. We need to talk. Please don’t look at anything online until I get there.

I snorted. He should have known better. If I hadn’t already looked, his odd message would have sent me straight to my computer.

I heard the doorbell ring.

That was quick, I thought, as I strode directly to the door.

I wondered why he didn’t just let himself in. He was rarely so formal. He even had my alarm code.

A cold shiver ran through me. I couldn’t place why. Cautiously, I checked the peephole. It was covered.

By a hand, I thought. It made me angry.

I swung the door open, ready to chew Stephan a new one. “You know better than to mess with me like that, Stephan. It’s a mean prank-”

I couldn’t finish as a huge hand seized my throat, shoving me back into the house. I couldn’t even scream as the hand tightened. I blinked, trying to focus on the coldly furious face in front of me. The familiar pale-blue, bloodshot eyes. I could do nothing as the huge blond man picked me up by the throat, and shoved me across the room, my back hitting the wall with a jarring thud.

I clawed at the giant hand that held me suspended like a rag doll. It had no effect. My throat burned, and the impact with the wall had knocked the wind out of me, but the pain was secondary to the terror that gripped me.

A question consumed my thoughts. It was an old familiar pattern for me, when this madman, who exercised so little control over his rage, held me in his grasp. The question circled my brain like a persistent cancer. Would he kill me this time? He always threatened to. Ever since I had stood, not more than four feet away, and watched in horror as he pushed the gun my mother held into her mouth, and pulled the trigger. I had watched in helpless horror as his finger covered hers on that trigger, and pulled so slowly.

Blood had splattered all three of us, but he hadn’t seemed to notice.

At the moment, his words were a confusing tangle of Swedish and English, and I couldn’t for the life of me understand it. I had never been fluent in Swedish, but I’d had to understand it as a child, since my father stubbornly insisted on using it at home. But, either from terror or disuse, any ability to understand it was failing me. I tried to speak, to tell him that, but his hand was still at my throat, cutting off my ability to speak.

His hand relaxed on my throat just enough for me to take a breath. I gasped, then grunted and whimpered as his fist made hard contact with my ribs. I sobbed in another breath, still desperate for air.

He spoke again. This time it was a heavily accented but understandable string of English. “Don’t get the idea that a rich boyfriend will keep you safe from me. If you even think about speaking to the police, I will still kill you. Do you understand?”

I couldn’t speak, but I tried. God, did I try. Finally, I just nodded, but it wasn’t enough. One of those massive fists made contact with my stomach once, and then again. I started to crumble, but he pushed my shoulder into the wall hard enough to keep me upright.

“Look at me,” my father’s cold voice ordered.

I did, getting a good look at him for the first time since he’d charged, like a madman, through my door. It had been six years since I’d seen him, but he’d aged twenty. He was even heavier now, his face dissipated with the signs of a life lived in excess. He was a drunk, a smoker, a chronic gambler, a murderer, and God only knew what else. It had all taken it’s toll on his once handsome face.

I called myself a thousand kinds of fool. I’d known he would never leave Vegas. He had gambled to stay afloat since his parents had disowned him at least twenty-four years before. I had prayed that his destructive lifestyle would take care of him on it’s own, but it had been too much to hope for.

Thinking it was Stephan at my door was no excuse. I was an idiot for letting my guard down for even a second. But he had somehow known when to strike. I was so depressed and despondent that my brain wasn’t working properly. The thought of a real threat had been so far from my mind…

“People have been asking about me, people I don’t know. What did you tell your rich boyfriend about me? Did you tell him about your mother’s death?”

“No,” I sobbed. “I don’t know what people you’re talking about. I didn’t tell him anything. I swear it.”

My words were useless. They always were. My father was a man of action. He grabbed my arm with one hand, punching me in the side with the other. He always spread his punches out. He caught a spot at my back and my spine bowed in pain.

He swept my legs out from under me. I went down easily. He kicked me once, hard, in the back. He walked around me, bringing a booted heel to my neck. “It would be easier than taking a simple step for me to kill you. You understand this? My weight alone will crush your windpipe. Is this how you want to die? Because if you tell anyone what I did to your mother, there is no reason why I shouldn’t kill you. I would not hesitate. Do you understand, sotnos?”

