#y’all WILL be getting the transition timeline for 1 year

[briannysey]

Can you believe this lady’s had estrogen sculpting her face 11 months? Wild

[shadyb00ts]

How 2020 Turned Me Into A Swiftie Again

If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d have not one but two Taylor Swift albums in my year-end favorites list, I would’ve thought you were out of your mind. Then again, stranger things have happened in this hellscape of a year.

I’m really not sure where the first time I heard the phrase “Life is too short to pretend to hate Taylor Swift” was. I have no idea who originated it, but it stuck with me when I started to unpack that about a year ago, during her Lover era. By then, my perception and feelings about Taylor had been very... inconsistent, to say the least. I started out as a full-on stan, then it dwindled from there overtime until I basically became a hater, which then turned into indifference but silent respect. Now, I’m pretty much on the road to becoming a stan again. Revisiting her catalog, analyzing her lyrics, watching interviews, the works. 

I wanted to examine what it was that made my opinions about her go through so many steep rises and falls within this entire decade. Part of it was her shift in musical style that I didn’t quite mesh with, but another part was owning up to the internal biases I had when I was younger and how gullible I was in going along with whatever the media or the popular conscious was saying about her and the kind of person she is. 

I’m somebody who’s incapable of separating art from the artist. I simply don’t listen to artists when I don’t like them as people or don’t agree with their actions. Examples include but are not limited to Kim Petras, Melanie Martinez, Azealia Banks, Grimes, just to name a few. I have my own personal reasons for just not wanting to engage with any of their music, and if you still want to, that’s none of my business.

At some point in my life, I think Taylor got on that list. Looking back on it now, I find that completely ridiculous, because she never really did anything or acted in a way that warranted that reaction out of me. So I wanted to delve into how that even came about in the first place.

With that said, I want to take a trip down memory lane and go back through her eras, and go through the timeline of my strange relationship with Taylor Swift’s body of work as well as her public persona. Fair warning, it’s gonna be really cheesy and emotional at parts, but it is fully my truth. Thank you in advance if you manage to read the whole thing.

Part 1: The Country Era

It’s 2010 and I’m in eighth grade. I’m in an extremely Muslim country, the only son of an extremely Muslim family that enrolled me in an extremely Muslim school. I’m getting bullied by the boys in my class for being too feminine and being ignored by the girls for being a boy. The last close friend I had from elementary school had just moved away the year prior, and I’d never felt more alone in my life.

I was a closeted gay kid still trying to figure himself out and hating who he was. I escaped to cringey online chat sites like IMVU and catfished as a girl, because at the time I thought the only way to get boys to like me and want to be with me was to pretend to be someone else, someone I actually liked.

When I think back on this era, I mostly remember the girls in my class obsessing over these three albums and singing her songs with each other all the time. I desperately wanted to join them and fangirl with them over her music, though of course they never gave me the time of day. I remember I would memorize so many of her songs and write them all down on a special notebook I kept. When I wasn’t paying attention in classes, that’s what I would do; scribble out a collection of all the songs of hers that I knew by heart.

To me, these three albums represented a certain kind of vivid fantasy. Taylor’s songwriting has obviously grown exponentially over the past decade, but even back then she was always so damn good at storytelling and detail, painting you a very clear picture of a scene and placing you right there. For a miserable, self-hating fourteen-year-old gay boy that was always seeking escapism from a homophobic environment, this was the perfect outlet for me to live out a different kind of life, to play pretend.

I honestly can’t explain what it is about her style of songwriting but she always made me feel like I was genuinely experiencing everything she was talking about. Things like kissing in the rain, riding around in the truck of the boy of my dreams in a tiny one horse town, shedding teardrops on a guitar that I definitely didn’t own, experiencing crushing heartbreak. This was stuff that my sheltered ass couldn’t comprehend.

Taylor perfectly captured that ideal, that small town girl with big dreams and storybook romances. I was in love with her discography at the time, having memorized pretty much the entirety of Fearless because that was my favorite of three. Middle school was hell for me, but her music was definitely something that helped me pull through, because she sent my imagination into overdrive.

This was a time in my life where I didn’t really care yet about an artist’s public image or the media’s portrayal of them, It was purely about the music for me. Of course, when looking at these albums now, there were a few questionable choices she made lyrically, I have to admit. Particularly with songs like “Better Than Revenge” and “Innocent”, both having aged terribly with the former being bafflingly misogynistic and the latter being about Kanye. As of my writing this, Taylor is currently in the process of re-recording her old catalog, and I assume that she would skip these two songs in particular, as well as several others that haven’t exactly aged well.

This era really got me through some tough times and she provided much-needed relief for me within each of these three albums. I’ll always have an attachment to them because of the bittersweet memories they represent.

Part 2: Red

Red I decided to put in its own category, because this was kind of a weird era for Taylor. Even back when I was an ignorant teenager that barely had any critical thinking skills, I felt the dissonance of this album and its Max Martin produced singles. This album represented Taylor dipping her toe into pop music, which she made abundantly clear when she decided to release We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together as the lead single.

I actually remember this moment quite clearly. She premiered the single at some kind of fan event that I believe was streamed live on YouTube, and either I watched it live or I watched the full recording of it later on. At the time I remember feeling it was kind of bizarre to hear Taylor adopt this style of music, because it was so drastically different from her previous work and it took me a while to adjust. Obviously I enjoyed pop music at the time as much as I do now, but I just hadn’t been expecting it to come from Taylor. 

Fortunately it was just the three singles that were full pop, and the rest of the album still had her signature DNA and also includes some of her best work. All Too Well, for example, is I think one of the best songs she’s ever made, if not the best. I think if I were introducing Taylor to someone that’s totally unfamiliar with her, that would be my first choice, because it’s a masterwork in songwriting and emotionality.

I do think the thing that irked me the most about this album and era, even to this day, was the lack of cohesion. Of course I figured that she would eventually venture into pop music, but the way in which she did it just felt a bit too jarring to me. Perhaps if the album had a more even distribution of pop songs and country songs, it would’ve been slightly more palatable for me. It’s not even that the three pop songs were bad; they were quite good for their time. Though to be completely honest they’re the songs I barely ever return to any time I listen to Red now. They’re the kind of catchy pop songs where it’s difficult not to get sick of them at a certain point in your life. I’ve grown to really dislike the lead single, and even 22.

Her image was also starting to get much more scrutinized by the media around this time. I think this era probably marked the sharp rise of the “Taylor Swift has too many boyfriends!” argument people loved to throw around. I wish I could say I was smart enough to not buy into that shit at the time, but I wasn’t. While it didn’t bother me, it was something that I wondered about, why she dated and broke up with so many guys at such a young age. It was something that I judged her for. Obviously I didn’t yet understand that it was normal for people her age to date around. Plus it gave her some great material.

By this time, Taylor was making the gradual transition of country sweetheart to pop star, and while Red was kind of a rocky start to that, naturally she managed to pull it off. But not quite flawlessly.

Part 3: The Pop Era

Okay, I have a lot to say about these girls.

I think this era started off strong with 1989. It was a more fully realized version of Taylor’s little pop experiment, and it actually had the cohesion that I needed to be able to fully adapt to this new style she’d cultivated. She wrote yet another one of her best songs with Blank Space, which I like to think was a precursor to Reputation (and dare I say that one song did Reputation’s concept better than that album as a whole?).

However... Shake It Off. I’m sorry, I just hate that song.

WANEGBT, the first single off of Red, isn’t exactly the best song either but it made sense as to why she chose that as the first single. It was to signify her dabbling into pop. Reputation’s first single I also am not the biggest fan of, but again, made perfect sense as an introduction, but I’ll get to that later. Shake It Off, though? For the life of me, I have no idea why this song was the first single. Or to be frank, why it was even on the album at all. 

I’m sorry y’all, I just hate it. Everything about it. The verses, the chorus, the appalling rap bridge. She should’ve kept that song in the drafts and released Blank Space as a first single, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on. Sorry Shake It Off stans, but I’m sure all three of you will get over it. ❤

That said, 1989 had some excellent songs, and I was finally starting to get used to Taylor doing pop. However, my excitement and enthusiasm for her music started to falter due to my weak mind at the time once again getting swayed by the media. 

This time, I began to see Taylor as someone that seemed to be very calculated and conniving in the way she curated her image. Something that didn’t sit well with me was the “girl squad” stuff, and how all of the women she surrounded herself with were essentially these supermodels with unattainable beauty standards, and also believing the rumors about how certain famous women were given private requests to join Taylor’s “squad”. And then of course, the Kim and Kanye thing happened. #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty trended worldwide, and that was probably my earliest exposure to an instance of a celebrity getting canceled, so I was just happy to join the bandwagon. My opinion of her shifted like that, and it’s crazy to think about it now, how I barely had the capacity to form my own opinions and was easily influenced by everything I heard.

Despite me kind of joining the Taylor hate train, I did like Reputation as a concept. I liked how she disappeared from the public eye and came back being like, “You want me to be the villain? The snake? Fine.” Look What You Made Me Do, as I mentioned before, was the perfect choice for the first single despite the song itself being sonically....not the best. The music video and the line about how the old Taylor couldn’t come to the phone was an iconic moment in pop culture, I have to admit that.

I didn’t listen to the album as a whole until later, though. I was having my own hang-ups about Taylor that I think are silly now, but at the time when I didn’t like an artist I would mostly avoid their work. When I did listen to the album, though, I thought it was... okay. There’s one standout track to me and that is Getaway Car, and it’s the only song from Reputation I can say I fully adore to pieces. The other songs on there I either just like, or I find to be meh at best. (Also I know Ready For It is objectively a bad song but I really enjoy the chorus, don’t @ me, @ god)

A few years later, Lover happened and.... Once again, horrible first single. ME! is a genuinely atrocious song, and I have no idea how esteemed, prolific songwriter Taylor Swift managed to reach a point where she had a song with the phrase “spelling is fun!” in it. I feel the exact same way about this song as I do about Shake It Off. It had no business being in the album whatsoever.

As far as Lover the album goes, this came out around the time where I was kind of feeling indifferent toward Taylor (which is hilarious if you know what the first track on it is). I was much more politically aware and had learned not to put too much faith in white women, and I was focusing on other artists so much that Lover barely even came onto my radar. I listened to it once, thought it was meh, and moved on. I revisited it earlier this year and realized I was a bit too harsh on it the first time around. Sure it was her weakest album overall, but it wasn’t bad by any means. It was perfectly alright, and there were songwriting moments within it that were still quite strong. The title track and also Miss Americana comes to mind as standouts.

She started to become more vocal politically around this time. A lot of people thought it was too little too late, which was a fair point. However to me it made sense that she stayed tight-lipped about politics when she was younger, considering she was operating within the realm of country music. Plus, upon watching her documentary, it was pretty clear she had old white men behind the scenes telling her what she should or shouldn’t say, to make sure she maintained that all-American country girl sweetheart image. Still, I do agree with the people who thought that she should’ve used her platform sooner.

Oh and for the record, I think You Need to Calm Down is a terrible song. The video was cute, and the message behind it is fine, but I just hate it sonically.

At this point my interest in Taylor was probably at an all time low. The era started off strong with 1989, but it progressively got weaker. She just wasn’t really giving me much in terms of lyricism, and her pop productions were starting to blend together to the point where a lot of them were sounding very same-y. Lover to me marked the point of stagnation in her music; it was solid enough, but it just wasn’t going anywhere. We’ve seen Pop Taylor, she was cute for a while, but what else? Where does she go from here?

Well... She went into the woods.

Part 4: The Cottagecore Sisters

When I heard about Taylor dropping a surprise album, I suppose I was intrigued. She is one of the few artists that are successful enough to be able to make a move like that and cause a lot of buzz and excitement. I didn’t think much about it though, because my 2020 at that time was still inundated with SAWAYAMA and Ungodly Hour on repeat. On a whim, though, I decided to listen to it one day, not expecting much out of it.