“Yes,” I croaked out. It was a struggle to get that one word out with that huge boot on my neck.

He picked me up, effortlessly propping me back on my feet. “And your man needs to quit poking around in my business.” He raised an enormous fist above me, bringing it down on the back of my head. My world went black.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Epilogue

I awoke to the biggest, baddest headache of my life. It was a doozy. I wanted to sink back into unconsciousness immediately. It was my first conscious thought.

I opened my eyes the tiniest crack. It made the pain even worse, so I shut them again.

I’m in a hospital, was my second conscious thought. Everything, from the way I was propped up, to the smell, to all of the little beeps, clued me in. My third thought was that my head wasn’t the only thing wrong with me. Almost every part of my body throbbed, head to toe.

My hands seemed to be unharmed. My right hand was clutched in a warm, hard hand. I knew that it must be Stephan at my side, and I felt better just from the knowledge of his steady presence. I was in bad shape, but I was alive. And I had Stephan.

I made a second attempt to open my eyes. It was marginally more successful than the first try, but agonizing pain still shot through my temples. I glanced toward the man sitting at my right. I was more than a little unsettled to see that it wasn’t Stephan.

Golden-brown hair trailed into an achingly beautiful face as Justin leaned over my hand, his face stark and desolate, his eyes red, his pretty mouth pursed as though he were in pain. He had the posture of someone who had been sitting slumped over that way for hours, if not days. He looked so tragic that way, and so heart-achingly handsome, that I felt an instant softening towards him. I wasn’t thinking very clearly, but I tried to reach out briefly to comfort him.

My arm didn’t move much, but I was able to grip his hand with a tiny, reassuring squeeze.

His head shot up, his eyes searching. Those vibrant blue eyes looked on the verge of tears. It was surreal to see him like that. He swallowed hard.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. He reached over and pushed a button just to my right, but behind me. And then both of his hands gripped mine, stroking it softly.

My voice was raspy and weak, but I answered him. “Alive.”

He blinked, and a tear slipped down the planes of that perfect golden cheek.

I blinked at him, wondering if I was dreaming. This was such a strange Justin that sat in front of me, nearly a stranger. But then again, he had always been a stranger. Hadn’t he?

“Where’s Stephan?” I asked him. It hurt to talk, so I vowed to keep my talking to a minimum.

“He went to get coffee. He’s been glued to your side.” He nodded at a spot on the other side of me. There was another chair placed right at my side. “He’s even been sleeping there.”

I processed his words, then almost immediately broke my vow of silence. “How long have I been out?”

He lowered his head, touching his forehead to my hand. “Three days. Forever.”

I sighed, feeling a little relieved. It could have been worse. “How long have you been here?” I asked him.

His face looked impossibly tired as he gazed down at our joined hands. “I showed up at your house as the ambulance was taking you away. We followed it to the hospital. Stephan and I were both just minutes too late…”

“You came to my house early,” I said, a small thread of accusation in my voice.

He just nodded. “Yes. But not early enough,” he said, and I could tell that he was blaming himself for what had happened, for showing up too late to stop it, which was crazy, of course.

I supposed, in a disconnected kind of way, that someone who needed so badly to be in control, must also feel the need to take a disproportionate amount of responsibility for things, even things that were completely out of his control. I squeezed his hand.

“How long have you been at the hospital?” I asked again.

He just blinked at me. “Since then, Love. Do you think I could leave you like this?”

My brow furrowed. “Don’t you have work to do?”

He laughed, and it was a rusty sound. “I’m taking some time off.”

I noticed for the first time that the private room we were in was filled to bursting with flowers. They ranged from exotic bouquets, to decadent roses, to simple carnations. It seemed that every flower was represented in the many vases around the room.

“You did this,” I said, as I took it all in.

He kissed my hand. “Not just me,” he said. “The white lilies are from Stephan. And those sunflowers are from Damien and Murphy. The mixed wildflowers are from your airline. And that mixed bouquet is from a group of flight attendants from your class. I got the rest.”

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” he murmured, watching me like a hawk.

Stephan came in then, and rushed to my other side. Tears ran down his face as he grabbed my other hand.

“How do you feel?” he asked, sitting in what was obviously his chair at my other side..