Earlier when I was talking about her country era, I mentioned that Taylor’s storytelling and her penchant for detailed descriptions were my favorite parts of her writing. Her innate ability to transport me into other worlds, to provide escapism when my life became too much to deal with. I feel like these aspects were missing in the several years that Taylor focused on pop music. There were flashes of it in some of her later work, sure, but very few. She was becoming a huge mega superstar and her songs started to lose that sense of relatability that had been easy for me to latch on too. These things definitely contributed to my loss of interest for her work in general.

And then Folklore managed to bring me back to that place of fantasy I described before, but heightened. Elevated. Evolved. This is why I think that Folklore is Taylor Swift’s magnum opus.

Storytelling is without a doubt her strongest skill as an artist. To be able to construct not just a narrative but an entire world through songs is not something anyone can pull off. Throughout her pop era, there was always that something missing because I knew that she was capable of more. I couldn’t explain it well back then, but despite her penmanship still being commendable during those years, it still felt oddly lackluster. I knew she could do better, but I didn’t have the proof yet.

This is it. Both Folklore and Evermore showcase exactly what I knew she was capable of. This is Taylor Swift at her most creative, at her full power.

I think in a recent interview I watched (though I can’t remember which one), even she herself acknowledged how it would’ve been a disservice to continue strictly writing autobiographical songs, and so she decided to write from the perspectives of multiple different characters while also occasionally inserting herself and her life experiences into these narratives. She essentially created her own folklore and managed to make me invested in characters that don’t even exist.

I have to talk about the love triangle trilogy: cardigan, august and betty. It’s a testament to her songwriting ability that these fictional characters feel like real people. The story of Betty, James and Augusta/Augustine is just so well done to the point where I forget that it’s Taylor Swift singing. When I listen to these songs, I am fully imagining the characters she conjured up. 

The song that I find the most profound out of the three, and also happens to be my favorite song on the album, is august. To me, it is the most heartbreaking song out of all of them. I relate so much to that girl who’s hopelessly in love with someone that just doesn’t give a shit about them and is merely using her for a summer fling. And it’s not even like I’ve experienced something similar to this in real life, Taylor just somehow made it relatable with the sheer power of her pen game. It’s even more heartbreaking considering we don’t know what happened to this girl, if she ever managed to find happiness, because in the Long Pond Sessions Taylor mentioned that Betty and James eventually got back together. They got their happy ending, but what happened to Augustine?

I can’t believe she’s got me this deep in my feelings over non-existent teenagers, I swear to god.

Just when I thought Folklore was going to be the end of this new side of her for a while, she releases Evermore in December, its sister album. While I don’t think it’s quite as strong as Folklore, it still delivered immensely in terms of lyricism, productions and vocals. Evermore’s release pretty much solidified the realization that I was basically becoming a Swiftie again, a whole decade later.

I was embarrassed by that thought at first, but honestly now I’m at a point where I don’t think there’s anything to be embarrassed about. Taylor is too skilled of a songwriter for me to consider her a guilty pleasure. I just needed something to help me come to that conclusion, and these two albums did just that. She finally gave to me what I was waiting for.

Final Thoughts

I don’t really stan artists the same way I used to now, which I mentioned previously in my review of Chromatica. I don’t deify them or hold them to an impossible moral standard they could never live up to anymore. I see them as flawed human beings that have the capacity to make great art. So when I say I’m becoming a Swiftie, I’m still fully aware that Taylor Swift is a thirty-one year old rich white woman who is bound to have shortcomings and missteps as a person. In my mind, she hasn’t done anything drastic enough or stupid enough for me to become uncomfortable in listening to her work. I had my own ideas about how she could’ve been fake, conniving, manipulative or whatever else the media was trying to convey about her, but there really is no way of knowing who she truly is as a person.

Celebrities and influencers have the power to curate their image however they want. The relationships they have with us, the audience, are entirely parasocial, so of course we base our judgments of them based on very limited knowledge, or just the surface-level view of what they’re like. I don’t know if Taylor is as down to earth and genuine as she appears to be now, and I honestly don’t need to know. If she does things I disagree with or acts a certain way that deserves criticism, of course I’d still call her out, and depending on the severity of what it was she said or did, it might end up with me not wanting to engage with her work anymore.

But the reality is, as a person, I’ve realized that she is just fine. I was holding on to a certain idea of her in my head where I think at one point I dubbed her “the Anne Hathaway of music”, meaning someone that comes across too perfect to the point where it seems calculated and disingenuous. But honestly, I just don’t feel that way about her anymore. I don’t feel particularly attached to her as a person, either. 

But I do feel an attachment to her music. At the end of the day, that’s where I’m standing now when it comes to her. I don’t have any expectations or delusions about her as a human being, and I’m not going to remain devoted to her if she does something dumb, but I believe that she is an insanely gifted artist who has written so many songs that genuinely speak to me and make me feel intensely. She lost me for a while, but now I’m right back in it.

So yeah, like I said in the beginning of the post, life’s too short to pretend to hate Taylor Swift. I’d rather just pretend to live in a mystical small town as a sad gay witch. And I’m at peace with that.

[seeaddywrite]

tagged by the lovely @christchex :D

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1) all the oceans put together couldn’t hold me back 

this was written almost exactly a year ago today (& imagine my surprise when i had to eliminate some of my favorite fics from this when i realized it’d been over a year since i posted them?!) & i’m still pretty happy with it. i never write short things, and this was a little under 3k, so it counts. it was also something i thought was AWFUL as i wrote it, and now, looking back, i’m actually pretty proud of it. there are no stilted lines or horribly awkward transitions that normally show up when i reread & make me cringe, & i actually wrote an ending that i’m happy with!

2) we’re all lonely together

i have such a love/hate relationship with this fic. i’m so proud of how it came out, but this fic went through at least SIX different iterations before i finally finished it in its current form, & i had to do a deep dive into the RNM timeline, which -- yikes. but i wrote something that’s more gen than shippy, shows the importance & my love of found family, & the kind of happy ending that makes me feel sappy. 

3) give me strength so i can see

this fic is ... not my best work, but it’s brought me a lot happiness during quarantine because a lot of people are reading & rec-ing it, or leaving nice comments, which is really sweet. it’s my only work in the 911 fandom, & probably will be for a while since i don’t usually feel particularly motivated to write in this fandom, but i just loved the tsnunami arc & the angst that came with it was right up my alley.

4) not by blood, but by choice

i honestly think this is my favorite fic that i’ve written in the RNM fandom. i know that everyone loves to hate max, loudly, in this fandom, but he’s one of my favorite characters -- & trying to include alex in their makeshift, messed-up little family was a lot of fun. this is one of my own fics that i actually like to read, which pretty much never happens. & yeah. this one :)

5) bitch, i’m a monster 

oh, boy. this thing. this was supposed to be a snapshot ficlet of a bigger AU that i was never going to write. the original idea was literally crack -- what if alex was a vampire? & thirteen thousand words later, plus one more part i’m yet to finish, & at least three assorted ficlets, it because an entire universe of its own. it’s as self-indulgent & silly as the title makes it sound, but i always smile when people mention enjoying my little corner of crazy. 

tagging: uhhh who’s already done this? @soberqueerinthewild, @haloud, @tasyfa, @angsty-nerd ... sorry if y’all have already been tagged! i miss things when the dash gets moving too fast. 

[neshabeingchildish]

Determined: A Chasper Fic Conclusion

Second half of the chapter is extremely kid heavy. I feel like those actually reading this know how I am about kids and writing kids into these things. Alas, we’ve reached the end of this journey. Thank you to all those who stuck with it. I know this fandom isn’t a long story fandom and I apologize that I keep doing this to y’all. But, finally, the end is here.

Happy, Healthy Endings for All

Henry pulled up to the gate of “the estate” and when he was going to push the button on the little box, heard a beep and a voice say, “Henry Hart, Access Granted,” before he had the chance to do so. 

“They’ve most likely programmed it to scan your car… or your DNA,” Piper commented with a shrug of her shoulders. 

“How rich are our friends these days?” Henry wondered.

“Well, Charlotte is a genius who works with tech and DNA stuff, so she might have done it herself, but if not, Jasper is literally the highest paid executive coach in the country as of last year,” Piper said. 

“I honestly thought for a while that Jasper made that career up and I still don’t even know what that means!” Henry chimed. 

“He tells big bosses how to be better bosses and writes books to help little bosses become big bosses, if they have enough money to do so.”

“Yeah, I don’t understand HOW, either. Like… Who looked at Jasper and decided that he knew this stuff? Is he good at it, or just one of those people who got lucky and gets paid a lot?”

“The companies that he helps have better stats after he’s done helping them reevaluate their model. He’s gonna get one of those Netflix deals, I think. To get his own show where he basically goes in there and you see a few of his projects. He writes books, does speaking engagements, invests his money, and is kind of even helping Charlotte to try to branch out on her own. He just… is good at what he does. But, I mean… Jasper’s kind of been this way. Remember whenever he was doing his vlog and podcast and he’d get all these places and fans sending him stuff? He has a knack for smoothing people over. I think if somebody is confident enough, people are willing to at least hear them out and when he got his foot in the door that way, he owned it.”

“Are you… giving Jasper compliments?”

“No. I’m telling you nice things about Jasper. Did you ever see his “How to be a Good Man to a Difficult Woman” series on his channel? He’s got some very good life skills, when he takes the time to think about it and not just blurts stuff out.”

“Wait. He had a…” He stopped speaking whenever he got closer to the house and the yard, which had a very enormous playground, off to the side like… almost like a park and a huge garden on the other side, with like… what his mind could only seem to think of as a “tiny neighborhood” beside them. “Did this come with the house?” Henry wondered.

“Nope. Jasper had it commissioned. Sat down with the kids and got their ideas, worked on some designs, spoke with his architect, and voila.”

“Why are there so many little houses here when the big house is huge?” 

“That you’ll have to ask them.”

.

Jasper was giving directions to the crew that he had working on this event, which Henry could tell were frat boys who probably knew him as an alumnus and wanted to make good with him. He could hardly believe that his Craig used to be one of those guys. He’d be meeting them later on, because he had some work emergency and insisted that Henry go on without him.

Whenever the Hart siblings walked up, Jasper dismissed the crew and came to hug them. “Hey! Glad you two could actually make it! I think this is your first time coming to the estate at all, so what do you think, finally seeing it in person?” (That was more to Henry, because Piper saw it before, even if it was only in the beginning.)

“What is this property, Dude?” Henry asked, marvelling around.

Jasper smiled proudly, “Well, the site where Charlotte will be opening her center after her hospital fellowship is in this area, so I wanted to make sure that we had a house near here. I can work from anywhere. Still unsure if we want to fully transition out of the old house, since so much of the kids’ memories are there, and Char’s still got a few years before she’ll even be opening the practice, but they’re all still young enough where you set up enough fun stuff and they don’t even know what their previous memories were. I don’t really want to rent it out and have anybody mess up any of the sentimental stuff, but we’ll probably have it for AirBNB for a while or something. Haven’t decided.” 

“What are all these little houses, Dude?” Henry asked, pointing at a few.

“Oh, that’s Jazz’s treehouse, up in the tree, and Amber’s dollhouse, Ruby’s funhouse and the baby playhouse for the new baby. It’s like a little kiddo community for them, and all of them have their dream playground in the community “backyard.” On the other side is Charlotte’s she shed, which is one of my birthday gifts to her…”

“It’s like… the size of a regular house,” Henry pointed out. 

“We’re on our fourth kid. Locking herself in the bathroom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, even in a house as big as our last one, or even as big as the new house,” he said, so casually, that it almost made sense to Henry for them to have a whole other goddamn house a few feet away from their ridiculously huge house! “And her garden is like her front yard, then there’s the three dog houses. The kids want a puppy, so we’ll be getting another one, and already are making room for them. The Kiddo community and the Doggo community right across the way from each other. Charlotte’s she shed and her home lab on either side of the big house.” He was pointing at everything. “Took YEARS to get it just perfect and I figured since the timeline was so close, that instead of doing the whole housewarming thing that we’ve done in the past that we’d just throw Charlotte’s 30th Birthday party here and get showing off the property and showering her in love all over with in one event. Plus, Diamond is coming ANY day now, so by the time we’ve got them coming home, there won’t be time for socializing between getting them nursed, Char’s fellowship, getting doctors and scientists and stuff for the clinic, lab, and the spaces in the center, and…” he shrugged. Henry noted that Jasper looked the happiest that he had ever seen him. Like, everything in his life was perfect. He hoped Charlotte was feeling the same. He had been super busy at work. Springtime was very hectic for weddings and his busiest summer was right around the corner. Plus, he had a man now, and was still a Swellview hero.

“So, you decided on Diamond, huh?” Piper asked. “Just keeping the whole crystals/stones thing going?” 

“After Jasper, who was of course just named for me, we went with birthstones. Wanted to have their names be closer connected to Jasper’s than ours or something else. Amber was better than Citrine or Topaz…” 

“Those are mine,” Henry said proudly to Piper. “November.”

Piper rolled her eyes. Jasper hadn’t stopped, “Ruby is my fellow Leo, and even though that’s typically considered a girl’s name, Ruby is thought of as King of gems, so we rationalized that it was  gender neutral and that if it wasn’t, we’d just have someone with a name that was as rare as the gem itself… you know, if they turned out to be a boy.”

“Ruby is actually a turning out to be a nuisance. They’re my favorite of all of your bad ass kids,” Piper said.

Instead of arguing that they weren’t bad kids (They weren’t, just very free kids). “I call them “Rascal,” Jasper said. “I don’t understand how they get into everything that they get into at 1. Jazz and Amber Reign at least waited until they were in the terrible 2s to begin their shenanigans. I think that they’re gonna be a genius, like Char. She was doing a lot at 1 too, I’m told...” 

Almost as if on cue, they heard Charlotte yelling, “Andro! Ruby Andromeda Dunlop!” the three looked up to see a barely walking 1 year old running quite haphazardly, holding something that appeared to be a food item tightly in their grip, laughing all the way, with a very pregnant mother chasing after them, running as haphazardly with all of that belly to lug around. 

Piper and Henry both cackled at the sight, but Jasper darted over and snatched up the baby and took the food from them. Charlotte caught up, caught her breath and explained, “I swear, I put it down for a split second to adjust my nursing pad and they grabbed it and ran!” Breathing still a little winded, she said, “Hey, Henry. Piper,” and retrieved her Danish. “I know that the party hasn’t started, but somebody made me miss breakfast,” she said pointing at Ruby. Piper reached for the baby and they went to her willingly. “And they go to Piper before they come to me… The person with the titty milk!”

“Because, I influence them to be the most them that they can be.”

“You can have them, at this rate,” Charlotte said. 

Jasper laughed, “She didn’t mean that. She can’t legally give them away. They’re half mine.”

“Where’s their bling?” Charlotte wondered, finishing off her pastry. “They’re family. They’ll need it for the family photo shoot, not that it’ll be very elegant, considering that Dunlop children are magnets for calamity.”

“It’s covered, Babe. Go sit down. You look like you’ve been through hell.” She frowned. “Beautiful, though!”

“Shut up,” she muttered, waddling back to where her seat was. 

The Dunlops were dressed in all white and diamonds (or you know, knock off crystals for the kids) for Charlotte’s 30th Birthday Diamond Ball. 

Jazz had selected to wear “whatever Daddy is wearing,” so they had a smaller version of his white, suit with opaque floral embroidery and crystal embellishments. They also already had their pants rolled up to the knees and had taken their mass of curls out of the neat braided bun that Charlotte had painstakingly put it into this morning. Fortunately, she’d had the foresight to make sure that they did the immediate family photo shoot before everything else. Charlotte noticed on the way back to her seat that Jazz had also taken their shoes and socks off. They were literally untamed before the party even began. She smiled and waved at them and they waved back, “Hey, Mommy! You look like a queen!”

“If you’re not gonna wear your fancy shoes, at least throw on your sneakers so you don’t hurt your feet on something!” Charlotte called back.

“I’ve got some in the treehouse!” They rushed to the tree, electing to climb the rope, instead of the ladder to retrieve sneakers. 

“You raised them to be independent,” Charlotte said. “Carefree Black child. Literally carefree. They don’t care ‘bout nothing.” 

At least Amber was still put together. They had wanted to wear a princess gown. “It’s a ball! I gotta wear a princess gown!” They insisted. They only had Disney ones in their collection and they needed white, so Charlotte asked them what gown they wanted a white version of. “All of them.”

“You can only wear one to Mommy’s birthday party, though.”

“What about Daddy’s birthday?”

“Daddy’s gonna have a grown man friends party for his birthday. We’re not gonna go to that. Maybe just have some cake at home earlier that day, and sure, you can have a gown for that, if you want.”

“What about my birthday?”

“Sure. For your birthday, you can definitely wear a white gown, but which one do you want for Mommy’s party?”

Amber laughed and placed a hand on Charlotte’s hand, like a little adult. “No, Mommy. For my birthday, I need all the gowns. White. Also… all of them, in yellow.” 

Charlotte smiled and said through her teeth, “Okay. Of course, it’s your birthday and Daddy has literally never told any of you ‘no,’ so I’m sure that we’ll be fulfilling that order. Now, you wanna tell Mommy what white gown you’ll wear to her ball?”

“Hmmm. Well, I think Tiana’s, but white. And I need to add a bustle, so I can dance with a prince, or Daddy if there’s only commoners.”

“Where did you learn the word bustle?” Charlotte whispered, making notes.

“Where did they learn the word “commoners?” Jasper wondered.

They instead made Amber a white Tiana gown that was short in the front, kind of like Char’s wedding dress, and a sparkly pair of white leggings, so that Amber wouldn’t protest too much to the lack of a bustle. Charlotte still didn’t know where they got that word from. But, passing by them on the swingset near their dollhouse, they were still dressed like she dressed them this morning, in their shoes and all.

Ruby being one, was the easiest to dress. Charlotte threw a white romper on them and a sunhat and they were the cutest kid in the world. Keeping it white and them out of trouble though? That was a task for somebody else today.

Charlotte’s twinkling maternity gown and updo made her look elegant enough for the party, but between her tiredness, hot flashes, being hungry A LOT, and rushing to the bathroom so much, she was lowkey miserable. She didn’t want to do a big thing for this birthday, being so close to her due date and this having been the most taxing pregnancy she had gone through, but Jasper seemed so excited about it and once the kids were in the mix with picking outfits and such, she felt obligated. 

He planned it for the weekend before her actual birthday, because the next weekend (a few days after her birthday) was around the due date. It was SO CLOSE. Their birthdays would be even closer together than hers and Jazz’s, which was at the beginning of the month and had been celebrated by unveiling the playground in the yard. Which was so extravagant, in Charlotte’s opinion. But, they had made sure to get a lot of land specifically TO BE extravagant, if they wanted to. 

Besides, Jasper paid for all of that, and what was she gonna do? Tell that man what he could and couldn’t do with his hard earned money? Jasper had always been extra, and now he could afford to be.

Jazz wanted a jungle gym. Amber wanted a carousel, and Jasper filled in a lot of the rest of it with stuff that he thought would be fun for them. She wondered if he wasn’t having some sort of early midlife crisis for a while, because he was extremely diligent on making this property perfect. But, that was because it would be their “Forever home” and he could pass it down from Dunlop to Dunlop for as long as they held it dear. “They’ve gotta hold it dear. It’s gotta be perfect. It’s my legacy.”

Watching him handle it was one of the ways she wound up pregnant again before he could have the chance to have a procedure. That man was simply too virile! And there was something about seeing him so passionately make plans and prep for their children’s futures that there was nothing sexier in the world than him in those moments. They scheduled his procedure after she realized that another Dunlop was on the way. Not that she had anything against her other 3 children, but four was twice what she initially saw for herself.

Charlotte LOVED being a mom. It was some of the best highlights of her life. She never would have expected to love it so much, but she absolutely did, aside from the pain of labor, her suffering was generally minimal. (Mainly, because she knew all of the rules medically, and she was able to figure out any necessary changes that she needed to make in her routine whenever her body called for it. 

She also loved the idea of helping other people safely become moms, especially with the somehow increasing number of fatalities in Black women attempting to do so. So, whenever she finished medical school, her residency and fellowship, she finally was confident and prepared enough to open her own center. 

She would be working as a medical biochemist, specializing in genetics for infants and childrens’ care. The site had an OBGYN, a pediatrician, a gynecologist, and a fertility specialist, when they started out. She wanted to make another option for women who might not get the proper care in other facilities, as well as options for  the babies and children that they had. Also, to help those who wanted to have children and had issues preventing them from doing so. 

Instead of having several doctors who are not associated in the building and renting from some leaseholder, she owned the building, would work from the lab with a team she selected, to avoid the disrespect and distrust at her previous lab, and found specialists that she was interested in, bringing what she valued most to the place. 

Having other Black female doctors around was also quite refreshing, for all of them and she made sure to include an onsite daycare with personally vetted childcare providers. Because she knew that she wasn’t the only working mommy and that was important to her, as well. (This was a separate place from the pediatric playroom), because that was for the potentially sick kids. She even involved the doctors and scientists that she would have there in the development process, as a bit of an interview situation. (They didn’t work for her, but she wanted the vision to work for everyone, and to find people who were on the same accord).

They called it A New Page Childcare Center, and Charlotte had never been happier in her life, as far as her work life went, as she was after getting it off of the ground. She was saving lives again, but doing it with a collective of like-minded professionals who respected and liked each other and worked well together. She could be here until she was ready to retire! Finally! She had not only found her calling, but she was able to build up something to follow it through, and she was able to see her children more throughout all of it.

Plus, even when helping a client through a strenuous process of tests and seeking out solutions or researching new ideas in genetics, she controlled her schedule and therefore was able to do things at this point in her life with Jasper and the kids that she felt guilty about not being able to do before, like family vacations and events. Henry and Craig FINALLY tied the knot shortly after Hen turned 33, and it was her center that they came to when seeking out a surrogate. 

At the center, they were able to speak with a surrogacy agent, because by that time, the center had grown to include an agency for surrogacy and one for adoption. By finding all these childcare specialists and providers and making room for them in her property, it was easy for people to explore all of these options in one place, and there were frequently workshops on site available for training in doula and midwife work, becoming foster parents, and NUMEROUS paid internships in every single one of the areas in the place. 

Now, most of these ideas she came up with, in tandem with Jasper during pillow talk. She knew if he knew how to do one thing, it would be to tell her truthfully how to have a fulfilling workspace. She just had never thought that she would be able to put all of these professions and occupations in one space. Whenever he would say, “Why don’t you just find one and get them in your building?” she would immediately think, I can’t do that! But now, she wasn’t even sure WHY she ever thought that she couldn’t do it! 

She guessed it sounded like too much. She guessed that it would be too hard to maintain rules, regulations, etc… But, Jasper pointed out, “But, they don’t work for you. As long as they can pay you to be in that space, it's an advantage to you all to have sources nearby to suggest. If fertility isn’t working out, your fertility specialist can suggest going to, you know… the fourth floor for a surrogate or the fifth floor for the adoption agency, etc. That way, they don’t have to look around, which would be additional stress and sometimes, you may be able to have a representative from the office of their next step come to speak with them and build rapport in that moment where they’ve lost a little bit a hope, to meet and reassure them that the last step was only another stepping stone and assure them that they will give their all to this particular leg of the journey.” There was always a brilliant idea coming out of him! She loved that man so much, more and more all of the time. 

.

The various talks that had to be had with them were generally successful. Having two socially conscious parents, they were going to get lessons about everything whenever they either were about to go out into the world on their own (school and such) or for more heavy topics, whenever they seemed to want to know. Of course, first and foremost was the way that people outside might perceive and treat them.

Jazz looked almost just like Charlotte, but with a different curl pattern. Her hair mostly grew down, but it was poofy enough that it fluffed out at the sides. It gave her just enough “other” for people to ask her “Black, and what else?” but, if she had it up or something, nobody even bothered. 