I grimaced. “Alive.”

“I should go get the nurse,” Stephan said, starting to stand.

“I buzzed her. She’s usually prompt, so she’ll be here any time now,” Justin told him.

Stephan sat again. He stroked my hand comfortingly. “I was just speaking to the police. They want to talk to you when you feel up to it. I told them that I thought it was your father, but I didn’t see him, so they won’t take my word for it. It was your father, right?”

I just nodded, wincing. “Later. I’m definitely not feeling up to it right now. What day is it?”

“Thursday,” Stephan told me.

My eyes widened, my mind automatically going to work. “We fly out tonight?” I asked him.

He patted my hand. “I talked to the director of inflight. He had no problem letting us switch our vacation time, with you being hospitalized. He was actually really great about it, knowing we couldn’t take that much time off unpaid, and that I couldn’t work with you hurt like this. We’ve got two weeks off, so don’t worry about work.”

I shut my eyes in relief. “Thanks, Stephan. You’re the best.”

Justin’s hand tightened on mine. “That’s not enough time. And if you’re that worried about money-”

“Don’t,” I told him, my eyes still closed.

His mention of money opened the floodgate, and I suddenly remembered, quite vividly, why he had no reason to be by my side. I started to withdraw my hand.

He clutched it, and my eyes snapped open, glaring at him. The look in his eyes stopped my hand, and I just didn’t have the heart to glare at someone who looked so…desperate.

“Okay, I won’t. I’m sorry. I just wanted to help,” he reassured me in a way that seemed foreign to him. No one could say he wasn’t trying…

The nurse arrived, checking on me. She asked me about the pain, and I saw her pushing the painkiller button several times. I drifted off.

Both men were seemingly unmoved when I roused again. I could see from the slightly opened shades that it was dark outside. Both of my hands were still warmly enveloped.

“How long was I out that time?” I asked.

Stephan seemed to be dozing, but Justin had his eyes open. He looked like he was praying over my hand.

“Fourteen hours,” Justin said, and kissed my hand. “I think you’ve taken ten years off my life this week.” He reached to punch a button, and I knew he was calling for the nurse again.

It was a different nurse this time, I absently noted, as she left after checking and medding me. They had both been pleasant and quick. I wondered if the hospital always had such good service, or if this was the Justin Cavendish effect.

“You don’t have to stay here,” I told him, as I began to drift off again. He sent me such a hurt look that I tried to take it back even as I sank into a drugged sleep.

Days went by like that, floating in and out of consciousness while my body healed. It was five days before I was up and about. And even then it was a limited amount of activity.

I had a severe concussion, some internal bleeding, and some badly bruised ribs. From the way they felt, I found it hard to believe they weren’t broken. I hated to imagine what they would feel like if they were actually broken, if this was what bruised felt like.

I found out from the doctor that I would be in the hospital for several more days, under observation. All of my injuries were painful, but survivable. I was lucky, I knew. It could have been so much worse.

I had several visitors. The rest of our crew even visited once, pilots included. They wished me well, and chatted pleasantly about nothing important. Neither of the men at my side even offered their spots to the other visitors. I wasn’t surprised.

Justin’s hand tightened on mine once, when Damien reached down to pat my leg. I knew Damien was just being friendly. He would have patted my hand, probably, if they weren’t both already taken.

Justin and Stephan never wandered far from their seats at my side, day or night. Occasionally, they took turns sleeping on a tiny bed that folded out from the wall in the far corner of the room. I couldn’t imagine either man was getting much sleep on the uncomfortably hard looking bed. It was both heartwarming and baffling to me, these two amazing men that insisted on watching over me, completely unconcerned for their own comforts.

A neat, business-like blond woman kept coming in and out of the room, silently handing Justin his phone, or his laptop, or even the occasional stack of papers. I supposed that was how he was able to spend so much time at my side.

“You don’t have to stay here,” I told him. “I understand that you have work to do.”

He just gave me a dismissive glance, working on his laptop.

I was nearly recovered enough to be discharged before Stephan brought up the attack again. “Why did he come after you again, after all these years?” he asked in a hushed voice. Justin was dozing in his bedside chair.