Amber was the only one that was really “light skinned,” but she always got a little browner in the summer. Her hair was curly like Jasper’s when he was a kid and it didn’t grow down, but out, so she had a huge curly fro.

Jazz said that Ruby was her mini… like she wasn’t cut from the very same cloth as Charlotte. Ruby had hair like Charlotte’s and similar features. Slightly less brown, but definitely darker than Amber. She looked even more like Charlotte, because they had similar mannerisms and the same face and hair. 

Diamond was only a couple of shades darker than Amber, but she had more of Jasper’s features than the others, who were basically molds of Charlotte with the slight differences mentioned, and her eyes were light colored. Well, they were somewhere between a hazel and a chestnut. Jasper insisted that she had his mom’s eyes. Charlotte just denied it on principle. She lowkey did have Pansy’s eyes and was really the only one that could “pass for a Dunlop,” according to some of the comments Charlotte had overheard and seen on posts before Jasper blocked somebody. People sometimes joked with Jasper to ask him if he was sure those were all his kids, but they quickly retracted these jokes, whenever they noted his face or body language. When Jazz was little, he’d be more likely to kick someone’s ass over it. By the time Amber came, it was asked less, but when it was brought up, Jazz was singled out! She “didn’t look mixed enough” someone said, in that way that he could tell they felt like they were just being honest. She looked just like her mother, if she had wavy hair!! And… what did people think that he was going to presume that they were suggesting about his wife when they asked him shit like that or made a funny little comment.

His mother made that mistake years ago. “I just don’t see any part of you in that one,” she said, opting to try to pick up Amber as she nudged her forehead towards Jazz. Amber hid behind her older sister. Something about Pansy made her nervous. The woman sighed and tacked on, “I don’t think it would hurt to get them DNA tested, just in case…”

And he told her, “If you hadn’t given me life, I would sock you in the mouth for that.” (Jasper never made threats like that at her and she was shook). 

“I was kidding! She’s just way darker than I thought she should be,” she had said about Jazz (which was PRIOR to Jazz identifying as a girl and ALSO made him upset that she called them a she), but Pansy had come out of that. They kept some distance between themselves and her until she had to seek them out and agree to the proper language and appropriate treatment. Then, Jasper monitored every time she was around for a long time before her and Charlotte were comfortable enough (and the kids were comfortable enough) for her to be allowed to spend time with them by herself.

She was a much better grandmother than she had been a mom, and he came to realize that a lot of people were weird about the fact that 3 out of 4 of his biracial kids didn’t quote unquote “really look biracial,” so they wanted to tell the girls about it whenever it was time for Jazz to go to her private school. Jasper wanted them in public school. There was one not too far from the house and it was considered when he bought it. But, they compromised that the kids could go to a private head start, maybe public elementary, and then Charlotte insisted on the private school when they got into junior high. But, after head start, all of Jazz’s friends were going to private school and she wanted to go, as well. Jasper wondered if Charlotte knew this would happen when she made that deal with him. She simply smirked in response.

“What the fuck is biracial?” Jazz had asked whenever the race talk came up. Charlotte threw her head back and Jazz winced, “Sorry, Mom.” She honestly never let go of the word, since she was 2 years old. But, she also had just presumed that since half of her family was different shades of brown and the other half were lesser shades of brown that other people had families that were just all kinds of browns and lesser browns, even those lesser brown people she knew from pre-k. 

Realizing that Uncle Henry and Uncle Craig were not going to be able to come together and simply make brown cousins or lesser brown cousins was like a shock to her system. They had to grow a baby somewhere else and try to pick somebody that would have some similar traits. Then, learning that people might be meaner to her because she was a darker brown than Daddy was alarming, to say the least, and that even more people might treat her differently because of her private areas that they couldn’t even see? She was scandalized and horrified. But… she said that sounded like it meant that girls were tougher than boys and she was “tough enough to be a girl.”

“It’s not really a matter of toughness. It’s more like what you feel like you are, inside. And it doesn’t have to be a girl, or even a boy. You might feel like something else that you don’t quite have the words for, and we’ll help you find the right words, if that’s the case or maybe even you’ll have new words for us that are more catered to who you feel like you are inside.” Charlotte said.

“Well, I don’t not feel like a girl. I feel like a girl who is strong and brave. Whatever that is is my gender. I don’t care. It’s never mattered before. I just am scared of the people out there that might try to treat me like I’m a Black girl. (I am, but… that’s scary stuff, Mom.”

“We’ll protect you as much as we can,” Jasper said.

“I have literally seen your father punch more than a few people for treating mommy some kind of way,” Charlotte admitted. Jasper’s face showed he had zero regrets about those choices.

“Don’t worry Dad. I have a mean right hook,” Jazz said. 

“Damn right you do. That’s that Dunlop Dumb Drop!” And with just that, the kid gestured for a double high five and they growled in each others faces and started barking. 

Charlotte, feeling left out said, “I have some drops too.”

Both of them looked at her and burst into crying laughter. “Mom, please, do not do this to me!” Jazz said as Jasper wiped his eyes from actually crying laughing about it. “Oh, you oughtta end all these talks like that. Who can feel worried when you’ve got this shining sense of humor.” 

Charlotte folded her arms, but couldn’t help but to laugh, in spite of herself of the fact that her young child thought it hilarious that she could drop somebody. “I never said with my fists, Kid. I’m a scientist and a doctor. I know at least one hundred ways to drop somebody without ever touching them. A lot of them, untraceable.” She threw a look at Jasper, who immediately stopped laughing. 

“Well, that’s just terrifying,” Jazz admitted. 

Charlotte winked, “Only for my enemies.” 

Now, Jazz offered her double high fives and said, “Friends for life!” 

Amber was concerned about things, but mostly about partnership. Why, at her age? They didn’t know, but they just answered her questions when they arose. “So. IF I AM a girl, feel like a girl, like things that the world says is for girls, but I also LIKE girls. Like, REALLY like girls, like - like them, you understand… can I still be a girl?”

“If you think you are, yes.”

“But, the world says that girls like boys, right? I hate boys. They’re smelly and unkind. They never like to wear pretty dresses that would be gorgeous on them. They hit you and say it’s because they like you, so if you want to hit them back, you don’t want to, because you don’t want them to think you like them, a stupid boy!”

Jasper balled his fists, “Who the hell hit you?” 

“Daddy, don’t get mad. Since hitting means boys like you, I didn’t hit him back, so he wouldn’t think I like him. Instead, I put mud in his sandwich when everybody was at recess.” She smiled proudly.

“Well, I’m glad that you got him back. But, next time, just hit him. Nobody gets to put their hands on you and if they really liked you, they wouldn’t. Also, who was it?”

“Are you gonna go punch the kid, Jasper?” Charlotte asked.

“I MIGHT!”

Charlotte changed the subject. “Not all boys are like that, but if you just don’t like boys, that’s still fine. You can like whoever you like.”

“I like girls.”

“Cool. Uncle Henry is a boy who likes a boy, Uncle Craig. And Uncle Jake and Uncle Ray…”

She looked frustrated, “Do only boys get to like boys in the world?” They’d already warned her that people are mean to girls, was not being able to like like other girls part of that meanness?

“No! Everybody gets to like whoever they like and sometimes the world is mean about it, but sometimes the world is nice.”

“The world better be nice to me, because there’s plenty of dirt out there for me to put on their sandwiches.”

Jasper whispered, “She’s terrifying, like you.”

“If by that you mean that she’s brilliant, thank you,” Charlotte whispered back and kissed him briefly.

“Hi. Could you not? I don’t really want to have to see boys and girls kiss in my own home,” Amber said, inciting cackles from both of them.

Ruby didn’t care either way. Whenever they told her all these things, they said they didn’t have questions, were undecided on if they knew what their gender was and didn’t care about racist people because, “I have a big, strong dad, a mom that can kill people quietly, an older sister who fights people and one that pees in people’s colas. I think that I’m well protected.”

Jasper and Charlotte were nodding, presuming that they probably had talked to their sisters about this before, but both stopped at “pees in people’s colas” and said, “Wait, what?” Ruby tilted their head, acting like they had no idea what they were asking about.

“I have nothing further,” Ruby said. They kept the “their/them” pronouns throughout life. It just seemed like a lot to them, to sit there and think and decide who they felt like when their upbringing didn’t place any value on gender roles. But, they were also fine with whatever pronouns someone else used for them. It didn’t really matter. 

Henry retired from hero life at 50. 

The Dunlop kids and the Hart kids got together to plan a Semi-Centennial celebration for their parents, instead of calling in a joint birthday celebration. A lot of things were happening within a few years’ time. Jasper and Charlotte being married for 25 years, Jazz becoming a professional athlete, Amber getting engaged to her college sweetheart, Ruby graduating from high school at the top of their class, JUST like their mom and going into an entire new wave of technology that fascinated Charlotte, and Diamond going into high school, and the fact that Uncle Henry was getting ready to “settle peacefully from everything else” and focus on H<3art Eyes until his official retirement… so retiring from Captain Danger so that he could have at least some good years in the wedding shop with his kids and husband, just living his life. 

His Dad and Ray had bought a boat a while back, which they mostly lived on, did some traveling in and also continued to enjoy perks such as the old Man Copter, which Ray basically just redecorated and put a cheesy postcard like caricature of the two of them on the side of it. The same for the RV that Jake brought, for whenever they wanted to travel on land. They were both retired and had no small kids. Ray never told Jake about Captain Man. The Hart kids agreed that he just COULDN'T have that information. It didn’t matter, anyway. They had been working well for about 20 years at that point. Neither chose to get married, but what they had was pretty undeniable. 

The child advocate in Charlotte Ambrosia Dunlop got with Schwoz years prior to come up with a way to keep Swellview safe from the villain threats without training children to work as heroes until they couldn’t. It was a solution that they sort of came to simultaneously, and Schwoz was very upset that he hadn’t really considered it before… Clone generation. Recreating a Captain Man and Captain Danger clone and having the Man Cave computer know just how and when they would need to be replenished! Charlotte didn’t want Schwoz to have to stay there, being the brain behind the thing, so she convinced him to make a Safe Halley, to control it all and to simply keep access to it, if something went wrong, one of them could go sort it out if they had to. But, they didn’t. They never had to again, and Swellview was still quite safe.

.

Charlotte, Jasper, Henry, Piper, Ray, and Schwoz sit on the patio, looking at the view of the sunsetting on the mountains during their annual Man Fam Getaway… “Our life was stupid crazy. I wouldn’t change a thing,” Charlotte said and everybody heard her and they all agreed.

*** The End***

[tricksterreformed-a]

v1: MAIN

My main verse for Gabriel is set after his s13 death where he’s back from the dead (for real this time!)

Set before the end of the series.

He didn’t actually annoy the Empty into letting him out (it was a little more complicated than that) but he’s content to let people think that because it fits with his brand.

He also didn’t dramatically announce his return to the land of the living, and instead quietly went back to doing what he’d always done...

Basically the main verse has Gabriel back on his bullshit, trying to take the skillset he feels he’s best at (the Trickster skills) and turn those tools into something angelic. 

It’s a softer version of his old bullshit.

Posts without a specialized tag are part of the main verse.

FC is Richard Speight Jr.

v2: A LONG TIME AGO, JUST OUTSIDE THE GARDEN

Anything pre-trickster days falls into this category.

Mainly consists of highfalutin archangel bullshit before Lucifers fall, and the journey to Gabriel getting a job.

He’s basically just a kid who ran away to join the circus... successfully.

If you’d ever like to jump in and start a thread with a very young Archangel who’s still not sure what exactly he’s going to do about everything but who knows he’s going to do something just let me know.

The general tag is v once upon a time later.

FC is Sibel Kekilli or Rose Leslie depending on what I’m doing.

Other FCs will be added as I map out the weird journey that got Gabriel to Loki.

If you’re curious about the pronoun stuff I’m doing I tried my best to spell it out here.

v3: THE TRICKSTER

Set at any time between when Gabriel went into “witness protection” and when he started bumping into the Winchesters. 

Most of my ideas for this fall into two categories:  1. Anyone hunting him or just trying to track him down.  2. A non-hunter walking up to him and asking him what the fuck he’s doing because sir?? you don’t actually work here? ? ?  The paperwork says you’ve been here for 4 years but that can’t be right???

But please hit me up of you have any other/better ideas.  

My tag for this one is v the trickster pre reform.

FC is Richard Speight Jr.

v4: NEWLY HUMAN AND STRANGELY LITERAL

Or: In Which Gabriel Makes a Choice and Becomes Human.

The short version is: If given the choice between eternal isolation in Heaven and powerless freedom on Earth Gabriel would choose the latter. 

But like... without stopping to think it through.

Basically a hot mess with no powers.

Details avalible upon request.

The tag for this one will be v i have finesse coming out of my bottom. 

FC will be the usual guy. 

v5:  END OF THE ROAD

Or: the post-series one.

Which is easier to write for a character who was already dead when the series ended, go figure.

The universe is under new management, but maybe there’s a little room for the old guard to help ease the transition. 

Not that Gabriel is particularly helpful.

It’s not a malicious thing, but when he was offered a say in the managing of Heaven he declined, because he will always be his Father’s son and he doesn’t want any of that mixed into the new thing, which seems neat (not his thing but neat).

So he went back to Earth (which is very much his thing) and got back to work, trying to soften his old Trickster schtick.

Much like in v1.

But he’s a little more open to giving advice and being hands on, should the new management request he do so.

Tag is v take a left here it’s not over yet and FC might be Wilmer Valderrama. I’m considering....

v6: THE GRASSLANDS ARE ENDLESS AND SUMMER SINGS ON

Or: The High Fantasy One.

aka a DnD AU.

Details can be found here.

Basically it’s Bard bullshit.

This tag’s a doozy y’all get ready, v The future changes as we stand here else we are the game pieces of the gods not their heirs as we have been promised.

FC is the usualy guy and sometimes faceless Iain Glen

v7: CLOSED VERSE ; NEPHIL SURPRISE

A verse specifically for the timeline in which Gabriel and @heartsurpluss‘s Rowena accidentally make themselves a very dangerous baby

Tag is v a halo and a human soul and anyone is free to comment on the goings on in this verse 

But some plotting will be required if you really want to get in on it

MISC

I’m also open to doing temporary/test AUs.

Or just genre based writing.

Tag is v temporary AU.

[caffeinatedcoloring]

I just rewatched Miles McKenna’s 1 year transition timeline again and like, wow I’m so proud of my son and dad but also like, wow dysphoria??

(I can’t make a page break on mobile, so dysphoria cw for the rest of the post)

Like, I’m super lucky in that I have the most supportive friends a guy could ask for, who call my by my name and use my pronouns and remind me to take off my binder if I forget and all this great stuff, so I honestly forget sometimes how much I absolutely don’t pass. And like, yeah passing doesn’t really matter and gender isn’t real anyways but also it still hurts?

I watch transition timelines and on the one hand it’s super inspiring to me and I’m so hype to get on hormones that I want to immediately uber to the nearest planned parenthood and sign off on the informed consent and just get my T shots (yes I know it’s not that easy dw) but on the other hand, I know I’m not there yet and I won’t be there for a while and until then I’m constantly read as a girl no matter what. At best I’m read as butch and at worst I’m seen in a dress presenting super femme against my will. Idk y’all I’m just hurting rn but I’ll be okay in a few hours when I forget about it

[vaalskra]

I posted 310 times in 2021

16 posts created (5%)

294 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 18.4 posts.

I added 29 tags in 2021

#vaal rambling - 7 posts

#vaalskra transition timeline 🏳️‍⚧️ - 6 posts

#vaalskra - 5 posts

#vaal selfie - 4 posts

#transfemme - 2 posts

#peep the yule decorations on the stair railing lol - 1 posts

#clown - 1 posts

#sad clown - 1 posts

#spooky season - 1 posts

#yes i climbed into a garbage can - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#how can we forget our past so quickly like the cock monologue wasn’t that long ago?? right????

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

pigeon head!! pigeon head!! pigeon head!! anyway the moon moved into taurus and i’m feeling sO MUCH bETTER 😭

2 notes • Posted 2021-10-21 15:17:16 GMT

#4

too many types of social media and i can’t be bothered to learn how to use twitter

2 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 15:28:06 GMT

#3

See the full post

3 notes • Posted 2021-10-28 23:00:07 GMT

#2

ok y’all... day one of hrt. 🥰🎉

6 notes • Posted 2021-03-15 22:53:49 GMT

#1

so do i fully lean into this vampire aesthetic or what

can’t decide if i’m just in a mood™ or if i really wanna be ✨edgy✨ again

7 notes • Posted 2021-10-21 05:33:46 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[todoscript]

hi astrid! i love your gifs. i'm curious what your answers would be for 1,4,8 and 23!

heyyy!! thank you for liking my gifs! <333

to answer your asks:

1. How did you get into graphics / gif making?

I initially got into graphics and gif making on another blog of mine 5-6 years ago and was inspired by many gif-making blogs already existing at the time. at first, i mainly made gifs and graphics for haikyuu, but then i slowly transitioned to making them for kpop and started gaining a sizable amount of notes. i eventually stopped creating content though since i couldnt manage and keep up with my blog due to school. but here we are now!

4. What do you enjoy about making graphics / gifs?

putting colorings on everything and making it look pretty. idk, the aesthetic part of graphic/gif-making really pleases me. also, seeing everyone’s tags underneath my gifs are pretty cool. some of y’all say hilarious stuff

8. Your favourite graphic and or gif created by yourself

hmm, i havent made as many on here, but i would say my bnha song edit or this 3 x 3 of the bnha trio! maybe even the recent one of shouto from season 5 episode 7??? just because it’s shouto and i like the colors 💕

23. What is your biggest improvement in the past month?

my fading transitions! i use to just manually change the opacity on frames and paste them over the selection, but i found you can edit the transitions on the timeline so now everything looks way smoother and more natural

ASK A GRAPHIC / GIF MAKER

[scriptmin]

three worlds theory

Warning: Shitload of crappy, awkward screenshots and LQ gifs ahead. But it’ll be worth it.

This is not an analysis that attempts to formulate a hard, foolproof storyline, but rather, it is an interpretation of why the chosen colours are associated with certain scenes/members, and the meanings they might represent to the relevant member. More literal than figurative.

Get your colour wheels out, children.

Right from the get-go we have a scene of Jungkook who appears to be just waking up. While some may feel his awakening marks the beginning of the events about to unfold throughout the video, I believe he is only waking up after everything has already happened. The paint streaks on the wall resemble the aftermath of an epic explosion, which we will go into later on.

In this scene we can safely assume that Taehyung seems to have entered a limbo of sorts because of the standstill on the entire set. The faceless figure on the left hand side is Hoseok, and proof of why that is so is in the screenshot on the right. We’ll see the white portion of the sleeve again later in Hoseok’s individual cuts.

I want to draw focus into the choice of colour in the left screenshot. Seeing as how the red and blue (i.e two worlds) are shown meshed together, can we assume that this could be a void space between Red World and Blue World? Taking it one step further— could the choice to use blue at the center and red at the sidelines be reasonable grounds to say that Taehyung seems to belong more to the Blue World than Red?

Here in Red World, Jimin has just removed Yoongi’s hands from his eyes. He then begins to break free from who we can guess has been his “captor” or “guardian”, but he is hesitant. He looks back despite his forward steps, as if to say, “is this okay? Can I do this? Can I really leave?” Yoongi however makes no attempt to stop him, his unchanging posture leading me to think that he has already predicted this. The red background then transitions into black, and Jimin is seen running into yet another void— traveling between worlds.

This is one of the best scenes. For the first time since the opening cut, we are able to see all three colours in a single shot. On the left there’s Namjoon and blue, on the right, Jungkook and red. On the rim of the window in the background is the colour green.

If you’ve watched the MV, you’ll see that Red Jimin literally crosses worlds and ends up meeting Blue Jimin. But here, I believe that the clashing of Blue and Red and the fact that Namjoon and Jungkook, boys from two different “worlds” can meet, is not something to take literally. Rather, we should view it as Blue Namjoon being representative of certain qualities such as: maturity, adulthood, while Red Jungkook could be a boy of the exact opposite— volatility, ignorance, youth.

Why I make this assumption is because of the scenery beyond the window. On the blue side we see what looks like a pretty expensive neighbourhood— sleek, clean high-rises, and on the red side we see a large “motel” sign amidst a street of old, rugged shophouses/buildings. (See: SKOPF)

But the next thing I notice is how there seems to be a greater volume of blue than red. The table leg marking the middle line in the frame is where we naturally expect the blue stops and red begins, but instead, the blue eats into Jungkook’s half of the shot, taking up a good two-thirds of the frame. This could be a sign that Jungkook, despite still having traces of immaturity, is slowly starting to be influenced by his hyung, and is beginning to walk his own path towards Blue. At 19 years old, he is leaving behind his teens and entering “adulthood.”

BUT, I think the colour blue, and essentially the Blue World here, only represents maturity-with-age. Just like how many people say age does not always equal maturity, it is also very possible that a teen can possess a higher level of spiritual, mental and/or emotional maturity than a full-fledged adult provided said teen has gone through the experiences necessary to achieving it. The Blue World that Namjoon is in right now could solely be because of his seniority in age, and with the sheer number of years lived comes certain experiences that a young Jungkook might not have gone through for himself yet. In this instance, Namjoon is indeed mature in comparison to his younger friend, but he is not fully developed, therefore his maturity is not innate.

In contrast to the blue and red, green takes up very little space in the frame, and will very likely go unnoticed amidst the bigger picture. This could be done with the intention of only wanting to subtly hint of the third and greater world that neither of the boys in this scene have achieved yet. The meeting of these two boys and the deed that follows (JK’s consumption of absinthe) could be the start of transcending the Red and Blue worlds. But as you all know, the green drink that Namjoon offers the younger in what we can assume is an attempt to bring him over to “maturity”, does not go well at all.

In a still very obviously Red world, Jungkook hurls a portion of the liquid that Namjoon has just given him. Why didn’t it work? Now’s the time to get out your colour wheels.

Which colours do you mix to achieve blue?

The answer is none. Blue is a primary colour and cannot be obtained by mixing. On this basis, we get a confirmation that Namjoon’s world of maturity founded based on age is a destination that Jungkook cannot arrive at without first having to live through the same number of years. In simpler terms, there is no shortcut to age maturity, for the very simple fact that it is impossible to age three years in one go.

So then what colour did Namjoon create by giving Red Jungkook a green drink? Well, Red + Green = Cyan.

In the cuts between NJ and JK’s exchange, we get a solo shot of Namjoon sitting in a green room. He then turns around to look into a red mirror and… smirks?

Oh, but we don’t actually get to see the smirk. Cheeky fellas. To claim that mirrors are one of the many portals to alternate worlds is not entirely blasphemy— the idea has been used in multiple mediums.

This cut gives us a bit more insight to the Green World that, so far, has a grand population of one. I’m starting to get a vibe that the Green World is somehow a more ultimate place than Blue and Red. There seems to be an awareness that transcends the world he is in, and extends to the Red World as we can already see, and possibly even Blue. Could it be that Green Namjoon (and Green Whoever) possesses some form of godly foresight? Do they not only know what is happening in the other worlds, but also what will happen?

It’s either that or simply, the Green World represents a period in the future where the member has achieved true maturity and is looking back on his progress, the trials he overcame in order to get to where he is. You can choose to go with whichever.

And while all this is happening, it is clear a certain someone doesn’t give a flying fuck. Jimin.

Obviously the journey between worlds is no easy feat. Red Jimin makes a quick pitstop to refuel and… apples are his first choice. Maybe the prison world in which Yoongi locked him had a trade ban on apples. 

Anyhow, I digress. In this shot we are introduced a fourth colour— magenta. I won’t be getting into the symbolism behind that apple and him eating it because with the amount of theories out, y’all would have an idea by now. But yes, we can interpret this as Red Jimin accepting his “sin”, him meeting his evil and accepting it— accepting his duality. To put it into colours, I would say a young, ignorant Red Jimin has managed to survive his share of growing pains and achieved maturity-through-age (Blue) by his own means. And because red and blue are both primary colours, mixing is possible, and the mixing worked.