“He mentioned something about people asking questions about him, people that he didn’t know. He saw me in the tabloids, I suppose, and blamed me. He also seemed to think that dating a rich man would make me more likely to get brave and go to the police about him.”

“This was my fault,” Justin spoke, making me start in surprise. His face was ashen. “I’m so sorry.”

I arched a brow at him. “That’s a bit of a stretch. And, anyways, my father wasn’t wrong. I am feeling brave now.”

Justin tried to get me to explain what I meant, but I wasn’t sharing anymore. And there was nothing to share with Stephan. He already knew everything.

I caught the tail end of a hushed conversation as I woke up one morning, days later.

“I think that will do more harm than good,” Stephan was saying to Justin. “She won’t like it. Just give her time, Justin. I know it’s hard, but you’ll have to be patient.”

“What’re ya talkin’ bout?” I mumbled, as my brain crawled out of sleep.

Both men looked a little guilty at being caught discussing me, but neither answered.

“Spill it, Stephan.”

He sighed. “Justin would like to take you to a quiet place to heal. He was suggesting a place on the beach, maybe. And we were trying to figure out how to handle the media circus that seems to follow Justin around.”

I went from groggy to alert as he spoke.

Justin gave me a very solemn look. “I can’t tell you how much I didn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire of my media circus of a life. That is the entire reason that I wanted to keep our relationship quiet, at first. I was suggesting that I release a statement about our relationship so it’s clear that you and I are together and exclusive. And that Jules is and only ever has been a friend of mine. I hate the implication that you are usurping on her territory. Nothing could be further from the truth.”

I pulled my hand away from Justin, then raised it when he tried to protest.

“Stephan, give us a moment, please,” I said solemnly.

He left without a word, beating a rather hasty retreat.

Justin’s jaw had clenched, and he looked angry and pleading all at once. “Please don’t shut me out, Selena,” he said quietly.

I took a deep breath. My chest hurt. It wasn’t just from the fists that had marked it. It was a deeper pain. “Justin, this has all happened too quickly. I need to take a step back.”

He looked down, hiding his pain-filled eyes, that lovely mouth twisting in a heart-wrenching way. “Please.” His voice was quiet. “I can’t stand the thought of losing you. What can I do?”

I swallowed past a very thick lump in my throat. “Just give me time, please. Things between us happened too fast, and everything that’s happened since has just made me realize that. I can’t think when we’re together. You just sweep me up and I seem to lose all semblance of sane thought. I don’t know that I can be a part of your life, or that I can even accept whatever little piece of it you would carve out for me.” I could tell he wanted to argue, but I quieted him with a look.

“Just give me some time,” I finally repeated. “That’s all I ask. We can discuss this thing we have in a few weeks, maybe a month, if you still want to. Frankly, I half-expect you to just move on in that time.”

He looked very angry now, but he studied me, and I could see that he tried to tamp it down.

“Please have more faith in me than that,” he said quietly. “Will you at least allow me to call you? Or even text you?”

I closed my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep, wanting to cry like a baby. “I’ll contact you,” was all I said.

He clutched my hand. “It feels like you’ve already written me off. I wish I knew the words to say to help you understand how serious I am about you.”

There were tears in his voice, and it broke my heart. But he didn’t really try to find any of the words. He never spoke of love, or even how much he cared. It made it easier for me to do what needed to be done. It helped me to tell myself, We barely know each other. This could all mean nothing to him in a month. If he had said he loved me, I might not have been able to manage it.

“I haven’t written you off. I just need time, and space. As you’ve seen and heard, I’m going to be fine. I’ll be released from the hospital anytime now. Today, probably. Stephan will take care of me after that.”

I kept my eyes closed. It was so much easier to say the words when I wasn’t looking at him.

“Goodbye, Justin,” I told him, my voice oddly thick. It was a dismissal.

He kissed my forehead. I felt him watching me for long minutes. Finally, after a suspenseful wait, he departed.

I felt tears slip down my cheeks, but only after he’d gone.

Stephan re-entered some time later. I suspected he had walked Justin out. He came right to my side, seeming to know, without a word from me, what had transpired. “Are you okay, Selena?”

I nodded. “I want to get out of here. And I’m ready to talk to the police, Stephan. I’m going to tell them everything.”

�P鄟