Red + Blue = Magenta.

Or so we thought.

When the apple is thoroughly ground, magenta transitions to green. This scene is the reason why I didn’t say “we are introduced a fourth world” earlier. Magenta is merely a transition phase into the seemingly peaceful, balanced world of Green. We may view this as Jimin not just acknowledging his “evil” or his “temptations”, but going one step further to completely ground it, drink it, and become one with it. We can say that here, Jimin has finally reached true maturity. Green World Population: two.

At this point we can all agree that Red and Blue Worlds are 1) primary worlds, aka worlds that are equal, one is not better than the other, one is not better without the other, 2) phases of growth that represent youth (red) and aged maturity (blue) / knowledge (red) and ignorance (blue) / temptation (red) and purity (blue) and finally, 3) literal sections of an individual’s timeline. Do note that for point three, there is not one colour that must come before the other, it depends on the growing process, which is entirely unique and personal to the individual.

Since we’ve touched on magenta, let’s revisit this familiar scene:

Before we get into what I think is actually happening, I want to zoom in a little on Jungkook over there on our right. I maaay be stretching it a little tight, but doesn’t it seem as though Jungkook’s side of the shot is a little more red than magenta, as compared to Jimin on the left? It could just be owed to the actual lighting on set and all, but I like to think that he’s still Red Jungkook just because it rolls with my little presentation here so much more. Also— is it just coincidence that, much like his scene with Namjoon, Jungkook is once again positioned at the right hand side of the frame? Hmm… You be the judge.

Back to magenta. We mentioned before that this colour is merely a transition into the Green World that is presumably the destination everyone wants to arrive at eventually. Now, if Jimin had his apple, what does Taehyung have that combines his Blue-Red Worlds to form magenta?

The elimination of his abuser. Some victims cannot realise that they are being abused, especially in domestic violence. The fact that Taehyung can learn this and step up to confront his personal demon is one form of maturity. Taehyung’s act here contains huge contradictory elements. The aspect of a son killing his own father then brings in the concept of Abraxas, a god that is good and evil. 

While he is doing good by putting he and his sister out of misery by eliminating their abuser, he is also committing a sin by becoming a child that murders his parent, which will most likely guarantee a lifetime of shame and blame, no matter the reason for doing it. But the fact that Taehyung still did it shows that he is willing to swallow that “evil” and let it become part of himself, much like Jimin eating his apples. Hence, the magenta.

But seeing as how his maturity took place during INU era, and basing it on the plain and simple fact that INU MV was released in 2015, this act would have been quite some time ago by now. Therefore we can say that Taehyung has been wandering in the magenta realm for a while, refusing to accept the Green World.

Why does he refuse? I say most likely because of guilt. This refusal could be part of what hinders his growth and progression from magenta to green. We see numerous displays of this in Prologue, some in Spring Day— hell we even have the entire Stigma where he sings about his guilt.

In a background of magenta, someone holds a green dart.

I’ve seen some people debating on whether the one throwing the dart is Hoseok or Seokjin. From the screenshots above, it’s obviously the former. However, we never get a proper glimpse of his face throughout the magenta scene with Taehyung— why’s that? Perhaps Hoseok is not exactly in the magenta phase at that point in time. That is why we only get shots of him facing the three youngest members, while he stands against the camera. Like an outsider.

But why Hoseok? Wasn’t Taehyung initially paired with Namjoon (in INU and especially Run)? I would say that according to his short film and song, MAMA, where he blatantly expresses his love and appreciation for his mother, Hoseok is the best fit to act as Taehyung’s “transitioner”. Throughout the MVs, we have never once seen a motherly figure present in Taehyung’s life. And here one is overflowing with motherly love, while the other is pitifully lacking it. What better “guide” could Taehyung ask for, if not Hoseok?

But it appears Taehyung still doesn’t want it. He needs to be held down by two other members and flinches whenever Hoseok so much so as looks at him, as seen in the way the two scenes are arranged in the MV. Here we wonder— what could be the problem? Why doesn’t he want Hoseok’s help?

I want to suggest that it’s because Hoseok is in the “falsely” mature Blue World. Trapped in a holding facility, Hoseok could still be clinging to the motherly embrace that he loves so dearly, much like the attitude of a young Sinclair where he is relieved to know he can run to his mother’s arms and return to the clean, pure world once again.

Perhaps Taehyung recognizes this: that Hoseok is just a fake. We never see that dart go off, because Hoseok’s hand is still poised in the air, ready to fire, in the first screenshot of Taehyung. Although we first mentioned that he entered a limbo in this moment, I think we mustn’t rule out the possibility that he could also have receded into his sub-conscience.

And in between all this, we get one shot of Namjoon and Seokjin each.

The direction Namjoon is looking in and the colour of the shot is almost as if he’s looking at Taehyung, since their positions and background do add up. After majorly fucking Jungkook over, of course Namjoon would be curious as to whether Hoseok’s attempt at “maturing” Taehyung is going to work. but none of us ever finds out, because he escapes into a limbo/sub-conscience. 

Here’s where Seokjin comes in— we’ve been getting hints that he’s some sort of observer throughout all this. No matter in which era or music video, Seokjin is always isolated from the group. He has his own story going, and I won’t go into what it is, but let’s just establish that he either has foresight, a supernatural sixth sense as to what their fates are, or is just looking back on all that has happened. Whatever it is, I am given the idea that he knows what Taehyung is about to do. Hoseok will fail at transitioning him, he’ll go into a limbo and when he comes out, Seokjin knows exactly where he’ll be.

The same kitchen where it all started, of course. While he beats the living daylights out of a probably very confused Taehyung, the audio in the MV pauses abruptly to accommodate a very soft and inconspicuous “Sorry,” from Seokjin to Taehyung.

The reason why the elder has to resort to this drastic measure of hurting his friend is unclear, but since we’ve gathered that Taehyung has been wandering in the magenta realm for a long time, we might as well go on to say that he could be the last to enter the Green World, and Seokjin is helping him along. Taehyung, on the other hand, has no idea. And the pain of being hurt by a trusted friend goes deep enough to birth that one mysterious line in his song, Stigma:

Why did you do that to me back then?

We see a clear mirror of INU in which Taehyung also stabbed his father. Whatever Seokjin’s intentions were, Taehyung’s actions triggers some sort of artistic orgasm, and a burst of colours explode in Jungkook’s room.

Remember the explosion I mentioned right at the beginning? This is it.

I am led to believe that the explosion we just saw is synonymous with the supposed destruction of the Blue World, as we see in this next screenshot:

If a glass window or mirror were to suddenly shatter right next to you, the natural reaction would surely be shock, but in Namjoon’s case, he clearly doesn’t seem bothered by it. Did he already expect this? Once again, my belief that Green Residents have some type of foresight is reinforced. Their awareness is much higher than anyone in the Red and Blue Worlds.

Namjoon’s scene cuts to that of Taehyung who appears to have gone off the rails, scratching walls with a screwdriver as he seemingly emerges from green light. But wait… screwdriver? Green light…?

Stigma opens with this scene. His scratching of the name Abraxas comes off to me as lot like he’s facing a moral dilemma. Does he believe in the god or not? Before, stabbing his father as a form of self-defense was somewhat excusable in the eyes of the law and his own guilty-conscience, he could be forgiven, and forgive himself, by resigning himself as a figure of good and evil. But after what he did to Seokjin? Maybe the “stigma” isn’t about the wicked son killing his father or being a criminal in society, but rather, the one on a murderer always being a murderer.

Can a leopard ever change its spots?

Taehyung emerges from an opening that pours out green light, aka the Green World, as he scratches his way up the stairs, the light turns blue. 

Remember how I said that Taehyung rejected the Green World probably because of the guilt from stabbing his father? Here’s another thought: what if he was already in it, and only escaped?

Despite the above screenshots being a scene that is shown after the destruction of the Blue World, I want to think that not all scenes are in chronological order, and this could have happened before Blue was obliterated.

Taehyung is very clearly on the Blue side of the frame, and he is the only one looking into the bucket with a green rim. I would say this is yet another portal to the next world, that being Green, and as a gleeful escapee, Taehyung seems to be peering in to check out how things are going.

In that light, wouldn’t it also make sense for me to say that Hoseok shooting a dart at Taehyung is not to lead him to the Green World, but to put him back?

I think those are enough thinking caps to put on for one post.

Read on to the next if you’re still interested in how I conclude this epic word vomit. Feel free to send in your thoughts so far too.

[monstersarealwayshungryrpg-blog]

Congratulations Karia! You have been accepted as Temperance (FC: Lee Sung Kyung)

We really loved your app for Temperance! Yuna’s background is so beautifully fleshed out and fascinating, and we think she’ll make a great addition to the group! We can’t wait to see how you expand on her story! Make sure to follow the checklist and send us your account within 48 hours! WELCOME TO THE ARCANA RING, KARIA. WE HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY.

Out Of Character Information

Name: Karia

Pronouns: she/her pls

Age: 25

In Character Information

Skeleton Applying for: Temperance

Faceclaim: Lee Sung Kyung ( I don’t have any other choices, apologies )

Character’s Full Name: Yu Na Jou ( she goes by Yuna, feels that it’s easier for people. )

Age: 26

Gender and Sexuality: cisfemale ; bisexual/romantic

Character Bio: ( this got a little long, hope y’all don’t mind! )

(TW: Violence)

The breeze through her hair, the sun on her skin, the freshest fruits on her tongue at a moment’s notice. Yuna had an upbringing most people would wish for. She grew up in Busan, South Korea, living on the coast with a few miles of private beach at her fingertips. Her mother was your typical South Korean woman, playing housewife & child rearer to her & her two sisters. Her father was a real-estate tycoon, owning most of the land that was Gwangalli Beach. It’s not very hard to see how this kept them in a very comfortable lifestyle, & the five of them never really wanted for much. Her two sisters were much younger than her, having only been born when she was 18, & they kept her Mother busy most of the time, leaving Yuna up to her own devices. Not that she ever got into any trouble. Her parents had raised her properly, ensuring she received a good education, knew her manners, & never let the fortunate circumstance of her life go to her head.  She had a good head on her shoulders & managed to stay humble, even with the multiple zero’s her credit card had access to.

She graduated from school right on time, a year early at seventeen. Perfect grades, the head of a few social clubs, heavily involved in the choir. She was sent off to Seoul National University, her father sparing no expense, to earn her undergraduate degree in business management. Everything when entirely according to the plan, which Yuna was more than content in following. She understood that some people may be bitter, if their father’s were to have their life laid on a timeline, but she never felt that way. He had provided so much for his family, & she felt it was only fair for her to abandon dreams of being a songstress to help him run his business. If she could return the favor when it was time to provide for him, she would complete her duty as a good daughter, & she couldn’t wish for anything more than that.

Yuna returned home to Busan at 22, & her father hadn’t missed a beat. Within a week of being home, she was introduced to his few employees & brought into business meetings. She was meant to oversee his finances, to take on the role of accountant & ensure all of the numbers added up correctly. It was easy enough, her studying made her over-qualified for the job, but it wasn’t necessary to bother her father with the small things. Things ran smoothly for the next three & a half years, & while Yuna’s own dreams were pushed to the side, she kept her shoulders back, & a head full of happy thoughts. She was doing a good thing, & that was enough to keep her smiling.

She had no idea how fast it could all change.

The setting was entirely typical, the sun setting in the distance, the oranges & reds falling over the city as the neon lights flickered on. It took her an hour of subway rides & walking get home, & by the end of her journey the stars competed with the street lights to light up the boardwalk down the beach.

She’d always known Busan could be unsafe, she’d just seldom seen it with her own eyes. Yuna always looked down & away, always kept her nose to herself & minded her own, just as she’d been taught. That was safe, what you didn’t see couldn’t come back to bite you later. But this time, brown eyes couldn’t look away. The language that was being shouted in is what drew her attention, & she instantly recognized it as Chinese. Two men in black fighting in a parking lot, the scuffle went on for minutes until one of them pulled out a gun. Yuna watched wide eyed, frozen mid-step on the sidewalk twenty feet away. The gun was loud, her gasp was soft, but somehow he’d heard. The look on his face as he rose to come her way told her they wouldn’t be talking, & that she might end up like the other man, face down on the asphalt. So she did the only thing she could, & ran.

He followed her home, but bodyguards she used to pretend her father didn’t have got to him before he got to her. She made it home free of harm, & only talked about it when her father asked. A week went by & there was nothing, so Yuna came down from the panic that had settled in her bones, & was sure that life had returned to normal for good. & of course, the very next day after having the thought, the gods decided to prove her wrong.

Her home was robbed. Entirely sacked, everything broken & in pieces. Her father increased security, saying that he’d die before he picked up & moved. But it didn’t do anything to deter the harassment. It escalated from the robbery to their boardwalk being torched, her father’s office being shot at. Ten days after their home was invaded Yuna received a death threat from an unknown number on her work phone. She became more anxious & paranoid as the hours ticked by - she didn’t even know what she’d seen, other than one man shooting another. Why were they after her in this way? Why did it matter so much? She wouldn’t say a thing, why couldn’t they just leave her be? The next day she was attacked on the subway after her guards lost sight of her, & thought she’d fought the man off, she came out with a bloody nose, a black eye, & a dislocated wrist from punching too hard. She didn’t deserve this, & she couldn’t just sit there & take it.

The attack seemed to be the last straw. Her father didn’t waste a moment in forcing her to board a plane to Paris. He had an old friend there that was willing to put her up for a few weeks while things settled down. She would be able to work remotely from her laptop there, & her father said to look at as a vacation. While that was impossible for her, she nodded & went. Even if she was being sent away, at least her torment would end.

& it did… for awhile. Yuna only got two weeks of reprieve, before she came home to her father’s friend’s flat to find him in a pool of his own blood. Again, she ran. Right out of the apartment, right out of that neighborhood, right away from anyone who knew her face. She didn’t understand what she’d gotten tangled up in, but she could see clearly that they wouldn’t stop. No one else could get hurt because of her. She didn’t call her father, she stopped using her credit cards, & for the first time in her life, she was left entirely to her own devices, she had to survive on her own.

It hadn’t been easy. She’d gone hungry, barely kept herself clean & presentable, struggled for weeks to find anyone that would even speak with her, let alone give her some sort of employment. It’d been seven months since her life had taken a turn for the worst, & Yuna had started to lose hope that she’d ever be able to get back to the way she was, the person that she was. But one day luck smiled on her & she ended up shivering outside the right bar at the right time, & she couldn’t believe that something in life actually lined up in her favor. A lovely woman took pity on her on that cold, rainy day, & her life changed forever. She traded in pencil skirts for a vet & dress, traded modest heels in for stunner shoes. That degree she earned in business management sat collecting dust as she bartended for those in the Arcana. It was mind blowing to look back on the road that brought her here, but she couldn’t spend time worrying about that now. Her peaceful disposition & her natural kindness had unfortunately dubbed her something of a peacekeeper, & with this crowd… it was one hell of a task.

Extra: Just wanted to say: I re-read the bio I just wrote… & I understand that Random Attack & the things that follow seem Random, but sometimes things in life happen that way, & we never learn why. Yuna is simply a victim of that circumstance. I am building a pinterest board for her, it’s small now but it is growing. Here are some headcanons too! 1, Despite her transition into this new world, she still maintains her original personality. Sweet, kind, always trying to see the best in people. Though now, she’s a little less optimistic. A little more willing to believe that people can be terrible & do terrible things. She’s learning what to look for, what to listen for, all still while wearing a smile. 2, Yuna misses her family terribly, but she still thinks it’s best to keep them out of the picture. The Ring keeps her safe because she’s here in Paris, but she can’t expect that to extend all the way to South Korea. She’s also confident that now she’s out of the picture, her family is being left alone. 3, She misses the nature she used to be exposed to, especially the flowers. She keeps what blooming plants she can in her apartment, just to have a way to be close to home. 4, She doesn’t like to fight, & is all about de-escalation, but if it comes down to it, she will defend herself. She’s taken a few self defense classes, & has learned how to properly fight off an attacker without harming herself. 5, She has a black cat named Mew. The Ring does keep her safe, but they can’t keep away the loneliness. Mew helps. 6, Yuna is extremely meticulous about her appearance & hygiene. She doesn’t ever look worse for wear, or like she just rolled out of bed.

I reaaaaallly like this role play & I really hope to get accepted! You guys have done such a beautiful job with this, major props! :)

Anything Else: Nooope! I see that connections have been changed around a bit, but I’m willing to stick with what she’s got. Especially her connection with The Empress. I imagine Yuna’s transferred the worship she used to devote to her father, to her.

[lusciousbeast-blog]

219.

Initially, writing about getting married seemed like a GREAT idea. Now, judging by the fact that I’ve barely managed to write once every six weeks or so, the whole thing seems rather pointless. Even now, my brain is really struggling to put a sentence together, due mostly in part to the fact that it’s completely clogged, courtesy of my overconsumption of cheese and eggnog over the past few weeks (if you haven’t tried the Harmony Organic Eggnog, do yourself a favour and get some next Christmas– it’s fucking incredible).  

Time feels like it’s racing. Normally, when I have something really big to look forward to, everything seems to grind to a halt. Not so when you’re planning a wedding. We are now officially less than 8 months away from getting hitched. Now, I know 8 months to most people probably seems like a long time, but when I think it’s been more than that since we got back from Zimbabwe, it’s mental to me. While I’m obviously ridiculously excited to be marrying Craig, the anxiety that has come along with all of it, is overwhelming. So much so, that when I started seeing a naturopath recently, she told me that to her, my body seems like it’s in a constant state of Fight or Flight.

 (In all likelihood, this is something that has been building for a while, long before Craig asked me to be his forever person).

Most of my adult life has been spent planning the next big event to look forward to, while juggling multiple jobs and constantly changing my mind about what I want to be when I grow up. Not one to settle into one thing too easily, (I get SUPER bored if I’m under stimulated), I think it’s all catching up to me now.

When reading all the magazines and other stuff that is the creation of the gazillion dollar wedding industry, I have yet to see an honest account of the “not so pretty” bits of planning what is often billed as the BIGGEST EVENT OF YOUR LIFE.  So that’s going to be my mission today – sharing with y’all some of the things that to date, have almost broken me. In no particular order, here we go.

 BUILDING A WEDDING WEBSITE

Back in the summer, Craig and I were at an audition for a show that was looking for a real-life couple to co-host. While in the waiting room,  we ran in to some friends of his, and he told them about our engagement. After congratulations were given, the husband offered some advice – enjoy every second of it, and know that you will likely get into one big ‘ish fight during the planning process.

SUPER!

When it came to invites, we decided to scrap the whole paper invite thing. For one, because it seems like such an absurd waste of paper, and two, that money could be better spent on say, the open bar, or our photographer, or our kick ass wedding band, or pretty much ANYTHING.  

I’d also perused a bunch of websites and thought it would be a creatively fulfilling process. WRONGO!

After doing the initial research as to what were the most user friendly and aesthetically pleasing sites to use, I started my trial with WeddingWindow. After running into bumps early on (difficulty with picture layout and such), I moved on to (and quickly ditched) WedSite, SquareSpace, Wix and Luvbirds,  before finally deciding to bite the bullet and use Riley and Grey, because they were having a Black Friday 50% off sale. All the sites I tried before them were missing key elements, or were annoying when it came to picture layout and such. Riley and Grey looked very promising, and was going very smoothly, until I tried to upload the picture for the Welcome page, and was met with the spinning wheel of death on my computer screen. This went on for several attempts, at which point I sent a very choicely worded, totally passive aggressive email to customer support, outlining my issue, and explaining, “politely” that what was supposed to be a fun part of an even more fun event, was filling me with rage and almost resulted in my basically brand new computer meeting a premature death.

The gentleman from their support team who got back to me fairly quickly, was incredibly apologetic and spewed out a bunch of tech speak the jist of which, was telling me that they’d just switched their photo editing platform, because Adobe (who powered it previously) basically sucked. I responded with a huge thank you, that I hadn’t quite pulled all my hair out yet, and that he’d saved my iMac from being chucked off my balcony.

I’m pleased to report that the website is now finished, filled with loads of fun pictures and information, and that I checked that fucker off my list.

 THE DRESS

Hm. The Dress. Turns out that buying off the rack is probably the simpler way to go. I’ll keep it simple here by saying that after my first fitting with the dress maker (thankfully only with a cotton muslin version of it), something wasn’t sitting right. I looked frumpy, and the more I thought about it the more I panicked about moving forward with the current design. After much back and forth with my dressmaker (who is LOVELY) and a huge amount of very constructive input from my step-mother, I’m starting from scratch with a new, similar, but more modern and clean version of the initial inspiration I went in with. I was supposed to have the first consultation for this new look last week, but the good old TTC (Toronto’s transit system) ensured that I missed that appointment, even though I gave myself almost two hours to get there. World Class City, incredibly sub-par public transport.

I will report on the progress in the early part of the new year.

 THE TIMELINE

Between all the different weddings I’ve attended and the ones I’ve worked, you’d think I’d have the timeline down. It’s proven to be one of the most anxiety inducing parts. Largely, I think, due to the fact that when I think about things like walking down the aisle with 150 people watching, and giving a wedding speech, I want to throw up a little. My cousin - who is an actor - shared this sentiment when she told me that in spite of her comfort with performing, the thing that she was most unprepared for on her wedding day, was how uncomfortable she felt in the above- mentioned situations. So, I guess it’s normal? Regardless, wanting to make sure people aren’t bored at ANY point, is a big deal. From what I’ve witnessed, most wedding timelines aren’t fully adhered too anyway. This doesn’t change that fact that I think it’s hilarious and sad all at the same time, that someone (me) who organizes the hell out of her life, crumbles at the thought of putting together a timeline, for ONE DAY.

 THE GUEST LIST

Craig can confirm, that barely 48 hours after he proposed, while we were on the flight from Harare to Victoria Falls, I’d already done a rough guest list. Initially I think we both thought we’d be able to contain it to 120 or so people. At last count, I think we’d invited 182 (including kids, who may get left behind).  Our guest list seems to have exploded, and we don’t even have big families to blame! What we feel very confident about however, is that we have the makings for one of the best parties, ever. We both agreed that looking back we’d be more regretful of certain people not being there, than the money we saved trying to contain things. After all, your wedding day is quite possibly the only other time apart from your funeral, where you can bring all the people you love most in the world, together at the same time, and THAT my friends, is pretty awesome.

 QUESTIONING EVERY LITTLE GOD DAMN BIT OF YOUR LIFE

Perhaps it has more to do with the fact that our wedding date is uncomfortably close to when I will turn 40, but the past few months have been filled with self-doubt, fear of the future, questions about my choice (or lack thereof) in career path, guilt over the way I handle certain situations, etc. etc. etc. If it can be doubted, it seems I will doubt it! Thankfully, the one thing I have not doubted, even for one second, is my choice in partner. I am reminded of this on a daily basis. I have managed to find someone who indulges my every impulse (from buying Wally’s World Mugs to drink eggnog out of while watching Christmas Vacation, to immediately agreeing to spontaneous road trips to visit friends, to jumping into the gorge of Victoria Falls attached to a bunjee chord), embraces all my quirks, and stands by patiently, as I anally retentively count every piece of rice his 11 yr has just dropped on the floor while eating take out. That, my friends, is called HITTING THE JACK POT.

 ACKNOWLEDGING THAT CERTAIN THINGS MAY NOT GO AS PLANNED

When I wrote this (last week) I was on a train to Morrisburg to start our Christmas rounds with family and friends. On New Years Eve, I barely made it to midnight, was having body aches and chills, and was dealing with an angry back.

The next night, Jan 1st, 2018, I could barely move without feeling like someone was stabbing me in the back.

Here comes the raw truth of what has been going through my mind now, for several months. I’m TERRIFIED of dying. Always have been.  Even more so now that I have a wedding date a little less than 8 moths away. Usually an optimist, now that I have a date looming I can’t help but think about all the possible ways the universe might interfere with me actually getting to that day.

On January 1st, I felt like death. Exhausted from all the visiting, and over indulging, and sleeping in older, not so supportive beds, AND dealing with INTENSE back pain, as well as an upset stomach, my mind got flooded with memories of my mother when she was going through chemo. Before I knew what was happening, I was uncontrollably sobbing, because I am SO scared of ever having to go through it too.  I don’t know how long this lasted, but I can tell you in that moment, when Craig held me and let me cry so hard I was hyperventilating (at which point he helped calm me down, you know, so I could breathe), I’ve never been more certain that this one part of my life, is super solid. Craig is there with me in my most vulnerable moments, free of judgement, always.

The next morning, after another sleepless, pain filled night, I found out that a contract I’ve had for 4 and half years, was coming to an end, due to a network re-brand. A day I knew would come eventually, just with really sucky timing in this case. Again, Craig was there at my side as I cried. And cried. And cried some more.  In my “PLAN,” this job would have kept going at least until the end of the year, allowing me a little breathing room after I got married, to figure out my next move.

It was not to be.

Today, I’m feeling a little more optimistic. I’ve had a few different physical therapy sessions on my back, and am trying to look at the bright side of not being bound to a weekly gig. I’m choosing to put my energy into focusing on what’s next, the possibilities that await, and mostly, that I have the partner I do, to move through all the unknown with.

What has this got to do with the wedding?

We can try and plan the shit out of this wedding, but the reality is, some things might get dropped along the way, or may not go down exactly the way we picture it in our heads, because that’s life.

Chances are the one thing I can guarantee, is that I will be a blubbery mess (tears of joy obvi) because I get to marry Craig , surrounded by most of my favourite people on the planet. Can’t get much better than that really. 

[junker-town]

The 14 steps along the path to a college football coach getting fired

Barring a sudden surprise firing, it goes something like this every time. Where’s your coach right now?

Think back to the day your college football coach was hired. He was the right guy. He was excited to be there, and you were excited to have him. His intro press conference filled you with optimism.

But that was then. Your team’s falling on hard times again, and it’s time to make a change.

There is a rhythm to the head coach exit. The ebbs and flows that beget the pink slip are largely the same at each school. While there are always going to be unpredictable, overnight breakups, programs tend to progress through the same stages, and it usually plays out over a two-season stretch.

So, where is your program on the progression?

1. The first bad loss.

Maybe the coach has had some time to tear the program down to the studs and rebuild. Maybe he’s an institution, and things are just starting to stale. Either way, the fanbase needs some proof this thing is going to work long-term.

This isn’t the loss that signals the end. This is just planting the seed. You shouldn’t lose to this team, but here we are.

Like when Texas lost, 24-0, to Iowa State in Charlie Strong’s second year.

All the good feelings, all the talk about the potential for bowl eligibility and progress? Out the window. This team won't have a postseason and Strong has major questions to answer. Saying that the team is better than it showed will no longer suffice. If there's one positive, it's that he didn't try to do so in the post-game press conference.

Strong would get one more season.

2. The buck-stops-here press conference.

Everyone’s upset, and it’s time for the coach to take responsibility, like Will Muschamp after Florida lost to then-FCS Georgia Southern:

“You got to change the scoreboard offensively. You got to be able to change the scoreboard. We’ve just struggled scoring points offensively. It’s been a week-in, week-out occurrence. My job to get it fixed and it will get fixed.”

Oh, that did not get fixed. Muschamp would exit stage left the next season.

3. The vote of confidence.

There’s blood in the water, but your AD or school president isn’t punting yet. They just need a little bit more time. Like Kyle Flood at Rutgers, when then-AD Julie Hermann pledged support.

Flood is 15-10 in his two seasons.

“Our football program continues to evolve and grow, as evidenced by the changes Coach Flood just announced," Hermann said in a statement. "I support these moves and Kyle’s leadership as we transition into the Big Ten.

Flood would be gone after two more flailing seasons.

4. Firing assistant coaches.

One side of the ball just isn’t working like it’s supposed to. It’s time to axe a coordinator to placate the masses. The new guy can promise the offense/defense will be more multiple and physical.

Finish 97th nationally in total defense like Maryland did in 2014? It’s time for a change.

The Terrapins' defense had declined statistically over each of the past two seasons, culminating in disappointing performances for the senior-heavy unit against Rutgers and Stanford to end the season. Randy Edsall has decided to overhaul the defense[.]

Edsall would get the boot at the end of the 2015 season.

5. “How many wins does he need?”

Is it a magic number, or is it the “right” wins on the schedule? Either way, if media days are dominated by trying to figure out the right combination of wins and losses, the goose is likely cooked.

How good is good enough for Michigan, and Brady Hoke, in 2014?

Not only in regaining the respect the Wolverines have lost since the shocking upset loss to Appalachian State to open the 2007 season, but to justify Hoke remaining as the Wolverines’ head football coach.

Hoke was gone by the end of 2014.

And the jig is close to up if one particular game is make-or-break.

There is a dwindling number of scenarios wherein [Al] Golden keeps his job, but all of them include Miami winning in Tallahassee (and then doing quite a few other things).

Golden couldn’t beat FSU, among other teams, and was out.

6. Benching the QB for a younger guy.

Your QB might be a veteran junior starter, but the offense just doesn’t look like it’s clicking. It’s high time for that backup to play and show the administration how great the future looks under you.

The bye week is a perfect time for this. He’s got the first week to get adjusted to the first-team offense, and the second week to get the game plan.

Helfrich became the first coach Oregon had fired since the 1970s.

7. Young alum coordinator or head coach is getting it together, wherever he is now.

Y’all see that grass over there? It’s green as hell.

You think it’s time for your AD to make a phone call to that former player coaching somewhere else, damnit. Certainly he’ll come home.

"I left Texas A&M because my school called me," Bear Bryant said when he took the Alabama job 60 years ago. "Mama called, and when Mama calls, then you just have to come running."

You might not have even fired your actual head coach yet, but it’s time for some public flirtation by the fanbase (Lookin’ at you, Nebraska).

This is the type of ENERGY and PASSION we need from a head coach! https://t.co/y5kGvSOpZc

— Scott Frost to NU (@frost_to_NU) October 18, 2017

8. Social media is fed the hell up, way beyond the usual. Your entire timeline is unified.

This one can take a ton of different forms. It could be calling for a Lane Kiffin tarmac firing this instant:

4 years ago, USC fired Lane Kiffin. If Helton doesn’t want a similar fate at the end of the year, he needs to fix his ship.

— Victor The Great ✌ (@vicorly) October 27, 2017

Leave him on the tarmac like Lane Kiffin when he was fired at USC

— #DutchDestroyer (@_Philly_Talk) October 24, 2017

Perhaps the former players start weighing in:

#WAREAGLE http://pic.twitter.com/2Qp0Dm3Zt5

— Heath Evans (@HeathEvans44) October 14, 2017

I think it's time for the UT leaders to have a come to Jesus meeting with Butch!!! #changeisamust #VFL

— Albert Haynesworth (@haynesworthiii) September 23, 2017

Your area’s entire Twitter presence turns entirely to the cause:

And once that crosses over into the real world, you’re REALLY in trouble:

FIRE BUTCH JONES signs have appeared at every pro venue in the state, random colleges elsewhere, a grocery bakery, https://t.co/0jZGVcISfk

— SB Nation CFB (@SBNationCFB) October 21, 2017

9. Plane banners.

The effort here, just to get rid of guys who already seem like dead men walking, is truly stunning.

Annnnnd here's the banner. Says "I Flew 1124 Miles Just To Say #FireAlGolden" http://pic.twitter.com/KKNlsst6uc

— Matt Porter (@mattyports) October 1, 2015

http://pic.twitter.com/1Fes8eMLov

— Matt Scalici (@MattScalici) October 21, 2017

10. Booster shade.

The highest-ranking rich guy has had enough. He’s called the folks he drinks with at suite level and started to pass the hat. Your coach has a buyout number to hit.

Beat writers are getting wind that the people who control the pocketbooks have had it up to here.

But when Ed Hansen — lawyer, multimillionaire, University of Washington alumnus and former three-term Everett mayor — wrote UW President Mark Emmert six weeks ago, he abandoned all sense of delicacy.

Hansen, unhappy with the state of Huskies football, placed a price upon the head of the football coach and the school’s athletic director. His e-mail said:

“By this letter I hereby pledge to contribute a minimum of $100,000 towards a law school scholarship within 90 days, conditioned upon the termination of Ty Willingham as football coach.

Willingham would be gone by the end of that season.

11. Coach is saying some really weird stuff now!

The message board chatter is at a fever pitch, and the season isn’t going well at all. But the head coach is trying to stay positive and wants you to be too, like Gene Chizik in 2011.

“They’re going to say what they’re going to say and discuss what they’re going to discuss, and you have absolutely no control over that. I call those energy vampires. They’re not going to suck my energy out worrying about that. That’s how we work.”

Chizik would last through 2011, but be gone after 2012.

12. The local columnist is finally done.

As media members, we often want to give coaches a bit more benefit of doubt than fans. Particularly if the coach seems like a good guy. Mid-season firings sometimes seem impulsive, after all.

But when the local columnist does drop the guillotine, it’s another indicator that the situation is untenable.

Has Bob Diaco coached his final football game at UConn? He’s done little to earn himself another season. The Huskies lost to Tulane Saturday to finish 1-7 in the American, a game almost nobody attended, and went an entire month — 16 quarters over parts of five games — without a touchdown.

A month after that story got published, Diaco was shown the door.

13. The death-knell loss.

It could be a blowout, or it could be a close shave, but there’s always one loss that signals that the end is truly nigh. An example? Losing to Kansas, if you’re Texas.

The Texas Longhorns, a titan of college football, just lost to Kansas in overtime, 24-21. This is the first time the Horns have lost to the Jayhawks since the Great Depression.

Strong would get canned the next week.

14. The actual end.

It’s probably a Sunday morning, and your coach is about to have a closed-door meeting with the AD. The loss last night was rough. It’ll all be over soon. Players start finding out on Twitter or via their news apps, just like the rest of us, and begin to voice their displeasure. The news is leaking, but they are yet to have their team meeting to make things official.

Gotta love finding these things out through twitter.... a heads up would’ve been nice

— Luke Del Rio (@Ldelrio12) October 29, 2017

Whatever happens today just know that @CoachMcElwain has been a father figure and a great mentor in my life and family’s life. #GotyourBack

— Eddy Piñeiro (@eddypineiro1) October 29, 2017

— Drè Massey (@D1Masseyy) October 29, 2017

Recruits who are experiencing the business end of college football for the first time start chiming in.

Im not answering any interview questions about whats going on, that isnt my place to speak about. Nothing is changing this class.#AllBite18

— M A T T Y (@corral_matt) October 29, 2017

I will not do any interviews about the situation with Coach Jim. #GoGators

— Ja'Marr Chase (@10jayy__) October 29, 2017

#Gators WR commit Corey Gammage posted this, deleted it a minute later. http://pic.twitter.com/FBTID9pW3P

— Graham Hall (@GrahamHall_) October 29, 2017

The team meeting is announced.

#Gators players meeting now expected to be at 5:30 p.m.

— Graham Hall (@GrahamHall_) October 29, 2017

And around the time the meeting goes down, the end comes.

McElwain, UAA Mutually Agree to Part Ways Details: https://t.co/QsGUA7spfI

— Gators Football (@GatorsFB) October 29, 2017

The official statement brings an end to the often long (but sometimes short) march through the hot seat stages. It could termed be a “mutual parting of the ways,” could be a firing, or a forced resignation.

Either way, your team’s coach is gone, and it’s time to reset the program to try all over again.

Certainly the next hire won’t end like this one did, right?